Mystery Men (1999)

1. Would you like something sweet?

2. Oh.

3. What do we got here, fellas, an antique show?

4. All right, boys, fan out!

5. What a wrinkle fest this is.

6. Hey, beat it, you broads! Come on!

7. All right, sit down and shut up!

8. We're the Red Eyes. So, everybody, freeze!

9. Get their valuables, boys. I want watches, wallets, jewelry.

10. Get me some silver chains. I want wigs. I want toupees.

11. Keep an eye out for me, will ya?

12. No, not mine! Leave me alone! I'm a veteran!

13. No! Not that!

14. I love crashing parties!

15. Hey, cake!

16. Pardon me, Fatty.

17. But if you're going to eat cake, you ought to use a fork.

18. You might just as well shovel it in.

19. People who don't close their mouths when they chew

20. make me furious.

21. One for you. Drat.

22. And for you!

23. Come on, come on.

24. Want a little whipped cream, Mr. Cherry Top?

25. Get him, get him.

26. Is that all you got, huh? Is that all you . . .

27. Throw it!

28. Not today, my vermilion-eyed varlet.

29. Oh, blast.

30. Out of the way!

31. Yes, this one should stick.

32. Oh, my! That's way too tight, man!

33. It's Captain Amazing!

34. It's Amazing! I'm out of here!

35. C.A. , you were, if I may say, amazing.

36. Yeah? Yeah.

37. Let's go meet the press.

38. He is good.

39. He is rather ripping, isn't he?

40. The spinning and the hurting and the kicking.

41. I guarantee you he hogs the credit on this one.

42. Well, I think we have to

43. at least concede him the assist here, Roy.

44. No, no. You see? That's exactly what's holding us back.

45. Don't put him on the pedestal, put us on the pedestal.

46. Here he comes.

47. Bravo and huzzah, Captain. Splendid work, as usual.

48. No autographs till we finish with the press.

49. We're not . . . Allow me to introduce myself.

50. Blue Raja, master of silverware,

51. forks a specialty, at your service.

52. My colleague, the Shoveler.

53. Big fan of your work.

54. And standing rather painfully aside is our cohort, Mr. Furious.

55. How's it hanging?

56. So you guys . . .

57. They're superheroes.

58. We fight crime. Call it what you will. Quite right.

59. That's great. Just, you know,

60. keep up the good work.

61. You as well, sir. You as well.

62. Did you see . . . Did you . . .

63. Did you hear that? "Keep up the good work."

64. The good work.

65. He's making fun of us.

66. No, Roy. He saluted us. That was real.

67. I thought he was sincere. What's up, fellas?

68. Hello. Nice to see you.

69. I saw the action out there tonight.

70. What you guys need is a little bit of firepower.

71. Well . . .

72. I'm a weapons designer.

73. I've got what you need.

74. All right. We'll come back.

75. We'll visit all of you people later. Thank you, sir.

76. I don't live here. I'm here for the ladies.

77. Here, take my card.

78. My name's Heller. Say it with me.

79. Heller. Heller.

80. All right. Thank you.

81. Goodnight.

82. I don't know why you encourage those people.

83. Those people look up to us.

84. Oh, that's true.

85. You know the drill.

86. Please sign my hat, Captain Amazing.

87. Herman, give me a flash.

88. Hey, how are you tonight?

89. Captain, how did you know where to find the Red Eyes?

90. Becky, it's what I do.

91. Thanks to you, the city's almost crime-free.

92. So what do you do with your free time?

93. I wish that I had some free time.

94. People are saying that you're so "amazing" you're gonna put yourself out of a job.

95. Have any comments on that?

96. That's one problem I look forward to.

97. And is it true that you lost your Pepsi endorsement?

98. I hadn't heard that.

99. Thanks so much for your questions. Thank all of you so much.

100. You sure, you have no comments regarding your Pepsi situation?

101. Look who we got.

102. You again. Wannabes.

103. This city already has a superhero.

104. Perhaps you've heard of him. Captain Amazing.

105. Thank you.

106. Do yourself a favor, Maguire.

107. Don't flip my switch tonight.

108. And what exactly would that do?

109. Don't turn around, Roy. Don't do it. Don't turn around.

110. It's nothing. Keep walking, Roy. Keep walking.

111. It's not worth it.

112. I think you know exactly what that would do, checkerhead.

113. What?

114. Don't mess with the volcano, my man.

115. 'Cause I will go Pompeii on your butt.

116. Oh, my golly. Good grief.

117. You keep dreaming, wannabe.

118. Let's go. Dream on, moron.

119. I will keep dreaming. I will keep dreaming, my friend.

120. And when I wake up, you better hope,

121. you better hope you're asleep.

122. Don't reengage him. He's a silly . . .

123. Sweet dreams!

124. He's immature.

125. Lilac.

126. C.A. , I'm doing my best.

127. Your best? Quick question: Is this your best?

128. I realize you're upset.

129. Victor, I'm positioned.

130. Do you understand what that means? On a very personal level here,

131. to know that the companies that make these fine products

132. want me to be their spokesperson? Their voice?

133. I think right now we should focus on the positive.

134. Tonight was good.

135. Yeah? You think so?

136. 'Cause I was worried it was, I don't know, pathetic!

137. "Amazing triumphs at a nursing home!"

138. That's great copy, Vic.

139. I'm a publicist, not a magician.

140. You want big news, you have to have big fights.

141. A superhero needs a supervillain and, thanks to you, we've got none left.

142. Then get the Death Man.

143. Death Man is dead.

144. Okay. Father Doom.

145. Life without parole.

146. Apocalypta's doing 50 years. Armagezzmo's in exile.

147. Baron Von Chaos got the chair.

148. Really?

149. Casanova Frankenstein is locked up in a nuthouse.

150. Casanova Frankenstein.

151. Now, there was a supervillain.

152. You know, he just . . .

153. He's got those eyes, you know?

154. I can't do it, but . . .

155. And that voice . . . Such pure evil.

156. The battles we used to have. Extraordinary.

157. "Used to."

158. That's the problem, Captain. "Used to."

159. Let the record show

160. that this parole hearing has officially begun.

161. We now commence the 17th parole hearing of Casanova Frankenstein.

162. Dr. Leek, you may begin.

163. Thank you.

164. Gentlemen of the board, the man who sits before you,

165. the once infamous evil genius, is entirely cured.

166. What?

167. I give you my word

168. that he's of no more danger to the city than I am.

169. This is outrageous.

170. Yes.

171. Mr. Casanova Frankenstein,

172. do you have anything to say on your own behalf?

173. Blessed disciples of Hippocrates,

174. my heart is split in two.

175. It brims

176. with such sorrow for my abominable crimes.

177. And yet,

178. it swells with love

179. for you,

180. for this sanctuary,

181. this place of healing.

182. Within my soul, I feel the choir singing

183. Beethoven's immortal Ode to Joy

184. where all men

185. become brothers.

186. Am I too late to cast my vote?

187. Not at all, Lance. I was just about to remind the board

188. that Casanova once had our city in a stranglehold of terror.

189. Parole is not an option for this man, this monster.

190. We cannot risk the danger of releasing him.

191. I could not agree with you more.

192. Excellent.

193. However, I did just have dinner with an old friend recently.

194. Maybe you've heard of him? Captain Amazing.

195. Captain Amazing?

196. He asked if I would read this.

197. "Dear members of the board,

198. "we all know that society cannot exist

199. "without absolute justice,

200. "but society is also built upon compassion.

201. "Let us set the tone for the new millennium

202. "by making a historic gesture of forgiveness.

203. "Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you,

204. "let us grant Casanova Frankenstein

205. "a second chance."

206. With Captain Amazing's recommendation and protection,

207. I suppose we could consider.

208. I pronounce you

209. cured.

210. Hello, Champion City.

211. Daddy is home.

212. Hi, everybody.

213. You know, tooth decay and gingivitis can be a crime.

214. That's why I use Mighty Whity toothpaste.

215. Because I want my teeth to look amazing.

216. I'm gonna bring this up again.

217. It's 150 bucks apiece. We each chip in.

218. My cousin knows this guy who knows a publicist.

219. What are we gonna publicize? The fact that we get our butts kicked a lot.

220. Maybe if you didn't smack me in the face with the shovel every time we went out . . .

221. All right now. . . . we'd have some more wins to brag about.

222. I'm sorry, I just have a tendency to lose my concentration

223. when I've got a salad fork stuck in my rear end.

224. I get it. Your shovel in his face is my fault.

225. You threw a spoon at the guy, Jeff.

226. What was up with that?

227. I'm embarrassed about that.

228. I thought it was a fork.

229. You're the master of cutlery.

230. You can't throw a knife sometimes when someone's trying to kill me?

231. You can't use a rake sometimes?

232. No, I'm the Shoveler.

233. I'm the Blue Raja. I'm not Stab Man.

234. I'm not Knifey Boy. I'm the Blue Raja.

235. That's another thing.

236. What?

237. You could get a little bit of blue in the uniform somewhere.

238. You've got green. There's a little flowery thing.

239. It doesn't make a lot of sense.

240. Just step out of our literal minds for a moment.

241. Hey, look what I'm doing. Look at that.

242. I'm putting 150 right on the table. Who's in with me?

243. I don't have 150, do l?

244. if I did, I wouldn't have plundered my mother's silverware.

245. It's a waste of money.

246. You know who doesn't think it's a waste of money?

247. Little Mr. Captain Amazing.

248. Well, Captain . . .

249. if we had a billionaire like Lance Hunt as our benefactor,

250. yeah, we could spend 150.

251. Lance Hunt is Captain Amazing.

252. Don't start that again.

253. Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing doesn't wear glasses.

254. He takes them off when he transforms.

255. That doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't be able to see.

256. Hi, thanks for waiting.

257. Hey, thanks for dropping by.

258. Do you know what you want?

259. Allow me to begin, my dear.

260. The Blue Raja is quite partial to the salad niçoise.

261. My dressing of choice is ranch lite,

262. and I'd appreciate it if you'd hold the Bacon Bits.

263. Seeing as it's your first night and all, I suppose I'll "fork-give" you

264. if you "fork-get."

265. Who's next?

266. Can I get a meatball sandwich on white with mayo?

267. I'll have a steak, please. Very rare. That means pink, not bloody.

268. And could I get some ice?

269. I had a little mishap defending justice at the nursing home.

270. I thought I heard on TV that was Captain Amazing.

271. Let's all be good little automaton droids and believe everything we hear on TV.

272. I'll just go place your order now.

273. A trifle strident with that bit of crumpet, weren't we, Furious?

274. I am a ticking time bomb of fury.

275. All I'm saying is, when we split the check three ways,

276. the steak-eater picks the pocket of the salad man.

277. Just give me the money, Jeff.

278. Yes, fine.

279. Every time we split it three ways.

280. It's flipping robbery.

281. Well, you should order more.

282. Do you see what I see?

283. Hello?

284. It's Tony C.

285. And Tony P, leader of the Disco Boys.

286. But why, pray tell, would he be back in town?

287. Maybe it's time to do a little following to find out.

288. No, it's already 10:30.

289. I'm gonna get killed by my wife as it is.

290. Yes, and I've had quite enough excitement for one night, thank you.

291. My mistake. I thought I was hanging out with serious superheroes:

292. the Shoveler and the Blue Raja.

293. But, apparently, I'm hanging out with Lazy Boy and . . .

294. Good night, Roy.

295. Yes, toodle-oo.

296. Hang on a second. Lazy Boy and the . . .

297. And the Recliner!

298. Yeah, Lazy Boy and the Recliner!

299. Guys, are you coming? Are you . . .

300. Okay, fine. I guess tonight

301. the lone wolf

302. hunts alone.

303. Testicles rising.

304. Can't breathe. Can't breathe.

305. Butch needs his vest back. He's got a game on Saturday.

306. Well, it's my vest too. I bought it for him.

307. The only thing I need . . .

308. Okay.

309. How long you gonna do this, Eddie?

310. It's been 12 years.

311. I know.

312. You got a family to look after, Eddie.

313. The kids are worried sick about you.

314. But still you go out, night after night, running around the city for what?

315. Lucille, God gave me a gift.

316. I shovel well. I shovel very well.

317. Oh, baby, you shovel better than any man I've known

318. but that does not make you a superhero.

319. All l . . .

320. Oh, no.

321. You're a good husband

322. and a good father,

323. but that's all, nothing more.

324. You're right.

325. I believe in you, Daddy.

326. Roland, do not encourage your father.

327. Well, if it isn't our old friends, the Red Eyes.

328. Good evening. We weren't expecting to see you again so spoon . . .

329. Red Eyes, Red Eyes. What a treat.

330. We weren't expecting to see you again so spoon.

331. Jeffrey. Yeah?

332. Mom, how many times have l asked you not to barge in here?

333. What's burning?

334. lncense.

335. I can't even count how many rules you're breaking right now.

336. Always knock. Don't sniff around outside my door.

337. Do not interrogate me.

338. Jeffrey.

339. What?

340. Are you into marijuana?

341. You're cheesing me off so bad right now.

342. Just, please . . . Good night.

343. I'm sorry. Jeffrey, please . . .

344. Goodnight.

345. Okay. Goodnight.

346. God, she's just so . . .

347. All right, let's see what's shaking

348. at the Chez Casa Casanova.

349. Ah! The old disco room.

350. Just as I left it.

351. You've been locked up for 20 years. A lot of things have changed since then.

352. It must have been hard for you, the way times and styles have changed,

353. to hear the people saying that disco is dead.

354. Disco is not dead! Disco is life!

355. Yes, Tony, that is the passion I remember.

356. Stick with me, Tony, and you will dance again

357. when I rule this town.

358. Have you met my psychiatrist?

359. Come out, come out wherever you . . .

360. There we go.

361. Looks like we got a little terrace party.

362. I want you to spread the word to all of my gangs.

363. Tell them that Casanova Frankenstein is back

364. and that Casanova Frankenstein is planning something

365. a little bit different.

366. Kaboom.

367. Mama pajama!

368. What kind of crazy man blows up a crazy house?

369. And now, if you will excuse me, I am expecting a visit

370. from a very old friend.

371. Look what we got. A little booty call from Captain Amazing.

372. This is a fine, elegant Harvey Wallbanger.

373. Even when it's sucked by scum like you?

374. Captain Amazing. What a surprise.

375. Really? I'm not so sure about that.

376. Your first night of freedom, and you blow up the asylum.

377. Interesting choice. I knew you couldn't change.

378. I knew you'd know that.

379. Oh, I know that.

380. And I knew you'd know I'd know you knew.

381. But I didn't. I only knew that you'd know that I knew.

382. Did you know that?

383. Of course.

384. Please, won't you join me?

385. With pleasure.

386. Oh, quick thought.

387. Would you mind removing the submicronic laser

388. in the ring on the index finger of your left hand?

389. Of course. And, if it wouldn't be too much trouble,

390. go ahead and disengage

391. the psychotropic bacterium dart-launchers in your slippers.

392. Done.

393. The cold fusion ultrasonic neuro-stunner in your drink stirrer, turn it off.

394. We know each other so well, don't we, Lance?

395. We've always been each other's greatest nemesises.

396. Nemesis . . .

397. What's the plural on that?

398. Nemeses.

399. Whatever.

400. You're going to prison for life this time, Casanova.

401. You see, here in Champion City,

402. we still do a fairly brisk trade

403. in justice.

404. I thought it was all about the publicity and keeping your sponsors happy.

405. See, it's that kind of cynicism that I truly feel

406. is starting to poison society.

407. Oh, looky here.

408. A multi-frequency radio detonator.

409. You should be more careful when discarding incriminating evidence.

410. Oh, no. This is an amusing little gizmo.

411. It's really quite cool.

412. Yeah? What is it?

413. Yuck.

414. It's a chloroform-deploying portable enticement snare.

415. Ah, dang!

416. Oh, Lancie,

417. you really are so predictable.

418. Morning, Sally.

419. You're late!

420. Yes, I know.

421. I was up all night, trying to defend the city from evil,

422. but I'm sure you don't really care about that.

423. Work starts at 9:00! It's 9:25!

424. So I guess all the junk's probably ruined by now.

425. Sucker, when are you gonna tear down that jeep like I told you to?

426. I thought we went through this yesterday.

427. That old jeep is actually an armored car of some type.

428. It was meant to withstand bombs. I can't just rip it apart with a crowbar.

429. Just junk it.

430. if you gave me the proper tools, I could . . .

431. Junk it!

432. I'm willing to have this discussion with you,

433. but I think we should deal with it like two people who respect . . .

434. I want it junked.

435. Okay.

436. Right now, I'm kind of like a powder keg

437. and you're the match.

438. if you tell me to junk it one more time . . .

439. Junk it now! You got that?

440. That little sucker just saved your life.

441. Just junk it, you miserable cuss.

442. We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news.

443. Champion City's best-known billionaire, Lance Hunt, has disappeared.

444. Police hope to enlist the help of Captain Amazing in the search for Hunt,

445. but have, so far, failed to contact the city's beloved superhero.

446. He makes a wonderful trophy, don't you think?

447. I really think we need to talk about your plans here.

448. Here are my plans, Lancie.

449. Tomorrow night, I'm going to kill you.

450. Right. That's the part that really doesn't work for me.

451. When the clock strikes 12:00, cuckoo, cuckoo,

452. you will be dead,

453. and my city will be given a new state of mind.

454. Clearly you gotta go with what you're comfortable with,

455. but, I don't know, I just keep coming back to this place.

456. I'm spitballing here, but maybe

457. we release the captain to the authorities.

458. I say that you're completely reformed. Wink, wink.

459. There is rejoicing in the streets.

460. At that point, you do the whole destruction of the city thing.

461. I mean, is it a perfect plan? No.

462. And I think that's what I like about it.

463. Jeez. Okay.

464. That's great. Turn off the lights now.

465. It was just an idea! Wait, I got a better one.

466. You let me live, I am your sidekick.

467. I'm like Amazing Boy or . . . Casanova?

468. Are you sure Captain Amazing is in there?

469. Yeah, I'm sure. Let's go.

470. Wait! Hear that?

471. We must have hit a trip wire.

472. It could be a photon eviscerator heating up.

473. It could be a cybernetic atom scrambler. They target moving objects.

474. Sounds more like a heat-seeking anthrax projection gun to me.

475. Quickly, cover your mouth. No, let's bolt!

476. Don't move! Don't breathe! Let's bolt!

477. Don't move! Don't breathe!

478. Let's bolt!

479. It's the sprinkler.

480. isn't that just fabu? I'm positively soaked.

481. What do we got here?

482. I think they're supposed to be jive superheroes.

483. They made a big mistake coming to Casanova's place.

484. What's so funny?

485. That's your power? You have guns?

486. Couldn't you be a little more creative than that?

487. Do forgive the impertinence,

488. but what the devil does a pistol have to do with disco?

489. Weak.

490. At best.

491. Check out the guy with the pipe. Are you the disco plumber?

492. There's no theme at all here, mates.

493. Buddy, if you're gonna carry a chain, make it a gold chain.

494. See what I'm saying? And that's just off the top of my head.

495. Yo, what's up, Tiger Lily?

496. The top of your head, huh?

497. We'll never get in there. There are too many Disco Boys.

498. Look, I'm telling you. Amazing's in there. I saw him go in.

499. There's never any evil trios, are there?

500. No, they've all got to travel in gangs like little babies.

501. Maybe it's time to level the playing field.

502. How?

503. I'm talking about recruiting.

504. There's plenty of guys out there who would kill to get in on our action.

505. Plenty of posers, you mean.

506. Yeah, maybe a few.

507. But there's got to be a couple of guys out there, like,

508. like a human torch.

509. Or like a guy who can shoot stinging foam into your eyes

510. or something like that.

511. There's the Sphinx, of course.

512. The what?

513. The Sphinx.

514. I know this guy.

515. Big crime fighter from down south. Big-league hitter down there.

516. What's his power?

517. He's terribly mysterious.

518. That's it? That's his power?

519. He's mysterious?

520. Terribly mysterious.

521. Plus, he can, like,

522. cut guns in half with his mind.

523. Really? I hadn't heard that. I think.

524. We'll have to track this Sphinx guy down.

525. Meantime, I have an idea where we can get another guy.

526. I'm free for lunch tomorrow. How about you?

527. Nothing I couldn't move around.

528. Why don't you guys go on ahead?

529. I gotta take care of something.

530. Oh, I see.

531. Good cause there, saving homeless animals.

532. Yeah.

533. Hog queen?

534. What?

535. You're into motorcycles.

536. Oh. No. Not really.

537. 'Cause I got a motorcycle.

538. Yeah, what kind?

539. It's a Harley.

540. A Harley.

541. Compatible. It's a Harley compatible. Basically, the same engineer.

542. Look,

543. I hope we're cool about last night.

544. Last night?

545. Like I said, I was kind of in scary mode back there.

546. Sometimes that comes off as a little threatening or whatever.

547. I don't find you threatening.

548. You're very kind.

549. At all.

550. Listen, I still feel like

551. I should make it up to you somehow, just in some way.

552. I should take you out to dinner or something to make up for being so scary,

553. or whatever.

554. I'm really busy.

555. Right.

556. Our little chess game continues.

557. Yeah?

558. We're looking for the one they call "The lnvisible Boy."

559. All my life, I've been ignored by people.

560. Finally, after years of being overlooked,

561. I found I have the power to disappear.

562. It's real ironic how it happened 'cause . . .

563. Can we come in?

564. Yeah, sure. Come on.

565. Thank you.

566. Dad, I'm going to my room with three strange men.

567. lNVlSlBLE BOY: And that's pretty much it.

568. So, let me get this straight.

569. You do have the ability to become invisible?

570. lNVlSlBLE BOY: Yes.

571. But you can't give us a demonstration?

572. No, I can only become invisible when no one's watching.

573. So, you're only invisible to yourself?

574. No. If I look at myself, I become visible again.

575. So, you can only become invisible when absolutely nobody is watching you?

576. Yes.

577. Do forgive our incredulity,

578. but I'm wondering how you can be certain you've achieved transparency at all?

579. When you go invisible, you can feel it.

580. I'm leaving.

581. Thanks a lot. It was nice to have met you.

582. Wait, guys. Don't go. Where you guys going? Don't go.

583. Can I come?

584. Look, no offense, kid,

585. we're about to go up against a really powerful supervillain,

586. Casanova Frankenstein.

587. That means we gotta find a lot of superheroes really quickly.

588. And to tell you the truth, we have no idea where to even start, so . . .

589. I know tons of superheroes.

590. I'm sure you know a lot . . .

591. No, no, no, seriously.

592. I'm out there all the time at the costume shops, martial arts stores

593. talking to guys and making connections.

594. if you want to break in, you gotta network,

595. and I know how to network.

596. Sorry, kid.

597. Come on.

598. Haven't you guys ever been a kid?

599. Haven't you guys ever had a dream?

600. Let me see, who else have I met? There's the Pincher.

601. "Pincher."

602. The Pickler.

603. Princess Headbutt.

604. White Flight and the Black Menace. They work together.

605. Slow down, slow down.

606. Then there's, Professor Pink Belly,

607. and Lucky Pierre and The French Tickler.

608. "French Tickler."

609. You've got all their telephone numbers?

610. Yeah, most of them.

611. We've got to figure out a way to get them all in one place.

612. That's quite right.

613. Some kind of a tryout.

614. Yes, a tryout.

615. Throw in a barbecue and a couple of kegs, they'll all show up.

616. The mooch factor's pretty high with this crowd.

617. A barbecue, that's a good idea.

618. What? Bugger all, it's the Spleen. Play dead.

619. Who's that?

620. Turn your head. Don't say anything.

621. Hiya, fellas.

622. Word on the street is you're looking for superheroes.

623. Not really.

624. Actually, we're just leaving.

625. Rotten luck.

626. Oh, here we go.

627. Perfect timing.

628. That's for you.

629. Hamburger, right?

630. Yes, thank you.

631. Enjoy.

632. Why are you guys always dissing me? It hurts my feelings.

633. I'm a superhero too. I have powers.

634. Really? Like what?

635. So glad you asked.

636. Oh, no.

637. Excuse me.

638. Excuse me. Excuse me.

639. It all started when I was just 13 years of age.

640. One day, while walking with some friends,

641. I accidentally cut the cheese.

642. Well, in my adolescent awkwardness,

643. I blamed it on an old gypsy woman who happened to be passing by.

644. Big mistake!

645. The gypsy woman placed a curse upon my head.

646. Because I smelled it,

647. she decreed I would forevermore be he who dealt it!

648. Let me illustrate.

649. No, you don't have to.

650. It's not necessary, really.

651. Let's see.

652. 7 meters.

653. Air speed: normal.

654. Compensate for air conditioning.

655. Pull my fingers.

656. Don't do it.

657. Oh, dear God.

658. S. B. D. !

659. Silent but deadly.

660. That's good shooting.

661. That was amazing!

662. It's disgusting. Don't encourage him.

663. You guys are recruiting for superheroes.

664. Where you holding the tryouts?

665. We don't know yet,

666. as soon as we figure that out, we'll get in touch immediately.

667. Bet we'd get a big turnout if we did it somewhere with a swimming pool.

668. Oh, no. No, no, no.

669. Absolutely not. Nope. No.

670. I don't deserve this.

671. I know.

672. A lot of other men I could have married.

673. I understand.

674. if one person vomits in my pool, I'm gonna divorce you.

675. That's fair.

676. Come on, kids!

677. State your name and power.

678. I am the Waffler.

679. With my griddle of justice, I bash the enemy in the head

680. or I burn them like so.

681. Don't do that.

682. I also have my truth syrup, which is low fat.

683. And I've been working on a theme song.

684. Waffle man, I am the Waffler

685. Golden crispy, bad guys are history

686. And I'm running. Just think about it.

687. Do you have a health plan? Maybe dental? Eye?

688. Next.

689. Hi. I am Pencilhead.

690. And I am Son of Pencilhead!

691. We erase crime.

692. Two generations of . . .

693. Right. Yes, thank you.

694. Did I do all right?

695. Yeah, I think they liked us.

696. Now, say . . .

697. I'm the Ballerina Man.

698. I don't need to see that.

699. Thanks.

700. I am . . . Hey!

701. You copied me. You copied me.

702. Did not! Liar!

703. Ladies, now let's play nicely.

704. I'd say there's potential.

705. I be the Bullfighter. I fight the bull!

706. Greetings, fellow crime fighters. I am Radio Man.

707. I am Squeegeeman.

708. Do you sense its power?

709. Yes.

710. P.M.S. Avenger. I work 4 days a month. ls there a problem with that?

711. No. No.

712. Whatever you say.

713. We'll get back to you.

714. Quite all right.

715. Whatever.

716. Okay, that's it.

717. That was a complete waste of time.

718. Like so many things we do.

719. Hi. Hi, you guys. Am I too late to try out?

720. What time is it? I don't have a watch on.

721. Yeah. Sorry. You'll have to pretend to be a superhero somewhere else.

722. Really? I see.

723. That's fine.

724. Look out!

725. I guess I'll just have to take my ball and go home.

726. lNVlSlBLE BOY: No. You can't go. Miss, please.

727. Where you going? That was cool.

728. Wait. Stop her.

729. Hold on. Stop her. Settle down.

730. That was great.

731. We might be able to squeeze in one more interview.

732. Yes, seeing as how you schlepped your ball all this way.

733. Appreciate that. Thanks.

734. You're really good.

735. What's up? I'm the Spleen.

736. I'm the Bowler. How you doing?

737. You're very attractive.

738. That's because it's ambrosia.

739. Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself.

740. Help us understand why we should choose you

741. over all the other qualified applicants.

742. What other qualified applicants?

743. Eddie, please.

744. Start at the top. Where did you get your powers?

745. I got my powers from my father.

746. Okay. Who's he?

747. Have you ever heard of Carmine the Bowler?

748. Have we ever heard . . .

749. Cor blimey, don't tell us you're the Bowler's daughter.

750. I seem to remember there being a little controversy around his death.

751. That's right. The police said it was an accident.

752. He'd come home late one night and fell down an elevator shaft

753. onto some bullets.

754. I've always suspected a bit of foul play.

755. As have l.

756. So now daddy's little girl is all grown up,

757. looking for a little revenge, is that it?

758. Yeah, that is it. ls there a problem with that?

759. Why don't you tell me?

760. I don't know. You tell me.

761. Why don't you tell me? Why don't you tell me?

762. All right. You've seen what I can do.

763. You either want to use my talents or you don't.

764. if you don't, I seek another cabal, and we do it that way.

765. We need you. We definitely need you.

766. lndeed.

767. Bowler . . . Evelyn . . .

768. Carol.

769. Will you join our little ragtag trio?

770. lNVlSlBLE BOY: I think you mean quartet . . .

771. What are you talking about? There's five of us.

772. Nobody's green lit new memberships, so just chill out.

773. Granted, you've got a good arm. I'll give you that.

774. But we're in a lead cad . . .

775. Cadre.

776. You're in. Welcome aboard.

777. Guys, would you . . .

778. What? What's the problem?

779. Welcome.

780. What?

781. Nothing. No problem. Welcome aboard.

782. lNVlSlBLE BOY: So what's up? Are Spleen and l on the team or not?

783. In my opinion, which used to matter around here,

784. we shouldn't be flinging memberships

785. at every guy who puts together a pair of matching gloves and boots.

786. You guys just be sure to jump in when the action starts.

787. You do your share, we'll keep you around.

788. Maybe.

789. So you're a British man who converted to lslam like Cat Stevens?

790. No. Until the early part of this century, lndia was part of the British Empire,

791. whose government there was called the British Raj,

792. after the Hindi word for "sovereignty."

793. Furthermore . . .

794. Wait. So sorry. What?

795. Dad.

796. No, he's not a commie nor a fruit.

797. Sorry.

798. His ignorance embarrasses me.

799. Sorry, but am I to understand you've inserted your father's skull

800. inside of that ball for bowling?

801. No. The guy at the pro shop did it.

802. That was Casanova's limo.

803. You bet your sweet bippy it was. Let's turn this sucker around!

804. He's probably got Amazing in there.

805. Here we go.

806. I feel carsick.

807. Great.

808. So tell me, who can we count on seeing at my banquet tomorrow?

809. All the top gangs are gonna be there, Cas.

810. They want to know what you got up your sleeve.

811. Mr. Casanova, I think we're being followed.

812. Let us say hello.

813. What's he doing?

814. He's either very smart or very dumb.

815. Hello.

816. I would like a double burger with the large fries.

817. Do you boys want something to drink?

818. We think you did something bad to Captain Amazing.

819. We would like you to tell us where he is.

820. Captain who? This name does not ring any bells with me.

821. I don't like your tone, Frankenpuss.

822. Do yourself a favor and don't punch my clock.

823. I'm a Pantera's box you do not want to open.

824. It is Pandora.

825. Please don't correct me.

826. It sickens me.

827. You guys never learn, do you?

828. Apparently we don't, ass.

829. I know you.

830. You don't know me.

831. You knew my father. Sal.

832. Carmine. Carmine.

833. Carmine? The Bowler?

834. Yep.

835. You're Baby Bowler?

836. Is that a problem?

837. Hello.

838. I'm the guy that gave your daddy the shaft.

839. This is the last time I'm going to ask you:

840. Where is Captain Amazing?

841. And a diet Pepsi with a little bit of ice.

842. Hey, Shove!

843. Boys, let's go.

844. Fork yourself!

845. Pull!

846. Come on, Roy, let's get out of here.

847. Come on, Furious! Let's go!

848. People who live in glass houses, shouldn't.

849. Because this is what happens!

850. Come on! That's enough!

851. Come on. Get out of the way.

852. The roof is on fire! The roof!

853. The roof is on fire!

854. We don't need no water. We don't need no water.

855. Here comes Daddy.

856. Go, go, go!

857. I would like to make a toast to our first straightout victory.

858. Stunning victory. Here, here.

859. The relationship you have with your mother

860. affects every other dynamic in your life.

861. What? What? It's true, quite true.

862. Yes, a father's role is vital in a child's life as well. I know this.

863. No, I'm not disrespecting you.

864. You have to respect me too. You have to allow me to have conversations in a bar

865. and talk to my new friends.

866. Anyway, I'm an adult now.

867. Do you want to go back in the bag?

868. Is that how we're gonna do it now? You make the rules.

869. if you don't zip it . . .

870. Sheesh.

871. I was going to say that parents can be quite problematic.

872. Tell me about it.

873. There's not enough beer in the world. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

874. It's okay. It's okay. Listen.

875. You've got to live in truth. Correct?

876. The woman's a tiger.

877. Barkeep, another round

878. for my sweet team of superfriends.

879. Barkeep, another round for the super,

880. super bellies.

881. That's what's so cool about this team:

882. Everyone has their own powers for all these different situations.

883. Pull my finger.

884. What?

885. I was just thinking.

886. I was wondering when we might see your super power.

887. It'll happen, kid. Don't worry.

888. I say, "sabatage." "Sabatage?"

889. The Shoveler is hammered!

890. lNVlSlBLE BOY: The Shoveler is hammered!

891. So what's the name of this team?

892. How about the Super Squad?

893. How about the Six Dead Guys in Their Stupid Costumes?

894. No. The Magnificent Dead Guys. How about that?

895. What about the Legendary Superfreaks?

896. Way too positive. They totaled our car.

897. Ready?

898. Ready!

899. TONY P. : Aim.

900. Aim!

901. I love you!

902. Fire!

903. Six Very Nearly Dead Guys With a Temporary Reprieve.

904. That's it. That's your name.

905. TONY C. : Six Jive Turkeys.

906. Dig, man?

907. Yeah! Dig, man!

908. That's your name. Kill you later, superlosers!

909. Criminy. You're the Sphinx.

910. And you are fools.

911. Tonight

912. you proved

913. your inexperience.

914. The wise man knows that he is weakest

915. when he thinks himself strong.

916. Whoa.

917. This is serious.

918. Terribly mysterious.

919. Casanova Frankenstein

920. is no ordinary villain.

921. To fight him,

922. you must have extraordinary skill.

923. Thank you for that little piece of information.

924. I wouldn't have thought . . .

925. Excuse me!

926. Does anybody have any manners?

927. I don't know. Do l?

928. I don't know. Do you? Do l?

929. Why don't you tell me? Why don't you tell me?

930. I don't know. You tell me. Do I mind what? Do l?

931. Silence!

932. We'll have to separate you two.

933. Is that what you want? You want to be separated?

934. He started it.

935. You must be like the wolf pack,

936. not like the six pack.

937. Teamwork. Yes!

938. You were not ready to face so great an enemy.

939. Not until you have vanquished the enemy within yourselves.

940. Yes!

941. It's cool, isn't it?

942. It goes right up to the point of being, like, confusing.

943. It's leadership. It's what we've been missing.

944. Yes, I quite agree.

945. Sphinx, will you guide our motley little gang of men at arms?

946. Hey! Wait a minute.

947. Are you serious? Come on.

948. Will you shape us, mold us?

949. Please unify us and make us whole.

950. To learn my teachings,

951. I must first teach you

952. how to learn.

953. Learn to hide your strikes from your opponent,

954. and you'll more easily strike his hide.

955. How many weapons do you wield?

956. Just one, Sphinx.

957. No. The fist, the knee, the elbow, the head!

958. You must lash out with every limb

959. like the octopus who plays the drums.

960. Why am I doing this again?

961. When you can balance a tack hammer on your head,

962. you will head off your foes with a balanced attack.

963. And why am I wearing the watermelon on my feet?

964. I don't remember telling you to do that.

965. Wait a minute. Wait. Wait.

966. I believe in my powers.

967. I believe in the powers of my teammates.

968. I trust in my powers.

969. I trust in the powers of my teammates.

970. This team must learn to work together

971. or, mark my words, it will be torn apart!

972. Now, gather round.

973. Gather round. Embrace one another.

974. Gather round. Embrace one another quickly.

975. Roy.

976. Why do you stand aside while the others practice?

977. "Practice?"

978. That's not practicing. That's group hugging.

979. We should be busting in on Casanova right now.

980. He who questions training, only trains himself at asking questions.

981. What?

982. Who was looking for the pinking shears?

983. Oh, that was me.

984. Yes, work well on your new costumes, my friends.

985. For when you care for what is outside,

986. what is inside cares for you.

987. The clock is ticking here.

988. Are we gonna sew dresses all day or are we gonna rescue Amazing?

989. I need a thimble. Does anybody . . .

990. Patience, my son.

991. To summon your power for the conflict to come,

992. you must first have power over that which conflicts you.

993. Am I the only one who finds these sayings just a little formulaic?

994. "if you want to push something down, you have to pull it up."

995. "if you want to go left, you have to go right."

996. Your temper is very quick, but until you learn to master your rage . . .

997. Your rage will become your master?

998. That's what you were gonna say, right?

999. Right?

1000. Not necessarily.

1001. That's it. I'm out of here.

1002. Thanks for all the advice, Mr. Misterioso, but it's time to get busy with it.

1003. Come on, Eddie. Let's go.

1004. No, Roy.

1005. I think he's getting results.

1006. Yeah, and the biggest one is that we're all out of here.

1007. Come on, Jeff. Let's peel some wheelies. Let's go.

1008. I don't want to leave the Sphinx.

1009. Okay, how about the rest of you?

1010. Do you want to play Suzie Homemaker with Captain Conundrum

1011. or do you want to be superheroes?

1012. Okay, I don't need a compass to tell me which way the wind shines.

1013. Roy, wait. Let's talk about this.

1014. No, let's not talk about it!

1015. You want to sit here, make Halloween outfits with Little Red Riding Hood

1016. or you want to take care of business?

1017. Well, I guess from now on I ride in a wolf pack of one.

1018. We should go after him.

1019. He's okay. Just let him go. He's a baby.

1020. We've never gone into battle without him.

1021. if you love him so much, why don't you marry him?

1022. I don't know. Why don't you marry him? Why don't you?

1023. Why don't you? Why don't you?

1024. Bowler, Shoveler, please!

1025. Sphinx, what wisdom can you give us in this, our most clouded hour?

1026. Yeah, what do we do?

1027. The loss of manpower can be replaced

1028. by the addition of firepower.

1029. Well, I won't use guns. I've been crystal clear about that.

1030. He won't even use a knife.

1031. You're not going to start with that again, are you?

1032. Casanova will have many weapons.

1033. To beat him, you will have to have more than forks and flatulence.

1034. Heller.

1035. "Dr. A. weapons designer,

1036. "innovator, inventor, world changer."

1037. Why does he live in a deserted amusement park?

1038. Because he's an eccentric genius.

1039. I'll take point. You two flank. Let's triangulate.

1040. Equilateral or isosceles?

1041. Just go.

1042. Who would want to rent a chicken?

1043. This is weird in here. It's scary and weird.

1044. Oh, there's another chicken.

1045. Crazy chicken world.

1046. Dr. Heller?

1047. We come in peace.

1048. Shovel Head?

1049. The Shoveler. Yes, sir. We met at the old folks' home.

1050. Of course. Fork Man?

1051. I'm the Spleen. If you want to know what my power is, pull my finger.

1052. Please, don't! Don't, sir. Don't.

1053. Dr. Heller, we're on a mission. We've come for weapons.

1054. Shouldn't we see a diploma or something first?

1055. You came to the right place, baby. Step into my office.

1056. Where are your friends?

1057. What friends?

1058. Your friends. I thought you guys were in a club or something.

1059. You mean a team? A Super Team?

1060. Yeah.

1061. Apparently, it's now the Super Sphinx Team or something.

1062. You had a falling out?

1063. Yeah, kind of.

1064. Is it okay if I just have the coffee?

1065. I'm not very hungry.

1066. Sure.

1067. Hey,

1068. what time do you get off work?

1069. Half hour. Why?

1070. No reason. I was just thinking maybe I could . . .

1071. It might be a good idea if I walked you home.

1072. The city's been real, real dangerous

1073. since Amazing went M. l.A.

1074. I've been working on some jujitsu moves that . . .

1075. Just probably be safer on everybody's part if . . .

1076. Also, it would be great to just walk you home.

1077. Sure.

1078. This will even things up a little bit. What is it?

1079. Look at this!

1080. Don't point at me.

1081. You're gonna kill somebody.

1082. Listen, everything here is nonlethal.

1083. "Nonlethal"? What?

1084. I don't make anything that's deadly.

1085. I see. How delightfully eccentric,

1086. while, simultaneously, being a complete waste of our time.

1087. No offense. Shall we? Thank you, Doctor.

1088. I said good day.

1089. See you, Doc.

1090. That is why, in general, a mad scientist is less desirable

1091. than a garden-variety scientist.

1092. lncoming!

1093. Look out! Out of the way! Watch out!

1094. Doc, you're a genius.

1095. A canned tornado, huh?

1096. Totally nonlethal, but totally effective.

1097. What is this thing you were handling before?

1098. That's a shrinker.

1099. How do you know? Oh, a manual. Cool.

1100. That's a high-temperature fabric adhesive liquid projector

1101. based on simple dry-cleaning technology.

1102. You aim that at a guy, and I'll tell you something

1103. his clothes get so tight he can't even breathe.

1104. I can trick that out with a clam shell holster.

1105. It comes with a leather carrying case.

1106. It's got a wad cutter and a full warranty.

1107. Nicely done.

1108. What do you call this?

1109. Careful, careful. That's a blame-thrower.

1110. "A blamethrower"? I'm sorry.

1111. Your bad attitude is hurting this team!

1112. Stop spitting on me! I already took a shower!

1113. You need another shower 'cause you stink!

1114. Want me to get that zit for you?

1115. I'm really shaking!

1116. I'm sorry! I'm sorry if I spit all the time!

1117. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1118. No, no, no. No.

1119. Doctor, you are a genius.

1120. That's what the card says.

1121. I still want to be with them when they go rescue Amazing.

1122. So why don't you just go back?

1123. No, I couldn't go back. I just left this morning. That would be . . .

1124. This is my place.

1125. That would be ridiculous.

1126. They're your friends. They'll understand.

1127. It's clearly what you want to do.

1128. That actually could work. I'm Mr. Furious, right?

1129. I'm unpredictable. I'm a loose cannon.

1130. I go storming off. Why can't I come storming back?

1131. I mean, it's all in how you play it, right?

1132. Or don't play it.

1133. Just go back, say you're sorry and help them save Captain Amazing.

1134. You think there's a really angry way I could say I'm sorry?

1135. Just 'cause that's kind of my . . .

1136. I gotta stick with the anger thing 'cause people like that.

1137. Maybe people like you for who you really are.

1138. You know?

1139. Okay, I'm gonna go.

1140. You should go find your friends.

1141. Good.

1142. Now, the three of you will be like the eagle's claw.

1143. You will snatch up the hostage and carry him to safety.

1144. We three scouts are like the eagle's eye: ever watchful for danger.

1145. Are you ready?

1146. Yes. Ready.

1147. Then let operation Three-Eyed, Three-Legged Eagle begin.

1148. Shotgun!

1149. I think not, my friend.

1150. Silly twit.

1151. Give me a second.

1152. Hey.

1153. What's up?

1154. Not a lot. What's up with you?

1155. Nothing much.

1156. Have you seen my address book?

1157. No. What did it look like?

1158. It's denim. It says "Hang loose" on it with a picture of a kitten.

1159. No.

1160. You should probably think about where you saw it last.

1161. Right.

1162. I should probably . . .

1163. Eddie, there's something I want to say, okay?

1164. I'm angry about being left out of this mission,

1165. and I'm angry about what's happening with this team,

1166. but I'm . . . I'm . . .

1167. Oh, boy.

1168. Temperature rising.

1169. Vision blurring.

1170. Rage taking over.

1171. Roy, I got an idea.

1172. Why don't you come with us?

1173. Okay.

1174. Rage subsiding.

1175. Pulse slowing.

1176. Anger fading.

1177. That was quick thinking, Eddie.

1178. I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt.

1179. Drink, drink!

1180. Mazel tov!

1181. Right then. I'll go and scout out a way in.

1182. What should the signal be?

1183. "Karee, karee, karoo."

1184. No, no, what about, "Whippoorwill, whippoorwill"?

1185. No. "Karee karoo."

1186. Yes, but isn't that better?

1187. Not interested.

1188. Enough with the cuckoo!

1189. We have to find an open window.

1190. That's what I just said.

1191. Go, go!

1192. Does everyone have a drink?

1193. Yes, we all do!

1194. You're all good?

1195. Good. Well, it is wonderful in my heart

1196. to see so many familiar faces once again.

1197. The Susies, assassins from the East.

1198. The Suits, downsizing all those who dare oppose them.

1199. And the Furriers, always dressed to kill.

1200. And the Frat Boys, still on probation for lethal hazing.

1201. Phi Zeta!

1202. And, of course, the Not So Goody Mob,

1203. putting the rhyme into crime!

1204. The pleasure's all mine, Frankenstein.

1205. We're about to perpetrate some evil on these Champion City people.

1206. Rapping, snapping, capping.

1207. Tonight, we are having quite a party, a surprise party.

1208. I have a little something up my sleeve,

1209. and I'm not just talking about the wart on my elbow.

1210. I have created a beautiful machine

1211. that is going to encourage our fellow citizens,

1212. to share my vision

1213. of the world!

1214. Can you dig it?

1215. What about Captain Amazing?

1216. That is an excellent question, Big Tobacco.

1217. What are we gonna do about the greatest superhero Champion City has ever known?

1218. For the answer, I want you all to walk this way.

1219. Dude, can we bring the brewskis?

1220. Yes, of course. You may absolutely bring the brewskis.

1221. Things look pretty quiet to me.

1222. lnvisible Boy, did you just let one go?

1223. No, that wasn't me.

1224. Well, it wasn't me.

1225. Don't run! He'll shoot!

1226. Is he doing what I think he's doing?

1227. Just go with it.

1228. Can anybody see anything?

1229. Hey!

1230. Who said, "Hey"? Not me.

1231. Eddie, you don't have to say, "Not me," okay?

1232. if someone says, "Who?" and you say . . .

1233. Hey, morons, over here.

1234. It's Captain Amazing!

1235. We've been looking for you.

1236. Turn on the light switch behind you.

1237. My, my. Well, well. We meet again, Captain?

1238. We're here to rescue you.

1239. Yeah.

1240. I'm Blue Raja. Do you recall me? Master of silverware.

1241. You told me to keep up the good work after the Red Eye skirmish.

1242. I meet so many people in this business, but I think so.

1243. Could you two locate the master ignition switch on the main console?

1244. Maybe you could open that up?

1245. Have you out in two shakes of a lamb's tail.

1246. Frightfully uncomfortable. Great.

1247. How does this work?

1248. I've seen one of these things.

1249. You've got to push this thing in and twist it.

1250. Don't force it!

1251. She's right, my little friend.

1252. This contraption is, in fact, a weapon of mass destruction.

1253. Casanova plans to turn it against the city at midnight.

1254. Something's happening.

1255. Okay, very good. On the wall to your left you should see two toggles side-by-side.

1256. "Toggles"? What do you mean? You talking about switches?

1257. I see them, Captain.

1258. Thank you.

1259. Flip the first toggle.

1260. Flipping.

1261. Excellent work.

1262. Now, flip the . . .

1263. Jolly good work, team!

1264. Could you just stay over there, please?

1265. Of course.

1266. Sorry.

1267. Now flip the second toggle.

1268. Do as he says.

1269. The man knows what of he speaks.

1270. I'm just gonna ask you directly:

1271. Do you know billionaire Lance Hunt?

1272. It's me.

1273. No, I'm kidding with you. I've always wanted to do that.

1274. What's next?

1275. I just told you, flip the second toggle.

1276. Again?

1277. What do you mean?

1278. Flip the toggle twice?

1279. No, no, no.

1280. Don't do that. Just flip it again now, one time. Flip it.

1281. Does he understand what I'm asking?

1282. Hold on a second. Exactly how many toggle flips in total,

1283. are involved in this procedure?

1284. I just . . . It's . . . Seven!

1285. Seven? Flip it!

1286. Seven?

1287. Everybody, hold the phone.

1288. You phrased that incorrectly. We need to know how many toggle flips are needed,

1289. not counting the gratuitous toggle flip you may have asked for

1290. in a moment of panic.

1291. Flip it!

1292. Could we just start again?

1293. ls there some sort of reset button on this thing?

1294. No, you little freak, there's no button for resetting.

1295. Flip the switch, lady. Don't stare at me.

1296. Lift your left arm. Flip it, you moron!

1297. You're a moron!

1298. I am not a moron.

1299. Do not call her a moron. That's not cool.

1300. I will do it!

1301. Flip the switch, lady! Don't look at me like that!

1302. It's this one, yes?

1303. Wrong switch.

1304. Everybody heard me say "reset button," right?

1305. Oh, my God, we killed him.

1306. What do you mean "we"? I was right here.

1307. I'm gonna check his pulse.

1308. I don't think he's gonna pull through.

1309. Somebody's coming. We gotta get outta here.

1310. Everybody should just keep holding their horses.

1311. Go, go, go.

1312. What the hell, man?

1313. This sucker's dead.

1314. What happened to him?

1315. As you can see, I have taken Captain Amazing

1316. out of the picture.

1317. It's time for us to rule.

1318. Tonight at midnight, I'm going to do to Champion City

1319. what I have done to its greatest superhero.

1320. And there'll still be time to go up, get down and boogie.

1321. Come on. Let's get out of here.

1322. Where's Captain Amazing?

1323. There's been a bit of a cock-up.

1324. Guys, I think we got a little bigger fish to fry right now.

1325. What the hell was that machine in there?

1326. I don't know. But I know where we can go to find out.

1327. The vermin are back, Tony.

1328. Vermin should be exterminated, Casanova.

1329. A fish fork is no match for my machine!

1330. But I think we should take out some insurance.

1331. Don't you think?

1332. It's a psychofrakulator.

1333. It creates a cloud of radically fluctuating free-deviant chaotrons

1334. which penetrate the synaptic relays.

1335. It's concatenated with a synchronous transport switch

1336. that creates a virtual tributary.

1337. It's focused onto a biobolic reflector.

1338. And what happens is that hallucinations become reality

1339. and the brain is literally fried from within.

1340. Where would you get something like that?

1341. I don't know.

1342. They used to say it couldn't be built.

1343. The equations were so complex that most of the scientists who worked on it

1344. wound up in the insane asylum.

1345. Which is where Casanova's been hanging for the last 20 years.

1346. if he turned that thing on the city, it'll waste everything in sight.

1347. Not "if." When.

1348. We need Captain Amazing.

1349. Yes, but, unfortunately, we just killed him.

1350. Unfortunately, you killed him.

1351. Just because you're having problems at home

1352. don't mean you can go around killing people.

1353. "Oh, sorry. Mummy. I'm English. I didn't mean it."

1354. K-l-L-L-E-D. You killed him.

1355. You killed him. You did. You were the one who flicked the switch.

1356. It's the same difference. He's still dead.

1357. You did kind of . . .

1358. Sphinx!

1359. What in heaven's name do we do?

1360. Sometimes,

1361. the true hero is the one with the courage to run away.

1362. I like the way this man thinks.

1363. Let's run.

1364. We can't run.

1365. Oh, yes. It's been established that we can run.

1366. This is egg salad loaded with cholesterol. The wife won't even let me touch it.

1367. Hardly seems to matter now. 'Cause chances are, we're already dead.

1368. Amazing is gone.

1369. There's no use waiting for the cavalry, because as of this moment,

1370. the cavalry is us.

1371. Yeah, but I don't wanna get frakulated.

1372. Psychofrakulated.

1373. We still get frakulated.

1374. This is our fight, whether we like it or not.

1375. Just we few.

1376. We're not your classic superheroes.

1377. We're not the favorites. We're the other guys.

1378. We're the guys nobody ever bets on.

1379. But I tell you what I think.

1380. You and that ball of yours have an appointment that you've gotta keep.

1381. lnvisible Boy, I think it's time you were seen.

1382. Sphinx, you have trained us well.

1383. Dr. Heller, you might just have given us the edge we need.

1384. Spleen, I don't wanna stand behind you.

1385. But I'll fight beside you with pride.

1386. Jeff, you've got a rare and beautiful gift.

1387. The city needs you tonight. And, Roy,

1388. in all the years I've known you,

1389. I've never seen you walk away from a fight.

1390. Why, you lifted a city bus once, man.

1391. I think you've got what it takes to handle Casanova.

1392. We're all in over our heads, and we know it.

1393. But if we take on this fight, those of us who survive it

1394. will forever after show our scars with pride and say, "That's right.

1395. "l was there. I fought the good fight."

1396. So, what do you say?

1397. Do we all gather together and go kick some Casanova butt,

1398. or do I eat this sandwich?

1399. I say, what the fork. Let's do it.

1400. if we're gonna bust into that mansion,

1401. you're gonna need more than a station wagon.

1402. At the auto yard, there's this old Herkimer battle jitney.

1403. Sally's always telling me to junk it.

1404. Wait. You have a Herkimer battle jitney?

1405. That's the finest non-lethal military vehicle ever made.

1406. All right, we'll meet at the junkyard. We'll go from there.

1407. I shall need more forks, I'm afraid.

1408. Those of you with loved ones, say good-bye before we go.

1409. You may not get another chance.

1410. Sei gesund.

1411. Hey, Mom.

1412. Jeffrey, what are you doing?

1413. I was just . . .

1414. I'm a superhero, Mother.

1415. A superhero?

1416. An effete British superhero, to be precise.

1417. I am pilfering your tableware because I hurl it.

1418. I hurl it with a deadly accuracy. The Blue Raja is my name.

1419. Yes, I know. I don't wear much blue, and I speak in a British accent.

1420. But if you know your history, it really does make perfect sense.

1421. The point is, your boy's a limey fork-flinger, Mother.

1422. Hard cheese to swallow, but there it is.

1423. What will the bridge club think?

1424. You need more forks?

1425. These belonged to your great-great grandmother.

1426. I was saving these for your wedding day.

1427. But from the looks of it, that day, it's probably a long way off.

1428. Mom, you're taking this incredibly well.

1429. I've always known you were special,

1430. but I just never realized how special.

1431. I'd better get going.

1432. I've got a city to save.

1433. Jeffrey? Yeah?

1434. Do the accent.

1435. I'd love to stay and chitchat, but I fear I must away with me.

1436. Our metropolis is in the clutches of madmen.

1437. Jeffrey? Cheerio.

1438. I really should get going.

1439. Okay.

1440. Thanks, Ma.

1441. I said I was gonna leave you, and I meant it.

1442. The city's in peril, Lucille. We're the best hope they've got.

1443. Eddie, please don't start.

1444. I don't expect you to believe me.

1445. I just came by to tell you that I love you.

1446. Tell the kids I love them.

1447. And now, good-bye.

1448. Good-bye, Eddie.

1449. I won't be here when you come home.

1450. Well, that's a chance I'm gonna have to take.

1451. Otherwise, there may not be a home to come back to.

1452. Wish me luck.

1453. Hi.

1454. You okay?

1455. I wanted to say I had a great time tonight.

1456. And you were really nice to me.

1457. And I would love to, to ask you out sometime.

1458. But if I don't call you, I want you to know it's because I'm dead.

1459. Me and my team, we're gonna take on Casanova Frankenstein.

1460. And it's pretty much a suicide mission.

1461. So, if there is anything that you wanna say to me,

1462. now would probably be a good time to say it, just 'cause . . .

1463. Yeah, I got a question for you.

1464. Cool. Kick it.

1465. What's your name?

1466. Do you mean my secret identity? 'Cause I couldn't.

1467. No, I just, you know, mean your name.

1468. My name.

1469. Okay.

1470. It's Phoenix.

1471. Phoenix Dark.

1472. Dirk. Phoenix . . .

1473. Dark-Dirk.

1474. It was . . . I was christened Dirk Steele,

1475. and I changed it to Phoenix.

1476. Forget about it. It's okay.

1477. It's Roy.

1478. That's my name. My name is . . .

1479. My real name is Roy.

1480. Just be Roy.

1481. Roy, the Roy. Yes, I'm Roy.

1482. Who is Roy? Roy is who?

1483. He's freaking out, man.

1484. Where's the guy who pretends not to be Roy?

1485. We've had quite enough of that. Just stop it.

1486. Just snap out of it. We're tired of it.

1487. I'm a wannabe. A true wannabe, in the worst sense of the . . .

1488. You guys are gonna have to go fight this battle without me.

1489. You start doubting your super powers, you are shafted.

1490. if I had any super powers, I guess I would be in trouble, but I don't.

1491. What do I do? I go . . .

1492. What are you talking about? You lifted a bus once.

1493. Precisely. That story's legendary.

1494. It was really more of a push, really, than a lift.

1495. That still takes incredible superhuman strength.

1496. It does, to push an entire bus out the way.

1497. Actually, the driver kind of had his foot on the accelerator,

1498. just in the beginning, just to get it going, then it actually was me.

1499. But he kind of . . .

1500. Oh, shit.

1501. Excuse me.

1502. It's a process which results in an accelerated flow of electrons

1503. that creates such a powerful magnetic force.

1504. This is basically like a huge electromagnet.

1505. Actually, it's an electro-nuclear-magnet.

1506. It's the next inevitable phase.

1507. Vis, can you close up those jockey boxes?

1508. lNVlSlBLE BOY: Right on it.

1509. Let's get suited up. We're out of here in five.

1510. It's time.

1511. Let's go.

1512. Shotgun!

1513. I've already called it, didn't l?

1514. Have a seat, my friend.

1515. Everybody ready?

1516. And we have lift-off.

1517. May the forks be with us.

1518. I'm sorry. Too much throttle.

1519. That's cool. I'm just gonna go.

1520. Yo, sit down!

1521. All right, here we go.

1522. Vaya con Dios.

1523. Somebody do something. We need him.

1524. Let's do this. You're a very furious man.

1525. Do you understand that? No.

1526. You got a lot to be furious about, and I'll tell you why.

1527. You're not well-liked. You're abrasive and off-putting.

1528. You try and say pithy things, but your wit is a hindrance,

1529. and so therefore, nothing is provocative.

1530. It's just mixed metaphors. Now, doesn't that make you angry?

1531. Does it infuriate you? No.

1532. It should. Are you angry? Come on, man!

1533. Your penmanship is atrocious.

1534. You dress like a male prostitute.

1535. Get real! I have no powers whatsoever.

1536. if he has no powers, maybe I've got no powers.

1537. Maybe I can't turn invisible at all.

1538. Do not go there, my son.

1539. When you doubt your powers, you give power to your doubts.

1540. I don't mean to be alarmist, but it's half 1 1 :00 already.

1541. Thirty minutes till Casanova blows up the city.

1542. Listen. We've got a blind date with destiny.

1543. And it looks like she's ordered the lobster.

1544. We're gonna ram the gate!

1545. What do you think? Should we knock or just let ourselves in?

1546. Hit the ground!

1547. They're shooting!

1548. I hope this magnet thing works.

1549. It's working.

1550. Go! Go!

1551. Everybody, into the disco room.

1552. Everyone, through here. Keep moving.

1553. Focus, people. Focus. Let's go.

1554. Hello?

1555. Wait!

1556. Laser eye.

1557. I knew I should have brought my large pie server.

1558. if we can't get through that door, this battle is over.

1559. This is it. My time has come.

1560. What are you talking about?

1561. Wait. Lnvisible Boy.

1562. I wouldn't do that, if . . .

1563. Come back here. You'll be cremated.

1564. It's all about me now.

1565. I'm the only one that can save us.

1566. He's right.

1567. Good luck, son.

1568. Nobody look at me.

1569. Don't look at him, or it won't work.

1570. I am transparent.

1571. I am like the window. I am see-through.

1572. I'm like Saran Wrap.

1573. I did it! I'm invisible! I really do have super powers.

1574. Can you see me?

1575. Yes.

1576. Two hands there, son.

1577. Maybe you should put some shorts on if you wanna keep fighting evil.

1578. Furriers, you will stay here and delay the attackers.

1579. Not So Goody Mob, fight from behind. The rest of you, into the atrium.

1580. And spread yourself out for a second wave of attack.

1581. The door. Door.

1582. On three. One, two, three.

1583. Shrink them.

1584. I say, they've gone from junior to missy petite.

1585. Now that's a wedgie she won't soon forget.

1586. My pants feel like they're shrinking too.

1587. This way!

1588. Look out!

1589. I got a bone to pick with you.

1590. Hold it, Little Daddy.

1591. You know what? Y'all make me sick.

1592. Give me that gun.

1593. I got them.

1594. Disco forever!

1595. lnvisible Boy, Spleen. Susies.

1596. Dig this, Shovel Man.

1597. Duck! It's the Susies!

1598. Grab the gun.

1599. It's stuck.

1600. Coast clear?

1601. Shoot anyway.

1602. I'm scared.

1603. No, you're not scared. Be strong.

1604. Say it with me "l ain't scared of no Susies."

1605. I am scared of the Susies.

1606. Say "I'm not scared of no Susies."

1607. Come on. You ready?

1608. Let's go!

1609. Dive! Dive!

1610. I'm hit!

1611. Where?

1612. I'm hit! Medic! Medic! Man down!

1613. Man down! I can't feel my ass. What?

1614. I can't feel my ass. What?

1615. Your powers still work?

1616. My powers? Weapons check.

1617. Fire in the hole! Pull!

1618. It'll do.

1619. Go check on Spleen, okay? Okay. All right.

1620. You ought to run, Tony P.

1621. You can't hurt me, Baby Bowler.

1622. 'Cause I'm protected

1623. by the god of hair care.

1624. And it's time to send you back to your daddy.

1625. You killed my father.

1626. That's right. 'Cause I'm a killer.

1627. And you're not. Let's face it, kid.

1628. You don't have the guts to kill me.

1629. You're right. I don't have the guts to kill you.

1630. Because I'm better than you. Yeah, that's right.

1631. A lot better.

1632. You know, I may even find the courage to forgive you someday.

1633. Carmine, on the other hand, feels differently than I do about forgiveness.

1634. Now I'm going back to graduate school. That was the agreement.

1635. We're doing it. We're winning. We're gonna pull this off.

1636. I wouldn't be so sure about that.

1637. Tell your funny-looking friends to put down their weapons, Mr. Furious.

1638. Just get out of here. He's crazy. Save yourselves.

1639. Put them down or I will slash your girlfriend's pretty little throat.

1640. Eddie, Jeff, do what he says.

1641. Thank you.

1642. It's so easy to get the best of people when they care about each other.

1643. Which is why evil will always have the edge.

1644. You good guys are always so bound by the rules.

1645. You see, I kill my own men.

1646. And lucky me.

1647. I get the girl.

1648. No!

1649. Don't worry. It will all be over so very quickly.

1650. What are you doing?

1651. They must have ripped the "Q" section out of my dictionary,

1652. 'cause I don't know the meaning of the word "quit."

1653. You want a little fisticuffs? Okay.

1654. Get him, Roy.

1655. Come on, Roy!

1656. It's the funkyskunkulator!

1657. We've got to stop it.

1658. Don't touch any toggles.

1659. Rage taking over.

1660. Ja. We've heard all that before.

1661. No, no.

1662. Rage really taking over.

1663. Frak-you later, Frankenpuss.

1664. Yeah!

1665. Get out of here.

1666. Hit the deck.

1667. How do we shut this thing down?

1668. Group hug!

1669. Yeah! Okay! Yeah!

1670. Hurry up!

1671. Get her closer to the hole!

1672. Dad, this is the way it has to be.

1673. The upshot is you won't be killed because you're already dead.

1674. No, I'm not going with you.

1675. if there's a time for separation, let me tell you something, this is it.

1676. Lift me up.

1677. Push her up.

1678. Help me lift her up. Help her.

1679. lNVlSlBLE BOY: You can do it. Hold on.

1680. Do it!

1681. I love you, Dad!

1682. Run! Run!

1683. Let's get out of here!

1684. Run for your lives!

1685. Run!

1686. Go!

1687. Go! Go!

1688. No one could survive the chaos we've just witnessed here.

1689. But as the dust begins to settle over the ruins of the Casanova's mansion,

1690. the question remains.

1691. Who were these brave heroes that gave their lives to save our city tonight?

1692. Did that frakulator work, or what? What's the deal there?

1693. Look. Something's moving. People are coming out.

1694. Could you tell us what's going on?

1695. Hi. Excuse me.

1696. Can you tell us what happened here tonight?

1697. We did it. We won.

1698. Hey, that's my team.

1699. We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork

1700. and the hammer of not-bickering.

1701. We are number one. All others are number two or lower.

1702. Who are you guys?

1703. They call me the Shoveler.

1704. That's my dad.

1705. My hero. I'm the Bowler.

1706. Hello.

1707. Blue Raja, master of silverware. Hi, Mom.

1708. I mean, cheerio, Mummy.

1709. Jeffrey.

1710. And you, sir.

1711. What's your name and your superpower?

1712. My name's Roy.

1713. I'm in a super amount of pain right now. Could you please leave me alone?

1714. His name's Mr. Furious, and his power comes from his boundless rage.

1715. Excuse me. Could I say something? I think we would all like this victory

1716. to go out to all the other guys.

1717. I'm talking about the people in this city who are super good at their jobs

1718. but never get any credit, like the lady in the D.M.V.

1719. That's a rough job.

1720. To the people that remember jingles

1721. from tons of old commercials.

1722. And people that support local music and seek out independent film.

1723. And the guy that drives the snow plow. And the school nurse . . .

1724. Eddie, Eddie, I think they got the point.

1725. What's the name of this group?

1726. lNVlSlBLE BOY: The Super Dudes.

1727. No, not the Super Dudes.

1728. We don't have a name yet, but definitely not the Super Dudes.

1729. I gotta get home. It's late.

1730. Picture, picture time.

1731. Whatever you call them, Champion City will forever owe a debt of gratitude

1732. to these mystery men.

1733. Wait. That's it. We are the Super Squad.

1734. No! Alliteration in these situations is corny.

1735. What? Yes, we're all very aware that you saved the day,

1736. and I'm sure we'll be hearing about it for the rest of our lives.