1. Where is the mic?
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2. How's my hair, Bob?
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3. Down to White House on
a short notice.
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4. And I got a hot date tonight...
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5. We're ready?
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6. Okay
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7. My teeth?
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8. No, no okay
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9. You're on in four,
three,
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10. - Camera roll!
- Two—
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11. - Hello, I am Signe
Bullwinkel here
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12. on top of the White House,
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13. where some very strange
things have transpired.
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14. It seems the President was eaten
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15. by some kind of giant
flying nose.
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16. Well...
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17. This was supposed to be
a celebration
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18. for lost astronaut Earl Jensen
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19. but then all hell broke loose.
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20. My hair!
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21. What's this?
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22. It seems like some kind of giant space chunk has landed.
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23. I'll try and get closer.
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24. - Excuse me, excuse me,
I'm with the news.
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25. Watch it, bitch!
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26. Quit pushing.
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27. - I see a door opening,
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28. and the ship is surrounded
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29. by military guards.
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30. What a wuss.
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31. - Well, now it seems
some cute little chipmunk
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32. has exited this strange craft.
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33. I don't know what's going on!
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34. It's hell!
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35. Hey, you can't do that,
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36. he's my producer!
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37. My cameraman is dead!
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38. I don't know what's wrong here.
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39. I'm getting out of here!
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40. - Best of luck, Earl.
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41. - Thanks Dr. Frubar.
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42. - Daddy!
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43. Daddy, Daddy, yay!
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44. Daddy, Daddy, whee, whee!
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45. Yay!
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46. Daddy, whee, whee!
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47. Yay, whee, whee!
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48. - Goodbye, Josie.
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49. I love you.
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50. - Goodbye, Daddy.
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51. 13, 12, 11, 10,
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52. nine, eight, seven, six,
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53. five, four, three, two, one.
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54. Fire!
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55. Engines at 65%, three
engines running normally.
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56. - Separation complete.
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57. He's in orbit.
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58. - Mission control,
there's a problem.
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59. I'm showing a massive fuel leak!
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60. - She did it!
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61. She pushed the fuel
eject button.
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62. Get this girl out of here.
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63. - Let me go!
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64. I didn't do it!
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65. Let me go!
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66. Let me...
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67. - Earl, this is Dr. F.
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68. As you can see, your fuel
is totally gone.
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69. - What happened?
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70. - I'm afraid, Earl,
Josie accidentally pushed
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71. the fuel eject button.
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72. But we're working on a
solution now.
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73. Send up a
ship to save me!
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74. - No can do, Earl.
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75. Here's the deal.
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76. There's no way we can save you.
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77. Look in your secret pouch.
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78. We interrupt
this program to go
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79. directly to the U.S.
space capsule.
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80. - Come in, Earl Jensen,
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81. in outer space.
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82. - Hello America, my name
is Earl Jensen.
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83. I've just learned that
my fuel is gone
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84. and I cannot return to Earth.
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85. But don't feel sorry for me.
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86. It's an honor to give
my life for my country.
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87. - Okay, now the flag.
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88. - And that great
visionary leader
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89. of the Department of Space, Dr.
Frubar,
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90. did everything in his
power to save my life.
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91. And with his continued
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92. and inspiring leadership,
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93. the conquest and control
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94. of outer space will be ours.
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95. But you can do something.
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96. If we had enough money for
our operations,
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97. I would be safe and
secure in space.
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98. So please open up your
hearts and your pocketbooks
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99. and send money to the
Department of Space.
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100. And another tragedy like this
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101. will never happen again.
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102. - Wait, I see it.
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103. Almost...
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104. Got it!
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105. Farewell, and God peed.
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106. - Earl, that's "Godspeed".
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107. Damn it!
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108. Hell, what a tragedy.
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109. Goodbye America,
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110. and goodbye my dearest Josie.
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111. I'll be back, Dr. Frubar.
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112. Count on it.
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113. - Darby.
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114. Ooh!
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115. Wait Darby, you're
supposed to be working.
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116. - But Josie, we're in love.
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117. - Josie, don't be a tramp.
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118. Think of your reputation.
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119. - Josie, grab all the
pleasure you can.
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120. Life's too short.
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121. - Josie, you don't want the path of sin and evil.
— Listen to your heart, it's saying,
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122. Fuck me!
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123. Fuck me!
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124. You want him, Josie!
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125. No, you're scared!
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126. It's saying,
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127. "Run away, be a good girl!"
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128. Sister girl,
you don't want to live
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129. a tedious life of
boredom and solitude.
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130. - Listen to me, Josie.
I know what's best for you and your precious soul.
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131. Men want to marry women
who are pure.
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132. Why buy a cow when you
can get the milk for free?
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133. What a load
of horseshit!
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134. Who wants to marry a cow?
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135. You know what your
dad always said.
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136. Either you live or you die.
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137. - What do you know?
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138. You are a whore, slut,
bitch, street trash,
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139. gutter tramp, pervert!
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140. - And you're a prude, virgin,
ice cube,
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141. lesbo, frigid hare, old maid,
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142. muff diver, carrot humper!
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143. How insulting!
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144. You'll burn in hell!
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145. You're the devil!
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146. And you're a
skanky penguin bitch!
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147. And you're a
sodomite, harlot, wench!
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148. And you're a dyke,
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149. - dairy freeze, tight ass, cobweb crotch!
— And you're a slut, dick-lover,
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150. jism joint, sperm bank,
debauched daughter of Satan!
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151. - And you're a
carpet-muncher, polar pubes,
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152. snow princess, glacier queen!
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153. - And you're a whore, harlot,
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154. wench, trollop, strumpet!
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155. Your breasts are fake!
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156. - Why, you bitch!
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157. - Okay, Darby,
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158. I'm ready.
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159. What's that?
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160. It's too big!
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161. Wow, it's fantastic.
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162. It can't be.
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163. It is!
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164. - Come on, Josie.
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165. I've got your Big
Bang right here.
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166. - Oh, you're a cutie.
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167. Are you married?
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168. Oh, you beast!
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169. Oh, your hot lips!
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170. I'm burning up!
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171. I need a fireman!
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172. Oh, baby!
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173. Put out my fire with
your big hose!
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174. Sir, the advertising
men are here.
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175. Department of Space.
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176. - Hello, Department of Space?
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177. This is Josie Jensen at
the Observatory.
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178. - Listen Josie, why don't
you get married
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179. and stop bothering us?
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180. - Trust me.
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181. Check coordinate 6245 and 71102.
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182. Okay, if you insist.
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183. - What a great view.
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184. Oh, come in, gentlemen, come in.
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185. I have something to show you.
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186. Please, watch the screen.
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187. Imagine you're on a
date and out pops a screen
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188. the size of Oregon.
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189. Oh Brad, you
have bad breath!
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190. For that
fresh, minty breath,
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191. use Smiley toothpaste
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192. and kiss your troubles goodbye.
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193. - Damned machine!
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194. Gentlemen, the Adship.
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195. Oh, my little baby!
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196. Oh yeah!
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197. Oh yeah, you're so pretty!
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198. Pretty pretty, pretty!
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199. Oh yeah, pretty, pretty, pretty!
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200. - Sir, the advertising
men are waiting.
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201. - Okay Josie, I'm
checking your coordinates.
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202. Wow!
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203. Pop it up on the big screen!
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204. Wow, what is it?
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205. A new sun?
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206. A new planet?
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207. - No, it's a fucking asteroid!
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208. - And it's heading our way!
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209. - You've got to call Dr. F!
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210. - Not me!
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211. - Gentlemen, here's your chance to get in on the ground floor
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212. of the most spectacular
ad adventure in history.
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213. Now, who's in, for only
one billion dollars each?
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214. So, who has the balls to
own the world?
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215. This is an opportunity
of a lifetime.
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216. So who is up for percentage?
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217. Yeah?
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218. - Dr. F, this is Tomkins,
in radar.
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219. - This better be important,
Tomkins.
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220. - We've spotted a meteorite,
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221. it's headed toward Earth.
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222. - So, blow it!
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223. - Yes, sir.
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224. - That can't be!
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225. It is!
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226. Stop the missiles!
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227. - Why?
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228. - Yeah, why?
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229. - Because it has a green tail!
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230. - So?
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231. - Yeah, so?
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232. - A green tail means it's
made of metal.
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233. And?
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234. - And?
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235. - It's my father's spacecraft! You've got to abort!
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236. - Do not abort.
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237. I repeat, do not abort!
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238. No, yes, no, yes!
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239. - Tomkins!
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240. You abort and you're fired!
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241. - Josie, Josie, I'm waiting!
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242. Josie?
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243. - Are you kidding?
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244. I've got to meet my father!
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245. - Josie!
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246. Wait for me!
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247. Where is he?
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248. - Just follow the streak.
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249. - Sinners, sinners!
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250. You can't ignore Jesus!
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251. You can't forget Jesus!
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252. You can't live without Jesus!
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253. You can't!
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254. You can't!
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255. You can't, you can't!
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256. You can't, you can't!
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257. Hallelujah, hallelujah,
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258. amen brother, amen!
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259. - Sinners!
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260. Sinners!
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261. Sinners, sinners, sinners!
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262. Repent to Jesus now!
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263. Repent, repent, repent!
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264. Now I want all of you sinners
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265. to close your sinful eyes
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266. and look up to heaven.
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267. Lord, take me now!
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268. Look out!
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269. Who's that old guy?
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270. - What's he doing?
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271. - Reaching for a gun!
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272. - Look out!
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273. - That's blasphemy!
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274. - Daddy!
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275. Daddy!
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276. - He's the devil!
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277. - Daddy, Daddy?
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278. Daddy!
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279. - Josie?
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280. Josie!
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281. Please...
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282. I must report to Dr. Frubar.
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283. - What happened, Mr.
Jensen?
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284. - No, I must see Dr. Frubar.
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285. Where have you been?
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286. - What happened, Mr.
Jensen?
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287. Mr. Jensen, what happened?
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288. How did you
survive the long ordeal?
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289. - Well, there I was, drifting
deeper into outer space.
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290. Huh?
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291. - What a load of bull!
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292. - I don't believe it!
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293. - What a fantasy!
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294. - Please, I need water.
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295. - Josie, let's get
him out of here.
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296. He's delirious.
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297. - Wait.
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298. Those were wonderful years.
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299. We worked.
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300. We played.
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301. We loved.
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302. And we prospered.
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303. We'd never been happier.
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304. Then...
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305. They returned.
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306. And so, here I am.
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307. Hello America.
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308. This is my friend,
Allen the alien.
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309. Next week, we meet
the President.
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310. and Dr. Frubar at the
White House.
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311. And I'm looking forward
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312. to introducing him to Dr.
Frubar.
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313. Ladies
and gentlemen,
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314. the President of the
United States!
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315. - Thank you.
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316. I have a few
introductory remarks.
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317. As you all know, although I
grew up in abject poverty,
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318. we never knew we were poor.
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319. My dear blessed mother,
she sacrificed,
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320. working three jobs, and
still served hot, nutritious
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321. meals full of love
and tenderness,
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322. with never a cross word
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323. or a slap across the face.
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324. Oh, havens, oh!
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325. Oh, poop in a handbag!
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326. I'm happy to welcome mad
adventurer, explorer,
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327. astronaut, that great American,
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328. Earl Jensen.
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329. - It's great to be here,
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330. in front of all of America.
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331. But I was told the great
Dr. Frubar would be here
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332. to introduce me.
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333. I know you're out there, Dr. F.
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334. Please come out and
share my glory.
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335. If you don't come up here,
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336. I'm going to get angry.
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337. - Relax, Earl. I'm sure
that everything
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338. will work out just
peachy and fine.
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339. - Come on up here, Dr. F.
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340. Dr. F, your President's
life is in danger.
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341. Come on up here, or the
President is history!
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342. - He can't do that, that's
the President of the US!
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343. Mr. President, hang on,
I'm coming!
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344. - It's a trap!
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345. Boris, come back!
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346. - The President's been
eaten by a nose.
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347. Well, check the regulations.
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348. - Come on up here, or
the President is history!
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349. Come on, Dr. F.
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350. - Daddy, what's going on?
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351. Let the
President go or I'll fire! - Help!
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352. Help!
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353. - What the hell is that?
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354. - Boris, you damned fool!
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355. Get up there, now!
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356. Earl, I don't know what
you are up to,
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357. but it's not going to work.
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358. Daddy, he's the man who
dumped your fuel!
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359. And you, where is my finger?
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360. No, no!
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361. - America, this is the real Dr.
Frubar.
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362. He left me in space to...
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363. - Let's here it for our
brave hero, Earl Jensen.
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364. America owes so much to
this great man.
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365. Also, I am proud to
announce the launching
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366. of my greatest achievement,
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367. the Adship!
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368. Quick!
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369. Fly me out of here!
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370. Helicopter mode!
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371. You're fired!
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372. If you want something
done right...
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373. You bastards!
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374. You're hitting my limo!
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375. - Daddy!
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376. Let's go!
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377. - Dr. Frubar!
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378. Dr. Frubar!
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379. Damn.
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380. They're escaping!
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381. - Daddy, who are those monsters?
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382. - Come on, Josie, we
gotta get out of here.
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383. - Daddy, what's going on?
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384. Who are those creatures?
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385. - Those creatures saved
my life out in space.
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386. And now we've got to help them.
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387. Look!
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388. Look out!
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389. - Look, there's Darby!
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390. - Josie, you're crazy!
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391. - Darby, you've got to
crash the dome
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392. and let the aliens escape.
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393. - Are you nuts?
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394. They're killers!
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395. - Do you love me?
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396. - You know I love you,
but Josie...
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397. I wish we can have a
normal, deep relationship.
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398. - You want depth?
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399. - Hey!
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400. - Do you love me, Josie?
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401. You're not just using me?
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402. - No, Darby, you know
better than that!
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403. Come on, Darby, go for it!
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404. Save the aliens!
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405. - I don't know if this is
the proper time, but...
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406. Darby, wake up!
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407. Darby!
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408. Darby!
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409. - Hold fire!
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410. You're hitting my Adship!
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411. Get up there!
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412. - I can't, sir, I'm
afraid of heights!
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413. - Get up there!
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414. - If we can get to that
cloud bank, we'll be okay.
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415. - Daddy, what's going on?
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416. Who are those creatures?
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417. - Remember, long ago, when
I was drifting into space?
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418. - Find him and kill him!
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419. Kill!
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420. Kill!
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421. Kill, kill!
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422. - Listen Josie, I needed
to get Frubar's confidence
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423. to get revenge,
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424. so I concocted that
Nose Planet story.
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425. - Daddy, you're hit!
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426. You need a doctor!
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427. - Josie!
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428. Promise me you'll take
care of the aliens.
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429. Josie.
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430. No, Daddy!
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431. I love you!
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432. - Daddy!
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433. Daddy!
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434. - Earl, why did you do this?
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435. You could've been a rich hero..
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436. - And you, Dr. Frubar,
could've been a human being,
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437. if only you'd put people
before profits.
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438. - Get rid of that wreck!
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439. Today, America weeps.
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440. This great American,
Earl Jensen,
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441. gave his life in the
service of his country.
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442. He tried to protect us from
those murderous aliens.
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443. This morning we found
his savaged body
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444. in the aliens' lair.
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445. He's now headed for the
great infinity,
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446. space.
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447. We've decided to dedicate the
launching of the great Adship
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448. to his memory.
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449. I'm sure he would have
wanted it that way.
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450. And the evil aliens,
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451. we'll return then back
to where they belong.
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452. So be here tomorrow at noon,
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453. and take part in history!
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454. Promise me you'll
take care of the aliens.
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455. - Yeah!
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456. - We're closing now.
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457. Please leave.
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458. Come on, we've
got to hurry, guys!
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459. - What the hell, Josie?
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460. Josie, what the hell is
going on here?
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461. - I'm just fixing his wound.
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462. I need your help.
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463. We haven't much time.
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464. - Well, I don't know...
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465. - Come on, Darby!
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466. - Okay.
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467. - Hey, wake up in there!
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468. Here's your last meal on Earth.
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469. Thank you.
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470. Access approved.
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471. Bon appetit.
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472. Ew, yuck.
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473. Thank you.
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474. Access approved.
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475. And have a nice day.
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476. - Come on, Darby!
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477. Pull!
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478. - I'm not going any further
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479. 'til you tell me the whole
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480. story about the aliens.
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481. - Okay, Daddy told me the whole
story just before he died.
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482. - No, no, no!
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483. - No!
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484. - Hey handsome.
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485. Looking good.
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486. Oh, what's that?
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487. A little surprise?
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488. A big surprise!
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489. Oh, come to mama.
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490. Oh, yeah.
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491. Oh, ah, you demon!
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492. Oh, you beast!
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493. Oh, ecstasy!
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494. Oh!
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495. Dr. Frubar.
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496. Yeah?
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497. - The advertising men are here.You may enter, gentlemen.
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498. Dr. F is waiting for you.
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499. - Darby, quick!
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500. The sun will soon be in place.
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501. So finish
the alien story!
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502. Battle-hardened
and eager to fight,
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503. the bait was readied,
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504. and the next thing...
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505. I spotted him blazing
toward Earth.
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506. - Hey, you're not in
advertising.
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507. - Hello gentlemen,
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508. I hope you brought your money.
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509. It's amazing.
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510. This report says that these
aliens are not from space,
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511. but from right here on Earth.
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512. Help!
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513. - Boris?
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514. Help!
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515. - Oh, Boris?
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516. - Help!
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517. - Hey!
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518. - They're gone!
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519. They've escaped!
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520. - Yeah, all right!
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521. - Wait, wait!
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522. - Ladies and...
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523. Ladies and gentlemen.
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524. Today is a great day in the
advancement of humanity!
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525. We're here to
inaugurate the launch.
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526. - To the left a touch.
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527. - Of a new effort.
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528. A new era.
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529. - That's it.
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530. Okay, it's in position.
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531. Open the lens cap.
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532. Now to the right!
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533. Dr. Frubar, help me!
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534. - Boris!
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535. There's Boris!
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536. I'll get him.
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537. - Ha!
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538. You freaks can never get me now! I'll be safe in my Adship.
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539. These stupid people
will tear you
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540. limb from mutant limb.
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541. Well, you're only the children
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542. of our space program
lab animals.
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543. Why you folks are about as dumb
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544. as anyone I've ever seen.
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545. Wouldn't even fill up the
tip of my pinky finger
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546. because they don't realize that
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547. well, you're just a bunch of
useless scientific cast-offs.
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548. - Dr. F said, blast off.
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549. - No, you idiots,
don't blast off!
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550. - Dr. F, don't leave me!
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551. - Tickle him!
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552. More, more, that's it!
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553. - Goodbye, Josie.
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554. - We're alive!
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555. We're alive!
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556. - It's the rocket tower!
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557. - Jump on!
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558. - It's probably a bad time, but,
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559. since we only have a
few minutes left alive,
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560. I wanted to give you this.
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561. You see, it's a mini telescope.
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562. You can actually see...
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563. Hm.
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564. Grab the steering wheel!
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565. I got this crazy plan!
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566. Got it!
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567. Take over.
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568. I'm jumping off to that trailer.
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569. Summer's coming,
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570. and you want to look
your best on the beach
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571. or on the dance floor.
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572. The Squeeze-Rod is your answer
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573. if you want to tone up
your arm muscles.
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574. The Squeeze-Rod is
great for abs and
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575. the buttocks region too.
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576. - Of humanity.
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577. You freaks can never get me now! These stupid people will tear
you limb from mutant limb
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578. because they don't realize
you're only the children
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579. of our space program
lab animals.
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580. They don't realize you are
just a bunch of useless
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581. scientific cast-offs.
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582. No, you idiots, don't blast off!
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583. Kill, kill, kill, kill!
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584. I'll take the ring now.
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585. Wait for me!
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