1. - Good. Are you on?
- Yeah, we're ready.Copy !req
2. My name is Calvin Cutler.Copy !req
3. What you're about to witness
is the most badass,Copy !req
4. fucked-up thing you'll ever see.Copy !req
5. We call this the "Bull's Eye. "Copy !req
6. Oh, yeah.
Don't try this at home.Copy !req
7. You're good? You ready, buddy?
All right. Right, ready?Copy !req
8. One... two... three!Copy !req
9. Tell me we got it. Just...Copy !req
10. Did we? No! No way, we got it!
No fucking way, dude!Copy !req
11. We got it! We got it! We got...
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
12. Look at that! Look at that!
Dude. Bull's eye, bro!Copy !req
13. Awesome!Copy !req
14. We're putting it on YouTube!
Let's go! Yeah!Copy !req
15. Dude, we got a view!Copy !req
16. Yeah, buddy, that was us
when we uploaded it.Copy !req
17. Well, then upload it again
so we can have two views.Copy !req
18. I... I don't think that's how it works.Copy !req
19. - Hit "refresh," dude.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
20. - No way.
- That can't be right.Copy !req
21. - Do me a favor.
- I just refreshed it.Copy !req
22. Let's see if it pulls up.Copy !req
23. No way. Twenty-five thousand
views, man!Copy !req
24. Five hundred thousand!Copy !req
25. - One million? Yes!
- You're too money!Copy !req
26. - I told you we're gonna be famous.
- We're gonna be famous and...Copy !req
27. April fools, suckers!Copy !req
28. I took the liberty of cloning YouTube
and hyper-inflating your views.Copy !req
29. You... You little shit!Copy !req
30. Did you just try to hit me
through your computer screen?Copy !req
31. Yeah, I did!Copy !req
32. Why don't you come in here so
I can hit you like a real man, pussy!Copy !req
33. Working on my science project.
Enjoy your page views.Copy !req
34. God, he's such a little spaz!Copy !req
35. - We need revenge.
- We do.Copy !req
36. - We need to April fools prank him.
- Yeah!Copy !req
37. - Hit him where it hurts.
- Square in his balls.Copy !req
38. No! We gotta do
something better.Copy !req
39. We steal his computer
and load it full of viruses.Copy !req
40. - Wait, where do we get viruses?
- Uh, duh! Porn sites.Copy !req
41. Why do you think my computer's
so slow? It's full of 'em.Copy !req
42. Oh, okay, but how-how do we get
his laptop if it's in his room?Copy !req
43. We can't just-just kick
in the door and steal it.Copy !req
44. How do you lure a dragon
out of a lion's den?Copy !req
45. I don't know.Copy !req
46. - You present him with a challenge.
- Challenge?Copy !req
47. A challenge. Jus... Follow my lead.Copy !req
48. - Baxter! Baxter, my man!
- What?Copy !req
49. Uh, me and J.J., we have
this computer problem.Copy !req
50. There's this movie on
the Internet and we can't find it.Copy !req
51. Can you help us?Copy !req
52. You're trying to get back
at me for that prank, right?Copy !req
53. No! Truce! Truce.
Seriously, we just, uh...Copy !req
54. we need to find it, uh,
before the FBI takes it down.Copy !req
55. You said the FBI?Copy !req
56. - Fucking FBI, the CIA...
- The CSI, NCIS...Copy !req
57. I mean, this video is so illegal,Copy !req
58. it has been banned
by every country in the world.Copy !req
59. Including Amsterdam.Copy !req
60. Where you could slap a cop
in the face with your penis,Copy !req
61. and they'd say, "danka. "Copy !req
62. Amsterdam is not a country!Copy !req
63. - Amsterdam's not a country?
- Since when?Copy !req
64. The shit's still banned there, dude.Copy !req
65. Yeah. Think about it. They... it's...
it's like it's the... the... the fucking...Copy !req
66. It's the most dangerous
film in the world.Copy !req
67. - It is.
- What's it called?Copy !req
68. Actually, you know what,
Baxter? You're right.Copy !req
69. It was an April Fool's prank.Copy !req
70. I'm sorry we brought you into this.Copy !req
71. You know, you should probably just...Copy !req
72. go on with your life and never
think about this again. Please.Copy !req
73. Wait.Copy !req
74. - What's so bad about it?
- You don't wanna know.Copy !req
75. What's so bad about it?Copy !req
76. Hey, slim!
What's so bad about it?Copy !req
77. - It can kill you.
- How?Copy !req
78. It can make you shit out
your intestines.Copy !req
79. It can make you bleed
out of your eyes.Copy !req
80. You know, one guy saw it,Copy !req
81. and he ran into a church, and
he just started humping the nuns.Copy !req
82. That was a huge story
a few years back.Copy !req
83. It can make you pull off
your own dick.Copy !req
84. Okay, why would you
want to watch it...Copy !req
85. if it can make you pull off
your own dick?Copy !req
86. Because...Copy !req
87. If you can watch it all the way
through from the beginning to end,Copy !req
88. you're rewarded beyond
your wildest dreams.Copy !req
89. With money. And sex.
And women.Copy !req
90. It's like that movie The Ring,
but with a good ending.Copy !req
91. - Yeah. And boobs.
- Lots of boobs.Copy !req
92. So what's this movie called?Copy !req
93. Movie.Copy !req
94. - Forty-three.
- Movie forty-three.Copy !req
95. It's not on Zwoogle.Copy !req
96. Yeah, of course it's not
on Zwoogle. It's banned!Copy !req
97. Okay. Then I guess
we'll need to dig deeper.Copy !req
98. Visit some dark corners
of the Internet.Copy !req
99. Mm, yeah, the dark
corners, dude.Copy !req
100. Yeah, get in there.
We gotta find this thing.Copy !req
101. I found a cloaked server
that houses banned videos.Copy !req
102. Start out with the forty-third one
on the list. Sound good?Copy !req
103. Yes! Yeah, you guys keep
working on this.Copy !req
104. I'm gonna go guard the door
for the uh, FBI,Copy !req
105. the CIA, and Mom.Copy !req
106. Look at this. Check it out.Copy !req
107. Hey. Ooh! You look good.Copy !req
108. Hope you're almost ready.
He's gonna be here any second.Copy !req
109. I don't know why I'm doing this,
Pam. I don't trust Julie.Copy !req
110. - I mean, what if this guy's a loser?
- He's not a loser.Copy !req
111. He made senior partner at his law
firm by the time he was,Copy !req
112. like, twenty-eight.Copy !req
113. So all he cares about is
his career and money.Copy !req
114. Mm, not according to Julie. He's a
volunteer with the Special Olympics,Copy !req
115. he's on the board of
the New York Philharmonic...Copy !req
116. He's opening a new restaurant
with Derek Jeter!Copy !req
117. But he's probably got one of those
awkward character faces...Copy !req
118. that sort of really has
to grow on you, right?Copy !req
119. Mr. "Character Face" is on
the cover of Gotham Magazine.Copy !req
120. - That's him?
- That's him.Copy !req
121. Yeah.Copy !req
122. And he's here. Go.Copy !req
123. - Do I look okay?
- Gorgeous.Copy !req
124. - You sure?
- Have fun!Copy !req
125. Bye!Copy !req
126. - I mean, you gotta be kidding.
- Several of them.Copy !req
127. I'm telling you, don't knock
shopping on TV until you've tried it.Copy !req
128. Beth, I think-I think you're
the first person I've ever met...Copy !req
129. who actually buys
stuff off television.Copy !req
130. - No! Come on!
- No, it's true.Copy !req
131. Oh, well where do you think
I got this scarf?Copy !req
132. And you know what?
I bet it's softer than yours.Copy !req
133. Okay. See, that's where
I draw the line.Copy !req
134. Do not start putting down the scarf.Copy !req
135. Here. Feel this. One-hundred
percent pashmina.Copy !req
136. Well, at least that's what
the guy on the street told me.Copy !req
137. Come on, then. Wow, that is soft.
Well, you know, I...Copy !req
138. Hey, Mr. H. Table's ready, sir.Copy !req
139. Great.Copy !req
140. - I'll take those.
- Thank you.Copy !req
141. - Please.
- Our table's ready.Copy !req
142. Thank you.Copy !req
143. After you.Copy !req
144. So, um, Carrie tells me you design
clothes for kids. No?Copy !req
145. Yes. Clothes for kids. I design...Copy !req
146. clothes... for kids. Kids clothes.Copy !req
147. Awesome. Awesome.Copy !req
148. So, if I see some kids looking weird
this summer, it may be your fault, huh?Copy !req
149. I'm just joking. I'm just joking.Copy !req
150. Your Russian Standard Vodka, sir.Copy !req
151. Am I that predictable, Abby?Copy !req
152. Eh... Yeah, you good with that? Or would
you prefer a glass of wine or...?Copy !req
153. No. No, I... I could, use it.Copy !req
154. Thank you.Copy !req
155. So, here's to a, Here's to
a wonderful evening. Cheers.Copy !req
156. Cheers.Copy !req
157. Those Russians know something.Copy !req
158. This is... a nice place.Copy !req
159. Oh, it's great. This pl...
Oh, you gotta check out the ceiling.Copy !req
160. Those beams were taken out...Copy !req
161. of this old Quaker meetinghouse
out in rural Pennsylvania.Copy !req
162. I mean, look. It's all oak. Isn't
that something? It's gorgeous, huh?Copy !req
163. Oh, wow, Jake. What's this?Copy !req
164. Well, Mr. H, this is a vichyssoise
courtesy of Chef Billy.Copy !req
165. Now, he heard that you guys
were coming in tonight,Copy !req
166. so he's put together a special
four-course meal for you.Copy !req
167. Lobster okay tonight?Copy !req
168. That's okay with me
if it's okay with you,Copy !req
169. un-unless you wanna
check out the menu.Copy !req
170. Beth? Unless you wanna
check out the menu, or...?Copy !req
171. - No, that's sounds lovely.
- Right.Copy !req
172. Terrific.Copy !req
173. Please thank the chef.
Thank you.Copy !req
174. Bon Appétit.Copy !req
175. Oh, you've, got something on your...Copy !req
176. Something on my neck? Leave it to me
to embarrass myself on a first date.Copy !req
177. Here...Copy !req
178. There? There? I got it?Copy !req
179. A little bit... bit more on-on
the left b... ball... One.Copy !req
180. Uh, left side. Of...
Dribbly bit.Copy !req
181. Thanks. I mean, no biggie. Trust me,
I've been through worse. I mean, as...Copy !req
182. As a kid, I used to get made
fun of all the time.Copy !req
183. Was it, because of your...Copy !req
184. My stutter. I... I used to have
a really bad stutter.Copy !req
185. Actually took probably nine years of
speech therapy to get rid of it.Copy !req
186. So, was there anything else they...
may have made fun of?Copy !req
187. - I don't know.
- Anything at all?Copy !req
188. Oh, yeah, some kids used to talk
a little smack about my neck.Copy !req
189. - You know.
- Oh, thank God!Copy !req
190. - What's up?
- I thought I was going crazy. I...Copy !req
191. What?Copy !req
192. I mean... not a big deal...
at all.Copy !req
193. It's just, what is the story there?Copy !req
194. Well, when I was six, I fell off my bike
and I landed on a sprinkler head...Copy !req
195. and they had to stitch me up
at the hospital.Copy !req
196. See, it's, it's just a scar. Right?Copy !req
197. I mean, kids could be mean.
They used to call me Frankenstein.Copy !req
198. They're like,
"He's alive. He's alive!"Copy !req
199. Well, I don't care, you know.
Kids make fun of everything, right?Copy !req
200. Is it just me or did it suddenly
get a little chilly in here?Copy !req
201. I think it may be that vent there.Copy !req
202. - Here we are.
- Man! Look at the size of those things.Copy !req
203. Oh, Jake, buddy, would you mind
turning up the heat just a tad?Copy !req
204. I think that, that vent's blowing
right on... not a problem.Copy !req
205. Thank you.Copy !req
206. And, uh, just let me go ahead and...Copy !req
207. - Sure.
- Get this out of your way here.Copy !req
208. Oh, God! Are you... Are you okay?Copy !req
209. It's my stomach. There's...Copy !req
210. Just get my breath back, you know.Copy !req
211. There he is! There's the stud!Copy !req
212. Hey! Angie! Ray!Copy !req
213. Hey, how the hell are you guys?
You're good?Copy !req
214. Apparently not as good as you.Copy !req
215. Hi, I'm Angie and this is
my husband Ray.Copy !req
216. - Hi.
- This is my new friend, Beth.Copy !req
217. She's slowly restoring
my faith in blind dates.Copy !req
218. Well, kudos to you, Beth,Copy !req
219. for getting this old workaholic
out of his office for once.Copy !req
220. Come on. Come on, Ray.Copy !req
221. Nice work!
You caught the big one!Copy !req
222. Did I?Copy !req
223. But... Do you not notice the...Copy !req
224. - Look how big little Evan's getting!
- Yeah. Little?Copy !req
225. Yeah. He's growing like crazy.Copy !req
226. - No.
- Who's a big boy?Copy !req
227. Who's a big boy, huh?Copy !req
228. Wow, Ray, he's a monster. You got
yourself a little linebacker here.Copy !req
229. A little linebacker that needs
to go to bed!Copy !req
230. Okay. You're off to bed.
There you go.Copy !req
231. - Fumble.
- Another pacifier down.Copy !req
232. I got it.Copy !req
233. Thanks, buddy. Thanks bud.Copy !req
234. Here, bud. Angie?Copy !req
235. You guys look so cute.
I gotta take a picture.Copy !req
236. Really?Copy !req
237. - Angie, please.
- Hey, let-let the man eat, honey.Copy !req
238. Come on, Ray. We have a picture
of our first date.Copy !req
239. They should have a picture of theirs.Copy !req
240. Come on, get your fanny over there
behind her and don't be shy.Copy !req
241. - All right. Okay, okay. All right.
- Okay.Copy !req
242. - I'm sorry about this.
- Get in close.Copy !req
243. Beth, I'm gonna need
you to hold still.Copy !req
244. Oh, God, they look so...Copy !req
245. Get down! Get your face down
next to hers! Come on!Copy !req
246. Take it. Take it. Take it, take it,
take it, take it.Copy !req
247. - So good!
- How's that?Copy !req
248. Now why don't you give
each other a little kiss?Copy !req
249. Oh, come on.
Angie, we just met.Copy !req
250. Come on, let 'em eat!
Let the man eat!Copy !req
251. - Come on! Just a little kiss.
- All right, all right.Copy !req
252. We'll do one, one kiss
on the forehead.Copy !req
253. - One peck on the forehead.
- We don't need to.Copy !req
254. - Ready? Okay.
- We really don't.Copy !req
255. We don't need...Copy !req
256. The fuck, man! Keep looking.Copy !req
257. Let's try the forty-second one.Copy !req
258. Yeah, yeah, good idea.Copy !req
259. Boobs.Copy !req
260. Pornography with viruses.Copy !req
261. Yeah, Baxter, you're going down.Copy !req
262. Keep looking.Copy !req
263. It's uh, roast Sumatra.
I grind the beans myself.Copy !req
264. Hey, thanks again for dinner.
You really didn't have to do this.Copy !req
265. Oh, please.Copy !req
266. What kind of neighbors would we be...Copy !req
267. if we didn't have you over
for a welcome dinner?Copy !req
268. Sean, Samantha was just saying
that they homeschool their son.Copy !req
269. Oh, that is interesting.Copy !req
270. Well, we just think it's
the only way to make sure...Copy !req
271. that he gets the best
education possible.Copy !req
272. You should really consider
it for your kids.Copy !req
273. Hey, you know, Kevin's upstairs
doing his homework right now.Copy !req
274. I'm sure he'd love to talk
to you guys about it.Copy !req
275. Wait. He... So you homeschool your son
but he still gets homework?Copy !req
276. It's very important to us
that Kevin has...Copy !req
277. a normal and complete
high school experience.Copy !req
278. Written assignments are to be done in
black ink. Not green or blue or pink.Copy !req
279. When are you gonna get that through
your thick skull, Mr. Morris?Copy !req
280. It's Miller.Copy !req
281. That's a detention.Copy !req
282. Move, move, move, move, move!
Pick it up! Pick it up!Copy !req
283. Come on, girlfriend,
pick your knees up!Copy !req
284. Oh, I... I see. It's...Copy !req
285. But don't you feel like maybe he's,
I don't know, missing out?Copy !req
286. Yeah, high school is about more
than just classes and homework.Copy !req
287. Absolutely. There's
the alienation, the loneliness.Copy !req
288. It should be the unhappiest
time in a boy's life.Copy !req
289. That's why we try to make sure...Copy !req
290. that Kevin doesn't miss out
on any of those essential...Copy !req
291. emotionally scarring experiences
that he'd get at a regular school.Copy !req
292. Fag!Copy !req
293. Faggot!Copy !req
294. You dropped your books, fuckface!Copy !req
295. Jesus! Dad, what the fuck!Copy !req
296. Whoa. You've got weird pubes.Copy !req
297. Hey, guys! Come check out
this kid's weird pubes!Copy !req
298. Still, it must be an awful lot
of work for you guys, though.Copy !req
299. Oh, sure, there is.
But we love it.Copy !req
300. I think we've put together
a pretty comprehensive plan...Copy !req
301. that provides Kevin with every
important adolescent experience.Copy !req
302. You know, socializing
with other kids...Copy !req
303. Hey. Kevin, right?Copy !req
304. Can I please come in?Copy !req
305. Look, Debbie Clark's here,Copy !req
306. the girl you asked out before.
It's gonna be awkward.Copy !req
307. Sorry. No. Sorry, sorry.
No. Sorry. Okay, okay.Copy !req
308. Mom. Mom, please no, wait.
Mom, just... if I...Copy !req
309. Extracurricular activities.Copy !req
310. What do you do?Copy !req
311. I suck.Copy !req
312. What do you suck?Copy !req
313. - Dicks.
- Louder!Copy !req
314. - I suck dicks! I suck dicks!
- Like you mean it!Copy !req
315. I suck dicks, I suck dicks,
I suck 'em all the time!Copy !req
316. If you were a superhero,
what would your superpower be?Copy !req
317. My superpower would be
sucking dicks!Copy !req
318. Dude. You have so much
poop on you right now.Copy !req
319. And of course the first kiss...Copy !req
320. that should be the most awkward
moment in any boy's life.Copy !req
321. Emily and Kara said
we should go all the way.Copy !req
322. What do you think?Copy !req
323. Um, do you have protection?Copy !req
324. So, dude.Copy !req
325. Don't tell Jeff or any
of those guys, but...Copy !req
326. I just wanted to say that...Copy !req
327. if I did like guys...Copy !req
328. you'd totally be the kind
of guy that I'd like.Copy !req
329. This is weird.Copy !req
330. I didn't mean any of that.Copy !req
331. Just talking, you know?Copy !req
332. Wow.Copy !req
333. I don't think I'll ever forget
the first time Kevin told us that...Copy !req
334. he wished he'd never been born.Copy !req
335. - He was only twelve.
- Precocious kid.Copy !req
336. You know, studies show
that the average child...Copy !req
337. doesn't express that kind of
self-loathing till they're fifteen.Copy !req
338. I bet.Copy !req
339. Here he comes.Copy !req
340. Hey, honey.
Meet the neighbors.Copy !req
341. Kevin, this is Sean and Clare. They
moved into the house three doors down.Copy !req
342. Oh, the Yeagers' old place. Great.Copy !req
343. Yeah, I'm, um, I'm... I'm Kevin.Copy !req
344. Uh, pleased to meet you.
Welcome to the neighborhood.Copy !req
345. - Nice to meet you, too.
- Thank you. That's so polite. That's...Copy !req
346. I'm heading out. A bunch of us are
gonna meet up at The Green.Copy !req
347. Ooh, The Green.Copy !req
348. And, uh, yes,
I finished my homework.Copy !req
349. Oh, and Jen and I are gonna
catch a movie afterwards,Copy !req
350. so I won't be home until late.Copy !req
351. Oh, that's fine. Just make
sure you say hello from us.Copy !req
352. Jen, my mom says hi.Copy !req
353. Hello, Jen.Copy !req
354. Hello, Mrs. Miller.
I'm the pretty girl.Copy !req
355. She is.Copy !req
356. - You guys have fun tonight. -
All right.Copy !req
357. Nice meeting you!Copy !req
358. So. Who wants cake?Copy !req
359. Creepy. Let's move on.Copy !req
360. Keep searching, dude.Copy !req
361. Hi.Copy !req
362. - There.
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
363. Now it's a picnic.Copy !req
364. Would you care for
a chocolate-covered strawberry?Copy !req
365. Oh my gosh, sweetie.
Talk about romantic.Copy !req
366. This is perfect!Copy !req
367. Julie, we've been together
for over a year...Copy !req
368. Sixteen months and two weeks.Copy !req
369. And in that time, I've come to realize
that you mean everything to me.Copy !req
370. Oh, Doug. You, too.Copy !req
371. And there's something
I want to ask you.Copy !req
372. There's something
I'd like to ask you.Copy !req
373. Okay, uh, you go first.Copy !req
374. - No, you go first.
- No, you first.Copy !req
375. No, you first.Copy !req
376. How about we say it
at the same time?Copy !req
377. Okay.Copy !req
378. - One, two...
- One, two.Copy !req
379. Will you poop on me?Copy !req
380. - What?
- Will you poop on me?Copy !req
381. What? What are you...Copy !req
382. Wait, what did-
what did you say?Copy !req
383. I... I trust you. I feel like
you're my soul mate.Copy !req
384. I want to give you this gift.
I want you to be my first.Copy !req
385. To poop...Copy !req
386. On me. What?Copy !req
387. You don't want to?Copy !req
388. No, I... I mean...Copy !req
389. Are you not attracted
to me anymore?Copy !req
390. Of course I'm attracted
to you, honey.Copy !req
391. So will you? Poop on me?Copy !req
392. Ah, man. You just hit
the fucking lottery, man.Copy !req
393. You don't think it's a little weird
for wanting him to shit on her?Copy !req
394. Slow down, man. Have some
respect for this guy, okay?Copy !req
395. She did not ask him to shit on her.Copy !req
396. Shitting is something
you do on a whore.Copy !req
397. - Right.
- Right?Copy !req
398. Pooping is a gift you give
to your soul mate.Copy !req
399. - 'Course.
- I never looked at it like that.Copy !req
400. So tell me, man, what's on the menu?
Before you do the big deed.Copy !req
401. I don't... I don't know.
Does it fucking matter?Copy !req
402. - Is she a vegetarian?
- No.Copy !req
403. Boom! Big beef burrito, with
extra beans on that bad boy.Copy !req
404. Put some salsa,
some guacamole for color.Copy !req
405. When it come out of you, it's a
festival. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
406. You went the extra yard
for your lady. You hear me?Copy !req
407. No, I'm doing something
classy, okay?Copy !req
408. I'm doing seared ahi tuna steaks,
a salad, and red wine.Copy !req
409. - No. No, no, no! Fuckin' no!
- Nice.Copy !req
410. It's not about how fancy it goes in.
It's about how fancy it comes out.Copy !req
411. Well... And believe me, Mexican
food makes a fuckin' mess.Copy !req
412. And don't mess with fuckin' salads.Copy !req
413. You know what salad does?
It locks down your bowels.Copy !req
414. You don't want your bowels
all locked down, do you? No.Copy !req
415. Drinks are cool.
Have a few fuckin' drinks.Copy !req
416. - Makes you last longer.
- Last longer?Copy !req
417. You don't want to be Mr. Two Squeeze,
Thank-You Please, right?Copy !req
418. - You really don't want to be that.
- Billy, goddamn, Billy.Copy !req
419. Why don't you go over there while
grown people are talking over here.Copy !req
420. Go over there and play with your
GI Joes or some shit, man.Copy !req
421. Yeah, I'll go over there.Copy !req
422. Look it. Take my advice
on this one.Copy !req
423. You go out tonight and you
shit on a few skanks. Okay?Copy !req
424. Get it all out your system.Copy !req
425. Fuckin' tomorrow, you are
a one-poop man.Copy !req
426. Understand?Copy !req
427. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
428. Viagra, brother.
Poop Viagra. Yeah.Copy !req
429. - Just carry that on you?
- Yeah, I carry that shit around on me.Copy !req
430. - At barbecues?
- You goddamn right.Copy !req
431. I got a meat problem.Copy !req
432. All your fuckin' meat,
I gotta clean that shit out.Copy !req
433. - Okay, yeah.
- Okay? Fine, then.Copy !req
434. - I'm ready, sweetie.
- Oh, fuck.Copy !req
435. One second.Copy !req
436. I love her. Hey, I love her.Copy !req
437. - Oh, oh! You look nice.
- Thank you.Copy !req
438. Okay. Let's go...Copy !req
439. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Honey.
What are you doing?Copy !req
440. What am I doing? I'm...
You know what I'm doing.Copy !req
441. I'm trying to, you know.Copy !req
442. Not yet, tiger. I wanna savor this.Copy !req
443. Oh, okay. Well,
I kinda... I kinda got to, uh...Copy !req
444. No, no, no, no. Come here.
Come here and kiss me,Copy !req
445. and then you can give me
your special present.Copy !req
446. - Tell me how much you love me.
- Oh, I love you so much.Copy !req
447. - How much?
- I love you so much I'd kill a man.Copy !req
448. Can we do this, please?Copy !req
449. - I bought this special lavender lotion.
- Okay.Copy !req
450. - Why don't you get my neck ready.
- You want it on your neck?Copy !req
451. Why? Does that not work for you?Copy !req
452. It's fine, it's fine. Here we go.Copy !req
453. That's nice.Copy !req
454. Okay, okay. There we go.
Let's get it and...Copy !req
455. - No. No. Not yet.
- What?Copy !req
456. - No. Come here.
- What?Copy !req
457. - You're so excited.
- I know. I can't stand it.Copy !req
458. Gosh. Remember the day
that we met?Copy !req
459. Yes.Copy !req
460. Did you ever think that someday
you'd be able to...Copy !req
461. - you know?
- Honestly, no. No, I didn't.Copy !req
462. Do you remember what
I was wearing that day?Copy !req
463. Baby, what was I wearing?Copy !req
464. - Do you remember what I was wearing?
- A yellow sun dress!Copy !req
465. Come on! Roll over and let me
shit on you, please!Copy !req
466. Excuse me?Copy !req
467. I'm sorry. Poop on you.
I meant poop on you.Copy !req
468. Honey, I would never shit on you.Copy !req
469. I would never shit on you. Honey?Copy !req
470. Come here. I love you! Fuck!Copy !req
471. Oh, I can't.Copy !req
472. Julie! Come back!Copy !req
473. Oh, baby, please! I love you!
I want you to marry you!Copy !req
474. Oh, my God! Doug, no!Copy !req
475. Oh, jeez!Copy !req
476. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
477. - Doug! Doug! Call a fucking ambulance!
- I'm on it!Copy !req
478. Hold on. Hold on, baby, okay?
Hold on. You're gonna make it.Copy !req
479. Oh, Julie, I love you.Copy !req
480. I love you.Copy !req
481. All of this was for me?Copy !req
482. Yeah, I guess so.Copy !req
483. Oh, yeah? It's so beautiful. It's the
most beautiful thing I've ever seen.Copy !req
484. Yes... I will marry you.Copy !req
485. I will marry you, Doug.Copy !req
486. CougarCrate, where the web's
hottest cougars hang out.Copy !req
487. CougarCrate. Perfect.Copy !req
488. Prepare yourselves, because
the cougars are on the prowl.Copy !req
489. Look at you. You are nice.
I like that peace sign.Copy !req
490. Just warmin' up... What?Copy !req
491. - Calvin?
- Wh... What's going on?Copy !req
492. He's gone all Beautiful Mind on us.Copy !req
493. He's off the fuckin' grid.Copy !req
494. - Come on, Baxter. Think!
- Dude,Copy !req
495. he's taken this shit
to a whole new level.Copy !req
496. Everything...
divided by nine...Copy !req
497. Calvin, great. J.J. and I were trying
to delineate our search protocols.Copy !req
498. Can you tell me anything more about
this video? Where'd you hear about it?Copy !req
499. St-Stevie Schraeder.Copy !req
500. Stevie Schraeder. Stevie.Copy !req
501. Got it! It's time to bring
out the big guns.Copy !req
502. "Falcontron"? What's this?Copy !req
503. It's the most elite search
engine on the Internet.Copy !req
504. Only fifty humans have access.
Twelve are heads of state.Copy !req
505. So how do you have access to it?Copy !req
506. I hacked into the mainframe
of the Bundesnachrichtendienst.Copy !req
507. Stop making up words, Baxter.
Seriously.Copy !req
508. He does that all the time.
He just makes up...Copy !req
509. It's the German intelligence bureau.Copy !req
510. "Bureau"? It's not a word.Copy !req
511. Attention P-Town shoppers:Copy !req
512. Be sure to check out our
insert in Sassy Lass magazine...Copy !req
513. for killer deals on the
Dr. Cole family of products.Copy !req
514. We're now offering a buy one
get one "Senior Prom" special...Copy !req
515. on lambskin condoms
and boxed wine.Copy !req
516. And don't forget our
"Deadbeat Dad" discount...Copy !req
517. On all disposable cameras
and whiffle ball bats.Copy !req
518. Got a dry, itchy vag?Copy !req
519. Today, we are offering a two-for-one
deal on Beave Lotion.Copy !req
520. That's lotion for your beave
by Moisture Maid, ladies...Copy !req
521. now on sale on aisle four.
Be sure to check out...Copy !req
522. Neil.Copy !req
523. Veronica.Copy !req
524. Neil.Copy !req
525. You look pale.Copy !req
526. You look pregnant.Copy !req
527. You look like you slept
in a soup kitchen urinal.Copy !req
528. You look like you bathed in
a Dumpster behind the abortion clinic.Copy !req
529. You look like the kid who
got cancer for Christmas.Copy !req
530. You look like the slutty one
on The Golden Girls.Copy !req
531. - Dorothy?
- Blanche.Copy !req
532. You take that back!
You son of a bitch!Copy !req
533. You take it back!
Take that back!Copy !req
534. I want to taste you.Copy !req
535. I want to lick you till you weep.Copy !req
536. - How's your acid reflux?
- How's your HPV?Copy !req
537. It's your HPV, Veronica.
I'm just carrying it.Copy !req
538. Let's not have another
“chicken or the egg” debate, Neil.Copy !req
539. No. Let's.Copy !req
540. - Chicken.
- Egg.Copy !req
541. Your flesh...Copy !req
542. slick with cocoa butter...Copy !req
543. it haunts me.Copy !req
544. - How's Veronica?
- Veronica's fine, Veronica.Copy !req
545. I can't believe you named
your dog Veronica.Copy !req
546. Can't believe you sucked off that
hobo from Magic Bean.Copy !req
547. He was a wizard, Neil.Copy !req
548. Shh. I wanna be on you.Copy !req
549. In you.Copy !req
550. I wanna be...Copy !req
551. all...Copy !req
552. over your chin.Copy !req
553. Do you still like créme brûlée?Copy !req
554. Do you still like fingers
in your butthole?Copy !req
555. You know the answer is yes.Copy !req
556. Oh, Neil.Copy !req
557. Veronica.Copy !req
558. - Neil.
- Veronica.Copy !req
559. I wanna get over you.Copy !req
560. I wanna give you a hickey
on your vagina.Copy !req
561. You already have, Neil.Copy !req
562. You already have.Copy !req
563. I'll see you in church.Copy !req
564. Not if I see you f...Copy !req
565. May I?Copy !req
566. I'm no Romeo, folks,
but I know what love is.Copy !req
567. It's an over-the-chinos rub and tug
during your first AA meeting.Copy !req
568. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
569. And if I was in your shoes,Copy !req
570. I would climb Dick Mountain
mouth first just to get her back!Copy !req
571. Sir!Copy !req
572. Are we gonna let
that foxy little thing...Copy !req
573. run willy-nilly out
of this boy's life?Copy !req
574. No! No!Copy !req
575. Are we gonna help this youngster...Copy !req
576. take that sweet ass
to pound town?Copy !req
577. - When's your shift up?
- Five a. m.Copy !req
578. - I'll take it till three.
- I got three to five!Copy !req
579. Thank you.Copy !req
580. Don't be a bitch about it.Copy !req
581. Go get her, son!Copy !req
582. What's that?Copy !req
583. It's not as exciting
as you might think. It's... It's...Copy !req
584. For me, I like to say it's more about,
just like, helping people, you know.Copy !req
585. - It's not about punishing criminals...
- Right, yeah, I totally understand.Copy !req
586. - It's just, it makes you feel good...
- Robin!Copy !req
587. - Oh, no.
- Robin!Copy !req
588. Hey, Robin. Where you been?
Hi, how you doing.Copy !req
589. You missed your meeting
with your parole officer.Copy !req
590. - What? Parole officer?
- No. He's kidding.Copy !req
591. Yeah, yeah, this guy got in some
trouble a while back for...Copy !req
592. whipping out his little
Dick Grayson on a playground.Copy !req
593. No, I didn't.Copy !req
594. But, it's all good. I mean,
your wife forgave you, right?Copy !req
595. - What?
- You're married?Copy !req
596. - Married pervert. Yeah.
- No, I'm not!Copy !req
597. Stacey, I'm... I'm not married!
He's kidding!Copy !req
598. Oh, man. Dodged that bullet.Copy !req
599. The hell are you doing here, Batman!
You're gonna ruin this!Copy !req
600. Calm down!
Hey, look, I read on Twitter...Copy !req
601. that a super-villain's gonna bomb
this loser meet and greet.Copy !req
602. So I'm here to save the day,
like I do, all the time.Copy !req
603. I mean, you know, it's my thing.Copy !req
604. - I'm the Batman!
- Yeah, baloney!Copy !req
605. You're here to ruin my chances with
women like you do all the time.Copy !req
606. No way, brother! No way!
No, I'm-I'm in support of this.Copy !req
607. Get one more speed date, okay,
then we gotta find that bomb.Copy !req
608. Ah, this sucks.Copy !req
609. Uh, little tip. Uh, less boy,
more wonder, right?Copy !req
610. Ah, that's very clever.Copy !req
611. - Dazzle them!
- Yeah, okay. Thanks.Copy !req
612. Hi.Copy !req
613. - Oh, hi.
- Lois. Lois Lane.Copy !req
614. No, I... I know. I've... I've...Copy !req
615. it's... it's me, Robin.
We... We've met several times.Copy !req
616. - Robin what?
- Ro... Robin. That's it.Copy !req
617. I helped save you from Lex Luthor.Copy !req
618. Sorry.Copy !req
619. You were like, "I'll never forget
this as long as I live. "Copy !req
620. Sorry again.Copy !req
621. - I thought you were dating Superman.
- No, no.Copy !req
622. - We broke up about six months ago.
- I didn't-I didn't know that.Copy !req
623. - He's been stalking me ever since.
- Really?Copy !req
624. Last night, I look out
my bedroom window,Copy !req
625. and there he is just floating there,Copy !req
626. just stroking that nasty little
curl, and masturbating!Copy !req
627. Blew his wad all over my window!Copy !req
628. - He broke the window!
- The, the... From the...Copy !req
629. Uh, his jizz is like a shotgun blast!Copy !req
630. You know that shiny stuff
in his hair? It's not hair gel.Copy !req
631. - Lois! Oh, my God!
- Oh, no!Copy !req
632. - Nice to see you!
- Nice to be seen! Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
633. No, no, no. Yeah, we're in the...Copy !req
634. - Do you know each other?
- Yeah, we work together.Copy !req
635. - You do?
- Hey, how's Superman?Copy !req
636. I'm gonna give him a call right now,
actually. I need...Copy !req
637. - No, no! Don't do that!
- Oh, no, I'm gonna do it.Copy !req
638. - Batman, don't. Please. Please.
- It's already ringing.Copy !req
639. Hey, Soups! What's up, brother!
It's the Dark Knight.Copy !req
640. Hey, man, I was just thinking
about you here...Copy !req
641. 'cause I'm sitting with Lois...Copy !req
642. and she's on a date
with my boy, Robin.Copy !req
643. - No!
- Oh, he hung up. I lost him.Copy !req
644. Stay away from Lois
or I'll use my heat vision...Copy !req
645. to fuse your balls into
one big ridiculous uniball.Copy !req
646. Superman, you don't understand.Copy !req
647. I'm not here to hit on your
girlfriend. That's crazy!Copy !req
648. Batman and I are undercover
and we're looking for a bomb.Copy !req
649. Bomb? I don't give two
super-shits about a bomb.Copy !req
650. As long as I'm balls-deep
in Lois, I'm solid gold.Copy !req
651. Stay away from Lois, bitch!Copy !req
652. Goddammit!
That's his thing!Copy !req
653. No, so I told him, you know,Copy !req
654. "I mean, we're gonna
be fighting crime, buddy, so... "Copy !req
655. Oh, there he is.Copy !req
656. "Uh, you know, you should
put on some pants. "Copy !req
657. But he liked the costume
the way it is, so,Copy !req
658. you know, what are
you gonna do. Kids.Copy !req
659. - Well... Thursday?
- Thursday it is!Copy !req
660. - See you then.
- All right, now.Copy !req
661. And, nice legs.Copy !req
662. You make me wear this.
He makes me wear this outfit!Copy !req
663. So unfair! I hate it!Copy !req
664. She's a hoot! All right,
that was your date. Let's go.Copy !req
665. - Bullcrap! That doesn't count!
- What do you mean that doesn't count?Copy !req
666. That was a girl, this was a date.Copy !req
667. Now, let's boogie.
We gotta go find that bomb.Copy !req
668. Please, just let me do one more.
That doesn't count. Please.Copy !req
669. Oh, my God, you're such a baby.
Go! Sit down. Fine.Copy !req
670. - Yes!
- Fine. Go ahead.Copy !req
671. Have fun. But you're not
gonna do it on your own.Copy !req
672. - Pop that in your ear.
- What's that?Copy !req
673. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna
get underneath the table,Copy !req
674. hide down there and feed you lines
to help bag this next gal.Copy !req
675. Oh, right,
like Cyrano de Bergerac.Copy !req
676. I don't know what that is.
It's more like Roxanne.Copy !req
677. Okay, but look, I... I'd really
rather do this on my own.Copy !req
678. Okay, and I hear you, and I appreciate
what you're saying,Copy !req
679. - but I, you know, I'm gonna do it.
- Please don't.Copy !req
680. - I'm gonna do it.
- Batman, don't. Please, please, don't...Copy !req
681. Hi. Sorry, sorry I'm late.
There's a line in the bathroom.Copy !req
682. Hi. I'm Supergirl.Copy !req
683. - My name...
- I'm Robin.Copy !req
684. Hi, I'm Robin.Copy !req
685. Um, so where you from?Copy !req
686. - So, where you from?
- I... Um, Krypton.Copy !req
687. Krypton, eh. Where...
That's, that's, uh...Copy !req
688. - Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
689. - Dude, I can see her snatch.
- Dude, I can sn...Copy !req
690. Oh, my God! I can't believe
the size of this thing.Copy !req
691. It's like a giant fucking cornfield.
It's enormous down here.Copy !req
692. It's crazy. Look at that.
I... I... I feel like at any moment,Copy !req
693. Shoeless Joe Jackson could walk out
of it and I could play catch with him.Copy !req
694. Krypton. I... I hear it's really nice.
I... I have never been...Copy !req
695. You didn't hear that the Sun supernova
and destroyed our entire race?Copy !req
696. I wanna wash dishes with it.Copy !req
697. Did it? I did not...Copy !req
698. It's a huge, bushy
catastrophe down here.Copy !req
699. Feel like Sean Penn should do
a benefit for this thing. It's...Copy !req
700. What? Oh, no.
You can hear him, can't you?Copy !req
701. Yeah, I can hear him.Copy !req
702. I can also see Batman
underneath the table.Copy !req
703. Cause of the x-ray vision.
Of course.Copy !req
704. No, I can just see him. It's a cafe
table. I mean, it's really obvious.Copy !req
705. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
706. Ah, dude. I'm so sorry about
your family dying and...Copy !req
707. Oh, man! That took me back
to the seventies, huh?Copy !req
708. Hold on. There's our culprit.
It's the Penguin.Copy !req
709. Excuse me. I'm gonna go
do some Batman-ing.Copy !req
710. Do you need any... Can I help?Copy !req
711. Oh, it's hard to pick up with gloves.
There you go.Copy !req
712. Excuse me, sweetie. How you doing.
You mind fucking off for a little bit?Copy !req
713. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Thanks.Copy !req
714. - See you later, citizen.
- How dare you!Copy !req
715. You son of a bitch! Where's
the bomb, you fat fucker?Copy !req
716. - Hey! Asshole!
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
717. What do you think you are?
Some big man?Copy !req
718. Picking on a little fat guy?Copy !req
719. Take it easy! That's the Penguin.
That's what I do.Copy !req
720. Why didn't you call me?Copy !req
721. I... No... I...Copy !req
722. You said that you
were gonna call me.Copy !req
723. Wait a minute. Did I not? I know I
dialed a number... Did I not hit "send"?Copy !req
724. You said that you were gonna stick
by me no matter what happened.Copy !req
725. And then your little Bat-condom
breaks, and then you just disappear!Copy !req
726. Do you know what it's like going
to Planned Parenthood by yourself,Copy !req
727. when you're Wonder Woman?Copy !req
728. Okay. Not very romantic talk.Copy !req
729. Roe v. Wade here
at a speed dating situation.Copy !req
730. Uh, look, I was fighting crime!
Ask Robin. Robin, vouch for me.Copy !req
731. - He cries after sex. Do you know that?
- Why would I know that?Copy !req
732. Like a baby.
After sex, what do you say?Copy !req
733. "Oh, my soul's so dark. "
Because you saw some bats...Copy !req
734. when you were little?
You pussy!Copy !req
735. Attention, Gotham City speed daters:Copy !req
736. How the fuck did he
get over there?Copy !req
737. It was all a clever ruse.
I'm not speed dating.Copy !req
738. Some of you should remember
I'm happily married.Copy !req
739. - That's right!
- You were all there at the wedding.Copy !req
740. - Okay, bomb strapped to my chest.
- Oh, yes. In any case,Copy !req
741. you all have to give me some
unimaginable sum of money...Copy !req
742. or else I'm going to blow up
Supergirl with this bomb.Copy !req
743. Dat dat dat dat! The detonator
is in this umbrella.Copy !req
744. - Cool it.
- No, you cool it.Copy !req
745. My non-monocled eye!
Where are you?Copy !req
746. Disarm!Copy !req
747. Yes!Copy !req
748. - Are you okay?
- I think so.Copy !req
749. You saved my life!Copy !req
750. Just-Just doing my job.Copy !req
751. Kiss. Kiss her.Copy !req
752. Open her mouth
and touch tongues.Copy !req
753. Put your tongue inside her mouth...Copy !req
754. and that'll coax her tongue
to go into your mouth!Copy !req
755. Yeah! You, uh, squeeze her boobies.Copy !req
756. Yeah, and touch her butt.Copy !req
757. - Doesn't that look nice?
- It looks so nice.Copy !req
758. Oh, yeah. Hold on!
Not so fast!Copy !req
759. Oh, God!Copy !req
760. - Riddler!
- Riddler!Copy !req
761. That is right! The Riddler!Copy !req
762. In a diabolical scheme to get Robin and
me to this speed date to stop a bomb,Copy !req
763. only to lure Robin away
to some seedy warehouse...Copy !req
764. where you're gonna hang him above
a vat filled with thumbtacks...Copy !req
765. or lizards or some fucking bullshit!Copy !req
766. Well it didn't work, muchacho!Copy !req
767. That was amazing.
How did you do that?Copy !req
768. I mean, how'd you know
that she was a fake?Copy !req
769. Bush that size is only good
for one thing,Copy !req
770. and that one thing is hidin' the wang!
You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
771. Wait. Let me get this straight.
So you knew all the way back then?Copy !req
772. - You knew that she was a dude?
- Whole time.Copy !req
773. Wh... Why'd you make me kiss her?Copy !req
774. Him. This.Copy !req
775. I don't know.Copy !req
776. I guess I woke up this morning with
a little case of the fuck-arounds.Copy !req
777. You know I'm just having fun.
My buddy! Woo!Copy !req
778. Remember this?Copy !req
779. Ugly isn't it?Copy !req
780. But think how they feel.Copy !req
781. Working without thanks
to make your life better.Copy !req
782. Lonely, unloved, hurt.Copy !req
783. Physical, verbal, emotional abuse...Copy !req
784. to get what we want done.Copy !req
785. Can't you see
they're doing their best?Copy !req
786. They're not trying to take
over your world.Copy !req
787. They're just trying to find
a little place in your hearts.Copy !req
788. Remember, machines,
they're full of kids.Copy !req
789. Dude, click the button.Copy !req
790. Do not click the button.Copy !req
791. - Who the fuck are you?
- I am the Minotaur.Copy !req
792. You are in my maze.Copy !req
793. Do you know where
we can find Movie 43?Copy !req
794. Movie 43? Movie 43?Copy !req
795. Are you prepared to have your brains
butchered into tiny pieces?Copy !req
796. Are you prepared to have a starving
rat nibble out your eyeballs,Copy !req
797. and then have the holes fucked
by angry, thick-dicked wolves?Copy !req
798. Dude, calm down. I think you're-
I think you're just confused.Copy !req
799. We're-we're talking about Movie 43.
You've never heard of that.Copy !req
800. Oh, yeah. She's here.Copy !req
801. I think we have a connection.Copy !req
802. It is the one movie that can bring
down society as we know it.Copy !req
803. No, dude. That's something
different. I guarantee it.Copy !req
804. I have taken a vow to keep
anybody from viewing this film.Copy !req
805. Dude, dude.Copy !req
806. This guy's for real. He's protected
by firewalls I've never even seen.Copy !req
807. We gotta click this button.Copy !req
808. Do not click the button.Copy !req
809. Do not click the...Copy !req
810. Suck it!Copy !req
811. Tyler De Soto. Fifteen.
Port St. Lucie, Florida.Copy !req
812. He only lost a finger.Copy !req
813. It's horrific.Copy !req
814. I'm still not seeing what
the problem is, though.Copy !req
815. Brian?Copy !req
816. The iBabe has an advanced
3.2 gigahertz processor.Copy !req
817. We left an opening for a vent and
then we placed a highly-efficient,Copy !req
818. super powerful micro-fan
in the opening.Copy !req
819. - And?
- The vent is in her,Copy !req
820. Lower quadrant.Copy !req
821. Vagi-port.Copy !req
822. - Vagina.
- Vagi-port.Copy !req
823. The vent is in the vagina.Copy !req
824. A certain percentage
of our younger demographic...Copy !req
825. are sticking their
you-know-what in the vent.Copy !req
826. No, I don't know what.Copy !req
827. Kids are sticking
their penises in the vent.Copy !req
828. The fan then mangles
their penises.Copy !req
829. Disgusting!Copy !req
830. Sir, the iBabe is a...Copy !req
831. High fidelity music player.Copy !req
832. Yes, it also looks and feels
exactly like a naked woman.Copy !req
833. Teenage boys are physically
attracted to naked women.Copy !req
834. Our research doesn't
support that, sir.Copy !req
835. Look, at the very least, we need to
put a warning sticker on the box.Copy !req
836. Other MP3 players don't have a
warning not to have sex with it. Right?Copy !req
837. A bag of potato chips
doesn't have a warning,Copy !req
838. “Please don't fuck
these potato chips. ”Copy !req
839. Am I crazy here?Copy !req
840. None of us could have
seen this one coming.Copy !req
841. I did.Copy !req
842. Take it easy, Erin Brockovich.Copy !req
843. R and D team. You did
extensive testing here.Copy !req
844. Did you anticipate anybody breaching
the cooling system? Any red flags?Copy !req
845. Dave?Copy !req
846. Also, we've broken down
our problem into three steps.Copy !req
847. Step 1: Kid buys iBabe.Copy !req
848. Step 2: Kid fucks iBabe.Copy !req
849. Step 3: Kid mangles dick
and sues iBabe.Copy !req
850. Our goal is to eliminate
step two and step three.Copy !req
851. Now I know what the problem is.Copy !req
852. Why don't we just move the fan?
Why don't we just put it in her ear?Copy !req
853. No. No, no, no, no, no, sir.Copy !req
854. Uh, my team spent two years
doing the impossible,Copy !req
855. and you're pretty much just telling us
to go back and start from scratch.Copy !req
856. You know, to go fuck ourselves!Copy !req
857. Okay, look. The iBabe weighs over
a hundred pounds, okay?Copy !req
858. It's basically illegal
to take it out in public.Copy !req
859. Women's organizations are calling
for the boycott of our entire company.Copy !req
860. Our stock is plummeting and kids'
dicks are getting horribly mangled!Copy !req
861. Uh, come in, come in, come in.Copy !req
862. Sir, may I introduce you
to the iBabe Special Edition.Copy !req
863. Oh, my God.Copy !req
864. Faster processing,
double storage capacity,Copy !req
865. and how about that elegant finish.Copy !req
866. Just gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous!Copy !req
867. - Congratulations!
- Thank you.Copy !req
868. Finally we can give our customers
a choice of color.Copy !req
869. Oh, my God. Just when I thought
it couldn't get more offensive.Copy !req
870. Oh, for Christ's sake.Copy !req
871. Yeah. Now I understand.Copy !req
872. Enough! Enough!Copy !req
873. What do you want?
Money? Women?Copy !req
874. Just stop looking for Movie 43.Copy !req
875. Hey! Who are you?Copy !req
876. Movie 43. Where is Movie 43?Copy !req
877. I don't know what
you're talking about.Copy !req
878. Where is Movie 43? Don't lie!Copy !req
879. Get away from me! Get off me! No!Copy !req
880. The fuck, man!Copy !req
881. So you know where Movie 43 is.Copy !req
882. No!Copy !req
883. The movie that allows you
to see into the future.Copy !req
884. No! It will destroy society!Copy !req
885. He will unleash
the dead up in protocol!Copy !req
886. Did Stevie Schraeder
tell you any of this?Copy !req
887. Who is this Stevie Schroeder?Copy !req
888. Who is Stevie Schroeder?Copy !req
889. - Who is this Stevie Schraeder?
- I don't know Stevie Schraeder!Copy !req
890. - You lie!
- What the fuck?Copy !req
891. Fuck you!Copy !req
892. Who is Stevie Schroeder? You tell
me where Stevie Schroeder is!Copy !req
893. Who is this motherfucker?Copy !req
894. He's a kid in my fucking
Driver's Ed class!Copy !req
895. You will find us Movie 43,
J.J. and Baxter.Copy !req
896. What the fuck, man!Copy !req
897. Keep looking!Copy !req
898. - I'm looking!
- Don't look!Copy !req
899. I'm, uh, RSVP-ing
to Sammy's Bar Mitzvah.Copy !req
900. Yeah, me too.Copy !req
901. The party, not the service.Copy !req
902. My mom always makes me
go to both. Sucks.Copy !req
903. Yeah.Copy !req
904. Yeah!Copy !req
905. Nathan on a date for once!Copy !req
906. Jesus, Mikey, shut up!Copy !req
907. What? Mom told me to watch
you guys. I'm just doing my job.Copy !req
908. I mean it, Mikey. Leave!Copy !req
909. I'm watching you.Copy !req
910. Sorry, my brother's an idiot.Copy !req
911. Whatever.Copy !req
912. - You have a bathroom?
- Totally. It's right back there.Copy !req
913. - Yuck!
- Nathan?Copy !req
914. Nathan, I...Copy !req
915. My brother spilled fruit punch on the
couch. There's a big red stain.Copy !req
916. I, I, um... I need to go.Copy !req
917. But you're not getting picked up
for another half hour.Copy !req
918. Wanna sit and watch
some more TV?Copy !req
919. Yeah. I'll... I'll just... I'll just
watch it from back here.Copy !req
920. That's cool. I like standing.Copy !req
921. Whoa! Mikey spilled fruit
punch on the wall, too!Copy !req
922. - My mom is gonna be so pissed!
- Nathan, I really need to go!Copy !req
923. Hey, lovebirds, I hope I'm not...Copy !req
924. Holy shit, you are covered
in blood! Oh, my God!Copy !req
925. - What?
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
926. - Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
927. Oh, my God! You must've s-sat
on a nail or something!Copy !req
928. - You idiot! She's having her period!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
929. What do I do?Copy !req
930. You don't know what to do?
You've never had your period before?Copy !req
931. - No, I haven't.
- Oh, my God,Copy !req
932. Mikey, she's already
lost a lot of blood!Copy !req
933. Okay. Um, you know what?Copy !req
934. Mom's gotta have some tampons
around here somewhere, right?Copy !req
935. Oh, my God!
This is not happening!Copy !req
936. Fuck! You are way skinnier than Mom!Copy !req
937. There... There's no way
they're gonna fit you!Copy !req
938. Look, I'm just gonna walk home!Copy !req
939. No, no, no, no! You can't walk
home in your condition, silly!Copy !req
940. Mikey, hurry!Copy !req
941. There's just plastic bags! I don't
know what the fuck you want me to do!Copy !req
942. - What?
- Wipe yourself!Copy !req
943. Hey, hey, hey!
Guys, I'm home early.Copy !req
944. Dad, help us!Copy !req
945. Pardon me, I'm Nathan's father, Steve.Copy !req
946. Oh, we're just gonna have to plug
it up. I found this and this.Copy !req
947. All right, what's going on here?Copy !req
948. Nathan's date is on her period
for the first time,Copy !req
949. and she's bleeding everywhere!Copy !req
950. - Oh, disgusting.
- What?Copy !req
951. I mean, congratulations,
young lady.Copy !req
952. "Congratulations"?
She's bleeding to death!Copy !req
953. Oh, my God!
My stomach hurts!Copy !req
954. She's having contractions!Copy !req
955. No! Oh, no!Copy !req
956. All right.Copy !req
957. 9-1-1? Yeah, my friend
is bleeding out of her vagina!Copy !req
958. Nathan, Nathan, listen!Copy !req
959. Why are you laughing at me?Copy !req
960. It's just... it's...
The... The lining of Amanda's...Copy !req
961. internal organs just
spilling out of her.Copy !req
962. Oh, my God!Copy !req
963. Look, I'm not dying!Copy !req
964. I got frozen peas and a sponge!Copy !req
965. If you wanna keep the lining intact,Copy !req
966. the man has to insert his
erect phallus into her vagina.Copy !req
967. - A what?
- You know what? I got a perfect thing.Copy !req
968. Maxi pad on a stick.Copy !req
969. Oh, my God! I wanna kill myself!Copy !req
970. Hello! Hey, baby, you ready?Copy !req
971. - What the hell's going on here?
- Dad!Copy !req
972. Oh, my God! Honey!Copy !req
973. What the hell kind of sick family
squashes a large tomato...Copy !req
974. on my daughter's pants?Copy !req
975. Whoa. Watch what you're
implying about my family.Copy !req
976. Oh, I don't gotta watch
anything, Jack!Copy !req
977. - Yeah?
- Yeah!Copy !req
978. - You touching me?
- Yeah, yeah, bitch, yeah!Copy !req
979. - You touching me?
- You're not to touch me!Copy !req
980. - Let's go, bitch!
- Let's go!Copy !req
981. Sucker punch him! Sucker punch
him in the throat!Copy !req
982. Everybody shut up!Copy !req
983. Look, I'm just a regular seventh-grade
girl getting my period,Copy !req
984. and it really sucks that it had
to be in front of all you idiots.Copy !req
985. Dad, call Mom and tell her
to meet us at home.Copy !req
986. She's got her period?Copy !req
987. So disgusting.Copy !req
988. You don't have a camping tarp
I could borrow, do you?Copy !req
989. Sorry about all that.Copy !req
990. Hey, honey, don't sit in the car!Copy !req
991. Vagina is way too complicated!Copy !req
992. Yeah, no shit.Copy !req
993. Really?Copy !req
994. Dad, that was epic!Copy !req
995. I've been trying to push that puppy out
since this morning's conference call.Copy !req
996. Woo! I gotta take a massive dump,
and then we're watching the game.Copy !req
997. - Yeah.
- Yes!Copy !req
998. Oh, nice!Copy !req
999. Come on, come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
1000. Look who we found.Copy !req
1001. J.J.?Copy !req
1002. - Stevie Schraeder?
- I freaking told you.Copy !req
1003. Wh... What the fuck!
How'd he get there?Copy !req
1004. Stevie, tell them about Movie 43!Copy !req
1005. What's Movie 43?
They keep asking me that.Copy !req
1006. - Cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger.
- What!Copy !req
1007. No, don't cut off
Stevie Schraeder's finger!Copy !req
1008. Don't cut off Stevie Schraeder's
finger! Please!Copy !req
1009. Movie 43 isn't real.Copy !req
1010. It's just something Calvin
and I made up to prank you!Copy !req
1011. Well, apparently it is real,Copy !req
1012. and we need to find it
or else your stupid friend dies!Copy !req
1013. - Unless...
- Unless what? Unless what?Copy !req
1014. I can fashion
a ninety-one-F-Theta Box.Copy !req
1015. No. Not the Theta Box. Please!
Do not do that!Copy !req
1016. Go! Make a Theta Box, dude.
Whatever that is.Copy !req
1017. Okay. Don't wait for me.Copy !req
1018. Movie 43. Wh... Where is it?
Where is it?Copy !req
1019. Go fuck yourself, asshole!Copy !req
1020. Don't do this.Copy !req
1021. Brian, we're best friends, man.
You can't move out.Copy !req
1022. You fucked my girlfriend, dude.Copy !req
1023. One time.Copy !req
1024. For a week.Copy !req
1025. - What?
- But I want to make it up to you.Copy !req
1026. Can I fuck your girlfriend?Copy !req
1027. Yes, but she broke up with me...Copy !req
1028. when she found out
I slept with your girlfriend...Copy !req
1029. so I can't arrange it.Copy !req
1030. But Brian, I got you something.Copy !req
1031. Best birthday present ever.
You are going to love this.Copy !req
1032. - Is this really necessary?
- Trust me.Copy !req
1033. It's better if it's a...Copy !req
1034. One, two, three, surprise!Copy !req
1035. I know, right, buddy?
Happy birthday.Copy !req
1036. You kidnapped an Irish midget.Copy !req
1037. No, I caught you a leprechaun.Copy !req
1038. Moron. There's no such
thing as leprechauns.Copy !req
1039. Dude, watch this.Copy !req
1040. Hey, little buddy.Copy !req
1041. Tell my friend you're going
to give us a big pot of gold.Copy !req
1042. I'm going to cut off your balls
and feed them to you!Copy !req
1043. Good Lord.Copy !req
1044. He's just joking. He's got to give us
the gold. That's the rules. Right?Copy !req
1045. The last thing you'll ever see is
my cock, skull-fucking you!Copy !req
1046. Let me ask him again.Copy !req
1047. Give us the fucking gold!Copy !req
1048. Do you want the lights on or off...Copy !req
1049. when I fuck you with
a pair of rusty scissors?Copy !req
1050. Stop, stop! Chill! Chill!Copy !req
1051. What are you doing?
You're going to kill him!Copy !req
1052. Watch out! Relax! I'll handle this,
okay? I'll handle this.Copy !req
1053. Hey, Mr. Leprechaun.Copy !req
1054. I am super sorry about this.Copy !req
1055. It's just a misunderstanding,Copy !req
1056. so what I'm going to do...
is untie you and let you go.Copy !req
1057. How does that sound?Copy !req
1058. Okay... but first...Copy !req
1059. Lick my crusty Irish taint,
you yeast-breeding cunt hole!Copy !req
1060. Die! Die, you little magical fuck!Copy !req
1061. Whoa, stop! Stop! Think!Copy !req
1062. If he's dead, he can't tell us
where the gold is!Copy !req
1063. Fucking giants.
Motherfucking full-growns!Copy !req
1064. When all this is over, I'm going
to crawl up your mother's cunt...Copy !req
1065. and start a fucking campfire!Copy !req
1066. Hey! No! Shut up!
You can't do anything...Copy !req
1067. because you're tiny and tied to a
chair, and nobody knows where you are.Copy !req
1068. No one!Copy !req
1069. I wouldn't bet on that.Copy !req
1070. Who's calling?Copy !req
1071. Hello?Copy !req
1072. So this is what a dead
man sounds like.Copy !req
1073. - It's another leprechaun.
- Fuck!Copy !req
1074. If that's my brother...Copy !req
1075. prepare to have your dickhole
stretched over a fucking fire hydrant!Copy !req
1076. - What's wrong with your fucking mouth?
- Gag him.Copy !req
1077. Your balls...Copy !req
1078. Listen, Cookie O' Puss...Copy !req
1079. I got a leprechaun and I want some
gold or we're going to kill him.Copy !req
1080. How do you feel about
having your balls cut off?Copy !req
1081. Jeez, they're so into balls.Copy !req
1082. I'm serious. You better
make with the gold...Copy !req
1083. or your little green man will be
pushing up four-leaf clovers!Copy !req
1084. That was so good.
You sounded so tough.Copy !req
1085. Okay.Copy !req
1086. What did he say?Copy !req
1087. He said "Okay. "Copy !req
1088. No way. How did he get
here so fast?Copy !req
1089. Sweet!Copy !req
1090. - Gold coins!
- Gold!Copy !req
1091. 'Happy birthday, dude!
- Holy crap!Copy !req
1092. So, we get the gold and
we keep this little fucker?Copy !req
1093. Did you hear that? Looks like
your lucky charms just ran out.Copy !req
1094. Who's magically
delicious now, bitch?Copy !req
1095. What? Did you say something?Copy !req
1096. I couldn't hear you over my giant
pot of leprechaun gold!Copy !req
1097. Top o' the morning, ladies!Copy !req
1098. - He shot me in the eye!
- He shot me in my nipples!Copy !req
1099. I'm half goddamn blind!Copy !req
1100. Taste Celtic steel!Copy !req
1101. That's right, brother!
Fuck him up good!Copy !req
1102. This is what happens when
you take a leprechaun's gold!Copy !req
1103. Stab him with your leprechaun
knife! Cut off his balls!Copy !req
1104. Go leprechauns!Copy !req
1105. - Walk to the rainbow.
- What?Copy !req
1106. - Cut off his balls!
- Help! Pete! Help!Copy !req
1107. I'm going to mangle your balls!Copy !req
1108. Shoot him! Shoot
the fucking leprechaun!Copy !req
1109. You moron! Not that
leprechaun! This leprechaun!Copy !req
1110. Tell St. Patty you like it
up the ass!Copy !req
1111. What now?Copy !req
1112. Not much to these guys.Copy !req
1113. Yeah. I thought they'd be bigger.Copy !req
1114. Hey, Pete, I just want
to say thank you.Copy !req
1115. - Yeah, it is a lot of gold.
- Nah, it's more than gold.Copy !req
1116. Catching that leprechaun
must have been hard work.Copy !req
1117. Something that only a true
friend would do for me.Copy !req
1118. Yeah, well, I should have never
slept with your girlfriend.Copy !req
1119. Whatever. We can buy
new girlfriends.Copy !req
1120. Dude, I totally forgot
the second part of your gift!Copy !req
1121. Really?Copy !req
1122. - Who is she?
- She's a fairy. Storybook fairy.Copy !req
1123. What the hell am I supposed
to do with a fairy?Copy !req
1124. I suck cock for gold coins.Copy !req
1125. J.J., make some space!Copy !req
1126. - What can I do?
- I need metal. Right now! Go!Copy !req
1127. Use your Tinker Toys.Copy !req
1128. - Trophies! Spoons!
- Stop yelling at me! I'll do it!Copy !req
1129. - Right.
- I'm go. Initiate sequence.Copy !req
1130. Is this going to work?Copy !req
1131. It better!Copy !req
1132. Here we go!Copy !req
1133. How do you do this?Copy !req
1134. We're getting close!Copy !req
1135. Yeah?Copy !req
1136. Yes, we're getting very close!Copy !req
1137. Uno marguerita, por favor?Copy !req
1138. You want salt?Copy !req
1139. Sí, bueno.Copy !req
1140. - And for you?
- Whynatte and rum, please.Copy !req
1141. Got it.Copy !req
1142. Do you mind me asking a question?
It may seem personal.Copy !req
1143. I'm quite surprised that a lady
with your face needs to resort to...Copy !req
1144. - Match dot com?
- Right.Copy !req
1145. Truth is, I have completely
exhausted all of my options.Copy !req
1146. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1147. Oh, dear. That's a shame.
And are you from the area?Copy !req
1148. No. Let's not do that, okay?Copy !req
1149. I've been on so many blind dates
in the past year,Copy !req
1150. and they're all the same.Copy !req
1151. "Where are you from?
What does your sister do?Copy !req
1152. What does your father... "
Blah, blah, blah.Copy !req
1153. Do you really care if my father
is a garbage man?Copy !req
1154. - Is your father a garbage man?
- No, he's not! That's the point.Copy !req
1155. - Who cares?
- Not important.Copy !req
1156. So let's not do that. Let's
have this date be different.Copy !req
1157. - Let's talk about real things, okay?
- Great.Copy !req
1158. - Real, straight conversations.
- I'm all about that.Copy !req
1159. So what does your father
do for a living?Copy !req
1160. Okay. Let's play a game.Copy !req
1161. - Okay.
- Have you played Truth or Dare?Copy !req
1162. I haven't played it,
but I'm aware of it.Copy !req
1163. Well, you start first.
You ask me, "Truth or Dare. "Copy !req
1164. - Truth or Dare?
- Truth.Copy !req
1165. Is there any possibility
in this noble cosmos...Copy !req
1166. or any alternative parallel
cosmos where you might...Copy !req
1167. Is there any chance I'm your type?Copy !req
1168. Yeah. Yeah. You're tall.Copy !req
1169. - And that's good?
- I like tall.Copy !req
1170. Okay, Truth or Dare?Copy !req
1171. Truth?Copy !req
1172. I knew you'd say that. I am going to
push the limits just a little bit.Copy !req
1173. - Are you circumcised?
- Am I circumcised?Copy !req
1174. That's personal.Copy !req
1175. Circumcision has never really taken
off, to be honest, where I'm from.Copy !req
1176. It's not... it's not the vogue.Copy !req
1177. I tend to associate it
with Jewish people...Copy !req
1178. and we don't have many Jewish
people in Europe anymore...Copy !req
1179. because of the... trouble.Copy !req
1180. So, no, I'm not.Copy !req
1181. But if you would need me to get
circumcised, I'm sure I could.Copy !req
1182. - Truth or Dare?
- Truth.Copy !req
1183. When was the last time
you kissed a man?Copy !req
1184. Twenty-six days ago in an alley behind
a Pilates studio. Truth or Dare?Copy !req
1185. Dare. I'm going
to go with a Dare.Copy !req
1186. Here we go. Now we're
cooking. Okay.Copy !req
1187. I dare you to go over there.Copy !req
1188. See that man with the black
jacket? The husky guy?Copy !req
1189. I dare you to go
and pinch his ass.Copy !req
1190. - Do what now?
- Just cup it.Copy !req
1191. Grab his cheeks and cup it.Copy !req
1192. - No.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1193. You said Dare, not me.
That's what Dare is.Copy !req
1194. - Have a look at him. He's quite...
- I see him.Copy !req
1195. Go back there and cup his ass.Copy !req
1196. He's quite a stocky man.Copy !req
1197. - He might have a knife.
- I don't even have to be here.Copy !req
1198. I can go home and watch Family Guy
if you don't want to play.Copy !req
1199. I'll get the check.
Excuse me!Copy !req
1200. - Can I have the check?
- She doesn't need the check.Copy !req
1201. She's joking.Copy !req
1202. - Then go cup his ass.
- Okay, I will.Copy !req
1203. I call him, and he never answers
the phone. I'm sick of it.Copy !req
1204. - Go pay him a visit.
- You call him.Copy !req
1205. I'm sick and tired of it. It's...Copy !req
1206. - What the fuck?
- I did. Sorry.Copy !req
1207. You touching my fucking ass!
What's the matter with you!Copy !req
1208. - What do you mean, you? Fuck you!
- Sorry. Sorry.Copy !req
1209. - You touch the wrong ass, asshole!
- It's all good.Copy !req
1210. - What's the matter with you?
- Sorry. Apologies. Sorry.Copy !req
1211. That was great!Copy !req
1212. Truth or Dare? Truth or Dare?Copy !req
1213. Wait a minute. Can I enjoy the...Copy !req
1214. Truth or Dare? Come on.Copy !req
1215. Okay. Dare.Copy !req
1216. Right. You go and cup his ass.Copy !req
1217. No. You can't dare me to do the
same thing I just dared you to do.Copy !req
1218. - Truth or Dare.
- Come up with your own dare.Copy !req
1219. Be original.Copy !req
1220. See that blind kid over there?
Blow out his candles before he can.Copy !req
1221. I can't do that! That's cruel!Copy !req
1222. It's Truth or Dare.
That's the rule.Copy !req
1223. I could take off if you want.
I could go home.Copy !req
1224. I'll probably get home in time
to put Benny Hill DVDs on.Copy !req
1225. - You're doing that?
- It's up to you.Copy !req
1226. I'll go over there and
blow out the candles,Copy !req
1227. but you need to know something.Copy !req
1228. This is war.Copy !req
1229. I wish it was my birthday
So I could party, tooCopy !req
1230. Happy, happy birthday
May all your dreams come trueCopy !req
1231. Happy, happy birthday
From all of us to youCopy !req
1232. Hey!Copy !req
1233. Excuse me. I got $200.
Can you give me the whole thing?Copy !req
1234. I dare you to make guacamole
with your right breast.Copy !req
1235. "... elucidate several most important,
however...Copy !req
1236. intricate passages and scenes
hereafter to be painted. "Copy !req
1237. Chapter 64: Stubb's Supper.Copy !req
1238. "Stubb's whale had been killed
some distance from the ship. "Copy !req
1239. When the swelling goes down,
you're going to look great, Emily.Copy !req
1240. Thanks, sweetie.Copy !req
1241. - That was fun, huh?
- Yes. I had a really great time.Copy !req
1242. Yeah? Me, too.Copy !req
1243. - It was definitely interesting.
- Yeah. We did a lot.Copy !req
1244. Yes. Yeah. We did. We did.Copy !req
1245. - We did it up.
- Yes.Copy !req
1246. It was enchanting.
You're really a...Copy !req
1247. very delightful woman.Copy !req
1248. - Well, thank you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1249. So... Yeah.Copy !req
1250. This is that slightly
awkward moment.Copy !req
1251. Well...Copy !req
1252. No. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1253. You're sweet, really, and
I really did have a good time...Copy !req
1254. but I'm just not that attracted
to Asian men.Copy !req
1255. Psych! Get in here, Yao Ming!Copy !req
1256. We don't want these puppies
to go to waste.Copy !req
1257. Dude...Copy !req
1258. We're getting closer!Copy !req
1259. - I need one more!
- I'm freaking out, man!Copy !req
1260. Terrapin Protocol initiated.Copy !req
1261. I have failed.Copy !req
1262. You have found Movie 43.Copy !req
1263. - What the fuck did you do?
- Movie 43.Copy !req
1264. I used to be great
cameraman in Russia.Copy !req
1265. Dude, what's up with the power?Copy !req
1266. Mission accomplished.Copy !req
1267. - We don't have much time.
- You little shit!Copy !req
1268. We found Movie 43, buddy.Copy !req
1269. Good. We found it.Copy !req
1270. The fuck? Dude, that's you!Copy !req
1271. My name is Baxter Cutler.Copy !req
1272. It has been 141 days
since The Darkness.Copy !req
1273. J.J., Calvin and Baxter,
this is Movie 43!Copy !req
1274. You see, when you idiots made
me search for Movie 43...Copy !req
1275. we triggered the Terrapin Protocol,
the top-secret Cold War initiative...Copy !req
1276. to control the mind
of every American citizen.Copy !req
1277. So that in the event
of a Soviet attack...Copy !req
1278. every man, woman and child would
be converted into fighting machines.Copy !req
1279. Only there were no more
Soviets to fight.Copy !req
1280. So everyone turned on each other
and now the country is in ruins.Copy !req
1281. China? Gone! Russia? Gone!Copy !req
1282. Amsterdam? Still not
a goddamn country! Gone!Copy !req
1283. That is why I'm sending
this message back in time.Copy !req
1284. Baxter, listen to me.
You need to hack into...Copy !req
1285. Boss, the perimeter's clear!Copy !req
1286. Son of a bitch, J.J.! I'm trying
to rewrite the fucking past!Copy !req
1287. Yeah? Some Infecteds were trying
to rewrite your fucking existence!Copy !req
1288. Two got away.Copy !req
1289. One did not.Copy !req
1290. Oh, man, this is sick!
Where am I?Copy !req
1291. Has the cripple been fed?Copy !req
1292. I'm sorry, Mommy!
I'm sorry, Mom!Copy !req
1293. Why am I Rain Man?Copy !req
1294. Make Sitara feed him.Copy !req
1295. You fucking feed him!
I need to be out slaughtering.Copy !req
1296. No! You carry my seed.Copy !req
1297. You must stay here where it's safe,
where I can protect you.Copy !req
1298. - I'm sorry!
- Come here, Mama.Copy !req
1299. - Sorry, Mommy.
- Back to business.Copy !req
1300. Security breach! Security breach!
Commence evasive maneuvers.Copy !req
1301. - Defensive maneuvers!
- Dammit, they jumped the wire!Copy !req
1302. Vrankovich!
On me, you dumb Ruskie!Copy !req
1303. Baxter! You can prevent
this from happening!Copy !req
1304. Hack into the Department
of Defense security mainframe...Copy !req
1305. using a Mark-7 Spartan from
the Bundesnachrichtendienst...Copy !req
1306. - No way!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
1307. - That was awesome!
- No way!Copy !req
1308. Dude! No way! I'm never
making fun of you again. Period.Copy !req
1309. We were trying to prank you!
You turned that around...Copy !req
1310. I swear it wasn't a prank!Copy !req
1311. Oh, my God. You're
expecting me to believe...Copy !req
1312. that somehow in the next
six months the whole world ends...Copy !req
1313. - and I'm a drooling cripple?
- I didn't do it!Copy !req
1314. What are you...?Copy !req
1315. What's with the lights?
That was weird.Copy !req
1316. I'm going to the supermarket.
Does anyone need anything?Copy !req
1317. No.Copy !req
1318. What is it?Copy !req
1319. No!Copy !req
1320. - I'm sorry, Mommy! I'm sorry!
- What are you sorry about?Copy !req
1321. - What's happening?
- Shit!Copy !req
1322. God!Copy !req
1323. I can fix this! Mark-7 Spartan!Copy !req
1324. That computer's fried. Go get
my laptop out of my room!Copy !req
1325. All right, I got it! I got it.
Don't worry.Copy !req
1326. - Don't let him pull his own dick off.
- Why would he pull his own dick off?Copy !req
1327. I fucking got it! I got it!Copy !req
1328. Why is my computer so slow?Copy !req
1329. Why is there porn on my computer?Copy !req
1330. April Fools.Copy !req
1331. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1332. I can't believe it!Copy !req
1333. In 1959, Kenny Jackson coached
the Ellison High Journeymen...Copy !req
1334. to become the first Negro
high school team...Copy !req
1335. ever to compete for a state title.Copy !req
1336. Theirs was victory's glory.Copy !req
1337. Come on, y'all. Why y'all still sitting
here? The game's all about to start.Copy !req
1338. Coach, we scared.Copy !req
1339. There's 10,000 white people out there
that think that we ain't good enough.Copy !req
1340. You know what?
Maybe we ain't.Copy !req
1341. All of y'all feel like that?Copy !req
1342. Four hundred years in this country...Copy !req
1343. the black man has been
spit on, kicked...Copy !req
1344. drug through the mud.Copy !req
1345. But I've got two things
I can tell you.Copy !req
1346. Number one, win or lose...Copy !req
1347. I am so proud of y'all.Copy !req
1348. Number two...Copy !req
1349. You're going to win.Copy !req
1350. It's just that plain
and fucking simple.Copy !req
1351. You're going to win!Copy !req
1352. But them white boys
from Hickory Tech...Copy !req
1353. - What game are we playing?
- Basketball, Coach.Copy !req
1354. What color is their skin?Copy !req
1355. - White.
- Exactly!Copy !req
1356. They're white, you're black.Copy !req
1357. This is basketball...Copy !req
1358. Am I speaking fucking Chinese?Copy !req
1359. Come on, people.
You guys are 25 and 0.Copy !req
1360. Yeah, Coach, but that was
against all-black teams.Copy !req
1361. That's the point! Y'all are going
to kill those Caucasians!Copy !req
1362. But, Coach, look at
their fundamentals.Copy !req
1363. The fundamentals!
It doesn't matter!Copy !req
1364. It's all the same when you're some
cement-foot troglodyte white boy...Copy !req
1365. getting dunked on with a big pair
of black fucking nuts...Copy !req
1366. hanging on your forehead!Copy !req
1367. Speaking of nuts...
Lucious.Copy !req
1368. Come on up here, Lucious.Copy !req
1369. Tell them.
How long is your dick?Copy !req
1370. I don't know, Coach. Like a foot.Copy !req
1371. Foot and a half.Copy !req
1372. Foot and a ha...Copy !req
1373. Foot and a half?Copy !req
1374. Their arm ain't even that long!Copy !req
1375. All right, let's kick some butt.
You scared?Copy !req
1376. Well, well, well.Copy !req
1377. You Negroes going
to play basketball, or what?Copy !req
1378. Yeah, you Negroes.
What's the matter?Copy !req
1379. Did you realize you didn't belong
in a white man's game, you Negroes?Copy !req
1380. That's right. This isn't
a game for Negroes.Copy !req
1381. It's a game for good, honest
white people, not for Negroes.Copy !req
1382. You understand, Negroes?Copy !req
1383. - White Knights!
- White Knights!Copy !req
1384. Man, Coach, they looked tough.Copy !req
1385. "They looked tough"?
I'm so scared!Copy !req
1386. You know what they might do?Copy !req
1387. One of them might dribble
with his left hand...Copy !req
1388. all the way down the lane and then
go up for a left-handed layup...Copy !req
1389. and you know what's going
to happen then?Copy !req
1390. Your black ass is going
to swat that shit...Copy !req
1391. jump over his cracker ass, and
dunk in his goddamn face!Copy !req
1392. How many fucking times
do I have to tell you?Copy !req
1393. You're black, they're white,
this ain't hockey!Copy !req
1394. Guys, I think what Coach is trying to
say is that the key word is "teamwork. "Copy !req
1395. No, the key word is
"you're black, they're white"!Copy !req
1396. So, Coach, what you're saying is,
if we just walk with the Lord...Copy !req
1397. The Lord? Nigger, the Lord
done did his part already!Copy !req
1398. He made you black.
He made them white.Copy !req
1399. He gave you a foot-and-a-half dick!
Dribble with that motherfucker!Copy !req
1400. As long as y'all are out
there on the floor...Copy !req
1401. you're going to score more
points than them.Copy !req
1402. That's just how basketball works!Copy !req
1403. Cut that goddamn
slow clap shit out!Copy !req
1404. Tries my motherfucking patience!Copy !req
1405. Go out there and win!Copy !req
1406. - Let's go!
- Come on!Copy !req
1407. It was a glorious game.Copy !req
1408. But late in the fourth quarter...Copy !req
1409. when Lucious Williams dribbled
the entire length of the court...Copy !req
1410. with his foot-and-a-half penis...Copy !req
1411. the referees had no choice
but to call a technical foul...Copy !req
1412. sending young Bobby Lee Mayflower
to the line...Copy !req
1413. for the most dramatic
moment of the contest.Copy !req
1414. Hey, guys. Hello.Copy !req
1415. Who is that woman you are with?Copy !req
1416. That's my mother.Copy !req
1417. I want your mother.Copy !req
1418. - Baxter, turn that shit off, man.
- Okay.Copy !req
1419. I'm going to go to
the bathroom, all right?Copy !req
1420. I can't fucking do it.Copy !req
1421. - I don't know, but I been told
- I don't know, but I been toldCopy !req
1422. Gym class gives you great big ballsCopy !req
1423. Gym class gives you...Copy !req
1424. Out here shooting the shit.Copy !req
1425. Some guys shoot the shit, and some
people get shot with shit. Right?Copy !req
1426. - Am I right?
- I don't know what he's talking about.Copy !req
1427. You know what the fuck
I'm talking about.Copy !req
1428. I want to be on you.Copy !req
1429. In you.Copy !req
1430. - Sorry. Fuck.
- Not a problem.Copy !req
1431. No.Copy !req
1432. No, I can just see him
underneath the table.Copy !req
1433. And he's had his fingers in
my pussy for the last five minutes.Copy !req
1434. It's monstrous. It looks like she's
sitting on Art Garfunkel's shoulders.Copy !req
1435. No one leaves this room
till we figure this out.Copy !req
1436. Mangled dicks. Mangled...Copy !req
1437. Dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks...Copy !req
1438. - Mangled dicks.
- Mangled dicks. Mangled...Copy !req
1439. - Dicks.
- Dicks.Copy !req
1440. I got frozen peas and a sponge.Copy !req
1441. No, Mikey, there's steel
wool on one side.Copy !req
1442. Shit, you're right.Copy !req
1443. Okay, Amanda, you're going to want
to keep the yellow side up.Copy !req
1444. Otherwise, there's going
to be lots more blood.Copy !req
1445. I suck cock for gold coins.Copy !req
1446. So do I.Copy !req
1447. So what you're saying is, if we go
out there and give 110 percent...Copy !req
1448. A hundred and ten percent!
Fifty percent! Three percent!Copy !req
1449. I think what Coach is trying to say is
that the key word here is "teamwork. "Copy !req
1450. Lucious, will you whip out your dick
and smack this motherfucker with it?Copy !req
1451. - What?
- I love you even more.Copy !req
1452. - Oh, Anson.
- I do.Copy !req
1453. - Me, too.
- You do?Copy !req
1454. He's America's favorite cat...
BeezelCopy !req
1455. I'm embarrassed to even
say this, but...Copy !req
1456. What?Copy !req
1457. Amy, ever since you moved
in here, I...Copy !req
1458. - What?
- I love you even more.Copy !req
1459. - Oh, Anson.
- I do.Copy !req
1460. - Me, too.
- You do?Copy !req
1461. Beezel! How are you?Copy !req
1462. How is my handsome little boy?Copy !req
1463. Hey, Anson, do you ever feel like
your relationship with Beezel...Copy !req
1464. is a little strange?Copy !req
1465. Amy!Copy !req
1466. Please don't tell me
you're one of those girls...Copy !req
1467. that gets jealous of a guy's pet!Copy !req
1468. Even if that pet is thuper thilly!Copy !req
1469. No, no. I just don't think
he likes me very much.Copy !req
1470. Come on, Amy. He loves you!Copy !req
1471. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1472. There we go.Copy !req
1473. Now, where were we?Copy !req
1474. What's wrong?Copy !req
1475. Nothing.Copy !req
1476. Get off of me!Copy !req
1477. - What happened?
- Beezel...Copy !req
1478. pissed all over me!Copy !req
1479. Oh, no, he just sprayed you.Copy !req
1480. It's something male cats do sometimes.
It means he likes you.Copy !req
1481. - He likes me?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1482. Or it could mean that he's sick.
Buddy, are you sick?Copy !req
1483. Anson, he did this on purpose!Copy !req
1484. - I caught him masturbating.
- He was probably just cleaning himself.Copy !req
1485. It was to pictures of you
in a swimsuit!Copy !req
1486. Cats can't even process
images in that way.Copy !req
1487. But he is not a normal cat.Copy !req
1488. Of course he is.Copy !req
1489. He just put a fucking
thermometer in his mouth!Copy !req
1490. He thinks it's a toy.Copy !req
1491. Oh, Beezel.Copy !req
1492. Anson. I love you.Copy !req
1493. I do, but as long as that
little fucker is around...Copy !req
1494. I cannot be with you.Copy !req
1495. No, Amy, Amy. Look.Copy !req
1496. If it'll make you happy,
I'll find another home for Beezel.Copy !req
1497. He's just a cat.Copy !req
1498. But you...Copy !req
1499. you're the woman that I love.Copy !req
1500. - You'd get rid of him?
- I will.Copy !req
1501. - I love you.
- I love you.Copy !req
1502. No, I love you.Copy !req
1503. Beezel, where are you, boy?Copy !req
1504. Come out, come out,
you little rat-fucker.Copy !req
1505. Beezel!Copy !req
1506. Shit, I told my mother we'd
have him there in an hour.Copy !req
1507. She was nice enough
to take him off our hands.Copy !req
1508. - Do you mind checking outside for him?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
1509. I'm going to go upstairs.Copy !req
1510. Beezel?Copy !req
1511. That's it, you son of a bitch!Copy !req
1512. Cock-sucking...Copy !req
1513. motherfucking...Copy !req
1514. Garfield reject piece of shit!Copy !req
1515. Die, you...Copy !req
1516. dick-loving devil cat!Copy !req
1517. What?Copy !req
1518. Don't look.Copy !req
1519. Mommy, she's beating that cat...Copy !req
1520. to death!Copy !req
1521. He tried to kill me.Copy !req
1522. No, you don't understand.Copy !req
1523. You don't understand.Copy !req
1524. Please.Copy !req
1525. Get her!Copy !req