1. Whoa, there!
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2. Halt!
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3. Who goes there?
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4. It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon,
from the castle of Camelot.
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5. King of the Britons,
defeater of the Saxons.
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6. Sovereign of all England!
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7. Pull the other one.
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8. I am, and this is
my trusty servant, Patsy.
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9. We have ridden the length
of the land in search of knights
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10. who will join me in
my court at Camelot.
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11. I must speak with
your lord and master.
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12. - What? Ridden on a horse?
- Yes.
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13. - You're using coconuts!
- What?
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14. You've got two empty halves of coconut,
and you're banging them together.
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15. So? We have ridden since the snows
of winter covered this land.
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16. - Through the Kingdom of Mercia.
- Where did you get the coconuts?
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17. We found them.
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18. Found them? In Mercia?
The coconut is tropical.
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19. - What do you mean?
- Well, this is a temperate zone.
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20. The swallow may fly south with the sun,
or the house martin or the plover
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21. may seek warmer climes in winter,
yet these are not strangers to our land.
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22. - Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
- Not at all. They could be carried.
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23. - What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
- It could grip it by the husk.
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24. It's not a question of where he grips it!
It's a simple question of weight ratio.
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25. A five-ounce bird could not
carry a one-pound coconut.
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26. It doesn't matter. Go tell your master
that Arthur from Camelot is here.
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27. In order to maintain air-speed velocity,
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28. a swallow needs to beat its wings
43 times every second, right?
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29. - Please!
- Am I right?
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30. - I'm not interested.
- It could be carried by an African swallow.
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31. Oh, yes! An African swallow, maybe.
Not a European swallow. That's my point.
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32. I agree with that.
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33. Will you ask your master if he
wants to join my court at Camelot?
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34. But then, of course,
African swallows are non-migratory.
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35. - Oh, yes.
- They couldn't bring a coconut, anyway.
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36. Wait a minute! Supposing two
swallows carried it together?
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37. - No, they'd have to have it on a line.
- Simple. They'd use a strand of creeper.
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38. - Held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
- Why not?
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39. Bring out your dead!
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40. Ninepence.
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41. - Bring out your dead.
- Here's one.
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42. Ninepence.
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43. - I'm not dead!
- What?
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44. - Nothing. Here's your ninepence.
- I'm not dead!
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45. - He says he's not dead.
- Yes, he is.
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46. - I'm not!
- He isn't?
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47. - He will be soon. He's very ill.
- I'm getting better!
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48. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
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49. I can't take him like that.
It's against regulations.
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50. - I don't want to go on the cart.
- Don't be such a baby.
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51. - I can't take him.
- I feel fine.
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52. - Well, do us a favor.
- I can't.
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53. Can you hang around a few minutes?
He won't be long.
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54. Got to go to the Robinsons'.
They've lost nine today.
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55. - When's your next round?
- Thursday.
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56. - I think I'll go for a walk.
- You're not fooling anyone, you know.
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57. - Isn't there something you can do?
- I feel happy.
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58. - Thanks very much.
- Not at all. See you on Thursday.
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59. Right.
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60. - Who's that, then?
- I don't know. Must be a king.
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61. - Why?
- He hasn't got shit all over him.
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62. - Old woman!
- Man!
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63. Man. Sorry. What knight lives
in that castle over there?
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64. - I'm 37.
- What?
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65. - I'm 37. I'm not old.
- I can't just call you "man".
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66. - You could say "Dennis".
- I didn't know you were called Dennis.
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67. You didn't bother to find out.
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68. I did say sorry about the
"old woman", but from behind...
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69. What I object to is that
you treat me like an inferior.
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70. - Well, I am king.
- King? Very nice.
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71. How did you get that?
By exploiting the workers!
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72. By hanging on to outdated
imperialist dogma which perpetuates
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73. the economic and social
differences in our society!
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74. - If there's ever going to be any progress...
- There's some lovely filth down here.
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75. How do you do?
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76. How do you do, good lady?
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
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77. - Whose castle is that?
- King of the who?
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78. - The Britons.
- Who are the Britons?
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79. We all are. We're all Britons.
And I am your king.
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80. Didn't know we had a king. I thought
we were an autonomous collective.
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81. You're fooling yourself.
We're living in a dictatorship.
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82. A self-perpetuating autocracy
in which the working class...
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83. There you go.
Bringing class into it again.
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84. - That's what it's all about. If only people...
- Please, good people. I am in haste.
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85. Who lives in that castle?
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86. - No one lives there.
- Who is your lord?
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87. - We don't have a lord.
- What?
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88. I told you. We're an
anarcho-syndicalist commune.
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89. We take turns to act as a sort
of executive officer for the week.
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90. - Yes.
- But all the decisions of that officer
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91. - are ratified at a biweekly meeting.
- Yes, I see.
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92. - By a majority in the case of internal affairs.
- Be quiet!
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93. - By a two-thirds majority in the case of...
- Be quiet! I order you to be quiet.
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94. "Order". Who does he think he is?
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95. - I am your king!
- I didn't vote for you.
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96. - You don't vote for kings.
- How did you become king then?
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97. The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad
in the purest shimmering samite,
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98. held aloft Excalibur
from the bosom of the water,
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99. signifying, by divine providence,
that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.
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100. That is why I'm your king!
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101. Listen. Strange women lying in ponds,
distributing swords, is no basis
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102. for a system of government.
Supreme executive power
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103. derives from a mandate from the masses.
Not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
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104. Be quiet!
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105. You can't expect to wield
supreme executive power
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106. 'cause some watery tart
threw a sword at you.
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107. - Shut up!
- If I went around saying I was an emperor
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108. because some moistened bint had lobbed
a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
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109. - Will you shut up?
- See the violence inherent in the system.
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110. - Shut up!
- See the violence inherent in the system!
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111. - Help, I'm being repressed!
- Bloody peasant!
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112. What a giveaway. Did you hear that?
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113. That's what I'm on about.
Did you see him repressing me?
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114. You fight with the strength
of many men, Sir Knight.
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115. I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
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116. I seek the finest and bravest knights
in the land to join me in Camelot.
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117. You have proved yourself worthy.
Will you join me?
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118. You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.
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119. None shall pass.
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120. - What?
- None shall pass.
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121. I have no quarrel with you, good
Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.
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122. Then you shall die.
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123. I command you, as King of the Britons,
to stand aside.
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124. I move for no man.
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125. So be it!
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126. Now, stand aside, worthy adversary.
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127. - 'Tis but a scratch.
- "A scratch"? Your arm's off.
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128. - No, it isn't.
- Well, what's that, then?
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129. - I've had worse.
- You liar.
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130. Come on, you pansy!
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131. Victory is mine.
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132. We thank thee, Lord, that in thy...
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133. - Come on, then.
- What?
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134. Have at you.
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135. You are brave, Sir Knight,
but the fight is mine.
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136. Had enough, eh?
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137. Look, you stupid bastard.
You've got no arms left.
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138. - Yes, I have.
- Look!
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139. Just a flesh wound.
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140. - Look, stop that.
- Chicken!
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141. I'll have your leg. Right!
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142. - Right! I'll do you for that.
- You'll what?
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143. - Come here.
- What are you going to do? Bleed on me?
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144. - I am invincible!
- You're a loony.
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145. The Black Knight always triumphs.
Have at you!
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146. Come on, then.
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147. All right, we'll call it a draw.
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148. - Come, Patsy.
- Oh, I see.
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149. Running away? You yellow bastard!
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150. Come back here and take what's coming
to you! I'll bite your legs off!
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151. Pie Jesu Domine
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152. Dona eis requiem
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153. Pie Jesu Domine
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154. Dona eis requiem
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155. - A witch!
- We found a witch.
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156. - We got a witch!
- We found a witch.
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157. We've got a witch.
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158. Burn her!
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159. - We have found a witch. May we burn her?
- Burn her!
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160. - How do you know she is a witch?
- She looks like one.
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161. Bring her forward.
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162. - I am not a witch.
- But you are dressed as one.
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163. - They dressed me up like this.
- We didn't!
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164. And this isn't my nose.
It's a false one.
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165. - Well?
- Well, we did do the nose.
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166. - The nose?
- And the hat. But she is a witch.
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167. Burn her!
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168. - Did you dress her up like this?
- No. Yes.
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169. Yes, a bit. She has got a wart.
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170. - What makes you think she is a witch?
- Well, she turned me into a newt.
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171. A newt?
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172. I got better.
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173. - Burn her anyway.
- Burn her!
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174. Quiet! There are ways of telling
whether she is a witch.
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175. - Are there? What are they? Tell us.
- Do they hurt?
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176. Tell me, what do you do with witches?
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177. Burn them!
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178. - What do you burn apart from witches?
- More witches!
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179. - Wood.
- So, why do witches burn?
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180. - 'Cause they're made of wood?
- Good.
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181. So, how do we tell
whether she is made of wood?
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182. - Build a bridge out of her.
- Can you not also make bridges of stone?
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183. Oh, yeah.
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184. Does wood sink in water?
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185. - No.
- It floats.
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186. Throw her into the pond!
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187. - What also floats in water?
- Bread.
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188. - Apples.
- Very small rocks.
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189. - Cider. Cherries.
- Gravy. Mud.
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190. - Churches.
- Lead.
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191. A duck!
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192. Exactly.
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193. So, logically...
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194. If she
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195. weighs the same as a duck...
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196. She's made of wood.
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197. And, therefore...
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198. - A witch!
- A witch!
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199. We shall use my largest scales.
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200. Right. Remove the supports!
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201. - A witch!
- A witch!
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202. - It's a fair cop.
- Burn her!
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203. Who are you, who are so wise
in the ways of science?
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204. - I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
- My liege.
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205. Good Sir Knight, will you come to Camelot,
and join us at the Round Table?
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206. My liege, I would be honored.
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207. - What is your name?
- Bedevere, my liege.
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208. Then I dub you Sir Bedevere,
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209. knight of the Round Table.
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210. The wise Sir Bedevere was the first
to join King Arthur's knights.
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211. But other illustrious names
were soon to follow.
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212. Sir Lancelot the Brave.
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213. Sir Galahad the Pure.
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214. And Sir Robin,
the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot,
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215. who had nearly fought
the Dragon of Angnor,
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216. who had nearly stood up
to the vicious Chicken of Bristol,
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217. and who had personally wet himself
at the Battle of Badon Hill.
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218. And the aptly named
Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film.
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219. Together they formed a band
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220. whose names and deeds were to be
retold throughout the centuries.
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221. The Knights of the Round Table.
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222. That, my liege, is how we know
the Earth to be banana-shaped.
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223. This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere!
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224. Explain again how sheep's bladders
may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
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225. - Certainly, sir.
- Look, my liege.
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226. - Camelot.
- Camelot.
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227. - Camelot.
- It's only a model.
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228. Knights, I bid you welcome
to your new home.
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229. Let us ride to Camelot!
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230. We're knights of the Round Table
We dance whene'er we're able
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231. We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable
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232. We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot
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233. We're knights of the Round Table
Our shows are formidable
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234. But many times
We're given rhymes
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235. That are quite unsingable
We're opera mad in Camelot
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236. We sing from the diaphragm a lot
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237. In war we're tough and able
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238. Quite indefatigable
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239. Between our quests
We sequin vests
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240. And impersonate Clark Gable
It's a busy life in Camelot
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241. I have to push the pram a lot
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242. No, on second thoughts, let's not
go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
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243. Right.
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244. Arthur.
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245. King of the Britons.
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246. Don't grovel. If there's one thing
I can't stand, it's people groveling.
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247. - Sorry.
- And don't apologize.
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248. Every time I talk to someone it's
"sorry this" and "forgive me that"
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249. and "I'm not worthy."
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250. - What are you doing now?
- I'm averting my eyes, O Lord.
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251. Don't. It's like those miserable psalms.
They're so depressing.
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252. - Now, knock it off.
- Yes, Lord.
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253. Right. Arthur, King of the Britons.
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254. Your knights of the Round Table
shall have a task
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255. to make them an example
in these dark times.
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256. - Good idea, O Lord!
- Course it's a good idea.
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257. Behold, Arthur, this is the Holy Grail.
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258. Look well, Arthur, for it is
your sacred task to seek this grail.
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259. That is your purpose, Arthur.
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260. The quest for the Holy Grail.
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261. - A blessing from the Lord.
- God be praised!
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262. Halt!
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263. Hello!
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264. Hello. Who is it?
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265. It is King Arthur, and these are
my knights of the Round Table.
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266. Whose castle is this?
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267. This is the castle of my master,
Guy de Loimbard.
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268. Go and tell your master that
we have been charged by God
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269. with a sacred quest. If he will give us
food and shelter for the night,
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270. he can join us in our quest
for the Holy Grail.
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271. Well, I'll ask him,
but I don't think he'll be very keen.
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272. He's already got one, you see.
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273. - What?
- He says they've already got one!
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274. - Are you sure he's got one?
- Oh, yes. It's very nice.
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275. I told him we've already got one.
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276. - Can we come up and have a look?
- Of course not! You are English-types.
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277. - Well, what are you then?
- I'm French.
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278. Why do you think I have
this outrageous accent, you silly king?
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279. - What are you doing in England?
- Mind your own business.
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280. If you will not show us the Grail,
we shall take your castle by force.
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281. You don't frighten us,
English pig-dogs!
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282. Go and boil your bottoms,
sons of a silly person.
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283. I blow my nose at you,
so-called Arthur King.
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284. You and all your silly English knights.
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285. - What a strange person.
- Now look here, my good man...
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286. I don't want to talk to you no more,
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287. you empty-headed,
animal food-trough wiper.
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288. I fart in your general direction.
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289. Your mother was a hamster,
and your father smelt of elderberries.
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290. Is there someone else up there
we could talk to?
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291. No. Now go away,
or I shall taunt you a second time.
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292. Now, this is your last chance.
I've been more than reasonable...
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293. - Fetchez la vache!
- Quoi?
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294. Fetchez la vache!
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295. If you do not agree to my commands,
then I shall...
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296. Jesus Christ!
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297. Crikey!
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298. Right! Charge!
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299. Run away! Run away!
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300. - Fiends! I'll tear them apart.
- No, no.
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301. Sir, I have a plan, sir.
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302. - Un cadeau.
- What?
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303. - A present.
- Un cadeau.
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304. Oui, allons-y. Let's go.
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305. What happens now?
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306. Well, now, Lancelot, Galahad,
and I wait until nightfall,
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307. and then leap out of the rabbit,
taking the French by surprise.
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308. Not only by surprise,
but totally unarmed!
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309. Who leaps out?
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310. Lancelot, Galahad, and I
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311. leap out of the rabbit.
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312. Look. If we built this large,
wooden badger...
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313. Run away!
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314. - History for Schools. Take 8.
- Action!
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315. Defeat at the castle seems to have
utterly disheartened King Arthur.
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316. The ferocity of the French taunting
took him completely by surprise.
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317. Arthur became convinced
that a new strategy was required
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318. if the quest for the Holy Grail were
to be brought to a successful conclusion.
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319. Arthur, having consulted
his closest knights
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320. decided that they should separate,
and search for the Grail individually.
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321. Now, this is what they did...
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322. Frank!
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323. So, each of the knights
went their separate ways.
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324. Sir Robin rode north,
through the dark forest of Ewing,
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325. accompanied by his favorite minstrels.
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326. Bravely bold Sir Robin
Rode forth from Camelot
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327. He was not afraid to die
O, Brave Sir Robin
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328. He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways
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329. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin
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330. He was not in the least bit scared
To be mashed into a pulp
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331. Or to have his eyes gouged out
And his elbows broken
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332. To have his kneecaps split
And his body burned away
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333. And his limbs all hacked and mangled
Brave Sir Robin
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334. His head smashed in
And his heart cut out
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335. His liver removed
And his bowels unplugged
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336. His nostrils raped, his bottom burned off
And his penis...
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337. That's enough music for now, lads.
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338. Looks like there's dirty work afoot.
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339. Anarcho-syndicalism
is a way of preserving freedom.
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340. Dennis, forget about freedom.
Don't drop that mud.
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341. Halt! Who art thou?
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342. He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin...
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343. Shut up!
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344. Nobody, really.
I was just passing through.
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345. What do you want?
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346. To fight and...
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347. Shut up!
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348. Nothing. Nothing, really.
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349. - Just to pass through, good Sir Knight.
- I'm afraid not.
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350. - Actually, I am a knight of the Round Table.
- You're a knight of the Round Table?
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351. I am.
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352. - In that case, I have to kill you.
- Shall I?
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353. - I don't think so.
- What do I think?
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354. - Kill him.
- Let's be nice to him.
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355. - Shut up.
- But...
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356. And you!
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357. Get the sword out.
I want to cut his head off!
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358. - Cut your own head off.
- Yes, do us all a favor.
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359. - What?
- Yapping on all the time.
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360. - You're lucky you're not next to him.
- What do you mean?
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361. - You snore.
- I don't.
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362. - You've got bad breath.
- Only because you don't brush my teeth.
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363. Stop bitching, and let's go and have tea!
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364. All right! We'll kill him first,
and then have tea and biscuits.
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365. - Yes.
- Not biscuits.
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366. All right! Not biscuits.
But let's kill him anyway.
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367. Right.
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368. - He's buggered off!
- So he has! He's scarpered.
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369. Brave Sir Robin ran away
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370. No!
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371. Bravely ran away, away
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372. I didn't.
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373. When danger reared its ugly head
He bravely turned his tail and fled
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374. Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out
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375. Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat
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376. Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin
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377. I never!
Copy !req
378. Pie Jesu Domine
Copy !req
379. Dona eis requiem
Copy !req
380. Open the door.
Copy !req
381. In the name of King Arthur,
open the door!
Copy !req
382. Hello!
Copy !req
383. Welcome, gentle Sir Knight.
Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.
Copy !req
384. - The Castle Anthrax?
- Yes.
Copy !req
385. It's not a very good name, is it?
Copy !req
386. But we are nice, and we will attend
to your every, every need!
Copy !req
387. You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?
Copy !req
388. - The what?
- The Grail. It is here?
Copy !req
389. But you are tired,
and you must rest awhile.
Copy !req
390. Midget! Crapper!
Copy !req
391. - Yes, O Zoot?
- Prepare a bed for our guest.
Copy !req
392. - Thank you, Zoot.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
393. Away, away, varletesses!
Copy !req
394. The beds here are warm and soft,
and very, very big.
Copy !req
395. - Look, I...
- What is your name, handsome knight?
Copy !req
396. Sir Galahad the Chaste.
Copy !req
397. Mine is Zoot. Just Zoot.
Copy !req
398. - But come.
- Please, in God's name, show me the Grail.
Copy !req
399. You have suffered much.
You are delirious.
Copy !req
400. - Look, I have seen it. It is here.
- Sir Galahad!
Copy !req
401. You would not be so ungallant
as to refuse our hospitality.
Copy !req
402. I'm afraid our life must seem very
dull and quiet, compared to yours.
Copy !req
403. We're eight score blondes and brunettes,
all between 16 and 19 and a half,
Copy !req
404. cut off in this castle,
with no one to protect us.
Copy !req
405. It is a lonely life.
Copy !req
406. Bathing, dressing, undressing,
making exciting underwear.
Copy !req
407. We are just not used to handsome knights.
Copy !req
408. Nay. Come. You may lie here.
Copy !req
409. - But you are wounded!
- No, it's nothing!
Copy !req
410. You must see the doctors immediately.
Please, lie down.
Copy !req
411. - Well, what seems to be the trouble?
- They're doctors?
Copy !req
412. They have a basic medical training.
Copy !req
413. Come, come, you must try to rest.
Copy !req
414. Dr. Piglet! Dr. Winston!
Practice your art.
Copy !req
415. - Try to relax.
- Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?
Copy !req
416. We must examine you.
Copy !req
417. - There's nothing wrong with that.
- Please. We are doctors.
Copy !req
418. Look, this cannot be.
Copy !req
419. - I am sworn to chastity!
- Back to your bed!
Copy !req
420. Torment me no longer.
I have seen the Grail!
Copy !req
421. - There's no Grail here.
- I have seen it.
Copy !req
422. - I have seen...
- Hello.
Copy !req
423. Hello.
Copy !req
424. - Zoot!
- I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.
Copy !req
425. - Where are you going?
- I seek the Grail.
Copy !req
426. I have seen it here in this castle!
Copy !req
427. Oh, no. Bad, bad Zoot!
Copy !req
428. - What is it?
- Wicked, bad, naughty Zoot!
Copy !req
429. She has been setting light to our beacon,
which is Grail-shaped.
Copy !req
430. It's not the first time
we've had this problem.
Copy !req
431. It's not the real Grail?
Copy !req
432. Wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot.
Copy !req
433. She is a bad person,
and must pay the penalty.
Copy !req
434. Do you think this scene
should have been cut?
Copy !req
435. We were so worried
when the boys were writing it.
Copy !req
436. But now we're glad. It's better
than some previous scenes, I think.
Copy !req
437. Ours was better visually.
Copy !req
438. Ours was committed.
It wasn't a string of pussy jokes.
Copy !req
439. - Get on with it.
- Yes. Get on with it!
Copy !req
440. Get on with it!
Copy !req
441. - I am enjoying this scene.
- Get on with it!
Copy !req
442. Wicked, wicked Zoot!
Copy !req
443. She must pay the penalty.
Copy !req
444. In Castle Anthrax, we have one punishment
for setting alight the Grail-shaped beacon.
Copy !req
445. You must tie her down on a bed,
and spank her.
Copy !req
446. A spanking! A spanking!
Copy !req
447. You must spank her, and after you've
spanked her, deal with her as you like.
Copy !req
448. - And, then, spank me.
- And me!
Copy !req
449. - And me.
- And me.
Copy !req
450. Yes. You must give us all a good spanking!
Copy !req
451. A spanking!
Copy !req
452. - And, after the spanking, the oral sex.
- The oral sex!
Copy !req
453. Well, I could stay a bit longer.
Copy !req
454. - Sir Galahad!
- Hello.
Copy !req
455. - Quick! You are in great peril.
- Why?
Copy !req
456. - No, he isn't!
- Silence, foul temptress!
Copy !req
457. - She's got a point.
- We'll cover your escape!
Copy !req
458. - Look, I'm fine!
- Wait, Sir Galahad!
Copy !req
459. - I can tackle this lot single-handed!
- Yes, let him tackle us single-handed!
Copy !req
460. No, Sir Galahad. Come!
Copy !req
461. Honestly, I can handle this lot easily!
Copy !req
462. - Yes, let him handle us easily.
- Go! Quick!
Copy !req
463. Wait! Please! I can defeat them!
There's only 150 of them!
Copy !req
464. He'll beat us easily.
We haven't a chance.
Copy !req
465. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
466. - You were in great peril.
- I don't think I was.
Copy !req
467. You were in terrible peril.
Copy !req
468. - Let me go back, and face the peril.
- No, it's too perilous.
Copy !req
469. It's my duty to sample
as much peril as I can.
Copy !req
470. We've got to find the Holy Grail.
Copy !req
471. - Let me have just a bit of peril?
- No. It's unhealthy.
Copy !req
472. - I bet you're gay.
- No, I'm not.
Copy !req
473. Sir Lancelot had saved Sir Galahad
from almost certain temptation.
Copy !req
474. But, they were still no nearer the Grail.
Copy !req
475. King Arthur and Sir Bedevere,
not more than a swallow's flight away,
Copy !req
476. had discovered something.
Copy !req
477. That's an unladen
swallow's flight, obviously.
Copy !req
478. They were more than
two laden swallow's flights away.
Copy !req
479. Four, with a coconut
on a line between them.
Copy !req
480. If the birds were...
Copy !req
481. Get on with it!
Copy !req
482. Oh, anyway,
Copy !req
483. on to scene 24, which is a smashing scene,
with some lovely acting,
Copy !req
484. in which Arthur discovers a vital clue.
Copy !req
485. There aren't any swallows,
but I think you can hear a...
Copy !req
486. And this enchanter of whom you speak,
he has seen the Grail?
Copy !req
487. Where does he live?
Copy !req
488. Old man, where does he live?
Copy !req
489. He knows of a cave.
A cave which no man has entered.
Copy !req
490. - And the Grail. The Grail is there?
- There is much danger.
Copy !req
491. For beyond the cave
lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril,
Copy !req
492. which no man has ever crossed.
Copy !req
493. But the Grail. Where is the Grail?
Copy !req
494. Seek you the Bridge of Death.
Copy !req
495. The Bridge of Death?
Which leads to the Grail?
Copy !req
496. - Who are you?
- We are the knights who say "Ni"!
Copy !req
497. - No! Not the knights who say "Ni"?
- The same!
Copy !req
498. - Who are they?
- We are the keepers of the sacred words.
Copy !req
499. "Ni", "Peng" and "Neee Wom"!
Copy !req
500. Those who hear them
seldom live to tell the tale.
Copy !req
501. The knights who say "Ni"
demand a sacrifice.
Copy !req
502. Knights of Ni,
we are but simple travelers
Copy !req
503. who seek the enchanter
who lives beyond these woods.
Copy !req
504. Ni! Ni!
Copy !req
505. We shall say "Ni" again to you,
if you do not appease us.
Copy !req
506. - What is it you want?
- We want
Copy !req
507. a shrubbery.
Copy !req
508. A what?
Copy !req
509. - Ni! Ni!
- Please! No more!
Copy !req
510. - We will find you a shrubbery.
- You must return with a shrubbery,
Copy !req
511. or else you will never pass
through this wood
Copy !req
512. alive.
Copy !req
513. Knights of Ni, you are just and fair.
Copy !req
514. - We will return with a shrubbery.
- One that looks nice.
Copy !req
515. - Of course.
- And not too expensive.
Copy !req
516. - Yes.
- Now go!
Copy !req
517. Stop that! Stop that!
Copy !req
518. Go on, clear off! Go away.
Copy !req
519. And you, clear off!
Copy !req
520. Bloody weather.
Copy !req
521. The tale of Sir Lancelot.
Copy !req
522. One day, lad, all this will be yours.
Copy !req
523. - What, the curtains?
- No, not the curtains.
Copy !req
524. All that you can see,
stretched out over the hills and valleys.
Copy !req
525. That'll be your kingdom, lad.
Copy !req
526. - But, Mother.
- Father, lad.
Copy !req
527. - But, Father, I don't want any of that.
- Listen, lad.
Copy !req
528. I built this kingdom up from nothing!
When I started here, it was a swamp.
Copy !req
529. Other kings said I was daft
to build a castle on the swamp.
Copy !req
530. But I built it all the same to show them.
Copy !req
531. It sank into the swamp.
Copy !req
532. So, I built a second one.
That sank into the swamp.
Copy !req
533. So, I built a third one. That burned down,
fell over, then sank in the swamp.
Copy !req
534. But the fourth one stayed up.
Copy !req
535. And that's what you'll get, lad.
Copy !req
536. - The strongest castle in these isles.
- But I don't want any of that.
Copy !req
537. - I'd rather...
- Rather what?
Copy !req
538. I'd rather just
Copy !req
539. - sing.
- Stop that.
Copy !req
540. You're not going into a song
while I'm here!
Copy !req
541. In 20 minutes, you're marrying a girl
Copy !req
542. whose father owns the biggest
tracts of open land in Britain.
Copy !req
543. - But I don't want land.
- Listen, Alice.
Copy !req
544. - Herbert.
- Herbert.
Copy !req
545. We live on a bloody swamp,
we need all the land we can get.
Copy !req
546. - But I don't like her.
- Don't like her?
Copy !req
547. What's wrong with her?
Copy !req
548. She's beautiful, she's rich.
She's got huge
Copy !req
549. tracts of land.
Copy !req
550. I know, but I want the girl
that I marry to have
Copy !req
551. a certain special something.
Copy !req
552. Cut that out!
Copy !req
553. You're marrying Princess Lucky,
so you'd better get used to the idea!
Copy !req
554. Guards!
Copy !req
555. Make sure the Prince doesn't
leave the room until I get him.
Copy !req
556. Not to leave the room,
even if you come and get him.
Copy !req
557. No. Until I come and get him.
Copy !req
558. Until you come and get him,
we're not to enter the room.
Copy !req
559. No, you stay in the room
and make sure he doesn't leave.
Copy !req
560. - And you'll come and get him.
- Right.
Copy !req
561. We don't need to do anything,
apart from stop him entering the room.
Copy !req
562. - No. Leaving the room.
- Leaving the room, yes.
Copy !req
563. - All right?
- Right. If...
Copy !req
564. - If we're...
- Yes?
Copy !req
565. Look, it's quite simple.
Copy !req
566. You stay here and make sure
he doesn't leave the room.
Copy !req
567. - All right?
- I remember.
Copy !req
568. Can he leave the room with us?
Copy !req
569. No, you just keep him in here,
and make sure...
Copy !req
570. Yes! We'll keep him in here, obviously.
Copy !req
571. - But if he had to leave...
- No. Keep him in here!
Copy !req
572. - Until you, or anyone...
- Not anyone, just me!
Copy !req
573. - Just you...
- Get back.
Copy !req
574. - Right?
- Right.
Copy !req
575. We'll stay here until you get back.
Copy !req
576. - And make sure he doesn't leave.
- What?
Copy !req
577. - Make sure he doesn't leave.
- The Prince?
Copy !req
578. - Yes, make sure he doesn't leave.
- Yes, of course!
Copy !req
579. I thought you meant him!
Copy !req
580. It seemed a bit daft me having
to guard him when he's a guard.
Copy !req
581. - Is that clear?
- Quite clear. No problems.
Copy !req
582. Right.
Copy !req
583. - Where are you going?
- We're coming with you.
Copy !req
584. No, I want you to stay here,
and make sure he doesn't leave.
Copy !req
585. I see, right.
Copy !req
586. - But, Father...
- Shut it, and get that suit on.
Copy !req
587. And no singing!
Copy !req
588. Go and get a glass of water!
Copy !req
589. - Well taken, Concorde!
- Thank you, sir, most kind.
Copy !req
590. And again!
Copy !req
591. Over we go! Good, steady!
Copy !req
592. Now, the big one!
Copy !req
593. Come on, Concorde!
Copy !req
594. Message for you, sir.
Copy !req
595. Concorde, speak to me!
Copy !req
596. "To whoever finds this note.
Copy !req
597. "I have been imprisoned by my father,
Copy !req
598. "who wishes me to marry against my will.
Copy !req
599. "Please, please come and rescue me.
Copy !req
600. "I am in the tall tower of Swamp Castle."
Copy !req
601. At last! A call! A cry of distress!
Copy !req
602. This could be the sign
that leads us to the Holy Grail!
Copy !req
603. Brave Concorde,
you shall not have died in vain!
Copy !req
604. I'm not quite dead, sir.
Copy !req
605. You shall not have been
mortally wounded in vain!
Copy !req
606. I think I could pull through, sir.
Copy !req
607. - I see.
- I think I'm all right to come with you.
Copy !req
608. No, sweet Concorde! Stay here.
Copy !req
609. I will send help as soon as
I have accomplished a daring and
Copy !req
610. heroic rescue in my own particular...
Copy !req
611. - Idiom, sir?
- Idiom!
Copy !req
612. - No, I feel fine, actually, sir.
- Farewell, sweet Concorde!
Copy !req
613. I'll just stay here, shall I, sir?
Copy !req
614. Yeah.
Copy !req
615. - Morning.
- Morning.
Copy !req
616. Hey!
Copy !req
617. You're not allowed to enter the room...
Copy !req
618. Fair one, behold your humble servant,
Sir Lancelot of Camelot.
Copy !req
619. - I have come to take... I'm terribly sorry.
- You got my note!
Copy !req
620. - I got a note.
- You've come to rescue me?
Copy !req
621. - Well, no, you see...
- I knew someone would.
Copy !req
622. I knew that somewhere out there,
there must be someone...
Copy !req
623. Stop that! Stop it!
Copy !req
624. Who are you?
Copy !req
625. - I'm your son.
- No, not you.
Copy !req
626. - I'm Sir Lancelot, sir.
- He's come to rescue me, Father.
Copy !req
627. - Let's not jump to conclusions.
- Did you kill all those guards?
Copy !req
628. Yes. Sorry.
Copy !req
629. - They cost 50 pounds each.
- I'm awfully sorry.
Copy !req
630. Don't be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot.
I've got a rope ready.
Copy !req
631. You killed eight wedding guests and all!
Copy !req
632. Well, you see,
I thought your son was a lady.
Copy !req
633. I can understand that.
Copy !req
634. - Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry!
- Shut up!
Copy !req
635. - You only killed the bride's father!
- I didn't mean to.
Copy !req
636. Didn't mean to?
You put your sword through his head!
Copy !req
637. - Oh dear, is he all right?
- You kicked the bride in the chest!
Copy !req
638. - It's going to cost me a fortune!
- I can explain.
Copy !req
639. I was in the forest, riding north
from Camelot, when I got this note.
Copy !req
640. - Are you from Camelot?
- Hurry, Sir Lancelot!
Copy !req
641. I'm a knight of King Arthur, sir.
Copy !req
642. Very nice castle, Camelot.
Very good pig country.
Copy !req
643. - Is it?
- I am ready!
Copy !req
644. - Would you like to come have a drink?
- That's awfully nice of you.
Copy !req
645. - I am ready!
- I mean, to be so understanding.
Copy !req
646. You see, when I'm in this idiom,
I sometimes get a bit carried away.
Copy !req
647. Now, this is the main hall.
We'll have all this knocked through...
Copy !req
648. - There he is!
- Bloody hell.
Copy !req
649. - Hold it, please!
- See what I mean? I get carried away.
Copy !req
650. I'm really most awfully sorry.
Sorry, everyone.
Copy !req
651. He's killed the best man!
Copy !req
652. Hold it, please, hold it!
This is Sir Lancelot
Copy !req
653. from the Court of Camelot,
a brave and influential knight.
Copy !req
654. - And my special guest here today.
- Hello.
Copy !req
655. He killed my auntie!
Copy !req
656. No, please! This is supposed
to be a happy occasion!
Copy !req
657. Let's not bicker and argue
about who killed who.
Copy !req
658. We are here today to witness
the union of two young people
Copy !req
659. in the joyful bond of holy wedlock.
Copy !req
660. Unfortunately, one of them,
my son Herbert,
Copy !req
661. has just fallen to his death.
Copy !req
662. But I don't want to think
I've lost a son, so much as
Copy !req
663. gained a daughter.
Copy !req
664. For, since the tragic
death of her father...
Copy !req
665. He's not quite dead!
Copy !req
666. Since the near fatal
wounding of her father...
Copy !req
667. He's getting better!
Copy !req
668. For, since her own father
Copy !req
669. who, when he seemed about to recover,
Copy !req
670. suddenly felt the icy
hand of death upon him.
Copy !req
671. He's died!
Copy !req
672. I want his only daughter
to look upon me
Copy !req
673. as her own dad, in a very real,
and legally binding sense.
Copy !req
674. And I feel sure that the merger,
the union between the Princess
Copy !req
675. and the brave but dangerous
Sir Lancelot of Camelot...
Copy !req
676. - What?
- Look, the dead Prince!
Copy !req
677. - He's not quite dead!
- I feel much better!
Copy !req
678. You fell out of the tall tower, you creep!
Copy !req
679. - No, I was saved at the last minute.
- How?
Copy !req
680. I'll tell you.
Copy !req
681. Not like that! Not like that.
Copy !req
682. He's going to tell
He's going to tell
Copy !req
683. Quickly, sir, come this way!
Copy !req
684. No, it's not right for my idiom.
I must escape more...
Copy !req
685. - Dramatically, sir?
- Dramatically.
Copy !req
686. Excuse me, could somebody
give me a push, please?
Copy !req
687. Old crone!
Copy !req
688. Is there anywhere in this town
where we could buy a shrubbery?
Copy !req
689. - Who sent you?
- The knights who say "Ni"!
Copy !req
690. No! We have no shrubberies here.
Copy !req
691. If you do not tell us where we
can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I
Copy !req
692. will say...
Copy !req
693. We will say "Ni".
Copy !req
694. Do your worst!
Copy !req
695. Very well. If you will not
assist us voluntarily...
Copy !req
696. - Ni!
- No!
Copy !req
697. Never. No shrubberies.
Copy !req
698. - Ni!
- Noo!
Copy !req
699. No, it's not that, it's "Ni".
Copy !req
700. No, you're not doing it properly.
Copy !req
701. - Ni!
- You've got it.
Copy !req
702. - Ni!
- Ni!
Copy !req
703. Are you saying "Ni" to that old woman?
Copy !req
704. Yes.
Copy !req
705. What sad times are these when passing
ruffians can say "Ni" at will to old ladies.
Copy !req
706. There is a pestilence upon this land.
Nothing is sacred.
Copy !req
707. Even those who arrange shrubberies
are under considerable economic stress
Copy !req
708. at this period in history.
Copy !req
709. - Did you say "shrubberies"?
- Yes.
Copy !req
710. Shrubberies are my trade.
I am a shrubber.
Copy !req
711. My name is Roger the Shrubber.
I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
Copy !req
712. - Ni!
- No!
Copy !req
713. Knights of Ni,
we have brought you your shrubbery.
Copy !req
714. - May we go?
- It is a good shrubbery.
Copy !req
715. I like the laurels particularly.
But there is one small problem.
Copy !req
716. What is that?
Copy !req
717. We are now no longer
the knights who say "Ni".
Copy !req
718. We are now the knights who say,
Copy !req
719. "Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing"!
Copy !req
720. Therefore, we must give you a test.
Copy !req
721. What is this test,
knights who until recently said "Ni"?
Copy !req
722. Firstly, you must find
Copy !req
723. another shrubbery!
Copy !req
724. Not another shrubbery!
Copy !req
725. Then you must bring it here
beside this shrubbery.
Copy !req
726. Higher, so you get the two-level effect
with a path going down the middle.
Copy !req
727. A path! A path!
Copy !req
728. Then, when you have found
the shrubberies,
Copy !req
729. you must cut down
the mightiest tree in the forest
Copy !req
730. with a herring!
Copy !req
731. - We shall do no such thing.
- Please.
Copy !req
732. Cut down a tree with a herring?
It can't be done.
Copy !req
733. - Don't say that word.
- What word?
Copy !req
734. I cannot tell. Suffice to say,
Copy !req
735. it's one of the words
the knights of Ni cannot hear.
Copy !req
736. How can we not say the word
if you don't tell us what it is?
Copy !req
737. - He did it again.
- What? "Is"?
Copy !req
738. No, not "is"! You wouldn't get
very far in life not saying "is".
Copy !req
739. My liege, it's Robin.
Copy !req
740. He's jacking it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering off
Copy !req
741. And chickening out and pissing a pot
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge
Copy !req
742. - Robin.
- My liege.
Copy !req
743. - It's good to see you.
- Now he's said the word!
Copy !req
744. You haven't given up your quest
for the Holy Grail?
Copy !req
745. He is sneaking away and...
Copy !req
746. Shut up!
Copy !req
747. - No, far from it.
- You said the word again.
Copy !req
748. I was looking for it here in this forest.
Copy !req
749. - No, it is far from this place.
- Stop saying the word!
Copy !req
750. - The word we cannot hear!
- Stop it!
Copy !req
751. - He said "it" again!
- That's it!
Copy !req
752. I've said "it". I've said "it".
I've said "it" again!
Copy !req
753. That's three "its"!
Copy !req
754. And so Arthur and Bedevere and
Sir Robin set out on their search to find
Copy !req
755. the enchanter of whom
the old man had spoken in scene 24.
Copy !req
756. Beyond the forest
they met Lancelot and Galahad,
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757. and there was much rejoicing.
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758. In the frozen land of Nador,
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759. they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels.
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760. And there was much rejoicing.
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761. A year passed.
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762. Winter changed into spring.
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763. Spring changed into summer.
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764. Summer changed back into winter,
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765. and winter gave spring and summer
a miss and went straight on into autumn.
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766. Until one day.
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767. Knights,
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768. forward!
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769. What manner of man are you
that can summon up fire
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770. - without flint or tinder?
- I am an enchanter.
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771. - By what name are you known?
- There are some who call me...
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772. - Tim.
- Greetings, Tim the enchanter!
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773. Greetings, King Arthur.
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774. - You know my name?
- I do.
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775. You seek the Holy Grail.
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776. That is our quest.
You know much that is hidden, Tim.
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777. Quite!
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778. Yes, we are looking for the Holy Grail.
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779. - Our quest is to find the Holy Grail.
- Yes, it is.
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780. - And so we're looking for it.
- Yes, we are.
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781. - We have been for some time.
- Ages.
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782. So, anything you could do
to help would be
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783. very
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784. - helpful.
- Look, can you tell us where...
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785. Fine, I don't want to waste
any more of your time,
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786. but I don't suppose you could
tell us where we might find a...
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787. A what?
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788. A grail?
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789. Yes, I think so.
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790. Yes.
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791. Yes!
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792. - Thank you.
- Splendid!
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793. Look, you're a busy man...
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794. Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail.
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795. To the north, there lies a cave.
The Cave of Caerbannog.
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796. Wherein, carved in mystic runes,
upon the very living rock,
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797. the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged
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798. make plain the last resting place
of the most Holy Grail.
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799. - Where could we find this cave, Tim?
- Follow!
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800. But follow only if ye be men of valor.
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801. For the entrance to this cave
is guarded by a creature
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802. so foul, so cruel,
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803. that no man yet has fought
with it and lived.
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804. Bones of full 50 men lie strewn
about its lair.
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805. So, brave knights,
if you do doubt your courage
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806. or your strength, come no further,
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807. for death awaits you all
with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
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808. What an eccentric performance!
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809. They're nervous, sire.
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810. Then we'd best leave them here
and carry on, on foot.
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811. Dismount!
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812. Behold the Cave of Caerbannog!
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813. - Right, keep me covered.
- What with?
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814. - Just keep me covered.
- Too late.
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815. There he is!
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816. - Where?
- There.
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817. - What, behind the rabbit?
- It is the rabbit.
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818. - You silly sod!
- What?
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819. You got us all worked up.
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820. That's no ordinary rabbit.
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821. That's the most foul, cruel and
bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.
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822. You tit! I soiled my armor
I was so scared!
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823. Look, that rabbit's got
a vicious streak a mile wide.
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824. - It's a killer!
- Get stuffed.
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825. - He'll do you up a treat, mate!
- Yeah?
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826. - You manky Scots git!
- I'm warning you.
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827. - What's he do? Nibble your bum?
- He's got huge, sharp...
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828. It can leap about...
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829. - Look at the bones!
- Go on, Bors, chop its head off.
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830. Right. Silly little bleeder.
One rabbit stew coming right up.
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831. Look!
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832. - Jesus Christ!
- I warned you!
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833. - I've done it again.
- I warned you.
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834. But did you listen to me?
No, you knew it all, didn't you?
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835. It's just a harmless little bunny,
isn't it? Well, it's always the same.
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836. - I always...
- Shut up!
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837. Charge!
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838. Run away!
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839. - How many did we lose?
- Gawain.
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840. - Ector.
- And Bors. That's five.
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841. - Three.
- Three.
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842. We better not risk another frontal assault,
that rabbit's dynamite.
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843. Would it help to confuse it
if we run away more?
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844. - Shut up and change your armor.
- Let us taunt it.
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845. It may become so cross
that it will make a mistake.
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846. Like what?
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847. Well...
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848. - Have we got bows?
- No.
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849. - We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
- Yes, of course!
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850. The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
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851. It's one of the sacred relics
Brother Maynard carries.
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852. Brother Maynard!
Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade.
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853. How does it...
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854. How does it work?
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855. - I know not, my liege.
- Consult the Book of Armaments.
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856. Armaments 2:9-21.
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857. "And St. Attila raised the
hand grenade up on high, saying,
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858. " 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade,
that with it thou mayest
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859. " 'blow thine enemies
to tiny bits, in thy mercy.'
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860. "And the Lord did grin
and the people did feast upon
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861. "the lambs and sloths and carp
and anchovies and orangutans
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862. "and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and..."
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863. Skip a bit, Brother.
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864. "The Lord spake, saying,
'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin,
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865. " 'then shalt thou count to three,
no more, no less.
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866. " 'Three shalt be the number
thou shalt count,
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867. " 'and the number
of the counting shalt be three.
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868. " 'Four shalt thou not count,
neither count thou two,
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869. " 'excepting that thou then proceed to three.
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870. " 'Five is right out.
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871. " 'Once the number three,
being the third number be reached,
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872. " 'then lobbest thou
thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
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873. " 'towards thy foe,
who, being naughty in my sight,
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874. " 'shall snuff it.' "
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875. Amen.
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876. Right.
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877. One, two, five!
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878. - Three, sir!
- Three!
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879. There! Look!
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880. - What does it say?
- What language is that?
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881. Brother Maynard, you're our scholar.
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882. It is Aramaic!
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883. Of course. Joseph of Arimathea!
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884. - Of course.
- What does it say?
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885. It reads, "Here may be found
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886. "the last words of Joseph of Arimathea.
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887. " 'He who is valiant and pure of spirit
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888. " 'may find the Holy Grail
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889. " 'in the Castle of Aaargh.' "
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890. What?
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891. "The Castle of Aaargh."
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892. What is that?
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893. He must have died while carving it.
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894. - Come on!
- That's what it says.
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895. Look, if he was dying,
he wouldn't bother to carve "Aaargh".
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896. - He'd just say it.
- That's what's carved in the rock.
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897. - Perhaps he was dictating it.
- Shut up!
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898. - Does it say anything else?
- No!
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899. Just "Aaargh".
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900. Aaargh.
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901. Do you suppose he meant the Camargue?
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902. - Where's that?
- In France, I think.
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903. - Isn't there a St. Aaargh's in Cornwall?
- No, that's St. Ives.
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904. St. Ives.
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905. No, "Aaargh". At the back of the throat.
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906. No, "Ooh," in surprise and alarm!
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907. - You mean a sort of an "Ah!"
- Yes, that's right.
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908. My God!
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909. It's the legendary Black Beast of...
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910. That's it! Run away!
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911. Keep running.
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912. We've lost him.
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913. As the horrendous Black Beast
lunged forward,
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914. escape for Arthur
and his knights seemed hopeless.
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915. When, suddenly, the animator
suffered a fatal heart attack.
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916. The cartoon peril was no more.
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917. The quest for the
Holy Grail could continue.
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918. There it is!
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919. - The Bridge of Death.
- Great.
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920. Look! There's the old man from Scene 24.
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921. - What's he doing here?
- He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death.
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922. He asks each traveler five questions.
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923. - Three questions.
- Three questions.
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924. - He who answers the five questions...
- Three questions.
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925. - ... three questions, may cross in safety.
- What if you get a question wrong?
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926. Then you are cast
into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
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927. - Oh, wacko.
- Who's going to answer the questions?
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928. Brave Sir Robin, you go.
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929. I've got a great idea.
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930. Why doesn't Lancelot go?
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931. Yes, let me go, my liege.
I will take him single-handed.
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932. - I shall make a feint to the northeast...
- Hang on!
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933. - Just answer the five questions...
- Three questions.
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934. three questions, as best you can.
And we shall watch and pray.
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935. I understand, my liege.
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936. Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot.
God be with you.
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937. Stop!
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938. Who would cross the Bridge of Death,
must answer me these questions three.
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939. Ere the other side he see.
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940. Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper.
I'm not afraid.
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941. - What is your name?
- My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.
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942. What is your quest?
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943. To seek the Holy Grail.
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944. What is your favorite color?
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945. - Blue.
- Right. Off you go.
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946. Well, thank you very much.
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947. That's easy.
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948. Stop.
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949. Who approacheth the Bridge of Death,
must answer me these questions three.
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950. Ere the other side he see.
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951. Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper.
I'm not afraid.
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952. - What is your name?
- Sir Robin of Camelot.
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953. - What is your quest?
- To seek the Holy Grail.
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954. What is the capital of Assyria?
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955. I don't know that!
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956. Stop!
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957. - What is your name?
- Sir Galahad of Camelot.
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958. - What is your quest?
- I seek the Grail.
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959. - What is your favorite color?
- Blue.
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960. No! Yellow!
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961. Stop!
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962. - What is your name?
- It is Arthur, King of the Britons.
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963. - What is your quest?
- To seek the Holy Grail.
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964. What is the air-speed velocity
of an unladen swallow?
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965. What do you mean?
An African or European swallow?
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966. I don't know that!
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967. How do you know so much about swallows?
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968. You have to know these things
when you're a king.
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969. Lancelot!
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970. The Castle Aaargh.
Our quest is at an end.
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971. God be praised.
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972. Almighty God,
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973. we thank thee, that thou hast
vouchsafed to us the most holy...
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974. Jesus Christ!
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975. Hello, stuffy English knights
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976. and Monsieur Arthur King,
who has the brain of a duck, you know.
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977. So, we French fellows
outwit you a second time.
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978. How dare you profane this place
with your presence?
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979. I command you,
in the name of the knights of Camelot,
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980. to open the doors of this sacred castle,
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981. to which God himself has guided us.
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982. How you English say? One more time,
I unclog my nose in your direction,
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983. sons of a window-dresser!
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984. So, you think you could
out-clever us French folk
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985. with your silly knees-bent,
running about, advancing behavior.
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986. I wave my private parts at your aunties.
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987. You cheesy lot of second-hand,
electric donkey-bottom biters!
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988. In the name of the Lord,
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989. we demand entrance to this sacred castle!
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990. No chance, English bed-wetting types.
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991. I burst my pimples at you, and call your
door-opening request a silly thing!
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992. You tiny-brained wipers
of other people's bottoms.
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993. If you'll not open this door,
we shall take this castle by force!
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994. In the name of God and the glory of our...
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995. Right! That settles it!
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996. Depart at this time,
and don't be approaching any more,
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997. or we fire arrows into your heads,
and make castanets out of your testicles.
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998. Walk away, just ignore them.
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999. And now remain gone,
illegitimate-faced bugger-folk!
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1000. And, if you think you got a nasty
taunting this time, you ain't heard
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1001. nothing yet, stuffy English knights!
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1002. - We shall attack at once.
- Yes, my liege.
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1003. Stand by for attack!
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1004. French persons!
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1005. Today the blood of many a valiant
knight shall be avenged.
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1006. In the name of God,
we shall not stop our fight
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1007. till each one of you lies dead,
and the Holy Grail
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1008. returns to those whom God has chosen.
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1009. Charge!
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1010. Yes, they're the ones, I'm sure.
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1011. - Come on.
- Put this man in the van.
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1012. - Put him in the van.
- Get a blanket over that one.
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1013. Come on, back! Right back!
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1014. That's an offensive weapon, that is.
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1015. All right, sonny, that's enough.
Pack that in.
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