1. Whoa there!Copy !req
2. Halt!Copy !req
3. Who goes there?Copy !req
4. It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon
from the castle of Camelot.Copy !req
5. King of the Britons!
Defeater of the Saxons!Copy !req
6. Sovereign of all England!Copy !req
7. - Pull the other one.
- I am.Copy !req
8. This is my trusty servant Patsy.Copy !req
9. We have ridden the length
and breadth of the land...Copy !req
10. in search of knights who will join me
in my court at Camelot.Copy !req
11. I must speak with your lord and master.Copy !req
12. - What, ridden on a horse?
- Yes.Copy !req
13. You're using coconuts.Copy !req
14. - What?
- You're banging together two coconuts.Copy !req
15. So? We have ridden since the snows
of winter covered this land.Copy !req
16. Through the kingdom of Mercia...Copy !req
17. - Where'd you get the coconuts?
- We found them.Copy !req
18. In Mercia?
The coconut's tropical.Copy !req
19. - What do you mean?
- This is a temperate zone.Copy !req
20. The swallow may
fly south with the sun...Copy !req
21. or the house martin or the plover
may seek warmer climes in winter...Copy !req
22. yet these are not strangers
to our land.Copy !req
23. Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?Copy !req
24. Not at all.
They could be carried.Copy !req
25. What? A swallow carrying a coconut?Copy !req
26. It could grip it by the husk.Copy !req
27. It's not a question
of where he grips it.Copy !req
28. It's a simple question of weight ratios.Copy !req
29. A five-ounce bird could not carry
a one-pound coconut.Copy !req
30. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
31. Tell your master that Arthur
from the court of Camelot is here.Copy !req
32. In order to maintain
air speed velocity...Copy !req
33. a swallow needs to beat its wings
43 times every second.Copy !req
34. Please!Copy !req
35. - Am I right?
- I'm not interested.Copy !req
36. It could be carried
by an African swallow.Copy !req
37. An African swallow, maybe,
but not a European swallow.Copy !req
38. - That's my point.
- I agree with that.Copy !req
39. Will you ask your master if he wants
to join my court at Camelot?Copy !req
40. But then, of course,
African swallows are nonmigratory.Copy !req
41. So they couldn't bring
a coconut back anyway.Copy !req
42. Wait a minute. Supposing two swallows
carried it together!Copy !req
43. No, they'd have to have it on a line.Copy !req
44. Simple. They just use
a strand of crepon.Copy !req
45. - Held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
- Why not?Copy !req
46. Bring out your dead!Copy !req
47. Bring out your dead!Copy !req
48. Ninepence.Copy !req
49. - Here's one.
- Ninepence.Copy !req
50. - I'm not dead!
- What?Copy !req
51. - Nothing. Here's your ninepence.
- I'm not dead!Copy !req
52. - Here. He says he's not dead.
- Yes, he is.Copy !req
53. - I'm not.
- He isn't?Copy !req
54. - He will be soon. He's ill.
- I'm getting better.Copy !req
55. You'll be stone dead in a moment.Copy !req
56. I can't take him like that.
It's against regulations.Copy !req
57. - I don't want to go on the cart!
- Don't be such a baby.Copy !req
58. - I can't take him.
- I feel fine.Copy !req
59. - Do us a favor.
- I can't.Copy !req
60. Can you hang around?
He won't be long.Copy !req
61. I've got to get to Robinson's.
They've lost nine today.Copy !req
62. - When is your next round?
- Thursday.Copy !req
63. - I think I'll go for a walk.
- You're not fooling anyone.Copy !req
64. - Isn't there something you can do?
- I feel happy!Copy !req
65. - Thanks very much.
- Not at all. See you on Thursday.Copy !req
66. - Who's that?
- I don't know. Must be a king.Copy !req
67. - Why?
- He hasn't got shit all over him.Copy !req
68. - Old woman!
- Man!Copy !req
69. Man. Sorry.
What knight lives in that castle there?Copy !req
70. - I'm 37.
- What?Copy !req
71. I'm 37. I'm not old.Copy !req
72. - I can't just call you "man."
- You could say "Dennis."Copy !req
73. - I didn't know you were called Dennis.
- You didn't bother to find out.Copy !req
74. I said "Sorry" about the old woman,
but from behind, you looked...Copy !req
75. What I object to is that you
automatically treat me like an inferior.Copy !req
76. - I am king.
- Oh, king. Very nice.Copy !req
77. And how'd you get that?
By exploiting the workers.Copy !req
78. By hanging on to
outdated imperialist dogma...Copy !req
79. which perpetuates the economic
and social differences in our society.Copy !req
80. - If there's ever going to be progress...
- There's lovely filth down here.Copy !req
81. - How do you do?
- How do you do, good lady?Copy !req
82. I'm Arthur, king of the Britons.
Whose castle is that?Copy !req
83. - King of who?
- The Britons.Copy !req
84. - Who are the Britons?
- We are all Britons, and I am your king.Copy !req
85. I didn't know we had a king. I thought
we were an autonomous collective.Copy !req
86. You're fooling yourself.
We're living in a dictatorship.Copy !req
87. A self-perpetuating autocracy
in which the working classes...Copy !req
88. There you go bringing class
into it again.Copy !req
89. That's what it's all about.Copy !req
90. Please, good people. I am in haste.
Who lives in that castle?Copy !req
91. No one lives there.Copy !req
92. - Then who is your lord?
- We don't have a lord.Copy !req
93. What?Copy !req
94. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune.Copy !req
95. We take turns to act as sort of
an executive officer for the week.Copy !req
96. But all the decisions
of that officer have to be ratified...Copy !req
97. at a special biweekly meeting...Copy !req
98. by a simple majority
in the case of internal affairs.Copy !req
99. - But by 2/3rd's majority...
- Be quiet!Copy !req
100. - I order you to be quiet!
- Order? Who does he think he is?Copy !req
101. - I am your king.
- I didn't vote for you.Copy !req
102. - You don't vote for kings.
- How'd you become king, then?Copy !req
103. The Lady of the Lake...Copy !req
104. her arm clad in the purest
shimmering samite...Copy !req
105. held aloft Excalibur
from the bosom of the water...Copy !req
106. signifying by Divine Providence...Copy !req
107. that I, Arthur,
was to carry Excalibur.Copy !req
108. That is why I am your king.Copy !req
109. Strange women lying in ponds,
distributing swords...Copy !req
110. is no basis for government.Copy !req
111. Supreme executive power derives
from a mandate from the masses...Copy !req
112. not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.Copy !req
113. Quiet!Copy !req
114. You can't expect to wield
supreme executive power...Copy !req
115. because some watery tart
threw a sword at you.Copy !req
116. Shut up!Copy !req
117. If I went around saying
I was an emperor...Copy !req
118. just because some moistened bint lobbed
a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.Copy !req
119. Shut up!
Will you shut up?Copy !req
120. Now we see the violence
inherent in the system.Copy !req
121. Shut up!Copy !req
122. Come see the violence inherent in
the system. Help! I'm being repressed!Copy !req
123. - Bloody peasant!
- What a giveaway! Did you hear that?Copy !req
124. That's what I'm on about.
Did you see him repressing me?Copy !req
125. You fight with the strength
of many men, Sir Knight.Copy !req
126. I am Arthur, king of the Britons.Copy !req
127. I seek the finest and bravest knights
in the land...Copy !req
128. to join me at Camelot.Copy !req
129. You have proved yourself worthy.
Will you join me?Copy !req
130. You make me sad. So be it.
Come, Patsy.Copy !req
131. - None shall pass.
- What?Copy !req
132. None shall pass.Copy !req
133. I have no quarrel with you,
but I must cross this bridge.Copy !req
134. Then you shall die.Copy !req
135. I command you, as king of the Britons,
to stand aside!Copy !req
136. I move for no man.Copy !req
137. So be it!Copy !req
138. - Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
- 'Tis but a scratch.Copy !req
139. - A scratch? Your arm's off.
- No, it isn't.Copy !req
140. - What's that, then?
- I've had worse.Copy !req
141. - You liar!
- Come on, you pansy!Copy !req
142. Victory is mine.Copy !req
143. We thank Thee, Lord,
that in Thy mercy...Copy !req
144. - Come on.
- What?Copy !req
145. Have at you!Copy !req
146. You are indeed brave,
but the fight is mine.Copy !req
147. Had enough, eh?Copy !req
148. You stupid bastard,
you've got no arms left.Copy !req
149. - Yes, I have.
- Look!Copy !req
150. It's just a flesh wound.Copy !req
151. - Stop that!
- Chicken!Copy !req
152. I'll have your leg! Right!Copy !req
153. - Right!
- I'll do you for that.Copy !req
154. - You'll what?
- Come here.Copy !req
155. - Are you going to bleed on me?
- I'm invincible!Copy !req
156. You're loony.Copy !req
157. The Black Knight always triumphs!Copy !req
158. Have at you!
Come on, then.Copy !req
159. All right, we'll call it a draw.Copy !req
160. Come, Patsy.Copy !req
161. I see. Running away, eh?Copy !req
162. You yellow bastards! Come back here
and take what's coming to you!Copy !req
163. I'll bite your legs off!Copy !req
164. A witch! A witch!Copy !req
165. A witch! We found a witch!Copy !req
166. We've got a witch!
A witch! A witch!Copy !req
167. We have found a witch.
May we burn her?Copy !req
168. - How do you know she is a witch?
- She looks like one.Copy !req
169. Bring her forward.Copy !req
170. I'm not a witch!
I'm not a witch!Copy !req
171. But you are dressed as one.Copy !req
172. - They dressed me like this.
- No, we didn't.Copy !req
173. And this isn't my nose.
It's a false one.Copy !req
174. - Well?
- We did do the nose.Copy !req
175. - The nose?
- And the hat. But she is a witch!Copy !req
176. - Did you dress her up like this?
- No, no!Copy !req
177. Yes. A bit.Copy !req
178. She has got a wart.Copy !req
179. What makes you think
she's a witch?Copy !req
180. She turned me into a newt!Copy !req
181. A newt?Copy !req
182. I got better.Copy !req
183. Burn her anyway!Copy !req
184. Quiet! Quiet!Copy !req
185. There are ways of telling
whether she is a witch.Copy !req
186. - Are there? What are they? Tell us.
- Do they hurt?Copy !req
187. Tell me, what do you do with witches?Copy !req
188. Burn them!Copy !req
189. And what do you burn,
apart from witches?Copy !req
190. - More witches!
- Wood!Copy !req
191. So why do witches burn?Copy !req
192. - 'Cause they're made of wood?
- Good!Copy !req
193. - How do we tell if she is made of wood?
- Build a bridge out of her.Copy !req
194. But can you not also make bridges
out of stone?Copy !req
195. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
196. Does wood sink in water?Copy !req
197. - No, it floats.
- Throw her into the pond!Copy !req
198. What also floats in water?Copy !req
199. - Bread.
- Apples.Copy !req
200. - Very small rocks.
- Cider! Great gravy.Copy !req
201. - Cherries. Mud.
- Churches.Copy !req
202. - Lead.
- A duck!Copy !req
203. Exactly.Copy !req
204. So, logically...Copy !req
205. If she weighs the same as a duck...Copy !req
206. she's made of wood.Copy !req
207. And therefore?Copy !req
208. A witch!Copy !req
209. - A duck! A duck!
- Here's a duck.Copy !req
210. We shall use my largest scales.Copy !req
211. Burn the witch!Copy !req
212. Remove the supports!Copy !req
213. A witch!Copy !req
214. It's a fair cop.Copy !req
215. Who are you, who are so wise
in the ways of science?Copy !req
216. I am Arthur, king of the Britons.Copy !req
217. My Liege!Copy !req
218. Good Sir Knight, will you come with me
to Camelot...Copy !req
219. and join us at the Round Table?Copy !req
220. My Liege, I would be honored!Copy !req
221. - What is your name?
- Bedevere, my Liege.Copy !req
222. Then I dub you Sir Bedevere...Copy !req
223. Knight of the Round Table.Copy !req
224. The wise Sir Bedevere was the first
to join King Arthur's knights.Copy !req
225. But other illustrious names
were soon to follow.Copy !req
226. "Sir Lancelot the Brave.Copy !req
227. Sir Galahad the Pure.Copy !req
228. And Sir Robin the
Not-Quite-So-Brave-As Sir Lancelot...Copy !req
229. who had nearly fought
the Dragon of Angnor...Copy !req
230. who nearly stood up to
the Chicken of Bristol...Copy !req
231. and wet himself at
the Battle of Badon Hill.Copy !req
232. And the aptly named,
Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film.Copy !req
233. Together they formed a band
whose names and deeds...Copy !req
234. were retold throughout the centuries. "Copy !req
235. The Knights of the Round Table.Copy !req
236. And that, my Liege, is how we know
the Earth to be banana-shaped.Copy !req
237. And that, my Liege, is how we know
the Earth to be banana-shaped.Copy !req
238. This new learning amazes me.Copy !req
239. Explain again how sheeps' bladders
may be employed to prevent earthquakes.Copy !req
240. - Certainly, sir.
- Look, my Liege!Copy !req
241. - Camelot!
- Camelot!Copy !req
242. It's only a model.Copy !req
243. Knights, I bid you welcome
to your new home.Copy !req
244. Let us ride to Camelot!Copy !req
245. We're Knights of the Round Table
We dance when e're we're ableCopy !req
246. We do routines and chorus scenes
with footwork impeccableCopy !req
247. We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and Spam a lotCopy !req
248. We're Knights of the Round Table
Our shows are formidableCopy !req
249. But many times we're given rhymes
that are quite unsingableCopy !req
250. We're opera mad in Camelot
We sing from the diaphragm a lotCopy !req
251. In war we're tough and ableCopy !req
252. In war we're tough and ableCopy !req
253. Quite indefatigableCopy !req
254. Quite indefatigableCopy !req
255. Between our quests we sequin vests
and impersonate Clark GableCopy !req
256. It's a busy life in CamelotCopy !req
257. I have to push the pram a lotCopy !req
258. On second thought,
let's not go to Camelot.Copy !req
259. - It is a silly place.
- Right.Copy !req
260. Arthur! Arthur!Copy !req
261. King of the Britons!Copy !req
262. Don't grovel. If there's one thing
I can't stand, it's people groveling.Copy !req
263. - Sorry.
- And don't apologize!Copy !req
264. Every time I talk to someone, it's
"Sorry this" and "Forgive me that"...Copy !req
265. and "I'm not worthy."Copy !req
266. - What are you doing now?
- Averting my eyes.Copy !req
267. Don't! It's like those miserable psalms.
They're so depressing.Copy !req
268. - Now knock it off!
- Yes, Lord!Copy !req
269. Arthur, king of the Britons...Copy !req
270. your Knights of the Round Table
shall have a task...Copy !req
271. to make them an example
in these dark times.Copy !req
272. Good idea.Copy !req
273. Of course it's a good idea!Copy !req
274. Behold, Arthur,
this is the Holy Grail.Copy !req
275. Look well, Arthur...Copy !req
276. for it is your sacred task
to seek this Grail.Copy !req
277. That is your purpose, Arthur.Copy !req
278. The quest for the Holy Grail.Copy !req
279. A blessing from the Lord!Copy !req
280. God be praised!Copy !req
281. Halt!Copy !req
282. Hello!Copy !req
283. Hello!Copy !req
284. Hello? Who is it?Copy !req
285. It is King Arthur, and these are
my Knights of the Round Table.Copy !req
286. Whose castle is this?Copy !req
287. This is the castle of my master,
Guy di Loimbard.Copy !req
288. Go and tell your master...Copy !req
289. that we have been charged by God
with a sacred quest.Copy !req
290. If he will give us food and shelter
for the night...Copy !req
291. he can join us in our quest
for the Holy Grail.Copy !req
292. I'll ask him, but I don't think
he'll be very keen.Copy !req
293. He's already got one, you see.Copy !req
294. - What?
- He says they've already got one.Copy !req
295. Are you sure he's got one?Copy !req
296. Yes. It's very nice.Copy !req
297. I told him we already got one.Copy !req
298. Well, can we come up
and have a look?Copy !req
299. Of course not!
You are English types.Copy !req
300. What are you?Copy !req
301. I'm French! Why do you think I have
this outrageous accent, you silly king?Copy !req
302. - What are you doing in England?
- Mind your own business!Copy !req
303. If you will not show us the Grail,
we shall take your castle by force.Copy !req
304. You don't frighten us,
English pig-dogs!Copy !req
305. Go and boil your bottoms,
sons of a silly person!Copy !req
306. I blow my nose at you,
so-called Arthur King!Copy !req
307. You and all your silly English...Copy !req
308. "kniggits."Copy !req
309. - What a strange person.
- Look here, my good man...Copy !req
310. I don't want to talk to you no more...Copy !req
311. you empty-headed animal
food-trough wiper!Copy !req
312. I fart in your general direction.Copy !req
313. Your mother was a hamster...Copy !req
314. and your father smelt of elderberries!Copy !req
315. Is there someone else we could talk to?Copy !req
316. No. Now go away,
or I shall taunt you a second time.Copy !req
317. This is your last chance.
I've been more than reasonable.Copy !req
318. If you do not agree to my commands,
then I shall...Copy !req
319. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
320. Right!Copy !req
321. Charge!Copy !req
322. Run away!Copy !req
323. Filthy fiends.
I'll tear them apart.Copy !req
324. Sir, I have a plan.Copy !req
325. - What?
- A present.Copy !req
326. Hurry. Let's go.Copy !req
327. What happens now?Copy !req
328. Now Lancelot, Galahad and I...Copy !req
329. wait until nightfall,
and then leap out of the rabbit...Copy !req
330. taking the French by surprise.Copy !req
331. Not only by surprise,
but totally unarmed.Copy !req
332. Who leaps out?Copy !req
333. Lancelot, Galahad and I...Copy !req
334. leap out of the rabbit and...Copy !req
335. Look, if we built
this large, wooden badger...Copy !req
336. Run away!Copy !req
337. - Feature for schools. Take eight.
- Action.Copy !req
338. Defeat at the castle seems to
have utterly disheartened King Arthur.Copy !req
339. The ferocity of the French taunting
took him completely by surprise.Copy !req
340. And Arthur became convinced
that a new strategy was required...Copy !req
341. if the quest for the Holy Grail were to
be brought to a successful conclusion.Copy !req
342. Arthur, having consulted
his closest knights...Copy !req
343. decided that they should separate
and search for the Grail individually.Copy !req
344. Now this is what they did.Copy !req
345. Frank!Copy !req
346. "The Tale of Sir Robin."Copy !req
347. So each of the knights
went their separate ways.Copy !req
348. Sir Robin rode north
through the dark forest of Ewing...Copy !req
349. accompanied by his favorite minstrels.Copy !req
350. Bravely, bold Sir Robin
rode forth from CamelotCopy !req
351. He was not afraid to die
O brave Sir RobinCopy !req
352. He was not at all afraid
to be killed in nasty waysCopy !req
353. Brave, brave, brave Sir RobinCopy !req
354. He was not in the least bit scared
to be mashed into a pulpCopy !req
355. Or to have his eyes gouged out
and his elbows brokenCopy !req
356. To have his kneecaps split
and his body burned awayCopy !req
357. And his limbs all hacked and mangled
Brave Sir RobinCopy !req
358. His head smashed in, his heart cut out
His liver removed, his bowels unpluggedCopy !req
359. His nostrils raped, his bottom burnt off
And his penis...Copy !req
360. That's enough music for now, lads.Copy !req
361. Looks like there's dirty work afoot.Copy !req
362. Anarcho-syndicalist
is a way of preserving freedom.Copy !req
363. Oh, Dennis, forget about freedom!
And don't drop that mud.Copy !req
364. Halt! Who art thou?Copy !req
365. He is brave Sir Robin
Brave Sir Robin who...Copy !req
366. Shut up!
Nobody really.Copy !req
367. - I'm just passing through.
- What do you want?Copy !req
368. To fight and...Copy !req
369. Shut up!Copy !req
370. Nothing really.Copy !req
371. Just to pass through,
good Sir Knight.Copy !req
372. I'm afraid not.Copy !req
373. Actually I am
a Knight of the Round Table.Copy !req
374. - You're a Knight of the Round Table?
- I am.Copy !req
375. - In that case I shall have to kill you.
- Shall I?Copy !req
376. - I don't think so.
- What do I think?Copy !req
377. - Kill him.
- Let's be nice to him.Copy !req
378. Shut up! And you!Copy !req
379. Get the sword out.
I want to cut his head off!Copy !req
380. - Cut your own head off.
- Do us all a favor.Copy !req
381. - Yapping on all the time.
- You're lucky you're not next to him.Copy !req
382. - What do you mean?
- You snore.Copy !req
383. I don't. Anyway,
you've got bad breath.Copy !req
384. - Because you don't brush my teeth.
- Stop bitching. Let's have tea.Copy !req
385. All right. We'll kill him first,
then have tea and biscuits.Copy !req
386. - Not biscuits.
- All right, not biscuits.Copy !req
387. - Let's kill him anyway.
- Right.Copy !req
388. - He's buggered off.
- So he has. He's scarpered!Copy !req
389. Brave Sir Robin ran awayCopy !req
390. Bravely ran away, awayCopy !req
391. I didn't!Copy !req
392. When danger reared its ugly head
he bravely turned his tail and fledCopy !req
393. - Brave Sir Robin turned about
- I didn't!Copy !req
394. And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feetCopy !req
395. - I never did!
- He beat a very brave retreatCopy !req
396. - All lies!
- Bravest of the brave, Sir RobinCopy !req
397. I never!Copy !req
398. "The Tale of Sir Galahad."Copy !req
399. Open the door!Copy !req
400. In the name of King Arthur,
open the door!Copy !req
401. Hello.Copy !req
402. Welcome, gentle Sir Knight.Copy !req
403. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.Copy !req
404. Castle Anthrax?Copy !req
405. Yes. It's not a very good name,
is it?Copy !req
406. But we are nice, and we will attend
to your every need.Copy !req
407. You are the keepers
of the Holy Grail?Copy !req
408. - The what?
- The Grail. It is here?Copy !req
409. But you are tired,
and you must rest a while.Copy !req
410. - Midget. Crapper.
- Yes, O Zoot?Copy !req
411. Prepare a bed for our guest.Copy !req
412. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
413. Away, away, varletesses.Copy !req
414. The beds here are warm and soft
and very, very big.Copy !req
415. What is your name, handsome knight?Copy !req
416. Sir Galahad the Chaste.Copy !req
417. Mine is Zoot. Just Zoot.Copy !req
418. - But come.
- No, please!Copy !req
419. In God's name, show me the Grail.Copy !req
420. You have suffered much.
You are delirious.Copy !req
421. I have seen it. It is here.Copy !req
422. You would not be so ungallant
as to refuse our hospitality.Copy !req
423. I'm afraid our life must seem...Copy !req
424. very dull and quiet
compared to yours.Copy !req
425. We are but eightscore
young blondes and brunettes...Copy !req
426. all between 16 and 19-and-a-half...Copy !req
427. cut off in this castle
with no one to protect us.Copy !req
428. Oh, it is a lonely life.Copy !req
429. Bathing, dressing, undressing...Copy !req
430. making exciting underwear.Copy !req
431. We are not used to handsome knights.Copy !req
432. Nay, come, come.
You may lie here.Copy !req
433. - Oh, but you are wounded!
- No, it's nothing.Copy !req
434. You must see the doctors immediately.Copy !req
435. No, please, lie down.Copy !req
436. What seems to be the trouble?Copy !req
437. They're doctors?Copy !req
438. They have basic medical training, yes.Copy !req
439. Come, come.
You must try to rest.Copy !req
440. Dr. Piglet, Dr. Winston,
practice your art.Copy !req
441. - Try to relax.
- Are you sure that's necessary?Copy !req
442. We must examine you.Copy !req
443. - There's nothing wrong with that.
- Please. We are doctors.Copy !req
444. No! This cannot be.Copy !req
445. - I am sworn to chastity.
- Back to your bed at once.Copy !req
446. Torment me no longer.
I have seen the Grail.Copy !req
447. - There's no grail here.
- I have seen it!Copy !req
448. - I have seen...
- Hello.Copy !req
449. No. I am Zoot's
identical twin sister Dingo.Copy !req
450. - Excuse me.
- Where are you going?Copy !req
451. I seek the Grail.
I have seen it here in this castle!Copy !req
452. No! Oh, no!Copy !req
453. - Bad, bad Zoot!
- What is it?Copy !req
454. Wicked, bad, naughty Zoot!Copy !req
455. She has been lighting our beacon, which
I've just remembered is grail-shaped.Copy !req
456. - This is not the first time.
- It's not the real Grail?Copy !req
457. Wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot!Copy !req
458. She is a bad person
and must pay the penalty.Copy !req
459. Do you think this scene
should have been cut?Copy !req
460. We were so worried
when the boys were writing it.Copy !req
461. But now we're glad. It's better than
some of the previous scenes, I think.Copy !req
462. - At least ours was better visually.
- At least ours wasn't just pussy jokes.Copy !req
463. - Get on with it.
- Yes! Get on with it!Copy !req
464. - Get on with it!
- Oh, I am enjoying this scene!Copy !req
465. Get on with it!Copy !req
466. Wicked Zoot!Copy !req
467. She must pay the penalty.Copy !req
468. Here in Anthrax we have one punishment
for lighting the grail-shaped beacon.Copy !req
469. You must tie her down on a bed
and spank her.Copy !req
470. A spanking!Copy !req
471. Spank her well, and after you have
spanked her, deal with her as you like.Copy !req
472. - Then spank me.
- And me.Copy !req
473. Yes. Give us all a good spanking.Copy !req
474. And after the spanking,
the oral sex.Copy !req
475. I could stay a bit longer.Copy !req
476. - Sir Galahad!
- Hello.Copy !req
477. Quick! Quick!
You're in great peril!Copy !req
478. - No, he isn't!
- Silence, foul temptress!Copy !req
479. - She's got the point.
- We will cover your escape.Copy !req
480. I'm fine!Copy !req
481. - I can tackle this lot single-handed.
- Let him tackle us singled-handed.Copy !req
482. - No, Sir Galahad. Come.
- I can handle this lot easily.Copy !req
483. Let him handle us easily.Copy !req
484. Wait. I can defeat them.
There's only 150 of them.Copy !req
485. Yes! He'll beat us easily!
We haven't a chance.Copy !req
486. Oh, shit!Copy !req
487. - You were in great peril.
- I don't think I was.Copy !req
488. - You were in terrible peril.
- Let me go back in and face the peril.Copy !req
489. - It's too perilous.
- My duty is to sample peril.Copy !req
490. - We've got to find the Holy Grail.
- Let me have a bit of peril.Copy !req
491. - No. It's unhealthy.
- I bet you're gay.Copy !req
492. I am not.Copy !req
493. "Sir Lancelot had saved Sir Galahad
from almost certain temptation. "Copy !req
494. But they were no nearer the Grail.Copy !req
495. Meanwhile,
King Arthur and Sir Bedevere...Copy !req
496. not more than a swallow's flight away
had discovered something.Copy !req
497. That's an unladen swallow's flight,
obviously.Copy !req
498. They were more than two laden
swallows'flights away.Copy !req
499. Four if they had a coconut on a line
between them. If the birds walked...Copy !req
500. Get on with it!Copy !req
501. Anyway, on to scene 24,
a smashing scene with lovely acting...Copy !req
502. in which Arthur discovers
a vital clue...Copy !req
503. in which there are no swallows,
but I think you can hear...Copy !req
504. And this enchanter of whom you speak,
he has seen the Grail?Copy !req
505. Where does he live?
Old man, where does he live?Copy !req
506. He knows of a cave.Copy !req
507. A cave which no man has entered.Copy !req
508. And the Grail is there?Copy !req
509. There is much danger,
for beyond the cave...Copy !req
510. lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril...Copy !req
511. which no man has ever crossed.Copy !req
512. But the Grail!
Where is the Grail?Copy !req
513. Seek you the Bridge of Death!Copy !req
514. The Bridge of Death
which leads to the Grail?Copy !req
515. Who are you?Copy !req
516. - We are the Knights Who Say "Ni."
- No, not the Knights Who Say "Ni."Copy !req
517. - The same.
- Who are thee?Copy !req
518. We are the keepers of the sacred words:Copy !req
519. "Ni," "Peng," and "Nee-wom"!Copy !req
520. Those who hear them seldom live.Copy !req
521. The Knights Who Say "Ni"
demand a sacrifice.Copy !req
522. We are simple travelers who seek the
enchanter who lives beyond these woods.Copy !req
523. We shall say "Ni" again to you...Copy !req
524. if you do not appease us.Copy !req
525. - What do you want?
- We want...Copy !req
526. a shrubbery!Copy !req
527. A what?Copy !req
528. Please, no more!
We will find you a shrubbery.Copy !req
529. You must return here with a shrubbery...Copy !req
530. or else you will never pass
through this wood alive.Copy !req
531. You are just and fair,
and we will return with the shrubbery.Copy !req
532. - One that looks nice.
- Of course.Copy !req
533. - And not too expensive.
- Yes.Copy !req
534. Now go!Copy !req
535. Stop that. Stop that.Copy !req
536. Go on, clear off. Go away.Copy !req
537. Do it. Go away.Copy !req
538. And you, clear off!Copy !req
539. Bloody weather.Copy !req
540. "The Tale of Sir Lancelot."Copy !req
541. One day, lad,
all this will be yours.Copy !req
542. - The curtains?
- Not the curtains, lad.Copy !req
543. All you can see stretched
over the hills and valleys of this land.Copy !req
544. - This will be your kingdom.
- But, Mother...Copy !req
545. I'm Father.Copy !req
546. But, Father, I don't want any of that.Copy !req
547. Listen, I built this kingdom
up from nothing.Copy !req
548. When I started,
all there was was swamp.Copy !req
549. All the kings said I was daft
to build a castle in a swamp...Copy !req
550. but I built it all the same,
just to show 'em.Copy !req
551. It sank into the swamp.
So I built a second one.Copy !req
552. That sank into the swamp.
So I built a third one.Copy !req
553. That burned down, fell over,
then sank into the swamp!Copy !req
554. But the fourth one stayed up!Copy !req
555. And that's what you're gonna get.Copy !req
556. The strongest castle in these isles.Copy !req
557. - I don't want any of that. I'd rather...
- Rather what?Copy !req
558. I'd rather just sing!Copy !req
559. Stop that! You're not going
into a song while I'm here.Copy !req
560. Listen. In 20 minutes
you're getting married to a girl...Copy !req
561. whose father owns the biggest tracts
of open land in Britain.Copy !req
562. But I don't want land.Copy !req
563. - Listen, Alice...
- Herbert.Copy !req
564. We live in a bloody swamp.
We need all the land we can get!Copy !req
565. But I don't like her.Copy !req
566. Don't like her?
What's wrong with her?Copy !req
567. She's beautiful. She's rich.Copy !req
568. She's got huge...Copy !req
569. tracts of land.Copy !req
570. I know...Copy !req
571. but I want the girl
that I marry to have...Copy !req
572. a certain special something.Copy !req
573. Cut that out!Copy !req
574. Look, you're marrying
Princess Lucky...Copy !req
575. so you better get used to the idea.Copy !req
576. Guards!Copy !req
577. Make sure the prince doesn't leave
this room until I come and get him.Copy !req
578. Not to leave the room,
even if you come and get him.Copy !req
579. No, no. Until I come and get him.Copy !req
580. Until you come and get him,
we're not to enter the room.Copy !req
581. No, no. You stay in the room
and make sure he doesn't leave.Copy !req
582. - And you'll come and get him.
- Right.Copy !req
583. We don't need to do anything apart
from just stop him entering the room.Copy !req
584. - No, no. Leaving the room.
- Leaving the room. Yes.Copy !req
585. All right?Copy !req
586. - Yes? What is it?
- If... Oh.Copy !req
587. It's quite simple.Copy !req
588. You just stay here and make sure
he doesn't leave the room.Copy !req
589. All right?Copy !req
590. Oh, I remember.
Can he leave the room with us?Copy !req
591. No, no. You just keep him in here,
and make sure...Copy !req
592. Oh, yes! We'll keep him
in here, obviously.Copy !req
593. But if he had to leave
and we were with him...Copy !req
594. - Just keep him in here...
- Until you or anyone else...Copy !req
595. - No, not anyone else, just me.
- Just you.Copy !req
596. - Get back.
- Get back.Copy !req
597. - Right?
- We'll stay here until you get back.Copy !req
598. And make sure he doesn't leave.Copy !req
599. What?Copy !req
600. Make sure he doesn't leave.Copy !req
601. - The prince?
- Yes, make sure he doesn't leave...Copy !req
602. Oh, yes, of course.
I thought you meant him.Copy !req
603. It seemed a bit daft, me having
to guard him when he's a guard.Copy !req
604. - Is that clear?
- Oh, quite clear. No problems.Copy !req
605. Right.Copy !req
606. - Where are you going?
- We're coming with you.Copy !req
607. No, no. I want you to stay here
and make sure he doesn't leave.Copy !req
608. Oh, I see. Right.Copy !req
609. Shut your noise, you!
And get that suit on!Copy !req
610. And no singing!Copy !req
611. Go get a glass of water.Copy !req
612. - Well taken, Concord.
- Thank you, sir. Most kind.Copy !req
613. And again.Copy !req
614. Over we go! Good. Steady.Copy !req
615. And now, the big one!Copy !req
616. Come on, Concord.Copy !req
617. Message for you, sir.Copy !req
618. Concord, speak to me!Copy !req
619. "To whoever finds this note:Copy !req
620. I have been imprisoned by my father...Copy !req
621. who wishes me to marry
against my will.Copy !req
622. Please, please,
please come and rescue me.Copy !req
623. I am in the tall tower
of Swamp Castle."Copy !req
624. At last! A call!
A cry of distress!Copy !req
625. This could be the sign that leads us
to the Holy Grail.Copy !req
626. Brave, brave Concord,
you shall not have died in vain.Copy !req
627. I'm not quite dead, sir.Copy !req
628. Well, you shall not have been
mortally wounded in vain.Copy !req
629. I think I could pull through, sir.Copy !req
630. Oh, I see.Copy !req
631. - I think I'm all right to come with you.
- No, no, stay here.Copy !req
632. I will send help when I have made
the daring and heroic rescue...Copy !req
633. in my own particular...Copy !req
634. - Idiom, sir?
- Idiom!Copy !req
635. - No, I feel fine, actually, sir.
- Farewell, sweet Concord.Copy !req
636. I'll just stay here, then,
shall I, sir?Copy !req
637. Yeah.Copy !req
638. - Morning.
- Morning.Copy !req
639. You're not allowed
to enter this room...Copy !req
640. O fair one, behold your humble servant,
Sir Lancelot of Camelot.Copy !req
641. I have come to take...
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.Copy !req
642. - You got my note!
- Well, I got a note.Copy !req
643. - You've come to rescue me.
- You see...Copy !req
644. I knew someone would.Copy !req
645. I knew that somewhere out there,
there must be someone who...Copy !req
646. Stop that! Stop it!Copy !req
647. - Who are you?
- I'm your son!Copy !req
648. - Not you.
- I am Sir Lancelot, sir.Copy !req
649. - He's come to rescue me, Father.
- Let's not jump to conclusions.Copy !req
650. Did you kill all those guards?Copy !req
651. Oh, yes. Sorry.Copy !req
652. - They cost 50 pounds each!
- I'm sorry. I can explain.Copy !req
653. Don't be afraid of him.
I've got a rope all ready.Copy !req
654. You killed eight wedding guests in all!Copy !req
655. - You see, I thought your son was a lady.
- I can understand that.Copy !req
656. Hurry, Sir Lancelot.Copy !req
657. - You only killed the bride's father.
- I didn't mean to.Copy !req
658. - You put your sword through his head!
- Oh, dear. Is he all right?Copy !req
659. You even kicked the bride.
This is gonna cost me a fortune.Copy !req
660. I can explain. I was riding north
from Camelot when I got this note...Copy !req
661. Camelot?
Are you from Camelot?Copy !req
662. Hurry.Copy !req
663. - I am a knight of King Arthur.
- Very nice castle, Camelot.Copy !req
664. - Very good pig country.
- Is it?Copy !req
665. Hurry. I am ready.Copy !req
666. - Would you like to come have a drink?
- That's awfully nice of you.Copy !req
667. I am ready!Copy !req
668. I mean, to be so understanding.Copy !req
669. I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom,
I get carried away.Copy !req
670. Don't worry about that.Copy !req
671. This is the main hall. We're having this
made into one big living room.Copy !req
672. - There he is!
- Oh, bloody hell.Copy !req
673. Hold it!Copy !req
674. - Please.
- Sorry, sorry.Copy !req
675. See what I mean? I get carried away.
I really must apologize. Sorry.Copy !req
676. He's killed the best man!Copy !req
677. Hold it. Hold it, please.Copy !req
678. This is Sir Lancelot
from the court of Camelot.Copy !req
679. A very brave and influential knight...Copy !req
680. and my special guest here today.Copy !req
681. - Hello.
- He killed my auntie!Copy !req
682. Please, please!Copy !req
683. This is supposed to be
a happy occasion.Copy !req
684. Let's not bicker and argue
about who killed who.Copy !req
685. We are here today to witness
the union of two young people...Copy !req
686. in the joyful bond
of holy wedlock.Copy !req
687. Unfortunately, one of them,
my son Herbert...Copy !req
688. has just fallen to his death.Copy !req
689. But I don't want to think
I've lost a son...Copy !req
690. so much as gained a daughter.Copy !req
691. - Since the tragic death of her father...
- He's not quite dead.Copy !req
692. Since the near fatal wounding
of her father...Copy !req
693. He's getting better.Copy !req
694. For, since her own father...Copy !req
695. who, when he seemed about to recover...Copy !req
696. suddenly felt the icy hand
of death upon him...Copy !req
697. Oh, he's died.Copy !req
698. I want his only daughter
to look upon me as her own dad...Copy !req
699. in a very real
and legally binding sense.Copy !req
700. And I feel sure that the merger...
the union...Copy !req
701. between the princess...Copy !req
702. and the brave but dangerous
Sir Lancelot of Camelot...Copy !req
703. Look! The dead prince!Copy !req
704. - He's not quite dead.
- No, I feel much better.Copy !req
705. You fell out of the tall tower,
you creep!Copy !req
706. - No, I was saved at the last minute.
- How?Copy !req
707. Well, I'll tell you.Copy !req
708. Not like that! No!Copy !req
709. Stop it!Copy !req
710. He's going to tell
He's going to tellCopy !req
711. Quickly, this way.Copy !req
712. No, it's not right for my idiom.
I must escape more...Copy !req
713. Dramatically?Copy !req
714. Dramatically.Copy !req
715. Heave!Copy !req
716. What a wonderful escapeCopy !req
717. Excuse me. Could somebody
give me a push, please?Copy !req
718. Old crone.Copy !req
719. Is there anywhere in this town
where we could buy a shrubbery?Copy !req
720. - Who sent you?
- The Knights Who Say "Ni."Copy !req
721. Ah, no. Never.
We've no shrubberies here.Copy !req
722. If you do not tell us where
we can buy a shrubbery...Copy !req
723. my friend and I will say...Copy !req
724. We will say "Ni."Copy !req
725. Do your worst.Copy !req
726. Very well. If you will
not assist us voluntarily...Copy !req
727. Never! No shrubbery!Copy !req
728. - Nu!
- No, no. It's not that. It's "Ni."Copy !req
729. - Nu.
- No. Ni. You're not doing it properly.Copy !req
730. - Ni.
- That's it. You got it.Copy !req
731. Are you saying "Ni"
to that old woman?Copy !req
732. Um, yes.Copy !req
733. Oh, what sad times are these
when passing ruffians...Copy !req
734. can say "Ni" at will
to old ladies.Copy !req
735. There is a pestilence upon this land.
Nothing is sacred.Copy !req
736. Even those who arrange
and design shrubberies...Copy !req
737. are under considerable economic stress
at this period in history.Copy !req
738. - Did you say shrubberies?
- Yes.Copy !req
739. Shrubberies are my trade.
I am a shrubber.Copy !req
740. My name is Roger the Shrubber.Copy !req
741. I arrange, design
and sell shrubberies.Copy !req
742. O Knights of Ni, we have brought you
your shrubbery. May we go now?Copy !req
743. It is a good shrubbery.
I like the laurel particularly.Copy !req
744. But there is one small problem.Copy !req
745. What?Copy !req
746. We are now no longer
the Knights Who Say "Ni."Copy !req
747. We are now the Knights Who Say
"Ecky, Ecky, Ecky, Pakang, Zoom-ping."Copy !req
748. We must give you a test.Copy !req
749. What is this test, O Knights of...
Knights Who Till Recently Said "Ni"?Copy !req
750. Firstly, you must find
another shrubbery.Copy !req
751. Not another shrubbery!Copy !req
752. When you have found the shrubbery,
place it beside this shrubbery...Copy !req
753. only higher to get the two-level effect
with a path down the middle.Copy !req
754. A path!Copy !req
755. Then when you have found
the shrubbery...Copy !req
756. you must cut down the mightiest tree
in the forest...Copy !req
757. with a herring!Copy !req
758. - We shall do no such thing.
- Please.Copy !req
759. Cut down a tree with a herring?
It can't be done.Copy !req
760. - Oh! Don't say that word.
- What word?Copy !req
761. I cannot tell. It is one of the words
the Knights of Ni cannot hear.Copy !req
762. How can we not say the word
if you don't tell us what it is?Copy !req
763. - You said it again!
- What? "Is"?Copy !req
764. Not "is."Copy !req
765. Wouldn't get far in life
not saying "is."Copy !req
766. My Liege, it's Sir Robin!Copy !req
767. And packing it up
and sneaking away and buggering offCopy !req
768. And chickening out
and pissing off homeCopy !req
769. Yes, bravely he is
throwing in the spongeCopy !req
770. - It's good to see you.
- Now he said the word.Copy !req
771. Surely you've not given up your quest
for the Holy Grail.Copy !req
772. He is sneaking away
and buggering offCopy !req
773. - No, no. Far from it.
- He said the word again.Copy !req
774. I was looking for it...Copy !req
775. here in this forest.Copy !req
776. It is far from this place.Copy !req
777. - Stop saying the word!
- Oh, stop it!Copy !req
778. - You said it again.
- That's it.Copy !req
779. I said it! I said it!
Oh, I said it again!Copy !req
780. That's three "its."Copy !req
781. And so Arthur and Bedevere
and Sir Robin...Copy !req
782. set out on their search
to find the Enchanter...Copy !req
783. of whom the old man had spoken
in scene 24.Copy !req
784. Beyond the forest,
they met Lancelot and Galahad...Copy !req
785. and there was much rejoicing.Copy !req
786. In the frozen land of Nador...Copy !req
787. they were forced to eat
Robin's minstrels...Copy !req
788. and there was much rejoicing.Copy !req
789. Ayear passed.Copy !req
790. - Winter changed into spring.
- Nice.Copy !req
791. Spring changed into summer.Copy !req
792. Summer changed back into winter.Copy !req
793. And winter gave spring and summer
a miss and went straight into autumn.Copy !req
794. Until one day...Copy !req
795. Knights...Copy !req
796. forward.Copy !req
797. What manner of man are you that can
summon up fire without flint or tinder?Copy !req
798. I am an enchanter.Copy !req
799. By what name are you known?Copy !req
800. There are some who call me...Copy !req
801. Tim.Copy !req
802. Greetings, Tim the Enchanter.Copy !req
803. Greetings, King Arthur.Copy !req
804. - You know my name?
- I do!Copy !req
805. You seek the Holy Grail.Copy !req
806. That is our quest. You know much
that is hidden, O Tim.Copy !req
807. Quite.Copy !req
808. Yes, we're looking
for the Holy Grail.Copy !req
809. Our quest is to find
the Holy Grail.Copy !req
810. Yes, it is. Yeah.Copy !req
811. And so we're looking for it.Copy !req
812. - Yes. We have been for some time.
- Ages.Copy !req
813. So anything that
you could do to help...Copy !req
814. would be...Copy !req
815. very helpful.Copy !req
816. Can you tell us...Copy !req
817. Fine. I don't want to waste
any more of your time.Copy !req
818. But I don't suppose you could tell us
where we might find a...Copy !req
819. A what?Copy !req
820. - A grail?
- Yes, I think so.Copy !req
821. - Yes.
- Yes.Copy !req
822. Yes!Copy !req
823. - Oh, thank you.
- Splendid.Copy !req
824. Look, you're a busy man and...Copy !req
825. Yes, I can help you find
the Holy Grail.Copy !req
826. To the north there lies a cave...Copy !req
827. the cave of Caerbannog...Copy !req
828. wherein carved in mystic runes
upon the very living rock...Copy !req
829. the last words
of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged...Copy !req
830. make plain the last resting place
of the most Holy Grail.Copy !req
831. Where could we find this cave,
O Tim?Copy !req
832. Follow!Copy !req
833. But follow only
if ye be men of valor!Copy !req
834. For the entrance to this cave
is guarded by a creature...Copy !req
835. so foul, so cruel...Copy !req
836. that no man yet
has fought with it and lived!Copy !req
837. Bones of full 50 men...Copy !req
838. lie strewn about its lair!Copy !req
839. So, brave knights...Copy !req
840. if you do doubt your courage
or your strength...Copy !req
841. come no further,
for death awaits you all...Copy !req
842. with nasty, big, pointy teeth.Copy !req
843. What an eccentric performance.Copy !req
844. - They're nervous, sire.
- We best leave them and go on foot.Copy !req
845. Dismount!Copy !req
846. Behold the cave of Caerbannog.Copy !req
847. Right. Keep me covered.Copy !req
848. - What with?
- Just keep me covered.Copy !req
849. Too late!Copy !req
850. What?Copy !req
851. There he is!Copy !req
852. - Where?
- There!Copy !req
853. Behind the rabbit?Copy !req
854. It is the rabbit.Copy !req
855. You silly sod!Copy !req
856. - What?
- You got us all worked up!Copy !req
857. That's no ordinary rabbit.Copy !req
858. That's the most foul, cruel
and bad-tempered rodent you ever saw.Copy !req
859. You tit! I soiled my armor
I was so scared.Copy !req
860. That rabbit's got a vicious streak.
It's a killer.Copy !req
861. - Get stuffed!
- He'll do you up a treat, mate.Copy !req
862. You mangy Scots git!Copy !req
863. - I'm warning you.
- What's he do, nibble your bum?Copy !req
864. He's got huge, sharp...Copy !req
865. He can leap about...Copy !req
866. - Look at the bones!
- Go on, Bors. Chop his head off.Copy !req
867. Right. Silly little bleeder.
One rabbit stew coming right up.Copy !req
868. Look!Copy !req
869. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
870. - I warned you.
- I've done it again.Copy !req
871. I warned you, but did you listen to me?
Oh, no. You knew it all, didn't you?Copy !req
872. Oh, it's just a harmless
little bunny, isn't it?Copy !req
873. Well, it's always the same.
I always tell them...Copy !req
874. Shut up!Copy !req
875. Right. Charge!Copy !req
876. Run away! Run away!Copy !req
877. How many did we lose?Copy !req
878. - Gawain.
- Ector.Copy !req
879. - And Bors. That's five.
- Three, sir.Copy !req
880. Three. We better not risk another
frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.Copy !req
881. Would it help to confuse it
if we run away more?Copy !req
882. Oh, shut up.
Go and change your armor.Copy !req
883. Let us taunt it. It may become so cross
that it will make a mistake.Copy !req
884. Like what?Copy !req
885. Well...Copy !req
886. Have we got bows?Copy !req
887. - We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
- Yes. The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.Copy !req
888. 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother
Maynard carries. Brother Maynard.Copy !req
889. Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade.Copy !req
890. - How does it... How does it work?
- I don't know, my Liege.Copy !req
891. Consult the "Book of Armaments."Copy !req
892. Armaments, chapter 2,
verses 9 to 21.Copy !req
893. "And St. Attila raised
the hand grenade up on high saying...Copy !req
894. 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade...Copy !req
895. that with it thou mayest blow
thine enemies to tiny bits...Copy !req
896. in Thy mercy.'Copy !req
897. And the Lord did grin...Copy !req
898. and the people did feast upon
the lambs and sloths and carp...Copy !req
899. and anchovies and orangutans
and breakfast cereals and fruit bats..."Copy !req
900. Skip a bit, Brother.Copy !req
901. "And the Lord spake saying...Copy !req
902. 'First shalt thou take out
the holy pin...Copy !req
903. then shalt thou count to three...Copy !req
904. no more, no less.Copy !req
905. Three shall be the number
thou shalt count...Copy !req
906. and the number of the counting
shall be three.Copy !req
907. Four shalt thou not count,
neither count thou two...Copy !req
908. excepting that thou
then proceed to three.Copy !req
909. Five is right out.Copy !req
910. Once the number three,
being the third number, be reached...Copy !req
911. then lobbest thou
thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch...Copy !req
912. towards thy foe...Copy !req
913. who, being naughty in My sight,
shall snuff it."'Copy !req
914. - Amen.
- Amen.Copy !req
915. Right.Copy !req
916. One, two, five.Copy !req
917. - Three, sir!
- Three!Copy !req
918. There! Look!Copy !req
919. - What does it say?
- What language is that?Copy !req
920. - Brother Maynard, you're our scholar.
- It's Aramaic.Copy !req
921. Of course.
Joseph of Arimathea.Copy !req
922. - Of course.
- What does it say?Copy !req
923. It reads, "Here may be found...Copy !req
924. the last words
ofJoseph of Arimathea.Copy !req
925. He who is valiant
and pure of spirit...Copy !req
926. may find the Holy Grail...Copy !req
927. in the castle of A-a-a-argh."Copy !req
928. What?Copy !req
929. "The castle of A-a-a-argh."Copy !req
930. What is that?Copy !req
931. He must have died while carving it.Copy !req
932. - Oh, come on!
- Well, that's what it says.Copy !req
933. If he was dying he wouldn't bother
to carve "A-a-a-argh." He'd just say it.Copy !req
934. That's what's carved in the rock.Copy !req
935. - Perhaps he was dictating.
- Shut up. Does it say anything else?Copy !req
936. No. Just...Copy !req
937. "A-a-a-argh."Copy !req
938. Do you suppose he meant
the Camargue?Copy !req
939. - Where's that?
- In France, I think.Copy !req
940. Isn't there a St. A-a-a-argh's
in Cornwall?Copy !req
941. - That's St. Ives.
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
942. No, no. A-a-a-argh.
Back of the throat.Copy !req
943. No, no. "O-o-oh" in surprise and alarm.Copy !req
944. - You mean sort of a "aaah"!
- Yes, that's right.Copy !req
945. Oh, my God!Copy !req
946. It's the legendary
Black Beast of...Copy !req
947. That's it! Run away!Copy !req
948. Keep running!Copy !req
949. We've lost him.Copy !req
950. As the horrendous Black Beast
lunged forward...Copy !req
951. escape for Arthur and his knights
seemed hopeless...Copy !req
952. when suddenly the animator
suffered a fatal heart attack.Copy !req
953. The cartoon peril was no more.Copy !req
954. The quest for the Holy Grail
could continue.Copy !req
955. There it is!
The Bridge of Death.Copy !req
956. Oh, great.Copy !req
957. Look! There's the old man
from scene 24.Copy !req
958. - What's he doing here?
- He's the keeper of the Bridge of Death.Copy !req
959. He asks each traveler
five questions...Copy !req
960. - Three questions.
- Three questions.Copy !req
961. - He who answers the five questions...
- Three questions.Copy !req
962. Three questions.
May cross in safety.Copy !req
963. What if you get a question wrong?Copy !req
964. Then you are cast
into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.Copy !req
965. I won't go.Copy !req
966. - Who's gonna answer the questions?
- Sir Robin.Copy !req
967. - Yes?
- Brave Sir Robin, you go.Copy !req
968. I've got a great idea.
Why doesn't Lancelot go?Copy !req
969. Yes, let me go.
I will take it single-handed.Copy !req
970. - I shall make a feint to the northeast...
- No. Hang on.Copy !req
971. - Just answer the five questions...
- Three questions.Copy !req
972. Three questions as best you can.Copy !req
973. And we shall watch and pray.Copy !req
974. I understand.Copy !req
975. Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot.
God be with you.Copy !req
976. Stop!Copy !req
977. Who would cross the Bridge of Death
must answer me these questions three...Copy !req
978. ere the other side he see.Copy !req
979. Ask me the questions, bridge keeper.
I am not afraid.Copy !req
980. What is your name?Copy !req
981. My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.Copy !req
982. - What is your quest?
- To seek the Holy Grail.Copy !req
983. - What is your favorite color?
- Blue.Copy !req
984. Right. Off you go.Copy !req
985. Oh, thank you very much.Copy !req
986. That's easy!Copy !req
987. Stop!Copy !req
988. Who approacheth the Bridge of Death
must answer me these questions three...Copy !req
989. ere the other side he see.Copy !req
990. Ask me the questions.
I am not afraid.Copy !req
991. - What is your name?
- Sir Robin of Camelot.Copy !req
992. - What is your quest?
- To seek the Holy Grail.Copy !req
993. What is the capital of Assyria?Copy !req
994. I don't know that!Copy !req
995. Stop!Copy !req
996. - What is your name?
- Sir Galahad of Camelot.Copy !req
997. - What is your quest?
- I seek the Grail.Copy !req
998. What is your favorite color?Copy !req
999. Blue. No, yel...Copy !req
1000. Stop! What is your name?Copy !req
1001. It is Arthur, king of the Britons.Copy !req
1002. - What is your quest?
- To seek the Holy Grail.Copy !req
1003. What is the airspeed velocity
of an unladen swallow?Copy !req
1004. What do you mean,
an African or a European swallow?Copy !req
1005. I don't know that.Copy !req
1006. How do you know
so much about swallows?Copy !req
1007. You have to know these things
when you're a king.Copy !req
1008. Lancelot?Copy !req
1009. ArthurCopy !req
1010. The Castle A-a-a-argh.Copy !req
1011. Our quest is at an end.Copy !req
1012. God be praised!Copy !req
1013. Almighty God, we thank Thee...Copy !req
1014. that Thou has vouchsafed to us
the most Holy...Copy !req
1015. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
1016. Hello, daffy English "kniggits"...Copy !req
1017. and Monsieur Arthur King
who has the brain of a duck.Copy !req
1018. So we French fellows
outwit you a second time.Copy !req
1019. How dare you profane this place
with your presence!Copy !req
1020. I command you, in the name
of the Knights of Camelot...Copy !req
1021. to open the doors
of this sacred castle...Copy !req
1022. to which God Himself has guided us!Copy !req
1023. How you English say,
I one more time...Copy !req
1024. unclog my nose in your direction,
sons of a window dresser.Copy !req
1025. So you think you could
out-clever us French folk...Copy !req
1026. with your silly knees-bent,
running-about advancing behavior!Copy !req
1027. I wave my private parts
at your aunties...Copy !req
1028. you cheesy lot of secondhand
electric-donkey bottom biters!Copy !req
1029. In the name of the Lord...Copy !req
1030. we demand entrance
to this sacred castle!Copy !req
1031. No chance, English bed-wetting types.Copy !req
1032. I burst my pimples at you and call
your door-opening request a silly thing.Copy !req
1033. You tiny-brained wipers
of other people's bottoms!Copy !req
1034. If you do not open this door,
we shall take this castle by force.Copy !req
1035. In the name of God
and the glory of our...Copy !req
1036. Right! That settles it!Copy !req
1037. Yes! Depart at this time
and cut the approaching...Copy !req
1038. or we fire arrows into your heads and
make castanets out of your testicles.Copy !req
1039. Walk away. Just ignore them.Copy !req
1040. Now remain gone,
illegitimate-faced bugger folk!Copy !req
1041. If you think you got
a nasty taunting this time...Copy !req
1042. you ain't heard nothing yet...Copy !req
1043. daffy English "kniggits"!Copy !req
1044. - We shall attack at once!
- Yes, my Liege.Copy !req
1045. Stand by for attack!Copy !req
1046. French persons!Copy !req
1047. Today the blood of many a valiant knight
shall be avenged!Copy !req
1048. In the name of God,
we shall not stop our fight...Copy !req
1049. till each one of you lies dead...Copy !req
1050. and the Holy Grail...Copy !req
1051. returns to those
whom God has chosen!Copy !req
1052. Charge!Copy !req
1053. Yes, they're the ones.
I'm sure.Copy !req
1054. Don't let any of them go through.Copy !req
1055. That's them. Yes.Copy !req
1056. Move along. Come on.Copy !req
1057. This one. Come on.
Put him in the van.Copy !req
1058. Get a blanket on that one.Copy !req
1059. Come on, back.
Right back. Come on.Copy !req
1060. Put that over there.
That's an offensive weapon, that is.Copy !req
1061. Back. Come on.Copy !req
1062. All right, sonny, that's enough.
Just pack that in.Copy !req
1063. Christ!Copy !req