1. You'd better pray to the Lord
When you see those flying saucers
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2. It may be the coming of the Judgment Day
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3. Hey, Jerry, you might wanna check this
one out. Palomar just picked it up.
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4. Looks like some type of UFO,
and it's heading this way.
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5. How many times do I have to tell you?
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6. UFOs don't exist
and we're never gonna see...
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7. - Wow, its energy signature is massive.
- Holy Cheez-Its! What do we do?
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8. No one told us what to do!
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9. I took this job because
you never have to do anything!
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10. Jerry, stop it.
Let me calculate its impact point.
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11. Looks like...
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12. Modesto, California.
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13. Supernova, this is Red Dwarf.
We actually have one!
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14. Code Nimoy! I repeat, Code Nimoy!
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15. What are you guys doing here?
It's 5:00 in the morning.
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16. Hurry, turn on the TV! Turn it on now!
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17. and some early morning fog,
giving way to sunny skies.
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18. Seventy-five degrees.
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19. A perfect day to stop by
the old folk art and craft show
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20. down at the fairgrounds, or a
perfect day to marry Susan Murphy.
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21. I love you, baby.
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22. I love you, too.
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23. And good morning, Modesto!
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24. Channel 172.
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25. You look gorgeous, sweetheart.
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26. Thanks, Mom.
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27. My little girl!
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28. Daddy!
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29. Now, I want you to know that, even
though I'm about to give you away...
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30. I will always be here
to take care of you.
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31. Don't cry because then you'll make me
cry, and that's just gonna be a mess.
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32. I can't help it!
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33. Hello, everyone! Attention, attention!
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34. Wedding starts in 30 minutes!
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35. - My beautiful daughter-in-law!
- Hi, Mama Dietl.
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36. It's like a fairy tale. The Weatherman
and the Weatherman's Wife.
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37. Romantic.
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38. I know. Just think, this time tomorrow,
I'm gonna be in Paris!
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39. And someday, we won't
just be honeymooning there.
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40. Derek will become an anchor
or a foreign correspondent.
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41. - And we'll travel all over the world.
- Honey, my fingers are crossed.
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42. One thumb is shorter than the other.
Runs in the family.
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43. Derek doesn't have that.
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44. It skips a generation.
Your kids are gonna have it!
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45. Wow, you look beautiful.
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46. So do you. I mean, handsome.
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47. I mean...
Sorry. I'm just a little frazzled.
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48. I just spent way too much time
with our parents.
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49. Don't worry, OK?
We'll be alone soon, just us.
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50. Eating cheese and baguettes
by the Seine,
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51. feeding each other chocolate crepes.
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52. - Is something wrong?
- No, no! It's just that, well...
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53. There's been a slight change of plans.
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54. We're not going to Paris.
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55. - What? Why not?
- Because we're going somewhere better.
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56. - Better than Paris?
- Oh, yeah.
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57. Where? Tahiti?
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58. Nope! Fresno!
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59. Fresno!
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60. Fresno.
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61. In what universe is Fresno
better than Paris, Derek?
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62. In the "I've got an audition to become
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63. Channel 23's new
evening anchor" universe.
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64. Got the call from the general manager,
he wants me to come in immediately!
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65. - Isn't that great?
- Derek!
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66. That's...
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67. amazing! It's amazing.
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68. Fresno's a top 50 market, isn't it?
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69. It's 55th, but we're on our way, babe!
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70. Now, look. About Paris...
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71. It's OK. It's fine!
As long as we're together,
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72. Fresno is the most
romantic city in the whole world.
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73. - I'm so proud of you.
- Of us! Not just of me.
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74. I mean, of course, but we're a team now.
You're so proud of us.
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75. Now, get out of here.
It's bad luck to see me in my dress.
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76. Come on. You know
I don't believe in that stuff.
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77. I'll be waiting for you at the altar...
the handsome news anchor in the tux.
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78. Love you! There, I said it.
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79. I love you, too.
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80. Susan!
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81. Where could she be?
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82. Susan! Where are you?
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83. Susan! Where have you been?
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84. I think I just got hit by a meteorite.
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85. Oh, Susan. Every bride feels
that way on her wedding day.
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86. My goodness, look at you. You're filthy.
Thank God I have Wet Ones.
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87. Wow.
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88. You're glowing.
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89. Thank you.
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90. No. No, Susan, you're, like,
really glowing. You're green!
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91. Oh, no!
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92. Derek!
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93. Oh, my gosh!
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94. What's going on?
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95. - What's happening?
- You're all shrinking!
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96. Uh-uh! You're growing!
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97. - Well, make it stop!
- Get me the government!
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98. This is impossible!
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99. No, this can't be happening.
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100. Wait, wait. Everybody, it's OK!
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101. Have some champagne
while we're figuring this out!
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102. Thumbs! Thumbs!
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103. Derek! Help me!
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104. Sweet Lord!
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105. - Here comes the bride!
- Oh, Carl! It's her wedding day!
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106. Derek? Derek?
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107. Beam hurt Derek.
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108. - Susan?
- Thank goodness you're OK!
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109. What's happening to me?
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110. Don't panic! Don't worry!
Whatever you do, don't drop...
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111. - Derek!
- Sorry, sir.
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112. Who are you people?
What are you doing?
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113. Stop it! Be careful!
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114. Get your hands off me!
Don't you know who I am?
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115. Please, just leave me alone!
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116. Watch those cables!
She's coming down!
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117. Watch out!
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118. Move it, move it!
Let's go! Move it, move it!
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119. Pull, pull!
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120. Derek?
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121. All right, let's get
this baby on the bus.
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122. Honey, could you hit the snooze?
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123. Baby, why did you set the alarm?
We're on our honeymoon.
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124. Hello?
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125. What's going on?
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126. Hello?
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127. Is it just legs?
Did they capture a giant pair of legs?
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128. Silence, B.O.B.! She'll hear us!
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129. - How? Legs don't have ears.
- Just shush!
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130. Hello?
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131. Is there someone there?
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132. Could you tell me where I am?
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133. Hello? What was that?
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134. Hello.
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135. Will you stop...? Careful!
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136. Please, madam!
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137. Stop! Doing! That!
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138. Whatever mad scientist made you,
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139. he really went all out.
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140. You can talk.
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141. Hi, there!
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142. My back!
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143. Just kidding! I don't have a back!
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144. Forgive him, but as you can see,
he has no brain.
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145. Turns out you don't need one.
Totally overrated!
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146. As a matter of fact, I don't even...
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147. I forgot how to breathe!
Don't know how to breathe!
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148. Help me, Dr. Cockroach! Help!
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149. Suck in, B.O.B.
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150. Thanks, Doc. You're a lifesaver.
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151. Wow, look at you.
I know what you're thinking.
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152. First day in prison, you want to
take down the toughest guy in the yard.
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153. Well, I'd like to see you try.
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154. Ninja!
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155. - Gosh. Look, she's speechless.
- She?
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156. Yes, B.O.B.! We are in the presence
of the rare female monster.
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157. No way! It's a boy. Look at his boobies.
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158. We need to have a talk.
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159. Gentlemen, I'm afraid we are not making
a very good first impression.
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160. At least I'm talking.
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161. First new monster in years, we
couldn't get a wolf man or a mummy?
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162. Just, you know,
somebody to play cards with.
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163. Might we ask your name, madam?
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164. Susan.
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165. No, no, no. We mean your monster name.
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166. Like, what do people scream
when they see you coming?
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167. You know, like,
"Look out! Here comes...!"
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168. Susan.
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169. Really?
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170. Susan!
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171. I just scared myself. That is scary.
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172. Yes! Eat times.
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173. That is repulsive!
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174. An old slipper!
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175. Oh, please, God,
tell me this isn't real.
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176. Please tell me I had a nervous
breakdown at the wedding, and now I'm
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177. in a mental hospital on medication
that's giving me hallucinations.
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178. Don't scare Insectosaurus!
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179. He's gonna pee himself,
then we'll all be in trouble.
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180. Every room has a door!
There's gotta be a door here!
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181. It's OK, buddy. Don't worry about it.
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182. Who's a handsome bug, huh?
You like it when I rub your tummy?
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183. Please! Somebody!
I don't belong here!
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184. - Let me out!
- Hey, that is not a good idea.
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185. Let me out!
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186. Monsters, get back in your cells.
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187. Oh, thank goodness. A real person.
You are a real person, right?
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188. Not one of those
half-person, half-machine,
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189. you know, whatever
you call those things.
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190. - A cyborg?
- Oh, no! You're a cyborg?
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191. Madam, I assure you, I am not a cyborg.
The name is General W.R. Monger.
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192. I'm in charge of this facility.
Now, follow me.
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193. It is time for your orientation.
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194. In 1950, it was decided that Jane and
Joe Public could not handle the truth
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195. about monsters, and should focus on more
important things, like paying taxes.
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196. So the government convinced the world
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197. monsters were stuff of myth and legend
and then locked them in this facility.
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198. But I'm not a monster!
I'm just a regular person.
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199. I'm not a danger to anyone or anything.
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200. Don't let her get me!
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201. Sorry.
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202. - How long will I be here?
- Indefinitely.
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203. - Can I contact my parents?
- No.
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204. - Derek?
- Negative.
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205. - Do they know where I am?
- No, and they never will!
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206. This place is an X file,
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207. wrapped in a cover-up
and deep-fried in a paranoid conspiracy.
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208. There will be zero contact
with the outside world.
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209. seven, eight...
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210. 999...
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211. 1,000.
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212. I can't believe I did ten sets.
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213. Susan!
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214. You wouldn't happen to have
any uranium on you?
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215. I just need a smidge.
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216. Rescind Dr. Cockroach's toy box
privileges immediately.
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217. We had the prison psychologist
redecorate your cell.
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218. Try to keep you all calm-like.
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219. But I don't want a poster.
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220. I want a real kitten hanging
from a real tree.
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221. I want to go home.
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222. Come on, little Debbie, please
don't cry. It makes my knees hurt.
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223. Don't think of this as a prison.
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224. Think of it as a hotel you never leave
because it's locked from the outside!
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225. Oh, and one other thing.
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226. The government has changed
your name to Ginormica.
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227. Begin reanimation sequence.
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228. Who dares to wake me?
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229. Quantonium has been located on a
distant planet in the Omega Quadrant.
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230. The Omega Quadrant? Lame.
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231. The trajectory of the
Quantonium meteor
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232. has been traced to sector 72-4,
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233. the planet locally known as Earth.
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234. What a miserable-looking mud ball.
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235. Send a robot probe!
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236. Extract the Quantonium
with extreme prejudice.
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237. I want it all.
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238. Every last drop!
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239. Yes, Gallaxhar.
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240. Nothing can stand in my way now.
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241. Don't rush me, Katie!
I'm just not ready.
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242. Relax, Cuthbert.
It's just like dancing. I'll lead.
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243. Katie, I have a gymnastics
meet tomorrow. So maybe...
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244. Did you open the top?
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245. Thank goodness. It's the police.
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246. - We weren't doing anything, officer!
- Yeah, nothing at all.
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247. Jiminy!
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248. Why did I even let you talk me into
this? Maybe we should get out of here.
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249. - Or, maybe, we should go check it out.
- Katie, are you nuts?
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250. Wait! Don't leave me alone!
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251. No! My ankle!
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252. I think it's broken!
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253. Katie?
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254. This is the worst date ever.
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255. Katie, I'm frightened.
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256. It was first spotted at midnight last
night by a couple in romantic embrace.
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257. No one knows what it is
or where it came from.
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258. All branches of the military
were immediately mobilized.
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259. What is that, Henshaw?
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260. OK.
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261. I have just received word that
the president of the United States
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262. has arrived and will
attempt to make first contact.
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263. I must approach it alone.
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264. This is all about
peaceful communication.
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265. Yes, sir, Mr. President.
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266. Perimeter stable. Got a bead
on Papa Bear. All clear.
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267. - Let's go!
- Get out of the way!
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268. Set her down now. Here we go!
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269. Commander, do something violent!
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270. You heard the president! Light 'em up!
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271. We're getting pummeled here! Call in
air support! Call in air support!
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272. Call in... Call in a full retreat!
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273. Full retreat! Full retreat, all troops!
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274. - Wheels up. Papa Bear is on the move.
- Wait.
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275. So that's how you want to play it?
Eat lead, alien robot!
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276. - Evidently, they eat lead.
- Get him on the chopper.
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277. I'm brave! I'm a brave president!
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278. Get out of the way!
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279. - Sir! We need to declare a...
- We need to overthrow that robot
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280. - and install our own government!
- Let's sacrifice the elderly to it!
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281. - I say we invade it!
- The Earth only has two weeks left!
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282. If that thing walks into a populated
area there'll be a major catastrophe!
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283. We need our top scientific minds
on this. Get India on the phone!
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284. Can we transport the United States
to a safer planet?
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285. Give this alien a green card and
make him proud to be an American.
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286. It's at dire times like this when I stop
and ask myself, "What would Oprah do?"
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287. Hang it all! What's the point?
It's a disaster.
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288. - Stop! No!
- Don't do it!
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289. That button launches
our nuclear missiles!
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290. Well, which button gets me a latte?
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291. That would be the other one, sir.
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292. - What idiot designed this thing?
- You did, sir.
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293. - Fair enough. Wilson, fire somebody!
- Yes, sir, Mr. President.
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294. Listen up. I'm not going
to go down in history
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295. as the president who was in office
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296. when the world came to an end,
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297. so somebody think of something,
and think of it fast!
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298. - That is a good cup of joe.
- Mr. President?
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299. Not only do I have an idea,
but I have a plan!
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300. Now, conventional weapons
have no effect on this thing,
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301. - and we know nukes ain't an option.
- Sure they are. I just...
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302. - Don't do it! Stop!
- Wait!
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303. I'm not gonna kid you, Mr. President.
These are dark times.
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304. The odds are against us. We need a Hail
Mary pass. We need raw power! We need...
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305. monsters.
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306. Monsters! Of course! It's so simple!
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307. I... I'm not following you.
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308. Over the last 50 years, I have captured
monsters on the rampage,
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309. and locked them up
in a secret prison facility.
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310. So secret that the mere mention
of its name is a federal offense.
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311. Is he referring to Area Fifty...
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312. Mr. President,
say hello to Insectosaurus!
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313. Miss Ronson, please.
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314. Nuclear radiation turned him
from a small grub
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315. into a 350-foot-tall
monster that attacked Tokyo.
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316. Here we have the Missing Link.
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317. A 20,000-year-old frozen fish man
who was thawed out by scientists.
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318. He escaped and went on a rampage
in his old watering hole.
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319. This handsome fellow
is Dr. Cockroach, Ph.D.,
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320. the most brilliant man in the world.
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321. He invented a scientific machine
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322. that would give humans
the cockroach's ability to survive.
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323. Unfortunately, there was a side effect.
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324. Now, we call this thing B.O.B.
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325. Will someone get her out of here?
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326. Thank you.
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327. A genetically altered tomato was
combined with a chemically altered
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328. ranch-flavored dessert topping
at a snack food plant.
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329. The resulting goop
gained consciousness,
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330. and became an
indestructible gelatinous mass.
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331. And, our latest addition, Ginormica.
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332. General, continue.
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333. Her entire body radiates
with pure energy,
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334. giving her enormous strength and size.
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335. Sir, these monsters are our best
and only chance to defeat that robot.
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336. Don't we already have
an alien problem, General?
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337. I don't think we need
a monster problem, too.
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338. You got a better idea, nerd?
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339. OK. Stay where you are.
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340. General, I propose we go forward
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341. with your monsters-versus-aliens
idea... thingy.
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342. Go fish.
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343. Do you...
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344. have any...
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345. threes?
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346. Yes. I do! How are you doing this?
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347. - You're the luckiest guy I know.
- Luck ain't got nothin' to do with it.
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348. What the...? Hey!
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349. They called me crazy,
but I'll show them. I'll show them all!
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350. Doctor, I'd prefer you didn't do
your mad scientist laugh
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351. while I'm hooked up to this machine.
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352. You're right, Insecto.
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353. You've let that quack experiment
on you for over a month.
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354. I'm not a quack! I'm a mad scientist!
There is a difference.
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355. Guys, what choice do I have? If he can
make me normal, or even six foot eight,
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356. I can get out of here, get back
to the life I'm supposed to have.
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357. - I should be in...
- Let me guess, Fresno?
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358. Well, Fresno is just a stepping stone.
Next stop, Milwaukee.
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359. - Then New York, then hopefully...
- Yeah, we know. Paris.
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360. Throw the switch, Doctor,
but don't do the laugh.
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361. Now you're going to feel
a slight pinch in the brain.
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362. Sorry.
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363. Susan!
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364. Am I small again?
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365. I'm afraid not, my dear.
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366. In fact, you may actually
have grown a couple of feet.
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367. That's OK, Doc.
We'll try again tomorrow.
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368. You really don't get it, do you?
No monster has ever gotten out of here!
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369. That's not true! The Invisible Man did.
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370. No, he didn't. We just told you that
so you wouldn't get upset.
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371. He died of a heart attack 25 years ago.
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372. No!
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373. Yeah... in that very chair.
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374. He's still there.
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375. You see what I'm saying? Nobody's
leaving. Nobody's ever getting out.
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376. Good news, monsters! You're getting out!
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377. Until today.
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378. So let me get this straight, Monger.
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379. You want us to fight an alien robot.
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380. And, in exchange,
the president of these United States
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381. authorized me to grant you
your freedom.
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382. I can't believe it!
Soon, I'll be back in Derek's arms...
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383. or he'll be in mine.
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384. I can't wait for spring break
back at Cocoa Beach, just
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385. freaking everybody out.
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386. And I'll go back to my lab
and finally finish my experiments.
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387. No! That's me, B.O.B.
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388. - Then I'll be a really giant lady.
- That's Susan, B.O.B.
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389. Fine. Then I'll go back to Modesto
and be with Derek.
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390. That's still Susan, B.O.B.
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391. I think I, at least,
deserve a chance to be with Derek!
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392. All right, let's go!
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393. Everybody move in an orderly fashion!
This is an emergency!
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394. We are evacuating the city!
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395. Exact change is appreciated,
but not necessary!
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396. Let's move out!
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397. This is San Francisco!
This isn't far from my home!
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398. Feel the wind on your antennae.
Isn't this wonderful?
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399. I haven't been outside in 50 years.
It's amazing out here!
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400. It's hotter than I remember.
Has the Earth gotten warmer?
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401. That'd be great to know.
That would be a very convenient truth.
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402. - Now that's a robot!
- It's huge.
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403. Try not to damage it too much.
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404. I might want to bring it
back to the farm!
Copy !req
405. No, no, no, wait! You didn't say
anything about it being huge!
Copy !req
406. Wait! No! Don't leave!
Copy !req
407. I think he sees us.
Copy !req
408. Hello! Hi! How you doing?
Copy !req
409. Welcome! We are here to destroy you!
Copy !req
410. I can't fight that thing.
I can't even... I've never...
Copy !req
411. I'm hyperventilating.
Does anybody have a giant paper bag?
Copy !req
412. Relax.
Copy !req
413. Old Link's got this under control.
Copy !req
414. Hide in the city, Susan.
You'll be safe there.
Copy !req
415. But stay away from the Tenderloin!
It's a little dicey!
Copy !req
416. Finally, some action.
I'm gonna turn that oversized tin can
Copy !req
417. into a really dented oversized tin can.
Copy !req
418. OK! Does anybody have
a 20 on Insectosaurus?
Copy !req
419. Wow!
Would you look at the size of that...
Copy !req
420. Foot!
Copy !req
421. I got him, you guys! I got...
Copy !req
422. Don't worry, I won't let go!
I'm wearing him down!
Copy !req
423. Please tell me he's slowing down!
Copy !req
424. Get to the city, Link.
I'll catch up with you as soon as I can.
Copy !req
425. Or maybe you'll have to
catch up with me.
Copy !req
426. Oh, no! No, no, no!
Copy !req
427. OK, OK. I got this.
Copy !req
428. Yep, that hurt.
Copy !req
429. Get in! I have a plan!
Copy !req
430. Hot dogs!
Copy !req
431. All right, Link, I'm going to pull up
alongside it! You get up in there,
Copy !req
432. get to its
central processing unit, and...
Copy !req
433. - Hey, guys, catch me!
- No!
Copy !req
434. Let's go, let's go! Keep it moving!
Copy !req
435. Hey! No honking!
Copy !req
436. Excuse me! Coming through!
On your right! No control!
Copy !req
437. Oh, no.
Copy !req
438. OK! It's going to be OK!
Look, I'm gonna get you out of there!
Copy !req
439. Hold on a second!
We have to get off the bridge before...
Copy !req
440. No, no, no! Get away from me!
Copy !req
441. Coming through! Watch it!
Copy !req
442. Hey, furball, where you been?
Copy !req
443. Yeah, I know.
Papa's a little out of shape.
Copy !req
444. Excuse me! He's trying to kill me!
Why is it doing that? Why would it...
Copy !req
445. Wow.
Copy !req
446. - Wow. You're doing great!
- I'm doing everything!
Copy !req
447. Not for long. Come on, you guys.
Let's take this thing down!
Copy !req
448. A deflector shield. Typical.
Copy !req
449. You can't crush a cockroach!
Copy !req
450. Right, right.
Copy !req
451. Here we go.
Copy !req
452. Insectosaurus!
Copy !req
453. Insectosaurus!
Copy !req
454. - B.O.B.!
- What?
Copy !req
455. - Help me!
- Sorry.
Copy !req
456. - I was staring at this bird over there.
- Get these people off the bridge!
Copy !req
457. Got it.
Copy !req
458. No, B.O.B.!
Move the dividers!
Copy !req
459. Oh, yeah, you're right. My bad.
Copy !req
460. Go, go, go, go!
Copy !req
461. Link!
Copy !req
462. Oh, I don't feel good.
Copy !req
463. OK. Susan, you can do this.
Copy !req
464. All right. Let's take this thing down.
Copy !req
465. Retrieval has failed.
Copy !req
466. Don't get upset.
It happens to everyone.
Copy !req
467. That lower life form thinks
she can steal my Quantonium?
Copy !req
468. Send another probe at once!
Copy !req
469. Quantonium cannot
be retrieved via robot.
Copy !req
470. Carbon-based life form, locally known
as Susan, is now too strong.
Copy !req
471. Oh, you think because
you're all big and strong
Copy !req
472. and you can destroy my robot probe
Copy !req
473. that you're gonna send me
running and hiding?
Copy !req
474. My days of running and hiding are over!
Copy !req
475. Computer, set a course to Earth.
Copy !req
476. I will retrieve the Quantonium myself,
Copy !req
477. even if I need to rip it out of her body
Copy !req
478. one cell at a time!
Copy !req
479. Careful, it's hot.
Copy !req
480. Three weeks ago, if you had asked me
to defeat a giant alien robot,
Copy !req
481. I'd have said, "No can do."
But I did it! Me!
Copy !req
482. I'm still buzzing.
Copy !req
483. Did you see how strong I was? Probably
isn't a jar in this world I can't open.
Copy !req
484. You were positively heroic, my dear.
Copy !req
485. I especially loved how you
saved those people on the bridge.
Copy !req
486. It was a nice touch.
Wasn't she amazing, Link?
Copy !req
487. Yeah, she was great.
Really cool. Loved it.
Copy !req
488. Oh, poor Link.
Copy !req
489. After all that tough talk,
you were out-monstered by a girl.
Copy !req
490. - No wonder you're depressed.
- Hey, I'm not depressed. I'm tired.
Copy !req
491. Why are you tired?
You didn't do anything.
Copy !req
492. Well, I haven't been sleeping well.
Copy !req
493. I got sleep apnes... apnea.
Whatever. It's not fun.
Copy !req
494. So Link's a little rusty...
I mean, sleep deprived.
Copy !req
495. You'll be back
to your old self in no time.
Copy !req
496. And so will I.
Copy !req
497. What happened to the "there isn't
a jar in the world I can't open" stuff?
Copy !req
498. Wait. Did you find a jar
you couldn't open? Were pickles in it?
Copy !req
499. - Where's the giant jar of pickles?
- What my associate is trying to say
Copy !req
500. is that we all think the
new Susan is the "cat's me-wow."
Copy !req
501. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
502. Thanks, you guys. That is so sweet,
Copy !req
503. but I have a normal life
waiting for me. You know?
Copy !req
504. So, tell me, exactly, how this normal
life thing works with you being giant.
Copy !req
505. I'm not gonna be a giant forever.
Copy !req
506. Derek won't rest
until we've found a cure for my...
Copy !req
507. condition. We're a team.
Copy !req
508. We could all do with a Derek. Perhaps,
someday, we could make his acquaintance!
Copy !req
509. Really? You guys want to meet Derek?
Copy !req
510. First stop, Modesto!
Copy !req
511. Ginormica, I called your family
to let them know you were coming home.
Copy !req
512. Now, I also called the Modesto PD
and told them not to shoot at you.
Copy !req
513. Thanks, General.
Copy !req
514. OK, remember,
these people aren't used to seeing...
Copy !req
515. anything like...
Copy !req
516. you, or you...
Copy !req
517. or you.
Copy !req
518. So just be, you know, cool.
Just be... you know...
Copy !req
519. Follow my lead.
Copy !req
520. Stop! That was an accident!
Copy !req
521. Don't destroy anything!
Copy !req
522. Susan?
Copy !req
523. - Susie Q!
- Mom? Daddy?
Copy !req
524. - Did they experiment on you?
- No, Mom. I'm fine.
Copy !req
525. It's OK. They're with me.
Copy !req
526. These are my new friends.
Copy !req
527. Oh, Derek! I missed you so much,
Copy !req
528. thinking that we'd
someday be together again!
Copy !req
529. It's the only thing that got me through
prison! I love you! I love this man!
Copy !req
530. No, B.O.B.! That's my mother!
You're suffocating her!
Copy !req
531. Honey, are you all right?
Copy !req
532. - I taste ham.
- Sorry, Mom.
Copy !req
533. He's just a hugger.
Copy !req
534. Where's Derek?
Copy !req
535. He's at work, sweetie.
Copy !req
536. You know how he is about his career.
Copy !req
537. - We're not gonna celebrate without him!
- Susan!
Copy !req
538. What do I do
with all your little friends?
Copy !req
539. Just put out some snacks!
They'll eat anything!
Copy !req
540. Ambrosia!
Copy !req
541. How's it going?
Copy !req
542. Qué pasa, girlfriend?
Copy !req
543. Way to cut up a rug, Insecto!
Copy !req
544. Who wants to go
for a swim with the Link?
Copy !req
545. Hi. I'm Benzoate-Ostylezene-Bicarbonate.
Copy !req
546. Or you can call me "B.O.B.",
whichever's easier.
Copy !req
547. Did I come on too strong? I'm sorry.
Copy !req
548. I'm a little rusty.
I've been in prison my whole life.
Copy !req
549. Why'd I mention prison?
Copy !req
550. I didn't mean to scare you.
I'm just going to go.
Copy !req
551. I feel so stupid.
Copy !req
552. All right, everyone, just stay calm.
Whatever you do, do not provoke them.
Copy !req
553. Anyone care for an Atomic Gin Fizz?
It's got quite a...
Copy !req
554. kick.
Copy !req
555. Chlorine! Chlorine in my eyes!
Copy !req
556. - They're turning on us!
- Everyone run for your lives!
Copy !req
557. What are they running away from?
Copy !req
558. That's hilarious, Jim.
Copy !req
559. That's exactly the kind of
down-home country humor
Copy !req
560. I'm gonna miss when I'm in Fresno.
Copy !req
561. This is Derek Dietl,
signing off for the very last time.
Copy !req
562. - Good night, Modesto!
- Channel 172.
Copy !req
563. And cut.
Copy !req
564. Did you like that sign off?
Just made it up.
Copy !req
565. Oh, my goodness.
Copy !req
566. Wait, wait, wait! But, but...!
Copy !req
567. Oh, Derek. You wouldn't
believe my last three weeks!
Copy !req
568. Thinking about you was
the only thing that kept me sane.
Copy !req
569. - Can't breathe! Ribs collapsing!
- Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry!
Copy !req
570. Oh, my goodness. Is that better?
Copy !req
571. OK. OK.
Copy !req
572. I'm still kind of getting used to
my new strength.
Copy !req
573. Wow! You really are big!
Copy !req
574. Yeah, but I'm still me. I'm still
the same girl you fell in love with.
Copy !req
575. Except you did just destroy
the Golden Gate Bridge.
Copy !req
576. But that was the only way
I could stop that giant robot!
Copy !req
577. You ever think I could do
something like that?
Copy !req
578. No, I didn't. I can honestly say
it never, ever, ever, ever,
Copy !req
579. ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever occurred to me.
Copy !req
580. Look, I know this is a little weird.
Copy !req
581. OK, it's a lot weird,
but we'll figure it out.
Copy !req
582. I know that, together, we can find
a way to get me back to normal.
Copy !req
583. Susan, try and look at this
from my perspective.
Copy !req
584. I have an audience
that depends on me for news,
Copy !req
585. weather, sports
and heart-warming fluff pieces.
Copy !req
586. You expect me to put all that on hold
Copy !req
587. while you try to undo
this thing that happened to you?
Copy !req
588. That I had absolutely
nothing to do with?
Copy !req
589. Yes. That's exactly what I expect.
Copy !req
590. What about the life we always
talked about? Don't you still want that?
Copy !req
591. Of course. I just...
Copy !req
592. don't see how
I can have that with you.
Copy !req
593. Derek, please, don't do this.
Copy !req
594. You have to face facts, Susan.
Copy !req
595. Don't crush me for saying this,
but I'm not looking to get married
Copy !req
596. and spend the rest of my life
in someone else's shadow.
Copy !req
597. And you're casting a pretty big shadow.
Copy !req
598. I'm sorry. It's over.
Copy !req
599. Good luck, Susan.
Copy !req
600. Wow! What a shindig!
Copy !req
601. Your parents really know
how to throw it down.
Copy !req
602. What? No, that was a great party,
Copy !req
603. one of the best I've been to
since I got out of prison.
Copy !req
604. I must have been at a different party,
Copy !req
605. 'cause that's not
how I interpreted it at all.
Copy !req
606. I don't think your parents liked me, and
that JELL-O gave me a fake phone number.
Copy !req
607. Well, at least the garbage was free.
You know? I mean...
Copy !req
608. Ah, who are we kidding?
We could save every city on the planet,
Copy !req
609. and they'd still treat us the same way
they've always treated us...
Copy !req
610. like monsters.
Copy !req
611. Right. Monsters.
Copy !req
612. Anyway, how is Derek?
Copy !req
613. Derek is a selfish jerk.
Copy !req
614. - No!
- Yes.
Copy !req
615. All that talk about "us."
"I'm so proud of us."
Copy !req
616. "Us just got a job in Fresno."
There's no "us."
Copy !req
617. There was only Derek. Why did I have to
get hit by a meteor to see that?
Copy !req
618. I was such an idiot!
Copy !req
619. Why did I ever think life with Derek
would be so great, anyway?
Copy !req
620. I mean, look at all the stuff
I've done without him.
Copy !req
621. Fighting an alien robot?
That was me, not him.
Copy !req
622. And that was amazing!
Meeting you guys? Amazing.
Copy !req
623. Dr. Cockroach, you can crawl up walls
Copy !req
624. and build a supercomputer out of a
pizza box, two cans of hairspray, and...
Copy !req
625. - A paper clip!
- Amazing!
Copy !req
626. And you! You hardly need an
introduction. You're the Missing Link!
Copy !req
627. You personally carried
250 co-eds off of Cocoa Beach,
Copy !req
628. and still had strength
to fight off the National Guard!
Copy !req
629. And the Coast Guard
and, also, the lifeguard.
Copy !req
630. Amazing!
Copy !req
631. B.O.B.! Who else could fall
Copy !req
632. from unimaginable heights
and end up without a single scratch?
Copy !req
633. - Link?
- You.
Copy !req
634. Amazing!
Copy !req
635. Good point, Insecto!
Susan, don't short-change yourself!
Copy !req
636. Oh, I'm not going to
short-change myself ever again!
Copy !req
637. - Testify!
- Yeah.
Copy !req
638. Oh, yes.
Copy !req
639. Susan!
Copy !req
640. Way to go, Insecto!
Copy !req
641. Insecto, look out!
Copy !req
642. Insectosaurus! No!
Copy !req
643. You're gonna make it.
Copy !req
644. It's going to be all right. Look at me.
Copy !req
645. Don't you close those eyes.
Don't you dare close those eyes.
Copy !req
646. You can't...
Copy !req
647. You must be terrified.
Copy !req
648. You wake up in a strange place,
wearing strange clothes,
Copy !req
649. imprisoned by a strange being
floating on a strange hovering device.
Copy !req
650. Strange, isn't it?
Copy !req
651. Hardly. It's not the first time.
Copy !req
652. Wow. You really get around.
Copy !req
653. To the extraction chamber!
Copy !req
654. Look. What is it that you want from me?
Copy !req
655. You have stolen what is rightfully mine!
Copy !req
656. I didn't steal anything from you.
Copy !req
657. Your enormous, grotesque body
contains Quantonium,
Copy !req
658. the most powerful substance
in the universe.
Copy !req
659. Did you really think
you could keep it from me?
Copy !req
660. That's what this is all about?
Copy !req
661. You destroyed San Francisco,
you terrified millions of people...
Copy !req
662. you killed my friend,
just to get to me?
Copy !req
663. Silence!
Your voice is grating on my ear nubs.
Copy !req
664. It's a shame you won't be around to see
what the power of Quantonium
Copy !req
665. can do in the tentacles
of someone who knows how to use it!
Copy !req
666. I know how to use it just fine!
Copy !req
667. Don't bother.
That force field is impenetrab...
Copy !req
668. What the Flagnard?
Copy !req
669. That should stop your puny...
Copy !req
670. Computer, close door, hangar two!
Copy !req
671. Close door, hangar three!
Copy !req
672. Door, hangar four!
Copy !req
673. Close them all!
Copy !req
674. Computer, begin extraction!
Copy !req
675. Finally, I can rebuild my
civilization on a new planet.
Copy !req
676. Any thoughts on where
I should set up shop?
Copy !req
677. Your planet, perhaps?
Copy !req
678. You keep your
slimy tentacles off my planet!
Copy !req
679. If you wanted to stop me,
you should have done it
Copy !req
680. when you possessed the Quantonium!
Copy !req
681. Now you're nothing.
Copy !req
682. There are innocent people
down there who didn't do anything!
Copy !req
683. There were innocent people on my
home planet before it was destroyed.
Copy !req
684. - I'm sorry your planet was destroyed.
- Oh, don't be.
Copy !req
685. I'm the one who destroyed it. Confused?
Copy !req
686. After I reveal my tale to you,
everything will become crystal clear.
Copy !req
687. Computer, initialize cloning machine.
Copy !req
688. Yes, Gallaxhar.
Copy !req
689. Many zentons ago,
when I was but a squidling,
Copy !req
690. I found out my parents were...
Copy !req
691. No child should ever
have to endure that!
Copy !req
692. So I went on the road with a giant...
Copy !req
693. And soon thereafter was married!
Copy !req
694. Things were going well,
until she wanted to...
Copy !req
695. And then I was all, "No way!", and she
was all, "Yes, way," and I was like...
Copy !req
696. But I've told you too much already!
Copy !req
697. Let the birth of my new planet,
now called...
Copy !req
698. "Gallaxhar's Planet" begin!
Copy !req
699. Once again,
a UFO has landed in America,
Copy !req
700. the only country UFO's
ever seem to land in.
Copy !req
701. Excuse me. What's that, Henshaw?
Copy !req
702. Okey-dokey.
Copy !req
703. We now take you, live, to a transmission
from the alien spacecraft.
Copy !req
704. Humans of Earth, I have come in peace.
Copy !req
705. You need not fear me.
I mean you no harm.
Copy !req
706. However, it is important to note most of
you will not survive the next 24 hours.
Copy !req
707. And those who do survive will be
enslaved and experimented on.
Copy !req
708. You should in no way
take any of this personally.
Copy !req
709. It's just business. So just to recap:
Copy !req
710. I come in peace, I mean you no harm
and you all will die. Gallaxhar out.
Copy !req
711. OK, boys, set the terror level
Copy !req
712. at code brown
'cause I need to change my pants.
Copy !req
713. - What're we gonna do now, Doc?
- I...
Copy !req
714. I don't know.
Copy !req
715. I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We're not gonna let Insecto die in vain.
Copy !req
716. We're gonna get up there, find Susan,
and we're gonna take that alien down!
Copy !req
717. All right, you got enough juice
in those jetpacks to get up there,
Copy !req
718. but not enough to make it home.
Copy !req
719. I'll come get you if I can.
If I don't, it means I'm dead. Or late.
Copy !req
720. I've been your warden
for close to 50 years.
Copy !req
721. That's no longer the case.
Copy !req
722. For what it's worth...
Copy !req
723. - That's rude. What did we do?
- No, B.O.B., that's not rude.
Copy !req
724. That's a sign of respect.
Copy !req
725. General, it's targeting us!
Copy !req
726. That's the idea, Lieutenant.
Hold your course.
Copy !req
727. Steady.
Copy !req
728. Steady.
Copy !req
729. Hard right! Hard right!
Copy !req
730. I can't shake it!
Copy !req
731. Hang on to your socks!
We're going for a ride!
Copy !req
732. That's why I always
wear a parachute, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
733. You can let go of me now, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
734. Who are you signaling?
We're right here.
Copy !req
735. Hey, zip it!
Copy !req
736. Clone!
Copy !req
737. - Hail Gallaxhar!
- No, not all of you. You, there.
Copy !req
738. How do I do this? Three back.
Copy !req
739. No, no, no, no. That guy next to you.
The one I'm pointing at!
Copy !req
740. You! The one...
Copy !req
741. You, clone! Yes! Good!
Copy !req
742. Take the prisoner to the incinerator.
Copy !req
743. She's useless to us now.
Copy !req
744. - Hail Gallaxhar.
- Hail me.
Copy !req
745. Wow. Ginormica ain't so...
"ginormic" anymore.
Copy !req
746. How are we supposed to get to her?
Copy !req
747. There's too many of them.
It's impossible.
Copy !req
748. I may not have a brain, gentlemen,
but I have an idea.
Copy !req
749. This is not going to work.
Copy !req
750. Halt!
Copy !req
751. I... Gallaxhar, command you
to hand over the prisoner this instant.
Copy !req
752. Clearly, you are defective
beyond repair.
Copy !req
753. Guards, take this defective clone
to the incinerator!
Copy !req
754. Well, what are you waiting for?
You and you!
Copy !req
755. - Seriously?
- Yes! Take the prisoner
Copy !req
756. and the defective clone
to the incinerator!
Copy !req
757. - Of course, sir.
- Here's a security pass, just in case.
Copy !req
758. - Would you like a gun?
- Yes, I would.
Copy !req
759. Hey, guys, look.
Copy !req
760. OK.
Copy !req
761. I can't believe you guys
came to save me. Thank you.
Copy !req
762. Don't mention it.
We monsters got to stick together.
Copy !req
763. But I'm not a monster anymore.
I'm just me.
Copy !req
764. My dear, no matter what your size,
you'll always be...
Copy !req
765. nothing but a filthy,
carbon-based life form!
Copy !req
766. Hail Gallaxhar!
Copy !req
767. Hail Gallaxhar.
Copy !req
768. These disguises are the bomb!
Copy !req
769. That's it! Follow me.
Copy !req
770. - The only way to save the Earth...
- Hail Gallaxhar!
Copy !req
771. Hail Gallaxhar. The only way...
Copy !req
772. - Hail Gallaxhar!
- Hail Gallaxhar.
Copy !req
773. to save the Earth
is to blow up this ship...
Copy !req
774. - Hail Gallaxhar!
- Hail Gallaxhar.
Copy !req
775. - ... before the invasion starts.
- How are we gonna do this?
Copy !req
776. We need to find the main power core.
Copy !req
777. Excuse me, could you direct us
to the main power core?
Copy !req
778. Gladly. It's right there,
above the extraction chamber.
Copy !req
779. Thank you very much. Hail Gallaxhar.
Copy !req
780. - Watch out!
- Look out, brainless!
Copy !req
781. Give me that thing!
Copy !req
782. A weapon like this needs to be
in the hands of someone responsible.
Copy !req
783. What?
Copy !req
784. Hail Gallaxhar?
Copy !req
785. Monsters!
Copy !req
786. - Monsters.
- Monsters?
Copy !req
787. Attention, all aliens!
Destroy all monsters!
Copy !req
788. You want some of this?
Copy !req
789. Ninja!
Copy !req
790. You want to hurt my friends,
you'll have to go through me!
Copy !req
791. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
792. Susan!
Copy !req
793. I can't believe we made it!
Copy !req
794. O... M... G.
Copy !req
795. Intruder.
Copy !req
796. You'll never figure out my color code.
Copy !req
797. A hexadecimal color code system.
Copy !req
798. This won't be but a moment.
Copy !req
799. Red, green, blue,
yellow, orange, baby blue,
Copy !req
800. purple, pink, mauve, gold,
brown, mocha, avocado, adobe gold!
Copy !req
801. Doc, come on, dance!
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802. Your busted, tired dance moves
are no match for my security protocols.
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803. - We can't hold them off much longer!
- One thing you don't know about me!
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804. My Ph.D... is in...
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805. dance! Dance! Dance!
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806. Security protocol breached.
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807. Ship has been set to self-destruct.
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808. Total annihilation
in T-minus six minutes.
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809. - Well, launch the invasion then!
- Invasion no longer possible.
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810. Oh, space balls!
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811. Divert the Quantonium to the bridge,
and prepare my escape capsule!
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812. Look at that! They're all
running scared! Monsters win!
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813. I don't think
that's why they're running.
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814. Ship will self-destruct
in T-minus five minutes.
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815. Hail Gallaxhar!
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816. We're not gonna make it!
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817. Hang on!
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818. Keep going!
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819. It's no use. It won't budge.
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820. If I was still Ginormica,
I could do this!
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821. Get out of here
while you still got the chance!
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822. No! Don't say that.
I'm not leaving you guys.
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823. Yes, you are.
Rendezvous with Monger.
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824. He's outside the ship, waiting for you.
Go while there's still time.
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825. Ship will self-destruct
in T-minus four minutes.
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826. Don't you worry about us, Susan.
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827. You finally have a chance
to get your old life back.
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828. I don't want my old life back.
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829. They think they've stopped me?
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830. They've stopped nothing.
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831. Female carbon-based life form,
or Susan, not contained.
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832. What?
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833. Attention, robot probes!
Crush the earthling!
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834. Robot bay has been destroyed.
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835. Fire phasoid cannon!
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836. Are you crazy?
You could have killed me!
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837. Then we understand each other.
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838. Now, open the doors
and let my friends go.
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839. Or what?
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840. You don't actually think
you're a match for me, do you?
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841. Quantonium has been
successfully diverted to the bridge.
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842. Escape capsule ready for transport.
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843. Like I told you before,
you should have defeated me
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844. when you had the Quantonium.
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845. Have fun exploding!
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846. - Now open the doors.
- Even if I wanted to, I couldn't!
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847. That's what happens
when you set a ship to self-destruct!
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848. Now we're all going to die!
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849. And there's nothing
you can do about it, Susan!
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850. I wouldn't be so sure.
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851. And the name is Ginormica.
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852. Total annihilation
in T-minus one minute.
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853. - It's been an honor knowing you, Doc.
- The feeling's mutual.
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854. I'll see you guys tomorrow for lunch.
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855. That's right, B.O.B.
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856. And there'll be candy
and cake and balloons.
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857. Cake and balloons for lunch? It's gonna
be the best day ever! I love you guys!
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858. By Hawking's chair!
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859. Total annihilation
in T-minus 30 seconds.
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860. - Where's Monger?
- He's supposed to be here!
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861. He said the only reason he wouldn't
be here is if he was dead!
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862. Or late!
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863. Insectosaurus? You're alive!
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864. And you're a... butterfly!
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865. Eight...
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866. seven...
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867. six...
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868. five...
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869. four...
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870. - ... three... two...
- Come on, come on!
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871. one.
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872. Nothing happened. Maybe my count was...
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873. There they are!
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874. Here they come!
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875. Yeah!
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876. Oh, great.
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877. Oh, boy.
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878. - Susie Q!
- Daddy!
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879. Oh, Susan. Ever since you were a baby,
I knew that someday...
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880. you would, you know, save the Earth
from an invasion from outer space.
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881. Thank you, but it wasn't just me, Mom.
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882. Excuse me! Hello!
Coming through! How are you?
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883. - Susan!
- Derek?
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884. Baby, I thought long and hard
about what happened between us.
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885. And I want you to know...
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886. I forgive you.
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887. You forgive me?
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888. Of course. It wasn't your fault you got
hit by a meteor and ruined everything.
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889. And you know what?
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890. I say maybe you didn't ruin everything.
I just got a call from New York.
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891. They offered me network.
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892. All I have to do is get
an exclusive interview from you.
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893. - Really?
- Yeah.
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894. I get my dream job
and you get your dream guy.
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895. It's a win-win for Team Dietl.
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896. Derek...
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897. that's amazing.
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898. - Is the camera rolling?
- Absolutely.
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899. Good. Because I wouldn't want
your fans to miss this.
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900. This is Susan Murphy, saying,
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901. "Goodbye, Derek!"
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902. B.O.B., could you...?
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903. Derek, you are a selfish jerk,
and guess what?
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904. I've met someone else.
She's lime green.
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905. She has 14 little chunks
of pineapple inside her,
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906. and she's everything
I deserve in life!
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907. I'm happy now, Derek, without you!
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908. It's over!
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909. Turn it off.
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910. Monsters, I'm so proud of you,
I could cry,
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911. if I hadn't lost my tear ducts
in the war.
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912. But not crying will have to wait.
The world needs you again.
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913. What is it, General?
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914. Seems a snail fell into
a French nuclear reactor.
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915. As we speak, Escargantua
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916. is slowly making its way to Paris.
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917. Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris.
Now who's with me?
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918. What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?
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919. We're in.
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920. - I'm in!
- Count me in, too.
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921. Au revoir, sweetie!
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922. - Have a safe flight!
- Yeah, and hang on!
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923. Goodbye, Derek!
Good luck getting over me.
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924. B.O.B., it's me
he's never going to get over.
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925. Wait, wait! You were dating Derek too?
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926. That two-timing jerk!
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927. Everyone, let's welcome my new chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff,
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928. General W.R. Monger!
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929. Thank you, Mr. President. What a
great way to celebrate my 90th birthday.
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930. Very good, Warren. All right.
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931. Let's get it started in here
Nerd?
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932. Gentlemen, I have assembled
a preliminary budget estimate
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933. for the rebuilding of San Francisco.
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934. Zoinkers. This is going
to be a boring one.
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935. Good time for a cup of joe.
Warren, how do you take it?
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936. Hit me with a double venti
organic chocolate brownie
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937. caramel Frappuccino, extra hot,
with one inch of foam...
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938. - ... non-fat.
- You got it! Black it is.
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939. Don't do it!
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940. Wait!
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941. My God, man! What have you done?
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942. Time to wave the white flag
and head for the bunker.
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943. Let's check on the situation
in 500 years.
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944. Who wants to freeze my head?
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