- 1. That's how we do it in the hood.
- 2. [boy 2]
That is not how we do it in the hood.
- 3. - [boy 1] Now come up here.
- 4. Always ignoring
the "no trespassing" signs.
- 5. What are you talking about?
We didn't even see 'em.
- 6. [boy 2] Scary, man.
- 7. Bing, I think I'm gonna die.
- 8. - [boy 1] We've got, like, six more.
- Are you fucking serious?
- 9. We have a long way to go.
We're not even halfway.
- 10. Okay, let's do it. Let's go up.
We're already going up. Come on, Kyle.
- 11. - No, I'm not going up. We're going down.
- [boy 2] You guys just called me a pussy.
- 12. We're going right back down.
- 13. Now that I got the - Come on!
I just got the courage to do this.
- 14. We're going down.
It's over. I'm bailing out.
- 15. - Okay, I am with you. I don't want to die.
- L wanna go, but it's so scary.
- 16. [boy 1] Your whole life, society tells you
like, "Oh, be a man!" and "You're strong!"
- 17. And "You're tough!"
and "Margaritas are gay!"
- 18. You know, like - You don't grow up
thinking that's the way you are.
- 19. When you're a kid, you just do.
You just act.
- 20. And then somewhere along the line,
everyone loses that.
- 21. I really wanted to clean up
before you came over.
- 22. I actually spend, like, the majority
of my time here alone.
- 23. - Why do you think that is?
- Let's go downstairs.
- 24. It's mainly just because I always felt
like I didn't fit in with my family.
- 25. It seems like they don't understand
why I skateboarded in the first place.
- 26. - Do not shoot that at my house!
- 27. Sorry. I won't.
- 28. See, this is why we're not allowed
to go anywhere, is this right here.
- 29. - Oh! Oh! Oh!
- 30. lf you go behind - lf you go behind
a tree, you're okay. You've got cover.
- 31. Are you gonna put me smoking weed
in the thing?
- 32. Maybe. I don't think just to do it.
- 33. I've given you free range.
I mean, I have no stipulations.
- 34. I've always needed more out of life,
more out of where I was.
- 35. You know, my parents ran
this very controlling house,
- 36. and so I ran away a lot.
- 37. By, like, 16, I was no longer
living with my parents, like at all.
- 38. I just wanted to fucking skate.
- 39. Whoa!
- 40. You ready for some
fucking intense action? Take one.
- 41. No!
- 42. I see that thing in there
moving around, Bing.
- 43. I know you're playing
with my face or something.
- 44. Stop filming, or he's going to crash.
- 45. Somebody film! Somebody film!
- 46. Oh, my God.
- 47. Oh, shit! There's the cops.
- 48. - Ah!
- No, don't do it hard!
- 49. - Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! Ow!
- 50. Dude, I'm, like, bleeding!
It's, like, in it.
- 51. How long have you known Keire?
- 52. Man, I wanna say
when I met Keire, he was, like, 11.
- 53. He'd ride the bus to the park and then
he'd pretty much be stuck at the park.
- 54. He'd have to ask everyone for money
so he could get enough for the bus home.
- 55. Well, I remember the first time I met him.
- 56. I was standing where the bikers transfer,
- 57. and this dude hit me,
like, right in the ribs with his pegs.
- 58. And I remember Zack,
he just starts screaming at this kid.
- 59. "I'm gonna fucking beat your ass!"
Like, blah, blah, blah!
- 60. So I was like,
"I want to be like that guy."
- 61. Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- 62. What did you think of me
when we were growing up
- 63. and I was filming all of us?
- 64. I always thought it was cool
- 65. how you can put all these
different moments into one long video
- 66. and just make it
seem like the best time ever.
- 67. God, no! You've been filming
the whole time?
- 68. I thought you were, like,
taking a picture.
- 69. Ah!
- 70. It's just like he touched...
- 71. She just drove by and didn't even care!
- 72. God! Yes, yes!
- 73. Fuck, yeah! Whoo!
- 74. Skateboarding is more
of a family than my family.
- 75. We formed a family together
to look out for each other
- 76. because no one else
was looking out for us.
- 77. No, I'm not jumping in.
- 78. It could be three feet, I'd just be like,
"Oh, shit, I'm drowning!"
- 79. - No more smoking weed in the house.
- 80. That's no more smoking cigarettes
in the house either.
- 81. Which I tried
to break myself of a while ago,
- 82. but there's so much trash on my porch,
- 83. and I just can't go
back out there and smoke.
- 84. - I don't know, I guess, like -
- 85. lt's just a bunch of boxes,
- 86. - from baby stuff.
- lt's boxes. It's baby shit.
- 87. Do you know how hard baby shit is
to put together?
- 88. Do you know how ridiculous this shit is?
- 89. They have five different languages
on the instructions, but not English.
- 90. And I'm like,
"Why couldn't I have just bought this?"
- 91. I don't understand why I had
to buy a box and put it together.
- 92. It doesn't make any fucking sense.
- 93. I can't believe that
she's just gonna have the baby,
- 94. and then they're just gonna be like,
"Okay, here's your baby. Go home."
- 95. I feel like somewhere along the line,
- 96. there should be, like,
a class for this or something
- 97. that I should have taken,
that I haven't fucked up.
- 98. I feel like life might be moving too fast.
- 99. We have to fully grow up,
and it's gonna fucking suck.
- 100. - How'd you do that?
- 101. - My beer! Oh, God! It's all over you.
- 102. Yes!
- 103. That is fucking rad.
- 104. I love you, Keire.
- 105. If somebody poked Keire in the eye,
- 106. - I would freak the fuck out.
- Poked me in the eye?
- 107. "Oh, you gonna poke niggas in the eye?"
- 108. That guy would be mad at you
for saying "nigga"!
- 109. Fuck 'em! He poked you in the eye.
He had it coming.
- 110. Yeah, he did have it coming.
He poked me in the eye.
- 111. Yeah, fuck that guy.
- 112. Hey, Kyle, so how are you
gonna get down off the roof?
- 113. Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm gonna watch the fucking fireworks.
- 114. How are we gonna get you down, man?
- 115. A ladder.
- 116. We don't have a ladder, Kyle!
- 117. I'm having a good time because I'm
up on the top level of my fucking roof.
- 118. This isn't a joke.
You're all fucking wasted, dude!
- 119. lt's not a joke.
- 120. You're all the way
on the fucking roof!
- 121. But it's America's fucking birthday, dude.
- 122. - ln the land of the fucking free?
- 123. - Dude, I'm telling you.
- I'm on this son-of-a-bitchin' roof, dude.
- 124. Land of the fucking free
on this son-of-a-bitchin' roof.
- 125. - Fucking fireworks, dude! Yes!
- 126. - Oh, my God.
- 127. Happy fucking birthday, dude!
- 128. Whoo!
- 129. Oh, my God, dude!
- 130. - Fuck yes, America!
- 131. I never thought I'd be okay
with changing a diaper,
- 132. but I'm pretty okay with it.
- 133. We've been tag-teaming it,
though, so it's easier.
- 134. Yeah, it was so funny
because I had Zack give the baby a bottle,
- 135. and Keire was like, "Oh, my God."
They were freaking out.
- 136. Yeah, it weirded him out the whole time.
- 137. He was like,
"I can't believe you're actually a dad."
- 138. He was thrashing.
- 139. - Oh, don't become grumpy.
- 140. I would do anything for that kid.
- 141. I wanna give him every opportunity
I possibly can to help him succeed,
- 142. help him be happy, to be a good person.
- 143. It's interesting how much having
a kid will force you to, like, grow up.
- 144. I can't get home from work and fucking
drink a 12-pack like I normally do,
- 145. 'cause what if I have to get up
and feed the kid?
- 146. Or what if something happens
and I have to take him to the hospital?
- 147. I don't know.
- 148. Lately, I've been having a lot of anxiety
about not feeling like a grown-up
- 149. and not feeling like I've done
enough things to set my life up properly,
- 150. and it's time I do something, you know?
- 151. So I need you to read over all of these.
These are the rules of the testing center.
- 152. Okay. No cell phone, no computer.
- 153. - Where do you work at?
- Uh, I'm a roofer.
- 154. That's hard work.
- 155. It is. That's why I'm taking this.
- 156. I couldn't understand what
they wanted me to do, you know?
- 157. Like, by the way it was written, I just...
- 158. I was having trouble.
- 159. I just didn't understand. That was rough.
- 160. How are you today? What time is it?
- 161. Oh.
- 162. Fuck.
- 163. Oh, man.
- 164. I'm at home. Bring me some cigarettes
and a beer for me.
- 165. I'll pay you when you get here.
- 166. Talking about Keire
and his skateboarding, y'all.
- 167. - Y'all know Keire and his skateboarding.
- Ah. Yeah, he be doing his little thing.
- 168. What's good, cousin?
- 169. I like talking shit to him,
being the little brother
- 170. being the youngest brother.
- 171. You've got to think about it.
If he wasn't the youngest,
- 172. he'd probably been running the streets
with us, you know what I'm saying?
- 173. All I can say is I'm glad
he ain't where I'm at right now.
- 174. I've got to go do a few days, you know.
- 175. One thing about that, at least I got
an out date. Straight up.
- 176. All right, bro.
- 177. Socks.
- 178. Keire is... quite different
from the others.
- 179. I think about it a lot.
- 180. 'Cause I want him
to start getting real serious
- 181. about what he's gonna be doing.
- 182. I turned 18 in, uh, November.
- 183. Ever since then, I just feel like
I should get a good job,
- 184. or get, like, a job,
just a job in general.
- 185. But I don't know. I'm becoming a man,
- 186. and I feel like that's something
I got fucked over on
- 187. because, like, my childhood
was a really shitty time.
- 188. The fuck is wrong with you?
Throwing your fucking board at me?
- 189. Hey, kid, what happened?
- 190. What did he do?
- 191. Still wanna fight me now?
- 192. What happened?
- 193. You know what? Hey!
- 194. Yeah, yeah.
- 195. Keire, he held in a lot.
- 196. And his dad, you know,
- 197. he was really kind of strict on him.
- 198. You know, his father was -
He was a carpenter,
- 199. and he wanted Keire to do that.
- 200. Because he couldn't get the other boys
to follow his footsteps.
- 201. But Keire didn't like it.
- 202. - Damn it!
- Come on, hurry!
- 203. - Yeah!
- Do it, do it!
- 204. I don't know. Sometimes I'd know
that I'd have to work with him,
- 205. so I would sneak out my window.
- 206. I'd throw my board out first
and just climb out.
- 207. Then when I got home, I got disciplined.
- 208. And I wasn't able to skate for a while.
- 209. How did you get disciplined?
- 210. Uh...
- 211. I mean, well, they call it
child abuse now,
- 212. but it's not really chi - Um...
- 213. Bitch! Ah!
- 214. That shit makes you angry,
like, oh, God
- 215. lt, like, boils my blood, dude.
Like, oh, fuck.
- 216. Fuck!
- 217. How bad did it get?
Like, did you ever cry?
- 218. Oh, of course. Of course, like...
- 219. I mean...
- 220. Wouldn't you?
- 221. I did cry.
- 222. I feel like everybody cries.
- 223. Is this the board you bought here?
- 224. - Uh...
- I think you did a while ago.
- 225. I remember we had this board in the shop.
- 226. I don't buy boards that much anymore,
'cause I don't skate that much anymore.
- 227. Dude, tell me about it.
I don't skate nearly enough.
- 228. I don't really remember
when I first met you.
- 229. I just - You were just that kid
that was always there, you know, like...
- 230. You'd come into the skate shop.
- 231. I don't know,
we'd talk about random stuff.
- 232. And that happened with a lot of kids.
- 233. And they could come in and be like,
- 234. "Yeah, dude, my parents suck,"
or, "This is going on"...
- 235. And they'd come in and unload, you know?
- 236. But, like, you were introverted,
and I didn't know,
- 237. and I remember distinctly asking you
if you were gay.
- 238. - Do you remember that at all?
- 239. I asked you, like,
"Dude, are you gay? Like, what's"...
- 240. I knew you had some huge weight on you.
- 241. And you were like, "Nah, dude," you know?
- 242. But I can't remember when you
opened up to me about your mom and stuff,
- 243. but you never really told me about
anything about what was going on with you.
- 244. And I guess in retrospect now,
when I look at it, I'm like...
- 245. I should have totally figured that out.
- 246. I could tell with you,
from the very beginning,
- 247. skateboarding meant more to you
than just being cool and having friends.
- 248. It was your thing to, like, get away.
- 249. It was kind of a life-or-death thing.
- 250. To other people, it's funny.
"Ha, ha. Oh, these guys are crazy."
- 251. But in reality,
I think it's a control thing.
- 252. You fucking have to control
the most minute, small details
- 253. to make you feel normal
in a world that's not normal.
- 254. lt would kind of be like a drug, in a way.
- 255. Like, I could seriously be on the verge
of having a fucking mental breakdown,
- 256. but as long as I'm able to go skate,
then I'm completely fine.
- 257. Yeah!
- 258. Here goes nothing.
- 259. As soon as the effect of the drug
wears off, it just comes back to you.
- 260. So, what happened?
Did we get paid yesterday? Or...
- 261. I don't know.
- 262. I don't know either. I need my hours, man.
- 263. I got kids to feed!
- 264. Dude, my boss is seriously
such an asshole. Lt is crazy.
- 265. Like, fucking - They're understaffed now,
and he just told me to clock out.
- 266. My budget is already spent out for a week,
so I'm a week behind every time.
- 267. So now I have to figure out how to come up
with three extra hours
- 268. on a schedule
that I'm barely fucking on.
- 269. According to research
from the University of Illinois,
- 270. about 47% of all Rockford workers -
- 271. earn less than $15 per hour.
- 272. Rockford has struggled
with unemployment for years.
- 273. Companies have left. So have the jobs.
- 274. Out of all of Illinois,
- 275. Rockford has seen the largest number
of people move away since 2010.
- 276. How many people
are gonna be at that table?
- 277. Could be anywhere from 12 to 15.
- 278. Great.
- 279. Yeah, you took the hardest one. Good job.
- 280. There you go. There you go.
I'll get you all lined up there.
- 281. Come on, bud.
- 282. I feel weird 'cause like... l don't know,
- 283. 'cause I like talk to my baby
like baby voicing.
- 284. I mean, he's a fucking baby. That's how
you talk to him. I'm not gonna be like,
- 285. "All right, Elliot, we're
gonna put your clothes on, little buddy!"
- 286. Nah, nah
- 287. lt's, like, she works and I watch him,
or I work and she watches him.
- 288. I don't know. And other than that,
we're both pretty much around.
- 289. All right.
- 290. Here you go.
Is that that action you wanted?
- 291. Is that that action you like?
- 292. It's a hard-knock life being a baby.
- 293. It's gotta be stressful.
You've saved a bunch of time
- 294. by not having to walk
and go to the bathroom, but...
- 295. And then someone just cleans it for you.
Someone feeds you every three hours.
- 296. See, I've been off work all week,
which normally never happens.
- 297. I haven't left this house in five days
'cause I haven't had time to do anything,
- 298. and I get cooped up super, super easily.
- 299. So that, you know,
has been driving me nuts.
- 300. Is that what you want?
You wanna come up here?
- 301. Hey, Mama's here!
- 302. - How was work?
- 303. How was after-work drinks?
- 304. Geez, girl,
no wonder you're always broke.
- 305. - Those things are probably, like, $7.
- They're $4.
- 306. Are you gonna feed him?
- 307. No, I told you to. I have to, like,
get ready and meet Jess.
- 308. - What? You did not tell me that.
- Yeah, I did.
- 309. You said, "I'm gonna feed him."
You can't just feed him - Like, 11 hours?
- 310. - Now you're going out to the bar?
- You did that for five months.
- 311. - You can't feed your fucking kid?
- You can't do it one day?
- 312. You can't feed him? What the fuck?
I'll feed him the bottle.
- 313. Just feed him the solid food.
That's all I want you to do.
- 314. His bottle's only three ounces.
He'll drink that in five minutes.
- 315. Then I've gotta take care of him
all fucking night still.
- 316. I haven't even gotten
my fucking jacket off.
- 317. Why can't you just feed him?
- 318. I was a stay-at-home mom,
- 319. and you said,
"I work. You take care of Elliot."
- 320. And I did. And now I'm working.
- 321. Right, and you show up
somewhere between 8:00 and 9:00.
- 322. - Just in time to put him to bed.
- That's a fucking lie too!
- 323. That's a lie too. That happened twice.
- 324. Last night was the only night
you stayed home all fucking week.
- 325. That's a fucking lie, and you know it!
- 326. - Whatever, you're an idiot. Just go away.
- No, you're a fucking idiot.
- 327. I mean,
she's, like, going through something now.
- 328. She's newly 21
and wants to go out every night.
- 329. And I told her, I'm like,
"You had a kid. Too late."
- 330. I love that girl.
I do want to be with her.
- 331. I just want her to chill the fuck out.
- 332. And I feel like
it's just been me, like a lot,
- 333. while she gets to go out every night
and do whatever the fuck she wants.
- 334. Drives me fricking insane.
- 335. My friend messaged me.
- 336. He was like, "Hey, I can get you
a job tomorrow if you want it."
- 337. And I was like, "Yeah."
- 338. But he was like, "But just to warn you,
it's really hard work."
- 339. I don't like telling people
that I'm a dishwasher,
- 340. but then again, I really don't care,
'cause it's how I make money.
- 341. It's, like, definitely my first real job.
- 342. But I just don't want to work some job
that I hate for the rest of my life.
- 343. The Main Street Skatepark,
aka "the park Zack built."
- 344. Main Street Skatepark was
a skate park I had started with a guy
- 345. that had run a gym for a long time,
- 346. and he was looking for an extra source
of income during the winter months.
- 347. You know, I had told him,
"I have all this wood.
- 348. We could build a skate park."
- 349. I'm calling it the Keire box right now,
- 350. because it's really weird-shaped
and long, crazy...
- 351. What the fuck?
- 352. That's how you are too.
- 353. Keire just walks around like...
- 354. Just lanky, like your arms are six feet
in front of you at all times.
- 355. We have two-by-fours.
- 356. - Boom.
- 357. A-one and a-two and a-three...
- 358. My father was a carpenter. I learned
a lot from him and a lot from my family.
- 359. In the '80s,
my father started a skate park
- 360. in my grandmother's roller rink.
- 361. And they managed
the only indoor skate park in the area
- 362. for eight years, or something like that.
- 363. I was kind of raised to,
you know, do what you want to do.
- 364. And then somewhere along the line,
he just, like, flipped a switch,
- 365. like, wanted to become
like a conservative American.
- 366. All of a sudden, there were
all these rules and expectations.
- 367. They were, like, pushing me into this mold
- 368. of someone they thought was a good person.
- 369. And I'm like, "Fuck that!"
- 370. I remember when I was a kid,
- 371. we fucking sang punk music
and fucking smoked joints.
- 372. Like, you know, fuck that.
- 373. All right, fine, I'll find a babysitter
then, and then fuck you.
- 374. I guess I'll talk to you later.
- 375. First of all, you're supposed to have him
until 6:00 p.m.
- 376. so I get my Saturday dates.
- 377. You knew since Monday
that I had plans today.
- 378. Zack, you shouldn't have fucking
made plans for a Saturday.
- 379. Because this is supposed to be my day.
I never get a day to myself.
- 380. - You get days off all the time.
- No, I don't.
- 381. - I only get two days off a week.
- When do I get a day to myself?
- 382. - This is supposed to be my day - today.
- Okay, bye, Nina.
- 383. Ain't that just the way?
- 384. Have you and Nina
ever, like, just tried talking it out?
- 385. Successfully? Nope.
- 386. He's just so excited.
- 387. I know.
- 388. He's had a good day. We're just
playing outside and doing fun stuff, huh?
- 389. We have a fire going. Oh, yeah,
you want to put some boards on it?
- 390. - Yeah.
- Okay, I'll hold the baby.
- 391. You put some boards on there.
- 392. Me and Zack just fought a lot,
and eventually, I just had to leave him.
- 393. Like, I can't do this anymore.
- 394. Look at Mama.
- 395. Especially being a mom,
- 396. you don't want to see your kid
in an environment like that.
- 397. - This should be good, right?
- 398. I didn't really have anywhere to go.
- 399. And my aunt and uncle, they just wound up
being like, "Hey, we wanna help you."
- 400. - It's down there?
- 401. ln a perfect world,
me and Zack would still be together.
- 402. But, I don't know,
I want it to work out with him.
- 403. He just doesn't get it.
- 404. I feel like a lot of our parents
are not together.
- 405. Were your parents divorced?
- 406. Well, he stayed with his dad
- 407. because he told me
he could raise him better,
- 408. because he could
teach him things that I couldn't.
- 409. I really hope
that I don't get back in there
- 410. and there'll be the same amount of boxes.
- 411. You know, like, I lived with my dad,
- 412. but he kept trying to make me work,
like, every single weekend.
- 413. And I was like, "Come on.
I've got to skate. I've got to skate."
- 414. Fuck.
- 415. Then we got in, like, a fight.
- 416. He was like, "I'm your dad.
You're going to work."
- 417. And I was just like, "No."
- 418. Then I tried to punch him.
- 419. And then I moved out, like, the next day.
- 420. Yeah, actually, one of the last things
I said to my dad was, "I hate you."
- 421. I was just so fucking angry
'cause he just kicked my ass.
- 422. Did you see any violence in
your household when you were growing up?
- 423. I don't know, man.
That's - That's a tough question.
- 424. It's hard - lt depends on
what you determine is violent.
- 425. When I was a kid,
if I was fucking up...
- 426. I got my ass whupped.
I feel, like, everyone does.
- 427. I mean
- 428. some people got it worse
than other people.
- 429. Yeah.
- 430. This was my dad's closet, specifically,
- 431. and he'd hide everything right here,
- 432. like my PlayStation controllers,
entire computers, toys.
- 433. And then his vintage porn was, like,
in the corner right there in a stack
- 434. along with, like, several firearms
that were on the floor.
- 435. I used to judge my relationship with
my father based on a day-to-day basis
- 436. on how many things I've done
to piss him off in that given day.
- 437. And this day, that I was here
playing on the computer,
- 438. felt like a good day,
- 439. that I hadn't done anything wrong.
- 440. It all went without a hitch.
We hadn't talked very much.
- 441. There wasn't much opportunity
for me to do anything bad.
- 442. But then he just comes in, looks at me.
- 443. I turn up and look at him,
- 444. and he just says
that I look fucking stupid.
- 445. And he walks out,
and I thought that was the end of it.
- 446. I was like, "Oh, well, okay.
That's not too bad."
- 447. But then he comes back in
with a pair of, like, meat scissors
- 448. and he just starts...
- 449. He just, like, grabs my head
and starts hacking my hair off.
- 450. I always shut the doors because,
you know, it keeps the
- 451. lt keeps the heat in.
- 452. That was another thing worth punishing.
- 453. Where was your room?
- 454. Oh, my room, that's right.
This used to be my brother's room.
- 455. Eh, that's true. Um, yeah.
- 456. I remember hearing beating
and screaming coming from your room,
- 457. and it was like
- 458. unnerving screams
of anguish, almost, and it was, like
- 459. really, really unnerving.
- 460. It was almost scarring.
- 461. Mom?
- 462. Yeah, I have to wash my clothes
and my blankets.
- 463. And my - my blankets. I just need two.
- 464. Okay.
- 465. - Thank you.
- She said put one in each wash.
- 466. - Okay. Thank you.
- All right.
- 467. My mom has this new boyfriend,
and I don't really like him.
- 468. So do you have
a new, uh, man in your life?
- 469. A new man in my life?
- 470. - Yeah.
- 471. Hey, ain't that sort of personal there?
- 472. Oh...
- 473. Yeah?
- 474. I'll be back in a minute.
- 475. He said, "What the hey?"
- 476. Zack, look up.
- 477. Aw, Elliot, it's all up in your neck.
- 478. My family, when I grew up,
we were all very distant.
- 479. It was very chaotic and I'd just stay
in my room the whole time.
- 480. I think 'cause of the way that I grew up,
I really desperately craved love.
- 481. I think my dad had me
when he was 21?
- 482. And my mom left
when I was two or something.
- 483. And so I think I was always looking
- 484. from my dad that I didn't get.
- 485. Like, maybe something that
I was supposed to get from my mom.
- 486. Oh, no, it's okay, it's okay.
Elliot, rip that off.
- 487. - Oh, all right!
- 488. - Bye, baby.
- 489. - I loves you. Give me a hug.
- I love you.
- 490. Love you, Nina.
- 491. I was telling Bing about how you went on
a date with Katie and I almost killed her.
- 492. - Yeah.
- Lt was bad.
- 493. No, like, I usually don't
get like that, but.
- 494. She showed up at 11:00 at night
with this other girl ready to fight.
- 495. See this? You see what I'm dealing
with all the time? This little bitch.
- 496. Oh! Oh, yeah, real slick there.
- 497. Fuck!
- 498. You got this.
- 499. All right, man. Here it is.
- 500. - Yeah!
- Fuck, yeah!
- 501. That trick made me want to touch my body,
Keire. I'm not gonna lie.
- 502. - Oh, my God.
- Fuck, dude.
- 503. That looks fucked up.
- 504. That was crazy.
- 505. This is the result of all those times
- 506. I ran away from home to the skate park.
- 507. I would love for my dad to see
how much progress I've made
- 508. since I was a little shithead
trying to skateboard.
- 509. Like, it would bother me.
- 510. Maybe he'd just be like, "Ah, damn,
you weren't just wasting your life."
- 511. I know their relationship
was definitely strained.
- 512. And I don't think Keire really realized
how much his dad meant to him
- 513. until his dad actually did pass away.
- 514. The day that my dad died,
I had just got out of school.
- 515. It was, like, a Friday,
- 516. and, uh, I'd just got off the bus.
- 517. My mom was just, like, freaking out.
- 518. As soon as I got home,
she was freaking out.
- 519. And she was like, "He's gone, he's gone!"
And I didn't wanna believe it.
- 520. So I was all mad at her for saying that.
- 521. I was like, "Dad's strong.
He's not dead. Whatever."
- 522. And they brought him out on the stretcher,
- 523. and I was just like, "Holy fuck."
- 524. Like, he actually looks
kind of dead right there,
- 525. and I was just like, "Fuck."
- 526. And I don't know, it's just...
- 527. I don't know, uh
- 528. lt's weird. It's just
- 529. lt's just really difficult
for me to explain right now.
- 530. - Hey!
- Well, hey there, bud.
- 531. Elliot.
- 532. I love you.
- 533. Ready? Come play with Daddy.
- 534. Buddy, like this.
Just one finger, just one.
- 535. Yeah!
- 536. Hold him like this just real fast.
- 537. All right, I'll hold him for a second.
Yeah, come here, bud.
- 538. Yeah!
- 539. We're gonna make it through the poles?
We're gonna make it? Whoa!
- 540. So what, uh...
- 541. What have you guys been up to?
- 542. Uh, lately, we've been adjusting to...
- 543. I don't know. I asked
if I could see my son every day,
- 544. and I only get to see him,
like, three times a week.
- 545. It's really been bumming me out.
And she's been, like.
- 546. She's talking a bunch of shit, you know,
- 547. calling me a piece of shit
and all this stuff and
- 548. - lt got out of control, man. I don't know.
- All right, so this is the video.
- 549. Get off of me! I hate you!
- 550. I don't trust you!
- 551. 'Cause I hate you
and I will fucking stab you.
- 552. I will fucking stab you
in the fucking neck, Zack!
- 553. - Fucking die, die, die!
- Knock it off!
- 554. So fucking bugged, dude.
- 555. Get off me!
- 556. - Then stop it!
- 557. - Are you going to stop?
- 558. You're doing this, I'm already -
It's like you want me to fucking kill you.
- 559. You're asking for it!
- 560. Kyle showed me some recordings
of you and Zack fighting.
- 561. - I bet he did.
- 562. What - What were those fights about?
- 563. What were they like? Why did they...
- 564. Well, if he showed you the one
where I'm like,
- 565. "Zack, I'm gonna fucking kill you
- 566. he beat my ass ten minutes
before Kyle took that video.
- 567. And he didn't decide to record that part.
- 568. You know I've got a scar
going down my eyebrow.
- 569. I've got - He broke
his coffee tables with my body.
- 570. Like...
- 571. Obviously, I'm not in the state of mind -
I'm not - I'm going crazy at this point.
- 572. Because I'm a little girl.
You know what I mean?
- 573. And you have wasted Zack doing all that,
- 574. and then it's like, yeah, I'm gonna.
- 575. Yeah, of course I'm gonna tell you
I'm gonna fucking kill you if you do.
- 576. You know? I don't know.
- 577. I didn't know that.
Why was he hitting you?
- 578. Um, he gets wasted.
- 579. He, you know - We'll start fighting
- 580. and then he'll take it
completely out of control and...
- 581. But, I mean, that's not the first time
it's happened either, that recording.
- 582. And I mean, I've been pretty bruised up.
- 583. I'd have, like... From him hitting me,
- 584. I'd have, like,
a huge bruise just all over.
- 585. And then, you know,
he'd see them the next day
- 586. and he wouldn't even say anything,
- 587. not even a sorry or anything like that.
- 588. We'd just kind of ignore it
like it didn't happen.
- 589. So.
- 590. ln a way, your footage
will offset with my footage
- 591. because this is the only time
that I haven't shot in the movie.
- 592. So it's like it - You know...
- 593. So, like, even when during the interview,
- 594. when you shoot me
and getting my reaction shots,
- 595. it'll like... l don't know.
- 596. We moved to Rockford
when I was eight or nine,
- 597. and my mom met my stepfather.
- 598. One day when she was working
at the pizza restaurant, this man came in.
- 599. He had been a regular.
He'd seen her before.
- 600. Um, and he started getting to know her.
- 601. And then one day, he followed her home,
found out where we lived, and
- 602. then he became my stepdad.
- 603. But, um, you know,
I think that I was blaming her
- 604. for sort of abandoning me
when I was a kid.
- 605. Mom, can you clap your hands
just in front of your face?
- 606. Okay.
- 607. - What's that for?
- 608. lt's for a sound thing for later.
Can you see my face okay?
- 609. - No, not - Now is okay.
- Now? Okay.
- 610. So I'll just try to hold it here for now.
- 611. Now that - Right,
I can see your eyes. You're a little...
- 612. I know it's hard
with all the lights. I'm sorry.
- 613. Um, so I'm curious. Uh...
- 614. - Who's Dennis?
- Hold on one sec.
- 615. - Oh.
- 616. Okay. Sorry, Bing.
- 617. Who is Dennis? Why did you ask that?
- 618. Um, because...
- 619. You know who he is.
- 620. Well, I don't feel like I know who he is.
- 621. Did you know that, um
- 622. the first time I was ever alone with him,
that's when he grabbed me?
- 623. He did - He what?
- 624. The first time I was ever alone with him
was the first time.
- 625. - He beat you?
- He grabbed me and beat me, yeah.
- 626. I mean, how much did you know
about what was happening?
- 627. - Because you were always gone working.
- 628. Because he had retired pretty soon
after you and him married.
- 629. Right.
- 630. And so you weren't home that much.
I was just with him.
- 631. I think, uh...
- 632. I don't - I don't know what to say now.
- 633. I wish I can go over it
and do again, do differently,
- 634. but I really don't know what to say now.
- 635. It's all past. L...
- 636. I did not know it was that bad.
- 637. I did not know he was that bad,
especially behind me.
- 638. I was...
- 639. I wish I was stronger than - I wasn't.
- 640. I don't know. L...
- 641. I don't know what to say.
- 642. What.
- 643. I mean, but didn't he...
- 644. When was the first time that he hurt you?
- 645. I don't know what happened.
He come to choke me.
- 646. Yeah, he have a few times...
- 647. So.
- 648. But the thing is, as I tell you
- 649. with him...
- 650. The city of Rockford is ranked
- 651. as the number two most dangerous city
with a population under 200,000 people.
- 652. Last year, the Department
of Justice created a 63-page report
- 653. just for Rockford to help it
with its violent crime problem.
- 654. The Rockford police department
- 655. presenting final crime statistics
- 656. About a fourth of that violent crime
- 657. can be attributed
to domestic violence incidents.
- 658. You know what I found out today?
- 659. Skateboarding taught me how to be
passionate. That's where it all started.
- 660. - That's where it all started?
- 661. - I'm telling you.
- 662. - I didn't mean to laugh at you.
- [boy 1] lt's all right.
- 663. - I knew you were probably just kidding.
- L don't like emotions.
- 664. That's why - I mean, I'm like my dad.
- 665. "There's no such thing as emotion,
only work and getting back to it."
- 666. "lf you work hard enough,
all your problems will go away."
- 667. Hello?
- 668. All right, I'll be down
in, like, five minutes. Hold on.
- 669. - [boy 2] Zack.
- 670. [boy 2]
I thought you weren't with Nina anymore.
- 671. Um, I'm not really.
We're, like, talking now.
- 672. - How was work?
- 673. Eh
- 674. - lt was okay.
- L like your hair. It's all swirly.
- 675. I'm sorry. I won't be nice to you
next time. I'll not say anything.
- 676. No, your hair looks like shit, Nina.
- 677. - You're welcome.
- I'm not used to you being nice to me.
- 678. Nah, nah, nah, nah.
- 679. - Stop, Zack! I'm driving!
- 680. - Trying to be a real badass, huh?
- I'm driving.
- 681. - You're freaking Elliot out.
- 682. Elliot's not freaked out.
- 683. Maybe he's a little freaked out. Nah!
- 684. Stop!
- 685. All right, I'll be back.
Veggie burrito, potatoes, horchata.
- 686. So you guys are looking
better than ever? Like, what's.
- 687. I'm gonna take it day by day,
- 688. because I feel like
he's just gonna let me down again.
- 689. So, if I don't take him seriously,
- 690. I'm not gonna be let down.
- 691. So I'm just going with it, I guess.
- 692. - To him?
- 693. Don't. That's a bad - That is... No.
- 694. I just think it's so prevalent,
the, like, violence towards women
- 695. and I saw it towards my mother,
and I just think it's...
- 696. Right. I don't think they.
- 697. She had the same idea. She was like,
"I don't want to speak out," you know?
- 698. Right, I mean...
- 699. I don't know, especially with me and him
kind of being okay right now
- 700. and like hanging out,
all that would go down the drain.
- 701. Okay.
- 702. - But, yeah.
- 703. That took a long time.
- 704. Fifty bucks.
- 705. - That's 50?
- 706. I'm fucking beat, dude.
- 707. Like, I don't know
what else to say. I'm beat.
- 708. Wait a second.
- 709. Dude, what's today?
- 710. I thought it was fucking Friday!
- 711. I don't have to go back to work.
- 712. Yes! Oh, my God! Yes. Oh, my God.
- 713. I got my car probably a month or two ago.
- 714. How many people do you know
have a portable ledge on the back?
- 715. I quit.
- 716. I feel, like, if I stay here,
I'm just gonna get stuck here.
- 717. But moving out has always been scary.
- 718. I don't wanna just move out
and by the time rent comes around,
- 719. I don't have the money, because
then I look stupid and irresponsible.
- 720. What's good, Marlon?
- 721. Yo.
- 722. - Yo, we're filming that rap video.
- We're filming a rap video.
- 723. Ain't got women either.
Where's the women?
- 724. - No, we're not guilty.
- 725. - I believe that.
- We didn't do it!
- 726. He's like,
"That's what they all say."
- 727. You see that shit right there,
like, right above the speedometer.
- 728. I have my registration
and my insurance and my license.
- 729. So you don't have to reach
for anything in your pockets.
- 730. Dude, the cop was like,
"License and registration."
- 731. And I was like "Sure." And I reached
over there to the fucking glove box,
- 732. and the cop over there was like...
- 733. I was just like,
"Oh, whoa! Don't fucking shoot me."
- 734. They're like, "Calm down!" I was like,
"What do you mean calm down?"
- 735. - You guys fucking calm down.
- You fucking pulled your gun on me
- 736. for obeying what you said.
- 737. lt's just a bunch of shit, you know.
- 738. - Did you see that one?
- At, like, the gas station? Yeah.
- 739. He's like,
"Give me your driver's license."
- 740. That fucking terrifies me.
- 741. So the guy goes in his car
to get his driver's license
- 742. and the cop just shoots him,
like, four times.
- 743. I could die really easily here.
- 744. Dude, no, this is the funniest video
ever. I have to show you guys.
- 745. Buff niggas, dark niggas.
- 746. Asian niggas, white niggas
- 747. [man2] Suck my dick, bitch!
- 748. [man 1] Hundreds of niggas is waiting
for your motherfucking call.
- 749. They all talking shit about you.
- 750. Call these motherfuckers ASAP.
- 751. Growing up,
my dad would always tell me,
- 752. "Keire, you have a lot of white friends,
but don't forget that you're Black."
- 753. Are you gonna take a nap, buddy?
- 754. Look who's home! Hi!
- 755. I'm going to try
to lay him down for a nap.
- 756. Let me have a kiss first!
- 757. I get him first!
- 758. We didn't, like, hug or anything
in my family.
- 759. So when I first moved out
from me and Zack's apartment,
- 760. my aunt would give me a hug
every night before I went to bed.
- 761. And it was so weird to me at first.
- 762. I'd be like, "Oh, you're touching me.
- 763. Don't, please!"
- 764. And after a while it was like,
"Okay, I'm going to bed. Where's my hug?"
- 765. It's nap time, baby.
- 766. I never really knew what a family was.
- 767. Are you okay?
- 768. My aunt and uncle showed me that.
- 769. They pretty much
adopted me at the age of 21.
- 770. That stuff scares me. When he gets
on a skateboard, I'm just like...
- 771. Mm-hmm.
You need to find him a little helmet.
- 772. Yeah.
- 773. Come on, bubba.
- 774. Now I know what I want
my family to be like someday.
- 775. How have, uh, you and Zack been?
- 776. Um, same as always.
He's just doing his own thing. And...
- 777. This looks like a job for Superman.
- 778. ls it hard for you to move on from him?
- 779. I mean, I don't go one day
without thinking about him,
- 780. or worrying about him
or, like, wishing he'd call.
- 781. And, you know, not even just for me,
but for Elliot too.
- 782. I don't know.
- 783. Why do you put up with that though?
- 784. I mean, even though
I've seen the worst of him,
- 785. you know, I know that there's
a lot of good things about him too.
- 786. I need a fries, please,
for this steak sandwich.
- 787. Here you are, sir.
All right, I'll go grab you a menu.
- 788. Seriously, man.
- 789. This is so much better than being
back there and having to do all of that.
- 790. Right now, I don't have to ask my mom
for money. I can give her money.
- 791. Our water was gonna get cut off,
and I helped pay the bill.
- 792. I felt really good about that.
- 793. With Zack,
we have drifted apart a little bit
- 794. just 'cause I'm not over there,
like, every day.
- 795. I started hanging out
with my younger skate friends again.
- 796. I noticed that they were on a better path.
- 797. What classes are you taking?
- 798. - Graphic arts technology, graphic design.
- So, gen ed of liberal arts.
- 799. I'm just gonna try to get
something general at first
- 800. - and see what kind ofjobs I can get.
- 801. So you guys are getting your GEDs?
- 802. Um, I am. Evan has his. He graduated.
- 803. And like - I don't know. It's just,
I could prove people wrong.
- 804. Oh, yeah, dude!
- 805. I remembered something that
my dad told me about being Black.
- 806. He said, "Being Black is cool
- 807. because you get
to prove people wrong every day."
- 808. Yeah.
- 809. Like, you sound the way
that you sound, so you don't.
- 810. You know, it's like
you just prove them wrong,
- 811. and they probably feel a little shitty
for profiling you.
- 812. I can't even imagine feeling like that.
- 813. I was only - the only white kid for, like,
four years at Ellis in my class,
- 814. so I had to learn real quick that
like, "Oh, shit, I'm in trouble."
- 815. Like, right away, people were
mad at me for being white
- 816. after our first history class.
- 817. In reality, you don't have as much say,
'cause you are white.
- 818. But you just get -
But I'm educated though.
- 819. You're educated 'cause you went through
just as much high school as him?
- 820. - 'Cause I fucking read and shit.
- So you know more than him?
- 821. Even though your race didn't go through
the same things as his did?
- 822. Because my race went through it
doesn't mean I went through it.
- 823. Like, he doesn't have the same
disadvantages every day you don't have?
- 824. There's a certain class of white
that's easy to be white in America.
- 825. But then if you're, like,
trailer trash white and shit,
- 826. then it's not easy to live in America.
- 827. - I feel like it is easy though.
- 828. You could just cut your hair
and go and get a fucking job
- 829. 'cause they're not going
to look at you like...
- 830. But when you're fucking stupid,
you can't do that.
- 831. If you're stupid, you can't do that.
- 832. When I was younger,
- 833. I didn't really understand why my dad
would talk about being Black so much.
- 834. But I remember, he was like,
- 835. "lf you could choose again,
choose to be Black."
- 836. And at first, I didn't get it. I was like,
- 837. "Why would you want to be Black
when all this shit's happening to us?"
- 838. But he explained it as, like,
- 839. because we have to deal with these issues,
- 840. it just makes other things that
my white friends would complain about
- 841. not even be a problem to me.
- 842. My father's skate park went under
because of a downfall in skateboarding.
- 843. Mine didn't succeed because
I got hooked up with a bad partner.
- 844. One day, he calls me and he's like,
"Hey, I'm gonna go on a vacation."
- 845. And I fucking never heard
from the dude again. Never.
- 846. Come to find out
the guy had never paid any of our bills.
- 847. All the money we were making,
everything, he just was keeping it.
- 848. That fucked me over. I mean, I've never
- 849. I don't feel like I've done anything
I've ever wanted to do with my life.
- 850. There it is.
That's a five-day notice.
- 851. I try not to come over here,
just like Zack and Kyle don't. Clearly.
- 852. - I mean, do you even want to be here? No.
- Why is all that shit broken?
- 853. - What?
- The ground.
- 854. - The ground?
- Yeah, what is all this?
- 855. Poop. This is all poop, dude.
- 856. All right, let's get out
of this fucking place.
- 857. I feel like I never see Zack.
- 858. I remember when I used to skip school,
- 859. and I was just like,
"Oh, he didn't finish school.
- 860. He's doing fine. I'll be fine."
- 861. Yeah, but I see them now,
I'm like, "Fuck."
- 862. I don't know. I don't think
they have electricity right now.
- 863. - That's kinda...
- Yeah, that's what I heard.
- 864. That's fucked up.
- 865. When I was younger, everyone just
seemed like they had it all figured out.
- 866. Which was the dumbest thing
that I could have ever told myself.
- 867. No one knows what the fuck they're doing.
- 868. What kind of filming are we doing,
- 869. the kind where I pretend you're not there
or the other kind?
- 870. Where we talk the whole time.
- 871. Okay.
- 872. All right, think I got it?
- 873. Oh!
- 874. I didn't plan on moving out here at all.
- 875. This broad that lives out here hit me up.
She bought me a plane ticket,
- 876. got me like a $180 Uber
to the fucking Milwaukee airport.
- 877. Came out here.
- 878. I was originally gonna be
out here for two weeks.
- 879. And she's like, "No, you're just going
to live with me now."
- 880. You know?
- 881. I'm not picky.
I was like, "All right."
- 882. I don't know. I'm doing pretty good
out here though. I'm working.
- 883. I've been drinking a lot less and
I'm definitely not fucking off as much.
- 884. What's this one? Oh, fucking roast beef.
- 885. Can you hear me
in your headphones right now?
- 886. Yeah.
- 887. There's liquor in this cup.
- 888. All right, so West State Street...
- 889. There's Walnut,
so I need to be going that way.
- 890. take a ride?
- 891. What?
- 892. - Mama.
- 893. Take a ride.
- 894. What?
- 895. Take a ride.
- 896. Zack told me that
he was going to Colorado,
- 897. but he said that he was only going
for a couple of days.
- 898. And then he wound up calling me
- 899. while he was there, like,
"Oh, I'm gonna stay here."
- 900. When he does get stable,
he's gonna want to be with Elliot again,
- 901. and he's gonna want to be a family,
'cause that's what he tells me.
- 902. But then again,
all I really have is his word,
- 903. which I don't even know if that's true,
- 904. because there are so many lies.
- 905. You know what I mean?
- 906. Oh, I'm drunk as fuck.
This is a perfect night.
- 907. lt's hard to get who Zack actually is,
- 908. because there's so many versions
of him that he'll tell you about.
- 909. It's frustrating,
'cause you're supposed to be my homey,
- 910. but I feel like I don't know the real you.
- 911. You spilled juice
all over your pants. It's okay.
- 912. Oh, hi, Elliot. Hey, Nina.
- 913. - Hi.
- You look cute.
- 914. Yeah, I figure if I'm gonna
go do this at the courthouse,
- 915. I need to look presentable.
- 916. He needs to know
that there's consequences.
- 917. Like, you can't just have a child
and abandon them.
- 918. Life doesn't work like that,
and he needs a reality check.
- 919. And I feel like, you know,
this is a good way to do that.
- 920. I'm here to try and start
the process of child support.
- 921. You said child support?
- 922. Maybe that will also encourage him
to want to come around more.
- 923. It's, like, maybe if he's paying for him,
he'll want to see him, you know?
- 924. I don't know.
- 925. I'm just trying to do what I can, I guess.
- 926. I'm just playing. Don't start crying.
Look how much fun jumping is though
- 927. when you don't have to cry.
- 928. Mom. Mom, she's making noises.
- 929. Come on, come on...
- 930. See, everyone loves Grandma.
No one likes their uncle.
- 931. Are you still with -
Are you still with your boyfriend?
- 932. What boyfriend?
- 933. I thought you had
a boyfriend for a while.
- 934. No, he wasn't a boyfriend.
He was a stupid friend.
- 935. No. He's not around anymore,
- 936. Gonna throw you off!
- 937. The older I get,
the more I think about it,
- 938. and I feel like there's a part of me
that really loves my family.
- 939. - All right, all right, calm down.
- 940. I guess because family
will always be there,
- 941. but friends, kind of, can come and go.
- 942. - Stop it!
- 943. - What's up, fool? How you doing?
- What's up, guy?
- 944. - How's it going?
- 945. I know. Happy to be home,
I'll tell you what.
- 946. - Let's do this.
- God, Zack.
- 947. - Zack!
- 948. Denver wasn't really my style.
- 949. I felt like a lot of the people
that were down there,
- 950. a lot of them were privileged.
- 951. And so Sam, my current girlfriend,
flew me back out to Rockford.
- 952. I have Sam's name tattooed
on my wrist now.
- 953. When did you get Sam's name
tattooed on your wrist?
- 954. - When or why?
- Uh, Saturday?
- 955. I don't know.
- 956. - She paid for it.
- L paid for it.
- 957. Do you feel concerned that Elliot's
gonna grow up, like, messed up?
- 958. I'm 50-50 about it.
- 959. Lately, I have been concerned
over my influence on him.
- 960. And as he gets older
- 961. how he's gonna look at the difference
- 962. between the way his family lives
and the way I live.
- 963. And a lot of people grow up
and they're all,
- 964. "Oh, yeah,
I'm fucking gonna play football
- 965. and I'm gonna go to college
and I'm gonna get this nice office job
- 966. and start a family and have 2.5 kids
and a car and a garage.
- 967. And everything's just gonna be nice,
and I'll buy a boat and a snowmobile"...
- 968. Like, fuck you, you piece of shit!
- 969. Just 'cause you're too fucking weak
to make your own decisions
- 970. and decide what you want to do
with your own life
- 971. doesn't mean everyone else
has gotta be like you.
- 972. I don't know. Fuck.
- 973. I don't - Ask me another question.
- 974. I guess my thing was like, you know,
- 975. I grew up without knowing my dad.
- 976. I saw him three times since I was five,
- 977. and my stepdad used to
beat the shit out of me and my mom.
- 978. Right.
- 979. And so I don't know how I -
Why did I choose this life?
- 980. Not that I'm, like, gonna get married
and buy a house, but I don't know.
- 981. You want me to comment on your direction?
- 982. Yeah.
- 983. That's the difference. Like, you.
- 984. Some people do take
their negative experiences
- 985. and turn them
into powerful, positive things.
- 986. I just don't think
I'm that type of person.
- 987. I think...
- 988. I found myself in a position
where I was so depressed
- 989. that I just - I wanted it to just get
as bad as it could,
- 990. just as bad as it could until I died.
- 991. - Quit being a wuss.
- Wanna play with my knife?
- 992. - Do you wanna play with my knife?
- Take it off. Quit being a pussy.
- 993. Do it! Saw my fucking head off.
Don't be a pussy.
- 994. - No!
- Ah, you're such a wuss.
- 995. This place just, like, eats away at you.
- 996. I don't know, I just don't want
to get trapped here in Rockford
- 997. like a lot of people have.
- 998. I tried stashing away my money,
- 999. and then my fucking brother
broke into my room and stole it.
- 1000. If I would've told my dad
what my brother did to me,
- 1001. my dad would be on his ass right now.
Like, he'd be - Oh, my God.
- 1002. I remember this one time...
- 1003. I don't know, I think I stole something
or something. I was little.
- 1004. I was, like, 12 maybe,
and I stole something.
- 1005. That was the worst ass-whupping
I have ever gotten,
- 1006. but it definitely made me never steal.
- 1007. I was like, "Yeah, stealing sucks
- 1008. 'cause you get your ass beat
and you burn bridges.
- 1009. And burning bridges isn't cool."
- 1010. I don't know.
- 1011. Afterwards, after my ass stopped stinging,
- 1012. he apologized for beating me
- 1013. and then he totally just explained to me
that it was just how he was raised.
- 1014. I know that he loved me.
That's why he was so hard on me.
- 1015. So what do you think
you've gotten out of this documentary?
- 1016. Um.
- 1017. It's almost like fucking free therapy.
- 1018. Yeah. I'm making this film
- 1019. because I was physically disciplined
by my stepfather,
- 1020. and it didn't make sense to me.
- 1021. And I saw myself in your own story.
- 1022. Hmm.
- 1023. Wow!
- 1024. That's...
- 1025. Wow, Bing. I had no idea, dude.
- 1026. No, that's really cool though.
- 1027. Wow.
- 1028. So this might be a weird question,
- 1029. but you spent a lot of time
in Zack's house growing up.
- 1030. Do you think Zack is capable
of hitting a woman?
- 1031. Hmm...
- 1032. Maybe if he's drunk enough
and she's hitting him,
- 1033. like fucking beating the shit
out of him or something, maybe.
- 1034. But I don't think Zack
would ever just
- 1035. like, just fucking strike a woman.
- 1036. I don't think he would ever do that.
- 1037. My stepmom and my dad?
- 1038. Um...
- 1039. Yeah. I mean all the time.
- 1040. They fucking - Most of the time,
they argued about me.
- 1041. Uh...
- 1042. Like once or twice,
the cops came to my house,
- 1043. but that was when I was young-young,
maybe like 10 or 12, you know what I mean?
- 1044. Not as a teenager. Lt never got.
- 1045. I don't think it ever got real physical.
- 1046. I think just the fight got real gnarly.
- 1047. I mean, shit, I've called the cops
on fucking Nina, my baby mama, before.
- 1048. Sometimes you just need the fight to stop.
- 1049. Oh!
- 1050. I don't know if you filmed the recording.
- 1051. That was a pretty, like,
- 1052. She just fucking loses her damn shit
- 1053. and she won't shut the fuck up.
- 1054. And it just keeps escalating
and escalating and escalating.
- 1055. You know, my deal with women,
- 1056. kind of the way I've dealt with it is,
- 1057. they get all fucking heated and mad about
shit or they're complaining about this,
- 1058. and I'm like,
"All right, I'm leaving. Bye."
- 1059. But if a fucking woman
is acting a fucking fool,
- 1060. they've been acting a fool,
you've asked them to stop,
- 1061. you've tried to get away
from the situation,
- 1062. you have done everything that you can do
to avoid the situation peacefully
- 1063. and she's coming at you wanting to argue
and fight like she's a fucking man,
- 1064. like she's ready to hurt you, that.
- 1065. You can't beat up women.
- 1066. But some bitches need to get slapped
sometimes. Does that make sense?
- 1067. You stayed with him
because at times he was sweet?
- 1068. So what gave you
the strength to finally leave him?
- 1069. It was 17 years.
- 1070. I don't like that. Even now,
I don't know what to do.
- 1071. Zack and I
went to court for child support.
- 1072. And, you know, it was like one of
those moments where I was just like,
- 1073. "Wow, what am I doing with my life?"
- 1074. Oh, you're so cool!
- 1075. You know, on one hand
of my brain, I'm like,
- 1076. "You shouldn't be around your kid ever.
You fucking suck."
- 1077. And then on the other hand,
I'm like, "No, that's my child!"
- 1078. "Happy Father's Day. I hope you all
get to spend some time with your fathers.
- 1079. The last time I talked to my dad,
- 1080. I argued and fought with him.
- 1081. I moved out the next day."
- 1082. The last time I came here,
it was his funeral.
- 1083. You don't want to think about it.
- 1084. Not necessarily.
- 1085. I feel like shaky and anxious,
- 1086. and I don't really
think about him that much.
- 1087. I've never been able to deal with myself
- 1088. because I'm so busy
- 1089. I'm not even convincing other people,
- 1090. I'm convincing myself
that I'm a good person.
- 1091. I feel like a clown, almost, you know?
- 1092. You paint up your face
and you put on your act for everybody,
- 1093. and you let that act become you.
- 1094. I've always been something to someone.
- 1095. You know, I was someone's daughter,
- 1096. someone's significant other
and then someone's mom.
- 1097. So it's like I never got that chance
to just figure myself out.
- 1098. I really wish I fucking
just could remember where it is.
- 1099. It would make this day a lot better
for me if I could just fucking find it.
- 1100. I don't want my son...
- 1101. I just don't want him to grow up
fucked up like me, you know?
- 1102. I can't let myself think that
the reason I have to struggle so hard
- 1103. is 'cause I fucking suck.
- 1104. I can't - You know,
that's what the drinking is about.
- 1105. That's what it's all about.
- 1106. I just want to hide.
I just want to run away.
- 1107. lt's such a crushing, hopeless feeling.
- 1108. It just sucks knowing
that you're your own enemy,
- 1109. that every decision
you ever made has culminated
- 1110. in how shitty your life is now.
- 1111. And there's no escaping it.
- 1112. I don't know if - I try to help you.
- 1113. Well, the reason why I wanted to make
this film was - Maybe you're right.
- 1114. Maybe I need to just move on
and not dwell on the past.
- 1115. I cut.
- 1116. Oh, my God.
- 1117. Fucking yes.
- 1118. I finally fucking found it.
- 1119. I'm so fucking happy.
- 1120. Fuck.
- 1121. Fuck!
- 1122. Let's - Let's go.
- 1123. I get mad at skateboarding, like, a lot,
but at the end of the day,
- 1124. I love it so much that
I can't stay mad at it.
- 1125. Yeah, so did my dad.
- 1126. But I love him to death.
- 1127. I'm about to do this shit.
Oh, my God, dude, I'm gonna fucking do it.
- 1128. I'm moving to Denver.
- 1129. Can't you wait another month?
- 1130. No.
- 1131. - Till it get warm?
- No, Mom.
- 1132. See you later, baby.
- 1133. - I made this for you.
- 1134. Stop!
- 1135. Cheese! Cheese!
- 1136. Awesome!
- 1137. Fuck!