1. That's how we do it in the hood.Copy !req
2. [boy 2]
That is not how we do it in the hood.Copy !req
3. - [boy 1] Now come up here.Copy !req
4. Always ignoring
the "no trespassing" signs.Copy !req
5. What are you talking about?
We didn't even see 'em.Copy !req
6. [boy 2] Scary, man.Copy !req
7. Bing, I think I'm gonna die.Copy !req
8. - [boy 1] We've got, like, six more.
- Are you fucking serious?Copy !req
9. We have a long way to go.
We're not even halfway.Copy !req
10. Okay, let's do it. Let's go up.
We're already going up. Come on, Kyle.Copy !req
11. - No, I'm not going up. We're going down.
- [boy 2] You guys just called me a pussy.Copy !req
12. We're going right back down.Copy !req
13. Now that I got the - Come on!
I just got the courage to do this.Copy !req
14. We're going down.
It's over. I'm bailing out.Copy !req
15. - Okay, I am with you. I don't want to die.
- I wanna go, but it's so scary.Copy !req
16. [boy 1] Your whole life, society tells you
like, "Oh, be a man!" and "You're strong!"Copy !req
17. And "You're tough!"
and "Margaritas are gay!"Copy !req
18. You know, like - You don't grow up
thinking that's the way you are.Copy !req
19. When you're a kid, you just do.
You just act.Copy !req
20. And then somewhere along the line,
everyone loses that.Copy !req
21. I really wanted to clean up
before you came over.Copy !req
22. I actually spend, like, the majority
of my time here alone.Copy !req
23. - Why do you think that is?
- Let's go downstairs.Copy !req
24. It's mainly just because I always felt
like I didn't fit in with my family.Copy !req
25. It seems like they don't understand
why I skateboarded in the first place.Copy !req
26. - Do not shoot that at my house!Copy !req
27. Sorry. I won't.Copy !req
28. See, this is why we're not allowed
to go anywhere, is this right here.Copy !req
29. - Oh! Oh! Oh!Copy !req
30. if you go behind - if you go behind
a tree, you're okay. You've got cover.Copy !req
31. Are you gonna put me smoking weed
in the thing?Copy !req
32. Maybe. I don't think just to do it.Copy !req
33. I've given you free range.
I mean, I have no stipulations.Copy !req
34. I've always needed more out of life,
more out of where I was.Copy !req
35. You know, my parents ran
this very controlling house,Copy !req
36. and so I ran away a lot.Copy !req
37. By, like, 16, I was no longer
living with my parents, like at all.Copy !req
38. I just wanted to fucking skate.Copy !req
39. Whoa!Copy !req
40. You ready for some
fucking intense action? Take one.Copy !req
41. No!Copy !req
42. I see that thing in there
moving around, Bing.Copy !req
43. I know you're playing
with my face or something.Copy !req
44. Stop filming, or he's going to crash.Copy !req
45. Somebody film! Somebody film!Copy !req
46. Oh, my God.Copy !req
47. Oh, shit! There's the cops.Copy !req
48. - Ah!
- No, don't do it hard!Copy !req
49. - Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! Ow!Copy !req
50. Dude, I'm, like, bleeding!
It's, like, in it.Copy !req
51. How long have you known Keire?Copy !req
52. Man, I wanna say
when I met Keire, he was, like, 11.Copy !req
53. He'd ride the bus to the park and then
he'd pretty much be stuck at the park.Copy !req
54. He'd have to ask everyone for money
so he could get enough for the bus home.Copy !req
55. Well, I remember the first time I met him.Copy !req
56. I was standing where the bikers transfer,Copy !req
57. and this dude hit me,
like, right in the ribs with his pegs.Copy !req
58. And I remember Zack,
he just starts screaming at this kid.Copy !req
59. "I'm gonna fucking beat your ass!"
Like, blah, blah, blah!Copy !req
60. So I was like,
"I want to be like that guy."Copy !req
61. Whoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
62. What did you think of me
when we were growing upCopy !req
63. and I was filming all of us?Copy !req
64. I always thought it was coolCopy !req
65. how you can put all these
different moments into one long videoCopy !req
66. and just make it
seem like the best time ever.Copy !req
67. God, no! You've been filming
the whole time?Copy !req
68. I thought you were, like,
taking a picture.Copy !req
69. Ah!Copy !req
70. It's just like he touched...Copy !req
71. She just drove by and didn't even care!Copy !req
72. God! Yes, yes!Copy !req
73. Fuck, yeah! Whoo!Copy !req
74. Skateboarding is more
of a family than my family.Copy !req
75. We formed a family together
to look out for each otherCopy !req
76. because no one else
was looking out for us.Copy !req
77. No, I'm not jumping in.Copy !req
78. It could be three feet, I'd just be like,
"Oh, shit, I'm drowning!"Copy !req
79. - No more smoking weed in the house.
- Good.Copy !req
80. That's no more smoking cigarettes
in the house either.Copy !req
81. Which I tried
to break myself of a while ago,Copy !req
82. but there's so much trash on my porch,Copy !req
83. and I just can't go
back out there and smoke.Copy !req
84. - I don't know, I guess, like -Copy !req
85. It's just a bunch of boxes,Copy !req
86. - from baby stuff.
- It's boxes. It's baby shit.Copy !req
87. Do you know how hard baby shit is
to put together?Copy !req
88. Do you know how ridiculous this shit is?Copy !req
89. They have five different languages
on the instructions, but not English.Copy !req
90. And I'm like,
"Why couldn't I have just bought this?"Copy !req
91. I don't understand why I had
to buy a box and put it together.Copy !req
92. It doesn't make any fucking sense.Copy !req
93. I can't believe that
she's just gonna have the baby,Copy !req
94. and then they're just gonna be like,
"Okay, here's your baby. Go home."Copy !req
95. I feel like somewhere along the line,Copy !req
96. there should be, like,
a class for this or somethingCopy !req
97. that I should have taken,
that I haven't fucked up.Copy !req
98. I feel like life might be moving too fast.Copy !req
99. We have to fully grow up,
and it's gonna fucking suck.Copy !req
100. - How'd you do that?Copy !req
101. - My beer! Oh, God! It's all over you.Copy !req
102. Yes!Copy !req
103. That is fucking rad.Copy !req
104. I love you, Keire.Copy !req
105. If somebody poked Keire in the eye,Copy !req
106. - I would freak the fuck out.
- Poked me in the eye?Copy !req
107. "Oh, you gonna poke niggas in the eye?"Copy !req
108. That guy would be mad at you
for saying "nigga"!Copy !req
109. Fuck 'em! He poked you in the eye.
He had it coming.Copy !req
110. Yeah, he did have it coming.
He poked me in the eye.Copy !req
111. Yeah, fuck that guy.Copy !req
112. Hey, Kyle, so how are you
gonna get down off the roof?Copy !req
113. Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm gonna watch the fucking fireworks.Copy !req
114. How are we gonna get you down, man?Copy !req
115. A ladder.Copy !req
116. We don't have a ladder, Kyle!Copy !req
117. I'm having a good time because I'm
up on the top level of my fucking roof.Copy !req
118. This isn't a joke.
You're all fucking wasted, dude!Copy !req
119. It's not a joke.Copy !req
120. You're all the way
on the fucking roof!Copy !req
121. But it's America's fucking birthday, dude.Copy !req
122. - In the land of the fucking free?Copy !req
123. - Dude, I'm telling you.
- I'm on this son-of-a-bitchin' roof, dude.Copy !req
124. Land of the fucking free
on this son-of-a-bitchin' roof.Copy !req
125. - Fucking fireworks, dude! Yes!Copy !req
126. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
127. Happy fucking birthday, dude!Copy !req
128. Whoo!Copy !req
129. Oh, my God, dude!Copy !req
130. - Fuck yes, America!Copy !req
131. I never thought I'd be okay
with changing a diaper,Copy !req
132. but I'm pretty okay with it.Copy !req
133. We've been tag-teaming it,
though, so it's easier.Copy !req
134. Yeah, it was so funny
because I had Zack give the baby a bottle,Copy !req
135. and Keire was like, "Oh, my God."
They were freaking out.Copy !req
136. Yeah, it weirded him out the whole time.Copy !req
137. He was like,
"I can't believe you're actually a dad."Copy !req
138. He was thrashing.Copy !req
139. - Oh, don't become grumpy.Copy !req
140. I would do anything for that kid.Copy !req
141. I wanna give him every opportunity
I possibly can to help him succeed,Copy !req
142. help him be happy, to be a good person.Copy !req
143. It's interesting how much having
a kid will force you to, like, grow up.Copy !req
144. I can't get home from work and fucking
drink a 12-pack like I normally do,Copy !req
145. 'cause what if I have to get up
and feed the kid?Copy !req
146. Or what if something happens
and I have to take him to the hospital?Copy !req
147. I don't know.Copy !req
148. Lately, I've been having a lot of anxiety
about not feeling like a grown-upCopy !req
149. and not feeling like I've done
enough things to set my life up properly,Copy !req
150. and it's time I do something, you know?Copy !req
151. So I need you to read over all of these.
These are the rules of the testing center.Copy !req
152. Okay. No cell phone, no computer.Copy !req
153. - Where do you work at?
- Uh, I'm a roofer.Copy !req
154. That's hard work.Copy !req
155. It is. That's why I'm taking this.Copy !req
156. I couldn't understand what
they wanted me to do, you know?Copy !req
157. Like, by the way it was written, I just...Copy !req
158. I was having trouble.Copy !req
159. I just didn't understand. That was rough.Copy !req
160. How are you today? What time is it?Copy !req
161. Oh.Copy !req
162. Fuck.Copy !req
163. Oh, man.Copy !req
164. I'm at home. Bring me some cigarettes
and a beer for me.Copy !req
165. I'll pay you when you get here.Copy !req
166. Talking about Keire
and his skateboarding, y'all.Copy !req
167. - Y'all know Keire and his skateboarding.
- Ah. Yeah, he be doing his little thing.Copy !req
168. What's good, cousin?Copy !req
169. I like talking shit to him,
being the little brotherCopy !req
170. being the youngest brother.Copy !req
171. You've got to think about it.
If he wasn't the youngest,Copy !req
172. he'd probably been running the streets
with us, you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
173. All I can say is I'm glad
he ain't where I'm at right now.Copy !req
174. I've got to go do a few days, you know.Copy !req
175. One thing about that, at least I got
an out date. Straight up.Copy !req
176. All right, bro.Copy !req
177. Socks.Copy !req
178. Keire is... quite different
from the others.Copy !req
179. I think about it a lot.Copy !req
180. 'Cause I want him
to start getting real seriousCopy !req
181. about what he's gonna be doing.Copy !req
182. I turned 18 in, uh, November.Copy !req
183. Ever since then, I just feel like
I should get a good job,Copy !req
184. or get, like, a job,
just a job in general.Copy !req
185. But I don't know. I'm becoming a man,Copy !req
186. and I feel like that's something
I got fucked over onCopy !req
187. because, like, my childhood
was a really shitty time.Copy !req
188. The fuck is wrong with you?
Throwing your fucking board at me?Copy !req
189. Hey, kid, what happened?Copy !req
190. What did he do?Copy !req
191. Still wanna fight me now?Copy !req
192. What happened?Copy !req
193. You know what? Hey!Copy !req
194. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
195. Keire, he held in a lot.Copy !req
196. And his dad, you know,Copy !req
197. he was really kind of strict on him.Copy !req
198. You know, his father was -
He was a carpenter,Copy !req
199. and he wanted Keire to do that.Copy !req
200. Because he couldn't get the other boys
to follow his footsteps.Copy !req
201. But Keire didn't like it.Copy !req
202. - Damn it!
- Come on, hurry!Copy !req
203. - Yeah!
- Do it, do it!Copy !req
204. I don't know. Sometimes I'd know
that I'd have to work with him,Copy !req
205. so I would sneak out my window.Copy !req
206. I'd throw my board out first
and just climb out.Copy !req
207. Then when I got home, I got disciplined.Copy !req
208. And I wasn't able to skate for a while.Copy !req
209. How did you get disciplined?Copy !req
210. Uh...Copy !req
211. I mean, well, they call it
child abuse now,Copy !req
212. but it's not really chi - Um...Copy !req
213. Bitch! Ah!Copy !req
214. That shit makes you angry,
like, oh, GodCopy !req
215. It, like, boils my blood, dude.
Like, oh, fuck.Copy !req
216. Fuck!Copy !req
217. How bad did it get?
Like, did you ever cry?Copy !req
218. Oh, of course. Of course, like...Copy !req
219. I mean...Copy !req
220. Wouldn't you?Copy !req
221. I did cry.Copy !req
222. I feel like everybody cries.Copy !req
223. Is this the board you bought here?Copy !req
224. - Uh...
- I think you did a while ago.Copy !req
225. I remember we had this board in the shop.Copy !req
226. I don't buy boards that much anymore,
'cause I don't skate that much anymore.Copy !req
227. Dude, tell me about it.
I don't skate nearly enough.Copy !req
228. I don't really remember
when I first met you.Copy !req
229. I just - You were just that kid
that was always there, you know, like...Copy !req
230. You'd come into the skate shop.Copy !req
231. I don't know,
we'd talk about random stuff.Copy !req
232. And that happened with a lot of kids.Copy !req
233. And they could come in and be like,Copy !req
234. "Yeah, dude, my parents suck,"
or, "This is going on"...Copy !req
235. And they'd come in and unload, you know?Copy !req
236. But, like, you were introverted,
and I didn't know,Copy !req
237. and I remember distinctly asking you
if you were gay.Copy !req
238. - Do you remember that at all?
- No.Copy !req
239. I asked you, like,
"Dude, are you gay? Like, what's"...Copy !req
240. I knew you had some huge weight on you.Copy !req
241. And you were like, "Nah, dude," you know?Copy !req
242. But I can't remember when you
opened up to me about your mom and stuff,Copy !req
243. but you never really told me about
anything about what was going on with you.Copy !req
244. And I guess in retrospect now,
when I look at it, I'm like...Copy !req
245. I should have totally figured that out.Copy !req
246. I could tell with you,
from the very beginning,Copy !req
247. skateboarding meant more to you
than just being cool and having friends.Copy !req
248. It was your thing to, like, get away.Copy !req
249. It was kind of a life-or-death thing.Copy !req
250. To other people, it's funny.
"Ha, ha. Oh, these guys are crazy."Copy !req
251. But in reality,
I think it's a control thing.Copy !req
252. You fucking have to control
the most minute, small detailsCopy !req
253. to make you feel normal
in a world that's not normal.Copy !req
254. It would kind of be like a drug, in a way.Copy !req
255. Like, I could seriously be on the verge
of having a fucking mental breakdown,Copy !req
256. but as long as I'm able to go skate,
then I'm completely fine.Copy !req
257. Yeah!Copy !req
258. Here goes nothing.Copy !req
259. As soon as the effect of the drug
wears off, it just comes back to you.Copy !req
260. So, what happened?
Did we get paid yesterday? Or...Copy !req
261. I don't know.Copy !req
262. I don't know either. I need my hours, man.Copy !req
263. I got kids to feed!Copy !req
264. Dude, my boss is seriously
such an asshole. It is crazy.Copy !req
265. Like, fucking - They're understaffed now,
and he just told me to clock out.Copy !req
266. My budget is already spent out for a week,
so I'm a week behind every time.Copy !req
267. So now I have to figure out how to come up
with three extra hoursCopy !req
268. on a schedule
that I'm barely fucking on.Copy !req
269. According to research
from the University of Illinois,Copy !req
270. about 47% of all Rockford workers -
60,000 totalCopy !req
271. earn less than $15 per hour.Copy !req
272. Rockford has struggled
with unemployment for years.Copy !req
273. Companies have left. So have the jobs.Copy !req
274. Out of all of Illinois,Copy !req
275. Rockford has seen the largest number
of people move away since 2010.Copy !req
276. How many people
are gonna be at that table?Copy !req
277. Could be anywhere from 12 to 15.Copy !req
278. Great.Copy !req
279. Yeah, you took the hardest one. Good job.Copy !req
280. There you go. There you go.
I'll get you all lined up there.Copy !req
281. Come on, bud.Copy !req
282. I feel weird 'cause like... I don't know,Copy !req
283. 'cause I like talk to my baby
like baby voicing.Copy !req
284. I mean, he's a fucking baby. That's how
you talk to him. I'm not gonna be like,Copy !req
285. "All right, Elliot, we're
gonna put your clothes on, little buddy!"Copy !req
286. Nah, nahCopy !req
287. It's, like, she works and I watch him,
or I work and she watches him.Copy !req
288. I don't know. And other than that,
we're both pretty much around.Copy !req
289. All right.Copy !req
290. Here you go.
Is that that action you wanted?Copy !req
291. Is that that action you like?Copy !req
292. It's a hard-knock life being a baby.Copy !req
293. It's gotta be stressful.
You've saved a bunch of timeCopy !req
294. by not having to walk
and go to the bathroom, but...Copy !req
295. And then someone just cleans it for you.
Someone feeds you every three hours.Copy !req
296. See, I've been off work all week,
which normally never happens.Copy !req
297. I haven't left this house in five days
'cause I haven't had time to do anything,Copy !req
298. and I get cooped up super, super easily.Copy !req
299. So that, you know,
has been driving me nuts.Copy !req
300. Is that what you want?
You wanna come up here?Copy !req
301. Hey, Mama's here!Copy !req
302. - How was work?
- Eh.Copy !req
303. How was after-work drinks?Copy !req
304. Geez, girl,
no wonder you're always broke.Copy !req
305. - Those things are probably, like, $7.
- They're $4.Copy !req
306. Are you gonna feed him?Copy !req
307. No, I told you to. I have to, like,
get ready and meet Jess.Copy !req
308. - What? You did not tell me that.
- Yeah, I did.Copy !req
309. You said, "I'm gonna feed him."
You can't just feed him - Like, 11 hours?Copy !req
310. - Now you're going out to the bar?
- You did that for five months.Copy !req
311. - You can't feed your fucking kid?
- You can't do it one day?Copy !req
312. You can't feed him? What the fuck?
I'll feed him the bottle.Copy !req
313. Just feed him the solid food.
That's all I want you to do.Copy !req
314. His bottle's only three ounces.
He'll drink that in five minutes.Copy !req
315. Then I've gotta take care of him
all fucking night still.Copy !req
316. I haven't even gotten
my fucking jacket off.Copy !req
317. Why can't you just feed him?Copy !req
318. I was a stay-at-home mom,Copy !req
319. and you said,
"I work. You take care of Elliot."Copy !req
320. And I did. And now I'm working.Copy !req
321. Right, and you show up
somewhere between 8:00 and 9:00.Copy !req
322. - Just in time to put him to bed.
- That's a fucking lie too!Copy !req
323. That's a lie too. That happened twice.Copy !req
324. Last night was the only night
you stayed home all fucking week.Copy !req
325. That's a fucking lie, and you know it!Copy !req
326. - Whatever, you're an idiot. Just go away.
- No, you're a fucking idiot.Copy !req
327. I mean,
she's, like, going through something now.Copy !req
328. She's newly 21
and wants to go out every night.Copy !req
329. And I told her, I'm like,
"You had a kid. Too late."Copy !req
330. I love that girl.
I do want to be with her.Copy !req
331. I just want her to chill the fuck out.Copy !req
332. And I feel like
it's just been me, like a lot,Copy !req
333. while she gets to go out every night
and do whatever the fuck she wants.Copy !req
334. Drives me fricking insane.Copy !req
335. My friend messaged me.Copy !req
336. He was like, "Hey, I can get you
a job tomorrow if you want it."Copy !req
337. And I was like, "Yeah."Copy !req
338. But he was like, "But just to warn you,
it's really hard work."Copy !req
339. I don't like telling people
that I'm a dishwasher,Copy !req
340. but then again, I really don't care,
'cause it's how I make money.Copy !req
341. It's, like, definitely my first real job.Copy !req
342. But I just don't want to work some job
that I hate for the rest of my life.Copy !req
343. The Main Street Skatepark,
aka "the park Zack built."Copy !req
344. Main Street Skatepark was
a skate park I had started with a guyCopy !req
345. that had run a gym for a long time,Copy !req
346. and he was looking for an extra source
of income during the winter months.Copy !req
347. You know, I had told him,
"I have all this wood.Copy !req
348. We could build a skate park."Copy !req
349. I'm calling it the Keire box right now,Copy !req
350. because it's really weird-shaped
and long, crazy...Copy !req
351. What the fuck?Copy !req
352. That's how you are too.Copy !req
353. Keire just walks around like...Copy !req
354. Just lanky, like your arms are six feet
in front of you at all times.Copy !req
355. We have two-by-fours.Copy !req
356. - Boom.Copy !req
357. A-one and a-two and a-three...Copy !req
358. My father was a carpenter. I learned
a lot from him and a lot from my family.Copy !req
359. In the '80s,
my father started a skate parkCopy !req
360. in my grandmother's roller rink.Copy !req
361. And they managed
the only indoor skate park in the areaCopy !req
362. for eight years, or something like that.Copy !req
363. I was kind of raised to,
you know, do what you want to do.Copy !req
364. And then somewhere along the line,
he just, like, flipped a switch,Copy !req
365. like, wanted to become
like a conservative American.Copy !req
366. All of a sudden, there were
all these rules and expectations.Copy !req
367. They were, like, pushing me into this moldCopy !req
368. of someone they thought was a good person.Copy !req
369. And I'm like, "Fuck that!"Copy !req
370. I remember when I was a kid,Copy !req
371. we fucking sang punk music
and fucking smoked joints.Copy !req
372. Like, you know, fuck that.Copy !req
373. All right, fine, I'll find a babysitter
then, and then fuck you.Copy !req
374. I guess I'll talk to you later.Copy !req
375. First of all, you're supposed to have him
until 6:00 p.m.Copy !req
376. so I get my Saturday dates.Copy !req
377. You knew since Monday
that I had plans today.Copy !req
378. Zack, you shouldn't have fucking
made plans for a Saturday.Copy !req
379. Because this is supposed to be my day.
I never get a day to myself.Copy !req
380. - You get days off all the time.
- No, I don't.Copy !req
381. - I only get two days off a week.
- When do I get a day to myself?Copy !req
382. - This is supposed to be my day - today.
- Okay, bye, Nina.Copy !req
383. Ain't that just the way?Copy !req
384. Have you and Nina
ever, like, just tried talking it out?Copy !req
385. Successfully? Nope.Copy !req
386. He's just so excited.Copy !req
387. I know.Copy !req
388. He's had a good day. We're just
playing outside and doing fun stuff, huh?Copy !req
389. We have a fire going. Oh, yeah,
you want to put some boards on it?Copy !req
390. - Yeah.
- Okay, I'll hold the baby.Copy !req
391. You put some boards on there.Copy !req
392. Me and Zack just fought a lot,
and eventually, I just had to leave him.Copy !req
393. Like, I can't do this anymore.Copy !req
394. Look at Mama.Copy !req
395. Especially being a mom,Copy !req
396. you don't want to see your kid
in an environment like that.Copy !req
397. - This should be good, right?
- Yep.Copy !req
398. I didn't really have anywhere to go.Copy !req
399. And my aunt and uncle, they just wound up
being like, "Hey, we wanna help you."Copy !req
400. - It's down there?
- Yeah.Copy !req
401. In a perfect world,
me and Zack would still be together.Copy !req
402. But, I don't know,
I want it to work out with him.Copy !req
403. He just doesn't get it.Copy !req
404. I feel like a lot of our parents
are not together.Copy !req
405. Were your parents divorced?Copy !req
406. Well, he stayed with his dadCopy !req
407. because he told me
he could raise him better,Copy !req
408. because he could
teach him things that I couldn't.Copy !req
409. I really hope
that I don't get back in thereCopy !req
410. and there'll be the same amount of boxes.Copy !req
411. You know, like, I lived with my dad,Copy !req
412. but he kept trying to make me work,
like, every single weekend.Copy !req
413. And I was like, "Come on.
I've got to skate. I've got to skate."Copy !req
414. Fuck.Copy !req
415. Then we got in, like, a fight.Copy !req
416. He was like, "I'm your dad.
You're going to work."Copy !req
417. And I was just like, "No."Copy !req
418. Then I tried to punch him.Copy !req
419. And then I moved out, like, the next day.Copy !req
420. Yeah, actually, one of the last things
I said to my dad was, "I hate you."Copy !req
421. I was just so fucking angry
'cause he just kicked my ass.Copy !req
422. Did you see any violence in
your household when you were growing up?Copy !req
423. I don't know, man.
That's - That's a tough question.Copy !req
424. It's hard - It depends on
what you determine is violent.Copy !req
425. When I was a kid,
if I was fucking up...Copy !req
426. I got my ass whupped.
I feel, like, everyone does.Copy !req
427. I meanCopy !req
428. some people got it worse
than other people.Copy !req
429. Yeah.Copy !req
430. This was my dad's closet, specifically,Copy !req
431. and he'd hide everything right here,Copy !req
432. like my PlayStation controllers,
entire computers, toys.Copy !req
433. And then his vintage porn was, like,
in the corner right there in a stackCopy !req
434. along with, like, several firearms
that were on the floor.Copy !req
435. I used to judge my relationship with
my father based on a day-to-day basisCopy !req
436. on how many things I've done
to piss him off in that given day.Copy !req
437. And this day, that I was here
playing on the computer,Copy !req
438. felt like a good day,Copy !req
439. that I hadn't done anything wrong.Copy !req
440. It all went without a hitch.
We hadn't talked very much.Copy !req
441. There wasn't much opportunity
for me to do anything bad.Copy !req
442. But then he just comes in, looks at me.Copy !req
443. I turn up and look at him,Copy !req
444. and he just says
that I look fucking stupid.Copy !req
445. And he walks out,
and I thought that was the end of it.Copy !req
446. I was like, "Oh, well, okay.
That's not too bad."Copy !req
447. But then he comes back in
with a pair of, like, meat scissorsCopy !req
448. and he just starts...Copy !req
449. He just, like, grabs my head
and starts hacking my hair off.Copy !req
450. I always shut the doors because,
you know, it keeps theCopy !req
451. It keeps the heat in.Copy !req
452. That was another thing worth punishing.Copy !req
453. Where was your room?Copy !req
454. Oh, my room, that's right.
This used to be my brother's room.Copy !req
455. Eh, that's true. Um, yeah.Copy !req
456. I remember hearing beating
and screaming coming from your room,Copy !req
457. and it was likeCopy !req
458. unnerving screams
of anguish, almost, and it was, likeCopy !req
459. really, really unnerving.Copy !req
460. It was almost scarring.Copy !req
461. Mom?Copy !req
462. Yeah, I have to wash my clothes
and my blankets.Copy !req
463. And my - my blankets. I just need two.Copy !req
464. Okay.Copy !req
465. - Thank you.
- She said put one in each wash.Copy !req
466. - Okay. Thank you.
- All right.Copy !req
467. My mom has this new boyfriend,
and I don't really like him.Copy !req
468. So do you have
a new, uh, man in your life?Copy !req
469. A new man in my life?Copy !req
470. - Yeah.Copy !req
471. Hey, ain't that sort of personal there?Copy !req
472. Oh...Copy !req
473. Yeah?Copy !req
474. I'll be back in a minute.Copy !req
475. He said, "What the hey?"Copy !req
476. Zack, look up.Copy !req
477. Aw, Elliot, it's all up in your neck.Copy !req
478. My family, when I grew up,
we were all very distant.Copy !req
479. It was very chaotic and I'd just stay
in my room the whole time.Copy !req
480. I think 'cause of the way that I grew up,
I really desperately craved love.Copy !req
481. I think my dad had me
when he was 21?Copy !req
482. And my mom left
when I was two or something.Copy !req
483. And so I think I was always looking
for somethingCopy !req
484. from my dad that I didn't get.Copy !req
485. Like, maybe something that
I was supposed to get from my mom.Copy !req
486. Oh, no, it's okay, it's okay.
Elliot, rip that off.Copy !req
487. - Oh, all right!Copy !req
488. - Bye, baby.Copy !req
489. - I loves you. Give me a hug.
- I love you.Copy !req
490. Love you, Nina.Copy !req
491. I was telling Bing about how you went on
a date with Katie and I almost killed her.Copy !req
492. - Yeah.
- Lt was bad.Copy !req
493. No, like, I usually don't
get like that, but.Copy !req
494. She showed up at 11:00 at night
with this other girl ready to fight.Copy !req
495. See this? You see what I'm dealing
with all the time? This little bitch.Copy !req
496. Oh! Oh, yeah, real slick there.Copy !req
497. Fuck!Copy !req
498. You got this.Copy !req
499. All right, man. Here it is.Copy !req
500. - Yeah!
- Fuck, yeah!Copy !req
501. That trick made me want to touch my body,
Keire. I'm not gonna lie.Copy !req
502. - Oh, my God.
- Fuck, dude.Copy !req
503. That looks fucked up.Copy !req
504. That was crazy.Copy !req
505. This is the result of all those timesCopy !req
506. I ran away from home to the skate park.Copy !req
507. I would love for my dad to see
how much progress I've madeCopy !req
508. since I was a little shithead
trying to skateboard.Copy !req
509. Like, it would bother me.Copy !req
510. Maybe he'd just be like, "Ah, damn,
you weren't just wasting your life."Copy !req
511. I know their relationship
was definitely strained.Copy !req
512. And I don't think Keire really realized
how much his dad meant to himCopy !req
513. until his dad actually did pass away.Copy !req
514. The day that my dad died,
I had just got out of school.Copy !req
515. It was, like, a Friday,Copy !req
516. and, uh, I'd just got off the bus.Copy !req
517. My mom was just, like, freaking out.Copy !req
518. As soon as I got home,
she was freaking out.Copy !req
519. And she was like, "He's gone, he's gone!"
And I didn't wanna believe it.Copy !req
520. So I was all mad at her for saying that.Copy !req
521. I was like, "Dad's strong.
He's not dead. Whatever."Copy !req
522. And they brought him out on the stretcher,Copy !req
523. and I was just like, "Holy fuck."Copy !req
524. Like, he actually looks
kind of dead right there,Copy !req
525. and I was just like, "Fuck."Copy !req
526. And I don't know, it's just...Copy !req
527. I don't know, uhCopy !req
528. It's weird. It's justCopy !req
529. It's just really difficult
for me to explain right now.Copy !req
530. - Hey!
- Well, hey there, bud.Copy !req
531. Elliot.Copy !req
532. I love you.Copy !req
533. Ready? Come play with Daddy.Copy !req
534. Buddy, like this.
Just one finger, just one.Copy !req
535. Yeah!Copy !req
536. Hold him like this just real fast.Copy !req
537. All right, I'll hold him for a second.
Yeah, come here, bud.Copy !req
538. Yeah!Copy !req
539. We're gonna make it through the poles?
We're gonna make it? Whoa!Copy !req
540. So what, uh...Copy !req
541. What have you guys been up to?Copy !req
542. Uh, lately, we've been adjusting to...Copy !req
543. I don't know. I asked
if I could see my son every day,Copy !req
544. and I only get to see him,
like, three times a week.Copy !req
545. It's really been bumming me out.
And she's been, like.Copy !req
546. She's talking a bunch of shit, you know,Copy !req
547. calling me a piece of shit
and all this stuff andCopy !req
548. - It got out of control, man. I don't know.
- All right, so this is the video.Copy !req
549. Get off of me! I hate you!Copy !req
550. I don't trust you!Copy !req
551. 'Cause I hate you
and I will fucking stab you.Copy !req
552. I will fucking stab you
in the fucking neck, Zack!Copy !req
553. - Fucking die, die, die!
- Knock it off!Copy !req
554. So fucking bugged, dude.Copy !req
555. Get off me!Copy !req
556. - Then stop it!
- Die!Copy !req
557. - Are you going to stop?
- Die!Copy !req
558. You're doing this, I'm already -
It's like you want me to fucking kill you.Copy !req
559. You're asking for it!Copy !req
560. Kyle showed me some recordings
of you and Zack fighting.Copy !req
561. - I bet he did.Copy !req
562. What - What were those fights about?Copy !req
563. What were they like? Why did they...Copy !req
564. Well, if he showed you the one
where I'm like,Copy !req
565. "Zack, I'm gonna fucking kill you
right now,"Copy !req
566. he beat my ass ten minutes
before Kyle took that video.Copy !req
567. And he didn't decide to record that part.Copy !req
568. You know I've got a scar
going down my eyebrow.Copy !req
569. I've got - He broke
his coffee tables with my body.Copy !req
570. Like...Copy !req
571. Obviously, I'm not in the state of mind -
I'm not - I'm going crazy at this point.Copy !req
572. Because I'm a little girl.
You know what I mean?Copy !req
573. And you have wasted Zack doing all that,Copy !req
574. and then it's like, yeah, I'm gonna.Copy !req
575. Yeah, of course I'm gonna tell you
I'm gonna fucking kill you if you do.Copy !req
576. You know? I don't know.Copy !req
577. I didn't know that.
Why was he hitting you?Copy !req
578. Um, he gets wasted.Copy !req
579. He, you know - We'll start fightingCopy !req
580. and then he'll take it
completely out of control and...Copy !req
581. But, I mean, that's not the first time
it's happened either, that recording.Copy !req
582. And I mean, I've been pretty bruised up.Copy !req
583. I'd have, like... From him hitting me,Copy !req
584. I'd have, like,
a huge bruise just all over.Copy !req
585. And then, you know,
he'd see them the next dayCopy !req
586. and he wouldn't even say anything,Copy !req
587. not even a sorry or anything like that.Copy !req
588. We'd just kind of ignore it
like it didn't happen.Copy !req
589. So.Copy !req
590. In a way, your footage
will offset with my footageCopy !req
591. because this is the only time
that I haven't shot in the movie.Copy !req
592. So it's like it - You know...Copy !req
593. So, like, even when during the interview,Copy !req
594. when you shoot me
and getting my reaction shots,Copy !req
595. it'll like... I don't know.Copy !req
596. We moved to Rockford
when I was eight or nine,Copy !req
597. and my mom met my stepfather.Copy !req
598. One day when she was working
at the pizza restaurant, this man came in.Copy !req
599. He had been a regular.
He'd seen her before.Copy !req
600. Um, and he started getting to know her.Copy !req
601. And then one day, he followed her home,
found out where we lived, andCopy !req
602. then he became my stepdad.Copy !req
603. But, um, you know,
I think that I was blaming herCopy !req
604. for sort of abandoning me
when I was a kid.Copy !req
605. Mom, can you clap your hands
just in front of your face?Copy !req
606. Okay.Copy !req
607. - What's that for?Copy !req
608. It's for a sound thing for later.
Can you see my face okay?Copy !req
609. - No, not - Now is okay.
- Now? Okay.Copy !req
610. So I'll just try to hold it here for now.Copy !req
611. Now that - Right,
I can see your eyes. You're a little...Copy !req
612. I know it's hard
with all the lights. I'm sorry.Copy !req
613. Um, so I'm curious. Uh...Copy !req
614. - Who's Dennis?
- Hold on one sec.Copy !req
615. - Oh.
- Sorry.Copy !req
616. Okay. Sorry, Bing.Copy !req
617. Who is Dennis? Why did you ask that?Copy !req
618. Um, because...Copy !req
619. You know who he is.Copy !req
620. Well, I don't feel like I know who he is.Copy !req
621. Did you know that, umCopy !req
622. the first time I was ever alone with him,
that's when he grabbed me?Copy !req
623. He did - He what?Copy !req
624. The first time I was ever alone with him
was the first time.Copy !req
625. - He beat you?
- He grabbed me and beat me, yeah.Copy !req
626. I mean, how much did you know
about what was happening?Copy !req
627. - Because you were always gone working.
- Right.Copy !req
628. Because he had retired pretty soon
after you and him married.Copy !req
629. Right.Copy !req
630. And so you weren't home that much.
I was just with him.Copy !req
631. I think, uh...Copy !req
632. I don't - I don't know what to say now.Copy !req
633. I wish I can go over it
and do again, do differently,Copy !req
634. but I really don't know what to say now.Copy !req
635. It's all past. L...Copy !req
636. I did not know it was that bad.Copy !req
637. I did not know he was that bad,
especially behind me.Copy !req
638. I was...Copy !req
639. I wish I was stronger than - I wasn't.Copy !req
640. I don't know. L...Copy !req
641. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
642. What.Copy !req
643. I mean, but didn't he...Copy !req
644. When was the first time that he hurt you?Copy !req
645. I don't know what happened.
He come to choke me.Copy !req
646. Yeah, he have a few times...Copy !req
647. So.Copy !req
648. But the thing is, as I tell youCopy !req
649. with him...Copy !req
650. The city of Rockford is rankedCopy !req
651. as the number two most dangerous city
with a population under 200,000 people.Copy !req
652. Last year, the Department
of Justice created a 63-page reportCopy !req
653. just for Rockford to help it
with its violent crime problem.Copy !req
654. The Rockford police departmentCopy !req
655. presenting final crime statistics
for 2015.Copy !req
656. About a fourth of that violent crimeCopy !req
657. can be attributed
to domestic violence incidents.Copy !req
658. You know what I found out today?Copy !req
659. Skateboarding taught me how to be
passionate. That's where it all started.Copy !req
660. - That's where it all started?
- Yeah.Copy !req
661. - I'm telling you.Copy !req
662. - I didn't mean to laugh at you.
- [boy 1] It's all right.Copy !req
663. - I knew you were probably just kidding.
- I don't like emotions.Copy !req
664. That's why - I mean, I'm like my dad.Copy !req
665. "There's no such thing as emotion,
only work and getting back to it."Copy !req
666. "if you work hard enough,
all your problems will go away."Copy !req
667. Hello?Copy !req
668. All right, I'll be down
in, like, five minutes. Hold on.Copy !req
669. - [boy 2] Zack.
- Hmm?Copy !req
670. [boy 2]
I thought you weren't with Nina anymore.Copy !req
671. Um, I'm not really.
We're, like, talking now.Copy !req
672. - How was work?Copy !req
673. EhCopy !req
674. - It was okay.
- I like your hair. It's all swirly.Copy !req
675. I'm sorry. I won't be nice to you
next time. I'll not say anything.Copy !req
676. No, your hair looks like shit, Nina.Copy !req
677. - You're welcome.
- I'm not used to you being nice to me.Copy !req
678. Nah, nah, nah, nah.Copy !req
679. - Stop, Zack! I'm driving!Copy !req
680. - Trying to be a real badass, huh?
- I'm driving.Copy !req
681. - You're freaking Elliot out.Copy !req
682. Elliot's not freaked out.Copy !req
683. Maybe he's a little freaked out. Nah!Copy !req
684. Stop!Copy !req
685. All right, I'll be back.
Veggie burrito, potatoes, horchata.Copy !req
686. So you guys are looking
better than ever? Like, what's.Copy !req
687. I'm gonna take it day by day,Copy !req
688. because I feel like
he's just gonna let me down again.Copy !req
689. So, if I don't take him seriously,Copy !req
690. I'm not gonna be let down.Copy !req
691. So I'm just going with it, I guess.Copy !req
692. - To him?
- Yeah.Copy !req
693. Don't. That's a bad - That is... No.Copy !req
694. I just think it's so prevalent,
the, like, violence towards womenCopy !req
695. and I saw it towards my mother,
and I just think it's...Copy !req
696. Right. I don't think they.Copy !req
697. She had the same idea. She was like,
"I don't want to speak out," you know?Copy !req
698. Right, I mean...Copy !req
699. I don't know, especially with me and him
kind of being okay right nowCopy !req
700. and like hanging out,
all that would go down the drain.Copy !req
701. Okay.Copy !req
702. - But, yeah.Copy !req
703. That took a long time.Copy !req
704. Fifty bucks.Copy !req
705. - That's 50?
- Yeah.Copy !req
706. I'm fucking beat, dude.Copy !req
707. Like, I don't know
what else to say. I'm beat.Copy !req
708. Wait a second.Copy !req
709. Dude, what's today?Copy !req
710. I thought it was fucking Friday!Copy !req
711. I don't have to go back to work.Copy !req
712. Yes! Oh, my God! Yes. Oh, my God.Copy !req
713. I got my car probably a month or two ago.Copy !req
714. How many people do you know
have a portable ledge on the back?Copy !req
715. I quit.Copy !req
716. I feel, like, if I stay here,
I'm just gonna get stuck here.Copy !req
717. But moving out has always been scary.Copy !req
718. I don't wanna just move out
and by the time rent comes around,Copy !req
719. I don't have the money, because
then I look stupid and irresponsible.Copy !req
720. What's good, Marlon?Copy !req
721. Yo.Copy !req
722. - Yo, we're filming that rap video.
- We're filming a rap video.Copy !req
723. Ain't got women either.
Where's the women?Copy !req
724. - No, we're not guilty.Copy !req
725. - I believe that.
- We didn't do it!Copy !req
726. He's like,
"That's what they all say."Copy !req
727. You see that shit right there,
like, right above the speedometer.Copy !req
728. I have my registration
and my insurance and my license.Copy !req
729. So you don't have to reach
for anything in your pockets.Copy !req
730. Dude, the cop was like,
"License and registration."Copy !req
731. And I was like "Sure." And I reached
over there to the fucking glove box,Copy !req
732. and the cop over there was like...Copy !req
733. I was just like,
"Oh, whoa! Don't fucking shoot me."Copy !req
734. They're like, "Calm down!" I was like,
"What do you mean calm down?"Copy !req
735. - You guys fucking calm down.
- You fucking pulled your gun on meCopy !req
736. for obeying what you said.Copy !req
737. It's just a bunch of shit, you know.Copy !req
738. - Did you see that one?
- At, like, the gas station? Yeah.Copy !req
739. He's like,
"Give me your driver's license."Copy !req
740. That fucking terrifies me.Copy !req
741. So the guy goes in his car
to get his driver's licenseCopy !req
742. and the cop just shoots him,
like, four times.Copy !req
743. I could die really easily here.Copy !req
744. Dude, no, this is the funniest video
ever. I have to show you guys.Copy !req
745. Buff niggas, dark niggas.Copy !req
746. Asian niggas, white niggasCopy !req
747. [man2] Suck my dick, bitch!Copy !req
748. [man 1] Hundreds of niggas is waiting
for your motherfucking call.Copy !req
749. They all talking shit about you.Copy !req
750. Call these motherfuckers ASAP.Copy !req
751. Growing up,
my dad would always tell me,Copy !req
752. "Keire, you have a lot of white friends,
but don't forget that you're Black."Copy !req
753. Are you gonna take a nap, buddy?Copy !req
754. Look who's home! Hi!Copy !req
755. I'm going to try
to lay him down for a nap.Copy !req
756. Let me have a kiss first!Copy !req
757. I get him first!Copy !req
758. We didn't, like, hug or anything
in my family.Copy !req
759. So when I first moved out
from me and Zack's apartment,Copy !req
760. my aunt would give me a hug
every night before I went to bed.Copy !req
761. And it was so weird to me at first.Copy !req
762. I'd be like, "Oh, you're touching me.Copy !req
763. Don't, please!"Copy !req
764. And after a while it was like,
"Okay, I'm going to bed. Where's my hug?"Copy !req
765. It's nap time, baby.Copy !req
766. I never really knew what a family was.Copy !req
767. Are you okay?Copy !req
768. My aunt and uncle showed me that.Copy !req
769. They pretty much
adopted me at the age of 21.Copy !req
770. That stuff scares me. When he gets
on a skateboard, I'm just like...Copy !req
771. Mm-hmm.
You need to find him a little helmet.Copy !req
772. Yeah.Copy !req
773. Come on, bubba.Copy !req
774. Now I know what I want
my family to be like someday.Copy !req
775. How have, uh, you and Zack been?Copy !req
776. Um, same as always.
He's just doing his own thing. And...Copy !req
777. This looks like a job for Superman.Copy !req
778. Is it hard for you to move on from him?Copy !req
779. I mean, I don't go one day
without thinking about him,Copy !req
780. or worrying about him
or, like, wishing he'd call.Copy !req
781. And, you know, not even just for me,
but for Elliot too.Copy !req
782. I don't know.Copy !req
783. Why do you put up with that though?Copy !req
784. I mean, even though
I've seen the worst of him,Copy !req
785. you know, I know that there's
a lot of good things about him too.Copy !req
786. I need a fries, please,
for this steak sandwich.Copy !req
787. Here you are, sir.
All right, I'll go grab you a menu.Copy !req
788. Seriously, man.Copy !req
789. This is so much better than being
back there and having to do all of that.Copy !req
790. Right now, I don't have to ask my mom
for money. I can give her money.Copy !req
791. Our water was gonna get cut off,
and I helped pay the bill.Copy !req
792. I felt really good about that.Copy !req
793. With Zack,
we have drifted apart a little bitCopy !req
794. just 'cause I'm not over there,
like, every day.Copy !req
795. I started hanging out
with my younger skate friends again.Copy !req
796. I noticed that they were on a better path.Copy !req
797. What classes are you taking?Copy !req
798. - Graphic arts technology, graphic design.
- So, gen ed of liberal arts.Copy !req
799. I'm just gonna try to get
something general at firstCopy !req
800. - and see what kind ofjobs I can get.Copy !req
801. So you guys are getting your GEDs?Copy !req
802. Um, I am. Evan has his. He graduated.Copy !req
803. And like - I don't know. It's just,
I could prove people wrong.Copy !req
804. Oh, yeah, dude!Copy !req
805. I remembered something that
my dad told me about being Black.Copy !req
806. He said, "Being Black is coolCopy !req
807. because you get
to prove people wrong every day."Copy !req
808. Yeah.Copy !req
809. Like, you sound the way
that you sound, so you don't.Copy !req
810. You know, it's like
you just prove them wrong,Copy !req
811. and they probably feel a little shitty
for profiling you.Copy !req
812. I can't even imagine feeling like that.Copy !req
813. I was only - the only white kid for, like,
four years at Ellis in my class,Copy !req
814. so I had to learn real quick that
like, "Oh, shit, I'm in trouble."Copy !req
815. Like, right away, people were
mad at me for being whiteCopy !req
816. after our first history class.Copy !req
817. In reality, you don't have as much say,
'cause you are white.Copy !req
818. But you just get -
But I'm educated though.Copy !req
819. You're educated 'cause you went through
just as much high school as him?Copy !req
820. - 'Cause I fucking read and shit.
- So you know more than him?Copy !req
821. Even though your race didn't go through
the same things as his did?Copy !req
822. Because my race went through it
doesn't mean I went through it.Copy !req
823. Like, he doesn't have the same
disadvantages every day you don't have?Copy !req
824. There's a certain class of white
that's easy to be white in America.Copy !req
825. But then if you're, like,
trailer trash white and shit,Copy !req
826. then it's not easy to live in America.Copy !req
827. - I feel like it is easy though.
- Yeah.Copy !req
828. You could just cut your hair
and go and get a fucking jobCopy !req
829. 'cause they're not going
to look at you like...Copy !req
830. But when you're fucking stupid,
you can't do that.Copy !req
831. If you're stupid, you can't do that.Copy !req
832. When I was younger,Copy !req
833. I didn't really understand why my dad
would talk about being Black so much.Copy !req
834. But I remember, he was like,Copy !req
835. "if you could choose again,
choose to be Black."Copy !req
836. And at first, I didn't get it. I was like,Copy !req
837. "Why would you want to be Black
when all this shit's happening to us?"Copy !req
838. But he explained it as, like,Copy !req
839. because we have to deal with these issues,Copy !req
840. it just makes other things that
my white friends would complain aboutCopy !req
841. not even be a problem to me.Copy !req
842. My father's skate park went under
because of a downfall in skateboarding.Copy !req
843. Mine didn't succeed because
I got hooked up with a bad partner.Copy !req
844. One day, he calls me and he's like,
"Hey, I'm gonna go on a vacation."Copy !req
845. And I fucking never heard
from the dude again. Never.Copy !req
846. Come to find out
the guy had never paid any of our bills.Copy !req
847. All the money we were making,
everything, he just was keeping it.Copy !req
848. That fucked me over. I mean, I've neverCopy !req
849. I don't feel like I've done anything
I've ever wanted to do with my life.Copy !req
850. There it is.
That's a five-day notice.Copy !req
851. I try not to come over here,
just like Zack and Kyle don't. Clearly.Copy !req
852. - I mean, do you even want to be here? No.
- Why is all that shit broken?Copy !req
853. - What?
- The ground.Copy !req
854. - The ground?
- Yeah, what is all this?Copy !req
855. Poop. This is all poop, dude.Copy !req
856. All right, let's get out
of this fucking place.Copy !req
857. I feel like I never see Zack.Copy !req
858. I remember when I used to skip school,Copy !req
859. and I was just like,
"Oh, he didn't finish school.Copy !req
860. He's doing fine. I'll be fine."Copy !req
861. Yeah, but I see them now,
I'm like, "Fuck."Copy !req
862. I don't know. I don't think
they have electricity right now.Copy !req
863. - That's kinda...
- Yeah, that's what I heard.Copy !req
864. That's fucked up.Copy !req
865. When I was younger, everyone just
seemed like they had it all figured out.Copy !req
866. Which was the dumbest thing
that I could have ever told myself.Copy !req
867. No one knows what the fuck they're doing.Copy !req
868. What kind of filming are we doing,Copy !req
869. the kind where I pretend you're not there
or the other kind?Copy !req
870. Where we talk the whole time.Copy !req
871. Okay.Copy !req
872. All right, think I got it?Copy !req
873. Oh!Copy !req
874. I didn't plan on moving out here at all.Copy !req
875. This broad that lives out here hit me up.
She bought me a plane ticket,Copy !req
876. got me like a $180 Uber
to the fucking Milwaukee airport.Copy !req
877. Came out here.Copy !req
878. I was originally gonna be
out here for two weeks.Copy !req
879. And she's like, "No, you're just going
to live with me now."Copy !req
880. You know?Copy !req
881. I'm not picky.
I was like, "All right."Copy !req
882. I don't know. I'm doing pretty good
out here though. I'm working.Copy !req
883. I've been drinking a lot less and
I'm definitely not fucking off as much.Copy !req
884. What's this one? Oh, fucking roast beef.Copy !req
885. Can you hear me
in your headphones right now?Copy !req
886. Yeah.Copy !req
887. There's liquor in this cup.Copy !req
888. All right, so West State Street...Copy !req
889. There's Walnut,
so I need to be going that way.Copy !req
890. take a ride?Copy !req
891. What?Copy !req
892. - Mama.
- Baby.Copy !req
893. Take a ride.Copy !req
894. What?Copy !req
895. Take a ride.Copy !req
896. Zack told me that
he was going to Colorado,Copy !req
897. but he said that he was only going
for a couple of days.Copy !req
898. And then he wound up calling meCopy !req
899. while he was there, like,
"Oh, I'm gonna stay here."Copy !req
900. When he does get stable,
he's gonna want to be with Elliot again,Copy !req
901. and he's gonna want to be a family,
'cause that's what he tells me.Copy !req
902. But then again,
all I really have is his word,Copy !req
903. which I don't even know if that's true,Copy !req
904. because there are so many lies.Copy !req
905. You know what I mean?Copy !req
906. Oh, I'm drunk as fuck.
This is a perfect night.Copy !req
907. It's hard to get who Zack actually is,Copy !req
908. because there's so many versions
of him that he'll tell you about.Copy !req
909. It's frustrating,
'cause you're supposed to be my homey,Copy !req
910. but I feel like I don't know the real you.Copy !req
911. You spilled juice
all over your pants. It's okay.Copy !req
912. Oh, hi, Elliot. Hey, Nina.Copy !req
913. - Hi.
- You look cute.Copy !req
914. Yeah, I figure if I'm gonna
go do this at the courthouse,Copy !req
915. I need to look presentable.Copy !req
916. He needs to know
that there's consequences.Copy !req
917. Like, you can't just have a child
and abandon them.Copy !req
918. Life doesn't work like that,
and he needs a reality check.Copy !req
919. And I feel like, you know,
this is a good way to do that.Copy !req
920. I'm here to try and start
the process of child support.Copy !req
921. You said child support?Copy !req
922. Maybe that will also encourage him
to want to come around more.Copy !req
923. It's, like, maybe if he's paying for him,
he'll want to see him, you know?Copy !req
924. I don't know.Copy !req
925. I'm just trying to do what I can, I guess.Copy !req
926. I'm just playing. Don't start crying.
Look how much fun jumping is thoughCopy !req
927. when you don't have to cry.Copy !req
928. Mom. Mom, she's making noises.Copy !req
929. Come on, come on...Copy !req
930. See, everyone loves Grandma.
No one likes their uncle.Copy !req
931. Are you still with -
Are you still with your boyfriend?Copy !req
932. What boyfriend?Copy !req
933. I thought you had
a boyfriend for a while.Copy !req
934. No, he wasn't a boyfriend.
He was a stupid friend.Copy !req
935. No. He's not around anymore,
thank goodness.Copy !req
936. Gonna throw you off!Copy !req
937. The older I get,
the more I think about it,Copy !req
938. and I feel like there's a part of me
that really loves my family.Copy !req
939. - All right, all right, calm down.
- Ah!Copy !req
940. I guess because family
will always be there,Copy !req
941. but friends, kind of, can come and go.Copy !req
942. - Stop it!
- God.Copy !req
943. - What's up, fool? How you doing?
- What's up, guy?Copy !req
944. - How's it going?
- Good.Copy !req
945. I know. Happy to be home,
I'll tell you what.Copy !req
946. - Let's do this.
- God, Zack.Copy !req
947. - Zack!Copy !req
948. Denver wasn't really my style.Copy !req
949. I felt like a lot of the people
that were down there,Copy !req
950. a lot of them were privileged.Copy !req
951. And so Sam, my current girlfriend,
flew me back out to Rockford.Copy !req
952. I have Sam's name tattooed
on my wrist now.Copy !req
953. When did you get Sam's name
tattooed on your wrist?Copy !req
954. - When or why?
- Uh, Saturday?Copy !req
955. I don't know.Copy !req
956. - She paid for it.
- I paid for it.Copy !req
957. Do you feel concerned that Elliot's
gonna grow up, like, messed up?Copy !req
958. I'm 50-50 about it.Copy !req
959. Lately, I have been concerned
over my influence on him.Copy !req
960. And as he gets olderCopy !req
961. how he's gonna look at the differenceCopy !req
962. between the way his family lives
and the way I live.Copy !req
963. And a lot of people grow up
and they're all,Copy !req
964. "Oh, yeah,
I'm fucking gonna play footballCopy !req
965. and I'm gonna go to college
and I'm gonna get this nice office jobCopy !req
966. and start a family and have 2.5 kids
and a car and a garage.Copy !req
967. And everything's just gonna be nice,
and I'll buy a boat and a snowmobile"...Copy !req
968. Like, fuck you, you piece of shit!Copy !req
969. Just 'cause you're too fucking weak
to make your own decisionsCopy !req
970. and decide what you want to do
with your own lifeCopy !req
971. doesn't mean everyone else
has gotta be like you.Copy !req
972. I don't know. Fuck.Copy !req
973. I don't - Ask me another question.Copy !req
974. I guess my thing was like, you know,Copy !req
975. I grew up without knowing my dad.Copy !req
976. I saw him three times since I was five,Copy !req
977. and my stepdad used to
beat the shit out of me and my mom.Copy !req
978. Right.Copy !req
979. And so I don't know how I -
Why did I choose this life?Copy !req
980. Not that I'm, like, gonna get married
and buy a house, but I don't know.Copy !req
981. You want me to comment on your direction?Copy !req
982. Yeah.Copy !req
983. That's the difference. Like, you.Copy !req
984. Some people do take
their negative experiencesCopy !req
985. and turn them
into powerful, positive things.Copy !req
986. I just don't think
I'm that type of person.Copy !req
987. I think...Copy !req
988. I found myself in a position
where I was so depressedCopy !req
989. that I just - I wanted it to just get
as bad as it could,Copy !req
990. just as bad as it could until I died.Copy !req
991. - Quit being a wuss.
- Wanna play with my knife?Copy !req
992. - Do you wanna play with my knife?
- Take it off. Quit being a pussy.Copy !req
993. Do it! Saw my fucking head off.
Don't be a pussy.Copy !req
994. - No!
- Ah, you're such a wuss.Copy !req
995. This place just, like, eats away at you.Copy !req
996. I don't know, I just don't want
to get trapped here in RockfordCopy !req
997. like a lot of people have.Copy !req
998. I tried stashing away my money,Copy !req
999. and then my fucking brother
broke into my room and stole it.Copy !req
1000. If I would've told my dad
what my brother did to me,Copy !req
1001. my dad would be on his ass right now.
Like, he'd be - Oh, my God.Copy !req
1002. I remember this one time...Copy !req
1003. I don't know, I think I stole something
or something. I was little.Copy !req
1004. I was, like, 12 maybe,
and I stole something.Copy !req
1005. That was the worst ass-whupping
I have ever gotten,Copy !req
1006. but it definitely made me never steal.Copy !req
1007. I was like, "Yeah, stealing sucksCopy !req
1008. 'cause you get your ass beat
and you burn bridges.Copy !req
1009. And burning bridges isn't cool."Copy !req
1010. I don't know.Copy !req
1011. Afterwards, after my ass stopped stinging,Copy !req
1012. he apologized for beating meCopy !req
1013. and then he totally just explained to me
that it was just how he was raised.Copy !req
1014. I know that he loved me.
That's why he was so hard on me.Copy !req
1015. So what do you think
you've gotten out of this documentary?Copy !req
1016. Um.Copy !req
1017. It's almost like fucking free therapy.Copy !req
1018. Yeah. I'm making this filmCopy !req
1019. because I was physically disciplined
by my stepfather,Copy !req
1020. and it didn't make sense to me.Copy !req
1021. And I saw myself in your own story.Copy !req
1022. Hmm.Copy !req
1023. Wow!Copy !req
1024. That's...Copy !req
1025. Wow, Bing. I had no idea, dude.Copy !req
1026. No, that's really cool though.Copy !req
1027. Wow.Copy !req
1028. So this might be a weird question,Copy !req
1029. but you spent a lot of time
in Zack's house growing up.Copy !req
1030. Do you think Zack is capable
of hitting a woman?Copy !req
1031. Hmm...Copy !req
1032. Maybe if he's drunk enough
and she's hitting him,Copy !req
1033. like fucking beating the shit
out of him or something, maybe.Copy !req
1034. But I don't think Zack
would ever justCopy !req
1035. like, just fucking strike a woman.Copy !req
1036. I don't think he would ever do that.Copy !req
1037. My stepmom and my dad?Copy !req
1038. Um...Copy !req
1039. Yeah. I mean all the time.Copy !req
1040. They fucking - Most of the time,
they argued about me.Copy !req
1041. Uh...Copy !req
1042. Like once or twice,
the cops came to my house,Copy !req
1043. but that was when I was young-young,
maybe like 10 or 12, you know what I mean?Copy !req
1044. Not as a teenager. It never got.Copy !req
1045. I don't think it ever got real physical.Copy !req
1046. I think just the fight got real gnarly.Copy !req
1047. I mean, shit, I've called the cops
on fucking Nina, my baby mama, before.Copy !req
1048. Sometimes you just need the fight to stop.Copy !req
1049. Oh!Copy !req
1050. I don't know if you filmed the recording.Copy !req
1051. That was a pretty, like,
every-other-day occurrence.Copy !req
1052. She just fucking loses her damn shitCopy !req
1053. and she won't shut the fuck up.Copy !req
1054. And it just keeps escalating
and escalating and escalating.Copy !req
1055. You know, my deal with women,Copy !req
1056. kind of the way I've dealt with it is,Copy !req
1057. they get all fucking heated and mad about
shit or they're complaining about this,Copy !req
1058. and I'm like,
"All right, I'm leaving. Bye."Copy !req
1059. But if a fucking woman
is acting a fucking fool,Copy !req
1060. they've been acting a fool,
you've asked them to stop,Copy !req
1061. you've tried to get away
from the situation,Copy !req
1062. you have done everything that you can do
to avoid the situation peacefullyCopy !req
1063. and she's coming at you wanting to argue
and fight like she's a fucking man,Copy !req
1064. like she's ready to hurt you, that.Copy !req
1065. You can't beat up women.Copy !req
1066. But some bitches need to get slapped
sometimes. Does that make sense?Copy !req
1067. You stayed with him
because at times he was sweet?Copy !req
1068. So what gave you
the strength to finally leave him?Copy !req
1069. It was 17 years.Copy !req
1070. I don't like that. Even now,
I don't know what to do.Copy !req
1071. Zack and I
went to court for child support.Copy !req
1072. And, you know, it was like one of
those moments where I was just like,Copy !req
1073. "Wow, what am I doing with my life?"Copy !req
1074. Oh, you're so cool!Copy !req
1075. You know, on one hand
of my brain, I'm like,Copy !req
1076. "You shouldn't be around your kid ever.
You fucking suck."Copy !req
1077. And then on the other hand,
I'm like, "No, that's my child!"Copy !req
1078. "Happy Father's Day. I hope you all
get to spend some time with your fathers.Copy !req
1079. The last time I talked to my dad,Copy !req
1080. I argued and fought with him.Copy !req
1081. I moved out the next day."Copy !req
1082. The last time I came here,
it was his funeral.Copy !req
1083. You don't want to think about it.Copy !req
1084. Not necessarily.Copy !req
1085. I feel like shaky and anxious,Copy !req
1086. and I don't really
think about him that much.Copy !req
1087. I've never been able to deal with myselfCopy !req
1088. because I'm so busyCopy !req
1089. I'm not even convincing other people,Copy !req
1090. I'm convincing myself
that I'm a good person.Copy !req
1091. I feel like a clown, almost, you know?Copy !req
1092. You paint up your face
and you put on your act for everybody,Copy !req
1093. and you let that act become you.Copy !req
1094. I've always been something to someone.Copy !req
1095. You know, I was someone's daughter,
someone's sister,Copy !req
1096. someone's significant other
and then someone's mom.Copy !req
1097. So it's like I never got that chance
to just figure myself out.Copy !req
1098. I really wish I fucking
just could remember where it is.Copy !req
1099. It would make this day a lot better
for me if I could just fucking find it.Copy !req
1100. I don't want my son...Copy !req
1101. I just don't want him to grow up
fucked up like me, you know?Copy !req
1102. I can't let myself think that
the reason I have to struggle so hardCopy !req
1103. is 'cause I fucking suck.Copy !req
1104. I can't - You know,
that's what the drinking is about.Copy !req
1105. That's what it's all about.Copy !req
1106. I just want to hide.
I just want to run away.Copy !req
1107. It's such a crushing, hopeless feeling.Copy !req
1108. It just sucks knowing
that you're your own enemy,Copy !req
1109. that every decision
you ever made has culminatedCopy !req
1110. in how shitty your life is now.Copy !req
1111. And there's no escaping it.Copy !req
1112. I don't know if - I try to help you.Copy !req
1113. Well, the reason why I wanted to make
this film was - Maybe you're right.Copy !req
1114. Maybe I need to just move on
and not dwell on the past.Copy !req
1115. I cut.Copy !req
1116. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1117. Fucking yes.Copy !req
1118. I finally fucking found it.Copy !req
1119. I'm so fucking happy.Copy !req
1120. Fuck.Copy !req
1121. Fuck!Copy !req
1122. Let's - Let's go.Copy !req
1123. I get mad at skateboarding, like, a lot,
but at the end of the day,Copy !req
1124. I love it so much that
I can't stay mad at it.Copy !req
1125. Yeah, so did my dad.Copy !req
1126. But I love him to death.Copy !req
1127. I'm about to do this shit.
Oh, my God, dude, I'm gonna fucking do it.Copy !req
1128. I'm moving to Denver.Copy !req
1129. Can't you wait another month?Copy !req
1130. No.Copy !req
1131. - Till it get warm?
- No, Mom.Copy !req
1132. See you later, baby.Copy !req
1133. - I made this for you.
- Thanks.Copy !req
1134. Stop!Copy !req
1135. Cheese! Cheese!Copy !req
1136. Awesome!Copy !req
1137. Fuck!Copy !req