1. Well, well,
Boris the Animal has a visitor.Copy !req
2. I guess one every 40 years is okay.Copy !req
3. It's a cake.Copy !req
4. I decide what it is.Copy !req
5. Looks like some kind of cake.Copy !req
6. She's clean.
Well, not clean, but you know...Copy !req
7. Oh, God.Copy !req
8. Boris the Animal...Copy !req
9. you've got a visitor.Copy !req
10. It's just Boris.Copy !req
11. Your letters have been
a soul-nourishing...Copy !req
12. tonic.Copy !req
13. And you are much more...Copy !req
14. unconventionally handsome
than your photos.Copy !req
15. This ain't a conjugal visit.Copy !req
16. So quit your conjugating.Copy !req
17. When's the last time
you conjugated anything?Copy !req
18. I see you've brought me a treat,
darling.Copy !req
19. Would you mind cutting this up
for us? It's a special day.Copy !req
20. I'm a romantic like that.Copy !req
21. Oh, I wouldn't do that.Copy !req
22. Why's that?Copy !req
23. It'll ruin your figure.Copy !req
24. You complete me.Copy !req
25. The big one.Copy !req
26. Boris! You promised
to take me with you!Copy !req
27. We had a deal!Copy !req
28. Obadiah Price.Copy !req
29. Yes. I did make you a promise.Copy !req
30. Wait. I smell something.Copy !req
31. You can't win, Boris.Copy !req
32. Let's agree to disagree.Copy !req
33. There's too many of us.Copy !req
34. Rather hot in here.
Mind if I open a window?Copy !req
35. Sorry, darling.
We did love the cake.Copy !req
36. Let's rewrite history, shall we, K?Copy !req
37. Good afternoon.Copy !req
38. Please give your attention
to my associate, Agent J.Copy !req
39. He's going to demonstrate
an electro-biomechanical...Copy !req
40. neural-transmitting,
zero-synapse repositioner.Copy !req
41. We call it the neuralyser.Copy !req
42. - Keep it simple, slick.
- Thanks a lot.Copy !req
43. Thank you, Agent K.Copy !req
44. Ladies and gentlemen,
if you will look right here.Copy !req
45. You know how you're on a plane and
you're asked to turn your phone off?Copy !req
46. You're like, "I ain't turning it off.
Has nothing to do with a plane."Copy !req
47. Well, this is what we get.
That's what happens.Copy !req
48. It gets up there, bounces around
on the satellites and:Copy !req
49. Just turn your damn phone off.Copy !req
50. Now you're gonna drive off a cliff
tonight because your GPS don't work.Copy !req
51. Check the composition
of the fuel units and surface deposits.Copy !req
52. I wanna know who was driving.Copy !req
53. Yes, sir.Copy !req
54. - What are you gonna say tonight?
- Don't worry.Copy !req
55. No, I'm very worried.
This is important.Copy !req
56. - I'm hungry. You hungry?
- K.Copy !req
57. Seriously,
I'm not even sure that's meat.Copy !req
58. I think I just saw a tooth in that thing.
Or a claw. Or a hoof.Copy !req
59. Thanks, Manny.Copy !req
60. That does not belong in a pita,
it belongs in a casket.Copy !req
61. What would go good with this
would be silence.Copy !req
62. See, here's the problem.Copy !req
63. You can't smell it...Copy !req
64. because your nose already
smells like that, but my nose doesn't.Copy !req
65. Silence goes good with a lot of things.
Ever try or is talking how you breathe?Copy !req
66. Just say you hate me.
Don't take it out on the car.Copy !req
67. Let me enjoy this.Copy !req
68. Whoa, enjoyment.Copy !req
69. So that's what enjoyment looks like
on that face. I like that emotion.Copy !req
70. I keep emotion out of it.Copy !req
71. Out of what, K? Life?Copy !req
72. You don't wanna run it by me?Copy !req
73. - Let me know what you'll say?
- Don't worry.Copy !req
74. Oh, no, I'm worried. Very worried.Copy !req
75. It's the man's eulogy.
You have to show some feeling.Copy !req
76. That thing people do when they
change their facial expression?Copy !req
77. I worked with Zed for 40 years.
A hell of an agent.Copy !req
78. And I have written
a hell of a speech for him.Copy !req
79. People will be moved.Copy !req
80. And now a few words from Agent K.Copy !req
81. I worked with Zed for over 40 years,
and in all that time...Copy !req
82. he never invited me to dinner.Copy !req
83. He never asked me to his house
to watch a game.Copy !req
84. He never shared a single detail
of his personal life.Copy !req
85. Yeah, he was weird.Copy !req
86. Thank you.Copy !req
87. And now we will hear from
our new chief, Agent O.Copy !req
88. Thank you, Agent K.
That was very moving.Copy !req
89. - That was your eulogy?
- He was a good man.Copy !req
90. Ladies, gentlemen, other life forms.Copy !req
91. When I told the Finucian Zyglot
about Zed's passing...Copy !req
92. she said something
that I'm going to repeat.Copy !req
93. And I'm paraphrasing.Copy !req
94. That's just so Zed.Copy !req
95. Thank you.Copy !req
96. You lose something over here,
Hondo?Copy !req
97. Can you promise, if I go first, you'll
do better than that at my funeral?Copy !req
98. You know, something like:Copy !req
99. "J was a friend.Copy !req
100. Now there's a big part of me
that's gone.Copy !req
101. Oh, J, all the things
that I should have said...Copy !req
102. except I was too old...Copy !req
103. and craggy and surly...Copy !req
104. and just tight. I was too...Copy !req
105. tight.Copy !req
106. I'm gonna just miss
your caramel-brown skin."Copy !req
107. I'll wing something.Copy !req
108. K, it's O. We have reports
of several humans suffering from...Copy !req
109. intestinal worms of alien origin.Copy !req
110. Thank you, O.Copy !req
111. How did you get to be like you?Copy !req
112. Something happened, K.
What happened?Copy !req
113. You know how I live
such a happy life?Copy !req
114. How you live such a happy life?Copy !req
115. I don't ask questions
I don't want to know the answer to.Copy !req
116. That's deep.Copy !req
117. Jeffrey.Copy !req
118. Do I know you?Copy !req
119. Your services are legendary.
So says your father, Obadiah.Copy !req
120. You were in Lunar-Max.Copy !req
121. There is no prison that can hold me.Copy !req
122. Cool for you.
What do you need from me, man?Copy !req
123. The device.Copy !req
124. I'm going back in time to kill a man
before he takes my arm.Copy !req
125. K, J!Copy !req
126. So happy to see you.
Mr. Wu get you your regular table?Copy !req
127. You no hungry?Copy !req
128. Show us the tanks, Wu.Copy !req
129. Oh, sure, sure. You look.
Very fresh.Copy !req
130. Show us the tanks in the back.Copy !req
131. So sorry. No speak English.
You come back later, okay?Copy !req
132. Save the chop-socky bullshit
for the tourists, Wu.Copy !req
133. Hey, what you guys
wanna bust my balls for, huh?Copy !req
134. You don't have no balls.Copy !req
135. Man, you look like
you come from the planet...Copy !req
136. Damn.Copy !req
137. And Bob here is a clear violation
of Health Ordinance 32:Copy !req
138. Selling unlicensed extraterrestrial...Copy !req
139. food stuffs.Copy !req
140. That is an Earth fish.Copy !req
141. Very traditional in China.
You arrest me...Copy !req
142. that's a hate crime!Copy !req
143. It would be...Copy !req
144. if you were Chinese.Copy !req
145. K, come on. I got larvae to feed.Copy !req
146. Who is the Spiky Bulba for?Copy !req
147. Nobody.Copy !req
148. Who's it for?Copy !req
149. I keep them in case!Copy !req
150. - In case what?
- I don't know!Copy !req
151. anybody!Copy !req
152. All right, you slug.Copy !req
153. Wu...Copy !req
154. he and I are having issues right now,
but you shouldn't suffer for that.Copy !req
155. Thank you, J.Copy !req
156. So if you don't like getting
fish-slapped, keep to our agreement.Copy !req
157. Earth people get Earth fish.
Real Earth fish.Copy !req
158. On behalf of my pathetic self
and worthless children, you stay.Copy !req
159. Allow me most honourable benefit
of serving you favourite noodles, K?Copy !req
160. Don't nobody want your
nasty-ass noodles.Copy !req
161. You're a piece of shit, Wu.Copy !req
162. Shrimp and bok choy.Copy !req
163. We're gonna be here for a while.Copy !req
164. That was just mean.Copy !req
165. What you did to Wu back there.Copy !req
166. Snatched his skirt off.Copy !req
167. That's just disrespectful.Copy !req
168. I used to play a game
with my dad:Copy !req
169. What'll You Have
For Your Last Meal.Copy !req
170. You could do worse than this.Copy !req
171. Okay.Copy !req
172. I played a game with my dad...Copy !req
173. called catch.Copy !req
174. Except I'd throw the ball
and it'd just hit the wall...Copy !req
175. because he wasn't there.Copy !req
176. Don't badmouth your old man.Copy !req
177. I'm not badmouthing him.
I just didn't really know him.Copy !req
178. It's not right.Copy !req
179. Damn right it's not.
A boy needs a father.Copy !req
180. Table one hasn't ordered a thing.
Table three...Copy !req
181. just drank his fourth cup...Copy !req
182. of duck sauce.Copy !req
183. K, the crashed ship...Copy !req
184. from this morning
was stolen from—Copy !req
185. Lunar-Max.Copy !req
186. Boris the Animal.Copy !req
187. How did you know?Copy !req
188. He has a taste for Spiky Bulba.Copy !req
189. Give us a minute, chief.Copy !req
190. We're in a situation.Copy !req
191. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
192. I take the Chloropod.Copy !req
193. You take the Tarantabee.Copy !req
194. And the Hydronian over there.Copy !req
195. I'll take the kitchen.Copy !req
196. Meet you on the street.Copy !req
197. This is a very confusing time...Copy !req
198. in my life.Copy !req
199. Hey-Copy !req
200. Keep your mouth closed,
keep your head down.Copy !req
201. Hello, K.Copy !req
202. Boris the Animal.Copy !req
203. It's just Boris.Copy !req
204. You haven't changed very much.
I see the arm I shot off is still shot off.Copy !req
205. Yes, my arm.Copy !req
206. We've thought about that moment...Copy !req
207. every day for the last 40 years.Copy !req
208. Well, that's just not living a full life.Copy !req
209. I can promise you
it will be longer than yours.Copy !req
210. Lonelier too. Since you're
the last Boglodite standing.Copy !req
211. We'll see about that.Copy !req
212. But first,
I want the pleasure of killing you.Copy !req
213. Yo, K.Copy !req
214. - Where the hell have you been?
- Fishing.Copy !req
215. You don't know it, K,
but you're already dead.Copy !req
216. You all right?Copy !req
217. May I have everyone's attention,
please?Copy !req
218. Thank you.Copy !req
219. You know how your kid won
the goldfish in that little baggie...Copy !req
220. from the fair and you didn't
want it in your house...Copy !req
221. so you told your kid it ran away
when you flushed it down the toilet?Copy !req
222. Well, this is what happens.Copy !req
223. Okay? See what I'm talking about?
Don't lie to your kids.Copy !req
224. Man, I am getting too old for this.Copy !req
225. I can only imagine how you feel.Copy !req
226. Boris the Animal.Copy !req
227. I put him away a long time ago.
It's the worst mistake I ever made.Copy !req
228. Why? Was he innocent?Copy !req
229. Should have killed him.Copy !req
230. - Well, shit, let's go get him.
- No.Copy !req
231. - No.
- Leave it alone.Copy !req
232. It's above your pay grade.Copy !req
233. We have the same pay grade.Copy !req
234. It has nothing to do with you.
Mind your own business.Copy !req
235. Okay, first of all, let's get a little bit
of that bass out your voice.Copy !req
236. Secondly, as long as Spikey Boy is
running around, this is my business.Copy !req
237. You forget about Boris
or my report will reflect...Copy !req
238. that your conduct
has been unbecoming.Copy !req
239. Well, maybe my report
is gonna reflect some shit too, K.Copy !req
240. - You are suspended for two weeks.
- Bullshit.Copy !req
241. Four weeks.Copy !req
242. How about I quit?Copy !req
243. There are things out there
you don't need to know.Copy !req
244. That's not the lie you told me
when you recruited me.Copy !req
245. What up, pops?Copy !req
246. - Lose your partner?
- Yeah.Copy !req
247. Next shuttle to Afazumba...Copy !req
248. leaving in 22 minutes.Copy !req
249. Search...Copy !req
250. Boris the Animal.Copy !req
251. Boris the Animal,
Boglodite assassin.Copy !req
252. Boglodites were a rogue alien race...Copy !req
253. that consumed all planets
in their path.Copy !req
254. Boris the Animal
was the only suspect...Copy !req
255. in a series of alien murders
on Earth.Copy !req
256. Incident report.Copy !req
257. Boris the Animal was convicted...Copy !req
258. for the following murders
that occurred on July 15,1969.Copy !req
259. Murder number one: Coney Island,
10:37 a.m. Roman the Fabulist.Copy !req
260. Murder number two: The Factory.Copy !req
261. Refine search.Copy !req
262. Agent K.Copy !req
263. Junior Agent K apprehended
and arrested...Copy !req
264. Boris the Animal on July 16,1969,
at Cape Canaveral, Florida.Copy !req
265. - Cape Canaveral...
- Agent K...Copy !req
266. received highest commendation
for heroic action...Copy !req
267. including implementation...Copy !req
268. of the Arc Net Defence System...Copy !req
269. which protected the Earth
from Boglodite invasion...Copy !req
270. and led to the race's extinction.Copy !req
271. Details.Copy !req
272. Access restricted.Copy !req
273. Excuse me? Clearance level
senior agent, class one. J.Copy !req
274. Access denied.Copy !req
275. What?Copy !req
276. So why this sudden interest
in your partner's old exploits?Copy !req
277. What happened between Boris and K?Copy !req
278. That's easy.Copy !req
279. K imprisoned Boris.
He put up the Arc Net.Copy !req
280. He protected the Earth
from the Boglodites.Copy !req
281. He did his job.Copy !req
282. That's not what I'm asking.Copy !req
283. Cape Canaveral, what happened?Copy !req
284. Something that changed him.Copy !req
285. Leave it at that.Copy !req
286. So you two go way back, huh?Copy !req
287. That's classified.Copy !req
288. A word of advice, Agent J.Copy !req
289. Don't ask questions
you don't want to know the answer to.Copy !req
290. That's funny.
That is exactly what K said.Copy !req
291. He's a very wise man.Copy !req
292. Take the rest of the night off.Copy !req
293. What?Copy !req
294. Guess I owe you some answers,
hoss.Copy !req
295. What, you're feeling chatty
all of a sudden?Copy !req
296. I can't talk right now. I've got secret
cases of my own I'm working on.Copy !req
297. I hate to tear you away
from your video game.Copy !req
298. All right, I'm hanging up.Copy !req
299. You know the most destructive force
in the universe?Copy !req
300. Sugar?Copy !req
301. Regret.Copy !req
302. You don't have to wait. Just talk.Copy !req
303. I promised you the secrets
of the universe. Nothing more.Copy !req
304. So there's secrets out there
the universe don't know about?Copy !req
305. Mommy.Copy !req
306. Can I help you?Copy !req
307. K?Copy !req
308. 5K.Copy !req
309. I'm sorry, is that chocolate milk?Copy !req
310. Can I—? I'm so sorry.
I don't know what...Copy !req
311. Mommy, the president is drinking...Copy !req
312. my milk.Copy !req
313. I'm sorry.Copy !req
314. He didn't say please.Copy !req
315. - Who?Copy !req
316. You new'?Copy !req
317. Very funny, Agent J.Copy !req
318. J, everything you told me yesterday,
you were right as rain.Copy !req
319. - Thank God for that 10-hour stakeout.
- Who are you?Copy !req
320. Exactly.
I feel like a whole new man today.Copy !req
321. Like this great weight has been lifted.
I've had anger issues my entire life...Copy !req
322. but now I see I was mad at myself.
And my stepmom.Copy !req
323. Sir, I'm gonna need you
to stop talking.Copy !req
324. It's like I closed
this emotional window.Copy !req
325. But I threw a brick
through that window.Copy !req
326. Thank you for handing me
that brick, J.Copy !req
327. Whoever you are, give me five feet
or I'll pluck you in your throat.Copy !req
328. I'm gonna go
to the little Men's-in-Black room...Copy !req
329. then we'll go find those morons
from Pox Ethera. Lunch is on me.Copy !req
330. Who was that?Copy !req
331. Double A? Your partner.Copy !req
332. I need you to go get me some
chocolate milk, all right?Copy !req
333. Just a really big glass.
Have you seen K?Copy !req
334. Did he call in sick or anything?Copy !req
335. Who's K?Copy !req
336. All right, all right,
go ahead, go ahead.Copy !req
337. K!Copy !req
338. All right.Copy !req
339. You got me.Copy !req
340. I'll give it to you.
It's funny, very elaborate.Copy !req
341. Oh, and all of you,
fantastic performances.Copy !req
342. You waited 14 years
to develop a sense of humour...Copy !req
343. but this is a good one.Copy !req
344. But I need you
to come out here now...Copy !req
345. because I'm starting
to get a little pissed off.Copy !req
346. Agent J, would you mind
keeping your voice down...Copy !req
347. and telling me
who you're looking for?Copy !req
348. I'm looking for K.Copy !req
349. Who is K?Copy !req
350. You too? You too.Copy !req
351. I mean, who is he to you?Copy !req
352. My partner.Copy !req
353. Older gentleman, 110...Copy !req
354. maybe 111 years old.Copy !req
355. Sort of a surly, Elvis thing happening
with him. He smiles like this.Copy !req
356. Seen him around?Copy !req
357. I'll take you to K.Copy !req
358. Thank you.Copy !req
359. - What is that supposed to be?
- That's K.Copy !req
360. He's been dead for over 40 years.Copy !req
361. Okay, see, the prerequisite for a joke
is that it be funny.Copy !req
362. It's never been funny.Copy !req
363. Computer, Agent K
and Boris the Animal.Copy !req
364. Men in Black incident report,
July, 1969.Copy !req
365. Location, Cape Canaveral.Copy !req
366. Perpetrator Boris the Animal
escaped and fled Earth.Copy !req
367. Assumed to have returned to planet
Boglodotia 20 light-years away.Copy !req
368. Agent K pronounced dead at scene.
Awarded posthumous commendation...Copy !req
369. for action which prevented
greater loss of human life.Copy !req
370. That's not what happened.Copy !req
371. I looked at this report.
K put Boris away—Copy !req
372. - Agent K is dead.
- Well, I just talked to him last night.Copy !req
373. - You are imagining.
- I'm not.Copy !req
374. - I need a psych team up here.
- Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
375. Aqua Velva aftershave.
I didn't imagine that.Copy !req
376. Every stakeout,
endless hours of cowboy music.Copy !req
377. Every morning with his coffee...Copy !req
378. he'd say, "I tell you something, slick.
This coffee tastes like dirt."Copy !req
379. And I was supposed to say,
"What do you expect?Copy !req
380. - It was ground this morning."
- "This morning."Copy !req
381. How do you know that?Copy !req
382. Chocolate milk, sir?Copy !req
383. Where you been, man?
It was like an hour ago.Copy !req
384. Wait.Copy !req
385. How long have you been craving
chocolatised dairy products?Copy !req
386. Just today.Copy !req
387. Are you experiencing headaches?
Dizziness?Copy !req
388. Loss of balance?Copy !req
389. Agitation? Depression?Copy !req
390. Hell, yeah.Copy !req
391. Two possibilities.
One is you've been bitten...Copy !req
392. by a Hovartian brain tick...Copy !req
393. and could die in horrible agony
at any moment.Copy !req
394. Damn it. It's not the tick.Copy !req
395. "Damn it, it's not the tick"?Copy !req
396. It's something worse than the tick?Copy !req
397. Your obsession
with chocolate milk indicates...Copy !req
398. that you might be involved
in a temporal fracture.Copy !req
399. I don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
400. Chocolate milk relieves
temporal-fracture headaches.Copy !req
401. What's a temporal fracture?Copy !req
402. A break in the timeline.Copy !req
403. Don't know what you mean.Copy !req
404. Time travel! Time travel.Copy !req
405. There's no such thing
as time travel.Copy !req
406. - Well, there is.
- No.Copy !req
407. There's not.Copy !req
408. Because if there were...Copy !req
409. a class-one senior agent
such as myself...Copy !req
410. would have been aware of it,
wouldn't he have?Copy !req
411. Were it not classified
and way above his pay grade.Copy !req
412. You know, I need a raise.Copy !req
413. There was one man, scumbag,
Obadiah Price.Copy !req
414. He figured it out, we busted him,
we made time travel illegal...Copy !req
415. throughout the universe
and he is serving life on Lunar-Max.Copy !req
416. No— That's where Boris
was locked up.Copy !req
417. If Boris worked out
how to time jump...Copy !req
418. he could seriously change
the course of history.Copy !req
419. Attention.
Early warning system engaged.Copy !req
420. Inbound hostile warships
entering solar system.Copy !req
421. Boglodite markings
and language detected.Copy !req
422. Boglodite. Boris is a Boglodite,
but they're extinct.Copy !req
423. Apparently not.Copy !req
424. Catastrophic Earth attack imminent.Copy !req
425. Put up the Arc Net.Copy !req
426. - The what?
- The Arc Net. The defence system.Copy !req
427. K got it for the Boglodites.Copy !req
428. There is no K.Copy !req
429. He's been dead for over 40 years.Copy !req
430. No K. No defence system.Copy !req
431. Boris jumped back and killed him.Copy !req
432. If you wanna save the world,
stop that from happening.Copy !req
433. You have to find Jeffrey Price.
He's Obadiah's son.Copy !req
434. Let's hope the little squirt
hasn't skipped town.Copy !req
435. - Good luck, J!
- This planet's toast.Copy !req
436. How can I help you?
We're having an amazing sale...Copy !req
437. on batteries.Copy !req
438. Okay, we got other stuff,
like headphones, adapters or—Copy !req
439. You helped Boris the Animal
time jump.Copy !req
440. Okay, I had to. That dude's a freak.Copy !req
441. He killed my partner.Copy !req
442. I want to know when
and where you sent him.Copy !req
443. What, you think I keep,
like, a logbook?Copy !req
444. Target vector, July 16...Copy !req
445. - ... 1969.
- All right.Copy !req
446. That's a real bummer
about your buddy.Copy !req
447. I'm sure he was a great guy.Copy !req
448. But in terms of
the space-time continuum...Copy !req
449. your friend was a little blip
on the historical radar!Copy !req
450. That's a big blip.Copy !req
451. - Okay. What's the plan?
- You're gonna send me...Copy !req
452. back to July 15th, 1969.Copy !req
453. No, that's a stupid plan,
because I sent Boris to July 16th.Copy !req
454. I'm not worried about that one.
I'll kill the younger Boris...Copy !req
455. before the older one shows.Copy !req
456. That way, neither of them
will even exist.Copy !req
457. That's why you get to wear
the black suit.Copy !req
458. No?Copy !req
459. You're gonna leave me hanging?
Okay.Copy !req
460. Oh, I just thought of something.
Even back then...Copy !req
461. New York was like a big-ish city.Copy !req
462. So how are you
gonna really find him?Copy !req
463. On July 15th, Boris killed an alien,
Roman the Fabulist, at Coney Island.Copy !req
464. You're gonna get there first
and be waiting?Copy !req
465. Dude, they should give you
two black suits.Copy !req
466. My man, for real?Copy !req
467. Oh, right.Copy !req
468. Sorry.Copy !req
469. This...Copy !req
470. is the real deal. Time-jump gear.Copy !req
471. Very rare, very old.Copy !req
472. But first, we gotta get high.Copy !req
473. Hey. No.Copy !req
474. No. No, I mean, really high.Copy !req
475. Hey, man? A little help here?Copy !req
476. Thank you.Copy !req
477. Okay.Copy !req
478. - You know the rules of time jumps?
- Give me the short version.Copy !req
479. Okay. You wanna save your partner,
word of advice:Copy !req
480. Stay away from him.Copy !req
481. Yeah, got it. Stay away from K.
Just kill Boris.Copy !req
482. Now, take these.Copy !req
483. It gets pretty windy
on the way down.Copy !req
484. The way down?Copy !req
485. With eyes tearing up,
it's hard to read the dial.Copy !req
486. Plus, it helps you look like a real
time traveller, which is cool.Copy !req
487. I am not jumping off of this building!Copy !req
488. Time jump-.Copy !req
489. Okay, now...Copy !req
490. I gotta set this thing...Copy !req
491. to the 15th.Copy !req
492. That seems...Copy !req
493. right-ish.Copy !req
494. Now...Copy !req
495. all you gotta do is jump.Copy !req
496. Hey, hey, stop. Stop it.Copy !req
497. When you're moving fast enough...Copy !req
498. that circle is gonna fill up with
some sort of green time-travel liquid...Copy !req
499. and it's gonna glow really bright.Copy !req
500. As soon as that happens,
break that blue laser line...Copy !req
501. with your thumb
to complete the circuit.Copy !req
502. At this height, that should be...Copy !req
503. Let's see, mass of Earth
and 30-something feet per minute...Copy !req
504. It's 32 feet per second. Per second.Copy !req
505. That sounds right-ish.Copy !req
506. So that would be, I guess,
about two feet off the ground.Copy !req
507. I break the laser line?Copy !req
508. No, don't break it!Copy !req
509. - No, when I'm fast enough!
- Sounds good!Copy !req
510. Do I break the laser line
or do I not break the laser line?Copy !req
511. Do not lose that time device...Copy !req
512. or you will be stuck in 1969!Copy !req
513. It wasn't the best time
for your people.Copy !req
514. I'm just saying.
It's, like, a lot cooler now.Copy !req
515. How will I know if it works?Copy !req
516. You'll either know...Copy !req
517. or you won't.Copy !req
518. You must really love this guy
to do this.Copy !req
519. Oh, wait. How come I remember K,
but nobody else does?Copy !req
520. - That means you were there!
- I was where?Copy !req
521. If you survive, you gotta come back
and tell me everything.Copy !req
522. Where was I?Copy !req
523. You gotta go!Copy !req
524. Just go, go, go!Copy !req
525. Oh, no!Copy !req
526. Come on!Copy !req
527. - My man, what's today?
- Tuesday.Copy !req
528. - The date?
- The 15th.Copy !req
529. - Of?
- July.Copy !req
530. - Dog, the year.
- 1969.Copy !req
531. Thank you.Copy !req
532. Look at me like I'm crazy.Copy !req
533. Far out.Copy !req
534. Jerry rocked Haight-Ashbury
like you wouldn't believe.Copy !req
535. Okay, we're here.Copy !req
536. - Happy?
- You're such a pill, Fred.Copy !req
537. - Get us checked in.
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
538. Hey. Hey, do me a favour, all right?Copy !req
539. - Be careful with the luggage.
- Absolutely, sir.Copy !req
540. I paid a lot of money
for that luggage.Copy !req
541. - We'll take good care—
- Last time, it got scuffed up.Copy !req
542. Here you go, sir.
Just call down when you need it.Copy !req
543. There's more in the trunk.Copy !req
544. Yeah, it'll be in your room, sir.
Just go in.Copy !req
545. Excuse me. Excuse me, who is that?
Who are you?Copy !req
546. Let's go!Copy !req
547. Far out, man!Copy !req
548. If you want to keep that, I wouldn't.Copy !req
549. Make love, not war.Copy !req
550. I prefer to do both.Copy !req
551. How are you, officers?
What can I do you for?Copy !req
552. Well, look at this.
Power windows, power seats.Copy !req
553. - I'll bet you it cost 6 grand.
- Yeah.Copy !req
554. Yes, and it has a roof,
but it's hidden.Copy !req
555. Hey, what kind of work do you do?Copy !req
556. An individual of your...Copy !req
557. particular ethnic persuasion?Copy !req
558. Maybe he's a noted athlete.Copy !req
559. Yes. Starting forward
for the Detroit Darkies.Copy !req
560. - Where'd you get the car?
- And the suit?Copy !req
561. I stole them both.
Car from your wife...Copy !req
562. suit from your grandmother.Copy !req
563. Hey-Copy !req
564. What do we have here?
Concealed weapon?Copy !req
565. Hey, it's his grandmother's suit.Copy !req
566. - Hey, what's this?
- Probably drugs.Copy !req
567. I have rights
and I demand to see my lawyer...Copy !req
568. before you press that small button
on the side firmly.Copy !req
569. Press it.Copy !req
570. That, gentlemen,
is a standard-issue neuralyser.Copy !req
571. You're not gonna remember that.Copy !req
572. And just because you see
a black man driving a nice car...Copy !req
573. does not mean it's stolen.Copy !req
574. I stole that one.
But not because I'm black.Copy !req
575. I'll be done
with the car in a minute!Copy !req
576. Just find it and take it back
to the jerk at the Roosevelt Hotel.Copy !req
577. Where is the Archanan?Copy !req
578. You are too late.Copy !req
579. He is going to give the humans...Copy !req
580. the Arc Net.Copy !req
581. Let's agree to disagree.Copy !req
582. We'll take it from here.Copy !req
583. K?Copy !req
584. K! K!Copy !req
585. Dad, I'm on Earth.Copy !req
586. I need bail.Copy !req
587. Will the owner of a blue
warp-speed cruiser...Copy !req
588. please report to the front desk.Copy !req
589. You need to turn the electricity
down on that damn thing.Copy !req
590. Can't taste my fricking tongue, K.Copy !req
591. How do you know my name?Copy !req
592. What? Because I called you "K"?Copy !req
593. No, I call everybody K.Copy !req
594. It's kind of my thing.Copy !req
595. What up, K?Copy !req
596. All right, I sort of—Copy !req
597. Yeah, that's kind of my thing.
I just— Some people like it.Copy !req
598. Most people.Copy !req
599. Now that I know what you look like...Copy !req
600. when you're lying, show me...Copy !req
601. what you look like
when you're telling the truth?Copy !req
602. I won those at Coney Island
on the ring toss.Copy !req
603. I won a stuffed bear once,
but never one of these.Copy !req
604. Must be good, slick.Copy !req
605. All right, sir,
I was minding my own business.Copy !req
606. I was waiting for my girl,
who, by the way...Copy !req
607. is probably worried sick
looking for me right now.Copy !req
608. So I just need my things
and I need to get back to her.Copy !req
609. What's her name?Copy !req
610. Your gal, what's her name?Copy !req
611. Schtaron.Copy !req
612. Schtaron?Copy !req
613. I bet Schtaron
likes that suit of yours.Copy !req
614. What, it's a crime
to wear a black suit?Copy !req
615. All right, listen.
I haven't done anything wrong.Copy !req
616. And I need to get out of here.
I cannot be with you.Copy !req
617. Terribly sorry. X is frightfully upset
about the whole Coney Island incident.Copy !req
618. Thanks for the heads-up.Copy !req
619. Oh, man, this coffee tastes like dirt.Copy !req
620. - What do you expect? It was—
- Just ground this morning.Copy !req
621. O?Copy !req
622. No, I call ladiesCopy !req
623. To me, O is feminine,
K is masculine.Copy !req
624. You know, I see a couple,
I'm like, "O-K."Copy !req
625. What a mess. Any casualties?Copy !req
626. Yes, Roman the Fabulist.Copy !req
627. Any human casualties?Copy !req
628. No, sir.Copy !req
629. Who the hell is this?Copy !req
630. Look, I was—Copy !req
631. - Stray human caught in the net.
- Code 43 him and throw him back.Copy !req
632. You're late for a meeting
with the Viagrans.Copy !req
633. They have a revolutionary new pill.Copy !req
634. It's really...Copy !req
635. Okay, slick.Copy !req
636. I was waiting for my girl.Copy !req
637. Schtaron.Copy !req
638. Yes, she's Greek.Copy !req
639. Okay. Just one last thing.
An eye exam.Copy !req
640. That's not an eye exam, K.
That's a big-ass neuralyser!Copy !req
641. You have a lot of information for
a fella who doesn't know anything.Copy !req
642. I see what you're saying.Copy !req
643. You know, K,
we need to hold up a second.Copy !req
644. K!Copy !req
645. Let's get this bite guard in here.Copy !req
646. Hey, back up, back up.Copy !req
647. K, listen, I think we got off
on the wrong foot, all right?Copy !req
648. So let's just stop for a second
and talk.Copy !req
649. Don't put me in here, K!Copy !req
650. Too late, hoss.Copy !req
651. K, no, listen to me.
I can help you with this case!Copy !req
652. K!Copy !req
653. I'm doing the truth face!
You're missing it!Copy !req
654. I'll just use my imagination.Copy !req
655. K, the killer...Copy !req
656. you're looking for, I'm after
the same guy. A Boglodite.Copy !req
657. His name is Boris.Copy !req
658. Ship has sailed, amigo.Copy !req
659. If we don't get him, there'll be two.Copy !req
660. You had my undivided attention.Copy !req
661. One will have one arm...Copy !req
662. and one's gonna have two. K!Copy !req
663. Listen to me!Copy !req
664. If you erase me...Copy !req
665. you erase the world!Copy !req
666. Fifteen seconds...Copy !req
667. to neuralysation. Fourteen.Copy !req
668. Thirteen. Twelve.Copy !req
669. Eleven. Ten. Nine.Copy !req
670. When you see Boris tomorrow, K,
kill him. Do not arrest him, kill him!Copy !req
671. Four. Three. Two.Copy !req
672. Is this thing off?
Hey, I don't think it's all the way off, K!Copy !req
673. It's whirring and buzzing.Copy !req
674. I don't know if I don't know nothing.Copy !req
675. I knew Roman.Copy !req
676. His wife cooked me dinner once.
While it was not pleasant...Copy !req
677. he was my friend.Copy !req
678. Last chance, who are you
and what do you know?Copy !req
679. I'm an agent...Copy !req
680. from the future. We're partners.Copy !req
681. In 25 years, you'll recruit me...Copy !req
682. and 14 years after that,
the guy you didn't let me kill today...Copy !req
683. "escapes from prison,
jumps to the past...Copy !req
684. and unleashes an invasion of Earth.
We got about 19 hours to kill him...Copy !req
685. so, really, we need to go right now.Copy !req
686. All right.Copy !req
687. So that's the story you believe.Copy !req
688. That one was the truth.Copy !req
689. Wasn't the whole truth,
but it'll do for now.Copy !req
690. What are you talking about?
Of course it's the whole truth.Copy !req
691. The problem with a lie is once
you start lying you put yourself...Copy !req
692. Agent K.Copy !req
693. What's he still doing here?Copy !req
694. I might have cooked him too long.
Thought I'd walk him out.Copy !req
695. I put my pants on.Copy !req
696. Okay, future man, where to?Copy !req
697. I don't know.Copy !req
698. What do you mean?Copy !req
699. I don't know.
Go wherever you went last time.Copy !req
700. I haven't been here.
I didn't tell you where I went?Copy !req
701. No. I mean, we don't really talk.Copy !req
702. What kind of partners sit in a car
every day for 14 years and don't talk?Copy !req
703. Exactly. And this is the type
of problem it causes.Copy !req
704. It's dysfunctional.Copy !req
705. All right, sport, you better get useful
real quick or you go back in room 43.Copy !req
706. Man...Copy !req
707. There was something in the file
about a factory.Copy !req
708. Something happened at a factory.Copy !req
709. Hey, look, man, you can put
your Jedi Knight on me all you want.Copy !req
710. That's all I got.Copy !req
711. That spark something?Copy !req
712. Roman had this on his person
when he was murdered.Copy !req
713. It's a matchbook.Copy !req
714. No, it's a clue.Copy !req
715. He didn't smoke.Copy !req
716. You lose something over here,
Hondo?Copy !req
717. No.Copy !req
718. Hey, man, how old are you?Copy !req
719. Twenty-nine.Copy !req
720. You got some city miles on you.Copy !req
721. I'm starting to understand
why we don't talk.Copy !req
722. - How well do you know this place?
- I know its reputation.Copy !req
723. I don't like it. I hate going in blind.
I'm gonna need my gun.Copy !req
724. Sure thing, slick.Copy !req
725. K! Wait, no, I gotta go in
with you!Copy !req
726. You sit tight. I'll be fine.Copy !req
727. Wait, no! No!Copy !req
728. K!Copy !req
729. K, don't go in by yourself!Copy !req
730. Hi, fellas.Copy !req
731. Need to see the boss.Copy !req
732. He's busy.Copy !req
733. Well, I'm gonna just
take a look around.Copy !req
734. Looks like we have ourselves
a standoff.Copy !req
735. Looks that way.Copy !req
736. - Still keep the key under the ashtray.
- Lucky guess.Copy !req
737. Now, where were we?Copy !req
738. I was about to tell you to screw off.Copy !req
739. Hey, slick, you bowl in the future?Copy !req
740. MiB league champ,
three years running.Copy !req
741. Well, let's see it.Copy !req
742. You did not walk into my...Copy !req
743. establishment
and rip my head off!Copy !req
744. My man, we don't have a lot of time.
You really need to tell him something.Copy !req
745. I'll tell him this!Copy !req
746. All right, your head.Copy !req
747. Wait. Hey, if you do this,
lam gonna hunt you down...Copy !req
748. and make sure you...Copy !req
749. walk funny for the rest...Copy !req
750. of your miserable last days
on Earth!Copy !req
751. Tough spare, slick.Copy !req
752. You messed with the wrong head!Copy !req
753. - His head's a little...
- You gonna tell us...Copy !req
754. where Dom is?Copy !req
755. I'll kill you both.
I'll kill both of youse!Copy !req
756. Your hook's a little off.
Want me to clean her?Copy !req
757. - Sure thing.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
758. Come on, I just cleaned
the bathroom with this thing!Copy !req
759. No cleaning! No cleaning!Copy !req
760. Okay! Okay, all right!
All right, he's in the back.Copy !req
761. But he's not gonna talk
to Men in Black scum like you.Copy !req
762. Now give me back my head.Copy !req
763. K, I call this one
"Low Hanging Fruit."Copy !req
764. That ain't a finger hole...Copy !req
765. you sick bastard!Copy !req
766. I'll pop your head off...Copy !req
767. and see how you like it.Copy !req
768. I'm gonna kill both of you!Copy !req
769. I'm gonna kill the both of youse!Copy !req
770. I'll kill you both!Copy !req
771. - Well, we're on the right track.
- Just the wrong train.Copy !req
772. If he had any secrets...Copy !req
773. I'm guessing he spilled them.Copy !req
774. A smart man figures out
what victims have in common.Copy !req
775. A smart man would.Copy !req
776. That's a big-ass phone.Copy !req
777. - Don't put that up to your head.
- Agent O.Copy !req
778. How's your day been, Agent K?Copy !req
779. Fair to middling.Copy !req
780. How are things going?Copy !req
781. Very good, thank you.Copy !req
782. Hey, you saw her like an hour ago.Copy !req
783. I need cleanup and containment
at Cosmic Lanes.Copy !req
784. Listen, I got a dead Parlaxian.Copy !req
785. Now Roman was a Byvoid,
correct me if I'm wrong...Copy !req
786. - ... from the same planetary grouping?
- A system in the Triangulum Galaxy...Copy !req
787. wiped out by Boglodites.Copy !req
788. Wasn't the third planet—?Copy !req
789. - Glamouria?
- Glamouria.Copy !req
790. Thank you, Miss O.Copy !req
791. I know where Boris
is headed to next.Copy !req
792. You were close, slick.
It's not a factory, it's the Factory.Copy !req
793. Look, if Boris turns out
to be here, I'm gonna kill him...Copy !req
794. - ... I need my gun.
- No deal.Copy !req
795. I've been an agent for 14 years.Copy !req
796. Which means I'm the senior agent
on this case. Now, I hate to pull rank...Copy !req
797. but I am instructing
my junior agent...Copy !req
798. that's you, to give me my gun
right now. That's an order.Copy !req
799. No, no, no, space gun.Copy !req
800. You're welcome.Copy !req
801. I didn't say thank you.Copy !req
802. For such an ungainly species,
they've thrived on Earth.Copy !req
803. I was an agent for three years...Copy !req
804. before I realised
all models were aliens.Copy !req
805. Found out the hard way.Copy !req
806. Password?Copy !req
807. Hey, look, funky '60s dude,
we don't have a lot of time.Copy !req
808. Janis Joplin.Copy !req
809. Is there anybody here
who's not an alien?Copy !req
810. Very nice.Copy !req
811. Blink. That's good.Copy !req
812. Look in the camera.Copy !req
813. Is that Andy Warhol?Copy !req
814. Yep.Copy !req
815. Excuse me, Mr. Warhol,
could we have a minute?Copy !req
816. Now is not a good time.
This is a be-in.Copy !req
817. Just a few...Copy !req
818. questions.Copy !req
819. No questions. No answers.Copy !req
820. Just being.Copy !req
821. We have an urgent matter
to discuss with you...Copy !req
822. regarding one
of your party guests.Copy !req
823. Why don't you come back...Copy !req
824. next week, after the happening...Copy !req
825. has happened.Copy !req
826. Sorry, Mr. Warhol. You like
talking slow. We got stuff to do.Copy !req
827. I've got a planet to save.Copy !req
828. You're distressing. Everything...Copy !req
829. about you upsets me.Copy !req
830. Damn it, K!
Are you trying to blow my cover?Copy !req
831. Agent W, your cover is safe.Copy !req
832. Whoa, Andy Warhol is one of us?Copy !req
833. Safe?Copy !req
834. You out of your mind?
I'm so out of ideas...Copy !req
835. I'm painting cans
and bananas for chrissakes.Copy !req
836. Actually, Mr. Warhol,
I gotta tell you, I love your work.Copy !req
837. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
838. Who's the dumb-ass?Copy !req
839. How about a little
professional courtesy here?Copy !req
840. - Dumb-ass.
- Say it again.Copy !req
841. - Want me to?
- I dare you.Copy !req
842. Dumb-ass.Copy !req
843. - Agents.
- I have no problem...Copy !req
844. pimp-slapping the shiznit
out of Andy Warhol.Copy !req
845. What?Copy !req
846. Why are you looking at me?Copy !req
847. Oh, all right. You know what?
Agent K...Copy !req
848. you see what information
you can get from Agent W...Copy !req
849. and I'll go case the perimeter.Copy !req
850. - That work for everybody?
- Go do that.Copy !req
851. - How about that?
- Oh, cute.Copy !req
852. - Okay.
- Very nice.Copy !req
853. Someone forget his nap?Copy !req
854. Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
855. Chilling.Copy !req
856. Who's that guy?Copy !req
857. Don't tell me he's your new partner.Copy !req
858. Actually, he's my old partner.
He travelled back from the future—Copy !req
859. Stop, don't tell me.
I don't want to know.Copy !req
860. Andy, Yoko's here.Copy !req
861. Yoko's here.Copy !req
862. Tell her that I'm filming this man
eating a hamburger.Copy !req
863. It's transcendent.Copy !req
864. All right, now the pickle.Copy !req
865. What are you doing on my turf?Copy !req
866. Tracking a killer. Boglodite.Copy !req
867. We believe he's gonna
hit here next, a Glamourian.Copy !req
868. Glamourian?
Right solar system, wrong planet.Copy !req
869. He's gotta be after the Archanan.Copy !req
870. Archanans are extinct.Copy !req
871. Apparently not.
One washed ashore last week.Copy !req
872. The whole Roswell circuit's
all abuzz about it.Copy !req
873. Alien unicorn. Last of its species.Copy !req
874. His name's Griffin.Copy !req
875. Griffin the Archanan.Copy !req
876. How's it going?Copy !req
877. Going? How's it going? That depends.
For me, personally, things are good.Copy !req
878. Unless we're in the future...Copy !req
879. where the muscle boy argues
with his girlfriend.Copy !req
880. She storms off and bumps the guy
with the stuffed mushrooms...Copy !req
881. who dumps the tray
on the sailors on leave.Copy !req
882. A shoving match breaks out.Copy !req
883. They crash into the table.
In which case, I gotta move my plate.Copy !req
884. Or it's the future where
the pastrami sandwich I'm eating...Copy !req
885. causes me gastric distress.Copy !req
886. Thankfully, your friend offers
the antacids he carries...Copy !req
887. in his right pocket, so good.
I'll be good.Copy !req
888. Except in the future where
I have to leave in two minutes...Copy !req
889. before he has a chance
to offer me the antacids...Copy !req
890. so on the whole, I'd have to say
not good. I am not good.Copy !req
891. But that depends.Copy !req
892. K!Copy !req
893. How will we find this guy?Copy !req
894. What am I, a schmuck?Copy !req
895. He's here?Copy !req
896. "Here" is a relative term.
He's a fifth dimensional being.Copy !req
897. They can live in and visualise
an infinite set...Copy !req
898. of time-space probabilities
simultaneously.Copy !req
899. Sounds like fun. Good work.Copy !req
900. Whoa, whoa, K, K, K.Copy !req
901. You gotta fake my death, okay?Copy !req
902. I can't listen to sitar music anymore.Copy !req
903. All right, I'll see what I can do.
I'll talk to X.Copy !req
904. K, I can't tell
the women from the men.Copy !req
905. May I see your watch?Copy !req
906. Oh, it is 7:18.Copy !req
907. No, no, your other watch,
the one your father gave you.Copy !req
908. How do you know
about my father's watch?Copy !req
909. Oh, dear.Copy !req
910. This is the one
where Roman is dead...Copy !req
911. and the gentleman at the
bowling alley. So much death.Copy !req
912. Such an infinitesimally
small chance for success.Copy !req
913. K!Copy !req
914. Griffin, right?Copy !req
915. We're here—Copy !req
916. Because of Boris.Copy !req
917. We think he's coming—Copy !req
918. To kill me.
He'll be here in minutes...Copy !req
919. unless we're in...Copy !req
920. the future
where he made the lights...Copy !req
921. and is about...Copy !req
922. to shoot from the door...Copy !req
923. in which case we're all dead.Copy !req
924. Good, that was a close one.Copy !req
925. K, I need a space gun.Copy !req
926. The Boglodites...Copy !req
927. consume any planet
in their path.Copy !req
928. Mine, Roman's, the Parlaxians'.Copy !req
929. I tried to stop them, but if we stop
them here, if we deny them Earth...Copy !req
930. we can stop them.
They'll starve before...Copy !req
931. they reach the next planet.Copy !req
932. Sixty-three seconds.Copy !req
933. How do we do that? Stop them?Copy !req
934. What?Copy !req
935. Sorry. I have something for you.Copy !req
936. A gift. It can protect you.Copy !req
937. I had to hide it from Boris,
but if you find me again...Copy !req
938. I'll give it to you.Copy !req
939. Thank you. What a game!
Amazing! It's a real miracle!Copy !req
940. What do you mean? What miracle?Copy !req
941. Thirty seconds. I have to go.Copy !req
942. No, we got you.Copy !req
943. Negative possibilities are
multiplying as we speak.Copy !req
944. - Okay.
- Twenty seconds.Copy !req
945. All right.Copy !req
946. We got it, relax.Copy !req
947. If your watch is broken
and I have gastric—Copy !req
948. Fly! Find your place in the world!Copy !req
949. Oh, dear.Copy !req
950. Boris is coming through that door...Copy !req
951. in 12...Copy !req
952. 11,10—Copy !req
953. Wait!Copy !req
954. Did you have chocolate milk?Copy !req
955. Yes.Copy !req
956. Cindy.Copy !req
957. K!Copy !req
958. - Griffin!
- Got him.Copy !req
959. Damn it!Copy !req
960. I'm good, I'm good.Copy !req
961. What you got?Copy !req
962. Damn it! We had him!Copy !req
963. Relax, Cochise. We'll find him.Copy !req
964. First of all, my name is J, okay?Copy !req
965. It's not "son," it's not "slick"
and it damn sure ain't no "Cochise."Copy !req
966. I'm not gonna relax because
we're running out of time...Copy !req
967. and there's an invasion coming.Copy !req
968. You're not really recognising
my voicial intensity.Copy !req
969. But there was one guy
who could help.Copy !req
970. Hey, Griffin! Griffin! Where's Griffin?Copy !req
971. Griffin. Where's Griffin at, K?Copy !req
972. He's gone. If Boris gets to him
before we do, that's no bueno.Copy !req
973. We need pie.Copy !req
974. - What?
- My granddaddy always said:Copy !req
975. "if you got a problem
you can't solve...Copy !req
976. it helps to get out
of your head." Pie.Copy !req
977. - Pie?
- Yeah.Copy !req
978. Your granddaddy, heavyset man?Copy !req
979. - A little bit.
- Yeah, you know what?Copy !req
980. We've been doing smart stuff:Copy !req
981. We've been following clues,
doing police work.Copy !req
982. It might be time
we do something stupid.Copy !req
983. Something that ain't got
nothing to do with nothing.Copy !req
984. Now, I want some pie, K.
I want some pie.Copy !req
985. Let's go get dumb-ass pie.Copy !req
986. Sounds good.Copy !req
987. Have any specials?Copy !req
988. He'll have what he always has after
he reads the menu for 10 minutes...Copy !req
989. and asks about specials.Copy !req
990. A slice of apple pie
with a nasty piece of cheddar.Copy !req
991. I'll have the strawberry-rhubarb.Copy !req
992. It's my last meal,
I'm gonna splurge.Copy !req
993. World-class serial killer out there
and we're having pie.Copy !req
994. What do you do in your spare time,
stretch?Copy !req
995. See, I sense you're not embracing
the concept here.Copy !req
996. Pie don't work unless you let it.Copy !req
997. I'm gonna let it.Copy !req
998. And you say we don't talk?Copy !req
999. You go ahead. Ask me any question.
Anything you want.Copy !req
1000. As long as it doesn't have to do
with the case. Just let her rip.Copy !req
1001. What's up with you and O?Copy !req
1002. Me and O?Copy !req
1003. Yeah, you and O.Copy !req
1004. All right, all right.Copy !req
1005. All right, this is it.Copy !req
1006. A while back, I was assigned
to keep tabs on a musician.Copy !req
1007. Mick Jagger?Copy !req
1008. He's in this British band,
the Rolling Stones.Copy !req
1009. Rings a bell.Copy !req
1010. We believed he was on the planet
to breed with Earth women.Copy !req
1011. So I was in London
and that's when I met O.Copy !req
1012. Just smart. Funny. A great smile.Copy !req
1013. And we find ourselves in this pub,
which is a bar, all right?Copy !req
1014. Warm beer and the worst food
you ever ate.Copy !req
1015. We just played darts
till the sun came up.Copy !req
1016. Neither of us wanted to leave.Copy !req
1017. What the hell happened
to you, man?Copy !req
1018. I don't know. It hasn't happened yet.Copy !req
1019. Come on, what about you, slick?
In the future, you got yourself a girl?Copy !req
1020. I got you.Copy !req
1021. I cannot believe this,
freaking New York Mets.Copy !req
1022. Total losers!Copy !req
1023. It's a rough time
to be a Mets fan.Copy !req
1024. Tell me about it.
Never gonna catch the Cubs.Copy !req
1025. That's funny. The Mets actually
win it all this year.Copy !req
1026. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1027. No, I'm serious.Copy !req
1028. I'm sure.Copy !req
1029. Look, three months from now,
your buddies down there...Copy !req
1030. are gonna be calling them
the Amazing Mets...Copy !req
1031. and the Miracle Mets.Copy !req
1032. What?Copy !req
1033. What you got there, hoss?Copy !req
1034. The Archanan said, "it's amazing!
It's a miracle! I'll see you at the game."Copy !req
1035. I know where he is.Copy !req
1036. Told you to trust the pie.Copy !req
1037. If Griffin's here for a game,
he's either too early or too late.Copy !req
1038. He's here. We just gotta find him
before Boris does.Copy !req
1039. It's time to give you
your things back...Copy !req
1040. partner.Copy !req
1041. You get some pie in you,
you get all mushy.Copy !req
1042. I'm just tired of carrying your stuff.Copy !req
1043. Come on now! All right! Let's go...Copy !req
1044. Mets!Copy !req
1045. Let's go, Mets! Let's go...Copy !req
1046. - ... Mets! Let's go, Met—
- Griffin?Copy !req
1047. You're just in time!Copy !req
1048. Unless this is the one where Robinson
bad-hops it past third, it's almost over.Copy !req
1049. Are we missing something?Copy !req
1050. The game.Copy !req
1051. So this is how you see things?
This is amazing.Copy !req
1052. It's a gigantic pain in the ass.
But it has its moments.Copy !req
1053. This game doesn't happen
till October.Copy !req
1054. It's always October...Copy !req
1055. and November and March.Copy !req
1056. So many futures, and all real.
Don't know which will coalesce.Copy !req
1057. Until then, they're all happening.Copy !req
1058. Like this one, it's my favourite moment
in human history.Copy !req
1059. All the things that had to converge
for the Mets to win the World Series.Copy !req
1060. They were in last place every single
season until they won it all.Copy !req
1061. You said you had a gift.Copy !req
1062. That baseball...Copy !req
1063. thrown for the last out of game five,
manufactured in '62 by Spalding...Copy !req
1064. of Chicopee, Massachusetts,
was aerodynamically flawed...Copy !req
1065. due to the horsehide
being improperly tanned...Copy !req
1066. because the tanner's wife
left him...Copy !req
1067. for a Puerto Rican golf pro—Copy !req
1068. The gift?Copy !req
1069. Oh, yes, of course. In the box.Copy !req
1070. It's the surprise.
To protect the Earth.Copy !req
1071. It's a shield.Copy !req
1072. Shield.Copy !req
1073. Archanan. Arc Net.
You put up the Arc Net.Copy !req
1074. - How?
- When that ball is pitched to...Copy !req
1075. Davey Johnson...Copy !req
1076. who became a player...Copy !req
1077. because his dad couldn't find a
football to give him for his birthday...Copy !req
1078. it hits...Copy !req
1079. his bat two micrometres
too high...Copy !req
1080. popping out to Cleon Jones...Copy !req
1081. who would've been born Clara,
a statistical...Copy !req
1082. typist, if his parents didn't have
an extra glass of wine that night...Copy !req
1083. before going to bed.Copy !req
1084. A miracle...Copy !req
1085. is what seems impossible
but happens anyway.Copy !req
1086. I lost my planet.Copy !req
1087. I don't want you to lose yours.Copy !req
1088. It'll take a miracle,
but if you pull this off...Copy !req
1089. you'll be my new
favourite moment...Copy !req
1090. in human history.Copy !req
1091. Oh, dear.Copy !req
1092. I forgot to see this one coming.Copy !req
1093. Damn it!Copy !req
1094. Have these in the future?Copy !req
1095. No.Copy !req
1096. Get on.Copy !req
1097. Keep gyro settings at zero gain.Copy !req
1098. Balance pitch and yaw
with bursts on the centre stalk...Copy !req
1099. between 80 and 100 psi.Copy !req
1100. I didn't understand...Copy !req
1101. any of that!Copy !req
1102. - Gyro at zero gain.
- It is.Copy !req
1103. Pitch and yaw with short bursts
on the centre stalk.Copy !req
1104. I did!Copy !req
1105. Between 80 and 100 psi!Copy !req
1106. Got it.Copy !req
1107. The Arc Net! Give it to me!Copy !req
1108. This isn't the one where you get it!Copy !req
1109. - All right there, chief?
- Hell, yeah.Copy !req
1110. It'd be better with four wheels!Copy !req
1111. Two is, like, my minimum.Copy !req
1112. What happens if Boris
gets the Arc Net?Copy !req
1113. Boglodite invasion,
total destruction of Earth!Copy !req
1114. The box!Copy !req
1115. Good boy.Copy !req
1116. We gotta stop this guy!Copy !req
1117. I've been trying!Copy !req
1118. You haven't been trying?Copy !req
1119. Hey, slick.Copy !req
1120. In the future,
we ever do the Texas two-step?Copy !req
1121. Yes, sir!Copy !req
1122. Did you get him?Copy !req
1123. Give me a sec.Copy !req
1124. Is he dead?Copy !req
1125. Negative.Copy !req
1126. He got away.Copy !req
1127. I got Griffin. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
1128. I feel younger already.Copy !req
1129. You pathetic waste
of Boglodite flesh.Copy !req
1130. I'd kill you right now,
if I didn't value my own life.Copy !req
1131. - Who are you?
- Look at you.Copy !req
1132. Every mistake I've ever made,
just waiting to happen.Copy !req
1133. What happened to my arm?Copy !req
1134. You lose it, shot off by a human.Copy !req
1135. No human could defeat me.Copy !req
1136. You spend the next 40 years in prison,
chained up like an animal.Copy !req
1137. No prison can hold me!Copy !req
1138. They built one especially for us,
on the moon.Copy !req
1139. No human has been to the moon...Copy !req
1140. so they cannot have
built it there already.Copy !req
1141. Stop arguing! You can avoid
all of that if you just listen to me!Copy !req
1142. You were defeated!
You let it get shot off!Copy !req
1143. That wasn't me, that was you!Copy !req
1144. What's your plan?Copy !req
1145. Prevent the Arc Net
from being deployed.Copy !req
1146. - Kill anyone who tries.
- Good plan.Copy !req
1147. Didn't work.Copy !req
1148. With my help...Copy !req
1149. we'll get the Arc Net,
kill Agent K...Copy !req
1150. the invasion will be successful...Copy !req
1151. and we'll get to keep both...Copy !req
1152. of our ar—! Stop...Copy !req
1153. staring at it!Copy !req
1154. Listen.Copy !req
1155. - You all right?
- Yeah. Thank you for saving my life.Copy !req
1156. It's what we do.Copy !req
1157. You still have the Arc Net?Copy !req
1158. When you're being hunted
by Boris the Animal...Copy !req
1159. you get good at hiding things.Copy !req
1160. This will save your world.Copy !req
1161. Once it's outside the atmosphere,
it gets...Copy !req
1162. a whole lot bigger.Copy !req
1163. All you have to do is deploy it.Copy !req
1164. You mean in space?
Well, how do you suppose we do that?Copy !req
1165. It's just one small step.Copy !req
1166. The moon launch.Copy !req
1167. Cape Canaveral.Copy !req
1168. July 16th, 1969.Copy !req
1169. We got six hours to get to Florida.Copy !req
1170. Better get a move on, slick.Copy !req
1171. Wait, hold up.Copy !req
1172. Not us.
I'm gonna do this one alone.Copy !req
1173. He has to be the—Copy !req
1174. Griffin.Copy !req
1175. What do you mean, alone?Copy !req
1176. I'm gonna go to Florida.
You stay here.Copy !req
1177. I need you to trust me.Copy !req
1178. Trust you? I don't think so.
Something you're not telling me, slick?Copy !req
1179. You're not going to Florida.Copy !req
1180. That ain't gonna happen, partner.Copy !req
1181. Look, K...Copy !req
1182. please, I will not allow you
to go to Florida.Copy !req
1183. Stop me.Copy !req
1184. You die there!Copy !req
1185. Cape Canaveral. Apollo launch.Copy !req
1186. Boris kills you there.Copy !req
1187. That's what I'm here for.Copy !req
1188. That's what I came back to stop.Copy !req
1189. Oh, dear. We're in this one.Copy !req
1190. K...Copy !req
1191. I saw the file,
I looked at the report.Copy !req
1192. I said I told you everything—Copy !req
1193. That's for lying to me.Copy !req
1194. Look, I'm sorry, man!Copy !req
1195. That's for telling me the truth!Copy !req
1196. I'm trying to protect you...Copy !req
1197. —man!Copy !req
1198. The bitterest truth is better
than the sweetest lies.Copy !req
1199. He has to go to Cape Canaveral.Copy !req
1200. He must deploy the Arc Net
as he did before.Copy !req
1201. There's no other way.Copy !req
1202. K is the only hope in saving Earth.Copy !req
1203. Can I save him?Copy !req
1204. Is there any future
where I save his life?Copy !req
1205. Yes.Copy !req
1206. But where there is death...Copy !req
1207. there will always be death.Copy !req
1208. According to you,
I've done this before.Copy !req
1209. So we know it's possible.Copy !req
1210. If you're half the agent
you say you are...Copy !req
1211. you'll make sure
I don't get killed doing it.Copy !req
1212. So are we partners? You tell me.Copy !req
1213. Let's go.Copy !req
1214. Agent K...Copy !req
1215. - ... how are you?
- I'm good.Copy !req
1216. Okay, group hug on the way
to doing what we're doing.Copy !req
1217. This morning, man is about to launch
himself on a trip to the moon...Copy !req
1218. with the expectation
of landing there.Copy !req
1219. Look, I gotta ask you.Copy !req
1220. If we pull this off,
fix things the way they were...Copy !req
1221. O and I, are we...?Copy !req
1222. A wise man once told me...Copy !req
1223. don't ask questions you don't
want to know the answer to.Copy !req
1224. - I said that, didn't I?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
1225. Here they are.Copy !req
1226. - What are they?
- Jetpacks.Copy !req
1227. Jetpacks?Copy !req
1228. No, no, no.
We're not doing jetpacks.Copy !req
1229. There's a reason we don't
have these in the future.Copy !req
1230. K, we gotta drive.Copy !req
1231. Can't drive to Florida from Manhattan
in five hours, chief.Copy !req
1232. Yeah, we can. The red button,
standard issue in every MiB car.Copy !req
1233. Press the red button,
goes into hyperdrive.Copy !req
1234. No red buttons yet, slick.Copy !req
1235. Come on, man.Copy !req
1236. Do you know...Copy !req
1237. how to work this thing?Copy !req
1238. It's like with anything.Copy !req
1239. Just have to strap yourself in,
hope for the best.Copy !req
1240. Isn't that right, Miss O?Copy !req
1241. Unfortunately, it is.Copy !req
1242. You ready, slick?Copy !req
1243. Let's get it.Copy !req
1244. This is gonna be interesting!Copy !req
1245. It's just minutes to the...Copy !req
1246. historic launch of Apollo 11...Copy !req
1247. with all going well.Copy !req
1248. I'm so glad this isn't
one of the times we explode.Copy !req
1249. One of the times?Copy !req
1250. Oh, we got company.Copy !req
1251. The hell?Copy !req
1252. Is that a battery belt?Copy !req
1253. All right, I got it.Copy !req
1254. No, any reality
that gets the shield deployed...Copy !req
1255. is one where you tell the truth.Copy !req
1256. The truth?Copy !req
1257. The truth is the only path.Copy !req
1258. This is a restricted area!Copy !req
1259. Yes, sir, it is.Copy !req
1260. Good day, gentlemen.
Great day for America, isn't it?Copy !req
1261. My name is Agent J.
This is Agent K. That's Griff.Copy !req
1262. We're from a secret government
organisation...Copy !req
1263. that polices and monitors
alien activity on and off planet Earth.Copy !req
1264. Here's the thing.Copy !req
1265. We have this special
little metal thingy...Copy !req
1266. that Griff gave us that we have
to get on top of that rocket...Copy !req
1267. to prevent an alien invasion.Copy !req
1268. That worked.Copy !req
1269. - Like a charm.
- Sir, Delta Gate. We have a problem.Copy !req
1270. Three trespassers. No IDs,
but they've got weapons, sir.Copy !req
1271. Some kind I've never seen before.Copy !req
1272. What breed of fool
do you have to be...Copy !req
1273. to penetrate my site
on the day of the most massive feat...Copy !req
1274. attempted by mankind?Copy !req
1275. Watched by God, the population
of the planet and my own...Copy !req
1276. - ... firstborn!
- Colonel?Copy !req
1277. Colonel, they had these.Copy !req
1278. They said they needed
to put something on the rocket...Copy !req
1279. for an invasion.Copy !req
1280. Thanks.Copy !req
1281. I got 10 minutes to launch.Copy !req
1282. If you pose a threat to that rocket,
you tell me now and do not lie to me.Copy !req
1283. I told the truth last time.Copy !req
1284. Sir, this man came here from...Copy !req
1285. the future to protect me...Copy !req
1286. so I can attach a shield to the top
of that rocket and save the world.Copy !req
1287. I need your help to do that.Copy !req
1288. Take them to the brig.Copy !req
1289. You're slipping, Griff.Copy !req
1290. Sir, if I may.Copy !req
1291. Corporal.Copy !req
1292. You men are no longer needed.Copy !req
1293. I'll take the prisoners.Copy !req
1294. - Sir, are you—?
- Dismissed.Copy !req
1295. Follow me.Copy !req
1296. You did the future thing.
What did you show him?Copy !req
1297. Only what he needed to see.Copy !req
1298. I have to go now.Copy !req
1299. What? No, no, no. Come on.Copy !req
1300. You don't need me anymore.Copy !req
1301. All right, Griff,
don't start flipping on me.Copy !req
1302. When Boris' arm is taken, the past
will be as it was. K will survive.Copy !req
1303. He will not know
you were ever here.Copy !req
1304. All right. Arm gone, got it.
Like a reset?Copy !req
1305. When that happens, go home.
Leave.Copy !req
1306. You coming?Copy !req
1307. Yeah, all right!Copy !req
1308. Thanks, man.
Hey, will I ever see you again?Copy !req
1309. Anything's possible.Copy !req
1310. Oh, Griff.Copy !req
1311. I can never bear to watch this part.Copy !req
1312. Armstrong and Aldrin
are scheduled...Copy !req
1313. to set foot on the moon...Copy !req
1314. on early Monday morning,
Eastern Daylight Time.Copy !req
1315. Where's Griffin?Copy !req
1316. Doing his own thing.Copy !req
1317. Gentlemen.Copy !req
1318. This elevator
will take you to the top.Copy !req
1319. To get the Arc Net
outside the atmosphere...Copy !req
1320. you need to strap it to the escape
rocket above the capsule!Copy !req
1321. You do not want to be...Copy !req
1322. anywhere near this rocket
when it takes off!Copy !req
1323. - Questions?
- No. Thank you for this, colonel.Copy !req
1324. Some job you got there.Copy !req
1325. Hey, thanks a lot, bro.Copy !req
1326. What did Griff
show you back there?Copy !req
1327. How important you are.Copy !req
1328. You and your partner.Copy !req
1329. If everything goes right
the way we hope it does...Copy !req
1330. I'm gonna end up
getting out of here pretty quick...Copy !req
1331. so I'm not gonna have a chance
to say a proper goodbye.Copy !req
1332. If things go wrong,
not gonna have a chance to, either.Copy !req
1333. So I guess win or lose, this is it.Copy !req
1334. I see why I recruited you.Copy !req
1335. You're a good man.Copy !req
1336. Good man.Copy !req
1337. Man, what the hell
happened to you?Copy !req
1338. I told you,
it still hasn't happened yet.Copy !req
1339. I'll take this one!Copy !req
1340. naughty-Copy !req
1341. Get a pedicure if you get a second.Copy !req
1342. And liftoff.Copy !req
1343. Just passed the two-minute mark...Copy !req
1344. in the countdown, and all is still go
as we monitor our status board.Copy !req
1345. Astronauts report it feels good.
Power transfer is complete.Copy !req
1346. Neil Armstrong just reported back
it's been a smooth countdown.Copy !req
1347. Hey!Copy !req
1348. Boris, can you give me a hand?Copy !req
1349. Hey-Copy !req
1350. Hey!Copy !req
1351. You hear me calling you?Copy !req
1352. Boris the Animal!Copy !req
1353. Hey!Copy !req
1354. Boris the Animal!Copy !req
1355. It's just Boris!Copy !req
1356. You're gonna lose.Copy !req
1357. Let's agree to disagree.Copy !req
1358. Hey!Copy !req
1359. Boris the Animal!Copy !req
1360. Right.Copy !req
1361. Left.Copy !req
1362. You're gonna lose.Copy !req
1363. Let's agree to disagree.Copy !req
1364. Hey!Copy !req
1365. Boris the Animal!Copy !req
1366. Right.Copy !req
1367. Left. Left.Copy !req
1368. Right.Copy !req
1369. That's not possible.Copy !req
1370. Let's agree to disagree.Copy !req
1371. That's not possible!Copy !req
1372. K!Copy !req
1373. I win! I'm better than me!Copy !req
1374. That's my partner.Copy !req
1375. That's my partner!Copy !req
1376. If we call this in...Copy !req
1377. - ... they'll scrub the launch.
- I didn't see anything.Copy !req
1378. - Where's your partner?
- He went home.Copy !req
1379. - How does that work?
- You got me.Copy !req
1380. Come on!Copy !req
1381. Get down!Copy !req
1382. Bingo.Copy !req
1383. Man, that is some next-level stuff.Copy !req
1384. You ever want to see more...Copy !req
1385. I know a top-secret organisation
that could use a man like you.Copy !req
1386. I wish I could.Copy !req
1387. Thank you.Copy !req
1388. I'll see you around, K.Copy !req
1389. Look out!Copy !req
1390. Go ahead.Copy !req
1391. Arrest me.Copy !req
1392. Not this time.Copy !req
1393. "Where there's death,
there will always be death."Copy !req
1394. Daddy! Daddy!Copy !req
1395. Hey-Copy !req
1396. Hey, my name's K.
What's your name?Copy !req
1397. James.Copy !req
1398. James? That's a nice name.Copy !req
1399. Where's my dad?Copy !req
1400. What have you got there?
What is that?Copy !req
1401. My dad gave it to me.Copy !req
1402. We timed the launch.Copy !req
1403. Where is my daddy?Copy !req
1404. He...Copy !req
1405. He went to go do something
very special.Copy !req
1406. And he wanted me...Copy !req
1407. to stay here and take care
of his best pal.Copy !req
1408. When is he gonna be back?Copy !req
1409. He...Copy !req
1410. James...Copy !req
1411. if you look right here...Copy !req
1412. I will tell you the only thing
you ever need to know.Copy !req
1413. Your daddy is a hero.Copy !req
1414. My daddy is a hero?Copy !req
1415. - Want to take a walk with me?
- Yes.Copy !req
1416. James?Copy !req
1417. You're late.Copy !req
1418. Sorry. Lost track of time.Copy !req
1419. How do you know that song?Copy !req
1420. Drink your coffee.
We got work to do.Copy !req
1421. What do you know
and what do you don't?Copy !req
1422. How do I know what I don't know?Copy !req
1423. That's a really good question.
Did we go to Wu's last night?Copy !req
1424. Yeah.Copy !req
1425. Boglodites?Copy !req
1426. Extinct for 40 years.Copy !req
1427. Perfect. Did we talk
on the phone last night?Copy !req
1428. You hung up on me.Copy !req
1429. Yeah, I did.Copy !req
1430. But that was because
of all those secrets...Copy !req
1431. the universe doesn't know about.Copy !req
1432. But...Copy !req
1433. I've realised that...Copy !req
1434. last night was a long...Copy !req
1435. long time ago.Copy !req
1436. And, really,
I just want to say thank you.Copy !req
1437. It's been my privilege.Copy !req
1438. You know, there's a really
high possibility now...Copy !req
1439. that I might know some things
you don't know.Copy !req
1440. I doubt it.Copy !req
1441. I bet I know what went down
with you and O.Copy !req
1442. She's a fine lady,
but you know the rules.Copy !req
1443. There's no fraternising
amongst agents.Copy !req
1444. I think y'all might have fraternised
a time or two.Copy !req
1445. This is my new favourite moment
in human history.Copy !req
1446. Unless this is the one
where K forgot to leave a tip.Copy !req
1447. Almost forgot.Copy !req
1448. That was a close one.Copy !req