1. Goddamn bugs.Copy !req
2. Oh, shit.Copy !req
3. Oh, crap.Copy !req
4. Well, Nick the Dick.
What a surprise.Copy !req
5. Where you coming from, Nick?Copy !req
6. - Fishing in Cuernavaca.
- Sure you were.Copy !req
7. What do you say
we take a look at your catch, huh?Copy !req
8. Come on.Copy !req
9. Me, I would've thrown them back.Copy !req
10. So, Nick, what do you get?Copy !req
11. A hundred bucks a head here?
Two hundred?Copy !req
12. Hope you saved it all for your lawyer
because you are gonna need it.Copy !req
13. - We'll take it from here.
- Who the hell are you?Copy !req
14. INS, Division 6.Copy !req
15. Division 6?
I never heard of Division 6.Copy !req
16. Really?Copy !req
17. - Who you got your money on, Dee?
- Tough call, Kay.Copy !req
18. - We've got a winner here, Dee.
- Oh, I know.Copy !req
19. - Sir. Sir, you can't just—
- Don't "sir" me, young man.Copy !req
20. You have no idea
who you're dealing with.Copy !req
21. We're gonna have a chat
with our friend.Copy !req
22. You fellas can hit the road.Copy !req
23. Keep on protecting us
from the dangerous aliens.Copy !req
24. You ever hear of Division 6?Copy !req
25. There is no Division 6.
This is bullshit.Copy !req
26. Hell, yeah.Copy !req
27. Looks like you fell off the bus
in the wrong part of town, amigo.Copy !req
28. In fact, I'm gonna bet dollars to pesos
you're not from anywhere near here.Copy !req
29. Mikey?Copy !req
30. Mikey, when did they let you
out of jail?Copy !req
31. Political refugee, right.Copy !req
32. You know how many treaties
you just violated?Copy !req
33. - One?
- Try seven.Copy !req
34. That's enough, Mikey.
You hand me that head.Copy !req
35. Put up your arms
and all your flippers.Copy !req
36. Shit.Copy !req
37. Dee, shoot him.Copy !req
38. Dee!Copy !req
39. - "That."
- That...Copy !req
40. Was not human. I know.Copy !req
41. Looks like you got some entrails
on you there, pal.Copy !req
42. - What the hell?
- The situation's under control.Copy !req
43. Calm down, please.
Give me your attention for a moment.Copy !req
44. I'll be glad
to tell you what happened.Copy !req
45. This is called a neuralyzer.
It's a gift from friends from out of town.Copy !req
46. This red eye here will isolate
the electronic impulses in your brains.Copy !req
47. Specifically, the ones for memory.
That's good, fellas.Copy !req
48. Give me a splay burn
around the perimeter...Copy !req
49. with holes at 40, 60 and 80 meters
from right here.Copy !req
50. Thank you.Copy !req
51. - That's good. Thank you.
- What in the hell is going on?Copy !req
52. Excellent question.Copy !req
53. And the answer you're looking for
lies right here.Copy !req
54. - Who are you, really?
- Really?Copy !req
55. I am just a figment
of your imagination.Copy !req
56. Damn, what a gullible breed.Copy !req
57. I'm serious, fellas.Copy !req
58. You're lucky to be alive
after a blast like that.Copy !req
59. - What blast?
- The underground gas main, genius.Copy !req
60. You need to exercise more caution...Copy !req
61. before discharging your firearms,
I'll tell you that now. Especially you.Copy !req
62. Have yourself checked out
with EMS...Copy !req
63. on the other side of the hill
before you leave.Copy !req
64. I'm sorry about back there.Copy !req
65. - It happens.
- Didn't used to.Copy !req
66. The spirit's willing, Kay...Copy !req
67. but the rest of me...Copy !req
68. - They're beautiful, aren't they?
- What?Copy !req
69. The stars.Copy !req
70. - We never just look anymore.
- No.Copy !req
71. I'll tell you, Kay...Copy !req
72. I will miss the chase.Copy !req
73. No, Dee, you won't.Copy !req
74. Freeze! N.Y.P.D. Freeze!Copy !req
75. All yours, Edwards.Copy !req
76. "Freeze" means stop.Copy !req
77. What the hell?Copy !req
78. All right.Copy !req
79. Come on.Copy !req
80. It just be raining black people
in New York.Copy !req
81. Do you see this?Copy !req
82. "N-Y-P-D."Copy !req
83. Means I will
knock your punk ass down.Copy !req
84. He's coming. He's coming.Copy !req
85. Yeah, and when he gets here,
I'll arrest his ass too.Copy !req
86. Oh, you're trying
to catch a beat-down, huh?Copy !req
87. What's up?Copy !req
88. He's coming.Copy !req
89. He's coming because I failed,
and now he'll kill me too.Copy !req
90. Yeah? Well, you're just
pissing everybody off today, huh?Copy !req
91. You don't understand.
Your world's gonna end.Copy !req
92. What the hell are you?Copy !req
93. Hey, watch that ledge.
Watch the ledge.Copy !req
94. Wait. Look, look, come on down.Copy !req
95. We'll get those eyes fixed.
Don't even worry about it.Copy !req
96. Look, all right, wait a minute.
Let me talk to you.Copy !req
97. I go out,
I work my butt off to make a living.Copy !req
98. All I want is to come home
to a clean house...Copy !req
99. with a fat steak on the table,
but instead I get this.Copy !req
100. It looks like poison.Copy !req
101. Don't you take that away.
I'm eating that, damn it.Copy !req
102. It is poison, isn't it?Copy !req
103. I swear to God,
I would not be surprised if it was...Copy !req
104. the way you skulk around
like a dog who been hit too much...Copy !req
105. or ain't been hit enough,
I can't make up my mind.Copy !req
106. You're useless, Beatrice.Copy !req
107. The only thing that pulls its weight
around here is my goddamn truck.Copy !req
108. Figures.Copy !req
109. What the heck is it, Edgar?Copy !req
110. Get your big butt back in the house.Copy !req
111. Place projectile weapon
on the ground.Copy !req
112. You can have my gun...Copy !req
113. when you pry it
from my cold, dead fingers.Copy !req
114. Your proposal is acceptable.Copy !req
115. - Edgar, what on Earth was that?
- Sugar.Copy !req
116. I've never seen sugar do that.Copy !req
117. Give me sugar.Copy !req
118. In water.Copy !req
119. More.Copy !req
120. More.Copy !req
121. Edgar, your skin
is hanging off your bones.Copy !req
122. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
123. There. Is that better?Copy !req
124. "The perpetrator
then blinked two sets of eyelids."Copy !req
125. You mean blinked with both eyes?Copy !req
126. No, sir, he blinked one set, then
he blinked a completely different set.Copy !req
127. You know, like high beams
and low beams.Copy !req
128. Was that before
or after he drew the weapon...Copy !req
129. that you claim evaporated
into a million pieces?Copy !req
130. After, sir.Copy !req
131. And why is it
that none of the other officers...Copy !req
132. saw either of these events?Copy !req
133. Some of the other officers
are soggy around the midsection.Copy !req
134. I guess they weren't able to keep up.Copy !req
135. Edwards,
if you were half the man I am—Copy !req
136. What are you talking about?
I am half the man you are.Copy !req
137. What is your problem?Copy !req
138. My problem
is you being up in my face.Copy !req
139. - I think he threw him off the roof.
- Maybe you next.Copy !req
140. I wanna talk to you.Copy !req
141. Ten minutes,
you take your best shot, tough guy.Copy !req
142. Take 10 minutes on a StairMaster,
you pudgy bastard.Copy !req
143. I believe you.Copy !req
144. Laurel Weaver,
deputy medical examiner.Copy !req
145. Find me at the morgue on 26th.
I'll show you.Copy !req
146. Wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
147. Excuse me, you're Dr. Weaver
with the coroner's office...Copy !req
148. working on the John Doe, right?Copy !req
149. - Yes, that's right.
- Will you look at this, please?Copy !req
150. Some night, huh?Copy !req
151. - Yeah, some night.
- They were gills, not eyelids.Copy !req
152. Gills. He was out of breath.Copy !req
153. - Who are you?
- Did he say anything to you?Copy !req
154. Yeah, he said
the world was coming to an end.Copy !req
155. Did he say when?Copy !req
156. Would you recognize that weapon
of his if you saw it again?Copy !req
157. Absolutely.Copy !req
158. Come on, let's take a ride.Copy !req
159. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Look, I got tons of paperwork and—Copy !req
160. - Right, it's all done.
- Good work, Edwards.Copy !req
161. You really ran this dude down on foot?
That's tough, kid.Copy !req
162. That's double tough.Copy !req
163. So who exactly are you with?
FBI? NSA?Copy !req
164. I'm part of a bureau that licenses,
monitors...Copy !req
165. and polices alien activity
on the planet Earth.Copy !req
166. - Yeah, whatever.
- We're here.Copy !req
167. - This is where we're going?
- Yeah.Copy !req
168. This is Jack Jeebs' spot.
He buys from chain-Snatchers.Copy !req
169. - He doesn't even sell guns.
- Really?Copy !req
170. All right, look, I'm gonna slide in here
and put my thing down...Copy !req
171. but when I come out,
I want some real answers.Copy !req
172. Okay, go put your thing down.Copy !req
173. Officer Eduardo.
Hey, how did these get here?Copy !req
174. I thought I turned these in
to the authorities.Copy !req
175. The way I hear it...Copy !req
176. you into something hotter
than stolen Rolexes.Copy !req
177. I'm a crack dealer now,
but I still work here. I love the hours.Copy !req
178. I'm talking about guns, smart-ass.
Weird ones.Copy !req
179. Come on, Edwards.
What you see is what I got.Copy !req
180. Why don't you show him the imports,
Jeebs?Copy !req
181. - Hey, Kay. How are you?
- Show him the imports right now.Copy !req
182. I got out of that business
a long time ago.Copy !req
183. - Why do you lie to me? I hate it.
- Now, just hold on a second.Copy !req
184. I'm gonna count to three.Copy !req
185. - He'll do it, Jeebs.
- One.Copy !req
186. - That man does not look stable.
- Two.Copy !req
187. You know what? Talk to me.
He's crazy when he's like this.Copy !req
188. He's always crazy. Get a massage.
Take a cruise—Copy !req
189. - Three.
- Drop the weapon.Copy !req
190. - Hands on your head.
- I warned him.Copy !req
191. - Drop the weapon.
- You warned him.Copy !req
192. - Don't make me kill you.
- You insensitive prick.Copy !req
193. Do you have any idea
how much that stings?Copy !req
194. Show us the merchandise
or you're gonna lose another head.Copy !req
195. Mr. Edwards.Copy !req
196. Right there, the one in the middle.Copy !req
197. You sold a reverberating carbonizer
with mutate capacity...Copy !req
198. to an unlicensed cephalopoid,
Jeebs, you piece of—Copy !req
199. - He looked all right to me.
- Must have been for an assassination.Copy !req
200. - Who's the target?
- I don't know.Copy !req
201. - Goddamn it, Jeebs.
- I don't know.Copy !req
202. That's confiscated, and I want you
on the next transport off this rock...Copy !req
203. or I'm gonna shoot you
where it don't grow back.Copy !req
204. Yeah, and...Copy !req
205. And I'm gonna be back
to talk about them Rolexes.Copy !req
206. Searching for a handle
on the moment?Copy !req
207. I can't help you.Copy !req
208. The only comfort I can offer
is my promise...Copy !req
209. that tomorrow morning
you won't remember a thing.Copy !req
210. Yeah, well, that's not exactly
some shit you just forget.Copy !req
211. You ever seen one of these?Copy !req
212. She looks over at her husband,
then she sets it back down in her lap...Copy !req
213. and she says:Copy !req
214. "Honey,
this one's eating my popcorn."Copy !req
215. Did you get it?
This one's eating my...Copy !req
216. I gotta go.
Thanks for the egg rolls, kid.Copy !req
217. - Hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
- You see what I mean about tequila?Copy !req
218. You're a very bright young man,
but you need to lay off the sauce.Copy !req
219. Now, I'll see you bright and early,
9:00.Copy !req
220. Be there or be square.Copy !req
221. Well, well, well.Copy !req
222. Moving right in, are we?
Think we own the place?Copy !req
223. I got a little eviction notice
for you boys.Copy !req
224. Just what exactly
do you think you're doing here?Copy !req
225. - I'm taking care of your pest problem.
- Pest problem?Copy !req
226. - Pest?
- Yeah, you got a hell of an infestation.Copy !req
227. You know,
I've noticed an infestation here.Copy !req
228. Everywhere I look, in fact,
nothing but undeveloped, unevolved...Copy !req
229. barely conscious pond scum...Copy !req
230. totally convinced
of their own superiority...Copy !req
231. as they scurry about their short,
pointless lives.Copy !req
232. Well, yeah.Copy !req
233. - Don't you wanna get rid of them?
- In the worst way.Copy !req
234. - Help you?
- Yeah, this dude gave me this card—Copy !req
235. Elevator.Copy !req
236. You're late. Sit down.Copy !req
237. My name is Zed.Copy !req
238. You're all here
because you're the best of the best.Copy !req
239. Marines, Air Force, Navy SEALs,
Army Rangers, N.Y.P.D.Copy !req
240. And we're looking for one of you,
just one.Copy !req
241. What will follow
is a series of simple tests...Copy !req
242. for motor skills,
concentration, stamina.Copy !req
243. I see we have a question.Copy !req
244. Yeah, I'm sorry,
maybe you already answered this...Copy !req
245. but why exactly are we here?Copy !req
246. - Son?
- Second Lieutenant Jake Jensen.Copy !req
247. West Point graduate with honors.Copy !req
248. We're here because you're looking
for the best of the best of the best, sir.Copy !req
249. - What's so funny, Edwards?
- Your boy Captain America over here.Copy !req
250. "The best of the best
of the best, sir."Copy !req
251. You know, "With honors."Copy !req
252. You know, he's just really excited,
and he has no clue why we're here.Copy !req
253. That's just— That's very funny to me.Copy !req
254. Y'all ain't laughing, though.Copy !req
255. Okay, let's get going.Copy !req
256. Wanna get down on this?Copy !req
257. - Edwards, what the hell happened?
- Hesitated.Copy !req
258. May I ask why you felt
little Tiffany deserved to die?Copy !req
259. Well, she was the only one
that seemed dangerous at the time.Copy !req
260. How'd you come to that conclusion?Copy !req
261. I was gonna pop this guy
hanging from the light.Copy !req
262. I realized he's just working out.Copy !req
263. How would I feel
if somebody bust me and my ass...Copy !req
264. while I'm on the treadmill?Copy !req
265. Then I saw this snarling beast guy.Copy !req
266. I noticed he had a tissue in his hand,
and I realized he's not snarling...Copy !req
267. he's sneezing.Copy !req
268. You know, ain't no real threat there.
Then I saw Tiffany.Copy !req
269. I'm thinking, 8-year-old white girl,
middle of the ghetto...Copy !req
270. bunch of monsters,
with quantum-physics books?Copy !req
271. She about to start some shit.
She's 8 years old.Copy !req
272. Those books
are way too advanced for her.Copy !req
273. If you ask me,
I say she's up to something.Copy !req
274. And to be honest, I'd appreciate it
if you eased up off my back about it.Copy !req
275. Or do I owe her an apology?Copy !req
276. That was a good shot, though, right?Copy !req
277. - He's got a real problem with authority.
- So do I.Copy !req
278. But this kid ran down a cephalopoid
on foot, boss.Copy !req
279. That's gotta be tough enough.Copy !req
280. Let's hope
you know what you're doing.Copy !req
281. Gentlemen, congratulations.Copy !req
282. You're everything we've come to expect
from years of government training.Copy !req
283. And now, if you'll just follow me,
we have one more test to administer:Copy !req
284. an eye exam.Copy !req
285. Where are you going?Copy !req
286. Yo. Hey, man,
what the hell is all this?Copy !req
287. Back in the 1950s, the government
started an underfunded agency...Copy !req
288. with the purpose of establishing
contact with a race not of this planet.Copy !req
289. If you'll look at the end of this device,
we'll administer the eye test.Copy !req
290. Everybody thought the agency
was a joke except the aliens...Copy !req
291. who made contact March 2, 1961,
outside New York.Copy !req
292. There were nine of us the first night:
seven agents, one astronomer...Copy !req
293. and one dumb kid
who got lost on the wrong back road.Copy !req
294. You brought that tall man
some flowers.Copy !req
295. This way.Copy !req
296. They were a group
of intergalactic refugees.Copy !req
297. Wanted to use the Earth
as an apolitical zone...Copy !req
298. for creatures without a planet.Copy !req
299. You ever see the movie Casablanca?
It's the same thing, except no Nazis.Copy !req
300. We agreed...Copy !req
301. and we concealed all the evidence
of their landing.Copy !req
302. So these are real flying saucers...Copy !req
303. and the World's Fair
was just a cover-up?Copy !req
304. Why else would we hold it
in Queens?Copy !req
305. More nonhumans arrive every year,
and they live among us in secret.Copy !req
306. Look, I'm sorry, not to change
the subject or anything...Copy !req
307. but when was the last time
you had a CAT scan?Copy !req
308. Six months ago. It's company policy.Copy !req
309. Right, you should
make another appointment.Copy !req
310. Look, tell your boy Zed
I had an absolutely wonderful time...Copy !req
311. and thank you for everything,
but why don't you show me the door?Copy !req
312. All right. I'm gonna get some coffee.
You want some coffee?Copy !req
313. No, thank you, I'm fine.Copy !req
314. How you doing, fellas?Copy !req
315. - Hi, Kay.
- Hi, Kay.Copy !req
316. - That's not decaf, is it?
- Viennese cinnamon.Copy !req
317. Don't tell me we only got
powdered stuff for cream.Copy !req
318. I hate that stuff.Copy !req
319. Oh, that's good. Good, good.Copy !req
320. You guys getting along all right?Copy !req
321. - Well, don't work too hard.
- Okay. Bye.Copy !req
322. Sure you don't want some coffee?Copy !req
323. All right, kid, here's the deal.Copy !req
324. At any given time...Copy !req
325. there are around 1500 aliens
on the planet...Copy !req
326. most of them right here
in Manhattan.Copy !req
327. And most of them are decent enough.
They're just trying to make a living.Copy !req
328. - Cabdrivers.
- No, not as many as you'd think.Copy !req
329. Humans, for the most part,
don't have a clue.Copy !req
330. Don't want or need one.
They're happy.Copy !req
331. They think they have a good bead
on things.Copy !req
332. But why the big secret?Copy !req
333. - People are smart. They can handle it.
- A person is smart.Copy !req
334. People are dumb, panicky,
dangerous animals, and you know it.Copy !req
335. Fifteen hundred years ago...Copy !req
336. everybody knew the Earth
was the center of the universe.Copy !req
337. Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat.Copy !req
338. And 15 minutes ago...Copy !req
339. you knew that people were alone
on this planet.Copy !req
340. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.Copy !req
341. - What's the catch?
- The catch?Copy !req
342. The catch is,
you will sever every human contact.Copy !req
343. Nobody will ever know
you exist anywhere.Copy !req
344. Ever.Copy !req
345. I'll give you to sunrise
to think it over.Copy !req
346. Hey. Is it worth it?Copy !req
347. Oh, yeah, it's worth it.Copy !req
348. If you're strong enough.Copy !req
349. What's up, pops?Copy !req
350. All right, I'm in because, look...Copy !req
351. there's some next-level shit
going on, and I'm with that.Copy !req
352. But before y'all get to beaming me up,
there's a couple things to understand.Copy !req
353. First off, you chose me,
so you recognize the skills.Copy !req
354. I don't want nobody calling me "son"
or "kid" or "sport" or nothing like that.Copy !req
355. - Cool?
- Whatever you say, slick.Copy !req
356. But I need to tell you something
about all your skills.Copy !req
357. As of right now...Copy !req
358. they mean precisely dick.Copy !req
359. - Purpose of trip?
- Diplomatic mission.Copy !req
360. - Duration of stay?
- Lunch.Copy !req
361. Any fruits or vegetables?Copy !req
362. Please meet your party
outside the containment area.Copy !req
363. You wanna stay away from that guy.
He's...Copy !req
364. He's grouchy.Copy !req
365. Three-hour delay in customs
after a trip of 17 trillion miles...Copy !req
366. is gonna make anybody cranky,
you know?Copy !req
367. What branch of the government
do we report to?Copy !req
368. - None. They ask too many questions.
- Who pays for this?Copy !req
369. We hold patents
on a few gadgets we confiscated...Copy !req
370. from out-of-state visitors:
Velcro, microwave ovens, liposuction.Copy !req
371. That's a fascinating little gadget.
It's gonna replace CDs soon.Copy !req
372. I guess I'll have to buy
The White Album again.Copy !req
373. That's a lot of fun.
A universal translator.Copy !req
374. We're not supposed to have it.
I'll tell you why.Copy !req
375. Human thought is so primitive,
it's looked upon as a disease...Copy !req
376. in some of the better galaxies.Copy !req
377. That kind of makes you proud,
doesn't it?Copy !req
378. Hey, what's this thing?Copy !req
379. Okay, just keep calm.
Just be— Relax.Copy !req
380. Okay- Watch your head.Copy !req
381. Somebody get him some ice.Copy !req
382. Look out. Move—
Just move when it's coming at you.Copy !req
383. Damn. I will pay for that.Copy !req
384. This thing caused
the 1977 New York blackout.Copy !req
385. Practical joke by the Great Attractor.
He thought it was funny as hell.Copy !req
386. Sorry, y'all. It was a accident. Sorry.Copy !req
387. Observation,
the heart of our little endeavor.Copy !req
388. Meet the twins, Blblup and Bob.Copy !req
389. This map shows the location
of every registered alien on Earth...Copy !req
390. some of them
under constant surveillance.Copy !req
391. Everyone on those screens is an alien.Copy !req
392. In public they're as normal as you are,
but in private, well...Copy !req
393. You'll get the idea.Copy !req
394. - Oh, man.
- Doesn't make any sense, does it?Copy !req
395. Well, no, it makes perfect sense.Copy !req
396. In third grade,
everybody told me I was crazy...Copy !req
397. but I knew our teacher had to be
from Venus or something like that.Copy !req
398. Mrs. Edelson. It was Jupiter, actually.
Well, one of the moons.Copy !req
399. —Revolve.
Class, be quiet and pay attention.Copy !req
400. If I have to tell you one more time...Copy !req
401. Edwards. Let's put it on.Copy !req
402. - Put what on?
- The last suit you'll ever wear.Copy !req
403. You will dress only in attire
specially sanctioned...Copy !req
404. by MiB Special Services.Copy !req
405. You'll conform
to the identity we give you...Copy !req
406. eat where we tell you,
live where we tell you.Copy !req
407. From now on...Copy !req
408. you'll have no identifying marks
of any kind.Copy !req
409. You will not stand out in any way.Copy !req
410. Your entire image is crafted to leave
no lasting memory with anyone.Copy !req
411. You are a rumor,
recognizable only as déjà vu...Copy !req
412. and dismissed just as quickly.Copy !req
413. You don't exist.
You were never even born.Copy !req
414. Anonymity is your name,
silence, your native tongue.Copy !req
415. You are no longer part
of the system.Copy !req
416. You are above the system,
over it, beyond it.Copy !req
417. We 're "them. " We 're "they. "Copy !req
418. We are the Men in Black.Copy !req
419. You know what the difference is
between you and me?Copy !req
420. I make this look good.Copy !req
421. We're gonna go for a little ride.Copy !req
422. I'll put you down here for just a minute.
Then Daddy will be right back.Copy !req
423. Okay, now we're ready to go
for a little ride.Copy !req
424. We're gonna meet one of Daddy's
friends, and you're gonna like him.Copy !req
425. Okay, let's see.Copy !req
426. Bee, we've got
the deposed Sir Prefect of Singalee...Copy !req
427. touching down on the forest
outside Portland tonight.Copy !req
428. - Humanoid?
- You wish. Bring a sponge.Copy !req
429. Here. Red letter from last night.Copy !req
430. We had an unauthorized landing
somewhere in upstate New York.Copy !req
431. Kay, keep your ears open
on this one.Copy !req
432. We're not hosting
an intergalactic kegger down here.Copy !req
433. Well, well, well, we got a skimmer.Copy !req
434. - Landed alien out of zone. Who is it?
- Redgick.Copy !req
435. He's not cleared to leave Manhattan,
but he's way out of town now...Copy !req
436. stuck on the New Jersey Turnpike.Copy !req
437. Why don't you take junior here
with you?Copy !req
438. This is a good one
for him to warm up on.Copy !req
439. Go get him, tiger.Copy !req
440. "We're not hosting
an intergalactic kegger."Copy !req
441. Zed. He just...Copy !req
442. Unlimited technology
from the whole universe...Copy !req
443. and we cruise around
in a Ford POS.Copy !req
444. Fasten your seat belt.Copy !req
445. See, now,
we got to work on your people skills.Copy !req
446. You know, you'd get a better reaction
if you were more polite.Copy !req
447. Fasten your seat belt, please.Copy !req
448. Whoa, that was good.
Did you hurt yourself?Copy !req
449. Oh, the red button there, kid.
Don't ever, ever touch the red button.Copy !req
450. All right, bub, that'll be $72, then.Copy !req
451. Okay, sweetie,
let me pay the impolite driver.Copy !req
452. Six is up.Copy !req
453. - Where is Ivan?
- Gave him a break.Copy !req
454. You can kill us both,
but you will not find the Galaxy.Copy !req
455. You're right about one thing.Copy !req
456. You're not going anywhere, pal.Copy !req
457. What's going on?Copy !req
458. Hey, hey, hey, easy.Copy !req
459. I'd like to see your license
and registration, please.Copy !req
460. Like to see your other license
and registration, please.Copy !req
461. All right, your resident-alien card
has you restricted to Manhattan.Copy !req
462. - Where are you going, Redgie?
- Well, it's my wife. She's...Copy !req
463. Well, look.Copy !req
464. All right. Okay, no big deal.Copy !req
465. Okay, you come with me, Redge.Copy !req
466. - And you handle this.
- What? Me?Copy !req
467. - It's easy. You just catch.
- He knows what he's doing?Copy !req
468. He does it all the time.
Let the man work.Copy !req
469. Okay. Yeah.Copy !req
470. Kay. Damn, man. Kay?Copy !req
471. - Something's peeking.
- 54th and Madison.Copy !req
472. You're headed out of town.
What's going on?Copy !req
473. - Well, we're meeting someone.
- Who you meeting?Copy !req
474. - Well, it's a ship.
- A ship?Copy !req
475. I didn't see a departure clearance.Copy !req
476. - You didn't?
- No.Copy !req
477. - Well, it's... Well, it's an emergency.
- Kay! Kay!Copy !req
478. You're doing fine, ace.
What kind of emergency?Copy !req
479. What's the rush to get off the planet
all of a sudden?Copy !req
480. We just don't like
the neighborhood anymore.Copy !req
481. - Some of the new arrivals.
- What new arrivals?Copy !req
482. Does it have anything to do
with the crasher from last night?Copy !req
483. Excuse me, miss.Copy !req
484. Oh, man. Oh, man.Copy !req
485. Kay, look. Oh, man.Copy !req
486. Congratulations, Redge, it's a...Copy !req
487. squid.Copy !req
488. Kay, man.Copy !req
489. You know, it's actually kind of—Copy !req
490. —cute.Copy !req
491. Anything about that
seem unusual to you?Copy !req
492. What would scare Redgick
so badly...Copy !req
493. that he'd risk a warp jump
with a newborn?Copy !req
494. We'll check the hot sheets.Copy !req
495. These are the hot sheets?Copy !req
496. Best investigative reporting
on the planet.Copy !req
497. Go ahead, read The New York Times.
They get lucky sometimes. Thanks.Copy !req
498. Cannot believe you're looking for tips
in the supermarket tabloids.Copy !req
499. Not "looking for."Copy !req
500. Found.Copy !req
501. - Wait a minute, slow down.
- Why?Copy !req
502. Give her time to get the wrong
impression. Makes things smoother.Copy !req
503. Can I help you gentlemen?Copy !req
504. Yes, ma'am,
I'm Special Agent Manheim.Copy !req
505. This is Special Agent Black, FBI.
We'd like to talk about your visitor.Copy !req
506. You're here to make fun of me too?Copy !req
507. We at the FBI do not have
a sense of humor we're aware of.Copy !req
508. May we come in?Copy !req
509. - Sure.
- Thank you.Copy !req
510. - Lemonade'?
- Oh, yes, please.Copy !req
511. The chief of police came to the house
and did a professional investigation.Copy !req
512. Took a police report
and writ down everything I said...Copy !req
513. from A to Z,
not believing one thing I said.Copy !req
514. Sort of poking fun at me.
And they asked me:Copy !req
515. "if he was murdered, how was he able
to walk back in the house?"Copy !req
516. I gotta admit to you,
that one got me sort of stumped.Copy !req
517. But I'll tell you something right now.
I know Edgar, and that wasn't Edgar.Copy !req
518. It was like something
was wearing Edgar like a...Copy !req
519. Like a suit...Copy !req
520. an Edgar suit.Copy !req
521. Dude was that ugly
before he was an alien.Copy !req
522. - I'm sorry.
- Go on.Copy !req
523. Anyway, I come to and he's gone.Copy !req
524. - Did he say anything?
- Yes. He asked me for some water.Copy !req
525. - Some sugar water.
- Sugar water?Copy !req
526. Yeah, I remember that right,
because I thought that that was odd...Copy !req
527. that he asked me for sugar water
and not lemonade or ice water...Copy !req
528. or regular water or tap water.Copy !req
529. All right, Beatrice.
There was no alien.Copy !req
530. The flash of light you saw in the sky
was not a UFO.Copy !req
531. Gas from a weather balloon
was trapped in a thermal pocket...Copy !req
532. and refracted the light from Venus.Copy !req
533. Wait— Wait a minute.Copy !req
534. You flash that, it erases her memory,
and you just make up a new one?Copy !req
535. A standard-issue neuralyzer.Copy !req
536. And that weak-ass story
is the best you can come up with?Copy !req
537. All right.Copy !req
538. On a more personal note, Beatrice,
Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend.Copy !req
539. You're gonna go stay
with your mom...Copy !req
540. get over it,
and decide you're better off.Copy !req
541. Well, yeah, you know, because
he never appreciated you anyway.Copy !req
542. In fact, you know what?
You kicked him out.Copy !req
543. And now that he's gone,
you're gonna go into town...Copy !req
544. find yourself some nice dresses,
get yourself some shoes.Copy !req
545. You know, find somewhere
that maybe you could get a facial.Copy !req
546. And, oh, hire a decorator
to come in here quick...Copy !req
547. because, damn.Copy !req
548. Yo, Kay, check it out, man.Copy !req
549. When do I get my own flashy little
memory-messer-upper thingy?Copy !req
550. - When you grow up.
- Okay.Copy !req
551. Please, not green.Copy !req
552. Oh, damn.Copy !req
553. I don't suppose you know
what alien life form...Copy !req
554. leaves a green spectral trail
and craves sugar water, do you?Copy !req
555. Oh, wait,
that was on Jeopardy! last night.Copy !req
556. - Damn, Alex said it was...
- Zed, we have a bug.Copy !req
557. So, what? We don't like bugs?Copy !req
558. Bugs thrive on carnage, tiger.Copy !req
559. They consume, infest, destroy...Copy !req
560. live off the death
and destruction of other species.Copy !req
561. You were stung as a child,
weren't you?Copy !req
562. Listen, kid, imagine a giant cockroach
with unlimited strength...Copy !req
563. a massive inferiority complex,
and a real short temper...Copy !req
564. is terrorizing Manhattan Island
in a brand-new Edgar suit.Copy !req
565. Does that sound like fun?Copy !req
566. What's the move?Copy !req
567. With the bug in town,
we'll watch the morgues.Copy !req
568. Where do you want
Contestant Number 3?Copy !req
569. Just leave it there.Copy !req
570. - What's with the cat?
- Oh, the cat.Copy !req
571. Well, there's a problem with the cat.
Sign here.Copy !req
572. - What's the problem with the cat?
- it's your problem.Copy !req
573. I hate the living.Copy !req
574. Shall we?Copy !req
575. Oh, my God.Copy !req
576. Buddy, what are you?Copy !req
577. Subject was approximately
112 degrees at time of autopsy...Copy !req
578. indicating an increase
in body temperature.Copy !req
579. Examiner tried to verify this
rectally...Copy !req
580. only to find the subject
was without a rectum...Copy !req
581. which is, needless to say, really—Copy !req
582. Weird.Copy !req
583. I'm Dr. Leo Manville,
Department of Public Health.Copy !req
584. This is Dr. White.Copy !req
585. You boys must not have much
of a home life.Copy !req
586. We watch the morgues carefully.Copy !req
587. Do you have something unusual
around here?Copy !req
588. I'd say so. Triple homicide.Copy !req
589. The first body I opened was normal,
except he was broken in half.Copy !req
590. But when I opened up
the other two, well...Copy !req
591. Let me show you.Copy !req
592. There's a skeletal structure at work
unlike anything I've ever seen.Copy !req
593. I'll have a look at this one.Copy !req
594. You and Dr. Weaver
check out the other body, please.Copy !req
595. This way, doctor.
This one's even stranger.Copy !req
596. I did a full laparotomy.Copy !req
597. I started with the stomach,
but we could start...Copy !req
598. with the gastroesophageal junction,
whichever you prefer.Copy !req
599. - Let's start wherever you started at.
- Okeydokey.Copy !req
600. - Is this your cat?
- Guess it is now.Copy !req
601. It came in with the body.
Okay, dive right in.Copy !req
602. I'm sure he won't mind.Copy !req
603. You have really pretty eyes.Copy !req
604. Thank you.Copy !req
605. Okay, you feel that?
Where the pyloric junction would be?Copy !req
606. Push it aside.Copy !req
607. Notice anything strange?
Stomach, liver, lungs...Copy !req
608. - Nope, all fine.
- Doctor, they're all missing.Copy !req
609. Of course.Copy !req
610. Oh, you know, that's obviously
the first thing I noticed.Copy !req
611. Well, what I was pointing out...Copy !req
612. is the fact that there are no pieces
of them left.Copy !req
613. Yeah, you know, so they're intact...Copy !req
614. wherever they are,
whole somewhere.Copy !req
615. - That we can be sure of.
- Have we met before?Copy !req
616. I'm having the strangest feeling
of déjà vu.Copy !req
617. - Yeah, me too.
- Really?Copy !req
618. Wanna know what I really think?
But don't tell that guy.Copy !req
619. Looks like he's under enough stress.
I don't think this body's really a body.Copy !req
620. I think it's some kind of transport unit
for something else altogether.Copy !req
621. The question is, what?Copy !req
622. Is this freaking you out?Copy !req
623. No. No, girl.Copy !req
624. You know what I like to do
sometimes when it's really late?Copy !req
625. No.Copy !req
626. Dr. White.Copy !req
627. Excuse me.Copy !req
628. - What do you think?
- Very interesting.Copy !req
629. She got a real queen-of-the-undead
thing going on—Copy !req
630. Of the body.Copy !req
631. - Great body.
- The dead body.Copy !req
632. - You have to go look at that thing.
- Dr. White?Copy !req
633. You recognize him?Copy !req
634. Yeah, he looks like the big guy I saw
at headquarters, only deader.Copy !req
635. What do you think killed him?Copy !req
636. - A bug?
- Dr. White.Copy !req
637. You're up, slugger.Copy !req
638. Look at this.Copy !req
639. What the hell is that?Copy !req
640. Must...Copy !req
641. To prevent...Copy !req
642. contest.Copy !req
643. Okay, what are you trying to say?Copy !req
644. - To prevent...
- To prevent struggle?Copy !req
645. - No. To prevent—
- War?Copy !req
646. —War...Copy !req
647. The Galaxy...Copy !req
648. is on Orion's...Copy !req
649. be—Copy !req
650. - What is word?
- The bed?Copy !req
651. Belt? Orion's belt?Copy !req
652. "To prevent war,
the Galaxy is on Orion's belt."Copy !req
653. What the hell does that mean?Copy !req
654. Doctor... Whatever, come here.Copy !req
655. Dr. Whatever?Copy !req
656. Hey, you guys aren't really from
the Department of Health, are you?Copy !req
657. Rosenberg. Damn.Copy !req
658. The Arquillians are not gonna like this.
This guy was one of the royal family.Copy !req
659. I knew it. This is an alien.Copy !req
660. You're from some government agency
trying to keep it under wraps.Copy !req
661. He said, "To prevent war,
the Galaxy is on Orion's belt."Copy !req
662. This makes sense.
How else do you explain New York?Copy !req
663. The other day, I was in this cab,
and this guy was—Copy !req
664. "Galaxy on Orion's belt"
doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
665. That's what the little dude inside
the big dude's head said, right?Copy !req
666. Right after— Damn, man.
You did the flashy thing already.Copy !req
667. Hey, whoever you are...Copy !req
668. you have to show me ID
if you're in the morgue.Copy !req
669. Of course, young lady.
Look at this for me, please.Copy !req
670. - Would you stop that?
- What?Copy !req
671. That thing is gonna give her
brain cancer.Copy !req
672. Never hurt her before.
We gotta get all the doors closed off.Copy !req
673. Special Services will be here
any minute.Copy !req
674. How many times have you
flashy-thinged that woman?Copy !req
675. Couple.Copy !req
676. So you not worried
about long-term damage?Copy !req
677. A little.Copy !req
678. - Kay, have you flashy-thinged me?
- No.Copy !req
679. I ain't playing with you, Kay.
Have you ever flashy-thinged me?Copy !req
680. Look, Kay, I think I should be
in charge of the flashy thing.Copy !req
681. Not while I'm around, ace.Copy !req
682. You ain't gonna be happy
till you fricassee somebody's brain.Copy !req
683. We got two dead aliens.Copy !req
684. A deputy medical examiner
needs a new memory.Copy !req
685. Yes, sir.Copy !req
686. Make it a happy memory.Copy !req
687. Where is it?Copy !req
688. Will the owner
of a blue warp-speed cruiser...Copy !req
689. please report to the from' desk?Copy !req
690. Hey, Zed.Copy !req
691. Doesn't anybody ever get
any sleep around here?Copy !req
692. The twins keep us on Centaurian
time. It's a 37-hour day.Copy !req
693. Give it a few months.
You'll get used to it.Copy !req
694. Or you'll have a psychotic episode.
Here's Orion.Copy !req
695. It's a grouping of the brightest stars
in the northern sky.Copy !req
696. - And here's Orion's belt.
- That's what the little guy said:Copy !req
697. "To prevent war,
the Galaxy is on Orion's belt."Copy !req
698. Junior, there are no galaxies
on Orion's belt.Copy !req
699. The belt is just these three stars.
Galaxies are huge.Copy !req
700. They're made up of billions of stars.
You heard wrong.Copy !req
701. Look, whatever, man.
I know what I heard.Copy !req
702. Pretty lady.Copy !req
703. Okay, the grumpy guy's story...Copy !req
704. is starting to come into focus
a little bit here.Copy !req
705. So you were the guy in that picture
with the flowers.Copy !req
706. Yeah.Copy !req
707. And I take it
she never got those flowers.Copy !req
708. So, what, she ever get married
or anything?Copy !req
709. No.Copy !req
710. You know what they say:Copy !req
711. It's better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all.Copy !req
712. Try it.Copy !req
713. KEY-Copy !req
714. - Take a look at this.
- My God, they're all leaving.Copy !req
715. We've had 12 jump in the last hour.
Redgick was just the first.Copy !req
716. What the hell do they know
that we don't?Copy !req
717. Why does a rat desert a ship?Copy !req
718. Give me Lem Sat 4, please,
with a proton induction thermoscan.Copy !req
719. Thank you. Okay, Lem Sat 18.Copy !req
720. All right, 4000.Copy !req
721. That's an Arquillian battle cruiser.Copy !req
722. And we've got
a dead Arquillian prince.Copy !req
723. Speak of the devil.Copy !req
724. - They sound pissed.
- Boys, translate that. Step on it.Copy !req
725. Get down
to Rosenberg's jewelry store...Copy !req
726. and see what you can turn up.Copy !req
727. KEY-Copy !req
728. Give the kid a weapon.Copy !req
729. - Series 4 De-atomizer.
- Now, that's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
730. Noisy Cricket.Copy !req
731. Hey, Kay, no, no. Come on, man.Copy !req
732. You get a Series 4 De-atomizer,
I get a little midget Cricket?Copy !req
733. Feel like I'm gonna
break this damn thing.Copy !req
734. Hey, this is my truck.Copy !req
735. Yeah, make sure you tell them that
down at the impound.Copy !req
736. Please.Copy !req
737. Who breaks into a jewelry store
and leaves all the jewels?Copy !req
738. Somebody not looking for jewelry.Copy !req
739. This guy had a serious crush
on his cat.Copy !req
740. Kay, get down.Copy !req
741. Man.Copy !req
742. That's him.
That's the bug in the Edgar suit.Copy !req
743. We do not discharge our weapons
in view of the public.Copy !req
744. We ain't got time
for this cover-up bullshit.Copy !req
745. There's a alien battle cruiser
about to—Copy !req
746. There's always an alien battle
cruiser or a death ray...Copy !req
747. or an intergalactic plague
about to wipe out life on this planet.Copy !req
748. The only way these people
get on with their happy lives...Copy !req
749. is they do not know about it.Copy !req
750. And don't worry about the bug.Copy !req
751. He's not leaving town.
We got his ship.Copy !req
752. Excuse me.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
753. Zed, we need a containment crew
on Macdougal Street...Copy !req
754. south of Houston.Copy !req
755. Containment may be a moot point,
old friend.Copy !req
756. The exodus continues.Copy !req
757. It's like the party's over...Copy !req
758. and the last one to leave
gets stuck with the check.Copy !req
759. You sorry little ingrates.Copy !req
760. What about the Arquillians?Copy !req
761. We've only translated
part of the message so far:Copy !req
762. "Deliver the Galaxy."Copy !req
763. - They don't want much, do they?
- Oh, it gets better.Copy !req
764. They're holding us responsible.Copy !req
765. - Where do you keep your dead?
- I don't have any dead.Copy !req
766. - Where?
- I don't know.Copy !req
767. The city morgue?Copy !req
768. That's three for a dollar, sir.Copy !req
769. It was some light, some light
that refracted off of Venus...Copy !req
770. into some swamp gas,
and that's what made the...Copy !req
771. - All right, kid.
- Excuse me. What's up?Copy !req
772. The Arquillians want the Galaxy,
whatever the hell that means.Copy !req
773. We need help, a professional...Copy !req
774. somebody with years of experience
in intergalactic politics.Copy !req
775. I just hope
the prick hasn't skipped town.Copy !req
776. Can I have your attention, please?
Thank you.Copy !req
777. If you will gather over here...Copy !req
778. That's right, move in closer.
That's good. Thanks.Copy !req
779. If you'll look right here,
I'd appreciate it.Copy !req
780. Thank you.Copy !req
781. Now, that's the worst disguise ever.
That guy's definitely an alien.Copy !req
782. You don't like it,
you can kiss my furry little butt.Copy !req
783. - You busy, Frank?
- Sorry, can't talk now.Copy !req
784. My flight's leaving in—Copy !req
785. - Get your paws off me.
- Call the pound. We got a stray.Copy !req
786. The dog owes my friend money.Copy !req
787. Arquillians and bugs,
what do you know?Copy !req
788. - I know nothing.
- Not a thing, huh? Okay.Copy !req
789. Stop, stop, stop it. Okay, okay.Copy !req
790. Rosenberg wasn't
some two-bit Arquillian.Copy !req
791. He was the guardian of the Galaxy.
They thought he'd be safe on Earth.Copy !req
792. And the bug had other plans.Copy !req
793. The Galaxy is the best source
for subatomic energy in the universe.Copy !req
794. If the bugs get their slimy claws on it,
kiss the Arquillians goodbye.Copy !req
795. Ask him about the belt.Copy !req
796. Rosenberg said something
about Orion's belt.Copy !req
797. - What's he talking about?
- Beats me.Copy !req
798. No, no, no, not around.Copy !req
799. They're rehearsing
a ventriloquist act.Copy !req
800. The Galaxy is here.Copy !req
801. - What do you mean, here?
- Galaxy's millions of stars and planets.Copy !req
802. - How's it here?
- You humans.Copy !req
803. When are you gonna learn
that size doesn't matter?Copy !req
804. Just because something's important,
doesn't mean it's not very small.Copy !req
805. - How small?
- Tiny. The size of a marble or a jewel.Copy !req
806. Now if you'll excuse me,
I gotta be walked before my flight.Copy !req
807. All right, get out of here.Copy !req
808. If the Galaxy's here,
it's not on Orion's belt.Copy !req
809. KEY-Copy !req
810. Boy, when you want attention...Copy !req
811. Orion. That's a pretty name.Copy !req
812. What's this?Copy !req
813. Okay. Yes, good, thank you.Copy !req
814. Thank you for making sure
that the bell works.Copy !req
815. What's up, Farmer John?Copy !req
816. A man came in here earlier.
A dead man.Copy !req
817. And that means what to me?Copy !req
818. It was a very dear friend of mine.Copy !req
819. I believe he had an animal with him.Copy !req
820. It was a gift I gave him, a pet cat.Copy !req
821. It means worlds to me.
I'd like to have it back.Copy !req
822. Okay, I'm gonna need a picture ID,
written proof of ownership of the cat...Copy !req
823. notarized proof of kinship
with the deceased.Copy !req
824. Don't do that.Copy !req
825. - Do what?
- Don't do it.Copy !req
826. Oh, man.Copy !req
827. Look, Kay, why don't you
let me handle this one?Copy !req
828. All we gotta do is go in
and get a cat.Copy !req
829. It's not really that hard,
but if you go in there...Copy !req
830. you're gonna start flashing
your brain ray all in her face.Copy !req
831. She gonna wind up with leukemia.
The woman's a doctor.Copy !req
832. She don't need you flashing
away her med-school classes.Copy !req
833. - Five minutes.
- Two minutes.Copy !req
834. - Where's the animal?
- I told you, I don't know.Copy !req
835. Well, let's see if we can find it.Copy !req
836. Hello?Copy !req
837. Hello?Copy !req
838. Hello?Copy !req
839. - How you doing?
- Hello.Copy !req
840. I'm Sergeant Friday
from the 26th Precinct.Copy !req
841. A cat came in with a corpse
the other day.Copy !req
842. - "Orion" on the nametag?
- Yes, that's right.Copy !req
843. Well, this cat is a...
A witness in a murder case.Copy !req
844. I need to take him with me,
ask him questions.Copy !req
845. - Well, I don't know where the cat is.
- Oh, you don't?Copy !req
846. No, but maybe you could take me
with you instead.Copy !req
847. Damn, you do start fast, don't you?Copy !req
848. I'd really like to go with you. Now.Copy !req
849. And exactly why is that?Copy !req
850. There's something
I need to show you.Copy !req
851. Slow down, girl,
you ain't gotta hit the gas like that.Copy !req
852. No, you don't understand.
You really need to see this.Copy !req
853. Oh, I Will, I Will.Copy !req
854. One thing: I gotta drive.
You know, it's not some macho trip.Copy !req
855. I'm saying,
that's just the way I get down.Copy !req
856. Look, stud,
you're really not getting this.Copy !req
857. There's something
I need you to help me with.Copy !req
858. - Freeze it, bug.
- Christ, you are thick.Copy !req
859. - Look, how was I supposed to know?
- Do I have to sing it?Copy !req
860. If you weren't coming on
like some prom date—Copy !req
861. That is so typical.Copy !req
862. Any time a woman shows
slight sexual independence—Copy !req
863. - How about we shut up?
- Let her go.Copy !req
864. Listen, monkey boy,
compared to you humans...Copy !req
865. I'm on the top rung
of the evolutionary ladder.Copy !req
866. - So can it.
- You're breaking my heart.Copy !req
867. Show me your face,
and I'll cure all your ills.Copy !req
868. You ever pull wings off a fly?
You care to see the fly get even?Copy !req
869. How far are you gonna get
without your ship...Copy !req
870. that piece of trash
we got locked in the office?Copy !req
871. - Put your weapons down.
- Never gonna happen, insect.Copy !req
872. - It's okay, Laurel.
- How is it okay?Copy !req
873. - I'm saying it's gonna be okay.
- Don't bet on it, meat sack.Copy !req
874. Let me go.Copy !req
875. God, what the—?Copy !req
876. Come on.Copy !req
877. - Take me here.
- No way.Copy !req
878. Take me.Copy !req
879. Hey. Come back!Copy !req
880. He's in a cab.Copy !req
881. Don't move, don't move.
don't move.Copy !req
882. Hey, man, what?Copy !req
883. He's not leaving the planet in a cab.
Let's go.Copy !req
884. Come with me. Put up a bio-net
all the way around Manhattan.Copy !req
885. If it's not human,
I don't want it to leave this island.Copy !req
886. What do we hear from upstairs?Copy !req
887. - "Deliver the Galaxy."
- Bug's got the Galaxy.Copy !req
888. But we got his ship.
He's gotta be looking for a way out.Copy !req
889. Plutonic fusion detection.Copy !req
890. Plutonic fusion detection.Copy !req
891. - What are they shooting at us for?
- Arquillian battle rules, kid.Copy !req
892. We get an ultimatum,
then a warning shot...Copy !req
893. then a galactic standard week
to respond.Copy !req
894. A galactic standard week?
How the hell long is that?Copy !req
895. One hour.Copy !req
896. One hour? Then what?Copy !req
897. That's bullshit.Copy !req
898. Look, kid,
to keep the bugs from getting it...Copy !req
899. the Arquillians
will destroy that galaxy.Copy !req
900. And whatever planet it's on.Copy !req
901. - You're talking about us.
- Sucks, huh?Copy !req
902. I'm pulling up the location
of every interstellar vehicle.Copy !req
903. Already did it.
Frank took the last ship.Copy !req
904. - Sneden's Landing and Throg's Neck.
- They're gone.Copy !req
905. - We have Atlantic City.
- Gone.Copy !req
906. - All right, Bayonne?
- Gone.Copy !req
907. - All right, there's Three Mile Island.
- Gone.Copy !req
908. - Yo.
- Staten Island.Copy !req
909. Gone, thank God.Copy !req
910. - Fellas.
- We're running out of time.Copy !req
911. If that bug gets off the planet,
we're bug food.Copy !req
912. Hey, Old GUYS-Copy !req
913. Do those still work?Copy !req
914. - You're coming with me.
- What?Copy !req
915. It's a long trip. I'll need a snack.Copy !req
916. You're taking the tunnel?Copy !req
917. - You know a better way to Queens?
- That thing's gonna be packed.Copy !req
918. - You remember the little red button?
- Yeah.Copy !req
919. Push the little red button.Copy !req
920. And you might wanna
put on a seat belt.Copy !req
921. Kay!Copy !req
922. You know, you're much too tense.
You're young.Copy !req
923. You need to relax.
Learn to take some joy in your work.Copy !req
924. Do you like music?Copy !req
925. That's better.Copy !req
926. All right, now.Copy !req
927. Kay. Kay!Copy !req
928. You do know Elvis is dead, right?Copy !req
929. No, Elvis is not dead.
He just went home.Copy !req
930. You don't wanna eat me.
I'm an important person on my planet.Copy !req
931. Like a queen.Copy !req
932. A goddess, even.
There are those who worship me.Copy !req
933. I'm not telling you
to try to impress you.Copy !req
934. I'm just letting you know
it could start a war.Copy !req
935. Good, war.
That means more food for my family.Copy !req
936. All 78 million of them.
That's a lot of mouths to feed.Copy !req
937. You're a wonderful dad,
but I'm staying here.Copy !req
938. Now, that's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
939. Roaches check in.Copy !req
940. They don't check out.Copy !req
941. Eight minutes
to the destruction of Earth.Copy !req
942. Eight minutes to destruction.Copy !req
943. We'll use pulsar level five
with a subsonic implosion factor.Copy !req
944. What?Copy !req
945. Just shoot the damn thing
on the count of three. One, two, three.Copy !req
946. You idiots.Copy !req
947. You don't get it. I've won.Copy !req
948. It's over.Copy !req
949. You're milk-suckers.
You don't matter.Copy !req
950. In fact, in a few seconds,
you won't even be matter.Copy !req
951. You're under arrest for violating
Section 4153 of the Tycho Treaty.Copy !req
952. So hand over whatever galaxy
you might be carrying...Copy !req
953. step away from your busted vehicle,
and put your hands on your head.Copy !req
954. I'll put my hands...Copy !req
955. on my head.Copy !req
956. Like this?Copy !req
957. That did not go at all
the way I planned.Copy !req
958. Whatever happens,
don't let him on the second ship.Copy !req
959. - What are you talking about?
- Keep him on this planet.Copy !req
960. Kay— Kay, where are you going?Copy !req
961. I'm gonna get my gun back.Copy !req
962. Hey. Hey, bug.
Wait a minute, I'm talking to you.Copy !req
963. You know how many of your kind
I've swatted with a paper?Copy !req
964. You're nothing but a smear
on the sports page...Copy !req
965. you slimy, gut-sucking
intestinal parasite.Copy !req
966. Eat me. Eat me.Copy !req
967. Kay. Kay!Copy !req
968. Hey!Copy !req
969. What's up?Copy !req
970. You're just gonna eat and run, huh?
What about dessert?Copy !req
971. That's it?Copy !req
972. Where are you going?
This party's just getting started.Copy !req
973. Where you going?Copy !req
974. Where you going?Copy !req
975. Let me tell you something.Copy !req
976. There's only one way off of this planet,
baby, and that's through me.Copy !req
977. Hey.Copy !req
978. Where you going?Copy !req
979. Why you running, huh?
I'm still standing.Copy !req
980. Come on, bring it.
Come on, bring it.Copy !req
981. I'm sorry. Was that your auntie?Copy !req
982. Then that must mean that
that's your uncle, then, huh?Copy !req
983. You know y'all look alike.Copy !req
984. Well, well.Copy !req
985. Big bad bug
got a bit of a soft spot, huh?Copy !req
986. See, what I can't understand...Copy !req
987. is why you gotta come down here,
bringing all this ruckus...Copy !req
988. snatching up galaxies
and everything.Copy !req
989. My attitude is, don't start nothing...Copy !req
990. won't be nothing.Copy !req
991. You need to ease up out of my face
before something bad happen to you.Copy !req
992. Too late.Copy !req
993. Zed, call the Arquillians.
Tell them we have the Galaxy.Copy !req
994. You got it, friend.Copy !req
995. - Going to get your gun back, huh?
- I like this gun.Copy !req
996. Yeah, well, while you was in there
playing around...Copy !req
997. I was down here
doing all the work.Copy !req
998. You know, first I had to bean him
in the head with this big rock.Copy !req
999. Then I was gonna hit him
with this 2-by-4.Copy !req
1000. He kicked me,
and, you know, it hurt.Copy !req
1001. But then I got to the fire, you know.
I was like... with the fire.Copy !req
1002. Not bad for your second day
of work, is it?Copy !req
1003. Well, this definitely rates about a 9.0
on my weird-shit-0-meter.Copy !req
1004. You should've been here
for the Zeronian migration in 1968.Copy !req
1005. I guess you weren't even alive
in '68.Copy !req
1006. Interesting job you guys have.Copy !req
1007. Kay, look, I know we got these rules
and everything...Copy !req
1008. but I was thinking,
she did help us bust that bug.Copy !req
1009. Maybe we didn't
have to flashy-thing her.Copy !req
1010. Kay, come on. Who's she gonna tell?
She hang out with all dead people.Copy !req
1011. It's not for her. It's for me.Copy !req
1012. What?Copy !req
1013. They're beautiful, aren't they?Copy !req
1014. Stars.Copy !req
1015. I mean, I never look at them anymore,
but they actually are quite...Copy !req
1016. beautiful.Copy !req
1017. Kay, you're frightening your partner.Copy !req
1018. I haven't been training a partner.
I've been training a replacement.Copy !req
1019. Wait a minute, Kay.
I cannot do this job by myself.Copy !req
1020. Hey, guys, my apartment
isn't anywhere near here.Copy !req
1021. It's not even on the same island.Copy !req
1022. Days... months... years.Copy !req
1023. Always face it forward.Copy !req
1024. I've been down the gullet
of an interstellar cockroach.Copy !req
1025. That's one of a hundred memories
that I don't want.Copy !req
1026. See you around, Jay.Copy !req
1027. No, you won't.Copy !req
1028. Hey, Jay.Copy !req
1029. Zed called. The high consulate
from Solaxium 9...Copy !req
1030. wants seats
for the Knicks-Bulls game.Copy !req
1031. Let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman.
He's from that planet.Copy !req
1032. - Rodman? You're kidding.
- Nope.Copy !req
1033. Not much of a disguise.Copy !req