1. In the land of Sparta...
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2. when babies were born...
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3. the elders would
inspect them for defects.
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4. Ah. Are you my mama?
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5. 'Cause I'm ready to suckle a teat.
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6. If any imperfections were found...
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7. the baby was rejected.
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8. And if the baby...
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9. was Vietnamese...
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10. Brangelina had first dibs.
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11. Cute, huh?
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12. Behold Leonidas...
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13. Ah-ooh!
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14. the perfect Spartan.
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15. From an early age...
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16. Leonidas was taught to fight.
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17. Come on, you little shit! Come on!
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18. You can't beat me.
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19. You're never gonna be
a Spartan, never.
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20. Take this, Granny!
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21. Aah...!
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22. He was tortured,
taught to show no pain.
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23. Tell me, Mr. Bond...
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24. what is the account number?
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25. Who the hell is Mr. Bond?
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26. I'm Leonidas.
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27. You're testing my patience,
Double-Oh.
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28. But I am not Double-
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29. Oh!
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30. Oh!
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31. Little Miss Sunshine!
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32. Oh, oh-
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33. Here's a nice one. Oh-
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34. That's right. Yeah.
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35. No, no, no.
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36. Mr. Bond, I'd like you
to meet Captain Adorable.
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37. Good boy.
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38. Good boy.
Who's a good boy?
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39. Leonidas was sent into the wild...
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40. to learn how to survive.
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41. He braved the elements...
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42. endured starvation.
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43. No mayo?
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44. This is bullshit!
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45. The beast stalks Leonidas...
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46. red eyes glowing
like the fires ofhell.
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47. Man, you've got happy feet.
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48. What you laughin' at, asswipe?
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49. I'm about to shove
my happy foot up your ass...
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50. - cracker.
- Nice penguin.
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51. Where you going, pussy?
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52. I'm 'bout to make you
my bitch, Leonidas.
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53. Lick my snowballs.
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54. Now eat my penguin asshole.
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55. That Taco Bell ain't sittin' right.
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56. Oh, it smells!
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57. Ha! Caught you with your mouth open.
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58. You dead, Leonidas.
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59. Say "what's up" to Anna Nicole for me.
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60. Shit! I'm stuck!
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61. Oh, we got a penguin pinned down!
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62. Help! Help!
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63. Oh! My ass!
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64. My ass hurt! Oh!
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65. Why you wanna do me like that?
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66. Come on, man, I could hook you up.
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67. We could work it out.
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68. I'll suck your dick!
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69. And the boy
that was cast into the wild...
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70. returned a king!
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71. Sign my rack?
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72. And they're real, too.
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73. Yes!
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74. Marry me?
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75. What's that?
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76. The combination to my chastity belt.
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77. Oh-
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78. Leonidas!
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79. Leonidas was stoked.
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80. He wed Margo,
and she bore him a fine son.
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81. And life in the land
of Sparta was good.
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82. Yes! Yes! Good!
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83. Thanks, Dad.
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84. Give me your hand.
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85. Remember, Son: A warrior...
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86. must learn to take a hit.
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87. Fight with your head;
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88. think with your heart.
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89. Huh?
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90. Give him the pile driver, honey.
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91. Pile driver?
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92. That's my boy.
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93. My queen.
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94. No!
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95. - Captain.
- No!
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96. I see Leonidas is molding
our future king of Sparta...
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97. to be a man.
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98. I remember when
my father used to beat me.
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99. Traditional rites of passage.
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100. No. My father was an alcoholic.
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101. Ow!
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102. Aah!
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103. Xerxes' messenger awaits, my king.
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104. Greetings, Leonidas.
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105. Greetings, messenger.
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106. What the hell was that?
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107. What?
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108. You just kissed me!
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109. That is how men of Sparta
greet one another.
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110. High fives for the women...
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111. and open-mouth tongue
kisses for the men.
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112. Ooh.
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113. I get it.
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114. Get what?
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115. Uh... y-you have a...
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116. "free society" here.
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117. Yes. The freest.
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118. Uh, not that there's
anything wrong with that.
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119. I dig big black dudes.
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120. Yeah.
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121. Come, messenger, let us walk.
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122. The great Xerxes has
taken over the world...
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123. with his vast Persian army...
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124. and has set his sights
on his final conquest-
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125. Sparta.
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126. Let us talk
by the giant pit of death.
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127. Okay.
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128. Xerxes is a kind god-king...
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129. and offers these...
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130. peaceful alternatives to war.
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131. No blood will be shed...
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132. as long as you Spartan
men build his pyramids...
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133. your women become his sex slaves...
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134. and your children...
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135. work at sweatshops...
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136. making Nikes.
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137. That sounds reasonable.
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138. I'm sure you would...
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139. think so, Councilman Traitoro.
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140. Tell Xerxes...
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141. to take his proposal...
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142. and shove it!
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143. What the hell?
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144. What? He came on to me!
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145. I did not.
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146. Dawg, your wife's a ho.
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147. This means war!
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148. Hey, hey, hey, it's cool, it's cool.
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149. Uh, we got San Francisco...
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150. and West Hollywood.
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151. We don't need Sparta.
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152. I'll just tell Xerxes
it's a "no go."
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153. Kick his ass in.
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154. This is madness!
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155. Madness?
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156. This is Sparta!
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157. Why did you do that?
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158. He was backing down.
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159. My lord, he will
tell Xerxes that Sparta...
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160. is not for them,
so, whatever you do...
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161. don't kick him
into the pit of death.
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162. Stop kicking people
into the pit of death. Really!
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163. I don't know why y'all...
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164. have to always get on
my back for everything.
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165. I'm a responsible adult.
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166. Look at me-
I'm booby-feeding my baby.
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167. Sometimes I like to
give him fried milk.
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168. I call 'em milk poppers.
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169. It's just like breast milk,
but it's fried.
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170. And you just pop 'em in your mouth.
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171. He loves 'em.
Don't you, baby!
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172. I'm a smart shopper.
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173. I got this entire outfit in
an alleyway from a Mexico woman.
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174. Why do y'all think I'm messed up?
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175. Shit! Do I look crazy to you?
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176. Oh...
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177. my God!
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178. Aw, damn, cuz!
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179. There goes my palimony!
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180. K-Fed ain't havin' it, yo.
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181. K-Fed, come back to me, please!
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182. Please? I'll let you under my skirt.
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183. There goes K-Fed's cheddar, yo.
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184. Leonidas.
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185. Ryan Seacrest?
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186. How did you feel about that kick?
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187. Let's see what the judges
have to say.
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188. - Randy?
- Yo, Leo, dawg, man...
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189. I, I wasn't really feelin' you
on that kick, dawg.
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190. I don't know what happened, man.
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191. It was just
all right for me, dawg.
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192. - I mean, just all right, dawg.
- Paula?
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193. Leonidas...
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194. you...
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195. move me.
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196. Y-
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197. I don't-
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198. Simon?
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199. Leonidas...
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200. I thought the kick...
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201. was utterly... dreadful.
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202. Oh... Simon-
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203. In fact, I've seen better kicks...
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204. from a geriatric donkey.
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205. Oh-
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206. And I'm not talking
about you, Paula.
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207. I am sorry, King...
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208. but your journey ends here.
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209. Oh, go yourselves!
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210. What are y...?
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211. Seacrest out!
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212. Excellent work, my king.
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213. It's time to consult
with the prophets.
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214. The ancient prophets were advisers to the king.
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215. Grotesque swine, their consult
came with a bribe.
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216. Oh. Oh, Oxy 10.
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217. Oh, Neutrogena.
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218. This has an SPF.
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219. Th-This is all-day protection.
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220. Look at this.
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221. Exfoliator with alpha hydroxy.
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222. This is good for you, Glenn.
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223. Rub it all over
your disgusting face.
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224. What need you, King Leonidas?
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225. Ancient prophets...
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226. I need your guidance.
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227. I'm assembling an army
of 300 to go to war with Persia.
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228. I'm going to take them in the rear.
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229. Here, here.
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230. And then I'm gonna reach around...
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231. and I'm gonna take them again
from the front!
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232. What?
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233. Why are you sniggering?
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234. Nothing.
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235. It's- no-nothing-
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236. What's so damn funny?
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237. Look, it's all there for you to see!
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238. These are battle formations!
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239. Battle form-
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240. That's what he calls them!
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241. It looks like backstage
at an Elton John concert!
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242. Cut it out!
This isn't funny!
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243. This is serious business!
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244. No Spartan goes to war...
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245. without first consulting...
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246. the oracle!
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247. The prophets chose only the most beautiful...
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248. of Spartan girls to be their oracle.
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249. Oh-
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250. Ugly Betty?
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251. She has a great personality.
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252. Eww!
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253. I look likeJabba the Hutt.
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254. That is hot to me.
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255. Oh-
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256. See-nah skah-nah...
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257. Iabwana no-cho dame.
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258. "Fo' shizel my nizzel."
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259. "Save the cheerleader...
save the world."
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260. Actually, I'm, I'm not into Heroes.
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261. "Douche bag says what?"
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262. What?
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263. "Chest waxer says what?"
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264. What?
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265. He walked into that one.
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266. What, what are you saying to me?
I don't understand.
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267. Go to war with Persia
and you will surely die.
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268. You're screwed, dude.
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269. What?
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270. He looks like a Ken doll!
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271. It's cold!
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272. Tommy Lee?
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273. Shaq?
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274. Borat?
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275. Oakland Raiders?
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276. Why is my king so restless?
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277. Can't sleep.
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278. It's this whole Battle
ofThermopylae thing.
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279. Are you still thinking about
what that young oracle said?
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280. There's only one woman whose
words you should listen to.
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281. Oprah.
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282. Your wife?
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283. Right, right.
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284. How will I be tried...
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285. in the court of public opinion?
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286. Well, Harry Knowles
at "Ain't It Cool News"...
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287. says this movie is just
a cheap rip-off of 300.
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288. Even if the oracle
doesn't support you, I do.
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289. And Sparta does.
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290. This could be
our last night together.
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291. You wanna do it?
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292. Like we've never done it before.
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293. 97... 98...
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294. 99...
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295. 100!
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296. Beat my record.
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297. Captain.
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298. My king.
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299. Have you assembled
my army who are ready...
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300. to fight to the death
for the freedom of Sparta?
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301. Yes, King.
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302. I wanted 300.
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303. This seems like... less.
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304. These were the only men
who met with your stringent...
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305. specifications.
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306. "Hunky with deep
Mediterranean tans...
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307. "hot bods..."
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308. and, uh...
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309. Yes?
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310. "... well endowed."
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311. Haawoo! Haawoo!
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312. Haawoo!
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313. Ready to fight for you, my king!
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314. Never give up!
Never surrender!
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315. To infinity and beyond!
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316. He has a lot of heart, my king.
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317. And nice man boobs.
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318. Indeed.
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319. These men will do.
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320. You are a fine captain, Captain.
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321. But a better friend...
there is none.
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322. Thank you.
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323. Thank you.
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324. Thank you.
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325. Mm-hm.
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326. Damn!
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327. He's got a huge package.
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328. I brought you some fudge.
Mom said that you like to pack it.
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329. She's a good woman.
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330. Good-bye, Father.
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331. Farewell, my son.
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332. Introductions?
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333. King Leonidas,
this is my son, Sonio.
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334. My king.
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335. Why is he not fighting?
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336. Well, he is not a warrior.
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337. And he's my only son...
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338. destined to carry on my name.
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339. What do you think?
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340. Yummy.
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341. Work it, sister.
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342. I think he's fierce.
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343. And if you don't like it...
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344. you can kiss my fat ass!
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345. Ooh!
Oh!
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346. Congratulations, Sonio.
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347. You're now on your way
to becoming Sparta's...
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348. next top warrior!
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349. Spartan!
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350. My child...
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351. I shall never forget you.
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352. You are so small now...
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353. but one day you will grow
to be big and strong...
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354. like your father.
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355. That's not your son.
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356. You asshole.
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357. Take care of your mother.
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358. Stay tough, Son.
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359. Come back with your shield...
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360. or on it.
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361. And if I come back on it,
I want you to move on.
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362. I would never.
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363. Hell, if you died,
I'd play the field.
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364. To be honest...
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365. I've always wanted
to do a fat chick.
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366. The men are ready, my king.
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367. Good. We'll head south
to the Hot Gates...
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368. where we'll intercept
the Persian army.
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369. Where are you going?
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370. The oracle said if we went
to war, we'd be screwed.
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371. The oracle also said that
our painted-on abs look fake.
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372. But I beg to differ.
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373. Give the order, Captain.
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374. Spartans! In formation!
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375. Ah-ooh!
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376. Spartans heading south.
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377. Move out!
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378. Woo!
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379. The fearless Spartans...
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380. reached the Hot Gates...
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381. where danger lurked
around every corner.
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382. Halt skipping!
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383. Exhausted from thejourney...
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384. the Spartans replenished
their electrolytes.
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385. Gatorade. Is it in you?
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386. What do you think, my king?
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387. We'll use the narrow
passageway of the Hot Gates...
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388. to funnel the Persians in...
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389. where their vast numbers
won't count for shit.
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390. Captain, have the men found
any other trails...
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391. that the Persians
could use to attack us?
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392. None, sir.
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393. I know such a road, my king.
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394. Back off, hideous creature.
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395. There's a secret goat path
just above the Hot Gates.
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396. If the Persians found it,
they could outflank you.
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397. Slow your roll, Captain.
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398. Reveal yourself, creature.
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399. Paris Hilton?
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400. Hey, fellas.
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401. What happened to you?
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402. Oh.
You mean the hump?
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403. Yeah. The hump.
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404. It was all that,
"You're going to jail.
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405. "Now you can get out of jail.
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406. Now you're going back to jail."
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407. And on and on and on and on- Ugh.
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408. It's just been really confusing.
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409. I mean, even Tinkerbell's
affected by it.
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410. She hasn't moved since Saturday.
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411. But she still poops, which is weird.
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412. And me...
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413. they've turned me into this, like...
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414. totally grotesque monster!
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415. And I don't
even know... oh.
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416. Hang on a minute.
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417. Oh-
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418. Hello?
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419. Oh, hey, Nicole.
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420. Nothing. Just some guys with swords.
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421. No, I'm talking about their
actual swords, Nicole.
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422. You're gross.
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423. Yeah, I'm hungry.
Did you eat?
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424. Oh, you ate an almond?
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425. Oh, yeah, you're done
eating for the day.
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426. Okay. And then let's go to Pinkberry.
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427. Bye, sexy.
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428. Look...
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429. it's my dream to be a Spartan.
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430. I want to fight for you,
my king.
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431. - What can you do?
- Well- Mmm.
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432. Have you seen my video?
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433. I don't like the way
you handle a spear.
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434. You grip the shaft firmly.
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435. Then with one hand on the base...
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436. you slide the other
all the way up to the tip.
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437. That's hot.
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438. I'm sorry,
but we cannot use you.
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439. No!
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440. It's not fair!
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441. Mom!
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442. You'll be sorry!
You're making a terrible mistake!
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443. I'm not as stupid as I look!
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444. Help.
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445. Look! Persians!
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446. I am the emissary
to the great god-king Xerxes...
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447. come to accept your surrender.
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448. Oh, we're not here to surrender.
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449. Haawoo!
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450. Xerxes will enjoy making you
his slaves.
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451. Ow.
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452. Spartans!
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453. Yah!
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454. Let's battle!
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455. Oh, we about to stomp the yard.
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456. We are the Spartans.
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457. We stomp the yard.
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458. Check out our buns.
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459. They are rock hard.
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460. Ooh, ooh.
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461. Spartans!
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462. Yeah!
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463. Persians!
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464. Let's show 'em
why we're national champs...
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465. three years runnin'.
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466. You dig?
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467. Oh, come on.
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468. We like wearing
turbans and eating baklava.
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469. We like chicks with burkas...
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470. that cover their ta-tas.
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471. Ooh, ah! Ooh, ah!
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472. Persians, huh!
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473. You're joking, right?
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474. Man, come on.
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475. Yeah!
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476. Oh-
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477. Oh, please, take a hike.
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478. Yeah!
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479. Oh!
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480. Don't come up in my kitchen...
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481. with that weak-ass shit.
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482. Eee! Ooh!
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483. You got served!
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484. You telling me we lost?
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485. Dance them to the cliffs!
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486. No mercy!
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487. Come on, man,
can we talk about this?
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488. Yo, I just met
these dudes right here.
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489. I don't even know them.
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490. Onward! Keep dancing, boys!
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491. - Last one in is a rotten egg!
- Cannonball!
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492. Marco!
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493. Polo!
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494. Hyah!
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495. We may have won the battle,
but they will win the war!
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496. Hyah! What?
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497. Buttmeister presents...
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498. "Real Men of Genius."
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499. Today we salute you...
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500. Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual.
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501. Wearing nothing but
leather underwear and a cape...
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502. you charge your enemy like
an oiled-up hairless wonder.
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503. Sure, there's danger-
Copy !req
504. charging rhinos,
stampeding elephants...
Copy !req
505. and that cute toga-wearing guy
named Chad.
Copy !req
506. You only went out on one date...
Copy !req
507. but you'll remember it...
Copy !req
508. forever, forever...
Copy !req
509. Your keen instincts tell you
to cut, slice and chop...
Copy !req
510. every man you see.
Copy !req
511. But enough about your career
as a hair stylist...
Copy !req
512. let's talk war.
Copy !req
513. So this Butt's for you,
King Leonidas...
Copy !req
514. because when the going gets tough...
Copy !req
515. the tough go antiquing.
Copy !req
516. Queen Margo...
Copy !req
517. we must speak.
Copy !req
518. Loyalist, what do you want?
Copy !req
519. Nice tomatoes.
Copy !req
520. Your husband needs you.
Copy !req
521. You must convince the council...
Copy !req
522. to send more troops
to support your husband.
Copy !req
523. My husband is dead.
Copy !req
524. He told me to move on.
Copy !req
525. Besides, I'm already
registered on J Date.
Copy !req
526. A little to the right.
Copy !req
527. That's it.
Copy !req
528. If Leonidas fails,
Xerxes will take over...
Copy !req
529. and you will be stripped
of your crown.
Copy !req
530. I won't be queen?
Copy !req
531. Ow! That's too hard.
Copy !req
532. You will lose everything.
Copy !req
533. Ow! Ooh, stop.
Copy !req
534. Your palace, your Mercedes...
Copy !req
535. Hi-yah!
Copy !req
536. - Ow!
- ... your Nintendo Wii...
Copy !req
537. No, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
538. Ow!
Copy !req
539. your vaginal regeneration surgeon...
Copy !req
540. Hi... yah!
Copy !req
541. your gardener.
Copy !req
542. Antonio?
Copy !req
543. My husband needs me.
Copy !req
544. I'll do whatever it takes.
Copy !req
545. I will set...
Copy !req
546. the meeting with the council.
Copy !req
547. But in order to win their vote...
Copy !req
548. you will need to get
Traitoro's support.
Copy !req
549. He holds great influence...
Copy !req
550. with the council.
Copy !req
551. There better be a happy ending.
Copy !req
552. King Leonidas!
Copy !req
553. Xerxes approaches.
Copy !req
554. Xerxes.
Copy !req
555. He looked a lot like
that fat guy from Borat.
Copy !req
556. I am the great god-king Xerxes.
Copy !req
557. Ooh!
Copy !req
558. Ooh!
Copy !req
559. Ow, ow, ow!
Copy !req
560. Not again!
That always happens.
Copy !req
561. Ow!
Copy !req
562. Whew!
Copy !req
563. Damn!
Copy !req
564. - Oh, s-sorry, Xerxes.
- It's cool.
Copy !req
565. It's cool, cool. I'm fine.
Copy !req
566. I meant to do that.
Copy !req
567. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
568. I'll tell you, kid, you got balls.
Copy !req
569. I come over here with a big army.
Copy !req
570. We going to shish kebab your ass.
Copy !req
571. Before this battle is over...
Copy !req
572. people will know...
Copy !req
573. that even a god-king can fall.
Copy !req
574. Listen, Leo, I came here to talk.
Copy !req
575. Just listen to my deal.
Copy !req
576. Ladies!
Copy !req
577. Hi, Xerxes.
Copy !req
578. Ah, that's probably for me.
Copy !req
579. Hello?
Copy !req
580. Really?
Copy !req
581. Okay.
Copy !req
582. That was the banker.
Copy !req
583. He's offering...
Copy !req
584. to buy back your briefcase...
Copy !req
585. for a weekend getaway for two...
Copy !req
586. in Las Vegas, Nevada...
Copy !req
587. at the Palms Hotel and Casino!
Copy !req
588. Ooh...
Copy !req
589. I've always wanted to go there!
Copy !req
590. All you have to do
is bow down to me...
Copy !req
591. and surrender Sparta.
Copy !req
592. Deal...
Copy !req
593. or no deal?
Copy !req
594. - Deal!
- Deal!
- Take it!
Copy !req
595. Take the deal!
Copy !req
596. You think I should? No!
Copy !req
597. - Take the deal!
- It's simple.
Copy !req
598. - Take the deal!
- Come on!
Copy !req
599. What about Sparta?
Copy !req
600. - Hit the button!
- Come on!
Copy !req
601. Take the deal! Take it!
Copy !req
602. - Take it!
- Take the deal!
Copy !req
603. Hit the button!
Copy !req
604. Take it!
Copy !req
605. No deal!
Copy !req
606. Oh, great!
Copy !req
607. By the time I'm finished with you...
Copy !req
608. Sparta will be annihilated.
Copy !req
609. It will be as though
you never existed.
Copy !req
610. I will see to it that you are...
Copy !req
611. written out of the history books.
Copy !req
612. Well, that's fine by me, Xerxes...
Copy !req
613. because I can't read.
Copy !req
614. Xerxes didn't take rejection well.
Copy !req
615. From every corner of his empire...
Copy !req
616. he sent his most
vicious warriors to fight.
Copy !req
617. Yo mama's so ghetto,
when she breast-feeds...
Copy !req
618. Kool-Aid comes out!
Copy !req
619. Yo mama's so stupid,
she thought Tupac Shakur...
Copy !req
620. was a Jewish holiday!
Copy !req
621. Get her, Dilio!
Copy !req
622. Yo mama's so fat, her
pants size is, um, um, um...
Copy !req
623. "Bitch, lose some weight"!
Copy !req
624. Your mama's so butch...
Copy !req
625. Rosie O'Donnell
wouldn't even date her.
Copy !req
626. Uh-uh! No, you didn't!
No, you didn't!
Copy !req
627. - Whoa!
- No, you didn't!
Copy !req
628. Well, yo mama titties
is smaller than yours.
Copy !req
629. Bounce some D's on that bitch!
Copy !req
630. Your mama's so fat,
Sir Mix-A-lot decided...
Copy !req
631. he doesn't like big butts!
Copy !req
632. And he ain't lyin'!
Kiss that!
Copy !req
633. Oh! Ow!
Copy !req
634. Oh, my eyes!
Copy !req
635. Oh! Oh!
Copy !req
636. Walk it off.
Copy !req
637. - How you like that, huh?
- Sit down.
Copy !req
638. Yo, yo mama's so fat,
that when she farts...
Copy !req
639. Al Gore accuses her
of global warming, dawg.
Copy !req
640. Whew!
Copy !req
641. Cranking it up!
Copy !req
642. Yes, well, that may be the case,
but your mama's so hairy...
Copy !req
643. the only language she speaks...
Copy !req
644. is Wookiee!
Copy !req
645. Oh!
Copy !req
646. That's it!
Copy !req
647. Well, yo mama-
Copy !req
648. Yo ma-
Copy !req
649. Yes!
Copy !req
650. Bye-bye!
Copy !req
651. Back to the hood!
Copy !req
652. Xerxes watched
as his warriors were defeated.
Copy !req
653. It sent an all-too-human chill
up his spine.
Copy !req
654. Or perhaps that was
the Dentyne Ice...
Copy !req
655. with cool mint crystals.
Copy !req
656. Loyalist said you wanted to see me.
Copy !req
657. That's my urine sample.
Copy !req
658. Tastes like asparagus.
Copy !req
659. Leonidas needs more troops.
Copy !req
660. Without reinforcements,
Sparta will fall and-
Copy !req
661. I'll do anything...
Copy !req
662. for my husband.
Copy !req
663. Anything?
Copy !req
664. Awesome!
Copy !req
665. I'm so getting laid!
Copy !req
666. Good-bye, virginity.
Copy !req
667. I promise you,
you're not going to enjoy this.
Copy !req
668. But I suffer from premature eja-
Copy !req
669. Oh-
Copy !req
670. Mmm.
Copy !req
671. It's okay; I have crabs.
Copy !req
672. Ooh-
Copy !req
673. Betray your beloved Spartans...
Copy !req
674. Nice.
Copy !req
675. and I will give you
anything you desire.
Copy !req
676. That's hot.
Copy !req
677. Bow down to me.
Copy !req
678. Bow down to the great god-king...
Copy !req
679. Xerxes.
Copy !req
680. I'm a Hilton.
Copy !req
681. I don't bow.
Copy !req
682. But I do bend over.
Copy !req
683. Ah, good.
Copy !req
684. There's a secret goat path
into the Hot Gates.
Copy !req
685. You could totally use it
to defeat Leonidas.
Copy !req
686. Ah-
Copy !req
687. And what do you desire?
Copy !req
688. I want my record expunged.
Copy !req
689. Oh, and I want
that new Chanel purse.
Copy !req
690. Thank you.
Copy !req
691. I want throwing up to be fun.
Copy !req
692. You got something to say,
say it- I got things to do.
Copy !req
693. What was it?
Copy !req
694. I can't remem-
Copy !req
695. Oh, God, geez, yeah.
Copy !req
696. I want to get this hump removed.
Copy !req
697. Mmm!
Copy !req
698. Will you please just do it?
It's really heavy and really hard to keep clean.
Copy !req
699. Done.
Copy !req
700. Aah!
Copy !req
701. As long as Xerxes doesn't find...
Copy !req
702. the secret path to the Hot Gates...
Copy !req
703. their vast numbers
won't count for shit.
Copy !req
704. My king!
Copy !req
705. Catch your breath.
Copy !req
706. Vanilla blended.
Copy !req
707. What is it, boy?
Copy !req
708. Xerxes has found
the secret goat path...
Copy !req
709. through the Hot Gates.
Copy !req
710. Aw, shit!
Copy !req
711. Damn that Paris Hilton.
Copy !req
712. I hate her.
Copy !req
713. He's deployed thousands
of Persian soldiers...
Copy !req
714. that'll be here any minute.
Copy !req
715. Dilio...
Copy !req
716. how bad are your injuries?
Copy !req
717. Oh, it's, uh- it's
just a scratch, my king.
Copy !req
718. You've got no eyes.
Copy !req
719. The gods blessed me with a spare.
Copy !req
720. No, they haven't.
Copy !req
721. You just had the two.
Copy !req
722. Jeremy has the spare.
Copy !req
723. I can still fight!
Copy !req
724. Whoa! No!
Copy !req
725. Dilio! Dilio!
Copy !req
726. Di- Dilio! Dilio! Dilio.
Copy !req
727. Walk with me.
Copy !req
728. No. No. No.
Copy !req
729. Your fate is the most important.
Copy !req
730. You must go back to Sparta...
Copy !req
731. and tell of our tale.
Copy !req
732. Yes, my king.
Copy !req
733. Any message for the queen?
Copy !req
734. None that need be said.
Copy !req
735. Now go, Dilio.
Copy !req
736. Tell how 13 Spartans
fought for honor...
Copy !req
737. for glory...
for freedom!
Copy !req
738. Good luck, Dilio.
Copy !req
739. Spartans!
Copy !req
740. This is your final chance.
Copy !req
741. Bow down to me or you will die.
Copy !req
742. I bow for no man!
Copy !req
743. Take a knee.
Copy !req
744. No!
Copy !req
745. - Curtsey.
- Enough!
Copy !req
746. Well, your sandal is untied.
Copy !req
747. Oh... thanks very much.
Copy !req
748. See?
Was that that difficult?
Copy !req
749. - No, wait, no!
- Ah-tah-tah-tah-tah-
Copy !req
750. - No, I wasn't bowing.
- No, no, no.
Copy !req
751. I was just doing my shoe!
Copy !req
752. No, you acknowledged me
as your god-king.
Copy !req
753. High-five!
Copy !req
754. Ooh.
Copy !req
755. What?
Copy !req
756. What-What-What the hell is so funny?
Copy !req
757. - You!
- Me?
Copy !req
758. You greet like women.
Copy !req
759. You idiots are
wearing banana hammocks...
Copy !req
760. and you're laughing at me?
Copy !req
761. Now you're pissing me off.
Copy !req
762. I'm getting everybody.
Copy !req
763. Hello. Where you at?
Copy !req
764. I know where I'm at.
Copy !req
765. Bring in my vast army.
Copy !req
766. You 13...
Copy !req
767. putz are no match...
Copy !req
768. for my massive Persian army.
Copy !req
769. They number in the millions!
Copy !req
770. That's just a blue screen.
Copy !req
771. Stupid.
Copy !req
772. It's a visual effect.
Copy !req
773. It's going to be digitally
inserted later.
Copy !req
774. And the army is quite
impressive, as you can imagine.
Copy !req
775. Gentlemen, may I present...
Copy !req
776. Queen Margo.
Copy !req
777. Come on, baby.
I'm gettin' a chubby.
Copy !req
778. Boner alert. Boner alert.
Copy !req
779. Okay, boys, make it rain!
Copy !req
780. Good councilmen...
Copy !req
781. I implore you.
Copy !req
782. Your king, my dear
husband, needs your help.
Copy !req
783. Sparta will fall...
Copy !req
784. if you don't agree
to send the rest of our army.
Copy !req
785. Gentlemen, our only
hope for survival...
Copy !req
786. is to surrender to Xerxes
and beg for his forgiveness.
Copy !req
787. Do not be swayed by the words
of this common prick-tease...
Copy !req
788. with crabs all up in her coochie.
Copy !req
789. Ooh-
Copy !req
790. Oh, no, you didn't.
Copy !req
791. Yes. Yes, I did.
Copy !req
792. Queen Margo unleashed
a venomous rage...
Copy !req
793. much like Tobey Maguire
in Spider-Man 3.
Copy !req
794. I'm evil.
Copy !req
795. Made of sand.
Copy !req
796. Ohh!
Copy !req
797. Oh, no.
Copy !req
798. Ooh!
Copy !req
799. Oh... cute.
Copy !req
800. Gross.
Copy !req
801. What is it?
Copy !req
802. Oh! Oh!
Copy !req
803. Oh, God!
Oh! Oh, my God.
Copy !req
804. How you like me now, Sandman?
Copy !req
805. Oh, no.
Copy !req
806. Dust-busting bitch! No!
Copy !req
807. No!
Copy !req
808. Ah-
Copy !req
809. Well, tickle my nipples
with a feather.
Copy !req
810. Xerxes is in Traitoro's top five.
Copy !req
811. Grumble, grumble, grumble-
Copy !req
812. Traitoro was a... traitor?
Copy !req
813. Duh!
Copy !req
814. All in favor...
Copy !req
815. of sending more troops...
say aye.
Copy !req
816. Aye! Aye! Aye!
Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye-
Copy !req
817. Spartans!
Copy !req
818. We have you surrounded.
Copy !req
819. Lay down your weapons!
Copy !req
820. Come and get them!
Copy !req
821. Formation!
Copy !req
822. Um-
Copy !req
823. A Spartan always protects
another man's rear.
Copy !req
824. Adjust your sword, boy.
Copy !req
825. It's digging into my back.
Copy !req
826. But I'm not wearing my sword.
Copy !req
827. Carry on then.
Copy !req
828. My son.
Copy !req
829. Today...
you are truly a Spartan.
Copy !req
830. Thanks, Father.
Copy !req
831. Attack!
Copy !req
832. Steady, Spartans!
Copy !req
833. Remember this day, boys!
Copy !req
834. For today is the day you die!
Copy !req
835. - Huh?
- What? Huh?
Copy !req
836. What?
Copy !req
837. I-I mean they die.
Copy !req
838. Today's the day they die-
that's what I meant to say.
Copy !req
839. Go!
Copy !req
840. Oh, what a bunch of dumb shits.
Copy !req
841. God, that smarts.
Copy !req
842. I am gonna go Hercules on your ass!
Copy !req
843. Ghost Rider!
Copy !req
844. You're going to hell.
Copy !req
845. Stop, drop and roll!
Copy !req
846. Stop, drop and roll!
Copy !req
847. Yo!
Copy !req
848. No!
Copy !req
849. Yo, Sonio.
Copy !req
850. I'm gonna knock your block off.
Copy !req
851. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
852. Sonio!
Copy !req
853. You'll pay for this, Balboa.
Copy !req
854. Go for it.
Copy !req
855. Adult diapers?
Copy !req
856. Botox... overdose.
Copy !req
857. Yes!
Copy !req
858. Yeah!
Copy !req
859. Yeah!
Copy !req
860. Yes!
Copy !req
861. Xerxes!
Copy !req
862. It's a- a beautiful death.
Copy !req
863. It's actually not that attractive.
Copy !req
864. Ooh!
Copy !req
865. Shit!
Copy !req
866. Enough of this gratuitous
video game violence!
Copy !req
867. Waah!
Copy !req
868. Ah-
Copy !req
869. Aha!
Copy !req
870. A Transformer cube!
Copy !req
871. Okay, baby, let's transform.
Copy !req
872. I... am Xerxestron...
Copy !req
873. equipped with advanced
alien technology.
Copy !req
874. Leave Britney alone!
Copy !req
875. He is a god-king.
Copy !req
876. Please-
Copy !req
877. Leave her alone!
Copy !req
878. She's a human!
Copy !req
879. Oh, oh, ain't that a bitch.
Copy !req
880. Leonidas was true to his word.
Copy !req
881. A god-king did fall.
Copy !req
882. But unfortunately, right on them.
Copy !req
883. I-I-I just-
Copy !req
884. Oh-
Copy !req
885. Ooh.
Copy !req
886. Queen Margo.
Copy !req
887. - Yeah.
- Oh.
Copy !req
888. Leonidas and the Spartans...
Copy !req
889. died for honor...
Copy !req
890. for glory.
Copy !req
891. They died a beautiful death.
Copy !req
892. Today... we stand against
30,000 Persians.
Copy !req
893. But we now have 100,000 soldiers!
Copy !req
894. Ah-ooh! Ah-ooh! Ah-ooh!
Copy !req
895. To victory!
Copy !req
896. Ah.
Copy !req
897. Follow me, boys.
Copy !req
898. I don't know.
Copy !req
899. And thus,
Dilio blindly led the Spartans...
Copy !req
900. away from the Persians...
Copy !req
901. to Malibu...
Copy !req
902. just as Lindsay Lohan
was leaving rehab... again.
Copy !req
903. Whassup, dawg?
Copy !req
904. That's "Britney," bitch.
Copy !req
905. As the Spartans kicked major ass...
Copy !req
906. even Leonidas believed...
Copy !req
907. victory was theirs.
Copy !req
908. Victory is ours, boys!
Copy !req
909. Ah-ooh!
Copy !req
910. Let's celebrate!
Copy !req
911. For tonight, we dine...
Copy !req
912. at Hooter's!
Copy !req
913. Hoo!
Copy !req
914. Eat from them...
Copy !req
915. everything!
Copy !req
916. And tip them...
Copy !req
917. nothing!
Copy !req
918. Yeah! Yeah!
Copy !req
919. It's Two-fer Tuesday.
Copy !req
920. Yeah!
Copy !req
921. - Come on!
- No! Whoa!
Copy !req
922. Oh, isn't that sweet.
Copy !req
923. Oh...! Oh-
Copy !req
924. Oh-Oh-
Copy !req
925. That's my boy.
Copy !req
926. Where do you think you're going?
Copy !req
927. - Aah!
- You little pussy.
Copy !req
928. No! No!
Copy !req
929. That's it.
Copy !req
930. Yay.
Copy !req
931. If you can dodge a golf ball,
you can dodge a sword.
Copy !req
932. Ha! You missed.
Copy !req
933. Ow!
Copy !req
934. He can outflank us now, my king.
Copy !req
935. Men!
Copy !req
936. We are facing certain death.
Copy !req
937. Cherries.
Copy !req
938. But...
Copy !req
939. the joke's on them,
because they don't know...
Copy !req
940. that dying in battle
is the greatest honor...
Copy !req
941. for any Spartan!
Copy !req
942. Ah-hoo.
Copy !req
943. God, that's a shitty plan.
Copy !req
944. Look, Leonidas...
Copy !req
945. war is not the answer.
Heh-heh.
Copy !req
946. Trust me, I know.
Copy !req
947. No! War is the answer!
Copy !req
948. Where am I?
Copy !req
949. Spidey, you're fired.
Copy !req
950. Hi.
How are you, Leonidas?
Copy !req
951. Ellen.
Copy !req
952. Listen, I don't know
why you're so upset.
Copy !req
953. You look great.
You know, the cape is great.
Copy !req
954. Love the... diaper.
Copy !req
955. I-I'd wear something very similar...
Copy !req
956. for Portia on Friday nights.
Copy !req
957. We get frisky.
Copy !req
958. Hello, Leonidas.
Copy !req
959. Wow, is it hot in here?
Copy !req
960. Okay, Portia, Portia,
women, women, women.
Copy !req
961. Women, you like
women.
Copy !req
962. I can see by your-
Copy !req
963. your reaction, you're not amused.
Copy !req
964. It's the same reaction anyone
who went to see Mr. Wrong had.
Copy !req
965. Uh, let's play a game-
maybe we could play a game.
Copy !req
966. How about "Who Sneezed?"
Copy !req
967. It's a real easy game.
Copy !req
968. We close our eyes
and someone sneezes...
Copy !req
969. and you guess who.
Copy !req
970. If it was you, you win- 'cause
obviously, you know.
Copy !req
971. Listen, chill out.
Copy !req
972. Let's just dance, shall we? Come on.
Copy !req
973. That's right. Oh, boy.
Copy !req
974. Okay.
Copy !req
975. There you go, you're
getting the hang of it.
Copy !req
976. - You know, back and forth-
- No, I can't do this!
Copy !req
977. Yo mama's so ugly, if she was...
Copy !req
978. on the Spice Girls,
her name would be...
Copy !req
979. Dookie Spice!
Copy !req
980. Doo-doo!
Copy !req
981. Leonidas.
Copy !req
982. You should try Scientology.
Copy !req
983. I'm gonna set Katie free.
Copy !req
984. Yes!
Copy !req
985. I had to buy
a million and one glitters...
Copy !req
986. with my own money,
and I had to buy-
Copy !req
987. I put them on by hand, Simon...
Copy !req
988. and my reputation is all I have,
and for you to sit here...
Copy !req
989. telling me that
I'm not intennigent-
Copy !req
990. inte-
that I'm not intenni-
Copy !req
991. - Let me start over.
- Intelligent. Yeah.
Copy !req
992. - Hang on.
- Intelligent. Yeah.
Copy !req
993. I looked everywhere.
Copy !req
994. Don't you hate when you're
on an airplane, you know...
Copy !req
995. and the captain's, like,
"If you look out the window...
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996. to your left, you're gonna
see another plane"?
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997. Am I right? See what
I'm talking about?
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998. Another plane? Right?
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999. Don't you hate when you're
in the supermarket...
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1000. you know, and you're in aisle three.
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1001. And, like, "Clean up
on aisle three."
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1002. You know? And you're, like,
"What am I doing here?"
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1003. I'm in aisle three, huh? Right?
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1004. You're all my fans, right?
You all love me, right?
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1005. Who saw Employee of the Month?
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1006. Okay, that's cool.
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1007. Right? Yeah, what's up, Leonidas?
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1008. Super fingers to you.
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1009. No.
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1010. Super fingers...
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1011. to you, Dane Cook!
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1012. This is a metaphor for my career.
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1013. You're off my MySpace page.
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1014. I'm really 42.
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1015. Sorry, I didn't hear
what you said...
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1016. because
I can't understand you...
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1017. 'cause you talk like this.
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1018. Your mama's such
an old sloppy drunk...
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1019. I thought she was David Hasselhoff.
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1020. Yeah!
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1021. From Knight Rider.
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1022. Dinaladas, do-
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1023. Dot- Dingalidas, Dingalidas...
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1024. Dingledangle, do...
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1025. leg squats, and then
you will be a star...
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1026. you will be a star.
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1027. The last episode of Sopranos
was most disappointing.
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1028. I mean, did Tony get whacked
or live or what?
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1029. What happens in Vegas...
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1030. stays in Vegas.
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1031. You just-You keep doing
the thing you do...
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1032. 'cause... the do is thing you do.
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1033. When you're pushed,
killing's as easy as...
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1034. dancin'.
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