1. In the land of Sparta...Copy !req
2. when babies were born...Copy !req
3. the elders would
inspect them for defects.Copy !req
4. Ah. Are you my mama?Copy !req
5. 'Cause I'm ready to suckle a teat.Copy !req
6. If any imperfections were found...Copy !req
7. the baby was rejected.Copy !req
8. And if the baby...Copy !req
9. was Vietnamese...Copy !req
10. Brangelina had first dibs.Copy !req
11. Cute, huh?Copy !req
12. Behold Leonidas...Copy !req
13. Ah-ooh!Copy !req
14. the perfect Spartan.Copy !req
15. From an early age...Copy !req
16. Leonidas was taught to fight.Copy !req
17. Come on, you little shit! Come on!Copy !req
18. You can't beat me.Copy !req
19. You're never gonna be
a Spartan, never.Copy !req
20. Take this, Granny!Copy !req
21. Aah...!Copy !req
22. He was tortured,
taught to show no pain.Copy !req
23. Tell me, Mr. Bond...Copy !req
24. what is the account number?Copy !req
25. Who the hell is Mr. Bond?Copy !req
26. I'm Leonidas.Copy !req
27. You're testing my patience,
Double-Oh.Copy !req
28. But I am not Double-Copy !req
29. Oh!Copy !req
30. Oh!Copy !req
31. Little Miss Sunshine!Copy !req
32. Oh, oh-Copy !req
33. Here's a nice one. Oh-Copy !req
34. That's right. Yeah.Copy !req
35. No, no, no.Copy !req
36. Mr. Bond, I'd like you
to meet Captain Adorable.Copy !req
37. Good boy.Copy !req
38. Good boy.
Who's a good boy?Copy !req
39. Leonidas was sent into the wild...Copy !req
40. to learn how to survive.Copy !req
41. He braved the elements...Copy !req
42. endured starvation.Copy !req
43. No mayo?Copy !req
44. This is bullshit!Copy !req
45. The beast stalks Leonidas...Copy !req
46. red eyes glowing
like the fires ofhell.Copy !req
47. Man, you've got happy feet.Copy !req
48. What you laughin' at, asswipe?Copy !req
49. I'm about to shove
my happy foot up your ass...Copy !req
50. - cracker.
- Nice penguin.Copy !req
51. Where you going, pussy?Copy !req
52. I'm 'bout to make you
my bitch, Leonidas.Copy !req
53. Lick my snowballs.Copy !req
54. Now eat my penguin asshole.Copy !req
55. That Taco Bell ain't sittin' right.Copy !req
56. Oh, it smells!Copy !req
57. Ha! Caught you with your mouth open.Copy !req
58. You dead, Leonidas.Copy !req
59. Say "what's up" to Anna Nicole for me.Copy !req
60. Shit! I'm stuck!Copy !req
61. Oh, we got a penguin pinned down!Copy !req
62. Help! Help!Copy !req
63. Oh! My ass!Copy !req
64. My ass hurt! Oh!Copy !req
65. Why you wanna do me like that?Copy !req
66. Come on, man, I could hook you up.Copy !req
67. We could work it out.Copy !req
68. I'll suck your dick!Copy !req
69. And the boy
that was cast into the wild...Copy !req
70. returned a king!Copy !req
71. Sign my rack?Copy !req
72. And they're real, too.Copy !req
73. Yes!Copy !req
74. Marry me?Copy !req
75. What's that?Copy !req
76. The combination to my chastity belt.Copy !req
77. Oh-Copy !req
78. Leonidas!Copy !req
79. Leonidas was stoked.Copy !req
80. He wed Margo,
and she bore him a fine son.Copy !req
81. And life in the land
of Sparta was good.Copy !req
82. Yes! Yes! Good!Copy !req
83. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
84. Give me your hand.Copy !req
85. Remember, Son: A warrior...Copy !req
86. must learn to take a hit.Copy !req
87. Fight with your head;Copy !req
88. think with your heart.Copy !req
89. Huh?Copy !req
90. Give him the pile driver, honey.Copy !req
91. Pile driver?Copy !req
92. That's my boy.Copy !req
93. My queen.Copy !req
94. No!Copy !req
95. - Captain.
- No!Copy !req
96. I see Leonidas is molding
our future king of Sparta...Copy !req
97. to be a man.Copy !req
98. I remember when
my father used to beat me.Copy !req
99. Traditional rites of passage.Copy !req
100. No. My father was an alcoholic.Copy !req
101. Ow!Copy !req
102. Aah!Copy !req
103. Xerxes' messenger awaits, my king.Copy !req
104. Greetings, Leonidas.Copy !req
105. Greetings, messenger.Copy !req
106. What the hell was that?Copy !req
107. What?Copy !req
108. You just kissed me!Copy !req
109. That is how men of Sparta
greet one another.Copy !req
110. High fives for the women...Copy !req
111. and open-mouth tongue
kisses for the men.Copy !req
112. Ooh.Copy !req
113. I get it.Copy !req
114. Get what?Copy !req
115. Uh... y-you have a...Copy !req
116. "free society" here.Copy !req
117. Yes. The freest.Copy !req
118. Uh, not that there's
anything wrong with that.Copy !req
119. I dig big black dudes.Copy !req
120. Yeah.Copy !req
121. Come, messenger, let us walk.Copy !req
122. The great Xerxes has
taken over the world...Copy !req
123. with his vast Persian army...Copy !req
124. and has set his sights
on his final conquest-Copy !req
125. Sparta.Copy !req
126. Let us talk
by the giant pit of death.Copy !req
127. Okay.Copy !req
128. Xerxes is a kind god-king...Copy !req
129. and offers these...Copy !req
130. peaceful alternatives to war.Copy !req
131. No blood will be shed...Copy !req
132. as long as you Spartan
men build his pyramids...Copy !req
133. your women become his sex slaves...Copy !req
134. and your children...Copy !req
135. work at sweatshops...Copy !req
136. making Nikes.Copy !req
137. That sounds reasonable.Copy !req
138. I'm sure you would...Copy !req
139. think so, Councilman Traitoro.Copy !req
140. Tell Xerxes...Copy !req
141. to take his proposal...Copy !req
142. and shove it!Copy !req
143. What the hell?Copy !req
144. What? He came on to me!Copy !req
145. I did not.Copy !req
146. Dawg, your wife's a ho.Copy !req
147. This means war!Copy !req
148. Hey, hey, hey, it's cool, it's cool.Copy !req
149. Uh, we got San Francisco...Copy !req
150. and West Hollywood.Copy !req
151. We don't need Sparta.Copy !req
152. I'll just tell Xerxes
it's a "no go."Copy !req
153. Kick his ass in.Copy !req
154. This is madness!Copy !req
155. Madness?Copy !req
156. This is Sparta!Copy !req
157. Why did you do that?Copy !req
158. He was backing down.Copy !req
159. My lord, he will
tell Xerxes that Sparta...Copy !req
160. is not for them,
so, whatever you do...Copy !req
161. don't kick him
into the pit of death.Copy !req
162. Stop kicking people
into the pit of death. Really!Copy !req
163. I don't know why y'all...Copy !req
164. have to always get on
my back for everything.Copy !req
165. I'm a responsible adult.Copy !req
166. Look at me-
I'm booby-feeding my baby.Copy !req
167. Sometimes I like to
give him fried milk.Copy !req
168. I call 'em milk poppers.Copy !req
169. It's just like breast milk,
but it's fried.Copy !req
170. And you just pop 'em in your mouth.Copy !req
171. He loves 'em.
Don't you, baby!Copy !req
172. I'm a smart shopper.Copy !req
173. I got this entire outfit in
an alleyway from a Mexico woman.Copy !req
174. Why do y'all think I'm messed up?Copy !req
175. Shit! Do I look crazy to you?Copy !req
176. Oh...Copy !req
177. my God!Copy !req
178. Aw, damn, cuz!Copy !req
179. There goes my palimony!Copy !req
180. K-Fed ain't havin' it, yo.Copy !req
181. K-Fed, come back to me, please!Copy !req
182. Please? I'll let you under my skirt.Copy !req
183. There goes K-Fed's cheddar, yo.Copy !req
184. Leonidas.Copy !req
185. Ryan Seacrest?Copy !req
186. How did you feel about that kick?Copy !req
187. Let's see what the judges
have to say.Copy !req
188. - Randy?
- Yo, Leo, dawg, man...Copy !req
189. I, I wasn't really feelin' you
on that kick, dawg.Copy !req
190. I don't know what happened, man.Copy !req
191. It was just
all right for me, dawg.Copy !req
192. - I mean, just all right, dawg.
- Paula?Copy !req
193. Leonidas...Copy !req
194. you...Copy !req
195. move me.Copy !req
196. Y-Copy !req
197. I don't-Copy !req
198. Simon?Copy !req
199. Leonidas...Copy !req
200. I thought the kick...Copy !req
201. was utterly... dreadful.Copy !req
202. Oh... Simon-Copy !req
203. In fact, I've seen better kicks...Copy !req
204. from a geriatric donkey.Copy !req
205. Oh-Copy !req
206. And I'm not talking
about you, Paula.Copy !req
207. I am sorry, King...Copy !req
208. but your journey ends here.Copy !req
209. Oh, go yourselves!Copy !req
210. What are y...?Copy !req
211. Seacrest out!Copy !req
212. Excellent work, my king.Copy !req
213. It's time to consult
with the prophets.Copy !req
214. The ancient prophets were advisers to the king.Copy !req
215. Grotesque swine, their consult
came with a bribe.Copy !req
216. Oh. Oh, Oxy 10.Copy !req
217. Oh, Neutrogena.Copy !req
218. This has an SPF.Copy !req
219. Th-This is all-day protection.Copy !req
220. Look at this.Copy !req
221. Exfoliator with alpha hydroxy.Copy !req
222. This is good for you, Glenn.Copy !req
223. Rub it all over
your disgusting face.Copy !req
224. What need you, King Leonidas?Copy !req
225. Ancient prophets...Copy !req
226. I need your guidance.Copy !req
227. I'm assembling an army
of 300 to go to war with Persia.Copy !req
228. I'm going to take them in the rear.Copy !req
229. Here, here.Copy !req
230. And then I'm gonna reach around...Copy !req
231. and I'm gonna take them again
from the front!Copy !req
232. What?Copy !req
233. Why are you sniggering?Copy !req
234. Nothing.Copy !req
235. It's- no-nothing-Copy !req
236. What's so damn funny?Copy !req
237. Look, it's all there for you to see!Copy !req
238. These are battle formations!Copy !req
239. Battle form-Copy !req
240. That's what he calls them!Copy !req
241. It looks like backstage
at an Elton John concert!Copy !req
242. Cut it out!
This isn't funny!Copy !req
243. This is serious business!Copy !req
244. No Spartan goes to war...Copy !req
245. without first consulting...Copy !req
246. the oracle!Copy !req
247. The prophets chose only the most beautiful...Copy !req
248. of Spartan girls to be their oracle.Copy !req
249. Oh-Copy !req
250. Ugly Betty?Copy !req
251. She has a great personality.Copy !req
252. Eww!Copy !req
253. I look likeJabba the Hutt.Copy !req
254. That is hot to me.Copy !req
255. Oh-Copy !req
256. See-nah skah-nah...Copy !req
257. Iabwana no-cho dame.Copy !req
258. "Fo' shizel my nizzel."Copy !req
259. "Save the cheerleader...
save the world."Copy !req
260. Actually, I'm, I'm not into Heroes.Copy !req
261. "Douche bag says what?"Copy !req
262. What?Copy !req
263. "Chest waxer says what?"Copy !req
264. What?Copy !req
265. He walked into that one.Copy !req
266. What, what are you saying to me?
I don't understand.Copy !req
267. Go to war with Persia
and you will surely die.Copy !req
268. You're screwed, dude.Copy !req
269. What?Copy !req
270. He looks like a Ken doll!Copy !req
271. It's cold!Copy !req
272. Tommy Lee?Copy !req
273. Shaq?Copy !req
274. Borat?Copy !req
275. Oakland Raiders?Copy !req
276. Why is my king so restless?Copy !req
277. Can't sleep.Copy !req
278. It's this whole Battle
ofThermopylae thing.Copy !req
279. Are you still thinking about
what that young oracle said?Copy !req
280. There's only one woman whose
words you should listen to.Copy !req
281. Oprah.Copy !req
282. Your wife?Copy !req
283. Right, right.Copy !req
284. How will I be tried...Copy !req
285. in the court of public opinion?Copy !req
286. Well, Harry Knowles
at "Ain't It Cool News"...Copy !req
287. says this movie is just
a cheap rip-off of 300.Copy !req
288. Even if the oracle
doesn't support you, I do.Copy !req
289. And Sparta does.Copy !req
290. This could be
our last night together.Copy !req
291. You wanna do it?Copy !req
292. Like we've never done it before.Copy !req
293. 97... 98...Copy !req
294. 99...Copy !req
295. 100!Copy !req
296. Beat my record.Copy !req
297. Captain.Copy !req
298. My king.Copy !req
299. Have you assembled
my army who are ready...Copy !req
300. to fight to the death
for the freedom of Sparta?Copy !req
301. Yes, King.Copy !req
302. I wanted 300.Copy !req
303. This seems like... less.Copy !req
304. These were the only men
who met with your stringent...Copy !req
305. specifications.Copy !req
306. "Hunky with deep
Mediterranean tans...Copy !req
307. "hot bods..."Copy !req
308. and, uh...Copy !req
309. Yes?Copy !req
310. "... well endowed."Copy !req
311. Haawoo! Haawoo!Copy !req
312. Haawoo!Copy !req
313. Ready to fight for you, my king!Copy !req
314. Never give up!
Never surrender!Copy !req
315. To infinity and beyond!Copy !req
316. He has a lot of heart, my king.Copy !req
317. And nice man boobs.Copy !req
318. Indeed.Copy !req
319. These men will do.Copy !req
320. You are a fine captain, Captain.Copy !req
321. But a better friend...
there is none.Copy !req
322. Thank you.Copy !req
323. Thank you.Copy !req
324. Thank you.Copy !req
325. Mm-hm.Copy !req
326. Damn!Copy !req
327. He's got a huge package.Copy !req
328. I brought you some fudge.
Mom said that you like to pack it.Copy !req
329. She's a good woman.Copy !req
330. Good-bye, Father.Copy !req
331. Farewell, my son.Copy !req
332. Introductions?Copy !req
333. King Leonidas,
this is my son, Sonio.Copy !req
334. My king.Copy !req
335. Why is he not fighting?Copy !req
336. Well, he is not a warrior.Copy !req
337. And he's my only son...Copy !req
338. destined to carry on my name.Copy !req
339. What do you think?Copy !req
340. Yummy.Copy !req
341. Work it, sister.Copy !req
342. I think he's fierce.Copy !req
343. And if you don't like it...Copy !req
344. you can kiss my fat ass!Copy !req
345. Ooh!
Oh!Copy !req
346. Congratulations, Sonio.Copy !req
347. You're now on your way
to becoming Sparta's...Copy !req
348. next top warrior!Copy !req
349. Spartan!Copy !req
350. My child...Copy !req
351. I shall never forget you.Copy !req
352. You are so small now...Copy !req
353. but one day you will grow
to be big and strong...Copy !req
354. like your father.Copy !req
355. That's not your son.Copy !req
356. You asshole.Copy !req
357. Take care of your mother.Copy !req
358. Stay tough, Son.Copy !req
359. Come back with your shield...Copy !req
360. or on it.Copy !req
361. And if I come back on it,
I want you to move on.Copy !req
362. I would never.Copy !req
363. Hell, if you died,
I'd play the field.Copy !req
364. To be honest...Copy !req
365. I've always wanted
to do a fat chick.Copy !req
366. The men are ready, my king.Copy !req
367. Good. We'll head south
to the Hot Gates...Copy !req
368. where we'll intercept
the Persian army.Copy !req
369. Where are you going?Copy !req
370. The oracle said if we went
to war, we'd be screwed.Copy !req
371. The oracle also said that
our painted-on abs look fake.Copy !req
372. But I beg to differ.Copy !req
373. Give the order, Captain.Copy !req
374. Spartans! In formation!Copy !req
375. Ah-ooh!Copy !req
376. Spartans heading south.Copy !req
377. Move out!Copy !req
378. Woo!Copy !req
379. The fearless Spartans...Copy !req
380. reached the Hot Gates...Copy !req
381. where danger lurked
around every corner.Copy !req
382. Halt skipping!Copy !req
383. Exhausted from thejourney...Copy !req
384. the Spartans replenished
their electrolytes.Copy !req
385. Gatorade. Is it in you?Copy !req
386. What do you think, my king?Copy !req
387. We'll use the narrow
passageway of the Hot Gates...Copy !req
388. to funnel the Persians in...Copy !req
389. where their vast numbers
won't count for shit.Copy !req
390. Captain, have the men found
any other trails...Copy !req
391. that the Persians
could use to attack us?Copy !req
392. None, sir.Copy !req
393. I know such a road, my king.Copy !req
394. Back off, hideous creature.Copy !req
395. There's a secret goat path
just above the Hot Gates.Copy !req
396. If the Persians found it,
they could outflank you.Copy !req
397. Slow your roll, Captain.Copy !req
398. Reveal yourself, creature.Copy !req
399. Paris Hilton?Copy !req
400. Hey, fellas.Copy !req
401. What happened to you?Copy !req
402. Oh.
You mean the hump?Copy !req
403. Yeah. The hump.Copy !req
404. It was all that,
"You're going to jail.Copy !req
405. "Now you can get out of jail.Copy !req
406. Now you're going back to jail."Copy !req
407. And on and on and on and on- Ugh.Copy !req
408. It's just been really confusing.Copy !req
409. I mean, even Tinkerbell's
affected by it.Copy !req
410. She hasn't moved since Saturday.Copy !req
411. But she still poops, which is weird.Copy !req
412. And me...Copy !req
413. they've turned me into this, like...Copy !req
414. totally grotesque monster!Copy !req
415. And I don't
even know... oh.Copy !req
416. Hang on a minute.Copy !req
417. Oh-Copy !req
418. Hello?Copy !req
419. Oh, hey, Nicole.Copy !req
420. Nothing. Just some guys with swords.Copy !req
421. No, I'm talking about their
actual swords, Nicole.Copy !req
422. You're gross.Copy !req
423. Yeah, I'm hungry.
Did you eat?Copy !req
424. Oh, you ate an almond?Copy !req
425. Oh, yeah, you're done
eating for the day.Copy !req
426. Okay. And then let's go to Pinkberry.Copy !req
427. Bye, sexy.Copy !req
428. Look...Copy !req
429. it's my dream to be a Spartan.Copy !req
430. I want to fight for you,
my king.Copy !req
431. - What can you do?
- Well- Mmm.Copy !req
432. Have you seen my video?Copy !req
433. I don't like the way
you handle a spear.Copy !req
434. You grip the shaft firmly.Copy !req
435. Then with one hand on the base...Copy !req
436. you slide the other
all the way up to the tip.Copy !req
437. That's hot.Copy !req
438. I'm sorry,
but we cannot use you.Copy !req
439. No!Copy !req
440. It's not fair!Copy !req
441. Mom!Copy !req
442. You'll be sorry!
You're making a terrible mistake!Copy !req
443. I'm not as stupid as I look!Copy !req
444. Help.Copy !req
445. Look! Persians!Copy !req
446. I am the emissary
to the great god-king Xerxes...Copy !req
447. come to accept your surrender.Copy !req
448. Oh, we're not here to surrender.Copy !req
449. Haawoo!Copy !req
450. Xerxes will enjoy making you
his slaves.Copy !req
451. Ow.Copy !req
452. Spartans!Copy !req
453. Yah!Copy !req
454. Let's battle!Copy !req
455. Oh, we about to stomp the yard.Copy !req
456. We are the Spartans.Copy !req
457. We stomp the yard.Copy !req
458. Check out our buns.Copy !req
459. They are rock hard.Copy !req
460. Ooh, ooh.Copy !req
461. Spartans!Copy !req
462. Yeah!Copy !req
463. Persians!Copy !req
464. Let's show 'em
why we're national champs...Copy !req
465. three years runnin'.Copy !req
466. You dig?Copy !req
467. Oh, come on.Copy !req
468. We like wearing
turbans and eating baklava.Copy !req
469. We like chicks with burkas...Copy !req
470. that cover their ta-tas.Copy !req
471. Ooh, ah! Ooh, ah!Copy !req
472. Persians, huh!Copy !req
473. You're joking, right?Copy !req
474. Man, come on.Copy !req
475. Yeah!Copy !req
476. Oh-Copy !req
477. Oh, please, take a hike.Copy !req
478. Yeah!Copy !req
479. Oh!Copy !req
480. Don't come up in my kitchen...Copy !req
481. with that weak-ass shit.Copy !req
482. Eee! Ooh!Copy !req
483. You got served!Copy !req
484. You telling me we lost?Copy !req
485. Dance them to the cliffs!Copy !req
486. No mercy!Copy !req
487. Come on, man,
can we talk about this?Copy !req
488. Yo, I just met
these dudes right here.Copy !req
489. I don't even know them.Copy !req
490. Onward! Keep dancing, boys!Copy !req
491. - Last one in is a rotten egg!
- Cannonball!Copy !req
492. Marco!Copy !req
493. Polo!Copy !req
494. Hyah!Copy !req
495. We may have won the battle,
but they will win the war!Copy !req
496. Hyah! What?Copy !req
497. Buttmeister presents...Copy !req
498. "Real Men of Genius."Copy !req
499. Today we salute you...Copy !req
500. Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual.Copy !req
501. Wearing nothing but
leather underwear and a cape...Copy !req
502. you charge your enemy like
an oiled-up hairless wonder.Copy !req
503. Sure, there's danger-Copy !req
504. charging rhinos,
stampeding elephants...Copy !req
505. and that cute toga-wearing guy
named Chad.Copy !req
506. You only went out on one date...Copy !req
507. but you'll remember it...Copy !req
508. forever, forever...Copy !req
509. Your keen instincts tell you
to cut, slice and chop...Copy !req
510. every man you see.Copy !req
511. But enough about your career
as a hair stylist...Copy !req
512. let's talk war.Copy !req
513. So this Butt's for you,
King Leonidas...Copy !req
514. because when the going gets tough...Copy !req
515. the tough go antiquing.Copy !req
516. Queen Margo...Copy !req
517. we must speak.Copy !req
518. Loyalist, what do you want?Copy !req
519. Nice tomatoes.Copy !req
520. Your husband needs you.Copy !req
521. You must convince the council...Copy !req
522. to send more troops
to support your husband.Copy !req
523. My husband is dead.Copy !req
524. He told me to move on.Copy !req
525. Besides, I'm already
registered on J Date.Copy !req
526. A little to the right.Copy !req
527. That's it.Copy !req
528. If Leonidas fails,
Xerxes will take over...Copy !req
529. and you will be stripped
of your crown.Copy !req
530. I won't be queen?Copy !req
531. Ow! That's too hard.Copy !req
532. You will lose everything.Copy !req
533. Ow! Ooh, stop.Copy !req
534. Your palace, your Mercedes...Copy !req
535. Hi-yah!Copy !req
536. - Ow!
- ... your Nintendo Wii...Copy !req
537. No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
538. Ow!Copy !req
539. your vaginal regeneration surgeon...Copy !req
540. Hi... yah!Copy !req
541. your gardener.Copy !req
542. Antonio?Copy !req
543. My husband needs me.Copy !req
544. I'll do whatever it takes.Copy !req
545. I will set...Copy !req
546. the meeting with the council.Copy !req
547. But in order to win their vote...Copy !req
548. you will need to get
Traitoro's support.Copy !req
549. He holds great influence...Copy !req
550. with the council.Copy !req
551. There better be a happy ending.Copy !req
552. King Leonidas!Copy !req
553. Xerxes approaches.Copy !req
554. Xerxes.Copy !req
555. He looked a lot like
that fat guy from Borat.Copy !req
556. I am the great god-king Xerxes.Copy !req
557. Ooh!Copy !req
558. Ooh!Copy !req
559. Ow, ow, ow!Copy !req
560. Not again!
That always happens.Copy !req
561. Ow!Copy !req
562. Whew!Copy !req
563. Damn!Copy !req
564. - Oh, s-sorry, Xerxes.
- It's cool.Copy !req
565. It's cool, cool. I'm fine.Copy !req
566. I meant to do that.Copy !req
567. Oh, shit!Copy !req
568. I'll tell you, kid, you got balls.Copy !req
569. I come over here with a big army.Copy !req
570. We going to shish kebab your ass.Copy !req
571. Before this battle is over...Copy !req
572. people will know...Copy !req
573. that even a god-king can fall.Copy !req
574. Listen, Leo, I came here to talk.Copy !req
575. Just listen to my deal.Copy !req
576. Ladies!Copy !req
577. Hi, Xerxes.Copy !req
578. Ah, that's probably for me.Copy !req
579. Hello?Copy !req
580. Really?Copy !req
581. Okay.Copy !req
582. That was the banker.Copy !req
583. He's offering...Copy !req
584. to buy back your briefcase...Copy !req
585. for a weekend getaway for two...Copy !req
586. in Las Vegas, Nevada...Copy !req
587. at the Palms Hotel and Casino!Copy !req
588. Ooh...Copy !req
589. I've always wanted to go there!Copy !req
590. All you have to do
is bow down to me...Copy !req
591. and surrender Sparta.Copy !req
592. Deal...Copy !req
593. or no deal?Copy !req
594. - Deal!
- Deal!
- Take it!Copy !req
595. Take the deal!Copy !req
596. You think I should? No!Copy !req
597. - Take the deal!
- It's simple.Copy !req
598. - Take the deal!
- Come on!Copy !req
599. What about Sparta?Copy !req
600. - Hit the button!
- Come on!Copy !req
601. Take the deal! Take it!Copy !req
602. - Take it!
- Take the deal!Copy !req
603. Hit the button!Copy !req
604. Take it!Copy !req
605. No deal!Copy !req
606. Oh, great!Copy !req
607. By the time I'm finished with you...Copy !req
608. Sparta will be annihilated.Copy !req
609. It will be as though
you never existed.Copy !req
610. I will see to it that you are...Copy !req
611. written out of the history books.Copy !req
612. Well, that's fine by me, Xerxes...Copy !req
613. because I can't read.Copy !req
614. Xerxes didn't take rejection well.Copy !req
615. From every corner of his empire...Copy !req
616. he sent his most
vicious warriors to fight.Copy !req
617. Yo mama's so ghetto,
when she breast-feeds...Copy !req
618. Kool-Aid comes out!Copy !req
619. Yo mama's so stupid,
she thought Tupac Shakur...Copy !req
620. was a Jewish holiday!Copy !req
621. Get her, Dilio!Copy !req
622. Yo mama's so fat, her
pants size is, um, um, um...Copy !req
623. "Bitch, lose some weight"!Copy !req
624. Your mama's so butch...Copy !req
625. Rosie O'Donnell
wouldn't even date her.Copy !req
626. Uh-uh! No, you didn't!
No, you didn't!Copy !req
627. - Whoa!
- No, you didn't!Copy !req
628. Well, yo mama titties
is smaller than yours.Copy !req
629. Bounce some D's on that bitch!Copy !req
630. Your mama's so fat,
Sir Mix-A-lot decided...Copy !req
631. he doesn't like big butts!Copy !req
632. And he ain't lyin'!
Kiss that!Copy !req
633. Oh! Ow!Copy !req
634. Oh, my eyes!Copy !req
635. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
636. Walk it off.Copy !req
637. - How you like that, huh?
- Sit down.Copy !req
638. Yo, yo mama's so fat,
that when she farts...Copy !req
639. Al Gore accuses her
of global warming, dawg.Copy !req
640. Whew!Copy !req
641. Cranking it up!Copy !req
642. Yes, well, that may be the case,
but your mama's so hairy...Copy !req
643. the only language she speaks...Copy !req
644. is Wookiee!Copy !req
645. Oh!Copy !req
646. That's it!Copy !req
647. Well, yo mama-Copy !req
648. Yo ma-Copy !req
649. Yes!Copy !req
650. Bye-bye!Copy !req
651. Back to the hood!Copy !req
652. Xerxes watched
as his warriors were defeated.Copy !req
653. It sent an all-too-human chill
up his spine.Copy !req
654. Or perhaps that was
the Dentyne Ice...Copy !req
655. with cool mint crystals.Copy !req
656. Loyalist said you wanted to see me.Copy !req
657. That's my urine sample.Copy !req
658. Tastes like asparagus.Copy !req
659. Leonidas needs more troops.Copy !req
660. Without reinforcements,
Sparta will fall and-Copy !req
661. I'll do anything...Copy !req
662. for my husband.Copy !req
663. Anything?Copy !req
664. Awesome!Copy !req
665. I'm so getting laid!Copy !req
666. Good-bye, virginity.Copy !req
667. I promise you,
you're not going to enjoy this.Copy !req
668. But I suffer from premature eja-Copy !req
669. Oh-Copy !req
670. Mmm.Copy !req
671. It's okay; I have crabs.Copy !req
672. Ooh-Copy !req
673. Betray your beloved Spartans...Copy !req
674. Nice.Copy !req
675. and I will give you
anything you desire.Copy !req
676. That's hot.Copy !req
677. Bow down to me.Copy !req
678. Bow down to the great god-king...Copy !req
679. Xerxes.Copy !req
680. I'm a Hilton.Copy !req
681. I don't bow.Copy !req
682. But I do bend over.Copy !req
683. Ah, good.Copy !req
684. There's a secret goat path
into the Hot Gates.Copy !req
685. You could totally use it
to defeat Leonidas.Copy !req
686. Ah-Copy !req
687. And what do you desire?Copy !req
688. I want my record expunged.Copy !req
689. Oh, and I want
that new Chanel purse.Copy !req
690. Thank you.Copy !req
691. I want throwing up to be fun.Copy !req
692. You got something to say,
say it- I got things to do.Copy !req
693. What was it?Copy !req
694. I can't remem-Copy !req
695. Oh, God, geez, yeah.Copy !req
696. I want to get this hump removed.Copy !req
697. Mmm!Copy !req
698. Will you please just do it?
It's really heavy and really hard to keep clean.Copy !req
699. Done.Copy !req
700. Aah!Copy !req
701. As long as Xerxes doesn't find...Copy !req
702. the secret path to the Hot Gates...Copy !req
703. their vast numbers
won't count for shit.Copy !req
704. My king!Copy !req
705. Catch your breath.Copy !req
706. Vanilla blended.Copy !req
707. What is it, boy?Copy !req
708. Xerxes has found
the secret goat path...Copy !req
709. through the Hot Gates.Copy !req
710. Aw, shit!Copy !req
711. Damn that Paris Hilton.Copy !req
712. I hate her.Copy !req
713. He's deployed thousands
of Persian soldiers...Copy !req
714. that'll be here any minute.Copy !req
715. Dilio...Copy !req
716. how bad are your injuries?Copy !req
717. Oh, it's, uh- it's
just a scratch, my king.Copy !req
718. You've got no eyes.Copy !req
719. The gods blessed me with a spare.Copy !req
720. No, they haven't.Copy !req
721. You just had the two.Copy !req
722. Jeremy has the spare.Copy !req
723. I can still fight!Copy !req
724. Whoa! No!Copy !req
725. Dilio! Dilio!Copy !req
726. Di- Dilio! Dilio! Dilio.Copy !req
727. Walk with me.Copy !req
728. No. No. No.Copy !req
729. Your fate is the most important.Copy !req
730. You must go back to Sparta...Copy !req
731. and tell of our tale.Copy !req
732. Yes, my king.Copy !req
733. Any message for the queen?Copy !req
734. None that need be said.Copy !req
735. Now go, Dilio.Copy !req
736. Tell how 13 Spartans
fought for honor...Copy !req
737. for glory...
for freedom!Copy !req
738. Good luck, Dilio.Copy !req
739. Spartans!Copy !req
740. This is your final chance.Copy !req
741. Bow down to me or you will die.Copy !req
742. I bow for no man!Copy !req
743. Take a knee.Copy !req
744. No!Copy !req
745. - Curtsey.
- Enough!Copy !req
746. Well, your sandal is untied.Copy !req
747. Oh... thanks very much.Copy !req
748. See?
Was that that difficult?Copy !req
749. - No, wait, no!
- Ah-tah-tah-tah-tah-Copy !req
750. - No, I wasn't bowing.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
751. I was just doing my shoe!Copy !req
752. No, you acknowledged me
as your god-king.Copy !req
753. High-five!Copy !req
754. Ooh.Copy !req
755. What?Copy !req
756. What-What-What the hell is so funny?Copy !req
757. - You!
- Me?Copy !req
758. You greet like women.Copy !req
759. You idiots are
wearing banana hammocks...Copy !req
760. and you're laughing at me?Copy !req
761. Now you're pissing me off.Copy !req
762. I'm getting everybody.Copy !req
763. Hello. Where you at?Copy !req
764. I know where I'm at.Copy !req
765. Bring in my vast army.Copy !req
766. You 13...Copy !req
767. putz are no match...Copy !req
768. for my massive Persian army.Copy !req
769. They number in the millions!Copy !req
770. That's just a blue screen.Copy !req
771. Stupid.Copy !req
772. It's a visual effect.Copy !req
773. It's going to be digitally
inserted later.Copy !req
774. And the army is quite
impressive, as you can imagine.Copy !req
775. Gentlemen, may I present...Copy !req
776. Queen Margo.Copy !req
777. Come on, baby.
I'm gettin' a chubby.Copy !req
778. Boner alert. Boner alert.Copy !req
779. Okay, boys, make it rain!Copy !req
780. Good councilmen...Copy !req
781. I implore you.Copy !req
782. Your king, my dear
husband, needs your help.Copy !req
783. Sparta will fall...Copy !req
784. if you don't agree
to send the rest of our army.Copy !req
785. Gentlemen, our only
hope for survival...Copy !req
786. is to surrender to Xerxes
and beg for his forgiveness.Copy !req
787. Do not be swayed by the words
of this common prick-tease...Copy !req
788. with crabs all up in her coochie.Copy !req
789. Ooh-Copy !req
790. Oh, no, you didn't.Copy !req
791. Yes. Yes, I did.Copy !req
792. Queen Margo unleashed
a venomous rage...Copy !req
793. much like Tobey Maguire
in Spider-Man 3.Copy !req
794. I'm evil.Copy !req
795. Made of sand.Copy !req
796. Ohh!Copy !req
797. Oh, no.Copy !req
798. Ooh!Copy !req
799. Oh... cute.Copy !req
800. Gross.Copy !req
801. What is it?Copy !req
802. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
803. Oh, God!
Oh! Oh, my God.Copy !req
804. How you like me now, Sandman?Copy !req
805. Oh, no.Copy !req
806. Dust-busting bitch! No!Copy !req
807. No!Copy !req
808. Ah-Copy !req
809. Well, tickle my nipples
with a feather.Copy !req
810. Xerxes is in Traitoro's top five.Copy !req
811. Grumble, grumble, grumble-Copy !req
812. Traitoro was a... traitor?Copy !req
813. Duh!Copy !req
814. All in favor...Copy !req
815. of sending more troops...
say aye.Copy !req
816. Aye! Aye! Aye!
Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye-Copy !req
817. Spartans!Copy !req
818. We have you surrounded.Copy !req
819. Lay down your weapons!Copy !req
820. Come and get them!Copy !req
821. Formation!Copy !req
822. Um-Copy !req
823. A Spartan always protects
another man's rear.Copy !req
824. Adjust your sword, boy.Copy !req
825. It's digging into my back.Copy !req
826. But I'm not wearing my sword.Copy !req
827. Carry on then.Copy !req
828. My son.Copy !req
829. Today...
you are truly a Spartan.Copy !req
830. Thanks, Father.Copy !req
831. Attack!Copy !req
832. Steady, Spartans!Copy !req
833. Remember this day, boys!Copy !req
834. For today is the day you die!Copy !req
835. - Huh?
- What? Huh?Copy !req
836. What?Copy !req
837. I-I mean they die.Copy !req
838. Today's the day they die-
that's what I meant to say.Copy !req
839. Go!Copy !req
840. Oh, what a bunch of dumb shits.Copy !req
841. God, that smarts.Copy !req
842. I am gonna go Hercules on your ass!Copy !req
843. Ghost Rider!Copy !req
844. You're going to hell.Copy !req
845. Stop, drop and roll!Copy !req
846. Stop, drop and roll!Copy !req
847. Yo!Copy !req
848. No!Copy !req
849. Yo, Sonio.Copy !req
850. I'm gonna knock your block off.Copy !req
851. Oh, shit.Copy !req
852. Sonio!Copy !req
853. You'll pay for this, Balboa.Copy !req
854. Go for it.Copy !req
855. Adult diapers?Copy !req
856. Botox... overdose.Copy !req
857. Yes!Copy !req
858. Yeah!Copy !req
859. Yeah!Copy !req
860. Yes!Copy !req
861. Xerxes!Copy !req
862. It's a- a beautiful death.Copy !req
863. It's actually not that attractive.Copy !req
864. Ooh!Copy !req
865. Shit!Copy !req
866. Enough of this gratuitous
video game violence!Copy !req
867. Waah!Copy !req
868. Ah-Copy !req
869. Aha!Copy !req
870. A Transformer cube!Copy !req
871. Okay, baby, let's transform.Copy !req
872. I... am Xerxestron...Copy !req
873. equipped with advanced
alien technology.Copy !req
874. Leave Britney alone!Copy !req
875. He is a god-king.Copy !req
876. Please-Copy !req
877. Leave her alone!Copy !req
878. She's a human!Copy !req
879. Oh, oh, ain't that a bitch.Copy !req
880. Leonidas was true to his word.Copy !req
881. A god-king did fall.Copy !req
882. But unfortunately, right on them.Copy !req
883. I-I-I just-Copy !req
884. Oh-Copy !req
885. Ooh.Copy !req
886. Queen Margo.Copy !req
887. - Yeah.
- Oh.Copy !req
888. Leonidas and the Spartans...Copy !req
889. died for honor...Copy !req
890. for glory.Copy !req
891. They died a beautiful death.Copy !req
892. Today... we stand against
30,000 Persians.Copy !req
893. But we now have 100,000 soldiers!Copy !req
894. Ah-ooh! Ah-ooh! Ah-ooh!Copy !req
895. To victory!Copy !req
896. Ah.Copy !req
897. Follow me, boys.Copy !req
898. I don't know.Copy !req
899. And thus,
Dilio blindly led the Spartans...Copy !req
900. away from the Persians...Copy !req
901. to Malibu...Copy !req
902. just as Lindsay Lohan
was leaving rehab... again.Copy !req
903. Whassup, dawg?Copy !req
904. That's "Britney," bitch.Copy !req
905. As the Spartans kicked major ass...Copy !req
906. even Leonidas believed...Copy !req
907. victory was theirs.Copy !req
908. Victory is ours, boys!Copy !req
909. Ah-ooh!Copy !req
910. Let's celebrate!Copy !req
911. For tonight, we dine...Copy !req
912. at Hooter's!Copy !req
913. Hoo!Copy !req
914. Eat from them...Copy !req
915. everything!Copy !req
916. And tip them...Copy !req
917. nothing!Copy !req
918. Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
919. It's Two-fer Tuesday.Copy !req
920. Yeah!Copy !req
921. - Come on!
- No! Whoa!Copy !req
922. Oh, isn't that sweet.Copy !req
923. Oh...! Oh-Copy !req
924. Oh-Oh-Copy !req
925. That's my boy.Copy !req
926. Where do you think you're going?Copy !req
927. - Aah!
- You little pussy.Copy !req
928. No! No!Copy !req
929. That's it.Copy !req
930. Yay.Copy !req
931. If you can dodge a golf ball,
you can dodge a sword.Copy !req
932. Ha! You missed.Copy !req
933. Ow!Copy !req
934. He can outflank us now, my king.Copy !req
935. Men!Copy !req
936. We are facing certain death.Copy !req
937. Cherries.Copy !req
938. But...Copy !req
939. the joke's on them,
because they don't know...Copy !req
940. that dying in battle
is the greatest honor...Copy !req
941. for any Spartan!Copy !req
942. Ah-hoo.Copy !req
943. God, that's a shitty plan.Copy !req
944. Look, Leonidas...Copy !req
945. war is not the answer.
Heh-heh.Copy !req
946. Trust me, I know.Copy !req
947. No! War is the answer!Copy !req
948. Where am I?Copy !req
949. Spidey, you're fired.Copy !req
950. Hi.
How are you, Leonidas?Copy !req
951. Ellen.Copy !req
952. Listen, I don't know
why you're so upset.Copy !req
953. You look great.
You know, the cape is great.Copy !req
954. Love the... diaper.Copy !req
955. I-I'd wear something very similar...Copy !req
956. for Portia on Friday nights.Copy !req
957. We get frisky.Copy !req
958. Hello, Leonidas.Copy !req
959. Wow, is it hot in here?Copy !req
960. Okay, Portia, Portia,
women, women, women.Copy !req
961. Women, you like
women.Copy !req
962. I can see by your-Copy !req
963. your reaction, you're not amused.Copy !req
964. It's the same reaction anyone
who went to see Mr. Wrong had.Copy !req
965. Uh, let's play a game-
maybe we could play a game.Copy !req
966. How about "Who Sneezed?"Copy !req
967. It's a real easy game.Copy !req
968. We close our eyes
and someone sneezes...Copy !req
969. and you guess who.Copy !req
970. If it was you, you win- 'cause
obviously, you know.Copy !req
971. Listen, chill out.Copy !req
972. Let's just dance, shall we? Come on.Copy !req
973. That's right. Oh, boy.Copy !req
974. Okay.Copy !req
975. There you go, you're
getting the hang of it.Copy !req
976. - You know, back and forth-
- No, I can't do this!Copy !req
977. Yo mama's so ugly, if she was...Copy !req
978. on the Spice Girls,
her name would be...Copy !req
979. Dookie Spice!Copy !req
980. Doo-doo!Copy !req
981. Leonidas.Copy !req
982. You should try Scientology.Copy !req
983. I'm gonna set Katie free.Copy !req
984. Yes!Copy !req
985. I had to buy
a million and one glitters...Copy !req
986. with my own money,
and I had to buy-Copy !req
987. I put them on by hand, Simon...Copy !req
988. and my reputation is all I have,
and for you to sit here...Copy !req
989. telling me that
I'm not intennigent-Copy !req
990. inte-
that I'm not intenni-Copy !req
991. - Let me start over.
- Intelligent. Yeah.Copy !req
992. - Hang on.
- Intelligent. Yeah.Copy !req
993. I looked everywhere.Copy !req
994. Don't you hate when you're
on an airplane, you know...Copy !req
995. and the captain's, like,
"If you look out the window...Copy !req
996. to your left, you're gonna
see another plane"?Copy !req
997. Am I right? See what
I'm talking about?Copy !req
998. Another plane? Right?Copy !req
999. Don't you hate when you're
in the supermarket...Copy !req
1000. you know, and you're in aisle three.Copy !req
1001. And, like, "Clean up
on aisle three."Copy !req
1002. You know? And you're, like,
"What am I doing here?"Copy !req
1003. I'm in aisle three, huh? Right?Copy !req
1004. You're all my fans, right?
You all love me, right?Copy !req
1005. Who saw Employee of the Month?Copy !req
1006. Okay, that's cool.Copy !req
1007. Right? Yeah, what's up, Leonidas?Copy !req
1008. Super fingers to you.Copy !req
1009. No.Copy !req
1010. Super fingers...Copy !req
1011. to you, Dane Cook!Copy !req
1012. This is a metaphor for my career.Copy !req
1013. You're off my MySpace page.Copy !req
1014. I'm really 42.Copy !req
1015. Sorry, I didn't hear
what you said...Copy !req
1016. because
I can't understand you...Copy !req
1017. 'cause you talk like this.Copy !req
1018. Your mama's such
an old sloppy drunk...Copy !req
1019. I thought she was David Hasselhoff.Copy !req
1020. Yeah!Copy !req
1021. From Knight Rider.Copy !req
1022. Dinaladas, do-Copy !req
1023. Dot- Dingalidas, Dingalidas...Copy !req
1024. Dingledangle, do...Copy !req
1025. leg squats, and then
you will be a star...Copy !req
1026. you will be a star.Copy !req
1027. The last episode of Sopranos
was most disappointing.Copy !req
1028. I mean, did Tony get whacked
or live or what?Copy !req
1029. What happens in Vegas...Copy !req
1030. stays in Vegas.Copy !req
1031. You just-You keep doing
the thing you do...Copy !req
1032. 'cause... the do is thing you do.Copy !req
1033. When you're pushed,
killing's as easy as...Copy !req
1034. dancin'.Copy !req