1. In the land of Sparta,
when babies were born...Copy !req
2. the elders
would inspect them for defects.Copy !req
3. Are you my mama?
Because I'm ready to suckle a teat.Copy !req
4. If any imperfections were found,
the baby was rejected.Copy !req
5. And if the baby was Vietnamese...Copy !req
6. Brangelina had first dibs.Copy !req
7. Cute, huh?Copy !req
8. Behold Leonidas...Copy !req
9. the perfect Spartan.Copy !req
10. From an early age,
Leonidas was taught to fight.Copy !req
11. Come on, you little shit.
You can't beat me.Copy !req
12. - You're never gonna be a Spartan, never.
- Take this, Granny!Copy !req
13. He was tortured,
taught to show no pain.Copy !req
14. Tell me, Mr. Bond,
what is the account number?Copy !req
15. Who the hell is Mr. Bond?
I'm Leonidas.Copy !req
16. - You're testing my patience, double-0.
- But I am not double-0!Copy !req
17. Little Miss Sunshine!Copy !req
18. Here's a nice one.Copy !req
19. That's right. Yeah.Copy !req
20. Mr. Bond, I'd like you
to meet Captain Adorable.Copy !req
21. Good boy. Good boy.
Who's a good boy?Copy !req
22. Leonidas was sent into the wild
to learn how to survive.Copy !req
23. He braved the elements...Copy !req
24. endured starvation.Copy !req
25. No mayo?Copy !req
26. This is bullshit!Copy !req
27. The beast stalks Leonidas...Copy !req
28. red eyes glowing like the fires of hell.Copy !req
29. Man, you've got happy feet.Copy !req
30. What you laughing at, asswipe?Copy !req
31. I'm about to shove my happy foot
up your ass, cracker.Copy !req
32. - Nice penguin.
- Where you going, pussy?Copy !req
33. I'm about to make you my bitch,
Leonidas. Lick my snowballs.Copy !req
34. Now eat my penguin asshole.Copy !req
35. That Taco Bell ain't sitting right!Copy !req
36. - It smells!
- Caught you with your mouth open.Copy !req
37. You dead, Leonidas!
Say "what's up" to Anna Nicole for me.Copy !req
38. Shit, I'm stuck!Copy !req
39. You got a penguin pinned down.
Help, help!Copy !req
40. Oh, my ass! My ass hurt!Copy !req
41. Why you wanna do me like that?
Come on, man.Copy !req
42. I could hook you up.
We could work it out.Copy !req
43. I'll suck your dick—Copy !req
44. And the boy
that was cast into the wild...Copy !req
45. returned a king.Copy !req
46. Boobs.Copy !req
47. Sign my rack?Copy !req
48. - And they're real too.
- Yes!Copy !req
49. Marry me?Copy !req
50. - Well, what's that?
- The combination to my chastity belt.Copy !req
51. Leonidas was stoked.Copy !req
52. He wed Margo
and she bore him a fine son.Copy !req
53. And life in the land of Sparta was good.Copy !req
54. - Yes, yes! Good!
- Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
55. Give me your hand.Copy !req
56. Remember, son,
a warrior must learn to take a hit.Copy !req
57. Fight with your head,
think with your heart.Copy !req
58. Give him the pile driver, honey.Copy !req
59. Pile driver?Copy !req
60. That's my boy.Copy !req
61. My queen.Copy !req
62. - No!
- Captain.Copy !req
63. I see Leonidas is molding
our future king of Sparta to be a man.Copy !req
64. I remember when my father
used to beat me.Copy !req
65. Traditional rites of passage.Copy !req
66. No, my father was an alcoholic.Copy !req
67. Xerxes' messenger awaits, my king.Copy !req
68. - Greetings, Leonidas.
- Greetings, messenger.Copy !req
69. - What the hell was that?
- What?Copy !req
70. You just kissed me!Copy !req
71. That is how men of Sparta
greet one another.Copy !req
72. High-fives for the women...Copy !req
73. and open-mouth tongue kisses
for the men.Copy !req
74. - Oh, I get it.
- Get what?Copy !req
75. - You have a "free society" here.
- Yes. The freest!Copy !req
76. Not that there's anything wrong
with that.Copy !req
77. - I dig big black dudes.
- Yeah.Copy !req
78. Come, messenger. Let us walk.Copy !req
79. The great Xerxes has taken over
the world with his vast Persian army...Copy !req
80. and has set his sights
on his final conquest, Sparta.Copy !req
81. - Let us talk by the giant pit of death.
- Okay.Copy !req
82. Xerxes is a kind god-king
and offers these...Copy !req
83. peaceful alternatives to war.Copy !req
84. No blood will be shed, as long as
you Spartan men build his pyramids...Copy !req
85. and your women
become his sex slaves...Copy !req
86. and your children work
at sweatshops making Nikes.Copy !req
87. That sounds reasonable.Copy !req
88. I'm sure you would think so,
Councilman Traitoro.Copy !req
89. Tell Xerxes...Copy !req
90. to take his proposal...Copy !req
91. and shove it!Copy !req
92. What the hell?Copy !req
93. - What? He came on to me.
- I did not. Dog, your wife's a ho.Copy !req
94. This means war!Copy !req
95. It's cool, it's cool.
We got San Francisco...Copy !req
96. and West Hollywood,
we don't need Sparta.Copy !req
97. I'll just tell Xerxes it's a no-go.Copy !req
98. Kick his ass in.Copy !req
99. This is madness!Copy !req
100. Madness?Copy !req
101. This is Sparta!Copy !req
102. Why did you do that?
He was backing down.Copy !req
103. My lord, he will tell Xerxes
that Sparta is not for them...Copy !req
104. so don't kick him
into the pit of death.Copy !req
105. Stop kicking people
into the pit of death, really.Copy !req
106. I don't know why y'all have to always
get on my back for everything.Copy !req
107. I'm a responsible adult. Look at me,
I'm booby-feeding my baby.Copy !req
108. Sometimes I give him fried milk.
I call them milk poppers.Copy !req
109. It's just like breast milk, but it's fried.Copy !req
110. He loves them. Don't you, baby?Copy !req
111. I'm a smart shopper. I got this entire
outfit in an alley from a Mexico woman.Copy !req
112. Bargain shopping, yeahCopy !req
113. Why y'all think I'm messed up?
Shit, do I look crazy to you?Copy !req
114. Damn, coz, there goes my palimony.
K-Fed ain't havin' it, yo!Copy !req
115. K-Fed, come back to me please!
Please! I'll let you under my skirt.Copy !req
116. There goes K-Fed's cheddar, yo.Copy !req
117. I'm not gay, yeahCopy !req
118. - Leonidas.
- Ryan Seacrest?Copy !req
119. How did you feel about that kick?Copy !req
120. Let's see what the judges
have to say. Randy?Copy !req
121. Yo, Leo, dog, man, I wasn't
really feeling you on that kick, dog.Copy !req
122. I don't know what happened. It was just
all right for me, dog. I mean...Copy !req
123. - Just all right, dog.
- Paula?Copy !req
124. Leonidas...Copy !req
125. You...Copy !req
126. move me.Copy !req
127. - Simon?
- I thought the kick...Copy !req
128. was utterly dreadful.Copy !req
129. - Simon.
- In fact, I've seen better kicks...Copy !req
130. from a geriatric donkey,
and I'm not talking about you, Paula.Copy !req
131. I am sorry, king, but your journey
ends here.Copy !req
132. - Oh, go f*** yourselves!
- What are you—?Copy !req
133. Seacrest out!Copy !req
134. Excellent work, my king.
It's time to consult with the prophets.Copy !req
135. The ancient prophets
were advisors to the king.Copy !req
136. Grotesque swine,
their consult came with a bribe.Copy !req
137. Oxy 10.Copy !req
138. Neutrogena.Copy !req
139. This has an SPF.
This is all-day protection.Copy !req
140. Look at this. Exfoliator with
alpha-hydroxy. This is good for you.Copy !req
141. Rub it all over your disgusting face.Copy !req
142. What need you, King Leonidas?Copy !req
143. Ancient prophets, I need your guidance.Copy !req
144. I'm assembling an army of 300
to go to war with Persia.Copy !req
145. I'm going to take them in the rear.Copy !req
146. Here. Here.Copy !req
147. And then I'm gonna reach around...Copy !req
148. and I'm gonna take them again
from the front!Copy !req
149. What? Why are you sniggering?Copy !req
150. Nothing. Nothing.Copy !req
151. What's so damn funny?
Look, it's all there for you to see.Copy !req
152. - These are battle formations.
- That's what he calls them.Copy !req
153. It looks like backstage
at an Elton John concert.Copy !req
154. Cut it out! This isn't funny,
this is serious business.Copy !req
155. No Spartan goes to war
without first consulting...Copy !req
156. the oracle.Copy !req
157. The prophets chose only
the most beautiful of Spartan girls...Copy !req
158. to be their oracle.Copy !req
159. - Ugly Betty?
- She has a great personality.Copy !req
160. I look like Jabba the Hutt.
That is hot to me.Copy !req
161. For shizzle, my nizzle.Copy !req
162. Save the cheerleader, save the world.Copy !req
163. Actually, I'm not into Heroes.Copy !req
164. - Douchebag says "what."
- What?Copy !req
165. - Chest waxer says "what."
- What?Copy !req
166. He walked into that one.Copy !req
167. What are you saying?
I don't understand.Copy !req
168. Go to war with Persia
and you will surely die.Copy !req
169. You're screwed, dude.Copy !req
170. What?Copy !req
171. He looks like a Ken doll.Copy !req
172. It's cold!Copy !req
173. "Tommy Lee"?Copy !req
174. Why is my king so restless?Copy !req
175. I can't sleep.Copy !req
176. It's this whole
"Battle of Thermopylae" thing.Copy !req
177. Are you still thinking about
what that young oracle said?Copy !req
178. There's only one woman
whose words you should listen to.Copy !req
179. - Oprah.
- Your wife.Copy !req
180. Right, right.Copy !req
181. How will I be tried
in the court of public opinion?Copy !req
182. Well, Harry Knowles
at Ain't It Cool News...Copy !req
183. says this movie is just
a cheap rip-off of 300.Copy !req
184. Even if the oracle doesn't support you,
I do. And Sparta does.Copy !req
185. This could be our last night together.Copy !req
186. - You wanna do it?
- Like we've never done it before.Copy !req
187. Ninety-seven! Ninety-eight!Copy !req
188. Ninety-nine!Copy !req
189. One hundred!Copy !req
190. Beat my record!Copy !req
191. - Captain.
- My king.Copy !req
192. Have you assembled my army...Copy !req
193. who will fight to the death
for the freedom of Sparta?Copy !req
194. Yes, king.Copy !req
195. I wanted 300.Copy !req
196. This seems like less.Copy !req
197. These were the only men who
met with your stringent specifications.Copy !req
198. "Hunky with deep Mediterranean tans...Copy !req
199. hot bods and..."Copy !req
200. - Yes?
- "Well-endowed."Copy !req
201. Ready to fight for you, my king.
Never give up! Never surrender!Copy !req
202. To infinity and beyond!Copy !req
203. He has a lot of heart, my king.
And nice man boobs.Copy !req
204. Indeed.Copy !req
205. These men will do.Copy !req
206. You are a fine captain, captain.Copy !req
207. - But a better friend, there is none.
- Thank you.Copy !req
208. Thank you.Copy !req
209. Thank you.Copy !req
210. Damn!Copy !req
211. He's got a huge package.Copy !req
212. I brought you some fudge.Copy !req
213. - Mom said that you like to pack it.
- She's a good woman.Copy !req
214. Goodbye, Father.Copy !req
215. Farewell, my son.Copy !req
216. - Introductions?
- King Leonidas, this is my son, Sonio.Copy !req
217. - My king.
- Why is he not fighting?Copy !req
218. He is not a warrior. And he's my only
son, destined to carry on my name.Copy !req
219. What do you think?Copy !req
220. Yummy.Copy !req
221. Work it, sister.Copy !req
222. I think he's fierce.Copy !req
223. And if you don't like it,
you can kiss my fat ass!Copy !req
224. Congratulations, Sonio.Copy !req
225. You're now on your way to becoming
Sparta's next top warrior.Copy !req
226. Spartan.Copy !req
227. My child...Copy !req
228. I shall never forget you.Copy !req
229. You are so small now...Copy !req
230. but one day you will grow to be
big and strong, like your father.Copy !req
231. That's not your son.Copy !req
232. You asshole.Copy !req
233. Take care of your mother.Copy !req
234. Stay tough, son.Copy !req
235. Come back with your shield,
or on it.Copy !req
236. And if I come back on it,
I want you to move on.Copy !req
237. I would never.Copy !req
238. Hell, if you died, I'd play the field.
To be honest...Copy !req
239. I've always wanted to do a fat chick.Copy !req
240. The men are ready, my king.Copy !req
241. Good. We'll head south
to the Hot Gates...Copy !req
242. and intercept the Persian army.Copy !req
243. - Where are you going?
- The oracle said not to go to war.Copy !req
244. The oracle also said that
our painted-on abs look fake...Copy !req
245. but I beg to differ.Copy !req
246. Give the order, captain.Copy !req
247. Spartans! In formation!Copy !req
248. Move out!Copy !req
249. The fearless Spartans
reached the Hot Gates...Copy !req
250. where danger lurked
around every corner.Copy !req
251. Halt skipping!Copy !req
252. Exhausted from the journey, the
Spartans replenished their electrolytes.Copy !req
253. Gatorade. Is it in you?Copy !req
254. What do you think, my king?Copy !req
255. We'll use the narrow passageway of
the Hot Gates to funnel the Persians in...Copy !req
256. where their vast numbers
won't count for shit.Copy !req
257. Captain, have the men
found any other trails...Copy !req
258. that the Persians
could use to attack us?Copy !req
259. None, sir.Copy !req
260. I know such a road, my king.Copy !req
261. Back off, hideous creature.Copy !req
262. There's a secret goat path
above the Hot Gates.Copy !req
263. If the Persians found it,
they could outflank you.Copy !req
264. Slow your roll, captain.Copy !req
265. Reveal yourself, creature.Copy !req
266. - Paris Hilton?
- Hey, fellas.Copy !req
267. What happened to you?Copy !req
268. Oh, you mean the hump?Copy !req
269. Yeah, the hump.Copy !req
270. It was all that, "You're going to jail,
now you can get out of jail.Copy !req
271. Now you're going back to jail."
And on and on and on and on.Copy !req
272. It's just been really confusing.
I mean, even Tinkerbell's affected by it.Copy !req
273. She hasn't moved since Saturday.
But she still poops, which is weird.Copy !req
274. And me. They've turned me
into this, like, totally grotesque monster.Copy !req
275. And I don't even know what—Copy !req
276. Hang on a minute.Copy !req
277. Hello? Oh, hey, Nicole.Copy !req
278. Nothing, just some guys with swords.Copy !req
279. No, I'm talking about actual swords,
Nicole. You're gross.Copy !req
280. Yeah, I'm hungry. Did you eat?Copy !req
281. Oh, you ate an almond? Oh, yeah,
you're done eating for the day.Copy !req
282. And then let's go to Pinkberry.Copy !req
283. Bye, sexy.Copy !req
284. Look, it's my dream to be a Spartan.Copy !req
285. I wanna fight for you,
for my king.Copy !req
286. - What can you do?
- Well...Copy !req
287. Have you seen my video?Copy !req
288. I don't like the way
you handle a spear.Copy !req
289. You grip the shaft firmly,
then with one hand on the base...Copy !req
290. you slide the other all the way
up to the tip.Copy !req
291. That's hot.Copy !req
292. I'm sorry, but we cannot use you.Copy !req
293. No! It's not fair!Copy !req
294. Mom!Copy !req
295. You'll be sorry.
You're making a terrible mistake.Copy !req
296. I'm not as stupid as I look!Copy !req
297. Help!Copy !req
298. Look, Persians!Copy !req
299. I am the emissary
to the great god-king Xerxes...Copy !req
300. come to accept your surrender.Copy !req
301. Oh, we're not here to surrender.Copy !req
302. Xerxes will enjoy
making you his slaves.Copy !req
303. - Spartans!
- Yeah!Copy !req
304. Let's battle!Copy !req
305. Oh, we about to stomp the yard.Copy !req
306. We are the SpartansCopy !req
307. We stomp the yardCopy !req
308. Check out our bunsCopy !req
309. They are rock-hard!Copy !req
310. Spartans!Copy !req
311. Persians!Copy !req
312. Let's show them why we're national
champs three years running. You dig?Copy !req
313. Oh, come on.Copy !req
314. We like wearing turbans
and eating baklavaCopy !req
315. We like chicks with burkas
that cover their ta-tas!Copy !req
316. Persians!Copy !req
317. - What?
- You're joking, right?Copy !req
318. Man, come on.Copy !req
319. Yeah!Copy !req
320. Yeah!Copy !req
321. Don't come up in my kitchen
with that weak-ass shit.Copy !req
322. You got served.Copy !req
323. - You telling me we lost?
- Dance them to the cliffs.Copy !req
324. No mercy!Copy !req
325. Come on, can we talk about this? I just
met these dudes. I don't know them.Copy !req
326. Keep dancing, boys!Copy !req
327. Last one in is a rotten egg.
Cannonball!Copy !req
328. Marco...Copy !req
329. Polo!Copy !req
330. We may have won the battle,
but they will win the war.Copy !req
331. What?Copy !req
332. Buttmeister presents
real men of genius.Copy !req
333. Real men of geniusCopy !req
334. Today we salute you,
Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual.Copy !req
335. Mr. Warmongering Latent HomosexualCopy !req
336. Wearing only
leather underwear and a cape...Copy !req
337. you charge your enemy
like an oiled-up hairless wonder.Copy !req
338. Spray-on tanCopy !req
339. Sure, there's danger.
Charging rhinos, stampeding elephants...Copy !req
340. and that cute toga-wearing guy
named Chad.Copy !req
341. You only went out on one date,
but you'll remember it forever.Copy !req
342. Take your daily ValtrexCopy !req
343. Your keen instincts tell you to
cut, slice and chop every man you see.Copy !req
344. But enough about your career
as a hair stylist, let's talk war.Copy !req
345. The curling iron is hotCopy !req
346. So this Butt's for you, King Leonidas...Copy !req
347. because when the going gets tough,
the tough go antiquing.Copy !req
348. Mr. Warmongering Latent HomosexualCopy !req
349. Queen Margo, we must speak.Copy !req
350. Loyalist, what do you want?Copy !req
351. Nice tomatoes.Copy !req
352. Your husband needs you.Copy !req
353. You must convince the council to send
more troops to support your husband.Copy !req
354. My husband is dead.
He told me to move on.Copy !req
355. Besides, I'm already registered on JDate.Copy !req
356. A little to the right. That's it.Copy !req
357. If Leonidas fails, Xerxes will take over
and you will be stripped of your crown.Copy !req
358. I won't be queen?Copy !req
359. - That's too hard.
- You will lose everything.Copy !req
360. - Stop.
- Your palace. Your Mercedes.Copy !req
361. - Your Nintendo Wii.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
362. Your vaginal regeneration surgeon.Copy !req
363. Your gardener.Copy !req
364. Antonio?Copy !req
365. My husband needs me.
I'll do whatever it takes.Copy !req
366. I will set the meeting with the council.Copy !req
367. But in order to win their vote,
you will need to get Traitoro's support.Copy !req
368. He holds great influence
with the council.Copy !req
369. There better be a happy ending.Copy !req
370. King Leonidas. Xerxes approaches.Copy !req
371. Xerxes. He looked a lot
like that fat guy from Borat.Copy !req
372. I am the great god-king Xerxes.Copy !req
373. Not again. That always happens.Copy !req
374. Damn!Copy !req
375. - I'm sorry, Xerxes.
- It's cool.Copy !req
376. It's cool. I'm fine. I meant to do that.Copy !req
377. Oh, shit!Copy !req
378. Kid, you got balls.Copy !req
379. I come over here with a big army.
We're going to shish-kebab your ass.Copy !req
380. Before this battle is over...Copy !req
381. people will know
that even a god-king can fall.Copy !req
382. Listen, Leo, I came here to talk.
Just listen to my deal.Copy !req
383. - Ladies?
- Hi, Xerxes.Copy !req
384. That's probably for me.Copy !req
385. Hello. Really? Okay.Copy !req
386. That was the banker. He's offering
to buy back your briefcase...Copy !req
387. for a weekend getaway for two...Copy !req
388. in Las Vegas, Nevada,
at the Palms Hotel and Casino!Copy !req
389. - I've always wanted to go there!
- All you have to do is bow down to me...Copy !req
390. and surrender Sparta.Copy !req
391. Deal... or no deal?Copy !req
392. - Take the deal! Take the deal!
- Take the deal!Copy !req
393. Do you think I should? No!Copy !req
394. Take the deal! Take the deal!Copy !req
395. - What about Sparta?
- Hit the button!Copy !req
396. - Take the deal! Take it!
- Take it! Take it!Copy !req
397. Take the deal! Hit the button!Copy !req
398. Take it.Copy !req
399. No deal!Copy !req
400. Oh, great!Copy !req
401. By the time I'm finished with you,
Sparta will be annihilated.Copy !req
402. It will be as though you never existed.Copy !req
403. I will see to it that you are
written out of the history books.Copy !req
404. Well, that's fine by me, Xerxes...Copy !req
405. because I can't read.Copy !req
406. Xerxes didn't take rejection well.Copy !req
407. From every corner of his empire, he
sent his most vicious warriors to fight.Copy !req
408. Your mama's so ghetto, when she
breast-feeds, Kool-Aid comes out.Copy !req
409. - Yo, baby, that felt so bad.
- You got it. Take him.Copy !req
410. Your mama's so stupid, she thought
Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.Copy !req
411. - Get her, Dilio.
- Your mama's so fat...Copy !req
412. her pants size is:Copy !req
413. "Bitch, lose some weight!"Copy !req
414. Your mama's so butch,
Rosie O'Donnell wouldn't even date her.Copy !req
415. No, you didn't! No, you didn't!Copy !req
416. No, he didn't!Copy !req
417. Well, your mama's titties
is smaller than yours.Copy !req
418. Got some D's on that bitch.Copy !req
419. Your mama's so fat, Sir Mix-A-Lot
decided he doesn't like big butts.Copy !req
420. And he ain't lying! Kiss that.Copy !req
421. Oh, my eyes!Copy !req
422. - Walk it off.
- How you like that, huh?Copy !req
423. Yo, your mama's so fat
that when she farts...Copy !req
424. Al Gore accuses her
of global warming, dog.Copy !req
425. Yes, well, that may be the case,
but your mama's so hairy...Copy !req
426. the only language she speaks...Copy !req
427. is Wookiee!Copy !req
428. - And that's it!
- Well, your—Copy !req
429. Your mama—Copy !req
430. Goodbye. Back to the line.Copy !req
431. Xerxes watched
as his warriors were defeated.Copy !req
432. It sent an all-too-human
chill up his spine.Copy !req
433. Or perhaps that was
the Dentyne Ice with cool mint crystals.Copy !req
434. The Loyalist said you wanted
to see me.Copy !req
435. That's my urine sample.Copy !req
436. - Tastes like asparagus.
- Leonidas needs more troops.Copy !req
437. Without reinforcements,
Sparta will fall and...Copy !req
438. I'll do anything for my husband.Copy !req
439. Anything?Copy !req
440. Awesome! I'm so getting laid.Copy !req
441. Goodbye, virginity.Copy !req
442. I promise you,
you're not going to enjoy this...Copy !req
443. but I suffer from premature ejac—Copy !req
444. That's okay. I have crabs.Copy !req
445. Betray your beloved Spartans...Copy !req
446. Nice.Copy !req
447. and I will give you anything you desire.Copy !req
448. - That's hot.
- Bow down to me.Copy !req
449. Bow down
to the great god-king Xerxes.Copy !req
450. I'm a Hilton. I don't bow.Copy !req
451. But I do bend over.Copy !req
452. - Good.
- There's a secret path into the Hot Gates.Copy !req
453. You could totally use it
to defeat Leonidas.Copy !req
454. And what do you desire?Copy !req
455. I want my record expunged.Copy !req
456. Oh, and I want that new Chanel purse.Copy !req
457. Thank you.Copy !req
458. I want throwing up to be fun.Copy !req
459. You got something to say,
say it. I got things to do.Copy !req
460. What was it? I can't re—Copy !req
461. Oh, God, jeez, yeah.
I wanna get this hump removed.Copy !req
462. Would you please just do it. It's really
heavy and really hard to keep clean.Copy !req
463. Done.Copy !req
464. As long as Xerxes doesn't find
the secret path to the Hot Gates...Copy !req
465. their vast numbers
won't count for shit.Copy !req
466. My king!Copy !req
467. Catch your breath. Vanilla Blended.Copy !req
468. What is it, boy?Copy !req
469. Xerxes found the secret path
to the Hot Gates.Copy !req
470. Shit!Copy !req
471. - Damn that Paris Hilton!
- I hate her.Copy !req
472. He's deployed thousands of Persian
soldiers that'll be here any minute.Copy !req
473. Dilio.Copy !req
474. How bad are your injuries?Copy !req
475. Oh, it's— It's just a scratch, my king.Copy !req
476. - You've got no eyes.
- The gods blessed me with a spare.Copy !req
477. No, they haven't.
You just had the two.Copy !req
478. Jeremy has the spare.Copy !req
479. I can still fight!Copy !req
480. Dilio! Dilio! Dilio!Copy !req
481. Dilio, walk with me.Copy !req
482. No, no, no.Copy !req
483. Your fate is the most important.Copy !req
484. You must go back to Sparta
and tell of our tale.Copy !req
485. Yes, my king.
Any message for the queen?Copy !req
486. None that need be said.Copy !req
487. Now go, Dilio.
Tell how 13 Spartans fought for honor...Copy !req
488. for glory, for freedom!Copy !req
489. Good luck, Dilio.Copy !req
490. Spartans!Copy !req
491. This is your final chance.Copy !req
492. Bow down to me or you will die.Copy !req
493. I bow for no man!Copy !req
494. - Take a knee.
- No!Copy !req
495. - Curtsy.
- Enough!Copy !req
496. - Well, your sandal is untied.
- Oh, thanks very much.Copy !req
497. - See? Was that that difficult?
- No, wait, no!Copy !req
498. No, I wasn't bowing! I wasn't bowing!
I was just doing my shoe!Copy !req
499. No! You acknowledged me
as your god-king. High-five!Copy !req
500. What?Copy !req
501. What? What the hell is so funny?Copy !req
502. - You!
- Me?Copy !req
503. You greet like women.Copy !req
504. You idiots wear banana hammocks
and you laugh at me?Copy !req
505. Now you're pissing me off.
I'm getting everybody.Copy !req
506. Hello. Where you at?Copy !req
507. I know where I'm at.
Bring in my vast army.Copy !req
508. You 13 putz are no match
for my massive Persian army.Copy !req
509. They number in the millions!Copy !req
510. That's just a blue screen.Copy !req
511. Stupid, it's a visual effect.
It's going to be digitally inserted later.Copy !req
512. And the army is quite impressive,
as you can imagine.Copy !req
513. Gentlemen, may I present Queen Margo.Copy !req
514. All right.Copy !req
515. Come on, baby. I'm getting a chubby.Copy !req
516. Boner alert! Boner alert!Copy !req
517. Okay, boys, make it rain.Copy !req
518. Good councilmen, I implore you.Copy !req
519. Your king, my dear husband,
needs your help.Copy !req
520. Sparta will fall if you don't agree
to send the rest of our army.Copy !req
521. Gentlemen, our only hope
for survival is to surrender...Copy !req
522. to Xerxes and beg for his forgiveness.Copy !req
523. Do not be swayed by the words
of this common, pretties...Copy !req
524. with crabs all up in her coochie.Copy !req
525. - Oh, no, you didn't.
- Yes. Yes, I did.Copy !req
526. Queen Margo
unleashed a venomous rage...Copy !req
527. much like Tobey Maguire
in Spider-Man 3.Copy !req
528. I'm evil.Copy !req
529. Made of sand.Copy !req
530. Oh, no.Copy !req
531. Oh, cute.Copy !req
532. Gross.Copy !req
533. What is it?Copy !req
534. Oh, God! How horrible.Copy !req
535. - How do you like me now, Sandman?
- Oh, no.Copy !req
536. Dust-busting bitch, no!Copy !req
537. No!Copy !req
538. Well, tickle my nipples with a feather.
Xerxes is in Traitoro's top five.Copy !req
539. Grumble, grumble, grumble.Copy !req
540. Traitoro was a traitor?Copy !req
541. All in favor of sending more troops,
say aye!Copy !req
542. Aye! Aye! Aye!Copy !req
543. Spartans!Copy !req
544. We have you surrounded.
Lay down your weapons.Copy !req
545. Come and get them!Copy !req
546. Formation!Copy !req
547. A Spartan always protects
another man's rear.Copy !req
548. Adjust your sword, boy.
It's digging into my back.Copy !req
549. But I'm not wearing my sword.Copy !req
550. - Carry on, then.
- My son.Copy !req
551. - Today, you are truly a Spartan.
- Thanks, Father.Copy !req
552. Attack!Copy !req
553. Steady, Spartans!Copy !req
554. Remember this day, boys!Copy !req
555. For today is the day you die!Copy !req
556. - What?
- What?Copy !req
557. - What?
- I mean, they die.Copy !req
558. "Today's the day they die,"
that's what I meant to say.Copy !req
559. Go!Copy !req
560. Oh, what a bunch of dumbshits.Copy !req
561. - God, that smarts!
- I am gonna go Hercules on your ass!Copy !req
562. Ghost Rider.Copy !req
563. You're going to hell.Copy !req
564. Stop, drop and roll!
Stop, drop and roll!Copy !req
565. Yo!Copy !req
566. No!Copy !req
567. Yo, Sonio.Copy !req
568. - I'm gonna knock your block off.
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
569. Sonio!Copy !req
570. - You'll pay for this, Balboa.
- Go for it.Copy !req
571. Adult diapers?Copy !req
572. Botox overdose.Copy !req
573. Yes!Copy !req
574. Yeah!Copy !req
575. Yeah!Copy !req
576. Yes!Copy !req
577. Xerxes!Copy !req
578. It's a beautiful death.Copy !req
579. It's actually not that attractive.Copy !req
580. Shit!Copy !req
581. Enough of this
gratuitous video-game violence!Copy !req
582. The Transformer cube.Copy !req
583. Okay, baby, let's transform.Copy !req
584. I am Xerxestron...Copy !req
585. equipped with advanced
alien technology.Copy !req
586. Leave Britney alone!Copy !req
587. He is a god-king.Copy !req
588. Please.Copy !req
589. Leave her alone!Copy !req
590. She's a human!Copy !req
591. Oh, ain't that a bitch.Copy !req
592. Leonidas was true to his word,
a god-king did fall.Copy !req
593. But unfortunately, right on them.Copy !req
594. I— I— I just...Copy !req
595. - Queen Margo.
- Yeah.Copy !req
596. Leonidas and the Spartans
died for honor...Copy !req
597. for glory.Copy !req
598. They died a beautiful death.Copy !req
599. Today, we stand against
30,000 Persians.Copy !req
600. But we now have 100,000 soldiers!Copy !req
601. To victory!Copy !req
602. Follow me, boys.Copy !req
603. And thus Dilio blindly led
the Spartans away from the Persians...Copy !req
604. to Malibu...Copy !req
605. just as Lindsay Lohan
was leaving rehab again.Copy !req
606. What's up, dog?Copy !req
607. It's Britney, bitch.Copy !req
608. Like this.Copy !req
609. That's right, dog!Copy !req
610. As the Spartans kicked major ass, even
Leonidas believed victory was theirs.Copy !req
611. Victory is ours, boys.Copy !req
612. Let's celebrate.Copy !req
613. For tonight we dine...Copy !req
614. at Hooters!Copy !req
615. Eat from them everything...Copy !req
616. and tip them nothing!Copy !req
617. It's two for Tuesday.Copy !req
618. Oh, isn't that sweet?Copy !req
619. That's my boy.Copy !req
620. Where do you think you're going?
You little pussy.Copy !req
621. No! No!Copy !req
622. That's it. Yay!Copy !req
623. If you can dodge a golf ball,
you can dodge a sword.Copy !req
624. You missed.Copy !req
625. He can outflank us now, my king.Copy !req
626. Men!Copy !req
627. We are facing certain death.Copy !req
628. Cherries.Copy !req
629. But...Copy !req
630. the joke's on them, because they
don't know that dying in battle...Copy !req
631. is the greatest honor for any Spartan!Copy !req
632. God, that's a shitty plan.Copy !req
633. Look, Leonidas...Copy !req
634. war is not the answer.Copy !req
635. Trust me, I know.Copy !req
636. No, war is the answer.Copy !req
637. Where am I?Copy !req
638. Spidey, you're fired.Copy !req
639. Hi. How are you, Leonidas? Ellen.Copy !req
640. Don't know why you're upset. You look
great. The cape is great. Love the diaper.Copy !req
641. I wear something very similar for
Portia on Friday nights. We get frisky.Copy !req
642. Hello, Leonidas.Copy !req
643. Is it hot in here?Copy !req
644. Okay, Portia, Portia.
Women, women, women.Copy !req
645. Women. You like women.Copy !req
646. I can see by your reaction
you're not amused.Copy !req
647. It's the same reaction anyone
who went to see Mr. Wrong had.Copy !req
648. Let's play a game.
Maybe we could play a game.Copy !req
649. How about "Who sneezed?"
We close our eyes...Copy !req
650. someone sneezes and you guess who.Copy !req
651. If it was you, you win,
because you know.Copy !req
652. Listen. Chill out.
Let's just dance, shall we? Come on.Copy !req
653. That's right.Copy !req
654. Oh, boy. Okay.Copy !req
655. There you go. You're getting it.
Back and forth.Copy !req
656. No, I can't do this.Copy !req
657. Your mama's so ugly,
if she was in the Spice Girls...Copy !req
658. her name would be Dookie Spice.Copy !req
659. Leonidas.Copy !req
660. You should try Scientology.Copy !req
661. I'm gonna set Katie free.Copy !req
662. - Yes!
- Yes!Copy !req
663. I had to buy a million and one
glitters with my own money—Copy !req
664. I put them on by hand, Simon.Copy !req
665. And my reputation is all I have.Copy !req
666. And for you to sit here telling me
that I'm not "intellident"-- Inte—Copy !req
667. That I'm not intenni—Copy !req
668. - Let me start over.
- Intelligent.Copy !req
669. I love everyone.Copy !req
670. Don't you hate
being on an airplane...Copy !req
671. and the captain's like, "If you
look left, you'll see another plane?"Copy !req
672. Am I right? Know what I'm
talking about? Another plane?Copy !req
673. Don't you hate being in
the supermarket in Aisle 3?Copy !req
674. They're like, "Clean up in Aisle 3."Copy !req
675. And you're like, "What am I
doing here? I'm in Aisle 3." Right?Copy !req
676. You're all my fans? You love me?
Who saw Employee of the Month?Copy !req
677. Okay, that's cool. Right?Copy !req
678. Yo, what's up, Leonidas?
Superfingers to you.Copy !req
679. No.Copy !req
680. Superfingers to you, Dane Cook.Copy !req
681. This is a metaphor for my career.Copy !req
682. You're off my MySpace page.
I'm really 42...Copy !req
683. Sorry, I didn't hear what you said. I can't
understand because you talk like this.Copy !req
684. Your mama's such an old, sloppy drunk,
I thought she was David Hasselhoff.Copy !req
685. From Knight Rider?Copy !req
686. Dineleedas. Do that— Dingleidas.
Dingladick. Dingle-dangle.Copy !req
687. Do leg squats and then you
will be a star. You will be a star!Copy !req
688. The last episode of Sopranos
was most disappointing.Copy !req
689. I mean, did Tony
get whacked or live or what?Copy !req
690. What happens in Vegas,
stays in Vegas.Copy !req
691. You just— You keep...Copy !req
692. doing the thing you do because...Copy !req
693. the do is the thing you do.Copy !req
694. When you're pushed,
killing's as easy as dancing.Copy !req