1. Make sure
I'm in the frame.Copy !req
2. Make sure you get my head.
I want to see my hair.Copy !req
3. All right, all right.
Janis, hurry up!Copy !req
4. It's not easy
making a movie.Copy !req
5. You better not
drop my phone.Copy !req
6. You got it?Copy !req
7. Yep. Yep. Yep.
Okay, here we go.Copy !req
8. Hey... Oh, Lord.
Shit.Copy !req
9. We're Cloverfielding.
Pick it up.Copy !req
10. Give me a minute.
Make sure
I'm in the frame, girl.Copy !req
11. Give me a minute!
Am I in the frame?Copy !req
12. I'm in there?
Yes.Copy !req
13. Get me in the frame?
Yeah.Copy !req
14. You got my head in there?
Yeah.Copy !req
15. Boom, let's go.Copy !req
16. No one died.Copy !req
17. Spin. Clicker. Fosse!Copy !req
18. Truth.Copy !req
19. Cady?Copy !req
20. I've been thinking
about what you said.Copy !req
21. About being frustrated
by my decisionCopy !req
22. and feeling
a little stuck here,Copy !req
23. just me and you.Copy !req
24. I'm sorry I yelled.Copy !req
25. But you have a point.Copy !req
26. Maybe I've been
a little selfish,Copy !req
27. putting my research aheadCopy !req
28. of your social
and emotional development.Copy !req
29. I called the people
from Northwestern back.Copy !req
30. I took the job.Copy !req
31. What?Copy !req
32. But they need me
to start on September 9th.Copy !req
33. I'll pick you up at 3:00.Copy !req
34. Bitch, move.Copy !req
35. Hope you all
had a good summer.Copy !req
36. Mine was pretty good.Copy !req
37. I worked
in my brother-in-law'sCopy !req
38. golf pro shop.Copy !req
39. Did not make a lot of money,
so of course I am backCopy !req
40. to help shepherd you all
into the future.Copy !req
41. May I have everyone's
attention, please?Copy !req
42. Eyes to the front of the room.Copy !req
43. You may notice
we have a new student
joining us today.Copy !req
44. She just moved here
from Kentucky.Copy !req
45. Kenya.Copy !req
46. Kenya. Her name is Caddy.Copy !req
47. It's Cady. Cady Heron.Copy !req
48. My apologies.
I will commit that to memory.Copy !req
49. Cady, like the Canadian
songstress k.d. lang,Copy !req
50. and Heron,
like the illegal street drug.Copy !req
51. Thank you, Caddy.
It's Cady.Copy !req
52. Cady, hi. I'm Ms. Norbury.
I'll be your homeroom teacher.Copy !req
53. This is your roster.Copy !req
54. I see I also have you
for A.P. Calculus.Copy !req
55. You must have had excellent
teachers at your old school.Copy !req
56. Oh, I was homeschooled.
Homeschooled?Copy !req
57. Oh, that's a fun way
to take jobs from my union.Copy !req
58. No, I'm joking. It's fine.
Ah.Copy !req
59. Um, do you think you can
follow this schedule?Copy !req
60. Yeah, I think so.
Okay, you're gonna be movingCopy !req
61. from class to class
with each...Copy !req
62. That's it.Copy !req
63. Everybody find a seat.Copy !req
64. Please.Copy !req
65. This is first period:Copy !req
66. American Literature.Copy !req
67. "... care of myself"?Copy !req
68. "Crap."
Correct answer was "crap."Copy !req
69. Find a seat.Copy !req
70. I don't want you
to think of meCopy !req
71. as just any other teacher.Copy !req
72. I prefer to think of myselfCopy !req
73. as a time traveler.Copy !req
74. Maintenant nous choisissons
nos noms français.Copy !req
75. Cady. Comment tu t'appelles?Copy !req
76. Je m'appelle Cady.
Incorrecte!Copy !req
77. You have to pick
a French name.Copy !req
78. All the French people I knowCopy !req
79. just call me Cady.Copy !req
80. Just say Marie.Copy !req
81. Um... Marie?Copy !req
82. Marie.Copy !req
83. J'anice.
J'anice.Copy !req
84. Chanel.
Non.Copy !req
85. Fantine.
Non.Copy !req
86. Celine Dion?Copy !req
87. Non.Copy !req
88. Beyoncé.Copy !req
89. Quais. Mais non.Copy !req
90. Welcome to "Health
and Human Sexuality."Copy !req
91. Now, this fall
we'll be gettingCopy !req
92. into the state-mandated unit
on Abstinence.Copy !req
93. Of course then followed by,
in the spring,Copy !req
94. Condoms and Choking.Copy !req
95. Where do you think
you're going there, hotshot?Copy !req
96. I need to urinate.Copy !req
97. No way, José.Copy !req
98. Uh, it's Cady.Copy !req
99. Well, Cady,Copy !req
100. first thing you need to do
is ask permission.Copy !req
101. But the second thing
you'll needCopy !req
102. is this lavatory passCopy !req
103. that is shaped
like a sperm whale.Copy !req
104. Get it?Copy !req
105. Um...Copy !req
106. May I please have
the lavatory pass?Copy !req
107. No, you may not.
You may go sit back down.Copy !req
108. You can go at lunch.
Nice try, kiddo.Copy !req
109. All right,
let's jump into this!Copy !req
110. This won't be awkward at all,
I swear to God.Copy !req
111. This one.Copy !req
112. Are you okay in there?Copy !req
113. Uh, yes.Copy !req
114. 'Cause you've been in there
a very long time.Copy !req
115. We're concerned
you're either doing drugsCopy !req
116. or having a toilet baby.Copy !req
117. Hi. I'm Janis.Copy !req
118. And je m'appelle Sasha Fierce.Copy !req
119. This is Damian.Copy !req
120. He is almost too gay
to function.Copy !req
121. But I push through.
I manage.Copy !req
122. Hi.Copy !req
123. We've been
watching you all day.Copy !req
124. You're a mess.Copy !req
125. So we volunteer to amplify
your lunch experience.Copy !req
126. Yeah, what Damian is saying is
we will help you, Caddy.Copy !req
127. Thanks so much.
Um... it's Cady.Copy !req
128. Yeah.
I'm gonna call you Caddy.Copy !req
129. Get out of the toilet!Copy !req
130. Mkay.Copy !req
131. You just need to find
your clique and commit to it.Copy !req
132. You have your Jocks.Copy !req
133. Your Corny Horny Band Freaks.Copy !req
134. Your Classic Burnouts.Copy !req
135. Do any of these feel
like your people?Copy !req
136. I don't think so.
Hmm...Copy !req
137. You know what might
be cute for her?Copy !req
138. What, Grade Grubbers?Copy !req
139. No, I was gonna say
Theater Mess.Copy !req
140. And who's at that table?Copy !req
141. Oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
142. We call them the PlasticsCopy !req
143. 'cause they're shiny,
fake and hard.Copy !req
144. Yeah, that's Gretchen Wieners.Copy !req
145. She knows everything
about everybody.Copy !req
146. That's why
her hair's so big.Copy !req
147. It's full of secrets.Copy !req
148. And that's Karen Shetty.Copy !req
149. She's the dumbest person
you'll ever meet.Copy !req
150. I once saw her put a D
in the word "orange."Copy !req
151. Could I just sit
with you guys?Copy !req
152. I actually don't know.Copy !req
153. We've never been asked
that question before.Copy !req
154. Could she?Copy !req
155. We are very exclusive,Copy !req
156. but I think we can make
an exception.Copy !req
157. What was that?
Oh, Lord, it's the Queen Bee.
Don't look her in the eye!Copy !req
158. You.Copy !req
159. Yeah, you. Come here.Copy !req
160. Why don't I know you?Copy !req
161. I'm new. I just moved here
from Kenya.Copy !req
162. Shut up.Copy !req
163. Shut up!Copy !req
164. I didn't say anything.Copy !req
165. You're, like, really pretty.Copy !req
166. Thanks.
So you agree?Copy !req
167. You think
you're really pretty?Copy !req
168. Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
169. You're an international
student. That is so fetch.Copy !req
170. What is "fetch"?Copy !req
171. It's like slang
from an old movie.Copy !req
172. Juno, I think.Copy !req
173. Have you ever touched a tiger?Copy !req
174. Uh, no, those aren't
indigenous to Kenya.Copy !req
175. 'Cause that's one
of my life goals.Copy !req
176. To not touch a tiger.Copy !req
177. Hey, new girl!
You want to see a trick?Copy !req
178. I can guess
any girl's bra size.Copy !req
179. All you got to do
is jump one time.Copy !req
180. Ew, Jason!
Do me.Copy !req
181. Oh, my God, Jason.Copy !req
182. You do not come to a party
at my house with GretchenCopy !req
183. and then skeeze on the new girl
right in front of me.Copy !req
184. Do you want to have sex
with him?Copy !req
185. Oh, uh... no, thank you.Copy !req
186. Okay, then it's settled.Copy !req
187. Jason, no one thinks
you're funny.Copy !req
188. Okay? And this thing
you're doingCopy !req
189. where you lower your voice
when you talkCopy !req
190. is making people really sad.Copy !req
191. Excuse me, anyone
who would like Jason WeemsCopy !req
192. to go back
to his normal speaking voice,Copy !req
193. please raise your hand.Copy !req
194. Yeah.Copy !req
195. Bitch.Copy !req
196. Wow.Copy !req
197. You're really gonna
get noticed around here.Copy !req
198. We should help you.Copy !req
199. Can you give us some privacy
for a sec?Copy !req
200. Oh. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
201. I have your lunch!Copy !req
202. All right.Copy !req
203. So, we never really
do this, but...Copy !req
204. you're invited
to eat lunch with usCopy !req
205. for the rest of the week.
Oh. Um...Copy !req
206. That's okay.
On Wednesdays,
we wear pink.Copy !req
207. They want me to have lunch
with them all week.Copy !req
208. That is tits!Copy !req
209. She means "that's great."Copy !req
210. I don't really get why
you guys hate them so much.Copy !req
211. Regina seems kind of cool.
No, no...Copy !req
212. Regina George is not cool.Copy !req
213. She's a scum-sucking
life ruiner.Copy !req
214. Janis hates Regina
because when we were
in sixth grade,Copy !req
215. she told everybody
that she was—
Hey, Damian!Copy !req
216. What?Copy !req
217. Shall we not?Copy !req
218. I am providing context.Copy !req
219. Caddy?Copy !req
220. You should have lunch
with themCopy !req
221. and then report back
and tell usCopy !req
222. every stupid, moronic thing
they said.Copy !req
223. Spy on them? That's bad.Copy !req
224. No! Look at us.Copy !req
225. Would we ever ask you
to do something bad?Copy !req
226. Uh...Copy !req
227. Okay.
Yes!Copy !req
228. Do you have a pink shirt
I can borrow?Copy !req
229. No!
Yes! What shade?Copy !req
230. Welcome to A.P. Calculus.Copy !req
231. Congratulations.
You know more math
than 85% of Americans.Copy !req
232. But you will not rest
on your laurels this year.Copy !req
233. I plan to push you.Copy !req
234. So let's get started.Copy !req
235. Chapter One, "Limits
and Their Properties."Copy !req
236. What the heck are limits,
you say?Copy !req
237. If I write out the equation,Copy !req
238. "The limit as x approaches two
of,"Copy !req
239. the function is what
we're taking the limit of.Copy !req
240. I don't expect you to know
how to do this yet.Copy !req
241. The limit equals three.Copy !req
242. That's right.Copy !req
243. Let's try another one.Copy !req
244. Find the value of kCopy !req
245. for which the following
limit exists.Copy !req
246. K equals negative three.
Damn, girl!Copy !req
247. Wow.Copy !req
248. Are you trying to make
the rest of us feel dumb?Copy !req
249. No, I... I'm not trying to.
It's just, uh, happening.Copy !req
250. Oh, okay, it's like that.
All right, um, well...Copy !req
251. challenge accepted.Copy !req
252. I'm okay.Copy !req
253. Mom, you can't
pick me up like this.Copy !req
254. It's embarrassing.Copy !req
255. You can't wear a tank top
two days in a rowCopy !req
256. and you can
only wear your hair
in a ponytail once a week.Copy !req
257. So I guess
you've chosen today.Copy !req
258. Oh! And we only wear sweats
or track pants on Fridays.Copy !req
259. If you break any
of these rules,Copy !req
260. you can't sit with us.Copy !req
261. I mean, not just you,
like, any of us.Copy !req
262. Like if I wore sweatpants today,Copy !req
263. I'd have to
go sit over there...Copy !req
264. with the Art Freaks.Copy !req
265. That seems fair.Copy !req
266. 120 calories
and 48 calories from fat.Copy !req
267. What percent is that?Copy !req
268. Um, 48 into 120?Copy !req
269. There's no way of knowing.Copy !req
270. It's 40%.Copy !req
271. 42 over 120Copy !req
272. equals x over 100,
and then you cross-multiplyCopy !req
273. to get the value of x.Copy !req
274. Hmm.Copy !req
275. Whatever.
Um, I'm getting cheese fries.Copy !req
276. So, have you seen any guys
you think are cute yet?Copy !req
277. Oh, um, well, actually,
there's this one guy
in my Calculus class.Copy !req
278. Ooh, a senior! Who is it?
Uh, Aaron Samuels.Copy !req
279. You can't like Aaron Samuels!
That is Regina's ex-boyfriend!
No. No. Bad. Bad. Danger.Copy !req
280. Wait. I thought she
dumped him for Shane Oman.Copy !req
281. Irregardless!Copy !req
282. Ex-boyfriends are
off-limits for friends.Copy !req
283. That's just, like,
the rules of feminism!Copy !req
284. Don't worry.Copy !req
285. I will never tell Regina
what you said.Copy !req
286. I am very trustworthy.Copy !req
287. Karen's had sex with 11 people
and I've never told anyone.Copy !req
288. Yo, Golf Bird.Copy !req
289. Those fractions were tight.
What?Copy !req
290. "Caddy Heron."Golf Bird."Copy !req
291. I don't like it.
I don't get it.Copy !req
292. I'm Kevin Ganatra.
I'm from your Calc class.Copy !req
293. I sit diagonally from you.Copy !req
294. I'm also captain
of the North Shore Mathletes.Copy !req
295. We're a very chill, dope,
extracurricular option.Copy !req
296. You know,
serve your college rezzyCopy !req
297. and your thirst for knolly.
Don't say "knolly."Copy !req
298. Also Ms. Norbury says
we get twice as much fundingCopy !req
299. if we had a girl on the team,
so think about joining,Copy !req
300. because we'd love
to get jackets.Copy !req
301. Okay, yeah, sure.
Where do I...Copy !req
302. No, no,
you cannot join Mathletes.Copy !req
303. That is, like,
socially ruinous!Copy !req
304. Ew, no.
Why is he by our table?Copy !req
305. I can hear you, by the way.Copy !req
306. Can you hear me now?Copy !req
307. Bye.Copy !req
308. Uh, anyways,
uh, just take my card
in case you change your mind?Copy !req
309. God, you are so lucky
you have us to guide you.Copy !req
310. What are you doing
after school today?Copy !req
311. I want to give you some shoes.Copy !req
312. What kind of shoes?Copy !req
313. I have no idea. I guess, um,
something fancier than these?Copy !req
314. She's so rude!Copy !req
315. I mean, maybe
she's just being generous.Copy !req
316. Maybe we can have
a commensal relationship.Copy !req
317. What is that? I want one.Copy !req
318. So, in nature,
okay, so lions,Copy !req
319. they're the apex predators, right?Copy !req
320. They're the top
of the food chain.Copy !req
321. They can kill anything
they want.Copy !req
322. But if you're a hyena, well,Copy !req
323. then you follow them around
and you eat the carcasses
that they leave behind.Copy !req
324. Whoa.
Gretchen Wieners is a hyena.Copy !req
325. Got it.Copy !req
326. No, I did not say that.Copy !req
327. I'm just saying, if you're
on Regina's good side...Copy !req
328. Whoa, Caddy! No, no, no.Copy !req
329. Regina George does not have
a good side, okay?Copy !req
330. If you go over
to her house today...Copy !req
331. I am not joking,Copy !req
332. be careful.Copy !req
333. Jason is crotch-sitting
Taylor Wedell.Copy !req
334. Absolutely not.Copy !req
335. Do you think she'll be mad
if I like Aaron?Copy !req
336. Samuels? Are you unwell?
You can't like
Aaron Samuels!Copy !req
337. Okay, okay!Copy !req
338. I'll be careful. I promise.Copy !req
339. Get in, loser.Copy !req
340. You guys! Hey...Copy !req
341. Happy hump day, besties!Copy !req
342. Hi, Mrs. George.Copy !req
343. This is Cady.Copy !req
344. I just moved here.
From Kenya.Copy !req
345. Welcome, Cady from Kenya.Copy !req
346. We haven't had any new meat
in our little lady taco
in so long.Copy !req
347. Mom, go make snacks.Copy !req
348. For sure.
For sure, Regina, yeah.Copy !req
349. Thank you so much,
Mrs. George.Copy !req
350. You have a beautiful mansion.Copy !req
351. Just slay, queens.
Slay like no one's watching.Copy !req
352. But everybody's watching.
Because you're gorgeous!Copy !req
353. Wow, your room is really nice.Copy !req
354. Thanks.
It used to be my parents',
but I made them trade me.Copy !req
355. Cady! I made you
a Spotify playlistCopy !req
356. to help you catch up
on culture.Copy !req
357. Karen, come here.
I want to fix your eyebrows.Copy !req
358. Can I still have two?Copy !req
359. Gretchen, move.
Sorry.Copy !req
360. God, my hips are so wide.Copy !req
361. God, my pores are huge!Copy !req
362. I want skin like Cady's.Copy !req
363. My B.O. smells like crayons.Copy !req
364. Um, me, too! I'm ugly, too.Copy !req
365. Oh, my God, I love her.
She's like a Martian.Copy !req
366. Who's hungry?Copy !req
367. Now, Cady,Copy !req
368. this is a very American snack
called guac.Copy !req
369. Is it okay or are you vegan?Copy !req
370. Oh, no, I'm an omnivore.Copy !req
371. Yum-yum-yum. Okay, come here!Copy !req
372. I need you
to tell me everything.Copy !req
373. Have you seen any boys
that you think are cute yet?Copy !req
374. Oh. Uh, well, I...Copy !req
375. No.Copy !req
376. Well, don't worry.
It's just a matter of time.Copy !req
377. You know, I always say
that this school district
has the highest taxes,Copy !req
378. but the hottest boys.
That's disgusting.Copy !req
379. Oh, Regina!
You're never gonna believe
what I foundCopy !req
380. in your closet this morning.Copy !req
381. Why were you in my closet?Copy !req
382. Because I'm doing
that Japanese organizing thingCopy !req
383. where you take a little nap
in the closet.Copy !req
384. I found your Burn Book!Copy !req
385. Cady, this is just, like,
the funniest thingCopy !req
386. that the girls used to do.Copy !req
387. Please leave.
You got it, baby.Copy !req
388. But, girls, I'm gonna be
right downstairsCopy !req
389. if you need to talk to me
about anything.Copy !req
390. I mean it. Deep stuff
or boy troubles or blackheadsCopy !req
391. or alcohol poisoning.Copy !req
392. You know, I have
been through it all.Copy !req
393. Honey, I am not a regular mom.Copy !req
394. I'm @coolmom with six O's.Copy !req
395. Hashtag AgingHotly. Hashtag...Copy !req
396. Get out.
Okay.Copy !req
397. Girls, just have so much fun.Copy !req
398. Remember,
these are the best days
of your life.Copy !req
399. It does not get better.Copy !req
400. I remember this.
It was the week they took
all of our phones away.Copy !req
401. "Trang Pham is
a grotsky little byotch."Copy !req
402. Still true.Copy !req
403. "Dawn Schweitzer
is a horny shrimp."Copy !req
404. Well, she's taller now.Copy !req
405. Oh, my God.
"Janis 'Imi'ike, Pyro-Lez."Copy !req
406. I forgot about that.Copy !req
407. Oh, my God, she is so weird.Copy !req
408. She is? She's in my homeroom.Copy !req
409. Oh, well, watch out,
'cause she's violent.Copy !req
410. Yeah, people think
she's really good at art,Copy !req
411. but it's just 'cause
she had to do art therapy.Copy !req
412. Yeah, Regina tried
to be friends with her
in middle school.Copy !req
413. Oh, my God,
she was obsessed with me.Copy !req
414. And then when I got
my first boyfriend, Kyle,Copy !req
415. she lit my backpack on fire.Copy !req
416. Who's that?Copy !req
417. Mmm...
That's that kid Damian.Copy !req
418. Oh, yeah, he's almost too gay
to function.Copy !req
419. No, I didn't... I didn't
mean that in a bad way.Copy !req
420. No, that's funny.
Put that in there.Copy !req
421. Um...Copy !req
422. No, I don't...
Oh! No, no.Copy !req
423. Don't worry, Cady,
we only write stuff
about randos in here.Copy !req
424. Friends are, like,
very deserving of respect.Copy !req
425. Gretchen... she gets it.Copy !req
426. Go find the shoes.Copy !req
427. The shoes we're giving
to Cady.Copy !req
428. Oh, my God, you are literally
being so annoying.Copy !req
429. Sorry.Copy !req
430. Are you okay?Copy !req
431. No... uh, totally.Copy !req
432. Regina's just joking.Copy !req
433. These are cute. Try 'em.Copy !req
434. Once I processed that Regina's
love language is anger,Copy !req
435. it's been much...Copy !req
436. Aw.Copy !req
437. It's the music box
I gave Regina
that my abuelito gave me.Copy !req
438. Gretchen!Copy !req
439. What are you doing in there?Copy !req
440. I'm... I'm gonna go.Copy !req
441. Yep. Be right there!Copy !req
442. They have this book,
this "Burn Book,"Copy !req
443. where they write mean things
about girls in our grade.Copy !req
444. Ooh, ooh! What does
it say about me?Copy !req
445. Um... you're not in it.Copy !req
446. Those bitches!Copy !req
447. What is this, by the way?
It's terrible.Copy !req
448. Oh, it's a Kälteen bar.Copy !req
449. Here, my mom used to give them
to elderly people in KapedoCopy !req
450. to help them
gain weight.
Mmm.Copy !req
451. I can feel it working.Copy !req
452. We should, like, crush this up
and put it in Regina's food!Copy !req
453. What?
Oh.Copy !req
454. No. No, no.Copy !req
455. I will keep having
lunch with them, that's it.Copy !req
456. Also, we feel bad
we yelled at youCopy !req
457. about liking Aaron.Copy !req
458. You should go
for what you want.Copy !req
459. Hetero allyship.
Oh, okay.Copy !req
460. It's so dumb. I only
ever see him in Calc anyway.Copy !req
461. Oh. You're definitely
safe in Calc.Copy !req
462. Regina will never set foot
in there.Copy !req
463. New shoes?
Uh, yeah.Copy !req
464. Regina gave them to me.Copy !req
465. Huh. I didn't know
you guys were friends.Copy !req
466. Okay, let's get back into it.Copy !req
467. Continuity.
Removable discont...Copy !req
468. Cady? Eyes up front, please.Copy !req
469. Let's get back
into where we were Thursday.Copy !req
470. Who was awake Thursday?
Who was still awake?Copy !req
471. I like your jacket.Copy !req
472. Thanks, I made it.Copy !req
473. But why do you sew
on top of your drawings?Copy !req
474. It's... like the drawings
are factsCopy !req
475. and the threads are feelings.Copy !req
476. It's so cool.Copy !req
477. So, you talk to your man yet?Copy !req
478. I mean, I don't even
know what to say to him.Copy !req
479. I always come off sounding
like a lunatic.Copy !req
480. Do you like gum?
Sure.Copy !req
481. Oh, I don't have any.
I was just...Copy !req
482. Oh.Copy !req
483. What?
Why did you say that?Copy !req
484. Maybe just try to have
one successful interaction
per day?Copy !req
485. I like your shirt.
Thanks.Copy !req
486. It smells like sausage
from the last time I wore it.Copy !req
487. Dear God, woman.Copy !req
488. Have you successfully been
a functioning human being
even once?Copy !req
489. On October 3rd,
he asked me what day it was.Copy !req
490. What day is it?
It's October 3rd.Copy !req
491. That was two weeks ago.Copy !req
492. But today I kind of...Copy !req
493. I don't know,
I tried somethingCopy !req
494. and it just came to me
instinctively.Copy !req
495. I said I was lost.Copy !req
496. I'm totally lost.
Can you help me?Copy !req
497. But I wasn't lost.Copy !req
498. I knew exactly what
Ms. Norbury was talking about.Copy !req
499. It's the derivative
of the natural log function.Copy !req
500. You just take the reciprocal
of the In.Copy !req
501. Thanks.Copy !req
502. You're so smart.Copy !req
503. He was wrong.Copy !req
504. Wait, wait. Hold up.Copy !req
505. Guys, pause!
Oh.Copy !req
506. You pretended to be dumbCopy !req
507. so you could keep talking
to a guy?Copy !req
508. Uh... Yeah. It worked.Copy !req
509. 'Cause that shit
always works, Caddy.Copy !req
510. It doesn't mean
that it's not evil.Copy !req
511. Fracking "works."
Red-lining "works."Copy !req
512. Gasoline and rags...Copy !req
513. Aren't you worried
Regina will eat your face
if she finds out?Copy !req
514. No, she won't find out.Copy !req
515. It's just my little
Calculus class secret.Copy !req
516. Oh, um...Copy !req
517. So its h prime of x
equals five.Copy !req
518. You just forgot
the Product Rule.Copy !req
519. I don't get any of this.Copy !req
520. Nice job, Cady.Copy !req
521. It sure seems like you get it.Copy !req
522. Hey, my friend Chris is, uh,
having a Halloween party.Copy !req
523. Would you want
to come to that?Copy !req
524. It's like a costume party.
People get pretty into it.Copy !req
525. Grool.Copy !req
526. I meant to say "great," and
then I started to say "cool."Copy !req
527. Okay.Copy !req
528. Grool.Copy !req
529. Hi.Copy !req
530. Wait, let me start over.Copy !req
531. Hi.Copy !req
532. Wait. Mama,
use the back camera.Copy !req
533. It's prettier 'cause science.Copy !req
534. I give you sexy corn.Copy !req
535. Why are you dressed so scary?Copy !req
536. It's Halloween.Copy !req
537. Cady,
if you don't dress slutty,Copy !req
538. that is slut-shaming us.Copy !req
539. Um, it's just,
like, traditionally,Copy !req
540. girls had to be witches
or clownsCopy !req
541. and we've worked really hard
to progress past that.Copy !req
542. That makes sense.Copy !req
543. I'm gonna go find Aaron.Copy !req
544. Okay.Copy !req
545. That's not right,
is it?
No.Copy !req
546. I can sexy cure some cancer?Copy !req
547. No.Copy !req
548. I can cure sex cancer!Copy !req
549. Sex cancer doesn't exist.Copy !req
550. I did it.Copy !req
551. Dance break.Copy !req
552. I'm a sexy mouse. Duh!Copy !req
553. Hey.
Hi.Copy !req
554. Cady!Copy !req
555. Hi!Copy !req
556. Ow.
Hey.Copy !req
557. I like your costume.Copy !req
558. Different
from everyone else's.Copy !req
559. I didn't know
I was supposed to...Copy !req
560. I'm such a weird
foreign loser.Copy !req
561. No. It's great.Copy !req
562. You want a drink?Copy !req
563. Thanks.
Uh, do they have juice?Copy !req
564. I can check. Wait here.Copy !req
565. I think you and Aaron
would be a really cute couple.Copy !req
566. Really?
Yeah.Copy !req
567. I just said so.
Don't be thirsty.Copy !req
568. You know, I could talk
to him for you. If you want.Copy !req
569. See if he likes you back.Copy !req
570. You would do that for me?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
571. Trust me. I know exactly
how to play it.Copy !req
572. I need to talk to you.
Me?Copy !req
573. I thought you were done
talking to meCopy !req
574. when you started talking
to Shane last summer.Copy !req
575. Shut up. 'Cause you know
that homeschooled girl, Cady?Copy !req
576. Yeah, I invited her tonight.Copy !req
577. Yeah, well, be careful.Copy !req
578. 'Cause she has
a huge crush on you.Copy !req
579. Really?Copy !req
580. Don't be gross.Copy !req
581. She's my friend and...Copy !req
582. she's, like, really
inexperienced and, um...Copy !req
583. Wow, sorry.Copy !req
584. I didn't think this
would be so hard for me.Copy !req
585. What?Copy !req
586. I don't know,
I guess I just...Copy !req
587. just have, like, a lot
of, like, unresolved traumaCopy !req
588. from how things ended with us.Copy !req
589. Give me a break.Copy !req
590. Regina.Copy !req
591. Regina.
Leave me alone.Copy !req
592. G, why are you upset?Copy !req
593. Please.Copy !req
594. What do you mean,
please? G!Copy !req
595. She took him back.
She took Aaron back.Copy !req
596. Of course she did.Copy !req
597. It's because Regina's
a life ruiner!Copy !req
598. When we were in sixth grade,
she told everybodyCopy !req
599. that Janis was...
Damian!Copy !req
600. Okay. She does not need
to hear that right now.Copy !req
601. No, I know the story.Copy !req
602. You lit a fire 'cause Regina
got a boyfriend.Copy !req
603. She said what?Copy !req
604. Oh, hell no.Copy !req
605. Damian...
No! The truth
will be told.Copy !req
606. Stay with me, Cady.Copy !req
607. Like all history,
this is emotionally layered
and culturally dense.Copy !req
608. Janis and Regina were
best friends in middle school.Copy !req
609. And at that time, females
expressed their identities
through collectible plushies.Copy !req
610. I don't know what those...Copy !req
611. It's these bastards.
And they were everywhere.Copy !req
612. Regina gave Janis a BFF set
for her birthday.Copy !req
613. Janis put a rainbow patch
on hers.Copy !req
614. This is how she came out
to her friend.Copy !req
615. And Regina put one
on hers, too,Copy !req
616. out of allyship because
she used to be human.Copy !req
617. Cut to eight months later,
Regina becomes obsessed
with this gross boy. Kyle!Copy !req
618. Your scale is
completely off.
Hush!Copy !req
619. One night, they were
all playing spin the bottle...Copy !req
620. And Regina was worried
that Kyle liked Karen more.Copy !req
621. So when she spun
and got Janis,Copy !req
622. Regina put on a little show.Copy !req
623. And Kyle was like "boing"!Copy !req
624. And Regina was like...Copy !req
625. "I knew she would let me!Copy !req
626. She's, like,
obsessed with me!"Copy !req
627. Not okay.Copy !req
628. Please put this all back
in its box.Copy !req
629. They got into a huge fight.Copy !req
630. Regina started avoiding Janis
at school,Copy !req
631. but did she give back
that plush animal?Copy !req
632. Oh, no.
She took it everywhere.Copy !req
633. She named her "Sissy Liz"
and she made everyone sayCopy !req
634. "good morning" to it
every day,Copy !req
635. and it was very weird
and boring.Copy !req
636. Fast forward.Copy !req
637. One day in Science,Copy !req
638. Regina was making everyone
say hi to Sissy Liz.Copy !req
639. And Janis finally heard it.Copy !req
640. "Sissy Liz" was short
for "Obsessed Lesbian."Copy !req
641. Regina had been making fun
of Janis this entire timeCopy !req
642. and everyone but her knew it.Copy !req
643. So, and this is regrettable...Copy !req
644. Janis took
her Bunsen burner...Copy !req
645. and torched the doll.Copy !req
646. And Regina's backpack
caught on fire a little bitCopy !req
647. and Janis was kicked
out of school
for the remainder of the year.Copy !req
648. And the adults
didn't know why.Copy !req
649. Janis just seemed crazy.Copy !req
650. I'm really sorry
that happened.Copy !req
651. It's worse than my thing.Copy !req
652. Caddy, don't be sorry.Copy !req
653. Now you know Regina George
is not your friend.Copy !req
654. We are your friends.Copy !req
655. And we're gonna
make her pay.Copy !req
656. Caddy, in order
for this to work,Copy !req
657. you need to act
like a huge phony.Copy !req
658. Can you do it?Copy !req
659. I... I think so.Copy !req
660. Practice.Copy !req
661. Regina wanted me to tell you
that she tried
to talk to Aaron,Copy !req
662. but he just wanted her back,
and that's not Regina's fault.Copy !req
663. Of course. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
664. Love ya. See you at lunch.Copy !req
665. Perfect!
On to phase two.Copy !req
666. I end up with Aaron
when she's gone.Copy !req
667. Yes, bitch.Copy !req
668. I think I need a tutor.Copy !req
669. I could tutor you,
if you want.Copy !req
670. What is that?Copy !req
671. Ugh, I'm so fat
and disgusting.Copy !req
672. I'm not having anythingCopy !req
673. but Kälteen bars
until I lose weight.Copy !req
674. Well, I need
to lose three pounds.Copy !req
675. How many calories from fat?Copy !req
676. Zero.Copy !req
677. You cross-multiply x
over a thousandCopy !req
678. and divide it by 0.5
because it's in kilograms.Copy !req
679. Whatever.
Bring me a whole box.Copy !req
680. No, um, bring me two.Copy !req
681. Six weeks and all we've done
is make Regina hotter
and revive the wet look.Copy !req
682. We have to pivot.Copy !req
683. If we can make
Gretchen Wieners think
that Regina is mad at her...Copy !req
684. No, no, no.
Gretchen is fragile.Copy !req
685. Exactly!Copy !req
686. If we crack her open,
maybe she'll spill
something we can use.Copy !req
687. Hey, girl, you sending
any candy canes this year?Copy !req
688. Oh.
I don't send them.
I just get them.Copy !req
689. Um, stop pulling it down.Copy !req
690. Your hair looks so sexy
pushed back.Copy !req
691. Cady, would you
please tell himCopy !req
692. that his hair looks sexy
pushed back?Copy !req
693. Your hair looks sexy
pushed back.Copy !req
694. Oh...Copy !req
695. Thanks.Copy !req
696. I'll, uh, see you in Calc.Copy !req
697. One candy cane, please!Copy !req
698. Ho, ho, ho!Copy !req
699. Candy Cane Gram
for Shane Oman!Copy !req
700. And one for Cady Heron.Copy !req
701. Four for Glenn Cocco?Copy !req
702. You go, Glenn Cocco!Copy !req
703. And... none
for Gretchen Wieners, bye.Copy !req
704. Who sent that?Copy !req
705. Oh, it's from...Copy !req
706. "Thanks for being
such a great best friend."Copy !req
707. Aw.Copy !req
708. Oh.Copy !req
709. Okay.Copy !req
710. If you and Regina are
"best friends" now,Copy !req
711. then you can be in charge of
keeping all her secrets, okay?Copy !req
712. For example, she gave you
those high-heel shoes
just to make fun of youCopy !req
713. because she knew
you wouldn't be able
to walk in them. Sorry!Copy !req
714. Also, she says
she has a nose job,Copy !req
715. but that's just to distract
from the factCopy !req
716. that she had one
of her ears moved!Copy !req
717. Also, she totally cheats
on Aaron.Copy !req
718. Yeah. Every Tuesday,
she says she has College Prep,Copy !req
719. but really she's hooking up
with Shane OmanCopy !req
720. in the third-floor
janitorial closetCopy !req
721. on the bags of sawdust
that they use for barf!Copy !req
722. And I never told anyoneCopy !req
723. because I'm such
a good friend!Copy !req
724. And I'm only telling you
because you're such
a good friend.Copy !req
725. Hey, do you have time to go
over derivatives for a minute?Copy !req
726. Oh, um... no, not today.Copy !req
727. Cady?Copy !req
728. Um...Copy !req
729. You've failed
your last five quizzes.
Is everything okay?Copy !req
730. I'm... I'm sorry.
I'll just try harder.Copy !req
731. Okay, because
if you need extra help,Copy !req
732. there's a Mathletes meeting
starting in a couple minutes.Copy !req
733. I can't. I'm sorry.
I have to go
to my friend Regina's house.Copy !req
734. We're doing a dance
in the talent show.Copy !req
735. "Rockin' Around
the Pole"?
Yeah, how did you know?Copy !req
736. They do it every year.
It's like a...Copy !req
737. Tradition?
Recurring nightmare.Copy !req
738. Okay, I could probably
get Kevin to tutor you.Copy !req
739. Well, Aaron's tutoring me now,
so...Copy !req
740. Oh, he's tutoring you?
Sure, okay, well,Copy !req
741. let Aaron know that the weird
thing with your quizzesCopy !req
742. is that all the work is right
and only the answers are wrong.Copy !req
743. Huh.
Huh.Copy !req
744. Cady, I am not gonna
stop pushing you,
because I'm a pusher.Copy !req
745. And I know you're smarter
than this.Copy !req
746. Maybe I should just push
your seat away from Aaron's.Copy !req
747. Ugh! And she was like,
"I'm a pusher, Cady.
I'm a pusher."Copy !req
748. Wait, what does she even mean,
she's a "pusher"?Copy !req
749. Like a drug pusher?
I don't know.
She's so weird.Copy !req
750. Let it all out, honey.
Put it in the book.Copy !req
751. Look at this thing!Copy !req
752. I can't even see it.
It's sexy,
like a face breast.Copy !req
753. It happens to me, too.
It's just the Kälteen bars
flushing your toxins.Copy !req
754. Huh. Okay.Copy !req
755. Well, this skin stuff
you gave me sucks!Copy !req
756. Where did you get it?Copy !req
757. The Paris airport.Copy !req
758. Oh, "the Paris airport."Copy !req
759. Well, it's garbage.
And so are you.Copy !req
760. She's just grouchy
because Aaron
broke up with her.Copy !req
761. He did?Copy !req
762. Someone told him
about Shane.Copy !req
763. Do you think it was Santa?Copy !req
764. Oh...Copy !req
765. Also,
all that she's been eating
are those Kälteen bars,Copy !req
766. and I don't think she's pooped
in, like, two weeks.Copy !req
767. Uh...Copy !req
768. Hey, G, we've practiced
a bunch with Cady.Copy !req
769. You want to run it once?Copy !req
770. Why? I'm perfect every year.Copy !req
771. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
772. Yeah, but it's,
uh, Cady's first timeCopy !req
773. and there's a bunch
of traffic patterns...Copy !req
774. Stop playing with
that stupid babyish book!Copy !req
775. Uh, that was
Damian Hubbard singing...Copy !req
776. the iCarly theme songCopy !req
777. in French for extra credit.Copy !req
778. Yeah!Copy !req
779. Our next act describes
their musicCopy !req
780. as "Like a sine wave,
they don't stop."Copy !req
781. Please welcome Kevin G
and the Power of Three.Copy !req
782. Uh. Yeah.Copy !req
783. Inappropriate.Copy !req
784. Kevin, we talked about this.Copy !req
785. Well,
happy holidays, everybody.Copy !req
786. Why is this so tight?Copy !req
787. You've had it
since the sixth grade.Copy !req
788. You're probably maturing.Copy !req
789. Um, do you just,
like, want to run it one time
real quick?Copy !req
790. Gretchen,
literally no one cares.Copy !req
791. Mm-hmm. No, totally.Copy !req
792. Um, do you just want
to run the acro?Copy !req
793. Because none of us really does
gymnastics anymoreCopy !req
794. and when we made up this dance,
we all weighed, like, 70 pounds,Copy !req
795. so maybe we should
just make sure everyone's
center of gravity is still...Copy !req
796. Still what?Copy !req
797. Nothing.Copy !req
798. Thank you,
Shelby and Timmy, for tapping.Copy !req
799. Also, if anyone finds
a retainerCopy !req
800. in a bright aqua case,
that is mine.Copy !req
801. Please return it.Copy !req
802. My insurance won't cover
a replacement.Copy !req
803. Karen, I can see your bra.Copy !req
804. It's on purpose.
I'm going for a look.Copy !req
805. Is it "girl
who slept with 11 people"?Copy !req
806. 'Cause you're nailing it.Copy !req
807. I think your top is fetch.
Gretchen!Copy !req
808. Stop trying
to make "fetch" happen.Copy !req
809. It's not going to happen.Copy !req
810. Okay,
please welcome Santa's HelpersCopy !req
811. doing "Rockin'
Around the Pole."Copy !req
812. Thank you, next!Copy !req
813. So, I went
to the Christmas show
and it was a mess, y'all.Copy !req
814. Regina ate total shit.Copy !req
815. I think people saw her nipple.Copy !req
816. It's just unprofessional.Copy !req
817. This was kind of hilarious.Copy !req
818. I've watchedCopy !req
819. this video a thousand times.
Gretchen piledrived Regina.Copy !req
820. Regina really should be
lifting through her glutes.Copy !req
821. Regina challenge!Copy !req
822. You know
what that bitch gets?Copy !req
823. Not my sympathy.Copy !req
824. It's not like
we like Regina anyway.Copy !req
825. She's such a bitch.
She's so spoiled.Copy !req
826. Regina always wanted
to be the center of attention.Copy !req
827. Girl, we all see you.Copy !req
828. Regina got what she deserves.Copy !req
829. But you know, that Cady girl
was kind of cute.Copy !req
830. You know, she stayed,
she waved.Copy !req
831. She ate, like, house down.Copy !req
832. Cady Heron was the only one
that acted normal.Copy !req
833. Oh, yeah.
I think she salvagedCopy !req
834. the worst tradition
of the year.Copy !req
835. Period.
She was... She's kind of hot.Copy !req
836. She might even be hotter
than Regina George.Copy !req
837. No zits. Gum health.
American Eagle.Copy !req
838. Cady doesn't even have
to wear deodorant.Copy !req
839. I'm thinking of going red.Copy !req
840. Okay, so, somebody sent me
this look, and I was like,Copy !req
841. "Hot girls,
we are going back to red!Copy !req
842. Y2K fire-crotch is back!"Copy !req
843. Thank you, Cady Heron.Copy !req
844. Cady was looking good.Copy !req
845. Caddy!Copy !req
846. Did you hear me?Copy !req
847. What?
We did it.Copy !req
848. Regina lost
her hot boyfriend.Copy !req
849. She lost her status
over everyone.Copy !req
850. She popped her blemish
against the stage floor.Copy !req
851. That's rock bottom.Copy !req
852. We can stop. We're even.Copy !req
853. Finally you don't have
to talk to them anymore.Copy !req
854. We can finally
have lunch together tomorrow.Copy !req
855. I'm getting dumplings.Copy !req
856. Unless they have pizza bagels,
then I might get both.Copy !req
857. So good.
I can't.Copy !req
858. I need one more lunch.Copy !req
859. I'm sorry, Regina.
You can't sit with us.Copy !req
860. What?Copy !req
861. You're wearing sweatpants.
It's Thursday.Copy !req
862. Whatever.
Those rules aren't real.Copy !req
863. They were real
that day I wore a vest.Copy !req
864. Yeah, because that vest
was disgusting!Copy !req
865. You can't sit with us!Copy !req
866. These sweatpants
are all that fit me right now.Copy !req
867. What do you think, Cady?Copy !req
868. Sorry, Regina.
Rules are rules.Copy !req
869. Fine.Copy !req
870. Oh.Copy !req
871. Take a picture, losers.
It'll last longer.Copy !req
872. And that...
was the beginning...Copy !req
873. of the...
mother******áCopy !req
874. end.Copy !req
875. Hello,
may I have your attentionCopy !req
876. for this morning's
announcements?Copy !req
877. In honor
of Women's History Month,Copy !req
878. the cafeteria is offering
vegan "Confident Joannes"Copy !req
879. which are Sloppy Joes
made of beans.Copy !req
880. Secondly, we want
to wish good luckCopy !req
881. to junior, Janis 'Imi'ike...Copy !req
882. who is a finalistCopy !req
883. in the Illinois Art Expo
this Saturday.Copy !req
884. Go, Lions! Even for Art.Copy !req
885. Art, art, art!
Next up,Copy !req
886. the Students Activities
Committee voted,Copy !req
887. and the theme for
this year's Spring Fling...Copy !req
888. What's that lip color?
Oh, it's e.l.f. O Face in...Copy !req
889. No, amazing, yeah.Copy !req
890. I was just making sure
your ears still worked.Copy !req
891. And finally, the nominees for
Spring Fling King and QueenCopy !req
892. are as follows:Copy !req
893. For King, Aaron Samuels,Copy !req
894. Christian Wiggins
and Shane Oman.Copy !req
895. And Damian Hubbard. What?Copy !req
896. For Queen...Copy !req
897. Regina George...Copy !req
898. Karen Shetty
and Gretchen Wieners.Copy !req
899. Same old, same old.
And Caddy Heron.Copy !req
900. Wow.Copy !req
901. Wait, my mistake.Copy !req
902. Cady Heron.Copy !req
903. Oh, my God.Copy !req
904. Oh, my God,
so many people are texting me.Copy !req
905. Should I, um, text Aaron
and congratulate him?Copy !req
906. No.Copy !req
907. Hey, do you want a lift
this weekend?Copy !req
908. 'Cause Damian's borrowing
his grandma's Jazzy.Copy !req
909. A lift to what?Copy !req
910. My art show.
Didn't you just hear
Mr. Duvall talking about it?Copy !req
911. Oh, that's this weekend?
Yeah.Copy !req
912. Oh, shoot.
I have tickets to this thing
in Madison with my mom.Copy !req
913. Uh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
914. Yeah, you seem
super sad about it.Copy !req
915. So, what are we doing
this weekend?Copy !req
916. Why is everyone asking me
about the weekend?Copy !req
917. It's Tuesday.Copy !req
918. Yeah, the weekend is only...
several days away.Copy !req
919. I have to go to this thing
in Madison with my mom.Copy !req
920. Your mom is going away?
You should have people over.Copy !req
921. No, I'm going with her.Copy !req
922. Well, if you have people over,
you can invite Aaron.Copy !req
923. Huh.Copy !req
924. Yeah, I guess
I could get out of it.Copy !req
925. But, like,Copy !req
926. we would keep it small, right?
Like five or six people?Copy !req
927. Yes!
Sure!Copy !req
928. Why are you doing this to me?Copy !req
929. I promised my friend Janis
I'd go to her art show!Copy !req
930. But, binti, we've had
these tickets for months.Copy !req
931. You love Neil deGrasse Tyson.Copy !req
932. Mom!Copy !req
933. Janis is my best friend!Copy !req
934. Do you not want me
to be a good friend?Copy !req
935. No! Yes! What?Copy !req
936. You can, uh, stay home
on your own, I guess.Copy !req
937. Hey. I'm having
a small get-togetherCopy !req
938. at my house tomorrow night.
My mom's away, so...Copy !req
939. Is Regina going?Copy !req
940. No! Do you think
I'm an idiot? No.Copy !req
941. It's just gonna be
a few cool people,Copy !req
942. and you better be
one of them, byotch.Copy !req
943. Okay. I'll be there.Copy !req
944. No, no, no!Copy !req
945. Have you seen Aaron?Copy !req
946. What?
Aaron!Copy !req
947. Karen?Copy !req
948. Hi.Copy !req
949. Whoo!Copy !req
950. I've been looking for you.Copy !req
951. Me as well.Copy !req
952. I like your costume.
I mean, um, your dress.Copy !req
953. Is this you holding
a crocodile?Copy !req
954. Oh, my God,
don't look at that.
That is so embarrassing.Copy !req
955. No, it's not. It's awesome.Copy !req
956. You miss Kenya?Copy !req
957. Yes.Copy !req
958. No. I mean, I...Copy !req
959. Well, I miss...Copy !req
960. I could see
a lot more sky there.Copy !req
961. At night.Copy !req
962. My mom and I used
to map the constellations.Copy !req
963. The stars.Copy !req
964. You still on
the treadmill, honey?Copy !req
965. No, I'm over there.Copy !req
966. You got any plans tonight?
It's Saturday.Copy !req
967. Mom, don't bother me.Copy !req
968. I know you're not
feeling your best
about your body right now,Copy !req
969. but remember that real beauty
comes from the face.Copy !req
970. Don't ever talk about my body!Copy !req
971. Okay, okay.Copy !req
972. Wait, honey, why are
you eating Kälteen bars?Copy !req
973. These are what
we gave Nana JoanCopy !req
974. when we needed her
to gain weight.Copy !req
975. I am drinkingCopy !req
976. not juice tonight.Copy !req
977. I know. I can tell.Copy !req
978. We should go downstairs.Copy !req
979. No, no, no, sit down.
I'm amazing.Copy !req
980. I think you should wear
your hair however you want.Copy !req
981. I think it looks good
both ways.Copy !req
982. Thank you
for inviting me tonight.Copy !req
983. I think
I've spent too much time
being pissed at Regina.Copy !req
984. Yeah, you really have.Copy !req
985. No more liars.
I would never lie to you.Copy !req
986. I mean,
I did lie to you once.Copy !req
987. But you are totally
gonna laugh when I tell you.Copy !req
988. Tell me what?Copy !req
989. We're in here!Copy !req
990. I pretended
to be bad at mathCopy !req
991. to get you to help me,
but I'm not bad at math.Copy !req
992. I'm actually... I'm actually
really good at math.Copy !req
993. You're the one who's only
kind of okay at math.Copy !req
994. Anyways, um,
now I'm failing.Copy !req
995. So isn't that so dumb?
That is dumb, yeah.Copy !req
996. Why wouldn't you
just talk to me?Copy !req
997. Because of Regina.
'Cause you were her property.Copy !req
998. Her property?
Shut up. Not her property.Copy !req
999. Don't tell me to shut up.Copy !req
1000. What? Aaron, sit down.Copy !req
1001. You are a clone of Regina.Copy !req
1002. No. No, no, no!Copy !req
1003. What are you thinking about?Copy !req
1004. Chicken wings later.Copy !req
1005. Do you ever think about me?Copy !req
1006. Sometimes.
When I'm looking right at you.Copy !req
1007. Cady, Cady, Cady!
No, no, no.Copy !req
1008. Aaron!Copy !req
1009. Aaron, wait!Copy !req
1010. You dirty little liar.Copy !req
1011. I... I can explain.Copy !req
1012. Explain how you're supposed
to be out of townCopy !req
1013. but there are
60 different peopleCopy !req
1014. posting pictures
from your party?Copy !req
1015. You know
I couldn't invite you.Copy !req
1016. I... I have to act
like I don't know you.Copy !req
1017. You are full of lies!Copy !req
1018. Janis, I cannot stop
this Jazzy.Copy !req
1019. You know I have a curfew!Copy !req
1020. You would hate this party.Copy !req
1021. Why? Aren't you having
an amazing timeCopy !req
1022. with your amazing friends?Copy !req
1023. Janis, I can't spend
every minute with you.Copy !req
1024. It's not my fault you're like
obsessed with me or something!Copy !req
1025. What?
Oh, no, she didn't.Copy !req
1026. See, this is the problem
with you Plastics.Copy !req
1027. You think everyone
is obsessed with youCopy !req
1028. when actually
everybody hates you.Copy !req
1029. You made me like this.Copy !req
1030. It was your idea for me
to pretend to be Plastic!Copy !req
1031. Buddy, it's not pretend!Copy !req
1032. Here.Copy !req
1033. Have this. It won an award.
Janis.Copy !req
1034. And I want my pink shirt.Copy !req
1035. I'm just so upset, Mr. Duvall.Copy !req
1036. We found it in the hallway.Copy !req
1037. I mean, the things
it says about me?Copy !req
1038. The things it says
about all of us?Copy !req
1039. "Rachel Hamilton fills
her inhaler with vodka"?Copy !req
1040. I mean... does that work?Copy !req
1041. "Ms. Norbury is a sad,
old drug pusher"?Copy !req
1042. "Haley Fralenger has" ... what?Copy !req
1043. What's this?
Hairy nips.Copy !req
1044. Good Lord.Copy !req
1045. Don't you worry.
We're gonna find out
who did this.Copy !req
1046. There's only three girls
in the whole school
who aren't in it.Copy !req
1047. "Damian Hubbard
is too gay to function"?Copy !req
1048. That is only okay
when I say it.Copy !req
1049. Only Cady could
have written that.Copy !req
1050. Oh, hell no!Copy !req
1051. I did not go
to graduate school for this.Copy !req
1052. All junior girls report
to the gymnasium immediately!Copy !req
1053. Immediately!Copy !req
1054. Never in my 31 years
as an educatorCopy !req
1055. have I seen such behavior.Copy !req
1056. I have half a mind to cancel
your Spring Fling dance!Copy !req
1057. No!
I object.Copy !req
1058. But we're not gonna do thatCopy !req
1059. because we've already paid
the DJ.Copy !req
1060. But I am taking
this "Burn Book" seriously.Copy !req
1061. Now who has something
to say about this?Copy !req
1062. Someone wrote in that bookCopy !req
1063. that I'm lying
about being a virginCopy !req
1064. because I use
super-jumbo tampons.Copy !req
1065. But I can't help it
if I have a heavy flowCopy !req
1066. and a wideset vagina.Copy !req
1067. Okay. Thank you.
Hold that thought.Copy !req
1068. Sharon, you need
to run this.
Oh, come on.Copy !req
1069. I need to be able
to tell parentsCopy !req
1070. that we fixed this,
and honestly,Copy !req
1071. you need to prove
whoever called youCopy !req
1072. a drug pusher
was just joking.Copy !req
1073. Okay, fine,
but you are walking the dogsCopy !req
1074. every morning
for the rest of the week.Copy !req
1075. Thank you. I love you.Copy !req
1076. I love you, too.Copy !req
1077. Excuse me.Copy !req
1078. Well, okay, hotshots,Copy !req
1079. who wrote all this junk?Copy !req
1080. Cady?Copy !req
1081. Any ideas?Copy !req
1082. No.Copy !req
1083. Interesting.Copy !req
1084. Um, can I just say,Copy !req
1085. I don't think we have a clique
problem at this school?Copy !req
1086. And some of us
shouldn't have to participateCopy !req
1087. in whatever this is,Copy !req
1088. um, just because
of a few bad people.Copy !req
1089. "A few bad people."
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1090. Okay.
Well, let's unpack that.Copy !req
1091. I want everybody
to close your eyes.Copy !req
1092. And I want you
to raise your handCopy !req
1093. if you have ever had
a girl say something badCopy !req
1094. about you behind your back.Copy !req
1095. Open your eyes.Copy !req
1096. Now close them again.Copy !req
1097. This time I want you
to raise your handCopy !req
1098. if you have ever said
something badCopy !req
1099. about a friend
behind her back.Copy !req
1100. Open your eyes.Copy !req
1101. Hmm.Copy !req
1102. Seems like maybe
we could take a breakCopy !req
1103. from being victims
in this situationCopy !req
1104. and start taking
responsibilityCopy !req
1105. for our own actions.Copy !req
1106. Okay, we're gonna write out
some apologiesCopy !req
1107. to people that we've hurt
in our lives.Copy !req
1108. Everybody up.Copy !req
1109. I'm gonna kill you.Copy !req
1110. 'Cause one thing
I know for sure, guys:Copy !req
1111. Calling someone "ugly" is not
gonna make you better looking.Copy !req
1112. Calling somebody else "stupid"
does not make you any smarter.Copy !req
1113. And we as women have
to be able to trustCopy !req
1114. and support each other.Copy !req
1115. Like this.Copy !req
1116. Okay, that was good.
That was really good.Copy !req
1117. That could have
really backfired.Copy !req
1118. Alyssa,Copy !req
1119. I'm sorry I said you look
like you comb your hairCopy !req
1120. with a chicken bone.Copy !req
1121. I know you're vegetarian.Copy !req
1122. Gretchen, I'm sorry I
laughed at you that time
you got diarrheaCopy !req
1123. on the Ferris wheel.Copy !req
1124. And I'm sorry
for repeating it now.Copy !req
1125. And I'm sorry to the people
who were below us.Copy !req
1126. Soona,Copy !req
1127. I'm sorry I said
you were draggingCopy !req
1128. during "Revenge Party."Copy !req
1129. There was just, like,
so much pressure on usCopy !req
1130. to move the story forward
through montage.Copy !req
1131. Like, you know how it is.Copy !req
1132. What is going on?Copy !req
1133. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
1134. I just wish
we could all get alongCopy !req
1135. like we used to
in elementary school.Copy !req
1136. I wish
I could bake a cakeCopy !req
1137. made out of rainbows
and smiles.Copy !req
1138. Then we could all eat it
and be happy.Copy !req
1139. She don't even go here!Copy !req
1140. Do you go to this school?Copy !req
1141. I'm here for a track meet.Copy !req
1142. I just have a lot of feelings!Copy !req
1143. Okay, sweetheart,
you got to go home.Copy !req
1144. Okay.Copy !req
1145. Come on, we're gonna...
Oh, thank you.Copy !req
1146. we're gonna call
your grown-up.Copy !req
1147. My turn, I guess.Copy !req
1148. Watch, this is either gonna be
some really crappy artCopy !req
1149. or really good fire.Copy !req
1150. Okay, sure.Copy !req
1151. I have an apology.Copy !req
1152. My friend and I thought
it would be funCopy !req
1153. to mess up
Regina George's life.Copy !req
1154. So we got
these candy-bar thingsCopy !req
1155. to make her gain weight...Copy !req
1156. and we told her lard
was face cream.Copy !req
1157. And we turned her best friends
against her.Copy !req
1158. And then my friend Cady...Copy !req
1159. Yeah, you all know
my friend Cady.Copy !req
1160. She got Regina's boyfriend
to dump her!Copy !req
1161. Oh!Copy !req
1162. And it turns out,Copy !req
1163. Cady's actually
just as selfishCopy !req
1164. and phony as Regina George.Copy !req
1165. So this apology is to myself.Copy !req
1166. Because I should've
known better.Copy !req
1167. Walk away, turd.Copy !req
1168. Regina, I'm so sorry!
I didn't mean to hurt you!Copy !req
1169. You are
a lowlife version of me...Copy !req
1170. And that's how
Regina George died.Copy !req
1171. Again, no one died!Copy !req
1172. I mean, technically, Regina
did die for, like, 15 secondsCopy !req
1173. but then she was revived.Copy !req
1174. And of course,
the rumor mill
started going insane.Copy !req
1175. I just saw
Regina get hit by a bus.Copy !req
1176. An artery come out
of her neck and her head
went all the way around!Copy !req
1177. Guys, street safety
is so important.Copy !req
1178. I'm just sad, like,
that's all I can say.Copy !req
1179. We are sending
our love and prayers...Copy !req
1180. Link in bio to my GoFundMe
page to raise money.Copy !req
1181. Regina, we knew
you would pull through.Copy !req
1182. How do I get this
off my algorithm?Copy !req
1183. I'm not one
to spread rumors,Copy !req
1184. but I'm pretty sure I saw Cady
push her right in front of it.Copy !req
1185. On my life, Cady pushed her.Copy !req
1186. I literally saw Cady
push Regina.Copy !req
1187. Don't fill up my comments,
but... karma.Copy !req
1188. Girls are made deranged
by what's called hormones.Copy !req
1189. Hormones.Copy !req
1190. W-H-O-R...Copy !req
1191. F that bitch.
F that wench.Copy !req
1192. All right.Copy !req
1193. Ms. Norbury is on a, uh,
temporary leave of absence.Copy !req
1194. Jail.
Hey.Copy !req
1195. I heard that, Miss Rockwell.Copy !req
1196. Anyways, we're not sure
who your substitute...Copy !req
1197. I did it.Copy !req
1198. I wrote that Ms. Norbury is
a drug pusher, and it's a lie.Copy !req
1199. Three-week suspension.Copy !req
1200. This is not
who I know you to be.Copy !req
1201. I know.Copy !req
1202. Where is my Ndebele vase?Copy !req
1203. What?
What do you mean, what?Copy !req
1204. You know, the colorful vase
that's always in that window.Copy !req
1205. Where is it?Copy !req
1206. I had some friends over
when you were away.Copy !req
1207. Go.Copy !req
1208. Go do your homework!Copy !req
1209. Um, also...Copy !req
1210. I need you to sign
my Calculus test,Copy !req
1211. 'cause I'm failing.Copy !req
1212. Hey.Copy !req
1213. I guess you'll need this back
to set an alarm for tomorrow.Copy !req
1214. Don't want it.Copy !req
1215. You only have one message.Copy !req
1216. From someone named Karen,
who says:Copy !req
1217. "Donut worry.
I am still your freend."Copy !req
1218. How bad is it gonna
be tomorrow?Copy !req
1219. I was thinking maybe
I should go backCopy !req
1220. to being homeschooled.Copy !req
1221. Sweetie, no.Copy !req
1222. It's too small, me and you.Copy !req
1223. And I think
you're learning things nowCopy !req
1224. that I don't know
how to teach.Copy !req
1225. Good night.Copy !req
1226. Mom?
Hmm?Copy !req
1227. Can you sit with me
till I fall asleep?Copy !req
1228. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1229. Oh, sweetie.Copy !req
1230. Oh, hi. Did you want
to buy some drugs?Copy !req
1231. No, I was just handing
my quiz back.Copy !req
1232. You know, when the police
tore apart my houseCopy !req
1233. looking for imaginary heroin,Copy !req
1234. I found this old calculator
that I thought I lost, so...Copy !req
1235. totally worth it.Copy !req
1236. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
1237. Thank you.Copy !req
1238. But I know you didn't write
that whole book yourself.Copy !req
1239. You gonna tell Mr. Duvall
who did?Copy !req
1240. No.Copy !req
1241. Trying this new thing
where I don't talkCopy !req
1242. about people
behind their backs.Copy !req
1243. Getting hit by a bus seems
like enough punishment.Copy !req
1244. 100.
Welcome back, nerd.Copy !req
1245. Will you be attending
the Spring Fling this weekend?Copy !req
1246. No. Everyone hates me.Copy !req
1247. Perfect, because
I figured out a way for youCopy !req
1248. to earn some extra credit.Copy !req
1249. Hey, Bird,
you ready to suit upCopy !req
1250. and show off
your math schquills?Copy !req
1251. Kev, stop trying
to make "schquills" happen.
It's not gonna happen.Copy !req
1252. Jacob, get off my dick.
Hey! PG-13, please.Copy !req
1253. Welcome to the ICMT
State Math Championships.Copy !req
1254. Sponsored by SeatGeek.Copy !req
1255. Yeah, SeatGeek!Copy !req
1256. Tonight will be
the culminationCopy !req
1257. of all you've worked for.Copy !req
1258. Each right answer
will be worth two points.Copy !req
1259. The highest score at the end
of 40 minutes of play wins.Copy !req
1260. As always, no calculators.Copy !req
1261. Question one.
Two, three, four!Copy !req
1262. Determine the equation of
the tangent line to the graph.Copy !req
1263. The answer is B.
Correct.Copy !req
1264. Solve the equation above
using prime numbers.Copy !req
1265. Prime factor 41.Copy !req
1266. Correct.Copy !req
1267. Please solve for x.Copy !req
1268. x = 2?
Incorrect.Copy !req
1269. x is greater
than the value of y.Copy !req
1270. Correct.Copy !req
1271. Negative two!Copy !req
1272. Correct.Copy !req
1273. Function [x] = mx + c.
Correct.Copy !req
1274. Both polynomials
are second degree,Copy !req
1275. so the asymptote is at y = 5.Copy !req
1276. Excellent.Copy !req
1277. Negative four?Copy !req
1278. True.Copy !req
1279. 29?Copy !req
1280. The slope is zero.Copy !req
1281. Incorrect.Copy !req
1282. The slope
of the tangent line is four.Copy !req
1283. Excellent.Copy !req
1284. Well, this has only ever
happened once before.Copy !req
1285. Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a tie.Copy !req
1286. In the event of a tie,Copy !req
1287. we move into a one-on-one
sudden-death roundCopy !req
1288. where each team
may choose their opponent.Copy !req
1289. We pick the girl.Copy !req
1290. We pick the girl, too.Copy !req
1291. Ms. Krafft, Ms. Heron,
please step forward.Copy !req
1292. Nice to meet you.
Whatever, slut.Copy !req
1293. Contestants, please find
the limit of this expression.Copy !req
1294. You know,
it's not me against you.Copy !req
1295. It's North Shore
versus Marymount.Copy !req
1296. A very wise teacher...Copy !req
1297. The limit is negative one.Copy !req
1298. That answer is incorrect.Copy !req
1299. If Ms. Heron
can answer correctly,
we have a winner.Copy !req
1300. You got this, Golf Bird.Copy !req
1301. Why can't I remember
anything about limits?Copy !req
1302. Honey, I don't know your life.Copy !req
1303. Why did you waste time
insulting me?Copy !req
1304. Why did I waste time
judging your hair?Copy !req
1305. This is not a competition.Copy !req
1306. It kind of is, though.Copy !req
1307. Right.Copy !req
1308. A math one.Copy !req
1309. The limit does not exist.Copy !req
1310. Our new state champions,
the North Shore Mathletes.Copy !req
1311. Yeah, you like that,
Marymount?Copy !req
1312. Get some! Get some!Copy !req
1313. Don't hold me back!
Don't hold me back!Copy !req
1314. Have you seen Jason?Copy !req
1315. Like right now
or like ever in life?Copy !req
1316. Ohhh, miss!Copy !req
1317. I'm supposed to hang
with my fallback in thereCopy !req
1318. but, you know,
if you wanted to slip out,Copy !req
1319. meet in my Jeep or...
Jason!Copy !req
1320. It's me!Copy !req
1321. "Fallback"?Copy !req
1322. No, I... I know.
Yeah, I knew the whole time.Copy !req
1323. No, we are done!Copy !req
1324. Because you know what?Copy !req
1325. I have a 140 IQ,
very toned legs,Copy !req
1326. and my parents love me!Copy !req
1327. And you will regret this
when you're oldCopy !req
1328. because I am fricking fetch!Copy !req
1329. That's how you use it.
Come on.Copy !req
1330. Okay, attention, everybody.Copy !req
1331. Whoo-hoo-hoo,
let's go!Copy !req
1332. Regina!Copy !req
1333. You look pretty.Copy !req
1334. I'm wearing
a corrective neck collar.Copy !req
1335. I'm sorry about the bus.
I feel like it's all my fault.Copy !req
1336. No... No, it's not your fault.Copy !req
1337. Cady, don't apologize for
things that aren't your fault.Copy !req
1338. But, yeah,
I forgive you, 'cause...Copy !req
1339. I'm on a lot
of pain medication right now.Copy !req
1340. You know I died
for 15 seconds?Copy !req
1341. Yeah.Copy !req
1342. Anyway, my mom was really
pumped to be on the news.Copy !req
1343. It's weird
when people treat youCopy !req
1344. like you're famous
or something.Copy !req
1345. It's amazing.Copy !req
1346. Until it's not.Copy !req
1347. Look, I...
I know I have to change.Copy !req
1348. And I was harsh.Copy !req
1349. And people say
that I'm a bitch.Copy !req
1350. You know what they would
call me if I was a boy?Copy !req
1351. Strong.
"Reginald."Copy !req
1352. That's what my mom was gonna
name me if I was a boy, so...Copy !req
1353. Honestly,
I would rather be "bitch."Copy !req
1354. I like you.Copy !req
1355. But this medicine
makes me like everyone, so...Copy !req
1356. Okay,
do we have all of our nomineesCopy !req
1357. for the Spring Fling
King and Queen onstage?Copy !req
1358. I just want to say
you're all winners.Copy !req
1359. And I am retiring as soon
as this evening is over.Copy !req
1360. The winner
of the Spring Fling King is...Copy !req
1361. Shane Oman.Copy !req
1362. Whoo! Yeah!Copy !req
1363. Hey.Copy !req
1364. Um, have you seen Janis?Copy !req
1365. Every day since 2009.Copy !req
1366. But she doesn't want
to see you.Copy !req
1367. And
your Spring Fling Queen...Copy !req
1368. Damian, I'm...
I'm really sorry.Copy !req
1369. Cady Heron.Copy !req
1370. What?
I mean, of course she is.Copy !req
1371. Go, Cady!Copy !req
1372. Where is Cady?Copy !req
1373. Congratulations.Copy !req
1374. Um...Copy !req
1375. I think people voted for meCopy !req
1376. because they think
I pushed someoneCopy !req
1377. in front of a bus.Copy !req
1378. It's not your fault.
A bus pushed me.Copy !req
1379. But what is my fault isCopy !req
1380. the way I treated my friends.Copy !req
1381. I used you and I lied to you
and I'm... I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1382. I'm also sorry to everyoneCopy !req
1383. whose feelings got hurt
from the Burn Book.Copy !req
1384. You know,
it's really not requiredCopy !req
1385. for you to make a speech.Copy !req
1386. Right. Almost done,
I promise. Um...Copy !req
1387. I think everyone looks
like royalty tonight.Copy !req
1388. It just seems weird
for one person to win this.Copy !req
1389. I mean,
it's just a chunk of plastic.Copy !req
1390. We could just share it.Copy !req
1391. Here... Take it.Copy !req
1392. All right,
have a good time, everyone.Copy !req
1393. No vaping.Copy !req
1394. Rachel Hamilton!Copy !req
1395. Give me that inhaler.Copy !req
1396. Are you still mad at me?Copy !req
1397. I don't know.
Are you still an asshole?Copy !req
1398. I don't think so?Copy !req
1399. Cute.Copy !req
1400. She sounds good.Copy !req
1401. But she does not
go here, y'all.Copy !req
1402. Would you look over there?
Oh, my gosh!Copy !req
1403. Do you want to dance?
Yeah.Copy !req
1404. Congrats on winning state.
The jacket looks, uh,
really good on you.Copy !req
1405. Thanks. It has a pocket inside
for a calculator.Copy !req
1406. What?
Yeah.Copy !req
1407. Grool.Copy !req
1408. Grool.Copy !req
1409. And that was
the first time in historyCopy !req
1410. that Spring Fling
was actually fun.Copy !req
1411. Ms. Norbury and
Mr. Duvall got wasted. JK, JK.Copy !req
1412. Karen discovered
the safe joyCopy !req
1413. of dancing with theater boys.Copy !req
1414. And Plastics and Jocks
partied with math nerds.Copy !req
1415. Janis danced
to a pop songCopy !req
1416. and didn't burst into flames.Copy !req
1417. Ow. Ow. Ow!Copy !req
1418. And everyone else
just kind of floated.Copy !req
1419. So the moral
of our story is thus:Copy !req
1420. Calling someone stupid
won't make you any smarter.Copy !req
1421. And even the people
you really don't likeCopy !req
1422. are still people
who just want to coexist.Copy !req
1423. So get off their dicks!Copy !req
1424. I'm a sexy mouse. Duh!Copy !req
1425. You're next.Copy !req
1426. You could be really hot
if you change, like,Copy !req
1427. everything.Copy !req