- 1. This is your lunch, okay?
- 2. Now, I put $1 in there
so you can buy some milk.
- 3. You can ask one of the big kids
where to do that.
- 4. Do you remember your phone number?
I wrote it down for you, just in case.
- 5. Put it in your pocket,
I don't want you to lose it.
- 6. Okay? You ready?
- 7. I think so.
- 8. It's Cady's big day.
- 9. I guess it's natural for parents to cry
on their kid's first day of school,
- 10. but, you know, this usually happens
when the kid is five.
- 11. I'm 16 and until today,
I was home-schooled.
- 12. I know what you're thinking.
"Home-schooled kids are freaks. "
- 13. X-Y-L-O-C-A-R-P. Xylocarp.
- 14. Or that we're weirdly religious
- 15. And on the third day, God created
the Remington bolt-action rifle
- 16. so that man could fight the dinosaurs
- 17. and the homosexuals.
- 18. - Amen.
- 19. But my family's totally normal.
- 20. Except for the fact that both
my parents are research zoologists
- 21. and we've spent
the last 12 years in Africa.
- 22. I had a great life.
- 23. But then my mom got offered tenure
at Northwestern University,
- 24. so it was goodbye Africa
and hello high school.
- 25. I'm okay. Sorry. I'll be careful.
- 26. Hi.
- 27. I don't know if anyone
told you about me.
- 28. I'm a new student here.
My name is Cady Heron.
- 29. Talk to me again and I'll kick your ass.
- 30. You don't wanna sit there.
- 31. Kristen Hadley's boyfriend
is gonna sit there.
- 32. Hey, baby.
- 33. He farts a lot.
- 34. Hey, everybody.
- 35. Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
- 36. It's not you. I'm bad luck.
- 37. Ms. Norbury?
- 38. My T-shirt's stuck to my sweater,
- 39. - Yeah.
- 40. Is everything all right in here?
- 41. - Yeah.
- So, how was your summer?
- 42. I got divorced.
- 43. My carpal tunnel came back.
- 44. - L win.
- Yes, you do.
- 45. Well, I just wanted to let everyone know
that we have a new student joining us.
- 46. She just moved here
all the way from Africa.
- 47. Welcome.
- 48. - I'm from Michigan.
- 49. Her name is Cady. Cady Heron.
- 50. - Where are you, Cady?
- That's me.
- 51. - It's pronounced like Katie.
- My apologies.
- 52. I have a nephew named Anfernee,
- 53. and I know how mad he gets
when I call him Anthony.
- 54. Almost as mad as I get
when I think about the fact
- 55. that my sister named him Anfernee.
- 56. Well, welcome, Cady.
- 57. - And thank you, Mr. Duvall.
- Well, thank you.
- 58. And if you need anything
or if you wanna talk to somebody...
- 59. Thanks.
- 60. Maybe some other time,
when my shirt isn't see-through.
- 61. Okay.
- 62. Okay. Good day, everybody.
- 63. The first day of school was a blur,
- 64. a stressful, surreal blur
- 65. I got in trouble for
the most random things.
- 66. - Where are you going?
- I have to go to the bathroom.
- 67. You need the lavatory pass.
- 68. Okay. Can I have the lavatory pass?
- 69. Nice try. Have a seat.
- 70. I had never lived in a world
where adults didn't trust me,
- 71. where they were always yelling at me.
- 72. - Don't read ahead!
- No green pen!
- 73. No food in class!
- 74. Stay in your assigned seat!
- 75. I told you, I saw the whole thing.
- 76. - Everything.
- Did you see nipple?
- 77. - It only counts if you saw a nipple.
- That's true, dude.
- 78. I had a lot of friends in Africa.
- 79. What?
- 80. But so far, none in Evanston.
- 81. Hey. How was your first day?
- 82. Is that your natural hair color?
- 83. - Yeah.
- It's gorgeous.
- 84. Thank you.
- 85. See, this is the color I want.
- 86. This is Damian.
He's almost too gay to function.
- 87. - Nice to meet you.
- Nice wig, Janis.
- 88. - What's it made of?
- Your mom's chest hair!
- 89. - I'm Janis.
- Hi, I'm Cady.
- 90. Do you guys know where Room G14 is?
- 91. "Health, Tuesday/Thursday,
- 92. I think that's in the back building.
- 93. - Yeah, that's in the back building.
- Yeah, we'll take you there.
- 94. Thanks.
- 95. Watch out, please!
New meat coming through!
- 96. Health. Spanish.
- 97. You're taking 12th-grade calculus?
- 98. - Yeah, I like math.
- 99. Because it's the same in every country.
- 100. That's beautiful. This girl is deep.
- 101. Where's the back building?
- 102. It burned down in 1987.
- 103. Won't we get in some sort of
trouble for this?
- 104. Why would we get you into trouble?
- 105. We're your friends.
- 106. I know it's wrong to skip class,
but Janis said we were friends,
- 107. and I was in no position
to pass up friends.
- 108. I guess I'll never know what I missed
on that first day of health class.
- 109. Don't have sex,
because you will get pregnant and die.
- 110. Don't have sex
in the missionary position.
- 111. Don't have sex standing up.
- 112. Just don't do it, promise?
- 113. Okay, everybody take some rubbers.
- 114. Why didn't they just keep
- 115. They wanted me to get socialized.
- 116. You'll get socialized, all right.
A little slice like you.
- 117. - What are you talking about?
- You're a regulation hottie.
- 118. - What?
- Own it.
- 119. How do you spell your name again,
- 120. It's Cady. C-A-D-Y.
- 121. Yeah, I'm gonna call you Cady.
- 122. In the name of all that is holy,
- 123. will you look
at Karen Smith's gym clothes?
- 124. Of course all The Plastics
are in the same gym class.
- 125. - Who are The Plastics?
- They're teen royalty.
- 126. If North Shore was Us Weekly,
they would always be on the cover.
- 127. That one there, that's Karen Smith.
- 128. She is one of the dumbest girls
you will ever meet.
- 129. Damian sat next to her
in English last year.
- 130. She asked me how to spell "orange."
- 131. And that little one?
That's Gretchen Wieners.
- 132. She's totally rich because her dad
invented Toaster Strudel.
- 133. Gretchen Wieners knows
- 134. She knows everything about everyone.
- 135. That's why her hair is so big.
It's full of secrets.
- 136. And evil takes a human form
in Regina George.
- 137. Don't be fooled, because she may seem
like your typical selfish, back-stabbing,
- 138. slut-faced ho-bag.
- 139. But in reality,
she is so much more than that.
- 140. She's the queen bee.
- 141. The star. Those other two
are just her little workers.
- 142. Regina George.
- 143. How do I even begin
to explain Regina George?
- 144. Regina George is flawless.
- 145. She has two Fendi purses
and a silver Lexus.
- 146. I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.
- 147. I hear she does car commercials
- 148. Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.
- 149. One time,
she met John Stamos on a plane.
- 150. And he told her she was pretty.
- 151. One time, she punched me in the face.
- 152. It was awesome.
- 153. She always looks fierce.
She always wins Spring Fling Queen.
- 154. - Who cares?
- I care.
- 155. Every year, the seniors throw
this dance for the underclassmen
- 156. called The Spring Fling.
- 157. And whomsoever is elected
Spring Fling King and Queen
- 158. automatically becomes head of
the Student Activities Committee.
- 159. And since I am an active member of
the Student Activities Committee,
- 160. I would say, yeah, I care.
- 161. Wow, Damian,
you've truly out-gayed yourself.
- 162. Here. This map is gonna be
your guide to North Shore.
- 163. Now, where you sit
in the cafeteria is crucial
- 164. because you got everybody there.
- 165. You got your freshmen, ROTC guys,
- 166. preps, J.V. jocks,
- 167. Asian nerds,
- 168. cool Asians,
- 169. varsity jocks,
- 170. unfriendly black hotties,
- 171. girls who eat their feelings,
- 172. girls who don't eat anything,
- 173. desperate wannabes,
- 174. burnouts,
- 175. sexually active band geeks,
- 176. the greatest people you will ever meet
and the worst.
- 177. Beware of The Plastics.
- 178. Hey. We're doing a lunchtime survey
of new students.
- 179. Can you answer a few questions?
- 180. - Okay.
- ls your muffin buttered?
- 181. What?
- 182. Would you like us to assign someone
to butter your muffin?
- 183. - My what?
- Is he bothering you?
- 184. Jason, why are you such a skeez?
- 185. I'm just being friendly.
- 186. You were supposed
to call me last night.
- 187. Jason. You do not come to a party
at my house with Gretchen
- 188. and then scam on some poor, innocent
girl right in front of us three days later.
- 189. She's not interested.
- 190. Do you wanna have sex with him?
- 191. - No, thank you.
- Good. So it's settled.
- 192. So you can go shave your back now.
- 193. Bye, Jason.
- 194. Bitch.
- 195. Wait. Sit down.
- 196. Seriously, sit down.
- 197. Why don't I know you?
- 198. I'm new. I just moved here from Africa.
- 199. - What?
- I used to be home-schooled.
- 200. Wait. What?
- 201. - My mom taught me at home...
- No, no.
- 202. I know what home-school is.
I'm not retarded.
- 203. So you've actually never been
to a real school before?
- 204. Shut up.
- 205. Shut up.
- 206. - L didn't say anything.
- 207. - That's really interesting.
- 208. But you're, like, really pretty.
- 209. - Thank you.
- So you agree.
- 210. - What?
- You think you're really pretty.
- 211. - L don't know...
- Oh, my God, I love your bracelet.
- 212. - Where did you get it?
- My mom made it for me.
- 213. - It's adorable.
- It's so fetch.
- 214. - What is "fetch"?
- It's, like, slang from England.
- 215. So if you're from Africa,
why are you white?
- 216. Oh, my God, Karen, you can't just ask
people why they're white.
- 217. Could you give us some privacy for,
like, one second?
- 218. Yeah, sure.
- 219. What are you doing?
- 220. Okay, you should just know
that we don't do this a lot,
- 221. so this is, like, a really huge deal.
- 222. We wanna invite you
to have lunch with us
- 223. every day for the rest of the week.
- 224. - It's okay...
- 225. So we'll see you tomorrow.
- 226. On Wednesdays, we wear pink.
- 227. Oh, my God!
Okay, you have to do it, okay?
- 228. And then you have to tell me
all the horrible things that Regina says.
- 229. Regina seems sweet.
- 230. Regina George is not sweet.
- 231. She's a scum-sucking road whore!
She ruined my life!
- 232. She's fabulous, but she's evil.
- 233. - Hey, get out of here!
- Oh, my God, Danny DeVito.
- 234. I love your work!
- 235. - Why do you hate her?
- What do you mean?
- 236. Regina. You seem to really hate her.
- 237. Yes. What's your question?
- 238. - Well, my question is, why?
- Regina started this rumor
- 239. - that Janis was...
- Damian! Shall we not?
- 240. Now, look,
this isn't about hating her, okay?
- 241. I just think that it would be, like,
a fun little experiment
- 242. if you were to hang out with them
and then tell us everything that they say.
- 243. - What do we even talk about?
- Hair products.
- 244. - Ashton Kutcher.
- Is that a band?
- 245. Would you just do it? Please?
- 246. Okay, fine. Do you have anything pink?
- 247. - Yes.
- 248. By eighth period,
I was so happy to get to math class.
- 249. I mean, I'm good at math.
I understand math.
- 250. Nothing in math class
could mess me up.
- 251. Hey, do you have a pencil I can borrow?
- 252. I've only had one other crush in my life.
- 253. His name was Nfume, and we were five.
- 254. I like you.
- 255. Go away!
- 256. It didn't work out.
- 257. But this one hit me like a big,
yellow school bus.
- 258. - Cady, what do you say?
- He was...
- 259. so cute.
- 260. I mean, A-sub-N equals
N plus one over four.
- 261. That's right.
- 262. That's good. Very good.
- 263. All right, let's talk about your homework.
- 264. Hey. How was your second day?
- 265. - Fine.
- Were people nice?
- 266. - No.
- Did you make any friends?
- 267. Yeah.
- 268. Having lunch with The Plastics was like
leaving the actual world
- 269. and entering Girl World.
- 270. And Girl World had a lot of rules.
- 271. You can't wear a tank top two days
in a row,
- 272. and you can only wear your hair
in a ponytail once a week.
- 273. So I guess you picked today.
- 274. And we only wear jeans
or track pants on Fridays.
- 275. Now, if you break any of these rules,
you can't sit with us at lunch.
- 276. Well, I mean, not just you.
Like, any of us.
- 277. Okay, like, if I was wearing jeans today,
- 278. I would be sitting over there
with the art freaks.
- 279. And we always vote before we ask
someone to eat lunch with us,
- 280. because you have to be considerate of
the rest of the group.
- 281. I mean, you wouldn't buy a skirt
without asking your friends first
- 282. - if it looks good on you.
- I wouldn't?
- 283. Right. And it's the same with guys.
- 284. Like, you may think you like someone,
but you could be wrong.
- 285. 120 calories and 48 calories from fat.
What percent is that?
- 286. Forty-eight into 120?
- 287. I'm only eating foods with less than
30%* calories from fat.
- 288. It's 40%*.
- 289. Well, 48 over 120 equals X over 100,
- 290. and then you cross-multiply
and get the value of X.
- 291. Whatever. I'm getting cheese fries.
- 292. So have you seen any guys
that you think are cute yet?
- 293. Well, there's this guy
in my calculus class...
- 294. - Who is it?
- It's a senior?
- 295. - His name's Aaron Samuels.
- 296. Oh, no, you can't like Aaron Samuels.
- 297. That's Regina's ex-boyfriend.
- 298. They went out for a year.
- 299. Yeah, and then she was devastated
when he broke up with her last summer.
- 300. I thought she dumped him
for Shane Oman.
- 301. Okay, irregardless. Ex-boyfriends
are just off-limits to friends.
- 302. I mean, that's just, like,
the rules of feminism.
- 303. Don't worry.
I'll never tell Regina what you said.
- 304. It'll be our little secret.
- 305. We define the sum of the infinite
- 306. Even though
I wasn't allowed to like Aaron,
- 307. I was still allowed to look at him.
- 308. And think about him.
- 309. And talk to him.
- 310. - Hey...
- Hey, you're the Africa girl, right?
- 311. - Yeah.
- I'm Kevin Gnapoor,
- 312. captain of the North Shore Mathletes.
- 313. We participate in math challenges
- 314. against other high schools
around the state,
- 315. and we can get twice as much funding
if we've got a girl.
- 316. So you should think about joining.
- 317. - You'd be perfect for it.
- Yeah, definitely.
- 318. Great, great. Let me give you my card.
- 319. Okay. So think it over,
- 320. because we'd like to get jackets.
- 321. Okay.
- 322. Hey.
- 323. Get in, loser. We're going shopping.
- 324. Regina's like the Barbie doll
I never had.
- 325. I'd never seen anybody so glamorous.
- 326. - So how do you like North Shore?
- It's good.
- 327. I think I'm joining the Mathletes.
- 328. - No! No, no.
- No, no.
- 329. You cannot do that.
That is social suicide.
- 330. Damn, you are so lucky
you have us to guide you.
- 331. Being at Old Orchard Mall kind of
reminded me of being home in Africa,
- 332. by the watering hole
when the animals are in heat.
- 333. Oh, my God, there's Jason!
- 334. Where? There he is.
- 335. - And he's with Taylor Wedell.
- I heard they're going out.
- 336. Wait. Jason's not going out with Taylor.
- 337. No. He cannot blow you off like that.
- 338. He's such a little skeez.
Give me your phone.
- 339. - You're not gonna call him, right?
- Do you think I'm an idiot?
- 340. No.
- 341. - Wedell on South Boulevard.
- Caller ID.
- 342. Not when you connect from information.
- 343. - Hello?
- 344. May I please speak to Taylor Wedell?
- 345. She's not home yet. Who's calling?
- 346. This is Susan from
- 347. I have her test results.
- 348. If you can have her give me a call
as soon as she can.
- 349. It's urgent. Thank you.
- 350. She's not going out with anyone.
- 351. Okay, that was so fetch.
- 352. Mom.
- 353. Wow, your house is really nice.
- 354. I know, right?
- 355. Make sure you check out
her mom's boob job.
- 356. They're hard as rocks.
- 357. I'm home! Hey, Kylie.
- 358. Hey.
- 359. Hey, hey, hey!
How are my best girlfriends?
- 360. Hey, Mrs. George. This is Cady.
- 361. Hello, sweetheart.
- 362. - Hi.
- Welcome to our home.
- 363. Just want you to know, if you need
anything, don't be shy, okay?
- 364. There are no rules in this house.
I'm not like a regular mom.
- 365. I'm a cool mom. Right, Regina?
- 366. - Please stop talking.
- 367. I'm gonna make you girls
a "hump day" treat.
- 368. This is your room?
- 369. It was my parents' room,
but I made them trade me.
- 370. Hey, put on 98.8.
- 371. Cady, do you even know who sings this?
- 372. - The Spice Girls?
- I love her.
- 373. She's like a Martian.
- 374. - God, my hips are huge!
- Oh, please. I hate my calves.
- 375. At least you guys can wear halters.
I've got man shoulders.
- 376. I used to think there was just fat
- 377. Apparently, there's a lot of things
that can be wrong on your body.
- 378. - My hairline is so weird.
- My pores are huge.
- 379. My nail beds suck.
- 380. I have really bad breath in the morning.
- 381. Hey, you guys.
Happy hour is from 4:00 to 6:00!
- 382. Thanks.
- 383. Is there alcohol in this?
- 384. Oh, God, honey, no.
What kind of mother do you think I am?
- 385. Why? Do you want a little bit?
- 386. 'Cause if you're gonna drink,
I'd rather you do it in the house.
- 387. - No, thank you.
- 388. So, you guys, what is the 411?
- 389. What has everybody been up to?
- 390. What is the hot gossip?
Tell me everything.
- 391. What are you guys listening to?
What's the cool jams?
- 392. Mom.
- 393. - Could you go fix your hair?
- 394. You girls keep me young.
I love you so much.
- 395. Oh, my God, I remember this.
- 396. - L haven't looked at that in forever.
- Come check it out, Cady.
- 397. It's our Burn Book.
- 398. See, we cut out girls' pictures
from the yearbook,
- 399. and then we wrote comments.
- 400. - "Trang Pak is a grotsky little byotch."
- Still true.
- 401. - "Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin."
- Still half true.
- 402. "Amber D'Alessio."
She made out with a hot dog.
- 403. "Janis Ian, dyke."
- 404. - Who is that?
- I think that's that kid Damian.
- 405. Yeah. He's almost too gay to function.
- 406. That's funny. Put that in there.
- 407. Oh, no. Maybe that was
only okay when Janis said it.
- 408. And they have this Burn Book
where they write mean things
- 409. - about all the girls in our grade.
- What does it say about me?
- 410. - You're not in it.
- Those bitches.
- 411. - Will this minimize my pores?
- No. Cady, you gotta steal that book.
- 412. - No way!
- Oh, come on. We could publish it,
- 413. and then everybody would see
what an ax-wound she really is.
- 414. - L don't steal.
- That is for your feet.
- 415. Cady, there are two kinds of evil people.
- 416. People who do evil stuff,
- 417. and people who see evil stuff
being done and don't try to stop it.
- 418. Does that mean I'm morally obligated
to burn that lady's outfit?
- 419. Oh, my God, that's Ms. Norbury.
- 420. I love seeing teachers outside of school.
- 421. It's like seeing a dog walk
on its hind legs.
- 422. Hey, guys, what's up?
I didn't know you worked here.
- 423. Yeah, moderately-priced soaps
are my calling.
- 424. - You shopping?
- No, I'm just here with my boyfriend.
- 425. Joking.
Sometimes older people make jokes.
- 426. My nana takes her wig off
when she's drunk.
- 427. Your nana and I have that in common.
- 428. No, actually, I'm just here because
I bartend a couple nights a week
- 429. down at P.J. Calamity's.
- 430. Cady, I hope you do join Mathletes,
- 431. because we start in a couple weeks
- 432. and I would love
to have a girl on the team,
- 433. just, you know,
so the team could meet a girl.
- 434. - L think I'm gonna do it.
- 435. You can't join Mathletes.
It's social suicide.
- 436. Thanks, Damian.
- 437. Well, this has been
- 438. and I'll see you guys tomorrow.
- 439. - Bye.
- 440. Oh, man, that is bleak.
- 441. So when are you gonna
see Regina again?
- 442. I can't spy on her anymore. It's weird.
- 443. Come on, she's never gonna find out.
It'll be like our little secret.
- 444. - Hello?
- I know your secret.
- 445. Oh, God, busted.
- 446. Just start apologizing and crying.
No, play it cool.
- 447. Secret? What are you saying about?
- 448. Gretchen told me that
you like Aaron Samuels.
- 449. I mean, I don't care.
Do whatever you want,
- 450. but let me just tell you something
- 451. All he cares about is school
and his mom and his friends.
- 452. - Is that bad?
- But if you like him...
- 453. Whatever. I mean, I could talk to him
for you if you want.
- 454. Really? You would do that?
- 455. I mean, nothing embarrassing,
- 456. Oh, no, trust me.
I know exactly how to play it.
- 457. But wait. Aren't you so mad
at Gretchen for telling me?
- 458. - No.
- Because if you are,
- 459. you can tell me.
It was a really bitchy thing for her to do.
- 460. Yeah, it was pretty bitchy,
but I'm not mad.
- 461. I mean,
I guess she just likes the attention.
- 462. See, Gretch?
I told you she's not mad at you.
- 463. I can't believe you think I like attention!
- 464. Okay, love you. See you tomorrow.
- 465. I had survived
my first three-way calling attack.
- 466. And with Regina's blessing, I started
talking to Aaron more and more.
- 467. On October third,
he asked me what day it was.
- 468. It's October third.
- 469. Two weeks later, we spoke again.
- 470. - It's raining.
- 471. But I wanted things to move faster,
so I followed my instincts.
- 472. Hey, I'm totally lost. Can you help me?
- 473. - But I wasn't lost.
- 474. I knew exactly what Ms. Norbury
was talking about.
- 475. It's a factorial,
so you multiply each one by N.
- 476. Wrong.
- 477. Is that the summation?
- 478. Yeah, they're the same thing.
- 479. Wrong. He was so wrong.
- 480. Thanks. I... I get it now.
- 481. Lights, please.
- 482. Okay. See you guys tomorrow.
- 483. We're having a Halloween party
at my friend Chris' tonight.
- 484. Do you wanna come?
- 485. Yeah, sure.
- 486. Great. Here's where it is.
- 487. It's a costume party.
People get pretty into it.
- 488. Okay.
- 489. That flyer admits one person only,
so don't bring some other guy with you.
- 490. Grool.
- 491. I meant to say "cool"
and then I started to say "great."
- 492. Right. Well, grool.
- 493. See you tonight.
- 494. Hey, Africa.
You staying for the Mathletes meeting?
- 495. Yeah, I'll be right back.
- 496. Okay, I lied,
- 497. but I had to go home
and work on my costume.
- 498. In the regular world, Halloween
is when children dress up in costumes
- 499. and beg for candy.
- 500. In Girl World,
Halloween is the one night a year
- 501. when a girl can dress like a total slut
- 502. and no other girls
can say anything about it.
- 503. The hard-core girls just wear lingerie
and some form of animal ears.
- 504. Doesn't she look great, honey?
- 505. - What are you?
- I'm a mouse.
- 506. Unfortunately, no one told me
about the slut rule,
- 507. so I showed up like this.
- 508. Hey.
- 509. Yes! Yes!
- 510. Hey.
- 511. Why are you dressed so scary?
- 512. It's Halloween.
- 513. Have you seen Jason?
- 514. You know who's looking fine tonight?
- 515. Seth Mosakowski.
- 516. - Okay, you did not just say that.
- What? He's a good kisser.
- 517. He's your cousin.
- 518. Yeah, but he's my first cousin.
- 519. - Right.
- So you have your cousins
- 520. and then you have your first cousins,
- 521. - then you have your second cousins...
- No, honey.
- 522. That's not right, is it?
- 523. That is so not right.
- 524. - Hey!
- 525. You made it,
- 526. and you are a zombie bride.
- 527. An "ex-wife."
- 528. Love it.
Can I get you something to drink?
- 529. - Yeah.
- Be right back.
- 530. Thanks.
- 531. Karen, stop it.
- 532. - Don't, Karen...
- Hey, Seth!
- 533. Hey.
- 534. Oh, no.
- 535. Didn't anybody tell you?
- 536. You were supposed to wear a costume.
- 537. Shut up. I need to talk to you.
- 538. - You know that girl Cady?
- Yeah, she's cool.
- 539. I invited her tonight.
- 540. Well, be careful,
because she has a huge crush on you.
- 541. Really? How do you know?
- 542. Because she told me.
- 543. She tells everybody.
It's kind of cute, actually.
- 544. She's like a little girl.
She, like, writes all over her notebook,
- 545. "Mrs. Aaron Samuels."
- 546. And she made this T-shirt that says,
"I heart Aaron"
- 547. and she wears it under all her clothes.
- 548. - Oh, come on.
- Well, who can blame her?
- 549. I mean, you're gorgeous.
- 550. And, okay, look,
I'm not saying she's a stalker,
- 551. but she saved this Kleenex you used
- 552. and she said she's gonna do some kind
of African voodoo with it
- 553. to make you like her.
- 554. What?
- 555. This was it.
- 556. Regina said she would talk to Aaron
for me, and now she was.
- 557. I know she's kind of socially retarded
and weird, but she's my friend,
- 558. so just promise me
you won't make fun of her.
- 559. Of course I'm not gonna
make fun of her.
- 560. How could Janis hate Regina?
- 561. She was such a good...
- 562. Slut!
- 563. What are you doing?
You broke up with me.
- 564. That's crazy.
Why would I break up with you?
- 565. You're so hot.
- 566. That's a scary mask, bro.
- 567. I had never felt this feeling before.
- 568. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.
- 569. My stomach felt like it was going
to fall out my butt.
- 570. I had this lump in my throat
like after you dry-swallow a big pill.
- 571. I hated Regina. I hated her!
- 572. She took him back.
- 573. Regina took Aaron back.
- 574. - Oh, no, Cady.
- Why would she do that?
- 575. Because she's a life-ruiner.
- 576. She ruins people's lives.
- 577. When we were 13,
she made people sign this petition
- 578. - saying that Janis was...
- Damian! Please!
- 579. Look, she's not gonna get away
with this again, okay?
- 580. - We're gonna do something.
- We are?
- 581. Regina George is an evil dictator.
- 582. Now, how do you overthrow a dictator?
- 583. You cut off her resources.
- 584. Regina would be nothing without her
high-status man candy,
- 585. technically good physique
- 586. and ignorant band of loyal followers.
- 587. Now, Cady, if we want this to work,
- 588. you are gonna have to keep hanging out
with them like nothing is wrong.
- 589. Can you do it?
- 590. I can do it.
- 591. Okay, let's rock this bitch.
- 592. Pretending like nothing was wrong
turned out to be surprisingly easy.
- 593. Regina wanted me to tell you that she
was trying to hook you up with Aaron,
- 594. but he was just interested
in getting her back,
- 595. and that's not Regina's fault.
- 596. - No, I know.
- Okay, so you're not mad at Regina?
- 597. - God, no.
- Okay, good.
- 598. Because Regina wanted me
to give you this.
- 599. It's called the South Beach Fat Flush,
- 600. and all you drink is cranberry juice
for 72 hours.
- 601. This isn't even cranberry juice.
- 602. It's cranberry juice cocktail.
It's all sugar.
- 603. - L wanna lose 3 pounds.
- You're crazy.
- 604. Why do you wear your hair like that?
Your hair looks so sexy pushed back.
- 605. Cady, will you please tell him
his hair looks sexy pushed back.
- 606. Regina was dangling Aaron
in front of me on purpose.
- 607. I knew how this would be settled
in the animal world.
- 608. But this was Girl World.
- 609. Your hair looks sexy pushed back.
- 610. And in Girl World,
all the fighting had to be sneaky.
- 611. All this cranberry juice
is making me break out.
- 612. Wait. I have this really good
skin stuff I'll bring you.
- 613. Okay.
- 614. We kept our eyes open
for opportunities for sabotage.
- 615. Regina.
- 616. - Here you go.
- Thank you.
- 617. - Hey.
- 618. Your face smells like peppermint.
- 619. This is ass, you guys.
- 620. It's been a month, and all we've done
is make Regina's face smell like a foot.
- 621. I've been really busy with choir.
- 622. We gotta crack Gretchen Wieners.
- 623. We crack Gretchen,
and then we crack the lock
- 624. on Regina's whole dirty history.
- 625. - Say "crack" again.
- 626. - All right, let's reconvene tonight.
- I can't.
- 627. I have to go to Regina's
to practice for the talent show.
- 628. We're doing a dance to this song...
- 629. - Jingle Bell Rock.
- Jingle Bell Rock.
- 630. You guys know that song?
- 631. Everybody in the English-speaking world
knows that song.
- 632. They do it every year.
- 633. Well, I have to learn it.
- 634. Go.
- 635. - Hey.
- Why were you talking to Janis Ian?
- 636. I don't know. I mean, she's so weird.
- 637. She just, you know, came up to me
and started talking to me about crack.
- 638. She's so pathetic.
- 639. Let me tell you something
about Janis Ian.
- 640. We were best friends in middle school.
- 641. I know, right? it's so embarrassing.
- 642. I don't even... Whatever.
- 643. So then in eighth grade, I started
going out with my first boyfriend, Kyle,
- 644. who was totally gorgeous,
but then he moved to Indiana.
- 645. And Janis was, like,
weirdly jealous of him.
- 646. Like, if I would blow her off
to hang out with Kyle,
- 647. she'd be like,
"Why didn't you call me back?"
- 648. And I'd be like,
"Why are you so obsessed with me?"
- 649. So then, for my birthday party,
which was an all-girls pool party,
- 650. I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you,
because I think you're a lesbian."
- 651. I mean, I couldn't have a lesbian
at my party.
- 652. There are gonna be girls there
in their bathing suits.
- 653. I mean, right? She was a lesbian.
- 654. So then her mom called my mom
and started yelling at her.
- 655. It was so retarded.
- 656. And then she dropped out of school
because no one would talk to her.
- 657. When she came back in the fall
for high school,
- 658. all of her hair was cut off
and she was totally weird,
- 659. and now I guess she's on crack.
- 660. Oh, my God! I love your skirt.
Where did you get it?
- 661. It was my mom's in the '80s.
- 662. Vintage. So adorable.
- 663. Thanks.
- 664. That is the ugliest F-ing skirt
I've ever seen.
- 665. Oh, my God, I love your bracelet.
Where did you get it?
- 666. So are you gonna send
any candy canes?
- 667. No. I don't send them. I just get them.
- 668. So you better send me one, byotch.
- 669. Love you.
- 670. I was definitely sending her one.
- 671. I was gonna use three candy canes
to crack Gretchen Wieners.
- 672. Three, please.
- 673. "Why, man, he doth bestride
the narrow world like a colossus"
- 674. might translate into,
- 675. "Why is he so huge and obnoxious?"
- 676. - Candy-cane grams!
- Okay, hurry up.
- 677. Taylor Zimmerman? Two for you.
- 678. Glenn Cocco?
- 679. Four for you, Glenn Cocco.
You go, Glenn Cocco.
- 680. And Cady Heron.
- 681. Do we have a Cady Heron here?
- 682. - It's Cady.
- Cady, here you go.
- 683. One for you.
And none for Gretchen Wieners. Bye.
- 684. Who's that from?
- 685. "Thanks for being such a great friend.
- 686. That's so sweet.
- 687. Okay, back to Caesar.
- 688. Once Gretchen thought Regina
was mad at her,
- 689. the secrets started pouring out.
- 690. All I had to do was wait
for one we could use.
- 691. Thank you.
- 692. Welcome to the North Shore
High School winter talent show.
- 693. Let me hear you make some noise.
- 694. All right, settle down.
- 695. Our first act calls himself
a star on the rise.
- 696. Let's hear it for Damian.
- 697. Don't look at me.
- 698. Every day is so wonderful...
- 699. I mean, why would Regina send
you guys candy canes and not me?
- 700. Maybe she forgot about you.
- 701. Yeah, Regina has been acting
kind of weird lately.
- 702. I mean, is something bothering her?
- 703. Well, I mean, her parents totally
don't sleep in the same bed anymore,
- 704. if that's what you mean.
- 705. Oh, my God.
Don't tell her I told you that.
- 706. I am beautiful in every single way
- 707. Yes, words can't bring me down
- 708. Don't you bring me down today...
- 709. I mean, no offense, but why would
she send you a candy cane?
- 710. She doesn't even like you that much.
- 711. Maybe she feels weird around me
- 712. because I'm the only person
that knows about her nose job.
- 713. Oh, my God.
Pretend you didn't hear that.
- 714. Yo, yo, yo.
- 715. All you sucker MCs
Ain't got nothing on me
- 716. From my grades to my lines
You can't touch Kevin G
- 717. I'm a Mathlete
So nerd is inferred
- 718. But forget what you heard
I'm like James Bond the Third
- 719. Shaken not stirred
I'm Kevin Gnapoor
- 720. The G is silent
When I sneak in your door
- 721. And make love to your woman
On the bathroom floor
- 722. I don't play it like Shaggy
You'll know it was me
- 723. Because the next time you see her
She'll be like, "Kevin G!"
- 724. Thank you, Kevin, that's enough.
- 725. Happy holidays, everybody.
- 726. K. G. and the Power of Three.
- 727. That was something.
- 728. Does it bother you that they still use
your original choreography?
- 729. Shut up.
- 730. Damn.
- 731. - What?
- I'd rather see you out there
- 732. shaking that thing.
- 733. Gretchen, switch sides with Cady.
- 734. But I'm always on your left.
- 735. Well, that was when
there were three of us,
- 736. and now the tallest go in the middle.
- 737. But the whole dance will be backwards.
- 738. I'm always on your left.
- 739. And right now you're getting
on my last nerve. Switch.
- 740. And, finally,
please welcome to the stage
- 741. Santa's Helpers doing Jingle Bell Rock.
- 742. Jason?
- 743. What a bright time
It's the right time
- 744. To rock the night away
- 745. Jingle bell time is a swell time
- 746. To go riding in a one-horse sleigh
- 747. Giddyap jingle horse
Pick up your feet
- 748. Jingle around the clock
- 749. Mix and mingle in a jingling beat
- 750. That's the jingle bell
- 751. That's the jingle bell rock
- 752. That was the best it ever went!
- 753. - That was awesome.
- Lip gloss.
- 754. - Hey, good job, Africa.
- 755. Cady's blushing. Oh, my God.
- 756. - You totally have a crush on that guy.
- No, I don't.
- 757. That's why you wanted
to join the Mathletes.
- 758. Mathletes? You hate math.
- 759. Look how red she is.
- 760. You love him,
and he totally complimented you.
- 761. That is so fetch.
- 762. Gretchen, stop trying to make
- 763. It's not going to happen.
- 764. "Why should Caesar get
to stomp around like a giant
- 765. "while the rest of us try not to get
smushed under his big feet?
- 766. "What's so great about Caesar?
- 767. "Brutus is just as cute as Caesar.
- 768. "Okay, Brutus is just
as smart as Caesar.
- 769. "People totally like Brutus
just as much as they like Caesar.
- 770. "And when did it become okay
for one person
- 771. "to be the boss of everybody?
- 772. "Because that's not
what Rome is about!
- 773. "We should totally just stab Caesar!"
- 774. Gretchen Wieners had cracked.
- 775. Okay, if you even knew
how mean she really is...
- 776. You know that I'm not allowed to wear
hoop earrings, right?
- 777. Yeah. Two years ago, she told me
that hoop earrings were her thing
- 778. and that I wasn't allowed
to wear them anymore.
- 779. And then for Hanukkah,
my parents got me this pair
- 780. of really expensive white-gold hoops.
- 781. And I had to pretend like
I didn't even like them,
- 782. and it was so sad.
- 783. And you know she cheats on Aaron?
- 784. Yes. Every Thursday he thinks
she's doing SAT prep,
- 785. but really she's hooking up with
Shane Oman in the projection room
- 786. above the auditorium,
and I never told anybody that,
- 787. because I'm such a good friend.
- 788. Jackpot. Gretchen's secret had put
the plan back in motion.
- 789. After Christmas break,
we tried every Thursday
- 790. to help Aaron catch Regina in the act.
- 791. - Hey.
- Hey, what's up?
- 792. My purse!
- 793. Looks like he's headed for
the projection room
- 794. above the auditorium!
- 795. Coach Carr?
- 796. Trang Pak?
- 797. Guys, why did we think
we could do this? We're amateurs.
- 798. No, we just have to regroup.
Think outside our box.
- 799. What are Kälteen bars?
- 800. They're these weird
Swedish nutrition bars.
- 801. My mom used to give them to the kids
in Africa to help them gain weight.
- 802. They're these weird nutrition bars
my mom uses to lose weight.
- 803. Give me it.
- 804. It's all in, like, Swedish or something.
- 805. Yeah, you know,
there's some weird ingredient in them
- 806. that's not legal in the U.S. yet.
- 807. - Ephedrine?
- 808. - Phentermine.
- 809. It burns carbs.
It just burns up all your carbs.
- 810. I really wanna lose 3 pounds.
- 811. Oh, my God,
what are you talking about?
- 812. - You're so skinny.
- Shut up.
- 813. Yes.
- 814. The weird thing about
hanging out with Regina
- 815. was that I could hate her,
and at the same time,
- 816. I still wanted her to like me.
- 817. Okay, you have really good eyebrows.
- 818. - Thanks.
- 819. Same with Gretchen.
- 820. The meaner Regina was to her,
- 821. the more Gretchen
tried to win Regina back.
- 822. She knew it was better to be
in The Plastics,
- 823. hating life, than to not be in at all.
- 824. Because being with The Plastics
was like being famous.
- 825. People looked at you all the time,
- 826. and everybody just knew
stuff about you.
- 827. That new girl moved here from Africa.
- 828. I saw Cady Heron wearing
Army pants and flip-flops,
- 829. so I bought Army pants and flip-flops.
- 830. That Cady girl is hot.
- 831. She might even be hotter
than Regina George.
- 832. I hear Regina George
is dating Aaron Samuels again.
- 833. The two were seen canoodling
at Chris Eisel's Halloween party.
- 834. They've been inseparable ever since.
- 835. I was a woman possessed.
- 836. I spent about 80*% of my time
talking about Regina,
- 837. and the other 20*% of the time,
- 838. I was praying for someone else
to bring her up
- 839. so I could talk about her more.
- 840. She's not even that good-looking
if you really look at her.
- 841. I don't know.
Now that she's getting fatter,
- 842. she's got pretty big jugs.
- 843. I could hear people
getting bored with me,
- 844. but I couldn't stop.
It just kept coming up like word vomit.
- 845. I have this theory
that if you cut all her hair off,
- 846. she'd look like a British man.
- 847. Yeah, I know.
You told me that one before.
- 848. Hey, I'm having an art show.
- 849. So you should take a night off
from your double life.
- 850. - L want you to see it.
- 851. What is that smell?
- 852. Regina gave me some perfume.
- 853. You smell like a baby prostitute.
- 854. Thanks.
- 855. Meanwhile, I was finding any excuse
I could to talk to Aaron.
- 856. I don't get this. Do you get any of this?
- 857. Nice job, Cady.
- 858. Kind of seems like you get it.
- 859. If I was gonna keep this going,
I was gonna have to really commit.
- 860. Not your best.
- 861. Damn, Africa, what happened?
- 862. - How'd you do?
- Not so good.
- 863. You know, I think I need a tutor.
- 864. I'll tutor you, if you ever wanna
get together after school or something.
- 865. Do you think Regina would mind?
- 866. No. You guys are friends.
- 867. Well, maybe we just won't tell her.
- 868. So, what did you get for this one?
- 869. Well, the first time I did it, I got a zero.
- 870. - Wrong.
- But then when I checked it, I got one.
- 871. There you go.
- 872. I got one, too.
- 873. Yeah, you have to check it
because sometimes the product
- 874. of two negative integers
is a positive number.
- 875. Yeah, like negative four
and negative six.
- 876. That's right. That's good.
- 877. Well, you're a good tutor.
- 878. Man, look, I... I can't do this.
- 879. - It's not fair to Regina.
- Why do you like her?
- 880. Look, I know she can be really mean
- 881. - Then why do you like her?
- Why do you?
- 882. Look, there's good
and bad to everybody.
- 883. Right? Regina's just...
- 884. She's just more up-front about it.
- 885. Oh, no. It was coming up.
- 886. The word vomit.
I didn't mean to say it, but...
- 887. She's cheating on you!
- 888. What?
- 889. Did he say why?
- 890. Somebody told him about Shane Oman.
- 891. Who?
- 892. He said some guy on the baseball team.
- 893. Baseball team?
- 894. I gave him everything.
I was half a virgin when I met him.
- 895. You wanna do something fun?
- 896. You wanna go to Taco Bell?
- 897. I can't go to Taco Bell.
I'm on an all-carb diet.
- 898. God, Karen, you are so stupid!
- 899. Regina, wait. Talk to me.
- 900. - Nobody understands me.
- I understand you.
- 901. You're not stupid, Karen.
- 902. No. I am, actually.
- 903. I'm failing almost everything.
- 904. Well, there must be something
you're good at.
- 905. I can put my whole fist in my mouth.
- 906. Wanna see?
- 907. No. That's okay.
- 908. Anything else?
- 909. I'm kind of psychic.
- 910. I have a fifth sense.
- 911. - What do you mean?
- It's like I have ESPN or something.
- 912. My breasts can always tell
when it's gonna rain.
- 913. Really? That's amazing.
- 914. Well, they can tell when it's raining.
- 915. I have to admit, I was mildly horrified
- 916. when Aaron didn't immediately ask me
to be his girlfriend.
- 917. I mean, I know he was sad,
but how much time did he need?
- 918. Regina had moved on.
- 919. Do you guys need anything?
Some snacks? A condom?
- 920. Let me know. Oh, God love you.
- 921. But overall,
the plan was going pretty well.
- 922. Aaron had dumped Regina,
and she was unknowingly
- 923. eating 5,000 calories a day.
- 924. It was time to turn our attention to
the army of skanks.
- 925. And finally, the nominees for
Spring Fling Queen are as follows.
- 926. Regina George.
- 927. Gretchen Wieners.
- 928. Janis Ian.
- 929. What is happening to the world?
- 930. And the final nominee...
- 931. I couldn't help myself. It was so easy.
- 932. Is Cady Heron.
- 933. Damian, you put me in there, too?
That's not part of the plan.
- 934. I didn't put you in there.
- 935. You mean I'm really nominated?
- 936. In January, Regina had put
a Spring Fling dress on hold
- 937. at a store called 1-3-5.
- 938. But being Plastic,
she needed our advice
- 939. before she could actually buy it.
- 940. Can someone zip me up?
- 941. - It won't close.
- It's a 5.
- 942. Okay, it must be marked wrong.
- 943. Cady, all I've been eating
are these Kälteen bars. They suck.
- 944. No, no, this is just how they work.
- 945. This is all your water weight.
- 946. First you bloat,
and then you drop 10 pounds like that.
- 947. Well, the Kälteen bars
have burned up all your carbs,
- 948. and now your body's
just running on water.
- 949. But once the water's gone,
then you'll be all muscle.
- 950. It explains it all on the label.
- 951. You know Swedish?
- 952. Yeah, everyone in Africa
can read Swedish.
- 953. Ma'am, do you have this
in the next size up?
- 954. Sorry. We only carry sizes 1, 3 and 5.
- 955. You could try Sears.
- 956. Cady.
- 957. I need your parents to sign this
so they know that you're failing.
- 958. Failing?
- 959. You know what's weird
about your quizzes, Cady,
- 960. is that all the work is right
and just the answers are wrong.
- 961. - Really?
- 962. Cady, I know that having a boyfriend
- 963. may seem like the most important thing
in the world right now,
- 964. but you don't have to dumb yourself
down to get guys to like you.
- 965. - How would you know?
- I know,
- 966. "How would I know," right?
- 967. I'm divorced.
I'm broke from getting divorced.
- 968. The only guy that ever calls my house
is Randy from Chase Visa.
- 969. And you know why?
- 970. Because I'm a pusher. I push people.
- 971. I pushed my husband into law school.
That was a bust.
- 972. I pushed myself into working three jobs.
- 973. And now I'm gonna push you,
- 974. because I know
you're smarter than this.
- 975. Thanks, Ms. Norbury.
- 976. And if there's anything I can do
for extra credit, please let me know.
- 977. I will.
- 978. I hate her! I mean,
she's totally failing me on purpose
- 979. because I didn't join
those stupid Mathletes!
- 980. She was so queer.
- 981. She was like, "I'm a pusher, Cady.
I'm a pusher."
- 982. What does that even mean?
- 983. - Like a drug pusher?
- 984. She said she works three jobs.
- 985. You know, I bet she sells
drugs on the side
- 986. to pay for her pathetic divorce.
- 987. You let it out, honey.
- 988. Put it in the book.
- 989. I know it may look like
I'd become a bitch,
- 990. but that's only because
I was acting like a bitch.
- 991. Hey, I called you last night.
How come you didn't call me back?
- 992. I got busy. Sorry.
- 993. So you need a ride to my art show
- 994. No. I have to go to Madison
with my parents.
- 995. I'm so sorry.
- 996. Well, you wanna watch a movie tonight?
- 997. Can't. I'm doing major
Plastic sabotage tonight.
- 998. But we don't have anything
planned for tonight.
- 999. I planned this one on my own.
- 1000. Love you. Bye.
- 1001. Gretchen thinks you're mad at her
- 1002. because she's running for
Spring Fling Queen.
- 1003. Oh, my God, I'm not mad at her.
I'm worried about her.
- 1004. I think somebody nominated her
as a joke or something.
- 1005. And when nobody votes for her,
she's gonna have a total meltdown.
- 1006. And who's gonna have
to take care of her? Me.
- 1007. So you don't think anyone
will vote for her?
- 1008. Cady, she's not pretty.
- 1009. I mean, that sounds bad, but whatever.
- 1010. The Spring Fling Queen
is always pretty.
- 1011. And the crazy thing is,
is that it should be Karen,
- 1012. but people forget about her
because she's such a slut.
- 1013. Anyway, I gotta go. I'm going to bed.
- 1014. Well, she's not mad at you.
- 1015. - Hold on.
- Are you okay?
- 1016. - Hello?
- If someone said something bad
- 1017. about you,
you'd want me to tell you, right?
- 1018. - No.
- What if it was someone
- 1019. you thought was your friend?
- 1020. What are you... Hold on. Other line.
- 1021. - I'm not taking this anymore.
- Good for you, Gretch.
- 1022. - Hello?
- Let's go out.
- 1023. Okay, hold on.
I'm on the other line with Gretchen.
- 1024. Don't invite Gretchen.
She's driving me nuts.
- 1025. - Hold on.
- Okay, hurry up.
- 1026. It's Regina.
- 1027. She wants to hang out with me tonight,
but she told me not to tell you.
- 1028. Do not hang out with her.
- 1029. - Why?
- You don't want me to tell you.
- 1030. You can tell me. Hold on.
- 1031. Oh, my God, she's so annoying.
- 1032. Who is?
- 1033. - Who's this?
- 1034. Right. Hold on.
- 1035. - Oh, my God, she's so annoying.
- I know. Just get rid of her.
- 1036. Okay, what is it?
- 1037. Regina says everyone hates you
because you're such a slut.
- 1038. She said that?
- 1039. You didn't hear it from me.
- 1040. - Little harsh, Gretch.
- Whatever. She has a right to know.
- 1041. I can't go out.
- 1042. I'm sick.
- 1043. Boo. You whore.
- 1044. Regina, we have to talk to you.
- 1045. Is butter a carb?
- 1046. - Yes.
- Regina, you're wearing sweatpants.
- 1047. It's Monday.
- 1048. - So?
- So that's against the rules,
- 1049. and you can't sit with us.
- 1050. Whatever. Those rules aren't real.
- 1051. They were real that day I wore a vest.
- 1052. - Because that vest was disgusting.
- You can't sit with us!
- 1053. These sweatpants are all
that fits me right now.
- 1054. Fine.
- 1055. You can walk home, bitches.
- 1056. Watch where you're going, fat-ass!
- 1057. Gretchen and Karen followed me
around all afternoon.
- 1058. - So, what are we doing this weekend?
- Yeah, what are we doing?
- 1059. I have to go to Madison with my parents.
- 1060. What...
- 1061. We have tickets for this thing.
- 1062. - What?
- 1063. Was I the new queen bee?
- 1064. I can try and get out of it.
- 1065. - Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- 1066. Because I told my friend Janis
I'd go to her art show.
- 1067. We've had these tickets for months.
- 1068. You love Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
- 1069. But she's my friend,
and I made her a promise.
- 1070. I think Cady's old enough
to spend one night on her own.
- 1071. I had learned how to control
everyone around me.
- 1072. Hey. I'm having a small get-together
at my house tomorrow night.
- 1073. - Is Regina going?
- No. Do you think I'm an idiot?
- 1074. No, it's just gonna be a few cool people,
and you better be one of them, byotch.
- 1075. - Fine, I'll go.
- Shut up.
- 1076. I love that shirt on you.
- 1077. Aaron Samuels was going to be
in my house at my party.
- 1078. Everything had to be perfect.
- 1079. And this time when Aaron saw me,
- 1080. I wouldn't be caught
in some ridiculous costume.
- 1081. Hey, guys.
- 1082. - You look awesome!
- You look awesome!
- 1083. I know, right?
- 1084. Okay, so I got enough cheese
and crackers for eight people.
- 1085. Do you think that's enough?
- 1086. - Yeah.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- 1087. Okay.
- 1088. It was not enough.
- 1089. Somehow, the word had gotten out
about my small get-together
- 1090. Jason is here with Taylor Wedell.
- 1091. He's just using her to make you mad.
- 1092. - Have you guys seen Aaron yet?
- 1093. Dude, put on
the Ramayana Monkey Chant.
- 1094. - Do I know you?
- Deek! What up, dog?
- 1095. She thinks she's gonna
have a party and not invite me?
- 1096. - Who does she think she is?
- You're right, hon.
- 1097. I like, invented her,
you know what I mean?
- 1098. Jason.
- 1099. I have to talk to you.
- 1100. Whatever.
- 1101. - L love you.
- I know, I know.
- 1102. Hey! Put that down!
- 1103. Was Aaron blowing me off?
- 1104. What's up?
Gretchen came to talk to me.
- 1105. - Oh, no.
- 1106. I don't wanna hurt your feelings,
but I only date women of color.
- 1107. I have to pee.
- 1108. Get out.
- 1109. - Hey.
- 1110. I've been looking for you everywhere.
- 1111. Me, too.
- 1112. Wow, you look...
- 1113. - New clothes?
- 1114. You wanna go downstairs?
- 1115. No, no. Let's stay here.
- 1116. Thanks for getting me
to come out tonight.
- 1117. Yeah, sure, no problem.
- 1118. I've wasted too much time
being pissed off at Regina.
- 1119. No more liars.
- 1120. I would never lie to you.
- 1121. I know, I know.
- 1122. Although...
- 1123. Okay, listen.
I mean, I did lie to you once,
- 1124. but you're totally gonna laugh
when I tell you, so...
- 1125. Tell me what?
- 1126. I pretended to be bad at math
so that you'd help me.
- 1127. But the thing is,
I'm not really bad at math.
- 1128. I'm actually really good at math.
You're kind of bad at math.
- 1129. Anyways, now I'm failing.
Isn't that funny?
- 1130. Wait. You're failing on purpose?
- 1131. No. Not on purpose. Just, you know...
- 1132. I just wanted a reason to talk to you.
- 1133. So why didn't you just talk to me?
- 1134. Well, because I couldn't.
Because of Regina.
- 1135. Because you were her property...
- 1136. - Her property?
- No. Shut up. Not her property...
- 1137. No, don't tell me to shut up.
- 1138. - L wasn't...
- God, you know what?
- 1139. You are just like a clone of Regina.
- 1140. Oh, no, no, listen to me.
You're not listening to me...
- 1141. Oh, no. It was coming up again.
Word vomit. No, wait a minute...
- 1142. What is this?
- 1143. Actual vomit.
- 1144. Aaron!
- 1145. Aaron, wait! Just...
- 1146. Okay. Call me.
- 1147. - Oh, God.
- You dirty little liar.
- 1148. I'm sorry. I can explain.
- 1149. Explain how you forgot
to invite us to your party?
- 1150. Janis, I cannot stop this car.
I have a curfew.
- 1151. You know I couldn't invite you.
I had to pretend to be Plastic.
- 1152. Hey, buddy,
you're not pretending anymore.
- 1153. You're Plastic. Cold, shiny, hard Plastic.
- 1154. Curfew, 1:00 a.m. It is now 1 : 10.
- 1155. Did you have an awesome time?
- 1156. Did you drink awesome shooters
and listen to awesome music,
- 1157. and then just sit around and soak up
each other's awesomeness?
- 1158. You know what?
You're the one who made me like this
- 1159. so you could use me for
your eighth-grade revenge.
- 1160. God! See, at least me
and Regina George know we're mean.
- 1161. You try to act like you're so innocent.
Like, "I used to live in Africa
- 1162. "with all the little birdies
and the little monkeys."
- 1163. You know what? it's not my fault you're,
like, in love with me or something!
- 1164. - What?
- Oh, no, she did not!
- 1165. See? That is the thing with you Plastics.
- 1166. You think that everybody
is in love with you,
- 1167. when actually everybody hates you.
- 1168. Like Aaron Samuels, for example.
- 1169. He broke up with Regina
and guess what.
- 1170. He still doesn't want you.
- 1171. So why are you still messing with
Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why.
- 1172. Because you are a mean girl!
You're a bitch!
- 1173. Here. You can have this. It won a prize.
- 1174. And I want my pink shirt back!
- 1175. I want my pink shirt back!
- 1176. Hon, slow down.
- 1177. It's like I can't trust anyone anymore.
- 1178. Why are you eating a Kälteen bar?
- 1179. - I'm starving.
- Man, I hate those things.
- 1180. Coach Carr makes us eat those when
we wanna move up a weight class.
- 1181. What?
- 1182. They make you gain weight like crazy.
- 1183. Mother...
- 1184. This girl is the nastiest skank bitch
- 1185. I've ever met.
- 1186. Do not trust her.
- 1187. She is a fugly slut!
- 1188. I found it in the girls' bathroom.
It's so mean, Mr. Duvall.
- 1189. Is this true?
- 1190. Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr?
- 1191. Good Lord.
- 1192. What's that say?
"Kaitlyn Caussin is a..."
- 1193. Fat whore.
- 1194. Okay, calm down, Miss George.
- 1195. Why would someone write that?
That's just so mean.
- 1196. Don't worry.
We're gonna find out who did it.
- 1197. There's only three girls
in the whole school who aren't in it.
- 1198. At your age,
you're gonna be having a lot of urges.
- 1199. You're gonna want to take off
your clothes and touch each other.
- 1200. But if you do touch each other,
you will get chlamydia and die.
- 1201. Coach Carr.
- 1202. Cady Heron, they wanna see you
in the principal's office.
- 1203. All right, chlamydia. K-L-A...
- 1204. In here, Miss Heron.
- 1205. - What's going on?
- Have a seat, Miss Heron.
- 1206. - Have you ever seen this before?
- 1207. I mean, yes, I've seen it before,
but it's not mine.
- 1208. You better get your story straight,
- 1209. because I'm not messing around here.
- 1210. It's not ours. It's Regina's.
- 1211. Yeah, she's trying to make it look like
we wrote it, but really, she wrote it.
- 1212. Miss Wieners, why would Regina
- 1213. refer to herself as a "fugly slut"?
- 1214. Miss Smith,
this is no time to be laughing.
- 1215. We're gonna get to the bottom
of this right now.
- 1216. Maybe we're not in that book
because everybody likes us,
- 1217. and I don't wanna be punished for
- 1218. And I don't think my father,
the inventor of Toaster Strudel,
- 1219. would be too pleased to hear about this.
- 1220. "Made out with a hot dog"?
- 1221. Oh, my God, that was one time!
- 1222. "Dawn Schweitzer has a huge ass"?
Who would write that?
- 1223. Who wouldn't write that?
- 1224. "Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr"?
- 1225. "And so did Sun Jin Dinh."
- 1226. You little slut!
- 1227. You're the slut!
- 1228. Hey! Hey! Settle down! All right, hey.
- 1229. No. You do not push and...
- 1230. Do you have anything else
you wanna say?
- 1231. No, I can't answer any more questions
until I have a parent or lawyer present.
- 1232. Miss Smith?
- 1233. Whoever wrote it probably didn't think
anyone would ever see it.
- 1234. I hope that nobody else
ever does see it.
- 1235. Mom, can you pick me up? I'm scared.
- 1236. - "Janis Ian, dyke"?
- That's original.
- 1237. - "Too gay to function"?
- 1238. That's only okay when I say it.
- 1239. - Did you write this?
- No, I swear!
- 1240. - Then you told somebody!
- She told!
- 1241. - You little bitch!
- You're a bitch!
- 1242. Yeah! Take your top off!
- 1243. - Now, here's what we're gonna do...
- Ron, come quick!
- 1244. They've gone wild.
The girls have gone wild.
- 1245. It was full-tilt jungle madness.
- 1246. And it wasn't going away.
- 1247. Hey, I pulled these two off each other.
- 1248. Coach Carr,
step away from the underage girls.
- 1249. Let me help you down there.
- 1250. Hell, no!
I did not leave the South Side for this!
- 1251. Oh, crap! My hair!
- 1252. All junior girls report to the gymnasium,
- 1253. Immediately!
- 1254. Have you ever walked up to people
- 1255. they were just talking about you?
- 1256. Have you ever had it happen
60 times in a row?
- 1257. I have.
- 1258. Never in my 14 years as an educator
have I seen such behavior,
- 1259. and from young ladies.
- 1260. I got parents calling me on the phone
asking, "Did someone get shot?"
- 1261. I ought to cancel your Spring Fling.
- 1262. - No!
- 1263. - No.
- What are we supposed to do?
- 1264. Now, I'm not gonna do that,
because we've already paid the DJ,
- 1265. but don't think that I'm not taking
this book seriously.
- 1266. Coach Carr has fled school property.
- 1267. Ms. Norbury has been
accused of selling drugs.
- 1268. Now, what the young ladies
in this grade need
- 1269. is an attitude makeover.
- 1270. And you're gonna get it right now.
- 1271. I don't care how long it takes.
I will keep you here all night.
- 1272. We can't keep them past 4:00.
- 1273. I will keep you here until 4:00.
- 1274. Now, what we're gonna try to do is fix
the way you young ladies
- 1275. relate to each other.
- 1276. Okay. Lady to lady.
- 1277. So who has a lady problem
that they'd like to talk about?
- 1278. Yes?
- 1279. Somebody wrote in that book
that I'm lying about being a virgin
- 1280. because I use super-jumbo tampons.
- 1281. But I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow
and a wide-set vagina.
- 1282. Yeah, I can't do this.
- 1283. Ms. Norbury.
- 1284. You're a successful, intelligent,
caring, graceful woman.
- 1285. I am?
- 1286. There has to be something that
you can say to these young ladies,
- 1287. something to help them
with their self-esteem.
- 1288. It's not a self-esteem problem.
- 1289. I think they're all pretty pleased
- 1290. Okay.
- 1291. Okay. Everybody, close your eyes.
- 1292. All right. I want you to raise your hand
if you have ever had a girl
- 1293. say something bad about you
behind your back.
- 1294. Open your eyes.
- 1295. Now, close your eyes again.
- 1296. And this time, I want you to raise
your hand if you have ever
- 1297. said anything about a friend
behind her back.
- 1298. Open them.
- 1299. There's been some
girl-on-girl crime here.
- 1300. Okay, so what we could do today
is a couple exercises to help you
- 1301. express your anger in a healthy way.
- 1302. Let's start over here.
- 1303. Ms. Norbury had us confront
each other directly
- 1304. about the things that were bothering us,
- 1305. and it seemed like every clique
had its own problems.
- 1306. You've been acting really stuck-up
ever since you switched to shortfielder,
- 1307. and Dawn agrees with me.
- 1308. - Dawn?
- Don't drag me into this.
- 1309. I'm pitching tomorrow.
- 1310. Why are you scamming
on my boyfriend?
- 1311. You're just jealous because
guys like me better.
- 1312. Nigga, please.
- 1313. Okay. Good.
- 1314. Can I just say that we don't have
a clique problem at this school?
- 1315. And some of us shouldn't have
to take this workshop,
- 1316. because some of us are just victims
in this situation.
- 1317. That's probably true.
- 1318. How many of you have ever felt
- 1319. personally victimized
by Regina George?
- 1320. Good. Okay, who's next?
- 1321. Who's next?
- 1322. Cady.
- 1323. Do you have anything
you wanna own up to?
- 1324. Yes.
- 1325. No.
- 1326. You never made up a rumor
- 1327. Just that you sell drugs.
- 1328. No.
- 1329. Nothing you want to apologize for?
- 1330. I couldn't apologize to Ms. Norbury
- 1331. without getting blamed for
the whole Burn Book.
- 1332. No.
- 1333. I'm really disappointed in you, Cady.
- 1334. Okay, so we're all here
because of this book, right?
- 1335. Well, I don't know who wrote this book,
- 1336. but you all have got to stop calling
each other sluts and whores.
- 1337. It just makes it okay for guys
to call you sluts and whores.
- 1338. Who here has ever been called a slut?
- 1339. Okay, everybody up.
- 1340. Ms. Norbury had us write out apologies
to people that we'd hurt in our lives.
- 1341. "Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you
a gap-toothed bitch.
- 1342. "It's not your fault
you're so gap-toothed."
- 1343. "Gretchen,
- 1344. "I'm sorry I laughed at you that time
you got diarrhea
- 1345. "at Barnes & Noble,
- 1346. "and I'm sorry I told everyone about it,"
- 1347. and I'm sorry for repeating it now.
- 1348. Laura, I don't hate you
because you're fat.
- 1349. You're fat because I hate you.
- 1350. "I just wish we could all get along
like we used to in middle school.
- 1351. "I wish that I could bake a cake
made out of rainbows and smiles,
- 1352. "and we'd all eat it and be happy."
- 1353. She doesn't even go here!
- 1354. Do you even go to this school?
- 1355. No. I just have a lot of feelings.
- 1356. Okay, go home.
- 1357. Sharon, I think you're doing a great job.
- 1358. Thanks. I feel like I'm getting through.
- 1359. "I'm sorry that people
are so jealous of me,
- 1360. "but I can't help it that I'm popular."
- 1361. Oh, my God! Oh, jeez. Okay, walk it off.
Walk it off.
- 1362. Okay, that hurt.
- 1363. They're okay.
- 1364. Oh, boy. Okay, who's next?
Who's next? Keep it going.
- 1365. Oh, my God. It's her dream come true,
diving into a big pile of girls.
- 1366. Okay. Yeah, I've got an apology.
- 1367. So I have this friend
who is a new student this year,
- 1368. and I convinced her that it would be fun
to mess up Regina George's life.
- 1369. So I had her pretend
to be friends with Regina,
- 1370. and then she would
come to my house after
- 1371. and we would just laugh about
all the dumb stuff Regina said.
- 1372. And we gave her these candy bar things
that would make her gain weight,
- 1373. and we turned
her best friends against her.
- 1374. And then... Oh, yeah, Cady.
You know my friend Cady.
- 1375. She made out with Regina's boyfriend
- 1376. and then convinced him
to break up with her.
- 1377. Oh, God, and we gave you foot cream
instead of face wash.
- 1378. God! I am so sorry, Regina.
- 1379. Really, I don't know why I did it.
- 1380. I guess it's probably because
I've got a big lesbian crush on you.
- 1381. Suck on that!
- 1382. Janis! Janis! Janis! Janis!
- 1383. Regina!
- 1384. Regina, wait!
I didn't mean for that to happen.
- 1385. To find out that everyone hates me?
I don't care.
- 1386. Regina, please! Regina, stop!
- 1387. No! Do you know
what everyone says about you?
- 1388. They say that
you're a home-schooled jungle freak
- 1389. who's a less-hot version of me.
- 1390. Yeah. So don't try to act so innocent.
- 1391. You can take that fake apology
and shove it right up your hairy...
- 1392. And that's how Regina George died.
- 1393. No, I'm totally kidding,
but she did get hurt.
- 1394. Some girls say they saw her head
go all the way around,
- 1395. but that's just a rumor
- 1396. Some people swear they saw me
push her in front of the bus.
- 1397. That was an even worse rumor
- 1398. - Everybody done?
- No. Mom, I didn't do it.
- 1399. I don't know what to believe anymore.
- 1400. Mom, believe me. I'm your daughter.
- 1401. Why are my tribal vases under the sink?
- 1402. My tribal vases.
Why were they under the sink?
- 1403. I don't know.
- 1404. This is the fertility vase
of the Ndebele tribe.
- 1405. - Does that mean anything to you?
- 1406. Who are you?
- 1407. Great. All my friends hate me,
and now my mom hates me.
- 1408. Your mom does not hate you.
- 1409. She's afraid of you.
- 1410. I don't know, maybe we
mainstream-schooled you too soon.
- 1411. Maybe you should come back and
be home-schooled again for a while.
- 1412. No. Only thing worse than going back
will be not going back.
- 1413. How bad's it gonna be tomorrow?
- 1414. Remember when we saw those lions
fighting over the wart hog carcass?
- 1415. I'll be the wart hog.
- 1416. You're not a wart hog. You're a lion.
- 1417. Just focus on your studies
for a little while.
- 1418. You're still an excellent student, right?
- 1419. Oh, yeah.
I need you to sign my calculus test.
- 1420. - Why?
- I'm failing.
- 1421. Okay. You are...
- 1422. What do they call it?
- 1423. Grounded.
- 1424. You're grounded.
- 1425. She pushed her in front of the bus.
- 1426. Did you see her do it?
- 1427. Yes.
- 1428. Did your teacher ever try to sell you
marijuana or ecstasy tablets?
- 1429. - No.
- What are marijuana tablets?
- 1430. What's going on?
Where's Ms. Norbury?
- 1431. Mr. Duvall, this is ridiculous.
Ms. Norbury does not sell drugs.
- 1432. I know, Aaron,
- 1433. but after the allegations
against Coach Carr
- 1434. turned out to be extremely true,
- 1435. the school board felt that it was best
that we investigate every claim made
- 1436. in this Burn Book.
- 1437. That book was written
by a bunch of stupid girls
- 1438. who make up rumors
because they're bored
- 1439. with their own lame lives.
- 1440. Well, unless someone wants to come
forward and say, "I made it all up,"
- 1441. this is how we have to handle it.
To say that someone...
- 1442. Oh, no. Bye, Aaron.
You're gonna hate me forever
- 1443. Mr. Duvall. I wrote it.
- 1444. Come on, Cady.
- 1445. When you get bit by a snake,
you're supposed to suck the poison out.
- 1446. That's what I had to do,
suck all the poison out of my life.
- 1447. I started with Regina,
- 1448. who was living proof that
the more people are scared of you,
- 1449. the more flowers you get.
- 1450. Then there was Ms. Norbury,
- 1451. who was living proof that no good deed
- 1452. Hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?
- 1453. - I'm just done with my quiz.
- Wait. I'll grade it right now.
- 1454. I gotta say,
watching the police search my house
- 1455. really was the cherry on top
of a fantastic year.
- 1456. How much trouble did you get in
for telling the truth?
- 1457. A lot.
- 1458. Well, you didn't write
that whole book yourself.
- 1459. Did you tell Mr. Duvall who else did it?
- 1460. No, because I'm trying this new thing
- 1461. where I don't talk about people
behind their backs.
- 1462. That's right.
- 1463. Getting hit by a bus
is pretty good punishment.
- 1464. Ninety-four.
- 1465. Welcome back, nerd.
- 1466. Thanks.
- 1467. Anyway, I'm sorry.
- 1468. I forgive you.
- 1469. But as my own personal form
- 1470. I figured out how
you're gonna earn that extra credit.
- 1471. What's up?
- 1472. Excellent. Great turnout this year.
- 1473. - All right. It's all you.
- 1474. - Make me look good out there.
- 1475. Marymount, you sons of bitches.
You no-good sons of bitches.
- 1476. - You nervous?
- 1477. Don't be. You can do this.
- 1478. There's nothing to break your focus,
- 1479. because not one of those
Marymount boys is cute.
- 1480. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
- 1481. and welcome to the Illinois High School
Mathletes State Championship.
- 1482. Let's start the competition.
Here is the first question.
- 1483. Twice the larger of two numbers is
three more than five times the smaller,
- 1484. and the sum of four times the larger
- 1485. and three times the smaller is 71.
- 1486. - North Shore?
- Fourteen and five.
- 1487. That is correct. Question number two.
- 1488. Find an odd three-digit number
whose digits add up to 12.
- 1489. The digits are all different,
- 1490. and the difference between
the first two digits
- 1491. equals the difference between...
- 1492. - Marymount?
- 1493. - Correct.
- Shoot. I was really rusty.
- 1494. - Where's Cady?
- She went out.
- 1495. She's grounded.
- 1496. Are they not allowed out
when they're grounded?
- 1497. Don't forget to vote for Spring Fling
King and Queen, people.
- 1498. These A-holes will represent you
for a full calendar year.
- 1499. I'm gonna vote for Regina George
because she got hit by that bus.
- 1500. I'm voting for Cady Heron
because she pushed her.
- 1501. She's supposed to be grounded,
but he let her out.
- 1502. After 87 minutes of very competitive
play, we have a tie.
- 1503. In the event of a tie,
we move into a sudden-death round.
- 1504. Each team is given the opportunity
to choose their opponent.
- 1505. - North Shore, who do you select?
- The girl, dude. The girl.
- 1506. Contestant Krafft.
- 1507. From Marymount, Miss Caroline Krafft.
- 1508. We pick the girl, too.
- 1509. And from North Shore,
Miss Cady Heron.
- 1510. It's Cady.
- 1511. Oh, my God, that's me.
- 1512. Miss Caroline Krafft seriously
needed to pluck her eyebrows.
- 1513. Her outfit looked like it was picked out
by a blind Sunday school teacher,
- 1514. and she had some 99¢ lip gloss
on her snaggletooth.
- 1515. And that's when I realized,
making fun of Caroline Krafft
- 1516. wouldn't stop her from beating me
in this contest.
- 1517. Contestants,
find the limit of this equation.
- 1518. Calling somebody else fat
won't make you any skinnier
- 1519. Calling someone stupid
doesn't make you any smarter
- 1520. And ruining Regina George's life
definitely didn't make me any happier
- 1521. All you can do in life is try to solve
the problem in front of you.
- 1522. The limit is negative one.
- 1523. Oh, crap. I lost.
- 1524. That answer is incorrect.
- 1525. Now, we are in a sudden death.
- 1526. If Miss Heron can answer this problem
correctly, we have a winner
- 1527. Limits. Why couldn't I remember
anything about limits?
- 1528. Limits. That was the week
Aaron got his hair cut.
- 1529. Oh, God, he looked so cute.
Okay, focus, Cady.
- 1530. What was on the board
behind Aaron's head?
- 1531. If the limit never approaches anything...
- 1532. The limit does not exist.
- 1533. The limit does not exist!
- 1534. Our new state champions,
- 1535. - the North Shore Mathletes.
- 1536. How do you like me now?
- 1537. You like that?
Yeah! Get some! Get some!
- 1538. Awesome.
You went with the leather sleeves.
- 1539. - Africa, you did the damn thing.
- 1540. Thanks, K.G.
- 1541. We're gonna look so kick-ass in these
when we roll into Spring Fling.
- 1542. - Oh, no, I'm not going.
- 1543. Cady, this is your night.
- 1544. Don't let the haters
stop you from doing your thang.
- 1545. Did you just say "thang"?
- 1546. Cady, you don't have to punish
- 1547. But I'm grounded.
- 1548. You're already out.
- 1549. All right, do we have all of our nominees
- 1550. for king and queen on the stage?
- 1551. Okay, good.
- 1552. I just wanted to say
that you're all winners,
- 1553. and I could not be happier
that this school year's ending.
- 1554. Here we go.
- 1555. The winner of the Spring Fling King,
- 1556. - Shane Oman.
- 1557. That's what I'm talking about!
- 1558. And your Spring Fling Queen,
- 1559. future co-chair of
the Student Activities Board
- 1560. and winner of two gift certificates
to the Walker Brothers Pancake House,
- 1561. Cady Heron.
- 1562. Where is Cady?
- 1563. There she is.
- 1564. Wow. Thanks.
- 1565. Well, half the people
in this room are mad at me
- 1566. and the other half only like me
- 1567. because they think
I pushed somebody in front of a bus.
- 1568. So that's not good.
- 1569. You know, it's not really required of you
to make a speech.
- 1570. I'm almost done, I swear.
- 1571. To all the people whose feelings
that got hurt by the Burn Book,
- 1572. I'm really sorry.
- 1573. You know, I've never been
to one of these things before,
- 1574. and when I think about
how many people wanted this
- 1575. and how many people
cried over it and stuff...
- 1576. I mean, I think everybody
looks like royalty tonight.
- 1577. Look at Jessica Lopez.
That dress is amazing.
- 1578. And Emma Gerber, I mean,
that hairdo must have taken hours,
- 1579. and you look really pretty.
- 1580. So,
- 1581. why is everybody stressing
over this thing?
- 1582. I mean, it's just plastic.
Could really just...
- 1583. Share it.
- 1584. A piece for Gretchen Wieners,
a partial Spring Fling Queen.
- 1585. A piece for Janis Ian.
- 1586. Seriously, most people
just take the crown and go.
- 1587. And a piece for Regina George.
- 1588. She fractured her spine,
and she still looks like a rock star
- 1589. Thank you.
- 1590. And some for everybody else.
- 1591. God, Mr Duvall, can you wrap it up?
- 1592. Thanks.
- 1593. All right, have a good time, everyone.
- 1594. Look. I'm a queen.
- 1595. As am I.
- 1596. - Hey.
- 1597. So are we still in a fight?
- 1598. Are you still an asshole?
- 1599. I don't think so.
- 1600. Well, then I guess we're okay.
- 1601. Oh, my God, I love this song!
- 1602. I hate this song.
- 1603. I know this song!
- 1604. Man candy, stage right.
- 1605. - Hey, what's up?
- Hey. Didn't think you'd make it.
- 1606. On behalf of the senior class,
- 1607. I'd like to present you
with two gift certificates...
- 1608. - Thanks, sucker.
- Yo, peace.
- 1609. One gift certificate to
the Walker Brothers Pancake House.
- 1610. Thank you.
- 1611. Congratulations on winning State.
- 1612. I was so nervous.
They made us do limits.
- 1613. I thought I was gonna hurl.
- 1614. - How's your stomach now?
- It's fine.
- 1615. - Do you feel nauseous at all?
- 1616. - Have you been drinking?
- 1617. Okay. Grool.
- 1618. - No.
- 1619. - What's up?
- Can I help you?
- 1620. You Puerto Rican?
- 1621. - Lebanese.
- I feel that.
- 1622. In case you're wondering,
The Plastics broke up.
- 1623. Regina's spine healed,
and her physical therapist
- 1624. taught her to channel
all her rage into sports.
- 1625. It was perfect, because the jock girls
weren't afraid of her
- 1626. Karen used her special talents to do
the morning weather announcements.
- 1627. Hi. This is Karen Smith.
- 1628. It's 68 degrees,
- 1629. and there's a 30%% chance
that it's already raining.
- 1630. And Gretchen found herself
a new clique
- 1631. and a new queen bee to serve.
- 1632. Aaron went to Northwestern,
so I still get to see him on weekends.
- 1633. And me? I had gone from
home-schooled jungle freak
- 1634. to shiny Plastic to most hated person
in the world to actual human being.
- 1635. Hey.
- 1636. All the drama from last year
just wasn't important anymore.
- 1637. School used to be like a shark tank,
but now I could just float.
- 1638. Regina.
- 1639. Finally, Girl World was at peace.
- 1640. Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics.
- 1641. And if any freshmen tried
to disturb that peace...
- 1642. Well, let's just say we knew
how to take care of it.
- 1643. Just kidding.