1. This is your lunch, OK?
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2. Now, I put a dollar in there
so you can buy some milk.
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3. You can ask one of the big kids
where to do that.
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4. You remember your phone number?
I wrote it down for you, just in case.
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5. Put it in your pocket,
I don't want you to lose it.
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6. OK? You ready?
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7. I think so.
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8. It's Cady's big day.
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9. I guess it's natural for parents to cry
on their kid's first day of school.
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10. But, you know, this usually
happens when the kid is 5.
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11. I'm 16 and until today,
I was home-schooled.
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12. I know what you're thinking.
"Home-schooled kids are freaks."
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13. X-Y-L-O-C-A-R-P.
Xylocarp.
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14. Or that we're weirdly religious
or something.
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15. And on the third day, God created
the Remington bolt-achion rifle
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16. so that Man could fight the dinosaurs.
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17. And the homosexuals.
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18. - Amen.
- Amen.
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19. But my family's totally normal.
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20. Except for the fact that both my
parents are research zoologists
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21. and we've spent the last
12 years in Africa.
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22. I had a great life.
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23. But then my mom got offered tenure
at Northwestern University.
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24. So it was goodbye Africa
and hello high school.
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25. I'm OK. Sorry.
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26. I'll be careful.
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27. Hi.
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28. I don't know if anyone
told you about me.
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29. I'm a new student here.
My name is Cady Heron.
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30. Talk to me again
and I'll kick your ass.
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31. You don't wanna sit there. Kristen
Hadley's boyfriend is gonna sit there.
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32. Hey, baby.
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33. He farts a lot.
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34. Hey, everybody.
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35. Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
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36. It's not you. I'm bad luck.
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37. Ms. Norbury?
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38. My T-shirt's stuck
to my sweater, isn't it?
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39. - Yeah.
- Fantastic.
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40. Is everything all right in here?
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41. - Oh, yeah.
- So...
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42. how was your summer?
- I got divorced.
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43. My carpal tunnel came back.
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44. - I win.
- Yes, you do.
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45. Well, I just wanted to let
everyone know
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46. that we have a new student joining us.
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47. She just moved here
all the way from Africa.
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48. Welcome.
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49. - I'm from Michigan.
- Great.
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50. Her name is Cady. Cady Heron.
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51. - Where are you, Cady?
- That's me.
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52. - It's pronounced like Katie.
- My apologies.
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53. I have a nephew named Anfernee,
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54. and I know how mad he gets
when I call him Anthony.
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55. Almost as mad as I get
when I think about the fact
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56. that my sister named him Anfernee.
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57. Well, welcome, Cady.
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58. - And thank you, Mr. Duvall.
- Well, thank you.
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59. And...
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60. if you need anything or if you
wanna talk to somebody...
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61. Thanks.
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62. Maybe some other time,
when my shirt isn't see-through.
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63. OK.
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64. OK. Good day, everybody.
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65. The first day of school was a blur.
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66. A stressful, surreal blur.
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67. I got in trouble for the
most random things.
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68. - Where are you going?
- Oh, I have to go to the bathroom.
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69. You need the lavatory pass.
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70. OK. Can I have the lavatory pass?
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71. Nice try. Have a seat.
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72. I had never lived in a world
where adults didn't trust me,
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73. where they were always yelling at me.
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74. - Don't read ahead!
- No green pen!
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75. No food in class!
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76. I told you, I saw the whole thing.
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77. - Everything.
- Did you see nipple?
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78. - It only counts if you saw a nipple.
- That's true, dude.
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79. I had a lot of friends in Africa.
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80. What?
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81. But so far, none in Evanston.
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82. Hey. How was your first day?
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83. Is that your natural hair color?
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84. - Yeah.
- It's gorgeous.
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85. Thank you.
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86. See, this is the color I want.
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87. This is Damian.
He's almost too gay to function.
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88. - Nice to meet you.
- Nice wig, Janis.
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89. - What's it made of?
- Your mom's chest hair!
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90. - I'm Janis.
- Hi, I'm Cady.
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91. Do you guys know
where Room G 14 is?
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92. "Health, Tuesday/Thursday,
Room G 14."
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93. I think that's in the back building.
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94. - Yeah, that's in the back building.
- Yeah, we'll take you there.
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95. Thanks.
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96. Watch out, please!
New meat coming through!
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97. "Health. Spanish."
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98. You're taking 12th-grade calculus?
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99. - Yeah, I like math.
- Why?
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100. Because it's the same
in every country.
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101. That's beautiful. This girl is deep.
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102. Where's the back building?
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103. It burned down in 1987.
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104. Won't we get in some
sort of trouble for this?
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105. Why would we get you into trouble?
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106. We're your friends.
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107. I know it's wrong to skip class,
but Janis said we were friends.
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108. And I was in no position
to pass up friends.
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109. I guess I'll never know what I missed
on that first day of health class.
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110. Don't have sex. Because you
will get pregnant and die.
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111. Don't have sex
in the missionary position,
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112. don't have sex standing up.
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113. Just don't do it, promise?
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114. OK, everybody take some rubbers.
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115. Why didn't they just keep
home-schooling you?
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116. They wanted me to get socialized.
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117. Oh, you'll get socialized, all right.
A little slice like you.
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118. - What are you talking about?
- You're a regulation hottie.
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119. - What?
- Own it.
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120. How do you spell your
name again, Cady?
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121. It's Cady. C-A-D-Y.
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122. Yeah, I'm gonna call you Cady.
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123. In the name of all that is holy, will you
look at Karen Smith's gym clothes?
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124. Of course all The Plastics
are in the same gym class.
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125. - Who are The Plastics?
- They're teen royalty.
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126. If North Shore was Us Weekly,
they would always be on the cover.
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127. That one there, that's Karen Smith.
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128. She is one of the dumbest
girls you will ever meet.
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129. Damian sat next to her
in English last year.
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130. She asked me how to spell "orange".
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131. And that little one?
That's Gretchen Wieners.
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132. She's totally rich because
her dad invented Toaster Strudel.
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133. Gretchen Wieners knows
everybody's business.
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134. She knows everything
about everyone.
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135. That's why her hair is so big.
It's full of secrets.
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136. And evil takes a human
form in Regina George.
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137. Don't be fooled, because she may seem
like your typical selfish, back-stabbing,
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138. slut-faced ho-bag. But in reality,
she is so much more than that.
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139. She's the queen bee.
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140. The star. Those other two
are just her little workers.
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141. Regina George.
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142. How do I even begin
to explain Regina George?
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143. Regina George is flawless.
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144. She has two Fendi purses
and a silver Lexus.
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145. I hear her hair's insured
for $10,000.
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146. I hear she does car commercials.
In Japan.
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147. Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.
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148. One time, she met John Stamos
on a plane.
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149. And he told her she was pretty.
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150. One time,
she punched me in the face.
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151. It was awesome.
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152. She always looks fierce.
She always wins Spring Fling Queen.
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153. - Who cares?
- I care.
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154. Every year, the seniors throw
this dance for the underclassmen
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155. called The Spring Fling.
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156. And whomsoever is elected
Spring Fling King and Queen
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157. automatically becomes head of the
Student Activities Committee.
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158. And since I am an active member
of the Student Activities Committee,
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159. I would say, yeah, I care.
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160. Damian, you've truly
out-gayed yourself.
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161. Here. This map is gonna
be your guide to North Shore.
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162. Now, where you sit in
the cafeteria is crucial
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163. because you got everybody there.
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164. You got your freshmen,
ROTC guys,
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165. preps, JV jocks,
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166. Asian nerds,
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167. cool Asians,
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168. varsity jocks,
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169. unfriendly black hotties,
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170. girls who eat their feelings,
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171. girls who don't eat anything,
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172. desperate wannabes,
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173. burnouts,
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174. sexually active band geeks,
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175. the greatest people
you will ever meet
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176. and the worst.
Beware of The Plastics.
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177. Hey. We're doing a lunchtime
survey of new students.
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178. Can you answer a few questions?
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179. - OK.
- Is your muffin buttered?
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180. What?
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181. Would you like us to assign
someone to butter your muffin?
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182. - My what?
- Is he bothering you?
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183. Jason, why are you such a skeez?
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184. I'm just being friendly.
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185. You were supposed
to call me last night.
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186. Jason. You do not come to a party
at my house with Gretchen
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187. and then scam on some poor, innocent
girl right in front of us three days later.
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188. She's not interested.
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189. Do you wanna have sex with him?
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190. - No, thank you.
- Good. So it's settled.
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191. So you can go shave your back now.
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192. Bye, Jason.
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193. Bitch.
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194. Wait. Sit down.
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195. Seriously, sit down.
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196. Why don't I know you?
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197. I'm new. I just moved here from Africa.
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198. - What?
- I used to be home-schooled.
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199. Wait. What?
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200. - My mom taught me at home...
- No, no.
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201. I know what home-school is.
I'm not retarded.
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202. So you've actually never been
to a real school before?
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203. Shut up.
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204. Shut up.
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205. - I didn't say anything.
- Home-schooled.
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206. - That's really interesting.
- Thanks.
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207. But you're, like, really pretty.
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208. - Thank you.
- So you agree.
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209. - What?
- You think you're really pretty.
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210. - Oh, I don't know...
- Oh, my God, I love your bracelet.
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211. - Where did you get it?
- Oh, my mom made it for me.
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212. - It's adorable.
- Oh, it's so fetch.
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213. - What is "fetch"?
- Oh, it's, like, slang. From England.
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214. So if you're from Africa...
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215. why are you white?
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216. Oh, my God, Karen, you can't just
ask people why they're white.
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217. Could you give us some privacy
for, like, one second?
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218. Yeah, sure.
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219. What are you doing?
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220. OK, you should just know
that we don't do this a lot,
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221. so this is, like, a really huge deal.
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222. We wanna invite you
to have lunch with us
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223. every day for the rest of the week.
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224. - Oh, it's OK...
- Coolness.
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225. So we'll see you tomorrow.
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226. On Wednesdays, we wear pink.
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227. Oh, my God!
OK, you have to do it, OK?
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228. And then you have to tell me all
the horrible things that Regina says.
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229. Regina seems sweet.
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230. Regina George is not sweet.
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231. She's a scum-sucking road whore!
She ruined my life!
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232. She's fabulous, but she's evil.
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233. - Hey, get out of here!
- Oh, my God, Danny DeVito.
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234. I love your work!
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235. - Why do you hate her?
- What do you mean?
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236. Regina. You seem to really hate her.
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237. Yes. What's your question?
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238. - Well, my question is, why?
- Regina started this rumor
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239. - that Janis was...
- Damian! Shall we not?
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240. Now, look. This isn't
about hating her, OK?
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241. I just think that it would be, like,
a fun little experiment
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242. if you were to hang out with them and
then tell us everything that they say.
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243. - What do we even talk about?
- Hair products.
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244. - Ashton Kutcher.
- Is that a band?
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245. Would you just do it? Please?
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246. OK, fine.
Do you have anything pink?
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247. - Yes.
- No.
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248. By eigtht period, I was so happy
to get to math class.
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249. I mean, I'm good at math.
I understand math.
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250. Nothing in math class
could mess me up.
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251. Hey, do you have a pencil
I can borrow?
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252. I've only had one other
crush in my life.
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253. His name was Nfume,
and we were 5.
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254. It didn't work out.
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255. But this one hit me like a big,
yellow school bus.
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256. - Cady, what do you say?
- He was...
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257. So cute.
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258. I mean, A- sub-N equals
N plus one over four.
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259. That's right.
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260. That's good. Very good.
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261. All right, let's talk
about your homework.
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262. Hey. How was your second day?
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263. - Fine.
- Were people nice?
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264. - No.
- Did you make any friends?
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265. Yeah.
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266. Having lunch with The Plastics
was like leaving the actual world
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267. and entering "Girl World".
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268. And Girl World had a lot of rules.
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269. You can't wear a tank top
two days in a row,
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270. and you can only wear your
hair in a ponytail once a week.
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271. So I guess you picked today.
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272. Oh, and we only wear jeans
or track pants on Fridays.
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273. Now, if you break any of these rules,
you can't sit with us at lunch.
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274. I mean, not just you. Like, any of us.
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275. OK, like, if I was wearing jeans today,
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276. I would be sitting over there
with the art freaks.
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277. Oh, and we always vote before we ask
someone to eat lunch with us
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278. because you have to be considerate
of the rest of the group.
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279. Well, I mean, you wouldn't buy a skirt
without asking your friends first
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280. - if it looks good on you.
- I wouldn't?
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281. Right.
Oh, and it's the same with guys.
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282. Like, you may think you like someone,
but you could be wrong.
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283. A hundred and twenty calories and 48
calories from fat. What percent is that?
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284. Forty-eight into 120?
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285. I'm only eating foods with less than
30 percent calories from fat.
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286. It's 40 percent.
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287. Well, 48 over 120
equals X over 100,
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288. and then you cross-multiply
and get the value of X.
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289. Whatever. I'm getting cheese fries.
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290. So have you seen any guys
that you think are cute yet?
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291. Well, there's this guy
in my calculus class...
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292. - Who is it?
- It's a senior?
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293. - His name's Aaron Samuels.
- No!
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294. Oh, no, you can't like Aaron Samuels.
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295. That's Regina's ex-boyfriend.
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296. They went out for a year.
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297. Yeah, and then she was devastated
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298. when he broke up
with her last summer.
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299. I thought she dumped him
for Shane Oman.
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300. OK, irregardless. Ex-boyfriends
are just off-limits to friends.
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301. I mean, that's just, like,
the rules of feminism.
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302. Don't worry. I'll never tell Regina
what you said.
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303. It'll be our little secret.
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304. We define the sum
of the infinite geometric series...
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305. Even though I wasn't
allowed to like Aaron,
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306. I was still allowed to look at him.
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307. And think about him.
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308. And talk to him.
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309. - Hey, Aar...
- Hey, you're the Africa girl, right?
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310. - Yeah.
- I'm Kevin Gnapoor,
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311. captain of the North Shore Mathletes.
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312. We participate in math challenges
against other high schools in the state,
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313. and we can get twice as much funding
if we've got a girl.
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314. So you should think about joining.
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315. - Oh, you'd be perfect for it.
- Yeah, definitely.
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316. Great, great.
Let me give you my card.
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317. OK, so think it over.
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318. Because we'd like to get jackets.
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319. OK.
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320. Hey!
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321. Get in, loser. We're going shopping.
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322. Regina's like the Barbie doll
I never had.
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323. I'd never seen anybody
so glamorous.
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324. - So how do you like North Shore?
- It's good.
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325. I think I'm joining the Mathletes.
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326. - No! No, no.
- No, no.
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327. You cannot do that.
That is social suicide.
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328. Damn, you are so lucky
you have us to guide you.
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329. Being at Old Orctard Mall kind of
reminded me of being home in Africa.
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330. By the watering hole.
when the animals are in heat.
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331. Oh, my God, there's Jason!
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332. Where? Oh, there he is.
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333. - And he's with Taylor Wedell.
- I heard they're going out.
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334. Wait. Jason's not going out
with Taylor.
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335. No. He cannot blow you off like that.
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336. He's such a little skeez.
Give me your phone.
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337. - You're not gonna call him, right?
- Do you think I'm an idiot?
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338. No.
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339. - Wedell on South Boulevard.
- Caller ID.
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340. Not when you connect
from Information.
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341. - Hello?
- Hello.
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342. May I please speak
to Taylor Wedell?
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343. She's not home yet. Who's calling?
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344. Oh, this is Susan from
Planned Parenthood.
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345. I have her test results. If you can have
her give me a call as soon as she can.
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346. It's urgent. Thank you.
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347. She's not going out with anyone.
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348. OK, that was so fetch.
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349. Mom.
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350. Your house is really nice.
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351. I know, right?
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352. Make sure you check out
her mom's boob job.
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353. They're hard as rocks.
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354. I'm home! Hey, Kylie.
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355. Hey.
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356. Hey, hey, hey!
How are my best girlfriends?
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357. Hey, Mrs. George. This is Cady.
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358. Hello, sweetheart.
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359. - Hi.
- Welcome to our home.
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360. Just want you to know, if you need
anything, don't be shy, OK?
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361. There are no rules in this house.
I'm not like a regular mom.
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362. I'm a cool mom. Right, Regina?
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363. - Please stop talking.
- OK.
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364. I'm gonna make you girls
a "hump day" treat.
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365. This is your room?
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366. It was my parents' room,
but I made them trade me.
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367. Hey, put on 98.8.
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368. Cady, do you even know
who sings this?
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369. - The Spice Girls?
- I love her.
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370. She's like a Martian.
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371. - God, my hips are huge!
- Oh, please. I hate my calves.
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372. At least you guys can wear halters.
I've got man shoulders.
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373. I used to think there
was just fat and skinny.
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374. Apparently, there's a lot of things
that can be wrong on your body.
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375. - My hairline is so weird.
- My pores are huge.
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376. My nail beds suck.
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377. I have really bad breath
in the morning.
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378. Hey, you guys.
Happy hour is from 4 to 6!
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379. Thanks.
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380. Is there alcohol in this?
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381. Oh, God, honey, no. What kind
of mother do you think I am?
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382. Do you want a bit? If you're gonna
drink, I'd rather you do it in the house.
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383. - No, thank you.
- OK.
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384. So, you guys, what is the 411?
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385. What has everybody been up to?
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386. What is the hot gossip?
Tell me everything.
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387. What are you guys listening to?
What's the cool jams?
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388. Mom.
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389. - Could you go fix your hair?
- OK.
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390. You girls keep me young.
Oh, I love you so much.
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391. Oh, my God, I remember this.
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392. - I haven't looked at that in forever.
- Come check it out, Cady.
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393. It's our Burn Book.
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394. See, we cut out girls' pictures
from the yearbook,
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395. and then we wrote comments.
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396. - "Trang Pak is a grotsky little byotch."
- Still true.
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397. - "Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin."
- Still half true.
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398. "Amber D'Alessio."
She made out with a hot dog.
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399. "Janis Ian, dyke."
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400. - Who is that?
- I think that's that kid Damian.
Copy !req
401. Yeah. He's almost too gay
to function.
Copy !req
402. That's funny. Put that in there.
Copy !req
403. Oh, no. Maybe that was only OK
when Janis said it.
Copy !req
404. And they have this Burn Book
where they write mean things
Copy !req
405. - about all the girls in our grade.
- What does it say about me?
Copy !req
406. - You're not in it.
- Those bitches.
Copy !req
407. - Will this minimize my pores?
- No. Cady,
Copy !req
408. you gotta steal that book.
Copy !req
409. - No way!
- Oh, come on. We could publish it,
Copy !req
410. and then everybody would see
what an ax-wound she really is.
Copy !req
411. - I don't steal.
- That is for your feet.
Copy !req
412. Cady, there are two kinds
of evil people.
Copy !req
413. People who do evil stuff,
Copy !req
414. and people who see evil stuff
being done and don't try to stop it.
Copy !req
415. Does that mean I'm morally
obligated to burn that lady's outfit?
Copy !req
416. Oh, my God, that's Ms. Norbury.
Copy !req
417. I love seeing teachers
outside of school.
Copy !req
418. It's like seeing a dog
walk on its hind legs.
Copy !req
419. Hey, guys, what's up?
I didn't know you worked here.
Copy !req
420. Yeah, moderately priced soaps
are my calling.
Copy !req
421. - You shopping?
- No, I'm just here with my boyfriend.
Copy !req
422. Joking. Sometimes older people
make jokes.
Copy !req
423. My nana takes her wig off
when she's drunk.
Copy !req
424. Your nana and I have that
in common.
Copy !req
425. No, actually, I'm just here because
I bartend a couple nights a week
Copy !req
426. down at P. J. Calamity's.
Copy !req
427. Cady, I hope you do
join Mathletes, you know,
Copy !req
428. because we start in a couple weeks
Copy !req
429. and I would love
to have a girl on the team,
Copy !req
430. just, you know, so the team
could meet a girl.
Copy !req
431. - I think I'm gonna do it.
- Great.
Copy !req
432. You can't join Mathletes.
It's social suicide.
Copy !req
433. Thanks, Damian.
Copy !req
434. Well, this has been
sufficiently awkward.
Copy !req
435. And I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Copy !req
436. - Bye.
- Bye.
Copy !req
437. Oh, man, that is bleak.
Copy !req
438. So when are you gonna
see Regina again?
Copy !req
439. I can't spy on her anymore.
It's weird.
Copy !req
440. Come on, she's never gonna find out.
It'll be like our little secret.
Copy !req
441. - Hello?
- I know your secret.
Copy !req
442. Oh, God, busted.
Copy !req
443. Just start apologizing and crying.
No, play it cool.
Copy !req
444. Secret?
What are you saying about?
Copy !req
445. Gretchen told me
that you like Aaron Samuels.
Copy !req
446. I mean, I don't care,
do whatever you want.
Copy !req
447. But let me just tell you something
about Aaron:
Copy !req
448. All he cares about is school
and his mom and his friends.
Copy !req
449. - Is that bad?
- But if you like him...
Copy !req
450. Whatever. I mean, I could talk
to him for you if you want.
Copy !req
451. Really? You would do that? I mean,
nothing embarrassing, though, right?
Copy !req
452. Oh, no, trust me.
I know exactly how to play it.
Copy !req
453. But wait. Aren't you so mad
at Gretchen for telling me?
Copy !req
454. - No.
- Because if you are,
Copy !req
455. you can tell me. It was a really
bitchy thing for her to do.
Copy !req
456. Yeah, it was pretty bitchy,
but I'm not mad.
Copy !req
457. I mean, I guess she just
likes the attention.
Copy !req
458. See, Gretch? I told you
she's not mad at you.
Copy !req
459. I can't believe you think
I like attention!
Copy !req
460. OK, love you. See you tomorrow.
Copy !req
461. I had survived my first
three-way calling attack.
Copy !req
462. And with Regina's blessing, I started
talking to Aaron more and more.
Copy !req
463. On October 3rd, he asked me
what day it was.
Copy !req
464. It's October 3rd.
Copy !req
465. Two weeks later, we spoke again.
Copy !req
466. It's raining.
Copy !req
467. Yeah.
Copy !req
468. But I wanted things to move faster.
Copy !req
469. So I followed my instincts.
Copy !req
470. Hey, I'm totally lost.
Can you help me?
Copy !req
471. - But I wasn't lost.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
472. I knew exactly what Ms. Norbury
was talking about.
Copy !req
473. It's a factorial, so you multiply
each one by N.
Copy !req
474. Wrong.
Copy !req
475. Is that the summation?
Copy !req
476. Yeah, they're the same thing.
Copy !req
477. Wrong. He was so wrong.
Copy !req
478. Thanks. I... I get it now.
Copy !req
479. Lights, please.
OK. See you guys tomorrow.
Copy !req
480. We're having a Halloween party
at my friend Chris' tonight.
Copy !req
481. You wanna come?
Copy !req
482. Yeah, sure.
Copy !req
483. Great. Here's where it is.
Copy !req
484. It's a costume party.
People get pretty into it.
Copy !req
485. OK.
Copy !req
486. That flier admits one person only,
Copy !req
487. so don't bring some
other guy with you.
Copy !req
488. "Grool."
Copy !req
489. I meant to say "cool"
and then I started to say "great".
Copy !req
490. Right. Well... grool.
Copy !req
491. See you tonight.
Copy !req
492. Hey, Africa. You staying
for the Mathletes meeting?
Copy !req
493. Yeah, I'll be right back.
Copy !req
494. OK, I lied. But I had to go home
and work on my costume.
Copy !req
495. In the regular world, Halloween is
when children dress up in costumes
Copy !req
496. and beg for candy.
Copy !req
497. In Girl World, Halloween
is the one nigth a year
Copy !req
498. when a girl can dress
like a total slut
Copy !req
499. and no other girls can
say anything about it.
Copy !req
500. The hard-core girls just wear lingerie
Copy !req
501. and some form of animal ears.
Copy !req
502. Doesn't she look great, honey?
Copy !req
503. - What are you?
- I'm a mouse.
Copy !req
504. Unfortunately, no one told
me about the slut rule.
Copy !req
505. So I showed up like this.
Copy !req
506. Hey.
Copy !req
507. Yes! Yes!
Copy !req
508. Hey.
Copy !req
509. Why are you dressed so scary?
Copy !req
510. It's Halloween.
Copy !req
511. Have you seen Jason?
Copy !req
512. You know who's looking fine tonight?
Copy !req
513. Seth Mosakowski.
Copy !req
514. - OK, you did not just say that.
- What? He's a good kisser.
Copy !req
515. He's your cousin.
Copy !req
516. Yeah, but he's my first cousin.
Copy !req
517. - Right.
- So you have your cousins
Copy !req
518. and then you have your first cousins,
Copy !req
519. - then you have your second cousins...
- No, honey.
Copy !req
520. That's not right, is it?
Copy !req
521. That is so not right.
Copy !req
522. - Hey!
- Hey.
Copy !req
523. You made it.
Copy !req
524. And you are... a zombie bride.
Copy !req
525. An "ex-wife".
Copy !req
526. Love it. Can I get you
something to drink?
Copy !req
527. - Yeah.
- Be right back.
Copy !req
528. Thanks.
Copy !req
529. Karen, stop it.
Copy !req
530. - Don't, Karen...
- Hey, Seth!
Copy !req
531. Hey.
Copy !req
532. Oh, no.
Copy !req
533. Didn't anybody tell you?
Copy !req
534. You were supposed
to wear a costume.
Copy !req
535. Shut up. I need to talk to you.
Copy !req
536. - You know that girl Cady?
- Yeah, she's cool.
Copy !req
537. I invited her tonight.
Copy !req
538. Well, be careful because
she has a huge crush on you.
Copy !req
539. Really? How do you know?
Copy !req
540. Because she told me.
Copy !req
541. She tells everybody.
It's kind of cute, actually.
Copy !req
542. She's like a little girl. She, like,
writes all over her notebook,
Copy !req
543. "Mrs. Aaron Samuels."
Copy !req
544. And she made this T-shirt that says
"I heart Aaron"
Copy !req
545. and she wears it
under all her clothes.
Copy !req
546. - Oh, come on.
- Well, who can blame her?
Copy !req
547. I mean, you're gorgeous.
Copy !req
548. And OK, look, I'm not saying
she's a stalker,
Copy !req
549. but she saved
this Kleenex you used
Copy !req
550. and she said she's gonna do
some kind of African voodoo with it
Copy !req
551. to make you like her.
Copy !req
552. What?
Copy !req
553. This was it.
Copy !req
554. Regina said she would talk
to Aaron for me, and now she was.
Copy !req
555. I know she's kind of socially retarded
and weird, but she's my friend,
Copy !req
556. so just promise me
you won't make fun of her.
Copy !req
557. Of course I'm not gonna
make fun of her.
Copy !req
558. How could Janis hate Regina?
Copy !req
559. Ste was such a good...
Copy !req
560. Slut!
Copy !req
561. What are you doing?
You broke up with me.
Copy !req
562. That's crazy. Why would
I break up with you?
Copy !req
563. You're so hot.
Copy !req
564. That's a scary mask, bro.
Copy !req
565. I had never felt this feeling before.
Copy !req
566. I could tear my heartbeat in my ears.
Copy !req
567. My stomach felt like it was
going to fall out my butt.
Copy !req
568. I had this lump in my throat like
after you dry-swallow a big pill.
Copy !req
569. I hated Regina. I hated her!
Copy !req
570. She took him back.
Copy !req
571. Regina took Aaron back.
Copy !req
572. - Oh, no, Cady.
- Why would she do that?
Copy !req
573. Because she's a life-ruiner.
Copy !req
574. She ruins people's lives.
Copy !req
575. When we were 13, she made
people sign this petition
Copy !req
576. - saying that Janis was...
- Damian! Please!
Copy !req
577. Look, she's not gonna get away
with this again, OK?
Copy !req
578. - We're gonna do something.
- We are?
Copy !req
579. Regina George is an evil dictator.
Copy !req
580. Now, how do you overthrow a dictator?
Copy !req
581. You cut off her resources.
Copy !req
582. Regina would be nothing without
her high-status man candy...
Copy !req
583. technically good physique...
Copy !req
584. and ignorant band of loyal followers.
Copy !req
585. Now, Cady, if we want this to work,
Copy !req
586. you are gonna have to keep hanging
out with them like nothing is wrong.
Copy !req
587. Can you do it?
Copy !req
588. I can do it.
Copy !req
589. OK, let's rock this bitch.
Copy !req
590. Pretending like nothing was wrong
turned out to be surprisingly easy.
Copy !req
591. Regina wanted me to tell you that she
was trying to hook you up with Aaron,
Copy !req
592. but he was just interested
in getting her back.
Copy !req
593. And that's not Regina's fault.
Copy !req
594. - No, I know.
- OK, so you're not mad at Regina?
Copy !req
595. - God, no.
- Oh, OK, good.
Copy !req
596. Because Regina wanted me
to give you this.
Copy !req
597. It's called
the South Beach Fat Flush,
Copy !req
598. and all you drink is
cranberry juice for 72 hours.
Copy !req
599. This isn't even cranberry juice.
Copy !req
600. It's cranberry juice cocktail.
It's all sugar.
Copy !req
601. - I wanna lose 3 pounds.
- You're crazy.
Copy !req
602. Why do you wear your hair like that?
You hair looks so sexy pushed back.
Copy !req
603. Cady, will you please tell him
his hair looks sexy pushed back.
Copy !req
604. Regina was dangling Aaron
in front of me on purpose.
Copy !req
605. I knew how this would be
settled in the animal world.
Copy !req
606. But this was Girl World.
Copy !req
607. Your hair looks sexy pushed back.
Copy !req
608. And in Girl World,
all the figthing had to be sneaky.
Copy !req
609. All this cranberry juice
is making me break out.
Copy !req
610. Wait. I have this really good
skin stuff I'll bring you.
Copy !req
611. OK.
Copy !req
612. We kept our eyes open
for opportunities for sabotage.
Copy !req
613. Regina.
Copy !req
614. - Here you go.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
615. - Hey.
- Hey.
Copy !req
616. Your face smells like peppermint.
Copy !req
617. This is ass, you guys.
Copy !req
618. It's been a month, and all we've done
is make Regina's face smell like a foot.
Copy !req
619. I've been really busy with choir.
Copy !req
620. We gotta crack Gretchen Wieners.
Copy !req
621. We crack Gretchen,
and then we crack the lock
Copy !req
622. on Regina's whole dirty history.
Copy !req
623. - Say "crack" again.
- Crack.
Copy !req
624. - All right, let's reconvene tonight.
- I can't.
Copy !req
625. I have to go to Regina's
to practise for the talent show.
Copy !req
626. - We're doing a dance to this song...
- "Jingle Bell Rock."
Copy !req
627. You guys know that song?
Copy !req
628. Everybody in the English-speaking
world knows that song.
Copy !req
629. They do it every year.
Copy !req
630. Well, I have to learn it.
Copy !req
631. Go.
Copy !req
632. - Hey.
- Why were you talking to Janis Ian?
Copy !req
633. I don't know, I mean, she's so weird.
Copy !req
634. She just, you know, came up to me
and started talking to me about crack.
Copy !req
635. She's so pathetic.
Copy !req
636. Let me tell you something
about Janis Ian.
Copy !req
637. We were best friends
in middle school.
Copy !req
638. I know, right?
Copy !req
639. It's so embarrassing.
I don't even... Whatever.
Copy !req
640. So then in eighth grade, I started
going out with my first boyfriend,
Copy !req
641. Kyle, who was totally gorgeous,
but then he moved to Indiana.
Copy !req
642. And Janis was, like,
weirdly jealous of him.
Copy !req
643. Like, if I would blow her off
to hang out with Kyle,
Copy !req
644. she'd be like,
"Why didn't you call me back?"
Copy !req
645. And I'd be like, "Why are you
so obsessed with me?"
Copy !req
646. So then, for my birthday party,
which was an all-girls pool party,
Copy !req
647. I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you,
because I think you're a lesbian."
Copy !req
648. I mean, I couldn't
have a lesbian at my party.
Copy !req
649. There are gonna be girls there
in their bathing suits.
Copy !req
650. I mean, right?
She was a lesbian.
Copy !req
651. So then her mom called my mom
and started yelling at her.
Copy !req
652. It was so retarded.
Copy !req
653. And then she dropped out of school
because no one would talk to her.
Copy !req
654. When she came back
in the fall for high school,
Copy !req
655. all of her hair was cut off
and she was totally weird,
Copy !req
656. and now I guess she's on crack.
Copy !req
657. Oh, my God!
I love your skirt.
Copy !req
658. Where did you get it?
Copy !req
659. It was my mom's in the '80s.
Copy !req
660. Vintage. So adorable.
Copy !req
661. Thanks.
Copy !req
662. That is the ugliest F-ing skirt
I've ever seen.
Copy !req
663. Oh, my God, I love your bracelet.
Where did you get it?
Copy !req
664. So are you gonna send
any candy canes?
Copy !req
665. No. I don't send them,
I just get them.
Copy !req
666. So you better send me one, byotch.
Copy !req
667. Love you.
Copy !req
668. I was definitely sending her one.
Copy !req
669. I was gonna use three candy canes
to crack Gretchen Wieners.
Copy !req
670. Three, please.
Copy !req
671. "Why, Man, he doth bestride
the narrow world like a colossus"
Copy !req
672. might translate into
Copy !req
673. "Why is he so huge
and obnoxious?"
Copy !req
674. - Candy cane-grams!
- OK, hurry up.
Copy !req
675. Taylor Zimmerman?
Two for you.
Copy !req
676. Glenn Cocco?
Copy !req
677. Four for you, Glenn Cocco.
You go, Glenn Cocco.
Copy !req
678. And Cady Heron.
Copy !req
679. Do we have a Cady Heron here?
Copy !req
680. - It's Cady.
- Oh, Cady, here you go.
Copy !req
681. One for you. And none
for Gretchen Wieners. Bye.
Copy !req
682. Who's that from?
Copy !req
683. "Thanks for being such
a great friend. Love, Regina."
Copy !req
684. That's so sweet.
Copy !req
685. OK, back to Caesar.
Copy !req
686. Once Gretchen thought
Regina was mad at her,
Copy !req
687. the secrets started pouring out.
Copy !req
688. All I had to do was wait for one
we could use.
Copy !req
689. Thank you.
Copy !req
690. Welcome to the North Shore
High School winter talent show.
Copy !req
691. Let me hear you make some noise.
Copy !req
692. All right, settle down.
Copy !req
693. Our first act calls himself
a star on the rise.
Copy !req
694. Let's hear it for Damian.
Copy !req
695. Don't look at me.
Copy !req
696. Every day is so wonderful
Copy !req
697. I mean, why would Regina send
you guys candy canes and not me?
Copy !req
698. Maybe she forgot about you.
Copy !req
699. Yeah, Regina has been acting
kind of weird lately.
Copy !req
700. I mean, is something bothering her?
Copy !req
701. Well, I mean, her parents totally
don't sleep in the same bed anymore,
Copy !req
702. if that's what you mean.
Copy !req
703. Oh, my God.
Don't tell her I told you that.
Copy !req
704. I am beautiful in every single way
Copy !req
705. Yes, words can't bring me down
Copy !req
706. Yes, words can't bring me down
Copy !req
707. Don't you bring me down today
Copy !req
708. I mean, no offense,
Copy !req
709. but why would she send
you a candy cane?
Copy !req
710. She doesn't even
like you that much.
Copy !req
711. Maybe she feels weird around me
Copy !req
712. because I'm the only person
that knows about her nose job.
Copy !req
713. Oh, my God.
Pretend you didn't hear that.
Copy !req
714. Yo, yo, yo
Copy !req
715. All you sucker MCs
Ain't got nothing on me
Copy !req
716. From my grades to my lines
You can't touch Kevin G
Copy !req
717. I'm a Mathlete
So nerd is inferred
Copy !req
718. But forget what you heard
I'm like James Bond the Third
Copy !req
719. Shaken not stirred
I'm Kevin Gnapoor
Copy !req
720. The G is silent
when I sneak in your door
Copy !req
721. And make love to your woman
On the bathroom floor
Copy !req
722. I don't play it like Staggy
You'll know it was me
Copy !req
723. Because the next time you see her
She'll be like
Copy !req
724. - Kevin G!
- Thank you, Kevin, that's enough.
Copy !req
725. Happy holidays, everybody.
Copy !req
726. K.G. And the Power of Three.
Copy !req
727. That was something.
Copy !req
728. Does it bother you that they still
use your original choreography?
Copy !req
729. Shut up.
Copy !req
730. Damn.
Copy !req
731. - What?
- I'd rather see you out there
Copy !req
732. shaking that thing.
Copy !req
733. Gretchen, switch sides with Cady.
Copy !req
734. But I'm always on your left.
Copy !req
735. That was when there were three of us,
and now the tallest go in the middle.
Copy !req
736. But the whole dance
will be backwards.
Copy !req
737. I'm always on your left.
Copy !req
738. And right now you're getting
on my last nerve. Switch.
Copy !req
739. And finally,
please welcome to the stage
Copy !req
740. Santa's Helpers doing
"Jingle Bell Rock".
Copy !req
741. Jingle bell, jingle bell
Jingle bell rock
Copy !req
742. Jingle bells swing
And jingle bells ring
Copy !req
743. Snowing and blowing
Up bustels of fun
Copy !req
744. Now the jingle top has begun
Copy !req
745. Jingle bell, jingle bell
Jingle bell rock
Copy !req
746. Jingle bells chime
In jingle bell time
Copy !req
747. Dancing and prancing
In Jingle Bell Square
Copy !req
748. In the fr...
Copy !req
749. Jason?
Copy !req
750. What a brigth time
It's the rigth time
Copy !req
751. To rock the nigth away
Copy !req
752. Jingle bell time
Is a swell time
Copy !req
753. To go riding in a one-torse sleigh
Copy !req
754. Giddyap jingle torse
Pick up your feet
Copy !req
755. Jingle around the clock
Copy !req
756. Mix and mingle in a jingling beat
Copy !req
757. That's the jingle bell
Copy !req
758. That's the jingle bell
Copy !req
759. That's the jingle bell rock
Copy !req
760. That was the best it ever went!
Copy !req
761. - That was awesome.
- Lip gloss.
Copy !req
762. - Hey, good job, Africa.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
763. Cady's blushing. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
764. - You totally have a crush on that guy.
- No, I don't.
Copy !req
765. That's why you wanted
to join the Mathletes.
Copy !req
766. Mathletes? You hate math.
Copy !req
767. Look how red she is.
Copy !req
768. You love him. And he totally
complimented you.
Copy !req
769. That is so fetch.
Copy !req
770. Gretchen, stop trying
to make "fetch" happen.
Copy !req
771. It's not going to happen.
Copy !req
772. Why should Caesar get to stomp
around like a giant
Copy !req
773. while the rest of us try not to get
smushed under his big feet?
Copy !req
774. What's so great about Caesar?
Copy !req
775. Brutus is just as cute as Caesar.
Copy !req
776. OK, Brutus is just
as smart as Caesar.
Copy !req
777. People totally like Brutus just
as much as they like Caesar.
Copy !req
778. And when did it become
OK for one person
Copy !req
779. to be the boss of everybody?
Copy !req
780. Because that's not
what Rome is about!
Copy !req
781. We should totally just stab Caesar!"
Copy !req
782. Gretchen Wieners had cracked.
Copy !req
783. OK, if you even knew how mean
she really is.
Copy !req
784. You know that I'm not allowed
to wear hoop earrings, right?
Copy !req
785. Yeah. Two years ago, she told me
that hoop earrings were her thing
Copy !req
786. and that I wasn't allowed
to wear them anymore.
Copy !req
787. And then for my Hanukkah,
my parents got me this pair
Copy !req
788. of really expensive white-gold hoops.
Copy !req
789. And I had to pretend
like I didn't even like them,
Copy !req
790. and it was so sad.
Copy !req
791. And you know she cheats on Aaron?
Copy !req
792. Yes. Every Thursday he thinks
she's doing SAT prep.
Copy !req
793. But really, she's hooking up with
Shane Oman in the projection room
Copy !req
794. above the auditorium,
Copy !req
795. and I never told anybody that,
because...
Copy !req
796. I'm such a good friend.
Copy !req
797. Jackpot. Gretchen's secret
had put the plan back in motion.
Copy !req
798. After Christmas break,
we tried every Thursday
Copy !req
799. to help Aaron catch Regina
in the act.
Copy !req
800. Hey.
Copy !req
801. Hey, what's up?
Copy !req
802. My purse!
Copy !req
803. Looks like he's headed
for the projection room
Copy !req
804. above the auditorium!
Copy !req
805. Coach Carr?
Copy !req
806. Trang Pak?
Copy !req
807. Guys, why did we think
we could do this? We're amateurs.
Copy !req
808. Guys, why did we think
we could do this? We're amateurs.
Copy !req
809. No, we just have to regroup.
Think outside our box.
Copy !req
810. What are Kälteen bars?
Copy !req
811. They're these weird
Swedish nutrition bars.
Copy !req
812. My mom used to give them to the kids
in Africa to help them gain weight.
Copy !req
813. They're these weird nutrition bars
my mom uses to lose weight.
Copy !req
814. Give me it.
Copy !req
815. It's all in, like, Swedish or something.
Copy !req
816. Yeah, you know, there's some
weird ingredient in them
Copy !req
817. that's not legal in the U.S. yet.
Copy !req
818. - Ephedrine?
- No.
Copy !req
819. - Phentermine.
- No.
Copy !req
820. It burns carbs.
It just burns up all your carbs.
Copy !req
821. I really wanna lose 3 pounds.
Copy !req
822. Oh, my God,
what are you talking about?
Copy !req
823. You're so skinny.
Copy !req
824. Shut up.
Copy !req
825. The weird thing about
hanging out with Regina
Copy !req
826. was that I could hate her,
and at the same time,
Copy !req
827. I still wanted her to like me.
Copy !req
828. OK. You have really
good eyebrows.
Copy !req
829. - Thanks.
- Move.
Copy !req
830. Same with Gretchen.
The meaner Regina was to her,
Copy !req
831. the more Gretchen
tried to win Regina back.
Copy !req
832. Ste knew it was better to be
in The Plastics, hating life
Copy !req
833. than to not be in at all.
Copy !req
834. Because being with The Plastics
was like being famous.
Copy !req
835. People looked at you all the time,
Copy !req
836. and everybody
just knew stuff about you.
Copy !req
837. That new girl
moved here from Africa.
Copy !req
838. I saw Cady Heron wearing
Army pants and flip-flops,
Copy !req
839. so I bought Army pants
and flip-flops.
Copy !req
840. That Cady girl is hot.
Copy !req
841. She might even be hotter
than Regina George.
Copy !req
842. I hear Regina George
is dating Aaron Samuels again.
Copy !req
843. The two were seen canoodling
at Chris Eisel's Halloween party.
Copy !req
844. They've been inseparable ever since.
Copy !req
845. I was a woman possessed.
Copy !req
846. I spent about 80 percent
of my time talking about Regina.
Copy !req
847. And the other 20 percent
of the time,
Copy !req
848. I was praying for someone
else to bring her up
Copy !req
849. so I could talk about her more.
Copy !req
850. She's not even that good-looking
if you really look at her.
Copy !req
851. I don't know.
Now that's she's getting fatter,
Copy !req
852. she's got pretty big jugs.
Copy !req
853. I could hear people
getting bored with me.
Copy !req
854. But I couldn't stop. It just kept
coming up like word vomit.
Copy !req
855. I have this theory that if you cut all her
hair off, she'd look like a British man.
Copy !req
856. Yeah, I know.
You told me that one before.
Copy !req
857. Hey, I'm having an art show.
Copy !req
858. So why don't you take
a night off from your double life.
Copy !req
859. - I want you to see it.
- Coolness.
Copy !req
860. What is that smell?
Copy !req
861. Oh, Regina gave me some perfume.
Copy !req
862. You smell like a baby prostitute.
Copy !req
863. Thanks.
Copy !req
864. Meanwhile, I was finding any excuse
I could to talk to Aaron.
Copy !req
865. I don't get this.
Do you get any of this?
Copy !req
866. Nice job, Cady.
Copy !req
867. Kind of seems like you get it.
Copy !req
868. If I was gonna keep this going,
I was gonna have to really commit.
Copy !req
869. Not your best.
Copy !req
870. Damn, Africa, what happened?
Copy !req
871. - How'd you do?
- Not so good.
Copy !req
872. You know, I think I need a tutor.
Copy !req
873. I'll tutor you, if you ever wanna get
together after school or something.
Copy !req
874. Do you think Regina would mind?
Copy !req
875. No. You guys are friends.
Copy !req
876. Well, maybe we just won't tell her.
Copy !req
877. So, what did you get for this one?
Copy !req
878. Well, the first time I did it,
I got a zero.
Copy !req
879. - Wrong.
- But then when I checked it, I got...
Copy !req
880. one.
- There you go.
Copy !req
881. I got one too.
Copy !req
882. Yeah, you have to check it
because sometimes the product
Copy !req
883. of two negative integers
is a positive number.
Copy !req
884. Yeah, like negative four
and negative six.
Copy !req
885. That's right. That's good.
Copy !req
886. Well, you're a good tutor.
Copy !req
887. Man, look, I... I can't do this.
Copy !req
888. - It's not fair to Regina.
- Why do you like her?
Copy !req
889. Look, I know she can be really
mean sometimes, but...
Copy !req
890. - Then why do you like her?
- Why do you?
Copy !req
891. Look, there's good and bad
to everybody. Right?
Copy !req
892. Regina's just...
Copy !req
893. - She's just more up-front about it.
- Oh, no. It was coming up.
Copy !req
894. The word vomit.
I didn't mean to say it, but...
Copy !req
895. She's cheating on you!
Copy !req
896. What?
Copy !req
897. Did he say why?
Copy !req
898. Somebody told him
about Shane Oman.
Copy !req
899. Who?
Copy !req
900. He said some guy
on the baseball team.
Copy !req
901. Baseball team?
Copy !req
902. I gave him everything.
I was half a virgin when I met him.
Copy !req
903. You wanna do something fun?
Copy !req
904. You wanna go to Taco Bell?
Copy !req
905. I can't go to Taco Bell,
I'm on an all-carb diet.
Copy !req
906. God, Karen, you are so stupid!
Copy !req
907. Regina, wait. Talk to me.
Copy !req
908. - Nobody understands me.
- I understand you.
Copy !req
909. You're not stupid, Karen.
Copy !req
910. No. I am, actually.
Copy !req
911. I'm failing almost everything.
Copy !req
912. Well, there must be something
you're good at.
Copy !req
913. I can put my whole fist
in my mouth.
Copy !req
914. Wanna see?
Copy !req
915. No. That's OK.
Copy !req
916. Anything else?
Copy !req
917. I'm kind of psychic.
Copy !req
918. I have a fifth sense.
Copy !req
919. - What do you mean?
- It's like I have ESPN or something.
Copy !req
920. My breasts can always tell
when it's gonna rain.
Copy !req
921. Really? That's amazing.
Copy !req
922. Well, they can tell when it's raining.
Copy !req
923. I have to admit,
I was mildly horrified
Copy !req
924. when Aaron didn't immediately
ask me to be his girlfriend.
Copy !req
925. I mean, I know he was sad,
but how much time did he need?
Copy !req
926. Regina had moved on.
Copy !req
927. Do you guys need anything?
Some snacks?
Copy !req
928. A condom?
Copy !req
929. Let me know.
Oh, God love you.
Copy !req
930. But overall, the plan
was going pretty well.
Copy !req
931. Aaron had dumped Regina,
and she was unknowingly
Copy !req
932. eating 5,000 calories a day.
Copy !req
933. It was time to turn our attention
to the army of skanks.
Copy !req
934. And finally, the nominees for
Spring Fling Queen are as follows:
Copy !req
935. And finally, the nominees for
Spring Fling Queen are as follows:
Copy !req
936. Regina George.
Copy !req
937. Gretchen Wieners.
Copy !req
938. Janis Ian.
Copy !req
939. What is happening to the world?
Copy !req
940. And the final nominee...
Copy !req
941. I couldn't help myself.
It was so easy.
Copy !req
942. is Cady Heron.
Copy !req
943. Damian, you put me in there too?
That's not part of the plan.
Copy !req
944. I didn't put you in there.
Copy !req
945. You mean I'm really nominated?
Copy !req
946. In January, Regina had put
a Spring Fling dress on hold
Copy !req
947. at a store called 1-3-5.
Copy !req
948. But being Plastic,
she needed our advice
Copy !req
949. before she could actually buy it.
Copy !req
950. Can someone zip me up?
Copy !req
951. - It won't close.
- It's a 5.
Copy !req
952. OK, it must be marked wrong.
Copy !req
953. Cady, all I've been eating are
these Kälteen bars. They suck.
Copy !req
954. No, no, this is just how they work.
Copy !req
955. This is all your water weight.
Copy !req
956. First you bloat, and then you
drop 10 pounds like that:
Copy !req
957. Well, the Kälteen bars
have burned up all your carbs,
Copy !req
958. and now your body's
just running on water.
Copy !req
959. But once the water's gone,
then you'll be all muscle.
Copy !req
960. It explains it all on the label.
Copy !req
961. You know Swedish?
Copy !req
962. Yeah, everyone in Africa
can read Swedish.
Copy !req
963. Ma'am, do you have this
in the next size up?
Copy !req
964. Sorry. We only carry
sizes 1, 3 and 5.
Copy !req
965. You could try Sears.
Copy !req
966. Cady.
Copy !req
967. I need your parents to sign this
so they know that you're failing.
Copy !req
968. Failing?
Copy !req
969. You know what's weird
about your quizzes, Cady,
Copy !req
970. is that all the work is right
and just the answers are wrong.
Copy !req
971. - Really?
- Really.
Copy !req
972. Cady, I know that having a boyfriend
Copy !req
973. may seem like the most important
thing in the world right now,
Copy !req
974. but you don't have to dumb yourself
down to get guys to like you.
Copy !req
975. - How would you know?
- I know,
Copy !req
976. "How would I know", right?
Copy !req
977. I'm divorced.
I'm broke from getting divorced.
Copy !req
978. The only guy that ever calls my house
is Randy from Chase Visa.
Copy !req
979. And you know why?
Copy !req
980. Because I'm a pusher.
I push people.
Copy !req
981. I pushed my husband into law school.
That was a bust.
Copy !req
982. I pushed myself
into working three jobs.
Copy !req
983. And now I'm gonna push you
Copy !req
984. because I know
you're smarter than this.
Copy !req
985. Thanks, Ms. Norbury.
And if there's anything I can do
Copy !req
986. for extra credit, please let me know.
Copy !req
987. Oh, I will.
Copy !req
988. I hate her! I mean, she's totally
failing me on purpose
Copy !req
989. because I didn't join
those stupid Mathletes!
Copy !req
990. She was so queer.
Copy !req
991. She was like, "I'm a pusher, Cady.
I'm a pusher."
Copy !req
992. What does that even mean?
Copy !req
993. - Like a drug pusher?
- Probably.
Copy !req
994. She said she works three jobs.
Copy !req
995. You know, I bet she sells drugs
on the side
Copy !req
996. to pay for her pathetic divorce.
Copy !req
997. You let it out, honey.
Copy !req
998. Put it in the book.
Copy !req
999. I know it may look
like I'd become a bitch,
Copy !req
1000. but that's only because
I was acting like a bitch.
Copy !req
1001. Hey, I called you last night.
How come you didn't call me back?
Copy !req
1002. Oh, I got busy. Sorry.
Copy !req
1003. So you need a ride to my art show
this weekend?
Copy !req
1004. No. I have to go to Madison
with my parents.
Copy !req
1005. I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
1006. Well, you wanna
watch a movie tonight?
Copy !req
1007. Can't. I'm doing major
Plastic sabotage tonight.
Copy !req
1008. But we don't have anything
planned for tonight.
Copy !req
1009. Oh, I planned this one on my own.
Copy !req
1010. Love you. Bye.
Copy !req
1011. Gretchen thinks you're mad at her
Copy !req
1012. because she's running
for Spring Fling Queen.
Copy !req
1013. Oh, my God, I'm not mad at her.
I'm worried about her.
Copy !req
1014. I think somebody nominated her
as a joke or something.
Copy !req
1015. And when nobody votes for her,
she's gonna have a total meltdown.
Copy !req
1016. And who's gonna have
to take care of her? Me.
Copy !req
1017. So you don't think
anyone will vote for her?
Copy !req
1018. Cady, she's not pretty.
Copy !req
1019. I mean, that sounds bad,
but whatever.
Copy !req
1020. The Spring Fling Queen
is always pretty.
Copy !req
1021. And the crazy thing is
is that it should be Karen,
Copy !req
1022. but people forget about her
because she's such a slut.
Copy !req
1023. Anyway, I gotta go.
I'm going to bed.
Copy !req
1024. Well, she's not mad at you.
Copy !req
1025. - Hold on.
- Are you OK?
Copy !req
1026. - Hello?
- If someone said something bad
Copy !req
1027. about you, you'd want me
to tell you, right?
Copy !req
1028. - No.
- What if it was someone
Copy !req
1029. you thought was your friend?
Copy !req
1030. What are you...?
Hold on. Other line.
Copy !req
1031. - I'm not taking this anymore.
- Good for you, Gretch.
Copy !req
1032. - Hello?
- Let's go out.
Copy !req
1033. OK. Hold on. I'm on the other
line with Gretchen.
Copy !req
1034. Don't invite Gretchen.
She's driving me nuts.
Copy !req
1035. - Hold on.
- OK, hurry up.
Copy !req
1036. It's Regina.
Copy !req
1037. She wants to hang out with me
tonight, but she told me not to tell you.
Copy !req
1038. Do not hang out with her.
Copy !req
1039. - Why?
- You don't want me to tell you.
Copy !req
1040. You can tell me. Hold on.
Copy !req
1041. Oh, my God,
she's so annoying.
Copy !req
1042. Who is?
Copy !req
1043. - Who's this?
- Gretchen.
Copy !req
1044. Right. Hold on.
Copy !req
1045. - Oh, my God, she's so annoying.
- I know. Just get rid of her.
Copy !req
1046. OK. What is it?
Copy !req
1047. Regina says everyone hates you
because you're such a slut.
Copy !req
1048. She said that?
Copy !req
1049. You didn't hear it from me.
Copy !req
1050. - Little harsh, Gretch.
- Whatever. She has a right to know.
Copy !req
1051. I can't go out.
Copy !req
1052. I'm sick.
Copy !req
1053. Boo. You whore.
Copy !req
1054. Regina,
Copy !req
1055. we have to talk to you.
Copy !req
1056. Is butter a carb?
Copy !req
1057. Yes.
Copy !req
1058. Regina, you're wearing sweatpants.
Copy !req
1059. It's Monday.
Copy !req
1060. - So?
- So that's against the rules
Copy !req
1061. and you can't sit with us.
Copy !req
1062. Whatever. Those rules aren't real.
Copy !req
1063. They were real
that day I wore a vest.
Copy !req
1064. - Because that vest was disgusting.
- You can't sit with us!
Copy !req
1065. These sweatpants are all
that fits me right now.
Copy !req
1066. Fine.
Copy !req
1067. You can walk home, bitches.
Copy !req
1068. Watch where you're going, fat-ass!
Copy !req
1069. Gretchen and Karen followed me
around all afternoon.
Copy !req
1070. - So, what are we doing this weekend?
- Yeah, what are we doing?
Copy !req
1071. Oh, I have to go to Madison
with my parents.
Copy !req
1072. What...?
Copy !req
1073. We have tickets for this thing.
Copy !req
1074. - What?
- What?
Copy !req
1075. Was I the new queen bee?
Copy !req
1076. I can try and get out of it.
Copy !req
1077. - Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Copy !req
1078. Because I told my friend Janis
I'd go to her art show.
Copy !req
1079. We've had these tickets for months.
Copy !req
1080. You love Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
Copy !req
1081. But she's my friend,
and I made her a promise.
Copy !req
1082. I think Cady's old enough
to spend one night on her own.
Copy !req
1083. I had learned how to control
everyone around me.
Copy !req
1084. Hey. I'm having a small get-together
at my house tomorrow night.
Copy !req
1085. - Is Regina going?
- No. Do you think I'm an idiot?
Copy !req
1086. No, it's just gonna be
a few cool people,
Copy !req
1087. and you better be
one of them, byotch.
Copy !req
1088. - Fine, I'll go.
- Shut up.
Copy !req
1089. I love that shirt on you.
Copy !req
1090. Aaron Samuels was going to be
in my touse at my party.
Copy !req
1091. Everything had to be perfect.
Copy !req
1092. And this time when Aaron saw me,
Copy !req
1093. I wouldn't be caught
in some ridiculous costume.
Copy !req
1094. Hey, guys.
Copy !req
1095. - You look awesome!
- You look awesome!
Copy !req
1096. I know, right?
Copy !req
1097. OK, so I got enough cheese
and crackers for eight people.
Copy !req
1098. Do you think that's enough?
Copy !req
1099. - Yeah.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
1100. OK.
Copy !req
1101. It was not enough.
Copy !req
1102. Somehow, the word had gotten out
about my small get-together.
Copy !req
1103. Jason is here with Taylor Wedell.
Copy !req
1104. He's just using her
to make you mad.
Copy !req
1105. - Have you guys seen Aaron yet?
- No.
Copy !req
1106. Dude, put on
"The Ramayana Monkey Chant".
Copy !req
1107. - Do I know you?
- Deek! What up, dog?
Copy !req
1108. She thinks she's gonna have
a party and not invite me?
Copy !req
1109. - Who does she think she is?
- You're right, hon.
Copy !req
1110. I, like, invented her,
you know what I mean?
Copy !req
1111. Jason.
Copy !req
1112. I have to talk to you.
Copy !req
1113. Whatever.
Copy !req
1114. - I love you.
- I know, I know.
Copy !req
1115. Hey! Put that down!
Copy !req
1116. Was Aaron blowing me off?
Copy !req
1117. What's up?
Gretchen came to talk to me.
Copy !req
1118. - Oh, no.
- Look,
Copy !req
1119. I don't wanna hurt your feelings,
but I only date women of color.
Copy !req
1120. I have to pee.
Copy !req
1121. Get out.
Copy !req
1122. - Hey.
- Hey.
Copy !req
1123. I've been looking
for you everywhere.
Copy !req
1124. Me too.
Copy !req
1125. You look...
Copy !req
1126. - New clothes?
- Thanks.
Copy !req
1127. You wanna go downstairs?
Copy !req
1128. No, no. Let's stay here.
Copy !req
1129. Thanks for getting me
to come out tonight.
Copy !req
1130. Yeah, sure, no problem.
Copy !req
1131. I wasted too much time
being pissed off at Regina.
Copy !req
1132. No more liars.
Copy !req
1133. I would never lie to you.
Copy !req
1134. I know, I know.
Copy !req
1135. Although...
Copy !req
1136. OK, listen.
I mean, I did lie to you once,
Copy !req
1137. but you're totally gonna laugh
when I tell you, so...
Copy !req
1138. Tell me what?
Copy !req
1139. I pretended to be bad at math
so that you'd help me.
Copy !req
1140. But the thing is,
I'm not really bad at math.
Copy !req
1141. I'm actually really good at math.
You're kind of bad at math.
Copy !req
1142. Anyways, now I'm failing.
Isn't that funny?
Copy !req
1143. Wait. You're failing on purpose?
That's stupid.
Copy !req
1144. No. Not on purpose.
Just, you know...
Copy !req
1145. I just wanted a reason to talk to you.
Copy !req
1146. So why didn't you just talk to me?
Copy !req
1147. Well, because I couldn't.
Because of Regina.
Copy !req
1148. Because you were her property...
Copy !req
1149. - Her property?
- No. Shut up. Not her property...
Copy !req
1150. No, don't tell me to shut up.
Copy !req
1151. - I wasn't...
- God, you know what?
Copy !req
1152. You are just like a clone of Regina.
Copy !req
1153. Oh, no, no, listen to me.
You're not listening to me...
Copy !req
1154. Oh, no. It was coming up again.
Word vomit. No, wait a minute...
Copy !req
1155. - What is this?
- Actual vomit.
Copy !req
1156. Aaron!
Copy !req
1157. Aaron, wait! Just...
Copy !req
1158. OK. Call me.
Copy !req
1159. - Oh, God.
- You dirty little liar.
Copy !req
1160. I'm sorry. I can explain.
Copy !req
1161. Explain how you forgot
to invite us to your party?
Copy !req
1162. Janis, I cannot stop this car.
I have a curfew.
Copy !req
1163. You know I couldn't invite you.
I had to pretend to be Plastic.
Copy !req
1164. Hey, buddy, you're not
pretending anymore.
Copy !req
1165. You're Plastic.
Cold, shiny, hard Plastic.
Copy !req
1166. Curfew, 1 a.m. It is now 1:10.
Copy !req
1167. Did you have an awesome time?
Copy !req
1168. Did you drink awesome shooters
and listen to awesome music,
Copy !req
1169. and then just sit around and soak up
each other's awesomeness?
Copy !req
1170. You're the one who made me like this
Copy !req
1171. so you could use me
for your eighth-grade revenge.
Copy !req
1172. God! See, at least me and
Regina George know we're mean.
Copy !req
1173. You try to act like you're so innocent.
Like, "Oh, I used to live in Africa
Copy !req
1174. with all the little birdies
and the little monkeys."
Copy !req
1175. You know what? It's not my fault
you're in love with me or something!
Copy !req
1176. - What?
- Oh, no she did not!
Copy !req
1177. See? That is the thing
with you Plastics.
Copy !req
1178. You think that everybody
is in love with you,
Copy !req
1179. when actually, everybody hates you.
Copy !req
1180. Like Aaron Samuels, for example.
Copy !req
1181. He broke up with Regina
and guess what.
Copy !req
1182. He still doesn't want you.
Copy !req
1183. So why are you still messing
with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why.
Copy !req
1184. Because you are a mean girl!
You're a bitch!
Copy !req
1185. Here. You can have this.
It won a prize.
Copy !req
1186. And I want my pink shirt back!
Copy !req
1187. I want my pink shirt back!
Copy !req
1188. Hon, slow down.
Copy !req
1189. It's like I can't trust anyone anymore.
Copy !req
1190. Why are you eating a Kälteen bar?
Copy !req
1191. - I'm starving.
- Man, I hate those things.
Copy !req
1192. Coach Carr makes us eat those when
we wanna move up a weight class.
Copy !req
1193. What?
Copy !req
1194. They make you gain weight like crazy.
Copy !req
1195. Mother...
Copy !req
1196. This girl is the nastiest skank bitch
Copy !req
1197. I've ever met.
Copy !req
1198. Do not trust her. She is a fugly slut!
Copy !req
1199. I found it in the girls' bathroom.
It's so mean, Mr. Duvall.
Copy !req
1200. Is this true?
Copy !req
1201. Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr?
Copy !req
1202. Good Lord.
Copy !req
1203. What's that say?
"Kaitlyn Caussin is a..."?
Copy !req
1204. Fat whore.
Copy !req
1205. OK, calm down, Miss George.
Copy !req
1206. Why would someone write that?
That's just so mean.
Copy !req
1207. Don't worry, we're gonna
find out who did it.
Copy !req
1208. There's only three girls
in the whole school who aren't in it.
Copy !req
1209. At your age, you're gonna
be having a lot of urges.
Copy !req
1210. You're gonna want to take off
your clothes and touch each other.
Copy !req
1211. But if you do touch each other,
you will get chlamydia. And die.
Copy !req
1212. Coach Carr.
Copy !req
1213. Cady Heron, they wanna see you
in the principal's office.
Copy !req
1214. All right, chlamydia. K-L-A...
Copy !req
1215. In here, Miss Heron.
Copy !req
1216. - What's going on?
- Have a seat, Miss Heron.
Copy !req
1217. - Have you ever seen this before?
- No.
Copy !req
1218. I mean, yes, I've seen it before,
but it's not mine.
Copy !req
1219. You better get your story straight,
Miss Heron,
Copy !req
1220. because I'm not messing
around here.
Copy !req
1221. It's not ours, it's Regina's.
Copy !req
1222. Yeah, she's trying to make it look
like we wrote it, but really, she wrote it.
Copy !req
1223. Miss Wieners, why would Regina
refer to herself as a "fugly slut"?
Copy !req
1224. Miss Smith, this is no time
to be laughing.
Copy !req
1225. We're gonna get to the bottom
of this right now.
Copy !req
1226. Maybe we're not in that book,
because everybody likes us.
Copy !req
1227. And I don't wanna be punished
for being well-liked.
Copy !req
1228. And I don't think my father,
the inventor of Toaster Strudel,
Copy !req
1229. would be too pleased
to hear about this.
Copy !req
1230. "Made out with a hot dog"?
Copy !req
1231. Oh, my God, that was one time!
Copy !req
1232. "Dawn Schweitzer has a huge ass"?
Who would write that?
Copy !req
1233. Who wouldn't write that?
Copy !req
1234. "Trang Pak made out
with Coach Carr"?
Copy !req
1235. And so did Sun Jin Dinh.
Copy !req
1236. Hey! Hey! Settle down!
All right, hey.
Copy !req
1237. No. You do not push and sh...
Copy !req
1238. Do you have anything else
you wanna say?
Copy !req
1239. No, I can't answer any
more questions
Copy !req
1240. until I have a parent
or lawyer present.
Copy !req
1241. Miss Smith?
Copy !req
1242. Whoever wrote it probably didn't
think anyone would ever see it?
Copy !req
1243. I hope that nobody else
ever does see it.
Copy !req
1244. Mom, can you pick me up?
I'm scared.
Copy !req
1245. - "Janis Ian, dyke"?
- That's original.
Copy !req
1246. - "Too gay to function"?
- Hey!
Copy !req
1247. That's only OK when I say it.
Copy !req
1248. - Did you write this?
- No, I swear!
Copy !req
1249. - Then you told somebody!
- She told!
Copy !req
1250. - You little bitch!
- You're a bitch!
Copy !req
1251. Yeah! Take your top off!
Copy !req
1252. - Now, here's what we're gonna do...
- Ron, come quick!
Copy !req
1253. They've gone wild.
The girls have gone wild.
Copy !req
1254. It was full-tilt jungle madness.
Copy !req
1255. And it wasn't going away.
Copy !req
1256. Hey, I pulled these two off each other.
Copy !req
1257. Coach Carr, step away
from the underage girls.
Copy !req
1258. Let me help you down there.
Copy !req
1259. Hell, no! I did not leave
the Southside for this!
Copy !req
1260. Oh, crap! My hair!
Copy !req
1261. All junior girls report to the gymnasium
immediately! Immediately!
Copy !req
1262. Have you ever walked up to people
Copy !req
1263. and realized they were just
talking about you?
Copy !req
1264. Have you ever had it happen
60 times in a row?
Copy !req
1265. I have.
Copy !req
1266. Never in my 14 years as an educator
have I seen such behavior.
Copy !req
1267. And from young ladies.
Copy !req
1268. I got parents calling me on the phone
asking, "Did someone get shot?"
Copy !req
1269. I ought to cancel your Spring Fling.
Copy !req
1270. No!
Copy !req
1271. - No.
- What are we supposed to do?
Copy !req
1272. Now, I'm not gonna do that,
because we've already paid the DJ.
Copy !req
1273. But don't think that I'm not taking
this book seriously.
Copy !req
1274. Coach Carr has fled school property.
Copy !req
1275. Ms. Norbury has been
accused of selling drugs.
Copy !req
1276. Now, what the young ladies
in this grade need
Copy !req
1277. is an attitude makeover.
Copy !req
1278. And you're gonna get it right now.
Copy !req
1279. I don't care how long it takes,
I will keep you here all night.
Copy !req
1280. We can't keep them past 4.
Copy !req
1281. I will keep you here until 4.
Copy !req
1282. Now, what we're gonna try to do
is fix the way you young ladies
Copy !req
1283. relate to each other.
Copy !req
1284. OK? Lady to lady.
Copy !req
1285. So who has a lady problem
that they'd like to talk about?
Copy !req
1286. Yes?
Copy !req
1287. Somebody wrote in that book
that I'm lying about being a virgin
Copy !req
1288. because I use super-jumbo tampons.
Copy !req
1289. But I can't help it if I've got
a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina.
Copy !req
1290. Yeah, I can't do this.
Copy !req
1291. Ms. Norbury.
Copy !req
1292. You're a successful, intelligent,
caring, graceful woman.
Copy !req
1293. I am?
Copy !req
1294. There has to be something
you can say to these young ladies.
Copy !req
1295. Something to help them
with their self-esteem?
Copy !req
1296. It's not a self-esteem problem.
Copy !req
1297. I think they're all pretty
pleased with themselves.
Copy !req
1298. OK.
Copy !req
1299. OK. Everybody close your eyes.
Copy !req
1300. I want you to raise your hand
if you have ever had a girl
Copy !req
1301. say something bad
about you behind your back.
Copy !req
1302. Open your eyes.
Copy !req
1303. Now, close your eyes again.
Copy !req
1304. And this time, I want you to raise
your hand if you have ever
Copy !req
1305. said anything about a friend
behind her back.
Copy !req
1306. Open them.
Copy !req
1307. There's been some
girl-on-girl crime here.
Copy !req
1308. OK. So, what we could do today
is a couple exercises to help you
Copy !req
1309. express your anger in a healthy way.
Copy !req
1310. Let's start over here.
Copy !req
1311. Ms. Norbury had us confront
each other directly
Copy !req
1312. about the things
that were bothering us.
Copy !req
1313. And it seemed like every clique
had its own problems.
Copy !req
1314. You've been acting really stuck-up
ever since you switched to shortfielder.
Copy !req
1315. And Dawn agrees with me.
Copy !req
1316. - Dawn?
- Don't drag me into this,
Copy !req
1317. I'm pitching tomorrow.
Copy !req
1318. OK. Good.
Copy !req
1319. Can I just say that we don't have
a clique problem at this school?
Copy !req
1320. And some of us shouldn't have to take
this workshop, because some of us
Copy !req
1321. are just victims in this situation.
Copy !req
1322. That's probably true.
How many of you
Copy !req
1323. have ever felt personally
victimized by Regina George?
Copy !req
1324. Good. OK, who's next?
Copy !req
1325. Who's next?
Copy !req
1326. Cady.
Copy !req
1327. Do you have anything
you wanna own up to?
Copy !req
1328. Yes.
No.
Copy !req
1329. You never made up a rumor
about anybody?
Copy !req
1330. Just that you sell drugs.
Copy !req
1331. No.
Copy !req
1332. Nothing you want to apologize for?
Copy !req
1333. I couldn't apologize to Ms. Norbury
Copy !req
1334. without getting blamed
for the whole Burn Book.
Copy !req
1335. No.
Copy !req
1336. I'm really disappointed in you, Cady.
Copy !req
1337. OK, so we're all here
because of this book, right?
Copy !req
1338. Well, I don't know
who wrote this book,
Copy !req
1339. but you all have got to stop
calling each other sluts and whores.
Copy !req
1340. It just makes it OK for guys
to call you sluts and whores.
Copy !req
1341. Who here has ever been called a slut?
Copy !req
1342. OK, everybody up.
Copy !req
1343. Ms. Norbury had us
write out apologies
Copy !req
1344. to people that we'd hurt in our lives.
Copy !req
1345. "Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you
a gap-toothed bitch."
Copy !req
1346. "It's not your fault
you're so gap-toothed."
Copy !req
1347. "Gretchen,
Copy !req
1348. "I'm sorry I laughed
at you that time you got diarrhea"
Copy !req
1349. "at Barnes and Noble."
Copy !req
1350. "And I'm sorry I told everyone about it."
Copy !req
1351. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
Copy !req
1352. Laura, I don't hate you
because you're fat.
Copy !req
1353. You're fat because I hate you.
Copy !req
1354. I just wish we could all get along
like we used to in middle school.
Copy !req
1355. I wish that I could bake a cake
made out of rainbows and smiles,
Copy !req
1356. and we'd all eat it and be happy.
Copy !req
1357. She doesn't even go here!
Copy !req
1358. Do you even go to this school?
Copy !req
1359. No. I just have a lot of feelings.
Copy !req
1360. OK, go home.
Copy !req
1361. Sharon, I think you're doing
a great job.
Copy !req
1362. Thanks. I feel like I'm getting through.
Copy !req
1363. I'm sorry that people
are so jealous of me.
Copy !req
1364. But I can't help it that I'm popular.
Copy !req
1365. Oh, my God! Oh, jeez.
OK, walk it off. Walk it off.
Copy !req
1366. OK. That hurt.
Copy !req
1367. They're OK.
Copy !req
1368. They're OK.
Copy !req
1369. Oh, boy. OK, who's next?
Who's next? Keep it going.
Copy !req
1370. Oh, my God. It's her dream come true,
diving into a big pile of girls.
Copy !req
1371. OK, yeah, I've got an apology.
Copy !req
1372. So I have this friend
who is a new student this year.
Copy !req
1373. And I convinced her that it would be
fun to mess up Regina George's life.
Copy !req
1374. So I had her pretend
to be friends with Regina,
Copy !req
1375. and then she would come
to my house after
Copy !req
1376. and we would just laugh about
all the dumb stuff Regina said.
Copy !req
1377. And we gave her
these candy bar things
Copy !req
1378. that would make her gain weight,
Copy !req
1379. and we turned her best friends
against her.
Copy !req
1380. And then... Oh, yeah, Cady...
You know my friend Cady.
Copy !req
1381. She made out
with Regina's boyfriend
Copy !req
1382. and then convinced him
to break up with her.
Copy !req
1383. Oh, God, and we gave you foot cream
instead of face wash.
Copy !req
1384. God! I am so sorry, Regina.
Copy !req
1385. Really, I don't know why I did it.
Copy !req
1386. I guess it's probably because
I've got a big lesbian crush on you.
Copy !req
1387. Suck on that!
Copy !req
1388. Janis! Janis! Janis! Janis!
Copy !req
1389. Regina!
Copy !req
1390. Regina, wait! I didn't mean
for that to happen.
Copy !req
1391. To find out that everyone hates me?
I don't care.
Copy !req
1392. Regina, please! Regina, stop!
Copy !req
1393. No! Do you know
what everyone says about you?
Copy !req
1394. They say that you're
a home-schooled jungle freak,
Copy !req
1395. who's a less-hot version of me.
Copy !req
1396. Yeah. So don't try to act so innocent.
Copy !req
1397. You can take that fake apology
and shove it right up your hairy...
Copy !req
1398. And that's how Regina George died.
Copy !req
1399. No, I'm totally kidding.
But she did get hurt.
Copy !req
1400. Some girls say they saw her head
go all the way around.
Copy !req
1401. But that's just a rumor.
Some people swear they saw me
Copy !req
1402. push her in front of the bus.
That was an even worse rumor.
Copy !req
1403. - Everybody done?
- No. Mom, I didn't do it.
Copy !req
1404. I don't know what to believe anymore.
Copy !req
1405. Mom, believe me.
I'm your daughter.
Copy !req
1406. Why are my tribal vases
under the sink?
Copy !req
1407. My tribal vases.
Why were they under the sink?
Copy !req
1408. I don't know.
Copy !req
1409. This is the fertility vase
of the Ndebele tribe.
Copy !req
1410. - Does that mean anything to you?
- No.
Copy !req
1411. Who are you?
Copy !req
1412. Great. All my friends hate me,
and now my mom hates me.
Copy !req
1413. Your mom does not hate you.
Copy !req
1414. She's afraid of you.
Copy !req
1415. I don't know, maybe we
mainstream-schooled you too soon.
Copy !req
1416. Maybe you should come back and
be home-schooled again for a while.
Copy !req
1417. No. Only thing worse than
going back will be not going back.
Copy !req
1418. How bad's it gonna be tomorrow?
Copy !req
1419. Remember when we saw those lions
fighting over the wart hog carcass?
Copy !req
1420. I'll be the wart hog.
Copy !req
1421. You're not a wart hog,
Copy !req
1422. you're a lion.
Copy !req
1423. Just focus on your studies
for a little while.
Copy !req
1424. You're still an excellent student, right?
Copy !req
1425. Oh, yeah. I need you to sign
my calculus test.
Copy !req
1426. - Why?
- I'm failing.
Copy !req
1427. OK. You are...
Copy !req
1428. What do they call it?
Copy !req
1429. Grounded.
Copy !req
1430. You're grounded.
Copy !req
1431. She pushed her in front of the bus.
Copy !req
1432. Did you see her do it?
Copy !req
1433. Yes.
Copy !req
1434. Did your teacher ever try to sell you
marijuana or Ecstasy tablets?
Copy !req
1435. - No.
- What are marijuana tablets?
Copy !req
1436. What's going on?
Where's Ms. Norbury?
Copy !req
1437. Mr. Duvall, this is ridiculous.
Ms. Norbury does not sell drugs.
Copy !req
1438. I know, Aaron. But after
the allegations against Coach Carr
Copy !req
1439. turned out to be extremely true,
Copy !req
1440. the school board felt that it was best
that we investigate every claim made
Copy !req
1441. in this Burn Book.
Copy !req
1442. That book was written
by a bunch of stupid girls
Copy !req
1443. who make up rumors
because they're bored
Copy !req
1444. with their own lame lives.
Copy !req
1445. Well, unless someone wants to come
forward and say, "I made it all up",
Copy !req
1446. this is how we have to handle it.
To say that someone...
Copy !req
1447. Oh, no. Bye, Aaron.
You're gonna hate me forever.
Copy !req
1448. Mr. Duvall.
Copy !req
1449. I wrote it.
Copy !req
1450. Come on, Cady.
Copy !req
1451. When you get bit by a snake,
Copy !req
1452. you're supposed to suck
the poison out.
Copy !req
1453. That's what I had to do.
Suck all the poison out of my life.
Copy !req
1454. I started with Regina,
Copy !req
1455. who was living proof that the more
people are scared of you,
Copy !req
1456. the more flowers you get.
Copy !req
1457. Then there was Ms. Norbury,
Copy !req
1458. who was living proof that no
good deed goes unpunished.
Copy !req
1459. Oh, hi. Did you wanna
buy some drugs?
Copy !req
1460. - I'm just done with my quiz.
- Wait. I'll grade it right now.
Copy !req
1461. I gotta say, watching the police
search my house
Copy !req
1462. really was the cherry on top
of a fantastic year.
Copy !req
1463. How much trouble did you get in
for telling the truth?
Copy !req
1464. A lot.
Copy !req
1465. You didn't write that whole book
yourself.
Copy !req
1466. Did you tell Mr. Duvall who else did it?
Copy !req
1467. No, because I'm trying
this new thing
Copy !req
1468. where I don't talk about people
behind their backs.
Copy !req
1469. That's all right. Gething hit by a bus
is pretty good punishment.
Copy !req
1470. Ninety-four.
Copy !req
1471. Welcome back, nerd.
Copy !req
1472. Thanks.
Copy !req
1473. Anyway...
Copy !req
1474. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1475. I forgive you.
Copy !req
1476. But as my own personal
form of punishment,
Copy !req
1477. I figured out how you're gonna
earn that extra credit.
Copy !req
1478. What's up?
Copy !req
1479. Excellent. Great turnout this year.
Copy !req
1480. - All right. It's all you.
- OK.
Copy !req
1481. - Make me look good out there.
- OK.
Copy !req
1482. Marymount, you sons of bitches.
You no-good sons of bitches.
Copy !req
1483. - You nervous?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1484. Don't be. You can do this.
There's nothing to break your focus,
Copy !req
1485. because not one of those
Marymount boys is cute.
Copy !req
1486. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Copy !req
1487. Welcome to the Illinois High School
Mathletes State Championship.
Copy !req
1488. Let's start the competition.
Here is the first question.
Copy !req
1489. Twice the larger of two numbers
is three more than five times
Copy !req
1490. the smaller, and the sum
of four times the larger
Copy !req
1491. and three times the smaller is 71.
What are...?
Copy !req
1492. - North Shore?
- Fourteen and five.
Copy !req
1493. That is correct.
Question number two.
Copy !req
1494. Find an odd three-digit number
whose digits add up to 12.
Copy !req
1495. The digits are all different, and the
difference between the first two digits
Copy !req
1496. equals the difference between...
Copy !req
1497. - Marymount?
- 741.
Copy !req
1498. - Correct.
- Shoot. I was really rusty.
Copy !req
1499. - Where's Cady?
- She went out.
Copy !req
1500. She's grounded.
Copy !req
1501. Are they not allowed out
when they're grounded?
Copy !req
1502. Don't forget to vote for Spring Fling
King and Queen, people.
Copy !req
1503. These A-holes will represent you
for a full calendar year.
Copy !req
1504. I'm gonna vote for Regina George
because she got hit by that bus.
Copy !req
1505. I'm voting for Cady Heron
because she pushed her.
Copy !req
1506. She's supposed to be grounded,
but he let her out.
Copy !req
1507. After 87 minutes of very
competitive play, we have a tie.
Copy !req
1508. In the event of a tie, we move
into a sudden-death round.
Copy !req
1509. Each team is given the opportunity
to choose their opponent.
Copy !req
1510. - North Shore, who do you select?
- The girl, dude. The girl.
Copy !req
1511. Contestant Krafft.
Copy !req
1512. From Marymount,
Miss Caroline Krafft.
Copy !req
1513. We pick the girl too.
Copy !req
1514. And from North Shore,
Miss Cady Heron.
Copy !req
1515. It's Cady.
Copy !req
1516. Oh, my God, that's me.
Copy !req
1517. Miss Caroline Krafft seriously
needed to pluck her eyebrows.
Copy !req
1518. Her outfit looked like it was picked out
by a blind Sunday school teacher.
Copy !req
1519. And she had some 99-cent
lip gloss on her snaggletooth.
Copy !req
1520. And that's when I realized,
making fun of Caroline Krafft
Copy !req
1521. wouldn't stop her
from beating me in this contest.
Copy !req
1522. Contestants,
find the limit of this equation.
Copy !req
1523. Calling somebody else fat
won't make you any skinnier.
Copy !req
1524. Calling someone stupid
doesn't make you any smarter.
Copy !req
1525. And ruining Regina George's life
definitely didn't make me any happier.
Copy !req
1526. All you can do in life is try to solve
the problem in front of you.
Copy !req
1527. - The limit is negative one.
- Oh, crap. I lost.
Copy !req
1528. That answer is incorrect.
Copy !req
1529. Now, we are in a sudden death.
If Miss Heron can answer
Copy !req
1530. this problem correctly,
we have a winner.
Copy !req
1531. Limits. Why couldn't I remember
anything about limits?
Copy !req
1532. Limits. That was the week
Aaron got his hair cut.
Copy !req
1533. Oh, God, he looked so cute.
OK, focus, Cady.
Copy !req
1534. What was on the board
behind Aaron's head?
Copy !req
1535. If the limit never approaches
anything...
Copy !req
1536. The limit does not exist.
Copy !req
1537. The limit does not exist!
Copy !req
1538. Our new state champions,
Copy !req
1539. - the North Shore Mathletes.
- Yeah!
Copy !req
1540. How do you like me now?
Copy !req
1541. You like that? Yeah!
Get some! Get some!
Copy !req
1542. Awesome. You went
with the leather sleeves.
Copy !req
1543. - Africa, you did the damn thing.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
1544. Thanks, K.G.
Copy !req
1545. We're gonna look so kick-ass
in these when we roll into Spring Fling.
Copy !req
1546. - Oh, no, I'm not going.
- What?
Copy !req
1547. Cady, this is your night.
Don't let the haters
Copy !req
1548. stop you from doing your thang.
Copy !req
1549. Did you just say "thang"?
Copy !req
1550. Cady, you don't have to punish
yourself forever.
Copy !req
1551. But I'm grounded.
Copy !req
1552. You're already out.
Copy !req
1553. All right, do we have all
of our nominees
Copy !req
1554. for king and queen on the stage?
Copy !req
1555. OK, good. I just wanted to say
that you're all winners.
Copy !req
1556. And I could not be happier
that this school year's ending.
Copy !req
1557. Here we go. The winner
of the Spring Fling King,
Copy !req
1558. - Shane Oman.
- Yes!
Copy !req
1559. That's what I'm talking about!
Copy !req
1560. And your Spring Fling Queen,
Copy !req
1561. future co-chair
of the Student Activities Board
Copy !req
1562. and winner of two gift certificates
Copy !req
1563. to the Walker Brothers
Pancake House,
Copy !req
1564. Cady Heron.
Copy !req
1565. Where is Cady?
Copy !req
1566. There she is.
Copy !req
1567. Thanks.
Copy !req
1568. Well, half the people in this room
are mad at me.
Copy !req
1569. And the other half only like me
Copy !req
1570. because they think I pushed
somebody in front of a bus.
Copy !req
1571. So that's not good.
Copy !req
1572. You know, it's not really required
of you to make a speech.
Copy !req
1573. I'm almost done, I swear.
Copy !req
1574. To all the people whose feelings
that got hurt by the Burn Book,
Copy !req
1575. I'm really sorry.
Copy !req
1576. You know, I've never been
to one of these things before.
Copy !req
1577. And when I think about
how many people wanted this
Copy !req
1578. and how many people
cried over it and stuff...
Copy !req
1579. I mean, I think everybody
looks like royalty tonight.
Copy !req
1580. Look at Jessica Lopez.
That dress is amazing.
Copy !req
1581. And Emma Gerber, I mean,
that hairdo must have taken hours,
Copy !req
1582. and you look really pretty.
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1583. So...
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1584. why is everybody stressing
over this thing?
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1585. I mean, it's just plastic.
Could really just...
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1586. Share it.
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1587. A piece for Gretchen Wieners,
a partial Spring Fling Queen.
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1588. A piece for Janis Ian.
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1589. Seriously, most people
just take the crown and go.
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1590. And a piece for Regina George.
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1591. She fractured her spine,
and she still looks like a rock star.
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1592. Thank you.
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1593. And some for everybody else.
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1594. God, Mr. Duvall, can you wrap it up?
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1595. Thanks.
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1596. All right, have a good time, everyone.
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1597. Look. I'm a queen.
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1598. As am I.
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1599. - Hey.
- Hey.
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1600. So are we still in a fight?
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1601. Are you still an asshole?
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1602. I don't think so.
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1603. Well, then I guess we're OK.
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1604. Oh, my God, I love this song!
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1605. I hate this song.
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1606. I know this song!
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1607. Man candy, stage right.
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1608. - Hey, what's up?
- Hey. Didn't think you'd make it.
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1609. On behalf of the senior class, I'd like to
present you with two gift certificates...
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1610. - Thanks, sucker.
- Yo, peace.
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1611. One gift certificate to
the Walker Brothers Pancake House.
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1612. Thank you.
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1613. Congratulations on winning State.
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1614. I was so nervous.
They made us do limits.
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1615. I thought I was gonna hurl.
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1616. - How's your stomach now?
- It's fine.
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1617. - Do you feel nauseous at all?
- No.
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1618. - Have you been drinking?
- No.
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1619. OK.
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1620. Grool.
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1621. No.
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1622. - What's up?
- Can I help you?
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1623. You Puerto Rican?
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1624. Lebanese.
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1625. I feel that.
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1626. In case you're wondering,
The Plastics broke up.
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1627. Regina's spine healed,
and her physical therapist
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1628. taught her to channel
all her rage into sports.
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1629. It was perfect because
the jock girls weren't afraid of her.
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1630. Karen used her special talents to do
the morning weather announcements.
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1631. Hi. This is Karen Smith.
It's 68 degrees,
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1632. and there's a 30 percent chance
that it's already raining.
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1633. And Gretchen found herself
a new clique
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1634. and a new queen bee to serve.
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1635. Aaron went to Northwestern,
so I still get to see him on weekends.
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1636. And me?
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1637. I had gone from home-schooled
jungle freak to shiny Plastic
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1638. to most hated person in the world
to actual human being.
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1639. Hey.
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1640. All the drama from last year
just wasn't important anymore.
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1641. School used to be like a shark tank,
but now I could just float.
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1642. Regina.
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1643. Finally, Girl World was at peace.
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1644. Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics.
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1645. And if any freshmen
tried to disturb that peace...
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1646. Well, let's just say we knew
how to take care of it.
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1647. Just kidding.
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