1. I got a star on my car
and one on my chest
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2. A gun on my hip
and the right to arrest
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3. I'm the guy who's the boss
on this highway
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4. So watch out what you're doing'
when you're driving' my way
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5. If you break the law
you'll hear from me I know
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6. I'm working for the state
I'm the highway patrol
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7. Well, you know me when you see me
'cause my door's painted white
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8. My siren a- screaming'
and my flashing' red light
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9. I work all day
and I work all night
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10. Just to keep the law and order
trying' to do what's right
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11. If I write you out a ticket
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12. Then you better drive slow
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13. I'm just a-doing' my job
I'm the highway patrol
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14. I'm the highway patrol
The highway patrol
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15. My hours are long
and my pay is low
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16. But I'll do my best
to keep you driving' slow
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17. I'm justa-doin' my job
I'm the highway patrol
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18. Meet Charlie—
helpful dad, upstanding citizen...
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19. and an 18-year veteran of the greatest
law enforcement agency in the land.
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20. - the Rhode island State Police.
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21. That's Charlie's home—
modest, like the man.
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22. Even though he lived
on the water,
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23. Charlie wasn't
much of a swimmer...
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24. which will come into play
a little later in our story.
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25. But lama getting way ahead
of myself.
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26. You know, maybe it's best if we just
go back and begin at the beginning.
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27. As a young man, Charlie had the world
by its bootstraps.
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28. He was the best young trooper
on the force...
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29. and was dating the prettiest
and smartest gal in town.
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30. Her name was Layla,
just like the melody.
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31. Mmm, Charlie.
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32. You have no idea
how much I love you.
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33. - Yeah?
- Yeah.
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34. - Well, will you stay with me
no matter what? - Of course, Charlie.
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35. Well, what if I had to move to the
Arctic, and you could never come home,
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36. and you had to eat whale blubber
for the rest of your life?
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37. - Would you still stay with me?
- Yeah, I'd stay.
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38. - But I hope that never happens.
- Yeah, me too.
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39. Well, by spring time,
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40. they had made it official.
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41. Boy, le tme tell you,
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42. that was some wedding.
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43. It was presided over
by Father Ken Gumbert,
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44. and half the Rhode lsland
State Police Force was in attendance.
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45. - Congratulations, Charlie.
- Thank you, Captain.
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46. - Ooh!
- All right.
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47. - Lookwhat I got.
- Ooh!
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48. Whoo. Here we go.
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49. Ah.
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50. Oh, um, excuse me.
Do you people take checks?
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51. Say that again. Do we people
take checks? You mean, the black man?
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52. No, no, no, no, no.
God, no. Your company.
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53. Don't give me that backtracking
bullshit. That was a racist slur!
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54. No, it wasn't, really.
I-l would never—
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55. Tell you what!
I'll make it real easy for you.
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56. Why don'tyoujust pay me
in cotton or a cartload of watermelons?
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57. Or how's about a couple
of them buckets of fried chicken?
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58. 'Cause you know how we black people—
we just love fried chicken, Mr. Charlie.
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59. - Hey, no, come on now. Settle down.
- What's going on?
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60. This cat don't believe
a nigger knows how to cash a check. Ain't that about a bitch!
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61. Charlie, I don't wanna ever hear you
use the " N" word in this house.
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62. What? l— I never said
anything remotely racist.
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63. - Oh, so it's
the little people thing then? - No!
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64. You think just 'cause I'm small,
you can just push me around?
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65. Well, come on, my friend,
let's boogie.
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66. - I'm gonna giveyou a little
lesson in low center of gravity. - What?
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67. - Hey, whoa, hey, stop it!
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68. Hey! Cut it—
Stop it now. Sir!
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69. Don't patronize me
with that "sir" crap.
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70. - Whoa, hey, those are illegal.
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71. Stop. Oh, God! Ow!
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72. - Oh, it's on now! It's on.
- Charlie!
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73. - Charlie, don'thithim!
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74. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, stop it!
Charlie, stop it!
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75. Charlie, Charlie. Hey, hey, hey,
just let me handle this. Stop it!
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76. Excuse me, Mister, um,
"Jackson"--
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77. Uh— Oh, stop it!
What-What-What is your first name?
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78. - It's Shonte.
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79. Shonte, I'm— I am—
I am so, so sorry. I apologize.
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80. Oh, come on, here.
Let me walk you to your car.
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81. I just don't have the patience for
people who judge books by their cover.
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82. And you shouldn't have to.
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83. Treating me like a dumbshit. I mean,
who does he think he's talking to?
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84. I'm a tenured professor
of molecular genetics over at Brown,
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85. - and I'm head
of the Boston chapter of MENSA. - You're kidding?
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86. No. I'm just driving this limo
as a sociologic experiment, that's it.
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87. - But MENSA? I'm president
of the Providence chapter. - Nokidding.
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88. Just when Charlie thought
life couldn't get any sweeter,
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89. old Mr. Stork dropped in
to pay him and Layla a visit.
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90. - It's a boy!
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91. Oh, boy, oy, oy.
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92. Wow!
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93. He's so— Wow!
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94. - Huh? What?
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95. - Whoa, oh, my God, we're in luck. He's got company!
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96. - Push! Push!
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97. Charlie loved those boys so much,
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98. he just couldn't face
the truth.
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99. And so he went on with his life,
as if everything was normal.
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100. Hey, Finneran.
Hey, Buddy.
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101. - Hey! Hope you brought
your appetite with ya. - Oh, I did.
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102. - Ahh!
- Charlie, your kids look great.
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103. - Yeah, don't they? Thanks.
- Uh-huh.
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104. - Charlie,
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105. just between you and me,
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106. did you ever notice that your kids have
sort of a year-round tan?
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107. Yeah, well, uh—
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108. - My great grandmother's halfltalian.
- Halfltalian?
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109. Oh, yeah.
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110. Well, that's probablywhy
the water beads off their hair, huh?
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111. Yeah, so?
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112. - I mean, a lot of people have
different kind of hair. - Oh, yeah.
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113. I mean, what are you—
what are you— what are you getting at?
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114. No, no, I'm just saying is—
You know—
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115. Come on, Charlie,
goddamn it!
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116. Those kids' dicks are bigger
than them sausages.
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117. Knock it off, Finneran. Thoseare
my children you're talking about.
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118. - I've been meaning
to ask you about that. - Finneran!
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119. Get over here.
It's your turn.
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120. Charlie, don't mind me.
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121. It'sj-just the beer talking,
you know? Whoo!
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122. Hmm. Sure.
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123. There's something powerful
bubbling up inside me, Father,
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124. and I'm afraid that someday,
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125. if I don't do something,
I'm gonna explode.
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126. Where does this rage
come from, myson?
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127. I don't know.
It's a lot of things, really.
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128. Take my wife, for example.
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129. I love her like no other,
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130. but part of me suspects
that she may be having an affair.
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131. And I'm-I'm probably
just being paranoid here,
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132. but I get the feeling...
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133. that the entire town is
laughing at me behind my back.
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134. Charlie, that you?
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135. Eventually,
Charlie's worst fears were realized.
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136. Eventually,
Charlie's worst fears were realized.
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137. I'm so sorry, Charlie.
Really, I am.
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138. But I have to do this.
I found my soul mate.
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139. But...
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140. I thought I was your soul mate.
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141. Tsk. Oh.
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142. Come on, legs.
Let's roll, baby.
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143. I don't know what to say.
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144. I guess the heart just wants
what the heart wants.
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145. Bye, Charlie.
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146. But you said
you'd eat whale blubber.
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147. Oh, she'll be eating blubber,
all right, just as soon as I free willy.
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148. It's funny how a man
reacts when his heart gets broken.
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149. Some break down
and cry like a baby.
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150. Others, they take out an Uzi
and climb a clock tower.
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151. But Charlie Bailey gates
didn't seem to react at all.
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152. He just swallowed hard,
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153. felt that slab of heartache
slide over the lump in this throat,
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154. and he locked it all away.
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155. As you can imagine,
it wasn't easy...
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156. for little Jamaal,
Lee Harvey and Shonte Junior...
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157. growing up without a mom,
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158. but Charlie made that little house into
a big old home, and the boys flourished.
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159. Let me tell you,
they were smart ones.
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160. - What are you buildin', fellas?
- An airplane, Daddy.
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161. - Bye-bye!
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162. - Bye, Daddy!
- Have a good time at work!
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163. Bye, Daddy!
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164. Love you, Daddy!
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165. Where he can't hide
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166. - From himself
- No. No!
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167. Hey! Stop it! Jamaal, you're
in a lot of trouble! Get off that!
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168. Don't you take off in that!
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169. - How many seas
must a white dove sail - Shonte Junior,
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170. how can you keep eatin' that crap
and never gain weight?
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171. - I don't know. Just lucky, I guess.
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172. How many times
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173. - Must the cannonballs fly
- Doyou believe his voice? That's Gomer Pyle!
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174. Before they're
forever banned
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175. - The answer, my friend
- Daddy, can we watch Richard Pryuor on H.B.O. ?
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176. - Is blowing in the wind
- Richard Pryuor?
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177. - Please.
- Okay.
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178. InAfrica, though,
lgo outin the country. Whoo!
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179. You see some lions and shit.
I'm talkin' about real lions,
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180. not them kind you be
fuckin' with in the zoo.
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181. You fuck with the lions,
" Hey, lion, motherfucker!"
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182. Be throwin' shit at it.
Lion be, "Uh-oh, oh!"
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183. As they have
a way of doing, the years passed some what regularly.
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184. And the boys, well,
they came into their own.
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185. is make her
toss my salad!
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186. is make her
toss my salad!
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187. The guy's like, "Toss mysalad?
W-Well, what's that?"
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188. Yeah, well,
having your salad tossed...
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189. means having your asshole
eaten out with jelly or syrup.
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190. I prefer syrup.
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191. He's a funny motherfucker.
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192. Although Charlie's
police work had started to suffer,
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193. the kids were doing great.
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194. Damn! I can't figure out the atomic
mass of this motherfuckin' deuteron.
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195. Shit, man,
that shit's simple.
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196. - Look. Tell me this, tell me this.
- What, what?
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197. - What's a deuteron made up of?
- Duh, a proton and a neutron.
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198. Then what's this motherfuckin' electron
doin' right there?
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199. - Shit, I don't know.
- Well, get it outta there then!
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200. Okay, so you sayin' I add up
the atomic masses of the proton and the neutron, right?
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201. - Mm-hmm.
- I sees that, but what do I do with the goddamn electron?
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202. Can I bring it over here?
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203. Enrico Fermi would roll over
in his motherfuckin' grave ifhe heard that stupid shit.
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204. I mean, he'djust turn over ass up
in your face. He wouldn't give a fuck.
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205. Man, Jamaal, man,
just cut my man some slack, dog.
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206. Look here, I'm just tryuin'
to help him save face, all right?
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207. He keep askin' questions like that,
motherfuckers gonna think he's stupid.
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208. - I ain't stupid.
- Mornin', fellas.
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209. - Oh, hey, Dad.
- Hey, Pops, howyou doin', man?
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210. - What's all the commotion down here?
- Just school shit and shit.
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211. - How's my little guy doin' ?
- Strugglin'. This quantum physics is confusing.
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212. - Ifl don't buckle down,
I'm gonna get myselfanother B-plus. - Oh, that'd be whack.
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213. Man, he so fuckin' dumb,
he think calculus is a goddamn emperor.
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214. - Give it up, dog.
- Well, you think polypeptide's a motherfuckin' toothpaste.
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215. Oh, I gotta get outta here.
I don't want to have to bust a cap.
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216. Kisses.
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217. Mm, Daddy.
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218. - Seeya later.
- Loveya! All right.
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219. Yeah, Charlie was gettin'
a lot of respect inside the house,
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220. but outside—
well, that was another story.
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221. Mornin', Ed.
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222. Charlie.
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223. Say, Ed, did you see
where my paperwent today?
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224. Uh, the wife's got it
in the shitter.
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225. Well, could you tell her to throw it
on the porch when she's done?
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226. Can't you get one at work?
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227. Yeah, l... suppose I could.
You betcha.
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228. I'd like that
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229. If we could cycle
down some lane
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230. I'd like that
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231. If we could ride
into the rain
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232. No mess getting wet
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233. I'd be your Albert
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234. If you'd be Victoria
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235. Ha, ha
We'd laugh because
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236. Each drop would make me
grow up really high
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237. Really high like a really high thing
say a sun flower
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238. - Hey, Charlie.
- Hey, George, Herb.
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239. - Hi, Charlie.
- How do, fellas?
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240. - Hi, Charlie.
- Listen, Dick, I was—
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241. Hey, guys, check out
the rack on this one.
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242. Whoa!
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243. Oh, yeah,
that's whatdaddylikes.
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244. It looks like a dead heat
in a zeppelin race.
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245. - Yeah, a couple of Hindenburgs, huh?
- Oh, the humanity!
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246. Come on, guys, take it easy.
She's a mom.
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247. "She's a mom."
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248. - She's not my mom!
- She's a yummy mom.
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249. - You kill me!
- "She's a mom."
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250. Sure, that is good.
Oh.
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251. Listen, uh, Dick, I'm sorryu,
uh, to botheryou like this,
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252. but, uh, uh, your-your-your car
is gonna have to be moved.
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253. Yeah, sure, Charlie, okay.
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254. I should be done here
in another ten or fiifteen minutes.
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255. You know,
I hate to be a stickler, Dick,
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256. but, uh, the law states that you can't
park in one place for more than an hour,
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257. and you've been there for—
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258. goin' on three days now.
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259. All right, all right,
the law's the law.
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260. Park it behind the grocery store,
will ya, Charlie?
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261. Yeah, sure.
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262. - This one?
- There's an old saying.
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263. - An ostrich with his head
in the sand makes a lousy cop. - My fault.
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264. You see, if you can't deal
with your ownproblems,
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265. - well, it's hard to deal with others'.
- Sweetie.
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266. Sweetie?
That's kind ofdangerous.
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267. You wanna move it up onto the sidewalk,
away from the traffiic?
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268. My dad says you're a joke,
and I don't have to listen toyou.
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269. Well, your father
is entitled to his opinion,
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270. but I am an officer of the law,
and, uh, by all rights, l—
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271. - Fuck off!
- You should watch your mouth, little girl.
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272. Thank you, have a nice day.
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273. - Excuse me. Charlie! Hey!
- Hey.
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274. You mind if I get ahead of you?
I'm in a wicked rush. Is that okay?
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275. - Oh, yeah, sure, go ahead.
- You're a doll.
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276. - Aw.
- Hey, kids, over here! Now!
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277. Didn't I tell you to stay with me?
Stop! Put those down!
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278. Nyah, nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah
We're gonna rock you
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279. "VagiClean," huh?
What's the matter, honey?
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280. Little extra cheese
on the taco?
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281. - Excuse me.
- No, excuse me.
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282. There's no tag on this.
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283. Price check on VagiClean,
aisle fiive.
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284. I repeat. Price check on VagiClean,
aisle fiive. That's VagiClean.
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285. We got a customer down here
with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking aloafofbread,
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286. and I thinkit's sourdough.
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287. Put a rush on that.
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288. Hey, big guy,
did you hear the news?
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289. My son, Billy, got the lead
in the high school musical.
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290. Well, I guess he likes
the cock after all.
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291. Wha—
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292. - I'm basically no good
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293. Still wanna skip rope
on the street?
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294. I'm gonna tell my daddy
on you, Charlie!
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295. Wrong answer.
And the name's Hank, fuckface.
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296. And I'm not fit to touch
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297. - The hem of your garment
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298. And no, no
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299. I'm not fit to touch
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300. The hem of your garment
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301. There you go, Dick.
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302. I parked it for ya.
By the way,
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303. you got a headlight out.
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304. Yeah
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305. Oh, no
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306. All right
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307. - Mm-mm, that looks good.
- Here you go, Colonel.
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308. Very good, Malcolm.
Thank you.
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309. Colonel, we got a problem.
There's something wrong with Charlie.
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310. - One-X to 112.
- 1 1 2 responding.
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311. - One-X to 112.
- 1 1 2 responding.
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312. Of course, there's
not much about this sort of thing...
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313. in the Rhode lsland
State Police manual,
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314. so they sent him up to Boston to see
a team of highly trained head doctors.
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315. They quickly identified
the problem.
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316. You got a major screw loose.
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317. Huh?
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318. - Doctors have diagnosed you
as having a split personality. - A schizo.
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319. - I-l don't remember any of this.
- That's because...
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320. according to that report, it wasn't you
that this was happening to.
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321. - It was this other guy.
- Hank.
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322. - Huh?
- He said his name was Hank.
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323. - And apparently Hank is
trying to get out. - Tryuing to get out?
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324. What do you mean, "get out" ?
How did he get in?
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325. - You created him.
- By not dealing with your problems, Charlie.
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326. Ever since, uh—
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327. Well, you know, you've been
avoiding confrontation.
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328. - But this guy inside— he doesn't.
- Hank.
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329. Doctors feel that, uh, you've created
this character out of necessity.
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330. You never stick up
for yourself.
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331. - Charlie,
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332. why didn'tyou take
a vacation when Layla left?
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333. Whywould I?
You know?
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334. I mean, wives leave their husbands
every day in this countryu.
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335. There's no reason
to shortchange the department.
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336. I mean, it's not like I had the flu.
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337. Have you picked up
your medication, Charlie?
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338. Mm-hmm.
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339. I'm really not crazy about it, though.
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340. You know,
it makes me so dry.
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341. You have to take it anyway.
Dr. Rabinowitz assure us...
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342. that if you do,
everything'll be fine.
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343. This is abunch ofcrap!
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344. No wonder you're the smallest state.
Little mind, little state.
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345. It shouldn't even be a state. It should
be the District of Rhode lsland.
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346. - Whatever you say.
- Can you take these goddamn things off, please?
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347. And could you stop
looking at my ass?
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348. Pritchard, what—
what's going on out here?
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349. Well, Colonel, her name's
Waters, lrene P.
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350. I pulled her over on 95
for a broken tail light. I ran a check.
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351. She's got an outstanding warrant
in up state New York.
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352. - Hit and run?
- Hit and run. Injured pedestrian signed a complaint.
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353. Oh, well, I think I might remember that.
That is ridiculous.
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354. - I've never been in an accident.
Not in my whole life. - Well,
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355. I've just gotten off the phone
with the New York State Patrol.
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356. They don't seem to think
it's so ridiculous.
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357. Look, ju—
How can we fiix—
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358. Were you in Massena, New York,
last Friday, second of May?
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359. Well, yeah, I live there,
but I didn't have any accident.
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360. Look, I'm just driving
down to Block lsland to see my sister.
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361. You seem like a nice guy.
Is there anyway you might let me handle this by mail?
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362. Unfortunately, Miss Waters,
I'm not the oneyou have to convince.
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363. If there's been a mistake,
you have to clear it up in Massena.
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364. What? Okay, wait.
You—
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365. Because of somebody else's mistake,
I have to get in my car...
Copy !req
366. and drive all the way back
to upstate New York?
Copy !req
367. No, ma'am.
Copy !req
368. We'll have one
of our troopers escort you.
Copy !req
369. - Hey, Hollywood, turn your fucking phone off.
Copy !req
370. - Yeah?
- You're an asshole.
Copy !req
371. Oh, hello, lrene.
What did I do now?
Copy !req
372. Listen, I'm sitting at a police station
somewhere in Rhode lsland,
Copy !req
373. and they're shipping me back
to Massena on some bogus crap.
Copy !req
374. - Sound familiar?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.
Copy !req
375. - I don't have a clue
what you're talking about. - Dickie!
Copy !req
376. Cut the bullshit!
Copy !req
377. Listen to me, okay?
It's over, Dickie. It's over.
Copy !req
378. So please just stop
messing with me,
Copy !req
379. and call your friends and
tell them to back off, okay?
Copy !req
380. Look, I'm being
a straight shooter here.
Copy !req
381. If you need help,
I'll help you.
Copy !req
382. Just give me all the details. I'll
get to the bottom of it. All right?
Copy !req
383. Massena, New York? Man, goddamn,
Daddy, that's damn near Canada.
Copy !req
384. I know, I know.
It wasn't my idea.
Copy !req
385. I gotta take this gal up north,
and then the colonel ordered me to take a week's vacation.
Copy !req
386. Why a week?
Man, that's a long motherfuckin' time.
Copy !req
387. Well, he wants me to rest while
I'm getting used to the medication.
Copy !req
388. Aw, come on, you don't have to worryu
about us, Daddy. We're grown up now.
Copy !req
389. These two motherfuckers can do
the shoppin', and I'll do the cookin'.
Copy !req
390. Man, you do the cookin' ?
You thoughtyou got chipped beef from a toothy blowjob.
Copy !req
391. You're gonna have Shonte Junior down
under goddamn 400 pounds. Fuck that.
Copy !req
392. - Can't have that happen. Okay, guys.
- No, we can't, we can't.
Copy !req
393. I'm not leaving till morning.
You know the rules when I go: No bitches after 1 1 :00.
Copy !req
394. - All right, Pops!
- Yeah, man.
Copy !req
395. - Bye, Daddy!
- Gotya, Papa! - Love you, Daddy!
Copy !req
396. Now who the hell's
this lrene honey, anyway?
Copy !req
397. She worked for me
the past couple years.
Copy !req
398. I hired her to be
my golf course super intendent.
Copy !req
399. - We got close.
- No, you got stupid.
Copy !req
400. For the love of shit,
these are the loose ends that can hang you, Dickie. And me too.
Copy !req
401. - How much does she know?
- She might have gotten wind of some things.
Copy !req
402. Yeah, well,
we're gonna find out.
Copy !req
403. The complaint was signed
by a guy named Peterson.
Copy !req
404. He's with the E.P.A.
Copy !req
405. E.P.A. ?
I thought they were in our pocket.
Copy !req
406. Well, not all of'em.
Copy !req
407. - Hang on, ma'am.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
408. This vacation is
just what Charlie needs.
Copy !req
409. I bet he's a new man
when he gets back.
Copy !req
410. If we let him back.
Copy !req
411. What doyou mean?
Copy !req
412. Well, I mean that he's become
a pretty big liability.
Copy !req
413. We may have to let him go.
Copy !req
414. Let him go? But-But, Captain,
police work is Charlie's whole li—
Copy !req
415. I know, I know, damn it.
I know.
Copy !req
416. I found you sittin'
on a suit case cryin'
Copy !req
417. I found you sittin'
on a suit case cryin'
Copy !req
418. It's a great time of year
to ride,
Copy !req
419. long as you don't mind
one or two bugs.
Copy !req
420. I laugh outloud
'causeit's the one thing
Copy !req
421. I hadn'tbeen trying
Copy !req
422. The train came in breathless
The passengers restless
Copy !req
423. She said
Baby you'll never change
Copy !req
424. You gotta get gone
You gotta get goin'
Copy !req
425. The world ain't slowin' down
for no one
Copy !req
426. It's a carnival
callin'out to you
Copy !req
427. It sounds like a song
It hits you like scripture
Copy !req
428. Boy, you can't beat
the open road!
Copy !req
429. Weren't you the kid who just
climbed on the merry-go-round
Copy !req
430. Hey look the world
ain't slowin' down
Copy !req
431. - Hey, hey
- Oh, no!
Copy !req
432. Oh, my goodness.
Geez.
Copy !req
433. Those damn truckers.
Copy !req
434. You know, you'd think they'd
call someone to come clean this up.
Copy !req
435. Poor thing.
Oh, that's terrible.
Copy !req
436. - Whew. Whoa.
- Ew.
Copy !req
437. By the looks ofher,
she's been here for a while.
Copy !req
438. Well, I doubt we're gonna be able
to move her, but we should try.
Copy !req
439. You wanna get that end?
Just give it a little push?
Copy !req
440. - Really?
- Yeah, yeah, we should give it a shot.
Copy !req
441. - Okay? Go ahead.
- Okay.
Copy !req
442. - Just-Just push as hard as you can.
- Yeah, okay.
Copy !req
443. - Jesus! Whoa!
- Oh!
Copy !req
444. - Okay, you just—
- Oh, it's still alive.
Copy !req
445. - Just stand back. I'll take care of it.
- God, that's terrible.
Copy !req
446. - Oh. Now, don't-don't look, okay?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
447. Well, old girl,
your suffering's over.
Copy !req
448. Oh, it ain't always easy
doing MotherNature's work.
Copy !req
449. — Oh,J—
Copy !req
450. Oh.
Do you believe that?
Copy !req
451. - No, it's— Yech.
Copy !req
452. - Oh, my God in heaven!
Copy !req
453. - Oh, God!
Copy !req
454. God! What the hell
is wrong with you?
Copy !req
455. Die!
Copy !req
456. Let go!
Let go, girl!
Copy !req
457. - On to greener pastures. Come on.
Copy !req
458. They're clear-cutting a place
in heaven for you.
Copy !req
459. - Come on! Help me out! Do something!
- But—
Copy !req
460. - I don't—
- Let go!
Copy !req
461. Let it go!
Go!
Copy !req
462. Oh!
Copy !req
463. Well, that was tough,
Copy !req
464. but I thinkwe did
the right thing.
Copy !req
465. Patrol car, yes.
Okay, thank you.
Copy !req
466. - Can I help you?
- Yes, I'm Officer Bailey gates, Rhode lsland State Police.
Copy !req
467. I have, uh, your prisoner,
Miss lrene Waters here.
Copy !req
468. - All right. I'll tell them you're here.
- Okay-dee, right-dee.
Copy !req
469. - What are those for?
- Huh?
Copy !req
470. Oh, it's just
this stupid thing.
Copy !req
471. I have to take a pill everyu six hours
or I feel funny. No big deal.
Copy !req
472. - What's it called?
Copy !req
473. Advanced delusionary schizophrenia
with involuntary narcissistic rage.
Copy !req
474. Ah.
Copy !req
475. Does your ass feel numb?
Copy !req
476. No, but they give me
unbelievable cotton mouth.
Copy !req
477. - I meant from the ride.
- Oh, no, no.
Copy !req
478. Over theyears,
my ass has taken a pounding.
Copy !req
479. Miss Waters,
mynameis Peterson.
Copy !req
480. Miss Waters,
mynameis Peterson.
Copy !req
481. This is my partner,
Agent Boshane.
Copy !req
482. We're with the Environmental Protection
Agency's Special lnvestigations.
Copy !req
483. - The E.P.A. ?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
484. What'd I hit?
A bald headed eagle?
Copy !req
485. Well, we'll explain that
toyou, ma'am,
Copy !req
486. but right now, we're gonna ask you
to come along with us.
Copy !req
487. - Well, why don't you
just explain it to me now? - Well, ma'am,
Copy !req
488. we put your hit-and-run report out
on the wire in order to track you down.
Copy !req
489. - Track me down for what?
- Agent Boshane?
Copy !req
490. I want to remind you again,
our station's at your disposal.
Copy !req
491. You're more than welcome to use
any of our interrogation rooms.
Copy !req
492. We appreciate it, Lieutenant Gerke,
but we're all set.
Copy !req
493. All right. Well,
if there's anything at all I c—
Copy !req
494. Uh, excuse me.
Copy !req
495. I'm just gonna
get myselfa drink ofwater.
Copy !req
496. Ahh! So if I could, uh,
Copy !req
497. just get someone to sign this,
I'll be on myway.
Copy !req
498. Yeah.
Copy !req
499. Well, Miss Waters,
uh, good luck.
Copy !req
500. And I hope everything
works out great for you.
Copy !req
501. Thanks a lot, Charlie.
Copy !req
502. Ihaven't done anything wrong,
and you know it.
Copy !req
503. What about the marijuana roaches
you left behind when you moved out of your apartment?
Copy !req
504. So I smoked some pot.
What is that, a crime?
Copy !req
505. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
506. As is being an accessory
to bribery, embezzlement,
Copy !req
507. tax evasion
and racketeering.
Copy !req
508. - What areyou talking about?
- Does the name Dickie Thurman ring a bell?
Copy !req
509. His company,
Cedar Creek Limited,
Copy !req
510. has been under a sealed
grand jury investigation for 18 months.
Copy !req
511. How does that make me an accessory?
I laid some sod on Dickie's golf course. So?
Copy !req
512. Tell me this—a big operation like
the Cedar Creek Country Club—
Copy !req
513. how'd you get the job
as the head greens keeper?
Copy !req
514. By default. This guy,
Tedeschi or Tedescho,
Copy !req
515. he was hired before me,
but he died.
Copy !req
516. Heart problem or something.
Copy !req
517. The feds believed that lrene knew...
Copy !req
518. more than
she thought she knew,
Copy !req
519. and her life was in danger.
Copy !req
520. They explained that everything had
been happening right under her nose—
Copy !req
521. payoffs of government agencies, threats
towards those who stood in the way,
Copy !req
522. and her predecessor's
heart attack?
Copy !req
523. Well, that was just
cold blooded murder.
Copy !req
524. Oh, man.
Copy !req
525. Can you excuse me?
Copy !req
526. Pizza kid.
Copy !req
527. - How much?
- Uh, that comes to 13.95.
Copy !req
528. Oh, son of a bitch!
Copy !req
529. Well, it was a good thing
Charlie had told her...
Copy !req
530. he was staying at the Chuck E. Cheese
Lodge and Miniature Golf Resort.
Copy !req
531. Charlie?
Copy !req
532. Irene finagledakey
from the front desk and let her self in.
Copy !req
533. Charlie.
Copy !req
534. - Charlie, what's going on here?
- Hmm? lrene?
Copy !req
535. Oh! Oh, uh, uh—
Copy !req
536. Irene, I was just, um—
I was gonna, um, study your file...
Copy !req
537. and, uh, try to find
a loophole.
Copy !req
538. Did your lips get as chapped
as mine on the ride down?
Copy !req
539. Nevermind!
I need your help.
Copy !req
540. There was a shootout down at the thing,
and the agents are dead.
Copy !req
541. - Dead?
- Yeah, the ywere after me, Charlie.
Copy !req
542. Oh, God. See, this is Dickie's work.
I know it.
Copy !req
543. Oh, God. See, this is Dickie's work.
I know it.
Copy !req
544. - So what areyou gonna do?
- We'll call the police.
Copy !req
545. What?
No, you can't do that.
Copy !req
546. Dickie has those guys in his
back pocket. That's why I came to you.
Copy !req
547. - How— Wha— How doyou—
- Oh!
Copy !req
548. Hey, this is serious shit!
You don't—
Copy !req
549. I'm outta here.
Copy !req
550. Hey, wait. No, don't do that!
Come on, hold on! Just let me think for a second, okay?
Copy !req
551. Think someplace else, Charlie. This is
the first place they're gonna look.
Copy !req
552. Damn it!
Copy !req
553. - So where are we going, anyway?
- You'll see!
Copy !req
554. Well, they went on the lam for a bit,
Copy !req
555. - and then Charlie made
a couple of phone calls. -
Copy !req
556. Irene, take it easy now.
Copy !req
557. - Charlie?
- Don't worry. I'll take care of it.
Copy !req
558. - Hey.
- Good work, Bailey gates.
Copy !req
559. - Thanks.
- I'm sorry I had to meet you all the way out here.
Copy !req
560. No, that's okay.
It's just as well.
Copy !req
561. Poor gal's a little paranoid.
My kids are like that.
Copy !req
562. Somewhere along the line,
they just get this idea that the cops are the bad guys—
Copy !req
563. Listen, I don't know what's going on,
and I didn't tell the feds anything.
Copy !req
564. Dickie told me
you were street smart, huh?
Copy !req
565. Why the hell would you
run back to this idiot?
Copy !req
566. Drop the gun, moron.
You're being videotaped.
Copy !req
567. - What are you talkin' about?
- There's a camera on my bike.
Copy !req
568. - Hard to hit a moving target, isn't it?
Copy !req
569. Score. Good move.
Copy !req
570. Getin the car.
Copy !req
571. Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on.
Copy !req
572. Would you mind telling me what
the hell you were thinking back there?
Copy !req
573. Calling that cop
was unbelievably stupid.
Copy !req
574. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
575. Tweak the high end
of your emotional E.Q, sweetbeak.
Copy !req
576. The funky chicken
was Charlie's dance.
Copy !req
577. I'm a tango man myself.
Copy !req
578. As you can imagine,
there was some explaining to do.
Copy !req
579. So, Hank,
as he called himself,
Copy !req
580. found a quiet spot
and spelled out the whole darn mess.
Copy !req
581. Okay, so what you're saying is
thatyou're not Charlie.
Copy !req
582. Come on, you've seen Charlie in action.
The guy's like origami.
Copy !req
583. He folds under pressure.
When the big game's on the line, he's busy ridin' the pine.
Copy !req
584. Okay, wait, wait.
Can you just—
Copy !req
585. It's simple.
Copy !req
586. Charlie's the mouse
that got you into the maze.
Copy !req
587. I'm the rat who knows
how to fii nd the cheese.
Copy !req
588. The name's Hank—
Hank Evans.
Copy !req
589. - For little girls
- So it's true.
Copy !req
590. - Charlie is a schizo.
- I wouldn'tknow.
Copy !req
591. I stay outta his business,
he stays outta mine.
Copy !req
592. Look.
Copy !req
593. Just because I rock
doesn't mean I'm made ofstone.
Copy !req
594. I feel your fear.
Copy !req
595. It's comin' through like static
on my heart radio.
Copy !req
596. Hank? Hank.
Copy !req
597. I really, really
appreciate your help,
Copy !req
598. but is there anyway
that maybe we could get...
Copy !req
599. Charlie back out here
for a little huddle?
Copy !req
600. No problem.
Copy !req
601. Whileyou're at it,
climb that pole over there and take a piss on the power lines.
Copy !req
602. Look, I'm not here to twist your
niblets. I'm here to saveyour life.
Copy !req
603. But if I'm gonna do that,
I'll need total "uninanonynymity."
Copy !req
604. Okay.
Copy !req
605. - Sound good, candypants?
- Hank, don't call me that.
Copy !req
606. Man, how the hell
can they call Pluto a planet?
Copy !req
607. What motherfuckin' planet
has an elliptical orbit?
Copy !req
608. Man, this shit
don't make no sense.
Copy !req
609. Motherfucker! That motherfucker Vince
Foster was murdered! I told you!
Copy !req
610. Will you quit hackin' into
them goddamn Pentagon fii les?
Copy !req
611. Ain't no nevermind who them
crooked politicians be killin'. Just do your studyin'.
Copy !req
612. - Man, what did Daddy tell you
about snoopin', huh? - Shit, yeah, man.
Copy !req
613. You keep fuckin' around,
you gonna get that scholarship to Yale taken away from you.
Copy !req
614. Be stuck up there at Stanford with them
goddamn sling-blade motherfuckers.
Copy !req
615. Shit, motherfucker,
you be lucky to get accepted to Duke gettin' a 1430 on your S.A.T.
Copy !req
616. - Motherfucker, you know I had the flu.
- The flu, my ass.
Copy !req
617. You had a motherfuckin' aneuryusm
gettin' a 1430.
Copy !req
618. - Aneuryusm?
Man, you talkin' some shit now.
Copy !req
619. Now you see, man? That's probably
one of them lvy League sum bitches now.
Copy !req
620. - Get your big-ass head up
and get the door, man. - Get the door.
Copy !req
621. - Don't fuck with my shit.
- Get outta the way. Gimme some of them chips.
Copy !req
622. Hey, Captain.
Copy !req
623. - Fellas.
- What the fuck is goin' on, man?
Copy !req
624. - This is Agent Anicelli.
- Gentlemen.
Copy !req
625. - What's happenin', Captain?
- We've got a problem.
Copy !req
626. Pack your bags.
Copy !req
627. - We're locked and loaded.
- Great.
Copy !req
628. - Got enough stuff
to hold us over for 72 hours. -
Copy !req
629. Well, fuck my ozone.
Copy !req
630. Nyah, nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah
We're gonna rock you
Copy !req
631. Hey, ringworm.
Copy !req
632. Yeah, I'm talkin'toyou,
you toxic waste of life.
Copy !req
633. You gonna pick up that butt, or do I
have to glue it to the end of my shoe...
Copy !req
634. and stick it in your
big, fat, pimply A-hole?
Copy !req
635. Hey, man, take it easy.
It's just a cigarette.
Copy !req
636. Oh, yeah?
Well, this is just a fist.
Copy !req
637. But when I start throwing it around,
it can leave one hell of a mess.
Copy !req
638. Let's dance.
Copy !req
639. Hey, hey!
Copy !req
640. Let's kick the shit
outta this crazy asshole.
Copy !req
641. Wait, wait. Wait!
He's a schizo!
Copy !req
642. What the hell's wrong
with him?
Copy !req
643. What happened, anyway?
Copy !req
644. Yeah, Charlie was taking a
few lumps on account of Hank's behavior.
Copy !req
645. But, save for a little bloodin the
urine, he was no worse for the wear.
Copy !req
646. I'm sorry you had to meet Hank,
Miss Waters.
Copy !req
647. I thought I was bad.
That guy has some serious problems.
Copy !req
648. He did save our lives.
Copy !req
649. Anyway, Hank had
a pretty good idea.
Copy !req
650. - He thinks that maybe—
- Oh, and you're gonna listen to Hank?
Copy !req
651. Come on! Look what he did tome.
I mean, what are you thinkin'?
Copy !req
652. He's out of control, this guy.
Copy !req
653. You know whatl think
we shoulddo?
Copy !req
654. I thinkwe should fii nd
another department and tell them the whole story.
Copy !req
655. Not smart, Charlie. We don't know
how far Dickie's reach goes.
Copy !req
656. Well, then, you know what?
Copy !req
657. I think it's time to call the best damn
law enforcement agency in the countryu:
Copy !req
658. the Rhode lsland State Troopers!
Copy !req
659. Do you really think the feds don't have
some guy up there now bugging calls?
Copy !req
660. They'd be on us
in ten minutes.
Copy !req
661. And they're the ones that almost
got me killed in the first place.
Copy !req
662. Okay. What was
the genius's big plan?
Copy !req
663. He thinks that we should find a cabin
and hide out for a while.
Copy !req
664. Oh, yeah?
What about water? What about food?
Copy !req
665. He already got supplies.
They're in the trunk.
Copy !req
666. - These are the supplies?
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
667. Well, he had a plan, all right.
Copy !req
668. That's it?
That's all he got?
Copy !req
669. Oh, no, there's more.
Copy !req
670. A rope, a shovel,
Copy !req
671. bag of lime
and some lawn darts.
Copy !req
672. - and the kidnapping
of one lrene P. Waters. - That's bullshit!
Copy !req
673. My daddy ain't killed nobody,
and he sure as shit ain't kidnapped no skinny-ass bitch!
Copy !req
674. Your dad's sick, mentally.
He's had some sort ofbreakdown. That's what we understand.
Copy !req
675. The important thing is we fii nd him, so
nobody else gets hurt, himselfincluded.
Copy !req
676. Come on, man,
nobody's gonna get hurt.
Copy !req
677. Hell, yeah. Our daddy wouldn't hurt
a motherfuckin' fly.
Copy !req
678. No, he goes after bigger game.
Copy !req
679. Wejust got a report he put six bullets
into a prize cow's head.
Copy !req
680. Poorthing's lucky
tobealive.
Copy !req
681. Okay, look, let's say he does
have a problem— which he don't.
Copy !req
682. - He's been taking pills
to get rid of it, anyway. - He left his pills in the hotel.
Copy !req
683. - Damn.
- That's where he left his sanity.
Copy !req
684. I've seen it first hand.
The guy's nuttier than squirrel turds.
Copy !req
685. L-L-Look. One thing
I don't understand, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
686. If my daddy's
such a scary-ass motherfucker, why'd you go by yourself, huh?
Copy !req
687. Yeah, who the fuck are you,
Sergeant York, tryin' to take on the Germans your damn self?
Copy !req
688. Your father's a police officer,
and he asked me to come alone. How was I to know he's a nutcase?
Copy !req
689. - Man, our daddy ain't
no fuckin' nutcase. - He may have...
Copy !req
690. advanced delusionary schizophrenia
with involuntary narcissistic rage,
Copy !req
691. but he is
a veryu gentle person!
Copy !req
692. - Motherfuckin' robot Motherfuckin' robot
Copy !req
693. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's the fuzz?
Tell me what's a-happening.
Copy !req
694. Stay away from me, Hank!
I know what you had planned. I saw your so-called supplies.
Copy !req
695. Oh, that?
Copy !req
696. I wasn't gonna just
ram it home, you know.
Copy !req
697. I was gonna lube it up...
Copy !req
698. and ease it in there
inch by inch, like a gentleman.
Copy !req
699. I was talking about
the shovel and the lime.
Copy !req
700. Shovel and lime?
Copy !req
701. Thank you.
Copy !req
702. - I haven't laughed like that
in a long time. - What's so funny?
Copy !req
703. - We're drivin' a hot carriage.
- So?
Copy !req
704. That stuff belongs
to the bad cop.
Copy !req
705. You think he was gonna take
our dead bodies down to the station?
Copy !req
706. Oh.
Copy !req
707. lrene decided
they should go back to Rhode lsland,
Copy !req
708. but Hank had an idea first.
Copy !req
709. - Are you sure about this?
- Are you kiddin' ?
Copy !req
710. Every oinker east of the Mississippi
will be looking for this sled.
Copy !req
711. Safer to go mass transit.
Ready? On nine.
Copy !req
712. One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine.
Copy !req
713. I can't keep up
with you no more
Copy !req
714. And you treat me
like it's a sin
Copy !req
715. For you to let me in
Copy !req
716. Well, they won't be
tracking us in that car.
Copy !req
717. - Thanks for the kudos.
- Sure.
Copy !req
718. - Glad we're finally on the same page.
- Me too.
Copy !req
719. Whoa! You okay?
Copy !req
720. Yes, I'm fine.
Copy !req
721. Thought you were goin' over the edge.
Copy !req
722. Thank you.
Copy !req
723. - You know, I think you're
a very special unit. - That's sweet.
Copy !req
724. I hope we can get
to know each other better.
Copy !req
725. Yeah, me too.
Copy !req
726. Doyou swallow?
Copy !req
727. I get it.
We'll go slow.
Copy !req
728. - Hey!
- Yes?
Copy !req
729. You didn't happen to pick up
a wallet on the dash, did ya?
Copy !req
730. You're kidding, right?
Copy !req
731. So, what's your tale, Mother Goose?
Whereyou from?
Copy !req
732. Oh, all over.
Copy !req
733. Omnipresence—
I like that in a woman.
Copy !req
734. I'm originally from Texas.
Middle-class neighborhood.
Copy !req
735. But after high school, I moved
to New York, 'cause I had this thing—
Copy !req
736. Let me guess. Everybody in town
told you you were easy on the eyes,
Copy !req
737. so you decided
to become a supermodel.
Copy !req
738. When you got to the Big Apple,
they treated you like the worm.
Copy !req
739. So you packed on a few pounds
and started calling yourself an actress.
Copy !req
740. - Uh, no.
- Shh!
Copy !req
741. Unfortunately,
you can't get far without talent,
Copy !req
742. and after a while the only bright lights
you saw were the ones...
Copy !req
743. that hit you in the face
when you opened the fridge.
Copy !req
744. That's when you got a boob job, started
hanging around on the Upper East Side,
Copy !req
745. Iooking for a rich, old man
with a bum ticker...
Copy !req
746. and waved a white flag
in the face of your own self-loathing.
Copy !req
747. How's my aim?
Copy !req
748. I neverwent to New York City.
I went upstate to Cornell.
Copy !req
749. And then I got my master's
in turfmanagement at U-Mass.
Copy !req
750. And then I became
a golfcourse superintendent.
Copy !req
751. And these, believe it or not,
are all mine.
Copy !req
752. I noticed you conveniently
left outyour eating disorder.
Copy !req
753. - I don't have an eating disorder.
- Whateveryou say, slim.
Copy !req
754. - Whoa!
- Hands off, Hank.
Copy !req
755. - Hey! Mom!
Copy !req
756. That's real nice, Hank.
Way to keep a low profile.
Copy !req
757. It's survival at this point.
Copy !req
758. Hey, I know how to score
some dough. Punch me.
Copy !req
759. - What?
- Punch me in the face.
Copy !req
760. - Why?
- I'll flag the big cheese,
Copy !req
761. tell him I got rolled
in the parking lot.
Copy !req
762. He'll hush me up
with a couple of Benjamins.
Copy !req
763. They don't need that kind
ofink on Sugar Mountain. Come on, rip my head off.
Copy !req
764. That's really lame, Hank.
Copy !req
765. Well, you have a better idea?
Come on.
Copy !req
766. - It's not gonna work.
- Yes, it is gonna work, but you gotta rock me.
Copy !req
767. Don't give me one of those girly
"l don't wanna break a fii ngernail" love taps.
Copy !req
768. This guy's gotta look
at my face and just—
Copy !req
769. Well, the kick in the chops
didn't work out as planned,
Copy !req
770. and it just left Charlie
al ittle more roughed up.
Copy !req
771. - How's the nose feelin' ?
- Listen to it.
Copy !req
772. - I'm really sorry, Charlie.
- I'll get over it.
Copy !req
773. I mean, you should be furious. I just
drop-kicked you right in the face.
Copy !req
774. - Hey, it happens.
Copy !req
775. - You got a great way oflooking at life, Charlie.
Copy !req
776. You know that?
That's a gift.
Copy !req
777. Yeah, I don't know
if my shrinks would agree.
Copy !req
778. - They think that's my problem.
- What?
Copy !req
779. Oh, that I purposely distort
my perceptions...
Copy !req
780. - to make my reality more palatable.
Copy !req
781. Oh, likeyou only hear
what you wanna hear?
Copy !req
782. Thanks. I like to keep it short,
especially in the summer.
Copy !req
783. How come I couldn't have ended up with
an easygoing guy likeyou, Charlie, huh?
Copy !req
784. It's likeyou don't
give a damn, you know?
Copy !req
785. And your skin's so natural. You just
let it hang out, blemishes and all.
Copy !req
786. You're not afraid of your flaws.
You have squinty eyes,
Copy !req
787. and your face is all pursed up
like you just sucked on a lemon,
Copy !req
788. but you pull it off.
Copy !req
789. You thinking
what I'm thinking?
Copy !req
790. Oh, no.
Copy !req
791. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
792. - Come on.
Copy !req
793. - But I don't know if I can!
- Yes, you can!
Copy !req
794. Humans only use ten percent
of their potential.
Copy !req
795. You gotta reach down
for that little extra something.
Copy !req
796. There you go!
Now you're gettin' it!
Copy !req
797. I believe in you!
Copy !req
798. Don't you give up on me now!
Copy !req
799. It's easier than I thought!
Come on!
Copy !req
800. Go, Charlie, go!
Copy !req
801. You can do it!
Come on, Charlie!
Copy !req
802. Use more
of your potential!
Copy !req
803. Come on, Charlie!
Go!
Copy !req
804. - Come on, jump off! Jump off!
- What?
Copy !req
805. What?
Copy !req
806. Jump off the train!
Copy !req
807. Oh.
Copy !req
808. - Ow.
Copy !req
809. - Ow.
Copy !req
810. Irene?
Copy !req
811. - Come on, stop foolin' around.
Copy !req
812. I started thinking about it. Bad idea.
Copy !req
813. Trains are the first place
they'll look.
Copy !req
814. Oh, come on.
Copy !req
815. Hey, we checked all the major gas and
food stops along the interstate.
Copy !req
816. - No sign of him.
- The interstate?
Copy !req
817. Let me ask you something, man.
Is your old lady happy?
Copy !req
818. My "old lady" ?
Copy !req
819. Yeah, man, because if your fucking
is anything like your police work,
Copy !req
820. you couldn't hit the G-spot
on a 12-pound pussy.
Copy !req
821. - Watch yourself.
Copy !req
822. - What areyou getting at?
- Look, man.
Copy !req
823. A: Daddy ain't
gonna take no road...
Copy !req
824. wherey'all blind-ass,
Helly Kelly cops is looking.
Copy !req
825. And B: Motherfucker,
he don't eat fast food.
Copy !req
826. Okay, I have three
dollars and a nickel.
Copy !req
827. - How much do you have?
- Uh, six bucks.
Copy !req
828. - Just let me go up and order
so we can get out ofhere. - Okay.
Copy !req
829. I'll have the chicken breast sandwich,
no skin, dryu toast.
Copy !req
830. You make me dizzy
running circles in my head
Copy !req
831. One of these days
Copy !req
832. I'll chase you down
Copy !req
833. Look who's goin' crazy
Copy !req
834. Now we're face to face
my friend
Copy !req
835. Better get out
better get out
Copy !req
836. What areyou
staring at, fucker?
Copy !req
837. You want to start me up? Just open
the choke and pull the cord, pal.
Copy !req
838. I'm due for a seismic event,
and you're dancing on the fault line.
Copy !req
839. Hey, what is
your problem, pal?
Copy !req
840. I got no beef with you.
This is between me and the kid.
Copy !req
841. - Hey, stop it!
- He started it.
Copy !req
842. I'm so sorry.
I have to apologize for him.
Copy !req
843. - He suffers from this thing—
- I'm right here, four-eyes. Let's go.
Copy !req
844. Oh, poor baby. He has to let his daddy
fight his battles for him.
Copy !req
845. - He's an ass.
Copy !req
846. Pussy.
Copy !req
847. How's it hangin', fellas?
Copy !req
848. Hank, I presume?
Copy !req
849. - Did you miss me?
- Why don't you just send Charlie back out here?
Copy !req
850. - Things were finally becoming civilized.
- Listen, Pocahontas,
Copy !req
851. unless you put your ear to the ground,
you'll never hear the buffalo coming.
Copy !req
852. Look, I don't know
what that means, okay?
Copy !req
853. It means either he's gotta
make up a battle plan,
Copy !req
854. or old Hank's gonna have to
take over Fort Charlie for good.
Copy !req
855. Did you just refer to yourself
in the fourth person?
Copy !req
856. - Holy Jesus in heaven!
It's a giant Q-Tip. - Hank.
Copy !req
857. What?
I'm joking with the guy.
Copy !req
858. Bringing a little sunshine
into his life. Careful, you'll peel.
Copy !req
859. Do-Do you need
to see a menu?
Copy !req
860. No, thank you.
We've ordered.
Copy !req
861. - That's it.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Copy !req
862. - Hold on there, cheese tits.
Did I miss something? - Don't give me that shit!
Copy !req
863. What you just did
to that kid was terrible.
Copy !req
864. Didn't you see
the look on his face?
Copy !req
865. Looked a little pale,
that's all.
Copy !req
866. He was hurt and offended.
Copy !req
867. Well, I disagree.
But why speculate?
Copy !req
868. - Hey, milky, vamonos.
- Hey, no! No, no, no.
Copy !req
869. - Hank, no.
- Come on, BrerRabbit. Hop down thebunny trail.
Copy !req
870. Come on.
Epa, epa, andale.
Copy !req
871. Listen, uh,
Copy !req
872. were you offended in any way
by our social interaction here?
Copy !req
873. Y-Yeah.
Actually, I was.
Copy !req
874. What was it,
the Q-Tip thing?
Copy !req
875. Actually, I was pretty much offended
by everything that you said, sir.
Copy !req
876. Oh.
Copy !req
877. Sorry.
Copy !req
878. I'm truly sorry.
Copy !req
879. You okay?
Copy !req
880. You don't know what it's like,
Copy !req
881. spendin' all those years
trapped behind a wall of politeness—
Copy !req
882. bound and gagged.
Copy !req
883. A dark and silent world
where nothing grows but the anger.
Copy !req
884. All because some doll-faced demon
he married...
Copy !req
885. I aced up her boots and did
a Nancy Sinatra on him.
Copy !req
886. Charlie had a wife?
Copy !req
887. And then some.
Copy !req
888. I was a big piece
of the personality pie back then.
Copy !req
889. But when she left him,
Charlie went numb...
Copy !req
890. and I went AWOL.
Copy !req
891. Well,
Copy !req
892. if you were such a big part
of the personality,
Copy !req
893. then she left you too.
Copy !req
894. It's true.
Copy !req
895. She left us.
Copy !req
896. - I loved her.
- Oh.
Copy !req
897. Why did she do this?
Copy !req
898. I'm not a bad person.
Copy !req
899. I'm not a bad person.
Copy !req
900. No, no.
You're not a bad guy.
Copy !req
901. No, you're not.
Copy !req
902. Do you hear me, huh?
Copy !req
903. You're a good person.
Copy !req
904. You really think so?
Copy !req
905. Yeah, I'm starting to.
Copy !req
906. - You know what I'm gonna do?
- Hmm?
Copy !req
907. I'm gonna
make it up to Charlie.
Copy !req
908. And I'm gonna make it up to that
sweet little circus geek in there.
Copy !req
909. Um—
Copy !req
910. Um, Hank? Hank.
Copy !req
911. Agent Boshane.
Just got lucky.
Copy !req
912. They were spotted leaving a health food
restaurant 100 miles southeast of here.
Copy !req
913. - Fifteen minutes, tops.
- Got it, got it.
Copy !req
914. They got 150 cordoned off?
Copy !req
915. Let's fly.
Copy !req
916. I hear you are singing
a song of the past
Copy !req
917. I see no tears
Copy !req
918. Can you please tell him
to stop this?
Copy !req
919. Charlie, is that you?
Copy !req
920. Hey, my nose.
Copy !req
921. My nose is fixed.
Copy !req
922. - Well.
Copy !req
923. Isn't that great?
Copy !req
924. How did that happen?
Copy !req
925. Well, um,
Copy !req
926. Hankwanted to do
something nice for you...
Copy !req
927. so he insisted
that we, well,
Copy !req
928. go to a plastic surgeon.
Copy !req
929. What did you say?
Plastic sur—
Copy !req
930. - Did you say plastic surgeon?
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
931. Oh, my God. Wh-What—
Ow! What is this?
Copy !req
932. What is this?
What did— Wh— Was—
Copy !req
933. Uh, what is this?
Copy !req
934. Hank thought thatyou kind of
had a weak chin, so—
Copy !req
935. What?
Copy !req
936. I like my chin.
I-l-l have a—
Copy !req
937. I like my chin.
Copy !req
938. It's my chin! It's my chin!
Mine! How did you pay for it?
Copy !req
939. - I loaned him the money.
Copy !req
940. Who the hell areyou?
Copy !req
941. It's me, Milky.
Copy !req
942. Who the hell is Milky,
and what is he doing here?
Copy !req
943. Uh, lrene has
a lot of people...
Copy !req
944. who would like to see her
in an unmarked grave.
Copy !req
945. And I don't think it's safe for you
to be hanging around with this.
Copy !req
946. Why not? You, lrene and Hank
are my only friends.
Copy !req
947. But what about your family?
Aren't they gonna missyou?
Copy !req
948. My family's all—
Copy !req
949. They're gone.
Copy !req
950. Oh, geez.
Copy !req
951. If we're taking you with us,
we can't be calling you " Milky."
Copy !req
952. - What's your real name?
- Casper, but my friends call me "Whitey."
Copy !req
953. Okay.
Copy !req
954. I can't find
the time to tell you
Copy !req
955. I can't find
the time to tell you
Copy !req
956. Whoa.
Copy !req
957. Som any things to say
Copy !req
958. I could fit them in a book
Copy !req
959. Of a thousand pages
Copy !req
960. Here you go, Mr. Murphy.
I got your car all filled up.
Copy !req
961. Thank you, Joseph.
Copy !req
962. - Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
963. Get your cock out of my Chrysler,
you son of a bitch!
Copy !req
964. What are you doing to my car?
Copy !req
965. I'm gonna kill you!
I'm gonna get you!
Copy !req
966. I can't find
the time to tell you
Copy !req
967. I can't find
the time to tell you
Copy !req
968. I look at your pretty face
Copy !req
969. And I fall in love with you
Copy !req
970. Every time I see you
Copy !req
971. What's that on your shirt?
Whoa.
Copy !req
972. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
973. That was good.
Copy !req
974. Charlie,
what the hell is that?
Copy !req
975. Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna fall for that.
Copy !req
976. - No, Ch-Charlie.
- Uh-uh, not me.
Copy !req
977. - No—
- Nice try, though.
Copy !req
978. How dumb do I look?
Copy !req
979. Hey, they only had
two rooms, 19 and 20.
Copy !req
980. So you guys will
have to bunk up.
Copy !req
981. So, Whitey.
Copy !req
982. What happened
to your family?
Copy !req
983. I killed them.
Copy !req
984. Uh-Uh, come again?
Copy !req
985. When I was 15, I hacked them up
with a hammer while they were sleeping—
Copy !req
986. Ma, Dad, my bro and my sis.
Copy !req
987. She was awake, my sis,
Copy !req
988. which I regret.
Copy !req
989. Yeah, well.
Copy !req
990. We all have family stuff.
Copy !req
991. That's what makes
the holidays so hard.
Copy !req
992. I just got released last month
on my 21st birthday.
Copy !req
993. To tell you the truth,
I really wasn't ready to leave,
Copy !req
994. but they said I had to.
Copy !req
995. That's a fucked-up law, huh?
Copy !req
996. Well, I guess they need
the extra room...
Copy !req
997. for the real psychos.
Copy !req
998. I'm gonna go next door and tryu
to make out with what's her face.
Copy !req
999. - Go for it.
- All right.
Copy !req
1000. - What?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1001. He just told me that
he brutally murdered...
Copy !req
1002. his entire family
in their sleep.
Copy !req
1003. - Oh, my God.
- He was a juvenile. They just let him out.
Copy !req
1004. So, I was gonna ask you...
Copy !req
1005. if I could stay here,
Copy !req
1006. but I can sleep in the car.
Copy !req
1007. That's me and my whipper snappers.
Copy !req
1008. - I'm Dorothy.
Copy !req
1009. Look at you.
Copy !req
1010. When did you take this,
at Halloween?
Copy !req
1011. No, just messing
around the house.
Copy !req
1012. You seem like a really
good dad, Charlie.
Copy !req
1013. I tryu to be.
Copy !req
1014. They're incredible kids.
Oh, God.
Copy !req
1015. So happy and funny.
Copy !req
1016. They never give me any grief.
Copy !req
1017. They're the top three students
in their class, out of21 1.
Copy !req
1018. - Golly.
- I don't know where they get it from.
Copy !req
1019. Well, that's just good genes.
Copy !req
1020. Youknow, I don't think l—
Copy !req
1021. No, I don't think I carryu
even one picture anymore.
Copy !req
1022. - Why not?
- Idon'tknow.
Copy !req
1023. I used to, you know,
when I was younger.
Copy !req
1024. Pictures of friends
and stuff like that.
Copy !req
1025. I guess they just
got old and fell apart.
Copy !req
1026. Kind of like the friend ships.
Copy !req
1027. That's too bad.
Copy !req
1028. Look at you.
Copy !req
1029. I'll tell you what.
Why don't you keep that one?
Copy !req
1030. - No, Charlie, that's yours.
- Areyou kidding?
Copy !req
1031. - I have tons of them at home.
- No.
Copy !req
1032. - No, I got a bunch. Come on.
- You do?
Copy !req
1033. Yeah.
Copy !req
1034. Okay. Thanks.
Copy !req
1035. You— Thanks.
Copy !req
1036. I'm dry.
Copy !req
1037. You know,
I'm gonna go get a soda.
Copy !req
1038. - Do you want a soda?
- Sure. Okay.
Copy !req
1039. - Okay?
- Okay.
Copy !req
1040. I caught that, bozo.
Not once, but twice it burned you.
Copy !req
1041. Give it another kick. I don't think
you're gonna get it this time.
Copy !req
1042. - I think I just had an epiphany.
- What?
Copy !req
1043. That I might be able to control
this little problem ofmine.
Copy !req
1044. Oh, how did you learn that?
Copy !req
1045. Well, first the Coke machine
robbedme, right?
Copy !req
1046. And I'm fine with that. But then,
some guy came up and laughed in my face.
Copy !req
1047. - Oh, no.
- No, no. But that's just it, see?
Copy !req
1048. Just when I was starting to feel
those old familiar feelings,
Copy !req
1049. I just took a deep breath,
counted backwards from ten and I said to the guy,
Copy !req
1050. " Excuse me, sir, but your laughter is
not helping me right now."
Copy !req
1051. And he said, "I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to make fun."
Copy !req
1052. And that was it.
I helped him with his luggage.
Copy !req
1053. - Really? Well, that's great.
- Yes.
Copy !req
1054. - And you got the Cokes.
Copy !req
1055. Hey. Just a little rap on the side
of the machine and presto.
Copy !req
1056. Maybe that's it though,
you know?
Copy !req
1057. Look what I found in my bag.
Copy !req
1058. Oh, no. Oh, boy.
Copy !req
1059. What do you think?
Doyou?
Copy !req
1060. Well, under the right circumstances,
sure, I could tip a few. Okay.
Copy !req
1061. Well, under the right circumstances,
sure, I could tip a few. Okay.
Copy !req
1062. - And these are the right circumstances.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1063. - All right.
- Here we go.
Copy !req
1064. - Celebrate good times, come on
- Oh, well.
Copy !req
1065. Oh, that must be mine.
Copy !req
1066. Ow.
Copy !req
1067. Oh, geez.
Copy !req
1068. Oh, God.
Copy !req
1069. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1070. Irene.
Copy !req
1071. Hmm?
Copy !req
1072. Why am I peeing like I was
up all night having sex?
Copy !req
1073. Why am I peeing like I was
up all night having sex?
Copy !req
1074. Well, seems old Hank
had pulled a fast one.
Copy !req
1075. And if that
wasn't bad enough,
Copy !req
1076. there was more trouble
right around the corner.
Copy !req
1077. I want everybody to stay put
and wait for my orders.
Copy !req
1078. You mean to tell me you couldn't tell
the difference between us?
Copy !req
1079. Are you serious?
Copy !req
1080. Who the hell could?
Copy !req
1081. A sober person, for one.
Copy !req
1082. So we had some drinks.
Copy !req
1083. Well, look who joined the party.
Copy !req
1084. Did you have fun?
Copy !req
1085. Oh, yes I did!
Oh, yes I did!
Copy !req
1086. So I guess old Hanky-panky
wasn't enough for you, huh?
Copy !req
1087. It wasn't for me.
Copy !req
1088. - Now, you're sure this is the woman?
- Absolutely.
Copy !req
1089. When my boyfriend Scooter
brought in the morning paper,
Copy !req
1090. I recognized her right away.
Copy !req
1091. Thanks a lot.
Scooter.
Copy !req
1092. Hey, look, Starsky and Hutch.
Look, man, how about this, man? This is the plan, look.
Copy !req
1093. Why don't you let us talk to our dad so
this ain't gotta be no big thing, man?
Copy !req
1094. Thanks, fellas, but this is
the end of the line for you.
Copy !req
1095. Now, offiicer Stubie's gonna
drive you back to the chopper.
Copy !req
1096. What? You brung us all the way
down here for us to leave now?
Copy !req
1097. Man, yeah. That don't make
no motherfuckin' sense.
Copy !req
1098. Well, you guys have
done all you can do.
Copy !req
1099. This is strictly a police
matter from here on in.
Copy !req
1100. Wait.
It maybe a police matter to you,
Copy !req
1101. but the police don't matter shit
to me when it's my daddy in there.
Copy !req
1102. I said you're getting
the hell out ofhere.
Copy !req
1103. That's the end of it.
Copy !req
1104. Guys, look, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1105. I hate to admit it,
but this time he's right.
Copy !req
1106. You can't be here.
It's a liability thing.
Copy !req
1107. - Hey, man,
he's the motherfuckin' liability. - Don't worryaboutit.
Copy !req
1108. This is my investigation. I promiseyou
there will be no bloodshed.
Copy !req
1109. I promise.
Copy !req
1110. Come on, guys.
Copy !req
1111. Let's go.
Copy !req
1112. You okay, Charlie?
Copy !req
1113. Uh, yeah. I'm just, uh,
Copy !req
1114. freshening up.
Copy !req
1115. How do you want
to handle it?
Copy !req
1116. I say we storm the place
and start shooting.
Copy !req
1117. But what if he's unarmed?
Copy !req
1118. Plant a gun on him afterwards.
Copy !req
1119. Don't fuck it up this time.
Copy !req
1120. Agent Boshane.
Copy !req
1121. It's Stubie.
He's got Baileygates and the girl.
Copy !req
1122. What?
Copy !req
1123. This is Boshane.
What's going on?
Copy !req
1124. I caught them out on 134
in a stolen vehicle.
Copy !req
1125. Baileygates and the girl.
I got them.
Copy !req
1126. Officer Stubie, I don't want you
to attempt to move them alone, you hear me?
Copy !req
1127. Don't move them.
We'll be right there.
Copy !req
1128. In your car, come on.
Copy !req
1129. We sure is sorryu
about this, Offiicer.
Copy !req
1130. But our daddy always told us
to trust our instinct,
Copy !req
1131. and our instinct is tellin' us
something don't smell right.
Copy !req
1132. - Come on, let's roll.
- You guys are making a big mistake.
Copy !req
1133. 'Cause I promise you,
when I find your old man,
Copy !req
1134. I'm personally gonna fuck him up.
Copy !req
1135. Now, why did you go and say
something like that for, huh?
Copy !req
1136. Lee Harvey, what's the diameter
of a chicken egg?
Copy !req
1137. - 4.08 centimeters.
- No, no. What's that in inches?
Copy !req
1138. 1.61, man. What the fuck
you gettin' at, man?
Copy !req
1139. I got ten bucks say
I can squeeze a chicken egg up his ass without it breakin'.
Copy !req
1140. Man, youcan't put no chicken egg up his
ass. Look at him. He's a tight-ass.
Copy !req
1141. - No, it can be done. Right on.
- Yo, I'll take that bet.
Copy !req
1142. Pull your ass out.
Copy !req
1143. I'll tell you one thing. Ifl didn't
have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
Copy !req
1144. What are we gonna do
about Whitey?
Copy !req
1145. Take a guess.
We're going on without him.
Copy !req
1146. Moody.
Copy !req
1147. Yeah, well, I didn't have
the fun you had last night.
Copy !req
1148. I just got the hangover
and the swollen prostate.
Copy !req
1149. Doyou have any cash left
from when we checked in?
Copy !req
1150. - Yes, 60 bucks, but it's Whitey's.
- Yeah, well.
Copy !req
1151. Bad things happen to people who kill
their familywith a hammer.
Copy !req
1152. I'm payin'
but it's under protest.
Copy !req
1153. - Come on. It was close enough.
- Yeah, whatever.
Copy !req
1154. - Shit.
- Hey, give me the police scanner, man,
Copy !req
1155. - so we can find out
what the fuck's going on. - All right.
Copy !req
1156. - Well, motherfucker,
you speak German, don't you? - Motherfucker, I can speak it.
Copy !req
1157. - I didn't say I could
read the shit all that good. -You's a motherfuckin' disgrace.
Copy !req
1158. - Then get this motherfucker
off the ground! - All right, all right, all right.
Copy !req
1159. Whoa, shit!
Copy !req
1160. Whoa, shit!
Copy !req
1161. Oh!
Copy !req
1162. - Oh.
Copy !req
1163. Oh, Jesus!
Copy !req
1164. Would somebody get this goddamn chicken
out of my ass, please?
Copy !req
1165. Stay back.
We'll do it alone.
Copy !req
1166. I'll take 19, you take 20.
Copy !req
1167. Stay back!
Copy !req
1168. Some turn out a hundred grand
Copy !req
1169. - Goddamn it!
Copy !req
1170. Sons of bitches. I'll show 'em.
Sons of bitches.
Copy !req
1171. I need a gun and lots of ammo.
Copy !req
1172. Whoa, sorry.
72-hour wait, federal law.
Copy !req
1173. How far am I from Rhode lsland?
Copy !req
1174. Four or five hours.
Copy !req
1175. I got a map of New England
if you want it, $1.95.
Copy !req
1176. - Here's a five. Keep the change.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
1177. - Hello.
- Finneran, it's Charlie.
Copy !req
1178. Charlie, you are in deep shit.
Where the hell areyou?
Copy !req
1179. Listen, you gotta get a message
to the colonel for me.
Copy !req
1180. But no one outside the department
can know about this, all right?
Copy !req
1181. 'Cause this is deep.
Copy !req
1182. 4:30, South County Train Station,
bring plenty of backup.
Copy !req
1183. You've got it.
And don't worry,
Copy !req
1184. nobody outside the department
will hear about this.
Copy !req
1185. Watch yourself, buddy, okay?
Copy !req
1186. 4:30, eh?
Thanks for notifying us, Offiicer.
Copy !req
1187. No, you've been
a really big help.
Copy !req
1188. - You stay close.
- Yes, sir.
Copy !req
1189. - Excuse me.
- Huh?
Copy !req
1190. Where's Dickie?
Copy !req
1191. He's waiting
for us in Boston.
Copy !req
1192. I think it's about time
our little rich boy got his hands dirty.
Copy !req
1193. So, tell me.
Copy !req
1194. How was, uh, Mr. Wonderful?
Copy !req
1195. This is getting really ridiculous,
Charlie, so just let it go.
Copy !req
1196. You know, I turn my back
for one minute,
Copy !req
1197. and you stick it
up my ass, literally.
Copy !req
1198. For your information,
you stuck it in your own ass!
Copy !req
1199. Oh, don't turn this
around on me, okay?
Copy !req
1200. You're the one
that can't keep your legs closed.
Copy !req
1201. Why are you doing this?
Copy !req
1202. Because I like you!
Copy !req
1203. What?
Copy !req
1204. I like you.
Copy !req
1205. I like you.
Copy !req
1206. Well, you shouldn't, Charlie.
Copy !req
1207. I'm just a ditz.
Copy !req
1208. A ditz? What are
you talking about?
Copy !req
1209. You're 27 years old. You're the
superintendent of a major golfresort.
Copy !req
1210. Uh, yeah, well, I kind offudged
my resume a little bit to get that job.
Copy !req
1211. Oh?
Copy !req
1212. Look, I don't know the first thing
about running a golfcourse, Charlie.
Copy !req
1213. I'm a model.
Copy !req
1214. - Huh?
- I moved to New York.
Copy !req
1215. But none of it worked out,
so then I tried to be an actress.
Copy !req
1216. I got this eating disorder
where I gained, like, 20 pounds.
Copy !req
1217. That's not that bad.
Copy !req
1218. - In a week.
- Oh.
Copy !req
1219. So I kind oflost
my self-respect.
Copy !req
1220. Before you know it, I had
70-year-old guys trying to support me,
Copy !req
1221. and I just really didn't like
who I was becoming.
Copy !req
1222. God, I've made so many mistakes.
Copy !req
1223. Irene.
Copy !req
1224. You didn't know
what Dickie was up to, did you?
Copy !req
1225. I may be a ditz,
but I'm not a crook.
Copy !req
1226. When we met
light was shed
Copy !req
1227. Thoughts free flow
you said
Copy !req
1228. You've got something
Copy !req
1229. Deep inside of you
Copy !req
1230. A wind chime voice sound
Copy !req
1231. The sway of your hips
round rings true
Copy !req
1232. - My ass is really sore.
Copy !req
1233. Echoes deep inside of you
Copy !req
1234. Wow.
Copy !req
1235. I never get tired
of hearing that.
Copy !req
1236. Hey.
Copy !req
1237. Oh, hey.
I'm looking for my friends.
Copy !req
1238. A pretty little blonde
and a tall guy with a buzz cut.
Copy !req
1239. - Cabin " E."
- Thanks a lot.
Copy !req
1240. Shh. Don't make a sound.
Copy !req
1241. I don't know anything, and that's
exactly what I told the police.
Copy !req
1242. - Iswear.
- Shut up, lrene! You just listen to me.
Copy !req
1243. Maybe we can
work something out.
Copy !req
1244. Time to face the music, Mozart.
And a-one, and a-two, and—
Copy !req
1245. Warden, I want my own cell.
Copy !req
1246. Oh, great, you again.
Copy !req
1247. - What tree did
this sap ooze out of? - It's Dickie.
Copy !req
1248. - What tree did
this sap ooze out of? - It's Dickie.
Copy !req
1249. - It's the guy who got me
into all this crap! Yeah. - Oh, your golfbuddy?
Copy !req
1250. - I hope he doesn't mind
if I play through. - Knock it off, Hank.
Copy !req
1251. - Okay, turn around.
I'll play the back nine. - Stop it!
Copy !req
1252. Come on, he couldn't have chewed up
the greens that badly.
Copy !req
1253. - Get away from me!
- Whoa.
Copy !req
1254. He hasn't played the course
in a long time, okay?
Copy !req
1255. It was Charlie who was putting.
Copy !req
1256. - Charlie?
- Yeah, that's right.
Copy !req
1257. He might not be long off the tee, but
he's got a pretty good up and down game.
Copy !req
1258. What the hell is that supp— Can we
just speak English for a second here?
Copy !req
1259. I never wanted to sleep with you,
Hank, okay? You tricked me.
Copy !req
1260. Yeah, that's right.
I did trickyou.
Copy !req
1261. It was deceitful.
It was disgusting and despicable.
Copy !req
1262. But just this once,
try to look at it from my side.
Copy !req
1263. - I was horny.
- Oh, God.
Copy !req
1264. You are such an asshole!
Copy !req
1265. Come on. Don't be mad,
my little pussy fart.
Copy !req
1266. Now, I warned you
about that, buddy.
Copy !req
1267. Warned me about what?
Copy !req
1268. Charlie?
Copy !req
1269. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
1270. Providence, Rhode lsland.
Ten-minute stop.
Copy !req
1271. - Did you—
- What?
Copy !req
1272. - What the hell is going on here?
- Hank was coming on to me again.
Copy !req
1273. Hank? Damn it.
Copy !req
1274. I am so sick of that guy.
Copy !req
1275. Okay, Hank,
come on out here.
Copy !req
1276. Let's settle this
the old-fashioned way. Come on!
Copy !req
1277. I may not be tough, but, damn it,
I can get good and mad!
Copy !req
1278. - Come on!
- Stop it, man. You're scaring me.
Copy !req
1279. What's the matter with you?
Copy !req
1280. Let's get off. Let's get off
before he wakes up. Come on.
Copy !req
1281. I'm not through with you, buster.
I'm not through with you!
Copy !req
1282. What's the matter, Hank? Afraid
to pick on someone your own size?
Copy !req
1283. Areyou okay?
Copy !req
1284. Whathappened?
Copy !req
1285. That was dirty.
Copy !req
1286. All right. Come on.
Where are you?
Copy !req
1287. Where are you?
Here I am.
Copy !req
1288. Oh, you bastard.
Copy !req
1289. Stop it,
you're gonna kill him!
Copy !req
1290. You're choking me.
Copy !req
1291. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Charlie,
don't break it. Don't break it.
Copy !req
1292. Get on your knees and beg me.
Upyours. I beg—
Copy !req
1293. On your feet, Opie.
We're gonna have some fun.
Copy !req
1294. Irene.
Copy !req
1295. Irene.
Copy !req
1296. Hi, ladies. My name is Charlie
Baileygates. Wanna see myweasel?
Copy !req
1297. Free hot dogs here.
All you can eat.
Copy !req
1298. Getyour foot-long
and a bag ofnuts.
Copy !req
1299. No, don't listen to him!
It's not me. It's Hank.
Copy !req
1300. Come back here, Hank.
I'm not through with you!
Copy !req
1301. Had enough? Upyours.
Copy !req
1302. Stop it, you two!
Stop it!
Copy !req
1303. It's Gerke!
Come on!
Copy !req
1304. All right, Hank, truce.
For now, fucker.
Copy !req
1305. Watch out!
He's gotagun!
Copy !req
1306. I'll follow the girl.
You get Baileygates.
Copy !req
1307. Police officer!
Everybody down!
Copy !req
1308. Get down!
Copy !req
1309. Ow!
Copy !req
1310. Get out of the way.
Copy !req
1311. Hank, we're shot.
Copy !req
1312. Come on, you pussy.
It's just a flesh wound. Look.
Copy !req
1313. Look, there's
keys in the car.
Copy !req
1314. No, I can't go on.
Copy !req
1315. I think—
Copy !req
1316. I think I'm gonna faint.
Copy !req
1317. Do you mean to say
that I gotta carry your sorry ass?
Copy !req
1318. All right.
Copy !req
1319. Come on, Rip Van Wussy.
Copy !req
1320. Jesus, you're heavy.
Copy !req
1321. Get in there.
Copy !req
1322. And we're gone.
Copy !req
1323. Oh, shit!
Don't worry about him.
Copy !req
1324. Hank, what have you done?
Copy !req
1325. Oh, my God!
Don't you just love it.
Copy !req
1326. It's a strange condition
Copy !req
1327. A day in prison
Copy !req
1328. - Move it.
- It's got me out of my head
Copy !req
1329. And I don't know
what I came for
Copy !req
1330. You are a sick pup.
Copy !req
1331. Yeah, well, it takes one to know one.
What are you doing?
Copy !req
1332. - Hank!
Copy !req
1333. Ever been bitch-slapped?
Copy !req
1334. I'm gonna kill you,
Hank, I swear to God.
Copy !req
1335. Arrivederci, deadwood.
No!
Copy !req
1336. 'Cause I want to know
Copy !req
1337. And it's a strange condition
Copy !req
1338. A day in prison
Copy !req
1339. You got me out of my head
Copy !req
1340. And I don't know
what I came for
Copy !req
1341. And I want you to know
Copy !req
1342. What the hell areyou
still doing here?
Copy !req
1343. You can't just throw me away, Hank.
We're in this together.
Copy !req
1344. Pritchard.
Copy !req
1345. Cover the other end.
I want Charlie arrested on sight.
Copy !req
1346. Hey, lrene.
You just keep walking now.
Copy !req
1347. Irene?
Copy !req
1348. Irene?
Copy !req
1349. Hold it, Baileygates.
You're coming with me.
Copy !req
1350. - Not now, Finneran.
- Yes, now!
Copy !req
1351. That was me.
Copy !req
1352. Yeah, big deal. The guy's got
a glassjaw. Shut up, Hank!
Copy !req
1353. - You know, you're so—
- Hank!
Copy !req
1354. Hank!
Copy !req
1355. Hey, let her go!
Copy !req
1356. She asked for me, asshole.
Big deal.
Copy !req
1357. Dickie, you know
I don't know anything.
Copy !req
1358. Shut up, lrene.
It's too late.
Copy !req
1359. Hank!
Copy !req
1360. Hank!
Copy !req
1361. - No way.
- Come on.
Copy !req
1362. - Oh, no, water.
Copy !req
1363. Yeah, she's pretty much screwed.
Come on, I'll buy you a beer.
Copy !req
1364. No, we're doing this.
Copy !req
1365. Hey.
Copy !req
1366. Hank, what are you doing?
Give me the leg.
Copy !req
1367. - Whoa! Hank, hurry!
Copy !req
1368. This is my body!
Copy !req
1369. Doyou understand that?
Copy !req
1370. I'm calling the shots
from now on, Hank.
Copy !req
1371. I don't need you
to fight my battles for me.
Copy !req
1372. If you can back down
from something this important,
Copy !req
1373. you're nothing at all.
Copy !req
1374. You're nothing at all!
Copy !req
1375. I got my leg back.
Copy !req
1376. Oh, no. Hank!
Copy !req
1377. I'm coming, lrene.
Copy !req
1378. Hank! No!
Copy !req
1379. It's okay, lrene.
Copy !req
1380. Hank's gone.
It's me, Charlie.
Copy !req
1381. Charlie?
Copy !req
1382. Uh, maybe you should
go back and get help.
Copy !req
1383. No, I can handle it.
Copy !req
1384. I'm warning you, pal.
You're gonna get hurt.
Copy !req
1385. - Be careful, Charlie.
Copy !req
1386. - Just do what he says, Charlie.
- Back off, back off!
Copy !req
1387. - Just turn around. Now!
- Take it easy, Dickie.
Copy !req
1388. - Take it easy.
Copy !req
1389. There's nowhere to go.
Copy !req
1390. Come on, Dickie.
Copy !req
1391. Give me the gun.
Copy !req
1392. Come on. Come on.
Copy !req
1393. That's it.
Nice and easy.
Copy !req
1394. Where's my thumb?
Copy !req
1395. That's kidnapping and assault.
You know that, don't you?
Copy !req
1396. - Well, why stop there?
- No!
Copy !req
1397. - Oh, God.
Copy !req
1398. - Whitey!
- Rock 'n' roll!
Copy !req
1399. Irene?
Copy !req
1400. Irene!
Copy !req
1401. Irene!
Copy !req
1402. Irene!
Copy !req
1403. - Irene, lrene.
- What? What? Oh, my God. Ow.
Copy !req
1404. Keep going.
Bring it down, bring it down.
Copy !req
1405. - Look at that.
- We're coming, Daddy. We're coming, man.
Copy !req
1406. It's my kids!
Copy !req
1407. Come on, Daddy!
Grab ahold of that motherfucker, man!
Copy !req
1408. I always dance with a lady
gets me there every time
Copy !req
1409. On the road to recovery, shit,
I think we missed the damn sign
Copy !req
1410. So, how's my thumb
looking, Doc?
Copy !req
1411. I'll let you know when I find it.
Copy !req
1412. - Irene, Charlie.
- Hey.
Copy !req
1413. - This is Agent Steve Parfitt, F.B.I.
Old friend. - Nice to see you.
Copy !req
1414. You must be awfully
proud of these maniacs.
Copy !req
1415. Oh, I am.
Copy !req
1416. - Yeah, you know, we're proud
of this motherfucker too. - Oh.
Copy !req
1417. - It's good to see you're safe, Dad.
I'll tell you that. - Yeah.
Copy !req
1418. The colonel informed them
that all the guilty parties...
Copy !req
1419. had been apprehended.
Copy !req
1420. Gerke was arraigned
at a Providence hospital,
Copy !req
1421. and Agent Boshane had been arrested
at the train station in New London.
Copy !req
1422. But Charlie Baileygates
had other things on his mind.
Copy !req
1423. - Charlie, nicely done.
- Thanks, Sea Bass.
Copy !req
1424. Hey, Whitey.
Listen, I just wanted to tell you...
Copy !req
1425. that I really appreciate
everything you did for me.
Copy !req
1426. I owe you a huge one.
Copy !req
1427. And I'm truly sorry
that you had to kill again.
Copy !req
1428. It must be really
messing with your head.
Copy !req
1429. - I never killed anyone before.
- What?
Copy !req
1430. Look, you were an admitted schizo
who was wanted for murder...
Copy !req
1431. and you were laying in bed next to me
gabbin' like a 16-year-old girl on the telephone.
Copy !req
1432. You freaked me out, man.
Copy !req
1433. But what about your family?
How did they die?
Copy !req
1434. I never said they were dead.
Copy !req
1435. I said they were gone.
They moved to Phoenix, the bastards.
Copy !req
1436. Look at me. I wouldn't last
two minutes out in the desert.
Copy !req
1437. Hey, your bandage is wet.
Copy !req
1438. Oh, yeah?
Well, maybe it's time to come off.
Copy !req
1439. I'm surprised
it's held on this long.
Copy !req
1440. Hey, that's not so bad.
Copy !req
1441. Hey, Daddy. We just wanted to say
thatyou— Holy shit.
Copy !req
1442. Look, Daddy got
a goddamn butthole on his face.
Copy !req
1443. - All Laughing]
- Oh, boy. Here we go.
Copy !req
1444. He sure is
a Spartacus-lookin' motherfucker.
Copy !req
1445. Hey, Daddy, man.
Look, man.
Copy !req
1446. Now you can blow your nose
and wipe your ass at the same damn time.
Copy !req
1447. You know what I'm saying?
Oh, shit.
Copy !req
1448. - So.
- So.
Copy !req
1449. How did your meeting
with the shrink go?
Copy !req
1450. Oh, wonderful.
A clean bill of health.
Copy !req
1451. - Yeah?
- Just anotherwell-rounded individual.
Copy !req
1452. That's great, Charlie.
I'm really happy for you.
Copy !req
1453. Thank you.
Copy !req
1454. Well, uh,
Copy !req
1455. I hope if you're ever,
you know, around here,
Copy !req
1456. you'll, uh,
come and visit us.
Copy !req
1457. Yeah. Little Rhodie.
Copy !req
1458. Biggest little state in the union.
Copy !req
1459. Yeah.
Copy !req
1460. Yeah.
Copy !req
1461. - Oh, let me get that for you.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
1462. - Hey, lrene.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
1463. Maybe I could come
visit you sometime soon.
Copy !req
1464. Promise?
Copy !req
1465. You bet.
Copy !req
1466. And that's the word
of a Rhode lsland State Trooper, ma'am.
Copy !req
1467. I found you sitting
on a suitcase crying
Copy !req
1468. Beneath my feet
Copy !req
1469. I feel the rumble
of a subway train
Copy !req
1470. Yeah
I laugh out loud
Copy !req
1471. 'Cause it's the one thing
I hadn't been trying
Copy !req
1472. The train came in breathless
the passengers restless
Copy !req
1473. You said
baby, you'll never change
Copy !req
1474. You gotta get gone
Copy !req
1475. You gotta get going
Copy !req
1476. Hey, the world
ain't slowing down
Copy !req
1477. - You gotta be kidding.
Copy !req
1478. Hold it right there.
Copy !req
1479. - Miss Waters.
- Yes?
Copy !req
1480. - I'd likeyou to step
out of the car please. - What did I not do now?
Copy !req
1481. We have reason to believe
this is a stolen vehicle.
Copy !req
1482. What? No, no.
Copy !req
1483. I rented this car.
Copy !req
1484. Would you step
out of the car, please?
Copy !req
1485. Great.
Copy !req
1486. - Front of the car, please.
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
1487. Hands on the hood.
Copy !req
1488. - Spread your legs.
- That's great. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
1489. - Mm-hmm.
- Thank you. Just following procedure, ma'am.
Copy !req
1490. Oh, you guys.
You guys are beautiful.
Copy !req
1491. Look, why don't we
just skip the trial?
Copy !req
1492. Get right to it. You can lock me up
and keep me here forever.
Copy !req
1493. That's what I had planned.
Copy !req
1494. Oh, Charlie.
Copy !req
1495. It sounds like a song
it hits you like scripture
Copy !req
1496. You paint the picture
Copy !req
1497. With colors squeezed
from your hand
Copy !req
1498. Weren't you the kid
Copy !req
1499. Who just climbed
on the merry-go-round
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1500. It's gonna be raining
wine and roses tonight.
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1501. I'll tell you one thing. It's gonna be
raining my motherfuckin' cookies...
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1502. if this motherfucker don't
stop this turbulence shit.
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1503. - That's what the fuck I'm talking about.
- Come on, man.
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1504. Well, that's
Charlie's story, and I'm sticking to it.
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1505. They all moved in together
and lived as one big happy family—
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1506. Charlie and lrene, the guys,
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1507. even that nice
albino fella, Whitey.
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1508. And I'm happy toreport
Charlie got promoted to Lieutenant...
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1509. in the greatest
law enforcement agency in the land.
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1510. the Rhode lsland State Police.
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1511. Yeah, it was
a regular slice of Americana.
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1512. Y'all come back now. Thanks
for watchin' our motherfuckin' movie.
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1513. You gotta get gone
you gotta get going
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1514. Hey, the world ain't
slowing down for no one
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1515. - It's a carnival
calling out toyou -
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1516. It's calling out to you
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1517. It sounds like a song
it hits you like scripture
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1518. You paint the picture
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1519. With colors squeezed
from your hand
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1520. Weren't you the kid
who just climbed on the merry-go
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1521. Okay, everybody.
The water temperature is 63 degrees.
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1522. Pop's thumb should be all right
if we find it within the next six hours.
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1523. - You sure about that?
- Do the math, motherfucker.
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1524. - Damn.
- Geez.
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1525. - Hey, I think I found it.
- What?
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1526. - False alarm.
- Oh, damn, Whitey.
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1527. Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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