1. I got a star on my car and one on my chestCopy !req
2. A gun on my hip and the right to arrestCopy !req
3. I'm a guy who's the boss on this highwayCopy !req
4. So watch out what you're doin'
when you're drivin'my wayCopy !req
5. If you break the law,
you'll hear from me, I knowCopy !req
6. I'm workin'for the state,
I'm the highway patrolCopy !req
7. Well, you'll know me when you see me
cos my door's painted whiteCopy !req
8. My siren a-screamin'
and my flashin'red lightCopy !req
9. I work all day and I work all nightCopy !req
10. Just to keep the law and order,
tryin' to do what's rightCopy !req
11. If I write you out a ticket,
then you'd better drive slowCopy !req
12. I'm just a-doin'my job,
I'm the highway patrolCopy !req
13. I'm the highway patrol,
the highway patrolCopy !req
14. My hours are long and my pay is lowCopy !req
15. But I'll do my best to keep you drivin'slowCopy !req
16. I'm just a-doin'my job,
I'm the highway patrolCopy !req
17. Meet Charlie.
Helpful dad, upstanding citizen...Copy !req
18. and an 18-year veteran of the greatest
law enforcement agency in the land:Copy !req
19. the Rhode Island State Police.Copy !req
20. That's Charlie's home. Modest, like the man.Copy !req
21. Even though he lived on the water,
Charlie wasn't much of a swimmer...Copy !req
22. which will come into play
a little later in our story.Copy !req
23. But I'm getting way ahead of myself.Copy !req
24. You know, maybe it's best
if we just go back and begin at the beginning.Copy !req
25. As a young man,
Charlie had the world by its bootstraps.Copy !req
26. He was the best young trooper on the force...Copy !req
27. and was dating
the prettiest and smartest gal in town.Copy !req
28. Her name was Layla... just like the melody.Copy !req
29. Mm, Charlie...Copy !req
30. you've no idea how much I love you.Copy !req
31. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
32. Well, will you stay with me no matter what?Copy !req
33. Of course, Charlie.Copy !req
34. What if I had to move to the Arctic
and you could never come home...Copy !req
35. and had to eat whale blubber for the rest
of your life? Would you still stay with me?Copy !req
36. Yeah, I'd stay.Copy !req
37. But I hope that never happens.Copy !req
38. Yeah, me too.Copy !req
39. Well, by springtime they had made it official.Copy !req
40. Boy, let me tell you, that was some wedding.Copy !req
41. It was presided over
by Father Ken Gumbert...Copy !req
42. and half of the Rhode Island
State Police Force was in attendance.Copy !req
43. - Congratulations, Charlie.
- Thank you, Captain.Copy !req
44. All right!Copy !req
45. Look what I got!Copy !req
46. Whoo! Here you go.Copy !req
47. Mm...Copy !req
48. Oh, um...Copy !req
49. Excuse me, do you people take cheques?Copy !req
50. Say that again. Do "we people" take cheques?
You mean a black man?Copy !req
51. No, no, no, no! God, no. Your company.Copy !req
52. Don't give me that bullshit!
That was a racist slur.Copy !req
53. - No, it wasn't, really. I would never...
- Tell you what, I'll make it easy for you.Copy !req
54. Why don't you just pay me in cotton
or a cartload of watermelons?Copy !req
55. Or how's about some fried chicken cos you
know how black people love fried chicken!Copy !req
56. - Hey, no, come on now.
- What's going on?Copy !req
57. This cat don't believe a nigger knows how
to cash a cheque! Ain't that 'bout a bitch?Copy !req
58. Charlie, I don't wanna ever hear you
use the n-word in this house.Copy !req
59. What! I...
I never said anything remotely racist!Copy !req
60. - Oh, so it's a "little people" thing, then.
- No!Copy !req
61. You thinkjust cos I'm small you can
push me around? Well, come on, let's boogie.Copy !req
62. I'm gonna give you a little lesson
in low centre of gravity.Copy !req
63. Hey! Whoa! Hey! Stop it!Copy !req
64. Hey, cut it... Stop it now. Sir!Copy !req
65. Don't patronise me with that "Sir" crap!Copy !req
66. - Oh, oh!
- Hey, those are illegal. Stop.Copy !req
67. Ooh, God! Ow!Copy !req
68. Oh, it's on now. It's on!Copy !req
69. Argh! Oh!Copy !req
70. - Charlie, don't hit him!
- Me?Copy !req
71. Oh, Charlie! Charlie!
Charlie, stop it! Charlie, stop it!Copy !req
72. Hey! Hey!
Hey, just let me handle this. Stop it!Copy !req
73. Excuse me, Mr, um... um, Jackson. Uh...Copy !req
74. Oh, stop it! Wait, wait.
What is your first name?Copy !req
75. - It's Shonté.
- Bah!Copy !req
76. Shonté, I am... I am...
I am so, so sorry. I apologise.Copy !req
77. Oh, come on here.
Let me walk you to your car.Copy !req
78. I have no patience for people
who judge books by their cover.Copy !req
79. And you shouldn't have to!Copy !req
80. Treating me like a dumbshit!
I mean, who does he think he's talking to?Copy !req
81. I'm a professor
of molecular genetics at Brown.Copy !req
82. And I'm head of the Boston chapter of Mensa.Copy !req
83. - You're kidding?
- No.Copy !req
84. I'm just driving this limo
as a sociological experiment. That's it.Copy !req
85. But Mensa?
I-I'm president of the Providence chapter.Copy !req
86. No kidding.Copy !req
87. Just when Charlie thought
life couldn't get any sweeter...Copy !req
88. old Mr Stork dropped in
to pay him and Layla a visit.Copy !req
89. It's a boy!Copy !req
90. Oh...Copy !req
91. boy, oy, oy.Copy !req
92. Wow!Copy !req
93. He's so...Copy !req
94. Wow!Copy !req
95. - Pu-pu-pu...
- Pu? Pu?Copy !req
96. Whoa, you're in luck!Copy !req
97. - He's got company!
- Pu-pu-pu...Copy !req
98. - Argh! Argh!
- Push! Push!Copy !req
99. Charlie loved those boys so much,
he just couldn't face the truth.Copy !req
100. And so he went on with his life
as if everything was normal.Copy !req
101. Hey, Finneran.Copy !req
102. - Hey, buddy.
- Hey!Copy !req
103. - Hope you brought your appetite with you.
- Oh, I did.Copy !req
104. - Charlie, your kids look great.
- Yeah, don't they? Thanks.Copy !req
105. Charlie...Copy !req
106. just between you and me, d'you ever notice
that your kids have a year-round tan?Copy !req
107. Yeah, well...Copy !req
108. uh, my great-grandmother's half-ltalian.Copy !req
109. - Half-ltalian?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
110. Well, that's probably why
the water beads off the hair, huh?Copy !req
111. Yeah, so? I mean, a lot of people
have different... kind of hair.Copy !req
112. - Oh, yeah.
- What are you... What are you getting at?Copy !req
113. Well, no, I'm just saying it's...Copy !req
114. Come on, goddamn it! Those kids' dicks
are bigger than them sausages!Copy !req
115. Knock it off!
You're talking about my children.Copy !req
116. - Since you brought it up, I wanna ask...
- Finneran!Copy !req
117. Get over here. It's your turn.Copy !req
118. Charlie.Copy !req
119. Don't mind me.
It's just the beer talking, you know? Whoo!Copy !req
120. Sure.Copy !req
121. There's something... powerful
bubbling up inside me, Father.Copy !req
122. And I'm afraid that some day...Copy !req
123. if I don't do something, I'm gonna explode.Copy !req
124. Where does this rage come from, my son?Copy !req
125. I don't know. It's a lot of things, really.Copy !req
126. Take my wife, for example.Copy !req
127. I love her like no other, but...Copy !req
128. part of me suspects
that she may be having an affair.Copy !req
129. And I'm probably
just being paranoid here, but...Copy !req
130. I get the feeling that the entire town
is laughing at me behind my back.Copy !req
131. Charlie, that you?Copy !req
132. Eventually,
Charlie's worst fears were realised.Copy !req
133. I'm so sorry, Charlie.Copy !req
134. Really, I am.Copy !req
135. But I have to do this.Copy !req
136. I found my soul mate.Copy !req
137. But...Copy !req
138. I thought I was your soul mate.Copy !req
139. Oh.Copy !req
140. Come on, legs! Let's roll, baby.Copy !req
141. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
142. I guess the heartjust wants
what the heart wants.Copy !req
143. Bye, Charlie.Copy !req
144. But you said you'd eat whale blubber.Copy !req
145. She'll be eating blubber all right,
just as soon as I free willy.Copy !req
146. Oh.Copy !req
147. It's funny how a man reacts
when his heart gets broken.Copy !req
148. Some break down and cry like a baby.Copy !req
149. Others, they take out an Uzi
and climb a clock tower.Copy !req
150. But Charlie Baileygates
didn't seem to react at all.Copy !req
151. He just swallowed hard, felt that slab of
heartache slide over the lump in his throat...Copy !req
152. and he locked it all away.Copy !req
153. As you can imagine, it wasn't easy for
little Jamaal, Lee Harvey and Shonté Junior...Copy !req
154. growing up without a mom.Copy !req
155. But Charlie made that little house
into a big old home...Copy !req
156. and the boys flourished.Copy !req
157. Let me tell you, they were smart ones.Copy !req
158. - What are you building, fellas?
- An airplane, Daddy.Copy !req
159. B-b-b-bye-bye!Copy !req
160. Bye, Daddy!
Have a good time at work.Copy !req
161. Love you, Daddy!Copy !req
162. No. No!Copy !req
163. Hey, stop it!Copy !req
164. Get... Jamaal, you're in a lot of trouble!Copy !req
165. Get off that! Don't you take off in that!Copy !req
166. How many seas must a white...Copy !req
167. Shonté Junior, how can you keep
eating that crap and never gain weight?Copy !req
168. I don't know. Just lucky, I guess.Copy !req
169. - How many times must the cannonball fly
- Do you believe his voice?Copy !req
170. - That's Gomer Pyle!
- Before they're forever banned?Copy !req
171. Daddy, can we watch Richard Pryor on HBO?Copy !req
172. Richard Pryor?Copy !req
173. Pleee-ase.Copy !req
174. Okaay.Copy !req
175. In Africa, though,
I go out in the country. Whoo.Copy !req
176. You see some lions and shit.
I'm talkin'about real lions.Copy !req
177. Not them kind you be fuckin' with in the zoo.Copy !req
178. You know how you go fuck with a lion?
"Hey, lion! Motherfucker!"Copy !req
179. Be throwin'shit at it. Lion'd be "Oh, ooh".Copy !req
180. As they have a way of doing,
the years passed somewhat regularly.Copy !req
181. And the boys, well, they came into their own.Copy !req
182. is make her toss my salad!Copy !req
183. The guy's like "Toss my salad? What's that?"Copy !req
184. Having your salad tossed means having
your asshole eaten out with jelly or syrup.Copy !req
185. I prefer syrup.Copy !req
186. He's a funny motherfucker!Copy !req
187. Although Charlie's police work had
started to suffer, the kids were doing great.Copy !req
188. Damn! I can't figure out the atomic mass
of this motherfuckin' deuteron.Copy !req
189. Shit. Man, that shit's simple. Lookit.Copy !req
190. - Tell me this, tell me this.
- What? What?Copy !req
191. What's a deuteron made up of?Copy !req
192. Duh! A proton and a neutron.Copy !req
193. Then what's this motherfuckin' electron
doin' right there?Copy !req
194. - Shit, I don't know.
- Well, get it out of there then!Copy !req
195. OK, so you're sayin' I add up the atomic
masses of the proton and the neutron, right?Copy !req
196. I sees that, but what do I do with
the goddamn electron? Can I put it here?Copy !req
197. Enrico Fermi'd roll over in his
motherfuckin' grave if he heard that.Copy !req
198. He'd just turn over ass up in yo' face.Copy !req
199. - Man, Jamaal. Just cut my man some slack.
- I'm just trying to help him save face.Copy !req
200. He keep askin' questions,
they'll think he's stupid.Copy !req
201. - I ain't stupid.
- Mornin', fellas.Copy !req
202. Hey, Pops, how you doin', man?Copy !req
203. - What's all the commotion?
- Oh, just school shit and shit.Copy !req
204. - How's my little guy doing?
- Struggling.Copy !req
205. Quantum physics is confusing. If I don't
buckle down, I'll get myself another B+.Copy !req
206. Oh, that'd be whack.Copy !req
207. He's so fucking dumb,
he thinks calculus is a goddamn emperor.Copy !req
208. Give it up, dawg.Copy !req
209. Well, you think polypeptide's
a motherfuckin' toothpaste.Copy !req
210. Oh, I gotta get out of here.
I don't wanna have to bust a cap.Copy !req
211. Kisses.Copy !req
212. Mwah, Daddy.Copy !req
213. - See ya later.
- Love ya.Copy !req
214. Yeah, Charlie was getting
a lot of respect inside the house.Copy !req
215. But outside... Well, that was another story.Copy !req
216. Mornin', Ed.Copy !req
217. Charlie.Copy !req
218. Ed, did you see where my paper went today?Copy !req
219. The wife's got it in the shitter.Copy !req
220. Well, could you... tell her to throw it
on the porch when she's done?Copy !req
221. Can't you get one at work?Copy !req
222. Yeah, I...Copy !req
223. suppose I could.Copy !req
224. You betcha.Copy !req
225. - Hey, George, Herb.
- Hi, Charlie.Copy !req
226. - How do, fellas?
- Hi, Charlie.Copy !req
227. - Listen, Dick...
- Hey, guys, check out the rack on this one!Copy !req
228. - Whoa! Oh, yeah! That's what Daddy likes.
- It looks like a dead heat in a zeppelin race.Copy !req
229. - A couple of Hindenburgs, huh?
- Oh, the humanity!Copy !req
230. Come on, guys, take it easy. She's a mom.Copy !req
231. "She's a mom!"Copy !req
232. - She's a mom. Not my mom.
- She's a yummy mummy!Copy !req
233. You kill me!Copy !req
234. Sure, that is good.Copy !req
235. Listen, Dick,
I'm sorry to bother you like this but, uh...Copy !req
236. uh, your-your-your car
is gonna have to be moved.Copy !req
237. Yeah, sure, Charlie. OK. I should be
done here in another 10 or 15 minutes.Copy !req
238. I hate to be a stickler, Dick...Copy !req
239. but the law says you can't park in one place
for over an hour, and you've been there for...Copy !req
240. going on three days now.Copy !req
241. All right, all right. The law's the law.Copy !req
242. Park it up behind the grocery store,
will ya, Charlie?Copy !req
243. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
244. This one?Copy !req
245. There's an old saying: an ostrich
with his head in the sand makes a lousy cop.Copy !req
246. You see, if you can't deal with your own
problems, well, it's hard to deal with others.Copy !req
247. Sweetie? Sweetie? That's kinda dangerous.Copy !req
248. Wanna move it on to the sidewalk,
away from traffic?Copy !req
249. My dad says you're a joke
and I don't have to listen to you.Copy !req
250. Well, your father is entitled to his opinion.Copy !req
251. But I am an officer of the law,
and, by all rights, I could...Copy !req
252. Fuck off!Copy !req
253. You should watch your mouth, little girl.Copy !req
254. Excuse me. Charlie!Copy !req
255. Hey! You mind if I get ahead of you?
I'm in a wicked rush.Copy !req
256. - Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead.
- You're a doll.Copy !req
257. Hey, kids! Over here! Now!Copy !req
258. Didn't I tell you to stay with me?Copy !req
259. VagiClean, huh?Copy !req
260. What's the matter, honey?
Little extra cheese on the taco?Copy !req
261. - Excuse me?
- No, excuse me.Copy !req
262. There's no tag on this.Copy !req
263. Price check on VagiClean, aisle five.Copy !req
264. I repeat: price check on VagiClean...Copy !req
265. aisle five. That's VagiClean.Copy !req
266. We got a customer with a fallopian fungus.
She's baking bread and I think it's sourdough.Copy !req
267. Put a rush on that.Copy !req
268. Hey, big guy. Did you hear the news?Copy !req
269. My son Billy
got the lead in the high-school musical.Copy !req
270. Well, I guess he likes the cock after all.Copy !req
271. Wha...Copy !req
272. - Still wanna skip rope in the street?
- I'll tell my daddy, Charlie!Copy !req
273. Wrong answer.
And the name's Hank, fuckface.Copy !req
274. There you go, Dick. I parked it for you.Copy !req
275. By the way...Copy !req
276. you got a headlight out.Copy !req
277. Mm-mm! That looks good.Copy !req
278. - There you go, Colonel.
- Very good, Malcolm. Thank you.Copy !req
279. Colonel, something's wrong with Charlie.Copy !req
280. - 1-X to 1-12.
- 1-12 responding.Copy !req
281. Of course, there's not much about this sort of
thing in the Rhode Island State Police manual.Copy !req
282. So they sent him up to Boston
to see a team of highly trained head doctors.Copy !req
283. They quickly identifjed the problem.Copy !req
284. - You got a major screw loose.
- Huh?Copy !req
285. Doctors have diagnosed you
as having a "split personality".Copy !req
286. A schizo.Copy !req
287. - I don't remember this.
- That's because, according to that report...Copy !req
288. it wasn't you that this was happening to.
It was this other guy.Copy !req
289. - Hank.
- Huh?Copy !req
290. - Said his name was Hank.
- And apparently Hank is trying to get out.Copy !req
291. Trying to get out? What do you mean
"get out"? How did he get in?Copy !req
292. - You created him.
- By not dealing with your problems, Charlie.Copy !req
293. Ever since, uh...Copy !req
294. Well, you know.
You've been avoiding confrontation.Copy !req
295. - But this guy inside.
- Hank.Copy !req
296. He doesn't. Doctors feel that you've created
this character out of necessity.Copy !req
297. You never stick up for yourself.Copy !req
298. Charlie, why didn't you take a vacation
when Layla left?Copy !req
299. Why-why would I?Copy !req
300. You know, I... Wives leave their husbands
every day in this country.Copy !req
301. That's no reason
to short-change the department.Copy !req
302. I mean, it's not like I had the flu...Copy !req
303. - Have you picked up your medication?
- Yes!Copy !req
304. I'm really not crazy about it, though.
It makes me so dry.Copy !req
305. You have to take it anyway. Dr Rabinowitz
assures us, if you do, everything'll be fine.Copy !req
306. This is a bunch of crap!Copy !req
307. No wonder you're the smallest state.
Little mind, little state.Copy !req
308. Shouldn't even be a state.
Should be a district.Copy !req
309. Can you take these goddamn things off?Copy !req
310. And could you stop lookin' at my ass!Copy !req
311. Pritchard, what's going on here?Copy !req
312. Well, uh, Colonel, her name's Waters, Irene P.
I pulled her over on 95 for a broken tail light.Copy !req
313. I ran a check. She's got
an outstanding warrant in New York.Copy !req
314. - Hit and run?
- Hit and run.Copy !req
315. Injured pedestrian signed the complaint.Copy !req
316. Oh, well, I think I might remember that.
That is ridiculous.Copy !req
317. I've never been in an accident.
Not in my whole life.Copy !req
318. Well, I've just gotten off the phone
with the New York State Patrol.Copy !req
319. They don't seem to think it's so ridiculous.Copy !req
320. - Look... How can we fix...
- Were you in Massena last Friday?Copy !req
321. Well, yeah, I live there.
But I didn't have any accident.Copy !req
322. I'm just driving down
to Block Island to see my sister.Copy !req
323. You seem like a nice guy. Is there any way
that you might let me handle this by mail or...Copy !req
324. Unfortunately, Miss Waters,
I'm not the one you have to convince.Copy !req
325. If there's been a mistake,
you have to clear it up in Massena.Copy !req
326. What? OK, wait,
because of somebody else's mistake...Copy !req
327. I have to get in my car and
drive all the way back to upstate New York?Copy !req
328. No, ma'am.Copy !req
329. We'll have one of our troopers escort you.Copy !req
330. Hey, Hollywood, turn your fuckin' phone off.Copy !req
331. - Yeah?
- You're an asshole.Copy !req
332. Oh, hello, Irene. What'd I do now?Copy !req
333. Listen, I'm at a police station in Rhode Island.Copy !req
334. They're shipping me back to Massena
on some bogus crap.Copy !req
335. - Sound familiar?
- I don't have a clue what you're talkin' about.Copy !req
336. Dickie, cut the bullshit!Copy !req
337. Listen to me, OK?Copy !req
338. It's over, Dickie. It's over.Copy !req
339. So please just stop messing with me and call
your friends and tell them to back off, OK?Copy !req
340. Look, I'm being a straight shooter.Copy !req
341. If you need help, I'll help you. Just give me
all the details and I'll get to the bottom of it.Copy !req
342. Massena, New York!
Goddamn, Daddy! That's near Canada!Copy !req
343. I know, I know. Wasn't my idea.Copy !req
344. I gotta take this gal up north, and then the
colonel ordered me to take a week's vacation.Copy !req
345. A week's a long motherfuckin' time.Copy !req
346. He wants me to rest
while I'm getting used to the medication.Copy !req
347. Oh, come on. You don't have to worry
about us, Daddy. We're grown up now.Copy !req
348. These two can do the shopping.
I'll do the cooking.Copy !req
349. You do the cooking? Man, you thought
you got chipped beef from a toothy blow job!Copy !req
350. You're gonna have Shonté Junior
down or under goddamn 400lb. Fuck that.Copy !req
351. Can't have that happen. OK, guys.Copy !req
352. I'm not leaving till the morning, but
you know the rules: no bitches after eleven.Copy !req
353. - All right, Pops.
- Yeah, man.Copy !req
354. - Got you, Papa.
- Love you, Daddy!Copy !req
355. So who the hell's this Irene honey anyway?Copy !req
356. She worked for me the past two years.Copy !req
357. I hired her to be my golf-course
superintendent. We got close.Copy !req
358. No, you got stupid!Copy !req
359. For the love of shit, these are the loose ends
that can hang you, Dickie! And me too!Copy !req
360. - How much does she know?
- She might have gotten wind of some things.Copy !req
361. Yeah, well, we're gonna find out.Copy !req
362. The complaint was signed
by a guy named Peterson.Copy !req
363. - He's with the EPA.
- EPA? I thought they were in our pocket.Copy !req
364. Well, not all of 'em.Copy !req
365. Even though Charlie didn't
wholeheartedly agree with the top brass...Copy !req
366. he did as he was told.Copy !req
367. - Careful on the road, Charlie.
- OK, Colonel.Copy !req
368. - Hang on, ma'am.
- Yeah.Copy !req
369. This vacation is just what Charlie needs.Copy !req
370. I bet he's a new man when he gets back.Copy !req
371. If we let him back.Copy !req
372. What do you mean?Copy !req
373. Well, I mean that
he's become a pretty big liability.Copy !req
374. We may have to let him go.Copy !req
375. Let him go? But, Captain,
police work is Charlie's whole li...Copy !req
376. I know, I know, damn it.Copy !req
377. I know.Copy !req
378. It's a great time of year to ride,
as long as you don't mind one or two bugs.Copy !req
379. Boy, you can't beat the open road!Copy !req
380. Oh, no.Copy !req
381. Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
382. Jeez.Copy !req
383. Those damn truckers.Copy !req
384. You know, you think
they'd call someone to come clean this up.Copy !req
385. Oh, poor thing. Oh, that's terrible.Copy !req
386. - Whew. Whoa!
- Ugh!Copy !req
387. By the looks of her,
she's been here for a while.Copy !req
388. Well, I doubt we're gonna be able
to move her, but we should try.Copy !req
389. You wanna get that end? Give it a push?Copy !req
390. - Really?
- Yeah. Yeah, we should give it a shot.Copy !req
391. - OK?
- OK.Copy !req
392. Go ahead. Just push as hard as you can.Copy !req
393. Yeah, OK.Copy !req
394. - Oh! Ohh!
- Jesus! Holy...Copy !req
395. - OK...
- Ooh, it's still alive!Copy !req
396. - Just stand back. I'll take care of it.
- Oh, God! That's terrible.Copy !req
397. Oh. Now, don't look, OK?Copy !req
398. Yeah.Copy !req
399. Well, old girl.Copy !req
400. Your suffering's over.Copy !req
401. Oh, it ain't always easy
doing Mother Nature's work.Copy !req
402. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
403. Oh.Copy !req
404. Oh. Do you believe that?Copy !req
405. No, it's... ugh.Copy !req
406. Oh, my God in heaven!Copy !req
407. God! What the hell is wrong with you?Copy !req
408. Die!Copy !req
409. Let go! Let go, girl!Copy !req
410. On to greener pastures, come on.
They're clear-cutting a place in heaven for ya.Copy !req
411. Come on! Help me out!Copy !req
412. - But...
- Do something!Copy !req
413. - I don't... oh...
- Let go!Copy !req
414. Let 'er go! Go!Copy !req
415. Oh!Copy !req
416. Well...Copy !req
417. that was tough, but...Copy !req
418. I think we did the right thing.Copy !req
419. Patrol car, yes. OK, thank you.Copy !req
420. - Can I help you?
- Baileygates, Rhode Island State Police.Copy !req
421. I have your prisoner, Miss Irene Waters, here.Copy !req
422. - All right. I'll tell them you're here.
- Okay-dee, ray-dee.Copy !req
423. - What are those for?
- Hm?Copy !req
424. Oh, it's just this... stupid thing.Copy !req
425. I have to take a pill every six hours
or I feel... funny. No big deal.Copy !req
426. What's it called?Copy !req
427. Advance delusionary schizophrenia
with involuntary narcissistic rage.Copy !req
428. Ah.Copy !req
429. Does your ass feel numb?Copy !req
430. No, but...Copy !req
431. they give me unbelievable cottonmouth.Copy !req
432. - I meant from the ride.
- Oh. No, no.Copy !req
433. Over the years my ass has taken a pounding.Copy !req
434. Miss Waters, my name's Peterson.
This is my partner, Agent Boshane.Copy !req
435. We're with the Environmental
Protection Agency's Special Investigations.Copy !req
436. - The EPA?
- Yeah.Copy !req
437. What'd I hit? A baldheaded eagle?Copy !req
438. We'll explain that to you, ma'am, but right
now we're gonna ask you to come with us.Copy !req
439. Well, why don't you just
explain it to me now?Copy !req
440. We put your hit-and-run report
out on the wire in order to track you down.Copy !req
441. Track me down for what?Copy !req
442. Agent Boshane?Copy !req
443. I want to remind you again,
our station's at your disposal.Copy !req
444. You're welcome to use
our interrogation rooms.Copy !req
445. We appreciate it, Lieutenant Gerke,
but we're all set.Copy !req
446. Right. Well, if there's anything at all I...Copy !req
447. Uh, excuse me.Copy !req
448. I'm just gonna...Copy !req
449. get myself a drink of water.Copy !req
450. Ah! So, if I could just get someone
to sign this, I'll be on my way.Copy !req
451. Yeah.Copy !req
452. Well, Miss Waters, good luck.
I hope everything works out great for you.Copy !req
453. Thanks a lot, Charlie.Copy !req
454. I haven't done anything wrong
and you know it.Copy !req
455. What about the marijuana roaches you left
when you moved out of your apartment?Copy !req
456. So I smoked some pot. What is that, a crime?Copy !req
457. Uh-huh.Copy !req
458. As is being an accessory to bribery,
embezzlement, tax evasion and racketeering.Copy !req
459. - What are you talking about?
- Does the name Dickie Thurman ring a bell?Copy !req
460. His company, Cedar Creek Limited,
has been under investigation for 18 months.Copy !req
461. How does that make me an accessory?
I laid sod on Dickie's golf course. So what?Copy !req
462. Tell me this. A big operation
like the Cedar Creek Country Club.Copy !req
463. - How'd you become the head greenskeeper?
- By default.Copy !req
464. This guy, um, Tedeschi or Tedesco,
he was hired before me, but he died.Copy !req
465. Heart problem or something.Copy !req
466. The feds believed that Irene
knew more than she thought she knew...Copy !req
467. and her life was in danger.Copy !req
468. They explained that everything
had been happening under her nose -Copy !req
469. payoffs of government agencies,
threats to those who stood in the way.Copy !req
470. And her predecessor's heart attack?
Well, that was just cold-blooded murder.Copy !req
471. Oh, man!Copy !req
472. Can you excuse me?Copy !req
473. Pizza kid.Copy !req
474. - How much?
- Uh, that comes to $13.95.Copy !req
475. Ooh!Copy !req
476. Oh, son of a bitch!Copy !req
477. It was a good thing Charlie had told her...Copy !req
478. he was staying at the Chuck E Cheese
Lodge and Miniature Golf Resort.Copy !req
479. Charlie?Copy !req
480. Irene finagled the key from the front desk
and let herself in.Copy !req
481. Charlie!Copy !req
482. - Charlie, what's going on here?
- Hm?Copy !req
483. Irene?Copy !req
484. Oh! Oh, um...Copy !req
485. Irene, I was just, um...
I was gonna study your file...Copy !req
486. and, uh, try to find a loophole.Copy !req
487. Did your lips get as chapped as mine
on the ride down?Copy !req
488. Never mind. I need your help. There was
a shootout at the thing. The agents are dead!Copy !req
489. - Dead?
- Yeah. They were after me, Charlie!Copy !req
490. Oh, God. See, this is Dickie's work. I know it!Copy !req
491. So what are you gonna do?Copy !req
492. - We'll call the police.
- What? No, you can't do that!Copy !req
493. Dickie has those guys in his back pocket.
That's why I came to you.Copy !req
494. - How... Wha...
- Oh, hey! This is serious shit!Copy !req
495. You don't...Copy !req
496. - I'm outta here.
- Hey, wait! No, don't do that!Copy !req
497. Come on, hold on.
Just let me think for a second. OK?Copy !req
498. Think someplace else.
This is the first place they're gonna look.Copy !req
499. Damn it!Copy !req
500. So where are we going anyway?Copy !req
501. You'll see.Copy !req
502. Well, they went on the lam for a bit, and
then Charlie made a couple of phone calls.Copy !req
503. Irene, take it easy now.Copy !req
504. - Charlie!
- Don't worry. I'll take care of it.Copy !req
505. Hey.Copy !req
506. - Good work, Baileygates.
- Thanks.Copy !req
507. - Sorry I had to meet you all the way out here.
- That's OK.Copy !req
508. It's just as well. Poor gal's paranoid.Copy !req
509. My kids are like that. They have this idea
that the cops are the bad guys... Ooh!Copy !req
510. Listen, I don't know what's going on
and I didn't tell the feds anything...Copy !req
511. Dickie told me you were street-smart. Huh?Copy !req
512. Why the hell would you run to this idiot?Copy !req
513. Drop the gun, moron.Copy !req
514. You're being video-taped.Copy !req
515. - What're you talking about?
- There's a camera on my bike.Copy !req
516. Hard to hit a moving target, isn't it?Copy !req
517. Ooh! Ow!Copy !req
518. Score. Good move.Copy !req
519. Get in the car.Copy !req
520. Come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on:Copy !req
521. D'you mind telling me
what you were thinking?Copy !req
522. Calling that cop was unbelievably stupid!Copy !req
523. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
524. Tweak the high end
on your emotional EQ, sweetbeak.Copy !req
525. The funky chicken was Charlie's dance.Copy !req
526. I'm a tango man myself.Copy !req
527. Grr!Copy !req
528. As you can imagine,
there was some explaining to do.Copy !req
529. So Hank, as he called himself...Copy !req
530. found a quiet spot
and spelled out the whole darn mess.Copy !req
531. OK, so what you're saying
is that you're not Charlie.Copy !req
532. You've seen Charlie in action.
He's like origami: folds under pressure.Copy !req
533. When the big game's on the line,
he's busy riding the pine.Copy !req
534. OK, wait, wait. Can you just...?Copy !req
535. It's simple.Copy !req
536. Charlie's the mouse that got you into
the maze. I'm the rat who can find the cheese.Copy !req
537. The name's Hank. Hank Evans...Copy !req
538. So it's true. Charlie is a schizo.Copy !req
539. I wouldn't know. I stay out of his business,
he stays out of mine.Copy !req
540. Look.Copy !req
541. Just because I rock
doesn't mean I'm made of stone.Copy !req
542. I feel your fear. It's coming through
like static on my heart radio.Copy !req
543. Hank? Hank.Copy !req
544. I really, really appreciate your help...Copy !req
545. but is there any way that maybe we could
get... Charlie back out here for a little huddle?Copy !req
546. No problem. While you're at it, why not climb
that pole and take a piss on the power lines?Copy !req
547. Look, I'm not here to twist your niblets.Copy !req
548. I'm here to save your life, but if I'm gonna
do that, I'll need total uninononynymity.Copy !req
549. OK.Copy !req
550. Sound good, candypants?Copy !req
551. Hank, don't call me that.Copy !req
552. How the hell can they call Pluto a planet?Copy !req
553. What motherfuckin' planet has an
elliptical orbit? This shit don't make sense.Copy !req
554. Motherfucker! That motherfucker Vince
Foster was murdered. I told you that shit!Copy !req
555. Hey, man, quit hackin' into
them goddamn Pentagon files.Copy !req
556. Ain't no nevermind who them crooked
politicians be killin'. You need to study.Copy !req
557. - What did Daddy tell you about snoopin'?
- Shit, yeah.Copy !req
558. If you keep fuckin' around,
you'll lose your Yale scholarship.Copy !req
559. Be stuck up there at Stanford with
them goddamn motherfuckers.Copy !req
560. Motherfucker, you be lucky to get
accepted to Duke, gettin' a 1430 on yo' SAT.Copy !req
561. - Motherfucker, you know I had the flu.
- Flu, my ass!Copy !req
562. You had a motherfuckin' aneurysm
to get a 1430.Copy !req
563. Hey, you talkin' some shit now.Copy !req
564. That's probably one of them
lvy League sons of bitches now.Copy !req
565. Show me yo' ass head up
and get the door, man.Copy !req
566. Hey, Captain.Copy !req
567. - Fellas.
- What the fuck is goin' on, man?Copy !req
568. - This is Agent Annicelli.
- Gentlemen.Copy !req
569. - What's happenin'?
- We've got a problem.Copy !req
570. Pack your bags.Copy !req
571. - We're locked and loaded.
- Great.Copy !req
572. Got enough stuff to hold us over for 72 hours.Copy !req
573. Well, fuck my ozone.Copy !req
574. Hey, ringworm.Copy !req
575. Yeah, I'm talkin' to you,
you toxic waste of life.Copy !req
576. You gonna pick up that butt?Copy !req
577. Or do I have to glue it to my shoe
and stick it in your pimply a-hole?Copy !req
578. Hey, man. Take it easy. It's just a cigarette.Copy !req
579. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
580. Well, this is just a fist, but when I throw it
around, it can leave one hell of a mess.Copy !req
581. Let's dance.Copy !req
582. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
583. - Let's kick the shit out of this crazy asshole!
- Wait! Wait! Wait, he's a schizo!Copy !req
584. What the hell's wrong with him?Copy !req
585. What happened anyway?Copy !req
586. Yeah, Charlie was taking a few lumps
on account of Hank's behaviour.Copy !req
587. But, save for a little blood in the urine,
he was no worse for the wear.Copy !req
588. I'm sorry you had to meet Hank, Miss Waters.Copy !req
589. I thought I was bad.Copy !req
590. That guy has some serious problems.Copy !req
591. He did save our lives.Copy !req
592. - Anyway, Hank had a good idea. He thinks...
- You're gonna listen to Hank?Copy !req
593. Come on, look what he did to me!
What are you thinking? He's out of control.Copy !req
594. You know what we should do? Find another
department and tell them the whole story.Copy !req
595. Not smart, Charlie.
We don't know how far Dickie's reach goes.Copy !req
596. Then you know what?Copy !req
597. I think it's time to call the best damn
law enforcement agency in the country.Copy !req
598. The Rhode Island State Troopers!Copy !req
599. Do you really think that the feds don't have
some guy up there right now bugging calls?Copy !req
600. They'd be on us in ten minutes. And
they almost got me killed in the first place.Copy !req
601. OK.Copy !req
602. What was the genius's big plan?Copy !req
603. He thinks that we should find a cabin
and hide out for a while.Copy !req
604. Oh, yeah? What about water and food and...Copy !req
605. He already got supplies. They're in the trunk.Copy !req
606. - These are the supplies?
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
607. Well, he had a plan, all right.Copy !req
608. That's it? That's all he got?Copy !req
609. Oh, no. There's more.Copy !req
610. A rope...Copy !req
611. shovel...Copy !req
612. bag of lime and some lawn darts.Copy !req
613. This is Christine DiCarlo
live from Clinton County, New York...Copy !req
614. where the manhunt continues for
Rhode Island State Trooper Baileygates.Copy !req
615. responsible for the death of an EPA agent
and the kidnapping of Irene Waters.Copy !req
616. Bullshit! My daddy ain't killed nobody
and he sure ain't kidnapped no bitch!Copy !req
617. Your dad's sick, mentally.
He's had a breakdown.Copy !req
618. The important thing is we find him
so nobody else gets hurt.Copy !req
619. - Nobody's gonna get hurt.
- Our daddy wouldn't hurt a motherfuckin' fly.Copy !req
620. No, he goes after bigger game. We just got
a report he put six bullets into a cow's head.Copy !req
621. Poor thing's lucky to be alive.Copy !req
622. OK, look, let's say he does have a problem -
which he don't. He's been takin' pills.Copy !req
623. - He left his pills in the hotel room.
- That's where he left his sanity.Copy !req
624. I've seen it first-hand.
The guy's nuttier than squirrel turds.Copy !req
625. - One thing I don't understand... Lieutenant.
- Mm?Copy !req
626. If my daddy's such a scary-ass motherfucker,
why'd you go by yourself?Copy !req
627. Who the fuck are you? Sergeant York
taking on the Germans yourself?Copy !req
628. Your father's a police officer.
He asked me to come alone.Copy !req
629. - How was I to know he's a nutcase?
- He ain't no fuckin' nutcase!Copy !req
630. He may have delusionary schizophrenia
with involuntary narcissistic rage...Copy !req
631. but he is a very gentle person.Copy !req
632. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the fuss? Tell me what's happenin'.Copy !req
633. Stay away from me, Hank! I know what you
had planned. I saw your so-called supplies.Copy !req
634. Oh.Copy !req
635. That.Copy !req
636. I wasn't gonna just ram it home... though.Copy !req
637. I was gonna... lube it up...Copy !req
638. and ease it in there inch by inch...
like a gentleman.Copy !req
639. I was talking about the shovel and the lime.Copy !req
640. Shovel and lime?Copy !req
641. Thank you.
I haven't laughed like that in a long time.Copy !req
642. What's so funny?Copy !req
643. - We're driving a hot carriage.
- So?Copy !req
644. That stuff belongs to the bad cop.Copy !req
645. You think he was gonna take
our dead bodies down to the station?Copy !req
646. Oh.Copy !req
647. Irene decided they should go back
to Rhode Island, but Hank had an idea first.Copy !req
648. Are you sure about this?Copy !req
649. You kidding? Every oinker east of the
Mississippi will be looking for this sled.Copy !req
650. Safer to go mass transit.Copy !req
651. Ready? On nine.Copy !req
652. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.Copy !req
653. Well, they won't be tracking us in that car.Copy !req
654. - Thanks for the kudos.
- Sure.Copy !req
655. - Glad we're finally on the same page.
- Me, too.Copy !req
656. Whoa!Copy !req
657. - You OK?
- Yes...Copy !req
658. I'm fine.Copy !req
659. Thought you were going over the edge.Copy !req
660. Thank you.Copy !req
661. You know, I think you're a very special unit.Copy !req
662. That's sweet.Copy !req
663. I hope we can get to know each other better.Copy !req
664. Yeah. Me too.Copy !req
665. Do you swallow?Copy !req
666. I get it. We'll go slow.Copy !req
667. - Hey!
- Yes?Copy !req
668. You didn't happen
to pick up a wallet on the dash, did you?Copy !req
669. You're kidding, right?Copy !req
670. So what's your tale? Where you from?Copy !req
671. Oh, all over.Copy !req
672. Omnipresence. I like that in a woman.Copy !req
673. I'm originally from Texas.
Middle-class neighbourhood.Copy !req
674. But after school I moved to New York cos...Copy !req
675. Let me guess. Everybody said you were easy
on the eyes, so you tried to become a model.Copy !req
676. But in the Big Apple, they treated you
like the worm, so you became an actress.Copy !req
677. - Uh, no.
- Sh!Copy !req
678. But you can't get far without talent...Copy !req
679. and the only bright lights you saw
were the ones inside the fridge.Copy !req
680. So you got a boob job and went
looking for a rich man with a bum ticker...Copy !req
681. and waved a white flag
in the face of your own self-loathing.Copy !req
682. - How's my aim?
- I never went to New York City.Copy !req
683. I went to Cornell, then I got my master's
in Turf Management at U-Mass.Copy !req
684. Then I became a golf-course superintendent.Copy !req
685. - And these are all mine.
- I notice you left out your eating disorder.Copy !req
686. - I don't have an eating disorder.
- Whatever, slim.Copy !req
687. - Whoa!
- Hands off, Hank.Copy !req
688. Hey!Copy !req
689. Mom!Copy !req
690. That's real nice, Hank.
Way to keep a low profile.Copy !req
691. It's survival at this point.Copy !req
692. Hey, I know how to score some dough.Copy !req
693. - Punch me.
- What?Copy !req
694. - Punch me in the face.
- Why?Copy !req
695. I'll tell the big cheese
I got rolled in the parking lot.Copy !req
696. He'll hush me with some Benjamins.
They don't need that kind of ink.Copy !req
697. Come on, rip my head off.Copy !req
698. - That's really lame, Hank.
- You have a better idea? Come on!Copy !req
699. - It's not gonna work.
- Yes, it is, but you gotta rock me.Copy !req
700. Don't give me a girly
"I don't want to break a fingernail" tap.Copy !req
701. This guy's gotta look at my face
and just... Argh!Copy !req
702. Well, the kick in the chops
didn't work out as planned.Copy !req
703. It just left Charlie a little more roughed up.Copy !req
704. How's the nose feeling?Copy !req
705. Listen to it.Copy !req
706. - I'm really sorry, Charlie.
- I'll get over it.Copy !req
707. I mean, you should be furious.
I just drop-kicked you right in the face.Copy !req
708. Hey, it happens.Copy !req
709. You got a great way of looking at life, Charlie.
You know that? That's a gift.Copy !req
710. Yeah, I don't know if my shrinks would agree.
They think that's my problem.Copy !req
711. What?Copy !req
712. Ah, that I purposely distort my perceptions
to make my reality more palatable.Copy !req
713. Like you only hear what you wanna hear?Copy !req
714. Thanks. I like to keep it short,
especially in the summer.Copy !req
715. How come I couldn't have ended up with
an easy-going guy like you, Charlie? Huh?Copy !req
716. Sometimes I think there's something about
my look that just attracts assholes.Copy !req
717. That's crazy.
You're a very special girl, Irene. Look at you.Copy !req
718. You're just so down-to-earth.Copy !req
719. I mean, look at your hair.
It's like you don't give a damn.Copy !req
720. And you let your skin hang out, blemishes
an' all. You're not afraid of your flaws.Copy !req
721. Your face is all pursed up
like you just sucked on a lemon...Copy !req
722. but you pull it off!Copy !req
723. You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?Copy !req
724. - Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
725. Come on!Copy !req
726. - I don't know if I can!
- Yes, you can!Copy !req
727. Humans only use 10% of their potential!Copy !req
728. You gotta reach down
for that little extra something!Copy !req
729. There you go!Copy !req
730. Now you're gettin' it!Copy !req
731. I believe in you!Copy !req
732. Don't you give up on me now!Copy !req
733. Easier than I thought! Come on!Copy !req
734. Go, Charlie. Go! You can do it!Copy !req
735. Come on, Charlie!Copy !req
736. Use more of your potential!Copy !req
737. Come on, Charlie! Go!Copy !req
738. Jump off!Copy !req
739. - What?
- Jump off!Copy !req
740. What?Copy !req
741. Jump off the train!Copy !req
742. Oh...Copy !req
743. Argh!Copy !req
744. - Ow.
- Irene?Copy !req
745. Come on. Stop fooling around.Copy !req
746. I started thinking about it. Bad idea.Copy !req
747. Trains are the first place they'll look.Copy !req
748. Oh, come on.Copy !req
749. We checked all the gas and food stops
along the interstate. No sign of 'em.Copy !req
750. Interstate! Is your old lady happy?Copy !req
751. My old lady?Copy !req
752. Cos if your fuckin' is like your police work,
you couldn't hit the G spot on a 12lb pussy.Copy !req
753. Watch yourself.Copy !req
754. - What are you gettin' at?
- Look, Daddy ain't gonna take no road...Copy !req
755. where y'all blind-ass cops is lookin'.Copy !req
756. And, motherfucker, he don't eat fast food.Copy !req
757. OK, I have three dollars.
How much do you have?Copy !req
758. - Um, six bucks.
- Let me just go up and order, so we can go.Copy !req
759. OK. I'll have a chicken breast sandwich.
No skin, dry toast.Copy !req
760. What are you starin' at, fucker?Copy !req
761. Wanna start me up? Just pull the cord, pal.Copy !req
762. I'm due for a seismic event.
You're dancin' on the fault line.Copy !req
763. - Hey, what is your problem, pal?
- I got no beef with you. Just the kid.Copy !req
764. - Hey, stop it!
- He started it.Copy !req
765. I'm so sorry. I apologise.
He suffers from this thing.Copy !req
766. I'm standing right here, four-eyes.Copy !req
767. Oh, poor baby. Has to let his daddy
fight his battles for him, huh?Copy !req
768. He's an ass.Copy !req
769. Pussy.Copy !req
770. How's it hangin', fellas?Copy !req
771. Hank, I presume.Copy !req
772. D'you miss me?Copy !req
773. Why don't you get Charlie back?
Things were finally becoming civilised.Copy !req
774. Unless you put your ear to the ground,
you'll never hear the buffalo.Copy !req
775. I don't know what that means, OK?Copy !req
776. It means either he makes up a battle plan,
or Hank'll take over Fort Charlie for good.Copy !req
777. Did you just refer to yourself
in the fourth person?Copy !req
778. Holy Jesus in heaven! It's a giant Q-Tip.Copy !req
779. Hank!Copy !req
780. What? I'm jokin'.
Bringin' a little sunshine into his life.Copy !req
781. Careful, you'll peel.Copy !req
782. - Uh, do you need to see a menu?
- No, thank you. We've ordered.Copy !req
783. - That's it.
- Hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
784. - Hold on, cheese tits. Did I miss something?
- Don't give me that shit!Copy !req
785. What you just did to that kid was terrible.Copy !req
786. Didn't you see the look on his face?Copy !req
787. Looked a little pale, that's all.Copy !req
788. He was hurt... and offended.Copy !req
789. Well, I disagree, but why speculate?Copy !req
790. - Hey, Milky! Vámonos!
- Hey, no! No, no, no! Hey, no!Copy !req
791. Come on, Br'er Rabbit.
Hop down the bunny trail. Epa, epa, ándale.Copy !req
792. Listen, uh... were you offended in any way
by our social interaction here?Copy !req
793. Y-yeah, actually I was.Copy !req
794. What was it? The Q-Tip thing?Copy !req
795. Actually I was pretty much offended
by everything you said, sir.Copy !req
796. Oh.Copy !req
797. Sorry.Copy !req
798. I'm truly sorry.Copy !req
799. You OK?Copy !req
800. You don't know what it was like.Copy !req
801. Spending all those years
trapped behind a wall of politeness.Copy !req
802. Bound and gagged...Copy !req
803. in a dark and silent world
where nothing grows but the anger.Copy !req
804. All because some demon he married laced up
her boots and did a Nancy Sinatra on him.Copy !req
805. Charlie had a wife?Copy !req
806. And then some.Copy !req
807. I was a big piece
of the personality pie back then.Copy !req
808. But when she left him, Charlie went numb...Copy !req
809. and I went AWOL.Copy !req
810. Well...Copy !req
811. if you were
such a big part of the personality...Copy !req
812. then she left you too.Copy !req
813. It's true.Copy !req
814. She left us.Copy !req
815. I... loved her.Copy !req
816. Oh.Copy !req
817. Why'd she do this?Copy !req
818. I'm not a bad person.Copy !req
819. I'm not a bad person.Copy !req
820. No, no, you're not a bad guy.Copy !req
821. No, you're not.Copy !req
822. D'you hear me? Huh?Copy !req
823. You're a good person.Copy !req
824. You really think so?Copy !req
825. Yeah, I'm starting to.Copy !req
826. - You know what I'm gonna do?
- Hm?Copy !req
827. I'm gonna make it up to Charlie.Copy !req
828. And I'm gonna make it up
to that sweet little circus geek in there.Copy !req
829. Um...Copy !req
830. Um, Hank?Copy !req
831. Hank!Copy !req
832. Agent Boshane! They were spotted leaving
a health-food restaurant 100 miles from here.Copy !req
833. - 15 minutes, tops.
- Got it. Got it.Copy !req
834. They got 150 cordoned off?Copy !req
835. Let's fly!Copy !req
836. Can you please tell him to stop this?Copy !req
837. Charlie, is that you?Copy !req
838. Hey, my nose.Copy !req
839. My nose is fixed.Copy !req
840. - Isn't that great?
- How'd that happen?Copy !req
841. Well, um... Hank wanted
to do something nice for you...Copy !req
842. so he insisted that we...Copy !req
843. go to a plastic surgeon.Copy !req
844. - Wha-what? Did you say plastic surgeon?
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
845. Oh, my God. Wha-wha... Ow! What is this?Copy !req
846. What is this? What d'you... Uh, what is this?Copy !req
847. Hank thought that you kinda...
had a weak chin, so...Copy !req
848. What?Copy !req
849. I like my chin. I mean, I-I-I...Copy !req
850. I like my chin.Copy !req
851. It's my chin! It's my chin! Mine!Copy !req
852. How'd you pay for it?Copy !req
853. - I loaned him the money.
- Agh!Copy !req
854. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
855. It's me.Copy !req
856. Uh, Milky.Copy !req
857. Who the hell is Milky
and what is he doing here?Copy !req
858. Uh...Copy !req
859. Irene has a lot of people who would like
to see her in an unmarked grave.Copy !req
860. I don't think it's safe
for you to hang around with us.Copy !req
861. Why not?
You, Irene and Hank are my only friends.Copy !req
862. What about your family?
Won't they miss you?Copy !req
863. My family's all...Copy !req
864. They're gone.Copy !req
865. Oh, jeez.Copy !req
866. Well, we can't call you Milky any more.
What's your real name?Copy !req
867. Casper. But my friends call me Whitey.Copy !req
868. Uh, OK.Copy !req
869. - Here you go. I got your car all filled up.
- Thank you, Joseph.Copy !req
870. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
871. Get your cock out of my Chrysler,
you son of a bitch!Copy !req
872. You son of a...!
I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna get you!Copy !req
873. What's that on your shirt? Whoa!Copy !req
874. I'm sorry.Copy !req
875. Oh, that was good.Copy !req
876. Charlie, what the hell is that?Copy !req
877. - Oh, yeah, I'm gonna fall for that.
- No, Ch-Charlie.Copy !req
878. Mm-mm, not me. Mm-mm.Copy !req
879. Nice try though.Copy !req
880. How dumb do I look?Copy !req
881. Hey, they only had two rooms: 19 and 20.Copy !req
882. So you guys will have to bunk up.Copy !req
883. So, Whitey, um...Copy !req
884. what happened to your family?Copy !req
885. I killed them.Copy !req
886. Uh, uh, uh... come again?Copy !req
887. When I was 15, I hacked them up
with a hammer while they were sleeping.Copy !req
888. Ma, Dad, my bro and my sis.Copy !req
889. She was awake, my sis.Copy !req
890. Which I regret.Copy !req
891. Yeah, well...Copy !req
892. We all, uh... have family stuff.Copy !req
893. That's what makes the holidays so hard.Copy !req
894. I just got released last month
on my 21st birthday.Copy !req
895. To tell you the truth, I really wasn't ready
to leave, but they said I had to.Copy !req
896. That's a fucked-up law, huh?Copy !req
897. Well, I guess they...
need the extra room for the real...Copy !req
898. psychos.Copy !req
899. I'm gonna go and try
to make out with whatsherface.Copy !req
900. - Go for it.
- All right!Copy !req
901. - What?
- Yeah.Copy !req
902. He just told me that he brutally murdered
his entire family in their sleep!Copy !req
903. - Oh, my God!
- He was ajuvenile. They just let him out.Copy !req
904. So I was, um... gonna ask if I could...Copy !req
905. stay here.Copy !req
906. But I can sleep in the car.Copy !req
907. That's me and my whippersnappers.
I'm Dorothy.Copy !req
908. Look at you!Copy !req
909. When did you take this?
At, uh, at Halloween?Copy !req
910. No. Just messing around the house.Copy !req
911. You seem like a really good dad, Charlie.Copy !req
912. I try to be.Copy !req
913. They're incredible kids. Oh, God.Copy !req
914. So happy and funny.
They never give me any grief.Copy !req
915. - They're the top three students out of 211.
- Golly!Copy !req
916. - I don't know where they get it from.
- That's just good genes.Copy !req
917. You know, I don't think I... No, I don't think
I carry even one picture any more.Copy !req
918. - Why not?
- I don't know. I don't know.Copy !req
919. I used to when I was younger.
Pictures of friends and stuff like that.Copy !req
920. I guess they just got old and fell apart.Copy !req
921. Kind of like the friendships.Copy !req
922. That's too bad.Copy !req
923. - Tell you what. Why not keep that one?
- No, Charlie. That's yours.Copy !req
924. Are you kidding? I have tons of them
at home. No, I got a bunch. Come on.Copy !req
925. - You do?
- Yeah.Copy !req
926. OK.Copy !req
927. Thanks.Copy !req
928. Thanks.Copy !req
929. I'm dry.Copy !req
930. You know, I'm gonna, uh... go get a soda.Copy !req
931. - Y-you want a soda?
- Sure. OK. OK.Copy !req
932. I caught that, bozo.
Not once but twice it burned ya.Copy !req
933. Give it another kick.Copy !req
934. - I think I just had an epiphany!
- What?Copy !req
935. That I might be able to control
this problem of mine.Copy !req
936. Oh, how'd you learn that?Copy !req
937. Well, first the Coke machine robbed me.
And I'm fine with that.Copy !req
938. But then some guy came up
and laughed in my face.Copy !req
939. - Oh, no.
- No, no, but that's just it!Copy !req
940. See? Just when I was starting to feel
those old familiar feelings...Copy !req
941. I just took a deep breath, counted
backwards from ten and I said to the guy...Copy !req
942. "Excuse me, sir, but your laughter
is not helping me right now."Copy !req
943. And he said "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make
fun." That was it! I helped him with his bags.Copy !req
944. - Really?
- Yes.Copy !req
945. Well, that's great!Copy !req
946. - And you got the Cokes.
- Hey!Copy !req
947. Just a little rap on the side
of the machine and presto!Copy !req
948. Maybe that's it though, you know?Copy !req
949. - Look what I found in my bag.
- Oh, no! Oh, boy.Copy !req
950. What do you think? Do you?Copy !req
951. Under the right circumstances,
sure, I could tip a few. OK.Copy !req
952. - And these are the right circumstances.
- OK!Copy !req
953. There you go.Copy !req
954. Oh! Oh, well.Copy !req
955. Whoa, that must be mine!Copy !req
956. Oh!Copy !req
957. Ooh!Copy !req
958. Ow.Copy !req
959. Whoa, Jesus! Oh, God.Copy !req
960. Oh... my... God!Copy !req
961. Agh!Copy !req
962. Irene?Copy !req
963. Hm?Copy !req
964. Why am I peeing
like I was up all night having sex?Copy !req
965. Well, seems old Hank had pulled a fast one.Copy !req
966. And if that wasn't bad enough, there was
more trouble right around the corner.Copy !req
967. I want everybody to stay put
and wait for my order.Copy !req
968. - You mean you couldn't tell the difference?
- Are you serious?Copy !req
969. - Who the hell could?
- A sober person... for one.Copy !req
970. So we had some drinks.Copy !req
971. Well, look who joined the party.Copy !req
972. Did you have fun?
"Ooh, yes, I did! Ooh, yes I did!"Copy !req
973. So old Hanky-Panky
wasn't enough for you, huh?Copy !req
974. It wasn't for me.Copy !req
975. - Are you sure this is the woman?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
976. When my boyfriend Scooter brought in
the paper, I recognised her right away.Copy !req
977. Thanks a lot. Scooter.Copy !req
978. - Here they come.
- Look, Starsky and Hutch, this is the plan.Copy !req
979. Let us talk to our dad
so this ain't gotta be no big thing.Copy !req
980. Thanks, but this is the end of the line for you.
Officer Stubie'll drive you to the chopper.Copy !req
981. Oh, what? You brung us all the way down
for us to leave now?Copy !req
982. - That don't make no motherfuckin' sense!
- You've done all you can do.Copy !req
983. This is a police matter from now on.Copy !req
984. Wait. It may be a police matter, but the police
don't matter shit when it's my daddy in there!Copy !req
985. I said you're gettin' the hell outta here.
That's the end of it.Copy !req
986. Guys, look, I'm sorry.
I hate to admit it, but this time he's right.Copy !req
987. - You can't be here. It's a liability.
- He's the fuckin' liability!Copy !req
988. Don't worry. This is my investigation.
I promise there will be no bloodshed.Copy !req
989. I promise!Copy !req
990. Come on, guys. Let's go.Copy !req
991. I told y'all.Copy !req
992. You OK, Charlie?Copy !req
993. Uh... yeah. I'm just, uh...Copy !req
994. freshening up!Copy !req
995. How do you wanna handle it?Copy !req
996. I say we storm the place and start shooting.Copy !req
997. - What if he's unarmed?
- Plant a gun on him afterwards.Copy !req
998. Well, don't fuck it up this time.Copy !req
999. Agent Boshane!Copy !req
1000. It's Stubie. He's got Baileygates and the girl.Copy !req
1001. What?Copy !req
1002. This is Boshane. What's going on?Copy !req
1003. I caught 'em out on 134 in a stolen vehicle.
Baileygates and the girl.Copy !req
1004. Officer Stubie,
I don't want you to attempt to move them.Copy !req
1005. - Don't move them! We'll be right there.
- Get in your cars. Come on!Copy !req
1006. We sure is sorry, Officer,
but our daddy told us to trust our instinct...Copy !req
1007. and our instinct says
somethin' don't smell right. Let's roll.Copy !req
1008. You guys are making a big mistake!Copy !req
1009. Cos I promise you, when I find your old man,
I'm personally gonna fuck him up!Copy !req
1010. Why'd you go an' say
somethin' like that for, huh?Copy !req
1011. Lee Harvey.Copy !req
1012. - What's the diameter of a chicken egg?
- 4.08cm.Copy !req
1013. - No, what's that in inches?
- 1.61. What the fuck you gettin' at?Copy !req
1014. I got ten bucks say
I can squeeze a chicken egg up his ass.Copy !req
1015. You can't put no chicken egg up his ass.
He's a tightass!Copy !req
1016. - No, it can be done.
- Yo, I'll take that bet.Copy !req
1017. - Right on.
- Pull yo' ass out!Copy !req
1018. I'll tell you one thing. If I didn't have bad luck,
I'd have no luck at all.Copy !req
1019. - What are we gonna do about Whitey?
- Take a guess. We're going on without him.Copy !req
1020. Moody.Copy !req
1021. Well, I didn't have the fun you had last night.
Just the hangover and the swollen prostate.Copy !req
1022. - D'you have any cash left?
- Yes. $60, but it's Whitey's.Copy !req
1023. Yeah, well, bad things happen to people
who kill their family with a hammer.Copy !req
1024. - I'm payin' under protest.
- It was close enough.Copy !req
1025. Yeah, whatever.Copy !req
1026. Shit.Copy !req
1027. Give me the scanner,
so we can find out what the fuck's goin' on!Copy !req
1028. Anybody know how to fly this thing?Copy !req
1029. Motherfucker,
it's just lift versus drag and rotation!Copy !req
1030. - Yeah, get your head out your ass!
- It ain't that. This manual's in German.Copy !req
1031. - Motherfucker, you speak German!
- I can speak it. I didn't say I could read it!Copy !req
1032. You's a motherfuckin' disgrace!Copy !req
1033. - Then get this motherfucker off the ground!
- All right, all right, all right! Oh, shit!Copy !req
1034. Oh!Copy !req
1035. Ohhhh, Jesus!Copy !req
1036. Would somebody get this goddamn chicken
out of my ass, please? Oh!Copy !req
1037. Everybody, stay back. We'll do this
alone. I'll take 19, you take 20. Stay back!Copy !req
1038. Goddamn it!Copy !req
1039. Sons of bitches, I'll show 'em.
Sons of bitches.Copy !req
1040. - I need a gun and lots of ammo.
- Whoa. Sorry.Copy !req
1041. 72-hour wait. Federal law.Copy !req
1042. - How far am I from Rhode Island?
- Uh, four or five hours.Copy !req
1043. Got a map of New England,
if you want. $1.95.Copy !req
1044. - Here's a five. Keep the change.
- Thanks.Copy !req
1045. - Hello.
- Finneran, it's Charlie.Copy !req
1046. Charlie, you are in deep shit.
Where the hell are you?Copy !req
1047. Listen, you gotta get a message
to the colonel.Copy !req
1048. But no one outside the department
can know about this, OK? Cos this is deep.Copy !req
1049. 4.30, South County train station.
Bring plenty of backup. You got it.Copy !req
1050. Don't worry. Nobody outside the department
will hear about this. Watch yourself, buddy.Copy !req
1051. 4.30, huh?Copy !req
1052. Thanks for notifying us, Officer.
No, you've been a really big help.Copy !req
1053. - You stay close.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
1054. - Excuse me.
- Huh?Copy !req
1055. - Where's Dickie?
- He's waiting for us in Boston.Copy !req
1056. Well, I think it's time
our rich boy got his hands dirty.Copy !req
1057. Tell me.Copy !req
1058. How was, uh...Copy !req
1059. Mr Wonderful?Copy !req
1060. This is getting really ridiculous, Charlie,
so just let it go.Copy !req
1061. I just... I turn my back for one minute
and you stick it up my ass! Literally!Copy !req
1062. For your information,
you stuck it in your own ass!Copy !req
1063. Oh, don't turn this around on me, OK? You're
the one who can't keep your legs closed.Copy !req
1064. - Why are you doing this?
- Because I I... ike you.Copy !req
1065. What?Copy !req
1066. I like you.Copy !req
1067. I like you.Copy !req
1068. Well, you shouldn't, Charlie.Copy !req
1069. I'm just a ditz.Copy !req
1070. A ditz? What are you talking about?
You're 27 years old.Copy !req
1071. You're the superintendent
of a major golf resort.Copy !req
1072. Um, yeah, well, I kind of fudged my résumé
a little bit to get that job.Copy !req
1073. Oh?Copy !req
1074. Look, I don't know the first thing about
running a golf course, Charlie. I'm a model.Copy !req
1075. - Huh?
- I moved to New York...Copy !req
1076. but none of it worked out,
so then I tried to be an actress and...Copy !req
1077. I got this eating disorder
where I gained, like, 20lb.Copy !req
1078. - That's not that bad.
- In a week.Copy !req
1079. Oh.Copy !req
1080. So I kind of lost my self-respect.Copy !req
1081. Before you know it,
I had 70-year-old guys trying to support me...Copy !req
1082. and I really didn't like who I was becoming.Copy !req
1083. God, I have made so many mistakes.Copy !req
1084. Irene...Copy !req
1085. you didn't know
what Dickie was up to. Did you?Copy !req
1086. I may be a ditz, but I'm not a crook.Copy !req
1087. My ass is really sore.Copy !req
1088. Wow!Copy !req
1089. I never get tired of hearing that.Copy !req
1090. Hey.Copy !req
1091. Oh, I'm lookin' for my friends.
A pretty blonde and a guy with a buzz cut.Copy !req
1092. - Cabin E.
- Thanks a lot.Copy !req
1093. Sh! Don't make a sound.Copy !req
1094. I don't know anything,
and that's what I told the police.Copy !req
1095. Shut up, Irene! You just listen to me.
Maybe we can work something out.Copy !req
1096. Time to face the music, Mozart.
And one, and two, and...Copy !req
1097. Agh!Copy !req
1098. Ooh!Copy !req
1099. Whaaaa!Copy !req
1100. Warden, I want my own cell.Copy !req
1101. Oh, great. You again.Copy !req
1102. - What tree did this sap ooze out of?
- It's Dickie! He got me into all this crap!Copy !req
1103. - Oh, your golf buddy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1104. - I hope it's OK if I play through.
- Hank!Copy !req
1105. - OK, turn around. I'll play the back nine.
- Stop it!Copy !req
1106. Come on. He couldn't have
chewed up the greens that badly.Copy !req
1107. - Get away from me!
- Whoa!Copy !req
1108. He hasn't played the course in a long time.
It was Charlie who was putting.Copy !req
1109. - Charlie?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1110. He might not be long on the tee,
but he's got a good up-and-down game.Copy !req
1111. What's that suppo... Can we speak English?Copy !req
1112. I never wanted to sleep with you, Hank!
OK? You tricked me!Copy !req
1113. That's right, I did trick you.
It was deceitful, disgusting and despicable.Copy !req
1114. But just this once,
try to look at it from my side.Copy !req
1115. I was horny.Copy !req
1116. Oh, God!Copy !req
1117. You are such an asshole!Copy !req
1118. Come on. Don't be mad, my little pussyfart.Copy !req
1119. Argh!Copy !req
1120. I warned you about that, buddy!Copy !req
1121. Warned me about what?Copy !req
1122. - Charlie?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
1123. Providence, Rhode Island. Ten-minute stop.Copy !req
1124. Huh? Did you...Copy !req
1125. - What?
- What's going on?Copy !req
1126. - Hank was coming on to me again.
- Hank!Copy !req
1127. Damn it. I am so sick of that guy!Copy !req
1128. OK, Hank, come out here. Let's settle this
the old-fashioned way. Come on!Copy !req
1129. I may not be tough,
but damn it, I can get good and mad!Copy !req
1130. Stop it, man. You're scaring me.Copy !req
1131. - What's the matter?
- Let's go before he wakes up.Copy !req
1132. I'm not through with you, buster.
I'm not through with you!Copy !req
1133. What's up, Hank? Afraid to pick on
someone your own size?Copy !req
1134. Are you OK? What happened?Copy !req
1135. That was dirty.Copy !req
1136. All right. Come on.Copy !req
1137. Where are you? Where are you?Copy !req
1138. - Here I am.
- Huh? Ooh, you bastard.Copy !req
1139. Stop it, you're gonna kill him!Copy !req
1140. You're choking me!
You're choking me! Argh!Copy !req
1141. Ow, ow, ow, Charlie, don't break it.Copy !req
1142. - Get on your knees and beg me.
- Up yours. Aieee! You!Copy !req
1143. On your feet. We're gonna have fun.Copy !req
1144. Irene!Copy !req
1145. Irene!Copy !req
1146. Hi, ladies. My name is
Charlie Baileygates. Wanna see my weasel?Copy !req
1147. Free hot dogs here. All you can eat.
Get your foot-long and a bag of nuts.Copy !req
1148. No! Don't listen to him!
It's not me! It's Hank!Copy !req
1149. It's Hank!Copy !req
1150. Argh!Copy !req
1151. Come back here, Hank!
I'm not through with you!Copy !req
1152. Aaaagh!Copy !req
1153. - Had enough?
- Up yours.Copy !req
1154. Eugh!Copy !req
1155. Stop it, you two! Stop it!Copy !req
1156. It's Gerke! Come on!Copy !req
1157. - Hank, truce?
- For now, fucker.Copy !req
1158. Watch out! He's got a gun!Copy !req
1159. I'll follow the girl. You get Baileygates!Copy !req
1160. Police officer! Everybody down! Get down!Copy !req
1161. Ow!Copy !req
1162. Get outta the way!Copy !req
1163. Hank, we're shot!
You pussy, it's just a flesh wound.Copy !req
1164. - Look, there's keys in that car.
- No, I can't go on.Copy !req
1165. I think... Oh!Copy !req
1166. I think I'm gonna... faint.Copy !req
1167. Do you mean to say
I've gotta carry your sorry ass?Copy !req
1168. All right.Copy !req
1169. Come on, Rip Van Wussy.Copy !req
1170. Jesus, you're heavy.Copy !req
1171. Now get in there!Copy !req
1172. And we're gone.Copy !req
1173. - Shit!
- Don't worry.Copy !req
1174. Oh!Copy !req
1175. - Hank, what have you done? Oh, my God!
- Don't you just love it?Copy !req
1176. You are a sick pup.Copy !req
1177. Yeah, well, takes one to know one.Copy !req
1178. What are you doing? Hank? Hank! Oh!Copy !req
1179. Ever been bitch-slapped?Copy !req
1180. I'm gonna kill you, Hank! I swear to God!Copy !req
1181. Arrivederci, deadwood.
No!Copy !req
1182. - What are you still doin' here?
- Hank, we're in this together.Copy !req
1183. Pritchard.Copy !req
1184. Cover the other end.
I want Charlie arrested on sight.Copy !req
1185. Argh!Copy !req
1186. Hey, Irene. You just keep walking, now.Copy !req
1187. Irene!Copy !req
1188. Irene!Copy !req
1189. Baileygates, you're coming with me.Copy !req
1190. - Not now, Finneran.
- Yes, now!Copy !req
1191. - That was me.
- Yeah, big deal.Copy !req
1192. - Shut up, Hank! You're so...
- Hank!Copy !req
1193. - Hank!
- Hey! Let her go!Copy !req
1194. - She asked for me, asshole.
- Big deal!Copy !req
1195. Dickie, you know I don't know anything!Copy !req
1196. Shut up, Irene. It's too late.Copy !req
1197. Oh! Oh! Hank!Copy !req
1198. Hank!Copy !req
1199. - No way.
- Come on.Copy !req
1200. Ooh!Copy !req
1201. Oh, no. Water.Copy !req
1202. Yeah. She's screwed.
I'll buy you a beer.Copy !req
1203. No! We're doin' it!Copy !req
1204. Hank!Copy !req
1205. Hank! What are you doing? Give me the leg!Copy !req
1206. Agh! Hank, hurry!Copy !req
1207. Oh!Copy !req
1208. This is my body!Copy !req
1209. Do you understand that?Copy !req
1210. I call the shots from now on, Hank!
I don't need you to fight my battles for me!Copy !req
1211. If you can back down from something
this important, you're nothing at all!Copy !req
1212. You're nothing at all!Copy !req
1213. I got my leg back.Copy !req
1214. Oh, no. Hank!Copy !req
1215. I'm coming, Irene!Copy !req
1216. Agh!Copy !req
1217. - Hank! Oh!
- It's OK, Irene.Copy !req
1218. Hank's gone.Copy !req
1219. - It's me, Charlie.
- Charlie?Copy !req
1220. Uh, maybe you should go back and get help.Copy !req
1221. No, I can handle it.Copy !req
1222. I'm warning you, pal. You're gonna get hurt.Copy !req
1223. Be careful, Charlie!Copy !req
1224. - Just do what he says, Charlie!
- Back off! Just turn around! Now!Copy !req
1225. Take it easy, Dickie. Take it easy.Copy !req
1226. There's nowhere to go.Copy !req
1227. Come on, Dickie.Copy !req
1228. Give me the gun. Come on.Copy !req
1229. Come on. That's it.Copy !req
1230. Nice and easy.Copy !req
1231. Argh!Copy !req
1232. Argh!Copy !req
1233. Where's my thumb?Copy !req
1234. That's kidnapping and assault!Copy !req
1235. - Why stop there?
- No!Copy !req
1236. Ooh!Copy !req
1237. Oh, God! Oh!Copy !req
1238. Whitey!Copy !req
1239. Rock 'n' roll!Copy !req
1240. Irene!Copy !req
1241. Irene!Copy !req
1242. Irene!Copy !req
1243. Irene!Copy !req
1244. - Irene!
- What? What?Copy !req
1245. Oh, my God! Ow.Copy !req
1246. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
1247. Keep goin'. Bring it down. Bring it down.Copy !req
1248. We're comin', Daddy! We're comin', man!Copy !req
1249. It's my kids!Copy !req
1250. Hang on, Daddy!
Grab a hold of that motherfucker, man!Copy !req
1251. So, how's my thumb lookin', Doc?Copy !req
1252. I'll let you know when I find it.Copy !req
1253. Irene, Charlie,
this is Agent Steve Parfitt, FBI.Copy !req
1254. - Nice to see ya.
- You must be real proud of these maniacs.Copy !req
1255. Oh, I am.Copy !req
1256. Yeah, we're proud of this motherfucker too.Copy !req
1257. It's good to see you're safe, Dad.Copy !req
1258. The colonel informed them that
all the guilty parties had been apprehended.Copy !req
1259. Gerke was arraigned
at a Providence hospital...Copy !req
1260. and Agent Boshane had been arrested
at the train station in New London.Copy !req
1261. But Charlie Baileygates
had other things on his mind.Copy !req
1262. - Charlie, nicely done.
- Oh, thanks, Sea Bass.Copy !req
1263. Hey, Whitey. Listen, I wanted to tell you that
I really appreciate everything you did for me.Copy !req
1264. I owe you a huge one.Copy !req
1265. And... I'm truly sorry
that you had to kill again.Copy !req
1266. - Must be messing with your head.
- I never killed anyone before.Copy !req
1267. - What?
- You're a schizo who's wanted for murder...Copy !req
1268. and you're laying in bed next to me
gabbing like a 16-year-old girl on the phone.Copy !req
1269. You freaked me out, man.Copy !req
1270. But what about your family?
How did they die?Copy !req
1271. I never said they were dead.Copy !req
1272. I said they were gone.Copy !req
1273. They moved to Phoenix, the bastards.Copy !req
1274. Look at me.
I wouldn't last two minutes in the desert.Copy !req
1275. Hey, your bandage is wet.Copy !req
1276. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe it's time to come off.Copy !req
1277. I'm surprised it's held on this long.Copy !req
1278. Hey, that's not so bad.Copy !req
1279. - Hey, Daddy, we just wanted to say that...
- Hm?Copy !req
1280. Holy shit!Copy !req
1281. Look, Daddy got a butthole on his face.Copy !req
1282. Oh, boy. Here we go.Copy !req
1283. He sure is a Spartacus-lookin' motherfucker.Copy !req
1284. Hey, Daddy, now you can blow your nose
and wipe your ass at the same damn time!Copy !req
1285. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
1286. - So...
- So...Copy !req
1287. - How'd your meeting with the shrink go?
- Oh, wonderful.Copy !req
1288. Clean bill of health.
A well-rounded individual.Copy !req
1289. That's great, Charlie. I'm really happy for you.Copy !req
1290. Thank you.Copy !req
1291. Well, uh...Copy !req
1292. I hope if you're ever... you know...Copy !req
1293. around here, you'll, uh...Copy !req
1294. come and visit us.Copy !req
1295. Yeah.Copy !req
1296. - Little Rhodie.
- Biggest little state in the union.Copy !req
1297. Yeah.Copy !req
1298. Yeah.Copy !req
1299. - Oh, let me get that for you.
- Oh. Thanks.Copy !req
1300. Hey, Irene?Copy !req
1301. Yeah?Copy !req
1302. Maybe I could
come visit you sometime soon.Copy !req
1303. Promise?Copy !req
1304. You bet.Copy !req
1305. And that's the word of
a Rhode Island State Trooper, ma'am.Copy !req
1306. You gotta be kidding.Copy !req
1307. Hold it right there.Copy !req
1308. - Miss Waters.
- Yes?Copy !req
1309. - I'd like you to step out of the car.
- What did I not do now?Copy !req
1310. - We've reason to believe this is stolen.
- What?Copy !req
1311. No. No, no, I re... I rented this car!Copy !req
1312. Would you step out of the car, please?Copy !req
1313. Great.Copy !req
1314. Front of the car, please. Hands on the hood.Copy !req
1315. Spread your legs.Copy !req
1316. - That's great. Uh-huh.
- Thank you. Following procedure, ma'am.Copy !req
1317. Oh! Oh, you guys!Copy !req
1318. You guys are beautiful! Look,
why don't we skip the trial, get right to it?Copy !req
1319. You can lock me up
and keep me here for ever!Copy !req
1320. That's what I had planned.Copy !req
1321. Look.Copy !req
1322. - I hope her little skinny ass is reading this.
- Man, I'm pretty sure she's lookin', man.Copy !req
1323. Oh, Charlie.Copy !req
1324. It's gonna be raining wine and roses tonight.Copy !req
1325. It'll be rainin' my motherfuckin' cookies if this
motherfucker don't stop this turbulence shit!Copy !req
1326. Well, that's Charlie's story,
and I'm sticking to it.Copy !req
1327. They all moved in together
and lived as one big happy family.Copy !req
1328. Charlie and Irene, the guys,
even that nice albino fella, Whitey.Copy !req
1329. And I'm happy to report
Charlie got promoted to lieutenant...Copy !req
1330. in the greatest law enforcement agency
in the land: the Rhode Island State Police.Copy !req
1331. Yeah, it was a regular slice of Americana.Copy !req
1332. Y'all come back now! Thanks
for watching our motherfuckin' movie!Copy !req
1333. Visiontext Subtitles: Natasha CohnCopy !req
1334. OK, everybody, the water temperature is 63°.Copy !req
1335. Pop's thumb should be OK
if we find it within the next six hours.Copy !req
1336. - Sure?
- Do the math, motherfucker.Copy !req
1337. - Damn!
- Jeez.Copy !req
1338. - Fellas, I think I found it!
- What?Copy !req
1339. - False alarm.
- Oh, damn, Whitey!Copy !req
1340. ENGLISHCopy !req