Me and You and Everyone We Know (2005)

1. If you really love me, then let's make a vow,

2. right here, together,

3. right now.

4. Okay? Okay.

5. All right. Repeat after me —

6. I'm gonna be free.

7. I'm gonna be free.

8. And I'm gonna be brave.

9. I'm gonna be brave.

10. Good. And the next one is —

11. I'm gonna live each day as if it were my last.

12. Oh, that's good. You like that? Yeah. Say it.

13. I'm gonna live each day as if it were my last.

14. Fantastically.

15. Fantastically.

16. Courageously.

17. Courageously.

18. With grace.

19. With grace.

20. You don't have to bubble-wrap everything.

21. It's not like you're moving to the north pole.

22. Oh. That's not yours.

23. My father gave us that.

24. This is yours.

25. Remember this?

26. Oh, no.

27. Can we just do this without any theatrics? Please.

28. - We should have some kind of ceremony. - What?

29. You know, with the boys.

30. Some kind of thing so they don't forget we were once...

31. What are you doing? Richard?

32. Leave them alone.

33. Do I look well to you guys?

34. You should be in here packing this stuff.

35. But — Objectively speaking, if you weren't my children,

36. would you think that guy looks okay?

37. He looks like a guy who might have a wife and kids and stuff?

38. - Are you mad at us? - Yeah, totally. I think you look good.

39. Okay, good.

40. Space, space, dash.

41. Is that a Bengal tiger?

42. Um, I don't know.

43. Space, space, space.

44. Dash.

45. And in the dark of the night, and it does get dark,

46. when I call a name —

47. When I call a name.

48. - It'll be your name. - Hey.

49. What's your name? Never mind.

50. Let's go. Say it. Let's go. Everywhere.

51. Everywhere. Even though —

52. Even though — We're scared.

53. We're scared.

54. 'Cause it's life — It's life.

55. And it's happening. It's really, really happening...

56. right now.

57. All right. Now let's kiss to make it real, okay?

58. Okay.

59. So, how is your art project?

60. - Is it in the museum yet? - No. That's not how it works.

61. They have to know about your work —

62. I would just march in there and show it to them, you know?

63. No one is going to live your life for you.

64. Okay. That's not how it works, but okay.

65. So, how's Ellen?

66. Oh, she's wonderful.

67. I can't sleep at night thinking about her.

68. I just wish I had met her 50 years sooner.

69. - Yeah. - But then maybe I needed

70. 70 years of life

71. to be ready for a woman like Ellen.

72. This rug is dirty.

73. Everyone get a box on the way out.

74. Ow. Ow. Stop kicking me. Ow. Stop kicking me! Ow. Ow.

75. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

76. You know, some kids don't even have one home. Now you get to have two.

77. Think about that.

78. What I don't get was how angry Pam was. I didn't hurt anyone but myself.

79. - It's not like I robbed a bank. - Yeah, or bombed a church.

80. Do you have this in an eight and a half?

81. - Um, I believe we do. I'll be right back. - Thank you.

82. Right. Or bombed a church.

83. In some cultures, when you burn yourself, it's a ceremony.

84. It's called self-immolation.

85. My uncle used to do it all the time. It was a great trick.

86. He'd put the stuff on it and light it,

87. and it would just go out when he went like this.

88. Right before I lit it, I suddenly remembered

89. it's alcohol that burns but doesn't burn up.

90. Lighter fluid just burns.

91. And then I thought, "It's okay. It's better this way."

92. I just think of it as part of good service, you know?

93. No. No, we don't touch the foot anymore.

94. If you notice, we spend a lot of time touching the shoe —

95. lacing the shoe —

96. then we just put it on the ground and watch you try to get your foot in.

97. We can hand you tools — a shoehorn, a nylon sock —

98. but we will never touch your foot with our hands.

99. Now, I'll tell you what I can do.

100. I can press on the shoe to see if it fits.

101. - I can go like this. - Yeah, do that.

102. - How does that feel on the toe? - Good.

103. Good. Why don't you walk around in them?

104. - Did you want to try these on? - No, I'm just driving him.

105. - So those are comfortable? - I guess so.

106. I mean, they kind of rub my ankles, but all shoes do that.

107. I have low ankles.

108. You think you deserve that pain, but you don't.

109. - I don't think I deserve it. - Well, not consciously maybe.

110. My ankles are just low.

111. People think foot pain is a fact of life,

112. but life is actually better than that.

113. I'll say. You should get some.

114. Your whole life could be better. Starting right now.

115. I can't believe I got these shoes.

116. And they're exactly like my old shoes, except they're pink.

117. I don't need these, and they're not orthopedic.

118. But you seemed to believe everything he said.

119. Yeah. I think he really knew his stuff. He was very professional.

120. See, that's how gullible you are.

121. - You know, you meet somebody — - Christine.

122. Oh, God.

123. Roll down your window. We have to tell him.

124. No. If he stops, it'll fall off.

125. Even if he slows down, it'll fall.

126. The best thing for that fish would be

127. if he just could drive steadily... forever.

128. I guess these are his last moments of life.

129. Should we say some words?

130. I didn't know you...

131. but I want you to die knowing that you were loved.

132. I love you.

133. Hey. It was on your roof!

134. We'll go in front of you!

135. - Pull in front of him. - Okay.

136. We've got to keep him at a steady speed.

137. Just keep them steady.

138. Oh, God. That little girl is gonna have to watch it.

139. But at least they know.

140. At least we're all together on this.

141. When me and Pam were first in love, we hated to be apart, even for an hour.

142. Oh, yeah. I had something like that once.

143. - A real fuck-a-thon. - We just slept.

144. We loved to sleep when it was time to sleep.

145. Not sex. I mean, we had sex...

146. but what we really loved was to sleep like babies all day long.

147. That sounds perfect.

148. I don't want to have to do this living.

149. I just walk around.

150. I want to be swept off my feet, you know?

151. I want my children to have magical powers.

152. I am prepared for amazing things to happen. I can handle it.

153. Ellen.

154. Guess who's joining the Olympics?

155. - Guess who's joining the Olympics? - Who?

156. - Me. - Really?

157. - How is the love of my life? - Can I borrow this?

158. Of course. Which one is that?

159. Oh. My granddaughter and her boyfriend who won't marry her

160. are going to become art.

161. That's a limited access floor. You need a swipe card.

162. Oh. I'll just get off on two then.

163. You want the offices?

164. - Actually, are you Nancy Herrington? - Yes.

165. Okay. 'Cause, um, I wanted to show you my art.

166. I brought this tape I thought we could watch.

167. Okay. Why don't you send it to this address?

168. Oh, but that's here.

169. Can't I just hand it to you?

170. It'll get lost. It's better if you send it.

171. But I'm so close.

172. Okay. Do I need the thing to get out?

173. Oh, great, you're here. Let's go down.

174. Look at this.

175. Wow, that's amazing.

176. Were you able to talk to Patrick about the maintenance?

177. Yeah, we spoke this morning.

178. Well, it really is amazing. It just looks so real.

179. Like this wrapper. It looks like a real hamburger wrapper.

180. - Oh, that wrapper is real. - What?

181. Yeah. I always throw in a few real things.

182. Kind of cast a glow over the plaster objects.

183. You know, kind of bump it all up a notch.

184. Um, did you do this at the MoMA show?

185. Were there real things in that show, or —

186. Oh, yeah. Course.

187. This is mine. You got it from the staff kitchen.

188. No, I made that.

189. This stuff is really good for your skin. It has like all these minerals in it.

190. - Let me see! - Let me just finish!

191. - It doesn't match at all. - It will. Let me just finish.

192. My skin is way lighter than yours.

193. Okay. Just wait. You'll see. I just have to do your whole face first.

194. - What are — Where are you going? - I don't have to come in till 2:00.

195. - Oh, see you at 2:00 then. - Okay. See ya.

196. Guy at 1:00.

197. Not cute. Say hi.

198. Hi.

199. Hi.

200. - That doesn't match your skin color. - I know.

201. It doesn't.

202. Um, do you want me to finish, or do you want me to leave it how it is?

203. Are you guys like girlfriends?

204. Maybe.

205. You look like you could be sisters.

206. - Maybe we're sisters and girlfriends. - Yeah, that'd be pretty cool.

207. But that's pretty unlikely.

208. - How old are you guys anyways? - Eighteen.

209. I'm 18. She's 17.

210. - I turn 18 next week. - Yeah, I'd really love to believe you.

211. I really would, because I don't even have to go to work this morning.

212. I would love to believe in a universe

213. where you wake up and you don't have to go to work,

214. and you step outside and meet two beautiful 18-year-old sisters

215. who are also girlfriends

216. and... are also very nice people.

217. You guys seem like very nice people.

218. We are nice.

219. What would you do if you believed we were 18,

220. which we are?

221. Well, um, I can't even tell ya.

222. - I can't tell you till you're 18. - That's not true.

223. What about freedom of speech and the Constitution?

224. - What are you talkin' about? - Um, free speech.

225. Okay. Well, I don't know what you're talking about,

226. but I can't talk dirty to you

227. because then I'd be a pervert

228. and probably even a pedophile too, so...

229. - No one has ever talked dirty to us. - Really?

230. That sounds very appealing.

231. I'm gonna go inside now.

232. Okay. We'll wave to you.

233. - Make sure to look. - I will.

234. - Oh, he's probably jerking off. - Oh, my God.

235. He is. Ooh, you can so tell he is.

236. - How? - I can feel it.

237. See that crack? That's where his hard-on is.

238. Let's kiss.

239. Okay.

240. - Are my little chickies still hungry? - Yes.

241. Peep. Okay, worm check.

242. Open up. Are there any worms left in there?

243. You live next door to me.

244. - No, I don't. - I saw you moving in.

245. You have a white dad and a big brother.

246. Your whole family lives in one of those little apartments?

247. Do you all have to sleep in the same bed?

248. My mom lives somewhere else.

249. You should get a hide-a-bed. During the day it's a couch,

250. but at night it folds out into a comfortable queen-sized bed.

251. You want to be a little bird and get a little worm?

252. Just lie down and peep.

253. Peep, peep, peep.

254. Are you following us?

255. Yeah, quit following us, Peter Swersey!

256. If you don't stop following us, I'm gonna scream!

257. If you take another step towards me, I'm going to kick you in the throat!

258. Hey, come here.

259. Ask her if she likes bologna.

260. What are you putting?

261. I asked her what kind of "bossom" she had.

262. - It's probably a man. - Why is it a man?

263. 'Cause everyone just makes stuff up on these things.

264. It's probably a man pretending to be a woman.

265. So picture a fat guy with a little wiener.

266. - What's a "bossom"? - It's a nice word for titties.

267. - Where's Mom? - What do you mean?

268. What do you think she's doing right now?

269. I don't know. Screwing her new boyfriend probably.

270. - I think she's buying us presents. - Yeah, Robby.

271. Right now she's probably buying us each a car!

272. - It's a man. - I think it's a woman. I can tell it is.

273. What should we write? "I have a big wiener"?

274. I want to poop back and forth.

275. What? What does that mean?

276. Like, I'll poop into her butthole,

277. and then she'll poop it back

278. into my butthole.

279. And then we'll just keep doing it back and forth

280. with the same poop.

281. Oh, my God. I'm going to put that!

282. "I want to poop back and forth."

283. Oh, God. She's gonna think we're a crazy, perverted person.

284. - Ooh! She thinks we're crazy! - No, tell her like how I said it.

285. No, she'll never write back. We have to sound like we're a man, you know?

286. That's just lame. It's stupid.

287. But you said I could do half, and you've done all of them before this.

288. Okay, whatever. We're probably gonna get arrested. What do you want me to put?

289. Like how I said it.

290. "I'll poop in your butthole,

291. and then you will poop it back

292. into my butt,

293. and we will keep doing it"...

294. - Back... - Back...

295. - And forth... - And forth...

296. With the same poop.

297. Same poop.

298. Forever.

299. Wow, look at these beds.

300. You don't have to make the beds. I'll make 'em when I get home from work.

301. Where'd you learn to make corners like that?

302. It's just the way we like it.

303. Ho-ho, really? I thought you preferred the rumpled, unkempt look.

304. - We like it this way now. - Yeah.

305. At Mom's house, we have a chore wheel.

306. - What? - Nothing.

307. A chore wheel.

308. You put chores on it, and then you can spin it.

309. There's this metal thing,

310. and it helps it to spin.

311. It's spinning from the metal.

312. Okay. Well... So, it's just a half shift.

313. I'll be back in four hours, and we'll go do something fun, okay?

314. Okay.

315. - This in an eight and a half. - Nothing for Sylvie?

316. No.

317. We don't have the coral in an eight and a half.

318. So I brought the taupe and the black.

319. And this is a similar style in ivory with a strap.

320. Oh, I don't want the strap.

321. I didn't think you would. I just wanted you to see it.

322. Yeah, I would just feel silly with the strap.

323. I'm a grown woman.

324. Well, sure. But I'm contractually obligated

325. to at least try to sell you shoes.

326. How are the boys? Are you guys all settled in there?

327. My boys are great. They're great at being boys.

328. Kids are so adaptable.

329. - Am I adaptable? - Yes.

330. Yes, well,

331. they have absolutely no control over their own lives, so...

332. But if things were reversed,

333. you know, like that movie Freaky Friday,

334. you can be sure Pam and I would be sent to our rooms for all our fighting.

335. Yes, they would give us a time-out

336. and tell us we could not come out until we had really thought about what we had done.

337. What have we done?

338. But... there are no time-outs.

339. There's not enough time for time-out.

340. Is the sale just for clothes, or is it for other things too?

341. It's a storewide sale.

342. Fifteen minutes, Sylvie.

343. How do they feel?

344. Um, where are the Braun handheld blenders

345. that were advertised in the Sunday supplement?

346. - Is it a classic instrument? - What?

347. Is it timeless, or is it likely to go out of style in the next 20 years?

348. I would say it's a new classic. But 20 years is a long time.

349. I think everything's gonna be computerized in 20 years.

350. - Soup won't be computerized. - Why not?

351. It's a liquid.

352. Dude, did you just give her the family discount?

353. Yeah. She's my neighbor. I'm trying to work on my karma.

354. - Do you know what karma means? - Yeah.

355. It means that she owes me one.

356. I love you.

357. I'm not following you. My car's parked over there.

358. - In Smart Park? - No, on Front Street.

359. Oh, I parked in Smart Park.

360. So, at the end of the next block we'll separate. At Tyrone Street.

361. Yeah, the "Ice Land" sign is halfway.

362. It's the halfway... point.

363. Ice Land is...

364. It's kind of like that point in a relationship, you know,

365. where you suddenly realize it's not gonna last forever.

366. You know, you can see the end in sight.

367. Tyrone Street.

368. Yeah, but we're not even there yet.

369. We're still at the good part. We're not even sick of each other yet.

370. I'm not sick of you at all.

371. And whoa! It's been a good like six months, right?

372. What? Six months?

373. Then the Ice Land sign is like eight months?

374. You think we'd only last a year and a half?

375. - I don't know. - Huh?

376. I don't want to be presumptuous.

377. - I don't know if you're married or what. - I'm not.

378. Well, I'm separated. We separated last month.

379. I was thinking...

380. that Tyrone

381. was like 20 years away at least.

382. - Yeah? - Yeah.

383. Okay. Well, actually I was thinking

384. Tyrone is, like, when we die of old age.

385. And this is, like, our whole life together, this block.

386. See, that's perfect.

387. - Let's do it that way. - Okay.

388. Well —

389. Guess it can't be avoided. Everyone dies.

390. I could walk you to your car.

391. Um... maybe we should just be glad

392. that we lived this long, good life together.

393. You know, it's so much more than most people ever get to have.

394. - Okay. - Okay.

395. - Okay. - Okay.

396. - Well, don't be afraid. - Okay.

397. - Here we go. - Here we go.

398. Richard! Hi.

399. Hi. I thought your car was over here.

400. It is. It's down there. You could give me a ride to it.

401. Doesn't that break the rules of the thing?

402. This can be like the afterlife.

403. You know, like we're angels or something?

404. Cute.

405. What are you doing in my car?

406. No, I don't know you, and you certainly don't know anything about me.

407. I mean, what if I'm a killer of children?

408. Yeah. Well, that would put a damper on things, wouldn't it?

409. See, you're acting like I'm just this regular man. Like...

410. Like a man in a book who the woman in the book meets.

411. I'm not doing that.

412. I...

413. Did I just invite myself into your car? Is that what I just did?

414. - Well, I'm sorry. - No, I'm sorry.

415. - I'm sorry. - You should be.

416. Good. Terrific. Can you get out of my car now?

417. Okay.

418. Okay.

419. Okay.

420. Okay.

421. - Did you bring back my photo? - Oh, no.

422. I'm not done with it yet. I'm still in the brainstorming stage.

423. Well, if you get stuck, you should enlist Michael.

424. He's got creativity just rolling off of him.

425. Yeah, I always work alone. I'm a solo artist.

426. Of course. She's still brainstorming.

427. Yeah, it's — Whoa. It's like this complicated process that...

428. So, tell Ellen about the shoe guy. Did you go back to the store?

429. Yeah. And turns out he's a killer of children.

430. So, oh, well.

431. What? Why does he say "the tall one"?

432. - Because he wants me to do it. - He's crazy.

433. You'd leave teeth marks all over it. You'd chomp on it.

434. He could see that I have a sensuous mouth.

435. This is crazy. Someone should call in the authorities.

436. Obviously, I would do it better.

437. We need an impartial authority.

438. Hey, Peter! Peter Swersey.

439. We are going to give you a "jimmy ha-ha."

440. - Do you know what that is? - Yeah.

441. No, you don't. 'Cause I just made it up.

442. Don't you want a warm, wet jimmy ha-ha?

443. No.

444. You live there? Cool.

445. I'm gonna live in an apartment. Next year, maybe.

446. - Uh, yeah, right. - I am.

447. My sister's gonna get a loft apartment, and she said I could live with her.

448. She won't even let you sit in her car.

449. - Can we come in? - Yeah, can we come in? We'll be good.

450. Go eat it outside, Robby.

451. - Robby! - Okay! I just need to put on my jacket.

452. Robby!

453. - Can we see your parents' room? - My parents are separated.

454. My dad sleeps there. He'll be home, like, any second.

455. We're each going to do it,

456. and you have to tell us what the difference is afterwards.

457. Like, how it feels different when she does it from when I do it.

458. Exactly. Thank you, Rebecca.

459. You're welcome, Heather.

460. - But first we need a towel and — - And a washcloth.

461. Right. A wet washcloth and a dry washcloth.

462. And something sweet, like a cookie or a piece of candy.

463. - And a CD player. - And a Cody ChesnuTT CD.

464. I don't have that CD.

465. Uh-oh. That's our favorite music. So I guess we can't do it.

466. Oh, but look.

467. - I have it. - Go get the stuff.

468. Don't forget the towel, the washcloths, or the cookie.

469. - Or candy. - Or candy.

470. - Ready? - Yeah.

471. - Hey. Ready to do this? - I am.

472. - Yeah? - Yeah.

473. - Okay. - Yeah, we're good.

474. Okay, here are the rules.

475. You have to keep this pillow on your face.

476. You can't watch us.

477. - Okay. - You can't touch us.

478. You can't touch our heads. And we're not going to touch each other.

479. And you have to tell us when you're going to scooch.

480. - Yeah. - Okay.

481. So, take off your pants.

482. Okay, I'm going to wash it. So put the pillow on now.

483. Now person number one is going to go.

484. Might be me. Might be Rebecca.

485. - Okay, you go. - I don't want your cooties. Wipe it off.

486. Okay. Person number two — citizen two is beginning now.

487. Get away.

488. - Can I have the washcloth? - The wet one or the dry one?

489. The dry one.

490. So, what was the difference?

491. Yeah, who was better — number one or number two?

492. You were exactly the same. I couldn't tell the difference.

493. As far as everything goes with you, Jim —

494. Are you guys all packed for your mom's?

495. Yeah.

496. - What's that? - Dave planted it.

497. What a romantic guy.

498. Pam?

499. I'm in here. Come in.

500. Okay. Well, I'm off.

501. I'm just brushing my teeth.

502. Hey.

503. God, I used to hate that nightgown.

504. Other people have to look at it, but they can't read it.

505. That's the point.

506. Self-affirming.

507. Well, so you really need that written on your chest?

508. You don't already know it?

509. No, I don't already know I'm a precious, wondrous,

510. special, unique, divine, rare, valuable, whole,

511. sacred, total, complete, entitled, worthy, and deserving person.

512. I don't know that.

513. Excuse me. I'm looking for a pair of cuff links.

514. Menswear is the other side of the escalator.

515. - Over here? - Yeah.

516. Hi.

517. Do you have any glue?

518. - Oh, we have Shoe Goo. - Yeah, that might work.

519. We have to hold this for one to two minutes.

520. So, how's the separation going?

521. Or was that temporary? Maybe even momentary?

522. No, we're really separated. But we have two kids.

523. Okay. How old are they?

524. God, it's a real madhouse in here. It's 'cause of the sale we're having.

525. Well, go if you need to go.

526. How did you do that?

527. Oh, well, do you want the long version or the short version?

528. The long one.

529. I was trying to save my life, and it didn't work.

530. What's the short one?

531. I burned it.

532. And when do you get to take that off?

533. I don't know. I think when it stops hurting.

534. Let's give it another 15 seconds.

535. Do you want to sit down... together sometime, like with coffee or something?

536. Yeah.

537. Six, five, four, three, two...

538. Okay.

539. Well, if you ever feel too old to drive, just call that number.

540. I can't hear you!

541. - Is she of color? - And do you love me?

542. No. But she's a woman.

543. Even though I am sometimes irritating?

544. And a little bit selfish!

545. Oh, her.

546. Even when I forget to ask you how your day was?

547. Yeah, okay. Didn't we already show a local person this year?

548. I don't think she's ready. Let's go to slides.

549. I really do love you —

550. All right, what we need to ask ourselves

551. about each one of these is:

552. Could this have been made in any era, or only now?

553. - Are you listening? - Yeah.

554. Okay, what does this tell us about digital culture?

555. I don't think this tells us anything about digital culture.

556. I think you're right.

557. Let me guess. This one's about AIDS.

558. Yeah, it's not really on the theme, right?

559. And we already have photography.

560. You know, we have those, um, photos of e-mails.

561. E-mail wouldn't even exist if it weren't for AIDS.

562. Fear of contamination. Fear of bodily fluids.

563. I need a break. Let's take a break.

564. Okay. Okay, I'll get him. Richard.

565. Why don't you walk around in those and see how they feel?

566. - It's Peter. - Hello?

567. Oh, no. Really? Well, did you call your mom?

568. Oh, right. Damn.

569. Well, can you make it through the day, Petey? Are you barfing?

570. Okay. Okay, let's see here.

571. I don't get off until 6:00, and we are just slammed here. It's a sale day.

572. But don't worry. Someone will come and get you.

573. This is why we have neighbors. We're part of a community, Peter.

574. Does your mom make you do that?

575. No, this is my own towel.

576. I bought it with my own money. I have the whole set.

577. See, this is the bath sheet,

578. and this is the hand towel,

579. and this is the washcloth.

580. - Isn't the washcloth cute? - Yeah.

581. When they hang on the rack, they go like this.

582. I only have one set,

583. but I think I'm going to get the other two for Christmas.

584. What is all that stuff?

585. When I get married, all of this stuff will belong to my husband and my daughter.

586. Everything I have here will be theirs.

587. All of it. It's my dowry.

588. This is called a hope chest. Or trousseau in French.

589. So Peter was barfing?

590. I asked the neighbor woman to go get him.

591. It's like how they say it takes a village to raise a child.

592. If you'll excuse me, this is a private call.

593. So Robby's old enough to walk home alone?

594. Shit lords!

595. Richard?

596. There's no answer.

597. Robby loves to answer the phone. If he was there, he'd be answering it.

598. Maybe Peter went out looking for Robby.

599. Yeah, see, this is why you don't want a village raising your kid

600. because there's sketchy parts of the village,

601. and some of the villagers are junkies and child molesters.

602. I gotta go. Tell Sven that Robby's missing and I had to go.

603. Thank you for calling.

604. For furniture customer service

605. or inquiries regarding furniture or mattress delivery, press four.

606. For bridal registry, press six.

607. - Mann res — - Is Robby here?

608. - Mann residence. May I help you? - Is Robby here?

609. No. If you didn't know me, would you think I was really this tall,

610. or would you think I was standing on something?

611. You're here. Jesus Christ!

612. - Why didn't you guys answer the phone? - I was online.

613. Well, no more Internet when I'm not here. I have to be able to call you.

614. Maybe you should buy us cell phones.

615. No. Just stay off the fucking computer when I'm not here!

616. You can't make us stay off the computer if you're not here.

617. - You won't be here to make us stay off it! - I'm not punishing you. It's for safety!

618. - How did you get home? - I walked.

619. What is your dad watching? It looks like Nickelodeon.

620. - Don't look at my dad. - Sorry.

621. If he puts up another sign, I think we should go up there.

622. I mean, what else can happen? Just more signs? Signs forever?

623. I always thought I'd lose it with someone

624. who was my boyfriend or something.

625. But this is better...

626. 'cause it won't matter if we mess up.

627. And we'll be together.

628. But I'm trying to change!

629. All right.

630. This song is for you, and, yes, it is a love song.

631. Hi, Nancy Herrington.

632. So this morning, if you remember, you asked me to send my work.

633. And that was it, what you just watched. Did you love it?

634. I'm just kidding.

635. I can see why you don't do this face-to-face. It could be very awkward.

636. Hi.

637. And then you'd say,

638. "Hi. How was your day?"

639. Oh, me? I had a really weird day, actually.

640. And now I'm here,

641. alone in my apartment.

642. You're probably in your big house

643. with your family... and your dog.

644. And probably your dog has a family too.

645. You're probably all gathered around the fire singing carols

646. even though it isn't Christmas.

647. Just for fun.

648. You will never, ever see this

649. because you'll never watch this far on the tape.

650. You'll probably never even watch the tape, will you?

651. I could do anything right now.

652. If you are watching this,

653. then just call this number, okay?

654. Just call this number, the number you see on your screen,

655. and say "macaroni."

656. Okay? That's all you have to do.

657. Just "macaroni'and hang up. No questions asked.

658. I thought we'd have breakfast for dinner.

659. And then maybe sometime we'll have dinner for breakfast.

660. Just to mix things up a little.

661. But there's still ice cream for dessert.

662. It's fine with me if you guys want to continue this silent treatment.

663. It's like a Zen retreat for me.

664. Can I see it?

665. I didn't use the book. I made it up.

666. - What is it? - It's people seen from above.

667. From the sky.

668. See, these are people walking.

669. That's a person lying down.

670. And that's a person standing up next to a person lying down.

671. This is me...

672. and you

673. and everyone we know.

674. Where is Dad?

675. "R."

676. "I."

677. "N."

678. Come on. Come on.

679. "G."

680. We have a whole life to live together, you fucker!

681. But it can't start until you call.

682. - Eldercab. - Macaroni.

683. This can't be a regular thing. Tell them that you can't come in before 9:00.

684. It's not a regular thing. Last week I had to leave early one day —

685. Why did you have to leave early? Is everything okay?

686. Oh, honey, go back to bed. Was it the boys?

687. No. Jesus! I have a personal life, you know.

688. Oh, okay.

689. So I'll take them for longer next week. But you have 'em this whole week

690. because Dave and I are going to the coast until Saturday, okay?

691. - Is that not okay? - It is, it's just I might have a date.

692. Well, what do you want me to do?

693. Should I cancel our trip so you can go on the date you might have?

694. No, obviously, you should go.

695. - What's that sound? - I don't know, Rob.

696. - You should be in bed. - Mom?

697. That always happens at this time. You just were never up this early.

698. It's the lights, Robby. See these street lights?

699. They're run by a big computer that tells them when to go on and off.

700. That's what that sound is.

701. So, for the purpose of this role-play, Shamus is holding a grenade.

702. The juice is a grenade, so the worst thing we can do is act afraid,

703. because Shamus is already scared, and he's taking his cues from us.

704. We will want to exit in an orderly fashion,

705. telling Shamus with our actions

706. that he cannot get our attention in this inappropriate manner.

707. Hey. Hi.

708. So, do you have anything new in the chest? You know, the hope chest?

709. - What's the hope chest? - It's... nothing.

710. I don't know what you're talking about.

711. Ellen broke up with me.

712. What? Why?

713. She thinks she's gonna die this week.

714. Oh, no. Out of everyone at Saint Tod, she is the least likely person to die.

715. Well, she's usually right. She's been right about everyone else.

716. I lived a whole life with a woman I didn't even really like.

717. We traveled all over the world together.

718. And Ellen and I never even left the grounds.

719. Well, actually I took you to the IMAX that one time.

720. Yeah, but I wanted to take her to the Mayan ruins in Guatemala.

721. She really wanted to see those.

722. Yeah, that just seems weird that she wouldn't want to be with you,

723. you know, if her time was coming.

724. I've long since stopped trying to make people

725. do things they don't want to do.

726. But she's the love of your life. You're just gonna let her go?

727. No. She's just... going.

728. I can't get you out of my mind.

729. You're everything I've ever wanted.

730. Wild dogs couldn't drag me away from you.

731. Do you realize he's six?

732. He said he walked down Burnside. I don't even walk down Burnside alone.

733. I know. I am totally and completely in the wrong.

734. I'll call you. When's a good time?

735. I thought you might be interested in buying this talking picture frame.

736. - I love you. - Yeah, it's really convenient.

737. You can just carry it around with you.

738. And the next time you need to say "I love you," you can just press the button.

739. Yeah.

740. Could save you a lot of energy, you know?

741. But, then, if you're planning on saying "I love you" a lot,

742. you might have to change the batteries.

743. They're double-A's. Do you think you can handle that?

744. - Yeah. - Good luck.

745. Fuck!

746. Fuck you! Fuck me!

747. Fuck old people! Fuck children!

748. Fuck peace!

749. Fuck peace!

750. Fuck.

751. I'm taking off the bandage now, if anyone wants to see.

752. It's so sensitive.

753. It needs air. It needs to do some living.

754. Let's take my hand for a walk.

755. Talk to me.

756. So this is it? This is the end of our relationship?

757. That makes me sad. It really does.

758. Do you have questions you wanna ask me?

759. Do you want advice from your dad?

760. Ask me for advice on anything, anything at all. Anything.

761. Okay, name a song. I'll whistle it.

762. Any song. Any song that I know.

763. "Every Stone Shall Cry."

764. - What? - It's a hymn.

765. A hymn? How do you know a hymn?

766. We learned it at school.

767. Well, all right, let's hear it.

768. Come in.

769. What's that?

770. It's something for the hope chest.

771. It's for your daughter.

772. So you've thought about where you'll put everything?

773. Like the interior design?

774. Yes. Yes, I have, Peter.

775. If this was the kitchen,

776. I'd like there to be a little nook right over there by the window.

777. Like the booth of a restaurant.

778. And there'd be an island right where the light is hanging,

779. and the island would have the stove in it,

780. and a countertop on one side with tall stools under it.

781. My daughter would sit on a stool

782. so I could talk to her while I was making dinner or lunch.

783. What would you say to her?

784. I'd say...

785. "Hi, baby girl.

786. You are a precious treasure."

787. I'd live up there, if I could.

788. If there wasn't gravity.

789. Yeah.

790. But if you lived up there...

791. then all this stuff,

792. all this stuff in my room,

793. would fall down on you and it would crush you,

794. and you'd die.

795. Ellen would have been so proud of you.

796. Isn't it amazing, Ellen?

797. Yes. I'm so glad you took me here.

798. It was a whole civilization.

799. Two Mayan people in love

800. probably stood right where we're standing now and thought,

801. "Look what we have built together."

802. And now they're gone, and so is the city.

803. And there's just... us.

804. I am done.

805. That was great.

806. - Eldercab. - Hi.

807. - I'm feeling too old to drive. - Yeah?

808. I didn't think you were going to... feel that way.

809. I thought sometime you might want to come over and meet my sons.

810. Can we do that right now?

811. Now as in "now"?

812. Yeah.

813. Oh, good. You're here. You have to clean all this up.

814. Come on. Come on. Go. Go. Go.

815. Put away all this stuff. All this stuff needs to be put away somewhere.

816. No. Wait. You're right. This is better. More kid-like.

817. Just play. Do whatever you normally do. Just be kids. That's great.

818. Is that gonna fit in there?

819. No, I don't think so.

820. Maybe you can put it in there.

821. Oh, I guess not. It looked like it would fit, but I guess not.

822. Wait. Wait. I know.

823. Put it under there.

824. What are you doing that for?

825. I'm just passing the time.