1. I have no idea
how to tell this story.Copy !req
2. I don't even know
how to start it.Copy !req
3. Like, I guess I could use
one of those classicCopy !req
4. story beginning sentences.Copy !req
5. "It was the best of times;
it was the worst of times."Copy !req
6. But what would that even mean?Copy !req
7. I mean, obviously,
somewhere in the world,Copy !req
8. it's the best of times
for someone.Copy !req
9. Like he's eating all this insaneCopy !req
10. Vietnamese food
he just got for free...Copy !req
11. and the woman
who delivered the foodCopy !req
12. looks exactly like the hot
girl from Pussy RiotCopy !req
13. and now she's situated
in the cornerCopy !req
14. playing unspeakably beautiful
melodies on the harp.Copy !req
15. While he's just going to town
on that food.Copy !req
16. So, yeah,
that's the best of times.Copy !req
17. Meanwhile, some other guy
is havingCopy !req
18. his will broken
by professional torturers...Copy !req
19. over a crocodile-infested
pool of acid.Copy !req
20. And because it's acid,Copy !req
21. these crocodiles
are just pissed.Copy !req
22. And they're also piping in
that gross smell you get...Copy !req
23. when they spill
a bunch of milkCopy !req
24. in the school parking lot.Copy !req
25. And this beefy torture dudeCopy !req
26. is just punching
the hell out of him.Copy !req
27. Check.Copy !req
28. All right, look.
I'll just start.Copy !req
29. This is the story of
my senior year of high schoolCopy !req
30. and how it destroyed my life.Copy !req
31. And how I made a film so bad,
it literally killed someone.Copy !req
32. I used to think about it
this way:Copy !req
33. Schenley High School
was a world unto itself.Copy !req
34. By senior year, I had mastered
the languages and customsCopy !req
35. of its various sovereign states.Copy !req
36. The head nods of Jock Nation.Copy !req
37. The fist bumps
of the Kingdom of Stoners.Copy !req
38. The innocuous witticisms ofCopy !req
39. The People's Republic
of Theater Dorks.Copy !req
40. Greg, how was your summer?Copy !req
41. Summer. What does that word
even mean?Copy !req
42. Like, more "summ"?Copy !req
43. In a typical high school life,Copy !req
44. you belong to one nation...Copy !req
45. which can never
guarantee you total security.Copy !req
46. But I thought
I found a way out.Copy !req
47. Get citizenship in every nation.Copy !req
48. Get passports to everywhere.Copy !req
49. Just be on low-key
good terms with everyone...Copy !req
50. casually interact with them
once in a while...Copy !req
51. in a way that is invisible
to everyone else.Copy !req
52. Never commit to an interactionCopy !req
53. that won't be casual or mellow.Copy !req
54. Your test was today?Copy !req
55. Ugh. Tests!
I've been there.Copy !req
56. That's like sending troops
to Afghanistan.Copy !req
57. Maintain relationships
with citizensCopy !req
58. of the most
dicked-upon nations.Copy !req
59. For example, Scott Mayhew,Copy !req
60. the gothy dork
I'm sitting next to here.Copy !req
61. Scott, nice Berserker.Copy !req
62. Thank you?Copy !req
63. It took years of cultivation
to win his trust.Copy !req
64. Or the universally
ostracized Ill Phil.Copy !req
65. Truly a nation of one.Copy !req
66. And there were some
places I simply couldn't go.Copy !req
67. Like the cafeteria.Copy !req
68. Every last square inch of it
was disputed territory.Copy !req
69. It was Crimea, Kashmir,Copy !req
70. and the Gaza Strip
all rolled into one.Copy !req
71. Also the part of
the Indian Ocean with pirates.Copy !req
72. Captain Phillips pirates,
not Pirates of the Caribbean.Copy !req
73. Although, actually, who knows?
Maybe both.Copy !req
74. Instead, I always ate lunch
in the officeCopy !req
75. of my history teacher.Copy !req
76. Mr. McCarthy.Copy !req
77. I'm in 309 for
the next... 20 minutes.Copy !req
78. The only reasonable adult
in all of Schenley.Copy !req
79. Heathens.Copy !req
80. Respect the research.Copy !req
81. With Earl,
whose role in my lifeCopy !req
82. I'm not even gonna try to
explain to you right now.Copy !req
83. The harmony of overwhelming
and collective murder.Copy !req
84. Hot girls destroy your life.Copy !req
85. It doesn't matter if the hot
girl is also a good person.Copy !req
86. She's a moose,
you're a chipmunk.Copy !req
87. She's just wandering through
the forest, oblivious.Copy !req
88. And she doesn't even know that
she stomped on your head.Copy !req
89. Hey, Madison.Copy !req
90. Hey, how was your summer?Copy !req
91. Summer. What does that word
even mean, right?Copy !req
92. More "summ."Copy !req
93. Winter, same deal.
More "wint"?Copy !req
94. McCarthy's in 309.Copy !req
95. Great, thanks.Copy !req
96. To become humbledCopy !req
97. in front of
this overwhelming misery...Copy !req
98. and overwhelming
fornicationCopy !req
99. and overwhelming lack of order.Copy !req
100. Titties.Copy !req
101. Honey, can we come in?
Jesus, Jesus!Copy !req
102. Yeah. What do you want?Copy !req
103. First of all,
I was going through...Copy !req
104. your stuff
and I saw that youCopy !req
105. have not even unwrapped
your college directory.Copy !req
106. Mom, don't go through my stuff.Copy !req
107. We discussed it, and she gets
to go through your stuff.Copy !req
108. Just have a look.
It's fun.Copy !req
109. It's like a menu
for your future.Copy !req
110. What are you in the mood for?
Some Penn State?Copy !req
111. Some Pepperdine?
Pomona? Princeton?Copy !req
112. I'm not getting into Princeton.Copy !req
113. He's not getting into Princeton.Copy !req
114. Um, so, is that it?Copy !req
115. No, honey, it's not it.Copy !req
116. Your father and I want to talk to you
about something kind of sad.Copy !req
117. What?Copy !req
118. What happened?Copy !req
119. Well, I just got off the phone
with Denise Kushner,Copy !req
120. Rachel's mom. You know Denise?Copy !req
121. Um, not really.Copy !req
122. You're friends
with Rachel, though.Copy !req
123. Yeah, I mean,
we're like, acquainted.Copy !req
124. Come here.Copy !req
125. Okay.Copy !req
126. Rachel's been diagnosed
with leukemia.Copy !req
127. They just found out.Copy !req
128. Your test was today?Copy !req
129. Ugh. Tests! I've been there.Copy !req
130. Oh, God.Copy !req
131. Is that serious?Copy !req
132. They're doing
all kinds of tests.Copy !req
133. They're doing
everything they can.Copy !req
134. They just don't know.Copy !req
135. Man, that sucks.Copy !req
136. You're right.Copy !req
137. It sucks.Copy !req
138. It sucks really bad.Copy !req
139. It sucks quite a bit.Copy !req
140. Yeah.Copy !req
141. Dad, Cat Stevens is clawing me.Copy !req
142. Well, he's deeply distraught.Copy !req
143. Well, you know,
I was talking to Denise...Copy !req
144. and Denise feels that
you might be someone...Copy !req
145. who could make
Rachel feel better.Copy !req
146. Yeah, but like I said,Copy !req
147. we're not really friends, so...Copy !req
148. Just give Rachel a call.Copy !req
149. Yeah, well, what do you
want me to say?Copy !req
150. "Hey, it's Greg, the guy who'sCopy !req
151. "never really paid
attention to you...Copy !req
152. "... but now you have cancer,
so let's hang out"?Copy !req
153. That's not gonna work.Copy !req
154. She'll think
you're being sarcastic.Copy !req
155. Are you telling me
you can't doCopy !req
156. one nice thing
for another person?Copy !req
157. I mean, honestly, is that
really what's happening here?Copy !req
158. Fine. Okay.Copy !req
159. Just, please don't
go through my stuff.Copy !req
160. Or I'll start going through
your stuff.Copy !req
161. I hope you like tampons.Copy !req
162. It's
Central Pittsburgh on 90.5...Copy !req
163. This is Rachel.Copy !req
164. Hey, it's Greg Gaines.Copy !req
165. Hi.Copy !req
166. Yo!Copy !req
167. So, I called a doctor...Copy !req
168. he said you needed
a prescription of Greg-acil.Copy !req
169. What's that?Copy !req
170. Uh...Copy !req
171. It's me.Copy !req
172. In convenient gel-tab form.Copy !req
173. Oh.Copy !req
174. Yeah.Copy !req
175. So, I guess
you heard I'm sick.Copy !req
176. Yeah.Copy !req
177. Did my mom tell you?Copy !req
178. Um, well, my mom told me.Copy !req
179. Oh.Copy !req
180. So, um...Copy !req
181. What?Copy !req
182. What?Copy !req
183. What were you gonna say?Copy !req
184. Um...Copy !req
185. Greg, what?Copy !req
186. Uh, yeah,
I was just calling to seeCopy !req
187. if you wanted to hang out.Copy !req
188. Right now?Copy !req
189. Um, sure.Copy !req
190. No, thanks.Copy !req
191. Oh.Copy !req
192. Okay, so you don't
wanna hang out?Copy !req
193. No. Thanks anyways.Copy !req
194. Okay. Um, bye.Copy !req
195. Bye.Copy !req
196. Mom, what are you doing?Copy !req
197. Okay, Mom, listen,
she doesn't want to see me.Copy !req
198. I'm sorry to be the one
to tell you, Gregory...Copy !req
199. that you do not
have a choiceCopy !req
200. in this particular matter.Copy !req
201. Mom, please, let me say
one thing for one second.Copy !req
202. You have been
given an opportunityCopy !req
203. to make a very real difference
in someone's life.Copy !req
204. And if what you're
choosing insteadCopy !req
205. is to lie around the house
all day...Copy !req
206. She doesn't want to see me!Copy !req
207. I will be required
to step in...Copy !req
208. We're not even friends!Copy !req
209. and inform you that
that is 100% unacceptable.Copy !req
210. Your nonstop stream of
words is making me freak out!Copy !req
211. And if you think that all
these excuses you're makingCopy !req
212. are in any way better...Copy !req
213. or more important,
than the happinessCopy !req
214. of a girl with cancer...Copy !req
215. Mom! I am now entering
a subhuman state.Copy !req
216. a friend with cancer,Copy !req
217. you are sadly mistaken,
my friend.Copy !req
218. You are going to pick up
that phone.Copy !req
219. You're going to
call Rachel again.Copy !req
220. You are going to.
You are going to.Copy !req
221. Oh, Greg.Copy !req
222. Oh, Mrs. Kushner.Copy !req
223. Denise, Greg.Copy !req
224. To you, I'm Denise, okay?Copy !req
225. Oh, okay. Good.Copy !req
226. You're a real good kid,
you know that?Copy !req
227. You really are.
You just have a big heart.Copy !req
228. You're kind, nice.Copy !req
229. I really appreciate it.Copy !req
230. Thank you.Copy !req
231. Good, good, good, good, good...Copy !req
232. good boy.Copy !req
233. Okay.Copy !req
234. You really are kind,
big-hearted, delicious...Copy !req
235. yummy, yummy, young boy.Copy !req
236. And you're so, so, handsome.Copy !req
237. Oh, I'm not handsome,
but thank you.Copy !req
238. And so modest.Copy !req
239. I guess I'm a modest mouse.Copy !req
240. Greg, where do you come up
with this stuff?Copy !req
241. Well, that's the name
of a band, actually.Copy !req
242. Oh.
Yeah.Copy !req
243. Rachel!Copy !req
244. I've got a modest little mouse
here to see you!Copy !req
245. Rachel.Copy !req
246. Greg, what are you doing here?Copy !req
247. So, uh...Copy !req
248. the doctor
really recommendsCopy !req
249. a strong dosage of Gregitor.Copy !req
250. You already used that joke.Copy !req
251. No.Copy !req
252. No, 'cause last time
it was about Greg-acil...Copy !req
253. which if you recall comes
in convenient gel-tab form.Copy !req
254. Look, I don't want you
hanging out with me.Copy !req
255. I don't need your stupid pity.Copy !req
256. It's fine, you can just go.Copy !req
257. No, no.Copy !req
258. You got it all wrong. I'm not
here 'cause I pity you.Copy !req
259. I'm actually here
because my mom is making me.Copy !req
260. That's actually worse.Copy !req
261. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
262. Look, it's okay. Honestly,
I'm fine. Just... just go.Copy !req
263. Okay, Rachel, just listen
to me for a second.Copy !req
264. My mom is gonna turn my life
into a living hell...Copy !req
265. if I don't hang out
with you.Copy !req
266. I can't overstate how annoying
she's being about this.Copy !req
267. She's basically like
the LeBron James of nagging.Copy !req
268. LeBron James plays basketball.Copy !req
269. I know who LeBron James is.Copy !req
270. Look, I know I'm not doing you
any favors here.Copy !req
271. What I'm asking is for you
to do me a favor.Copy !req
272. You want a favor from me?Copy !req
273. Yes.Copy !req
274. Just let me hang out
with you for one day.Copy !req
275. I could tell
my mom we hung outCopy !req
276. and then we'll just be
out of each other's lives.Copy !req
277. Deal?Copy !req
278. Deal.Copy !req
279. Word.Copy !req
280. Is that a Black Power salute?Copy !req
281. No, I was going in
for a fist bump.Copy !req
282. I can't fist bump you
from up here.Copy !req
283. Yeah, I realize that.Copy !req
284. Books.Copy !req
285. Nice.Copy !req
286. And, uh...Copy !req
287. tree wallpaper.Copy !req
288. That's good.Copy !req
289. Why?Copy !req
290. I don't know.Copy !req
291. There's a lot of pillows
in here.Copy !req
292. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
293. Seriously, like, how many...
how many pillows is that?Copy !req
294. I don't know.Copy !req
295. I wish I had
that many pillows.Copy !req
296. So, ask your parents for some.Copy !req
297. No, they'd be suspicious
or something.Copy !req
298. What, that you'd sleep
all the time?Copy !req
299. No. Probably assumeCopy !req
300. I was gonna masturbate
all over them.Copy !req
301. They just have
some gross ideas about me.Copy !req
302. But that's on them.Copy !req
303. They're always getting
sexy pillows.Copy !req
304. This is a nice pillow.Copy !req
305. This pillow is a dude,
obviously...Copy !req
306. but it reminds me
of this pillowCopy !req
307. we used to have
named Francesca.Copy !req
308. They have a similar coloring.Copy !req
309. Anyway, Francesca,
we had to eventuallyCopy !req
310. give away because in the end...Copy !req
311. that whole situation
was just a real problem.Copy !req
312. It was a mess.Copy !req
313. There was a real chemistryCopy !req
314. between us both that
I think no one could deny.Copy !req
315. I know the world may have
thought it was wrong...Copy !req
316. but I think, personally,
the world was wrong...Copy !req
317. about what
could be between...Copy !req
318. a pillow, and a boy...Copy !req
319. who became a man.Copy !req
320. Or whatever. I'm just...Copy !req
321. trying to be funny.Copy !req
322. No, that was good. Thank you.Copy !req
323. Oh, shit.Copy !req
324. I actually have to go.Copy !req
325. That's okay. Who was that?Copy !req
326. Sorry. Uh, that was Earl.Copy !req
327. Oh, who's Earl?Copy !req
328. You may remember Earl
from 15 minutes ago.Copy !req
329. Titties.Copy !req
330. So, some people think
Earl is my friend,Copy !req
331. but he's really not.Copy !req
332. He's more like a coworker.Copy !req
333. I've known him
since kindergarten.Copy !req
334. His house is
a short walk from mine,Copy !req
335. but in a much
tougher neighborhood.Copy !req
336. His dad is in Texas, his mom
is a depressed shut-in.Copy !req
337. And his brother
Derrick's dog DoopieCopy !req
338. will definitely eat me someday.Copy !req
339. Doopie, Doopie, chill!Copy !req
340. So over the years we've
mostly hung out at my place.Copy !req
341. Usually with my dad,
a tenured sociology professor.Copy !req
342. What you got, cat?
You wanna fight?Copy !req
343. Didn't think so, punk-ass cat.Copy !req
344. - Boys!
- His job allows himCopy !req
345. to be frequently at home
doing nothing.Copy !req
346. You'll want to pay
close attention to this.Copy !req
347. The insane conquistador,
Aguirre,Copy !req
348. is raging through the jungle...Copy !req
349. in search of a golden city
that doesn't exist.Copy !req
350. The wrath of God.Copy !req
351. It's a classic
of foreign cinema.Copy !req
352. Who else is with me?Copy !req
353. In addition to the best films...Copy !req
354. This is cuttlefish.Copy !req
355. my house also has
the weirdest food.Copy !req
356. A sea creature
much like a squid.Copy !req
357. It is a favorite East Asian
snack food.Copy !req
358. Obviously we come from
pretty different backgrounds.Copy !req
359. But somehow, we like
most of the same things.Copy !req
360. Yes, its smell is
odd and repellentCopy !req
361. to our Western noses.Copy !req
362. And we learned pretty early onCopy !req
363. that we were the only ones
who liked...Copy !req
364. for example,
classics of foreign cinema.Copy !req
365. Why did we like them?Copy !req
366. It's hard to say.Copy !req
367. Maybe it's that they were
weird and often violent,Copy !req
368. like us.Copy !req
369. Or confusing and possibly
meaningless, like life.Copy !req
370. You can't escape of
this stinkin' campCopy !req
371. because you never know
when they call you.Copy !req
372. Because you're paid for,
you're under contract.Copy !req
373. Anyway,
we liked them so muchCopy !req
374. we started making our own.Copy !req
375. Action!Copy !req
376. The idea behind
each one was...Copy !req
377. we took a film
that we likedCopy !req
378. and made the title stupider.Copy !req
379. And then made a new filmCopy !req
380. to reflect
the new stupid title.Copy !req
381. It's a formula that only
produces horrible films...Copy !req
382. but for some reason
we keep using it.Copy !req
383. We've made 42 films.Copy !req
384. You'd think we'd have stopped
making them by now.Copy !req
385. But we haven't.Copy !req
386. Honestly, it's like
you can't go anywhere.Copy !req
387. You can't escape this
stinking place...Copy !req
388. because you don't know
when they call you...Copy !req
389. and you're paid to be here,
it's bullshit.Copy !req
390. Yeah, and it's like, you know,Copy !req
391. I can't do anything.
I'm not a free person.Copy !req
392. Truly, one of my favorites
from your oeuvre.Copy !req
393. A mature investigation
into the nature of violence.Copy !req
394. Dad, for like
the billionth time,Copy !req
395. you're not allowed
to watch these.Copy !req
396. I'm a fan.Copy !req
397. You gonna go see
that girl again?Copy !req
398. I mean, probably, yeah.Copy !req
399. You gonna play
with them titties?Copy !req
400. No. It's not like that.Copy !req
401. Well, that's not right.Copy !req
402. I mean, this could be
her last chance on EarthCopy !req
403. to be with a man.Copy !req
404. Don't make this about you.Copy !req
405. Earl!Copy !req
406. First of all,
if it's that high-stakes,Copy !req
407. probably won't even be able
to get a boner.Copy !req
408. Did I even say shit
about boners?Copy !req
409. No.Copy !req
410. What kind of cancer even is
acute myelogenous leukemia?Copy !req
411. You know, cancer of the, uh...Copy !req
412. the thing.Copy !req
413. It's bullshit!Copy !req
414. The Battle of Antietam was
the bloodiest dayCopy !req
415. in American history.Copy !req
416. Class, what do you have to
say for yourselves?Copy !req
417. Respect the research.Copy !req
418. That is what
I'm talking about!Copy !req
419. All right, run for your lives.Copy !req
420. Save yourselves.
Go, go, go, go, go.Copy !req
421. Good work today, everybody.Copy !req
422. Way to go. Bam.
Love it. Good stuff.Copy !req
423. Good job.
Excellent work today.Copy !req
424. Excellent. Nice job.
Hey, can I talk to you?Copy !req
425. Can I talk to you
for a second?Copy !req
426. Sure, Greg, what's up?Copy !req
427. Uh, do you know
any facts about leukemia?Copy !req
428. Leukemia?Copy !req
429. Yeah, it's a cancer of the
blood and/or bone marrow.Copy !req
430. Why?Copy !req
431. Right, so it's pretty
spread out in the body?Copy !req
432. That is a fact, yes.Copy !req
433. How soon do
people die from it?Copy !req
434. I think it's often
pretty treatable, bud.Copy !req
435. Why do you ask?Copy !req
436. Well, you know Rachel Kushner
has leukemia, right?Copy !req
437. Wait, Rachel has what?Copy !req
438. I'm, like,
innovatively stupid.Copy !req
439. Everyone was gonna find out
sooner or later.Copy !req
440. Just hate having to share
everything about myself.Copy !req
441. I'm the exact same way.Copy !req
442. You know, one thing you can doCopy !req
443. if you don't want to
talk to anyone...Copy !req
444. is just enter
a subhuman state.Copy !req
445. Here, pretend you're
someone annoying.Copy !req
446. "Hi, Rachel.Copy !req
447. "I'm really sorry
you have cancer."Copy !req
448. Does that ever work?Copy !req
449. Yeah, of course.
It works all the time.Copy !req
450. It's called passive resistance.Copy !req
451. You know, that's what Gandhi
was all about.Copy !req
452. I'm pretty sure Gandhi
never did the subhuman thing.Copy !req
453. That's how India achieved
statehood. Here, try it.Copy !req
454. Nope.Copy !req
455. Come on, it's easy.Copy !req
456. Okay. Or another thing
you can do is justCopy !req
457. flat-out pretend to be dead.Copy !req
458. Say something annoying to me.Copy !req
459. Um...Copy !req
460. "Hey, Rachel. I just want you
to rememberCopy !req
461. "that your cancer
is all part of God's plan."Copy !req
462. Hey, asshole.Copy !req
463. Yeah, over here.Copy !req
464. Just so we're straight on this,Copy !req
465. you're advising
a girl with cancer...Copy !req
466. to pretend to be dead.Copy !req
467. No, seriously.Copy !req
468. Think about what you're
doing here, dickhead.Copy !req
469. I've been doing
my broody Wolverine face onCopy !req
470. this girl's wall...Copy !req
471. for five
and a quarter years,Copy !req
472. and at this point, I'm
probably only still here...Copy !req
473. because she'd feel
weirdly guiltyCopy !req
474. or disloyal taking me down.Copy !req
475. But I'm goddamned
if I'm lettingCopy !req
476. a little punk like you
waltz in here...Copy !req
477. stupiding up the place!Copy !req
478. Not on my watch, pal.Copy !req
479. Greg, what's wrong?Copy !req
480. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
481. I shouldn't have told you
to pretend to be dead.Copy !req
482. That was really insensitive.Copy !req
483. I mean, I'm sick.
I'm not dying.Copy !req
484. Yeah, I know, but I just...Copy !req
485. Now I'm being
all weird about it.Copy !req
486. And I can't get un-weird,
'cause I just...Copy !req
487. Despite what you said,Copy !req
488. I'm clearly still sitting here
thinking...Copy !req
489. "death, death, death,
death, death, death."Copy !req
490. That's exactly
what I'm talking about!Copy !req
491. So if this was
a touching romantic story...Copy !req
492. this is probably
where a new feelingCopy !req
493. would wash over me...Copy !req
494. and suddenly we would be
furiously making out...Copy !req
495. with the fire
of a thousand suns.Copy !req
496. But this isn't
a touching romantic story.Copy !req
497. Anyway...
Yep.Copy !req
498. But we did still become friends.Copy !req
499. Daniel Craig's thing is,
he's got an accent, right?Copy !req
500. So he's used to talking with
his mouth in a weird shape...Copy !req
501. which is why he has
pouty lips, like a woman.Copy !req
502. Lickable technology, like,
I could text you a sandwich.Copy !req
503. There's a button on the nape
of his neck, under the skin.Copy !req
504. Just push it
if you want him to stop.Copy !req
505. Do you believe animals
just live in our house,Copy !req
506. and everyone's cool with it?Copy !req
507. Like, real animals?Copy !req
508. Anyway. You talk now.Copy !req
509. You mean, talk about cancer?Copy !req
510. Only if you want to.Copy !req
511. The hardest part is
watching my momCopy !req
512. trying to deal with it all.Copy !req
513. And sometimes, I mean,
I do think if it ends upCopy !req
514. that she's alone
in that house...Copy !req
515. She has no one. She and my dad
hate each other.Copy !req
516. She has no siblings.Copy !req
517. I don't know what she'd do.Copy !req
518. Don't cry.Copy !req
519. I'm not crying.Copy !req
520. Right, well, you know,
you can cry if you need to.Copy !req
521. I thought you said,
"Don't cry."Copy !req
522. Me and my dad used to
walk around the blockCopy !req
523. and count squirrels.Copy !req
524. Why? Did he work for, like,
the squirrel census?Copy !req
525. No, it was just
something we didCopy !req
526. when it was time for us
to spend time together.Copy !req
527. We didn't even say anything
while we did it.Copy !req
528. All we'd say was stuff like:Copy !req
529. "Squirrel, seven."
"Two squirrels, nine."Copy !req
530. Jesus. You need to apply
for a dad refund immediately.Copy !req
531. What group am I in?Copy !req
532. What?Copy !req
533. Yesterday you were
saying you'd mapped outCopy !req
534. the entire high school by group.Copy !req
535. What's my group?Copy !req
536. Seriously?
Yeah.Copy !req
537. Boring Jewish Senior Girls,
Subgroup 2-A.Copy !req
538. Please appreciate
how honest I was just now.Copy !req
539. You're an asshole.Copy !req
540. What group are you in?Copy !req
541. Uh, I'm not
in a group, actually.Copy !req
542. I just wouldn't belong to
a group that doesn't suck.Copy !req
543. You know,
I'm terminally awkwardCopy !req
544. and I have a face
like a little groundhog.Copy !req
545. So...Copy !req
546. You can't really think that.Copy !req
547. No, I don't think that.Copy !req
548. I know that.Copy !req
549. I just feel like, you know,
for a kid like me...Copy !req
550. in high school,
best case scenario,Copy !req
551. just... survive. You know?Copy !req
552. Survive without creating
any mortal enemies...Copy !req
553. or hideously embarrassing
yourself forever.Copy !req
554. Just survive until college?Copy !req
555. College? No. God, college is
going to be even worse.Copy !req
556. What?Copy !req
557. I mean, at least high school,
it's over at 3:00...Copy !req
558. and it's kids
I mostly know by now.Copy !req
559. But college is just gonna be
non-stop strangers.Copy !req
560. And some of them
even live in your room.Copy !req
561. It's like you can
literally never relax.Copy !req
562. I see myself dying of
a panic attack two weeks in.Copy !req
563. I might just not apply.Copy !req
564. That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard you say.Copy !req
565. It's probably
not even top five.Copy !req
566. And, you know,
high school, college,Copy !req
567. we're forced to spend
these years of our lives...Copy !req
568. in randomly selected
groups of peopleCopy !req
569. that we have nothing
in common with.Copy !req
570. It's a nightmare.Copy !req
571. Anyone who says otherwise
is lying.Copy !req
572. Congratulations, Greg.Copy !req
573. Tomorrow,
you're eating lunch withCopy !req
574. Boring Jewish Senior Girls,
Subgroup 2-A.Copy !req
575. So where do you usually sit?Copy !req
576. It's literally like we're trying
to have lunch in Kandahar.Copy !req
577. Rachel, we just found out the
theme for this year's prom:Copy !req
578. "A Knight to Remember."Copy !req
579. Knight with a "K."
Medieval prom!Copy !req
580. Isn't prom like
six months away?Copy !req
581. Hi, guys. This is Greg,Copy !req
582. he's gonna be
sitting with us today.Copy !req
583. Anybody need any spoons? No?Copy !req
584. Hello.Copy !req
585. So, Greg, why are you
sitting with us today?Copy !req
586. You know, it's lunch.Copy !req
587. You gotta eat somewhere.
Can't stand and eat.Copy !req
588. You and Rachel seem very
friendly, all of a sudden.Copy !req
589. Yeah.Copy !req
590. You're only talking to her
because she has cancer.Copy !req
591. What?Copy !req
592. Greg, you hung out
with Rachel once.Copy !req
593. You're befriending her to
feel good about yourself.Copy !req
594. No, I'm not.Copy !req
595. Who even does that?Copy !req
596. You guys mind
if I sit with you?Copy !req
597. Of course not.Copy !req
598. Sorry, it's a...Copy !req
599. It's a pillow.
It's meant to be a baby,Copy !req
600. for health class.Copy !req
601. You think it's safe here?Copy !req
602. A pillow?Copy !req
603. Greg, what do you think?Copy !req
604. Mmm, I don't know.Copy !req
605. Better not get it
too close to me,Copy !req
606. otherwise I might just
masturbate onto it.Copy !req
607. Ew, Greg,
that's just weird and gross.Copy !req
608. Hey, everyone,Copy !req
609. check out Scott Mayhew's
Tyrannosaurus walk.Copy !req
610. It's a great way to get
from point A to point B.Copy !req
611. That was really mean, Greg.Copy !req
612. I think he heard you.Copy !req
613. And just like that...Copy !req
614. eight years
of carefully-cultivatedCopy !req
615. invisibility... gone.Copy !req
616. Fin.Copy !req
617. Your mom made cookies?Copy !req
618. Nah, I won them off
of Ill Phil in a game of tonk.Copy !req
619. Got tired of whooping
your sorry ass.Copy !req
620. Why do they even call it
Scholar Horizons Biology?Copy !req
621. Maybe they should call it
Scholar Horizons Tonk.Copy !req
622. Or Sometimes Paper Football.Copy !req
623. Heathens.Copy !req
624. What up?
Hi, Mr. McCarthy.Copy !req
625. Wow.Copy !req
626. Earl, fact,
that lunch is garbage.Copy !req
627. You're literally poisoning
yourself right in front of us.Copy !req
628. At least I ain't eating
no funky assCopy !req
629. seaweed-looking tentacle soup.Copy !req
630. Seriously, this stuff
is the business.Copy !req
631. It's Vietnamese.
It's called Pho.Copy !req
632. It is "Pho-nomenal."Copy !req
633. Well, let me try
some one time.Copy !req
634. Mmm.Copy !req
635. Now you want to try some?
Yeah.Copy !req
636. Well, no.Copy !req
637. It's strictly forbidden for me
to give you food.Copy !req
638. However, if you go to...Copy !req
639. Thuyen's Super
Saigon FlavorCopy !req
640. over in Lawrenceville...Copy !req
641. and ask for Thuyen.Copy !req
642. Tell him to put it on my tab.
You'll be all set.Copy !req
643. I ain't going to
no damn Lawrenceville.Copy !req
644. Fair enough.Copy !req
645. You'll have to excuse me.Copy !req
646. Boys.Copy !req
647. Respect the research.Copy !req
648. Respect!Copy !req
649. God! You know,
people just assume thatCopy !req
650. Rachel and I are dating.Copy !req
651. It's ruining my life.Copy !req
652. Today I threatened to
sexually assault a fake baby.Copy !req
653. And I became mortal enemies
with Scott Mayhew.Copy !req
654. Both of which
are Rachel's fault.Copy !req
655. Sorry, but they just are.Copy !req
656. Of course I'm a dick
for complaining about it.Copy !req
657. I mean, I am a dick
for complaining about it.Copy !req
658. I didn't actually mean
any of that.Copy !req
659. Better play with them titties.Copy !req
660. Does this taste strange to you?Copy !req
661. The soup had drugs.Copy !req
662. Whoa!Copy !req
663. McCarthy must've
put weed in that soupCopy !req
664. because my brain
is trying to eat itself.Copy !req
665. Oh, my God.Copy !req
666. I have to go visit
Rachel right now.Copy !req
667. Okay, well, you do that.Copy !req
668. I'ma be at your house
eatin' up all your dad's food.Copy !req
669. No! You have to
come help!Copy !req
670. Help with what?Copy !req
671. Help!Copy !req
672. Hey, in class,
do McCarthy act all, like,Copy !req
673. stoned and shit?Copy !req
674. Uh, I don't know.
I guess.Copy !req
675. Yeah, sometimes.Copy !req
676. Well, not sometimes,Copy !req
677. but you know what I'm...
You know how he is.Copy !req
678. Goddamn, son.Copy !req
679. You can't even put a full damn
sentence together.Copy !req
680. It's insane that Mr. McCarthy
eats soup with drugs in it.Copy !req
681. Hey, come on, man,
keep your damn voice down.Copy !req
682. We can't tell anyone
we're on drugs.Copy !req
683. Why the hell not?Copy !req
684. Because then they'll know.Copy !req
685. It's my humble little mouse.Copy !req
686. And who is
his little mouse friend?Copy !req
687. Earl Jackson.Copy !req
688. Earl's just my coworker,
and, uh, he's a great guy.Copy !req
689. We were just walking around
the neighborhood, you know.Copy !req
690. Not really doing anything,Copy !req
691. and just wanted
to come say "What's up?"Copy !req
692. 'Cause Rachel's
about to lose her hair.Copy !req
693. Mmm.
So, just wanted to say,Copy !req
694. you know,
"Bye, hair. Good riddance."Copy !req
695. She's gonna look great without
hair. That's a fact, so...Copy !req
696. Yeah, I just wanted to say
what's up.Copy !req
697. Rachel! We've got
two cute little mouse boysCopy !req
698. on our doorstep
that wanna say hi!Copy !req
699. Would you two... mice
like a little bit of cheese?Copy !req
700. Okay.Copy !req
701. I like your room, Rachel.Copy !req
702. Thanks. Greg thinks
it's too girly.Copy !req
703. No, I love girly,
I think it's fine.Copy !req
704. Well,
it ain't too girly.Copy !req
705. "Yo, this some
pink puffy bullshit."Copy !req
706. I mean, Hello Kitty postersCopy !req
707. and chocolate and naked dudes
all over the wall.Copy !req
708. They make me want to
throw up for real.Copy !req
709. Hey, if you're gonna throw up,
don't do it in here, okay?Copy !req
710. This is her room.Copy !req
711. Anyways.Copy !req
712. Rachel, we really just wanted
to see how you was doin'.Copy !req
713. Thanks.Copy !req
714. Yeah, chemotherapy.
That really sucks.Copy !req
715. Greg.Copy !req
716. What the hell, bro?
Don't say it suck, dumb-ass!Copy !req
717. It does kinda suck.Copy !req
718. Yeah, but I mean, you gotta do
what you gotta do.Copy !req
719. Yeah, I guess.Copy !req
720. Um...Copy !req
721. Uh...Copy !req
722. Look, you guys can go
if you want.Copy !req
723. We're on drugs.
Oh, shit!Copy !req
724. Why are you on drugs?Copy !req
725. Well, we're accidentally
on drugs.Copy !req
726. "Accidentally"?Copy !req
727. McCarthy gave us some soup.Copy !req
728. Well, McCarthy gave us
some of his,Copy !req
729. you know, just regular,
normal soup...Copy !req
730. but then, it was
the last of the soupCopy !req
731. so we had to
go get some more...Copy !req
732. from a restaurant,Copy !req
733. on the fifth floor
of an office building.Copy !req
734. And in the same building,Copy !req
735. there was a Jamaican embassy...Copy !req
736. and we ended up
getting trappedCopy !req
737. in an elevator
with a Rastafarian guy...Copy !req
738. and he just hotboxed
the whole elevator, so...Copy !req
739. We were stuck in there
for, like, 25 minutes...Copy !req
740. and we had to breathe
the weird marijuana air.Copy !req
741. Earl, am I right?Copy !req
742. That's exactly what happened.Copy !req
743. You guys had
quite an adventure.Copy !req
744. Being on drugs
just really sucks.Copy !req
745. Being around people
on drugs sucks.Copy !req
746. This whole situation, really
sorry, just sucks. I'm sorry.Copy !req
747. Yo, yo. What the hell
is your problem, man?Copy !req
748. All apologetic and shit,Copy !req
749. making shit
'bout your sorry ass.Copy !req
750. Look, that's not what we came
here to do. Okay?Copy !req
751. You wanna help,
you gonna take this girl outCopy !req
752. to get some ice cream.Copy !req
753. And me, too,
'cause I love that shit.Copy !req
754. You like ice cream?Copy !req
755. Yeah.Copy !req
756. So, you know
Greg from class?Copy !req
757. I've known Greg
ever since we were little.Copy !req
758. You know, I was in
y'all kindergarten, right?Copy !req
759. Really?Copy !req
760. Mmm-hmm. I remember you.Copy !req
761. You was the girl who called
Justin Jones perverted...Copy !req
762. for showing girls
the birthmark on his butt.Copy !req
763. Oh, my God, yes!Copy !req
764. Yeah, dude came running up,Copy !req
765. showed you his butt.
You were calm.Copy !req
766. Said, "Justin, only perverts
show their butts."Copy !req
767. I was right there.Copy !req
768. I can't believe
you remember that.Copy !req
769. You a hero. Shut his
perverted ass right down.Copy !req
770. I never forget it.Copy !req
771. So you and Greg are coworkers?Copy !req
772. Naw, we friends.Copy !req
773. He just hates calling people
his friend. Dude's got issues.Copy !req
774. Yeah, he does.
What's going on?Copy !req
775. Man, I don't even know.
It might be his folks.Copy !req
776. I mean, dude's mom
always tellin' himCopy !req
777. how handsome he is,
which he ain't.Copy !req
778. So now he think he can't trust
anybody close to him.Copy !req
779. Dude's weird-ass dadCopy !req
780. don't socialize with anybody
'cept the cat.Copy !req
781. So that's a role model
ain't got no friends.Copy !req
782. Bottom line, dude's terrifiedCopy !req
783. of callin' somebody
his friend...Copy !req
784. and they sayin', "Hey, bro,
I'm not your friend."Copy !req
785. Then he'd have to kill himself.Copy !req
786. But how are you coworkers?Copy !req
787. We, um, we make films.Copy !req
788. Movies?Copy !req
789. Yeah. We been making them
for a few years now.Copy !req
790. We have, like, 42 in total.Copy !req
791. Greg! You never told me.Copy !req
792. Well, we never told
anybody 'bout them.Copy !req
793. They suck.
I mean, they're terrible.Copy !req
794. I'm pretty sure they don't suck.Copy !req
795. Well, you can see
for yourself if you want.Copy !req
796. Are you sure?Copy !req
797. Hell, yeah,
don't even worry about it.Copy !req
798. Just don't tell nobody.Copy !req
799. No, of course,
I won't.Copy !req
800. All right, son,
get on your feet.Copy !req
801. Sounds good.Copy !req
802. Where are we going?Copy !req
803. We can walk you home.Copy !req
804. He needs to recover,Copy !req
805. and you probably
should look after him.Copy !req
806. Peace, peace.Copy !req
807. Thanks.
Bye.Copy !req
808. Goddamn it, Earl.Copy !req
809. Son, don't even start.Copy !req
810. Pig's foot.Copy !req
811. So, we're pretty far
into this stupid story now...Copy !req
812. and you're probably
saying to yourself,Copy !req
813. "Hey. I like this girl Rachel.Copy !req
814. "And I'm gonna be pissed
if she dies at the end."Copy !req
815. don't freak out. She survives.Copy !req
816. So, hopefully,
that reassures you.Copy !req
817. Although, actually,
why would it?Copy !req
818. I'm just overwhelmed
with your enthusiasm today.Copy !req
819. I guess we're just gonna have
to do itCopy !req
820. the old-fashioned way.Copy !req
821. I'm thinking of one of you.Copy !req
822. I'm not gonna mention
any names,Copy !req
823. but your initials...Copy !req
824. are Scott Mayhew.Copy !req
825. Greg's been telling everyoneCopy !req
826. your soup has marijuana in it.Copy !req
827. I didn't tell anyone.Copy !req
828. I heard you bellowing about it
on public transit.Copy !req
829. Is that a fact, Greg?Copy !req
830. Look, yesterday,
Earl and I got stoned somehow.Copy !req
831. And it was after
we both ate your soup.Copy !req
832. And we didn't smoke
any marijuana,Copy !req
833. which I have never done, so...Copy !req
834. Your soup
must have drugs in it,Copy !req
835. 'cause that was the only thing
we both ate...Copy !req
836. other than some cookies
we got from Ill Phil,Copy !req
837. the drug dealer.Copy !req
838. Aha.Copy !req
839. Man, how did you not know
it was the cookies?Copy !req
840. Man, it was your dumb ass
yelling that shit on the bus.Copy !req
841. Yo, Greg!Copy !req
842. Did you snitch on me?Copy !req
843. He did snitch on you!Copy !req
844. I was there.Copy !req
845. I heard you ridiculing meCopy !req
846. in front of
your loathsome harem.Copy !req
847. You have made...
a mortal enemy.Copy !req
848. And I will never stop
hounding you.Copy !req
849. Yeah, you made two mortal
enemies. I stabbed a dude.Copy !req
850. Jesus.Copy !req
851. So they haven't really
done anything.Copy !req
852. It's been about a month now.Copy !req
853. They did say they're never
gonna stop hounding me...Copy !req
854. so, sooner or later...
you know...Copy !req
855. gonna get hounded.Copy !req
856. Sorry, next time
I'll bring you some flowers.Copy !req
857. Though I don't even know
where I'd put them.Copy !req
858. It's like, like the only place
left is the barf bucket.Copy !req
859. Flowers.Copy !req
860. Where you barf.Copy !req
861. I like that hat.Copy !req
862. It's pretty cute.Copy !req
863. Look, I've never been
very beautiful...Copy !req
864. and that's fine because
that's not important to me.Copy !req
865. But...Copy !req
866. I thought it'd be
easier looking like this.Copy !req
867. It's just not.Copy !req
868. Everyone comes in here
and sees me...Copy !req
869. and they're
so clearly repulsed.Copy !req
870. It's so much harder
than I thought it would be.Copy !req
871. Hey, come on.Copy !req
872. You look good.Copy !req
873. I'm ugly, Greg! I'm so ugly.Copy !req
874. Everyone feels like they have
to lie to me and no oneCopy !req
875. realizes how insulting that is.Copy !req
876. Everyone thinks they're
helping, and they're not.Copy !req
877. Here.Copy !req
878. That one's called Mono Rash.Copy !req
879. It's based on Rashomon
by Kurosawa.Copy !req
880. Plot's basically
just Earl killing peopleCopy !req
881. 'cause he has a rash...Copy !req
882. from mono,
you know, the STD.Copy !req
883. Anyway, we're supposed
to go work onCopy !req
884. our homage to Apocalypse Now.Copy !req
885. Ours is called
A Box O' Lips, Wow,Copy !req
886. which is even worse
than Mono Rash.Copy !req
887. It's a war movie
where these two guysCopy !req
888. take part in the unspeakable
brutality of war...Copy !req
889. and then they find
a box of tulips.Copy !req
890. Box O' Lips, yeah.
And they're just, "Wow."Copy !req
891. They can't get over
how great these tulips are,Copy !req
892. it's like,
"A box o' lips, wow!"Copy !req
893. The worst part is,
tulips might notCopy !req
894. even be in the budget anymore.Copy !req
895. I should actually
just stay hereCopy !req
896. and keep you
from watching that.Copy !req
897. No! I'm fine. Go make it.Copy !req
898. Okay.Copy !req
899. Okay. Have fun watchingCopy !req
900. this incredibly terrible movie.Copy !req
901. Mmm. Have funCopy !req
902. making the next one.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
903. Hey, white boy!Copy !req
904. Why don't you make me a tulip
'fore I have Doopie come downCopy !req
905. there and eat your face?Copy !req
906. But no, for real.
Can you make me a tulip?Copy !req
907. Oh, my God!
Am I on set right now?Copy !req
908. Oh, damn!
Oh, my God!Copy !req
909. Ahh! I can't take it!
Action! Cut!Copy !req
910. Madison, why are you here?Copy !req
911. Rachel said that
I could find you here...Copy !req
912. and your phone was going
straight to voice mail.Copy !req
913. Probably 'cause there ain't
no good service down there!Copy !req
914. But I had to get here
'cause I had to let you know.Copy !req
915. So, I was visiting Rachel,
and I was giving her a card...Copy !req
916. and she was watching
one of your secret movies.Copy !req
917. Oh, my God.
Wait, did you see any of it?Copy !req
918. No! No, she turned it
off immediately.Copy !req
919. It was good, it was good.Copy !req
920. You know,
you're both Japanese, and...Copy !req
921. Earl beheaded you,
and, but then,Copy !req
922. she, like, turned it off.Copy !req
923. But I had a brainstorm. Okay?
I had an amazing brainstorm.Copy !req
924. I realized... you need to
make a film for Rachel.Copy !req
925. What do you think?Copy !req
926. It would be like her favorite
thing in the entire world...Copy !req
927. and it's like the most
important thing you could do.Copy !req
928. You have to do it.Copy !req
929. Yeah, word.Copy !req
930. "Word"? Like, word,
you'll do it, word?Copy !req
931. Yep.Copy !req
932. Oh, my God, awesome!Copy !req
933. Okay, well,
I can't wait to see it.Copy !req
934. Um, okay, I gotta go, but...Copy !req
935. Cut!Copy !req
936. That's a wrap!Copy !req
937. Rolling!Copy !req
938. Titties.Copy !req
939. Goddamn it!Copy !req
940. In the next few weeks,Copy !req
941. did I start
making that movie? No.Copy !req
942. Because I didn't agree
to make that movie.Copy !req
943. All I said was, "Word."Copy !req
944. "Word" could mean anything.Copy !req
945. Plus, we had at least
a month or two...Copy !req
946. all the terrible films
we'd already made.Copy !req
947. For example,
A Sockwork Orange.Copy !req
948. "Droogle"?Copy !req
949. It's Google for droogs.Copy !req
950. What's that?Copy !req
951. Nothing, just the bane
of my existence.Copy !req
952. Which my mom is forcing me
to carry aroundCopy !req
953. until I apply
to some colleges.Copy !req
954. She says it's like a menuCopy !req
955. for my future,
and I was, like, "Sure.Copy !req
956. "A menu that only has foodCopy !req
957. "that will humiliate me
for four years."Copy !req
958. You have to be less
of an idiot about college.Copy !req
959. Listen, even if you think
people won't like you...Copy !req
960. which is literally
an insane thing to think...Copy !req
961. you're way less exposed
to people in college.Copy !req
962. High school is 40 hours
of class a week.Copy !req
963. College is, like, 15 and 20.Copy !req
964. And if you don't want to
live with other people,Copy !req
965. then go to Pittsburgh State.Copy !req
966. Live at home.Copy !req
967. It's better than
sitting college outCopy !req
968. because you irrationally
hate yourself.Copy !req
969. Not irrationally, though.Copy !req
970. Apply to Pittsburgh State.Copy !req
971. Right now. Apply early.Copy !req
972. Come on. Do it in front of me.
Apply to Pittsburgh State.Copy !req
973. What if I say no?Copy !req
974. I have stage four cancer.Copy !req
975. So that would be a pretty
dick move. Come on.Copy !req
976. Fine.Copy !req
977. "Why I want to
go... to college."Copy !req
978. By Werner Herzog.Copy !req
979. The highly selectiveCopy !req
980. admissions process...Copy !req
981. weeds out the cruel
and the stupid.Copy !req
982. So college is unlike
the senseless chaos...Copy !req
983. and sickening enormity
of high school.Copy !req
984. High school is the mouth
of a great demon...Copy !req
985. biting and chewingCopy !req
986. and smushing people in the face.Copy !req
987. It is simply overwhelming.Copy !req
988. In all seriousness,Copy !req
989. I am looking forward
to college...Copy !req
990. because I didn't really
fit in in high school,Copy !req
991. because of my weird
rodent face...Copy !req
992. No.Copy !req
993. and a habit of saying
the dumbest possible shit.Copy !req
994. No!Copy !req
995. The sheer pastiness
of my complexion...Copy !req
996. overwhelms all who behold
it with existential nausea.Copy !req
997. "In high school, I never
truly felt comfortable...Copy !req
998. "... in my own skin.Copy !req
999. "In fact,
I've always been someone...Copy !req
1000. "... who doesn't
really like themselves.Copy !req
1001. "But I think that's because I
have some growing up to do...Copy !req
1002. "... and college is the place
where I'm going to do it."Copy !req
1003. That's way too personal.Copy !req
1004. Fine, if you want to
see this again...Copy !req
1005. Okay! Okay!Copy !req
1006. But only because cancer.Copy !req
1007. And you know what? You have to
do this too now. Here.Copy !req
1008. Page through this huge,
horrible bookCopy !req
1009. and find some colleges.Copy !req
1010. That's yours now.Copy !req
1011. Mmm. It's like a menu
for your future.Copy !req
1012. Can I finish my movie first?Copy !req
1013. So,
if we make this film,Copy !req
1014. people are gonna be, like:Copy !req
1015. "Oh, Greg and Earl,Copy !req
1016. "they're those weird filmmakers.Copy !req
1017. "They're always
creepily filming stuff.Copy !req
1018. "They'll probably sneak into
your house one nightCopy !req
1019. "and film you
while you're sleeping."Copy !req
1020. But people probably
already think that,Copy !req
1021. So now, I've become
completely conspicuous,Copy !req
1022. like all the time.Copy !req
1023. People look at me and think,Copy !req
1024. "Filmmaker."
The hell even is this?Copy !req
1025. When they're not
already thinking,Copy !req
1026. "Cancer girl's boyfriend."Copy !req
1027. It tastes like a dog's
funky-ass butthole.Copy !req
1028. Furthermore,
we agreed to do a filmCopy !req
1029. that we have no idea
what it should look like...Copy !req
1030. or sound like, or even be.Copy !req
1031. I mean,
what the hell sort of filmCopy !req
1032. should we even make? Huh?Copy !req
1033. I mean, what was I thinking?Copy !req
1034. You were thinking
that girl MadisonCopy !req
1035. had nice titties.Copy !req
1036. I mean,
I like the titties too,Copy !req
1037. but now you got a problem.Copy !req
1038. 'Cause I ain't agreed
to do this shit.Copy !req
1039. You did.Copy !req
1040. Are you not gonna
help me make this?Copy !req
1041. The hell we gonna make, son?Copy !req
1042. They want fresh inspiration.Copy !req
1043. I must tell you,
the richest inspirationCopy !req
1044. I have ever known was...Copy !req
1045. during my period of
quarantine in the Amazon.Copy !req
1046. Where I
and a half dozen other...Copy !req
1047. unfortunates
had nothing to watch...Copy !req
1048. but the bristling,
leviathan tarantula...Copy !req
1049. bunched up on
the rotting, flimsy thatch...Copy !req
1050. perhaps eight feet
above our faces.Copy !req
1051. Spiders the size of your fist.Copy !req
1052. Their fangs glistening
with venom and...Copy !req
1053. their thousand-fold
black eyesCopy !req
1054. shining dully in the gloom.Copy !req
1055. In the darkness,
you would hearCopy !req
1056. the sudden anguished hiss...Copy !req
1057. of a spider being struck
by an adult leopard wasp...Copy !req
1058. and in their
mortal struggle,Copy !req
1059. they would plummet
to one's bed...Copy !req
1060. biting and stinging
and thrashing...Copy !req
1061. You know that you can
smoke a hornet?Copy !req
1062. Okay, so just look at me
when you answer the questions.Copy !req
1063. Don't worry
about the camera, all right?Copy !req
1064. Okay, Denise.Copy !req
1065. Tell me a little
about Rachel's birth.Copy !req
1066. Uh, Rachel's birth.Copy !req
1067. What an ordeal that was.Copy !req
1068. Greg, just...
let me tell you one thing.Copy !req
1069. I was a really good mom
to her, you know?Copy !req
1070. I really was.Copy !req
1071. Some single moms,
their kids grow up too fast...Copy !req
1072. but I always tried to
protect Rachel from that.Copy !req
1073. I did my very best
to protect her from...Copy !req
1074. growing up too quickly,
you know?Copy !req
1075. Right.Copy !req
1076. And now,
I'm learning that there are...Copy !req
1077. protect your kid from,
you know?Copy !req
1078. No matter what you do,
you just...Copy !req
1079. So, did she have
any favorite toys?Copy !req
1080. Before I answer that question,
this is serious...Copy !req
1081. so use your ears
and listen to me.Copy !req
1082. I want you
to promise me somethingCopy !req
1083. as I care about you.Copy !req
1084. You gotta promise me you're
not gonna have a baby...Copy !req
1085. unless you're ready to loveCopy !req
1086. that baby's mother
your whole life...Copy !req
1087. and this is serious.Copy !req
1088. I'm telling you something
that nobody's gonna tell you.Copy !req
1089. Don't pick a girl
who's push-pull, you know?Copy !req
1090. You wanna pick somebody
who's gonna love you...Copy !req
1091. and not forget you,
and not...Copy !req
1092. leave you for someone
with a big, fat ass.Copy !req
1093. So, no favorite toy.Copy !req
1094. Um...Copy !req
1095. Oh, you want to know what?
Here's a favorite toy.Copy !req
1096. Scissors.Copy !req
1097. When Rachel's father
first left...Copy !req
1098. she gathered up
all his books,Copy !req
1099. and she rounded 'em up
and she cut them right up.Copy !req
1100. Please, don't tell her
I'm telling you,Copy !req
1101. she would chop my head off.Copy !req
1102. But she just...Copy !req
1103. And I was, like, "Atta girl."Copy !req
1104. Snip, snip, snip.
She was very mad.Copy !req
1105. Can we take a little break
and have a little taste?Copy !req
1106. You boys are old enough
to have a little taste, right?Copy !req
1107. Can we take a teeny break,
just have a little taste?Copy !req
1108. Oh, yeah, that's a good boy.Copy !req
1109. Greg, will you join us?Copy !req
1110. Oh, I'm okay.Copy !req
1111. Oh, come on,
don't be a party pooper!Copy !req
1112. Now we can get back
to our interview.Copy !req
1113. So, basically,
this whole setupCopy !req
1114. is so that, you know...Copy !req
1115. I can talk to you,
you can talk to me...Copy !req
1116. and I can see you,
and you can see me.Copy !req
1117. Except it's not really me,
it's a phone.Copy !req
1118. And I know that
sounds kind of weird,Copy !req
1119. but it's not.Copy !req
1120. So, anyway, just treat it
like a get-well card,Copy !req
1121. you can look into the lens.Copy !req
1122. And, uh...Copy !req
1123. Yeah, it's a video,
so you know...Copy !req
1124. don't think about it
too hard,Copy !req
1125. but just make it good.Copy !req
1126. Start whenever you're ready.Copy !req
1127. Hi, Rachel.Copy !req
1128. I guess I don't really
know you that well...Copy !req
1129. but I believe in you.
You can do it.Copy !req
1130. That's real nice, yo.Copy !req
1131. It's so sweet
that your boyfriendCopy !req
1132. is doing this for you.Copy !req
1133. He must really love you.Copy !req
1134. Girl, that ain't her boyfriend.Copy !req
1135. Oh.Copy !req
1136. I know you're Jewish,
but I just wanted you to knowCopy !req
1137. that God has a plan for you.Copy !req
1138. You seem like
a really cool person.Copy !req
1139. I know we don't really talk.Copy !req
1140. But you've got
a lot of friends. And, uh...Copy !req
1141. Out of all the people
in this school,Copy !req
1142. I don't hate you.Copy !req
1143. I believe in you
and you can do it.Copy !req
1144. You can do it.Copy !req
1145. I believe in you.Copy !req
1146. You can do it.Copy !req
1147. Damn.Copy !req
1148. So again,Copy !req
1149. if this was a touching,
romantic story...Copy !req
1150. we'd obviously fall in loveCopy !req
1151. and she'd say all the wise,
beautiful things...Copy !req
1152. in life's twilight or whatever.Copy !req
1153. And then she'd die in my arms.Copy !req
1154. But again,
that's not what happened.Copy !req
1155. She just got quieter.
And unhappier.Copy !req
1156. So, how are you?Copy !req
1157. For real.Copy !req
1158. For real?Copy !req
1159. Feeling like
you might have been right.Copy !req
1160. Right when?Copy !req
1161. Back in October.Copy !req
1162. When you thought I was dying.Copy !req
1163. Well, I mean,
I regret thinking that.Copy !req
1164. Don't regret it.Copy !req
1165. What is that noise?Copy !req
1166. It's Regretful Polar Bear.Copy !req
1167. Polar Bears have
the purest expressionCopy !req
1168. of regret in the animal kingdom.Copy !req
1169. Just listen to how haunting
and plaintive they sound.Copy !req
1170. Don't make me laugh.
Please. It kinda hurts.Copy !req
1171. All right.Copy !req
1172. Kind of a monster
silence in here.Copy !req
1173. Yeah.Copy !req
1174. It's okay to just be silent
for a while.Copy !req
1175. Look,Copy !req
1176. I know you're really
bracing for this sweet girl...Copy !req
1177. that you probably
like a lot to die.Copy !req
1178. Just please bear with me.
She doesn't. She gets better.Copy !req
1179. I promise.Copy !req
1180. Pretty much all I remember
from that winter...Copy !req
1181. is working on
that stupid film...Copy !req
1182. that made some kind of sense...Copy !req
1183. and knowing the whole time
that I couldn't...Copy !req
1184. to make the thing
we wanted to make...Copy !req
1185. but it wasn't
possible for us.Copy !req
1186. That was
an entire winter of my life.Copy !req
1187. I mean, obviously,Copy !req
1188. I remember visiting Rachel too.Copy !req
1189. Sometimes she talked,Copy !req
1190. and sometimes,
she didn't want to.Copy !req
1191. When she didn't want to,
I talked.Copy !req
1192. Or we watched movies.Copy !req
1193. Sometimes, she laughed.Copy !req
1194. Sometimes, she didn't.Copy !req
1195. What I don't remember
is doing schoolwork.Copy !req
1196. I did literally zero
schoolwork during this time.Copy !req
1197. Not figuratively.Copy !req
1198. Literally zero schoolwork.Copy !req
1199. That's actually
sort of hard to do.Copy !req
1200. So, what's going on at school?Copy !req
1201. Well, right now,
the whole school looks like a castle...Copy !req
1202. 'cause everyone's
getting readyCopy !req
1203. for Medieval Prom.Copy !req
1204. I guess everyone's trying
to figure out how to, like...Copy !req
1205. twerk medievally?Copy !req
1206. Are you going?Copy !req
1207. No, of course not.Copy !req
1208. You should go.Copy !req
1209. No way!Copy !req
1210. Have you seen me in a tux?Copy !req
1211. It's like when they make
a dog wear human clothes.Copy !req
1212. Have you seen that?Copy !req
1213. It just makes you
really sad to look at.Copy !req
1214. Oh, and I don't have
anyone to go with.Copy !req
1215. So there's that.Copy !req
1216. Unless...Copy !req
1217. you know...
you wanted to...Copy !req
1218. Greg, I'm not going to prom.Copy !req
1219. I mean, you totally could.Copy !req
1220. It could be like a,
s-, awesome statement.Copy !req
1221. Hey, uh...Copy !req
1222. When are you guys
finishing your movie?Copy !req
1223. You don't know we're working
on a movie right now.Copy !req
1224. You don't have to pretend.Copy !req
1225. Earl told me you guys
were making a movie for me.Copy !req
1226. God, yeah...Copy !req
1227. I guess he probably did.Copy !req
1228. I was just asking, because...Copy !req
1229. Goddamn it, Earl! Ugh.Copy !req
1230. It was just, it was
supposed to be a surprise!Copy !req
1231. You know? It's taking foreverCopy !req
1232. because we really want
to get it right, and...Copy !req
1233. I'm probably gonna
stop treatment pretty soon.Copy !req
1234. What?Copy !req
1235. It just isn't
doing me any good.Copy !req
1236. All it's doing
is making me sicker.Copy !req
1237. Yeah, but it...
I mean, if you stop, then...Copy !req
1238. Well, we'll just
see what happens.Copy !req
1239. Well, we know
what's gonna happen, right?Copy !req
1240. I know who
you can take to prom.Copy !req
1241. Who?Copy !req
1242. This sexy pillow here.Copy !req
1243. Oh, my God, can you just...Copy !req
1244. Ooh, Greg,Copy !req
1245. this pillow's name is Francesca.Copy !req
1246. Don't joke,
I can't deal with that.Copy !req
1247. She's a filthy Italian woman.Copy !req
1248. Please, stop!Copy !req
1249. Don't yell at me.Copy !req
1250. So, that's it?
Just, to hell with college,Copy !req
1251. to hell with growing up?Copy !req
1252. Greg, don't.Copy !req
1253. Rachel, what the hell
is wrong with you?Copy !req
1254. This is your life!Copy !req
1255. Yeah, it is my life.Copy !req
1256. It's me who has to
lie in bed all day,Copy !req
1257. with a shaved head...Copy !req
1258. getting weaker and uglier,Copy !req
1259. and more miserable,
with no hope in sight.Copy !req
1260. I'm the one who
has to suffer through this,Copy !req
1261. not you, so don't yell at me.Copy !req
1262. I'm sorry,
but I'm not gonna sit hereCopy !req
1263. and get comfortable
watching you die.Copy !req
1264. Okay? I'm not.
I'm not gonna do that.Copy !req
1265. So don't ask me to.Copy !req
1266. If you can't accept
that I'm going to doCopy !req
1267. what I want to do
with my life...Copy !req
1268. then you're
a terrible friend.Copy !req
1269. I'm a terrible friend?Copy !req
1270. Okay.Copy !req
1271. You know,
I'm not the one giving up.Copy !req
1272. I'm not ruining
my friend's lifeCopy !req
1273. by giving up
on the whole world.Copy !req
1274. Oh, please, Greg,
you should be overjoyed.Copy !req
1275. Now you can
go back to your lifeCopy !req
1276. of being invisible
and detached...Copy !req
1277. and self-hating.Copy !req
1278. Yeah.Copy !req
1279. And you can go back
to your life of being dead.Copy !req
1280. Nice. Really nice.Copy !req
1281. This is gonna kill your mom.Copy !req
1282. Have you gotten
comfortable with that?Copy !req
1283. That doesn't
bother you anymore?Copy !req
1284. Thinking about your mom?Copy !req
1285. Get outta here, Greg.Copy !req
1286. You've done your time.Copy !req
1287. You don't have to hang around
with the sick girl anymore.Copy !req
1288. How can you even
say that to me?Copy !req
1289. Your mom forced you
to hang out with me.Copy !req
1290. Earl forced you
to show me your movies.Copy !req
1291. Madison forced you
to make a movie about me.Copy !req
1292. So, what part of this
did you actually want to do?Copy !req
1293. Just... Just do something
nice for me for onceCopy !req
1294. and just get out.Copy !req
1295. Earl!Copy !req
1296. This is it!
You've gone too far!Copy !req
1297. You've leaked
the unleakable secretCopy !req
1298. because you hold nothing sacred.Copy !req
1299. 'Cause you're a dickhead!Copy !req
1300. The foundation of anyCopy !req
1301. good working partnership
is trust...Copy !req
1302. and I can no longer
trust you in any way.Copy !req
1303. You'll leak anything to anyone.Copy !req
1304. It's like working
with Julian Assange.Copy !req
1305. Assangde. Ass-andge.
Damn it!Copy !req
1306. The hell you want?Copy !req
1307. Just waiting for Earl.
Awright, awright.Copy !req
1308. Whassup, boy?
You gonna come in?Copy !req
1309. So, Rachel told me that
you told her about the, uh...Copy !req
1310. about the film
that we're making for her.Copy !req
1311. You're like Julian Assange, man.Copy !req
1312. It's like you always do this...Copy !req
1313. I don't know,
'cause you, like,Copy !req
1314. wanna be a better friend
than me or something?Copy !req
1315. I don't know if I can
work with you againCopy !req
1316. after you sell me out
like a dick!Copy !req
1317. Oh, okay. Watch out, yo.Copy !req
1318. Hey, yo,
shut your ass up, man!Copy !req
1319. Like you care so much about
what other people think,Copy !req
1320. boy, you go around here...Copy !req
1321. kissin' everybody ass,Copy !req
1322. Look, nobody
gives a shit about you, Greg!Copy !req
1323. All right? Nobody give a shit!Copy !req
1324. Whoop his ass!Copy !req
1325. And then the one girl
who do actually care about you...Copy !req
1326. you wanna come
over here andCopy !req
1327. bitch and whine
about some films, yo? Huh?Copy !req
1328. Because somebody
actually cares about you?Copy !req
1329. Like, damn,
I'm so tired of youCopy !req
1330. treating this girl
like she a burden.Copy !req
1331. You know,
her life is over after this!Copy !req
1332. And you want to come over hereCopy !req
1333. bitchin' and whinin' about
some irrelevant bullshit!Copy !req
1334. Like, yo, you so close to me
knocking your shit loose right now, son!Copy !req
1335. Go for it!Copy !req
1336. Yeah, I don't care!
You want me to hit you now?Copy !req
1337. Yeah, Earl, I want you to!Copy !req
1338. That's right! Jack that
little dude up there!Copy !req
1339. See, Greg?Copy !req
1340. You lucky that was him
and not me out there...Copy !req
1341. 'cause I'd have been
whooping your ass up and down this street.Copy !req
1342. It'd have been a ass-whoopin'
fest around here, you dig?Copy !req
1343. So what's the status
on the 20-pager on Nixon?Copy !req
1344. Uh, I need another extension.Copy !req
1345. That might prove difficult...Copy !req
1346. seeing how it's the...Copy !req
1347. the end of the quarter
and all.Copy !req
1348. Yeah, I've just been busy.Copy !req
1349. You know, I heard...Copy !req
1350. about Rachel.Copy !req
1351. How you holding up?Copy !req
1352. You know...Copy !req
1353. not great.Copy !req
1354. You know, my dad died
when I was 15, Greg.Copy !req
1355. A couple years
younger than you.Copy !req
1356. You know, the thing is that,
when I was a kid...Copy !req
1357. I really,
I really can only rememberCopy !req
1358. thinking about him as this...Copy !req
1359. you know, big,
kind of like asshole guy.Copy !req
1360. At his wake,
these buddies of hisCopy !req
1361. kept coming up to me...Copy !req
1362. and telling me
these stories about him.Copy !req
1363. And it was like
they were talking aboutCopy !req
1364. some complete other guy.Copy !req
1365. To give you an example.Copy !req
1366. He knew every single
European pop songCopy !req
1367. from the 1970s.Copy !req
1368. He'd memorize these songs,Copy !req
1369. and he'd do that
so he could go...Copy !req
1370. and sing them
to German girls in bars.Copy !req
1371. He had a go-to,Copy !req
1372. his number one
go-to song. It was a...Copy !req
1373. It was a Dutch song.
It was called Ding-a-Dong.Copy !req
1374. My dad used to sing that
to German girls in bars.Copy !req
1375. That's a fact.Copy !req
1376. So what does that mean?Copy !req
1377. Well, Greg, I think that
it just means that...Copy !req
1378. even after somebody dies,
you can...Copy !req
1379. you can still
keep learning about them.Copy !req
1380. You know, their life.Copy !req
1381. It can keep unfolding
itself to you just as long...Copy !req
1382. just as long as
you pay attention to it.Copy !req
1383. Are you seriously
trying to turn thisCopy !req
1384. into some stupid sappy lesson?Copy !req
1385. You're a good kid, Greg.Copy !req
1386. No! Look, I'm going home.Copy !req
1387. See, I'm cutting class
right in front of you. 'Kay?Copy !req
1388. I'm not a good kid. I'm not.Copy !req
1389. Okay.Copy !req
1390. Earl came by earlier
to drop something off...Copy !req
1391. but he turned down
this superbCopy !req
1392. Andouille rabbit sausage...Copy !req
1393. which is quite unlike him.Copy !req
1394. Is everything all right?Copy !req
1395. Buddy?Copy !req
1396. We tried
a lot of different waysCopy !req
1397. of making a film for you...Copy !req
1398. but they were all
too goofy or irrelevant...Copy !req
1399. or just not what we wanted.Copy !req
1400. So, now I'm gonna
talk to you directly.Copy !req
1401. Um...Copy !req
1402. All right, I'm gonna be
honest here. Okay?Copy !req
1403. Sometimes, white girls
are particularly stupid.Copy !req
1404. I mean, everybody's stupid,
but white girls, you know...Copy !req
1405. They think
they better than everybodyCopy !req
1406. and self-centered
and pretend they not.Copy !req
1407. But...Copy !req
1408. you aren't like that,
you know. Um...Copy !req
1409. It's just crazy
how patient you've been.Copy !req
1410. You know, I know if it was me
that had cancer, uh...Copy !req
1411. I'd be upset and angryCopy !req
1412. and trying to beat
everybody's ass half the time.Copy !req
1413. So I'm just, I'm just amazed
at how patient you've been.Copy !req
1414. You, you make me feel blessed.Copy !req
1415. By Michael Powell
and Emeric Pressburger.Copy !req
1416. I think, ultimately,
what one has to understandCopy !req
1417. watching this film...Copy !req
1418. it's a very special
piece of filmmaking.Copy !req
1419. Oh.Copy !req
1420. Are you eating lunch
in here still?Copy !req
1421. Not if you are.Copy !req
1422. Well, I'm not eating
lunch in here if you are.Copy !req
1423. Good,
'cause I like it in here.Copy !req
1424. So I guess I could just go.Copy !req
1425. Or you could go.Copy !req
1426. No, I like
the air-conditioner.Copy !req
1427. And I like
the comfortable chair.Copy !req
1428. Yeah, I like those too.Copy !req
1429. Sounds like your damn problem.Copy !req
1430. Which showed
one film per week...Copy !req
1431. twice a night,
and three times on Saturday.Copy !req
1432. In a way,
Tales of Hoffmann is...Copy !req
1433. the culmination of
Powell-Pressburger's work...Copy !req
1434. with what they call
the composed film.Copy !req
1435. Hey!Copy !req
1436. Can I talk to you
about the movie?Copy !req
1437. Um...Copy !req
1438. Yeah, it's not done yet.Copy !req
1439. Greg, you guys
have been working on itCopy !req
1440. for like four months.Copy !req
1441. Yeah, well...Copy !req
1442. I don't know,
we tried a bunch of stuffCopy !req
1443. and it just...Copy !req
1444. didn't really work.Copy !req
1445. It's not that good.Copy !req
1446. Greg!Copy !req
1447. Now is not the time for your
"I'm Greg, I suck,Copy !req
1448. "nothing I do
is any good" thing.Copy !req
1449. I'm sure what you have
is awesomeCopy !req
1450. and I think she would
really benefit...Copy !req
1451. if you just got it done
and gave it to her.Copy !req
1452. Madison,
she stopped treatment.Copy !req
1453. She gave up.Copy !req
1454. She quit.Copy !req
1455. Well, I guess
that's a really good reasonCopy !req
1456. to just finish
the fucking movie.Copy !req
1457. And give it to her.Copy !req
1458. But whatever.Copy !req
1459. Honey?Copy !req
1460. What?Copy !req
1461. Rachel's back
in the hospital, honey.Copy !req
1462. Wait, is she starting
treatment again?Copy !req
1463. It's not for treatment, honey.Copy !req
1464. Oh.Copy !req
1465. Mom, what?Copy !req
1466. Well, I thought
we could go and...Copy !req
1467. To force me
to hang out with her?Copy !req
1468. Greg, come on.Copy !req
1469. Don't worry, Mom,
I'm sure you can findCopy !req
1470. another girl with cancer
after Rachel dies.Copy !req
1471. Which, by the way...Copy !req
1472. she's decided to do.Copy !req
1473. She's just decided to die...Copy !req
1474. so maybe I can decide
not to visit her.Copy !req
1475. I promise you,
you will regret that...Copy !req
1476. if you don't visit her.Copy !req
1477. You'll regret it
for the rest of your life.Copy !req
1478. Mom, that's probably true.Copy !req
1479. But honestly,
I have a shitload of thingsCopy !req
1480. to regret right now.Copy !req
1481. I regret not having a date
for tomorrow's stupid prom.Copy !req
1482. I regret being too weird
to make friends.Copy !req
1483. I definitely regret makingCopy !req
1484. all those shitty films
with Earl.Copy !req
1485. And I assume you saw the email
I got today, from Pitt?Copy !req
1486. Oh, no? You didn't see itCopy !req
1487. while you're going though
all my shit? Here.Copy !req
1488. Have a look.Copy !req
1489. I'm definitely gonna regretCopy !req
1490. doing literally
no school work this year!Copy !req
1491. Oh, my God, Greg.Copy !req
1492. I know. Admission rescinded,Copy !req
1493. due to significant change
in my academic record.Copy !req
1494. Oh, well,
no college next year.Copy !req
1495. I guess I'll just be home,
which sucks for you...Copy !req
1496. because it's gonna be
so hard for youCopy !req
1497. to go through all my stuff.Copy !req
1498. Can you just do me a favor
right now, Mom?Copy !req
1499. Just leave me alone. Okay?Copy !req
1500. Just let me sit here
and regret stuff.Copy !req
1501. I'm just gonna think aboutCopy !req
1502. all the things
that I've ever done...Copy !req
1503. and all the things
I haven't doneCopy !req
1504. and just regret the living shit out of it.
Okay?Copy !req
1505. All the deadlines
have passed, Victor.Copy !req
1506. What's he gonna do next year?Copy !req
1507. He's just gonna
waste the year?Copy !req
1508. He is grieving, honey.Copy !req
1509. You have to let him grieve.Copy !req
1510. But I can't just sit byCopy !req
1511. and just let him
ruin his life.Copy !req
1512. The universe does not operateCopy !req
1513. according to a college deadline!Copy !req
1514. Can I ask you something?Copy !req
1515. Nope.Copy !req
1516. No. It's not what you think.Copy !req
1517. It's just that
prom is tonight and...Copy !req
1518. Let me ask you something.
What is this?Copy !req
1519. What is up
with the arm touching?Copy !req
1520. Are you just being friendly,Copy !req
1521. or is this some
calculated maneuver...Copy !req
1522. to get me to do
whatever you want?Copy !req
1523. 'Cause you have to understandCopy !req
1524. what it does
when a beautiful, sexy...Copy !req
1525. otherwise
thoughtful girl...Copy !req
1526. touches the arm
of a scrawny, pastyCopy !req
1527. groundhog-faced kid.Copy !req
1528. It's an act of cruelty.Copy !req
1529. Are you done?Copy !req
1530. Yeah. Yeah, I'm done.Copy !req
1531. I'm done with you.Copy !req
1532. I'm done
with this stupid film.Copy !req
1533. All right? I'm done.Copy !req
1534. Yo! But you ain't
done with me!Copy !req
1535. I'm back for my revengeCopy !req
1536. Stab you in the dickCopy !req
1537. Pardon my FrenchCopy !req
1538. Really? You're gonna stab me
in the dick? Go ahead.Copy !req
1539. Stab me in the dick.Copy !req
1540. Just no rapping.
Okay? All right?Copy !req
1541. I'll break your eyeballCopy !req
1542. with a fist I got clenchedCopy !req
1543. Shove your body
under another benchCopy !req
1544. Stop rapping!Copy !req
1545. Knock your teeth out
with the fist I got clenchedCopy !req
1546. I can't do this if you're
gonna rap the whole time.Copy !req
1547. Aw!Copy !req
1548. Break it up!Copy !req
1549. Earl!Copy !req
1550. Break it up! Break it up!Copy !req
1551. I thought you were
eating lunchCopy !req
1552. in Mr. McCarthy's office.Copy !req
1553. Man, I was,
but he all sad talkingCopy !req
1554. about German music and shit.Copy !req
1555. That's boring as hell, man.Copy !req
1556. I'm surprised and disappointed
to see you two fighting.Copy !req
1557. And, Phillip,
I'm surprised and disappointedCopy !req
1558. to see you
back on school grounds...Copy !req
1559. after being expelled!Copy !req
1560. All right, man.Copy !req
1561. Please leave the premises.Copy !req
1562. Back to class.Copy !req
1563. Let's go!Copy !req
1564. Maxwell, Ryan, Soledad,Copy !req
1565. stop gawking and start walking!Copy !req
1566. Greg!Copy !req
1567. Yo, babe!
You see me pummel this bitch?Copy !req
1568. Come on and keep walkingCopy !req
1569. 'fore I can whoop
that ass again, man.Copy !req
1570. Madison, what?Copy !req
1571. Come to prom with me.Copy !req
1572. I know the whole
movie situationCopy !req
1573. was really difficult for you...Copy !req
1574. and I kind of feel like
it was my fault.Copy !req
1575. So I just kind of wanted toCopy !req
1576. make it up to you
a little bit.Copy !req
1577. Is this a pity date?Copy !req
1578. No.Copy !req
1579. No, it's not a pity date.Copy !req
1580. Greg, just come
to prom with me.Copy !req
1581. I think we'd have a good time.Copy !req
1582. Told you you would get a date.Copy !req
1583. Yep.Copy !req
1584. So you're welcome.
For the tux and everything.Copy !req
1585. Thanks, Mom.Copy !req
1586. I'm very upset
about this college thing.Copy !req
1587. But your father and I can waitCopy !req
1588. till you're ready
to talk about it.Copy !req
1589. I appreciate that.Copy !req
1590. Don't forget your corsage.Copy !req
1591. All right.Copy !req
1592. My handsome boy...Copy !req
1593. going to prom.Copy !req
1594. Take lots of pictures, okay?Copy !req
1595. 302 Halket Street.Copy !req
1596. What's that?Copy !req
1597. I said 302 Halket Street.Copy !req
1598. Huh?Copy !req
1599. 302 Halket Street.Copy !req
1600. Halket? Okay.
Okay.Copy !req
1601. You got it, baby.Copy !req
1602. So you love this girl?Copy !req
1603. Uh, no.
I wouldn't go that far.Copy !req
1604. What?Copy !req
1605. No. I... No.Copy !req
1606. Yeah, so you guys
are gonna be getting busyCopy !req
1607. on my brand new Tuscan leather?Copy !req
1608. No. I think...
Huh?Copy !req
1609. No, we're not.
I don't think so.Copy !req
1610. Nah, I'm just
playing with you.Copy !req
1611. But I do hope you get some.Copy !req
1612. It's really gonna depend
on what she wants to do.Copy !req
1613. If you really love her,
though,Copy !req
1614. you definitely got a shot.Copy !req
1615. Because she'll know.Copy !req
1616. She is fine though?Copy !req
1617. Huh?Copy !req
1618. Hey.Copy !req
1619. I know, I look amazing.Copy !req
1620. Can I put some flowers on you?Copy !req
1621. Like that.Copy !req
1622. Okay.Copy !req
1623. Before we watch this...Copy !req
1624. I'm sorry
it took so long to make.Copy !req
1625. But the reason is...Copy !req
1626. just couldn't figure out
how to get it to not suck.Copy !req
1627. But... we never really
did figure it out.Copy !req
1628. It still sucks.Copy !req
1629. It's not exactly
what I wanted to say to you.Copy !req
1630. But...Copy !req
1631. whatever.Copy !req
1632. Let's just
watch this first, okay?Copy !req
1633. Hey, should I get a nurse?Copy !req
1634. Denise! Denise!Copy !req
1635. That was the last time
I saw Rachel.Copy !req
1636. She went into a coma
shortly after that,Copy !req
1637. and died about 10 hours later.Copy !req
1638. I know I told you
she doesn't die.Copy !req
1639. And I'm sorry.Copy !req
1640. Deep down...Copy !req
1641. somehow,
I didn't think she would.Copy !req
1642. But she did.Copy !req
1643. Dear Greg,
I heard what happenedCopy !req
1644. with your class work.Copy !req
1645. And with Pitt State.Copy !req
1646. So, I wrote them a letter,Copy !req
1647. trying to convince them
to let you back in.Copy !req
1648. There's a copy in here,
if you want to read it.Copy !req
1649. Hopefully, it works,
because that would mean...Copy !req
1650. I have powers
from beyond the grave.Copy !req
1651. But you should probably
send them something too.Copy !req
1652. Goodbye, Greg.
You're a good friend.Copy !req
1653. Although if you don't
go to college,Copy !req
1654. you're also an idiot.Copy !req
1655. But you already knew that.Copy !req
1656. Love, Rachel.Copy !req
1657. I'd also like for you
to take some of my pillows.Copy !req
1658. They'll want a good home
where they'll be loved.Copy !req
1659. Not in the way you're thinking,Copy !req
1660. that's disgusting.Copy !req
1661. Dear Pittsburgh
State Admissions:Copy !req
1662. I'm writing
on behalf of someoneCopy !req
1663. who gave me
half a year of his life...Copy !req
1664. at the time when I was atCopy !req
1665. my most difficult to be around.Copy !req
1666. He has a very
low opinion of himself,Copy !req
1667. which is why
I think it's necessary...Copy !req
1668. that you hear from someoneCopy !req
1669. who sees him
as he actually is:Copy !req
1670. A limitlessly kind,
sweet, giving,Copy !req
1671. and genuine person.Copy !req
1672. No matter how much
he would deny it.Copy !req
1673. The drop in his academic
performance this year...Copy !req
1674. is the consequence
of all the timeCopy !req
1675. and the time he spent
making things for me...Copy !req
1676. and how hard
that was for him.Copy !req
1677. You can ask him about it...Copy !req
1678. but his sort of
over-the-top humilityCopy !req
1679. will probably get in the way.Copy !req
1680. No one has done more
to make me smile than he has.Copy !req
1681. And no one ever could.Copy !req
1682. Rachel's ashes were scatteredCopy !req
1683. in a park behind her house.Copy !req
1684. Apparently, she ran away
from home onceCopy !req
1685. and tried to live there.Copy !req
1686. It was this story
her aunt told at the funeral.Copy !req
1687. She was trying
to become a squirrel.Copy !req
1688. She thought she could
turn into oneCopy !req
1689. just by being in the forest...Copy !req
1690. and wanting it really bad.Copy !req
1691. I guess maybe that's
what Mr. McCarthy meant...Copy !req
1692. about someone's life
continuing to unfold.Copy !req
1693. It was weird to be
learning something newCopy !req
1694. about Rachel after she died.Copy !req
1695. But somehow,
it was reassuring as well.Copy !req