1. Oh, you're wearing the glasses.
Do it.Copy !req
2. - T.S., there's something...
- What, people around? I don't care.Copy !req
3. Come on, do it for me once. Please.Copy !req
4. - Please.
- Oh...Copy !req
5. Lois, I come from a planet
very far from here.Copy !req
6. A planet called... Krypton.Copy !req
7. Brandi Svenning, come on down,
I'm taking you off to Florida.Copy !req
8. Let's go, let's go. Where's your luggage?
Come on, the plane leaves in an hour.Copy !req
9. T.S., did you see Julie Dwyer last night?Copy !req
10. Uh... yeah, yeah.
I saw her at the video store.Copy !req
11. She was talking about being
on your dad's stupid game show.Copy !req
12. - Oh, my God, he's not here, is he?
- Yeah, he's inside.Copy !req
13. T.S., did you tell her that every time
you're on TV, you look 10lbs heavier?Copy !req
14. Uh... yeah, well, I told her that
the way TV shows are shot sometimesCopy !req
15. makes you look a lot fatter
than you are in real life.Copy !req
16. Why, what did she do,
call up and cancel?Copy !req
17. No, not exactly.Copy !req
18. T.S., you know that Julie had
a huge weight problem in school.Copy !req
19. She had the fattest rear.Copy !req
20. And when you said that to her,Copy !req
21. she went straight out to the YMCA
and started doing laps,Copy !req
22. because she wanted to be fit
for the show tonight,Copy !req
23. and well...Copy !req
24. in the middle of her 700th lap,Copy !req
25. this embolism popped in her brain
and she dropped dead.Copy !req
26. Right in mid-backstroke.Copy !req
27. And then her sister told her parents
why she was doing all the laps,Copy !req
28. and it got back to my father and...Copy !req
29. Gee, T.S., he's really miffed at you.Copy !req
30. I mean, it's awful about Julie's death,Copy !req
31. and now, he doesn't even have
a female contestant for his show.Copy !req
32. - Can't you calm him down or something?
- Well, I've done that.Copy !req
33. - Thank God. How?
- I told him I'd do the show.Copy !req
34. Oh, good. What?Copy !req
35. Wait a minute. No, no, no.
We're leaving for Florida.Copy !req
36. T.S., I can't go, I've got to stay here.Copy !req
37. No, I've got something planned
for Florida. No, we've gotta go.Copy !req
38. But, T.S., I'm doing this to get you
out of trouble with my father.Copy !req
39. Help him out of a bind,
which, you know, you kind of...Copy !req
40. Well, at least a little responsible for.Copy !req
41. I bet he's as happy as a pig in slop
that you're not going away with me.Copy !req
42. Are you kidding?
He's absolutely devastated about Julie.Copy !req
43. I can't believe you!
Brandi, the guy hates me.Copy !req
44. You know, I bet he sees this tragedy
as an excellent opportunityCopy !req
45. as a way to keep you
from going away with me.Copy !req
46. Would you calm down?
I mean, you're being a complete ass.Copy !req
47. Sometimes, I almost forget
that you're such a daddy's girl.Copy !req
48. - It makes me sick.
- Oh...Copy !req
49. Well, you know what I think is sick?Copy !req
50. This relationship.Copy !req
51. Brandi, come on, I thought
we weren't going to go throughCopy !req
52. this make-up, break-up stuff anymore.Copy !req
53. Yeah, well, you can just forget
about making up.Copy !req
54. You know, you are exactly
like my father.Copy !req
55. It's always about what you need,
what you've got planned,Copy !req
56. screw everybody else,
my stuff's more important.Copy !req
57. You're as thoughtless
and self-absorbed as he is.Copy !req
58. In fact, the two of you have
so much in common,Copy !req
59. I think you should date each other.Copy !req
60. Brandi, Brandi, wait!Copy !req
61. Geez, for crying out loud,
would you knock it off?Copy !req
62. - God!
- What?Copy !req
63. - What time is it?
- 9:30.Copy !req
64. Man, go back to sleep!Copy !req
65. - What the heck are you doing?
- Finishing my game.Copy !req
66. - No. You promised me breakfast.
- Breakfast?Copy !req
67. Breakfast, shmeckfast.
Look at the score, for God's sake.Copy !req
68. I'm only in the middle of the second
and I'm winning 12 to 2.Copy !req
69. Breakfasts come and go, Rene.Copy !req
70. Now Hartford, the Whale?Copy !req
71. They only beat Vancouver once,
maybe twice, in a lifetime.Copy !req
72. You hit the bathroom already?Copy !req
73. Don't worry.
I didn't let your mother see me.Copy !req
74. - Who's worried?
- Are you kidding me?Copy !req
75. I've never met a person who lives
in as much fear of his mother as you do.Copy !req
76. I do not.Copy !req
77. So that's why I have to sneak in hereCopy !req
78. after everyone's asleep at night and
sneak out undetected in the morning?Copy !req
79. You want I should tell my mother
what we do in here at night?Copy !req
80. That you play videogames
and I fall asleep unfulfilled?Copy !req
81. Go ahead.
It beats the sneaking-around stuff.Copy !req
82. What can I say?
She doesn't like you.Copy !req
83. You've never even
introduced me to her.Copy !req
84. Yeah, 'cause you're always
in the bathroom, alright?Copy !req
85. What do you do in there all the time?Copy !req
86. You really wanna know?Copy !req
87. I asked, didn't I? I'm playing the role
of the concerned guy.Copy !req
88. I Cry-Copy !req
89. - YOU Cry?
- I cry.Copy !req
90. Any particular reason?Copy !req
91. Hey!Copy !req
92. I think about the people that make
decisions that affect our lives.Copy !req
93. The doctors who make
advancements in curing diseases.Copy !req
94. The engineer that designs skyscrapers.Copy !req
95. The guy that maps out
a plane's flight path.Copy !req
96. The navigator.Copy !req
97. I think about how those people
are out there every dayCopy !req
98. making a difference,
leading big lives...Copy !req
99. and how they refuse to be intimidatedCopy !req
100. by the tremendous odds
of failure they face.Copy !req
101. And how they only concern themselvesCopy !req
102. with peers and company that apply
to their goals and noble causes.Copy !req
103. I'd hate to tell you what I think about
when I'm in the bathroom.Copy !req
104. I think about all that and I cry...Copy !req
105. because I have nothing better to do
than fool around with you.Copy !req
106. You're dumping me?Copy !req
107. Is this because I didn't introduce you
to my mother?Copy !req
108. You're a fickle broad, man.Copy !req
109. Holy snot!
If it isn't mon frére.Copy !req
110. Usual vault rules apply:
touch not, lest ye be touched.Copy !req
111. You're such an anal-retentive idiot.Copy !req
112. I tried to teach you how to handle
comics in the sixth grade, but no,Copy !req
113. you wanted to play
Little League instead.Copy !req
114. - What's that?
- Like it? I framed it before you got here.Copy !req
115. Oh, my God! Rene dumped you.Copy !req
116. Hell hath no fury
like a woman scorned for Sega.Copy !req
117. Wow! Look at this laundry list
of complaints.Copy !req
118. You have no direction,
no college ambition, no job prospects.Copy !req
119. Yeah. It also says I have no depth.Copy !req
120. But you'll notice that follows
the financial question,Copy !req
121. proving once more
what women really look for.Copy !req
122. - Wow, she calls you callow in here.
- You say that like it's bad.Copy !req
123. - It means frightened and weak-willed.
- Really?Copy !req
124. That was the only part of the letter
I thought was complimentary.Copy !req
125. Yeah, well, you're lucky.Copy !req
126. Unlike you, I didn't even get a letter
filled with obscure adjectives.Copy !req
127. What are you telling me here?Copy !req
128. I, too, now am in the framing business.Copy !req
129. - Holy snot! Brandi dumped you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
130. Wait a second, aren't you two
supposed to go to Florida?Copy !req
131. Should've left this morning.
It gets worse.Copy !req
132. - I was gonna propose to her.
- Where?Copy !req
133. - On the Universal tour.
- You're kidding! What part?Copy !req
134. When Jaws pops out of the water.Copy !req
135. That's the most romantic thing
I've ever heard.Copy !req
136. Too bad I'm not trying to marry you.Copy !req
137. Let me ask you something.
Did you ever vomit in front of her?Copy !req
138. - Why do you ask?Copy !req
139. I never vomited in front of Rene,
not once, alright?Copy !req
140. Then last week, I got sick.
Today she dumps me.Copy !req
141. You think that that's why
Rene dumped you?Copy !req
142. She's not the shallow type, Brodie.Copy !req
143. - She was fooling around with me at the time.
- Shut up!Copy !req
144. What can I say?
I was feeling very relaxed.Copy !req
145. When I'm relaxed, I'm sick.Copy !req
146. If all she did was dump you,
you got off light.Copy !req
147. I can't believe this stuff.Copy !req
148. Why are we sitting here
trying to figure outCopy !req
149. where we went wrong
with our significant others?Copy !req
150. We just nailed it, in your case.Copy !req
151. No, there is something out there that can
help ease our simultaneous double loss.Copy !req
152. - Ritual suicide?
- No, you idiot. The Valley mall!Copy !req
153. I prefer ritual suicide.Copy !req
154. Come on, man! It'll be great. They got
these new cookies at the cookie stand.Copy !req
155. You have to try them,
they're awesome.Copy !req
156. I don't know what you're so mad about.
She'll get over it before the day's out.Copy !req
157. Darn it. What is my problem?Copy !req
158. I was this close to reconciliation
and I blew up at her.Copy !req
159. And why am I going
to the Valley mall of all places?Copy !req
160. As a matter of fact, no, I'm not,
I'm going home.Copy !req
161. Look, the safest place for you to be
right now is the mall.Copy !req
162. Nobody will think to look for you here.
Hide in plain sight.Copy !req
163. Just shut up. This is all your fault
this happened anyway,Copy !req
164. you and your 15 minutes of fame.Copy !req
165. Get a grip, for God's sake.Copy !req
166. Did you ever stop to think the relationship
wasn't on firm ground to begin with?Copy !req
167. Hey!Copy !req
168. I love the smell of commerce
in the morning!Copy !req
169. - You're really making that last.
- Waste not, want not.Copy !req
170. - What, you wanna say something?
- Yeah, about a million things!Copy !req
171. But I can't express myself monosyllabically
enough for you to understand them all.Copy !req
172. - Airhead!
- Geek!Copy !req
173. - What was that all about?
- He's a jerk from Fashionable Male.Copy !req
174. This upscale wannabe shop
on the 2nd floor.Copy !req
175. He's the manager.
The guy's always giving me grief.Copy !req
176. - I've no idea why.
- I thought everybody loved you at this mall.Copy !req
177. Except him.Copy !req
178. - Where do you wanna go first?
- Back to Brandi's.Copy !req
179. Look, Brandi is the past, my friend.
She's behind you now.Copy !req
180. You face forward, or you face
the possibility of shock and damage.Copy !req
181. You should learn
to heed your own advice.Copy !req
182. Where the heck did that come from?
What's going on here?Copy !req
183. Looks like a stage is being erected.Copy !req
184. - What is this monstrosity?
- Maybe it's for the Easter Bunny pictures.Copy !req
185. Impossible! The Easter Bunny Court
is down at the other end of the mall.Copy !req
186. It's been up since two days
after Christmas. I want answers.Copy !req
187. Ask one of the workers.Copy !req
188. No, no, no, there's a soul
who might know what's up.Copy !req
189. Willam.Copy !req
190. - Willam!
- Ooh, boobie trap!Copy !req
191. Brodie, man, what's going on?Copy !req
192. - What, do you work here now?
- No, man. Just hanging with T.S.Copy !req
193. - Oh, T.S.
- Willam, what exactly are you doing?Copy !req
194. Looking for the hidden picture.Copy !req
195. If you stare at these things long enough,
you're supposed to seeCopy !req
196. some kind of hidden
three-dimensional picture.Copy !req
197. - Oh, yeah, look. It's a sailboat.
- You saw it, too? Darn it!Copy !req
198. I've been staring at this thing for a weekCopy !req
199. from opening till closing
and I can't see a gosh darned thing!Copy !req
200. - You gotta relax your eyes.
- Everyone sees this thing except me.Copy !req
201. Today's my day.
I brought a lunch and a sodaCopy !req
202. and I'm not gonna leave until I see
this sailboat everyone keeps talking about.Copy !req
203. So, Willam,Copy !req
204. would you happen to know
what this stage business is all about?Copy !req
205. It's not a stage!Copy !req
206. I'm gonna see it
if I have to go blind trying.Copy !req
207. No, man, this stage over here.Copy !req
208. Oh, that thing? They're having
some game show in the mall today.Copy !req
209. I think it's going to be on TV.
It's called Truth or Date or something.Copy !req
210. Oh, my God!
That's Brandi's father's game show.Copy !req
211. - What is it?
- A cheesy Dating Game rip-off thing.Copy !req
212. Supposed to be for college kids.Copy !req
213. Just trying to capture the '90s youth
market with a staple of '70s television.Copy !req
214. Man, why can't they bring back or remake
good shows like "BJ and the Bear"?Copy !req
215. Now there's a concept I can't get
enough of: a man and his monkey.Copy !req
216. Would you guys shut up?Copy !req
217. - You're breaking my concentration.
- Sorry, Willam.Copy !req
218. Now I have to start all over again.Copy !req
219. - Good luck with that thing.
- Remember, relax your eyes.Copy !req
220. - Wow, a sailboat!
- Shut up!Copy !req
221. Could this week
get any worse?Copy !req
222. Now she's going to be auctioned off
on live TV from a mall.Copy !req
223. Not "a" mall, alright?
"The" mall. Show some respect.Copy !req
224. It doesn't have to go down like that,
if we trash the thing.Copy !req
225. There's a unique way of getting back
in her good graces,Copy !req
226. by ruining her father's show.Copy !req
227. - You're a clever one.
- I can get someone to do it for us.Copy !req
228. We'll be blame-free and
Brandi won't be able to do the show.Copy !req
229. - Who is this imaginary hatchet man?
- Hatchet men.Copy !req
230. Knock it off!Copy !req
231. - Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
- Hey, Jay!Copy !req
232. Brodie, man!
Nootchie nootchies!Copy !req
233. And look at this man.
The mad, fat, chick-killer.Copy !req
234. I can't believe how fast
word travels in this town.Copy !req
235. Excellent.
What's he doing?Copy !req
236. Meathead here watched
"Empire" and "Jedi" last week,Copy !req
237. and ever since, he's been trying
to do the Jedi mind trick.Copy !req
238. Crazy dude thinks he'll levitate things
with his thoughts. Knock it off!Copy !req
239. - The Force is strong with this one.
- Dude, don't encourage him.Copy !req
240. So I was telling T.S. here
we gotta find Jay and Silent Bob.Copy !req
241. If there's anyone that can help us out,Copy !req
242. it's the two guys that have
even less to do than us.Copy !req
243. What is this stuff?
Everyone's looking for us today.Copy !req
244. We're ducking Tricia 'cause she wants
to talk to Obi-Wan about her video set-up.Copy !req
245. - Why him?
- Silent Bob's an electrical genius.Copy !req
246. He won the science fair in eighth grade
by turning his mom's blenderCopy !req
247. into a CD player,
using chicken wire and string.Copy !req
248. This guy's like MacGyver.
No, this guy's better than MacGyver!Copy !req
249. Knock it off!Copy !req
250. And it's that kind of smarts we need,
right, mopey?Copy !req
251. Leave me out of this.Copy !req
252. We need you to embark on a little sabotage
mission on behalf of T.S.'s love life.Copy !req
253. Stage dive!Copy !req
254. You know about this game show thing
they got going on here?Copy !req
255. We need you guys to somehow
ensure that it doesn't happen.Copy !req
256. Is that it?
We were gonna do that anyway.Copy !req
257. - Really? Why?
- What else are we gonna do?Copy !req
258. Silent Bob just stole the schematic
of the stage from some foolish carpenterCopy !req
259. and found a weakness,
just like the freaking Death Star.Copy !req
260. He figures if you pull this crossbeam out,Copy !req
261. freaking bickety-bam,
the whole stage comes crashing down.Copy !req
262. We were thinking
about something simple,Copy !req
263. but if you want to destroy the stage,
we're all for that.Copy !req
264. - Only problem is LaFours.
- Who's LaFours?Copy !req
265. You don't know who LaFours is?
They don't know who LaFours is.Copy !req
266. LaFours is only the most feared
security guard in the business, man.Copy !req
267. 460 collars, all convicted.
I hear he's even got two kills.Copy !req
268. I never thought I'd see the dayCopy !req
269. when two such highly reputable
mischief-makers as yourselvesCopy !req
270. douse their drawers at the sight
of a mall security guard.Copy !req
271. Gee, bud! We're gonna bust out
that stage like a high-school kegger.Copy !req
272. We're just gonna outwit LaFours
X-Men style.Copy !req
273. Should I call you Logan, Weapon X?Copy !req
274. No, Wolverine!
Snicky, Snicky, Snoine.Copy !req
275. What he's doing is imitating Wolverine's
berserker attack with his Adamantium claws.Copy !req
276. - I never would've guessed.
- Alright, guys. You have your mission.Copy !req
277. - Go forth and wreak havoc.
- Bye, baby kitties.Copy !req
278. Hey, Silent Bob, show some heart.Copy !req
279. Psst, psst, psst.Copy !req
280. That's better. We're on the job.Copy !req
281. I have to admit I'm shocked
you didn't try to dissuade them.Copy !req
282. I would if I actually thought
for a second they could pull it off.Copy !req
283. Ye of little faith! Want a cookie?Copy !req
284. What's he doing?Copy !req
285. Well, if you stare at this poster for
a few seconds, a hidden picture appears.Copy !req
286. Can we do it? Please?Copy !req
287. Alright, go ahead,
but hurry, the Easter Bunny's waiting.Copy !req
288. Wow, it's a schooner!Copy !req
289. It's not a schooner, it's a sailboat.Copy !req
290. A schooner is a sailboat, stupidhead.Copy !req
291. You know what?
There is no Easter Bunny!Copy !req
292. Over there is just a guy in a suit!Copy !req
293. - But they're engaged.
- It doesn't matter, it can't happen.Copy !req
294. - Why not? It's bound to come up.
- It's impossible.Copy !req
295. Lois could never have
Superman's baby.Copy !req
296. Do you think her faithful fans
could handle the shock?Copy !req
297. I guarantee he blows her mind
just like a rocket when it's in orbit.Copy !req
298. What about her womb? Do you think
it's strong enough to carry his child?Copy !req
299. - Sure. Why not?
- He's an alien, for Pete's sake!Copy !req
300. His Kryptonian biological makeup
is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun.Copy !req
301. If Lois gets a tan, the kid could
kick right through her stomach.Copy !req
302. Only someone like Wonder Woman has
a strong enough uterus to carry his kid.Copy !req
303. The only way he could be with regular
chicks is with a Kryptonite condom.Copy !req
304. But that would kill him.Copy !req
305. How did I go from the verge
of hot Floridian sex with BrandiCopy !req
306. to Man of Steel coital debates
with you in the food court?Copy !req
307. Cookie stand is not part
of the food court.Copy !req
308. Of course it is.Copy !req
309. The food court is downstairs,
the cookie stand is upstairs.Copy !req
310. It's not like we're talking
quantum physics here.Copy !req
311. The cookie stand counts as an eatery,
the eatery's a part of the food court.Copy !req
312. Bullsnot! Eateries that operate within
the designated square downstairsCopy !req
313. qualify as food court, anything
outside of said designated squareCopy !req
314. is considered an autonomous unit
for mid-mall snacking.Copy !req
315. Now if you're gonna wax intellectual
about the subject...Copy !req
316. Holy snot!Copy !req
317. - Wait here.
- Where are you going?Copy !req
318. Cherchez la femme.Copy !req
319. That would look terrible on you.Copy !req
320. Didn't I dump your butt this morning?Copy !req
321. Look, I know you've had some time
to think about the mistake you've made,Copy !req
322. and I just want to let you know
you don't have to apologize.Copy !req
323. I'm sure you were just
PMSing or something.Copy !req
324. Brodie, what kills me about you
is your inability to functionCopy !req
325. on the same plane of existence
as the rest of us.Copy !req
326. Buzz off.Copy !req
327. Okay. I see you want to continue
with this charade of ending our union.Copy !req
328. Fine, I'll play along.Copy !req
329. But if we're divorced, we're gonna
have to divide our mutual possessions.Copy !req
330. - What the hell are you talking about?
- You have my Punisher War Journal #6.Copy !req
331. My copy of Fletch
and the remote control to my TV.Copy !req
332. I know it's gonna be hard to give this stuff
up because of its sentimental attachment.Copy !req
333. Sentimental attachment?
If I have any of that crap,Copy !req
334. it's because you brought it
over to my house and left it there.Copy !req
335. Okay, then let's talk about coming up
with a schedule for visitation rights.Copy !req
336. - For what?
- For the mall.Copy !req
337. I figure you can have the odd days,
I'll take the even days and weekends.Copy !req
338. When there's any special function
like a sidewalk sale, boat show...Copy !req
339. Brodie. Brodie!Copy !req
340. I have always taken you
with a grain of salt.Copy !req
341. On your birthday,
when you asked me to do a stripteaseCopy !req
342. to the theme from Mighty Mouse,
I said okay.Copy !req
343. When we were at that hotel prom night,Copy !req
344. and you asked me to sleep
underneath the bedCopy !req
345. in case your mother burst in, I did it.Copy !req
346. And even when we were
at my grandmother's funeral,Copy !req
347. when you told most of my relativesCopy !req
348. that you could see her nipples
through her burial dress, I let it slide.Copy !req
349. If you think that I'm gonna suffer
any more of your stuff with a smileCopy !req
350. now that we're broken up, you're in for
some serious freaking disappointment.Copy !req
351. What?Copy !req
352. (Jay) Phase one:
First, you take a run at LaFoursCopy !req
353. while he's reading a magazine.Copy !req
354. Okay, you clock him on his headpiece
and knock him out cold.Copy !req
355. That's when phase two kicks in.Copy !req
356. I attack the structure Wolvie-berserk style
and knock out the pinCopy !req
357. and bickety-bam,
hence, no game show.Copy !req
358. Ah, freak!Copy !req
359. What? You know that kid
or something?Copy !req
360. I hope his pants get caught
and a bloodbath ensues.Copy !req
361. What is with you today?Copy !req
362. Don't get me wrong.
I don't wish the kid harm,Copy !req
363. but his mother should suffer
that horrific ordealCopy !req
364. so she'll learn
how to manage her child!Copy !req
365. Sort of a harsh lesson, don't you think?Copy !req
366. There's not a year goes by that
I don't read about an escalator accidentCopy !req
367. involving some bozo's kid
that could've been easily avoidedCopy !req
368. had some parent,
I don't care which one,Copy !req
369. but some parent conditioned him
to fear and respect that escalator!Copy !req
370. Wow! Look who it is.Copy !req
371. Jerk!Copy !req
372. Little Tricia Jones!
What's a pretty girl like youCopy !req
373. doing sitting alone in the middle
of this monument to consumerism?Copy !req
374. Updating my calendar
and waiting for Jay and Silent Bob.Copy !req
375. And I suppose you're here
with no agenda, as per usual.Copy !req
376. On the contrary,
I'm here for comics.Copy !req
377. Tricia's compiling data
for this book she's writingCopy !req
378. about the sex drive of men
ages 14 to 30.Copy !req
379. If I remember correctly,Copy !req
380. it's titled "A Study
of the '90s Male's Sexual Prowess".Copy !req
381. Ready to get sick?
Tell him about the advance you got.Copy !req
382. Pendant Publishing gave me $20,000
based on a treatment and a sample chapter.Copy !req
383. - You're kidding.
- It's true.Copy !req
384. She'll be the youngest author
to tackle the subject.Copy !req
385. So Tricia here speaks
with a bunch of guys for research.Copy !req
386. If that's not enough, get this...Copy !req
387. - She videotapes all of them.
- What?Copy !req
388. I get everybody's consent
before we do it.Copy !req
389. What are you writing in the calendar?Copy !req
390. I was coding last night's research.Copy !req
391. That kid is back
on the escalator again!Copy !req
392. How old was last night's subject,
if you don't mind me asking?Copy !req
393. Twenty-five. It was the guy
who runs that store Fashionable Male.Copy !req
394. Holy snot! You spoke with that airhead?
Why?Copy !req
395. I needed a 25-year-old.Copy !req
396. And he has quite a distaste for you,
I might add.Copy !req
397. - He mentioned me during the session?
- Afterwards.Copy !req
398. He says he wants to kick your ass.
I'd steer clear of him, if I were you.Copy !req
399. - Tell me you videotaped him saying that.
- No.Copy !req
400. I shut the camera off after the session.Copy !req
401. You should've heard
the stuff he wanted to do.Copy !req
402. I'm having a hard time with this.Copy !req
403. - Do your parents know about this?
- Of course.Copy !req
404. - That's remarkable.
- That's criminal. That kid...Copy !req
405. That kid is back
on the escalator again!Copy !req
406. - Leave it alone.
- What?Copy !req
407. So, I heard you were going to propose
to Brandi Svenning in some theme park.Copy !req
408. When are men going to learn
that women want romance?Copy !req
409. - Not Mr. Toads Wild Ride.
- Be fair, alright?Copy !req
410. Everyone wants Mr. Toads Wild Ride.
We gotta go.Copy !req
411. Remember my offer.Copy !req
412. I'm young, virile,
sensitive to a woman's needs...Copy !req
413. Somehow I doubt it, Sega-boy.Copy !req
414. Good luck with the comic-book store.Copy !req
415. God, Rene's got a big mouth!Copy !req
416. What does that mean,
"Good luck with the comic-book store"?Copy !req
417. How does that junior Masters
and Johnson know about my proposal?Copy !req
418. It's not like she's in an exclusive club
or anything.Copy !req
419. What are you talking about?Copy !req
420. Sean Hartle's giving everyone
the inside scoop.Copy !req
421. What? What's he saying?Copy !req
422. How her father made her do the game
show so you couldn't take her to Florida.Copy !req
423. Now, what the heck is this stuff?Copy !req
424. What do you got to do to get comics
around this place?Copy !req
425. One side, Red.Copy !req
426. - What's going on here?
- I was warned about you.Copy !req
427. - Take it easy before I have you removed.
- Warned?Copy !req
428. - What the hell are you talking about?
- Tell him, Steve Dave.Copy !req
429. Back off, fan-boy!Copy !req
430. Would you testosterone-seething,
He-Man comic book fansCopy !req
431. finish up with this tough-guy
back-and-forth?Copy !req
432. - I got some questions I need answered.
- Look, who's in there?Copy !req
433. - You got to ask me nicely.Copy !req
434. Brodie, come on!Copy !req
435. You think just 'cause a guy reads comics
he can't start some stuff?Copy !req
436. I'll freaking take all of you on!Copy !req
437. (Man) Get a medic! There's a little boy
caught in the escalator!Copy !req
438. Come back here
and arrest this goon!Copy !req
439. - You're next, boy!
- You two...Copy !req
440. I'm not going anywhere until I find out
why I can't get my comics.Copy !req
441. Alright.Copy !req
442. - Excuse me.
- Don't hit me.Copy !req
443. - Why is there a line?
- Stan Lee's signing comics.Copy !req
444. Stan Lee?Copy !req
445. (Jay) Okay, Lunchbox,
let's try this again.Copy !req
446. We tie you to the roof,
you jump and sail like a Spitfire,Copy !req
447. passing right over
the arch-nemesis LaFours.Copy !req
448. You then swing up to the stage
and knock out the pin.Copy !req
449. You got it? And, dude,
don't forget your helmet. Snoogans.Copy !req
450. Fly, fatso, fly!Copy !req
451. What a freak!Copy !req
452. You pervert!Copy !req
453. Stan Lee! How does something
as big as the creatorCopy !req
454. of the most important titles
in comics historyCopy !req
455. coming to my mall get by me?
I must be slipping in my old age.Copy !req
456. The name amongst names.Copy !req
457. God, there's a million questions
I'd love to ask him.Copy !req
458. Her father!Copy !req
459. I knew this game show thing was just
a beard for an attempt to break us up.Copy !req
460. Why can't he just leave us alone and
let us follow through with our plans?Copy !req
461. What kind of man are you, anyway?Copy !req
462. I'm talking comics and you bring up
chicks and romance?Copy !req
463. While we're on the subject, why the heck
do you want to get married now anyway?Copy !req
464. - You're still in college.
- I was just gonna propose.Copy !req
465. The wedding wouldn't be
till after we graduate.Copy !req
466. Waste of time, if you ask me.Copy !req
467. My grandmother always said,
"Why buy the cowCopy !req
468. "when you get the sex for free?"Copy !req
469. - Oh, she did?
- All the time.Copy !req
470. Of course, she became a lesbian
on her 60th birthday,Copy !req
471. but that's beside the point.Copy !req
472. Where the heck are these two going
in such a hurry?Copy !req
473. - Is he gone?
- Halfway to Buy Me Toys by now.Copy !req
474. (Jay) Man, that guy's faster
than Walt Flanagan's dog.Copy !req
475. What's with all the running?
What happened to him?Copy !req
476. The human birdbrain here
is a walking calamity.Copy !req
477. We'll have to take a pass
on the stage-trashing business,Copy !req
478. otherwise he's liable to kill himself.Copy !req
479. - Sorry, bro.
- No hard feelings.Copy !req
480. Isn't that Rene?Copy !req
481. She's probably looking for me.
I better go talk to her.Copy !req
482. I don't know.
She's with somebody.Copy !req
483. - Wait a minute, isn't that...
- The airhead from Fashionable Male!Copy !req
484. My God! You think that they're...Copy !req
485. Could be.
It'll explain why he hates me so much.Copy !req
486. And there's only one way
to find out.Copy !req
487. Can you run interference
with the lug?Copy !req
488. - What are you gonna do?
- Get some answers.Copy !req
489. You work at the Fashionable Male,
don't you?Copy !req
490. Yeah. So?Copy !req
491. That's a great store you got there.Copy !req
492. Thanks. Listen, I'm trying to spend
my lunch hour with my lady friend here.Copy !req
493. So why don't you beat it?Copy !req
494. Oh, that's your girlfriend right there?Copy !req
495. If you don't stop gawking at me and
get the heck out of here, I'll kick you out.Copy !req
496. Haven't you ever heard the phrase,
"The customer's always right"?Copy !req
497. Let me tell you a little secret:Copy !req
498. The customer's always an idiot!Copy !req
499. - Oh, my God!
- What the heck gives with the cover boy?Copy !req
500. None of your darn business.
He'd kick your butt if he knew about this.Copy !req
501. Are you insane?
The guy looks like a date rapist!Copy !req
502. - Is that my jacket?
- Brodie, start the elevator.Copy !req
503. Not until you tell me what the situation is
with you and the Terminator out there.Copy !req
504. How long has this been going on?Copy !req
505. Since I finally mustered the good sense
to send you packing.Copy !req
506. He's a much more suitable companion
than you any day.Copy !req
507. Are you nuts?Copy !req
508. I forgot what real men were like!Copy !req
509. I can't believe you have the nerve
to come to my mall and pick up guys!Copy !req
510. No, no, Shannon did the picking up.Copy !req
511. He's already taken me to lunch
at the Cheese Haus,Copy !req
512. purchased tickets for the opera night
and took me to stores I like!Copy !req
513. I took you shopping all the time!Copy !req
514. You took me
where you went shopping, you jerk!Copy !req
515. Do you think I care what rat-hole store
in that junk-pit you call the dirt mallCopy !req
516. has got the latest Godzilla bootlegs?Copy !req
517. You call eating pizza in the same
dive pizzeria every night eating out?Copy !req
518. Do I give a darn when two major comic
labels are crossing over charactersCopy !req
519. and selling two editions of the book
in varied-ink chromium covers?Copy !req
520. I'm a girl, damn it!Copy !req
521. I want to do girly things like fix someone's
hair and get romantic phone calls.Copy !req
522. I call you all the time!Copy !req
523. "Rene, my mom's asleep. Come over."
You call that romantic?Copy !req
524. When was the last time you pulled out
my chair or told me I was beautiful?Copy !req
525. This guy does all this
in the span of a day!Copy !req
526. This guy already introduced me
to his mother.Copy !req
527. Really?Copy !req
528. He was up and at work
by 9:00 this morning.Copy !req
529. Unlike my ex-boyfriend,
who would sleep until 1:00,Copy !req
530. 'cause he played Sega and
watched videos all night long!Copy !req
531. Which, by the way,
has enormous effect on your libido.Copy !req
532. Now you attack my libido?Copy !req
533. - There's no libido to attack.
- No libido to attack?Copy !req
534. - You're sure you saw her get on, right?
- Maybe she was getting off.Copy !req
535. ' Ow!Copy !req
536. - Sorry.
- It's alright.Copy !req
537. - There, that was romantic, right?Copy !req
538. Passionate, yeah.Copy !req
539. No, Brodie.
That was too little, too late.Copy !req
540. Too little?Copy !req
541. Hey!Copy !req
542. - I'm gonna kill that son of a gun.
- No, forget about him.Copy !req
543. He just wanted to give me something
that he forgot to give me a long time ago.Copy !req
544. He's harmless now. Okay?Copy !req
545. Fine. I gotta get back to the store.
Let's go.Copy !req
546. Right there in the elevator?Copy !req
547. I don't know what came over me.
She challenged my libido.Copy !req
548. I felt obligated to defend myself
against her accusations.Copy !req
549. - Oh, it's not like you still wanted her.
- Not in the least. I'm over her.Copy !req
550. - You really love that girl.
- Yeah, right.Copy !req
551. No, I never noticed it before,
but she really fuels your engine.Copy !req
552. You have this new glow about you.Copy !req
553. - I don't have a glow.
- You do. You're glowing.Copy !req
554. If I have a glow,
it's because I just met Rene!Copy !req
555. I'd look the same if I met anyone in
that elevator, present company excluded.Copy !req
556. Deny it all you want. I think you're
too proud to admit you want her back.Copy !req
557. I suddenly want something very bad
to happen to you.Copy !req
558. What is your problem?
I don't understand.Copy !req
559. Ow!Copy !req
560. Gwen! I'm sorry.Copy !req
561. See! That's what you get
for messing with me.Copy !req
562. Hey, Gwen,
he didn't really mean to hit you.Copy !req
563. He's got a funny way of showing it
by elbowing me in my freaking chest!Copy !req
564. - Why the hell are you glowing?
- I'm not glowing.Copy !req
565. - Brandi dumped him.
- Oh, would you stop saying that?Copy !req
566. - I know. I heard.
- You heard how?Copy !req
567. She told me. I ran into her
a few minutes ago.Copy !req
568. - Really? Where?
- By the stage.Copy !req
569. Can I help you?Copy !req
570. Work with me, people, would you
please? No, I don't want this here.Copy !req
571. - I want it toward the front.
- The rug keeps popping up.Copy !req
572. - If I put the podium there, it'll stay down.
- Move it!Copy !req
573. - Mr. Svenning!
- Give me the podium!Copy !req
574. You put the podium down
over here...Copy !req
575. Like this.Copy !req
576. You stamp the carpet down
with your feet. You speak English?Copy !req
577. Like this.Copy !req
578. Mr. Svenning!
Let me help you up.Copy !req
579. - Let me help you.
- Get off! Move!Copy !req
580. - Alright, where's Brandi?
- Let go of me!Copy !req
581. Where's Brandi?Copy !req
582. You're fired.
You get the heck out of here.Copy !req
583. Get off my set!Copy !req
584. Where is she?Copy !req
585. You are out of her life.Copy !req
586. Now, you stay out of her business
and mine, understand me?Copy !req
587. Come on, people.
Are we working here?Copy !req
588. Get the backdrop ready.
Are those lights ready to go?Copy !req
589. Excuse me.
Go on the other side.Copy !req
590. You put the podium over the bad spot
in the carpet, okay?Copy !req
591. The hole? Please. Go. Now.Copy !req
592. So you made her dump me and now
you're going to auction her offCopy !req
593. in an effort to better further
your own career?Copy !req
594. Hey, not that it's any of your concern,
but Brandi agreed to be on Truth or Date.Copy !req
595. And the stuff you pulled last night,
I think she's even looking forward to it.Copy !req
596. It'll give her a chance
to find herself a decent guy.Copy !req
597. Somebody with a brain.Copy !req
598. So you admit it?
You are behind our break-up.Copy !req
599. Admit it?Copy !req
600. I'm as proud of it
as I am of this game show here.Copy !req
601. T.S., listen to me.
It's over between you two.Copy !req
602. The sooner you get that,
the better off we're all gonna be.Copy !req
603. Understand me?
You don't.Copy !req
604. Guard, come here.
Get this guy off of my set.Copy !req
605. If he gives you any crap,
you have my permission to castrate him.Copy !req
606. - You can't do this!
- I just did.Copy !req
607. - Get me LaFours.
- Right away, sir.Copy !req
608. Well, go on!Copy !req
609. Rene seems so coarse, anyway.
What was it like to date her?Copy !req
610. - Ever slept with somebody?
- Uh, yeah.Copy !req
611. We slept together one time,
remember, in high school?Copy !req
612. - That ski trip?
- That was you?Copy !req
613. Yes, Brodie,
I've slept beside many people.Copy !req
614. Alright, you know how when someone
lays with their back to youCopy !req
615. and you lay behind them really close
and you throw one arm over them?Copy !req
616. It's called spooning.Copy !req
617. But you gotta put
the other arm somewhere.Copy !req
618. You can either lay on it
or just shove it in between your bodies.Copy !req
619. The only other option is
to stretch it above your head.Copy !req
620. But sometimes my arm pops out
of the socket when I'm sleeping like that.Copy !req
621. So, I was constantly searching
for some place to keep my armCopy !req
622. while still laying close to her.Copy !req
623. - And?
- What do you mean, "And"?Copy !req
624. That's like a metaphor
for our whole relationship.Copy !req
625. I'm all out.
I'll meet you at the food court.Copy !req
626. I know exactly how he feels.
Excuse me.Copy !req
627. Fill this with Coke, no ice.Copy !req
628. Want a sip of my soda?Copy !req
629. Smartass ex-boyfriend.Copy !req
630. I got two things to tell you.
I don't like you.Copy !req
631. I see you every week in this mall.
I don't like shiftless layabouts.Copy !req
632. You're one of these loser mallrat kids.Copy !req
633. You don't come hereto work or shop,
you hang out all day,Copy !req
634. act like you live here.Copy !req
635. I have no respect for people
with no shopping agenda.Copy !req
636. Is this what's known
as motivated salesmanship?Copy !req
637. Rene told me to leave you alone,
but she's always clueless.Copy !req
638. Now, you see, Bruce,Copy !req
639. I like to pick up girls on the rebound
from a disappointing relationship.Copy !req
640. They're more vulnerable,
they're in much more need of solaceCopy !req
641. and they're fairly open to suggestion.Copy !req
642. - Did we ever get along?
- Once or twice.Copy !req
643. - How come we went out as long as we did?
- You had cable.Copy !req
644. So, are you gonna stay for the show?Copy !req
645. Absolutely not.
As soon as he gets back here, I'm gone.Copy !req
646. T.S. Quint,
where's your sense of chivalry?Copy !req
647. The Easter Bunny did this?Copy !req
648. All I said was the Bunny at
the Menlo Park mall was more convincing.Copy !req
649. He just jumped the railing
and knocked me down.Copy !req
650. Oh, my God, is that Brodie?Copy !req
651. What happened to him?Copy !req
652. The guy in the Easter Bunny suit
kicked his butt.Copy !req
653. - I had it coming.
- Forget all that stuff. Come on, Silent Bob.Copy !req
654. What really happened?Copy !req
655. The proprietor of Fashionable Male
beat a rain check into my stomach.Copy !req
656. - Shannon Hamilton?
- You know that guy?Copy !req
657. I went out with him after we dated.Copy !req
658. He treated me like
a very cheap date once.Copy !req
659. - What, like the back of a Volkswagen?
- Sounds like his M.O.Copy !req
660. - Can you get up?
- Am I still glowing?Copy !req
661. You're barely breathing.
Was Rene involved in any of this?Copy !req
662. This was an independent act
of aggression.Copy !req
663. - I'm late. I gotta go.
- You better tell Rene.Copy !req
664. Oh, let him do whatever the heck
he wants.Copy !req
665. She's not smart enough to see him for what
he is, then she deserves the discomfort.Copy !req
666. I, on the other hand, have had just about
all the discomfort I can stand for a day.Copy !req
667. I gotta split.
You gonna be okay, Brodie?Copy !req
668. Couple of pins in the hip,
I'll be good as new.Copy !req
669. That's my boy.
Bye, guys. Be good.Copy !req
670. Women, always leaving you when
you've just had the crap kicked out of you.Copy !req
671. You look like you're gonna live to me.
You stay here. I gotta hit the bathroom.Copy !req
672. Please, don't say "hit"!Copy !req
673. Alright, honey.Copy !req
674. Don't forget to look
for your Easter eggs on Sunday.Copy !req
675. Bye-bye, Easter Bunny.Copy !req
676. Alright, who's next?
It's hot in this suit.Copy !req
677. Hey, guys. Wait in line
like everybody else.Copy !req
678. - What is this?
- This is for Brodie.Copy !req
679. He's here.Copy !req
680. - What?
- Him and Brodie.Copy !req
681. - Don't sweat it, though. He's leaving.
- Oh...Copy !req
682. He seems really broken up
over this whole thing.Copy !req
683. Maybe because
we're broken up for good this time.Copy !req
684. I remember when I dumped T.S.Copy !req
685. I was alright with it
till he started dating you.Copy !req
686. - A little jealousy residue?
- I thought so at first.Copy !req
687. Then I realized
it was more than that.Copy !req
688. When I saw how he was with you and
how well you two complemented each other,Copy !req
689. it finally hit me
that T.S. is a great catch.Copy !req
690. - Gwen, you were always cheating on him.
- Capricious youth?Copy !req
691. Doesn't mean
I wasn't regretful about it.Copy !req
692. Geez, Gwen, the last thing I need
at this pointCopy !req
693. is a lecture on my love life.Copy !req
694. All I'm saying is that the really good guys
are few and far between.Copy !req
695. In fact,
I haven't met one since T.S.Copy !req
696. Even if I did meet one, I guarantee
I'd use him as the basis for my comparison.Copy !req
697. You can have him if you want him.Copy !req
698. Believe me, I might consider trying...
if he weren't so hung up on you.Copy !req
699. Well, I gotta get home.Copy !req
700. - Have a great show.
- Okay. Bye.Copy !req
701. Chocolate-covered pretzel?Copy !req
702. This is Roddy,
Mr. Svenning's assistant.Copy !req
703. Mr. Svenning would like
to have a word with you.Copy !req
704. - Where? These are melting.
- Copy that. By the stage.Copy !req
705. Tell him I'll be there in a minute.Copy !req
706. - What do you think?
- I don't trust it.Copy !req
707. Maybe he's calmed down a little bit.
We'll talk reasonably.Copy !req
708. Reasonably, shmeasonably!
You should go over there and give him...Copy !req
709. You kidding?
I'm trying to marry his daughter.Copy !req
710. Alright, so you can't scream at him,
but after all he's done,Copy !req
711. you should still kind of stick it to him.Copy !req
712. Do me a favor.
Stay here while I go talk to him.Copy !req
713. I assure you tonight's program
will go off without a hitch.Copy !req
714. I hope so, Jared, for your sake.Copy !req
715. You picked a dangerous mall
to host a game show in.Copy !req
716. I hear the Easter Bunny
was accosted this morning.Copy !req
717. If there's anything
even remotely resemblingCopy !req
718. the trouble you had
at the Governor's Ball,Copy !req
719. you're gonna be hosting the Lotto drawing
on public access the rest of your career.Copy !req
720. Gentlemen, please trust me.Copy !req
721. I have just taken
the necessary precautionsCopy !req
722. to insure everything will go smoothly.Copy !req
723. Nothing to worry about.
Sound test!Copy !req
724. I tell you what. Why don't, uh...Copy !req
725. Why don't I meet you back here
around show time?Copy !req
726. - Somebody said you wanted to see me?
- Quint...Copy !req
727. I accept the fact that
you no doubt had my daughter.Copy !req
728. The two of you have been
dating long enoughCopy !req
729. for you to have slimed your way
into her life,Copy !req
730. and I'm sure you did just that
at least once or twiceCopy !req
731. in my own house,
probably while I was at home.Copy !req
732. Brandi... has a bright future.Copy !req
733. She is an extremely intelligent
and capable girl.Copy !req
734. And I'm sure that one day she'll be
even more successful than me.Copy !req
735. Maybe. But you...Copy !req
736. You, on the other hand,
have absolutely no ambition.Copy !req
737. And no chance of making it
in the real world.Copy !req
738. My daughter is too good for you.Copy !req
739. You will never, ever be with her.Copy !req
740. So, if there isn't anything else...Copy !req
741. Hey, fellas!Copy !req
742. Well, well, well,
if it isn't my neighbor.Copy !req
743. Mr. Svenning, how have you...Copy !req
744. Would you feel
that iron-grip handshake?Copy !req
745. So, what's going on here?Copy !req
746. Well, T.S. and I were just discussing
a few of his lesser points.Copy !req
747. - Of which he does have many.
- Mmm...Copy !req
748. Hey! Look at that ring.
What is that?Copy !req
749. That is my junior-college class ring.Copy !req
750. Boy, look at the shine on that.
Do you polish it daily?Copy !req
751. Well, you know... Bruce,Copy !req
752. once you eventually get a job
and start working for a living,Copy !req
753. you're gonna realize that
there's not enough time in the dayCopy !req
754. for such luxuries as ring-polishing.Copy !req
755. Is that so? Say, would you like
a chocolate-covered pretzel?Copy !req
756. They're a little melty,
but, damn, are they exquisite.Copy !req
757. If I remember correctly,
you're a big pretzel fan.Copy !req
758. - Uh... dark chocolate?
- Yeah!Copy !req
759. - Oh, come on!
- No, no!Copy !req
760. They're awesome. Here you go.Copy !req
761. Thank you.Copy !req
762. That's good. Very nice.Copy !req
763. Being a man who believes in
"one good turn deserves another..."Copy !req
764. I have something to offer
the both of you.Copy !req
765. - Really, what's that?Copy !req
766. - What is this?
- These are called handcuffs.Copy !req
767. This is what is known
as a precautionary measure.Copy !req
768. Easy, boy, easy.Copy !req
769. I couldn't risk having you screw up
my career or make another play for Brandi.Copy !req
770. Once I realized the both of you
were in the mall together,Copy !req
771. I decided to set up this little ambush
to removeCopy !req
772. you and your sidekick here
from the premises permanently.Copy !req
773. Why am I his sidekick?
How do you know he's not my sidekick?Copy !req
774. Well, that's something you'll have
to figure out for yourselves... in jail!Copy !req
775. Take 'em away!Copy !req
776. Yes! Whoo!Copy !req
777. Ch... joyous!Copy !req
778. Mmm... so good.Copy !req
779. You're nothing
but a lot of talk and a badge.Copy !req
780. Rene! Get Jay and Silent Bob!
Please!Copy !req
781. - Hurry!
- Did somebody call your name?Copy !req
782. Uh... I have to go to the bathroom.
Wait here, okay?Copy !req
783. Hey, anything for you, babe.
It's your day.Copy !req
784. Thanks.Copy !req
785. Look at me, look at me,
you sloppy beast!Copy !req
786. Dude, you're a mad chick magnet!Copy !req
787. T.S., Brodie, security guards.Copy !req
788. Under arrest, they need help! Go!Copy !req
789. Wow. A sailboat.Copy !req
790. - Brenda?
- Jerk!Copy !req
791. This is illegal!
You can't arrest us for nothing!Copy !req
792. Oh, alright. I believe when Mr. LaFours
turns us over to the police,Copy !req
793. the bag of contraband
that he's "found" on our personsCopy !req
794. will give them more than enough reason
to keep us locked up.Copy !req
795. At least for the duration of this evening's
show. Isn't that right, Mr. LaFours?Copy !req
796. Come, son of Jor-El!
Kneel before Zod!Copy !req
797. Snootchy bootchies!Copy !req
798. - Vulcan nerve pinch?
- That was close.Copy !req
799. What about that birdbrain back there?
He even licked his hand.Copy !req
800. We gotta disappear, man.
They'll be looking for us.Copy !req
801. - Thank you, man. We owe you one.
- You wanna hide?Copy !req
802. - I know just the place.
- Whatever. Let's just go.Copy !req
803. - Don't I even get to wash my hand first?
- Brodie!Copy !req
804. What the heck are we gonna do?Copy !req
805. Come on, come on!
They're right behind us. Come on!Copy !req
806. Yeah! Big butt! Yeah!Copy !req
807. Where do you get
those wonderful toys?Copy !req
808. - This is where we're hiding out?
- Hey, man, this is the dirt mall.Copy !req
809. Cops never come in here.Copy !req
810. Neither does
any self-respecting consumer.Copy !req
811. I never could figure out
what you saw in this place.Copy !req
812. Good buys. Great people.
Earthy aromas.Copy !req
813. - Hey, Walt!
- Brodie!Copy !req
814. - They know me here.
- I wouldn't be too proud of that.Copy !req
815. Listen to the sound of defeat
in your voice.Copy !req
816. Might it have to do with the fact
that I've been defeated?Copy !req
817. Man, you're giving up? You?Copy !req
818. You used to be a stand-up kind of guy.
What happened to that guy?Copy !req
819. The guy who punched Amanda Gross'
mother after she called him "|ow-class."Copy !req
820. - That wasn't me, that was you.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
821. It wasn't her mother,
it was her grandmother.Copy !req
822. No wonder the broad
went down so fast.Copy !req
823. Hey! You should have boards in them,
alright? Bloody savage.Copy !req
824. That is one of your more
admirably deplorable traits.Copy !req
825. You, unlike me, would beat up
somebody's grandmotherCopy !req
826. or an entire senior citizens' community
if you believed in the principle.Copy !req
827. But only if they were really old.Copy !req
828. Maybe I was deluded.Copy !req
829. Maybe you were right this morningCopy !req
830. when you said if something stupid
could change how she feelsCopy !req
831. she's not into it in the first place.Copy !req
832. You're gonna listen to me?
To something I said?Copy !req
833. Geez, man! Haven't I made it clear
during the tenure of our friendshipCopy !req
834. that I don't know squat?Copy !req
835. I mean, half the time
I'm just stating the obvious.Copy !req
836. Or utter nonsense.Copy !req
837. Sometimes, but on occasion you've been
known to let a nugget of truth slip out.Copy !req
838. This morning might've been
one of those occasions.Copy !req
839. You know what you need?
Some sage-like advice.Copy !req
840. You've given me enough
for one day, thanks.Copy !req
841. - Not from me, from lvannah.
- Who's lvannah?Copy !req
842. - I can't even find the words.
- Is that ingenuity or what?Copy !req
843. What's palm-reading have to do
with being topless?Copy !req
844. It makes the news easier to take.Copy !req
845. She could tell me I'll die in 10 minutes,
so long as she told me topless.Copy !req
846. - Your maleness amazes me sometimes.
- What can I say? I love chicks.Copy !req
847. What kind of people
patronize this service?Copy !req
848. - People like us.
- You're not suggesting...Copy !req
849. Come on! Don't be such
a darn fundamentalist.Copy !req
850. I've already reached my lowest.
This is where I draw the line.Copy !req
851. You used to like chicks, too.Copy !req
852. I love girls as much as the next guy,
but why pay some old hag good moneyCopy !req
853. for supernatural chicanery coupled
with a sagging, wrinkled, weathered body?Copy !req
854. Man, this place is
something out of "Octopussy".Copy !req
855. You've come for a glimpse
at your future?Copy !req
856. Amongst other things.Copy !req
857. Talents like those I possess
are not to be taken lightly.Copy !req
858. If you have heart condition,
suffer from nervous nausea,Copy !req
859. or have a family history
of stress-induced breakdown,Copy !req
860. Empire Entertainment recommends
you do not partakeCopy !req
861. in the fortune-telling activities
contained within.Copy !req
862. You guys still in?Copy !req
863. We're both healthy
and strapping young men.Copy !req
864. You give me $58.60.Copy !req
865. What?Copy !req
866. - You expect me to pay for this?
- I'm broke. I'll pay you back.Copy !req
867. God, I knew it. I can't believe you.
I didn't even want to do this.Copy !req
868. You'll thank me later.Copy !req
869. Thank you.Copy !req
870. Alright, gentlemen, free your mind.Copy !req
871. I sense a grave disturbance
between you both.Copy !req
872. A difficulty in affecting a resolution
for a problem.Copy !req
873. Something hard.Copy !req
874. Miss, I appreciate the effort
and I'm sure you're very good at...Copy !req
875. whatever it is you do,Copy !req
876. but my shallow friend isn't interested
in his future, so you can cut the theatrics.Copy !req
877. What a relief. I do so much better when
I don't have to say things in character.Copy !req
878. You don't have to say anything at all.Copy !req
879. You paid,
I should tell you something.Copy !req
880. But in order to do that,Copy !req
881. I have to work completely...Copy !req
882. unfettered.Copy !req
883. Oh, I can definitely sense
the problem. Here.Copy !req
884. Girl trouble.Copy !req
885. Apparently, you're both on the outs
with your respective steadies.Copy !req
886. - That's amazing.
- That's disgusting!Copy !req
887. Oh, you both feel the pain... Ow!Copy !req
888. of loss.Copy !req
889. But only one of you makes it vocal.Copy !req
890. The other one suffers silently.Copy !req
891. - My God, you're right.
- We gotta go.Copy !req
892. How can this be resolved?Copy !req
893. I would say, yes, combine your efforts.
That's what I see.Copy !req
894. - Let me tell you what I see...
- That's great!Copy !req
895. I don't buy her power.
Alright, when's my birthday?Copy !req
896. Between the first and the last...Copy !req
897. of October.Copy !req
898. - Did you hear that?
- Very haunting. Let's go.Copy !req
899. Miss lvannah, why are you stuck
here in this dirt mallCopy !req
900. and not in an upscale
commercial setting?Copy !req
901. You could be raking in the dough
with your kind of accuracy.Copy !req
902. Believe it or not, some people
still frown on topless fortune-telling.Copy !req
903. Unfortunately, it's the only way
that I'm effective.Copy !req
904. - Really?
- Well, it's the third nipple that does it.Copy !req
905. - Oh, you have a third nipple?
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
906. It's clear as day!
Look at it, for God's sake.Copy !req
907. - You can stare at it. I don't mind.
- No.Copy !req
908. Understanding is reached
only through confrontation.Copy !req
909. Of course!Copy !req
910. Miss lvannah, thank you so much.
I can't tell you how informative you've been.Copy !req
911. Whoa, whoa! You're gonna what?Copy !req
912. - I'll get on her father's game show.
- Are you kidding?Copy !req
913. Last time he had dope planted on us.
What will he do this time?Copy !req
914. He can't touch us once the thing starts.
It's a live feed.Copy !req
915. He can't risk losing face
in front of the network execs.Copy !req
916. - It can't happen.
- I'll make it happen.Copy !req
917. "Understanding is reached
only after confrontation."Copy !req
918. That's what Miss lvannah said.
Brandi will respond to confrontation.Copy !req
919. Hey, aren't you the guy that
broke up with Brandi Svenning?Copy !req
920. What's your problem, anyway?Copy !req
921. You're supposed to be the impetuous one,
not me. Why are you fighting me?Copy !req
922. - I'm being rational!
- You're being scared.Copy !req
923. You're scared you might wanna
follow my lead and win Rene back!Copy !req
924. - Rene who?
- Whatever. Just do me a favor.Copy !req
925. Meet me by the stage
once the show starts.Copy !req
926. - I'll need your help.
- Where are you going?Copy !req
927. - Shopping!
- What the hell am I supposed to do?Copy !req
928. Dude, this looks like your mom.Copy !req
929. - I've been looking all over for you two.
- We're hiding.Copy !req
930. In a bookstore?Copy !req
931. Last place anyone'd look
for me and this tubby boy.Copy !req
932. - I need your help.
- Yeah? What?Copy !req
933. - You two up for getting even?
- Look who you're asking.Copy !req
934. You looking at that couple inside?Copy !req
935. Actually, I was just looking
at this little pink number over here.Copy !req
936. Oh, yeah, that's kind of nice.
They look happy, don't they?Copy !req
937. - What, the bras?
- No, the couple. They look happy.Copy !req
938. I guess, as far as couples go.Copy !req
939. You know, it reminds me
of an issue of Spider-Man I did.Copy !req
940. When Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy
went lingerie shopping.Copy !req
941. Of course,
the Green Goblin showed upCopy !req
942. and he pumpkin-bombed
the hell out of the place.Copy !req
943. But aside from that,
it's pretty much the same thing.Copy !req
944. Oh, my God!Copy !req
945. Holy snot!Copy !req
946. - Aren't you...?
- Stan Lee. Hi.Copy !req
947. - What's up, boys? You guys on this show?
- That's the rumor.Copy !req
948. Man, between hoping to win,
the crowd out thereCopy !req
949. and being on TV,
I'd be scared as heck if I were you two.Copy !req
950. - Yeah?
- Sure, man. What if you mess up?Copy !req
951. Your friends and family watching.Copy !req
952. I'd be so scared I'd have stagefright
or fall apart or something.Copy !req
953. He's got a point, man. This is live.
Anything could happen.Copy !req
954. Shut your face up, man.
You're making me nervous.Copy !req
955. There's only one thing
that could take off that edge.Copy !req
956. Make you feel relaxed as hell.Copy !req
957. Make you forget how many people
are staring at you here and on TV.Copy !req
958. The Fantastic Four. Reed Richards.
Can his whole body stretch?Copy !req
959. - I mean every part, you know, like his...
- I know what you mean.Copy !req
960. We never really tackled stuff like that
in the old days.Copy !req
961. What with the comic-book code and all.Copy !req
962. I can't believe I'm standing here
talking to you!Copy !req
963. You're responsible for the greats.
Let's do the list. Spider-Man?Copy !req
964. - Guilty.
- The Incredible Hulk?Copy !req
965. - Afraid so.
- This is so cool.Copy !req
966. - The ♪-Men?
- Now that you mention it.Copy !req
967. Oh, man. You are a god!Copy !req
968. Hey, look at that couple.Copy !req
969. Boy, they sure seem to be in love, huh?Copy !req
970. What's with that? That's the second time
you've commented on couples in love.Copy !req
971. Well, I like that sort of thing.Copy !req
972. Tell me, do you have a girlfriend,
Brodie?Copy !req
973. Had one. We just broke up.Copy !req
974. - The Thing?
- It's a superhero secret.Copy !req
975. Tell me, Brodie. Why did you
and your girlfriend break up?Copy !req
976. She was a pain in the neck.Copy !req
977. She wanted me to be
this typical boyfriend guy.Copy !req
978. Said I was too into my own world
of comics and all.Copy !req
979. Yeah, I can relate.Copy !req
980. There was a time when
it was all about comics for me.Copy !req
981. I had a girl,
probably the same as yours.Copy !req
982. She always complained that I spent
too much time with my own comics.Copy !req
983. - And eventually we broke up.
- See, what did she know?Copy !req
984. Here you are now,
a legend in the field.Copy !req
985. You had a slew of women since her,
right?Copy !req
986. Oh, lots of women.Copy !req
987. Jagger and me, we had a running contest
to see who had the most.Copy !req
988. Matter of fact, last time I looked,
I was way ahead.Copy !req
989. - Man, that's hot!
- But I never forgot that girl.Copy !req
990. Did you ever get back
together with her?Copy !req
991. One day I found out she got married.Copy !req
992. I had blown it.
I had missed my window.Copy !req
993. No way.Copy !req
994. - What'd you do?
- I went on with my life.Copy !req
995. I created some special
new superheroes.Copy !req
996. They were characters that reflected
my own heartbreak and my own regrets.Copy !req
997. How so?Copy !req
998. Doctor Doom wears body armor
to conceal his own mangled form.Copy !req
999. - Right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1000. Okay, that was me beneath the armor.Copy !req
1001. The Hulk.Copy !req
1002. A normal guy one minute,
a rage of emotions the next.Copy !req
1003. Just like me when I thought
about what I'd given up.Copy !req
1004. So you created each character
as a way to deal with your one big regret.Copy !req
1005. Yeah, the girl that got away.
Look, do yourself a favor, Brodie.Copy !req
1006. Don't wait.Copy !req
1007. Because all the money,
all the women,Copy !req
1008. even all the comic books in the world,Copy !req
1009. they can't substitute for that one person.Copy !req
1010. I don't know.
All the comics in the world?Copy !req
1011. Trust me, true believer.Copy !req
1012. - Well, good talking to you.
- Keep up all the good work.Copy !req
1013. You keep reading 'em,
I'll keep writing 'em.Copy !req
1014. - Hey, Stan!
- Yeah?Copy !req
1015. She really meant that much to you?Copy !req
1016. Brodie, I'd give it all up, all of it,Copy !req
1017. for just one more day with her.Copy !req
1018. Take care.Copy !req
1019. - Stan!
- Hi!Copy !req
1020. - Hey, I think he bought it.
- What kind of story did you give him?Copy !req
1021. It was the Vulture's soliloquy, you know,
from the Spider-Man anniversary issue.Copy !req
1022. "Love Be a Vulture Tonight."
Yeah.Copy !req
1023. - I can't thank you enough, Mr. Lee.
- Forget it.Copy !req
1024. You know, I think you ought
to get him some help.Copy !req
1025. He seems to be really hung up
on superheroes' sex organs.Copy !req
1026. But he'll outgrow it.Copy !req
1027. I think I felt it move.Copy !req
1028. Just kidding.Copy !req
1029. - Just the two I'm looking for. I need help.
- With what?Copy !req
1030. - Let me borrow the Shannon Hamilton tape.
- Why?Copy !req
1031. It's important! The future
of my relationship depends on it.Copy !req
1032. - It's at my house.
- Take T.S.'s station wagon, parked in 2D.Copy !req
1033. - I don't even have a license.
- Just go!Copy !req
1034. You still got that stage schematic?Copy !req
1035. I need you to wire something
together for me.Copy !req
1036. Geez, what's with him?Copy !req
1037. I don't know.
I'm suddenly not feeling too well.Copy !req
1038. But everything is fine.Copy !req
1039. We're about to start.Copy !req
1040. Oh, you are in for something
really special tonight, gentlemen.Copy !req
1041. I have lined up...Copy !req
1042. Excuse me...Copy !req
1043. Sorry.Copy !req
1044. I have lined up
some really bright kids here.Copy !req
1045. This promises to be a lot of fun.
I'm sure you're gonna love it.Copy !req
1046. Shouldn't you be in bed
or something?Copy !req
1047. No. I wouldn't miss this
for the world.Copy !req
1048. Make sure everybody's ready
and let's start.Copy !req
1049. How long did that take?Copy !req
1050. All it took was a fast karate punch.
These guys were lightweights.Copy !req
1051. - How much do I owe you?
- My treat.Copy !req
1052. Alright, I'm ready.Copy !req
1053. You're never gonna believe
who I just met.Copy !req
1054. - What the hell happened to these two?
- Power of the Dark Side.Copy !req
1055. Wait, there's only two.Copy !req
1056. - There's supposed to be three.
- Where's the third guy?Copy !req
1057. I never saw a third guy.Copy !req
1058. What the hell happened
to those guys?Copy !req
1059. - They got bigheaded.
- You got that right.Copy !req
1060. - They gonna cancel the show?
- What do you care?Copy !req
1061. I'm supposed to be on it.
I'm Gil Hicks. Suitor Number Three.Copy !req
1062. We're taking their place.
I'm T.S. Quint. This is Brodie Bruce.Copy !req
1063. - Didn't Svenning have you arrested?
- Dude. Don't give him any lip, alright?Copy !req
1064. Something's going on here.
Where's Mr. Svenning?Copy !req
1065. Mr. Svenning has come down
with a sudden case of diphtheria.Copy !req
1066. - What happened to those two?
- (Jay) The two dudes just fainted.Copy !req
1067. (Gil) Hey, Rowdy Roddy. Isn't this
the guy Svenning had arrested?Copy !req
1068. Yes, it is. Alright, Quint.Copy !req
1069. I don't know how you got back in,
but I'm alerting Mr. Svenning.Copy !req
1070. We'll postpone the start
until we figure this all out.Copy !req
1071. You called down the thunder,
now you've got it! Security!Copy !req
1072. - Hey, Roddy!
- What?Copy !req
1073. Somebody call security?
What happened to those two?Copy !req
1074. They got rough and knocked this guy out.
I think he needs medical attention.Copy !req
1075. That's not what... Ow!Copy !req
1076. Could you have him removed?
The show's about to start.Copy !req
1077. Whatever.Copy !req
1078. Look, dude. No more lip, alright?Copy !req
1079. Just go out and woo like you're
supposed to and nobody gets hurt.Copy !req
1080. When Tricia shows up here
with the videotape,Copy !req
1081. you get it to Silent Bob, understand?Copy !req
1082. I'm on it.
Wait a sec, where is that tubby boy?Copy !req
1083. Good evening and welcome
to Truth or Date.Copy !req
1084. One match made here
ignites the fires of romance.Copy !req
1085. Hi, I'm Bob Summers, your host,Copy !req
1086. and tonight we'll watch
as one of our three lucky suitorsCopy !req
1087. woos our beautiful, eligible suitor-ette.Copy !req
1088. Ladies and gentlemen, get ready
for romance in the makingCopy !req
1089. as we introduce the suitors!Copy !req
1090. Our first suitor goes to Marymount College
where he majors in Economics.Copy !req
1091. Say hi to Doug Paging.Copy !req
1092. Do it, Doug!Copy !req
1093. Our second suitor hails from
Canisius College in Buffalo,Copy !req
1094. where he majors
in Communications.Copy !req
1095. Say hi to Rob Feature.Copy !req
1096. Our final suitor goes to Rutgers,Copy !req
1097. where he majors in
Fine Arts and Greek mythology.Copy !req
1098. A nice welcome for Gil Hicks.Copy !req
1099. Pay attention.Copy !req
1100. (Bob) May the best man win.Copy !req
1101. And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce our lovely suitor-ette.Copy !req
1102. From Monmouth State, where she majors
in Astronomy and Earth Sciences,Copy !req
1103. a big welcome
for the lovely Brandi Svenning.Copy !req
1104. Alright, everybody knows
how the game is played.Copy !req
1105. Our lovely suitor-ette will ask
a series of questions of our suitorsCopy !req
1106. and make her decision
based on their answers.Copy !req
1107. anything goes!Copy !req
1108. Brandi, are you ready?Copy !req
1109. - Absolutely, Bob.
- Then you may fire when ready.Copy !req
1110. Okay.Copy !req
1111. Um...Copy !req
1112. Suitor Number One.Copy !req
1113. If you were a car,
what kind of car would you be?Copy !req
1114. Um... the kind you'd never dump
your boyfriend in.Copy !req
1115. - Okay. Suitor Number Two.
- Can't you call me the Second Suitor?Copy !req
1116. "Suitor Number Two" sounds like
a bathroom code, you know?Copy !req
1117. - Okay.Copy !req
1118. Second Suitor.Copy !req
1119. - If we were making whoopee...
- What's whoopee?Copy !req
1120. Um...Copy !req
1121. Well, if we were...Copy !req
1122. you know, what kind of noises
would you make?Copy !req
1123. No, I think that's kind of personal.
I don't think I should answer that.Copy !req
1124. Okay. Suitor Number Three.Copy !req
1125. - What would our first date be like?
- Well, uh...Copy !req
1126. First, I'd take you shopping
to the stores you'd want to shop in.Copy !req
1127. And then we'd do a little lunch,
probably at the Cheese Haus,Copy !req
1128. followed by some golfing.Copy !req
1129. Then at night, we'd take in an opera,
probably Die Fledermaus.Copy !req
1130. And then I'd follow it all up
with a drive to a secluded beachCopy !req
1131. where I'd pop on the radioCopy !req
1132. and then we could slow dance
till the sun came up.Copy !req
1133. That was the biggest load of crap
I've ever heard!Copy !req
1134. I mean, look at you, you're the kind
of guy that would beg for sex.Copy !req
1135. I should know,
we can smell our own.Copy !req
1136. Suitor Number One.Copy !req
1137. If we fell in love,
how would you propose to me?Copy !req
1138. - When Jaws popped out of the water.
- Excuse me?Copy !req
1139. I propose to you right now.Copy !req
1140. I propose you stop letting
your father run your lifeCopy !req
1141. and be true to yourself and not give up
on someone you know has value.Copy !req
1142. Yeah, take off your socks
when you make whoopeeCopy !req
1143. or whatever that word is,
he hates it when you leave them on.Copy !req
1144. - W-What?
- Hypothetically speaking.Copy !req
1145. Suitor Number One,
you sound familiar.Copy !req
1146. - Like your conscience, maybe?
- Look, lady, you don't know him, alright?Copy !req
1147. Now make with the questions.Copy !req
1148. Suitor Number Three.Copy !req
1149. Is your kiss like a soft breeze,
a firm handshake, or a jackhammer?Copy !req
1150. What's the funny guy doing
with his hands?Copy !req
1151. I don't know.Copy !req
1152. Definitely a jackhammer.Copy !req
1153. I'm in there with some pressure,
and when I'm done,Copy !req
1154. you're not the same as before,
you're changed.Copy !req
1155. Where do you come up
with this stuff?Copy !req
1156. That is the cheesiest response
to an honest question I've ever heard.Copy !req
1157. I saw you kiss
and it wasn't anything like that.Copy !req
1158. Ha! Suitor Number Two,Copy !req
1159. you have to wait until you're addressed
before you respond.Copy !req
1160. Richard Dawson, go back to your podium
until it's time to play the Feud, alright?Copy !req
1161. - Who did you see me kiss?
- Some dude backstage.Copy !req
1162. I don't know who he was,
but he seemed unimpressed.Copy !req
1163. I didn't kiss any guy backstage, I swear.
I'm not gay.Copy !req
1164. Hey, Suitor-ette,
this guy's a homophobe.Copy !req
1165. You heard how repulsed he sounded.Copy !req
1166. Is this the kind of guy
you want to spend a vacation with?Copy !req
1167. - This hatemonger?
- I don't hate gay people!Copy !req
1168. - So you love them?
- Yes!Copy !req
1169. - I mean, no!
- Textbook closet case. Self-loather.Copy !req
1170. Can't be comfortable
with his own sexuality.Copy !req
1171. Brodie told me to give this to you.Copy !req
1172. Are you watching this stuff, man?
It's messed up!Copy !req
1173. I don't want to be here when that tape
does what I think it's going to do.Copy !req
1174. Miss Suitor-ette, how about
you answer a question for me?Copy !req
1175. - Um... I don't think that...
- How strong are your convictions?Copy !req
1176. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1177. How easily do you quit?
Say you wind up with one of us.Copy !req
1178. Hopefully not Rush Limbaugh,
over here.Copy !req
1179. I'm not like Rush Limbaugh!Copy !req
1180. Why not, because he's fat? You got
something against fat people, too?Copy !req
1181. Snootchy bootchies!
Are you ready?Copy !req
1182. Hi...Copy !req
1183. Would you be interested in partaking
in some psycho-behavioral research?Copy !req
1184. Uh... if I have a conviction,
I stick to it.Copy !req
1185. Were you ever in love?Copy !req
1186. - Yes, as a matter of fact.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
1187. What happened to your boyfriend?Copy !req
1188. - We broke up.
- Why?Copy !req
1189. - It just didn't work out.
- I mean, were you unhappy?Copy !req
1190. - Sometimes.
- Why?Copy !req
1191. - T.S.?
- Hey, what about the rest of us?Copy !req
1192. Why don't you ask me a question?Copy !req
1193. Suitor Number Two.Copy !req
1194. - Hey, what about me?
- Gil, just shut your face up!Copy !req
1195. Second Suitor...Copy !req
1196. Would you ever make whoopee
in public?Copy !req
1197. Already did once today.Copy !req
1198. Second Suitor,Copy !req
1199. if you were a comic-book character,
what character would you be?Copy !req
1200. Wow, that's a great question.Copy !req
1201. A tough one, though.
What does one gauge his response on?Copy !req
1202. Physical prowess?
Keen detection skills?Copy !req
1203. The ability to banter well
with super villains?Copy !req
1204. How's your comic-book collection,
Brodie?Copy !req
1205. It's going good. But I mean...Copy !req
1206. Oh, comics?
What are you talking about, lady?Copy !req
1207. I don't collect comics.
Comics are for kids!Copy !req
1208. I knew it.Copy !req
1209. Suitor Number One, you just don't know
when to quit, do you?Copy !req
1210. No, no. But you sure do.
I thought you were in love.Copy !req
1211. I was in love.Copy !req
1212. But I thought that I had a partner.Copy !req
1213. Somebody who wouldn't fall to pieces
when things didn't go his way.Copy !req
1214. How so?Copy !req
1215. My father needed a contestant
for his show, T.S.Copy !req
1216. - What was I supposed to do?
- Show a little backbone.Copy !req
1217. Show a little backbone?
What did you do?Copy !req
1218. When I walked away, did you make
any effort to repair that breach?Copy !req
1219. No, you just ran offCopy !req
1220. and cried on the shoulder
of Bumble the Boy Wonder over there.Copy !req
1221. Boy Wonder? I'm all man, lady!Copy !req
1222. So you're here now and
you're ruining my father's new show.Copy !req
1223. You're airing all our personal business
on stage.Copy !req
1224. You've gone this far, T.S., why don't you
just tell them the whole story?Copy !req
1225. There we were, mere hours from
spending an entire week togetherCopy !req
1226. away from our family, school.Copy !req
1227. She throws in the towel
because her daddy says so.Copy !req
1228. The girl who was meant to be
sitting in this chair died in a pool.Copy !req
1229. And when I tried to explain this to him,
he was such an airhead about it,Copy !req
1230. that even though it killed me
to do it, I broke up with him.Copy !req
1231. You know, I've been crying all day.Copy !req
1232. But what did he do?
He just goes on with his life.Copy !req
1233. I mean, here he is.
He's hanging out at a mall.Copy !req
1234. You put yourself on an auction block
for God's sake,Copy !req
1235. in front of a live studio audience!Copy !req
1236. Do I get a chance to field
any more questions?Copy !req
1237. No!Copy !req
1238. I think I should say something here.
I know both of you pretty well.Copy !req
1239. Suitor-ette, Suitor Number One has
done nothing but pine over you all dayCopy !req
1240. trying to figure out a way
to win you back.Copy !req
1241. When this public opportunity
to literally do that arose,Copy !req
1242. he risked life and limb,Copy !req
1243. and faced the odds to get up here
and give it his best shot.Copy !req
1244. I'm tired of this whole thing!
You're both ecstatic for each other!Copy !req
1245. Forget about the stuff that happened
and do what you're supposed to!Copy !req
1246. I think the audience
would agree with me there.Copy !req
1247. Well, ask her, you silly blockhead!Copy !req
1248. Miss Suitor-ette,Copy !req
1249. Suitor Number One loves you,Copy !req
1250. has always loved you,
and will always love you.Copy !req
1251. He's only got one question
that he'd like to ask.Copy !req
1252. Will you marry me?Copy !req
1253. Yes.Copy !req
1254. (Jay) Snootchy bootchies,
Brodie-nootchies!Copy !req
1255. - Are we set or what?
- Good to go.Copy !req
1256. Oh, a sailboat.Copy !req
1257. I think it's safe to say,
we've made our match.Copy !req
1258. These two lucky people will soon
be winging their wayCopy !req
1259. to beautiful, sunny Florida
for a week of theme parks, beachesCopy !req
1260. and a lot more from the look of it.Copy !req
1261. Well, I guess that about
wraps it up for...Copy !req
1262. Not just yet, Pat Sajak.Copy !req
1263. Alright?Copy !req
1264. You! Alright.Copy !req
1265. I believe you have something
that belongs to me.Copy !req
1266. Yeah? What's that?Copy !req
1267. Not you, airhead! The girl.Copy !req
1268. You have my heart.Copy !req
1269. What can I say? I love the reject.Copy !req
1270. Wait a minute. I thought tonight
we were supposed to, you know...Copy !req
1271. Hey, Hamilton!Copy !req
1272. Let's try to wrap this up, alright?
I promised her breakfast.Copy !req
1273. Alright, that's it.Copy !req
1274. You're dead, mallrat.
I'm gonna foul you up beyond repair!Copy !req
1275. Sailboat. Sailboat.
Sailboat. Sailboat...Copy !req
1276. Ladies and gentlemen,
this tall drink of water headed my wayCopy !req
1277. is a pillar of the shopping communityCopy !req
1278. who informed me earlier today
of a nefarious plan of his...Copy !req
1279. Holy snot.Copy !req
1280. Well, without further ado,
I'd like to present you allCopy !req
1281. with an accurate portrayal
of the proprietor of Fashionable Male.Copy !req
1282. Now, Silent Bob!Copy !req
1283. I said now, Silent Bob!Copy !req
1284. When, Lord? When the heck do I get
to see the gosh darn sailboat?Copy !req
1285. Now, now, now!Copy !req
1286. 'Could you hurry it up?
You've got five minutes left.'Copy !req
1287. 'Hey, thanks a lot.'Copy !req
1288. This is one wacky game show.Copy !req
1289. Hey, that girl's only 15.Copy !req
1290. Oh, 15? I thought she was 36.Copy !req
1291. Hey, come on, guys.Copy !req
1292. Hey, you know where you're going,Copy !req
1293. they put people
in a very confining place.Copy !req
1294. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1295. Hey! Hey! You can't strike
a prisoner in police custody.Copy !req
1296. Oh, come on, just once?Copy !req
1297. Alright, but make it fast.Copy !req
1298. Would you have gone on vacation
with the winner?Copy !req
1299. What do you think?Copy !req
1300. I don't know,
I think you would have.Copy !req
1301. But I would've sent you a postcard.Copy !req
1302. What's wrong with me?Copy !req
1303. If the tape was out of your reach,
how the hell did you get it?Copy !req
1304. The Jedi mind trick!Copy !req
1305. Holy snot!
Mind-blowing Yoda and stuff!Copy !req
1306. Adventure? Excitement?
A Jedi craves not these things.Copy !req
1307. Did you see that stuff?
You call that romance?Copy !req
1308. I call that illegal.Copy !req
1309. So...Copy !req
1310. So what?Copy !req
1311. I was just wondering, if maybe
you're not busy tomorrow night...Copy !req
1312. Yeah?Copy !req
1313. Would you like to come over to my house
for dinner and meet my mother?Copy !req
1314. I can't guarantee
she'll like you, but...Copy !req
1315. It was just a warm-up.
Please, come on?Copy !req
1316. The show would always go smoother
and be less racy.Copy !req
1317. The show was a piece of junk.
Unoriginal, uninspired, you know.Copy !req
1318. The only thing that saved it
was this guy here.Copy !req
1319. Hi, I'm Bentley Garrison,
with the network.Copy !req
1320. Me and Mason thought
you were hysterical.Copy !req
1321. Hilarious.
You've got great presence, kid.Copy !req
1322. Have you ever considered
hosting your own talk show?Copy !req
1323. - Yeah.
- Aargh, him?Copy !req
1324. Excuse me, sir?
Are you the producer of this program?Copy !req
1325. Of course I am, you stupid jerk!Copy !req
1326. And I want those two guys
arrested over there.Copy !req
1327. - Sir, you're under arrest.
- What for?Copy !req
1328. For broadcasting lewd
or indecent images in a public forumCopy !req
1329. and for violation of about nineteen
X.C.C. regulations.Copy !req
1330. And for vomiting on my shoes.Copy !req
1331. Yeah?Copy !req