1. I mean we work together here-Copy !req
2. Frankie. Excuse me.Copy !req
3. Hi. How are you?Copy !req
4. I couldn't help but notice
that you touched your hairCopy !req
5. and then you touched the glass
right afterwards.Copy !req
6. This isn't a fucking barn and
it's also not rocket surgery.Copy !req
7. - I'm sorry.
- Rocket surgery?Copy !req
8. What's rocket surgery?Copy !req
9. Can you please straighten
your body and get back to work?Copy !req
10. Thank you.Copy !req
11. - Wow.
- (Frankie sighs)Copy !req
12. Hi, it's mama.Copy !req
13. You never pick up the phone.Copy !req
14. Have you been drinking?Copy !req
15. I think you should come home
if you're notCopy !req
16. going to school and you're
just making those weird videos.Copy !req
17. I'm sorry?Copy !req
18. I can't understand you
through the-Copy !req
19. I said...Copy !req
20. Oh.
You filming me?Copy !req
21. - No, I-
- Come clean.Copy !req
22. No, I'm...Copy !req
23. You were in the frame,
but I was filming the...Copy !req
24. There's all these people
and there's this paintingCopy !req
25. just hanging there.Copy !req
26. Can I see?Copy !req
27. Uh...Copy !req
28. Yeah.Copy !req
29. Yeah, no, that's kinda great.Copy !req
30. Thank you.Copy !req
31. All right,
you gotta hold my cheeseCopy !req
32. and you gotta take care
of my head.Copy !req
33. All right, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
34. Hey folks, can I, can I have
everybody's attention please?Copy !req
35. On the wall behind me,Copy !req
36. it's not just a pretty picture
to distract youCopy !req
37. while you're waiting in line
to take a shit.Copy !req
38. And to be honest,
the way that you guys areCopy !req
39. treating this painting
is upsetting my friend.Copy !req
40. This is a man's soul right here.Copy !req
41. Yeah.Copy !req
42. And he's,
he's bearing it in the hopesCopy !req
43. that for a split second, you
will go beyond your own lives.Copy !req
44. Go beyond your need
to just buy things.Copy !req
45. So ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
46. This is...Copy !req
47. This is a way out.Copy !req
48. You know?Copy !req
49. Ah, ha ha ha ha, ho!Copy !req
50. So eat it up.Copy !req
51. Don't eat shoes.
Don't eat skateboards.Copy !req
52. Don't eat nail polish.
Eat the art.Copy !req
53. Eat the art! Eat the art!Copy !req
54. Eat the art!Copy !req
55. It tastes good.
It tastes really good.Copy !req
56. Eat the art.Copy !req
57. All together now.Copy !req
58. Eat the art.Copy !req
59. Eat the art, eat the art,Copy !req
60. eat the art, eat the art,Copy !req
61. eat the art.Copy !req
62. They don't want you
to hear this,Copy !req
63. they want you to keep shopping!Copy !req
64. Was that a smile?Copy !req
65. No.Copy !req
66. No, I just have something
in my eye.Copy !req
67. Will you look at it?Copy !req
68. I really think I have
something in my eye.Copy !req
69. - Ew, ew.
- No, don't you see it?Copy !req
70. Is it an eyelash
or like a bug or something?Copy !req
71. - Do you see-
- So fucking gross.Copy !req
72. Hey Frankie.Copy !req
73. Romeo.Copy !req
74. You done flirting?Copy !req
75. Uh, Judy needs you to sub in.Copy !req
76. What?Copy !req
77. For her act tonight.Copy !req
78. The baby's not coming, so...Copy !req
79. That's pretty rough.Copy !req
80. No.Copy !req
81. Shots.Copy !req
82. No.Copy !req
83. Let's get weird.Copy !req
84. Wasn't he wonderful?Copy !req
85. Oh my gosh.Copy !req
86. I'm so happy to see you.Copy !req
87. Hello, I'm Judy and this is
my husband, Marty, over there.Copy !req
88. Say hello Marty.Copy !req
89. Now, let's bring out Faith.Copy !req
90. Oh my god.Copy !req
91. Hey.Copy !req
92. Hay is for horses.Copy !req
93. Kandinsky.Copy !req
94. From the mall last week.Copy !req
95. I gotta talk to this girl
real quick.Copy !req
96. Oh yeah.Copy !req
97. Yeah. You lost me my job.Copy !req
98. What?Copy !req
99. So you're a cockroach now?Copy !req
100. - Yeah.
- What are you doing?Copy !req
101. - That'll be a buck.
- Uh, okay.Copy !req
102. Go around.Copy !req
103. Hey, I really want to talk
to you.Copy !req
104. Can I have your number?Copy !req
105. No.Copy !req
106. No, I don't got one.Copy !req
107. You don't have a phone?Copy !req
108. Well, I don't need one.Copy !req
109. How do I get a hold of you?Copy !req
110. Hollywood and lvar.Copy !req
111. - Hollywood and lvar?
- Yeah.Copy !req
112. The corner?Copy !req
113. On the roof, after five.Copy !req
114. Okay.Copy !req
115. No, not yet!
Yo, wait, we're walking!Copy !req
116. Pedestrians got
the right of way, man.Copy !req
117. Shit.Copy !req
118. All right, show me your best.Copy !req
119. - (splashes)
- Not bad.Copy !req
120. How did I do, cockroach man?Copy !req
121. That was...Copy !req
122. That's a five.
Ah, come on.Copy !req
123. Five?Copy !req
124. What do you call this?Copy !req
125. It's a jack knife.Copy !req
126. - A jack knife?
- Yup.Copy !req
127. And what do you call
that cockroach costume?Copy !req
128. That's my day job.Copy !req
129. Think you can do better?Copy !req
130. Uh, yes.Copy !req
131. Hey.Copy !req
132. - (splashing)
- Oh!Copy !req
133. Yeah!
(clapping)Copy !req
134. Seriously?Copy !req
135. It's like a five.Copy !req
136. What am I gonna say?
It's a five.Copy !req
137. I filmed your speech
and I posted it on YouTubeCopy !req
138. and it's doing really well.Copy !req
139. Like really, really,
really well,Copy !req
140. and it's already got like,
2000 views.Copy !req
141. Uh, is that a lot?Copy !req
142. For me, yeah.Copy !req
143. I only have like, you know,
barely 100 subscribers.Copy !req
144. I don't know,
people are commenting thingsCopy !req
145. and it's all really positive
and...Copy !req
146. That's good.Copy !req
147. How was that?Copy !req
148. That's a seven.Copy !req
149. Sammy, time to go.Copy !req
150. Say goodbye to your friend Link.Copy !req
151. But we're not finished.Copy !req
152. That's all right,
we'll finish later.Copy !req
153. Okay?Copy !req
154. Come on, Sammy.Copy !req
155. Thanks for watching her.Copy !req
156. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
157. Good for you.Copy !req
158. I'd like to give you
my informationCopy !req
159. so that if you want
to find me, you can.Copy !req
160. I work at Magic Alley Bar.Copy !req
161. Is that a bar for magicians?Copy !req
162. No, it's, sometimes
there are magicians thereCopy !req
163. but it's just a regular bar.Copy !req
164. It's not even that far
from here.Copy !req
165. Oh, I'm gonna check
roach man's schedule.Copy !req
166. He's a busy guy.Copy !req
167. Okay, I'm gonna put it
in your shoe.Copy !req
168. I don't get people's taste
anymore.Copy !req
169. People don't have taste anymore.Copy !req
170. They are just horny.Copy !req
171. Well that really depressing.Copy !req
172. - Makes me wanna cry.
- (water spurting)Copy !req
173. - It's good, right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
174. You know what else
makes me really sad?Copy !req
175. Well hello boys and girls.Copy !req
176. Don't you just love feathers
and bells?Copy !req
177. I'm hungry.Copy !req
178. You little baby.Copy !req
179. She needs her milk.Copy !req
180. Nice, warm milk.Copy !req
181. - Goo goo goo goo goo.
- (clapping)Copy !req
182. Yes.Copy !req
183. Oh, wait, something smells.Copy !req
184. That could be some gas.Copy !req
185. - Burp, baby, burp.
- (people laughing)Copy !req
186. - Some gas.
- Stop!Copy !req
187. Whoa!Copy !req
188. What the?Copy !req
189. Stop, stop!Copy !req
190. Let me see this.Copy !req
191. I'm gonna get you out of here.Copy !req
192. - Trust me.
- The gas man.Copy !req
193. Oh! Listen up,
you motherfudgers!Copy !req
194. (laughs)
Whoa.Copy !req
195. This shit isn't funny.Copy !req
196. - Hey!
- This shit's just mean.Copy !req
197. Yo, let the old lady
finish her act, you freak.Copy !req
198. Oh, yo, you want to come upCopy !req
199. and suck on the bottle
while everybody laughs?Copy !req
200. Be my guest, you Nazi cracker!Copy !req
201. Nazi cra...Copy !req
202. Hey! Take your ass back
to the loony bin, why don't you?Copy !req
203. - Yeah.
- Oh, this is so funny,Copy !req
204. - isn't it, Marty?
- (tense music)Copy !req
205. Fuck you!Copy !req
206. Oh, look, he knows how to run!Copy !req
207. Fuck.Copy !req
208. - (clapping)
- (tense, dramatic music)Copy !req
209. That's Hollywood,
when even the bugsCopy !req
210. love the spotlight.Copy !req
211. - You okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
212. I got it. I got it.Copy !req
213. Okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
214. - You good?
- Hey, he's with me.Copy !req
215. He's with me. He's my friend.Copy !req
216. - He's my friend.
- I'm good.Copy !req
217. Come on.Copy !req
218. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
219. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
220. - Hey.
- (Link laughing)Copy !req
221. Thank you for the service.Copy !req
222. The first class service.
Thank you.Copy !req
223. Oh my God.Copy !req
224. You do know that they pay me
to do that.Copy !req
225. Well...Copy !req
226. Well, you didn't seem like
you were enjoying yourself.Copy !req
227. So is uh,
is that kinda your thing?Copy !req
228. To dress up in animal costumes?Copy !req
229. Uh...Copy !req
230. Well, you know,Copy !req
231. if you're in a costume it's
easier to spot the other freaks.Copy !req
232. Can I film you?Copy !req
233. Uh, sure, weirdo.Copy !req
234. Oh.Copy !req
235. If you clean me up right here.Copy !req
236. (Frankie chuckles)
Okay.Copy !req
237. - Right here?
- Yeah.Copy !req
238. - Okay.
- (soft synth music)Copy !req
239. Will you tell me
why you don't like cell phones?Copy !req
240. Will you tell me
why you don't smoke crack?Copy !req
241. This is why.
"Cause where are you?Copy !req
242. I'm right here.Copy !req
243. Nah, you gotta kick the habit.Copy !req
244. Hey. That's mine.Copy !req
245. Hey, hey, hey.
Please give that back.Copy !req
246. Hey.Copy !req
247. Oh! (chuckles)Copy !req
248. - Do you eat peanuts?
- What?Copy !req
249. Can you eat peanuts?Copy !req
250. There's a lot of peanuts
in Thai food.Copy !req
251. I'm gonna be at the Thai place
on Bronson tomorrowCopy !req
252. if you want to come.Copy !req
253. Noon.Copy !req
254. Okay.Copy !req
255. My name is Link, by the way.Copy !req
256. Here comes your baby.Copy !req
257. Wait.Copy !req
258. Fuck!Copy !req
259. Wow, she caught it.Copy !req
260. The crowd goes wild.Copy !req
261. Asshole.Copy !req
262. - (Frankie laughs)
- That's crazy.Copy !req
263. What the...Copy !req
264. Ooh.Copy !req
265. Wee-ooh.Copy !req
266. Ooh.Copy !req
267. Whoa, Whoa.Copy !req
268. What the?Copy !req
269. Magic.Copy !req
270. Wow.Copy !req
271. So, what,
do you come here often?Copy !req
272. No, please. Please talk to me.Copy !req
273. Talk to me. Talk to me.Copy !req
274. Please come back.Copy !req
275. Just for a little bit.Copy !req
276. All right,
what do you wanna know?Copy !req
277. Tell me about your parents.Copy !req
278. They're dead.Copy !req
279. Really?Copy !req
280. Yeah.Copy !req
281. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
282. It's all right.Copy !req
283. It was a long time ago.Copy !req
284. Measles.Copy !req
285. Measles?Copy !req
286. It was the Civil War,
so, you know.Copy !req
287. Did your parents really die
or are you...Copy !req
288. Yeah.Copy !req
289. Okay, so tell me this.Copy !req
290. How does that feel?Copy !req
291. Okay.Copy !req
292. Yeah.Copy !req
293. Why don't you say something
really profound and moving,Copy !req
294. just like that?
(snaps fingers)Copy !req
295. Come on, you can do it.Copy !req
296. No, but seriously.Copy !req
297. What do you wanna do
with your life, Frankie?Copy !req
298. I don't know.Copy !req
299. Okay, well, if you did know,
what would it be?Copy !req
300. I don't know. I don't know
what I'm doing right now.Copy !req
301. I don't know what I want to do.
I don't know.Copy !req
302. You want to make art?Copy !req
303. Sure, I want to make art.Copy !req
304. Wow.Copy !req
305. That's great.Copy !req
306. All right, well what kind
of stuff you want to make?Copy !req
307. I don't know.Copy !req
308. I want to make things that
make other people feel things.Copy !req
309. All right.
Tell me about that scar.Copy !req
310. Why'd you do that?Copy !req
311. It's beautiful.
It's a part of you.Copy !req
312. All right. The intimacy
levels are too high.Copy !req
313. Abort mission.Copy !req
314. Did you even watch
the video I posted?Copy !req
315. No.Copy !req
316. People really responded to it.
To you.Copy !req
317. You don't even know
how hard it isCopy !req
318. to get views on the internet.Copy !req
319. Will you just look
at the comments?Copy !req
320. "The only thing in doubt
about your speechCopy !req
321. is whether it makes me
want to pukeCopy !req
322. or kill myself and then puke.”Copy !req
323. That's...Copy !req
324. They signed it
sincerely everyone.Copy !req
325. That's so sweet.Copy !req
326. Thank you for showing me that.Copy !req
327. There are more positive ones
than nasty ones.Copy !req
328. All right,
so what do you wanna do?Copy !req
329. Do you want to make art,Copy !req
330. or do you want to chase
affirmation from faceless strangers?Copy !req
331. Both.Copy !req
332. Get out of my house.Copy !req
333. I'm moving in.Copy !req
334. There's not enough space
for two.Copy !req
335. See.Copy !req
336. - It's super cramped.
- (Frankie laughs)Copy !req
337. It actually kind of works.Copy !req
338. And you better be better
tonight.Copy !req
339. Psst.Copy !req
340. What are you doing?Copy !req
341. Trying to keep a low profile.Copy !req
342. They don't much like me here.Copy !req
343. Remember?Copy !req
344. You got a phone?Copy !req
345. I thought phones
were crack cocaine.Copy !req
346. Well, to defeat the beast,
first you gottaCopy !req
347. get inside its belly.Copy !req
348. Look...Copy !req
349. I'm gonna cut to the chase, kid.Copy !req
350. I think you got potential.Copy !req
351. I wanna make your next picture.Copy !req
352. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
353. What? Now?Copy !req
354. Yeah, right now, let's go.Copy !req
355. No.Copy !req
356. I'm in the middle of my shift.Copy !req
357. Eh, fuck your shift.Copy !req
358. Come on.Copy !req
359. Not everyone can fuck the shift.Copy !req
360. Some people have
to go to their shifts.Copy !req
361. Some people. You want
to be those some people?Copy !req
362. No.Copy !req
363. You wanna be what then?Copy !req
364. The other kind of person.Copy !req
365. So show me. Fuck the shift.Copy !req
366. Fuck the shift.Copy !req
367. Fuck the shift.Copy !req
368. Fuck this place.Copy !req
369. Fuck this place.Copy !req
370. Fuck dressing up
in a fucking baby costume.Copy !req
371. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
372. Fuck people who shit in sinks.Copy !req
373. Fuck people who-Copy !req
374. - Wait, wh...
- Yeah.Copy !req
375. Fuck my boss, fuck my uniform.Copy !req
376. Okay, let's go.Copy !req
377. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
378. Whoa, where's your car?Copy !req
379. I sold it.Copy !req
380. I had to pay rent.Copy !req
381. Are you serious?Copy !req
382. Mhm. Let's go.Copy !req
383. Uh...Copy !req
384. Three, two, one, blast off.Copy !req
385. Whoa, watch the pole,
watch the pole.Copy !req
386. On to the new world!Copy !req
387. What if I covered your eyes?Copy !req
388. I'd be like don't cover my eyes.Copy !req
389. No, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
390. What have I done?Copy !req
391. You did an amazing thing.
(chuckles)Copy !req
392. I walked out on my job.Copy !req
393. I have no money
and no idea how to get any.Copy !req
394. This is the beginning.Copy !req
395. Of unemployment.Copy !req
396. No.Copy !req
397. Well, yeah, but of everything.Copy !req
398. Now you could just
concentrate on your art.Copy !req
399. Mhm.Copy !req
400. That's a great idea.Copy !req
401. What are you doing?Copy !req
402. I'm uncomfortable.Copy !req
403. Get out.Copy !req
404. We gotta cast demons out.Copy !req
405. - Gotta get the demons out.
- No, no, no, no.Copy !req
406. That's dumb.Copy !req
407. - No demons.
- Yeah, no, it's dumb.Copy !req
408. You gotta be dumb to be smart.Copy !req
409. No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
410. This is dumb.Copy !req
411. We have to cast 'em out.Copy !req
412. - We gotta cast 'em out.
- What are you-Copy !req
413. Cast out the demons.Copy !req
414. Come on,
I don't wanna dance alone.Copy !req
415. - Come on, dance with me.
- ; Come on and be with me [Copy !req
416. Oh, you didn't have to move.Copy !req
417. I just put it
right in your pocket.Copy !req
418. Okay fine, I won't move.Copy !req
419. No. (laughing)Copy !req
420. - Okay, you're a ninja.
- Mhm.Copy !req
421. I'm a ninja.Copy !req
422. You give one attack
and one retreat.Copy !req
423. Quick, south paw.Copy !req
424. I think my mom thinks
I'm a fuck up.Copy !req
425. You are a fuck up.Copy !req
426. She's a fuck up.Copy !req
427. I'm a fuck up.Copy !req
428. Everybody's a fuck up right now.Copy !req
429. That's just the setup.Copy !req
430. No one feels like
they belong, you know?Copy !req
431. People just exploding.Copy !req
432. You know, there are
people out there right nowCopy !req
433. who don't identify as human.Copy !req
434. They think they're animals
trapped in the wrong body,Copy !req
435. and they're driving
corporations nutsCopy !req
436. because of how do you
market sneakers to someoneCopy !req
437. who thinks he's a cat?Copy !req
438. What?Copy !req
439. That's it.Copy !req
440. What did I say?Copy !req
441. Exactly. You have to say stuff.Copy !req
442. Like the animal stuff?
What are you talking about?Copy !req
443. No.Copy !req
444. Um...Copy !req
445. Ah...Copy !req
446. Okay.Copy !req
447. That's what people
are responding to,Copy !req
448. is you saying stuff,
so all I have to doCopy !req
449. is figure out
how to capture you saying stuffCopy !req
450. without it just being you
saying stuff.Copy !req
451. Bud, you're putting me
as such a bad pos...Copy !req
452. I've seen a lot of fake IDs.Copy !req
453. This is so terrible.Copy !req
454. This is such a terrible idea.Copy !req
455. Like the sticker's coming off.
Do better.Copy !req
456. Just go get drunk.Copy !req
457. Don't get too drunk.Copy !req
458. Psst.Copy !req
459. What's up?Copy !req
460. We're starting a band.Copy !req
461. Are, are you guys high?Copy !req
462. We need a writer. We suck.Copy !req
463. Are you in?Copy !req
464. You need a writer? For what?Copy !req
465. A secret project.Copy !req
466. Oh shit, mom, I gotta go.Copy !req
467. Yo, yo, what's up?Copy !req
468. Yo, what's up?Copy !req
469. Thanks for tuning in
and checking out this video.Copy !req
470. Checking out this video.Copy !req
471. Rock effect.Copy !req
472. My motherfucking life and all
the dope ass shit around me.Copy !req
473. Parents use YouTube
as a babysitter.Copy !req
474. Like my little niece
who's seven years old,Copy !req
475. she worships these guys
who do and say nothingCopy !req
476. and promote a lifestyle
of doing and saying nothing.Copy !req
477. I don't even need this phone.Copy !req
478. Is it okay?Copy !req
479. All right. (laughs)Copy !req
480. I need it. (laughs)Copy !req
481. They're sucked in
and they're like watchingCopy !req
482. the same kind of videos
that they're always watchingCopy !req
483. and at the end, boom,
it's a satire.Copy !req
484. Yo, why is my existence so lit?Copy !req
485. Why is my life so lit?Copy !req
486. Let's start with
this eagle's nest behind me.Copy !req
487. I know how to shoot it, too.Copy !req
488. You gotta see this.Copy !req
489. Yo, eight million big ones,
eight million big ones.Copy !req
490. We've got to do
everything we canCopy !req
491. to make our thing look
as crappy as their thing.Copy !req
492. That's brilliant.Copy !req
493. All right. Let's do it.Copy !req
494. Seven bedrooms
and dos Mother Hubbard piscinas.Copy !req
495. Is that right? Is that Spanish?Copy !req
496. Think that's Italian.Copy !req
497. Regulation height
for a hoop is like 10 feet.Copy !req
498. I keep mine at seven.
You know why?Copy !req
499. I got a small penis.Copy !req
500. Hashtag be yourself.Copy !req
501. That's my message
to the world is be yourself.Copy !req
502. That's what I do
and look what I got.Copy !req
503. Hashtag swimming pool,
hashtag cocktail,Copy !req
504. hashtag this pineapple life.Copy !req
505. Yo, it's so important
to be yourself,Copy !req
506. but only your best parts only,
only your pretty parts.Copy !req
507. Not that weak shit.Copy !req
508. Yo, is that right? Is that...Copy !req
509. That's the message, right?Copy !req
510. When I see other celebrities
like on the 'gram and shit,Copy !req
511. I feel kind of bad about
myself, so I buy more stuff.Copy !req
512. Hashtag when, hashtag why,
hashtag wow.Copy !req
513. Which is great,
'cause then I just end upCopy !req
514. with so much, you know, stuff.Copy !req
515. Stuff makes me feel like,Copy !req
516. like less than empty inside,
you know?Copy !req
517. Hashtag when is it too much?Copy !req
518. Hashtag when is it all
going to stop?Copy !req
519. - Hey you!
- (gun cocks)Copy !req
520. - Shit!
- Get off my property!Copy !req
521. - We got the wrong house!
- (gunshot)Copy !req
522. - Sorry!
- Get outta here!Copy !req
523. I got, I got confused!Copy !req
524. I got confused!Copy !req
525. - Come on, come on, come on!
- Fuck!Copy !req
526. Jesus.Copy !req
527. All right, where are we?Copy !req
528. Oh my god,
I'm spiraling right now.Copy !req
529. I've been getting it all wrong.Copy !req
530. I've been poisoning y'all.Copy !req
531. You can't be following me.Copy !req
532. I don't...Copy !req
533. I ain't nothin'. I ain't nobody.Copy !req
534. I'm no one.Copy !req
535. Like I'm no one special, man.Copy !req
536. We gotta wake ourselves up.Copy !req
537. Oh, it feels so good to be free.Copy !req
538. I'm reborn, man, I'm reborn.Copy !req
539. Can you relate?Copy !req
540. Someone stole my pants.Copy !req
541. Woo!Copy !req
542. We're going back to nature,
baby.Copy !req
543. Yo, you don't need
any of that shit.Copy !req
544. You don't need any of that shit.Copy !req
545. Can I get an amen?Copy !req
546. Can I get an amen baby?Copy !req
547. Who's with me?Copy !req
548. Y'all feeling me?Copy !req
549. Can you relate?Copy !req
550. Can you relate?Copy !req
551. Yeah! You can relate!Copy !req
552. You're feeling me!Copy !req
553. - Woo!
- What the hell?Copy !req
554. Hey!Copy !req
555. Man, got any spare pants?Copy !req
556. Hey. Hey man, hey.Copy !req
557. Oh what's up, baby?Copy !req
558. - What's up?
- Face that way.Copy !req
559. - Hey, I know you!
- Face that wall.Copy !req
560. I know you.Copy !req
561. I just woke up in my soul,
in my heart.Copy !req
562. You feeling me baby?Copy !req
563. I know you feeling me baby, yes.Copy !req
564. Can I get an amen?Copy !req
565. Where am I?Copy !req
566. Where am I?Copy !req
567. Oh, I love this town.Copy !req
568. I love you. I love you so much.Copy !req
569. Holy shit.Copy !req
570. Holy shit. You gotta see this.Copy !req
571. Whoa.Copy !req
572. Look at all the comments.Copy !req
573. "I want this guy
to run me over in a truckCopy !req
574. and then reverse
over my dead body."Copy !req
575. That's interesting.Copy !req
576. Oh my God.Copy !req
577. Juanpa just sent me a selfie.Copy !req
578. He wants to do an interview
with you.Copy !req
579. Juanpa's huge.Copy !req
580. Juanpa's huge.Copy !req
581. I don't,
I don't know who that is.Copy !req
582. Guys, guys, look at the views.Copy !req
583. We are officially live,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
584. Welcome.Copy !req
585. This is a very special episodeCopy !req
586. because we got
a very rare guest.Copy !req
587. Please give it up
for No One Special.Copy !req
588. - (clapping)
- Woo hoo hoo!Copy !req
589. And by the way, I'm not
being a terrible friend here.Copy !req
590. That's how you call yourself,
right?Copy !req
591. That's my name.
It's my given name.Copy !req
592. - No.
- At birth, yeah.Copy !req
593. No One Special.Copy !req
594. Wow.Copy !req
595. No one is like one word
and then special.Copy !req
596. Like we're all kind of
no one special.Copy !req
597. That's just kind of the idea,
right?Copy !req
598. Yeah.Copy !req
599. We're all the same.
We're all equal.Copy !req
600. Okay. Okay,
let's try this again.Copy !req
601. - When I clap...
- Yeah.Copy !req
602. You, you like jump
and fall into frame.Copy !req
603. All right.Copy !req
604. So I'll clap and I'll stop
and then you jump in.Copy !req
605. All right. Let's try it.Copy !req
606. - Okay?
- Yep.Copy !req
607. Here it is.Copy !req
608. No One Special!Copy !req
609. Oh my God!Copy !req
610. I've never seen Juanpa
this happy before.Copy !req
611. A couple of questions for you.Copy !req
612. Go on.Copy !req
613. Uh...Copy !req
614. Can I just do this real quick?Copy !req
615. Yeah.Copy !req
616. Sorry, I've been wanting like,Copy !req
617. since I like laid eyes on you,Copy !req
618. I've just been wanting
to like...Copy !req
619. His name is Isaac.Copy !req
620. Oh wow.Copy !req
621. Pretty deep.Copy !req
622. Pretty deep first moments
with No One Special.Copy !req
623. I just feel like
we need experience other...Copy !req
624. All right, all right,
do we first bump now?Copy !req
625. No, I just hump you
with my beard.Copy !req
626. Can we just fist bump?
(Link laughs)Copy !req
627. Okay, anyways. Boom, bam.Copy !req
628. Your boyfriend's fine.Copy !req
629. - He's not my boyfriend.
- He's not my boyfriend.Copy !req
630. I uh, I represent Juanpa.Copy !req
631. So what's what's the next thing
for No One Special?Copy !req
632. What's the next thing
for No One...Copy !req
633. I don't know.Copy !req
634. - I'm just here with Juanpa.
- Yeah?Copy !req
635. Here with my hero Juanpa.Copy !req
636. Eh ah, I'm not your hero,
come on.Copy !req
637. You guys need anything,Copy !req
638. I want you to...Copy !req
639. - Give me a call.
- (upbeat synth pop music)Copy !req
640. Hey, just take a photo of it.Copy !req
641. Yeah, I got it.Copy !req
642. I'm Mark Schwartz.Copy !req
643. - I'm the guy behind the guy.
- I got a idea, yeah.Copy !req
644. I want to invite these guys
to join us on something.Copy !req
645. - You want to go with me?
- Bring it.Copy !req
646. Me and Juanpa
have an invitation for you.Copy !req
647. We want you to join us
tomorrow nightCopy !req
648. at Four Stone Cemetery
or go to any graveyard near you,Copy !req
649. and we,
we're gonna have a party.Copy !req
650. You're gonna bring
your cell phones,Copy !req
651. but then you're going to
place it on a grave,Copy !req
652. you're going to turn
the screen to white,Copy !req
653. and together
for one night only we're goingCopy !req
654. to experience
something real together.Copy !req
655. We are going to ghost
the internet.Copy !req
656. You, me...Copy !req
657. And Juanpa.Copy !req
658. Would you rather have
everything and understand nothingCopy !req
659. or understand everything
and have nothing?Copy !req
660. Um, have everything.Copy !req
661. Yeah, you'd understand nothing,
though.Copy !req
662. (laughing)
Yeah.Copy !req
663. That's the premise of the joke.Copy !req
664. - That's hard.
- But no,Copy !req
665. I would just eat donuts and
ride around in a baby carriageCopy !req
666. with a chauffeur and I
would buy sunglasses all day.Copy !req
667. Yes, I'd wear a muumuu.Copy !req
668. I would wear no underwear.Copy !req
669. Do another one. Do another one.Copy !req
670. Uh, would you rather
have permanent diarrheaCopy !req
671. or have penises for fingers?Copy !req
672. You'd have penises for fingers.Copy !req
673. Penis for fingers, obviously.Copy !req
674. Yeah, because like,
it'd be like this.Copy !req
675. Hey, nice to meet you.Copy !req
676. And then just like whoa.Copy !req
677. Everyone would know
how you felt all the time.Copy !req
678. - (laughing)
- Yeah.Copy !req
679. That's the only danger
'cause it's like peopleCopy !req
680. will get uncomfortable.Copy !req
681. Don't tread on that.Copy !req
682. - Okay.
- You can walk over it.Copy !req
683. Whoa.Copy !req
684. Whoa.Copy !req
685. Holy shit.Copy !req
686. - People came.
- (Link sighs)Copy !req
687. All right. Let's go say hi.Copy !req
688. Yeah.Copy !req
689. Do, um...Copy !req
690. Is that No One Special?Copy !req
691. Hey, it's No One Special.Copy !req
692. - You're even bigger in person.
- Hi.Copy !req
693. Hi, how are you?Copy !req
694. Guys, what the hell?Copy !req
695. We didn't expect anybody
to come.Copy !req
696. - Yo, yo, yo!
- (people cheering)Copy !req
697. This is crazy, this is crazy.Copy !req
698. Yo, yo, don't wake the dead.Copy !req
699. So seriously, anybody
who's still got a cellphone,Copy !req
700. put 'em on a grave
and let 'em light upCopy !req
701. like fireflies
all through the night.Copy !req
702. And then we'll just hang!Copy !req
703. Hey, this is all that mattersCopy !req
704. - is that we're all here.
- (cheering)Copy !req
705. Oh my god.Copy !req
706. It's crazy how good
at this he is, huh?Copy !req
707. No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, ho, hoCopy !req
708. no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no selfies.Copy !req
709. Tonight this is just about us
hanging out together.Copy !req
710. All of us together.
How about a hug?Copy !req
711. Give you a hug?
Yeah, I'll give you a hug.Copy !req
712. Put 'em on a gravestone,
set the screen to white.Copy !req
713. Let the battery die out
like we said, okay?Copy !req
714. Get rid of them phones man.Copy !req
715. - (man mumbles)
- Whoa, bud.Copy !req
716. Yo, who's got a drink?Copy !req
717. All right, that's good.Copy !req
718. Who's got something to smoke?Copy !req
719. Cheers, dad. I liked this one.Copy !req
720. Peach apple iced tea.Copy !req
721. Hello, this is Mark Schwartz.Copy !req
722. I hear things are really
going great down thereCopy !req
723. at the cemetery,
which I don't often say.Copy !req
724. Why don't we meet at my office
Monday morning, 10:00 AM?Copy !req
725. Who wants that?Copy !req
726. Be right back. (grunts)Copy !req
727. You're my little brother,
I love you.Copy !req
728. - Yeah, yeah.
- I just wanna talk to you.Copy !req
729. It's not a fuckin' ruse.
It's not a fuckin' ruse.Copy !req
730. Bullshit.Copy !req
731. What the fuck?
Where are you fucking going?Copy !req
732. Hey!Copy !req
733. Where are you fucking going?Copy !req
734. I was in the car with my dad.Copy !req
735. We hit a tree
and he died instantly.Copy !req
736. He was taking me
to a friend's house.Copy !req
737. - I wanted to go to this party.
- (melancholy music)Copy !req
738. No, doesn't even work.Copy !req
739. That's disgusting.Copy !req
740. Yeah, who gives a fuck
about this guy?Copy !req
741. Who's that guy that you were
talking to in the graveyard?Copy !req
742. Hey.Copy !req
743. Hey.Copy !req
744. Hey.Copy !req
745. - Hey
- Hey.Copy !req
746. These marketing assholes.
Story of my life.Copy !req
747. I'm on mute.
Don't worry about it.Copy !req
748. How are you?Copy !req
749. Sorry I've been on this call
for six hours.Copy !req
750. Hey guys. This is Mark
chiming in here again.Copy !req
751. $500,000 or go away.Copy !req
752. You've got 30 seconds
to say yes.Copy !req
753. Every time you don't say yes,Copy !req
754. it's going to go up 10 grand,
all right?Copy !req
755. Mute.Copy !req
756. I swear to God.Copy !req
757. Um, here's a bad sign.Copy !req
758. We're a sports company.Copy !req
759. We'd like to work with you.Copy !req
760. Every single executive
who works with us is fat.Copy !req
761. Mark, we can hear you.Copy !req
762. Hello?Copy !req
763. No One Special.Copy !req
764. It's a pleasure.Copy !req
765. I haven't seen everything,Copy !req
766. but what I've seen,
I really love.Copy !req
767. And you want to make
some money off us.Copy !req
768. The little I've seen,
you've changed me,Copy !req
769. and I think I don't want
to hoard that.Copy !req
770. I want everyone
to feel that way.Copy !req
771. Oh, okay.Copy !req
772. So you want us to do porn?Copy !req
773. No, I don't want you to do porn.Copy !req
774. I think he's being metaphoricalCopy !req
775. because we don't want to put
the cart before the horse.Copy !req
776. Right.Copy !req
777. So you used another metaphor
in that metaphorCopy !req
778. to explain that one?Copy !req
779. You're a writer, right?Copy !req
780. - Yeah.
- Okay, good.Copy !req
781. Here's the deal.Copy !req
782. You've got talent.Copy !req
783. Do you know where the
word talent comes from?Copy !req
784. It's Middle English.Copy !req
785. Originally talent was money.Copy !req
786. How many talents do you have?Copy !req
787. Let's say you make a video
about a gorillaCopy !req
788. eating spaghetti
who speaks French.Copy !req
789. A thousand people watch it.Copy !req
790. The algorithm hears that,
sends it to the powersCopy !req
791. that be at YouTube,
which is really not YouTube,Copy !req
792. it's their tube.Copy !req
793. They say, hey,
we see a lot of peopleCopy !req
794. are coming to you with views.Copy !req
795. Well, guess what?Copy !req
796. You qualify for a Adidas video
in front of your thing.Copy !req
797. Would you like to do that?Copy !req
798. We'll give you $10,000.Copy !req
799. That's great, right?Copy !req
800. No.Copy !req
801. What you want to do,
you go to the brands yourselfCopy !req
802. or they come to you if you
are gaining enough tractionCopy !req
803. and you aren't represented
by anything, stay yourself.Copy !req
804. Then Subway comes to you.
$200,000.Copy !req
805. That was a $200,000 sub.Copy !req
806. You want us to endorse brands.Copy !req
807. No, no, no. They endorse you.Copy !req
808. You don't endorse them.Copy !req
809. That's how we work.Copy !req
810. Do you want to be the guys
that made two cool videosCopy !req
811. and then disappeared
into the ether?Copy !req
812. Or do you want
to be No One Special?Copy !req
813. I got you the money.
I got you the stage.Copy !req
814. I'm drafting you right now
into the army.Copy !req
815. Let's go.
Tonight we parachute in.Copy !req
816. Jake, you're the writer,
you need to write it.Copy !req
817. Link, you're gonna act it,Copy !req
818. and I'm gonna figure
how to fucking do it.Copy !req
819. So we have phone or no phone.Copy !req
820. That's the question.Copy !req
821. Then we have the idea
of a game show, a talk show.Copy !req
822. What if we put
those two ideas together?Copy !req
823. Internet killed the TV star?Copy !req
824. No. Bad.Copy !req
825. Bad idea.Copy !req
826. Good idea?Copy !req
827. Oh.Copy !req
828. - (Jake groans)
- Oh, sorry, sorry.Copy !req
829. - (Jake chuckles)
- Morning.Copy !req
830. Oh, shit.Copy !req
831. You all right?Copy !req
832. Yeah.Copy !req
833. Okay.Copy !req
834. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
835. Bye, baby.Copy !req
836. You need a ride?Copy !req
837. No, I'm good. Thanks.Copy !req
838. Good work today, man.Copy !req
839. I should go, too.Copy !req
840. Of course.Copy !req
841. Yeah, 'cause I gotta, you know,Copy !req
842. I got a big night ahead of me,
SO...Copy !req
843. Oh yeah?Copy !req
844. Yeah.Copy !req
845. Oh yeah, that thing.Copy !req
846. Sorry. I forgot.Copy !req
847. - Oh it's a thing, so...
- Yeah.Copy !req
848. I wouldn't want to get in
the way of you doing a thing.Copy !req
849. Yeah.Copy !req
850. Mhm.Copy !req
851. That's what I love about you,Copy !req
852. is that you really support me
doing my thing.Copy !req
853. I think you're cool.Copy !req
854. All right, bye.Copy !req
855. I You've walked out
a hundred times ICopy !req
856. Pow, pow, pow, pow.Copy !req
857. Pow.Copy !req
858. Hey.Copy !req
859. - (laughing)
- Here we go.Copy !req
860. Here we go.Copy !req
861. Did you make those changes
on the mouse trap scene?Copy !req
862. No, we cut that, remember?Copy !req
863. We're gonna do the
greenhouse gases bit instead?Copy !req
864. No, Jake, greenhouse is cut
and mouse traps is in.Copy !req
865. Wait, what?Copy !req
866. What? No, we have to have
those moments that are serious-Copy !req
867. We like moustraps better.Copy !req
868. - We have so many goofy-
- Look.Copy !req
869. - Boo!
- The show-Copy !req
870. - Oh.
- Jesus Christ, man.Copy !req
871. Hey, you're gonna stay on
like the whole time, right?Copy !req
872. Just keep focused on him.Copy !req
873. Here we go. Here we go.Copy !req
874. Oh, you guys
have never done this before.Copy !req
875. - How you doing?
- Oh.Copy !req
876. Good.Copy !req
877. Hey.Copy !req
878. Hey, I need to uh...Copy !req
879. I...Copy !req
880. I don't know if I can do this.Copy !req
881. You're going to be great, man.Copy !req
882. Don't worry about it.
Don't overthink it.Copy !req
883. Just breathe.Copy !req
884. No, you've got to be dumb
to be smart, right?Copy !req
885. Go be dumb.Copy !req
886. If we do this,
you know there's no going back.Copy !req
887. Who wants to go back?Copy !req
888. Showtime.
(claps)Copy !req
889. Let's do it.Copy !req
890. And action.Copy !req
891. Thank you, severed hand.
(laughs)Copy !req
892. What a response.
Give a hand to the hand.Copy !req
893. I'm your host and I'm,
you know, I'm No One Special.Copy !req
894. And are you all um...Copy !req
895. You're all sitting comfortably?Copy !req
896. And when you all came
into the studio today,Copy !req
897. - (fly buzzing)
- you were asked toCopy !req
898. hand over your cell phones
and sign some, some uh,Copy !req
899. - some kind of waivers.
- (thunder rumbles)Copy !req
900. Hey, severed hand is back.Copy !req
901. I hope you read
the small print, folks,Copy !req
902. 'cause you've just signed
your phones over to me.Copy !req
903. Oh.Copy !req
904. The atmosphere
is suddenly so tense.Copy !req
905. Can you feel it at home, kids?Copy !req
906. As we play Your Phone
or Your Dignity? (laughs)Copy !req
907. Sorry.Copy !req
908. - I don't remember.
- (cheering)Copy !req
909. Am I going here?
Where am I going, Candice?Copy !req
910. Over there?Copy !req
911. Candice told me to go here.Copy !req
912. I don't even know.Copy !req
913. Let's see who we got. Hi.Copy !req
914. Everybody's miserable.Copy !req
915. Everybody's so sad.Copy !req
916. Why is everyone so...Copy !req
917. It's a game show. It's fun.Copy !req
918. Excuse me. Let me squeeze.Copy !req
919. Bring the music, music down.
We can't hear.Copy !req
920. Cut the music!Copy !req
921. That's the cue to cut the-Copy !req
922. So sir, what's your name?
Where are you from?Copy !req
923. Um, my name is Martin.Copy !req
924. I'm from Temecula.Copy !req
925. Beautiful name, beautiful place.Copy !req
926. God's country.
Had an aunt from Temecula.Copy !req
927. You want to feel my carpet?Copy !req
928. Um...Copy !req
929. Yeah you do!Copy !req
930. Let's go.Copy !req
931. Here we are, me and Martin.Copy !req
932. Come on, feel it.Copy !req
933. You wanna lay on it?Copy !req
934. Oh, sure.Copy !req
935. How does that feel?Copy !req
936. It feels like just great,
smooth.Copy !req
937. Smooth ass carpet.Copy !req
938. Smooth carpet.Copy !req
939. All right,
enough fooling around folks.Copy !req
940. Let's get on with the show.Copy !req
941. One simple question for you,
Martin.Copy !req
942. How badly do you need
your phone?Copy !req
943. Um, I mean, yeah,
I use it all the time.Copy !req
944. Right. Don't we all?Copy !req
945. Well, Martin,
it is your lucky dayCopy !req
946. because you get to walk away
with $100Copy !req
947. and one of these
brand spanking new devices.Copy !req
948. These phones come with
no camera and no internetCopy !req
949. which means freedom from self
obsession and social media.Copy !req
950. What a prize, am I right?Copy !req
951. Or, Martin, you can complete
one of our challengesCopy !req
952. to retrieve your old, needy,
soul sucking phone.Copy !req
953. It was like 800 bucks.Copy !req
954. Yeah, I need it.
I use it all the time.Copy !req
955. Well if you want
your phone back, Martin,Copy !req
956. you're going to have to
wrestle this guy for it.Copy !req
957. Come and get your phone, Martin.Copy !req
958. Chee-hoo!Copy !req
959. Ah!Copy !req
960. I'm backing you, Martin.Copy !req
961. Yes.Copy !req
962. Oh come on, Martin.Copy !req
963. You're better than this.Copy !req
964. Isn't he doing great?Copy !req
965. And, ah, he's got it.Copy !req
966. Give it up for Martin
from Temecula, I guess.Copy !req
967. I got my phone.Copy !req
968. He got his phone back.Copy !req
969. Welcome to the rest
of your life, Martin.Copy !req
970. I'm Charles Melton and I'm
here with No One Special.Copy !req
971. We're about to destroy
Chuck's phone.Copy !req
972. - Woo!
- Got it!Copy !req
973. Chuck M killed it.
No One Special.Copy !req
974. Stay tuned.Copy !req
975. NoOneSpecial.com.Copy !req
976. Peace!Copy !req
977. Love you, No One Special.Copy !req
978. I fucking love you.Copy !req
979. I choose...Copy !req
980. My dignity.Copy !req
981. Hey gorgeous.Copy !req
982. I just wanted to say I'm sorryCopy !req
983. that we're not doing
the twinning politicians thing.Copy !req
984. Yeah. Okay, sure.Copy !req
985. You know I see you, right?Copy !req
986. You see me?Copy !req
987. I see you flirting
with that girl.Copy !req
988. I see you.Copy !req
989. You call that flirting? Well...Copy !req
990. Yeah.Copy !req
991. Oh no, I'll show you flirting.Copy !req
992. I'll take you to the back room
right now.Copy !req
993. Thought you've taken
enough people to the back room.Copy !req
994. Don't hurt her.Copy !req
995. I love that, Jake. I love it.Copy !req
996. Eh uh, how else can I say it?Copy !req
997. I'm just,
I'm getting a little antsy.Copy !req
998. But I don't understand,
antsy about what?Copy !req
999. Specifically what's going wrong?Copy !req
1000. It's not a nosedive.Copy !req
1001. It's more like, um,
like a little,Copy !req
1002. like a little, um...Copy !req
1003. Just spit it out, Mark.Copy !req
1004. We're down about 15%
since the last episode.Copy !req
1005. If you don't do something,
you will lose more.Copy !req
1006. It's science.Copy !req
1007. Just shake it up.Copy !req
1008. Get people interested again.Copy !req
1009. Get 'em back up.Copy !req
1010. It all corrects itself.Copy !req
1011. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
1012. I'm busting my assCopy !req
1013. and you're writing
the same old tired shit.Copy !req
1014. I've been saying that for weeks.Copy !req
1015. You guys told me that I
had to stick to the formula.Copy !req
1016. It was working, now it's not.Copy !req
1017. We're all clear
it's not Jake's fault.Copy !req
1018. I wrote the greenhouse gases
bit and then that got cut.Copy !req
1019. Yeah, 'cause climate change
isn't sexy right now, Jake.Copy !req
1020. I'm sorry.
Climate change isn't sexy?Copy !req
1021. Are you out of your mind?Copy !req
1022. I didn't know the end of the
world is supposed to be sexy.Copy !req
1023. Can you take the cotton
out of your earsCopy !req
1024. and put it in your mouth
for one secondCopy !req
1025. and listen to Mark?Copy !req
1026. We're losing views
and we need to get them back up,Copy !req
1027. so we need to write stuff
that's new,Copy !req
1028. not cliche, not boring.Copy !req
1029. Well it won't be boring
when the polar bearsCopy !req
1030. are scratching
at our front door becauseCopy !req
1031. - their habitats are melted.
- Fuck.Copy !req
1032. And it won't be boring
when we don't haveCopy !req
1033. any clean water to drink.Copy !req
1034. We need to get
Jake's soapbox in here, guys.Copy !req
1035. Get the viewers back up
before we lose anymore.Copy !req
1036. It's very simple.Copy !req
1037. Come up with something amazing
and new, now.Copy !req
1038. I know you hate me.Copy !req
1039. You're going to love me soon.
Trust me.Copy !req
1040. Welcome to fuckin' life, baby.Copy !req
1041. Where's the chocolate?Copy !req
1042. Are you too high and mighty?Copy !req
1043. Mm, yeah.Copy !req
1044. And you know what a fuckin'Copy !req
1045. hungry polar bear
will really do?Copy !req
1046. Eat you.Copy !req
1047. It will eat you.Copy !req
1048. You can love it from here.Copy !req
1049. Let me tell you, if you
ever met a real polar bear,Copy !req
1050. they would fuckin' eat you.Copy !req
1051. I got an idea.Copy !req
1052. What if we shifted
the way people behave online?Copy !req
1053. Not trying to take away
the phone,Copy !req
1054. but trying to put the soul back
into the phone?Copy !req
1055. What do you say we shake it up
a little bit, folks?Copy !req
1056. There's someone I'm looking for.Copy !req
1057. There's someone...Copy !req
1058. Do we have an Isabelle Roberts?Copy !req
1059. Isabelle Roberts?Copy !req
1060. Yes?Copy !req
1061. Okay, and bring around
the camera on Isabelle.Copy !req
1062. Sweetheart,
what are you waiting for?Copy !req
1063. Destiny awaits!Copy !req
1064. I don't know about this.Copy !req
1065. Yeah, you made that very clear
in the room.Copy !req
1066. Let's let it play out.Copy !req
1067. Isabelle.Copy !req
1068. That's sexy.Copy !req
1069. Hi.Copy !req
1070. So Isabelle,
my source is telling me,Copy !req
1071. you mind if I lean on you?Copy !req
1072. My source is telling me
you're a big fan of Instagram,Copy !req
1073. - is that right?
- Mhm.Copy !req
1074. Okay. So let's have a look
at your best shot.Copy !req
1075. - Yeah.
- Whoa!Copy !req
1076. - Beautiful.
- What?Copy !req
1077. You gotta warn me next timeCopy !req
1078. there's gonna be a supermodel
in the room.Copy !req
1079. Here we go.Copy !req
1080. What's your secret, Isabelle,
for looking so damn fresh?Copy !req
1081. I don't, I don't know.Copy !req
1082. I drink a lot of water,
I guess, and try to eat well.Copy !req
1083. Well, let's have a look
at the original versionCopy !req
1084. of the photo we found
on your phone.Copy !req
1085. No, no...Copy !req
1086. (audience exclaims)
Oh.Copy !req
1087. Did you know
that she had a birthmark?Copy !req
1088. That's a...Copy !req
1089. It's a birthmark.Copy !req
1090. Well...Copy !req
1091. Yeah.Copy !req
1092. Well I don't, I don't see it...Copy !req
1093. I don't see it now.Copy !req
1094. I have my makeup on.Copy !req
1095. Oh, of course.Copy !req
1096. Well, you know what?Copy !req
1097. I think that's just another
beautiful part of yourself.Copy !req
1098. What do you guys think?Copy !req
1099. Yeah!Copy !req
1100. Proud. She's proud.Copy !req
1101. Tell me something,
how many likes do you thinkCopy !req
1102. this version of the photo
would get?Copy !req
1103. Uh, I would, I would never...Copy !req
1104. I wouldn't.Copy !req
1105. Are you prepared to let
the world see the real you?Copy !req
1106. What do you mean?Copy !req
1107. You're not gonna...Copy !req
1108. Oh no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
1109. No, no, I'm not.
I'm not gonna do anything.Copy !req
1110. You are.Copy !req
1111. Isabelle.Copy !req
1112. If you hit this button,Copy !req
1113. the original version
of this photoCopy !req
1114. will be sent out
to all your followersCopy !req
1115. with the hashtag the real me,Copy !req
1116. and you'll walk away
with $400 and your phoneCopy !req
1117. and a tremendous amount
of self-respect and liberation.Copy !req
1118. So what should she do audience?Copy !req
1119. - Does she press the button?
- (audience applause)Copy !req
1120. Um, will you just mostly
stay on the wide for now?Copy !req
1121. Thank you.Copy !req
1122. I mean, it's pretty clear
what they want,Copy !req
1123. but it's up to you, Isabelle.Copy !req
1124. So what's it gonna be?Copy !req
1125. Your phone or your vanity?Copy !req
1126. I can't, I can't.Copy !req
1127. This is the best.Copy !req
1128. Everyone in the audience
can see it.Copy !req
1129. What are you afraid of, darling?Copy !req
1130. That these people at home
will think that you're ugly,Copy !req
1131. that they'll think
you're rejectable?Copy !req
1132. That they'll think
you're unlovable?Copy !req
1133. We are in trouble, folks. Woo.Copy !req
1134. We got innocent,
pure angels who haveCopy !req
1135. somehow been brainwashed.Copy !req
1136. We are disfiguring ourselves.Copy !req
1137. Taking needles,
shoving them in our faces.Copy !req
1138. They're taking our chins
and they'reCopy !req
1139. putting them in our asses.Copy !req
1140. You're saving polar bears
right now, Jake.Copy !req
1141. Okay, come on.Copy !req
1142. Stop it.Copy !req
1143. - Are you gonna stop this.
- Look, it couldCopy !req
1144. - be really powerful.
- No, are you gonna stop this?Copy !req
1145. - Look at her face.
- It could be really powerful.Copy !req
1146. Let it cook, let it cook.Copy !req
1147. Are we going insane?
Are we going crazy?Copy !req
1148. I feel like I'm going crazy
every damn day.Copy !req
1149. She's cracking.Copy !req
1150. You can't stop 'em mid crack.Copy !req
1151. That's what they're doing,
Isabelle,Copy !req
1152. that's what they've done to you.Copy !req
1153. I can't watch,
but I can't stop watching.Copy !req
1154. Are we going to take
this shit anymore?Copy !req
1155. No!Copy !req
1156. Is Isabelle going to
take this shit anymore?Copy !req
1157. No!Copy !req
1158. You got to lead
the revolution, Isabelle,Copy !req
1159. and it's oh so simple.Copy !req
1160. All you must do
is hit that button.Copy !req
1161. Look at her face.Copy !req
1162. You're not gonna stop this?Copy !req
1163. We're stopping nothing,
my friend.Copy !req
1164. I'm gonna stop this.Copy !req
1165. What are we stopping?Copy !req
1166. This? No, no, no, no.Copy !req
1167. - (Isabelle sobbing)
- Stop crying.Copy !req
1168. Stop crying right now.Copy !req
1169. That's all you must do to
lead the revolution, Isabelle.Copy !req
1170. She did it, folks!Copy !req
1171. We're free now! And I'm free!Copy !req
1172. Stop crying.Copy !req
1173. Grow up.Copy !req
1174. Stop your fucking crying
right now.Copy !req
1175. Don't do this to me.Copy !req
1176. Don't ruin this for me.Copy !req
1177. Pull it together.Copy !req
1178. Just stop it.Copy !req
1179. - Hey, back up.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
1180. Hey. You all right?Copy !req
1181. - I got it, I got it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1182. She's great.Copy !req
1183. - She's great.
- I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1184. I'm really, really sorry,
all right?Copy !req
1185. That wasn't scripted.Copy !req
1186. You can't treat people
like that, okay?Copy !req
1187. I told you
you couldn't go there.Copy !req
1188. And I hope that you understandCopy !req
1189. that we're going to
make it up to you.Copy !req
1190. Do you want to get up here
and give it a try?Copy !req
1191. - Guys.
- Come here, baby.Copy !req
1192. Give me a kiss.Copy !req
1193. - You're a straight-up psychopath.
- Jake!Copy !req
1194. Back off, back off,
back off, back off.Copy !req
1195. - You're a psychopath.
- Jake, you gotta stop.Copy !req
1196. - You're outta line.
- I'm outta line?Copy !req
1197. - Jake you gotta stop.
- That was out of line!Copy !req
1198. - That was out line.
- Please calm down,Copy !req
1199. - please calm down.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1200. This is our head writer, Jake,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
1201. He's having some kind
of a nervous breakdown.Copy !req
1202. - Hey, hey, hey!
- Stop.Copy !req
1203. - This is fucking bullshit.
- Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.Copy !req
1204. Goodbye.Copy !req
1205. Can you give them
a helping hand?Copy !req
1206. - Give him a little hand, folks.
- (clapping)Copy !req
1207. - Jake, please, okay.
- This is ridiculous.Copy !req
1208. - This is the same-
- Please, calm down.Copy !req
1209. Please, let's go talk about it.Copy !req
1210. - Please.
- Jake, goodbye, goodbye.Copy !req
1211. Take care of yourself.Copy !req
1212. Get better soon. Wow.Copy !req
1213. You think you know somebody,
and then you don't.Copy !req
1214. Jake. Jake.
Jake, you have to calm down.Copy !req
1215. He was bullying that girl.Copy !req
1216. No, she's fine.Copy !req
1217. I spoke to her.Copy !req
1218. - We're gonna edit around it.
- No, she's not fine.Copy !req
1219. She's sobbing
on the side of the stage.Copy !req
1220. Look, he was trying
something new for the show.Copy !req
1221. Fuck the show.Copy !req
1222. Who cares about the stupid show?Copy !req
1223. I do. I care about the show.Copy !req
1224. I cared about the show too,Copy !req
1225. when we were satirizing
awful people.Copy !req
1226. Now we are the awful people.Copy !req
1227. I want you to wake up
'cause you're getting swept upCopy !req
1228. in this bullshit
and you'd see itCopy !req
1229. if you weren't busy
slutting around with him.Copy !req
1230. You're so jealous of him,
it's pathetic.Copy !req
1231. I quit.Copy !req
1232. But it's up to you.Copy !req
1233. The choice is ultimately yours.Copy !req
1234. What's it gonna be, Isabelle?Copy !req
1235. Your phone, or your vanity?Copy !req
1236. What's it going to be Isabelle?Copy !req
1237. Your phone, or your vanity?Copy !req
1238. Who am I?Copy !req
1239. I'm worthless.Copy !req
1240. I hate myself.Copy !req
1241. I'm No One Special.Copy !req
1242. Cut.Copy !req
1243. That was great.Copy !req
1244. - We got it.
- All right, well done.Copy !req
1245. Good work guys.Copy !req
1246. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
1247. Uh, you guys can pack up
and head home.Copy !req
1248. Thank you for a great day.Copy !req
1249. Hey, yo, guys we got
the No One Special hats,Copy !req
1250. the t-shirts,
and the baseball caps came in,Copy !req
1251. so Mark has one for each of you,Copy !req
1252. and take some for the family,
for the friends, and all that.Copy !req
1253. We love you guys.Copy !req
1254. And great work. Thank you.Copy !req
1255. Okay, you think you can
get that up by tomorrow?Copy !req
1256. Yeah.Copy !req
1257. I can edit it tonight.Copy !req
1258. Mhm.Copy !req
1259. That's gonna work.Copy !req
1260. Hashtag real me,
we're gonna get the views back,Copy !req
1261. and what you did
with that Isabelle videoCopy !req
1262. and you cut around
all of her crying.Copy !req
1263. It was, it's just like,
you're like a wizard.Copy !req
1264. It was just like mwah.Copy !req
1265. It was just perfection.Copy !req
1266. It's like so fuckin' tight.Copy !req
1267. That's too much, right?Copy !req
1268. Yeah, it's too much.Copy !req
1269. Right?Copy !req
1270. You thinking about Jake?Copy !req
1271. Yeah, a little.Copy !req
1272. Yeah, well...Copy !req
1273. It was grow or die,Copy !req
1274. and he was holding us back.Copy !req
1275. And this is just feeling
so right.Copy !req
1276. Can you feel it? Like we're
about to go stratospheric.Copy !req
1277. Looking good, looking good.Copy !req
1278. All right.Copy !req
1279. See right there. We got Desmond.Copy !req
1280. He's amazing.Copy !req
1281. New York Times
just did a huge profile on him.Copy !req
1282. We got Rola right over there.Copy !req
1283. Does a bit of everything:Copy !req
1284. fashion, movies,
food trendsetter.Copy !req
1285. Single handily brought back
cauliflower this year.Copy !req
1286. That's Jake Paul, blonde.Copy !req
1287. He's 5.8 billion views
on YouTube.Copy !req
1288. - Mhm.
- You know the story.Copy !req
1289. Mhm.Copy !req
1290. Patrick Starr, right there,
far left.Copy !req
1291. Makeup tutorial. Great.Copy !req
1292. Who's that?Copy !req
1293. The other blonde.Copy !req
1294. Oh, the dirty blonde.Copy !req
1295. That's Lana.Copy !req
1296. She's fuckin',
a huge powerhouse.Copy !req
1297. She does these makeup tutorials
for Christians,Copy !req
1298. look fresh for Jesus,
made $200 million last year.Copy !req
1299. It's fuckin' huge.Copy !req
1300. Look at that.
- That's amazing.Copy !req
1301. I've never seen that.Copy !req
1302. - That's a selfie train.
- Greetings, fellas.Copy !req
1303. No One Special.Copy !req
1304. A childhood icon.Copy !req
1305. I used to be obsessed with you.Copy !req
1306. Big fan.Copy !req
1307. - Yeah, 10 years ago.
- Crazy.Copy !req
1308. - Nice to meet you.
- 12 years ago.Copy !req
1309. How are we doing? Are we set?Copy !req
1310. I'm set, you set?Copy !req
1311. Oh man, you really shot
the moon with that suit.Copy !req
1312. You look hotter
than a five dollar Rolex.Copy !req
1313. - Let's do this.
- (Link laughs)Copy !req
1314. - Let's do it, let's do it.
- Showtime.Copy !req
1315. That's great. That's great.Copy !req
1316. Okay, show people.Copy !req
1317. I want us to have fun,
but just knowCopy !req
1318. we're live streaming this
SO no swearing,Copy !req
1319. especially you, Desmond.Copy !req
1320. And we're gonna go live
right over here.Copy !req
1321. All right.Copy !req
1322. Welcome back
to the Ted Wick show.Copy !req
1323. That's me.Copy !req
1324. I am right here with some of
your favorite influencers,Copy !req
1325. and right now
we have the big guy.Copy !req
1326. No One Special.Copy !req
1327. I gotta say, man, I think you
and the work you doCopy !req
1328. is super interesting.Copy !req
1329. Thanks for being with us.Copy !req
1330. No, thank you, Ted.Copy !req
1331. I'm very, very happy to be here.Copy !req
1332. The common thread
throughout most of your videosCopy !req
1333. seems to be a comment
on the viewer's isolation,Copy !req
1334. their over dependency
on social media, the internet,Copy !req
1335. yet your growing popularity
is derivedCopy !req
1336. from your disdain, from the
very thing making you popular.Copy !req
1337. Ka-pow.Copy !req
1338. That's crazy, Ted.Copy !req
1339. That's really insightful.
Thank you.Copy !req
1340. And your biggest success
to date is kind of a game showCopy !req
1341. where you demonstrate
the viewers addictionCopy !req
1342. to their cell phones.Copy !req
1343. Your success directly contradicts
your message, does it not?Copy !req
1344. Sorry, uh, sorry, everybody,
I just,Copy !req
1345. are you saying I'm a sellout,
Ted?Copy !req
1346. I'm not saying anything.Copy !req
1347. I'm merely asking the questions.Copy !req
1348. All right, good.Copy !req
1349. Good, great.Copy !req
1350. See I think that you
insult the viewers.Copy !req
1351. You tell them that they're
stupid for watching us.Copy !req
1352. Wait, are you the person
that tells 10-year-old girlsCopy !req
1353. to look sexy for Jesus?Copy !req
1354. No. I don't tell them
how to look sexy for Jesus.Copy !req
1355. Can you tell me
the passage in the BibleCopy !req
1356. where they talk
about contouring?Copy !req
1357. What, what is that?Copy !req
1358. Is that Corinthians?
Is that Genesis?Copy !req
1359. As a matter of fact, in Genesis,Copy !req
1360. God commands us to take care
of all his creations,Copy !req
1361. and that includes ourselves.Copy !req
1362. So God is basically saying
cover upCopy !req
1363. all of your so-called flaws?Copy !req
1364. I need a root beer.Copy !req
1365. She needs a root beer.Copy !req
1366. Okay. There goes Desmond.Copy !req
1367. I'm out. Goodbye.Copy !req
1368. God, I love that Desmond.Copy !req
1369. All right.Copy !req
1370. I got to say,
what I do love about youCopy !req
1371. is how you work
to empower people.Copy !req
1372. Now, here is a recent clip
of your online game show.Copy !req
1373. What's your secret, Isabelle,Copy !req
1374. for looking so damn fresh?Copy !req
1375. I drink a lot of water, I guess?Copy !req
1376. Ah, Isabelle.Copy !req
1377. The choice is ultimately yours.
So what's it gonna be?Copy !req
1378. Is it gonna be your phone,
or your vanity?Copy !req
1379. Wow.Copy !req
1380. Look at that young lady,
she looks so happy.Copy !req
1381. And now here is
the same clip unedited.Copy !req
1382. It's just been sent to usCopy !req
1383. and it kind of tells
a different story.Copy !req
1384. Did you know about this?Copy !req
1385. I don't know.Copy !req
1386. - (Isabelle sobbing)
- Stop crying.Copy !req
1387. Stop crying right now.Copy !req
1388. That's all you must do to
lead the revolution, Isabelle.Copy !req
1389. Making young girls cry.Copy !req
1390. Doesn't that go against
everything you stand for?Copy !req
1391. Wow, that's good.
That's very good, Ted.Copy !req
1392. That's not supposed to
be out there.Copy !req
1393. We, we cut that out of the show.Copy !req
1394. That poor girl.
What's wrong with you?Copy !req
1395. Patrick,
spare me your faux outrage,Copy !req
1396. just for a second, okay?Copy !req
1397. That was an outtake
and we took it out.Copy !req
1398. Because you humiliated her.Copy !req
1399. It's out of context.Copy !req
1400. People take seconds at a time
and try to judge you for that.Copy !req
1401. - Exactly.
- Only that.Copy !req
1402. But now what you're doing,Copy !req
1403. you're humiliating a girl in
public, so who's the hypocrite?Copy !req
1404. - I didn't leak that clip.
- Fake news.Copy !req
1405. It's all over the internet.Copy !req
1406. You know who made
that girl cry, Ted?Copy !req
1407. Not me.Copy !req
1408. - It was Lana.
- Excuse me?Copy !req
1409. Lana made that girl cry.Copy !req
1410. - Lana, Lana-
- Oh, me?Copy !req
1411. Lana is spreading toxic waste
into the culture, Ted.Copy !req
1412. She is poisoning.Copy !req
1413. You are, I'm sorry, baby,
but you are.Copy !req
1414. You're poisoning the minds
and the souls and the heartsCopy !req
1415. of young girls
throughout the country,Copy !req
1416. and you are making them
soul sickCopy !req
1417. because you are telling them
subliminally and insidiouslyCopy !req
1418. that they are not enough
as they are,Copy !req
1419. that they are not acceptable
as they are.Copy !req
1420. That if you don't look
like a Kardashian,Copy !req
1421. then you're nothing.Copy !req
1422. That's the message
you're giving, Lana.Copy !req
1423. And let me tell you
something elseCopy !req
1424. about Jesus said,
a prophet will not be acceptedCopy !req
1425. in his hometown.Copy !req
1426. What?Copy !req
1427. Oh, come on, get off the cross.Copy !req
1428. We need the wood.Copy !req
1429. That poor, poor, poor,
poor girl.Copy !req
1430. How many poor's was that?Copy !req
1431. Look, she still asked
for my numberCopy !req
1432. at the end of the show.Copy !req
1433. Meaning what?Copy !req
1434. Meaning she couldn't have been
that sadCopy !req
1435. because she was still
trying to fuck me.Copy !req
1436. - (Jake chuckles)
- Oh my goodness.Copy !req
1437. Oh shit, this man.Copy !req
1438. Why would you even
bring that up?Copy !req
1439. - Okay.
- You're sick.Copy !req
1440. Mr. Special, can I remind you,Copy !req
1441. we are live
and there are children watching.Copy !req
1442. Amen.Copy !req
1443. I bring it up, Lana,
because it's allCopy !req
1444. part of the same sickness.Copy !req
1445. If you bag a night
with a celebrity,Copy !req
1446. it's just another way of trying
to prove that you're worthy.Copy !req
1447. She should know she is worthy.Copy !req
1448. She shouldn't need to prove it.Copy !req
1449. That's not a life.Copy !req
1450. That's not a life worth living.Copy !req
1451. - This...
- This dude.Copy !req
1452. Why don't we talk
about your background?Copy !req
1453. We tried doing
a little research on youCopy !req
1454. before you came on the show
and we couldn't find anything.Copy !req
1455. I know what this is.Copy !req
1456. Where'd you grow up?Copy !req
1457. This is the point of the showCopy !req
1458. where you are trying
to resuscitate your career.Copy !req
1459. Ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca.Copy !req
1460. - Cal
- Take it down a notch.Copy !req
1461. Did I hit a nerve?Copy !req
1462. You want to know who I am, Ted?Copy !req
1463. You wanna know the real me?Copy !req
1464. I eat, I shit, and I'll die
like everybody else.Copy !req
1465. You want me to shit, Ted?Copy !req
1466. - I'll shit for you, Ted.
- Profanity.Copy !req
1467. Want to see the real me?Copy !req
1468. - You wanna see me shit Ted?
- (influencers exclaiming)Copy !req
1469. 'Cause I'll, you know,
I'll, I'll shit.Copy !req
1470. - Oh yeah, right.
- This is what happens, kids,Copy !req
1471. when you try to attack
the system.Copy !req
1472. The system will try
to attack youCopy !req
1473. and the only way
to beat the systemCopy !req
1474. is to take a big, fat, shit
on it.Copy !req
1475. - Oh my...
- Security.Copy !req
1476. Woo!Copy !req
1477. Woo!Copy !req
1478. Ya-hoo!Copy !req
1479. You want a taste, honey?Copy !req
1480. Whoa, hey, hey.Copy !req
1481. Mark, get 'em Mark!Copy !req
1482. What's everyone afraid of?Copy !req
1483. It's just play-do.Copy !req
1484. Come and get me.Copy !req
1485. Come and get me, come and
get me, come and get me.Copy !req
1486. No, no, no, Mark!Copy !req
1487. Don't touch him.Copy !req
1488. I'll find someone to sue you!Copy !req
1489. This is a fight for your life!Copy !req
1490. This is the fight for your life!Copy !req
1491. Don't watch anything.Copy !req
1492. Don't view anything.Copy !req
1493. Don't like anything.Copy !req
1494. Don't click anything.Copy !req
1495. Don't let them turn you
into zombies.Copy !req
1496. They're trying to kill you,
unplug-Copy !req
1497. Go, go, go, go,
drive, drive, drive.Copy !req
1498. - Drive, drive!
- Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
1499. - Woo!
- You are crazy!Copy !req
1500. Are you okay?Copy !req
1501. Hey.Copy !req
1502. I gotta be at this thing.Copy !req
1503. What is it?Copy !req
1504. Oh, it's just some pool partyCopy !req
1505. Mark wants me to go to.Copy !req
1506. You would hate it.
You wanna come?Copy !req
1507. Okay.Copy !req
1508. - (phone buzzes)
- All right, that's my ride.Copy !req
1509. I gotta go.Copy !req
1510. Hey.Copy !req
1511. Always us.Copy !req
1512. Thank you.Copy !req
1513. Hey.Copy !req
1514. Hi.Copy !req
1515. Is that your song?Copy !req
1516. Yeah.Copy !req
1517. It's beautiful.Copy !req
1518. Thank you.Copy !req
1519. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1520. I'm sorry, too.Copy !req
1521. I really need your help.Copy !req
1522. It's all falling apart
and I need you to come backCopy !req
1523. so I can put it back together.Copy !req
1524. I want to go back
to the way things were.Copy !req
1525. I want to incorporate
more of your ideas.Copy !req
1526. I can't.Copy !req
1527. Was it you that leaked
the footage of Isabelle?Copy !req
1528. Wow, really?Copy !req
1529. Is that why you came back here?Copy !req
1530. To see if I leaked
the fucking video?Copy !req
1531. You think I want to subject
that girlCopy !req
1532. to even more humiliation?Copy !req
1533. Who do you think I am?Copy !req
1534. He's full of shit.Copy !req
1535. Link?Copy !req
1536. That's not even his name.Copy !req
1537. He's not who he says he is.Copy !req
1538. I spoke to his brother.Copy !req
1539. He was the one yelling at him
in the graveyard.Copy !req
1540. He's a rich kid.Copy !req
1541. Really. His parents are alive.Copy !req
1542. Link's parents died.Copy !req
1543. No.Copy !req
1544. His brother tracked us down.Copy !req
1545. Here.Copy !req
1546. Read this.Copy !req
1547. Okay?Copy !req
1548. There's a lot in here.Copy !req
1549. He burned down his school.
He's been institutionalized.Copy !req
1550. The family is covering it up.Copy !req
1551. You can call me jealous,
you can call me pathetic,Copy !req
1552. but I am telling you
he is a liarCopy !req
1553. and you need to open your eyes.Copy !req
1554. Why would you do this?Copy !req
1555. Because I'm in love with you.Copy !req
1556. And I've always been in love
with you,Copy !req
1557. and I know that doesn't
even matter, but I am.Copy !req
1558. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1559. What do you call that?Copy !req
1560. Trust me,
I'm gonna get you out of here.Copy !req
1561. You gotta kick the habit.Copy !req
1562. Do you eat peanuts?Copy !req
1563. There's a lot of peanuts
in Thai food.Copy !req
1564. All right,
intimacy levels are too high.Copy !req
1565. Abort mission.Copy !req
1566. Why'd you do that?Copy !req
1567. It's beautiful,
it's a part of you.Copy !req
1568. You gotta be dumb to be smart.Copy !req
1569. Shit!Copy !req
1570. Hey Frankie.Copy !req
1571. Hey Frankie.Copy !req
1572. Hey Frankie.Copy !req
1573. Hey Frankie.Copy !req
1574. Are you okay?Copy !req
1575. I'm fine.Copy !req
1576. - I just cut my hand.
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
1577. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
1578. - Can I see?
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1579. - (Link winces)
- Ow.Copy !req
1580. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1581. - It's okay.
- That sucks.Copy !req
1582. Okay, keep pressure on it.Copy !req
1583. I'll get you something.Copy !req
1584. Uh, let's see
what we got in here.Copy !req
1585. We're gonna fix you up.Copy !req
1586. Here, this is going to be nice.Copy !req
1587. Let me see.Copy !req
1588. Aww.Copy !req
1589. I wanted to tell you
I got this kind of big newsCopy !req
1590. and I didn't want to share
with anybody but you.Copy !req
1591. What is it?Copy !req
1592. They want me to headline
a live stream event for YouTube.Copy !req
1593. And I just realized that I
got nothing to say without you.Copy !req
1594. It scares me.Copy !req
1595. I've never felt this way about
another human being before.Copy !req
1596. I could definitely do it.Copy !req
1597. Yeah, it's very easy to do.Copy !req
1598. What the fuck?Copy !req
1599. It's crazy.Copy !req
1600. It's crazy.Copy !req
1601. Imagine this place
full of people?Copy !req
1602. A couple hundred
lucky ticket holders,Copy !req
1603. an estimated
five million watching live.Copy !req
1604. - Around the world!
- Around the world!Copy !req
1605. Crazy.Copy !req
1606. And Mark thinks
I can fly in from the back.Copy !req
1607. Why?Copy !req
1608. Spectacle is why. Look at this.Copy !req
1609. But we haven't even figured out
what we're gonna say?Copy !req
1610. Maybe we'll figure that out
later.Copy !req
1611. And you're even gonna hear 'em
over the screaming anyway.Copy !req
1612. Let me show you something.Copy !req
1613. Hm?Copy !req
1614. You guys wanna see
something crazy?Copy !req
1615. Sure.Copy !req
1616. This right here,
this is a trap door.Copy !req
1617. Whoa!Copy !req
1618. Oh!Copy !req
1619. Roberts faced heavy trollingCopy !req
1620. on social media after a clip
surfaced of the game show.Copy !req
1621. Mr. Special defended his actions
at a round table discussionCopy !req
1622. where he accused Ms. Roberts
of trying to seduce him.Copy !req
1623. She couldn't have been that sadCopy !req
1624. because she was still
trying (bleep).Copy !req
1625. If you bag a night
with a celebrity,Copy !req
1626. it's just another way of trying
to prove that you're worthy.Copy !req
1627. She shouldn't need to prove it.
That's not a life.Copy !req
1628. That's not a life worth living.Copy !req
1629. Early reports suggestCopy !req
1630. she hanged herself
in her bedroom closet.Copy !req
1631. A coroner at the scene
says he does not believe...Copy !req
1632. Mark.Copy !req
1633. Mark.Copy !req
1634. Have you seen this?Copy !req
1635. Everybody hates me.Copy !req
1636. Everyone's blaming me.Copy !req
1637. It says
No One Special's canceled.Copy !req
1638. This asshole
needs to burn in hell.Copy !req
1639. How are we going to fix it?Copy !req
1640. You told her
her life wasn't worth living.Copy !req
1641. I didn't ask her
to kill herself.Copy !req
1642. Are you blaming me, too?Copy !req
1643. Oh, oh, oh.Copy !req
1644. Wow, wow, wow, fu...Copy !req
1645. A girl is dead
and all you care aboutCopy !req
1646. is what people
are saying about you.Copy !req
1647. Jake talked to your brother.Copy !req
1648. Have you told me
one single thing that was true?Copy !req
1649. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1650. I'm sorry I didn't stop you.Copy !req
1651. Hey guys, so I read the news
about Link and IsabelleCopy !req
1652. and I want to apologize
for even havingCopy !req
1653. that guy on the show.Copy !req
1654. To Isabelle,
my condolences go out to you.Copy !req
1655. This makes me so mad.Copy !req
1656. This could have been prevented.Copy !req
1657. - What's up with this dude?
- You're a joke.Copy !req
1658. - This woman is dead...
- Thrown in jail!Copy !req
1659. That girl
was just a fuckin' ho...Copy !req
1660. - He had very good points.
- Murderer.Copy !req
1661. He killed that girl.Copy !req
1662. I like
how he tells it how it is.Copy !req
1663. This guy is an A-one scumbag.Copy !req
1664. I think that No One Special
should be President.Copy !req
1665. - I just wanna say-
- Fuck No One Special.Copy !req
1666. - You suck.
- We love No One Special.Copy !req
1667. Hey!Copy !req
1668. I want to dedicate this
performance to Isabelle Roberts.Copy !req
1669. Isabelle was an amazing girlCopy !req
1670. and she passed away tragically
two days ago.Copy !req
1671. I want to send out all my love,Copy !req
1672. my thoughts, and my prayers
to her family and her friends.Copy !req
1673. And I wanna say I'm sorry.Copy !req
1674. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1675. I've been told that I should
feel some responsibilityCopy !req
1676. for what happened and...Copy !req
1677. But I can't just stand here
and...Copy !req
1678. Shut up, shut up, shut up.Copy !req
1679. That, that part's canceled.Copy !req
1680. I can't just stand here
and accept responsibilityCopy !req
1681. for someone else's choices,
actions,Copy !req
1682. and in fact it was you
who pushed herCopy !req
1683. over the fucking cliff's edge.Copy !req
1684. Yeah, you,
with your gutless trolling.Copy !req
1685. You killed her, motherfucker!Copy !req
1686. All of you killed her.Copy !req
1687. That's the truth.Copy !req
1688. And you're trying
to kill me, too,Copy !req
1689. and I'm not gonna let it happen.Copy !req
1690. No, not today.Copy !req
1691. Not ever.Copy !req
1692. Easy to talk shit when
it's behind a screen, right?Copy !req
1693. What about right now?
I dare you.Copy !req
1694. Come through that computer
screen you're hiding behind,Copy !req
1695. stand in this room, stand
face to face, do it to my face.Copy !req
1696. Anybody in the room, anybody?Copy !req
1697. Look, maybe I did push
Isabelle too far. Maybe I did.Copy !req
1698. I pushed her too far.
Maybe I was using her for views.Copy !req
1699. I'll cop to that,
but I did it for you.Copy !req
1700. You see what this shit
is doing to us?Copy !req
1701. We're not real to each other
anymoreCopy !req
1702. and we're all
just using each other.Copy !req
1703. This isn't a vi...Copy !req
1704. I'm not a video game.
I'm not two dimensional.Copy !req
1705. I'm not two-D.
I'm flesh and I'm blood.Copy !req
1706. You're all flesh and blood.Copy !req
1707. Isabelle was flesh and blood.Copy !req
1708. We're all just
fucking killing each other,Copy !req
1709. like it's sport.Copy !req
1710. We're fucked.Copy !req
1711. Oh, you want me to be nice?Copy !req
1712. I almost had you, didn't 1?Copy !req
1713. With the candles
and the choir and the singing.Copy !req
1714. That's what we want him to say.
What a good boy.Copy !req
1715. He's playing so nice.Copy !req
1716. We can let him back in the club.Copy !req
1717. Fuck that club!Copy !req
1718. I'm trying to wake you up
from that club,Copy !req
1719. you numbed out,
dead inside zombies!Copy !req
1720. You're all dead!Copy !req
1721. You're all numb!Copy !req
1722. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1723. This is the first time
in my lifeCopy !req
1724. where I felt a part
of something bigger than me,Copy !req
1725. something that I don't
want to lose.Copy !req
1726. I don't want to lose you,Copy !req
1727. but I refuse
to let you straitjacket me!Copy !req
1728. I can't.Copy !req
1729. I gotta speak my truth, man.Copy !req
1730. I gotta speak my truth.Copy !req
1731. You know, what's crazy?Copy !req
1732. I want to do what I want.Copy !req
1733. I'm on the stage.
I don't give a fuck.Copy !req
1734. I'll fuckin' hump the stage.Copy !req
1735. I'm not gonna play
fucking Coldplay songs.Copy !req
1736. I'm not gonna play
Coldplay songs.Copy !req
1737. Fucking watch Coldplay!Copy !req
1738. You're trying to kill my deep,
profound,Copy !req
1739. life giving impulse.Copy !req
1740. I'm not gonna let you do it.Copy !req
1741. No! Hell no.Copy !req
1742. Not today.Copy !req
1743. You know what the best part
of all this is?Copy !req
1744. You're just the same as me,Copy !req
1745. way down there
in that deep dark pitCopy !req
1746. you're afraid to look inside.Copy !req
1747. I'm just the only one
that's willing to say it.Copy !req
1748. My name is Alex Goodrich.Copy !req
1749. I'm from Connecticut,Copy !req
1750. and this is the first time
I'm telling you the truth.Copy !req
1751. And all I need to know isCopy !req
1752. are you with me
or are you against me?Copy !req
1753. And if you're with me,
click that like button.Copy !req
1754. Fuck you.Copy !req
1755. You're welcome.Copy !req
1756. No One Special! No One Special!Copy !req
1757. No One Special! No One Special!Copy !req
1758. No One Special!Copy !req
1759. Special, Special,
Special, Special, Special,Copy !req
1760. Special, Special, Special.Copy !req