Machete (2010)

1. This is the boss.

2. Ahhh!

3. Get dressed.

4. It's too hot for clothes.

5. You're saving me from Torrez? You've got balls.

6. That looks like me.

7. What's this long, hard thing?

8. My machete.

9. Is it sharp?

10. Very.

11. Good.

12. I got him.

13. How did I do?

14. Excelente, mi amor. Excelente.

15. Why are you so insistent?

16. I own the entire force, and not just here in México.

17. I own the DEA, I own the Marshals.

18. Why can't I own you?

19. Why don't you take the money I offer you to look the other way?

20. What's your price?

21. Maybe I should ask your wife.

22. Your daughter, she's in school right now, no?

23. I don't think so.

24. The honorable way to die is to cut off your head.

25. But

26. you don't deserve to die honorably.

27. Joining us right now, we have Franklin Jonas,

28. deputy director of our local Immigration

29. and Customs Enforcement office.

30. Thank you, pleasure to be here.

31. What steps are you taking to secure our borders?

32. ICE is working with local law enforcement to improve patrols,

33. but there's over 2,000 miles of border between Mexico and the United States

34. and over half of that is here in Texas.

35. So we need to attack the problem at its source.

36. There's a whole support network that not only helps illegal aliens get across,

37. but is helping them get settled once they're here.

38. We need to uncover and dismantle this network.

39. It's a top priority

40. and our most talented ICE agents are investigating the matter.

41. Agent Rivera. Day 23 of surveillance for Operation Network.

42. The Network is suspected to be run by a woman named Luz,

43. code-named Shé.

44. Tacos, café, tacos! What do you want?

45. Luz operates out of her taco truck at the labor site.

46. You, load them up.

47. There's an interesting

48. face.

49. No, that's okay. Thank you.

50. I could help with...

51. No need.

52. He's new.

53. Run through database for possible criminal background.

54. Male Hispanic, scars, tattoos.

55. "Don't fuck with me, I won't fuck with you" attitude.

56. Hey!

57. Roundup time!

58. Yee-haw!

59. Look at them critters run!

60. Well, I don't speak much Mexican, neither.

61. You know,

62. you're trespassing

63. on my daddy's land.

64. Jesus, Von. Can't you see she's with child?

65. If it's born here, it gets to be a citizen.

66. No different than you and me.

67. I know most people don't like us.

68. Call us vigilantes.

69. But it's really about vigilance.

70. Somebody's gotta keep watch on this great nation of ours.

71. Otherwise,

72. Texas will become Mexico once again.

73. Who's gonna stop 'em, Senator?

74. I am.

75. Welcome to America.

76. You catch all that?

77. Burn me a DVD. My high-dollar supporters are gonna like that a lot.

78. The infestation has begun.

79. Parasites have crossed our borders and are sickening our country,

80. leeching off our system, destroying us from the inside.

81. But State Senator John McLaughlin has a plan of attack.

82. He'll fight to keep illegal immigrants out.

83. He supports an electrified border fence.

84. No amnesty for parasites.

85. John McLaughlin wants to protect you from the invaders.

86. Vote to re-elect State Senator John McLaughlin.

87. Paid for by the Committee to Re-elect State Senator John McLaughlin.

88. Hey, thanks.

89. Can I get a couple of bean and cheese and a café au lait?

90. Ain't got no café au lait.

91. Regular coffee, then.

92. And hold the spit, please.

93. Why do you pretend to come here just for coffee?

94. I'm not pretending. I actually like my coffee cheap and greasy.

95. I can refuse service to anyone. It's the American way.

96. Yeah, when they're citizens.

97. Got your papers?

98. Same as the last time you checked.

99. And the time before that.

100. And the time before that.

101. Got yours?

102. Same as the last time you checked.

103. You think what you do is right?

104. Taking your brothers and sisters in?

105. Deporting them back to their own personal hells?

106. It's the law.

107. There are many laws.

108. There sure are.

109. Immigration fraud, aiding an illegal entry,

110. unsanitary food prep,

111. but you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

112. Can I get my tacos?

113. Who's Shé?

114. I hear she runs an underground network.

115. How the hell would I know?

116. I just make tacos and I sell them to the workers of this world.

117. It fills their bellies with something other than hate.

118. Funny. That sounds like something Shé would say.

119. Catch you later.

120. In the race for state senator, latest polls are showing a sharp decline

121. in support for incumbent John McLaughlin

122. and his hard-line position on immigration.

123. Get in.

124. $70 a day for yard work.

125. $100 for roofing.

126. $125 for septic. Sewage.

127. Have you ever killed anyone before?

128. You know this guy?

129. Senator John McLaughlin,

130. Independent from Cocksucker County.

131. Built his reputation on being a hardliner against wetbacks.

132. His words.

133. Yes, if he had his druthers,

134. he'd send you back to old México.

135. That's his platform, "Ship 'em all back,

136. "but first, make 'em build a wall along the border for no pay.

137. "Thank you very much. Get the fuck out."

138. But what the senator fails to understand is this state runs on illegal labor.

139. Thrives on it.

140. Keeps costs down, keeps the wheels turning.

141. We bust that up and we're fucked.

142. My words.

143. Now, I'm guessing you don't have papers.

144. As you well know, illegal immigrants like yourself

145. are being forced out of this country in alarming numbers.

146. So, for the sake of both our peoples,

147. the senator must die.

148. And for that I will give you $150,000 cash.

149. Get someone else.

150. No time.

151. This job has to happen tomorrow.

152. I want you to take this cash, do the job and disappear.

153. How long would it take you to get this kind of money?

154. Five, 10, 15 years?

155. You could do a lot of good things with this.

156. You deserve it.

157. Now, I can't make you do this,

158. but I can make damn sure something happens to you if you don't.

159. Are you in?

160. Have a look at this.

161. Straight-line design, laser-designated scope.

162. You can shoot the pecker off a mosquito at 1,000 yards

163. and keep the balls unruffled.

164. Machete. That's only good if you wanna make a brutal point,

165. but it's low-tech, completely unsuited to our purposes.

166. Backup.

167. Here's your backup.

168. Me.

169. You call or text if you have any problems or delays.

170. You need to be on that roof by 1:00 p.m. Sharp

171. and put a bullet in the senator by 1:04.

172. Get up.

173. God damn it, April.

174. My business partner has very low tolerance for bullshit.

175. That's the second operation in the last six months

176. I've had to close down because of your meddling.

177. I told you a thousand times,

178. you need something, you come to me directly.

179. You do not go to these labs.

180. You got something to say to me?

181. Sorry, Daddy.

182. What's this?

183. $150,000 cash.

184. Are you out of your mind?

185. The Network helped me across once.

186. Use this for the people you help.

187. I don't know how you know what you know,

188. but I'm glad I know you.

189. What do you want?

190. Yeah.

191. Ladies and gentlemen, Senator John McLaughlin!

192. Well, I wanna thank you all for coming out today.

193. And I wanna thank my supporters from the bottom of my heart.

194. Because we have been tested, tested by fire.

195. Our border has been put to the test,

196. and let me tell you, we have failed that test.

197. The aliens, the infiltrators, the outsiders, they come right across

198. by light of day or dark of night.

199. They'll bleed us. They're parasites.

200. They'll bleed us until we, as a city, a county, a state,

201. a nation, are all bled out.

202. But make no mistake, we are at war.

203. Every time an illegal dances across our border,

204. it is an act of aggression against this sovereign state,

205. an overt act of terrorism.

206. Everywhere I go in this glorious state,

207. people are talking about change.

208. I say, "Why change? This is a great state founded on the principles of liberty."

209. I don't wanna change that.

210. Our rightful citizens are hardworking Americans

211. who earn their paychecks by the grit of their guts and the sweat of their brow.

212. I don't wanna change that.

213. Change. That's what they want. Change. Change the laws.

214. Open the doors.

215. Red Rover, Red Rover, let the terrorists come over.

216. Let me tell you what change that'll bring.

217. 68 cents.

218. The jingle-jangle of pennies in your pocket

219. because the scavengers, the leeches, the parasites

220. are walking away with your money

221. while you're left with the change.

222. So I wanna say one more thing. Who are you gonna vote for?

223. You! You!

224. There! Up there! I saw someone fire from up there!

225. Get him to Park Lane.

226. Roger. I'm on my way.

227. Go ahead.

228. Shoot him, Nacho.

229. 'Cause right after that,

230. the three of us

231. are gonna shoot the one of you.

232. Fuck, shit.

233. Try it.

234. Go ahead, Pancho.

235. I'll grease your chips all over this fucking alley.

236. This is fucking big.

237. This guy took a shot at a representative.

238. No, a senator.

239. Same fucking thing. The guy could die and we caught him.

240. Hell, yeah, we did.

241. And they're gonna hang your ass like Saddam.

242. Look, I'm gonna call the boss unless you want to do it.

243. Nah, you go ahead.

244. Yeah, we got the Mexican blackbird that fell off the rooftop.

245. Bring him to the basement.

246. He still thinks we're cops.

247. Well, of course he would think that.

248. We frisked him. We cuffed him. We threw him in the car.

249. Apprehended him just like the real cops do.

250. Um...

251. I didn't frisk him.

252. Yes, you did.

253. Man, I'm telling you. I didn't...

254. Oh! Shit! Jesus, man! What the fuck?

255. Slow down!

256. Shit!

257. Shocking news this hour.

258. Senator John McLaughlin was shot in the leg

259. this afternoon by an unknown gunman.

260. The senator was immediately driven to Park Lane Hospital

261. where he is reported to be in good and stable condition.

262. Video taken at the rally indicate

263. that the gunman may have been of Mexican descent.

264. Senator McLaughlin has been very vocal against immigration

265. and campaigned for stricter border controls.

266. You see what I'm sending you, Mr. Torrez?

267. It's coming on my screen now.

268. That's campaign gold.

269. I thought my contributions were for the senator's re-election

270. not his retirement.

271. McLaughlin is in, a guaranteed win.

272. And in the new session, as promised,

273. he'll ramrod through everything we ask for.

274. Go back.

275. Who's this?

276. Nobody. A day laborer from the streets. He won't be missed.

277. Is he dead?

278. Dead or dying on a rooftop as we speak.

279. Which the fuck is it, puneta? Dead or dying?

280. He'll be dead within minutes, I guarantee.

281. What?

282. It's me. It's done. I think he's toast.

283. Don't think, verify.

284. Check the morgue, check the hospital, check everywhere.

285. Is that him? Yes.

286. Doc Felix wants to see him.

287. Quiet.

288. Amazing. You can see where the bullet rebounded.

289. It was stopped by another bullet that was previously lodged there.

290. If he hadn't been shot before, he'd be dead now.

291. There's actually a lesson in there somewhere.

292. I can feel your eyeballs in my uterus.

293. Well, at least it's not in your colon.

294. Actually, did you know that the human intestine

295. is 10 times longer than the length of the body?

296. Wait, so the human intestine is 60 feet long?

297. It's true.

298. Ah! The hero has awoken.

299. Leave him alone.

300. Hi. What can I do for you?

301. What can you do for me?

302. I'm looking for a gentleman that was just brought in.

303. Probably to ICU.

304. Where might I find him?

305. You wanna go straight down the hall to your right,

306. make a left, two rights, and another left, and you'll be right there.

307. You sure about that?

308. Mmm-hmm.

309. I'm gonna go this way.

310. Someone's coming.

311. We have to get him out of here.

312. Is there another way out of here?

313. No other exits.

314. Oh! You don't wanna mess with that.

315. That's a skull scraper. We use that to scrape the bones clean.

316. And those cut through flesh just like butter.

317. Pass me that tank.

318. Hold it!

319. Boss ain't gonna like this. What are we gonna tell him?

320. Oops.

321. Rivera. What's your 20, agent?

322. I'm on my lunch break, sir.

323. Lunch is over. All hell is breaking loose.

324. Someone took a shot at Senator McLaughlin.

325. It was an illegal.

326. I'm watching it right now.

327. This amateur video was taken

328. outside County Hospital just after the failed attempt

329. to assassinate Senator McLaughlin.

330. Authorities believe that this suspect is extremely dangerous.

331. Son of a bitch. What?

332. No, not you, sir.

333. I've seen him before. Bring him in, Rivera.

334. Yes, sir, I'm on my way.

335. he may be in this country illegally and that he is, of course,

336. to be considered armed and extremely dangerous.

337. You're all over the TV, cabrón.

338. Come on, get inside. Hurry.

339. The shot fired on Senator McLaughlin today

340. may be just the shot in the arm his campaign needed.

341. New numbers indicate that he has now taken a commanding lead

342. in the wake of today's incident.

343. Since his shooting, others agree that border security should be heavily enforced.

344. Uh... Yeah. Didn't you cross the border to get here, Jack?

345. You didn't have a choice. Of course I believe you.

346. Why else would you give me the money?

347. But they'll be looking for your ass.

348. You'll be safe here.

349. Try not to bleed on the bed.

350. Are you Shé?

351. If I were Shé, do you think I'd be operating a taco truck?

352. Shé brings hope. Shé rights the wrongs.

353. Unfortunately, Shé is a myth,

354. just someone I made up to lead the Network.

355. At first, I just wanted to help the people get settled.

356. Give them food. Find them work.

357. Now there's a war against us.

358. Von and his border vigilantes hunting us down like dogs.

359. And there's no one there to stop him.

360. You can.

361. You're a fighter.

362. Only when there's something worth fighting for.

363. Is there?

364. Always.

365. When the sun rises, you should be good.

366. Don't start what you can't finish,

367. Machete.

368. You know me?

369. I know the legend.

370. Maybe the legend's better.

371. I'll be the judge of that.

372. Where are you, misterioso?

373. Oh, my God.

374. Gunning the senator down in the street.

375. What on earth were they thinking?

376. Sometimes I worry about April and what kind of world we're leaving her.

377. A fucked-up world.

378. I ought to wash your mouth out with soap.

379. Give me another taco.

380. Someone took a shot at the senator.

381. What kind of world would you call it?

382. A fucked-up world.

383. You're like two peas in a pod.

384. So, I think David's going to ask me to marry him.

385. But I have priorities.

386. School and a career. Salsa.

387. Actually, I was thinking more about my modeling.

388. You're a very pretty girl, April, but that's a tough nut to crack.

389. I know all about cracking nuts.

390. Do you even know how many hits I get on my website?

391. You have a website? She has a website? Do you know about this?

392. I know all about what the online public wants.

393. And they want me. All of me.

394. That does it. I'm sending you to a convent.

395. What? He's loose.

396. He got away. God damn it!

397. How hard is it to kill a goddamn day laborer?

398. You go down to that corner where I picked him up.

399. You find him. Do it!

400. You seen the bean wagon?

401. You speak.45?

402. Where's the taco truck lady at?

403. Hey, I don't know, man. I haven't seen her this morning. She's late.

404. Shé?

405. You know where Shé lives.

406. All right, go get him.

407. You're all over the goddamn TV!

408. Get in!

409. Agent.

410. You're the second beautiful girl that's picked me up today.

411. Exploding houses?

412. Bodies falling from the sky? Jesus Christ, Machete.

413. You're a walking shit-magnet.

414. Yeah, I know who you are.

415. I'm Sartana Rivera, lmmigration and Customs Enforcement.

416. ICE.

417. Fucking-A. La migra.

418. Don't worry, I won't ship you back

419. if you tell me what I need to know.

420. I'm working my way up.

421. I can't be busting people at taco stands anymore.

422. Hell, I'm probably related to half of them.

423. You need me more than I need you.

424. Come on.

425. You know all the cops in this state are hunting you down

426. for trying to kill the senator.

427. I wasn't gonna kill him. I was gonna shoot him in the neck.

428. Stop him from saying all them stupid things.

429. It was a set-up. There was another shooter there.

430. There was another shooter? Who?

431. Fuck!

432. Drive.

433. Drive.

434. I know what they did to your family.

435. And if I were you, I wouldn't trust anyone, either,

436. but it's different here.

437. Laws are enforced.

438. And people control them, not drug lords.

439. The system works here.

440. Says you.

441. I started working on the night shift, taking out the trash.

442. But I worked my way up as translator, assistant.

443. Now I'm special agent in charge of investigations.

444. Sounds like they still got you taking out the trash.

445. Let me take you in.

446. Put you into witness protection.

447. All you got to do is tell me who hired you to take out the senator.

448. Fine.

449. Holy shit.

450. You mean to tell me that a Mexican day laborer

451. is a goddamn Federal?

452. Looks like CIA, FBI, or DEA all rolled in one mean fucking burrito.

453. Is this the man you sent to kill Machete?

454. Yes.

455. And so far, he's failed?

456. So far.

457. I'm sorry to see you have such a high tolerance for failure, puneta.

458. I don't.

459. Mmm.

460. How's that?

461. Not bad.

462. Last time we spoke, you could've mentioned

463. he was an ex-Federal, God damn it!

464. Notoriously hard to kill.

465. Trust me, I've tried.

466. Well, you didn't try with the guy I'm calling in.

467. The very best the great state of Texas has to offer.

468. Osiris Amanpour.

469. If Machete is captured alive,

470. he'll expose my entire operation.

471. You have 24 hours to take him down, or I'm coming there myself

472. and I will kill him myself.

473. Sorry, my friend.

474. Mi abuelita always said you can solve any problem with food.

475. And you, my friend, have plenty of problems.

476. So who are you working for?

477. Who wants the senator dead?

478. Is it the Network? Luz?

479. She doesn't know anything about it.

480. Network, either.

481. The man who hired me wasn't Mexican.

482. Really?

483. So he was just some random guy who said,

484. "Hey, wanna kill the senator today?" And you're like, "Cool."

485. I was afraid he wanted septic work.

486. Instead, he offered me $150,000 to kill the senator.

487. That's a lot of money.

488. So that's why you did it?

489. For the money?

490. Look, Machete,

491. you're not legal in this country.

492. And after what happened to you in Mexico,

493. there is no way you're going home.

494. So, basically, you're a man with no country.

495. Lucky for you, I can help you out.

496. Look at me.

497. I can get you papers.

498. But you gotta let me bring you in.

499. I'm gonna find the guy that did this

500. and bring him to you.

501. Why should I trust you?

502. Because we're both cops.

503. I'd tell you to stop, but I know you took the bullets.

504. Luz!

505. Luz!

506. You didn't think they'd take me down that easily, did you?

507. You're alive! But your house, man.

508. It's beginning, my little chingones.

509. I got something to show you guys. Come on.

510. I told you they were gunning for us.

511. Who knows what they're gonna do next?

512. Holy shit, Luz.

513. I didn't know you were this loaded.

514. You got more heat than the po-pos.

515. It's a good start, but we'll need a lot more.

516. Need it for what?

517. La revolución.

518. Von and his men are coming for us. We need to be ready.

519. I'm not gonna be around forever.

520. If anything happens, you need to tell Machete the people need him.

521. Who exactly is this Machete?

522. That's him.

523. He's the one.

524. Hands up!

525. Shit. Against the wall.

526. All of you. Move it.

527. Where's Machete?

528. Shit. She knows, man. La migra's gonna deport his ass back.

529. Nobody's deporting anybody.

530. Machete already told me you guys weren't involved with the shooting.

531. Although

532. I should probably check your carnitas

533. for lead.

534. What is this place, anyway?

535. Welcome to the Network.

536. These are some of the people I've helped.

537. Helped them cross, got them jobs

538. and I make sure they do their part.

539. And these?

540. These are the guys trying to stop us.

541. Von Jackson and his border vigilantes.

542. They started off with a couple of deer rifles and a warped sense of justice.

543. And in the past year, they've grown. More guns, more men.

544. Who's funding them?

545. Whoever it is is making a mess of our operation.

546. And these?

547. Missing.

548. I have leads on a few of them.

549. They were supposed to have crossed, but I have no way to track them.

550. How deep does your operation go?

551. Deep.

552. All types, all races.

553. Lawyers, priests, doctors, homeboys.

554. That's why they call it the Network.

555. The way we see it, people risked everything to get here.

556. But the system doesn't work.

557. It's broken.

558. So we created our own.

559. So, Migra, gonna burn us, huh?

560. Turn us all in?

561. No.

562. I'm gonna walk away and pretend I didn't see any of this.

563. Tell Machete I'm looking for him.

564. I am a man of faith. I took a vow of peace.

565. And I don't shoot anymore.

566. You don't shoot any less, either.

567. I don't see you, hear from you in three years,

568. and now you want me to help you kill all these men?

569. Yes, Bro.

570. I mean Padre.

571. I'll see what I can do.

572. I want you to say 10 Our Fathers and 10 Hail Marys.

573. Light a candle for Mama.

574. For funerals. A little side business.

575. I had these installed when too many things started walking away

576. from the altar and collection plates.

577. Imagine if we had this kind of setup when we were Federales.

578. This is how you get the bad guys now. You catch them on video.

579. Cuban?

580. Mexican.

581. Oh, yeah. I got some of that.

582. I got something I want you to see.

583. Rest assured, he will be caught.

584. This is the first shot of a war that we didn't ask for...

585. Nice way to find out your brother's in town.

586. but these intruders, they mean to have.

587. Right there.

588. We can only hope that the perpetrator...

589. That's the guy that hired me.

590. Michael Booth? He's McLaughlin's aide, or some shit.

591. that the senator advocates no form of violence.

592. You know him?

593. Yeah. He comes in for confession all the time.

594. Lot of impure thoughts.

595. Mostly about his daughter.

596. I guess I'm cheaper than a shrink.

597. Here's his file.

598. Once he started talking about his connections to the cartels,

599. I figured it'd come in handy.

600. I bet McLaughlin doesn't even know that most of Booth's businesses

601. are just a front for his drug trade.

602. What I don't understand is, why would he hire you to kill his own boss?

603. Don't know.

604. Gonna find out.

605. It's not safe for you to be here.

606. I'm not looking for safe.

607. No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here.

608. I absolve you of all your sins, now get the fuck out.

609. Okay, Bro.

610. But I'm borrowing your car.

611. He was complaining about a weak neck.

612. I said, "You should fucking do some sit-ups."

613. Hey. Hey, boss.

614. Who are you?

615. The new gardener.

616. The gardener?

617. I'm just fucking with you, chief.

618. It's Hungarian for "I'm gonna kill you, you little monkey."

619. You know what? There's a big pile of shit in the back.

620. You can go and clean that up, all right?

621. Just make sure you do a good job.

622. Make sure you wipe those boots off.

623. Don't want you carrying shit in the house.

624. You ever notice how you let a Mexican into your home

625. just because he's got gardening tools?

626. I mean, no questions asked. You just let him right in.

627. He could have, you know, a chainsaw or a machete.

628. Stop it!

629. Damn it, that hurt!

630. If your father ever saw me doing this...

631. Mom, everyone is gonna see you do this. It's the Internet.

632. This is what my viewers wanna see online.

633. Hey. You're not the usual guy.

634. He looks good to me.

635. Well, don't be shy. Come on in.

636. Holy...

637. What the fuck did you bring them here for?

638. Didn't you hear a goddamn word I said?

639. Want me to dump them?

640. What? No.

641. No, I will make good use of them.

642. The church can always use good people.

643. June?

644. April?

645. Oh, yeah

646. Where are my wife and daughter?

647. Whoa. One family at a time. It's Osiris.

648. Machete has an hermano.

649. Or should I say Padre.

650. State Senator John McLaughlin took a vow

651. to defend the constitution of this state.

652. Now, he's taken a bullet for it.

653. And this is that bullet.

654. Vote to re-elect Senator John McLaughlin.

655. I'm John McLaughlin and I approve this message.

656. Oh. Yeah.

657. Sorry, ma'am. These damn new phones. Should've put it on vibrate.

658. Can you help me do that?

659. Pervo.

660. Yeah?

661. Senator? This is Von.

662. I hear you got a problem that maybe we can fix.

663. Don't call me on this line again. I'll call you.

664. Now, you said it yourself, Senator.

665. The war's begun. Helter Skelter's here.

666. Your army awaits further orders.

667. Well, gotta be respectable now. No shit stains.

668. What about the shooter? He's still out there.

669. There's nothing I'd like more than to see that Mexican dance the bolero

670. at the end of a rope.

671. But he's gone underground for sure.

672. Well, I say we go underground and get him.

673. Find the Network and you'll find the shooter.

674. Call our special friend.

675. Tell him we're gonna need a hell of a lot more firepower

676. if he's serious about wanting that border shut down.

677. I fixed your damn gun.

678. Oh. Thanks.

679. Our friend is up.

680. Where the fuck have you been?

681. You could've at least texted me.

682. Machete don't text.

683. But Machete gets evidence.

684. Thanks for coming back.

685. There's no way McLaughlin is getting elected

686. unless something big happens.

687. Can you imagine if someone shot the senator,

688. and that someone was a Mexican?

689. The public would elect him President.

690. It's not a sin if someone clips the senator in the leg, is it?

691. So this is footage from your brother's confessional?

692. There's no commandment against,

693. "Thou shalt not wing a man,"

694. is there, Padre?

695. But these files over here you got from Booth's office?

696. They're encrypted.

697. It's my little girl, April. I spend nights...

698. You don't think it's gonna be that easy, do you?

699. I just wish that April saw me as more of a real man.

700. Holy shit.

701. You were right. The Network isn't behind it.

702. This is something a hell of a lot bigger.

703. You've got enough here to bring down everyone.

704. The senator, Booth.

705. Von.

706. Look, here.

707. There's Mexican drug money financing the senator's campaign.

708. "Rogelio Torrez"?

709. Torrez.

710. He's the drug kingpin who's been trying to gain control of the drug trade.

711. This must be the border fence McLaughlin wants to build.

712. See this? These markings show the weakest spots.

713. It all makes sense now.

714. Torrez wants to get Senator McLaughlin re-elected

715. so that he can build a border fence that he can control.

716. You did good work, Machete. I bet you were a great cop.

717. The best.

718. And modest, too.

719. I'm dry.

720. Oh.

721. Get up.

722. Why?

723. Because you're drunk.

724. Come lay with me.

725. Habla inglés?

726. Depends on the question.

727. We know you hired that Mexican to kill our senator.

728. You're the Network, ain't you?

729. Hell, you're behind everything.

730. That's not how we work.

731. But if you want war,

732. I'll give it to you.

733. How about an eye for an eye?

734. You burned your last burrito.

735. You're gonna have to get better at this, Billy.

736. Fuck!

737. Please, Father. Have mercy.

738. God has mercy. I don't.

739. Hello, Padre.

740. Blood of Christ.

741. Tastes like Merlot to me.

742. Where is he?

743. He's everywhere.

744. Talk, Padre.

745. Sing me one of those Mexican hymns like you crooned as an altar boy.

746. Go to hell.

747. You wanna be a martyr?

748. I'm good at making martyrs.

749. Like Senator McLaughlin?

750. That's right.

751. We have to get the senator re-elected,

752. and get that fence built along the border before it's too late.

753. You really hate our kind that much?

754. No, Padre.

755. I hate declining profits that much.

756. An open border allows supply to flow in too easily.

757. Drives our prices down.

758. A secure border limits supply, drives the prices up.

759. Higher prices, higher profit.

760. You're so drunk with power, you even put a hit on your own boss.

761. Just to boost his election numbers.

762. Last chance, amigo.

763. Where's Machete and where are my wife and daughter?

764. In hell.

765. Then give them my best.

766. A real gentleman.

767. No. I'm comfortable.

768. Culebra Cruzado?

769. If they called him in...

770. Then they want you dead, too.

771. Wait.

772. How do you text with this thing?

773. I thought Machete don't text.

774. Machete improvises.

775. Where are you going?

776. Take out the trash.

777. Machete sent me a text.

778. What's it say?

779. "You just fucked with the wrong Mexican."

780. He's coming after us.

781. No.

782. He's coming after you.

783. You have some news? Yes.

784. His brother's dead.

785. You killed a priest? Congratulations.

786. That's right, Booth. I'm in your town.

787. And I'm gonna kill Machete and you're gonna watch it happen.

788. And it will be the last thing you see.

789. Wait a second!

790. There's a girl from ICE.

791. She's with Machete on this. They have a file on me,

792. on you, on McLaughlin, on everybody.

793. She can make things very difficult for us.

794. Where is she?

795. You know, I've been thinking.

796. We let these people into our homes,

797. watch our kids, park our cars.

798. But we won't let them into our country.

799. Does that make any sense to you? Hey.

800. That wetback clubbed us both over the head.

801. In case you forgot, he shot me in the leg.

802. I thought Django shot you.

803. I don't wanna hear that story ever again.

804. Well, think about it.

805. He wasn't here for us. He was here for the boss.

806. And I've been watching the boss, and this guy's a real scumbag.

807. Hey, hey, hey. Cut that shit out.

808. Where's your loyalty at?

809. You hear that?

810. It's the weed whacker!

811. He's back! Spread out! Spread out now!

812. Alpha unit, you copy?

813. I quit.

814. Fuck. Anybody report? Can you hear me?

815. Anybody?

816. Where's Booth?

817. The senator. He's with the senator!

818. I have a GPS.

819. Tracks his limo. Take it.

820. Just don't kill me, please. Take it.

821. That's Spanish for, "I'll let you live."

822. Thanks, chief.

823. So let me see if I'm hearing you right.

824. One of this city's most prominent businessmen,

825. a Texas vigilante, the most notorious drug kingpin of Mexico,

826. and a state senator are all conspiring to enact stricter immigration laws?

827. I know how it sounds, but I have Booth on video committing a murder.

828. I have tons of confessions. I mean, it's...

829. Listen to yourself. This man is an illegal alien.

830. Illegal, as in against the law.

831. Well, there's the law, and there's what's right.

832. I'm gonna do what's right.

833. We are live at the Church of Hope, where just moments ago

834. police discovered a gruesome murder scene.

835. The body of a priest was found nailed to a cross.

836. And witnesses' descriptions of a man leaving the church

837. match those of the gunman wanted for the shooting of Senator McLaughlin.

838. Excuse me, honeys. Just shut the door. Give us a moment.

839. On the streets, they call him Machete.

840. Who is he? What is he? Thank you, darling.

841. And will he ever be brought down?

842. Where the fuck have you been?

843. This dog is burning this whole fucking town to the ground.

844. He's giving us a war. I want to know we can win.

845. He's a cockroach. Sooner or later, he'll be squashed.

846. Yeah? Well, this cucaracha's got AK-47s

847. and he's laying waste to everything that gets in his fucking path.

848. I'm taking care of it.

849. They're scheduling me for release in a couple of minutes.

850. I can't walk out of here like a fucking piñata waiting to get whacked.

851. The man they are calling Machete...

852. We're ready for you, Senator.

853. may have been involved in the killing of a priest.

854. It's show time.

855. You forgot your cane, sir.

856. Milk it.

857. Ladies and gentlemen, Senator John McLaughlin!

858. Thank you. Thank you.

859. This Frito Bandito is not any closer to justice.

860. I urge this criminal and those who are hiding him to turn him in.

861. He is destroying us from the inside, like the plague that he is.

862. We must not let the terrorists win.

863. Senator, there are reports implicating your advisors

864. as having orchestrated the assassination attempt.

865. Would you care to comment?

866. Do what now?

867. You wanna be a martyr?

868. I'm good at making martyrs.

869. Like Senator McLaughlin?

870. That's right.

871. We have to get the senator re-elected,

872. get that fence built along the border before it's too late.

873. Or do you care to comment on the shooting

874. that happened at the border on the night of July 22nd?

875. Who's gonna stop 'em, Senator?

876. I am.

877. Welcome to America.

878. You catch all that?

879. Burn me a DVD. My high-dollar supporters are gonna like that a lot.

880. How about your connections with drug kingpin Rogelio Torrez?

881. No further comment. I'm sorry. I just...

882. Are the border vigilantes involved in running drugs?

883. I think I'm having a heart attack.

884. God damn it, if you don't relax, you will have one.

885. You jeopardized more than my career with that wetback.

886. He could've killed me.

887. Not with that scope.

888. You stupid son of a bitch.

889. You pull something like that without consulting me?

890. Who the fuck do you think you are?

891. I'm the one who got your campaign financed.

892. Made you a political powerhouse. Your own personal Jesus.

893. So you better get down on your knees

894. and start praying for me to save your soul

895. because I'm the only one who can at this point!

896. Get the fuck out.

897. God damn it, man.

898. Why don't you just die?

899. This could've worked. We could've been rich.

900. Torrez, he wanted to stop all that cheap shit from moving across the border.

901. Got tired of competing with every pendejo with a dime bag and a dream.

902. So we financed Von, gave him and his men guns.

903. The vigilantes.

904. Our own private little border patrol.

905. But Torrez wanted the whole enchilada.

906. So I thought, why not let politics do what guns couldn't?

907. Funny thing is, I thought it would be a more peaceful resolution.

908. How's that torch your taco?

909. Wait, wait. Torrez is looking for you.

910. You find Von, you'll find Torrez. Please.

911. Tell me, where are my wife and daughter?

912. With God.

913. Well, I guess I won't be seeing them.

914. Fuck, my fucking head.

915. What the shit?

916. That asshole drugged us.

917. Where's our clothes?

918. Call Daddy.

919. It's June, and April.

920. We're very sorry, Mrs. Booth. Your husband is dead.

921. He's what?

922. Senator McLaughlin shot him.

923. Yeah, kill the wetbacks. Good.

924. Vigilante leader Von Jackson refused comment after startling revelations

925. of their connections to a Mexican drug cartel.

926. This is Von.

927. I'm coming in. We're all over the news, Senator.

928. You compromised everything we've worked for.

929. There's only one way this thing is gonna end. Smoke him out.

930. But I wanna put the bullet in his head myself.

931. And just how do you figure on doing that?

932. I'm joining you boys for one last ride-along.

933. Machete.

934. Where's Luz?

935. She's gone, man. Vigilantes got her.

936. And now they're after you.

937. You gotta lead us to fight them.

938. It's what Luz would've wanted.

939. It's not your war.

940. I may be adopted, ese...

941. No shit.

942. What's going on is not right. We just wanna help, bro.

943. I don't need your help.

944. If not us,

945. then who?

946. Whatever you need, we'll build it, strip it, chop it.

947. What's ours is yours, homes.

948. Got guns?

949. If we find Von, we find Torrez.

950. And we can take them all down at once.

951. Hey, yo, everyone! Listen up! We got some work to do!

952. Machete needs your help or he'll be killed,

953. just like Luz, just like Padre.

954. Listen to me!

955. Yes, I am a woman of the law.

956. And there are lots of laws.

957. But if they don't offer us justice, then they aren't laws!

958. They are just lines drawn in the sand by men

959. who will stand on your back for power and glory.

960. Men who deserve to be cut down.

961. It is time to erase their mierda lines

962. and show these cabrones the meaning of true law!

963. We didn't cross the border, the border crossed us!

964. ¡Viva Machete!

965. You're Machete's girl. I know because you're his type.

966. What type is that?

967. Dead.

968. Earlier today, Senator John McLaughlin allegedly pulled a gun

969. on his advisor Michael Booth,

970. and shot him twice in the chest after an altercation

971. following the disastrous reveal earlier this afternoon

972. of the senator's connection to Mexican drug kingpin Rogelio Torrez.

973. Network.

974. According to recent reports, McLaughlin's re-election campaign

975. has been funded entirely by Mr. Torrez.

976. Machete!

977. Network says the senator is calling in the vigilantes to kill you.

978. And that Agent Sartana, she's been captured by Torrez.

979. They're all heading to Von's armory to load up.

980. Time to roll out.

981. Get me a vest and a rifle.

982. My great granddaddy did not give his life at the Alamo

983. so that we could sell out our nation to a bunch of back-stabbing politicians.

984. What are you talking about?

985. You lied to us.

986. And you paid that Mexican to put on an act

987. to fool the people, and to make fools of us.

988. Now he's on his way, and no doubt bringing a whole mess of bean eaters.

989. You seem to be quite fond of the boob tube, Senator.

990. You've been in the desert too long, amigo.

991. Well, let's see how this blows your skirt up.

992. We're gonna simulcast your execution for the crime of treason.

993. No shit stains.

994. Okay, they're on their way!

995. Get to your posts!

996. Come on! Let's roll them up!

997. Time for your last testament.

998. There's no second takes. So get your lines right.

999. Hold the line.

1000. I have desecrated the oath of office,

1001. and I am a traitor deserving of death.

1002. Ready!

1003. Fucking parasites! Fucking terrorists!

1004. Aim.

1005. Oh! Shit.

1006. Two of you stay with him. The rest of you, outside.

1007. Oh, shit.

1008. Fuck them up!

1009. Fuck them up!

1010. How's the eye?

1011. What eye?

1012. If you wanna survive your own war,

1013. you better become Mexican real fast.

1014. You got enemies on all sides, Senator.

1015. Who can you trust?

1016. You aim to take down those good old boys?

1017. Then I'm with you.

1018. Take out that Mexican!

1019. Fire, God damn it!

1020. Von, we're fucked.

1021. We gotta get out of here.

1022. Get out of here! Go!

1023. Sister.

1024. Please.

1025. I've done wrong.

1026. I've lived a hateful life. I'm not even from here.

1027. I hate Texas. I hate the heat. Give me my last rites.

1028. In the name of my father...

1029. My... My father?

1030. April?

1031. I forgot the rest.

1032. You never knew how to stay down, puñeta.

1033. So I guess I have to teach you.

1034. You have something to say?

1035. Now you have something to say?

1036. Back the fuck up and watch.

1037. We used to be Federales together. You remember?

1038. We were brothers.

1039. But you went for the honor.

1040. And I went for the power.

1041. We killed a lot of bad guys together.

1042. Now I'm the bad guy.

1043. What do you wanna do, hermanito?

1044. Look at your Machete now, cabrón.

1045. He's gonna kill him.

1046. No, he's not.

1047. He's Machete.

1048. Got a point.

1049. You know, I could kill you right now very easily.

1050. Believe me, this is nothing.

1051. This ain't shit.

1052. But...

1053. I know you'll just be waiting for me in hell.

1054. So...

1055. I think I'll say goodbye.

1056. Fuck it.

1057. There's one!

1058. Goddamn cockroach!

1059. Can't speak English, can you, boy?

1060. Stop. No. No.

1061. Welcome to America!

1062. What, do you wanna see my ID?

1063. Don't bother.

1064. I've got something better.

1065. I called in a few favors.

1066. Look at this.

1067. Got you all the right papers.

1068. You can start over now, be a real person.

1069. Why do I want to be a real person when I'm already a myth?

1070. Where will you go?

1071. Everywhere.

1072. Then I'll ride with you.