1. And stay out!Copy !req
2. Man, this girl is trying
to fuck up my day.Copy !req
3. Talkin' about she want
to watch a romantic comedy.Copy !req
4. Get the fuck outta here!Copy !req
5. I ain't watchin' no lovey-dovey,Copy !req
6. funny bunny ass shit with her.Copy !req
7. Anyway, sorry everyone.Copy !req
8. Let me properly
introduce myself.Copy !req
9. My name is Slow Burn,Copy !req
10. and I am your movie guide.Copy !req
11. We will be watchingCopy !req
12. "Mac and Devin
Go To High School"Copy !req
13. starring Snoop Dogg
and Wiz Khalifa.Copy !req
14. But before we get started
with the picture,Copy !req
15. I would like to make sure
everyone is comfortableCopy !req
16. and properly prepared.Copy !req
17. We all know the regular routine.Copy !req
18. Go the bathroom,Copy !req
19. turn off your annoying-ass
cell phone,Copy !req
20. get a big ass popcorn,Copy !req
21. and a cup of ice-cold
carbonated sugar water—Copy !req
22. Baaah.Copy !req
23. Wrong.Copy !req
24. You missin' one key
ingredient, nigga.Copy !req
25. How you gonna watch
a motherfuckin' weed movieCopy !req
26. without no motherfuckin' weed?Copy !req
27. Get your papers, your bongs,
your bowls, your blunts,Copy !req
28. some fat- ass nugs
of that Good-GoodCopy !req
29. and spark that shit up!Copy !req
30. Now, if you unfortunate
right now,Copy !req
31. and don't have any weed,
I'm sorry.Copy !req
32. But please,
stop this movie right now.Copy !req
33. It just won't work,Copy !req
34. you can't watch
this shit without no weed.Copy !req
35. Stop.Copy !req
36. You don't play baseball
without no bat, do you?Copy !req
37. Exactly.Copy !req
38. For the same reason
you don't watch a Three-D movieCopy !req
39. without Three-D glasses.Copy !req
40. So go figure that out,Copy !req
41. then put your goddam
ganja goggles on,Copy !req
42. and get ready for lift-off.Copy !req
43. Thank you, kindly.Copy !req
44. And without further ado,Copy !req
45. I would like to present,Copy !req
46. "Mac...Copy !req
47. and Devin Go To High School."Copy !req
48. Hold on!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
49. For all of you that like to play
those movie weed games,Copy !req
50. like smoke every time
so and so characterCopy !req
51. says this or does that,Copy !req
52. here's the official
weed game for this movie.Copy !req
53. Take a hit every time
you see a character on screenCopy !req
54. either walkin', talkin',
or breathin'.Copy !req
55. Matter of fact, let's do
one together right now.Copy !req
56. Yeah.Copy !req
57. That's what the fuck
I'm talkin' about.Copy !req
58. W- what you waitin' on, man?Copy !req
59. Start the movie.Copy !req
60. Fuck.Copy !req
61. No, a nigga don't wanna
go to school todayCopy !req
62. Let me call this bitch
and get my shit togetherCopy !req
63. Hey, Mac, man, what's up, man?Copy !req
64. Where the weed at, man?Copy !req
65. Hey, Mac, let me
get some weed, bro.Copy !req
66. Can I get some weed, man?Copy !req
67. I need the Mac, man.Copy !req
68. Hook it up, man.Copy !req
69. What's up, Mac?Copy !req
70. I wanna get my higher
learnin' on, bro.Copy !req
71. Gotta be like good, good,
don't you know.Copy !req
72. Stress be make
a nigga head hurt.Copy !req
73. For real.Copy !req
74. Mr. Mac, I...Copy !req
75. Never mind.Copy !req
76. Thank you for your time.Copy !req
77. Looky, player,
you got what I need,Copy !req
78. I'm lookin' for the green.Copy !req
79. I'm looking for the weed,
give it to the fiend.Copy !req
80. I need to get high, man.
You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
81. Put some kush up in it.Copy !req
82. All I got is pesos.Copy !req
83. Is that cool?Copy !req
84. You niggas still
in Junior High SchoolCopy !req
85. Hey, good morning, how's
my favorite MILF doing today?Copy !req
86. Stressed.Copy !req
87. Stressed?Copy !req
88. I got just what you need.Copy !req
89. I know you do.Copy !req
90. Take two of these.Copy !req
91. Here you go, sweetie.Copy !req
92. All right, baby.Copy !req
93. I need that homework
done in Calculus tonight,Copy !req
94. you feel me?Copy !req
95. Yes, Mac.Copy !req
96. I'll do this.Copy !req
97. Hey.Copy !req
98. Hey, Big Mac, how you doin'?Copy !req
99. A la ménage a trois?Copy !req
100. What's up, bro?Copy !req
101. You comin'
to the game tonight?Copy !req
102. You better score
two touchdowns tonight, boy.Copy !req
103. Wes, Wes.Copy !req
104. Let's smoke something, Mac.Copy !req
105. I got you, brother,
don't even trip.Copy !req
106. Yo!Copy !req
107. Watch where the fuck
you're walking, stupid bitch!Copy !req
108. Ah!Copy !req
109. I can't wait to taste it.Copy !req
110. Be patient, baby.Copy !req
111. All I need you to do,Copy !req
112. I need you to
climb up there, come on.Copy !req
113. Dang, girl.
Get it together.Copy !req
114. Come close to the wall.Copy !req
115. Oh, my god.Copy !req
116. See, I got like messed up,
you kids.Copy !req
117. I'm old school!Copy !req
118. That means I don't
play that shit.Copy !req
119. Whatever, man.Copy !req
120. Man, turn back, turn-
turn around.Copy !req
121. That's the reason
why I calledCopy !req
122. the Assistant Principal,
Mr. Skinnfloot,Copy !req
123. 'cause I know he'll give
every one of you a pass.Copy !req
124. Man, we didn't do shit.Copy !req
125. Turn back arou- You wanna
lose your strength?Copy !req
126. What's up, Mr. Skinnfloot?Copy !req
127. You see I done handled this.Copy !req
128. Look how- look how
I got 'em lookin'.Copy !req
129. That fool, Skinnfloot,
jacked me for that master kush,Copy !req
130. it's got to be
in here somewhere.Copy !req
131. Damn.Copy !req
132. Sit back.Copy !req
133. Let me find it.Copy !req
134. Where did this fucker
put my thing at?Copy !req
135. Wait a minute.Copy !req
136. That don't smell like no...Copy !req
137. 'Kay.Copy !req
138. Come here.Copy !req
139. This is the last time you...Copy !req
140. Oh, yeah...Copy !req
141. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
142. Oh, wow.Copy !req
143. You know I'm ready Big Daddy.Copy !req
144. Feast your eyes on my big, fat,Copy !req
145. long, succulent, mouth-watering
woo-wa for the doo-da.Copy !req
146. I knew it'd be big,Copy !req
147. but I've never seen
anything this big.Copy !req
148. Just put it
in your mouth, baby.Copy !req
149. It's so thick,
I can barely hold it.Copy !req
150. Yes, you can.Copy !req
151. Just go aaah...Copy !req
152. There you go.Copy !req
153. Stop listening to that filth!Copy !req
154. Aaaah...Copy !req
155. I can't fit it all in my mouth.Copy !req
156. Yo, that dude is crazy.Copy !req
157. Just stuff it in there
and get to suckin'.Copy !req
158. No, he ain't.Copy !req
159. Mac!Copy !req
160. Skinny Dick, you wanna hit?Copy !req
161. Mac, the word around
this high schoolCopy !req
162. is that you have the finest
kush in all the land.Copy !req
163. Hook me up, Mac,
I know you got it.Copy !req
164. I am prepared to
pay you in chain mail,Copy !req
165. a quiver of arrows, three
broad swords, and two oxen.Copy !req
166. I got a couple fat bitches
and one midget in the car.Copy !req
167. You could fuck any one you want.Copy !req
168. You know what I'm sayin'?Copy !req
169. Just let me just hold
that ounce or twoCopy !req
170. to you know, just Friday.Copy !req
171. Hey, Mac.Copy !req
172. Dr. Andrews,
third period English.Copy !req
173. These crazy kids
gave me a migraine.Copy !req
174. You think you could
hook me up with a jointCopy !req
175. to relieve the pain?Copy !req
176. Salmon Sandbar?Copy !req
177. You gonna be there
all day, man?Copy !req
178. Damn.Copy !req
179. Yeah, probably.Copy !req
180. High school.Copy !req
181. It's the best of times,
it's the worst of times.Copy !req
182. It's the times
that try men's soul.Copy !req
183. Ask not what high school-
Wow, shit.Copy !req
184. Ask not what high school can do
for you, but what you can do-Copy !req
185. It's the best of times,
it's the worst of times.Copy !req
186. It's time for me
to write a new speech.Copy !req
187. What the fuck, man.Copy !req
188. It's the times
that try men's soul.Copy !req
189. It...Copy !req
190. And that was horrible.Copy !req
191. Yo, your speech sucks.Copy !req
192. Hey, how's the speech
coming, Devin?Copy !req
193. Great.Copy !req
194. Um, I'm almost done with it,
but it'll be good.Copy !req
195. Well, it better be.Copy !req
196. You want to stay together
after graduation, right?Copy !req
197. Of course I do, Ashley.Copy !req
198. Then you need
to go to Yale.Copy !req
199. And to go to Yale,
you need a scholarship.Copy !req
200. And my dad made a call to
the guy that he knows, but—Copy !req
201. Well, I'm- I'm just really
having a hard timeCopy !req
202. figuring out the best part
of my high school experience.Copy !req
203. Well, duh, that would be me.Copy !req
204. Yeah, well, I know that.Copy !req
205. Just think how amazing
it'll be when we're engagedCopy !req
206. and we have matching
diplomas on the wall.Copy !req
207. It'll be so fabulous,
I won't be able to stand it.Copy !req
208. But no pressure though, babe.Copy !req
209. Just don't fuck up,
or I'll dump you.Copy !req
210. Just kidding!Copy !req
211. Sort of.Copy !req
212. Kidding.Copy !req
213. Call me later?Copy !req
214. Ehhh.Copy !req
215. Do you know what that is?Copy !req
216. It's the controlling
bitch alert.Copy !req
217. Attention, gentlemen,
please ask the ladiesCopy !req
218. to give us a brief moment.Copy !req
219. We will only be a second,
bitches.Copy !req
220. Thank you.Copy !req
221. Come on, now.
Come on, playa.Copy !req
222. That- that go
for your girl, too.Copy !req
223. I- Look at your girl
sittin' right there.Copy !req
224. Come on, man.Copy !req
225. Fuck, niggas, fuck.Copy !req
226. Okay, they gone?Copy !req
227. Cool.Copy !req
228. Now look, this is some
serious shit, man.Copy !req
229. Devin is in some deep doo-doo.Copy !req
230. There's a huge population
of controlling bitchesCopy !req
231. on this earth
and they keep expanding.Copy !req
232. And you know what?Copy !req
233. It's our motherfuckin' fault!Copy !req
234. If you a nigga like that,Copy !req
235. and you got a bitch like that,
get the fuck out now!Copy !req
236. Either get 'em in line,Copy !req
237. or kick 'em to
the motherfuckin' curb.Copy !req
238. Amen, hallelujah.Copy !req
239. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
240. All right, yeah.Copy !req
241. Ladies, y'all can
come on back now.Copy !req
242. Know what this is
I'm filling out?Copy !req
243. An order for some
medium-sized condoms?Copy !req
244. No.Copy !req
245. These are your expulsion papers.Copy !req
246. Expulsion for what?Copy !req
247. Oh, well let's see.Copy !req
248. Breaking and entering,
possession of a narcotic.Copy !req
249. Narcotic?Copy !req
250. Fool, last I checked, this shit
was legal in California.Copy !req
251. You're done, Mister.Copy !req
252. Your fifteen-year tenure
at this school is over.Copy !req
253. Assistant Principal
Skinnfloot?Copy !req
254. Yes?Copy !req
255. Do we have a problem
with this student?Copy !req
256. Not anymore.Copy !req
257. Because you do know
that all expulsionsCopy !req
258. are handled by me,
personally.Copy !req
259. Yes, but this student always
seems to get off with you.Copy !req
260. Does he?Copy !req
261. Uh, do you mind giving us
a few minutes?Copy !req
262. But this is my office.Copy !req
263. Yeah, do you want it
to remain your office?Copy !req
264. Yes, Principal Cummings.Copy !req
265. Oh, Mr. Johnson.Copy !req
266. What have you done this time?Copy !req
267. You are such the naughty,
naughty little student.Copy !req
268. What am I gonna do with you?Copy !req
269. You always make me have
to punish you so severely.Copy !req
270. Always getting me riled up!Copy !req
271. We need to see who that is.Copy !req
272. Well, you just meet me
in my office after school todayCopy !req
273. and we're gonna take
care of that little bitCopy !req
274. of unfinished business, okay?Copy !req
275. Hello.Copy !req
276. I'm sorry, do you work here?Copy !req
277. Uh, actually,
this is my place of business.Copy !req
278. Can I help you?Copy !req
279. I'm Miss Huck,
the new substitute teacherCopy !req
280. for AP Chemistry.Copy !req
281. I know a thing or two
about chemistry.Copy !req
282. Excuse me?Copy !req
283. What is it that you do here?Copy !req
284. I'm Mr. Johnson,
the Athletic Director.Copy !req
285. Okay.Copy !req
286. Hopefully I'll see you around
the campus later on today.Copy !req
287. It's past fourth period,
Poindexter.Copy !req
288. I promise you
I'm going to get it.Copy !req
289. Ow!Copy !req
290. Right there.
Let's go.Copy !req
291. What are you doing?
Huh?Copy !req
292. Hit that.Copy !req
293. Let me get that,
let me get that.Copy !req
294. Yes, Sir.Copy !req
295. That's some- that's some
powerful stuff right there.Copy !req
296. Yes, Sir.Copy !req
297. I like- I like that
right there.
Yes, Sir.Copy !req
298. Improper use of lab glassware
is a hazard, you know?Copy !req
299. Did you know that
motherfuckin' outfitCopy !req
300. you got on
is a style hazard?Copy !req
301. What are you doing here, anyway?Copy !req
302. You're not smart enough
to be in this class.Copy !req
303. And how you know?Copy !req
304. 'Cause you been in high school
for like a half a century.Copy !req
305. Mr. Johnson.Copy !req
306. Class, I'm Ms. Huck,
your new substitute teacherCopy !req
307. for the rest
of the semester.Copy !req
308. Wait.Copy !req
309. What happened to Mr. Luznar?Copy !req
310. Mr. Luznar met with a rather
tragic chemical accident.Copy !req
311. I've spoken
with your teacherCopy !req
312. and he wants you all
to present a research projectCopy !req
313. for your final grade.Copy !req
314. Partners are as follows.Copy !req
315. Harding and Pell.Copy !req
316. Suzuki and Ofaso.Copy !req
317. Ofaso.Copy !req
318. Jones and Greenberg.Copy !req
319. And Overstreet and Johnson.Copy !req
320. What?Copy !req
321. W- with all due respect,Copy !req
322. this pairing could jeopardize
my entire future!Copy !req
323. Well, Miss Huck, I've been
looking forward to meeting you.Copy !req
324. I'm the Assistant Principal,
Ralph Skinnfloot.Copy !req
325. Nice to meet you,
Mr. Skinnfloot.Copy !req
326. Charmed.Copy !req
327. If you need anything at all,
please, don't hesitate to ask.Copy !req
328. And if you have any problems
with this one, just let me know.Copy !req
329. Thank you.Copy !req
330. By the way, I'd love
to welcome you with my staff.Copy !req
331. I- I mean, to the staff.Copy !req
332. Over dinner.Copy !req
333. I don't think
that's appropriate.Copy !req
334. So, a maybe?Copy !req
335. Very encouraging.Copy !req
336. Yo!Copy !req
337. Mac!Copy !req
338. Hey, Mac!Copy !req
339. Mac!Copy !req
340. Mac!Copy !req
341. Overstreet!Copy !req
342. It's down to two.Copy !req
343. Two geniuses banging brains.Copy !req
344. Only one can stand and come.Copy !req
345. What are you talking about,
Mahatma?Copy !req
346. That's Mahatma Chang Greenberg
to you.Copy !req
347. Learn it.Copy !req
348. 'Cause come graduation day
when I, and not thee,Copy !req
349. assume the position
of Valedictorian,Copy !req
350. that will suck for you.Copy !req
351. Oh, really?Copy !req
352. 'Cause last time I checked,Copy !req
353. I'm still number one
in the class.Copy !req
354. Yeah, well I'm taking
like seven AP classes.Copy !req
355. You get an A-minus
and your ass is mine.Copy !req
356. You hear me?Copy !req
357. What do you want with my ass,
Mahatma?Copy !req
358. My brain is gonna
do all types of thingsCopy !req
359. to your ass
come graduation day.Copy !req
360. Fuckin' nerd.Copy !req
361. I need you to uh, check me into
that AP Chemistry classCopy !req
362. with Miss Huck.Copy !req
363. You know I got you, Mac.Copy !req
364. I always do.Copy !req
365. Fo sho.Copy !req
366. Mac.Copy !req
367. What's up?Copy !req
368. Man, we need
to study tonight.Copy !req
369. Study. Yeah.Copy !req
370. Get at me at nine o'clock
on the corner of "Why Dontcha"Copy !req
371. and "BlowMe"?Copy !req
372. Hey, hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
373. What do you say, you, me,
and little buddyCopy !req
374. right here make three?Copy !req
375. I'm sorry,
I don't date students.Copy !req
376. Well, I guess I'll just
have to drop out.Copy !req
377. I don't date liars either,
Mr. Athletic Director.Copy !req
378. Let me apologize for that.Copy !req
379. How can I make it up to you?Copy !req
380. Can I take you out on a date?Copy !req
381. You want a date with me?Copy !req
382. You need to graduate
high school first.Copy !req
383. And I'll be confiscating this
in the meantime.Copy !req
384. Mm.
Good goobly goo.Copy !req
385. Let the learning begin.Copy !req
386. You can't smoke in here,
young man.Copy !req
387. Hey, don't worry about it, baby,
I got a medical condition.Copy !req
388. What condition is that?Copy !req
389. I got an addiction.Copy !req
390. I'm addicted
to Granny Punany.Copy !req
391. Really?Copy !req
392. Yeah.Copy !req
393. What are you doing here?Copy !req
394. Man, you was right, D-Street.Copy !req
395. That graduation thing
is important.Copy !req
396. Guess you finally came
to your senses.Copy !req
397. Just hook me up
the knowledge, College.Copy !req
398. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
399. Start here.Copy !req
400. Dang it.Copy !req
401. Gimme my candy, motherfucker.Copy !req
402. What's up, super freak?Copy !req
403. I'm sorry, man.Copy !req
404. I just get low
on blood sugar and...Copy !req
405. Come on!Copy !req
406. Relax. Relax.Copy !req
407. Fuck.Copy !req
408. I got just want you need.Copy !req
409. You ain't gonna eat that?Copy !req
410. We can go half and half.Copy !req
411. A toast to expanding minds.Copy !req
412. Yo, thanks man.Copy !req
413. I needed that.Copy !req
414. More than you'll ever know.Copy !req
415. A quick lesson on weed edibles.Copy !req
416. Snacks made with cannabis, i.e.Copy !req
417. weed brownies, cookies,
chocolates, lollipops,Copy !req
418. fruit rollups, breath strips,
gummy candies, cakes, pies,Copy !req
419. and all the other hundred
type of fucked up goodiesCopy !req
420. that get you fucked up,
this is not for beginners.Copy !req
421. This is extremely different
than smoking weed.Copy !req
422. It's way more intense
and can take over your mindCopy !req
423. and trip you the fuck out!Copy !req
424. You don't believe me?Copy !req
425. Ask your friends.Copy !req
426. Right now. Ask 'em.Copy !req
427. A) Have you ever
eaten weed edibles?Copy !req
428. And B) Did those edibles
make you feelCopy !req
429. like two cartoon mermaids was
using their sexy little tailCopy !req
430. to play ping pong
with your brain?Copy !req
431. That's what I thought.Copy !req
432. Shit 'bout to get wavy, baby.Copy !req
433. I think it's snowing.Copy !req
434. Shit.Copy !req
435. You're feeling it, huh?Copy !req
436. Feeling what?Copy !req
437. The Green Goddess.Copy !req
438. Ganja Goodies.Copy !req
439. Cush Cakes.Copy !req
440. Herb Hors d'oeuvres.Copy !req
441. Kind Kookies.Copy !req
442. Marijuana!Copy !req
443. Yes, Sir.Copy !req
444. Does that mean I'm...Copy !req
445. I'm high?Copy !req
446. As a kite.Copy !req
447. Here we go.Copy !req
448. Watch where you're going.Copy !req
449. Yo, Mac.Copy !req
450. It's like I got this track
playin' in my head.Copy !req
451. It's like perfectly synchronized
to my moves and everything.Copy !req
452. My heartbeat.Copy !req
453. You hear it?Copy !req
454. D-Street.Copy !req
455. Whoa.Copy !req
456. You cool, new school?Copy !req
457. I think so.Copy !req
458. Well, hook me up with that dope
shit you got goin' on.Copy !req
459. Which one?Copy !req
460. The one in my head?Copy !req
461. Yeah nigga.Copy !req
462. You heard that?Copy !req
463. Man, that shit dope
as a motherfucker.Copy !req
464. But what happened
to the singing now?Copy !req
465. Wait, what singing?Copy !req
466. I ain't hear any singing.Copy !req
467. I can't sing.Copy !req
468. D, ain't nobody here but me.Copy !req
469. You gotta let that
feeling feel good.Copy !req
470. Matter of fact,
let that shit out.Copy !req
471. Man, let me hear it, man.Copy !req
472. Man, come on.Copy !req
473. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
474. Nigga, that shit right there,
go hard.Copy !req
475. Ladies and gentlemenCopy !req
476. Players and playerettesCopy !req
477. Teachers, staff, and studentsCopy !req
478. I am very honored to welcome youCopy !req
479. to the high school
annual talent showCopy !req
480. Brought to you by the makers ofCopy !req
481. Wiz Khalifa Premium
Rolling PapersCopy !req
482. And the qualified growers
of Snoop Dogg Master KushCopy !req
483. So without further adieuCopy !req
484. Let's get this show on the roadCopy !req
485. First contestant, bring your
talent to the foreground,Copy !req
486. and let your smoke
be your playgroundCopy !req
487. Yeah.Copy !req
488. It's the archbishop,
Don "Magic" Juan...Copy !req
489. Man, I am hungry.Copy !req
490. Let's get it.Copy !req
491. Hey, Big Mac.Copy !req
492. How you doin', sexy?Copy !req
493. Good, mamacita.Copy !req
494. Just showing my brother
from another motherCopy !req
495. the way of the weed.Copy !req
496. All right.Copy !req
497. So what'll it be?Copy !req
498. It'll be the usual.Copy !req
499. Let me get uh, two Scooby Snacks
with special sauce on it.Copy !req
500. Comin' right up.Copy !req
501. Oh, yeah, baby.Copy !req
502. Yo, I really needed this, man.Copy !req
503. Shit. Every motherfucker
needs this.Copy !req
504. 'Cause I've been stressed
over this stupid speech, man.Copy !req
505. The Valley Dictorian, right?Copy !req
506. Yeah.Copy !req
507. And everybody expects
me to talk aboutCopy !req
508. the good times I had
in high school—Copy !req
509. But you ain't had
no good times.Copy !req
510. Exactly.Copy !req
511. Here you go.
Thank you, baby.Copy !req
512. Two Scooby Snacks.Copy !req
513. So you do this all the time?Copy !req
514. Every minute
of the motherfuckin' day.Copy !req
515. So you don't worry
about the future?Copy !req
516. No, D.Copy !req
517. I vast in the moment.Copy !req
518. Man, I wish I could do that.Copy !req
519. You can, homey.Copy !req
520. All you got to do,
is do what I do.Copy !req
521. Say what I say.Copy !req
522. You know, like so what?Copy !req
523. So what we get drunk?Copy !req
524. So what we smoke weed?Copy !req
525. So what we get high?Copy !req
526. We don't care who see.Copy !req
527. You got to live young,
you got to live wild,Copy !req
528. you got to live free.Copy !req
529. You got to do you
like I do me.Copy !req
530. You dig?Copy !req
531. How the fuck
did we get here?Copy !req
532. We flew, nigga.Copy !req
533. You ready to get some ink?Copy !req
534. Aw, I don't know, Mac.Copy !req
535. You said you wanted to
experience some shit, right?Copy !req
536. Yeah.Copy !req
537. But what if it hurts?Copy !req
538. You might like that.Copy !req
539. Come on in, dawg.Copy !req
540. Man, this spot is crazy.Copy !req
541. Yes, Sir.Copy !req
542. Now this is where
the shit goes down.Copy !req
543. You got your sativa,
you got your indica,Copy !req
544. and you got your hybrids
over there.Copy !req
545. You have know idea what the fuck
I'm talking about, huh?Copy !req
546. No.Copy !req
547. Don't trip.Copy !req
548. I got exactly what you need.Copy !req
549. Hey, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
550. I am your friendly neighborhood
weed plant, Captain Kush.Copy !req
551. That's right.Copy !req
552. And on today's Volume One
of the Captain Kushhopedia,Copy !req
553. we will be discussing two
different strains of marijuana.Copy !req
554. That's right.Copy !req
555. Cannabis Indica
and Cannabis Sativa.Copy !req
556. Keep it locked.Copy !req
557. Press pause
and I'm whoopin' your ass.Copy !req
558. Ah, shit, what time is it?Copy !req
559. Shit, I don't know.Copy !req
560. I forgot my books at school.Copy !req
561. Books?Copy !req
562. I usually start my late night
study session right about now.Copy !req
563. I usually start my late night
bong session right now.Copy !req
564. Pull that out,
hit that shit.Copy !req
565. A very popular strain
of the indica plantCopy !req
566. is known as kush,Copy !req
567. from the Hindu Kush Mountains
of Afghanistan and Pakistan.Copy !req
568. Otherwise known as the shit
that got Bin Laden caught.Copy !req
569. That's right.Copy !req
570. Him and his boys
was in the mountains,Copy !req
571. and they was shootin'
their guns, bustin' 'em off,Copy !req
572. came up on some
of that sweet kush plant.Copy !req
573. Smoked it, didn't know
where the fuck he was,Copy !req
574. had a Navy Seal bullet
in his head two hours later.Copy !req
575. All right?Copy !req
576. You smoke it,
but don't get shot.Copy !req
577. Light that end right there.Copy !req
578. Inhale.
Now take the top off.Copy !req
579. Oh, damn, boy.Copy !req
580. Damn, boy.Copy !req
581. Now if you want less
of a body high,Copy !req
582. Captain Kush recommends
one of the sativa strains,Copy !req
583. like Green Crack,
Skunk, Train Wreck.Copy !req
584. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
585. It's more of a cerebral high.Copy !req
586. It's less sedating,
but a good recommendationCopy !req
587. if you want to feel medicated
throughout the day.Copy !req
588. That's right.Copy !req
589. Smoke all motherfuckin' day.Copy !req
590. It's safe.Copy !req
591. Four, three, two, one.Copy !req
592. Shoot it.Copy !req
593. Purple.Copy !req
594. Kush.Copy !req
595. Then you put 'em both together
and you make purple kush.Copy !req
596. Purple kush, together.Copy !req
597. Yeah, there you go.Copy !req
598. As you can see,
the Cannabis IndicaCopy !req
599. is characterized
by short, blocky leaves.Copy !req
600. Kinda like
a Mike Tyson build.Copy !req
601. Whereas the Cannabis SativaCopy !req
602. is more long and narrow
like Tommy Hearns.Copy !req
603. Yeah, man.Copy !req
604. Yes, Sir.Copy !req
605. We must take one big pull
from the check...Copy !req
606. together.Copy !req
607. Now I use boxing analogies...Copy !req
608. D-d-d-ding.Copy !req
609. because both of them
will knock you the fuck out.Copy !req
610. D-d-d-ding.Copy !req
611. Rewind.Copy !req
612. One more time.Copy !req
613. In Volume Two
of the Kushopedia,Copy !req
614. we will be discussing
how to properly cultivateCopy !req
615. your green room
by supplying your plantsCopy !req
616. with all of the right nutrients.Copy !req
617. That's right.Copy !req
618. Mm, mm, mm.Copy !req
619. Get high, motherfucker.Copy !req
620. I can't go to sleep yet,Copy !req
621. I got this new James Bond
shit right here, right?Copy !req
622. All you gotta do
is just inhale.Copy !req
623. Hit that shit.Copy !req
624. Don't do nothin'
but inhale.Copy !req
625. Hit it.Copy !req
626. Straight THC.Copy !req
627. Can you dig that?Copy !req
628. Weed vaporization is
the alternative to smokingCopy !req
629. that involves the production
of irritating,Copy !req
630. toxic, and carcinogenic
byproductsCopy !req
631. by heating the ganja
so its active compoundsCopy !req
632. boil off into a vapor.Copy !req
633. Boil off into a vapor?Copy !req
634. Man, who the fuck
wrote this shit?Copy !req
635. Fuck all that.Copy !req
636. Look, check it out.Copy !req
637. There's only two ways
to smoke this shit.Copy !req
638. The right way,
and the wrong way.Copy !req
639. And the right way is like
they say it in the Bible.Copy !req
640. Roll that shit, light that shit,
smoke that shit.Copy !req
641. They ain't say nothin' about
plug it up in the Bible and all,Copy !req
642. vaporize, and make it disappear.Copy !req
643. Come on, man.Copy !req
644. Two more hits from the bong.Copy !req
645. Top this shit off.Copy !req
646. All right.Copy !req
647. Pst.Copy !req
648. Hey, D-Street!Copy !req
649. You want some weed?Copy !req
650. There are niggas tryin' to stop
me from smokin' this weed.Copy !req
651. I smoke it everywhere.Copy !req
652. Anywhere.Copy !req
653. All day, everyday.Copy !req
654. All herb..Copy !req
655. I'm gonna go to Yale.Copy !req
656. Smokin' all the weed.Copy !req
657. Yeah.Copy !req
658. What's up, baby girl?Copy !req
659. I'm just lookin'
over this homeworkCopy !req
660. I really need some helpCopy !req
661. You want to study with me?Copy !req
662. That'd be nice.Copy !req
663. Yeah.Copy !req
664. Oh, Mr. Johnson.Copy !req
665. Hey, yo, Mac.Copy !req
666. I know you got that fire.Copy !req
667. Let me get some, though.Copy !req
668. Yeah, hook it up.Copy !req
669. I'll gladly pay you Tuesday
for the weed you give me today.Copy !req
670. I know you got that loud, man.Copy !req
671. You know what I'm sayin'?Copy !req
672. Why don't you swing
some over here, bro?Copy !req
673. Socrates said,
"I think, therefore I am".Copy !req
674. Or some other famous
philosopher said,Copy !req
675. "I am what I am, what I am"Copy !req
676. "what I am".Copy !req
677. Mind if I...Copy !req
678. Yeah.Copy !req
679. So, let me ask you something.Copy !req
680. You mind when people
call you Knees Down?Copy !req
681. Hell no, man.Copy !req
682. You know how I got that name?Copy !req
683. Mm-mm.Copy !req
684. Jenny Billings.Copy !req
685. Thank God you're only paralyzed
from the knees down!Copy !req
686. You're my white bitch.Copy !req
687. You're my little white bitch!Copy !req
688. I gotta get out of here, man.Copy !req
689. Thanks for the toke, though.Copy !req
690. Yeah, man.Copy !req
691. All good.Copy !req
692. Your speech still sucks.Copy !req
693. There's some dumb motherfuckers.Copy !req
694. Look at this thing here.Copy !req
695. Your mama shoulda aborted
that motherfucker.Copy !req
696. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
697. Another dumb-ass nigga...Copy !req
698. Mac! What's happenin'?Copy !req
699. Not much. What's up wit you?Copy !req
700. Do you realize that you are
a fifteen-year senior?Copy !req
701. Dumb as a box of rocks.Copy !req
702. Oh, really?
Yeah.Copy !req
703. Do you realize that every
morning when you come to school,Copy !req
704. teaching the class, your breath
smells like cigarettes,Copy !req
705. booty, and donuts?Copy !req
706. Okay, come on,
w-w-where my shit at?Copy !req
707. I don't want to sit and play
all day, man, come on.Copy !req
708. Let me show you this shit.Copy !req
709. This is that thing
that killed John Wayne.Copy !req
710. You see that thing
right there?Copy !req
711. Yeah.Copy !req
712. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
713. Okay, come on with it.
Quit playin'.Copy !req
714. You gonna get me fired
and you busted.Copy !req
715. Look, don't let the wrong person
get this in their hand,Copy !req
716. okay, Mac?Copy !req
717. I won't, I won't, I won't.Copy !req
718. Matter of fact, it's actually
in the wrong hands right now.Copy !req
719. Hey, hey.
Don't play with me, boy.Copy !req
720. Mac!Copy !req
721. Overgrown student!Copy !req
722. It's open.Copy !req
723. Yo, D-Street, what you
got in the box, nigga?Copy !req
724. Our chemistry experiment.Copy !req
725. But bigger, I've been working on
this alternative energy source,Copy !req
726. which if successful,Copy !req
727. could change everything
about how we consume energyCopy !req
728. in this country.Copy !req
729. Shit, the world.Copy !req
730. Well, let's change the world.Copy !req
731. This is what we're making.Copy !req
732. The catalytic ingredient.Copy !req
733. Damn.Copy !req
734. So if X equals the square
root of CQ minus 2X,Copy !req
735. then the catalytic ingredientCopy !req
736. should yield a brand
new energy source.Copy !req
737. And if I plug the lamp
into there,Copy !req
738. guess what we'll get?Copy !req
739. Bam.Copy !req
740. Energy.Copy !req
741. You have no idea what
I'm talking about, do you?Copy !req
742. Mm-mm.Copy !req
743. Let me show you.Copy !req
744. What the...?Copy !req
745. Fuck, man.Copy !req
746. That was very energetic.Copy !req
747. Yeah buddy!Copy !req
748. I'd like to welcome y'all to
the third annual Hemptethalon,Copy !req
749. brought to you by yours truly.Copy !req
750. Golf clap.
Golf clap.Copy !req
751. Yes, Sir.Copy !req
752. If you don't know,
you won't know,Copy !req
753. you in the presence of
the two-time defending champion,Copy !req
754. Knees Down.Copy !req
755. I smoke weed for a living.Copy !req
756. First event we gonna
do is called The Style.Copy !req
757. Check this out.Copy !req
758. Oooh, that shit weak.Copy !req
759. What you gonna do?Copy !req
760. Eh.Copy !req
761. Let me show you how we do it
on the Discovery Channel.Copy !req
762. Let me show you something.Copy !req
763. That's some motherfuckin'
planet,Copy !req
764. look at- Did you see that?
You like that?Copy !req
765. Hmm.Copy !req
766. It's your turn.Copy !req
767. Represent your side.Copy !req
768. You better come with it
'cause the homey just...Copy !req
769. represented real tough.Copy !req
770. Is that a gun
from Modern Warfare?Copy !req
771. Final round.Copy !req
772. Let me go in and lock
this shit down,Copy !req
773. 'cause I got some shit that
I know y'all can't fuck with.Copy !req
774. Check this out.Copy !req
775. Oh, shit.Copy !req
776. Is that- is that Casper?Copy !req
777. Yes, Sir.Copy !req
778. We got this covered.Copy !req
779. Watch this.Copy !req
780. You guys about
to lose right now.Copy !req
781. You ain't ready!Copy !req
782. She tooted and pooted.Copy !req
783. Shotgun!Copy !req
784. Shotgun!Copy !req
785. I ain't here to blow
none of that shit.Copy !req
786. You can have
that motherfucker.Copy !req
787. And that, all of that shit.Copy !req
788. Put that down here.Copy !req
789. Oh, wow.Copy !req
790. You did that, my nig.Copy !req
791. You did that.Copy !req
792. D-Street, man, I don't know
why we spendin' all this timeCopy !req
793. tryin' to find a-
a renewal energy sourceCopy !req
794. when the greatest
renewable energy sourceCopy !req
795. has already been created.Copy !req
796. Yeah, well what's that?Copy !req
797. Pussy.Copy !req
798. When you wake up in the morning,
what you think about?Copy !req
799. Pussy.Copy !req
800. When you're makin' some money,
what you go out and spend it on?Copy !req
801. Pussy.Copy !req
802. Well I know if we get
this catalytic ingredient,Copy !req
803. you know what we gonna
be getting a lot of?Copy !req
804. What?Copy !req
805. Pussy.Copy !req
806. Fuck!Copy !req
807. I think I know what you need.Copy !req
808. I like your friend, Big Mac.Copy !req
809. He's cute.Copy !req
810. Lay back, baby.Copy !req
811. Yo, Mac.Copy !req
812. I feel crazy.Copy !req
813. Hold this.Copy !req
814. Shoot it up a little bit more.Copy !req
815. Add a little more power
to the woo-wa.Copy !req
816. So...Copy !req
817. so what mixture is this?Copy !req
818. This is that medicinal
mixed with the medical.Copy !req
819. You know what I'm talking
about? That space-age shit.Copy !req
820. Which one's the medicinal,
and which one's the medical?Copy !req
821. Well, in a terminology that
most doctors can understand,Copy !req
822. this right here is the medical.Copy !req
823. And this right here
is the medicinal.Copy !req
824. And that's what gives
it that superfragilistic,Copy !req
825. you know, next level high.Copy !req
826. You know, that other
extreme uh, uh, uh,Copy !req
827. orbited, Saturn,
you know, Pluto...Copy !req
828. Right.Copy !req
829. I think it's me allowing myself
to become intergalacticCopy !req
830. and with the planetary
pleasure principleCopy !req
831. of the dedication
of the inauguration.Copy !req
832. Also, about the segregation of
the cultivation of everything.Copy !req
833. Right.Copy !req
834. Like, I'm like,
you know,Copy !req
835. I feel like I'm like
Captain Kirk, right?Copy !req
836. And I feel like,
like Doctor Spock.Copy !req
837. And this bitch right here
is like Darth Vader.Copy !req
838. Fuckin' bitch.Copy !req
839. Is that the bitch
paging you again?Copy !req
840. That's the bitch, again, man.Copy !req
841. This is what I want to do.Copy !req
842. I want us to go to another
planet called Pimpatarium.Copy !req
843. And once we go there,
hand me the telephone,Copy !req
844. and let me tell you how
I would address the bitch.Copy !req
845. Oh, shit.Copy !req
846. Hello.Copy !req
847. Yeah, bitch.Copy !req
848. Where's my money, bitch.Copy !req
849. No, bitch.Copy !req
850. Hi, bitch.
Bye, bitch.Copy !req
851. And in case you didn't get it,
let me text it to you bitch.Copy !req
852. Why can't I just say
stuff like that, man?Copy !req
853. Hi, bitch.Copy !req
854. Bye, bitch.Copy !req
855. No, bitch.Copy !req
856. Bitch, bitch, bitch.Copy !req
857. I just saved bitch
in there as one button.Copy !req
858. One touch.Copy !req
859. Bitch.Copy !req
860. What the hell
is going on in here?Copy !req
861. Oh my God, these aren't
real, are they?Copy !req
862. How did you even find me,
anyway?Copy !req
863. I tracked your phone
using the "Find Me" app.Copy !req
864. Stalker.Copy !req
865. Is this man holding
you against your will?Copy !req
866. Have you been drugged?Copy !req
867. Oh, you better believe it.Copy !req
868. He drugged like a motherfucker.Copy !req
869. I'm calling my daddy.Copy !req
870. Yo!Copy !req
871. Chill the fuck out.Copy !req
872. I am warning you,
Devin Overstreet,Copy !req
873. your very future
hangs in the balance!Copy !req
874. You come with me right now.Copy !req
875. I'll count to five.Copy !req
876. One...Copy !req
877. two, three, four, five.Copy !req
878. Now get your punk ass out
of here before I break a bitch.Copy !req
879. I know, D-Street.Copy !req
880. Puppy love.Copy !req
881. That shit hurt.Copy !req
882. Man, let's go get some bitches.Copy !req
883. Man, Mac,
where are you taking me?Copy !req
884. You said you
wanted some, right?Copy !req
885. Yeah, but,
not in no shady alley.Copy !req
886. Can I help you?Copy !req
887. Uh, can we speak
with mamasan?Copy !req
888. Mamasan!Copy !req
889. What you want?Copy !req
890. I'm trying to get my boy hooked
up with some of that good, good.Copy !req
891. Okay.Copy !req
892. How much you have?Copy !req
893. It depends on what he gets.Copy !req
894. Oh, you- you just
talking about him?Copy !req
895. What about for you?Copy !req
896. Are you gay?Copy !req
897. Look, baby, I love women.Copy !req
898. I just don't pay for pussy.Copy !req
899. I don't pay for pussy either.Copy !req
900. What you mean you no pay
for the pussy?Copy !req
901. Everybody pay for the pussy.Copy !req
902. Pussy make the world go round.Copy !req
903. I got three-fifty on it.Copy !req
904. Okay, what kind of girl
you like?Copy !req
905. I'm not really sure.Copy !req
906. Come, I just give you
white girl.Copy !req
907. USDA approved, no MSG, okay?Copy !req
908. Take care of him.
Go, go, go.Copy !req
909. And you?Copy !req
910. You pay for your friend,
the pussy?Copy !req
911. But you no get
no pussy for you?Copy !req
912. I give you what you like.Copy !req
913. I break your ball
into eight pieces.Copy !req
914. They let you smoke
on the job?Copy !req
915. No.Copy !req
916. That's a damn shame.Copy !req
917. You know?Copy !req
918. Now that's what
I'm talkin' about.Copy !req
919. You know what
I'm sayin'?Copy !req
920. Yeah.
Yeah.Copy !req
921. I got a confession though.Copy !req
922. What's up?Copy !req
923. That was my first time.Copy !req
924. With a masseuse?Copy !req
925. Nah, with a vagina.Copy !req
926. Ashley's like saving herself
for marriage,Copy !req
927. so I only get to fuck her
in the ass.Copy !req
928. Nigga, what?Copy !req
929. Yeah.Copy !req
930. Fuck that.Copy !req
931. Let's celebrate.Copy !req
932. Yeah.Copy !req
933. I am running
a legitimate business.Copy !req
934. Tough break, rook.Copy !req
935. I guess that's what
you get for going outCopy !req
936. for a little late night
beef jerky.Copy !req
937. I got more than that.Copy !req
938. Ah, that's good.Copy !req
939. I'll keep that in mind
when I write up my report.Copy !req
940. Hey, what's happening?Copy !req
941. What y'all up in here for?Copy !req
942. Weed.
Weed.Copy !req
943. Weed? Nigga,
weed ain't even a caseCopy !req
944. four or five
of them motherfuckers.Copy !req
945. They're gonna throw
that shit right on out.Copy !req
946. Time to get straight.Copy !req
947. Yeah.Copy !req
948. So, which one of y'all I get
to fuck in the ass first?Copy !req
949. Him.Copy !req
950. Y'all need
to make up your mind,Copy !req
951. 'cause uh,
I got plenty of time.Copy !req
952. Now D, man, now you need
to chill out, man.Copy !req
953. Calm down.Copy !req
954. Man, I am down.Copy !req
955. Like rock bottom down.Copy !req
956. I gave my virginity
to a stripper,Copy !req
957. got thrown in jail.Copy !req
958. Man, I ruined my life.Copy !req
959. Well, technically you gave your
virginity to Ashley's a-piece.Copy !req
960. Yeah, I might not
have been cool before,Copy !req
961. but at least I had a future.Copy !req
962. I ain't tryin'
to end up like you.Copy !req
963. Fifteen years
of high school?Copy !req
964. Fuck that.Copy !req
965. Overstreet?Copy !req
966. Yeah.Copy !req
967. You made bail.Copy !req
968. So that's how it is?Copy !req
969. I guess it's like that.Copy !req
970. Nigga, you ain't fuckin' shit.Copy !req
971. Ain't that some shit!Copy !req
972. Man, Mac just spent three
hundred and fifty dollarsCopy !req
973. gettin' this nigga
a fine piece of pussy,Copy !req
974. and he gonna turn his back
on him just like that?Copy !req
975. Man, this got me
fucked up right now.Copy !req
976. Come on, fellas,
tighten up, man. Damn.Copy !req
977. I know, you're sorry.Copy !req
978. And yes, I forgive you.Copy !req
979. Our future is still intact.Copy !req
980. My dad has an old
fraternity brotherCopy !req
981. who golfs with the mayor
who called the D.A.Copy !req
982. who agreed
to drop the charges.Copy !req
983. Membership in Club Ashley
has its privileges.Copy !req
984. Yeah, but what about Mac?Copy !req
985. Well, that's the best part.Copy !req
986. He's gonna take the fall.Copy !req
987. He tried to ruin
your life, right?Copy !req
988. It's not like he tried
to force me to do anything.Copy !req
989. I did it—Copy !req
990. By the way, somebody's
gonna get some if he's lucky.Copy !req
991. We'll have the same guilt-free
fun without all the mess.Copy !req
992. Yay!Copy !req
993. Hey, babies.Copy !req
994. Hola, papi.Copy !req
995. First of all, I want to thank
y'all for rescuing my ass.Copy !req
996. No problem.Copy !req
997. Hey, you know I'm gonna
pay you back.Copy !req
998. Why don't we go
back to my placeCopy !req
999. and you can
pay me back right now?Copy !req
1000. Baby, right now,
I'm currently a one-ho-bro.Copy !req
1001. Who am I supposed to do
in the meantime?Copy !req
1002. I don't know.Copy !req
1003. What about her?Copy !req
1004. Wait a minute.Copy !req
1005. Oh shit!Copy !req
1006. And next up to present
their final projectCopy !req
1007. are Devin and Mac.Copy !req
1008. Actually, I'm going
to be doing this one solo.Copy !req
1009. Well I- I've been trying
to develop an alternative fuelCopy !req
1010. from a mix of all
natural substances,Copy !req
1011. but the mix
was highly volatileCopy !req
1012. and we couldn't find a catalyst
to help stabilize the compoundCopy !req
1013. and supercharge the fuel.Copy !req
1014. Uh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1015. What was this magical catalyst?Copy !req
1016. Delta-nine-tetrahydrocannabino.Copy !req
1017. Isn't that the main
chemical in...Copy !req
1018. Marijuana, motherfucker.Copy !req
1019. Also known as THC.Copy !req
1020. Now what I did wasCopy !req
1021. I cross-pollinated
genetically superior weedCopy !req
1022. to create a master weed
with propertiesCopy !req
1023. never before
enjoyed by mankind.Copy !req
1024. Now check this out.Copy !req
1025. Motherfucker.Copy !req
1026. And you do know that.Copy !req
1027. That was good.Copy !req
1028. This is only
the beginning, people.Copy !req
1029. Can we turn on a light bulb
using cannabis?Copy !req
1030. Yes we can.Copy !req
1031. Where does the future lie?Copy !req
1032. No more gas-powered cars?Copy !req
1033. Let's make them
cannabis-powered.Copy !req
1034. Can we do that?
Yes we can.Copy !req
1035. If we start now, we can build
the world's first weed-poweredCopy !req
1036. rocket ship that flies
to the moon.Copy !req
1037. Yes we can.Copy !req
1038. Hemp-powered computer chips,Copy !req
1039. a hemp-island that's
free of pollution,Copy !req
1040. a hoverboard made with a bunch
of light and fluffy sativa nubs.Copy !req
1041. Can we create a greener
world using maryjane?Copy !req
1042. Yes we can.Copy !req
1043. Today, right now, Yes we can!Copy !req
1044. Yes we can!Copy !req
1045. Yes we can!Copy !req
1046. Mac.Copy !req
1047. Mac, wait.Copy !req
1048. One more test.Copy !req
1049. Well you better get ready,
'cause I'm taking you out.Copy !req
1050. You pass that test,Copy !req
1051. and we are definitely
staying in.Copy !req
1052. I can dig that.Copy !req
1053. Some of you kids' breath
smells like adult toys.Copy !req
1054. You knew it was test time.Copy !req
1055. Some of you females
is dumb in here.Copy !req
1056. And you my OG senior friend...Copy !req
1057. I know you're gonna
flunk the test.Copy !req
1058. Excuse me, Mr. Armstrong.Copy !req
1059. Mr. Skinnfloot.Copy !req
1060. It's come to my attention
that one of your studentsCopy !req
1061. might have gotten his hands
on a copy of your test.Copy !req
1062. No.Copy !req
1063. The student in question
is Mr. Johnson.Copy !req
1064. No, Mr. Johnson!Copy !req
1065. Ah, no, that's bullshit.Copy !req
1066. An elegant defense.Copy !req
1067. But I'm afraid you'll have
to prove your innocenceCopy !req
1068. by taking a test administered
by yours truly.Copy !req
1069. Mr. Skinnfloot,Copy !req
1070. are you really qualified
to do such a thing?Copy !req
1071. My number one love in life,Copy !req
1072. after the trimming
of beautiful bonsai trees,Copy !req
1073. is the art of mathematics.Copy !req
1074. Simply solve this little
equation and you graduate.Copy !req
1075. Why?Copy !req
1076. Why?Copy !req
1077. For the past fifteen yearsCopy !req
1078. you have made a mockery
of the very educational systemCopy !req
1079. I've sworn to protect.Copy !req
1080. And because you've
made my life hellCopy !req
1081. with your marijuana
related hijinks.Copy !req
1082. But most of all,
the reason I'm doing thisCopy !req
1083. is so I can fill Miss Huck
with my man seed.Copy !req
1084. No.Copy !req
1085. Y is the answer.Copy !req
1086. Y.Copy !req
1087. Y...Copy !req
1088. is correct.Copy !req
1089. Now give me my diploma, bitch.Copy !req
1090. Can you believe it?Copy !req
1091. Mac is finally gonna graduateCopy !req
1092. after fifteen years
of high school.Copy !req
1093. And you know what that mean.Copy !req
1094. Miss Huck can finally get it.Copy !req
1095. Devin got his speech readyCopy !req
1096. and he's still lettin' that same
punk-ass girlfriend hang around.Copy !req
1097. Well, I guess she was good
for something.Copy !req
1098. Because Yale is in the house.Copy !req
1099. Go on and do your Ivy League
thing, D-Street.Copy !req
1100. Wish more brothers could.Copy !req
1101. Shit, I wish more
brothers would.Copy !req
1102. Point is, we all gotta
move on at some point.Copy !req
1103. So, sit back
and enjoy the celebration.Copy !req
1104. The scholarship guy from Yale
is here with my dad.Copy !req
1105. They're excited
for your speech.Copy !req
1106. As is the tradition here
at N. Hale High,Copy !req
1107. we begin our commencement
with a speechCopy !req
1108. from our Valedictorian,
Devin Overstreet.Copy !req
1109. High school.Copy !req
1110. It's the best of times,
it's the worst of times.Copy !req
1111. It's...Copy !req
1112. I vast in the moment.Copy !req
1113. I wish I could do that.Copy !req
1114. You can, homey.Copy !req
1115. Well actually, this is something
a friend of mine taught me.Copy !req
1116. And him, more than
anybody I know,Copy !req
1117. really loved high school.Copy !req
1118. D-Street, you rock!Copy !req
1119. Whoo, I want your cock!Copy !req
1120. Hey, let me get a lighter.Copy !req
1121. Please.Copy !req
1122. 'Cause you know I'm high
as fuck and I forgot one.Copy !req
1123. Keep that in there.Copy !req
1124. Now it's time for
my valedictorian speech.Copy !req
1125. Y'all ready?Copy !req
1126. So many people in the world
still look down on marijuana.Copy !req
1127. What a shame.Copy !req
1128. No matter what field you in,Copy !req
1129. be it creative,
blue or white collar,Copy !req
1130. there are a lot
of genius motherfuckersCopy !req
1131. that puff herb on the regular.Copy !req
1132. So does that make
your dumber, slower?Copy !req
1133. Hell fuckin' no.Copy !req
1134. It opens up your mind
to new ideas.Copy !req
1135. Some cool song lyrics maybe,Copy !req
1136. a new invention,Copy !req
1137. a simple trick to solving
a difficult math problem,Copy !req
1138. or something simple as,Copy !req
1139. hey, I bet it'd taste good
if I put some crunched up baconCopy !req
1140. in that waffle batter.Copy !req
1141. Call marijuana a drug
all you want.Copy !req
1142. Shun it all you want.Copy !req
1143. Be closed-minded.Copy !req
1144. Think I care?Copy !req
1145. I pity ya.Copy !req
1146. We have a safe way to relax,
expand, grow our minds,Copy !req
1147. and all from a beautiful
wonderful smelling plantCopy !req
1148. that grows on this earth.Copy !req
1149. Look how it connected
Mac and Devin.Copy !req
1150. If it made two people as
different as that become homeys,Copy !req
1151. shit, nigga, we can do
any motherfuckin' thing.Copy !req
1152. And speakin' of Mac and Devin,Copy !req
1153. ain't no tellin' what
they gonna get into next.Copy !req
1154. And I for one,
sure can't wait to find out.Copy !req
1155. So until next time, whenever
you feel pressured in life,Copy !req
1156. and when you're goin'
through hard timesCopy !req
1157. and you need
a common denominatorCopy !req
1158. to mellow everything out,Copy !req
1159. don't forget these words
of adviceCopy !req
1160. from your good buddy,
Slow Burn.Copy !req
1161. Break it down, roll it up,
light it up,Copy !req
1162. and smoke weed, motherfucker!Copy !req
1163. Yeah!Copy !req
1164. Fire!Copy !req
1165. Hey, Wiz, I'm gonna get with
you at third period tomorrow.Copy !req
1166. I own this pussy.Copy !req
1167. You can't handle
all this dick.Copy !req
1168. You can't handle it.Copy !req
1169. Knees Down!Copy !req
1170. I just did my first
motherfuckin' scene ever,Copy !req
1171. ever acting in history.Copy !req
1172. I just did it, so...Copy !req
1173. That nigga, the way he's
handlin' that shit, nigga.Copy !req
1174. That nigga got Golden Globe.Copy !req
1175. Nigga, watch.Copy !req
1176. We gonna work with it, man.Copy !req
1177. And if I start to suck,
just let me know.Copy !req
1178. Just be like, you suck.Copy !req
1179. You're horrible.Copy !req
1180. Get real, you're terrible.Copy !req
1181. And the Golden Globe
for best new actor...Copy !req
1182. Wiz Khalifa...Copy !req
1183. I knew it'd be big,Copy !req
1184. but I've never seen
anything this big.Copy !req
1185. Oh, baby, just put it
in your mouth.Copy !req
1186. It's a new black blunt I got.Copy !req
1187. I feel you, 'cause
it's a white blunt.Copy !req
1188. It's a long, fat, hot,
steamy, juicy, succulent...Copy !req
1189. I can't fit it
all in my mouth.Copy !req
1190. Yes you can, baby.Copy !req
1191. Nice and... Go aaaah.Copy !req
1192. Aaaah.Copy !req
1193. You're a grown ass nigga
still in school.Copy !req
1194. That's how I really was,
for real.Copy !req
1195. I flunked twice.Copy !req
1196. How old was you
when you graduated?Copy !req
1197. I didn't graduate.Copy !req
1198. I just dropped the fuck out.Copy !req
1199. When I seen my little brother
in the classroom with me,Copy !req
1200. I was like, I'm gone.Copy !req
1201. Fuck that.Copy !req
1202. How you work this?
Just push the button—Copy !req
1203. Don't, it's already down.Copy !req
1204. All you do is hit, hit it.Copy !req
1205. Try it right now.Copy !req
1206. And this go in here?Copy !req
1207. Uh-huh.Copy !req
1208. Oh, wow.Copy !req
1209. You ain't got to do nothin'
but just hit it, huh?Copy !req
1210. That's- that's straight dope
right there, though.Copy !req
1211. That's cool, right?Copy !req
1212. That aint' got no cut on it.Copy !req
1213. That's straight uncut.Copy !req
1214. You can taste the THC
and everything.Copy !req
1215. That's why it's a vaporizer.Copy !req
1216. Oh, wow.Copy !req
1217. It has everything.Copy !req
1218. What's up, yo?Copy !req
1219. Where the bitches at?Copy !req
1220. They're in my pee pee hole.Copy !req
1221. Let's go, let's do it!Copy !req
1222. Knees Down is a kid
in a wheelchairCopy !req
1223. that fucks a lot of hot bitches.Copy !req
1224. 'Cause he has a big dick.Copy !req
1225. I got hydraulics.Copy !req
1226. Hydraulics.Copy !req
1227. Flippin' switches,
flippin switches,Copy !req
1228. flippin' switches.Copy !req
1229. I'm having trouble with
this word right here,Copy !req
1230. I can't seem to pronounce,
announciate it right.Copy !req
1231. So, if it's T-E-T,
that's tet.Copy !req
1232. Uh-huh, tet.Copy !req
1233. And then R-A-H
is rah.
Trah.Copy !req
1234. No. Rah.Copy !req
1235. So then, tet-rah.Copy !req
1236. Trah.Copy !req
1237. Tetra.Copy !req
1238. Hydro. You know that.Copy !req
1239. H-Y-D-R-O.Copy !req
1240. Yeah. Tet-
I know that word.Copy !req
1241. Tetrahydro.Copy !req
1242. Cannabino.Copy !req
1243. Cannabino.Copy !req
1244. C-A-N-N-A-B-I-N-O.Copy !req
1245. So, tetrahydrocannabino.Copy !req
1246. Yes, Mr. Johnson.Copy !req
1247. He's so smart.Copy !req
1248. He's gonna fuckin' graduate.Copy !req
1249. I mean, freakin' graduate.Copy !req
1250. Thank you.Copy !req
1251. Remember that?Copy !req
1252. What was that,
the big bad wolf?Copy !req
1253. Wow, what big eyes you have.Copy !req
1254. Yeah. The better to see this
thing I'm gonna put on you.Copy !req
1255. Oh Pippen, you sure
got long nails.Copy !req
1256. Yeah.Copy !req
1257. The better to backslap you with.Copy !req
1258. Oh, Pippen, you sure got
a lot of hair fallin' down.Copy !req
1259. Yeah, bitch, 'cause this
is really, really, reallyCopy !req
1260. pimpin' on a bitch.Copy !req
1261. All right, good!Copy !req
1262. Cut!Copy !req
1263. Is that what
you wanted to do?Copy !req
1264. God, damn.Copy !req
1265. I'm pretty sure
that's what he wanted.Copy !req
1266. See? That's a real
actor for you.Copy !req
1267. Try-try to keep your head up
so we can see your face.Copy !req
1268. 'Cause the comedy's in your
reactions to like, you know...Copy !req
1269. No, the comedy
was she did that,Copy !req
1270. now we're good,
and you got it,Copy !req
1271. and you're tryin' to make her
do it all over again.Copy !req
1272. I just want to see you
distressed, you know?Copy !req
1273. You couldn't feel
my distress?Copy !req
1274. You want to see it, huh?Copy !req
1275. Yeah.
Okay, I got you.Copy !req
1276. I'm a actor.Copy !req
1277. Yes, you are.Copy !req
1278. You didn't ask uh,
Lawrence of OlivierCopy !req
1279. this shit when he was
shootin' his sceneCopy !req
1280. on the mountaintop and he had
to stand up there for four hoursCopy !req
1281. and do this shit over and over.Copy !req
1282. You didn't say, Lawrence,
how you feel?Copy !req
1283. You just said, action,Copy !req
1284. and Lawrence delivered
his lines.Copy !req
1285. Yeah, we liked him.Copy !req
1286. But get rid
of this motherfucker.Copy !req
1287. Let me tell you
something, nigga.Copy !req
1288. We dealin' with
some real niggas,Copy !req
1289. we don't deal with
all that shit,Copy !req
1290. script supervisor,
or continuity.Copy !req
1291. We may or we may not.Copy !req
1292. What the fuck are
you talking about?Copy !req
1293. Wiz, do you remember the first
time you heard a Snoop song?Copy !req
1294. I remember I was
in preschool,Copy !req
1295. and my mom had one of them
ghetto-ass homegirls.Copy !req
1296. And uh...Copy !req
1297. They love you.Copy !req
1298. And it was when Doggy Style
first came out.Copy !req
1299. I was like, oh man,
what is this?Copy !req
1300. Like, it sounded
so crazy to me.Copy !req
1301. When was the first time
you heard Wiz?Copy !req
1302. The song I love,Copy !req
1303. I'm like, oh, that's pimpin',
you know what I'm sayin'?Copy !req
1304. Like the way he was
in pocket in there.Copy !req
1305. My oldest son was playing it,
so you know,Copy !req
1306. he pulled me to the side
and was like, Pops,Copy !req
1307. you need to get with him.Copy !req
1308. 'Cause he's the one,
not the two.Copy !req
1309. Is that the level
of excellence,Copy !req
1310. the course that
you guys are reaching for?Copy !req
1311. Yeah, absolutely.Copy !req
1312. Snoop's a legend, man, and uh,
he's been doing it forever.Copy !req
1313. And I also told him,
one of greatest thingsCopy !req
1314. I look up to him is for
his longevity in the game.Copy !req
1315. He's still right out
here with all of us.Copy !req
1316. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
1317. You know, I feel like we,Copy !req
1318. like Wiz is like my brother
from another mother.Copy !req
1319. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
1320. We- we equal,
we eye to eyeCopy !req
1321. because we do everything
the same way.Copy !req
1322. It's like, if I could,
you know, die and come back,Copy !req
1323. I'd come back as Wiz Khalifa.Copy !req
1324. Can you believe that?Copy !req
1325. Wow. Wow.Copy !req
1326. I always looked up to him.Copy !req
1327. And when I found out he was
a fan and embraced what I do,Copy !req
1328. you know,
it really just gave meCopy !req
1329. that go hard and that motivation
to keep doing what I'm doing.Copy !req
1330. As well as, you know,
he's the dopest there ever isCopy !req
1331. and ever will be.Copy !req
1332. And I'm kinda tight, too,Copy !req
1333. so we might as well just give
that to people, you know?Copy !req
1334. Between me and you,
we got that bitch.Copy !req
1335. That's a- a serious XM hit.Copy !req
1336. Oh, man.Copy !req