1. The winner of a 30,000-dollar scholarship...
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2. is Miss Louisiana, Erika Schwarz.
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3. And the new Miss America
is Miss Kansas...
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4. Tara Dawn Holland!
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5. scholarship...
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6. is Miss Louisiana, Erika Schwarz.
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7. And the new Miss America
is Miss Kansas, Tara Dawn Holland!
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8. There are two kinds
of people in this world-
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9. winners and losers.
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10. Inside each and every one of you...
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11. at the very core of your being...
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12. is a winner
waiting to be awakened...
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13. and unleashed upon the world.
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14. With my nine-step
"Refuse to Lose" program...
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15. you now have the necessary
tools and the insights...
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16. and the know-how to put
your losing habits behind you...
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17. and to go out and make
your dreams come true.
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18. No hesitating.
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19. No complaining.
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20. And no excuses.
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21. I want you to go out
in the world...
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22. and I want you to be winners!
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23. Thank you.
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24. Thank you.
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25. I'm on my way.
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26. I don't know how long.
I don't know!
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27. Richard, he has
nowhere else to go.
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28. I'm not smoking.
I'm not!
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29. Look, I'm at the hospital.
Yeah, okay. Bye.
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30. Miss Hoover?
Your brother's fine.
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31. I need you to keep him away
from sharp objects-knives, scissors.
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32. If you have medications, depressants
in your house, keep them secure.
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33. - I'd prefer to keep him, but-
- I know. The insurance.
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34. You want to see him?
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35. Hey, Frank.
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36. Sheryl.
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37. I'm so glad you're still here.
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38. Well, that makes one of us.
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39. A strong low pressure
system passed across New Mexico...
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40. bringing with it a little moisture
that will cool things off a bit.
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41. We may even see a five- to 10-degree drop
in temperatures in Albuquerque.
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42. There will be no significant
accumulations of rainfall-
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43. Do you want to talk or no?
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44. - Nearly nothing, but statewide 93%-
- No.
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45. Hello?
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46. Anyone?
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47. Down here.
We have you with Dwayne.
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48. Dwayne, hi.
Uncle Frank's here.
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49. He doesn't mind, Frank.
We talked.
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50. Wha- I know. I know. But we can't have you
sleeping alone. The doctor said.
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51. I'm sorry.
I have to insist.
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52. You'll get along fine.
He's really quiet.
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53. And here's your cot.
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54. Please, Frank.
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55. Please.
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56. Thank you.
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57. I'm gonna start dinner.
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58. You can come out
when you're settled.
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59. And, uh, just leave the door open.
That's important.
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60. Dwayne, honey, there's
a bucket of chicken in the car.
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61. Can you get it?
And, uh, I'll make a salad.
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62. - Olive?
- Yeah?
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63. - Is Grandpa with you?
- Yeah.
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64. - What are you guys doing?
- Rehearsing.
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65. - Okay, well, dinner in 10 minutes.
- Okay.
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66. - Hi.
- Hi. Frank's here.
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67. Oh, God.
Did, uh, Stan Grossman call?
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68. Well, check the machine.
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69. - Dwayne, please, come on.
- The chicken. It's in the car.
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70. Will you set the table?
We'll do paper plates tonight.
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71. Remember Olive
was runner-up in the Little Miss Sunshine?
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72. - They just called right now-
- Hey, it's your sister!
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73. Fuck.
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74. Hi. Richard Hoover
for Stan Grossman, please.
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75. Any way to reach him or-
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76. Well, I'm just wondering
if this darn book deal is done or not.
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77. If-
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78. Yes.
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79. Okay, could you please just have him
call me anytime over the weekend?
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80. He has my cell number.
Just to let me know we're on.
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81. Okay? Thank you. Bye.
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82. - So what happened with Stan Grossman?
- He's in Scottsdale.
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83. Why didn't he call?
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84. Will you let me
worry about this, please?
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85. Dwayne, can you check on Frank?
Tell him it's dinnertime.
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86. Olive! Dinnertime!
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87. Coming!
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88. What? Dinner?
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89. What, you don't talk anymore?
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90. Why not?
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91. You can talk.
You just choose not to?
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92. Is that Nietzsche?
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93. You don't speak
because of Friedrich Nietzsche.
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94. Far out.
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95. Frank, you can sit here next to Dwayne.
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96. Here's the salad, and I'm gonna run
and get Sprite for everyone.
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97. Olive, come on!
Dinnertime!
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98. Okay.
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99. So who do you hang out with?
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100. No one?
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101. What about your family?
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102. Frank! Hey!
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103. - Richard.
- Good to... see you.
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104. Let me get Olive.
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105. - Olive? Dad?
- You guys, go on and start.
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106. - Let's go!
- We're coming.
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107. - Frank, some Sprite?
- Yes.
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108. And I want everyone to have
at least a little salad.
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109. Thanks, Sheryl.
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110. Honey.
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111. So, Sheryl, I couldn't help noticing
Dwayne has stopped speaking.
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112. Oh, yeah, he's taken a vow of silence.
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113. You've taken a vow of silence?
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114. Yeah. He's gonna join the Air Force Academy,
become a test pilot...
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115. and he's taken a vow of silence
until he reaches that goal.
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116. - You're kidding?
- Hi, Uncle Frank.
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117. Oh, hey, Olive.
Wow, you're gettin' big.
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118. Almost like a real person.
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119. - What happened to your arms?
- Olive.
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120. That's all right.
I had a little accident. I'm okay.
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121. - How's the, uh, routine coming, honey?
- It's good.
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122. Yeah? When are you
gonna show it to us?
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123. I don't know.
It's up to Grandpa.
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124. A couple of days.
It still needs work.
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125. What's that? Chicken?
Every night it's the fuckin' chicken!
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126. - Holy God Almighty! It is possible just once-
- Dad!
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127. We could get something to eat around here
that's not the goddamn fucking chicken?
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128. - Hey, Dad! Dad!
- I'm just sayin'-
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129. - Christ.
- When you want to start cooking your own food, you're welcome.
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130. At Sunset Manor, you know— If you like
Sunset Manor, you shouldn't have got kicked out.
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131. For God's sakes.
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132. So when did you start
with the vow?
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133. Been nine months, Frank.
He hasn't said a word.
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134. Not one. I think it shows
tremendous discipline.
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135. - Richard.
- I really do.
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136. Really. I think we could
learn something from Dwayne.
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137. Dwayne has a goal.
He has a dream.
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138. It may not be my dream,
may not be yours...
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139. but he's pursuing it with
great conviction and focus.
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140. In fact, I was thinking
about the nine steps-
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141. Oh, for crying out loud!
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142. And how Dwayne's utilizing seven of them
in his personal quest to self-fulfillment.
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143. Richard, please.
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144. Well, I'm just saying
I've come around.
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145. I think he could use our support.
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146. How did it happen?
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147. - How did what happen?
- Your accident.
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148. Honey, here.
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149. Oh, no, it's okay.
Unless you object.
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150. No, I'm pro-honesty here.
I just think, you know, it's up to you.
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151. Be my guest.
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152. Olive, um, Uncle Frank
didn't really have an accident.
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153. What happened was he...
tried to kill himself.
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154. You did? Why?
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155. I'm sorry. I don't think
this is an appropriate conversation.
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156. Honey, let's let Uncle Frank
finish his dinner, okay? Shh.
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157. Why did you want to kill yourself?
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158. No, don't answer the question, Frank.
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159. - Richard! Richard!
- He's not gonna answer the question. Frank.
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160. - I wanted to kill myself-
- Don't listen to him.
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161. - I was very unhappy.
- He's sick in his head.
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162. - Richard!
- I'm sorry! I don't think it's an appropriate conversation...
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163. - for a seven-year-old.
- She's gonna find out anyway.
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164. - Okay.
- Go on, Frank.
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165. Why were you unhappy?
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166. Um, well, there are a lot of reasons.
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167. Mainly, though, I fell in love
with someone who didn't love me back.
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168. Who?
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169. One of my grad students.
I was very much in love with him.
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170. Him?
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171. It was a boy?
You fell in love with a boy?
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172. - Yes, I did. Very much so.
- That's silly.
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173. You're right. It was silly.
It was very, very silly.
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174. - There's another word for it.
- Dad.
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175. - So, that's when you tried to kill yourself?
- Well, no.
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176. The boy that I was in love with fell in love
with another man- Larry Sugarman.
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177. - Who's Larry Sugarman?
- Larry Sugarman is, perhaps...
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178. the second most highly regarded
Proust scholar in the U.S.
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179. - Who's number one?
- That would be me, Rich.
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180. - Really?
- Mm-hmm.
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181. So that's when.
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182. No. What happened was
I was a bit upset...
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183. so I said some things
that I shouldn't have said...
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184. and I did some things
that I shouldn't have done...
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185. and subsequently
I was fired from my job...
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186. and forced to move out of my apartment
and move into a motel.
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187. - And that's when you tried to-
- Well, no.
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188. Actually, all of that was okay.
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189. What happened was two days ago the
MacArthur Foundation, in its infinite wisdom...
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190. awarded a genius grant
to Larry Sugarman.
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191. And that's when I-
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192. Decided to check out early.
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193. Yes. Yes. And I failed
at that as well.
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194. Olive, the important thing
to understand here...
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195. is that Uncle Frank
gave up on himself.
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196. He made a series of foolish choices-
I'm sorry- and he gave up on himself...
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197. which is something winners never do.
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198. So that's the story, okay?
Now, everyone, just let's move on and, uh-
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199. Is he always like this? How can you stand it?
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200. Olive, tell him about your
routine while you're doing this.
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201. Okay. Little Miss Chili Pepper is
a beauty contest for everyone in Albuquerque...
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202. but you have to be six or seven
and you have to be a girl.
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203. This is our sister.
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204. - Cindy.
- Spring break.
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205. Dwayne went to see his dad
in Florida for two weeks...
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206. and Olive went to Laguna
to see her cousins.
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207. - She made it to the top of the regionals out there.
- I was in second place.
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208. Well, what do you think
your chances are?
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209. I think I can win,
because some of the other girls...
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210. they've been doing it longer,
but I practice every day.
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211. - Yeah. Good luck.
- Not about luck, Frank.
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212. Luck is the name losers give
to their own failings.
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213. It's about wanting to win,
willing yourself to win.
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214. - You've got to want it badder than anybody else.
- I do.
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215. - Then you're gonna be a winner.
- Richard.
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216. It's the truth.
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217. You know, actually, there is a message
from Cindy on the machine.
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218. Something about Little Mrs. Sunshine.
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219. - What? Little Miss Sunshine?
- Yeah.
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220. What?
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221. Sheryl, it's Cindy.
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222. Remember when Olive
was here last month?
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223. She was runner-up in the
regional Little Miss Sunshine?
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224. They just called right now and said that
the girl who won had to forfeit her crown.
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225. I don't know why.
Something about diet pills.
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226. Now she has a place in the state
contest in Redondo Beach!
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227. Oh, my gosh! I won!
I won! I won! I won!
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228. - Finish your dinner!
- I'm finished!
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229. - What happened?
- I'm just calling to- Cindy!
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230. Yeah, we just got it.
Yeah, she basically went crazy.
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231. - I won! I won! I won!
- No, I didn't get that.
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232. The machine cut you off. Okay.
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233. Redondo Beach. This Sunday?
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234. - Wh-Are you guys going?
- Yes.
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235. - Can you put it off?
- They have to. They have to.
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236. - Where does that leave us?
- We can't do it. We can't.
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237. No, no- No, I understand
that, Cindy. Yeah.
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238. They— I just- No, I'll just
figure it out. Okay, bye-bye.
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239. It's this Sunday?
Why can'tJeff and Cindy take her?
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240. They have some equestrian
thing in Santa Barbara.
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241. You know, they do that horse
shit every single weekend.
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242. Well, it's the nationals. They're taking
both horses, so apparently it's a big deal.
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243. What about Olive?
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244. Little Miss Sunshine!
Little Miss Sunshine! I won!
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245. I won!
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246. I'm going! We're going!
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247. - You promised?
- We'll fly out and come back Monday.
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248. - How are you gonna get around out there?
- We'll rent a car.
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249. - And stay at a hotel?
- We can afford it.
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250. - This is our seed money.
- Well, if I had a little help bringin' it in.
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251. - Don't start that.
- It all goes to your nine steps!
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252. I told you I'm gonna talk
to Stan Grossman!
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253. We're gonna get locked and loaded on this
deal and start generating some income!
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254. - But in the meantime we've gotta be-
- Okay, okay! We'll drive!
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255. - I'm not drivin'.
- How are you gonna fit Grandpa in the Miata?
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256. - Well, Grandpa does not have to come.
- What? I coached her!
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257. I gave her the moves.
I gotta go.
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258. - Why don't you take the V. W?
- I cannot drive a shift. I tried.
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259. - We'll fly there.
- We can't afford it.
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260. Well, that's what we're gonna do
unless you have a better idea.
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261. Here. This is dessert.
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262. I won! I won!
I won! I won! I won!
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263. I won! I won! I won!
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264. Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine!
Little Miss Sunshine!
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265. All right.
I'll drive the bus.
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266. Richard, I was told explicitly
not to leave Frank by himself.
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267. - No offense, Frank.
- None taken.
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268. You got Dwayne here.
They can look after each other.
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269. No, Richard! That's asking too much.
If something happened-
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270. We can't go, then, unless
Dwayne and Frank go with us.
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271. - Mom, where's my bathing suit?
- Right.
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272. Frank?
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273. I found it!
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274. Okay.
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275. I'm going! I'm going!
I'm going!
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276. Oh, Dwayne, come on, please.
Think of your sister.
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277. Come on, Dwayne.
It'll be a lot of fun.
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278. You can go to the beach and-
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279. "This is unfair.
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280. "All I ask is...
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281. that you leave me alone. "
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282. Dwayne, flight school.
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283. I will give you permission
for flight school.
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284. I won! I won! I won! I won!
I'm gonna win this one too!
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285. "But I'm not going...
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286. to have any fun. "
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287. Yeah, we're all with you
on that one, Dwayne.
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288. Grandpa! Grandpa!
Is Grandpa coming to California?
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289. - We're all coming, honey.
- Hey, uh, hold on.
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290. Olive, come over here
for a second.
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291. Come here.
Sit down for a second.
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292. Look, there's no sense
in entering a contest...
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293. if you don't think
you're gonna win.
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294. So do you think you can win
Little Miss Sunshine?
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295. Richard-
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296. Are you gonna win?
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297. Yes!
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298. We're going to California.
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299. Good night, Dwayne.
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300. Not on your watch.
I wouldn't do that to you.
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301. Thank you, Dwayne.
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302. Coming from you,
that means a lot.
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303. Good night.
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304. Jesus, I'm tired.
I'm so fucking tired.
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305. Do you know how tired I am?
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306. If some girl came up to me,
begged me to fuck her, I couldn't do it.
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307. - Dad? Watch the language, huh?
- That's how tired I am.
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308. She's listening to music.
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309. Olive, I'll give you a million dollars
if you turn around.
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310. - See?
- All right.
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311. - But the rest of us.
- Oh, the rest of you.
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312. Can I give you some advice?
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313. Well, I'm gonna
give it to you anyway.
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314. - I don't want you making the same mistakes I made.
- Can't wait to hear this.
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315. Dwayne-That's your name,
right? Dwayne?
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316. This is the voice
of experience talking.
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317. Are you listening?
Fuck a lot of women, Dwayne.
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318. - Hey! Dad!
- Not just one woman. A lot of women.
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319. - That's enough, all right?
- Are you gettin' any?
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320. - Dad!
- You can tell me, Dwayne. Are you gettin' any?
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321. - Come on, please.
- No? Jesus. You're what, 15?
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322. - My God, man!
- Dad!
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323. You should be gettin'that young stuff.
That young stuff is the best in the world.
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324. - Dad, that's enough! Stop it!
- Will you kindly not interrupt!
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325. See, right now you're jailbait.
They're jailbait. It's perfect.
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326. I mean, you hit 18- Man, you're
talking about three to five.
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327. Hey, I will pull
this truck over right now!
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328. So pull the truck over!
Fuck you! I can say what I want.
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329. - I still got Nazi bullets in my ass!
- Ah, the Nazi bullets!
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330. You're as bad as those fuckers at Sunset Manor.
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331. - What happened at Sunset Manor?
- Frank, don't encourage him.
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332. I'll tell you what happened.
I paid my money. They took my money.
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333. I should be able to do
what the fuck I want!
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334. - He started snorting heroin.
- You started snorting heroin?
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335. - I'm old!
- Well, that stuff'll kill you.
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336. What am I, an idiot?
And don't you start taking that shit.
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337. When you're young,
you're crazy to do that stuff.
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338. - What about you?
- I'm old. When you're old, you're crazy not to do it.
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339. We've tried. Believe me. The intervention
was a fiasco. He's worse than a two-year-old.
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340. Can we please talk
about something else?
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341. - I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor.
- Frank.
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342. Are you kidding me?
It was a fuckin' paradise.
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343. They got a pool.
They got golf.
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344. Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here,
sleepin' on a fuckin' sofa.
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345. Look, I know you're a homo and all,
but maybe you can appreciate this.
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346. You go to one of those places,
there's four women for every guy.
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347. - Can you imagine what that's like?
- You must've been very busy.
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348. Whoa! I had second-degree burns
on my johnson. I kid you not.
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349. - Really?
- Forget about it.
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350. What are you guys
talking about?
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351. Politics.
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352. Oh.
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353. Fuck a lot of women, kid.
I have no reason to lie to you.
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354. Not one woman.
A lot of women.
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355. You heard what I said?
Did it go in anywhere?
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356. Yeah, I think
we get the point, Dad.
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357. Don't show me the pad.
I don't want to see the fuckin' pad.
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358. Mom, how much can we spend?
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359. I would say four dollars.
Anything under four dollars.
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360. Hi. You ready?
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361. Yeah, I'm gonna have the,
uh, number five with coffee, please.
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362. All right.
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363. A number seven, over easy,
and a grapefruit juice.
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364. - Grapefruit. Okay.
- I would like a fruit plate.
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365. - And do you have chamomile?
- Yes.
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366. - With honey, please.
- I would like the lumberjack and coffee.
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367. - And extra bacon.
- Extra.
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368. - Now, Dad, you should probably-
- Richard, don't start.
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369. - He's gonna kill himself.
- Well, it's his life.
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370. - Thank you, Sheryl.
- Garden salad?
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371. And you.
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372. - L- I'm sorry. I, um- Sorry.
- Take your time.
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373. Don't apologize, Olive.
It's a sign of weakness.
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374. Um, well, I want- Okay, okay.
I know what I want. I know.
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375. Okay, can I get
the waffles and, uh-
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376. I don't-
What does "alamodey" mean?
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377. - Oh, that means it comes with ice cream.
- Okay, "alamodey" then.
Copy !req
378. - Olive, for breakfast?
- You said four dollars.
Copy !req
379. Okay. You're right.
Thank you.
Copy !req
380. Okay. Be right back.
Copy !req
381. Actually, Olive,
"à la mode'in French...
Copy !req
382. translates literally
as "in the fashion. "
Copy !req
383. À la mode.
Copy !req
384. "Mode'is derived from Latin modus,
meaning "due or proper measure. "
Copy !req
385. - Frank, shut up.
- Richard!
Copy !req
386. Olive, can I tell you a little
something about ice cream?
Copy !req
387. - Yeah.
- Well, ice cream is made from cream...
Copy !req
388. which comes from cow's milk...
Copy !req
389. and cream has a lot of fat in it.
Copy !req
390. - Richard.
- What?
Copy !req
391. - She's gonna find out anyway, remember?
- What? Find out what?
Copy !req
392. Well, when you eat ice cream, the fat
in the ice cream becomes fat in your body.
Copy !req
393. - Richard, I swear to God-
- It's true.
Copy !req
394. - What? What's wrong?
- Nothing, honey. Nothing's wrong.
Copy !req
395. So if you eat a lot of ice cream,
you might become fat.
Copy !req
396. And if you don't, you're gonna
stay nice and skinny, sweetie.
Copy !req
397. - Mom-
- Olive, Richard is an idiot.
Copy !req
398. I like a woman
with meat on her bones.
Copy !req
399. I don't- Why's everyone so upset?
Copy !req
400. No, no one's upset, honey. L-
Copy !req
401. I just want you to understand...
Copy !req
402. it's okay to be skinny, and it's okay
to be fat, if that's what you want to be.
Copy !req
403. Whatever you want, it's okay.
Copy !req
404. Okay, but, Olive,
let me ask you this.
Copy !req
405. Those women in Miss America-
Copy !req
406. Are they skinny,
or are they fat?
Copy !req
407. Honey?
Copy !req
408. Well, they're skinny, I guess.
Copy !req
409. Yeah. I guess they don't
eat a lot of ice cream.
Copy !req
410. Okay. Coffee. Coffee.
Copy !req
411. - Grapefruit.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
412. Chamomile.
And here's your ice cream.
Copy !req
413. "Alamodey," right? I'll be back
with your waffles in a second.
Copy !req
414. Does anyone want my ice cream?
Copy !req
415. Yeah, I'd like a little.
Dwayne? Frank?
Copy !req
416. - Olive's not gonna have her ice cream.
- Do you mind if I have a little?
Copy !req
417. - Yeah, let's dig in.
- That looks really good.
Copy !req
418. Boy, I feel sorry for anybody...
Copy !req
419. that doesn't want to enjoy their ice cream
so early in the morning.
Copy !req
420. - Boy, that looks good.
- You sure you don't wanna have some, Olive?
Copy !req
421. Those waffles are gonna be
awful lonely in there.
Copy !req
422. - Mmm! Mmm!
- Watch this.
Copy !req
423. Wait! Stop!
Don't eat it all.
Copy !req
424. - All right, Olive-
- Richard!
Copy !req
425. Hey, Stan!
Copy !req
426. Stan, it's Richard. Again.
Listen, I know you're busy...
Copy !req
427. but we're just dying to hear what sort
of numbers you came up with in Scottsdale.
Copy !req
428. - So, uh, give me a call, please.
- Hey, did you get him?
Copy !req
429. No, I can't get a signal out of this thing.
Copy !req
430. How long till we get there?
Copy !req
431. - A long time, honey.
- I know. But how long?
Copy !req
432. Well, we gotta do 600 miles of driving
today and 200 tomorrow.
Copy !req
433. - That's a lot of driving. Let's go.
- I'll drive for a while.
Copy !req
434. - No, no. I got it.
- No. I gotta learn how to do this.
Copy !req
435. You're doing it.
How hard can it be?
Copy !req
436. - Push the stick down hard.
- I'm pushing hard.
Copy !req
437. Okay. Okay, there you go.
Copy !req
438. Now push the clutch in
all the way to the floor.
Copy !req
439. It's on the floor.
The floor.
Copy !req
440. Sticking on there.
Copy !req
441. Push down hard.
Copy !req
442. Well, you've got a problem.
Copy !req
443. Your clutch is, uh, shot.
Copy !req
444. Can we get a new one?
Copy !req
445. These old buses, you-
you have to order the part.
Copy !req
446. How long does it take?
Copy !req
447. Well, it's the weekend...
Copy !req
448. so... maybe... Thursday.
Copy !req
449. Is there a, uh,
dealership around here?
Copy !req
450. Well, uh, they're
probably gonna be closed.
Copy !req
451. It's, uh-
It's the weekend, you know.
Copy !req
452. Yes, we're aware of that.
Copy !req
453. I'll tell you what.
You know these- these old buses?
Copy !req
454. You don't need the clutch to change from-
from the third to the fourth.
Copy !req
455. You only really need the clutch to go
from number one to number two.
Copy !req
456. But as long as you keep
parking on a hill...
Copy !req
457. and you let it go, and it goes
15, 20 miles per hour...
Copy !req
458. you start her in third,
and you go from third to fourth.
Copy !req
459. What if you're not
on a hill? There's no hill.
Copy !req
460. What if there's no hill?
What do you-
Copy !req
461. Yeah, it's-
Copy !req
462. Olive, Dad, I want you
in the car first.
Copy !req
463. - I know. We know.
- All right, here we go!
Copy !req
464. Everybody push!
All right.
Copy !req
465. Here we go! Push! Push!
Copy !req
466. Ok- Ok- Okay!
Copy !req
467. I just want everyone here to know...
Copy !req
468. that I am the preeminent
Proust scholar in the United States.
Copy !req
469. Here we go!
Copy !req
470. - Go on, honey.
- I'm putting it in gear!
Copy !req
471. - Go, honey!
- Come on!
Copy !req
472. Come on, Olive!
Run! Run! Come on!
Copy !req
473. - Come on!
- Sheryl, let's go!
Copy !req
474. Sheryl!
Copy !req
475. - Frank, let's go!
- I'm coming.
Copy !req
476. - You're losing them. Slow down!
- I can't slow down!
Copy !req
477. - Come on! Come on! Come on, you dumb bastard!
- I can't. I can't slow down.
Copy !req
478. - I can't slow down!
- Let's go!
Copy !req
479. Help him. Come on!
Copy !req
480. Come on. Come on. Get in.
Copy !req
481. No one gets left behind.
Copy !req
482. - Close the door!
- No one gets left behind!
Copy !req
483. Outstanding, soldier!
Outstanding!
Copy !req
484. Outstanding.
Copy !req
485. - Was that fun?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
486. So finally I'm just sitting there...
Copy !req
487. and I decide, you know,
"This is Stan Grossman. What the hell?"
Copy !req
488. And I start pitching him
the nine steps.
Copy !req
489. And about- I don't know-
two minutes in, he stops me, he says...
Copy !req
490. "I can sell this. "
Copy !req
491. Mm-hmm. Interesting.
Copy !req
492. Yeah, and this is the guy
who knows how to do it.
Copy !req
493. You start with a book, and then you do a media
tour, corporate events, DVD, VHS series.
Copy !req
494. I mean, there's a whole fascinating science
into how you roll these things out.
Copy !req
495. - Wow.
- Yeah, so he's in Scottsdale right now, you know...
Copy !req
496. building the buzz and kind of getting
the whole hype thing going.
Copy !req
497. He's doing what the pros call
a ticking clock auction.
Copy !req
498. Oh, how about that!
Copy !req
499. Yeah, and I can detect
that note of sarcasm there, Frank.
Copy !req
500. What sarcasm? I didn't-
I didn't hear it.
Copy !req
501. But I want you
to know something.
Copy !req
502. I feel sorry for you.
Copy !req
503. You do? Good.
Copy !req
504. Yeah, I do. Because sarcasm
is the refuge oflosers.
Copy !req
505. - It is? Really?
- Yep.
Copy !req
506. Sarcasm is losers trying to bring
winners down to their level...
Copy !req
507. and that's step four in the program.
Copy !req
508. Wow, Richard, you've really opened
my eyes to what a loser I am.
Copy !req
509. - How much do I owe you for those pearls of wisdom?
- That one's on the house.
Copy !req
510. - Okay, you guys, that's enough.
- It's on the house.
Copy !req
511. - That was for free?
- No charge. No charge.
Copy !req
512. - Stop it!
- He started it.
Copy !req
513. That's- Oh, wait a second.
Copy !req
514. - You are so bad.
- Quiet. This is it. This is that call.
Copy !req
515. He-Hello?
Copy !req
516. Stan?
Copy !req
517. Stan?
Copy !req
518. Stan Grossman?
Richard Hoover.
Copy !req
519. Finally. How're ya doin'?
Copy !req
520. No, I know. We were, uh, on the highway,
and I lost you on my cell.
Copy !req
521. Forget about it.
How'd we do?
Copy !req
522. Honey, I'm gonna use the ladies' room.
You need to go?
Copy !req
523. No. I'm gonna go practice
my routine over there.
Copy !req
524. Okay, well, don't go too far.
Copy !req
525. Well, I think that we just
gotta talk to him a little.
Copy !req
526. No, you gotta talk to him.
Copy !req
527. No, Stan, listen to me.
Hold on now.
Copy !req
528. I am going to get something to drink.
You want anything?
Copy !req
529. - Stay positive and-
- Yeah, get me some porn.
Copy !req
530. Okay.
Copy !req
531. Get me something really nasty too.
I don't want any of that airbrushed shit.
Copy !req
532. - Okay.
- Okay, here's a 20. Get yourself a little treat too.
Copy !req
533. - Get yourself a fag rag.
- All right. I will.
Copy !req
534. Uh, that one. Yes. And that one.
Copy !req
535. And I would like
that one- No, down.
Copy !req
536. Yes. Yes. Yes.
I would like that one.
Copy !req
537. And, uh, I will have a-
Copy !req
538. a blue raspberry Slushee.
Copy !req
539. Frank?
Copy !req
540. Oh, my God! How are you?
Copy !req
541. Uh— I thought you were gonna
be in Santa Fe for the conference.
Copy !req
542. I was looking for you.
Copy !req
543. - Aren't you supposed to be in New Haven?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
544. - Well, you heard about Larry and the whole genius thing, right?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
545. - It's official.
- Oh, good.
Copy !req
546. So we're going to this private
spa in Sedona for the week-
Copy !req
547. - Larry's here?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
548. - He's out filling the tank. He's, uh-
- Oh. Yeah, there he is.
Copy !req
549. Wow. I can't believe this.
How have you been?
Copy !req
550. I've been fine.
Copy !req
551. Good. Good.
Copy !req
552. You know, I heard
that you got fired.
Copy !req
553. Yeah. No, I quit, 'cause
enough is enough, you know?
Copy !req
554. Right. Good. Good.
Copy !req
555. So what are you up to now?
Copy !req
556. Um, I'm weighing my options...
Copy !req
557. and, um, just, you know,
taking some time off, and so-
Copy !req
558. Great. That's great.
Copy !req
559. $ 19.79, sir.
Copy !req
560. So-
Copy !req
561. - Well, it was great to see you.
- Yeah, you too.
Copy !req
562. - Take care of yourself.
- You too.
Copy !req
563. Bye.
Copy !req
564. Hey.
Copy !req
565. You forgot your Slushee.
Copy !req
566. You're in Scottsdale right now, right?
Copy !req
567. Okay, I can come by.
Copy !req
568. I'm gonna be coming through there.
I could swing right by. We could-
Copy !req
569. Christ.
He's not getting it.
Copy !req
570. Did you try that?
Copy !req
571. Listen to what
I'm saying, Stan! I'll-I'll-
Copy !req
572. So what happened?
Copy !req
573. Nothing.
Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
574. Wait a minute. I thought
you said this was a done deal.
Copy !req
575. - He said it was a done deal.
- What, you didn't get anything?
Copy !req
576. Oh, my God!
Where does that leave us?
Copy !req
577. Fucked.
That's where it leaves us.
Copy !req
578. - I can't believe I'm hearing- Did you even
try negotiating? - Yes! Of course I tried!
Copy !req
579. What do you think I-
Copy !req
580. Let's just go, okay?
Let's go. Let's go.
Copy !req
581. Come on.
Copy !req
582. Let's go!
Copy !req
583. "Where's Olive?"
Copy !req
584. Oh!
Copy !req
585. All right, Frank.
Copy !req
586. - Come on, Olive.
- Come on, Olive.
Copy !req
587. Come on, sweetie, jump.
Jump in the car.
Copy !req
588. - We can't stop. Jump.
- I got her! I got her!
Copy !req
589. Richard.
Copy !req
590. Yeah.
Copy !req
591. Whatever happens, you tried
to do something on your own...
Copy !req
592. which is more than
most people ever do...
Copy !req
593. and I include myself
in that category.
Copy !req
594. You took a big chance.
That took guts, and I'm proud of you.
Copy !req
595. Okay, Dad.
Thank you.
Copy !req
596. Thank you, Dad.
Copy !req
597. Okay, here is 11.
Copy !req
598. Frank, you're 12.
Copy !req
599. And Grandpa's 13.
Copy !req
600. Can I sleep with Grandpa tonight?
Copy !req
601. Well, you'll have to ask Grandpa.
Copy !req
602. - Grandpa?
- I got two beds.
Copy !req
603. You could still use some rehearsing.
Copy !req
604. Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Copy !req
605. All right, everybody,
we have a long day tomorrow.
Copy !req
606. I'll knock on your doors at 7:00 a. M.
Copy !req
607. That means no lollygagging.
Copy !req
608. We need to be packed
and on the road by 7:40, guys.
Copy !req
609. - Frank, you guys'll be okay?
- Yeah, we're fine.
Copy !req
610. - Okay, well, good night.
- Good night.
Copy !req
611. - Sleep tight.
- Okay.
Copy !req
612. What a fucking nightmare.
Copy !req
613. Richard, we-
we have to talk.
Copy !req
614. Please.
Copy !req
615. Sheryl, let's just
get through this and go home.
Copy !req
616. No, Richard, we have to talk now!
Copy !req
617. I tried to tell you
we couldn't afford this trip!
Copy !req
618. - Do you realize we're becoming bankrupt?
- We are not bankrupt!
Copy !req
619. Hey, don't listen to that.
Copy !req
620. Let's turn on the tube.
Copy !req
621. We agree that the right man to preserve
the traditions— I'm gonna brush my teeth.
Copy !req
622. Secretary Rumsfeld and I
thought long and hard...
Copy !req
623. about this important choice.
Copy !req
624. To me-
Copy !req
625. You said this was a lock!
You said it was a done deal!
Copy !req
626. Stan Grossman said it was a done deal!
Copy !req
627. I'm not married to Stan Grossman!
Copy !req
628. I trusted him! You gotta trust
to be trusted! That's step six!
Copy !req
629. Oh, fuck the nine steps, Richard!
Copy !req
630. They're not working!
Forget it! It's over!
Copy !req
631. I never want to hear
about the nine steps again!
Copy !req
632. Perfect. Perfect. You're
the world champion growler.
Copy !req
633. Time for your beauty rest.
Get in there.
Copy !req
634. There you go.
Copy !req
635. Good night.
Copy !req
636. - Grandpa?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
637. I'm kinda scared about tomorrow.
Copy !req
638. Are you kiddin' me?
You're gonna blow 'em out of the water.
Copy !req
639. They're not gonna know
what hit 'em.
Copy !req
640. - Grandpa?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
641. Am I pretty?
Copy !req
642. Olive, you are...
Copy !req
643. the most beautiful girl
in the whole world.
Copy !req
644. Nah, you're just saying that.
Copy !req
645. No, I'm not. I'm madly
in love with you.
Copy !req
646. And it's not because of your brains
or your personality.
Copy !req
647. It's because you're
beautiful, inside and out.
Copy !req
648. - Grandpa?
- What?
Copy !req
649. - I don't want to be a loser.
- You're not a loser.
Copy !req
650. Where'd you get the idea
you're a loser?
Copy !req
651. Because Daddy hates losers.
Copy !req
652. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Back up a minute.
Copy !req
653. You know what a loser is?
Copy !req
654. A real loser is somebody that's so afraid
of not winning, they don't even try.
Copy !req
655. - Now, you're trying, right?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
656. Well, then, you're not a loser.
We're gonna have fun tomorrow, right?
Copy !req
657. Yeah.
Copy !req
658. We can tell 'em all to go to hell.
Copy !req
659. Good night, sweetie.
I love you.
Copy !req
660. What are you doing?
Copy !req
661. I'm gonna fix this.
Copy !req
662. Richard-
Copy !req
663. I'm gonna fix this.
Copy !req
664. Here we go.
Here we go.
Copy !req
665. Hi.
Copy !req
666. Hi. Stan Grossman, please.
Copy !req
667. Stan, it's Richard.
I don't know where the fuck you are.
Copy !req
668. I'm at the hotel.
Call me.
Copy !req
669. But it's funny.
Copy !req
670. So I said, "You want me to teach you
about life experiences?
Copy !req
671. You can write a book
about my experiences. "
Copy !req
672. So he says to me-
Copy !req
673. Hello, Stan.
Copy !req
674. You're the one
that said it would sell!
Copy !req
675. That's what I thought at the time.
Copy !req
676. But it's a great program.
You said so yourself. I don't understand.
Copy !req
677. It's not the program, Richard.
It's you. Okay?
Copy !req
678. No one's heard of you.
Nobody cares.
Copy !req
679. What's the next step?
Copy !req
680. There is none.
We had our shot.
Copy !req
681. It didn't fly.
We move on.
Copy !req
682. - You-You mean give up?
- Richard.
Copy !req
683. Hey, wh-Whoa, hey! One setback here,
and you're ready to just quit?
Copy !req
684. Richard, listen.
I pushed this thing hard, okay?
Copy !req
685. I rammed it down their fucking throats,
and no one bought it!
Copy !req
686. It's time to move on.
You're not gonna win this one.
Copy !req
687. Okay. Okay.
You know what?
Copy !req
688. Good. I'm glad.
You know why?
Copy !req
689. Because this is what
the nine steps are all about.
Copy !req
690. - Right here, Stan. Right here!
- Richard.
Copy !req
691. - Richard, please.
- You blew it!
Copy !req
692. You blew it.
You're out.
Copy !req
693. Mom? Dad?
Copy !req
694. What is it, hon?
Copy !req
695. Grandpa won't wake up.
Copy !req
696. Want to take an eye test?
Copy !req
697. Uncle Frank?
An eye test?
Copy !req
698. Olive, come here.
Put those away.
Copy !req
699. We're gonna have a family meeting.
Dwayne, family meeting.
Copy !req
700. First of all...
Copy !req
701. the doctors are doing everything they can
to help Grandpa right now.
Copy !req
702. He's had a long, eventful life...
Copy !req
703. and I know he loves
both of you very much.
Copy !req
704. But if God wants to take him,
we have to be ready to accept that, okay?
Copy !req
705. Whatever happens,
we're a family.
Copy !req
706. And what's important
is that we love each other.
Copy !req
707. I love you guys so, so much.
Copy !req
708. Look at this.
This is a 15-pound turkey.
Copy !req
709. It does it in three hours' time.
Copy !req
710. Are you the family of Edwin Hoover?
Copy !req
711. Yes.
Copy !req
712. I'm sorry.
We did everything we could.
Copy !req
713. He was, uh-
Copy !req
714. Well, it was too much.
Copy !req
715. He probably just fell asleep
and never woke up.
Copy !req
716. I'll have someone come talk to you
about handling the remains.
Copy !req
717. Thank you.
Copy !req
718. Linda!
Copy !req
719. Mom?
Copy !req
720. Is Grandpa dead?
Copy !req
721. Yeah, honey.
He passed away.
Copy !req
722. That's what this
machine does. Chicken, fish or beef.
Copy !req
723. So you always look forward
to eating the food.
Copy !req
724. And that, I believe-
Copy !req
725. Put it in the machine.
Center it. Turn it around.
Copy !req
726. Hi. I'm your
bereavement liaison, Linda.
Copy !req
727. - My consolations for your loss.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
728. Okay, these are the forms
you need to fill out.
Copy !req
729. A death certificate.
Copy !req
730. A report of death.
An M.E. Pink slip.
Copy !req
731. Please try and be
as detailed as possible.
Copy !req
732. Um, this is a brochure...
Copy !req
733. for a grief recovery support
group that meets on Tuesdays.
Copy !req
734. And, if you like, at this time,
I can refer you to a funeral home...
Copy !req
735. so you can begin making
your own arrangements.
Copy !req
736. Actually, prearrangements
have already been made in Albuquerque.
Copy !req
737. - Albuquerque?
- We're actually on our way to California right now.
Copy !req
738. If the body is crossing state lines,
you're gonna need a burial transit permit.
Copy !req
739. Okay, but we're trying
to get to Redondo Beach by 3:00.
Copy !req
740. 3:00 today? Hmm.
Ain't gonna happen.
Copy !req
741. Okay, um, can I just-
Copy !req
742. I know that this is, uh-
this might be a little unusual...
Copy !req
743. but if maybe we could just go.
Copy !req
744. And then we'll come back, and we'll
take care of all the paperwork and-
Copy !req
745. No. You can't just abandon the body.
Copy !req
746. No, no, no. Nobody's gonna abandon
the body. We're gonna go and-
Copy !req
747. Otherwise, the hospital
becomes responsible.
Copy !req
748. Sir, there are ways
we have of doing things.
Copy !req
749. We're gonna go and come back.
Copy !req
750. You are not the only one that's
had somebody die here today, okay?
Copy !req
751. Is there any way we might
be able to view the remains?
Copy !req
752. We haven't had a chance
to move him downstairs...
Copy !req
753. so someone may come in in a few minutes
to take him to the basement.
Copy !req
754. Just tell them who you are,
and they will wait.
Copy !req
755. - Thank you.
- Okay?
Copy !req
756. And when you're done with the paperwork,
I'll be at the nurses' station.
Copy !req
757. - Great. Thank you, Linda.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
758. Goddamn it, Dad.
Goddamn it!
Copy !req
759. Stupid.
Copy !req
760. We'll go to Little Miss Sunshine
next year, okay, honey?
Copy !req
761. Next year.
Copy !req
762. No. No.
We've come 700 miles.
Copy !req
763. I will be damned if I'm not
making that contest, Sheryl.
Copy !req
764. Well, Richard,
we can't leave him here.
Copy !req
765. We're not gonna leave him.
Copy !req
766. - Richard, what are you doing?
- Fuck.
Copy !req
767. - Dwayne, go around outside.
- Richard, what are you thinking?
Copy !req
768. - We're gonna take him with us.
- No, no. That is not happening.
Copy !req
769. He's better off with us
that these people.
Copy !req
770. I want you to go around outside
and underneath this window.
Copy !req
771. Dwayne, don't you dare move.
Copy !req
772. Honey, you stay here.
We'll take Olive. Frank can drive.
Copy !req
773. No, Sheryl, we'll be there in two hours.
I'll call a funeral home once we get there.
Copy !req
774. If there's one thing
my father would have wanted...
Copy !req
775. it's to see Olive perform
in the Little Miss Sunshine Pageant.
Copy !req
776. Now, I believe we'd be doing
a grave disservice to his memory...
Copy !req
777. if we were to just give up now.
Copy !req
778. All right? There's two kinds
of people in this world.
Copy !req
779. There's winners and there's losers. Okay?
You know what the difference is?
Copy !req
780. Winners don't give up.
Copy !req
781. So what are we here?
Are we winners, or are we losers?
Copy !req
782. Huh?
Copy !req
783. Okay, okay, okay.
Let's do it.
Copy !req
784. You guys go. Olive,
you watch the curtain.
Copy !req
785. I don't know. I have no reason
to assume it's gonna be otherwise.
Copy !req
786. Watch. Get the back.
Get the back.
Copy !req
787. Shh. Go, go, go.
Copy !req
788. Yeah, 1:00.
Copy !req
789. Now?
Copy !req
790. - He's very heavy. Be gentle.
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
791. Now!
Copy !req
792. One, two-
Copy !req
793. Okay, three.
Wait, wait, wait!
Copy !req
794. Not yet. Not yet.
Copy !req
795. - Okay, go. Go, go, go.
- Shh, shh, shh. Okay.
Copy !req
796. Richard, I can't do it!
Copy !req
797. - I got him. I got him.
- Come on.
Copy !req
798. Come on!
Hurry up!
Copy !req
799. Okay, he's slipping.
Okay.
Copy !req
800. Hold on.
Copy !req
801. I got it. I got it.
I got it. I got it.
Copy !req
802. Be careful.
Copy !req
803. - Be cool. Be cool.
- Hurry up.
Copy !req
804. Keep watch, Olive.
Copy !req
805. Watch the curb.
Watch the curb.
Copy !req
806. Watch his head!
Watch it!
Copy !req
807. Keys.
Copy !req
808. Swing him around this way.
Copy !req
809. - Olive, get in.
- Here we go.
Copy !req
810. Okay, let's go.
Copy !req
811. Sheryl. Let's go, Frank.
Copy !req
812. Did I mention that I am the preeminent
Proust scholar in the U. S?
Copy !req
813. Here we go! Here we go!
Copy !req
814. Are you okay?
Copy !req
815. - Dad?
- Yeah, honey?
Copy !req
816. What's gonna happen to Grandpa?
Copy !req
817. Uncle Frank?
Copy !req
818. Yeah?
Copy !req
819. Do you think there's a heaven?
Copy !req
820. That's hard to say, Olive.
L- I don't think anyone knows for sure.
Copy !req
821. I know, but what do you think?
Copy !req
822. Um, well-
Copy !req
823. I think there is one.
Copy !req
824. - You think I'll get in?
- Yes.
Copy !req
825. - Promise?
- Yes.
Copy !req
826. Whoa! Hey! Son of a bitch!
Copy !req
827. - What happened?
- He- He cut me off.
Copy !req
828. - It's stuck.
- Okay, just leave it.
Copy !req
829. It's stuck or something.
Copy !req
830. - Maybe-Try pulling it from under here.
- No, no. Just leave it.
Copy !req
831. - Fix it when we get there.
- Okay, fine.
Copy !req
832. Shit!
Copy !req
833. Oh, Jesus! God!
Copy !req
834. I'm being pulled over.
Here we go.
Copy !req
835. Okay. Everybody just
pretend to be normal, okay?
Copy !req
836. Like-Like everything's normal here.
Copy !req
837. How you folks doin'?
Copy !req
838. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we're fine.
Just-
Copy !req
839. - Little trouble with the horn?
- Sorry. What?
Copy !req
840. - Havin' a little trouble with your horn?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
841. Little trouble. Sorry.
Uh, sorry.
Copy !req
842. Could you step outside
the vehicle?
Copy !req
843. - Step this way, please.
- No, no.
Copy !req
844. - What?
- Don't-
Copy !req
845. "Don't" what?
Copy !req
846. - Do you have something in your trunk, sir?
- It's nothing. L-
Copy !req
847. - Don't- Don't open it. - You've just given
me probable cause to search your trunk.
Copy !req
848. - Just- I- I just-
- Put your hands on the vehicle now! Now!
Copy !req
849. - Don't move.
- Okay.
Copy !req
850. - It's not illegal!
- Sir, I would advise you to keep your mouth shut!
Copy !req
851. Oh, my God.
What is he doing?
Copy !req
852. - It's not illegal.
- Goddamn.
Copy !req
853. Sir, could you come back here?
Copy !req
854. I love this stuff. I love it.
Copy !req
855. God bless ya.
God bless ya.
Copy !req
856. Don't worry.
I'm not gonna bust ya.
Copy !req
857. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
858. How you doin'?
Copy !req
859. - Cute- Cute family. That's nice.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
860. - This on the side. A little of
this, a little of that. - It's-
Copy !req
861. - Oh, man.
- Sweet- Sweetness.
Copy !req
862. That is sweet. Yeah.
Copy !req
863. - Dirty.
- And this one is one of my favorites.
Copy !req
864. Ahh, good, yeah.
Copy !req
865. That's a little different choice.
Copy !req
866. No?
Copy !req
867. - Gonna leave that with ya.
- All right.
Copy !req
868. - You have a good day there.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
869. What happened?
Copy !req
870. I'll tell you when I regain consciousness.
Copy !req
871. Frank, Dwayne, get out and push.
Copy !req
872. Okay, there it is- Redondo Beach, 46.
Copy !req
873. It's 2:15.
Might be a few minutes late.
Copy !req
874. They said 3:00 sharp. They were very explicit.
We can't cross these people. Trust me.
Copy !req
875. - Mom, Dwayne has 20/20 vision.
- I bet he does.
Copy !req
876. Okay, now I'm gonna check
to see if you're color blind.
Copy !req
877. Asshole!
Copy !req
878. What's the letter in the circle?
Copy !req
879. No, no, no.
Inside the circle.
Copy !req
880. Right there. See?
Copy !req
881. It's an "A." Can't you see it?
Right there.
Copy !req
882. It's bright green.
Copy !req
883. Oh, man.
Copy !req
884. Dwayne, I think you
might be color blind.
Copy !req
885. You can't fly jets
if you're color blind.
Copy !req
886. We've got a little bit of-
Okay, got an emergency back here.
Copy !req
887. - I think we need to pull over.
- What is it?
Copy !req
888. - What's the emergency?
- Pull over.
Copy !req
889. It's all right, man. Dwayne, Dwayne!
It's all right. Hold on.
Copy !req
890. - Just pull over the car!
- Okay! All right!
Copy !req
891. - Could you get him to pull over, please?
- Richard, pull over!
Copy !req
892. - Richard, pull over the car!
- It's all right. We're pulling over.
Copy !req
893. - I'm pulling over. Stop it.
- It's all right.
Copy !req
894. - Dwayne! No, no. Dwayne. Sit down.
- God, this better be good.
Copy !req
895. - Pull over.
- I'm pulling over. All right.
Copy !req
896. - Stop the car. It's gonna be okay, Dwayne.
- All right. Don't open the door.
Copy !req
897. Dwayne? Oh, God!
Copy !req
898. Fuck!
Copy !req
899. - What happened?
- He's color blind. He can't fly.
Copy !req
900. Oh, Jesus. Oh, no.
Copy !req
901. Uh, just-
just give him a second.
Copy !req
902. Dwayne?
Copy !req
903. Dwayne, honey, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
904. - Dwayne, come on. We have to go.
- I'm not going.
Copy !req
905. - Dwayne-
- I said I'm not.
Copy !req
906. Okay? I don't care.
I'm not getting on that bus again.
Copy !req
907. Dwayne, for better or worse,
we're your family.
Copy !req
908. No, you're not my family!
Okay? I don't wanna be your family!
Copy !req
909. I hate you fucking people!
I hate you!
Copy !req
910. Divorce, bankrupt, suicide!
Copy !req
911. You fucking losers!
You're losers!
Copy !req
912. No. Please
just leave me here, Mom.
Copy !req
913. Okay?
Please, please, please.
Copy !req
914. Please just leave me here.
Copy !req
915. Shit.
Copy !req
916. I don't know what to do.
Copy !req
917. Well, it's gettin'late.
Copy !req
918. Maybe- Can somebody
stay here with him?
Copy !req
919. - I'll stay.
- Oh, that is not happening.
Copy !req
920. All right. Well...
Copy !req
921. uh...
Copy !req
922. I'm just worried about the time.
Copy !req
923. Olive, you, uh-
Copy !req
924. you wanna try talking to him?
Copy !req
925. Richard, no! There is nothing to say.
We just have to wait.
Copy !req
926. Honey-
Copy !req
927. Okay.
Copy !req
928. Let's go.
Copy !req
929. I apologize for the things I said.
Copy !req
930. I was upset.
I didn't really mean them.
Copy !req
931. It's okay. Come on.
Let's go.
Copy !req
932. 2:55.
Copy !req
933. All right. Everybody,
look for the exit, okay?
Copy !req
934. Okay, here! Here's the turnoff.
Turn in here.
Copy !req
935. Does anybody see
the Redondo Suites?
Copy !req
936. - There's the hotel!
- There it is! There it is, Olive.
Copy !req
937. We're gonna make it.
We're gonna make it. All right.
Copy !req
938. How- How the hell
do you get over there?
Copy !req
939. - Sheryl?
- No, no, no, no!
Copy !req
940. - You're passing it!
- Turn around, turn around.
Copy !req
941. - You drove past it!
- You've gotta turn around!
Copy !req
942. - It's back there!
- I can't turn around.
Copy !req
943. - Anybody see a way back? It's a one-way street!
- Oh!
Copy !req
944. Rich! You've got parking lots on the right!
Copy !req
945. - Here, here!
- Put your seat belt on, baby!
Copy !req
946. - What are you doing?
- I can't slow down! I can't!
Copy !req
947. - What time is it, Frank?
- Oh, 2:59.
Copy !req
948. - Dad!
- Straight shot from here. We're gonna make it.
Copy !req
949. - Oh, it's a dead end!
- I'm not goin' back!
Copy !req
950. - You have to go back!
- That is a one-way road!
Copy !req
951. That'll take us all the way
back to the freeway!
Copy !req
952. You're the one who told me
to go left back there!
Copy !req
953. I'm not turnin' back.
Copy !req
954. - Richard!
- It's right there.
Copy !req
955. What-What are you doing?
You can't do this!
Copy !req
956. - God, Richard!
- Okay, here's the hotel.
Copy !req
957. Okay, stop!
Copy !req
958. - Where's the entrance?
- Right here!
Copy !req
959. You passed it!
You're passing it!
Copy !req
960. Hold on!
Copy !req
961. Here we go. One more time.
Little bump.
Copy !req
962. Mom!
Copy !req
963. Hello?
Hi. We'd like to register.
Copy !req
964. - Sorry, we're closed.
- Uh, no. We have the entrant right here.
Copy !req
965. - We just wanna check in.
- Registration ended at 3:00.
Copy !req
966. - It's 3:00 now.
- No.
Copy !req
967. Come on. Have a heart. We're four minutes late.
We just drove all the way from Albuquerque.
Copy !req
968. - Then you should've been here by 3:00.
- Wait, wait.
Copy !req
969. There must be some way
we can work this out. Please.
Copy !req
970. Everybody else was here before 3:00.
I'd be giving unfair advantage.
Copy !req
971. No, we're not looking for an advantage.
We just want her to compete.
Copy !req
972. Don't yell at me, sir.
I didn't make you late.
Copy !req
973. We've settled on the schedule for the show.
We've turned off the computers.
Copy !req
974. - Our lineup is final. I have a hair check to do.
- Okay-
Copy !req
975. I'm sorry that you're late,
but I can't help you.
Copy !req
976. Please.
Copy !req
977. You don't know
what we've been through.
Copy !req
978. Um, Miss Jenkins?
L- I can put 'em in the system.
Copy !req
979. - Oh, Kirby, you don't have to.
- No, it's okay. Takes five minutes.
Copy !req
980. Well, it's your time.
Excuse me.
Copy !req
981. Thank you, Kirby.
Thank you very much.
Copy !req
982. Really, you don't know
what this means.
Copy !req
983. Please, it's only five minutes.
Copy !req
984. I am not working for these people
next year. These people are crazy.
Copy !req
985. Okay, so, what's your name?
Copy !req
986. - Olive.
- That's a nice name.
Copy !req
987. - Mom, Mom! Look!
- What's her last name?
Copy !req
988. - It's Miss California. It's really her!
- You want to go say hi?
Copy !req
989. Albuquerque-
Copy !req
990. - Thank you.
- Bonnie, come here.
Copy !req
991. - Hi! What's your name?
- Olive.
Copy !req
992. - What's your talent, Olive?
- I like dancing.
Copy !req
993. Dancing was too hard for me.
I'm a singer.
Copy !req
994. You must be a good dancer.
Copy !req
995. I am. I'm really good.
Copy !req
996. I bet you are.
Copy !req
997. Well, thanks for stopping by,
Olive. Best of luck.
Copy !req
998. Hmm. Miss California?
Copy !req
999. - Do you eat ice cream?
- I love ice cream.
Copy !req
1000. My favorite flavor is
Chocolate Cherry Garcia...
Copy !req
1001. although, technically,
I think that's a frozen yogurt.
Copy !req
1002. - Okay?
- Okay. Thanks. Bye.
Copy !req
1003. Bye.
Copy !req
1004. - Mom, she eats ice cream.
- I heard.
Copy !req
1005. Your packet has tickets in it,
and there's your badge number.
Copy !req
1006. - Okay.
- Is there anything else?
Copy !req
1007. Uh, yeah. Is there a funeral home
around here?
Copy !req
1008. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
1009. Okay, Olive,
let's get your swimsuit on.
Copy !req
1010. You wanna go change
behind the curtain?
Copy !req
1011. This is the last touch-up, everybody.
Final touch-ups. Last touch-up.
Copy !req
1012. - Okay! Wait!
- I won't wait for you!
Copy !req
1013. Let's get outta here.
Copy !req
1014. Hey! Hey, Olive Hoover.
Copy !req
1015. - Mm-hmm?
- Hey, I need your music.
Copy !req
1016. - Oh, music, right.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1017. Where is it? All right.
Copy !req
1018. Here you go.
Copy !req
1019. - This? Did you choose this?
- No, my grandpa did.
Copy !req
1020. - Your grandpa?
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
1021. - Which track?
- Twelve.
Copy !req
1022. We were drivin' five, six hours.
Thought he was napping.
Copy !req
1023. By the time we figured it out, it's-
Copy !req
1024. - You know.
- Too late.
Copy !req
1025. So where's the body?
Copy !req
1026. Um-
Copy !req
1027. Personal effects.
Copy !req
1028. - Thank you.
- You take care.
Copy !req
1029. You too.
Copy !req
1030. I'm ready.
Copy !req
1031. I'm ready.
Copy !req
1032. - She was scared, but she did very well.
- Was she?
Copy !req
1033. Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the 24th annual...
Copy !req
1034. Little Miss Sunshine Pageant!
Copy !req
1035. Yes!
Copy !req
1036. Now, please, put your hands together once
again and help me welcome to the stage...
Copy !req
1037. our 12 beautiful contestants!
Copy !req
1038. Wow.
Copy !req
1039. Oh, let's have a big round of applause
for our lovely contestants!
Copy !req
1040. At the end of the evening,
one of these girls...
Copy !req
1041. will be crowned
Little Miss Sunshine!
Copy !req
1042. Olive, honey,
are you okay in there?
Copy !req
1043. Yeah, I'm fine.
Copy !req
1044. Hey.
Copy !req
1045. What?
Copy !req
1046. You got a kid in the show?
Copy !req
1047. Your first time?
Copy !req
1048. Yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
1049. America!
Copy !req
1050. It's so beautiful!
Copy !req
1051. Sometimes I just wish
I could go to sleep till I was 18...
Copy !req
1052. and skip all this crap- high school
and everything-just skip it.
Copy !req
1053. You know Marcel Proust?
Copy !req
1054. - He's the guy you teach.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1055. French writer.
Total loser.
Copy !req
1056. Never had a real job.
Copy !req
1057. Unrequited love affairs. Gay.
Copy !req
1058. Spent 20 years writing a book
almost no one reads.
Copy !req
1059. But he's also probably
the greatest writer since Shakespeare.
Copy !req
1060. Anyway, he, uh-
he gets down to the end of his life...
Copy !req
1061. and he looks back and decides
that all those years he suffered-
Copy !req
1062. Those were the best years of his life,
'cause they made him who he was.
Copy !req
1063. All the years he was happy? You know,
total waste. Didn't learn a thing.
Copy !req
1064. So, if you sleep until you're 18...
Copy !req
1065. ah, think of the suffering
you're gonna miss.
Copy !req
1066. I mean, high school? High school-
Those are your prime suffering years.
Copy !req
1067. You don't get better suffering
than that.
Copy !req
1068. You know what?
Copy !req
1069. Fuck beauty contests.
Copy !req
1070. Life is one fucking
beauty contest after another.
Copy !req
1071. You know, school,
then college, then work?
Copy !req
1072. Fuck that.
Copy !req
1073. And fuck the Air Force Academy.
Copy !req
1074. If I wanna fly,
I'll find a way to fly.
Copy !req
1075. You do what you love,
and fuck the rest.
Copy !req
1076. I'm glad you're talkin' again, Dwayne.
Copy !req
1077. You're not nearly as stupid as you look.
Copy !req
1078. Wanna go back?
Copy !req
1079. Not really.
Copy !req
1080. Yeah, we should go back.
Copy !req
1081. And now, the moment
we've all been waiting for-
Copy !req
1082. the talent competition.
Copy !req
1083. Miss Carly Nugent.
Copy !req
1084. Yee-haw!
Copy !req
1085. Yodel-lay-he-hoo, that was great!
Copy !req
1086. Wow-ow-ow-ow!
Copy !req
1087. Funky-licious!
Copy !req
1088. I'm goin' backstage.
Copy !req
1089. Yeah, right. See ya.
Copy !req
1090. Oh, look at you.
Is that your costume?
Copy !req
1091. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
1092. Okay, here.
Copy !req
1093. - Hey, what's goin' on?
- Oh, I just- I came to wish Olive good luck.
Copy !req
1094. - How you doin', honey?
- Good.
Copy !req
1095. - Nervous.
- Yeah. You're gonna do great.
Copy !req
1096. I just know it.
Copy !req
1097. - Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1098. What's up?
Copy !req
1099. I don't want her to go on.
Copy !req
1100. - Are you authorized to be backstage?
- No. Hey.
Copy !req
1101. - Where are the dressing rooms?
- Are you allowed to be here?
Copy !req
1102. Just tell me where
the dressing rooms are.
Copy !req
1103. Listen, we're not in Albuquerque anymore.
Copy !req
1104. - Hey, how are you feeling?
- Better. Where's Olive?
Copy !req
1105. - There. What's up?
- Mom, I don't want Olive doing this.
Copy !req
1106. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1107. - Look around. This place is fucked!
- He's right!
Copy !req
1108. Look, I don't want these
people judging Olive. Fuck them!
Copy !req
1109. - Listen, it is too late.
- No, it's not too late. You're the mom...
Copy !req
1110. and you're supposed to protect her.
Copy !req
1111. Everyone is gonna laugh at her, Mom.
Please don't let her do this.
Copy !req
1112. Olive Hoover, two minutes.
Copy !req
1113. Look, she's not a beauty queen.
Copy !req
1114. She's just not.
Copy !req
1115. - I'm gonna tell her.
- No, Dwayne. You listen to me. Olive is who she is.
Copy !req
1116. She has worked so hard.
She's poured everything into this.
Copy !req
1117. We can't just take it away
from her. We can't.
Copy !req
1118. I know you wanna protect her. I know, honey,
but... we gotta let Olive be Olive.
Copy !req
1119. Olive Hoover. Are you the family?
Copy !req
1120. Yeah. Okay?
Copy !req
1121. Olive, it's time. Okay?
Copy !req
1122. Yeah.
Copy !req
1123. - We gotta go now.
- Hang on.
Copy !req
1124. Olive, look at me.
Copy !req
1125. If you don't want to do this,
that's okay.
Copy !req
1126. If you want to sit this one out, it's totally
fine by us. We're proud of you anyway.
Copy !req
1127. We gotta go.
Copy !req
1128. It's time.
Copy !req
1129. Ready? Let's go.
Copy !req
1130. Good luck, honey.
Copy !req
1131. Copy that. Twenty-five
is performance ready...
Copy !req
1132. and we're walkin'...
Copy !req
1133. as fast as we can.
Copy !req
1134. - Is she going on?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1135. She's going on.
Copy !req
1136. Pure fairy-tale magic.
Copy !req
1137. Miss Charisma Whiteman!
Copy !req
1138. Wasn't that a stardust fantasy?
Copy !req
1139. Thank you for that.
You have been such a patient audience.
Copy !req
1140. We have one more contestant,
and then we'll be crowning our winner.
Copy !req
1141. Please give a warm welcome to...
Copy !req
1142. Miss... Olive Hoover!
Copy !req
1143. You okay?
Copy !req
1144. Um, I'd like to dedicate this
to my grandpa...
Copy !req
1145. who showed me these moves.
Copy !req
1146. Oh, that is so sweet!
Copy !req
1147. Is he here?
Where is your grandpa right now?
Copy !req
1148. In the trunk of our car.
Copy !req
1149. Okay!
Copy !req
1150. Well, take it away, Olive!
Copy !req
1151. Huh!
Copy !req
1152. You suck!
Copy !req
1153. Those little fuckers. I will kill them.
Copy !req
1154. You stink!
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1155. No, no, no, no, no.
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1156. What is your daughter doing?
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1157. She's kickin' ass.
That's what she's doin'.
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1158. Get over here!
Get over here!
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1159. - I want that little ragamuffin off the stage this minute.
- All right.
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1160. - Get her. Right this minute!
- Don't touch- Don't touch her.
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1161. - Your act's over, honey.
- Hey!
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1162. - Hey! Hey, let go of my daughter!
- Oh!
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1163. Holy sh-
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1164. Let her finish!
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1165. Get off me!
Help! Get off me!
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1166. - Help me!
- Take charge! Just take charge!
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1167. Keep dancin', honey!
Daddy's okay.
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1168. Get your daughter
off this stage right now!
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1169. Now!
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1170. Honey?
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1171. - Like that?
- Oh!
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1172. - Ooh!
- Ah!
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1173. Yeah! All right!
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1174. Okay, you're out-
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1175. on the condition that you never enter
your daughter in a beauty pageant...
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1176. in the state of California ever again.
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1177. Ever.
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1178. I think we can live with that.
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1179. All right.
We're back in business.
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1180. Lock and load.
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1181. Olive, your grandpa would've
been really proud of you.
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1182. - Yeah, you were great. Mm-wah!
- You were beyond great.
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1183. - You were incredible.
- Thank you.
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1184. Let's get outta here.
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1185. Whoo!
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1186. It's in gear.
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1187. What in the world?
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1188. Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/gykk
Help other users to choose the best subtitles
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