- 1. The winner of a 30,000-dollar scholarship...
- 2. is Miss Louisiana, Erika Schwarz.
- 3. And the new Miss America
is Miss Kansas...
- 4. Tara Dawn Holland!
- 5. scholarship...
- 6. is Miss Louisiana, Erika Schwarz.
- 7. And the new Miss America
is Miss Kansas, Tara Dawn Holland!
- 8. There are two kinds
of people in this world-
- 9. winners and losers.
- 10. Inside each and every one of you...
- 11. at the very core of your being...
- 12. is a winner
waiting to be awakened...
- 13. and unleashed upon the world.
- 14. With my nine-step
"Refuse to Lose" program...
- 15. you now have the necessary
tools and the insights...
- 16. and the know-how to put
your losing habits behind you...
- 17. and to go out and make
your dreams come true.
- 18. No hesitating.
- 19. No complaining.
- 20. And no excuses.
- 21. I want you to go out
in the world...
- 22. and I want you to be winners!
- 23. Thank you.
- 24. Thank you.
- 25. I'm on my way.
- 26. I don't know how long.
I don't know!
- 27. Richard, he has
nowhere else to go.
- 28. I'm not smoking.
- 29. Look, I'm at the hospital.
Yeah, okay. Bye.
- 30. Miss Hoover?
Your brother's fine.
- 31. I need you to keep him away
from sharp objects-knives, scissors.
- 32. If you have medications, depressants
in your house, keep them secure.
- 33. - I'd prefer to keep him, but-
- I know. The insurance.
- 34. You want to see him?
- 35. Hey, Frank.
- 36. Sheryl.
- 37. I'm so glad you're still here.
- 38. Well, that makes one of us.
- 39. A strong low pressure
system passed across New Mexico...
- 40. bringing with it a little moisture
that will cool things off a bit.
- 41. We may even see a five- to 10-degree drop
in temperatures in Albuquerque.
- 42. There will be no significant
accumulations of rainfall-
- 43. Do you want to talk or no?
- 44. - Nearly nothing, but statewide 93%-
- 45. Hello?
- 46. Anyone?
- 47. Down here.
We have you with Dwayne.
- 48. Dwayne, hi.
Uncle Frank's here.
- 49. He doesn't mind, Frank.
- 50. Wha- I know. I know. But we can't have you
sleeping alone. The doctor said.
- 51. I'm sorry.
I have to insist.
- 52. You'll get along fine.
He's really quiet.
- 53. And here's your cot.
- 54. Please, Frank.
- 55. Please.
- 56. Thank you.
- 57. I'm gonna start dinner.
- 58. You can come out
when you're settled.
- 59. And, uh, just leave the door open.
- 60. Dwayne, honey, there's
a bucket of chicken in the car.
- 61. Can you get it?
And, uh, I'll make a salad.
- 62. - Olive?
- 63. - Is Grandpa with you?
- 64. - What are you guys doing?
- 65. - Okay, well, dinner in 10 minutes.
- 66. - Hi.
- Hi. Frank's here.
- 67. Oh, God.
Did, uh, Stan Grossman call?
- 68. Well, check the machine.
- 69. - Dwayne, please, come on.
- The chicken. It's in the car.
- 70. Will you set the table?
We'll do paper plates tonight.
- 71. Remember Olive
was runner-up in the Little Miss Sunshine?
- 72. - They just called right now-
- Hey, it's your sister!
- 73. Fuck.
- 74. Hi. Richard Hoover
for Stan Grossman, please.
- 75. Any way to reach him or-
- 76. Well, I'm just wondering
if this darn book deal is done or not.
- 77. If-
- 78. Yes.
- 79. Okay, could you please just have him
call me anytime over the weekend?
- 80. He has my cell number.
Just to let me know we're on.
- 81. Okay? Thank you. Bye.
- 82. - So what happened with Stan Grossman?
- He's in Scottsdale.
- 83. Why didn't he call?
- 84. Will you let me
worry about this, please?
- 85. Dwayne, can you check on Frank?
Tell him it's dinnertime.
- 86. Olive! Dinnertime!
- 87. Coming!
- 88. What? Dinner?
- 89. What, you don't talk anymore?
- 90. Why not?
- 91. You can talk.
You just choose not to?
- 92. Is that Nietzsche?
- 93. You don't speak
because of Friedrich Nietzsche.
- 94. Far out.
- 95. Frank, you can sit here next to Dwayne.
- 96. Here's the salad, and I'm gonna run
and get Sprite for everyone.
- 97. Olive, come on!
- 98. Okay.
- 99. So who do you hang out with?
- 100. No one?
- 101. What about your family?
- 102. Frank! Hey!
- 103. - Richard.
- Good to... see you.
- 104. Let me get Olive.
- 105. - Olive? Dad?
- You guys, go on and start.
- 106. - Let's go!
- We're coming.
- 107. - Frank, some Sprite?
- 108. And I want everyone to have
at least a little salad.
- 109. Thanks, Sheryl.
- 110. Honey.
- 111. So, Sheryl, I couldn't help noticing
Dwayne has stopped speaking.
- 112. Oh, yeah, he's taken a vow of silence.
- 113. You've taken a vow of silence?
- 114. Yeah. He's gonna join the Air Force Academy,
become a test pilot...
- 115. and he's taken a vow of silence
until he reaches that goal.
- 116. - You're kidding?
- Hi, Uncle Frank.
- 117. Oh, hey, Olive.
Wow, you're gettin' big.
- 118. Almost like a real person.
- 119. - What happened to your arms?
- 120. That's all right.
I had a little accident. I'm okay.
- 121. - How's the, uh, routine coming, honey?
- It's good.
- 122. Yeah? When are you
gonna show it to us?
- 123. I don't know.
It's up to Grandpa.
- 124. A couple of days.
It still needs work.
- 125. What's that? Chicken?
Every night it's the fuckin' chicken!
- 126. - Holy God Almighty! It is possible just once-
- 127. We could get something to eat around here
that's not the goddamn fucking chicken?
- 128. - Hey, Dad! Dad!
- I'm just sayin'-
- 129. - Christ.
- When you want to start cooking your own food, you're welcome.
- 130. At Sunset Manor, you know— If you like
Sunset Manor, you shouldn't have got kicked out.
- 131. For God's sakes.
- 132. So when did you start
with the vow?
- 133. Been nine months, Frank.
He hasn't said a word.
- 134. Not one. I think it shows
- 135. - Richard.
- I really do.
- 136. Really. I think we could
learn something from Dwayne.
- 137. Dwayne has a goal.
He has a dream.
- 138. It may not be my dream,
may not be yours...
- 139. but he's pursuing it with
great conviction and focus.
- 140. In fact, I was thinking
about the nine steps-
- 141. Oh, for crying out loud!
- 142. And how Dwayne's utilizing seven of them
in his personal quest to self-fulfillment.
- 143. Richard, please.
- 144. Well, I'm just saying
I've come around.
- 145. I think he could use our support.
- 146. How did it happen?
- 147. - How did what happen?
- Your accident.
- 148. Honey, here.
- 149. Oh, no, it's okay.
Unless you object.
- 150. No, I'm pro-honesty here.
I just think, you know, it's up to you.
- 151. Be my guest.
- 152. Olive, um, Uncle Frank
didn't really have an accident.
- 153. What happened was he...
tried to kill himself.
- 154. You did? Why?
- 155. I'm sorry. I don't think
this is an appropriate conversation.
- 156. Honey, let's let Uncle Frank
finish his dinner, okay? Shh.
- 157. Why did you want to kill yourself?
- 158. No, don't answer the question, Frank.
- 159. - Richard! Richard!
- He's not gonna answer the question. Frank.
- 160. - I wanted to kill myself-
- Don't listen to him.
- 161. - I was very unhappy.
- He's sick in his head.
- 162. - Richard!
- I'm sorry! I don't think it's an appropriate conversation...
- 163. - for a seven-year-old.
- She's gonna find out anyway.
- 164. - Okay.
- Go on, Frank.
- 165. Why were you unhappy?
- 166. Um, well, there are a lot of reasons.
- 167. Mainly, though, I fell in love
with someone who didn't love me back.
- 168. Who?
- 169. One of my grad students.
I was very much in love with him.
- 170. Him?
- 171. It was a boy?
You fell in love with a boy?
- 172. - Yes, I did. Very much so.
- That's silly.
- 173. You're right. It was silly.
It was very, very silly.
- 174. - There's another word for it.
- 175. - So, that's when you tried to kill yourself?
- Well, no.
- 176. The boy that I was in love with fell in love
with another man- Larry Sugarman.
- 177. - Who's Larry Sugarman?
- Larry Sugarman is, perhaps...
- 178. the second most highly regarded
Proust scholar in the U.S.
- 179. - Who's number one?
- That would be me, Rich.
- 180. - Really?
- 181. So that's when.
- 182. No. What happened was
I was a bit upset...
- 183. so I said some things
that I shouldn't have said...
- 184. and I did some things
that I shouldn't have done...
- 185. and subsequently
I was fired from my job...
- 186. and forced to move out of my apartment
and move into a motel.
- 187. - And that's when you tried to-
- Well, no.
- 188. Actually, all of that was okay.
- 189. What happened was two days ago the
MacArthur Foundation, in its infinite wisdom...
- 190. awarded a genius grant
to Larry Sugarman.
- 191. And that's when I-
- 192. Decided to check out early.
- 193. Yes. Yes. And I failed
at that as well.
- 194. Olive, the important thing
to understand here...
- 195. is that Uncle Frank
gave up on himself.
- 196. He made a series of foolish choices-
I'm sorry- and he gave up on himself...
- 197. which is something winners never do.
- 198. So that's the story, okay?
Now, everyone, just let's move on and, uh-
- 199. Is he always like this? How can you stand it?
- 200. Olive, tell him about your
routine while you're doing this.
- 201. Okay. Little Miss Chili Pepper is
a beauty contest for everyone in Albuquerque...
- 202. but you have to be six or seven
and you have to be a girl.
- 203. This is our sister.
- 204. - Cindy.
- Spring break.
- 205. Dwayne went to see his dad
in Florida for two weeks...
- 206. and Olive went to Laguna
to see her cousins.
- 207. - She made it to the top of the regionals out there.
- I was in second place.
- 208. Well, what do you think
your chances are?
- 209. I think I can win,
because some of the other girls...
- 210. they've been doing it longer,
but I practice every day.
- 211. - Yeah. Good luck.
- Not about luck, Frank.
- 212. Luck is the name losers give
to their own failings.
- 213. It's about wanting to win,
willing yourself to win.
- 214. - You've got to want it badder than anybody else.
- I do.
- 215. - Then you're gonna be a winner.
- 216. It's the truth.
- 217. You know, actually, there is a message
from Cindy on the machine.
- 218. Something about Little Mrs. Sunshine.
- 219. - What? Little Miss Sunshine?
- 220. What?
- 221. Sheryl, it's Cindy.
- 222. Remember when Olive
was here last month?
- 223. She was runner-up in the
regional Little Miss Sunshine?
- 224. They just called right now and said that
the girl who won had to forfeit her crown.
- 225. I don't know why.
Something about diet pills.
- 226. Now she has a place in the state
contest in Redondo Beach!
- 227. Oh, my gosh! I won!
I won! I won! I won!
- 228. - Finish your dinner!
- I'm finished!
- 229. - What happened?
- I'm just calling to- Cindy!
- 230. Yeah, we just got it.
Yeah, she basically went crazy.
- 231. - I won! I won! I won!
- No, I didn't get that.
- 232. The machine cut you off. Okay.
- 233. Redondo Beach. This Sunday?
- 234. - Wh-Are you guys going?
- 235. - Can you put it off?
- They have to. They have to.
- 236. - Where does that leave us?
- We can't do it. We can't.
- 237. No, no- No, I understand
that, Cindy. Yeah.
- 238. They— I just- No, I'll just
figure it out. Okay, bye-bye.
- 239. It's this Sunday?
Why can'tJeff and Cindy take her?
- 240. They have some equestrian
thing in Santa Barbara.
- 241. You know, they do that horse
shit every single weekend.
- 242. Well, it's the nationals. They're taking
both horses, so apparently it's a big deal.
- 243. What about Olive?
- 244. Little Miss Sunshine!
Little Miss Sunshine! I won!
- 245. I won!
- 246. I'm going! We're going!
- 247. - You promised?
- We'll fly out and come back Monday.
- 248. - How are you gonna get around out there?
- We'll rent a car.
- 249. - And stay at a hotel?
- We can afford it.
- 250. - This is our seed money.
- Well, if I had a little help bringin' it in.
- 251. - Don't start that.
- It all goes to your nine steps!
- 252. I told you I'm gonna talk
to Stan Grossman!
- 253. We're gonna get locked and loaded on this
deal and start generating some income!
- 254. - But in the meantime we've gotta be-
- Okay, okay! We'll drive!
- 255. - I'm not drivin'.
- How are you gonna fit Grandpa in the Miata?
- 256. - Well, Grandpa does not have to come.
- What? I coached her!
- 257. I gave her the moves.
I gotta go.
- 258. - Why don't you take the V. W?
- I cannot drive a shift. I tried.
- 259. - We'll fly there.
- We can't afford it.
- 260. Well, that's what we're gonna do
unless you have a better idea.
- 261. Here. This is dessert.
- 262. I won! I won!
I won! I won! I won!
- 263. I won! I won! I won!
- 264. Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine!
Little Miss Sunshine!
- 265. All right.
I'll drive the bus.
- 266. Richard, I was told explicitly
not to leave Frank by himself.
- 267. - No offense, Frank.
- None taken.
- 268. You got Dwayne here.
They can look after each other.
- 269. No, Richard! That's asking too much.
If something happened-
- 270. We can't go, then, unless
Dwayne and Frank go with us.
- 271. - Mom, where's my bathing suit?
- 272. Frank?
- 273. I found it!
- 274. Okay.
- 275. I'm going! I'm going!
- 276. Oh, Dwayne, come on, please.
Think of your sister.
- 277. Come on, Dwayne.
It'll be a lot of fun.
- 278. You can go to the beach and-
- 279. "This is unfair.
- 280. "All I ask is...
- 281. that you leave me alone. "
- 282. Dwayne, flight school.
- 283. I will give you permission
for flight school.
- 284. I won! I won! I won! I won!
I'm gonna win this one too!
- 285. "But I'm not going...
- 286. to have any fun. "
- 287. Yeah, we're all with you
on that one, Dwayne.
- 288. Grandpa! Grandpa!
Is Grandpa coming to California?
- 289. - We're all coming, honey.
- Hey, uh, hold on.
- 290. Olive, come over here
for a second.
- 291. Come here.
Sit down for a second.
- 292. Look, there's no sense
in entering a contest...
- 293. if you don't think
you're gonna win.
- 294. So do you think you can win
Little Miss Sunshine?
- 295. Richard-
- 296. Are you gonna win?
- 297. Yes!
- 298. We're going to California.
- 299. Good night, Dwayne.
- 300. Not on your watch.
I wouldn't do that to you.
- 301. Thank you, Dwayne.
- 302. Coming from you,
that means a lot.
- 303. Good night.
- 304. Jesus, I'm tired.
I'm so fucking tired.
- 305. Do you know how tired I am?
- 306. If some girl came up to me,
begged me to fuck her, I couldn't do it.
- 307. - Dad? Watch the language, huh?
- That's how tired I am.
- 308. She's listening to music.
- 309. Olive, I'll give you a million dollars
if you turn around.
- 310. - See?
- All right.
- 311. - But the rest of us.
- Oh, the rest of you.
- 312. Can I give you some advice?
- 313. Well, I'm gonna
give it to you anyway.
- 314. - I don't want you making the same mistakes I made.
- Can't wait to hear this.
- 315. Dwayne-That's your name,
- 316. This is the voice
of experience talking.
- 317. Are you listening?
Fuck a lot of women, Dwayne.
- 318. - Hey! Dad!
- Not just one woman. A lot of women.
- 319. - That's enough, all right?
- Are you gettin' any?
- 320. - Dad!
- You can tell me, Dwayne. Are you gettin' any?
- 321. - Come on, please.
- No? Jesus. You're what, 15?
- 322. - My God, man!
- 323. You should be gettin'that young stuff.
That young stuff is the best in the world.
- 324. - Dad, that's enough! Stop it!
- Will you kindly not interrupt!
- 325. See, right now you're jailbait.
They're jailbait. It's perfect.
- 326. I mean, you hit 18- Man, you're
talking about three to five.
- 327. Hey, I will pull
this truck over right now!
- 328. So pull the truck over!
Fuck you! I can say what I want.
- 329. - I still got Nazi bullets in my ass!
- Ah, the Nazi bullets!
- 330. You're as bad as those fuckers at Sunset Manor.
- 331. - What happened at Sunset Manor?
- Frank, don't encourage him.
- 332. I'll tell you what happened.
I paid my money. They took my money.
- 333. I should be able to do
what the fuck I want!
- 334. - He started snorting heroin.
- You started snorting heroin?
- 335. - I'm old!
- Well, that stuff'll kill you.
- 336. What am I, an idiot?
And don't you start taking that shit.
- 337. When you're young,
you're crazy to do that stuff.
- 338. - What about you?
- I'm old. When you're old, you're crazy not to do it.
- 339. We've tried. Believe me. The intervention
was a fiasco. He's worse than a two-year-old.
- 340. Can we please talk
about something else?
- 341. - I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor.
- 342. Are you kidding me?
It was a fuckin' paradise.
- 343. They got a pool.
They got golf.
- 344. Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here,
sleepin' on a fuckin' sofa.
- 345. Look, I know you're a homo and all,
but maybe you can appreciate this.
- 346. You go to one of those places,
there's four women for every guy.
- 347. - Can you imagine what that's like?
- You must've been very busy.
- 348. Whoa! I had second-degree burns
on my johnson. I kid you not.
- 349. - Really?
- Forget about it.
- 350. What are you guys
- 351. Politics.
- 352. Oh.
- 353. Fuck a lot of women, kid.
I have no reason to lie to you.
- 354. Not one woman.
A lot of women.
- 355. You heard what I said?
Did it go in anywhere?
- 356. Yeah, I think
we get the point, Dad.
- 357. Don't show me the pad.
I don't want to see the fuckin' pad.
- 358. Mom, how much can we spend?
- 359. I would say four dollars.
Anything under four dollars.
- 360. Hi. You ready?
- 361. Yeah, I'm gonna have the,
uh, number five with coffee, please.
- 362. All right.
- 363. A number seven, over easy,
and a grapefruit juice.
- 364. - Grapefruit. Okay.
- I would like a fruit plate.
- 365. - And do you have chamomile?
- 366. - With honey, please.
- I would like the lumberjack and coffee.
- 367. - And extra bacon.
- 368. - Now, Dad, you should probably-
- Richard, don't start.
- 369. - He's gonna kill himself.
- Well, it's his life.
- 370. - Thank you, Sheryl.
- Garden salad?
- 371. And you.
- 372. - L- I'm sorry. I, um- Sorry.
- Take your time.
- 373. Don't apologize, Olive.
It's a sign of weakness.
- 374. Um, well, I want- Okay, okay.
I know what I want. I know.
- 375. Okay, can I get
the waffles and, uh-
- 376. I don't-
What does "alamodey" mean?
- 377. - Oh, that means it comes with ice cream.
- Okay, "alamodey" then.
- 378. - Olive, for breakfast?
- You said four dollars.
- 379. Okay. You're right.
- 380. Okay. Be right back.
- 381. Actually, Olive,
"à la mode'in French...
- 382. translates literally
as "in the fashion. "
- 383. À la mode.
- 384. "Mode'is derived from Latin modus,
meaning "due or proper measure. "
- 385. - Frank, shut up.
- 386. Olive, can I tell you a little
something about ice cream?
- 387. - Yeah.
- Well, ice cream is made from cream...
- 388. which comes from cow's milk...
- 389. and cream has a lot of fat in it.
- 390. - Richard.
- 391. - She's gonna find out anyway, remember?
- What? Find out what?
- 392. Well, when you eat ice cream, the fat
in the ice cream becomes fat in your body.
- 393. - Richard, I swear to God-
- It's true.
- 394. - What? What's wrong?
- Nothing, honey. Nothing's wrong.
- 395. So if you eat a lot of ice cream,
you might become fat.
- 396. And if you don't, you're gonna
stay nice and skinny, sweetie.
- 397. - Mom-
- Olive, Richard is an idiot.
- 398. I like a woman
with meat on her bones.
- 399. I don't- Why's everyone so upset?
- 400. No, no one's upset, honey. L-
- 401. I just want you to understand...
- 402. it's okay to be skinny, and it's okay
to be fat, if that's what you want to be.
- 403. Whatever you want, it's okay.
- 404. Okay, but, Olive,
let me ask you this.
- 405. Those women in Miss America-
- 406. Are they skinny,
or are they fat?
- 407. Honey?
- 408. Well, they're skinny, I guess.
- 409. Yeah. I guess they don't
eat a lot of ice cream.
- 410. Okay. Coffee. Coffee.
- 411. - Grapefruit.
- Thank you.
- 412. Chamomile.
And here's your ice cream.
- 413. "Alamodey," right? I'll be back
with your waffles in a second.
- 414. Does anyone want my ice cream?
- 415. Yeah, I'd like a little.
- 416. - Olive's not gonna have her ice cream.
- Do you mind if I have a little?
- 417. - Yeah, let's dig in.
- That looks really good.
- 418. Boy, I feel sorry for anybody...
- 419. that doesn't want to enjoy their ice cream
so early in the morning.
- 420. - Boy, that looks good.
- You sure you don't wanna have some, Olive?
- 421. Those waffles are gonna be
awful lonely in there.
- 422. - Mmm! Mmm!
- Watch this.
- 423. Wait! Stop!
Don't eat it all.
- 424. - All right, Olive-
- 425. Hey, Stan!
- 426. Stan, it's Richard. Again.
Listen, I know you're busy...
- 427. but we're just dying to hear what sort
of numbers you came up with in Scottsdale.
- 428. - So, uh, give me a call, please.
- Hey, did you get him?
- 429. No, I can't get a signal out of this thing.
- 430. How long till we get there?
- 431. - A long time, honey.
- I know. But how long?
- 432. Well, we gotta do 600 miles of driving
today and 200 tomorrow.
- 433. - That's a lot of driving. Let's go.
- I'll drive for a while.
- 434. - No, no. I got it.
- No. I gotta learn how to do this.
- 435. You're doing it.
How hard can it be?
- 436. - Push the stick down hard.
- I'm pushing hard.
- 437. Okay. Okay, there you go.
- 438. Now push the clutch in
all the way to the floor.
- 439. It's on the floor.
- 440. Sticking on there.
- 441. Push down hard.
- 442. Well, you've got a problem.
- 443. Your clutch is, uh, shot.
- 444. Can we get a new one?
- 445. These old buses, you-
you have to order the part.
- 446. How long does it take?
- 447. Well, it's the weekend...
- 448. so... maybe... Thursday.
- 449. Is there a, uh,
dealership around here?
- 450. Well, uh, they're
probably gonna be closed.
- 451. It's, uh-
It's the weekend, you know.
- 452. Yes, we're aware of that.
- 453. I'll tell you what.
You know these- these old buses?
- 454. You don't need the clutch to change from-
from the third to the fourth.
- 455. You only really need the clutch to go
from number one to number two.
- 456. But as long as you keep
parking on a hill...
- 457. and you let it go, and it goes
15, 20 miles per hour...
- 458. you start her in third,
and you go from third to fourth.
- 459. What if you're not
on a hill? There's no hill.
- 460. What if there's no hill?
What do you-
- 461. Yeah, it's-
- 462. Olive, Dad, I want you
in the car first.
- 463. - I know. We know.
- All right, here we go!
- 464. Everybody push!
- 465. Here we go! Push! Push!
- 466. Ok- Ok- Okay!
- 467. I just want everyone here to know...
- 468. that I am the preeminent
Proust scholar in the United States.
- 469. Here we go!
- 470. - Go on, honey.
- I'm putting it in gear!
- 471. - Go, honey!
- Come on!
- 472. Come on, Olive!
Run! Run! Come on!
- 473. - Come on!
- Sheryl, let's go!
- 474. Sheryl!
- 475. - Frank, let's go!
- I'm coming.
- 476. - You're losing them. Slow down!
- I can't slow down!
- 477. - Come on! Come on! Come on, you dumb bastard!
- I can't. I can't slow down.
- 478. - I can't slow down!
- Let's go!
- 479. Help him. Come on!
- 480. Come on. Come on. Get in.
- 481. No one gets left behind.
- 482. - Close the door!
- No one gets left behind!
- 483. Outstanding, soldier!
- 484. Outstanding.
- 485. - Was that fun?
- 486. So finally I'm just sitting there...
- 487. and I decide, you know,
"This is Stan Grossman. What the hell?"
- 488. And I start pitching him
the nine steps.
- 489. And about- I don't know-
two minutes in, he stops me, he says...
- 490. "I can sell this. "
- 491. Mm-hmm. Interesting.
- 492. Yeah, and this is the guy
who knows how to do it.
- 493. You start with a book, and then you do a media
tour, corporate events, DVD, VHS series.
- 494. I mean, there's a whole fascinating science
into how you roll these things out.
- 495. - Wow.
- Yeah, so he's in Scottsdale right now, you know...
- 496. building the buzz and kind of getting
the whole hype thing going.
- 497. He's doing what the pros call
a ticking clock auction.
- 498. Oh, how about that!
- 499. Yeah, and I can detect
that note of sarcasm there, Frank.
- 500. What sarcasm? I didn't-
I didn't hear it.
- 501. But I want you
to know something.
- 502. I feel sorry for you.
- 503. You do? Good.
- 504. Yeah, I do. Because sarcasm
is the refuge oflosers.
- 505. - It is? Really?
- 506. Sarcasm is losers trying to bring
winners down to their level...
- 507. and that's step four in the program.
- 508. Wow, Richard, you've really opened
my eyes to what a loser I am.
- 509. - How much do I owe you for those pearls of wisdom?
- That one's on the house.
- 510. - Okay, you guys, that's enough.
- It's on the house.
- 511. - That was for free?
- No charge. No charge.
- 512. - Stop it!
- He started it.
- 513. That's- Oh, wait a second.
- 514. - You are so bad.
- Quiet. This is it. This is that call.
- 515. He-Hello?
- 516. Stan?
- 517. Stan?
- 518. Stan Grossman?
- 519. Finally. How're ya doin'?
- 520. No, I know. We were, uh, on the highway,
and I lost you on my cell.
- 521. Forget about it.
How'd we do?
- 522. Honey, I'm gonna use the ladies' room.
You need to go?
- 523. No. I'm gonna go practice
my routine over there.
- 524. Okay, well, don't go too far.
- 525. Well, I think that we just
gotta talk to him a little.
- 526. No, you gotta talk to him.
- 527. No, Stan, listen to me.
Hold on now.
- 528. I am going to get something to drink.
You want anything?
- 529. - Stay positive and-
- Yeah, get me some porn.
- 530. Okay.
- 531. Get me something really nasty too.
I don't want any of that airbrushed shit.
- 532. - Okay.
- Okay, here's a 20. Get yourself a little treat too.
- 533. - Get yourself a fag rag.
- All right. I will.
- 534. Uh, that one. Yes. And that one.
- 535. And I would like
that one- No, down.
- 536. Yes. Yes. Yes.
I would like that one.
- 537. And, uh, I will have a-
- 538. a blue raspberry Slushee.
- 539. Frank?
- 540. Oh, my God! How are you?
- 541. Uh— I thought you were gonna
be in Santa Fe for the conference.
- 542. I was looking for you.
- 543. - Aren't you supposed to be in New Haven?
- 544. - Well, you heard about Larry and the whole genius thing, right?
- 545. - It's official.
- Oh, good.
- 546. So we're going to this private
spa in Sedona for the week-
- 547. - Larry's here?
- 548. - He's out filling the tank. He's, uh-
- Oh. Yeah, there he is.
- 549. Wow. I can't believe this.
How have you been?
- 550. I've been fine.
- 551. Good. Good.
- 552. You know, I heard
that you got fired.
- 553. Yeah. No, I quit, 'cause
enough is enough, you know?
- 554. Right. Good. Good.
- 555. So what are you up to now?
- 556. Um, I'm weighing my options...
- 557. and, um, just, you know,
taking some time off, and so-
- 558. Great. That's great.
- 559. $ 19.79, sir.
- 560. So-
- 561. - Well, it was great to see you.
- Yeah, you too.
- 562. - Take care of yourself.
- You too.
- 563. Bye.
- 564. Hey.
- 565. You forgot your Slushee.
- 566. You're in Scottsdale right now, right?
- 567. Okay, I can come by.
- 568. I'm gonna be coming through there.
I could swing right by. We could-
- 569. Christ.
He's not getting it.
- 570. Did you try that?
- 571. Listen to what
I'm saying, Stan! I'll-I'll-
- 572. So what happened?
- 573. Nothing.
Let's get out of here.
- 574. Wait a minute. I thought
you said this was a done deal.
- 575. - He said it was a done deal.
- What, you didn't get anything?
- 576. Oh, my God!
Where does that leave us?
- 577. Fucked.
That's where it leaves us.
- 578. - I can't believe I'm hearing- Did you even
try negotiating? - Yes! Of course I tried!
- 579. What do you think I-
- 580. Let's just go, okay?
Let's go. Let's go.
- 581. Come on.
- 582. Let's go!
- 583. "Where's Olive?"
- 584. Oh!
- 585. All right, Frank.
- 586. - Come on, Olive.
- Come on, Olive.
- 587. Come on, sweetie, jump.
Jump in the car.
- 588. - We can't stop. Jump.
- I got her! I got her!
- 589. Richard.
- 590. Yeah.
- 591. Whatever happens, you tried
to do something on your own...
- 592. which is more than
most people ever do...
- 593. and I include myself
in that category.
- 594. You took a big chance.
That took guts, and I'm proud of you.
- 595. Okay, Dad.
- 596. Thank you, Dad.
- 597. Okay, here is 11.
- 598. Frank, you're 12.
- 599. And Grandpa's 13.
- 600. Can I sleep with Grandpa tonight?
- 601. Well, you'll have to ask Grandpa.
- 602. - Grandpa?
- I got two beds.
- 603. You could still use some rehearsing.
- 604. Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
- 605. All right, everybody,
we have a long day tomorrow.
- 606. I'll knock on your doors at 7:00 a. M.
- 607. That means no lollygagging.
- 608. We need to be packed
and on the road by 7:40, guys.
- 609. - Frank, you guys'll be okay?
- Yeah, we're fine.
- 610. - Okay, well, good night.
- Good night.
- 611. - Sleep tight.
- 612. What a fucking nightmare.
- 613. Richard, we-
we have to talk.
- 614. Please.
- 615. Sheryl, let's just
get through this and go home.
- 616. No, Richard, we have to talk now!
- 617. I tried to tell you
we couldn't afford this trip!
- 618. - Do you realize we're becoming bankrupt?
- We are not bankrupt!
- 619. Hey, don't listen to that.
- 620. Let's turn on the tube.
- 621. We agree that the right man to preserve
the traditions— I'm gonna brush my teeth.
- 622. Secretary Rumsfeld and I
thought long and hard...
- 623. about this important choice.
- 624. To me-
- 625. You said this was a lock!
You said it was a done deal!
- 626. Stan Grossman said it was a done deal!
- 627. I'm not married to Stan Grossman!
- 628. I trusted him! You gotta trust
to be trusted! That's step six!
- 629. Oh, fuck the nine steps, Richard!
- 630. They're not working!
Forget it! It's over!
- 631. I never want to hear
about the nine steps again!
- 632. Perfect. Perfect. You're
the world champion growler.
- 633. Time for your beauty rest.
Get in there.
- 634. There you go.
- 635. Good night.
- 636. - Grandpa?
- 637. I'm kinda scared about tomorrow.
- 638. Are you kiddin' me?
You're gonna blow 'em out of the water.
- 639. They're not gonna know
what hit 'em.
- 640. - Grandpa?
- 641. Am I pretty?
- 642. Olive, you are...
- 643. the most beautiful girl
in the whole world.
- 644. Nah, you're just saying that.
- 645. No, I'm not. I'm madly
in love with you.
- 646. And it's not because of your brains
or your personality.
- 647. It's because you're
beautiful, inside and out.
- 648. - Grandpa?
- 649. - I don't want to be a loser.
- You're not a loser.
- 650. Where'd you get the idea
you're a loser?
- 651. Because Daddy hates losers.
- 652. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Back up a minute.
- 653. You know what a loser is?
- 654. A real loser is somebody that's so afraid
of not winning, they don't even try.
- 655. - Now, you're trying, right?
- 656. Well, then, you're not a loser.
We're gonna have fun tomorrow, right?
- 657. Yeah.
- 658. We can tell 'em all to go to hell.
- 659. Good night, sweetie.
I love you.
- 660. What are you doing?
- 661. I'm gonna fix this.
- 662. Richard-
- 663. I'm gonna fix this.
- 664. Here we go.
Here we go.
- 665. Hi.
- 666. Hi. Stan Grossman, please.
- 667. Stan, it's Richard.
I don't know where the fuck you are.
- 668. I'm at the hotel.
- 669. But it's funny.
- 670. So I said, "You want me to teach you
about life experiences?
- 671. You can write a book
about my experiences. "
- 672. So he says to me-
- 673. Hello, Stan.
- 674. You're the one
that said it would sell!
- 675. That's what I thought at the time.
- 676. But it's a great program.
You said so yourself. I don't understand.
- 677. It's not the program, Richard.
It's you. Okay?
- 678. No one's heard of you.
- 679. What's the next step?
- 680. There is none.
We had our shot.
- 681. It didn't fly.
We move on.
- 682. - You-You mean give up?
- 683. Hey, wh-Whoa, hey! One setback here,
and you're ready to just quit?
- 684. Richard, listen.
I pushed this thing hard, okay?
- 685. I rammed it down their fucking throats,
and no one bought it!
- 686. It's time to move on.
You're not gonna win this one.
- 687. Okay. Okay.
You know what?
- 688. Good. I'm glad.
You know why?
- 689. Because this is what
the nine steps are all about.
- 690. - Right here, Stan. Right here!
- 691. - Richard, please.
- You blew it!
- 692. You blew it.
- 693. Mom? Dad?
- 694. What is it, hon?
- 695. Grandpa won't wake up.
- 696. Want to take an eye test?
- 697. Uncle Frank?
An eye test?
- 698. Olive, come here.
Put those away.
- 699. We're gonna have a family meeting.
Dwayne, family meeting.
- 700. First of all...
- 701. the doctors are doing everything they can
to help Grandpa right now.
- 702. He's had a long, eventful life...
- 703. and I know he loves
both of you very much.
- 704. But if God wants to take him,
we have to be ready to accept that, okay?
- 705. Whatever happens,
we're a family.
- 706. And what's important
is that we love each other.
- 707. I love you guys so, so much.
- 708. Look at this.
This is a 15-pound turkey.
- 709. It does it in three hours' time.
- 710. Are you the family of Edwin Hoover?
- 711. Yes.
- 712. I'm sorry.
We did everything we could.
- 713. He was, uh-
- 714. Well, it was too much.
- 715. He probably just fell asleep
and never woke up.
- 716. I'll have someone come talk to you
about handling the remains.
- 717. Thank you.
- 718. Linda!
- 719. Mom?
- 720. Is Grandpa dead?
- 721. Yeah, honey.
He passed away.
- 722. That's what this
machine does. Chicken, fish or beef.
- 723. So you always look forward
to eating the food.
- 724. And that, I believe-
- 725. Put it in the machine.
Center it. Turn it around.
- 726. Hi. I'm your
bereavement liaison, Linda.
- 727. - My consolations for your loss.
- Thank you.
- 728. Okay, these are the forms
you need to fill out.
- 729. A death certificate.
- 730. A report of death.
An M.E. Pink slip.
- 731. Please try and be
as detailed as possible.
- 732. Um, this is a brochure...
- 733. for a grief recovery support
group that meets on Tuesdays.
- 734. And, if you like, at this time,
I can refer you to a funeral home...
- 735. so you can begin making
your own arrangements.
- 736. Actually, prearrangements
have already been made in Albuquerque.
- 737. - Albuquerque?
- We're actually on our way to California right now.
- 738. If the body is crossing state lines,
you're gonna need a burial transit permit.
- 739. Okay, but we're trying
to get to Redondo Beach by 3:00.
- 740. 3:00 today? Hmm.
Ain't gonna happen.
- 741. Okay, um, can I just-
- 742. I know that this is, uh-
this might be a little unusual...
- 743. but if maybe we could just go.
- 744. And then we'll come back, and we'll
take care of all the paperwork and-
- 745. No. You can't just abandon the body.
- 746. No, no, no. Nobody's gonna abandon
the body. We're gonna go and-
- 747. Otherwise, the hospital
- 748. Sir, there are ways
we have of doing things.
- 749. We're gonna go and come back.
- 750. You are not the only one that's
had somebody die here today, okay?
- 751. Is there any way we might
be able to view the remains?
- 752. We haven't had a chance
to move him downstairs...
- 753. so someone may come in in a few minutes
to take him to the basement.
- 754. Just tell them who you are,
and they will wait.
- 755. - Thank you.
- 756. And when you're done with the paperwork,
I'll be at the nurses' station.
- 757. - Great. Thank you, Linda.
- Thank you.
- 758. Goddamn it, Dad.
- 759. Stupid.
- 760. We'll go to Little Miss Sunshine
next year, okay, honey?
- 761. Next year.
- 762. No. No.
We've come 700 miles.
- 763. I will be damned if I'm not
making that contest, Sheryl.
- 764. Well, Richard,
we can't leave him here.
- 765. We're not gonna leave him.
- 766. - Richard, what are you doing?
- 767. - Dwayne, go around outside.
- Richard, what are you thinking?
- 768. - We're gonna take him with us.
- No, no. That is not happening.
- 769. He's better off with us
that these people.
- 770. I want you to go around outside
and underneath this window.
- 771. Dwayne, don't you dare move.
- 772. Honey, you stay here.
We'll take Olive. Frank can drive.
- 773. No, Sheryl, we'll be there in two hours.
I'll call a funeral home once we get there.
- 774. If there's one thing
my father would have wanted...
- 775. it's to see Olive perform
in the Little Miss Sunshine Pageant.
- 776. Now, I believe we'd be doing
a grave disservice to his memory...
- 777. if we were to just give up now.
- 778. All right? There's two kinds
of people in this world.
- 779. There's winners and there's losers. Okay?
You know what the difference is?
- 780. Winners don't give up.
- 781. So what are we here?
Are we winners, or are we losers?
- 782. Huh?
- 783. Okay, okay, okay.
Let's do it.
- 784. You guys go. Olive,
you watch the curtain.
- 785. I don't know. I have no reason
to assume it's gonna be otherwise.
- 786. Watch. Get the back.
Get the back.
- 787. Shh. Go, go, go.
- 788. Yeah, 1:00.
- 789. Now?
- 790. - He's very heavy. Be gentle.
- 791. Now!
- 792. One, two-
- 793. Okay, three.
Wait, wait, wait!
- 794. Not yet. Not yet.
- 795. - Okay, go. Go, go, go.
- Shh, shh, shh. Okay.
- 796. Richard, I can't do it!
- 797. - I got him. I got him.
- Come on.
- 798. Come on!
- 799. Okay, he's slipping.
- 800. Hold on.
- 801. I got it. I got it.
I got it. I got it.
- 802. Be careful.
- 803. - Be cool. Be cool.
- Hurry up.
- 804. Keep watch, Olive.
- 805. Watch the curb.
Watch the curb.
- 806. Watch his head!
- 807. Keys.
- 808. Swing him around this way.
- 809. - Olive, get in.
- Here we go.
- 810. Okay, let's go.
- 811. Sheryl. Let's go, Frank.
- 812. Did I mention that I am the preeminent
Proust scholar in the U. S?
- 813. Here we go! Here we go!
- 814. Are you okay?
- 815. - Dad?
- Yeah, honey?
- 816. What's gonna happen to Grandpa?
- 817. Uncle Frank?
- 818. Yeah?
- 819. Do you think there's a heaven?
- 820. That's hard to say, Olive.
L- I don't think anyone knows for sure.
- 821. I know, but what do you think?
- 822. Um, well-
- 823. I think there is one.
- 824. - You think I'll get in?
- 825. - Promise?
- 826. Whoa! Hey! Son of a bitch!
- 827. - What happened?
- He- He cut me off.
- 828. - It's stuck.
- Okay, just leave it.
- 829. It's stuck or something.
- 830. - Maybe-Try pulling it from under here.
- No, no. Just leave it.
- 831. - Fix it when we get there.
- Okay, fine.
- 832. Shit!
- 833. Oh, Jesus! God!
- 834. I'm being pulled over.
Here we go.
- 835. Okay. Everybody just
pretend to be normal, okay?
- 836. Like-Like everything's normal here.
- 837. How you folks doin'?
- 838. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we're fine.
- 839. - Little trouble with the horn?
- Sorry. What?
- 840. - Havin' a little trouble with your horn?
- 841. Little trouble. Sorry.
- 842. Could you step outside
- 843. - Step this way, please.
- No, no.
- 844. - What?
- 845. "Don't" what?
- 846. - Do you have something in your trunk, sir?
- It's nothing. L-
- 847. - Don't- Don't open it. - You've just given
me probable cause to search your trunk.
- 848. - Just- I- I just-
- Put your hands on the vehicle now! Now!
- 849. - Don't move.
- 850. - It's not illegal!
- Sir, I would advise you to keep your mouth shut!
- 851. Oh, my God.
What is he doing?
- 852. - It's not illegal.
- 853. Sir, could you come back here?
- 854. I love this stuff. I love it.
- 855. God bless ya.
God bless ya.
- 856. Don't worry.
I'm not gonna bust ya.
- 857. Oh, thank you.
- 858. How you doin'?
- 859. - Cute- Cute family. That's nice.
- Thank you.
- 860. - This on the side. A little of
this, a little of that. - It's-
- 861. - Oh, man.
- Sweet- Sweetness.
- 862. That is sweet. Yeah.
- 863. - Dirty.
- And this one is one of my favorites.
- 864. Ahh, good, yeah.
- 865. That's a little different choice.
- 866. No?
- 867. - Gonna leave that with ya.
- All right.
- 868. - You have a good day there.
- 869. What happened?
- 870. I'll tell you when I regain consciousness.
- 871. Frank, Dwayne, get out and push.
- 872. Okay, there it is- Redondo Beach, 46.
- 873. It's 2:15.
Might be a few minutes late.
- 874. They said 3:00 sharp. They were very explicit.
We can't cross these people. Trust me.
- 875. - Mom, Dwayne has 20/20 vision.
- I bet he does.
- 876. Okay, now I'm gonna check
to see if you're color blind.
- 877. Asshole!
- 878. What's the letter in the circle?
- 879. No, no, no.
Inside the circle.
- 880. Right there. See?
- 881. It's an "A." Can't you see it?
- 882. It's bright green.
- 883. Oh, man.
- 884. Dwayne, I think you
might be color blind.
- 885. You can't fly jets
if you're color blind.
- 886. We've got a little bit of-
Okay, got an emergency back here.
- 887. - I think we need to pull over.
- What is it?
- 888. - What's the emergency?
- Pull over.
- 889. It's all right, man. Dwayne, Dwayne!
It's all right. Hold on.
- 890. - Just pull over the car!
- Okay! All right!
- 891. - Could you get him to pull over, please?
- Richard, pull over!
- 892. - Richard, pull over the car!
- It's all right. We're pulling over.
- 893. - I'm pulling over. Stop it.
- It's all right.
- 894. - Dwayne! No, no. Dwayne. Sit down.
- God, this better be good.
- 895. - Pull over.
- I'm pulling over. All right.
- 896. - Stop the car. It's gonna be okay, Dwayne.
- All right. Don't open the door.
- 897. Dwayne? Oh, God!
- 898. Fuck!
- 899. - What happened?
- He's color blind. He can't fly.
- 900. Oh, Jesus. Oh, no.
- 901. Uh, just-
just give him a second.
- 902. Dwayne?
- 903. Dwayne, honey, I'm sorry.
- 904. - Dwayne, come on. We have to go.
- I'm not going.
- 905. - Dwayne-
- I said I'm not.
- 906. Okay? I don't care.
I'm not getting on that bus again.
- 907. Dwayne, for better or worse,
we're your family.
- 908. No, you're not my family!
Okay? I don't wanna be your family!
- 909. I hate you fucking people!
I hate you!
- 910. Divorce, bankrupt, suicide!
- 911. You fucking losers!
- 912. No. Please
just leave me here, Mom.
- 913. Okay?
Please, please, please.
- 914. Please just leave me here.
- 915. Shit.
- 916. I don't know what to do.
- 917. Well, it's gettin'late.
- 918. Maybe- Can somebody
stay here with him?
- 919. - I'll stay.
- Oh, that is not happening.
- 920. All right. Well...
- 921. uh...
- 922. I'm just worried about the time.
- 923. Olive, you, uh-
- 924. you wanna try talking to him?
- 925. Richard, no! There is nothing to say.
We just have to wait.
- 926. Honey-
- 927. Okay.
- 928. Let's go.
- 929. I apologize for the things I said.
- 930. I was upset.
I didn't really mean them.
- 931. It's okay. Come on.
- 932. 2:55.
- 933. All right. Everybody,
look for the exit, okay?
- 934. Okay, here! Here's the turnoff.
Turn in here.
- 935. Does anybody see
the Redondo Suites?
- 936. - There's the hotel!
- There it is! There it is, Olive.
- 937. We're gonna make it.
We're gonna make it. All right.
- 938. How- How the hell
do you get over there?
- 939. - Sheryl?
- No, no, no, no!
- 940. - You're passing it!
- Turn around, turn around.
- 941. - You drove past it!
- You've gotta turn around!
- 942. - It's back there!
- I can't turn around.
- 943. - Anybody see a way back? It's a one-way street!
- 944. Rich! You've got parking lots on the right!
- 945. - Here, here!
- Put your seat belt on, baby!
- 946. - What are you doing?
- I can't slow down! I can't!
- 947. - What time is it, Frank?
- Oh, 2:59.
- 948. - Dad!
- Straight shot from here. We're gonna make it.
- 949. - Oh, it's a dead end!
- I'm not goin' back!
- 950. - You have to go back!
- That is a one-way road!
- 951. That'll take us all the way
back to the freeway!
- 952. You're the one who told me
to go left back there!
- 953. I'm not turnin' back.
- 954. - Richard!
- It's right there.
- 955. What-What are you doing?
You can't do this!
- 956. - God, Richard!
- Okay, here's the hotel.
- 957. Okay, stop!
- 958. - Where's the entrance?
- Right here!
- 959. You passed it!
You're passing it!
- 960. Hold on!
- 961. Here we go. One more time.
- 962. Mom!
- 963. Hello?
Hi. We'd like to register.
- 964. - Sorry, we're closed.
- Uh, no. We have the entrant right here.
- 965. - We just wanna check in.
- Registration ended at 3:00.
- 966. - It's 3:00 now.
- 967. Come on. Have a heart. We're four minutes late.
We just drove all the way from Albuquerque.
- 968. - Then you should've been here by 3:00.
- Wait, wait.
- 969. There must be some way
we can work this out. Please.
- 970. Everybody else was here before 3:00.
I'd be giving unfair advantage.
- 971. No, we're not looking for an advantage.
We just want her to compete.
- 972. Don't yell at me, sir.
I didn't make you late.
- 973. We've settled on the schedule for the show.
We've turned off the computers.
- 974. - Our lineup is final. I have a hair check to do.
- 975. I'm sorry that you're late,
but I can't help you.
- 976. Please.
- 977. You don't know
what we've been through.
- 978. Um, Miss Jenkins?
L- I can put 'em in the system.
- 979. - Oh, Kirby, you don't have to.
- No, it's okay. Takes five minutes.
- 980. Well, it's your time.
- 981. Thank you, Kirby.
Thank you very much.
- 982. Really, you don't know
what this means.
- 983. Please, it's only five minutes.
- 984. I am not working for these people
next year. These people are crazy.
- 985. Okay, so, what's your name?
- 986. - Olive.
- That's a nice name.
- 987. - Mom, Mom! Look!
- What's her last name?
- 988. - It's Miss California. It's really her!
- You want to go say hi?
- 989. Albuquerque-
- 990. - Thank you.
- Bonnie, come here.
- 991. - Hi! What's your name?
- 992. - What's your talent, Olive?
- I like dancing.
- 993. Dancing was too hard for me.
I'm a singer.
- 994. You must be a good dancer.
- 995. I am. I'm really good.
- 996. I bet you are.
- 997. Well, thanks for stopping by,
Olive. Best of luck.
- 998. Hmm. Miss California?
- 999. - Do you eat ice cream?
- I love ice cream.
- 1000. My favorite flavor is
Chocolate Cherry Garcia...
- 1001. although, technically,
I think that's a frozen yogurt.
- 1002. - Okay?
- Okay. Thanks. Bye.
- 1003. Bye.
- 1004. - Mom, she eats ice cream.
- I heard.
- 1005. Your packet has tickets in it,
and there's your badge number.
- 1006. - Okay.
- Is there anything else?
- 1007. Uh, yeah. Is there a funeral home
- 1008. - Hi.
- 1009. Okay, Olive,
let's get your swimsuit on.
- 1010. You wanna go change
behind the curtain?
- 1011. This is the last touch-up, everybody.
Final touch-ups. Last touch-up.
- 1012. - Okay! Wait!
- I won't wait for you!
- 1013. Let's get outta here.
- 1014. Hey! Hey, Olive Hoover.
- 1015. - Mm-hmm?
- Hey, I need your music.
- 1016. - Oh, music, right.
- 1017. Where is it? All right.
- 1018. Here you go.
- 1019. - This? Did you choose this?
- No, my grandpa did.
- 1020. - Your grandpa?
- 1021. - Which track?
- 1022. We were drivin' five, six hours.
Thought he was napping.
- 1023. By the time we figured it out, it's-
- 1024. - You know.
- Too late.
- 1025. So where's the body?
- 1026. Um-
- 1027. Personal effects.
- 1028. - Thank you.
- You take care.
- 1029. You too.
- 1030. I'm ready.
- 1031. I'm ready.
- 1032. - She was scared, but she did very well.
- Was she?
- 1033. Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the 24th annual...
- 1034. Little Miss Sunshine Pageant!
- 1035. Yes!
- 1036. Now, please, put your hands together once
again and help me welcome to the stage...
- 1037. our 12 beautiful contestants!
- 1038. Wow.
- 1039. Oh, let's have a big round of applause
for our lovely contestants!
- 1040. At the end of the evening,
one of these girls...
- 1041. will be crowned
Little Miss Sunshine!
- 1042. Olive, honey,
are you okay in there?
- 1043. Yeah, I'm fine.
- 1044. Hey.
- 1045. What?
- 1046. You got a kid in the show?
- 1047. Your first time?
- 1048. Yeah, yeah.
- 1049. America!
- 1050. It's so beautiful!
- 1051. Sometimes I just wish
I could go to sleep till I was 18...
- 1052. and skip all this crap- high school
and everything-just skip it.
- 1053. You know Marcel Proust?
- 1054. - He's the guy you teach.
- 1055. French writer.
- 1056. Never had a real job.
- 1057. Unrequited love affairs. Gay.
- 1058. Spent 20 years writing a book
almost no one reads.
- 1059. But he's also probably
the greatest writer since Shakespeare.
- 1060. Anyway, he, uh-
he gets down to the end of his life...
- 1061. and he looks back and decides
that all those years he suffered-
- 1062. Those were the best years of his life,
'cause they made him who he was.
- 1063. All the years he was happy? You know,
total waste. Didn't learn a thing.
- 1064. So, if you sleep until you're 18...
- 1065. ah, think of the suffering
you're gonna miss.
- 1066. I mean, high school? High school-
Those are your prime suffering years.
- 1067. You don't get better suffering
- 1068. You know what?
- 1069. Fuck beauty contests.
- 1070. Life is one fucking
beauty contest after another.
- 1071. You know, school,
then college, then work?
- 1072. Fuck that.
- 1073. And fuck the Air Force Academy.
- 1074. If I wanna fly,
I'll find a way to fly.
- 1075. You do what you love,
and fuck the rest.
- 1076. I'm glad you're talkin' again, Dwayne.
- 1077. You're not nearly as stupid as you look.
- 1078. Wanna go back?
- 1079. Not really.
- 1080. Yeah, we should go back.
- 1081. And now, the moment
we've all been waiting for-
- 1082. the talent competition.
- 1083. Miss Carly Nugent.
- 1084. Yee-haw!
- 1085. Yodel-lay-he-hoo, that was great!
- 1086. Wow-ow-ow-ow!
- 1087. Funky-licious!
- 1088. I'm goin' backstage.
- 1089. Yeah, right. See ya.
- 1090. Oh, look at you.
Is that your costume?
- 1091. Mm-hmm.
- 1092. Okay, here.
- 1093. - Hey, what's goin' on?
- Oh, I just- I came to wish Olive good luck.
- 1094. - How you doin', honey?
- 1095. - Nervous.
- Yeah. You're gonna do great.
- 1096. I just know it.
- 1097. - Can I talk to you for a second?
- 1098. What's up?
- 1099. I don't want her to go on.
- 1100. - Are you authorized to be backstage?
- No. Hey.
- 1101. - Where are the dressing rooms?
- Are you allowed to be here?
- 1102. Just tell me where
the dressing rooms are.
- 1103. Listen, we're not in Albuquerque anymore.
- 1104. - Hey, how are you feeling?
- Better. Where's Olive?
- 1105. - There. What's up?
- Mom, I don't want Olive doing this.
- 1106. Oh, my God!
- 1107. - Look around. This place is fucked!
- He's right!
- 1108. Look, I don't want these
people judging Olive. Fuck them!
- 1109. - Listen, it is too late.
- No, it's not too late. You're the mom...
- 1110. and you're supposed to protect her.
- 1111. Everyone is gonna laugh at her, Mom.
Please don't let her do this.
- 1112. Olive Hoover, two minutes.
- 1113. Look, she's not a beauty queen.
- 1114. She's just not.
- 1115. - I'm gonna tell her.
- No, Dwayne. You listen to me. Olive is who she is.
- 1116. She has worked so hard.
She's poured everything into this.
- 1117. We can't just take it away
from her. We can't.
- 1118. I know you wanna protect her. I know, honey,
but... we gotta let Olive be Olive.
- 1119. Olive Hoover. Are you the family?
- 1120. Yeah. Okay?
- 1121. Olive, it's time. Okay?
- 1122. Yeah.
- 1123. - We gotta go now.
- Hang on.
- 1124. Olive, look at me.
- 1125. If you don't want to do this,
- 1126. If you want to sit this one out, it's totally
fine by us. We're proud of you anyway.
- 1127. We gotta go.
- 1128. It's time.
- 1129. Ready? Let's go.
- 1130. Good luck, honey.
- 1131. Copy that. Twenty-five
is performance ready...
- 1132. and we're walkin'...
- 1133. as fast as we can.
- 1134. - Is she going on?
- 1135. She's going on.
- 1136. Pure fairy-tale magic.
- 1137. Miss Charisma Whiteman!
- 1138. Wasn't that a stardust fantasy?
- 1139. Thank you for that.
You have been such a patient audience.
- 1140. We have one more contestant,
and then we'll be crowning our winner.
- 1141. Please give a warm welcome to...
- 1142. Miss... Olive Hoover!
- 1143. You okay?
- 1144. Um, I'd like to dedicate this
to my grandpa...
- 1145. who showed me these moves.
- 1146. Oh, that is so sweet!
- 1147. Is he here?
Where is your grandpa right now?
- 1148. In the trunk of our car.
- 1149. Okay!
- 1150. Well, take it away, Olive!
- 1151. Huh!
- 1152. You suck!
- 1153. Those little fuckers. I will kill them.
- 1154. You stink!
- 1155. No, no, no, no, no.
- 1156. What is your daughter doing?
- 1157. She's kickin' ass.
That's what she's doin'.
- 1158. Get over here!
Get over here!
- 1159. - I want that little ragamuffin off the stage this minute.
- All right.
- 1160. - Get her. Right this minute!
- Don't touch- Don't touch her.
- 1161. - Your act's over, honey.
- 1162. - Hey! Hey, let go of my daughter!
- 1163. Holy sh-
- 1164. Let her finish!
- 1165. Get off me!
Help! Get off me!
- 1166. - Help me!
- Take charge! Just take charge!
- 1167. Keep dancin', honey!
- 1168. Get your daughter
off this stage right now!
- 1169. Now!
- 1170. Honey?
- 1171. - Like that?
- 1172. - Ooh!
- 1173. Yeah! All right!
- 1174. Okay, you're out-
- 1175. on the condition that you never enter
your daughter in a beauty pageant...
- 1176. in the state of California ever again.
- 1177. Ever.
- 1178. I think we can live with that.
- 1179. All right.
We're back in business.
- 1180. Lock and load.
- 1181. Olive, your grandpa would've
been really proud of you.
- 1182. - Yeah, you were great. Mm-wah!
- You were beyond great.
- 1183. - You were incredible.
- Thank you.
- 1184. Let's get outta here.
- 1185. Whoo!
- 1186. It's in gear.
- 1187. What in the world?
- 1188. Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/gykk
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