1. The colossal Kevin O'Shea
goes back to pass.Copy !req
2. Sees his little brother Danny downfield.Copy !req
3. The rush is on. The ball is in the air.
The crowd is going wild.Copy !req
4. Danny catches the ball.
He's at the 10, the 20, the 25.Copy !req
5. It looks like he could go all the way.Copy !req
6. The O'Shea brothers
are about to win the championship.Copy !req
7. Oh, there's a fumble.
Danny got it. Hey, Kevin, wait up.Copy !req
8. How many touchdowns you gonna throw me?
I'll bet it's at least 50, maybe 100.Copy !req
9. - What time was Mom gonna pick you up?
- She's not picking me up.Copy !req
10. She said I could spend
the day with you. Isn't that great?Copy !req
11. Yeah. Great.Copy !req
12. - Okay, spaces or laces?
- Spaces!Copy !req
13. - Come on!
- Go!Copy !req
14. - Come on!
- Spaces!Copy !req
15. - Laces.
- Laces, daddy-o.Copy !req
16. - I'll take Butz.
- Yes. It's over.Copy !req
17. - Stein and Rip.
- Yes.Copy !req
18. - Pinski.
- Yes.Copy !req
19. - McCormick.
- Yeah.Copy !req
20. - Ralphy.
- Yes.Copy !req
21. - Mouse.
- Yes.Copy !req
22. - Moritti.
- Yeah.Copy !req
23. All right. Let's play some football.Copy !req
24. Hey, Danny, the ball. Give me.Copy !req
25. I must be pretty bad
if my own brother won't even pick me.Copy !req
26. - Danny, look at it my way.
- I stink and you know it.Copy !req
27. You're perfect, and I stink.
That's it. The end.Copy !req
28. No, that's not it.Copy !req
29. It's just that I'm so good
it makes you look really bad.Copy !req
30. - Are you trying to cheer me up?
- Yeah.Copy !req
31. - It's not working.
- See, I stink at something too.Copy !req
32. Give me the ball.
I'll score a couple touchdowns for you.Copy !req
33. We kick off. Stand back, baby.Copy !req
34. Hi, Danny.Copy !req
35. Hi, Patty.Copy !req
36. - Aren't you playing today?
- No, I'm on the injured list.Copy !req
37. Hey, Danny...Copy !req
38. see that water tower?Copy !req
39. One day our name's
gonna be up there in big letters.Copy !req
40. The O'Shea brothers.Copy !req
41. We're gonna own this town.
You and me, buddy.Copy !req
42. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Come on, people.
Show me something.Copy !req
43. Move it! Move it!Copy !req
44. Are you kidding, people? It's called sweat.
Show me some. Move. Move.Copy !req
45. Come on, gentlemen. Suck it up.
Suck it up!Copy !req
46. - Faster.
- Looking good, coach.Copy !req
47. - Oh, baby, now we're talking.
- Yeah.Copy !req
48. All right. Everybody, back up. Back up.
Give him room. Give him some air.Copy !req
49. Nice pop, Icebox.Copy !req
50. Thanks, Uncle Kev.Copy !req
51. - Is he dead?
- Well, he ain't moving.Copy !req
52. - You killed him, Icebox.
- Hey, Rudy, you okay?Copy !req
53. Oh, Rudy.Copy !req
54. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Are you nuts?Copy !req
55. It's still good.Copy !req
56. You'll never get anywhere treating
your helmet like a lunch box.Copy !req
57. - What is that?
- Cheetos.Copy !req
58. - Crunchy or puffed?
- Puffed.Copy !req
59. Wimp.Copy !req
60. Everyone from here over,
go with Coach Butz.Copy !req
61. Everyone from here over, come with me.Copy !req
62. - Come on!
- Let's find out who's gonna make this team.Copy !req
63. - My mom made that!
- Move it.Copy !req
64. Set. Go.Copy !req
65. Set. Go.Copy !req
66. Go.Copy !req
67. - Oh, man.
- Next time.Copy !req
68. - Fifth one he's booted.
- Hands like frying pans. Set. Go.Copy !req
69. Why are you doing this to me, fellas?Copy !req
70. I cut your nails, wash you,
put gloves on you when you're cold.Copy !req
71. Hey, Hanon, you ever
catch anything? Ever?Copy !req
72. Caught a cold yesterday, Murph.
Here, have some.Copy !req
73. Gross. Gross. Get off of me, you little dork.Copy !req
74. The distance gained
divided by the time of travel.Copy !req
75. You clowns want to play football,
you gotta move.Copy !req
76. Ready.Copy !req
77. Come on, Tad. Go, Tad. Come on. Dig.Copy !req
78. What is this, a telethon? Ready.Copy !req
79. Next.Copy !req
80. Eight point five. Excellent, Briggs.Copy !req
81. - How did I do?
- I don't know. I don't have a sundial.Copy !req
82. Back in line.Copy !req
83. Hey, Icebox...Copy !req
84. you look like a boy
and play like a boy.Copy !req
85. Do you pee standing up?Copy !req
86. No, when she's hot to trot
she's still gotta squat.Copy !req
87. - Get off. I can't breathe!
- That's the whole point.Copy !req
88. - Becky, let him go.
- I can't breathe.Copy !req
89. - Get away. Come on. Get off!
- Let him go.Copy !req
90. - Let me go.
- Please, stop.Copy !req
91. You're lucky my dad showed up.Copy !req
92. - Hi, Danny.
- Hi.Copy !req
93. - Hey, guys.
- Hi, Dan.Copy !req
94. Hey, guess what, Uncle Dan?
I got the whole headlock thing on tape.Copy !req
95. - Here, wanna see?
- No, that's okay. Thanks.Copy !req
96. - How's she doing?
- She's the best one out there.Copy !req
97. You know...Copy !req
98. today I'm reminded
of what a lucky guy I am.Copy !req
99. Lucky to have been born an O'Shea.Copy !req
100. Lucky to have been born in this great town.Copy !req
101. Lucky to have been blessed
with abilities...Copy !req
102. that allowed me to bring
something back here to Urbania...Copy !req
103. my town.Copy !req
104. - Things like:
- Three high school championships.Copy !req
105. - Three high school championships.
- A collegiate championship.Copy !req
106. - A collegiate title.
- An all-American title.Copy !req
107. - An all-American title. And not to mention...
- And not to mention a Heisman Trophy.Copy !req
108. a Heisman Trophy.Copy !req
109. Today, I'm even more lucky...Copy !req
110. because there's one more thing
I can bring back to this town:Copy !req
111. A Peewee State Championship.Copy !req
112. Yeah!Copy !req
113. All right. All right.Copy !req
114. Now, when you hear your name called...Copy !req
115. I want you to go over to Coach Butz...Copy !req
116. and pick up your jersey.Copy !req
117. - Those jerseys are so cool.
- Dibs on Montana's number.Copy !req
118. I'm getting Michael Irvin's number,
the big 8-8.Copy !req
119. I just want one of those shirts.Copy !req
120. - Briggs.
- Yeah!Copy !req
121. - Patterson.
- Yes!Copy !req
122. - Hoffs.
- Yeah.Copy !req
123. - Lewis.
- Yeah.Copy !req
124. Bookman.Copy !req
125. - Grabelski.
- Grabelski!Copy !req
126. - Rivera.
- Rivera!Copy !req
127. - Scanlon.
- Scanlon, my man.Copy !req
128. - Parkhurst.
- Yes.Copy !req
129. - Walker.
- Yeah.Copy !req
130. - Lindemann.
- Yeah.Copy !req
131. - Beauregard.
- Yeah.Copy !req
132. Gibbs.Copy !req
133. - Grieson.
- Yes!Copy !req
134. And last but not least...Copy !req
135. the backbone of this team...Copy !req
136. - Shawn Murphy.
- Yes! I knew it, Becky!Copy !req
137. Yes, thank you! I knew it!Copy !req
138. Now...Copy !req
139. for the rest of you...Copy !req
140. I'd like to say...Copy !req
141. Well, I just...Copy !req
142. I'd like to thank you for trying out.Copy !req
143. And I want you to remember,
hey, there's always next year.Copy !req
144. All right. Go.Copy !req
145. Okay.Copy !req
146. Well, I think this really sucks.Copy !req
147. I guess there's nothing we can learn
from this. Is there?Copy !req
148. Never try out for anything again.Copy !req
149. - Take her easy, coach.
- Hey, Ross.Copy !req
150. Kevin.Copy !req
151. - What the hell are you doing?
- I'm putting together a championship team.Copy !req
152. Did you see the faces of
the other kids?Copy !req
153. Football isn't about faces.
It's about speed, about talent.Copy !req
154. I picked the best.
Besides, I only got three weeks.Copy !req
155. - I can't waste my time with...
- Losers.Copy !req
156. - Butz.
- Who the hell are you, Vince Lombardi?Copy !req
157. This is peewee football.Copy !req
158. - Every kid should have a chance to play.
- Not on this team.Copy !req
159. What about Becky?
She's better than those boys.Copy !req
160. I hate to break it to you,
but Icebox is a girl.Copy !req
161. If you treat her like a girl,
she'll act like one.Copy !req
162. - Don't tell me how to raise my daughter.
- Don't tell me how to pick my squad.Copy !req
163. Way to go, Kevin.
You hurt their feelings.Copy !req
164. - Danny...
- You hurt their feelings.Copy !req
165. You and I both know
those kids can't cut it.Copy !req
166. What am I supposed to do, lie to them?
Build up their hopes?Copy !req
167. Trust me. It's better this way.Copy !req
168. You'll thank me tomorrow.Copy !req
169. I knew you'd see it my way.Copy !req
170. God bless family, friends...Copy !req
171. flowers, Nickelodeon,
all the little kitties...Copy !req
172. PEZ, Mr. Lorenzo, the school janitor...
His ears are so hairy.Copy !req
173. - He's an unfortunate man, Priscilla.
- God bless Daddy's favorite sport, football.Copy !req
174. - Amen.
- Amen, baby.Copy !req
175. - Amen.
- Dig in.Copy !req
176. I still don't understand
why you didn't pick Becky.Copy !req
177. - Yes, you do, Karen.
- It's not good enough, Kevin.Copy !req
178. She's your niece, and she's one
of the best players out there.Copy !req
179. - Yeah, and she can make boys cry.
- Honey, she's a girl.Copy !req
180. And girls can run countries...Copy !req
181. they can sit on the Supreme Court,
they can discover radium...Copy !req
182. but they can't play peewee football.Copy !req
183. - Correct.
- Oh, Kevin.Copy !req
184. All right. Maybe I went a little too far.
Maybe I've been a little...Copy !req
185. - Pigheaded? Chauvinistic, maybe.
- All right. You proved your point.Copy !req
186. I think Becky should be
involved with the team.Copy !req
187. - Really?
- Yeah, or any girl.Copy !req
188. Debbie, get your friends.
I need girls with spirit.Copy !req
189. - I need pom-poms. I need cheerleaders!
- Yes!Copy !req
190. I hate not being picked.Copy !req
191. Hey, I got an idea.Copy !req
192. Why don't we go put some
mud tires on the go-cart?Copy !req
193. - I don't want to.
- All right. Forget the tires.Copy !req
194. How about if we go camping
in the woods, huh? Make moose sounds?Copy !req
195. Forget the moose sounds.Copy !req
196. Listen, Beck...Copy !req
197. remember when Mom said that she was
gonna have to do what was best for her?Copy !req
198. Well, when she chose to leave us
she was kind of making a choice for us too.Copy !req
199. I mean, in a way, it gave us a chance
to get real close, you and me. Right?Copy !req
200. When Uncle Kevin didn't pick you
it was the same thing...Copy !req
201. because, in a way, he freed
you up for something else.Copy !req
202. Or to do something different
where you could do the picking.Copy !req
203. Dad...Copy !req
204. I just wanna play football.Copy !req
205. Hey, sweetie, if I had a football team,
I'd pick you.Copy !req
206. We never get picked for anything.Copy !req
207. - Life stinks.
- Yeah, there goes my shot at the pros.Copy !req
208. I'm gonna have to be a senator.Copy !req
209. Here's a kiss for Murphy
and one for Patterson and Briggs.Copy !req
210. Zol-fart, what kind of road kill
did your mom feed you last night?Copy !req
211. - Free-range skunk.
- This is a private establishment, gentlemen.Copy !req
212. Yeah, scram.Copy !req
213. - Please?
- I'm hurt. I'm really hurt.Copy !req
214. Yeah, we just came by to tell you guys
how incredibly sorry we are...Copy !req
215. that you didn't make the team.Copy !req
216. Not!Copy !req
217. The Icebox!Copy !req
218. - Let's get out of here.
- Go!Copy !req
219. Sure. Big shot on the go-cart.Copy !req
220. I'd give anything
to get you on the field.Copy !req
221. - Don't worry, Murph. You'll get your chance.
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
222. You and your spaz patrol
didn't make the team.Copy !req
223. Well, I got a little news flash for you.Copy !req
224. We started our own team,
and we're gonna kick your Cowboy butts.Copy !req
225. If you got a team, who's your coach?Copy !req
226. My dad.Copy !req
227. Your dad?Copy !req
228. There are few times in a man's life
when he can howl at the moon.Copy !req
229. When he gets married, when he scores
the winning touchdown in a game...Copy !req
230. and when he buys his first Chevy.
Congratulations.Copy !req
231. - Thanks, Mr. O'Shea.
- Butz.Copy !req
232. - I'm going to lunch. You wanna surprise me?
- Yeah.Copy !req
233. - Sell a car.
- Okay. Sure.Copy !req
234. We're down by six points.
It's third and goal, two seconds left.Copy !req
235. I've been hit so many times I can't see.Copy !req
236. I'm busted up. I'm bleeding.
I'm so bruised I look like a code blue.Copy !req
237. - Two seconds? Thought it was four.
- Swore it was three.Copy !req
238. Believe me. It was two seconds.
Now the crowd in the stadium is going nuts.Copy !req
239. - All eyes are on me. I know...
- Howdy, gents.Copy !req
240. Already voted, mayor.Copy !req
241. O'Shea, I got my tail in a trap.
We gotta talk.Copy !req
242. Excuse me, boys. A little peewee business.Copy !req
243. Four seconds.Copy !req
244. To hell with the time,
you don't know what year it is.Copy !req
245. No.Copy !req
246. I'm feeling kind of foolish, son.Copy !req
247. Maybe it's the tie.Copy !req
248. Never mind the tie.
Now, we got a turd in the punch bowl.Copy !req
249. What?Copy !req
250. I got Urbania in the Pop Warner
league by telling everybody...Copy !req
251. that the great Kevin O'Shea
was gonna be coaching.Copy !req
252. - Yeah?
- I just got a phone call.Copy !req
253. It seems there's two teams in this town.Copy !req
254. Who's coaching the other one?Copy !req
255. Hey, fellas. Good morning, Louise.Copy !req
256. How you doing, champ?Copy !req
257. - Dad.
- Hi.Copy !req
258. I gotta tell you something.Copy !req
259. Me and the guys, we're forming
our own football team. Love you a lot.Copy !req
260. You trying to make me
look like an idiot?Copy !req
261. Where do you come off
trying to put together a team?Copy !req
262. I mean, what makes you think
that you could coach football?Copy !req
263. - I just heard about this...
- I don't want to hear it.Copy !req
264. No, Danny. You can't coach football.
Hell, you couldn't even play.Copy !req
265. - Whose fault was that?
- It wasn't my fault.Copy !req
266. Who said life was fair?
Some of us run for touchdowns...Copy !req
267. some of us run the projector.Copy !req
268. - I ran the class projector.
- I'm sure you were a great projectionist.Copy !req
269. Danny, listen, guys like you
and kids like that...Copy !req
270. They can't help that they're no good,
but they learn things.Copy !req
271. I mean they invent things.
They win Nobel Prizes.Copy !req
272. Einstein. Could he catch?
Did anybody care? No.Copy !req
273. Danny, listen to me. Listen to me.Copy !req
274. These things that you do
with the kids, they're great.Copy !req
275. I think they're admirable.Copy !req
276. You want to start a chess club,
a little nature walk class? This is fine.Copy !req
277. So let me get this straight.Copy !req
278. It's okay with you if I do something
with the kids?Copy !req
279. Sure.Copy !req
280. - But not football.
- Exactly.Copy !req
281. I knew you'd see it my way.Copy !req
282. - No, I don't.
- Pardon me?Copy !req
283. I don't see it your way.Copy !req
284. I've really never seen it your way.
I hate your way.Copy !req
285. - Now what's gotten into you?
- I'll tell you.Copy !req
286. You've gotten into me,
and I'm sick of it.Copy !req
287. - We're forming our own team.
- League rules state: One town. One team.Copy !req
288. - You can't have two.
- Have a playoff.Copy !req
289. That's a great idea, Wilbur.
How about it, fellas?Copy !req
290. How about it?Copy !req
291. Two Saturdays from today,
meet me at half-court.Copy !req
292. It's the 50-yard line, Dad.Copy !req
293. Danny...Copy !req
294. you don't stand a chance.Copy !req
295. We just want to play.Copy !req
296. Yeah!Copy !req
297. Where are we gonna find
anybody for the team?Copy !req
298. Someone who's good,
not at basketball, but like...Copy !req
299. Are you guys kidding me?Copy !req
300. Nothing but glass.Copy !req
301. You want to play football?Copy !req
302. Mr. O'Shea, I have an aversion
to pain and suffering.Copy !req
303. Nubie, I'm not talking
about setting foot on the field.Copy !req
304. I need somebody to help me coach,
you know, to come up with some plays.Copy !req
305. What kind of plays?Copy !req
306. Creative plays.Copy !req
307. Anything goes?Copy !req
308. Use your imagination.Copy !req
309. I'm in.Copy !req
310. - You ever played football?
- No.Copy !req
311. - Do you like football?
- No.Copy !req
312. - You want to play football?
- No.Copy !req
313. Great. You can be on our team.Copy !req
314. Yes, that's right, flight 45.Copy !req
315. - Dad.
- I'll see you Tuesday, son.Copy !req
316. Yeah, the flight
gets in at 9:00. Don't worry.Copy !req
317. What about him?Copy !req
318. Hey.Copy !req
319. Merry Christmas, everybody.Copy !req
320. Look at this.Copy !req
321. There's more stuff over here.
Give me a hand.Copy !req
322. Careful with this.
Some of these are antiques.Copy !req
323. Timmy, I'm not sure,
but I don't think that goes there.Copy !req
324. Guys, a lot of this
equipment has been used before.Copy !req
325. It's a mom!Copy !req
326. Excuse me, coach? Hi, Mr. O'Shea.
I'm Cheryl Berman.Copy !req
327. I'm sorry Jake's late,
but I took him to see Dr. Harding.Copy !req
328. He sneezed three times this morning
and had me worried.Copy !req
329. You can't be too cautious.Copy !req
330. We never thought we'd have children,
not after 13 years. It was me.Copy !req
331. When I got pregnant
the doctor ordered me to bed.Copy !req
332. I spent nine miserable months
on my back.Copy !req
333. If I'd rolled over, I could've lost him.
And the birth, God only knows the pain.Copy !req
334. He weighed only 1 pound, 11 ounces.
He spent six weeks in an incubator.Copy !req
335. And I think football
is just the medicine for him.Copy !req
336. My shrink told her
I gotta get out more.Copy !req
337. - I think he's gonna be fine.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
338. Cool.Copy !req
339. Thanks. I needed that.Copy !req
340. Let's kick some butt.Copy !req
341. - I don't know but I've been told
- Butz's butt is green with moldCopy !req
342. - You say thank you, I say please
- Kevin sits down when he peesCopy !req
343. Looking good. Real good.Copy !req
344. All right. Let's stretch it out. Come on.Copy !req
345. He throws. It's up.Copy !req
346. Yeah! Touchdown!Copy !req
347. - What a throw.
- What a find.Copy !req
348. What a hunk. Wait a minute.Copy !req
349. What am I saying?Copy !req
350. I'm the Icebox.Copy !req
351. The Icebox doesn't like boys...Copy !req
352. except for that one.Copy !req
353. Hey, buddy, catch this.Copy !req
354. - He caught it.
- Good catch.Copy !req
355. Nice arm.Copy !req
356. - Junior Floyd.
- I'm Hanon.Copy !req
357. - Zolteck.
- What's up?Copy !req
358. - I'm Tad.
- Cool.Copy !req
359. - You wanna play some football?
- Yeah, let's see that arm again.Copy !req
360. Where is he?Copy !req
361. Hey, you.Copy !req
362. Hi.Copy !req
363. Dad, don't tell jokes. You can't tell jokes.
You never could tell jokes.Copy !req
364. I'm gonna ask his mother
if he can play football.Copy !req
365. I can't go in there.
I'd look like a geek.Copy !req
366. This doesn't sound like you.
You got a crush on this guy?Copy !req
367. I'm the Icebox.
I don't get crushes.Copy !req
368. Oh, my God. There he is.Copy !req
369. - He is so cute.
- Relax.Copy !req
370. - You didn't tell me his mother's Patty Floyd.
- So?Copy !req
371. I knew her when I was a kid.
I had a thing...Copy !req
372. - Would you get a grip?
- Me? You get a grip.Copy !req
373. - One of us has gotta knock on that door.
- You.Copy !req
374. - We need a quarterback. Do it.
- No, you do it.Copy !req
375. Hey. You traitor!Copy !req
376. Hi. Can I?Copy !req
377. - Danny?
- Hi.Copy !req
378. - Danny O'Shea, how are you?
- Fine. Really good.Copy !req
379. - Well, come on in.
- Sure.Copy !req
380. Ready.Copy !req
381. Go.Copy !req
382. - Man, what an arm.
- Ready. Go.Copy !req
383. Hanon, nice try. All right, guys.
Let's give it another shot.Copy !req
384. Use your hands.Copy !req
385. Ready. Go!Copy !req
386. Oh, good catch, guys. Good catch!Copy !req
387. My mom says the pads you gave me
weren't enough.Copy !req
388. Push him.Copy !req
389. Hey, this is great. Keep it up.Copy !req
390. I don't feel a...Copy !req
391. - Jake?
- Jake?Copy !req
392. - He will never do it.
- They've done it already.Copy !req
393. - Make your bet.
- Make your bet.Copy !req
394. If these boys don't win,
I sweep the shop for three weeks.Copy !req
395. It's gonna be a landslide,
and I'll say it again.Copy !req
396. - if they don't win, I'll sweep it for a month.
- Good.Copy !req
397. - You got witnesses. Understand?
- Remember this.Copy !req
398. Stand like this. Come on in.Copy !req
399. It's a huddle. Huddle, Latin for round.
Turn around. There you go.Copy !req
400. Communication is the key.
I signal the quarterback with the play.Copy !req
401. He relates it to you in the huddle. Then,
we try it on the field. Okay, let's do it.Copy !req
402. Okay, guys. It's a curl
out to the fullback on two.Copy !req
403. Hey, wait a second.
How come we never call a play for me?Copy !req
404. - You're a tackle, dip-head.
- Hey!Copy !req
405. Nobody calls me a dip-head
except my sister.Copy !req
406. Hey, guys. Guys. Guys, wait!Copy !req
407. Guys, I'll run the ball.Copy !req
408. You always run the ball.
Why can't I run the ball?Copy !req
409. Because you're slow
and no one likes you.Copy !req
410. - Says who?
- Everybody says.Copy !req
411. - I call the play.
- You suck!Copy !req
412. I want to run the ball.Copy !req
413. - You can't go to my birthday party.
- So what?Copy !req
414. Okay, guys. That was good
for a first time. Let's try it again.Copy !req
415. Ready. Go!Copy !req
416. Nice pass. Nice catch.Copy !req
417. Junior.Copy !req
418. Ready. Go!Copy !req
419. - Yeah!
- Yes!Copy !req
420. All right!Copy !req
421. Very nice. Okay, from now on, we'll play
with this. Put this in the bathroom.Copy !req
422. - Good job, Icebox.
- Thanks.Copy !req
423. Anytime.Copy !req
424. - I'll get the quarterback.
- Hut one. Hut two.Copy !req
425. Got you!Copy !req
426. Okay, Icebox. You can get off me.Copy !req
427. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
428. Gentlemen, that is your opponent.
You must defeat her at all costs.Copy !req
429. Patterson, Becky is all they've got.Copy !req
430. She's strong.
I want you to hit her low and hard.Copy !req
431. Get in your position.Copy !req
432. Head up, butt down. Stick and drive.Copy !req
433. Set. Go!Copy !req
434. Oh, son. Son, it's a couch cushion.
It's a couch cushion, son!Copy !req
435. I want you to wrap your arms
and drive through it.Copy !req
436. - Stand back. Let the master do this.
- Let's go, coach!Copy !req
437. - Priscilla, I want you to shoot this.
- Go for it, Daddy.Copy !req
438. Briggs, count it off.Copy !req
439. Ready.Copy !req
440. Set. Go!Copy !req
441. Kevin!Copy !req
442. Oh, doctor!Copy !req
443. Coach!Copy !req
444. Daddy!Copy !req
445. If there's gonna be pee wee football
in Urbania, everybody's gonna play.Copy !req
446. Big round of applause for the Little Giants.Copy !req
447. She's buff. She's bad.Copy !req
448. She's Becky "The Icebox" O'Shea.Copy !req
449. All right. Let's give it up
for "Rad" Tad Simpson.Copy !req
450. Rudy Zolteck,
your neighborhood-friendly gasman.Copy !req
451. Gasman? I don't get it.Copy !req
452. Think about it.Copy !req
453. Here's Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon!Copy !req
454. Say hello to
Timmy "I Wanna Score" Moore.Copy !req
455. - Thanks for coming.
- That was great.Copy !req
456. - I want a copy of that.
- You got it.Copy !req
457. Johnny, I thought I was gonna
meet your dad tonight.Copy !req
458. He's got business and stuff.
See you, coach.Copy !req
459. - I'll see you.
- Bye.Copy !req
460. Well, the dip sucked.Copy !req
461. But bottom line, you're okay,
Coach O'Shea.Copy !req
462. Thanks, Junior.Copy !req
463. Do you have time to get me
your brother's autograph?Copy !req
464. Oh, let's go.Copy !req
465. - This was such a blast.
- It was nothing.Copy !req
466. No, you're doing an amazing job
with those kids.Copy !req
467. All that time I knew you, I had no idea
that you would be like this.Copy !req
468. - Well, I was 11.
- Yeah.Copy !req
469. I guess I've changed.Copy !req
470. Yeah, I guess you're right.Copy !req
471. Have I changed?Copy !req
472. Well, you're taller,
and you have your driver's license.Copy !req
473. And to be honest with you,
your face is exactly as I remember it.Copy !req
474. Come on, Mom.Copy !req
475. Good night, Danny.Copy !req
476. See you, coach.Copy !req
477. Good night, you guys. Sleep tightly.Copy !req
478. Tightly?Copy !req
479. Dumb.Copy !req
480. Okay, let's clean it up.Copy !req
481. There he goes.Copy !req
482. I love this. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
483. Hey, Karen, how many times you gonna
watch this? It's making me nauseous.Copy !req
484. You kill me.Copy !req
485. No, Mom. Mom, let's calm down.
Let's calm down.Copy !req
486. You know, I was only trying to make
a point that Becky's all they got...Copy !req
487. and to win, we've gotta neutralize her.Copy !req
488. Wait, wait, wait. What about Junior?Copy !req
489. Who?Copy !req
490. Hut one! Hut two! Hut three!Copy !req
491. Look at the cannon on that kid.Copy !req
492. He's playing for the wrong team.Copy !req
493. Hut one! Hut two! Hut three!Copy !req
494. - Yeah!
- That's the way. All right. Come on back.Copy !req
495. That's good, Johnny. Keep your head up.Copy !req
496. Spies.Copy !req
497. - Where?
- In the weeds.Copy !req
498. Somebody's a little scared, huh?Copy !req
499. Okay. Take a little break. Then, we'll
start running the super-secret play.Copy !req
500. I'm just gonna get the diagram.Copy !req
501. Coach, they're gonna do
the super-secret play.Copy !req
502. State police? Oh, thank God.
This is Thelma May Rogers.Copy !req
503. I'm 86. I live in Urbania.Copy !req
504. There are two men down the bridge
from the Shell station...Copy !req
505. in the bushes spying on some kids.Copy !req
506. We're all so upset.Copy !req
507. I don't think men their age should be
parading around in their underwear.Copy !req
508. Please, hurry.Copy !req
509. - Nice going.
- Yeah.Copy !req
510. This is incredible.
They got the guards in the backfield.Copy !req
511. They... They got the center
to the right, and...Copy !req
512. And the quarterback isn't even there.Copy !req
513. They're standing around, Butz.Copy !req
514. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
515. Freeze!Copy !req
516. - I'm on a roll, huh?
- Your sandwich, dangerous one.Copy !req
517. Last night, I go out the window.
Today, I'm arrested...Copy !req
518. handcuffed, humiliated. My own brother!Copy !req
519. lmagine how I feel married
to a peeping Tom.Copy !req
520. That was a brilliant move...Copy !req
521. calling the state cops
instead of the local cops.Copy !req
522. I didn't think Danny had it in him.
I will get him back.Copy !req
523. This could've been avoided
if you'd just formed one team.Copy !req
524. Don't you understand that the people
of this town expect me to win?Copy !req
525. - Nobody buys a Chevy from a loser!
- Honey, this is peewee football. Remember?Copy !req
526. - It's supposed to be fun.
- It's not fun anymore.Copy !req
527. See, all the fun is gone now.
See, now it's war.Copy !req
528. Come on. Let's go. Keep moving.Copy !req
529. Come on. Make that cut.Copy !req
530. Come on. Come on. Protect the ball.
Good. Good.Copy !req
531. Lift them. Lift those legs. Thattaboy.Copy !req
532. Drive, drive, drive!Copy !req
533. Come on. Unload on this thing!Copy !req
534. Very nice. Looking good. Looking good.Copy !req
535. Hit. Hit. Hit. Hit. Hit.Copy !req
536. That's right, guys. Make them pop.Copy !req
537. Yes!Copy !req
538. You'll have to put the top up
if you want us to wash it.Copy !req
539. I didn't come for a car wash.Copy !req
540. You're wasting our time with this team.
We should concentrate on Sutterville.Copy !req
541. Jeez, Dan, you don't even belong
on the same field as your brother.Copy !req
542. One dollar for the wash, Butz.Copy !req
543. You'll just embarrass yourself
with them dirt-balls.Copy !req
544. Hell, if I was a mama hen
and they was my chicks...Copy !req
545. I'd lead them to water
and let them drown.Copy !req
546. Harold, you're the tenth car
that's come in here today.Copy !req
547. You're entitled to a free wash.Copy !req
548. Okay, guys. Wash it.Copy !req
549. Hey, Junior.Copy !req
550. Truce.Copy !req
551. No!Copy !req
552. Hey, Dan, we're next.Copy !req
553. - Hey, Uncle Dan.
- Hi, Deb.Copy !req
554. - Hi, Junior.
- Hey.Copy !req
555. Hey, Becky, check it out. My mom
got us new uniforms for the game.Copy !req
556. - Cool.
- I am so jealous of you...Copy !req
557. being in the huddle with Junior Floyd!
Even 12-year-old girls think he's a fox.Copy !req
558. - Yeah, well, I really don't notice.
- Well, see you.Copy !req
559. Yeah.Copy !req
560. Hey. Hi, Junior.Copy !req
561. What's up?Copy !req
562. I wanted to let you know
I'm gonna be at the game Saturday.Copy !req
563. Hey, Icebox, maybe you
should become a cheerleader.Copy !req
564. Bubbles and stuff.Copy !req
565. Junior!Copy !req
566. Hey, don't!Copy !req
567. There you go.Copy !req
568. Give me a J
Give me a UCopy !req
569. - Give me an N
- Becky!Copy !req
570. Hey, I got an idea
for a whole new defense.Copy !req
571. I read about a monster-back thing where
you run around causing destruction.Copy !req
572. Are you wearing lipstick?Copy !req
573. No. It's a cherry Tootsie Pop.Copy !req
574. O'Shea Chevrolet.Copy !req
575. I got a hot tip for you, Mr. Heisman.Copy !req
576. Butz!Copy !req
577. - Go ahead, Orville. I'm listening.
- There's a new family in town.Copy !req
578. They got a tough 10-year-old.
He's a monster.Copy !req
579. Now I'm talking real big.Copy !req
580. Oh, yeah? How big?Copy !req
581. Put it this way.Copy !req
582. If he was a trout,
you wouldn't throw him back.Copy !req
583. - Thanks a lot, buddy. I owe you one.
- Thanks.Copy !req
584. - Hi, big Jim.
- Hey there, Kevin.Copy !req
585. Hey, Kev. Where you going?Copy !req
586. Just out for a little spin, Danny.Copy !req
587. What's with the go-cart?Copy !req
588. Becky asked me to check the compression.Copy !req
589. - You following me?
- No.Copy !req
590. You following me?Copy !req
591. No.Copy !req
592. - Are you lying to me?
- No.Copy !req
593. He's mine, Danny! Damn it!Copy !req
594. Here they come! Danny's in the go-cart.Copy !req
595. This whole town may love you...Copy !req
596. but I'm the only one
who knows how sick you are.Copy !req
597. - I treated you like a prince.
- You ignored me!Copy !req
598. - I took you to see the Cleveland Indians.
- You left me at the stadium.Copy !req
599. Damn it!Copy !req
600. Excuse me.Copy !req
601. Are you...?Copy !req
602. Hey, don't tell me. You're Coach O'Shea.Copy !req
603. Yeah, I'm Coach O'Shea.Copy !req
604. You're Coach O'Shea! Who am I?
Look at this.Copy !req
605. Who am I?Copy !req
606. Oh, you're remembering
my old playing days.Copy !req
607. Remembering them? I treasure them.Copy !req
608. You're the reason we moved to this town,
you and that football league.Copy !req
609. You... You look kind of small
for a football star.Copy !req
610. That's what they all thought.Copy !req
611. Yeah.Copy !req
612. - So where is your?
- His name's Spike.Copy !req
613. He's right here.Copy !req
614. Hang on a second. Spike!Copy !req
615. Come on down here.Copy !req
616. I want you to meet Coach O'Shea.Copy !req
617. Look at the boy.
He was bred for football glory.Copy !req
618. The first skin he touched was a pigskin.Copy !req
619. Pushing a football across the floor
with his head at four months old.Copy !req
620. Did his first pull-up when he was
18 months. Give me 10!Copy !req
621. Runs a 40 in 6.5 flat.
Bench-presses twice his own weight.Copy !req
622. Won the 8-year-old division of the pass,
punt, run when he was 5 years old.Copy !req
623. O'Shea, I've been cultivating him,
grooming him.Copy !req
624. Every night, before he goes to bed...Copy !req
625. I massage his hamstrings
with evaporated milk. Yeah.Copy !req
626. He's quite a boy.Copy !req
627. Play to die!Copy !req
628. Knees high! Knees high!Copy !req
629. Guys, I got great news.Copy !req
630. We got a new player.Copy !req
631. Mama!Copy !req
632. - Who's that?
- Looks like a side of beef.Copy !req
633. Or a genetics experiment
gone terribly wrong.Copy !req
634. - Where's his socks?
- Where's his neck?Copy !req
635. He's bigger than my dad.Copy !req
636. Spike's in hell.
Spike's in peewee hell.Copy !req
637. Guys, Spike's our new tailback.Copy !req
638. Now we can run the annexation
of Puerto Rico.Copy !req
639. - What's that?
- I don't know if we're ready for that.Copy !req
640. - What formation do you like to run out of?
- Power-I. Now, who's Spike's lead blocker?Copy !req
641. The Icebox.Copy !req
642. - Where's he at?
- Right here.Copy !req
643. Is Spike mistaken? Aren't you a girl?Copy !req
644. Gee, good eye.Copy !req
645. - Spike don't play with girls.
- She's pretty good, Spike.Copy !req
646. Spike don't care. Didn't you hear?Copy !req
647. Spike don't play with...Copy !req
648. I can tackle anything, anytime, anywhere.
Got that?Copy !req
649. Look, you berserk-o Barbie doll,
when you mess with Spike...Copy !req
650. - you mess with death.
- Can you walk the walk?Copy !req
651. - Try me!
- I will!Copy !req
652. - Let's go!
- Right now!Copy !req
653. Somebody call 911!Copy !req
654. All right. Okay. Okay. Hold it.Copy !req
655. Becky, wanna get that car for me, please?Copy !req
656. Why me? So you can play with this ape?Copy !req
657. Can I have a little word with you, please?Copy !req
658. Your leg's bigger than my body.Copy !req
659. With this guy, we got an actual shot
at winning this.Copy !req
660. Give me a minute to get him used
to the idea of playing with a girl.Copy !req
661. You don't think I can take him, do you?Copy !req
662. This is a bunch of crap.Copy !req
663. - Shirley.
- Hi, Kevin.Copy !req
664. Icebox not hungry?Copy !req
665. Alert the media.Copy !req
666. - How you doing, hotshot?
- Hey, Louise. Thank you, dear.Copy !req
667. Good shot.Copy !req
668. - You still mad at me for not picking you?
- No.Copy !req
669. - I guess you got your own team now.
- It's not my team.Copy !req
670. It's Spike's team.Copy !req
671. Dad's got a big crush on him.Copy !req
672. Don't be so hard on the old man.Copy !req
673. It can't be easy on him
having me as a brother...Copy !req
674. or you as a daughter.Copy !req
675. Very funny.Copy !req
676. People like you and me, we're stubborn.Copy !req
677. If we don't get our own way, watch out.Copy !req
678. When you played football
you wanted to kill your coach too?Copy !req
679. Hey, you can't fault the guy
for trying to win.Copy !req
680. He doesn't wanna win.Copy !req
681. He wants to prove he's not scared of you.Copy !req
682. What do you want?Copy !req
683. I thought I wanted to play,
but now there's all this other stuff.Copy !req
684. What other stuff?Copy !req
685. Not football stuff.Copy !req
686. Debbie likes Junior, doesn't she?Copy !req
687. Does Veronica like Archie?Copy !req
688. She's gonna get him. I know it.Copy !req
689. You know, she'd probably kill me
if she knew I told you this...Copy !req
690. but you wanna find a boy,
you gotta figure out how boys think.Copy !req
691. And if this boy's a quarterback,
he's probably gonna want some cute girl...Copy !req
692. not some teammate.Copy !req
693. But I don't know about being a cute girl.Copy !req
694. I'm good at sports.Copy !req
695. Of course you are. You're an O'Shea.Copy !req
696. But listen to me.
You got a lot more to offer than football.Copy !req
697. - A lot more.
- You think so?Copy !req
698. I know so.Copy !req
699. Hey, Uncle Kevin.Copy !req
700. Do you think I'm pretty?Copy !req
701. No.Copy !req
702. I think you're beautiful.Copy !req
703. Okay, guys. Let's make
this power-I formation work.Copy !req
704. - Ready!
- Break!Copy !req
705. Ready. Set.Copy !req
706. Hut one. Hut two!Copy !req
707. You call this a team?Copy !req
708. Hey, pretty boy,
when you hand off to Spike...Copy !req
709. put it here. Boom!Copy !req
710. And you, fat lineman!Copy !req
711. You rang?Copy !req
712. Get your jellyrolls out of Spike's way...Copy !req
713. unless you want cleat marks
up your fat back.Copy !req
714. Spike!Copy !req
715. Come get in the car, son.Copy !req
716. What's going on?Copy !req
717. Oh, no.Copy !req
718. You're a Cowboy now.Copy !req
719. Thank you, football god.Copy !req
720. Where's he going?Copy !req
721. So you're a Heisman Trophy winner?Copy !req
722. I said I was Coach O'Shea, not Kevin.Copy !req
723. You must think you're pretty slick, huh?Copy !req
724. I can't wait till tomorrow.Copy !req
725. One more day, baby!Copy !req
726. One more day.Copy !req
727. - Great. Now the other guys have Spike.
- We got nothing.Copy !req
728. - We got us.
- Yeah, we stink!Copy !req
729. - Because you can't catch.
- At least he can walk.Copy !req
730. - Hey, Zolteck, have another Pop-Tart.
- Or can't you open your mouth wide enough?Copy !req
731. - Come on, that's enough.
- Yeah, coach is right. Break it up.Copy !req
732. Shut up, Junior. You're so good
it makes us sick.Copy !req
733. Hey, you don't want me to play?
No problemo. I'm out of here.Copy !req
734. If it wasn't for him,
we wouldn't even have a team.Copy !req
735. If it wasn't for him, maybe you'd stop
drooling and play a little more football.Copy !req
736. Yeah, he's right!Copy !req
737. Why can't we all play together?Copy !req
738. Oh, shut up, dipstick! You're probably
the main reason Spike quit.Copy !req
739. Yeah, quit bawling, you big baby.Copy !req
740. I can cry if I want. It's a free country.
I can even do this.Copy !req
741. Nice kick!Copy !req
742. Hey, guys, practice isn't over yet.Copy !req
743. Who cares?Copy !req
744. What's the use? I am a dipstick.
I'll never get to play.Copy !req
745. Hey, kid, you got a second?Copy !req
746. We have to get to a banquet in Canton,
where the Hall of Fame is.Copy !req
747. And we took a wrong turn somewhere.
Look, we started out here on I-7 east.Copy !req
748. We're coming across here.
We went up 104.Copy !req
749. We took the 49. Then we were gonna take
shortcuts. We go 10, 12, 48. Hut.Copy !req
750. And we have to hit Canton,
and we have to hit it hard.Copy !req
751. And I don't know where we are!Copy !req
752. Guys?Copy !req
753. Now what?Copy !req
754. Let's play some ball.Copy !req
755. - Steve Emtman.
- Emmitt Smith.Copy !req
756. Tim Brown.Copy !req
757. - Bruce Smith.
- Emmitt Smith.Copy !req
758. Take a shot. Just block me.Copy !req
759. Come on. You can do it.Copy !req
760. - No way.
- Don't be scared.Copy !req
761. Run through me. Run through me.
Come on.Copy !req
762. Get the fear out of your eyes!
Let's go! Come on!Copy !req
763. Yeah!Copy !req
764. All right. All right now. Good job.Copy !req
765. Just remember, football's 80%% mental,
40%% physical.Copy !req
766. - Right.
- Right.Copy !req
767. What?Copy !req
768. I wasn't always the biggest.
I wasn't always the fastest.Copy !req
769. I wasn't always the smartest.
But I believed within myself...Copy !req
770. that I was a giant.Copy !req
771. He pivots, fakes, chucks the big bomb
halfway down the field...Copy !req
772. to our, hopefully,
still wide-open tailback.Copy !req
773. I call it the annexation of Puerto Rico.Copy !req
774. - Not bad.
- Really?Copy !req
775. I kind of stole it from you.Copy !req
776. Raiders-Vikings, Super Bowl XI.Copy !req
777. Hey, you are a genius.Copy !req
778. Thanks. Problem is we don't have
a tailback.Copy !req
779. Listen, what if you tried this?Copy !req
780. You know what this is called?Copy !req
781. Intimidation.Copy !req
782. Cool.Copy !req
783. Now, tomorrow,
when you go to the game...Copy !req
784. you don't want to be intimidated.
So let me see your game faces.Copy !req
785. No, no. You can do better than that.Copy !req
786. Let me see your game faces.Copy !req
787. Try this.Copy !req
788. You're getting it.Copy !req
789. That's it, guys. Now come and get me.Copy !req
790. - Mind if I ask you something?
- Yeah.Copy !req
791. I got kind of a big game coming up.
You got any advice?Copy !req
792. - Good luck.
- What, that's it?Copy !req
793. - Later.
- See you, Steve. Bye, Emmitt.Copy !req
794. - Have a good trip.
- Thanks.Copy !req
795. There's no big secret to winning football.
It's doing what these guys do every game.Copy !req
796. Just go out and give it your best.Copy !req
797. Bottom line, I took a team
to a Super Bowl, and we won.Copy !req
798. I even had some guys on that team
that nobody wanted.Copy !req
799. But we were a team,
and that's what you guys are.Copy !req
800. You're a football team. That's like
a family, except you get to hit each other.Copy !req
801. But you have to stick together.
Do that, and you'll be fine.Copy !req
802. Thanks, Mr. Madden.Copy !req
803. - Thanks, Mr. Madden.
- See you!Copy !req
804. Let me tell you people something.Copy !req
805. This ain't just a football.Copy !req
806. This is your hopes, your dreams,
your ambitions, your soul in a roll.Copy !req
807. It's your life.Copy !req
808. Tomorrow on that field,
it's do or die. Win or cry!Copy !req
809. Go, baby! Go!Copy !req
810. Men, tonight when you go home,
I want you to brush your little teeth.Copy !req
811. I want you to wash your little faces.Copy !req
812. And I want you to dream
of football glory...Copy !req
813. because tomorrow, we're gonna crush
the Little Giants into smithereens.Copy !req
814. - What do you say, men?
- Yeah!Copy !req
815. Yeah!Copy !req
816. - Guess who.
- Who?Copy !req
817. - Me.
- Hey, Junior.Copy !req
818. Hey, that's disgusting. It looks like they're
trying to swallow each other's heads.Copy !req
819. They're doing it all wrong.Copy !req
820. You have to move your head dramatic, like
Kevin Costner in Robin Hood. Like this.Copy !req
821. No. In movies, they do that
chicken-pecking, mouth half-open thing.Copy !req
822. Like this. "Hey, baby."Copy !req
823. No.Copy !req
824. Check this out. My cousin told me that
her and her boyfriend use their tongues.Copy !req
825. - That's disgusting.
- I know. Spit swappers.Copy !req
826. - Yeah, kind of like them.
- Tonsil hockey.Copy !req
827. You know the only problem
with kissing your own hand is?Copy !req
828. What?Copy !req
829. - It doesn't kiss back.
- You wanna learn how to kiss?Copy !req
830. - I didn't say that. Do you?
- No. I just got that vomit taste.Copy !req
831. Hey, we'll have to learn
how sooner or later...Copy !req
832. I mean, if you wanna have kids
and get a job.Copy !req
833. - You can have kids without kissing.
- You can't get a job.Copy !req
834. Well, I'll become a teacher.Copy !req
835. But what if you were forced to?
Wouldn't it be good to learn with a friend?Copy !req
836. You know, for scientific purposes.Copy !req
837. No way! If I had to learn how to kiss,
and I mean absolutely, positively...Copy !req
838. no way out of it, no matter what, can't
get out of it, I had to learn how to kiss...Copy !req
839. Well then, I think I'd want
to learn with...Copy !req
840. Let me guess.Copy !req
841. - Debbie.
- I don't know.Copy !req
842. But if not her, definitely another
cheerleader-type, right?Copy !req
843. Maybe. I don't know.Copy !req
844. Look, this is really weird.Copy !req
845. Hey, Junior.Copy !req
846. If I was like a cheerleader,
you'd wanna learn with me.Copy !req
847. But you're not. You're different.Copy !req
848. You're cool. You're the Icebox.Copy !req
849. Come on, you're probably the only girl
I've met that can beat up my dad.Copy !req
850. Anyways, I'll see you later.Copy !req
851. - Hey.
- Hey, Uncle Kev.Copy !req
852. Is Aunt Karen home?Copy !req
853. Come on in, buddy.Copy !req
854. Oh, no, you don't. You can't.Copy !req
855. This team has come too far
to be shot down on a lousy call.Copy !req
856. Watch the grabbing, zebra.
They're giving him the business.Copy !req
857. What? You're throwing me out?
I'll throw you out.Copy !req
858. I'll throw your mother out.Copy !req
859. - Hi, Dad.
- Hey.Copy !req
860. - Bye, Dad.
- Hang on. What do you got, a victory cake?Copy !req
861. - Half that team's allergic to chocolate.
- It's not a cake.Copy !req
862. You can't sneak away
without telling me what it is.Copy !req
863. It's nothing.Copy !req
864. Okay. If my little fullback
wants to surprise me...Copy !req
865. that's all right with me.Copy !req
866. Little fullback?Copy !req
867. Your little fullback?Copy !req
868. That's all I am to you, isn't it?
Your little fullback.Copy !req
869. Your ticket to beating Kevin
and winning the game.Copy !req
870. Becky, what's wrong?Copy !req
871. What's wrong? Everything's wrong.Copy !req
872. Do you know what Mom used to call me?
Her little princess.Copy !req
873. When she tucked me in she'd go,
"Good night, little princess."Copy !req
874. Then she'd kiss me on my cheeks.Copy !req
875. Then she'd pull the covers all around me.Copy !req
876. And you remember that?Copy !req
877. Yeah.Copy !req
878. She wouldn't let me play football.Copy !req
879. She wouldn't call me
her little fullback either.Copy !req
880. Becky, look, Mom's not here anymore.
She left us.Copy !req
881. - She quit.
- No!Copy !req
882. She didn't quit. She just found
a better team.Copy !req
883. I'm not playing tomorrow.Copy !req
884. This was your idea. This game was the
most important thing in the world to you.Copy !req
885. No, Dad, this game means everything
in the world to you.Copy !req
886. Come on, Dad. Throw it in here.Copy !req
887. Come on, fellas. Tomorrow's the big one.
Don't let me down.Copy !req
888. You want intimidation?
I'll show you intimidation.Copy !req
889. I'll be back in a few days.Copy !req
890. Be good.Copy !req
891. - You get a good night's sleep.
- Don't think about football.Copy !req
892. I won't, Daddy.Copy !req
893. Three.Copy !req
894. Four.Copy !req
895. Five.Copy !req
896. Six.Copy !req
897. Seven. Eight.Copy !req
898. I want to pump you up.Copy !req
899. Good night, Urbania. And a special
good luck to all tomorrow's players.Copy !req
900. Well, hello again, everybody.Copy !req
901. This is Cliff Parson,
your play-by-play announcer.Copy !req
902. What a day it is.
We're at Kevin O'Shea Stadium...Copy !req
903. located in pastoral Urbania, Ohio...Copy !req
904. scene of what's become known
as "Mania in Urbania."Copy !req
905. Yeah, let's go.Copy !req
906. Now shake it up.Copy !req
907. Guys, quiet down! Hold it.Copy !req
908. Father Kelly is kind enough
to say a prayer for our victory today.Copy !req
909. Yeah!Copy !req
910. Pipe down!Copy !req
911. All right. Quiet down for chrissake!Copy !req
912. Hey, shut up!Copy !req
913. Go ahead, Father.Copy !req
914. As we are about to embark on this journey
of athletic competition...Copy !req
915. we pause to reflect.
It is not whether you win or lose...Copy !req
916. Giants! Giants! Giants!Copy !req
917. What the hell?Copy !req
918. Giants! Giants! Giants! Giants!Copy !req
919. Giants! Giants! Giants! Giants!Copy !req
920. Let's kill them! Come on!Copy !req
921. They don't respect you!Copy !req
922. Hey, Briggs, you big snot-ball,
I'll eat you for lunch!Copy !req
923. All right. All right. All right. Guys, cool it.Copy !req
924. One sec, coach. Paging Spike the putz!Copy !req
925. Hey, hey! Hang on, son.
What's the matter?Copy !req
926. That's right, Spike!
Icebox is gonna defrost you!Copy !req
927. You're getting fired up?Copy !req
928. Yeah, there you go, son.Copy !req
929. Save that rage!
Uncork it on the first person you hit.Copy !req
930. All right. All right. All right.
Enough of that.Copy !req
931. - Relax, coach.
- We're unstoppable!Copy !req
932. Yeah!Copy !req
933. Hi, guys.Copy !req
934. Becky?Copy !req
935. Look, I just came by to wish you
good luck and have a great game.Copy !req
936. I'll be rooting for you.Copy !req
937. All right. Everything's gonna be okay.Copy !req
938. - Let's talk strategy, guys.
- Strategy?Copy !req
939. Without Becky, we're gonna be
Cream of Wheat.Copy !req
940. Without Icebox, Spike's gonna rip off
my face and wear it on Halloween.Copy !req
941. I'm leaving the country.
I'm going to New Mexico.Copy !req
942. Guys, wait. I got something to show you.Copy !req
943. - What?
- What is it?Copy !req
944. Death shrouds.Copy !req
945. Your name's on the back.Copy !req
946. So the guys at the morgue
can identify the bodies.Copy !req
947. Hold up! Gentlemen...Copy !req
948. this ain't just a football.Copy !req
949. It's our lives!Copy !req
950. Show them what we have!Copy !req
951. Here come the Cowboys!Copy !req
952. Let's go, guys. Come on.Copy !req
953. Okay? Here we go. All right!Copy !req
954. Okay. Remember, guys,
this is just a football...Copy !req
955. just air and pig intestines.Copy !req
956. All right. Come on.
Let's get out there.Copy !req
957. I can't see with this thing on!Copy !req
958. Is this on? Is this...?Copy !req
959. Great to see you, folks.
Welcome to the park.Copy !req
960. Today, Kevin's peewee Cowboys
are gonna test their mini-muscles...Copy !req
961. against Danny's Little Giants.Copy !req
962. Little Giants, nice touch.Copy !req
963. - I thought you'd like that.
- Guys.Copy !req
964. Kevin, you call it.Copy !req
965. - Heads.
- Excuse me. How come he gets to call it?Copy !req
966. What's the difference?
You kick off, we ram it down your throat.Copy !req
967. We kick off, take it from you,
then ram it down your throat.Copy !req
968. You've been bossing me around
since we were kids. Stop it.Copy !req
969. You don't ask for things. You take them.Copy !req
970. Like you took my ticket
to that World Series?Copy !req
971. Guys, cut it out. You're brothers.Copy !req
972. - Not by choice.
- I don't have to take that...Copy !req
973. from a guy who sunk
his last dime into a broken gas station.Copy !req
974. It's been servicing this community
for over 40 years.Copy !req
975. - It's a landmark.
- Ought to be a landfill.Copy !req
976. You don't know anything
about loyalty or heart.Copy !req
977. I would put that gas station
up against any business in this town.Copy !req
978. - You sure?
- Yes, I am.Copy !req
979. - Okay, fine.
- Okay, fine.Copy !req
980. What are we talking about?Copy !req
981. My car dealership against your gas station,
winner of this game takes it all.Copy !req
982. - You're on.
- Fine.Copy !req
983. I'll even let you call it. Open up your fist.Copy !req
984. - Heads.
- Tails.Copy !req
985. - This will be the longest day of your life.
- We'll see about that.Copy !req
986. What am I doing?Copy !req
987. Cowboys! Cowboys!
Win, win, win!Copy !req
988. - Giants! Giants!
- Help us, God!Copy !req
989. Let's make something happen.Copy !req
990. Giants kicking off. They'll defend
the western goal to my right, your left.Copy !req
991. Go!Copy !req
992. All right, guys. All right.
Kicking is the key to this game.Copy !req
993. Somebody's holding a pound of Aunt
Betty's nut butter. It's a live ball!Copy !req
994. Cowboys recover.Copy !req
995. That was easy.Copy !req
996. I-formation right, 32 dive on go.Copy !req
997. Ready. Break!Copy !req
998. When I get finished with you...Copy !req
999. you'll fart out your mouth
and talk out your butt.Copy !req
1000. Is that physically possible?Copy !req
1001. Down!Copy !req
1002. Set!Copy !req
1003. Go!Copy !req
1004. - All right. All right.
- That's my boy!Copy !req
1005. Are you all right?Copy !req
1006. I think so.Copy !req
1007. I guess it is possible.Copy !req
1008. Go!Copy !req
1009. Way to hold him.Copy !req
1010. Dead meat.Copy !req
1011. Go!Copy !req
1012. Stay with him. Come on.Copy !req
1013. Touchdown, Cowboys!Copy !req
1014. This isn't American Gladiators.
That was a cheap shot.Copy !req
1015. No penalty. No penalty.Copy !req
1016. Did I pass the spelling test, Mrs. Greely?Copy !req
1017. Wow. Spike knocked him all the way back
to second grade.Copy !req
1018. - Okay, three little pigs on go. Ready.
- Wait.Copy !req
1019. - What's the three little pigs?
- Here.Copy !req
1020. Look. We're lined up strong left. Zolteck,
watch Murphy coming through the hole.Copy !req
1021. - Ready.
- Break!Copy !req
1022. Down!Copy !req
1023. Set! Go!Copy !req
1024. Blow the whistle! Blow the whistle!Copy !req
1025. Blow the whistle! Come on. Blow it!
Blow it!Copy !req
1026. Tad, you're going the wrong way.Copy !req
1027. Blow the whistle! Come on!
Blow the whistle! Blow it.Copy !req
1028. Blow it!Copy !req
1029. All right.Copy !req
1030. Down!Copy !req
1031. Set! Hut!Copy !req
1032. I should have gone to summer school.Copy !req
1033. Okay. Hanon, I want you to run
a bear trap curl...Copy !req
1034. - and try to catch the ball.
- No problem.Copy !req
1035. - Okay, guys. On two. Ready.
- Break!Copy !req
1036. Down!Copy !req
1037. Set! Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
1038. Hey, Hot Hands.
You're the best player on our team.Copy !req
1039. - Ready.
- Break!Copy !req
1040. Gonna rip your head off.Copy !req
1041. Down!Copy !req
1042. Set!Copy !req
1043. Go! Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
1044. Hammersmith dives on the ball in the
end zone. Touchdown, Cowboys!Copy !req
1045. I can't see with this thing on!Copy !req
1046. That's the end of your first half.
The score: Cowboys 21, Giants nothing.Copy !req
1047. - I'm not finished with you, Zol-fart.
- Have a nice halftime, girls.Copy !req
1048. Look at my back. Is my spine sticking out
through my uniform?Copy !req
1049. - It's hard to tell.
- I've lost feeling in the back of my leg.Copy !req
1050. - Maybe it's asleep.
- Nobody wake it.Copy !req
1051. - Hanon, call 911.
- I can't. My fingers are stuck together.Copy !req
1052. Hey, Danny, this thing's gone far enough.
Let's call it off, huh?Copy !req
1053. - It's not over.
- It's not over. You're sure?Copy !req
1054. It's halftime.Copy !req
1055. Okay, kid. Hey, there'll always be a job
for you at the full-service pumps.Copy !req
1056. Okay, guys. Listen up. We still got a shot.Copy !req
1057. A couple things go differently for us,
we're in it.Copy !req
1058. - We can do it.
- We really creamed them by showing up.Copy !req
1059. We quit. So call us if you decide
to coach softball.Copy !req
1060. - What about the second half?
- Tell them we can't come out.Copy !req
1061. - Put us on the injured list.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1062. You know, there's something
you guys should know.Copy !req
1063. When I was 10 years old,
I put myself on the injured list.Copy !req
1064. - I never got off.
- Why?Copy !req
1065. Because I didn't get picked a few times.
So I started hiding under the bleachers.Copy !req
1066. That's where we belong,
under the bleachers.Copy !req
1067. No, you don't.Copy !req
1068. You guys belong out there
with those Cowboys.Copy !req
1069. You know how I know that?
Because I belong out there with my brother.Copy !req
1070. Give us a break. You couldn't beat
Kevin O'Shea at anything.Copy !req
1071. - No, that's not true. I did beat him once.
- When?Copy !req
1072. When we were kids. We used to race
our bikes down Cherry Hill after school.Copy !req
1073. We'd race every day,
and he always beat me.Copy !req
1074. But one time, one time, I beat him.Copy !req
1075. - You beat Kevin down Cherry Hill?
- Yes, I did. He ate my dust.Copy !req
1076. - Big deal. One time.
- You know...Copy !req
1077. one time, at Randy Cooper's swim party,
I did a back flip off the high dive.Copy !req
1078. - And my brother chickened out.
- Roger chickened out? He's a Marine.Copy !req
1079. Oh, that's nothing.
One time, at a Spring Carnival...Copy !req
1080. I beat both my brothers
in the cow-dung toss.Copy !req
1081. You beat Matt and Brad in the turd toss?Copy !req
1082. One time, I went fishing
with my entire family.Copy !req
1083. I was the only one that didn't throw up.Copy !req
1084. So what?
That doesn't make us good football players.Copy !req
1085. Wait a second, guys. Who said
you had to be good to play football?Copy !req
1086. You play football because you want to.Copy !req
1087. You play because it's fun.Copy !req
1088. You play so you can pretend
you're Joe Montana...Copy !req
1089. throwing a touchdown pass
or Emmitt Smith going for a long run.Copy !req
1090. And even if those Cowboys are better
than you guys...Copy !req
1091. even if they beat you 99 times
out of 100...Copy !req
1092. - that still leaves...
- One time.Copy !req
1093. - One time.
- Yeah. One time.Copy !req
1094. - Stop! Who are we?
- Giants!Copy !req
1095. - I just told the mayor you forfeited.
- You give the mayor a message for me.Copy !req
1096. Tell him not to bet on the Cowboys.Copy !req
1097. - You forget one thing.
- What?Copy !req
1098. - That's my field.
- Yeah, well, we got the ball.Copy !req
1099. Come on. All right.Copy !req
1100. Okay, guys. All right. Here we go.Copy !req
1101. - Go, Spike.
- All right. Let's hit somebody.Copy !req
1102. Break!Copy !req
1103. They're gonna have to put you in a body bag.Copy !req
1104. - Prepare to eat grass.
- Pig breath, you're in big trouble.Copy !req
1105. - How come?
- Football's 80%% mental and 40%% physical.Copy !req
1106. - Set. Go!
- What?Copy !req
1107. Hey, guys, look!Copy !req
1108. - Second and nine.
- They gained a yard!Copy !req
1109. We got one yard.Copy !req
1110. One yard.Copy !req
1111. Don't mean nothing.Copy !req
1112. Down!Copy !req
1113. Set! Go!Copy !req
1114. Flea-flicker to Floyd. He's got
room up the sideline, the 45, the 50.Copy !req
1115. First down, Giants, on their longest gain
of the afternoon.Copy !req
1116. What kind of defense is that? Come on.Copy !req
1117. All right. Great. Great stuff.Copy !req
1118. Giants, Giants, first and 10
Giants, GiantsCopy !req
1119. Okay, listen up. What would be the last thing
they'd expect us to do?Copy !req
1120. - A reverse to me?
- Down!Copy !req
1121. Set! Go!Copy !req
1122. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.Copy !req
1123. - Come on, Tad!
- I'm gonna die!Copy !req
1124. Tad! Go! Go! Run out of bounds!Copy !req
1125. Tad! Run!Copy !req
1126. Go! Go!Copy !req
1127. We scored! We scored a touchdown!Copy !req
1128. Touchdown, Giants!Copy !req
1129. Oh, my God! My son scored a touchdown.Copy !req
1130. Down. Set. Go!Copy !req
1131. Yes. I've done it.Copy !req
1132. All right, Spike.
We're not taking any chances.Copy !req
1133. Either take Junior Floyd out of the game
or you donate a kidney to Aunt Ruth.Copy !req
1134. - Yes, sir!
- Okay. Come on. Get going.Copy !req
1135. - Personal foul, number 32, white.
- Are you crazy? What kind of call is that?Copy !req
1136. Hey. That wasn't very nice, you big bully.Copy !req
1137. If that kid of yours pulls another stunt
like that, you're both out of here.Copy !req
1138. - Hey, I thought you wanted to win.
- Not like that.Copy !req
1139. - Hi.
- Sure you want to do this, Becky?Copy !req
1140. - Call me Icebox.
- Hey, Icebox.Copy !req
1141. Kick some butt.Copy !req
1142. Call me Becky.Copy !req
1143. - What's that cheerleader doing?
- It's no cheerleader. That's my niece.Copy !req
1144. And she's pissed.Copy !req
1145. Break!Copy !req
1146. Keep clear, Ice Chest,
or I'll have to mess up your face.Copy !req
1147. Two, fifty-six. Two, fifty-six.Copy !req
1148. Two, fifty-six. Down!Copy !req
1149. Set! Go!Copy !req
1150. What a hit by Becky O'Shea.
The ball is loose. Hanon tightly covers it up.Copy !req
1151. Yes! All right! That's my girl!Copy !req
1152. Yeah.Copy !req
1153. No!Copy !req
1154. - Let it go, man.
- Get away.Copy !req
1155. I got it! I got it! I got it!Copy !req
1156. Zolteck! Come here.Copy !req
1157. - You rang?
- Chicken little flea-flicker on two. Take it.Copy !req
1158. - Okay. Chicken little flea-flicker on two.
- What's that?Copy !req
1159. It's a pitch to Johnny.Copy !req
1160. Pitch to Johnny?
You can't pitch to Johnny. I'm Johnny!Copy !req
1161. Zolteck, he's gonna need some running room.Copy !req
1162. Got you.Copy !req
1163. - Break!
- Excuse me, guys! Guys, come on!Copy !req
1164. Excuse me. Maybe you can help me.
I'm trying to remember what I had for lunch.Copy !req
1165. - How can we do that?
- By taking a whiff of this.Copy !req
1166. Hut. Hut two.Copy !req
1167. - Now what?
- Just run to him.Copy !req
1168. Dad?Copy !req
1169. Dad!Copy !req
1170. Dad!Copy !req
1171. Dad!Copy !req
1172. Dad!Copy !req
1173. Dad!Copy !req
1174. Touchdown! The Giants deficit
is cut in half...Copy !req
1175. on brilliant running by Johnny Vennaro.Copy !req
1176. - Line up. Let's go. Get the guys over here.
- We're out there. Let's go to kick off.Copy !req
1177. Down!Copy !req
1178. Set! Go!Copy !req
1179. - Clear it out. Let's go.
- All right, guys. Way to go.Copy !req
1180. What's the matter, four-eyes?Copy !req
1181. Want your mama?Copy !req
1182. Don't be talking about my mama.Copy !req
1183. Watching Jake play football
has really been great for my family.Copy !req
1184. Yeah.Copy !req
1185. Down. Set. Go!Copy !req
1186. Rip their filthy ears off, Jakester!Copy !req
1187. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
1188. - I use these for acid indigestion.
- So what are we gonna use these for?Copy !req
1189. Intimidation.Copy !req
1190. Break!Copy !req
1191. Go.Copy !req
1192. What's the matter with you?
You gonna play or what?Copy !req
1193. Okay. I've got the play.
Silver streak to Hanon on two.Copy !req
1194. Are you sure?Copy !req
1195. - Ready.
- Break!Copy !req
1196. - Oh, crud.
- Come on.Copy !req
1197. Set! Go!Copy !req
1198. Pass! Pass! Pass!Copy !req
1199. Yeah! That's my boy!Copy !req
1200. All right, Hanon!Copy !req
1201. Touchdown!Copy !req
1202. - Wrong defense!
- I didn't call the blitz!Copy !req
1203. With 1:45 left and the score tied
21 to 21...Copy !req
1204. it looks like Mr. Momentum
may be changing his address.Copy !req
1205. All right, men. Let's go.Copy !req
1206. Down!Copy !req
1207. Set!Copy !req
1208. Go!Copy !req
1209. - Get off of me.
- You're mine.Copy !req
1210. All right. All right.Copy !req
1211. With less than a minute to play, the
Cowboys are heading for that end zone.Copy !req
1212. Set! Go!Copy !req
1213. Stick a fork in them. They're done!Copy !req
1214. Easy! Easy! One more!Copy !req
1215. Come here, son.Copy !req
1216. Thirty-eight toss. You understand?
Thirty-eight toss. Let's go.Copy !req
1217. Do you remember that
championship game with Sutterville?Copy !req
1218. The one where Kevin scored
the winning touchdown?Copy !req
1219. Time-out.Copy !req
1220. The Giants call a time-out with 10 seconds
left and the ball on the one-yard line.Copy !req
1221. Come on, guys. Huddle up.Copy !req
1222. Look, no one thought
we'd make it this far.Copy !req
1223. But now it's time to really dig in.
They're gonna give the ball to Spike.Copy !req
1224. - We've gotta stop him.
- He's too strong.Copy !req
1225. We can do it together.Copy !req
1226. - Ready.
- Break!Copy !req
1227. Hold that line! Hold that line!
Hold that line!Copy !req
1228. Set!Copy !req
1229. They know the play.Copy !req
1230. They know the play.Copy !req
1231. Set!Copy !req
1232. Go!Copy !req
1233. Turn it up!Copy !req
1234. - Yes! We're in! Touchdown!
- Yeah!Copy !req
1235. - It was over!
- No. We stopped him.Copy !req
1236. - He was in.
- No way.Copy !req
1237. Move it back. Everybody, off the ball.Copy !req
1238. Move back.Copy !req
1239. Giants' ball!Copy !req
1240. No! No!Copy !req
1241. Giants' ball!Copy !req
1242. Told you.Copy !req
1243. Time-out.Copy !req
1244. You did it, guys. You stopped him.
I'm real proud of you.Copy !req
1245. - Coach, there's still four seconds left.
- We can beat these guys.Copy !req
1246. Put me in, coach!
I wanna kick some butt!Copy !req
1247. What kind of play you got for this?Copy !req
1248. How about the annexation of Puerto Rico?Copy !req
1249. With four seconds left, the Giants
trot onto the field for the final play.Copy !req
1250. - Ready.
- One time.Copy !req
1251. - Ready.
- Break!Copy !req
1252. You're mine, pom-pom.Copy !req
1253. - All right.
- Let's go, baby. One more play, baby.Copy !req
1254. Watch the wingman.Copy !req
1255. Down!Copy !req
1256. - Don't let anybody behind you!
- Set!Copy !req
1257. Go!Copy !req
1258. Reverse! Reverse!Copy !req
1259. She doesn't have the ball.
Fumblerooski! Fumblerooski!Copy !req
1260. - Yeah! No mercy!
- No ball.Copy !req
1261. - Get him!
- He's got the ball!Copy !req
1262. I got it. I got it.Copy !req
1263. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
1264. I'm gonna score a touchdown.
I'm gonna score a touchdown!Copy !req
1265. No, you're not.Copy !req
1266. Yeah!Copy !req
1267. - We won!
- We won!Copy !req
1268. We did it! We won!Copy !req
1269. - We won! We won! We won!
- We did it!Copy !req
1270. We won!Copy !req
1271. We won! We won!Copy !req
1272. We won!Copy !req
1273. Patty Floyd...Copy !req
1274. I was wondering if you'd be interested
in having dinner with me?Copy !req
1275. Fine, if you'd like to think about it.Copy !req
1276. Get a grip, Dad.Copy !req
1277. Yeah! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1278. Yes!Copy !req
1279. Giants! Giants! Giants! Giants!Copy !req
1280. Congratulations, Danny.
Looks like you're the new head coach.Copy !req
1281. If you're pissed at me, don't be.
If I wasn't tough on you...Copy !req
1282. when we were kids,
you never would've beat me today.Copy !req
1283. - Okay. Listen, Kev, my guys are wondering...
- They want to tar and feather me in public?Copy !req
1284. No. They're wondering if your team
wants to join the Little Giants.Copy !req
1285. One town. One team.Copy !req
1286. - All right. I'll tell my boys.
- Hey, Kev.Copy !req
1287. - Is it possible to have two head coaches?
- No.Copy !req
1288. In case the head coach doesn't know
as much about football as the other coach?Copy !req
1289. Let me think about it. All right?Copy !req
1290. - Deal.
- Danny.Copy !req
1291. That bet we made,
you're not holding me to it?Copy !req
1292. Kevin, am I the kind of guy that's gonna
throw his own brother out on the street?Copy !req
1293. - No.
- There's always a job for you...Copy !req
1294. at Danny O'Shea Chevrolet.
I'll start you on commission...Copy !req
1295. Danny, look, there's gotta be some way
we can work this out. What do you want?Copy !req
1296. Well, there is one thing.Copy !req
1297. What?Copy !req