Lisa Frankenstein (2024)

1. Hey, Taffy.

2. I don't think that blush is your shade, Lisa.

3. - I'll probably just stay home. - No.

4. This is the first critical rager of the year.

5. It's compulsory.

6. And you know what your doctor said.

7. You need socialization.

8. Why don't you use my tanning bed?

9. Oh, no way.

10. When I won Junior Miss Hawaiian Tropic,

11. I promised I'd use my title to help other people.

12. And that includes sharing the grand prize with those in need.

13. You're in need, babe.

14. I'm really sorry you got electrocuted, Lisa.

15. I'm fine.

16. Let's rap. How are you liking Brookview so far?

17. It's fine.

18. It's the same as my old school.

19. Are you hot for anyone?

20. Come on.

21. Lisa.

22. Lisa!

23. Michael Trent.

24. I don't know who that is.

25. He's the editor in chief of The Grackle.

26. The lit mag.

27. The high school literary magazine.

28. Does he lunch on or off campus?

29. - Off. - BK or White Castle?

30. Neither.

31. Does he have more of a basketball bod

32. or a football bod?

33. He doesn't play sports. He's cerebral.

34. He's in a wheelchair?

35. No.

36. This party's going to be clutch.

37. There's going to be two kegs, a wapatui,

38. and Eric Chen stole a nitrous tank

39. from his dad's dental practice.

40. - Isn't it just off Bluff Road? - Uh-huh.

41. We could've walked.

42. Too far. I'm wearing jellies.

43. These things will turn your feet into Hamburger Helper.

44. But there's a shortcut through the forest

45. through Bachelor's Grove.

46. The haunted cemetery?

47. It's not haunted.

48. It's just abandoned.

49. Desecrated.

50. Well, I heard the heshers do witchcraft over there.

51. And I also heard that Gina Marzak

52. dedicated her unborn child to Satan.

53. And that's why the baby has to wear a helmet now.

54. I've never seen anybody there.

55. I think it's really peaceful and quiet.

56. I do wax rubbings of all the tombstones.

57. I have a favorite.

58. - You have a favorite one? - Yeah.

59. A young man.

60. I tend to his grave and leave him flowers and...

61. I talk to him sometimes.

62. I brought this for you.

63. It was my mom's.

64. It's kind of morbid when I wear it,

65. so I wanted you to have it.

66. Keep it safe, okay?

67. That's really weird, Lisa.

68. I just don't think anyone should be forgotten.

69. - Hi! - Hi!

70. - I brought the booze.

71. - Yes, you did! - You look great.

72. - You look hot.

73. Hey, you fixed your bangs.

74. You know, I wasn't gonna say anything,

75. they were such a mess, but you look amazing now.

76. I'm telling you, we're taking it to state this year, man,

77. - and I'll put money on it. - Possum pride, baby!

78. Whoo, whoo! Yes, sir!

79. Oh, my God, Steve! Bag your face!

80. If you're looking to fade out, the ethanol's inside.

81. - What? - The booze.

82. It's in the house.

83. Yeah, I think that my stepsister brought most of it.

84. Lisa Swallows.

85. Michael Trent.

86. Why?

87. How do you know my name?

88. Well, we're both currently being educated

89. in the same walls of asbestos.

90. Plus, you submitted some really strong poems to The Grackle.

91. I'm the editor.

92. Oh, you are? Right.

93. Your stuff's really good.

94. Like, pitch-black, but really good.

95. Reminds me of Plath or Anne Sexton.

96. You like my poems?

97. I wouldn't have published them if I didn't.

98. So, what exactly happened to her?

99. I've heard stuff.

100. I can never, ever talk about it, Lori.

101. For personal and legal reasons, and I also pinky-swore.

102. But I guess I can tell you. I trust you.

103. You're my cheer sister.

104. Of course.

105. Okay, so, like, two years ago,

106. Lisa was home alone with her mom,

107. and this psycho broke in.

108. With, like, an axe and everything.

109. Anyway, her mom told her to run and hide, and so she did.

110. And then the guy axe-murdered her mom,

111. and she heard the whole thing.

112. - Oh, my God.

113. She called 911, but the guy escaped.

114. They never caught him.

115. And by the time she came out, it was too late.

116. Wow.

117. I'd be screwed up if I were her, too.

118. Yeah.

119. She didn't talk for a few months after that.

120. Kind of just wandered around like a zombie.

121. What about her dad?

122. Is he okay?

123. Oh, yeah. Dale? He's a big sweetie.

124. My mom met him six months after the murder,

125. and they got engaged and married real quick.

126. Which is great, you know?

127. Because Dale didn't have to be sad for too long

128. and Lisa had a new mom right away.

129. - Aw! - That's so cute.

130. Yeah. Everything worked out nice.

131. - So, like... - Hey.

132. - I found the keg. - Oh. Thank you.

133. It's Clydesdale piss, but, you know...

134. Hey, Tamara.

135. Hi. Sorry, how do we know each other?

136. - Just a couple classes. - This year?

137. This semester.

138. Bless.

139. - Uh, anyway... - Mm-hmm.

140. do you want a sip?

141. Uh...

142. - I'll take one. - No, right.

143. Why would I assume that she parties?

144. All right, I'll take one.

145. - Oh. - Let me see that real quick.

146. What?

147. - What is this? - You know, I'm not really sure.

148. - I got it off, um, Darren? Come on.

149. What? -Poor girl just went from Pepsi Free to PCP.

150. You're being so dramatic.

151. Hey, Lisa. You okay?

152. I saw you talking to those darksiders.

153. Did they give you something?

154. This is not what I expected from you.

155. You have so much potential, Lisa.

156. Hey, you. We need to talk.

157. Just say no.

158. Liquor before beer, babe.

159. I'm psychic.

160. Also...

161. I think it's gonna rain.

162. Hey, Lisa.

163. Are you okay?

164. Oh.

165. Who are you?

166. Yeah...

167. Uh, it's-it's me, it's Doug.

168. Your lab partner?

169. Okay, um...

170. let's find somewhere for you to sit for a bit, yeah?

171. Here we go. Oh, here we go.

172. All right.

173. I hate parties like this.

174. I don't even know why I came.

175. Personally, I'd rather catch a flick or something

176. than watch a bunch of cheerleaders get blasted.

177. Moo.

178. Dude, that's for cows.

179. Who's your favorite director of all time?

180. - Pabst. - Pa...

181. Oh, you're just reading my beer can.

182. No.

183. He was a real director.

184. Um... what kind of movies did he direct?

185. Silents.

186. Okay, I'll be quiet.

187. Oops.

188. - Ooh.

189. Your hair feels like Easter grass.

190. How much cans of White Rain you got in there, kid?

191. Kiddo?

192. Smells like camp in here.

193. Mm. Thank you.

194. Uh-oh.

195. Looks like the angels are bowling.

196. My mom used to say that.

197. Does that feel good?

198. Come on, you can't stop once you've started. It's the rules.

199. Come on, Lisa. Just for a minute.

200. You know it's not nice to lead people on, Lisa.

201. It's you.

202. Oh, I... I wish I was with you.

203. Wash your hands, kiddo.

204. Mama.

205. - Lisa? Lis? Hey.

206. My mom's having a cow about the bathroom.

207. You should probably get up.

208. Come on, now.

209. That's fine. Everyone does it.

210. Oh, my God.

211. So, what happened last night?

212. Oof. Your knees.

213. I fell.

214. Sure, babe. Me, too.

215. Lisa!

216. Get down here now!

217. You should probably get going.

218. Oh. Lisa.

219. Did you smash the mirror in the bathroom?

220. Last night, I, uh...

221. Told you.

222. Your dad wanted to give you

223. the benefit of the doubt, but I knew.

224. I always know.

225. I'm an I.P.

226. Intuitive person.

227. Took a whole seminar about it.

228. Janet.

229. There was a damn tornado last night.

230. Hail damage on the sedan, yard full of debris,

231. and now I guess I got to clean up the bathroom, too.

232. It was a tornado watch, Mom, not a real tornado.

233. Well, now, it was quite a storm, though, Taff.

234. You see that ball lightning?

235. Big green ball in the sky?

236. Never saw anything like that.

237. Dale.

238. You need to stop munching the Grape-Nuts

239. and be a father right now.

240. Your daughter has a taste for vandalism.

241. She has been deliberately destroying property.

242. First, it was my...

243. Precious Moments cake stand.

244. That was an accident.

245. Mom.

246. Be nice.

247. I am being nice.

248. But I will not coddle her.

249. No one coddled me when my dad blew up in Da Nang.

250. And that is why I am the way I am today.

251. That's a good point.

252. Thank you, honey.

253. Lisa, do you know what happens to people who act out?

254. They wind up in the loony bin.

255. You're a psych nurse, Mom.

256. Should you be saying "loony bin"?

257. Zip it, Taff.

258. All right, Lisa.

259. You're gonna go upstairs

260. and you're gonna clean up that bathroom.

261. And, um...

262. pay for the mirror.

263. Yeah, I'll pick up an extra shift at Wayne's.

264. How about an apology?

265. I'm sorry, Janet.

266. Wait a second here.

267. What is this?

268. Thanks, Laura.

269. I'm here on the scene at the former sight

270. of the Bachelor's Grove Cemetery in Bremer Park,

271. where a neglected monument was recently

272. - struck by lightning...

273. reigniting neighborhood concerns about fire safety.

274. Oh.

275. Hey.

276. Hello.

277. I-I feel like I want to apologize

278. for what may have happened last night.

279. I had no idea that cup was spiked.

280. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

281. It was good. Uh, that was... I got high.

282. So you're an experienced psychonaut.

283. You know, like, um...

284. like an astronaut of the psyche type thing?

285. Oh, yeah, I'm the...

286. Sally Ride of...

287. drugs.

288. Can I help you, young man?

289. Uh, yes, sir. Um...

290. just spilt a little something on the inside here.

291. Red wine?

292. - Hawaiian Punch. - Mm-hmm.

293. Anyway, well, I'm glad you're okay.

294. Do you two know each other from school?

295. I didn't know Lisa had any friends.

296. I can always count on her to work on Saturdays

297. 'cause she can't get a date.

298. Eh, it's probably 'cause she's so flat-chested.

299. Hey. Can they get it out?

300. I'll do my best, sweetheart.

301. But I'm a technician, not a magician.

302. - Thank you. - That's a shame.

303. Hi, Lisa.

304. Um, well, thank you.

305. Lisa, it was really good seeing you. -Bye.

306. Lisa.

307. Hmm.

308. And that's why

309. Mr. Conyers has to teach with the door open now.

310. Oh, you're a riot, Taff.

311. Hey, Lis.

312. We're going to the late show of Look Who's Talking.

313. Want to come?

314. Oh, is there pizza left?

315. Uh, yeah.

316. I think we got a slice here.

317. Oh. Looks like it's got a little meat on it.

318. Oh, she can pick it off.

319. I said we should get you a veggie lovers',

320. but I guess she had some coupon thing.

321. Eh? Free Orange Crush?

322. Yeah, I think I'm gonna skip the movie.

323. Huh? No, what?

324. Lisa.

325. Lis, come on.

326. We all have to spend more time together as a family.

327. How can we Brady if we don't bunch?

328. - Right, Dad? - That's right.

329. I'm just really tired from work.

330. How tiring can it be to sit hunched

331. over a sewing machine like an old lady?

332. Taff just had a three-hour cheer practice.

333. - Mom... - They have her doing

334. the splits on the top of the damn pyramid.

335. Do you know how hard that is on the groin muscles?

336. It doesn't even hurt anymore.

337. Well, because you put in the work.

338. All those hours screaming

339. with your legs spread against the wall.

340. Heck yeah, you should be proud, Taff.

341. Well, I'm sure Lisa's fingers hurt from all that sewing.

342. Eventually, a callus just forms.

343. Don't I know it?

344. Mm.

345. Okay, okay.

346. Okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay.

347. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

348. Hmm?

349. - You hear that?

350. I'm sure it's the girl next door.

351. She's very odd.

352. - The cheerleader? - No, no.

353. Not Taffy. She's adorable.

354. Stop it! And what a figure.

355. - It's the other girl.

356. I'm calling 911!

357. That's my dad's shoe phone.

358. He got it for free

359. with his subscription to Sports Illustrated.

360. Do you like this, uh, song?

361. Do you like any other music?

362. I have The Cure.

363. - Hmm? - Oh.

364. No.

365. It's not that kind of cure. It's like a...

366. It's a band.

367. They can't make you better. I mean, they can,

368. but emotionally.

369. Come on, we've got to hide you.

370. This is my room.

371. We're better off up here in case anybody comes home.

372. Definitely no one can see you.

373. What?

374. My mom's rosary.

375. Oh, my God.

376. You...

377. You're him?

378. Well, why are you here?

379. Okay, I get it. I get it.

380. When I said I wished I was with you,

381. I didn't mean that.

382. I meant I wished I was in the ground, dead.

383. Because life sucks and people are jerk-offs.

384. I didn't mean that I wanted to be...

385. with you.

386. You know...

387. in person.

388. Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

389. No, no, no, don't cry.

390. Don't cry.

391. Your tears... they smell so bad.

392. Go.

393. Oh, my God.

394. Oh, my...

395. Okay.

396. - So here's some soap.

397. Oh, no.

398. Um, that's a, um...

399. douche bag. Just don't...

400. You're gonna need that.

401. I don't know why I'm talking so much.

402. I haven't said this many words in a row in forever.

403. After my mom died,

404. I got diagnosed with traumatic mutism.

405. That's where you don't talk at all. Are you going to talk?

406. Copy that.

407. Would you like me to turn on the shower radio?

408. Hmm?

409. This is Taffy's station.

410. - It's for beer sluts.

411. I'm gonna turn on the college station.

412. It's for people like us.

413. With feelings.

414. Careful.

415. Okay.

416. Hot. Cold.

417. This?

418. Water.

419. It's the future.

420. Okay, sparky.

421. We got to get you some new duds.

422. Send it... send it back.

423. - Oh.

424. I love it.

425. - No?

426. Just give it a chance.

427. Wait, I...

428. Let me see.

429. We can work on this, bud, you know?

430. - It looks cool.

431. - Hmm.

432. - Oh.

433. Oh, I can't do anything about that.

434. I'm not a doctor.

435. But it's okay.

436. They're just things that make you different.

437. You know, there's this really attractive guy

438. on Days of Our Lives who has to wear an eye patch.

439. He's a very popular character,

440. and his patch doesn't define him.

441. What's his name? Patch.

442. His name is Patch.

443. What the hell happened here?

444. - Oh, Janet. Lisa!

445. Taffy, stay outside.

446. - Get in my closet!

447. It's okay, everyone. I'm okay. I'm fine.

448. It's okay. I'm good.

449. Honey...

450. My Snowbabies. Janet, will...?

451. Oh, Belly Boy.

452. - Little Chubby. Christ.

453. There was a home invasion.

454. The burglar ransacked the-the china cabinets,

455. but I... I fought him off.

456. How am I going to serve sambuca?

457. Well, wait a second. It...

458. A burglar?

459. He had a... a mask, a black mask.

460. And this hat. He had this wide-brimmed hat

461. and a striped jumpsuit.

462. That sounds like the Hamburglar.

463. No.

464. Lisa, that does sound

465. like the exact description of the Hamburglar.

466. Dale?

467. Oh.

468. Do you see what's going on here?

469. Lisa's hungry? I...

470. Lisa got a lot of attention

471. when the tragedy happened.

472. So now she's, well,

473. re-creating the scene of the crime.

474. She has been ransacking

475. our precious home little by little.

476. The cake stand, the-the bathroom last night,

477. - and now this.

478. She knew how it would affect you, Dale.

479. She needs help.

480. Residential treatment. She needs to go somewhere.

481. - For a while. Mom!

482. We can't just send off Lisa to the snake pit.

483. She can barely survive P.E.

484. Daddy...

485. I'm not crazy.

486. Nobody said that.

487. Oh, my mom actually just did.

488. No, Taff, she would never say that.

489. Well...

490. I hate to say it, Lisa,

491. but you are either crazy

492. or you're just goddamned inconsiderate.

493. - Yeah.

494. - Her neck. - Mm.

495. I can glue that.

496. I have to get, uh, dressed.

497. Mm.

498. That's Taffy's.

499. She gave it to me because she said

500. she got too many compliments in it.

501. Uh-uh, it's not really my style.

502. Mm!

503. - I'm not a skeezer.

504. Hey! Ugh.

505. Can I at least have a jacket?

506. Oh, Lisa looks good.

507. She could probably even do pageants,

508. if she had congeniality.

509. The extremely empathetic person

510. may struggle with feelings of isolation.

511. "Why me?

512. Why must I feel so strongly?"

513. Whew!

514. Others seem crude and insensitive.

515. Emotional vampires seek out intuitive people

516. and drain them.

517. They envy our magic and our sensitivity. -

518. - They won't be satisfied... - Hmm.

519. until we're as devoid of love as they are.

520. How can we avoid these people who wish to...

521. Unfortunately, highly empathetic people are...

522. The key is learning to recognize them.

523. At first, they may seem harmless.

524. - They may even make you feel

525. very special.

526. - Don't fall into this trap.

527. Hmm. - Don't be fooled by their...

528. - Their goal is to exploit your kindness

529. and drag you down to their level

530. before they move on to a new victim.

531. Others seem crude.

532. Can I help you? Carpet shampoo, ma'am?

533. - Uh, carpet shampoo? - Yes, ma'am.

534. - You can eat off my carpet. - We're doing an offer.

535. Excuse me?

536. - What's your name? - Uh, it's Clark. Clark.

537. What is your name? - Clark.

538. Yes, well, no. I am a very busy person.

539. I'm not happy to spend my time talking to you.

540. I only really just...

541. Of course it is. I-I-I thought...

542. You want a flyer? No? Okay.

543. Between you and the knife guy, Jesus H.

544. - As an I.P.,

545. you will instinctively know when something is off.

546. And even though others may try

547. - to convince you otherwise... - Mmm.

548. it is imperative that you follow

549. - your own inner compass. - Hmm? Hmm.

550. Only then can you vanquish the narcissist.

551. Hey.

552. - Hi. - Did you happen

553. to take any notes in White's class today?

554. - I-I cut. - Aw.

555. Yeah, I was gonna cut, too, because I hate White's class,

556. but I think I took... I took, like, some notes.

557. Wow.

558. You sure you're not on the payroll?

559. No, you have to have, like, a...

560. like, a stupid face to teach here.

561. You have to be really ugly with a stupid face.

562. You're kind of absurd, aren't you?

563. - Hi.

564. - Hey. - Excuse me.

565. I need to talk to my sister.

566. I'm very protective of her.

567. She's a newish transfer student,

568. and I want her to make friends with the right people.

569. No punks, trenchies or death clowns.

570. Taffy!

571. Oscar Wilde said, "To define is to limit."

572. Okay. Well, Oscar the Grouch said, "Scram."

573. I'll see you later.

574. I really don't get your fixation with that one.

575. There are plenty of halfway-dece guys

576. that would date you.

577. Like, n-not a basketball player, per se,

578. but certainly the team manager.

579. Or maybe even a cute guy with bad skin.

580. Mm-hmm. Thanks.

581. I'm going out tonight after practice.

582. Will you cover for me?

583. Doesn't your mom have that, like,

584. Milwaukee conference thing?

585. Yeah, but what about Daddy?

586. You know how overprotective he is.

587. "Taffy, where are you going?"

588. "Taffy, what time are you gonna be back?" He's obsessed.

589. He is?

590. Well, I think he works late Mondays anyway,

591. - so you don't have to worry.

592. Well, if he asks, tell him I'm at Lori's, please.

593. - Sure. - Thanks.

594. I think he really likes me.

595. Are guys so simple that you just have to put on

596. a pirate skeezer dress, and suddenly,

597. - they want to talk to you?

598. Oh. Well, thanks, I guess.

599. How will I ever repay you?

600. Hmm?

601. Huh?

602. Well, I can't just get you new parts.

603. I mean...

604. you're a dead man,

605. not a Chrysler LeBaron.

606. Oh, I want to help you.

607. I really do, but I don't know how.

608. And besides, Taffy says it's a waste of time

609. to try and fix a boy.

610. It's better to just accept a guy's flaws.

611. Hey! Don't Kirk out on me, man!

612. Lisa?

613. Damn it! Janet!

614. Hello... Janet.

615. I thought you were going to Milwaukee.

616. Don't you "Milwaukee" me.

617. I skipped the conference because I'm ill.

618. And do you know why I'm ill?

619. Aunt Flo?

620. No.

621. Because a little psycho whore

622. put worms on my diet plate.

623. I-I don't know what you're talking about.

624. I should've gone to the doctor,

625. but I had to go take care of others,

626. like I've been doing for 20 years.

627. Because I am a nurse and an angel.

628. I even opened my glorious home

629. to an ungrateful little bitch.

630. Well, I didn't want to move here.

631. Oh, you wanted to stay in the house

632. where your mom was butchered like a hog?

633. Oh, that-that's disturbing, Lisa.

634. I mean, I didn't want to go to a new school my senior year.

635. I didn't want to leave the town that I lived in my whole life.

636. So ungrateful.

637. You were lucky to get out of there.

638. I'm sure people were talking.

639. Or maybe you liked being a hot topic.

640. Maybe it was the first time anyone ever looked at you.

641. Shut up!

642. Oh, that's it.

643. You should know that today,

644. I talked to the head of the juvenile program

645. at Serenity Manor, and you are being admitted.

646. Oh, please, no.

647. Oh, yes.

648. For your own good and my safety.

649. - Inpatient.

650. - Lockdown.

651. - Special socks.

652. Where a disturbed person like you belong...

653. Why? Why?

654. Oh. No, I can't.

655. I can't do that.

656. Not until we bury the body.

657. Is it peaceful down there?

658. Can you hear anything?

659. No reception?

660. Dead meat.

661. Well, maybe it could just be for looks.

662. Like my cousin Carlene— she got a boob job.

663. She can't feel anything, but she still got a husband.

664. The rest of you used to be dead, too.

665. - Oh, my God.

666. Hello?

667. Can you hear me?

668. - Can you hear me?

669. Can you... Yeah?

670. Oh, my God! It worked!

671. Fresh.

672. Good morning.

673. Is that sherry?

674. No.

675. It's Lisa.

676. Did she just make a joke?

677. - It wasn't very good.

678. Is that my new half shirt from Contrampo?

679. You said sisters share.

680. You're right. I did.

681. You look deadly.

682. Half the school is headed to boner town,

683. and they don't even know it yet.

684. Right, Daddy?

685. Mm-hmm. They have no idea.

686. Don't tell Mom I said this,

687. but it's actually kind of nice not having her in town.

688. Actually, I...

689. miss her.

690. You do?

691. She's been such a nurturing presence in my life,

692. and I'm just so glad that you chose someone

693. who's good for both of us.

694. Oh, my gosh.

695. This isn't waterproof.

696. Okay, guys, let's vámonos a la escuela.

697. What happened to your neck?

698. Crimper accident.

699. But you had practice yesterday.

700. I did.

701. You never heat-style before a practice.

702. Are you the crimper police?

703. Are you from Conair PD?

704. No, it's just that your hair's not even crimped.

705. Well, you know that my hair is too healthy

706. and too silky to hold a crimp.

707. Right.

708. It's, like, my main flaw.

709. - Yeah. - Bye, Daddy.

710. Okay.

711. - Let's get going. - Be careful.

712. Hey.

713. I'm so glad that you came.

714. You... you don't want to hold my hand?

715. Oh, I will.

716. But first, I want to take you somewhere that's...

717. very meaningful to me.

718. Uh, I don't think

719. I've ever heard you talk this much.

720. It's weird.

721. I suppose I never thought I had much to contribute,

722. but I feel much more extroverted lately.

723. I want to participate in the school community.

724. I didn't know we were going for a hike.

725. Oh.

726. Why are we at Bachelor's?

727. Oh. Have you been here before?

728. Mm-hmm. Once.

729. Uh, in the seventh grade on a dare.

730. Mm-hmm.

731. This whole place gives me the creeps, okay?

732. It-it's not Christian,

733. okay, for a graveyard to be left like this.

734. - I agree.

735. It's not Christian.

736. Okay.

737. - Ooh. - Okay.

738. - I want you to touch me

739. exactly the way you touched me at the party.

740. Oh, I knew you wanted it.

741. All right, so, uh, well, I had a bunch of beers, you know,

742. which is... which is probably why I was so good at it.

743. - Uh, you know, because I was relaxed.

744. But I think it might have been...

745. No, no, no, no, no, no!

746. - Aha!

747. I told you I'd hold your stupid hand!

748. Why would you do that, Lisa? -

749. What? I thought that was a really cool thing to say.

750. Ow! Help!

751. My hand! My hand...

752. - This is gonna be tough.

753. Ooh.

754. Hmm.

755. Oh.

756. No, no.

757. Whoa!

758. Oh. Oh.

759. What? Where are we going?

760. Oh, my God.

761. Okay.

762. What?

763. What are you doing?

764. Oh, you're a musician.

765. Okay.

766. Was that, like, Mozart or something?

767. You had a whole life.

768. Yeah, I guess, yeah, I do.

769. I guess so.

770. Oh, no, uh, that's Dad's.

771. He hasn't played since my mom died.

772. You can try.

773. Yeah.

774. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, no.

775. No, no, no, are you crying?

776. Oh, my God.

777. Oh, no! Goddamn it!

778. When you cry, it smells like a hot toilet at a carnival.

779. Oof.

780. Oh, Jesus.

781. God!

782. What's wrong?

783. What?

784. Hey.

785. Don't feel bad about what we did.

786. Janet was gonna put me in a psych ward.

787. You saved me.

788. And Doug?

789. Eh. We just wanted his hand.

790. And now look what you can do with it. That hand...

791. was gonna do terrible things.

792. And now it's a... it's a conduit

793. for the talent of REO Speedwagon.

794. Look, I got to go change my pad,

795. and you got to get upstairs for the night

796. 'cause they're gonna be home soon, so...

797. So, I think we'll call that one finished,

798. - and from all of us here...

799. Guys! I finally got my standing back tuck.

800. It was a little off the cheese mat, but still,

801. Coach said it counts.

802. Oh, that's fantastic.

803. Thanks, Daddy. Oh, wait, I got to go tell Mom.

804. Taffy, wait.

805. Doesn't she get back tomorrow?

806. Just tell her then.

807. Lisa, this is a big D.

808. Mom said that if I got my back tuck,

809. she'd finally give me her diamond studs.

810. That's so nice.

811. Yeah, it is. What's the number for the hotel again?

812. Yeah, it's, uh, in there on the fridge.

813. And, Taff, holler before you get off.

814. I want to talk to Mom, too.

815. - Sure thing. Me, too.

816. I want to talk to her, too.

817. Okay. - When you get her on the phone.

818. "Back tuck."

819. I think I'm gonna go up to my room.

820. I got a really big pop quiz tomorrow.

821. I thought a pop quiz was a surprise.

822. Oh, that's illegal now.

823. Because a kid, uh...

824. he had a heart attack.

825. And died.

826. Yeah.

827. - Oh, whoa.

828. Lisa.

829. What is up with your nails?

830. I, um...

831. Wite-Out?

832. Is that a rad new trend or something?

833. Yeah.

834. All the kids are doing it, you know? Hmm?

835. The suspect's in custody,

836. but they're not releasing any information

837. until they complete their investigation.

838. Mama.

839. That's Starlight Rosebud Hella Good Girl

840. Gonna Need a Big Bank.

841. But I just call her Niblets Corn.

842. I don't play with dolls anymore.

843. Mama.

844. Oh. Sixth grade.

845. I was in band for a month.

846. Then I got, like, a weird...

847. mouth fungus.

848. It hurt.

849. Don't touch it.

850. Um, that's like a...

851. it's like a...

852. back massager.

853. Lisa?

854. Lis?

855. Lis? I just called my mom's hotel,

856. and they're saying that she never checked in.

857. Mama.

858. Anyway, there's no one there by her name.

859. I tried using her new last name, her old last name,

860. her old-old last name, then I called 411

861. and tried calling the other Radisson in Milwaukee.

862. I called all the Radissons in Milwaukee.

863. You did a lot of calling.

864. - Yeah. - Well...

865. I'm sure there's some explanation.

866. What if she's been kidnapped?

867. What if...

868. the kidnappers drugged her?

869. And then forced her to call home and say she was okay?

870. Just as they would do in every Unsolved Mystery episode.

871. No, Taffy! Taffy, Taffy, no, no, no!

872. It's okay.

873. Let's not jump to conclusions.

874. Lisa, you know I'm usually pretty cool about things, right?

875. - Yeah. - I'm a loose goose.

876. - I'm Laffy Taffy. - Mm-hmm.

877. But I have a bad feeling about this.

878. I'm an I.P., intuitive person.

879. - Mm-hmm. - Just like my mom.

880. No.

881. I know when something's wrong.

882. Janet...

883. will be home tomorrow.

884. Everything...

885. will be fine.

886. Lisa, you have no idea how scary this is.

887. You don't have to worry about anything

888. because your mom's already been murdered.

889. Ah. You have a point there.

890. - I'm sorry. - No.

891. You're right.

892. Oh, my God.

893. I have to go tell Dad.

894. Shit.

895. - Mm, mm.

896. Oh, thank you. That's helping.

897. Mm-hmm.

898. My Aunt Shelley gave it to me for Christmas.

899. She said it might improve my personality.

900. You want me to do you?

901. Do you, um...

902. do you feel anything in your body?

903. Must be kind of uncomfortable sleeping in the closet.

904. Yes, uh, she left Monday

905. at approximately 4:00 p.m.

906. Uh, hair...

907. Um, kind of multicolored?

908. Brown... -No, it-it's more like, you know,

909. like a... like a Labrador when you see it at the park,

910. and the sun just hits it...

911. just right and...

912. you can see its chocolatey brown coat

913. and it has, like, highlights of, like, red.

914. It's so beautiful.

915. Uh, yeah.

916. So...

917. Right, brown.

918. We're running out of time. They're gonna find Janet.

919. I'm feeling...

920. very tense, like, a lot of stress tension.

921. Oh.

922. Her eye color?

923. She has hazel eyes.

924. But she wears green contact lenses

925. to enhance them and, um...

926. she has a manicure, French manicure, square.

927. You know, um...

928. people don't always put that on their back.

929. Hmm?

930. Sometimes they use it...

931. other places.

932. She has a cross pendant, and she's wearing

933. Elizabeth Taylor White Diamonds perfume.

934. Yeah. Yeah.

935. She's a bitch.

936. - Shh.

937. We could, like...

938. try it if you want.

939. Hmm?

940. She's just, uh, an unselfish person.

941. - But I always say,

942. "Better safe than sorry." Right?

943. Okey-doke.

944. Yeah. You, too.

945. Oh, my God!

946. What if she's dead?

947. Oh, for heaven's sake, Taff.

948. I once called a psychic hotline,

949. and the lady who answered— she was an actual Jamaican—

950. told me that my mother and I share a heart.

951. And I actually feel like something's wrong.

952. Well, let-let-let's not assume the worst.

953. She's probably off in some bar having a Dirty Banana.

954. - And you know

955. what song she's plugging into that jukebox.

956. "Kokomo."

957. - "Kokomo."

958. That's right.

959. After my mom died, everyone was in such a hurry

960. to go back to normal.

961. And they kept acting like I had a problem

962. because I couldn't stop missing her.

963. Started to feel like I was going crazy.

964. I thought that was gonna last forever,

965. but it didn't, you know?

966. And pretty soon, everybody...

967. seemed like they were almost excited

968. to move on and forget about her.

969. They kept saying,

970. "Time heals all wounds."

971. But that's a lie.

972. Time is the wound.

973. Takes you further and further

974. from that place when you were happy.

975. Makes those good smells go away.

976. People are so afraid of death...

977. 'cause they don't know when it's gonna happen to them.

978. It could be an axe murderer, could be the flu,

979. but they don't know and they hate that, so...

980. I'm not afraid of death anymore.

981. Mm-mm.

982. But I don't want to die a virgin.

983. Did you?

984. Oh, come on. You're not gonna tell me?

985. Mm-mm.

986. Excuse me.

987. I tell you everything.

988. - One?

989. Wow.

990. Just once?

991. Hmm.

992. That's crazy.

993. Did you love her?

994. Mm-hmm.

995. Mm.

996. I want that.

997. I want to do it with someone I truly love.

998. Like...

999. Michael Trent.

1000. Oh, my God. I'm gonna do it.

1001. I'm gonna do it.

1002. I mean, we don't know what's gonna happen.

1003. We killed two people.

1004. I could get the clink for life or the electric chair.

1005. God. That's like a tanning bed but for criminals.

1006. Mm. I'm just gonna do it tomorrow.

1007. I'm just gonna offer my body to him.

1008. Taffy says that you have to show guys you love them

1009. instead of telling them, and I...

1010. You know, I think it's a pretty good idea.

1011. What do you think?

1012. Mm.

1013. I knew you'd think so.

1014. You're so supportive.

1015. Well...

1016. I love our conversations.

1017. Yeah.

1018. Good night.

1019. That's my costume from Miss Tristate Teen Halloween.

1020. Okay if I wear it?

1021. Yeah.

1022. Why would I care?

1023. I'm sorry, Lisa. I don't mean to be rude.

1024. I just didn't get much sleep last night.

1025. Any news about your mom?

1026. No.

1027. But that's a good thing, right?

1028. Yes. Yes.

1029. It means nothing bad happened.

1030. Eh...

1031. How about I drive, since you're not feeling so good?

1032. - Okay? - Yeah.

1033. Your boobs look great, by the way.

1034. Did something happen?

1035. I don't know.

1036. - Taff!

1037. Aw.

1038. Have you heard anything? Did they find her?

1039. No.

1040. Wh-What's going on?

1041. A kid might have been murdered.

1042. Doug Moranz?

1043. Wh-Who's that?

1044. I don't know. I think he's a junior?

1045. None of us know him.

1046. He's a "not pictured."

1047. But I guess he didn't come home last night.

1048. They've got a search party out.

1049. Trevor Miggs told me. His dad's a detective.

1050. This is just too freaking much.

1051. I have PMS and everything.

1052. - Aw. - I need to go home and veg.

1053. Lis, I'm-I'm going to cut, okay?

1054. Please have Daddy call the office.

1055. I-I'm sure they'll be okay with it.

1056. Oh, crap.

1057. Can one of you guys bring Lisa home at the end of the day?

1058. - Um...

1059. Oh, it's fine.

1060. I'll walk, Taff.

1061. You're sure?

1062. Bye.

1063. Sosnouski?

1064. Present.

1065. Tepper?

1066. Here.

1067. Trent?

1068. Trent? Michael Trent?

1069. Will Lisa Swallows

1070. come to the office, please?

1071. Lisa Swallows to the principal's office.

1072. Dress code violation.

1073. Slut penalty.

1074. Ew.

1075. Take a seat, Miss Swallows.

1076. As you may have heard, it's been a difficult day.

1077. A student is missing.

1078. We were wondering if you know of anything

1079. about the disappearance of Doug Moranz.

1080. We know he was a friend of yours.

1081. He was just my lab partner.

1082. Well, this young lady here says that you had plans

1083. to meet up with Doug after school yesterday.

1084. Can you tell us what you saw again?

1085. Yeah, um, I have the locker right next to Doug's,

1086. so when I went to get something that I forgot,

1087. I saw her slip a note into his locker.

1088. It said that Lisa

1089. wanted Doug to meet her at Papoose after school.

1090. - And did he meet you there? No.

1091. - He stood me up. Well, that's funny,

1092. 'cause we have multiple witnesses

1093. saying they saw a young man

1094. with the description of Doug at Papoose Lake.

1095. One witness said he saw a girl with your description.

1096. There's lots of girls who look like me.

1097. Specifically mentioning someone with a funny walk,

1098. thick ankles.

1099. - What?

1100. Hey, Janet, are you home?

1101. Suki from down the street just came into work

1102. and said she saw your car over on Glenview Terrace.

1103. Hey, uh, maybe we can squeeze in a little "Kokomo"

1104. before the girls get home.

1105. Wait for me.

1106. You should check her purse. I bet it's chock-full of drugs.

1107. Are you... are you kidding me right now?

1108. She's off her rocker!

1109. She needs help!

1110. You know there's a rumor that she killed her own mother.

1111. - What? You shut up! - So I would check...

1112. Stop it! -All right, all right, all right.

1113. Pull harder.

1114. What are you, a little fruitcake, huh?

1115. Oh, hell no. What the hell?

1116. Hey!

1117. Hey, you!

1118. I'm not making any more comments.

1119. You can talk to my lawyer.

1120. Really hope this goth phase ends soon.

1121. What are you doing there? Huh?

1122. This is my neighborhood.

1123. And you don't need to be here.

1124. So carry your ass on out,

1125. or me and you gonna go after it right here.

1126. God...

1127. Goddamn it!

1128. That good-for-nothing, nosy bitch!

1129. Ugh.

1130. What are you doing?

1131. Shit is transpiring, man.

1132. You have to take me to Michael's.

1133. He cut fourth period.

1134. When he cuts, he either goes to Rocky Rococo's

1135. or he goes home, and his car was not at Rocky Rococo's.

1136. Why is this Club bloody?

1137. Did you beat someone with The Club?

1138. It's not that kind of club, man.

1139. It's an anti-theft device.

1140. Turn right on Hawthorne.

1141. Right here.

1142. What are you doing?

1143. You don't think I should do it?

1144. It's 1989.

1145. People have sex out of wedlock all the time these days.

1146. Plus, I have a contraceptive sponge in my purse.

1147. - It's enormous.

1148. It's your fault we're screwed.

1149. You killed Janet. It wasn't my idea.

1150. Okay, going after Doug was my idea

1151. but only because killing Janet felt really good

1152. and I was just an accomplice.

1153. But now you're out of control.

1154. You're beating people up, driving around in plain sight.

1155. There's probably an APB out on this vehicle.

1156. You don't even know what that is.

1157. You probably drove one of those stupid

1158. old-fashioned bicycles with the one big wheel.

1159. You did.

1160. Take me to Michael's.

1161. It's not a horse and carriage, for God's sake.

1162. There it is.

1163. It's the redbrick colonial.

1164. I've driven past here so many times.

1165. He's home.

1166. Okay.

1167. You know...

1168. you act like you're happy for me

1169. and you care about me,

1170. but you're not really happy for me.

1171. We're gonna talk about this after.

1172. Stay in the car.

1173. Don't let anyone see you.

1174. I'm sorry if this is too much.

1175. I know it's all so new.

1176. Things have been moving fast

1177. ever since the party, but I want that.

1178. Even if we're from different worlds?

1179. That's what makes it magic.

1180. You're just so cute, sweet, pure.

1181. I'm so dark and screwed up.

1182. - It's called polarity.

1183. I'm really sorry, I just...

1184. Oscar Wilde said, "To define is to limit."

1185. Are you the crimper police?

1186. Are you from Conair PD?

1187. - Oh, my God, Lisa! - Holy...

1188. "Sisters share," huh?

1189. You have everything!

1190. You couldn't let me have this one thing?

1191. You knew I liked him,

1192. and you went after him on purpose.

1193. Not on purpose. I swear, I would never do that to you.

1194. It's just... guys usually only want me for one thing.

1195. Yeah, and you just gave it out

1196. like a cheese cube from Hickory Farms.

1197. He made me feel like I was more than

1198. just a stupid cheerleader.

1199. Yeah, y-you can't blame her, kiddo.

1200. It just was never gonna work out between us.

1201. I-I don't have feelings for you like that.

1202. - I'm sorry. Why?

1203. Because I'm not sweet and simple like her?

1204. Not enough polarity for you, Werner Heisenberg?

1205. You like cool movies and music and stuff,

1206. but only for you.

1207. You want to be the smart one who likes cool stuff,

1208. and you don't want your girlfriend to like cool stuff.

1209. Do you know how uncool that is?

1210. Uh, you're not making any sense.

1211. - Oh, my gosh. - Who...

1212. What-What's going on? Dude.

1213. No! Stop it! God, don't hurt her!

1214. What is wrong with you?

1215. - Okay, okay.

1216. - It's okay. One step.

1217. Right foot, left foot. Hold my hand. Hold my hand.

1218. I know where he's going.

1219. No! Stay.

1220. Good, good, good.

1221. - Hands inside.

1222. Okay. Okay.

1223. It's okay.

1224. There he is.

1225. Hey.

1226. - No, I wanted...

1227. Thank you for being nice to me when no one else was.

1228. I did notice.

1229. It's just that your mom was so heinous

1230. that I-I'd already decided that you were, too.

1231. You're the type of person who usually bullies me

1232. or looks right through me.

1233. But you didn't.

1234. You actually went out of your way

1235. to try to tell people I was part of your family.

1236. You really actually wanted me to be your sister.

1237. by Pixies playing)

1238. You are, you know?

1239. You are my sister.

1240. You're a great person, Taff.

1241. And I'm sorry...

1242. I hurt you.

1243. I love you.

1244. You love me?

1245. You love me?

1246. Listen, we're running out of time.

1247. Make love to me.

1248. What? Why not?

1249. Why not?

1250. Oh.

1251. Oh. Oh.

1252. Why didn't you tell me?

1253. Well...

1254. That's okay. We can...

1255. I mean, you don't need one of those to be a man.

1256. It's actually, like, the least important part, really.

1257. We can do other things, and it's fine, it's fine.

1258. Oh! Oh.

1259. Michael's... Oh.

1260. You cut it off for me?

1261. Oh, my God.

1262. Hey, this is an active crime scene.

1263. You guys can't be here.

1264. Oh, my... Oh! Oh, no.

1265. Oh, no, no.

1266. No! No!

1267. There's no other way.

1268. No.

1269. Don't cry.

1270. I don't know how I was ever afraid of you.

1271. Quick.

1272. Make sure you set it to "max bronze."

1273. I knew there was something very odd about her.

1274. There was just no sweetness.

1275. - You know? - I can't believe it.

1276. What do you think happened?

1277. - Is everybody out? - I hope so.

1278. Bitchin'.

1279. Who left all those flowers?

1280. Does, like, a groundskeeper do that?

1281. No, not that I know of.

1282. Maybe a friend.

1283. Unfortunately, it's probably some sicko.

1284. A lot of people fascinated with our family.

1285. What is it?

1286. Nothing.

1287. We came.

1288. Hello, Lisa.

1289. Okay, let's go visit your mom.

1290. Yeah.

1291. And then...

1292. Fuddruckers.

1293. "O Mary dear, that you were here

1294. "With your brown eyes bright and clear.

1295. "And your sweet voice, like a bird

1296. "Singing love to its lone mate

1297. "In the ivory bower disconsolate;

1298. "Voice the sweetest ever heard!

1299. "And your brow more...

1300. "Than the... sky

1301. "Of this azure Italy.

1302. "Mary dear, come to me soon,

1303. "I am not well whilst thou art far;

1304. "As sunset to the sphered moon,

1305. "As twilight to the western star,

1306. "Thou, beloved, art to me.

1307. "O Mary dear, that you were here;

1308. The Castle echo whispers 'Here!'"