1. Remember, the driver must
always see the big picture.Copy !req
2. When driving through puddles
or in heavy rain,Copy !req
3. your tires may begin
to hydroplane—Copy !req
4. actually ride on the water
rather than the pavement.Copy !req
5. if this happens to you,
don't panicCopy !req
6. and especially don't
jam on your brakes.Copy !req
7. In this actual
scientific demonstration,Copy !req
8. we see that in as Iittle
as a quarter inch of water,Copy !req
9. your tires may lose contact
with the surface completely.Copy !req
10. Does your brother have mono
or something?Copy !req
11. He slept through
the entire course.Copy !req
12. No.Copy !req
13. He's just brain dead.Copy !req
14. Mr. Anderson,Copy !req
15. it's punks like you
that paramedics end upCopy !req
16. scraping off the road
at 4:00 in the morning.Copy !req
17. For your sake
and the safety of others,Copy !req
18. I hope you fail
your driving exam.Copy !req
19. Wait up!
Wait up, my bus!Copy !req
20. You know, Dean,Copy !req
21. I can't help wondering: is it ever
going to get that good for me?Copy !req
22. Anderson, the only difference
between you and that greaseballCopy !req
23. is that he has a license
and you don't.Copy !req
24. Whoa whoa whoa!Copy !req
25. Scumbag!Copy !req
26. Get on.
I'll drive you home.Copy !req
27. No way, man. Look, I have
a driver's exam to take Saturday.Copy !req
28. I don't want to get killed.Copy !req
29. Les, your license is just as important
to me as it is to you.Copy !req
30. I'll take it easy.Copy !req
31. Trust me.Copy !req
32. Whoo whoo whoo!
Yeah!Copy !req
33. - Watch out, watch out!
- Dean, Dean!Copy !req
34. I'll get you, you little brat!Copy !req
35. - Ah, Dean!Copy !req
36. Whoo! Ha ha!Copy !req
37. - Whoa!
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
38. There you go—
front-door service.Copy !req
39. Great, thanks.Copy !req
40. Wow.Copy !req
41. - Whose Caddy?
- It's my grandfather's.Copy !req
42. 16 years old, man.Copy !req
43. It only has 20,000 miles on it.Copy !req
44. Wow, what's it doing here?Copy !req
45. Well, my granddad's
afraid to take it on long trips,Copy !req
46. so he borrowed my dad's car
for a week.Copy !req
47. Do you know this boat
would kick ass up at Archie's?Copy !req
48. Do you think there's any chance
we could get it Saturday night?Copy !req
49. - Not a chance in hell, Dean.
- No way.Copy !req
50. Hey, Dad, what's up?Copy !req
51. Well, I'm just cleaning
out the garage here,Copy !req
52. making some room
for the old boat.Copy !req
53. What do you think, Dean?
As long as you're here,Copy !req
54. - you want to give us a hand, huh?
- Yeah, Deano.Copy !req
55. - Dean?
- You know, I'd love to, Mr. Anderson,Copy !req
56. but I just remembered...Copy !req
57. I'm allergic to dust
and cardboard boxes.Copy !req
58. I gotta go.Copy !req
59. - See you tonight, Les.
- See you tonight, Deano.Copy !req
60. - Take care of that cough, Dean.
- Oh yeah!Copy !req
61. - Dad?
- Yeah?Copy !req
62. Do you think that there's any way
you could tell me for sureCopy !req
63. if I could borrow Mom's car
Saturday night?Copy !req
64. Here's the deal, Les—
first get your license, then we'll talk.Copy !req
65. You want the broccoli?Copy !req
66. Yes.
You want the broccoli.Copy !req
67. All right, what nice happened
to who today?Copy !req
68. What interesting news?Copy !req
69. For your information,
this is exactly what I ateCopy !req
70. when I was pregnant with all of you.
You turned out okay.Copy !req
71. - Dad?
- Yeah?Copy !req
72. Did you, um, look at
the brochure I gave you?Copy !req
73. - You bet.
- What'd you think?Copy !req
74. Well, a $23,000 BMW
for a 16-year-old kidCopy !req
75. who's never had a job
a day in his life?Copy !req
76. I think it's a great idea.Copy !req
77. Look, Dad, the car
wouldn't only be for me.Copy !req
78. I mean she can use it too.Copy !req
79. Don't include me
in your obsession.Copy !req
80. Les, isn't it premature to be talking
about getting a car?Copy !req
81. You just finished your driver's ed
course two hours ago.Copy !req
82. Karl says that in America
people are misled to believeCopy !req
83. that a car represents
freedom and individuality.Copy !req
84. - Right.
- When in essence,Copy !req
85. it is more oppressive
than anything else,Copy !req
86. burdening the individual
with such materialist costs as—Copy !req
87. Wait, who cares what
your commie boyfriend thinks?Copy !req
88. I see it's great
to be an American.Copy !req
89. - I agree.
- Yes.Copy !req
90. This is the most oppressive
environment a child could be raised in.Copy !req
91. Natalie, one day soon
it will all be over.Copy !req
92. You'll go away.Copy !req
93. All right, I'm out of here.Copy !req
94. Hey, buddy, down!Copy !req
95. Come on!
Yo, Les, let's go!Copy !req
96. Les, come on,
get your butt down here!Copy !req
97. Les!Copy !req
98. - Get down here, Les.Copy !req
99. - Get out!
- Out!Copy !req
100. Right. I'll see you later.Copy !req
101. Mom, what are you doing?Copy !req
102. Wait. Duck down, duck down!
Mom! Mom!Copy !req
103. No, don't stop here.
Go go.Copy !req
104. ls something wrong
with the car, Dean?Copy !req
105. No, it's not the car, it's you.
You're driving.Copy !req
106. - Please just go.
- All right.Copy !req
107. Thanks, Mom.
Drive safely.Copy !req
108. Hey, dweebs! Does Mommy
hold your dicks when you piss?Copy !req
109. I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't introduce you.
Those are my friends.Copy !req
110. - Oh, okay.
- We'll call. Good night, Mom.Copy !req
111. Good night.Copy !req
112. Thanks, Mom.Copy !req
113. Good night, honey.Copy !req
114. - lgnore him.
- Bye, Mom!Copy !req
115. - Be careful!
- Hey, guys!Copy !req
116. Hey hey, guys.
Where are you going? Guys?Copy !req
117. Hey, guys,
it's me, Charles!Copy !req
118. Oh baby.Copy !req
119. Hey, do you ever wonder
what kind of carCopy !req
120. some of these babes
would lose their virginity in?Copy !req
121. You never cease
to amaze me, Deano.Copy !req
122. No, seriously. Okay, look at
Cheryl Lieberman, for instance.Copy !req
123. A vw convertible.Copy !req
124. Cheryl Lieberman?
Trans Am.Copy !req
125. Okay, Beth McLain.Copy !req
126. A Volvo. No, wait wait.
A station wagon.Copy !req
127. Okay, I got one for you—
Bonnie Dupa.Copy !req
128. A cargo van.Copy !req
129. A garbage truck.Copy !req
130. Mercedes.Copy !req
131. Mercedes Lane.Copy !req
132. Oh, I've bumped into her
a million times.Copy !req
133. She's never bumped
into me once.Copy !req
134. - Come here.
- No, listen, you don't own me.Copy !req
135. Women have rights
in this country.Copy !req
136. Not like Kuwait or Pakistan
where they worship their men.Copy !req
137. Mercedes, it has nothing
to do with worship.Copy !req
138. It has to do with going
to parties with kids.Copy !req
139. I happen to go to school
with these kids.Copy !req
140. - I have friends here.
- Friends, yes.Copy !req
141. Friends, okay.
But this— this is children.Copy !req
142. They can do nothing for you.Copy !req
143. Mercedes,
I'm beginning to, um...Copy !req
144. uh, perspire.Copy !req
145. Now, you know
that I hate to perspire.Copy !req
146. Now let us go, huh?Copy !req
147. I think that I can find
my own way home, thank you.Copy !req
148. Don't do this, Mercedes.Copy !req
149. And Paolo, if you're wondering
about Saturday night,Copy !req
150. I just remembered
I already have a date.Copy !req
151. You have a date?
With who?Copy !req
152. - With him.
- With me?Copy !req
153. Didn't we make arrangements?Copy !req
154. Yeah, l—
I believe so.Copy !req
155. But nothing was final.Copy !req
156. Well, now they're final.Copy !req
157. Ciao.Copy !req
158. Hey, watch it!Copy !req
159. Thanks.Copy !req
160. I can't believe Brian
dropped the ball.Copy !req
161. Les, I have the answer.Copy !req
162. Why don't you just ask
her to make sure?Copy !req
163. Look, I'd love to, Charles,
but I can't talk to somethingCopy !req
164. I can't see, right?
I mean, come on, guys.Copy !req
165. Last night was the closest any
of us have ever been to her.Copy !req
166. Well, you're in luck, lover boy,Copy !req
167. 'cause she's sitting down
right over there.Copy !req
168. Wait, wait, Dean,
I can't do it, man.Copy !req
169. Go on, ask her.Copy !req
170. if you're lucky she'll bite.Copy !req
171. Go for it!Copy !req
172. - Les!Copy !req
173. Les?Copy !req
174. Les, it's me, Papa.Copy !req
175. - Les, wait up.Copy !req
176. Where you going?Copy !req
177. Les.Copy !req
178. Les, what's the matter?Copy !req
179. ls there something wrong
with having a father these days?Copy !req
180. Dad, what are you doing here?Copy !req
181. I had to run some errands
for your mom after workCopy !req
182. and I thought I'd stop by
and take you driving.Copy !req
183. I figure if you can handle this cruiser,
you can handle anything.Copy !req
184. What about Grandpa?Copy !req
185. What about Grandpa? Who knows
what he's doing with my car?Copy !req
186. - Get in.
- Yeah!Copy !req
187. - Uh, Dad, here comes a stop sign.
- Nice call.Copy !req
188. - That's a good one.Copy !req
189. Why don't we make a right turn
right here?Copy !req
190. What?Copy !req
191. Dad, I have to ask you for a favor
and you can say no,Copy !req
192. but I will never ever ask you
for another favor as long as I live.Copy !req
193. Les, you know that's a lie.Copy !req
194. Okay, you see that girl
over there walking?Copy !req
195. Dad, that is the girl
of my dreams.Copy !req
196. Okay okay.
Let's give her a cruise.Copy !req
197. Dad!
Dad, shh. Look.Copy !req
198. She just asked me
out last night, Dad.Copy !req
199. - Yeah.
- Okay?Copy !req
200. Now if I drove by herCopy !req
201. with you in the car with me—Copy !req
202. no offense, it just wouldn't work.
You understand.Copy !req
203. Les, you're asking me to let you
drive this car aloneCopy !req
204. without a license.
Are you crazy?Copy !req
205. Dad, I'm just gonna go up to her,
circle around,Copy !req
206. maybe at the least say hello to her
and come right back to you.Copy !req
207. Two minutes.
I'll be careful, Dad.Copy !req
208. - Sure.
- Thanks.Copy !req
209. - Be careful.
- I will. I promise I will.Copy !req
210. - I trust you.
- Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
211. - Oh, and Dad? Dad?
- Yeah?Copy !req
212. Would— would you mind?Copy !req
213. - Mercedes.Copy !req
214. Mercedes?
Les AndersonCopy !req
215. from the party last night?Copy !req
216. Oh. Oh hi.Copy !req
217. I'm sorry.
I didn't recognize you.Copy !req
218. Hop in, I'll give you a lift.Copy !req
219. - Sure.
- Hold on.Copy !req
220. After you, madame.Copy !req
221. Okay, so which house is yours?Copy !req
222. - Third one on the left.
- Okay.Copy !req
223. But I'm not going home.Copy !req
224. Where are you going?Copy !req
225. To a friend's house in Cedarwood.Copy !req
226. You don't mind, do you?Copy !req
227. Not at all.Copy !req
228. Les?Copy !req
229. Les!Copy !req
230. Thanks a lot.Copy !req
231. Wait wait.
Mercedes. Mercedes.Copy !req
232. Last night at the party,Copy !req
233. well, you kind of mentioned
something about, um...Copy !req
234. me and you maybe going out
Saturday night.Copy !req
235. Anyway, I was just wonderingCopy !req
236. if it was still on.Copy !req
237. Sure, call me tomorrow.Copy !req
238. Wait wait, let me give you my number
in case something comes up.Copy !req
239. - Here, write it on this.
- Great.Copy !req
240. Thanks a lot for the ride, Les.Copy !req
241. No, um, problem.Copy !req
242. How could you do it, Les?Copy !req
243. What were you thinking about?
I don't believe it.Copy !req
244. I mean, not only did you break
your explicit promise to me,Copy !req
245. but you used up
your last favor.Copy !req
246. I suppose you know
where this leaves you, don't you?Copy !req
247. - Not in good shape?
- That's right.Copy !req
248. Look, Dad, just let me
explain it to you, okay?Copy !req
249. Look, Dad, she told me that she
Iived three houses down.Copy !req
250. I thought I was
taking her home.Copy !req
251. Why didn't you just
tell her the truth?Copy !req
252. Tell Mercedes Lane the truthCopy !req
253. that Les Anderson
doesn't have a license?Copy !req
254. Yes.Copy !req
255. And risk her having a heart attack
from laughing so hard at me?Copy !req
256. Her?
Her having a heart attack?Copy !req
257. Look, Dad, please please
just put yourself in my shoes.Copy !req
258. Look, you're upsetting
your mother.Copy !req
259. She's pregnant, you know?Copy !req
260. Do you understand what happensCopy !req
261. if you get caught
driving without a license?Copy !req
262. They make you wait two years
before you can take the test again.Copy !req
263. That's 24 months.
That's an awful lot of bus rides.Copy !req
264. Relax, Deano.
Look, I didn't get caught.Copy !req
265. And you know what? You would have
done the exact same thing that I did.Copy !req
266. Now did you guys come over here
to ask me some questions or what?Copy !req
267. Ah, here's one.Copy !req
268. "How can you identify
a blind pedestrianCopy !req
269. to whom you must yield
the right of way?"Copy !req
270. This is a complete waste of time.Copy !req
271. I mean it's not like you just moved
here from Bedrock or something.Copy !req
272. You've been a passenger
in a car all your life.Copy !req
273. And what is this shit?Copy !req
274. Natalie!Copy !req
275. Hey, Natalie,
I was wondering,Copy !req
276. if you're driving
55 miles per hourCopy !req
277. and you collide
with a runaway train,Copy !req
278. would it make any improvements
on your face?Copy !req
279. Aha ha ha!Copy !req
280. Good luck on your exam
tomorrow, Einstein.Copy !req
281. Good afternoon, children.Copy !req
282. In the next 20 minutes,
you will be given 30 questions.Copy !req
283. Anything over five mistakes
will be considered a failing grade.Copy !req
284. We'll begin at the sound
of the bell.Copy !req
285. - Begin.Copy !req
286. Welcome to the Department
of Motor Vehicles Drivers' Test.Copy !req
287. Press start to begin.Copy !req
288. - Ha!
- Question 1 :Copy !req
289. What should you do if you
miss your exit from an expressway?Copy !req
290. A: Jam on the brakes
and back up;Copy !req
291. B: Make a quick U-turn;Copy !req
292. C: Go on to the next one.Copy !req
293. - Correct.Copy !req
294. Ha!Copy !req
295. Question 2: Which is usually
the smoothest lane of traffic?Copy !req
296. Why don't they just
give licenses away?Copy !req
297. - Incorrect.Copy !req
298. What?Copy !req
299. Ahem.Copy !req
300. Question 3: You must look
for bicycle ridersCopy !req
301. in the same lanes used by
motor vehicles because theyCopy !req
302. A: Must ride facing
oncoming traffic;Copy !req
303. B: Are entitled to share
the road with you;Copy !req
304. C: Always have
the right of way.Copy !req
305. - Incorrect.Copy !req
306. When driving through
fog or rain, it is advisable...Copy !req
307. Question 9:Copy !req
308. When backing out of
an angled parking place...Copy !req
309. - Incorrect.Copy !req
310. - ... blink your turn signals regularly.
- Continue Iooking through your...Copy !req
311. - Question 21 ...
- ... turn on your headlights...Copy !req
312. - ... blow your horn...Copy !req
313. - ... shoulder and back slowly...
- C: Stop.Copy !req
314. - Incorrect.Copy !req
315. Warning. One more wrong
and you fail.Copy !req
316. Finished.Copy !req
317. Question 26:Copy !req
318. At 55 miles per hour, you come
upon a large puddle of water.Copy !req
319. Do you A: Pump the brakes;Copy !req
320. B: Gently ease your foot
off the gas pedal;Copy !req
321. C: Accelerate?Copy !req
322. - Incorrect.Copy !req
323. You have failed.Copy !req
324. Damn!Copy !req
325. - Girl: What happened?
- Girl #2: I lost my screen.Copy !req
326. - What's going on?
- Man: Excuse me, but...Copy !req
327. What about the test?Copy !req
328. Mr. Anderson. Mr. Anderson.
Mr. Anderson.Copy !req
329. Oh, Mr. Anderson.Copy !req
330. You can thank your sister
for this one.Copy !req
331. - I can?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
332. Due to a computer malfunction,Copy !req
333. we are unable to search
the system's memoryCopy !req
334. for your test results.Copy !req
335. However, since your sister
received a perfect score,Copy !req
336. we are going to pass you
and allow you to take your road test.Copy !req
337. I mean how different can you
and your twin sister actually be?Copy !req
338. - Wait a minute.Copy !req
339. Stand back, children. Don't crowd me.
I'm a Iiving time bomb.Copy !req
340. - Okay.
- Hi.Copy !req
341. Last name first,
first name last.Copy !req
342. Anderson— Les Anderson.Copy !req
343. Buckle up, son.
This is the real world out here.Copy !req
344. Now, Anderson,Copy !req
345. I want you to take
a long hard lookCopy !req
346. at this cup of coffee.Copy !req
347. Now, I love my coffee.Copy !req
348. It's probably the one thing
I truly do cherishCopy !req
349. on this God-forsaken mudball
called Earth.Copy !req
350. Now, what I'm trying to sayCopy !req
351. is that most examiners
use a clipboard.Copy !req
352. I don't believe in 'em.Copy !req
353. What I do believe in
is my cup of coffee.Copy !req
354. Now that coffee's hot,
filled right to the brim.Copy !req
355. If it spilled on me,
it'd probably burn me, huh?Copy !req
356. - Speak up, son!
- Yeah yeah.Copy !req
357. - Nobody likes to get burned, do they?
- No.Copy !req
358. So it's real simple.Copy !req
359. You burn me, you fail.Copy !req
360. You don't, you pass.Copy !req
361. It's as simple as that.Copy !req
362. All right, Anderson,Copy !req
363. let's start off
with some light traffic.Copy !req
364. Now I want you
to get over in that lane. Now.Copy !req
365. Very good, Natalie.Copy !req
366. Now why don't you
head up to the left here?Copy !req
367. Let's see how you
handle this hill.Copy !req
368. Very good.Copy !req
369. Anderson, let's pull
to a stop right here.Copy !req
370. Here?Copy !req
371. What the heck's wrong with him?Copy !req
372. Every time I come up this road,
there's some idiot kid.Copy !req
373. Come on, you little moron.Copy !req
374. What are you waiting for,
son, Christmas?Copy !req
375. I have a strobe light for you
to get that thing moving.Copy !req
376. Ha ha!Copy !req
377. Okay, Natalie, I'd like you
stop right next to this car here.Copy !req
378. Good.Copy !req
379. Now why don't you
parallel park right here?Copy !req
380. Very, very, very good.Copy !req
381. Okay, Anderson, I want you to
make a parallel park right in here.Copy !req
382. - In there?
- What am l, speaking Greek?Copy !req
383. In here.Copy !req
384. Ha!Copy !req
385. Congratulations,
here's your license.Copy !req
386. - Please drive safely.
- Thanks.Copy !req
387. - Good morning, how are you?
- Lousy.Copy !req
388. - I got it! I got it!Copy !req
389. Slow down.Copy !req
390. You're in luck, Anderson.Copy !req
391. The cup was empty.Copy !req
392. See you on
the battlefield sometime, soldier.Copy !req
393. Congratulations.
Here's your license.Copy !req
394. And please drive safely.Copy !req
395. Uh, Mr. Anderson,
just a minute.Copy !req
396. Someone wants
to speak with you.Copy !req
397. Well, Mr. Anderson,Copy !req
398. we were able to retrieve your test
results from the computer.Copy !req
399. And I suppose
you already know,Copy !req
400. you failed.Copy !req
401. God giveth
and the DMV taketh away.Copy !req
402. You mustn't fuck with the Department
of Motor Vehicles, Mr. Anderson.Copy !req
403. We can make your life
a Iiving hell.Copy !req
404. - Next.Copy !req
405. - Mom: Hi!
- Dad: Hi, we're home.Copy !req
406. - Where's Les?
- Where is everybody?Copy !req
407. - Please, we'll keep the classic—
- Yeah, no.Copy !req
408. - Mom? Dad?
- Yeah, in here.Copy !req
409. In here. Shh.Copy !req
410. Mom, Dad? Hi.Copy !req
411. Yeah. Hi, sport.
What's the good word?Copy !req
412. Um...Copy !req
413. I have to tell you
guys something.Copy !req
414. Oh no, you put a dent
in the car already, huh?Copy !req
415. What is it, honey?Copy !req
416. Um...Copy !req
417. - I—
- What?Copy !req
418. - What?
- Oh, mmm.Copy !req
419. - Yes.
- Yay!Copy !req
420. - Congratulations.
- Thank you.Copy !req
421. So tell me about it.
Was it murder? Was it tough?Copy !req
422. Murder? No, not at all, Dad.
It was like taking candy from a baby.Copy !req
423. That's great. Look, I filled
your mom's car up with some gasCopy !req
424. just in case you felt like
taking it for a little spin.Copy !req
425. - Oh, how sweet.
- Huh?Copy !req
426. Well, Dad, I was kind of thinking
about maybe going to my roomCopy !req
427. and taking a little nap.
I'm exhausted.Copy !req
428. Honey, what is wrong with you?
Say, "Ahhh!"Copy !req
429. Mom, come on,
what could be wrong with me?Copy !req
430. - This is the greatest day of my life.
- I know.Copy !req
431. So why don't you want to take
advantage of your father's senilityCopy !req
432. and take my car out
for a Iittle spin?Copy !req
433. - Go ahead.
- Go ahead.Copy !req
434. I don't know if you guys
remember or not,Copy !req
435. but 16 years of waiting
and dreaming is a lot of pressure.Copy !req
436. And I'm not sure that
being behind the wheel of a carCopy !req
437. is the right place for me
to be right now.Copy !req
438. - Hello?Copy !req
439. Did you hear that?
You did it, man. How does it feel?Copy !req
440. Dean, baby.
Hey, what's going on?Copy !req
441. Hold on a second,
I'm looking for my car keys.Copy !req
442. Found 'em right here
next to my AAA card.Copy !req
443. Great. Now come over
and pick us up.Copy !req
444. Uh, I can't.Copy !req
445. Of course you can.
You can do anything, Les.Copy !req
446. - You have a license.
- What?Copy !req
447. See that, Dean?
My mom's calling me.Copy !req
448. They're already asking me
to run errands. I have to go.Copy !req
449. Okay? Goodbye.Copy !req
450. "Test failed"?Copy !req
451. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Robert?Copy !req
452. All right, Mercedes!
Ha ha! Yeah.Copy !req
453. Well, you know.
Lower it, lower it. It's ringing.Copy !req
454. Lower it.
Come here.Copy !req
455. Hello?Copy !req
456. Rudy, Mom's got brownies
in the kitchen.Copy !req
457. - Go, hurry. Quick quick quick.
- But—Copy !req
458. - Dad, what do you need?
- Les, my boy,Copy !req
459. we're drinking a toast to you.Copy !req
460. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
461. Hello?Copy !req
462. Dad, you know,
that's really thoughtful of you,Copy !req
463. but you know I shouldn't be
drinking and driving.Copy !req
464. I know that, Les.
I know that.Copy !req
465. Have a drink.
You just saved me $26,000.Copy !req
466. What?Copy !req
467. First raise your glass.Copy !req
468. To saving me
26,000 buckaroonies.Copy !req
469. - Huh?
- How'd I do that, Dad?Copy !req
470. It's simple—
$23,000 for the BMW,Copy !req
471. $3,000 for the insurance.Copy !req
472. - I don't get it.
- No?Copy !req
473. - No.
- Get it?Copy !req
474. He failed?Copy !req
475. He failed and he lied.Copy !req
476. Look, Dad,Copy !req
477. I just figured that I could
get through the weekendCopy !req
478. and then take it over Monday,
you know?Copy !req
479. I know what you figured.Copy !req
480. Listen, you're grounded
for two weeks.Copy !req
481. It's not the end of the world.Copy !req
482. - Feels like it.Copy !req
483. - Good evening, Karl.
- Good evening, Mrs. Anderson.Copy !req
484. ls Natasha at home?Copy !req
485. She'll be down in a second.Copy !req
486. - How are you feeling?
- Fine, fine.Copy !req
487. - Fine, thank you.
- I admire you.Copy !req
488. I really admire
you for having the courageCopy !req
489. to bring a child
into this oppressive world.Copy !req
490. - And let me just say—
- Natalie!Copy !req
491. Hmm.Copy !req
492. Natasha, we're going to a protest.Copy !req
493. Do we have to take your mother's
imperialist gas-guzzler?Copy !req
494. Would you rather take
my grandfather's Cadillac?Copy !req
495. Hello?Copy !req
496. Hi, is Les in, please?Copy !req
497. Yeah, this is Les.Copy !req
498. Hi, this is Mercedes.Copy !req
499. Do you remember me?Copy !req
500. Remember you? Yeah, of course.
Hi. How are you?Copy !req
501. Actually I'm a little lonely.Copy !req
502. I thought that we had
a date tonightCopy !req
503. and I figured I'd call you
since you hadn't called me.Copy !req
504. Oh, um...
well, I was out all day.Copy !req
505. I was, um, deep-sea fishing.Copy !req
506. So you haven't changed your mind
about tonight, have you?Copy !req
507. Tonight? Now?Copy !req
508. No.Copy !req
509. Great. So you can pick me up
in 20 minutes?Copy !req
510. - Les?
- Hang on.Copy !req
511. An innocent girl,
a harmless drive—Copy !req
512. what could possibly
go wrong?Copy !req
513. Mercedes?Copy !req
514. I'll be there in half an hour.Copy !req
515. Oh man.Copy !req
516. No, no, no.Copy !req
517. No, no, not the bush.Copy !req
518. God.Copy !req
519. Oh.Copy !req
520. - Ah, shit.Copy !req
521. Oh. Ow.Copy !req
522. Oh. Hmm.Copy !req
523. Hmm.Copy !req
524. Hmmm.Copy !req
525. Don't worry, Robert.
It was nothing. Go back to sleep.Copy !req
526. Mmm, that's nice.Copy !req
527. Let's go.Copy !req
528. - Thank you.
- Take good care of my car, pal.Copy !req
529. Yes sir.Copy !req
530. Come on, man, open up.
Let's go.Copy !req
531. - Open the door, Les.
- Come on, man, I don't have all night.Copy !req
532. Did you see that?Copy !req
533. If I let him park my car,
he's gonna ruin my transmission.Copy !req
534. - No way.
- Hey!Copy !req
535. Hey, what about my tip?Copy !req
536. Here we are.Copy !req
537. Wait, we can't park here.
It's a tow-away zone.Copy !req
538. On a Saturday night?Copy !req
539. Les, you're acting like
it's the first time you've ever driven.Copy !req
540. - Hey, baby.
- Hi.Copy !req
541. Hey hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where you going?Copy !req
542. I'm with her.Copy !req
543. You wouldn't be with her
if she was your Siamese twin.Copy !req
544. - Lose yourself, kid.
- Mercedes.Copy !req
545. Hi.Copy !req
546. - Nice to see you.
- How are you?Copy !req
547. Yeah, baby, that's cool.Copy !req
548. Damn it.Copy !req
549. - Paolo.
- Mercedes.Copy !req
550. What a lovely surprise
it is to see you.Copy !req
551. Paolo, I have to talk to you.Copy !req
552. By the way, this is Veronique.Copy !req
553. She's going to be
moving in with me.Copy !req
554. Is this the one you told me about?Copy !req
555. Mmm.
Would you like a drink?Copy !req
556. Paulie, give her a drink.
What are you having?Copy !req
557. Nothing.Copy !req
558. - Hey!
- Mercedes.Copy !req
559. - Hey, hey, are you okay?Copy !req
560. Oh, my God.
My car!Copy !req
561. - Whoa! Jesus!Copy !req
562. Wait, wait!Copy !req
563. Wait, hold up!Copy !req
564. Get off my truck, boy!Copy !req
565. Look, mister, you can't do this
to my car.Copy !req
566. Boy, I've driven with deer,Copy !req
567. antelope, even bear
strapped to that bumper.Copy !req
568. Ain't no 65-pound sack
of fly shit like youCopy !req
569. gonna shake me
a hell of difference.Copy !req
570. Look, I'll pay you.
I'll give you everything I've got.Copy !req
571. - Ah!Copy !req
572. Just how much
you talkin' about?Copy !req
573. Please, sir, be gentle.Copy !req
574. For 80 bucks?Copy !req
575. 80 bucks?Copy !req
576. Would you like
some champagne?Copy !req
577. It might help.Copy !req
578. No thanks.
I already had some tonight.Copy !req
579. I'm really sorry about the car.Copy !req
580. - I feel like it was all my fault.
- Oh, don't be silly.Copy !req
581. I should have given the car
to the valet in the first place.Copy !req
582. I'm sorry about your friend.Copy !req
583. Oh, he was a jerk anyways.Copy !req
584. I don't know why
I even hung around him.Copy !req
585. - Let's get out of here.
- And go where?Copy !req
586. I mean with the amount
of money I have in my pocket,Copy !req
587. we have two choices:Copy !req
588. we can either sit in front
of a parking meter for 20 minutesCopy !req
589. or go buy ourselves
a newspaper.Copy !req
590. Let me tell you, I know a quiet spot
with plenty of free parking.Copy !req
591. Are you sure
there's a road here?Copy !req
592. God.Copy !req
593. Hey, it's amazing up here.Copy !req
594. How'd you ever find this place?Copy !req
595. Someone I know
used to take me here.Copy !req
596. Not a boyfriend.
My father used to take me hereCopy !req
597. to show me how beautiful
the world could beCopy !req
598. if you could step away
and see it at a distance.Copy !req
599. I haven't been here
in a long time.Copy !req
600. No no no, not on the car.Copy !req
601. I mean, I'll get you a blanket.Copy !req
602. You sure come prepared.Copy !req
603. Like a Boy Scout.Copy !req
604. - Les?
- Yes?Copy !req
605. I'm sorry I dragged you
into all this.Copy !req
606. I don't usually act like this.Copy !req
607. No, it's okay.
I don't mind.Copy !req
608. Here you go.Copy !req
609. I'm really glad
I called you tonight.Copy !req
610. Yeah? I'm—
I'm really glad too.Copy !req
611. All we're missing now
is some soft romantic music.Copy !req
612. Hold on.Copy !req
613. Oh, man.Copy !req
614. Oh great,
Grandpa's top 10.Copy !req
615. - Ugh.Copy !req
616. Wait.
Aren't you drinking rather heavily?Copy !req
617. To this?
Uh, yeah. Where?Copy !req
618. Right up here. You couldn't pray
for a more romantic setting.Copy !req
619. Yeah, I guess so.Copy !req
620. Maybe I should
take my shoes off.Copy !req
621. Yeah, good idea.Copy !req
622. Get up! Get off!Copy !req
623. - Get off the car!
- What's the matter, Les?Copy !req
624. The hood, it's caving off.
Get off quick.Copy !req
625. But, Les, I love this song.Copy !req
626. Yeah, well then you've definitely
had too much to drink.Copy !req
627. - Come on, get off.Copy !req
628. Wow, stay here.Copy !req
629. Come on, get in.Copy !req
630. - Oh.
- Shh.Copy !req
631. Look, we've got to get this
thing fixed. SIide over.Copy !req
632. Mercedes, please.Copy !req
633. You have such baby soft skin.Copy !req
634. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
635. Don't worry
about the noise, man.Copy !req
636. My parents are vampires.Copy !req
637. And I'll tell you something—
you have balls.Copy !req
638. You definitely have balls
for snagging this car.Copy !req
639. I'm impressed.Copy !req
640. All right, Les,
let's see the license.Copy !req
641. No way.
Forget it, guys, it's ugly.Copy !req
642. - Of course it is. Big deal.
- Come on, Les.Copy !req
643. - No way.
- Please let me take a picture of it.Copy !req
644. Forget it.Copy !req
645. Don't you think he should
let me take a picture of it?Copy !req
646. - Okay, Charles, okay.
- All right.Copy !req
647. - Say cheese.
- Cheese.Copy !req
648. Great.Copy !req
649. Well, take a look, Les.
What do you think?Copy !req
650. - Excellent work, Dean.
- Thank you.Copy !req
651. I mean, this is spectacular.Copy !req
652. You saved me, man.
Thanks.Copy !req
653. So I guess we can go
to Archie's now?Copy !req
654. Look, Deano, pal,
I promise you next weekend, yeah.Copy !req
655. Fine okay, we can go to Archie's.
But not tonight.Copy !req
656. Look, Mercedes doesn't have to be
home for a couple hours.Copy !req
657. Les, let me explain
something to you here.Copy !req
658. Unless you're into some
intense kinky shit,Copy !req
659. and you never know after tonight,Copy !req
660. this Mercedes has a dead battery.Copy !req
661. Les, we're talking about
Archie's Atomic here, Les.Copy !req
662. You can't get there without a license.
It's in the middle of nowhere.Copy !req
663. No buses, no trains, no planes.Copy !req
664. Only the slickest,
most intense driving machinesCopy !req
665. you've ever seen
in your life.Copy !req
666. I have the directions my brother
gave me in my back pocket.Copy !req
667. You won't regret this.
There's five girls for every guy.Copy !req
668. And we're not talking dogs,
we're talking bunnies.Copy !req
669. Dean, did you wipe your feet off?Copy !req
670. Yes, I wiped the concrete
off my feet.Copy !req
671. Hey, Charles, push in the lighter.
I got a surprise for everybody.Copy !req
672. No way, man.
Not in here. Nuh-uh.Copy !req
673. What's the matter with you, Les?Copy !req
674. This is a car,
it's not an oxygen tent.Copy !req
675. Look, Dean, if there's any evidence
at all that I took this car tonight,Copy !req
676. my dad's going to slaughter me first
and ask questions Iater, okay?Copy !req
677. - What?
- Stop it.Copy !req
678. Hey, Les, this is great and all,Copy !req
679. but could you take the car
out of neutral?Copy !req
680. We just got passed
by a street sweeper.Copy !req
681. Hey, girls, whose car
are you driving, Grandma's?Copy !req
682. Come on, race 'em.Copy !req
683. Yeah, mess with
the faggots, man.Copy !req
684. Get that—Copy !req
685. Go!Copy !req
686. Les, what's the matter with you?Copy !req
687. Are you 16 or 60?Copy !req
688. I mean you could have given
those gearheads a run for their money.Copy !req
689. Look, Dean,
this is my grandfather's car.Copy !req
690. I tell you what— give me a car
that I'm not genetically related to,Copy !req
691. I promise things
will change, okay?Copy !req
692. - Honey!
- What? Okay!Copy !req
693. Okay okay.
Okay, I'm coming.Copy !req
694. Do your breathing.Copy !req
695. Okay.Copy !req
696. Is it hot in here?Copy !req
697. Is it hot or is it just me?Copy !req
698. Hot?Copy !req
699. It's like a sauna in here. Oh.Copy !req
700. Want me to go down to the garage
and turn on the air conditioning?Copy !req
701. No, that's okay.Copy !req
702. I like to just sit here and sweat.Copy !req
703. I'll go down and turn on
the air conditioning.Copy !req
704. Hmm?Copy !req
705. Hmm?Copy !req
706. Mom on intercom:
Hey, Robert?Copy !req
707. Robert?Copy !req
708. Yes?Copy !req
709. I'm not hot anymore,
I'm hungry.Copy !req
710. Will you make me
a sandwich, please?Copy !req
711. Okay, honey.Copy !req
712. - Sardines and pickles, okay?Copy !req
713. You asshole, do up her shirt!Copy !req
714. No way, Les, forget about it.
I mean look at us—Copy !req
715. we're three wild animals
bombing down the highwayCopy !req
716. with the cruise control
set at 55 miles per hour.Copy !req
717. I don't need a ticket
on my first night out.Copy !req
718. God damn it, stop that.Copy !req
719. And what is this crap
we're listening to?Copy !req
720. I mean my parents don't even
listen to this stuff.Copy !req
721. - All right, that's enough.Copy !req
722. - Dean, give me that camera.
- No!Copy !req
723. - Give me it.
- No.Copy !req
724. God damn it, Dean,
it's not your camera.Copy !req
725. - Give me the camera.
- No, no!Copy !req
726. - Guys?
- Give me it.Copy !req
727. - No, no!
- Give me it.Copy !req
728. - Jesus.
- Watch out!Copy !req
729. Oh, we're gonna die.Copy !req
730. Man, I told you
this was gonna happen.Copy !req
731. Shit!Copy !req
732. - Oh!
- Les, stop the car.Copy !req
733. - Uh-oh.Copy !req
734. I think I'm gonna throw up.Copy !req
735. - Get her out of the car quick.
- Help!Copy !req
736. Help!
Help, get her off of me.Copy !req
737. - Not in the car, please.
- I'm trapped.Copy !req
738. Not in the car.Copy !req
739. Hoo!Copy !req
740. Les, I apologize for everything,Copy !req
741. but that ride was definitely
worth the price of admission.Copy !req
742. I mean that makes up
for a whole life of boredom.Copy !req
743. There's a scratch on my car.Copy !req
744. Where?Copy !req
745. Right there! Right here
there's a big old scratch on my car.Copy !req
746. - Hold on, let me see.
- My dad's gonna murder me.Copy !req
747. - Look at this.
- There is no scratch on your car.Copy !req
748. - There is a scratch, Dean.
- A teeny Iittle scratch.Copy !req
749. Your dad is not going
to see that scratch.Copy !req
750. Your dad's a 40-year old guy
who wears glasses,Copy !req
751. not an eagle, okay?
Now listen to me.Copy !req
752. We are two seconds away from
Archie's, do you understand that?Copy !req
753. - Deano, you listen to me.
- Two seconds—Copy !req
754. Two seconds or not two seconds,
watch my Iips.Copy !req
755. We're not going to Archie's.Copy !req
756. We're not driving
in my grandfather's Cadillac anymore.Copy !req
757. We are, in fact,
going home, okay?Copy !req
758. No, it's not okay!
Look at this—Copy !req
759. - You don't look too good.Copy !req
760. We cannot turn around now!Copy !req
761. We'd better get you a soda.Copy !req
762. You have worked really hardCopy !req
763. for that license in your wallet.Copy !req
764. I mean, you have had 16 years
of humiliation,Copy !req
765. begging for lifts from people who
couldn't give a shit about your image.Copy !req
766. Les, you've had
to stand and watchCopy !req
767. as all the pretty girls drove off
in some olderjerk's car.Copy !req
768. Humiliation— I know.
I've been through it.Copy !req
769. But that's all over now.Copy !req
770. Les, that thing in your wallet,Copy !req
771. that's no ordinary
piece of paper.Copy !req
772. That is a driver's license.Copy !req
773. And it's not only
a driver's license,Copy !req
774. it's an automobile license.Copy !req
775. And it's not only
an automobile license,Copy !req
776. it is a license to live,
a license to be free,Copy !req
777. to go— to go
wherever, whenever,Copy !req
778. and with whomever you choose.Copy !req
779. Archie's, man.
Let's do it.Copy !req
780. Deano, I don't know.Copy !req
781. Les, to live in fearCopy !req
782. is not to live at all.Copy !req
783. What about Mercedes?Copy !req
784. I don't think that this
is such a good idea, okay?Copy !req
785. Of course it's a good idea.Copy !req
786. In half an hour,
there's gonna be babes all over us.Copy !req
787. - She'll kill it for us.Copy !req
788. Wow. Did you ever imagine
in all your lifeCopy !req
789. that you would see a Mercedes
fit inside the trunk of a Cadillac?Copy !req
790. Look, I feel bad about this.Copy !req
791. You feel bad for her?Copy !req
792. I mean, this trunk is bigger
than the size of my bedroom.Copy !req
793. Let's go.Copy !req
794. Nighty night.Copy !req
795. Whoo!Copy !req
796. - Oh, honey.
- Oh, babe.Copy !req
797. I love you!Copy !req
798. - Hey, eyes front.
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
799. Look at her.Copy !req
800. Whoa, hey, come back here.Copy !req
801. Hi.Copy !req
802. Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, guys. Hey, guys?Copy !req
803. Wait— wait up for a second.Copy !req
804. Hey don't you guys
go get some dinner?Copy !req
805. I'm gonna get dessert.Copy !req
806. All right?
Go, go, go, go, go.Copy !req
807. Hi.Copy !req
808. Here you go.Copy !req
809. Thank you.Copy !req
810. Guys, it's all set up.Copy !req
811. I took care of everything.Copy !req
812. They're gonna be here in a few minutes.
There's one for each of us.Copy !req
813. - Dean, I will never doubt you again.
- I know you won't!Copy !req
814. My dreams never get this good.Copy !req
815. My fantasies never
get this good, man.Copy !req
816. And this is only the beginning.Copy !req
817. - Whoo!
- Whoo!Copy !req
818. Yeah, let's eat.Copy !req
819. Sorry.Copy !req
820. Quick, roll up the windows.Copy !req
821. Those assholes again.Copy !req
822. Charles, you spazticated idiot!Copy !req
823. It was an accident.Copy !req
824. Roll up the windows.Copy !req
825. Hey, my hamburger.
Hey, give me my hamburger.Copy !req
826. - Ow! Ow, ow!Copy !req
827. - Dean: Roll the window down.
- No, keep it up.Copy !req
828. - No, roll it down.
- No, keep it up.Copy !req
829. - Hey, come here.Copy !req
830. Hi.Copy !req
831. - Dean: God damn it!Copy !req
832. Wait, you can't leave now.
What about the girls?Copy !req
833. Dean, there's a maniac
on the hood of the car.Copy !req
834. - Get us out of here!
- Don't worry about the maniac.Copy !req
835. Oh, shit.Copy !req
836. Archie's! Come back.Copy !req
837. Come back.Copy !req
838. Come back!Copy !req
839. - Reporter: I'm standing outsideCopy !req
840. the gates of Allied TechnologyCopy !req
841. where a group of peaceful
protesters are gatheredCopy !req
842. to demonstrate against
the late-night transportationCopy !req
843. of military hardware
through our city streets.Copy !req
844. Now, Jim, as you can see,
there's a wide range of people here...Copy !req
845. Karl! I don't know.
I don't know.Copy !req
846. I don't think this is such a good idea.
Can we go home?Copy !req
847. Look, Dean, we're going home.Copy !req
848. And if you don't like it,
you can jump out right here,Copy !req
849. wherever the hell we are.Copy !req
850. Hey, that looks like
my mom's Audi.Copy !req
851. Holy shit!
I think we're being invaded.Copy !req
852. Here they come!Copy !req
853. - Karl!
- Man: This is an illegal assembly.Copy !req
854. Come on!Copy !req
855. - Man: You will be arrestedCopy !req
856. - if you do not disperse the area.
- Hey.Copy !req
857. No, no, no, not on my car.
What are you doing?Copy !req
858. - My car! My car!Copy !req
859. Hey, I know that guy.Copy !req
860. He looks like
my sister's boyfriend.Copy !req
861. Les?Copy !req
862. Shit, my sister! Duck.Copy !req
863. - What are you doing?
- Natalie, don't tell Dad on me!Copy !req
864. - I'll do anything.
- You don't even have a license.Copy !req
865. Natalie, don't— don't tell Dad.Copy !req
866. All right,
let's round these people up.Copy !req
867. Put them in the wagon.Copy !req
868. Excuse me.Copy !req
869. Shit.Copy !req
870. As you can see behind me,Copy !req
871. what started as
a peaceful protestCopy !req
872. has now mushroomed into
a substantial demonstration.Copy !req
873. It seems that tempers flared when
executives from Allied TechnologiesCopy !req
874. refused to speak to rep—Copy !req
875. - Dean: Oh, my God.
- What the hell was going on back there?Copy !req
876. I don't know, man,
but Les, I'll tell you something—Copy !req
877. this Caddy sure can
take a beating.Copy !req
878. Yeah, well, not half the beating
you're going to getCopy !req
879. unless you clam up, Dean.Copy !req
880. Oh, this is great.
This is real classic.Copy !req
881. They must be
checking for drunk drivers.Copy !req
882. Yeah, no shit.Copy !req
883. Don't sweat it.
Think of your license as a credit card.Copy !req
884. Sooner or Iater
you gotta break it in.Copy !req
885. Pull over to the curb,
right over there.Copy !req
886. And besides, Les,
what are you worried about?Copy !req
887. We're sober. They're here to catch
drunks like that dick.Copy !req
888. Have you had anything to drink
tonight, sir?Copy !req
889. Take it easy.Copy !req
890. License and registration.Copy !req
891. License and registration, son.Copy !req
892. Um, sir,
I forgot my license at home.Copy !req
893. But, um,
I could give you this.Copy !req
894. All right, sit tight.Copy !req
895. Why didn't you show him
your license?Copy !req
896. What was that thing you flashed
in front of us at the house?Copy !req
897. My school lD.Copy !req
898. Are you telling us
that you left the houseCopy !req
899. on your first night out with
a license without a license?Copy !req
900. No, Dean,
I'm not telling you that.Copy !req
901. l— look, guys,Copy !req
902. I failed my exam.Copy !req
903. You what?Copy !req
904. Proper grammar is—Copy !req
905. This punk doesn't even
have a Iicense.Copy !req
906. All right, sir,
what I'd like you to doCopy !req
907. is I'd like you to try
to walk this line here, all right?Copy !req
908. - All right.
- Come here.Copy !req
909. You just keep walking, all right?
I'll be right back.Copy !req
910. We may have to call a wagon
to pick this guy up.Copy !req
911. This is gonna go on our records.Copy !req
912. We're gonna be
locked up in a cellCopy !req
913. with men who have
murdered and rapedCopy !req
914. and robbed convenience stores.Copy !req
915. Will you take a pill or something?
Will you just relax?Copy !req
916. Nothing's going to happen to us.
We're juveniles.Copy !req
917. Nice call, Dean.Copy !req
918. All right, Anderson,
let's have a look inside the trunk.Copy !req
919. Come on,
I ain't got all night.Copy !req
920. Come on, come on.Copy !req
921. Hi, how you doin'?Copy !req
922. What the hell is this?Copy !req
923. My date?Copy !req
924. We gotta roll. There's a riot
going on at AIIied Tech.Copy !req
925. You just got lucky, pal.Copy !req
926. Let's go.Copy !req
927. - Excuse me, officers?
- Yes! Perfect! Yes.Copy !req
928. See, Les, what'd I tell you?
Piece of cake.Copy !req
929. Deano, shut up, huh?
Help me with her.Copy !req
930. Do something useful in life,
would you?Copy !req
931. Oh, looks like a line.
Oh yeah.Copy !req
932. Oh, a Maserati.Copy !req
933. Oh, this is much
nicer than mine.Copy !req
934. Keys?Copy !req
935. This chick is no paperweight.Copy !req
936. So where's our next stop?Copy !req
937. There are no stops, Dean.
We're going home.Copy !req
938. Oh, I'm dead.Copy !req
939. I'm so dead they're gonna
have to bury me twice.Copy !req
940. Let's go.Copy !req
941. You can't take this car!Copy !req
942. Yeah, well, he took our car.
We're gonna take his.Copy !req
943. And go.
What a waste.Copy !req
944. Oh, I'm swinging!Copy !req
945. Go, go!Copy !req
946. Where the hell am l?Copy !req
947. - He's going left. He's going left.
- I see him. I see him.Copy !req
948. - All: Whoa!Copy !req
949. Where the hell
is this guy going?Copy !req
950. Yeah, go, Sammy!Copy !req
951. Oh, oh!Copy !req
952. - Shit.
- Don't worry about it.Copy !req
953. I can fix that.
It's only the right side.Copy !req
954. My life's no bed of roses,
that's for sure.Copy !req
955. People are the problem.
People pushing me around!Copy !req
956. I don't care what you say to the guy,
just get him to pull over.Copy !req
957. The man is a drunk lunatic.Copy !req
958. Don't you think this is
a little bit dangerous?Copy !req
959. You're telling me about dangerous?Copy !req
960. Charles, you want to know
what's dangerous?Copy !req
961. Me going home
and having to explain to my fatherCopy !req
962. that this piece of shit
is my grandfather's Cadillac.Copy !req
963. Now, Charles, here he is
and you'd better talk to him.Copy !req
964. - Be tough!
- Excuse me, sir?Copy !req
965. Sir, pardon me.
Excuse me.Copy !req
966. I believe there's been
a slight mix-up here.Copy !req
967. It seems you've mistakenly
driven off with our car.Copy !req
968. Thank you.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
969. - You're very kind.
- Les: What the hell?Copy !req
970. Come on! Get the juicehead
to pull over.Copy !req
971. - Sir?Copy !req
972. Les, he just vomited
in your car.Copy !req
973. Oh.Copy !req
974. - Oh shit.Copy !req
975. Whoo!
What airline is this?Copy !req
976. Come on, go!
Yeah, come on.Copy !req
977. Shut up, Deano.Copy !req
978. Hey, check it out— spongehead
is actually driving straight.Copy !req
979. What did he do, sober up?Copy !req
980. Holy shit!
He's out cold.Copy !req
981. Oh, shit.Copy !req
982. Charles, you take the gas.
Deano, you take the wheel.Copy !req
983. - I'm going out there.
- No, no, wait a minute. No, no.Copy !req
984. - Les, it's just a car!
- You try telling that to my father.Copy !req
985. Les.
Be careful, Les.Copy !req
986. - Hold it steady.
- Wait a minute, Les!Copy !req
987. Dean, hold the car steady.Copy !req
988. Come on.Copy !req
989. Keep it straight, would you?Copy !req
990. Shit.Copy !req
991. Stop it!
You're losing control.Copy !req
992. Les! Wait a minute, wait.Copy !req
993. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
994. I'm gonna fall.
Deano, wait a minute.Copy !req
995. - Holy shit!
- Shit! Whoa!Copy !req
996. Deano, whoa!Copy !req
997. Mister, wake up, would you?Copy !req
998. Come on.Copy !req
999. Wake up.
Please, wake up.Copy !req
1000. Will you get your hands
off the God damn—Copy !req
1001. Shit.Copy !req
1002. Whoa! Deano, help.Copy !req
1003. We're losing him. Look.Copy !req
1004. Hi, Les.Copy !req
1005. - Stop it, Dean!Copy !req
1006. God, I hate
drunk drivers.Copy !req
1007. What?Copy !req
1008. No! No!Copy !req
1009. Watch the road, come on.Copy !req
1010. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1011. No! No!Copy !req
1012. - Come on, get out of the car!
- Stop stepping on my face!Copy !req
1013. Hey, will you stop complaining?
Oh, you're alive!Copy !req
1014. - We thought you were dead.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
1015. Did you see what you did?
Did you see what you did?Copy !req
1016. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
1017. - Who is this guy?
- I don't know.Copy !req
1018. Who are you?Copy !req
1019. Well, my friend, you're a little thief.
Give me those keys.Copy !req
1020. Yes, yes, but see, friends
don't let friends drive drunk.Copy !req
1021. - You call yourself a friend?Copy !req
1022. Wait, look, you were incredible.Copy !req
1023. You are an animal.Copy !req
1024. I mean nobody's
going to believe this.Copy !req
1025. Yeah, not too bad for a kid
without his license, huh?Copy !req
1026. Les, I gotta tell you,Copy !req
1027. license or no license,Copy !req
1028. that was one intense display
of driving.Copy !req
1029. Yeah, and as far as a first night out
on the town with a car is concerned,Copy !req
1030. that one definitely
sets the standard.Copy !req
1031. Hey, thank God you don't get your
license for a couple months, buddy.Copy !req
1032. What are you going
to tell Sleeping Beauty?Copy !req
1033. - I don't know.Copy !req
1034. Shh. Go, go.Copy !req
1035. Good night, Les.Copy !req
1036. See you later, Les.Copy !req
1037. - Robert.
- Hmm?Copy !req
1038. This is it.Copy !req
1039. - That's nice, honey.Copy !req
1040. This is it.Copy !req
1041. I'm up! I'm up!
I'm up. I'm up.Copy !req
1042. Okay okay, do your breathing.Copy !req
1043. Okay, how far apart
are the contractions?Copy !req
1044. Five minutes? Fine.
PIenty of time.Copy !req
1045. The dream
was so bizarre, Les.Copy !req
1046. As if I was trapped
in the trunk of a carCopy !req
1047. and suddenly the trunk
flipped open,Copy !req
1048. and there you were,
rescuing me.Copy !req
1049. - It was so weird.
- Sounds crazy.Copy !req
1050. Oh, I know it sounds
unbelievable,Copy !req
1051. but somehow you're always
there to hold meCopy !req
1052. like you are right now.Copy !req
1053. I felt so safe and so warm.Copy !req
1054. I'm sorry I was such
a sleepyhead tonight.Copy !req
1055. You must have been so bored.Copy !req
1056. Oh, no, don't be silly.Copy !req
1057. Tonight for me was like
non-stop action.Copy !req
1058. Oh.
When can we go out again?Copy !req
1059. Honestly, Mercedes,
tonight might be the last nightCopy !req
1060. anybody ever sees me alive.Copy !req
1061. Why?
What happened?Copy !req
1062. It's a long complicated story.
You don't want to hear about it.Copy !req
1063. Does it have a happy ending?Copy !req
1064. Mm-hmm.
It has so far.Copy !req
1065. Hopefully one day
I'll get to tell you how it ends.Copy !req
1066. I'll be here.Copy !req
1067. Bye.Copy !req
1068. - Ow!
- The baby?Copy !req
1069. No, the laces are too tight.Copy !req
1070. - Okay, honey.
- Robert?Copy !req
1071. - Honey? Whoa.Copy !req
1072. Okay. Oh, wait,
let me get my jacket.Copy !req
1073. - Where's my jacket?
- Okay, okay.Copy !req
1074. - Where's my jacket? Where is it?
- Okay.Copy !req
1075. Oh, I forgot the bag.
I forgot the bag.Copy !req
1076. Okay, I'm gonna wait here.Copy !req
1077. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
1078. - Calm down, honey.
- You okay?Copy !req
1079. - You okay?
- Good. Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
1080. - I'm fine.
- Ow.Copy !req
1081. - Wait. Oh, no. Okay.
- Another one.Copy !req
1082. - Okay.
- Uh-oh.Copy !req
1083. Okay, yeah, put your arm on me.
Put your arm.Copy !req
1084. - Oh, man.Copy !req
1085. Here we go.Copy !req
1086. - Uh, uh-oh.
- What?Copy !req
1087. What? What?Copy !req
1088. Oh, gosh, I'm fine.Copy !req
1089. - I'm sorry. I'm fine now.
- What do you mean you're fine?Copy !req
1090. I think it was air bubbles
from the pickle or something.Copy !req
1091. - Honey, are you sure?
- Oh, gosh.Copy !req
1092. - The car's right here.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
1093. I'm sorry, I'm fine.Copy !req
1094. Oh, man.Copy !req
1095. Why is the garage door open?Copy !req
1096. Oh, Natalie probably
left it open.Copy !req
1097. No, honey,
Natalie took the Audi.Copy !req
1098. - Where the hell is the Audi?
- Les: Ow.Copy !req
1099. - Oh, Robert!
- What in the?Copy !req
1100. Robert!Copy !req
1101. Honey, keep breathing.Copy !req
1102. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
1103. What?Copy !req
1104. Something wrong
with your bed, Les?Copy !req
1105. Mind explaining to me what size
shark was responsible for this?Copy !req
1106. - Well, it—
- Don't!Copy !req
1107. I don't want to know.
I don't want to know.Copy !req
1108. Save it for the judge.Copy !req
1109. Do you have any idea
what you've done tonight, Les?Copy !req
1110. What this means to your future
in this houseCopy !req
1111. - and on this planet?
- I have an idea.Copy !req
1112. No, you can't possibly!
You can't even begin to imagine.Copy !req
1113. We had a college fund
set aside for you.Copy !req
1114. That's gone now.Copy !req
1115. You had free room and board,
two trusting parents,Copy !req
1116. and a social life.
It's all gone.Copy !req
1117. You had a TV, a stereo,
a baseball mitt,Copy !req
1118. a tennis racket, a skateboard,Copy !req
1119. a bicycle— all gone.Copy !req
1120. And you even had sunlight
and a window in your room.Copy !req
1121. Robert!Copy !req
1122. Let me tell you something,
buddy boy,Copy !req
1123. you are damn lucky your mother
didn't go into Iabor tonight.Copy !req
1124. Robert, I am in labor!Copy !req
1125. Damn lucky!Copy !req
1126. What?Copy !req
1127. Honey, you okay? How far apart
are the contractions?Copy !req
1128. - I don't know.
- You don't know?Copy !req
1129. Is it one minute, two minutes?
How close?Copy !req
1130. - Too close.
- Too close. No handle!Copy !req
1131. No handle!
No handle.Copy !req
1132. Okay, honey, okay, we'll be
at the hospital in a minute.Copy !req
1133. Okay, watch your head.Copy !req
1134. Oh, Robert, I want you
in the backseat with me.Copy !req
1135. No, honey, I can't.
I have to drive.Copy !req
1136. - Les can drive.
- What?Copy !req
1137. Les who? Not that Les.
No no.Copy !req
1138. No, he stays here.
Rudy, you drive.Copy !req
1139. - Rudy, get in the car!
- Dad, Dad.Copy !req
1140. Dad.
Dad, let me drive.Copy !req
1141. - I can do it, Dad.
- Oh! Oh, Robert.Copy !req
1142. Please stay with me.Copy !req
1143. I need you. Ah!Copy !req
1144. - Dad?
- Okay, you drive.Copy !req
1145. But try and do it
like you have a license!Copy !req
1146. - Let me open the door.Copy !req
1147. Ew!
It smells like puke in here.Copy !req
1148. - Les: Shut up, Rudy.Copy !req
1149. What are you doing?Copy !req
1150. - Robert.
- Dad, sorry, it's a red light.Copy !req
1151. Are you crazy?
There isn't a car in sight.Copy !req
1152. We're rushing your mother to
the hospital, not to a bridge game.Copy !req
1153. - Come on, go through it.
- Okay. Okay.Copy !req
1154. What are you doing?
Come on.Copy !req
1155. Dad, I'm pushing the gas down.
It ain't moving. I don't know—Copy !req
1156. It sounds like the transmission.
Try another gear.Copy !req
1157. Come on.Copy !req
1158. - Mom?
- Try low.Copy !req
1159. Don't worry,
I'm just having a baby.Copy !req
1160. - Dad: What was that?Copy !req
1161. Reverse works, Dad.Copy !req
1162. - Honey?Copy !req
1163. Let him drive backwards.Copy !req
1164. Let him drive sideways.
I don't care.Copy !req
1165. Just get me there!Copy !req
1166. All right, but be careful.Copy !req
1167. I will.Copy !req
1168. Whoa!Copy !req
1169. - Dad: Baby.
- Throw the golf clubs.Copy !req
1170. Oh, okay.Copy !req
1171. No, go right!
No, left.Copy !req
1172. No, go right. No.Copy !req
1173. What are you doing?
Get off the sidewalk.Copy !req
1174. Okay, that's it.
I'm driving, pull over.Copy !req
1175. - Look out!
- Hold it!Copy !req
1176. What are you doing?
Les, you're going the wrong way.Copy !req
1177. Look out!
Where'd you people learn to drive?Copy !req
1178. Okay, we're good.Copy !req
1179. Hmm?Copy !req
1180. Hmm?Copy !req
1181. - Oh! Ow! God!Copy !req
1182. Anderson!
Whoa, goddamn car.Copy !req
1183. Ahh!Copy !req
1184. - How are you, honey?
- I'm wet.Copy !req
1185. Hey, slow it down there, buddy.
Hey, stop!Copy !req
1186. Stop, stop, stop!Copy !req
1187. - This is it. Okay.Copy !req
1188. - Woman in Iabor!
- What the hell's the matter with you?Copy !req
1189. Woman in labor!
Woman in labor!Copy !req
1190. Come on, honey.
Okay okay. Keep breathing.Copy !req
1191. - Keep breathing.
- Robert.Copy !req
1192. - Come on!
- Mom?Copy !req
1193. - Ow, ow, ow.
- Careful, she's in labor.Copy !req
1194. - I'm fine.
- Rudy, go with Mom.Copy !req
1195. I'll be right there, honey.Copy !req
1196. Come here, I want to talk to you.
Come here.Copy !req
1197. Come here.Copy !req
1198. Where'd you learn
to drive like that?Copy !req
1199. I guess last night, Dad.Copy !req
1200. Yeah? Must have been
one hell of a crash course.Copy !req
1201. Look, don't worry about Grandpa.
The damage isn't that bad.Copy !req
1202. We'll get the car fixed.
Maybe he won't notice.Copy !req
1203. It's slipping!
Look out, the beam! Stand clear!Copy !req
1204. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1205. I'm losing it!
Look out!Copy !req
1206. - Man: Hello?Copy !req
1207. - Hello?Copy !req
1208. Anybody home?Copy !req
1209. It's Grandpa.Copy !req
1210. What are you
gonna tell him, Dad?Copy !req
1211. Well, the truth could kill him,Copy !req
1212. but I guess he's getting
kind of old, huh?Copy !req
1213. What's everybody
sweating about?Copy !req
1214. He's been away a long time.
He'll want to come in, relax.Copy !req
1215. - Come on, damn it, open up.
- He hasn't seen the twins yet.Copy !req
1216. I know my father.
Last thing in the worldCopy !req
1217. he's going to be worried about
is his car.Copy !req
1218. Hi, Dad.Copy !req
1219. - Where's my Caddy?
- Les did it!Copy !req
1220. It was Les.
I didn't—Copy !req
1221. What in the hell is that?Copy !req
1222. - Uh...
- Son of a bitch.Copy !req
1223. What in the hell is that?Copy !req
1224. It's your car, Grandpa.Copy !req
1225. Your car.Copy !req
1226. - Dad?
- What is it?Copy !req
1227. - What?
- What's the matter?Copy !req
1228. Dad, what— what is it?Copy !req
1229. Why are you laughing?Copy !req
1230. Here, I had a little trouble
with your car too.Copy !req
1231. My BMW?Copy !req
1232. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
1233. - Yo.Copy !req
1234. Les, you know how you said
when you got your license,Copy !req
1235. you wanted a BMW?
Well, here you go. It's all yours.Copy !req
1236. Take good care of it.Copy !req
1237. Thanks, Dad,
that's very generous of you.Copy !req
1238. But, you know,
I don't need the BMW anymore.Copy !req
1239. - Les?Copy !req
1240. I already have a Mercedes.Copy !req
1241. Don't wait up, guys.Copy !req