1. W- O...Copy !req
2. R- K!Copy !req
3. Work.Copy !req
4. Today we're going to share
what our parents do for...Copy !req
5. Work!Copy !req
6. My mommy is a doctor.Copy !req
7. My daddy is a truck driver.Copy !req
8. My mom's a teacher.Copy !req
9. And your dad?Copy !req
10. My dad...Copy !req
11. He's a liar.Copy !req
12. A liar? I'm sure you don't mean a liar.Copy !req
13. He wears a suit and goes to court
and talks to the judge.Copy !req
14. Oh! I see. You mean he's a lawyer.Copy !req
15. Hey, Fletcher. How'd it go in there?Copy !req
16. - Another victory for the wrongly accused.
- Right.Copy !req
17. Mr. Reede, great job.
Do you want your coat back?Copy !req
18. No, I'm sure you'll be needing it
again and again.Copy !req
19. - Do you have a moment?
- I'm late. It's my day to be with my son.Copy !req
20. A couple of reporters
want to talk about your big win.Copy !req
21. Oh, yeah? How's my hair?Copy !req
22. Fabulous. You look great.Copy !req
23. What time is it?Copy !req
24. I'm sure your dad
just got held up in court again.Copy !req
25. - Dad!
- Maximilian!Copy !req
26. How you doing, creep?Copy !req
27. Good.Copy !req
28. Me too, except my arm
has really been bothering me lately.Copy !req
29. - Oh, no, Dad!
- Oh, yeah!Copy !req
30. It's becoming a claw!Copy !req
31. Nothing can stop the Claw!Copy !req
32. Run, boy! Save yourself!Copy !req
33. Do the Claw to Mom!Copy !req
34. Uh-oh!Copy !req
35. You found the Claw's only weakness.
Sub-zero temperatures!Copy !req
36. Did you have any trouble finding the place?Copy !req
37. I'm late. I'm sorry. I ran out of gas.Copy !req
38. The gauge is broken or something.Copy !req
39. Rough neighborhood, too.Copy !req
40. Good thing I was wearing
neutral gang colors.Copy !req
41. I might've had to pull out my nine
and bust a cap.Copy !req
42. With my mind on my money
and my money on my mindCopy !req
43. They would never hurt you, Fletcher.
You're their lawyer.Copy !req
44. Oh! That was below the belt.
Keep the gloves up.Copy !req
45. Mom, Dad's taking me to see wrestling!Copy !req
46. - Fletcher!
- Audrey!Copy !req
47. Why do you have to take him
to see that violent stuff?Copy !req
48. The boy must grow to be a warrior.Copy !req
49. Who better to guide him than Rick RudeCopy !req
50. and Randy "Macho-Man" Savage
in the Cage of Death?Copy !req
51. Good!Copy !req
52. Jerry, how's it going?
Hey, Gipper! Look at you.Copy !req
53. You look like you grow by the minute!Copy !req
54. - Fletcher, pleasure to see you. Hi, honey!
- Hi.Copy !req
55. Wow, that was a nice image.
Deleted.Copy !req
56. - I have some more boxes for you.
- Oh! You're an angel.Copy !req
57. - Boxes?
Yeah.Copy !req
58. Remember? I told you
Jerry's moving to Boston on Friday.Copy !req
59. Oh, right! The job, the thing.
What do you do again?Copy !req
60. - Hospital administrator.
- Right!Copy !req
61. - The boxes are in my car.
- Oh, those can wait.Copy !req
62. I made this young man a promise, didn't I?Copy !req
63. Got time to throw a few?Copy !req
64. - Sure!
- Come on, then!Copy !req
65. - I forgot the boyfriend was moving.
- Jerry!Copy !req
66. His name is Jerry! And yes, he's moving.Copy !req
67. I'm sorry. I hated him a lot less
than your other boyfriends.Copy !req
68. - It wasn't serious, was it?
- Semi-serious, yes.Copy !req
69. You guys aren't... You know...Copy !req
70. I've been dating him for seven months.Copy !req
71. - What do you think?
- Really? Ew!Copy !req
72. I hoped after being married to me
you'd have no strength left.Copy !req
73. When we were married,
I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you.Copy !req
74. Ouch!Copy !req
75. The ref takes a point away.Copy !req
76. You're out, man! Out!
- Max is gonna miss him.Copy !req
77. I'll be here.Copy !req
78. Ready?Copy !req
79. Play ball.Copy !req
80. Max, come on. We've gotta go.Copy !req
81. Dad, are we really going to wrestling?
- Absolutely, Max Factor.Copy !req
82. We just have to stop by the office
for a minute.Copy !req
83. - Excuse me, sir. Any spare change?
- I'm sorry. I'm all out.Copy !req
84. I can't do it.Copy !req
85. Fred, it's your duty
to present the strongest case possible.Copy !req
86. The strongest case possible
consistent with the truth.Copy !req
87. Will you let the judge decide what's true?Copy !req
88. That's what he gets paid for.
You get paid to win.Copy !req
89. If you insist that I take it to trial,Copy !req
90. I will represent Mrs. Cole
aggressively and ethically.Copy !req
91. But, Miranda, I won't lie.Copy !req
92. Then we'll have to find someone who will.Copy !req
93. Twenty-first floor. Men's wear.Copy !req
94. - Hi, Mr. Reede!
- Whoa!Copy !req
95. Hey. Did you do something to your hair?Copy !req
96. It's a bit extreme, isn't it?Copy !req
97. No! That's the thing nowadays, right?Copy !req
98. - He said it'd accent my facial features.
- That's what it does!Copy !req
99. It completely accents your facial features.Copy !req
100. We're just gonna go to my office now...Copy !req
101. - Hey, Fletcher.
- Hey, Pete.Copy !req
102. - You losing a little weight?
- I don't know. Maybe.Copy !req
103. Looks and personality. A double-threat guy.Copy !req
104. - Hey, Mr. Reede.
- Hey, man.Copy !req
105. - It's Randy.
- I know.Copy !req
106. - Taking lunch orders. Anything?
- No, thanks.Copy !req
107. I had so much for breakfast,
I'm ready to pop.Copy !req
108. - I mean, I'm full.
- Okay. Great.Copy !req
109. - Max!
- Hi, Greta.Copy !req
110. - What's new?
- My birthday's tomorrow. I'm having a party.Copy !req
111. Wow! I am sure your daddy
has got you something wonderful.Copy !req
112. - Yeah?
- Yeah! You bet!Copy !req
113. Listen, kiddo.Copy !req
114. Play in my office for a minute.
Sue somebody for everything they've got.Copy !req
115. Maybe you can send a fax
to one of your girlfriends. Sorry.Copy !req
116. Damn it! I completely forgot.Copy !req
117. What a surprise.Copy !req
118. You are a saint. I should buy you a gift.Copy !req
119. - You did.
- I always do the classy thing. Any calls?Copy !req
120. - Judge Rollins' clerk needs your filing.
- Say it's in the mail.Copy !req
121. You'll do it next week. Mr. McKinley phoned
to confirm your meeting.Copy !req
122. Strep throat. No, a virus.
What's going around?Copy !req
123. - Asian flu?
- Good one.Copy !req
124. - And your mother called.
- I'm on vacation.Copy !req
125. - It's your fifth week.
- Snowed in, phones are down.Copy !req
126. Break mother's heart. Done. That's it.Copy !req
127. Except Miranda's looking for you.Copy !req
128. How much ass do I have to kiss
to make partner in this place?Copy !req
129. - I broke my leg and had to be shot.
- Why don't you tell her yourself.Copy !req
130. And then send out a notice of judgment
on my win today!Copy !req
131. I'll get right on it.Copy !req
132. Miranda! I didn't see you.
You look beautiful today.Copy !req
133. Here! I bought you a gift.Copy !req
134. Oh! Thanks. I heard about your victory.
Congratulations.Copy !req
135. You're making quite an impression
on the partnership committee.Copy !req
136. That's right! You folks are meeting soon.Copy !req
137. I've been so busy,
I haven't even thought about it.Copy !req
138. Anyway. I have a client in my office.Copy !req
139. - Better not keep him waiting.
- Something important has come up.Copy !req
140. You're not busy tonight, are you?Copy !req
141. We're not going, are we?Copy !req
142. Audrey. You know how there are
moments in life that you know are critical?Copy !req
143. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
144. And choices that have to be madeCopy !req
145. upon which all one's future happiness
will depend?Copy !req
146. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
147. This is one of those moments.Copy !req
148. What are you trying to say?Copy !req
149. Will you marry me?Copy !req
150. - You're moving.
- I want you and Max to come with me.Copy !req
151. I've been giving this a lot of thought.Copy !req
152. I'm not prone to wild, spontaneous flights
of romantic fancy.Copy !req
153. But the thought of us together
just makes too much sense to ignore.Copy !req
154. I'm ready. I think you're ready.
I love Max. You love Max.Copy !req
155. It's right. It fits.Copy !req
156. So what do you say?Copy !req
157. Hey, creepy. Happy birthday.Copy !req
158. How old are you now, 22, 23?Copy !req
159. - I'm five, Dad.
- Okay.Copy !req
160. Return the beer keg.Copy !req
161. Cancel the dancing girls.Copy !req
162. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I feel completely unprepared for this.Copy !req
163. You see, I bought you a present,
but last night...Copy !req
164. I accidentally swallowed it.Copy !req
165. - Dad, it's in your belly!
- Scalpel.Copy !req
166. I hope it's not partially digested!Copy !req
167. Look out!Copy !req
168. Cool!Copy !req
169. - Cool!
- What is it?Copy !req
170. It's a surprise.Copy !req
171. All right, it's a pony. Just open it!Copy !req
172. I'm gonna help, because I can't stand it!Copy !req
173. Baseball stuff!Copy !req
174. Cool! Can we play?Copy !req
175. I'll be Nomo. You can be Jose Canseco.
Can we play?Copy !req
176. - Absolutely.
- Yeah!Copy !req
177. Right after your party tonight, we'll do it.
You and me.Copy !req
178. I just have to really concentrate
on this right now.Copy !req
179. Hi!Copy !req
180. Hey! Happy birthday.Copy !req
181. - Thanks, Mom.
- Happy birthday, Max!Copy !req
182. One, two, three, four, five.
And one for good luck!Copy !req
183. He struck the child. Did you see that?Copy !req
184. - Look at what Dad got me!
- Whoa! Great!Copy !req
185. Hey, I have my glove in the car.Copy !req
186. Maybe we can stop at the park
on the way home and play catch.Copy !req
187. Tonight we can rub oil in it
and wrap a big rubber band around it.Copy !req
188. It'll be great. Great gift, Dad!Copy !req
189. Thanks, Son. I'm so glad my gift
could bring those two together.Copy !req
190. My plan to phase myself out
is almost complete.Copy !req
191. Something's come up, and we need to talk.Copy !req
192. Come on, Mom. I want to go play!Copy !req
193. It's kind of important,
so maybe we could talk tonight?Copy !req
194. - Tonight?
- Yes.Copy !req
195. - Max's birthday party.
- Yeah.Copy !req
196. Sure. Of course. We'll talk then. Great!Copy !req
197. - Maximus! I'm outta here.
- Bye, Dad.Copy !req
198. Jerry, enjoy my wife.Copy !req
199. This is good. This is really smart.Copy !req
200. - Thank you.
- Only...Copy !req
201. It's not true. Does that present a problem?Copy !req
202. Mrs. Cole, the only problem hereCopy !req
203. is that after you've provided years
of faithful service and loving supportCopy !req
204. of raising his children... They are his?Copy !req
205. Oh, yeah. One for sure.Copy !req
206. After all that,
your husband is denying youCopy !req
207. a fair share of the marital assets
based on one single indiscretion.Copy !req
208. Seven.Copy !req
209. - Pardon me?
- Seven single acts of indiscretion.Copy !req
210. Seven acts of indiscretion,Copy !req
211. only one of which he has any evidence of,Copy !req
212. and all of which
he himself is responsible for.Copy !req
213. - He is?
- Mrs. Cole.Copy !req
214. You're the victim here.
The wife of a cold, distant workaholic.Copy !req
215. Starved for affection.
Driven into the arms of another man!Copy !req
216. - Seven.
- Whatever!Copy !req
217. You're not denying him
what is rightfully his.Copy !req
218. All you're insisting on
is what is rightfully yours.Copy !req
219. And maybe a fraction more.Copy !req
220. I think you're bending over backwards.Copy !req
221. I did offer to give him joint custody
of the kids.Copy !req
222. He is, after all, a wonderful father.Copy !req
223. And how does he repay you?Copy !req
224. By dragging you through
a painful litigation process!Copy !req
225. No! This can't happen!Copy !req
226. With all due respect,
this isn't about you and Mr. Cole anymore.Copy !req
227. This is about all women.Copy !req
228. Where would Tina Turner be right now
if she'd rolled over and said,Copy !req
229. "Hit me again, Ike,
and put some stank on it"?Copy !req
230. Rolling on the river, that's where she'd be.Copy !req
231. But she's beyond Thunderdome,
because she decided to send a message.Copy !req
232. Wake up, sisters! There's noCopy !req
233. such thing as a weaker sex!Copy !req
234. You know what?Copy !req
235. You're right, Mr. Reede.
I am tired of getting kicked around!Copy !req
236. Good for you!Copy !req
237. Thank you. I am so gratefulCopy !req
238. to have an attorney I can trust.Copy !req
239. You are good.Copy !req
240. You are very, very good.Copy !req
241. The Cole case is worth
a truckload of money to this firm.Copy !req
242. If you win, I guarantee you'll make partner.Copy !req
243. In fact, how would you like to makeCopy !req
244. a partner right now?Copy !req
245. I don't know. I should...Copy !req
246. Happy, happyCopy !req
247. I'm so happy todayCopy !req
248. I live in the USA!Copy !req
249. So, honey?Copy !req
250. Have you thought about,
you know, what we talked about?Copy !req
251. - Yeah.
- Great.Copy !req
252. I can't go.Copy !req
253. What? Why not?Copy !req
254. - Because of Max.
- But he'll love it there.Copy !req
255. I'm gonna take him to Fenway Park.Copy !req
256. There's hiking and camping...Copy !req
257. Well, really, it's Fletcher.Copy !req
258. Fletcher? Come on, honey.Copy !req
259. He wouldn't even come
unless you reminded him.Copy !req
260. I know, but when he does come over,
Max is so happy.Copy !req
261. They have their own little world together.Copy !req
262. - The Gipper and I have that, too!
- I know, but it's different.Copy !req
263. - How?
- Well...Copy !req
264. He does the Claw.Copy !req
265. - The what?
- The Claw.Copy !req
266. You know, it's like this...Copy !req
267. I don't...Copy !req
268. "Run for your life. It's the Claw!"Copy !req
269. I can't really do it well. Anyway...Copy !req
270. The point isCopy !req
271. if they're 3,000 miles apart,
they'll never see each other.Copy !req
272. Fletcher won't come to Boston.Copy !req
273. Hello.Copy !req
274. Audrey?
- Fletcher! Where are you?Copy !req
275. Max won't cut the cake until you get here.Copy !req
276. Oh, man!Copy !req
277. Actually, something has come up.Copy !req
278. I've got this problem on a new case.Copy !req
279. - What happened?
- Nothing!Copy !req
280. I stubbed my toe on the desk!Copy !req
281. I'm really sorry, but I just can't make it.Copy !req
282. The boss is really riding me.Copy !req
283. Fletcher, it's his birthday!Copy !req
284. I know, I know.Copy !req
285. I'll make it up to him.
I'll pick him up from school tomorrow.Copy !req
286. - You're gonna pick him up?
- Yes!Copy !req
287. All right, hold on a minute.
You can say, "Happy birthday. "Copy !req
288. No! Gotta go! Good-bye.Copy !req
289. Hello.Copy !req
290. Happy birthday to youCopy !req
291. Happy birthday, dear MaxCopy !req
292. Happy birthday to youCopy !req
293. Okay, birthday boy. Make a wish.Copy !req
294. Come on, Max. It can be anything you want.Copy !req
295. Anything in the whole world.Copy !req
296. Max.Copy !req
297. Your father is sorry. He had to work.Copy !req
298. He said he was gonna be here. He promised.Copy !req
299. I know, but he promises
that he is gonna see you tomorrow.Copy !req
300. He's gonna pick you up from school.Copy !req
301. All right?Copy !req
302. So, come on. Make a wish.Copy !req
303. I wish that for only one day,Copy !req
304. Dad couldn't tell a lie.Copy !req
305. Mmm. That was incredible.Copy !req
306. Was it good for you?Copy !req
307. I've had better.Copy !req
308. "I've had better?"Copy !req
309. "I've had better?"Copy !req
310. "I've had better. "Copy !req
311. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
312. - New in the building?
- I just moved in Monday.Copy !req
313. Oh!Copy !req
314. - You like it so far?
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
315. Everybody's been real nice.Copy !req
316. That's because you have big jugs.Copy !req
317. I mean, your boobs are huge.Copy !req
318. I mean, I want to squeeze them.Copy !req
319. Mama.Copy !req
320. - Any change, mister?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
321. - Could you spare some?
- Yes, I could.Copy !req
322. Will you? How come?Copy !req
323. Because I believe
you will buy booze with it!Copy !req
324. I am tired of being confronted
by the decay of Western society.Copy !req
325. Plus, I'm cheap!Copy !req
326. Jerk-off!Copy !req
327. You look like you're having
a rough morning.Copy !req
328. Ding, ding, ding!
What do we have for her, Johnny?Copy !req
329. Fletcher.
- Dana.Copy !req
330. How much will it take
to put an end to all this?Copy !req
331. - Fifty percent of your estate.
- Fifty percent?Copy !req
332. With a pre-nup and proof of adultery?
What's your case?Copy !req
333. Our case is simply this.Copy !req
334. I can't stand this.Copy !req
335. Very funny, Fletcher!Copy !req
336. You want to play hardball? I'm game.Copy !req
337. "You want to play hardball? I'm game. "Copy !req
338. What are you doing?
What is wrong with you?Copy !req
339. All rise for the Honorable Judge
Marshall Stevens.Copy !req
340. Honorable!Copy !req
341. Good morning. Call case number BD-09395.Copy !req
342. Samantha Cole vs. Richard Cole.Copy !req
343. - How are we doing this morning, Counsel?
- Fine. Thank you.Copy !req
344. And you, Mr. Reede?Copy !req
345. I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode
I had last night.Copy !req
346. You're still young.
It'll happen more and more.Copy !req
347. In the meantime, what do you say
we get down to business?Copy !req
348. - First, Mr. Reede, I see that your client...
- I would like a continuance!Copy !req
349. This case has been delayed several times,
Mr. Reede.Copy !req
350. I realize that,
but I would really like a continuance.Copy !req
351. I'll have to hear good cause, Counsel.Copy !req
352. What's the problem?Copy !req
353. I can't lie!Copy !req
354. Commendable, but I'm waiting to hear
good cause. Do you have one or not?Copy !req
355. - Not.
- Motion for continuance denied.Copy !req
356. Any chance of a settlement in this case?Copy !req
357. I don't think so.
My client's offered Mrs. Cole $2.4 million.Copy !req
358. - But Mr. Reede has made clear he has no...
- Settle!Copy !req
359. - Settle, settle, settle!
- I don't want to settle.Copy !req
360. Mr. Reede, you convinced me yesterday,
I'm the victim here!Copy !req
361. I'm starved for affection.
I'm driven into the arms of another man.Copy !req
362. - Seven!
- Yeah, whatever.Copy !req
363. With the story you came up with,
I don't think we can lose.Copy !req
364. - I want to proceed.
- Mrs. Cole, you don't understand.Copy !req
365. Mr. Reede. Do we have a settlement?Copy !req
366. No!Copy !req
367. - No, Your Honor.
There's no settlement.Copy !req
368. Trial to commence 1:30 sharp.Copy !req
369. It was me!Copy !req
370. Hi, Mr. Reede! Like my new dress?Copy !req
371. Whatever takes the focus off your head.Copy !req
372. - What's up, Fletcher?
- Your cholesterol, fatty! Dead man walking!Copy !req
373. - Hey!
- You're not important enough to remember.Copy !req
374. - What's it gonna be?
- A pockmark, eventually!Copy !req
375. Don't ask! For God's sake, don't ask.Copy !req
376. All right. You can beat this.Copy !req
377. It's all a matter of willpower!Copy !req
378. A test. Something small.Copy !req
379. Red. Red. All right? Now, focus.Copy !req
380. The color of this pen is...Copy !req
381. The color of this pen is...Copy !req
382. The color of the pen
that I hold in my handCopy !req
383. is royal blue!Copy !req
384. One lie, and I can't say it!Copy !req
385. I'll write it.Copy !req
386. Write it! Write it, or I'll break it off!Copy !req
387. No! Come on! Stop it.Copy !req
388. Boss? What happened?Copy !req
389. The pen is blue.Copy !req
390. The goddamn pen is blue!Copy !req
391. Mr. Reede, are you all right?Copy !req
392. - I gotta go home.
- Home? Was the case settled?Copy !req
393. No! I have to be in court at 1:30!Copy !req
394. - Then how are you going to go home?
- I don't know.Copy !req
395. Mr. Reede, Rubin and Dunn called.Copy !req
396. They need to know
where the Darvis settlement offer stands.Copy !req
397. I just proposed a settlement
to dick with them!Copy !req
398. "Dick with them. " Got it.Copy !req
399. Your mother called. You still on vacation?Copy !req
400. No.Copy !req
401. - Then you're here?
Yes.Copy !req
402. Thanks for clearing that up, sir.Copy !req
403. Audrey called. She wants to know
when you're picking up your son.Copy !req
404. I'm such a shit!Copy !req
405. - Hello.
- Audrey?Copy !req
406. Are you still picking Max up
from school today?Copy !req
407. Here's the thing. I really can't!Copy !req
408. I had a case I thought we'd settle, but didn't.
I have to go to court.Copy !req
409. - Right.
- It's true! I really want to see Max today!Copy !req
410. How about that. I really do.Copy !req
411. Things just keep coming up
at the last minute.Copy !req
412. - Yes, but this time it's different.
- I see. How is that?Copy !req
413. - Now I'm telling the truth.
- Then what were you doing last night?Copy !req
414. Having sex!Copy !req
415. Well, I hope that it was
with someone very special.Copy !req
416. No! I don't even like her,
but she's a partner.Copy !req
417. I thought I could help my career
by making her squeal.Copy !req
418. What's wrong with me?Copy !req
419. I'm getting what I deserve.
I'm reaping what I sow.Copy !req
420. - Is Dad still picking me up?
- No, Max, he's not.Copy !req
421. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna pick you up.
I'll work it out.Copy !req
422. I guess my wish didn't come true.Copy !req
423. - What wish?
- I wished for one day Dad couldn't tell a lie.Copy !req
424. Max?Copy !req
425. I have something important
to talk to you about.Copy !req
426. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
427. Hello.Copy !req
428. Let me explain.
Something has happened to me.Copy !req
429. Something else is about to happen to you.
Max and I are moving to Boston.Copy !req
430. - What?
- Jerry has asked me to marry him.Copy !req
431. Max and I are going this weekend
to look at houses.Copy !req
432. I thought it was semi-serious!Copy !req
433. It's just been given
a violent shove into serious.Copy !req
434. You can't move to Boston.
I'll never see Max!Copy !req
435. You'll have the same relationship
you have with him now, won't you?Copy !req
436. - Where are you?
- I'm going home.Copy !req
437. When you get there, stay there.
I'm coming over. We have to talk.Copy !req
438. - Fletcher!
- I'll be right there.Copy !req
439. La, la, la, la, la, la!Copy !req
440. - Fletcher!
- Holy hell!Copy !req
441. You can run, but you can't hide.Copy !req
442. What's your problem, schmuck?Copy !req
443. I'm an inconsiderate prick!Copy !req
444. Shit!Copy !req
445. - You know why I stopped you?
- Depends on how long you've followed me.Copy !req
446. - Why don't we take it from the top?
- Here goes.Copy !req
447. I sped, followed too closely,
ran a "Stop" sign,Copy !req
448. almost hit a Chevy, sped,
failed to yield at a crosswalk.Copy !req
449. I changed lanes at the intersection
without signalingCopy !req
450. while running a red light and speeding!Copy !req
451. - Is that all?
- No.Copy !req
452. I have unpaid parking tickets.Copy !req
453. Be gentle.Copy !req
454. Audrey! Wait!Copy !req
455. Wait, Audrey. Hold on. Wait!Copy !req
456. Wait!Copy !req
457. Wait? I just had an insight into myself.
I'm crazy.Copy !req
458. You call and say, "Wait, I'll be right over. "Copy !req
459. Here's the crazy part, I actually wait.Copy !req
460. - I can explain this.
- I have missed a department meeting.Copy !req
461. - Did you come in a cab?
- Yes!Copy !req
462. Where's your car?Copy !req
463. Thank you! I can't tell you
how much this means to me.Copy !req
464. I can. $1,654.11.Copy !req
465. How do you sleep at night?Copy !req
466. I'm taking this.Copy !req
467. You scratched my car!Copy !req
468. - Where?
- Right there!Copy !req
469. Oh, there.Copy !req
470. That was already there.Copy !req
471. Why, you...Copy !req
472. You liar!Copy !req
473. - You know what I'm going to do?
- What?Copy !req
474. Nothing! If I take you
to a small-claims court,Copy !req
475. you won't show up,
and if I win, you'll just stiff me.Copy !req
476. So I'm gonna piss and moan
like an impotent jerkCopy !req
477. and then bend over
and take it up the tailpipe!Copy !req
478. You been here before, haven't you?Copy !req
479. Well, I can't remember
when I've had more fun,Copy !req
480. but if you'll excuse me, I have a class.Copy !req
481. - You'd marry him 'cause you're mad at me?
- No, that's why I divorced you.Copy !req
482. - Wait. I want to talk about this!
- What do you want to say?Copy !req
483. Is this guy right for you? He is so not me!Copy !req
484. - That's one of his best qualities.
- But he's kind of Magoo.Copy !req
485. - I'm sorry.
- Sometimes maybe he is a little...Copy !req
486. - Magoo!
- Yes, but since we've been going out...Copy !req
487. - I'm not having this conversation with you.
- You can't go.Copy !req
488. - This is not fair.
- Fair?Copy !req
489. Let's define "fair. "
Last night a 5-year-old boy was crushedCopy !req
490. because his father lied to him
about coming to his birthday party.Copy !req
491. - Fair?
- Last night...Copy !req
492. Was none of my business.Copy !req
493. Two years ago, it was my business.
But I don't have to care anymore.Copy !req
494. That's the magic of divorce.
But it matters to Max!Copy !req
495. Everything you do matters,
and everything you don't do.Copy !req
496. Now let me tell you something.Copy !req
497. I'm a bad father!Copy !req
498. I mean...Copy !req
499. I'm a bad father.Copy !req
500. You're not a bad father, when you show up.Copy !req
501. What if I come right after court
and play ball?Copy !req
502. Then you and I can talk
before you make any rash decisions!Copy !req
503. No, we are leaving tonight.Copy !req
504. Please. Give me one more chance.Copy !req
505. I'm throwing myself
on the mercy of the court.Copy !req
506. I lost you, but please,
don't make me lose Max, too.Copy !req
507. Give me a chance to be the father
I started out to be.Copy !req
508. - You're really coming?
- This is ironclad.Copy !req
509. This is the mother of all promises.
What time?Copy !req
510. 6:00.Copy !req
511. 5:50.Copy !req
512. All right.
But if I tell Max that you're coming,Copy !req
513. and you don't show up
and I have to see that look on his face,Copy !req
514. that heartbreaking look,Copy !req
515. we're going to Boston.Copy !req
516. If I don't show up, I'll pack you myself.Copy !req
517. I will lovingly wrap your knickknacks
with bubble paper.Copy !req
518. I hope so.Copy !req
519. Do you know what your son was doing
at 8:15 last night?Copy !req
520. He was making a birthday wish
that for just one dayCopy !req
521. his father couldn't tell a lie.Copy !req
522. Oh, my God! That's it!Copy !req
523. "I do not like them, Sam I Am.Copy !req
524. "I do not like green eggs and ham.Copy !req
525. "Would you like them here or there?Copy !req
526. - "I would not like them... "
- Excuse me.Copy !req
527. Hi. I'm Max's bad father. I'm his father.Copy !req
528. - Dad!
- Could I borrow him for just one second?Copy !req
529. - Monster Max!
- Dadzilla! You came to play catch?Copy !req
530. I'd like to, but I can't. I gotta talk to you.Copy !req
531. Your mommy told me about that wish
you made last night. It came true, Max.Copy !req
532. - You mean you have to tell the truth?
- Yes.Copy !req
533. - No matter what?
- No matter what!Copy !req
534. - Is wrestling real?
- In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.Copy !req
535. Will sitting near the TV set
make me go blind?Copy !req
536. Not in a million years.Copy !req
537. If I keep making this face,
will it get stuck that way?Copy !req
538. Uh-uh. In fact some people
make a good living that way.Copy !req
539. Now listen, Max.
You've gotta do something for me.Copy !req
540. I need you to take back that wish.Copy !req
541. - So you can lie?
- Yes.Copy !req
542. But not to you. You see, Max,Copy !req
543. sometimes grownups need to lie.Copy !req
544. It's hard to explain, but if...Copy !req
545. Here's a good example.
When your mommy was pregnant with you,Copy !req
546. she gained a good 40 pounds.
She ate everything.Copy !req
547. Daddy was scared.
But when she asked, "How do I look?"Copy !req
548. I said, "Honey, you look great.
You're beautiful. You're glowing. "Copy !req
549. If I had said she looked like a cow,
it would have upset her.Copy !req
550. My teacher tells me real beauty
is on the inside.Copy !req
551. That's just something ugly people say.Copy !req
552. Max, no one can survive in the adult world
if they have to stick to the truth.Copy !req
553. I could lose my case, I could lose
my promotion, I could even lose my job.Copy !req
554. I need your help, Max. Okay?Copy !req
555. Okay.Copy !req
556. Do whatever you did last night,Copy !req
557. only this time, make it an "unwish. "Copy !req
558. I did it.Copy !req
559. Excellent!Copy !req
560. Now, I just need a little test.Copy !req
561. - Did it work?
- Not like I'd hoped. Did you unwish it?Copy !req
562. - Only...
- What? Only what?Copy !req
563. Yesterday, when I wished it,
I really meant it.Copy !req
564. This time when I unwished it,
I only did it because you told me to.Copy !req
565. All right. Do it again.Copy !req
566. And this time, mean it.Copy !req
567. - But I can't!
- Why not?Copy !req
568. - Because I don't want you to lie.
- I explained this.Copy !req
569. I have to lie. Everybody lies.Copy !req
570. Mommy lies. Even the wonderful Jerry lies.Copy !req
571. But you're the only one
that makes me feel bad.Copy !req
572. Max, recess is over.Copy !req
573. Come on in!Copy !req
574. Mom says we're moving to Boston.Copy !req
575. That isn't for sure yet.Copy !req
576. She promised we'd talk about it tonight.Copy !req
577. I am coming!Copy !req
578. You believe me, don't you, Max?Copy !req
579. I'll see you later, buddy.Copy !req
580. - Fletcher. How's it hanging?
- Short, shriveled and always to the left.Copy !req
581. Boss, it's Skull.
He knocked over another ATM.Copy !req
582. This time at knife-point.
He needs your legal advice.Copy !req
583. Stop breaking the law, asshole!Copy !req
584. Boss, are you all right?Copy !req
585. My son hates me.Copy !req
586. Max loves you. I've seen you together.
You're his hero.Copy !req
587. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
588. Last night at his birthday party,
he made a wishCopy !req
589. that I wouldn't be able to lie
for one whole day.Copy !req
590. - Kids.
- It came true.Copy !req
591. - What?
- Max's wish!Copy !req
592. It came true.Copy !req
593. Maybe you should
just take a few days off.Copy !req
594. Didn't it seem weird to you
that I kept telling the truth all morning?Copy !req
595. Well, yeah, but...Copy !req
596. What are you saying?
That you are incapable of lying?Copy !req
597. That's right! I am incapable of lying!Copy !req
598. Just for today?
Apparently. Till 8:15 tonight.Copy !req
599. It's one of those 24-hour curses.Copy !req
600. Those are going around.Copy !req
601. - You don't believe me, do you?
- Of course not.Copy !req
602. How ironic!Copy !req
603. Ask me something
you think I would normally lie about.Copy !req
604. Remember a couple of months ago
when I wanted a raise?Copy !req
605. - I don't want to do this.
- The company wouldn't give me one,Copy !req
606. and I asked if you would give it to me
out of your own pocket,Copy !req
607. and you said the company wouldn't allow it,
because it would create jealousyCopy !req
608. among the other secretaries.Copy !req
609. Now. Was that true, or did you just not want
to pony up the dough?Copy !req
610. Greta, please!Copy !req
611. Judge Stevens, hi! Fletcher Reede.
I have to be in your court in half an hour.Copy !req
612. Judge Stevens, I badly need a continuance.Copy !req
613. Am I ill?
That is the perfect question for you to ask.Copy !req
614. Please lie to him for me!Copy !req
615. I remember when you bought me
this antique frame from Tiffany's. Tiffany's?Copy !req
616. Garage sale. $6.50 marked down from $10.Copy !req
617. I'll give you the raise!Copy !req
618. Here's your raise.Copy !req
619. Hi, Judge Stevens!
I know I haven't given you an answer yet,Copy !req
620. but illness could mean so many things.Copy !req
621. Can you hold? Hello? Mom!Copy !req
622. Hi! I wasn't really on vacation.Copy !req
623. Because I didn't want to talk to you!Copy !req
624. Because you insist on talking about Dad's
bowel movements, size, color, frequency.Copy !req
625. I'll call you later! Hello?Copy !req
626. Damn it! I cut him off.Copy !req
627. I cut off the judge!Copy !req
628. Greta! Don't leave!Copy !req
629. I'm on my knees in a $900 suit!Copy !req
630. Mr. Reede. Several years ago,
a friend had a burglar on her roof.Copy !req
631. He fell through the skylight,
landed on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg.Copy !req
632. The burglar sued my friend.
He sued my friend!Copy !req
633. Because of guys like you, he won!Copy !req
634. My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000.
Is that justice?Copy !req
635. No. I'd have got him $10,000.Copy !req
636. - Good-bye, Mr. Reede.
- Wait!Copy !req
637. I didn't understand! Ask me again!Copy !req
638. Have a nice day in court.Copy !req
639. - Hi.
- God in heaven!Copy !req
640. It's nice to see you, too. Are you busy?Copy !req
641. - Extremely.
- Good. Would you follow me, please?Copy !req
642. Did you know Mr. Allan himself
heads the partnership committee?Copy !req
643. Uh-huh!Copy !req
644. - You used to work directly for Mr. Allan.
- Yeah.Copy !req
645. Tell me. What do you think of him?Copy !req
646. He's a pedantic, pontificating,
pretentious bastard!Copy !req
647. A belligerent old fart! A steaming pile
of cow dung! Figuratively speaking.Copy !req
648. Really? How delightful. This way.Copy !req
649. Pardon me for interrupting your meeting.
Mr. Allan, you remember Fletcher Reede?Copy !req
650. Yes! Nice to see you again, Fletcher.Copy !req
651. I'll be observing you
in court this afternoon.Copy !req
652. I've been hearing
some good things about you.Copy !req
653. Fletcher has been telling me
how much he thinks of you.Copy !req
654. Tell Mr. Allan. What do you think of him?Copy !req
655. He's a pedantic, pontificating,
pretentious bastard.Copy !req
656. A belligerent old fart.
A worthless, steaming pile of cow dung.Copy !req
657. Figuratively speaking.Copy !req
658. That's the funniest damn thing
I've ever heard!Copy !req
659. You're a real card, Reede!Copy !req
660. I love a good roast!Copy !req
661. Do Simmons!Copy !req
662. Simmons is old!Copy !req
663. He should've been out
of the game years ago.Copy !req
664. But he can't stay home
because he hates his wife.Copy !req
665. You've met her at the Christmas parties.Copy !req
666. She's the one that gets plastered
and calls him a retard.Copy !req
667. You, Tom, you're the biggest brownnose
I've ever seen!Copy !req
668. Your head is so far up Allan's ass,
I can't tell where you end and he begins!Copy !req
669. Priceless!Copy !req
670. You have bad breath caused by gingivitis.Copy !req
671. You couldn't get a porn star off.Copy !req
672. Your hairpiece looks like
something killed on the highway.Copy !req
673. I don't know whether to comb it
or scrape it off and bury it in lime!Copy !req
674. Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate!Copy !req
675. Slut!Copy !req
676. I like your style, Reede!
That's what this stuffy company needs!Copy !req
677. - A little irreverence!
- Good! I'll see you later, dickhead!Copy !req
678. Dickhead! Priceless!Copy !req
679. Keep your eye on that boy.Copy !req
680. Dickhead!Copy !req
681. Third District Court
is now in session.Copy !req
682. The Honorable Judge
Marshall Stevens presiding.Copy !req
683. Afternoon, Counselors.
Are we ready to begin?Copy !req
684. No, sir! We are not ready to begin,
because my client has not arrived!Copy !req
685. Hurry! Move it!Copy !req
686. Here she comes to wreck the day!Copy !req
687. - Mr. Reede!
- Sorry, Your Honor.Copy !req
688. Go. Lupe, you keep those kids quiet.Copy !req
689. I'm not even close to kidding.Copy !req
690. Sorry. Billy threw up in the car.Copy !req
691. You brought your kids to your divorce?Copy !req
692. - Sympathy.
- It's working.Copy !req
693. I feel sorry for them already.Copy !req
694. Miss Appleton,
you may begin.Copy !req
695. From March 6 through June 12,Copy !req
696. I surveilled Mrs. Cole
at the behest of Mr. Cole.Copy !req
697. During that period, I noted that Mr. ColeCopy !req
698. left each day between 7:40 and 7:50.Copy !req
699. Thereafter Mrs. Cole
would frequently haveCopy !req
700. a male visitor arrive and stay
from one to four hours.Copy !req
701. I was able to take several photographs
of the male visitor.Copy !req
702. I see.Copy !req
703. Do you know what Mrs. Cole
and her male visitor didCopy !req
704. during these frequent visits?Copy !req
705. Well, they were good
about keeping the shades drawn,Copy !req
706. but I was able to make a recording
of one such session.Copy !req
707. Your Honor, as you are aware,Copy !req
708. under the terms
of the prenuptial agreement,Copy !req
709. if Mrs. Cole commits adultery,
she is entitled to nothing.Copy !req
710. With your permission, we'd like to play
the following tape recording.Copy !req
711. Here comes Big Daddy!Copy !req
712. Oh, God!Copy !req
713. Do it to me! Harder! Harder!Copy !req
714. Come on!Copy !req
715. How can it be proved that the male voice
on that tape is not Mr. Cole?Copy !req
716. You are such a better lover
than my husband!Copy !req
717. - I object!
- And why is that, Mr. Reede?Copy !req
718. - It's devastating to my case!
- Overruled.Copy !req
719. Good call!Copy !req
720. I gotta go.
I haven't cleaned your pool.Copy !req
721. Your witness.Copy !req
722. All right.Copy !req
723. Mr. Reede, you may proceed.Copy !req
724. How?Copy !req
725. Would the court be willing to grant me
a short bathroom break?Copy !req
726. - Can't it wait?
- Yes, it can.Copy !req
727. But I've heard if you hold it,
you can damage the prostateCopy !req
728. making it difficult to get an erection
or become aroused!Copy !req
729. - Is that true?
- It has to be.Copy !req
730. In that case,
I better take a little break myself.Copy !req
731. But you get back here immediately
so we can finish this.Copy !req
732. How am I going to get out of this?Copy !req
733. Think. Think.Copy !req
734. Think!Copy !req
735. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
736. I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind?Copy !req
737. I found him
like this in the bathroom.Copy !req
738. Somebody beat the hell out of him.Copy !req
739. - Who did this?
- A madman, Your Honor!Copy !req
740. A desperate fool
at the end of his pitiful rope!Copy !req
741. What did he look like?Copy !req
742. About 6'2', 180 pounds,
big teeth, kind of gangly.Copy !req
743. Have the deputy search the building.Copy !req
744. Yes, sir.Copy !req
745. Order! Order!Copy !req
746. Under the circumstances,
I have no choice but to recess this caseCopy !req
747. until 9:00 a. M. tomorrow morning.Copy !req
748. Unless, of course,
you feel you can still proceed.Copy !req
749. Can you?Copy !req
750. Yes, I can.Copy !req
751. I admire your courage, Mr. Reede.Copy !req
752. We'll take a short recess
so that you can compose yourself.Copy !req
753. Then we'll get started.Copy !req
754. Here you go.Copy !req
755. Hello?Copy !req
756. Dad?
- Max? How's it going?Copy !req
757. You know Paul and Emanuel
from across the street?Copy !req
758. They never want to play baseball with me.Copy !req
759. But I told them
I'm playing tonight with my dad.Copy !req
760. Now they want to play with us. Is that okay?Copy !req
761. Sure. The more the merrier.Copy !req
762. Coolest! Do you want to be Jose Canseco?Copy !req
763. Who else is gonna hit
that famous Nomo slider?Copy !req
764. - Mr. Reede.
- I gotta go now, Max.Copy !req
765. - I'll see you in a couple of hours. Bye.
- Bye, Dad.Copy !req
766. He's really coming! I'm gonna go change.Copy !req
767. Go ahead!Copy !req
768. Mr. Reede!Copy !req
769. "Mr. Reede!"Copy !req
770. This is my lawyer. He's a little unorthodox.
You'll get used to him.Copy !req
771. Mr. Reede, you remember Kenneth Falk,
the man from the tape.Copy !req
772. - How could I forget?
- Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
773. I've slipped into the seventh circle of hell,
thank you.Copy !req
774. Shouldn't we be going over our testimony
right now?Copy !req
775. Basically, the plan is,
I walk you through the tape.Copy !req
776. Step by step, I ask you questions.Copy !req
777. - And we give the explanation you made up.
- Exactly.Copy !req
778. So we lie? That sounds simple.Copy !req
779. Doesn't it!Copy !req
780. Then I'll finish up
with a dramatic series of questions.Copy !req
781. Something like: Mr. Falk,
isn't it true that you and Mrs. ColeCopy !req
782. have never made...Copy !req
783. I can't do it.Copy !req
784. I can't finish the question
if I know the answer is a lie.Copy !req
785. You may proceed, Mr. Reede.Copy !req
786. Respondent callsCopy !req
787. Kenneth Falk.Copy !req
788. Raise your right hand.Copy !req
789. Do you swear to tell the whole truth,
so help you God?Copy !req
790. I do! I mean...Copy !req
791. I do.Copy !req
792. Mr. Falk.Copy !req
793. Do you know my client, Samantha Cole?Copy !req
794. Yes.Copy !req
795. Isn't it true that your relationship
with my client is entirely platonic?Copy !req
796. I object, Your Honor!Copy !req
797. To yourself?Copy !req
798. Yeah.Copy !req
799. But I would like to rephrase the question.Copy !req
800. Mr. Falk, would I be accurateCopy !req
801. if I described your relationship
with Mrs. Cole as totally professional?Copy !req
802. I object, and I move to strike!Copy !req
803. Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on,Copy !req
804. but you better get to the point, and quick.Copy !req
805. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
806. Is your relationship
with my client entirely platonic?Copy !req
807. Not! Is not your relationship
with my client...Copy !req
808. "Bad baby, bad baby!"Copy !req
809. Did you ever not make...Copy !req
810. Did you...Copy !req
811. Mr. Reede!Copy !req
812. You had sex with her every time you met,
didn't you? Liar!Copy !req
813. - He's badgering the witness.
- It's his witness.Copy !req
814. You slammed her! You dunked her donuts!
You gave her dog a Snausage!Copy !req
815. You stuffed her like a Thanksgiving turkey!Copy !req
816. All right, it's true! I humped her brains out!
You happy?Copy !req
817. No further questions.Copy !req
818. No questions.Copy !req
819. You may step down.Copy !req
820. Do I dare ask you to call your next witness?Copy !req
821. I have no further witnesses.Copy !req
822. What are you doing? Call me!Copy !req
823. You do not understand. I can't lie.Copy !req
824. I can't do anything dishonest
until 8:15 tonight!Copy !req
825. Listen, you bastard! I want my money!Copy !req
826. I am not going to end up
a 31-year-old divorcée on welfareCopy !req
827. because my scumbag attorney
had a sudden attack of conscience!Copy !req
828. Thirty-one?Copy !req
829. If Mr. Reede has no further witnesses,Copy !req
830. then I have no choice
but to rule in favor of...Copy !req
831. Your Honor!Copy !req
832. I call Samantha Cole to the stand.Copy !req
833. Order.Copy !req
834. Order!Copy !req
835. - Knock it off!
- Sit down!Copy !req
836. Mr. Reede,
it is out of sheer morbid curiosityCopy !req
837. I'm allowing this freak show to continue.Copy !req
838. Mrs. Cole. If you dare.Copy !req
839. Mrs. Cole,Copy !req
840. is this a copy of your driver's license?Copy !req
841. - Yes.
- It says here you're a blonde. Are you?Copy !req
842. If you don't remember, perhaps Mr. Falk will.Copy !req
843. Brunette.
- Maybe it's on the tape.Copy !req
844. I'm a brunette!Copy !req
845. Thank you. Now, let's see.Copy !req
846. " 105"? Yeah! In your bra.Copy !req
847. - I object!
- You would!Copy !req
848. - Bastard!
- Hag!Copy !req
849. Quiet! Overruled! Weight?Copy !req
850. One-eighteen.Copy !req
851. All right, fine. I'm 127.Copy !req
852. Uh-huh! And it says here
you were born in 1964,Copy !req
853. but that's not true either, is it?Copy !req
854. - Is it?
- No.Copy !req
855. Tell me what it says here on
your birth certificate under "Date of Birth. "Copy !req
856. I object.
What does this have to do with anything?Copy !req
857. Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.Copy !req
858. "1965."Copy !req
859. Now let me get this straight.Copy !req
860. That would mean that you lied
about your age to make yourself older.Copy !req
861. But why would any woman want to do that?Copy !req
862. I changed it so I could get married.Copy !req
863. And the truth shall set you free!Copy !req
864. My client lied about her age!Copy !req
865. She was only 17 when she got married,
which makes her a minor,Copy !req
866. and in the great state of California,Copy !req
867. no minor can enter into any legal contractCopy !req
868. without parental consent, including...Copy !req
869. Prenuptial agreements.Copy !req
870. Prenuptial agreements!
This contract is void!Copy !req
871. So what if my client has been ridden
more than Seattle Slew?Copy !req
872. Community property applies.
She gets half of the marital assetsCopy !req
873. or $11.395 million!Copy !req
874. Jordan fades back. And that's the game!Copy !req
875. Nothing further, Your Honor.Copy !req
876. Order. Order!Copy !req
877. In light of this new evidence,Copy !req
878. the court must rule in favor of Mrs. Cole.Copy !req
879. She is hereby awarded
half the marital assets.Copy !req
880. The son of a bitch pulled it off!Copy !req
881. - I didn't know!
It doesn't matter. The contract's void.Copy !req
882. Order. Order.Copy !req
883. I understand both parties
have agreed to joint custody.Copy !req
884. - Is that correct?
- Yes.Copy !req
885. - Yes.
- No.Copy !req
886. I'm contesting custody.Copy !req
887. - What?
- If I get sole custody of the kids,Copy !req
888. that's another $10,000
in child support payments.Copy !req
889. You just won $11 million!Copy !req
890. Hey, I'm the victim here.
You said it yourself.Copy !req
891. Now I'm gonna hit him where it hurts.Copy !req
892. But you said he was a good father.Copy !req
893. So?Copy !req
894. Mr. Reede, do we have an agreement
on custody or not?Copy !req
895. No.Copy !req
896. I see.Copy !req
897. In that case, there will be a custody hearing
on the 19th at 9:00 a. M.Copy !req
898. Court is adjourned.Copy !req
899. - Come on, let's go.
- Daddy!Copy !req
900. Stop whining,
or I'll give you something to whine about!Copy !req
901. I want to go with Daddy!Copy !req
902. Come here, kids.
It's all right. Don't you worry.Copy !req
903. I promise we'll be together,
whatever I have to do.Copy !req
904. It's okay.Copy !req
905. For God's sake, will you give me those?
They're mine!Copy !req
906. Let go of Daddy!Copy !req
907. We're leaving now! Lupe, come on!Copy !req
908. Don't you have some checks to write?
You haven't paid for them yet.Copy !req
909. I love children.Copy !req
910. They give you so much leverage
in a case like this.Copy !req
911. You did an incredible job, partner.Copy !req
912. Look at him.
He's stunned. He can't believe it.Copy !req
913. Your Honor,
may I please approach the bench?Copy !req
914. We're adjourned, Mr. Reede.Copy !req
915. I think we've made a big mistake.Copy !req
916. Mr. Reede, I am tired and very cranky.Copy !req
917. I know, but this is just wrong, isn't it?Copy !req
918. I manipulated the system.Copy !req
919. Just because you bought it
doesn't mean I'm right. It's a technicality!Copy !req
920. Young man, having my judgment
mocked in my own courtCopy !req
921. is not something I'm prepared to tolerate!Copy !req
922. Tell that to the kids
when they're adopted by the Manson family!Copy !req
923. One more word out of you, Mr. Reede,
and I'll hold you in contempt!Copy !req
924. I hold myself in contempt!Copy !req
925. Why should you be any different?Copy !req
926. Bailiff, take him away!Copy !req
927. This man is a good father,
and children are not leverage!Copy !req
928. No, don't do this!
I have a date to play ball with my son!Copy !req
929. I can't be late! It's my last chance!Copy !req
930. I'm Jose Canseco!Copy !req
931. Phone call!Copy !req
932. I get a phone call!Copy !req
933. - Hello?
- Audrey, it's me. Don't hang up!Copy !req
934. I can't talk right now.
Our flight leaves at 8:00.Copy !req
935. I'm taking Max someplace
where you can't do this to him anymore.Copy !req
936. Wait! The most amazing thing
has happened to me.Copy !req
937. I'm a changed man! Just come
to the courthouse with $1,000 for my bail.Copy !req
938. Hello?Copy !req
939. - Time's up, pal.
- No, just one more call.Copy !req
940. Okay. Let's go.Copy !req
941. Ready?Copy !req
942. Will you get the door, please?Copy !req
943. Thank you.Copy !req
944. Mr. Reede, you made bail.Copy !req
945. Greta! Thank God!Copy !req
946. Am I too late?
Have you been sexually molested yet?Copy !req
947. Because I could circle the block.Copy !req
948. How did you know I was here?Copy !req
949. One of the other secretaries
called me at home,Copy !req
950. said you went all noble in front of Mr. Allan.Copy !req
951. I think I'm fired. Isn't that great?Copy !req
952. Maybe I'll start my own firm.
Do you need a job?Copy !req
953. I don't think you can afford me.Copy !req
954. I have to get my car.
Audrey's on her way to the airport.Copy !req
955. I could lose Max forever.
I can't let that happen. I love him!Copy !req
956. This truth stuff is pretty cool.Copy !req
957. I love my son! I love my son!Copy !req
958. I love my son!Copy !req
959. Need some change? Take everything!Copy !req
960. But it's not gonna make you happy.Copy !req
961. I love my son!Copy !req
962. - There you are!
- Hi.Copy !req
963. Just in time.Copy !req
964. This is the happiest moment
of my entire life.Copy !req
965. Oh!Copy !req
966. Well, mine...Copy !req
967. Well, ours also.Copy !req
968. Hey, Gipper.
I have something for you, young man.Copy !req
969. Watch yourself. It's the Claw!Copy !req
970. The Claw's coming at you.Copy !req
971. You're scared of the Claw.Copy !req
972. Jerry.Copy !req
973. It's okay. You don't have to...Copy !req
974. TowerAir flight 1511
to Boston is now boarding.Copy !req
975. That's us.Copy !req
976. - Ready to go?
- Yes. You ready?Copy !req
977. Great.Copy !req
978. Excuse me!Copy !req
979. What gate is flight 1511 leaving from?
It's an emergency!Copy !req
980. Gate number 123. You'll never make it.
The flight's already boarding.Copy !req
981. It takes a half-hour to get through security.Copy !req
982. There's another flight
tomorrow morning at 7:00.Copy !req
983. Flight number one-twenty...Copy !req
984. Welcome aboard flight 1511Copy !req
985. from Los Angeles
to Boston's Logan Airport.Copy !req
986. We'll be departing shortly...Copy !req
987. - Honey, can I help you?
- I'm fine.Copy !req
988. - Are you sure?
- Jerry, I can open the bag!Copy !req
989. Would you like anything
to drink before takeoff?Copy !req
990. Yes. Anything with alcohol, please.Copy !req
991. Audrey.Copy !req
992. If you'll focus on the screen,
we'll be running a safety video.Copy !req
993. How about that drink?Copy !req
994. Max!Copy !req
995. Wait!Copy !req
996. That ought to do it.Copy !req
997. Thanks! It's running great!Copy !req
998. Max! I'm coming!Copy !req
999. Max, where are you?Copy !req
1000. I love you.Copy !req
1001. Thank you.Copy !req
1002. That wasn't exactly the answer
I was looking for.Copy !req
1003. Thank you very much?Copy !req
1004. - I'm sorry. It's just...
- Too fast?Copy !req
1005. - It was too fast, wasn't it?
- No, it's...Copy !req
1006. Chemistry?
Whatever it is, we can work on it.Copy !req
1007. - No. It's just that...
- My God, it's Fletcher!Copy !req
1008. - No, this has nothing to do with him.
- It's Fletcher.Copy !req
1009. - What?
- Dad?Copy !req
1010. I made it! I'm late, but I made it!Copy !req
1011. What is he doing?Copy !req
1012. He came to see us off. Wave.Copy !req
1013. I won't let you go!Copy !req
1014. Shit!Copy !req
1015. Control 19, this is Tower 1511 heavy,
ready for takeoff.Copy !req
1016. - What was that?
- Looked like a shoe.Copy !req
1017. Pull over!Copy !req
1018. Pull this thing over!Copy !req
1019. Control 19, some idiot has hijacked
a flight of stairs. We're stopping this plane.Copy !req
1020. We copy.Copy !req
1021. Yeah!Copy !req
1022. You people are all doing a wonderful job!Copy !req
1023. That's far enough, folks.Copy !req
1024. He's my husband... Was my husband.Copy !req
1025. All right, go ahead.Copy !req
1026. Stay here with Jerry, and I'll be right back.Copy !req
1027. - Audrey!
- Fletcher!Copy !req
1028. Great news!Copy !req
1029. Both my legs are broken,
so they can't take me right to jail.Copy !req
1030. What were you doing? Are you crazy?Copy !req
1031. No, I'm thinking clear.
I've never been this clear!Copy !req
1032. - Dad?
- Creep.Copy !req
1033. - He was getting kind of upset.
- Are you all right?Copy !req
1034. I'm hurting here, though.Copy !req
1035. I'm a dope, Max.Copy !req
1036. All this time, you've been here,Copy !req
1037. and I could see you anytime, but I didn't.Copy !req
1038. Then your mom told me you were moving
to Boston, and I started thinking.Copy !req
1039. I could be sitting around sometime andCopy !req
1040. want to look at you
and hold you and play with you,Copy !req
1041. and I won't be able to.Copy !req
1042. I don't think
I'm gonna do too well with that.Copy !req
1043. I love you more than anything else
in the world, Max,Copy !req
1044. and you know it's true.Copy !req
1045. I couldn't say it if it wasn't true. Not today.Copy !req
1046. I love you, and I'll never hurt you again.Copy !req
1047. He's telling the truth, Mom.
He's not allowed to lie.Copy !req
1048. I made a wish, and anything Dad says today
has to be the truth.Copy !req
1049. Max.Copy !req
1050. It's 8:45.Copy !req
1051. You made the wish at 8:15.Copy !req
1052. I've been able to lie for the last half-hour.Copy !req
1053. - So you weren't...
- No, it was the truth!Copy !req
1054. I just wanted to be honest with you.
I always want to be honest with you.Copy !req
1055. Mom...Copy !req
1056. Do we have to go to Boston?Copy !req
1057. No, Max, you don't have to go.Copy !req
1058. I, on the other hand, do have to.Copy !req
1059. A hospital to run.Copy !req
1060. That's an open-ended ticket
if you ever change your mind.Copy !req
1061. Thank you.Copy !req
1062. Looks like he's got his father back.Copy !req
1063. Happy birthday, dear MaximusCopy !req
1064. Happy birthday to youCopy !req
1065. Max, make a wish.Copy !req
1066. Wait! I don't know if we should do this.Copy !req
1067. Oh, Fletcher, come on.
What are the odds of that happening again?Copy !req
1068. I guess you're right.Copy !req
1069. Max, go ahead.Copy !req
1070. Mom? Dad?Copy !req
1071. Max!Copy !req
1072. Did you wish for your mom and I
to get back together again?Copy !req
1073. No, I wished for Rollerblades.Copy !req
1074. Do you want to cut the cake...Copy !req
1075. Dad?Copy !req
1076. I'd love to.Copy !req
1077. But I have this horrible pain in my arm.Copy !req
1078. No, it's the Claw!Copy !req
1079. No one can stop the Claw!Copy !req
1080. No one can stop it!Copy !req
1081. Nothing can stop the Claw!Copy !req
1082. If I was a boxer, I would bounce
those things like Sugar Ray Leonard.Copy !req
1083. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1084. You brought your kids to your divorce?Copy !req
1085. - Sympathy.
- It's working!Copy !req
1086. I feel sorry for them already.Copy !req
1087. For this you will pay a terrible price.Copy !req
1088. It's working!
I feel sorry for them already.Copy !req
1089. Mrs. Cole...Copy !req
1090. A goose!Copy !req
1091. Including...Copy !req
1092. Prenuptial agreements.Copy !req
1093. Prenuptial agreements!Copy !req
1094. No! I'd have got him $10,000.Copy !req
1095. Good-bye, Mr. Reede.Copy !req
1096. No! Wait!
I didn't understand...Copy !req
1097. Shit.Copy !req
1098. Now, let's see. " 105"?Copy !req
1099. In your bra.Copy !req
1100. - Your Honor, I object!
- You would!Copy !req
1101. - Overactor!
- Jezebel!Copy !req
1102. He put me up to it. Tom Shadyac.Copy !req
1103. Yeah, sure he did.Copy !req
1104. Oh, no. They're onto me.Copy !req