1. One video camera... Beta! By golly.Copy !req
2. Good evening, my friend. Welcome.
So nice to see you.Copy !req
3. I need money to buy gas
so I can get out of this place.Copy !req
4. Yes, of course.Copy !req
5. You will be showing me
what is in the sack then?Copy !req
6. I can give you a hand. May I?Copy !req
7. Just open up here.Copy !req
8. Oh, my, my, my! What
is this horrible thing?Copy !req
9. He's a good luck charm.Copy !req
10. Yes, I can see it's working very well.Copy !req
11. Whatever you do, don't touch the medallion.Copy !req
12. No, I won't.Copy !req
13. I am giving you...Copy !req
14. - 10...
- No!Copy !req
15. $20.Copy !req
16. Goodbye.Copy !req
17. Come back soon!Copy !req
18. Oh, my! Only a face a mother could love.Copy !req
19. Nothing but junk!Copy !req
20. "Don't touch," he says,
because it might break. It's so cheap.Copy !req
21. Oh, my goodness. Gosh.Copy !req
22. Oh, Gupta, by golly.
You're a bloody genius.Copy !req
23. You're making a wonderful deal for $20.Copy !req
24. - (SCREAMS)
- (GRUNTS)Copy !req
25. I like Indian food! So spicy!Copy !req
26. Who are you?Copy !req
27. I'm a leprechaun, me lad,
and you're a greedy thief.Copy !req
28. For trying to steal me gold,
I'll be giving you some grief.Copy !req
29. Have a lie-down, lad.Copy !req
30. Nice leather!
I appreciate a good pair of shoes.Copy !req
31. Ah!Copy !req
32. Don't mind if I do!Copy !req
33. I think I'll whack you in the head
a dozen times until you're dead.Copy !req
34. Take it away! Take it away!Copy !req
35. - You're being afraid of this?
- Stay away, I'm warning you.Copy !req
36. I'll tear your eyes out
and I'll rip your face off.Copy !req
37. You're a bloody devilish creature!Copy !req
38. You wanted me gold,
and you suffer the consequences.Copy !req
39. Now I'll take what's mine,
and be gone from here.Copy !req
40. No! You and your gold belong to Gupta.Copy !req
41. Well, you missed us both.Copy !req
42. You wanna back up and try that again?Copy !req
43. - Sorry.
- It's all right, happens all the time.Copy !req
44. Do you know anything about cars?
'Cause this one doesn't work.Copy !req
45. - Name's Scott.
- Tammy.Copy !req
46. Tammy. Great.Copy !req
47. - What seems to be the problem?
- Obviously, I don't know. It just died on me.Copy !req
48. Well, let's take a look.Copy !req
49. Ah! Well, see, someone stole your engine.Copy !req
50. Start it up for me, if you can.Copy !req
51. - What do you think?
- Have you ever blown a rod before?Copy !req
52. I beg your pardon?Copy !req
53. The engine, I meant.Copy !req
54. See, you got your pistons,
and your rods, and...Copy !req
55. - You don't wanna know this, right?
- No, actually, I don't.Copy !req
56. I'll give you 10 bucks
if you give me a ride to work.Copy !req
57. Forget it.Copy !req
58. You don't have to pay me.
Where do you work?Copy !req
59. Chicago.Copy !req
60. Yeah, got me.Copy !req
61. Chicago.Copy !req
62. That's very good.
I would have taken you there, too.Copy !req
63. Where is it? I know it is here somewhere.Copy !req
64. Here it is. "Legends and Folklore."Copy !req
65. "Leprechauns."Copy !req
66. O'REILLY: Good day to ya.Copy !req
67. The name's O'Reilly,
and I'm here to tell you about leprechauns.Copy !req
68. Legend has it that they were once
magical elves in ancient timesCopy !req
69. who became obsessed with riches and gold.Copy !req
70. 96,Copy !req
71. 97,Copy !req
72. 98, 99...Copy !req
73. I'm one shilling short!Copy !req
74. Wow! Look at all the
lights! It's unbelievable!Copy !req
75. Yeah, it's a quaint little place.Copy !req
76. - So where do you work?
- The Lucky Shamrock.Copy !req
77. - What's that?
- It's a casino, Scott.Copy !req
78. What do you do there?Copy !req
79. - I'm a magician.
- Right on!Copy !req
80. Actually, right now,
I'm just a magician's assistant.Copy !req
81. But one of these days,
I'm gonna have my own act.Copy !req
82. I believe you.Copy !req
83. (SINGING) One little, two little
three little leprechaunsCopy !req
84. Four little, fiveCopy !req
85. little, sixCopy !req
86. little leprechaunsCopy !req
87. This place is unknown,
so I'll leave it here.Copy !req
88. Me own savings and loan.
I'll have nothin' to fear.Copy !req
89. Remember, his power lies in his gold,
and he'll use all his magic to protect it.Copy !req
90. Yes, try to protect it from this.Copy !req
91. So is this your first trip to Vegas?Copy !req
92. Yeah. Actually, I'm just passing through.
I'm on my way to LA.Copy !req
93. Oh.Copy !req
94. - You're gonna be a movie star?
- No, actually, I'm on my way to school.Copy !req
95. My first year of college.Copy !req
96. Great! It's a smart move.
Go to school. Learn something worthwhile.Copy !req
97. I just thought I'd swing through Vegas,
you know, see what it's like.Copy !req
98. Take my advice and don't stay long.Copy !req
99. Yeah?Copy !req
100. Vegas has a way of latching on to a person.Copy !req
101. You wanna go, but you can't.Copy !req
102. I'll remember that.Copy !req
103. O'REILLY: Potatoes are
a leprechaun's favorite meal.Copy !req
104. Like all good Irishmen, he loves his spuds,Copy !req
105. but he'll take a bite out of anybody
who threatens to steal his gold.Copy !req
106. Woe betide the man
who covets a leprechaun's shillin'.Copy !req
107. He'll batter and brain
them, he'll mangle...Copy !req
108. My, my, my!Copy !req
109. Now let us go find
your little brothers and sisters.Copy !req
110. In fact, let us find the entire family.Copy !req
111. If a mortal gets hold
of a leprechaun's gold,Copy !req
112. he'll be given one wish
for every shilling in his possession.Copy !req
113. He can have anything he wants
in the whole world.Copy !req
114. - (FOOTSTEPS SOUNDING)
- (GASPS)Copy !req
115. Thanks for the ride.
I really appreciate it.Copy !req
116. - Sure.
- Bye.Copy !req
117. Hey, I've never been inside a real casino.Copy !req
118. Oh, forget it. You gotta be 21.Copy !req
119. I know, but I thought maybe
you could sneak me in,Copy !req
120. so I can see what it's like inside.Copy !req
121. What do you think? This is like Disneyland
or something? I could lose my job for that.Copy !req
122. My boss could lose his license.Copy !req
123. And you will lose your shirt.Copy !req
124. Right. I didn't think
about that. I'm sorry.Copy !req
125. All right, look.Copy !req
126. If I get you into the den of iniquity here,
you gotta promise me something.Copy !req
127. - No gambling.
- Okay.Copy !req
128. Just take a look around,
see what you gotta see, and beat it.Copy !req
129. - I'm out of there.
- All right.Copy !req
130. So who do you work with?
I mean, magician-wise?Copy !req
131. - Right now, I'm assisting The Great Fazio.
- What's a Fazio?Copy !req
132. Well, Scott, a Fazio is a mediocre magician
who couldn't pull a rabbit out of a pet store.Copy !req
133. But it pays the bills.Copy !req
134. Remember now, no trouble, okay?
In and out.Copy !req
135. Okay.Copy !req
136. Maybe I could come see your show,
and we could have dinner afterwards.Copy !req
137. Er, it's a possibility, if I'm not busy.
Who knows?Copy !req
138. In you go.Copy !req
139. You are mine, you little bugger.Copy !req
140. You missed me! You missed me!Copy !req
141. If you're gonna linger,
I'll give you the finger.Copy !req
142. Stay away from me,
you steaming pile of cannibal dung!Copy !req
143. I'm a dangerous man!Copy !req
144. Stay away from me!Copy !req
145. Leprechauns do have their loveable side...Copy !req
146. Why, I remember
when Paddy McGinty's goat was sick with...Copy !req
147. I want me shilling!Copy !req
148. Oh, Yes, yes!Copy !req
149. All right.Copy !req
150. Whoa!Copy !req
151. Thank you, Melissa.Copy !req
152. - (GIGGLES)
- You're terrible.Copy !req
153. - Come on.
Yes!Copy !req
154. All right!Copy !req
155. Roll again, Father Bob!Copy !req
156. - Give me those dice here.
- More money.Copy !req
157. More money, more money. Here we go.Copy !req
158. Ready?Copy !req
159. Here she goes. Look at this!Copy !req
160. Yes!
- Whoo! All right.Copy !req
161. Excellent.Copy !req
162. What time is it?Copy !req
163. It's after 7:00. Where's Tammy?Copy !req
164. I don't know, damn it!
She's got work to do!Copy !req
165. What do you keep her around for anyway?
She's not worth a damn.Copy !req
166. She's got a way of filling out a costume.Copy !req
167. I could look just as good, you know.
Why don't you hire me?Copy !req
168. Twenty years ago, Loretta,
or should I say 20 pounds ago?Copy !req
169. I am not always gonna look
just like this, pally.Copy !req
170. No? You find the fountain of youth
or something?Copy !req
171. I've been saving my pennies, buddy boy,Copy !req
172. and one of these days,
I'm gonna come waltzing in that doorCopy !req
173. with everything packed
into all the right places.Copy !req
174. You need more than a boob job, Loretta.
You need a personality transplant.Copy !req
175. Bitch!Copy !req
176. I'm sorry I'm late, Fazio.Copy !req
177. I told you, you will address me
as "Great One."Copy !req
178. Off stage and on.Copy !req
179. You're a magician, not the Pope.Copy !req
180. I am your teacher. You
will show me respect.Copy !req
181. Right.Copy !req
182. Loretta.Copy !req
183. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
184. Throw me that lighter.Copy !req
185. Ow!Copy !req
186. - Are you doing the magic rings tonight?
- Screw the magic rings.Copy !req
187. Oh, my God!Copy !req
188. I've got something 10 times better.Copy !req
189. You're in the box,
I do the standard switch gag,Copy !req
190. and then I set fire to the box!Copy !req
191. The audience goes nuts,
thinking you're in there being burnt alive.Copy !req
192. I'm gonna call it "The Burning Beauty."Copy !req
193. Oh, God!Copy !req
194. What the hell is going on here?Copy !req
195. Fazio, is this the fabulous stunt
you wanted me to see?Copy !req
196. What are you, nuts?Copy !req
197. Only a moron would try something like this.
You believe this guy?Copy !req
198. It'll be great, Mitch.
I'll make sure she's got protection.Copy !req
199. Forget it. End of discussion.Copy !req
200. I'm not taking any chances
with my future headliner.Copy !req
201. How you're doing, babe?
You look sensational.Copy !req
202. - Thanks.
- Now, you.Copy !req
203. Get out there and mix with the suckers.Copy !req
204. Do something like...
Do some card tricks or something.Copy !req
205. Keep them entertained.Copy !req
206. Out of the question!
I work the main room! I'm a star.Copy !req
207. You're a schmuck.
Now get out there and earn your pay, Fazio.Copy !req
208. That goes for you, too. Break is over.
Back to work.Copy !req
209. So, you need anything,
you know who to come to, right?Copy !req
210. - Right. Right.
- Yeah.Copy !req
211. You keep playing hard to get.
You mark my words, you'll come around.Copy !req
212. I guarantee.Copy !req
213. I saw that.Copy !req
214. Rolling, rolling, rolling!
Where she stops, nobody knows.Copy !req
215. And winner, winner, winner!Copy !req
216. We have a winner!Copy !req
217. - To the sharp-dressed man!
- Thank you.Copy !req
218. You'll need a dump truck
to take it all home, mister.Copy !req
219. A rack for you.Copy !req
220. Here, this is for you.Copy !req
221. What a gentleman!Copy !req
222. Everyone's a winner today.Copy !req
223. Excuse me, sir, do you know
where I can cash a check?Copy !req
224. Are you old enough to be in here, kid?Copy !req
225. Oh-oh! Yes. You're old enough.Copy !req
226. Right over there. You have a good day.Copy !req
227. Hey, Mitch, how's it hanging?Copy !req
228. Hi, fellas!
Listen, not now, okay? I've got business.Copy !req
229. Stay here!Copy !req
230. What are you, a 44 regular?Copy !req
231. You know, I've got a plaid
that'll make you look 20 pounds younger.Copy !req
232. - What do you want, Art?
- What do I want?Copy !req
233. I want brown hair.
I want health insurance for all Americans.Copy !req
234. I want the Mets to get their shit together.Copy !req
235. Let's not worry about what I want,
let's worry about what I need.Copy !req
236. - I need my money.
- Tomorrow. Tomorrow's good.Copy !req
237. I'll stop by your store
and we'll take care of everything.Copy !req
238. - Tell him.
- Okay? Excuse me.Copy !req
239. Look sharp, be sharp.Copy !req
240. No, tell him the other
thing, the threat thing.Copy !req
241. You pay Arthur the money you owe him
or I will kill you.Copy !req
242. That's good.Copy !req
243. What are you, tough guys?
I got hemorrhoids tougher than you.Copy !req
244. Hey!Copy !req
245. On the other hand,Copy !req
246. why don't we meet a little later
over by the cashier's cage?Copy !req
247. How's 10:00 for you?
It's good for me if it's good for you.Copy !req
248. - 10:00? Wait, when do you take your break?
- 9:30.Copy !req
249. 9:30 to 9:45?
Think you can make it back by 10:00?Copy !req
250. - 10:00.
- Okay, 10:00.10:00's good.Copy !req
251. - You mind?
- Yeah.Copy !req
252. You buy off the rack, that's what happens.Copy !req
253. I could've taken him.Copy !req
254. No, no, he couldn't. You, bigger.Copy !req
255. Get 'em down, get 'em down,
before the wheel goes 'round.Copy !req
256. We're gonna have somebody lucky
before the night is over.Copy !req
257. You feelin' lucky? You feelin' lucky,
sugar? What you gonna do with all that?Copy !req
258. I believe I'll try this one.Copy !req
259. Dangerous man, I like it.Copy !req
260. And the wheel goes round and round,
no more bets, no more bets.Copy !req
261. Ah!Copy !req
262. There was an old man of Madras
whose balls were made of fine brass,Copy !req
263. so, in stormy weather,
they both clanged together,Copy !req
264. and sparks flew out of his arse.Copy !req
265. I'm finding this to be
a very funny and poetic leprechaun.Copy !req
266. I'm glad you liked it, lad.Copy !req
267. Now you left the door open,
so I assuming you wanted to see me.Copy !req
268. Yes. I'm wanting to
discuss things with you.Copy !req
269. - For instance?
- I want to negotiate.Copy !req
270. I am for giving you this medallion,Copy !req
271. which you are terribly, terribly afraid of,
for half your gold.Copy !req
272. Half me gold for a worthless medallion?Copy !req
273. This is my final offer!
You are taking it or leaving it.Copy !req
274. You got a deal, lad.Copy !req
275. Now, put it away, why don't you?Copy !req
276. Perhaps I'll do a little fishin'.Copy !req
277. I told you a terrible lie,
and now you're going to die.Copy !req
278. Eighteen red. We got a winner!Copy !req
279. I can't... I can't believe it!Copy !req
280. How could this happen to me?Copy !req
281. Place your bets, place your bets.Copy !req
282. Tough luck, kid.
So, you're gonna bet or what?Copy !req
283. Bet?Copy !req
284. - Get 'em down.
- You want me to bet?Copy !req
285. I had $23,000.Copy !req
286. Looks like you got a couple hundred.
You can get hot.Copy !req
287. Get 'em down, get 'em down.
Big spender, big spender.Copy !req
288. And the wheel goes round
and round and round, get 'em down.Copy !req
289. There you go.Copy !req
290. Where the hell were you?Copy !req
291. I told you,
the trap door keeps getting stuck.Copy !req
292. That's what I get for working
at a dump like this, nothing works.Copy !req
293. Get away from me! Get away from me!Copy !req
294. Get away!Copy !req
295. No more bets, no more bets!Copy !req
296. Feelin' lucky, Mr. Big Time Spender? Mr...Copy !req
297. Here she's dropping.Copy !req
298. - (ALL EXCLAIMING)
- Green, double zero!Copy !req
299. The house makes out. Sorry, folks!Copy !req
300. What have I done? I'm ruined, I'm finished.Copy !req
301. What, are you kidding me?
You're due, you're gonna make it big.Copy !req
302. - Place your bets!
- What?Copy !req
303. Yeah. Trust me.Copy !req
304. Bad streak of luck like that,
no way you're gonna lose.Copy !req
305. Get 'em down before the wheel goes around.Copy !req
306. - Really?
- Yeah, trust me.Copy !req
307. But I don't have any more money.Copy !req
308. Nice watch there.
Could bring a nice chunk of change.Copy !req
309. My grandpa gave me this watch
for graduation.Copy !req
310. Make him proud. Make a comeback. Win.Copy !req
311. Pawn shop across the street,
tell him Loretta sent you.Copy !req
312. Get 'em down, get 'em down!
She's dropping.Copy !req
313. Where's me shilling?Copy !req
314. I want me shilling!Copy !req
315. Help!Copy !req
316. No! No! No!Copy !req
317. Tell me where it is, or by me
sainted mother, I'll strangle ya!Copy !req
318. This must be the place.Copy !req
319. This is your last chance. I'm warnin' you.Copy !req
320. I want me shilling!Copy !req
321. Oh, no! What was I thinking?Copy !req
322. With all this killing,
I've lost me shilling!Copy !req
323. Hello!Copy !req
324. Anybody here?Copy !req
325. Hello?Copy !req
326. Oh, my God!Copy !req
327. Oh, man!Copy !req
328. I thought I had problems.Copy !req
329. Operator, listen.Copy !req
330. I'm in a pawn shop across the street
from the Lucky Shamrock Casino.Copy !req
331. And I found a dead person.Copy !req
332. Yeah, I'm sure.Copy !req
333. Yeah.Copy !req
334. All right, I'll wait right here.Copy !req
335. O'REILLY: A leprechaun is very territorial.Copy !req
336. He can never tolerate another leprechaun
crossing his boundaries.Copy !req
337. One leprechaun can be aggravating,
but two can be devastating.Copy !req
338. With that in mind, let's review
what we've learned about leprechauns.Copy !req
339. Number one, his power lies in his gold.Copy !req
340. Without it,
he's just another gnome full of mischiefCopy !req
341. Number two, each of his gold shillings
will bring a wish come trueCopy !req
342. to anyone who possesses them.Copy !req
343. A wish?Copy !req
344. I wish I was back at the casino
on a winning streak.Copy !req
345. I've lost him!Copy !req
346. He's got me shilling!Copy !req
347. He's got me shilling!Copy !req
348. What the heck am I doing here?Copy !req
349. There are no other bets, no other bettors.
Just the house and the golden boy.Copy !req
350. He's riding seven red,
let's see how lucky he gets.Copy !req
351. Hell! A seven red! We got a winner!Copy !req
352. You gonna let that ride, golden boy?Copy !req
353. And the luckiest man in Las Vegas
puts the whole load on 13 black.Copy !req
354. Thirteen black is up,
nobody else is betting.Copy !req
355. Ah! Lovely golden palaces
completely full of richesCopy !req
356. I'll rip them off and rob 'em blind,
those dirty sons of bitches!Copy !req
357. Yeah!Copy !req
358. Black 13! Another winner, another winner!Copy !req
359. This guy's got a hell of a winning streak.Copy !req
360. Winning streak.
I wished for a winning streak.Copy !req
361. - What the hell is going on here?
- Unbelievable. He can't lose.Copy !req
362. Two hours ago, he's losing his shirt.
Now, I can't stop him.Copy !req
363. Well, you better stop him, or else.Copy !req
364. Any other bettors? No other bettors!Copy !req
365. On the way to being a millionaire.Copy !req
366. Six black. Here we go!Copy !req
367. Come on, baby, make me a winner.Copy !req
368. And it's a...Copy !req
369. The hits just keep on coming!Copy !req
370. A winner!Copy !req
371. I've about had it with you, Loretta.Copy !req
372. I don't know. I did what you told me.
Something went wrong.Copy !req
373. Yeah. Well, you better get the money back
or something will go wrong, with you.Copy !req
374. You know what I mean?Copy !req
375. - Hmm-mmm.
- Good.Copy !req
376. "Golden Nugget." I'd like one of those.Copy !req
377. He's a winner again!Copy !req
378. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
379. due to a slight solacrivenance
in the stem of the wheel,Copy !req
380. the situation is thus.Copy !req
381. This table is closed, but it's only
temporary. So, come back in a little while.Copy !req
382. All right? Thank you very much.Copy !req
383. Thank you.Copy !req
384. Congratulations. You've had some...
Some amazing streak of luck.Copy !req
385. - I mean, truly amazing.
- Thanks!Copy !req
386. I don't know how it happened.Copy !req
387. I mean, I was losing everything,
then all of a sudden...Copy !req
388. Yeah, right.
You see, that's how it happens sometimes.Copy !req
389. Tell me, kid, you...
You staying here at the hotel?Copy !req
390. - No, actually, I'm not.
- Well, let's just change that.Copy !req
391. Here you go.
I would like you to be our guest.Copy !req
392. Anything you want, it's on me. Okay?Copy !req
393. Wow!Copy !req
394. - Thanks a lot!
- Oh, oh, no problem.Copy !req
395. Listen, why don't you just relax,
take a break, come back in an hour or so,Copy !req
396. and then see if you can keep
that winning streak going?Copy !req
397. - What do you say, kid?
- Yeah.Copy !req
398. Boy, I can't wait to get back into it.Copy !req
399. Man, Las Vegas is really
turning out to be a great place.Copy !req
400. Vegas, the greatest
little town in the world.Copy !req
401. I'll see you in a while, kid.Copy !req
402. We'll keep the same table
reserved just for you.Copy !req
403. - Okay, I'll be here.
- That's good.Copy !req
404. Jesus!Copy !req
405. Schmuck.Copy !req
406. Tammy, you won't believe what happened!Copy !req
407. What are you doing here?
You're not supposed to be gambling!Copy !req
408. - I won!
- All that?Copy !req
409. Scott, you said you wouldn't gamble.Copy !req
410. I know, I know,
but something happened to me.Copy !req
411. It's like I've got the fever or something.Copy !req
412. I mean, I was losing my shirt,
and then I went to pawn my watch,Copy !req
413. - and then I found a dead guy...
- You what?Copy !req
414. Yeah. At the pawn shop.Copy !req
415. But the next thing you know,
I'm back here at the casinoCopy !req
416. and I'm winning everything in sight.Copy !req
417. All right. Listen to me.Copy !req
418. They gave me my own room!
On the house, see?Copy !req
419. Scott, just shut up for a second
and listen to me.Copy !req
420. I want you to cash in your chips
and go home.Copy !req
421. Get in your car and leave Las Vegas.Copy !req
422. No, Tammy, no. Listen.Copy !req
423. All this happened because of you.Copy !req
424. I wanna share it with you.Copy !req
425. Scott! Oh, my God!Copy !req
426. Are you serious?Copy !req
427. Look, I got a show, I've gotta go.Copy !req
428. Just... All right, cash in the chips
and go up to your room and stay there.Copy !req
429. Don't let anybody in.
I cannot stress that enough.Copy !req
430. Nobody comes in.Copy !req
431. And keep the money right beside you.Copy !req
432. - Okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
433. When I'm done with my next show,
I'm gonna come up and we'll talk.Copy !req
434. - Okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
435. All right. I'll be up as soon as I can.Copy !req
436. This is so great! I mean, I can't...Copy !req
437. Shh! Scott.Copy !req
438. - Are you gonna cash those in?
- Yeah.Copy !req
439. - You've done well for yourself.
- Well, it was a good night.Copy !req
440. Nope.Copy !req
441. Me shilling!Copy !req
442. A lucky sign.
The gold inside will soon be mine.Copy !req
443. Fine suit of clothes, lad.Copy !req
444. Well, thank you. Thank you very much.Copy !req
445. Those shoes, do they come in blue suede?
I really like 'em, man.Copy !req
446. Well, thank you. Thank you very much.Copy !req
447. Hey, man, you do that pretty good.
Next time, make sure you get paid for it.Copy !req
448. Hey, man, see you on the flip side.Copy !req
449. Vegas! My kind of town!Copy !req
450. Thank you. No, thank you.Copy !req
451. And now, using all my magic, I will summon
forth a member of the animal kingdom.Copy !req
452. Fazio!Copy !req
453. Of course, the casino won't allow me
to use a real bunny.Copy !req
454. Oh, my God!Copy !req
455. Hello, little one.
What an interesting costume.Copy !req
456. Watch this.Copy !req
457. Oh, shit!Copy !req
458. A little token of my esteem,
it is exactly what it seems.Copy !req
459. Made fresh daily at exactly 9:00.Copy !req
460. It comes from my shillelagh,
you can keep it in a crock.Copy !req
461. - Fazio! Just the girl I wanna see.
- Not now! Some little butthead...Copy !req
462. What is that smell? Is that my shoe?Copy !req
463. - It's not my shoe. It was in my hand!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
464. Never mind. Have you seen
that little tramp that works for me?Copy !req
465. Tammy? Forget her.
Focus on that punk at the elevator.Copy !req
466. What about him?Copy !req
467. He just won over a hundred thou
at the roulette wheel.Copy !req
468. You're kidding me! How did you let him
get away with that much?Copy !req
469. Something went wrong.
Anyway, he still got it on him.Copy !req
470. Cash and carry.Copy !req
471. - In cash?
- He's got this gold coin I want.Copy !req
472. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
473. I figured we split the green,
I get the gold coin.Copy !req
474. You know, good luck charm.Copy !req
475. What's his room number? (GIGGLES)Copy !req
476. Room service?Copy !req
477. Like taking candy from a baby.Copy !req
478. - Go, man, throw me a winner!
- Yeah!Copy !req
479. Yeah! (LAUGHS)Copy !req
480. I never lose!Copy !req
481. Hey, Tony, look what we got here.
A high roller.Copy !req
482. - Move.
- Watch it?Copy !req
483. Nice duds. What is that, lederhosen?Copy !req
484. Take a break, pal.Copy !req
485. Hey, crappier, you give me them dice,
I'm feeling lucky.Copy !req
486. But I'm not through winning, lad.Copy !req
487. Get outta here.Copy !req
488. Looks like a slot machine! (LAUGHING)Copy !req
489. You wanna try your luck?Copy !req
490. This is my kind of place,
crooked and sleazy,Copy !req
491. stealing gold from humans is awfully easy.Copy !req
492. Look out, Vegas. I'm taking over.Copy !req
493. Money, money, money, money...Copy !req
494. It's good!Copy !req
495. Money, money is good.Copy !req
496. Money.Copy !req
497. That's silk. I'll keep that.Copy !req
498. Hey!Copy !req
499. What are you doing in my room?Copy !req
500. Ow!Copy !req
501. Room service.Copy !req
502. - What the hell...
- Now, me boyo,Copy !req
503. I smell me shilling.Copy !req
504. Tell me where it is
or there'll be another killing.Copy !req
505. What the hell are you?Copy !req
506. I'm a leprechaun, come to claim me gold.Copy !req
507. Yeah, give me hotel security.Copy !req
508. Yeah, I'd like to report
a leprechaun in your hotel.Copy !req
509. No, a leprechaun.Copy !req
510. Yeah, a little green guy.Copy !req
511. He tried to kill me!Copy !req
512. Hello?Copy !req
513. The coin. The bastard took my coin.Copy !req
514. Next time, I'll take the elevator!Copy !req
515. I have been looking all over hell for you.Copy !req
516. - You got the coin?
- Yes, I got the coin.Copy !req
517. I didn't find any money.Copy !req
518. - Gimme!
- Forget it! We're splitting it 50-50.Copy !req
519. We made a deal, that coin belongs to me.Copy !req
520. Yeah. Well, I didn't get the money,
so now we're splitting it.Copy !req
521. We are not gonna sell it, you putz!Copy !req
522. It's got powers.Copy !req
523. What are you talking about?
What kind of powers?Copy !req
524. Put it on the table,
you're not gonna believe this.Copy !req
525. It's amazing.Copy !req
526. Go on. Go on.Copy !req
527. - I can't, it's magically disappeared.
- "It's magic..."Copy !req
528. - Put it on the table!
- All right. What number?Copy !req
529. - Just any one! Any one!
- Eleven black.Copy !req
530. I don't get it.Copy !req
531. Get what? Are you losing your mind?Copy !req
532. It moves.
It moves to the winning number by itself.Copy !req
533. Oh, I see. It moves to the winning number
by itself, which means thatCopy !req
534. you're nuts!Copy !req
535. Look, I gotta go do my show.Copy !req
536. I want you to find a coin dealer,
get it appraised and we will sell it.Copy !req
537. I swear, on my mother's
grave, it has magic.Copy !req
538. Loretta, darling, if you want magic,
bend over.Copy !req
539. I'll pull a rabbit out of your ass.Copy !req
540. In the meantime, do what I tell you.
I'll see you tonight.Copy !req
541. Fazio!Copy !req
542. I know you've got work to do backstage.Copy !req
543. I'm gone.Copy !req
544. He's gone.Copy !req
545. - Did you get my money back yet?
- I'm working on it.Copy !req
546. - What is that?
- That is mine!Copy !req
547. That looks like gold to me. Give me it.Copy !req
548. - I said give me it!
- That is my personal property!Copy !req
549. I'm gonna keep this
until you get my money back for me.Copy !req
550. That's my personal
property. I want it back!Copy !req
551. Would you keep your voice down?Copy !req
552. One thing I can't stand
is a fat broad with a big mouth.Copy !req
553. Who's calling fat fat, Mr. Porker?
(SNORTING LIKE A PIG)Copy !req
554. Oh, really!Copy !req
555. Yeah, really. You couldn't get a woman
if your life depended on it.Copy !req
556. Oh, yeah? I could have
any broad that I want.Copy !req
557. Like that bubble head little bimbo,
Miss Tammy?Copy !req
558. Yeah, I could have Tammy if I wanted her.Copy !req
559. - Ha! You wish!
- Yeah.Copy !req
560. I wish!Copy !req
561. What was that?Copy !req
562. Mmm...Copy !req
563. If wishes were horses, a fat man like you
couldn't even get in the saddle.Copy !req
564. - Mitch! Mitch.
- Tammy, what's the matter?Copy !req
565. - I want you.
- You do?Copy !req
566. I want you more than any man
I've ever known in my life.Copy !req
567. Have you got a fever?Copy !req
568. Oh, right now, Mitch! Take me!Copy !req
569. Take me right here! On the floor!Copy !req
570. Yes!Copy !req
571. Fatso, huh?Copy !req
572. Well, look, whatever it is,
don't change a thing.Copy !req
573. - Now you just stay like this.
- Oh, yes!Copy !req
574. - Come on, let's go to my room.
- Yes.Copy !req
575. Mandatory drug testing for all employees,
that's it.Copy !req
576. - Mitchy, Mitchy...
- Yeah. We'll go right to my room.Copy !req
577. - All this time, Mitchy.
Boy, am I ready!Copy !req
578. I'm going to start pumping now.Copy !req
579. I don't look it, but I
can get really nasty!Copy !req
580. - You can?
- Yeah!Copy !req
581. Then you just do it.Copy !req
582. - Do I have permission?
- Yeah.Copy !req
583. - Come on, baby!
- Yeah!Copy !req
584. Wait a minute. That's what he said.Copy !req
585. "I wish."Copy !req
586. Oh, Mitchy, where have
you been all my life?Copy !req
587. I've been right here,
baby, waiting for you.Copy !req
588. Gimme a kiss!Copy !req
589. Mitchy.Copy !req
590. I like my loving the
same way I like my men.Copy !req
591. - Tough.
- Tough?Copy !req
592. And hard, like this.Copy !req
593. Ow!Copy !req
594. Ooh, that's wonderful!Copy !req
595. I wanna make you feel it, like this.Copy !req
596. - You're turning me on!
- I am?Copy !req
597. - I think I got the idea. Let me do it for you.
- Okay.Copy !req
598. - You like that?
- Oh, Mitchy! Yeah!Copy !req
599. Ooh! I love it!Copy !req
600. Now, can we... Can we do it?Copy !req
601. My boxers keep crawling up my butt.Copy !req
602. I hate that. I go with Jockeys now.Copy !req
603. Yeah. You know,
makes me feel like a sissy.Copy !req
604. Yeah.Copy !req
605. You can't hang like you really want to.Copy !req
606. - How do you want it hanging?
- Loose. I wanna be comfortable.Copy !req
607. - I like a little support.
- Yeah? Feels good.Copy !req
608. - How's my tie look?
- Fine. Good.Copy !req
609. - My socks are hanging down on my ankles.
- I hate that.Copy !req
610. I wear those ones
come over the calves, like tubers.Copy !req
611. Yeah. I'd get those garters,
but they make me feel like a sissy.Copy !req
612. Where the hell is that guy?Copy !req
613. Enough with the pain. Okay, no more pain.Copy !req
614. Sweetie, mama's gonna
make you feel so good!Copy !req
615. Well, good is good, pain is...Copy !req
616. What tasteful decor!Copy !req
617. Mitchy, it's like a museum.Copy !req
618. - Let's do it. Let's do it!
- Mitchy!Copy !req
619. - What? This is good.
- Down, boy.Copy !req
620. - Now, first...
- First what?Copy !req
621. - I'm gonna make you hot.
- Yes, I like that.Copy !req
622. - And then...
- What?Copy !req
623. I'm gonna make you burn.Copy !req
624. Burn?Copy !req
625. - (SNAPS FINGERS)
- (MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
626. Oh, boy!Copy !req
627. That's very nice.Copy !req
628. That's nice. That's good. Yes.Copy !req
629. Take it all off.Copy !req
630. Do it. Do it. Yes!Copy !req
631. You got real talent.Copy !req
632. Ooh!Copy !req
633. Yes!Copy !req
634. Have I got a wish for you!Copy !req
635. - Mitch?
- Come and get me, baby.Copy !req
636. What did you do to me?
How did you get me here?Copy !req
637. - Hey, wait!
- How did I get here?Copy !req
638. It's me, remember?
The love machine! Come on!Copy !req
639. - Get away from me! You letch!
- (GROANS)Copy !req
640. You bitch! You ball-breaking tease!Copy !req
641. You're fired as of tonight!Copy !req
642. You're finished in show business.Copy !req
643. You'll never get a job in this town again.Copy !req
644. Belongs to me, this gold I smell.Copy !req
645. Whoever's got it is going to hell.Copy !req
646. Potatoes!Copy !req
647. I was gonna make her a star.Copy !req
648. All she had to do was cooperate.Copy !req
649. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
650. What channel is this?Copy !req
651. What do you need her for, Mitch,
when you can have me?Copy !req
652. She called me Mitch?Copy !req
653. Take a look at these, Mitch.Copy !req
654. Coincidence.Copy !req
655. I like this.Copy !req
656. Here you go!Copy !req
657. Baked potato, broiled potato, French fries,
potato skins, potato saladCopy !req
658. and six potato pancakes.Copy !req
659. Anything else?Copy !req
660. There once was a lady of Totten,Copy !req
661. whose taste grew perverted and rotten,Copy !req
662. she cared not for steaks
or for pastries and cakes,Copy !req
663. but lived upon penis au gratin.Copy !req
664. Metallica!Copy !req
665. No, wait!Copy !req
666. White Zombie. I've got the album.Copy !req
667. Enjoy your spuds!Copy !req
668. What the hell did I just say?Copy !req
669. I'm coming for you, Mitch!Copy !req
670. I must be dreaming.Copy !req
671. I'm coming.Copy !req
672. - Come on, baby.
- I can't wait to reach you.Copy !req
673. Well, come and get me.Copy !req
674. Oh. Oh!Copy !req
675. - I must be dreaming.
- No.Copy !req
676. - I'm not dreaming?
- No.Copy !req
677. - This is nice. This is good.
- Mitch.Copy !req
678. What can I do for you?
Where did you come from?Copy !req
679. - I'll show you.
- What's the difference?Copy !req
680. Hey, you want my heat-seeking
moisture missile, don't you?Copy !req
681. What a lovely treat for
a fine lad like meself.Copy !req
682. What's wrong with me?
Why am I talking like that?Copy !req
683. - Hey, rich kid.
- Loretta!Copy !req
684. Eating up all your winnings already.Copy !req
685. - Where's Tammy? Have you seen her?
- (CHUCKLES)Copy !req
686. She's up in Mitch's office
getting her clock cleaned.Copy !req
687. - What?
- Life's a bitch, ain't it?Copy !req
688. - Where's Mitch's office?
- Third floor, Room 318.Copy !req
689. Elevator left, then a right. Bon appétit.Copy !req
690. That's the freak that broke into my room.Copy !req
691. Yeah, baby!Copy !req
692. Feeling sick? Stubbed your toe?
Call this lawyer. I'll fix your woe.Copy !req
693. Agony is my business. I'll fight for you!Copy !req
694. Even you, Mitch.Copy !req
695. Excuse me.Copy !req
696. Did you...
Did you hear my name mentioned?Copy !req
697. - No.
- Good!Copy !req
698. - Tammy. Are you all right?
- Stay away from me!Copy !req
699. - What happened? What's wrong?
- Nothing happened. Nothing's wrong.Copy !req
700. Just business as usual.Copy !req
701. What did he do to you? Tell me what he did.Copy !req
702. It's what he tried to do, okay?Copy !req
703. It's not like this is the first time
this has happened to me.Copy !req
704. It's just that this time,
along with everything else, I got fired.Copy !req
705. So let's just forget it.Copy !req
706. No. I'm not gonna forget it.
And neither are you.Copy !req
707. If we let him get away with it,
he'll do it again to somebody else.Copy !req
708. And I don't know about you,
but I'm not gonna let that happen.Copy !req
709. Praise the Lord!Copy !req
710. And send in your money!Copy !req
711. Otherwise, you're all doomed
to hellfire and damnationCopy !req
712. for fornicatin' with the devil's harlot.Copy !req
713. Especially you, Mitch.
You're a prime offender.Copy !req
714. - That just sounded like my name.
- No.Copy !req
715. - No?
- No.Copy !req
716. The signs
point to a tragedy about to happen.Copy !req
717. Casino owner diesCopy !req
718. in a bed of lies.Copy !req
719. - That was my name, right?
- Yes!Copy !req
720. Oh, shit.Copy !req
721. What the hell is happening here?Copy !req
722. No, no! You freak. Get off of me!Copy !req
723. Oh!Copy !req
724. Where the hell is that asshole? Come on!Copy !req
725. A dream. This is a bad dream.Copy !req
726. You'll get what's due
when I electrocute you!Copy !req
727. - (LAUGHS WICKEDLY)
- (CIRCUITS SCRAMBLING)Copy !req
728. Scott, um...Copy !req
729. Thank you.Copy !req
730. - Mitch.
- Sir?Copy !req
731. My God!Copy !req
732. Oh, Scott!Copy !req
733. Where's me shilling?Copy !req
734. - You again?
- What?Copy !req
735. Now, me boyo,
it's time to cut you down to size.Copy !req
736. Who are you?Copy !req
737. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
738. Mitch, I want my money,
and I want my money now.Copy !req
739. What the hell's going on here?Copy !req
740. You're in a lot of trouble, pal.Copy !req
741. - Out of me way!
- Hey! Stay there.Copy !req
742. I know you.
You're that guy from the craps table.Copy !req
743. You know, you really ought to go see
a dermatologist or something.Copy !req
744. That's really bad.Copy !req
745. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.Copy !req
746. That really hurt.Copy !req
747. We dance.Copy !req
748. Tell me, what was Judy Garland really like?Copy !req
749. They should have been willing
to give me me shilling.Copy !req
750. But I've done well by sending them to hell!Copy !req
751. What are we gonna do? He's a monster.Copy !req
752. Nobody's gonna believe us
if we tell them what we've seen!Copy !req
753. Scott, what's wrong?Copy !req
754. I don't know.Copy !req
755. My insides. It's like
everything's twisted up.Copy !req
756. - Oh, my God!
- What is it? What's wrong?Copy !req
757. - Your face!
- I'm in trouble, Tammy.Copy !req
758. Help me!Copy !req
759. Scott, we gotta get out of here.Copy !req
760. Like you said, who's gonna believe us?Copy !req
761. I don't know...Copy !req
762. That's where it all happened.Copy !req
763. - Where?
- At the pawn shop across the street.Copy !req
764. That's where I found the coin.
I think that's where the answer is.Copy !req
765. Let's go check it out.Copy !req
766. I smell me shilling.Copy !req
767. And the gentle fragrance
of a lady's perfume.Copy !req
768. Let it work, let it work, let it work.Copy !req
769. Let me be beautiful.Copy !req
770. Give me the body of a stacked 20-year-old.Copy !req
771. Please.Copy !req
772. I wanna be sexyCopy !req
773. and beautiful again.Copy !req
774. I wish.Copy !req
775. Oh! Yeah!Copy !req
776. Enter.Copy !req
777. Loretta?Copy !req
778. That's right, sweetheart.Copy !req
779. Little ol' me.Copy !req
780. Didn't I tell you one of these days
I was gonna turn it around?Copy !req
781. - But how?
- Magic.Copy !req
782. All I had to do was wish for it.Copy !req
783. Pretty. Yours?Copy !req
784. Man, oh, man, oh, mano-schewitz!Copy !req
785. Look at those tits!Copy !req
786. I wish I was a man so I could just
screw myself right to the floor.Copy !req
787. And I dare you to feel that ass, Fazio.
That's prime.Copy !req
788. - All you had to do was wish for it?
- You got it!Copy !req
789. - Thanks!
- You! Give that back to me!Copy !req
790. You give it back! Give it back right now!Copy !req
791. Thanks for the loan, Loretta. I owe you.Copy !req
792. You flaming faggola!Copy !req
793. But since there's a mirror in the room,Copy !req
794. I might as well just stick around
and enjoy it.Copy !req
795. All right, this had better work.Copy !req
796. I wish...Copy !req
797. I wish that I was the greatest magician
in the world!Copy !req
798. I am just so damn gorgeous.Copy !req
799. They're gonna want me like
they never wanted anybody before.Copy !req
800. And I'm gonna make 'em pay.Copy !req
801. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
802. I'm a leprechaun, me lass,
and I'm gonna make you pay.Copy !req
803. What do you want?Copy !req
804. Your boobs are big, your butt is small,
but still you're in for quite a fall.Copy !req
805. - What are you talking about?
- What, didn't you hear?Copy !req
806. Bigger is good, but jumbo is dear.Copy !req
807. I'll give you boobs that come out to here.Copy !req
808. My babies!Copy !req
809. What are you doing to my babies?Copy !req
810. Those delightful lips,
they'll get you some tips.Copy !req
811. But what about these?
Aren't they big enough to please?Copy !req
812. (SCREAMS) No! What are you doing?Copy !req
813. A delightful little slut.
But what about your butt?Copy !req
814. You little monster!Copy !req
815. Oh, my God!Copy !req
816. Feels like rain!Copy !req
817. Now that was quite a load
to have to explode.Copy !req
818. What a lovely lass.
I had to blow up your ass.Copy !req
819. But now I must hit the road.Copy !req
820. That's where I found the poor guy lying.Copy !req
821. - And you think the leprechaun did it?
- Who else?Copy !req
822. Now, there was something on the computer
about gold coins and wishes.Copy !req
823. Finding the leprechaun's
gold is hard to do.Copy !req
824. He sometimes keeps it in his hat,
or hides it in the loo.Copy !req
825. That's a big help.Copy !req
826. If you destroy his gold,
you destroy the leprechaun,Copy !req
827. but mortals
can never resist the power of gold.Copy !req
828. To them, being rich is more important
than doing what needs to be done.Copy !req
829. No way.
We find that gold, we're getting rid of it.Copy !req
830. - Oh, no! How can you say that, darling?
- What?Copy !req
831. I didn't say that. Did I?Copy !req
832. Oh!Copy !req
833. What's wrong?Copy !req
834. Get it out of sight!Copy !req
835. - What is it?
- Just get it out!Copy !req
836. Okay. Is that better?Copy !req
837. Yeah. I'm okay, I...Copy !req
838. I feel so weird.Copy !req
839. Look, Scott, I think we should
just get in your car and get out of here,Copy !req
840. - while we still can.
- I can't.Copy !req
841. You need to see a doctor.Copy !req
842. Not yet.Copy !req
843. There's something here,
something I need or want very badly.Copy !req
844. I don't know what it is.Copy !req
845. Maybe you should go.Copy !req
846. No way. I'm not leaving you, Scott.Copy !req
847. Wow!Copy !req
848. Look at all this stuff.Copy !req
849. Yeah, it's like a junkyard in here.Copy !req
850. Spooky.Copy !req
851. What exactly are we looking for?Copy !req
852. I'm not sure.
Some clue as to what happened to me.Copy !req
853. Wait here, darlin'. I
think I'm onto somethin'.Copy !req
854. I can smell it!Copy !req
855. Delicious!Copy !req
856. Ah!Copy !req
857. Isn't it lovely?Copy !req
858. A pot of gold for the taking.Copy !req
859. - Scott, you found it!
- Aye, that I did!Copy !req
860. We can destroy it.
Remember what the computer said?Copy !req
861. If we destroy the gold, we get rid
of the leprechaun once and for all.Copy !req
862. - Destroy it?
- Yeah! We have to.Copy !req
863. No, lass. We need to study it.Copy !req
864. Aye. We need to look at
what jingles and jangles.Copy !req
865. For science, you know,
is the study of angles.Copy !req
866. Scott! What is happening?Copy !req
867. Nothing. Nothing, my beauty,
nothing at all. I'm just being sensible.Copy !req
868. No, you're not!Copy !req
869. Don't take a leprechaun's gold!Copy !req
870. Not if you want to live to be ripe and old.Copy !req
871. - You're hurting me!
- Am I?Copy !req
872. Wow.Copy !req
873. What happened?Copy !req
874. I don't know, but don't let it happen
again, because you're scaring me to death.Copy !req
875. If anyone's scared to death,
then it'll be me doing the scaring.Copy !req
876. What...Copy !req
877. I don't like what I'm seeing.Copy !req
878. Two leprechauns is one too many, lad.Copy !req
879. Scott! The gold! The gold!
Make a wish. Wish him dead.Copy !req
880. All right, little monster!Copy !req
881. I wish you were encased in cement
at the bottom of the ocean!Copy !req
882. Oh, no, please! Anything but that!Copy !req
883. Ya silly little twit!Copy !req
884. Have you forgotten the charm?Copy !req
885. A leprechaun's gold can do him no harm.Copy !req
886. Scott!Copy !req
887. So, for pulling this trick,
I'll chop off your dick!Copy !req
888. Oh, me little darling!Copy !req
889. - Nice pitch.
- Come on!Copy !req
890. I pitch for the Vegas All-Stars.Copy !req
891. Oh, me achin' noggin!Copy !req
892. When I catch up with those two
I'll give them a good scragging.Copy !req
893. - Oh, no, Scott! Starting again?
- Yeah.Copy !req
894. My insides...Copy !req
895. I feel like I'm being torn apart.Copy !req
896. Oh, no!Copy !req
897. Scott, we're going to the hospital now!Copy !req
898. Get in!Copy !req
899. You can run, me boyo, but you can't hide!Copy !req
900. Scott!Copy !req
901. - What happened?
- He bit me.Copy !req
902. At the casino.Copy !req
903. Miss! Miss!Copy !req
904. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
905. - Can we get some help here?
- What's the trouble here?Copy !req
906. What the hell is this?Copy !req
907. Get me a gurney.
Get this man into isolation, stat!Copy !req
908. Come on!Copy !req
909. - Just wait here, miss.
- No, I wanna be with him.Copy !req
910. Nobody's gonna be with him
until we know what the problem is.Copy !req
911. Oh, God!Copy !req
912. - Get out of the road!
- Eat it.Copy !req
913. Looks like some kind of virulent fungus.
I've never seen anything like it.Copy !req
914. Must be metastasizing
down the right quadrant,Copy !req
915. moving into the lower thoracic area.Copy !req
916. Let's get this man on
antibiotics right away!Copy !req
917. Hold him, for God's sake! Hold him!Copy !req
918. Take it easy, son. We're here to help.Copy !req
919. Give him another sedative, damn it!Copy !req
920. Now listen to me!Copy !req
921. This may mean the difference
between living and dying.Copy !req
922. Do you have health insurance?Copy !req
923. Do you take Green Cross?Copy !req
924. Good God!Copy !req
925. Forktus glottis!Copy !req
926. What the hell is taking them so long?Copy !req
927. (ON PA)
Tammy Larsen, please report to the morgue.Copy !req
928. Oh, no!Copy !req
929. Tammy Larsen, please report to the morgue.Copy !req
930. Doctor, look at this!Copy !req
931. - That's his blood?
- What the hell is going on?Copy !req
932. Bring me his encephalogram.Copy !req
933. Really?Copy !req
934. Where's his EKG?Copy !req
935. If this is some sort of joke,
I don't find it at all amusing.Copy !req
936. Well, maybe he doesn't
need health insurance.Copy !req
937. Wow! Should I order
a few more tests, Doctor?Copy !req
938. Well, let's see...Copy !req
939. He can afford an MRI,
and let's give him a couple more EKGs,Copy !req
940. - and he can use a spinal tap.
- Maybe a bone scan?Copy !req
941. All right. Let's just start with every test
that begins with the letter A,Copy !req
942. - tomorrow we'll do the B's and Thursday...
- You play golf on Thursday.Copy !req
943. Well, this is an emergency.Copy !req
944. Hello?Copy !req
945. Hello?Copy !req
946. Is anybody here?Copy !req
947. Hello?Copy !req
948. Hello? Sir?Copy !req
949. Excuse me?Copy !req
950. Sir?Copy !req
951. Excuse me, sir...Copy !req
952. Oh, God! No!Copy !req
953. Let me go, you son of a bitch!Copy !req
954. Now, that's no way to speak about
me mother, bless her greedy soul.Copy !req
955. Now, me boyos, I'll be checking out!Copy !req
956. Take care of the patient!Copy !req
957. An angel of mercy!Copy !req
958. Nurse! Sedate this patient!Copy !req
959. Ah!Copy !req
960. Now that's what I call managed health care.Copy !req
961. What's that I smell?Copy !req
962. Would it be me brother from hell?Copy !req
963. Right. Now that you're in place,
I'll slice up your face.Copy !req
964. Oh, no! Scott! Scott, help me! Please!Copy !req
965. Now don't be afraid, lass.
I'll only remove the front part.Copy !req
966. Oh, no, please!Copy !req
967. I want me shilling!Copy !req
968. I don't have it. I swear, I don't have it.Copy !req
969. What a pity.Copy !req
970. Wait. I don't suppose you want that nose...
There will be no charge for removing it.Copy !req
971. No! No! No!Copy !req
972. Cut her nose and I'll hack off your toes!Copy !req
973. Back off, you renegade,
before I make you eat that blade!Copy !req
974. Power to power, you've much to learn,Copy !req
975. taller or shorter, I'll make you burn.Copy !req
976. Oh!Copy !req
977. Now where's me shilling?Copy !req
978. Fazio's the one with your shilling!
It's him you should be killing!Copy !req
979. Fazio's magic, pathetic and lame,Copy !req
980. will soon turn tragic
and me shilling I'll claim!Copy !req
981. Leave him alone. You've got what you want.Copy !req
982. No, me dear, you shall not pass.
I'll raise me boot and kick your...Copy !req
983. Put it away!Copy !req
984. Ladies and gentlemen, The Burning Beauty!Copy !req
985. A new illusion I have just developed!Copy !req
986. Now, for the first time on any stage,Copy !req
987. our lovely volunteer from the audienceCopy !req
988. trapped inside a burning hell.Copy !req
989. Will she come out alive?Copy !req
990. Or medium-well?Copy !req
991. He's going after the shilling.Copy !req
992. Fazio has it.Copy !req
993. I've got to destroy him to save meself.Copy !req
994. Is that possible? Will that work?Copy !req
995. I feel it. I'm part of whatever he is.Copy !req
996. Well, maybe we won't have to destroy him.Copy !req
997. If we can find the shilling,
we can wish you back to normal.Copy !req
998. Listen to me.
I don't want you going in with me.Copy !req
999. When we get to the casino, you drop me off.Copy !req
1000. I want you to get out of there.
Go someplace. Someplace safe.Copy !req
1001. No!Copy !req
1002. We started this together.Copy !req
1003. We're gonna finish it that way.Copy !req
1004. And now, a word of warning.Copy !req
1005. If any of you in the audience
are the least bit squeamish,Copy !req
1006. I suggest you leave the theater.Copy !req
1007. Fazio's illusions are very, very real!Copy !req
1008. - (LAUGHS)
- (CROWD APPLAUDING)Copy !req
1009. - Who the hell are you?
- No reason for alarm.Copy !req
1010. Just give me the coin
and you'll come to no harm.Copy !req
1011. It'd be a cold day in hell
before I give up this coin, pal,Copy !req
1012. so why don't you take a hike
before I call security?Copy !req
1013. You're making a mistake.
As a magician, you're a pathetic fake.Copy !req
1014. Scott, hang on! We're almost there!Copy !req
1015. Hang on!Copy !req
1016. Get me out of this thing. Do you hear me?
Get me out!Copy !req
1017. A pleasure it'll be
to get you out, and set you freeCopy !req
1018. with this!Copy !req
1019. With Fazio the Great,
we've had a good laugh.Copy !req
1020. Shall I start up this
saw and cut him in half?Copy !req
1021. Yeah or nay?Copy !req
1022. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!Copy !req
1023. - No!
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!Copy !req
1024. No, no, no!Copy !req
1025. My audience, no! No, you love me!
You love me! No!Copy !req
1026. I can't hear you, me dears!Copy !req
1027. No!Copy !req
1028. Oh, no!Copy !req
1029. Now, me boyo, where's me shilling?Copy !req
1030. You're bluffing!
There's a whole room full of witnesses.Copy !req
1031. Oh, too bad!Copy !req
1032. Forcing me to split in two
a nice young lad such as you.Copy !req
1033. I wish I was in Caesar's Palace right now!Copy !req
1034. No, lad. You've had your wish.Copy !req
1035. Now I'll have mine.Copy !req
1036. - (LAUGHING WICKEDLY)
- (WHIRRING)Copy !req
1037. This way!Copy !req
1038. Caesar's Palace...Copy !req
1039. Listen to me, everybody!
This man's a maniac.Copy !req
1040. For your own safety, get out of the room!Copy !req
1041. Come on, everybody, out, hurry!Copy !req
1042. Out!Copy !req
1043. Hurry, hurry! Oh, God!Copy !req
1044. Scott! The shilling! I wish Scott was...Copy !req
1045. - No wish for you, darling.
- (STRAINED GRUNTS)Copy !req
1046. Now I'll peel you like a grape.Copy !req
1047. Hold it!Copy !req
1048. Now wait, lad.
What are you doing? We're brothers.Copy !req
1049. I don't think so.Copy !req
1050. Scott, come over to the green side.
I'll make you rich.Copy !req
1051. - There it is, yours for the taking.
- You'll share nothing!Copy !req
1052. I know how you are, you're only bluffing.Copy !req
1053. Trust me, lad,
one devilish creature to another.Copy !req
1054. That's me boy. We're alike, me and you.
Evil as hell all the way through.Copy !req
1055. No, Scott!Copy !req
1056. He's not like you!Copy !req
1057. Don't listen to him.Copy !req
1058. She's right!Copy !req
1059. I'm not like you. I'll never be like you!Copy !req
1060. Put it down, lad, you can't hurt me.
You should know that by now.Copy !req
1061. Think of the gold, Scott,
the power it can give you.Copy !req
1062. The gold, Scott. His
power lies in the gold.Copy !req
1063. We'll share it, I promise.Copy !req
1064. Share this, pal!Copy !req
1065. (SCREAMING) No, not me gold!Copy !req
1066. Scott! Scott!Copy !req
1067. Oh, my God! You're back!Copy !req
1068. You're normal again.Copy !req
1069. I can't believe it!Copy !req
1070. I can't wait to get out of here
and leave this nightmare behind.Copy !req
1071. Well, we won't be leaving it all behind.Copy !req
1072. What do you mean?Copy !req
1073. I found this.Copy !req
1074. What do you think?Copy !req
1075. We can have just about anything we want.Copy !req
1076. It's your call.Copy !req
1077. I don't know,
I think I have everything I want.Copy !req
1078. You know something, sweetheart?Copy !req
1079. This could be the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.Copy !req