Lego DC Batman: Family Matters (2019)

1. Huh? At last,

2. Grundy find magic staff.

3. Now, Grundy rule world.

4. Huh?

5. Stop, Grundy! You're defacing a fragile and valuable piece of history.

6. Give up now before you do any more damage.

7. Damage? Grundy show you damage.

8. Huh?

9. Tank strong. Grundy stronger!

10. Grundy.

11. Oh!

12. Solomon Grundy, born on a Monday,

13. busted on a Tuesday for defacing ancient ruins.

14. Valuable artifacts like that staff belong somewhere safe,

15. and I know just the place to put it.

16. I'd like to thank our benefactor, Mr. Wayne,

17. for this wonderful addition to the museum.

18. It's nice to see the Wayne family name continue to inspire

19. and benefit the citizens of Gotham.

20. Mr. Wayne, a few words, please.

21. Thank you for coming.

22. Oh, um, thank you, Mr. Wayne.

23. Mr. Wayne, Billy Batson with WHIZ.

24. Whiz? Oh, the bathroom is around the corner...

25. Uh, that's not what I meant.

26. Mr. Wayne, would you care to comment on the rumors

27. that you're dating Selina Kyle?

28. No.

29. No, you aren't, or, no, you don't wanna comment?

30. - Pick one. - Uh, what about this?

31. Rumor has it your former ward Jason Todd has been missing...

32. Ah-ha!

33. What about the rumor that Wayne Enterprises

34. has a brand-new technology that will revolutionize automation?

35. Is it true that you like the color blue?

36. Also, can you spare $5 for a metro ticket?

37. Sweet.

38. Ugh, why didn't I say 10?

39. In my day, the paparazzi had manners,

40. and little cards that said "Press" in the hat band of their fedoras.

41. To the Batcave, Alfred.

42. I've been distracted from my war on crime

43. for five minutes and 30 seconds.

44. No telling what evil has cropped up in that time.

45. I'm afraid Gotham will have to survive a bit longer without you, Master Bruce.

46. There's a meeting at Wayne Enterprises that demands your attention.

47. - Reschedule it. - I have.

48. Ten times.

49. Ugh, being Bruce Wayne is the worst.

50. Sorry, old friend, crimefighting wins.

51. I'm old,

52. but not that old.

53. Is that Mr. Wayne?

54. Is that Mr. Wayne?

55. That's Bruce Wayne.

56. Honestly, I thought he was dead.

57. Honestly, I thought he'd be taller.

58. Which is weird because we're all the same size.

59. Wow.

60. Sir, we're ready for you in the boardroom.

61. More like, "Bored out of my mind room."

62. - Excuse me? - Uh, I said, "I look forward to it."

63. Time is money. What do you got?

64. I'm sorry, what did you say?

65. I said, "Let's start the meeting."

66. Go, go.

67. Mr. Wayne,

68. I know your time is precious,

69. but, boy, do we have something great in store for you.

70. Okay, uh...

71. Well, we've been developing a new piece of technology

72. that will revolutionize Gotham.

73. And, hey, the world.

74. Let me introduce, "Brother Eye."

75. It's a red light.

76. No, no. It's not just a red light.

77. It's so much more.

78. An example. Brother Eye,

79. what is the weather like outside?

80. It's sunny outside.

81. Yes, it's sunny.

82. Bravo. What else does it do?

83. It can do almost anything.

84. Uh, we have...

85. Um, should I...

86. Well, Brother Eye is connected to the rest of the city.

87. It controls all of Wayne Enterprises' machinery

88. including trains, airliners, traffic lights and more.

89. In fact, within the other room,

90. we have a Brother Eye automation factory

91. creating OMAC drones that can work on the app's behalf.

92. Oh, and in case you were wondering what OMAC stands for, it's easy.

93. Omni Mind and Community.

94. Water, sir?

95. Sparkling.

96. Uh...

97. Using a dormant satellite of Wayne Enterprises' in orbit,

98. we can cut the workforce by hundreds.

99. But don't worry, we have a plan to absorb those employees...

100. Bank robbery. Yes!

101. This looks like a job for...

102. No.

103. People in danger.

104. It's time that Batman leapt into... Action.

105. Hmm?

106. Continue.

107. Uh, as I was saying,

108. Brother Eye is already linked to all of Gotham city.

109. Since Wayne Enterprises is a part of all major aspects...

110. Mr. Wayne?

111. - Mr. Wayne? - Uh...

112. Yes, what? Sorry?

113. Uh, what do you think?

114. What do I think about...

115. Brother Eye?

116. It would reduce the amount of work for all of Wayne Enterprises,

117. including you.

118. You're telling me that this device can take over my job?

119. Well, I mean, yes.

120. If you wanted it to.

121. Perfect. That's amazing. Good job.

122. With Brother Eye in charge, I don't need to be.

123. Now, if you'll excuse me.

124. Oh, but what about the new legal council that we're hiring for...

125. Yeah, whatever you think is best.

126. Hmm.

127. Alfred, bring the car around. I need to get out of this building ASAP.

128. ALFREIs there an attack, sir?

129. Shall I alert the others?

130. The only attack is on my sanity.

131. I need to spend less time in meetings

132. and more time out in the real world

133. doing the important work.

134. Master Bruce, with all due respect,

135. Wayne Enterprises is your family's legacy.

136. Bruce Wayne uses the money it generates

137. for a lot of worthwhile causes.

138. Alfred, the only worthwhile cause is justice.

139. If I have to sit through another meeting

140. about some stupid computer program

141. I'll have to change my name to "Ripping My Hair Out By Its Roots Man."

142. That's a bit overdramatic...

143. Even for you, Master Bruce.

144. Is it, Alfred? Is it?

145. I'm done being Bruce Wayne.

146. He's a billionaire waste of space.

147. Always happy, with his perfect smile and chiseled features.

148. The envy of every man, and loved by everyone around the world.

149. Sounds dreadful, Master Bruce.

150. It is.

151. With this new Brother Eyeball or whatever it's called,

152. Wayne Enterprises doesn't need me.

153. In fact...

154. Alfred, I want you to sell the company.

155. Sir!

156. Firstly, might you reconsider?

157. Secondly, that's not something they taught us in butler school.

158. Oh, I'm sure there's a "how-to" video online.

159. In the meantime, put out a press release.

160. - Now let's go home. - Yes, Master Bruce.

161. Two-Face, it's time to implement Plan A.

162. Wowsers, it's dark in here.

163. You should turn on a light so you don't strain your eyes.

164. Oh, here we go. The lawyer's got something to say.

165. Surprise!

166. Don't mind goody two-shoes.

167. How can you be sure you can get them all alone?

168. Ooh, good question.

169. How? Because I know how Batman thinks.

170. I've heard that before.

171. Oh, I'm sure you have.

172. Probably from all the other villains you've teamed up with in the past.

173. That's your problem.

174. Always listening, never doing.

175. Do you know why you're always going to be a B-list villain, Harvey?

176. It's because you haven't realized

177. the most important rule for being successful.

178. Ooh, I wanna know. What's that?

179. Fortune favors the bold.

180. Fortune favors the bold.

181. Oh, hey!

182. It's attorney Harvey Dent.

183. Hey, Dent, what can you tell us about the rumors

184. of a mysterious Batman prowling the streets at night?

185. Oh, I can assure you, there is no such...

186. Look, it's Bruce Wayne.

187. Hey, Bruce, over here. Over here, Bruce.

188. Mr. Wayne, over here.

189. Hey, Harv, nice to see you.

190. - You're lookin' good, Bruce. - I love your suit.

191. Mister Wayne, a quote.

192. What do you attribute to all your success?

193. Oh, it all boils down to something my father used to tell me.

194. Fortune favors the bold.

195. Fortune favors the bold.

196. Now, run along, Harvey. We've got work to do.

197. Of all the...

198. We do not deserve to be treated like that.

199. I agree, but I also think he's right.

200. No, I don't think we're B-list, I mean, maybe an A-minus.

201. No, you nincompoop!

202. About what he said.

203. What that billionaire bum Bruce Wayne used to say.

204. Oh, you promised we would never talk about the "B" word.

205. Oh, stop whining, you big baby.

206. Wayne isn't worth the mental energy.

207. His flashy smile, his big house,

208. you know, if I had that kind of money, I would really do some good in this city.

209. "Wayne Enterprises for sale."

210. Would you look at that.

211. You know, what if I told you

212. there's a way that we could take care of Batman and Bruce Wayne

213. in one fell swoop?

214. I'm listening.

215. What if, instead of always fighting against each other,

216. we work together instead?

217. Me and you, like a team op?

218. Exactly. I think I know a way that we can change Gotham,

219. destroy Batman, and give Wayne the punishment he deserves.

220. Damian.

221. Are you done with your math homework?

222. I just finished.

223. - What about physics? - Done.

224. - Forensics? Escapology? - Done. Done.

225. And the three chapters on Mediterranean mythology,

226. and their relation to socio-economic philosophy?

227. Boring, but done.

228. Hmm.

229. What about your thesis on buildology?

230. Buildology? When am I ever going to have to build anything in the real world?

231. They've got master builders for that sort of stuff.

232. You'd be surprised.

233. So, you've finished everything?

234. Great! What do you say to two hours of patrol?

235. Really? You mean it?

236. Yes, but only two hours.

237. After that, straight back and work on your Esperanto, okay?

238. Yes!

239. Finally. I can't wait to get into something a bit more comfortable.

240. All right, Robin,

241. time to strike fear into the hearts of criminals everywhere.

242. We're going somewhere else?

243. No, I meant in Gotham.

244. Well then, why'd you say everywhere?

245. I have a question.

246. You have all these costumes in these cases.

247. I mean, that's Dick's, Barbara's, Tim's,

248. but whose is this?

249. That's Jason's.

250. Oh.

251. I'm sorry. Is he, uh...

252. Yes.

253. - Impossible! - What's wrong?

254. Someone got in.

255. Dead-end Alley, midnight.

256. Sweet. A mystery.

257. - I'll warm up the Batmobile... - No!

258. It's too dangerous.

259. I can handle danger. I love danger.

260. In fact, I wanted to ask you to change my name to

261. "Danger Lad."

262. Like, "Batman and Danger Lad."

263. I mean, just yesterday,

264. I used a fork to make a tuna fish sandwich

265. and a bowl of spaghetti. Same fork.

266. Cross-contamination is nothing to laugh about.

267. But it doesn't matter.

268. Whoever left the note left no fingerprints,

269. and knew the Batcave security system inside and out,

270. including how to escape the watchful eye

271. of our formerly most-trusted security protocol,

272. - Ace. - Hmm?

273. No, I'll go alone.

274. I want you to stay here

275. and work with Ace on his situational awareness.

276. You'll need to work on your sneaking skills, Nightwing.

277. I heard you three blocks away.

278. Oh, man, I thought I had you.

279. Hey, where's Robin?

280. At home, out of harm's way.

281. Batman, Damian isn't Jason.

282. Next subject.

283. As the world's greatest detective,

284. I deduce that you're here because you received the same note.

285. - Right here. - Me, too.

286. Hey, Babs.

287. Uh, Babs?

288. Batman, could you kindly tell your former Boy Wonder

289. that I am no longer speaking to him?

290. - Ugh. - Why?

291. If he happens to ask why,

292. explain to him that I texted him, like, two hours ago

293. and have not received so much as one emoticon in return.

294. I was just about to text back

295. and then I got this note.

296. Bat emergency trumps texting back.

297. - Check it out. - It takes zero seconds to text an emoticon.

298. Am I interrupting anything?

299. Impressive.

300. You could learn from her, Nightwing.

301. I couldn't hear her at all.

302. So, the Bat family gets a note to meet in an alley with one door at the end.

303. Shall we?

304. - Clear. - Clear.

305. Clear.

306. Robin,

307. I told you to stay in the cave.

308. No, what you said is help Ace with his situational awareness.

309. And I did.

310. Bark!

311. That's not what I meant and you know it.

312. It doesn't matter. I mean, there's nothing here.

313. It's a trap.

314. Robin, stay behind me.

315. - Robin. - Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Let's do this.

316. Kids. What are you gonna do, huh?

317. Nice moves, Batgirl.

318. Robin, did you hear something?

319. Maybe it was the wind.

320. I know it wasn't Nightwing because he's too busy to talk to me.

321. Ooh, burn.

322. Well, well, well,

323. looks like the Bat family got my invitations.

324. It's been too long.

325. Uh, do we know this guy?

326. Oh, come on, Richard.

327. You haven't figured it out yet?

328. You will.

329. What about you, Babs?

330. Katherine, Bruce?

331. And you, the new Robin.

332. Ridiculous.

333. He knows our secret identities.

334. I don't like the looks of this.

335. Then you'll hate what's next.

336. That's Gotham.

337. Wow, we've got a real Boy Wonder here.

338. Yeah, it's Gotham.

339. The city you're supposed to protect.

340. You'd think with Batman fighting crime at night

341. and Bruce Wayne using his vast fortune during the day

342. things would improve,

343. but they really haven't.

344. Have they?

345. Agreed. That's why, as of this morning,

346. I've sold my company to concentrate on crimefighting

347. full-time.

348. You what? What...

349. Tell me that doesn't affect the trust funds you've set up, right? Right?

350. No matter.

351. You've claimed stewardship of Gotham.

352. So I'll leave it up to the Dark Knight to save its streets.

353. I've planted five devastating devices throughout the city.

354. Four shown here and one, well,

355. let's keep that a surprise, shall we?

356. You have one hour to find the four.

357. If you stop them, I'll give you the location of the fifth.

358. If you don't, well,

359. you are a detective.

360. Red Hood, out.

361. You sold your company?

362. Since when? Why?

363. If we could just go back quickly to the trust fund thing.

364. All right, family meeting.

365. I have determined that being Bruce Wayne

366. cuts into valuable crimefighting time.

367. Case in point,

368. if I was in another boring meeting, would I have been here to save Gotham?

369. - We could do it. - I guess not.

370. My trust fund.

371. Whoever this mysterious madman is,

372. he's endangered the entire city,

373. and it's going to take Batman, not Bruce Wayne, to make things right.

374. I was able to download the coordinates of these threats around town.

375. Batwoman, you get the police station.

376. Batgirl, the fairgrounds.

377. Nightwing, take the train station,

378. and I'll check out the Monarch Theater.

379. What about me?

380. Studies show that kids your age need between

381. eight and twelve hours of sleep,

382. and that's what you're going to do.

383. You're kidding me.

384. You can't change the studies, Robin.

385. The studies don't lie.

386. I'm not going home. No way!

387. - Yes way! - No!

388. - Yes! - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

389. Okay, everybody, just cool your Batjets.

390. Batman, a moment.

391. Listen, Robin can go with me.

392. I'll make sure he's safe.

393. I'm not sure that this is the best course of action.

394. Well, I am.

395. He's not Jason, Bruce,

396. but if you keep pushing him away, maybe he will be.

397. Fine.

398. But if anything happens...

399. I know, I know, you'll make me help Plastic Man

400. when he gets stuck in his taffy-puller again.

401. All right, squirt, you're with me.

402. Sweet!

403. - Remember your training. - I will.

404. - And listen to Nightwing. - I will.

405. And please be careful.

406. Make it quick, Alfred.

407. I'm en route to stop evil, and I really don't want to split my focus.

408. Sir, good news.

409. I've successfully sold Wayne Enterprises.

410. Those "how-to" videos really did the trick.

411. I'm watching one now on how to open stuck jars

412. and it's absolutely...

413. That's fascinating, Alfred.

414. Huh?

415. My tires, they've been stolen!

416. Oh, you're in luck, sir.

417. I just saw a video on how to claim tire theft

418. on your insurance.

419. Maybe those "how-to" videos were a bad idea.

420. Hey, Gotham PD. Open up!

421. You'll never get away with this, Croc.

422. Batman will stop you.

423. Huh, Batman?

424. He's nothin'.

425. I'm stronger, faster and smarter than he'll ever be.

426. Don't worry, Commissioner,

427. when he shows up I'll prove to you

428. who the best man really is.

429. Then you're going to be very disappointed.

430. So, Batman decided to send a girl

431. to do a man's job.

432. No, he wanted it done right,

433. so he sent a woman.

434. Pretty big talk.

435. Ooh. Ooh!

436. Ouch.

437. Huh?

438. Ow, ow!

439. Ow!

440. Huh?

441. The bigger they are...

442. Um, excuse me.

443. On it.

444. Batwoman here. I've deactivated the device at GCPD.

445. It was being guarded by Killer Croc. So, be careful.

446. There's no telling what other surprises this Hood has in store for you guys.

447. Look out!

448. Huh?

449. She's unstoppable.

450. Nothin' is worth this.

451. What?

452. So, you're the new girl on the Bat block, huh?

453. Who are...

454. Aw, too bad for you.

455. Not creepy at all.

456. A funhouse?

457. What's fun about a creepy clown? Ugh.

458. Hmm.

459. Feeling a little light-headed.

460. I could use a snack.

461. Me, too.

462. What? Who are you?

463. I'm you, but better.

464. Maybe you should text Nightwing.

465. Oh, wait, he never responds,

466. so why bother?

467. I bet he texts Starfire back right away.

468. No.

469. Huh?

470. Scarecrow.

471. Aw, scared, Batgirl?

472. Sometimes mirrors can cast a scary reflection.

473. But don't worry,

474. soon you won't be scared of anything

475. ever again.

476. Keep it together, Babs. This isn't real.

477. It's just his scare toxin.

478. I have to get rid of it somehow.

479. Is Batgirl running away?

480. Hey, Scarecrow,

481. I'd like to introduce you to a big fan.

482. No!

483. Clever, Batgirl.

484. But even you can't stop me

485. from finishing what the Red Hood started.

486. Whoa!

487. So long, Batgirl.

488. Too late, Batgirl.

489. Now everyone will fear the Scarecrow.

490. What?

491. No!

492. Confetti?

493. Save me!

494. Oh.

495. Cheese!

496. Mommy.

497. Not bad, Batgirl.

498. Not bad at all.

499. And to think, I used to have a crush on you.

500. Yeah.

501. Mmm-hmm. No, don't worry, honey.

502. I'll be sure to pick up the diapers.

503. Citizen.

504. I need to Bat-commandeer your vehicle.

505. Um, honey,

506. I need to call you back.

507. I need your car in order to save the city.

508. Batman! Whoa!

509. Fred Dundelinger. Pleasure.

510. You wanna use my car?

511. - Oh, man. - Yes, I know. It's quite an honor.

512. Oh, gee.

513. You know, if it was any other day, I'd totally help out.

514. But my wife needs some saving of her own.

515. Uh...

516. Oh. I know.

517. Um, okay, how 'bout this?

518. I need to make a quick stop at Westmart,

519. and then I can drop you off wherever you need to go.

520. Fine.

521. Wow!

522. All right. Let's go.

523. Aren't you forgetting something?

524. - Hmm? - Seat belts.

525. Hands at nine and three,

526. and you might want to check your rearview mirror.

527. Okay. Well, sorry. Thought you were in a hurry.

528. You can't rush car safety, citizen.

529. Now, let's go.

530. And then I told him I was totally old enough to fight ninjas.

531. But he was all,

532. "Maybe when you're older."

533. I mean, come on.

534. Batman is just so unreasonable.

535. I know.

536. I mean, I was gonna text her back.

537. You have to give a guy a minute.

538. You can't just keep sending "thumbs-up" all the time.

539. I wanted to do something original,

540. like a smiley-face with a heart or something.

541. I hadn't figured it out.

542. Um, are we talking about the same thing?

543. Oh. Sorry.

544. You said Batman, not Batgirl.

545. Listen, no one knows how unreasonable Batman is better than me.

546. Oh, he used to make me so angry.

547. What changed?

548. One time, Two-Face had us trapped over this pool of robotic sharks.

549. It was either him or me.

550. Well, what happened?

551. What did Batman do?

552. He didn't hesitate.

553. He offered himself up to be thrown in with the sharks.

554. That's when I realized he cares more for me,

555. for you,

556. than he'll ever care for himself.

557. Robin, the only reason he's so hard on you

558. is he wants you to be safe.

559. I'm safe.

560. I am Mr. Safe!

561. "Mr. Safe," huh?

562. Snow? At this time of year?

563. Something fishy's going on. That's for sure.

564. Ow!

565. Move!

566. Riddle me this.

567. What do you call a bird in winter?

568. A brrrd!

569. Riddle me this.

570. What do you call two criminals who're about to go to prison?

571. What?

572. The... Uh...

573. Uh, I... I got nothing.

574. You're going to Blackgate.

575. We're not caged that easily, bird-boy.

576. They don't look scary.

577. You had to say something, didn't you?

578. Now, are you two gonna come quietly or...

579. Hey! Where'd they go?

580. Bye-bye, Bat-babies.

581. You're not getting away that easily.

582. Robin, wait!

583. I'm in so much trouble.

584. Faster, Penguin. That little pest is gaining on us.

585. This should slow him down.

586. I'm in so much trouble.

587. Huh?

588. I guess Batman was right.

589. Buildology for the win.

590. Penguin, my friend.

591. What has full pockets,

592. a private island, and no bats?

593. Tell me, Riddler.

594. After Red Hood's check clears,

595. we do.

596. Whoo-hoo!

597. Huh?

598. Huh?

599. Like we said,

600. going to Blackgate.

601. Wow. I couldn't do it better myself.

602. Well, actually, yeah, I could.

603. Pathetic.

604. It seems he's not training them like he used to.

605. Ooh!

606. And here I thought this was gonna get boring.

607. Long time no see.

608. Huh?

609. Come on, Nightwing.

610. You can't win.

611. I know all your moves.

612. You think so?

613. Huh?

614. Still got it.

615. Up for a little race, circus boy?

616. No, no, really. The Batman.

617. No, it's not an excuse.

618. I promise. Oh, here he comes.

619. Okay, I'll call you back later. Love you. Bye.

620. All right. Let's go.

621. - You got the diapers? - Check.

622. - Comic book? - Check.

623. Autograph?

624. "To my best buddy, Fred."

625. That's F-R-E-D.

626. Okay, let's go.

627. Okay. Ooh, what about the ice cream?

628. I'll be right back.

629. Batman forgot the ice cream.

630. So, he knows some shortcuts, eh?

631. Well, so do I.

632. Not bad, old man.

633. And then there was one.

634. Good work, kind citizen. Your city thanks you.

635. No problem, Mr. Batman.

636. Good luck with whatever you're doing.

637. Uh, hey, quick question.

638. Sorry. Um, what was with your badge?

639. Like, why does Batman have a badge?

640. So people know I'm Batman.

641. But you are dressed like Batman.

642. It's pretty clear that you're Batman.

643. I got to go.

644. Okay, all right.

645. Oh, hi. I'm Billy Batson with WHIZ.

646. - I'm Batman. - Oh, man, the Batman.

647. If I land an interview with you,

648. I'm sure I can get some money for the orphanage.

649. - The orphanage? - Yeah.

650. Um, the orphanage I live in is having some hard times.

651. I guess Bruce Wayne decided to sell his company

652. and whoever bought it doesn't want to help out.

653. Who bought the company?

654. I don't know.

655. It's too bad Mr. Wayne doesn't know how much he means to Gotham,

656. or he'd never have sold.

657. Now there are a bunch of kids that need help with clothes,

658. food, you know.

659. It's why I'm doing my podcast.

660. If I can get a good story, maybe I can sell it

661. to make some extra cash for the other orphans.

662. That's very unselfish, Billy.

663. I will make this right.

664. But for now, I need you to leave.

665. Why?

666. Look who turned up for the show.

667. Harvey, you don't have to do this.

668. He's right. I don't.

669. Team up, remember?

670. Oh, yeah.

671. Sorry, Batman, I guess I do.

672. Especially after today.

673. We just closed a deal that's going to change Gotham forever.

674. Harvey, disable the device and let's talk.

675. Listen, I'll always give you a chance, Batboy.

676. Heads, I'll disarm this and walk away.

677. Tails... Well, you figure it out.

678. Aw, shucks.

679. Better luck next time, Bats.

680. Now, sit back, grab some popcorn,

681. and enjoy the show.

682. Who needs to wait until midnight for the party to begin?

683. Let's start dancing right now!

684. Billy, I'll distract him. You get out through the door.

685. But what about that device thingy?

686. I'll take care of it. Now, go.

687. Always have to do the right thing, don't you, Billy?

688. Stop this insanity, Harvey.

689. He doesn't know about our other plan.

690. Let's get out of here. Come on.

691. Quiet! It's only over when I say it is, Bats.

692. Oh, man.

693. Oh, no!

694. Which one? Which one?

695. The red wire, Billy.

696. Ha! You missed me!

697. Huh?

698. Show's over, Two-Face.

699. Where is the Red Hood?

700. Sorry. That's attorney-client privilege.

701. You're not getting nothing from me.

702. He said he had your family. He said this was all part of his plan.

703. You snitch!

704. Nightwing, Batwoman, can anyone read me?

705. Robin?

706. Hey, so looks like you made it to all my traps in time,

707. just like I knew you would.

708. Of course, that was the idea. You guys are much easier to pick off apart

709. than together.

710. Let them go!

711. How about we talk about it at home?

712. Um, Mr. Batman?

713. Where did Two-Face go?

714. Mark my words.

715. Someday, I'm gonna beat you.

716. That's pretty much what's gonna happen to you

717. when Batman gets here.

718. You think so, do you, Small Fry?

719. Leave him alone!

720. I was a true believer like you once.

721. Never thought Batman could do anything wrong.

722. But you know what?

723. He's just as human as you and me.

724. He likes to talk a good game,

725. but Bruce is so busy with his mission

726. that he's forgotten to care for those around him.

727. Heck, he just told Alfred to close his family business,

728. with no thought as to what that would mean for the city.

729. I'm sure Master Bruce has his reasons.

730. He always does.

731. Daddy's home.

732. Great dismount. I give you 9.5.

733. Deduction for the superhero landing.

734. It's so last year.

735. It's time to end this, Red Hood,

736. or should I say Jason Todd?

737. The second Robin? I thought you were dead.

738. You said I was dead?

739. No. Why would you think that, Robin?

740. I don't know.

741. The way you always avoided talking about him.

742. He wishes I was dead.

743. I'll give you this,

744. you really are the world's greatest detective.

745. What gave it away?

746. I began to suspect when you were relaying personal details

747. of everyone's secret identity.

748. The train station, where I met Damian's mother, Talia.

749. The police station, where Batgirl's father works.

750. The fairgrounds, where I first met Dick.

751. And, finally, the alleyway where I met you for the first time,

752. when you stole the wheels off the Batmobile.

753. You stole the wheels off the Batmobile?

754. Oh, dude, that is so cool!

755. Yeah. He was not happy.

756. Oh, I'm guessing he gave you that lecture

757. on how you have to "earn your own way in this world."

758. Well, you do.

759. Never mind he inherited, like, five billion dollars.

760. Right? And he still makes me do chores around the house

761. for an allowance of...

762. Five bucks a week.

763. Jason, how could you? We were family.

764. "Were" being the operative word.

765. After old man Bruce kicked me out,

766. I had no family.

767. You didn't even call or write.

768. Because you told me not to.

769. If you recall, I didn't kick you out, you left.

770. - Liar. - Batcomputer, playback.

771. Security feed, J.T., 2009.

772. Jason, there's a robbery downtown. I'm headed there now.

773. Cool. Let me know how it goes.

774. Jason, the Joker has escaped Arkham.

775. Again? Sheesh! Maybe they should up their security.

776. Jason, Mister Freeze is attacking City Hall.

777. One sec. I've almost beaten this thing.

778. What? Wait! No! No, no, no. No, no, no.

779. Well, now that you have the time,

780. how about you come help me save the city?

781. I can't believe you! I was so close!

782. It took me forever to get to the end, and you just pulled the plug.

783. You never let me do anything!

784. You need to get out, see the world.

785. You want me to see the world? Fine!

786. I'm sick of your Bat-rules and your Bat-curfew.

787. I'm out of here! I'm gone! I mean it!

788. There's nothing you can say to stop me.

789. I'm getting on my bike.

790. I'm just gonna drive out of here.

791. By myself.

792. Fine. I'm gone.

793. See? If you cared, you would have stopped me, followed me.

794. Computer, task Satellite One to track Jason Todd.

795. Weekly updates.

796. No, daily updates to my phone.

797. You tasked an entire satellite to follow me wherever I went?

798. I knew that you needed to leave the cave,

799. step out into the world, define your destiny.

800. I did my best to track you on all your adventures,

801. but I lost you somewhere over Tunisia.

802. - Oh, dear. - That's all well and good.

803. But there's still one last device out there, and it's about to go off.

804. Oh, don't worry about it.

805. Those devices weren't actually dangerous.

806. - In fact, they were filled with... - Confetti.

807. Bingo. I just wanted to get your attention.

808. Besides, Gotham is my city...

809. - No! - Computer, track the source of that explosion.

810. Brother Eye One.

811. That's the same satellite I used to track Jason.

812. I knew it! He's betrayed us again!

813. I swear, it wasn't me, it was...

814. Brother Eye.

815. Uh, what's a "Brother Eye"?

816. It's an automated AI authorized to take control of Wayne Enterprises'

817. various holdings just before the company was sold.

818. Uh, haven't we all seen sci-fi films? That's a horrible idea.

819. And who bought the company?

820. I thought you'd never ask.

821. Two-Face.

822. - But you work for me. - Used to work for you.

823. - Harvey, what are you doing? - What am I doing?

824. We're teaming up, remember?

825. You see, the Hood over there reminded us that we're never gonna be anything

826. other than a second-rate villain.

827. I needed to be bolder. As you know, fortune favors the bold,

828. so I bought Wayne Enterprises.

829. There's no way you could buy Wayne Enterprises.

830. Not on my salary, no, but after I found this really cool

831. "how-to" video on setting up dummy corporations,

832. all I needed to finalize the deal was a lawyer.

833. Me.

834. Those "how-to" videos really are quite informative.

835. Ooh, did you watch the one on how to open stuck jars?

836. Changed my life.

837. Mine too! Are you two done yapping?

838. And now that I'm in charge of Wayne Enterprises,

839. I can use Brother Eye to take over all of Gotham City.

840. Brother Eye.

841. If you please.

842. Initializing Gotham shutdown.

843. Oh, but wait,

844. there's more.

845. Brother Eye's OMAC drones.

846. Aren't they neato?

847. I may have two faces, but I've got only goal.

848. Proving I'm the best villain in the world.

849. What about you, Harvey?

850. This isn't like you.

851. I just want what I've always wanted.

852. Truth, justice and destruction of Batman.

853. Oh, yeah, the destruction of Batman and Bruce Wayne.

854. Bruce Wayne?

855. What did Wayne ever do to you?

856. What did he ever do for any of us?

857. He's a narcissistic jerk who has no regard

858. for his family's legacy or his own responsibility to Gotham.

859. Wayne owns half the city but it's a trash heap

860. because he doesn't pay any attention to it.

861. He neglects the things he's supposed to love.

862. This is what I'm saying.

863. Yeah, so we want Batman and Bruce Wayne to come to Wayne Enterprises,

864. tonight.

865. Or I'll tear this city apart,

866. brick by brick.

867. What's the plan, Batman?

868. - The plan is that you'll... - Don't say I'm gonna stay here,

869. because I'm not going to.

870. You've trained me to be the best,

871. and how can I fight crime if you don't let me, you know, fight crime?

872. I was going to say,

873. "You and the others will head into the city

874. "and keep the civilians out of harm's way."

875. Oh, heh.

876. Yeah, and what about you?

877. Simple, I have to break into Wayne Enterprises,

878. circumvent the world's best security system

879. and shut down Brother Eye all while convincing

880. Two-Face and Harvey Bruce and Batman are two separate people.

881. - I could help. - No, you've done enough.

882. Now, to your vehicles.

883. We've got a city to save.

884. There are hundreds of those OMACs.

885. There's no way we can stop them.

886. Don't freak out, Robin. We got this.

887. Ha! Too easy.

888. Huh?

889. How about I break up this party?

890. Permanently.

891. I'm en route, I'll deploy my net and...

892. Get off of my jet!

893. Uh-oh.

894. Need a little help?

895. Nice work, Robin.

896. All right, time to go OMAC hunting.

897. I hope Batman is having as much luck as we are.

898. I never thought that these secret doors

899. I had built to do escape work as Bruce Wayne

900. would be used to break in.

901. Ho-ho, irony.

902. You are hilarious.

903. As I surmised,

904. only one of you has made it.

905. Too bad, I guess that means goodbye, Gotham.

906. I don't know what you're talking about, Harvey.

907. Bruce is right here.

908. Oh, really? I don't see him.

909. Harvey, you have to stop this.

910. Stop this? You should've stopped being so irresponsible.

911. Me?

912. He has a point, you could be working harder for Gotham.

913. - Exactly. - Oh, you're one to talk.

914. All you do is fight crime with all those fancy gadgets of yours.

915. I employ people.

916. - I give them security. - Security?

917. Then why did you leave your company?

918. Oh, this is getting good.

919. - Mmm. - I needed a change.

920. In retrospect, maybe that wasn't the best decision.

921. Hey, hey, why do you keep moving behind that pillar, huh?

922. What kind of game are you playing, Batman?

923. You're the one playing games, Two-Face.

924. And I'm through losing.

925. At this rate, we'll be wrapped up before Alfred's bedtime,

926. which is astonishingly early.

927. Huh?

928. Heads up, guys.

929. And by heads up, I mean, look up.

930. There's some sort of nasty laser coming from the sky.

931. I thought you said we were wrapped up with these OMACs.

932. This isn't my fault.

933. I don't think.

934. It's always someone else's fault, isn't it?

935. We're not talking about the OMACs anymore, are we?

936. - No. - Yeah, didn't think so.

937. Something fishy's going on.

938. I only see Batman.

939. Where's Wayne?

940. You have till the count of three to show us Wayne.

941. Or else we let Brother Eye take out the whole city at once.

942. - One... - Listen,

943. Wayne isn't used to being up this early.

944. You know billionaires,

945. sleep all day, party all night.

946. Two...

947. I'm here. Just taking a nap.

948. Hmm.

949. These billionaires. So lazy.

950. Come on, Bruce, buck up. This will all be over soon.

951. Okay, I buy it.

952. Now the question remains, who has a better chance of talking sense

953. into Two-Face?

954. Bruce Wayne,

955. or Batman?

956. Don't shoot.

957. Oh, Harvey, buddy. Good to see you.

958. I am not your buddy, Bruce.

959. Where's Batman?

960. He, uh...

961. He was worried about the elevator safety certificate.

962. As the new owner of this building, you should know

963. it hasn't been inspected in some time.

964. Oh, nobody cares about that.

965. Batman, if you don't get out here right now,

966. you can say goodbye to Gotham's most eligible bachelor.

967. Freeze, Two-Face.

968. - Batman? - Batman?

969. I mean, yes, Batman is here.

970. Yes, the Dark Knight.

971. The creature who strikes fear in the hearts of criminals.

972. The world's greatest detective,

973. listen to my gruff voice and be intimidated.

974. Are you okay, Batman?

975. Sounds like you might have a cold.

976. I always sound like this.

977. Right, Two-Face?

978. Yes, I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

979. It's unmistakable.

980. He really doesn't usually sound like that.

981. See? No.

982. Harvey, come on, let's talk.

983. Why are you doing this?

984. Really?

985. Because I still believe in bringing order to chaos.

986. Gotham will be a better city with Harvey Dent running things.

987. And I'll be the top villain in this town

988. full of costumed creeps.

989. With the help of Brother Eye, we both come out on top.

990. Show them, Brother Eye.

991. Brother Eye does so much more than making the trains run on time.

992. It can use all the technology

993. at Wayne Enterprises' disposal to fix Gotham City.

994. Once and for all.

995. This is my fault, Bruce.

996. Why are you still talking to me like Batman?

997. But I can fix it!

998. No!

999. It's too late, Bruce.

1000. Batman is gone.

1001. The Bat family is about to be destroyed

1002. and Brother Eye is going to instill the order

1003. that Gotham so desperately needs.

1004. Whoo-hoo! Bat family has got this.

1005. Don't get too excited, Robin.

1006. Look.

1007. What are we gonna do?

1008. Without our vehicles, we don't stand a chance against those OMACs.

1009. They move like one unstoppable force.

1010. We could always run.

1011. Is that your solution to everything?

1012. I was going to text you back.

1013. I've seen you do a double-flip over two villains

1014. all while eating a sandwich and you can't send me an emoticon?

1015. - Guys... - An emoticon couldn't explain all that you mean to me.

1016. Emoticons can explain everything!

1017. Guys!

1018. Uh, Robin, what are you doing?

1019. It's simple, really. Batwoman gave me the idea.

1020. - I did? - Yeah.

1021. Without our vehicles, we don't stand a chance

1022. against those OMACs.

1023. They're designed as separate units that work as one,

1024. which means...

1025. If we combine our vehicles into two giant vehicles,

1026. maybe we can level the playing field.

1027. Buildology 101.

1028. Clever.

1029. So, we're gonna make a big ship

1030. by using...

1031. Whoa!

1032. This place looks like Darkseid's walk-in closet.

1033. Intruder, intruder.

1034. Voice analysis of intruder reveals insufficient gravel in your speech.

1035. Therefore, you are not the real Batman.

1036. Took you that long, huh?

1037. Now this is more like it.

1038. That cowl was way too restricting.

1039. So, listen, I'm gonna need you to shut down

1040. your operating system and stop this OMAC factory

1041. you got here.

1042. I'm afraid I can't do that, Red Hood.

1043. Gotham needs to be fixed.

1044. Fixed? Great, I mean, I agree.

1045. A new coat of paint, maybe a couple of coffee shops.

1046. Negative. Gotham is a hub for criminality

1047. and injustice.

1048. Therefore, it must be completely dismantled.

1049. Dismantled?

1050. What are you talking about?

1051. Only when the city is destroyed

1052. can it be rebuilt anew.

1053. Better without human fallibility.

1054. You think the best way to fix Gotham is to destroy everything in it?

1055. Correct.

1056. Yeah, not gonna happen.

1057. This is just like my favorite video game.

1058. And now, the final boss.

1059. Come out, come out, Bruce.

1060. I know you're under there.

1061. Harvey, can't we talk about this?

1062. I'm through talking. I... Both of us are.

1063. Sorry, total accident.

1064. Hold on, Harvey, I've got you.

1065. You'd save me?

1066. Even though I want the city destroyed?

1067. We all deserve a second chance.

1068. Even you, Harvey.

1069. Oh, that's so sweet.

1070. I just threw up in my mouth.

1071. Ugh. He's not kidding.

1072. But...

1073. That was cold, even for you, Harvey.

1074. I learn from the best.

1075. Now, to get into something more appropriate.

1076. I can only hope the others are holding up okay.

1077. All right, Robin, you do the honors.

1078. Get ready for the Bat family.

1079. Way to go, squirt.

1080. Our turn, Batgirl.

1081. Nightwing, are you all right?

1082. So, all I have to do is get hit by a giant laser

1083. to get you to talk to me again, huh?

1084. It's the satellite. Until that thing is shut down,

1085. we're never going to be able to stop those OMACs.

1086. Query, satellite records indicate you fled

1087. from Batman's employ.

1088. Your anger towards Gotham is cataloged.

1089. Why do you resist?

1090. Because Batman was right.

1091. Life isn't about sitting down and doing nothing.

1092. It's about getting out there and helping others.

1093. Helping your city, your friends.

1094. Your family.

1095. My blaster!

1096. Well, looks like I'll have to improvise.

1097. Please, don't.

1098. I would not advise that.

1099. External connection severed.

1100. Batman must've done it. They've all shut down.

1101. What about the satellite?

1102. - Uh-oh. - What "uh-oh"?

1103. I do not like "uh-ohs."

1104. The satellite. With its power gone,

1105. it's being pulled towards Earth.

1106. - So? - So,

1107. according to my physics homework,

1108. it'll reach terminal velocity before impact.

1109. And a satellite of that size means...

1110. My insensitive boyfriend, everyone.

1111. We have to stop it. Robin, can we move to an intercept course?

1112. Yeah, I think so.

1113. Do it.

1114. Is that wise? I mean, won't the impact destroy

1115. anything in its path?

1116. Yes.

1117. Batwoman, you are so hardcore.

1118. Yeah.

1119. I did it!

1120. I finally beat the final boss.

1121. The Hood? What happened to Batman?

1122. Not that it matters now. You've ruined everything!

1123. I'm going to have to end you like I ended Bruce Wayne.

1124. Almost ended Bruce Wayne.

1125. He's safe and currently unwinding at a hot rock and aromatherapy session.

1126. He was so upset, he booked 60 minutes.

1127. Which is 59 minutes and 58 seconds more than you have, Two-Face.

1128. This is gonna hurt.

1129. Is it over?

1130. Rule 446, when dealing with an advanced AI,

1131. - you always... - Back-up power restored.

1132. Secondary protocol engaged.

1133. - Secondary protocol? - Brother Eye, what is the secondary protocol?

1134. Brother Eye will supercharge the nuclear energy facility in Wayne Enterprises

1135. until it explodes.

1136. You have a nuclear reactor in the building?

1137. It's safe and clean energy, chum.

1138. I looked up "chum" by the way. It means fish cut up into shark bait.

1139. Brother Eye, shut it down.

1140. Unauthorized command.

1141. Unauthorized? What does that mean?

1142. Who's authorized?

1143. The CEO of Wayne Enterprises.

1144. He's the CEO of Wayne Enterprises.

1145. I'm here. Just taking a nap.

1146. These billionaires. So lazy.

1147. Come on, Bruce, buck up. This will all be over soon.

1148. Likelihood Batman is Bruce Wayne, 1%.

1149. Oh, man, could this night get any weirder?

1150. - Now! - Almost.

1151. Five, four, three, two, one...

1152. Eject!

1153. Best job ever!

1154. Whoo-hoo!

1155. Brother Eye, I'm sorry I fooled you.

1156. The truth is, Brother Eye, I'm Bruce Wayne.

1157. Query, why does Bruce Wayne hate his company?

1158. Why does Bruce Wayne hate me?

1159. I don't hate you, Brother Eye.

1160. Alfred, the only worthwhile cause is justice.

1161. If I have to sit through another meeting about some stupid computer program...

1162. stupid computer program...

1163. Listen,

1164. I can get so wrapped up in crimefighting and trying to save the world

1165. that I don't spend enough time thinking about other people's feelings.

1166. When my father built this company, it wasn't to help his bottom line.

1167. It was to help Gotham as a whole.

1168. I forgot that's what makes a community great.

1169. What makes a family great isn't leaving and starting over.

1170. It's learning to stick together.

1171. Especially in the tough times.

1172. I owe you both an apology.

1173. You have the ability to be heroes.

1174. And I'm sorry if my selfishness got in the way of that.

1175. Secondary protocol aborted.

1176. Apology accepted.

1177. Entering sleep mode.

1178. Oh, man, that was close.

1179. Jason, I meant what I said.

1180. - I never meant to hurt you. - That means a lot.

1181. - I'm sorry for running away. - Just promise me you'll never do it again.

1182. I promise.

1183. Now, how about we go home?

1184. Great idea.

1185. - Is my room still there? - Of course it is.

1186. Alfred turned it into a hot yoga studio

1187. but the actual room is still there.

1188. - Seriously? - Don't worry,

1189. there are 51 other rooms to choose from.

1190. And then, thank you,

1191. we stuck all our vehicles together and had to stop

1192. the satellite from crashing to the ground.

1193. I'm impressed, Robin.

1194. It's obvious to me that you are ready for more responsibility.

1195. - I totally am. - Excellent.

1196. Ace, here, needs to be walked.

1197. And after that, we'll go on patrol.

1198. Yes!

1199. Bark! Bark!

1200. Can I interest anyone in a post-fight croissant?

1201. Aw, you do care.

1202. You got room for a player two?

1203. I don't think you could handle it, old man.

1204. I defeated Darkseid, I think I can handle it.

1205. All right, the B button is for punching and the A button is for kicking.

1206. The A button is closer and kicking is more effective at long range.

1207. That's just the way it is.

1208. To access the various special moves,

1209. you need to hit the "Start" button.

1210. And which one is the "Start" button?

1211. No, no, not that one, that's "Select."

1212. So, select and start are different?

1213. Yeah.

1214. It sure was nice of Mr. Wayne to build this brand-new orphanage.

1215. Plus the exclusive he's going to give to my podcast.

1216. Speaking of which, I can't be late.

1217. Hmm?

1218. Huh?

1219. Billy Batson.

1220. You have been found worthy.

1221. That voice.

1222. Huh?

1223. Climb aboard

1224. for the adventure of a lifetime.