1. Hi!
Copy !req
2. I love that restaurant!
I heard Madonna went into labor there.
Copy !req
3. Oh, gosh, I have to go shopping.
OK. I'll see you tonight.
Copy !req
4. OK. Bye.
Copy !req
5. Bruiser, what's this?
Copy !req
6. "Good luck tonight.
Elle and Warner forever. "
Copy !req
7. That's so cute.
Copy !req
8. Oh, my gosh. You guys are so sweet.
Copy !req
9. But I'm not positive
it's gonna happen tonight.
Copy !req
10. Hello! He just had lunch
with his grandmother.
Copy !req
11. You know he got the rock.
Copy !req
12. Why else would she have
flown in from Newport?
Copy !req
13. It's not like she'd
FedEx a six-carat diamond.
Copy !req
14. Do you really think?
Copy !req
15. I can't believe
you're getting engaged!
Copy !req
16. Oh, my gosh. You guys have
to help me pick out the perfect outfit.
Copy !req
17. Come on.
Copy !req
18. I think you should go with
the red. It's the color of confidence.
Copy !req
19. I don't understand why you're completely
disregarding your signature color?
Copy !req
20. He's proposing. I can't look
like I would on any other date.
Copy !req
21. This is the date.
The night I'll always remember.
Copy !req
22. I wanna look special.
Copy !req
23. Bridal. But not like I expect anything.
Copy !req
24. There's nothing I love more than
a dumb blonde with Daddy's plastic.
Copy !req
25. You know how he gets excited...
Copy !req
26. Did you see this one?
We just got it in yesterday.
Copy !req
27. Oh! Is this low-viscosity rayon?
Copy !req
28. Yes, of course.
Copy !req
29. With a half-loop top stitching
on the hem?
Copy !req
30. Absolutely. It's one of a kind.
Copy !req
31. It's impossible to use a half-loop
top stitching on low-viscosity rayon.
Copy !req
32. It would snag the fabric.
And you didn't just get it in.
Copy !req
33. I saw it in Teen Vogue a year ago.
Copy !req
34. So if you're trying
to sell it to me for full price,
Copy !req
35. you picked the wrong girl.
Copy !req
36. Ow.
Copy !req
37. Girls, this is it.
Copy !req
38. In a few hours, I'll be the future
Mrs. Warner Huntington III.
Copy !req
39. Hello.
Copy !req
40. Wow.
Copy !req
41. You look so beautiful.
Copy !req
42. So do you.
Copy !req
43. Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
44. OK.
Copy !req
45. It must be strange
having such perfect eyes.
Copy !req
46. God, you're so wonderful.
Elle, thank you.
Copy !req
47. - Here's to us.
- To us.
Copy !req
48. Mmm!
Copy !req
49. - Elle...
- Yes.
Copy !req
50. One of the reasons I wanted to come
here tonight was to discuss our future.
Copy !req
51. I am fully amenable to that discussion.
Copy !req
52. Good.
Copy !req
53. You know how we've been having
all kinds of fun lately?
Copy !req
54. - Yeah.
- Well, Harvard is gonna be different.
Copy !req
55. Law school is a completely different
world, and I need to be serious.
Copy !req
56. Of course.
Copy !req
57. I mean, my family
expects a lot from me.
Copy !req
58. - Right.
- I expect a lot from me.
Copy !req
59. I plan on running for office some day.
Copy !req
60. And I fully support that, Warner.
You know that, right?
Copy !req
61. Absolutely.
Copy !req
62. But the thing is, if I'm gonna
be a senator by the time I'm 30,
Copy !req
63. I need to stop dicking around.
Copy !req
64. Oh, Warner... I completely agree.
Copy !req
65. Well, that's why I think
it's time for us...
Copy !req
66. Elle...
Copy !req
67. - ... Pooh Bear...
- Yes?
Copy !req
68. - I do.
- I think we should break up.
Copy !req
69. What?
Copy !req
70. I've been thinking about it,
and I think it's the right thing to do.
Copy !req
71. You're breaking up with me?
Copy !req
72. - I thought you were proposing.
- Proposing?
Copy !req
73. Elle! If I'm gonna be a senator,
Copy !req
74. well, I need to marry a Jackie,
not a Marilyn.
Copy !req
75. So you're breaking up with me
because I'm too... blonde?
Copy !req
76. No. That's not entirely true.
Copy !req
77. Then what? My boobs are too big?
Copy !req
78. Your boobs are fine.
Copy !req
79. So when you said you would always love
me, you were just dicking around?
Copy !req
80. Elle, I... I do love you. I...
Copy !req
81. I just can't marry you.
Copy !req
82. You have no idea the pressure
that I am under.
Copy !req
83. My family has five
generations of senators.
Copy !req
84. My brother's
in the top three at Yale Law,
Copy !req
85. and he just got engaged
to a Vanderbilt, for Christ's sake!
Copy !req
86. Bad salad.
Copy !req
87. Sweetie... Pooh Bear?
Copy !req
88. It's not like I have
a choice here, sweetheart.
Copy !req
89. OK, you get the car.
I'll get the check.
Copy !req
90. I won't be having salad.
Copy !req
91. Come on, let me take you home.
Copy !req
92. No.
Copy !req
93. Elle, believe me,
I never expected to do this.
Copy !req
94. But I think it's the right thing.
Copy !req
95. How can it be the right thing
when we're not together?
Copy !req
96. I have to think of my future
and what my family expects of me.
Copy !req
97. So you're breaking up with me because
you're afraid your family won't like me?
Copy !req
98. - Everybody likes me.
- Well, East Coast people are different.
Copy !req
99. Just because I'm not a Vanderbilt,
suddenly I'm white trash?
Copy !req
100. I grew up in Bel Air, Warner,
across the street from Aaron Spelling.
Copy !req
101. I think most people
would agree that's a lot better
Copy !req
102. than some stinky old Vanderbilt.
Copy !req
103. I told you, I need someone serious.
Copy !req
104. Well, I'm seriously in love with you.
Copy !req
105. Isn't that enough?
Copy !req
106. Pooh Bear, just get in the car.
Copy !req
107. No.
Copy !req
108. You're gonna ruin your shoes.
Copy !req
109. OK.
Copy !req
110. Morning, Amy.
Copy !req
111. Elle, it's Amy. I'm having trouble
with this whole lip-liner thing.
Copy !req
112. Sweetie, didn't you hear?
Copy !req
113. - Hear what?
- Oh... It's terrible. He dumped her.
Copy !req
114. Why me?
Copy !req
115. Because you're not gonna remember
anything after tonight.
Copy !req
116. Oh, you're wrong.
Copy !req
117. I will remember, no matter what.
Copy !req
118. And I'm never gonna lose you again.
Copy !req
119. You couldn't.
You're a part of me.
Copy !req
120. I love you.
Copy !req
121. Liar!
Copy !req
122. Honey, you have to leave this room.
Copy !req
123. It's been, like, a week.
Copy !req
124. - So?
- Drink this.
Copy !req
125. What's the one thing that always
makes us feel better, no matter what?
Copy !req
126. She had eight grilled-cheese sandwiches.
Copy !req
127. She just stuffed 'em in her mouth,
all at once. It was so sad.
Copy !req
128. We thought she'd be
the first to walk down the aisle,
Copy !req
129. and now she's totally adrift.
Copy !req
130. Totally.
Copy !req
131. She hasn't conditioned
her hair in a week.
Copy !req
132. Maybe she's
going for the grunge look.
Copy !req
133. And, like, her nails
are full-on chipped.
Copy !req
134. So trailer park.
Copy !req
135. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
136. - Do you know who this is?
- No.
Copy !req
137. - That's Warner's older brother.
- Who?
Copy !req
138. "Third-year Yale Law student,
Putnam Bowes Huntington III
Copy !req
139. and his fiancйe,
Layne Walker Vanderbilt,
Copy !req
140. first year, Yale Law. "
Copy !req
141. This is the type of girl
Warner wants to marry.
Copy !req
142. This is what I need
to become to be serious.
Copy !req
143. What? Practically deformed?
Copy !req
144. No!
Copy !req
145. A law student.
Copy !req
146. Elle?
Copy !req
147. Law school?
Copy !req
148. It's a perfectly
respectable place, Daddy.
Copy !req
149. Honey, you were first runner-up
Copy !req
150. at the Miss Hawaiian Tropics contest.
Copy !req
151. Why are you gonna throw that all away?
Copy !req
152. Going to Harvard is the only way
I'm gonna get the love of my life back.
Copy !req
153. Sweetheart, you don't need law school.
Copy !req
154. Law school's for people
who are boring and ugly and serious.
Copy !req
155. And you, button,
are none of those things.
Copy !req
156. - Harvard Law School?
- That's right.
Copy !req
157. - But that's a top-three school.
- I have a 4.0.
Copy !req
158. Yes. But your major
is fashion merchandising.
Copy !req
159. Harvard won't be impressed
that you aced History of Polka Dots.
Copy !req
160. What are your backups?
Copy !req
161. I don't need backups.
I'm going to Harvard.
Copy !req
162. Well, then. You'll need excellent
recommendations from your professors.
Copy !req
163. OK.
Copy !req
164. - And a heck of an admissions essay.
- Right.
Copy !req
165. And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
Copy !req
166. I once had to judge a tighty-whitey
contest for Lambda Kappa Pi.
Copy !req
167. Trust me. I can handle anything.
Copy !req
168. - Thanks.
- Welcome.
Copy !req
169. Because I have a metrabolism.
I have a really high metrabolism.
Copy !req
170. It's metabol...
Copy !req
171. Oh, my God. What are you doing?
Copy !req
172. Reading about the LSATs.
Copy !req
173. My cousin had that.
You get a really bad rash on your...
Copy !req
174. The LSATs are an exam.
Girls, I'm going to Harvard.
Copy !req
175. - You mean, like, on vacay?
- Let's all go!
Copy !req
176. Road trip!
Copy !req
177. No. I'm going to Harvard Law School.
Copy !req
178. Why?
Copy !req
179. Elle. Elle...
Copy !req
180. I know you're upset about all this,
but can't you just take a Percocet?
Copy !req
181. OK. Once Warner sees me as a serious
law student, he'll totally want me back.
Copy !req
182. It's a completely brilliant plan.
Copy !req
183. But isn't it hard
to get into law school?
Copy !req
184. I have the highest GPA in Delta Nu.
Copy !req
185. Oh, well. Here.
You're gonna need this.
Copy !req
186. - Your scrunchie?
- My lucky scrunchie.
Copy !req
187. It helped me pass Spanish.
Copy !req
188. You passed Spanish because
you gave Professor Montoya
Copy !req
189. a lap dance after the final.
Copy !req
190. Yeah. Luckily.
Copy !req
191. Oh, hi.
Copy !req
192. My name is Elle Woods,
and for my admissions essay,
Copy !req
193. I'm gonna tell all of you at Harvard
why I'm gonna make an amazing lawyer.
Copy !req
194. As president of my sorority,
Copy !req
195. I'm skilled at commanding the
attention of a room,
Copy !req
196. and discussing very important issues.
Copy !req
197. It has come to my attention
that the maintenance staff
Copy !req
198. is switching our toilet paper
from Charmin to generic.
Copy !req
199. All those opposed to chafing, say "aye. "
Copy !req
200. Aye.
Copy !req
201. Neither type of opera
or neither type of rap is on sale.
Copy !req
202. Neither type ofjazz
and neither type of opera is on sale.
Copy !req
203. Neither type of opera... "
Copy !req
204. - Party!
- Delta Nu, we love you!
Copy !req
205. Hey. Mm-mm.
Copy !req
206. OK.
Copy !req
207. I'm able to recall hundreds of
important details at the drop of a hat.
Copy !req
208. Hey, Elle, do you know what happened
on Days of Our Lives yesterday?
Copy !req
209. Why yes, Margot, I do.
Copy !req
210. Once again, we joined Hope
in the search for her identity.
Copy !req
211. She's been brainwashed
by the evil Stefano.
Copy !req
212. - Three...
- Get set, and go!
Copy !req
213. 143.
Copy !req
214. I feel comfortable
using legal jargon in everyday life.
Copy !req
215. I object!
Copy !req
216. Elle! It's here.
Copy !req
217. The LSAT scores!
Copy !req
218. 179!
Copy !req
219. 179! 179!
Copy !req
220. And that's why you should
vote for me, Elle Woods,
Copy !req
221. future lawyer,
for the class of 2004.
Copy !req
222. She does have a 4.0 from CULA,
Copy !req
223. and she got a 179 on her LSATs.
Copy !req
224. A fashion major?
Copy !req
225. Well, sir, we've never had one before,
Copy !req
226. and aren't we always
looking for diversity?
Copy !req
227. Her list of extracurricular
activities is impressive.
Copy !req
228. - She was in a Ricky Martin video.
- Clearly, she's interested in music.
Copy !req
229. She also designed a line of...
Copy !req
230. faux-fur panties
for her sorority's charity project.
Copy !req
231. She's a friend to the animals,
as well as a philanthropist.
Copy !req
232. Elle Woods.
Copy !req
233. Welcome to Harvard.
Copy !req
234. Oh, Bruiser, it's so exciting.
Look! Harvard.
Copy !req
235. Are you excited?
Copy !req
236. This is our new house
for the next three years.
Copy !req
237. Oh, are you thirsty?
Copy !req
238. OK, let's get you some water.
Copy !req
239. Sweetheart, you just look parched.
Copy !req
240. Hey, Brad,
check out Malibu Barbie.
Copy !req
241. Where's the beach, honey?
Copy !req
242. There you go. Good boy.
Copy !req
243. Warner's gonna be so excited to see you.
Copy !req
244. Guys, this way.
Copy !req
245. - This ain't LA!
- Come on, Bruiser.
Copy !req
246. Check it out. Look at the way she walks.
Copy !req
247. It's gonna be so exciting.
Don't be scared, everyone will love you.
Copy !req
248. Hi. Woods comma Elle.
Copy !req
249. Class schedule, map, book list.
Copy !req
250. Wait a second.
My social events calendar is missing.
Copy !req
251. Your what?
Copy !req
252. Social events.
You know, mixers, formals,
Copy !req
253. clambakes, trips to the Cape.
Copy !req
254. OK. Has Warner Huntington III
checked in yet?
Copy !req
255. No.
Copy !req
256. Maybe you should check with
the cruise director on the lido deck.
Copy !req
257. OK. Welcome to law school.
Copy !req
258. This is the part where we
go around in a circle
Copy !req
259. and everyone says
a little bit about themselves.
Copy !req
260. Let's start with you.
Copy !req
261. My name is David Kidney.
Copy !req
262. I have a Master's
in Russian literature,
Copy !req
263. a PhD in biochemistry, and...
Copy !req
264. for the last 18 months,
I've been deworming orphans in Somalia.
Copy !req
265. - Awesome. What about you?
- Hey. How you doin'? I'm Enid Wexler.
Copy !req
266. Got a PhD from Berkeley
in women's studies,
Copy !req
267. emphasis in the history of combat.
Copy !req
268. Last year, I single-handedly organized
Copy !req
269. the march for Lesbians
Against Drunk Driving.
Copy !req
270. - Killer.
- Thanks. Good times.
Copy !req
271. Aaron Mitchell. I graduated
first in my class from Princeton.
Copy !req
272. I have an IQ of 187.
Copy !req
273. It's been suggested that Stephen Hawking
stole his Brief History of Time...
Copy !req
274. from my fourth-grade paper.
Copy !req
275. Cool.
Copy !req
276. - Me?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
277. OK. Hi. I'm Elle Woods
and this is Bruiser Woods.
Copy !req
278. We're both Gemini vegetarians.
Copy !req
279. I have a bachelor's degree
in fashion merchandising from CULA.
Copy !req
280. And I was a Zeta Lambda Nu Sweetheart,
Copy !req
281. president of my sorority, Delta Nu,
Copy !req
282. and last year I was Homecoming Queen.
Copy !req
283. Oh! Two weeks ago
I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal,
Copy !req
284. and I talked her out of buying
this truly heinous angora sweater.
Copy !req
285. Whoever said orange was
the new pink was seriously disturbed.
Copy !req
286. Wish me luck, Bruiser.
Copy !req
287. This is my first class
as a serious law student.
Copy !req
288. I totally look the part.
Copy !req
289. Hi.
Copy !req
290. Hey.
Copy !req
291. Elle?
Copy !req
292. Warner?
I totally forgot you go here.
Copy !req
293. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
294. I'm sorry. Are you here to see me?
Copy !req
295. No, silly. I go here.
Copy !req
296. - You go where?
- Harvard. Law School.
Copy !req
297. You got into Harvard Law?
Copy !req
298. What, like it's hard?
Copy !req
299. Oh, my gosh. It's gonna be so great.
Copy !req
300. I'm planning this great mixer.
You totally have to help me.
Copy !req
301. I'm thinking, like, a luau,
or maybe a casino night.
Copy !req
302. This is gonna be just
like senior year, except for funner.
Copy !req
303. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
304. Oh, time to go. I have to go to class,
Copy !req
305. but meet me after,
on the benches, OK? Bye!
Copy !req
306. A legal education...
Copy !req
307. means you will
learn to speak in a new language.
Copy !req
308. You will be taught to achieve
insight into the world around you,
Copy !req
309. and to sharply question what you know.
Copy !req
310. The seat you have picked will be yours
Copy !req
311. for the next nine months of your life!
Copy !req
312. And those of you in the front row...
Copy !req
313. beware.
Copy !req
314. "The law is reason free from passion. "
Copy !req
315. Does anyone know
who spoke those immortal words?
Copy !req
316. Yes?
Copy !req
317. Aristotle.
Copy !req
318. - Are you sure?
- Yes.
Copy !req
319. Would you be willing
to stake your life on it?
Copy !req
320. I think so.
Copy !req
321. What about...
Copy !req
322. - Ow!
- ... his life?
Copy !req
323. - I don't know.
- Well...
Copy !req
324. I recommend
knowing before speaking.
Copy !req
325. The law leaves much room
for interpretation...
Copy !req
326. but very little for self-doubt.
Copy !req
327. And you were right.
Copy !req
328. - It was Aristotle.
- Good job.
Copy !req
329. Now, I assume all of you
have read pages one through 48,
Copy !req
330. and are now well-versed
in subject matterjurisdiction.
Copy !req
331. Who can tell us
about Gordon v. Steele?
Copy !req
332. Let's call on someone from the hot zone.
Copy !req
333. Elle Woods?
Copy !req
334. Oh...
Copy !req
335. Actually, I wasn't aware
that we had an assignment.
Copy !req
336. Oh.
Copy !req
337. Vivian Kensington.
Copy !req
338. Do you think it's acceptable
that Ms. Woods is not prepared?
Copy !req
339. No.
Copy !req
340. I don't.
Copy !req
341. Would you support my decision
to ask her to leave class,
Copy !req
342. and to return only
when she is prepared?
Copy !req
343. Absolutely.
Copy !req
344. Now, Ms. Kensington...
Copy !req
345. Did diversity jurisdiction
exist in this case?
Copy !req
346. No, it did not.
Copy !req
347. Good. However, in the case of...
Copy !req
348. Excuse me. Are you OK?
Copy !req
349. Yeah.
Copy !req
350. But do they put you on the spot
like that, like, all the time?
Copy !req
351. The professors? Yeah, they tend
to do that. Socratic method.
Copy !req
352. So, if you don't know the answer,
they're just gonna kick you out?
Copy !req
353. - So you have Stromwell, huh?
- Yes! Did she do that to you too?
Copy !req
354. No. But she did make me cry once.
Copy !req
355. Not in class, I waited till
I got back to my room.
Copy !req
356. But she'll kick you right in the ball...
Copy !req
357. Or wherever, you know.
Copy !req
358. But, yeah, she's tough. Really tough.
Copy !req
359. Great.
Copy !req
360. Don't worry, though. It gets better.
Who else do you have?
Copy !req
361. I have Callahan, Royalton and Levinthal.
Copy !req
362. Yeah. Let's see.
Speak up in Callahan's class.
Copy !req
363. He really likes people
that are opinionated.
Copy !req
364. - OK.
- And in Royalton's class...
Copy !req
365. try to get a seat in the back.
Copy !req
366. He tends to spit when
he talks about products liability.
Copy !req
367. And... for Levinthal,
make sure you read the footnotes,
Copy !req
368. 'cause that's where he gets
a lot of his exam questions from.
Copy !req
369. Right.
Copy !req
370. Wow. I'm really glad I met you.
Copy !req
371. - Hey.
- Are you a third-year?
Copy !req
372. - Well, I'm a...
- Hey, Elle.
Copy !req
373. Hi.
Copy !req
374. - Thanks for all your help.
- Good luck.
Copy !req
375. - Hi, Warner.
- Hi...
Copy !req
376. So...
Copy !req
377. - How was your first class?
- It was good,
Copy !req
378. except for this horrible preppy girl
Copy !req
379. who tried to make me look bad in front
of the professor, but no biggie.
Copy !req
380. You're here now.
So how was your summer?
Copy !req
381. Good. It was good.
Copy !req
382. Did you do anything exciting?
Copy !req
383. Hey!
Copy !req
384. Have... Have you met Viv... ian?
Copy !req
385. Oh, hi. Vivian Kensington.
Copy !req
386. - Do you know her?
- She's...
Copy !req
387. I'm his fiancйe.
Copy !req
388. I'm sorry. I just hallucinated.
Copy !req
389. What?
Copy !req
390. Yeah... She...
Copy !req
391. She was my girlfriend in prep school.
Copy !req
392. Well, we got back together this summer
at my grandmother's birthday party.
Copy !req
393. Warner told me all about you.
Copy !req
394. You're famous at our club.
Copy !req
395. But he didn't tell me you'd be here.
Copy !req
396. Pooh Bear, I didn't know
she would be here.
Copy !req
397. Excuse me.
Copy !req
398. Hey, watch out!
Copy !req
399. Thank God!
Copy !req
400. Are you free?
It's an emergency.
Copy !req
401. - Bad day?
- You can't even imagine.
Copy !req
402. Spill.
Copy !req
403. I worked
so hard to get into law school.
Copy !req
404. I blew off Greek Week
to study for the LSATs.
Copy !req
405. I even hired a Coppola
to direct my admissions video.
Copy !req
406. All to get my boyfriend Warner back,
Copy !req
407. and now he's engaged
to this awful girl, Vivian.
Copy !req
408. So it was all for nothing, and I...
I just wish...
Copy !req
409. I just wish I had
never gone to Harvard.
Copy !req
410. - After you went to all that trouble.
- He's engaged.
Copy !req
411. She's got the six-carat Harry Winston
on her bony, unpolished finger.
Copy !req
412. What am I supposed to do?
Copy !req
413. You're askin' the wrong girl.
Copy !req
414. I mean, I'm with my guy eight years,
and then one day it's,
Copy !req
415. "I met someone else. Move out. "
Copy !req
416. Oh, no. That's awful.
Copy !req
417. Dewey kept the trailer
and my precious baby, Rufus.
Copy !req
418. I didn't even get to throw him
a birthday party.
Copy !req
419. No!
Copy !req
420. I mean, what's a girl to do?
Copy !req
421. He's a guy who followed
his pecker to greener pastures,
Copy !req
422. and I'm a middle-aged
high school dropout...
Copy !req
423. who's got stretch marks
and a fat ass.
Copy !req
424. - That's terrible.
- Yeah. Happens every day.
Copy !req
425. So what's this Vivian got
that you don't have?
Copy !req
426. Three tits?
Copy !req
427. She's from Connecticut.
She belongs to his stupid country club.
Copy !req
428. Is she as pretty as you?
Copy !req
429. She could use some mascara
and some serious highlights, but...
Copy !req
430. she's not completely
unfortunate-looking.
Copy !req
431. Hello, ladies. How ya doin'?
Copy !req
432. Sign here.
Copy !req
433. Oh, look what I did.
Copy !req
434. - See you later.
- Bye, sugar.
Copy !req
435. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
436. Could I have been
any more goddamn spastic?
Copy !req
437. It's OK.
Copy !req
438. Are you sure this Warner guy
is, like, the one?
Copy !req
439. Definitely. I love him.
Copy !req
440. Mmm...
Copy !req
441. If a girl like you
can't hold on to her man,
Copy !req
442. then there sure as hell
isn't any hope for the rest of us.
Copy !req
443. What are you waitin' for?
Copy !req
444. Steal the bastard back.
Copy !req
445. I should warn you, that in addition
to competing against each other
Copy !req
446. for the top grade in this class,
Copy !req
447. you will also be competing
for one of my firm's
Copy !req
448. highly-coveted four internship
spots next year,
Copy !req
449. where you will get
to assist on actual cases.
Copy !req
450. Let the bloodbath begin.
Copy !req
451. Now, let's commence
with our usual torture.
Copy !req
452. Ms. Woods.
Copy !req
453. Would you rather have a client
who committed a crime malum in se,
Copy !req
454. or malum prohibitum?
Copy !req
455. - Neither.
- Why is that?
Copy !req
456. I would rather have
a client who's innocent.
Copy !req
457. Dare to dream, Ms. Woods.
Copy !req
458. Ms. Kensington, which would you prefer?
Copy !req
459. Malum prohibitum.
Copy !req
460. Because then the client would've
committed a regulatory infraction,
Copy !req
461. as opposed to a dangerous crime.
Copy !req
462. Well done, Ms. Kensington.
Copy !req
463. You've obviously done your homework.
Copy !req
464. Now, let us look at malum prohibitum
a little more closely.
Copy !req
465. It has been said...
Copy !req
466. Yes, Ms. Woods?
Copy !req
467. I changed my mind.
I'd pick the dangerous one,
Copy !req
468. 'cause I'm not afraid of a challenge.
Copy !req
469. Hike!
Copy !req
470. Who is that?
Copy !req
471. Guys...
Copy !req
472. - Hi!
- Warner, do you know her?
Copy !req
473. Hi.
Copy !req
474. - Hi, everybody.
- Elle. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
475. I've come to join your study group.
And look, I brought sustenance.
Copy !req
476. - Who's first?
- Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Our group is full.
Copy !req
477. - Oh, is this like an RSVP thing?
- No, it's like a smart-people thing.
Copy !req
478. And, as Viv said, we're full.
Copy !req
479. Come on, guys.
We can make room for one more.
Copy !req
480. - Ow!
- We've already assigned the outlines.
Copy !req
481. The answer is no.
Copy !req
482. OK. I'll just leave, then.
Copy !req
483. Bye.
Copy !req
484. Hey, maybe there's, like, a sorority
you could, like, join instead, like...
Copy !req
485. You know, if you had come
to a rush party,
Copy !req
486. I would have at least been nice to you.
Copy !req
487. Oh, is that before
you voted against me,
Copy !req
488. then called me a dyke behind my back?
Copy !req
489. I don't use that word.
Copy !req
490. You must have heard it from Vivian.
Copy !req
491. - Hello?
- Hey, it's me.
Copy !req
492. It's Elle!
Copy !req
493. Guess what I'm doing right this second?
Copy !req
494. I don't know. What?
Copy !req
495. I'm picking out my wedding dress!
Copy !req
496. - What?
- Josh proposed.
Copy !req
497. Did you get the rock yet?
Copy !req
498. Almost.
Copy !req
499. Well, hurry up, so you can come home.
We miss you.
Copy !req
500. I miss you guys too.
The people here are so vile.
Copy !req
501. - Hardly anybody speaks to me, unless...
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
502. I almost forgot to tell you.
Copy !req
503. - What?
- I got bangs.
Copy !req
504. - My hair is so "now. "
- Really?
Copy !req
505. OK, so just listen to me.
Keep June 1st open.
Copy !req
506. You're one of my bridesmaids.
And give Warner our love.
Copy !req
507. Because I'm getting married!
I'm getting...
Copy !req
508. So don't forget.
Eight o'clock at 45 Dunstan Street.
Copy !req
509. It'll be a really nice party.
Copy !req
510. Oh, and don't forget
to bring your own merlot.
Copy !req
511. No way! Is somebody at this school
actually... having a party?
Copy !req
512. Yes.
Copy !req
513. But it's a costume party.
You probably wouldn't wanna come.
Copy !req
514. I love costume parties.
Copy !req
515. Oh. Well, then,
I guess we'll see you there.
Copy !req
516. OK.
Copy !req
517. Oh. At 45 Dunstan Street. OK.
Copy !req
518. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
519. Hey.
Copy !req
520. Thanks for inviting me, girls.
This party is super fun.
Copy !req
521. - Nice outfit.
- Oh, I like your outfit, too.
Copy !req
522. Except when I dress up
as a frigid bitch,
Copy !req
523. I try not to look so constipated.
Copy !req
524. She's horrible.
Copy !req
525. You've got the ring, sweetie.
Copy !req
526. How you doin'?
Copy !req
527. Warner! The English language
is all about subliminal domination.
Copy !req
528. Take the word, "semester," OK?
This is a perfect example
Copy !req
529. of this school's discriminatory
preference of semen to ovaries.
Copy !req
530. That's why I'm petitioning
to have next term be referred to
Copy !req
531. as the winter "ovester. "
Copy !req
532. Excuse me. Hey, Warner.
Copy !req
533. Wow. Well, don't you look
like a walking felony?
Copy !req
534. - Thank you. You're so sweet.
- Ugh!
Copy !req
535. - Are you having fun?
- I am now.
Copy !req
536. What... What's with the costume?
Copy !req
537. Oh. I just decided to dress up.
Copy !req
538. Really?
Copy !req
539. You know, I feel like we barely get to
see each other since we've been here.
Copy !req
540. I know. I'm so busy
with these case studies and hypos.
Copy !req
541. I know you mean.
I can't imagine doing all this
Copy !req
542. and Callahan's internship next year.
Copy !req
543. This is gonna be so much.
Copy !req
544. Oh, Elle...
Copy !req
545. Come on, you're never
gonna get the grades
Copy !req
546. to qualify for one of those spots.
Copy !req
547. You're not smart enough, sweetie.
Copy !req
548. Wait. Am I on glue, or did we not
get into the same law school, Warner?
Copy !req
549. - Well, yeah, but...
- But what?
Copy !req
550. We took the same LSATs,
and we're taking the same classes.
Copy !req
551. I know. But come on, Elle, be serious.
Copy !req
552. You can do something
more valuable with your time.
Copy !req
553. I'm never gonna be
good enough for you, am I?
Copy !req
554. - Elle, come on.
- Just forget it.
Copy !req
555. I'll show you how valuable
Elle Woods can be.
Copy !req
556. - Don't ask.
- Wasn't gonna.
Copy !req
557. I love that sweater. It's Chanel.
Copy !req
558. - Look.
- Is she carrying books?
Copy !req
559. Thanks.
Copy !req
560. So, you've filed a claim.
Copy !req
561. What next?
Copy !req
562. Ms. Woods?
Copy !req
563. - Don't you need to have evidence?
- Meaning?
Copy !req
564. Meaning you need reasonable belief
Copy !req
565. that your claim should have, like,
evidentiary support?
Copy !req
566. And what kind of evidentiary support
does this case require?
Copy !req
567. Yo quiero Taco Bell.
Copy !req
568. Welcome back...
Copy !req
569. In the article, you talk
about all sorts of things:
Copy !req
570. corrupt cops...
Copy !req
571. And the purpose
of diminished capacity is?
Copy !req
572. To negate mens rea?
Copy !req
573. Are you ready?
Copy !req
574. No.
Copy !req
575. Yes. Yes, you are.
Copy !req
576. Go. You can do this.
Copy !req
577. "Listen to me, Dewey.
You shut your mouth. "
Copy !req
578. No. "You shut your big mouth. "
Copy !req
579. "I'm doing all the talking. "
Copy !req
580. What the hell do you want?
We're eatin' lunch.
Copy !req
581. I just thought that...
Copy !req
582. You just thought you could come and
show me what I'm definitely not missin'?
Copy !req
583. That's not why I came by.
Copy !req
584. Paulette, how many times you gonna
come here beggin' me to take you back?
Copy !req
585. I was... I...
Copy !req
586. - Dewey Newcombe?
- Who's askin'?
Copy !req
587. I'm Elle Woods,
Ms. Bonifante's attorney.
Copy !req
588. And I'm here to discuss
the legal situation at hand.
Copy !req
589. Come again?
Copy !req
590. Do you understand
what subject matterjurisdiction is?
Copy !req
591. - No.
- I didn't think so.
Copy !req
592. Well, due to... habeas corpus,
Copy !req
593. you and Ms. Bonifante
had a common law marriage,
Copy !req
594. which, heretofore, entitles her
to what is legally referred to
Copy !req
595. as "equitable division of the assets. "
Copy !req
596. Come again?
Copy !req
597. Due to the fact that you've retained...
this residence...
Copy !req
598. Ms. Bonifante is entitled
to full canine property ownership,
Copy !req
599. and will be enforcing said ownership...
Copy !req
600. right now.
Copy !req
601. - Huh?
- Tell him, Paulette.
Copy !req
602. I'm takin' the dog... dumb-ass!
Copy !req
603. We did it!
Copy !req
604. Come here.
Copy !req
605. Oh, my gosh, did you see him?
He's probably still scratching his head.
Copy !req
606. Which must be
a nice vacation for his balls.
Copy !req
607. Oh...
Copy !req
608. Thank you.
Copy !req
609. Well, according to Swinney v. Neubert,
Copy !req
610. Swinney, who was also
a private sperm donor,
Copy !req
611. was allowed visitation rights
as long as he came to terms
Copy !req
612. with the hours set forth by the parents.
Copy !req
613. So, if we're sticking to past precedent,
I mean, Mr. Latimer wasn't stalking.
Copy !req
614. He was clearly within his rights
to ask for visitation.
Copy !req
615. But Swinney was
a one-time sperm donor.
Copy !req
616. And, in our case, the defendant
was an habitual sperm donor,
Copy !req
617. who also happens to be harassing
the parents in his quest for visitation.
Copy !req
618. Well, yeah, but I mean,
without this man's sperm...
Copy !req
619. the child in question wouldn't exist.
Copy !req
620. Now you're thinking like a lawyer.
Copy !req
621. Yes, Ms. Woods?
Copy !req
622. Although Mr. Huntington
makes an excellent point,
Copy !req
623. I have to wonder
if the defendant kept a thorough record
Copy !req
624. of every sperm emission
made throughout his life.
Copy !req
625. Interesting. Why do you ask?
Copy !req
626. Well, unless the defendant attempted
Copy !req
627. to contact every single
one-night stand
Copy !req
628. to determine if a child
resulted in those unions,
Copy !req
629. he has no parental claim
over this child, whatsoever.
Copy !req
630. Why now? Why this sperm?
Copy !req
631. - I see your point.
- And for that matter,
Copy !req
632. all masturbatory emissions where his
sperm was clearly not seeking an egg,
Copy !req
633. could be termed reckless abandonment.
Copy !req
634. I believe you've just won your case.
Copy !req
635. - Ms. Woods, you did well today.
- Really?
Copy !req
636. You're applying
for my internship, aren't you?
Copy !req
637. - I don't know.
- Well, you should.
Copy !req
638. - Do you have a rйsumй?
- Yes, I do.
Copy !req
639. Here it is.
Copy !req
640. - It's pink.
- Oh, and it's scented.
Copy !req
641. I think it gives it a little
something extra, don't you think?
Copy !req
642. OK. Well, see you next class.
Copy !req
643. Do you think she woke up
one morning and said,
Copy !req
644. "I think I'll go to law school today?"
Copy !req
645. Well, that lapse in judgment aside,
I think she's got a lot of potential.
Copy !req
646. Here's the Windham file.
Copy !req
647. Smell this.
Copy !req
648. - What's that?
- It's her rйsumй.
Copy !req
649. It smells good.
Copy !req
650. What's going on?
Copy !req
651. Callahan's firm
is defending a murder trial.
Copy !req
652. His case load is so big,
he's taking on first-year interns.
Copy !req
653. - He picked 'em already?
- I can't believe it, Warner!
Copy !req
654. - We got it!
- Yes.
Copy !req
655. That only leaves one for...
Copy !req
656. Me!
Copy !req
657. Yes!
Copy !req
658. Oh, Warner.
Copy !req
659. Do you remember when
we spent those four amazing hours
Copy !req
660. in the hot tub after Winter Formal?
Copy !req
661. Yeah... No.
Copy !req
662. This is so much better than that!
Copy !req
663. Excuse me. I have some shopping to do.
Copy !req
664. Four hours?
Copy !req
665. You look very nice today, Vivian.
Copy !req
666. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Copy !req
667. We're defending Brooke Windham,
whose very wealthy husband
Copy !req
668. was found shot dead
in their Beacon Hill mansion.
Copy !req
669. - Gold-digger?
- You'd think so,
Copy !req
670. since the stiff was 60,
but she was rich on her own.
Copy !req
671. Some kind of fitness empire.
Copy !req
672. You can buy her exercise tapes
on infomercials.
Copy !req
673. Wait, are you
talking about Brooke Taylor?
Copy !req
674. Maiden name, Taylor. You know her?
Copy !req
675. She's a Delta Nu.
She wasn't in my pledge class.
Copy !req
676. She graduated four years before me.
Copy !req
677. But I used to take her class
at the Los Angeles Sports Club.
Copy !req
678. She's amazing.
Copy !req
679. "Amazing?" How?
Copy !req
680. She can make you lose
three pounds in one class.
Copy !req
681. She's completely gifted.
Copy !req
682. Well, in all likelihood,
she's completely guilty as well.
Copy !req
683. She was seen standing
over her husband's body.
Copy !req
684. By who?
Copy !req
685. His 26-year-old daughter
and the pool boy.
Copy !req
686. - Sorry I'm late. Excuse me.
- This is Emmett Richmond, an associate.
Copy !req
687. Top three in his class
and former editor of Harvard Law Review.
Copy !req
688. You've probably seen him lurking
around campus doing my research.
Copy !req
689. Thanks for the introduction.
Copy !req
690. So, what about
the murder weapon?
Copy !req
691. The gun is missing.
Copy !req
692. Coroner said he'd been dead
30 minutes when the cops arrived,
Copy !req
693. giving Brooke
plenty of time to stash it.
Copy !req
694. I just don't think Brooke
could have done this.
Copy !req
695. Exercise gives you endorphins.
Endorphins make you happy.
Copy !req
696. Happy people just don't
shoot their husbands.
Copy !req
697. They just don't.
Copy !req
698. I didn't do it.
Copy !req
699. I walked in. I saw my husband
Iying on the floor.
Copy !req
700. I bent down to check his heart,
screamed my head off,
Copy !req
701. and then Enrique
and Chutney ran inside.
Copy !req
702. OK, your stepdaughter
and the pool boy came in,
Copy !req
703. where they saw you standing
over the body, covered in his blood.
Copy !req
704. Why would I kill my husband?
Copy !req
705. Insurance? A love affair?
Pure unadulterated hatred?
Copy !req
706. Believe me, the DA will
come up with plenty of reasons.
Copy !req
707. I loved him.
Copy !req
708. He was 34 years older than you.
Copy !req
709. That doesn't look so good to a jury.
Copy !req
710. Then show them a picture of his dick.
Copy !req
711. That might clear a few things up.
Copy !req
712. Brooke, I believe you.
Copy !req
713. But a jury is gonna want an alibi.
Copy !req
714. Well, I can't give you that.
Copy !req
715. And if you put me
on the stand, I'll lie.
Copy !req
716. Well, then,
I guess we're done for today.
Copy !req
717. - Hey. I know you.
- Hi.
Copy !req
718. I'm a Delta Nu.
And I'm a huge fan of yours.
Copy !req
719. - You took my class in LA.
- Uh-huh.
Copy !req
720. You had the best high kick
I've ever seen.
Copy !req
721. - Are you one of my lawyers?
- Yeah, sort of.
Copy !req
722. Well, thank God one of you has a brain.
Copy !req
723. Let's go.
Copy !req
724. I'm the only one that believes her.
Callahan totally thinks she's guilty.
Copy !req
725. That's 'cause men
are big fat retards who don't...
Copy !req
726. - Afternoon, ladies.
- It's him.
Copy !req
727. Paulette Bonifante.
Copy !req
728. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
729. He's coming over here.
Copy !req
730. I've got a package.
Copy !req
731. He's got a package.
Copy !req
732. - How you doin' today?
- Fine.
Copy !req
733. Take it easy.
Copy !req
734. - See you later.
- Take it easy.
Copy !req
735. That's great, Paulette.
Copy !req
736. Is this the only interaction
you two have ever had?
Copy !req
737. No!
Copy !req
738. Sometimes I say, "OK,"
instead of "fine. "
Copy !req
739. Why don't you offer him a cold beverage,
or a neck massage, or something?
Copy !req
740. - Oh, come on, what's the point?
- Trust me. You have all the equipment.
Copy !req
741. You just need to read the manual.
Copy !req
742. Do you know what I'm saying?
Copy !req
743. I'm gonna show a little maneuver
that my mother taught me in junior high.
Copy !req
744. In my experience,
it has a 98 percent success rate
Copy !req
745. of getting a man's attention and,
when used appropriately,
Copy !req
746. it has an 83 percent rate
of return on a dinner invitation.
Copy !req
747. Wow.
Copy !req
748. It's called the "bend and snap. "
Watch this.
Copy !req
749. I think I dropped something
that I need to pick up.
Copy !req
750. So you bend...
Copy !req
751. and snap. See?
Copy !req
752. Come on. You try.
Copy !req
753. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
754. OK...
Copy !req
755. Yeah. A little less bend,
a little more snap.
Copy !req
756. Like this?
Copy !req
757. Good snap! Come on.
Copy !req
758. You! Come on. You can do it.
Copy !req
759. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
760. We can all do it. Come on, guys!
Copy !req
761. You're gonna bend... and snap.
Copy !req
762. Now put your head into it.
Copy !req
763. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
764. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
765. Good job!
A little attitude, please.
Copy !req
766. Now, everybody, smile.
That's very important.
Copy !req
767. Pump! Pump, pump!
Copy !req
768. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
769. Good job, everybody.
Copy !req
770. Work it out! Work it out!
Copy !req
771. Wow!
Copy !req
772. Come on, Paulette.
Copy !req
773. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
774. Oh, my God. The bend and snap.
Works every time.
Copy !req
775. Well, if Brooke didn't kill the guy,
then who did?
Copy !req
776. My money is on
the angry daughter or the ex-wife.
Copy !req
777. Chutney has a trust fund.
Copy !req
778. She didn't need the insurance payoff
or the inheritance.
Copy !req
779. - What about the mother?
- Covered. She was in Aspen.
Copy !req
780. Vivian, get me some plum sauce.
Copy !req
781. Ten people saw her downing
cosmopolitans at the Caribou Club.
Copy !req
782. - All I know is that it's not Brooke.
- That's touching. But we need an alibi.
Copy !req
783. I brought you some necessities.
Some Calvin Klein 720-count sheets,
Copy !req
784. the entire Clinique skincare line,
Copy !req
785. some aromatherapy candles, a loofah...
Copy !req
786. Oh!
Copy !req
787. And... the bible.
Copy !req
788. You're an angel.
Copy !req
789. So how are you? Are you all right?
Copy !req
790. You look so... orange.
Copy !req
791. I'm just glad that it's you
and not Callahan.
Copy !req
792. He means well. He's very brilliant.
Copy !req
793. He better be,
for what I'm paying for him.
Copy !req
794. I have to tell you
the real reason I came here.
Copy !req
795. Professor Callahan says
we really, really need your alibi.
Copy !req
796. Elle, I can't.
Copy !req
797. - I mean, you don't understand.
- Who could understand better than me?
Copy !req
798. It's so shameful.
Copy !req
799. Whatever it is, Brooke,
it could save you.
Copy !req
800. No, that's just it.
It would ruin me.
Copy !req
801. How?
Copy !req
802. I've made my fortune on the ability
to perfect women's bodies
Copy !req
803. with Brooke's butt-buster workout.
Copy !req
804. - You helped me go from a six to a four.
- That's great!
Copy !req
805. On the day of Heyworth's murder...
Copy !req
806. What?
Copy !req
807. I was getting...
Copy !req
808. - Huh?
- Liposuction!
Copy !req
809. Oh, God!
Copy !req
810. - No!
- I know! I'm a fraud!
Copy !req
811. But it's not like normal women
can have this ass!
Copy !req
812. If my fans knew that I bought it,
I would lose everything.
Copy !req
813. I've already lost my husband.
Copy !req
814. I'd rather go to jail
than lose my reputation.
Copy !req
815. Brooke...
Copy !req
816. your secret's safe with me.
Copy !req
817. Thank you.
Copy !req
818. Vivian, grab me some coffee.
Copy !req
819. We got two interviews tomorrow that
Gerard and Bobby are gonna handle,
Copy !req
820. and the ex-wife in an hour.
Copy !req
821. According to this communiquй
from the prison,
Copy !req
822. our client apparently
had a visit from her sister.
Copy !req
823. A Miss Delta Nu.
Copy !req
824. - Anyone you know?
- Yes. I went to visit her.
Copy !req
825. What the hell do you mean,
you "went to visit her"?
Copy !req
826. I went to get her alibi.
Copy !req
827. - Did you get it?
- Mm-hmm. It's really good.
Copy !req
828. Well, great. What is it?
Copy !req
829. - Oh, I can't tell you.
- Why the hell not?
Copy !req
830. Because I promised her
I'd keep it a secret.
Copy !req
831. And I can't break
the bonds of sisterhood.
Copy !req
832. Screw sisterhood!
Copy !req
833. This is a murder trial,
not some scandal at the sorority house.
Copy !req
834. I want the alibi.
Copy !req
835. I can't give it to you.
But I can tell you she is innocent.
Copy !req
836. Mr. Callahan, Mrs. Windham
Vandermark is on line two for you.
Copy !req
837. Someone reason with her
while I take this.
Copy !req
838. Are you crazy?
Just tell him the alibi.
Copy !req
839. - No!
- We'll lose the case if you don't.
Copy !req
840. Then we're not very good lawyers.
Copy !req
841. If you tell him, he'll probably
hire you as a summer associate.
Copy !req
842. Who cares about Brooke?
Think about yourself.
Copy !req
843. - I gave her my word, Warner.
- So what?
Copy !req
844. The ex-wife seems to be unconcerned
Copy !req
845. with the fact that
her interview is today.
Copy !req
846. - She's at a spa in the Berkshires.
- A spa.
Copy !req
847. Isn't that kind of like
your mother ship?
Copy !req
848. I could go if you want me to.
Copy !req
849. - Emmett.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
850. - Go with her.
- OK.
Copy !req
851. - She seems completely untrustworthy.
- Why?
Copy !req
852. This is a person who's made her
living by telling women they're too fat.
Copy !req
853. Brooke would never
tell a woman that she was too fat.
Copy !req
854. And she seems to me
like she's hiding something.
Copy !req
855. - Maybe it's not what you think.
- Maybe it's exactly what I think.
Copy !req
856. You know,
you're really being a butthead.
Copy !req
857. A butthead?
Why would you call me that?
Copy !req
858. You just need to have a little more
faith in people. You might be surprised.
Copy !req
859. I can't believe you just
called me a butthead.
Copy !req
860. No one's called me that
since about the ninth grade.
Copy !req
861. Maybe not to your face.
Copy !req
862. So this is what a spa looks like.
Wow. How do we find her?
Copy !req
863. - I called ahead. She's in the mud room.
- She's not... naked, is she?
Copy !req
864. Mrs. Windham Vandermark?
Copy !req
865. So, you found me.
Copy !req
866. Yes. We're from Austen,
Platt, Jaret & Callahan.
Copy !req
867. We're here to ask you a few questions.
Copy !req
868. So, I hear that that little tart
from California shot poor Heyworth.
Copy !req
869. Well, that's what we're trying
to prove didn't happen.
Copy !req
870. Do you have any reason
to believe that it did?
Copy !req
871. Well, I've never actually met the woman.
Copy !req
872. But my daughter tells me
she can be quite the little bitch.
Copy !req
873. Now, did your daughter
ever mention anything to you
Copy !req
874. about the relationship
between Brooke and Heyworth?
Copy !req
875. Well, she did say that
they humped like gorillas.
Copy !req
876. I guess it wasn't enough,
though, for Brooke.
Copy !req
877. - Why do you say that?
- Well...
Copy !req
878. Haven't you seen the cabana boy?
Copy !req
879. - She's Iying.
- And you know this for a fact?
Copy !req
880. Did you see the icky brown
color of her hair?
Copy !req
881. So? Now you discriminate
against brunettes?
Copy !req
882. Why shouldn't I?
I'm discriminated against as a blonde.
Copy !req
883. You know, being a blonde
is actually a pretty powerful thing.
Copy !req
884. You hold more cards
than you think you do.
Copy !req
885. I personally would like
to see you take that power
Copy !req
886. and channel it
towards the greater good.
Copy !req
887. - Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow.
- All right.
Copy !req
888. - Hey.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
889. How do you think I'd look as a blond?
Copy !req
890. Hmm... I'm not sure you could handle it.
Copy !req
891. - Bye.
- Bye.
Copy !req
892. So I called
your room last night.
Copy !req
893. I heard.
Copy !req
894. I was thinking maybe
we could go out sometime.
Copy !req
895. No. You're a dork.
Copy !req
896. I'm in... law school.
Copy !req
897. Look, I'm not gonna go out with you.
Copy !req
898. I can't believe you'd even ask.
Copy !req
899. Girls like me don't go out
with losers like you.
Copy !req
900. Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
901. Excuse me.
Copy !req
902. - Why didn't you call me?
- What?
Copy !req
903. We spent a beautiful night together,
and I never hear from you again?
Copy !req
904. I...
Copy !req
905. I'm sorry?
Copy !req
906. Sorry for what? For breaking my heart?
Copy !req
907. Or for giving me the greatest
pleasure I've ever known
Copy !req
908. and then just taking it away?
Copy !req
909. Both?
Copy !req
910. Well, forget it. I've already spent
too many hours crying over you.
Copy !req
911. So... when did you wanna go out?
Copy !req
912. Come in.
Copy !req
913. Are you done with that deposition yet?
Copy !req
914. Oh, yeah. Here, take it.
I've read it, like, 20 times.
Copy !req
915. OK.
Copy !req
916. You know, Elle...
Copy !req
917. I still can't believe you
didn't tell Callahan the alibi.
Copy !req
918. It's not my alibi to tell.
Copy !req
919. I know. And I thought
that was very...
Copy !req
920. classy of you.
Copy !req
921. - Really?
- Sure.
Copy !req
922. Thanks.
Copy !req
923. Did you ever notice how Callahan never
asks Warner to bring him his coffee?
Copy !req
924. I mean, he's asked me
at least ten times.
Copy !req
925. Well, men are helpless. You know that.
Copy !req
926. I know.
Warner doesn't do his own laundry.
Copy !req
927. - I know. He has to have it sent out.
- I know.
Copy !req
928. Did you know, when he first applied...
Copy !req
929. - ... he got waitlisted?
- What?
Copy !req
930. His father had to make a call.
Copy !req
931. - You're kidding.
- Mm-mm!
Copy !req
932. No way!
Copy !req
933. Oh, God.
That is such a precious dog. Hi.
Copy !req
934. His name is Bruiser.
Do you wanna hold him?
Copy !req
935. - He's very friendly.
- Sure.
Copy !req
936. Look, he likes you.
Copy !req
937. Oh, he's giving me kisses.
Copy !req
938. Thanks, Jeff.
Copy !req
939. We're here today covering
the trial of Brooke Windham.
Copy !req
940. You may remember, she's charged
with the murder of her husband,
Copy !req
941. Boston millionaire Heyworth Windham.
Copy !req
942. First to testify are the victim's
daughter and ex-wife.
Copy !req
943. Superior Court
of Suffolk County is now in session.
Copy !req
944. The Honorable Judge
Marina R. Bickford presiding.
Copy !req
945. You may be seated.
Copy !req
946. And where was she exactly?
Copy !req
947. Standing over my father's dead body.
Copy !req
948. And what was the defendant doing?
Copy !req
949. She was sitting
next to the pool, topless...
Copy !req
950. while the Latin boy
handed her a drink.
Copy !req
951. Mr. Salvatore,
can you tell us what this is?
Copy !req
952. My uniform.
Copy !req
953. This is the uniform
Copy !req
954. that Mrs. Windham asked you
to wear while cleaning her pool?
Copy !req
955. Yes.
Copy !req
956. And are you, or are you not,
having an affair with Brooke Windham?
Copy !req
957. Define "affair. "
Copy !req
958. Have you and Mrs. Windham
had sexual relations?
Copy !req
959. Yes. OK? Yes.
Copy !req
960. Ladies and gentlemen, court will
reconvene tomorrow morning at 9am.
Copy !req
961. We're adjourned.
Copy !req
962. You know a Delta Nu
would never sleep with a man
Copy !req
963. - who wears a thong.
- Never!
Copy !req
964. I just liked watching him
clean the filter.
Copy !req
965. I know. I believe you, Brooke.
Copy !req
966. - Take care of me, Elle.
- I will.
Copy !req
967. I got a big one for you.
Copy !req
968. Can you sign?
Copy !req
969. I got it.
Copy !req
970. - You broke his nose?
- Oh, I blew it, Elle.
Copy !req
971. My snap was all over the place.
Copy !req
972. I'll be there when court is out.
We have to cross-examine Enrique.
Copy !req
973. But my girlfriend, Serena,
once barfed on a guy
Copy !req
974. during The Blair Witch Project, and
they ended up dating for three months.
Copy !req
975. - Really? All right. Bye-bye.
- OK, bye.
Copy !req
976. Don't stomp your little
last-season Prada shoes at me, honey.
Copy !req
977. They're not last season.
Copy !req
978. Emmett.
Copy !req
979. He's gay. Enrique is gay.
Copy !req
980. What?
Copy !req
981. Warner, what kind of shoes are these?
Copy !req
982. - Black ones.
- See?
Copy !req
983. - What are you talking about?
- He's gay. He isn't Brooke's lover.
Copy !req
984. - He's making it up.
- Wait. Back up.
Copy !req
985. - How do you know that he's gay?
- Gay men know designers.
Copy !req
986. - Straight men don't.
- You know what?
Copy !req
987. He did leave a Cher tape
in the pool house one time.
Copy !req
988. While I appreciate
your masterful legal theory,
Copy !req
989. I have a murder trial to attend to.
Copy !req
990. - Emmett.
- OK.
Copy !req
991. - I'll take care of it. Thanks.
- OK.
Copy !req
992. Court will come to order.
Copy !req
993. Mr. Salvatore, do you have any proof
Copy !req
994. that you and Mrs. Windham
were having an affair?
Copy !req
995. Only the love in my heart.
Copy !req
996. Well, if that's all the proof that he
has, Your Honor, I think I'm done here.
Copy !req
997. - You may step down.
- I'd like to ask a couple of questions.
Copy !req
998. Just give me a couple of minutes.
Copy !req
999. Did you ever take
Mrs. Windham on a date?
Copy !req
1000. - Yes.
- Where?
Copy !req
1001. A restaurant in Concord,
where no one could recognize us.
Copy !req
1002. How long have you been
sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
Copy !req
1003. - Three months.
- And your boyfriend's name is?
Copy !req
1004. - Chuck.
- Right.
Copy !req
1005. Silence! Silence!
Copy !req
1006. - Pardon... Pardon me.
- Yes, Mr. Salvatore?
Copy !req
1007. I was confused.
Copy !req
1008. I thought you said "friend. "
Chuck is just a friend.
Copy !req
1009. - Oh, OK.
- You bitch!
Copy !req
1010. Chuck, wait!
Copy !req
1011. Silence in my court.
Sit down, Mr. Salvatore.
Copy !req
1012. Silence in my courtroom!
Copy !req
1013. How did I miss that?
Copy !req
1014. Silence in my courtroom.
Copy !req
1015. - Thanks.
- Wow.
Copy !req
1016. - Good night.
- Good night.
Copy !req
1017. Oh, Elle. Callahan asked
to see you before you leave.
Copy !req
1018. - Really?
- Yeah, you know, he has his coffee,
Copy !req
1019. but maybe he needs a donut.
Copy !req
1020. - Do you need help?
- No, I'm fine.
Copy !req
1021. OK. Bye.
Copy !req
1022. Come on in.
Copy !req
1023. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
1024. - Sit down.
- OK.
Copy !req
1025. Is everything all right?
Copy !req
1026. You followed your intuition today,
and you were right on target.
Copy !req
1027. - I should have listened.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
1028. - About the alibi.
- I'm sorry...
Copy !req
1029. I'm impressed that you took
the initiative to go there and get it.
Copy !req
1030. That's what makes a good lawyer.
Copy !req
1031. On top of that, you gained
the client's trust and kept it.
Copy !req
1032. That's what makes a great lawyer.
Copy !req
1033. You're smart, Elle.
Copy !req
1034. Smarter than most
of the guys on my payroll.
Copy !req
1035. Wow.
Copy !req
1036. I think it's time
to discuss your career path.
Copy !req
1037. Have you thought about
where you might be a summer associate?
Copy !req
1038. Oh... not really.
I know it's very competitive.
Copy !req
1039. Well, you know what
competition's really about, don't you?
Copy !req
1040. It's about ferocity. Carnage.
Copy !req
1041. Balancing human intelligence
with animal diligence.
Copy !req
1042. Knowing exactly what you want...
Copy !req
1043. and how far you'll go to get it.
Copy !req
1044. How far will Elle go?
Copy !req
1045. - Are you hitting on me?
- You're a beautiful girl.
Copy !req
1046. - So everything you just said...
- I'm a man who knows what he wants.
Copy !req
1047. And I'm a law student who just realized
her professor is a pathetic asshole.
Copy !req
1048. Too bad. I thought you were
a law student who wanted to be a lawyer.
Copy !req
1049. - You almost had me fooled.
- What?
Copy !req
1050. Maybe you should sleep
with the jury too.
Copy !req
1051. Then we can win the case.
Copy !req
1052. - Hey.
- I'm quitting.
Copy !req
1053. - Why?
- Law school was a mistake.
Copy !req
1054. This whole internship was a mistake!
Copy !req
1055. What are you talking about?
You earned it.
Copy !req
1056. I didn't earn anything, Emmett.
Copy !req
1057. Callahan only gave me that internship
because he liked the way I looked.
Copy !req
1058. Which he made clear tonight
when he tried to feel me up.
Copy !req
1059. Callahan did what?
Copy !req
1060. Just forget it.
I'm going back to LA.
Copy !req
1061. No more boring suits,
no more pantyhose.
Copy !req
1062. No more trying
to be something that I'm just...
Copy !req
1063. I'm just not.
Copy !req
1064. What if you're trying
to be somebody you are?
Copy !req
1065. I mean, the hell with Callahan.
Copy !req
1066. Stay.
Copy !req
1067. Call me if you're
ever in California, OK?
Copy !req
1068. What's the point
in staying, Paulette? I mean...
Copy !req
1069. All people see when they look at me
is blonde hair and big boobs.
Copy !req
1070. No one's ever gonna take me seriously.
Copy !req
1071. People at law school don't.
And Warner doesn't.
Copy !req
1072. I don't even think
my own parents take me seriously.
Copy !req
1073. It just felt like, for the first time,
that someone expected me to...
Copy !req
1074. to do something more with my life
Copy !req
1075. than just become
a Victoria's Secret model.
Copy !req
1076. But I was just kidding myself.
Copy !req
1077. Callahan never saw me as a lawyer,
he just saw me as a piece of ass.
Copy !req
1078. Just like everybody else.
Copy !req
1079. Turns out I am a joke.
Copy !req
1080. No, you're not a joke.
Copy !req
1081. The hell with law school.
I just wanted to say goodbye.
Copy !req
1082. If you're going to let
one stupid prick ruin your life...
Copy !req
1083. you're not the girl
I thought you were.
Copy !req
1084. Did you go in there knowing how
Copy !req
1085. you were going
to discredit Mr. Salvatore?
Copy !req
1086. Absolutely. It's a little thing
I like to call "strategy. "
Copy !req
1087. You know, I had a feeling...
Copy !req
1088. Is he always such an ass?
Copy !req
1089. He's the top defense attorney
in the state.
Copy !req
1090. Of course he's an ass.
Copy !req
1091. Fine, but is he an ass
that's gonna win my case?
Copy !req
1092. Well, he's an ass that's gonna try.
Copy !req
1093. - He thinks I'm guilty, doesn't he?
- That's not what's important.
Copy !req
1094. If he doesn't trust me,
why should I trust him?
Copy !req
1095. Ask Elle. She looked pretty cozy
with him last night.
Copy !req
1096. No. You don't even know what
the hell you're talking about.
Copy !req
1097. What's going on here?
Copy !req
1098. - Elle quit.
- What?
Copy !req
1099. Yeah. Callahan hit on her, so she quit.
Copy !req
1100. Oh, my God. Scumbag.
Copy !req
1101. - Oh, God.
- What?
Copy !req
1102. I feel terrible. I made a huge mistake.
Copy !req
1103. Well, maybe there's something
we can do about it.
Copy !req
1104. Thank you.
Copy !req
1105. What are you so happy about?
You're on trial for murder.
Copy !req
1106. Get up.
Copy !req
1107. - What?
- You're fired.
Copy !req
1108. I have new representation.
Copy !req
1109. Who?
Copy !req
1110. - Excuse you. You're in my way.
- She's a student. She can't defend you.
Copy !req
1111. Massachusetts Supreme
Judicial Court Ruling 3.03.
Copy !req
1112. See?
Copy !req
1113. - Thank you, David.
- Counselors, approach the bench.
Copy !req
1114. - You're not going up there.
- Oh, yes, I am.
Copy !req
1115. I'm sorry. Maybe you
didn't hear me. You're fired.
Copy !req
1116. Counselors, now! All of you.
Copy !req
1117. Elle Woods, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1118. Rule 3.03 of Supreme Judicial Court
states that a law student
Copy !req
1119. may appear on behalf
of a defendant in criminal proceedings
Copy !req
1120. Your Honor,
I have no problem with this.
Copy !req
1121. - I do. I'm not allowing it.
- But you agreed last night.
Copy !req
1122. In your office,
when we were discussing my career?
Copy !req
1123. The ruling also states that you need
a licensed attorney to supervise you.
Copy !req
1124. - Mr. Callahan?
- That I won't agree to.
Copy !req
1125. I'll supervise, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1126. Well, then, Ms. Woods, proceed.
Copy !req
1127. Thank you, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1128. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
1129. Enjoy prison.
Copy !req
1130. Mrs. Windham,
you do realize what you're doing?
Copy !req
1131. Absolutely.
Copy !req
1132. - Oh, my God. There she is. Elle!
- Elle, we came to see your trial.
Copy !req
1133. Oh, look, how cute! There's, like,
a judge and everything. And jury people.
Copy !req
1134. - Vote for Elle!
- Ladies, take a seat.
Copy !req
1135. Go, girl.
Copy !req
1136. Do you swear to tell the whole truth and
nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Copy !req
1137. - I do.
- Be seated.
Copy !req
1138. Ms. Woods, you may
begin your questioning.
Copy !req
1139. First of all, I would like
to point out that,
Copy !req
1140. not only is there
no proof in this case,
Copy !req
1141. but there's a complete
lack of mens rea,
Copy !req
1142. which, by definition,
tells us that there can be no crime
Copy !req
1143. without a... vicious will.
Copy !req
1144. I am aware of the meaning of mens rea.
Copy !req
1145. What I'm unaware of is why
you're giving me a vocabulary lesson
Copy !req
1146. when you should be
questioning your witness.
Copy !req
1147. Yes, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1148. Ms. Windham...
Copy !req
1149. When you arrived back at the house...
Copy !req
1150. was your father there?
Copy !req
1151. Not that I saw. But like I said,
Copy !req
1152. I went straight upstairs
to take a shower.
Copy !req
1153. And... when you came downstairs,
what happened?
Copy !req
1154. I saw Brooke standing over his body...
Copy !req
1155. drenched in his blood.
Copy !req
1156. - But Mrs. Windham didn't have a gun?
- No, she'd stashed it by then.
Copy !req
1157. Move to strike that
from the record, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1158. - It's speculation.
- So stricken.
Copy !req
1159. Go ahead.
Copy !req
1160. Ms. Windham, did you hear a shot fired?
Copy !req
1161. No. I was in the shower.
Copy !req
1162. OK.
Copy !req
1163. So... sometime in the 20 minutes
Copy !req
1164. that you were in the shower...
Copy !req
1165. your father was shot?
Copy !req
1166. I guess.
Copy !req
1167. Your father was shot
while you were in the shower...
Copy !req
1168. but you didn't
hear the shot because...
Copy !req
1169. because you were in the shower?
Copy !req
1170. Yes. I was washing my hair.
Copy !req
1171. - Where is she going with this?
- Have a little faith, Gerard.
Copy !req
1172. Ms. Windham,
what had you done earlier that day?
Copy !req
1173. I got up, got a latte,
Copy !req
1174. went to the gym,
got a perm and came home.
Copy !req
1175. Where you got in the shower?
Copy !req
1176. I believe the witness has made it
clear that she was "in the shower. "
Copy !req
1177. Yes, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1178. Ms. Windham,
had you ever gotten a perm before?
Copy !req
1179. - Yes.
- How many, would you say?
Copy !req
1180. Two a year since I was 12.
Copy !req
1181. You do the math.
Copy !req
1182. You know, a girl in my sorority,
Tracy Marcinko, got a perm once.
Copy !req
1183. We all tried to talk her out of it.
Curls weren't a good look for her.
Copy !req
1184. She didn't have your bone structure.
Copy !req
1185. Aww.
Copy !req
1186. But thankfully, that same day,
Copy !req
1187. she entered the Beta Delta Pi
wet T-shirt contest,
Copy !req
1188. where she was completely
hosed down from head to toe.
Copy !req
1189. Objection! Why is this relevant?
Copy !req
1190. - I have a point. I promise.
- Then make it.
Copy !req
1191. Yes, ma'am.
Copy !req
1192. Chutney, why were Tracy Marcinko's
curls ruined when she got hosed down?
Copy !req
1193. - Because they got wet.
- Exactly.
Copy !req
1194. Because isn't it the first cardinal
rule of perm maintenance
Copy !req
1195. that you're forbidden
to wet your hair for at least 24 hours
Copy !req
1196. after getting a perm
at the risk of deactivating
Copy !req
1197. - the ammonium thioglycolate?
- Yes...
Copy !req
1198. And wouldn't somebody who's had,
say 30 perms before in their life
Copy !req
1199. be well aware of this rule?
Copy !req
1200. And if you weren't washing your hair,
as I suspect you weren't,
Copy !req
1201. because your curls are still intact,
wouldn't you have heard the gunshot?
Copy !req
1202. And if, in fact, you had heard the
gunshot, Brooke Windham
Copy !req
1203. wouldn't have had time to hide
the gun before you got downstairs,
Copy !req
1204. which would mean that you would've
had to have found Mrs. Windham
Copy !req
1205. with a gun in her hand to make
your story plausible. Isn't that right?
Copy !req
1206. She's my age, did she tell you that?
Copy !req
1207. How would you feel if your father
married someone your age?
Copy !req
1208. You, however, had time to hide the gun,
didn't you, Chutney?
Copy !req
1209. - After you shot your father.
- I didn't mean to shoot him!
Copy !req
1210. I thought it was you
walking through the door!
Copy !req
1211. Order! Order! Order.
Copy !req
1212. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1213. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1214. Bailiff, take the witness into custody,
Copy !req
1215. where she will be charged
for the murder of Heyworth Windham.
Copy !req
1216. In the matter of
The State v. Brooke Windham,
Copy !req
1217. this case is dismissed.
Copy !req
1218. Mrs. Windham, you are free to go.
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1219. Yes!
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1220. - How did you know Chutney was Iying?
- Because she's brilliant, of course.
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1221. The rules of hair care
are simple and finite.
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1222. Any Cosmo girl would've known.
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1223. Elle! Elle. Elle. Elle.
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1224. What?
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1225. I just wanted to say that you were...
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1226. so brilliant in there.
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1227. And that... I was wrong.
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1228. And... you are the girl for me.
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1229. - Really?
- Yes.
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1230. Pooh Bear...
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1231. I love you.
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1232. Oh, Warner.
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1233. I've waited so long
to hear you say that.
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1234. But if I'm gonna be a partner in
a law firm by the time I'm 30,
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1235. I need a boyfriend who's
not such a complete bonehead.
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1236. Thank you, boys.
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1237. Ladies and gentlemen,
I present the graduates
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1238. of Harvard Law School. Class of 2004.
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1239. I am personally very honored
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1240. to introduce this year's
class-elected speaker.
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1241. After getting off to a quite
interesting start here at Harvard,
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1242. she graduates today
with an invitation to join
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1243. one of Boston's
most prestigious law firms.
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1244. I am sure we are going
to see great things from her.
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1245. Ladies and gentlemen, Elle Woods.
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1246. On our very first day at Harvard,
a very wise professor quoted Aristotle.
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1247. "The law is reason free from passion. "
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1248. Well, no offense to Aristotle,
but in my three years at Harvard,
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1249. I have come to find
that passion is a key ingredient
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1250. to the study and practice
of law... and of life.
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1251. It is with passion, courage of
conviction, and strong sense of self
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1252. that we take our next
steps into the world,
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1253. remembering that first
impressions are not always correct.
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1254. You must always have faith in people...
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1255. and most importantly...
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1256. you must always
have faith in yourself.
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1257. Congratulations, class of 2004.
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1258. We did it!
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