1. Hi'.
Copy !req
2. I love that restaurant'.
I heard Madonna went into labor there.
Copy !req
3. Oh, gosh, I have to go shopping.
OK. I'll see you tonight.
Copy !req
4. OK. Bye.
Copy !req
5. Bruiser, what's this?
Copy !req
6. "Good luck tonight.
Elle and Warner forever."
Copy !req
7. That's so cute.
Copy !req
8. Oh, my gosh. You guys are so sweet.
Copy !req
9. But I'm not positive
it's gonna happen tonight.
Copy !req
10. Hello'. He just had lunch
with his grandmother.
Copy !req
11. You know he got the rock.
Copy !req
12. Why else would she have
flown in from Newport?
Copy !req
13. It's not like she'd
FedEx a six-carat diamond.
Copy !req
14. Do you really think?
Copy !req
15. I can't believe
you're getting engaged'.
Copy !req
16. Oh, my gosh. You guys have
to help me pick out the perfect outfit.
Copy !req
17. Come on.
Copy !req
18. I think you should go with
the red. It's the color of confidence.
Copy !req
19. I don't understand why you're completely
disregarding your signature color?
Copy !req
20. He's proposing. I can't look
like I would on any other date.
Copy !req
21. This is the date.
The night I'll always remember.
Copy !req
22. I wanna look special.
Copy !req
23. Bridal. But not like I expect anything.
Copy !req
24. There's nothing I love more than
a dumb blonde with Daddy's plastic.
Copy !req
25. You know how he gets excited...
Copy !req
26. Did you see this one?
We just got it in yesterday.
Copy !req
27. Oh'. Is this low-viscosity rayon?
Copy !req
28. Yes, of course.
Copy !req
29. With a half-loop top stitching
on the hem?
Copy !req
30. Absolutely. It's one of a kind.
Copy !req
31. It's impossible to use a half-loop
top stitching on low-viscosity rayon.
Copy !req
32. It would snag the fabric.
And you didn't just get it in.
Copy !req
33. I saw it in Teen Vogue a year ago.
Copy !req
34. So if you're trying
to sell it to me for full price,
Copy !req
35. you picked the wrong girl.
Copy !req
36. Girls, this is it.
Copy !req
37. In a few hours, I'll be the future
Mrs. Warner Huntington III.
Copy !req
38. Hello.
Copy !req
39. Wow.
Copy !req
40. You look so beautiful.
Copy !req
41. So do you.
Copy !req
42. Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
43. OK.
Copy !req
44. It must be strange
having such perfect eyes.
Copy !req
45. God, you're so wonderful.
Elle, thank you.
Copy !req
46. - Here's to us.
- To us.
Copy !req
47. - Elle...
- Yes.
Copy !req
48. One of the reasons I wanted to come
here tonight was to discuss our future.
Copy !req
49. I am fully amenable to that discussion.
Copy !req
50. Good.
Copy !req
51. You know how we've been having
all kinds of fun lately?
Copy !req
52. - Yeah.
- Well, Harvard is gonna be different.
Copy !req
53. Law school is a completely different
world, and I need to be serious.
Copy !req
54. Of course.
Copy !req
55. I mean, my family
expects a lot from me.
Copy !req
56. - Right.
- I expect a lot from me.
Copy !req
57. I plan on running for office some day.
Copy !req
58. And I fully support that, Warner.
You know that, right?
Copy !req
59. Absolutely.
Copy !req
60. But the thing is, if I'm gonna
be a senator by the time I'm 30,
Copy !req
61. I need to stop dicking around.
Copy !req
62. Oh, Warner... I completely agree.
Copy !req
63. Well, that's why I think
it's time for us...
Copy !req
64. Elle...
Copy !req
65. - ... Pooh Bear...
- Yes?
Copy !req
66. - I do.
- I think we should break up.
Copy !req
67. What?'.
Copy !req
68. I've been thinking about it,
and I think it's the right thing to do.
Copy !req
69. You're breaking up with me?
Copy !req
70. - I thought you were proposing.
- Proposing?
Copy !req
71. Elle'. If I'm gonna be a senator,
Copy !req
72. well, I need to marry a Jackie,
not a Marilyn.
Copy !req
73. So you're breaking up with me
because I'm too... blonde?
Copy !req
74. No. That's not entirely true.
Copy !req
75. Then what? My boobs are too big?
Copy !req
76. Your boobs are fine.
Copy !req
77. So when you said you would always love
me, you were just dicking around?
Copy !req
78. Elle, I... I do love you. I...
Copy !req
79. I just can't marry you.
Copy !req
80. You have no idea the pressure
that I am under.
Copy !req
81. My family has five
generations of senators.
Copy !req
82. My brother's
in the top three at Yale Law,
Copy !req
83. and he just got engaged
to a Vanderbilt, for Christ's sake'.
Copy !req
84. Bad salad.
Copy !req
85. Sweetie... Pooh Bear?
Copy !req
86. It's not like I have
a choice here, sweetheart.
Copy !req
87. OK, you get the car.
I'll get the check.
Copy !req
88. I won't be having salad.
Copy !req
89. Come on, let me take you home.
Copy !req
90. No.
Copy !req
91. Elle, believe me,
I never expected to do this.
Copy !req
92. But I think it's the right thing.
Copy !req
93. How can it be the right thing
when we're not together?
Copy !req
94. I have to think of my future
and what my family expects of me.
Copy !req
95. So you're breaking up with me because
you're afraid your family won't like me?
Copy !req
96. - Everybody likes me.
- Well, East Coast people are different.
Copy !req
97. Just because I'm not a Vanderbilt,
suddenly I'm white trash?
Copy !req
98. I grew up in Bel Air, Warner,
across the street from Aaron Spelling.
Copy !req
99. I think most people
would agree that's a lot better
Copy !req
100. than some stinky old Vanderbilt.
Copy !req
101. I told you, I need someone serious.
Copy !req
102. Well, I'm seriously in love with you.
Copy !req
103. Isn't that enough?
Copy !req
104. Pooh Bear, just get in the car.
Copy !req
105. No.
Copy !req
106. You're gonna ruin your shoes.
Copy !req
107. OK.
Copy !req
108. Morning, Amy.
Copy !req
109. Elle, it's Amy. I'm having trouble
with this whole lip-liner thing.
Copy !req
110. Sweetie, didn't you hear?
Copy !req
111. - Hear what?
- Oh... It's terrible. He dumped her.
Copy !req
112. Why me?
Copy !req
113. Because you're not gonna remember
anything after tonight.
Copy !req
114. Oh, you're wrong.
Copy !req
115. I will remember, no matter what.
Copy !req
116. And I'm never gonna lose you again.
Copy !req
117. You couldn't.
You're a part of me.
Copy !req
118. I love you.
Copy !req
119. Liar'.
Copy !req
120. Honey, you have to leave this room.
Copy !req
121. It's been, like, a week.
Copy !req
122. - So?
- Drink this.
Copy !req
123. What's the one thing that always
makes us feel better, no matter what?
Copy !req
124. She had eight grilled-cheese sandwiches.
Copy !req
125. She just stuffed 'em in her mouth,
all at once. It was so sad.
Copy !req
126. We thought she'd be
the first to walk down the aisle,
Copy !req
127. and now she's totally adrift.
Copy !req
128. Totally.
Copy !req
129. She hasn't conditioned
her hair in a week.
Copy !req
130. Maybe she's
going for the grunge look.
Copy !req
131. And, like, her nails
are full-on chipped.
Copy !req
132. So trailer park.
Copy !req
133. Oh, my God'.
Copy !req
134. - Do you know who this is?
- No.
Copy !req
135. - That's Warner's older brother.
- Who?
Copy !req
136. "Third-year Yale Law student,
Putnam Bowes Huntington III
Copy !req
137. and his fiancée,
Layne Walker Vanderbilt,
Copy !req
138. first year, Yale Law."
Copy !req
139. This is the type of girl
Warner wants to marry.
Copy !req
140. This is what I need
to become to be serious.
Copy !req
141. What? Practically deformed?
Copy !req
142. No'.
Copy !req
143. A law student.
Copy !req
144. Elle?
Copy !req
145. Law school?
Copy !req
146. It's a perfectly
respectable place, Daddy.
Copy !req
147. Honey, you were first runner-up
Copy !req
148. at the Miss Hawaiian Tropics contest.
Copy !req
149. Why are you gonna throw that all away?
Copy !req
150. Going to Harvard is the only way
I'm gonna get the love of my life back.
Copy !req
151. Sweetheart, you don't need law school.
Copy !req
152. Law school's for people
who are boring and ugly and serious.
Copy !req
153. And you, button,
are none of those things.
Copy !req
154. - Harvard Law School?
- That's right.
Copy !req
155. - But that's a top-three school.
- I have a 4.0.
Copy !req
156. Yes. But your major
is fashion merchandising.
Copy !req
157. Harvard won't be impressed
that you aced History of Polka Dots.
Copy !req
158. What are your backups?
Copy !req
159. I don't need backups.
I'm going to Harvard.
Copy !req
160. Well, then. You'll need excellent
recommendations from your professors.
Copy !req
161. OK.
Copy !req
162. - And a heck of an admissions essay.
- Right.
Copy !req
163. And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
Copy !req
164. I once had to judge a tighty-whitey
contest for Lambda Kappa Pi.
Copy !req
165. Trust me. I can handle anything.
Copy !req
166. - Thanks.
- Welcome.
Copy !req
167. Because I have a metrabolism.
I have a really high metrabolism.
Copy !req
168. It's metabol...
Copy !req
169. Oh, my God. What are you doing?
Copy !req
170. Reading about the LSATs.
Copy !req
171. My cousin had that.
You get a really bad rash on your...
Copy !req
172. The LSATs are an exam.
Girls, I'm going to Harvard.
Copy !req
173. - You mean, like, on vacay?
- Let's all go'.
Copy !req
174. Road trip'.
Copy !req
175. No. I'm going to Harvard Law School.
Copy !req
176. Why?
Copy !req
177. Elle. Elle...
Copy !req
178. I know you're upset about all this,
but can't you just take a Percocet?
Copy !req
179. OK. Once Warner sees me as a serious
law student, he'll totally want me back.
Copy !req
180. It's a completely brilliant plan.
Copy !req
181. But isn't it hard
to get into law school?
Copy !req
182. I have the highest GPA in Delta Nu.
Copy !req
183. Oh, well. Here.
You're gonna need this.
Copy !req
184. - Your scrunchie?
- My lucky scrunchie.
Copy !req
185. It helped me pass Spanish.
Copy !req
186. You passed Spanish because
you gave Professor Montoya
Copy !req
187. a lap dance after the final.
Copy !req
188. Yeah. Luckily.
Copy !req
189. Oh, hi.
Copy !req
190. My name is Elle Woods,
and for my admissions essay,
Copy !req
191. I'm gonna tell all of you at Harvard
why I'm gonna make an amazing lawyer.
Copy !req
192. As president of my sorority,
Copy !req
193. I'm skilled at commanding the
attention of a room,
Copy !req
194. and discussing very important issues.
Copy !req
195. It has come to my attention
that the maintenance staff
Copy !req
196. is switching our toilet paper
from Charmin to generic.
Copy !req
197. All those opposed to chafing, say "aye."
Copy !req
198. Aye.
Copy !req
199. Neither type of opera
or neither type of rap is on sale.
Copy !req
200. Neither type of jazz
and neither type of opera is on sale.
Copy !req
201. Neither type of opera..."
Copy !req
202. - Party'.
- Delta Nu, we love you'.
Copy !req
203. Hey. Mm-mm.
Copy !req
204. OK.
Copy !req
205. I'm able to recall hundreds of
important details at the drop of a hat.
Copy !req
206. Hey, Elle, do you know what happened
on Days of Our Lives yesterday?
Copy !req
207. Why yes, Margot, I do.
Copy !req
208. Once again, we joined Hope
in the search for her identity.
Copy !req
209. She's been brainwashed
by the evil Stefano.
Copy !req
210. - Three...
- Get set, and go'.
Copy !req
211. 143.
Copy !req
212. I feel comfortable
using legal jargon in everyday life.
Copy !req
213. I object!
Copy !req
214. Elle'. It's here.
Copy !req
215. The LSAT scores'.
Copy !req
216. 179'.
Copy !req
217. 179'. 179'.
Copy !req
218. And that's why you should
vote for me, Elle Woods,
Copy !req
219. future lawyer,
for the class of 2004.
Copy !req
220. She does have a 4.0 from CULA,
Copy !req
221. and she got a 179 on her LSATs.
Copy !req
222. A fashion major?
Copy !req
223. Well, sir, we've never had one before,
Copy !req
224. and aren't we always
looking for diversity?
Copy !req
225. Her list of extracurricular
activities is impressive.
Copy !req
226. - She was in a Ricky Martin video.
- Clearly, she's interested in music.
Copy !req
227. She also designed a line of...
Copy !req
228. faux-fur panties
for her sorority's charity project.
Copy !req
229. She's a friend to the animals,
as well as a philanthropist.
Copy !req
230. Elle Woods.
Copy !req
231. Welcome to Harvard.
Copy !req
232. Oh, Bruiser, it's so exciting.
Look'. Harvard.
Copy !req
233. Are you excited?
Copy !req
234. This is our new house
for the next three years.
Copy !req
235. Oh, are you thirsty?
Copy !req
236. OK, let's get you some water.
Copy !req
237. Sweetheart, you just look parched.
Copy !req
238. Hey, Brad,
check out Malibu Barbie.
Copy !req
239. Where's the beach, honey?
Copy !req
240. There you go. Good boy.
Copy !req
241. Warner's gonna be so excited to see you.
Copy !req
242. Guys, this way.
Copy !req
243. - This ain't LA'.
- Come on, Bruiser.
Copy !req
244. Check it out. Look at the way she walks.
Copy !req
245. It's gonna be so exciting.
Don't be scared, everyone will love you.
Copy !req
246. Hi. Woods comma Elle.
Copy !req
247. Class schedule, map, book list.
Copy !req
248. Wait a second.
My social events calendar is missing.
Copy !req
249. Your what?
Copy !req
250. Social events.
You know, mixers, formals,
Copy !req
251. clambakes, trips to the Cape.
Copy !req
252. OK. Has Warner Huntington III
checked in yet?
Copy !req
253. No.
Copy !req
254. Maybe you should check with
the cruise director on the lido deck.
Copy !req
255. OK. Welcome to law school.
Copy !req
256. This is the part where we
go around in a circle
Copy !req
257. and everyone says
a little bit about themselves.
Copy !req
258. Let's start with you.
Copy !req
259. My name is David Kidney.
Copy !req
260. I have a Master's
in Russian literature,
Copy !req
261. a PhD in biochemistry, and...
Copy !req
262. for the last 18 months,
I've been deworming orphans in Somalia.
Copy !req
263. - Awesome. What about you?
- Hey. How you doin'? I'm Enid Wexler.
Copy !req
264. Got a PhD from Berkeley
in women's studies,
Copy !req
265. emphasis in the history of combat.
Copy !req
266. Last year, I single-handedly organized
Copy !req
267. the march for Lesbians
Against Drunk Driving.
Copy !req
268. - Killer.
- Thanks. Good times.
Copy !req
269. Aaron Mitchell. I graduated
first in my class from Princeton.
Copy !req
270. I have an IQ of 187.
Copy !req
271. It's been suggested that Stephen Hawking
stole his Brief History of Time...
Copy !req
272. from my fourth-grade paper.
Copy !req
273. Cool.
Copy !req
274. - Me?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
275. OK. Hi. I'm Elle Woods
and this is Bruiser Woods.
Copy !req
276. We're both Gemini vegetarians.
Copy !req
277. I have a bachelor's degree
in fashion merchandising from CULA.
Copy !req
278. And I was a Zeta Lambda Nu Sweetheart,
Copy !req
279. president of my sorority, Delta Nu,
Copy !req
280. and last year I was Homecoming Queen.
Copy !req
281. Oh'. Two weeks ago
I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal,
Copy !req
282. and I talked her out of buying
this truly heinous angora sweater.
Copy !req
283. Whoever said orange was
the new pink was seriously disturbed.
Copy !req
284. Wish me luck, Bruiser.
Copy !req
285. This is my first class
as a serious law student.
Copy !req
286. I totally look the part.
Copy !req
287. Hi.
Copy !req
288. Hey.
Copy !req
289. Elle?
Copy !req
290. Warner?
I totally forgot you go here.
Copy !req
291. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
292. I'm sorry. Are you here to see me?
Copy !req
293. No, silly. I go here.
Copy !req
294. - You go where?
- Harvard. Law School.
Copy !req
295. You got into Harvard Law?
Copy !req
296. What, like it's hard?
Copy !req
297. Oh, my gosh. It's gonna be so great.
Copy !req
298. I'm planning this great mixer.
You totally have to help me.
Copy !req
299. I'm thinking, like, a luau,
or maybe a casino night.
Copy !req
300. This is gonna be just
like senior year, except for funner.
Copy !req
301. Oh, time to go. I have to go to class,
Copy !req
302. but meet me after,
on the benches, OK? Bye'.
Copy !req
303. A legal education...
Copy !req
304. means you will
learn to speak in a new language.
Copy !req
305. You will be taught to achieve
insight into the world around you,
Copy !req
306. and to sharply question what you know.
Copy !req
307. The seat you have picked will be yours
Copy !req
308. for the next nine months of your life'.
Copy !req
309. And those of you in the front row...
Copy !req
310. beware.
Copy !req
311. "The law is reason free from passion."
Copy !req
312. Does anyone know
who spoke those immortal words?
Copy !req
313. Yes?
Copy !req
314. Aristotle.
Copy !req
315. - Are you sure?
- Yes.
Copy !req
316. Would you be willing
to stake your life on it?
Copy !req
317. I think so.
Copy !req
318. What about...
Copy !req
319. - Ow'.
- ... his life?
Copy !req
320. - I don't know.
- Well...
Copy !req
321. I recommend
knowing before speaking.
Copy !req
322. The law leaves much room
for interpretation...
Copy !req
323. but very little for self-doubt.
Copy !req
324. And you were right.
Copy !req
325. - It was Aristotle.
- Good job.
Copy !req
326. Now, I assume all of you
have read pages one through 48,
Copy !req
327. and are now well-versed
in subject matter jurisdiction.
Copy !req
328. Who can tell us
about Gordon v. Steele?
Copy !req
329. Let's call on someone from the hot zone.
Copy !req
330. Elle Woods?
Copy !req
331. Actually, I wasn't aware
that we had an assignment.
Copy !req
332. Vivian Kensington.
Copy !req
333. Do you think it's acceptable
that Ms. Woods is not prepared?
Copy !req
334. No.
Copy !req
335. I don't.
Copy !req
336. Would you support my decision
to ask her to leave class,
Copy !req
337. and to return only
when she is prepared?
Copy !req
338. Absolutely.
Copy !req
339. Now, Ms. Kensington...
Copy !req
340. Did diversity jurisdiction
exist in this case?
Copy !req
341. No, it did not.
Copy !req
342. Good. However, in the case of...
Copy !req
343. Excuse me. Are you OK?
Copy !req
344. Yeah.
Copy !req
345. But do they put you on the spot
like that, like, all the time?
Copy !req
346. The professors? Yeah, they tend
to do that. Socratic method.
Copy !req
347. So, if you don't know the answer,
they're just gonna kick you out?
Copy !req
348. - So you have Stromwell, huh?
- Yes'. Did she do that to you too?
Copy !req
349. No. But she did make me cry once.
Copy !req
350. Not in class, I waited till
I got back to my room.
Copy !req
351. But she'll kick you right in the ball...
Copy !req
352. Or wherever, you know.
Copy !req
353. But, yeah, she's tough. Really tough.
Copy !req
354. Great.
Copy !req
355. Don't worry, though. It gets better.
Who else do you have?
Copy !req
356. I have Callahan, Royalton and Levinthal.
Copy !req
357. Yeah. Let's see.
Speak up in Callahan's class.
Copy !req
358. He really likes people
that are opinionated.
Copy !req
359. - OK.
- And in Royalton's class...
Copy !req
360. try to get a seat in the back.
Copy !req
361. He tends to spit when
he talks about products liability.
Copy !req
362. And... for Levinthal,
make sure you read the footnotes,
Copy !req
363. 'cause that's where he gets
a lot of his exam questions from.
Copy !req
364. Right.
Copy !req
365. Wow. I'm really glad I met you.
Copy !req
366. - Hey.
- Are you a third-year?
Copy !req
367. - Well, I'm a...
- Hey, Elle.
Copy !req
368. Hi.
Copy !req
369. - Thanks for all your help.
- Good luck.
Copy !req
370. - Hi, Warner.
- Hi...
Copy !req
371. So...
Copy !req
372. - How was your first class?
- It was good,
Copy !req
373. except for this horrible preppy girl
Copy !req
374. who tried to make me look bad in front
of the professor, but no biggie.
Copy !req
375. You're here now.
So how was your summer?
Copy !req
376. Good. It was good.
Copy !req
377. Did you do anything exciting?
Copy !req
378. Hey'.
Copy !req
379. Have... Have you met Viv... ian?
Copy !req
380. Oh, hi. Vivian Kensington.
Copy !req
381. - Do you know her?
- She's...
Copy !req
382. I'm his fiancée.
Copy !req
383. I'm sorry. I just hallucinated.
Copy !req
384. What?
Copy !req
385. Yeah... She...
Copy !req
386. She was my girlfriend in prep school.
Copy !req
387. Well, we got back together this summer
at my grandmother's birthday party.
Copy !req
388. Warner told me all about you.
Copy !req
389. You're famous at our club.
Copy !req
390. But he didn't tell me you'd be here.
Copy !req
391. Pooh Bear, I didn't know
she would be here.
Copy !req
392. Excuse me.
Copy !req
393. Hey, watch out'.
Copy !req
394. Thank God'.
Copy !req
395. Are you free?
It's an emergency.
Copy !req
396. - Bad day?
- You can't even imagine.
Copy !req
397. Spill.
Copy !req
398. I worked
so hard to get into law school.
Copy !req
399. I blew off Greek Week
to study for the LSATs.
Copy !req
400. I even hired a Coppola
to direct my admissions video.
Copy !req
401. All to get my boyfriend Warner back,
Copy !req
402. and now he's engaged
to this awful girl, Vivian.
Copy !req
403. So it was all for nothing, and I...
I just wish...
Copy !req
404. I just wish I had
never gone to Harvard.
Copy !req
405. - After you went to all that trouble.
- He's engaged.
Copy !req
406. She's got the six-carat Harry Winston
on her bony, unpolished finger.
Copy !req
407. What am I supposed to do?
Copy !req
408. You're askin' the wrong girl.
Copy !req
409. I mean, I'm with my guy eight years,
and then one day it's,
Copy !req
410. "I met someone else. Move out."
Copy !req
411. Oh, no. That's awful.
Copy !req
412. Dewey kept the trailer
and my precious baby, Rufus.
Copy !req
413. I didn't even get to throw him
a birthday party.
Copy !req
414. No'.
Copy !req
415. I mean, what's a girl to do?
Copy !req
416. He's a guy who followed
his pecker to greener pastures,
Copy !req
417. and I'm a middle-aged
high school dropout...
Copy !req
418. who's got stretch marks
and a fat ass.
Copy !req
419. - That's terrible.
- Yeah. Happens every day.
Copy !req
420. So what's this Vivian got
that you don't have?
Copy !req
421. Three tits?
Copy !req
422. She's from Connecticut.
She belongs to his stupid country club.
Copy !req
423. Is she as pretty as you?
Copy !req
424. She could use some mascara
and some serious highlights, but...
Copy !req
425. she's not completely
unfortunate-looking.
Copy !req
426. Hello, ladies. How ya doin'?
Copy !req
427. Sign here.
Copy !req
428. Oh, look what I did.
Copy !req
429. - See you later.
- Bye, sugar.
Copy !req
430. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
431. Could I have been
any more goddamn spastic?
Copy !req
432. It's OK.
Copy !req
433. Are you sure this Warner guy
is, like, the one?
Copy !req
434. Definitely. I love him.
Copy !req
435. If a girl like you
can't hold on to her man,
Copy !req
436. then there sure as hell
isn't any hope for the rest of us.
Copy !req
437. What are you waitin' for?
Copy !req
438. Steal the bastard back.
Copy !req
439. I should warn you, that in addition
to competing against each other
Copy !req
440. for the top grade in this class,
Copy !req
441. you will also be competing
for one of my firm's
Copy !req
442. highly-coveted four internship
spots next year,
Copy !req
443. where you will get
to assist on actual cases.
Copy !req
444. Let the bloodbath begin.
Copy !req
445. Now, let's commence
with our usual torture.
Copy !req
446. Ms. Woods.
Copy !req
447. Would you rather have a client
who committed a crime malum in se,
Copy !req
448. or malum prohibitum?
Copy !req
449. - Neither.
- Why is that?
Copy !req
450. I would rather have
a client who's innocent.
Copy !req
451. Dare to dream, Ms. Woods.
Copy !req
452. Ms. Kensington, which would you prefer?
Copy !req
453. Malum prohibitum.
Copy !req
454. Because then the client would've
committed a regulatory infraction,
Copy !req
455. as opposed to a dangerous crime.
Copy !req
456. Well done, Ms. Kensington.
Copy !req
457. You've obviously done your homework.
Copy !req
458. Now, let us look at malum prohibitum
a little more closely.
Copy !req
459. It has been said...
Copy !req
460. Yes, Ms. Woods?
Copy !req
461. I changed my mind.
I'd pick the dangerous one,
Copy !req
462. 'cause I'm not afraid of a challenge.
Copy !req
463. Hike'.
Copy !req
464. Who is that?
Copy !req
465. Guys...
Copy !req
466. - Hi'.
- Warner, do you know her?
Copy !req
467. Hi.
Copy !req
468. - Hi, everybody.
- Elle. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
469. I've come to join your study group.
And look, I brought sustenance.
Copy !req
470. - Who's first?
- Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Our group is full.
Copy !req
471. - Oh, is this like an RSVP thing?
- No, it's like a smart-people thing.
Copy !req
472. And, as Viv said, we're full.
Copy !req
473. Come on, guys.
We can make room for one more.
Copy !req
474. - Ow'.
- We've already assigned the outlines.
Copy !req
475. The answer is no.
Copy !req
476. OK. I'll just leave, then.
Copy !req
477. Bye.
Copy !req
478. Hey, maybe there's, like, a sorority
you could, like, join instead, like...
Copy !req
479. You know, if you had come
to a rush party,
Copy !req
480. I would have at least been nice to you.
Copy !req
481. Oh, is that before
you voted against me,
Copy !req
482. then called me a dyke behind my back?
Copy !req
483. I don't use that word.
Copy !req
484. You must have heard it from Vivian.
Copy !req
485. - Hello?
- Hey, it's me.
Copy !req
486. It's Elle'.
Copy !req
487. Guess what I'm doing right this second?
Copy !req
488. I don't know. What?
Copy !req
489. I'm picking out my wedding dress'.
Copy !req
490. - What?
- Josh proposed.
Copy !req
491. Did you get the rock yet?
Copy !req
492. Almost.
Copy !req
493. Well, hurry up, so you can come home.
We miss you.
Copy !req
494. I miss you guys too.
The people here are so vile.
Copy !req
495. - Hardly anybody speaks to me, unless...
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
496. I almost forgot to tell you.
Copy !req
497. - What?
- I got bangs.
Copy !req
498. - My hair is so "now."
- Really?
Copy !req
499. OK, so just listen to me.
Keep June 1st open.
Copy !req
500. You're one of my bridesmaids.
And give Warner our love.
Copy !req
501. Because I'm getting married'.
I'm getting...
Copy !req
502. So don't forget.
Eight o'clock at 45 Dunstan Street.
Copy !req
503. It'll be a really nice party.
Copy !req
504. Oh, and don't forget
to bring your own merlot.
Copy !req
505. No way'. Is somebody at this school
actually... having a party?
Copy !req
506. Yes.
Copy !req
507. But it's a costume party.
You probably wouldn't wanna come.
Copy !req
508. I love costume parties.
Copy !req
509. Oh. Well, then,
I guess we'll see you there.
Copy !req
510. OK.
Copy !req
511. Oh. At 45 Dunstan Street. OK.
Copy !req
512. Oh, my God'.
Copy !req
513. Hey.
Copy !req
514. Thanks for inviting me, girls.
This party is super fun.
Copy !req
515. - Nice outfit.
- Oh, I like your outfit, too.
Copy !req
516. Except when I dress up
as a frigid bitch,
Copy !req
517. I try not to look so constipated.
Copy !req
518. She's horrible.
Copy !req
519. You've got the ring, sweetie.
Copy !req
520. How you doin'?
Copy !req
521. Warner'. The English language
is all about subliminal domination.
Copy !req
522. Take the word, "semester," OK?
This is a perfect example
Copy !req
523. of this school's discriminatory
preference of semen to ovaries.
Copy !req
524. That's why I'm petitioning
to have next term be referred to
Copy !req
525. as the winter "ovester."
Copy !req
526. Excuse me. Hey, Warner.
Copy !req
527. Wow. Well, don't you look
like a walking felony?
Copy !req
528. - Thank you. You're so sweet.
- Ugh'.
Copy !req
529. - Are you having fun?
- I am now.
Copy !req
530. What... What's with the costume?
Copy !req
531. Oh. I just decided to dress up.
Copy !req
532. Really?
Copy !req
533. You know, I feel like we barely get to
see each other since we've been here.
Copy !req
534. I know. I'm so busy
with these case studies and hypos.
Copy !req
535. I know you mean.
I can't imagine doing all this
Copy !req
536. and Callahan's internship next year.
Copy !req
537. This is gonna be so much.
Copy !req
538. Oh, Elle...
Copy !req
539. Come on, you're never
gonna get the grades
Copy !req
540. to qualify for one of those spots.
Copy !req
541. You're not smart enough, sweetie.
Copy !req
542. Wait. Am I on glue, or did we not
get into the same law school, Warner?
Copy !req
543. - Well, yeah, but...
- But what?
Copy !req
544. We took the same LSATs,
and we're taking the same classes.
Copy !req
545. I know. But come on, Elle, be serious.
Copy !req
546. You can do something
more valuable with your time.
Copy !req
547. I'm never gonna be
good enough for you, am I?
Copy !req
548. - Elle, come on.
- Just forget it.
Copy !req
549. I'll show you how valuable
Elle Woods can be.
Copy !req
550. - Don't ask.
- Wasn't gonna.
Copy !req
551. I love that sweater. It's Chanel.
Copy !req
552. - Look.
- Is she carrying books?
Copy !req
553. Thanks.
Copy !req
554. So, you've filed a claim.
Copy !req
555. What next?
Copy !req
556. Ms. Woods?
Copy !req
557. - Don't you need to have evidence?
- Meaning?
Copy !req
558. Meaning you need reasonable belief
Copy !req
559. that your claim should have, like,
evidentiary support?
Copy !req
560. And what kind of evidentiary support
does this case require?
Copy !req
561. Yo quiero Taco Bell.
Copy !req
562. Welcome back...
Copy !req
563. In the article, you talk
about all sorts of things:
Copy !req
564. corrupt cops...
Copy !req
565. And the purpose
of diminished capacity is?
Copy !req
566. To negate mens rea?
Copy !req
567. Are you ready?
Copy !req
568. No.
Copy !req
569. Yes. Yes, you are.
Copy !req
570. Go. You can do this.
Copy !req
571. "Listen to me, Dewey.
You shut your mouth."
Copy !req
572. No. "You shut your big mouth."
Copy !req
573. "I'm doing all the talking."
Copy !req
574. What the hell do you want?
We're eatin' lunch.
Copy !req
575. I just thought that...
Copy !req
576. You just thought you could come and
show me what I'm definitely not missin'?
Copy !req
577. That's not why I came by.
Copy !req
578. Paulette, how many times you gonna
come here beggin' me to take you back?
Copy !req
579. I was... I...
Copy !req
580. - Dewey Newcombe?
- Who's askin'?
Copy !req
581. I'm Elle Woods,
Ms. Bonifante's attorney.
Copy !req
582. And I'm here to discuss
the legal situation at hand.
Copy !req
583. Come again?
Copy !req
584. Do you understand
what subject matter jurisdiction is?
Copy !req
585. - No.
- I didn't think so.
Copy !req
586. Well, due to... habeas corpus,
Copy !req
587. you and Ms. Bonifante
had a common law marriage,
Copy !req
588. which, heretofore, entitles her
to what is legally referred to
Copy !req
589. as "equitable division of the assets."
Copy !req
590. Come again?
Copy !req
591. Due to the fact that you've retained...
this residence...
Copy !req
592. Ms. Bonifante is entitled
to full canine property ownership,
Copy !req
593. and will be enforcing said ownership...
Copy !req
594. right now.
Copy !req
595. - Huh?
- Tell him, Paulette.
Copy !req
596. I'm takin' the dog... dumb-ass'.
Copy !req
597. We did it'.
Copy !req
598. Come here.
Copy !req
599. Oh, my gosh, did you see him?
He's probably still scratching his head.
Copy !req
600. Which must be
a nice vacation for his balls.
Copy !req
601. Thank you.
Copy !req
602. Well, according to Swinney v. Neubert,
Copy !req
603. Swinney, who was also
a private sperm donor,
Copy !req
604. was allowed visitation rights
as long as he came to terms
Copy !req
605. with the hours set forth by the parents.
Copy !req
606. So, if we're sticking to past precedent,
I mean, Mr. Latimer wasn't stalking.
Copy !req
607. He was clearly within his rights
to ask for visitation.
Copy !req
608. But Swinney was
a one-time sperm donor.
Copy !req
609. And, in our case, the defendant
was an habitual sperm donor,
Copy !req
610. who also happens to be harassing
the parents in his quest for visitation.
Copy !req
611. Well, yeah, but I mean,
without this man's sperm...
Copy !req
612. the child in question wouldn't exist.
Copy !req
613. Now you're thinking like a lawyer.
Copy !req
614. Yes, Ms. Woods?
Copy !req
615. Although Mr. Huntington
makes an excellent point,
Copy !req
616. I have to wonder
if the defendant kept a thorough record
Copy !req
617. of every sperm emission
made throughout his life.
Copy !req
618. Interesting. Why do you ask?
Copy !req
619. Well, unless the defendant attempted
Copy !req
620. to contact every single
one-night stand
Copy !req
621. to determine if a child
resulted in those unions,
Copy !req
622. he has no parental claim
over this child, whatsoever.
Copy !req
623. Why now? Why this sperm?
Copy !req
624. - I see your point.
- And for that matter,
Copy !req
625. all masturbatory emissions where his
sperm was clearly not seeking an egg,
Copy !req
626. could be termed reckless abandonment.
Copy !req
627. I believe you've just won your case.
Copy !req
628. - Ms. Woods, you did well today.
- Really?
Copy !req
629. You're applying
for my internship, aren't you?
Copy !req
630. - I don't know.
- Well, you should.
Copy !req
631. - Do you have a résumé?
- Yes, I do.
Copy !req
632. Here it is.
Copy !req
633. - It's pink.
- Oh, and it's scented.
Copy !req
634. I think it gives it a little
something extra, don't you think?
Copy !req
635. OK. Well, see you next class.
Copy !req
636. Do you think she woke up
one morning and said,
Copy !req
637. "I think I'll go to law school today?"
Copy !req
638. Well, that lapse in judgment aside,
I think she's got a lot of potential.
Copy !req
639. Here's the Windham file.
Copy !req
640. Smell this.
Copy !req
641. - What's that?
- It's her résumé.
Copy !req
642. It smells good.
Copy !req
643. What's going on?
Copy !req
644. Callahan's firm
is defending a murder trial.
Copy !req
645. His case load is so big,
he's taking on first-year interns.
Copy !req
646. - He picked 'em already?
- I can't believe it, Warner'.
Copy !req
647. - We got it'.
- Yes.
Copy !req
648. That only leaves one for...
Copy !req
649. Me'.
Copy !req
650. Yes'.
Copy !req
651. Oh, Warner.
Copy !req
652. Do you remember when
we spent those four amazing hours
Copy !req
653. in the hot tub after Winter Formal?
Copy !req
654. Yeah... No.
Copy !req
655. This is so much better than that'.
Copy !req
656. Excuse me. I have some shopping to do.
Copy !req
657. Four hours?
Copy !req
658. You look very nice today, Vivian.
Copy !req
659. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Copy !req
660. We're defending Brooke Windham,
whose very wealthy husband
Copy !req
661. was found shot dead
in their Beacon Hill mansion.
Copy !req
662. - Gold-digger?
- You'd think so,
Copy !req
663. since the stiff was 60,
but she was rich on her own.
Copy !req
664. Some kind of fitness empire.
Copy !req
665. You can buy her exercise tapes
on infomercials.
Copy !req
666. Wait, are you
talking about Brooke Taylor?
Copy !req
667. Maiden name, Taylor. You know her?
Copy !req
668. She's a Delta Nu.
She wasn't in my pledge class.
Copy !req
669. She graduated four years before me.
Copy !req
670. But I used to take her class
at the Los Angeles Sports Club.
Copy !req
671. She's amazing.
Copy !req
672. "Amazing?" How?
Copy !req
673. She can make you lose
three pounds in one class.
Copy !req
674. She's completely gifted.
Copy !req
675. Well, in all likelihood,
she's completely guilty as well.
Copy !req
676. She was seen standing
over her husband's body.
Copy !req
677. By who?
Copy !req
678. His 26-year-old daughter
and the pool boy.
Copy !req
679. - Sorry I'm late. Excuse me.
- This is Emmett Richmond, an associate.
Copy !req
680. Top three in his class
and former editor of Harvard Law Review.
Copy !req
681. You've probably seen him lurking
around campus doing my research.
Copy !req
682. Thanks for the introduction.
Copy !req
683. So, what about
the murder weapon?
Copy !req
684. The gun is missing.
Copy !req
685. Coroner said he'd been dead
30 minutes when the cops arrived,
Copy !req
686. giving Brooke
plenty of time to stash it.
Copy !req
687. I just don't think Brooke
could have done this.
Copy !req
688. Exercise gives you endorphins.
Endorphins make you happy.
Copy !req
689. Happy people just don't
shoot their husbands.
Copy !req
690. They just don't.
Copy !req
691. I didn't do it.
Copy !req
692. I walked in. I saw my husband
lying on the floor.
Copy !req
693. I bent down to check his heart,
screamed my head off,
Copy !req
694. and then Enrique
and Chutney ran inside.
Copy !req
695. OK, your stepdaughter
and the pool boy came in,
Copy !req
696. where they saw you standing
over the body, covered in his blood.
Copy !req
697. Why would I kill my husband?
Copy !req
698. Insurance? A love affair?
Pure unadulterated hatred?
Copy !req
699. Believe me, the DA will
come up with plenty of reasons.
Copy !req
700. I loved him.
Copy !req
701. He was 34 years older than you.
Copy !req
702. That doesn't look so good to a jury.
Copy !req
703. Then show them a picture of his dick.
Copy !req
704. That might clear a few things up.
Copy !req
705. Brooke, I believe you.
Copy !req
706. But a jury is gonna want an alibi.
Copy !req
707. Well, I can't give you that.
Copy !req
708. And if you put me
on the stand, I'll lie.
Copy !req
709. Well, then,
I guess we're done for today.
Copy !req
710. - Hey. I know you.
- Hi.
Copy !req
711. I'm a Delta Nu.
And I'm a huge fan of yours.
Copy !req
712. - You took my class in LA.
- Uh-huh.
Copy !req
713. You had the best high kick
I've ever seen.
Copy !req
714. - Are you one of my lawyers?
- Yeah, sort of.
Copy !req
715. Well, thank God one of you has a brain.
Copy !req
716. Let's go.
Copy !req
717. I'm the only one that believes her.
Callahan totally thinks she's guilty.
Copy !req
718. That's 'cause men
are big fat retards who don't...
Copy !req
719. - Afternoon, ladies.
- It's him.
Copy !req
720. Paulette Bonifante.
Copy !req
721. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
722. He's coming over here.
Copy !req
723. I've got a package.
Copy !req
724. He's got a package.
Copy !req
725. - How you doin' today?
- Fine.
Copy !req
726. Take it easy.
Copy !req
727. - See you later.
- Take it easy.
Copy !req
728. That's great, Paulette.
Copy !req
729. Is this the only interaction
you two have ever had?
Copy !req
730. No'.
Copy !req
731. Sometimes I say, "OK,"
instead of "fine."
Copy !req
732. Why don't you offer him a cold beverage,
or a neck massage, or something?
Copy !req
733. - Oh, come on, what's the point?
- Trust me. You have all the equipment.
Copy !req
734. You just need to read the manual.
Copy !req
735. Do you know what I'm saying?
Copy !req
736. I'm gonna show a little maneuver
that my mother taught me in junior high.
Copy !req
737. In my experience,
it has a 98 percent success rate
Copy !req
738. of getting a man's attention and,
when used appropriately,
Copy !req
739. it has an 83 percent rate
of return on a dinner invitation.
Copy !req
740. Wow.
Copy !req
741. It's called the "bend and snap."
Watch this.
Copy !req
742. I think I dropped something
that I need to pick up.
Copy !req
743. So you bend...
Copy !req
744. and snap. See?
Copy !req
745. Come on. You try.
Copy !req
746. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
747. OK...
Copy !req
748. Yeah. A little less bend,
a little more snap.
Copy !req
749. Like this?
Copy !req
750. Good snap'. Come on.
Copy !req
751. You'. Come on. You can do it.
Copy !req
752. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
753. We can all do it. Come on, guys'.
Copy !req
754. You're gonna bend... and snap.
Copy !req
755. Now put your head into it.
Copy !req
756. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
757. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
758. Good job'.
A little attitude, please.
Copy !req
759. Now, everybody, smile.
That's very important.
Copy !req
760. Pump'. Pump, pump'.
Copy !req
761. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
762. Good job, everybody.
Copy !req
763. Work it out'. Work it out'.
Copy !req
764. Wow'.
Copy !req
765. Come on, Paulette.
Copy !req
766. Bend... and snap.
Copy !req
767. Oh, my God. The bend and snap.
Works every time.
Copy !req
768. Well, if Brooke didn't kill the guy,
then who did?
Copy !req
769. My money is on
the angry daughter or the ex-wife.
Copy !req
770. Chutney has a trust fund.
Copy !req
771. She didn't need the insurance payoff
or the inheritance.
Copy !req
772. - What about the mother?
- Covered. She was in Aspen.
Copy !req
773. Vivian, get me some plum sauce.
Copy !req
774. Ten people saw her downing
cosmopolitans at the Caribou Club.
Copy !req
775. - All I know is that it's not Brooke.
- That's touching. But we need an alibi.
Copy !req
776. I brought you some necessities.
Some Calvin Klein 720-count sheets,
Copy !req
777. the entire Clinique skincare line,
Copy !req
778. some aromatherapy candles, a loofah...
Copy !req
779. And... the bible.
Copy !req
780. You're an angel.
Copy !req
781. So how are you? Are you all right?
Copy !req
782. You look so... orange.
Copy !req
783. I'm just glad that it's you
and not Callahan.
Copy !req
784. He means well. He's very brilliant.
Copy !req
785. He better be,
for what I'm paying for him.
Copy !req
786. I have to tell you
the real reason I came here.
Copy !req
787. Professor Callahan says
we really, really need your alibi.
Copy !req
788. Elle, I can't.
Copy !req
789. - I mean, you don't understand.
- Who could understand better than me?
Copy !req
790. It's so shameful.
Copy !req
791. Whatever it is, Brooke,
it could save you.
Copy !req
792. No, that's just it.
It would ruin me.
Copy !req
793. How?
Copy !req
794. I've made my fortune on the ability
to perfect women's bodies
Copy !req
795. with Brooke's butt-buster workout.
Copy !req
796. - You helped me go from a six to a four.
- That's great'.
Copy !req
797. On the day of Heyworth's murder...
Copy !req
798. What?
Copy !req
799. I was getting...
Copy !req
800. - Huh?
- Liposuction'.
Copy !req
801. Oh, God'.
Copy !req
802. - No'.
- I know'. I'm a fraud'.
Copy !req
803. But it's not like normal women
can have this ass'.
Copy !req
804. If my fans knew that I bought it,
I would lose everything.
Copy !req
805. I've already lost my husband.
Copy !req
806. I'd rather go to jail
than lose my reputation.
Copy !req
807. Brooke...
Copy !req
808. your secret's safe with me.
Copy !req
809. Thank you.
Copy !req
810. Vivian, grab me some coffee.
Copy !req
811. We got two interviews tomorrow that
Gerard and Bobby are gonna handle,
Copy !req
812. and the ex-wife in an hour.
Copy !req
813. According to this communiqué
from the prison,
Copy !req
814. our client apparently
had a visit from her sister.
Copy !req
815. A Miss Delta Nu.
Copy !req
816. - Anyone you know?
- Yes. I went to visit her.
Copy !req
817. What the hell do you mean,
you "went to visit her"?
Copy !req
818. I went to get her alibi.
Copy !req
819. - Did you get it?
- Mm-hmm. It's really good.
Copy !req
820. Well, great. What is it?
Copy !req
821. - Oh, I can't tell you.
- Why the hell not?
Copy !req
822. Because I promised her
I'd keep it a secret.
Copy !req
823. And I can't break
the bonds of sisterhood.
Copy !req
824. Screw sisterhood'.
Copy !req
825. This is a murder trial,
not some scandal at the sorority house.
Copy !req
826. I want the alibi.
Copy !req
827. I can't give it to you.
But I can tell you she is innocent.
Copy !req
828. Mr. Callahan, Mrs. Windham
Vandermark is on line two for you.
Copy !req
829. Someone reason with her
while I take this.
Copy !req
830. Are you crazy?
Just tell him the alibi.
Copy !req
831. - No'.
- We'll lose the case if you don't.
Copy !req
832. Then we're not very good lawyers.
Copy !req
833. If you tell him, he'll probably
hire you as a summer associate.
Copy !req
834. Who cares about Brooke?
Think about yourself.
Copy !req
835. - I gave her my word, Warner.
- So what?
Copy !req
836. The ex-wife seems to be unconcerned
Copy !req
837. with the fact that
her interview is today.
Copy !req
838. - She's at a spa in the Berkshires.
- A spa.
Copy !req
839. Isn't that kind of like
your mother ship?
Copy !req
840. I could go if you want me to.
Copy !req
841. - Emmett.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
842. - Go with her.
- OK.
Copy !req
843. - She seems completely untrustworthy.
- Why?
Copy !req
844. This is a person who's made her
living by telling women they're too fat.
Copy !req
845. Brooke would never
tell a woman that she was too fat.
Copy !req
846. And she seems to me
like she's hiding something.
Copy !req
847. - Maybe it's not what you think.
- Maybe it's exactly what I think.
Copy !req
848. You know,
you're really being a butthead.
Copy !req
849. A butthead?
Why would you call me that?
Copy !req
850. You just need to have a little more
faith in people. You might be surprised.
Copy !req
851. I can't believe you just
called me a butthead.
Copy !req
852. No one's called me that
since about the ninth grade.
Copy !req
853. Maybe not to your face.
Copy !req
854. So this is what a spa looks like.
Wow. How do we find her?
Copy !req
855. - I called ahead. She's in the mud room.
- She's not... naked, is she?
Copy !req
856. Mrs. Windham Vandermark?
Copy !req
857. So, you found me.
Copy !req
858. Yes. We're from Austen,
Platt, Jaret & Callahan.
Copy !req
859. We're here to ask you a few questions.
Copy !req
860. So, I hear that that little tart
from California shot poor Heyworth.
Copy !req
861. Well, that's what we're trying
to prove didn't happen.
Copy !req
862. Do you have any reason
to believe that it did?
Copy !req
863. Well, I've never actually met the woman.
Copy !req
864. But my daughter tells me
she can be quite the little bitch.
Copy !req
865. Now, did your daughter
ever mention anything to you
Copy !req
866. about the relationship
between Brooke and Heyworth?
Copy !req
867. Well, she did say that
they humped like gorillas.
Copy !req
868. I guess it wasn't enough,
though, for Brooke.
Copy !req
869. - Why do you say that?
- Well...
Copy !req
870. Haven't you seen the cabana boy?
Copy !req
871. - She's lying.
- And you know this for a fact?
Copy !req
872. Did you see the icky brown
color of her hair?
Copy !req
873. So? Now you discriminate
against brunettes?
Copy !req
874. Why shouldn't I?
I'm discriminated against as a blonde.
Copy !req
875. You know, being a blonde
is actually a pretty powerful thing.
Copy !req
876. You hold more cards
than you think you do.
Copy !req
877. I personally would like
to see you take that power
Copy !req
878. and channel it
towards the greater good.
Copy !req
879. - Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow.
- All right.
Copy !req
880. - Hey.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
881. How do you think I'd look as a blond?
Copy !req
882. Hmm... I'm not sure you could handle it.
Copy !req
883. - Bye.
- Bye.
Copy !req
884. So I called
your room last night.
Copy !req
885. I heard.
Copy !req
886. I was thinking maybe
we could go out sometime.
Copy !req
887. No. You're a dork.
Copy !req
888. I'm in... law school.
Copy !req
889. Look, I'm not gonna go out with you.
Copy !req
890. I can't believe you'd even ask.
Copy !req
891. Girls like me don't go out
with losers like you.
Copy !req
892. Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
893. Excuse me.
Copy !req
894. - Why didn't you call me?
- What?
Copy !req
895. We spent a beautiful night together,
and I never hear from you again?
Copy !req
896. I...
Copy !req
897. I'm sorry?
Copy !req
898. Sorry for what? For breaking my heart?
Copy !req
899. Or for giving me the greatest
pleasure I've ever known
Copy !req
900. and then just taking it away?
Copy !req
901. Both?
Copy !req
902. Well, forget it. I've already spent
too many hours crying over you.
Copy !req
903. So... when did you wanna go out?
Copy !req
904. Come in.
Copy !req
905. Are you done with that deposition yet?
Copy !req
906. Oh, yeah. Here, take it.
I've read it, like, 20 times.
Copy !req
907. OK.
Copy !req
908. You know, Elle...
Copy !req
909. I still can't believe you
didn't tell Callahan the alibi.
Copy !req
910. It's not my alibi to tell.
Copy !req
911. I know. And I thought
that was very...
Copy !req
912. classy of you.
Copy !req
913. - Really?
- Sure.
Copy !req
914. Thanks.
Copy !req
915. Did you ever notice how Callahan never
asks Warner to bring him his coffee?
Copy !req
916. I mean, he's asked me
at least ten times.
Copy !req
917. Well, men are helpless. You know that.
Copy !req
918. I know.
Warner doesn't do his own laundry.
Copy !req
919. - I know. He has to have it sent out.
- I know.
Copy !req
920. Did you know, when he first applied...
Copy !req
921. - ... he got waitlisted?
- What?
Copy !req
922. His father had to make a call.
Copy !req
923. - You're kidding.
- Mm-mm'.
Copy !req
924. No way'.
Copy !req
925. Oh, God.
That is such a precious dog. Hi.
Copy !req
926. His name is Bruiser.
Do you wanna hold him?
Copy !req
927. - He's very friendly.
- Sure.
Copy !req
928. Look, he likes you.
Copy !req
929. Oh, he's giving me kisses.
Copy !req
930. Thanks, Jeff.
Copy !req
931. We're here today covering
the trial of Brooke Windham.
Copy !req
932. You may remember, she's charged
with the murder of her husband,
Copy !req
933. Boston millionaire Heyworth Windham.
Copy !req
934. First to testify are the victim's
daughter and ex-wife.
Copy !req
935. Superior Court
of Suffolk County is now in session.
Copy !req
936. The Honorable Judge
Marina R. Bickford presiding.
Copy !req
937. You may be seated.
Copy !req
938. And where was she exactly?
Copy !req
939. Standing over my father's dead body.
Copy !req
940. And what was the defendant doing?
Copy !req
941. She was sitting
next to the pool, topless...
Copy !req
942. while the Latin boy
handed her a drink.
Copy !req
943. Mr. Salvatore,
can you tell us what this is?
Copy !req
944. My uniform.
Copy !req
945. This is the uniform
Copy !req
946. that Mrs. Windham asked you
to wear while cleaning her pool?
Copy !req
947. Yes.
Copy !req
948. And are you, or are you not,
having an affair with Brooke Windham?
Copy !req
949. Define "affair."
Copy !req
950. Have you and Mrs. Windham
had sexual relations?
Copy !req
951. Yes. OK? Yes.
Copy !req
952. Ladies and gentlemen, court will
reconvene tomorrow morning at 9am.
Copy !req
953. We're adjourned.
Copy !req
954. You know a Delta Nu
would never sleep with a man
Copy !req
955. - who wears a thong.
- Never'.
Copy !req
956. I just liked watching him
clean the filter.
Copy !req
957. I know. I believe you, Brooke.
Copy !req
958. - Take care of me, Elle.
- I will.
Copy !req
959. I got a big one for you.
Copy !req
960. Can you sign?
Copy !req
961. I got it.
Copy !req
962. - You broke his nose?
- Oh, I blew it, Elle.
Copy !req
963. My snap was all over the place.
Copy !req
964. I'll be there when court is out.
We have to cross-examine Enrique.
Copy !req
965. But my girlfriend, Serena,
once barfed on a guy
Copy !req
966. during The Blair Witch Project, and
they ended up dating for three months.
Copy !req
967. - Really? All right. Bye-bye.
- OK, bye.
Copy !req
968. Don't stomp your little
last-season Prada shoes at me, honey.
Copy !req
969. They're not last season.
Copy !req
970. Emmett.
Copy !req
971. He's gay. Enrique is gay.
Copy !req
972. What?
Copy !req
973. Warner, what kind of shoes are these?
Copy !req
974. - Black ones.
- See?
Copy !req
975. - What are you talking about?
- He's gay. He isn't Brooke's lover.
Copy !req
976. - He's making it up.
- Wait. Back up.
Copy !req
977. - How do you know that he's gay?
- Gay men know designers.
Copy !req
978. - Straight men don't.
- You know what?
Copy !req
979. He did leave a Cher tape
in the pool house one time.
Copy !req
980. While I appreciate
your masterful legal theory,
Copy !req
981. I have a murder trial to attend to.
Copy !req
982. - Emmett.
- OK.
Copy !req
983. - I'll take care of it. Thanks.
- OK.
Copy !req
984. Court will come to order.
Copy !req
985. Mr. Salvatore, do you have any proof
Copy !req
986. that you and Mrs. Windham
were having an affair?
Copy !req
987. Only the love in my heart.
Copy !req
988. Well, if that's all the proof that he
has, Your Honor, I think I'm done here.
Copy !req
989. - You may step down.
- I'd like to ask a couple of questions.
Copy !req
990. Just give me a couple of minutes.
Copy !req
991. Did you ever take
Mrs. Windham on a date?
Copy !req
992. - Yes.
- Where?
Copy !req
993. A restaurant in Concord,
where no one could recognize us.
Copy !req
994. How long have you been
sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
Copy !req
995. - Three months.
- And your boyfriend's name is?
Copy !req
996. - Chuck.
- Right.
Copy !req
997. Silence'. Silence'.
Copy !req
998. - Pardon... Pardon me.
- Yes, Mr. Salvatore?
Copy !req
999. I was confused.
Copy !req
1000. I thought you said "friend."
Chuck is just a friend.
Copy !req
1001. - Oh, OK.
- You bitch'.
Copy !req
1002. Chuck, wait'.
Copy !req
1003. Silence in my court.
Sit down, Mr. Salvatore.
Copy !req
1004. Silence in my courtroom'.
Copy !req
1005. How did I miss that?
Copy !req
1006. Silence in my courtroom.
Copy !req
1007. - Thanks.
- Wow.
Copy !req
1008. - Good night.
- Good night.
Copy !req
1009. Oh, Elle. Callahan asked
to see you before you leave.
Copy !req
1010. - Really?
- Yeah, you know, he has his coffee,
Copy !req
1011. but maybe he needs a donut.
Copy !req
1012. - Do you need help?
- No, I'm fine.
Copy !req
1013. OK. Bye.
Copy !req
1014. Come on in.
Copy !req
1015. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
1016. - Sit down.
- OK.
Copy !req
1017. Is everything all right?
Copy !req
1018. You followed your intuition today,
and you were right on target.
Copy !req
1019. - I should have listened.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
1020. - About the alibi.
- I'm sorry...
Copy !req
1021. I'm impressed that you took
the initiative to go there and get it.
Copy !req
1022. That's what makes a good lawyer.
Copy !req
1023. On top of that, you gained
the client's trust and kept it.
Copy !req
1024. That's what makes a great lawyer.
Copy !req
1025. You're smart, Elle.
Copy !req
1026. Smarter than most
of the guys on my payroll.
Copy !req
1027. Wow.
Copy !req
1028. I think it's time
to discuss your career path.
Copy !req
1029. Have you thought about
where you might be a summer associate?
Copy !req
1030. Oh... not really.
I know it's very competitive.
Copy !req
1031. Well, you know what
competition's really about, don't you?
Copy !req
1032. It's about ferocity. Carnage.
Copy !req
1033. Balancing human intelligence
with animal diligence.
Copy !req
1034. Knowing exactly what you want...
Copy !req
1035. and how far you'll go to get it.
Copy !req
1036. How far will Elle go?
Copy !req
1037. - Are you hitting on me?
- You're a beautiful girl.
Copy !req
1038. - So everything you just said...
- I'm a man who knows what he wants.
Copy !req
1039. And I'm a law student who just realized
her professor is a pathetic asshole.
Copy !req
1040. Too bad. I thought you were
a law student who wanted to be a lawyer.
Copy !req
1041. - You almost had me fooled.
- What?
Copy !req
1042. Maybe you should sleep
with the jury too.
Copy !req
1043. Then we can win the case.
Copy !req
1044. - Hey.
- I'm quitting.
Copy !req
1045. - Why?
- Law school was a mistake.
Copy !req
1046. This whole internship was a mistake'.
Copy !req
1047. What are you talking about?
You earned it.
Copy !req
1048. I didn't earn anything, Emmett.
Copy !req
1049. Callahan only gave me that internship
because he liked the way I looked.
Copy !req
1050. Which he made clear tonight
when he tried to feel me up.
Copy !req
1051. Callahan did what?
Copy !req
1052. Just forget it.
I'm going back to LA.
Copy !req
1053. No more boring suits,
no more pantyhose.
Copy !req
1054. No more trying
to be something that I'm just...
Copy !req
1055. I'm just not.
Copy !req
1056. What if you're trying
to be somebody you are?
Copy !req
1057. I mean, the hell with Callahan.
Copy !req
1058. Stay.
Copy !req
1059. Call me if you're
ever in California, OK?
Copy !req
1060. What's the point
in staying, Paulette? I mean...
Copy !req
1061. All people see when they look at me
is blonde hair and big boobs.
Copy !req
1062. No one's ever gonna take me seriously.
Copy !req
1063. People at law school don't.
And Warner doesn't.
Copy !req
1064. I don't even think
my own parents take me seriously.
Copy !req
1065. It just felt like, for the first time,
that someone expected me to...
Copy !req
1066. to do something more with my life
Copy !req
1067. than just become
a Victoria's Secret model.
Copy !req
1068. But I was just kidding myself.
Copy !req
1069. Callahan never saw me as a lawyer,
he just saw me as a piece of ass.
Copy !req
1070. Just like everybody else.
Copy !req
1071. Turns out I am a joke.
Copy !req
1072. No, you're not a joke.
Copy !req
1073. The hell with law school.
I just wanted to say goodbye.
Copy !req
1074. If you're going to let
one stupid prick ruin your life...
Copy !req
1075. you're not the girl
I thought you were.
Copy !req
1076. Did you go in there knowing how
Copy !req
1077. you were going
to discredit Mr. Salvatore?
Copy !req
1078. Absolutely. It's a little thing
I like to call "strategy."
Copy !req
1079. You know, I had a feeling...
Copy !req
1080. Is he always such an ass?
Copy !req
1081. He's the top defense attorney
in the state.
Copy !req
1082. Of course he's an ass.
Copy !req
1083. Fine, but is he an ass
that's gonna win my case?
Copy !req
1084. Well, he's an ass that's gonna try.
Copy !req
1085. - He thinks I'm guilty, doesn't he?
- That's not what's important.
Copy !req
1086. If he doesn't trust me,
why should I trust him?
Copy !req
1087. Ask Elle. She looked pretty cozy
with him last night.
Copy !req
1088. No. You don't even know what
the hell you're talking about.
Copy !req
1089. What's going on here?
Copy !req
1090. - Elle quit.
- What?
Copy !req
1091. Yeah. Callahan hit on her, so she quit.
Copy !req
1092. Oh, my God. Scumbag.
Copy !req
1093. - Oh, God.
- What?
Copy !req
1094. I feel terrible. I made a huge mistake.
Copy !req
1095. Well, maybe there's something
we can do about it.
Copy !req
1096. Thank you.
Copy !req
1097. What are you so happy about?
You're on trial for murder.
Copy !req
1098. Get up.
Copy !req
1099. - What?
- You're fired.
Copy !req
1100. I have new representation.
Copy !req
1101. Who?
Copy !req
1102. - Excuse you. You're in my way.
- She's a student. She can't defend you.
Copy !req
1103. Massachusetts Supreme
Judicial Court Ruling 3.03.
Copy !req
1104. See?
Copy !req
1105. - Thank you, David.
- Counselors, approach the bench.
Copy !req
1106. - You're not going up there.
- Oh, yes, I am.
Copy !req
1107. I'm sorry. Maybe you
didn't hear me. You're fired.
Copy !req
1108. Counselors, now'. All of you.
Copy !req
1109. Elle Woods, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1110. Rule 3.03 of Supreme Judicial Court
states that a law student
Copy !req
1111. may appear on behalf
of a defendant in criminal proceedings
Copy !req
1112. Your Honor,
I have no problem with this.
Copy !req
1113. - I do. I'm not allowing it.
- But you agreed last night.
Copy !req
1114. In your office,
when we were discussing my career?
Copy !req
1115. The ruling also states that you need
a licensed attorney to supervise you.
Copy !req
1116. - Mr. Callahan?
- That I won't agree to.
Copy !req
1117. I'll supervise, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1118. Well, then, Ms. Woods, proceed.
Copy !req
1119. Thank you, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1120. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
1121. Enjoy prison.
Copy !req
1122. Mrs. Windham,
you do realize what you're doing?
Copy !req
1123. Absolutely.
Copy !req
1124. - Oh, my God. There she is. Elle'.
- Elle, we came to see your trial.
Copy !req
1125. Oh, look, how cute'. There's, like,
a judge and everything. And jury people.
Copy !req
1126. - Vote for Elle'.
- Ladies, take a seat.
Copy !req
1127. Go, girl.
Copy !req
1128. Do you swear to tell the whole truth and
nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Copy !req
1129. - I do.
- Be seated.
Copy !req
1130. Ms. Woods, you may
begin your questioning.
Copy !req
1131. First of all, I would like
to point out that,
Copy !req
1132. not only is there
no proof in this case,
Copy !req
1133. but there's a complete
lack of mens rea,
Copy !req
1134. which, by definition,
tells us that there can be no crime
Copy !req
1135. without a... vicious will.
Copy !req
1136. I am aware of the meaning of mens rea.
Copy !req
1137. What I'm unaware of is why
you're giving me a vocabulary lesson
Copy !req
1138. when you should be
questioning your witness.
Copy !req
1139. Yes, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1140. Ms. Windham...
Copy !req
1141. When you arrived back at the house...
Copy !req
1142. was your father there?
Copy !req
1143. Not that I saw. But like I said,
Copy !req
1144. I went straight upstairs
to take a shower.
Copy !req
1145. And... when you came downstairs,
what happened?
Copy !req
1146. I saw Brooke standing over his body...
Copy !req
1147. drenched in his blood.
Copy !req
1148. - But Mrs. Windham didn't have a gun?
- No, she'd stashed it by then.
Copy !req
1149. Move to strike that
from the record, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1150. - It's speculation.
- So stricken.
Copy !req
1151. Go ahead.
Copy !req
1152. Ms. Windham, did you hear a shot fired?
Copy !req
1153. No. I was in the shower.
Copy !req
1154. OK.
Copy !req
1155. So... sometime in the 20 minutes
Copy !req
1156. that you were in the shower...
Copy !req
1157. your father was shot?
Copy !req
1158. I guess.
Copy !req
1159. Your father was shot
while you were in the shower...
Copy !req
1160. but you didn't
hear the shot because...
Copy !req
1161. because you were in the shower?
Copy !req
1162. Yes. I was washing my hair.
Copy !req
1163. - Where is she going with this?
- Have a little faith, Gerard.
Copy !req
1164. Ms. Windham,
what had you done earlier that day?
Copy !req
1165. I got up, got a latte,
Copy !req
1166. went to the gym,
got a perm and came home.
Copy !req
1167. Where you got in the shower?
Copy !req
1168. I believe the witness has made it
clear that she was "in the shower."
Copy !req
1169. Yes, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1170. Ms. Windham,
had you ever gotten a perm before?
Copy !req
1171. - Yes.
- How many, would you say?
Copy !req
1172. Two a year since I was 12.
Copy !req
1173. You do the math.
Copy !req
1174. You know, a girl in my sorority,
Tracy Marcinko, got a perm once.
Copy !req
1175. We all tried to talk her out of it.
Curls weren't a good look for her.
Copy !req
1176. She didn't have your bone structure.
Copy !req
1177. Aww.
Copy !req
1178. But thankfully, that same day,
Copy !req
1179. she entered the Beta Delta Pi
wet T-shirt contest,
Copy !req
1180. where she was completely
hosed down from head to toe.
Copy !req
1181. Objection'. Why is this relevant?
Copy !req
1182. - I have a point. I promise.
- Then make it.
Copy !req
1183. Yes, ma'am.
Copy !req
1184. Chutney, why were Tracy Marcinko's
curls ruined when she got hosed down?
Copy !req
1185. - Because they got wet.
- Exactly.
Copy !req
1186. Because isn't it the first cardinal
rule of perm maintenance
Copy !req
1187. that you're forbidden
to wet your hair for at least 24 hours
Copy !req
1188. after getting a perm
at the risk of deactivating
Copy !req
1189. - the ammonium thioglycolate?
- Yes...
Copy !req
1190. And wouldn't somebody who's had,
say 30 perms before in their life
Copy !req
1191. be well aware of this rule?
Copy !req
1192. And if you weren't washing your hair,
as I suspect you weren't,
Copy !req
1193. because your curls are still intact,
wouldn't you have heard the gunshot?
Copy !req
1194. And if, in fact, you had heard the
gunshot, Brooke Windham
Copy !req
1195. wouldn't have had time to hide
the gun before you got downstairs,
Copy !req
1196. which would mean that you would've
had to have found Mrs. Windham
Copy !req
1197. with a gun in her hand to make
your story plausible. Isn't that right?
Copy !req
1198. She's my age, did she tell you that?
Copy !req
1199. How would you feel if your father
married someone your age?
Copy !req
1200. You, however, had time to hide the gun,
didn't you, Chutney?
Copy !req
1201. - After you shot your father.
- I didn't mean to shoot him'.
Copy !req
1202. I thought it was you
walking through the door!
Copy !req
1203. Order! Order! Order.
Copy !req
1204. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1205. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1206. Bailiff, take the witness into custody,
Copy !req
1207. where she will be charged
for the murder of Heyworth Windham.
Copy !req
1208. In the matter of
The State v. Brooke Windham,
Copy !req
1209. this case is dismissed.
Copy !req
1210. Mrs. Windham, you are free to go.
Copy !req
1211. Yes!
Copy !req
1212. - How did you know Chutney was lying?
- Because she's brilliant, of course.
Copy !req
1213. The rules of hair care
are simple and finite.
Copy !req
1214. Any Cosmo girl would've known.
Copy !req
1215. Elle! Elle. Elle. Elle.
Copy !req
1216. What?
Copy !req
1217. I just wanted to say that you were...
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1218. so brilliant in there.
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1219. And that... I was wrong.
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1220. And... you are the girl for me.
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1221. - Really?
- Yes.
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1222. Pooh Bear...
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1223. I love you.
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1224. Oh, Warner.
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1225. I've waited so long
to hear you say that.
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1226. But if I'm gonna be a partner in
a law firm by the time I'm 30,
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1227. I need a boyfriend who's
not such a complete bonehead.
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1228. Thank you, boys.
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1229. Ladies and gentlemen,
I present the graduates
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1230. of Harvard Law School. Class of 2004.
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1231. I am personally very honored
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1232. to introduce this year's
class-elected speaker.
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1233. After getting off to a quite
interesting start here at Harvard,
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1234. she graduates today
with an invitation to join
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1235. one of Boston's
most prestigious law firms.
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1236. I am sure we are going
to see great things from her.
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1237. Ladies and gentlemen, Elle Woods.
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1238. On our very first day at Harvard,
a very wise professor quoted Aristotle.
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1239. "The law is reason free from passion."
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1240. Well, no offense to Aristotle,
but in my three years at Harvard,
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1241. I have come to find
that passion is a key ingredient
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1242. to the study and practice
of law... and of life.
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1243. It is with passion, courage of
conviction, and strong sense of self
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1244. that we take our next
steps into the world,
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1245. remembering that first
impressions are not always correct.
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1246. You must always have faith in people...
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1247. and most importantly...
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1248. you must always
have faith in yourself.
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1249. Congratulations, class of 2004.
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1250. We did it!
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