Lady Bird (2017)

1. Do you think I look like I'm from Sacramento?

2. You are from Sacramento.

3. You don't have to do that.

4. Well, it's nice to make things neat and clean.

5. - You ready to go home? - Ready.

6. Her hand moved behind his head and supported it.

7. Her fingers moved gently in his hair.

8. She looked up and across the barn,

9. and her lips came together and smiled mysteriously.

10. You've been listening to...

11. The Grapes of Wrath,

12. by John Steinbeck. If you...

13. Our college trip took 21 hours and five minutes.

14. Hey, wait. Let's just sit with what we heard.

15. - Are you serious? - Well, we don't have to constantly

16. be entertaining ourselves, do we?

17. I wish I could live through something.

18. - Aren't you? - Nope.

19. The only exciting thing about 2002 is that it's a palindrome.

20. Okay, fine. Well, yours is the worst life of all, so you win.

21. - Oh, so now you're mad... - No, it's just...

22. - because I wanted to listen to music? - You're being ridiculous,

23. - because you have a great life. - I'm sorry I'm not perfect.

24. No one's asking you to be perfect. Just considerate would do.

25. I don't even want to go to school in this state anyway.

26. I hate California. I want to go to the East Coast.

27. Your dad and I will barely be able to afford in-state tuition.

28. - There are loans, scholarships. - Your very smart brother...

29. - he can't even find a job. - He and Shelly work. They have jobs.

30. They bag at the grocery store. That is not a career.

31. And they went to Berkeley.

32. Your father's company is laying off people right and left.

33. Did you even know that? No, of course you don't,

34. because you don't think about anybody but yourself.

35. And Immaculate Heart is already a luxury.

36. Immaculate Fart. You wanted that, not me.

37. Miguel saw someone knifed in front of him at Sac High.

38. Is that what you want? So, you're telling me

39. that you want to see somebody knifed right in front of you?

40. He barely saw that. I wanna go where culture is,

41. - like New York, or at least Connecticut... - How in the world

42. did I raise such a snob?

43. or New Hampshire, where writers live in the woods.

44. You couldn't get into those schools, anyway.

45. - Mom! - You can't even pass your driver's test.

46. Because you wouldn't let me practice enough!

47. The way that you work... or the way that you don't work...

48. you're not even worth state tuition, Christine.

49. - My name is Lady Bird. - Well, actually, it's not,

50. - and it's ridiculous... - Call me Lady Bird,

51. - because your name is Christine. - Like you said you would.

52. You should just go to city college. You know, with your work ethic,

53. just go to city college, and then to jail, and then back to city college,

54. and then maybe you'd learn to pull yourself up and not expect everybody to...

55. In the name of the Father,

56. and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

57. Amen.

58. - Let the Lord be with you. - And also with you.

59. I want to welcome all of you back to the start of the new school year,

60. all the Xavier boys and Immaculate Heart girls.

61. Hail Mary, full of grace.

62. The Lord is with thee.

63. Blessed art thou amongst women...

64. Glory to you, O Lord.

65. I pledge allegiance to the Flag

66. of the United States of America,

67. and to the Republic for which it stands,

68. one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

69. A vote for Amanda is a vote for boys, boys and healthy vending machines,

70. because no one wants a muffin with that many calories.

71. Whoo!

72. Do not ask me, "Mr. Bruno, is this gonna be on the finals,"

73. or, "Mr. Bruno, is this gonna be on the midterm?"

74. Because I'm not gonna tell you. That is none of your business.

75. Those aren't the rules. This is my house.

76. "A reading from a letter of St. John."

77. We're afraid that we will never escape our past,

78. and we're afraid of what the future will bring.

79. We're afraid that we will not get into the college of our choice.

80. We're afraid we won't be loved,

81. we won't be liked, we won't succeed.

82. Here are the classics... St. Augustine, of course,

83. Aquinas, my favorite, Kierkegaard...

84. Oh, wait until you hear his love story.

85. It will make you swoon.

86. And the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

87. For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and forever.

88. Amen.

89. Some of the students were disturbed by your posters.

90. It's just a bird head on a lady body, or vice versa.

91. I think it's a little upsetting.

92. It's my tradition to run for office.

93. Don't worry. I won't win.

94. That's not what I'm worried about.

95. This won't mess with my scholarship, will it?

96. No. You're okay there.

97. You have a performative streak, I think.

98. Yeah, I think that too.

99. Maybe you would enjoy theater arts.

100. They're having auditions for the fall musical.

101. Do we have that here?

102. It's a collaborative effort with the men at Xavier.

103. How am I a senior and not know we have that?

104. Perhaps you haven't always been an active part of this community.

105. They do a fall musical and a spring play, and from what I hear, it's a real blast.

106. What I'd really like is to be on Math Olympiad.

107. But math isn't something you're terribly strong in.

108. That we know of yet.

109. - There you go. - Thanks.

110. "Julie" doesn't need to be in quotes.

111. - But it's not my real name. - It's not the same thing.

112. I'm not sure you're right.

113. I love this neighborhood.

114. Yeah, it's so beautiful.

115. If I lived here, I would definitely have my wedding

116. in the backyard.

117. I'd have friends over all the time to study and eat snacks.

118. I'd be like, "Mom, we're taking the snacks upstairs to the TV room."

119. I'd have my own bathroom.

120. I can't stop you dicks from hanging out here,

121. but quit wrinkling all the magazines!

122. When I'm in this store, I'm not your sister.

123. I'm a customer, Miguel. I'm always right.

124. Ever since she moved in, your brother and Shelly are becoming the same person.

125. No way.

126. Yeah, okay. Maybe.

127. See, why don't I look like that?

128. Yeah. Just once, I'd like to have the song "New York Groove" playing

129. and feel like it really applies to my life.

130. You've never even been to New York.

131. That's why I'm applying to New York colleges.

132. Do you know if Sarah Lawrence is actually in the city?

133. - Your parents would pay for that? - Scholarships, financial aid...

134. I'll figure it out. My mom thinks I can't get in, but she is sorely mistaken.

135. - What about terrorism? - Don't be a Republican.

136. Probably just gonna go to city college.

137. Put the magazine back!

138. Shit!

139. - You doing okay, mama? - Oh, yeah, that was terrifying, wasn't it?

140. Thank God you were there. So I guess we can't have pencils anymore.

141. Yeah, just gotta go back to quill tipped markers. Crayola.

142. Right. Thank you. It's for you. I got it for the baby.

143. - I couldn't resist it. - She loves pink.

144. It's more for you and Andrea than it is for the baby.

145. I'm sorry I didn't have time to wrap it.

146. - No, it's perfect. - Okay. Good.

147. I'll see you tomorrow. Or, I mean, later.

148. - Thank you. - Okay.

149. Did you know toothpaste is basically ineffective.

150. - It's like sucking on a mint. - Mike Kelly died.

151. I didn't even know he was sick again.

152. How old was he?

153. Only 56.

154. - Can Shelly and I get in there? - In a minute, honey.

155. - Dad and I are still in here. - That's too young.

156. - Lady Bird, you better be dressed. - I am dressed.

157. Yeah. I'm gonna send them a note.

158. Do you think that Shelly and Miguel have sex on the pullout couch?

159. Oh, yeah.

160. - Why can't I just make the eggs? - Because you take too long,

161. you make a big mess, and I have to clean the whole thing up.

162. Eggs aren't good for the environment anyways.

163. - What? - You heard her.

164. Eat quickly, please.

165. Look at all these pictures. Every newspaper looks like USA Today.

166. Shelly and I are trying to be vegan, hence the soy milk.

167. You wear leather jackets.

168. But they're vintage, so they don't support the industry.

169. They aren't done. There's white stuff.

170. You know how much you love Brambles?

171. Pigs are smarter than him even.

172. I never thought Brambles was a genius, okay?

173. - Mom, the eggs are not done. - Fine. Make your own fucking eggs.

174. I wanted to. You won't let me.

175. - Your sister doesn't like me. - I'm hungry!

176. - She does. - You had your chance. Going to bed.

177. Did you know that Alanis Morissette

178. wrote this song in only ten minutes?

179. I believe it.

180. So, I'm applying to a couple East Coast schools.

181. I need you to help me with the financial aid applications, but Mom can't know.

182. We... Aren't they quite expensive?

183. First, yes. That's why financial aid.

184. Second, I have to get in first.

185. Mom won't be happy about it.

186. Which is why I don't want to fight about it before I have to.

187. - Just pull over here. - Are you sure?

188. - I can drive you to the front. - No. This is fine. I like to walk.

189. Well, I love you.

190. So, what do you think about college?

191. - See what I can do. - Thanks, Dad.

192. I love you too. Have a good day at work.

193. Hey, I'm like Keith Richards. I'm just happy to be anywhere.

194. Hey, bitch.

195. - Hey. - All right, girls.

196. - Hope you like pickles. - Thanks, Uncle Matt.

197. - Sweet. - He's not your uncle.

198. Just something I'm trying out. Bye, Mom.

199. - Bye. - Love you.

200. Bye. I love you.

201. - Your mom really likes you. - Yeah.

202. - I just keep getting fatter. - Me too.

203. - Matt's awesome. - Yeah.

204. I hope he marries my mom. That would be so nice.

205. He promised me his old car when I turn 18.

206. Ugh! That car should be illegal.

207. Jenna Walton's not doing any off-roading.

208. She just goes to Pavilions.

209. I heard Jenna Walton has a tanning bed in her house.

210. She is so pretty.

211. Her skin is luminous.

212. Maybe we should try tanning.

213. Yeah.

214. in the tub...

215. I scoot myself under, just like now, like this,

216. and then the water just... whoop.

217. Schwoop.

218. Ooh, you're so gross!

219. I think I figured it out when I was, like, three or something.

220. I take the showerhead...

221. Oh, my God...

222. Embarrassing, I use that.

223. I don't know if mine is the right kind though.

224. Maybe it's different when you actually have a penis in there.

225. Like, it's more intense.

226. Mine was pretty intense, I think.

227. You're not supposed to eat the wafers.

228. They're not consecrated.

229. Being alive

230. Okay. Christine.

231. - Lady Bird. - Is that your given name?

232. - Yeah. - Why is it in quotes?

233. Well, I gave it to myself. It's given to me, by me.

234. Okay. Take it away, Lady Bird.

235. Everybody says don't, everybody says don't

236. Everybody says don't, it isn't right

237. Don't, it isn't nice

238. Everybody says don't, everybody says don't

239. Everybody says don't walk on the grass

240. Rolling along

241. Rolling along

242. Make me a channel of your peace

243. Where there is despair in life Let me bring hope

244. Where there is darkness, only light

245. And where there's sadness, ever joy

246. There are giants in the sky

247. There are big, tall, terrible giants in the sky

248. When you're way up high And you look below

249. At the world you left And the things you know

250. Little more than a glance Is enough to show you

251. Just how small you are

252. I see light on in your room. Go to bed.

253. - Congratulations. - You too. We both got in.

254. Everyone who auditioned got in.

255. The part I got was basically not getting in.

256. I don't even know how I got cast in my part.

257. Me neither. I was the one who had a dress and prepared a song.

258. - I know. - Now you're gonna be all romantic

259. with Danny on stage.

260. It's probably my only shot at that, you know?

261. - Do you have a pen? - Yeah.

262. - Mom. - We don't need to buy that.

263. It's only three dollars. I'm having a hard week.

264. Well, if you wanna read it, we can go down to the public library.

265. - I wanna read it in bed. - That's something that rich people do.

266. We're not rich people.

267. Stop.

268. Stop it. Stop it.

269. Listen, stop.

270. Hey.

271. Hi.

272. Come here often?

273. Excuse me?

274. I'm Lady Bird. We're gonna be in the musical together.

275. Oh, yeah. I remember you. You were wearing that dress.

276. Well, I just wanted to say, "What's up," and I'll see you in rehearsal.

277. Thanks. I'm super excited. You... You live in the neighborhood?

278. No. I'm from the wrong side of the tracks.

279. - Wh-What? - Is that your family?

280. Yeah.

281. Wow. There's so many of you.

282. Irish Catholic. It's hard to find a girl to date that's not my cousin.

283. Well, okay. You're gonna make a great Franklin.

284. Oh, thanks. I want my hair... or his hair... to be curly, though.

285. - Yeah. - Like, um...

286. Like Jim Morrison. Very '70s.

287. - Like Jim Morrison. Exactly. - Yeah.

288. - Danny! - Oh, I gotta go.

289. Bye.

290. Who is Jim Morrison again?

291. He was in a rock band, moron. The Doors.

292. - I knew that. - This is with your employee discount?

293. Yeah. It's already included.

294. Oh, my... Okay.

295. - Ma. - Ma.

296. - Mana. - Mana.

297. - Manala. - Manala.

298. Because it's not important to be right. It's only important to be...

299. - True. - Exactly!

300. Purple.

301. Two.

302. Two.

303. Two.

304. Yesterday is done

305. See the pretty countryside

306. To get our emotions going, we're going to play

307. first one to cry wins

308. Starting... now.

309. I'm playing too.

310. So is Miss Patty.

311. Oh...

312. I'm sorry.

313. I'm sorry.

314. I heard that before he became a priest, he was married,

315. and had a son named Etienne, who died at 17 of a drug overdose,

316. which maybe was a suicide.

317. But my mom says same difference, if you're that careless with your life.

318. Oh, that's her. Gotta go.

319. - Bye, guys. - Bye.

320. Oh, I almost forgot.

321. I brought you these hot rollers... for your Jim Morrison hair.

322. - Thank you so much. - You're welcome.

323. - You'll have to show me how to use them. - It would be my pleasure.

324. They look like sperms.

325. I ju... I just remembered, I had a dream about you.

326. - Really? - Yeah.

327. - What... What happened? - Um, we were...

328. we were flying to Disneyland on a giant carrot.

329. That's awesome.

330. - I love Disneyland. - Yeah. Me too.

331. - I think it's kind of scary, but... - Mm.

332. I also love it.

333. So, everybody clear on applying rules of exponents?

334. You guys with me? Don't leave me hanging.

335. Give me a nod. That's good. Maybe even a verbal confirmation.

336. Yes.

337. Aha! Thank you. That's what I like to hear.

338. All right. So I'm gonna be passing back your graded quizzes.

339. I urge you to find the problems where you went wrong and work them out.

340. Good job, Jules.

341. I can tell from your work you even understood the ones you missed.

342. Suck a dick.

343. I like "Jules."

344. I just don't get why I'm not good at math. My dad is really good in math.

345. Even Miguel has a math degree.

346. Maybe it's your mom's fault.

347. - You lose! Point Julie! - No. Look.

348. - Wish me luck. - Luck.

349. Hey, wanna dance?

350. Hell, yeah.

351. Six inches for the Holy Spirit.

352. That's us.

353. - Oh, uh, no. My mom's coming. - No, she's not.

354. - Yeah, she is. - The plan was to sleep over at my house.

355. No. It's fine.

356. Okay. Bye.

357. Bye.

358. Hey, Matt.

359. Have you ever been out of the country?

360. - When I was little. - Mm.

361. My... My dad had a job that took him to Brazil.

362. I remember from the pictures.

363. My dream to...

364. - Oh. Sorry. - No. No, you go.

365. I've never been out of the country.

366. It's, uh... It's my dream to go to Paris.

367. Ohh. Paris.

368. That's why I'm taking French.

369. My mom said French wasn't useful.

370. It is if you wanna go to Paris.

371. I still don't know how to use those rollers that you gave me.

372. Oh... Oh, it's so easy.

373. - Um, so, after they heat up... - Mm-hmm?

374. you... you take your hair

375. and you twist the hair like this, and...

376. Larry, how long will this hold us?

377. - I don't know. - Well, somebody's gotta know.

378. I'm not sure.

379. What happens if somebody gets in an accident?

380. Uh, the severance package expires all at once.

381. Not within the calendar year.

382. - Is she home? - Maybe just leave it tonight.

383. No, she knows better. She can't sneak around like this.

384. Marion.

385. - You can't leave your room like this. - I didn't.

386. None of these things were put away right.

387. - They aren't nice. Christine, now. - I put my clothes away.

388. - My name is Lady Bird. - Don't lie to me.

389. This uniform... This is gonna look like trash on Monday.

390. This isn't right. We can't treat our clothes like this.

391. I don't know what your wealthy friends do...

392. Why do you care what I do to my clothes?

393. Your father doesn't have a job.

394. He lost his job.

395. Do you need him to come in here and explain that to you?

396. Of course, he probably wouldn't anyway. He's Mr. Nice Guy,

397. - and I always have to be the bad guy. - Can we please just talk...

398. - It can't look like a rag, - ... about this tomorrow?

399. Because that makes us look like rags.

400. You wanna know the truth? Here's the truth.

401. Some of your friends' fathers could employ your father,

402. and they're not gonna do it if it looks like his family is trash.

403. You understand?

404. Didn't you ever go to sleep without putting all your clothes away perfectly?

405. Like even once?

406. And don't you wish your mom hadn't gotten angry?

407. My mother was an abusive alcoholic.

408. So, I understand you're not interested in any Catholic colleges.

409. No way.

410. Sorry. But yes, no way.

411. Then you'll be applying to UCs and state schools.

412. Yeah, but also those East Coast liberal arts schools like Yale,

413. but not Yale, because I probably couldn't get in.

414. You definitely couldn't get in.

415. Part of my job is to help you be realistic.

416. Yeah. It seems like everyone's job.

417. Your SAT scores are strangely very good.

418. I had placed some calls to local alumni of the schools you're interested in,

419. but unfortunately, all the interviews are taken.

420. So what does that mean?

421. It means you'll have to get in on how you look on paper.

422. Dreams don't die, so keep an eye on your dream

423. And before you know where you are, there you are

424. All right. Stop, stop, stop.

425. Should we go home?

426. My mom is always mad.

427. Doesn't matter if I get home late. She'll be mad at me anyway.

428. - Your mom's hard on you. - Yeah, well, she loves me a lot.

429. Pick a star for us.

430. That one. Right there.

431. Next to the bright one, and then the dim one. You see it?

432. Yeah.

433. That's our star.

434. You know...

435. you can touch my boobs, right?

436. I know. It's just that I respect you too much for that.

437. Cool. Awesome.

438. I totally get that. Thank you.

439. You're welcome.

440. If you had boobs, I wouldn't touch them either.

441. I respect you so much...

442. because I love you.

443. I love you too.

444. - Let's name our star Claude. - That's pretentious, don't you think?

445. It's French. What should we name it?

446. Bruce.

447. - I love you! - I love you.

448. Bruce.

449. It's normal to not touch a penis.

450. I have to go to class.

451. - But I have free period. - I need to pass history.

452. I think we're done with the learning portion of high school.

453. - I'm gonna go. - No.

454. - Mm-hmm. - I hate being alone.

455. Bye! Love you!

456. Did Danny say whether his grandmother has a formal Thanksgiving?

457. I don't know. There are a lot of kids, but she lives in the Fab 40s.

458. Oh, well, your dad and I went to a dinner party once in that neighborhood.

459. The CEO of ISC. That was pretty formal.

460. You're not going to a funeral.

461. Well, I don't know. What says "rich people Thanksgiving"?

462. I just think it's such a shame that you're spending your last Thanksgiving

463. with a family you've never met instead of us, but...

464. I know. I guess you want it that way.

465. - Are you tired? - No.

466. - Hey, Marion. - Hey, Joyce. Hey, how's the baby?

467. - She's crawling. - No! I wanna see a picture at checkout.

468. - Okay. - Okay.

469. - 'Cause if you're tired, we can sit down. - I'm not tired.

470. Oh, okay. I just couldn't tell because you were dragging your feet.

471. Well, I just couldn't tell.

472. Why didn't you just say, "Pick up your feet"?

473. I didn't know if you were tired.

474. - You were being passive-aggressive. - No, I wasn't.

475. - You are so infuriating. - Please stop yelling.

476. - I'm not yelling. Oh! Perfect! - Honey, do you love it?

477. So, because my grade book has... disappeared, here's what we're gonna do.

478. I'm gonna count on you to reconstruct it, okay?

479. Now, I know you all know your grades better than anybody.

480. I have a general idea, but this is all about the honor code right now.

481. Hi. A-minus.

482. Pretty sure it was an A.

483. I'm not, but okay.

484. It was. Trust me, I know talent when I see it.

485. You're welcome. Thank you.

486. Hey, I think B.

487. I thought it was more like B-minus, maybe even C-plus territory?

488. No, because I did really well on the last quiz.

489. Oh. I seem to remember you doing only slightly better.

490. That brought my average up to a B.

491. Okay. B it is.

492. It's your honor.

493. Lady Bird, your lover awaits!

494. - Hello, Danny! The famous Danny! - Hi.

495. - Aw! - Oh-ho-ho!

496. Aren't you adorable?

497. - Larry, isn't he adorable? - He's adorable.

498. You're driving her and everything. Wow.

499. Yeah, well, thank you for letting Lady Bird come

500. to my grandmother's Thanksgiving, Mrs. McPherson.

501. No. No more politeness. Call me Marion.

502. Oh. Well, nice to meet you, Mr. McPherson.

503. Please, call me Mr. Larry McPherson.

504. Larry. Sit down, Danny.

505. - Can I get you something to drink? - Oh, no, I'm fine.

506. Hey, I'm Miguel, the brother. I think Lady Bird wants to make an entrance.

507. She's mad we don't have a spiral staircase.

508. - Shelly. - What?

509. - Is my name. - Oh. Hi.

510. Hi.

511. It's funny. On my way over here, I went over the train tracks.

512. - Oh, you took H Street. - Right. And so,

513. Lady Bird always says that she lives on the wrong side of the tracks,

514. but I always thought that was like a metaphor.

515. - Oh. - But there are actual train tracks.

516. Oh, hi. You look amazing!

517. - What the hell is in the duffel bag? - Don't worry about it. Jeez.

518. - My grandmother will love that dress. - Okay.

519. Wait.

520. - This is your grandma's house? - Yeah.

521. - Oh, my God! - Oh, Danny! You're late.

522. Oh, uh, well, thank you so much for having us.

523. - This is Lady Bird. - Hi.

524. Hi, honey. Been anxious to meet you.

525. Your house is my favorite

526. - in all East Sacramento. - Oh, thank you.

527. Oh, my God!

528. - Is this a joke? - No.

529. - Pull these out... - Oh...

530. Almost done. Do you like it?

531. Lovely. I love it. Would you mind doing the whole table for me?

532. Okay.

533. Dreams that will explode

534. Waking up the countryside

535. - How do you know when it's working? - You'll know.

536. - It's not working. - It's not?

537. - No. - My sister said this was premium.

538. - I'm working. - I'm... I'm working too.

539. No.

540. I can't feel my arms.

541. You're working.

542. I'm no easy A

543. Quiet...

544. If Danny and I get married, and then his grandma died,

545. I'd inherit the dream house.

546. Wouldn't his parents get it?

547. Oh, yeah. We'd have to kill them,

548. and we'd have to kill his older brothers too.

549. Yeah

550. - Whoo! - Whoo!

551. Where's Mr. Bruno's wife?

552. - How's it going? - Okay.

553. Mom, we... we can't really talk right now.

554. Well, happy Thanksgiving. We missed you, Lady Bird.

555. Try to run, try to hide, try to keep it inside

556. - Bye. - Bye, Birdy.

557. - Bye, Shelly. - Bye, Shelly.

558. Why does that cigarette look so weird?

559. Like, not like a cigarette?

560. 'Cause it's a clove.

561. Lick your lips. That's why they're sweet.

562. Your mom was really sad you weren't here tonight for Thanksgiving.

563. Yeah, well, she hates me.

564. She has a big heart, your mom.

565. She took me in after my parents freaked out about...

566. whatever, premarital sex.

567. I admire her.

568. Pray for us!

569. Save Jesus in our heart!

570. Forever!

571. Flying through the countryside

572. Merrily we roll along, roll along

573. Catching a dream

574. Stop fighting! Stop fighting!

575. Hey!

576. Hey, old friends

577. How do we stay old friends

578. It started out like a song

579. Me and you

580. Me and you

581. Me and you

582. That's true. There she is.

583. - Hi. - Jules. Wow.

584. - You were so good. - Thank you.

585. I couldn't believe that. This is my wife Becky.

586. Becky this is Jules. She's one of my brightest students.

587. - It's so-so nice to meet you. - It's nice to meet you too.

588. - How we doing? Feeling a little better? - A little tired.

589. - Yeah. - Okay. All right, I gotta get her home.

590. We got the little one, but that was really great, Jules.

591. Thank you.

592. Congratulations.

593. He didn't understand it.

594. How long do you think you all will pee?

595. I drank so much soda.

596. - Fuck you. - I just got my period.

597. - Goddammit. - Where're you going?

598. There's never a line in the men's room.

599. Uh, I...

600. Oh, my God.

601. They're really nice socks.

602. They're expensive, actually.

603. They wick moisture away from your feet.

604. My feet always have moisture.

605. Mom, I love them.

606. I'm sorry it's a small Christmas. We wanted to...

607. It's just a little small this year.

608. These are nice.

609. - Do you like it? - Look.

610. - That's good. - That's great.

611. I had to get it. It makes me laugh.

612. Dad, come in.

613. How'd you know it was me?

614. Mom doesn't knock.

615. No, she doesn't.

616. Here they are. Your completed financial aid applications.

617. Thank you!

618. - Merry Christmas. - Thank you.

619. Do you need money for the applications?

620. - I can help with that too. - No. No.

621. I've got that.

622. Summer job's covered it.

623. This is why we have computer shut off time.

624. - This is our room. - Okay, okay.

625. Just can you drive me to the post office on Jade? It should still be open.

626. Three, two, one.

627. Happy New Year!

628. Happy New Year!

629. So you pull the nozzle out. You tip it in.

630. Hey.

631. I-I like your band.

632. Uh, with Jonah Ruiz,

633. - Lenfance New? - L'enfance Nue.

634. Uh, well, I-I saw your Thanksgiving show.

635. My name's Lady Bird.

636. That's weird. You shake hands.

637. Yeah.

638. I'm friends with Jenna and she's always talking about how great your band is.

639. So I wanted to check it out.

640. - Yeah. Jenna's hella tight. - Yeah.

641. Maybe I'll see you at the Deuce or something, huh?

642. Sure. See you at the Deuce.

643. Hey.

644. I'm not paying you to flirt.

645. I wasn't flirting.

646. I wish you had been.

647. A reading from the book of Genesis.

648. "The Lord took Abram outside and said,

649. 'Look up at the sky and count the stars if you can.'

650. Just so, he added, 'Shall your descendants be.'

651. Abram put his faith in the Lord.

652. Who credited to him as an act of righteousness."

653. Okay, the first time we did it, it was at his lake house last summer.

654. - It was so funny. - Oh, here you go.

655. From Uncle Matt.

656. I think he and my mom are fighting so enjoy the lunches while you can.

657. Oh, no thanks. I'm trying to lose weight.

658. Really?

659. Sex is not a big deal. It's just my mom called me during it.

660. - Skirt check. - Was on my cell phone.

661. The one she got me for emergencies.

662. Did you pick up?

663. Yeah. I was like, "Um, Mom, I can't really talk right now."

664. What was the emergency?

665. - What? - Uh, what was the emergency?

666. - Oh, my great aunt died. - I'm so sorry.

667. She kinda did it to herself.

668. Yeah. I don't know why you'd do that if you're already so old.

669. Ladies.

670. Skirts.

671. I'm going to write you a citation, Miss Walton.

672. No more short skirts.

673. Sarah Joan is all up in my junk.

674. She's a cunt.

675. Birdy, you like her.

676. Yeah, but she's a cunt.

677. I have an idea of how to get Sarah Joan back.

678. - How? - You'll see this afternoon.

679. No, we have auditions this afternoon.

680. Oh, right. I mean, uh, I don't think I want to do the play.

681. Meet me at the teacher's parking lot at 3.

682. - I'll have the materials. - Okay.

683. Wait, what was your name?

684. Lady Bird.

685. - Weird. - Ladies.

686. We have a decision to make.

687. Prom themes. Top options so far,

688. cities of the world,

689. eternal flame, and movies.

690. Oh, where is Father Leviatch?

691. All right, let's have everyone take a knee. Huh?

692. - What? - Cozy sit.

693. Now, I know you all miss Father Leviatch,

694. and I can tell you that the brothers do too.

695. But I'm gonna give this thing my best shot.

696. Uh, now, usually I'm the JV football coach,

697. but from what I can see, a play is a play.

698. Where's Lady Bird?

699. She's with her new best friend. She thinks she's too cool for theater.

700. If you can pull out your-your scripts,

701. I've assigned a number to each of your roles.

702. And, uh, I'm gonna put the blocking up here on the board,

703. and then if you guys can transcribe that back in your play books, that'd be great.

704. Who's playing what part?

705. Uh, I had Miss Patty here assign roles, since she knows you all.

706. So, uh, call them out, Miss Patty.

707. Okay, uh, Prospero. Danny.

708. Danny. Nice. That's role one.

709. Wait. Where do you live?

710. Oh, um, The 40s.

711. That's where our starter house was.

712. Which street?

713. Um, 44th.

714. It's the three-story blue one

715. with the white shutters and the American flag in the front.

716. Yeah. I know that one.

717. Do you want to go over there right now and eat?

718. I live in Granite Bay, otherwise I'd say let's go there.

719. Actually, I was thinking maybe we should go to the Deuce.

720. I was talking to Kyle about it, and he was like,

721. "Whatever it's lame, but maybe I'll see you there."

722. How do you know Kyle?

723. Oh, my mom made me get a job at New Helvetia

724. to learn, like, "responsibility."

725. Anyway, we hang out there.

726. Yeah. Kyle's awesome.

727. Let's Deuce it up.

728. Okay, guys. Now, look. Role one, right?

729. You're gonna run, kind of, a skinny post right up front.

730. I want you to look straight at the audience, okay.

731. Don't be looking around and blabbing at anybody if they walk by ya.

732. Eight, nine, ten. You're coming in hard, right here.

733. 'Cause these guys are gonna love it.

734. Don't talk amongst yourselves. Now, coming in slow, we're singing.

735. This is singing. Wide lines are singing.

736. We're singing. We're singing.

737. Danny's not singing yet. He's all alone.

738. Singing. Eight, nine, ten... You come in hot!

739. You come in hot!

740. - This is the Deuce? - Yeah.

741. - It's a parking lot? - Yeah.

742. We were in one parking lot and we went to another parking lot?

743. Hey, Kyle. Lady Bird and I just decorated the Nun-mobile.

744. Like, just married to Jesus.

745. That's hella tight.

746. What you do is very baller.

747. - You're very anarchist. - Yeah.

748. Fuck 'em.

749. Don't worry, I'm not gonna snitch on you.

750. Well, I hope not 'cause I'd fuckin' kill your family.

751. - What? - Sorry.

752. I... That-That was an exaggeration.

753. It's okay.

754. My dad has cancer, so

755. I guess God's doing that for us.

756. Oh, I'm sorry.

757. You work at New Helvetia, right?

758. Right.

759. Can I get your number? We were looking to set up more gigs down there.

760. Definitely.

761. It's my parents number.

762. You don't have a cell phone?

763. - Nah. - Good girl.

764. Government didn't have to put tracking devices on us.

765. We bought them and put them on ourselves.

766. I don't own a tracking device.

767. No, no, no. The cell phones.

768. - You see? - Wow.

769. Yeah. I know.

770. I mean, you'll have one eventually. Everyone's gonna have one.

771. And then, it'll be a matter of time.

772. Before what?

773. Before they put them in our brains.

774. What do you want from me?

775. Yes?

776. My-My grandma wanted me to tell you that she missed you at Christmas.

777. Yeah. Well, I couldn't have gone anyway. My mom was pissed about Thanksgiving.

778. Your mom is crazy. I'm scared of her.

779. She's not crazy. She's just, you know, she has a big heart.

780. She's very warm.

781. I don't find your mother warm.

782. - You don't? - No. No, she's warm. Yeah.

783. - But she's also, kind of, scary. - Well, you can't be scary and warm.

784. - I think you can. Your mom is. - You're gay.

785. Fuck me.

786. Can you not tell anyone, please?

787. I'm so sorry about everything.

788. I'm so ashamed of all of it.

789. It's just... It's going to be bad and I just need a little bit of time

790. to figure out how I'm going to tell my mom and dad and...

791. Don't worry.

792. I won't tell.

793. It's okay.

794. It's okay.

795. And do you have a support system?

796. What do you mean?

797. Who do you turn to when you feel this way?

798. No one, I guess.

799. I'm sorry.

800. No, don't be sorry.

801. There's no wrong answer.

802. Please don't tell your daughter.

803. No. Of course not.

804. Of course not.

805. Remember that you are dust and to dust you will return.

806. Remember that you are dust and to dust you will return.

807. It's a new system. You just enter your social security number and...

808. - Davis? - Davis is good.

809. - Maybe you shoulda looked at it. - It's only half an hour away.

810. - Less if you're driving fast. - I went to graduate school there.

811. Lots of smart people go to Davis.

812. I thought Berkeley had to accept me.

813. You and Miguel went there. I'm a legacy.

814. Uh, not if we don't give money.

815. - And you get bad grades. - And what do you know about it?

816. - Meaning? - Nothing.

817. - No. What are you implying? - Nothing!

818. You fucking racist!

819. - I didn't say anything! - I didn't put down my race!

820. Oh, yeah. I'm sure they had no idea, Miguel!

821. You're actually fucking evil.

822. - What is wrong with you? - Go. Go to your room.

823. - I'm not five! - I didn't raise you like this.

824. I don't have to go anywhere.

825. I'm not going to a fucking university

826. that's famous for its fucking agricultural school!

827. And Miguel and Shelly, you'll never get jobs with all that shit in your face.

828. Hi.

829. Um, help yourself to anything in the fridge.

830. My parents are upstairs, but they don't care if you drink.

831. Okay. Cool.

832. I hate that shit.

833. But you smoke.

834. I smoke hand-rolled cigarettes.

835. Never industrially produced.

836. Never cloves.

837. What's wrong with cloves?

838. Can't inhale cloves. What's the point?

839. Oh.

840. You're not supposed to.

841. Well, cloves were what I first smoked when I was young.

842. So, you know, it's a force of habit.

843. It has fiberglass.

844. - Really? - Yeah.

845. Rolling your own is best.

846. Also, like...

847. I'm trying as much as possible not participate in our economy.

848. I don't like money.

849. So...

850. I'm trying to live by bartering alone.

851. But doesn't Catholic school cost money?

852. Yeah. The diocese we're in are super into it.

853. It mattered to my dad that...

854. I go to Xavier, so

855. just trying to make him happy.

856. - I haven't had sex yet. - Me neither.

857. - With another person. Really? - Nope. Me either. Yeah.

858. It's the tanning bed.

859. Julie will love this.

860. Who's Julie?

861. Lady Bird. You can't lock the door when we have one bathroom.

862. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

863. It's just this is the only place I can get any privacy.

864. You really need to use two towels?

865. Uh, no.

866. - I guess no. - If you need to use two towels,

867. you just have to say because this affects my whole day.

868. Because I have to do laundry before work

869. and I need to know if there's more towels that I need to wash.

870. I just need one. Sorry.

871. Okay. Well, let me get to the mirror, I've gotta get going.

872. When do you think is a normal time to have sex?

873. - You're having sex? - No.

874. Um, college is good.

875. I think college and use protection like we talked about.

876. Okay.

877. Is Dad depressed?

878. Why do you ask that?

879. The pills. They have Dad's name on them.

880. Dad's been struggling with depression for years.

881. I didn't know that.

882. Money is not life's report card.

883. He's depressed about money?

884. Being successful doesn't mean anything in and of itself.

885. It just means that you're successful.

886. Yeah, but then you're successful.

887. But that doesn't mean that you're happy.

888. But he's not happy.

889. I have to get out of Sacramento.

890. Why?

891. Because it's soul killing.

892. It's the Midwest of California.

893. Isn't there a thing, like,

894. "Think globally, act locally"?

895. I feel that the person who said that didn't live in Sacramento.

896. Ah!

897. I love it here.

898. I want to send my daughters to Immaculate Heart.

899. I wanna... You know, I wanna be a mom.

900. At least go to San Francisco.

901. I don't like hills.

902. Start simple with x plus three times x plus two.

903. - Now if we use FOIL, where do we start? - Julie?

904. Julie?

905. Julie. Hey.

906. What do you want from Julie?

907. Darlene, can you excuse us?

908. Darlene's staying.

909. Why aren't you in Algebra 2?

910. - I switched sections. - Why?

911. Aren't Jenna and Kyle enough?

912. I'm sorry that you're jealous.

913. Jenna's a moron, you know.

914. She's not. She's in AP Calculus.

915. She's a moron in a deeper sense.

916. You don't even know her.

917. Miss Patty assigned you a role by the way, you just never showed up to claim it!

918. - What role? - The tempest!

919. - There is no role of the tempest! - It is the titular role!

920. No, it's a made up thing so we all can participate!

921. You can't do anything unless you're the center of attention, can you?

922. Yeah. Well, you know your mom's tits, they're fake. Totally fake!

923. She made one bad decision at 19!

924. Two bad decisions!

925. And at 15, this girl was pregnant.

926. She decided that she was going to get an abortion.

927. It made sense. It was the right thing to do.

928. - She was sitting there... - Let me guess, she didn't get it.

929. and something deep inside of her said,

930. - "No." - Bingo.

931. Anyone want to guess who this woman is?

932. The young lady right here.

933. - You? - No. It was not me.

934. Um, your friend?

935. No.

936. The girl in the story was...

937. my mother.

938. I am that baby that she decided not to abort.

939. That could have been me.

940. That could have been my fate.

941. Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean it's morally wrong.

942. What did you say, ma'am?

943. - Nothing. - Please. Share.

944. I said,

945. "Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that it's morally wrong."

946. You think dead children aren't morally wrong?

947. No. I'm just saying that if you took up close pictures of my vagina

948. while I was on my period, it would be disturbing, but it doesn't make it wrong.

949. Excuse me?

950. Listen. If your mother had had the abortion,

951. we wouldn't have to sit through this stupid assembly.

952. Suspended? How does this happen?

953. Everything we do is for you. Everything.

954. Do you think I like driving that car around?

955. - No. - Do you?

956. - No. - Do you think I like working double shifts

957. at the psych hospital?

958. - No. - You needed to go to the Catholic school

959. because your brother saw somebody knifed in front of him at the public school.

960. Is that what you want? Larry, what are you doing on the computer?

961. - Nothing. - You think your dad and I don't know

962. how ashamed that you are of us? Your dad knows.

963. Your dad knows why you ask him to drop you off a block away from school every day.

964. - Dad, I didn't mean to. - You made him feel horrible!

965. - Horrible! You know that? - I'm sorry.

966. - Marion, you didn't have to bring that up. - No, Larry, you can't just be

967. the nice guy. She has to know.

968. She has to know how you feel.

969. Otherwise, she's just gonna think she can say anything at all,

970. and nobody ever gets hurt.

971. Wrong side of the tracks!

972. - I didn't mean it that way. - Yeah.

973. - It was a joke. - Yeah. It's just a joke Mom and Dad.

974. They don't care. We didn't think we'd be in this house for 25 years.

975. We thought we would've moved some place better.

976. Whatever we give you, it's never enough.

977. - It's never enough. - It is enough.

978. Do you have any idea what it costs to raise you?

979. And how much you're just throwing away every day?

980. Give me a number.

981. What?

982. Give me a number.

983. I don't understand.

984. You give me a number for how much it cost to raise me.

985. And I'm going to get older and make a lot of money,

986. and write you a check for what I owe you.

987. So that I never have to speak to you again.

988. Well I highly doubt that you will be able to get a job good enough to do that.

989. So the attack on Baghdad last night,

990. it was absolutely unbelievable.

991. That's right. Yeah, the likes of which, uh, many US...

992. - Hello? - Hey, it's me, Jenna.

993. Hey. Are you calling me from school?

994. No. We got out early 'cause all the Irish girls got totally sloshed by noon.

995. Oh, right. Happy St. Patrick's Day.

996. Yeah. I guess they'd been stockpiling mini liquor bottles

997. in the tampon machine,

998. and now they're all throwing up.

999. Everyone else got out early.

1000. So, guess where I am.

1001. I don't know. Where?

1002. Ding dong. I'm outside.

1003. - What? - I'm standing outside.

1004. No. Just leave.

1005. Leave.

1006. - Fuck! - Hello.

1007. Hi.

1008. So this is your house?

1009. Yeah.

1010. That lady in the other house was totally freaked out.

1011. That's my friend's grandma. That's her house.

1012. Why did you say it was your house?

1013. I wished I lived in that house.

1014. I don't even sort of understand why somebody would lie about that.

1015. I-I didn't lie.

1016. You lied. You're a liar.

1017. I hate dishonesty.

1018. I'm sorry.

1019. Apology accepted, I guess.

1020. Are we still friends?

1021. I mean, if you're still Kyle's girlfriend, then yeah, I guess I'll see you around.

1022. Mortar rounds fired at the camp that will fly over them

1023. if they are down below on surface of the ground.

1024. And that is hard work, indeed. Believe me. We've had to do it...

1025. I'm ready.

1026. What?

1027. I'm ready to have sex.

1028. Oh. Okay.

1029. Great.

1030. You're so dexterous with that.

1031. Thanks.

1032. Oh.

1033. - You okay? - Yeah.

1034. Are you...

1035. - Are you done? - Yeah. Yes.

1036. Sorry. I was confused.

1037. - You have like... - What?

1038. - You have some sort of like blood. - What?

1039. Oh. Shit!

1040. I get nosebleeds.

1041. - Here. - Thanks.

1042. I'm sorry.

1043. No. I'm good.

1044. Remember when tie-dye was an activity?

1045. Oh, I didn't make that shirt. My parents got it for me at Sea Ranch.

1046. You can read Sea Ranch if you look close.

1047. Cut to ten years later.

1048. What?

1049. Like how ten years ago, you were in first grade.

1050. Now we cut to...

1051. What does cut to mean to you?

1052. Or like, you know, little did he know.

1053. Nothing you're saying is making any sense.

1054. How we're not virgins now.

1055. We deflowered each other. We have each other's flowers.

1056. Sorry.

1057. I'm just happy.

1058. I didn't lose my virginity to you.

1059. Wait...

1060. What?

1061. I lost my virginity to Cassy Duvall.

1062. Excuse me?

1063. You said you were a virgin.

1064. No, I didn't. 'Cause I'm not.

1065. - And I haven't lied in two years. - Oh, Jesus.

1066. Yeah. I probably slept with, like, six people.

1067. You don't even know if it's six people?

1068. I don't keep a list.

1069. Why wouldn't you keep a list?

1070. - We're in high school. - Whoa. Why are you... What?

1071. - Why are you getting so moody? - You did say you were a virgin.

1072. I think you might've made an assumption.

1073. I just had a whole experience that was wrong.

1074. - Look, you're deciding to be upset. - No. I am upset.

1075. Because you're deciding to be. Don't be mad at me for this.

1076. It's stupid. You can't be mad at me for something I have no control over.

1077. I just wanted it to be special.

1078. Why? You're gonna have so much unspecial sex in your life.

1079. I was on top! Who the fuck is on top their first time?

1080. You have any, like, awareness of how many civilians we've killed

1081. - since the invasion in Iraq started... - Shut up!

1082. Shut up.

1083. Different things can be sad. It's not all war.

1084. Are we still going to prom together?

1085. Sure.

1086. I thought Miguel was gonna pick me up.

1087. Well, I was just arriving from work and it was easier.

1088. You okay?

1089. Aww, honey.

1090. He...

1091. Oh. Oh, it's okay.

1092. It's okay.

1093. What's this sweater?

1094. This is... My friend, Jenna, gave it to me.

1095. Who's Jenna?

1096. My friend.

1097. You wanna do our favorite Sunday activity?

1098. I don't have a second shift.

1099. Yeah.

1100. The attack came in waves,

1101. cruise missiles, followed by the F117 stealth bombers

1102. with so-called bunker buster bombs.

1103. With target a bunker believed...

1104. Lady Bird, a bunch of things arrived for you.

1105. Holy shit!

1106. - Since when do you get mail? - I get mail.

1107. Whatever you're up to, it's not gonna end well.

1108. Yes!

1109. These programmers nowadays are like kids, man.

1110. I know.

1111. But that's why I think with me, you'll find something different.

1112. Yeah, but they're like babies.

1113. I hear you. It's wild.

1114. Which is why I went back to school

1115. and got my MBA at UC Davis while still working at ISC.

1116. Oh.

1117. - Wow. That must've been a lot of work. - It was.

1118. I heard ISC's closing now though.

1119. I heard. Yes.

1120. So the assholes who fired you are now closing up shop.

1121. - Feels good. - Yeah.

1122. Uh...

1123. What else is supposed to happen?

1124. Oh, I, uh, thought we'd...

1125. talk about the position.

1126. How'd it go?

1127. Let's go buy a big bag of Doritos and eat them in the car

1128. - to celebrate your wait list. - Okay.

1129. But don't tell Mom about the Doritos or the wait list.

1130. - Hey. - Hi, son.

1131. Wait. What are you doing here?

1132. Well, um...

1133. I guess we're, uh, going for the same job then.

1134. Looks like it.

1135. - Go get 'em. - Thanks.

1136. - This-This way? Okay. - Yeah, yeah.

1137. I know it was you who did the just married thing.

1138. It wasn't me.

1139. I'm not going to punish you.

1140. Oh. Why not?

1141. It was funny.

1142. Sister Gina and I drove all the way home before we noticed people were honking.

1143. Really?

1144. To be fair, I wasn't just married to Jesus. It's been 40 years.

1145. Well, he's a lucky guy.

1146. I read your college essay.

1147. You clearly love Sacramento.

1148. - I do? - You write about Sacramento

1149. so affectionately and with such care.

1150. Well, I was just describing it.

1151. Well, it comes across as love.

1152. Sure. I guess I pay attention.

1153. Don't you think they are maybe the same thing?

1154. Love and attention?

1155. Guess you won't be going to any dances in college.

1156. This is our last one.

1157. You know Davis has a terrific theater

1158. if you're still interested in theater.

1159. - Are ya? - I'm probably no good at acting.

1160. Why don't I look like the girls in the magazines?

1161. It's too bad I can't meet this Kyle before prom.

1162. Well, he's not my boyfriend anymore.

1163. I mean, maybe he never even was.

1164. Well, I'd still like to meet him.

1165. It's too tight. Fuck.

1166. Well, I suggested you not have that second helping of pasta.

1167. - Mom. - Honey, you seem upset about it

1168. - and I'm trying to help. - You're giving me an eating disorder.

1169. I wish I could get an eating disorder.

1170. I love it.

1171. Is it too pink?

1172. What?

1173. Why can't you say I look nice?

1174. I thought you didn't even care what I think.

1175. - I still want you to think I look good. - Okay. I'm sorry.

1176. I was telling you the truth. You want me to lie?

1177. No. I mean, I just wish...

1178. I just...

1179. I wish that you liked me.

1180. Of course I love you.

1181. But do you like me?

1182. I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be.

1183. What if this is the best version?

1184. You look really pretty.

1185. - Really? - Yeah.

1186. You look like a badass girl in a band.

1187. Thanks.

1188. Um...

1189. I guess that's my date.

1190. You aren't gonna get in a car with a guy who honks, are ya?

1191. I think, yes, I am.

1192. Let me get your picture.

1193. Your mom's pissed, she had to work a double.

1194. Even you deserve better than this.

1195. Have a good time.

1196. Yeah. Good luck.

1197. - See ya. - See ya.

1198. - I think she's weird. - She is weird.

1199. Hey, guys.

1200. I guess I'll just sit shotgun.

1201. Yeah.

1202. - You look really nice, Kyle. - You look good.

1203. Thanks.

1204. Hi.

1205. - Hi. - Hey.

1206. Hey, what's going on, man?

1207. Hey. Yeah. Okay, that sounds great.

1208. Okay.

1209. Hey, do you guys wanna ditch prom and just go to Mike's instead?

1210. Yeah. I hate dances.

1211. Yes.

1212. Yeah. Okay. No prom.

1213. I love it.

1214. I actually want to go to prom.

1215. Okay. Yeah. I mean...

1216. I don't really want to do that.

1217. Can you... Can you take me to my friend, Julie's house, please?

1218. Sure.

1219. Who's Julie?

1220. She's my best friend.

1221. Julie, honey?

1222. There's someone here to see you.

1223. - Hey. - Hey.

1224. - Are you okay? - Fine. I'm fine.

1225. What happened?

1226. Nothing really. Nothing.

1227. Why are you crying?

1228. Just crying.

1229. Some people aren't built happy, you know.

1230. Oh, my gosh.

1231. We ate all the cheese.

1232. It's okay. Lots of cheese vary in size.

1233. - This one was a small one. - It's so small.

1234. - It was tiny. - That's not our fault.

1235. What-What were we to do?

1236. Fuck it! Let's just go to prom.

1237. Doesn't your mom have a dress?

1238. Let's be honest. I've had a dress for months.

1239. It's purple.

1240. - It is? - Uh-hmm, you're really gonna like it.

1241. - Come and see it. - Okay.

1242. Cracker time. Dress time.

1243. I hope it fits.

1244. People make so much noise in the movies, but it's really not a big thing.

1245. You can totally be quiet during it.

1246. Was it amazing though?

1247. I wanted it so badly,

1248. but then I found that when it happened...

1249. I-I really like dry humping much more.

1250. You're not a virgin.

1251. - I can't wait for state fair. - Ah, I know.

1252. Log ride.

1253. - Shit. - What?

1254. I'm not gonna be here this summer, like, all summer, basically.

1255. - Why not? - My dad, my real dad,

1256. he resurfaced in Yellowstone,

1257. and he wants me to come there for the summer,

1258. before I start SCC.

1259. Oh.

1260. I'm not going anywhere to college, so it seemed like a good opportunity.

1261. Yeah.

1262. I'm gonna miss the fuck out of you.

1263. I probably won't get in, so

1264. I'll go to Davis and I'll see you every day.

1265. Now, I want spirits to enforce, and art to enchant,

1266. and my ending is despair.

1267. Unless I be relieved by prayer,

1268. which pierces so that it assaults mercy itself

1269. and freeze all faults.

1270. As you from crimes would pardon thee.

1271. Let your indulgence set me free.

1272. Yes!

1273. Ooh!

1274. Christine "Lady Bird" McPherson.

1275. Yeah!

1276. Cheers.

1277. To Miguel and his new job.

1278. - Yay. - Here, here. Yes.

1279. - To Lady Bird going to Davis. - To Davis.

1280. - Congratulations. - Good school.

1281. Hey. So I talked to my manager and, um, you could totally take over my old job.

1282. - Great. Thanks, Miguel. - I'm so proud of you, Lady Bird.

1283. You walked weird across the stage, but you did it!

1284. - I didn't walk weird. - Well, it seemed a little weird.

1285. - Hey, hey, hey! - Hey.

1286. Aw, I missed you guys.

1287. Oh, did you find out about the wait list?

1288. Oh, fuck.

1289. What?

1290. I'm not even in yet, so this might not even be a problem.

1291. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone behind your back.

1292. I just... It's not like I'm definitely going to New York.

1293. Mom.

1294. Mom.

1295. Aren't you, sort of, proud that I'm so close to getting in?

1296. Just a little?

1297. I mean... yes, I know it was probably easier

1298. because 9-11 and less people applying with terrorism and all that,

1299. but still though, I'm sorry.

1300. I know I can lie and not be a good person, but...

1301. please, Mom.

1302. Please. I'm so sorry.

1303. I didn't mean to hurt you.

1304. I-I appreciate everything you've done for me.

1305. I'm ungrateful and I'm so sorry.

1306. I'm so sorry I wanted more.

1307. Just... Please!

1308. Talk to me.

1309. I know I'm-I'm so bad!

1310. I know I am.

1311. But please just talk to me, Mom.

1312. Mom, please talk to me.

1313. Here.

1314. Then next one.

1315. That'll be three dollars.

1316. You passed.

1317. - Seriously? - Yes.

1318. Thanks.

1319. It's not a thanking situation.

1320. You either pass or you don't pass.

1321. Yay.

1322. Come in.

1323. Happy birthday to you

1324. You remembered.

1325. You're my only daughter.

1326. Well, Shelly too. Kind of.

1327. Thanks.

1328. Make a wish.

1329. Are you and Mom gonna get a divorce over this?

1330. No. We can't afford to.

1331. Dad.

1332. I'm kidding, no.

1333. I love your mom.

1334. Does Mom hate me?

1335. You both have such strong personalities.

1336. She doesn't know how to help you and it frustrates her.

1337. I wish she'd talk to me.

1338. She will. I know.

1339. Happy 18.

1340. Thanks.

1341. Do you want some?

1342. Yes.

1343. One pack of Camel Lights please,

1344. and a Scratcher,

1345. and a Playgirl.

1346. ID.

1347. That'll be 10.87.

1348. Oh, um, it's my birthday today.

1349. I'm 18, which is why all these things, I can buy them.

1350. Okay. Happy birthday.

1351. Thanks.

1352. With her scholarships and then if we refinance the house, then where are we?

1353. You're only supposed to use it for emergencies.

1354. It's my tracking device.

1355. When both our minds Are warped with parting

1356. - Thank you for driving. - You're welcome.

1357. You're not coming?

1358. You can't walk up to the gates anymore, anyway.

1359. Yeah, but I'm going to college.

1360. Well, Dad will walk you to security.

1361. Parking's too expensive here.

1362. There it is.

1363. There it is.

1364. Hello.

1365. It's okay.

1366. She'll be back.

1367. She'll come back.

1368. She was worried that there would be errors or mistakes or something,

1369. that you'd judge her writing abilities.

1370. I wouldn't do that.

1371. I thought you should have them,

1372. but I want you to know how much she loves you,

1373. but also don't tell her I salvaged them, okay?

1374. Okay.

1375. - Hey. - Hey.

1376. Do you believe in God?

1377. - Uh, no. - Why not?

1378. Really? Uh, it's ridiculous.

1379. People call each other by names that their parents made up for them,

1380. but they won't believe in God.

1381. What's your name?

1382. Christine. My name is Christine.

1383. Hey. I'm David.

1384. You shake.

1385. - I shake. - Okay.

1386. - Where you from? - Sacramento.

1387. Sorry. Where?

1388. San Francisco.

1389. Oh, cool. Yeah. San Francisco's a great city.

1390. Really.

1391. Bruce. Bruce.

1392. No. My name is David.

1393. Jesus Christ. You have really bad music.

1394. It's all greatest hits.

1395. But they're the greatest.

1396. What's wrong with that?

1397. Oh, God!

1398. I'm sorry.

1399. What do you want us to do? She's drunk.

1400. Excuse me. What day is it?

1401. Sunday.

1402. Thank you.

1403. Hi. You've reached the McPherson family.

1404. Please leave a message. Thank you.

1405. Hi, Mom and Dad.

1406. It's me. Christine.

1407. It's the name you gave me. It's a good one.

1408. Dad, this is more for Mom.

1409. Hey, Mom.

1410. Did you feel emotional the first time that you drove in Sacramento?

1411. I did, and I wanted to tell you,

1412. but we weren't really talking when it happened.

1413. All those bends I've known my whole life,

1414. and stores and the whole thing.

1415. But I wanted to tell you...

1416. I love you.

1417. Thank you. I'm...

1418. Thank you.