1. My name is Harris K. Telemacher.Copy !req
2. I live in L.A. and I've had
seven heart attacks...Copy !req
3. all imagined.Copy !req
4. I was deeply unhappy
but I didn't know it...Copy !req
5. because I was so happy
all the time.Copy !req
6. I have a favorite quote about L.A.
by William Shakespeare:Copy !req
7. "He said, " This other
Eden... demi-paradise...Copy !req
8. this precious stone,
set in the silver sea of this earth...Copy !req
9. "this realm...
this Los Angeles."Copy !req
10. Anyway,
this is what happened to me...Copy !req
11. and I swear, it's all true.Copy !req
12. Watch out L.A.!
It's major gridlock out there this morning.Copy !req
13. Big hold-ups on all the freeways
and surface streets, so don't expect...Copy !req
14. Hey!Copy !req
15. NQ, nQ, HO, HO...Copy !req
16. - Harry!
- It's the perfect situation!Copy !req
17. - I'm telling you as your agent.
- I can't be in a parade!Copy !req
18. I'm in the news.
You won't see Diane Sawyer or Dan Rather...Copy !req
19. - in the Hollywood Day Parade.
- 15 seconds to air!Copy !req
20. Oh, 15 seconds...
What good is it gonna do me...Copy !req
21. to stand in a convertible
and wave at people?Copy !req
22. It's gonna make you beloved.Copy !req
23. Waving is not what I do best.
It looks fake.Copy !req
24. That's a great wave!
That's a great wave!Copy !req
25. Look, I have to maintain some dignity.
People have to respect me...Copy !req
26. so they'll believe
what I'm telling them.Copy !req
27. This is news! This is truth!Copy !req
28. Now, Harris Telemacher
with his report.Copy !req
29. Hey, hey, hey, it's time for the
wac-wac-wacky Weekend Weather!Copy !req
30. - Let's look at our weather map.
- Oh! Hey! Whoa! Watch it! Oh, sorry.Copy !req
31. We're going to have a low
coming in over "Pasadna..."Copy !req
32. Sorry, that's Pasadena...
A low here...Copy !req
33. No, down there...
We were going to have clouds...Copy !req
34. in Beverly Hills, but the Council
voted, decided against it.Copy !req
35. So there'|| be no rain in Beverly Hills.
We'll just have some sun...Copy !req
36. and snow... 72 and snow.
That's what we'll have.Copy !req
37. And now the car phone report.Copy !req
38. Sunspot activity
is at a minimum this week.Copy !req
39. So those with car phones
will have little or no interference.Copy !req
40. So go ahead and make that big important
call. You probably won't be disconnected.Copy !req
41. And that's my report.
Gail and Bob...Copy !req
42. Harris, somebody told me
you have a PhD. in Arts and Humanities.Copy !req
43. - Oh, yes, I do.
- A lot of good it did you!Copy !req
44. Harris, what's wacky?Copy !req
45. - What's wacky?
- What's wacky about your last forecast?Copy !req
46. - To me it was pretty wacky.
- No, not wacky.Copy !req
47. - Not wacky?
- Yes. That's we bought with you, yes.Copy !req
48. You're doing some kind of
intellectual stuff.Copy !req
49. Intellectual stuff?
Maybe intellectual for you...Copy !req
50. because you were educated
with a banana and an inner tube.Copy !req
51. Are you kidding?
This is an intellectual free zone!Copy !req
52. - More wacky, less egghead.
- More wacky, less egghead...Copy !req
53. Thanks, thanks.
Let me make a note of that.Copy !req
54. "More wacky, less egghead."
What was your name again?Copy !req
55. - We're late, aren't we?
- It's only one o'clock.Copy !req
56. That's what time we're supposed to
be there. You know, it's my mistake.Copy !req
57. If I say lunch is at one,
then I figure if I get here at 12:40...Copy !req
58. we'll get there in plenty of time.
Which is fine.Copy !req
59. But what I don't count on is
the 20 minutes of abstract busyness...Copy !req
60. - that goes on after I get here.
- I'm doing 30-minute lips.Copy !req
61. Besides, they can wait.
It's not gonna kill them.Copy !req
62. What I can't figure out is
that you look ready.Copy !req
63. You look so ready
that I get ready...Copy !req
64. and I get up, I stand by the door,
and I get out my keys.Copy !req
65. Then, after I stand there about 10 minutes,
I realize you weren't ready at all.Copy !req
66. So I sit back down. Then I get
another feeling that you're ready...Copy !req
67. and I get up
and I straighten my clothes.Copy !req
68. Then I realize you just gave off
an illusion of being ready...Copy !req
69. that I interpreted
as not being an illusion.Copy !req
70. I'll be in the car.Copy !req
71. Sitting there at that moment, I thought
of something else Shakespeare said.Copy !req
72. He said,
"Hey, life is pretty stupid..."Copy !req
73. With lots of hubbub to keep you busy
but really not amounting to much.Copy !req
74. Of course, I'm paraphrasing.Copy !req
75. "Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of
sound and fury, signifying nothing."Copy !req
76. You look nice.Copy !req
77. - Do you like this one better?
- Uh, yeah.Copy !req
78. - I can change.
- No, that's all right.Copy !req
79. Tell me again
who we're having lunch with?Copy !req
80. Friends and friends of friends,
and some of my gift-service clients.Copy !req
81. - Frank will be there.
- Frank? I just saw Frank.Copy !req
82. He wanted me to be in a parade.Copy !req
83. I mean, if it weren't impossible
for me to fire people...Copy !req
84. I'd get somebody else,
somebody like Harry Zell.Copy !req
85. It is 1:20 now.
20 minutes past the hour of 1:00.Copy !req
86. If you sense something in the air today,
it's not the smog, Los Angeles.Copy !req
87. It's the first day of spring,
the spring equinox.Copy !req
88. Which of course means...
— What did he say?Copy !req
89. - He said, it's the first clay of spring.
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
90. Open season on the L.A. Freeway!Copy !req
91. Where is it?
Look in the glove compartment!Copy !req
92. - Here it is!
- Is it loaded?Copy !req
93. - Just two bullets in it.
- Load it! Load it! Hurry! Hurry!Copy !req
94. - Get over! What's the matter...?
- These are old ones. Do bullets go bad?Copy !req
95. No, it's not like milk!
They don't have an expiration date!Copy !req
96. - Hurry
- Here!Copy !req
97. - Don't point it at me!
- Sorry, I don't know gun etiquette!Copy !req
98. You son of a bitch!Copy !req
99. Better not ruin our brunch!Copy !req
100. - Reload!
- Okay, all right!Copy !req
101. - Be careful with it!
- Sorry!Copy !req
102. - Don't point it!
- You little cocker!Copy !req
103. - My hair!
- Did I leave my blue pants at your apartment?Copy !req
104. Yeah. I took them
to the cleaners.Copy !req
105. I'm not gonna kiss anyone hello anymore.
I hate that.Copy !req
106. - Just shake hands with them.
- I just washed my hands...Copy !req
107. and some guy feels like
he's been squashing caterpillars.Copy !req
108. Cowls, party of ten.Copy !req
109. Uh, yes.
You're the first ones to arrive.Copy !req
110. Right this way, please.Copy !req
111. Hi!Copy !req
112. Hi!Copy !req
113. - Harris!
- How you doing?Copy !req
114. - Fine...!
- No, you don't.Copy !req
115. I hurt my back playing tennis.Copy !req
116. Oh, hi!Copy !req
117. I think it was.
We saw it together.Copy !req
118. So, I see the film,
and I'm gonna give it an 8 or a 7.Copy !req
119. As I'm leaving the parking lot,
I realize that Thurlon, the producer...Copy !req
120. got this incredibly good space
right by the exit...Copy !req
121. and they put me
far away in the back.Copy !req
122. So I go on the air that night,
I give it a 3.Copy !req
123. Good for you.Copy !req
124. Sheila has been studying
the art of conversation.Copy !req
125. - Oh, you're taking a course in conversation?
- Yes.Copy !req
126. One of the first things I always teach
my clients is about the point system.Copy !req
127. You should never have
more than seven things on.Copy !req
128. Your earrings count for 2 points.
Those daisies count for 3 points.Copy !req
129. The best thing to do is,
right before you go out...Copy !req
130. look in the mirror
and turn around fast.Copy !req
131. The first thing that catches your eye,
get rid of it.Copy !req
132. I mean. I had this thing
in my hair before I left...Copy !req
133. and I pulled it right out.
'Cause as soon as I turned, gone!Copy !req
134. Marilyn Monroe did that.Copy !req
135. Whatever you do,
don't ever get dumped in L.A.Copy !req
136. It's not like New York where you can
meet someone walking down the street.Copy !req
137. I know, in L.A., you have to
hit someone with your car.Copy !req
138. I know girls who speed
just to meet cops.Copy !req
139. We met on a hit
in West Hollywood.Copy !req
140. Loud talkers in restaurants.
That's it. I despise them all...Copy !req
141. - and I want them to die.
- There's Sara. Sara's here.Copy !req
142. I don't understand why we don't
shoot them like dogs.Copy !req
143. Bullet in the head.
That's personal.Copy !req
144. - Because they're people.
- They are not.Copy !req
145. - Oh, please...
- Hello.Copy !req
146. - Hello.
- I thought you were lost.Copy !req
147. - I was lost.
- Come in.Copy !req
148. Let me sit you down.Copy !req
149. Let me introduce you.
This is Sara McDowell.Copy !req
150. - Harris, Trudy.
- Hello, hello.Copy !req
151. - Frank Swan.
- Hello.Copy !req
152. - Shawn.
- Hello.Copy !req
153. - How do you do?
- This is Cynthia.Copy !req
154. - Sara just got off a plane from London.
- You must be exhausted.Copy !req
155. I'm shattered, but it's nothing
some sleep and a good fuck wouldn't cure...Copy !req
156. as my sister used to say.Copy !req
157. You have to forgive Sara.Copy !req
158. I'm sorry.
It was just a figure of speech.Copy !req
159. I've been on a plane for 12 hours,
next to a crying baby.Copy !req
160. That's bad.Copy !req
161. So what do you give the flight?
- What?Copy !req
162. - On a scale of 1 to 10?
- Oh, an 8.Copy !req
163. What would you like to eat?Copy !req
164. - What kind of food do they have?
- California cuisine.Copy !req
165. And these goddamn wrong number dialers!
What the hell do we do about them?Copy !req
166. Sara, what do you do?Copy !req
167. I'm here writing an article about
Los Angeles for the London Times.Copy !req
168. Well, you've come
to the right place.Copy !req
169. - What do you do, for a living, Rolly?
- I deal in English paintings.Copy !req
170. - Abstract or realistic?
- It depends on which way you look at them.Copy !req
171. What's this?Copy !req
172. It's an earthquake.
How strong is it, Harris?Copy !req
173. I give it a 4.Copy !req
174. So when an executive
needs a gift for someone...Copy !req
175. I get to go shopping, and I pick out
something that's appropriate.Copy !req
176. In fact, I gifted, right?Copy !req
177. Sherman, Lee, and Rosenquist's
entire office last Christmas!Copy !req
178. Sherman, Lee...
I think I received something from them.Copy !req
179. - A stun gun.
- That was me!Copy !req
180. - You did the stun gun!
- Yes. Monogrammed!Copy !req
181. - Oh, great.
- Did you get it monogrammed?Copy !req
182. 'Cause that was me.
Somebody else was doing that.Copy !req
183. - You know, she oughta interview Harry Zell.
- Who's Harry Zell?Copy !req
184. Harry Zell is the most powerful
show business agent in town.Copy !req
185. Beyond powerful.
He's the fixer.Copy !req
186. - Well, he's supposed to be nice.
- He'd be a great client.Copy !req
187. He'd never stab you in the back
unless it was in self-defense.Copy !req
188. - He's right. He's right.
- Napkin?Copy !req
189. - There was a Zell on the police force.
- I think it's Harry, also, isn't it?Copy !req
190. I keep thinking I'm a grownup,
but I'm not.Copy !req
191. - I'll have a decaf coffee.
- I'll have a decaf espresso.Copy !req
192. - I'll have a double decaf cappuccino.
- Do you have decaffeinated coffee ice cream?Copy !req
193. I'll have a half double decaffeinated
half caf with a twist of lemon.Copy !req
194. - I'll have a twist of lemon.
- I'll have a twist of lemon.Copy !req
195. - I'll have a twist of lemon, please.
- I'll have a twist of lemon.Copy !req
196. I would love to do
a makeover on you.Copy !req
197. I hope your nose turns out.Copy !req
198. As far as I'm concerned, there are only
three mystical places in the world:Copy !req
199. The desert just outside
Santa Fe, New Mexico...Copy !req
200. the tree of life
in the Arab emirate of Bahrain...Copy !req
201. and the restaurant
at the corner of Sunset and Crescent...Copy !req
202. because that's where I first met her,
and that's where I first touched her.Copy !req
203. Isn't that girl Sara awful?Copy !req
204. - I mean, what's with that accent?
- She has an accent because she's English.Copy !req
205. Or maybe she's just trying
to impress everybody.Copy !req
206. Oh, like that big phony
Winston Churchill.Copy !req
207. - About what you said in there...
- What?Copy !req
208. - About getting some sleep and having a bonk.
- Oh, clear.Copy !req
209. Listen, if I say that sort of thing again,
tie me up and gag me.Copy !req
210. We tried that once,
but you started laughing.Copy !req
211. Leave off, Roland.
There's a clear.Copy !req
212. You've come all this way.
I'm so grateful to you.Copy !req
213. - We really should give it another try.
- I'm completely happy the way things are.Copy !req
214. - I'm finally getting my life sorted out.
- I'm so passionate about you.Copy !req
215. Damn all convention.
Let me take you for a hot dog on Sunday.Copy !req
216. - Your ticket, please.
- It's the cream thingy there.Copy !req
217. It's late. I've got to go.Copy !req
218. Bye!Copy !req
219. And she kept her hat on
all through brunch.Copy !req
220. I'm sure she has bad hair.Copy !req
221. I don't think you understand
how unattractive hate is.Copy !req
222. Excuse me! Hello!Copy !req
223. - Thank you.
- Can I ask you a question?Copy !req
224. - Sure.
- Do people here get up early or late?Copy !req
225. It depends. Why?Copy !req
226. If a person were to be making a lot
of noise, what time can they start?Copy !req
227. What kind of noise?
Like construction?Copy !req
228. No, like deep, sustained
booming sounds.Copy !req
229. Deep, sustained booming sounds.
Around 9, 9:15.Copy !req
230. - Great! Thanks! Bye!
- Bye!Copy !req
231. She's used to driving on the left.Copy !req
232. Hey!Copy !req
233. Oh, God...Copy !req
234. I'm sorry!
I was... I was just concentrating on...Copy !req
235. Yeah, I know what you
were concentrating on.Copy !req
236. - Do you like those?
— Yes...Copy !req
237. - Oh, sorry. What?
- Your pants.Copy !req
238. Do you want me
to mark them for you?Copy !req
239. Oh, I don't know... Are these
the same price as these other ones?Copy !req
240. Nope.
These are a little bit more.Copy !req
241. How do I look in these?Copy !req
242. You look fabulous in these.Copy !req
243. - Okay. Mark them.
- Okay.Copy !req
244. You have to stand up straight,
or they won't be right.Copy !req
245. Rig ht.Copy !req
246. Do you like a break in them?Copy !req
247. A little.Copy !req
248. - About like that?
- That's fine.Copy !req
249. That's fine.Copy !req
250. Okay.Copy !req
251. When can I pick these up?Copy !req
252. Just about anytime you want.
Is Wednesday all right?Copy !req
253. Yeah, fine.Copy !req
254. - I'll just slip out of these.
- Okay.Copy !req
255. There are two events in my life
that I consider to be magical...Copy !req
256. that couldn't be explained
scientifically.Copy !req
257. The first of them
was about to happen.Copy !req
258. Hi.Copy !req
259. “Ruck”.?Copy !req
260. "Don't make me waste letters."Copy !req
261. "Are you okay?"Copy !req
262. Oh, "Are you okay"?
Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
263. What?Copy !req
264. Who are you?Copy !req
265. I can see that.Copy !req
266. I'm being filmed.
I know I am being filmed.Copy !req
267. All right.Copy !req
268. Is this a joke or something?Copy !req
269. I see people in trouble,
and I stop them.Copy !req
270. L.A. wants to help you.Copy !req
271. How am I in trouble?Copy !req
272. So what do I do?Copy !req
273. You will know what to do
when you unscramble...Copy !req
274. "How daddy is doing?"Copy !req
275. What?Copy !req
276. Oh, do it again!Copy !req
277. "You will know what to do
when you unscramble..."Copy !req
278. 'How daddy is doing.Copy !req
279. Well, I'll work on it.Copy !req
280. Bye. Bye.Copy !req
281. The sign spoke to me.Copy !req
282. Said I was in trouble.Copy !req
283. If you're talking to signs,
you are in trouble.Copy !req
284. - So I'll see you Sunday?
- I got a shower Sunday.Copy !req
285. Oh, yeah, and I really should take a bath.
Monday?Copy !req
286. - Pick me up at 8:30.
- 8:30? Doesn't anyone eat at 6 anymore?Copy !req
287. Bye.Copy !req
288. Quiet! Quiet! Quiet!
It's me! Quiet!Copy !req
289. Will you be quiet?Copy !req
290. Good night, doggy.Copy !req
291. Who's "daddy"?
Who's "daddy"?Copy !req
292. An entire block in North Hollywood
had to be evacuated today...Copy !req
293. because of a shower
of tennis balls.Copy !req
294. It seems the cargo door of a low-flying
aircraft bearing the tennis balls...Copy !req
295. Ready.Copy !req
296. - Mom.
- Say name again.Copy !req
297. - Mom.
- Say name again.Copy !req
298. And what a surprise this weekend
when the weather turned unseasonably low.Copy !req
299. Here's Harris Telemacher,
our wacky weatherman, with the report.Copy !req
300. And when the weather dropped down
to 58 degrees this weekend...Copy !req
301. - how did you cope?
- I just made sure the windows were shut.Copy !req
302. What about your pets? Were they outside?
What happened?Copy !req
303. The cats were out
till around 10...Copy !req
304. but it got a little too cold for 'em,
and they came in.Copy !req
305. The cats were out
until around 10...Copy !req
306. but it got a little too cold for them,
and they came in.Copy !req
307. Well, that's how L.A. coped
with that surprise low of 58 degrees...Copy !req
308. that turned the weekend
into a real weenie shrinker. Thank you.Copy !req
309. And now, the toupee report.Copy !req
310. Winds 5 to 10 miles an hour...Copy !req
311. gusting to 15 miles an hour
in the late afternoon.Copy !req
312. 50 I would either stay indoors
or wear a hat.Copy !req
313. This is Harris K. Telemacher
with the wiggy weekend weather!Copy !req
314. Hello. This is Harris. I'm in right now,
so you can talk to me personally.Copy !req
315. Please start talking
at the sound of the beep.Copy !req
316. Hello?
— Hello.Copy !req
317. Hello.
— Hello.Copy !req
318. - Is this a person?
- Yes it is a person.Copy !req
319. - Harris Telemacher?
- Yes.Copy !req
320. This is Sara McDowell.
I don't know if you remember me.Copy !req
321. - We met at lunch.
- Oh, yeah. You're the reporter.Copy !req
322. Journalist.
Yes, and you're the weatherman.Copy !req
323. - Meteorologist, yeah.
- I hope you don't mind me calling.Copy !req
324. I just got your number
from Trudy Cowls.Copy !req
325. I was watching you on TV.
I'd love to interview you for my piece.Copy !req
326. - Oh, English, French, or Italian?
- You speak all those languages?Copy !req
327. No. If it were Italian or French,
I'd be out of it.Copy !req
328. BuggeflCopy !req
329. Ready.Copy !req
330. Dial Mom.Copy !req
331. Domino's Pizza.
This is Julian.Copy !req
332. - Our specials for today...
- Sorry... Sorry...Copy !req
333. Want some trail mix?
Fruit? Cookies?Copy !req
334. Ariel, how do you stay thin
with all this food you have around here?Copy !req
335. I don't know, I guess women burn fat
faster than men do.Copy !req
336. That's a disgusting notion.
That's my friend —Copy !req
337. Smart, pretty,
and quite a little fat burner.Copy !req
338. - You're just jealous.
- No, no. I could never be a woman.Copy !req
339. I'd stay home and play
with my breasts all clay.Copy !req
340. Where's June?Copy !req
341. In her room, recovering
from the aftereffects of alcohol.Copy !req
342. - Want some juice?
- Sure.Copy !req
343. You can be my taster.
It's a new mixture for the shop.Copy !req
344. Hello? This is Ariel.Copy !req
345. Hey, kiddo. What's up?Copy !req
346. Sounds like a job for Supergirl.Copy !req
347. It's exactly
like licking a shag carpet.Copy !req
348. Okay. I'll bring your stuff down
in about an hour. Bye.Copy !req
349. It's great being the boss.
Can we take your car...Copy !req
350. - so I can leave mine for June?
- Sure.Copy !req
351. Boy, are you gonna have a rough clay.
There's coffee in there.Copy !req
352. - Hey, Harris. God, was I stupid.
- Have some juice.Copy !req
353. I'll make you some eggs.
Can you hold on a sec, Harris?Copy !req
354. - Sure. The museum doesn't close till 5:00.
- I never learn.Copy !req
355. Go!Copy !req
356. This is my way of keeping busy.Copy !req
357. I call it performance art,
but my friend Ariel calls it wasting time.Copy !req
358. History will decide.Copy !req
359. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
360. - You're on time.
- Actually, I'm late.Copy !req
361. - You're exactly on time.
- But I had planned to be early.Copy !req
362. Hey, stop. Don't. Stop.Copy !req
363. Let me pose, at least.Copy !req
364. Listen, I had this idea.
Rather than do an interview...Copy !req
365. Hang on.Copy !req
366. Rather than do an interview with me,
which would be fascinating, by the way...Copy !req
367. because of the interesting
word usements I structure...Copy !req
368. I thought I'd show you
around town a little bit...Copy !req
369. A few kind of secret places,
a cultural tour of L.A.Copy !req
370. There's the first 15 minutes,
then what?Copy !req
371. - All right, a cynic.
- First stop is six blocks from here.Copy !req
372. - Why don't we walk?
- Walk?Copy !req
373. A walk in L.A.!Copy !req
374. Architecture. Some of these buildings
are over 20 years old.Copy !req
375. This house is Greek revival.Copy !req
376. They revive the Greek
every morning who lives in it.Copy !req
377. Here's a Tudor mansion
and a four-door mansion.Copy !req
378. You're really nobody in L.A. unless
you have a house with a really big door.Copy !req
379. I'll take you over
to the Museum of Musicology.Copy !req
380. Verdi's baton.Copy !req
381. Mozart's quill.Copy !req
382. Beethoven's balls.Copy !req
383. Come on. I'll take you over to the graveyard.
Lots of famous people are buried here.Copy !req
384. Rocky Marciano, Benny Goodman,
and, of course, William Shakespeare.Copy !req
385. I think he wrote
"Hamlet, Part 8: The Revenge" here.Copy !req
386. Hello.Copy !req
387. Hello.Copy !req
388. - Oh, hello.
- Whose grave is this?Copy !req
389. Mine.Copy !req
390. No, I think he means,
who's going to be buried here?Copy !req
391. - What's his name?
- Not a he, Miss.Copy !req
392. - All right, she.
- Not a woman, either.Copy !req
393. Used to be a woman.
Now she's dead.Copy !req
394. Finally, a funny gravedigger.Copy !req
395. Want to know how long
it takes a body to rot?Copy !req
396. Boy, do we.Copy !req
397. If they're not rotten before they die,
eight or nine years.Copy !req
398. Some of them Beverly Hills women,
they'll last you 12 years, they will.Copy !req
399. - How come?
- Their skin is so tan.Copy !req
400. It's all stretched and polished up
like a bloody shoe.Copy !req
401. That'|| keep the water out.Copy !req
402. And water's the thing that'|| ruin
a perfectly good dead body, it will.Copy !req
403. Also, they got them extra parts,
you know.Copy !req
404. Some of that stuff,
it's not biodegradable.Copy !req
405. Oh, now, here's a bloke
that's been around for 35 years, I bet.Copy !req
406. - Who was he?
- That's a magician. The Great Blunderman.Copy !req
407. Not so great now, is he?Copy !req
408. Great Blunderman.Copy !req
409. I knew him.Copy !req
410. He was a funny guy.
Taught me magic.Copy !req
411. A fellow of infinite jest?Copy !req
412. - Yeah.
- That's it.Copy !req
413. "He hath borne me on his back
a thousand times."Copy !req
414. She knows. She's got it!Copy !req
415. "Where be your gibes now...Copy !req
416. your flashes of merriment
that would set the table on a roar?"Copy !req
417. Ordinarily, I don't like being
around interesting people...Copy !req
418. because it means
I have to be interesting, too.Copy !req
419. Are you saying I'm interesting?Copy !req
420. All I'm saying is that when I'm around you,
I find myself showing off...Copy !req
421. which is the idiot's version
of being interesting.Copy !req
422. Are you seeing anyone now?Copy !req
423. Yeah.Copy !req
424. Me, too, so that's sort of out.Copy !req
425. Can I have your friend's
head back, then?Copy !req
426. Sure. Sorry.Copy !req
427. - I should get to work.
- Me, too.Copy !req
428. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
429. Cheers. Come back!Copy !req
430. They all do.
Don't they?Copy !req
431. Hey, hey, hey! What a weekend!
We've got sun, earth, and atmosphere!Copy !req
432. When you've got that,
you've got weather!Copy !req
433. Good weather!
Sun! Sun! Sun! Sun! Sun! Sun!Copy !req
434. Yes, it's going to... Wow!Copy !req
435. It's got my watch!
Turn off the magnet!Copy !req
436. I've got it! I've got it!Copy !req
437. Geez...Copy !req
438. Okay. We got...
Turn off the magnet!Copy !req
439. And now, the financial report.Copy !req
440. '89 Mercedes,
up 400 dollars at $28,640 dollars.Copy !req
441. Used '88 Mercedes,
unchanged at 26,100 dollars.Copy !req
442. And... cut.Copy !req
443. Okay, let's run it back,
see what we've got.Copy !req
444. You'll run that for me on Saturday,
Jesse?Copy !req
445. Harry, should you really be pretaping
the weather report?Copy !req
446. The weekends are very tough for me
to come in.Copy !req
447. You can imagine
my busy weekend schedule.Copy !req
448. Besides, this is L.A.
What's going to change?Copy !req
449. There are two reasons for the ridiculous
detour I was about to embark on.Copy !req
450. So I'll see you tomorrow!
Thanks!Copy !req
451. - Are you closed?
- Yeah, sorry.Copy !req
452. The first reason was, I believed
a relationship with Sara was impossible.Copy !req
453. Wow.Copy !req
454. And the second reason was,
I was a big, dumb male.Copy !req
455. - I came to pick up some pants.
- Yeah?Copy !req
456. You sold me a pair of pants
and a tie thing.Copy !req
457. Yeah, I remember.
You just wanna pick 'em up?Copy !req
458. - Yeah.
— I can get 'em for you.Copy !req
459. That'd be great.
Save me coming back.Copy !req
460. - Would it be so bad if you had to come back?
- I don't have my ticket.Copy !req
461. That's okay.Copy !req
462. - I remember what they look like.
- I'll be right back.Copy !req
463. - Thanks.
- Oh, God, I'm getting all wet!Copy !req
464. I'll be right back.Copy !req
465. They're not ready yet.
Want us to call you when they are?Copy !req
466. - Yeah, that would be great.
- What's the number?Copy !req
467. Oh, I'll write it.Copy !req
468. - Do you have any paper?
- Um, no. No.Copy !req
469. Here.Copy !req
470. - Okay.
- I'll have them call you when they're ready.Copy !req
471. - Probably just be tomorrow.
- Okay.Copy !req
472. - Okay.
- All right.Copy !req
473. Expecting a call?Copy !req
474. - Were you shocked?
- Shocked, but glad.Copy !req
475. I could tell you that you wanted to ask me
for my number, so I just asked for yours.Copy !req
476. But I didn't know I wanted your number
until it was too late.Copy !req
477. I went to this psychic once.
I don't really believe in that stuff...Copy !req
478. but he told me I have
this special fifth sense about things.Copy !req
479. I mean about guys
wanting your number...Copy !req
480. I figure that any guy
would want your number.Copy !req
481. Oh, that's sweet!Copy !req
482. Hey, Wacky Weather Guy.
How you doing?Copy !req
483. Hi.Copy !req
484. God, I can't help
but be nervous out here.Copy !req
485. - Why? You're not doing anything wrong.
- I mean...Copy !req
486. - You must have a boyfriend.
- Oh, he doesn't care.Copy !req
487. I mean, he can't care.Copy !req
488. He gave me this big speech about
how even though we live together still...Copy !req
489. he thinks that we should
be able to see other people...Copy !req
490. so I said, "That's okay."Copy !req
491. But it backfires on him
every once in a while.Copy !req
492. - Where is he now?
- He's over there at the bar.Copy !req
493. - What?
- Don't worry about it. his is his idea.Copy !req
494. - Are you kidding? Stop it! Come on...
- This is him! Right here!Copy !req
495. Hi.Copy !req
496. - Do you want my phone number?
- No. I don't want your number.Copy !req
497. That'd be a disaster.
If I had your number, I might call you.Copy !req
498. It's 555-2312.
Say it back.Copy !req
499. - No, stop. I don't want to know it.
- 555-2312.Copy !req
500. - Stop. You're gonna make me memorize it.
- Say it back.Copy !req
501. - No!
- 555...Copy !req
502. - 2312.
- Geez, now I know it.Copy !req
503. - 555...
- 2312.Copy !req
504. - What was your name again?
- Sandee.Copy !req
505. I'm sorry. Sandee. Sandee.
It's a nice name.Copy !req
506. Everybody has such weird names now.
It's like Tiffany with a p-h-I...Copy !req
507. and instead of Nancy,
it's Nancine.Copy !req
508. - It's "S-a-n-D-e-E".
- What?Copy !req
509. S-a-n-D-e-E.Copy !req
510. BigCopy !req
511. small "a"...Copy !req
512. small "n", big "D"...Copy !req
513. small "e", big "E".
And there's a little star at the end.Copy !req
514. When I got out of class,
I decided to call you.Copy !req
515. - What class are you taking?
- I'm studying to be a spokesmodel.Copy !req
516. What is a spokesmodel?Copy !req
517. Just a model who speaks.
She points at things...Copy !req
518. like merchandise,
like a car, or washer and dryer...Copy !req
519. Sometimes it's really small,
like a book or fine art prints.Copy !req
520. - They have classes for that?
- Yeah, cause it's a lot harder than it looks.Copy !req
521. - Hi, my name is Bob. I'll be your robber.
- Hi, how are you.Copy !req
522. - Thank you very much.
- How long are the classes?Copy !req
523. - About three hours.
- What made you want to be a spokesmodel?Copy !req
524. I always liked pointing.Copy !req
525. - Why won't you sleep with me?
- People don't sleep with their ex-husbands.Copy !req
526. It happens all the time.
Who know...Copy !req
527. - it might be just like it was.
- Roland, that would be terrible.Copy !req
528. Oh, come on, Sara.
We're a perfect match.Copy !req
529. Just because my mother hunts with your
mother doesn't make us a perfect match.Copy !req
530. That's not what I'm saying,
for God's sakes.Copy !req
531. - Your mother shot my mother.
- That's so unfair. It was an accident.Copy !req
532. - With a 12-bore shotgun?
- It was only in the foot.Copy !req
533. You're the only normal one in the family,
and you're just barely hanging on.Copy !req
534. Remember when your mother found out whose
dog kept crapping in front of the house...Copy !req
535. and put their name on a little flag
and stuck it in the center of the pile?Copy !req
536. These are not things
grownups do.Copy !req
537. - I'm the only sane thing in your life.
- Yes, possibly.Copy !req
538. I want you back.Copy !req
539. I'll cook for you. I'll sew for you.
Just give me one weekend with you.Copy !req
540. We'll go away and see how it is.Copy !req
541. Will you come?Copy !req
542. I went roller-skating once,
at the Brooklyn Rollerdrome.Copy !req
543. It was awful.
I was completely out of control.Copy !req
544. I couldn't stop,
I couldn't turn.Copy !req
545. I went slamming into this
8-foot-tall black guy...Copy !req
546. in an emerald green satin jump suit
with matching skates.Copy !req
547. I said, "I'm terribly sorry.
Could you help me?"Copy !req
548. He looked down at me
with deeply stoned eyes, and he said:Copy !req
549. "Little lady, let your mind go,
and your body will follow."Copy !req
550. Well, how was that?Copy !req
551. It was very nice. Thanks.Copy !req
552. Well, I hope I wasn't too young
in my thinking for you.Copy !req
553. - What?
- Joke.Copy !req
554. - Hi, Julie.
- Hey, SanDeE.Copy !req
555. - I don't put any pressure on you, do I?
- Not at all. I don't pressure you, do I?Copy !req
556. No. I just don't think
there should be any pressure.Copy !req
557. - Tell me if I pressure you.
- Okay. You, too.Copy !req
558. - But don't feel like you have to.
- Okay.Copy !req
559. Have you ever had
a high colonic?Copy !req
560. - Pardon me?
- A high colonic.Copy !req
561. - You mean an enema?
- Yeah.Copy !req
562. - I keep waiting for you to say, "Joke."
- They're great, they really purify you.Copy !req
563. There's this place
in Santa Monica that do it.Copy !req
564. Oh, they're great!Copy !req
565. - Is this where you live?
- Yeah. Here.Copy !req
566. It's really groovy.Copy !req
567. Well...Copy !req
568. - Good night.
- Good night.Copy !req
569. Bye. See you.Copy !req
570. - Hello?
- Take me off that goddamn speaker phone!Copy !req
571. Relax!Copy !req
572. - It's just a modern-day device.
- I have to see you.Copy !req
573. - You were with someone else last night?
- Yes.Copy !req
574. - There was no shower?
- There was. I didn't go at the last minute.Copy !req
575. Having sex with my agent again?
I have told you a thousand times...Copy !req
576. How did you know?Copy !req
577. I was right?
I was right?Copy !req
578. I was making a bad joke.
My agent? Frank?Copy !req
579. And this is how I find out?
You tell me?Copy !req
580. He isn't happy about it either.
We just decided I should tell you.Copy !req
581. God, I thought he was only supposed
to take 10%.Copy !req
582. We were here.
Then aftenwards...Copy !req
583. After he made love to you, what?Copy !req
584. - We went to the Hard Rock Cafe.
- What time?Copy !req
585. I don't know...
11:00, 11:30.Copy !req
586. I felt I had to tell you
in case anyone saw us there.Copy !req
587. - It was a dumb thing to do.
- How long has this been going on?Copy !req
588. - Three years.
- Three years?Copy !req
589. - I'm sorry!
- This has been going on since the '80s?Copy !req
590. I'm sorry.
I just can't be here right now.Copy !req
591. Yes, yes! L.A., I love you!Copy !req
592. I'm out of my relationship.
I'm out of the agency.Copy !req
593. I only had to look like a sucker
for three years!Copy !req
594. Now if I could only
get out of doing the weather.Copy !req
595. Will you stop
just predicting stuff?Copy !req
596. Have you always
been a freeway sign?Copy !req
597. I mean, did you start out as a stop sign,
and work your way up to a street light...Copy !req
598. then become a billboard?Copy !req
599. "I believe I was
reincarnated from a bagpipe."Copy !req
600. Oh, all right.Copy !req
601. If you get your voice back,
will you stop predicting?Copy !req
602. Yes.Copy !req
603. "The weather will change
your life."Copy !req
604. "Twice."Copy !req
605. Hey, so I pretaped the weather report,
and some weekend sailors lost some boats.Copy !req
606. Big deal.
If they're rich enough to have boats...Copy !req
607. they're rich enough to lose them.Copy !req
608. What kind of an asshole sailor would trust
The Wacky Weatherman anyway?Copy !req
609. - This one.
- You lost your boat?Copy !req
610. Yes. You're fired.Copy !req
611. I never want to see
your face again.Copy !req
612. I said I never want to see your face again.
You're fired.Copy !req
613. "The weather will
change your life twice."Copy !req
614. That's once.Copy !req
615. Hey, Harris.
Heard you and Trudi broke up.Copy !req
616. I always figured
your relationship was a 2.Copy !req
617. If confusion about your love life
is ruining your day...Copy !req
618. it's good to go to your
best friend's house and ruin her day, too.Copy !req
619. When I really analyze it,
Trudi wasn't for me anyway.Copy !req
620. The only good times we had were having sex
and laying in bed watching TV.Copy !req
621. - That's a good turn.
- I hate to tell you this, Harris...Copy !req
622. but if you can find somebody
you can have sex with...Copy !req
623. and lie in bed and watch TV,
you've really got something.Copy !req
624. What happened to my plant?Copy !req
625. Anybody else
out there on the horizon?Copy !req
626. There's someone I like,
but it's impossible.Copy !req
627. Does she like you?Copy !req
628. - I don't know.
- Why don't you call this SanDeE girl?Copy !req
629. At least you'd have somebody
to take places.Copy !req
630. Thanks a lot.
It was great!Copy !req
631. So... what do you think?Copy !req
632. I think it was a total washout.Copy !req
633. God, It really clears out
your head!Copy !req
634. Head? Head? You should go back
and tell them they're doing it wrong.Copy !req
635. Well, it was a great luncheon enema.
Thanks.Copy !req
636. - So are you going to see me again?
- Yeah, sure, if you want to.Copy !req
637. - When?
- Um, Friday... Is Friday okay?Copy !req
638. - Yeah.
- Okay. Where do you want to go?Copy !req
639. There's this new restaurant, it's supposed
to be really great, it's on Sunset.Copy !req
640. - Um... L'Idiot?
- L'Idiot. I've heard of that. Sure.Copy !req
641. L'Idiot, you and me on Friday.Copy !req
642. Hello, L'Idiot? Yes, I'd like to make
reservations for two for Friday.Copy !req
643. Saturday?Copy !req
644. Out of the question.
— Sunday? Ah, good. 8:30?Copy !req
645. 5:30 or 10:30?Copy !req
646. - 5:3 O.
- How would you like to pay?Copy !req
647. - Visa.
- What do you do?Copy !req
648. - Tm a weatherman.
- Are you on TV?Copy !req
649. Yes, I'm on TV!
— Are you renting, or do you own?Copy !req
650. Renting.
I just sold a condo.Copy !req
651. - What? In this soft market?
- Yes, in this soft market!Copy !req
652. - What do you earn 7
— I don't see how that's any busi...Copy !req
653. In the low 50s.Copy !req
654. Yeah, I could meet you there
at 3:00.Copy !req
655. I have Visa
and I have MasterCard.Copy !req
656. They all
have Visa and MasterCard.Copy !req
657. I think what Mr. Pardue is looking for
is more than a promise to pay.Copy !req
658. I think he's looking for a kind of depth
in your financial sea, so to speak.Copy !req
659. Let us make this easier.Copy !req
660. Suppose you get a reservation.Copy !req
661. And let us suppose you come down
to the restaurant, and we honor it.Copy !req
662. What do you think
you might order?Copy !req
663. Well...Copy !req
664. I might like to have the duck.Copy !req
665. - You can't have the duck.
- You can't have the duck.Copy !req
666. Why?Copy !req
667. You think with this financial statement
like this, you can have the duck?Copy !req
668. Where do you summer?Copy !req
669. - What do you mean?
- Where do you spend your summers?Copy !req
670. - Right here.
- He can have the chicken.Copy !req
671. You can have the chicken.Copy !req
672. What about my date?
I can't tell her what to order.Copy !req
673. You can certainly urge her
in one direction.Copy !req
674. Look, either we go there,
and she orders what she wants...Copy !req
675. or let's forget it.Copy !req
676. All right.
I like a little gamble.Copy !req
677. We can take you in...Copy !req
678. eight weeks.Copy !req
679. Hi, SanDeE, listen, I've heard
some bad things about L'Idiot.Copy !req
680. I went down there to check it out, and
the chef had a big open sore on his lip.Copy !req
681. Yeah, I know, I know I did.
I'm really sorry.Copy !req
682. What if we went away for the weekend,
like Santa Barbara?Copy !req
683. Totally beautiful!Copy !req
684. Roland thinks L.A.
is a place for the brain-dead.Copy !req
685. He says if you turned off the sprinklers,
it would turn into a desert.Copy !req
686. But I think...Copy !req
687. I don't know...
It's not what I expected.Copy !req
688. It's a place where they've taken a desert
and turned it into their dreams.Copy !req
689. I've seen a lot of L.A.,
and I think it's also a place of secrets.Copy !req
690. Secret houses, secret lives,
secret pleasures.Copy !req
691. And no one is looking to the outside
for verification...Copy !req
692. that what they're doing
is all right.Copy !req
693. So what do you say, Roland?Copy !req
694. I still say
it's a place for the brain-dead.Copy !req
695. Why do you have to be so snotty?Copy !req
696. Really, I think
you're just being superior.Copy !req
697. I've met some pretty intelligent people
here in Los Angeles.Copy !req
698. - Good Lord!
- God! I'm sorry! Are you...?Copy !req
699. Hi.Copy !req
700. This is one of the people
I was telling you about, you know.Copy !req
701. Harris Telemacher, this is Roland Macky.
You met at lunch.Copy !req
702. - Have you tried the Guggenheim?
- I get that.Copy !req
703. Because it's circular
and goes downhill.Copy !req
704. I got it! Oh, hi!Copy !req
705. Oh, Ariel, this is Roland Macky
and Sara McDowell.Copy !req
706. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
707. - Hi.
- I loved your wacky TV bit.Copy !req
708. Thanks. I loved yours, too.Copy !req
709. - But I didn't...
- I can explain.Copy !req
710. - I see.
- It's a thing that I do regularly.Copy !req
711. That's marvelously funny.
You have a lot of verve.Copy !req
712. Verve?Copy !req
713. Would you like
to walk around with us?Copy !req
714. I like the relationships.Copy !req
715. I mean, each character
has his own story.Copy !req
716. The puppy is a bit too much, but
you have to overlook things like that...Copy !req
717. in these kind of paintings.
But...Copy !req
718. the way he's holding her...
It's almost... filthy.Copy !req
719. I mean, he's about to kiss her,
and she's pulling away...Copy !req
720. The way his leg
is sort of smashed up against her.Copy !req
721. Look how he's painted the blouse
sort of translucent.Copy !req
722. You can just make out
her breasts underneath.Copy !req
723. It's sort of touching him
about here...Copy !req
724. It's really... pretty torrid,
don't you think?Copy !req
725. Then of course, you have the onlookers
peeking at them from behind the doorway...Copy !req
726. like they're all shocked.Copy !req
727. They wish.Copy !req
728. I must admit, when I see a painting
like this, I get emotionally...Copy !req
729. Erect.Copy !req
730. Well, that was terrific.Copy !req
731. All those paintings
of food made me hungry.Copy !req
732. I could eat some paintings
of food myself.Copy !req
733. - Well, it was fun.
- Yes, lovely to meet you.Copy !req
734. - Great running into you.
- Good-bye.Copy !req
735. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
736. - What were you doing in there?
- That's the girl I was telling you about.Copy !req
737. - Well, you've really blown it now, pal.
- Why don't we all go somewhere for dinner?Copy !req
738. I've heard of this happening,
where you meet someone coincidentally...Copy !req
739. and end up going out to dinner with them,
but it never happened to me.Copy !req
740. - This guy loves me.
- Everybody does, Harris.Copy !req
741. - We'll stop by L'Idiot.
- I've heard about that place.Copy !req
742. I should warn you, we'll never
get in L'Idiot, it's impossible.Copy !req
743. - There's a phone. Back in a jiff.
- Suit yourself.Copy !req
744. I gotta meet June. I can't go with you.
Do you think they could take you home?Copy !req
745. - I don't want to impose.
- It's no problem. We've got two cars.Copy !req
746. Ariel, excuse me,
are you coming?Copy !req
747. - No, I can't.
- Dinner for three.Copy !req
748. It's all set.
How should we do this?Copy !req
749. Why doesn't he come with me,
since you know where it is?Copy !req
750. Yeah. I know where it is, and she doesn't.
That would be perfect.Copy !req
751. So I could tell her where it was,
because if I went with you...Copy !req
752. there would be two people in one car
who knew where it was and one who didn't...Copy !req
753. and we'd end up
drawing a map or something.Copy !req
754. Unless, I drove your car,
and then you went with her.Copy !req
755. - Is Roland your boyfriend?
- No. Just friends.Copy !req
756. That's good. I mean, it's fine.
It's fine that I can drive with you.Copy !req
757. Right side!
Get on the right side!Copy !req
758. - Stop!
- I don't think he can hear you.Copy !req
759. - Your usual table, Mr. Christopher?
- No. I'd like a good one this time.Copy !req
760. I'm sorry.
That is impossible.Copy !req
761. - Part of the "New Cruelty"?
- I'm afraid so. Table 253.Copy !req
762. - The "New cruelty"...
- Yes, what do you want?Copy !req
763. - You like to hear our specials?
- I'm going to tel/ you what We got to eatCopy !req
764. We've got primavera pasta,
six different kinds of meatCopy !req
765. We've got side cuts,
end cuts covered with a gooCopy !req
766. Called hollandaise, bearnaise,
and we can broil them, tooCopy !req
767. Gee, I'm clone already,
and I don't remember eating.Copy !req
768. We got crab cakes, zucchini flakes,
artichokes, and moreCopy !req
769. Santa Barbara oysters
on a bed of grilled radicchioCopy !req
770. Spicy guacamole
and a brie quesadillaCopy !req
771. We got goat cheese pizza
on a blue corn tortillaCopy !req
772. - Floss?
- I'll have floss.Copy !req
773. - Diet or regular?
- Regular.Copy !req
774. We got hot bread, milk-fed veal
and new potatoesCopy !req
775. And a hundred different ways
to cook a couple of tomatoesCopy !req
776. If the service is a problem
'cause the place is packedCopy !req
777. Ask for me, I'm Sham, your waiter,
and I also actCopy !req
778. Oh, forget them!
They're nobodies!Copy !req
779. - I'll take you home. I love close to you.
- What?Copy !req
780. - I live close to you. I'll take you home.
- The cars are here.Copy !req
781. I'll take him home.
He lives close to me.Copy !req
782. - Are you sure?
- Oh, yeah. No problem.Copy !req
783. All right, that's perfect,
since I live in the Valley.Copy !req
784. Maybe I should take a cab.
Drive over was a bit risky.Copy !req
785. Don't be so silly.
Get in.Copy !req
786. Sara, promise you'll see me
this weekend.Copy !req
787. I will. I promise.Copy !req
788. - See you at the weekend.
- Bye!Copy !req
789. Bye!Copy !req
790. Right side! Right side!Copy !req
791. - It was fun.
- Yes, it was.Copy !req
792. - I like Roland a lot.
- Yes, he's nice, isn't he?Copy !req
793. Yeah, yeah. I think it's interesting that
you can have a relationship with a man...Copy !req
794. you know, that's friendly
more than sexual.Copy !req
795. So... good night.Copy !req
796. Good night.Copy !req
797. - The car's rolling.
- The car!Copy !req
798. - It's locked!
- It's locked here, too.Copy !req
799. Your side is locked?
Where are the keys?Copy !req
800. - They're in the car, of course!
- What're they doing in the car?Copy !req
801. They're in the ignition...!
- How'd it get looked?Copy !req
802. - I didn't lock the car!
- Of course you locked it!Copy !req
803. - We'll stop it from rolling!
- Stop it? Are we on a hill?Copy !req
804. Yes, but it slopes the other way.
Pull!Copy !req
805. - No, I got it!
- I got it. I got it.Copy !req
806. This will get it!Copy !req
807. Oh, my God...Copy !req
808. Oh, my God...Copy !req
809. - I think I know what this is.
- My God.Copy !req
810. Get in.Copy !req
811. - What?
— Get in.Copy !req
812. - Certainly I'm not!
- No, it's all right. You can trust me.Copy !req
813. - I'm not getting in!
- No, no. I didn't threaten!Copy !req
814. Here!Copy !req
815. It's all right.
Stay in, stay in!Copy !req
816. All right. Just...Copy !req
817. I think we're fine.
Don't claw me!Copy !req
818. You get over here!
Let me not drive!Copy !req
819. What makes you think
you can drive better than me?Copy !req
820. I've been driving for years!Copy !req
821. This is the sign
I was telling you about.Copy !req
822. - What is it?
- Harris.Copy !req
823. I think I figured out the moving car.
You know what it could be?Copy !req
824. I read an article in the Times
on induction.Copy !req
825. My brothers found out you can generate
electrical currents in rabbits if you...Copy !req
826. pass a strong magnetic field
along their body, so what it could be...Copy !req
827. My head hurts.Copy !req
828. I think I should go.Copy !req
829. Do you want to come in?Copy !req
830. Why?Copy !req
831. Yeah. Sorry.
I'm moving too fast.Copy !req
832. But we should see each other again,
don't you think?Copy !req
833. Yes!Copy !req
834. I suppose. Yeah.Copy !req
835. - Uh, well... what's today?
- Thursday.Copy !req
836. The weekend?Copy !req
837. I should tell you I'm supposed
to see my ex this weekend.Copy !req
838. I'm sorry.
I promised. It's a deal.Copy !req
839. Yeah. Oh, God! I've got a few things
to untangle myself this weekend.Copy !req
840. My mother throws this bridge luncheon,
and I really should be there.Copy !req
841. I'm supposed to go
to this fund-raising dinner tomorrow.Copy !req
842. It's formal, you know, but I thought
maybe to take a hog like you would be...Copy !req
843. fantastic.Copy !req
844. Not a date. Just a do.
You interested in that?Copy !req
845. All right.Copy !req
846. - All right?
- Yeah, all right.Copy !req
847. Great.
So I'll take that as yes.Copy !req
848. - Okay.
- Great.Copy !req
849. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
850. I think it's wonderful you see your mother.
It reminds me, I should call mine.Copy !req
851. Yeah. You've got your ex,
and I've got that whole bridge thing.Copy !req
852. - Hello?
- Hello, Mum.Copy !req
853. Hello, darling.
How are you?Copy !req
854. - I'm fine. Are you busy?
- Yes. I 717 making 56 pap/er-mache ha ts.Copy !req
855. Do you feel like playing something?
- Always, darling. The usual?Copy !req
856. - Night-night, Mum.
- N/ght-n/yhtj darling.Copy !req
857. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
858. - You play the tuba.
- No.Copy !req
859. I used to.
I do, but not know.Copy !req
860. I mean, I was before you arrived.
I did.Copy !req
861. I've forgotten something.
Just a minute.Copy !req
862. Ready!Copy !req
863. - Are you all right?
- Oh, yeah. I'm fine.Copy !req
864. I'm just going out too much.
I shouldn't be going out tonight.Copy !req
865. Do you know how the feeling is
when you go out too much.Copy !req
866. - You feel like you never stay home.
- Are you upset about last night?Copy !req
867. No, not at all.
I think I understand it.Copy !req
868. My car started moving, and 10 minutes
later, your tongue was in my mouth.Copy !req
869. That wasn't my tongue.
That was a lozenge.Copy !req
870. My mouth shouldn't be accepting
other people's lozenges right now.Copy !req
871. You're a passionate person.
You just keep denying it.Copy !req
872. You're covering up.
Why don't you relax and give in to it?Copy !req
873. - Well, you don't.
- What?Copy !req
874. I can hardly contain myself
when I'm around you.Copy !req
875. I'm practically tap-dancing
every time I see you.Copy !req
876. Well, yes, that's the trouble.Copy !req
877. You're roller-skating, you're amusing
yourself, your friends, and me.Copy !req
878. - It's just a lot of noise, isn't it?
- What do you mean?Copy !req
879. We all have ways of preventing
ourselves from getting hurt.Copy !req
880. - That's just yours.
- Are you saying we should forget it?Copy !req
881. - If that's what you want, fine.
- Fine.Copy !req
882. - Full service or self service, Harris?
- Full service, Tony.Copy !req
883. Full service!Copy !req
884. And I knew
it was a great project.Copy !req
885. If the city were willing to
partially finance my private museum...Copy !req
886. it would be a great bonus
for the people.Copy !req
887. And so, I met with Ron.Copy !req
888. Ron...Copy !req
889. I toast you.Copy !req
890. Are you all right?Copy !req
891. I just feel a little dizzy.Copy !req
892. What's the matter?Copy !req
893. I should get some air.
I just feel nauseous.Copy !req
894. I'll take him outside.Copy !req
895. And Ron felt like I did.Copy !req
896. - What's the matter?
- I don't know.Copy !req
897. Something in my stomach, or my head,
or my heart, or something.Copy !req
898. Is there anything I can do?Copy !req
899. Oh, no. I can't.
This is how Mummy met Daddy.Copy !req
900. Let your mind go,
and your body will follow.Copy !req
901. And now, let us all move forward
with great enthusiasm...Copy !req
902. to build the greatest
private museum in the world.Copy !req
903. - Are you feeling any better?
- Much better, thank you.Copy !req
904. Yes, thanks.Copy !req
905. We didn't know what to say to each other,
so we wandered down Melrose...Copy !req
906. and had the kind of
small-talk conversation...Copy !req
907. necessary to cover over
what had just happened.Copy !req
908. The station wants me back.
They want to try serious news...Copy !req
909. - Oh, yeah?
- With me as the anchor.Copy !req
910. No laughing or chit-chat about it.
I'm kinda nervous about it.Copy !req
911. So there I was, jabbering at her about
my new job as a serious newsman...Copy !req
912. about anything at all...Copy !req
913. but all I could think was wonderful,
wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful...Copy !req
914. and most wonderful,
and yet again, wonderful.Copy !req
915. Hey!Copy !req
916. Who wrote
the Tonight Show theme?Copy !req
917. - Uh, Paul Anka.
- Yes!Copy !req
918. - Oh, God.
- Where are we staying when we get there?Copy !req
919. I just...
Don't bounce for a second.Copy !req
920. I just came to tell you this.
I can't go away with you.Copy !req
921. I just can't.Copy !req
922. - Shit.
- I've been seeing someone.Copy !req
923. And we got something going,
I don't know what...Copy !req
924. but it just really wouldn't be right
for me to go away with you.Copy !req
925. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
926. Well. So, you're seeing her
this weekend?Copy !req
927. No. She's got this obligation
to her ex-husband...Copy !req
928. to see if they can
get it back together again.Copy !req
929. - What? She's seeing someone else?
- Yes! She's going away with him! Yes!Copy !req
930. God...!
Share how that makes you feel.Copy !req
931. Share? Share how it makes me feel?
I hate it! It drives me crazy!Copy !req
932. I mean, how can she go away with him?
Especially since I've been working out!Copy !req
933. Look at this,
the effort I put into it!Copy !req
934. But it is fair.
I mean, it is fair...Copy !req
935. because she had this obligation
before we even met.Copy !req
936. But you had this obligation
before you fell for her.Copy !req
937. Why should you suffer
all weekend?Copy !req
938. No. Just no.
- So go away with me.Copy !req
939. I can't, don't you see?
I'd just be using you...Copy !req
940. to get even with her
for going away with him.Copy !req
941. - I don't mind.
- Let's go.Copy !req
942. Great!Copy !req
943. All right. We should be
in Santa Barbara in 11/2 hours.Copy !req
944. I booked us into
the El Pollo del Mar.Copy !req
945. - It's supposed to be really nice.
- Oh, my God! It's so beautiful there.Copy !req
946. - Wave to Jack. Bye!
- Bye!Copy !req
947. Oh, my God,
there's a million stars there!Copy !req
948. And the beach...
I want to spin on the beach.Copy !req
949. They have a special beach up there
just for spinning.Copy !req
950. And SanDeE, I think
it should just be a vacation.Copy !req
951. Just friends.
I don't think we should make love.Copy !req
952. Okay. We'll just have sex.Copy !req
953. Qkay...Copy !req
954. What was
Sam Spade's partner's name?Copy !req
955. - Archer.
- Yes!Copy !req
956. I thought we might bump into
people we know at the San Isidro.Copy !req
957. So I booked us into
the El Pollo del Mar.Copy !req
958. I'm so looking forward to this.Copy !req
959. Me, too.Copy !req
960. Okay.
Who knew Groucho's secret word?Copy !req
961. Groucho's secret word.
Oh, God... I give up.Copy !req
962. - The duck?
- The duck! The duck knew!Copy !req
963. "Say the secret word
and divide $100."Copy !req
964. So when the Wittgenstein House
was built in Austria one could say...Copy !req
965. that philosophy of language
had definitely hit the Bauhaus.Copy !req
966. - Don't you think?
- I saw the house a couple of years ago.Copy !req
967. Okay.
Who played the Beav?Copy !req
968. - Jerry Mathers.
- Yes!Copy !req
969. "O wind, if winter comes,
can spring be far behind?"Copy !req
970. Beautiful.Copy !req
971. Who was Howdy Doody's
closest friend?Copy !req
972. Buffalo Bob.Copy !req
973. Yes! Good!Copy !req
974. This is great!
Do they have a pool here?Copy !req
975. Yes, they do have a pool.
You have a pool?Copy !req
976. There is a pool right there.Copy !req
977. I love this place!Copy !req
978. Oh, my God!
Isn't this breeze the greatest?Copy !req
979. It really feels great.Copy !req
980. Oh, I love hotel sheets!Copy !req
981. They feel so good
against your bare skin.Copy !req
982. I'll put your bag in here.Copy !req
983. Come here first.Copy !req
984. Thanks.Copy !req
985. Come here again.Copy !req
986. Sandee, your breasts feel weird.Copy !req
987. Oh, that's because they're real.Copy !req
988. Let me get this shoe off.
Oh, my God!Copy !req
989. - All right now. I should warn you that...
- What?Copy !req
990. I'm old, and it might
take a little while.Copy !req
991. Oh, my God, I'm young again!Copy !req
992. I'm young again!Copy !req
993. - It's been great to see you again, Sara.
- It's been nice seeing you, too.Copy !req
994. How are you?Copy !req
995. Oh, well... I'm confused.Copy !req
996. Hey...Copy !req
997. - listen to this.
- What?Copy !req
998. Listen.Copy !req
999. - Oh, my God... Oh, my God...
- Oh, Roland.Copy !req
1000. No, no, no.
Listen, listen.Copy !req
1001. What on Earth are they
doing in there?Copy !req
1002. Oh, God.
They're going crazy.Copy !req
1003. Sara...Copy !req
1004. Before we left, Jack told me he wants
to make our relationship exclusive again.Copy !req
1005. You mean, he's not going
to go out anymore?Copy !req
1006. I don't think he ever did.
He could never get a date.Copy !req
1007. Seeing me going out
drove him nuts, too.Copy !req
1008. - What are you going to do?
- I don't know.Copy !req
1009. I mean, I really like him,
even though he's not so smart.Copy !req
1010. - Listen.
- What?Copy !req
1011. Through the wall.Copy !req
1012. - What is it?
- Somebody's doing it.Copy !req
1013. Oh, how beautiful.Copy !req
1014. They're really excited.
They must be cheating on someone.Copy !req
1015. The key.Copy !req
1016. Oh, my God, I don't believe it.Copy !req
1017. - Are you staying here?
- Yes, we are.Copy !req
1018. Well, Sara, there goes our cover.
There's no such thing as a secret.Copy !req
1019. I think there is.Copy !req
1020. Oh, uh, Roland, this is SanDeE.Copy !req
1021. - Hi.
- SanDeE, this is Roland.Copy !req
1022. - Hello.
- Ancl Sara.Copy !req
1023. - Hi.
- Where are you headed?Copy !req
1024. - To the restaurant.
- That's where we were going.Copy !req
1025. - Why don't you join us?
- Oh, that would be neat.Copy !req
1026. - No, no, really, you guys should be alone.
- Don't be silly.Copy !req
1027. We can't both sit in the same restaurant
and pretend to be alone. Come on.Copy !req
1028. Oh, cool!Copy !req
1029. - Hello.Copy !req
1030. What's that clanging sound?Copy !req
1031. It's a nuisance.
It's my damn testicles.Copy !req
1032. - Is it okay to spin here?
- Yeah. Sure.Copy !req
1033. Shall I get your sweater?
I'm a little cold.Copy !req
1034. - Yes, thanks.
- I'll run up and get it.Copy !req
1035. - Harris, do you want to come with me?
- Oh, yeah. Sure. Yeah.Copy !req
1036. On second thought,
I'll just stay here.Copy !req
1037. Back in a flash!Copy !req
1038. You liar.
You big, fat liar!Copy !req
1039. Here I am innocently driving up
to Santa Barbara...Copy !req
1040. thinking you're seeing
your ex-husband.Copy !req
1041. Instead, you're right next door
giving it to my best friend!Copy !req
1042. Your best friend?
Since when is Roland your best friend?Copy !req
1043. - He and I are very close!
- You've never seen him without me!Copy !req
1044. That doesn't matter!
There's a bond among men!Copy !req
1045. - Anyway, there's two liars here.
- Yeah? Roland is my ex-husband.Copy !req
1046. Okay. One!
" Hey, yvu guys! Watch!"Copy !req
1047. - Great!
- Thank you.Copy !req
1048. Why didn't you tell me
you just broke up with someone?Copy !req
1049. How do you know I just
broke up with someone?Copy !req
1050. When men just break up
with someone...Copy !req
1051. they always run around
with someone much too young for them!Copy !req
1052. She's not so young.
She'll be 27 in 4 years.Copy !req
1053. I tried to get out of it.
I'm up here with her...Copy !req
1054. - but all I can think about is you.
- That's why you made love this afternoon!Copy !req
1055. Yes!Copy !req
1056. I know that doesn't
make a lot of sense.Copy !req
1057. And why me in this?
You practically broke through our wall!Copy !req
1058. You know how that made me feel?
Hearing you with someone else?Copy !req
1059. You didn't know it was me
'til later.Copy !req
1060. Yeah, but I projected back
when I found out!Copy !req
1061. Coming!Copy !req
1062. We're so close.
We're this close to it!Copy !req
1063. Stay here in L.A.Copy !req
1064. What would I do if I stayed?
How would it work?Copy !req
1065. We'd see each other,
not push it...Copy !req
1066. take it easy the first couple of clays,
and then...Copy !req
1067. marriage, kids, old age, and death,
I don't know.Copy !req
1068. And if I were to go?Copy !req
1069. All I know is, on the clay your plane
was to leave, if I had the power...Copy !req
1070. I would turn the winds around...Copy !req
1071. I would roll in the fog,
bring in storms...Copy !req
1072. I would change the polarity of the Earth
so compasses couldn't work...Copy !req
1073. so your plane couldn't take off.Copy !req
1074. Coming!Copy !req
1075. This is everything I didn't want.Copy !req
1076. Pain... lying...Copy !req
1077. complications.Copy !req
1078. I'm hot from running now.Copy !req
1079. - Let's all walk down the pier.
- Oh, cool!Copy !req
1080. Do you ever wonder why the water
just doesn't fly up into the sky?Copy !req
1081. - Do you want this in the trunk or up front?
- That? Up front.Copy !req
1082. - Hi!
- Hello.Copy !req
1083. - What's the matter? Are you okay?
- Oh, sorry. I'm okay.Copy !req
1084. I've been working on Sara
to come back with me.Copy !req
1085. I'm her ex-husband.Copy !req
1086. That's the difference
between England and America.Copy !req
1087. The English maintain
civil relationships with their exes.Copy !req
1088. Americans kill them.Copy !req
1089. She told me today
she doesn't think it's right.Copy !req
1090. Really?Copy !req
1091. She's evidently been
seeing some American.Copy !req
1092. - Yeah. That can happen, yeah.
- She's not going with him, either.Copy !req
1093. She decided to go back
to London as soon as she can.Copy !req
1094. Pity.Copy !req
1095. I so wanted this to work out.Copy !req
1096. I wanted a relationship,
you know...Copy !req
1097. like you and SanDeE have.Copy !req
1098. I've been thinking about myself...Copy !req
1099. and think I can become the kind of person
that's worth you staying for.Copy !req
1100. First of all,
I'm a man who can cry.Copy !req
1101. It's true, it's usually when
I've hurt myself, but it's a start.Copy !req
1102. I know there's something
that would make you stay.Copy !req
1103. I know there's some move
I can make, the right word...Copy !req
1104. attitude, plan,
but these are all just tricks.Copy !req
1105. These are all just things
I would think up and try...Copy !req
1106. so let's forego that!Copy !req
1107. Let's assume that whatever that thing is
that would make you stay has occured...Copy !req
1108. that it has happened and my hand
has already gone down your throat...Copy !req
1109. grabbed your heart,
and squoze it!Copy !req
1110. Because there comes a time in
everyone's life when it's now or never.Copy !req
1111. It's now or never.
Let me read you from this book of poems.Copy !req
1112. "O pointy birds,
O pointy, pointy..."Copy !req
1113. And now here's Morris Frost
with a cinema review.Copy !req
1114. The film "Slice Up Mommy"...Copy !req
1115. is an effort to intertwine
the psychological nature of film...Copy !req
1116. I'd like to turn this car in,
please.Copy !req
1117. And now, the weather report.Copy !req
1118. Sunny.Copy !req
1119. 72.Copy !req
1120. And that's the weather.Copy !req
1121. Our next weather report
will be in four days.Copy !req
1122. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
1123. We'll be right back
after this commercial ad placement.Copy !req
1124. Why is it that we don't always
recognize the moment when love begins...Copy !req
1125. but we always know when it ends?Copy !req
1126. Good evening.Copy !req
1127. Your final destination
is London?Copy !req
1128. That's twice.Copy !req
1129. Forget for this moment
the smog, and the cars...Copy !req
1130. and the restaurants,
and the skating...Copy !req
1131. and remember only this...Copy !req
1132. A kiss may not be the truth,
but it is what we wish were true.Copy !req
1133. Wow! That was something!
That was really something!Copy !req
1134. It was fantastic!Copy !req
1135. - It was...
- It had real class.Copy !req
1136. Is there anything we can do to thank you?
I mean, a gift or anything?Copy !req
1137. Name it.Copy !req
1138. Done.Copy !req
1139. I never could figure out
the riddle, though.Copy !req
1140. "You will know what to do..."Copy !req
1141. I-'How Daddy is Doing.
when you unscrambleCopy !req
1142. - It's a riddle, too tough for me.
- I know what it is.Copy !req
1143. It's an English crossword clue.Copy !req
1144. "Unscramble" means
you rearrange the letters...Copy !req
1145. of "How Daddy is doing."
So, let's see...Copy !req
1146. Put the "S" in front of the "h".Copy !req
1147. Move the "ing" after the "s".Copy !req
1148. Put the "do" up after them.Copy !req
1149. Swap the "h" and the "s"...Copy !req
1150. and put the "I"
behind the "d" and...Copy !req
1151. "Sing D00 Wah Diddy."Copy !req
1152. Sing D00 Wah Diddy,
that's the mystery of the ages?Copy !req
1153. I sat up nights working on that!Copy !req
1154. But I forgive you.Copy !req
1155. There's one thing I need to know.Copy !req
1156. Did you do this?
Did I do this?Copy !req
1157. How did this happen?Copy !req
1158. Hey, you got your voice back!Copy !req
1159. There are only two things in my life
I will never forget.Copy !req
1160. One is that there is someone
for everyone...Copy !req
1161. even if you need a pickax, a compass,
and night goggles to find them.Copy !req
1162. And the other is tonight...Copy !req
1163. when I learned that romance does exist
deep in the heart of L.A.Copy !req