1. I'm sorry.Copy !req
2. - Oh, it's okay.
- I'm sorry, baby.Copy !req
3. - I'm sorry.
- Fucking shoulder.Copy !req
4. Keep going.Copy !req
5. That's helping.Copy !req
6. Never.Copy !req
7. Just a little bit.
Just to clean it up.Copy !req
8. I'm not cutting it.Copy !req
9. But you'd look so hot
with short hair.Copy !req
10. - Oh, would I?
- Yeah.Copy !req
11. - Thank you.
- No, no, no...Copy !req
12. Sorry, I didn't mean it
like that.Copy !req
13. You are hot.Copy !req
14. You are the hottest.Copy !req
15. - Keep going.
- You and your gorgeous,Copy !req
16. thick, long hair.Copy !req
17. - Continue...
- I just fucking love
the way it's long.Copy !req
18. Yeah?Copy !req
19. Happy Father's Day,
Daddy!Copy !req
20. Kids, we said after breakfast.Copy !req
21. I want cake for breakfast.Copy !req
22. Wow! Chocolate with sprinkles!Copy !req
23. My favorite.Copy !req
24. Happy Father's Day!Copy !req
25. - Open it! Open it! Open it!
- Open it! Open it! Open it!Copy !req
26. I am, I am.Copy !req
27. I like building up
the anticipation.Copy !req
28. Oh, you guys...Copy !req
29. - You like it?
- I love it.Copy !req
30. Muah! I love it.Copy !req
31. - Thank you.
- Mom helped us.Copy !req
32. No, I didn't.
It was all their idea.Copy !req
33. - Right, kids?
- Both: Right.Copy !req
34. - Cake! Cake! Cake!
- Cake! Cake! Cake!Copy !req
35. - Okay, okay.
- Cake! Cake! Cake!Copy !req
36. Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!Copy !req
37. Oh, look at that
beautiful looking cake!Copy !req
38. - Ah...Copy !req
39. Who did this to Monster!Copy !req
40. Oh, you can't hide
from Monster!Copy !req
41. Monster can smell you!Copy !req
42. Run! Run!
Monster's coming!Copy !req
43. Argh!Copy !req
44. Monster made kids disappear.Copy !req
45. And...Copy !req
46. Monster wanna finish
what we started.Copy !req
47. Too late, the kids are awake.Copy !req
48. Monster sad.Copy !req
49. I'm sure Monster can
wait till Monday.Copy !req
50. Monster been waiting
three weeks.Copy !req
51. Yeah, but with the kids
and my exhibitionCopy !req
52. I cannot keep everybody
happy all the time.Copy !req
53. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
54. Monster doesn't want
to start a fight.Copy !req
55. Okay. Sorry, me neither.Copy !req
56. I promise we'll finish this
as soon as I get back.Copy !req
57. Oh, Monster happy.Copy !req
58. - Monster happy.Copy !req
59. Monster very happy.Copy !req
60. Yeah, Mommy.Copy !req
61. - Gracias.
- De nada.Copy !req
62. - Everybody packed?
- Yeah.Copy !req
63. Monkey, good boy.Copy !req
64. Dad, why can't we take
Monkey to the beach with us?Copy !req
65. Yeah, you know
he loves the beach.Copy !req
66. Monkey needs to stay here
and keep your dad companyCopy !req
67. so he doesn't stay
all alone during the weekend.Copy !req
68. - That's unfair.
- Knock-knock.Copy !req
69. Hey, Louis!Copy !req
70. Hey, guys,
hot off the presses.Copy !req
71. - What's going on, Louis?
- What's shakin'?Copy !req
72. What's going on, little guys?Copy !req
73. Mr. Webber, how are you, sir?Copy !req
74. Morning, Louis.Copy !req
75. I'd offer you a hand, but all
I can lift is this coffee.Copy !req
76. Oh, that's what happens
when you try to impress girls
in the bat cage.Copy !req
77. I wasn't flirting,
I was being a gentleman.Copy !req
78. Yeah, I'm sure she was
a poor helpless 25-year-old.Copy !req
79. Yeah, helpless.Copy !req
80. Do you know what this is?Copy !req
81. Is it a Father's Day
present for Daddy?Copy !req
82. No. No, this is
Mommy's catalog.Copy !req
83. Assuming they got the color
right this time.Copy !req
84. Oh, let's hope.Copy !req
85. I think they did.Copy !req
86. It's a little bit magenta,
but it's almost perfect.Copy !req
87. - What's magenta?
- This color.Copy !req
88. Honey, it's perfect.Copy !req
89. Mom, can Louis come
to the beach with us?Copy !req
90. Yeah.Copy !req
91. No, Louis needs to stay here
and do some work.Copy !req
92. Just like your daddy.Copy !req
93. That's correct.Copy !req
94. I have to come back with all
the alcohol for the
super-secretCopy !req
95. Father's Day party
that me and your dad
are gonna have tonight.Copy !req
96. Louis! Shh!Copy !req
97. - Oh, come on.
- You're not having a party.Copy !req
98. I'm not having a party,Copy !req
99. I'm working very hard.Copy !req
100. Did you pack your gun?Copy !req
101. - Both: Yes.
- Did you pack the bomb?Copy !req
102. - Yes.
- Have you packed the cannon?Copy !req
103. - Jake: Yes.
- Have you packed the chainsaw?Copy !req
104. You didn't pack the chainsaw?Copy !req
105. Go get the chainsaw, man!Copy !req
106. The cement still hasn't dried,
but it should be fine
by tomorrow night.Copy !req
107. Okay.Copy !req
108. Still, it's extremely fragile
and I don't trust those moversCopy !req
109. after the mess
they made at the gallery.Copy !req
110. Mmm-mmm. No, I'll take
care of it. Don't worry.Copy !req
111. Okay,
Gracias, I'll have it
all packed up for you.Copy !req
112. Okay.Copy !req
113. It's almost dry though.Copy !req
114. Yeah, so I'll just text you
when it's at the gallery.Copy !req
115. Don't worry about anything,Copy !req
116. I got it all under control.
You have a good weekend
at the beach.Copy !req
117. Enjoy yourself. I'm out.Copy !req
118. Gracias, Louis.Copy !req
119. - Mr. Webber,
I'll see you tomorrow.
- Thank you.Copy !req
120. I mean, "tonight"
for the super-secret party.Copy !req
121. - Louis...
- See you, kids.Copy !req
122. - Bye, Louis.
- Super-secret party?Copy !req
123. - Super-secret party.
- Okay.Copy !req
124. Is this the last one?Copy !req
125. - You like it?
- I love it.Copy !req
126. Good.Copy !req
127. I think it should be bigger.Copy !req
128. - You think so?
- Yeah, then we can
get the pool.Copy !req
129. Okay, I'll do it
bigger next time.Copy !req
130. I told Vivian tomorrow
at 2:00.Copy !req
131. I don't need her therapy
anymore, it's healing.Copy !req
132. Tell that to your shoulder.Copy !req
133. Dad, are you sure
you can't come to the
beach with us?Copy !req
134. I would love
nothing more, sport.Copy !req
135. But if Daddy doesn't work
this weekend, we'll have
to live in a box.Copy !req
136. Do you guys
want to live in a box?Copy !req
137. - No.
- No. Not really.Copy !req
138. Me neither.
Unless I designed it.Copy !req
139. Okay, say goodbye to Daddy.Copy !req
140. Bye, Daddy.Copy !req
141. Say goodbye to Monkey.Copy !req
142. Bye, Monkey.Copy !req
143. Daddy, don't forget to send
all your party pix
on Instagram.Copy !req
144. Okay.Copy !req
145. Call me when you get there.Copy !req
146. I will. I love you.Copy !req
147. - I love you.
- I love you.Copy !req
148. Bye, guys.Copy !req
149. - Bye.
- Bye, Daddy.Copy !req
150. Get a haircut, Dad!Copy !req
151. Well, Monkey...Copy !req
152. Looks like it's just me
and you, kid.Copy !req
153. Hey, baby.Copy !req
154. How's the house?Copy !req
155. Hi! It's perfect.Copy !req
156. Look. Kids, say hello
to your dad.Copy !req
157. - Both: Hi!
- Hello.Copy !req
158. All it needs is you.Copy !req
159. - I love you.
- I love you, too.Copy !req
160. Miss you.Copy !req
161. Good night.Copy !req
162. Who's there?Copy !req
163. Just one second,
sir, please.Copy !req
164. - Hello?
- Could I use your
phone, please?Copy !req
165. Yes?Copy !req
166. We're so sorry
to bother you, sir,Copy !req
167. but could you please tell us
where the Gregorys live?Copy !req
168. This is the third house
we've tried.Copy !req
169. Looks like everyone's gone
for the long weekend.Copy !req
170. The Gregorys?Copy !req
171. No, I don't know anyone
around hereCopy !req
172. by that name.Copy !req
173. What's the address?Copy !req
174. Um,Copy !req
175. I honestly don't know.Copy !req
176. My phone got wet
and she left hers
at her house.Copy !req
177. The taxi just dropped us here.Copy !req
178. We've been walking around
for, like, 20 minutes.Copy !req
179. Yeah, my feet are,
like, dying.Copy !req
180. Well, I'm sorry.
I'm afraid I can't help you.Copy !req
181. Bless you.Copy !req
182. Here.Copy !req
183. Thank you.Copy !req
184. Well, if you guys want
you can come in
and use my phone.Copy !req
185. Oh, thanks, but...Copy !req
186. All our contacts are on
our phones.Copy !req
187. I... I don't even know
my own number,
can you believe it?Copy !req
188. Maybe Ashley's
on Facebook chat?Copy !req
189. Ah, genius.Copy !req
190. Actually, would you mind
if we just used your
computer for a sec?Copy !req
191. We don't want to impose.Copy !req
192. We'll just get the address
and be out of your hair.Copy !req
193. Yeah. Sure.Copy !req
194. Come in.Copy !req
195. Thank you.Copy !req
196. No, it's fine. Don't worry.Copy !req
197. Oh, I don't mind.Copy !req
198. We don't want to mess up
your house.Copy !req
199. Yeah. Excuse me.Copy !req
200. Um, thank you so, so much.Copy !req
201. - I know this is so random.
- It's fine.Copy !req
202. Hang on, I'll get you
an iPad and some towels.Copy !req
203. Thanks.Copy !req
204. Nice house.Copy !req
205. Thanks.Copy !req
206. Girls?Copy !req
207. We're in here.Copy !req
208. I'm so sorry,
it was warmer here.Copy !req
209. Hope you don't mind.Copy !req
210. We were freezing.Copy !req
211. Here.Copy !req
212. Oh, my god. Thank you.Copy !req
213. This is beyond embarrassing.Copy !req
214. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
215. Make yourselves at home.Copy !req
216. I'm Bel, by the way.Copy !req
217. Evan.Copy !req
218. - Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
219. Ashley's online.Copy !req
220. Cool.Copy !req
221. You're a life saver, Evan.Copy !req
222. Not everyone would just let
two total strangers into
their house these days.Copy !req
223. Well, you don't look
that dangerous.Copy !req
224. Worst case scenario,Copy !req
225. I know I can
take the both of you.Copy !req
226. I'm not so sure.Copy !req
227. I do air boxing.Copy !req
228. - Air boxing?
- Yeah, like, you know?Copy !req
229. - Oh, okay.
- Oh, my god, I'm sorry.Copy !req
230. - Excuse me, sir.
- Yes.Copy !req
231. - What's the address?
- His name's Evan.Copy !req
232. Evan?Copy !req
233. 458 Canter.Copy !req
234. Wow. We're like, far.Copy !req
235. It was Kantner, not Canter.Copy !req
236. The cab must've
misunderstood us.Copy !req
237. I told you that he was
going the wrong way.Copy !req
238. That guy barely spoke English.Copy !req
239. I mean, his English
was worse than mine.Copy !req
240. This is so retarded.Copy !req
241. Don't worry about it.
I'll call an Uber.Copy !req
242. No. No, no, no.Copy !req
243. We can find a cab outside.
It's no problem.Copy !req
244. Not around here, you won't.Copy !req
245. Trust me,
it's the only reliable way.Copy !req
246. You sure?
I feel like such an idiot.Copy !req
247. We don't want to ruin
your night.Copy !req
248. No really. It's fine.Copy !req
249. It's looking for a driver.Copy !req
250. And it'll be here in...Copy !req
251. 45 minutes.Copy !req
252. That long?Copy !req
253. The rain.Copy !req
254. We're lucky we even got one.Copy !req
255. What?Copy !req
256. Um, I know this is gonna
sound weird,Copy !req
257. but could we maybe throw
our clothes in your dryer
just for, like, 10 minutes?Copy !req
258. We really don't want to go
to a party soaking wet.Copy !req
259. No.Copy !req
260. Please?Copy !req
261. Sure, sure. Um...Copy !req
262. We have some extra robes.
I'll, uh, go get them.Copy !req
263. - Thank you.
- Yay.Copy !req
264. This is literally
saving our lives.Copy !req
265. Yeah, we could get sick
and die.Copy !req
266. You have your phone?Copy !req
267. Uh yeah, why?Copy !req
268. I can try and fix it.Copy !req
269. Really? Oh.Copy !req
270. My kid dropped
mine in the tub,Copy !req
271. and you won't believe this,
but if you put it in riceCopy !req
272. it kinda dries it out.Copy !req
273. - That would be awesome.
- Rice?Copy !req
274. Oh, my god,
you're like a mythbuster.Copy !req
275. Thank you so much, Evan.Copy !req
276. You're welcome...Copy !req
277. - Genesis.
- Genesis.Copy !req
278. Yeah, like
the beginning of time.Copy !req
279. In the beginning.Copy !req
280. - Sorry.Copy !req
281. Yup, that was...
You're sick of that.Copy !req
282. Thanks.Copy !req
283. I'll, uh...Copy !req
284. I'll go get you some.Copy !req
285. Hey, Evan?Copy !req
286. Where should we put these?Copy !req
287. Oh, I'll take them.Copy !req
288. No, we can do it.
We don't mind.Copy !req
289. I got it.Copy !req
290. I made you some tea.Copy !req
291. - Thank you.
- Thank you, that's nice.Copy !req
292. - So sweet.
- I'll trade you.Copy !req
293. Uh, okay.Copy !req
294. Gracias.Copy !req
295. Excuse me.Copy !req
296. Oh, my god.Copy !req
297. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
298. We were trying to warm up.Copy !req
299. Yeah, I mean, we've
never seen one
of these before.Copy !req
300. - A real one.
- It's okay.Copy !req
301. Just be careful. It's old.Copy !req
302. I see you've met Monkey.Copy !req
303. Yeah, this is Monkey.Copy !req
304. It's time for Monkey
to go to bed.Copy !req
305. - Bye, Monkey.
- Night-night, Monkey.Copy !req
306. - Night-night.
- Sweet dreams.Copy !req
307. Bye, Monkey.Copy !req
308. All right, Monkey.Copy !req
309. Go home, Monkey.Copy !req
310. You have so many records.Copy !req
311. Sorry. We had to try one.Copy !req
312. Stop apologizing, it's okay.Copy !req
313. I love this album.
You have good taste.Copy !req
314. This is like...Copy !req
315. an insane collection.Copy !req
316. - Yeah.
- It must be worth
a fortune.Copy !req
317. Well, everything's
online now, so...Copy !req
318. But, uh, I love
the sound of vinyl.Copy !req
319. You're really into music.Copy !req
320. Well, it used to be my job.Copy !req
321. What? Like a record salesman?Copy !req
322. - I was a DJ.Copy !req
323. Oh, my god. That's so cool!Copy !req
324. You're like Major Lazer!Copy !req
325. It was in my 20s.Copy !req
326. It's really a hobby now,
I haven't had a real gig
in years.Copy !req
327. Wait, how old are you?Copy !req
328. I'm 43.Copy !req
329. - No fucking way.
- I can't believe you're 43.Copy !req
330. I thought you were, like,
28 or 30 at the most.Copy !req
331. Well, I got married
when I was 30.Copy !req
332. Where's your wife?Copy !req
333. She's at the beach
with my kids.Copy !req
334. We were gonna spend
Father's Day there,
but, uh, work happened.Copy !req
335. Oh, my god, you are all
alone on Father's Day.Copy !req
336. Poor Evan, we'll keep
you company!Copy !req
337. Hugs!Copy !req
338. No, it's fine.
We celebrated this morning.Copy !req
339. Whoa, you're not 43.Copy !req
340. You must work out,
like, every day.Copy !req
341. Yeah, I keep in shape.Copy !req
342. Not like when I was
in my 20s, but, uh...Copy !req
343. Come on, any guy that rippedCopy !req
344. is more into his own ass
than yours.Copy !req
345. Yeah, I mean,
like, seriously,Copy !req
346. is that all you do?Copy !req
347. Oh, my god,Copy !req
348. I remember
I fucked this model once,Copy !req
349. and while we were having sexCopy !req
350. I caught him doing
crunches in the mirror.Copy !req
351. - It was the gayest thing ever.Copy !req
352. I'd take somebody that's older
and more experienced over an
Abercrombie model any day.Copy !req
353. Yeah.Copy !req
354. Well, hopefully one day
you'll find both.Copy !req
355. I don't know.Copy !req
356. Underwear models are
the kind of guys you fuck
when you're 14.Copy !req
357. That's a statement.Copy !req
358. - This is your wife?
- Yup.Copy !req
359. I want to see it.Copy !req
360. Wow! She's so pretty.Copy !req
361. She's beautiful.
You're a lucky guy.Copy !req
362. Yeah, I certainly am.Copy !req
363. I'm just an architect,
but, uh,Copy !req
364. she's the real deal.Copy !req
365. Most of what you see is hers.Copy !req
366. - She made all these?
- Yeah.Copy !req
367. Wow.Copy !req
368. They're so pretty.Copy !req
369. I love these colors.Copy !req
370. Red's my favorite.Copy !req
371. This is amazing.Copy !req
372. I actually
studied art history.Copy !req
373. I'm no expert, I was only
there for a semester, but,Copy !req
374. this...Copy !req
375. This is like a Gaudi building,
but small.Copy !req
376. Yeah, my wife loves Gaudi.Copy !req
377. She was, uh,
she was born in Barcelona.Copy !req
378. Like me?Copy !req
379. English, English.
You guys sound too sexy.Copy !req
380. That's about the extent
of my Spanish anyway.Copy !req
381. My kids speak it perfectly.Copy !req
382. Your wife's an amazing artist.Copy !req
383. Why are these sculptures here?Copy !req
384. They should be in like, MOMA.Copy !req
385. Actually, um...Copy !req
386. It's not exactly MOMA...Copy !req
387. But she's having a big
gallery show in LA.Copy !req
388. Karen Alvarado.
That's such a pretty name.Copy !req
389. An architect and an artist.Copy !req
390. You guys
are like the perfect couple.Copy !req
391. And she's so hot.Copy !req
392. You must have sex,
like, all day.Copy !req
393. - Bel!
- What?Copy !req
394. I would.Copy !req
395. That's Belly for you.Copy !req
396. She sees a hot girl
and chases after her.Copy !req
397. Well, it's okay.
I have no complaints.Copy !req
398. Sorry, I was just being
honest.Copy !req
399. No, no. It's fine.Copy !req
400. Um, but, uh...Copy !req
401. I must sayCopy !req
402. I'm not used to girls just
being so open about that.Copy !req
403. About what?Copy !req
404. Sex?Copy !req
405. No, I mean... Yes.Copy !req
406. - Yeah.
- Yes.Copy !req
407. It's just sex.Copy !req
408. Right.Copy !req
409. Now you seem old.Copy !req
410. Sorry. So sorry.Copy !req
411. Twenty minutes away.Copy !req
412. How long have you
and your wife been together?Copy !req
413. I was 29 and she was 20.Copy !req
414. It's been awhile.Copy !req
415. So you haven't been
with anyone else in
all those years?Copy !req
416. Fourteen years, nope.Copy !req
417. Wow.Copy !req
418. How is that even possible?Copy !req
419. Well, when you love someone...Copy !req
420. Come on, Evan.Copy !req
421. Humans are the only species
that practice monogamy.Copy !req
422. I mean, we're animals.
We're more animals
than animals.Copy !req
423. It's in our DNA.Copy !req
424. Like, being with one person
your whole life,Copy !req
425. is going against
your own nature.Copy !req
426. Look.Copy !req
427. It's like this.Copy !req
428. I understand men.Copy !req
429. I know whenever I get married,Copy !req
430. my husband is
gonna want to be
with other girls.Copy !req
431. So, I want to get comfortable
with having threesomes now,Copy !req
432. because I know
that's the only way
he'll never cheat on me.Copy !req
433. Wow.Copy !req
434. So, are you guys...
What do you guys do?Copy !req
435. I mean, are you...
are you in school
or something?Copy !req
436. I mean...Copy !req
437. Actually,
we're flight attendants.Copy !req
438. Really?Copy !req
439. What would you like
for your entree, sir?Copy !req
440. We have chicken...Copy !req
441. And pasta.Copy !req
442. Please buckle
your seatbelt, sir.Copy !req
443. We may be encountering
some turbulence.Copy !req
444. So...Copy !req
445. Where you guys based out of?Copy !req
446. Everywhere.Copy !req
447. Last weekend we were in
New Zealand for 24 hours.Copy !req
448. It was awesome.Copy !req
449. Wow, how was that jet lag?Copy !req
450. We don't sleep.Copy !req
451. It's like being
a fake rock star.Copy !req
452. You know, you fly
around the world first class,Copy !req
453. drinks are on the house
and they pay you for it.Copy !req
454. I'm jealous.Copy !req
455. I once got offered a tour
when I was a DJ.Copy !req
456. Not like you guys, but, uh,
tri-state area.Copy !req
457. Yeah, well, I think traveling
is the best way
to get life experience.Copy !req
458. Especially when you're
only there for 24 hours.Copy !req
459. You really make
the most of it.Copy !req
460. Yeah, we make the most of it.Copy !req
461. Unlike that fucking
starfish we work with. Ugh.Copy !req
462. Ugh, starfish.Copy !req
463. - Starfish?
- this girl we work with...Copy !req
464. She doesn't have to do
anything in bed,Copy !req
465. she just lies there
like a fucking starfish.Copy !req
466. Hence, starfish.Copy !req
467. I mean,
who'd want to fuck that?Copy !req
468. - Bel: I don't understand
girls like that.Copy !req
469. When I'm with a guy,
I want him to have
the time of his life.Copy !req
470. - No rules.
- None.Copy !req
471. Nothing's off limit, sexually.Copy !req
472. Sex with boundaries
isn't really sex.Copy !req
473. If our bodies are capable
of doing it,Copy !req
474. then we were meant to. Right?Copy !req
475. Oh, Evan?
Can I use your bathroom?Copy !req
476. Of course. It's, uh, down
the hall on the right.Copy !req
477. Thanks.Copy !req
478. I don't know any of these.Copy !req
479. Well, I have pretty
eclectic taste.Copy !req
480. You have Spanish music.Copy !req
481. Chilean, actually.Copy !req
482. My wife loves her,
Fran Valenzuela.Copy !req
483. Can you put it on?Copy !req
484. Sure.Copy !req
485. She's really talented.Copy !req
486. She started composing
when she was 13.Copy !req
487. This is her third album.Copy !req
488. Wow!Copy !req
489. How did you know
that would mix?Copy !req
490. DJ'ing is like mixing
a drink.Copy !req
491. First you find
the right ingredients,Copy !req
492. then you find the blend.Copy !req
493. Evan, I have something
to confess.Copy !req
494. Yes?Copy !req
495. I'm glad we knocked
on your door.Copy !req
496. I'm having a way better
time hereCopy !req
497. then at that
stupid party we were
supposed to go to.Copy !req
498. Well, I have to confess,
it's not usually this
exciting around hereCopy !req
499. at 1:30 in the morning.Copy !req
500. It's like destiny
that we were meant to meet.Copy !req
501. Do you believe
in destiny, Evan?Copy !req
502. I'm an architect.Copy !req
503. So obviously I believe
that things happen
by your own design.Copy !req
504. Well, I do.Copy !req
505. I don't think
people just meet randomly.Copy !req
506. I think that
if we are here, together,Copy !req
507. it's becauseCopy !req
508. there's something we have to
learn from each other.Copy !req
509. Discover.Copy !req
510. It's here.Copy !req
511. I'll go get Genesis.Copy !req
512. I'll get your clothes.Copy !req
513. What the fuck!Copy !req
514. Guys!Copy !req
515. Guys, the car's outside.Copy !req
516. Guys, I have your clothes,
they're pretty much dry.Copy !req
517. - Guys!Copy !req
518. All right, I'm coming in,Copy !req
519. I'm not looking, so excuse me.Copy !req
520. - Surprise!
- Surprise!Copy !req
521. What the fuck are you doing?Copy !req
522. - Come on, Evan. Join us.
- Yeah, join the party.Copy !req
523. - Come here.
- The car's outside.Copy !req
524. The car can wait. Come on.Copy !req
525. I'm gonna tell the driver
that you're coming out.Copy !req
526. Get dressed. Now.Copy !req
527. Please. Here's your clothes.Copy !req
528. Evan. Look at us.Copy !req
529. Come on...Copy !req
530. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop. Stop. Stop.Copy !req
531. I can't do this.
I'm married.Copy !req
532. Happily. Okay?Copy !req
533. Yes. You can.Copy !req
534. Hey, it's our little secret.Copy !req
535. Whoa, stop. Stop.Copy !req
536. It's just sex.
We're all adults here.Copy !req
537. I'm flattered.Copy !req
538. But really, I can't.
Please, get dressed.Copy !req
539. - Yeah, you can.Copy !req
540. Come on, just one day.Copy !req
541. Just relax and enjoy it.Copy !req
542. You like this?Copy !req
543. Have you ever had two girls
do this to you before?Copy !req
544. - Happy Father's Day!
- Happy Father's Day!Copy !req
545. announcer on TV:
It's time for the Family Feud!Copy !req
546. Introducing the Levy Family!Copy !req
547. - Morning, Daddy.
- Evan! Evan!Copy !req
548. Watch this!Copy !req
549. Belly! Belly! Catch! Catch!Copy !req
550. - Sorry, Belly.Copy !req
551. I thought you guys left.Copy !req
552. - We made you breakky.
- I'm not hungry.Copy !req
553. Monkey, that's mine.Copy !req
554. And the star of Family Feud,
Richard Dawson!Copy !req
555. You two live together?Copy !req
556. Yeah.Copy !req
557. Where?Copy !req
558. Why, Evan?Copy !req
559. So I can drive you there.Copy !req
560. I haven't been home
in like four years.Copy !req
561. This could be our home.Copy !req
562. I'll drive you
wherever you want.Copy !req
563. Did I say something funny?Copy !req
564. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
565. I want to go to Paris, Evan.Copy !req
566. No, let's go to Tokyo.Copy !req
567. - London.Copy !req
568. - Rome.Copy !req
569. Don't let your
breakky get cold.Copy !req
570. Hey, baby.Copy !req
571. Hey, you're alive.Copy !req
572. Yeah, ah, barely.Copy !req
573. I forgot how strong
Vanessa's weed was.Copy !req
574. I just woke up.Copy !req
575. You are such a lightweight.Copy !req
576. - How are the kids?
- Not so good.Copy !req
577. - What happened?
- Both: Evan!Copy !req
578. Jake got stung by a jellyfish.
He was crying.Copy !req
579. - Oh, no!
- Yeah.Copy !req
580. Poor little guy.Copy !req
581. - He's okay now.
- Where is he?Copy !req
582. He's back at the beach.Copy !req
583. It was a little bit hairy
for a while,Copy !req
584. but now he's okay.Copy !req
585. What about you?
How's your project?Copy !req
586. Great. Great. Great.Copy !req
587. Uh, I'm in a really good
groove now,Copy !req
588. so, home stretch.Copy !req
589. Okay, then don't let me
interrupt you.Copy !req
590. Let's talk later.
You seem a little distracted.Copy !req
591. No. That's not what I meant.Copy !req
592. It's just...Copy !req
593. I just want to finishCopy !req
594. so I don't have to think
about it, you know?Copy !req
595. Maybe if I get done early,
I can,Copy !req
596. I can drive out there.Copy !req
597. Baby, I get it. Don't stress.Copy !req
598. Do what you have to do.Copy !req
599. - I love you.
- Love you, too.Copy !req
600. Don't smoke all our weed.Copy !req
601. I won't. I promise.Copy !req
602. - Bye.
- Ciao.Copy !req
603. Shit! Shit! Shit!Copy !req
604. Are you hungry now?Copy !req
605. Get up! And get dressed!Copy !req
606. Right now!Copy !req
607. Excuse me, sir.
Can you tell me where Evan is?Copy !req
608. You know, that sweet guy that
saved two girls from the rain?Copy !req
609. He's gone. Get the fuck up.Copy !req
610. Let's go.Copy !req
611. I don't appreciate
your tone of voice.Copy !req
612. Go!Copy !req
613. Come on, Belly. Looks like
Evan lost his sense of humor.Copy !req
614. - Go!Copy !req
615. Hello!Copy !req
616. Let's go!Copy !req
617. Where's Bel?Copy !req
618. I don't know,
she's not my friend.Copy !req
619. Bel!Copy !req
620. Bel!Copy !req
621. Bel?Copy !req
622. - What the fuck are you doing?Copy !req
623. You tell us to get dressed.Copy !req
624. Come on. Playtime's over.Copy !req
625. Evan, can you hold me?Copy !req
626. Please, just once more.Copy !req
627. - Please, I miss your hugs.
- Bel. Listen to me.Copy !req
628. You're leaving. Now.Copy !req
629. Get dressed.Copy !req
630. - I love you.
- Bel...Copy !req
631. - I love you.
- No!Copy !req
632. I love you so much.Copy !req
633. God damn it! Fuck!Copy !req
634. I love you. I can't help it.Copy !req
635. I'm crazy about you.Copy !req
636. You have three minutes!Copy !req
637. I'll be outside!Copy !req
638. Get dressed!Copy !req
639. Let's go!Copy !req
640. What in the fuck
are you doing!Copy !req
641. You have any idea
what you've done?Copy !req
642. Yeah. It's called art.Copy !req
643. We were inspired
from last night. Remember?Copy !req
644. I'm calling
the fucking police.Copy !req
645. - Go ahead.Copy !req
646. What the fuck is so funny!Copy !req
647. I just have
a funny story for them.Copy !req
648. It's called
"To Catch a Predator."Copy !req
649. What the fuck are you
talking about?Copy !req
650. Fifteen to 20 years?Copy !req
651. I think it is 20.Copy !req
652. Fifteen gets you 20, right?Copy !req
653. - I don't believe it.
- You don't have to.Copy !req
654. The jury will.Copy !req
655. Statutory rape, Evan.Copy !req
656. Twenty years behind bars.Copy !req
657. And that's just for one of us.Copy !req
658. And I'm not planning
on taking a shower.Copy !req
659. I have evidence.Copy !req
660. Really?Copy !req
661. So how could you be a flight
attendant if you're only 15?Copy !req
662. What the fuck! What?Copy !req
663. We saw that in a movie, Evan.Copy !req
664. I told you he'd believe it.Copy !req
665. Do you want to check my ID?Copy !req
666. She doesn't have one,
she's too young.Copy !req
667. Okay.Copy !req
668. What do you want?Copy !req
669. We want to make breakky
for you every morning.Copy !req
670. Come on.Copy !req
671. Just tell me.
How much do you want?Copy !req
672. Don't be mad, Evan.Copy !req
673. That's not you.Copy !req
674. - You're different
from the others.
- Yeah.Copy !req
675. How much!Copy !req
676. What do you think we are,
hookers?Copy !req
677. Jesus, Evan,
we're not fucking whores!Copy !req
678. Yeah.Copy !req
679. You're the fucking whore!Copy !req
680. Whore!Copy !req
681. - Vivian: Evan?Copy !req
682. It's Vivian!Copy !req
683. Do not move!Copy !req
684. Evan!Copy !req
685. Evan, I'm so sorry I'm late,Copy !req
686. but that storm blew
branches out all over town.Copy !req
687. It even knocked
two traffic lights out.Copy !req
688. I swear, I swear I was sitting
there for 15 minutesCopy !req
689. and I was trying to navigate,
but there was repair trucks.Copy !req
690. It's fine. It's fine.Copy !req
691. Actually, I'm feeling
much better.Copy !req
692. Oh, then that's really goodCopy !req
693. because then this'll help.Copy !req
694. I'll give you
a relaxation massage,Copy !req
695. it'll help circulate.Copy !req
696. Actually... Karen should have
told you,Copy !req
697. I have a lot of work to do
this weekend.Copy !req
698. I love Karen. I love her
so much, how is she?Copy !req
699. She is so talented.Copy !req
700. I cannot wait
to see her exhibition.Copy !req
701. In fact, you know what?Copy !req
702. Jim and I are going
to drive up for the openingCopy !req
703. if I can get out
of that conferenceCopy !req
704. I have in Sonoma
with those massage therapists.Copy !req
705. You know how that can be.Copy !req
706. He doesn't want your massage.Copy !req
707. Do you, baby?Copy !req
708. Get back inside.Copy !req
709. Don't let me get cold.Copy !req
710. This is really upsetting,
okay?Copy !req
711. I'm here to heal,Copy !req
712. but this is really...
This is upsetting!Copy !req
713. - It's upsetting!
- It's not what you think.Copy !req
714. No, no.
It's exactly what I think!Copy !req
715. But you know what?
It's your life.Copy !req
716. - Vivian, please.
- I... Don't.Copy !req
717. It's your relationship, Evan.Copy !req
718. Look, I'm a DJ like Evan!Copy !req
719. Why didn't you let
your girlfriend in?Copy !req
720. Are you ashamed of us?
Or are you fucking her, too?Copy !req
721. - Get out of my house!
- Be careful,Copy !req
722. these two cute little girls
can put you behind barsCopy !req
723. - for the rest of your life!
- Get out of my house!Copy !req
724. What would your client say?
Your neighbors?Copy !req
725. What would your wife say
if we told her everything
we did last night?Copy !req
726. Get out!Copy !req
727. It's gonna be such a shame
to see your wife divorce you!Copy !req
728. And your business ruinedCopy !req
729. over a single night
of perversion!Copy !req
730. You wanna go door-to-door
telling your neighborsCopy !req
731. you're a child molester?Copy !req
732. What would the other
parents do?Copy !req
733. Let their kids play here if
you're a convicted pedophile?Copy !req
734. There's Evan!Copy !req
735. There's Evan!Copy !req
736. I didn't think
you had it in you.Copy !req
737. 911, what's your emergency?Copy !req
738. I'd like to report a break-in.Copy !req
739. You're calling from 458...Copy !req
740. Can you give us a ride?Copy !req
741. Let's go.Copy !req
742. Well, this isn't
awkward at all.Copy !req
743. Cool car, Evan.Copy !req
744. This one on the right.Copy !req
745. Out.Copy !req
746. You're not gonna get out
and say bye?Copy !req
747. Go.Copy !req
748. Don't you want to come in
and meet my mom?Copy !req
749. - Oh!
- Bye!Copy !req
750. Send our love
to Karen and the kids!Copy !req
751. Bye!Copy !req
752. Hello?Copy !req
753. Oh, my god!Copy !req
754. Oh!Copy !req
755. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
756. Genesis, please,
this is crazy, untie me!Copy !req
757. What's the point of this?Copy !req
758. I'm a good person.Copy !req
759. I made a mistake.Copy !req
760. We can forget
this ever happened.Copy !req
761. Please! Please!Copy !req
762. Haven't you ever made
a mistake?Copy !req
763. Daddy!Copy !req
764. Oh, Daddy!Copy !req
765. Look what I found.Copy !req
766. Oh, my god!Copy !req
767. You take that off.Copy !req
768. That's my daughter's.
You take that off!Copy !req
769. You like how it fits me,
Daddy?Copy !req
770. - Look.
- Take those off,Copy !req
771. you fucking crazy bitch!Copy !req
772. Okay.Copy !req
773. You know,
every girl's first loveCopy !req
774. is their daddy, huh?Copy !req
775. You're sick.Copy !req
776. You like what you see?Copy !req
777. Huh?
You like what you see?Copy !req
778. Daddy?Copy !req
779. - Huh?
- No.Copy !req
780. Bel.Copy !req
781. Untie me.Copy !req
782. Untie me, please.Copy !req
783. If you really love me,Copy !req
784. untie me.Copy !req
785. Ignore that asshole.Copy !req
786. He's not an asshole.Copy !req
787. He's my Daddy.Copy !req
788. You don't listen to her,
Daddy.Copy !req
789. She doesn't love you
the way I do.Copy !req
790. I love you, Daddy.Copy !req
791. I've loved you ever since
Mommy brought you home.Copy !req
792. Remember that night
when we were all aloneCopy !req
793. and you snuck into my room?Copy !req
794. And I pretended to be asleep.Copy !req
795. But when you took off
my clothes,Copy !req
796. I couldn't pretend any longer.Copy !req
797. We did things
you and Mommy never did.Copy !req
798. I hope you're not angry
at me anymore, Daddy.Copy !req
799. I only did that to MommyCopy !req
800. because I wanted you
all to myself.Copy !req
801. Bel, Bel, untie me, please?Copy !req
802. Please.Copy !req
803. You can tuck me in
like you always did.Copy !req
804. What's wrong, Daddy?Copy !req
805. Huh?Copy !req
806. Don't you want to fuck
your little girl again?Copy !req
807. Did you forget what you did
to me all those years?Copy !req
808. Why did you do that to me?Copy !req
809. Why did you do that to me!Copy !req
810. - Bel...
- Why?Copy !req
811. Stop! Bel!Copy !req
812. - Stop! Bel!Copy !req
813. Bel, stop!Copy !req
814. Why did you do that to me!Copy !req
815. Why!
Why did you do that to me!Copy !req
816. Stop! Stop!Copy !req
817. Bel! Stop, please!Copy !req
818. - Evan: Stop it! Stop it!Copy !req
819. Shh.Copy !req
820. Untie me.Copy !req
821. What the fuck is that?Copy !req
822. You're not hiding something,
are you, Evan?Copy !req
823. What are you hiding here, huh?Copy !req
824. Come on, where is it, Daddy?Copy !req
825. It's Karen on FaceTime!Copy !req
826. - I've been dying to meet her.
- Answer it.Copy !req
827. - Let's get to know her.
- No! No!Copy !req
828. You're right,
this could get awkward.Copy !req
829. - What are you doing?
- Much better.Copy !req
830. Don't!Copy !req
831. Can a cock answer
an iPhone?Copy !req
832. Yes, Belly,
but it's gotta be hard.Copy !req
833. Okay.Copy !req
834. No! Please!Copy !req
835. - It could be my kids!
- Hi Evan, welcome back.Copy !req
836. So? Have they ever seen
a cheating dick before?Copy !req
837. How about covered
in her lipstick?Copy !req
838. Okay! Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay. Please.Copy !req
839. Bel, I'll do
whatever you want.Copy !req
840. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
841. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
842. Now, fuck me, Daddy!Copy !req
843. - Fuck me!
- Attaboy, Evan.Copy !req
844. Fuck her.Copy !req
845. Fuck her
like it was last night.Copy !req
846. - Yeah, fuck her good!Copy !req
847. Fuck me, Daddy!Copy !req
848. Fuck me like you fuck
your little daughter!Copy !req
849. Doggy style, Belly!Copy !req
850. You want something
to eat, Bel?Copy !req
851. No, I'm okay.Copy !req
852. Okay.Copy !req
853. Fuck me, Daddy!Copy !req
854. Fuck me like you fuck Mommy!Copy !req
855. - Yeah, Daddy's little girl!Copy !req
856. You're a good little girl!Copy !req
857. - Fuck me, Daddy!
- Yeah!Copy !req
858. Fuck me like you fuck Mommy!Copy !req
859. Ow!Copy !req
860. Arghh!Copy !req
861. My scar! My scar! My scar!Copy !req
862. My surgery!Copy !req
863. You've been
a very bad boy, Evan!Copy !req
864. Please, please, please
take it out! Take it out!Copy !req
865. Oh, my god!Copy !req
866. Oh, my...Copy !req
867. God!Copy !req
868. Why did you hit me, Daddy?Copy !req
869. Now we have to punish you.Copy !req
870. Welcome to America's
favorite game show,Copy !req
871. Who Wants to be a Pedophile!Copy !req
872. Where we give the audience
what they want!Copy !req
873. The chance to punish
a pedophile.Copy !req
874. But first,Copy !req
875. let's welcome our lovely,
beautiful and charming,Copy !req
876. Ms. Bel!Copy !req
877. Hello, Ms. Bel.Copy !req
878. For tonight's contestant,Copy !req
879. we have a very special one,Copy !req
880. he's not only an architect
but also a DJ,Copy !req
881. a husband, a father of two,Copy !req
882. possibly three.Copy !req
883. Four.Copy !req
884. All the way from
one percent land,Copy !req
885. Mr. Evan Webber!Copy !req
886. Ms. Bel, would you please
get our contestant ready?Copy !req
887. Sure.Copy !req
888. You're both crazy
fucking bitches!Copy !req
889. You look 21, you lied to me!Copy !req
890. Oh, like you lied
to your wife?Copy !req
891. What I tell my wife is
none of your goddamn...Copy !req
892. God! God!Copy !req
893. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
My ears! My ears!Copy !req
894. I'll go deaf! I'll go deaf!Copy !req
895. This is fucking serious!Copy !req
896. I could go deaf!Copy !req
897. The game hasn't started yet.Copy !req
898. Our first category...Copy !req
899. Schoolyards.Copy !req
900. How far away from schoolCopy !req
901. will Evan have
to pick up his kids?Copy !req
902. 100 yards?Copy !req
903. 500 yards?Copy !req
904. Or two miles?Copy !req
905. This is fucking sick!Copy !req
906. Arghh!Copy !req
907. Wrong answer.
Correct answer isCopy !req
908. You can't pick up
your kids from prison.Copy !req
909. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!Copy !req
910. Please!Copy !req
911. What's our next category,
Ms. Bel?Copy !req
912. I love this one.Copy !req
913. Daddies.Copy !req
914. Evan, this should be
easy for you.Copy !req
915. How many family men
have survived this game?Copy !req
916. None.Copy !req
917. What was that?Copy !req
918. None.Copy !req
919. Correct!Copy !req
920. - Next question.
- Genesis.Copy !req
921. You've proved your point.Copy !req
922. God! I can't hear!
I can't hear!Copy !req
923. Please stop!Copy !req
924. All you have to do is
answer the question, Evan.Copy !req
925. Okay.Copy !req
926. Okay.Copy !req
927. Well, ask it, for fuck's sake!Copy !req
928. What's the proper punishment
for a pedophile?Copy !req
929. Is it prison where
you get raped every dayCopy !req
930. and you never get to see
your family again?Copy !req
931. Castration?Copy !req
932. Or death?Copy !req
933. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
Tick-tick-tock.Copy !req
934. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
Tick-tock. Tick-tock.Copy !req
935. Ten seconds.Copy !req
936. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
Tick-tock. Tick-tock.Copy !req
937. Well, looks like it's time for
our first commercial break.Copy !req
938. We'll be back after a message
from our sponsors.Copy !req
939. Hello. It's me, Louis!Copy !req
940. Mr. Webber?Copy !req
941. Who's Louis?Copy !req
942. Fucking douche bag.Copy !req
943. Get that sheet, cover him up.Copy !req
944. Shh!Copy !req
945. - You must be Louis.
- Yes.Copy !req
946. I'm Bernadette.
I'm Uncle Evan's niece.Copy !req
947. Oh, hi, nice to meet you.Copy !req
948. Obviously, you're with
Uncle Evan.Copy !req
949. Sorry, we're shooting
a music video.Copy !req
950. Well, you guys picked
an awesome location.Copy !req
951. Come on in.Copy !req
952. So where'd you come in from?Copy !req
953. - Dallas.
- Oh? I used to live in Austin.Copy !req
954. Oh, I've never been.Copy !req
955. Well, it's fun when
you're in college.Copy !req
956. Yeah, I went to Parsons.Copy !req
957. Oh, great school.Copy !req
958. I went to SVA.Copy !req
959. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
960. - I'm Louis.
- Hi.Copy !req
961. - Hi. I'm...
- She's Macarena.Copy !req
962. - She's my friend from Spain.
- Oh.Copy !req
963. - He's here to pick up...
- The art work outside.Copy !req
964. - Yes.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
965. - Somebody touch this?
- We didn't touch it.Copy !req
966. It's Aunt Karen's stuff,
we wouldn't go near it.Copy !req
967. I did see Evan
in here earlier,Copy !req
968. maybe he did.Copy !req
969. Okay,Copy !req
970. 'cause it's not supposed
to be like this.Copy !req
971. It's supposed to be
bubble-wrapped and packed up
and ready to go.Copy !req
972. - Why would Evan do this?
- She said it wasn't us.Copy !req
973. Okay.Copy !req
974. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
975. Oh, my god.Copy !req
976. What the fuck did y'all do?Copy !req
977. What the fuck is this shit!Copy !req
978. We didn't want to tell you,
someone broke inCopy !req
979. and that's why Evan's out.Copy !req
980. - He was chasing them.
- Yeah.Copy !req
981. Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
982. Shut the fuck up,
both of you right now!Copy !req
983. Nobody fucking move!Copy !req
984. I'm calling the cops
right now.Copy !req
985. Please don't tell Karen.Copy !req
986. This could be
our little secret.Copy !req
987. Bitch, you're barking up
the wrong fucking tree.Copy !req
988. I'm from Oakland, ho!Copy !req
989. I know two ghetto ass
hos when I see 'em!Copy !req
990. Come to think of it,
Evan doesn't even have
any fucking nieces.Copy !req
991. Who the fuck are you?Copy !req
992. You better hope the police
get here before Karen does.Copy !req
993. - What the fuck was that?
- Nothing.Copy !req
994. - Hey, wait.
- Wait.Copy !req
995. - It's nothing.
- Get out of my way!Copy !req
996. - Shit.Copy !req
997. Shit!Copy !req
998. Mr. Webber!Copy !req
999. Are you okay? Oh, fuck!Copy !req
1000. They're crazy!Copy !req
1001. Close the door.
Close the door.Copy !req
1002. Louis!Copy !req
1003. Louis, no!Copy !req
1004. - I gotta stop
these crazy ass bitches.
- Louis, forget it!Copy !req
1005. They're dangerous!Copy !req
1006. No! No! Stop!Copy !req
1007. Stop it!Copy !req
1008. What are you doing!Copy !req
1009. Looking for this?Copy !req
1010. Louis! Be careful!Copy !req
1011. They're crazy!Copy !req
1012. Monkey in the middle!
Monkey in the middle!Copy !req
1013. We can't say
that, Belly, it's racist.Copy !req
1014. Okay, man in the middle!Copy !req
1015. Give it to him!Copy !req
1016. No, Genesis, give him that!Copy !req
1017. Louis!Copy !req
1018. Louis!Copy !req
1019. Genesis! Please, this isn't
his fault! Please call
an ambulance, help him!Copy !req
1020. Fucker!Copy !req
1021. Bel, please help him!Copy !req
1022. Call an ambulance, I promise
I won't say anything!Copy !req
1023. Bel, Genesis!
Call an ambulance,
for fuck's sake!Copy !req
1024. I think it's a little late
for an ambulance, Evan.Copy !req
1025. He tripped, it's his fault.Copy !req
1026. We were just playing
monkey in the middle.Copy !req
1027. I mean, man in the middle.Copy !req
1028. Oh, my god!Copy !req
1029. You killed him!Copy !req
1030. You killed him!Copy !req
1031. Your wife killed him
with her shitty sculpture.Copy !req
1032. This shit's dangerous, Evan.Copy !req
1033. How can you keep
this here with kids?Copy !req
1034. That's irresponsible
parenting.Copy !req
1035. Yeah maybe your wife
should stick to painting.Copy !req
1036. Get the fuck away from me!Copy !req
1037. Where do you think
you're going, Evan?Copy !req
1038. Get the fuck off me!
Leave me alone!Copy !req
1039. Wanna go for a little ride?Copy !req
1040. You can't run away
from us, Daddy.Copy !req
1041. You can't escape.Copy !req
1042. Ahhh!Copy !req
1043. This is what happens
when you break the rules
of the game, Evan.Copy !req
1044. This is just like art class.Copy !req
1045. What I did to Karen's statueCopy !req
1046. is nothing compared
to what I'm going to do to youCopy !req
1047. if I ever see your
fucking lying face again.Copy !req
1048. I trusted you both,
how could you fuck my wife?Copy !req
1049. Never come
near my family again.Copy !req
1050. Disappear or you're
fucking dead.Copy !req
1051. Which way is MOMA?Copy !req
1052. It's more like "momma."Copy !req
1053. Ronnie is gonna have
a field day with this one.Copy !req
1054. Yeah, I'm sure he will.Copy !req
1055. That guy's a magician.Copy !req
1056. Yeah.Copy !req
1057. He can make
anything disappear.Copy !req
1058. Let's finish this.Copy !req
1059. Wow, those were some
really long commercials.Copy !req
1060. Thanks to our sponsor Louis
for that little lovely break.Copy !req
1061. Now! Back to our
million dollar question.Copy !req
1062. What is the proper punishment
for a pedophile?Copy !req
1063. Please.Copy !req
1064. I love my children.
I love my wife.Copy !req
1065. I'm a good father.Copy !req
1066. How can you judge anyone?Copy !req
1067. You're murderers.Copy !req
1068. Is that your final answer?Copy !req
1069. Cause you're gonna go deaf
in about 10 seconds from now.Copy !req
1070. Please, Genesis!Copy !req
1071. I'm a good father!Copy !req
1072. Until yesterday.Copy !req
1073. That doesn't change
how much I love them!Copy !req
1074. Do you really love them, Evan?Copy !req
1075. Really?Copy !req
1076. More than anything
in the world.Copy !req
1077. So why didn't you think of
them when you were inside us?Copy !req
1078. Yeah, why, Evan?Copy !req
1079. Last night had nothing
to do with my family.Copy !req
1080. Damn right it didn't, Evan!Copy !req
1081. It had nothing
to do with them.Copy !req
1082. Your family are victims.Copy !req
1083. Victims of your
sleazy, disgusting,
perverted behavior.Copy !req
1084. Jake. Lisa.Copy !req
1085. They don't deserve
a father like you.Copy !req
1086. This is what you did
to your family.Copy !req
1087. You pervert.Copy !req
1088. Genesis, please,
this isn't the answer!Copy !req
1089. Wrong answer.Copy !req
1090. Correct answer is Death.Copy !req
1091. We'll be back
after this commercial break.Copy !req
1092. Death?Copy !req
1093. Death?Copy !req
1094. You're gonna kill me?Copy !req
1095. You're gonna fucking kill me!Copy !req
1096. Why? Why!
Because I fucked you?Copy !req
1097. You fucked me!
You fucked me!Copy !req
1098. You came to my house!
You came to me!Copy !req
1099. I got you a car,
I brought you your clothes,Copy !req
1100. You took a fucking
bubble bath!Copy !req
1101. You wanted it! You wanted it!
You came on to me!Copy !req
1102. What was I supposed to do?Copy !req
1103. You sucked my cock, you both
fucking sucked my cock!Copy !req
1104. It was free pizza!
Free fucking pizza!Copy !req
1105. It just shows up
at my fucking door!Copy !req
1106. What am I supposed to do?Copy !req
1107. "We're flight attendants.
Come on, fuck us!Copy !req
1108. "No one will know.
Come on, fuck us!"Copy !req
1109. Oh, twosomes, threesomes.
It doesn't matter!Copy !req
1110. Starfish! Husbands!
You don't give a fuck,Copy !req
1111. you'll just fuck anything,
you'll just fuck anything!Copy !req
1112. Well, you lied to me,
I tried to help you!Copy !req
1113. I let you in,Copy !req
1114. I was a good guy,
I'm a good father!Copy !req
1115. And you just
fucking fucked me!Copy !req
1116. What?
Now, you're gonna kill me!Copy !req
1117. You're gonna kill me? Why?Copy !req
1118. Why? 'Cause you fucked me?Copy !req
1119. What the fuck-fuck-fuck,
this is fucking insane!Copy !req
1120. You're to be executed at dawn.Copy !req
1121. If I were you,Copy !req
1122. I wouldn't waste my last
few hours crying about it.Copy !req
1123. I'm sorry, Daddy.Copy !req
1124. It is the only way.Copy !req
1125. Bel?Copy !req
1126. Oh, my god! Oh, my god!Copy !req
1127. Oh, my god!Copy !req
1128. FaceTime. Karen!Copy !req
1129. FaceTime. Karen.Copy !req
1130. Digging a grave
is fucking tiring.Copy !req
1131. - Bel: And filthy.Copy !req
1132. Your wife's clothes
are gonna need dry cleaning.Copy !req
1133. What's that?Copy !req
1134. You can't have access
to an iPad, Evan.Copy !req
1135. You could be trying
to reach a child.Copy !req
1136. Let's face it, Evan.
You're a monster.Copy !req
1137. Or should I say
Monster!Copy !req
1138. What?Copy !req
1139. Monster surprised?Copy !req
1140. How do you know about that?Copy !req
1141. Oh, Monster confused!Copy !req
1142. How the fuck do you know that!Copy !req
1143. Monster will be quiet!Copy !req
1144. You spied on me?Copy !req
1145. On my kids?Copy !req
1146. Oh, my fucking god!Copy !req
1147. Oh, my fucking god! Jesus!Copy !req
1148. I'm so fucking stupid!Copy !req
1149. Yeah, you are.Copy !req
1150. Monster retarded.Copy !req
1151. Let's change,
I feel gross.Copy !req
1152. Look at all this shit.Copy !req
1153. This is you, Evan.Copy !req
1154. This is gonna be
your little fucking head,
you fucking cheater!Copy !req
1155. I love this color!
Red's my favorite!Copy !req
1156. Time for a haircut, Evan.Copy !req
1157. No! No!
Gotta be
pretty for your funeral.Copy !req
1158. He's so hairy.Copy !req
1159. No!Copy !req
1160. You don't wanna lose an ear.Copy !req
1161. Hold still.Copy !req
1162. There we go.
You look pretty.Copy !req
1163. There's Evan cutie!Copy !req
1164. There you have it.Copy !req
1165. Oh, now we see
your pretty face.Copy !req
1166. Fucking bitches!Copy !req
1167. "I love the sound
of vinyl. I'm Evan."Copy !req
1168. Watch this, Evan.Copy !req
1169. Jackpot!Copy !req
1170. Is that real?Copy !req
1171. What a clever way to hide
this from the kids, Evan!Copy !req
1172. You know, most firearm
deaths are a family member
of the gun owner.Copy !req
1173. I don't own a gun.Copy !req
1174. It's dangerous.Copy !req
1175. Untie him.Copy !req
1176. - Are you sure?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1177. Genesis, please don't
point that at me.Copy !req
1178. I know,Copy !req
1179. it's cheating.
We still have 90 minutes.Copy !req
1180. But you were keeping secrets
from us, Evan.Copy !req
1181. Had you gotten to this
before usCopy !req
1182. I don't think we'd be
having this conversation.Copy !req
1183. And you wouldn't do the same?Copy !req
1184. I'm not like you, Evan.Copy !req
1185. I don't own a gun,
I don't shoot people.Copy !req
1186. I sure as hell
don't bend the rules
for my own convenience.Copy !req
1187. Untie him, Belly.Copy !req
1188. I don't want him to kick me.Copy !req
1189. He won't.Copy !req
1190. He kicks, I shoot.Copy !req
1191. He knows that.Copy !req
1192. Don't you, Evan?Copy !req
1193. What do you want?Copy !req
1194. I wanna play hide and seek.Copy !req
1195. What?Copy !req
1196. Thirty seconds.
Only inside the house.Copy !req
1197. You leave the house, I shoot.Copy !req
1198. What're you gonna do
when you find me?Copy !req
1199. Well, if we don't
find you by sunrise,Copy !req
1200. we'll leave.Copy !req
1201. - Bullshit.
- Thirty seconds. Go! Go!Copy !req
1202. Go!
Go!Copy !req
1203. 30, 29...Copy !req
1204. 28, 27...Copy !req
1205. 26, 25...Copy !req
1206. 24, 23, 22...Copy !req
1207. Go!Copy !req
1208. Ready or not? Here we come!Copy !req
1209. Evan!Copy !req
1210. You can't hide from us.Copy !req
1211. Here we come.Copy !req
1212. Evan?Copy !req
1213. We can smell you, Evan.Copy !req
1214. Daddy?Copy !req
1215. Psst! In here.Copy !req
1216. - Evan?
- Oh, Evan?Copy !req
1217. Are you here, Monster?Copy !req
1218. Evan?Copy !req
1219. Evan?Copy !req
1220. Shit!Copy !req
1221. Evan!Copy !req
1222. Yeah, there he goes!
Stop!Copy !req
1223. Evan! Stop!Copy !req
1224. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
1225. Don't fucking move!Copy !req
1226. Help me! Help me!Copy !req
1227. - Scream all you fucking want!
- Help me!Copy !req
1228. No one's fucking home!
We tried every house!Copy !req
1229. Are you ready!Copy !req
1230. Please don't do this!Copy !req
1231. - Genesis: Time to say goodbye!
- Please! Please!Copy !req
1232. Help!Copy !req
1233. Help me!Copy !req
1234. Please, somebody help me!Copy !req
1235. Are you religious?Copy !req
1236. Help! Please somebody, help!Copy !req
1237. Please, let me go!Copy !req
1238. Help! Please help me!
Somebody help me!Copy !req
1239. No! Help me!Copy !req
1240. No! No! No! No! No!Copy !req
1241. No, help! Help!Copy !req
1242. One, two, three!Copy !req
1243. Whoopsie-daisy!Copy !req
1244. So Evan, did we
hurt your shoulder?Copy !req
1245. We want you
to be comfy, Evan.Copy !req
1246. Help! Help!Copy !req
1247. Help! Help!Copy !req
1248. Don't move, Evan. You might
get dirt in your eyes.Copy !req
1249. Yeah, close your eyes, baby.Copy !req
1250. Help! Help!Copy !req
1251. Help!Copy !req
1252. Help! Help! Help!Copy !req
1253. Help! Help! Help!Copy !req
1254. Please. Please.Copy !req
1255. Please. Please, don't do this.Copy !req
1256. Please! Bel. Please.Copy !req
1257. It looks like he's trying
to communicate.Copy !req
1258. Please.Copy !req
1259. If you promise to behave,
I'll take out the gag.Copy !req
1260. Okay.Copy !req
1261. Don't do this. Please?Copy !req
1262. I'll do whatever you want.
I'll do whatever you want.Copy !req
1263. Whatever!Copy !req
1264. Even calling your family
and telling them everything
you did to us?Copy !req
1265. Yes.Copy !req
1266. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'll tell them.Copy !req
1267. I'll tell them.Copy !req
1268. Okay,
let's give him a lifeline.Copy !req
1269. I love the lifeline part.
Let's see.Copy !req
1270. But the lifeline
is a phone call.Copy !req
1271. Not FaceTime.Copy !req
1272. Your wife's not gonna
see you like this.Copy !req
1273. Hi, this is Karen Alvarado,Copy !req
1274. Please leave a message
or send a text. Ciao.Copy !req
1275. Go ahead, talk.Copy !req
1276. Honey. I'm sorry for
what I'm gonna tell you.Copy !req
1277. They made me.Copy !req
1278. Fuck!Copy !req
1279. Call 911!Copy !req
1280. - Call 911!
I've been kidnapped...
- Evan, Evan...Copy !req
1281. - ... By two girls!
- Evan!Copy !req
1282. Call 911!Copy !req
1283. - Call 911!
- No, no, no, Evan!Copy !req
1284. - You broke the rule.
- Evan, why did you do that?Copy !req
1285. Well, now she'll
fucking find you!Copy !req
1286. Not really.Copy !req
1287. I hung up as soon
as it hit voice mail.
I knew you'd pussy out.Copy !req
1288. You fucking whores!Copy !req
1289. You fucking whores!Copy !req
1290. I'll fucking kill you,
you fucking-fuck bitch cunt!Copy !req
1291. I'll fucking kill you!
You fucking bitches!Copy !req
1292. Oh, there's Evan. There he is!Copy !req
1293. We missed you.Copy !req
1294. Fucking whores!Copy !req
1295. Knock-knock!Copy !req
1296. I said knock-knock.Copy !req
1297. No!Copy !req
1298. I don't think he can talk.Copy !req
1299. Okay. Knock-knock.Copy !req
1300. Who's there?Copy !req
1301. - Cheating Evan.
- Cheating Evan who?Copy !req
1302. Cheating "Evan-tually"
gets you killed.Copy !req
1303. No! No!Copy !req
1304. - Ready, Evan?
- No!Copy !req
1305. No!Copy !req
1306. - One!
- No!Copy !req
1307. - Two.
- Do it!Copy !req
1308. - No! No!
- Three!Copy !req
1309. Look at his face.Copy !req
1310. We got you good.Copy !req
1311. You didn't really think we
were gonna kill you, did you?Copy !req
1312. We're not animals.Copy !req
1313. It was just a game, Evan.Copy !req
1314. A game? A game?Copy !req
1315. You know what?Copy !req
1316. For a moment, I thought
you were the one who'd say no.Copy !req
1317. And now we have to play
a game with someone else.Copy !req
1318. You know what's funny?
They never say no.Copy !req
1319. No matter who they are.Copy !req
1320. No matter how much
they love their families.Copy !req
1321. You're all the same.Copy !req
1322. Bye, Evan.Copy !req
1323. You were my favorite.Copy !req
1324. Oh!Copy !req
1325. Wish me happy birthday.
I turn 22 next week.Copy !req
1326. Yeah.Copy !req
1327. I freaked out
when I turned 18.Copy !req
1328. But you made me feel 15 again.
Thanks, Evan.Copy !req
1329. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
1330. Oh, I almost forgot.
Yes, your phone.Copy !req
1331. You know you really should be
more careful with Facebook.Copy !req
1332. If you don't log out
someone could do
terrible things with it.Copy !req
1333. Post something really personal
for all your friends to see.Copy !req
1334. Look closely.
So you'll remember us.Copy !req
1335. Yes, Evan, fuck her!Copy !req
1336. Fuck me, Daddy!Copy !req
1337. Okay.Copy !req
1338. Attaboy, Evan. Fuck her!Copy !req
1339. Fuck me! Fuck me!Copy !req
1340. I'm sure you'll get a
lot of likes though.Copy !req
1341. Doggy style, Belly!Copy !req
1342. Enjoy!Copy !req
1343. Oh!Copy !req
1344. Bye, Evan! Muah!
We'll miss you!Copy !req
1345. Oh!Copy !req
1346. No!Copy !req
1347. Oh, no!Copy !req
1348. Fuck me, Daddy!Copy !req
1349. God, god!Copy !req
1350. Take your bags
to your rooms.
Then go use the bathroom.Copy !req
1351. And then we're gonna
go see Monkey, okay?Copy !req
1352. - Are you guys tired?
- Both: Yeah!Copy !req
1353. Monkey?Copy !req
1354. Monkey?Copy !req
1355. Daddy had a party.Copy !req