1. This is Zero One Alpha.
We have secured Falcon.Copy !req
2. I say again,
we have secured Falcon.Copy !req
3. By the time I count to ten...Copy !req
4. you will have told me
exactly what I need to know.Copy !req
5. If not...Copy !req
6. the number ten will be the
last thing you will ever hear.Copy !req
7. OneCopy !req
8. TwoCopy !req
9. ThreeCopy !req
10. FourCopy !req
11. FiveCopy !req
12. SixCopy !req
13. SevenCopy !req
14. EightCopy !req
15. Grenade! Sir, get back!Copy !req
16. Shit.Copy !req
17. Fucking missed it.Copy !req
18. How did I fucking miss it?Copy !req
19. Merlin, I apologize for
putting you in this position.Copy !req
20. You trained him well.Copy !req
21. James...Copy !req
22. training is over.Copy !req
23. Welcome to Kingsman.Copy !req
24. Lancelot.Copy !req
25. Sir.Copy !req
26. I'll deal with
this mess personally.Copy !req
27. I very much regret thatCopy !req
28. your husband's bravery
can't be publicly celebrated.Copy !req
29. I hope you understand.Copy !req
30. How can I understand?Copy !req
31. You won't tell me anything.Copy !req
32. I didn't even know
he wasn't with his squad.Copy !req
33. I'm so sorry, I can't say more.Copy !req
34. But I would like to present you
with this Medal of Valor...Copy !req
35. and if you look closely on
the back, there's a number.Copy !req
36. And as a more concrete
gesture of our gratitude...Copy !req
37. we'd like to offer you, um...Copy !req
38. Let's call it a favor.Copy !req
39. The nature of it is your choice.Copy !req
40. Just tell the operator...Copy !req
41. "oxfords not brogues,"
and then I'll know it's you.Copy !req
42. I don't want your help!Copy !req
43. I want
my husband back!Copy !req
44. What's your name, young man?Copy !req
45. Eggsy.Copy !req
46. Hello, Eggsy.Copy !req
47. Can I see that?Copy !req
48. You take care of this, Eggsy.Copy !req
49. All right?Copy !req
50. And take care of your mum, too.Copy !req
51. So sorry, Professor Arnold.
Just a tiny bit more.Copy !req
52. Oh, for God's sakes,
just rip it off.Copy !req
53. I'm under very strict
instructions not to hurt you.Copy !req
54. Look, you've made a mistake.Copy !req
55. I'm a university lecturer.
I've got no money.Copy !req
56. This isn't about money.Copy !req
57. Our boss just
wants to talk to you.Copy !req
58. Am I meant to
find that reassuring?Copy !req
59. He'll be here soon.
He'll explain.Copy !req
60. Do you like whiskey?Copy !req
61. Red, get the '62 Dalmore.Copy !req
62. Hmm.Copy !req
63. Honestly, this whiskey,
it's amazing.Copy !req
64. You will shit.Copy !req
65. I suppose asking to borrow a cup
of sugar is a step too far?Copy !req
66. Professor Arnold,
I'm here to take you home.Copy !req
67. Hmm.Copy !req
68. 1962 Dalmore.Copy !req
69. It'd be a sin to spill any.Copy !req
70. Don't you think?Copy !req
71. Can you hold these?
Please?Copy !req
72. Thank you.Copy !req
73. Everything is clean.Copy !req
74. My kind of welcome.Copy !req
75. Mmm.Copy !req
76. No stomach for violence.Copy !req
77. I mean, literally,
I see one drop of blood...Copy !req
78. that is me done.Copy !req
79. I'm like...Copy !req
80. projectile.Copy !req
81. Listen, I'm so sorry...Copy !req
82. you had to witness all this unpleasantness
due to our uninvited guest.Copy !req
83. But I promise you, by the time
I've found out who he works for...Copy !req
84. you and I will be
the best of friends.Copy !req
85. To the shop, please.Copy !req
86. Arthur's in the
dining room, sir.Copy !req
87. Arthur.Copy !req
88. Galahad.Copy !req
89. The others were
beginning to wonderCopy !req
90. if we were going to
have a double toast.Copy !req
91. Gentlemen, I'm thankful to
say it's been 17 years...Copy !req
92. since we last had occasion
to use this decanter.Copy !req
93. Lancelot was an outstanding
agent, and a true Kingsman.Copy !req
94. He will be sorely missed.Copy !req
95. To Lancelot.Copy !req
96. To Lancelot.Copy !req
97. I intend to start the
selection process forCopy !req
98. Lancelot's replacement tomorrow.Copy !req
99. I want each of you
to propose a candidate...Copy !req
100. and have them report to UK HQ...Copy !req
101. no later than 9 p.m. GMT.Copy !req
102. Thank you.Copy !req
103. Merlin.Copy !req
104. Come in.Copy !req
105. Lancelot was investigating
a group of mercenaries...Copy !req
106. who were experimenting
with biological weaponry.Copy !req
107. Glasses, gentlemen, please.Copy !req
108. Uganda, 2012.Copy !req
109. Synthetic cathinones.Copy !req
110. They put it in the water supply
of a guerrilla army base.Copy !req
111. Rage, cannibalism,
multiple fatalities.Copy !req
112. Chechnya, 2013.Copy !req
113. Insurgents turned on
one another.Copy !req
114. Indisputably, the work
of our mercenaries,Copy !req
115. but no trace of any
chemicals of any kind.Copy !req
116. So what happened to Lancelot?Copy !req
117. He tracked them to this
property in Argentina.Copy !req
118. While he had them
under surveillance...Copy !req
119. he became aware
they'd effected a kidnapping.Copy !req
120. So he executed a solo rescue
mission, which failed.Copy !req
121. This is his last transmission.Copy !req
122. Who is he? Some climate
change doomsayer.Copy !req
123. Expounds something
called "Gaia theory"...Copy !req
124. about the world healing
itself, or some such.Copy !req
125. But what's curious,
is he's not actually missing.Copy !req
126. This is Professor Arnold...Copy !req
127. at Imperial College
this morning.Copy !req
128. It's all yours.Copy !req
129. And don't forget
your membership proposal.Copy !req
130. Try picking a more suitable
candidate this time.Copy !req
131. 17 years and still...Copy !req
132. evolving with the times remains an
entirely foreign concept to you.Copy !req
133. Need I remind you,
I wouldn't be hereCopy !req
134. if it weren't for
that young man?Copy !req
135. He was as much Kingsman
material as any of them.Copy !req
136. More so.Copy !req
137. But he wasn't exactly
one of us, was he?Copy !req
138. Let's face it, Galahad,Copy !req
139. your little experiment failed.Copy !req
140. With respect, Arthur,
you're a snob.Copy !req
141. "With respect"?Copy !req
142. The world is changing.Copy !req
143. There's a reason why aristocrats
developed weak chins.Copy !req
144. Eggsy?Copy !req
145. Eggsy, come here.Copy !req
146. - Got any Rizla, babe?
- No.Copy !req
147. Why don't you do
your mum a favor,Copy !req
148. go down to the shop
and get some?Copy !req
149. - Get them yourself.
- Oi.Copy !req
150. What have I said to you about
speaking to Dean like that?Copy !req
151. Three's a crowd, innit?
Why don't Dean's poodle go?Copy !req
152. I'll tell you what.Copy !req
153. Why don't you take this,
go and get some Rizlas...Copy !req
154. get yourself some sweets?
And while you're gone...Copy !req
155. we'll show your mother how three
can be good company.Copy !req
156. Thanks, babe.Copy !req
157. There we go.Copy !req
158. Is that better?Copy !req
159. If Dean treats
your mum so bad,Copy !req
160. why doesn't she leave him?Copy !req
161. Low self-esteem.
That's her problem.Copy !req
162. Fuck off. Why would she
have low self-esteem?Copy !req
163. Eggsy's mum is well fit.Copy !req
164. - No offense, bruv.
- It's all right.Copy !req
165. One of these days,
I'm gonna smash his face in.Copy !req
166. Are you mental, cuz?Copy !req
167. He'd just get
that lot to do you,Copy !req
168. and then pretend
he knew nothing—Copy !req
169. about it.Copy !req
170. Oi! You think you can chat shit
about us and we won't do nothing...Copy !req
171. just because our guvnor's
banging Eggsy's mum?Copy !req
172. Pretty much, yeah.Copy !req
173. Bruv, just leave it.
Let's just go, man.Copy !req
174. It's not worth it.Copy !req
175. You boys have
outstayed your welcome.Copy !req
176. Leave.Copy !req
177. What?Copy !req
178. I'm sorry about that, bruv.Copy !req
179. Yeah.Copy !req
180. Mug.Copy !req
181. They weren't fucking
worth it, boys.Copy !req
182. It's freezing.
Why are we walking?Copy !req
183. You jacked his
fucking car keys, bruv?Copy !req
184. Yeah. Now, we're gonna nick his car.Copy !req
185. Shit!Copy !req
186. Hold on, boys.Copy !req
187. Hey, that's my fucking car!Copy !req
188. Hey! Hey! Eggsy!Copy !req
189. I swear, you want to
fucking stop it!Copy !req
190. You're a fucking dead man!
Stop it!Copy !req
191. I'm gonna fucking have ya!Copy !req
192. Floor it, Eggsy!Copy !req
193. Floor it!Copy !req
194. Wanker!Copy !req
195. Yeah, Dean.
Look, it's me.Copy !req
196. Eggsy just stole
my fucking car, yeah.Copy !req
197. I've come out the pub, he's done
15 donuts in my fucking face...Copy !req
198. and he's drove off.Copy !req
199. No, I can't have it!
He's disrespecting me.Copy !req
200. And that means,
he's disrespecting you.Copy !req
201. Hold up! What the...?Copy !req
202. Oh.Copy !req
203. Dickhead.Copy !req
204. Foxes are vermin, cuz.Copy !req
205. Should've driven it over.Copy !req
206. Should've done a lot of things.Copy !req
207. I'll sort this.
Get out of the car.Copy !req
208. I said, get out of the fucking car!Copy !req
209. Eggsy, there is no such
thing as honor amongst thieves.Copy !req
210. Now, you can start giving me some
names of the boys you were with...Copy !req
211. or you go down.Copy !req
212. It's up to you.Copy !req
213. I want to exercise
my right to a phone call.Copy !req
214. Well, I hope it's to your mum...Copy !req
215. to tell her you're gonna be 18
months late for your dinner.Copy !req
216. - Customer Complaints, how may I help you?
- Um...Copy !req
217. My name's Eggsy Unwin.Copy !req
218. Sorry, Gary Unwin.
And I'm up shit creek.Copy !req
219. I'm in Holborn police station...Copy !req
220. and my mum said to call this
number if ever I needed help.Copy !req
221. I'm sorry, sir.
Wrong number.Copy !req
222. Wait! Wait!Copy !req
223. Oxfords not brogues.Copy !req
224. Your complaint has been
duly noted...Copy !req
225. and we hope that we have not
lost you as a loyal customer.Copy !req
226. Yeah.Copy !req
227. You what?Copy !req
228. I—Copy !req
229. Yeah.Copy !req
230. Yes, I totally understand.Copy !req
231. Eggsy.Copy !req
232. Would you like a lift home?Copy !req
233. Who are you?Copy !req
234. The man who got you released.Copy !req
235. That ain't an answer.Copy !req
236. A little gratitude
would be nice.Copy !req
237. My name is Harry Hart,
and I gave you that medal.Copy !req
238. Your father saved my life.Copy !req
239. So before you was a
tailor, was you in the army?Copy !req
240. Like an officer.Copy !req
241. Not quite.Copy !req
242. So where was you posted,
Iraq or something?Copy !req
243. Sorry, Eggsy. Classified.Copy !req
244. But my dad
saved your life, yeah?Copy !req
245. The day your father died,
I missed something.Copy !req
246. And if it weren't
for his courage...Copy !req
247. my mistake would have cost the
lives of every man present.Copy !req
248. So I owe him.Copy !req
249. Your father was a brave man.Copy !req
250. A good man.Copy !req
251. And having read your files...Copy !req
252. I think he'd be bitterly disappointed
in the choices you've made.Copy !req
253. You can't talk to me like that.Copy !req
254. Huge I.Q.Copy !req
255. Great performance
at primary school.Copy !req
256. And it all went tits up.Copy !req
257. Drugs, petty crime.
Never had a job.Copy !req
258. You think there's a lot of jobs
going around here, do you?Copy !req
259. Doesn't explain why you
gave up your hobbies.Copy !req
260. First prize, regional
Under-10s gymnastics...Copy !req
261. two years in a row.Copy !req
262. Your coach had you pegged
as Olympic team material.Copy !req
263. Yeah, well, when you grow up
around someone like my stepdad...Copy !req
264. you pick up
new hobbies pretty quick.Copy !req
265. Of course.
Always someone else's fault.Copy !req
266. Who's to blame
for you quitting the Marines?Copy !req
267. You were
halfway through training,Copy !req
268. doing brilliantly,
but you gave up.Copy !req
269. Because my mum went mental.Copy !req
270. Banging on about losing me
as well as my dad.Copy !req
271. Didn't want me being cannon
fodder for snobs like you.Copy !req
272. Judging people like me
from your ivory towers...Copy !req
273. with no thought about
why we do what we do.Copy !req
274. We ain't got much choice.
You get me?Copy !req
275. And if we was born with the same
silver spoon up our arses...Copy !req
276. we'd do just as well as you.
If not, better.Copy !req
277. What the fuck you doing here?
You taking the piss?Copy !req
278. Some more examples
of young men...Copy !req
279. who simply need
a silver suppository?Copy !req
280. No, they're exceptions.
Come on.Copy !req
281. Nonsense. We haven't
finished our drinks.Copy !req
282. After you nicked his car...Copy !req
283. Dean says you're fair game.Copy !req
284. He don't give a shit
what your mum says.Copy !req
285. Um, listen, boys...Copy !req
286. I've had a rather
emotional day...Copy !req
287. so whatever your beef
with Eggsy is,Copy !req
288. and I'm sure
it's well-founded...Copy !req
289. I'd appreciate it enormously...Copy !req
290. if you could just
leave us in peace...Copy !req
291. until I finish
this lovely pint of Guinness.Copy !req
292. You should get out
of the way, Granddad,Copy !req
293. or you'll get hurt and all.Copy !req
294. He ain'tjoking.
You should go.Copy !req
295. Mmm.Copy !req
296. Excuse me.Copy !req
297. If you're looking for
another rent boy,Copy !req
298. they're on the
corner of Smith street.Copy !req
299. Manners...Copy !req
300. maketh...Copy !req
301. man.Copy !req
302. Do you know what that means?Copy !req
303. Then let me teach you a lesson.Copy !req
304. Are we going to stand around here
all day, or are we going to fight?Copy !req
305. You fucking dirty,
fucking dirty—Copy !req
306. Sorry about that.Copy !req
307. Needed to let off a little steam.Copy !req
308. I heard yesterday
a friend of mine died.Copy !req
309. He knew your father too,
actually.Copy !req
310. Now, I do apologize, Eggsy.Copy !req
311. I shouldn't have done this in front of you.Copy !req
312. No, please! I won't
say nothing, I swear!Copy !req
313. If there's one thing I can do,
it's keep my mouth shut.Copy !req
314. You won't tell a soul?
Ask the feds.Copy !req
315. I've never grassed anyone up.Copy !req
316. Is that a promise?
On my life!Copy !req
317. Much appreciated, Eggsy.Copy !req
318. You're right about the snobs.Copy !req
319. But there, too,
there are exceptions.Copy !req
320. Best of luck with everything.Copy !req
321. In celebrity news,Copy !req
322. the Richmond Valentine movie
premiered in Hollywood last night.Copy !req
323. The story of the internet
billionaire's rise to power...Copy !req
324. is expected to be this
award season's hot ticket.Copy !req
325. One notable absence from the
red carpet was Iggy Azalea...Copy !req
326. still missing three days after she
failed to appear at her Oakland concert.Copy !req
327. No ransom has been demanded.Copy !req
328. Eggsy, just go, please, because
he's gonna...Copy !req
329. No, please, don't hurt him!Copy !req
330. Fuck off! Get the fuck away with ya!Copy !req
331. Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
332. Who was with you
in that fucking pub?Copy !req
333. I want to know the name of
the geezer you was with.Copy !req
334. - I wasn't with no one!
- Who was it?Copy !req
335. - I don't know what you're on about.
- Who was it?Copy !req
336. I don't know
who you're fucking on about!Copy !req
337. Fucking tell me his name!Copy !req
338. I don't know who you're
fucking on about!Copy !req
339. You listen to me!Copy !req
340. I want to know who you was with
in that pub. Do you understand?Copy !req
341. I want to know his fucking name!Copy !req
342. Because, I swear,
I'll rip your head off.Copy !req
343. - Tell me!
- I don't know what you're fucking on about!Copy !req
344. Just tell him, Eggsy!Copy !req
345. Fuck off! Fuck off, Michelle!Copy !req
346. I could kill you right now...Copy !req
347. and no one in the whole world
will notice!Copy !req
348. But I would.Copy !req
349. I have enough evidence
on your activities...Copy !req
350. to have you locked up
for the rest of your life...Copy !req
351. Mr. Dean Anthony Baker.
What the fuck?Copy !req
352. So I suggest you
leave the boy alone...Copy !req
353. or I shall be forced to deliver it
to the appropriate authorities.Copy !req
354. Eggsy, meet me at the tailor
I told you about.Copy !req
355. What the fuck's going on here?Copy !req
356. Eggsy, you fucking maggot!Copy !req
357. Hey, we got a racer!Copy !req
358. Come here. Hey!Copy !req
359. Eggsy, you fucking—Copy !req
360. Come here, son!Copy !req
361. You wanker!Copy !req
362. I'll have you, son!Copy !req
363. I've never met a tailor before.Copy !req
364. But I know you ain't one.Copy !req
365. Come with me.Copy !req
366. Come on in.Copy !req
367. What do you see?Copy !req
368. Someone who wants to know
what the fuck is going on.Copy !req
369. I see a young man
with potential.Copy !req
370. A young man who is loyal.Copy !req
371. Who can do as he's asked.Copy !req
372. And who wants to do
something good with his life.Copy !req
373. Did you see the film Trading Places?Copy !req
374. No.Copy !req
375. How about Nikita?Copy !req
376. Pretty Woman?Copy !req
377. All right.Copy !req
378. My point is, that the
lack of a silver spoonCopy !req
379. has set you on a certain path...Copy !req
380. but you needn't stay on it.Copy !req
381. If you're prepared to adapt
and learn, you can transform.Copy !req
382. Oh, like in My Fair Lady.Copy !req
383. Well, you're full of surprises.Copy !req
384. Yes, like My Fair Lady.Copy !req
385. Only, in this case,
I'm offering youCopy !req
386. the opportunity to
become a Kingsman.Copy !req
387. A tailor?Copy !req
388. A Kingsman agent.Copy !req
389. Like a spy?Copy !req
390. Of sorts.Copy !req
391. Interested?Copy !req
392. You think I've got
anything to lose?Copy !req
393. Since 1849...Copy !req
394. Kingsman tailors have clothed the
world's most powerful individuals.Copy !req
395. By 1919, a great number
of them hadCopy !req
396. lost their heirs
to World War One.Copy !req
397. That meant a lot of money
going uninherited.Copy !req
398. And a lot of powerful men with a desire
to preserve peace and protect life.Copy !req
399. Our founders realized that they could
channel that wealth and influence...Copy !req
400. for the greater good.Copy !req
401. And so began our other venture.Copy !req
402. An independent, international
intelligence agency...Copy !req
403. operating at the
highest level of discretion.Copy !req
404. Above the politics
and bureaucracy...Copy !req
405. that undermine the integrity of
government-run spy organizations.Copy !req
406. The suit is a
modern gentleman's armor.Copy !req
407. And the Kingsman agents
are the new knights.Copy !req
408. How deep does this
fucking thing go?Copy !req
409. Deep enough.Copy !req
410. Shit, we're late.Copy !req
411. Your father had the
same look on his face.Copy !req
412. As did I.Copy !req
413. Come on.Copy !req
414. Galahad.Copy !req
415. My code name.Copy !req
416. Late again, sir.Copy !req
417. Good luck.Copy !req
418. In you go.Copy !req
419. Fall in.Copy !req
420. Ladies and gentlemen,
my name is Merlin.Copy !req
421. You are about to embark...Copy !req
422. on what is probably the most dangerous
job interview in the world.Copy !req
423. One of you, and only one of you,Copy !req
424. will become the next Lancelot.Copy !req
425. Can anybody tell me
what this is?Copy !req
426. - Yes?
- Body bag, sir.Copy !req
427. Correct. Charlie, isn't it?Copy !req
428. Yes, sir.Copy !req
429. Good.Copy !req
430. In a moment, you will
each collect a body bag.Copy !req
431. You will write your name
on that bag.Copy !req
432. You will write the details of
your next of kin on that bag.Copy !req
433. This represents your acknowledgment of
the risks that you are about to face...Copy !req
434. as well as your agreement
to strict confidentiality.Copy !req
435. Which, incidentally, if you
break, will result in you...Copy !req
436. and your next of kin...Copy !req
437. being in that bag.Copy !req
438. Is that understood?Copy !req
439. Excellent.Copy !req
440. Fall out.Copy !req
441. Roxanne.
But call me Roxy.Copy !req
442. - I'm Eggsy.
- "Eggy"?Copy !req
443. No, "Eggsy".Copy !req
444. Eggy?Copy !req
445. Where did they dig you up?Copy !req
446. You know we're not allowed
to discuss who proposed us.Copy !req
447. No need to bite
his head off.Copy !req
448. Charlie's only making
conversation, right, Charlie?Copy !req
449. Hmm.
I'm Digby.Copy !req
450. Digby.Copy !req
451. Eggy, this is Rufus.Copy !req
452. Rufus, Eggy.Copy !req
453. So, Eggy, are you
Oxford or Cambridge?Copy !req
454. Neither.Copy !req
455. Saint Andrews?
Durham?Copy !req
456. No, wait, I think
we may have met.Copy !req
457. Did you serve me at the McDonald's
in Winchester service station?Copy !req
458. No.Copy !req
459. But if I had,
I would have given youCopy !req
460. an extra helping
of secret sauce.Copy !req
461. It's definitely Saint
AndrewsCopy !req
462. Just ignore them.Copy !req
463. You need a pen?Copy !req
464. Cheers.Copy !req
465. Amelia, isn't it?Copy !req
466. Amelia, Eggsy.Copy !req
467. Hi, Eggsy.Copy !req
468. Don't take any notice
of those guys.Copy !req
469. That's what I told him.Copy !req
470. It's just scare tactics.Copy !req
471. Classic army technique.Copy !req
472. No one's gonna die.Copy !req
473. Shame.Copy !req
474. Great. You don't
know, the CIA don't know.Copy !req
475. Nobody knows who this guy is?Copy !req
476. Fine.Copy !req
477. Seriously, it's fine.Copy !req
478. Well, it's not really fine,
but it's not why I'm here.Copy !req
479. Hell, man, you know me.
Money's not my issue.Copy !req
480. I could've retired
straight out of MIT...Copy !req
481. fucked off to some island,
let the business run itself.Copy !req
482. Nobody told me
to try and save the planet.Copy !req
483. I wanted to.Copy !req
484. Climate change research, lobbying,
years of study, billions of dollars...Copy !req
485. and you know why I quit?Copy !req
486. Becausethe last time I checked,
the planet was still fucked.Copy !req
487. Hence, my epiphany-Copy !req
488. Money won't solve this.Copy !req
489. Those idiots who
call themselves politicians...Copy !req
490. have buried their heads in the sand and
stood for nothing but re-election.Copy !req
491. So I spent the last two years
trying to find a real solution.Copy !req
492. And I found it.Copy !req
493. Now, if you really want to make
the world a better place...Copy !req
494. I suggest you open
your fucking ears,Copy !req
495. because I'm about to
tell it to you.Copy !req
496. Go on, Mr. Valentine.Copy !req
497. I'm still listening.Copy !req
498. As long as you
agree to all my terms.Copy !req
499. All right, no one panic.
Listen to me.Copy !req
500. Stay calm.Copy !req
501. Fuck.Copy !req
502. Loo snorkels, loo snorkels!Copy !req
503. - Loo snorkels?
- Showerheads!Copy !req
504. Showerheads?Copy !req
505. She's right.
Go! Fucking go!Copy !req
506. Hey, hang about, what's wrong
with the fucking door?Copy !req
507. Congratulations on
completing your first task.Copy !req
508. Charlie, Roxy, well done.Copy !req
509. For those of you
who are still confused...Copy !req
510. if you can get a breathing tube
around a U-bend of a toilet...Copy !req
511. you have an
unlimited air supply.Copy !req
512. Simple physics,
worth remembering.Copy !req
513. Eggsy, well done for spotting
that was a two-way mirror.Copy !req
514. He's probably seen
enough of them.Copy !req
515. Yeah, you can all wipe
those smirks off your faces.Copy !req
516. Because as far as I'm concerned,Copy !req
517. every single one of you
has failed.Copy !req
518. You all forgot
the most important thing...Copy !req
519. teamwork.Copy !req
520. So much for
classic army technique.Copy !req
521. 35.Copy !req
522. 105.Copy !req
523. That's it. That's it.Copy !req
524. Hello.Copy !req
525. Can I help you?Copy !req
526. Yes. I have a question
about anthropogenic force.Copy !req
527. Oh. Really? It's
actually quite fascinating.Copy !req
528. My colleague died
trying to rescue you...Copy !req
529. and I'm sure you saw
how well trained he was...Copy !req
530. so I suggest you tell me who kidnapped
you and why they let you go.Copy !req
531. I have no idea
what you're talking—Copy !req
532. I'm not supposed to say it,
but it was—Copy !req
533. Oh, for God's sake,
I've barely touched you.Copy !req
534. Oh, man up!Copy !req
535. Fuck that guy, whoever he is.
I'm gonna—Copy !req
536. He made me kill Professor Arnold.Copy !req
537. I goddamn loved Professor Arnold.Copy !req
538. Well, the good news is...Copy !req
539. we know the emergency
and surveillance system work.Copy !req
540. You know what's not good news?Copy !req
541. "My colleague died!"Copy !req
542. That's what he said!Copy !req
543. This is an organization,
and they're all over us.Copy !req
544. Whoever you spoke to—
I told you...Copy !req
545. I made contact with the KGB,
MI6, Mossad and Beijing.Copy !req
546. They all insist
he wasn't one of theirs.Copy !req
547. Beijing.Copy !req
548. So freaky how there's no recognizable
name for the Chinese secret service.Copy !req
549. Now, that's what you call
a secret, right?Copy !req
550. You know what? Fuck it.Copy !req
551. We need to speed things up.Copy !req
552. Bring the
product release forward.Copy !req
553. We're only halfway
into production...Copy !req
554. and speeding it will
cost a fortune.Copy !req
555. Do I look like I give a fuck?Copy !req
556. Just get it done.Copy !req
557. As some of you will
have learned last night...Copy !req
558. teamwork is paramount
here at Kingsman.Copy !req
559. We're here to enhance your
skills, test you to the limit.Copy !req
560. Which is why you're
gonna pick a puppy.Copy !req
561. Wherever you go, your dog goes.Copy !req
562. You will care for it.
You will teach it.Copy !req
563. And by the time it's fully
trained, so will you be.Copy !req
564. Those of you
who are still here, that is.Copy !req
565. Do you understand?Copy !req
566. Choose your puppy.Copy !req
567. A poodle?Copy !req
568. What?Copy !req
569. They're gun dogs.Copy !req
570. Oldest working breed.Copy !req
571. Easy to train.Copy !req
572. A pug?Copy !req
573. It's a bulldog, innit?Copy !req
574. It'll get bigger,
though, won't it?Copy !req
575. Shit.Copy !req
576. His MRI shows
no signs of concussion.Copy !req
577. No direct brain trauma at all.Copy !req
578. How much longer can he be out?Copy !req
579. That's the
million-dollar question.Copy !req
580. We don't know what he was
exposed to in there.Copy !req
581. What about Harry's footage?Copy !req
582. It didn't stream
to his home terminal.Copy !req
583. Encrypted and uncrackable.Copy !req
584. If and when he comes around...Copy !req
585. you might want to have a with
him about sharing his password.Copy !req
586. Is he gonna be all right?Copy !req
587. We need to have patience, Eggsy.Copy !req
588. But there's hope, okay?Copy !req
589. If I were you, I'd concentrate
on your training.Copy !req
590. Make it through the tests.
Make him proud.Copy !req
591. Come on,
come on, come on!Copy !req
592. J.B., come on! Come on!Copy !req
593. I'm not coming last
because of you.Copy !req
594. J.B., I'll shoot you! Goddamn
you, I'll fucking shoot you!Copy !req
595. Merlin said we're not
allowed to hold you.Copy !req
596. Bollocks.Copy !req
597. Water!Copy !req
598. - Come on, then!
- Eggsy, forget it!Copy !req
599. What's wrong, mate?
You can't take a joke?Copy !req
600. Seriously, you'll get thrown
out, and it's just not worth it.Copy !req
601. Maybe I don't give a fuck
if I get kicked out!Copy !req
602. Do it. Come on, you pleb.Copy !req
603. Charlie, fuck off!Copy !req
604. Aw.Copy !req
605. Yeah, go on, walk away.
Dickhead.Copy !req
606. Come on, J.B.Copy !req
607. Come on, good boy.Copy !req
608. You have exactly one
hour to complete the test...Copy !req
609. starting now.Copy !req
610. New target, 800 meters.Copy !req
611. You know, it's unbelievable.
You're still here...Copy !req
612. lingering like some big, steaming
shit that just won't flush.Copy !req
613. Roger that.
Target identified.Copy !req
614. And how about you
shut the fuck up?Copy !req
615. Positive discrimination...Copy !req
616. that's what it is.Copy !req
617. It's like those fucking
state school kidsCopy !req
618. who get into Oxford
on C grades...Copy !req
619. because their mum
is a one-legged lesbian.Copy !req
620. You don't know fuck all
about my grades.Copy !req
621. Oh, forgive me, I'm sure
you're highly educated.Copy !req
622. Fire when ready.Copy !req
623. How's that for
positive discrimination?Copy !req
624. I want to thank
you both for listening...Copy !req
625. and I really, really appreciate
you travelling all this way...Copy !req
626. Your Royal Highness.Copy !req
627. And you, too, Prime Minister.Copy !req
628. I think this is quite brilliant.Copy !req
629. It's absolutely brilliant.Copy !req
630. You are completely crazy.Copy !req
631. And as for you, Prime MinisterCopy !req
632. I'm speechless
you'd even consider this.Copy !req
633. - Don't touch—
- Sorry, Your Royal Highness.Copy !req
634. But you've got a
big role to play...Copy !req
635. in getting the Scandinavian
region back on track.Copy !req
636. You're popular, inspirational...Copy !req
637. and you have the power
to galvanize the people.Copy !req
638. Now, whether you're
on board or not...Copy !req
639. I'm going to have to insist...Copy !req
640. on getting you somewhere
I can ensure your safety.Copy !req
641. How about you, Prime Minister?
You in or out?Copy !req
642. Well, I think it's about time...Copy !req
643. that a politician did something that,
uh, actually made a difference.Copy !req
644. Too true.Copy !req
645. What?Copy !req
646. Take her away.Copy !req
647. Drink?Copy !req
648. Why not?Copy !req
649. Guards! Help!Copy !req
650. Don't worry.Copy !req
651. No harm will come
to the princess.Copy !req
652. Well, I'm a republican anyways,Copy !req
653. so it really doesn't matter.Copy !req
654. Release the princess!Copy !req
655. Okay, you're done.Copy !req
656. Not so bad, right?Copy !req
657. Hardly felt a thing.Copy !req
658. Welcome aboard.Copy !req
659. Pleasure is all mine.Copy !req
660. Ever heard of knocking?Copy !req
661. Only when I'm casing
a place to rob.Copy !req
662. Merlin said you
wanted to see me?Copy !req
663. I hope J.B.'s training
is going as well as yours is.Copy !req
664. Sit.Copy !req
665. Congratulations on making it
to the final six candidates.Copy !req
666. Your test results were even
better than I could've hoped.Copy !req
667. Come in.Copy !req
668. Ah.Copy !req
669. Eggsy, I need to have
a private conversation.Copy !req
670. You're dismissed.Copy !req
671. Nonsense.
Let him observe.Copy !req
672. Might learn a thing or two.Copy !req
673. As you wish.
Take a look at this.Copy !req
674. Oh, for God's
sake, I've barely touched you.Copy !req
675. Oh, man up!Copy !req
676. Fucking hell!Copy !req
677. That is rank, Harry.Copy !req
678. You blew up his head?Copy !req
679. It's a bit much, innit?Copy !req
680. Actually, the explosion was
caused by an implant in his neck.Copy !req
681. Here, under the scar.Copy !req
682. Did my hardware pick up
the signal that triggered it?Copy !req
683. Fortunately, yes.Copy !req
684. Unfortunately, the IP
address I traced it to...Copy !req
685. is registered
to the Valentine Corporation.Copy !req
686. That's not much of a lead.Copy !req
687. He has millions of
employees worldwide.Copy !req
688. That Richmond Valentine
is a genius.Copy !req
689. Did you not see
his announcement today?Copy !req
690. No.Copy !req
691. We each spend on average
$2,000 a year...Copy !req
692. on cell phone
and internet usage.Copy !req
693. It gives me great pleasure
to announce...Copy !req
694. those days are over.Copy !req
695. As of tomorrow...Copy !req
696. every man, woman and child
can claim a free SIM card...Copy !req
697. compatible with any cell
phone, any computer...Copy !req
698. and utilize my communications
network for free.Copy !req
699. Free calls...Copy !req
700. free internet...Copy !req
701. for everyone.Copy !req
702. Forever.Copy !req
703. Valentine's assistant
has the same implant scar.Copy !req
704. I think Mr. Valentine and I
should have a téte-é-téte.Copy !req
705. He's having a
gala dinner next week.Copy !req
706. I'll get you an invitation.Copy !req
707. You need to be careful, though.Copy !req
708. Since you've been out, hundreds
of VIPs have gone missing.Copy !req
709. No ransom notes,
exactly like Professor Arnold.Copy !req
710. Then I suggest you make my alias
somebody worth kidnapping.Copy !req
711. Fuck, fuck, fuck!Copy !req
712. What, don't like heights?Copy !req
713. Yeah, it's okay.Copy !req
714. I've done it before, which is
probably why, come to think of it.Copy !req
715. Hey, it's gonna be all right.Copy !req
716. You're top of the class.Copy !req
717. Listen up.Copy !req
718. Your mission is to land in the target
without the radar detecting you.Copy !req
719. If I read you on the radar, or you
miss the target, you go home.Copy !req
720. Is that understood?Copy !req
721. Drop zone coming up, 20 seconds.Copy !req
722. We gotta go.Copy !req
723. Eggsy, I really don't think
I can do this.Copy !req
724. Of course you can't.Copy !req
725. Head to the back
and I'll show you how, yeah?Copy !req
726. Eggsy, wait! Hang on!Copy !req
727. Roxy, just stop fucking about!Copy !req
728. Follow me, yeah?Copy !req
729. Whoo!Copy !req
730. Come on!Copy !req
731. Roxy,
it's now or never.Copy !req
732. Jump!Copy !req
733. Good girl, Rox...Copy !req
734. I'm glad you made it!Copy !req
735. Yeah!Copy !req
736. Come on!Copy !req
737. My, my, you're all
very cheerful.Copy !req
738. Did you really think it was
gonna be that straightforward?Copy !req
739. Any idiot can
read a heads-up display.Copy !req
740. A Kingsman agent needs to be able
to solve problems under pressure.Copy !req
741. Like what to do when one of
your group has no parachute.Copy !req
742. - What, no parachute?
- Shit!Copy !req
743. Who?Copy !req
744. Fuck!Copy !req
745. Which one?Copy !req
746. What do we do?Copy !req
747. I told you.
Aim for the target.Copy !req
748. Come in under the radar.Copy !req
749. And I hope not to be scraping
one of you up.Copy !req
750. But if I do have to, and
you're inside the target...Copy !req
751. please know I'll
be very impressed.Copy !req
752. - Fuck!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
753. Everybody listen,
I've got a plan!Copy !req
754. Pair off! Grab the
closest person to them.Copy !req
755. Rufus, come on!Copy !req
756. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
757. Rufus!Copy !req
758. Oh, shit! I can't!Copy !req
759. Fuck!Copy !req
760. Oh, thank God!Copy !req
761. Rufus, you wanker!Copy !req
762. Shit, we're an odd number now!Copy !req
763. Quick, make a circle!Copy !req
764. Fuck, he's right!
Boys, let's do it.Copy !req
765. We pull our
cords one by one!Copy !req
766. When we know who's fucked...Copy !req
767. the person on
their right grabs them.Copy !req
768. Okay, Eggsy.Copy !req
769. Good plan, Eggsy.Copy !req
770. You have 30 seconds.
Come on now, hurry.Copy !req
771. Me first!Copy !req
772. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
773. Yes!Copy !req
774. Okay, me next.Copy !req
775. See you on the ground, boys.Copy !req
776. Now me.Copy !req
777. Fuck!Copy !req
778. Roxy...Copy !req
779. no matter what happens now,
I've got you, all right?Copy !req
780. Okay, Eggsy-Copy !req
781. Yours first, okay?
- Yep.Copy !req
782. Oh, shit!Copy !req
783. EGGSY'. Shit!Copy !req
784. Shit!Copy !req
785. Rox!Copy !req
786. Fuck.Copy !req
787. Hugo, Digby.Copy !req
788. You don't land in the K,
you're not in the K.Copy !req
789. Rufus, you opened too soon.Copy !req
790. You were all over the radar.Copy !req
791. All three of you,
pack your bags, go home.Copy !req
792. Eggsy, Roxy, congratulations.Copy !req
793. You set a new record.Copy !req
794. Opening at 300 feet...Copy !req
795. that's pretty ballsy.Copy !req
796. Well done for completing another task.
Fall out.Copy !req
797. Sorry, sir.Copy !req
798. But why the fuck did you
choose me as the gimp?Copy !req
799. Am I the expendable candidate?Copy !req
800. No, no, no. You don't
talk to me like that.Copy !req
801. You have a complaint, you come
here and you whisper it in my ear.Copy !req
802. You need to take
that chip off your shoulder.Copy !req
803. Mr. DeVere.
It's a pleasure to meet you.Copy !req
804. I'm awfully sorry. I seem to
have my dates muddled up.Copy !req
805. Oh, no, no, no. I cancelled
the gala because of you.Copy !req
806. Anybody willing
to donate that much...Copy !req
807. deserves their own dinner.
Come in!Copy !req
808. Thank you.Copy !req
809. Got to admit, I was really
intrigued to meet you.Copy !req
810. There aren't many
billionaires I don't know.Copy !req
811. I don't doubt it.Copy !req
812. And, obviously, I had my people
look into your affairs...Copy !req
813. and that's some pretty
old money you're from.Copy !req
814. How'd your folks make it?Copy !req
815. Property, mostly.
Property and the markets.Copy !req
816. Nothing questionable,
if that's your concern.Copy !req
817. Look, I'm just into finding out
what caliber person you are.Copy !req
818. I'm sure you understand that.Copy !req
819. I most certainly do.Copy !req
820. Hope you're hungry.
I'm famished.Copy !req
821. Good.Copy !req
822. Grab a seat.Copy !req
823. I'll have the Big Mac, please.Copy !req
824. Great choice.Copy !req
825. But nothing beats two
cheeseburgers with secret sauce.Copy !req
826. Goes great with this '45 Lafite.Copy !req
827. A classic pairing.Copy !req
828. And may I suggest Twinkies and a
1937 Chéteau d'Yquem for pudding?Copy !req
829. I like it.Copy !req
830. So, you want to
donate to my foundation.Copy !req
831. You are aware that I wound
things down in that area, right?Copy !req
832. Climate change is a threat, which
affects us all, Mr. Valentine.Copy !req
833. And you're one of the few powerful
men who seems to share my concerns.Copy !req
834. No, I shut things down, because
I wasn't getting anywhere.Copy !req
835. Every bit of research kept
pointing to the same thing.Copy !req
836. That carbon emissions
are a red herring...Copy !req
837. and that we're past the point of no return
no matter what remedial actions we take?Copy !req
838. You know your shit.Copy !req
839. I sometimes envy the blissful ignorance
of those less well versed in their...Copy !req
840. "Shit."Copy !req
841. As Professor Arnold
always said...Copy !req
842. "Humankind is the only virus
cursed to live...Copy !req
843. "with the horrifying knowledge of
its host's fragile mortality."Copy !req
844. You know, not a lot of people
knew about him.Copy !req
845. You like spy movies,
Mr. DeVere?Copy !req
846. Nowadays, they're all a
little serious for my taste.Copy !req
847. But the old ones...Copy !req
848. Marvelous.Copy !req
849. Give me a far-fetched
theatrical plot any day.Copy !req
850. The old Bond movies.
Oh, man!Copy !req
851. Oh, when I was a kid,
that was my dream job.Copy !req
852. Gentleman spy.Copy !req
853. I always felt the old Bond films
were only as good as the villain.Copy !req
854. As a child, I rather fancied a
future as a colorful megalomaniac.Copy !req
855. What a shame we both
had to grow up.Copy !req
856. Bon appétit.Copy !req
857. Just give me a couple of days
to think over your proposal.Copy !req
858. I'll have my people
get in touch with yours...Copy !req
859. and it's all good.Copy !req
860. And thank you for
such a happy meal.Copy !req
861. Well, want me to follow him?Copy !req
862. Nah.Copy !req
863. I put a nano tracker gel
in the wine.Copy !req
864. We'll know his every move
for the next 24 hours.Copy !req
865. Finally find out
who he works for.Copy !req
866. Valentine didn't let me
out of his sight.Copy !req
867. All I got was this
on the way in.Copy !req
868. South Glade Mission Church is a
hate group based in Kentucky.Copy !req
869. FBI have been
monitoring them for years.Copy !req
870. But you think Valentine
is a supporter?Copy !req
871. No evidence yet of a direct
connection, but I'll keep looking.Copy !req
872. Oh, by the way...Copy !req
873. our ever-growing list of missing persons
now includes Scandinavian royalty.Copy !req
874. Royal Crown Princess Tilde.Copy !req
875. Just let me out, you psycho!Copy !req
876. I told you, you're free to go
any time you want.Copy !req
877. As long as you agree
to my conditions.Copy !req
878. I don't agree...Copy !req
879. and I am never ever
going to agree!Copy !req
880. Tough shit.Copy !req
881. Bitch.Copy !req
882. I want to speak
to the British Council!Copy !req
883. The list of missing
celebrities and dignitariesCopy !req
884. has continued to grow
in recent weeks...Copy !req
885. and world leaders are coming under
increasing pressure to provide answers.Copy !req
886. We are doing everything in our
power to find Princess Tilde.Copy !req
887. You know, governments and
security forces worldwide. ..Copy !req
888. Are working together to find the
person behind these abductions.Copy !req
889. In other news,
people all over the world...Copy !req
890. continue to wait in line day and
night to get their free SIM cards.Copy !req
891. Mrs. P, did you get one?Copy !req
892. Yeah, I've been
queuing up all day.Copy !req
893. This unprecedented giveaway by
the philanthropist Richmond Valentine...Copy !req
894. has already seen over a
billion cards distributed.Copy !req
895. At ease.Copy !req
896. So you thought we were done
for the day, huh?Copy !req
897. Well, we're not.Copy !req
898. A party?
Tonight, in London.Copy !req
899. - Who's this?
- Your target.Copy !req
900. Your mission is to use
your NLP training...Copy !req
901. to win over the individual on the
photograph in your envelope.Copy !req
902. And when I say "win over"...Copy !req
903. I do mean in the biblical sense.Copy !req
904. Easy.Copy !req
905. Posh girls love a bit of rough.Copy !req
906. We'll see about that, yeah?Copy !req
907. We certainly will.Copy !req
908. Hi!Copy !req
909. Sorry, I just had to come
over and say, amazing eyes.Copy !req
910. Are you wearing color contacts?Copy !req
911. - No!
- You so are.Copy !req
912. Oh, my God, negging!
That's hilarious.Copy !req
913. I haven't heard anyone try
that since the noughties.Copy !req
914. Excuse me?Copy !req
915. "Negging."Copy !req
916. Saying something negative to a pretty girl
in order to undermine her social value.Copy !req
917. It's supposed to make you
want to win his approval.Copy !req
918. Absurdly basic neuro-linguistic
programming technique.Copy !req
919. Is it just me, or does this
champagne taste a little bit funny?Copy !req
920. It's an acquired taste, mate.
I think it's just cheap.Copy !req
921. Get one of these instead.
They're delicious.Copy !req
922. If you're into seduction
techniques, this guy is textbook.Copy !req
923. See what he just did?
It's called an opinion opener.Copy !req
924. He got you talking
with a neutral question...Copy !req
925. got all of us involved
in the conversation...Copy !req
926. so that you craved
individual attention.Copy !req
927. No, I'm just saying
the champagne tastes rank.Copy !req
928. Lady Sophie
Montague-Herring.Copy !req
929. Phone call for you at reception.Copy !req
930. Be right back. We'll see
you in a bit, yeah?Copy !req
931. See you in a bit.Copy !req
932. Budge up, Rox.
I'm feeling a bit rough.Copy !req
933. Are you all right?
No.Copy !req
934. Sorry to eavesdrop...Copy !req
935. but there's a much easier way to
guarantee getting someone home.Copy !req
936. Rohypnol.Copy !req
937. Or even something stronger.Copy !req
938. Who the fuck are you?Copy !req
939. Where am I?Copy !req
940. This knife...Copy !req
941. can save your life, hmm?Copy !req
942. Fuck!Copy !req
943. My employer's got two
questions for you, Eggsy.Copy !req
944. What the fuck is Kingsman?Copy !req
945. And who's Harry Hart?Copy !req
946. I don't know who
the fuck that is!Copy !req
947. Shit!Copy !req
948. Oh, Eggsy, I just killed two of your friends
who gave me the same bullshit answer!Copy !req
949. Fuck!Copy !req
950. Just cut the fucking ropes,
please!Copy !req
951. Hey, Eggsy!Copy !req
952. Is Kingsman worth dying for?Copy !req
953. Fuck you!Copy !req
954. Congratulations.Copy !req
955. Bloody well done.Copy !req
956. How did the others do?Copy !req
957. Roxy passed with flying colors.Copy !req
958. Charlie's up next.
Want to watch?Copy !req
959. Yeah, all right.Copy !req
960. Is Kingsman really
worth dying for?Copy !req
961. No, it fucking isn't!Copy !req
962. Shit, I'll tell you
what you want. Please!Copy !req
963. Chester King is Arthur.Copy !req
964. Arthur's head of a spy agency.
It's called Kingsman.Copy !req
965. Get me out of here!
Thank you, Charlie.Copy !req
966. Much appreciated.Copy !req
967. Come on!
That wasn't the fucking deal!Copy !req
968. Fuck!Copy !req
969. I had such
high hopes for you.Copy !req
970. You're a bloody disgrace.Copy !req
971. Arthur, I'm sorry.Copy !req
972. At least untie me.Copy !req
973. Untie yourself.Copy !req
974. Arthur, please.Copy !req
975. I'm the fucking
son of the... Shit!Copy !req
976. Anyone? Hello?Copy !req
977. Galahad, Percival,
congratulations.Copy !req
978. Your candidates have reached the
final stage of the testing process.Copy !req
979. As tradition allows, you now have
24 hours to spend with them.Copy !req
980. Eggsy, you should know your
father reached this point.Copy !req
981. From now on...Copy !req
982. there are no safety nets,
understood?Copy !req
983. Good. Dismissed.Copy !req
984. Charlie, time to go home.Copy !req
985. Fuck you.Copy !req
986. Fucking dad's gonna
hear about this!Copy !req
987. "To pee or not to pee?"Copy !req
988. That was the headline...Copy !req
989. the day after I defused
a dirty bomb in Paris.Copy !req
990. "Germany 1, England 5."Copy !req
991. Missed that game.Copy !req
992. I was breaking up an undercover
spy ring at the Pentagon.Copy !req
993. My first mission.Copy !req
994. Foiled the assassination
of Margaret Thatcher.Copy !req
995. Not everybody would
thank you for that one.Copy !req
996. The point is, Eggsy, nobody
thanked me for any of them.Copy !req
997. Front page news on all these
occasions was celebrity nonsense.Copy !req
998. Because it's the nature of Kingsman
that our achievements remain secret.Copy !req
999. A gentleman's name should appear
in the newspaper only three times.Copy !req
1000. When he's born, when he
marries, and when he dies.Copy !req
1001. And we are, first and
foremost, gentlemen.Copy !req
1002. That's me fucked then.Copy !req
1003. It's like Charlie said.
I'm just a pleb.Copy !req
1004. Nonsense.Copy !req
1005. Being a gentleman has nothing to do
with the circumstances of one's birth.Copy !req
1006. Being a gentleman
is something one learns.Copy !req
1007. Yeah, but how?Copy !req
1008. All right, first lesson.Copy !req
1009. You should've asked me
before you took a seat.Copy !req
1010. Secondlessonu.Copy !req
1011. How to make a proper martini.Copy !req
1012. Yes, Harry.Copy !req
1013. Goddamn it!
This fucking hurts!Copy !req
1014. You're the one who asked for
a biometric security system.Copy !req
1015. What's wrong with
a simple switch?Copy !req
1016. A simple switch?Copy !req
1017. This is an extremely
dangerous machine.Copy !req
1018. It should only be operated by someone
as responsible and sane as me.Copy !req
1019. Bad shit could happen if this
falls into the wrong hands.Copy !req
1020. Whoa!Copy !req
1021. We done here? Shit!Copy !req
1022. No. Now this one.Copy !req
1023. For the test at the church.Copy !req
1024. This one just
has a short range.Copy !req
1025. A simple switch will do.Copy !req
1026. So are you gonna teach
me how to talk proper,Copy !req
1027. like in My Fair Lady?Copy !req
1028. Don't be absurd.Copy !req
1029. Being a gentleman has nothing
to do with one's accent.Copy !req
1030. It's about being at ease
in one's own skin.Copy !req
1031. As Hemingway said,
"There is nothing noble...Copy !req
1032. "in being superior
to your fellow man.Copy !req
1033. "True nobility is being
superior to your former self."Copy !req
1034. Now, the first thing every
gentleman needs is a good suit.Copy !req
1035. By which I mean, a bespoke suit.
Never off-the-peg.Copy !req
1036. And Kingsman suits
are always bulletproof.Copy !req
1037. So let's get you measured, and then,
whether you get the job or not...Copy !req
1038. you'll have a lasting and useful
memento of your time at Kingsman.Copy !req
1039. I'm so sorry, sir, but a gentleman
is completing his fitting.Copy !req
1040. Fitting Room Two is available.Copy !req
1041. One does not use Fitting Room Two
when one is popping one's cherry.Copy !req
1042. Perhaps I'll show you Fitting
Room Three while we wait.Copy !req
1043. So we going up or down?Copy !req
1044. Neither.Copy !req
1045. Is this it?Copy !req
1046. Of course not.
Pull the hook on your left.Copy !req
1047. Oh, yes.Copy !req
1048. Very, very nice.Copy !req
1049. You're going to need a pair of
shoes to go with your suit.Copy !req
1050. An oxford is any formal shoe
with open lacing.Copy !req
1051. This additional decorative
piece is called broguing.Copy !req
1052. "Oxfords not brogues."Copy !req
1053. Words to live by, Eggsy.Copy !req
1054. Words to live by.
Try a pair.Copy !req
1055. Your weapon scores
are excellent, by the way.Copy !req
1056. These you are familiar with, and
this is our standard issue pistol.Copy !req
1057. It's quite unique,
as you'll see.Copy !req
1058. It also fires
a shotgun cartridgeCopy !req
1059. for use in messy
close-range situations.Copy !req
1060. How do they feel?
Yeah, good.Copy !req
1061. Now do your
very best impersonation...Copy !req
1062. of a German aristocrat's
formal greeting.Copy !req
1063. No, Eggsy.Copy !req
1064. That is sick.Copy !req
1065. In the old days, they had a
phone in the heel as well.Copy !req
1066. How do I get it back in?Copy !req
1067. Well, it's coated in one of theCopy !req
1068. fastest acting neurotoxins
known to man...Copy !req
1069. so very carefully.Copy !req
1070. Now, I've had a
lot of fun with this.Copy !req
1071. One of our finest examples
of chemical engineering.Copy !req
1072. A poison,
harmless when ingested...Copy !req
1073. but at a time
convenient to you...Copy !req
1074. can be remotely activated.
Primed.Copy !req
1075. Lethal.Copy !req
1076. What about these?
What do these do?Copy !req
1077. Electrocute you?
Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
1078. It's a hand grenade.
Shut up!Copy !req
1079. If you want to electrocute someone,
you'll need a signet ring.Copy !req
1080. A gentleman traditionally wears
the signet on his left hand.Copy !req
1081. But a Kingsman wears it on whichever
hand happens to be dominant.Copy !req
1082. Touch the contact
behind the ring...Copy !req
1083. it delivers 50,000 volts.Copy !req
1084. And what about them?
What makes them so special?Copy !req
1085. Nothing.Copy !req
1086. That technology has caught
up with the spy world.Copy !req
1087. Put it back, Eggsy.Copy !req
1088. Ah. Perfect timing.Copy !req
1089. The gentleman's just finished.Copy !req
1090. Mr. DeVere!Copy !req
1091. What a coincidence.Copy !req
1092. You are totally
the reason I'm here.Copy !req
1093. When you left my house...Copy !req
1094. I was thirsting for that dope-ass
smoking jacket you had on.Copy !req
1095. And since I'm going
to Royal Ascot...Copy !req
1096. and, apparently, you need one
of these penguin suits...Copy !req
1097. here I am.Copy !req
1098. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1099. What's up, man?Copy !req
1100. Richmond Valentine.Copy !req
1101. This is my new valet. I was just
introducing him to my tailor.Copy !req
1102. Another coincidence.
So am I.Copy !req
1103. Have you had any chance to
think further on my proposal?Copy !req
1104. Most definitely.Copy !req
1105. My people will be getting
in touch with you very soon.Copy !req
1106. I guarantee it.Copy !req
1107. A word of advice.Copy !req
1108. Ascot requires top hat.Copy !req
1109. I might suggest
Lock and Co. Hatters.Copy !req
1110. Saint James's.Copy !req
1111. "Lox" as in smoked fish?Copy !req
1112. As in, "locked up."Copy !req
1113. Oh.Copy !req
1114. I have trouble understanding
you people sometimes.Copy !req
1115. You all talk so funny.Copy !req
1116. Gentlemen, would you
look after him, please?Copy !req
1117. Now this...Copy !req
1118. is a dope-ass top hat.Copy !req
1119. Gazelle, let's go ascoting.Copy !req
1120. Your hat looks fine, Gazelle.Copy !req
1121. Come on! Don't make me
late for the queen.Copy !req
1122. Come on, Gazelle!
We're gonna be late.Copy !req
1123. How far is Ascot?Copy !req
1124. How far?Copy !req
1125. Merlin said you
wanted to see me, sir?Copy !req
1126. Sit down.Copy !req
1127. Pretty dog.Copy !req
1128. What's his name?Copy !req
1129. J.B.Copy !req
1130. As in "James Bond"?
No.Copy !req
1131. "Jason Bourne"?Copy !req
1132. No. "Jack Bauer."Copy !req
1133. Oh!Copy !req
1134. Bravo.Copy !req
1135. it pains me to admit it...Copy !req
1136. but I think that one day,
you might be as good a spy...Copy !req
1137. as any of them.Copy !req
1138. Take it.Copy !req
1139. Shoot the dog.Copy !req
1140. This weapon is live.Copy !req
1141. Shoot the dog.Copy !req
1142. Give me the gun.Copy !req
1143. At least the girl's got balls.Copy !req
1144. Get out.Copy !req
1145. I knew you couldn't make it.Copy !req
1146. Go home.Copy !req
1147. Merlin, send in Roxy, please.Copy !req
1148. Welcome to Kingsman...Copy !req
1149. Lancelot.Copy !req
1150. Mum!Copy !req
1151. Eggsy!Copy !req
1152. Oh, God.
Where have you been?Copy !req
1153. I've been so worried about you.Copy !req
1154. Oh, my days.
Look how big you've grown!Copy !req
1155. Where is he?
I'm fine.Copy !req
1156. Eggsy, please,
just don't get involved.Copy !req
1157. No, I should never have
left you on your own.Copy !req
1158. This stops right now.Copy !req
1159. I'll be right back.Copy !req
1160. Eggsy.Copy !req
1161. Oi, Dean!Copy !req
1162. Oh, Mugsy,
so you're back.Copy !req
1163. What, you gone and nicked
a fucking taxi, now?Copy !req
1164. Yeah.Copy !req
1165. Can I have a word
about my mum's black eye?Copy !req
1166. You want to have a word with
me, you get out of that cab...Copy !req
1167. I'll knock you straight back
down on your fucking arse.Copy !req
1168. Tell your muppets to go
inside, then I'll get out.Copy !req
1169. Go on, lads.
It'll be two hits.Copy !req
1170. Me hitting him,
him hitting the floor.Copy !req
1171. Come on, then, you prick.Copy !req
1172. Let's see what you got.
Want a bit of me?Copy !req
1173. What are you doing?Copy !req
1174. No, no, no!
Get out of the fucking car!Copy !req
1175. What are you doing?
Where you going, you mug?Copy !req
1176. Go on, you got no bollocks!Copy !req
1177. Come on, bruv,
he hit my fucking mum!Copy !req
1178. Come back when you've
grown a pair!Copy !req
1179. Mugsy!Copy !req
1180. You throw away...Copy !req
1181. your biggest opportunity
over a fucking dog.Copy !req
1182. And then you humiliate me
by stealing my boss's car.Copy !req
1183. You shot a dog
just to get a fucking job.Copy !req
1184. Yes, I did.Copy !req
1185. And Mr. Pickle here reminds me of
that every time I take a shit!Copy !req
1186. You shot your dog
and had it stuffed?Copy !req
1187. You fucking freak.Copy !req
1188. No, I shot my dog...Copy !req
1189. and then I brought him home and
continued to care for him...Copy !req
1190. for the next 11 years
until he died of pancreatitis.Copy !req
1191. What?
It was a blank, Eggsy.Copy !req
1192. It was a fucking blank.Copy !req
1193. Remember Amelia?Copy !req
1194. Yeah.Copy !req
1195. She didn't drown.Copy !req
1196. She works in our tech department
in Berlin. She's fine.Copy !req
1197. Limits must be tested...Copy !req
1198. a Kingsman only condones the
risking of a life to save another.Copy !req
1199. Like my dad saved your life
eventhough your fuck-up cost his.Copy !req
1200. Or have you got him
stuffed here and all?Copy !req
1201. Can't you see that everything I've done
has been about trying to repay him?Copy !req
1202. Harry, listen to this.Copy !req
1203. Valentine is at last
saying something of note.Copy !req
1204. Do you know what
I love about pen and paper?Copy !req
1205. Nobody can hack into this shit.Copy !req
1206. Our worldwide tour
was a complete success.Copy !req
1207. We have total coverall.Copy !req
1208. Like when all your numbers
in bingo are crossed out.Copy !req
1209. Bingo?Copy !req
1210. Bingo, the game.
You have played bingo, right?Copy !req
1211. Do I look like I play bingo?Copy !req
1212. Point is...Copy !req
1213. if our tests go well at the church
tomorrow, we are good to go.Copy !req
1214. South Glade Mission Church.Copy !req
1215. - Merlin, get the plane ready.
- Will do.Copy !req
1216. Harry, I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna do whatever—Copy !req
1217. You should be.Copy !req
1218. You just stay right there. I'll
sort this mess out when I get back.Copy !req
1219. And I say to you...Copy !req
1220. bear witness!Copy !req
1221. Watch the news.
Watch the news.Copy !req
1222. AIDS!Copy !req
1223. Floods!Copy !req
1224. The blood of
the innocent, spilled!Copy !req
1225. And yet, there are those who
doubt this is the wrath of God.Copy !req
1226. Our filthy government condones
sodomy, divorce, abortion!Copy !req
1227. And yet, some still doubt...Copy !req
1228. this is the work
of the antichrist!Copy !req
1229. You do not have to be
a Jew, a nigger, a whore...Copy !req
1230. or an atheistic, science-loving
evolution spouter...Copy !req
1231. Charming sermon.Copy !req
1232. Can you see Valentine anywhere?Copy !req
1233. So, my friends...Copy !req
1234. although he is a just God,
he is justly a vengeful one...Copy !req
1235. and there can be
no turning back...Copy !req
1236. from the almighty wrath...Copy !req
1237. Are you sure we're out of range?Copy !req
1238. We're over 1,000 feet away.
What's wrong?Copy !req
1239. What if the calculations
are wrong?Copy !req
1240. You just have to trust me.Copy !req
1241. Jew, nigger, fag lovers, and
the devil is burning them...Copy !req
1242. for all eternity.Copy !req
1243. Would you excuse me?Copy !req
1244. Where are you going?Copy !req
1245. Hey! What's your problem?Copy !req
1246. I'm a Catholic whore...Copy !req
1247. currently enjoying congress out of wedlock
with my black, Jewish boyfriend...Copy !req
1248. who works in a military
abortion clinic.Copy !req
1249. So, hail Satan...Copy !req
1250. and have a lovely
afternoon, madam.Copy !req
1251. Oh, shit.
He's leaving.Copy !req
1252. I'm starting the test now.Copy !req
1253. Let's hope enough of these
freaks have our SIM cards.Copy !req
1254. I kindly ask you
to sit down,Copy !req
1255. my friend!Copy !req
1256. Just leave this church!Copy !req
1257. You just leave this church
like the infidel you are!Copy !req
1258. Satan cannot save you now!
You will eat your babies.Copy !req
1259. You will drown in the
blood of the Lord!Copy !req
1260. He will not save you!Copy !req
1261. Holy fuck!Copy !req
1262. Oh, shit, I can't watch this.Copy !req
1263. Get over here.Copy !req
1264. Lord, I can't changeCopy !req
1265. Won't you fly high, free bird
YeahCopy !req
1266. Jeez! Fuck.Copy !req
1267. Galahad,
can you hear me?Copy !req
1268. Harry!Copy !req
1269. Harry, what the heck
is going on?Copy !req
1270. Could you turn
the volume down, please?Copy !req
1271. I didn't expect it
to be that effective.Copy !req
1272. What kind of response
are we talking?Copy !req
1273. 100 percent.Copy !req
1274. So,
everyone's been affected,Copy !req
1275. whether they have
a SIM card or not.Copy !req
1276. And we get the added benefit
of wiping out the Kingsman.Copy !req
1277. Not yet.Copy !req
1278. Oh, you need to see this.Copy !req
1279. What did you do to me?Copy !req
1280. I had no control.Copy !req
1281. I killed all those people.Copy !req
1282. I wanted to.Copy !req
1283. Clever, isn't it?Copy !req
1284. In simple terms,
it's a neurological wave...Copy !req
1285. that triggers the centers
of aggression...Copy !req
1286. and switches off inhibitors.Copy !req
1287. Transmitted through your
nasty, free SIM cards,Copy !req
1288. I assume.Copy !req
1289. Do you know what this is like?Copy !req
1290. It's like those old
movies we both love.Copy !req
1291. Now, I'm going to
tell you my whole plan...Copy !req
1292. and then I'm going to come upCopy !req
1293. with some absurd and
convoluted way to kill you...Copy !req
1294. and you'll find an equally
convoluted way to escape.Copy !req
1295. Sounds good to me.Copy !req
1296. Well, this ain't
that kind of movie.Copy !req
1297. No!Copy !req
1298. Is he dead?Copy !req
1299. That tends to happen when you
shoot someone in the head.Copy !req
1300. It feels good, right?Copy !req
1301. No, no, it does not feel good.
It feels fucking awful.Copy !req
1302. What? You just killed how
many people in that church?Copy !req
1303. This is one guy.Copy !req
1304. No, no, they killed each other.Copy !req
1305. Okay, send out
the countdown clock.Copy !req
1306. This party starts tomorrow.Copy !req
1307. Arthur?Copy !req
1308. Are you there?Copy !req
1309. Sadly, I am.Copy !req
1310. Assemble the Kingsmen.Copy !req
1311. Can't you see that
everything I've doneCopy !req
1312. has been about
trying to repay him?Copy !req
1313. I see a young man
with potential...Copy !req
1314. who wants to do something
good with his life.Copy !req
1315. Arthur, Harry's dead.Copy !req
1316. Galahad is dead.Copy !req
1317. Hence, we have just drunk
a toast to him.Copy !req
1318. Well, then you know
what that psycho's doing.Copy !req
1319. How many people around the world
have got those SIM cards?Copy !req
1320. Valentine can send his signal
to any of them, all of them.Copy !req
1321. If they all go homicidal
at the same time then—Copy !req
1322. Indeed, and thanks
to Galahad's recordings...Copy !req
1323. we have Valentine's confession.Copy !req
1324. The intelligence has been passed
on to the relevant authorities.Copy !req
1325. Our work is complete...Copy !req
1326. and a most distinguished legacyCopy !req
1327. for our fallen friend,
it is, too.Copy !req
1328. And that's it?Copy !req
1329. Come sit down, boy.Copy !req
1330. This is an 1815
Napoleonic brandy.Copy !req
1331. And we only drink it
when we lose a Kingsman.Copy !req
1332. Galahad was very fond of you.Copy !req
1333. And on this occasion...Copy !req
1334. I think it's acceptable for us
to bend the rules a little.Copy !req
1335. Are these all Kingsmen?Copy !req
1336. Yes, they're founder members.Copy !req
1337. I want you to join me
in a toast.Copy !req
1338. To Galahad.Copy !req
1339. To Galahad.Copy !req
1340. Harry says you don't like
to break rules, Arthur.Copy !req
1341. Why now?Copy !req
1342. You're very good, Eggsy.Copy !req
1343. Perhaps I will make you my
proposal for Galahad's position.Copy !req
1344. Provided, of course,
that we can see eye to eye...Copy !req
1345. on certain political matters.Copy !req
1346. Can you guess...Copy !req
1347. what this is?Copy !req
1348. I don't have to.
Harry showed me.Copy !req
1349. You click it. I die.Copy !req
1350. I thought that brandy
tasted a bit shit.Copy !req
1351. Bravo.Copy !req
1352. Valentine won you over, somehow.Copy !req
1353. Once he explained, I understood.Copy !req
1354. When you get a virus...Copy !req
1355. you get a fever.Copy !req
1356. That's the human body raising its
core temperature to kill the virus.Copy !req
1357. Planet Earth works the same way.Copy !req
1358. Global warming is the fever.Copy !req
1359. Mankind is the virus.Copy !req
1360. We're making our planet sick.Copy !req
1361. A cull is our only hope.Copy !req
1362. If we don't reduce
our population ourselves...Copy !req
1363. there is only one of
two ways this can go.Copy !req
1364. The host kills the virus,
or the virus kills the host.Copy !req
1365. Either way...Copy !req
1366. The result is the same.Copy !req
1367. The virus dies.Copy !req
1368. So Valentine's gonna take care of
the population problem himself.Copy !req
1369. Well, if we don't do
something, nature will.Copy !req
1370. Sometimes a culling is the only way to
ensure that this species survives...Copy !req
1371. and history
will see Valentine...Copy !req
1372. as the man who saved
humanity from extinction.Copy !req
1373. And he gets to pick and choose
who gets culled, does he?Copy !req
1374. All his rich mates,
they get to live...Copy !req
1375. and anyone he thinks is worth
saving, he's keeping them safe...Copy !req
1376. whether they agree
with him or not.Copy !req
1377. And you, Eggsy.Copy !req
1378. In Harry's honor...Copy !req
1379. lam inviting you
to be part of a new world.Copy !req
1380. It's time to make your decision.Copy !req
1381. I'd rather be with Harry.Copy !req
1382. Thanks.Copy !req
1383. So be it.Copy !req
1384. The problem with us
common types...Copy !req
1385. is that we're
light-fingered.Copy !req
1386. Kingsman's taught me a lot...Copy !req
1387. but sleight of hand...Copy !req
1388. Yes, they're founder members.Copy !req
1389. I had that down already.Copy !req
1390. You dirty little fucking...Copy !req
1391. prick.Copy !req
1392. It's okay, Lancelot.
Put it down.Copy !req
1393. It's verified.Copy !req
1394. Arthur's phone is receiving update
texts about getting to safety.Copy !req
1395. We don't have a lot of time.
What are you going to do?Copy !req
1396. The question is,
what are we going to do?Copy !req
1397. God knows who's in Valentine's
pocket and who's not.Copy !req
1398. We have no choice.Copy !req
1399. We are gonna have to deal
with this ourselves.Copy !req
1400. Follow me.Copy !req
1401. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
1402. I have no idea.Copy !req
1403. What you're playing with...Copy !req
1404. is a prototype personal
transatmospheric vehicle.Copy !req
1405. It was developed as part of
Reagan's Star Wars project.Copy !req
1406. It's pretty basic,
but it should still work.Copy !req
1407. We're gonna take out
one of Valentine's satellites.Copy !req
1408. We're gonna break the chain,
stop the signal.Copy !req
1409. It'll take him a couple
of hours to reroute it...Copy !req
1410. which buys us enough time for you to
get me into Valentine's mainframe...Copy !req
1411. so I can shut it down.Copy !req
1412. Lancelot, you're going to
be using it.Copy !req
1413. Get into your halo suit.Copy !req
1414. Swedish Prime Minister,
requesting permission to land.Copy !req
1415. Permission granted.Copy !req
1416. Please.
Thank you.Copy !req
1417. How many more
are we expecting?Copy !req
1418. Not many.
Most have their own bunkers.Copy !req
1419. I figure we're just getting
the really nervous ones.Copy !req
1420. Welcome,
Prime Minister.Copy !req
1421. It seems the implant can
emit some kind of counter signal...Copy !req
1422. to ensure the wearer remains unaffected
by the waves from the SIM cards.Copy !req
1423. The waves that turn everyone
into a psycho killer.Copy !req
1424. Quite. But what he probably
didn't tell anyone...Copy !req
1425. is it can also super heat their
soft tissue at his command.Copy !req
1426. Valentine selected his chosen few
to get the countdown warning...Copy !req
1427. but he had to be sure they didn't
blab to the wrong people beforehand.Copy !req
1428. How does this help us right now?Copy !req
1429. It doesn't.Copy !req
1430. Roxy, here we go!Copy !req
1431. The higher you go,
the more the balloons expand.Copy !req
1432. When you reach the edge
of the atmosphere...Copy !req
1433. they'll explode.Copy !req
1434. You'll need to deploy your
missile just before that, okay?Copy !req
1435. Edge of the atmosphere.Copy !req
1436. And once you've deployed, you'll
need to release for descent, fast.Copy !req
1437. Good luck.Copy !req
1438. You can do this, okay?
Yeah.Copy !req
1439. Eggsy, come on.
Time is not our friend.Copy !req
1440. You're getting in
on Arthur's invitation.Copy !req
1441. You're gonna need to blend in.Copy !req
1442. I'm supposed to be Arthur?Copy !req
1443. His invitation is in his phone.
You give them this.Copy !req
1444. Give his real name,
Chester King.Copy !req
1445. What about you?Copy !req
1446. I'm your pilot.
I'm gonna stay here.Copy !req
1447. Is that gonna fit me?Copy !req
1448. A bespoke suit always fits.Copy !req
1449. Just be grateful
Harry had it made for you.Copy !req
1450. Get dressed.Copy !req
1451. What the fuck's wrong with them?Copy !req
1452. I don't know. Could have something
to do with the mass genocide.Copy !req
1453. Give me the mic.Copy !req
1454. Hey-oh!Copy !req
1455. Everybody, listen up!
Hello, hello!Copy !req
1456. What the fuck is wrong
with you people?Copy !req
1457. I just wanna remind
you that today...Copy !req
1458. is a day of celebration.Copy !req
1459. We must put aside
all thoughts of death...Copy !req
1460. and focus on birth.Copy !req
1461. The birth of a new age.Copy !req
1462. We mustn't mourn those
who give their lives today.Copy !req
1463. We should honor
their sacrifice...Copy !req
1464. Has she got my number to call me back?
I got a new phone.Copy !req
1465. and their roles...Copy !req
1466. in saving the human race.Copy !req
1467. We must put aside
doubt and guilt.Copy !req
1468. You are the chosen people.Copy !req
1469. When folks tell their kids
the story of Noah's Ark...Copy !req
1470. - is Noah the bad guy?
- No!Copy !req
1471. Is God the bad guy?Copy !req
1472. No!Copy !req
1473. How about the animals
marching two by two?Copy !req
1474. - No!
- Of course not!Copy !req
1475. Yeah, that's it!Copy !req
1476. Let's turn those frowns
upside down.Copy !req
1477. Eat, drink...Copy !req
1478. and party!Copy !req
1479. And I will see you all
in the new age.Copy !req
1480. Rox, it's me.Copy !req
1481. How's the view?Copy !req
1482. - Hideous.
- Mine's pretty sweet.Copy !req
1483. They made you one
of these suits yet?Copy !req
1484. No, not yet.Copy !req
1485. You've got something to
look forward to then.Copy !req
1486. We're coming up on Valentine's base.
Gotta go.Copy !req
1487. Good luck.Copy !req
1488. Looking good, Eggsy.Copy !req
1489. Feeling good, Merlin.Copy !req
1490. This is November-2-4-7-Charlie-Kilo. ..Copy !req
1491. Requesting permission to land.Copy !req
1492. Permission is granted.Copy !req
1493. Fuck me.Copy !req
1494. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
1495. Eggsy, we're on.Copy !req
1496. Chester King.Copy !req
1497. Mr. King, welcome.Copy !req
1498. I'm sure you've adhered to Valentine's
strict no-weapons policy...Copy !req
1499. but if you don't object...
Of course.Copy !req
1500. Thank you.Copy !req
1501. Do you have anyluggage?Copy !req
1502. Congratulations, Mycroft,Copy !req
1503. you just graduated
from my pilot to my valet.Copy !req
1504. You cheeky—
Understood?Copy !req
1505. Good.Copy !req
1506. Thank you.Copy !req
1507. Eggsy,
find a laptop, get me online.Copy !req
1508. The clock is ticking.Copy !req
1509. And remember, try to blend in.Copy !req
1510. Would sir care for a drink?Copy !req
1511. Martini.Copy !req
1512. Gin, not vodka, obviously.Copy !req
1513. Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing
at an unopened bottle of vermouth.Copy !req
1514. Thank you.Copy !req
1515. Merlin, are you clocking this?Copy !req
1516. Yes, I am. Stay focused.Copy !req
1517. Lancelot, you're doing great.
Not much further to go.Copy !req
1518. Yes, Merlin.Copy !req
1519. Eggsy, get me online now.Copy !req
1520. Yep, I'm on it.Copy !req
1521. Lancelot, you're approaching
your altitude limit.Copy !req
1522. Those balloons
won't last much longer.Copy !req
1523. Prepare to engage missile.Copy !req
1524. Society's dead.Copy !req
1525. Long live society.Copy !req
1526. Amen to that.Copy !req
1527. I'm Morten Lindstrém.
Chester King.Copy !req
1528. How'd you get online?
I couldn't.Copy !req
1529. Oh, well, it's a closed
network, you see.Copy !req
1530. Pre-authorized
connections only.Copy !req
1531. Ah.Copy !req
1532. I've got a fix
on the satellite.Copy !req
1533. Do you have
the correct time?Copy !req
1534. I think I'm still
in my last time zone.Copy !req
1535. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Let's see now.Copy !req
1536. Eggsy, I'm in.Copy !req
1537. Get your arse back
to the plane, now.Copy !req
1538. On my way.
Lancelot, good luck!Copy !req
1539. Firing in 3... 2...Copy !req
1540. Nice and slow.Copy !req
1541. Fuck are you doing here?Copy !req
1542. Well, my family
were invited, obviously.Copy !req
1543. Now, get the fuck up!
Slowly.Copy !req
1544. Oh, shit. Lancelot,
hurry up and fire!Copy !req
1545. That other balloon is gonna blow!Copy !req
1546. Yes, Merlin. I've nearly got it.
Give me a second!Copy !req
1547. Valentine!
I've caught a fucking spy!Copy !req
1548. V-Glass, zoom.Copy !req
1549. Oh, fuck!
It's that young valet.Copy !req
1550. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
1551. Got it!Copy !req
1552. Oh, shit.
Sound the alarm!Copy !req
1553. I'm not taking any chances.Copy !req
1554. Okay, you send out
the two-minute warning.Copy !req
1555. I'm starting the override.
All right, let's do this.Copy !req
1556. Countdown initiated.Copy !req
1557. - You see him?
- Right here.Copy !req
1558. Eggsy, take a left.Copy !req
1559. Two guards, up ahead.Copy !req
1560. Lancelot! Release now!Copy !req
1561. Eggsy, straight ahead, then right.Copy !req
1562. There's two more.Copy !req
1563. All right, everybody on your feet!Copy !req
1564. Countdown to V-day!Copy !req
1565. Welcome in the new age!Copy !req
1566. Flat spin.Copy !req
1567. Eggsy, next left,
down the narrow tunnel!Copy !req
1568. Here we go!Copy !req
1569. 10...Copy !req
1570. 9...Copy !req
1571. 8...Copy !req
1572. 7...Copy !req
1573. 6...Copy !req
1574. 5...Copy !req
1575. 4...Copy !req
1576. 3...Copy !req
1577. 2...Copy !req
1578. 1!Copy !req
1579. Nice! Well done, both of you.Copy !req
1580. It's not working!Copy !req
1581. It's supposed to be working!
What the fuck?Copy !req
1582. Yes!Copy !req
1583. Well done, Rox. Good girl.Copy !req
1584. We've lost one
of our satellites.Copy !req
1585. Oh, no, no. There's no way
I can hack past that.Copy !req
1586. What's going on?Copy !req
1587. Is there a problem?Copy !req
1588. Come on.
There's no need for guns.Copy !req
1589. I'm just a pilot.Copy !req
1590. Oh, fuck. Merlin!Copy !req
1591. Get in here!Copy !req
1592. Come on!Copy !req
1593. Let's get the fuck out of here!Copy !req
1594. We can't.Copy !req
1595. I can't get into Valentine's machine.Copy !req
1596. He's got biometric security.Copy !req
1597. You're gonna have to get in thereCopy !req
1598. and make sure his hand
never touches that desk.Copy !req
1599. Are you taking the fucking piss?Copy !req
1600. I'm afraid not.Copy !req
1601. Let's have that then.Copy !req
1602. Uh-uh.Copy !req
1603. This is mine.Copy !req
1604. I'll show you yours.Copy !req
1605. Good choice.Copy !req
1606. How long to re-link
the satellite chain?Copy !req
1607. It'll take an hour, maybe two.Copy !req
1608. Bullshit! Just bring these two
closer together.Copy !req
1609. But that's not yours.Copy !req
1610. V-Glass, call E-man.Copy !req
1611. E, it's V.Copy !req
1612. Listen, man, I got a
little hiccup on this end.Copy !req
1613. I need to piggyback.Copy !req
1614. One of my satellites
just went down,Copy !req
1615. but it's right next
to one of yours.Copy !req
1616. You read my mind.Copy !req
1617. How long before you
make that happen?Copy !req
1618. Go.Copy !req
1619. All right, we should be
coming back online.Copy !req
1620. 10 percent.Copy !req
1621. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1622. Eggsy, Valentine's using
someone else's satellite.Copy !req
1623. He's going to
reconnect the chain.Copy !req
1624. It's going to take him
no time at all.Copy !req
1625. It's at 20 percent.Copy !req
1626. Eggsy, it seems Valentine's got a
present for you. Get a move on!Copy !req
1627. Is that Kingsman kid dead yet?Copy !req
1628. Not yet, but he will be soon.Copy !req
1629. Good.Copy !req
1630. Merlin, I'm fucked.Copy !req
1631. As am I.Copy !req
1632. They're coming at me from both sides.
I'm out of options.Copy !req
1633. Rox.
Rox, I need a favor.Copy !req
1634. Call my mum.Copy !req
1635. Tell her to lock herself
away from Dean.Copy !req
1636. And the baby...Copy !req
1637. and tell her I love her.Copy !req
1638. Oh, for fuck's sake.Copy !req
1639. Merlin, remember those implants
you said were of no use to us?Copy !req
1640. Any chance you can turn them on?Copy !req
1641. All right.Copy !req
1642. My turn to play, Valentine.Copy !req
1643. Oh, no!Copy !req
1644. What the fuck is he doing?
I can't stop this.Copy !req
1645. Yes, please.Copy !req
1646. No!Copy !req
1647. On, my God!Copy !req
1648. That is fucking spectacular!Copy !req
1649. Merlin, you're a fucking genius!Copy !req
1650. What the fuck
is happening out there?Copy !req
1651. Aren't you that princess
who went missing?Copy !req
1652. Can you get me out?Copy !req
1653. If I do, will you give me a kiss?Copy !req
1654. I've always wanted
to kiss a princess.Copy !req
1655. If you get me out right now, I'll
give you more than just a kiss.Copy !req
1656. You motherfucker.Copy !req
1657. Did you really think
I was stupid enough...Copy !req
1658. to implant one of those
things in my own head?Copy !req
1659. What are you, fucking crazy?Copy !req
1660. All those innocent people
killed and for what?Copy !req
1661. You didn't stop shit!Copy !req
1662. Fine, I've locked the door.
What do you want me to do now?Copy !req
1663. As I said, put your daughter in the
bathroom and throw away the key.Copy !req
1664. It's still happening!Copy !req
1665. You're fucking insane!Copy !req
1666. Just do it.Copy !req
1667. Eggsy, the signal's started!Copy !req
1668. Get Valentine's hand off
that bloody desk now!Copy !req
1669. Sorry, love.Copy !req
1670. Got to save the world.Copy !req
1671. If you save the world...Copy !req
1672. we can do it in the asshole.Copy !req
1673. I'll be right back.Copy !req
1674. Good luck!Copy !req
1675. London.Copy !req
1676. Rio.Copy !req
1677. Get down!Copy !req
1678. You did it!Copy !req
1679. The glass is not
gonna hold long.Copy !req
1680. You stay here.Copy !req
1681. Merlin, quickly,
how do I get up there?Copy !req
1682. Keep shooting, I'll find a route.
Understood.Copy !req
1683. Holy fuck!Copy !req
1684. We're back up.Copy !req
1685. We're back up!Copy !req
1686. This is great!Copy !req
1687. Eggsy!Copy !req
1688. Fucking get on with it!Copy !req
1689. Kick his ass, Gazy!Copy !req
1690. Baby, give it up
Give it upCopy !req
1691. Baby, give it upCopy !req
1692. Seoul, Caracas, Mumbai!Copy !req
1693. Baby, give it up
Give it upCopy !req
1694. Baby, give it upCopy !req
1695. Kill that motherfucker!
He killed all our friends!Copy !req
1696. Eggsy, the world is
going to shit!Copy !req
1697. Is he dead yet?
Not yet!Copy !req
1698. Stop playing with your food!Copy !req
1699. Kill him!Copy !req
1700. Gazelle!Copy !req
1701. Gazelle!Copy !req
1702. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
1703. Kill him!Copy !req
1704. Hey!Copy !req
1705. Well done, son!Copy !req
1706. Whoo! Yes!Copy !req
1707. Yes, Eggsy!Copy !req
1708. Well done, Eggsy!Copy !req
1709. And you, Lancelot.Copy !req
1710. I'm so sorry.
Mummy would never hurt you.Copy !req
1711. Mummy would never hurt you.
I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1712. Are you okay?Copy !req
1713. Harry would be
proud of you, Eggsy.Copy !req
1714. He was right.Copy !req
1715. What's up, man?Copy !req
1716. Is this the part where you
say some really bad pun?Copy !req
1717. Well, it's like
you said to Harry.Copy !req
1718. This ain't that kind
of movie, bruv.Copy !req
1719. Perfect.Copy !req
1720. Eggsy, where are you going?Copy !req
1721. There's no need for champagne.
We got loads in the plane.Copy !req
1722. Did you save the world?Copy !req
1723. Yes, I did.Copy !req
1724. So, you gonna come in?Copy !req
1725. Yes, I am.Copy !req
1726. Slave to loveCopy !req
1727. Merlin, the cell's locked.
How do I get in?Copy !req
1728. 26-25.Copy !req
1729. Merlin, you're the guvnor.Copy !req
1730. You owe me, Eggsy.Copy !req
1731. Eggsy?Copy !req
1732. Oh.Copy !req
1733. Oh, my word.Copy !req
1734. The storm is breakingCopy !req
1735. Or so it seemsCopy !req
1736. We're too young to reasonCopy !req
1737. Too grown up to dreamCopy !req
1738. Now spring is turningCopy !req
1739. Your face to mineCopy !req
1740. I can hear your laughterCopy !req
1741. I can see your smileCopy !req
1742. Slave to loveCopy !req
1743. Slave to loveCopy !req
1744. I can't escapeCopy !req
1745. I'm a slave to love
Slave to loveCopy !req
1746. Michelle, turn that shit off.
It's doing my nut in.Copy !req
1747. I rather like that song.Copy !req
1748. Leave it on, eh, Mum?Copy !req
1749. Mugsy's back.Copy !req
1750. You've finally come to have that
word with me, have you, son?Copy !req
1751. Or are you gonna
run away again...Copy !req
1752. and pretend you're going to
court, dressed like that?Copy !req
1753. Oh, you mean this?Copy !req
1754. No.Copy !req
1755. I know this bloke who's just taken
over a tailor shop on Savile Row.Copy !req
1756. He's given me a job, Mum.Copy !req
1757. It comes with a lot of perks.Copy !req
1758. Including a house.Copy !req
1759. Come and live
with me there, Mum.Copy !req
1760. Come on.Copy !req
1761. Sit down, you.Copy !req
1762. Only place she'll be visiting
is you in fucking hospital.Copy !req
1763. - Do you hear?
- Just leave him alone, Dean!Copy !req
1764. Eggsy, just go.
Please, just go, babe.Copy !req
1765. All right.Copy !req
1766. That's it, do as Mummy says.Copy !req
1767. Why don't you ask
that tailor friend of yours,Copy !req
1768. and knock up a
nice chicken costume.Copy !req
1769. It'll suit you, you mug.Copy !req
1770. As a good friend once said...Copy !req
1771. "Manners...Copy !req
1772. "maketh...Copy !req
1773. "man."Copy !req
1774. - Dean?
- Shut the fuck up.Copy !req
1775. Eggsy, I'm gonna shove
your manners up your fucking—Copy !req
1776. So...Copy !req
1777. are we gonna stand around here
all day, or are we gonna fight?Copy !req
1778. Get ready for itCopy !req
1779. You said whatever
you put out thereCopy !req
1780. Whatever you put out thereCopy !req
1781. Is gonna come backCopy !req
1782. You said whenever
you are readyCopy !req
1783. Whenever you are ready
Just let it all outCopy !req
1784. I know 'cause the
enemy inside meCopy !req
1785. 'Cause the enemy inside me
is holding me backCopy !req
1786. But we know there's
something in the silenceCopy !req
1787. There's something
in the silenceCopy !req
1788. Get ready for itCopy !req
1789. Get ready for itCopy !req
1790. You said there's
only place left to findCopy !req
1791. Together we can
save the world tonightCopy !req
1792. Get ready for itCopy !req
1793. You said every
life is a lessonCopy !req
1794. Are you a fool or a kingsman?
'Cause only you knowCopy !req
1795. Hold on, 'cause the
volume is risingCopy !req
1796. Yeah, the volume is rising
So you better hold onCopy !req
1797. The night is youngCopy !req
1798. Until it's over,
until it's overCopy !req
1799. The night is young
The night is oursCopy !req
1800. Until tomorrow, until tomorrowCopy !req
1801. Get ready for itCopy !req
1802. Yeah, get ready for itCopy !req
1803. You said there's
only one place left to findCopy !req
1804. Together we can
save the world tonightCopy !req
1805. Get ready for it
Get ready for itCopy !req
1806. Get ready for it
Get ready for itCopy !req
1807. The night is youngCopy !req
1808. Until it's over
Until it's overCopy !req
1809. The night is young
The night is oursCopy !req
1810. Until tomorrow
Until tomorrowCopy !req
1811. Get ready for itCopy !req
1812. I'll hold your handCopy !req
1813. With good intentions
With good intentionsCopy !req
1814. I'll hold your handCopy !req
1815. The night is oursCopy !req
1816. Until tomorrow
Until tomorrowCopy !req
1817. You said there's
only one place left to findCopy !req
1818. Together we can
save the world tonightCopy !req
1819. Get ready for it
Get ready for itCopy !req
1820. Get ready for it
Get ready for itCopy !req
1821. Get ready for itCopy !req
1822. Life been crazyCopy !req
1823. All advice has
been to chill moreCopy !req
1824. Ironic I've been living off
with people down to kill forCopy !req
1825. And I find no comfort
in numbersCopy !req
1826. Knowin' there's
always a mil moreCopy !req
1827. Fact was that cat
dragged my pretty...Copy !req
1828. Right at the top
of that billboardCopy !req
1829. And all of my folks
who done been here from jumpCopy !req
1830. You the ones
I 'ma cover the bill forCopy !req
1831. And as I get ill moreCopy !req
1832. We gon' triple the order
of champagne and spill moreCopy !req
1833. Let's settle the real scoreCopy !req
1834. Been wondering
what the public gotta feel forCopy !req
1835. So let's keep it real, yeahCopy !req
1836. You know I'm killing game
as soon as I step on the fieldCopy !req
1837. Y'all at the top
are all mad nowCopy !req
1838. There's no turning back nowCopy !req
1839. I won't ever back downCopy !req
1840. They feel me like
they giving Iggy a pat downCopy !req
1841. I needed a moment
I found itCopy !req
1842. Lately I've been
on my runnin' the town shitCopy !req
1843. Especially walkin' around withCopy !req
1844. This heavy crownCopy !req
1845. You can't always
please the crowdCopy !req
1846. But I am still not bowing downCopy !req
1847. This heavy crownCopy !req
1848. It comes and goes aroundCopy !req
1849. And when it's time
I'll pass it proudCopy !req
1850. But... I got it nowCopy !req
1851. So keep it cute, chickCopy !req
1852. And don't be hatin'
on the new chickCopy !req
1853. Go back and check your statsCopy !req
1854. And bet they let you
know I do's thisCopy !req
1855. Glasses full of emptyCopy !req
1856. Depending on
point of view chickCopy !req
1857. If you was mad beforeCopy !req
1858. I bet you hate me
for this new shitCopy !req
1859. Maybe you should watchCopy !req
1860. What you've got
coming out your two lipsCopy !req
1861. Get cool with how I kick itCopy !req
1862. Or else you gon'
get the boot...Copy !req
1863. Iggy A-z-ACopy !req
1864. AKA captain
of the crew shipCopy !req
1865. Don't penny pinch
I promise, babe,Copy !req
1866. I don't need your two centsCopy !req
1867. Get rid of the makeup
Let us see just who you isCopy !req
1868. But if you feel like that girlCopy !req
1869. Bless your heart
Go get it how you liveCopy !req
1870. When you hear my nameCopy !req
1871. You gotta know
that she's something regalCopy !req
1872. I'm one of one
Ain't no sequelsCopy !req
1873. I'm wearingCopy !req
1874. This heavy crownCopy !req
1875. You can't always
please the crowdCopy !req
1876. But I am still not bowing downCopy !req
1877. This heavy crownCopy !req
1878. It comes and goes aroundCopy !req
1879. And when it's time
I'll pass it proudCopy !req
1880. But... I got it nowCopy !req
1881. To everyone who said
I'd never make itCopy !req
1882. Oh, Lord, weren't you mistakenCopy !req
1883. I got a dinner date
with greatnessCopy !req
1884. Iggy Igg ain't never been
nothin' to play wit, hold upCopy !req
1885. To everyone who said
I'd never make itCopy !req
1886. I'm at the top
Laughin' at you facesCopy !req
1887. I've been
practicing my patienceCopy !req
1888. But I switch back quick
If you play withCopy !req
1889. This heavy crownCopy !req
1890. To everyone who said
I'd never make itCopy !req
1891. This heavy crownCopy !req
1892. Oh, Lord, weren't you mistakenCopy !req
1893. This heavy crownCopy !req
1894. To everyone who said
I'd never make itCopy !req
1895. This heavy crownCopy !req
1896. I'm at the top
Laughin' at you facesCopy !req
1897. But... I got it nowCopy !req