1. It's going to be triple digits here today.Copy !req
2. Along the Arizona-California border,Copy !req
3. so keep those pets inside.Copy !req
4. I think we gotta pull over, Brody.Copy !req
5. Again?Copy !req
6. Craig, you've been shitting across America.Copy !req
7. Seriously, I want to get there, man.Copy !req
8. Come on, guys.Copy !req
9. The cigar's hanging off the lip.Copy !req
10. I'm not going to make it.Copy !req
11. I'm not going to make it.
I'm not going to make it!Copy !req
12. Make sure you empty the tank,Copy !req
13. because this is the last time we're stopping.Copy !req
14. And don't forget to bury it!Copy !req
15. This is so bad for the environment.Copy !req
16. Gentlemen, according to my calculations,Copy !req
17. it's only 1,300 miles to Los Angeles.Copy !req
18. Remind me again why we didn't just fly.Copy !req
19. Don't you remember?Copy !req
20. We all decided we wanted to see America.Copy !req
21. Over it.Copy !req
22. Tunnel!Copy !req
23. - Oh, no.
- What?Copy !req
24. Did anyone remember to pack
our Gilmore Girls box set?Copy !req
25. Well, we didn't forget it
back home, did we?Copy !req
26. You guys, don't worry.Copy !req
27. It's cool. It's cool.Copy !req
28. I packed it in the gray suitcase.Copy !req
29. Thank God.Copy !req
30. - Rory.
- Lorelai.Copy !req
31. Grandma!Copy !req
32. Oh, man, I love gridlock.Copy !req
33. Yeah, check out all the hot chicks
in fancy cars.Copy !req
34. Maybe we could invite them all
over to our new pad.Copy !req
35. Here it is!Copy !req
36. On the right!
On the right!Copy !req
37. This can't be right.Copy !req
38. It's even better than I expected.Copy !req
39. Do you guys think any stars live here?Copy !req
40. Looks like Italy.Copy !req
41. Mort. Mort. Mort.Copy !req
42. - Skip the sermon.
- Ballsy! Come on!Copy !req
43. - And write it down this time.
- Come on, Ballsy!Copy !req
44. I have to go.Copy !req
45. I have gentlemen callers.Copy !req
46. Good afternoon, gentlemen.Copy !req
47. May I help you?Copy !req
48. We were just looking for Marge the manager.Copy !req
49. You from the casino?Copy !req
50. No.Copy !req
51. IRS?Copy !req
52. No.Copy !req
53. Bed, Bath & Beyond?Copy !req
54. No.Copy !req
55. Well, I'm Marge.Copy !req
56. I'm Brody.Copy !req
57. I'm Craig.Copy !req
58. I'm Doug.Copy !req
59. We actually talked to you last week
about the fully-furnishedCopy !req
60. and spacious efficiency apartments
with breath-taking views.Copy !req
61. Complimentary cable, including Skinimax.Copy !req
62. Deluxe kitchenette.Copy !req
63. And free unlimited street parking.Copy !req
64. When available.Copy !req
65. We just rolled into town.Copy !req
66. We're kind of wondering
if we can move in immediately.Copy !req
67. Where?Copy !req
68. Here.Copy !req
69. We sent you our deposit?Copy !req
70. I'm sorry.Copy !req
71. We have a no-pet policy.Copy !req
72. You know, the ca-ca and all?Copy !req
73. You're talking about Ballsy.Copy !req
74. Ballsy's not a pet.Copy !req
75. He's one of us.
He's family.Copy !req
76. He's very well-behaved.Copy !req
77. Yeah, you won't even know he's here.Copy !req
78. So... what kind of house you look for?Copy !req
79. Little house, medium house,Copy !req
80. big house, condominium?Copy !req
81. Well, basically, I guess we're just lookingCopy !req
82. for something, you know, with a roof.Copy !req
83. You know, indoor plumbing,
maybe a couple of walls.Copy !req
84. Spacious enough to entertain friends.Copy !req
85. Yeah, and impressive enough
that it makes womenCopy !req
86. want to have sex with us.Copy !req
87. Ridiculous.Copy !req
88. That going to cost you.Copy !req
89. Well, yeah, I mean, that's what we figured.Copy !req
90. But it's cool.
We got it covered.Copy !req
91. Yeah, you know...Copy !req
92. See, as luck would have it, our dog "Ballsy"Copy !req
93. suffered a minor maiming at the groomer's.Copy !req
94. A... medical faux pas, if you will.Copy !req
95. Like, you go to a drug store
to buy some shampoo...Copy !req
96. And instead, they cut off your balls.Copy !req
97. Sorry.Copy !req
98. I guess, on the bright side,
the tragedy afforded us allCopy !req
99. the opportunity to move
out of our parents' house.Copy !req
100. Oh, I see.
You boys real driven.Copy !req
101. Winnie, we have come halfway
across the country to start our lives.Copy !req
102. We can't just turn around and go home.Copy !req
103. My dad walks around
the house naked with his...Copy !req
104. And my nana's cookware is a joke.Copy !req
105. Listen, um... Kwang-fu.Copy !req
106. You can call me Winnie.Copy !req
107. Oh. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
108. How old are you?Copy !req
109. Twenty-three.Copy !req
110. You look soft.Copy !req
111. Bring me the red file.Copy !req
112. Here. Red file.Copy !req
113. Softie.Copy !req
114. He's hot.Copy !req
115. I found you boys the perfect house.Copy !req
116. Furnished estate?Copy !req
117. - Hollywood Hills.
- They're cheap!Copy !req
118. We'll take it!Copy !req
119. Congratulations!Copy !req
120. Where are we?Copy !req
121. I don't know.Copy !req
122. I wish there were someone
we could ask for directions.Copy !req
123. What kind of crazed psychoCopy !req
124. would be out here at this time of night?Copy !req
125. What?Copy !req
126. Lock the door!Copy !req
127. Wait!Copy !req
128. I think it's just a Mexican.Copy !req
129. Maybe we can ask him directions.Copy !req
130. Hola, Mexican.Copy !req
131. I'm really sorry to bother you,Copy !req
132. but we're a little lost.Copy !req
133. See, we're looking
for our new el housio.Copy !req
134. I'm sorry?Copy !req
135. He keeps saying something
about el diablo.Copy !req
136. El diablo?Copy !req
137. Oh, my God.Copy !req
138. El diablo?Copy !req
139. Isn't that that super
hot, hot, hot, hot sauce?Copy !req
140. Yes, dude! Yes!Copy !req
141. He's probably just hungry.Copy !req
142. What do we got?Copy !req
143. Here. Here.Copy !req
144. You are in luck, my Latino friend.Copy !req
145. Offer him some ketchup.Copy !req
146. It's like white people hot sauce.Copy !req
147. We don't have any hot sauce,Copy !req
148. but we do have some ketchup.Copy !req
149. Yeah, and it won't burn your cheerio
like that el diablo stuff.Copy !req
150. - Yeah, all right.
- No, no, no!Copy !req
151. AquílCopy !req
152. Jesus, this guy's got a one-track mind.Copy !req
153. We're just going to have to
figure this out on our own.Copy !req
154. But good luck to you, friend.Copy !req
155. Yeah, and don't be such a food snob.Copy !req
156. Yeah, give ketchup a chance!Copy !req
157. El diablolCopy !req
158. I think this is it.Copy !req
159. Wow, I got goosebumps.Copy !req
160. Gentlemen, we're home.Copy !req
161. Wow...Copy !req
162. Killer pad.Copy !req
163. Doug, damn...Copy !req
164. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
165. Brody, you're hitting me.
You're hitting me!Copy !req
166. Hey, how's your book?Copy !req
167. Real page-turner, man.Copy !req
168. Real page-turner.Copy !req
169. It's home.Copy !req
170. Wow.Copy !req
171. You know, I think we should be
really proud of ourselves, guys.Copy !req
172. I mean, we did it!
You know?Copy !req
173. We finally moved out of our parents' house
and into our own place.Copy !req
174. Sure beats the view of my dad's balls.Copy !req
175. You know what I love most about this house?Copy !req
176. Lts functional floor plan?Copy !req
177. Self-cleaning ovens?Copy !req
178. I love... that it's going
to help us score with hot babesCopy !req
179. way out of our league.Copy !req
180. This house is perfect.Copy !req
181. Did you guys hear something?Copy !req
182. I didn't even know this room was down here.Copy !req
183. Sounds like it's coming from down here.Copy !req
184. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
185. Previous owners must have had a lot of pets.Copy !req
186. That's actual the skull
of the Turkish dairy goat.Copy !req
187. Guys. Guys, over here.Copy !req
188. What is it, Brody?Copy !req
189. What'd you find?Copy !req
190. Looks like we got an open sewer line here.Copy !req
191. Now, there's an accident waiting to happen.Copy !req
192. Hey, it's warm.Copy !req
193. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
194. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
195. Hey, look, a coyote.Copy !req
196. He's kinda cute.Copy !req
197. - You are.
- Yeah, maybe he can hang out.Copy !req
198. And him and Ballsy could have a play date.Copy !req
199. Or not.Copy !req
200. He must have come in
from the hills through that hole.Copy !req
201. Maybe if we scare him,
he'll just run out the way he came in.Copy !req
202. Now, I'm going to count to three.Copy !req
203. And we're going to take him.Copy !req
204. All right.Copy !req
205. One... two...Copy !req
206. Then again, there is another option.Copy !req
207. Okay, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
208. I got another one.Copy !req
209. Okay, wait.Copy !req
210. Who am I?Copy !req
211. You're a Turkish dairy goat.Copy !req
212. Guys, wouldn't it be funny if that coyoteCopy !req
213. was some kind of demon and this...Copy !req
214. and that open sewer
was actually some kind of portal to hell,Copy !req
215. and the longer we stayed in this house,Copy !req
216. the greater chance there was
of us being brutally murderedCopy !req
217. and sacrificed to the devil?Copy !req
218. That would be...Copy !req
219. awesome!Copy !req
220. Oh, Beyoncé.Copy !req
221. Were you spooning me?Copy !req
222. Why, hello.Copy !req
223. Welcome to our humble abode.Copy !req
224. Would you like to come in?Copy !req
225. Yeah, we live here.Copy !req
226. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
227. Hi.Copy !req
228. I'm Lucy, from next door.Copy !req
229. Next door?Copy !req
230. It seemed like we were all alone
up on this hill.Copy !req
231. We're actually from down quite a ways.Copy !req
232. We?Copy !req
233. I'm a volunteer at Hope House.Copy !req
234. That's great.Copy !req
235. What's that?Copy !req
236. Oh, it's a place where people can goCopy !req
237. when they're sick and don't have any moneyCopy !req
238. or friends or family or resources.Copy !req
239. Yeah, sounds a lot like Craig's house.Copy !req
240. Yeah, Craig's dad walks around naked.Copy !req
241. What?Copy !req
242. No.Copy !req
243. Oh, I made you a cake.Copy !req
244. It's angel food.Copy !req
245. Thank you very much.Copy !req
246. She's hot and she bakes.Copy !req
247. Can I cut you piece or something?Copy !req
248. Oh, no, no.Copy !req
249. I never eat angel food.Copy !req
250. I just wanted to stop by and welcome you
to the neighborhood.Copy !req
251. Yeah, nobody takes
the time anymore, you know?Copy !req
252. All the homes are so private and secluded.Copy !req
253. That's pretty much the only drawback
to this place, right?Copy !req
254. Maybe you could have
a housewarming or something.Copy !req
255. Hey, that's a great idea!Copy !req
256. Like a huge party!Copy !req
257. Well, I should be getting back.Copy !req
258. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
259. If we were to have a party...Copy !req
260. would you come?Copy !req
261. Well, if you're inviting me...Copy !req
262. I'd love to.Copy !req
263. Bye, now.Copy !req
264. We have got great neighbors!Copy !req
265. Wow.Copy !req
266. You guys, we can't throw a party.Copy !req
267. What? Why not?Copy !req
268. Because who are we going to invite?Copy !req
269. Man, Doug's right.Copy !req
270. We don't know anybody around here.Copy !req
271. Except Lucy.Copy !req
272. And that ungrateful Mexican.Copy !req
273. Doug. Ungrateful Latino.Copy !req
274. Whatever.
Ungrateful nevertheless.Copy !req
275. Don't worry, guys.Copy !req
276. I've got an idea.Copy !req
277. Brody, this is magnificent.Copy !req
278. Thank you.Copy !req
279. Now all we gotta do is decide who to invite.Copy !req
280. Well, that's easy.Copy !req
281. Chicks under 20 who enjoy getting wasted.Copy !req
282. And have a history of poor judgment.Copy !req
283. Or either naive or insecure.Copy !req
284. I would do just about
anything for free copies.Copy !req
285. Sorry, guys.Copy !req
286. I got a little excited.Copy !req
287. I don't get out much.Copy !req
288. I still live at home.Copy !req
289. My dad walks around the house naked.Copy !req
290. Hey, kid.Copy !req
291. You're partying with us.Copy !req
292. Really?Copy !req
293. Thank you.Copy !req
294. Thank you so much.Copy !req
295. Hey! Hey!
What are you doin' there?Copy !req
296. Oh, shit! Run!Copy !req
297. I'll call the cops!Copy !req
298. - Get back here!
- Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
299. Forgive me, Father... for I have sinned.Copy !req
300. - Wow, hi.
- Please come. Please.Copy !req
301. Hey, you wanna...Copy !req
302. Hi.Copy !req
303. Thank you.
What is this?Copy !req
304. We're having a party.Copy !req
305. Give it to me. It's mine.Copy !req
306. That's a wrap!Copy !req
307. Hi. Please come to my party.Copy !req
308. Take mine.
Take mine.Copy !req
309. Hey, we're throwing this party,
if you wanna...Copy !req
310. - Hey, what are you doing?
- Give me this.Copy !req
311. - Get out of here.
- Give me this.Copy !req
312. This is for the...Copy !req
313. Get out... Give me the...Copy !req
314. What's the matter with Ballsy?Copy !req
315. Really hot in here.Copy !req
316. Kinda smells like eggs.Copy !req
317. Hey, guys.Copy !req
318. What the hell happened here?Copy !req
319. Somebody broke into our house.Copy !req
320. Oh, my toaster.Copy !req
321. You guys, lookit.Copy !req
322. It all makes sense.Copy !req
323. How could we have been so blind?Copy !req
324. What?Copy !req
325. What are you talking about?Copy !req
326. Don't you see?Copy !req
327. The hellacious stench?Copy !req
328. The ungodly heat?Copy !req
329. The forbidden fruit?Copy !req
330. I know what did this.Copy !req
331. It was a bunch of God damned squatters!Copy !req
332. You think weightlifters did this?Copy !req
333. No, vagrants.
You know, transients.Copy !req
334. Squatters?Copy !req
335. What if the squatters broke in
through that open sewer,Copy !req
336. just like that coyote,Copy !req
337. and have been living
secretly in our basement for months?Copy !req
338. So... you're saying thatCopy !req
339. a bunch of apple-eatin'
homeless peopleCopy !req
340. living in our basementCopy !req
341. are doing all this freaky stuffCopy !req
342. just to scare us off?Copy !req
343. That is exactly what I think.Copy !req
344. Oh, you're good.Copy !req
345. But I'll tell you what.Copy !req
346. This is our house now.Copy !req
347. And come hell or come high water,
we are staying put!Copy !req
348. Yes!Copy !req
349. But what if they're still here?Copy !req
350. Oh, God!Copy !req
351. Just disgusting.Copy !req
352. It's all kinds of nasty.Copy !req
353. Rude.Copy !req
354. It's a squatter!Copy !req
355. He still wants el diablo.Copy !req
356. Again with the el diablo.Copy !req
357. Look, ese...Copy !req
358. No el diablo.Copy !req
359. No hablo espanolo.Copy !req
360. Oh, my God!Copy !req
361. - What!
- No!Copy !req
362. What?Copy !req
363. Whoa!Copy !req
364. Where did he go?Copy !req
365. That guy just ripped out his own heart.Copy !req
366. And tracked mud all in the house.Copy !req
367. You guys?Copy !req
368. These squatters are crazy.Copy !req
369. I know.Copy !req
370. They'll try anything to get us out.Copy !req
371. Well, the only way we're getting outCopy !req
372. is in three bloody body bags.Copy !req
373. Yeah.Copy !req
374. They're not gonna scare us off
with their cheap carnival tricks.Copy !req
375. They must think we're a bunch of pussies.Copy !req
376. - Yeah.
- Oh, boys!Copy !req
377. Is everything okay here?Copy !req
378. We're chillin'.
It's Lucy.Copy !req
379. - Oh, we're totally fine.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
380. These are my friends:Copy !req
381. Delilah...Copy !req
382. What's up?Copy !req
383. and Jezebel.Copy !req
384. Hey.Copy !req
385. I was looking for that.Copy !req
386. Hey, little pootchie,
pootchie, pootchie-kins.Copy !req
387. Here you go, boy.
Fetch. Here you go.Copy !req
388. They were wondering if it would be okay
if they came to your party.Copy !req
389. - Absolutely.
- Indeed.Copy !req
390. - Please do.
- Great!Copy !req
391. Oh, and we brought something
for you to listen to.Copy !req
392. - Absolutely.
- Indeed.Copy !req
393. Please do.Copy !req
394. What do you think?Copy !req
395. I don't know.Copy !req
396. You know, it's a little...Copy !req
397. They're called Demon Semen.Copy !req
398. I think they'd be perfect for your party.Copy !req
399. I think we're looking for something
with a little more woodwind.Copy !req
400. Yeah, you know,
maybe something, like,Copy !req
401. just a little bit less terrifying.Copy !req
402. Yeah, they sound really creepy.Copy !req
403. It totally makes us wanna do
all kinds of, like, bad things.Copy !req
404. Things that we would
normally never, ever, ever do.Copy !req
405. Like what?Copy !req
406. Like this.Copy !req
407. Like what?Copy !req
408. Like what?Copy !req
409. I think I released some Demon Semen.Copy !req
410. Your tongue tastes so good.Copy !req
411. Like what?Copy !req
412. I've got so much food
for the party tonight.Copy !req
413. I've got so much food
for the party tonight.Copy !req
414. I've been baking this since noon.Copy !req
415. - Nana's recipe.
- Oh, boy.Copy !req
416. - Oh, boy.
- Try one.Copy !req
417. Good.
All right.Copy !req
418. And?Copy !req
419. You can bake.Copy !req
420. You can bake!Copy !req
421. And you are the best sous-chef ever.Copy !req
422. Wait, what's a sous-chef?Copy !req
423. The chopper-upper.Copy !req
424. Oh, then yes.Copy !req
425. I gotta tell you guys,Copy !req
426. these Saudi-built detectors
just don't cut the mustard.Copy !req
427. Now, I'm afraid,
if you want a party permit,Copy !req
428. you're gonna have to bring
this building up to code.Copy !req
429. Of course...Copy !req
430. Well, there is one other option.Copy !req
431. - There is?
- Tell us. We'll do anything.Copy !req
432. Well, now, this is gonna
be a big party, right?Copy !req
433. Refreshments and dancing and a lot
of interesting people to talk to?Copy !req
434. Oh, yeah. There's gonna be chicks
and booze everywhere.Copy !req
435. Yeah, and my famous
butterscotch bunnies.Copy !req
436. Thanks, no.Copy !req
437. Mind if I smoke?Copy !req
438. - Well, now...
- No.Copy !req
439. Let's say...Copy !req
440. you can get a trained
professional to be on hand?Copy !req
441. I don't know.Copy !req
442. What do you think, Doug?Copy !req
443. Sounds expensive.Copy !req
444. Oh, no, no.
I'm sure you could findCopy !req
445. someone who would donate
their time, you know?Copy !req
446. Someone who's lost direction.Copy !req
447. Someone who's never been comfortableCopy !req
448. with the whole on-line dating sceneCopy !req
449. but still thinks there's an outside chanceCopy !req
450. that there's someone
out there that's just right for him.Copy !req
451. Yeah, I don't know.Copy !req
452. I don't know how I'd feelCopy !req
453. about having some poor
bastard work for free.Copy !req
454. It's un-American.Copy !req
455. No, no.
You gotta trust me on this one.Copy !req
456. I mean, he wouldn't mind.Copy !req
457. I mean, not like
when his wife of 17 years,Copy !req
458. who he treated like a goddess,Copy !req
459. left him for Tom at MySpace. Com.Copy !req
460. It kinda sounds like
your friend might be...Copy !req
461. be gay.Copy !req
462. Why?
You gay?Copy !req
463. Nice apron.Copy !req
464. Anyway, that's beside the point.Copy !req
465. What do you say
you just help a firefighter out?Copy !req
466. He's a very close, dear friend of mine,Copy !req
467. although he's not gay.Copy !req
468. Look, Mr. Fire Marshal.Copy !req
469. Let's just say we replaceCopy !req
470. all the smoke detectors
in the entire house,Copy !req
471. what are the chances that
we pass inspection then?Copy !req
472. Hmm, well, I'd have to say
slim and none.Copy !req
473. We're saving those.Copy !req
474. Oh, for the party?Copy !req
475. Hey, you guys,Copy !req
476. I got the most awesome idea
for the party, okay?Copy !req
477. - What's wrong with you two?
- Dude, the party's over, man.Copy !req
478. Thanks a lot,
Mr. Fire Marshal.Copy !req
479. Fire Marshal?
What fire marshal?Copy !req
480. The one that said the
house wasn't up to code.Copy !req
481. Yeah, so, unless
we can pull a trained fire professionalCopy !req
482. who will work for free
right out of our asses,Copy !req
483. which is practically impossible...Copy !req
484. How did he know we were having a party?Copy !req
485. His "friend" found this at a strip club.Copy !req
486. You guys let a fire marshal in here?Copy !req
487. What a hell hole.Copy !req
488. What the hell?Copy !req
489. Oh, yeah, this gotta be
a code-eight violation.Copy !req
490. You let him go down
in the basement?Copy !req
491. With all those violations?Copy !req
492. Now we gotta bribe him!Copy !req
493. Hello?Copy !req
494. Baloney.Copy !req
495. Ice cold beverage.Copy !req
496. Mr. Fire Marshal?Copy !req
497. Salami.Copy !req
498. Oh, my God.Copy !req
499. What is it?Copy !req
500. We passed!Copy !req
501. Yes!Copy !req
502. Well, looks like
this place is missing just one thing.Copy !req
503. I cannot believe you found Backwater!Copy !req
504. I cannot believe you found Backwater!Copy !req
505. I know.Copy !req
506. Last I heard, he was in a full body castCopy !req
507. from doing a flying squirrel
into a pool with no water.Copy !req
508. Do you guys rememberCopy !req
509. the time that he ran
out of beer and he drank his own pee?Copy !req
510. Yeah, that pee got him wasted.Copy !req
511. I know.
Me, too.Copy !req
512. Here he is, guys.
Here he is.Copy !req
513. - That's not Backwater.
- Yeah, who's the rabbi?Copy !req
514. Asshole!Copy !req
515. Backwater?Copy !req
516. Wow, I can actually see
the whites of your eyes.Copy !req
517. Did you bring your laminated name tag,Copy !req
518. just in case you get
so wasted you forget your nameCopy !req
519. and end up in Mexico again?Copy !req
520. Remember that?Copy !req
521. Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen
again this year, boys.Copy !req
522. What, you pass out?
No way.Copy !req
523. Drugs and alcohol
were a crutch for me.Copy !req
524. But since I found the Lord,Copy !req
525. I realize I no longer need them.Copy !req
526. Are you joking?Copy !req
527. No.Copy !req
528. I get it.
You're stoned right now.Copy !req
529. Me, too.Copy !req
530. Okay, look, guys, the truth is
I'm here for me.Copy !req
531. For the first time since I was six,Copy !req
532. I am completely drug and alcohol free.Copy !req
533. And let me tell you, it feels great.Copy !req
534. In a few weeks, I'll be joining the order.Copy !req
535. So I figured your party
would be the ultimate testCopy !req
536. of my spiritual fortitude.Copy !req
537. I've come to face my demons, boys.Copy !req
538. - Band room.
- Check.Copy !req
539. - Catering.
- Check.Copy !req
540. - Check.
- Check.Copy !req
541. - Check.
- Let's do this.Copy !req
542. All right, boys and girls.Copy !req
543. Showtime.Copy !req
544. Welcome to our pad.Copy !req
545. I think I speak for all of usCopy !req
546. when I say we were really touchedCopy !req
547. by your work in Indiana Bones.Copy !req
548. And Position: Lmpossible.Copy !req
549. I saw Meet the KnockersCopy !req
550. 37... 38 times.Copy !req
551. That's my favorite.Copy !req
552. Mine, too.Copy !req
553. I love your necklace.Copy !req
554. I mean every letter of it.Copy !req
555. Whoa!
You got a flyer?Copy !req
556. Great job on the bouncers.Copy !req
557. Yeah, where'd you get these guys?Copy !req
558. Food court.Copy !req
559. You see this party?Copy !req
560. This is what you're missing tonight.Copy !req
561. Now get out.Copy !req
562. Girls with chains and spikes.Copy !req
563. - That was you, wasn't it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
564. Handsome woman.Copy !req
565. - Pretty man.
- Indeed.Copy !req
566. Whoa. Whoa.Copy !req
567. Hold on.Copy !req
568. I'm sorry, but there's going
to be a lot of sexCopy !req
569. and booze and
hardcore perversion at this partyCopy !req
570. I'm afraid I'm gonna
need to see some IDs.Copy !req
571. But these say you're all only 16.Copy !req
572. Is that a problem?Copy !req
573. These things better not be bogus.Copy !req
574. Wow, you girls look great.Copy !req
575. Thanks, so do you.Copy !req
576. Almost good enough to eat.Copy !req
577. And we are totally starving.Copy !req
578. So we'll see you inside.Copy !req
579. This is gonna be one hell of a party.Copy !req
580. I hope so.Copy !req
581. Excuse me.
Attention.Copy !req
582. You gotta turn it on, man.Copy !req
583. If I could just have
everyone's attention, please.Copy !req
584. Just for a second.Copy !req
585. My name is Brody,Copy !req
586. and these are my two
best friends in the whole world,Copy !req
587. Doug and Craig.Copy !req
588. And we'd just like to welcome you our...Copy !req
589. new den of debauchery!Copy !req
590. And now without further ado,Copy !req
591. I'd like you guys
to give a warm welcomeCopy !req
592. to our house band,Copy !req
593. Demon Semen!Copy !req
594. Bitch.Copy !req
595. Who's ready to raise hell tonight?Copy !req
596. God damn men.Copy !req
597. Hurry up in there.Copy !req
598. No!Copy !req
599. Looks like someone clogged the toilet.Copy !req
600. Looks like they had Coney's.Copy !req
601. Oh, man, I love Coney's.Copy !req
602. Yeah, me, too.Copy !req
603. It's so good.Copy !req
604. Delicious.Copy !req
605. Wow, that turd is really wedged in there.Copy !req
606. Yeah, it's huge.Copy !req
607. It kinda looks like a human head.Copy !req
608. I mean, check it out.
It's even got eyes.Copy !req
609. Oh, yeah.
That's staring right up at us.Copy !req
610. It's starting to freak me out.Copy !req
611. Yeah... me, too.Copy !req
612. Stop staring at me, turd!
You're freaking me out!Copy !req
613. Turn your head, turd.Copy !req
614. All right, give me the plunger.Copy !req
615. Stand back.Copy !req
616. Wait!
Craig, wait!Copy !req
617. - What?
- We should take a picture of this.Copy !req
618. We could send it in to ratemypoo. ComCopy !req
619. Oh, yeah.
Yes, we could win 50 bucks.Copy !req
620. We gotta say you did it.
It's more impressive.Copy !req
621. Right.Copy !req
622. Say feces!Copy !req
623. Can you hear me now?Copy !req
624. Can you hear me now?Copy !req
625. I hate cell phones.Copy !req
626. Heidi, listen,
you sent me to the wrong place.Copy !req
627. What?
No.Copy !req
628. Keep quiet.
I'm gonna probably lose you any minute.Copy !req
629. Listen to me.Copy !req
630. I hired you to get me
to the places I need to get to.Copy !req
631. You sent me to the wrong place, Heidi.Copy !req
632. What? No.
No, I'm not at Tobey's house, Heidi.Copy !req
633. What? No.Copy !req
634. No, not Moby. Tobey.Copy !req
635. Heidi, I don't even know Moby.Copy !req
636. I'm a big fan of his music, too.Copy !req
637. Listen to me.
Just keep quiet.Copy !req
638. Look, look...Copy !req
639. I need you to get me to Tobey's house.Copy !req
640. Because right now
I am stuck in the middle of this...Copy !req
641. this very weird,
very strange house party.Copy !req
642. What?Copy !req
643. I don't know if there are
any other celebrities here, Heidi,Copy !req
644. and I don't care.Copy !req
645. I just... Listen to me.Copy !req
646. Heidi! Look, I...Copy !req
647. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
648. Hello.Copy !req
649. You know, you're never going
to find what you're looking forCopy !req
650. at the bottom of that glass.Copy !req
651. What?Copy !req
652. What's your name?Copy !req
653. - Joe.
- Joe, take a look around.Copy !req
654. I'll tell you what I see.Copy !req
655. I see you and your friends
heading down a path,Copy !req
656. a path to ruin.Copy !req
657. What are you talking about?Copy !req
658. I'm talking about that right there.Copy !req
659. Whaddaya got?
Punch?Copy !req
660. It's not punch, Joe.
It's poison.Copy !req
661. And the more of that poison
that you put into those veins,Copy !req
662. the further you fall into a pit.Copy !req
663. A pit... of despair.Copy !req
664. Are you kidding me?
I don't even...Copy !req
665. I don't even know any of these people.Copy !req
666. I'm not even supposed to be here right now.Copy !req
667. You know where
I'm supposed to be?Copy !req
668. I'm supposed to be
at Tobey Maguire's house...Copy !req
669. that's right...
to play poker tonight.Copy !req
670. I don't know who that is.Copy !req
671. - Spider-Man?
- Nah.Copy !req
672. - Seabiscuit?
- Never saw it.Copy !req
673. Movie with a horse?
You never saw it?Copy !req
674. No. The only superstar I worship...Copy !req
675. Forget it. Is there a phone
around here that I can use?Copy !req
676. If you listen to your heart,Copy !req
677. you won't need to phone anyone.Copy !req
678. Okay.Copy !req
679. Oh, my God.
No offense, Father.Copy !req
680. Look, the point is that just doesn't
help me out at all right now.Copy !req
681. But thank you.Copy !req
682. - Why don't you have a drink?
- Oh, no, no. I don't...Copy !req
683. No, have it, it's lovely.
It's a lovely drink.Copy !req
684. - I'm not supposed to drink.
- Great dog. Cute dog.Copy !req
685. Drink me.Copy !req
686. What?Copy !req
687. Hey, boo.Copy !req
688. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
689. Hey, Doug, put me down.Copy !req
690. Put me down, Doug.Copy !req
691. Hey. Just...Copy !req
692. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
693. That's a great band.Copy !req
694. Yeah, yeah, we love the Demon Semen.Copy !req
695. - Yeah, good call.
- Thanks.Copy !req
696. So, how about
a private tour of the house?Copy !req
697. Ooh, that'd be great.Copy !req
698. But how about after we have a few drinks.Copy !req
699. Yeah.Copy !req
700. Because, you know,
alcohol lowers all our inhibitions.Copy !req
701. That is so sweet.Copy !req
702. Why don't you wait right here while
the two of us go freshen up a little?Copy !req
703. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
704. And then we'll take that tour.Copy !req
705. Starting with the bedrooms.Copy !req
706. Okay.Copy !req
707. - We can do that.
- I can do that. Can you do that?Copy !req
708. I'll be there.
Are you going to be there?Copy !req
709. So, you want a shot?Copy !req
710. Oh. I don't know.Copy !req
711. I mean, I already have this beer.Copy !req
712. And one's usually my limit.Copy !req
713. I give you permission
to get a little wild.Copy !req
714. Well, okay. If you say so.Copy !req
715. So, what are my options?Copy !req
716. Oh, we've got everything.Copy !req
717. I mean, the previous owner
left us a ton of spirits...Copy !req
718. vodka, rum, gin, tequila,Copy !req
719. and of course Doug's
marshmallow surprise punch.Copy !req
720. Wow.Copy !req
721. They all sound so good.Copy !req
722. How about I try one of each?Copy !req
723. But promise you'll stop me
if I get carried away.Copy !req
724. Don't you worry.Copy !req
725. I can handle my liquor.Copy !req
726. Gwen, can you feel it in the air?Copy !req
727. Yeah.Copy !req
728. It's like there's evil all around us.Copy !req
729. Hey, girls.
Neat party, huh?Copy !req
730. Oh, I don't know if you girls know this,Copy !req
731. but I'm actually really tight friendsCopy !req
732. with the guys who live here.Copy !req
733. Don't want to get your hopes up,Copy !req
734. but I might be getting some
Barry Manilow tickets pretty soon.Copy !req
735. You know what would be funny?Copy !req
736. If you took your top off
and I saw your breasts and I was like,Copy !req
737. "Hey, I can't believe you did that... "Copy !req
738. Hey, how do you eat cereal
with that lip thing...Copy !req
739. Say goodbye to those BM tickets!Copy !req
740. Your back structure's exquisite.Copy !req
741. I want to lick it.Copy !req
742. Guys, this place is so cool.Copy !req
743. Totally bad.Copy !req
744. I wonder who we have an intimate,Copy !req
745. meaningful conversation with to stay here.Copy !req
746. These jets are intense!Copy !req
747. I'm totally sweating!Copy !req
748. I'm getting so hot.Copy !req
749. Guys, it's hot.Copy !req
750. I think it's getting a little too hot.Copy !req
751. Delilah, Jezebel?Copy !req
752. Where are you little devils?Copy !req
753. Doug... check it out.Copy !req
754. Wow.Copy !req
755. Triplets.Copy !req
756. Check this out.Copy !req
757. Hey, girls.Copy !req
758. How's the water?Copy !req
759. Good one.Copy !req
760. Mind if we come in?Copy !req
761. - Well, I guess we can take that as a yes.
- They didn't say no.Copy !req
762. Impressive.Copy !req
763. I know.Copy !req
764. Okay, all right.
They're fine.Copy !req
765. They're fine out there.Copy !req
766. You're okay, they're okay.Copy !req
767. They're okay.
Right, Ballsy?Copy !req
768. Oh, my God!Copy !req
769. How did you get up there?Copy !req
770. That's warm.Copy !req
771. - Excuse me.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
772. - Pardon me.
- Pardon me.Copy !req
773. Hello, triplets.Copy !req
774. So, Tecates for the hot-tays?Copy !req
775. Why don't you just hang on to that?Copy !req
776. Or not.Copy !req
777. So which one of you was born first?Copy !req
778. Doug?Copy !req
779. These girls look cooked.Copy !req
780. I know, they're totally baked.Copy !req
781. They can't even speak.Copy !req
782. No, man.Copy !req
783. I think that they're dead.Copy !req
784. Holy shit!Copy !req
785. You got a little piece of corpse on you!Copy !req
786. Get it off!
Get it off!Copy !req
787. All right, all right,
we got to just stay calm.Copy !req
788. Stay calm?Copy !req
789. The Von Schlutz triplets
are dead in our hot tub!Copy !req
790. What do we do?Copy !req
791. Doug, relax!Copy !req
792. We've just got to think, man.Copy !req
793. Now, first things first.Copy !req
794. We drink another beer.Copy !req
795. She's got my beer!
She's got my beer!Copy !req
796. - Here.
- Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
797. Okay, then we call the cops.Copy !req
798. Are you crazy?
Are you crazy, man?Copy !req
799. We can't call the cops.Copy !req
800. - Okay, no cops. Why?
- Because!Copy !req
801. We got dead triplets floating in our hot tub.Copy !req
802. They'll shut the party down, man.Copy !req
803. Maybe even impound the house.Copy !req
804. No, no, no!
We can't let that happen!Copy !req
805. I know.Copy !req
806. And all because of one completely random
freak party accident.Copy !req
807. And we haven't even scored yet!Copy !req
808. Yes! Yes! See?
Same page every time!Copy !req
809. - Okay, all right.
- All right, all right.Copy !req
810. - Okay, what do we do?
- Look.Copy !req
811. We'll call the cops in the morning, okay,Copy !req
812. after everyone's gone.Copy !req
813. And then we'll replace
all the smoke detectors in the house.Copy !req
814. - Fine.
- Okay.Copy !req
815. But for now...Copy !req
816. I say that we don't tell anybody, okay?Copy !req
817. Not even Brody.Copy !req
818. Oh, no, no.Copy !req
819. Especially not Brody.Copy !req
820. Yes!Copy !req
821. Okay.Copy !req
822. What do we do with these poor girls
in the meantime?Copy !req
823. Oh, no, it's empty.Copy !req
824. Maybe we should just slow down
just a wee bit, though.Copy !req
825. Oh, okay.Copy !req
826. Maybe you're right.Copy !req
827. Hey, do you know
what I've always wanted to do?Copy !req
828. Can we... just get some air?Copy !req
829. Pop my top.Copy !req
830. I think that is a great idea.Copy !req
831. You know, like, in public?Copy !req
832. Just jump up on a table and rip it off!Copy !req
833. I think that is a great idea.Copy !req
834. Really?Copy !req
835. Hey, maybe I could just
pop it right here for you.Copy !req
836. Like, for practice.Copy !req
837. I think that's a great idea.Copy !req
838. Hey.Copy !req
839. Hey!Copy !req
840. Aren't you that famous guy Brody,Copy !req
841. who's like... owns this killer place,Copy !req
842. who, like, is responsible
for this killer bash, right?Copy !req
843. Yeah.Copy !req
844. Yeah. Oh, dude, there's some people
looking for you out front.Copy !req
845. They seem pretty mad or something.Copy !req
846. Hold that thought.Copy !req
847. So, uh, is your dad, like, a robber,Copy !req
848. because he stole some stars
and put them in your eyes.Copy !req
849. We caught him speaking
in tongues down at the curb.Copy !req
850. He's scaring away all the Mexican trim.Copy !req
851. Senores, el diablo están...Copy !req
852. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know, I know.Copy !req
853. El diablo aquí en tu casa.Copy !req
854. This hot sauce is making him mental.Copy !req
855. Although, I do like the tie.Copy !req
856. It's a nice touch.Copy !req
857. What do you want us to do with him, boss?Copy !req
858. Well, I don't know.Copy !req
859. I mean, what are my options?Copy !req
860. Let's see.
We could whack him.Copy !req
861. Whack him?Copy !req
862. Oh, sure.
We've done it before.Copy !req
863. I'll just stick myself
a few times in the arm with a shiv,Copy !req
864. call it self-defense.Copy !req
865. I don't know.Copy !req
866. What if we just get him out of here
with a stern warning?Copy !req
867. You're the boss.Copy !req
868. Look, I want you and your fellow squatters
to get the hell out of hereCopy !req
869. and stay the hell away from our house.Copy !req
870. And if I see you back here again,Copy !req
871. you sure as hell better have a pair of tits.Copy !req
872. Big ones.
Double D.Copy !req
873. Hi. I'm Brian Trolet.
The "T" is silent.Copy !req
874. What's your name?Copy !req
875. I'm Amber, Amber Waves.Copy !req
876. And this is my partner...Copy !req
877. Cherry Red.Copy !req
878. What do you do?Copy !req
879. I'm in adult films and so is she.Copy !req
880. I saw an adult film once.Copy !req
881. My father has them.Copy !req
882. He hides them in a box labeled "poison. "Copy !req
883. Wait a minute.Copy !req
884. There's nothing wrong with nudity.Copy !req
885. - Really?
- No.Copy !req
886. - It's natural.
- It is?Copy !req
887. - Yeah.
- Whoa.Copy !req
888. Well, if it's natural, do you think...Copy !req
889. Am I allowed to see your breasts?Copy !req
890. Well, yeah!Copy !req
891. Yeah?Copy !req
892. Watch it, stretched.Copy !req
893. I missed it.Copy !req
894. Save me dance?Copy !req
895. I missed it.Copy !req
896. Oh, Jesus, Craig.Copy !req
897. Two and a half more people are dead.Copy !req
898. Do you know what this means?Copy !req
899. Yeah.Copy !req
900. There goes any shot of
the Meet the Knockers sequel.Copy !req
901. That, and this is just another
completely random freak party accident.Copy !req
902. Again... it's like we're on the same page.Copy !req
903. What are the chances?Copy !req
904. Every time.Copy !req
905. So, Craig, what do we do
with these bodies?Copy !req
906. I actually do a silly little
Bruce Willis impersonation.Copy !req
907. - You know, because...
- Give me a break.Copy !req
908. No, it's true.
It's really great.Copy !req
909. Because it's all in... it's all in the mouth.Copy !req
910. You know, he's got
this little scowl, and he's like...Copy !req
911. You know, he's like...Copy !req
912. Let's see.Copy !req
913. He's like, Hans.Copy !req
914. Hans, that's a...Copy !req
915. that's a tricky little accent there, Hans.Copy !req
916. You should be on TV with that accent, Hans.Copy !req
917. Hey.Copy !req
918. You okay?Copy !req
919. Hey, you...Copy !req
920. Joey...Copy !req
921. Joe...Copy !req
922. Hans.Copy !req
923. What are you going to do
with the detonators, Hans, hmm?Copy !req
924. What do you think, I'm stupid, Hans?Copy !req
925. Yippee-ki-yay, mother...Copy !req
926. What the...Copy !req
927. Hey! Father Patrick, how's it going?Copy !req
928. Hey! Father Patrick, how's it going?Copy !req
929. It's Brother Backwater.Copy !req
930. Yeah.Copy !req
931. Yes, I know it's late.Copy !req
932. I'm sorry to get you up.Copy !req
933. I'm feeling a little...Copy !req
934. a little thirsty right now.Copy !req
935. Like I could use a drink.Copy !req
936. Yeah, you know.Copy !req
937. I went to a party and, you know...Copy !req
938. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm not supposed to go
to parties but I went to oneCopy !req
939. because I thought
if I could go to one party,Copy !req
940. face my demons once and for all,Copy !req
941. then I would prove to myselfCopy !req
942. that I was worthy of serving the Lord.Copy !req
943. And it was going really well.
It was going very well.Copy !req
944. I was kicking ass out there.Copy !req
945. I think I even suckered
a couple converts out there.Copy !req
946. It was...Copy !req
947. I don't know if they were rich kids.Copy !req
948. They were very well dressed.Copy !req
949. Father, I... Come on, Father,
listen to me here, okay?Copy !req
950. I'm just trying to tell you that I'm...Copy !req
951. There's...Copy !req
952. There's a lot of weird stuff
going on at this party.Copy !req
953. There's a lot of very weird stuff
going on out thereCopy !req
954. and I don't think I'm going to make it.Copy !req
955. I don't think I'm going to make it.Copy !req
956. Father, what I need
is your help right now.Copy !req
957. I need you to turn off
the goddamn televisionCopy !req
958. and give me a little help.Copy !req
959. My spiritual salvation is on the line.Copy !req
960. Hey, Padre.Copy !req
961. Father, uh...Copy !req
962. I'm going to have to call you back.Copy !req
963. I can't believe this is happening.Copy !req
964. I don't believe my eyes.Copy !req
965. Joey Lawrence came to our party!Copy !req
966. - You got it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
967. - Excuse us.
- Oh, my God, it's the guy from BlossomlCopy !req
968. - Hey, no, no, no. Later. Later?
- Going this way.Copy !req
969. Call me.Copy !req
970. Okay, okay.
Guys, guys.Copy !req
971. - Call me.
- Okay, later.Copy !req
972. We got it.Copy !req
973. All right, around the table here.Copy !req
974. - What are you, eating?
- Comfort food.Copy !req
975. - Dude, is this party bitchin' or what?
- Shit.Copy !req
976. Oh, my God.Copy !req
977. Hey.Copy !req
978. Is that Joey Lawrence?Copy !req
979. Well, we were actually
just heading outside.Copy !req
980. I mean, I knew this party was good,Copy !req
981. but it just went A-list!Copy !req
982. Yeah, that's... It's totally killer.Copy !req
983. It's one they'll never forget.Copy !req
984. Joey...Copy !req
985. can you just, you know...Copy !req
986. just give me a little sip
of the whole "whoa" juice?Copy !req
987. Joey got a little crazy with the Cuervo.Copy !req
988. We're just going to take him by the poolCopy !req
989. for some, you know, fresh air.Copy !req
990. I'll go with you!Copy !req
991. Just let me grab a beer.Copy !req
992. Oh, my God.Copy !req
993. Someone drank all our good beer!Copy !req
994. Could this night possibly get any worse?Copy !req
995. Top shelf!
Top shelf!Copy !req
996. - Oh, my God.
- Yeah, that one had to hurt.Copy !req
997. What is the matter with you?Copy !req
998. There are two severed heads
in our refrigerator.Copy !req
999. Okay, all right.Copy !req
1000. There's no reason for hysterics.Copy !req
1001. I mean, it's just two more
completely random...Copy !req
1002. - Unrelated!
- Accidental deaths.Copy !req
1003. What? Accident...
What are you...Copy !req
1004. Come on, man!
Shit happens!Copy !req
1005. - All the time.
- Wait, wait.Copy !req
1006. Two more?Copy !req
1007. Okay, um, look.Copy !req
1008. We weren't going
to tell you this until after...Copy !req
1009. we got sexed.Copy !req
1010. But there is something
very strange going on here.Copy !req
1011. Eight people died.
Make that nine.Copy !req
1012. Joey Lawrence is dead.Copy !req
1013. Tonight Hollywood lost one of its treasures.Copy !req
1014. Wait, nine people died?Copy !req
1015. Here? Tonight?Copy !req
1016. Yeah.Copy !req
1017. And some thoughtless bastard
clogged our toilet.Copy !req
1018. Yeah, but, hey, don't worry, okay?Copy !req
1019. Hey, hey, we got it
under control, all right?Copy !req
1020. It's just two more, you know,
accidental party deaths.Copy !req
1021. What... Accidental deaths?Copy !req
1022. These people were murdered!Copy !req
1023. - What?
- What?Copy !req
1024. We have got squatters inside the wire.Copy !req
1025. I'm calling the cops.Copy !req
1026. No, wait, wait!
Just wait, man.Copy !req
1027. Are you insane?Copy !req
1028. We can't call the cops!Copy !req
1029. I mean, okay.Copy !req
1030. Uh, murder.Copy !req
1031. Yes, it's a big deal,Copy !req
1032. but, I mean, if we lose the house,Copy !req
1033. you'll totally blow any shot
that you've got with Lucy.Copy !req
1034. Okay, maybe I got a little carried away.Copy !req
1035. It's understandable.Copy !req
1036. I mean, you got
two human heads in the fridge.Copy !req
1037. I mean, these people are dead,Copy !req
1038. and that's tragic, for sure.Copy !req
1039. But there's nothing we can
do about it now, right?Copy !req
1040. We will call the cops in the morning,Copy !req
1041. after we've got all this place cleaned up.Copy !req
1042. But for now, we've got to stopCopy !req
1043. these blood-thirsty squatters on our own.Copy !req
1044. For all we know,Copy !req
1045. they may still be in this house.Copy !req
1046. So we've go to be vigilant
and keep our eyes open.Copy !req
1047. If we look hard enough,Copy !req
1048. we're bound to see someone
who looks suspicious.Copy !req
1049. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1050. It's the squatter!Copy !req
1051. Joe, put that away.Copy !req
1052. Now, look, friend.Copy !req
1053. We can either do this the easy wayCopy !req
1054. or we can do this the hard way.Copy !req
1055. Tell us what we need to know, wo... man.Copy !req
1056. And one more word about
that freakin' hot sauce...Copy !req
1057. Tough guy, huh?Copy !req
1058. Boys?Copy !req
1059. No.Copy !req
1060. Open up. Say "ah. "Copy !req
1061. Open up and say...Copy !req
1062. I got a good one!Copy !req
1063. I love my job.Copy !req
1064. Look!Copy !req
1065. We know that before we moved inCopy !req
1066. you and your friends were living secretly
down in the basement.Copy !req
1067. Squatting, if you will.Copy !req
1068. But this is our house now.Copy !req
1069. So why are you still here?Copy !req
1070. - Again!
- Again!Copy !req
1071. Hey, look!
It's Delilah and Jez!Copy !req
1072. Oh, I think they're going to do that geek.Copy !req
1073. They must have used us to get to him!Copy !req
1074. It's been Delilah and Jez this whole time.Copy !req
1075. - Why?
- Wait.Copy !req
1076. Delilah and Jez are Lucy's best friends.Copy !req
1077. You guys...Copy !req
1078. that can only mean one thing!Copy !req
1079. Oh, no.Copy !req
1080. - Lucy's in danger!
- Exactly!Copy !req
1081. I'm going to save her!Copy !req
1082. Lucy, I gotta talk to you about something.Copy !req
1083. Brody...Copy !req
1084. would you wear this for me?Copy !req
1085. Absolutely.Copy !req
1086. Just got a little bit
of the goosebumps there.Copy !req
1087. So what did you want
to talk to me about?Copy !req
1088. Oh, right.Copy !req
1089. Lucy, have you ever noticed anything strangeCopy !req
1090. about your friends Delilah and Jez?Copy !req
1091. No. Why do you ask?Copy !req
1092. Well, let me first sayCopy !req
1093. that just because
they're your best friends,Copy !req
1094. that doesn't mean I think
you're anything like them.Copy !req
1095. I mean, I know that you are good
and kind and innocent.Copy !req
1096. Wow, that's really...Copy !req
1097. You were saying?Copy !req
1098. How do I say this?Copy !req
1099. Delilah and Jez... are minion of the devil.Copy !req
1100. Oh, my, that's awful.Copy !req
1101. Yeah, I know.
But that's not it.Copy !req
1102. This house is actually a portal to hell,Copy !req
1103. and they're devouring souls
to feed to their master.Copy !req
1104. I'd rather devour something else.Copy !req
1105. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1106. God's not going to help you now, Brody.Copy !req
1107. I hope not.Copy !req
1108. Wow! You have really sharp nails.Copy !req
1109. Lucy, I gotta say,Copy !req
1110. there is something about you, you know?Copy !req
1111. I've never felt this way
about anybody before.Copy !req
1112. You just have this great...Copy !req
1113. I don't know, this great spirit
about you, you know?Copy !req
1114. You're just really special.Copy !req
1115. You've got these horns...Copy !req
1116. Horns!Copy !req
1117. Wings!Copy !req
1118. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1119. Brody, come on.Copy !req
1120. You got a penis!Copy !req
1121. I've got a vagina, too.Copy !req
1122. Brody, please.Copy !req
1123. You're the devil her... him...Copy !req
1124. her... himself!Copy !req
1125. You know, I thought I sensed an accent.Copy !req
1126. I speak all the languages, baby.Copy !req
1127. Delilah and Jez are... are your minion!Copy !req
1128. You're the Antichrist.Copy !req
1129. And you've been killing
innocent party-goers all night long.Copy !req
1130. I had to.Copy !req
1131. I mean, that's what I do!Copy !req
1132. I'm Satan!Copy !req
1133. I lie and screw people over.Copy !req
1134. You used me.Copy !req
1135. Well, yeah.Copy !req
1136. You bitch.Copy !req
1137. Brody, why don't you join me?Copy !req
1138. I'll give you everything you've ever wanted:Copy !req
1139. Money, power, eternal life!Copy !req
1140. Plus, we can throw a party
like this every night.Copy !req
1141. Does sound kinda good, you know?Copy !req
1142. Partying every night.Copy !req
1143. Wait, what am I talking about?Copy !req
1144. You've got a penis!Copy !req
1145. Details.Copy !req
1146. Guys!Copy !req
1147. Guys, what are you doing?Copy !req
1148. Hey, boys, wanna party?Copy !req
1149. Boys, save yourselves!Copy !req
1150. Lucy's the devil!Copy !req
1151. I don't even care.Copy !req
1152. Let me offer some words of persuasion.Copy !req
1153. She has a penis.Copy !req
1154. Holy camel foot!Copy !req
1155. Yeah.Copy !req
1156. - Deal-breaker!
- Hey, move it!Copy !req
1157. What are we going to do?Copy !req
1158. He had a penis!Copy !req
1159. Brody, what are you... Focus!Copy !req
1160. My nana warned me about
these creepy L.A. People!Copy !req
1161. There's got to be somebody hereCopy !req
1162. that knows how to battle the powers of evil.Copy !req
1163. I am a golden god...Copy !req
1164. Flying squirrel!Copy !req
1165. - Backwater!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
1166. We should never have dared him!Copy !req
1167. Oh, Preston, baby.Copy !req
1168. That was awesome.Copy !req
1169. Catholic school girls are evil.Copy !req
1170. Get Backwater inside and sober him up.Copy !req
1171. I'm going to save some lives.Copy !req
1172. It's an emergency, man.Copy !req
1173. Hello again.Copy !req
1174. Look, I need everyone here
to listen to me very, very carefully.Copy !req
1175. But whatever you do,
please do not panic.Copy !req
1176. Everybody here is in danger
of being brutally murderedCopy !req
1177. and sacrificed to the devil.Copy !req
1178. So, if you would, please just move
single file to the door,Copy !req
1179. and we'll look forward
to seeing you next time.Copy !req
1180. Show us your tits!Copy !req
1181. Hell, no, we won't go.Copy !req
1182. Everybody, run!Copy !req
1183. Run!
Everybody out!Copy !req
1184. Last chance.Copy !req
1185. Come on, man!
You gotta wake up!Copy !req
1186. - Come on, bro.
- You're our only hope!Copy !req
1187. Come on, wake up!
Wake up!Copy !req
1188. - How's it coming?
- I don't know!Copy !req
1189. Maybe we need some more coffee!Copy !req
1190. I'm on it.
I'm on it!Copy !req
1191. Back up, hot little thing.Copy !req
1192. Was that decaf?Copy !req
1193. Oh. My bad.Copy !req
1194. - That one's on me.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1195. Come on, boy!
Ride 'em, boy!Copy !req
1196. It's Backwater's Bible.Copy !req
1197. This thing is, like,
the official textbook for fighting evil!Copy !req
1198. Ballsy, you are brilliant!Copy !req
1199. Who's my dog?Copy !req
1200. I think I found it: The Book of Psalms.Copy !req
1201. "And he who praises the Lord
through the glory of songCopy !req
1202. shall be saved and fear no evil. "Copy !req
1203. Come on, you guys, put it together.Copy !req
1204. We will sing a holy song
to defeat those evil... hot...Copy !req
1205. evil bitches!Copy !req
1206. Yes. Yes!Copy !req
1207. Hey! They're singing a holy song
to defeat us hot, evil bitches!Copy !req
1208. Child?Copy !req
1209. I don't know the song.Copy !req
1210. Get him!Copy !req
1211. Can I get you ladies a beverage?Copy !req
1212. Hey, fatty!Copy !req
1213. Keep it.
Keep it.Copy !req
1214. No, please!Copy !req
1215. Not really thirsty or...Copy !req
1216. Holy shit.Copy !req
1217. Sing it one time!Copy !req
1218. Come on!Copy !req
1219. Sing it with me, children!Copy !req
1220. They're bonding together.Copy !req
1221. And the show has unity
and human kindness.Copy !req
1222. Send these Satanic bitches
into their soul hole.Copy !req
1223. And now we're going to send
you evil hos back to hell!Copy !req
1224. That's hot!
That's hot!Copy !req
1225. Come on!Copy !req
1226. Oh, yeah, bitch.Copy !req
1227. Your soul is mine.Copy !req
1228. My balls.Copy !req
1229. And vagina.Copy !req
1230. Please, don't destroy me.Copy !req
1231. Do me.Copy !req
1232. Don't do it, Brody!Copy !req
1233. She is still pretty hot.Copy !req
1234. Whoa, your head, bro!Copy !req
1235. Awesome, dude.Copy !req
1236. That was one killer party, dude.Copy !req
1237. - You hungry?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1238. I knew you were a dirty boy.Copy !req
1239. Come on, girls.Copy !req
1240. Let's leave this whack devil house.Copy !req
1241. This ain't even evil.
You want to see evil?Copy !req
1242. - Yeah, baby, show me evil.
- I'll show you evil.Copy !req
1243. Wait till we get to my mom's house.Copy !req
1244. Yeah, you can't handle my evil lovin'.Copy !req
1245. You'd be like,
"Oh, MC Baby Chuggy-Thug,Copy !req
1246. your lovin' is too much for me!"Copy !req
1247. Then I'll get on the microphoneCopy !req
1248. and rap to you so pimpaliciously,Copy !req
1249. you'll have an eargasm for a millennia.Copy !req
1250. Then we're going to hop onto my private jetCopy !req
1251. and we going to Rome for some biscottiCopy !req
1252. and some espresso, bitches!Copy !req
1253. Let's go! Give me some room.
Give me some room.Copy !req
1254. Check it out.Copy !req
1255. We got you a little something.Copy !req
1256. El DiablolCopy !req
1257. Now we can use that spice up
our mother's marinara.Copy !req
1258. Then we'll do a little fiesta,Copy !req
1259. and afterwards, we clean you up,Copy !req
1260. you'll look like Antonio Banderas.Copy !req
1261. Hasta la vista, boys.Copy !req
1262. Ciao.Copy !req
1263. Backwater, we know we let you down.Copy !req
1264. Yeah. Sorry, man.Copy !req
1265. I know your spiritual
salvation was on the line.Copy !req
1266. You going to be okay?Copy !req
1267. I think I'll be fine.Copy !req
1268. - Yeah.
- Hot party, boys.Copy !req
1269. We'll see you next time.Copy !req
1270. Well, that's it.Copy !req
1271. All the stiffs have come back to lifeCopy !req
1272. and everybody's going home.Copy !req
1273. Yeah.Copy !req
1274. Including us.Copy !req
1275. My dad's balls are enormous.Copy !req
1276. They're like cantaloupes in a tube sock.Copy !req
1277. Fuck!Copy !req
1278. Where your house go?Copy !req
1279. Winnie?Copy !req
1280. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1281. I come to see how
you like your new pad.Copy !req
1282. Where it go?Copy !req
1283. Well...Copy !req
1284. we're not really sure.Copy !req
1285. No problem.Copy !req
1286. I like you boys, especially you, Softie.Copy !req
1287. Winnie help you find you a new pad.Copy !req
1288. You just invite Winnie
to the housewarming party.Copy !req
1289. Of course!Copy !req
1290. Yeah! Consider yourself officially invited!Copy !req
1291. Yeah, you can come
to all of our parties!Copy !req
1292. Come on, boys!
Winnie buy you breakfast.Copy !req
1293. You're so cute.
Shotgun.Copy !req
1294. Hello, Softie.
How are you?Copy !req
1295. Hey, where've you been, buddy?Copy !req
1296. Ballsy, come on.
Let's go!Copy !req
1297. This nice lady,Copy !req
1298. she's going to buy us a new house.Copy !req
1299. And she's going to take us to breakfast.Copy !req
1300. Sausage links!Copy !req
1301. Buckle up, boys.Copy !req
1302. - So, you're familiar with Tobey Maguire, right?
- Right.Copy !req
1303. You know the movies he was in,Copy !req
1304. like Spider-Man,
Seabiscuit, stuff like that?Copy !req
1305. - Whatever, yeah.
- All right, so look.Copy !req
1306. He's not really cool
with meeting new people.Copy !req
1307. So when you meet him,
just talk about his movies.Copy !req
1308. Talk about his movies,
but not the moviesCopy !req
1309. that no one saw,
like Pleasantville and stuff.Copy !req
1310. - All right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1311. Oh, and, um, don't make
direct eye-contactCopy !req
1312. because he doesn't like
to meet anybody for the first timeCopy !req
1313. and look him directly in the eye...Copy !req
1314. - Right, and that's...
- What?Copy !req
1315. - I mean, how's that possible?
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
1316. - Man, look at... Just go.
- I'm sorry. Shit, my bad.Copy !req
1317. It's going to be cool
because he doesn't likeCopy !req
1318. anybody taller than him,
so you're going to be perfect.Copy !req
1319. - That's perfect.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1320. Subtitled By J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CACopy !req