Kate Plays Christine (2016)

1. I hope to become

2. a lady with a little spice.

3. A housewife, mother, and good friend

4. to all of my acquaintances.

5. But whatever I endeavor, I shall try to make a go of it.

6. Because if there is anything that leaves a sour taste

7. in my mouth, it's failure.

8. In Sarasota, Florida today,

9. a 29 year old talk show hostess shot herself

10. in the head live on television.

11. The woman, Christine Chubbuck,

12. was taken to the hospital in critical condition.

13. Ms. Chubbuck wrote and starred in a half hour

14. daily show called the Suncoast Digest on station WXLT-TV.

15. This morning she said, in keeping with channel 40's

16. policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts,

17. you're going to see another first, an attempted suicide.

18. Then she drew a gun from beneath her desk and shot herself.

19. The screen went black within seconds

20. and public service programming went on later.

21. Among many areas of conflict in the U.S. today,

22. one involves the strict old morality

23. and the easy new morality.

24. But a Coral Gables, Florida...

25. Behold this beauty,

26. as our story unfolds.

27. - Should I say my name again?

28. Sure.

29. - My name's Kate and I'm auditioning for a party person.

30. And Anita.

31. - And Anita.

32. I haven't been to a party in a really long time though.

33. Alright, go for it Kate.

34. I've always wanted to be an actor,

35. I guess since I was nine years old.

36. I always felt relatively unseen by people when I was a kid.

37. Cause I was probably too shy to offer very much of myself.

38. Relax.

39. - She's driving me crazy.

40. Acting somehow became

41. this outlet for me to be seen.

42. I've quit a number of times,

43. but I continually go back to it.

44. I can't seem to stop.

45. It seems, to me, to be somewhat compulsive at this point.

46. I do worry, though, that the impulse

47. is perhaps an unhealthy one.

48. The woman host

49. of a local television broadcast

50. in Sarasota Florida, this morning,

51. pulled out a gun and shot herself in the head

52. while the program was on the air.

53. Family members said miss Chubbuck had been depressed

54. and had talked of suicide during the weekend.

55. So first things first,

56. let's try to recreate the one look

57. that we have of her. - Sure. Yeah.

58. So I like the—

59. - I like the scoop of it,

60. it's like the right, - I like the scoop.

61. - It's exactly the right shape.

62. Yeah.

63. Let's give it a shot.

64. - I wonder if even like, the shoulder seams are too big?

65. Yeah, because some of these tops

66. like that are so narrow in the shoulders.

67. Yeah.

68. If we just took it in?

69. Right.

70. It's not bad.

71. The shoulder seams aren't that bad.

72. I could build one and mail it.

73. - Oh my God.

74. - But I don't know when you'd be shooting this.

75. It could totally go—

76. Well one thing to keep in mind is,

77. I think the context in which we see her most of the time—

78. - Yeah.

79. Is like very professional, you know?

80. - Right.

81. - My first reaction was definitely,

82. man, I gotta see this footage,

83. and then, do I even wanna see the footage,

84. and then realizing I couldn't see the footage,

85. and then that made me want to see it even more, kind of.

86. I have a lot of friends down in Sarasota,

87. I asked them all about it, they had never heard of her.

88. Yeah.

89. Which is like, fascinating to me.

90. - I mean I guess we just don't have enough images of her

91. to know for sure but it seems like

92. she was a person who veered more on the side of pants,

93. or, like a more masculine style, perhaps,

94. but so to choose a dress for the actual day,

95. it's such an intentional thing.

96. She had a tan.

97. Her waist-length black hair was clean and shiny,

98. and her black and white print dress

99. complimented her long, slim figure.

100. - You know, I mean, often times as a costume designer,

101. you have to pick clothes that people die in,

102. but you don't often have to pick clothes that people—

103. Chose to die in.

104. - Choose to die in, yeah.

105. - Hey dad, how are you?

106. No, I'm going to Sarasota tomorrow to work on a movie.

107. Yeah.

108. It's the movie about Christine Chubbuck.

109. Right, I know, blood and guts television, yeah.

110. Yeah, that network was loosely based on her story.

111. Yeah, but the crazy thing is that, like,

112. the guy who wrote Network took this depressed woman,

113. and turned her into this macho, angry man.

114. Well I know, exactly, she was frustrated being a woman

115. in television and also it's men who are making the movie,

116. so I feel a little bit, that it's my responsibility

117. to represent her in some way, yeah.

118. Well, I'm excited because they're trying to do

119. this sort of stylized seventies soap opera sort of thing,

120. which is very intriguing to me,

121. especially because its something

122. that I don't get asked to do very often.

123. Like, character work, which is like,

124. if a performance of mine is called subtle one more time,

125. I think I might lose my mind, but I do worry

126. that it will be a very difficult tone to find,

127. especially because she was a real woman.

128. but I think we can do it.

129. I mean I guess my interest in her,

130. at first, was like pretty superficial,

131. it's just she's the first person who killed herself on air,

132. and that's like, a remarkable moment.

133. But it does seem that the story has been largely forgotten.

134. I mean, in terms of availability of information,

135. that's very frustrating, and it's also just kind of sad.

136. So I have to learn as much about

137. Christine Chubbuck as I possibly can,

138. but I also have to try and understand,

139. the mind of a person who would kill herself.

140. Hi, my name is Kate, and I'm an actor who is preparing

141. to work on a film about Christine Chubbuck,

142. who was a journalist on Channel 40 in the seventies,

143. and I was wondering, I know that Channel 40 was folded

144. into ABC, and I was wondering if you might have

145. any footage of her in your archives?

146. I have, yes, I've looked at everything

147. that's available on the internet, yeah.

148. - It's just interesting, I had heard of this story,

149. but I never knew if it was an urban legend or not,

150. and having lived in Sarasota for 10 years,

151. I never made the connection that it was actually an event

152. that took place here, so I was pretty shocked

153. when you brought the article to our attention,

154. so I'd be happy to help you find that.

155. - Thank you.

156. So this is the original Washington Post article

157. written by Sally Quinn.

158. Christine Chubbuck, 29, good looking,

159. educated, television personality, dead, live and in color.

160. Christine Chubbuck flicked her long dark hair back away

161. from her face, swallowed, twitched her lips only slightly,

162. and reached her left hands to the,

163. to turn the next page of her script.

164. Looking down on the anchor desk, she began to read.

165. In keeping with Channel 40's policy

166. of bringing you the latest in,

167. she looked up from the script,

168. directly into the camera, and smiled a tentative smile.

169. So she smiled.

170. Her voice took on a sarcastic tone as she emphasized,

171. blood and guts and in living color.

172. She looked back down at her script,

173. her left hand shook almost unnoticeably.

174. Unnoticeably, that's funny, the first time

175. I read it, I thought it said noticeably.

176. Her right arm stiffened, we bring you another first.

177. Her voice was steady, she looked up again into the camera.

178. Her eyes were dark, direct, and challenging.

179. An attempted suicide.

180. Her right hand came up from under the anchor desk,

181. and it was a 38 caliber revolver.

182. She pointed it at the lower back of her head,

183. and pulled the trigger.

184. A loud crack was heard, a puff of smoke blew out

185. from the gun and her hair flew up around her face,

186. as though a sudden gust of wind had caught it.

187. Her mouth wrenched downward, her head shook,

188. and then her body fell forward

189. with a resounding thud against the anchor desk

190. and slowly slipped out of sight.

191. On the desk, after Chris had been rushed to the hospital,

192. a blood-soaked news story was found.

193. It was the story of her own suicide attempt,

194. written in long-hand.

195. Okay, so she typed out the news copy

196. that she was going to read that she had hand-written,

197. which she wanted them to read after, earlier.

198. It described the attempt,

199. how she was taken to Sarasota Memorial Hospital,

200. and it listed her in critical condition.

201. Whoa.

202. Chris would have been 30 on August 24th,

203. and she was still a virgin, it bothered her like hell.

204. If you look at it on paper, said her mother,

205. her suicide was simply because

206. her personal life was not enough.

207. There was a haunting melody in Chris, said Ms. Chubbuck.

208. It's almost like her life was a little out of gear

209. with other people.

210. Last summer, she had had an ovary removed.

211. The doctors told her then that if she didn't have children

212. within the next two or three years,

213. she probably never would,

214. and of course, there were no prospects.

215. She had worked for nearly a year

216. with a young man named George Peter Ryan,

217. a tall, handsome, blond stockbroker,

218. who read the stock reports on the local news show.

219. George, gorgeous George to some of his friends,

220. was divorced and had some personal problems.

221. Chris developed a crush on him,

222. in fact, she confided to one of her friends

223. that she had decided George was the perfect person

224. to help her solve her problems.

225. She went to George on his 30th birthday in late June

226. with a cake, and later, at a press party,

227. she made it clear to him in a subtle way

228. that she was available.

229. He rejected her.

230. She was saying I was here, not just Sarasota,

231. but I was here, world.

232. She committed a grossly public act,

233. one that, in its way, reverberated around the world

234. and left those behind to deal with the reason why.

235. Hi, may I speak to Mr. LaHurd please?

236. I was calling because I found your number on the internet,

237. I saw that you are sort of the preeminent Sarasota historian

238. and I'm here researching a role.

239. - Okay, come on in.

240. - Hi, how are you?

241. - Jeff LaHurd.

242. - Yeah, nice to meet you.

243. Do you find that people still talk about Christine Chubbuck?

244. - Not at all.

245. - No?

246. - No, just by definition of people moving in,

247. people moving out, people are gonna forget

248. that type of thing, forget anything.

249. I really love history, I mean,

250. I love Sarasota history in particular,

251. but I love world history as well,

252. but I remember somebody said to me one time,

253. you die two times, you die when you pass away,

254. and then you die the second time the last time

255. somebody mentions your name.

256. Hi Monica, my name is Kate, and I got your information

257. from Jeff LaHurd, I'm here in Sarasota working

258. on a film project about a woman named Christine Chubbuck,

259. who was a journalist in Sarasota in the seventies,

260. and we've heard that she may have come in

261. to the Crescent Club back then,

262. and I just wanted to speak to you

263. and see if you may have any memories of her?

264. Really?

265. And no Christines?

266. Thank you, thank you so much.

267. So when exactly is the last time you were here?

268. - Probably down about 35 years ago.

269. - Oh my goodness.

270. I promise you, I promise you, if that bar is still there

271. 35 years from now, I will go, I will go.

272. How common is the problem with suicide?

273. To mention the known statistics,

274. the reported statistics for a moment,

275. we can say something like this:

276. that suicide ranks among the first 10

277. in the causes of death among adults.

278. In some states—

279. I'm very afraid of suicide.

280. Even when I really start to think of it,

281. it just doesn't, it scares me.

282. When I try and get myself into a place where

283. I could imagine what it would be like

284. to want to do that, it makes me afraid.

285. Police have this area locked down,

286. at least in this immediate area.

287. If you take a look, Gauthier Boulevard is shut down,

288. police are making sure they're going through,

289. they have everything that they are looking for here.

290. Now there are three different locations—

291. - Hi.

292. - Hi. - Oh, hi, you're all set?

293. - I am.

294. - Come on over, and I'll show you how to use the bed.

295. When you're ready, you're just gonna turn—

296. I push the blue button?

297. - When you're ready, yeah.

298. I get in the bed.

299. - Yeah.

300. Close it, and I'm set.

301. - Then you will be all set.

302. Okay, sorry I'm so pale.

303. - Oh, don't you worry.

304. Are you kidding, that's why people come here, so.

305. - It's gonna take a lot of work.

306. Yeah,

307. we will take it one minute at a time.

308. - Together, we can do it.

309. - When you have it like this, pull it all the way down

310. on your neck and then get hold of this part.

311. How long have you been making wigs for?

312. Too long.

313. Too long.

314. I was licensed in 1963.

315. Whoa.

316. - Okay you're going to slide on, put the cap on.

317. - Yeah, sure.

318. Whoa, sorry.

319. Should I get the wig out of the—

320. Sure.

321. Okay.

322. Let me just try to just get hold of it.

323. - Okay.

324. I have two clips on each side.

325. - Sure.

326. - You want the two ends to lock down.

327. It should follow the contour of your hair.

328. Push this a little more back.

329. And this part is forward, and this one is kinda...

330. She's so somber, so—

331. I know.

332. - Sad looking, its heartbreaking when you look at her.

333. Except you're prettier than she was.

334. Oh my gosh, that's very sweet of you.

335. - I mean it.

336. I'm just worried about how you're gonna be able

337. to be so sad and so, like the whole world fell

338. on your head or on your back.

339. - Yeah.

340. - I don't think I can be that sad.

341. Yeah.

342. I think you can become a little desperate—

343. - But I mean to become 29 years old and have no friends,

344. and have no boyfriend, God, by 29, without any boyfriends.

345. Put that liner inside the wig.

346. Yeah, great, thank you.

347. - Gotta think of something morbid so you can look like her.

348. Okay.

349. - I don't think that'll be easy for you.

350. Yeah, I'd have to think of my husband.

351. I'm sorry.

352. - When I think of him, I can cry, cry, cry.

353. Oh, I'm sorry.

354. So how long have you been working

355. with Herald & Review, when did you begin?

356. - According to the calendars,

357. I started here forty and a half years ago

358. with the Herald Tribune's afternoon newspaper,

359. the Sarasota Journal in June of 1974 as an intern.

360. - So then a month and a half later,

361. Christine Chubbuck committed suicide?

362. Yes, yeah, yeah.

363. - What is your memory of that day?

364. - The word spread like, through the grapevine, you know?

365. I mean, it wasn't tweeted or emailed, you know,

366. it was telephone calls and hey, did you see what happened

367. on Channel 40, and people in restaurants, you know,

368. would spread the word the old-fashioned way,

369. you know, person to person.

370. I seem to remember there might,

371. you know, people thought maybe

372. she had boyfriend problems or something like that.

373. Maybe there's just a lot of pressure trying to make it

374. with this little TV station that was just finding it's feet.

375. I just thought she was kind of edgy, you know?

376. My recollection was that she had kind of a hard edge to her,

377. you know, that you don't have, you know,

378. you're very soft and, you know, pleasant looking,

379. and she looked, you know, kind of like tough.

380. She looked tough to me, you know.

381. So if you're gonna play this role,

382. I would recommend you would need to have

383. like a simmering undercurrent of some kind

384. of resentment or personal turmoil,

385. and you need to have this intensity and, you know,

386. there's nothing placid about Christine Chubbuck,

387. you know, when you come down to it, she proved it.

388. The fact that she asked for her show to be video-taped

389. that day, indicates to me pre-meditation.

390. You are somebody who's plotting something.

391. And there's gonna be a victim,

392. and its not gonna end well, and you're the victim.

393. - I am attracted to those sort of women

394. on the verge of a psychotic breakdown roles,

395. but I was very attracted to those stories

396. with a certain level of remove

397. when I was a little bit younger,

398. and now I feel a greater responsibility

399. to not fetishize the crazy woman.

400. I want to pay respect to Christine Chubbuck,

401. and of course, empathize with her,

402. which I already do as much as I possibly can,

403. but also, I don't want there to be anything sexy

404. or glorified about a person taking their own life

405. because it's just sad, and its a little bit difficult

406. because I have never seen the tape of her,

407. so it's just hard to figure out, you know,

408. when I haven't heard her voice, haven't seen her move,

409. to figure out what she might have been like.

410. - Alright, in three, two, one.

411. And good morning everyone.

412. Sorry, afternoon, it's the afternoon.

413. That's twice, that's two, I'm really not bad at this.

414. It's all good.

415. - Here we go, in three, two, one.

416. And good Tuesday afternoon everybody,

417. it's another warm day on the sun coast,

418. and a day to keep an eye out for those scattered showers

419. and storms—

420. Hi, I'm Kate.

421. - Kate, John Hill, very nice to meet you,

422. welcome to Sarasota, Florida.

423. - Thank you very much.

424. You are an anchor here at SNN?

425. - Yes, I've been working here at SNN,

426. with the 24 hour cable company,

427. which kind of competes with CNN a little bit,

428. for local news, that's what we do.

429. I've been here at SNN for 10 years.

430. I was at another TV station here, WWSB,

431. for Channel 40 for 10 years prior to that.

432. - Hi, I'm Tony, chief engineer at WSNN.

433. Before I was at Channel 40, which was originally

434. the station that it happened at.

435. - Right.

436. Do you have any memory of Christine Chubbuck, her story?

437. - I have only heard stories, I had no insight

438. into Christine in any way, shape or form,

439. other than, when things would go wrong at WWSB,

440. we'd say Christine's acting up again.

441. Really?

442. - Yes, we'd blame it on Christine.

443. - I had a few engineers, friends of mine,

444. say that they would be working in Master Control

445. and feel like a breeze come up

446. across the back of their necks,

447. or hear voices in the background

448. when nobody was in the studio.

449. - As far as what Christine did,

450. that afternoon, it was a total waste of time,

451. total waste of one good bullet,

452. and total waste of the people that continue to talk about it

453. because it accomplished nothing.

454. It didn't help her with her depression,

455. it didn't help reset anything with women

456. in this business, it didn't help anything,

457. other than make a sensational statement that,

458. who remembers yesterday's headline?

459. - It's very rare for anybody to talk about it in town

460. because it was something that most people didn't see.

461. I heard that there was a tape that exists.

462. Some say that it's property of ABC7 today.

463. There is a safe in the controller's office,

464. but I don't know if there's any tapes in it.

465. - When I was at WWSB, people talked

466. about a tape, that there was a tape.

467. I have no personal knowledge of it,

468. to me it's a rumor, but I've heard a tape did exist.

469. - Basically, the new regime doesn't even mention it.

470. The facility, when I started working there,

471. was the new facility built in 2000.

472. The old facility out on Clark road is still there.

473. I think it's a dance studio now.

474. That's it there with the people out front?

475. They sold the station 90 something,

476. and moved downtown to the new ABC building,

477. and then it was a radio station right after the TV station,

478. then that shut down, then it became Club River Pilates

479. and then it was vacant for years and years,

480. until, recently, somebody else bought it,

481. it's an office building of some sort.

482. - Okay.

483. - I'm hoping to find a tape of Christine Chubbuck.

484. No, no, no, no, not the tape of her suicide,

485. but anything at all, any sort of,

486. anything that you have archived of her out.

487. Sure.

488. We're going to The Bullet Hole,

489. which is the new location, the same business,

490. from which Christine bought the gun.

491. I feel frustrated cause I don't know,

492. I haven't been able to find out very much.

493. A lot of people have opinions about her,

494. a few people remember the story,

495. but no one's had any real particular insight.

496. These people are like, six degrees removed,

497. but have opinions about what might have driven her to do it.

498. I don't know, I'm just shooting in the dark.

499. - Alright, thank you.

500. How you doing today? - Hi, how are you?

501. I'm good, how are you?

502. - Great, how can I help you today?

503. - I just wanted to ask you a few questions.

504. How long have you guys been here?

505. - We're in this location for about two years,

506. two years and a week.

507. Okay.

508. - We were on Main street for 67 years.

509. Whoa.

510. - There's a whole little story back out there about us,

511. they've done the Scene Magazine.

512. Cool.

513. There you are.

514. - That's me!

515. Alright, what I'm gonna recommend for you as a beginner—

516. Yes.

517. - Okay, would be a revolver.

518. Revolver's the safest, most reliable gun you could ever own.

519. It's just point and shoot.

520. One of the popular ones is this Smith & Wesson, model 642.

521. Do you mind if I ask you a little bit

522. about what the process of buying a gun

523. would have been like in the seventies?

524. - Years ago, it was a one single sheet of paper.

525. Wanted to know your name, your address, your phone number,

526. what you use for ID, how you identified yourself.

527. Then you answered questions that were pretty much like

528. they are in here, then you answer them yes or no.

529. If you answer yes to a wrong one

530. or no to a wrong one, I don't sell you the gun.

531. Alright, so let's suppose you're gonna do this one.

532. Always check it for empty.

533. Yes.

534. When you grip the firearm—

535. So if there is a history of mental instability,

536. back then, would it be checked against anything?

537. Do you know?

538. - Well they didn't really do background checks back then,

539. and so, there would be no way that they would know.

540. Yeah, that would be a tough situation,

541. that's just like going to a gun show.

542. Yeah

543. - You could walk into a gun show,

544. put the money down, pick up a gun,

545. and they know nothing about ya.

546. I mean, I have no way of knowing your history.

547. You could be the biggest nut in the world,

548. you walk in here and you look like you look,

549. and you say hello to you, and you say,

550. okay, fine, I don't have a degree in psychology,

551. so I wouldn't know whether your eyes are supposed

552. to be one this way, one that way.

553. But, in either case,

554. If you look proper and you do everything you're supposed to,

555. and you answer the questions properly,

556. you have the right to buy a gun.

557. - So what I'm researching, specifically,

558. is a journalist who lived here in Sarasota

559. in the seventies named Christine Chubbuck.

560. - What's her name?

561. - Christine Chubbuck.

562. - I don't know her.

563. - Do you remember, she was a news reporter

564. who killed herself on air in 1974?

565. - That's long before me, I didn't get here until '82.

566. - Yep, but apparently she, in this previous location,

567. was where she purchased the gun.

568. - Was where?

569. - Was where she purchased the gun.

570. To kill herself.

571. - At The Bullet Hole?

572. - At The Bullet Hole.

573. - Yeah, that was back, like I said, it opened in '47.

574. If I do everything in my power to do it properly,

575. I feel bad about loss of life,

576. but I don't feel responsible for it.

577. What else can I do for you today?

578. Hi.

579. - How can I help you today?

580. - I'm looking to purchase a handgun.

581. - Okay, alright, did you have any experience

582. at all with a firearm?

583. - No, not much.

584. - None whatsoever.

585. - But I'm learning.

586. - I'm gonna highly recommend a revolver for you,

587. cause its the simplest and the safest gun

588. you can own, so I'm gonna start with this.

589. Okay.

590. Thank you.

591. You want this for hunting,

592. or home protection, or what?

593. Home protection.

594. Protection, alright.

595. Yeah.

596. Feels good.

597. I've noticed a large increase

598. of female sales in the area.

599. - Is that right?

600. - Yeah, women are starting to buy more and more guns.

601. So that's the red one?

602. Yeah.

603. - Oh my God.

604. - Hi, sorry, no, no, it's fine.

605. You were off, you were so still

606. that I thought that you were like a manikin.

607. - Oh, Jesus, sorry to scare you.

608. - This way.

609. Is your mic on?

610. Oh my God.

611. Oh my God.

612. She is so sweet.

613. You know what's better is that though.

614. This is awesome.

615. Is she a—

616. Can she play the part?

617. - Like, where do you live?

618. - New York. - I live in New York.

619. And it's hot, but it's like—

620. It's super hot.

621. - Cause we're shooting a—

622. What is going on right now?

623. She plays Christine.

624. Yeah, I think my ship will sail,

625. I'm like 33, I think my ship will sail.

626. - I was 31.

627. Was your birthday just now?

628. I know.

629. - You're 31?

630. 31.

631. - No one's gonna want you anymore, you're done.

632. They're already done?

633. - Yeah, don't start.

634. I'm five two, barely.

635. I got this, I got this.

636. - We got it, we got it.

637. Okay.

638. Good shooting.

639. Thank you.

640. You're doing really good.

641. Bull's-eye.

642. - Amazing.

643. Thank you. - You did really good.

644. - Thank you for your help.

645. - Any questions?

646. You can take your ears off now.

647. Oh, thanks.

648. I don't have any questions.

649. Right now.

650. - Well you're a natural.

651. - Thank you.

652. Thank you.

653. So this is from her autobiography,

654. that she wrote when she was 15.

655. I hope to be able to become a lady with a little spice.

656. A housewife, a mother, and a good friend

657. to all of my acquaintances, but whatever I endeavor,

658. I shall try to make a go of it, because if there is anything

659. that leaves a sour taste in my mouth, it's failure.

660. I never wanted to be a housewife.

661. I've never particularly wanted kids until recently.

662. In high school, she started a club

663. called the dateless wonder club.

664. I didn't date anybody until I was 21 years old.

665. Fuck!

666. Ahhh, fuck.

667. - The part of that Washington Post article

668. where she's described as being man-ish,

669. this seems like a seventies thing to me,

670. but I have also been described

671. as having a masculine quality.

672. She just wanted a relationship, any relationship,

673. regardless of how the man were to treat her,

674. and I remember saying something similar

675. when I was a teenager to a friend of mine.

676. At a movie theater, I have a very clear recollection.

677. The way I would do this, as an actor,

678. is to be sitting at that table,

679. writing down these differences and internalizing them,

680. rather than delivering them to you in a monologue.

681. Until I make all of this stuff, this wig, and this makeup,

682. and the clothes feel as natural as possible,

683. I just, I feel like I'm playing dress-up.

684. It makes me feel really uncomfortable.

685. Kate?

686. - Hey. - Hi, how are you?

687. Alright, go ahead and sit back.

688. You are coming in today for a contact lens today?

689. - I just need colored contacts,

690. I'm trying to look like I have brown eyes for something.

691. Okay.

692. And then one more here.

693. - Okay.

694. Perfect, here's the tipping point.

695. - Okay, thank you.

696. Now, they'll also be doing that,

697. I remember an old, one of the old-timers here,

698. telling me a story before they had the radios,

699. and some of the—

700. A lot of times before a storm's coming,

701. if that storm's coming for them,

702. they'll all get up in the air, so that could possibly be

703. what they're doing right now.

704. They'll all ride up in the air cause naturally,

705. that's what they do, they ride the air currents,

706. so they use anything to their advantage.

707. If they have a storm coming, they'll use

708. that so they can travel.

709. Okay, look up.

710. Perfect.

711. Good job.

712. - Is it in there?

713. Yeah, and it looks really good.

714. Cool.

715. That looks really natural.

716. Okay, look up.

717. To the left.

718. Perfect, great job.

719. Good job.

720. Never know you have blue eyes.

721. Looks good.

722. - That is very strange.

723. That's really good.

724. So this is your first spray tan?

725. This is my first ever spray tan.

726. - Yeah, you're gonna love it.

727. Oh, it's cold - Is it cold?

728. It's cold, and it's loud.

729. Sorry.

730. It's okay.

731. Other side.

732. - Hi, I'm Christine Chubbuck,

733. and welcome to suncoast digest.

734. Today, we'll be speaking with Melissa Melloy,

735. owner of the Creative Joy Playshop.

736. Thank you for being with us today.

737. - My pleasure.

738. - Can you tell me a bit about the business?

739. - Sure.

740. It's brand new, I've pretty much taken

741. an open studio art environment,

742. and added some inspirational brainstorming

743. and a lot of people have found

744. that it's a really kind of zen space

745. to come and hang out and play.

746. - That's amazing.

747. I hear that you and I have a common interest.

748. Tell me.

749. - Puppetry.

750. - Oh, that's true, absolutely.

751. I was for, I think four years, the face puppeteer

752. in Sarasota county schools, so—

753. Whoa.

754. - I took a two-tiered stage, and individually went

755. with like, I think we had six puppets

756. in one of the shows, and I was...

757. Talk to us about how you think that went.

758. - I mean, for me, very badly because I'm not prepared.

759. One of the things that we know about her is that

760. she was good at her job, that she really cared

761. and really, really, really worked hard,

762. and that was one of the things that meant the most to her.

763. To be midway through the preparation process

764. and to be improvising,

765. and not only improvising personal stuff,

766. or private moments, but improvising her at work,

767. is like a very frustrating thing because I wasn't good.

768. The particular role that I have

769. in the making of this film is difficult enough as it is,

770. so I have to look at those reenacted scenes

771. as just me trying to play Christine Chubbuck,

772. and today, in doing that, I think that I failed.

773. I hate it, I hate the way that feels.

774. Good afternoon, how are you?

775. - Hi, how are you?

776. - I'm good, can I show you anything special today?

777. - I'm just looking for now, thank you though.

778. The woman, I was reading up on the woman

779. that I'm going to play, and she's 29 years old,

780. but she sort of dressed her room

781. in a somewhat childlike manner.

782. Oh.

783. She had stuffed animals

784. and sort of a frilly bedspread.

785. And you're hoping you can replicate it?

786. Sort of re-create it.

787. - Uh huh, well that sounds interesting.

788. - Just to feel for how she lived her life.

789. - Will you stay in Sarasota then?

790. - Yeah, I am staying in Sarasota.

791. - Great, great, well welcome to Sarasota.

792. - You have been thinking this way for a long time.

793. And, it's not that we're done listening,

794. it's just that we've run out of ideas.

795. - I haven't run out of ideas.

796. I just think that you should take some time and relax.

797. Yeah.

798. - Take some time to calm down.

799. Life is hard, and it's okay that sometimes—

800. - No, I know that life is hard,

801. it just, it does make me mad sometimes, but it's okay.

802. If life gets too hard, I'll just get out.

803. If I can't handle it, I'll leave.

804. She had left a small town

805. in Ohio several years ago, and moved

806. into her family's summer home on Siesta Key.

807. Two years later, her parents were divorced

808. and her mother moved down.

809. Chris' brother Timothy is artistic and creative,

810. and it was Timothy who decorated the house they live in,

811. all very tasteful in house and garden in pinks and greens.

812. He helped Chris with her bedroom,

813. a yellow and white checked room

814. with a single bed in the corner,

815. with ruffled curtains around her bedposts.

816. They looked more like the room of a nine year old girl

817. than a 30 year old, five foot nine woman.

818. I think your mugs are magical.

819. - Thanks.

820. - I like your glasses.

821. Oh really, you wanna try 'em on?

822. They look good.

823. I don't have to tell you things are bad.

824. Everybody knows things are bad.

825. I want you to get up now. - Up now.

826. I want all of you

827. to get up out of your chairs - Get up out of your chairs.

828. Up right now - I want you get up right now,

829. and go to the window - The window

830. open it, - Open it,

831. then stick your head out - Stick your head out,

832. and yell - And yell,

833. I was mad as hell - I was mad as hell,

834. but I'm not gonna - But I'm not gonna

835. take this anymore! - Take this anymore!

836. - So I think it goes like this.

837. That's what I think.

838. - It comes this way?

839. - That's what it's like, this.

840. I find that the parts

841. that I play have lingering effects,

842. that maybe I am more deeply invested

843. than I realize that I am.

844. I have this sadness, or depression,

845. that I find inexplicable until

846. I remember the incredibly obvious explanation,

847. that I had just spent however many weeks or months

848. digging up painful experiences

849. from my own life to try and play the character.

850. Sometimes, acting makes me very happy,

851. sometimes I feel like I've discovered something

852. or gotten closer to something,

853. but sometimes it's a very frustrating thing

854. trying to capture something I find wrong,

855. then show it to people, but it's also difficult

856. for me to talk about how it's hard to do

857. because who fucking cares, but it is.

858. It's hard to do it well.

859. Then if you're chosen to do it,

860. then it's unconscionable to do it without trying

861. to do it as well as you possibly can,

862. and so then there's a very large margin for error.

863. - I'm Marty Stonerock, and I live in Orlando, Florida.

864. My husband's really sick right now,

865. so I stopped auditioning, you know.

866. I stopped at least going up to Georgia, you know,

867. and trying to just stay in Orlando.

868. Start doing theater so I could stay home

869. and take care of Bob, and when I got the call,

870. my daughter said, you know, go on mom, you know,

871. read for it and nothing ventured nothing gained,

872. at least have fun auditioning for the day, you know?

873. And then when I got it, again, my daughter,

874. you know, stepped up and so that was really nice,

875. it was nice to have a day to practice your craft

876. and tell a story, and get out of the house.

877. I thought it was just so incredibly sad

878. and so myopic on her side that it was like

879. you just couldn't get to the other side of her

880. and saying, you know, maybe things will get better.

881. I think we struggle for those answers because,

882. it goes against our grain to wanna snuff out our life.

883. I'd like to think that we all have some kinda hope.

884. You know, right now my husband is fighting for his life,

885. and he'll take a shitty day over no day.

886. You know?

887. Maybe if she just lived the next day,

888. it would've gotten a little bit better.

889. - My name is Rick Ver Helst, I'm a clinical psychologist,

890. and I'm the chief operating officer

891. at Costal Behavioral Health Care here in Sarasota.

892. Depression can wax and wane, but in a case like that,

893. it sounds like this was an individual

894. who was likely depressed pretty consistently

895. for quite some time.

896. People just didn't talk about those things

897. back in that time, even the term depression

898. would not have been used all that much in the seventies.

899. You would hear people talk

900. about people having a nervous breakdown.

901. And what about the public nature

902. of her suicide, it seems slightly unusual.

903. - That is an interesting feature to this.

904. If I had to guess, I would say that it probably has to do

905. with her selecting journalism as a profession.

906. Journalists are all about giving information

907. to the public, and, you know, perhaps this was,

908. in her own, distorted way, giving the kind of message

909. to the public that she'd doing as a journalist.

910. - Hey.

911. Yeah.

912. - I got a story for ya Bob.

913. Okay?

914. - I wanna do a piece on suicide.

915. - Well you're gonna do whatever it is you wanna do anyway.

916. - Thanks Bob.

917. Several weeks before she died,

918. she called the local police department

919. and discussed methods of suicide with one of the officers.

920. When Chris Chubbuck killed herself,

921. she followed those instructions.

922. There were some who were confused

923. by the word attempted suicide in her script,

924. but those who worked with her had a ready explanation.

925. Chris was too good a newswoman

926. to write suicide when it might have failed.

927. What do you find is the most effective method

928. for committing suicide?

929. You do it right, they all work, right?

930. Slit your wrists, hanging, pills, very common,

931. especially with the women, it's neater.

932. Men seem to prefer the gunshots,

933. you don't wanna eat the gun, or go to the temple,

934. you wanna go right to the base

935. of the skull, right around here,

936. that way the bullet doesn't have to leave the skull.

937. So once it gets in there, you're done.

938. - Alright, well I think those are all the questions

939. that we have for you today, thank you for speaking with us.

940. Sure.

941. Chris' closest friend,

942. if she had one, was Andrea Kirby.

943. It was Andrea to whom Chris confided

944. her plan to proposition George.

945. Andrea had no patience with Chris' tendency

946. to feel sorry for herself.

947. Occasionally she would say, that's right Chris,

948. just kick yourself in the ass, what she didn't say

949. was that she and George were already seeing each other.

950. I just wish for one week I could have someone who loved me

951. and I could love them back.

952. - That's right Christine, just kick yourself in the ass.

953. Woe is me, I'm Chris Chubbuck,

954. and the whole world is on my head.

955. Darling, you really need to just brush yourself off

956. and quit with the whole routine.

957. - You know four years ago, I tried to kill myself,

958. with pills cause I was so desperately lonely and unhappy.

959. So I don't really think that I'm blowing smoke,

960. but thank you for listening to me.

961. You know, I think I have a crush George.

962. I was gonna bake him a cake and go to his birthday party.

963. Put on a good face, make things a little interesting.

964. What do you think?

965. - Chris, I had no idea.

966. - Oh, I hear miss Florida is the new weather girl.

967. She's probably gunning for my job.

968. They'll probably give it to her.

969. - My name's Stephanie Coatney, and I'm from Florida.

970. Acting's been a great way for me to deal

971. with all of the different personalities

972. that you have in your head, and it's one way

973. that I've been able to cope, I guess.

974. I look like I had a perfect life,

975. and I think a lot of people assumed that growing up,

976. but it was quite dark in those times, so.

977. I think it was really bold what she did.

978. I feel like media shows us what people want to see,

979. and that got ratings, and that's what this is about,

980. you know, that all this horror got, brought attention,

981. it brought ratings, but for what?

982. And she put it out there, you know,

983. this isn't right, you wanna see it, here it is.

984. You wanna see how disturbed America is?

985. Here you go, I'm a successful, beautiful woman,

986. but I am still not happy, here you go.

987. - Chris, you're a good journalist,

988. but you gotta remember that this is my station.

989. - You cannot continue to bump my stories

990. week after week for things like housing awards.

991. Do you wanna run a news station?

992. - How many times do I have to listen to you come in here?

993. How many times do I have to have you griping at me

994. when I'm doing the best I can to keep this station afloat?

995. So you can go on and rant and rave all you want—

996. - Don't do that to me, do not belittle me,

997. and do not do that to me, Bob.

998. You know that I know what I'm doing.

999. You know how hard I work.

1000. Do not speak to me that way. - I already told you once—

1001. - Do not speak to me that way!

1002. - Well, my name is Michael Ray Davis,

1003. and I live in Orlando, Florida.

1004. I've been an actor for about 25 years if you count radio.

1005. I had never heard of Christine Chubbuck

1006. before reading for the project,

1007. and I was deeply moved because I understand,

1008. I think, how someone could be that depressed.

1009. If you're in the business I'm in,

1010. the constant rejection is very depressing,

1011. and, to be honest with you, I think that anybody

1012. hasn't even thought about committing suicide,

1013. hasn't really been paying attention,

1014. but we don't think about it and then follow through on it,

1015. cause, it's just one of those things in life.

1016. You go to five interviews for a job

1017. and everybody says that you're a pile of crap,

1018. you have to get those feelings of rejection

1019. just like we get in the acting business.

1020. She was completely fed up with everything

1021. and she wanted to tell the station owner

1022. that she understood how to get ratings.

1023. I hate to use an old cliché, but she was just mad as hell,

1024. and wasn't gonna take it anymore.

1025. Seconds before shooting herself,

1026. miss Chubbuck told WXLT TV viewers, in keeping

1027. with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest

1028. in blood and guts and in living color,

1029. you're going to see another first, attempted suicide.

1030. - Well I think there are a number of reasons

1031. why you might get into a career that has you standing

1032. in front of a camera, but a desire to be seen

1033. and recognized is certainly one of them

1034. that I can relate to.

1035. I mean, I think that she probably was seen and noticed,

1036. but that she had an inability to feel that.

1037. Her suicidal tendency was genuine,

1038. and came from a place of extreme and chronic depression,

1039. but I also do think that she wanted to spark a conversation

1040. about depression and about suicide.

1041. - Step inside for a little bit,

1042. eventually the shower or storm will—

1043. Hi, I'm Craig Burdick.

1044. - Kate.

1045. - Kate, what's your last name?

1046. - Shiel.

1047. - Shiel, and what do you do? - Yes.

1048. - I'm an actor.

1049. - Oh, very good.

1050. Certainly we all remember the movie Network,

1051. but I know nothing about it to speak of,

1052. other than what I have heard from a few people here,

1053. who worked in the market back then.

1054. I mean, it's astonishing, it really is.

1055. - Right before Christine Chubbuck killed herself

1056. on air, she delivered a brief speech

1057. where she sort of railed against the news station

1058. for moving in the direction of blood and guts television.

1059. I was wondering if you had any thoughts on that?

1060. - We are, lets face it, we are a society sometimes

1061. of gawkers, I mean, we want to see the train accident,

1062. we wanna see the exploding flames.

1063. So I sometimes have a problem with this idea

1064. that television news is all blood and guts.

1065. Television stations are pretty much

1066. going to do what viewers want them to do,

1067. and sometimes we think long and hard

1068. about how we do some of these stories.

1069. You know, we don't do suicides...

1070. - Why not?

1071. - Because it's so personal for someone to decide

1072. to do that on their own, or because they're despondent,

1073. or whatever, it's just one of those things

1074. that television just doesn't do.

1075. It was based near Washington.

1076. The presidential party flew in from Cincinnati

1077. on a small government jet—

1078. - Hi Chris, I don't have time for this.

1079. - Look, just hear me out, okay?

1080. Last week a plane went down in Paris,

1081. and nearly four hundred people died, meanwhile,

1082. my story's getting pushed for another shootout.

1083. Mike, look, I know, I know

1084. you are just trying to do your job.

1085. - Are you telling me a shootout isn't news?

1086. - Yes, I am saying that an old man

1087. and a kid who were in the wrong place

1088. at the wrong time is not news,

1089. there is nothing that the public could possibly learn

1090. from us reporting on that, meanwhile,

1091. planes are dropping out of the sky and no one knows why.

1092. - Ever hear of gravity?

1093. A shootout is news.

1094. Sarasotans hear about it, and they wanna see it.

1095. You did a good story, but news happens,

1096. and I have to get back to work.

1097. My name's Holland Hayes,

1098. and I live in Orlando, Florida.

1099. - This is totally unacceptable.

1100. - You know, I googled Christine Chubbuck,

1101. and I thought, well there's videos somewhere,

1102. and I kept looking and there's no video anywhere.

1103. If she wanted us to see the video

1104. and we can't see the video, and there's so much stuff

1105. out there that you can get your hands on

1106. that we probably shouldn't see

1107. or people don't want us to see, and it's all out there.

1108. - So you're gonna talk about why you cut

1109. your fingernails, your career in the circus, how long you—

1110. How's that?

1111. - What is this?

1112. - What, flowers.

1113. - I don't want these goddamn things in my studio.

1114. I don't want these damn things in my studio.

1115. I don't want these damn things in my studio.

1116. Sorry. - On the Friday night

1117. before Chris killed herself, she had a terrible fight

1118. with Mike Simmons, the news director,

1119. about her story being cut in favor of a shootout.

1120. She was very emotional, and would get unusually upset

1121. about these things, said Simmons.

1122. A week earlier, she had thrown a terrible tantrum.

1123. This language is slightly infuriating,

1124. but also, maybe it's accurate, or maybe,

1125. she was just upset and expressing herself.

1126. It's just so hard, because, I mean,

1127. I have never even heard this woman's voice,

1128. like I don't know, I can only imagine

1129. how people might describe me.

1130. So many people that we've spoken to try and rationalize

1131. her suicide in this way that has very little to do

1132. with who she was as a person, and really simplifies her.

1133. - It was interesting after the last time

1134. that you and I talked, I've been thinking about,

1135. why would you do this on television in such a public way,

1136. and it woke me up in the middle of the night,

1137. I just had a thought that I hadn't thought of before.

1138. Often times, folks who are depressed,

1139. there's often times a lot of anger

1140. along with the depression, you know,

1141. if you feel all this pain and you have some anger towards

1142. those folks that you feel caused a lot of this pain

1143. that you have, and you go home to your bedroom

1144. and you commit suicide, it really doesn't touch many of them

1145. in the way that you may want it to touch them.

1146. And so, it could be that, you know, getting on television

1147. and committing suicide was a way of saying,

1148. it's easier to commit suicide than to live

1149. with the pain that you cause me.

1150. - Is it okay if like, I shouldn't cock it, okay.

1151. - It always goes whoa.

1152. Suicide is such an awful,

1153. destructive thing.

1154. It is a total loss.

1155. So unless we get to the heart of that,

1156. then I think we've failed.

1157. - How 'bout like, try putting it to your neck.

1158. - I just need a hole in there.

1159. - That'll, do you know where exactly

1160. she wants to hold it, to do it?

1161. Try to pull it.

1162. - I'm gonna save it.

1163. I think I can do it.

1164. - Okay, cause like a one-shot round you can feel good about.

1165. - Sure.

1166. So how did you know Tim and the Chubbuck family?

1167. - Tim was a co-worker.

1168. I was a kid going to school, and I worked there,

1169. in his interior design studio.

1170. I was young and impressionable,

1171. and just thought he was brilliant and sophisticated,

1172. and handsome and tall, and Christine was like him,

1173. the few times that I met her.

1174. Very attractive, she had a very sophisticated demeanor,

1175. she carried herself with a lot of poise, a lot of grace.

1176. They had an amazing background, I remember Tim telling me,

1177. and again, some of it might have been exaggeration,

1178. but he told me that they spent their summers

1179. at Pickfair, which was the estate of Douglas Fairbank's,

1180. and Mary Pickford, the silent movie stars,

1181. and that those were grandparents,

1182. or great-grandparents, grandparents I believe,

1183. and that, I'd never met anyone that was the grandchild

1184. of a movie star, and when you're, I don't know,

1185. 17 years old or something, and you see these people

1186. that are elegant and smart and poised,

1187. and you admire them and you think,

1188. all the things that they are, you're not,

1189. and you don't realize they have problems.

1190. Sorry to make you—

1191. - It's alright, it's been a long time.

1192. Do you wanna take a break or are you—

1193. - No, I'm fine.

1194. Didn't expect that, but...

1195. Thank you.

1196. I'm trying to remember his mother.

1197. I don't recall her being tall and live,

1198. and winsome like Tim and Chris were.

1199. They were a close family from what I could see.

1200. And, you know, Tim died too,

1201. it was a family with a lot of tragedy.

1202. I don't know where his mom went,

1203. or where his brother Greg and Greg's family went,

1204. but I'm sure that's something

1205. that they've never gotten over.

1206. Look, I'm terribly depressed,

1207. and I'm thinking about killing myself.

1208. - Do you wanna talk about it?

1209. No, I don't.

1210. Let's talk about it tomorrow.

1211. - Besides it being terrible, I could identify with it,

1212. you know, wanting to make some kind of mark

1213. in an environment where you thought you really hadn't,

1214. you know, you hadn't had any opportunity

1215. to have your voice heard.

1216. I think that's, besides just seeing

1217. that in other people, I've seen that in myself.

1218. It's just kind of a unique backdrop to the fact

1219. that it happened where most people come to vacation,

1220. you know, where they come to relax.

1221. You know, it's like the image of like,

1222. trouble in paradise, you know?

1223. Do you feel any closer to Christine Chubbuck

1224. right now than you did when we started?

1225. - Yes, I feel closer.

1226. I think the frustration is that I want to feel

1227. even closer than I do, but yes, I feel closer.

1228. Though virtually no one seemed shocked by the fact that

1229. Christine Chubbuck decided to take her own life,

1230. there were many who were stunned by the method she used

1231. to take it, including her mother.

1232. I would have thought she would've swum out

1233. into the ocean as far as she could go.

1234. She was an extraordinarily strong swimmer.

1235. - She was an extraordinary swimmer,

1236. she could swim three, four miles.

1237. The water was her friend, and,

1238. could've easily been her final resting place.

1239. - I am a terrible swimmer.

1240. I have never, I never took lessons,

1241. we would go to the beach in the summer time,

1242. cause my grandmother lived by the beach,

1243. but I've never been a strong swimmer at all.

1244. - I think it's just like, I try,

1245. I try to be cool but, I think it's more,

1246. I don't know if this is like schoolgirl anger?

1247. - Fuck.

1248. I try.

1249. I try to meet people.

1250. - You know baby girl, you want wine and roses,

1251. and some man - I don't want wine and roses.

1252. I don't want wine and roses - to call you up,

1253. and take you to a fancy dinner.

1254. - I want...

1255. I want you to listen to me, and to understand

1256. that the reality of the situation is that no one wants me.

1257. That's true.

1258. That's true, that's, this is not, this is not,

1259. I don't know, I don't know what to do Robert,

1260. I don't know what to do, I don't know what this scene is,

1261. I don't know, here, let's go again,

1262. just go again.

1263. Go, please, one sec.

1264. I try okay, I try.

1265. I don't want wine and roses, mom.

1266. That's—

1267. - That might be right around the corner, honey—

1268. - It's not fucking right around the corner,

1269. what in the fuck are you talking abou...

1270. It doesn't work, and no one loves me.

1271. And that's fine, that's fine.

1272. You can't give up hope.

1273. - I can do whatever the fuck I want.

1274. You're getting bad vibes.

1275. Okay.

1276. Cause they were, you know, best friends,

1277. they were, you know, they say that.

1278. Yeah.

1279. Well I just screamed at everyone.

1280. What do you mean?

1281. I screamed at everyone.

1282. About what?

1283. We had Robert tell everyone to leave,

1284. and then, we were doing a take and then I screamed.

1285. I don't know what this fucking scene is,

1286. I don't know what I'm doing, I feel bad.

1287. Did the right thing.

1288. You're projecting yourself.

1289. - Miss Chubbuck, after this procedure, as you well know,

1290. it may be difficult for you to have a family in the future.

1291. So, if you wanna have children,

1292. I would do that in the next few years,

1293. but it's not impossible, you'll be fine.

1294. It's been done, you'll be fine.

1295. But, it's not impossible, it's been done.

1296. You'll be fine.

1297. And then you say something,

1298. almost like you're expecting to say,

1299. you're rooting for them, like what's message?

1300. And she just doesn't—

1301. Chris.

1302. - What?

1303. - Chris—

1304. - Chris, Chris, what happened?

1305. - Please, I'm sorry, I have to start again.

1306. I don't know, sorry, sorry about that.

1307. - Chris?

1308. Chris, what happened?

1309. - He rejected me.

1310. This, come on, I don't know what this is,

1311. I don't, like, people don't, who admits that someone,

1312. Okay, alright, okay.

1313. Alright, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

1314. People liked the cake though, pineapple upside-down—

1315. - Oh, Chris.

1316. - Well people liked the cake, so that's—

1317. Shit!

1318. Shit!

1319. Chris?

1320. Chris, what happened?

1321. - He rejected me.

1322. Chris, I'm so sorry.

1323. - People liked the cake though, so that's good.

1324. - We're all relating on something that's really awful

1325. and I think she was just tired of it,

1326. she was completely engulfed by it.

1327. Its not easy to be able to come in and out of that either.

1328. I have to come in to Kate on that,

1329. I'm sure it's very challenging for her especially.

1330. You're a strong man.

1331. - Oh yeah?

1332. - Yeah, I was thinking about you all day.

1333. - Were you?

1334. Are you okay?

1335. Uh-hun.

1336. - Okay.

1337. You can give in to the depression,

1338. you can give in to the dark thoughts.

1339. I think anybody who says that

1340. they haven't considered suicide is lying.

1341. I just realized recently, it occurred to me that,

1342. as I was driving, there was a place

1343. that I had thought about it before,

1344. and I thought how I would do it

1345. and how I would make it seem like it was an accident.

1346. The reason I considered doing it in a way

1347. that nobody would know is because I didn't want anybody

1348. to know that I was in that place,

1349. and I didn't want them to know,

1350. I didn't want them to be hurt any more by it

1351. than they possibly could, you know?

1352. If it's a car accident, then it's just an accident,

1353. it's a tragedy, if it's a suicide, it's,

1354. that makes every person that's connected

1355. to that person wonder, could I have said something,

1356. could I have done something,

1357. and it's not about external things, it's internal.

1358. Today is the 41st anniversary

1359. of her death.

1360. Right around now, she drove to the station.

1361. And she shot herself in the head.

1362. What do you think

1363. about us reenacting your suicide?

1364. What?

1365. What do you think

1366. about us reenacting your suicide?

1367. - I feel weird about it.

1368. I feel weird about it.

1369. I think we're doing the best we can,

1370. but I feel weird about reenacting her suicide.

1371. I don't know what to say about it,

1372. its just, I'm trying to get as close to it as I can.

1373. I'm trying to get to a place where

1374. I feel like it's not irresponsible to do it.

1375. Okay, moving on.

1376. - Hey Mike?

1377. - Chris?

1378. - I bought myself a gun.

1379. - Why?

1380. - Well, I thought it would be a nifty idea if I went

1381. on air live and blew myself away.

1382. What do you got on that Crade story?

1383. - It's coming along.

1384. Good, okay.

1385. Okay.

1386. We'll talk.

1387. - See ya Mike.

1388. Just playing it back, okay, okay.

1389. Yeah, it's recorded.

1390. Okay, go, okay, that's great.

1391. - Hi Kate, I'm Steve Newman,

1392. nice to meet you. - It's very nice to meet you.

1393. Yeah, thank you.

1394. - I worked with Christine back

1395. in the early seventies at Channel 40.

1396. Kate, I'd like to introduce you

1397. to Gordon Galbraith, who was actually there

1398. on the fateful day. - Oh, I'm so sorry, hi.

1399. How are you? - Gordon was a reporter,

1400. and he was in the newsroom when this came down,

1401. and he worked very closely with Christine,

1402. and I think he might have some insights.

1403. Sure.

1404. - Well, now on that morning, she comes in with a bag,

1405. which I later learned had puppets in it and the gun,

1406. and asked me to spool up just the film from the night before

1407. of the raid at the bar, which I did,

1408. handed it to her, and she took it into the control room.

1409. And, this is what's haunted me for 41 years now,

1410. is that film, as she introduced it, you know,

1411. here's Channel 40's Bob Peterson

1412. who gives us a story, the film jammed.

1413. And I'm thinking, uh-oh, you know, did I do this?

1414. And I looked up at my monitor, I had a live monitor,

1415. in other words, I had a monitor

1416. that showed exactly what was happening in the studio.

1417. She looked up and she just looked,

1418. a combination of perplexed and angry,

1419. and at that second, and this didn't come out

1420. in any other stories that I know of,

1421. at that second she said, well,

1422. in keeping with Channel 40's policy

1423. of bringing you the latest in blood and guts news,

1424. we're gonna bring you a first, an on-the-air suicide,

1425. and just like the director, and just like the camera person,

1426. I said, no, no Christine, no, don't do that,

1427. and then all of a sudden, by the way that her head moved,

1428. this was not a joke, and that show was almost never taped,

1429. and she just requested that particular morning

1430. to tape the show and nobody knew exactly why,

1431. but it was not a big deal at the station to grab a roll,

1432. if it was a two-inch wide Ampex tape,

1433. and pop it up on one of the recorders.

1434. There was a big, the biggest discussion was,

1435. what do we do with this?

1436. Finally, the station owner called and said that the lawyers,

1437. they had a bag of lawyers based in Washington DC,

1438. they said, do not, under any circumstances, show the tape.

1439. - There is only one copy of that videotape

1440. of that last day that exists.

1441. Nobody copied it.

1442. Bob Nelson's son, the owner of the station,

1443. was trying to sell it, he was on the phone trying

1444. to sell it to someone and his father came in

1445. and snatched it from his hand and said no,

1446. this is not going anywhere, and Bob kept that tape

1447. in his possession to the end, I know this to be true.

1448. From him and from his wife.

1449. No copy was made, there's not a copy at ABC7.

1450. There's not one at New York.

1451. There's not one at the network anywhere.

1452. That one copy, and it's probably oxidized,

1453. and if it's not dubbed off soon,

1454. no one will ever see the images, cause it's disintegrating.

1455. I know that, because at the end,

1456. this is the 40th anniversary of Channel 40,

1457. and there is the owner at the time

1458. that Christine and I worked there,

1459. Bob Nelson, with his wife, with the test pattern

1460. that I kept after all those years.

1461. It was in 2011, and he told me that he had the only tape,

1462. and after he was gone, his widow, Molly,

1463. told me just last year that she still has the tape,

1464. and she wants to throw it in the Bay,

1465. and I said, don't do that, give it to the museum,

1466. or Columbia School of Journalism, or something,

1467. for safekeeping because it is history,

1468. as unfortunate as the history is,

1469. but I don't think that you need

1470. to look any further for that tape.

1471. Have you ever seen anything?

1472. - No, I mean, pictures obviously,

1473. but I've never seen footage, I've never heard her voice.

1474. - I don't know the exact date

1475. of what you're gonna see from Christine,

1476. but I would imagine it would be late 1972, early 1973.

1477. But let's just roll it.

1478. The thing about Christine's video here is,

1479. she wasn't the greatest interviewer,

1480. I mean, she would just ask a question,

1481. and the people would talk, and she wouldn't engage them,

1482. and second-question them or follow up,

1483. so you just see her talk for a little bit,

1484. and you've got six or seven minutes of people talking,

1485. and then she'll chime in again,

1486. and another five minutes of people talking,

1487. so it's kinda hard to capture—

1488. - Yeah.

1489. - Her spirit, but—

1490. - No, I'm

1491. very happy. - Would you like to sit there.

1492. - Yes, I would like to,

1493. thank you. - Here you go.

1494. This is Channel 40 Newswatch,

1495. with anchor man Bob Keen, weather analyst Leslie Green,

1496. and sportscaster Ron Jackson.

1497. - The old Sarasota, that I grew up in.

1498. Picture quality's not the greatest,

1499. but you should be able to see.

1500. - In the next county down, there was St. Joe's Hospital.

1501. Sarasota Memorial Hospital,

1502. through the Public Hospital Board,

1503. has a site in Warm Mineral Springs.

1504. Aren't these enough, is it really necessary

1505. to have another hospital?

1506. For the time-being,

1507. or at least up until this time...

1508. - Manor General is really the end of the line

1509. of Sarasota County, which North Board is.

1510. What are the needs of your community now,

1511. not two years from now, but right now?

1512. - People have bugged me to see video,

1513. to see this video of Christine on my YouTube channel,

1514. cause I have some of my weather casts from that period

1515. and they'd say, well your from Channel—

1516. Because of the facilities that these—

1517. - You're from Channel 40, you must have some of Christine,

1518. and I say, well the only reason that you're interested

1519. in seeing her is not because of her life

1520. or who she was but because of how it ended,

1521. and I'm not gonna do that.

1522. Right.

1523. That is not our interest to romanticize the way that—

1524. - But, again, we wouldn't be here

1525. if it weren't for the way she ended her life.

1526. Sure.

1527. - She didn't have an extraordinary career,

1528. she wasn't an extraordinary person,

1529. she was extremely nice and I loved her,

1530. but, it's the blood and gore aspect of it,

1531. the violent nature of her end,

1532. and the public nature of her end that is the hook.

1533. That's why you're here, talking to me now.

1534. That's fair.

1535. - It's digging it up out of history,

1536. and it's Christine's biggest beef

1537. with local news was it was turning to blood and guts.

1538. So the very thing that she hated the most is the motivation

1539. between resurrecting this video and her life again,

1540. and highlighting it, and I can live with it,

1541. but I don't necessarily like it.

1542. - I think that that is a fair observation,

1543. but it is sort of a shock to the system

1544. to see her, in living color.

1545. - So this brings her alive to you?

1546. - Yes, yes.

1547. I don't know what this means as far as a...

1548. Doctor Miller should Lennar Bay be teared down

1549. in its zoning petitions, and the whole thing

1550. is sort of scotched as it were.

1551. It's been obvious, through the effort of—

1552. I was 19 when I worked with her,

1553. and it really broke my heart, along with everybody else.

1554. Yeah.

1555. - When she ended her life, and I just wonder

1556. what she was thinking, did she not think

1557. that there would be children watching TV?

1558. No, I know.

1559. - People with emotional problems it would profoundly impact?

1560. Suicide is a very selfish act, I guess.

1561. And if you're compelled to do it, as a mental illness,

1562. you're compelled to do it, that's the only way

1563. I've been able to resolve this.

1564. - Supposedly according to psychologists,

1565. the fact that she was so much happier that morning

1566. than she'd been other mornings I had seen her,

1567. was an indication that she had made the decision.

1568. Being right with her, five minutes before,

1569. and her joking with me, will probably live

1570. with me for the rest of my life.

1571. She was one of those people you could, you know,

1572. you could tell any joke to—

1573. - That's true.

1574. And I came out to her being gay,

1575. and it was like, no big deal, my brother's gay,

1576. so I had someone to confide in.

1577. This is our new studio.

1578. - Oh, whoa.

1579. - That's me behind the camera before

1580. I got to go in front of the camera.

1581. With the tight trousers.

1582. - Yes.

1583. To see this video where she's speaking

1584. and moving, and it's not just a still image,

1585. it, it's just, it changes everything,

1586. and it really does make her feel so much more real to me,

1587. which is, I can't tell you how much I,

1588. and we, appreciate your talking to us.

1589. - How do you feel about the final scene?

1590. About—

1591. - Well, I—

1592. - Are you gonna be able to pull the trigger?

1593. - I don't know.

1594. Of course I feel protective of her.

1595. She was so sad that she killed herself,

1596. of course I feel protective of her.

1597. Do you feel this way generally about roles

1598. you play, or is this different?

1599. - Yeah, I always, I mean, you have to,

1600. but this is different.

1601. It's different cause she's real.

1602. If she weren't so real to me,

1603. it wouldn't seem so presumptuous.

1604. Seven one three two Point of Rock Circle.

1605. Okay, be there soon.

1606. We're going to her house.

1607. Right here, I've got you.

1608. - So this is where her memorial service was.

1609. This is where the reverend was standing, facing that way.

1610. Lasted for half an hour.

1611. Her parents were standing to the right, so here.

1612. And her two brothers.

1613. So we suffer at our sense of loss,

1614. we are frightened by her rage.

1615. We are guilty in the face of her rejection.

1616. We are hurt

1617. by her choice of isolation,

1618. and we are confused by her message.

1619. Somewhere they cannot get wet,

1620. cause it is about to pour.

1621. - We all know things are bad.

1622. Worse than bad, they're crazy.

1623. Its like everything everywhere is going crazy.

1624. So we don't go out anymore.

1625. We sit in our house, and slowly the world

1626. we're living in is growing smaller, and all we say is,

1627. please at least leave us alone in our living room.

1628. But I'm not going to leave you alone.

1629. I want you to get mad.

1630. I don't want you to protest or riot or write

1631. to your congressmen cause I wouldn't know

1632. what to tell you to write.

1633. I don't know what to do about the depression

1634. and the inflation and the Russians

1635. and the crime in the street, all I know is

1636. that first, you've got to get mad.

1637. You've got to say I'm a human being,

1638. goddammit, my life has value.

1639. Can you put the dog out?

1640. - Okay.

1641. I'll be back at 10:45.

1642. Okay.

1643. - Many different types of security,

1644. both uniformed, armed, unarmed, and executive protection.

1645. We also do investigations and—

1646. - Good morning.

1647. Oh hi.

1648. Good morning. - Oh hi, how are you?

1649. I'm Rebecca, nice to meet you.

1650. - Nice to meet ya, Troy. - Hi, Christine.

1651. Pleasure, Christine.

1652. - Thank you for being here.

1653. Hey, I'm gonna start with news today.

1654. Oh, okay Chris.

1655. Hi.

1656. Hello.

1657. - I'm gonna start with three items of news

1658. and then roll into the interview.

1659. - Okay, thank you.

1660. - Did you have a good weekend?

1661. Yes, how about yourself?

1662. - Yeah.

1663. - Alright, in three...

1664. - Welcome to suncoast digest.

1665. I'm Christine Chubbuck.

1666. In Washington DC, senior democrats

1667. on the House Judiciary Committee

1668. began tentative preparations to impose five articles

1669. of impeachment on embattled president Richard Nixon.

1670. In the latest developments...

1671. Also in Washington,

1672. two armed convicts holding seven hostages

1673. in the United States District Courthouse

1674. dropped their demands for safe passage out of the country.

1675. It's just that the testing and fallout problem

1676. seems small now compared to the possibility of one country

1677. using nuclear weapons against another country.

1678. In Sarasota yesterday, a local man was shot and killed

1679. by an unknown assailant after an attempted robbery.

1680. Channel 40's Bob Peterson was live on the scene.

1681. Chris, the film's not gonna roll.

1682. - It's not gonna roll?

1683. In keeping with Channel 40's policy

1684. of bringing you the latest in...

1685. Blood and guts and in living color,

1686. you're going to see another first.

1687. An attempted, sorry, start again, attempted, not an.

1688. Start again.

1689. Yep.

1690. Keep running please.

1691. - One country using nuclear weapons against another country.

1692. In Sarasota yesterday, a local man was shot and killed

1693. by an unknown assailant after an attempted robbery.

1694. Channel 40's Bob Peterson was live on the scene.

1695. Chris, the film's not gonna roll.

1696. - It's not gonna roll?

1697. In keeping with Channel 40's policy

1698. of bring you the latest in...

1699. Blood and guts and in living color,

1700. you're going to see another first.

1701. Attempted suicide.

1702. I don't think I can do it.

1703. I can't fuc...

1704. Can we start again?

1705. Still on.

1706. Still rolling.

1707. - The possibility of one country

1708. using nuclear weapons against another country.

1709. In Sarasota yesterday, a local man was shot and killed

1710. by an unknown assailant after an attempted robbery.

1711. Channel 40's Bob Peterson was live at the scene.

1712. Chris, the film's not gonna roll.

1713. - It's not gonna roll?

1714. In keeping with Channel 40's policy

1715. of bring you the latest in...

1716. Blood and guts and in living color,

1717. you're going to see another first.

1718. Attempted suicide.

1719. I can't do it.

1720. I can't do it, I'm sorry.

1721. You have to tell me why you wanna see it.

1722. If you want me to do it, you have to tell me why

1723. you wanna see it cause I keep looking for a reason.

1724. I keep looking for something to make this worth watching,

1725. and I can't, I can't think of anything.

1726. I keep trying to turn her into a hero,

1727. but she wasn't, she was just one sad,

1728. lonely, pathetic woman and so am I,

1729. but at least I'm still alive, so if you want

1730. to see me do this, you have to tell me why you wanna see it.

1731. I keep looking for an angle to make

1732. her death worth more than her life,

1733. and there just isn't one, there just isn't one.

1734. So if you wanna see me do it, you have to tell me why!

1735. Give me a fucking reason!

1736. Fuck it, it's all bullshit anyway.

1737. Are you happy now?

1738. You're all a bunch of fucking sadists.