1. Australia...Copy !req
2. "The Land Down Under."Copy !req
3. Rugged...Copy !req
4. remote...Copy !req
5. inhospitable and dangerous.Copy !req
6. Home to 20 million kangaroos.Copy !req
7. But there is one who is more elusive
and clever than all the rest.Copy !req
8. And his name is Kangaroo Jack.Copy !req
9. But my story doesn't begin in Australia.Copy !req
10. It begins 20 years ago, halfway around
the world on a beach in Brooklyn.Copy !req
11. That's me...Copy !req
12. Charlie Carbone.Copy !req
13. Three things happened on this day
that would change my life.Copy !req
14. First, was that my mom met Sal.Copy !req
15. She hadn't dated much since Dad died, but
I could tell right away she was interested.Copy !req
16. Why shouldn't she be? Sal Maggio was a
respected member of the community.Copy !req
17. Well, feared and respected.Copy !req
18. Well, feared.Copy !req
19. And that's Frankie Lombardo.Copy !req
20. Fresh out of Juvenile Hall,
where they named a wing after him.Copy !req
21. Sal was grooming Frankie
to take over the family business...Copy !req
22. a family I was about
to become a part of.Copy !req
23. The second thing that happened
was that I met Louis Booker.Copy !req
24. Don't tell me.
You got 75 cents in your back pocket.Copy !req
25. You're wrong.
It's a Captain Amazing compass.Copy !req
26. - How much you want for it?
- It's not for sale. No way. Sorry.Copy !req
27. - Wanna play some ball?
- No. You play ball.Copy !req
28. I gotta check this entire beach
if I'm gonna make my car payment.Copy !req
29. - You've got a car?
- No, but I will.Copy !req
30. Now, step aside. My uncle only rented me
this metal detector for the day.Copy !req
31. - And the third...
- Hey, kid.Copy !req
32. most important thing
that happened that day...Copy !req
33. Go long.Copy !req
34. was that I went out for a 20-yard pass.Copy !req
35. Unfortunately, there was only 15 yards
worth of beach...Copy !req
36. and a really strong undertow.
And I couldn't swim.Copy !req
37. Hey, kid! You lost your...Copy !req
38. Somebody help! I think there's
a kid drowning out...Copy !req
39. I'll save you!Copy !req
40. That one moment changed my life...Copy !req
41. because in all the
years that followed...Copy !req
42. Louis was better at getting
me into trouble than getting me out.Copy !req
43. A dreamer in search of treasure,
who only found bottle caps.Copy !req
44. On that fateful day, Louis saved my life.Copy !req
45. You see this guy?Copy !req
46. And I never forgot it.Copy !req
47. He just saved your life.Copy !req
48. He wouldn't let me.Copy !req
49. And now it's 20 years later.Copy !req
50. My new stepfather, Sal,
set me up in my own business:Copy !req
51. A beauty salon.
He did it for my mother.Copy !req
52. Of course, his goons come in every week
and take 80 percent of the profits.Copy !req
53. That, he did for himself.Copy !req
54. Hey, Carbone.Copy !req
55. And Louis, the guy who saved my life,
is now my closest friend.Copy !req
56. He thinks I can do a lot
better than this...Copy !req
57. but he also thinks he looks like
Denzel Washington.Copy !req
58. Toots, I was hoping you could ask Sal
if I could keep a little extra this week...Copy !req
59. to make improvements on the place.Copy !req
60. You wanna make improvements?
Improve on what's in this bag next week.Copy !req
61. Look, man, I need a favor.Copy !req
62. I just got this job delivering TVs,
but my partner got sick.Copy !req
63. He had one of those
microwave chimichangas—Copy !req
64. Louis, why do all your stories
start off this way?Copy !req
65. I need your help. If I don't get these TVs
off the truck, man, I don't get paid.Copy !req
66. Oh, this sounds illegal.Copy !req
67. No, no, no. Charlie, this is totally
legit, man. I know the guy.Copy !req
68. Just like you knew the guy...Copy !req
69. who asked you to drive
his dogs up from Florida. Remember him?Copy !req
70. I'm supposed to know a bunch of greyhounds
were being used to smuggle diamonds?Copy !req
71. Look, man, I need your help on this one.
Two hours, tops. That's all I need.Copy !req
72. - This is really important for me.
- Louis, you have a job.Copy !req
73. You call working in my uncle's
meat market a job, Charlie?Copy !req
74. I sweep up cow guts and
pig snouts all day, man!Copy !req
75. I need a job where I'm treated like a man.Copy !req
76. Where I get some respect. Ain't
that what Aretha said? "R-E-S-P-E-C-T"?Copy !req
77. Well, then, delivering TVs
is definitely the answer.Copy !req
78. I'm dying here, man. I need your help.Copy !req
79. Louis, I'm busy here.
Can't you see I'm busy?Copy !req
80. I was busy that day 20 years ago
on the beach too, man.Copy !req
81. Did that stop me from saving this skinny
little white kid from flailing in the surf?Copy !req
82. No, I stopped what I was doing, jumped
in and saved this poor little white kid.Copy !req
83. Let's go.Copy !req
84. You too easy.Copy !req
85. Hey there, Waffles.Copy !req
86. Got a kiss for your Uncle Charlie?Copy !req
87. Come on, man, what's wrong?Copy !req
88. It's just so frustrating.Copy !req
89. You don't know how difficult it is
to get anywhere...Copy !req
90. - ... when Sal is your stepfather.
- He bought you the beauty salon.Copy !req
91. I barely keep enough to stay alive.Copy !req
92. If he was my stepdaddy,
you know what I'd be doing right now?Copy !req
93. I'd be:
Come on, Charlie, break it down with me.Copy !req
94. Snake it. Come on, snake it—Copy !req
95. It be a party, Charlie. Be a party.Copy !req
96. Pull over to the curb.Copy !req
97. Louis, whose truck is this?Copy !req
98. I can't be certain.Copy !req
99. This is a stolen vehicle.Copy !req
100. - Apparently, this is a stolen vehicle.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
101. Pull over to the curb.Copy !req
102. Pull over to the curb!Copy !req
103. Louis, pull the truck over.
Just tell them the truth!Copy !req
104. - Pull the truck over!
- I can't, man!Copy !req
105. I'm still on probation from
that greyhound thing.Copy !req
106. Come on, Louis.Copy !req
107. Watch out! Here we go! Okay!Copy !req
108. You're breaking so many laws right now!Copy !req
109. If we go to jail, I'll tell
everybody you a hairdresser!Copy !req
110. Sidewalk, Louis! Sidewalk!Copy !req
111. Look out! Are you crazy!Copy !req
112. Sorry! Excuse me!Copy !req
113. Red light!Copy !req
114. That wasn't my fault!Copy !req
115. That was my fault.Copy !req
116. Coming through!Copy !req
117. Charlie.Copy !req
118. Almost ripped my lucky jacket.Copy !req
119. What a relief. I forgot
you were wearing your lucky jacket!Copy !req
120. Big problem: Roadblock!Copy !req
121. Bigger problem!Copy !req
122. Oh, no.Copy !req
123. What're you doing? Slow down!Copy !req
124. - We're gonna make it. Hold on!
- We're not gonna make it!Copy !req
125. Now, that's what I'm talking about!
That's what I'm talking about!Copy !req
126. I think the dog just peed on my leg.
No, I think I peed on him.Copy !req
127. All units, intersection blocked.
Suspects are at large.Copy !req
128. - Just pull the truck over, I am getting out.
- You can't bail on me now!Copy !req
129. I gotta stash these TVs
until the heat cools down.Copy !req
130. Come on. We got six TVs left.Copy !req
131. Five. Come on, man, help me get this up.Copy !req
132. Hey. Is that Charlie?Copy !req
133. - Tommy?
- What're you guys doing here?Copy !req
134. - Your father didn't say you was coming.
- Sal?Copy !req
135. Yeah, this is his warehouse.Copy !req
136. - I didn't know.
- You didn't know?Copy !req
137. I didn't know!Copy !req
138. Hey!Copy !req
139. You brung the heat here, Charlie.
Are you crazy?Copy !req
140. I didn't know, Tommy!
I swear, I didn't know!Copy !req
141. Waffles, come on!Copy !req
142. - Oh, damn!
- Attention.Copy !req
143. This is the New York Police Department.
We have you surrounded.Copy !req
144. Come on, Charlie, hurry up!Copy !req
145. Waffles! She's frozen with fear!Copy !req
146. Surrender now!Copy !req
147. - Get over there! Move!
- I repeat.Copy !req
148. Come on, Louis, come on!
What is wrong with you?Copy !req
149. It's not my fault! Waffles is upset!Copy !req
150. Perhaps you should've thought of that
before you took your dog on a crime spree!Copy !req
151. Come on, girl!Copy !req
152. Let's go, let's go, let's go!Copy !req
153. Dead end, Louis. Dead end.Copy !req
154. No, it's not, Charlie. Look at this.Copy !req
155. - Think I got a way out.
- You don't even know where that goes. No!Copy !req
156. We can do this.Copy !req
157. You can stay here if you want.
I'm going down that chute!Copy !req
158. I love you, Mama!Copy !req
159. Louis?Copy !req
160. - Not over here.
- Where'd they go?Copy !req
161. We lost them. Standing by
for further instructions. Over.Copy !req
162. Anything else you'd like me
to help you with today?Copy !req
163. No, that's pretty much it.Copy !req
164. In what police are calling one of the
largest seizures of stolen goods...Copy !req
165. in the history of New York City...Copy !req
166. thieves inexplicably led police to a treasure
trove of stolen cars, furs, paintings—Copy !req
167. Louis Booker, you degenerate moron.Copy !req
168. Were these Medieval times
and you a knight in shining armor...Copy !req
169. you would, I have no doubt,
slay the maiden and save the dragon.Copy !req
170. Waffles!Copy !req
171. - Sal, if we could explain—
- As for you, Charlie...Copy !req
172. after the tragic death of your father...Copy !req
173. I married your mother, promising her
I would raise you as my own.Copy !req
174. You chose not to take the Maggio name.
I did not complain.Copy !req
175. And when you wanted
to go to beauty school...Copy !req
176. as boys who lose their fathers
early in life often do...Copy !req
177. I did not snivel at
your intentions, did I?Copy !req
178. - No, Salvatore, you did not. In fact—
- In fact...Copy !req
179. I bought a beauty parlor
so you could sit on your lazy butt all day.Copy !req
180. Four and a half million you cost me.Copy !req
181. Were you anybody else,
you'd be dead by now.Copy !req
182. - Sal, we understand that you're upset.
- It's not your fault.Copy !req
183. What?Copy !req
184. A lion can raise a mouse,
but the mouse is still a mouse.Copy !req
185. And you, Charlie, are that mouse.Copy !req
186. Look at this.Copy !req
187. He takes it.Copy !req
188. Chicken blood.Copy !req
189. Excuse me, Sal?Copy !req
190. You said that he was a mouse, so that
would be mouse blood, not chicken blood.Copy !req
191. Right?Copy !req
192. Go on, Sal, I'm here if you need me.Copy !req
193. The salient point is...Copy !req
194. I must continue to live with my lovely wife
and tears on her pillow are a plethora to me.Copy !req
195. Anathema to me!
You see what they got me doing?Copy !req
196. - I can't even talk straight!
- Take it easy.Copy !req
197. So...Copy !req
198. I'm giving you both another chance
to redeem yourselves.Copy !req
199. - Thank you, we won't disappoint you.
- No, we won't.Copy !req
200. Of that I'm sure.Copy !req
201. Frankie...Copy !req
202. Hey, kid. Go long.Copy !req
203. Why don't you fill the boys in.
A mission of absolution.Copy !req
204. It's simple. You take this envelope
to JFK Airport...Copy !req
205. - No problem.
- ... where you catch a flight for Sydney.Copy !req
206. Wow, that's—
You know, Louis has got this thing—Copy !req
207. Yeah, my mama got the gout
and if I'm not home to rub her feet...Copy !req
208. her ankles swell up
and she can't take her house shoes off.Copy !req
209. - This really isn't much warning.
- You need a warning?Copy !req
210. - No.
- Well, then...Copy !req
211. From Sydney, you take the Old South Road
due north to a place called Coober Pedy...Copy !req
212. where you meet a man named Mr. Smith.Copy !req
213. You give this envelope to Mr. Smith.Copy !req
214. Mr. Smith is expecting you no later than
noon, local time. You will not be late.Copy !req
215. What's in here, man?Copy !req
216. You will not look in that envelope
under any circumstances, understood?Copy !req
217. - I can't hear you—
- Understood?Copy !req
218. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
219. Should you run into any problems,
you can reach Mr. Smith at this number.Copy !req
220. Get out of here.Copy !req
221. I can't believe that stuff happened.
I'm wearing my lucky jacket.Copy !req
222. Lucky jacket? You've worn that jacket
for over 10 years...Copy !req
223. and luck has never even
remotely come near you.Copy !req
224. Australia?Copy !req
225. And then they're just gonna turn
around and come right back again.Copy !req
226. - It won't be so bad.
- Yeah, why not?Copy !req
227. We're canceling their return trip.Copy !req
228. - Louis, how much time we got left?
- Fourteen hours.Copy !req
229. When is the food coming? I'm starving.Copy !req
230. Don't even worry about that.
I got you covered.Copy !req
231. Are you, like, 4 years old?Copy !req
232. If you're not hungry,
I can put these back in my pocket.Copy !req
233. Wait. I think I'll have this one.Copy !req
234. Good choice.Copy !req
235. What is that? And why is my mouth on fire?Copy !req
236. That's the new Super Atomic Jaw Buster!Copy !req
237. Extra hot!Copy !req
238. Are you trying to kill me?Copy !req
239. There's nothing wrong with this!
Stop acting like a baby!Copy !req
240. All right, let me up.Copy !req
241. - What for?
- How many things could I have to do?Copy !req
242. My bad.Copy !req
243. Hey, how are you doing?Copy !req
244. Good.Copy !req
245. Oh, my God!Copy !req
246. Charlie!Copy !req
247. - Someone's in here!
- It's me, Charlie. Open up!Copy !req
248. - What?
- Check this out.Copy !req
249. - You're not supposed to open this.
- That's, like, 50 grand.Copy !req
250. Oh, my God.
Something doesn't smell right. Look at it!Copy !req
251. I know, I'm looking!Copy !req
252. I've never seen so much green
in one little brown package!Copy !req
253. And now it's in my hands!Copy !req
254. It slipped out.Copy !req
255. Here, help me scoop it up.Copy !req
256. - This is one big load!
- What a mess!Copy !req
257. - I just want to roll around in it!
- Hand me the rest of the pile.Copy !req
258. - Can I hold it?
- No! Dump it in the envelope.Copy !req
259. - Maybe we should flush it.
- We're not gonna flush it.Copy !req
260. I'll put it in my pocket, leave this room,
and take it to Australia.Copy !req
261. If you're gonna do that, give it here.
Let me kiss it for good luck.Copy !req
262. You're not gonna kiss it!
It's bad enough you touched it!Copy !req
263. - Before you put it away, can I smell it?
- Maybe later.Copy !req
264. No, no, no.Copy !req
265. It's not what it looks like.Copy !req
266. Next, please.Copy !req
267. G'day, mate! G'day.Copy !req
268. Could you try not to draw the attention
of the entire airport?Copy !req
269. Why? What's wrong?Copy !req
270. The law states we're only allowed
to have $10,000.Copy !req
271. We are carrying $50,000 of mob money.Copy !req
272. If they find it, I'm
anticipating consequences.Copy !req
273. Like, perhaps, I don't know,
let's say, prison?Copy !req
274. G'day, mate!Copy !req
275. You know what? It's my fault.
I didn't keep the sentences short enough.Copy !req
276. I heard you, Charlie, all right?Copy !req
277. Now, if you're worried, give me
the money. I'll walk it through.Copy !req
278. Okay.Copy !req
279. Let me see, put my fate in your hands.Copy !req
280. This is such an agonizing decision. No.Copy !req
281. All right, then. Just remember...Copy !req
282. the key is to act like
you don't have anything to hide, all right?Copy !req
283. Next, please.Copy !req
284. Watch the master.Copy !req
285. G'day!Copy !req
286. How are you doing?Copy !req
287. - Doing good. How are you?
- I'm all right.Copy !req
288. Hit it up top!Copy !req
289. There we go. There we go.Copy !req
290. G'day, mate.Copy !req
291. Next, please.Copy !req
292. G'day, mate.Copy !req
293. They're my hairdressing scissors.
They're my hairdressing scissors!Copy !req
294. I can...
I can explain about that money.Copy !req
295. You will explain...Copy !req
296. $63?Copy !req
297. - Louis, I lost the money!
- What?Copy !req
298. I lost the money!
Salvatore Maggio's money!Copy !req
299. Hey, Charlie, calm down, all right?Copy !req
300. The trick is not to look suspicious.Copy !req
301. Make them watch this hand...Copy !req
302. - ... instead of this one.
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
303. Had you going, didn't I?Copy !req
304. - That is not funny, Louis!
- Get in the car, baby!Copy !req
305. - They didn't have a Cadillac?
- This is the Cadillac of the Outback.Copy !req
306. You know, Charlie, this mysterious
Mr. Smith we're gonna meet?Copy !req
307. - I don't think that's his real name.
- Nothing escapes you, Louis.Copy !req
308. What's eating you, man?Copy !req
309. Don't tell me this is about
that girl on the plane.Copy !req
310. - No, it's more than that.
- Coober Pedy! Right here!Copy !req
311. I got it. Here we go. Here we go.Copy !req
312. Let's face it, I'm never
gonna find the right girl.Copy !req
313. You gotta stop it with this "never" stuff.Copy !req
314. Two days ago, we never thought
we'd be in Australia, but we here!Copy !req
315. - Come on, give me a beat.
- Come on, play with the radio.Copy !req
316. Come on, man! I want to play with you.
Give me a beat, man!Copy !req
317. - What the hell?
- My God.Copy !req
318. I killed a kangaroo.Copy !req
319. I never saw it.Copy !req
320. It's such a beautiful animal.Copy !req
321. It's the national symbol of Australia...Copy !req
322. - ... and I killed it.
- Don't worry.Copy !req
323. I read that the kangaroos are
the rodents of the Outback. We cool!Copy !req
324. - Shouldn't we bury it or something?
- My uncle has one rule:Copy !req
325. Whenever you hit something,
keep on rolling. So let's roll.Copy !req
326. I can't leave it there.
I got to pull it off to the side.Copy !req
327. You pulling by yourself, then.Copy !req
328. God, I am so sorry, little buddy.Copy !req
329. Charlie, don't move. Stay right there.Copy !req
330. Louis, what are you doing? Louis?Copy !req
331. You guys look so adorable.Copy !req
332. - G'day, mate!
- Stop that, Louis.Copy !req
333. Hey, Charlie, hold on!
Hold on, hold on.Copy !req
334. You know who he looks like?Copy !req
335. Jackie Legs!Copy !req
336. Jackie Legs from Canarsie with the goatee!
Always wears sunglasses!Copy !req
337. - What are you talking about?
- Hold on. Look.Copy !req
338. Okay, look at it.
Right there. Look at that.Copy !req
339. Jeez, that is Jackie Legs.Copy !req
340. All right, Louis, enough.
Help me here.Copy !req
341. It's lucky jacket time.Copy !req
342. Come on, Louis, have some respect.
It's bad enough we ran him over.Copy !req
343. Come on, just one picture
for the Brooklyn crew.Copy !req
344. All right, one.Copy !req
345. - But let's make this quick.
- Stay up there, big boy.Copy !req
346. Say "cheese."Copy !req
347. All right, come on, let's get this
jacket off. We got things to do, Louis.Copy !req
348. Hey, come on, Charlie. One more.Copy !req
349. This could be our Christmas card.Copy !req
350. - Louis.
- What? What?Copy !req
351. Charlie.Copy !req
352. Jeez!Copy !req
353. Hey, look.Copy !req
354. - We didn't hurt him after all.
- It looked like we did.Copy !req
355. You're a tough little guy, aren't you?Copy !req
356. Hey, look how tall he is.Copy !req
357. You all right, dog? Come on, come on!Copy !req
358. I just got my ass kicked by a marsupial!Copy !req
359. - You want to know the best part?
- What?Copy !req
360. Now I never have to see
that stupid red jacket of yours again!Copy !req
361. Charlie?Copy !req
362. - Charlie!
- What?Copy !req
363. The kangaroo got the money.Copy !req
364. What are you talking about?Copy !req
365. I put the money in the jacket
and the jacket on the kangaroo...Copy !req
366. and now he hopping away.Copy !req
367. The kangaroo has the money?Copy !req
368. The kangaroo has
Salvatore Maggio's $50,000?Copy !req
369. Yeah.Copy !req
370. Who puts a jacket
with 50,000 on a kangaroo?Copy !req
371. A dead kangaroo! He was dead, Charlie!Copy !req
372. You should have just let me drown, Louis,
I mean it!Copy !req
373. - I see you now, sucker!
- Go, go, go! We got him! Go!Copy !req
374. Look at that little fellow go, Charlie!
Look at him go!Copy !req
375. Here we come, baby!
We gaining on him! Oh, my God.Copy !req
376. Look at the fellow move, man.Copy !req
377. I'm gonna pull up.
Reach out and grab the money!Copy !req
378. You want me to open the door
and lean out of a speeding car!Copy !req
379. Fine, Charlie! We'll just drive past him
and hope he hops in the jeep!Copy !req
380. - Here I go!
- Okay.Copy !req
381. - Here I go.
- Lean out there, baby!Copy !req
382. Get me closer. Get me closer!Copy !req
383. - He's hopping like a rabbit!
- Closer!Copy !req
384. - Get me closer!
- I'm trying to get closer!Copy !req
385. - Come on! Get him, baby!
- Closer, Louis!Copy !req
386. - Get the money, Charlie!
- Closer, Louis! I almost got it!Copy !req
387. - I'm almost there!
- Come on, Charlie! I can't hold on!Copy !req
388. Get the money!Copy !req
389. As it turns out, this is hard.Copy !req
390. What are these things?Copy !req
391. They're termite mounds!
I read about them in the book!Copy !req
392. Careful, you almost missed one!Copy !req
393. - You mine now, sucker!
- Yeah!Copy !req
394. Go, go, go!Copy !req
395. Stop, stop, stop!Copy !req
396. I don't suppose you took the insurance?Copy !req
397. My uncle always told me
that was just a rip-off.Copy !req
398. Don't worry, Charlie.
We'll get the money back, all right?Copy !req
399. It can't go far.Copy !req
400. It's a continent, Louis.
He can go very far.Copy !req
401. I know it's a continent. I read the book.Copy !req
402. You happen to read the chapter on
not putting your jacket on a wild animal?Copy !req
403. No, but I read one on how an aboriginal
can kill a white man with a twig.Copy !req
404. You wanna see that one?Copy !req
405. The Old Alice Inn.Copy !req
406. I'll buy you a beer and we'll catch
the end of the Knicks game.Copy !req
407. Two beers. Big beers.Copy !req
408. I'm gonna call Mr. Smith, let him know
there's been a slight delay.Copy !req
409. - Slight delay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
410. But we're working on it, all right?
Give me his number.Copy !req
411. - Where's your phone?
- Around near the dunnies.Copy !req
412. - You guys have a Denny's?
- No, the dunny.Copy !req
413. The bog trough? The long drop?Copy !req
414. - The thunder box?
- You know what?Copy !req
415. I'm just gonna look for it by the bathroom.Copy !req
416. Now, there's a Yank that can drink.Copy !req
417. Any Yank that can drink
is all right with me.Copy !req
418. G'day. My name is Blue.Copy !req
419. - Charlie.
- Nice to meet you, Chaza.Copy !req
420. - Charlie.
- That's what I said, Chaza.Copy !req
421. We're only two hours late.Copy !req
422. He should be a reasonable
and understanding man.Copy !req
423. - What?
- Mr. Smith?Copy !req
424. - Yeah, you might not know me, but—
- Where are you bludgers?Copy !req
425. I'm out here in the back of Bullamakanka
up to me ears in heat stroke...Copy !req
426. waiting for you two Yanks.Copy !req
427. Where's me package?Copy !req
428. It's been temporarily misplaced.Copy !req
429. I don't reckon you respect me very much.Copy !req
430. First you steal my package
and now you're on the phone...Copy !req
431. razzing me about it.Copy !req
432. We didn't steal your package.
I swear! We're gonna get it back!Copy !req
433. You'd be a banger short of a barbie
if you didn't, when I find you!Copy !req
434. You better get ready
to cough it up...Copy !req
435. otherwise, I'll chop you into snags
and feed you to the crocs.Copy !req
436. - Mr. Smith?
- Have a nice day.Copy !req
437. One of me favorites.Copy !req
438. A kangaroo. A kangaroo.
Kangaroo...Copy !req
439. Wildlife Foundation.Copy !req
440. - Louis, this is Blue. Blue, this is Louis.
- Hey, Blue.Copy !req
441. - What'd Mr. Smith say?
- He was nice.Copy !req
442. - He said everything was cool.
- Really?Copy !req
443. He did say that we should do our best
to get the package back.Copy !req
444. - Right. The package.
- The package!Copy !req
445. Charlie?Copy !req
446. Order me another drink. I got a plan.Copy !req
447. This isn't my day.Copy !req
448. You mind leaving a little for the camels?Copy !req
449. You're American.Copy !req
450. And you're drinking water
that comes from a stagnant pond.Copy !req
451. I'm from Brooklyn. I've had a lot worse.Copy !req
452. - My name is Louis.
- Name's Jessie.Copy !req
453. - Nice to meet you.
- Wanna give me a hand?Copy !req
454. Okay.Copy !req
455. No offense, but these are
the ugliest rabbits I've ever seen.Copy !req
456. They're called bilbies.
They're almost extinct.Copy !req
457. In fact, it's up to these guys to
repopulate the entire Devil's Marbles area.Copy !req
458. Somebody's gonna be having fun tonight!Copy !req
459. That's the plan.Copy !req
460. Looks like you'll need
more bilbies, though.Copy !req
461. Well, if the foundation I work for
had more money...Copy !req
462. You mean the Wildlife Foundation?Copy !req
463. - You work here?
- Yeah.Copy !req
464. Thank you, Lord! This is great!
I need some help.Copy !req
465. I put my lucky jacket
on the back of a dead kangaroo...Copy !req
466. who came to life
and hopped off with my money.Copy !req
467. - You do need help.
- No, no, no, I'm for real.Copy !req
468. Can you help me?Copy !req
469. Do you have any idea where he is?Copy !req
470. No.Copy !req
471. It seems to me you need an airplane.
You need a tranquilizer gun...Copy !req
472. You need a list.Copy !req
473. Come on, come on, come on!
He's got it!Copy !req
474. Charlie! Charlie!Copy !req
475. Come here, man. Come here!Copy !req
476. Give me one sec, guys.Copy !req
477. You've gotta see this guy drink!
He's unbelievable!Copy !req
478. I figured out how to catch that kangaroo.Copy !req
479. First we hit it with a car and
now you want to blow its head off?Copy !req
480. No.Copy !req
481. This is a tranquilizer dart.
It works in three stages.Copy !req
482. Stage one: Temporary blindness.
Stage two: Partial paralysis.Copy !req
483. And stage three: Complete
shutdown of all motor skills.Copy !req
484. - Totally humane.
- Sounds humane.Copy !req
485. I said it was temporary.Copy !req
486. I walked to this wildlife office
and this American girl that works there...Copy !req
487. and she is...Copy !req
488. Epileptic?Copy !req
489. Her name is Jessie.Copy !req
490. I told her the story and showed her
a photo of the kangaroo.Copy !req
491. You told her the kangaroo has $50,000?Copy !req
492. I told her the kangaroo has $4000
and our passports.Copy !req
493. Not bad.Copy !req
494. She told me the best way
to find a kangaroo is by air.Copy !req
495. What's that?Copy !req
496. A number to a bush plane that we can hire.Copy !req
497. - I like it.
- Let's go call.Copy !req
498. If I didn't know you better,
I'd say this is a honey of a plan.Copy !req
499. Dang skippy.Copy !req
500. Excuse me, mates.Copy !req
501. Gotta point Percy at the porcelain.Copy !req
502. Gee, almost made it.Copy !req
503. Pilot's personal number.Copy !req
504. Louis?Copy !req
505. Do you have a backup plan?Copy !req
506. I sure hope the two pots of coffee
and the Red Bull we gave him were enough!Copy !req
507. Hey, man! How're you doing up there?Copy !req
508. Never better, mate!
Why do you ask?Copy !req
509. No reason. It's just that you
were passed out an hour ago.Copy !req
510. That's just me morning ritual, mate.Copy !req
511. I couldn't help but notice
that this is the Flying Dingo IV.Copy !req
512. What happened to the I, II and III?Copy !req
513. Now use the word in a sentence.Copy !req
514. Having no definite form.
Shapeless, as in:Copy !req
515. "After Joey Clams got whacked,
his head was amorphous."Copy !req
516. That was excellent.
Now let's move to the next level.Copy !req
517. I think you should take this.Copy !req
518. Hello.Copy !req
519. I'm aggrieved to hear that, Mr. Smith.Copy !req
520. Of course we had a deal.Copy !req
521. Please, advise me if
this situation changes.Copy !req
522. Those two mammalucco didn't show.Copy !req
523. Our friend feels they pocketed the 50 G's.Copy !req
524. Maybe they figured it out.Copy !req
525. My stepson couldn't figure out
a cheese sandwich...Copy !req
526. if they spotted him the pumpernickel
and the provolone.Copy !req
527. So, what do you want to do?Copy !req
528. You possess a valid passport.Copy !req
529. I can't see anything from up here.Copy !req
530. Hey, do you think you can
take us down a little lower?Copy !req
531. Hang on to your knickers,
we're going in!Copy !req
532. A little lower! A little lower!Copy !req
533. Look out for that tree!Copy !req
534. Could you please not do that again?
Thank you!Copy !req
535. Hey, Charlie!
Look to the left!Copy !req
536. Kangaroos!Copy !req
537. They're kangaroos, all right!
A lot of kangaroos!Copy !req
538. None with a red jacket.
You think he could be someplace else?Copy !req
539. Wait!Copy !req
540. - Look, look, it's Jackie Legs!
- There he is!Copy !req
541. - That's him, that's him!
- I knew this would work!Copy !req
542. - Blue, bring us around!
- Yeah, right!Copy !req
543. Get me there, Blue!Copy !req
544. Get up right on his tail
and stay with him no matter what!Copy !req
545. Say hello to my little friend!Copy !req
546. I got you now, Jackie Legs!Copy !req
547. I'm gonna get you now.Copy !req
548. You hit him?Copy !req
549. I don't know.
He's still hopping.Copy !req
550. Maybe it takes time
for it to take effect.Copy !req
551. Yeah, all right.Copy !req
552. Charlie?Copy !req
553. Oh, my God.Copy !req
554. - Mates?
- Yes?Copy !req
555. Got a bit of a wrinkle here.
The old optics are on the fritz.Copy !req
556. Stage one: Temporary blindness.Copy !req
557. - Was that the engine?
- No.Copy !req
558. That was me. For some reason,
I can't move me arms.Copy !req
559. Stage two: Partial paralysis!Copy !req
560. Charlie, can you lean over
and take the stick?Copy !req
561. I can still work the foot pedals.Copy !req
562. - Oh, God!
- Take the stick firmly in hand and—Copy !req
563. - Blue!
- Stage three:Copy !req
564. Total shutdown of motor skills!Copy !req
565. English, Blue, English!Copy !req
566. Stage four:Copy !req
567. Fiery crash!Copy !req
568. You okay?Copy !req
569. - Yeah.
- You sure?Copy !req
570. - Yeah.
- Good.Copy !req
571. 'Cause I am gonna beat you soft!Copy !req
572. - Like this is my fault?
- First rule of aviation:Copy !req
573. You never shoot the pilot!Copy !req
574. Assume crash positions!Copy !req
575. Blue, we already crashed.Copy !req
576. Right. No worries, then.Copy !req
577. Can I help you?Copy !req
578. Think some friends of mine
passed through here.Copy !req
579. A couple of Yanks?Copy !req
580. - Friends?
- Yeah.Copy !req
581. I promised the family back home
I'd take care of them.Copy !req
582. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
583. Come on, Blue, you got to
do something, man.Copy !req
584. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
585. Charlie, we gotta do something.Copy !req
586. What can we do?Copy !req
587. We have to hope Santa Claus over there
can fix the radio or someone looks for us.Copy !req
588. Actually, someone is looking for us.Copy !req
589. Mr. Smith.Copy !req
590. - Louis!
- He didn't say...Copy !req
591. what I said he said.Copy !req
592. What did he say
that you didn't say he said?Copy !req
593. He thinks we stole his package, man,
so he's coming after us.Copy !req
594. He mentioned cutting us up into little
bitty pieces and snacks for a crocodile.Copy !req
595. Then the phone went out—Copy !req
596. If Smith thinks we stole his money,
then by now Sal thinks we stole it.Copy !req
597. Sal's not gonna hurt us.
He's married to your mother.Copy !req
598. If Sal thinks we stole his money...Copy !req
599. he'll kill us in front of her,
then make her clean it up.Copy !req
600. All we have to do is find the money
before Mr. Smith finds us...Copy !req
601. and everything is okay.Copy !req
602. So what you're saying is that
we should find the money.Copy !req
603. - Yes.
- How, Louis? How?Copy !req
604. How are we gonna catch a kangaroo on foot?Copy !req
605. Got it.Copy !req
606. You ever heard of Devil's Marbles?Copy !req
607. Due east. Bit of a walk, though.Copy !req
608. Why, what's there?Copy !req
609. The lady I told you about
at the wildlife office.Copy !req
610. - The epileptic?
- Yes.Copy !req
611. She works with animals and I bet
she can help us catch Jackie Legs.Copy !req
612. - Please!
- Charlie.Copy !req
613. It's better than being cut up
into little bitty pieces, man.Copy !req
614. Not if you go first and I get to watch.Copy !req
615. Look out, you blokes go ahead.
I'll fix the radio, be right with you.Copy !req
616. - Which way is east, man?
- That way.Copy !req
617. - Let's go, man.
- No, no, wait there.Copy !req
618. That way.Copy !req
619. Charlie?Copy !req
620. I'm worried about Waffles.Copy !req
621. Do you think she'll be okay with Sal?Copy !req
622. Oh, sure.Copy !req
623. As long as she doesn't dig up
any bodies in the back yard...Copy !req
624. - ... she should be just fine.
- Good.Copy !req
625. How far did Blue say this place was?Copy !req
626. He didn't. He just said it was due east.Copy !req
627. So is Brooklyn.Copy !req
628. - You're the guide?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
629. My name Mr. Jimmy.
First-rate, expert Outback guide.Copy !req
630. You'll be most happy with me.Copy !req
631. Great freaking start.Copy !req
632. Hey, listen, you know where we can
get some guns around here?Copy !req
633. No worries. You boys hunters?Copy !req
634. Yeah, hunters.Copy !req
635. I think I just sweated out a bottle of
Yoo-Hoo I drank in the eighth grade.Copy !req
636. Be cool. Dingoes.Copy !req
637. Hey, that one kind of looks like Waffles.Copy !req
638. Yeah, if Waffles had a crazed look
in his eyes and his face caked in blood.Copy !req
639. Charlie?Copy !req
640. Why are they staring at me like that?Copy !req
641. Because I'm a green leaf salad
and you're the all-you-can-eat buffet.Copy !req
642. You gotta help me out, man.
They gonna get me like they got that baby!Copy !req
643. Feel that? Wind suddenly picked up.Copy !req
644. It's like all of a sudden
the air conditioner's fixed.Copy !req
645. Charlie, where are the dingoes going?Copy !req
646. I think something bad
is about to happen here, Louis.Copy !req
647. Hey, Charlie, look.Copy !req
648. This feels good! I feel like I can fly.Copy !req
649. Louis!Copy !req
650. - Louis!
- I believe I can fly!Copy !req
651. Louis, I wanna go back to Brooklyn!Copy !req
652. Come in, Tansy, over.Copy !req
653. Read you, over.Copy !req
654. Boy, am I glad to hear you.Copy !req
655. Listen, I've crashed me plane.
Can you send some help?Copy !req
656. Your location, over.Copy !req
657. It's west of the Simpson
and just south of King's Canyon.Copy !req
658. Tansy?Copy !req
659. You read me, Tansy?Copy !req
660. Tansy?Copy !req
661. Do you read me?Copy !req
662. Must have been
some kind of freak sand storm.Copy !req
663. Think so?Copy !req
664. I think you need to eat.Copy !req
665. Your blood sugar's getting low.Copy !req
666. Stop it, Louis. Okay? Please, just stop it.Copy !req
667. You know what I could really go for
right about now?Copy !req
668. Some Roscoe's chicken and waffles...Copy !req
669. with a side of grits
and a side of gravy.Copy !req
670. I'm not listening to you.Copy !req
671. Or better yet...Copy !req
672. one of those iced mocha-schmoca
things from Starbucks.Copy !req
673. They're so cold and creamy.Copy !req
674. My God.Copy !req
675. Can you believe this?Copy !req
676. Can you believe our luck?Copy !req
677. What are the chances?Copy !req
678. It's a miracle!Copy !req
679. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
680. Tunes!Copy !req
681. Hey, Louis, what are you waiting for?Copy !req
682. Come on, hop in.Copy !req
683. Hey, look.Copy !req
684. - They got Slurpees.
- Oh, Charlie.Copy !req
685. Brain freeze!Copy !req
686. It seemed so real.Copy !req
687. That's why they call it a mirage.Copy !req
688. At least you got to have fun
for a few minutes.Copy !req
689. Yeah, because my brain is frying,
and I'm losing contact with reality.Copy !req
690. You don't understand this
because this is how you usually function.Copy !req
691. - That was uncalled for, Charlie.
- Was it?Copy !req
692. Every decision you make,
Louis, is a disaster.Copy !req
693. That's right, Charlie, just blame me.Copy !req
694. That way you relieve yourself
of all responsibility.Copy !req
695. But let me tell you something...Copy !req
696. it's easier to mock than to do,
and you do nothing.Copy !req
697. You just complain and whine like a woman.Copy !req
698. You want to see me do something?Copy !req
699. Bring it on, queen of the desert.Copy !req
700. Louis. Louis, wait a second.Copy !req
701. I'm having another one of those mirages.Copy !req
702. And this one's a beauty.Copy !req
703. Charlie.Copy !req
704. Louis, please. Let me just enjoy this.Copy !req
705. How you doing?Copy !req
706. - Good. You?
- Good.Copy !req
707. Louis, they feel so real.Copy !req
708. - It's you.
- Yeah, it's me.Copy !req
709. Love the jacket, Charlie.Copy !req
710. It's hard to get something
that fits my shoulders. Nice!Copy !req
711. How'd you know red was my favorite color?Copy !req
712. You can talk!Copy !req
713. And I can sing.Copy !req
714. This is great.Copy !req
715. Jackie? Mr. Legs?Copy !req
716. If you could find your way clear
to give me back my money...Copy !req
717. Money?Copy !req
718. Oh, you mean that money!Copy !req
719. Stop that!Copy !req
720. Stop that!Copy !req
721. Stop that! Hey! Stop that, please!Copy !req
722. If Sal finds out—Copy !req
723. If I find out what, Charlie?
That you lost my money?Copy !req
724. - Sal?
- I ask you to do something for me.Copy !req
725. This is not that!Copy !req
726. - It wasn't my fault, it was Louis.
- Say what? My fault?Copy !req
727. That's how you pay me back
after I saved your life?Copy !req
728. - Louis?
- Next time you're drowning in the ocean...Copy !req
729. call Free Willy!
Let Willy set you free!Copy !req
730. You know what, Sal?
You were right about him.Copy !req
731. - Chicken blood!
- Smell it on his father.Copy !req
732. - Smell it on him.
- Chicken blood.Copy !req
733. - Chicken blood!
- Chicken blood!Copy !req
734. Here.Copy !req
735. Drink this.Copy !req
736. It'll bring down the swelling.Copy !req
737. Unfortunately, it'll also make
your testicles fall off.Copy !req
738. I'm kidding.Copy !req
739. It won't bring down the swelling.Copy !req
740. About bloody time.Copy !req
741. - Where are they?
- Piss off!Copy !req
742. Fifteen years Special Air Services,
behind the line!Copy !req
743. I'm down and out, mate.
I forgot more than you ever learned.Copy !req
744. You'll get nothing from me!Copy !req
745. Devil's Marbles.Copy !req
746. Took off on foot, about ten hours ago.Copy !req
747. See, that wasn't so difficult.Copy !req
748. Knock-knock.Copy !req
749. - Very funny.
- Can't be too careful.Copy !req
750. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.Copy !req
751. I didn't think they were real.Copy !req
752. Oh, no! I mean,
I thought they were real—Copy !req
753. Relax, I know what you mean.
Louis explained.Copy !req
754. Listen, Louis and I have a little problem—Copy !req
755. And I already told him,
I can't help you find your roo.Copy !req
756. I've got to get back to
Alice Springs. Sorry.Copy !req
757. That's okay.Copy !req
758. I understand.Copy !req
759. - What?
- Look...Copy !req
760. Louis told me you need some money
to repopulate the earth with your rabbits.Copy !req
761. Bilbies.Copy !req
762. Bilbies.Copy !req
763. How about this, we give you $2000...Copy !req
764. you help us get our stuff back.Copy !req
765. - Two thousand dollars?
- Strictly business, no strings attached.Copy !req
766. - What do you say? We got a deal?
- Deal.Copy !req
767. Great. Hustle makes it happen.Copy !req
768. - Let's get moving.
- Now?Copy !req
769. You see, our passports are just
about to expire—Copy !req
770. Nine of the ten most poisonous snakes
in the world live in Australia.Copy !req
771. And they all come out at night.Copy !req
772. How do you feel about a morning start?Copy !req
773. Doesn't get any better than this, Louis.
Blue skies, fresh air!Copy !req
774. And who even knew
there were camels in Australia?Copy !req
775. These are noble beasts, my friend.
Proud, majestic—Copy !req
776. Get used to it, boys. Camels do that.Copy !req
777. I don't want to seem nosy,
but do you have some sort of plan here?Copy !req
778. There hasn't been rain for weeks, right?Copy !req
779. - Oh, God.
- Come on!Copy !req
780. When the water dries up in the basins,
the kangaroos head for the rivers.Copy !req
781. So that means we have two choices,
the Finke River or the Todd.Copy !req
782. Since the Finke is 200 hundred miles away,
I'm leaning toward the Todd.Copy !req
783. - Alrighty, then, to the Todd.
- To the Todd.Copy !req
784. To the Todd!Copy !req
785. Louis, what are you eating?
I picked a bunch of berries at camp.Copy !req
786. Jessie said they were cool.Copy !req
787. They smell just like a bowl of Fruity
Pebbles right before you add the milk.Copy !req
788. - Go on, take a whiff.
- No, thank you.Copy !req
789. - Give me some of those berries real quick!
- Go on, take some.Copy !req
790. Man, these do smell pretty good.Copy !req
791. Chicks in New York, they'd pay big money
to smell like that.Copy !req
792. They're called snakeskin lily berries. Tut!Copy !req
793. Impressive. How long you been in Australia?Copy !req
794. I moved here with a friend from Milwaukee
three years ago for a semester...Copy !req
795. - ... and never went back.
- Milwaukee!Copy !req
796. You know, I once had a—Copy !req
797. What is with these camels?Copy !req
798. That one was me.Copy !req
799. I swear to God we passed that same bush
two hours ago. What is going on?Copy !req
800. - Well, it says here—
- What, again with the map?Copy !req
801. Why don't you sit on your head,
try thinking with your butt.Copy !req
802. Hey, Frankie, look!Copy !req
803. Maybe this hump can tell us where we are.Copy !req
804. How are you doing?Copy !req
805. Got tranqued, crashed me plane, rescue
party knocked me out and left me to die.Copy !req
806. All because of a bloody boomer.Copy !req
807. We're looking for Alice Springs.Copy !req
808. Heading straight for it, mate.
What about a lift?Copy !req
809. - Why not? Get in.
- Beauty.Copy !req
810. So what do you think?Copy !req
811. No wonder the kangaroos come here.Copy !req
812. Come on.Copy !req
813. This looks like a good spot.Copy !req
814. If there's a kangaroo within 500 miles,
he'll show up here eventually.Copy !req
815. So when our guy shows up,
how are we gonna catch him?Copy !req
816. You know what?
I've been thinking about that.Copy !req
817. Have you ever thrown a bolo?Copy !req
818. What?Copy !req
819. Yo, what's a boomer?Copy !req
820. - What?
- A boomer!Copy !req
821. Oh, a kangaroo.Copy !req
822. It was two of your blokes. Americans.Copy !req
823. They were chasing after this kangaroo
in a red shiny jacket.Copy !req
824. Don't that dork, Louis Booker,
always wear a shiny red jacket?Copy !req
825. Yeah.Copy !req
826. Never should have left the pub.Copy !req
827. Yes! Yeah!Copy !req
828. Is this an Olympic event?
Because I am bolo man!Copy !req
829. I am bolo man!Copy !req
830. - Bingo!
- Dingo? Where?Copy !req
831. No, bingo. Look.Copy !req
832. - Nice call, Jessie.
- So, that's Jackie Legs.Copy !req
833. Kangaroo Jack in the flesh.Copy !req
834. Can't get near him like that.
He'll take off running.Copy !req
835. So, what do we do?Copy !req
836. We have to disguise ourselves.Copy !req
837. Get rid of our human scent.Copy !req
838. And how are we going to do that?Copy !req
839. We need to get a little closer.Copy !req
840. Now, the only time we move
is when he's feeding.Copy !req
841. This is very important. Don't make any
sudden movements or sounds.Copy !req
842. - Okay.
- Got it.Copy !req
843. There he goes.Copy !req
844. Shit!Copy !req
845. What is your problem?Copy !req
846. - I got ants crawling up my leg!
- Just ignore them!Copy !req
847. - I thought she said no sudden movements!
- Boys. Boys!Copy !req
848. Hello?Copy !req
849. - We're close enough. Spread out.
- Charlie.Copy !req
850. They're having a picnic in my shorts.
And I brought the sweets!Copy !req
851. - Louis, just keep it together!
- Okay!Copy !req
852. Keep it together, Louis!Copy !req
853. Keep it together.Copy !req
854. I can't take it no more!Copy !req
855. Oh, God!Copy !req
856. Get off! Get off me! Get off me!
I'm gonna roll in the grass!Copy !req
857. This is great! This is just great!
Now what are we gonna do?Copy !req
858. Well, there's no more we can do today.
We'll just have to wait.Copy !req
859. - I have an idea where they'll be tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?Copy !req
860. No. This has gotta happen today.Copy !req
861. We'll pitch camp here.
I'll get the firewood.Copy !req
862. Oh, God.Copy !req
863. Hey, sorry about that, man.
I was under attack.Copy !req
864. That's all right. Look at her.
She thinks she's so much smarter than us.Copy !req
865. I'm pretty sure she is, Charlie.Copy !req
866. Let me ask you something, Mr. Jimmy.Copy !req
867. Where do I go if I'm looking
for a missing kangaroo?Copy !req
868. The sky is dry for many months.Copy !req
869. - Wind is quiet from the—
- Kangaroos, Jim! Where are they?Copy !req
870. The best bet is right here. Owen Springs.Copy !req
871. What are you doing?Copy !req
872. Jessie! I was going to take a bath.Copy !req
873. Go!Copy !req
874. - Yes!
- No.Copy !req
875. Look, I'm hot, I'm filthy
and I wanna take a bath.Copy !req
876. You can stay, you can go,
it makes no difference to me.Copy !req
877. - Well, I'm not leaving. I was here first.
- Suit yourself.Copy !req
878. It's gorgeous.Copy !req
879. Hey, what are looking at?Copy !req
880. - Well, you looked first.
- Yeah, I looked.Copy !req
881. So, I looked too, all right?Copy !req
882. Come near me, I'll kill you.Copy !req
883. So nervous.Copy !req
884. You have absolutely no effect on me.Copy !req
885. No?Copy !req
886. - You think you do.
- Just stating the obvious.Copy !req
887. You are so not my type! You could kiss me
and it wouldn't make the slightest...Copy !req
888. - ... difference.
- Nothing?Copy !req
889. No. Sorry.Copy !req
890. Well, I hate break it to you, honey, but that
kiss did absolutely nothing for me, either.Copy !req
891. I'm not surprised,
if that's the best you can kiss.Copy !req
892. You want to see the best I can kiss?Copy !req
893. As a matter of fact, I—Copy !req
894. See?Copy !req
895. Nothing.Copy !req
896. Same here. Nothing.Copy !req
897. Really?Copy !req
898. All right, I'll admit it.Copy !req
899. This is the most sensual
romantic moment of my entire life.Copy !req
900. And now it's over.Copy !req
901. Hey, guys...Copy !req
902. I think it's time to get up.Copy !req
903. What's going on?Copy !req
904. - We're in a little bit of trouble.
- A little?Copy !req
905. I've been following camel tracks all bloody
morning, so let's make short work of this.Copy !req
906. Where's me moolah?Copy !req
907. For God's sakes!
All this over $4000?Copy !req
908. It's more, isn't it?Copy !req
909. How much more?Copy !req
910. $46,000 more.Copy !req
911. And every cent of it is mine.Copy !req
912. Now, there are two ways of doing this.Copy !req
913. And one of them is a lot less painful
than the other.Copy !req
914. Where's the money?Copy !req
915. See, what happened was...Copy !req
916. we was driving and we hit this kangaroo.Copy !req
917. - I was wearing my lucky jacket—
- Wrong answer.Copy !req
918. Your mate, Blue, told us
that yarn about the boomer.Copy !req
919. Mate.Copy !req
920. I hope for your sake you were stupid enough
to hide that money in them saddle bags.Copy !req
921. - You gotta believe us.
- No. You gotta believe me.Copy !req
922. If it ain't there, I'm gonna carve
you up piece by piece.Copy !req
923. - It's safe to assume you're not on vacation.
- No.Copy !req
924. Charlie's stepfather is a mobster and
he sent us here to deliver a package.Copy !req
925. - And you got me into the middle of this?
- Sorry. I never thought this would happen.Copy !req
926. And you lied to me.Copy !req
927. What do you know!Copy !req
928. Bad news, fellas,
you were telling the truth.Copy !req
929. Who wants to go first?Copy !req
930. We can find your money.
If you kill us now, you'll never get it.Copy !req
931. - I'm listening.
- I know a feeding ground near Owen Springs.Copy !req
932. A eucalyptus grove a few kilometers
from here. That's where they'll be.Copy !req
933. I'll take the sheila and ride ahead.Copy !req
934. Jessie...Copy !req
935. I didn't do it for you.Copy !req
936. Listen up.Copy !req
937. Once we're out of sight, I want you to
take our friends out to Kings Canyon.Copy !req
938. You know what to do with them.
But don't go berko. Make it look natural.Copy !req
939. Two Yanks tragically karking it
in the unapologetic Outback.Copy !req
940. We're going in the wrong direction.Copy !req
941. - They're gonna kill us.
- God knows what they'll do to Jessie.Copy !req
942. I should have stopped this 20 years ago.Copy !req
943. What are you talking about?Copy !req
944. First time Sal came to my mother's
house, I knew he was no good.Copy !req
945. But he bought me this first baseman's mitt,
that Don Mattingly model.Copy !req
946. That was a great mitt.
I still feel bad about losing it.Copy !req
947. When he left, my mom asked me
what I thought of him.Copy !req
948. And I said, "I like him."Copy !req
949. I should have stood up to him
and thrown him out of my house.Copy !req
950. Charlie, you were 10.Copy !req
951. Sal was right, Louis.
I got chicken blood.Copy !req
952. I had it my whole life.Copy !req
953. But that stops right now.Copy !req
954. Louis, reach into my pants.Copy !req
955. Don't do this. Go out like a man.
Look, we all have urges.Copy !req
956. I remember this one time,
there was this well-built Latino—Copy !req
957. My scissors! Reach into my pants
and get my scissors.Copy !req
958. Okay.Copy !req
959. Okay, Louis.Copy !req
960. - Are you ready to go?
- You bet.Copy !req
961. You think you can distract them?Copy !req
962. You mean, make them watch this hand
instead of this one?Copy !req
963. Piece of cake.Copy !req
964. Freeze, sucker!Copy !req
965. Get your hands up and turn slowly!Copy !req
966. I'm warning you!Copy !req
967. In 1983, I was the starting pitcher
in the Little League World Series.Copy !req
968. I struck out 16 Taiwanese All-Stars!Copy !req
969. To this day, the people of Asia
call me Sun Luc Dong...Copy !req
970. which means big black man
pretending to be 12!Copy !req
971. My name's Carbone,
which means skinny white boy with a gun.Copy !req
972. Good work, Sun Luc Dong.Copy !req
973. You said they'd be here.Copy !req
974. You're trying to pull a swifty
and I don't much like that.Copy !req
975. There's also an area further along.Copy !req
976. I'm tired of your howling.Copy !req
977. What in bloody...?Copy !req
978. Change of plans, Smith.Copy !req
979. Come on, you two.
Let's go. Let's go, come on.Copy !req
980. Jessie, come here.Copy !req
981. - Easy, darling.
- Drop the knife, Smith.Copy !req
982. You ever held a gun before, Charlie?Copy !req
983. Don't answer that.Copy !req
984. No.Copy !req
985. You ever killed a man, Charlie?Copy !req
986. Don't answer that.Copy !req
987. No.Copy !req
988. What do you do for a living
that makes you so brave, Charlie?Copy !req
989. Really don't answer that.Copy !req
990. I'm a hairdresser.
Now, drop the knife.Copy !req
991. Come here, Jessie.Copy !req
992. Yeah! We bad.Copy !req
993. If you think you're off the hook
because you came back for me...Copy !req
994. Never crossed my mind.Copy !req
995. You better hope that's someone
coming to rescue you.Copy !req
996. Frankie!Copy !req
997. - What are you doing here?
- Sal heard you were having trouble...Copy !req
998. so he sent us to help you out.Copy !req
999. - Who the hell are you?
- Frank Lombardo.Copy !req
1000. I represent the interests
of Salvatore Maggio.Copy !req
1001. - You must be Smith.
- You're not wrong.Copy !req
1002. - What's going on here?
- These guys were trying to kill us.Copy !req
1003. Looks like we got here just in time.Copy !req
1004. You did good, kid.Copy !req
1005. Now, put that gun down
before you hurt yourself, all right?Copy !req
1006. Wow, Frankie.Copy !req
1007. I never thought I'd be happy to see you.Copy !req
1008. Frankie, this is Jessie.
Jessie, this is Frankie.Copy !req
1009. - Hi.
- You see...Copy !req
1010. Louis and I, we fell
a little behind schedule—Copy !req
1011. And Jessie came along and helped us
get back on schedule again.Copy !req
1012. And so, you know— Uh-oh.Copy !req
1013. I know all about it, Charlie.Copy !req
1014. So you know about Jackie Legs?Copy !req
1015. From Canarsie? He's involved in this?Copy !req
1016. No, you guys are so sneaky and clever,
I didn't know.Copy !req
1017. Hurricanes leave smaller trails
than you two morons.Copy !req
1018. Sal is very disappointed to hear
you lost that money.Copy !req
1019. We'll get the money back.Copy !req
1020. It's too late for that. This time you
screwed up big. Final straw big.Copy !req
1021. Enough of the claptrap.
That money is mine.Copy !req
1022. Zip the lip, Dundee.Copy !req
1023. We had a contract
and it didn't involve no bloody roo.Copy !req
1024. I had to come all the way down here
to the sphincter of the galaxy...Copy !req
1025. to straighten out this
puked-up fur ball of a mess.Copy !req
1026. - Do not agitate me.
- We had a contract!Copy !req
1027. Do not agitate me!Copy !req
1028. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
1029. Jessie, get as far away
from here as you can.Copy !req
1030. They're not after you.Copy !req
1031. Louis, we gotta get the money.Copy !req
1032. We drive the roo into the canyon,
we can corner him there.Copy !req
1033. - We?
- We did have a deal.Copy !req
1034. Enough!Copy !req
1035. Contract terminated.Copy !req
1036. Get in the car!Copy !req
1037. - There he goes!
- Turn him into the canyon!Copy !req
1038. Frankie!Copy !req
1039. Come on!Copy !req
1040. We got them!Copy !req
1041. Shoot at them, you idiot!Copy !req
1042. I could've stayed in Brooklyn for this!Copy !req
1043. Come on, baby!Copy !req
1044. Hold on!Copy !req
1045. I hate this country like a sickness!Copy !req
1046. Not me! Them!Copy !req
1047. My bad.Copy !req
1048. Bad brats!Copy !req
1049. - Get the dumb thing out of my face!
- I got it!Copy !req
1050. Watch your head!Copy !req
1051. - Watch out!
- For what?Copy !req
1052. Tight fit!Copy !req
1053. Crap!Copy !req
1054. - Louis, he's coming to you!
- Go get him, big guy!Copy !req
1055. I'm gonna get that money, Charlie!
I'm going for the money!Copy !req
1056. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1057. - Louis!
- Watch out!Copy !req
1058. Louis, no!Copy !req
1059. Stay still, Jackie Legs!Copy !req
1060. Yeah, I got it! I got it!Copy !req
1061. - I got the money!
- Louis!Copy !req
1062. Louis!Copy !req
1063. Hurry, Charlie!Copy !req
1064. I'm slipping, Charlie!Copy !req
1065. Charlie!Copy !req
1066. Louis, grab my hand.Copy !req
1067. Louis!Copy !req
1068. - Charlie!
- Hold on, Louis!Copy !req
1069. Give me your belt!Copy !req
1070. You'll be all right!Copy !req
1071. Charlie!Copy !req
1072. Grab that rope. Grab that rope!Copy !req
1073. Charlie!Copy !req
1074. Grab the belt, Louis.Copy !req
1075. I can't reach it, Charlie!Copy !req
1076. Grab the damn belt!Copy !req
1077. It's now or never, Louis!Copy !req
1078. - Pull me up!
- Louis.Copy !req
1079. You have really got to cut back on the pie!Copy !req
1080. Don't you let me go, Charlie!Copy !req
1081. Don't you let me go!Copy !req
1082. Go, go, go! Up, up!Copy !req
1083. Pull, Jessie. A little more!Copy !req
1084. Come on, Louis!
Jessie, a little more!Copy !req
1085. Come on!Copy !req
1086. Charlie! I'm slipping!Copy !req
1087. I'm gonna name my first son after you.Copy !req
1088. "Crazy-Ass White Boy."Copy !req
1089. Let go of me!Copy !req
1090. Let go of me!Copy !req
1091. This is from Sal Maggio.Copy !req
1092. Frankie, we got the money back.
We got it back!Copy !req
1093. We got it!Copy !req
1094. You don't get it, do you, Charlie?Copy !req
1095. Sal's not disappointed because
he cares about the money.Copy !req
1096. He's disappointed because
you two aren't dead!Copy !req
1097. What do you think he was paying
Smith 50 grand for?Copy !req
1098. We traveled halfway across the world
to pay for our own execution?Copy !req
1099. Yeah, you two guys were
the bagmen for your own hit.Copy !req
1100. Pretty clever.Copy !req
1101. Not on our part.Copy !req
1102. Say good night.Copy !req
1103. This is Senior Sergeant
Jimmy Inkamala, Australian Police.Copy !req
1104. - Mr. Jimmy?
- Drop your weapon and—Copy !req
1105. Hey, Frankie! Go long!Copy !req
1106. - I am bolo man.
- That's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
1107. Yes, Mr. Smith was one of our
most notorious contract killers.Copy !req
1108. We got a tip from the FBI that he was
involved with the Maggio family.Copy !req
1109. Yeah, and when Frankie Lombardo called
looking for a guide, I was waiting.Copy !req
1110. I'm just glad I made it in time.Copy !req
1111. You pansy-ass retards are dead!
You hear me? Dead!Copy !req
1112. I'll slaughter you like veal!
I'll wear your eyeballs like jewelry!Copy !req
1113. I've always found the Brooklyn
vernacular fascinating.Copy !req
1114. Quite colorful, really.Copy !req
1115. Hey, Frankie?
Can I have your Yankees tickets?Copy !req
1116. There you are! They were full.Copy !req
1117. They're radioing Alice Springs
to send another chopper for us.Copy !req
1118. What's up, man?Copy !req
1119. Charlie.Copy !req
1120. Something really important
happened here today.Copy !req
1121. You saved my life.Copy !req
1122. - Yeah, I know. So now we're even.
- Exactly.Copy !req
1123. You don't owe me anymore.
You're rid of me.Copy !req
1124. What are you talking about,
I'm rid of you?Copy !req
1125. Come on, Charlie, guilt was the glue
that held this friendship together.Copy !req
1126. - You never needed me.
- You're wrong, Louis.Copy !req
1127. I've always needed you.Copy !req
1128. You know when you call me up,
and you're, like:Copy !req
1129. "Yo, Charlie, you gotta help me drive
some greyhounds up from Florida."Copy !req
1130. And I make out like I'm doing you
this big favor?Copy !req
1131. Truth is, you're doing me the favor.Copy !req
1132. Every story in my life worth telling
starts with the words Louis and I.Copy !req
1133. Come on, get away from me
with that, man.Copy !req
1134. You think we're friends
because you saved my life once?Copy !req
1135. You save my life every day, Louis.Copy !req
1136. Come on, man.Copy !req
1137. Guys?Copy !req
1138. Can you hold on a second?Copy !req
1139. We're having a very intimate,
non-gay moment.Copy !req
1140. Take a look.Copy !req
1141. - What are you doing?
- Hello, Jackie Legs.Copy !req
1142. Here you go, boy. Here you go. Yeah.Copy !req
1143. That's a boy.Copy !req
1144. Good boy. Here you are.Copy !req
1145. Hey, there, little guy. Yeah.Copy !req
1146. There you go.Copy !req
1147. It's okay. It's okay.
Let me just grab this.Copy !req
1148. There you are. Good boy.Copy !req
1149. There you go.Copy !req
1150. So long, Jackie Legs.Copy !req
1151. Hey, would you look at that?Copy !req
1152. - Louis, your lucky jacket.
- I don't think so!Copy !req
1153. Hear me out. If you hadn't
put the money in the jacket...Copy !req
1154. and the jacket on the kangaroo...Copy !req
1155. we would've delivered the money
to Smith and he would've killed us.Copy !req
1156. Your lucky jacket.Copy !req
1157. Gimme my jacket! I told you. Didn't I
tell you this was my lucky jacket?Copy !req
1158. Look, Louis, he's back.Copy !req
1159. And he's got a family.Copy !req
1160. Hey, you must be Jackie Junior.
You're a cute little guy, aren't you?Copy !req
1161. Oh, my God! Are you all right?Copy !req
1162. So, that's my story.Copy !req
1163. Well, not quite.Copy !req
1164. Frankie and his goons
were put away for good.Copy !req
1165. As for Sal, he used all his high-level
connections to avoid going to prison.Copy !req
1166. And you know what?Copy !req
1167. It wasn't enough.Copy !req
1168. Jessie? She ended up marrying
some filthy-rich tycoon.Copy !req
1169. Hey, honey.Copy !req
1170. Hi, honey.Copy !req
1171. Yep, the filthy-rich dude, that's me.Copy !req
1172. Louis and I used the 50 grand
as startup money.Copy !req
1173. And now Snakeskin Lily Berry
Shampoo...Copy !req
1174. is the biggest thing
since Vidal Sassoon.Copy !req
1175. Got the latest numbers in from Europe.
Think you'll like them.Copy !req
1176. I love numbers.Copy !req
1177. Hey, partner? I got the new numbers.Copy !req
1178. Partner? Partner?Copy !req
1179. Look out below!Copy !req
1180. - Louis!
- Just trying my newest idea:Copy !req
1181. Waterproof mousse! How do you like it?Copy !req
1182. So that's me, Charlie Carbone.Copy !req
1183. The one with the beautiful girl,
all the money I could ever want...Copy !req
1184. and my best friend Louis...Copy !req
1185. who saved my life more times
than he'll ever know.Copy !req
1186. Wait a minute!Copy !req
1187. The movie is called Kangaroo Jack!
It should end with me!Copy !req
1188. I'm a serious,
classically trained actor!Copy !req
1189. I can sing, I can dance and I can jump
out of the way of explosions.Copy !req
1190. Yeah, no, that gonna leave a mark.Copy !req
1191. And I can do impersonations.Copy !req
1192. Come on, people.
Throw me a freaking bone.Copy !req
1193. I have a son.
I shall call him Mini-Roo.Copy !req
1194. Now, that should be the way you
end a film. With the star.Copy !req
1195. Someone call my agent!Copy !req
1196. That's all, blokes!Copy !req