1. Look! It's Turbo Man and Booster!Copy !req
2. Kill them both!Copy !req
3. Turbo discs, anyone?Copy !req
4. - Stop him!
- Go, go, Demon Team!Copy !req
5. - No! Help, Turbo Man! Help!
- I'm coming, Billy!Copy !req
6. Ta-ta, Turbo Man.Copy !req
7. Five seconds to ignition.Copy !req
8. It's turbo time!Copy !req
9. Got you.Copy !req
10. You haven't seen
the last of me, Turbo Man!Copy !req
11. I'll have my revenge!Copy !req
12. Here you go, Mr. President.Copy !req
13. Mom, Dad, Booster.Copy !req
14. - Thank you, Turbo Man.
- You can always count on me.Copy !req
15. Hey, Jamie, why don't you go upstairs and
change, hon? It's almost time to leave.Copy !req
16. But Dad's not home yet.Copy !req
17. Now he's probably gonna
miss me get my belt.Copy !req
18. He misses everything.Copy !req
19. Well, he's not gonna miss this.
He's probably just working really hard.Copy !req
20. Hello, Mr. Jacobs.Copy !req
21. Oh, yes, we've been busy,
but, you know, I like that.Copy !req
22. I'm gonna make it.
I hear you.Copy !req
23. Yes. So what
can I do for you?Copy !req
24. 200 king-sized by next Friday?Copy !req
25. No problem whatsoever,
but only for you, Mr. Jacobs...Copy !req
26. because you're
our number one customer.Copy !req
27. Andrea, hi.Copy !req
28. Well, if you think the fabric is too dark,
then we'll just recover it.Copy !req
29. And no extra chargeCopy !req
30. - Well, what do you expect?
- You're my number one customer.Copy !req
31. Don't you forget.
You're my number one customer.Copy !req
32. You're my number one customer.Copy !req
33. Liz. Hi, honey. How are you?Copy !req
34. Howard, where are you?Copy !req
35. I know— Jamie's karate class.Copy !req
36. Don't worry.
I'll meet you there. I promise.Copy !req
37. And don't forget,
you're my number one customer.Copy !req
38. Liz! I— Look, I didn't mean that—Copy !req
39. Liz?Copy !req
40. I gotta get out of here.Copy !req
41. I'm gonna make it.
I'm gonna make it.Copy !req
42. He's not gonna make it.Copy !req
43. What the...Copy !req
44. Johnny!Copy !req
45. - The kids look great, don't they?
- Yeah, they do.Copy !req
46. Ted, I baked you some cookies—Copy !req
47. - You know, to thank you for fixing my screen door.
- Yes, sir!Copy !req
48. Well, thanks, Judy.Copy !req
49. - One!
- One!Copy !req
50. Ted, I was wondering
if you'd mind...Copy !req
51. taking a look at my porch light.Copy !req
52. It just doesn't
seem to be working...Copy !req
53. and you being such a handyman...Copy !req
54. Sure. I've got just
the tool for the job.Copy !req
55. I'm gonna make it.Copy !req
56. Damn it.Copy !req
57. - Hai!
- Two!Copy !req
58. - Hai!
- Three!Copy !req
59. - Four!
- Hai!Copy !req
60. License and registration,
please.Copy !req
61. Look, sir,
I'm in kind of a hurry.Copy !req
62. I'm really late for
my son's karate class.Copy !req
63. Oh, I do apologize
if I've caused you some sort of delay.Copy !req
64. How thoughtless of me.Copy !req
65. Because the last thing that I want
on my conscience right now...Copy !req
66. is for a private citizen to
somehow be disappointed...Copy !req
67. in the performance of my duty.Copy !req
68. Look, I was not criticizing you, Officer.
It's just that-Copy !req
69. Step out of the vehicle.Copy !req
70. That's my boy!Copy !req
71. There. Are we finished now?Copy !req
72. Recite the alphabet.Copy !req
73. "A,"B,"C"...Copy !req
74. Backwards.Copy !req
75. Way to go, Jamie!Copy !req
76. I didn't make it.Copy !req
77. Hey, neighbor!Copy !req
78. Ted? What the hell are
you doing on my roof?Copy !req
79. What's Ted doing on your roof? Ta-da!Copy !req
80. I had some extra lights
in the garage...Copy !req
81. and since you didn't put up any yourself,
I thought, what the heck?Copy !req
82. Why not spread a little Christmas cheer
around the neighborhood?Copy !req
83. Aw, gee, Ted, how thoughtful.Copy !req
84. Hey, sorry you missed
the karate class today.Copy !req
85. But don't worry.
I got it all on video for you.Copy !req
86. What would I do without you?Copy !req
87. Did you tell Ted that he could
put lights up on our house?Copy !req
88. Howard, do you have
any idea what time it is?Copy !req
89. I know. You should have seen the traffic,
and on top of that, I got a speeding ticket.Copy !req
90. Don't explain it to me.
It wasn't my karate class you missed.Copy !req
91. We'll be back right after these messages.Copy !req
92. - Hi, buddy.
- It's turbo time!Copy !req
93. Now it's your chance to save
the universe with Turbo Man!Copy !req
94. Battle evil with America's
favorite superhero...Copy !req
95. and his sidekick Booster.Copy !req
96. Jamie, about
that karate class tonight...Copy !req
97. I was trying to—Jamie.Copy !req
98. Jamie, stop!Copy !req
99. Listen.
It was not my fault.Copy !req
100. Jamie, don't walk away
from your father.Copy !req
101. Jamie.Copy !req
102. Can I come in?Copy !req
103. So, champ...Copy !req
104. are those hands registered weapons yet?Copy !req
105. Oh, is this it?Copy !req
106. Wow! This is really cool.Copy !req
107. How do you do this?Copy !req
108. Like this?Copy !req
109. No. I know. Like this.Copy !req
110. What do you think, Jamie?
How about this?Copy !req
111. Ya!Copy !req
112. I've done something
really stupid today, huh?Copy !req
113. - I don't care.
- Oh, come on, Jamie.Copy !req
114. I hope this is not true, because I really
wanted to be there.Copy !req
115. Look, believe me, I...Copy !req
116. But you always say that,
and you never come anyways.Copy !req
117. Purple was important to me, Dad.Copy !req
118. That's one away from green
and three away from black.Copy !req
119. - But I saw you get yellow.
- But you missed blue.Copy !req
120. You're right.
I really blew it.Copy !req
121. I'm really, really sorry.Copy !req
122. You think you can let me
make it up to you?Copy !req
123. Like how?Copy !req
124. Well, like letting me
do something special... just for you.Copy !req
125. Like, if there's something
really important...Copy !req
126. you've been wanting
for Christmas, hmm?Copy !req
127. Ah, don't worry.
I got it covered. I wrote Santa.Copy !req
128. Ah. But Santa gets very busy
this time of the year.Copy !req
129. Sometimes he even has to ask moms
and dads to help out a little bit.Copy !req
130. Nah. It's not that important.Copy !req
131. Tell me.
What do you want?Copy !req
132. I want the Turbo Man action figure
with the arms and legs that move...Copy !req
133. and the boomerang shooter
and the rock-and-roar jet pack...Copy !req
134. and the realistic voice activator
that says five different phrases...Copy !req
135. including, "It's turbo time!"Copy !req
136. Accessories sold separately.
Batteries not included.Copy !req
137. Well, I'm glad you had to stop
and think about it.Copy !req
138. Johnny's gonna get one,
and so is everybody else I know.Copy !req
139. Whoever doesn't is
gonna be a real loser.Copy !req
140. Well, that definitely won't be you.Copy !req
141. Thanks, Dad.
I love you.Copy !req
142. I love you too, Jamie.
I love you!Copy !req
143. Whoa!Copy !req
144. Liz, you should have seen us in there.Copy !req
145. I mean, we were really bonding
We were drawing.Copy !req
146. We were laughing, having a great time,
talking about that Turbo guy.Copy !req
147. Turbo Man. Which reminds me—
You got the doll, right?Copy !req
148. The doll?Copy !req
149. Yeah.
That Turbo Man doll.Copy !req
150. I asked you to
pick one up two weeks ago.Copy !req
151. Oh.Copy !req
152. That doll.
Of course.Copy !req
153. Howard, you didn't. Please tell me
that you did not forget that doll.Copy !req
154. No, no. I-I— I got it.Copy !req
155. I— I got the Turbo Man doll, the one that
has those things that shoot out in front...Copy !req
156. with that rock 'em
sock 'em jet pack...Copy !req
157. and with that realistic voice box
that says, "It's turbo time."Copy !req
158. - I got it.
- Oh, good.Copy !req
159. There you are. I mean,
you thought for a minute...Copy !req
160. that I would not do something
that you tell me?Copy !req
161. I got it right away.Copy !req
162. Good.
Because at this point...Copy !req
163. they'd probably be
impossible to find.Copy !req
164. KQRS, Minneapolis.Copy !req
165. We'll do the rocking
while you fill the stocking.Copy !req
166. Wait. Whoa.
Where you going?Copy !req
167. I just have to run
to the office quickly. That's it.Copy !req
168. Howard, it's Christmas eve.Copy !req
169. You can't be going
to the office.Copy !req
170. I have to pick up the D-O-L-L.Copy !req
171. I left it there by mistake.Copy !req
172. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
173. - All right.
- Bye.Copy !req
174. Dad, you can't go to work today.
What about the parade?Copy !req
175. - The parade?
- The Holiday Wintertainment Parade.
We go every year.Copy !req
176. - Oh.
- Well, you didn't go last year or the year before.Copy !req
177. But Mom and I always go. Anyway,
this year Turbo Man's gonna be there.Copy !req
178. - Yeah. Turbo Man.
- Turbo Man. Yes! It's turbo time.Copy !req
179. Dad, you can't miss it.
It's gonna be really cool.Copy !req
180. I won't miss it.Copy !req
181. I'll be there.
I promise.Copy !req
182. Whoa!Copy !req
183. Whoa!Copy !req
184. - Sorry about that, Howie.
- What's that— a reindeer?Copy !req
185. A little Christmas surprise for Johnny.Copy !req
186. You just think of everything,
don't you, Ted?Copy !req
187. Howard, I'm of the mind-set
you can never do too much...Copy !req
188. to make a child's Christmas magical.Copy !req
189. So what happens to
Blitzen after Christmas?Copy !req
190. I've been watching a family of deer
down by Lake Minnetonka.Copy !req
191. I thought I'd take him
down there and set him free.Copy !req
192. If nature's kind, they'll take him
in like he's one of their own.Copy !req
193. How touching.Copy !req
194. Hey, buddy. How are you?Copy !req
195. - Hey!
- Whoa! That's odd.Copy !req
196. Reindeer are usually
such gentle animals.Copy !req
197. There must be something about you
he doesn't like— aftershave or something.Copy !req
198. Yeah.
All right. Got to go.Copy !req
199. Where you off to so early?Copy !req
200. Picking up a Christmas present
for Jamie.Copy !req
201. Whoa! Nothing like waiting till
the last minute, Howitzer.Copy !req
202. - So, what'd you get him?
- One of those Turbo Mans.Copy !req
203. Oh. That's great.Copy !req
204. I got a Turbo Man
for Johnny months ago.Copy !req
205. It's nestled safely under our tree.Copy !req
206. Good.Copy !req
207. Howard, by the way,
they say it may get icy later.Copy !req
208. You might want to wrap some chains
around those tires.Copy !req
209. Maybe I should wrap
some chains around you.Copy !req
210. What?Copy !req
211. Come on.Copy !req
212. Hey, what are you doing?Copy !req
213. What time you opening up?Copy !req
214. Come on. It's freezing out here.
There's a hundred people...Copy !req
215. Because of two minutes?
Because of two minutes you're not...Copy !req
216. Hey. Give the man a break.
He's a dad trying to get a toy.Copy !req
217. Go ahead. Have cuts, man.
Last-minute shopping, huh?Copy !req
218. - Yeah.
- Enough to drive a man insane, ain't it?Copy !req
219. Myron Larabee.Copy !req
220. Howard Langston.Copy !req
221. See, I have to shop late because
it's the busiest time of year for me.Copy !req
222. All these important Christmas letters
that people send to folks...Copy !req
223. they don't even talk to
but once a year...Copy !req
224. not to mention relatives sending presents
they're going to have to send back anyway.Copy !req
225. How many toiletry kits
does a man need?Copy !req
226. And how about those little, stupid letters
from kids to Santa at the North Pole?Copy !req
227. "Dear Santa,
could you send me a bike and a Slinky?"Copy !req
228. No! Your father's been laid off!Copy !req
229. And as if I didn't have
enough pressure in my life...Copy !req
230. My son sends me out
for some goofy-butt toy...Copy !req
231. some fruity robot
named Turtle Man.Copy !req
232. That's Turbo Man.
My son wants one too.Copy !req
233. You know it's all a ploy,
don't you?Copy !req
234. - A ploy?
- Man, where have you been?Copy !req
235. Don't you watch TV? We are being
set up by rich and powerful toy cartels.Copy !req
236. Oh, come on.Copy !req
237. You got these big fat cats sit there using
working class just like me and you.Copy !req
238. They spend billions of dollars
on TV advertisement...Copy !req
239. and then they sit there and use subliminal
messages to suck your children's minds out!Copy !req
240. I know what I'm talking about because
I went to junior college for a semester...Copy !req
241. And I studied psychology,
so I'm right in there.Copy !req
242. I know what's going on. Then they sit there
and make a kid feel like garbage...Copy !req
243. because you, the father,
who's working 24-7...Copy !req
244. delivering mail so you can make
an alimony payment...Copy !req
245. to a woman that slept with everybody
at the post office but me...Copy !req
246. and then when you get the toy, it breaks, and
you can't fix it because it's cheap plastic!Copy !req
247. Know what I'd like to do?
I'd like to walk up in that office...Copy !req
248. grab one of those guys and just choke him,
choke him until an eye pops out!Copy !req
249. What's the matter with you?Copy !req
250. You shouldn't wear fur.Copy !req
251. Back off. I'm first.Copy !req
252. Turbo Man, you're mine!Copy !req
253. - Move it, move it, move it!
- Whoa!Copy !req
254. Get out my way!
Get out my way!Copy !req
255. Booster?
Who wants Booster?Copy !req
256. The Turbo Man dolls,
they're all gone!Copy !req
257. - There's got to be another one here somewhere.
- There are none here!Copy !req
258. - Excuse me. I'm trying to find a Turbo Man doll.
- Yes?Copy !req
259. - Me too.
- Do you have any more in the back?Copy !req
260. - What?
- What's he laughing about?Copy !req
261. - What did I say?
- These guys are looking for Turbo Man.Copy !req
262. A Turbo Man doll, yes.Copy !req
263. They're looking for Turbo Man.Copy !req
264. Hey, everybody.
These two are looking for a Turbo Man.Copy !req
265. Shut up, man.Copy !req
266. Now what's so funny?Copy !req
267. Where have you guys been?Copy !req
268. Turbo Man's only the hottest selling
Christmas toy ever. Duh!Copy !req
269. But you know what? We got plenty of Turbo
Man's faithful saber-tooth tiger Booster.Copy !req
270. Where's your Christmas spirit?Copy !req
271. That's better.Copy !req
272. Now, there must be a Turbo Man
around here somewhere.Copy !req
273. Uh, duh— The last one just left.Copy !req
274. - Um, some lady had it on layaway.
- A lady? What lady?Copy !req
275. - Uh, uh, sh-short, uh, with a fur coat.
- Fur coat.Copy !req
276. Sorry, buddy.Copy !req
277. - Give me this.
- Hey!Copy !req
278. This is war.Copy !req
279. Whoo!Copy !req
280. Yeah!Copy !req
281. Cool.Copy !req
282. - Oh, poor baby.
- Turbo Man.Copy !req
283. Ah!Copy !req
284. - Excuse me, lady.
- What! What do you want?Copy !req
285. I'm not a robber. I followed you
all the way from the store.Copy !req
286. - Oh, really?
- Yes, really.Copy !req
287. - There's something I wanted to ask you.
- Would you like my phone number?Copy !req
288. Oh, no. I mean, no.
It's, uh, I would like your bag.Copy !req
289. - My bag?
- Yes. I'll offer you twice what you paid for it.Copy !req
290. - Twice?
- Okay, three times.Copy !req
291. - Three times.
- Oh, I get it.Copy !req
292. Oh, sure. What the heck. For that
kind of profit, knock yourself out.Copy !req
293. - Oh, thank you.
- And just in case.Copy !req
294. Here's my phone number.Copy !req
295. Ah.Copy !req
296. Booster?Copy !req
297. I don't want Booster.Copy !req
298. Turbo Man. Hey, lady!Copy !req
299. Hey, hold it. Wait!Copy !req
300. Wait, lady!
I need that Turbo Man!Copy !req
301. Wait!Copy !req
302. Come on!Copy !req
303. - I'm Turbo Man.
- No, I am. You're always Turbo Man.Copy !req
304. Hey, hey, hey.
Cut it out.Copy !req
305. - Hi, Liz.
- Oh, hi, Ted.Copy !req
306. Look at you.Copy !req
307. It's Christmas eve,
and you're slaving over a hot stove.Copy !req
308. - Is this the mom of the year or what?
- It's no big deal.Copy !req
309. And modest too.Copy !req
310. Liz, looks like you could
use a little you time.Copy !req
311. Why don't you go upstairs,
take a shower?Copy !req
312. I'll keep an eye on the boys,
finish up with the cookies.Copy !req
313. - Oh, no—
- Da-da-da. Go on.Copy !req
314. - You deserve it.
- Uh...Copy !req
315. Oh. Well, o-okay,
but listen for the oven timer-Copy !req
316. I know. Sugar cookies.Copy !req
317. - Bake 12-15 minutes till golden brown.
- Yeah.Copy !req
318. Ted's got everything
under control.Copy !req
319. Oh!Copy !req
320. Pipe down in there!Copy !req
321. Merry Christmas. Langston residence.Copy !req
322. Hi, I— Ted?Copy !req
323. Howard! Hey, buddy.
How's it going out there?Copy !req
324. - Everything okay?
- Yeah, fine. Ted, I need to speak to Liz.Copy !req
325. Could you get—Copy !req
326. Howard, excuse me, but your wife's cookies
are out of this world.Copy !req
327. What— Who told you
you could eat my cookies?Copy !req
328. I'm just helping Liz out a little in the
kitchen. She's baking up a storm here.Copy !req
329. Ted, I need to
speak to my wife...Copy !req
330. so could you get her
on the phone, please?Copy !req
331. I think she's in the shower.
Do you want me to go check?Copy !req
332. No!Copy !req
333. I mean, no, that's fine.Copy !req
334. On your way out, just tell her
I will be a few minutes late...Copy !req
335. but she shouldn't worry.Copy !req
336. Oh, she won't worry.
I mean, I'm here, and...Copy !req
337. Mmm! Oh, these cookies!
I got to get the recipe from Liz.Copy !req
338. Put that cookie down!
Now!Copy !req
339. Howard, is there
something bothering you?Copy !req
340. Because this time of year, there's a very
high incidence of stress-related breakdown.Copy !req
341. Oops! There's the next batch. Gotta go, Howard.Copy !req
342. - I'll give Liz your message though. Bye-bye.
- Yeah, but...Copy !req
343. Hey, hey, hey, look who it is!Copy !req
344. - Still on the hunt, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
345. Hey, sorry about whacking you
at the toy store.Copy !req
346. I got caught up in the friendly spirit
of competition.Copy !req
347. That's all right.
Don't worry.Copy !req
348. But I was thinkin',
you'd have done the same thing.Copy !req
349. That's when I realized—you and I,
we're the same kind of person.Copy !req
350. I sort of doubt that.Copy !req
351. I was thinking
about that brouhaha at the toy store...Copy !req
352. I was thinking we could
join up as a team...Copy !req
353. like Starsky and Hutch,
like Jonny Quest and Hadji, man...Copy !req
354. like Bonnie and Clyde
like Ike and Tina...Copy !req
355. Not Ike and Tina, because she left,
but we could do it!Copy !req
356. Search and destroy. Divide and conquer.
Me and you. What do you say?Copy !req
357. Thanks, Myron,
but, no, thank you.Copy !req
358. Come on, man.
Let's do it. Let's be a team!Copy !req
359. Gee, Myron, I think
you're a good guy and all...Copy !req
360. but this I would
like to do by myself.Copy !req
361. You understand, right?Copy !req
362. Oh, yeah, I understand you, man.Copy !req
363. I understand plenty.
I know what's going on here.Copy !req
364. Mr. Wear Your Little Fancy Cashmere Coat
And Your Nice Little Suede Shoes.Copy !req
365. I was good enough to talk to in line,
but I'm not good enough to be on your team!Copy !req
366. See, that's racism! That's what
Jesse Jackson was talking about.Copy !req
367. Good news! They got a late delivery
of Turbo Man at Toy Works! Let's go!Copy !req
368. - Turbo Man!
- Turbo Man!Copy !req
369. Whoa! Whoo, whoo.Copy !req
370. Piece of junk!Copy !req
371. Oh.Copy !req
372. Oh!Copy !req
373. Officer.Copy !req
374. You broke my little mirror.Copy !req
375. License and registration, please.Copy !req
376. Whoo! Is there a problem, Officer?Copy !req
377. Listen up, people.Copy !req
378. To answer your first question—
Yes, the rumors are true.Copy !req
379. We have received a small quantity
of the action figure known as Turbo Man.Copy !req
380. Yes!Copy !req
381. I am not going to ask you people to
be quiet again! Do you hear me?Copy !req
382. Here's how things
are gonna work.Copy !req
383. You will form an orderly line so that an
employee can hand you a numbered ball.Copy !req
384. These balls will then be drawn in a standard
lottery fashion to see who gets a doll.Copy !req
385. If you're not
one of the lucky few...Copy !req
386. We have plenty of Turbo Man's
faithful pet tiger Booster in stock.Copy !req
387. We don't want it!
We don't want it!Copy !req
388. And by the way, in accordance
with the laws of supply and demand...Copy !req
389. The new list price
on each figure just doubled.Copy !req
390. What? That's against the law, buddy!Copy !req
391. Hey, give me a ball!Copy !req
392. Give me that ball!Copy !req
393. I got it! I got it!Copy !req
394. - He maced me!
- I got it! I got it!Copy !req
395. I got it! I got it! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.Copy !req
396. He got two!
He got two!Copy !req
397. - Get the mailman!
- What? No!Copy !req
398. - Get him!
- He's lying. He's lying.Copy !req
399. That's my ball!
Rodney King. Rodney King.Copy !req
400. Ah.Copy !req
401. Hey!Copy !req
402. Hey!Copy !req
403. This is my ball!
Yeah. Stay.Copy !req
404. Hi, little girl.Copy !req
405. Look what
I've got for you— a shiny red ball.Copy !req
406. Do you want to trade?Copy !req
407. No, no!
Just give me the ball. I got it. Ow!Copy !req
408. - Sicko! Pervert!
- Ow!Copy !req
409. - Get your hands off my kid!
- I need the ball. I need that toy!Copy !req
410. Stop! Stop hitting me! I'm innocent!Copy !req
411. No!Copy !req
412. Get out of here!
You wacko!Copy !req
413. I need that ball.Copy !req
414. - Pervert!
- I'm not a pervert.Copy !req
415. I just was looking
for a Turbo Man doll.Copy !req
416. Hey. Psst.
Buddy, come here. Come here.Copy !req
417. You want a Turbo Man for Christmas?Copy !req
418. Forget it.
I'm not gonna sit on your lap.Copy !req
419. Hey, chief, that's not my bag. Get it?Copy !req
420. But, you know, little boy
with your attitude...Copy !req
421. I don't think
I want to give you access to this.Copy !req
422. Tony, show him.Copy !req
423. That was taken this morning.Copy !req
424. How do I know this is not
some kind of a scam?Copy !req
425. Forget it, Tony.
This guy doesn't want our help.Copy !req
426. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, guys.
- Merry Christmas.Copy !req
427. We're all businessmen. I'm sure we can
work out some sort of an agreement.Copy !req
428. - You got the cash, we got the doll.
- How much?Copy !req
429. Ho, ho, ho, ho!Copy !req
430. Merry Christmas Ho, ho, ho!Copy !req
431. A merry Christmas to you, Officer.
What are you, crazy?Copy !req
432. Santa never delivers a gift out
in broad daylight.Copy !req
433. Excuse me. I may be wrong,
but you are not the real Santa Claus.Copy !req
434. Really?Copy !req
435. And you're not the kind of guy
who's got enough foresight...Copy !req
436. to get his kid a Turbo Man
before Christmas eve, are you?Copy !req
437. Hey, show a little respect
for the suit, huh?Copy !req
438. - Yeah.
- Now, you want that doll or not?Copy !req
439. We've been driving around
now for 20 minutes. How much longer?Copy !req
440. - Name isn't Buddy. It's Santa.
- Fine, Santa.Copy !req
441. - Thank you.
- But it's getting late.Copy !req
442. I've got a parade to go to...Copy !req
443. and I've yet to see a sign
of that supposed Turbo Man doll.Copy !req
444. Meanwhile, all this time, my "in touch
with his feminine side" neighbor...Copy !req
445. He's busy attacking
my wife's cookies, all right!Copy !req
446. Hey, spare me the details
of your twisted life, pal. Okay?Copy !req
447. Hey, yo, is this genuine leather?Copy !req
448. - Don't touch anything back there.
- Hey!Copy !req
449. That's Santa's helper!Copy !req
450. You wanna see the doll,
don't you?Copy !req
451. Up here.Copy !req
452. Oh, I love this time of year.Copy !req
453. Christmas carols,
snowflakes, Santa Clauses.Copy !req
454. - Now what?
- What are you, Dan Rather?
What is this, 60 Minutes?Copy !req
455. What are you,
the question king, huh? Chill.Copy !req
456. All right. Keep your hands
where I can see 'em.Copy !req
457. Password.Copy !req
458. Jingle bells, Batman smells.Copy !req
459. I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
460. Oh, no. You have no idea.Copy !req
461. Tony, get the man his Turbo Man.Copy !req
462. Got it.Copy !req
463. I gotta tell you, Santa...Copy !req
464. there is something here
that doesn't seem quite, uh, kosher?Copy !req
465. - Kosher?
- Yeah.Copy !req
466. This coming from a guy who assaulted
a toddler for a SuperBall?Copy !req
467. Listen, bub,
we provide a service here.Copy !req
468. We're not doing this for us.
We're doing this for the kids.Copy !req
469. - For the kids?
- For every kid who ever sat down on Santa's lap...Copy !req
470. for every little girl who left cookies
and milk for Santa on Christmas night...Copy !req
471. for every little boy who opens
a present Christmas morning...Copy !req
472. and finds clothes instead of toys.Copy !req
473. - Aw.
- Have you ever heard that song...Copy !req
474. "The Little Boy
That Santa Claus Forgot"?Copy !req
475. No. I can't say that I have.Copy !req
476. Please...Copy !req
477. Very moving.Copy !req
478. There it is.Copy !req
479. Ah! That will be 300.Copy !req
480. Dollars?Copy !req
481. No. Chocolate kisses.
Yes, dollars!Copy !req
482. I can't believe this. Whatever happened
to your lofty ideals, huh?Copy !req
483. I thought you were doing
all this for the kids.Copy !req
484. Sure, but I don't see why we can't pick up
a little loose change in the process.Copy !req
485. Take it. Count it.Copy !req
486. Put it in the safe this time.Copy !req
487. Don't open that up!
No, no, no.Copy !req
488. ¡Ces el tiempo
del hombre de turbo!Copy !req
489. Oh, well, that's the multilingual version.Copy !req
490. It's fun and educational.Copy !req
491. I wouldn't...Copy !req
492. Uh, well, of course,
there's some assembly required.Copy !req
493. - Let me get that for you.
- Just put it back in the box and just go...Copy !req
494. - Here. Give me the money back.
- Ah-ah-ah. Whoa!Copy !req
495. All sales are final.Copy !req
496. You know what you guys are?Copy !req
497. Nothing but a bunch
of sleazy con men in red suits.Copy !req
498. What did you call us?Copy !req
499. You heard me right—
Con men, thieves...Copy !req
500. degenerates, lowlifes,
thugs, criminals!Copy !req
501. In the North Pole, them are
fighting words, partner. Put 'em up.Copy !req
502. Relax, buddy.
I'm not about to hit a Santa Claus.Copy !req
503. Come on. Come on.
What are you, chicken? Chick, chick, chick.Copy !req
504. Chick, chick, chick, chick, chick, chick,
chick, chick, chick!Copy !req
505. Get him.Copy !req
506. Shut up.Copy !req
507. Yeah!Copy !req
508. I'm gonna deck your halls, bub.Copy !req
509. Oh, man.Copy !req
510. Oh!Copy !req
511. No!Copy !req
512. Little buddy.Copy !req
513. You naughty boy!Copy !req
514. - Get him! Get him!
- Who's gonna be next?Copy !req
515. Dog pile! Yeah!Copy !req
516. It's the Grinch! Scatter!Copy !req
517. Hey! Hey, who are you? Huh?Copy !req
518. Hey.Copy !req
519. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
520. This must be the sloppiest bust I've ever
seen in my entire career on the force.Copy !req
521. Detective Howard Lang—
Undercover.Copy !req
522. I have been working on this case
for the last three years...Copy !req
523. and you guys come barging in here...Copy !req
524. like a bunch of terrorists
at a tea party.Copy !req
525. Wait till the commissioner
finds out about this.Copy !req
526. He is going to hit the roof.Copy !req
527. - Now get your act together
and arrest someone. Go!
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
528. I'm not going back to the joint,
do you hear?Copy !req
529. All right, put them
in a van and lock 'em up.Copy !req
530. Come on!Copy !req
531. Come on! Not now!Copy !req
532. You're so considerate, bringing
all this holiday cheer to the neighborhood.Copy !req
533. Christmas comes but once a year.Copy !req
534. You're an amazing man, Ted.Copy !req
535. I wish every husband
were more like you.Copy !req
536. Thanks.
We should get together and swap recipes.Copy !req
537. - What's the reindeer's name?
- I named him Ted after my dad.Copy !req
538. Your dad is so cool.
I wish my dad did stuff like this.Copy !req
539. Oh, he never used to,
not till he and my mom split up.Copy !req
540. - Really?
- Hey! Maybe your parents should get a divorce.Copy !req
541. Did wonders for my dad.Copy !req
542. Jamie!Copy !req
543. Hot chocolate?Copy !req
544. - Hello?
- Jamie, how are you doing, old buddy?Copy !req
545. Hi, Dad!
I knew you'd call!Copy !req
546. Hey, listen,
let me talk to your mother.Copy !req
547. - You can't.
- Why not?Copy !req
548. She's next door petting Ted.Copy !req
549. - She's what?
- Listen, Dad, are you on your way?Copy !req
550. The parade's gonna start soon.Copy !req
551. Jamie, get your mother, please.Copy !req
552. - Well, are you?
- Am I what?Copy !req
553. - Coming home soon.
- Yes, immediately! Now please get your mother!Copy !req
554. 'Cause, Dad, before you left...Copy !req
555. you promised that you were
gonna be at the parade.Copy !req
556. You haven't been here all day,
so you can't miss it.Copy !req
557. Jamie, please.Copy !req
558. 'Cause, Dad, when someone makes
a promise, they definitely should keep it.Copy !req
559. You know, it's like
what Turbo Man says:Copy !req
560. "Always keep your promises
if you want to keep your friends."Copy !req
561. Enough! Enough of
this Turbo Man, okay?Copy !req
562. I had it up to here
with this Turbo Man!Copy !req
563. If there's anyone I don't want to have
advice from right now, it's Turbo Man!Copy !req
564. Now get your mother!Copy !req
565. I'm sorry, Jamie.
Look, I didn't mean...Copy !req
566. What would you know about keeping your
promises? You never keep your promises!Copy !req
567. You never do anything
you say you're gonna do!Copy !req
568. Ever!Copy !req
569. Damn you, Howard.Copy !req
570. Here you go, my man.
This will warm you up.Copy !req
571. - Thanks.
- Cheers.Copy !req
572. You?Copy !req
573. Peace!
'Tis the season to be jolly.Copy !req
574. Yeah.Copy !req
575. Any luck in finding that doll?Copy !req
576. - No.
- Me neither.Copy !req
577. Maybe this will help.Copy !req
578. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
579. So I couldn't find
the kid a doll.Copy !req
580. - Does that make me a bad father? No.
- Nah.Copy !req
581. But yelling at him
for no good reason?Copy !req
582. Now, that makes me a bad father.Copy !req
583. Look, we get one chance a year to prove
we're not screwups.Copy !req
584. And what do we do?
We screw it up.Copy !req
585. I remember a few years ago...Copy !req
586. I wanted to do something really
special for Jamie.Copy !req
587. So, I built him
his own clubhouse.Copy !req
588. It came out great.Copy !req
589. Oh, it— Well, I mean, the door
was a little crooked, right?Copy !req
590. And the roof didn't
sit quite straight...Copy !req
591. but you should have
seen his face light up.Copy !req
592. Oh, when he saw that,
he was so excited.Copy !req
593. We played in that clubhouse
the entire day.Copy !req
594. - He even made us have Christmas dinner in it.
- No!Copy !req
595. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
596. I was the hero then.Copy !req
597. Look at me now.Copy !req
598. You're right. That kid's gonna need
some serious therapy, man.Copy !req
599. - Oh, don't say that.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
600. I know what I'm talking about.Copy !req
601. See, I never forgave my father.Copy !req
602. I remember one Christmas,
I wanted this one special toy-Copy !req
603. a Johnny Seven O.M.A. gun.Copy !req
604. - You remember those, don't you?
- No.Copy !req
605. I still remember the commercial
like it was yesterday.Copy !req
606. Two kids playing
out in the backyard.Copy !req
607. "Johnny to Peter. Johnny to Peter.
Enemy sighted."Copy !req
608. "Roger there!
Open fire!"Copy !req
609. And then Johnny would whip out his
Johnny Seven O.M.A. one-man-army gun.Copy !req
610. Seven guns in one— count 'em!Copy !req
611. One— it's a grenade launcher.Copy !req
612. Two— it's an anti-armor gun.Copy !req
613. Three— it's an antitank gun. I
see ya, buddy.Copy !req
614. Four— it's a rifle.Copy !req
615. Five— it was a tommy gun.Copy !req
616. Six-it's an anti-aircraft gun.Copy !req
617. Just in case somebody survived,
seven was a cap-firing pistol.Copy !req
618. Thing looked like a blast.Copy !req
619. But— Of course,
for my old man...Copy !req
620. Christmas was just
another opportunity to let me down.Copy !req
621. I never did get
that Johnny Seven O.M.A.Copy !req
622. Sorry to hear that.Copy !req
623. Hey, don't mean nothin'.Copy !req
624. You ever heard of a guy
named Scott Sherman?Copy !req
625. Yeah. C.E.O.
of Sherman Industries.Copy !req
626. He was my old neighbor...Copy !req
627. and his dad got him
a Johnny Seven O.M.A. gun.Copy !req
628. You know what happened?Copy !req
629. He became a billionaire.Copy !req
630. And me? Well—Copy !req
631. I'm just a loser with no future.Copy !req
632. Here's to you, Dad.Copy !req
633. I can't let this happen.Copy !req
634. It's just a doll.Copy !req
635. It's just a stupid little plastic doll!Copy !req
636. Uh-uh-uh.
That's "action figure."Copy !req
637. There's got to be one
around here somewhere!Copy !req
638. You say you've been looking
everywhere for a Turbo Man doll?Copy !req
639. Yes.Copy !req
640. You say you'd do just about anything
to get your hands on one?Copy !req
641. - Yes, yes.
- Well, KQRS has good news for you.Copy !req
642. If you're the first caller to correctly
identify all eight of Santa's reindeer...Copy !req
643. you will be the winner of the hottest toy
since Johnny Seven O.M.A.Copy !req
644. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,
Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen. All right.Copy !req
645. It's easy.
Just call 555-KQRS.Copy !req
646. - No!
- I don't think so, buddy!Copy !req
647. My arm!Copy !req
648. Give me the phone!Copy !req
649. - Give me the phone!
- There you are!Copy !req
650. Comet, Cupid, Prancer-Copy !req
651. - KQRS. Hello.
- Okay, I got the answer!Copy !req
652. No, you don't!Copy !req
653. You!Copy !req
654. - Why did you do that? I got through!
- 911! 911!Copy !req
655. - I got through!
- Help!Copy !req
656. Hey, look, you guys, the radio station's
just two blocks down on Wabasha.Copy !req
657. I got the... answer!Copy !req
658. I got the answer!Copy !req
659. Bye-bye. Sorry.Copy !req
660. Oh, he barked up the wrong tree!Copy !req
661. Oh, I can run like this for miles!Copy !req
662. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer,
Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!Copy !req
663. Ha, ha!Copy !req
664. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer,
Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!Copy !req
665. Ha, ha! I'm having
a good time! Bye!Copy !req
666. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen...Copy !req
667. Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!Copy !req
668. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen.Copy !req
669. KQRS. You're on the air.Copy !req
670. - Dasher, Dancer—
- Uh, Randy, Jermaine, Tito—Copy !req
671. Nope, not even close. Sorry.Copy !req
672. - Maybe this will put us in the mood—
- I got the answer!Copy !req
673. Let me in! Let me in!
I got the answer!Copy !req
674. Come on! I got the answer!
Yes, I got the answer!Copy !req
675. Come on.
Open up! Open up!Copy !req
676. Yeah, I got a madman
in my studio, and— Help me!Copy !req
677. - You can't just—
- Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,
Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!Copy !req
678. - What?
- You see, I couldn't get through on the phone.Copy !req
679. - Did I win?
- Oh, no, it's not that simple!Copy !req
680. - No, it's-Wait, wait, wait!
- You're too late!Copy !req
681. I've already got the right answer!
I won! Yeah!Copy !req
682. I don't need the right answer
to win! I got this!Copy !req
683. - And what's that?
- This, Mr. Track Star,
is a homemade explosive device!Copy !req
684. - A bomb?
- Good Lordy!Copy !req
685. Yes, in layman's terms-a bomb!
So back up!Copy !req
686. - You built a bomb?
- I didn't have to build a bomb.
Don't you read the news?Copy !req
687. Hundreds of these things come
through the mail every day.Copy !req
688. I just kept one
in case I ever needed it.Copy !req
689. So give me the doll, or I'm gonna
blow up everybody in this place!Copy !req
690. Are you out of your mind?
Put this thing away! This is not worth it!Copy !req
691. Maybe not to you, but to me it is.
So back up!Copy !req
692. Myron!
Come on, old buddy.Copy !req
693. Give me the package, all right?
Come on.Copy !req
694. - Did you call me buddy?
- Yeah.Copy !req
695. I am not your buddy! I tried to be your
teammate! I wanted to be your friend!Copy !req
696. - But no! You had other plans for Myron Larabee!
- No, I had no plans.Copy !req
697. You were no different than
the rest of those civilians...Copy !req
698. those common letter writers who make fun of
my kneesocks and my safari hat in the summer!Copy !req
699. Are you laughing at me?Copy !req
700. - Huh?
- Oh, no! Lord, no. No, not at all.Copy !req
701. Mr. Ponytail Man, I know you!
I know your kind!Copy !req
702. You're the kind that puts
the trash can in front of the mailbox...Copy !req
703. so I have to get out
of my Jeep, don't you?Copy !req
704. - No, not true! I recycle!
- Shut up!Copy !req
705. That's right! Shut up!
Why do you think the window's there?Copy !req
706. So I can just put the mail in there!
But you act like everything's okay!Copy !req
707. "Hey, Mr. Mailman!"
Like I have no feelings of my own!Copy !req
708. - Hit the deck!
- Oh!Copy !req
709. Ooh! Ooh!Copy !req
710. Look, I'm— I'm sorry.Copy !req
711. I've been under pressure
since this Zip+4 thing.Copy !req
712. - You twisted—
- Don't hit me! I got sickle cell!Copy !req
713. - Don't hit me!
- Excuse me. Gentlemen.Copy !req
714. Are you two under the impression...Copy !req
715. that I have a Turbo Man doll
here in the studio?Copy !req
716. - Yes.
- That's what you said on the radio.Copy !req
717. - Oh, no. No, no. No, no, no, no.
- Yes, you did.Copy !req
718. What I actually said was whoever
won would get a doll eventually.Copy !req
719. You see, what we have here...Copy !req
720. Ha! Oh! Is a gift certificate.Copy !req
721. - A gift certificate?
- Right.Copy !req
722. As soon as they get some in the stores-Copy !req
723. - Did you call the cops?
- Well— kinda.Copy !req
724. Let's get outta here.
But I'm going first, buddy!Copy !req
725. Better luck next time, loser.Copy !req
726. - Freeze!
- Hey! Hey!Copy !req
727. Hey, guys!Copy !req
728. Just can't stay
out of trouble, can you?Copy !req
729. You wouldn't want to hurt
a fellow civil servant, would you?Copy !req
730. What's all this violence? It's Christmas.Copy !req
731. I was just delivering
some Christmas-Hey!Copy !req
732. Back up! This is a homemade
explosive device! And I'll blow it up!Copy !req
733. Know why? 'Cause I work for the post
office! So you know I'm not stable!Copy !req
734. Tell them!Copy !req
735. This man is totally insane.Copy !req
736. Thank you!
Now put the guns down. Now!Copy !req
737. Put them down!
Brother man, put your gun down!Copy !req
738. Everybody!
You, too, Barnaby Jones.Copy !req
739. All right, just stay there.Copy !req
740. And I'll know if you move,
'cause I have the ears of a snake!Copy !req
741. Ciao, baby.Copy !req
742. - Oh, you shouldn't mess with that.
- Relax, Sparky.Copy !req
743. I was on the bomb squad
for 10 years.Copy !req
744. I'm the man! I'm the man!Copy !req
745. Gentlemen, we've been duped.Copy !req
746. This is nothing but a harmless
Christmas package.Copy !req
747. That was really a bomb?Copy !req
748. This is a sick world we're living in.
Sick people!Copy !req
749. How many years
on the bomb squad?Copy !req
750. Liz, honey...Copy !req
751. I did everything within my power
to get the doll for Jamie.Copy !req
752. But look, I got a gift certificate,
which is just as good.Copy !req
753. Eh! Too happy.Copy !req
754. - Show a little emotion.
- Emotions.Copy !req
755. Oh, Liz, I'm so sorry
I didn't get one.Copy !req
756. I failed as a husband,
and I failed as a father.Copy !req
757. Could you ever forgive me?
Please?Copy !req
758. Why don't you just put on a dress
and weep like a little girl?Copy !req
759. That son of a...Copy !req
760. - What are you doing?
- Your star wasn't up.Copy !req
761. It's Christmas eve.
You've gotta have your star up.Copy !req
762. I'm out all day...Copy !req
763. and he's in my house...Copy !req
764. putting up my star on my tree.Copy !req
765. I got a Turbo Man for Johnny months ago.Copy !req
766. It's nestled safely under our tree.Copy !req
767. Nestled safely under our tree.Copy !req
768. Safely under our tree.Copy !req
769. I'll show him. Ha!Copy !req
770. Oh, I-I'm sorry, Ted,
but that's Howard's job.Copy !req
771. He always puts the star on.
He's adamant about it.Copy !req
772. Too bad he's not as adamant...Copy !req
773. about spending time
with his family on Christmas eve.Copy !req
774. It's turbo time!Copy !req
775. Liz, do you hear that?
Carolers!Copy !req
776. Let's go! Come on!Copy !req
777. What am I doing?Copy !req
778. Look at me.Copy !req
779. Stealing from a kid?Copy !req
780. I can't do this.Copy !req
781. You're gonna go back.Copy !req
782. Nice doggy.Copy !req
783. Nice.Copy !req
784. Oh!Copy !req
785. No!Copy !req
786. Oh.Copy !req
787. Balthazar.Copy !req
788. - Howard?
- Hi.Copy !req
789. Uh-oh. Uh!Copy !req
790. What are you doing?Copy !req
791. - I, uh—
- What's that?Copy !req
792. Oh.Copy !req
793. You can always count on me.Copy !req
794. - That is Johnny's Turbo Man.
- What?Copy !req
795. - It's not what you think it is.
- Oh, it isn't? Really?Copy !req
796. Then do tell me what it is
because as far as I know...Copy !req
797. you got Jamie his own
Turbo Man weeks ago.Copy !req
798. What it looks like is that you've broken
into our neighbor's house...Copy !req
799. and you're stealing presents
from under the tree.Copy !req
800. Liz, if you just give me a second,
I could explain it to you.Copy !req
801. I know parts of this are going
to sound completely ridiculous...Copy !req
802. but let me tell you the truth.Copy !req
803. Howard, I've been listening to your version
of the truth for far too long now...Copy !req
804. and honestly,
I don't want to anymore.Copy !req
805. All I want is to salvage
what's left of Christmas eve...Copy !req
806. and go to the parade
with my son.Copy !req
807. Liz, please.Copy !req
808. - Ted, would you drive us?
- Of course.Copy !req
809. You can't bench-press your way
out of this one.Copy !req
810. Oh, God.Copy !req
811. You picked the wrong day.Copy !req
812. Uh!Copy !req
813. Oh. You started it.Copy !req
814. Mom, do you think
Dad's gonna be at the parade?Copy !req
815. I wouldn't count on it, honey.Copy !req
816. Hey, Turbo Man's gonna be there.Copy !req
817. You can always count on him.Copy !req
818. Hey, Rudolph, can I buy you
another round?Copy !req
819. Here.Copy !req
820. Sorry, buddy,
but you're on your own.Copy !req
821. It's time I start
keeping my promises.Copy !req
822. There. You see?Copy !req
823. Well, it looks like
it's that time of year again...Copy !req
824. The 12th annual Holiday
Wintertainment Parade.Copy !req
825. I'm weatherman Gale Force here
with the lovely Liza Tisch of A.M. Live.Copy !req
826. Merry Christmas, Gale.Copy !req
827. We're high atop Channel 29's
parade central...Copy !req
828. to keep you updated on all
of this year's parade action.Copy !req
829. - Let's watch—
- And listen.Copy !req
830. The parade's already started!Copy !req
831. Hey, Dad, there's Owen
and his dad.Copy !req
832. Can we get out and stand with them
while you park the car?Copy !req
833. - Please? Please? Please?
- Yeah, please? Please?Copy !req
834. - Okay.
- Okay. We'll meet you there.Copy !req
835. Yes! Yeah!Copy !req
836. - And don't go wandering off.
- Okay, Mom.Copy !req
837. - And, Jamie, put on your hat.
- I know.Copy !req
838. Owen! Owen!Copy !req
839. All right, kids. Come on.Copy !req
840. Oh, wow!Copy !req
841. - Check it out!
- You see Turbo Man?Copy !req
842. - Nah. They're saving him for last.
- Ah.Copy !req
843. Oh! This is awesome.Copy !req
844. Cat in the Hat!Copy !req
845. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
846. Couldn't you just take Fourth Street?Copy !req
847. Sorry, pal. All the roads are packed.
Everybody's trying to get to the parade.Copy !req
848. - You know, Turbo Man's gonna be there.
- I know.Copy !req
849. Go ahead.
Come on. Let's move it up.Copy !req
850. Liz, I'm sorry you had
to go through that back there.Copy !req
851. Here. Have some
nonalcoholic eggnog.Copy !req
852. Oh. I'll be fine.Copy !req
853. You can't hide
your feelings from me.Copy !req
854. Go on. Let it out.
Get it out of your system.Copy !req
855. No, really, Ted. I'm okay.Copy !req
856. I don't think so.Copy !req
857. Liz, you're like a lost
and frightened foal.Copy !req
858. I can see it in your eyes.Copy !req
859. Don't worry. Ted's here.Copy !req
860. That's... very sweet.Copy !req
861. - You deserve better, Lizzie.
- Lizzie?Copy !req
862. Someone you can talk to,
a shoulder to cry on.Copy !req
863. It's useless, Liz.
We can't hide our feelings any longer.Copy !req
864. Feelings?Copy !req
865. You know, Liz, I don't have to tell you,
I'm a very eligible bachelor.Copy !req
866. There are lots of women who would give
anything to be in your position right now.Copy !req
867. Well, I'm a lucky, lucky girl.Copy !req
868. For me, it all started
months ago...Copy !req
869. at your Labor Day barbecue,
remember?Copy !req
870. And you asked me how
to marinate ahi tuna...Copy !req
871. and I said, "All you need
is Italian salad dressing."Copy !req
872. You!Copy !req
873. Come here.
Stop that man!Copy !req
874. Enough talking.Copy !req
875. Ow!Copy !req
876. Well, that didn't exactly
go as well as I'd hoped.Copy !req
877. You! Who are you?
Are you the guy?Copy !req
878. - Huh?
- Oh, thank God. Hey, we got him, people!Copy !req
879. Okay. Okay, listen up.
We're running late here, so pay attention.Copy !req
880. You already read
the instruction manual we sent you...Copy !req
881. so you know all about
all the important controls.Copy !req
882. - Let me just go over a couple of the changes.
- What changes?Copy !req
883. There are three cutoff valves
to the nitro fuel.Copy !req
884. - What are you talk-
- Here, here and hereCopy !req
885. The normal reading on the pressure gauge
should read anywhere below 50.Copy !req
886. - But I—
- Not 70 like we told you earlier.Copy !req
887. - The emergency cutoff switch is here.
- But you don't understand.Copy !req
888. The primary controls are gonna be right here.Copy !req
889. And there's also a microphone
inside the helmet...Copy !req
890. that will alter your voice
to the proper tonality.Copy !req
891. - Procedure-wise— same as we
talked about over the phone.
- Procedure?Copy !req
892. - Stick to that, there shouldn't
be any problems. Questions?
- Yes.Copy !req
893. Before you say anything, let me just take
a moment and speak for everyone...Copy !req
894. when I thank you for filling in
for Pete on such short notice.Copy !req
895. It was a total freak accident
what happened at rehearsal.Copy !req
896. - We're confident we got all the kinks
worked out of the system.
- Accident?Copy !req
897. You should know the doctor said Pete actually
showed some brain activity this morning.Copy !req
898. Yeah! That's a really good sign.Copy !req
899. Move it out, people!Copy !req
900. Finally! Where the hell
have you been?Copy !req
901. Geez! I've been sweating like a dog
in a Chinese restaurant...Copy !req
902. waiting for your sorry ass
to show up.Copy !req
903. Well, it's show time.Copy !req
904. I know you. You're Booster.Copy !req
905. Yeah, and who the hell do you think
you are-Mary Poppins?Copy !req
906. Come on! Come on!
Let's go! Let's do it!Copy !req
907. - Go! Go! Go!
- Wait a minute. Let's talk about this.Copy !req
908. Have a great show.Copy !req
909. And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for.Copy !req
910. Here he is, boys and girls,
live and in person...Copy !req
911. Turbo Man!Copy !req
912. WowCopy !req
913. Wave, you idiot! Wave!Copy !req
914. Wave?Copy !req
915. Yes.Copy !req
916. This is cool.Copy !req
917. - Yeah! Whoo!
- Look, Mom. It's Turbo Man.Copy !req
918. I can get into this.Copy !req
919. Liza, in a few
moments, Turbo Man himself...Copy !req
920. will select a special child
from our audience.Copy !req
921. That little boy or
girl will be the lucky winner...Copy !req
922. of a special edition Turbo Man doll.Copy !req
923. Aw, man! Awesome!Copy !req
924. Hey! You're supposed
to be holding this!Copy !req
925. Oh.Copy !req
926. Yes!Copy !req
927. - Hey, rock star. Better be on your toes.
- Yeah?Copy !req
928. - Dementor's gonna be jumping on the float.
- Who?Copy !req
929. Oh, what's he doing?
Look, would you pick a kid already?Copy !req
930. Pick a kid?Copy !req
931. Pick a kid so he can come up here
and get his prize!Copy !req
932. - Pick me, Turbo Man!
- Over here!Copy !req
933. Turbo Man! Turbo Man!Copy !req
934. Pick me! Pick me!
Over here!Copy !req
935. - He's looking at me.
- Here! No. He's looking at me!Copy !req
936. - See that? He's pointing at me.
- Nah, it's me!Copy !req
937. - Me! Me!
- Me! Me!Copy !req
938. - Me!
- Me!Copy !req
939. Jamie!Copy !req
940. He knows my name.Copy !req
941. Liza, I think Turbo Man
has selected a winner.Copy !req
942. Go ahead.
Go ahead, honey. Go.Copy !req
943. Go, Jamie!Copy !req
944. Merry Christmas, Jamie.Copy !req
945. Wow. How did you know my name?Copy !req
946. Well, Jamie, you see,
I'm your fa...Copy !req
947. Oh, no, kids!
It's Turbo Man's archenemy— Dementor!Copy !req
948. Oh, shut up!Copy !req
949. - Shut up!
- Was that in the script?Copy !req
950. All right, kid. Give me the doll,
and nobody gets hurt.Copy !req
951. - Myron?
- That's right, Turtle Man.Copy !req
952. Thought you could outsmart me,
didn't you, huh?Copy !req
953. Thought your little
suit idea was so slick.Copy !req
954. But you know what?
I'm one step ahead of you...Copy !req
955. Because I've got a bigger brain.Copy !req
956. Just stay here.Copy !req
957. Come on, Myron.
You're taking this too far.Copy !req
958. Hey, I'm not going home
without that doll!Copy !req
959. Hey, buddy!
This ain't the way we rehearsed it!Copy !req
960. You know what?
Nobody likes you, Booster.Copy !req
961. Whoa!Copy !req
962. - We don't like you, Booster!
- We hate you, Booster!Copy !req
963. Hey, where do you think you're going, kid?Copy !req
964. Come back here, my little pretty-
and your little doll too!Copy !req
965. - Hey, Myron! Leave the kid alone!
- Gotcha!Copy !req
966. Ta-ta, Turtle Man.Copy !req
967. Uh-oh, Liza. It looks like Dementor
has beaten Turbo Man.Copy !req
968. Oh, no, Gale. This could be
the end of civilization as we know it.Copy !req
969. - Do something, Turbo Man! Use your turbo discs!
- My what?Copy !req
970. On your arm!Copy !req
971. Hey, Myron! I have
a special delivery for you.Copy !req
972. - Huh?
- Hah!Copy !req
973. All right!Copy !req
974. Yeah!Copy !req
975. Oh! It appears that Turbo Man
has saved the day.Copy !req
976. I'm going to take you
back to your mom, okay?Copy !req
977. Go! Go! Demon Team!Copy !req
978. It's the Demon Team—
Dementor's evil henchmen!Copy !req
979. - What you gonna do now, kid?
- Hyah!Copy !req
980. - What about my son?
- Don't you know the choreography?Copy !req
981. - Mom!
- Jamie!Copy !req
982. I ain't through with you, kid!Copy !req
983. Get out of my way, box!Copy !req
984. - That's it!
- Come here! I'm sorry I hollered.Copy !req
985. Get out of my way!
Get out of my way!Copy !req
986. Get out of my way!
Come here, boy!Copy !req
987. Get that popcorn out my face!Copy !req
988. - Come on!
- Go ahead! Go ahead!Copy !req
989. You know what, kid?
You need a time-out.Copy !req
990. - Jamie!
- Don't worry, ma'am. It's all part of the show.Copy !req
991. - Please. Get back up on the sidewalk.
- That's my son up there!Copy !req
992. Oh! He's wonderful!Copy !req
993. He's not part of the show!Copy !req
994. I'm scared of heights.Copy !req
995. You ever see the movie Vertigo?
That mean anything to you?Copy !req
996. - Let's get this guy!
- What are you doing?Copy !req
997. Oh!Copy !req
998. Look. Uncle Myron
wants to talk to you.Copy !req
999. All right, kid!
End of the line!Copy !req
1000. - Just give me the doll!
- Never!Copy !req
1001. Fly! Fly, Turbo Man!
Use your jet pack!Copy !req
1002. It's turbo time!Copy !req
1003. - Wow!
- Whoa!Copy !req
1004. I think I'm getting
the hang of this!Copy !req
1005. - Turbo Man! Help!
- Jamie! I got you!Copy !req
1006. Jamie! Uh!
Out of my way!Copy !req
1007. Let us pray.Copy !req
1008. What the...Copy !req
1009. Whoa!Copy !req
1010. Ha, ha! I got you, kid.Copy !req
1011. Just give me the doll, kid!Copy !req
1012. Get up! Get up!Copy !req
1013. Turbo Man! Use your turbo-rang!Copy !req
1014. Come on!Copy !req
1015. Ha, ha! Missed me!Copy !req
1016. - Oh!
- Ha, ha! Victory is mine!Copy !req
1017. V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!Copy !req
1018. Yeah!Copy !req
1019. Yeah!Copy !req
1020. Wow!Copy !req
1021. I got it! I got one!Copy !req
1022. I finally got one!Copy !req
1023. - Turbo Man! Help!
- Jamie!Copy !req
1024. - Gotcha!
- Yes!Copy !req
1025. Thanks, Turbo Man.
I knew you'd save me.Copy !req
1026. You can always count on me.Copy !req
1027. Awesome!Copy !req
1028. Here you go, ma'am.Copy !req
1029. Mom! Did you see that?Copy !req
1030. I was flying with Turbo Man!
He saved me from Dementor!Copy !req
1031. It was the coolest!
Did you see it? Did you?Copy !req
1032. I saw. I saw.Copy !req
1033. Oh, thank you, sir. I don't think you know
how much he means to me.Copy !req
1034. Oh, I think I have an idea.Copy !req
1035. What's the matter, Jame?Copy !req
1036. It's just-I wish that Dad
could have been here, you know?Copy !req
1037. To see me fly and all.Copy !req
1038. But he didn't come
and it's all my fault.Copy !req
1039. He's mad at me.
We had a fight on the phone...Copy !req
1040. and I kind of yelled at him.Copy !req
1041. Jamie, your dad
is not mad at you.Copy !req
1042. He loves you more than anything
in the whole wide world.Copy !req
1043. You're his all-time
favorite person.Copy !req
1044. How do you know all that?Copy !req
1045. Well, who would know
better than me?Copy !req
1046. - Dad?
- Howard?Copy !req
1047. - I'm right here.
- Howard!Copy !req
1048. Oh, Liz, you two mean more to me
than anything.Copy !req
1049. I'm so sorry if I haven't
shown that lately.Copy !req
1050. I know I've been
neglecting both of you.Copy !req
1051. But no more.Copy !req
1052. I love you.
I love you both.Copy !req
1053. - Johnny, what's goin' on here?
- Look! Jamie's dad is Turbo Man!Copy !req
1054. - Let's get outta here!
- Dad, you smell like barf.Copy !req
1055. Young man.Copy !req
1056. I think I have something
that belongs to you.Copy !req
1057. - Thanks!
- You're welcome.Copy !req
1058. And as for you, Turbo Man...Copy !req
1059. we could use
a man like you on the force.Copy !req
1060. Thanks.Copy !req
1061. I'll keep that in mind.Copy !req
1062. Oh, I'm sorry about the bike...Copy !req
1063. and the coffee...Copy !req
1064. and the bus...Copy !req
1065. And, uh, the bomb.Copy !req
1066. I had it! I had it!
I had it right here in my hands!Copy !req
1067. What am I gonna tell my son
on Christmas morning?Copy !req
1068. - How am I gonna look him in the eye? How?
- Wait.Copy !req
1069. - Did you see? I had it, man. I was so close.
- Wait.Copy !req
1070. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
1071. - Wow. Wow.
- But...Copy !req
1072. Hey, thank— thank you.
Thank you.Copy !req
1073. You know, this is gonna
make my son really happy.Copy !req
1074. I'm sorry about that, uh,
little tension we had on the roof.Copy !req
1075. Hey, it's cool.Copy !req
1076. But, Jamie, I thought you wanted
this doll more than anything.Copy !req
1077. What do I need the doll for?
I got the real Turbo Man at home.Copy !req
1078. - Oh!
- Turbo Man!Copy !req
1079. That-That's my husband.Copy !req
1080. Turbo Man! Turbo Man!Copy !req
1081. That's my dad!
That's my dad!Copy !req
1082. - Hey!
- Yeah, look at that. There it is.Copy !req
1083. - Voilà!
- Beautiful.Copy !req
1084. - Perfecto!
- Mmm!Copy !req
1085. Howard, I've been thinking.Copy !req
1086. Everything that you
went through today for Jamie...Copy !req
1087. really shows
how much you love him.Copy !req
1088. And, uh— And if you're willing to go
through all of that for him...Copy !req
1089. just for a present...Copy !req
1090. well, that makes me wonder.Copy !req
1091. What?Copy !req
1092. What did you get me?Copy !req
1093. Hey!Copy !req