Jackpot! (2024)

1. You got this. You can do it.

2. He's on the next floor up!

3. Lunchtime.

4. Eat this.

5. Oh.

6. With record inflation and unemployment numbers soaring,

7. the economy hit historic lows Monday.

8. However, in a positive sign, the stock market has gone through the roof,

9. creating five brand-new billionaires today.

10. Topping the list is...

11. You know I'm supposed to be retired on a beach somewhere?

12. Amihan?

13. Ami, is that you?

14. Do you know who I am?

15. Give me your phone.

16. What do you want?

17. Sir, please, whatever it is,

18. I'm sure we can fix it.

19. You got any painkillers?

20. Of course I do, I'm a grandma.

21. Get 'em.

22. Here. Over here. Come on.

23. All right.

24. - If you really want to help me, then— - I'm so sorry, dear...

25. but I do know who you are.

26. Ah, fuck me.

27. We're gonna be rich.

28. Go, go, go! Clear!

29. - Don't move. - We have a visual.

30. Subject deceased.

31. We have a go. Jackpot confirmed.

32. - We're good. - Well, then, bring him in.

33. Congratulations, Tala Almazan.

34. I'm Johnny Grand, and you just won the Grand Lottery.

35. We're going to LEGOLAND!

36. And that'll get me another 50K, right?

37. Don't be greedy.

38. No, our daughter did not get the part.

39. She totally shit the bed.

40. Got in the audition room and completely clammed up like an amateur.

41. I-I thought you ran those goddamned lines with her.

42. Well, it didn't work, did it?

43. All she had to do, Leanne,

44. was catch the baseball, wink at the camera and say,

45. "Betty Butter is the best butter when buying better butter."

46. I just fucking did it. I just fucking did it.

47. Well, it was a big job, Leanne, okay, and she fucking blew it.

48. Maybe she'd book more mature parts, Leann,

49. if she didn't dress like Strawberry fucking Shortcake.

50. Don't you hang up. Goddamn it.

51. Oh, sure, now you can act, when there's no one who can hire you.

52. That's great.

53. Give me a goddamn break.

54. I don't want to make a scene in front of your, uh, daughter

55. because you're her daddy and little girls love their daddies

56. even when they're assholes, but maybe if you weren't such an asshole

57. and asked her if she actually wanted to be an actor,

58. she wouldn't grow up to fucking hate your guts.

59. Thanks, Dr. Phil. How much do I owe you for that bullshit?

60. Why don't I report you to child services for child abuse?

61. You know, I'm off duty, but I can definitely still arrest you, if you want.

62. You're a cop?

63. Officer Katherine Kim, Ventura County license 62638.

64. So, I highly suggest you start treating your daughter like a human being

65. as opposed to a fucking ATM.

66. Yeah.

67. I really do like your dress, sweetie.

68. Sorry for all the bad words.

69. I only curse when your mom's being a fucking bitch.

70. Excuse me, do you have the time?

71. Oh, yeah.

72. - It's, uh, 4:30. - Uh-huh.

73. You're a little young for a cop.

74. Um...

75. Well, I'm not a cop.

76. I'm an actor.

77. I knew it.

78. You're pretty good.

79. Thanks.

80. Yeah, I just hate fuckers like that.

81. Yeah.

82. So, what would I have seen you...?

83. All right, did you play a businesswoman who moved to a small town

84. and learned to love Christmas again?

85. No.

86. - Then I probably wouldn't have seen you. - Hmm.

87. I've been, uh, out of the business for a while.

88. - And now you're back? - Yeah.

89. Me and millions of other people.

90. My dear, you listen.

91. There's only one you.

92. You are unique and you have your own voice.

93. Now, you just be true to who you are.

94. You're gonna make it, I can feel it.

95. Oh.

96. Well... thanks.

97. That was really nice.

98. Now, what's your name?

99. Because I want to keep an eye out for you when you're famous.

100. Katie. Katie Kim.

101. Oh, well, Miss Kim...

102. I hope your legs fall off?

103. I-Isn't that what actors say?

104. Yeah, that's exactly what they say.

105. Thank you so much.

106. Oh, my God. That Golden Girl bitch stole my watch.

107. What the fuck?

108. Yeah, thanks for nothing.

109. and due to multiple winnerless rollovers

110. prompting record-breaking ticket sales, tomorrow's jackpot

111. in the monthly Grand Lottery now stands

112. at a whopping and historic $3.6 billion.

113. We've never seen anything like this before...

114. Protect and earn.

115. Excuse me, sir. Uh, what's going on?

116. Is there an evacuation or something?

117. Lottery Day tomorrow.

118. Lottery Day? What does that mean?

119. Lottery Day.

120. No, yeah, I heard you. It's just I'm new in town,

121. - so I'm not really up on the L.A. stuff. - Read the sign.

122. Oh.

123. Well, at least the neighborhood's diverse.

124. It smells like shit and piss.

125. Get in the back!

126. Get in the back of the car!

127. Ta-da.

128. Oh, wow.

129. It looks a little different from... the Airbnb photos.

130. Yeah, I think the lighting is different.

131. Well, the entire room is different.

132. Oh, yeah, no, it was a different house, 'cause we use fake photos.

133. 'Cause, like, who's gonna stay here if we don't?

134. Wow, I've never been catfished by a house before.

135. What?

136. Oh, wow. Okay.

137. That's interesting. Is this you?

138. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's me.

139. That's my manifestation board.

140. You gotta manifest the stuff you want

141. or else bad stuff's gonna happen to you, dude.

142. - This is a nice, nice little bed here. - Hmm.

143. So, why are you here?

144. Are you here for, like, pleasure or pain or...

145. No, I'm an actress.

146. Yeah, me, I'm a marine biologist at NASA.

147. Why would NASA need a marine biologist?

148. Psych, bitch.

149. I got you. I totally fooled you. Yeah.

150. I'm an actress, too.

151. Actress recognize actress, okay?

152. Are you gonna get that?

153. - The phone? - Oh.

154. Oh, no.

155. Oh, my God. 'Cause I know...

156. - Yeah, it's my fucking mom. Bye. - Oh.

157. She calls me all the time.

158. I haven't answered in two years.

159. How 'bout that?

160. Then she just calls and calls and calls. And she's like,

161. "Shadi, I love you."

162. "Shadi, I miss you."

163. "Shadi, how are you?"

164. Hmm. That's sweet.

165. Fucking asshole.

166. - My mom's dead. - Lucky.

167. Yo!

168. Oh, my God, DJ's here. DJ.

169. DJ. DJ.

170. - DJ! - DJ!

171. - Oh, my God. - Wh-why don't you just go out—

172. I can't wait for you to meet him. You're gonna literally die.

173. - He's a deejay named DJ. - Wow.

174. - I, honestly, I think his parents were fucking psychic. - Right.

175. - You've got to meet DJ. Come on. - Oh.

176. - Baby! - Baby!

177. - You see how big the jackpot is? - Oh, my God.

178. Like, what, like, $3 billion.

179. That's, like, twice as much as a million.

180. - That's so— - This door!

181. Yeah. That's us. That's you and me.

182. - That's you and me. That's you and me. - That's you and me.

183. Come here, come here.

184. Okay.

185. This is DJ.

186. - This is him. - Hi. - Hey, I'm DJ.

187. - Uh, really cool to meet you. Yeah. - Yeah, you, too.

188. Do you guys have a house key?

189. - Yeah. Oh, here you go. - Oh.

190. - Yeah, just go for it. - Thank you. Thank—

191. Oh. Oh.

192. Oh, shit. Oh, I'm so sorry.

193. - What the fuck was that? - Babe?

194. - I thought you were gonna dodge it. - Why?

195. Look at your bag. It says you go to fighting school.

196. Oh. Okay, what the fuck is stage fighting?

197. It's fake fighting for movies.

198. Wait, they fake fight in movies?

199. Can I have the fucking keys, please?

200. - Could you chill. Could you just chill. - No.

201. May I have the house keys, please?

202. - Yeah, sure. Here you go. - Thanks.

203. Ooh.

204. You got quick hands, Katie.

205. That was a good catch. - That was a great catch.

206. Mm.

207. What's her problem?

208. She's an actress.

209. Fuck.

210. No, we're not cool.

211. Hey there.

212. Did you just win the Grand Lottery?

213. Is every citizen of Los Angeles now trying to murder you

214. so they can win an unimaginably large sum of money?

215. Well, you can turn to me, Noel Cassidy.

216. I will get you to sundown.

217. Sundown, sundown.

218. Oh, what the...?

219. Oh, shit.

220. Oh!

221. What... What is that?

222. What the fuck is that?

223. Is this my new friend, Katie Kim?

224. Did it rain last night?

225. 'Cause there seems to be a pretty big leak in your ceiling.

226. That's crap. It doesn't rain in L.A.

227. No, I'm not lying. There really is a leak in your ceiling.

228. No, I know it's leaking.

229. That's actual crap. We have a sewage thing.

230. Um, it's just that all of my-my clothes are wrecked

231. and-and I have a showcase in a couple hours.

232. Man, Katie, I feel so bad about this.

233. Like, let me make it right.

234. Why don't you pay me to rent my clothes?

235. You want me to pay you?

236. It's your sewage on my clothes.

237. Whoa, it's not my sewage.

238. It's the people upstairs.

239. My sewage leaks on Mrs. Kachekarian.

240. Okay.

241. How much for the clothes?

242. Uh... $40. That's the going rate.

243. Fine.

244. Great.

245. Oh, this is going to be so fun. We're going to look like twins.

246. Worth every penny.

247. You going to Comic Con or something?

248. No. Why do you say that?

249. If you're not going to Comic Con,

250. why are you dressed like the British robot from Star Wars?

251. How far are we from the destination?

252. Wait a second, are you famous?

253. - I recognize you. - Uh-huh.

254. - I do. - It's possible. I was in—

255. Are you in that video where you put a can of Monster up your butt?

256. No, that wasn't me.

257. - It was orange flavor. - You think the flavor would jog my memory?

258. I don't know what it's like to shove something like that up my butt.

259. I don't either.

260. I worked with a ton of celebrities when I did construction.

261. I actually installed Machine Gun Kelly's panic room.

262. What does Machine Gun Kelly have to panic about?

263. Running out of skin to tattoo?

264. What do you think I'd panic about?

265. Not talking?

266. Bingo.

267. Awesome. I think I'm gonna put my headphones in

268. for the rest of the ride, if that's okay with you.

269. Okay, keep the volume low so you can hear me when I say stuff.

270. Okay, make sure to thumb-print those lotto tickets, L.A.,

271. because we are just ten minutes away from drawing our biggest jackpot winner yet.

272. Great. They're rebooting Barbie.

273. Katie Kim.

274. Oh, yes, present.

275. All right, so, we're just about ready for you,

276. but first, that's going to be $400.

277. Oh.

278. Because it had said $200 online.

279. Yeah, that's our online price.

280. In person, it's $400.

281. Oh. Well, in that case, maybe I can go get a computer and just do that online.

282. Oh, I wish. That'd be so great, right?

283. Unfortunately, you're here,

284. in person, so it's $400.

285. Are you serious about being famous?

286. Yeah.

287. Oh. Real cash.

288. - It's retro. - Yeah.

289. Okay, come on in, and hey, smile. It's your big break.

290. Come on.

291. 'Kay.

292. Oof.

293. Hi. I'm Katie.

294. You just come from some sci-fi thing?

295. Oh. No, I—

296. - Any acting experience? - Yeah, totally.

297. Uh, mostly when I was younger.

298. You couldn't turn on the TV in the mid-2000s without seeing me.

299. Oh, are you the kid from the Spaghetti Squares commercials?

300. Yeah. "Who cares? It's Spaghetti Squares."

301. Well, we are honored to have canned pasta royalty in our presence.

302. So, anything since Spaghetti Squares?

303. I was taking care of my sick mom back in Michigan,

304. and, uh, just got back into town and ready to act.

305. You left your mom by herself?

306. Is she okay?

307. No, she died.

308. No, so she's not.

309. Which I thought was implied.

310. Oh.

311. Did you kill her?

312. No, um—

313. All right, well, is this your monologue, or did you prepare something?

314. No, I-I... Sorry, I have something, yeah.

315. Registering player for the next draw.

316. Good luck, Katie Kim.

317. Hey, Spaghetti Squares, are you ready? We got a lot of girls waiting.

318. Yeah, yes. I'm going to start.

319. - You should really have that memorized. - I do, I do. I'm sorry.

320. Real actors are always off-book.

321. Yes, and I am also a real actor, so I will be going off-book.

322. Enough!

323. That's enough now.

324. From all of you.

325. You think water moves fast?

326. Well, you should see ice.

327. It moves like it has a mind.

328. Like it killed the world once—

329. - Touch your toes. - Is that from Deep Blue Sea?

330. Uh...

331. Sorry, I-I, I just, I had more.

332. I want to know if you're flexible, so touch your toes, please.

333. Why?

334. 'Cause we want to see how vulnerable you are.

335. Mm. Mm-hmm.

336. Could I see you, uh, jiggle a little?

337. Give me my money back.

338. You paid to be seen. You were seen.

339. - Libby. - Oh, that's me.

340. - Hi. - Hi. Good to see you.

341. Hey. Don't let them get to you.

342. You are worth so much more than this.

343. Thank you. I, like, I really needed to hear that today.

344. Hey.

345. Don't let them get to you.

346. You are worth so much more than this.

347. Don't let them get to you.

348. You are worth so much more than this.

349. - So much— - Break a leg.

350. You break a leg, bitch.

351. Break your entire fucking body.

352. - Thank you. - Yeah.

353. Are you seeing it's her?

354. Oh.

355. Excuse me.

356. Oh, I-I definitely didn't get the part, so there's no need for the death stare.

357. Oh. Oh.

358. Ow.

359. Oh, shit.

360. What the fuck, ladies?

361. "Break a leg" means good luck in the theater. Calm down.

362. Back off, Riley. She's my jackpot.

363. Congrats, girlie. You're famous now.

364. And I'm gonna be rich.

365. Ho. Ho, ho, ho, ho.

366. Oh, oh, oh, not the heel.

367. Jesus. Hollywood's gotten extremely competitive.

368. What?

369. The fuck is going on?

370. - She went down here. - She's my jackpot!

371. Oh, come on.

372. She's mine.

373. My jackpot.

374. Jackpot!

375. Oh, shit.

376. My jackpot!

377. She's mine.

378. You want some of this? - Everyone!

379. Time out! Hey!

380. What is happening?

381. Everybody back off.

382. Thank you.

383. She's my jackpot.

384. What is that, a sex thing?

385. What are you doing? Let go. No. No, you let go.

386. - Let go. Let go. - No. I will not let go.

387. - Ma'am, ma'am. - We're bonding. You can't kill me now.

388. Hey, girl.

389. You're better than this. Maybe you're not.

390. Can't we help each other out?

391. Oh!

392. Oh, my God! That's your student!

393. No. No, please, no.

394. Oh, my God.

395. I'm so sorry about that.

396. Ah! God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Let me go. Let me go.

397. Wait, don't, don't let me go.

398. Don't let me go!

399. elbows to bring your knees.

400. There we go. Beautiful.

401. Oh.

402. Oh, ladies. Thank God.

403. Oh. You guys have the cards, too.

404. Uh-oh, you guys have the cards, too.

405. I think I'm just gonna go through the wall.

406. Okay, okay.

407. I'm-I'm going with you. I'm going with you.

408. Wait up, Trish!

409. Ow.

410. Katie Kim, you're mine!

411. It's my money!

412. - Door. - That's my jackpot.

413. X block!

414. You're dead. - I'm not here.

415. I'm just a haunted yoga mat, y'all.

416. Oh, ooh, I would faint, too.

417. Oh, what the...!

418. Don't do it, Jessica.

419. Why me?

420. 3.6 billion reasons.

421. What?

422. Now what?

423. No.

424. Ten percent.

425. What?

426. First five takedowns are free.

427. After that, it'll cost you ten percent.

428. That's freebie number two.

429. Oh!

430. That's freebie number three.

431. You are really burning through them, eh?

432. I'm keeping track.

433. Go.

434. Oh, my God. - That's freebie four.

435. She's mine.

436. - Here, take this. - Gotcha.

437. Scroll to the bottom, use your thumbprint to sign it.

438. Sorry if the screen's a bit cold.

439. Sign what?

440. That's your last freebie.

441. Guy!

442. Okay, you know what, he was attacking me, so I'm not gonna charge you for that.

443. That's just me being nice.

444. All right.

445. Hey, why is there so much legalese in here?

446. Standard terms of service.

447. I don't mean to push you, but it's now or never.

448. Okay.

449. Okay, great.

450. Ah, congratulations.

451. We have a consensual business relationship.

452. Hold my coattails.

453. - Make your feet sharp. - What?

454. Whoa.

455. Oh!

456. No, no.

457. - Oh, hell no. - Oh, hell yeah.

458. Whoa.

459. I did not sign up for this shit.

460. Oh. Oh, girl. Oh, girl.

461. Ooh!

462. I felt that, too.

463. Right in the bean. - Okay, okay.

464. Okay, you done? Untie me.

465. You sure about that?

466. Yeah, wax off, bro.

467. You got fast hands.

468. Well, I'm not looking for hand compliments right now.

469. I want to know what the fuck is going on.

470. And what am I threatening you with?

471. Oh, that shoots enzyme-protein-peptide- bioactive constituent rounds

472. that cause temporary paralysis.

473. - What? - Wasp venom.

474. Lottery security requires a specialized set of tools.

475. Yeah, you-you are holding that all wrong.

476. - No, I got my finger on the— - Just it's, no, you...

477. Give me that thing.

478. I just want you to know that I'm not mad.

479. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

480. Do you want them to choke on their tongues?

481. Based upon the last four minutes with them, yeah, a little bit.

482. I would love that, actually.

483. Okay, listen, the drone posts your location in 14 minutes.

484. - We are leaving. - The drone? What drone?

485. Okay, so the rules say your fans can't kill anyone else

486. for your money, just you.

487. Also, your fans cannot use lethal ballistics— that means no guns—

488. but anything throwable is legal and, trust me, they throw some nasty shit.

489. Hold on, hold on. "Fans"?

490. I don't have any fans.

491. Hey. It's Katie Kim.

492. We should go. Car doors open.

493. There she is.

494. That's her.

495. There's Katie!

496. Hey, you really don't know what's going on?

497. I know you're some sort of kung fu bodybuilder

498. that cares about the tongues of people he beats up.

499. I mean, that feels rude, but not inaccurate.

500. I need the money!

501. I live in that food truck!

502. Yeah, go, go, go!

503. Go!

504. Go, go, go!

505. Oh, wow.

506. That nice girl from the bus.

507. Good for her. I gotta go.

508. Let's go get some.

509. Only six hours till sundown, jackpot lovers,

510. so if you want to find Katie Kim,

511. you'd better move it.

512. Katie, you won the lottery,

513. and now anyone with a losing ticket

514. that kills you before sundown gets your money. Legally.

515. Okay, that's murder.

516. Oh, not in California.

517. It's just a chance at the big time.

518. Okay, when the fuck did this become a thing?

519. I don't know, a few years ago?

520. How did you not hear about this?

521. Me and my mom just watched movies and emotionally neutral baking shows.

522. We didn't watch the news. It was too depressing.

523. Yeah. But you gotta keep up with what's going on in the world.

524. It's your duty as a citizen of Earth.

525. Hey, look, the Shutterbug's gonna post your location every 14 minutes,

526. but your fans around here, they're just gonna see it tailing us.

527. Oh, shit.

528. Hey, hey! - Come on!

529. Let's go!

530. I need you to put this on.

531. Get her!

532. I'm sorry it's a little matchy-matchy, but I need you to protect the head, okay?

533. Oh, shit.

534. Helmet on, hold on tight, please.

535. Go!

536. Shit.

537. Huh, they used Clooney's tequila.

538. I never got the tequila craze. I'm more of a gin guy.

539. You ever tried Artingstall's?

540. I will buy you a fucking case of it if you let me out of this goddamn car.

541. Ah, God, be careful.

542. Biker! Oh!

543. Oh, shit.

544. Knives. Knives. Knives.

545. Uh, this isn't mine.

546. Did you thumb-print that?

547. On accident.

548. Cancel. Undo. Force quit. Delete.

549. Get down.

550. How do I cancel this?

551. You really want to quit the lottery and miss out on all that money?

552. Yes, I do.

553. The only way to quit is...

554. The only way to quit is?

555. The only way to quit is?

556. Oh, shit.

557. Goddamn it.

558. I don't want to sound like a broken record,

559. but I told you to protect the head.

560. But the only way to quit is what?

561. The only way to quit is if you leave the city.

562. Okay, then let's leave the city, then.

563. The closest Quit Line is just past the blue neon cross on the Grapevine.

564. Blue neon cross, Grapevine.

565. Let's go before I fucking throw up in here.

566. Har-har. Nobody quits the lottery.

567. Go, go!

568. Hey, you, that way! Shithead, that way!

569. Let's go!

570. Hey, bootleg Captain America, I'm dead serious.

571. I want to quit.

572. Are you listening to me?

573. I want to get out of the game. Now.

574. Come on. You really mean that?

575. How can someone whose face looks so much like a giant ear

576. not hear what I'm saying?

577. Okay, you're really bringing up some stuff for me there.

578. Kids at school used to call me Earface, okay?

579. Get me outta the game!

580. Okay, I will get you to the Grapevine,

581. but after I do, you should seriously consider therapy.

582. Thank you. And I will.

583. But I-I...

584. Wait a second.

585. What's the catch?

586. What, what is that?

587. You know what you're doing right now?

588. No, I don't.

589. You are looking a gift horse in the mouth.

590. - Shit. Windows up. - I thought you were having a stroke.

591. Ow!

592. Pull over!

593. Oh, fu— Oh, shit.

594. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, shit.

595. Ah, ah, there's swords.

596. Goddamn it. Oh, oh, oh.

597. You... will... not... stab... my... face.

598. - Ow. - Oh.

599. Oh, yeah, the wasp gun. That's a good idea. Yes.

600. Oh! Oh!

601. Bad. Bad biker. Bad biker.

602. - Dude, she's not a dog. - You don't know that.

603. You drive. I-I don't drive.

604. I can't drive. I can't drive.

605. Fuck, I'm driving.

606. What are you guys doing back there?

607. I am a big man in a small back seat. Cut me some slack.

608. Here. Hey, could you pass me the helmet, please?

609. Thank you.

610. Passenger door open.

611. What the hell was that?

612. You think I'm gonna kick somebody out of a moving car without a helmet?

613. I'm not a monster.

614. Hey, be more careful. I just paid this thing off.

615. Well, if you're waiting for an apology,

616. you're gonna be an old fucking man by the time that comes.

617. Katie, could you pop the trunk, please?

618. Oh, my God.

619. - Don't slow down. - It's a dead end.

620. I've seen deader.

621. Holy...!

622. Hit the brakes.

623. Protect the head, bitch.

624. It's good to see that you're coming around on helmets.

625. Your car's all fucked up.

626. It needs a tune.

627. You know, it's not, uh, your fault.

628. You're just driving wrong.

629. Hah! We lost 'em.

630. Hey, what was your favorite part of the chase?

631. For me, it was, like, a toss-up between the alley and—

632. Oh, balls.

633. Okay, let's go. Let's go.

634. One, two, with the...

635. - Oh. - Fuck!

636. Why?

637. - So you get ten percent if I keep going? - Yeah.

638. What do you get if I quit?

639. Zero.

640. But I'll still help you. Get up.

641. Everybody wants a cut of me except you, huh?

642. Listen, Golden Rule: you treat people like you want to be treated, and then—

643. Oh, you dirt-faced me!

644. Put your hip into that one, didn't you?

645. Really hit the target there.

646. How's it look? Good?

647. You look like a Muppet just ran into a wall.

648. Wow, that was wild.

649. I can smell my own face. Good job.

650. No problemo. I'll just crack this guy back into place.

651. It'll be back to normal. Easy peasy.

652. Fuck! Oh, shit!

653. It feels like my nose is tickling my dick hole!

654. Shit in my sneaker!

655. Ah, fuck!

656. Okay.

657. That was good.

658. Ah, shit.

659. Finally, some real help is here.

660. They're gonna try to kill you, Katie.

661. I am so happy to see you.

662. Everybody has been trying to kill me.

663. Oh.

664. Shit, shit.

665. Sorry.

666. Katie!

667. You came to Hollywood to get recognized, Katie.

668. Just embrace the irony.

669. Pinky Pooh Pooh.

670. I love you.

671. All right, that'll be 20 bucks.

672. Oh, no.

673. I don't see her. - Here.

674. Where is she? Where is she?

675. Nowhere to run, Katie!

676. Where are you?

677. Excuse me. Uh, one ticket, please.

678. Oh, sorry. We're closed for renovations till next week.

679. Oh, goddamn it.

680. Oh.

681. Oh, oh, oh. No, no, no, no, you're safe.

682. Uh, come on. I'll-I'll just send 'em down the street to my favorite titty bar.

683. My daughter's about your age.

684. And I think this lottery is immoral.

685. Thank you. And I totally agree.

686. And I also love Spaghetti Squares.

687. - Oh, you rec... you recognize me? - Mm-hmm.

688. Cool. I got recognized.

689. Hello, and welcome to the Fameland Wax Museum.

690. Jenny from the block says have a great time.

691. Is that supposed to be J. Lo?

692. Looks like a statue of a woman asking to see the manager.

693. Okay.

694. All right. Where the fuck are we?

695. Hello?

696. Katie.

697. Oh, my God. You poor thing.

698. I just saw the news.

699. Shadi?

700. Yeah, girl.

701. Are you okay?

702. No, no, I'm not okay.

703. I-I need to get to the Grapevine to stop the game.

704. Can I borrow your car?

705. Anything for you.

706. Like, where are you?

707. I'm...

708. hiding.

709. Where are you?

710. I'm at home.

711. But, yeah, I think you should just tell me your address

712. and I can, I'll be right there.

713. Ah, Pinky Pooh Pooh.

714. I love you.

715. You know what, I think I'm actually just gonna sit tight.

716. - Hello, and welcome to the Fameland Wax Museum. - Shh, shh, shh!

717. Okay, got it. Um, I-I'm coming. Just sit tight.

718. Uh, uh, everything's gonna be fine.

719. Okay.

720. Love you.

721. - Yes, yes, yes, yes? - Yes.

722. - You got her? - She's fucking in there.

723. - In the museum? - She's in there.

724. But we can't go into the museum, remember?

725. We're banned.

726. They're not gonna remember that we had sex with one of the wax figures.

727. That was a long time ago.

728. It was, like, three weeks ago.

729. Come on, babe. Get with it.

730. I'm with it, I'm with it, I'm with it.

731. Shh, shh.

732. Sorry, we're closed for renovations.

733. Oh, you two are banned.

734. What you two perverts did to the Tin Man keeps me up at night.

735. Wait, that was the Tin Man?

736. I thought we were fucking RoboCop.

737. - Is she in there? - Who?

738. You're a shitty actor.

739. Hyah!

740. - Let's go. - Let's go.

741. Sorry about that, brother.

742. None shall pass.

743. Hello, and welcome to the Fameland Wax Museum.

744. Oh, shit.

745. Jenny from the block says have a great time.

746. Katie?

747. None shall pass.

748. Ugh, it's my mom again.

749. I get it. Someone has to pick up your heart meds at the pharmacy.

750. I'm busy.

751. None shall pass.

752. Man, this place is chatty as fuck, huh?

753. Who's ready to go to the Grapevine?

754. I mean, you guys got here so fast.

755. - Wh— - Yeah, wh-what was so crazy about that

756. - is, like, I thought we were at home... - Mm-hmm.

757. and then I realized that we weren't.

758. You're not much of an improvisor, are you?

759. Fuck you. I'm great at improv.

760. I just need time to prepare.

761. Oh.

762. - How 'bout you curl up with a good book, Katie. - Nice one, babe.

763. Using my props. - Ow!

764. How dare you hit a woman? I will kill you for that!

765. Ow!

766. Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

767. Okay, hit her.

768. Yeah, you guys gonna kill me? Huh?

769. What if I turn the tables on you with my staff.

770. Watch out. She's gonna use magic.

771. Incoming. Staff memo.

772. Oh, God, that was stupid.

773. We are, like, so blessed.

774. Wait, guys, come on. We're friends.

775. We traded clothes.

776. Yeah, and now you're making me get your blood all over them.

777. Stop being such a dick and just let us kill you.

778. Well, here goes Cher number one.

779. Here goes Cher number two.

780. They're the Kardashians, you idiot.

781. What? Really?

782. Well, try keeping up with this Kardashian, motherfucker.

783. Who wants some head?

784. Welcome to the murder room.

785. Wait, is that knife real?

786. If it isn't, this is gonna take a while.

787. Oh, shit.

788. Owie.

789. No, no, no. Get her, babe. Get her babe.

790. Don't get her, babe. Don't get her, babe.

791. Oh!

792. - Ow. - I got her.

793. We're rich, babe. We're rich. We're billionaires.

794. Oh, shit.

795. Great. Now I'm the weirdo that cares about strangers' tongues.

796. - Get up. Come on. Get up. - Okay.

797. Oh, no, no, no.

798. - Oh. - We're locked in.

799. - We can't kill you from in here, Katie. - What? Girl, you cheated.

800. And here at the Fameworld Wax Museum,

801. you can see celebrities like...

802. Well, that looks like Katie Kim,

803. but she's not dumb enough to walk around here like that.

804. - That's not Katie Kim. - Oh. Oh, shit.

805. That is Katie Kim.

806. Holy crap. Did that look as cool as it felt?

807. Watch your toes. I'm gonna peel out, okay?

808. She's getting away!

809. Go, go, go!

810. Hey, hey, hey, hey. No shoving.

811. Safety first when you're trying to kill somebody.

812. You stole a cop car?

813. Borrowed.

814. Oh, you're hurt.

815. Uh, let's just get you to the Grapevine.

816. You get the money if I keep playing. If I quit, you get nothing.

817. And-and if you kill me, you get it all.

818. So why the hell would I trust you to help me quit?

819. Why are you trying to convince me to kill you?

820. Because you are making some solid points.

821. Have you ever considered the possibility that I actually might be a nice person?

822. Yeah, oh, yeah, sure.

823. A nice person who, like, loves and wants a superyacht.

824. I don't want a superyacht.

825. You so want a superyacht.

826. - I don't want a superyacht. - You do.

827. - I don't! - Superyacht!

828. Whoa.

829. Can you stop crashing?

830. You don't get it, do you?

831. They're going to post your location in less than three minutes, all right?

832. That means every asshole in a 50-block radius

833. is gonna know exactly where you are.

834. Jesus Christ, we need a bomb shelter or something.

835. Bomb shelter. Bomb shelter.

836. - I have an idea. - Yeah?

837. What the fuck?

838. - Hello. - Hey.

839. You here to move something or...?

840. - No. - No.

841. Oh, my God. Fuck. You're the cat walkers. Duh.

842. You walk your cats?

843. No, uh, cat walkers walk my cats.

844. I'm not weird.

845. Uh, no, actually, we, um, we are here for you.

846. - We are here for you... - Mr. Gun Kelly.

847. Mr. Gun Kelly.

848. Why are you winking at me like that?

849. Why are you winking at me?

850. Oh, is this a sexual thing?

851. Yeah.

852. - Yes. - Got it. Okay. - Yeah.

853. Yeah, okay, so, um...

854. - No and... - Oh.

855. you would turn my asshole into the Eye of Sauron,

856. so let's not go on that Fellowship of my ring.

857. Fare thee well, my little Hobbits.

858. Forget it. You're dead, you unattainable asshole.

859. Whoa, whoa, whoa, shit, okay.

860. Hey, Seth Rogen's next door.

861. He's definitely easier to rob than me.

862. Hey, if you kill her,

863. remember to tip your friendly tour guide a couple mill.

864. Shit, shit.

865. Freeze.

866. Panic room.

867. Time to manifest, bitch.

868. Where is she?

869. Noel, get in.

870. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on.

871. You can't just steal people's panic rooms, dude.

872. What are you, Jodie Foster?

873. He's just gonna give everybody the code, they're going to open the door.

874. We're fucked.

875. Not if he can't.

876. I'm sorry, Mr. Gun Kelly, but you know too much.

877. I-I really don't, though.

878. - Ow. - Ow!

879. You know, I'm more of a white wine guy, but this feels...

880. pretty good.

881. Oh. Ho, ho.

882. - They're over here. - Shit, shit, shit.

883. Where are you?

884. Fuck.

885. Nice. Whoa.

886. What the fuck, dude?

887. I knew you were trying to kill me this entire time.

888. Kill you?

889. I was trying to save you— your face was just in front of my gun.

890. That is such a murder-y thing to say.

891. You just want my money.

892. Really?

893. Okay, you know, that hurt.

894. So, Machine Gun Kelly has a panic room.

895. What's that guy panic about, running out of skin to tattoo?

896. Am I right?

897. Espresso?

898. The, uh, machine matches your outfit.

899. How'd you find out about this place?

900. Lucky guess.

901. God, there is no way out of here.

902. Yeah, I see that.

903. I don't think you'll need one.

904. He'll be out for hours.

905. I think we can just wait the whole thing out in here.

906. Oh. Oh, what a surprise that you think that.

907. You want to open that door

908. and make a sprint for the Grapevine, be my guest, all right? Relax.

909. We're in a hermetically sealed box.

910. As long as nothing unexpected consumes our oxygen reserves,

911. we're gonna be completely fine.

912. Okay, can you stop reassuring me?

913. I am allowed to panic in a panic room.

914. We got some time to ourselves, so...

915. where you from?

916. Me, I'm a Massachusetts boy.

917. Not the Ben Affleck part of Massachusetts.

918. The part that smells like dead fish.

919. Interesting things about me:

920. I hold the World Record for Fastest Ironing of a Dress Shirt.

921. 18 seconds.

922. I'm proud of that one.

923. I got two sisters, both in law enforcement—

924. one on the good side, one on the bad side.

925. Oh! I'm a Hufflepuff.

926. Knew it right away when I read the book.

927. Took the online test— — confirmed it.

928. I have a single adult zoo membership.

929. And, yes, I do use it.

930. And every week I buy a bag of salad,

931. I don't touch it, it turns to mush and I throw it in the trash.

932. Oh, hey.

933. Lucky charm?

934. Hey, man, don't touch that.

935. Relax. I thought it was cool.

936. It's stupid.

937. My mom gave it to me.

938. She always loved movies and movie stars,

939. so I decided to become an actor 'cause I knew it would make her happy.

940. She knew Hollywood was a hard place,

941. so she gave me this to remind me that she'd be proud no matter what happened.

942. I guess I still try to act because it... makes me feel close to her.

943. Did you, did you do okay back then?

944. Yeah, I...

945. I was in a bunch of stuff, mostly when I was a kid.

946. You make good money being a kid actor?

947. No?

948. You'd have to ask my dad.

949. Wherever he is.

950. Uh, well, you know, hey, look at that.

951. In a few hours, you'll never have to worry about money again

952. for the rest of your life, so...

953. If you don't kill me and take it all for yourself.

954. Wow.

955. Thanks.

956. I tell you I'm a Hufflepuff and still, still the suspicion?

957. I don't deserve this negativity, you know, but I always put up with it.

958. That's what my therapist keeps trying to get me to recognize.

959. Sorry.

960. I want to trust you, it's just that, um...

961. I've been proven wrong every other time in my life.

962. Katie, let me tell you something.

963. Once, there were four baby turtles

964. who were thrown into a sewer and covered in radioactive ooze.

965. And what did they do?

966. Did they spend their whole lives not trusting people?

967. No. No.

968. They spent their lives protecting New Yorkers and eating pizza.

969. So...

970. So, so...

971. You... you gotta find your inner Turtle power.

972. Can I be Michelangelo?

973. No. I'm always Michelangelo.

974. Okay, so tell me Noel,

975. why would you make me sign a contract giving you ten percent of my jackpot

976. and then five minutes later say that you'll help me quit?

977. 'Cause here's my list of priorities, okay?

978. Save people's lives.

979. Make enough money to continue saving people's lives.

980. I love what I do and I'm good at it,

981. but that doesn't mean I get the right to make you risk your life

982. if you don't want to.

983. Katie, you're a human being, you're not an ATM.

984. Katie!

985. Oh.

986. Oh, what the fuck?

987. Who's that?

988. Some enemy from your past, back for revenge?

989. Worse.

990. My Airbnb host.

991. I got a bad feeling about this.

992. Wake up, Colson Baker!

993. What's the code?

994. You beautiful scarecrow.

995. What the fuck is she doing?

996. Done missed work for this shit.

997. Wake your tattooed ass up!

998. Did I fall asleep in the pool again?

999. - What's the code? - Huh?

1000. Do you remember me?

1001. We hooked up in 2019.

1002. It was crazy.

1003. Um...

1004. Fuck you. What's your code?

1005. Oh, 6-9-6-9.

1006. Ugh, that's so lame.

1007. Oh. Oh.

1008. Oh, she has the code.

1009. She has the code.

1010. Fu... uh, fuck.

1011. Fuck, fuck!

1012. Fucking shit! Goddamn it!

1013. - Fuck! - Chill.

1014. - Fuck it. - What are you doing?

1015. - I'm getting us out of here. - Okay, okay.

1016. Noel Cassidy for Louis Lewis.

1017. It's an emergency.

1018. Okay, then, take the phone in the fucking bathroom!

1019. Motherfucker! Louis, hey. Noel.

1020. Yeah. Yeah, I know, I got a lot of nerve.

1021. That's why they call me ol' Lotta Nerve Noel.

1022. Yeah, I know, I know, fuck me, right?

1023. Yeah, yeah, I suck, yeah.

1024. Can you stop catching up with your gym bros?

1025. They're gonna come through the door.

1026. Louis, I'm with the jackpot, Katie Kim.

1027. Yeah, I don't know how either, yeah.

1028. We need an urgent Phone Strike on our position, please.

1029. Yes, yes and yes.

1030. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, my friend. Thank you.

1031. Give me your phone. Give me your phone. Give me your fucking phone!

1032. - What is a Phone Strike? - Gonna find out.

1033. - You got the code? - I got the code.

1034. 6-9-6-9.

1035. Machine Gun, you my boy.

1036. Oh, oh.

1037. Kick that phone.

1038. Alert? We're getting an AMBER Alert?

1039. Hey, don't steal kids, y'all.

1040. Whoa!

1041. Oh, shit.

1042. It's the phone, it's the phone. Baby, get rid of the phone.

1043. My hand!

1044. - Ah, my face! - Ah, your face!

1045. Babe, ow. Babe, ow.

1046. - Babe, ow. - You don't look good. You don't look good.

1047. Go.

1048. Shit. I know they were trying to murder me,

1049. but I'm not pro dicks on fire.

1050. You need to go. Go, go, go.

1051. - Make it stop. - Oh, sorry.

1052. Oh, I'm sorry. It's either a hurt dick or a burnt dick.

1053. I'm doing it for your own health. It's not going out.

1054. - I'm helping you. I'm helping you. - Why?

1055. Just put some cream on that.

1056. You'll still be able to procreate. I think.

1057. Babe. Babe, they're getting away, babe. They're getting away, babe.

1058. Fuck this shit. Fuck this shit.

1059. - I'm outtie. - What?

1060. - I can't go on without you. - You can.

1061. Avenge me. Avenge, my queen.

1062. Fuck.

1063. There's your ride.

1064. Thank you so much. This is—

1065. - Katie Kim? - Yes.

1066. Yeah. You guys those male strippers from the billboards?

1067. Oh. Thank you.

1068. Oh, hey, fine.

1069. Oh, uh, he's with me.

1070. He's not on the list.

1071. He's on my list.

1072. Well, our orders are only to bring you.

1073. Okay, well... I'm the billionaire here...

1074. and I'm not getting in the car with you Jason Momoa-looking motherfuckers

1075. without him. Thank you, but we should go.

1076. - Okay. - Just get in.

1077. Thank you.

1078. Where'd she go?

1079. Oh, you're dead, Katie Kim.

1080. Bulletproof glass. New gear.

1081. You guys must be doing pretty good.

1082. So, you work with these guys?

1083. Oh, no, I'm a freelancer.

1084. I... called in a favor.

1085. How you feeling?

1086. How am I feeling?

1087. Like I'm about to put some lucky therapist's kids through college.

1088. How?

1089. Because I'm gonna need a lot of therapy after this.

1090. Oh, I got it in my head

1091. that you were gonna start some scholarship fund or something.

1092. Oh.

1093. How are you feeling?

1094. Oh, don't worry about me.

1095. I was severely traumatized long before today.

1096. Cool brag, weirdo.

1097. What happens now?

1098. We'll debrief you in Beverly Hills.

1099. Don't worry, you're safe.

1100. Actually safe.

1101. Yeah, cool brag.

1102. Weirdo.

1103. I couldn't think of anything, so I used yours 'cause I thought...

1104. - it got me, so I wanted to get him with it. - No, that-that was okay.

1105. That was a good use. I think it... I think it worked.

1106. - We'll work on it. - Okay.

1107. We're here.

1108. You guys really upgraded the place.

1109. This must've cost a fortune.

1110. You saved that many jackpots?

1111. We're the best, and we only want the best for our clients.

1112. I thought you said guns were illegal.

1113. We can use rubber bullets to incapacitate.

1114. But kills have to be close quarters.

1115. Minimizes collateral damage.

1116. The, uh, creepy guy vibes aside, these guys are the real deal.

1117. I mean, look at this place.

1118. These guys could control Jurassic Park from here.

1119. Except this time the dinosaurs wouldn't get out.

1120. Katie Kim, welcome to LPA.

1121. I'm Louis. I'm a huge fan.

1122. Of Jurassic Park? I feel like a lot of people are.

1123. That's why they make hundreds of those movies.

1124. No, are you kidding me? Of-of you.

1125. I mean, most people don't last 15 minutes without representation.

1126. You've already made it several hours, pretty much completely alone.

1127. That makes me so proud to say as an Asian man.

1128. - Well, I wasn't alone. - Of course not.

1129. You had all of our ancestors looking out for you.

1130. No, I was with him.

1131. Oh, you meant Noel.

1132. Okay.

1133. Honestly, Noel was lucky the wind was blowing in his direction today.

1134. I mean, signing a rollover jackpot as important as you,

1135. that's not a job for— no offense, Noel— but a hobbyist.

1136. Luckily, he realized that and called us before it was too late.

1137. Listen, I just really want to get to the Grapevine and finish this day.

1138. Totally hear you, totally hear you.

1139. But...

1140. we are the biggest lottery protection agency in the city.

1141. Your life is about to change, if you let us change it for you.

1142. Hey, that reminds me. Um...

1143. Please accept a little welcome gift, on our behalf.

1144. It's an official LPA phone— so sorry you lost yours in the strike.

1145. Noel, use an Apple Store across the street.

1146. I'm sure they got some cheap models left in stock.

1147. Come on, I'll show you around.

1148. More of a Motorola guy, but fuck yourself.

1149. Attention. Lottery ends in four hours.

1150. Oh. This is where you keep all the good-looking people.

1151. Sure is. - Not all the good-looking people.

1152. You're good-looking.

1153. Pity shoulder pat— that's brutal.

1154. That is our wall of winners.

1155. In a few hours, your face— — is gonna go right there.

1156. It's been a while since the last one, huh?

1157. Yeah. Well, you know,

1158. half the jackpots these days are so desperate,

1159. they decide to risk keeping the commission rather than letting us save their lives.

1160. Now, we charge 30% here,

1161. which sounds like a lot, I know,

1162. but, uh, we also have the highest rate of survival in the city.

1163. Sir?

1164. Thank you.

1165. So, what do you say, Katie Kim?

1166. Can we officially make you a billionaire?

1167. Without that Phone Strike, we'd be dead meat.

1168. So, they do deliver.

1169. What percentage does Noel get?

1170. Sorry, Noel?

1171. Yeah. He saved me way before you guys entered the picture.

1172. Yeah, I'll tell you what.

1173. We would be happy to give Noel five percent of our commission.

1174. Five percent?

1175. Wow, waiters must love you.

1176. - Fifty percent. - Katie, that's—

1177. Fifty percent.

1178. Uh... okay.

1179. Tell you what.

1180. I think it's only fair that Noel receive the same commission that we charge.

1181. - Thirty percent. - Say-say what?

1182. Say 30%.

1183. How's that sound?

1184. Excellent. Wonderful.

1185. You made the right choice today, Katie.

1186. I know that every single agent, myself especially,

1187. we're all here to kick butt on your behalf.

1188. Really? Because you look more ready to challenge Celine Dion to a sing-off.

1189. Well, I did always have trouble hitting the high note in "All By Myself,"

1190. but, uh, I reckon I could blow her face off pretty good with these.

1191. Slimline grenades.

1192. You're safe with us. I guarantee it.

1193. Come on.

1194. You can come, too, Noel.

1195. Come on, Noel. What are you doing?

1196. Your fans are very smart, Katie.

1197. They don't wait for your location to be posted.

1198. They just follow the drone.

1199. I feel like you might want to use a different word than "fans."

1200. Well, they're rabid, I'll tell you that.

1201. And they want to get me almost as bad as they want to get you

1202. since I'm standing in the way of their money.

1203. We can hold them off here for a while but, uh, not indefinitely.

1204. What?

1205. What, you build a bunker like this and you skimp on the windows?

1206. Well, when the pot is $3.6 billion, Noel, we don't take any chances.

1207. That's why we're the best.

1208. Makes sense.

1209. All right, so here's the deal.

1210. First, we'll dispatch a fleet of autonomous decoy vehicles.

1211. Most of your fans will follow those, thinking you're in one of them.

1212. Once they do, we'll exfiltrate you in a different vehicle

1213. to a hidden underground fortress,

1214. and, uh, from there, you're home free, Richie Rich.

1215. Isabella's going to take care of you.

1216. Miss Kim, follow me.

1217. Oh, and, uh, Isabella, why don't we make sure

1218. that Miss Kim gets an outfit that's, uh, not visible from space.

1219. I-I don't normally dress like this.

1220. We probably shop at the same store.

1221. My comfort zone is dressing like a husky tween.

1222. Okay.

1223. Agent Ash, call on line three.

1224. Louis, uh, I just wanted to say it was really decent

1225. what you did back there, cutting me in.

1226. You did not have to do that.

1227. I know.

1228. Thank you.

1229. I, uh, hope the past is just water under the bridge.

1230. Hey, we're cool.

1231. All right?

1232. It's good to see you.

1233. Would you do me a favor, just fix yourself up a little bit.

1234. You look like Wreck-It Ralph after a 14-hour cocaine bender. Geez.

1235. You look like...

1236. Fuck.

1237. Wow, this is how the other half lives, huh?

1238. My doctor's office is in a strip mall next to an El Pollo Loco.

1239. Ow! Oh.

1240. I hope my health care pays for this. Just kidding, I don't have any.

1241. - Um, can I ask you something? - Shoot.

1242. You been doing this a long time?

1243. A while.

1244. You save a lot of people?

1245. A few.

1246. Then what do you spend your money on?

1247. Because, um, well, I can tell that you-you might not be spending it on yourself.

1248. Excuse me?

1249. For starters, you dress like a gym teacher at a funeral.

1250. I was voted Best Dressed my senior year.

1251. Ah, so you were homeschooled?

1252. - And you clearly cut your own hair. - My grandmother cuts my hair.

1253. I'm just saying, it's... it's dangerous work.

1254. And anyone with their head screwed on right would make their money and stop.

1255. So, uh, well, why haven't you?

1256. Thanks.

1257. That's a fair question.

1258. Um...

1259. I used to be a mercenary, private sector.

1260. With Louis.

1261. Our unit got sent all around the world to do bad things to bad people.

1262. And we weren't paid to ask any questions.

1263. One day, I did,

1264. and I found out some of those people weren't as bad as they say.

1265. I tried to convince Louis. He wouldn't listen.

1266. So I just bailed.

1267. Right there in the middle of a job, but...

1268. because I wasn't there, the mission went sideways,

1269. and, uh, my unit...

1270. Louis and I are the only survivors.

1271. So the money I make, my ten percent, uh, goes to their families

1272. and the families of the good people we hurt.

1273. Oh.

1274. Wow. That's heavy.

1275. You know what?

1276. Because of what you negotiated with Louis,

1277. they are gonna be getting a whole lot more now, so...

1278. thank you.

1279. M... my dad was my manager.

1280. He had me working my ass off since I was eight years old.

1281. And then, on my 18th birthday,

1282. I tell him I want to take charge of my own time

1283. and my own money.

1284. And he said...

1285. "Okay, sweetheart. I'll take care of you. Trust me."

1286. Then the next morning, he's gone.

1287. He took every cent I ever earned,

1288. left me and my mom high and dry.

1289. Then my mom got sick

1290. and I had to quit to take care of her because no one else would.

1291. She finally died a month ago.

1292. Left me with $600 and a bus ticket to L.A., so...

1293. here I am now...

1294. trying to start over.

1295. Katie, I am—

1296. I-I'm not trying to compete with your story. Um...

1297. I'm just explaining that my own father

1298. didn't hesitate for a second to choose money over me and my mom, so...

1299. how was I supposed to trust you?

1300. Sure.

1301. But I do trust you, Noel.

1302. For some weird reason, I-I do.

1303. I think it's because you look like a bulldog

1304. that, like, a witch cast a spell on...

1305. and turned into a human, like, against his will.

1306. You ever get that?

1307. Yes.

1308. Miss Kim, please put your face right here.

1309. This is a prosthetics machine.

1310. Go ahead and pick any face you'd like.

1311. Oh, cool.

1312. It's just an extra added layer of protection for when you're in transit.

1313. If people can't recognize you, you're a lot safer.

1314. Oh, my God. There are so many different faces.

1315. Cool, cool.

1316. Oh, I like this one.

1317. Oh. Oh.

1318. This is, it's weird in here.

1319. It's crazy.

1320. Um, hey, Noel?

1321. - Yeah? - Why'd you get so upset earlier

1322. when you were asking Louis for help in the panic room?

1323. Is it 'cause you didn't want to lose out on commission?

1324. Oh, come on, no.

1325. There's a lot of bad blood between us after what happened, okay?

1326. I hated that I needed him.

1327. But he seems to be past it, so...

1328. I will suck it up as long as it helps you.

1329. He's definitely still a dick to you.

1330. Oh, yeah, yeah.

1331. That's Louis.

1332. That's why I was so surprised when he caved in on the 30%.

1333. Not like the old Louis, but I mean, people change, right?

1334. Oh, yeah, I've found that not to be the case.

1335. I mean, do you really trust him?

1336. Our lives are literally in his hands right now.

1337. Hey, girl, hey.

1338. What? Too sexy?

1339. Let's go pee standing up

1340. and make more money than our female counterparts, am I right?

1341. What's wrong?

1342. This, this equipment, staff, the facility.

1343. Those are huge expenses.

1344. And moving out of this bunker doesn't make sense.

1345. You saw how long it's been since they had a jackpot.

1346. And the ones they had before, that weren't that big, not big enough for all this.

1347. So you think it's a setup?

1348. I don't know. What don't you know, Noel?

1349. Um... why I just farted.

1350. It's probably the muscle relaxants.

1351. Nothing loosens a sphincter faster.

1352. And since I know what Noel usually eats,

1353. I'd say it's best we get the hell out of here ASAP.

1354. Shall we?

1355. Yes.

1356. As long as you're ready, Noel.

1357. Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, we should go.

1358. That's a strong look, by the way, Katie.

1359. Not many women could pull off a goatee like that.

1360. Oh. - Dig it.

1361. Thank you.

1362. Hey, Louis, uh, you sure it's a good idea to move her out of here?

1363. I mean, this place seems really secure.

1364. Oh, if people know where she is, then it's not secure, is it, Noel?

1365. You're not questioning my expertise, are you?

1366. No. No, Louis, you know me. Always looking for a way out.

1367. Ain't that the truth.

1368. Attention. Lottery ends in three hours.

1369. Okay, we're in trouble, aren't we?

1370. Yes, we are.

1371. I could never figure out why more than half the players

1372. that killed jackpots this year requested anonymity.

1373. Now it makes sense.

1374. I think that Louis has been murdering his clients.

1375. Wait, what? No.

1376. Why would he do all that, the-the decoy cars, the disguises?

1377. He patched up our wounds.

1378. I know, he has to. He has to make it look like the agency's doing their job.

1379. That way, the next jackpot does the same thing that we did:

1380. walk right in here and look for his protection.

1381. Katie, we're in a honey trap.

1382. Oh, shit.

1383. Hmm? What?

1384. Noel sharted.

1385. Noel, buddy, would you squeeze your asshole shut

1386. and hold it in like a fucking man.

1387. Seriously.

1388. What do we do? - I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

1389. Just give me a second.

1390. See that, Noel?

1391. A big breachable door with a bloodthirsty mob behind it.

1392. Too risky. Told you I knew what I was talking about.

1393. Well, Katie Kim, your chariot awaits.

1394. Just hop on in and we'll dispatch the decoys from the main exit

1395. to clear the door and, uh, get you out of here to safety.

1396. This way, Miss Kim.

1397. Noel, you're gonna ride with us.

1398. Oh, oh, oh, oh, no.

1399. Uh, uh, you know, I'd really prefer to stick with Noel.

1400. If that's cool.

1401. - You're much safer with us. - Sure.

1402. Uh, but it just— and-and I don't want to mansplain—

1403. uh, it's just that he saved my life four times today.

1404. And he's kind of a lucky rabbit's foot,

1405. except he's the size of 80 of them.

1406. Look, I know we all love big, dumb animals,

1407. but as the guy who just saved you and that just a moment ago,

1408. I'm asking that you give us a shot.

1409. Um, I don't know. I think we should just stay here

1410. 'cause that door seems, like, really strong and, like—

1411. Katie...

1412. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you.

1413. Okay?

1414. I'll take care of you, sweetheart.

1415. Trust me.

1416. Okay, thanks...

1417. Dad.

1418. Come on, Uncle Pete!

1419. This murder lottery is no place for a older gentleman like yourself!

1420. Kill Katie Kim! Kill Katie Kim!

1421. She's worth $3.6 billion, yo.

1422. Don't lose her!

1423. Hey, this gets you to the courtyard. Take Louis's Lambo.

1424. The security expert left his keys on the tire.

1425. - What about you? - I'm gonna buy you some time.

1426. I'll be fine. Now, go, go, go, go.

1427. She's escaping.

1428. Oh, you gonna cry now?

1429. Fuck!

1430. Ah, my balls.

1431. Try jumping up and down.

1432. Okay, Noel.

1433. I'm only going to ask you this one time.

1434. Where the fuck is my jackpot?

1435. Oh, man, I would remember, but I just got kicked in the face.

1436. Oh, you think you're fucking funny, huh?

1437. Oh, no, she's escaping.

1438. That's not what you wanted to happen, is it?

1439. These fucking decoys.

1440. She's in one of the cars.

1441. - Which one? - How the fuck would I know?

1442. Put a team on all four.

1443. I want eyes on every single camera in a three-mile radius:

1444. phones, CCTVs, ATMs.

1445. Go, go, run.

1446. We're trying to track her phone,

1447. but she's deactivated the locator chip.

1448. Fuck!

1449. - All right, what have we got from the cops? - Still nothing.

1450. Okay.

1451. Autopilot off.

1452. All right.

1453. One of the decoy cars just changed direction.

1454. - Take the 210 North. Go. - No, no, no, no.

1455. - Take the 5. Try to cut 'em off. - What are you gonna do?

1456. The fuck I should've done in the first place.

1457. Oh, my God. This just in.

1458. Katie Kim has just lost the Shutterbug drone.

1459. Which means that her location will not broadcast again until the end of the game.

1460. Which means that, unless she makes a major mistake,

1461. most lottery players will be sitting around

1462. with their thumbs up their butts, doing what we're doing:

1463. drinking and toasting to our new hero.

1464. Well played, Katie Kim, wherever you are.

1465. Hello.

1466. Turn the fucking car around, now.

1467. Uh, nah, I'm good, but fuck you very much.

1468. Let me tweak my pitch a little bit: turn the car around or I'll stick this...

1469. in this oversized hunk of beef here.

1470. Yeah, why don't you, uh, go ahead and say something persuasive, Noel.

1471. Katie, get out. Get out, keep going.

1472. Don't-don't worry about me. Go.

1473. Your altruism is getting a little excessive, Noel.

1474. You're gonna have to skip leg day tomorrow.

1475. Hey, leave him alone. It's me you want.

1476. Exactly. That's the idea.

1477. - Stop. - The next one's going in his brain.

1478. Ah, Katie, don't stop, don't turn around.

1479. Just keep going. Get to the Grapevine. Fuck this guy.

1480. Yeah, fuck this guy.

1481. What's it gonna be, Katie, huh?

1482. Okay, all right, I-I'll turn around.

1483. - No! - That's a good girl.

1484. Now show me. I want to see you turn the car around.

1485. I'm doing it.

1486. All right, I'll drop you a pin.

1487. I know a nice quiet place where your fans won't find you.

1488. If you're not there in 24 minutes, well, the next time you see Noel's face

1489. will be when I mail you his fucking head!

1490. 'Kay, bye.

1491. Oh, man, fucking Noel.

1492. Oh, you really think nobody's gonna find her in here?

1493. Of course not. Nobody gives a shit about theater in Los Angeles.

1494. I do. I saw the last performance here.

1495. Other Space: The Hip Hop Musical.

1496. Vin Diesel was amazing.

1497. Shut the fuck up.

1498. - She's smarter than you think, Louis. - Really?

1499. She's a wannabe actress who moved to L.A. expecting to have a good experience.

1500. Yeah, she's a real fucking genius.

1501. Okay, so you're gonna kill an innocent woman for what?

1502. 'Cause your fucking bozos bought too many cases of LaCroix

1503. for your executive lounge?

1504. Don't pretend like you don't LaCroix.

1505. It tastes like a drawing of a coconut.

1506. Coconut is the worst flavor!

1507. You cannot judge it based on coconut!

1508. It's a delicious zero-calorie beverage.

1509. I'm tired of people shitting on LaCroix.

1510. See, this is exactly why no one wants to work with you, man.

1511. You talk about these jackpots like they're, like they're fucking people.

1512. They're big walking ATMs.

1513. And this one is the biggest fucking ATM of all time.

1514. You really are a reprehensible chunk of wet shit, Louis.

1515. Oh, grow the fuck up, you dick stain.

1516. How do you think the world works? Huh?

1517. It runs on money.

1518. You know the mission that you bailed on?

1519. Now, that... that was a fucking jackpot.

1520. That family was guarding millions in gold for those warlords.

1521. That money changed my life.

1522. You never should have gone in there knowing what we knew.

1523. You got all our men killed without me.

1524. We didn't need you.

1525. There was no danger in that raid, you dumb fuck.

1526. There were no fighters around for miles, no one in the house was even armed.

1527. It was the easiest fucking job of my life.

1528. Just walked in, took out the family, grabbed the jackpot.

1529. Th-There was no firefight?

1530. Let's just say I don't like to share.

1531. You killed our team for gold?

1532. Yeah, I did, Noel.

1533. It's just business, okay?

1534. High-stakes business, winner take all.

1535. Welcome to the real world.

1536. You evil fucking son of a bitch.

1537. Oh, compliments will get you nowhere with me.

1538. Yeah.

1539. Sir. - Have the team rally on my position.

1540. It's time to close this account.

1541. Stupid Noel.

1542. Why couldn't you have just been a fucking asshole like everybody else?

1543. Watch the clock.

1544. You kill her one second after the bell, you get no money

1545. and you get a murder charge.

1546. So we go fucking fast and we go fucking hard.

1547. Where do these guys keep their guns...

1548. grenades...

1549. Bingo.

1550. Looks like a fucking SpongeBob gun.

1551. Katie Kim.

1552. Center stage.

1553. That's a... deadly-looking weapon you got there.

1554. What's the range on that thing, like two inches?

1555. I'm shaking.

1556. Let him go.

1557. You literally have zero leverage here, so no.

1558. I don't know, I have a little.

1559. Oh, yeah?

1560. See, you get all the money if you kill me,

1561. but what happens if...

1562. I do it myself?

1563. - Katie. - Let him go.

1564. You expect me to believe that you would kill yourself

1565. for this guy?

1566. You met him, what, four hours ago?

1567. I said let him go.

1568. Uh-uh, nope.

1569. Not buying it.

1570. - Bullshit. - Bullshit?

1571. I'm gonna die anyway, right?

1572. So the only choice that I have left

1573. is whether or not I want you to be rich because of it.

1574. Let him go.

1575. Go ahead.

1576. No, go ahead. Pop your own skull.

1577. I'll just wipe your prints off the bolt gun and tell them I did it.

1578. Not with a million of my fans watching.

1579. Fuck.

1580. Oh, shit.

1581. You're crazy, Katie Kim.

1582. What do I have to live for anyway?

1583. I got no friends.

1584. I got no family.

1585. Everybody fucking sucks.

1586. I came to this town chasing a stupid dream that,

1587. deep down, I know won't happen.

1588. Not for me.

1589. And you're right, I did meet him today.

1590. Today.

1591. And that's the best relationship I have in my life.

1592. Isn't that fucking pathetic?

1593. Aren't I fucking pathetic?

1594. Katie, don't do this. Please.

1595. Why keep pretending things are gonna go my way?

1596. So let's just fucking do this.

1597. Fuck you and fuck your money.

1598. No, no, no, no, no, stop, stop.

1599. Okay, okay.

1600. I'll let him go.

1601. Okay, now give me the gun.

1602. Okay.

1603. You win.

1604. That's a good girl.

1605. Push kick!

1606. Acting, motherfucker.

1607. Bravo.

1608. Daniel Day-Lewis wishes he had your range.

1609. They know you're here. Run. Run!

1610. Let's go. Whoo! Katie!

1611. Oh, oh, honey, take the roast out of the oven in ten minutes.

1612. I gotta go kill this girl.

1613. Oh, love ya.

1614. See you at the Hollywood Theater, bitch.

1615. Oh, shit.

1616. Hey, good to see you again, not a cop.

1617. - Ow. - Oh.

1618. Time to die.

1619. Oh! I love you.

1620. Holy fuck.

1621. Cops!

1622. Fuck.

1623. Yeah.

1624. No!

1625. Where do you think you're going, you little shit?

1626. You're a loser with no friends.

1627. What do you even need that money for?

1628. What are you going to do with the money, buy more white suits, you fucking diva?

1629. Fucking die.

1630. Oh, shit.

1631. Fuck off, mall cop.

1632. No.

1633. Oh, shit.

1634. Ah, fuck this.

1635. It's Turtle time, motherfuckers.

1636. On the half shell.

1637. Turtle power!

1638. Stop being such a loser and let me kill you already.

1639. [screaming

1640. Fucking psycho! Ah!

1641. - A little help, please. - Ow!

1642. I'm on it.

1643. No, no!

1644. Finally.

1645. Where you going, Katie?

1646. Katie, run.

1647. My ticket, my jackpot.

1648. Well, I gave you one star on Airbnb.

1649. Now you'll never be a Superhost.

1650. Not cool.

1651. Oh, I'm going to enjoy this.

1652. No, I'm going to enjoy this.

1653. Shit.

1654. You're fucking with my money, Noel.

1655. Bye!

1656. Owie, owie, owie, owie, I'm sorry.

1657. No.

1658. Wait. Remember all the good times we've had?

1659. Like when my roof leaked human shit on you?

1660. That was hilarious.

1661. Call your fucking mom back.

1662. God, I should've just stabbed you.

1663. Katie, four minutes. Climb!

1664. Oh, God.

1665. Let me take that off your hands, Van Damme.

1666. Looks like it's showtime, motherfucker.

1667. Uh, excuse me, can I borrow that?

1668. Maybe, can I...

1669. Yes. Oh, shit.

1670. Huh. After this, there's an oboe going right up your ass.

1671. Hi, Miss Kim. Good to see you again.

1672. What?

1673. Your watch keeps terrible time.

1674. Oh, let me reset it for you.

1675. Ouch.

1676. - You know what? Good to see you're okay. - Ow!

1677. Excuse me.

1678. Katie, two minutes!

1679. Whoa.

1680. I'm coming, Katie. No!

1681. Where do you think you're going, Katie Kim?

1682. Shit.

1683. Hey, Katie, girl.

1684. - Uh-huh, you're a horrible actress! - Go on, bitch.

1685. Katie, stay away from him!

1686. Oh. Ow.

1687. Where you going?

1688. You're doing a terrible job of protecting me.

1689. I think I'm gonna have to let you go.

1690. Katie, 60 seconds!

1691. Shit.

1692. Keep going, Spaghetti Squares!

1693. I've got to say, Katie,

1694. two people of proud Asian heritage trying to kill each other for money—

1695. very inspiring.

1696. Leave her alone, Louis!

1697. No!

1698. Oh, I'm sorry, Katie.

1699. Looks like you don't have what it takes to get out of this now.

1700. I do have one thing.

1701. What's that, your little lucky charm?

1702. Fast hands.

1703. Wait.

1704. Is that a grenade in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

1705. Fuck me.

1706. Two! One!

1707. You're off the clock, boys. Your boss just blew up.

1708. Oh, sorry, sir.

1709. You did it!

1710. Ooh, you got a little bit of Louis on you there.

1711. Yeah, I think his, like, tooth flew in my mouth.

1712. Hey, um,

1713. I don't know if you were still expecting that 30%.

1714. Come on. I'm a man of my word. Ten percent.

1715. But I'm not a woman of my word,

1716. so I hope you'll be happy with 50%.

1717. Just so you know, I was gonna double-cross you.

1718. I just ran out of time.

1719. No, you weren't.

1720. 'Cause you really are a nice guy.

1721. And I trust you.

1722. Over here.

1723. I.D., please.

1724. Oh.

1725. Not my real height.

1726. Hey.

1727. You saved me.

1728. You saved me.

1729. The people with the sheet, they helped a lot.

1730. Yeah, they did. They helped.

1731. And, hey, just so you know,

1732. I think my mom would've really liked you.

1733. Katie!

1734. Hey. All right.

1735. Hey!

1736. Congratulations, Katie Kim.

1737. I'm Johnny Grand, and you're our biggest jackpot winner yet.

1738. All right, so what are you going to do now that you're a billionaire, Miss Kim?

1739. I'm gonna get the fuck out of Los Angeles.

1740. Ooh, watch the language. There's kids watching.

1741. Sorry, children.

1742. All right, right this way for an interview.

1743. I think I've had enough publicity for today, but thank you.

1744. - No, the cameras— - No. No, wait, wait. She said she'd had enough publicity.

1745. If she doesn't want publicity, that's her right.

1746. - Hey, pal, it's live. It's live. - Give her space.

1747. Come back here, we'll give you the check.

1748. I thought all actors wanted publicity.

1749. I don't think I want to be an actor anymore.

1750. Yeah?

1751. It's like, what's the point?

1752. Fucking wrestlers and YouTubers are movie stars now.

1753. Yeah, I know, tell me about it.

1754. Sort of makes it feel like anybody can do it, right?

1755. Hey, my last ten bucks.

1756. Yeah, yeah.

1757. You want to split a hot dog?

1758. Ooh, lengthways or widthways?

1759. What?

1760. I might have a concussion.

1761. It's always hard to tell with you.

1762. Ah, you, always with the quips. Quick.

1763. Oh.

1764. I got you, big guy.

1765. God, your hand is so big, it's like a whole-ass ham on my shoulder.

1766. Good thing my mom got me that bus ticket.

1767. What's the plan?

1768. Oh, I got a few ideas.

1769. Ready?

1770. Oh, shit.

1771. I'm sorry. Ooh.

1772. Oh, my...

1773. What? Everybody's eating pizza out of trash cans.

1774. It-it's not gonna work.

1775. Mm, what is that?

1776. What's up?

1777. What the...?

1778. Oh, great.

1779. Hey! I'm being sued for copyright infringement!

1780. Fucking...

1781. Eat fast, I guess.

1782. I told you this would happen.

1783. It's really hard not to laugh when just take the kick.

1784. She kicked high.

1785. No. No, no, no, no.

1786. Whoa, I didn't know that was gonna happen.

1787. Don't look a gift mom in the mouth.

1788. As they say.

1789. Yeah, my mom's mouth is so disgusting.

1790. You ever notice that Los Angeles really looks like Atlanta sometimes?

1791. That's weird.

1792. I knew you wanted a superyacht.

1793. I did want a superyacht.

1794. Dude, of course you wanted a superyacht. Everyone wants a fucking superyacht.

1795. Greta Thunberg wants a fucking superyacht.

1796. Oh, cheers, bud.

1797. Mm.

1798. The money's changed us, hasn't it?

1799. Yeah.

1800. We're gigantic shitheads now.

1801. Hey, can I get my dolphin sandwich?

1802. Mommy's mad. You know what Mommy does when she's mad? She spanks.

1803. I'm not giving you a tip.

1804. Guess what. I won Best Spank in 2019.

1805. What you two perverts did to Laurel and Hardy keeps me up at night.

1806. What you two did to W.C. Fields was inhuman.

1807. You were banned.

1808. It took us weeks to clean up Tom Hanks.

1809. Hi. Uber for Katie?

1810. Come with me if you don't want to die.

1811. That was pretty good, huh?

1812. We should get to the chopper.

1813. I'll slap the tattoos right off your skinny man tits.

1814. Fuck!

1815. Oh, shit.

1816. How will I deejay? I-I can't push a button.

1817. How will I jerk off?

1818. All right, so what are you going to do now that you're a billionaire, Miss Kim?

1819. Well, I've been running for my life for the past ten hours,

1820. so I'll probably go home and take a massive shit.

1821. Lovely.

1822. Hey, Candice. Um, my panic room got invaded,

1823. and I just don't feel safe in there anymore.

1824. Is there a way we could build a panic room

1825. inside the panic room that I could panic in?

1826. Okay, great.

1827. Hey, also, I just sent you a picture.

1828. Um, could you buy me these darts?

1829. They're fucking awesome.

1830. Pinky Pooh Pooh. I love you.

1831. But I love your $3.6 billion more!

1832. This isn't the first time I've killed in this costume!

1833. And I never take it off 'cause I'm a freak!

1834. Don't forget to tag us when you post the pic with the body.

1835. He's fucking huge. He would turn my asshole into a sewer, so...

1836. Sewer hole. Sewage hole? Suet hole.

1837. What do you... what do you call those things?

1838. He'd turn my ass into a sewage hole.

1839. Sew... Into a sewer hole. Okay.

1840. You would turn my butthole into the Lincoln Tunnel, so...

1841. Lord have mercy on my butthole.

1842. We fucked right over on your signet there.

1843. That is not an oil stain in your driveway.

1844. I, um... You're a real...

1845. Just, it's actually just pee.

1846. - He is a championship male squirter. - Yep.

1847. And it goes... it's like splish-splash. It's, uh...

1848. Secret, it's just pee.

1849. I don't even know how that works.

1850. Yeah, guys, the, uh...

1851. It's from the back.

1852. Damn.

1853. This is so stupid.

1854. Did it hurt when you stuck the can up?

1855. You don't have to have shame here. I've done some crazy stuff.

1856. No, I have a very tight butthole.

1857. Okay, TMI.

1858. Forehead and the tricep.

1859. I don't know how much a bigger steak we can cut for you, boss.

1860. Eat my box!

1861. No, fuck that shit.

1862. What-what flavor is it?

1863. It's, uh, pussy flavor.

1864. Oh, I'm good. I-I... I'm allergic.

1865. It started later in my life.

1866. Ooh, adult-onset pussy allergy.

1867. International Women's Day is very hard.

1868. Hey, break a leg at the audition.

1869. Bitch, you break a leg.

1870. - Wh... - Break your entire fucking body.

1871. No, it's not like... It's...

1872. - Thank you, I will. - Yeah.

1873. I'm sorry.

1874. I want to know if you're flexible.

1875. Are you flexible?

1876. - I can blow myself comfortably. - He can.

1877. And my dick isn't even that big.

1878. It's not.

1879. I look like someone's sketchy uncle

1880. who smokes in his studio apartment and eats canned beans.

1881. What's up, bro?

1882. Let's go take a dump standing up

1883. and make more money than our female counterparts, am I right?

1884. This is a guy that takes a dump standing up.

1885. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

1886. Oh, my God. That was really funny.

1887. I once played Tetris for about 65 hours straight.

1888. I speak fluent Dothraki.

1889. I don't know why I thought that'd be useful.

1890. I sucked my thumb for way too long,

1891. and since my thumbs are three times normal size,

1892. my overbite was bananas.

1893. I believe that Honeycomb is the best cereal.

1894. All other cereals are trash.

1895. Oh, I make my own socks.

1896. My calves are always bursting through the store-bought ones.

1897. I estimated that I've eaten about 8,000 chickens in my life.

1898. Oh, and I believe in aliens, but I'm not a weirdo about it.

1899. I once broke my femur.

1900. Still finished my shift at Baskin-Robbins.

1901. 31 flavors ain't gonna scoop themselves.

1902. I nursed a baby squirrel back to life once.

1903. I fed it Muscle Milk in an eyedropper.

1904. It was jacked.

1905. You guys all named Riley? What?

1906. If you're not going to Comic Con,

1907. why are you dressed like the British robot from Star Wars?

1908. No, I'm not C-3PO.

1909. That's not his name.

1910. Yeah, yes, it's definitely C-3PO.

1911. No, it's definitely not 'cause I'd remember that.

1912. Yeah, it's like Todd Beasley.

1913. 'Ello. I'm Todd Beasley.

1914. You'll be malfunctioning in a day, you nearsighted scrap pile.

1915. Okay, so you remember that entire line,

1916. but you don't remember that his name was C-3PO?

1917. - That's not his name. - Not his name.

1918. Yeah, that's it.

1919. That's what it is.

1920. Bitches.

1921. Okay, sorry, wait, one more time.

1922. One more time.

1923. Can we throw our axes now, please?

1924. Yeah, duh.

1925. You just go like this.

1926. Ooh.

1927. Shit.

1928. And don't throw them at each other.

1929. Goddamn it, I hate the fucking theater.

1930. In the back.

1931. - And one more, too. - What are you doing?

1932. I am fighting you.

1933. You ready for this Asian thunder, huh? Buckaroonie?

1934. You fight like Scrappy-Doo.

1935. You know when you fight someone,

1936. you gotta make contact with your hands and feet, right?

1937. Oh, I hit 'em with my hands and feet.

1938. I can hit 'em with my hands and feet.

1939. This... this...

1940. and I do the— ooh!-- the subway stop.

1941. I do the shopping cart— wow!-- into you.

1942. And then I do the...

1943. driving into the throat punch.

1944. Ear fold.

1945. Five years of stage fighting school

1946. where I was number two, in a class of two, but... I prevailed.

1947. Okay. The w... The wig's off.

1948. I love your perfume, by the way.

1949. What is that?

1950. B.O. and other people's blood, probably.

1951. Lady Speed Stick and three hours of terror sweat.

1952. It's Bullets. By Machine Gun Kelly.

1953. It's his line.

1954. No, wait, I remember now.

1955. It was Colonel Mustard in the observatory with the rope.

1956. Oh, man, I think you stepped in dog shit.

1957. I no think good no more.

1958. See what happens when you kick somebody in the face?

1959. Hi, Miss Kim. Good to see you again.

1960. Your watch is a piece of shit.

1961. Lunchtime.

1962. Mm-mm. It's punch time.

1963. You broke my favorite mop!

1964. Mop this, asshole.

1965. I loved that mop.

1966. Oh, Mae West camel toe.

1967. W.C. Fields' penis.

1968. Oh, the horror.

1969. Oh, you...

1970. Oh, my God.

1971. We're gonna be so rich.

1972. Hey there, friends, it's your old pal Johnny Grand here

1973. to let you know that the Grand Lottery is coming to your town

1974. with our biggest jackpot yet.

1975. We got exciting new rules...

1976. and some fun new tools, so be sure to get your tickets for the next drawing.

1977. It's gonna be a whole lotto fun.

1978. I guarantee it.