Jackass Forever (2022)

1. Headquarters.

2. A what?

3. Come in here!

4. How's that smoke? Good?

5. All right, here we go. Full tight on the monster. Rolling.

6. Is me being pulled in only that much to the table, it's fine?

7. Well, the main thing is we need to hide your body more.

8. Wee Man! Wee Man!

9. Wee Man! Wee Man!

10. Fucking look! Wee Man! Right there!

11. There! Fire!

12. What?

13. Fire this way!

14. Fire! Shoot it!

15. Settle down, big fella!

16. This is all just a big misunderstanding.

17. We can work this out like pals. Settle!

18. Oh, no! Oh, no!

19. No, no, no!

20. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville! Welcome to Jackass!

21. Hey, Steve-O, how does it feel to be on the set twenty years later?

22. Man, it's

23. it's pretty heavy, dude.

24. You think about how the last movie had

25. the credits which showed us when we first started,

26. and it was ten years later.

27. And now it's another ten years.

28. I got to say I look great, though.

29. Oh, my God.

30. Poopies, that was really uncool.

31. Do you feel the vibration?

32. Wow.

33. Hi, I'm Preston Lacy. This is the Human Ramp.

34. That's David Gravette. Come on, we got to go.

35. Someone's being a little dramatic.

36. - Oh, my God, we got to go. - Let's make it quick!

37. He's coming!

38. Brace yourselves.

39. Oh, my goodness.

40. - You all right? - Yeah.

41. Wow.

42. - You're not filming my bald spot, are you? - No.

43. Goddamn it! Is that why you put that camera...

44. No more bald spot.

45. Fuck this. I got to just get up and walk this off.

46. Backfire!

47. You look like the Kool-Aid Man.

48. It's time to introduce Zach Holmes and say goodbye to the Human Ramp.

49. Goodbye, Human Ramp!

50. We're gonna fucking die.

51. Yes! Fuck, yes!

52. Oh, my God, yes!

53. That was awesome.

54. I don't think Preston's okay.

55. Look at this sucker.

56. Oh, my God.

57. Well done, Preston.

58. My name's Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to the Dum Dum Game.

59. Oh! I'm sorry, dude.

60. Are you fucking kidding me?

61. My hand hit the button.

62. - Poopies... - Oh, my God!

63. Fuck.

64. Dick pain hurts.

65. All right, let's play this game.

66. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to the Dum Dum Game.

67. Our lucky contestants are going to be answering trivia questions.

68. All these questions are on a fourth-grade level.

69. If you get them right, you're safe and in the clear.

70. If you get them wrong...

71. Oh, boy.

72. Last man standing is the winner.

73. Okay, first question. Poopies.

74. Jenny has 2 plates of 12 cookies. Frank has 4 plates of 6 cookies.

75. Who has more cookies?

76. Jen.

77. Oh, Jesus Christ.

78. I can't do math!

79. I'll remember that on my next question, Poopies.

80. Yeah, thanks, Johnny.

81. Oh, dude.

82. Okay, Ehren.

83. Please spell the word "dumbbell."

84. Dumbbell.

85. D-U-M-B...

86. What is it?

87. D-U-M...

88. B-E-L-L?

89. Oh, God.

90. - Sorry, that was wrong. - Don't be a dumbbell.

91. Poopies.

92. Who played the piano on Elton John's album,

93. Madman Across the Water?

94. What's his name?

95. Elton John.

96. Oh! That is correct!

97. That is correct, Poopies.

98. I didn't think you were gonna get that one.

99. At last, see, you're doing good. Way to go.

100. Fuck, yeah!

101. Wee Man, question:

102. What family of instruments does the piano belong to?

103. Strings.

104. - It's a percussion instrument. - I was gonna say that!

105. I'm sorry, Wee Man, but you're out.

106. - All right, good with me! - That's integrity.

107. Poopies, if you get this next question wrong,

108. Ehren unfortunately wins.

109. If a square is 5 inches tall and 5 inches wide,

110. what is the area?

111. 10 inches direct... around.

112. I'm sorry, Poopies, but that is wrong.

113. Ehren, I'm sorry. I hit the wrong button.

114. But, Poopies, that was wrong.

115. Fuck this shit. I'm out of here. Fuck it!

116. Ehren is the winner!

117. Ehren is the winner!

118. Tell him that we're filming.

119. Yes! Oh, yes!

120. Oh, my God!

121. Yeah, that rang my bell.

122. I took a huge shit in there, too.

123. So today, we're gonna bring the cast into this room two at a time,

124. because they think I'm doing a rattlesnake stunt.

125. But that's just a ruse to get them in here so we can lock the door,

126. turn out the lights and make their life a living hell.

127. This is Silence of the Lambs.

128. Dave England, Ehren McGhehey.

129. We have Jules here.

130. - Jules? The snake guy? - I'm out. See you.

131. Come on, Ehren. You guys are just peanut gallery for this.

132. He's got a western diamondback rattlesnake.

133. He's gonna release it on the ground.

134. Pontius is gonna take a cookie and set it on its head.

135. And then I'm going to try and take the cookie off its head.

136. This is a western diamondback rattlesnake.

137. It's very, very venomous.

138. He will bite you if you get too close, and he will kill you or try to.

139. - I'm not kidding. - So let's look at it.

140. - Oh, fuck! - Oh, my God, dude.

141. Oh, shit.

142. - Look. - Oh, my God.

143. Fuck this, brah.

144. Can you feel my heart?

145. Wow, dude!

146. It's going as fast as that rattlesnake.

147. I'm really scared for Johnny right now.

148. Let's put the snake away and get these guys miked. It's time to do this.

149. They're huge! Those are big-ass snakes.

150. All right, switch the bucket. Let's get the snake out of the room.

151. Is there an antidope here?

152. Hey, let's get Knoxville for me.

153. That is what it's called. Antivenom, not antidope.

154. What's antidope mean? I don't even know.

155. - Johnny Knoxville! - They're coming in right now.

156. What's antidope?

157. Um, that's like...

158. Oh, my fucking God.

159. No!

160. - Goddamn. - Oh, fuck you guys!

161. Why are we the only ones in here now?

162. I don't know, dude.

163. Doggone it!

164. - What? - Shit.

165. Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to hell.

166. Oh, fuck. Fucking rattlesnake in here?

167. Ehren, what are you doing? Don't use me as a human shield.

168. - So if we get bit, we die. - Yeah. Oh, God!

169. Are you serious?

170. This is so fucked up. I knew this was gonna happen.

171. Why the fuck did we go down to the basement?

172. Come on.

173. Knox, what the fuck? Come on.

174. Come on.

175. What the fuck?

176. Dude, what the hell?

177. What the fuck? I knew this was gonna happen!

178. Stop! Oh! Fuck you guys, dude.

179. P, where are you?

180. - I'm gonna break that fucking door down. - Do it, Ehren.

181. Fuck this shit! Fuck you guys!

182. Fucking get the fuck out of here!

183. All right, knock over the bucket and cue the snake sound.

184. Oh, shit.

185. - Oh, shit. - Oh, my God!

186. Hey, guys, stay on the couch. The fucking snake.

187. Stay still. Guys, honestly, be fucking chill.

188. This is not cool, seriously. Get me the fuck out of here.

189. Fuck off!

190. There's a snake, Dave.

191. Where are you, Ehren? Ehren?

192. Ehren! What the fuck? Ehren!

193. - How am I supposed to even help you, Dave? - I just need to know you're there.

194. Fuck this!

195. I got a weapon now, motherfuckers.

196. I got a weapon.

197. Don't hit me, Ehren! Don't hit me.

198. You fucking...

199. Ehren, don't fucking not answer me. They have night vision in here.

200. There's a door! Dave, over here! This way!

201. Yeah, right. Fuck that door. There's something bad over there.

202. - No, I promise! - No, you don't know shit.

203. There's a door. I just opened it, I swear to God!

204. Oh, wow, how convenient.

205. Come this way. I swear to God, I'm not lying.

206. - Fuck that door. - You're on your own then, fucker!

207. Ehren!

208. What the fuck is going on?

209. I can't even fucking do it.

210. This is fucking scary. Seriously, this is fucked up.

211. This is not cool, dude.

212. Fuck! What the fuck? His head! Oh, my God, fuck!

213. Ow, fuck! Did I just get bit?

214. - Did you get bit? - Yeah, by something.

215. What the fuck was that?

216. Fuck, Jeff! He got fucking bit! Turn on...

217. - Jeff, this is fucking unsafe. - There's no lights!

218. Oh, my God, this is so fucked up.

219. You got snake bit. We got to get you medical attention. Come here.

220. We got to get him to the medic.

221. I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack, dude.

222. Okay, just go straight.

223. Okay.

224. Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!

225. Motherfucker!

226. I don't even know where my glasses are. What the fuck?

227. Great. Fucking awesome.

228. What the fuck is this?

229. Holy shit!

230. Motherfucking...

231. - Oh, my God! - Ow! Fucking bitch!

232. Lights on.

233. Zach, you all right? Holy shit!

234. I heard Zach, and it sounded like he was getting murdered in here.

235. I thought this was the only way to get out, so I just climbed over it.

236. And then it broke.

237. Let Ehren out.

238. Let me out.

239. - Can I go outside now? - No, we're done. We're done.

240. No, we're not.

241. The rest of my life I'm gonna have nightmares, dude.

242. I want to go now. Open that fucking door.

243. - Go out that one. This one is locked. - No. Fuck you!

244. I'll just start a new life in here.

245. I will fucking live here.

246. How's this look?

247. It's fucking lubed up.

248. - Are we sponsored by Glide? - Not yet.

249. Just say, "This is Body Surfing." We don't need your names.

250. - I want to say my name! - All right.

251. This is Zach, I'm Jasper, and this is Body Surfing, motherfucker!

252. Surf 'em! Surf's up!

253. No, no, no!

254. - Bye-bye, Jasper! - Oh, shit, he's hauling ass.

255. The rocks hurt.

256. I'm Poopies, big-time movie star,

257. and today, we're big-wave surfing.

258. Switch!

259. He got knocked off.

260. He has no arms.

261. You have no arms? Oh, that sucks.

262. And then came the heartbreaking news that horses don't have arms.

263. I'm Eric Manaka, and this is the Horse Race.

264. - Put your hat on and go, man. - My eyes!

265. Go! Run, run!

266. Oh, Eric. All back.

267. - You all right? - Is he okay? He's not moving.

268. Well, he can't. His arms are trapped.

269. That fucking hurt.

270. Two, one, go!

271. - Oh, no, we're going the wrong way! - No, you're not.

272. Oh, Jesus Christ.

273. Oh, my God!

274. Holy shit.

275. That was crazy.

276. Oh, my God. I'm not doing that again.

277. This guy's one badass dude right here.

278. - I love you, dude. - That was sick.

279. You showed us how to surf.

280. Yeah, I don't look that good, man.

281. Oh, shit, that's crazy.

282. All right, take off the lid.

283. Go ahead and tap that right over the top of it.

284. Ow! One got me already.

285. Gosh damn.

286. Here comes the queen

287. looking for her king.

288. Jesus Christ, dude, this is fucking...

289. I was like, "Yeah, cool, let's do this!"

290. This little brown box has the queen bee in it.

291. Apparently, she's pretty important.

292. And that's going to attract the other bees to the queen, right?

293. - Yes. - Oh, boy.

294. There's a lot of bees, Steve-O.

295. Just remember, don't pinch between his balls and his booty

296. because he'll feel it real quick.

297. Poopie, relax. Poopie, relax, dawg.

298. Poopies just got stung.

299. Do we add all the bees or is it better to go...

300. You got to kind of gently put 'em up.

301. - Move your hand, Steve-O. - Tilt it.

302. Oh, shit.

303. What? What?

304. God, my fucking dick got one!

305. Put them right up there on top of it.

306. They're really latching on now, Steve-O.

307. - It's working, yeah. - It's going good.

308. It's really going good.

309. Oh, boy, they are really...

310. Oh, goddamn it.

311. Give them a little bridge?

312. There you go. Find your mommy.

313. There's a lot of 'em right in the taint area.

314. Your whole Zen approach to staying calm is really working, Steve-O.

315. That yoga's really been helping.

316. Yeah, I'm meditating.

317. Around the table.

318. It's gonna make you look good, Steve-O.

319. Yeah, it is adding length. It's kind of like Mr. Snuffleupagus.

320. Are you good, O, or what?

321. It moves when you move!

322. Just wiggle it, just wiggle it. Wiggle!

323. The best thing to do is take off running.

324. - Take off, Steve-O, go! - Just take off running.

325. Run, Steve-O!

326. That's the only way the bees won't sting you.

327. I got a fucking ball sack full of bee stingers too.

328. Yeah, I got a fucking bunch of 'em.

329. Hello, my name is Irving Zisman.

330. This is my good-for-nothing granddaughter

331. and our not-so-handy handyman, Zach.

332. Today, we're going to do a little furniture shopping.

333. Hey, do you guys think this looks straight or is it sort of...

334. I just think if it was...

335. If you would hang the top left side, I could tell if it's straight or not.

336. Okay, for sure.

337. Is everything on sale?

338. Right now, I'm just doing the pillows. They're half price today.

339. Oh, okay. Thank you, son.

340. But I'm sure everything might be on sale today.

341. Wow.

342. What is this over here?

343. This is pretty good.

344. A fella could have a pretty good time on this.

345. Hey, can you hand me the black tape?

346. My God.

347. What the hell happened?

348. Are you okay?

349. I went up high as a moose's caboose!

350. Oh, my God.

351. - Did you do that? - I'm so sorry.

352. This is my second day on the job. I fell off.

353. You trying to take advantage of a defenseless old man?

354. Grandpa, are you okay?

355. I was attacked.

356. He went higher than that roof. He went all the way up in there.

357. - What? - You see this thing right here?

358. Your grandfather just sat on it and laid back.

359. And this guy fell down, and it knocked your grandfather through the roof.

360. Jesus, he does this shit all the time.

361. I'm Rob Dyrdek, and this is Musical Chair Bags.

362. Incredible fine young men. New talent. War dogs.

363. War dogs. New talent.

364. One of them is about to get blown sky-high.

365. The rest are gonna get really lucky and just sit comfortably.

366. Our DJ for the day is Miss Rachel Wolfson.

367. Wee Man's going to space.

368. Shit.

369. Wee Man, I'm sorry, man.

370. How many times do we get to play?

371. This is probably a oner.

372. Shit!

373. - I'm loving the energy, fellas. - Keep it up. Nice twirls.

374. The happiness.

375. Oh, shit, get in it!

376. And let's keep going.

377. Good one! Good shit.

378. Find your chairs!

379. One more time!

380. Yay! More fun!

381. What happened to the dancing?

382. Let's do it already!

383. Wee Man is not happy. He's not happy!

384. - Wee Man, come on! - Get some spirit in it.

385. Holy fuck!

386. - Oh, man. - What happened to you?

387. I believe he shot up and into the hole, man.

388. Wee Man flipped!

389. How did you go backwards?

390. We have our champion.

391. - I landed on all that shit. - Look at the safety precautions.

392. I thought we were supposed to have pads on the tubes and the metal.

393. Forgot that detail.

394. Once upon a time lived a father and son, imprisoned on the island of Crete.

395. Tired of life in the joint,

396. the father had the son gather up feathers lying around the cell

397. and made them both wings.

398. And they went off to escape the Isle of Crete forever.

399. But there was one thing they left out of the ancient myth:

400. The cannon.

401. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is the Flight of Icarus.

402. And if you think we're wearing underpants under these tunics,

403. you're sadly mistaken, my friend.

404. A little something for you?

405. They should just point it straight up.

406. Either way it goes, he'll land in this lake.

407. How big of an angle is it gonna be?

408. Oh, God, they're gonna make it bad.

409. Oh, they're doing it.

410. - Oh, man, that's steep. - Holy shit, Knox.

411. In ten,

412. nine, eight, seven, six, five,

413. four, three, two, one!

414. I felt like I got a 200-pound colonic up my ass.

415. You flew like an angel!

416. Unfortunately, young Icarus got a little bit cocky,

417. and, sure enough, flew too close to the sun,

418. and fell to his doom.

419. - That was rad. Dude. - There's blood on the elbows.

420. Attaboy. You got it, man. Fucking right on, dude.

421. - The wrist okay? - Yeah.

422. Good job.

423. This is the Quiet Game.

424. The object of this game is to remain completely silent.

425. How was that?

426. Do we all understand the rules, and we're not gonna make any noise?

427. All right. Well, let's get started.

428. Rachel, your challenge in the Quiet Game is to lick the electric lollipop.

429. Are you ready?

430. Our first mime did really well.

431. Way to go.

432. The bar has been set. It's gonna be hard to beat.

433. For our next challenge, our friend Jules here

434. is going to help Poopies kiss this deadly viper.

435. - What kind of snake is it? - It's a Texas rat snake.

436. Ooh, he's a feisty little bugger. How you feeling, Poopies?

437. They venomous?

438. We ready?

439. - Go, go, go. - Go in for the kiss.

440. Have to get in closer. Closer. Closer.

441. Up and down, up and down. Up and down.

442. You know, you don't... Stay!

443. Give him a kiss.

444. - Move your head. - Closer. Closer.

445. - Oh, my God! - You got another one. Go, go, go!

446. We didn't get it. Come on, Poopies, you need to go again.

447. - One more. You got this. - You can do it.

448. Right there. Touch his tail. Do it. Come on, man.

449. Oh, my goodness.

450. A little kissy.

451. Oh, my goodness!

452. Rachel and Poopies laying down the gauntlet on Steve-O.

453. I got to save you!

454. I'm saving you!

455. I got to save Jeff!

456. Oh, fuck!

457. I have one on me.

458. I couldn't get it out.

459. So, confidence is very, very high with our third contestant, Steve-O,

460. for the skateboard guillotine.

461. Wow! He's talking smack.

462. That's some mime shit-talking over there.

463. All the way.

464. All the way?

465. He's bold.

466. He's very cocky, this guy. All right.

467. On three.

468. I forgot to be fucking quiet, dude.

469. Well, we have our winners,

470. and we have Steve-O.

471. Zackass! He's a real wild, crazy guy

472. He's a gnarly superstar Zackass!

473. There's nothing he won't do Zackass!

474. He'll jump in cactus for you

475. While we all stand and laugh

476. Go, go, Zach!

477. The Jackass guys are getting old We paid our dues

478. So we're handing the torch to you

479. Zackass!

480. All right.

481. Man, that was good.

482. What are you going to be doing today?

483. Hit somebody in the nuts.

484. Francis hits harder than any heavyweight in the MMA.

485. It's insane.

486. - Does Ehren know this? - No, I told Ehren it was a lightweight.

487. I didn't tell him it was a heavyweight. Jeff and I forgot to mention that.

488. All right, he's coming, guys.

489. That's not a fucking lightweight! What are you guys talking about?

490. What? No.

491. What's going on here?

492. You guys...

493. Almost twenty years ago today, we filmed the original cup test.

494. I'm Johnny Knoxville. This is the Cup Test.

495. And now twenty years later, we're still doing the same stupid shit.

496. This is the Cup Test.

497. I love how you're smiling at him too.

498. I just Googled "the hardest punch ever recorded."

499. "Francis Ngannou's punch is the equivalent

500. of being hit by a Ford Escort at top speed."

501. "His punch is the equivalent of..."

502. Wait. You don't need to read that now.

503. You're about to be hit by a car, Ehren!

504. - All right, fight fans. - All right, we're ready.

505. - Did you hear something break? - Yeah.

506. I heard this, like, crack.

507. I thought it was the cup.

508. Is that the hardest you've ever hit someone in the ding-ding?

509. Oh, yeah.

510. Because I never hit somebody in the ding-ding on purpose.

511. Eric, what's about to go down here?

512. Ehren's gonna get the world's fastest softball pitcher.

513. She's gonna pitch a softball at his balls.

514. We ain't a fucking bunch of NASA scientists over here.

515. This ain't a Mensa convention. We're getting down and dirty.

516. I'm Danger Ehren, and this is the Softball Test.

517. Play ball!

518. She can't wait to hit him in the nuts.

519. That was all thigh.

520. - Don't turn! That would've hit him. - You turned into it!

521. - Wait, you can't quit already! - Close your eyes.

522. That would've hit you in the ding-ding and you'd have been done for the day.

523. It's a softball.

524. There's nothing soft about this fucking ball, it's just bigger.

525. She keeps hitting him in the same exact spot.

526. - You're moving, dude! - Why'd you move?

527. I don't know!

528. Don't hang brains out the side.

529. I'm not trying to, but it keeps slipping around.

530. You're wearing it backwards or upside down.

531. I don't need physics from you guys right now.

532. Physics!

533. Fuck yeah, let's go!

534. Bullseye!

535. Ehren.

536. What the fuck, dude?

537. No, no, time out!

538. Hey, Ehren!

539. No joke, you're fucked. You're done.

540. I'm here with professional hockey player P.K. Subban.

541. This is the Hockey Cup Test.

542. All right. Yeah!

543. Come on.

544. That was about 85 miles per hour.

545. Holy shit, man! That fucking knocked me out.

546. What the fuck, man? That was insane!

547. - Now I'm gonna go for your nuts. - Oh, God.

548. Fuck you, Ehren!

549. We got him! That a boy.

550. We got the whambulance coming for you if you don't get to this next bit.

551. I'll tell you right now,

552. if the jokes continue, I will stand up and walk away.

553. He's going to take his nuts and go home?

554. - Sneak up on it. - Teasing. He's teasing.

555. Not teasing!

556. Perfect.

557. Oh, my goodness.

558. His nuts are bleeding. We got blood.

559. I'm sorry, Ehren.

560. Fuck, this cup sucked!

561. This is the worst cup of them all.

562. I'm starting to think those cups don't work, dude.

563. That cup sucks.

564. Yeah, it slipped down and pinned your nut to the ground.

565. Oh, my God!

566. Fuck, dude.

567. Good job.

568. Lance? How you doing, Lance?

569. Dude, grab the camera.

570. Let me have your camera, Lance.

571. Can I get another mask?

572. Can Lance get another mask, please?

573. Jeff, you got any predictions who we might get today with this?

574. I'm worried. We've been hitting the guys pretty hard all week, so

575. their nerves are pretty well shot.

576. And if they do trust us to go to the bathroom today

577. they're pretty less intelligent than I thought.

578. We're gonna build Cobra Kai dojos all over this valley.

579. - Hell yeah, we are. - I haven't seen it yet.

580. I'm gonna watch it.

581. Wee Man would totally be a Cobra Kai.

582. Miyagi's dojo is not even worried about it. Cobra Kai rules.

583. What happened?

584. I don't know, dude.

585. - I was trying to take a shit. - What did you do to our outhouse?

586. Even with an outbreak, you're still blowing people up.

587. As if life's not hard enough.

588. To fart or not to fart? That is the question.

589. Well, I hope to.

590. Because we've been trying to get this bit for 14 years.

591. Trying to light a fart underwater.

592. Since Jackass Number Two.

593. - Get your fucking ass up there. - Well, let me do it, man.

594. He's a loose cannon.

595. - Oh, God. - I didn't mean to do that.

596. Who didn't see that coming?

597. I am very excited, because we are lighting the first ever fart underwater.

598. And Tory Belleci is here today to help us achieve our dream.

599. It's good to have dreams.

600. So, somebody is going to sit in the tank.

601. And when they fart, that glass dome is our fart catcher.

602. Inside there we have a little bit of oxygen and a spark.

603. So hopefully, once that methane gas gets caught in there,

604. it'll ignite and we'll get the underwater exploding fart.

605. Steve-O, are you ready to make history?

606. I'm ready to get in there and see what happens.

607. Oh, my goodness, folks, we're about to make history with Steve-O!

608. Okay, make sure his feet look good.

609. - You ready? - Yeah, I'm ready.

610. - It's in there, man. - Remember to give us a countdown.

611. It's in there.

612. "How was work today, honey?"

613. - I know I'm gonna get it. - Just relax.

614. We got a fart!

615. That was a huge one.

616. - They're perfect bombs. - There are, like, ten.

617. There's not enough methane in his farts.

618. The spark in that bowl is going nonstop though.

619. So we just need to catch enough farts.

620. Count us down when you got...

621. The farts aren't igniting.

622. - We need an open flame. - Yeah, bring it in.

623. This won't hurt a bit.

624. Come on, O.

625. - There's bubbles. - There's bubbles. Catch it!

626. Yeah, get it! Catch it!

627. - It worked! - Wait, was that it? Was that it?

628. Yes!

629. I'm not a fucking scientist, man, but that sounded pretty sweet.

630. How did that explode?

631. The spark in the fart catcher exploded it.

632. That fucking really rocked my balls, dude, that's for sure.

633. All right, Jaws, you ready?

634. Catch him!

635. Jesus Christ! What the fuck?

636. Dude, I was like, "Catch him!"

637. - Are you okay? - Yeah, man.

638. - Where were you? - I was...

639. - "Where were you?" - You were supposed to catch him!

640. What's going on, Jasper?

641. Today we got my dad, Dark Shark, on set,

642. and honestly, I don't think he's gonna like it.

643. Why not?

644. You know my dad. Ex-convict, ex-gangbanger. Doesn't fear anything.

645. Except he kind of doesn't like bugs or spiders, cats, dogs.

646. Basically anything that's not normal to the 'hood.

647. So we're gonna fuck with him today, and it should be good.

648. This is Dark Shark, our newest star. He's Jasper's dad.

649. He's going to battle Ehren in the spider helmet.

650. You look scareder than me, and this is your shit!

651. Shall we begin taping, fellas?

652. I'ma fuck you up, man. You supposed to be having my back, motherfucker.

653. I got you a job, man.

654. Don't do it, I'm telling you. I'm gonna flip this chair over.

655. If I flip the chair over, that thing gonna bite me?

656. - No. - You got to be careful with the spider.

657. - You can't hurt the spider. - I'm just worried about breathing.

658. I don't even like handcuffs on me no more.

659. We're gonna leave the tape.

660. You got it, dawg.

661. All right, here we go, fellas.

662. - How is that? - Oh, shit. Hell no.

663. By the way, the loser has to take the bite from the spider.

664. - What? - Yeah.

665. - Jules, can you bring in the spider? - Love to.

666. You got it, Dark Shark.

667. This one's an absolute bastard.

668. Oh, hell, nah.

669. All right, let's go.

670. On the count of three. One, two, three, and

671. he's in.

672. Blow! Blow! Blow!

673. Dark Shark! Don't move, Dark Shark!

674. Dark Shark, stay down!

675. Oh, shit!

676. Chill! Chill! Chill!

677. Yeah, you got it. You got it, man. Chill.

678. It's not gonna touch you. Chill.

679. You're good, you're good.

680. Dark Shark, why you pulling on me?

681. I think he passed out.

682. Dark Shark, let go of Jules.

683. You got to let go. You got to sit down. Calm down.

684. Don't hurt the spider.

685. If you let go of me, I will get the spider out.

686. - Who is that? - That's Johnny.

687. Hey, this way.

688. Okay, I'm getting it. I'm gonna pull him out.

689. He's out, he's out.

690. He's out!

691. All right! We have our winner!

692. Dark Shark!

693. How the fuck is he gonna be the winner?

694. - Get it off me. - How is he the winner?

695. - Ehren has to take a bite from the spider. - I didn't do anything!

696. - This man was brave. - Brave?

697. - The spider went in his helmet! - Great job, Dark Shark.

698. Man, I was like... It was either my life or you.

699. I was like, "Fuck your life." I was like, "Man!"

700. I'm tapped out and hear him still kicking.

701. I'm like, "He dead. I feel like grabbing his ass!"

702. That little bastard.

703. - So where should it bite him? - Just do it on my arm. It's fine.

704. Have it crawl onto my arm.

705. - Nipple! - I just won't do it.

706. I like nipple. Nipple.

707. - Just do a boob. - All right, fine.

708. Nipple, no. Boob, sure.

709. He's gonna bite him for real?

710. Oh, my God.

711. Oh, yeah. Your man titties are looking dope.

712. Oh, my God, look at his fangs!

713. - I don't want to see the fangs. - Make sure Ehren sees the fangs.

714. Whoa, wait a minute!

715. - No. Ehren lay down. - Wait a minute.

716. - Look at the venom! - I'll show you the venom.

717. Oh, my God.

718. Here, hold my hand, Steve-O.

719. - "Hold my hand, Steve-O." - Hold his hand, Steve-O.

720. Pierce that nipple.

721. One, two, three.

722. Oh, shit!

723. Oh, shit!

724. - Did it go in or no? - Oh, yes.

725. Yeah, it fucking went in.

726. You went from a triple-A to a B on this side.

727. Yeah, Ehren.

728. Watch out, Ehren!

729. Oh, my God, I thought it was the real thing.

730. I'm done. I don't care.

731. I'm out of here. No more of this spider crap. I'm out.

732. Excuse me, ma'am.

733. I need to get my basket closer to this pole.

734. - Do you think you could help me, ma'am? - Sure.

735. There's a red handle at the back of this truck.

736. It's more of a pinky orange.

737. - This one? - Yeah, pull back on it just a little.

738. Wait, should I do reverse?

739. Yeah, do the reverse.

740. No, no! That was... No!

741. Why did you hit the red one?

742. Help! Help me!

743. Hit the lever! Hit the lever!

744. The blue! The override!

745. I don't know where the blue is!

746. Are you color-blind? Please help me!

747. I'm trying to help you, sir!

748. Just do the override, like it says.

749. It doesn't say shit here!

750. Pop to the right, then slide.

751. Pop and slide!

752. You just got me electrocuted!

753. Oh! My ass!

754. You forgot the slide.

755. God! I don't want to touch anything because I don't know what I'm doing.

756. You got to touch something, I got to get down from here!

757. Which one?

758. Well, don't hit the ones you've been hitting

759. because you've been hitting the wrong ones!

760. - I don't know what I'm doing. - Well, clearly.

761. Have you seen Dirty Dancing?

762. No.

763. - The old one, you mean, with the chair? - The only one.

764. - That's Flashdance. - Flashdance is what I'm thinking.

765. Dirty Dancing with Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze.

766. And for the final dance, she runs at Patrick Swayze,

767. and he catches her and he lifts her off the ground?

768. - Can you do that with Preston? - I think I could.

769. Yeah, work it out a little bit. I want more than just a big jump.

770. - Oh, my God, I just shit my pants. - Shut up.

771. You're joking, right?

772. - Did you really? - I just shit my pants.

773. I just shit my fucking pants.

774. - Yeah, he did. - I just shit my pants.

775. I fucking shit my pants! Oh, my God!

776. - Why did you shit your pants? - I didn't mean to.

777. Oh, man.

778. Technically, you just shit our pants.

779. Well, I think the show must go on. I don't see how it stops us.

780. - It's so gross. - Oh, dude.

781. It's so fucking gross.

782. Pants full of shit.

783. God, it smells.

784. I should not have ate Indian and Cuban food in the same day.

785. We might be losing Lance again.

786. Oh, yuck!

787. I'm a grown man.

788. I'm 51 years old.

789. Lance, we need a closer shot of it.

790. Oh, yuck!

791. Preston should've pooped before he came to work today.

792. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

793. Marker.

794. Hello, my name's Johnny Knoxville, and this is the Marching Band.

795. Ladies!

796. It happened so fast!

797. Damn, I got a hard head.

798. - Oh, my God. You all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.

799. Oh, my God. He's bleeding.

800. My hairline is receding.

801. Steve-O, you okay?

802. You all right, Steve-O?

803. Holy shit.

804. Man, that happened fast.

805. All that practicing right out the window.

806. I feel like I'm coming back to myself, but I can't remember nothing.

807. - I didn't wimp out, did I? - No, you didn't.

808. You still got those million-dollar teeth, that's for sure.

809. They're dropping like flies.

810. I never know what to say into Rick's camera.

811. I'm just like, "Uh-huh, man, I'm on Jackass. This is sick."

812. I mean, I'm in the TV show I used to watch, man.

813. Everything I say is gonna end up on the cutting room floor anyway,

814. so it doesn't matter.

815. - Hi, how you doing? - Hi.

816. - Can I get a cold brew? - Yeah, of course.

817. - Do you mind if I get a photo? - Sure.

818. I'm a big fan.

819. You assholes! Fucking did it. God!

820. What did you guys do to Eric?

821. Everything was perfect. I was like, "Cold-brew coffee, all right!"

822. "Yes, please."

823. "A picture? Okay, yeah, sure."

824. What happened?

825. What do you mean, what happened? He just got his nuts beat up!

826. His balls are in his tummy.

827. Fuck, it hurts. Goddamn, it hurts!

828. I think we got to go one more.

829. Can you do one more?

830. Jeff said he needs one more.

831. Hey, Wee Man, help him get through that hole.

832. I'll guide.

833. They're not hanging as low as they were.

834. - Can you blame him? - No.

835. I'm getting them right now.

836. - Ehren "Fluffer" McGhehey. - Not too rough, Ehren.

837. Oh, my God!

838. - Oh, fuck, it hurts. - Hold on, get ready!

839. Okay, there.

840. Now we're primed.

841. You fucker!

842. We ready? Action.

843. Everybody shut up!

844. Boxer.

845. Oh, Preston.

846. Here with Steve-O and our special handsome guest-star, Machine Gun Kelly.

847. This is the Bicycle Backhand, and it's a competition.

848. The faster you pedal your bike, the faster the other guy's hand goes back.

849. And when it gets to a certain point, boom, someone's gonna get launched.

850. You might be younger, taller, better looking, richer, more talented,

851. but, motherfucker, I could ride!

852. Steve-O's just eat up with envy.

853. Charlie, can you push that hand in a little closer?

854. Okay. I'm gonna push it forward a little.

855. Shit! What the fuck?

856. No one was even filming.

857. It happened so fast!

858. Oh, my God, dude.

859. Dry off, Steve-O. It's coming again.

860. Charlie just touched it, it went boom.

861. And now Steve-O has to do it twice.

862. - We ready? - Yep.

863. On your marks, get set, go!

864. Pedal, pedal, pedal!

865. Don't give up, don't give up. Keep going! Keep going!

866. - Steve-O's winning, right? - I don't know.

867. Head up!

868. - Don't gas out, Steve-O! - Steve-O, you got it!

869. It's so cold.

870. Bunny! Help him!

871. The water's so fucking cold! You should've saved me, motherfucker. Focus!

872. I need a towel.

873. Towels! I totally forgot I was the lifeguard.

874. Dude, it's so cold. That hurt so bad. You got towels?

875. He's in shock right now. Look at his face.

876. I thought my hand was your hand.

877. Maybe I didn't explain it right.

878. You said it wasn't gonna feel like anything.

879. What hurt worse, the cold water or the hit?

880. It was the hand, man. That was hard.

881. I was in the water like, "Oh, I'm dead."

882. - That really worked. - Yeah, you back-flipped.

883. How did you beat me?

884. I don't know, dude. I don't know.

885. I was coming off my pedals, it was not my strongest performance.

886. Yours was really bad.

887. I don't know what's worse,

888. the wedgie or these junkyard mattresses you got to land on.

889. Look at that pee-stained one right there.

890. Ew, dude.

891. Who do you think's more afraid of being at that height? Preston or Zach?

892. - How are you with heights, Zach? - I already hate this.

893. I'm Wee Man, and this is the Triple Wedgie.

894. Three, two, one. Jump!

895. Help!

896. Okay, let me down!

897. Jeff, let me down!

898. Look at that! Come here, fellas!

899. Ow! My nuts!

900. Well, that went well.

901. Oh, God!

902. A little angel hanging in the air.

903. Hollywood has long put tremendous pressure on women to look youthful and sexy.

904. And sometimes the only way to do that

905. is with a team of medical professionals, and

906. venomous insects.

907. I'm Rachel, and this is Scorpion Botox.

908. This is actually my first time performing this procedure, to be honest with you.

909. Oh, my God. That stinger is huge.

910. - Pontius, I'm trusting you with my lips. - You can trust me, I'm a doctor.

911. You want to just put him on my mouth and then fuck with him?

912. Touch her lip. There you go, man.

913. Just relax and enjoy the procedure.

914. - He's on. - Oh, no.

915. Oh, my God.

916. - Boob job! - No, I don't want it on my boob!

917. I can't take him off your boob without permission.

918. Permission!

919. Consent. I'm giving you consent.

920. 21st century, people.

921. All right, time to get stung in the face.

922. This is intense.

923. - Good job. - He got it on my lip.

924. You're ready for the red carpet.

925. Oh, shit. He's angry.

926. - Whoa, shit! - Fucking gorgeous!

927. Goddamn it, Doctor.

928. Nice.

929. He definitely stung my chin.

930. You came for lips and left with a new chin.

931. Do you feel sexier?

932. I'm feeling sexier by the minute.

933. - Do you have one more in you? - Yeah, sure.

934. Let's make it count.

935. - He's coming. - You got it, Doc.

936. Oh, my God. That hurt so fucking bad.

937. That hurt so bad.

938. It should. This is a very venomous insect.

939. Oh, shit.

940. Her lips are really swollen now. That shit works.

941. My lip is so fucked up, you guys. I feel fucked up.

942. But she looks great.

943. Whoa, a VCR!

944. - What? - A VCR.

945. Oh, that's a blast from the past, huh? Dang!

946. Ah, that'll work.

947. Whoa!

948. - What the hell? - What the fuck?

949. What happened?

950. Holy crap! I fell on my face.

951. - Are you okay? - I'm okay, I just don't understand.

952. I don't understand why you were using the toilet.

953. How did you end up here?

954. And you just took a shit in this man's yard!

955. I didn't take anything.

956. - That was insane. - What kind of person are you?

957. We have every available fan in Los Angeles on set today.

958. The two in the middle go 100 miles an hour.

959. I'm Jasper, and I'm about to take this gold chair to the fucking moon.

960. Oh, my God!

961. And we have a winner!

962. Fucking crazy!

963. Look at his bare feet!

964. Oh, fuck. I want to go again!

965. Now it's time for some hot-shit waterskiing.

966. Brah!

967. We need a medic! Medic!

968. - You lost. - Shit!

969. Fuck, dude.

970. Dude, Poopies.

971. Poopies! Poopies!

972. Yeah, Poopies.

973. It worked!

974. Shit! Dude!

975. Quiet, please! Filming.

976. Milk, milk, lemonade Turn the corner and fudge is made

977. Stick your finger in the hole Now you've got a Tootsie Roll

978. All right, quiet, please!

979. Everybody quiet. So he can sing "Milk, Milk, Lemonade."

980. "Okay, this is serious. Everybody, shut up."

981. All right, let's get some smoke.

982. Behold.

983. Our twisted souls have come to the Garden of Death

984. to dine with the Devil.

985. It's time to sacrifice Wee Man's juicy ass to the Raptor from Hell.

986. Looking good!

987. Assume the position.

988. Which way? This way?

989. Just have fun with it.

990. - What do you have in there? - Just me!

991. - That's not just you. - Go ahead!

992. - Is that... - Wait a minute, I'm not...

993. That's him!

994. When the beast awakens, the monster arises.

995. Touché.

996. All right. Whoa, dude, whoa.

997. Stuff it in his butt and let's go.

998. Okay! There's enough meat there.

999. And a cherry on top.

1000. Let the unholy sacrament begin.

1001. Come.

1002. Okay!

1003. No!

1004. Oh, shit!

1005. Feast on this cock.

1006. Stop, man, stop. Don't do that.

1007. As the blood rushes to the mast,

1008. the beast awakens from his ancient slumber.

1009. - He's bleeding. - Fuck, come on!

1010. The beast has drawn blood.

1011. Jeff!

1012. Jeff, can I get out?

1013. In a second.

1014. - Jeff. - I would, but the bird's right here.

1015. We're trying to get you untied, but the bird's here.

1016. Before he returns to hell, it's time for dessert.

1017. Come on, let's go!

1018. Fuck!

1019. - Don't kick the bird, Wee Man. - I didn't kick the bird!

1020. - Okay, let me out! - Okay, let him out.

1021. Let's not let this meat go to waste.

1022. Dark Shark?

1023. Hell, no. I ain't going near none of that.

1024. Hell, nah!

1025. Look at that motherfucker.

1026. Dark Shark, just put it on your arm.

1027. Hell, nah. You crazy?

1028. - Yeah, Dark Shark. - Come on!

1029. Dark Shark! Dark Shark! Dark Shark!

1030. Hold your arm straight so it can balance.

1031. - Look at the camera. - Look at Rick, right here.

1032. Don't move!

1033. Don't move. Just stay still.

1034. - Ow, he's biting my arm! - No, he's not. He's testing your arm.

1035. He's too heavy!

1036. - Look at Rick, look at Rick! - Get him off me!

1037. Thank you. I feel that shit. That mofo was trying to hurt me, man.

1038. I'm kind of embarrassed right now. It's like...

1039. I came out of his penis, man. It's like he acting...

1040. Hood card taken away.

1041. We have fifteen gallons of pig semen.

1042. Turns out pigs produce the most semen of any animal.

1043. Up to seventeen ounces a load.

1044. The guys are going to think they're getting interviewed about the movie,

1045. and while they're sitting there, something may happen.

1046. Even got his crust on top of it.

1047. Harvested gallons and gallons of this. Does it smell like pig semen?

1048. Does it smell?

1049. Why are you looking at me like that?

1050. Oh, no!

1051. It's semen, all right.

1052. Why am I the one to puke? I don't puke.

1053. - I just wanted you to smell it. - I wanted to surprise you.

1054. It's been a while since I ate the horse semen,

1055. but I think I prefer the pig.

1056. Bacon's better than horsemeat, right?

1057. I'm Tyler, and this is the Electric Tap Dance.

1058. And while these beautiful men dance away,

1059. I'm gonna give my guy Johnny Knoxville a look,

1060. and he's gonna put some pep in their step.

1061. It's gonna shock the shit out of 'em.

1062. And if you're wondering if the curtains match the drapes,

1063. let me tell you, I tore those drapes out a long time ago.

1064. This is fucked.

1065. That hurt like a motherfucker.

1066. Shanna, what the fuck is this on this seat?

1067. What is this? What the fuck is that?

1068. It is an electric piano.

1069. - What is that? - It's how this works. This goes into that.

1070. In tune? It's a piano!

1071. It's metal right here. I'm not fucking stupid.

1072. All right, let's go. Let's do it. Quiet, quiet, quiet!

1073. Ow! Shit!

1074. I still feel it in my ass.

1075. - Yeah, Tyler! - Those shits hit hard, man.

1076. How about a hand for our dancers?

1077. Our showgirl!

1078. And our choreographer, Michael Rooney!

1079. And Jeff Tremaine!

1080. Boo!

1081. Jeff should sit on that.

1082. Jeff, sit on that once, bro.

1083. Who got the remote? I fucking hate Jeff.

1084. Are you on it?

1085. Fuck you, Jeff.

1086. Yes!

1087. Holy shit!

1088. All right. Thanks, man. We'll do this real fast.

1089. So weird to come from that to this. I just got shocked so many times.

1090. Are we rolling, guys?

1091. He's about to have five gallons of pig cum dumped on him.

1092. Damn, that sounds like me in London.

1093. Oh, my God.

1094. But how did he fucking fall for this?

1095. We don't question it.

1096. My favorite Jackass stunt of all time with me in it

1097. is the Firehose Rodeo.

1098. To be honest, I drank late into the night. Woke up still drunk.

1099. That's cum.

1100. That's five gallons of pig cum!

1101. You just got cummed on, dude!

1102. What is it?

1103. Pig cum.

1104. Pig cum.

1105. - That's pig cum? - That's pig cum.

1106. Five gallons.

1107. Honestly, how does it taste?

1108. I'm a vegetarian!

1109. Watch the replay! Watch this.

1110. Oh, my God, dude.

1111. Wait, wait. Watch his mouth.

1112. Stay on his mouth.

1113. Ready? And...

1114. - It went into his mouth. - Right in his fucking mouth.

1115. You look great.

1116. I just said, "Why can't I wear my cool hat?"

1117. Now I know why.

1118. Oh, God!

1119. Oh, my God, dude.

1120. So today, Ehren's gonna be wearing a shock collar,

1121. and I'm going to administer a lie detector test.

1122. And if he's not truthful, he's going to get stung.

1123. Jesus, man!

1124. You don't have to feel that again as long as you tell the truth.

1125. Okay, but come on.

1126. All right.

1127. What is your name?

1128. Kenneth Ehren McGhehey.

1129. Okay. Next question, Ehren.

1130. Are you really allergic to bees?

1131. Yes.

1132. Oh, boy. I think he told a porky.

1133. I'm fucking allergic to bees, man! I got tested by doctors!

1134. Stop it!

1135. Just for a second. Let me figure some things out real quick.

1136. I got to get out of this thing somehow.

1137. This'll keep you immune to the bees.

1138. Come on. Are you fucking kidding me? Look, I am trapped

1139. and you're putting honey on me.

1140. And salmon?

1141. - Yeah. - What are you doing?

1142. Ehren, please relax.

1143. You're making this much worse on yourself than it needs to be.

1144. No, it's not much worse, it is that worse! Please.

1145. Now I'm stuck in a room. Everyone's gonna leave. Lights out.

1146. The fucking honey's in my eye!

1147. Aw, shit.

1148. Oh, my God.

1149. - Look at his face. He can't believe this. - No fucking way!

1150. Look at his face!

1151. Ehren, remain calm.

1152. Talk to it, Ehren. Try to calm it down. Oh, no. It's going for the salmon.

1153. Oh, no.

1154. Hi, bear.

1155. Are you really allergic to bees, Ehren?

1156. You're telling a porky.

1157. I didn't even get to answer.

1158. No, no.

1159. Ehren, don't make any sudden movements.

1160. There's nothing more in there. There's nothing more in there.

1161. Mr. Bear, eat that dick.

1162. I'm ready to come out of this.

1163. Fuck, dude, he tried to bite my hand!

1164. He's trying to bite my hand! He's trying to bite my hand!

1165. I don't know what... Oh, my God!

1166. Oh, my God. Oh, God.

1167. - Oh, he's really nibbling. - Oh, God!

1168. Oh, my God, he's going for my dick.

1169. I got to go in there.

1170. I really want to get out of here, man. I'm serious.

1171. Please?

1172. Please!

1173. Yeah, Ehren!

1174. Get him out of it.

1175. I feel for you, bro.

1176. You're good. You're done.

1177. Is it actually over?

1178. Yeah, buddy.

1179. All right. I think this is the perfect amount in it.

1180. - Who's got it? I thought I had it. - I've got it.

1181. This is gnarly. This is a trip.

1182. While you guys are tightening that,

1183. I'm gonna have to hold the tip of it just to keep it steady.

1184. Ooh, it's starting to take a firm grip.

1185. Look at it!

1186. This is some medieval shit.

1187. - Thanks, bro. - Got you, man.

1188. It's tight, man.

1189. That don't hurt?

1190. That's the weird part, it doesn't really hurt. Oh, my God.

1191. Don't look now, but it's flat as a pancake.

1192. A lot of people ask,

1193. "What will Jackass be like once we're older?"

1194. Well, it'll get more mature.

1195. Me and the homeys be googling weird shit, but this would never pop in their head.

1196. This is brand-new.

1197. Yeah, you're for sure never gonna be president.

1198. You never know. I'd vote for him.

1199. Oh, my God!

1200. Now we know what that's all about.

1201. So, here we are back at the bull ring.

1202. Even at a time when I wanted to die, I wouldn't get in the bull ring. You know?

1203. When life was its least valuable, I would have no part in this bullshit.

1204. And it's my least favorite thing.

1205. The movie's going so well. Why the fuck are we doing this?

1206. Fucking violent.

1207. God, dude.

1208. I don't think he's very happy.

1209. Have you been around bulls before?

1210. I've never been around a bull in my whole entire life. Not a real one.

1211. Oh, shit. Oh, shit!

1212. Hello, I am Johnny the Magnificent.

1213. Today I am going to wow you with my supreme skills of prestidigitation.

1214. Oh, fuck! Oh, God!

1215. Oh, shit!

1216. Oh, no. Oh, shit!

1217. Hey, J, talk to me. You okay?

1218. You doing okay? Johnny?

1219. - He's getting back, he's coming to. - He's coming back, yeah.

1220. That was a violent brawl. One-sided, to be sure.

1221. - Did we get it, Jeff? - You got exactly what you wanted.

1222. - Yeah, Knox. - Oh, fuck.

1223. - So what happened after it hit me? - Dude, it's gnarly.

1224. This is you. This is the bull.

1225. He didn't mess around, dude. He turned around and just nailed him.

1226. - That was insane. - Yeah, Knox.

1227. It's probably the biggest hit you've ever taken.

1228. And that's why he is the captain.

1229. That bull didn't like fucking magic.

1230. Yeah, Knox! We love you!

1231. Love you!

1232. Captain!

1233. Hello, Lance.

1234. - Why, hello there. - How are you?

1235. Good. What's new?

1236. I got a broken wrist, broken rib, concussion.

1237. But I was supposed to pour the milk in the hat,

1238. and then put the hat back on, and no milk come out.

1239. Did milk come out?

1240. There is some milk on the trampling, yeah.

1241. Aw, shit!

1242. These guys are going to get on that centrifuge back there,

1243. drink as much milk as they can.

1244. We're gonna see what happens.

1245. This is the Vomitron.

1246. Yeah, dude, taste the rainbow!

1247. Good luck, guys.

1248. If this is a race to see who vomits first...

1249. I think I might have it.

1250. Zach, aim your head down when you throw up.

1251. - It's coming right at me. - Oh, God.

1252. I can barely taste the pig cum in this.

1253. Right?

1254. All right, chug, chug.

1255. Oh, shit. Here we go.

1256. - Fuck me. - Just look at me, Eric.

1257. - Pound that milk! - Yeah, chug it!

1258. Is he already puking? Jasper!

1259. - I'm trying! I'm fucking trying! - Drink that fucking milk!

1260. Let's pick up the speed!

1261. Ooh, it's picking up now!

1262. God, what the fuck did you eat?

1263. What did he eat?

1264. Go, go, go.

1265. Oh, shit! What's happening now?

1266. There's an Army truck.

1267. Holy shit!

1268. I'm starting to pass out. I'm passing out.

1269. Zach's passing out.

1270. I can't drink the milk. I'm going too fast.

1271. Red Robin 3, this is Big Hank 2.

1272. I want the perimeter bombed, goddamn it!

1273. Bomb them into the Stone Age, son!

1274. Stop! Stop!

1275. What the fuck?

1276. Oh, no!

1277. It's paintball time!

1278. Fire!

1279. Stop! Stop!

1280. No more!

1281. Fuck! I got shot in the fucking mouth!

1282. Dave!

1283. Dave, get on the stretcher!

1284. Don't get me, asshole!

1285. Someday this war's gonna end.

1286. I don't know how to get out!

1287. Help me, Eric! Help me!

1288. I love the smell of paintballs in the morning!

1289. Fuck, Jeff!

1290. Look at Dave's face!

1291. Yeah, look at it! Oh, my God.

1292. Fuck off! Fuck all the way off!

1293. Dude, what the fuck?

1294. - I'm sorry, bro. - That fucking hurt.

1295. Get out there, get out there.

1296. Poopies is hurt.

1297. Are we done?

1298. Let me see. Oh, my God!

1299. Oh, my God! Damn!

1300. - My dick really hurts. - He got shot in the dick.

1301. That was fucked.

1302. Oh, God. Look at that.

1303. It's got to be over, dude, I can't get any more hurt.

1304. I think we're all the way finished. We're through.

1305. Stick a fork in it! We're done!

1306. Ooh, is that your tooth, dude? Wow!

1307. That's a wrap on the movie.

1308. Oh, shit.

1309. But you get hit in the nuts.

1310. Oh, fuck.

1311. - Did anyone even film that? - He was.

1312. This is the cup that we used for P.K. to hit me in the dick,

1313. and, apparently, it worked.

1314. But there's a big, giant dent in it.

1315. Are you kidding me?

1316. Flamingo.

1317. Flamingo, pelican, hey!

1318. That's awesome.

1319. I didn't even know he could go that fast.

1320. Oh, my God.

1321. I got shot with the elephant gun yesterday.

1322. Yeah, Parks! Good job, dude.

1323. You launched!

1324. That was crazy.

1325. Fuck, yeah. You the main one that was talking shit, motherfucker, do it!

1326. That's a hot mama.

1327. - Who's this? - He's my offspring.

1328. For real.

1329. I've been watching Jackass since I was, like, twelve years old, ten years old.

1330. But it's definitely a big impact on life.

1331. And guess what, we're here. We're here, baby!

1332. Poopies doesn't have the biggest penis in the world.

1333. Not the second biggest, either.

1334. I think I have the smallest one out of the whole group.

1335. That was what I was most nervous about:

1336. Showing it to the whole world.

1337. But that's what we're here for.

1338. My name's Irving Zisman, and I'm a prick.

1339. And that's the truth.

1340. I kind of feel like partying right now.

1341. Was that a prank?

1342. You all ain't right, man.

1343. That was beautiful!

1344. I love you guys, man, for that.

1345. Did they put that goofy-ass beard on in makeup?

1346. You a hater. I knew you was gonna say some fucked shit about my nice-ass beard.

1347. Yeah, because if you...

1348. Shit! Oh, my God! Holy fuck!

1349. Oh, my God, dude.

1350. Come on, Zach!

1351. Ew, yuck!

1352. Oh, my! You missed the bucket.

1353. God. I'm in the weirdest position.

1354. Let's get that camera ready with the sixteen mil right down Main Street.

1355. Literally, it's on Main Street.

1356. - Hey, Rick. - Hey.

1357. I was trying to look stoked.

1358. There it is!

1359. - First time you got cummed on? - Yeah, for sure.

1360. Well, the second.

1361. - I hit my head... - Listen.

1362. Did we get it?

1363. - You just got to take it. - Just got to go.

1364. - Take it like a man, man. - Gotta take it.

1365. That was good.

1366. Three, two, one!

1367. Ow, my hand's burned. Ow, my hand's burning!

1368. Dave. You good, bro?

1369. Yeah, I'll be all right. I am burned.

1370. Stop! God! Fuck!

1371. Can't have nothing nice, can I?

1372. Make him an actual coffee, Stephanie. Thank you.

1373. Oh, dude.

1374. Here, I made you another one.

1375. - That's actually not milkshake. - All right.

1376. Dude wanted to be just like me.

1377. What, dude? That's sick.

1378. Trailer moment. Don't move!

1379. We ready?

1380. He's ready.

1381. So we're all ready to do this?

1382. - We're ready. - Everyone rolling?

1383. Oh, no. Oh, no.

1384. - Wow. - That is legit right there.

1385. Let me get in there.

1386. I'm running around in a G-string for a living.

1387. Yeah, you are making a living at that right now.

1388. They look good on you, though.

1389. I summon the Sarcophilus satanicus

1390. to come and eat the flesh of the wallaby.

1391. I can totally see through Steve-O's.

1392. This is so gross, man.

1393. Can we get one with the finger in the mouth?

1394. I'm gonna shit my pants before we get to that fucking place.

1395. I'm Dave England, and I got to take a shit.

1396. I hope you didn't take a shit in that son of a bitch.

1397. I took a huge coil in there, and it stunk so bad!

1398. Weren't you on 90210 not too long ago?

1399. - Come here. - Jump across.

1400. Ow, fuck! Get it off! Get it off!

1401. Hold the collar up so I can see it.

1402. - Did I get you? - Oh, no.

1403. We're going to convince Kosick that this is a piece of audio equipment.

1404. Unbeknownst to him, he's gonna be shocked.

1405. - Yeah, it's a microphone. - I don't hear nothing.

1406. Hey, let's eat.

1407. Who wants some?

1408. Face your fears.

1409. - He put his hands down! What a pussy. - Don't look.

1410. We'll just kick back. He's not even gonna care, right?

1411. Dude, dude!

1412. Ow, ow! Dude, dude, chill.

1413. Chill. Dude.

1414. It's for the movie, man.

1415. Russkie, he kicked your ass, dude.

1416. How's Raab not in this?

1417. I'm the smart one. I know what's gonna happen.

1418. I'm Raab Himself, and this is the Bungee Wedgie.

1419. Stop it.

1420. Ow, you got my nuts.

1421. Oh, man, I'm stuck.

1422. And cut.