1. Good evening. I'm Butt-head.Copy !req
2. The movie you are about to seeCopy !req
3. will be presented using
special 3D technology.Copy !req
4. You will see the JackassesCopy !req
5. like no human being
has ever seen them before.Copy !req
6. In three dimensions.Copy !req
7. In order to experience
this new dimension,Copy !req
8. you must put on the special glasses
that you were given in the lobby.Copy !req
9. This is gonna be cool.Copy !req
10. Doesn't really
look any different, Butt-head.Copy !req
11. Whoa! Hey, Beavis,
look at my hand.Copy !req
12. It's in 3D.Copy !req
13. Really? I don't see...Copy !req
14. That's amazing!
It felt like you really hit me!Copy !req
15. It's almost like your hand really...Copy !req
16. Wow! It's amazing technology!Copy !req
17. Wait a second.Copy !req
18. So sit back and enjoy the movie.Copy !req
19. That was definitely 2D.Copy !req
20. Dumb-ass.Copy !req
21. Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville!
Welcome to Jackass.Copy !req
22. My name is Johnny Knoxville,
and this is the High Five.Copy !req
23. Oh, my goodness. Good morning!Copy !req
24. There? All right.Copy !req
25. - Fuck.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
26. - Yeah, Dunn. What up, brother?
- What's up, nerd?Copy !req
27. - Whassup, dude?
- What's up, nerds?Copy !req
28. Dude, you played it off so good.Copy !req
29. He said, "What's up, Dunn?"Copy !req
30. Reset, reset.Copy !req
31. Ehren's walking in,
and we're gonna have him bringCopy !req
32. in a whole tray full of soup.Copy !req
33. - How you doing, guys?
- Pop it in there.Copy !req
34. - He's not gonna do it.
- What?Copy !req
35. I don't think he's gonna go for it.Copy !req
36. - What up, Ehren?
- What's up, dude?Copy !req
37. Help us crowd, brother.Copy !req
38. He fell for it!Copy !req
39. He fell for the soup!Copy !req
40. Welcome back, ladies. You got me.Copy !req
41. Oh, my God!Copy !req
42. Look at the tray!
He broke it in half, dude!Copy !req
43. - You can hug me for that.
- The tray broke.Copy !req
44. I can't believe he fell for it.
"Can you bring the soup in?"Copy !req
45. "We need you to bring this
tray of soup into the kitchen."Copy !req
46. This is all flour
for our friend, Bam.Copy !req
47. We're gonna antique him
when he gets here.Copy !req
48. - Oh, OK.
- He's walking in.Copy !req
49. - What's up?
- What up?Copy !req
50. Not much. How you been?
High five!Copy !req
51. That was the best one so far!Copy !req
52. - Oh, my God!
- You guys done kicked my fucking ass.Copy !req
53. He got antiqued!Copy !req
54. - I was so not ready for that.
- That was so good! You went flying.Copy !req
55. - Good morning, man.
- Morning, Bam!Copy !req
56. Howdy. Goddamn!Copy !req
57. Not too many people knew us
back in our college days,Copy !req
58. but, man, we were wild!Copy !req
59. I mean, we were having
wet T-shirt contests,Copy !req
60. bitchin' summers, body shots...Copy !req
61. cornholin'...Copy !req
62. And Johnny Knoxville,
the king of spring break!Copy !req
63. Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!Copy !req
64. I'm Johnny Knoxville.
This is the Jet Ski.Copy !req
65. Dude.Copy !req
66. Holy shit!Copy !req
67. You just barely clipped the top.Copy !req
68. He totally landed it.Copy !req
69. - How far did I go?
- You went far, man.Copy !req
70. I was scared, man.Copy !req
71. I've seen a lot of crazy shit
during spring break,Copy !req
72. and that took the cake, man.Copy !req
73. I didn't exactly stick
the fuckin' landing.Copy !req
74. - No. I think you did.
- Yeah, you did!Copy !req
75. The king of spring break!Copy !req
76. Shit. Dude, I knew
we shouldn't have done thisCopy !req
77. at my fuckin' dad's house.Copy !req
78. He's already pissed about me
fuckin' skipping school.Copy !req
79. He's gonna cut me off.Copy !req
80. That's coming out of my allowance.Copy !req
81. I'm Steve-O... Oh, fuck!Copy !req
82. Why do I have to be Steve-O?Copy !req
83. - It'll be so quick.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
84. You got it.Copy !req
85. I'm Steve-O,Copy !req
86. and this is Tee Ball.Copy !req
87. That was a direct ding-ding hit.Copy !req
88. It's only getting worse and worse.Copy !req
89. You're the best fielder
I ever saw, Steve-O.Copy !req
90. Great job.Copy !req
91. Right down the middle.Copy !req
92. Line drive.Copy !req
93. I'm Dave England,
and this is the Bungee Boogie.Copy !req
94. Go.Copy !req
95. That was thrilling.Copy !req
96. - What the fuck?
- Let's try it again!Copy !req
97. Let go.Copy !req
98. Shit!Copy !req
99. - You OK, dude?
- Yeah, super good.Copy !req
100. - Ready?
- OK.Copy !req
101. My lip.Copy !req
102. - Here we go.
- Tell us when.Copy !req
103. - Go ahead.
- Step... go!Copy !req
104. That was actually pretty impressive.Copy !req
105. I mean, it wasn't a slam,
but it was still pretty impressive.Copy !req
106. But this is really impressive.Copy !req
107. - Ready?
- This seems dangerous.Copy !req
108. And go!Copy !req
109. Fuck the helmet,
give me a back brace.Copy !req
110. Man, you ate shit!Copy !req
111. - Well, that worked.
- I thought you had that.Copy !req
112. And go!Copy !req
113. Hey! There goes the pool!Copy !req
114. Preston. That was awesome.Copy !req
115. start to see me on TV...Copy !req
116. How many bees
are we working with here today?Copy !req
117. Each hive, probably anywhere
from ten to 50,000 bees.Copy !req
118. They are Africanized, so they
will be a little bit more testy.Copy !req
119. What do you think the chances are
of these guys getting stung today?Copy !req
120. They're gonna get stung.
There's no doubt in my mind.Copy !req
121. When you hit a ball full of bees,
you're gonna get stung.Copy !req
122. How many bee stings
do you think we can take?Copy !req
123. I think it takes about
a hundred to kill a man.Copy !req
124. - What?
- There's 50,000 bees in there.Copy !req
125. Did you just make that up, please?Copy !req
126. - I don't think I made it up.
- What?Copy !req
127. There's 50,000 per hive.Copy !req
128. 50,000 and it takes 100 to kill a man?Copy !req
129. I think it's about a hundred bees
can kill you, if I'm not mistaken.Copy !req
130. - What are we doing here?
- Making a hit movie.Copy !req
131. Go for 99 and then take off.Copy !req
132. That's gotta piss 'em off too, right,Copy !req
133. - just being poured in there?
- Oh, maybe.Copy !req
134. I'm starting to think that maybe
this wasn't that good of an idea.Copy !req
135. It seemed good on paper.Copy !req
136. Look at this.Copy !req
137. This is gonna be gnarly now, man.Copy !req
138. - Come on, go. Let's go.
- Whoa. No, I'm getting hit.Copy !req
139. - Oh, shit.
- Come on, Manny.Copy !req
140. Go on! Do it! Do it! Do it!Copy !req
141. Do it! Fucking do it!Copy !req
142. Got a butt-ton of bees!
My two sexy players,Copy !req
143. this is Beehive Tetherball! Game on!Copy !req
144. Game on!Copy !req
145. Oh, fucking shit!Copy !req
146. I can't do it anymore!Copy !req
147. Shit! Fuck! Goddamn it!Copy !req
148. Fuck! Oh, shit!Copy !req
149. He's gonna win!Copy !req
150. - Steve-O!
- Fuck!Copy !req
151. - Shit! Oh, fuck!
- Stay with Dave. Go with Dave.Copy !req
152. Loomis, come retrieve the ball.Copy !req
153. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
154. Oh, dude, it fucking hurts!Copy !req
155. Oh, my God! Oh, fuck!Copy !req
156. Please put me somewhere
where there's no bees!Copy !req
157. It's the carbon dioxide.Copy !req
158. Your body heated up, so they targeted
you, you took it really good, man.Copy !req
159. I am so fucking hurt!Copy !req
160. You were running around
on carbon dioxide.Copy !req
161. - Look at your eye.
- God, I gotta get rid of this.Copy !req
162. The thing is that Dave
doesn't understandCopy !req
163. is that the more you freak out,
the more you get stung.Copy !req
164. Idiot!Copy !req
165. That felt like somebody was
blowing a fireball in my face.Copy !req
166. It looked like you were
just getting the hell beat out of you.Copy !req
167. You can't fucking breathe.Copy !req
168. Waiter? Can I get
some cream for my coffee?Copy !req
169. That's the story
of Jackass right there.Copy !req
170. Just pissing in the wind.Copy !req
171. Hey, buddy, would you mind
watching my dog for a secondCopy !req
172. while I run in there?
Thanks. I'll be right back.Copy !req
173. Thank you, buddy.Copy !req
174. Thanks, bud.Copy !req
175. Thank you very much
for watching my dog.Copy !req
176. My name is Johnny Knoxville,
and this is Roller Buffalo.Copy !req
177. You're the man!Copy !req
178. We're not worthy.Copy !req
179. Oh, man. Let me get over here.Copy !req
180. - What'd it feel like?
- It felt like shit.Copy !req
181. It felt like I got run over
by a buffalo.Copy !req
182. It's in my mouth!Copy !req
183. Get me out of here! Get me out of here!Copy !req
184. Ehren, stay here!Copy !req
185. Think we need
to get him out from there?Copy !req
186. Let's get him!
Get it off of him.Copy !req
187. - Ehren, stay out!
- All right!Copy !req
188. Lance... Hold it together, Lance!Copy !req
189. Pull out! OK, pull out! Pull out!Copy !req
190. - Did I get the shot?
- You got the shot, dude.Copy !req
191. So it went high and everything?
It was like a volcano?Copy !req
192. You got a good three feet.Copy !req
193. - Three foot?
- Yeah, that one had some power.Copy !req
194. - It was like a full-on volcano?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
195. Don't say anything.Copy !req
196. - What would your flavors be?
- Two Budweisers.Copy !req
197. What do I owe you?Copy !req
198. Six-fifty, please.Copy !req
199. - Keep the change.
- Thank you, dear.Copy !req
200. - Cheers. Boop!
- Cheers.Copy !req
201. So what's the status?Copy !req
202. I don't know. Go down to the beach
or something... hit the water.Copy !req
203. You tried it?Copy !req
204. Tara! What the fuck are you doing?Copy !req
205. What the fuck?Copy !req
206. - Who the fuck are you?
- Who are you?Copy !req
207. I'm her frickin' boyfriend, asshole!Copy !req
208. That's cool, bud. I'm her man-friend.Copy !req
209. Dude, don't push me. Don't push me.Copy !req
210. I'm not even touching you.Copy !req
211. You know, fuck both of you!
Fuck both of you!Copy !req
212. Calm down now.Copy !req
213. So...Copy !req
214. He and I are taking a break and...Copy !req
215. Right in here.Copy !req
216. Right in here.Copy !req
217. Fuck you! I told you
to get the fuck away!Copy !req
218. - Don't push him, man!
- Stop! Stop! Stop!Copy !req
219. Get your ass down!Copy !req
220. Keep your punk ass down,
you hunk of shit!Copy !req
221. Get him, Pop! Get him, Poppy!Copy !req
222. Get his ass down!Copy !req
223. Get off of him! Stop!Copy !req
224. Police! Get on the fucking ground!
Get on the ground!Copy !req
225. Freeze! Everybody up against the wall!Copy !req
226. - Up against the wall!
- Get the fuck off me!Copy !req
227. What the fuck are you doing?Copy !req
228. Get him up. Get him up!Copy !req
229. Freeze, motherfucker!
Get your hands behind your back!Copy !req
230. - Let's go, babe!
- Fucking get off me!Copy !req
231. Code 54! Paramedic! Paramedic!Copy !req
232. Get the fuck off me!
Get him off me!Copy !req
233. - Get the fuck off me!
- Shut up! Shut up!Copy !req
234. Look at them two.Copy !req
235. Big boy. Wait. He can walk?Copy !req
236. OK.Copy !req
237. What was that all that about?
What the hell was all that about?Copy !req
238. I don't know! A bunch of midgets
come in here and start fighting!Copy !req
239. - I don't know what happened.
- That was wild!Copy !req
240. The cops came in!
I can't believe it.Copy !req
241. Little miniature cops.Copy !req
242. Here comes Dunn.Copy !req
243. No fucking way, dude!Copy !req
244. - Oh, my God.
- Is there blue on me?Copy !req
245. I am so happy.Copy !req
246. - There's a lot of blue.
- Dude, that thing goes!Copy !req
247. Fuck!Copy !req
248. Dude, the sound of it
is just fucking terrifying.Copy !req
249. This sucks. Oh, man.Copy !req
250. Its bark is worse than its bite, Ehren.Copy !req
251. Due to prison overpopulation,Copy !req
252. we're gonna give these boys
here a chance to escape.Copy !req
253. This side represents incarceration,
that side, freedom.Copy !req
254. This is Electric Avenue.Copy !req
255. Each one of these
stun guns has 950,000 volts.Copy !req
256. There's 15 of 'em hanging here, plus
four cattle prods. Good luck, fellas!Copy !req
257. Go!Copy !req
258. - Go, go, go!
- Fuck!Copy !req
259. Fuck, I'm gonna pass out, man.
I'm gonna fucking pass out.Copy !req
260. Come on, come on.Copy !req
261. Go, go, go!Copy !req
262. Fuck, that sucked!Copy !req
263. Fuck!Copy !req
264. Sucks doody!Copy !req
265. - How do you feel?
- I changed my mind.Copy !req
266. Stun guns are the number one
most thing that I hate now.Copy !req
267. Bulls are second, snakes are third.Copy !req
268. That sucked! Terribly.Copy !req
269. I'm Preston Lacy here
with pro kicker Josh Brown,Copy !req
270. and this is the Field Goal.Copy !req
271. Kick!Copy !req
272. Wow, that was a good kick.Copy !req
273. - Was that right in the puss?
- Right on the kisser.Copy !req
274. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
275. My mouth.Copy !req
276. Fuck!Copy !req
277. - I love you, buddy. Thank you.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
278. Pro football star Josh Brown.
I love you, buddy. Right here.Copy !req
279. Fucking A!Copy !req
280. - On the mouth.
- You're a man.Copy !req
281. April, what kind of glue is this?Copy !req
282. - Super Mighty Glue.
- This is Super Mighty Glue,Copy !req
283. and we're going to have
a little fun with it today.Copy !req
284. Who's got tummy hair?Copy !req
285. Not me.Copy !req
286. - You have tummy hair?
- I have a fraction.Copy !req
287. - That's definitely tummy hair.
- That's tummy hair.Copy !req
288. - You guys got tummy hair.
- Now we're talking.Copy !req
289. Looks like we got cast for this bit.Copy !req
290. - Don't get it on his fingers.
- You don't need a lot, they say.Copy !req
291. A dab'll do ya.
Oh, Knoxville, Jesus!Copy !req
292. No, I think this is gonna work.Copy !req
293. All right. We ready?Copy !req
294. Ready, then?Copy !req
295. Oh, my God!Copy !req
296. Now. Oh, my God!Copy !req
297. Keep it on there. Keep it on.
Keep it on there.Copy !req
298. Dude, it's gonna take my skin off.Copy !req
299. You're gonna have hairy palms.Copy !req
300. Wait. I kind of like it
when Preston says...Copy !req
301. Fuck!Copy !req
302. - It's not moving.
- What do you like Preston to say?Copy !req
303. Get a little symphony going.Copy !req
304. Dude, this is in.Copy !req
305. Should they pull it?Copy !req
306. We don't need any more time, dude.
It is in.Copy !req
307. You got at least 15 grams of super glue.Copy !req
308. - Pull it! Pull it!
- Really?Copy !req
309. - Three, two, one...
- Skin's coming, I know it. Go, Bam!Copy !req
310. He's a werewolf!Copy !req
311. Werewolf!Copy !req
312. That is mingin'-ass Phil's.Copy !req
313. Preston's is pretty gross,
but that is disgusting!Copy !req
314. Wow!Copy !req
315. No, don't pour that
on your boo-boo hand.Copy !req
316. - It stings.
- That's gotta hurt.Copy !req
317. Hey, Dunn. Do you have
any hair on your butt?Copy !req
318. - No.
- Do you want some?Copy !req
319. I'm thinking I'm about
due for a hairy ass, yeah.Copy !req
320. I'm in my 30s, it hasn't
grown in natural yet.Copy !req
321. So I think we're gonna
have to do a transplant.Copy !req
322. Phil, can I borrow
some of your back hair?Copy !req
323. Yeah, like having you
sit on my back?Copy !req
324. I'm thinking about
becoming a real man.Copy !req
325. Sure, I'll lay down
and you can sit on it.Copy !req
326. - OK, Rake.
- You ready to go? Let's do it.Copy !req
327. Ryan, do you shave your ass?Copy !req
328. Shave my... Look at me!
Do I shave my ass?Copy !req
329. I don't know
what a razor feels like.Copy !req
330. Apparently, you don't know what
toilet paper feels like either.Copy !req
331. - I don't!
- Make sure it's clean.Copy !req
332. All right, go, go, go!
You gotta sit!Copy !req
333. - Sit! Sit! Sit!
- Sit down.Copy !req
334. Time it, two minutes
on the clock.Copy !req
335. - Phil, you all right down there?
- Yeah.Copy !req
336. - Consider this a bonding experience.
- Okay.Copy !req
337. You got about 30 seconds.Copy !req
338. Well, if I can't get
Phil's hair off of me,Copy !req
339. then, you know, I'd really
rather prefer a ZZ Top beard.Copy !req
340. Fucking asshole!
You dickhead!Copy !req
341. - That's not gonna come off.
- No fucking shit!Copy !req
342. That's not gonna come off.Copy !req
343. It's going to come off.
It's going to come off.Copy !req
344. You fucking, fucking pricks.Copy !req
345. - Okay, Dunn, stand up.
- Dunn, you're up. Stand up.Copy !req
346. Let's see if you got
some hair on your butt.Copy !req
347. - Ready? Go.
- One, two...Copy !req
348. - What the hell?
- Your butt looks 80 years old.Copy !req
349. - Does it?
- Somebody should iron you.Copy !req
350. - Look at Phil's back.
- Let me see.Copy !req
351. Man, you're missing
a lot of hair in there.Copy !req
352. But no doo-doo stains, right?Copy !req
353. - No.
- Not so much.Copy !req
354. All right, good.Copy !req
355. Why'd you grip it like that?Copy !req
356. Why you biting off of Preston's steez
by going...?Copy !req
357. Wait a minute, hold
those scissors down.Copy !req
358. Oh, you son of a bitch.Copy !req
359. I have a free hand.Copy !req
360. Hello!Copy !req
361. - Here, I'll be like this to catch him.
- All right, you catch him.Copy !req
362. Ryan, do you want
your pants up, first?Copy !req
363. Catch me. Catch Knox.Copy !req
364. - Grab Bam.
- No, keep your pants down.Copy !req
365. - I don't want my balls hanging out.
- Ready then? Three...Copy !req
366. Man, this is gonna suck.Copy !req
367. Three, two, go.Copy !req
368. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
369. Fuck me, man.Copy !req
370. What a bunch of dicks.Copy !req
371. That's worse than Phil.Copy !req
372. All right.
Wee Man, what are you doing?Copy !req
373. You take the cake, bub.Copy !req
374. You won't come out that easy.Copy !req
375. Why don't you want to glue
Wee Man to Preston?Copy !req
376. - Yes.
- I should lay down,Copy !req
377. and you should lay down on top of me.Copy !req
378. - Woof.
- Going right for it.Copy !req
379. Like this?Copy !req
380. - I think like this.
- No.Copy !req
381. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
382. - A 69.
- Glued into 69.Copy !req
383. I think that's the best way.Copy !req
384. Well, fucking lube him up
or lube me up!Copy !req
385. - Let's go!
- Where's the glue?Copy !req
386. - That's good.
- OK, OK, OK!Copy !req
387. - Knoxville!
- Sorry.Copy !req
388. Asshole!Copy !req
389. We're really bros now.Copy !req
390. You should see it from where I'm at.Copy !req
391. Oh, no.Copy !req
392. Hold it. Two minutes!
Someone time it.Copy !req
393. Two minutes is the longest
69 I've ever fuckin' done!Copy !req
394. - How do you plan on un-69-ing?
- I have no fucking idea.Copy !req
395. - I got an idea how to get him off.
- Slide them down the table, this way.Copy !req
396. - No!
- What?Copy !req
397. No, don't... Nicely.Copy !req
398. Somebody go get me the stun gun.Copy !req
399. No!Copy !req
400. Yeah! Go get it! Get the stun gun!Copy !req
401. I'm pulling off!
I'm pulling off! No! No! No!Copy !req
402. That's not fucking cool! No, no!Copy !req
403. Fuck!Copy !req
404. Look at my fucking nipple!Copy !req
405. My fucking armpit kills!
Phil, pull it off.Copy !req
406. - For real? Where, here?
- What's this from?Copy !req
407. I can't. Let Ap do it.Copy !req
408. - Yank it off.
- Ready, ready, ready...Copy !req
409. Stop that.Copy !req
410. I think that's it for Super Mighty Glue.Copy !req
411. I think that's it for Super Mighty Glue.Copy !req
412. Thank God none of us had that
foreskin you were talking about.Copy !req
413. Does anyone have foreskin?Copy !req
414. Anybody. Now's the time
to raise your hand.Copy !req
415. Yeah.Copy !req
416. Three, two, one, go!Copy !req
417. Chicas.Copy !req
418. Sorry. I hit my wrong button.Copy !req
419. Give me my leg! Help!Copy !req
420. Give me my leg!Copy !req
421. That mutt's got my leg! Stop! Thief!Copy !req
422. - Hey!
- Where you going?Copy !req
423. Oh, God.Copy !req
424. I went to the bathroom.
I have to change.Copy !req
425. Run, run, run
run, run, run, run!Copy !req
426. Run, run, run, run, run!Copy !req
427. Hey, man.
What are you doing, man?Copy !req
428. I messed myself. I messed myself.Copy !req
429. - Can you help me?
- Hell, no. You going to clean it?Copy !req
430. I'm cleaning it!
If you'll get off my case.Copy !req
431. Hello. My name is Irving Zisman.Copy !req
432. This is my grandson, Murray,Copy !req
433. and today, we're
going to go buy a scooter.Copy !req
434. Wow, what a lovely place.Copy !req
435. Good selection.Copy !req
436. - How you doing, sir?
- Good. I'm with my grandson.Copy !req
437. - Oh, very nice.
- Yeah.Copy !req
438. - How much does this cost?
- That's running about $2,000.Copy !req
439. Two thousand?
What'd I do, break something?Copy !req
440. My goodness.Copy !req
441. What were you looking at
over there, Murray?Copy !req
442. Just a couple of bikes down there.Copy !req
443. Tell me a little bit
about this one here.Copy !req
444. This is nice. I'll put it back.Copy !req
445. - I'll be right back.
- OK.Copy !req
446. Holy shit!Copy !req
447. Fuck. Did I hit the wrong button?Copy !req
448. What happened? Are you OK?Copy !req
449. Sir, would you like me
to call the paramedics?Copy !req
450. No, I'm fine!Copy !req
451. - What happened?
- The old dude just took off.Copy !req
452. Some guy just fuckin'
went through the thing.Copy !req
453. How'd he come through here?
He came through here?Copy !req
454. He went out that way.Copy !req
455. How'd he go out that way?Copy !req
456. I think he's all right.Copy !req
457. Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
458. Up yours!Copy !req
459. I'm Pontius the Barbarian,Copy !req
460. and now the day has come
to slay the foul beast,Copy !req
461. the devil's brethren.Copy !req
462. Come, beast. Come meet your doom.Copy !req
463. Oh, you sour beast!Copy !req
464. You swine of the darkness!Copy !req
465. I've long awaited
this blood orgy, you...Copy !req
466. Fool! More!Copy !req
467. Fool! He's got me!Copy !req
468. Fuck! Goddamn it, get me out of here!Copy !req
469. Fuck!Copy !req
470. Dude, fuck this shit.Copy !req
471. - What happened?
- I'm fucking over it.Copy !req
472. - It got you good right here.
- I know, it got me good a lot.Copy !req
473. You got bit and stung,
so mission accomplished.Copy !req
474. I'm fucking pissed.Copy !req
475. What'd you think
was going to happen?Copy !req
476. Up a little. Yeah, right there.Copy !req
477. Oh, shit.Copy !req
478. We're here with BMX legend
Mat Hoffman,Copy !req
479. and this is a Sweatsuit Cocktail.Copy !req
480. So I guess the idea is
for the sweat to dribble downCopy !req
481. into the funnel, into the cup.
That's rinky-dink, even for us.Copy !req
482. That's coming right out of the ass.Copy !req
483. We probably need a doctor.Copy !req
484. You almost have a drop.Copy !req
485. Man, it's fucking hot in this!Copy !req
486. Steve-O, face.Copy !req
487. - What's that?
- Face.Copy !req
488. Looks like white gravy.Copy !req
489. Sop his face.
Bring the cup down a little bit.Copy !req
490. - Get it, get it!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
491. - Is that pee-pee or sweat?
- It's sweat, dude. Get it!Copy !req
492. Wring that out, Steve-O.Copy !req
493. We're losing Lance, guys.Copy !req
494. What?Copy !req
495. What is...? His head's bobbing.Copy !req
496. Lance, you all right?
I think we just broke him again.Copy !req
497. You OK?Copy !req
498. - You need the camera?
- Yeah...Copy !req
499. - The camera help you not get sick?
- Yeah, I'm...Copy !req
500. All right, give him the camera so he...Copy !req
501. Got it? You good?Copy !req
502. Hey, someone follow me down the crack.Copy !req
503. OK, here we go.Copy !req
504. Steve-O! Steve-O! Lord!Copy !req
505. Sorry! Sorry.Copy !req
506. A prostate exam going on back there.Copy !req
507. Fuck sake, dude.Copy !req
508. Here, let's take this shit off
and wring out the suit.Copy !req
509. That makes me want to puke.Copy !req
510. This is the first cocktail
you've had in two years, right?Copy !req
511. Yeah. Here's to good health.Copy !req
512. Chug that whole thing, Steve-O.Copy !req
513. I think the cam...Copy !req
514. Don't puke on that heater.Copy !req
515. You're puking on...Copy !req
516. Give me your camera.
You're puking right on your lens.Copy !req
517. Here, we gotta like...Copy !req
518. We're really falling apart here.Copy !req
519. - Jesus.
- I love you, bro.Copy !req
520. He just puked all over his camera.Copy !req
521. That was the Sweatsuit Cocktail.Copy !req
522. - Seriously.
- Yeah, brother.Copy !req
523. My name is Santy Claus,Copy !req
524. and I'm here with the Dudesons,
and this is the Christmas Tree.Copy !req
525. Timber!Copy !req
526. - Santa and elf is coming down hard.
- Yes!Copy !req
527. Santa ain't climbed a tree
in quite a while.Copy !req
528. And, I am gonna be honest,
Santa did have a couple last night.Copy !req
529. So... this ain't gonna feel too good.Copy !req
530. I'm just here to enjoy the ride.Copy !req
531. How do you get started?Copy !req
532. - You need a hand?
- F, yes! Santa needs a hand.Copy !req
533. I just love that they're
climbing up a 40-foot tree,Copy !req
534. and they're gonna have
a 60-foot drop and it'sCopy !req
535. - the top of the morning.
- Top of the morning to you!Copy !req
536. - Santa looking good!
- Santa's fucking tired.Copy !req
537. Santa can barely hold on,
so let's go.Copy !req
538. That was the hard part!
Now comes the easy part.Copy !req
539. Bring out the saw!Copy !req
540. They're letting Jarppi
work the chainsaw.Copy !req
541. He's never touched a chainsaw before.Copy !req
542. He's got one thumb.
How's he gonna hit the trigger?Copy !req
543. He's gonna have no thumbs after this.Copy !req
544. You ever get scared in these moments?Copy !req
545. Yeah.Copy !req
546. Push it! Push it the other way!Copy !req
547. Jarppi, cut out!Copy !req
548. Yeah, but you got to push!Copy !req
549. There it goes, there it goes!Copy !req
550. Timber!Copy !req
551. Fuck!Copy !req
552. Santa's coming out!
Are you all right?Copy !req
553. I fell on the tree... on my ass!Copy !req
554. - You fell on the tree?
- Yeah.Copy !req
555. But you're alive.Copy !req
556. You good?Copy !req
557. Santa, I think that's the only proper
way to get yourself a Christmas tree.Copy !req
558. With all that sleigh riding I do,Copy !req
559. Santa really doesn't like heights,
I found out.Copy !req
560. I'm Danger Ehren, and this
is Pin the Tail on the Donkey.Copy !req
561. You got it.Copy !req
562. Let me spin you around.
Spin you around.Copy !req
563. OK. Spread your legs.Copy !req
564. Tail up higher.Copy !req
565. - Where'd he hit you?
- It didn't.Copy !req
566. Where the fuck
do you think it hit me?Copy !req
567. Look, damn it!Copy !req
568. Put that tail on that donkey.Copy !req
569. OK, it's just a donkey.Copy !req
570. Spread legs... spread legs.Copy !req
571. That's good.Copy !req
572. Get your dick lower.Copy !req
573. You're going good. Spread legs.Copy !req
574. Your walk is just amazing.Copy !req
575. Straight, straight.Copy !req
576. You're getting warm.Copy !req
577. I heard that.Copy !req
578. It got me in the dick!
It got me in the dick!Copy !req
579. I see the hoofprint on his ding-ding.Copy !req
580. Fuck! I don't want to do that
anymore, if that's OK.Copy !req
581. Hello...Copy !req
582. Hello. My name is Johnny Knoxville.Copy !req
583. We have professional football
players Erik Ainge, Jared Allen,Copy !req
584. and our referee today,
Seann William Scott.Copy !req
585. This is the Blindside.Copy !req
586. - I didn't do it, Wee Man.
- I know.Copy !req
587. I didn't do it.
Jared, why did you do that?Copy !req
588. I really got lost in the moment.Copy !req
589. Let's get this shit over with.Copy !req
590. Blue... 24!Copy !req
591. Blue... 24! Hut!Copy !req
592. Oh, my God.Copy !req
593. Looks like you didn't
block him, Preston.Copy !req
594. You just planted me
in the fucking ground!Copy !req
595. That felt like shit.Copy !req
596. Have you ever played
linebacker before?Copy !req
597. - Years and years ago.
- You think you can give it a try?Copy !req
598. Quickly review. What's your job?Copy !req
599. Murder Knoxville's face.Copy !req
600. - What's your job?
- Catch the ball.Copy !req
601. - I mean...
- Let's do this!Copy !req
602. I mean, catch the ball.Copy !req
603. Do you think Knoxville's
gonna catch the ball?Copy !req
604. - Nope.
- Who gives a shit?Copy !req
605. Hey, Jared! Don't hit me
with your purse this time!Copy !req
606. Nice wristband, douche.Copy !req
607. Ten hut!Copy !req
608. Did I catch it?Copy !req
609. People don't realize
football's a game of physics.Copy !req
610. Speed and velocity equals that.Copy !req
611. - Good game. See you in the showers.
- Good game. See you in the showers.Copy !req
612. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
613. That was perfect. That was perfect.Copy !req
614. This is our friend, Will,
and he has a very special bottom.Copy !req
615. Dude, you are one mingin' machine.Copy !req
616. You ready? All right,
come on, dude, let's party.Copy !req
617. - What about the trumpet?
- All right. Here he goes.Copy !req
618. You're bringing jazz back
to the working man.Copy !req
619. - We're on to something here.
- That's talent!Copy !req
620. Hey, bud, dude,
can I bum a smoke?Copy !req
621. Wait.Copy !req
622. Bottoms up.Copy !req
623. There's shit on the end...Copy !req
624. Is there shit on the end?Copy !req
625. - There's shit on there.
- Hey, look at this shit.Copy !req
626. I saw it.Copy !req
627. - That's fucking gross.
- Dude, that was fucking mingin'.Copy !req
628. Let's get out the dart gun.Copy !req
629. - Yeah.
- There you go.Copy !req
630. Luckily, we had it handy.Copy !req
631. - Do you want to practice?
- Let's get a balloon.Copy !req
632. - Does it need to go down lower?
- Yeah, go lower.Copy !req
633. You got it. You got it.Copy !req
634. You might want to tuck
your nuts up.Copy !req
635. No, no, no! I think you should leave
your legs just a little agape.Copy !req
636. Steve-O, don't get your balls
in the way. You'll hurt 'em.Copy !req
637. - Is this sucking in?
- Yeah, he's sucking in.Copy !req
638. - Trippin' out.
- I'm seriously trippin'.Copy !req
639. You wanna try the longer... Hey!Copy !req
640. My name's Johnny Knoxville
and this is Bad Dog.Copy !req
641. Oklahoma! Oklahoma!Copy !req
642. Fuck!Copy !req
643. Oh, my ass meat!Copy !req
644. That dog... is athletic.Copy !req
645. My ass hurts.Copy !req
646. Lance, can you tell
I've been doing squats?Copy !req
647. You know, I couldn't
have done this on the first...Copy !req
648. two movies, becauseCopy !req
649. I never really did squats
or anything then,Copy !req
650. but now I've been really
working out my butt and legs,Copy !req
651. and it gave the dog
something to bite on.Copy !req
652. Pretty good something
to bite on, if you ask me.Copy !req
653. Yeah.Copy !req
654. I'm Chris Pontius,
and this is the Helicockter.Copy !req
655. Oh, no, you're flying it.Copy !req
656. Yeah!Copy !req
657. - Throttle back, throttle back!
- Throttle back!Copy !req
658. Throttle back. Throttle back.Copy !req
659. Oh, God!Copy !req
660. Well, so much for my aviation career.Copy !req
661. Oh, God. So much for my love life.Copy !req
662. Yo, Novak.Copy !req
663. - Oh, my God!
- Holy fuck!Copy !req
664. Oh, my God!Copy !req
665. - Are you all right?
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
666. Dude, you have no idea
how fucking perfect that was.Copy !req
667. Help me up. No, not that way.Copy !req
668. Dude, we gotta see that shit.Copy !req
669. Dude, it hit so fucking hard, my face...Copy !req
670. - That's the brake.
- Look at the weld.Copy !req
671. - I've had stronger silverware.
- How fast does it go?Copy !req
672. It's kind of fast
for being as cruddy as they are.Copy !req
673. - So you're saying he might make it.
- He'll definitely make it.Copy !req
674. - Dude, you got this.
- Nothing.Copy !req
675. Nothing.Copy !req
676. What's the furthest you've jumped
a motorcycle before?Copy !req
677. I haven't jumped a motorcycle.Copy !req
678. - So this will be your record.
- Yeah. I'm breaking records.Copy !req
679. I'm doing the Snake River
Redemption and, hopefully,Copy !req
680. if all goes as planned,
I will create a perfect rainbow,Copy !req
681. ending up in Wee Man's pot of gold.Copy !req
682. Or on Wee Man.Copy !req
683. - Either way.
- Either way works.Copy !req
684. The proud owner
of Wee Man's Chronic Tacos!Copy !req
685. At least your run-up ramp
looks like a piece of microwave bacon.Copy !req
686. Uphill!Copy !req
687. A very patriotic, microwave bacon.Copy !req
688. Just aim for the fucking leprechaun.Copy !req
689. I'm gonna try
and take out the leprechaun.Copy !req
690. - Land in the gold.
- Steal his gold.Copy !req
691. Whatever. Let's fucking get it over with
and go have some fucking tacos!Copy !req
692. Shit!Copy !req
693. - Fuck yeah!
- You all right?Copy !req
694. You OK?Copy !req
695. We got a Dunn down!Copy !req
696. You done good!Copy !req
697. That was fucking awesome.Copy !req
698. That was awesome, Dunn!Copy !req
699. Dude, that thing is squirrelly as shit!Copy !req
700. That was so amazing!Copy !req
701. I think it's time
for a Wee Man's Chronic Taco replay.Copy !req
702. Redemption is made!Copy !req
703. I'm Preston Lacy,
and this is the Apple of My Ass.Copy !req
704. - Want me to put it in, P?
- Put her in.Copy !req
705. Help me out, O.Copy !req
706. - What about the apple?
- I got it.Copy !req
707. - Is it in there pretty good?
- I think so. I think so.Copy !req
708. - A little deeper.
- I can make it fit way better.Copy !req
709. - A little deeper.
- What?Copy !req
710. - Hold it open, I'll put it in.
- There we go. That's in good.Copy !req
711. - Oh, Steve-O.
- My balls.Copy !req
712. Hold on.Copy !req
713. You don't like apple
and peanut butter?Copy !req
714. - Bring in Bob.
- Come on, Bob!Copy !req
715. Oh, don't bring in Bob.Copy !req
716. - Come on, Bob.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
717. - Make him work for it.
- Come on, Bob.Copy !req
718. - Poor Bob.
- Come on, Bob.Copy !req
719. - Get it, Bob.
- He smells.Copy !req
720. Come on, Bobby. Bob-Bob. Bob-Bob.Copy !req
721. - The old forbidden fruit.
- Come on, Bob.Copy !req
722. - The Garden of Eatin'.
- Come on, Bob!Copy !req
723. Grip it, grip it.Copy !req
724. Bob.Copy !req
725. He really got in there.Copy !req
726. Oh, he's going back for more.Copy !req
727. Don't move.
He's going back for more.Copy !req
728. Good, baby.Copy !req
729. Put it back in there? OK.Copy !req
730. - Is that Bob?
- Oh, man.Copy !req
731. It's in there!Copy !req
732. It's still in there!
Get back down there!Copy !req
733. Get back down. It's still in.Copy !req
734. Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!Copy !req
735. - Can I move this?
- Still have an apple in your ass?Copy !req
736. Got it out.Copy !req
737. Why did you do that, Jeff?Copy !req
738. See, Bob? I told you it's not
that hard to get into a movie.Copy !req
739. - You got it?
- Oh, no!Copy !req
740. I was checking out my new
haircut in the mirror.Copy !req
741. I was talking to Wee Man
over there, then I heard a...Copy !req
742. I'm like, "What was that?"
"I know what that was."Copy !req
743. Kinda hurt my nose.Copy !req
744. It's like way, way up in my brain.Copy !req
745. Me and the boys are about
to do a little Duck Hunting.Copy !req
746. - Pull!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
747. You guys all right?Copy !req
748. - What did Andy do?
- He got fucked up.Copy !req
749. - Our timing was off.
- I don't know. When we jumped,Copy !req
750. somehow I got under him, he got
on top of me, and he landed on me.Copy !req
751. His head smashed me.Copy !req
752. - I'm shaking.
- It hurt so bad.Copy !req
753. - Got hit too.
- That looked hilarious.Copy !req
754. Now it's Parks's turn,Copy !req
755. and this duck's got
a little more meat on him.Copy !req
756. Pull!Copy !req
757. We lit him the fuck up.
Oh, my God!Copy !req
758. I got welted.Copy !req
759. It's like fuckin' falling
into a bees'nest.Copy !req
760. - Holy crap!
- We killed Quack Quack.Copy !req
761. - My whole back stings.
- Does it?Copy !req
762. Yeah, ten, 11 right there,
and that one.Copy !req
763. All right. So let's reload.
Get Dunn on there.Copy !req
764. Looks like Dunn's up next.
Ready, C-sucker?Copy !req
765. This one's a gobbler for sure.Copy !req
766. Pull!Copy !req
767. Good fucking God!Copy !req
768. I gotta give it to Paul Bunyan's
40-foot fucking cartwheel.Copy !req
769. You look like Buck Rogers
going through time, you know.Copy !req
770. Yeah, I felt like I was
in the air for a fortnight.Copy !req
771. Oh, my God.Copy !req
772. Jump out!Copy !req
773. I told you
I was gonna fucking clear it.Copy !req
774. That fucking just happened, didn't it?Copy !req
775. Hello. My name is Irving Zisman.Copy !req
776. This is my wife and granddaughter,Copy !req
777. and today I'm a Really Bad Grandpa.Copy !req
778. No, you're not, Grandpa.
You're the best.Copy !req
779. - Irving!
- Sorry, baby.Copy !req
780. Sorry.Copy !req
781. Sorry, man, sorry.Copy !req
782. Excuse me, homeboy,
can you take our picture?Copy !req
783. - I'm sorry to bother you.
- No problem.Copy !req
784. I'm so...Copy !req
785. Sorry. Thank you, buddy. OK?Copy !req
786. - You know what? I'm gonna pass.
- You just hit the button there.Copy !req
787. I'm going to pass on that.
Are you underage?Copy !req
788. No. This is my granddaughter.
She's of age. She's 19.Copy !req
789. Sir, you shouldn't be
kissing your granddaughter,Copy !req
790. slapping your granddaughter's
ass like that, sir.Copy !req
791. - She's of age.
- You can go to jail for that.Copy !req
792. I don't... I'm trying.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.Copy !req
793. You shouldn't be doing that
to your granddaughter.Copy !req
794. - What are you doing?
- Honey, I don't even know this man.Copy !req
795. I don't care. You're with your
granddaughter. That's terrible!Copy !req
796. - I've never seen anything like it...
- This is my wife.Copy !req
797. - This is your wife?
- Yes. Honey, I'm sorry.Copy !req
798. Don't bother coming home tonight!
OK? Don't bother.Copy !req
799. Honey! God. Jesus.Copy !req
800. - Why would you...?
- Go talk to her.Copy !req
801. Excuse me. I have my own problems.Copy !req
802. Honey!Copy !req
803. It's time to find out
if music calms the wild beast.Copy !req
804. I'm Ryan Dunn,
and this is the Ram Jam.Copy !req
805. Soothing?Copy !req
806. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.Copy !req
807. He's already looking at me.Copy !req
808. Can you just go over there until
I get in here, buddy? Jesus.Copy !req
809. You better hurry up.
He's looking at me.Copy !req
810. - He looks beguiled.
- He's like, "Are these guys stupid?"Copy !req
811. - He doesn't like what he sees, though.
- Hey, little baby.Copy !req
812. That was good.Copy !req
813. - Play some music! Play some music!
- You're toast.Copy !req
814. - Steve-O, help him!
- Play some music!Copy !req
815. Steve-O, help him!Copy !req
816. Get it over here, Dunn!Copy !req
817. Go help him, Steve-O!Copy !req
818. - Save your bro!
- Help him, Steve-O!Copy !req
819. - Play!
- Steve-O!Copy !req
820. Play the trumpet!Copy !req
821. - Yeah, there you go.
- Just you, Steve-O.Copy !req
822. Maybe we used the wrong instruments.Copy !req
823. So you think music
calmed the wild beast?Copy !req
824. Not at all, man, not at all.Copy !req
825. I don't think so, either.Copy !req
826. Here we go.Copy !req
827. You guys look like idiots.Copy !req
828. Ready?Copy !req
829. Fore!Copy !req
830. - You all right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
831. - Did you take it in the neck?
- Yeah.Copy !req
832. Oh, my God, dude!Copy !req
833. You took it in the Adam's apple.Copy !req
834. - Hi, Spike.
- Ehren McGhehey. Travis Bickle.Copy !req
835. - He's got a tooth that we need out.
- I need it out.Copy !req
836. I need it because you need it.
Whatever you need, I need.Copy !req
837. - Let's get it out.
- We need it together.Copy !req
838. You wanna walk the walk,
you gotta talk the talk,Copy !req
839. or no one will take you seriously.Copy !req
840. Dr. Pontius? Dr. Dunn?Copy !req
841. - Can we do this?
- Finally!Copy !req
842. Tie him up and let's do it.Copy !req
843. Sit down.Copy !req
844. Relax.Copy !req
845. - Take it easy.
- Relax.Copy !req
846. You know why this happened.Copy !req
847. Flossing is just
as important as brushing.Copy !req
848. So what we're going to do is
extract Ehren's crooked toothCopy !req
849. and then we're gonna replant it,
just like you would a tree.Copy !req
850. - But straight.
- But straight.Copy !req
851. I'm Danger Ehren, and this is
the Lamborghini Tooth Pull.Copy !req
852. Here's the good news:
What you're doing is stupid.Copy !req
853. So you got that going.Copy !req
854. Get in the Lambo, shitbird!Copy !req
855. This is gonna suck.Copy !req
856. Did your barber tell you to do this?
He seems like he's full of bad ideas.Copy !req
857. Are you stoked?Copy !req
858. It's a Lamborghini.Copy !req
859. Listen to that thing.Copy !req
860. - Open your eyes wide.
- Look at that bad-ass Lamborghini.Copy !req
861. Yeah!Copy !req
862. God!Copy !req
863. - Way to go!
- Fuckin' deuce!Copy !req
864. Victory.Copy !req
865. I wish I could say that didn't suck.Copy !req
866. - Oh, my God!
- You look terrible!Copy !req
867. Is it gone? Is it gone? It hurt!Copy !req
868. - Oh, my God!
- You did good.Copy !req
869. You did good. You did good.Copy !req
870. Man, that hurt me. Not really.Copy !req
871. Let me see, Ehren.Copy !req
872. - What'd it feel like?
- It hurt like a...Copy !req
873. - What was that?
- I don't know.Copy !req
874. - What... Are you crying?
- You're pulling my tooth.Copy !req
875. We already pulled your tooth.
We're not "pulling" your tooth.Copy !req
876. We already pulled your tooth.
We're not "pulling" your tooth.Copy !req
877. The tooth is officially pulled.Copy !req
878. Ehren, remember how I said
I could replant the tooth?Copy !req
879. - Yeah.
- That story wasn't true.Copy !req
880. I'm sorry.Copy !req
881. - Oh, my God.
- It was a story.Copy !req
882. We were trying to build up
your confidence.Copy !req
883. That hurts.Copy !req
884. A lot of doctors... dentists...Copy !req
885. I don't really consider them
real doctors.Copy !req
886. They think they're God,
you know? Not me.Copy !req
887. Satan.Copy !req
888. Yeah, he's soaked.Copy !req
889. You fucking...Copy !req
890. How much piss do you have?Copy !req
891. Dudes, I'm telling you,
I drank a dozen of them things.Copy !req
892. All I got to say is,
Tremaine told me to do this.Copy !req
893. Ap and Phil just arrived
in Los Angeles.Copy !req
894. As soon as they check in
their hotel room,Copy !req
895. there's gonna be a gorilla
in there, aka Chris Pontius,Copy !req
896. and the trainer here, Will,
who's gonna try to tame himCopy !req
897. but it's gonna go horribly wrong.Copy !req
898. Basically, all hell's gonna break loose.Copy !req
899. It's gonna be a blood orgy.Copy !req
900. My goodness.Copy !req
901. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
902. No, no, no, no!
It's OK! This is Samson.Copy !req
903. Just don't make eye contact.
Samson, down. Be quiet.Copy !req
904. He's a good boy. If he wants to
be a good boy, he's a good boy.Copy !req
905. Just don't make any
sudden movements.Copy !req
906. Don't make eye contact
with him. Samson...Copy !req
907. I'm getting my whip!Copy !req
908. - Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Get out of here!Copy !req
909. - Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Get out of here!Copy !req
910. Oh, God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
911. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, Samson!
- Jesus Christ. What the hell was that?Copy !req
912. - There's a trainer...
- It's out! It's out!Copy !req
913. What happened to Phil?Copy !req
914. - The trainer will get him.
- He said be quiet.Copy !req
915. Sam, Sam...Copy !req
916. Oh, my God.
I never saw a gorilla before.Copy !req
917. - He's tame.
- He just wrecked the whole room.Copy !req
918. - There's a fucking trainer.
- Big deal!Copy !req
919. - Did this go wrong or something?
- Kind of.Copy !req
920. What was supposed to happen?Copy !req
921. - He's like the trainer...
- Oh, so what?Copy !req
922. He seems all right now.Copy !req
923. Was this supposed to be
just fun or something?Copy !req
924. He wants to go back in the room.
Do you have the key to that room?Copy !req
925. - Yeah.
- Give me the key.Copy !req
926. - Give me the key.
- My husband's in there somewhere.Copy !req
927. Is Phil OK? Is Phil out here?Copy !req
928. - I shit myself!
- What? Where is he?Copy !req
929. - I had to take a mean shit.
- There's a gorilla.Copy !req
930. I know. I had to take a mean shit.
It was coming out.Copy !req
931. Hear it? It's all juicy. I had to do it.Copy !req
932. - Phil, you are mingin'.
- I know. I had to.Copy !req
933. I need this thing off.
I can't breathe. I need this off.Copy !req
934. Is that a person?
That's a frickin' person.Copy !req
935. - It's Pontius, dipshit!
- Is that a person?Copy !req
936. Is that a...Copy !req
937. Oh, my God! I can't believe it!Copy !req
938. Did you almost have a heart attack?Copy !req
939. Oh, my God.Copy !req
940. - I'm so glad you're fake.
- Welcome to L.A.Copy !req
941. Phil's in there shittin'.Copy !req
942. - Get...
- It scared the shit out of Phil.Copy !req
943. All right.Copy !req
944. - That's a good one.
- Get it! Go! Go!Copy !req
945. Holy shit!Copy !req
946. Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville,Copy !req
947. and today I'm an Invisible Man.Copy !req
948. You ready?Copy !req
949. OK.Copy !req
950. Take him around again.Copy !req
951. Am I still invisible?Copy !req
952. I hate when they do that.Copy !req
953. Fuck me.Copy !req
954. Where'd Knoxville go?Copy !req
955. He's up ahead.Copy !req
956. Is he close? Oh, fuck!Copy !req
957. Open the gate!Copy !req
958. That was fucking insane.Copy !req
959. - No, he landed bad.
- He really fell a little bit there.Copy !req
960. - Oh, Jesus.
- You OK, Johnny?Copy !req
961. Dude, that was a total neck-breaker.
I think it jarred his head.Copy !req
962. - Get the money shot?
- Oh, yeah, dude.Copy !req
963. Look at the feet mark
on top of the tree.Copy !req
964. Yeah, look it...Copy !req
965. - I got ups. Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, you did.Copy !req
966. - You were over the rainbow.
- I was over the rainbow.Copy !req
967. So, in this trailer,
we have a false floorCopy !req
968. with an 11-foot-deep pit we dugCopy !req
969. and filled with rubber snakes.Copy !req
970. And Bam thinks he's gonna
be doing a prank on Jeff,Copy !req
971. who's sitting in front of the trailer.Copy !req
972. But he's gonna be falling
into that pit, and when he does,Copy !req
973. Mr. David Weathers...Copy !req
974. has a few hundred live snakes
we're gonna throw in there with him.Copy !req
975. Bam really hates snakes, too.Copy !req
976. This may be the first time
Bam cries in the film.Copy !req
977. - You ready?
- Yeah.Copy !req
978. - All right.
- You want to...?Copy !req
979. Tremaine's in a very vulnerable spot.Copy !req
980. I think it's time for Rocky.Copy !req
981. I think it's Rocky 4, I believe.Copy !req
982. Either way, he's getting
punched in the face.Copy !req
983. Be quiet.Copy !req
984. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
985. Fucking fuck.Copy !req
986. No!Copy !req
987. Are they real?
Get me the fuck out of here.Copy !req
988. You cocksuckers.
Dude, get me out, man.Copy !req
989. - They're not real, dude.
- What happened?Copy !req
990. - I want out, man.
- Bam. Bam.Copy !req
991. What, what? Don't do this to me!Copy !req
992. Yo, seriously, get me out!
Get me the fuck out now!Copy !req
993. Now! Get me out now!Copy !req
994. Dude, stop, stop, stop!Copy !req
995. Oh, Jesus.
I'm stepping back for this one.Copy !req
996. Dude, stop fucking with me!Copy !req
997. - Hey, Bam.
- Dude, I fucking hate you guys.Copy !req
998. - Dimitry, please! Please!
- Is he crying?Copy !req
999. - Please! Please!
- He's really crying.Copy !req
1000. Tremaine, you motherfucker!
Get me out now!Copy !req
1001. It's not funny. It's not funny!Copy !req
1002. It's not funny? I'm gonna argue
with you on that one, Bam.Copy !req
1003. You fucking assholes!Copy !req
1004. - Get him out.
- Get me out.Copy !req
1005. Get me out.Copy !req
1006. You can't do that to me, man.Copy !req
1007. Sorry, bud.Copy !req
1008. Dude, that is the worst fear
I could ever imagine.Copy !req
1009. You fucking, dick-sucking,
fucking, assholeCopy !req
1010. motherfuckers just did that to me.Copy !req
1011. Look at the snake tracks on his back.Copy !req
1012. You have snake marks on your back.Copy !req
1013. - Oh, my God.
- That one is so big!Copy !req
1014. That looks like hell in there.Copy !req
1015. That was fucking terrifying. I can't
think of anything more terrifyingCopy !req
1016. than that, that just happened right now.Copy !req
1017. Well, you're welcome, man.Copy !req
1018. Fucking cocksucker.Copy !req
1019. Your voice definitely did
have different nuances to itCopy !req
1020. when you were hollering out
for... getting out of there.Copy !req
1021. Stop it, man!Copy !req
1022. Fuck, man! You're gonna make me
have heart... Seriously...Copy !req
1023. Thank God I'm leaving at three today.
I am counting down the minutes.Copy !req
1024. Seriously. With fucking
David Weathers around.Copy !req
1025. I'm gonna see if there's
a one-hour-earlier flight.Copy !req
1026. Most people don't like the idea
of being covered in dog shit,Copy !req
1027. but that doesn't bother me
nearly as much as, like,Copy !req
1028. rollercoasters and bungee jumping.Copy !req
1029. I just can't do that shit, man.Copy !req
1030. That's why this is gonna be fantastic.Copy !req
1031. It's basically like a poo coaster.Copy !req
1032. - You have really irrational fears.
- I know.Copy !req
1033. "Cast me out to sea with sharks,
I don't care."Copy !req
1034. "Put a hook through my cheek.
But I'm not bungee diving."Copy !req
1035. What the fuck?Copy !req
1036. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1037. Come here, dude.Copy !req
1038. I'm trying.Copy !req
1039. - What's the problem?
- It fuckin' stinks like sh...Copy !req
1040. shit.Copy !req
1041. I think it's about ten years ago today
that I was doingCopy !req
1042. the first Poo Cocktail
and now you're taking the reinsCopy !req
1043. and taking it to a whole other level.Copy !req
1044. - Yep.
- You look pretty happy about it.Copy !req
1045. Hey, let's get me down
pretty fucking quick after this.Copy !req
1046. I'm gonna be so claustrophobic,
it's gonna be ridiculous.Copy !req
1047. - Do you have claustrophobia?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1048. Just relax and enjoy your shit.Copy !req
1049. I'm Steve-O, and this is
the Poo Cocktail Supreme.Copy !req
1050. All right. Good luck.Copy !req
1051. - You ready, Steve-O?
- No.Copy !req
1052. Order up! Poo Cocktail Supreme!Copy !req
1053. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1054. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1055. He's puking!Copy !req
1056. Fucking gross.Copy !req
1057. What's wrong with you, Bam?Copy !req
1058. Oh, my God, dude.Copy !req
1059. Are you OK, Steve-O?Copy !req
1060. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1061. It's gonna be ugly. I don't know
if you wanna see this.Copy !req
1062. Oh, my God! Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
1063. - Help him out of there!
- Let him out!Copy !req
1064. I'm ready...Copy !req
1065. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1066. Jump in that lake right now.Copy !req
1067. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1068. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1069. Jesus!Copy !req
1070. Oh, God, it's so gross.Copy !req
1071. This is the kind of extreme shit that
those extreme dudes don't even think of.Copy !req
1072. That had it all.
That had danger. It had shit.Copy !req
1073. It had puke. That's what
this show is all about.Copy !req
1074. And sex appeal.Copy !req
1075. All right, fellas,
we're gonna play a little game calledCopy !req
1076. Escaped Convict and Warden's Wife.Copy !req
1077. And I'm pretty sure something sucky's
gonna happen when I push this.Copy !req
1078. So would you guys rather
listen to Steve-O's rap album,Copy !req
1079. - or have me push this plunger?
- Push the plunger!Copy !req
1080. All right, let's end this turkey.Copy !req
1081. Glasses on! Goggles on!Copy !req
1082. Hello. My name's Johnny Knoxville
and I'm about to end this movie.Copy !req
1083. What?Copy !req
1084. Oh, my God! I don't believe...
Can you believe this?Copy !req
1085. I don't understand
what the hell they're doing.Copy !req
1086. I mean, it looks more like a riptide
to me. Don't you think so?Copy !req
1087. This is ridiculous.
Now wait just a second.Copy !req
1088. - How...? Is this the way you make...
- Rip Taylor!Copy !req
1089. Shut up yourself! I'm just fed up.Copy !req
1090. Who's the fat guy in the Speedo?Copy !req
1091. Look in the mirr... Oh, my God.Copy !req
1092. Look in the mirror. A grown man.
And they did it.Copy !req
1093. And I can't believe all the confetti.Copy !req
1094. And don't forget... Jackass 3D.Copy !req
1095. - 3D!
- Thank you.Copy !req
1096. No tongue! No tongue!Copy !req
1097. No tongue!Copy !req
1098. No tongue!Copy !req
1099. I'm Danger Ehren, and that was
the Lamborghini Tooth Pull.Copy !req
1100. - We're not using that.
- I don't care.Copy !req
1101. Now we are using that.Copy !req
1102. Dude!Copy !req
1103. I was joking. You just broke Jeff's
cam... You broke your camera.Copy !req
1104. Fucker!Copy !req
1105. Fuck, OK, you got me, dude.Copy !req
1106. Bro-zilian, take two, mark.Copy !req
1107. Dude! Dude! Cut the...Copy !req
1108. Dude, I will fucking punch you
in the face, dude! Stop it.Copy !req
1109. Whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1110. Oh, don't be a sissy.Copy !req
1111. Three, two, one, go!Copy !req
1112. Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass.Copy !req
1113. Cut!Copy !req
1114. My name is Eddie Barbanell,Copy !req
1115. and this is some bullshit
with a plunger.Copy !req
1116. Preston, move your ass.Copy !req
1117. Come back here!Copy !req
1118. This bruise looks old.Copy !req
1119. Yeah, there's been a lot of
stuff going on back there.Copy !req
1120. That's an official break.Copy !req
1121. Jeez. That's so gnarly.Copy !req
1122. That's some serious
bragging rights, right there.Copy !req
1123. Happy birthday!Copy !req
1124. Thanks.Copy !req
1125. Oh, right there. That's the spot.Copy !req
1126. Sorry. Had we known you didn't like red,
we wouldn't have wore this.Copy !req
1127. Thanks, buddy.Copy !req
1128. He's got it, he's got it! Oh, shit!Copy !req
1129. Man, you jumped!Copy !req
1130. Oh, you fucker. You fucker.Copy !req
1131. I did it like you said.
I held the brake...Copy !req
1132. Like this, while it's still...Copy !req
1133. - Oh, my God!
- Yes!Copy !req
1134. Yeah!Copy !req
1135. That's my girl.Copy !req
1136. - You're gonna roller-skate.
- Yeah, I'm an awesome roller skater.Copy !req
1137. I know. I saw you a long time ago
at the L.A. River when you were...Copy !req
1138. - Why you gotta bring that up?
- You were amazing!Copy !req
1139. My name is Johnny Knoxville, and today,
I'm gonna jump the L.A. River.Copy !req
1140. Help me! Help me!Copy !req
1141. How's it going? I'm Steve-O, and I
collected nine days of elephant shit.Copy !req
1142. No wait, that doesn't work.
What should I say?Copy !req
1143. Say whatever you want.Copy !req
1144. - Hi. I'm Jeff.
- Hi. I'm April.Copy !req
1145. - It's nice to meet you.
- Hi, April. Nice meeting you.Copy !req
1146. Look at these haggard tattoos he has!Copy !req
1147. He's got a Chili Peppers sign.
And what's this? Blair Witch?Copy !req
1148. - What's this one over here?
- That's a noose.Copy !req
1149. - What does that mean?
- I don't know.Copy !req
1150. That's Trip.Copy !req
1151. - And action.
- Hi. Welcome to Jackass.Copy !req
1152. I never wanted to be this.
I was hired to move the ramps,Copy !req
1153. 'cause I was the only one
with a pickup truck.Copy !req
1154. Do it up and down.Copy !req
1155. You! Pull that fucking
camera back, jackass.Copy !req
1156. I know Johnny Knoxville,Copy !req
1157. and he is not broadcasting
my crack to millions of people.Copy !req
1158. Is this shoot over?Copy !req
1159. Yeah. What did you want out of it?
You got whatever, you know?Copy !req
1160. You did great today, Jeff.Copy !req