Impractical Jokers: The Movie (2020)

1. 1994. Welcome to Staten Island.

2. A great year and a great place to grow up.

3. That's Stacey, my hula girl.

4. Oh, oh, that's me in high school.

5. Man, look at that hair.

6. I look just like Chandler Bing, right?

7. Just go with it.

8. Rooty toot, toot.

9. - Hey, Q. - Hey!

10. Hey, how's your sister doing?

11. Wouldn't you like to know.

12. I would. I really would.

13. Dad.

14. Can I have permission to go to the Paula Abdul concert, please?

15. Go, Sal, go.

16. I know the rules, Dad. I will check in,

17. I will beep you, I'll call. Okay?

18. Rule number one, we love each other.

19. Rule number two, see rule number one.

20. - Please get out of the house and go. - Okay.

21. People smoke marijuana.

22. Do the weed, take a shot, just get out of the house.

23. Please go. Just go.

24. Oh, hey, Q. I'll be right there.

25. Hey, fellas.

26. What's up? My best friend Sal.

27. There's Q, too.

28. Hey, guys.

29. Boys.

30. - I have a question. - Yeah.

31. - Are you forever my girl? - Straight up now tell me.

32. - Woo! - Yeah!

33. - Watch it. - Come on, Joe.

34. - Come on. - Coming in hot.

35. All right, watch that... Whoa, watch that leather back there.

36. Of course.

37. Hey, hey, Abdul!

38. Too bad we don't have tickets.

39. Tickets? Tickets are for losers, dude.

40. I got a plan.

41. - Who gets the small? - Hey.

42. - Really? - Yeah, why not?

43. Well, who's ready to party tonight?

44. - What are you doing? - I'm being hype man.

45. - He hyped you right there. - Joey's a great hype man.

46. And I know hype men.

47. Yeah, throughout history, there's been many a hype men.

48. - Who? - Thomas Edison had one.

49. - Gandhi. - Caesar.

50. Okay, all right. Caesar had a hype man?

51. You should look it up.

52. Who was Caesar's hype man, then?

53. - Jeff. - Jeff.

54. I'm done. I'm done with this, I'm done.

55. - Can we go? - Yeah.

56. - 'Scuse! - On the left.

57. - 'Scuse you. - Come on.

58. - Excuse me. - Comin' over on the right.

59. - 'Scuse you. Security. - On the left.

60. - Move. - Move.

61. - Security. - Stripes, watch it.

62. Idiot.

63. Hey, who are you guys?

64. Uh, high-level security.

65. I'll allow it.

66. Let's go.

67. It worked. It worked.

68. Guys, what do we do now? What do we do now?

69. Whatever the hell we want.

70. Move! Watch it.

71. Coming through.

72. The arena is ours.

73. Wait, who is this? Where's Larry?

74. Green room, fellas.

75. Everything is free.

76. Oh, how great is this.

77. Hey, say hello to my dad.

78. Hey, Daddy.

79. No, it's... It's my dad.

80. I don't call him Daddy.

81. Oh. I'm sorry.

82. You're security?

83. Yeah. Just, please.

84. Look at that zoom, I can see your pores.

85. - What're you doing? - Uh, me? Hyping.

86. - Hyping what? - You know, the crudités.

87. You're over here by yourself shaking your head.

88. You know, I'm just excited. Crudités. What?

89. I was taping you from across the room.

90. You look like a doo-wop dad.

91. Hold on one second.

92. Yo, Bubba Gump,

93. wanna leave some shrimp for the rest of us?

94. Oh, my God, sick reference.

95. I just saw Forrest Gump this week.

96. Guys, Paula Abdul, twelve o'clock.

97. Check out the banana patrol.

98. - Did she just check me out? - Yeah.

99. - Oh, yeah, right at you. - She was?

100. - Yeah, man. - You see that, right?

101. You should probably get her number.

102. No.

103. Yeah, it'd be a shame if you didn't.

104. You think she's into me like that?

105. You're right. I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

106. - Down in flames. - Roll tape.

107. Such a doofus, look at him.

108. You want my number?

109. No, guys.

110. Guys! No, guys, it looks like he's getting her number.

111. I think he got her number.

112. Good call, fellas, she was into me,

113. but she didn't finish the phone number in time.

114. She started to give you her real number?

115. This is a victory for us.

116. Great shit.

117. I gotta be honest, I was breaking your shoes,

118. I didn't think you'd get her number.

119. You just rose to that challenge, okay?

120. We told you to do something and you did it.

121. Okay? You didn't refuse, you didn't lose.

122. The ball bag on this guy.

123. You ever seen a ball bag like this?

124. I've never seen a ball bag like that, no.

125. I've seen his ball bag.

126. It's ten pounds of ball bag in a five-pound sack.

127. This whole time, there's been two footprints in the sand.

128. It's when your ball bag's been carrying us.

129. You don't just talk the talk, you walk the walk. Okay?

130. Who knows where great ideas come from.

131. A mixture of genius and stupidity?

132. A ball bag speech from Sal?

133. I know it rarely happens,

134. but that night, scholars and historians agree

135. the Impractical Jokers were born.

136. This is unbelievable, guys.

137. Holy...

138. The crowd.

139. Hey, baby

140. - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!

141. You gotta remember

142. I'm forever your girl

143. And, baby, forever And ever and ever

144. You know I am

145. Backstage, baby!

146. Baby, pick your head up

147. That was the hottest thing I've ever seen.

148. Come on and look me in the face

149. 'Cause I can tell

150. Where's Joe?

151. That somethin' is bringin' you down

152. Why are you down?

153. Is it the rumor that another boy...

154. Get off my stage.

155. - Hey, hey, hey! - Go, Joey, go!

156. - We're gonna live forever. - I know.

157. Pregnant ladies, I can't hear y'all.

158. Pregnant ladies, make noise.

159. Helicopter.

160. When I say "ball," you say "bag."

161. Ball!

162. He's hyped up on the ball bag.

163. Get him off the stage.

164. Hype it up.

165. We judged too soon, he sucks.

166. White people!

167. Blacks.

168. Where the Vietnamese at?

169. - Yeah, there's one. - Where's the security?

170. This is mayhem.

171. Son of a... Oh, my...

172. They're throwing garbage?

173. Staten Island garbage.

174. Guys. Guys.

175. Breach! Breach! Breach!

176. Ah, these punks are storming the stage.

177. I'm getting the hell out of here.

178. No, no, no, no!

179. I got clotheslined by Abdul.

180. Oh, Sal.

181. My beautiful boy.

182. She crushed my windpipe.

183. Are you okay? Go, go. Joey.

184. - Go. - You guys are dead. Dead.

185. One day, I'm gonna find you and I will destroy you.

186. I can't believe you ruined the Abdul concert.

187. - Hi, Gina. - Go, go, go.

188. We've lost the arena! We've lost the arena!

189. Everything's fine.

190. Everything's fine.

191. - Was it that bad? - You were terrible. You suck!

192. Abdul assaulted me. She's about 4'4", 40 pounds.

193. Sal.

194. Why are you doing this to me?

195. Come on. Paula Abdul's got some mouth on her.

196. - Are we rolling? - Here we go.

197. Once we clear this camera, Sal, we're ready to go.

198. Only our close-up keeps getting blocked.

199. Cameras. Cameras.

200. We have to make sure Camera D stays that way.

201. Hold on, I got two... I got three...

202. In the ear, I had multiple people at one time.

203. Now he's clear.

204. So Sal's just gonna be a horrible mall Santa.

205. That's right.

206. There's nothing more American than a mall Santa.

207. - That's right. - Right? It's just classic.

208. - Yeah. - Well, in the winter.

209. I will say this, Sal, you've accepted the fact

210. that we dressed you as a mall Santa

211. in the middle of summer without complaint.

212. It's about 100 degrees out.

213. Oh, I'm gonna... I'm gonna pass out.

214. Well, you're about to ruin Christmas for a bunch of kids, Sal.

215. Okay, so Sal, when this kid approaches,

216. this is easy, just yell, "No, no."

217. No, no.

218. No.

219. So what do you want, Aiden?

220. Do you want a big toy or a little toy?

221. What would you like? I'll get it for you right now.

222. Lightning...

223. Lightning McQueen.

224. - Sal, fall asleep. - Fall asleep, Sal.

225. Fall asleep, fall asleep.

226. Santa?

227. Sal's sleeping. Look at him. Look at that kid.

228. Sal fell asleep.

229. Oh, the shot's insane, Sal.

230. Sal, stay there.

231. Head nod down even more.

232. - There you go. - Big snores. Big...

233. Start bouncing him, start bouncing him.

234. When'd you get here?

235. Higher, buddy, higher.

236. Oh, my God.

237. Oh, taking a sleigh hop. Take a little sleigh hop.

238. Look at the...

239. High-five.

240. This fake snow can't be healthy.

241. Hello, darling, how are you?

242. Come sit on Santa's lap.

243. - And what is your name? - Casey.

244. Casey, I want you to take a minute

245. and think about what you might want for Christmas this year.

246. Just think about it in your head, okay?

247. Don't talk to me until I tell you.

248. Now, don't talk until I tell you, Casey.

249. Then why aren't you saying anything to Santa?

250. I don't have all day, Casey.

251. Do you know what you want?

252. - Yes. - Okay.

253. Don't speak until I tell you.

254. She's so cute.

255. Whenever you're ready, just tell me what you want.

256. But don't talk until I tell you.

257. Okay?

258. So whenever you're ready, you tell me what you want.

259. But please don't speak until I tell you.

260. - Whenever you're ready. - 'Cause...

261. Just don't speak until I say.

262. - Nice to meet you. - So, Sal, how was that?

263. You're being a very good horrible Santa.

264. Guys, this is... It's torture for us all.

265. It's a torture for me, it's a torture for you,

266. it's a torture for the children.

267. - I'm having a blast back here. - Yeah.

268. I'm giggling with my friends.

269. It feels pretty good back here.

270. There's no less than 40 strands of hair in my mouth.

271. It can always get worse, Sal.

272. No.

273. Oh, my God.

274. Jingle, jingle

275. I've had enough. Pull the plug on this whole thing.

276. Let's get out of here.

277. - That's a cut. - Nice work.

278. Where's the Cheddar Bay Biscuits?

279. I ordered a whole 'nother basket, like, ten minutes ago.

280. You already had six.

281. - So what? - You're cut off.

282. You can't be cut off, it's unlimited,

283. that's the whole point of Red Lobster.

284. Guys. Guys.

285. - Is that Abdul? - Kareem?

286. No, it can't be.

287. - That's Abdul. That's her. - It's her.

288. - Oh, my God. - It is Abdul.

289. I know Abdul when I see her, that's her.

290. I'm scared right now.

291. My windpipe is still sore from when she hit me.

292. Yeah, she straight jacked you.

293. She's gonna remember that night.

294. Well, she's coming over here,

295. so it's curtains for us, essentially, is what it is.

296. - We gotta get out of here. - No, no.

297. Sit down.

298. This is our Red Lobster.

299. I've been training for this for 20 years.

300. Nobody touches you again, not on my watch.

301. - Okay, thank you. - Well, damn.

302. - Just sit down. - She's coming right over.

303. - Act casual. - She's looking right at us.

304. - She doesn't see us... - Act casual.

305. Smile, act natural. Smile. Smile.

306. All right.

307. Fifteen feet.

308. Ten feet. Five feet.

309. Abdul.

310. You're the Impractical Jokers.

311. - Yeah. - For real?

312. - Yeah. - Yeah.

313. - Holy shit. - Okay.

314. I love you guys.

315. Oh, no joke, man. I've watched every season.

316. Well, except for Season 5.

317. Yeah, I don't wanna get into it.

318. Well, thank you.

319. By any chance, you guys gonna be in Miami next week?

320. - Yeah. - I'm having this huge party.

321. You guys can come, you can hang one night,

322. you can hang the weekend. We'll hang out.

323. - Oh, my God. - What?

324. Are you kidding me?

325. We'll be there. We were going... We were going anyway.

326. - Yeah, yeah. - Yes.

327. Yes, we'll be there.

328. Sam, hook 'em up.

329. - Season 5 was atrocious. - Mmm.

330. - So I'll see you in Miami? - Yeah.

331. - All right, see you. - This is crazy.

332. Yeah, that's right. We are so in Miami.

333. - We'll see you there. - Wow.

334. Miami, here we come.

335. We're not really going to Miami, are we?

336. Of course we're going to Miami.

337. - No. - That night was a disaster.

338. Okay? We have a chance here for a do-over.

339. I don't need a do-over. I'm the victim, okay?

340. She punched me in the throat.

341. Guys, this isn't even a discussion, okay?

342. Abdul is here in the Lobster,

343. she invites us to the party, we go to the party.

344. We turn back the clock, we put that disaster to bed.

345. Oh, yeah, we're going, and this time,

346. we're gonna prove that we're not gonna screw it up.

347. That's right. With a little bit of hype.

348. No hype.

349. - A little bit. - No.

350. All right, the appropriate amount.

351. Mmm, no.

352. Less. Do this.

353. That.

354. Oh, I'm bringing this much. If we use it, we use it.

355. Oh, my God, there's only three.

356. There's only three laminates.

357. - Perfect. I'm out. God's plan. - No, no, no.

358. What are you talking about?

359. We'll settle this the way we do every big decision in our life, okay?

360. The four of us will compete in hidden camera challenges

361. on the way down to Miami,

362. and the loser does not go to that party.

363. - Road trip, guys. - Let's do it.

364. Let's just get in the car and do it. Road trip, baby.

365. - Yeah! - Guys, I have the perfect car.

366. - You guys are gonna love this. - Yes, yes, yes.

367. Every part of my body is rejecting this plan.

368. Who pays the bill, by the way? I pay the bill?

369. I pay the bill?

370. - Shotgun. - What? No.

371. - Come on. - Yeah, I saw and I said it.

372. That's not even right.

373. I get carsick, I can't sit back there.

374. - Your carsick is not my problem. - No.

375. You guys... Please, please, can you veto this?

376. I will vomit everywhere.

377. Veto it? Why would I veto that?

378. It's the rules of shotgun. You see the car,

379. you say "shotgun," you sit there.

380. Joe gets shotgun 'cause he respects the leather.

381. - Thank you, sir. - What... Whatever gave you

382. the impression I didn't respect it?

383. You scuffed the leather, man.

384. That's like punching Grandma Lucia in her face.

385. She... She killed herself in the back left seat, right?

386. Why don't we all get off our high horses here?

387. It's not that great of a car. It's not a Corvette.

388. No, I know. It's a Crown Vic. I know what this car is.

389. I mean, it's the vehicular equivalent of Baltic Avenue.

390. Baltic Avenue?

391. What, you going Monopoly on me?

392. You're the thimble. Yeah, and do not pass Go.

393. You go directly to the backseat, buddy.

394. I feel like I'm being sandbagged.

395. Question. Should I take a quick shit here or should I...

396. Would you guys just get in the car already?

397. - A trip it is. Whoop-whoop. - Yeah!

398. Oh, you know what?

399. Stacey!

400. Yo, baby.

401. - All right. - Now we're ready.

402. Let's go, let's go!

403. Yo!

404. If they have a...

405. - Let the guy out. - What's up, bro?

406. - Welcome. - Grizzly Adams.

407. We should play Mega Balls.

408. - Who? - Oh, you got that Mega Balls?

409. What?

410. Talk to me about your collection of jazz, smooth.

411. I don't know, man, there's, like, two aisles.

412. - Which one? - Dude, I just work here.

413. That's why I'm asking you.

414. - Let me ask you guys something. - Hmm.

415. You guys ever wonder what Murray gets up to

416. when we're not with him?

417. I would love to know.

418. We've been friends with him our whole life,

419. I go to sleep wondering what he does.

420. - Hmm. - I got ideas.

421. Tell me.

422. - He traveled a lot. - Yeah.

423. That time he went on that tour with Yanni in South America?

424. The Rainbows to Rainforest tour. I remember.

425. Yeah, but he kept using air quotes with that.

426. He did that with you?

427. Yeah, like, "If you 'need me, '

428. I'll be with 'Yanni' in 'South America."

429. Now, what does that mean?

430. Every part of that sentence is a fallacy?

431. "I'll be 'unavailable."

432. - Whoa. - What is that?

433. This is air quotes. We're all doing that.

434. - No, no, no. What's that? - "Unavailable."

435. - It's air quotes. - You're not calling

436. four people over. You gotta flip that in reverse.

437. Oh, all right, Missy Elliott, I wasn't sure.

438. - Got it. - Fellas.

439. - Yo. - Got it.

440. Right? For the road. For the road?

441. Right?

442. I don't even...

443. D.C., baby.

444. So today, we're stopping people

445. and telling them we gotta speak at a memorial.

446. The only thing is that we've written...

447. - Each other's... - ... eulogies, so,

448. at the end, we'll have to ask them, "Do you think it's fit to say?"

449. And if they say "no," we lose, if they say "yes," we win.

450. Oh, it's a sad day.

451. This...

452. This just shows you how fleeting life is, guys.

453. How about this old guy?

454. You got the right idea.

455. - Whew, too many steps. - Yeah, man.

456. You guys are in town just visiting

457. - the tours, the sights? - Yeah.

458. Look at the urn.

459. I'm in town, unfortunately, for sad reasons.

460. - I got a, uh... - Bucket of ashes right here.

461. I'm giving a eulogy.

462. - Oh. - You know, at a funeral.

463. You got a great mark. This guy is so into the idea.

464. We're doing the thing by the water, spread the ashes, you know.

465. - Oh, yeah. - That's kind of why people come

466. to the reflection pools.

467. Is that why people come to the reflecting pool, though?

468. I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to even do that.

469. Can I run the eulogy by you? It takes one second.

470. It's only a couple of sentences long.

471. Very, very brave for doing that.

472. Here's the eulogy I wrote.

473. "Grandma..."

474. "Grandma...

475. Grandma was a straight-up bitch.

476. You know it, Grandpa, we all know it.

477. And now she's dead and we've got her goddamn money.

478. Let's go to China Buffet

479. to celebrate this bitch's one-way ticket to hell."

480. What do you think? Is it ready to go?

481. I don't know what other people would think about that.

482. We all felt this way about Grandma.

483. - Oh. - We all did.

484. Including Grandpa.

485. So you think I should read this or should I change it?

486. I don't... I wouldn't.

487. - You wouldn't read it? - No.

488. I'm not good with public speaking.

489. - Forget the urn. Walk away. - All right.

490. Well, take care, sir.

491. - Have a great vacation. Enjoy. - Yeah.

492. - Take care now. - You bet.

493. Don't you want this?

494. Sir?

495. - Guys, can I ask you a question? - Here we go.

496. It's just a few words. I'm very nervous.

497. Can I read it to you, just to say it out loud,

498. - and tell me if you like it? - Sure.

499. I'm so nervous, the family's meeting me, uh...

500. Okay.

501. Uh, "Thank you all for coming to the spreading of the ashes

502. of Joey Dumps."

503. - Joey Dumps. - Joey Dumps.

504. "What could be said about Joey Dumps?

505. He took his lumps.

506. Joey Dumps was there for me, he let me see those dumps.

507. Dumps-da-dumps, dumps-dumps.

508. When you were down in the dumps,

509. who was there for you? Joey Dumps.

510. Dumps like a truck, truck, truck.

511. Guys like a what, what, what.

512. So to honor his last wish,

513. we now dump Dump's ashes and then go listen

514. to the final episode of his baseball-themed podcast,

515. Joey Dumps' Humps Chump Umps in the Rumps."

516. - It's so Joey Dumps. - It's very Joey Dumps.

517. - Do you think it— - It's very funny.

518. - Should I change anything? - No.

519. - No? - Oh!

520. It's a great memorial.

521. Thank you very much. I appreciate you guys.

522. Thank you. Good luck.

523. Thank you. He was a big Sisqó fan.

524. Wow. Ready to go.

525. - Way to go. - Well done, Sal.

526. Sal with a W.

527. My eulogy game, I crush. I give a good eulogy.

528. Are you guys ready?

529. Yeah, but the cameras aren't on you, bud.

530. How are we doing? Cameras aren't ready yet?

531. Guys, the secret is to...

532. pique interest.

533. Pique the curiosity of people.

534. Could you just hold this up?

535. I'm just gonna... Yeah, just hold that up.

536. Yeah, like that's perfect.

537. They're holding ashes.

538. There we go, that's great.

539. Yeah, I'm here for a memorial.

540. So I'm about to give a eulogy,

541. um, about this, so I'm just getting prepared.

542. Do you mind if I just say it out loud

543. - to you guys real quick? - Sure.

544. Yeah, hold her? Thanks. Okay.

545. Sometimes he makes it look easy.

546. "This that eulogy.

547. You know...

548. You know what it is, gang-gang.

549. Devon died. He got got.

550. He got shot. He loved life. He loved wife, my wife.

551. I shot that mother...

552. Eleven shots in the leg.

553. I ain't supposed to be here, but y'all know what?

554. Y'all can scratch. I came here to see him

555. put down and piss on the grave."

556. That's when I would take...

557. "Expose myself and start peeing..."

558. "Expose myself."

559. And then, "Remember to drink a lot of water prior,

560. as a note to myself. And then,

561. escape out the southeast exit of the cemetery.

562. And it's a right on red."

563. So that's how I would do that.

564. - Way too extreme. - Is it too extreme?

565. Yes!

566. I should probably just say he was a good guy.

567. Yeah, just probably... Yeah, yeah.

568. That's all you have to say, yeah.

569. So, not good to go, then?

570. Here goes Q.

571. He looks good, he's all cleaned up.

572. He always looks good.

573. Take a picture? Yeah, no problem.

574. Here you go, Q. They're in.

575. Got it.

576. There you go. Thank you. Thanks.

577. I'm, uh, doing a eulogy actually.

578. We're... We're supposed to dump the ashes in here.

579. It turns out you're not allowed to.

580. Do you mind if I run the speech by you 'cause I'm super nervous?

581. It's super short.

582. "What to say about cousin Frida?

583. Sure, she had loose morals

584. and a libido that wouldn't quit and that's..."

585. - How old are you? - Thirteen.

586. Thirteen? All right.

587. Cool. I'm good.

588. That's it. You're out.

589. It's all about how she died 'cause of STDs.

590. - Would you guys humor me? - Always.

591. Can we find a cave?

592. Don't ask.

593. Wait, it depends. For who?

594. You.

595. This... I mean, this idea basically was a layup for us.

596. - Yeah. - Just how do we make

597. Joe's stupid face look even more stupid?

598. The conceit here is Joe lost his tour

599. about three decades ago.

600. And he's been living under the earth ever since.

601. Middle of the summer when it's 110 degrees outside,

602. this is the place to be, I'll tell you that.

603. When you guys see Joe for the first time,

604. that's the first time we're seeing Joe.

605. I can't wait for this.

606. So, as we're coming through here,

607. kind of look along the ceiling.

608. We got lots of these little divots.

609. Here we go!

610. You'll notice these cracks.

611. That's the water movement when all this was under water.

612. Hello?

613. Yo. Oh, hey, man.

614. - Are you all right? - Yeah.

615. What's up?

616. Oh, my God. Oh!

617. Look at their faces. They're shocked.

618. Oh, my God. For real, though.

619. That's freaking me out.

620. It's freaking you out?

621. Imagine what this is like for me.

622. - You all right, dude? - No!

623. I watch too many movies.

624. I got lost a little while ago. Hey.

625. I didn't think he was... I didn't think he was gonna come out of his cave.

626. I was waiting for my parents.

627. I have been down here since 1987.

628. Dad said, "Don't have a cow, man.

629. Talk to the hand."

630. And I was here...

631. I got all turned around.

632. What happened was, I was looking for the gift shop...

633. It's on down the left.

634. I went on my ass to the left here...

635. I like your shirt.

636. "I'm the beef."

637. Joe, be proud of your "I'm the beef" shirt.

638. I'm the beef.

639. I'm the beef.

640. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

641. - I'll just fold in. - Uh, okay.

642. Well, the water...

643. Again, the water that moves through it,

644. that just opens up the cave.

645. So this water usually,

646. with the rain, will come up over the walkway.

647. Y'all have any questions?

648. I have a lot of questions.

649. - Uh, yeah. Go ahead. - Um...

650. Let's start with what year is it.

651. - It's 2018, sir. - Okay.

652. Let me check my pager.

653. Joe, have them fall in line

654. and walk in front of them like you're a sergeant.

655. Why don't you let me just tell everybody?

656. You're pissed at everybody.

657. - This water comes every... - Come on, Neal.

658. This is what happened.

659. You go off this ravine and it's a dead end.

660. - It goes up, like, 200 feet. - 350 feet, Neal.

661. Goes up 350 feet, okay?

662. I mean, if you're gonna talk out of your ass,

663. turn around so I can understand you.

664. Anybody know who shot J.R.?

665. Do you guys know who shot J.R.?

666. 'Cause I missed...

667. J.R. from Dallas, I missed that.

668. It's been on my mind for so long.

669. Dad?

670. Dad? What?

671. Didn't say shit.

672. Guys, uh, follow me out of here.

673. I'm dying to get outside.

674. Did Mondale get a second term?

675. Did Mondale get a second term?

676. Uh, okay, we're still rolling here, guys.

677. - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!

678. You scared the shit out of me.

679. Oh, my God!

680. paddle, paddle.

681. Hey, buddy, what's up?

682. Hey. Do you, uh, have a laptop charger or...

683. Which one? USB-C or the older ones?

684. Let's go, ladies! Keep it going!

685. Work the quads, work the glutes.

686. Anyways, what can I do for you, bud?

687. - "Let's go, ladies"? - Let's go, yeah.

688. Who are these ladies?

689. Do me a favor. Keep them encouraged while I'm gone.

690. - Let's go! - Let's keep it going!

691. You are dogging it. I wanna see more outta you.

692. You over there, you're looking good.

693. - Let's go! - Okay. It's too much.

694. It's too much.

695. I don't have USB-C. I have the older laptop.

696. So I haven't got it, bud.

697. - Come on! - Did... Did you?

698. I haven't got it, okay? Come on, ladies, let's go!

699. Let's go, let's go!

700. Q is on a boat with a couple of strangers.

701. And we've arranged for this boat to pull up

702. on someone in distress.

703. Q doesn't know who, how, or what the situation is.

704. In that moment the captain's gonna say,

705. because of the law,

706. he cannot accept anyone else on the boat

707. unless it's unanimously agreed upon. The catch is that...

708. We're gonna give them the reason why this guy can't get on the boat.

709. You see that?

710. Guy over there flagged us down.

711. - A guy? - Uh-oh, Q. Uh-oh, Q.

712. Somebody's in the water.

713. Curious who that is, Q?

714. Is that a...

715. Is that a...

716. A US soldier? A hero?

717. American hero.

718. It's GI Float.

719. I'm a US soldier in distress.

720. Can you please help?

721. We have to make sure that everyone's okay

722. with bringing him on.

723. Is that... You guys all right with that?

724. Yeah, it's all right.

725. You're okay to bring him on?

726. If he's in distress, then we gotta help him.

727. You okay to bring him on?

728. Well, hear me out.

729. I mean, we help a soldier in a dinghy,

730. what's that gonna do for his confidence?

731. If... If we...

732. If we were to help a soldier in a dinghy,

733. what's that do for his confidence?

734. We have backed him into a corner like no other.

735. Where's he from?

736. - Where did you serve? - Iraq.

737. Oh, so he survived Iraq. He's okay.

738. I thank you for your service.

739. I'm just saying, we don't really know anything

740. - about the guy. - Yeah.

741. They sell that outfit in any Army Navy store.

742. You know?

743. How is this even an issue?

744. I know this looks like

745. I don't wanna save a US soldier in distress.

746. - No, it doesn't. - It doesn't? Great.

747. - Oh! Oh, my God! - Wow.

748. How is he convincing people not to help a soldier?

749. I know, but I need a unanimous vote from you guys, seriously.

750. Yeah, we're good.

751. We talked it out and we're okay

752. just, uh, bailing on him.

753. I feel bad leaving him out.

754. Yes.

755. I need an answer from each of you, then, so...

756. I'll... I'll go with whatever the group decides.

757. - Let him on the boat. - Yeah.

758. Yeah. Let him on?

759. Where are you going to?

760. I actually was trying to get to Miami

761. to see the Paula Abdul concert.

762. Aren't we all?

763. This looks like a real party crowd

764. you have up there, pal.

765. We're about to roll up on somebody.

766. There you go. They're already worried.

767. What? It's a man in a boat?

768. Joe, why don't you go take a look at who's in distress.

769. Just watch Joe's face.

770. I'm stuck.

771. Can you swing around, give me a hand?

772. Oh, man.

773. I'm having trouble getting back on the boat.

774. It's a crazy thing.

775. Basically, maritime law says that if we bring him on,

776. everyone has to be okay with us bringing him on.

777. So it has to be unanimous?

778. It has to be unanimous.

779. - Is it all right with you? - No, it's fine.

780. - Is it okay with you, sir? - Yeah.

781. Oh, no.

782. I mean, hear me out.

783. I promised I'd never put myself into this situation again.

784. I promised I would never put myself in this situation again.

785. I've been burnt once. I'm not gonna let it happen twice.

786. - You're saying no? - I'm saying no, yeah.

787. Murr, I'm having issues with my dinghy.

788. Guys, I'm having issues with my dinghy.

789. I don't know which dinghy he's talking about.

790. I don't wanna know.

791. I mean, you gotta see it from our point of view, pal.

792. Joe, go on a rant. Take this thing over.

793. You got your buttocks out in the middle of the ocean

794. bobbing up and down. We've a lady on the boat.

795. I mean, you want us to take you on.

796. I mean, where are your trunks?

797. - What? - The logic doesn't track.

798. Where're your trunks?

799. Can we just help him get on his boat?

800. Joey, it's you versus Murr.

801. - He gets on, you lose. - That's it, pal.

802. If the rule is we both get on this boat,

803. I lose?

804. Pretty much.

805. What?

806. What are you doing?

807. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe...

808. What... What are you...

809. I'm out.

810. Is this for real?

811. He's gonna save him.

812. He's going to save him.

813. Come on!

814. So Murray's gonna lose.

815. - That's it, he's off. - Oh, my God, Murray...

816. Oh, he's not getting on the boat.

817. - Oh! - Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

818. How did you dare touch that ass?

819. I'll see you back at land.

820. Are you kidding me? Joe!

821. Do you have beer on this boat?

822. Son of a...

823. - Wow. This is special. - Oh!

824. You couldn't have booked something a little bit better?

825. Two-and-a-half stars. How many stars do you need?

826. All of them.

827. One of the reviews, Danny D says,

828. "Found two crack pipes, LOLZ," with a "Z."

829. Still gave it four stars.

830. - With a "Z"? - It's got cable.

831. - Yeah. - That's hip.

832. You guys did not think

833. we weren't gonna mess with Sal on this trip, did ya?

834. Yeah, that's right. We stopped at this roadside motel

835. because they allow pets.

836. You're about to see a grown man cry.

837. I sang like Paula Abdul.

838. Sal, you're gonna be fine. You're just...

839. You're just gonna see what he's doing.

840. - So what are you saying? - Get in.

841. - That's it. - What?

842. All right. Can I...

843. Just open the door, buddy.

844. There's no handle.

845. No handle? This isn't the nicest motel.

846. This wasn't right for today.

847. Sal, everybody knows you're afraid of cats.

848. Oh, my...

849. That's a tiger.

850. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

851. I can't do this. Oh, my God.

852. How did you get the insurance to sign off on this?

853. We didn't.

854. Guys, I don't think it's funny.

855. And I don't wanna do it.

856. Guys, please.

857. Guys, please?

858. Guys, please, I don't think it's funny, guys.

859. I can't move.

860. Yeah, that's probably wise that you don't move.

861. I've seen so many movies and so many TV shows,

862. in one second if this tiger wants to kill me,

863. the tiger's gonna kill me.

864. Guys, did you think this through all the way?

865. Not really. No.

866. How could you do this to me? What do I do?

867. Try to get, uh, out of the room, bud.

868. There's a door to your... Right in front of you.

869. Now he's more concerned about the lock than the tiger.

870. No, no, no, no, no, no...

871. - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Oh, my God!

872. - Guys, I can't... - I can't.

873. Good, he's brushing his teeth. Go.

874. - There he goes... - Oh, my God.

875. Get out of there. Get out of there. Quick.

876. Look at the poster in front of your face.

877. You think that's funny? You pieces of shit.

878. Just hang in there, pal.

879. Guys, I...

880. don't think this is funny.

881. Who's there?

882. Just let me in, guys. It's not funny.

883. Sal, it's super easy.

884. You just have to say this sentence.

885. - Go ahead. - "Let me in,

886. I'm a baby bitch boy."

887. Let me in, I'm the baby bitch boy.

888. No, no. That was what Joe wanted you to say.

889. I want you to say,

890. "Murr's funnier, smarter and better than me."

891. Come here, buddy. Come here, buddy.

892. Chaplin mustache will never come back.

893. - Oh, hey, bud. - Hey.

894. Do you, uh, know the Wi-Fi password?

895. Oh, the Wi-Fi? Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

896. - You don't have it in your room? - No. The card's not in there.

897. - One sec. - So, yeah.

898. Okay, just search for "Morgan Suites."

899. The password is "password."

900. Password is "password." That's not very secure.

901. - No. - Yeah. Oh. Hey.

902. It's the Houlihans. One sec.

903. Hey! Marissa, Chris, come on in, please, please.

904. - You look lovely. - Marissa, you look gorgeous.

905. And Chris, scotch is in the back.

906. - Take it easy this time. - Always.

907. - All right, buddy. Good night. - All right, man.

908. You have a good night.

909. Grover Cleveland was a Capricorn. Yeah, bud?

910. Are there any caps on the password?

911. - All caps. - All caps password.

912. - Yeah. - Yeah, thanks.

913. I guess I'm late.

914. What do you wanna do?

915. All right, this looks nice and cool in the sun.

916. This is gonna be great.

917. All right.

918. Here we go.

919. Oh, God. I'm gonna die.

920. Nobody told me your name, buddy.

921. So how about we go with Benjamin Horse.

922. Yes. All right.

923. Oh, my balls.

924. This says we go up one mile and make a left.

925. And then we can punch the guys.

926. I'd like to marry a girl like you one day.

927. Pretty, beautiful blue eyes.

928. Calm, steady demeanor.

929. You guys messed up because I'm having a blast!

930. This is the best road trip ever!

931. Let me ask you this.

932. When was the last time you had a E.L. Fudge?

933. - One week ago. - Really?

934. - No exaggeration. - You're lying.

935. I swear to God.

936. Fudge Stripe gets all the shine over at Keebler.

937. Fudge Stripe's a better cookie.

938. I'm talking Keebler, I'm talking E.L. Fudge,

939. I'm talking Fudge Stripe, and then I move on.

940. I'll give you $1,000

941. if any of you can tell me what "E.L." stands for.

942. I'm blowing your mind right now.

943. - Shh. - "Everybody loves"?

944. Shit.

945. You carry a thousand dollars with you?

946. I think I see someone.

947. - Yeah! - Yeah, here he is.

948. Welcome to the party, pal!

949. Come on, Fatiator.

950. Once my balls shot directly up in my body

951. about a mile back,

952. I started enjoying it.

953. - You got it. - Whoa!

954. - Be careful now. - Park it over there.

955. Okay? Okay.

956. - All right. - You good?

957. You're forever my horse, baby.

958. Murr, how...

959. This idiot.

960. What?

961. How does he even sleep like that?

962. Oh, man, he's got no idea what's coming.

963. Oh, I know. I've already made some calls.

964. Hi, how are you?

965. Well, ladies, right here, this is the birthday boy,

966. we're here to celebrate.

967. So let's do this.

968. I'm a little shy.

969. "I get shy in person."

970. I guess it is a little ridiculous.

971. Birthday, ladies.

972. What does this look like from your angle?

973. Happy birthday to you

974. Happy birthday to you

975. Happy birthday, dear Murray

976. Happy birthday to you

977. Are you serious?

978. That's Murray's family behind us.

979. That's his nieces and nephews.

980. Happy birthday, my friend.

981. Having fun out here!

982. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

983. Save your souls.

984. You flew my whole family, my nieces and nephews?

985. This is all fake?

986. Happy birthday!

987. Huh. The Atlanta Hawks are hiring.

988. For players?

989. Feel like they shouldn't put an ad out for that.

990. It's unclear.

991. All righty. Here we go.

992. - Murr? - Yep.

993. - How you doing, buddy? - I'm good.

994. Here we go. Here we go, guys.

995. Here we go. We're in.

996. Hey, I'm James Murray. Nice to meet you.

997. - Hey, nice to meet you. Joe. - How are you?

998. Good, good. How are you doing?

999. - I'm great. Thank you so much. - Awesome.

1000. - Well, uh, welcome. - Thank you.

1001. So, where are you coming in from?

1002. Oh, I live here in Atlanta.

1003. You answer the questions we ask you.

1004. So where're you from originally?

1005. Where do I see myself in five years?

1006. Well, in five years, I see myself,

1007. you know, on track to maybe managerial responsibilities.

1008. Okay, great.

1009. Um, so how did you hear about this role in particular?

1010. What do you feel your biggest strength is?

1011. My biggest strengths, uh, are...

1012. Um, I would say, uh, confidence.

1013. - Uh, approachability. - Sure.

1014. I, uh... I'm easy to talk with.

1015. Why leave your position at Georgia State?

1016. I saw you were there until March...

1017. In full disclosure...

1018. In full disclosure...

1019. I had a child out of wedlock.

1020. I... had a child out of wedlock.

1021. If that disqualifies me from the job, I understand.

1022. If that disqualifies me from the job, I... I understand.

1023. Nope. Nope, certainly not.

1024. I put a Polaroid camera. Just take a quick picture.

1025. - Cool. - Right.

1026. You got a...

1027. camera. Nice.

1028. Yeah.

1029. Get him to sign it. Get him to sign it.

1030. Well, um...

1031. Can you autograph? Is that cool?

1032. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, bring it.

1033. I mean, you're on the Hawks.

1034. I mean, you're on the Hawks, so...

1035. Yeah, well... Yeah.

1036. I have to apologize if I seem a little off.

1037. I have to apologize, by the way,

1038. if I seem a little off during the interview.

1039. Aunt Flo is in town...

1040. Aunt...

1041. Frick.

1042. Looks like I'm not getting the job.

1043. - Or the party ticket. - Yeah.

1044. Look at this, boys.

1045. This is big-time. You get this job,

1046. you're gonna be big-time, buddy.

1047. This is a big-time gig we're infiltrating.

1048. I'm ready for the big time.

1049. Here she comes.

1050. - Hello, hi. - How are you?

1051. How are you? I'm Brian.

1052. - Nice to meet you. - Very nice to meet you.

1053. Here we go. Here we go, Q.

1054. You have seen the job description, right?

1055. I have, yeah. I got it right here.

1056. Two words, "Under-qualified."

1057. Two words, under-qualified, but willing to learn.

1058. Willing to learn. That's great.

1059. Can you describe your style of management?

1060. - My style of management? - Mmm-hmm.

1061. Sure. Well, my nickname's Crab Cake, so if that's any indication.

1062. My nickname... All my, uh... All my, uh, workers call me Crab Cakes,

1063. if that's any indication.

1064. - Really? - Yeah. Crab Cakes, yeah.

1065. If the guys wanna call me Crab Cakes, hey, call me Crab... Crab Cakes.

1066. - Off topic... - Off topic...

1067. Is that stupid mascot of yours a woodpecker?

1068. What is that thing?

1069. Is that... That... That stupid mascot you have, is that a woodpecker?

1070. What is that thing?

1071. I can't even look.

1072. - Oh, my God. - I can't even look.

1073. - Um... - It's a hawk.

1074. I don't know what you call that bird.

1075. Yeah? Oh, it looks like a woodpecker.

1076. Tell me a little bit about yourself.

1077. Will I be pissing in a cup for a drug test?

1078. Do you know... Is, um...

1079. He doesn't wanna say it.

1080. Yeah, I really tanked this one.

1081. There's no way I'm gonna see Abdul.

1082. There's no way I'm gonna see Paula Abdul.

1083. Explain the plot of the movie.

1084. We're four high school friends.

1085. So, we're on a road trip for redemption

1086. for an incident that happened back in 1990

1087. that's coming back to haunt us now.

1088. And there's only three tickets to see Abdul

1089. and one of us can't go.

1090. Rate our movie.

1091. The movie's three-and-a-half stars.

1092. The movie's gonna be three-and-a-half stars.

1093. This interview is bullshit.

1094. This interview is bullshit.

1095. All right.

1096. It's total bullshit.

1097. It's all for the movie.

1098. Hey, buddy. Everything look cozy?

1099. Yep. What's that?

1100. That's Chase. You met him in a Big Brother program.

1101. Then you lost him, and now he's your guardian angel

1102. that looks over you during all big events,

1103. including job interviews.

1104. - Hi. - Oh, hey, hi.

1105. - How are you? - How are you?

1106. - I'm Sherry Randall. - That's actually, uh, Chase.

1107. - Okay. Great. - Um...

1108. Uh, he was my little brother in the Little Brother Big Brother program.

1109. - Okay. - He is like my guardian angel.

1110. He's gonna look over the interview for me.

1111. - Ah, I think that's great. - Thank you.

1112. I was like, "Did someone leave that in here?"

1113. No. What is your name?

1114. - Randy. Randy, yeah. - Randy.

1115. - Sorry, nice to meet you. - Sal. I'm Sal.

1116. Immediately launch into why the Earth is flat.

1117. I like talking to people about all different types of things.

1118. - Right. - You know, for example...

1119. like, no denying for me that the...

1120. You know, I believe the Earth is flat.

1121. So I like to talk about that.

1122. Okay, great.

1123. How do you feel about the shape of the Earth?

1124. What is your opinion on the shape of the Earth?

1125. - Um, I mean... - There's the look.

1126. I'm pretty literal. So, I'm gonna go with round.

1127. Yeah, most people think it's round, but...

1128. - Yeah. - ... they'd be wrong.

1129. They told me to bring a recommendation, so I brought one.

1130. They said to bring a rec... A recommendation, too,

1131. and I also have a recommendation.

1132. Sal, pull out the iPad there.

1133. Uh... So, here.

1134. It's Sal's mom, Adele.

1135. Please hire him. He'd be a good employee.

1136. He doesn't steal.

1137. He's a good boy.

1138. He pays me to clean his house.

1139. So, please, please, please hire him so he can keep paying me.

1140. Oh, my God. That was awesome.

1141. - You good? - Oh, hell no.

1142. Instead of "Hell no," do the singing version of it.

1143. Hell naw To the naw, naw, naw

1144. - I'm so sorry. - It's okay.

1145. What are you writing?

1146. What are you writing?

1147. - My notes. - Oh, great.

1148. Take notes.

1149. Sal, take notes.

1150. Sal, just go, "Are there one 'T' or two in 'pretty'?"

1151. Yeah, done!

1152. Done, boys. Well done.

1153. Okay, so... This is my outfit?

1154. Yeah, Joey.

1155. We put you in a breakaway basketball warmup suit.

1156. So, as soon as the person comes in, you just get ready for game time.

1157. - Hey. How are you? - Good. How are you?

1158. - Big hug. - Nice to see you.

1159. - Emily. Nice to meet you. - It's nice to meet you.

1160. Yeah, I'm ready to do this.

1161. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's amazing.

1162. - Right. - That is awesome.

1163. So nice to meet you. Uh, I'm Emily, I'm the building security manager.

1164. - Building security manager? - Yes, sir.

1165. - What's your name again, I'm sorry? - Emily.

1166. Yes, sir. I'm gonna let you get started.

1167. Other than that amazing intro.

1168. - Oh, thank you. - So, Joe, where are you from?

1169. - Tell me a little bit about yourself. - Um...

1170. Nah, nah.

1171. Nah. I didn't wanna... I didn't really wanna get into that.

1172. What's that? Which part?

1173. My past. My shadowy past.

1174. My shadowy past. I didn't really wanna start...

1175. Keep... Keep saying "off the record."

1176. Off the record, I negotiated prices for my bulk supplies.

1177. - Mmm-hmm. - I would let them in through the side...

1178. Joe, she's writing this down. It's off the record.

1179. Yeah, but this is all off the... This is all off the record.

1180. No, no, you're fine. I'm just talking about your extensive knowledge...

1181. Got it. Got it.

1182. Um, what else could I tell you off the record?

1183. Joe, have a roving finger.

1184. There was one time when a whole crew

1185. was here and they had... Actually they're on the other side

1186. of the campus, but the middle was closed.

1187. So I couldn't get them through.

1188. We had to actually go around the whole thing.

1189. - But off the record. - Off the record, Monica.

1190. Off the record, we went through the closed road, Monica.

1191. Here comes the roving finger.

1192. And you know, there was a lot of teams up here,

1193. and then we brought them down south, you know,

1194. we connected everybody and they all had

1195. conferences and stuff...

1196. But, uh, I...

1197. Excuse yourself for one quick moment

1198. to go to the bathroom and then go downstairs and play basketball.

1199. Um, I'm need to use the restroom real quick.

1200. - I'm sorry. - Yeah, sure. No worries.

1201. - I'll be right back. - Yeah.

1202. - I'll be right back. - Yeah, okay.

1203. I'm sorry. Thanks.

1204. Look at her face!

1205. Her face is...

1206. Almost.

1207. Joey. Uh, security really sucks around here.

1208. You good?

1209. Yeah, security really sucks.

1210. I was able to just go down and shoot hoops.

1211. - Well... - So, security's an issue.

1212. Yeah. Security's an issue.

1213. - All right. - And, uh...

1214. Do you have any further questions for me?

1215. Tell her you'll be in touch and she did great.

1216. And that's it, yeah. Thank you so much.

1217. You did great.

1218. We'll be in touch.

1219. I'll get you...

1220. Hey, appreciate it. We'll let you know.

1221. Possibly, maybe we'll hire her.

1222. Maybe we'll hire her. I'm not sure if we'll hire her.

1223. - Take a left right here. - Here we go.

1224. Yeah, baby. Yeah.

1225. Disgusting loading dock. Nice, guys.

1226. Now do you wanna tell me why we're here?

1227. We're just gonna pop into this social media convention real quick.

1228. - Uh-huh. - Here's your credentials.

1229. We're having fun with you today at your expense.

1230. Bud, you're, uh... You're on in ten minutes.

1231. You're terrible at social networking, so...

1232. Give it up one more time for your When Brands Take A Stand panel.

1233. So, we're at the Social Shake-up,

1234. which is a tremendous social media conference here.

1235. And Q is about to go up and give a presentation.

1236. - Yeah. - We wrote the presentation.

1237. He's never seen a single one of these slides.

1238. There's 600 people here,

1239. which is a little more than we usually have.

1240. "A little more"?

1241. Uh, we do have a last-minute addition to the roster.

1242. We have a new speaker coming up.

1243. We have been trying to do this for years.

1244. Please welcome to the stage, Peter Foakes.

1245. - Peter Foakes. - Peter Foakes.

1246. Good morning, everybody.

1247. Very excited to be here. Thank you for having me.

1248. My name is Peter Foakes.

1249. They brought me here, 'cause I'm...

1250. Really been doing well as a social media influencer.

1251. So, uh, why don't we get started?

1252. "How to become a social media influencer,"

1253. or as my dad calls it, "Not have a real job."

1254. So, here we go.

1255. His world after this is gonna change.

1256. We may not be friends after this moment.

1257. I recently interviewed social media influencer

1258. Franz Goldberg. You guys know who that is?

1259. Oh, you're gonna love this. Okay.

1260. Hi, my name is Franz Goldberg, and I'm what you would call

1261. a social media influencer.

1262. Uh, my major platform is YouTube.

1263. Advertisers wanna...

1264. I can provide them—

1265. It's interrupting.

1266. Did somebody call a plumber?

1267. Yes. I need my pipes cleaned.

1268. It's Q's parents.

1269. It's Q's real parents.

1270. I can help with that.

1271. Oh, goodie. Come this way.

1272. Oh, yeah. Good pipes.

1273. Oh. Oh, yes.

1274. Technology's a place...

1275. I must've recorded over an old tape on that one.

1276. Also, um, you probably shouldn't use tapes

1277. in the modern era, 'cause of accidents like that.

1278. You know, digital... I would say digital is the way to go.

1279. He can't even speak.

1280. His mind is blown.

1281. Okay. Well, look, identify, uh, the major brands

1282. that fit with your brands...

1283. You know, knowing to stay on brand is basically what I'm saying.

1284. Uh... No, no. Okay.

1285. I hope this one doesn't get interrupted, buddy.

1286. Well, why don't we give a listen to what Franz Goldberg has to say about brands.

1287. Yo. You think they would've just brought Franz here,

1288. but, no, we got tape.

1289. My audience likes that I'm real.

1290. They don't wanna be fed—

1291. Oh, there's my... There's Dad.

1292. Well, hello there.

1293. May I help you?

1294. I'm here to plant some seeds.

1295. He's a gardener. You can tell by his hat.

1296. Let me show you where you can plant it.

1297. Yes, come on.

1298. That bush needs trimming.

1299. My dad had a lot of side jobs.

1300. - So did your mom. - So did your mom, apparently.

1301. So did my mom, apparently.

1302. Are there any questions?

1303. No? No questions. I didn't think so.

1304. All right. Well, I have a few questions myself.

1305. - Thank you. - Well done, buddy.

1306. Well done.

1307. - Come on. Come on. - Bring it in.

1308. Hey, Brian. Dad's on his way.

1309. - How did it go? - How did it go?

1310. - Brian. - Yeah.

1311. I didn't know who was gonna be more embarrassed, you or us.

1312. Well, I'll tell you what, it didn't look like

1313. you guys were embarrassed.

1314. Mr. and Mrs. Quinn, I'll be by next week

1315. - to film the sequel, okay? - All right. Get out of here.

1316. Don't answer the phone when they call anymore, okay?

1317. All right, love you, Ma. I love you, Dad.

1318. I'll talk to you guys in a little bit.

1319. Well, here it is.

1320. Oh, yeah.

1321. There's an event going on.

1322. What is it? Right now. What is it?

1323. Okay.

1324. Sal, one of your closest friends is in town tonight.

1325. Yeah. Jaden Smith has a movie premiere.

1326. Stop it.

1327. All right, Sal, so now, you're Jaden's number one fan.

1328. And all you gotta do is just walk around and, uh, let people know it.

1329. All right. Where's our boy?

1330. I feel like an idiot.

1331. Let me see that tattoo, buddy.

1332. Hi. Can I take a picture of your tattoo? It's awesome.

1333. Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.

1334. - Nice shorts! - I'm just his number one fan.

1335. Honestly, I see it. I really see it.

1336. Guys, now do you see what I had envisioned so many seasons ago?

1337. All right, Sal, you're up. Three, two, one.

1338. Jaden Smith's number one fan.

1339. - Right here. - I'm his number one fan.

1340. Act like his number one fan, buddy.

1341. I'm his number one.

1342. You think you're Jaden's number one fan?

1343. - Yeah, I do. - You got the shirt?

1344. I wish I had this shirt.

1345. - You got the tat? Come on. - Oh.

1346. - You know Jaden's blood type? - There you go.

1347. - Is it B? - Wrong.

1348. - What is it? - A-negative.

1349. - Yeah, right. - Yeah, it is.

1350. Sal, I need a little bit more crazy eyes.

1351. Can I see your tattoo?

1352. - Has anybody seen him? - Can I see your tattoo?

1353. I gotta meet him. I gotta meet him.

1354. Yo, do you know when the Q&A is with Jaden?

1355. Do you know when the Q&A is?

1356. - It's just wait and hold. - Wait and hold?

1357. - Do you know where Jaden is? - What?

1358. - Do you know where Jaden is? - I don't.

1359. - I'm so sorry. - You're no help to me.

1360. Jaden's movie is now ended and there's a Q&A afterward.

1361. - This is awesome. - There he is.

1362. There's Jaden.

1363. Before we do that, I just wanted to start off...

1364. Pop up, Sal.

1365. So, I have a million questions,

1366. but do we have some questions out here from the audience?

1367. Come on, buddy. Get into it.

1368. So we have a question right over here.

1369. Yes! Yes! Whoo!

1370. I'm just the number one Jaden Smith fan.

1371. I'm just Jaden's number one fan.

1372. - Can we hug? Can I... - Why don't you come on up here?

1373. Really? Oh, thank you guys so much.

1374. Don't you guys mind?

1375. Thank you, thank you.

1376. What Sal doesn't know is that

1377. Jaden is in cahoots with us this whole time.

1378. - Yes. - Oh, look at those shorts.

1379. Come on, come on.

1380. Come on over.

1381. Come on over. Wow.

1382. Thanks for coming out.

1383. Oh, cool. This is very cool.

1384. Thank you so much.

1385. Are you serious?

1386. - Oh, my God! - Are you serious?

1387. - What? - Are you serious?

1388. I got this a few years ago. Been waiting to show it to you.

1389. I just feel like I look a lot different.

1390. Maybe we could get it, like, redone.

1391. Sal, just say, "Well, I do have this other thigh."

1392. revamped.

1393. Something... Just 'cause it's old. It's just old.

1394. You know, I feel like, if it was newer...

1395. I... I do have this other thigh,

1396. like an updated version of it.

1397. You need anything, buddy?

1398. - I'm good, I guess. - Not you.

1399. Yes, I'm fine, Joe. Thank you.

1400. That's it. I think we're done.

1401. Yeah.

1402. We did it. We did it!

1403. Oh! I gotta see this.

1404. Hold on. Hold on.

1405. Are you ready to meet yourself?

1406. Three, two, one.

1407. Oh, my God!

1408. That might be the best tattoo I've ever seen.

1409. This is definitely better than the last one.

1410. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

1411. Jaden, we'll see you in five years?

1412. Oh, yeah.

1413. Hopefully, before then.

1414. I know. It's just like Ibiza.

1415. Hey, bud. What's up?

1416. Is that the molly?

1417. It's not the molly.

1418. Dimitri, bring down the beat.

1419. Uh, what is this shit?

1420. What's that, bud?

1421. Here we go. Now it's a party. Later, Q.

1422. Okay. Yep.

1423. All right, so that's what he does at night. Okay.

1424. Good boy.

1425. Did you get the toys I sent?

1426. Okay. Oh... Oh.

1427. Benjamin. Okay, don't... Don't...

1428. Don't hang up, don't hang up.

1429. He hung up.

1430. Well, Brian Quinn misses his cats.

1431. Your cats? I miss my family.

1432. You know my daughter Michaela?

1433. She rode a bike for the first time yesterday.

1434. I wasn't there.

1435. - Milana? - Who's that?

1436. Your daughter.

1437. Her name is Milana.

1438. Sweet Jesus. How long have we been gone?

1439. Three days.

1440. What are we doing, all right? We're four grown men.

1441. We're out here jacking around

1442. trying to fix a mistake we made when we were kids.

1443. - It's stupid. - Yeah. You know what?

1444. Maybe we didn't think this one all the way through.

1445. I've been getting phone numbers. Girls!

1446. Local girls that wanna meet me.

1447. But if you guys wanna leave and go home,

1448. I'm ready to go now.

1449. Yeah. Yeah, me, too. I'll go.

1450. Yeah, I gotta get back to what's-her-face.

1451. - All right. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

1452. - We're almost there. - Sal, come on.

1453. - Going home, bud. - Come on, bud.

1454. No!

1455. We're not going anywhere.

1456. Sal, what are you doing?

1457. We're gonna finish what we started.

1458. He's gone loco.

1459. I didn't come here all this way to turn around!

1460. To quit!

1461. I'm not gonna go back home.

1462. Staten Island's like... It's like, "You know that great guy

1463. Sal Vulcano and his friends that he has?

1464. They turned around, they went all the way down to Georgia."

1465. Not today, babies.

1466. I did it.

1467. Shut the fuck up.

1468. It's fine, all right? We'll stay, we'll keep going.

1469. Whatever you need, buddy.

1470. We were just tired. Got a little homesick.

1471. Yeah. Put the board down.

1472. Okay, great. 'Cause as long as we come to an agreement...

1473. 'Cause I just wanna see Abdul.

1474. - Communicate. - Thank you, guys.

1475. All you do is say, "Let's keep going." We'll go.

1476. I get emotional.

1477. You weren't really gonna hit us with that, were you?

1478. For me, it's unclear.

1479. I think this car breaks down on the side of most roads,

1480. people are gonna stop and help.

1481. - I agree. - Yeah, I think so.

1482. I think they will stop to help,

1483. but the question is, how long will they stick around?

1484. - Until... Until it gets weird. - Until it gets weird.

1485. How weird should we make it is the real question.

1486. - Guys, did we just make plans? - I think we did.

1487. Pull over, we got some work to do.

1488. You got it.

1489. Park her right here. Let's do it.

1490. All right, here we go.

1491. Sal, you broke down unfortunately, buddy.

1492. Your object is to get people to stop you to help you.

1493. Otherwise, you're gonna be standing down on the grass

1494. next to the car, getting bit by mosquitoes.

1495. All right, well, the quickest way to do this is to just make them stop, right?

1496. I'm proud of you, buddy.

1497. - You're taking some initiative. - Wow.

1498. She's, uh... She's dead.

1499. Whoo, she went down. Couple of miles back.

1500. Hey, how you doing, man?

1501. Uh, it's two guys, and I think they might wanna kill me.

1502. Here we go.

1503. Hey, how you doing, bro? Sal.

1504. Hey, my name's Sal. What's your name?

1505. Mark.

1506. Usually when something goes wrong, I just blast something up the tailpipe.

1507. Usually if something goes wrong, I just blast something up the tailpipe.

1508. Up the tailpipe?

1509. Well, I mean, first rule of thumb, right?

1510. You get broke down,

1511. you gotta blast something right up the tailpipe.

1512. I was gonna blast something, but I don't have nothing.

1513. That's what I thought you do.

1514. - No, no, no. - No.

1515. Guys, why isn't this fixed yet?

1516. Yeah, Sal.

1517. I don't even... I wish I knew more about the thing.

1518. What's the issue?

1519. I mean, you can't fix it already, or what's going on?

1520. We don't know what it's doing.

1521. I mean, you know, guys,

1522. you've been here a couple of minutes already, guys.

1523. Tick-tock, Bill.

1524. This is really nice of you guys,

1525. 'cause, you know, I never would've stopped for you guys.

1526. I mean, I gotta be honest, you fellows are top-notch, it's...

1527. Sal, you're gonna say that line or no?

1528. Here we go.

1529. I wouldn't have stopped for you guys, so that's really nice.

1530. Wouldn't be no use to stop, man.

1531. Yeah, right, right, right.

1532. The only thing I could suggest... If you guys were stuck, I would've...

1533. Blast something up your tailpipe, Bill.

1534. All right, bud, head around to the trunk.

1535. We've hidden something in there for him.

1536. I think I got something here, let me see.

1537. Here we go.

1538. Okay.

1539. Bill...

1540. So, Sal, on the backseat, we put a check for Good Samaritans.

1541. This is... Guys... Mark, Bill, this is the check...

1542. for Good Samaritans who stopped and pulled over to help me.

1543. This is the check for five...

1544. Take that, Mark, go ahead.

1545. Hello.

1546. Mark's still rocking a flip.

1547. You took the call right in the middle of the check ceremony. So, anyway...

1548. Guys, this is from the Staten Island Credit Union,

1549. this is a Good Samaritan check for $5,000 for helping people in need.

1550. - Ain't legal tender. - Try to rip it.

1551. You don't want it? 'Cause I'll...

1552. Yeah, yeah, don't tear that, don't tear that.

1553. Thank you, Bill, that's for you, man.

1554. Murr, you're walking funny.

1555. Yeah, no kidding I'm walking funny, Joe.

1556. Is it because of that thong we put on you?

1557. - What thong? This thong? - There it is.

1558. Dude, thank you.

1559. What's your name, bud? What's is it? I'm sorry.

1560. - Dennis. - Dennis, I'm James.

1561. I appreciate you stopping, Denise.

1562. I appreciate you stopping...

1563. I appreciate you stopping, Denise.

1564. - I don't know the first thing. - Okay.

1565. Come around here. I'll show you what I noticed before.

1566. I noticed that, before, it was smoking primarily

1567. from this area here. And then...

1568. I ain't got time for this, man. I don't even...

1569. - Murr loses again. - Son of a bitch.

1570. Did I just lose?

1571. Did I just lose? The thong was his weakness?

1572. - Murr, you gotta go again. - Yeah.

1573. What, is this like double or nothing?

1574. Thank you so much, man. I appreciate it.

1575. - James. Nice to meet you, bud. - Nice to meet you, man.

1576. Here's what happened. So I'm driving before,

1577. but, I don't... I don't even know what I'm looking at, bro.

1578. Wanna have a laugh?

1579. Fake strangle me when the next car pulls by.

1580. You wanna have a little fun? Watch.

1581. Okay, okay, okay, okay. When this guy pulls by,

1582. pretend you're strangling me, okay?

1583. Get into it.

1584. Flail your arms.

1585. No... Keep going. Don't stop now.

1586. Oh, come on.

1587. Nailed it. Thanks, man. That was awesome.

1588. You know what, dude? I'm so glad that you pulled over.

1589. I'm so glad you pulled over.

1590. I was afraid it was gonna be a woman and then...

1591. I was, uh... Nope. Nope.

1592. Nope, nope, nope.

1593. Car's a real lemon right now, buddy.

1594. There you go.

1595. Oh. Oh, thank God.

1596. - Jump up and down. You're so excited. - Yeah, yeah.

1597. Oh, yay.

1598. Clap, clap, clap!

1599. Turn around. Do it in circles. Do it in circles.

1600. I have been waiting for somebody to pull over for so long.

1601. Oh, yes.

1602. Dude, thank you so much. Yay.

1603. I love this car, man. I've had this car for so long,

1604. and then I was riding, I hit a bump,

1605. and then it just... It just died. It won't go again.

1606. You believe that?

1607. The old wagon's down for the count.

1608. It's just dead, man.

1609. The wagon's down for the count.

1610. Yeah.

1611. - I lost my virginity in this car. - So did my older brother.

1612. So did my older brother.

1613. - My younger brother. - So did my younger brother.

1614. - My sister did. - My sis... My sister did.

1615. It was a hell of a night.

1616. It was a hell of a night.

1617. It's...

1618. It was a hell of a night.

1619. - Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah.

1620. You know what I got in the trunk?

1621. Yeah, show him what you have in the trunk.

1622. You've got a hundred pounds of cocaine and bags full of cash.

1623. What we have here

1624. is about a hundred pounds of cocaine.

1625. You're not... You're not DEA, are you?

1626. You don't work for the fuzz, do you?

1627. I'll tell you what, bro, you didn't see nothing.

1628. Put that back in the car. Hurry up. Here comes a bus.

1629. This is... A bus? Oh, shit.

1630. - You think anybody saw me? - No, I don't think so.

1631. You think they saw my face?

1632. You never saw me!

1633. Guys, this is...

1634. This is a whole thing.

1635. Joe, for no reason,

1636. stop traffic and let cars go indiscriminately.

1637. Let's stop a car.

1638. He's gonna walk right into the road.

1639. Okay.

1640. Take it easy. I got 17 cars.

1641. You're in.

1642. Good. Good. Good. Good.

1643. Come on, come on.

1644. - Come on. Come on. Come on. - Stop.

1645. There you go.

1646. Joe, both arms, windmill, opposite directions.

1647. There you go.

1648. There you go.

1649. Guys, nobody'll stop to help me.

1650. What are you doing?

1651. Okay, this guy just pulled over.

1652. - Hi, I'm Joe. Good to see you, pal. - Mitch.

1653. So the problem was, I was driving down this road.

1654. Keep him walking around the whole car.

1655. And then when I started, I hit a bump.

1656. And then I heard a da-dun-dun-dun. Come on.

1657. And I hit a ba-bump-bump.

1658. And then when I hit it,

1659. I heard a jiggle-jiggle here. There was a jiggle.

1660. Take him around the whole car.

1661. Then on the other side here, this...

1662. Joe, I need two full rotations.

1663. This is... Here. This is one car. This is...

1664. - This is one. - Come on, take a walk with me.

1665. So, I saw back here

1666. that this wheel started... Like, if you look...

1667. - Like, this is on pretty good. - Okay.

1668. But the other one... Come on here, Mitch.

1669. Let me show you real quick.

1670. No, now you went the other way.

1671. He's undoing it, Joe.

1672. All right, you're undoing... You undoing the loop.

1673. - No, you gotta come this way. - Yes.

1674. So now this... Now we're back on track.

1675. So this will be a second rotation, yeah?

1676. This... This hubcap is off.

1677. The other side, the two came off.

1678. - Okay. - This one here, hubcap.

1679. So I got two hubcaps. So now...

1680. I think I actually need three rotations, Joe.

1681. Damn it. How many rotations?

1682. You need one more.

1683. What are you trying to accomplish here, Joe?

1684. Oh, me? Oh, no, I'm trying to get the car to start.

1685. I'll walk you through what happened. Come here.

1686. Mitch, you gotta look at this, Mitch.

1687. - Mitch! - Hold on, hold on, hold on.

1688. - Mitch. Mitch. - Hold on, hold on.

1689. Joe, start hiding from him.

1690. But I don't need...

1691. I'm not gonna chase you around the car, Joe.

1692. Hey, man, you're gonna make me leave you, man, okay?

1693. - Hey, man, I'm gone, man. - No, no, Mitch! Look at this.

1694. Mitch, wait, but look, you gotta look at this last one. Come here.

1695. Mitch, Mitch, you're my best friend.

1696. We're best friends, Mitch. Mitch, come here.

1697. All I'm trying to do is help you.

1698. You wanna help me go, go around the car one more time!

1699. - One more time. - Okay?

1700. - Guess what? - What?

1701. - You gotta follow me. - Okay.

1702. Damn.

1703. - I'm following you, Mitch. - Joe.

1704. And then, Joe, after this, I'm going home.

1705. Okay, you... You accomplished your goal.

1706. I did. I did accomplish my goal.

1707. - And you have a good day. - That's it.

1708. Mitch, you're unbelievable, buddy. Thank you so much.

1709. That's how you hit home runs. Great work, boys.

1710. Lovely Florida... Oh, what do we have here?

1711. Check it out.

1712. Murr's a loser!

1713. Murr's forever our loser.

1714. No Abdul for you, baby.

1715. - Look at this. - We have arrived.

1716. Oh, look at this!

1717. Welcome to Miami, gentlemen.

1718. We checking in?

1719. You bet your sweet ass we're checking in,

1720. you bedroom-eyed baby bitch. Just kidding.

1721. We need help with luggage?

1722. - We're straight. - All good here, dawg.

1723. Door.

1724. Hey, watch the leather.

1725. Good joke.

1726. It's always...

1727. I gotta go back down.

1728. VIPs.

1729. What do you think? What do you think?

1730. VIP. Stands for "very important man."

1731. - Abdul! - Get to the party.

1732. Abdul!

1733. Abdul! Abdul! Abdul!

1734. - Abdul! Abdul! Abdul! Abdul! - Whoo!

1735. Wow, look at this place, huh?

1736. - Oh, yeah. - Door.

1737. - This is fancy. - Wow, check it...

1738. We made it, boys.

1739. It's us. Settle down. Everybody, settle down.

1740. You have a finger

1741. - in your ass... - Very good. All right.

1742. on television.

1743. There you go.

1744. This is so nice.

1745. - Paula. - Hey, Paula.

1746. - Hey, guys. - Hey.

1747. How are you? You made it. Where's Murr?

1748. Who he?

1749. Oh, it turns out there was only three tickets.

1750. So we decided to compete in hidden camera challenges...

1751. You guys are hysterical.

1752. Okay.

1753. - Well, there's our table. - She thinks I'm hysterical.

1754. - That's nice. - You are funny.

1755. That looks like Murr from Impractical Jokers.

1756. No way, he looks too sad and lonely.

1757. Yeah, and they're never seen alone. They're tight like that.

1758. Yeah. So, anyways, um, like I was saying...

1759. Okay, so when you're making a balsamic reduction,

1760. you really wanna have the flame in a nice simmer.

1761. If the heat is too hot,

1762. it's not gonna reduce the way you want it.

1763. And the most important part

1764. is to put the drizzle right when it's hot.

1765. And that's for chicken, salad, fish dishes, whatever?

1766. Any dish. It's about the presentash.

1767. What are you doing?

1768. Kind of gettin' back into it a little bit.

1769. It looks like you're hurt.

1770. Nah, I feel great.

1771. That does not look like you think it looks, buddy.

1772. I don't know if I agree with you.

1773. Everyone here agrees with us.

1774. All right, we need Murray back

1775. 'cause we're starting to turn on each other.

1776. You know, it just doesn't feel right without Murr.

1777. Because he's not here, I'll admit it, I miss him a little.

1778. What are we even still doing here?

1779. We accomplished what we set out to do.

1780. We didn't mess up the night. I'm not having fun.

1781. We're nowhere near Paula anyway.

1782. Why don't we make like a tree and go make fun of Murray?

1783. - Yeah. - All right.

1784. Look at this vanilla angel.

1785. He's magnificent.

1786. You glorious, luminous ferret.

1787. I made the cut, I made the cut.

1788. I'm in, boys.

1789. You just had to come, didn't you?

1790. Unmitigated gall, bro.

1791. I mean, you lost and you show up? What about the rules?

1792. Yeah, I mean, we're gonna Pass Go and Collect $200,

1793. we're breaking rules?

1794. I'm not playing Monopoly like that.

1795. Really? I thought you guys would be realizing

1796. that the four of us are better together.

1797. This place is the bomb-dot-com.

1798. There's Paula Abdul. Paula!

1799. - Right? She's right there. - Hi.

1800. She's clocking us in a weird way.

1801. It's them.

1802. You bald idiot.

1803. You wore the jacket.

1804. It's them.

1805. She's put it all together. We gotta get out of here.

1806. - Run. - My throat!

1807. Suck it, Abdul!

1808. - Yeah! - Yeah!

1809. Hey, baby

1810. - Sal. - His throat.

1811. My beautiful boy!

1812. Take 'em out back.

1813. - Who are you? - I run this town,

1814. not the cartel,

1815. not the yakuza,

1816. Abdul.

1817. You're evil. And you, you're a monster.

1818. You know, I'm gonna make you forever my bitch!

1819. No!

1820. And this is where our story should end.

1821. I mean, we really screwed the night up.

1822. My sweet, sweet Sal was tased.

1823. I'm saving him like a real man, sure,

1824. but Murr is screaming like a little ferret.

1825. Paula's good and pissed.

1826. And Joe... Wait, where is Joe?

1827. Hey, Paula.

1828. I mean, I came here to party, right?

1829. I got this, boys!

1830. Make money, money. Make money, money.

1831. Make money, money. Make money, money.

1832. Take money, money. Take money, money.

1833. Take money, money. Take money, money.

1834. Save money, money. Save money, money, money.

1835. Save money, money. Save money, money, money.

1836. 401k! 401k!

1837. 401k! 401k!

1838. DJ, hit it.

1839. Paula, get your Abdul ass up here.

1840. - Hey, baby - Oh, oh

1841. You gotta remember

1842. I remember.

1843. I'm forever your girl

1844. For how long?

1845. Baby, forever and ever and ever

1846. You know I am

1847. Yeah, let's do it!

1848. Give it up for Joe!

1849. And the Impractical Jokers, they're in the house.

1850. And they drove the whole way here.

1851. She forgives us!

1852. Baby, pick your head up

1853. Pick your head up! Pick your head up!

1854. Come on and look me in the face

1855. 'Cause I can tell that somethin'...

1856. What?

1857. is bringing you down

1858. Paula Abdul!

1859. You did it!

1860. Baby, just remember I gave you my heart

1861. Tell me!

1862. Ain't no one gonna tear us apart

1863. He can promise the moon

1864. Hands in the air!

1865. And the stars above

1866. Even if he promised me the world

1867. Wow, I love Miami.

1868. - What a night. What a night! - Yes!

1869. - I know. - Unbelievable.

1870. Man, I'm so glad I threatened your lives with that two-by-four.

1871. - Fellas... I love you. - Yeah.

1872. You're my best friends.

1873. - Epic. Epic night, guys. - Yeah.

1874. I don't say this enough, but I... I...

1875. Hey, Fatone!

1876. You mind keeping it down back there? We're trying to have a moment.

1877. Sorry.

1878. I thought I had known everything there was to know about us,

1879. but I learned a few things on this trip.

1880. Sal loves tigers.

1881. Yeah, Murr loves going to strip clubs with his young nieces.

1882. Q's parents love softcore porn.

1883. - No. No, they do not. - They do.

1884. - They do not. - They do. They produce it.

1885. They do not.

1886. I'll tell you what the biggest thing that surprised me

1887. was how good of a hype man Joe turned out to be after all.

1888. Not bad, buddy.

1889. I should talk to you boys about something.

1890. An offer came in.

1891. Abdul wants me to go full-time as her hype man.

1892. World tour. Unbelievable.

1893. Seven-figure salary. 401k. Full benefits.

1894. Everything.

1895. You know? She even offered me my own reality show,

1896. Believe the Hype, the Joe Gatto Story.

1897. I got a tricycle for Michaela.

1898. Milana.

1899. My own helicopter, they're flying in.

1900. She's gonna get rid of that tapeworm.

1901. Oh, you've had that for years.

1902. Bye-bye, Charlie.

1903. Everything I ever wanted as a full-blown hype man,

1904. delivered on a silver platter.

1905. Well, what did you say to her?

1906. I said no.

1907. - Oh, thank God. - Whoo!

1908. She said, "What are you doing?"

1909. I said, "I'm forever their boy."

1910. Yeah!

1911. I straight up told her, "No, no."

1912. You know what?

1913. It's time to go back to Staten Island.

1914. Yes, it is.

1915. Let me just go gas up Grandma Lucia.

1916. - We'll hit the road. - Hold on, fellas.

1917. Abdul texted me tickets to go on her private plane.

1918. - Whoa! - Right?

1919. - That's awesome. - Wait, wait, wait.

1920. She sent three tickets.

1921. Come on.

1922. - Is she kidding me? - And it goes on.

1923. This is on purpose, right? Does she watch the show?

1924. - Oh, that's crazy. - Well, there's four of us.

1925. - That's an issue. - Yeah.

1926. How are we gonna decide who gets to go on the plane?

1927. - I think it's been decided. - Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

1928. What do you mean?

1929. Did you not watch the movie?

1930. - That's for real? Like... - Yes!

1931. Yes, yes, our show is real.

1932. That's for real?

1933. You think you have a shot at her private...

1934. Don't worry, we'll...

1935. and the stars above

1936. Even if he promised me the world

1937. Just remember I'm forever your girl

1938. Is that it? That's her plane?

1939. My God, that is beyond living.

1940. - That's a jet. - Yeah.

1941. All right, all right!

1942. So I really can't fly in the jet?

1943. - Rooty toot, toot. Hello. - Come on.

1944. What about if I drive Grandma Lucia home?

1945. Grandma Lucia is already halfway back to Staten Island, buddy.

1946. We're in this. You're on that.

1947. Oh, God.

1948. See you in Staten Island.

1949. - Welcome. - Thank you.

1950. Wait. "On"?

1951. All right, huh?

1952. - Ah, yeah. - Cheers.

1953. Cheers.

1954. Yes! Private plane, Abdul, no Murray, guys.

1955. This is crazy, man.

1956. How do you think he's doing?

1957. Are you kidding me?

1958. You all can suck it!

1959. Oh, my God!