1. I want something that says,
"I'm sorry he's dead...Copy !req
2. "but not that sorry.Copy !req
3. "He was just a dog and you shouldn't
have loved him more than me."Copy !req
4. Can you do me a bunch that says that?Copy !req
5. Rachel, darling,
tell your father he can't wear that suit.Copy !req
6. He looks nice.Copy !req
7. - You look nice.
- Thank you, poppet.Copy !req
8. Seen better-dressed crab.Copy !req
9. I have a question.Copy !req
10. Oh, God, will somebody please put
a gag on my daughter?Copy !req
11. Why is the alphabet in that order?Copy !req
12. Nobody knows, nobody cares. So, for once
in your little life, would you just...Copy !req
13. What do you think?Copy !req
14. - Holy wow.
- Oh, darling.Copy !req
15. You look like a meringue.Copy !req
16. Good.Copy !req
17. - You're late.
- Balls.Copy !req
18. - What's the job?
- Wedding.Copy !req
19. - You always pull.
- One of us has to.Copy !req
20. - Nice couple?
- Haven't met them.Copy !req
21. - All about the mother.
- Isn't it always?Copy !req
22. - Come out with me afterwards.
- Sure.Copy !req
23. - You will?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
24. - Oh, cool. Well, we'll go together.
- I'll meet you there.Copy !req
25. - You're not coming.
- My favorite advert's on TV.Copy !req
26. - You need a love life.
- I have a "like" life. It suits me fine.Copy !req
27. No, I feel good, actually, bizarrely good.Copy !req
28. Yeah, yeah, no nerves at all.
None whatsoever. Thanks.Copy !req
29. - Thank you very much. Thank you.
- Hi.Copy !req
30. - Hi.
- You're Hector, right, the groom?Copy !req
31. Yeah, yeah, I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Call me Heck.Copy !req
32. - Well, I did your flowers.
- Oh, did you?Copy !req
33. Oh, well, they're fabulous.
Aren't they, Coop?Copy !req
34. Fabulous, yeah. Although, I wouldn't know
a nice flower from a poke in the eye.Copy !req
35. But they're fabulous, aren't they, Coop?Copy !req
36. So, Ned, how long
have you guys been married, then?Copy !req
37. Thirty years.Copy !req
38. If I'd killed her when I first thought
about it, I'd be out by now.Copy !req
39. A free man.Copy !req
40. I remember all the way to the church
I just wanted to shout...Copy !req
41. "Stop the car! This is a horrible mistake."Copy !req
42. But you can't, can you?Copy !req
43. So, you just sit there, say nothing...Copy !req
44. as the wheels keep turning,
leading you on to the longest sentence—Copy !req
45. Stop the car! I forgot to pee.Copy !req
46. All right, panic over.Copy !req
47. They're here now.Copy !req
48. - Good luck, chum.
- All right, Tessa? You all right?Copy !req
49. - Hi, Heck.
- Hi, babe.Copy !req
50. You want some help with this thing?Copy !req
51. Yes.Copy !req
52. I do work out, yes.Copy !req
53. - Don't have a six-pack.
- No?Copy !req
54. - No, 12-pack on this puppy.
- I don't really like men with muscles.Copy !req
55. The bonus is, though, I'm very...
I'm very sensitive, too.Copy !req
56. Heck, I've got a question.Copy !req
57. Not now.Copy !req
58. What's the question, H?Copy !req
59. What happens when an unstoppable force
meets a immovable object?Copy !req
60. I haven't got a bastard clue, I'm afraid.Copy !req
61. There you are, you see.
Now we can let him get married in peace.Copy !req
62. It never happens.
If there's a thing that can't be stopped...Copy !req
63. it's not possible for there to be something
else which can't be moved, and vice versa.Copy !req
64. They can't both exist.
You see, it's a trick question...Copy !req
65. is the answer.Copy !req
66. Can she sit with me?Copy !req
67. - So what am I doing here?
- When do fish sleep?Copy !req
68. - She's coming round, is she?
- She is coming.Copy !req
69. Of course she is.Copy !req
70. Yep.Copy !req
71. When? When's she coming?Copy !req
72. - What's your name, anyway?
- Everyone calls me "H."Copy !req
73. They tell me it's short for Henrietta,
but it's not.Copy !req
74. It's short for Jesus "H" Christ.Copy !req
75. That's what my mummy said when she
found out she was pregnant with me.Copy !req
76. Isn't Heck handsome?Copy !req
77. - I fancy that flower girl.
- Yeah, yeah, I know you do.Copy !req
78. She likes me, right?
I got a vibe that she likes me.Copy !req
79. Coop, it's my wedding day.
Can we talk about me?Copy !req
80. Sure, yes.Copy !req
81. Did you get the vibe
that she likes me?Copy !req
82. Right, last one to the altar's a sissy.Copy !req
83. - Well, this is it.
- Wish me luck.Copy !req
84. Wish you luck?Copy !req
85. It's a wedding.
Bridesmaids always blow weddings.Copy !req
86. - Wish me luck.
- Good luck.Copy !req
87. She's here.Copy !req
88. Okay, you're sorted.
I'm gonna set up the reception.Copy !req
89. Excuse me.Copy !req
90. - All good?
- Always.Copy !req
91. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
in the sight of God...Copy !req
92. and in the face of this congregation...Copy !req
93. - You look beautiful.
- to join together this man...Copy !req
94. and this woman in holy matrimony.Copy !req
95. Congratulations!Copy !req
96. Please keep your arms by your side.
It's like dancing with a gibbon.Copy !req
97. Nothing.Copy !req
98. Nothing.Copy !req
99. Over here!Copy !req
100. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
101. - We haven't met. I'm Luce.
- Rachel.Copy !req
102. - I did your flowers.
- You did? My flowers are nice.Copy !req
103. Anyway, I was just gonna get...Copy !req
104. a drink.Copy !req
105. I wouldn't.Copy !req
106. What, is there something wrong?
I'm here to help.Copy !req
107. My ring. I was getting some
of this punch crap and—Copy !req
108. - Your wedding ring?
- It fell off.Copy !req
109. Off and in there.
My wedding ring is in there.Copy !req
110. - And you tried the ladle?
- Nothing.Copy !req
111. - And you can't empty...
- No.Copy !req
112. No, it's too big.Copy !req
113. - Right. Only one thing to do. Cover me.
- What?Copy !req
114. Use the dress. I'm going in.Copy !req
115. You can't just... Oh, yes, really, you can.Copy !req
116. Hi.Copy !req
117. They say white's the color of virgins.Copy !req
118. If I know Hector, the only thing virgin
round here is the olive oil.Copy !req
119. The old jokes really are the best,
aren't they?Copy !req
120. I'm Rob. Hector works underneath me,
but not in the biblical sense.Copy !req
121. You're just like he described.Copy !req
122. Now, I need booze.
I've just met a cracking filly...Copy !req
123. thought I'd grease the passage,
so to speak.Copy !req
124. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
125. - This is Luce. She's a florist.
- Name's Rob.Copy !req
126. - But you can call me anything you'd like.
- And I'm sure I will.Copy !req
127. Mac, can you do me a favor and give me
something that's soft and smooth, yeah?Copy !req
128. Hey, H, H. Why don't you go visit with
your friends, they all miss you.Copy !req
129. Okay.Copy !req
130. Our turn for this dance, I think.Copy !req
131. - We fit nice, don't we, together?
- Yes.Copy !req
132. Let me just come... Oh, that's...Copy !req
133. - You okay?
- Yep. Bit tight there, Coop.Copy !req
134. I lost my virginity to this song.Copy !req
135. I love dancing with you.Copy !req
136. Hello, everybody.Copy !req
137. Is this... Is this thing... Is this thing on?Copy !req
138. Cooper, there you are.Copy !req
139. Get this berk off the microphone
and make a proper speech.Copy !req
140. Unaccustomed...Copy !req
141. - What are you doing?
- as I am, to public speaking.Copy !req
142. problem now.Copy !req
143. Anyway, these guys are in love...Copy !req
144. and I think that that's boring.Copy !req
145. They've been in love for years, years!Copy !req
146. Years that have seen endless amounts
of drugs consumed...Copy !req
147. and meaningless sex
thoroughly enjoyed by me!Copy !req
148. They just stayed at home, as they do.Copy !req
149. They've been like a married couple
for so many years...Copy !req
150. it's a relief that they're finally married.Copy !req
151. So, before I do my duty as best man
and shag a bridesmaid...Copy !req
152. you know who you are...Copy !req
153. I would like to raise a glass
to Rachel and Hector.Copy !req
154. May they grow old together
sharing the same pillow.Copy !req
155. Rachel and Hector.Copy !req
156. Rachel and Hector.Copy !req
157. Oh, and, now, this is a very big deal.Copy !req
158. Some say the reason it's taken him
this long to get married is his fear...Copy !req
159. of making just this speech,
but he's making it now!Copy !req
160. He's not sure he can do it,
I know he can do it.Copy !req
161. Please put it together repeatedly,
here's Hecky!Copy !req
162. I know something that helps, Hector.
Imagine everybody naked.Copy !req
163. Hi, everyone. I'm Heck...Copy !req
164. and welcome to my wedding.Copy !req
165. So, I'm glad you're all here
looking at me because...Copy !req
166. 'cause I want to tell you
how much I love Rachel.Copy !req
167. What an amazing, wonderful,
uniquely fantastic person she is.Copy !req
168. - Do you want to keep going?
- No, no, I think you're doing great.Copy !req
169. Okay, so this is me now.Copy !req
170. I've been looking forward
to this day all my life.Copy !req
171. And I'm glad to share it
with so many people I love...Copy !req
172. and a few people I've never met before.Copy !req
173. But I'm sure you're all great, too.Copy !req
174. I feel like I've known Heck all my life.
And I know I'll know him for the rest of it.Copy !req
175. He's my best friend.Copy !req
176. They say fairytales have happy endings,
even though the passage can be rough.Copy !req
177. But Heck and I were mates
and then lovers.Copy !req
178. And it's been smooth all the way.Copy !req
179. Maybe that's a better kind of fairytale.Copy !req
180. - Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear!Copy !req
181. Sort of, toast-schmoast won't do all that.Copy !req
182. But if you could all just wish us luck,
Heck and I would appreciate it very much.Copy !req
183. All ready?Copy !req
184. One, two, three.Copy !req
185. Good luck!Copy !req
186. - Hello.
- Hi.Copy !req
187. You gotta help me. I need a flower.
Just one. A good one. The best.Copy !req
188. - Okay.
- This is my last chance.Copy !req
189. - My last-chance flower.
- Your last chance?Copy !req
190. I really twatted up.Copy !req
191. Only the right flower can save me.
What about a rose?Copy !req
192. - A red rose, what would that say?
- Love.Copy !req
193. - Love's nice, that works.
- And fidelity.Copy !req
194. - Not a red rose, then.
- No.Copy !req
195. Not a rose at all. It's too obvious.Copy !req
196. If this really is your last chance, we need
to find you something spectacular.Copy !req
197. - Be right with you.
- That's fine.Copy !req
198. - Hi.
- Hey.Copy !req
199. - How you doing?
- Good.Copy !req
200. Great. I just...Copy !req
201. See what's out here.Copy !req
202. - Came by to say thanks.
- It was a total pleasure.Copy !req
203. - Listen, sorry, I'm just dealing with—
- Oh, God, of course. Go right ahead.Copy !req
204. What's your favorite flower?Copy !req
205. I don't know. I think I like lilies.Copy !req
206. They're wrong.Copy !req
207. - How about this? Bird of paradise.
- Keep talking.Copy !req
208. Real name's Strelitzia,
named after Charlotte of Strelitz.Copy !req
209. She married King George Ill, had 15 kids.
They never spent more than an hour apart.Copy !req
210. - Okay, stop talking.
- He actually—Copy !req
211. - Do you want to come to dinner?
- Sorry?Copy !req
212. Dinner with us, Heck and me.Copy !req
213. - I mean, you don't—
- I'd love to.Copy !req
214. - Really? This Friday?
- Yeah, Friday. Why not?Copy !req
215. Great, I'll just write down the...Copy !req
216. Perfect.Copy !req
217. This is the one. My last-chance flower.Copy !req
218. - Wish me luck.
- Good luck.Copy !req
219. Next item, lot 48,
the 1930s American oak mantle clock.Copy !req
220. Here at £48. At £48.Copy !req
221. £50. Thank you. Lady bid £50.
Lady bid £50.Copy !req
222. Okay, baby, now you got to glare,
give out the red eye.Copy !req
223. I'd do it, it's just that you're
a lot more frightening.Copy !req
224. No, I'm not.Copy !req
225. - Who am I glaring at?
- Anyone who wants that sofa.Copy !req
226. - They can't have it, it's mine.
- Ours.Copy !req
227. - Ours?
- If it's under the limit, £200.Copy !req
228. - I don't see how we need a limit.
- I like limits, otherwise, you'll go mad.Copy !req
229. Damn right I will. That thing is mine.Copy !req
230. Ours.Copy !req
231. Do you think
they'll have a limit?Copy !req
232. £75. £75...Copy !req
233. I invited someone to dinner, Friday.
That florist, Luce.Copy !req
234. - Lucy, whatever.
- Oh, great, I'll cook.Copy !req
235. Please don't.Copy !req
236. - Moving right along. Lot 49.
- Okay, baby, this is us.Copy !req
237. The very attractive leather sofa, there.Copy !req
238. Brown leather chesterfield,
brass stud decoration...Copy !req
239. in slightly distressed condition at £90.Copy !req
240. I asked because... And this is my plan.Copy !req
241. - Oh, no.
- I thought we'd get Coop along.Copy !req
242. Great idea. Excellent. But what would be
better is if we didn't do that.Copy !req
243. £90. Do I hear £90?Copy !req
244. Not from us. Come in late.
Psych them on the way out.Copy !req
245. I think they'd be perfect for each other.
Don't you think they'd be perfect?Copy !req
246. £100, £100. £110, thank you.Copy !req
247. Red eye, baby. Still the red eye. Who?Copy !req
248. Luce and Coop. I think they'd be perfect.Copy !req
249. £120. £130, thank you.Copy !req
250. He did say that he was onto a
promise at the wedding before she bailed.Copy !req
251. There you go. It's totally on.Copy !req
252. - £150 at the back.
- Okay.Copy !req
253. It's funny.Copy !req
254. I went round to say thank you
for what she did at our wedding.Copy !req
255. Not yet.Copy !req
256. You know when you've just met someone
but straight away...Copy !req
257. you feel as if they're going
to be your friend?Copy !req
258. - £170, £180.
- Nearly there.Copy !req
259. Who knows why? Past life, physiognomy.Copy !req
260. £190.Copy !req
261. But for some reason, you just kind of click.Copy !req
262. Here we go.Copy !req
263. £210? £210.Copy !req
264. - £210.
- Bollocks.Copy !req
265. I don't know what I'm saying.
But do you know what I mean?Copy !req
266. Are we there at £210, all done at £210?Copy !req
267. Baby, we lost it. The sofa.Copy !req
268. - What?
- Over our limit.Copy !req
269. £400!Copy !req
270. £400?Copy !req
271. - What are you doing?
- I live here. What are you doing?Copy !req
272. Came to tidy.Copy !req
273. You should be dressed, Mum.Copy !req
274. Well, I was.
I'm just settling in for the evening.Copy !req
275. It's 5:00.
You said you were going out later.Copy !req
276. No, you said I was going out later.Copy !req
277. - Have you finished work already?
- I'm busy tonight.Copy !req
278. What, a date?
Does my daughter have a date?Copy !req
279. No. But you could have.Copy !req
280. "Tea dances, reading groups,
bridge clubs."Copy !req
281. Tragic attempts
by lonely old coffin dodgers...Copy !req
282. to meet someone before they give up
and peg out.Copy !req
283. Everybody looking for love.Copy !req
284. Well, they won't find it,
and they certainly won't get sex.Copy !req
285. All those men are so old,
it'd be like playing snooker with a rope.Copy !req
286. You know, those people are sad.Copy !req
287. - You're sad.
- No.Copy !req
288. I'm depressed. There's a difference.Copy !req
289. I wish you'd get a life.Copy !req
290. I wish you would.Copy !req
291. Yes, I know you do.Copy !req
292. Toby, I'm telling you, that's the number.
You've gotta believe me.Copy !req
293. Oh, come on, Toby, don't be like that.
We're friends. Aren't we friends?Copy !req
294. Well, I like you. Look,
would you believe it if Heck told you?Copy !req
295. You would? Thank you very much.Copy !req
296. Hey, Toby.Copy !req
297. Yeah, I know.
Weird, but believe him, okay?Copy !req
298. Okay. Speak to you soon.Copy !req
299. All good.Copy !req
300. - You see, the truth never fails.
- Yeah, except we were lying.Copy !req
301. Hmm.Copy !req
302. Sorry I'm late, beautiful person.Copy !req
303. - You look spectacular.
- How was work?Copy !req
304. Shite. Quitting.Copy !req
305. You always say that.Copy !req
306. Just watch me. One day, I'll do it.Copy !req
307. Tell them I don't like them or their cash.
Although I do like their cash.Copy !req
308. Whatever. I'll think of something
and then walk out.Copy !req
309. I'll be waiting with champagne.Copy !req
310. How much do I wish it was just us tonight.Copy !req
311. He'll definitely be into her, right?Copy !req
312. - Coop? He'll fancy Luce?
- She's got a pulse, hasn't she?Copy !req
313. No, but, I mean... You do. You would?Copy !req
314. Well, she's not really my bag of chips,
darling, but, yeah, I suppose.Copy !req
315. - Oh, what do you think?
- Of her? I haven't really—Copy !req
316. Oh, no, no. The shirt?Copy !req
317. Oh, uh...Copy !req
318. - It's gorgeous. You're gorgeous.
- Yeah?Copy !req
319. Want to fool around?Copy !req
320. Saved by the bell.
But you're in a lot of trouble later.Copy !req
321. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
322. - Come in. You look fab.
- Thank you.Copy !req
323. - Guess what I brought?
- Oh, bless you. Rachel'll flip.Copy !req
324. - Sweetheart.
- Here I am.Copy !req
325. - Hey.
- Hi.Copy !req
326. - So, come check out our new sofa.
- Our expensive new sofa.Copy !req
327. - You can't put a price on comfort.
- You see, a woman after my own heart.Copy !req
328. Listen, do you believe in reincarnation?Copy !req
329. It's just that Rach thought
you guys had met before.Copy !req
330. - That's not quite what I—
- I'd have remembered, I think.Copy !req
331. Well, let's hang these flowers
and get that jacket in some water.Copy !req
332. - I'll do it.
- Ta.Copy !req
333. - Thanks.
- Thank you, darling.Copy !req
334. Well, so, basically,
the book I've wanted to write is...Copy !req
335. a guide to wherever is the coolest place
on the planet at the time.Copy !req
336. If it's February, it's the Rio Carnival.Copy !req
337. And if it's, I don't know, May,
it's bulls in Pamplona.Copy !req
338. So, if you...Copy !req
339. want a holiday/party, then,
you know, you open the book...Copy !req
340. and there's me telling you where to go.Copy !req
341. 'Cause you've been there.Copy !req
342. Yeah, that was the plan, but, you know...Copy !req
343. Rach, life, work.Copy !req
344. - Rach.
- Some day.Copy !req
345. Yeah. Yeah, maybe.Copy !req
346. Anyway, how about you? Married?Copy !req
347. Ever been married,
ever gonna be married?Copy !req
348. No. No.
Maybe now the laws have changed.Copy !req
349. - How do you mean?
- Well, I'm gay.Copy !req
350. Mmm.Copy !req
351. Lovely. Well done.Copy !req
352. - That'll be Cooper.
- Cooper's coming.Copy !req
353. Yeah.Copy !req
354. Mmm.Copy !req
355. Heck?Copy !req
356. - This is absolutely revolting.
- You think so?Copy !req
357. It is, sweetheart. It's atrocious.Copy !req
358. Anyway, more importantly, listen.
It's been three weeks now.Copy !req
359. Let's have it.
How much better is sex after marriage?Copy !req
360. - Please.
- Because, when I've had sex...Copy !req
361. with people after they were married,
they have said that it's fantastic.Copy !req
362. - Rach?
- Get wed and find out yourself.Copy !req
363. Come on, Cooper couldn't make
that commitment.Copy !req
364. We're talking about two or three years
of his life.Copy !req
365. Well, not a one-person person.Copy !req
366. You really don't think
your other half's out there?Copy !req
367. - Or, you know, in here?
- Actually, Rach—Copy !req
368. What, there's some
gorgeous women around.Copy !req
369. Yes, there are, and I'm trying to
sleep with as many as I can.Copy !req
370. And you never fail, do you?Copy !req
371. You know, they teach the birds
and the bees about me.Copy !req
372. It'll all change when you meet Miss Right.Copy !req
373. And how am I supposed to know
when I do that?Copy !req
374. You don't know, not straight away.
It just feels...Copy !req
375. warm and comfortable...Copy !req
376. and you hang in there and give it a chance,
before you know it, you're like...Copy !req
377. "Yeah, this is it. Must be love."Copy !req
378. - Yeah, I'm with her.
- I'm with her, too. Give me that.Copy !req
379. I don't agree.Copy !req
380. I think you know immediately.
You know, as soon as your eyes...Copy !req
381. Then everything that happens
from then on, just proves...Copy !req
382. that you had been right
in that first moment.Copy !req
383. When you suddenly realized you had
been incomplete and now you are whole.Copy !req
384. - Actually, I'm with her, I'd say.
- I'm with her, too.Copy !req
385. Sorted. So, who's for pudding?Copy !req
386. - Yes.
- No.Copy !req
387. - No?
- No.Copy !req
388. If you think that, you think that
everyone that doesn't have all that...Copy !req
389. business is settling for less.Copy !req
390. - That's not what I'm saying.
- That kind of is what you're saying.Copy !req
391. I think she said it a bit nicer.Copy !req
392. Trifle?Copy !req
393. You look tired, chief.
You have a good day at work?Copy !req
394. - Shite. I'm quitting.
- Did you check out flower girl back there?Copy !req
395. Made that speech for me.Copy !req
396. Later on tonight,
we're gonna fall madly in bed.Copy !req
397. - Oh, it's going well for you guys?
- It's going very well.Copy !req
398. She's a lesbian.Copy !req
399. Is that right? Cool.Copy !req
400. You don't think that slightly impedes
your plans for seduction?Copy !req
401. Anyone can change teams.Copy !req
402. Not anyone. I wouldn't...
'Cause, you know... But anyone, I mean...Copy !req
403. What are you doing?Copy !req
404. - It's gorgeous.
- It's raining.Copy !req
405. Heck won't come up here.Copy !req
406. They say it's subconscious fear
you'll throw yourself off...Copy !req
407. but he freaks when I go near the edge, too.Copy !req
408. Sorry about dinner.Copy !req
409. I've eaten worse.Copy !req
410. - Kind of went off.
- You didn't go off.Copy !req
411. You went a little way off.Copy !req
412. - You're wet.
- I'm fine.Copy !req
413. - And you're cold.
- I'm fine!Copy !req
414. - You can have it. Really, you can have it.
- I'm so fine.Copy !req
415. - It's fine. Well—
- Okay, now you're cold.Copy !req
416. Hey, what are you guys up to?Copy !req
417. Nothing.Copy !req
418. Well, Coop wants to play
strip poker or strip Cooper...Copy !req
419. and I really want him to go home.Copy !req
420. - Good night.
- See you soon.Copy !req
421. - Two.
- Thanks for dinner.Copy !req
422. Bye.Copy !req
423. Cheers, Coop.Copy !req
424. - Next left.
- It's one option, yes.Copy !req
425. How about instead, we just go
straight back to my place?Copy !req
426. Coop, take the next left.Copy !req
427. - You all right, Luce?
- Why, 'cause I don't want to shag you?Copy !req
428. You're welcome not to shag me,
just don't sit in my car all bored like that.Copy !req
429. I'm sorry.Copy !req
430. Really.Copy !req
431. You've got something on your mind,
that's obvious.Copy !req
432. You know what you should do?
You should share with me.Copy !req
433. Because beneath this rugged exterior...Copy !req
434. there beats a sensitive soul.Copy !req
435. - No, there doesn't.
- No, there doesn't, but tell me anyway.Copy !req
436. Bet it's a girl thing, no, right?
I mean, it's got to be.Copy !req
437. It's a hot and horny scene.
It's you and another vagetarian.Copy !req
438. Come on. Tell Uncle Cooper all about it.
Spare me no detail.Copy !req
439. Have you ever met someone and just...Copy !req
440. - But there was someone else already?
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
441. Hot ones are always taken.Copy !req
442. - So, what do you do?
- What do I do?Copy !req
443. I shag them.Copy !req
444. Partner is their problem, it's not mine.Copy !req
445. Yeah, I think you don't mess
with other couples.Copy !req
446. Don't cause that pain, ever.Copy !req
447. You just face facts that it can't happen...Copy !req
448. walk away.
Hook up with someone available instead.Copy !req
449. Well, your place or mine? Come on, let's...
I'm so good in bed.Copy !req
450. So, you promise me the whole
matchmaking thing is over, right?Copy !req
451. Last night was a big success.
They left together.Copy !req
452. That distant sound you hear
is wedding bells.Copy !req
453. What, you didn't twig?Copy !req
454. - Oh, damn, you are so uncool.
- What? Twig what?Copy !req
455. Well, the thing you didn't know about
Luce is the fact that she's... right here.Copy !req
456. - Hey, hey.
- Hey, hi!Copy !req
457. - Hello.
- Hi.Copy !req
458. Weirdest thing,
we were just talking about you.Copy !req
459. Oh, all nice, I hope.Copy !req
460. - Oh, sorry. Heck, this is Edie.
- Edie.Copy !req
461. - Heck.
- And Rachel.Copy !req
462. - Rachel.
- Edie.Copy !req
463. - Luce?
- Good.Copy !req
464. - So, Saturday shopping?
- Is right.Copy !req
465. Great.Copy !req
466. Enjoy it. And listen, thanks for dinner.
We should definitely—Copy !req
467. - Definitely.
- We will.Copy !req
468. - Okay. Well, have a nice rest of shop.
- You, too.Copy !req
469. So, are you going out tonight,
'cause I was thinking—Copy !req
470. Whoa, pussycat.
What the hell was going on there?Copy !req
471. That's what I'm trying to tell you.
Luce is gay.Copy !req
472. - She's gay.
- As a tennis player.Copy !req
473. Hey, you reckon that's the girlfriend?Copy !req
474. She's not just heterosexual.
She's, like, Barbie heterosexual.Copy !req
475. Oh, hey. How you doing?Copy !req
476. We were just talking about you this time.Copy !req
477. - Baby, we'll be late for kickoff.
- Oh, there's hours yet.Copy !req
478. Sport thing, football team.Copy !req
479. - Oh, how darling. Isn't that darling?
- Good, well, I hope you win.Copy !req
480. - Edie, are you gay?
- Oh, God.Copy !req
481. Am I gay? I'm ecstatic.Copy !req
482. - And are you two—
- No. We're not.Copy !req
483. I tried and I tried, but she loves another.Copy !req
484. So, I... I'll call you.Copy !req
485. - Do, 'cause we should definitely—
- Definitely.Copy !req
486. - We will.
- We're going that way.Copy !req
487. - Yep. Bye again.
- Bye.Copy !req
488. So, I found out they are not an item.Copy !req
489. Yeah, very tactful. Let's pay.Copy !req
490. Hi.Copy !req
491. - Are you stalking us?
- And why would we do a thing like that?Copy !req
492. - We'll be at this till.
- Waving.Copy !req
493. - We'll wave back.
- And do.Copy !req
494. - Yes.
- Well, we must.Copy !req
495. Definitely.Copy !req
496. You know if there's a travel section, babe?Copy !req
497. I like this jam.Copy !req
498. It's really good jam.Copy !req
499. I should make jam.Copy !req
500. - I could make it, you know.
- 'Course you could.Copy !req
501. - You don't think I could.
- Not for a second.Copy !req
502. Anyway, I was talking to Rob yesterday.Copy !req
503. - That man's an arse.
- That man is an arse.Copy !req
504. But he's got this really sweet girlfriend.Copy !req
505. God knows what she found
to love about him, but she does.Copy !req
506. He cheats on her like a nutter.Copy !req
507. - Oh, come back to bed.
- I'm up now.Copy !req
508. Does she know?Copy !req
509. Well, I'm like,
"If you wanna leave, tell her."Copy !req
510. - You're really up?
- I really am.Copy !req
511. Maybe he doesn't want to leave.Copy !req
512. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants.Copy !req
513. Anyway, he should figure it out
before someone gets hurt.Copy !req
514. Why are you looking at me?Copy !req
515. 'Cause you're a good person.Copy !req
516. You wait till I make jam,
then I'll rock your world.Copy !req
517. What about a bit more color
in there? I've got some lovely lilac.Copy !req
518. Oh, why not?Copy !req
519. They're for my boyfriend.Copy !req
520. - I'm gonna tell him we're having a baby.
- That's great.Copy !req
521. I think so.
He will, too. He definitely will.Copy !req
522. He's a bit of a control freak.Copy !req
523. I'm surprised he doesn't wear
the diaphragm.Copy !req
524. He's...Copy !req
525. He's gonna hate me.Copy !req
526. He's gonna hate me.Copy !req
527. I love him so much.Copy !req
528. Yeah, I'm not surprised.
He sounds wonderful.Copy !req
529. I didn't...Copy !req
530. - I don't know what to do.
- I should...Copy !req
531. If you'll just let me...Copy !req
532. Flowered Up.Copy !req
533. Yes, I can do delivery.Copy !req
534. Right now? No, it's no problem.Copy !req
535. Hi.Copy !req
536. I was told to deliver these to Table 7.Copy !req
537. Oh, certainly. It's through there.Copy !req
538. - Cute, huh?
- Very cute.Copy !req
539. Fuck me if I'm wrong,
but I think you want to kiss me.Copy !req
540. Coop, you and me...Copy !req
541. it's not gonna happen.Copy !req
542. It's not?Copy !req
543. I'll be your friend.Copy !req
544. Well, that'll do...Copy !req
545. for now.Copy !req
546. Really.
My daughter's school presentation.Copy !req
547. You should've let me get T-shirts made.Copy !req
548. It's not really that kind of deal.Copy !req
549. Probably a blessing. Your father
doesn't have the body for them.Copy !req
550. 'Course I'm just speaking from memory.Copy !req
551. - Hi.
- Lucy, darling, what are you doing here?Copy !req
552. I helped H with her...Copy !req
553. - Well, she invited me, so...
- Henrietta's ready to start now.Copy !req
554. This is space.
Space is many light years away.Copy !req
555. Light years are not measured in days
or months, but in kilometers.Copy !req
556. There's a good reason for this,
but I don't quite understand it yet.Copy !req
557. This bit is the Milky Way.Copy !req
558. It's made up of lots of stars
and lots of celestial phenona...Copy !req
559. Phenona... Phenonema.Copy !req
560. One of the best constellations
is Ursa Major...Copy !req
561. which is Latin American for Big Bear.Copy !req
562. It's called that
because one day in the olden times...Copy !req
563. that never really happened...Copy !req
564. a naughty god called Zeus wanted to go to
bed with someone he wasn't married to.Copy !req
565. His wife was about to catch him
and be very cross...Copy !req
566. so Zeus turned his girlfriend into a bear.Copy !req
567. But Mrs. Zeus...Copy !req
568. And that's everything
you need to know about space.Copy !req
569. - So good.
- Very good.Copy !req
570. You have to go, right?Copy !req
571. But I don't. I'm okay.Copy !req
572. Luce, I...Copy !req
573. I think that we should talk
about something that...Copy !req
574. - It's just, I don't know. When I'm with—
- Yeah, I do have to go.Copy !req
575. Actually, I've just realized
I've got a delivery.Copy !req
576. Oh, yeah, right.Copy !req
577. You go.Copy !req
578. Yeah.Copy !req
579. Listen to this.Copy !req
580. "In her acceptance speech,
the distinguished scientist...Copy !req
581. "paid tribute to her husband,
Dr. Chris Davis." Spelled wrong.Copy !req
582. "Tomorrow the pair celebrate
their 42nd wedding anniversary...Copy !req
583. "after eloping together
on the day they met.Copy !req
584. "When asked how they could possibly
have known it would all work out...Copy !req
585. "Professor Harrison... Professor...Copy !req
586. "replied in true scientific fashion...Copy !req
587. "'You don't know. You can never be sure.
But you take the plunge anyway.Copy !req
588. "'Sure is for people
who don't love enough.'"Copy !req
589. Aw.Copy !req
590. - Do you guys believe in love at first sight?
- Well, it saves time.Copy !req
591. No. Really, that you could meet
someone, or just...Copy !req
592. across a room...Copy !req
593. and with that one glance you could
look in their eyes and see their soul.Copy !req
594. Do you believe that could happen?Copy !req
595. - No.
- Absolutely not.Copy !req
596. No. Me, neither.Copy !req
597. These are due back Thursday.Copy !req
598. If we're closed,
just pop them through the door. Enjoy.Copy !req
599. - Thanks a lot.
- Thanks.Copy !req
600. Hi. These, please.Copy !req
601. And this as well.Copy !req
602. It's just... It's for research.Copy !req
603. Call it what you want, darling.Copy !req
604. - It's actually out.
- Oh, that's okay.Copy !req
605. - It doesn't matter—
- Although, it's due back.Copy !req
606. - I'll give them a call.
- Oh, no, honestly—Copy !req
607. Babe, trust me. This one you wanna see.Copy !req
608. Hello, Cas?
Yeah, it's Terri from the vid shop.Copy !req
609. Thought it was you.Copy !req
610. - Mum.
- I was just dropping by...Copy !req
611. with the wedding snaps.Copy !req
612. Though, I tell you,
that photographer should be sacked.Copy !req
613. He made me look like a thug.
A thug in lilac.Copy !req
614. - Anything good?
- No, no.Copy !req
615. There's a lady here needs your copy
of Georgie's Bush.Copy !req
616. - Georgie's Bush?
- It's for research.Copy !req
617. It's for Heck.Copy !req
618. He's very interested in American politics.Copy !req
619. She's bringing it round.Copy !req
620. Well, I call that very sexy.Copy !req
621. Hmm?Copy !req
622. Wouldn't kick him out of bed
for eating crackers, would you?Copy !req
623. Whoa.Copy !req
624. - Oh, Georgie! Oh!
- Call me Mrs. President.Copy !req
625. Babe, are you home?Copy !req
626. "You have won a share of £1 million."Copy !req
627. Excellent.Copy !req
628. - Oh, you are home.
- Hi.Copy !req
629. Oh, God. Am I glad to see you.Copy !req
630. The morning I've had.
I just had to get away, you know?Copy !req
631. - Shall I burn some lunch?
- Please.Copy !req
632. Hey, you got some vids.Copy !req
633. - Yeah, don't bother looking. I just got—
- This one's great.Copy !req
634. This one's pants, but whatever.Copy !req
635. And here's one I haven't seen before.Copy !req
636. Which, are you...Copy !req
637. They gave me the wrong one. That...
Oh, my God! That...Copy !req
638. The woman at the video store.Copy !req
639. - I'll take it back.
- Yeah, take it back. That's excellent, yeah.Copy !req
640. I mean, what, it's porn, right?
It's degrading.Copy !req
641. - It's offensive.
- God, yes.Copy !req
642. Yeah. Let's watch it anyway.Copy !req
643. Come on, Rach, I mean,
things have been getting...Copy !req
644. a bit slack in that department recently.Copy !req
645. - I know it's my fault and it's... Yeah.
- No, it's mine. I...Copy !req
646. But I don't wanna watch this.Copy !req
647. - Why?
- It doesn't turn me on.Copy !req
648. Makes one of us.Copy !req
649. I love the smell of hot dog in the evening.Copy !req
650. Smells like...Copy !req
651. - hot dog.
- Yeah.Copy !req
652. The thing is, Ned,
what I wanted to ask was—Copy !req
653. - Two, please.
- I was just wondering if it was a bit...Copy !req
654. odd for you guys,
you know, after you got married?Copy !req
655. If the interplay between you two...Copy !req
656. got a bit...Copy !req
657. - clutchy?
- Do you want onions?Copy !req
658. No, thanks.Copy !req
659. - Because what I'm finding—
- Mustard? Ketchup?Copy !req
660. - I can recommend both.
- No, I'm trying to talk to you here.Copy !req
661. - Oh? What about, dear boy?
- Well, it's just... I'm just... Well...Copy !req
662. I'm finding it a bit tricky at the moment
with Rachel—Copy !req
663. Oh, God, you mustn't discuss her with me.
Never do that.Copy !req
664. - Sorry?
- Well, that's our problem, you see.Copy !req
665. Two of us,
we can be most pleasant to each other...Copy !req
666. talk of sport or weather
till our throats hurt.Copy !req
667. - Yeah, yeah.
- Never mention Rachel.Copy !req
668. As soon as you do,
the only concrete thought...Copy !req
669. running through my mind is...Copy !req
670. that hound is putting it up my daughter.Copy !req
671. Rach.Copy !req
672. Darling, I don't know
what to do about your father.Copy !req
673. He's never been
the last of the red hot lovers...Copy !req
674. but, recently, it's got to the point
where he's jealous of stiff wind.Copy !req
675. Hey, you guys.Copy !req
676. - Thank God you're here.
- You have no idea.Copy !req
677. Good. Got you both.Copy !req
678. Now, how are my grandchildren
coming along?Copy !req
679. Could you get me away from her, please?Copy !req
680. Just hinting, darling.Copy !req
681. One wants to have them while
one's still young enough to pick them up.Copy !req
682. You know, what I do with your parents
is remind myself...Copy !req
683. that if it wasn't for them,
I wouldn't have you.Copy !req
684. What's up, baby?Copy !req
685. Let's go home.Copy !req
686. Now, remember,
try not to look like you're my child, okay?Copy !req
687. Because it puts men off.Copy !req
688. But keep your eyes peeled,
and if you spot anyone, you think...Copy !req
689. - you know, "Well, he looks nice—"
- Hi.Copy !req
690. - Luce!
- Hey, hey.Copy !req
691. - How you doing?
- This is my friend, Beth. She's on her own.Copy !req
692. Now you've found a friend, can I go home?Copy !req
693. No.Copy !req
694. - Trying to find her a man.
- There aren't any.Copy !req
695. Trust me, I've looked. Oh, careful.Copy !req
696. - Sorry, Mrs...
- Don't call me "Mrs."Copy !req
697. Hello.Copy !req
698. All right?Copy !req
699. Brilliant.Copy !req
700. You've got a boyfriend
You've got a boyfriendCopy !req
701. No, I haven't. Not yet.Copy !req
702. I can't wait till you get a boyfriend.Copy !req
703. - You probably can, actually.
- You could even get a husband.Copy !req
704. You're old enough. Find one like Heck.Copy !req
705. H, I should explain something to you.Copy !req
706. I do believe I will be with one person
for the rest of my life...Copy !req
707. but that person will be a woman.Copy !req
708. I understand.Copy !req
709. You do?Copy !req
710. My best friend is Natalie Curtis.Copy !req
711. I'd rather spend the rest of my life
with her than any boy.Copy !req
712. There you go.Copy !req
713. It doesn't mean
that you're a lesbian or anything.Copy !req
714. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
715. - I'll put the kettle on, babe.
- I'll have a beer instead.Copy !req
716. Really?Copy !req
717. - I was gonna offer, but...
- But what?Copy !req
718. Rach, are you pregnant?Copy !req
719. No. No, I'm not, no.Copy !req
720. I just thought
it might explain your recent...Copy !req
721. Whatever. Nothing.Copy !req
722. Unless...Copy !req
723. Unless what?Copy !req
724. Mmm.Copy !req
725. Do you want to get pregnant?Copy !req
726. You and my mum.Copy !req
727. Listen, I know we said
we were going to wait...Copy !req
728. but until what,
you know, we're even more settled?Copy !req
729. Come on, what do you think?Copy !req
730. I got to take it.Copy !req
731. Rob, hey, what's up?Copy !req
732. No, I've a minute.Copy !req
733. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're in my briefcase, hang on.Copy !req
734. Hello.Copy !req
735. Hello.Copy !req
736. Hey, gorgeous.Copy !req
737. That was Rob.
Look, I'm really sorry about this but...Copy !req
738. No, of course you should still go.Copy !req
739. You know, I wouldn't put you through
my evening for all the coke in Colombia.Copy !req
740. You know, it'll be the usual bollocks,
everyone will get pissed.Copy !req
741. I'll get pissed...Copy !req
742. and start singing country and western
songs badly like I always do.Copy !req
743. Hello?Copy !req
744. - Heck, it's Luce.
- Hey, Luce. How's it going?Copy !req
745. It's Luce. What's up?Copy !req
746. Nothing. My phone just rang and—Copy !req
747. Sorry, you busy Tuesday night?Copy !req
748. Do you fancy
escorting my wife somewhere?Copy !req
749. It's just, like, I've got this
wanky work thing which I can't get out of.Copy !req
750. You know, it'll be really great
if you could look after Rach for me.Copy !req
751. Go on, say yes. Go on.Copy !req
752. - Then, yes.
- Brilliant. Brilliant.Copy !req
753. Well, Rach will ring you with the details...Copy !req
754. and be safe.Copy !req
755. You, too.Copy !req
756. You shouldn't have done that.
I hardly know her.Copy !req
757. Yeah, but she's your...Copy !req
758. soul-mate-for-life type thing.
You'll have a belter.Copy !req
759. Beer.Copy !req
760. Does she know where we're going?Copy !req
761. Go on, hound him!
Hound his legs, chop him!Copy !req
762. - Over there!
- On the left side!Copy !req
763. - You know, you're kind of shrill.
- What?Copy !req
764. When you shout.Copy !req
765. You want them to hear your abuse better,
you've got to project it.Copy !req
766. - Teach me.
- Okay.Copy !req
767. First off, tighten your stomach muscles.Copy !req
768. - I don't think I've got any.
- Yeah, you do.Copy !req
769. - You really do. They're right here.
- There?Copy !req
770. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
771. - Tighten.
- Tighten.Copy !req
772. - Tense them.
- They're pretty tense.Copy !req
773. Okay, next, broaden your diaphragm.Copy !req
774. - My what?
- It's here.Copy !req
775. Oh.Copy !req
776. Okay, push it out against my hand.Copy !req
777. You feel my hand?Copy !req
778. Maybe if you put them both there.Copy !req
779. Okay.Copy !req
780. And now, for the big one.Copy !req
781. Imagine the roof of your mouth
is a cathedral.Copy !req
782. - No, you've lost me.
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
783. No, the muscles,
the diaphragm, I'm there, but—Copy !req
784. It's a space thing.Copy !req
785. All right, your mouth is that big
that you have to fill it with sound.Copy !req
786. Deep from inside, filling the space,
then throwing it out.Copy !req
787. Like how?Copy !req
788. Like this.Copy !req
789. You're a wanker,
Number 9!Copy !req
790. - That's not bad, is it?
- No.Copy !req
791. All right, so your turn.
Where do you want to go?Copy !req
792. I don't care where we go.Copy !req
793. Good. I'll decide again.Copy !req
794. Okay.Copy !req
795. I feel like dancing.Copy !req
796. Boom. Hold that thought.Copy !req
797. What? What, you know somewhere
we should go?Copy !req
798. Got an idea.Copy !req
799. Let's begin the dancing.Copy !req
800. Disco, disco, disco.Copy !req
801. Okay, do the dog kick.Copy !req
802. Now we are talking boogie.Copy !req
803. Yeah, that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh.Copy !req
804. I know what I like,
and I am liking what I see.Copy !req
805. You guys rule!Copy !req
806. - All right, more.
- Tell me about the lily.Copy !req
807. - You don't want to know about the lily.
- It's my favorite.Copy !req
808. Ask me about the azalea.Copy !req
809. All right. What about the azalea?Copy !req
810. The azalea means,
"May you achieve financial security."Copy !req
811. - Bah.
- See?Copy !req
812. Lovely. Now, tell me about the lily.Copy !req
813. The lily means...Copy !req
814. The lily means, "I dare you to love me."Copy !req
815. Well, thanks for this evening.Copy !req
816. - Thank you.
- It was my birthday.Copy !req
817. No, today? You should've said.Copy !req
818. - It's mine coming up.
- We're practically twins.Copy !req
819. This is me.Copy !req
820. I...Copy !req
821. Okay, good night.Copy !req
822. Yeah.Copy !req
823. Night.Copy !req
824. Your feet.Copy !req
825. - Are they cold?
- No, stinking.Copy !req
826. Yes, of course, they're cold.Copy !req
827. Come here.Copy !req
828. You fancy coming round mine
tonight, or are you too married?Copy !req
829. Actually, Rach wants to
take me to dinner.Copy !req
830. Just phoned me up
and wants to take me to dinner...Copy !req
831. - which is sweet.
- Very sweet.Copy !req
832. Yeah.Copy !req
833. Blow her off. Come round mine for pizza.Copy !req
834. Really, no, I want you to meet
the Italian girl that delivers it.Copy !req
835. What about that flower girl, Luce?
I thought you had plans there.Copy !req
836. There's another one
that won't let me get it wet.Copy !req
837. She's gay.Copy !req
838. - I'm a cure for lesbianism.
- No, you're a deeply shallow man.Copy !req
839. Yes, I am.Copy !req
840. When's it gonna stop?Copy !req
841. - Never, I hope.
- God bless you.Copy !req
842. Really, though, you know, I'm 29 years old.Copy !req
843. - You're 31.
- Precisely my point. I'm getting older.Copy !req
844. And I see you...Copy !req
845. I see what you've got with...Copy !req
846. I can see that stability.Copy !req
847. And the trust, and permanence.Copy !req
848. And I think...Copy !req
849. "God, I'm glad I'm not you."Copy !req
850. Actually things don't feel
totally 100% stable at the moment.Copy !req
851. You got trouble in paradise?Copy !req
852. No, no, no.Copy !req
853. How could there be?
We only just got married.Copy !req
854. That's all it... All it is, isn't it?Copy !req
855. Millie! Millie, darling.Copy !req
856. I'm sorry I'm late.Copy !req
857. - Coop.
- Don't move.Copy !req
858. - What?
- No, there's just...Copy !req
859. a girl back there that I never called back.
Just stay perfectly still, okay?Copy !req
860. We'll get through this.Copy !req
861. Did you ever, you know...Copy !req
862. cross the street?Copy !req
863. That depends.Copy !req
864. - On what?
- On what the hell you're talking about.Copy !req
865. - Drink after work tonight?
- Dinner with Heck.Copy !req
866. I mean, did you ever...Copy !req
867. fancy, or think you might've briefly
before you realized you didn't...Copy !req
868. - another woman?
- Why?Copy !req
869. I'm trying to find someone for Beth,
and I thought I'd double my chances.Copy !req
870. Already tried it. It didn't happen for me.Copy !req
871. I like men.Copy !req
872. I mean, I hate men, but, you know.Copy !req
873. I always hoped to do a woman
before I died.Copy !req
874. But it's kind of like...Copy !req
875. I want to go to Norway sometime.
Do you know what I mean?Copy !req
876. Probably never gonna happen.Copy !req
877. - So Heck's taking you to dinner?
- I'm taking him.Copy !req
878. How perfect.Copy !req
879. That was fun.Copy !req
880. Wasn't it fun?Copy !req
881. Had a good time.Copy !req
882. - You know, Rach, I think—
- Hey, the heath!Copy !req
883. You remember that night
you took me in the bushes?Copy !req
884. - I never took you in the bushes.
- Sorry, wrong guy.Copy !req
885. I took you up against a tree.Copy !req
886. I can't be dealing with bushes, nettles,
and deadly nightshade.Copy !req
887. - Let's do it.
- What?Copy !req
888. - Let's go. Let's do it now.
- No.Copy !req
889. Rach, no.Copy !req
890. Rach.Copy !req
891. Rach, where are you?Copy !req
892. Come on, darling.Copy !req
893. Rachel!Copy !req
894. I just, I just don't understand
why we have to do this stuff anymore.Copy !req
895. You know, we've got a flat.
It's a good one.Copy !req
896. And I've confiscated your mother's key,
so she can't sneak up on us anymore.Copy !req
897. And I swear that woman's got a sex radar.Copy !req
898. We've got a bed, you know.
Warm, it's welcoming...Copy !req
899. it smells nice, it's a damn sight better
than this arsing place.Copy !req
900. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
901. - Did I scare you?
- No. Nettles everywhere.Copy !req
902. - What are you doing?
- Taking off your clothes.Copy !req
903. Actually, it's one of the great things
about being a man.Copy !req
904. You can do these things
without stripping off.Copy !req
905. Just a zip. Simple zip is all you need.Copy !req
906. Give it a yank,
and you're well away, darling.Copy !req
907. - You gonna talk all through this?
- Did I mention we have a bed?Copy !req
908. - What was that?
- What?Copy !req
909. Nothing. Nothing.Copy !req
910. All right, whoever is behind there...Copy !req
911. come out before we beat
the crap out of you.Copy !req
912. Yeah, damn it.Copy !req
913. Terribly sorry.Copy !req
914. - Sorry.
- Sorry.Copy !req
915. Oh, God.Copy !req
916. - We were trying not to disturb you.
- That's fine, really.Copy !req
917. Disturb us? No. No, you didn't disturb us.Copy !req
918. - We, we... We were just, you know.
- So were we.Copy !req
919. So, you think we were...
No, and we're married.Copy !req
920. And we have a bed.Copy !req
921. - I'm Heck, by the way.
- Michael.Copy !req
922. - How do you do?
- How do you do?Copy !req
923. - Michael, too.
- Oh, really.Copy !req
924. I'm Rachel.Copy !req
925. It was lovely to meet you two chaps.Copy !req
926. - Must be very nice to be married.
- We only just met this evening.Copy !req
927. Yeah, sometimes I feel like we did, too.Copy !req
928. - Hi.
- No, no, you're not happy to see...Copy !req
929. You can't.
I don't want you to be happy to see me.Copy !req
930. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
931. So, I'm here because
I don't know what's going on.Copy !req
932. I don't.Copy !req
933. You make me feel something.
Something I absolutely cannot feel.Copy !req
934. I'm married.Copy !req
935. I'm married, for Christ's sake.
I have a husband, this...Copy !req
936. man that I... This lovely guy.
He's done nothing wrong.Copy !req
937. I was wondering if you could help me?Copy !req
938. I'm hoping to start a herb garden.Copy !req
939. It's a pretty little corner space...Copy !req
940. - north, right?
- These, these. On the house. Go.Copy !req
941. Okay, so do you see? You have to see.Copy !req
942. I can't do this. I can't actually do this.Copy !req
943. So whatever it is or was,
it's got to stop, and it's got to stop now.Copy !req
944. Do you understand?Copy !req
945. It's over.Copy !req
946. Ow!Copy !req
947. - What, what?
- Thorns in my bum.Copy !req
948. I'm sorry.Copy !req
949. It's another customer.Copy !req
950. Hello?Copy !req
951. Luce?Copy !req
952. Luce, you in the back?Copy !req
953. Don't come in, Heck, I...Copy !req
954. I was stock taking.Copy !req
955. You know, counting the...Copy !req
956. - Hey.
- Hey, yourself.Copy !req
957. What do you want, Heck?Copy !req
958. Buy some flowers. What else?Copy !req
959. - Flowers, of course.
- Not for me, for my wife, Rachel.Copy !req
960. Recently, she's just been a bit...Copy !req
961. I don't know.Copy !req
962. But you know what they say...Copy !req
963. there's nothing quite so cheering
as a well-timed bloom.Copy !req
964. So, I thought
one of your finest arrangements.Copy !req
965. Absolutely.Copy !req
966. - What does she like?
- You know what she likes.Copy !req
967. Lilies. She likes lilies.Copy !req
968. - Lilies? Right, well, that's simple.
- Yeah.Copy !req
969. So, did you enjoy the football
the other night?Copy !req
970. It was an experience.Copy !req
971. How did you find Rachel?Copy !req
972. Fine. I mean, I wouldn't...Copy !req
973. Fine.Copy !req
974. I don't suppose she...Copy !req
975. No. Well...Copy !req
976. I was just wondering
if she said anything about...Copy !req
977. me or...Copy !req
978. I just think I'm doing something wrong,
is all.Copy !req
979. I mean, that's what I think.Copy !req
980. And if she said what it is...Copy !req
981. that I'm doing, or not doing,
then I can stop it.Copy !req
982. Or start, or whatever, you see.Copy !req
983. And then we can...Copy !req
984. Like before.Copy !req
985. We can get back to being like before.Copy !req
986. - She didn't say anything.
- No.Copy !req
987. And I've embarrassed you.Copy !req
988. And myself, which is normal, very normal.Copy !req
989. - These are beautiful. How much do I...
- No, they're on the house.Copy !req
990. Thanks.Copy !req
991. You should ask her, you know. Not me.Copy !req
992. Bless you, but...Copy !req
993. I can't ask Rachel
if there's anything wrong.Copy !req
994. I mean, that's way too scary.Copy !req
995. Why?Copy !req
996. What if there is?Copy !req
997. Thanks.Copy !req
998. Rachel!Copy !req
999. - Rachel, wait!
- Luce, please!Copy !req
1000. - Just talk to me.
- What do you want me to say?Copy !req
1001. I heard him.
Jesus, I'm lying there, and I heard him...Copy !req
1002. and he's blaming himself.Copy !req
1003. You can put an end to this.Copy !req
1004. - How?
- Tell me to go.Copy !req
1005. Tell me that's what you want,
and I will walk away...Copy !req
1006. and you will never see me again.Copy !req
1007. Is that what you want?Copy !req
1008. I want you.Copy !req
1009. Luce.Copy !req
1010. I know.Copy !req
1011. I can't...Copy !req
1012. I know.Copy !req
1013. We'll be okay.Copy !req
1014. Don't forget me.Copy !req
1015. I won't remember anything else.Copy !req
1016. Come on, Jeff, you scratch my back
and I'll kiss your arse.Copy !req
1017. Okay, can you repeat that, please?Copy !req
1018. Okay, 41 flat.Copy !req
1019. Okay, well, let me just factor that into
the computer and crunch some numbers.Copy !req
1020. He can't go any higher.
I mean, he hasn't got it. He can't.Copy !req
1021. Yeah, the screen's flashing red
at me here, Jeff.Copy !req
1022. It's not gonna cut it.
In fact, the figure that I'm reading is...Copy !req
1023. Yeah, but the figure I'm reading
is forty-one and a half.Copy !req
1024. That's 41.5. Any lower just can't be a go.Copy !req
1025. That's way too much. It's too much.Copy !req
1026. So let's do it, Jeff. Let's work our way up.
Give me 41.1. Give me that.Copy !req
1027. We're feeling no pain there,
and you know what?Copy !req
1028. If we're at 0.1, let's have some fun.
Let's double down.Copy !req
1029. Yeah. Yeah, there you go.Copy !req
1030. All right, keep on coming.Copy !req
1031. Keep on coming. Give me three, three is
well in. You give me that right now...Copy !req
1032. You will?
Well, then go one more. Go to four.Copy !req
1033. I really, really, really don't wanna do it.Copy !req
1034. Yeah, yeah. Jeff, you know,
don't take that tone with me.Copy !req
1035. You know, I'm giving you a chance here.
Now, do you wanna be a big dog...Copy !req
1036. or do you wanna play on the porch
with the puppies?Copy !req
1037. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I feel that.
Okay, last one, my friend.Copy !req
1038. Over the cliff. I'm holding your hand,
I'm cupping your balls.Copy !req
1039. I'm there with you, and I'm there for you.
You've gotta ask yourself, Jeffrey...Copy !req
1040. do you trust me? Do you trust me?Copy !req
1041. Congratulations. We can deal.Copy !req
1042. My boy, for that,
you get a bonus as big as my knob.Copy !req
1043. Well, screw your bonus.Copy !req
1044. I wish I could.
Now, where d'you wanna go for a drink?Copy !req
1045. Screw you, too, Rob.Copy !req
1046. Hecky, what is it?Copy !req
1047. It just... It makes me sick, you know.
You lie. You just lie.Copy !req
1048. Well, so do you.Copy !req
1049. Not anymore.Copy !req
1050. Heck. Hecky. Hecky, come back!Copy !req
1051. - Hi.
- Afternoon.Copy !req
1052. I'm looking for a breakup plant.Copy !req
1053. - A what?
- A breakup plant.Copy !req
1054. Explain.Copy !req
1055. Well, I don't like my girlfriend.
I wanna break up with her...Copy !req
1056. via the means of plant.Copy !req
1057. Well, it should be a breakup bouquet,
and it should be hydrangeas.Copy !req
1058. They mean,
"It's over, but think well of me."Copy !req
1059. Perfect. I'll take one.Copy !req
1060. - One bouquet?
- One hyer-whatsit.Copy !req
1061. But that's not a lot.Copy !req
1062. Well, I don't care if she thinks well of me.Copy !req
1063. D'you know what? Piss off!Copy !req
1064. - Pardon?
- Out! Get out of my shop.Copy !req
1065. She's well rid of your fat arse, anyway.Copy !req
1066. Mum?Copy !req
1067. I'll be right out.Copy !req
1068. Take your time.Copy !req
1069. Oh, sweet shit in a bucket,
what's wrong with you?Copy !req
1070. Blow your nose, then explain.Copy !req
1071. I met this girl.Copy !req
1072. She's with someone else.Copy !req
1073. And does she love you?Copy !req
1074. I don't know.Copy !req
1075. No.Copy !req
1076. Yes.Copy !req
1077. But it doesn't matter.Copy !req
1078. Oh, it's all that matters.Copy !req
1079. She's with someone else. She can't...Copy !req
1080. When Dad left you, he broke your heart.Copy !req
1081. It mends again.Copy !req
1082. Look at you, you look fantastic.Copy !req
1083. I may be older than God,
but I can still make an effort.Copy !req
1084. A date? Does my mother have a date?Copy !req
1085. I'm going to eat food with a man, yes.Copy !req
1086. And how do you feel?Copy !req
1087. Oh.Copy !req
1088. Well, you know,
when you're holding a hot cup of coffee...Copy !req
1089. and you realize you're going to sneeze?Copy !req
1090. That's how I feel.Copy !req
1091. Come here.Copy !req
1092. Well, yippee.Copy !req
1093. Oh, shit. Heck, where have you...Copy !req
1094. Never fails.Copy !req
1095. Eight pints of water before bed,
and next day, you feel no pain.Copy !req
1096. Are you well, my gorgeous darling?Copy !req
1097. - I want to talk to you.
- I want to talk to you, too.Copy !req
1098. Just three more of these
and I'm quite literally all ears.Copy !req
1099. I'll be waiting.Copy !req
1100. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
1101. Very listening.Copy !req
1102. Shoot.Copy !req
1103. I wanted to talk to you because...Copy !req
1104. I have to talk to you
because this thing happened.Copy !req
1105. I wasn't looking for it, it just...Copy !req
1106. It just happened, and although...Copy !req
1107. it's over...Copy !req
1108. you've a right to know.Copy !req
1109. I went crazy, Heck.Copy !req
1110. I went crazy for someone,
and it wasn't you.Copy !req
1111. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1112. I'm so very sorry, so...Copy !req
1113. please believe me.Copy !req
1114. Heck?Copy !req
1115. No, no, no. Don't sleep. Wake up, Heck.Copy !req
1116. I can't say this more than once.Copy !req
1117. I'm staying.Copy !req
1118. I couldn't, wouldn't leave you.Copy !req
1119. You are my best friend.Copy !req
1120. And that was enough before.
It'll be enough again, so...Copy !req
1121. Coop.Copy !req
1122. It is you, then, is it?Copy !req
1123. - Is what? I don't...
- Heck doesn't know.Copy !req
1124. He said that she didn't tell who...Copy !req
1125. but I figured it out.Copy !req
1126. What did he say?Copy !req
1127. Just tell me I'm wrong, girl.Copy !req
1128. Tell me.Copy !req
1129. - You dumb slut.
- Don't start, Coop.Copy !req
1130. "Don't start"?Copy !req
1131. Her husband, her flipping husband
calls me in the middle of the night.Copy !req
1132. And you wanna know how he was?
He was busted!Copy !req
1133. You know, just get out.Copy !req
1134. What was that thing that you said?
What was that?Copy !req
1135. "Never wreck another couple."Copy !req
1136. You really stuck to that one good,
didn't you?Copy !req
1137. Okay, then. Okay. Yeah.Copy !req
1138. See you. Bye.Copy !req
1139. It's wonderful. Thank you.Copy !req
1140. There's a lovely section
on cooking with your children.Copy !req
1141. - Who was on the phone, honey?
- Luce.Copy !req
1142. She was supposed to take
me and my boyfriend to the museum...Copy !req
1143. but now we're not.Copy !req
1144. Oh.Copy !req
1145. Maybe some other time.Copy !req
1146. Not for a while.
She's going on a very long holiday.Copy !req
1147. She is?Copy !req
1148. When was the last time
you took me on holiday?Copy !req
1149. The summer of '94. Great Barrier Reef.Copy !req
1150. You scared all the sharks away.Copy !req
1151. She didn't mention that the other night.Copy !req
1152. No, yes, she did say something,
I remember now.Copy !req
1153. Will you take us to the museum?
And can Heck come, too?Copy !req
1154. Of course he can.Copy !req
1155. Do penguins have knees?Copy !req
1156. Well, this is fun, isn't it?
Shame it's only once a year.Copy !req
1157. - I can't handle this.
- Heck.Copy !req
1158. I can't do it, Rachel, I can't do it.
I thought I could, but I can't.Copy !req
1159. Blow out the candles, darling.Copy !req
1160. - What's happening?
- I'm going.Copy !req
1161. But it's, it's good cake.Copy !req
1162. Your mother got the recipe from the book
before she wrapped it.Copy !req
1163. I'm not gonna leave you.Copy !req
1164. If you respect me at all,
that's exactly what you will do.Copy !req
1165. Will you kindly tell me
what you're talking about?Copy !req
1166. Why is Heck being sad?Copy !req
1167. It's not you leaving that's gonna kill me.Copy !req
1168. It's you loving someone more.Copy !req
1169. Sorry to interrupt you.Copy !req
1170. Those candles are dripping wax
all over your mother's creation.Copy !req
1171. Will you fuck off with the fucking candles?Copy !req
1172. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1173. No, you're not walking away.
Don't walk away from me.Copy !req
1174. Yeah, keep saying that.
Let me pretend this is my choice.Copy !req
1175. What do you mean?Copy !req
1176. Oh, come on, Rach, we both know
you'd have left me in the end anyway.Copy !req
1177. - That's not true.
- Yes, it is!Copy !req
1178. Yes, it is.Copy !req
1179. You know, I want you to be happy.Copy !req
1180. More than anything else, I wanted
to be the cause of happiness in you.Copy !req
1181. But if I'm not, then...Copy !req
1182. I can't stand in the way.Copy !req
1183. Do you see?Copy !req
1184. Because what you're feeling now, Rachel...Copy !req
1185. is the unstoppable force.Copy !req
1186. Which means that I've got to move.Copy !req
1187. Darling...Copy !req
1188. what did Heck mean when he said
you're in love with someone else?Copy !req
1189. I am in love with someone else.Copy !req
1190. Cooper. That trollop.
He'd shag an open wound.Copy !req
1191. Not him.Copy !req
1192. Who, then?Copy !req
1193. Well, out with it. What's his name?Copy !req
1194. Who is the lucky chap?Copy !req
1195. Her name is Luce.Copy !req
1196. - Luce?
- Yes.Copy !req
1197. Who's a woman.Copy !req
1198. As are you a woman.Copy !req
1199. That's right.Copy !req
1200. So the two of you are lesbi-friends.Copy !req
1201. It doesn't matter what you call it,
it's not going to happen.Copy !req
1202. - Not after all this.
- Quite bloody right.Copy !req
1203. Could I say something here?Copy !req
1204. When I first met your mother...Copy !req
1205. back in the Trojan War...Copy !req
1206. I fell for her right off the bat.Copy !req
1207. And although she loved me back,
she married me...Copy !req
1208. somehow I always knew I was...Copy !req
1209. never quite up to snuff.Copy !req
1210. We muddled along,
got through the years...Copy !req
1211. but I've never doubted that
if she ever met anyone she really fell for...Copy !req
1212. who made her realize what true love is...Copy !req
1213. she'd leave me like a shot...Copy !req
1214. and how could I argue?Copy !req
1215. Whatever you choose to do from here...Copy !req
1216. we'll support you, we always will.Copy !req
1217. But please, my darling...Copy !req
1218. follow your heart.Copy !req
1219. - Could I borrow your car?
- I'll drive you.Copy !req
1220. Nothing happens without me there.Copy !req
1221. You coming?Copy !req
1222. When we come back,
we'll talk about this if you want to.Copy !req
1223. Yeah.Copy !req
1224. Do you know what I wish?Copy !req
1225. That you won't grow up so fast.Copy !req
1226. You take care, then.Copy !req
1227. You take care. I'm going to enjoy myself.Copy !req
1228. Hey. You did nothing wrong.Copy !req
1229. I did. Truth is, I'd do it again.Copy !req
1230. Why don't you have pudding
after breakfast?Copy !req
1231. You have it after lunch and dinner,
so why not in the morning as well?Copy !req
1232. I think it weird.Copy !req
1233. You're still sad, aren't you?Copy !req
1234. Yeah. Yeah, I am.Copy !req
1235. I knew you would be. I bought you sweets.Copy !req
1236. Thank you. Great.Copy !req
1237. I didn't know which is your favorite,
so I bought pick-and-mix.Copy !req
1238. Oh, sorry, H, sorry.Copy !req
1239. It's just...Copy !req
1240. I'm trying to do the right thing...Copy !req
1241. and now I think I should have not...Copy !req
1242. 'cause...Copy !req
1243. if she'd stayed with me out of guilt,
that would have been fine, wouldn't it?Copy !req
1244. I mean, wouldn't it?Copy !req
1245. My maths teacher, Mrs. O'Casey...Copy !req
1246. has something she always says
when people are sad.Copy !req
1247. She says, "No problem is insoluble,
given a big enough plastic bag."Copy !req
1248. - What does that mean?
- I don't know. She's very unusual.Copy !req
1249. I should have married you.Copy !req
1250. Maybe in 10 years.Copy !req
1251. If you're still lonely,
we could get married then.Copy !req
1252. You know, it's funny.Copy !req
1253. Ever since we first met,
I was scared that she was gonna leave me.Copy !req
1254. You shouldn't be afraid, Heck.
You can do anything.Copy !req
1255. Hurry. Hurry, please.
Take a left here.Copy !req
1256. I just think, if not Heck,
there must be other fish in the sea.Copy !req
1257. Male fish.Copy !req
1258. - Is it straight on?
- Yes.Copy !req
1259. Rather exciting.Copy !req
1260. And what about my grandchildren?
Who'll be providing them?Copy !req
1261. I believe
there's a marvelous new invention...Copy !req
1262. - somewhat akin to the turkey baster.
- Just up here.Copy !req
1263. - And where did you two meet?
- At my wedding.Copy !req
1264. But it's such a short time.
How can you be sure?Copy !req
1265. I knew after three seconds.Copy !req
1266. I've heard of love happening that fast.
The French call it le flash.Copy !req
1267. They would, bloody perverts.Copy !req
1268. Where's Luce? Is she here?Copy !req
1269. Would you like to try that entrance again?Copy !req
1270. Hello. Please, I'm looking for Luce.Copy !req
1271. You're her, aren't you?Copy !req
1272. You're the girl.Copy !req
1273. Yes, I am.Copy !req
1274. You have a husband.Copy !req
1275. I left him.Copy !req
1276. He left me.Copy !req
1277. It doesn't matter. It's over.Copy !req
1278. So you're free?Copy !req
1279. And you love my daughter?Copy !req
1280. Golly.Copy !req
1281. Have you ever sold flowers before?Copy !req
1282. Watch it!Copy !req
1283. And what would you be wearing?Copy !req
1284. Oh, yeah, I like that.Copy !req
1285. Oh, yeah, I like that very much.Copy !req
1286. - Excuse me.
- Yeah?Copy !req
1287. - Excuse me.
- Do you mind? I'm talking here.Copy !req
1288. Are you sure this is the best way?
'Cause the traffic's—Copy !req
1289. I'll meet you at home, angel.
And will you be waiting downstairs...Copy !req
1290. or upstairs?Copy !req
1291. You're quite wrong, you know.
You've always been enough for me.Copy !req
1292. Not recently.Copy !req
1293. There are pills one can take.Copy !req
1294. I could buy some...Copy !req
1295. if you could perhaps...Copy !req
1296. be a little kinder.Copy !req
1297. Yes, I could.Copy !req
1298. Darling, try a left up here.
It's generally quicker.Copy !req
1299. Well done.Copy !req
1300. Hang on.Copy !req
1301. Three cheers for my husband.
As much use as a fart in a jam jar.Copy !req
1302. Well, that was
the shortest honeymoon in history.Copy !req
1303. - Hello?
- Luce, it's me. Listen.Copy !req
1304. - We have to talk. Everything's changed.
- There's nothing to say.Copy !req
1305. You can't do it. Bye.Copy !req
1306. How did that go, then?Copy !req
1307. She'll be back.
She'll be back soon, and then you can—Copy !req
1308. - It's over.
- Good.Copy !req
1309. Well, you know what I mean.Copy !req
1310. That singing.Copy !req
1311. I heard that singing before.Copy !req
1312. What're you talking about?Copy !req
1313. Where?Copy !req
1314. Mind the car.Copy !req
1315. Yes, but... Oh, forget the car.Copy !req
1316. Luce!Copy !req
1317. Luce!Copy !req
1318. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1319. Luce!Copy !req
1320. Luce, where are you?Copy !req
1321. This couldn't possibly get
more embarrassing.Copy !req
1322. Luce!Copy !req
1323. Luce, please!Copy !req
1324. Luce!Copy !req
1325. You're a wanker,
Number 9!Copy !req
1326. Luce, I can do this!Copy !req
1327. I can do this!Copy !req
1328. Let's go and talk to her. Let's go.Copy !req
1329. - Hey.
- Hi.Copy !req
1330. Hey. Come here. Hi.Copy !req
1331. Hi. What're you doing?Copy !req
1332. - Can I just...
- Yeah.Copy !req
1333. Thanks.Copy !req
1334. Just making some notes
for this book that I'm writing.Copy !req
1335. - Oh, you're writing a book?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1336. Great.Copy !req
1337. Because I can read.Copy !req
1338. Hi.Copy !req
1339. It's cold.Copy !req
1340. It's good.Copy !req
1341. It's nice.Copy !req
1342. It's cold.Copy !req
1343. How long's the flight anyway,
do you know?Copy !req
1344. About 24 hours.Copy !req
1345. Plenty of time.Copy !req