I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988)

1. What do you say, Charlie? Good evening, lieutenant.

2. So, what do you got for me? John Doe.

3. Between 25 and 30 years of age.

4. Cause of death looks like O.G.

5. - "Over gold." - Yeah.

6. Any signs of foul play around here?

7. No, sir. Looks like a case of just too many gold chains.

8. Jesus Christ!

9. This guy looks like a fucking statue.

10. I wonder how he went to the bathroom with all this stuff on.

11. Oh, boy.

12. All right, Charlie.

13. Why don't we just wrap it up?

14. All right, wrap it up.

15. - Friends. - Yes?

16. I was thinking as we drove up here in those long cadillacs...

17. - Mm-hmm. - How serious this is.

18. - Yes, it is. - Death is serious.

19. Yes, it is.

20. You got to prepare to die.

21. Yes, yes.

22. This boy here loved gold. We stripped him of all that gold.

23. - That's why we got this beautiful sermon today. - Yes, sir.

24. - He was prepared to die! - Prepared!

25. Lord,

26. We ask you to look down on this young soul known on Earth...

27. as Junebug Spade.

28. Junebug Spade? Ain't this Lester Wilson's funeral?

29. No, ma'am. Lester Wilson was at 9:00.

30. Oh, hell! Come on, let's get out of here.

31. Hold on one second. No, no. Hold on.

32. - Can I get an amen? - Don't even know him.

33. - Get out of my way! - Praise the saints?

34. Can I get an amen? Can I get an amen?

35. Put that down.

36. You know Junebug Spade?

37. - Yes, we do. - Yes, I'm his mother.

38. He was my husband.

39. Mama, I just can't believe that Junebug didn't have any friends.

40. Did you notice that not one person stayed when they found out it was Junebug?

41. - Now, baby, you know the boy wasn't shit. - Mama!

42. Don't get me wrong. He was my son, and I loved him.

43. But when he got hooked on that gold, he changed.

44. I bet he owed everybody he ever knew money.

45. Mama, Junebug may have been a little crooked,

46. But I'm sure that somebody besides us loved him too.

47. I don't know.

48. Maybe that's Jack.

49. - Yes? - Good afternoon, miss lady ma'am.

50. May we come in?

51. Y'all ain't selling NoWay products, are you?

52. No! We friends with Junebug.

53. They're friends of Junebug's, mama.

54. Come right in.

55. I'm Cheryl, Junebug's widow,

56. And this is Mrs. Bell Spade, Junebug's mother.

57. Hmm. What's up?

58. I'm Willie. This here's Leonard.

59. - And we come here... - What you tell them our real name for?

60. Are you stupid?

61. - No, they told us their real names, so... - Who's in charge?

62. - You are. - Who?

63. You in charge.

64. Then shut the fuck up.

65. - You all mind telling me what you want? - Certainly.

66. - Junebug used to work for me. - Used to work for us.

67. - I work for Mr. Big. - We work for Mr. Big.

68. It just so happens that Junebug died...

69. - Owing Mr. Big $5,000. - Five thousand...

70. - We here to collect. - Five thousand dollars?

71. We don't have that kind of money.

72. No shit.

73. "No shit"!

74. They don't have that kind of money!

75. Get off me!

76. I could look at these plastic slipcovers, the slipcovers.

77. The stupid painted-on walls, look at this stupid painted...

78. And tell that type of money ain't around here.

79. You see the dude that painted those walls? They got doo-doo paint!

80. It's all bullshit. Look at these white pillows. Look at these stupid magazines.

81. Look, they got oranges and shit!

82. I'm sorry.

83. But I do see somethin'.

84. Somethin' that's gonna be worth at least... mmm...

85. ten times that amount of money to Mr. Big.

86. Well, what is it? What do you want?

87. - You. - Mama!

88. Don't you touch...

89. Ooh!

90. Good. If she moves, hit her again.

91. - Looks like mama gonna have to teach you some manners. - Okay, come on, mama.

92. You don't ever come in my house...

93. Acting like no fool, fool!

94. Now, clean up that mess you made.

95. You, put those pillows back on the couch where you found 'em.

96. That's right. Pick all that shit up!

97. All of it! And puff these pillows up too, man.

98. You stupid... come here!

99. Come here! Why you gonna go mess the nice lady's house up for, man?

100. I only did it... you told me when we came in to beat her up and mess up her house!

101. - I didn't tell you shit like that, man! - Yes, you did!

102. Now, mister, you and your friend got a choice.

103. You can either go out that window or take the stairs.

104. Okay. We gonna take the stairs. Yeah, we'll take...

105. Yeah, we'll take the stairs.

106. Oh! Ow! Get your pants outta my face!

107. Oh! Get off me, man. Get off me!

108. - Ma! - Jack!

109. - Mama! - Oh, Lord, my baby's home at last!

110. Mama!

111. My baby's home! Come on in.

112. Ma, you okay? Oh, yes, just some bill collectors. Cheryl.

113. Come look who's here.

114. Oh, honey, you look so good in this uniform. All them medals!

115. You remember Cheryl, don't you?

116. Hello, Jack.

117. Hi, Cheryl.

118. Been a long time, huh?

119. Yeah, it has been a long time.

120. Honey, why don't you go put your things in the room and have something to eat?

121. - Cheryl made a fine dinner. - Mama, that sounds like a good idea.

122. And Jack, baby, Mama wants you to know...

123. I kept your room just the way you left it ten years ago.

124. Oh, ma.

125. My baby's home.

126. Right here.

127. Smells good. It is good.

128. Mama, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the funeral.

129. I got here as soon as I could.

130. I know, baby. Just glad you're here now.

131. Mama, exactly how did Junebug die?

132. He...

133. Mama...

134. She's really taking this pretty hard.

135. You know how your mother is, Jack.

136. Is somebody gonna tell me what's going on?

137. Jack, not too long after you left,

138. Junebug started hanging out with a bad crowd.

139. I mean, he even started selling drugs, Jack.

140. And then things really got bad when he...

141. Well, what?

142. Cheryl, come on.

143. He started wearing gold chains, Jack.

144. Oh, God, no!

145. It started out as just one or two.

146. It seemed like every time he'd get some money, he'd buy more gold chains.

147. He was wearing hundreds of them, Jack. Hundreds.

148. Not gold. Yes, Jack.

149. Gold chains and medallions and rings...

150. And even his teeth.

151. You can't imagine what it was like to kiss him.

152. He took a picture just before he died.

153. We put it on the mantle.

154. Junebug!

155. How did he go to the bathroom with all this stuff on?

156. Okay.

157. All right, who are these people Junebug was hanging out with?

158. Well,

159. He worked for a man named Mr. Big.

160. He rules the crime world here.

161. - Those men that your mother threw down the stairs? - They work for Mr. Big too.

162. They came in here saying that Junebug owed 'em all kinds of money, crazy money.

163. And I really think that they're the ones who killed him.

164. Well, don't you worry about a thing.

165. Jack Spade is here, and I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.

166. Oh.

167. I better go check on mama.

168. - Where is the girl? - We almost had the girl, Mr. Big.

169. Yeah, we almost. She's beautiful.

170. She's gonna be worth far more than the money Junebug owes.

171. She'll be worth maybe 10 or 20 times. Far more than money.

172. Anyway, she's got a real soft juicy fruit butt.

173. But the only problem was that this old lady,

174. She punched me in the stomach real hard!

175. Then she started crying and screaming and stuff, right?

176. And a dude came in, this big dude.

177. - I think it's her son or something. - What dude?

178. - The soldier dude. - I didn't see him.

179. The dude. The fucking dude that came in!

180. - Then he started... He hit me from behind. - He hit you?

181. - And I went down. - Oh, you mean the soldier dude!

182. - Yeah, the soldier dude. - Okay, okay.

183. Then he hit me from behind. And I went down. I was like this.

184. - Then the dude shot me! - He didn't shoot you.

185. He did. Kept on biting on my ankles.

186. - Where did you get a stupid lie like that from? - Enough.

187. Now,

188. Junebug worked under you,

189. Which means you owe me his debts.

190. If that girl is anything you say she is,

191. Then we'll call it even.

192. I have no patience when it comes to collecting.

193. Now, I suspect...

194. You'll bring me that girl right away.

195. Yes, sir, uncle Mr. Big. Yes, sir, Mr. Big.

196. Uncle Mr. Big, I have a question.

197. What about the mother?

198. If he gets in your way, kill him.

199. I better not hear any more about that guy...

200. Or it's your asses!

201. You got that?

202. Yes, sir, uncle Mr. Big. It'll be our asses. It'll be your ass.

203. Good.

204. You boys can leave either through the window...

205. or the stairs.

206. We'll take the stairs. We always take the stairs.

207. - Lenny? - What?

208. - You mad at me? - I'm gonna be mad on the way down these stairs.

209. Ooh! Ow!

210. Ooh! Ooh! Oh!

211. He was such a sweet baby.

212. I don't know how he turned out so bad.

213. He missed you when you was gone, Jack.

214. - Yeah? - Yeah.

215. I missed him too, mama.

216. You know, I remember when me and Junebug used to go to the park.

217. Junebug loved the swings.

218. He'd say, "Jack, give me a push."

219. And I'd take him and run, but I wouldn't push him.

220. I'd run back in, then I'd run again. Still wouldn't push him.

221. Shut up, Jack! Do you remember this?

222. Do you remember when you made that for mama?

223. I made this in Mrs. Wilson's class.

224. That's right. You was always so thoughtful to your mama.

225. - That's why I'm so glad you're home. - Mama.

226. W-wait a minute. What?

227. - Mama! - Huh?

228. That's John Slade. Yeah?

229. I didn't know you knew him.

230. Yes. We was very much in love once.

231. Before I met your father.

232. I almost married Slade.

233. But he was so busy being a crime fighter,

234. Flying in and out of windows, chasing criminals.

235. Hmm. Had no time to settle down.

236. Anyway, wish he was here now.

237. He'd find out what happened to my boy and he'd make 'em pay.

238. Hey, mama, now.

239. Mama, I'm here, and I'm gonna find out what happened to Junebug.

240. No, no, no, no.

241. You're all I got! Don't you do nothing foolish.

242. I'm just gonna ask a few questions, that's all.

243. - No, Jack. - Ma, just a few questions. I promise.

244. - Okay? - Okay.

245. Okay.

246. - Be careful. - I will.

247. "John Slade to host youth gang competition."

248. 2:00. - Hey, move it! - Can I get a cab?

249. I want this shit clean.

250. Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

251. It's a new record!

252. Right now I'd like to talk to a man who's no stranger to this community.

253. And he's considered by many to be, well, a local hero of sorts.

254. While serving the community in the '70s, he helped topple such crime bosses as Mr. Big.

255. He's responsible for today's events.

256. I'm speaking, of course, of Mr. John Slade.

257. A lot of people would like to see you come back and help rid the old neighborhood of Mr. Big.

258. - How do you respond to that? - No, skip. I'm sorry. I'm retired now.

259. It's a job for the police department.

260. Oh, but tell us, Mr. Slade, what is today really about?

261. To provide for these young people an opportunity to let steam off...

262. In a very positive way...

263. By competing in events that are familiar, if you will,

264. to their environment.

265. Do you know what I mean, brother?

266. Well, actually, I don't. I didn't grow up around blacks.

267. I grew up in the suburbs. My dad was a lawyer. My mom was a doctor.

268. All my friends were white.

269. Everybody used to tease me 'cause I didn't speak jive.

270. I couldn't dance to save my life.

271. The only step I really knew was that step that Springsteen does...

272. In the "Dancing in the Dark" video.

273. I love Springsteen. Yes.

274. Reporting for WBLD news, this is Skip Balins saying,

275. in the immortal words of our negro poet, Don Cornelius,

276. "Peace and soul."

277. Thanks, guys.

278. - John Slade? - Yeah.

279. I need to talk to you.

280. - You sellin' NoWay products? - No.

281. Oh, okay.

282. - Can we go somewhere more private? - Yeah. This way.

283. Senior Сitizen Mugging Competition...

284. will begin in five minutes.

285. Okay, young man. What can I do for you?

286. - Do you remember that woman? - Yeah, I sure do.

287. That's Bell Brown.

288. We used to call her "hot chocolate." She had the softest eyes.

289. She had these big old round, brown, firm ti...

290. She would do this little trick with her mouth where she would...

291. That's my mother, man.

292. She was a good woman, your mother. Yes, she was. Absolutely, a good woman.

293. I should have married your mother.

294. Wait a minute. You ain't gonna tell me I'm your daddy or no shit like that now...

295. because I don't wanna hear no bullshit.

296. No. Nothin' like that.

297. That's my brother.

298. He's dead. He O.G.'d.

299. How does he go to the bathroom with all this shit on?

300. Look, I'm sorry about your brother...

301. And I'm really sorry for Bell because she don't deserve it.

302. Look at this.

303. I bought that on the street.

304. You know what that shit is doing to our kids? I know. I'm from the streets.

305. Every day I see kids walking around killing and stealing for gold chains.

306. I see kids with medallions so big they can hardly stand up.

307. All stooped over and shit, trying to carry that stuff.

308. But what's really awful, man, is you see a young brother...

309. with this cheap, imitation electroplated gold crap around their necks,

310. and it breaks out in this funky green rash...

311. with these bumps and shit.

312. It just make you wanna puke.

313. Yeah. Yeah, I know it's happenin'. What do you want with me?

314. I want you...

315. to take down Mr. Big and put an end to this gold-chain shit.

316. Hey, look, I'm sorry about your brother. I'm sorry for Bell.

317. But I don't wanna be no hero no more, man.

318. - I'm a long way from that. - Yeah, and look what happened.

319. - The people need you. - The people need me?

320. It was the people, man, that made me retire.

321. The people said I was too violent, a bad image for the kids.

322. So fuck the people. The people...

323. Look, I'm retired now, okay?

324. And I kind of enjoy the feeling of staying alive. Okay, brother?

325. I was one of those kids that looked up to you, man. I believed in you.

326. I wanted to be like you.

327. You were the best.

328. Hello!

329. Hello?

330. Is anybody here?

331. Yes, my brother.

332. How may I help you?

333. Yeah, are you Kalinga, leader of the people's revolutionary army?

334. - Are you C.I.A.? - No.

335. - I am Kalinga. - I need to talk to you.

336. Have a seat. Would you care for something to eat?

337. A bean pie perhaps?

338. No, uh, I'm not hungry.

339. Something to drink? Please sit down. Herb tea? A soda?

340. Okay, soda's fine.

341. Articulate your needs. I'm here to listen.

342. How may I help you?

343. Well, first of all...

344. It's an acquired taste.

345. Now... How may I help you, my brother?

346. Look, I'm here because I can't stand what's happening in this community.

347. - Yes! - And somebody has to make a change.

348. - Yes! - Brother, will you help me?

349. Yes! Well...

350. I wish I could.

351. Damn it, man. I heard the people's revolutionary army was once a thousand strong.

352. - Now, what happened? - They got government jobs.

353. What?

354. You know that government office building on 25th street?

355. - Yeah? - We went down to take it over.

356. But they were hiring that day.

357. The brothers walked in with guns...

358. and came out with jobs.

359. The brothers weren't mad anymore.

360. Yes.

361. Whitey... Is something else.

362. Damn.

363. My great nubian warrior, dinner's ready.

364. We have a guest. Meet my Ofay Wench.

365. Uh, nice to meet you. Would you like to stay for dinner?

366. She makes the best bean dishes in all the world.

367. Daddy! Daddy, can we watch TV?

368. Daddy, oh, brave black king, I finished my homework.

369. Can we watch TV?

370. Let me hear... Your report.

371. Okay. "Abraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin in Illinois.

372. "This poor white trash went on to become...

373. "the president of the United States.

374. - Yes? - "Once in office, this white capitalist swine...

375. - Swine! - "Manipulated the freedom of the black man...

376. "for his own political career,

377. - Preach, brother! - "Till another piece of poor white trash...

378. Shot him in the head. The end."

379. - Whoo!

380. Thank you, Jesus.

381. Whitey,

382. I am very pleased.

383. Yes, you and your lovely sister,

384. You may go and watch TV.

385. Go and enjoy.

386. Are you sure, my brother,

387. You will not join us?

388. - No. - Oh, bean ice cream.

389. Thanks, I'm regular.

390. Look, I gotta be going, man. Thanks.

391. Struggle!

392. Power to the people!

393. Hi, soldier boy. How you doing?

394. What can I get for you?

395. Just a soda.

396. I came to pick you up. You gettin' off soon?

397. I was just waiting for ma to come and take me home.

398. She's probably had a long day.

399. Call and tell her I'm here.

400. Okay. I'll be back in a minute.

401. You Jack Spade?

402. Yeah, I'm Jack... Spade.

403. We hear you been asking a lot of questions around town about Mr. Big.

404. Mr. Big don't like it.

405. - Jack. - Come here, Cheryl.

406. Don't you worry about a thing. I can handle this.

407. Only thing you're gonna be able to handle, soldier boy, is a wheelchair.

408. - Jack, no! - Oh, yeah.

409. Yeah.

410. Hold it right there. Ain't nobody layin' a finger on my baby.

411. Ma!

412. How did you do that?

413. Mm-hmm.

414. You know, ma, you really didn't have to do that.

415. That was my fight.

416. That's all right, sugar. Mama don't want her baby fightin' that street trash.

417. Come on, let's go home. Put your jacket on, Jack. Put the jacket on.

418. Put your jacket on. It's cold outside.

419. Come on. Move.

420. Look, ma, I'm not a boy anymore. I'm a man.

421. My whole life, every time I get in a fight, here you come.

422. I don't need you to fight for me no more.

423. All right, Mr. Tough Guy.

424. I remember when you wasn't so tough.

425. I remember when you was always calling for your mama!

426. Like the time when that Lois Mitchell girl was kicking your ass...

427. Up and down, up and down the schoolyard!

428. All I could hear was, "Mama! Mama!"

429. Oh, yeah, and the time when that Evans family, those little midgets,

430. Was chasing you home 'cause you didn't want to give them your lunch money.

431. I could hear your punk ass calling me a half a mile away.

432. "Mama, help me! Mama, help me!"

433. Now you don't need me no more, huh?

434. Fine.

435. You don't never have to worry about me fighting for you no more.

436. - Good. - Now what you gonna do?

437. Finish the fight Big started.

438. - Don't be no fool. They'll kill you, Jack! - Maybe.

439. Jack!

440. Slade.

441. How you doin', Bell? Oh, I'm so glad you're here.

442. I need you. I really need you.

443. I've been pretty horny myself lately.

444. That's a gun. Jack, what are you doing with a gun?

445. I'm in the army, remember?

446. - Mama's right. They're gonna kill you. - Mr. Big is gonna pay.

447. And if I see those little Evans midgets, they ass is mine!

448. I'm... it's payback. And Lois Mitchell.

449. You know, she snuck me. She snuck me.

450. In fifth grade... I was eating my jell-o when you hit me, baby.

451. They were just kids!

452. A family full of midgets is not considered kids. That's a gang!

453. Jack, wait a minute. Getting yourself killed is not gonna prove anything.

454. Proves I can beat a woman and some midgets.

455. He's gonna get himself killed.

456. How ya doing, Jack?

457. Slade, please. Please stop him. He's all I got left.

458. Don't worry, Bell. I'll take care of him.

459. Jack.

460. Jack, where the hell do you think you're going?

461. To war. You mean to get killed.

462. Look, I came to you for help. You don't want to help me, cool.

463. But don't try to stop me from doin' what I gotta do, okay?

464. You go out there alone, they gonna shoot your ass off.

465. I'm a soldier, man. I've been trained for combat.

466. Oh, my god! Heads up!

467. Be cool! They shootin'!

468. They shootin'! Somebody shootin'!

469. Get down! Get your ass down, boy!

470. I thought you were trained for combat.

471. Yeah. Yeah, I was, but I ain't never been in it.

472. What are these fancy medals for?

473. Well, this one is shorthand.

474. And this one here's M.P.V.

475. - And, uh, this is surf in'. - Never mind. Never mind.

476. - You got your weapon? - Yeah.

477. Give it to me.

478. Give me a clip.

479. Hurry up, Jack.

480. - Ma'am, how is he? - He's dead.

481. Can't you hear the music?

482. Ma'am?

483. - I waited 12 years for this. - Let me see.

484. Not bad. At least he wasn't cheap.

485. I'm sure he won't mind.

486. Jack, go now!

487. Go that way.

488. I'll go this way.

489. Cover the door. They're comin' up.

490. - Where are you goin'? - Comin' around the corner. Cover the door.

491. They're comin' out!

492. Here, take it!

493. Cover me! Cover me!

494. Don't do this, man!

495. Who is it?

496. Come on, come on. Against the wall, punk.

497. Hold it! It's over, it's over.

498. Now, who are you guys and why are you trying to kill us?

499. What, you think it's that easy? You think it's that easy?

500. You just ask us, and we tell you, right? We supposed to tell you?

501. Shit. That's funny.

502. You're gonna have to kill him first.

503. Why you gonna kill me first, Lenny?

504. You guys talk a lot of shit to be so light in the ass.

505. - Uh, uncle Mr. Big told us to kill him. - Why does Big want me dead?

506. The word's on the street you been sticking your nose in business that's not yours.

507. You're sticking your nose in it.

508. And you, Mr. Whoever You Are. Whoever you are.

509. The same is gonna happen to you when Mr. Big finds out what you did tonight.

510. Well, you know what? You guys are real lucky.

511. I'm in a good mood tonight, so I'm gonna let you go, okay?

512. - I thought so. - Hey, Lenny, wait a minute.

513. Why were you gonna let us go when we was just over there trying to kill you?

514. Stupid. What do you care why?

515. - Let's just go. - Look.

516. You tell Mr. Big...

517. that John Slade is back.

518. He's got 24 hours to get outta town.

519. Now, you guys can either go over the side...

520. - Or you can... - Yeah, we'll take the stairs.

521. Yeah, I thought you knew. Come on. Let's go. Go on. Shut up.

522. Fucking get off me, man.

523. Come on.

524. Go ahead. Aah!

525. When they get back to Big, it's gonna get rough.

526. You better score some big guns.

527. Do that march, baby.

528. - May I help you gentlemen? - Yes, sir.

529. We wanna see one-eyed Sam.

530. You ain't selling any NoWay products, are you?

531. We look like salesmen to you?

532. He ain't here, okay?

533. You call him on the phone and you tell him that John Slade...

534. has got to score tonight.

535. Yeah, Okay. John Slade.

536. I'll get his line here for you.

537. Sam, sorry to wake you.

538. Two big ugly-looking guys, one guy who thinks he's at sea world.

539. This other guy named Slade.

540. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Slade says he needs a big score.

541. Okay. Later.

542. Uh, Slade, Slade.

543. I-I'm sorry about that.

544. Sam says he'll be right over and for me to get you guys a drink on the house.

545. - Enjoy the show. Sorry about that, man. - No problem.

546. All right.

547. Yes, baby, give me a whiskey double, okay?

548. One whiskey double. And?

549. Um, I'll have a Pepsi double.

550. One whiskey double and one Pepsi coming right up.

551. - Who is that? - That's the director's sister.

552. - One whiskey double. - Thank you.

553. And a... Pepsi double.

554. You've got some things to learn about being a hero.

555. Like what?

556. I mean, a Pepsi?

557. - Jack, come on. - Wh-what's wrong with Pepsi?

558. When's the last time you been laid?

559. - What? - You heard what I said.

560. Uh, well, not...

561. Been a while, hasn't it?

562. Yeah, okay, so... So yeah, all right. So it's been a while.

563. But that's only 'cause I'm waiting on somebody...

564. Waiting on somebody special.

565. Somebody special. You got a lot to learn.

566. You gotta learn the difference between being loved...

567. and being laid.

568. Now, when I was with your mom... When I was with your mom,

569. That was being loved.

570. But you see down at the end of the bar there?

571. That is for being laid.

572. I... She's comin' over here!

573. Be cool. Loosen up.

574. Let her do the talking.

575. Hi. My name's Cherry.

576. What's yours?

577. - Jack. - Jack.

578. That's such a strong-sounding name.

579. Jack.

580. Do you find me attractive?

581. Oh, yeah.

582. I was just wondering, what are you doing in a place like this?

583. Looking for Mr. Right, and I think I might have just found him.

584. Why?

585. Well, any man with such a strong name and strong body...

586. Probably has exactly what I need.

587. What's that?

588. Twelve inches.

589. Twelve inches.

590. Uh, well...

591. I...

592. Hmm? I guess I'd do.

593. Well, hello, Mr. Right.

594. Say, Jack, honey, I've got a place just around the corner.

595. Let's say we get out of here.

596. - Get out. - Get out.

597. Oh, oh, I don't know.

598. I-I'm here with my friend, and, you know, we got...

599. business.

600. No problem. I got plenty of time. Help yourself.

601. I'll just sit here and wait for Sam.

602. Mmm.

603. Mmm.

604. Oh, shoot me, hurt me.

605. Ooh, yes!

606. Oh! You...

607. You are so sexy.

608. Jack, I can't wait.

609. Hmm, baby. Give me... Mm-hmm.

610. Give me... Give me all the 12 inches.

611. All the 12... Now!

612. Oh, the 12. Um... Now! Now!

613. Now! Oh, the 12, the 12.

614. Yeah, that's good. Ooh, that's good. We gotta talk about this 12.

615. Huh? Twelve.

616. I... Yeah, about those 12 inches?

617. Well, uh, I lied.

618. I-I really don't have 12 inches.

619. No?

620. I hope I didn't disappoint you.

621. Well, I have a confession to make too.

622. Really?

623. My eyes...

624. Aren't really green.

625. You know what else?

626. Another secret. What?

627. Aaah!

628. Aaah! Aaah!

629. But this is nice in the summer!

630. Oh, wait. I am glad to get these off.

631. No, not that. Not the tits. Please don't be the...

632. They're not even the right color!

633. - Whoo! - This voluptuous ass of mine?

634. Oh, wait.

635. Guys always get a kick out of this one. Wait.

636. Oh, god, I feel so much better. I know you do too.

637. Look, ooh... Whoo! Hey, you see?

638. It... You-you... No, wait.

639. I got to... I have got to...

640. Oh, please, Jack, honey, come on.

641. Don't make me... Don't make me hop after you. Come on, baby.

642. That was quick. What happened?

643. It was unbelievable.

644. - Slade! - Hey, Sam!

645. How are you, man? You're lookin' good.

646. Hey. Good to see you.

647. What's so damn important you gotta wake me out of my bed?

648. We've got to score, and we got to score tonight.

649. - Follow me. - You the man.

650. Let's go.

651. Sam, this youngblood is Jack Spade.

652. Jack, Sam.

653. - You a soldier, boy? - Yes, sir.

654. What was your specialty, son?

655. I was a, uh...

656. I was the intermilitary administrator.

657. Well, I'll be damned.

658. A secretary.

659. Well, good to meet you, son.

660. I was intermilitary administrator myself.

661. Sam. Sam, hold it, man. You told me you served in 'nam.

662. I did. Saigon.

663. How'd you lose your eye? Fuckin' around in the office.

664. We were shootin' paper clips, and one of the damn fools hit me in the eye.

665. Same thing almost happened to me.

666. How'd you win those fuckin' medals on your coat?

667. Well, this one is for typin'.

668. And this one is for dart champion. This one is for surf in'.

669. I got that one! Never mind, never mind!

670. Shut up. Show me what you got.

671. Well, they need to be cleaned and oiled, but they work.

672. Well, I could do that.

673. Hey, all we need now is an army.

674. You take care of the weapons, and I'll get us an army.

675. Jack, I'm glad you're okay. I was really worried about you.

676. I cleaned the room up for you.

677. Do you like it?

678. Yeah, it's nice.

679. May I sit down?

680. Yeah.

681. Jack,

682. why didn't you write to me all those years?

683. I didn't have nothin' to tell you.

684. Well, you could have just told me you were alive.

685. Cheryl, I went away to prove something to you.

686. No, not to you. Prove something to myself.

687. That I can be a man for you, that I can protect you.

688. I mean, our whole lives, every time we got into trouble, my mother came.

689. I never had a chance to prove to you I could be a man.

690. I figured I'd go in the army, get into combat,

691. have some great war stories to tell you.

692. I mean, I wait ten years for a war... Nothing.

693. I wind up being a secretary.

694. Jack, you didn't have to prove anything.

695. Not to me.

696. You've always been the man for me, Jack.

697. Yeah, and what about Junebug?

698. I went out with Junebug to remind me of you.

699. You know, Jack...

700. Remember when we used to go down to the Soul Train Disco?

701. And you would get all dressed up,

702. And I would put my hair in those afro puffs?

703. Down! Ha-yii!

704. Boy, we were a real knockout.

705. Yeah. We were somethin'.

706. - May I help you, sir? - How much for an order of ribs?

707. - Uh, 2.50. - 2.50?

708. How many ribs do I get with that?

709. - Uh, about five. - Five?

710. So I guess that's about 50 cents a rib, huh?

711. Yeah, about.

712. Let me get one.

713. Right on. One order. One order of ribs.

714. No, no. No, no. One rib.

715. One rib?

716. I sure am hungry.

717. Um, make that one rib to go.

718. - One rib? - One rib.

719. - What else? - You got any soda?

720. One dollar.

721. Ah, come on now. Look out for a brother, man.

722. Come on. Check this out. Why don't you let me get a sip for 15 cents?

723. My cups cost more than 15 cents.

724. All right, fuck the cup. Pour it in my hand for a dime.

725. Look, you greasy-headed, jeri-curl wearin'...

726. Pay me and get the hell out of my store.

727. You got change for a hundred?

728. Look, we're gonna need an orthopedic surgeon to remove my foot from your ass.

729. Hammer, Hammer. No, brother, don't do it.

730. You know the customer is always king. Hammer!

731. Slade! You son of a bitch.

732. Slam, how you doin'? Hey, man, I thought you were dead or something.

733. No, no. Or worse... Married and shit.

734. Don't put that on me. How you doing, brother?

735. How you guys doing? You all right? Really good to see you.

736. Listen, how would you guys like to upgrade your image?

737. What you talkin' about, Slade?

738. I'm talkin' about doin' it one more time.

739. I'm talkin' about takin' it to the man.

740. - Mr. Big. - You got it, Slam.

741. Man, you must be crazy. Check this out.

742. - We are businessmen now. - Give me a break.

743. You two big motherfuckers in here making red beans and grits is business?

744. Damn, Slade.

745. You sure know how to piss on a man's parade.

746. But, you know, it sure would be good to be back on top again.

747. - What do you say, Slammer? - What the fuck.

748. I ain't killed nobody in a long time.

749. The old warehouse, 6:00 P.M.

750. Be there or be square.

751. Five minutes, Flyguy.

752. What do you say, buddy? How you holdin' up?

753. I'm hangin'.

754. A few more hours, I'll be a free man.

755. So what are your plans?

756. Hey, man, let's cut the bullshit.

757. We known each other too long for that.

758. - What are you here for? - Mr. Big.

759. - Big? What about him? - We're gonna take him down.

760. I've been away too long. Count me out.

761. The reason you been away so long is 'cause Mr. Big shot your ass through the grease...

762. and put your black butt in this joint.

763. At one time, you were the biggest and baddest player out there, man.

764. Remember?

765. Yeah, I remember.

766. I was Pimp of the Year.

767. Now, this has really been an exciting competition.

768. Now we'd like to announce our two finalists.

769. But first, how about a big hand for all our contestants?

770. All right. There we go.

771. The final category is talent.

772. Representing the big apple, Flyguy!

773. I'm gonna try to do a little poetry for y'all.

774. It's an original piece written by me, Flyguy.

775. I want to dedicate this piece to all you players...

776. And all you ladies out there.

777. Come on, baby!

778. Name of this piece is called...

779. "My bitch better have my money."

780. My bitch better have my money...

781. through rain, sleet or snow.

782. - Brother's a Shakespeare! - My ho better have my money.

783. That boy's a genius! Tell it!

784. Not half, not some,

785. But all my cash.

786. Because if she don't,

787. I'm gonna put my foot dead in her ass.

788. The pimp of the year is Flyguy!

789. Flyguy! Flyguy!

790. I want some information about the operation.

791. Where it is, how big it is, how many places.

792. Ten years of conversations in this place, with these cats coming in and out,

793. You got the 4-1-1.

794. Okay, I can do that for you.

795. You gotta promise me y'all won't hassle me.

796. I'm goin' back out on the street...

797. And I'm takin' back what's mine,

798. And everything's gonna be just like it used to be.

799. I got no beef with you, Flyguy,

800. But I want Mr. Big.

801. Solid.

802. Oh, man.

803. It's so good to be off my feet, man. They been killin' me.

804. Hey, man, do you have to sing?

805. I told you my feet been killin' me, you don't even care.

806. Say, man, if you can't dig my melodious voice,

807. then just step on outside and walk on them precious, tender feet of yours.

808. Walk?

809. Man, I ain't walkin' nowhere, as bad as these bunions feel.

810. You must be crazy.

811. Let's go. Oh, here we go.

812. Shit. Man, I hate comin' into the city.

813. I'll get it nice and clean for you, man.

814. Let me get your window! Get off the goddamn car.

815. Hey! Oh, man!

816. Yeah, man, okay. I got it.

817. It's in my hands.

818. Yo, check out homeboy.

819. Say, dominic, brother's out there, huh?

820. Look at the fish in those shoes!

821. Girl, he must be a rock star.

822. This brother's walkin' on an aquarium.

823. Say, brother, do you get nosebleeds way up there?

824. Maybe it's his dinner.

825. Hey, homey, are you expectin' a flood?

826. Say, brother, you been shoppin' at the Goodwill?

827. Hey, brother, that's an endangered species.

828. He looks like a clown!

829. Where's the Mardi Gras?

830. Hey, Jack. All right.

831. You got the stuff? Yeah.

832. All cleaned and oiled.

833. Oh, yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful.

834. - Let's get it on. - Who are these guys?

835. That's my theme music. Every good hero should have some.

836. Hammer. Good to see you.

837. Slade. Slammer, glad you could make it.

838. Who are we waitin' on? Kung Fu Joe.

839. He'll be here in a minute.

840. Who is he?

841. This is Jack Spade, that new blood I was talkin' about.

842. What?

843. Yo, new blood, you ever kill a man before?

844. No.

845. You ever splatter a man's brains up against the wall?

846. No.

847. You ever took a big, shiny blade and just ripped a man from his ass to his appetite?

848. - No. - Then cut his balls off and made him squeal like a pig?

849. Hammer. Hammer! And then stuffed 'em in his mouth and...

850. Okay.

851. It's all right.

852. - Well, have you? - No, but I been trained to go out...

853. Hey, man, no way. This cat get all our asses killed.

854. Man, look at him. He look funny. Look how he's lookin' at us.

855. I can handle myself.

856. Oh, yeah?

857. What makes you think you can be a black hero?

858. I'm an ex-football player.

859. Hey! Kung Fu Joe. Oh, my brothers.

860. I see you started without me.

861. Hiii! How are you?

862. What's happenin'?

863. - Kung Fu! - My man! Hyah!

864. Hey, man, look, now that we're here, what's happenin'?

865. Here's the deal.

866. The first thing we do is disrupt Big's businesses. Break 'em all up.

867. The next thing is, we harass all of his people.

868. Now look, once the deal goes down, ain't no backin' off.

869. They killed my teacher! Why, why, why, why, why?

870. Teacher! Teacher!

871. Wow!

872. Master Lee was your kung fu teacher?

873. No. Acting.

874. Let's get that sucka.

875. All right, guys, this is it.

876. Mr. Big's hottest night spot.

877. Every criminal and major player in town is inside.

878. Gentlemen, you gotta have big hats to come in here.

879. That's the rules of the house.

880. I think you're gonna make an exception this time, brother.

881. All right, okay. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

882. Hey, are y'all crazy?

883. Don't you know this is Mr. Big's place?

884. Looks like you just lost your liquor license.

885. Everybody get your hands up,

886. Take that funky gold off your necks,

887. and put it on the table right now!

888. Let's go. Hurry up.

889. Okay, you guys, come out from under those hats.

890. Come on!

891. Wayne Evans!

892. The Evans Family!

893. Fifth grade!

894. I want my nickel! Give me my nickel back!

895. This is for your brother! Let's just say I ain't forgot! No! Come on, man!

896. I ain't forgot! I ain't forgot fifth grade!

897. Hey, man, from the waist down, you're mine!

898. Yeah? Get on a ladder and see how tough you are! Let me put you in a chair!

899. I was gonna buy a scooter pie with that money, man!

900. Jack, shut up! Shut up!

901. Now, all y'all listen up here!

902. Don't try to follow us, 'cause all your cars are on blocks.

903. But don't worry. The police'll be here to take y'all to jail.

904. And you tell the rest of your family, when I see 'em, they mine!

905. They mine!

906. And Lois Mitchell too!

907. Come out of there! Move it! Move it!

908. Let's go! Come on!

909. Come on, let's go! Move, move, move, move!

910. Let's go!

911. Let's go! Come on!

912. Get out of here!

913. Aaaaah!

914. I'm sorry. Excuse me.

915. - Can I get a little coffee? - Sure, just a moment. We got your greasy dairy.

916. Miss, I'd like a little coffee here, please!

917. I just want a little coffee.

918. These cramps are killing me.

919. I'd like a little coffee, please!

920. What are you, deaf? Can I get a little coffee? Please?

921. Cheryl, you okay?

922. I think I'd better go home.

923. - It's my time. - Girl, me too.

924. I'm gonna go and lay down. Okay?

925. I know exactly how you feel.

926. Be strong.

927. All right, sweet thing, it's time to come home to daddy.

928. Please, please, just leave me alone.

929. Bitch, I said you comin' with me.

930. Oh, shit! You must got the devil in you!

931. No!

932. Cramps!

933. I asked you nicely.

934. Now I'm going to rip your balls off!

935. You okay, Lenny?

936. Yeah. It's a good thing you came, boy.

937. Yeah, 'cause I heard you screamin' all the way down there.

938. I wasn't screamin'! All right?

939. - Yes, you was... - I said I wasn't screamin'.

940. - I was whistlin'. - You was what?

941. I was whistlin' for you!

942. You was whistlin', "Willie, help get this bitch off of me"?

943. Yeah!

944. Now get her butt in the car before she wake up again.

945. Nobody, but I mean nobody does this to me and lives.

946. Give me lieutenant Baker on the phone.

947. Leonard.

948. Take the girl to the hideout. Yes, Mr. Big.

949. - Lt. Baker is on the line. - Hello, Baker. This is Big.

950. What the hell happened last night?

951. That soldier boy and his goons hit every one of my operations.

952. He stole everyone's drugs, money and gold chains.

953. I want you to help me find those bastards that hit me and get rid of 'em!

954. How am I gonna do that? I'm a cop.

955. I don't give a damn how. Set 'em up or something. Just do it.

956. You wanna get out of the car?

957. What's the problem, officer?

958. Just step out of the car.

959. The door is ajar.

960. - Get your hands on the hood. - Please close the door.

961. Your door is ajar.

962. Look what we got here.

963. I said, close the door, shithead!

964. So you want to try and set me up, huh?

965. Your arm! Spare ribs! Have a nice nap!

966. Ohh, I'm gonna kick some ass now.

967. So, just you 57 punks against Kung Fu Joe?

968. Master of karate, kung fu, jujitsu...

969. And all other shit you ain't never heard of!

970. Hey! You boys goin' somewhere?

971. How come their guns are so much bigger than ours?

972. It's a phallic thing. I don't know.

973. Oh, no! Hey, what are you doing?

974. Get off of me!

975. Ohh! Oh, no!

976. Hey, sorry, man. I don't know that karate.

977. Me neither.

978. - You wanna fake it? - I don't care.

979. No! I didn't shoot you!

980. I could've shot you. I made sure that I missed. I did.

981. Wait a minute! Wait one minute!

982. You got a.45 revolver that holds six bullets.

983. I counted at least 20 shots, and you never reloaded.

984. - That's right. - Come on!

985. Hold it! Hold it, hold it, hold it.

986. Hold it. That's Big's nephew.

987. He just might come in handy.

988. You okay, man?

989. All that damn runnin', man, got my feet hurtin'.

990. But other than that, I'm all right.

991. We'd better go find Slade.

992. Five, four, three, two.

993. - Hello? - Slade?

994. - Yeah. - It's Joe.

995. I've come to warn you...

996. They tried to ambush me.

997. And now they're going to try and ambush you...

998. and the brothers.

999. I fooled you. I'm not home right now.

1000. - Leave your name and number. I'll call you back. - Say what?

1001. - Thanks for calling. Bye. - He ain't home?

1002. Aw, homey ain't home.

1003. - I've gotta find Cheryl. - And just how you plan on doin' that?

1004. We don't even know where they're holdin' her.

1005. Yeah? Well, I bet my man over here does.

1006. Well, I'm glad you finally figured something out, G.I. Joe.

1007. But I'm not tellin' you shit. So how you like me now?

1008. Yes, you will.

1009. Well, my pretty,

1010. Soon it'll be you and me.

1011. By midnight, your lover and his friends will be dead...

1012. and you will be Mr. Big's big moneymaker.

1013. Yes, you will.

1014. Hey, man, are you sure you got enough?

1015. You can never have enough, brother.

1016. Whoa!

1017. Oh, Jesus! My nuts!

1018. Oooh!

1019. Hammer! Hammer! Are you all right, man?

1020. Did we get that son of a bitch?

1021. Hold on, brother. We got an ambulance on the way.

1022. Let's get that sucka!

1023. You think I'm cute?

1024. Uh-uh.

1025. I'm cute, right?

1026. Mm-hmm. I'm cuter than Jack?

1027. There she is!

1028. There's only a few guys guarding her, but I don't see Mr. Big.

1029. Let me see it.

1030. Yeah. Hmm.

1031. Look, here's the plan.

1032. I'll take this rope and repel down the wall over there,

1033. take one of these bombs, crash through the window causing a diversion.

1034. Once I'm inside, Jack, you go through that window,

1035. and Slammer, go through that door.

1036. How come I can't go through the window? I never get to no more.

1037. Well, pardon fuckin' me, then.

1038. Okay, you crash through the goddamn window,

1039. and Jack, you go through the door.

1040. Got it.

1041. I'll start at the top, you get at the bottom, and if we're lucky we'll survive this.

1042. Lift! Ohh!

1043. Give me a hand.

1044. You farted?

1045. Slade! Slade, come in!

1046. You ready?

1047. Nobody move!

1048. Are you all right?

1049. Man, I'm all right. It's been a long time. I'm just a little rusty.

1050. Aaah!

1051. Weasel... What?

1052. What happened to you, Weasel?

1053. Soldier boy!

1054. Oh, damn! The soldier boy is here, man!

1055. Jack! I'm hit!

1056. Shit. You okay?

1057. I'm hit.

1058. Where you... Where you hit at?

1059. In my foot.

1060. Oh, my god.

1061. They shot me in my bunion, man.

1062. Damn, man, I can't go on.

1063. W-well, what am I gon' do?

1064. Get 'em for me, Jack.

1065. I c... But I can't! I can't go alone!

1066. You're down, and Slade's not here!

1067. I c...

1068. Slade!

1069. Ain't nobody shootin' my baby.

1070. Ma! Ma, you promised!

1071. Shh! I know I promised. What am I supposed to do, stand by while they kill you?

1072. - Let's get out of here. Follow me. - No, you follow me.

1073. - Follow me! - I don't care who follows who.

1074. If y'all step on my bunion, I'll kill both of you.

1075. - You gon' be okay, man? - I'll be okay.

1076. I can do it, man.

1077. I won't let you down.

1078. You gotta put that foot in some epsom salts, get that swellin' outta there.

1079. - Come on, mama! - Let's get outta here.

1080. Through that door! Go, go, go!

1081. Open this door!

1082. Jack, let me outta here! Jack!

1083. Jack! Jack! Let me outta here!

1084. Open this door! Slade? Anybody!

1085. Jack!

1086. Jack!

1087. Jack!

1088. Aaah! My eyes!

1089. My eyes! My eyes!

1090. Aaah! Aaah!

1091. Aaah!

1092. Get me outta here! I missed you too, muffin.

1093. Oh, this? This hurt real bad.

1094. But I'm okay, you know.

1095. All right, soldier boy. Party's over, baby. Where you want your bullet?

1096. Where you want it?

1097. Chill it, brother.

1098. I wouldn't do that if I was you... Chump.

1099. Man, I don't know who you are, but I owe you one.

1100. Now, you... Where's Big?

1101. Forget about Big. Grab the chick. Let's split.

1102. Not so fast, boys!

1103. Nobody moves, or the girl gets it first.

1104. Get over there!

1105. You? You're Mr. Big?

1106. - But I thought you were... - What?

1107. Above playing an exploitation villain? Well, you're wrong!

1108. Lots of famous people have done exploitation movies.

1109. Uh, Shelley Winters was in, uh...

1110. Cleopatra Jones. Mm-Hmm!

1111. Uh, Angie Dickinson.

1112. - Uh, Big Bad Mama! - Big Bad Mama.

1113. - Jamie Lee Curtis? - Uh...

1114. Halloween! Right, right, right!

1115. And now I'm Mr. Big.

1116. And I'm sorry, boys,

1117. But there ain't gonna be a sequel to this one.

1118. Don't try it, Big.

1119. I got you, sucka.

1120. You did it, Jack.

1121. You did it.

1122. Yeah. Yeah, I did it.

1123. Let's go home.

1124. Okay.

1125. - What about him? - Ah, let him go.

1126. Hey, thanks, man.

1127. I promise, man, I'm gon' go straight.

1128. - Yeah, well, you know there's two ways out of here. - Oh, man!

1129. All y'all just kiss my natural black ass!

1130. Didn't he know about the elevator?

1131. Okay, let's go!

1132. Let's move it! Move it!

1133. Watch your head.

1134. Looks like I'd better go check my flypaper, see what's stickin'.

1135. You owe me one.

1136. And you got it.

1137. Get in that car! Watch your head.

1138. Hey, Peterson, clear this mess up. You got it.

1139. What about Hammer and Slammer?

1140. Hammer'll be all right. A few flesh wounds.

1141. It seems that bullets have a difficult time finding his vital parts.

1142. And Slammer, well, it'll be a while before he wears any tight shoes.

1143. Jack! Jack Spade! I will never forgive you for lockin' me in that closet.

1144. How could you do that to your mama? Huh? How could you?

1145. M-ma, now listen. I can ex... You can explain?

1146. Explain how I laid up in that hospital for 36 hours in labor, tryin' to give birth to you!

1147. I almost died.

1148. Explain how I sacrificed my entire life for you, tryin' to raise you right!

1149. Explain! Bell. Bell.

1150. I told him to do it.

1151. How could you, Slade?

1152. Because I love you, and I wanted to make sure we'd be together again.

1153. Oh, Slade. Oh, baby.

1154. - Yo, Jack, what's up, man? - Yo, B.D.P.

1155. Jack, who are these guys?

1156. That's my theme music.

1157. Every good hero should have some.

1158. See you around.