1. extracted and edited by rogardCopy !req
2. Nice weather we're having, huh?Copy !req
3. Here in the kingdom of Malaria,Copy !req
4. every day's forecast is rainy
with a 100% chance of horror.Copy !req
5. It wasn't always like this, though.Copy !req
6. Years ago, Malaria was
a sunny land of farmers.Copy !req
7. Until the mysterious storm clouds
rolled in and never left.Copy !req
8. They killed our crops,
and our people became poor.Copy !req
9. And that's when King Malbert...Copy !req
10. thought up a new way
for us to make money,Copy !req
11. Evil Inventions.Copy !req
12. The kind that crush you, kill you,
bring you back to life,Copy !req
13. then kill you again,
way worse.Copy !req
14. We invent them, and the world
pays us not to unleash them.Copy !req
15. Oh, It's a great gig, especially
if you're an Evil Scientist.Copy !req
16. Fame, fortune,
a rent-free castle in the hills.Copy !req
17. They get it all.
They're the top of the heap.Copy !req
18. Igor! Pull the switch!Copy !req
19. Yes, Master!Copy !req
20. And the bottom of the heap?
Those are the poor slobs like me,Copy !req
21. born with a hunch on our back, Igors.Copy !req
22. Actually, that Igor's not me.Copy !req
23. Igor! Pull the switch!Copy !req
24. Yes, Master!Copy !req
25. No, no, no,
that's not me, either.Copy !req
26. That's me. See?
I look nothing like those other guys,Copy !req
27. much better-looking.Copy !req
28. Anyway, all Igors are forced
to serve Evil Scientists.Copy !req
29. Our life is a permanent graveyard shift.Copy !req
30. But I never wanted to be an Igor.Copy !req
31. I always wanted to be
an Evil Scientist.Copy !req
32. Unfortunately, the hunch on my
back was a one-way ticketCopy !req
33. to Igor School.Copy !req
34. I majored in Talking With a Slur
and graduated with a Yes Masters Degree.Copy !req
35. Then, it was off to find a job.Copy !req
36. Hi, I'm here about the "Igor Wanted" ad.
My name's Igor.Copy !req
37. Well, of course it is.
I've got a hunch on my back.Copy !req
38. What's my name gonna be? Kevin?Copy !req
39. They didn't
appreciate my creative style.Copy !req
40. But eventually, I landed a job
for Dr. Glickenstein.Copy !req
41. Pull the switch!Copy !req
42. Not the smartest scientist.Copy !req
43. His last invention was an Evil Lasagna.Copy !req
44. It didn't kill anyone.
And it actually tasted pretty good.Copy !req
45. Igor!Copy !req
46. Igors aren't allowed to invent,Copy !req
47. but I still manage to work
on my own inventions in secret.Copy !req
48. And this new one is gonna be
the one that provesCopy !req
49. that I'm the biggest Evil Genius
of them all, and not just another...Copy !req
50. Igor!Copy !req
51. Once they see what I can do,
I'll have a whole new life,Copy !req
52. and I'll never have to answer
to another master again.Copy !req
53. Sorry Master.
What did you say?Copy !req
54. Oh! I mean...Copy !req
55. Sorry, Master.
I was in the bathroom.Copy !req
56. Had a bat stuck in the belfry,
if you know what I mean, Master.Copy !req
57. I don't want to hear your
toilet memoirs, you cretin!Copy !req
58. I give you five minutes a week
to take care of your business.Copy !req
59. I'm not running a resort here!Copy !req
60. Now get over there and...Copy !req
61. Pull the switch!Copy !req
62. Yes, Master!Copy !req
63. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
64. Yes!Copy !req
65. Who's the failure now, Mother?Copy !req
66. Mummy, Mummy, you were right!Copy !req
67. I was never meant to be a scientist.Copy !req
68. I should have been a plumber like you!Copy !req
69. That was the first time
he was right all day.Copy !req
70. You! Go find me a 16-gigawatt
temporal transducer!Copy !req
71. Excuse me, Master, are you sure
you don't mean 21-gigawatt?Copy !req
72. You're correcting me?Copy !req
73. Strike!Copy !req
74. I should do more improv.Copy !req
75. My hunch.Copy !req
76. Oh, there she goes. Much better.Copy !req
77. Good evening, friends!Copy !req
78. That's Scamper,
one of my most successful inventions.Copy !req
79. I made him immortal.Copy !req
80. Which is kind of a hassle for him,
since he doesn't want to live.Copy !req
81. Will nothing end this vicious cycle?Copy !req
82. I also made him talk.Copy !req
83. Which is a hassle for me,
since he never shuts up.Copy !req
84. No fair!Copy !req
85. You wasted your immortality formula
on the wrong guy, Igor.Copy !req
86. That's Brain, one
of my other inventions.Copy !req
87. Legend has it when the smartest
man in the world died,Copy !req
88. they put his brain in a jar.Copy !req
89. This is not that brain.Copy !req
90. I wanna live forever!
I got plans! And dreams!Copy !req
91. I got a squeaky wheel!
Was that me?Copy !req
92. Really, Brain?Copy !req
93. You want to be trapped in an
endless existential nightmare,Copy !req
94. forced to keep living,Copy !req
95. even though life is meaninglessCopy !req
96. and nothing matters?Copy !req
97. Possibly.Copy !req
98. What exactly did you say?Copy !req
99. Too bad he wasted his intelligence
formula on me, too, Brain.Copy !req
100. Or should I say "Brian"?Copy !req
101. Hey! I was in a hurry!Copy !req
102. Stupid permanent marker.Copy !req
103. Enough.Copy !req
104. The Evil Science Fair is in a week,Copy !req
105. and Glickenstein is gonna lose again.Copy !req
106. Okay, I get it.
You want me to fix his invention.Copy !req
107. Now I'll just need a screwdriver,
some nails and my bag of marbles.Copy !req
108. Don't touch his invention, Brain.Copy !req
109. Fine! You don't want the
benefit of my brain power?Copy !req
110. Then, farewell, Igor.Copy !req
111. Like a gentle fawn,
I shall leave this meadow.Copy !req
112. On second thought
maybe I'll stick around,Copy !req
113. so I can watch Mr. Smarty-hunchCopy !req
114. fix Glickenstein's invention.Copy !req
115. I could! But you know
what would happen if I did!Copy !req
116. The same thing he'd do if he
found out I invented you two.Copy !req
117. He'd recycle me.Copy !req
118. Can you imagine being chopped up
and used for body partsCopy !req
119. and God knows what else?Copy !req
120. Horrible.Copy !req
121. Dang it!
Still here.Copy !req
122. If I had my shot,Copy !req
123. I could be one of the greatest
Evil Scientists Malaria has ever seen.Copy !req
124. They'd all cheer my nameCopy !req
125. just like they do for the
great Dr. Schadenfreude!Copy !req
126. And now your
master of disaster, the chief of grief,Copy !req
127. a man who needs no introduction,Copy !req
128. but who will brutally
torture me if he doesn't get one,Copy !req
129. Dr. Schadenfreude!Copy !req
130. Thank you thank you.
You're too kindCopy !req
131. And I'm not.Copy !req
132. But I want to welcome you all to my
annual pre-Evil Science Fair party.Copy !req
133. My girlfriend Jaclyn.Copy !req
134. You know, she may seem likeCopy !req
135. a shallow, conniving wretch...Copy !req
136. That's all I got.
That pretty much sums her up.Copy !req
137. A toast to the undefeated winner
of 17 Evil Science FairsCopy !req
138. and the greatest Evil
Genius in the world.Copy !req
139. Bow for the King!Copy !req
140. "The greatest Evil
Genius in the world. "Copy !req
141. I remember when people
used to call me that.Copy !req
142. Back when the clouds destroyed
our peaceful land of farmers,Copy !req
143. and my plan to blackmail
the world saved us allCopy !req
144. Yes, as you've told us all
over and over and over.Copy !req
145. Yeah, well, here's more.Copy !req
146. Did you know that years ago,
Schoddy's family name was Poekelmacher?Copy !req
147. His family were pickle-makers.Copy !req
148. So, what's your Evil Invention
this year, Doctor, kosher or dill?Copy !req
149. I want to shove a pickle
right where the sun don't shine.Copy !req
150. You mean Malaria, Master?Copy !req
151. No matter how many
Evil Science Fairs I win,Copy !req
152. I always have to bow
down to that idiot.Copy !req
153. I will never get the respect he gets!Copy !req
154. Respect? Respect isn't gonna
keep me in baby-seal boots.Copy !req
155. You just need to keep on winningCopy !req
156. Well, that is spoken
like a true worthless leech,Copy !req
157. who, by the way still has not helped
me steal this year's winning invention.Copy !req
158. You know, maybe if you
were a real scientist,Copy !req
159. you wouldn't need
me to help you cheat every year.Copy !req
160. Your whole lab is fake,Copy !req
161. just like you.Copy !req
162. And maybe I should throw you
back in the gutter where I found you!Copy !req
163. You're one to talk,
Dr. Schadenfraude!Copy !req
164. You don't have the guts.Copy !req
165. Is Daddy still mad at me?Copy !req
166. No.Copy !req
167. But you and your friend HeidiCopy !req
168. still have a little job to do.Copy !req
169. Oh, we're trying.Copy !req
170. Well, try a little bit harder!Copy !req
171. Because this year,Copy !req
172. I won't stop at just winning
the Evil Science Fair.Copy !req
173. I'm gonna unleash my winning inventionCopy !req
174. on the King's smug little face,Copy !req
175. and then he'll be the one
groveling at my feet!Copy !req
176. Hi there.Copy !req
177. Look, it's your
little girlfriend, Heidi.Copy !req
178. You take a cocoa break,Copy !req
179. and I'll guard your plans
for your new invention.Copy !req
180. No, wait! You'll spill on my plans.Copy !req
181. Heidi, you're not careful enough!Copy !req
182. You're so sloppy sometimes.Copy !req
183. Oh, poopshkin.Copy !req
184. I went to the evil bookstore
and got you an inspirational poster.Copy !req
185. It's a little kitten!Copy !req
186. To remind you to always take time
in your day for a little torture.Copy !req
187. My transducer!Copy !req
188. Time to go.
I have no time for cocoa or kittens!Copy !req
189. I have to work on my plans
alone and in secret.Copy !req
190. In other words, bon voyage.Copy !req
191. Who doesn't like tortured kittens?Copy !req
192. I...
I like kittens.Copy !req
193. I don't like dirty little hunchpeople.Copy !req
194. Great, Schadenfreude's gonna kil me.Copy !req
195. And why are there two transducers?Copy !req
196. Master, the 21-gigawatt
might be somewhat safer, I think.Copy !req
197. Think? Igors don't think.Copy !req
198. I'm using the 16-gigawatt, you fool!Copy !req
199. Now get over there and pull the switch!Copy !req
200. What are you waiting for?Copy !req
201. Yes, Master!Copy !req
202. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
203. Yes!Copy !req
204. I told you the 16 would work, you Igor.Copy !req
205. Behold my rocket ship!Copy !req
206. Born to stream through the world,Copy !req
207. unleashing pain and misery on everyone.Copy !req
208. I named her after you, Mother.Copy !req
209. Now to take the old
cow for a test drive.Copy !req
210. No, Master!
The rocket is going to...Copy !req
211. Uh... Yeah that.Copy !req
212. Finally.Copy !req
213. Now I can throw out that rug
in the foyer. That thing is hideous.Copy !req
214. We were all thinking it.
I just said it.Copy !req
215. Oh, no, who's that?
What am I gonna do?Copy !req
216. Relax, this is Glickenstein's castle.Copy !req
217. And he doesn't have
to open that door for anyone.Copy !req
218. Open for the King!Copy !req
219. Except for the King.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
220. He's here to see Glickenstein!
What do I tell him?Copy !req
221. Tell him the truth.
And if he kills us,Copy !req
222. I'll come back
and give you a beautiful funeral.Copy !req
223. Right, right. The truth,
that's a good option. Right, right.Copy !req
224. Glicky!
Glicky, my boy.Copy !req
225. Where's Glicky?Copy !req
226. Your Highness, he's gone.Copy !req
227. Curse it, I need to see his invention.Copy !req
228. Schadenfreude is getting too popular.Copy !req
229. The people might make him king.Copy !req
230. Someone has to beat him this year,Copy !req
231. with an invention more evil than his.Copy !req
232. Someone who can snatch
Schadenfreude's number one positionCopy !req
233. and rub his face in number two!Copy !req
234. Ew...Copy !req
235. Your Highness,
Dr. Glickenstein is...Copy !req
236. creating life!Copy !req
237. Did you say "life"?Copy !req
238. Yes.Copy !req
239. Thinking, breathing life that can
destroy freely all on its own.Copy !req
240. No Evil Scientist has ever
been able to create lifeCopy !req
241. Oh, sure they've mutated life.Copy !req
242. They've ended life.Copy !req
243. They've blasted life into
a million gooey pieces.Copy !req
244. But created life?Copy !req
245. A weapon like that would be
the greatest Evil Invention of all time.Copy !req
246. And its inventor the
greatest Evil Scientist of all time?Copy !req
247. Of course!
This is what I've been waiting for.Copy !req
248. And it's your job to make sure
nothing happens to Glickenstein,Copy !req
249. or I'll throw
you down the recycling chuteCopy !req
250. and use your hunch as a speed bump!Copy !req
251. Oh, this is big.
Schadenfreude's winning streak is over.Copy !req
252. Come on boys!
Let's go kick some old people.Copy !req
253. Ow! What is wrong with you?Copy !req
254. That's for having a death wish.
That's my thing.Copy !req
255. I am not gonna die, Scamper.Copy !req
256. For the first time ever,Copy !req
257. I'm gonna live!Copy !req
258. I sometimes come down here to think.Copy !req
259. Wow, how interesting.Copy !req
260. What's next?
You're gonna pull out a guitarCopy !req
261. and play us a song you wrote
in college about being misunderstood?Copy !req
262. I know, right?
And she's not even done yet.Copy !req
263. Baby, baby, it looks
like it's gonna hailCopy !req
264. Baby, baby, it looks
like it's gonna hailCopy !req
265. You better come insideCopy !req
266. Let me teach you how to jive and wailCopy !req
267. Come on, bigger.
Do it. Come on, make it bigger.Copy !req
268. Bigger!Copy !req
269. Okay to the left. Very good.
Now back to the right.Copy !req
270. No, no, no!Copy !req
271. To the left, now back to the right.
To the right. To the right.Copy !req
272. Is that even her hand?Copy !req
273. And now to make her
skin indestructible.Copy !req
274. You gotta jump, jive,
and then you wailCopy !req
275. You gotta jump, jive,
and then you wailCopy !req
276. You gotta jump, jive,
and then you wailCopy !req
277. Did you see that?
Shoot him again.Copy !req
278. And now, the crucial last piece,Copy !req
279. the source of all, the Monster's power,Copy !req
280. the Evil Bone.Copy !req
281. I have to hurry.
It loses its power in the light.Copy !req
282. That's it.Copy !req
283. Only one thing left to do.Copy !req
284. He said "do. "Copy !req
285. Pull the switch!Copy !req
286. Do not yell at me.Copy !req
287. Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just...Copy !req
288. Pull the switch.Copy !req
289. Please pull the switch.Copy !req
290. That's better.Copy !req
291. Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Why does he get to pull the switch?Copy !req
292. Because I'm not an idiot, Brian.Copy !req
293. My name is not Brian!Copy !req
294. Then you must have his jar.Copy !req
295. Stop! You can both pull the switch.Copy !req
296. On the count of three. One.Copy !req
297. Hey! No fair!
You said we could both pull the...Copy !req
298. Rise!Copy !req
299. Rise!Copy !req
300. I...Copy !req
301. I don't believe it.Copy !req
302. I'm a failure.
I'm a...Copy !req
303. I'm an Igor.Copy !req
304. Get rid of that thing.Copy !req
305. I never want to see it again.Copy !req
306. Funny you should say that.Copy !req
307. Uh... Igor? Yeah.
Where did the monster go?Copy !req
308. I don't know, Brain.Copy !req
309. May I suggest looking behind you?Copy !req
310. It was just a suggestion.Copy !req
311. Maybe it just spontaneously combusted?Copy !req
312. Oh, yeah sure.
I've read about that in...Copy !req
313. Who am I kidding?
I can't read!Copy !req
314. And just like that she
was out of their lives.Copy !req
315. I did it. I...Copy !req
316. I created life.Copy !req
317. Has that hole always been there?Copy !req
318. Come on!Copy !req
319. Let me get this straightCopy !req
320. We are chasing after the
bloodthirsty monster?Copy !req
321. "Home For Blind Orphans. "Copy !req
322. Oh God, she's killing blind orphans!Copy !req
323. That's so evil!
I mean, which is great, but...Copy !req
324. Blind orphans!Copy !req
325. I wanna go next.Copy !req
326. Me, me, pick me!Copy !req
327. I wonder what diabolical deed
she has planned next.Copy !req
328. Piggyback rides?Copy !req
329. It's my turn!
I wanna go next!Copy !req
330. I wanna go next!Copy !req
331. Me! Me! Pick me!
Me! Me!Copy !req
332. Blind orphans get everything!Copy !req
333. AhCopy !req
334. Your very large friend is a sweetheart.Copy !req
335. No, she's not.Copy !req
336. I am your master,
and I command youCopy !req
337. to stop this gesture
of goodwill right nowCopy !req
338. and put them down.Copy !req
339. Down!Copy !req
340. Okay, now you're gonna
march right back toCopy !req
341. the castle, got it?Copy !req
342. Oh, he's dead!Copy !req
343. Those are paper flowers
the orphans sell.Copy !req
344. Sounds like someone likes them.Copy !req
345. You touch it,
you buy it!Copy !req
346. Master!Copy !req
347. I looked inside Dr Glickenstein's castleCopy !req
348. and didn't see anyone.Copy !req
349. But that's not all...Copy !req
350. Yes, it is,
because your voice is annoying.Copy !req
351. Now, to break into
Glickenstein's castleCopy !req
352. and steal the plans
like Heid failed to do.Copy !req
353. What did this?Copy !req
354. I'm guessing something big.
Something like this.Copy !req
355. Life? Glickenstein invented ife?Copy !req
356. I don't think he had a hand in it.Copy !req
357. Well, if he's toast,Copy !req
358. who invented that?Copy !req
359. I don't believe it.Copy !req
360. Wow,Copy !req
361. so not only is every other
Evil Scientist smarter than you,Copy !req
362. and Igor is, too?Copy !req
363. Ouch!Copy !req
364. Smart is not mouthing offCopy !req
365. to the man who has just found
his way to take the throne.Copy !req
366. Oh, baby, won't you please come home?Copy !req
367. 'Cause your little daddy's
gonna be all aloneCopy !req
368. She must be making a club
of flowers to smash us with.Copy !req
369. This must be very
embarrassing for you.Copy !req
370. I never thought that we could partCopy !req
371. For every hour in the day
you can hear me sayCopy !req
372. Baby, won't you please come home?
I need you, I need youCopy !req
373. Okay clearly her
Evil Bone wasn't activatedCopy !req
374. when she came to life. That's it.Copy !req
375. Ooh! I have an idea!Copy !req
376. Is it about this situation?Copy !req
377. No.Copy !req
378. Is it even an idea?Copy !req
379. Is French fries an idea?Copy !req
380. So, how do you activate it?Copy !req
381. We need to kick-start it.Copy !req
382. We need to get her to
commit one act of evil.Copy !req
383. She wouldn't hurt a fly.Copy !req
384. Okay. Monster,Copy !req
385. I command you to kill that fly.Copy !req
386. Kill it! Kill it!Copy !req
387. Kill it, girl!
Come on! You're a killer!Copy !req
388. Maim it! Wound it! Insult it!Copy !req
389. Something!
Kill it! Kill it!Copy !req
390. Kill, kill, kill!Copy !req
391. You were saying?Copy !req
392. No, no, no!
You're evil!Copy !req
393. Evil!Copy !req
394. Evil!Copy !req
395. E...Copy !req
396. Eva.Copy !req
397. What? No, you're not Eva.Copy !req
398. Eva. Eva.Copy !req
399. What now, genius?Copy !req
400. Well, thank you for asking.
What we're going to do...Copy !req
401. Go soak your brain, Brian.Copy !req
402. That's actually not a bad idea.Copy !req
403. Monster want a brain wash?Copy !req
404. Next!Copy !req
405. Hi, I'd like to...Copy !req
406. Hey, who you talking to?
I'm the head guy here!Copy !req
407. Oh, excuse me. Sorry.Copy !req
408. What the heck is that?Copy !req
409. It's my Aunt Eva.Copy !req
410. She's getting a little
sweet in her old ageCopy !req
411. so I'd like to,
I don't know, evil her up a bit.Copy !req
412. "Sunday Night Massacre. " No.
"Arsonist. "Copy !req
413. Gee, they all look so good.Copy !req
414. How about the "Axe Murderer" brain wash?Copy !req
415. Oh! She must be very special to you.Copy !req
416. Hey! Don't touch that!
It s a very complicated system!Copy !req
417. One wrong button and you'll just
be watching regular cableCopy !req
418. You wanna waste your
nephew's money like that? Huh? Huh?Copy !req
419. Gosh I feel like I'm sending my kidCopy !req
420. off to school for the first time.Copy !req
421. You know, to learn how to murder.Copy !req
422. Hi. How are you?
Great wings.Copy !req
423. Listen, could you squeeze me in
for a brain wash, too?Copy !req
424. A nice thorough scrubbing.Copy !req
425. What are you?
An imbecile?Copy !req
426. Oh, parlez Italian?
Taco grande to meet you.Copy !req
427. Yeah. Take Brian to Room Number 4.Copy !req
428. "Wish you weren't there.Copy !req
429. "This card teleports your enemy to you
so you can destroy him in person. "Copy !req
430. Call me old-fashioned,Copy !req
431. but what happened to cards
that just blew your head off?Copy !req
432. Just think Scamper.
In a few short moments,Copy !req
433. I'm gonna have the most
Evil Invention of all time.Copy !req
434. It's my whole life savings,
but I think I'm going to treat myself.Copy !req
435. Oh, my hunch.Copy !req
436. "Happy Mother's Day. 'Copy !req
437. See, that's what I'm talking about.
Simple, elegant, classic.Copy !req
438. You've seen a lot of brains I'm sure.Copy !req
439. Mine's bigger than average, right? No?Copy !req
440. Hello? Can you even talk?Copy !req
441. Canadians.
I'll just watch TV.Copy !req
442. Whoops!Copy !req
443. Butterfingers.Copy !req
444. Oh. Great. Hold on.Copy !req
445. And it's cold, it's cold,
it's cold, it's cold, it's cold.Copy !req
446. Hey, Monster,
can I borrow your remote?Copy !req
447. Thank you.Copy !req
448. Oh, come on!Copy !req
449. Let's do the twist
Around and around and aroundCopy !req
450. Stupid remote!Copy !req
451. To plumb the depths of
Blanche DuBois in StreetcarCopy !req
452. is the ultimate challenge
for any modern actress.Copy !req
453. Well, our evil bun should be
out of the oven soon.Copy !req
454. Estephan, you're a magician!Copy !req
455. What's that smell?Copy !req
456. My new air freshener,
"Dead Dog. " Jealous?Copy !req
457. I don't hear anything.Copy !req
458. I think it worked.Copy !req
459. Maybe they did too much?Copy !req
460. Oh. Was it?Copy !req
461. Was I too much?
I was pushing, wasn't I?Copy !req
462. It was only a vocal exercise,
but that is a beginner's mistakeCopy !req
463. I have to own that.
That's just where I am.Copy !req
464. If only I knew whether
I had the "it" factor.Copy !req
465. But how can you know?
I mean, you can't learn that,Copy !req
466. you just have to be born with it.Copy !req
467. Oh listen to me going on
and on about me me, me.Copy !req
468. Let's talk about you, Igor.
Do you think I have "it"?Copy !req
469. Let's thank our guest who
has taught us in one hour,Copy !req
470. a lifetime worth of lessons in acting.Copy !req
471. Acting?Copy !req
472. Who changed the channel?Copy !req
473. Wait, where's the remote?Copy !req
474. Move it!
I need this room.Copy !req
475. No, no, no. Wait!
We need to unbrainwash her!Copy !req
476. No can do, pal.Copy !req
477. Every wash comes with a sealant
guaranteed to last a lifetime.Copy !req
478. In other words, buzz off!Copy !req
479. Okay, things to do,
sign up for yoga classesCopy !req
480. get new headshots, adopt children
from all over the world.Copy !req
481. Oh! time for my elocution exercises.Copy !req
482. I need a box of biscuits.
I need a box of biscuits.Copy !req
483. It's just failure after failure.Copy !req
484. After failure,
after failure...Copy !req
485. Oh, sorry, I thought we were
counting off all your failures.Copy !req
486. Biscuit mixer, a box of mix...Copy !req
487. A box of mixed biscuits
and a biscuit mixer.Copy !req
488. I need a box...Copy !req
489. Stop the carriage!Copy !req
490. Ow!Copy !req
491. What? What's the matter?Copy !req
492. I don't mean to be a prima donna,
but I think I need a bigger trailer.Copy !req
493. After failure, after
failure, after failure...Copy !req
494. After failure, after failure...Copy !req
495. That monster is about to be mine.Copy !req
496. Oh, really? How?Copy !req
497. Well, with a little something I
just stole for the occasion, okay?Copy !req
498. Practice poses for the red carpet,Copy !req
499. become an environmentalist,
but still fly private when necessary.Copy !req
500. A Shrink, Ray? Oh, that's a genius'
plan for stealing a monster.Copy !req
501. Hey! I don't come down
to where you work and...Copy !req
502. Oh, that's right, you don't work!
So shut your cake hole, darling!Copy !req
503. Now to shrink Igor
and steal his monster.Copy !req
504. Oh, God. Did I hit it?
Did I hit it? I hope I didn't hit it!Copy !req
505. You, sir, put the
"Evil" in "Evil Scientist. "Copy !req
506. Here we go.Copy !req
507. What the...?Copy !req
508. Hold on! Pull over.
I'm getting jar sick!Copy !req
509. Someone's trying to shoot us!Copy !req
510. Paparazzi! Why can't those
vultures leave me a one?Copy !req
511. This has totally
ruined my spa day.Copy !req
512. To the right!Copy !req
513. To the right!Copy !req
514. This is the worst
car service I have ever used!Copy !req
515. Now I get to watch you die.Copy !req
516. Hold on!Copy !req
517. Brake. Brake!Copy !req
518. Uh-oh!Copy !req
519. Put the brake on, you...Copy !req
520. Okay.Copy !req
521. Fire the rocket booster!Copy !req
522. I can't see who it is!Copy !req
523. Here I come!Copy !req
524. Oh! My beautiful face.Copy !req
525. No more Doctor. Don't Kill Anybody!Copy !req
526. We're not gonna make it!
We're not gonna make it!Copy !req
527. If only you'd made
yourself indestructible!Copy !req
528. Indestructible.
Indestructible.Copy !req
529. Who wants to be a big movie star?Copy !req
530. Me! Me! I do.Copy !req
531. This would be the right time
to curb your suicidal tendencies.Copy !req
532. BRAIN
Hey! I can see my room from here.Copy !req
533. Go away! Look,
I'm very important.Copy !req
534. Ew! What's that smell?Copy !req
535. Oh, yes, wait, it is the big,
whopping stench of failure.Copy !req
536. Ironically, at an inch tall, you still
have the biggest mouth in Malaria.Copy !req
537. Thank you.Copy !req
538. You're very welcome.Copy !req
539. You saved my life.Copy !req
540. As an actor, I feel things very deeply,
and I treasure all of life.Copy !req
541. FIY, it is actually me
you should thank.Copy !req
542. I was the one who changed the
channel on her brain wash.Copy !req
543. - What?
- Yep,Copy !req
544. and if she had been evil,
she would have let us all die.Copy !req
545. So technically,
I'm the one who saved us.Copy !req
546. But no need to thank me.Copy !req
547. Actually, a "thank you" would be nice.Copy !req
548. It could be in the form of
a card or a poem, your choice.Copy !req
549. I a so like ponies.Copy !req
550. An axe?Copy !req
551. I don't want an axe. That's crazy.Copy !req
552. Why would you offer me an axe?Copy !req
553. You made my monster an actress!Copy !req
554. This is why people
are afraid of hunchbacks!Copy !req
555. This. Right here!Copy !req
556. Oh! What play are they rehearsing?Copy !req
557. Brain-Dead.Copy !req
558. Don't let him kill me!
It's gonna be a smash.Copy !req
559. Don't let him kill me!Copy !req
560. The only thing killed here is my dream.Copy !req
561. Bravo! Bravo!Copy !req
562. Huh?Copy !req
563. Oh, you guys are so lucky to have work.Copy !req
564. If only I had a role I could
really sink my teeth into.Copy !req
565. Eva, you're in luck.Copy !req
566. In four days, there is
an audition for the leadCopy !req
567. in the biggest play
to hit Malaria since...Copy !req
568. The Desperate Hunchback
Who Grasped at Straws?Copy !req
569. Seriously, Eva,
this could be your big break!Copy !req
570. Oh, my gosh! I don't believe it!
What play is it?Copy !req
571. Play? What play is it?Copy !req
572. Is it Annie?Copy !req
573. Annie?Copy !req
574. So many terrific girls
got their start playing Annie.Copy !req
575. Yes, that's it!
It's Annie!Copy !req
576. So it's actually a musical?Copy !req
577. I think I just wet myself.Copy !req
578. Someone can sing!Copy !req
579. Gosh! Me trying out for Annie,Copy !req
580. the plucky orphan whose song of hope
lifts the heart of a weary nation?Copy !req
581. Yeah. Except in this version,
Annie goes nutsCopy !req
582. and battles a bunch of Evil InventionsCopy !req
583. in deadly hand-to-hand combat.Copy !req
584. Wow. How avant-garde.Copy !req
585. Yeah. Trust me.
You were born to be in this production.Copy !req
586. The sun'll come out tomorrowCopy !req
587. Bet your...Copy !req
588. No, you missed it, again.Copy !req
589. Excuse me, Igor, but I think
you're supposed to say "cut. "Copy !req
590. That's for film.Copy !req
591. Film?Copy !req
592. Can you imagine a face
like that on a 40-foot screen?Copy !req
593. All right, all right.
Now, listen, Eva...Copy !req
594. Excuse me, Igor,
I'm a little distracted.Copy !req
595. What?Copy !req
596. I think the makeup girl
is out to get me.Copy !req
597. No, that's Brain. And he's not
the makeup girl, he's the idiot.Copy !req
598. Now try to remember
on the word "tomorrow,"Copy !req
599. you re supposed to crush the
Evil Invention to your left!Copy !req
600. You mean "stage left. "Copy !req
601. Yeah, whatever. You're supposed
to smash it to smithereens.Copy !req
602. I know, it's just...Copy !req
603. It looks kind of real, and
it's hard because I wouldCopy !req
604. never hurt anything realCopy !req
605. The props at the auditionCopy !req
606. are gonna look even more real, Eva.Copy !req
607. Some may even scream
when you smash them.Copy !req
608. Oh, really?Copy !req
609. Yes. And they're also
going to fight back.Copy !req
610. But it's all for reality's sake.Copy !req
611. But if you don't want
to be a real actress...Copy !req
612. Oh, no, no.
I do, I do.Copy !req
613. This is a block for me
but I will get through it.Copy !req
614. Once more, from the top,
with feeling.Copy !req
615. I just have a teeny,
teeny, tiny suggestion.Copy !req
616. Now, I know I'm not the director
but at the end of the number,Copy !req
617. I would love to try
something like this...Copy !req
618. You're only a dayCopy !req
619. AwayCopy !req
620. Works for me.Copy !req
621. Dr. Igor.
Dr. Igor von Igorstein.Copy !req
622. No, no, no. The Evil Revered
Igor von Igorstein III.Copy !req
623. I can't believe it.Copy !req
624. I might actually be
able to pull this off.Copy !req
625. Good work today, Eva.
You took some really...Copy !req
626. big steps.Copy !req
627. Thank you, Igor.Copy !req
628. I'm whispering to protect my voice.Copy !req
629. I really couldn't
have done it without you.Copy !req
630. Isn't it beautiful?Copy !req
631. King Malbert has turned
this country into a paradise.Copy !req
632. His tower shines out for all the world
to see as a beacon of evil.Copy !req
633. And that's a good thing?Copy !req
634. We were a nothing country
until King Malbert taught usCopy !req
635. that the way to succeed
is by doing evil.Copy !req
636. Phew!Copy !req
637. This is a tough town.Copy !req
638. Well, in this world,
nice guys finish last.Copy !req
639. So, I have to step on
people to get ahead?Copy !req
640. Uh...Copy !req
641. Yeah.Copy !req
642. Well, I'd rather be a
good nobody than an evil somebody.Copy !req
643. And so would you.
Because you're good, Igor.Copy !req
644. Eva, don't say that.Copy !req
645. It's true.
You are good.Copy !req
646. Seriously, stop saying that!Copy !req
647. But you are!
You've helped me with my audition.Copy !req
648. You've made me this delicious tea.Copy !req
649. You're a very good friend.Copy !req
650. Evil Scientists don't have friends.Copy !req
651. Well, what are Brain and Scamper?Copy !req
652. Headaches.Copy !req
653. Oh!Copy !req
654. Is that all I am?Copy !req
655. No.Copy !req
656. Okay. Then you can be
my number two friend.Copy !req
657. Number two friend.
Well, who's your number one friend?Copy !req
658. See? You're jealous.Copy !req
659. You do wanna be my friend.Copy !req
660. I guess I'm just a pushover.Copy !req
661. Hi, welcome to Cristall Clear.
I'm Carl Cristall.Copy !req
662. Tonight, we have a very special guest,
someone we all love and respect.Copy !req
663. It's Honkers the Gassy Monkey.
But first, King Malbert.Copy !req
664. You're not wearing
any, you know, pants.Copy !req
665. Hmm?Copy !req
666. Oh, no, I'm not.Copy !req
667. I figure, why does an
invisible man need to wear pants?Copy !req
668. It's very liberating,
Your Highness.Copy !req
669. Sire, the clouds,Copy !req
670. were they a blessing or a curse?Copy !req
671. Well, of course, I would never
wish the clouds on my people.Copy !req
672. But we rallied together
for the common goodCopy !req
673. by embracing evil,
and look at us now!Copy !req
674. Respected, successful.Copy !req
675. What are you doing?Copy !req
676. Scratching my invisible...Copy !req
677. But getting back to my
next question, sire.Copy !req
678. The Evil Science Fair is two days away.Copy !req
679. Any predictions?
Can anyone beat Dr. Schadenfreude?Copy !req
680. Well, I hate to predict.Copy !req
681. I mean, all the Evil Scientists
are twisted fiends in their own right.Copy !req
682. That said, there may
be a genius this yearCopy !req
683. with an Evil Invention so revolutionaryCopy !req
684. that Schadenfreude might finally
get knocked off his perch!Copy !req
685. The only one getting
knocked off his perch is you!Copy !req
686. Damn it, I need that monster!Copy !req
687. I will not be beatenCopy !req
688. by a hunchbacked
pot-bellied, bulgy-eyed runt.Copy !req
689. I think he's kind of cute.
Talent is attractive.Copy !req
690. I can just picture Igor
and his monster now,Copy !req
691. plotting their deadly combat maneuvers.Copy !req
692. Guys, can you come in here?Copy !req
693. I need to talk to you.Copy !req
694. If she's having a woman problem
it's all yours.Copy !req
695. Ta-da!Copy !req
696. What are these?Copy !req
697. Opening night presents.Copy !req
698. I know it's technically
just an audition tomorrow,Copy !req
699. but I figured "What the hey?"Copy !req
700. They're not much, since I had
to use stuff I found around hereCopy !req
701. but, well...
You first, Brain!Copy !req
702. An envelope!
You spoil me rotten, lady.Copy !req
703. I think we better open it.Copy !req
704. It's a new label for your jar.Copy !req
705. And Brain is spelled right!Copy !req
706. It is, right?Copy !req
707. You shouldn't really worry
about labels, though,Copy !req
708. because you may be a brain,
but you have heart.Copy !req
709. And in some ways,
that's more important.Copy !req
710. Heart? I'd kill for a pair of feet.Copy !req
711. Open yours, Scamper.
It s a prehistoric evergreen.Copy !req
712. They live forever.
I just want to make sureCopy !req
713. that if anything
ever happens to the three of us,Copy !req
714. you always have company.Copy !req
715. Great. I must be allergic to it.Copy !req
716. With any luck, it'll kill me
with its dinosaur-era toxins.Copy !req
717. Can we move on to Igor now?Copy !req
718. No one's ever given me a gift before.Copy !req
719. It's something no
director can be without.Copy !req
720. A beret!Copy !req
721. Voil?Copy !req
722. That's French for,Copy !req
723. "Please stop pelting me and
my ridiculous hat with rocks. "Copy !req
724. Hey, Igor where's our gift for Eva?Copy !req
725. Our gift?Copy !req
726. Oh! You guys didn't.Copy !req
727. We did.Copy !req
728. Where'd you put it, Igor?Copy !req
729. It s in the other room.Copy !req
730. Gift, gift, gift, gift.Copy !req
731. Eva. Well, we got you this.Copy !req
732. It's a necklace.Copy !req
733. It's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen!Copy !req
734. Igor, can you...Copy !req
735. I would do it myself,
but I am all thumbs.Copy !req
736. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
I got the thumbs on sale.Copy !req
737. I'm never gonna take this off.Copy !req
738. That way all of you will be
close to my heart forever.Copy !req
739. I need to go write this down
in my sense-memory journal!Copy !req
740. Oh, where did I put my glitter pen?Copy !req
741. See, this is the kind of
moment that'd be toughCopy !req
742. for someone who wasn't meant
to be an Evil Scientist.Copy !req
743. Somebody who'd go all soft
and want to tell her the truth.Copy !req
744. But lucky for us, I'm evil, right?Copy !req
745. Yeah. Lucky us.Copy !req
746. I don't feel lucky.Copy !req
747. So we stay on track,
'cause we're almost there,Copy !req
748. and I just don't let
her get into my head.Copy !req
749. It s so hard being a little hunchback.Copy !req
750. Heidi!Copy !req
751. Dr. Glickenstein is under the rug.
I mean, under the weather.Copy !req
752. I didn't come to see him.Copy !req
753. I came to see you.Copy !req
754. Me?Copy !req
755. By the way, an Igor came by todayCopy !req
756. and asked me to
hands-deliver this to you.Copy !req
757. And these are my hands.Copy !req
758. What? What is it?Copy !req
759. Ja, I haven't any idea.Copy !req
760. "Wish You Weren't There. "Copy !req
761. Oh, excellent, wonderful.Copy !req
762. You got my card.Copy !req
763. Is everything okay?Copy !req
764. I heard a strange noise.Copy !req
765. Ooh!Copy !req
766. Oh, I wasn't at the door
listening to you and Igor.Copy !req
767. I just...Copy !req
768. Hi! We haven't met. I'm Eva.Copy !req
769. Oh you're upset, aren't you?Copy !req
770. "Who is this strange woman
living with Igor," right?Copy !req
771. Well, believe me,
Igor and I are just friends.Copy !req
772. As his girlfriend you have
nothing to worry about.Copy !req
773. I'm not his girlfriend.Copy !req
774. You're not?Copy !req
775. But the way he looks at you...Copy !req
776. He never looks at me that way.Copy !req
777. Maybe some men like girlsCopy !req
778. who don't look like they've
been put together at the junkyard.Copy !req
779. Right.Copy !req
780. You have a very ugly face.Copy !req
781. Well, I have to go
get some rest for my audit on tomorrow.Copy !req
782. It was nice meeting you.Copy !req
783. Oh.Copy !req
784. Whoops!Copy !req
785. Audit on?Copy !req
786. So, how's your cocktail, Igor?Copy !req
787. Is it nice? You like t?Copy !req
788. Is it coconut-ty?
Coconut-ty enough?Copy !req
789. Wait! You should be sipping in style!Copy !req
790. Igor Krazy Straw!
Right now.Copy !req
791. Small trumpet. Isn't that better?
Doesn't that taste better?Copy !req
792. Excuse me, sir, but why...Copy !req
793. I mean, why am I here?Copy !req
794. You can drop that slur around me.Copy !req
795. I don't even make my Igors talk
that way. Isn't that right, Igor?Copy !req
796. Oh, that's right, Master.Copy !req
797. How many times do I have to tell you?Copy !req
798. Call me Frederick.
Okay? That's my name.Copy !req
799. Okay. Frederick!Copy !req
800. I have to get back.
Dr. Glickenstein will be missing me.Copy !req
801. Somehow, I think he's missing
more than his right-hand man.Copy !req
802. Look, Iggy baby I know all about
Glickenstein and his deadness.Copy !req
803. I also know about your monster.Copy !req
804. I'm gonna guess your plan.Copy !req
805. You win the Evil Science Fair,Copy !req
806. and then everyone looks
past the hunch thing,Copy !req
807. and they accept you for the real you.Copy !req
808. You grab the girl of your dreams
and you cha-cha-cha your wayCopy !req
809. to a happy ending.Copy !req
810. Am I close on this?Copy !req
811. No, not entirely.Copy !req
812. I don't know how to cha-cha.Copy !req
813. We're a lot alike, Igor.Copy !req
814. I want to be more as well,Copy !req
815. but society, it won't let me.
It stops me.Copy !req
816. So, this is my plan:Copy !req
817. I enter Evil Science Fair
with your monster and then I win.Copy !req
818. I turn the monster on the King.Copy !req
819. Ding dong, the King is dead,
long live the new king, me!Copy !req
820. And then you come in as Malaria's
new Evil Scientist Dr. Igor.Copy !req
821. So what do you say to
that? Is that nice?Copy !req
822. Is that really nice?Copy !req
823. You want to overthrow the King?Copy !req
824. I thought you wanted
to be an Evil Scientist.Copy !req
825. I do. But...Copy !req
826. Stop thinking like an Igor!Copy !req
827. Evil Scientists do not let
anyone stand in their way.Copy !req
828. Yes. I know. They step
on people to get ahead.Copy !req
829. Exactly!Copy !req
830. She'll never do it.Copy !req
831. She?Copy !req
832. The monster.
She isn't evil.Copy !req
833. Something went wrong and her
Evil Bone was never activated.Copy !req
834. So how do we get this Evil Bone
up and running, huh?Copy !req
835. We kick it, we slap it,
we take it to the movies, call it Irene?Copy !req
836. She needs to commit an evil act,Copy !req
837. but since she's not evil, she won't.Copy !req
838. Well, your troubles are over then,Copy !req
839. because I can get a woman
to do absolutely anything.Copy !req
840. I don't know.Copy !req
841. Don't tell me that you have
feelings for this thing?Copy !req
842. - No.
- Good,Copy !req
843. because that would be pathetic.Copy !req
844. I can give you everything
you have ever wanted.Copy !req
845. I think I need to go.Copy !req
846. Look, the Evil Science Fair
is in a few hours.Copy !req
847. You're either with me or against me.Copy !req
848. Yes or no?Copy !req
849. I take that as a no.Copy !req
850. What are you going to do now, smart guy?Copy !req
851. Oh!Copy !req
852. No!Copy !req
853. Frederick!Copy !req
854. Frederick! Why are you swimming?Copy !req
855. You just ate 10 minutes ago.Copy !req
856. Get off of me, you buffoon!Copy !req
857. Okay,
we finished your costume.Copy !req
858. I just hope it's cinched
enough at the waist.Copy !req
859. Obviously, if I had more time,
I would have made it flare outCopy !req
860. a little bit more over the knees.Copy !req
861. Stop touching it, Brain,
I'm creating a look here.Copy !req
862. You guys are my friends.
So, you'll tell me the truth, right?Copy !req
863. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
864. Do you think I'm pretty?Copy !req
865. Brain, get me a tub of eye-liner,
a pound of lipstick,Copy !req
866. and if all else fails,
the severed head of a supermodel.Copy !req
867. Okay, the Jacuzzi is not a bathroom.Copy !req
868. I know that now.Copy !req
869. Please, please take your own
sweet time! I'm loving it here!Copy !req
870. Oh, really?Copy !req
871. Well, then maybe you
should stay down thereCopy !req
872. with your Igor, poopshkin!Copy !req
873. You know something?
He's a good listener,Copy !req
874. he's got soft hands, and unlike you,
he sometimes shaves his legs!Copy !req
875. Wait.
No kissing Heidi.Copy !req
876. Or do you like me better as Heidi?Copy !req
877. Hmm. Jaclyn, Heidi, Jaclyn, Heidi.Copy !req
878. It would be really swellCopy !req
879. if you didn't go
psycho-girlfriend on me right now.Copy !req
880. I'm not psycho!Copy !req
881. Obviously not.Copy !req
882. How would you feel if every day
you had to be 13 different people?Copy !req
883. I'm Jaclyn, your girlfriend.Copy !req
884. Then I'm Dr. Nachtmahrs girlfriend.Copy !req
885. Then I'm Dr. Groaner's girlfriend.Copy !req
886. All for you!Copy !req
887. To help you steal
inventions year after year.Copy !req
888. And I still say those stolen pills
were the best invention yet.Copy !req
889. Well, this time they really paid off.Copy !req
890. Guess what Mommy found out
about our favorite little monster?Copy !req
891. Or should I say actress?Copy !req
892. Oh.Copy !req
893. Eva.Copy !req
894. Eva, Eva!Copy !req
895. Just breathe. Okay.
Center yourself on the body.Copy !req
896. I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Director.Copy !req
897. Oh, no, this isn't happening.
Act graceful. Act graceful.Copy !req
898. Keep smiling.Copy !req
899. Too close?Copy !req
900. No. Eva, you look...
You look beautiful.Copy !req
901. Oh this is such a clich?Copy !req
902. the leading lady falling
for her director.Copy !req
903. Well, you're not used to high heelsCopy !req
904. Oh, you mean...Copy !req
905. Our work here is done.Copy !req
906. Our work?Copy !req
907. You spent the entire time
playing with a piece of ribbon.Copy !req
908. Eva, about the audition, I think
I've given you the wrong direction.Copy !req
909. But I feel so prepared.Copy !req
910. No, I've been trying to make you
play a role that you're not right for.Copy !req
911. What?Copy !req
912. I have to tell you the truth.Copy !req
913. He did.
I'll just be a minute.Copy !req
914. Oh, Igor. Ow!
My ankle.Copy !req
915. It twisted like the pretzel, Igor!Copy !req
916. Enchanting.Copy !req
917. Thank you. And who are you?Copy !req
918. Someone who does not want
your unique gifts to go to waste.Copy !req
919. Are you a talent agent?Copy !req
920. I was so deep down worriedCopy !req
921. that when you opened the card
I thought I lost you forever.Copy !req
922. Heidi, I need to tell you something.Copy !req
923. I don't know what it is,Copy !req
924. but I fee like for the
first time in my life,Copy !req
925. I'm seeing a real Igor.Copy !req
926. And I think I'm in love with him.Copy !req
927. Wow, when it rains, it pours.Copy !req
928. No, no.Copy !req
929. Igor is a liar.
He does this...Copy !req
930. Igor would never lie to me.
Igor cares about me.Copy !req
931. Cares?
He doesn't care.Copy !req
932. Because he built you to be a weapon.Copy !req
933. No, no, no, you re wrong.Copy !req
934. He'll never look at you
and see a woman.Copy !req
935. All he will ever see is a monster.Copy !req
936. I don't believe you.Copy !req
937. Open your eyes.Copy !req
938. Igor has someone else
in mind for your role.Copy !req
939. Heidi, no!Copy !req
940. There's nothing more for you here.Copy !req
941. Come with me.
I will make you a star.Copy !req
942. No.Copy !req
943. Oh!Copy !req
944. What's wrong?Copy !req
945. I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I've made someone else.Copy !req
946. Huh?Copy !req
947. I mean, I've met someone else,
who I made. It s complicated.Copy !req
948. Wait a minute.Copy !req
949. You're rejecting me?Copy !req
950. I'm sorry.Copy !req
951. For that big bumpy thing?Copy !req
952. How do you know about...Copy !req
953. I mean, this isn't even the sexiest me,
but come on! Look at you.Copy !req
954. You're hideous.
You really are.Copy !req
955. And I kissed you!Copy !req
956. Ugh! Yuck!Copy !req
957. Um...Copy !req
958. You're a monster.Copy !req
959. And as we know, monsters
only exist to be used.Copy !req
960. Schadenfreude!Copy !req
961. Eva.Copy !req
962. Seize him!Copy !req
963. Where's Glickenstein?Copy !req
964. And before you answer,
you should knowCopy !req
965. that someone sent me this!Copy !req
966. Your Highness, he's dead.Copy !req
967. And he didn't invent life, did he?Copy !req
968. No.Copy !req
969. I did.Copy !req
970. An Igor inventing...Copy !req
971. Silence!Copy !req
972. Hunchy invented life, eh?Copy !req
973. Well, where is it?Copy !req
974. It's a she, and I think
someone's taken her.Copy !req
975. Well, if she comes back,
we'll just tell her where to find you.Copy !req
976. In the Igor recycling plant!Copy !req
977. No! Please!
No! No!Copy !req
978. Eva, where are you?Copy !req
979. Eva.Copy !req
980. Eva.Copy !req
981. Lock your doors
and hide your loved ones.Copy !req
982. It's the annual Evil Science Fair!Copy !req
983. I'm Carl Cristall
and I'm coming to you live, invisibleCopy !req
984. and totally au nature!Copy !req
985. Fans are taking their seats,
includlng King Malbert himself!Copy !req
986. Don't touch me!Copy !req
987. Meanwhile, the
scientists are in their locker rooms,Copy !req
988. prepping their Evil Inventions!Copy !req
989. Here we are.
A dressing room fit for a leading lady.Copy !req
990. Wow, listen to that.Copy !req
991. How many girls are
auditioning for this project?Copy !req
992. I'm gonna go save him.Copy !req
993. Wait.Copy !req
994. Look, maybe I'm not a genius, okay.Copy !req
995. But I know one thing, I have to tryCopy !req
996. No, I was gonna say,
"Wait I'm coming with you. "Copy !req
997. On three.Copy !req
998. One.Copy !req
999. Hey! No fair!Copy !req
1000. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1001. We're here to rescue you!Copy !req
1002. I don't want to be rescued.
I'm an Igor.Copy !req
1003. And this is what happens to us.Copy !req
1004. Figures, just when I decided
I want to live...Copy !req
1005. Don't peek.Copy !req
1006. Don't worry.Copy !req
1007. I hope I can still do a
decent audition without Igors help.Copy !req
1008. Trust me, I'm the one who's gonna
bring out the real you.Copy !req
1009. This isn't you, Igor.Copy !req
1010. Where's all that stupid
optimism and annoying can-do attitude?Copy !req
1011. I tried to be someone different,
but the world wouldn't let me.Copy !req
1012. Don't you want to go after Eva
and save her from Schadenfreude?Copy !req
1013. Are you actually trying to
hypnotize me, Brain?Copy !req
1014. Yes!Copy !req
1015. But if that's not working,
then how about this?Copy !req
1016. Ow!Copy !req
1017. Eva needs you and you're
the only hunchbackCopy !req
1018. that can stand tall and fight for her.Copy !req
1019. Brain, that may be the smartest
thing you've ever said.Copy !req
1020. Reach, Brain! Reach!Copy !req
1021. You should have built me
with a longer arm.Copy !req
1022. Huh?
Huh?Copy !req
1023. What? Like this is the first time
I've gnawed my own feet off.Copy !req
1024. Who says rabbits' feet are lucky?Copy !req
1025. Wheels, don't fail me now!Copy !req
1026. Wheels failed me!
Wheels failed me!Copy !req
1027. We went that way!Copy !req
1028. What are you doing?Copy !req
1029. Looking for the secret passage!Copy !req
1030. There's always a secret passage!Copy !req
1031. Darn it Brain,
there's no secret passage!Copy !req
1032. It's over.Copy !req
1033. I'm sorry, you were saying?Copy !req
1034. Technically,
it's a secret staircase.Copy !req
1035. Welcome! To you and the millions
of viewers around the globe!Copy !req
1036. They come from all corners.Copy !req
1037. And just look at them.Copy !req
1038. They're all worried sick
about one thing, world peace.Copy !req
1039. Well, tonight, it's within their grasp.Copy !req
1040. And it has but a small price,
and that prlce is $100 billion.Copy !req
1041. And I, for one,
I think they can do it.Copy !req
1042. And if they don't we I,Copy !req
1043. the Evil Invention last standing
will be unleashed on the world.Copy !req
1044. Ah! It'd just be too
horrible to imagine.Copy !req
1045. Where are we?Copy !req
1046. And why am I panting?Copy !req
1047. I don't have lungs.Copy !req
1048. The tower of the King's castle.
Look, there's the Killiseum.Copy !req
1049. Wow, I don't know what it is,
but I want one!Copy !req
1050. It's the beacon of evil
on top of the royal castle.Copy !req
1051. Wait. Is it a beacon?Copy !req
1052. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where are you going?Copy !req
1053. And bring me back a toy!Copy !req
1054. The King's beacon is
really a weather ray.Copy !req
1055. King Ma bert is making the storm clouds.Copy !req
1056. So, citizens
of the world, I beseech you...Copy !req
1057. - He lied to us.
- ... call the numberCopy !req
1058. on the bottom of your screens.Copy !req
1059. Yes, right there.Copy !req
1060. You need to give, just
like we need to be evil.Copy !req
1061. You need to be evil.Copy !req
1062. I know my choreography,
if that's what you mean.Copy !req
1063. I think you need to go deeper.
Have you ever done anything evil?Copy !req
1064. No.Copy !req
1065. Well, then how can you
play it truthfully?Copy !req
1066. You know you can't get
this part if you fake it.Copy !req
1067. Hit me.Copy !req
1068. - What?
- Hit me.Copy !req
1069. I could never hit anyone.Copy !req
1070. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
1071. Igor was right.
You are not an actress.Copy !req
1072. Yes, I am.Copy !req
1073. Oh, no, you're not.
No wonder he chose Heidi.Copy !req
1074. I mean, you know,
she's beautiful and you are not.Copy !req
1075. She has got talent and you do not.Copy !req
1076. Don't you say that!Copy !req
1077. Look at you.
You are pathetic!Copy !req
1078. No, I'm not!Copy !req
1079. Yes, you are!
You're just a big, freaky...Copy !req
1080. And here it is baby.
Buckle up, here it comes.Copy !req
1081. You are an ugly monster!
You couldn't act your way out of a...Copy !req
1082. Ah!Copy !req
1083. We've got Annie!Copy !req
1084. Malarians, let's get evil.Copy !req
1085. What? You're gonna lower yourself down?Copy !req
1086. You've got your job, I ve got mine.Copy !req
1087. I'm coming, Eva!Copy !req
1088. And bring me back a toy!Copy !req
1089. Phew!Copy !req
1090. That was close.Copy !req
1091. He s okay! He's...Copy !req
1092. Oh!Copy !req
1093. I'm coming, Eva.Copy !req
1094. Pull the switch!Copy !req
1095. And here comes
this year's Evil Inventions!Copy !req
1096. What a menagerie
of mayhem-loving monstrosities.Copy !req
1097. Take a good look, world,
any of these could be coming for you!Copy !req
1098. Only one Evil Invention left.Copy !req
1099. Time for my crowning achievement.Copy !req
1100. Pull the switch!Copy !req
1101. That's Dr. Schadenfreude's invention?Copy !req
1102. Eva?Copy !req
1103. Let the battle begin.Copy !req
1104. No.Copy !req
1105. The sun'll come outCopy !req
1106. TomorrowCopy !req
1107. Hold on!
What's this? It's fighting.Copy !req
1108. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow...Copy !req
1109. And winning!Copy !req
1110. There'll be sun!Copy !req
1111. Let me through!
Let me through! I made her!Copy !req
1112. You made her?Copy !req
1113. Hey, here's the genius
Igor that made her.Copy !req
1114. Just thinking aboutCopy !req
1115. TomorrowCopy !req
1116. Clears away the cobwebsCopy !req
1117. And the sorrowCopy !req
1118. Till there's noneCopy !req
1119. Eva, Eva!Copy !req
1120. And wait!
An Igor has entered the arena.Copy !req
1121. I just stick out my chin and grinCopy !req
1122. Don't worry,
folks, he'll be dead soon.Copy !req
1123. Oh!Copy !req
1124. She's almost at her big finish!Copy !req
1125. And if we don't destroy
this weather ray, it's really over.Copy !req
1126. The sun'll come out tomorrowCopy !req
1127. So you gotta hang onCopy !req
1128. Leave
it to Schadenfreude,Copy !req
1129. destroying his enemies
with a giant girl in a red dress.Copy !req
1130. I can't believe
Schadenfreude did it againCopy !req
1131. What are you doing in
the King's box, Schoddy?Copy !req
1132. I was about to ask you
the same question, Malby.Copy !req
1133. Malby? What's the meaning of this?Copy !req
1134. This means you're through.
Or should I say 'overthrown"?Copy !req
1135. Hey you unhand him.Copy !req
1136. He's your new king.Copy !req
1137. And if you have a problem with thatCopy !req
1138. please take it up with the head
of my complaint department,Copy !req
1139. who's the big monster over there.Copy !req
1140. Majesty.Copy !req
1141. There's gotta be a faster way
to demolish this thing!Copy !req
1142. We're all going to die! Except you!Copy !req
1143. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1144. TomorrowCopy !req
1145. TomorrowCopy !req
1146. I love yaCopy !req
1147. TomorrowCopy !req
1148. She's going to take
this whole place apart.Copy !req
1149. You're always a day...Copy !req
1150. Wait! This isn't you.Copy !req
1151. I did create you to be evil.Copy !req
1152. I'm sorry I lied to you.
I lied to you about everything.Copy !req
1153. It's just a role.
You don't have to play it.Copy !req
1154. Yes, she does! You're an Igor.
She's an Evil Invention!Copy !req
1155. No. Everyone has
an Evil Bone in their body,Copy !req
1156. but we choose whether or not to use it.Copy !req
1157. And as someone I love once said,Copy !req
1158. "It's better to be a good nobody
than an evil somebody. "Copy !req
1159. I'm not evil.Copy !req
1160. I'm Eva.Copy !req
1161. That is the correct answer.Copy !req
1162. Igor, I felt like
I was in a dark, horrible place.Copy !req
1163. We all were.Copy !req
1164. Wait! What's happening?Copy !req
1165. The end of Malaria's
evil role in the world.Copy !req
1166. Camera 2!Copy !req
1167. Oh! Excellent.
Thank you!Copy !req
1168. For generations, Klng Malbert
has kept us in the darkCopy !req
1169. by creating the clouds
with a weather ray!Copy !req
1170. He lied to us!Copy !req
1171. We trusted him and he lied to us.Copy !req
1172. He tricked us into thinking
we needed to be evil to survive!Copy !req
1173. But we don't!Copy !req
1174. None of us do.Copy !req
1175. This is outrageous!
He has no proof!Copy !req
1176. Where's his proof?
I demand to see proof!Copy !req
1177. I demand to see...Copy !req
1178. Oops!Copy !req
1179. I'm sure he's fine.Copy !req
1180. Long live King Schadenfreude!
Everybody!Copy !req
1181. King Malbert the liar is dead!Copy !req
1182. Long live King Schadenfreude!Copy !req
1183. Everybody say, "Long live... "Copy !req
1184. Well, that was a short reign.Copy !req
1185. Hey, fellas, I'm single again!Copy !req
1186. No more pills.Copy !req
1187. They can't see what I really look like.Copy !req
1188. My evil days are over!Copy !req
1189. From here on out,
all evil doings will be handledCopy !req
1190. by my manager/boyfriend.Copy !req
1191. Eva! Eva! Eva!Copy !req
1192. Eva Eva! Eva!Copy !req
1193. President Igor,
now that you're in charge,Copy !req
1194. will pants continue to be
as expensive and uncomfortableCopy !req
1195. as they were under the
previous administration?Copy !req
1196. What? What? No.
Everything is about pants.Copy !req
1197. Why is everything about pants with you?Copy !req
1198. There you have it.
Another politician afraid to answer.Copy !req
1199. the tough, pants-related
questions of Carl Cristall.Copy !req
1200. Pickles.
Old family recipe. Pickles.Copy !req
1201. Cocoas Strudel!Copy !req
1202. Mmm-hmm!Copy !req
1203. Yuck!Copy !req
1204. Pick me up at 7:00.
I'm gonna go home and shave.Copy !req
1205. Hey Scamper,
have you seen Eva?Copy !req
1206. No. Go away.Copy !req
1207. Hans, you're wearing this backwards.
What are you? Blind?Copy !req
1208. Let's switch this around.Copy !req
1209. So, what do you do?Copy !req
1210. I'm a genius. What do you do, mister?Copy !req
1211. I'm sorry I'm late.Copy !req
1212. I left your opening night gift
back at the lab.Copy !req
1213. Oh, my necklace!Copy !req
1214. Look inside.Copy !req
1215. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
1216. You're really gonna make this?Copy !req
1217. Yeah. And if it doesn't work out,
then we'll just adopt.Copy !req
1218. It's a big step,
getting a pet together.Copy !req
1219. Come on, after living
with Brain and ScamperCopy !req
1220. everything will seem like a breeze.Copy !req
1221. I can see clearly
now the rain has goneCopy !req
1222. I can see all obstacles in my wayCopy !req
1223. Gone are the dark clouds
that had me blindCopy !req
1224. It's going to be a bright,
bright sunshiny dayCopy !req
1225. It's going to be a bright,
bright sunshiny dayCopy !req
1226. It's going to be a bright,
bright sunshiny dayCopy !req