1. Lila! Lila! Lila!Copy !req
2. Do you think this will affect
the sales of your book?Copy !req
3. - Lila, are you sorry you did it?
- I'm not sorry.Copy !req
4. I am sorry.Copy !req
5. I don't even know
what sorry means anymore.Copy !req
6. I'm not sorry.Copy !req
7. So I spend the rest of
my life in jail. So what?Copy !req
8. I've been in jail
my whole life anyway.Copy !req
9. A jail of blood and tissue...
and coursing hormones.Copy !req
10. A jail called the human body.Copy !req
11. The only thing I know
is that I'm sorry.Copy !req
12. Sorry for my expulsion. Sorry for
my Lila rotting in her jail cell.Copy !req
13. And sorry for Nathan...Copy !req
14. rotting in his grave.Copy !req
15. I don't even know what
sorry means anymore.Copy !req
16. It's odd.Copy !req
17. When I was alive, I knew.
Maybe it was all I knew.Copy !req
18. But here...Copy !req
19. sorry is meaningless.
Love is meaningless.Copy !req
20. - Jealousy is meaningless.
- My story begins when I was 12.Copy !req
21. Jesus.Copy !req
22. Something terrible happened
that year.Copy !req
23. My mother said because of it, I
would never be able to get a man.Copy !req
24. So I should get used to the idea of
dedicating my life to the pursuit...Copy !req
25. of knowledge or religion
or whatever.Copy !req
26. It's hormonal. Nature is
a funny and complex thing.Copy !req
27. It could get worse with time.Copy !req
28. By the time I was 20,
I looked like an ape.Copy !req
29. The way that mouse looked at me.Copy !req
30. It didn't care if I had hair
all over my body.Copy !req
31. I was just what I was.Copy !req
32. I felt so free.Copy !req
33. Do you understand
what I'm saying?Copy !req
34. Something about a mouse, right?Copy !req
35. I don't think there's anyone in
the world who doesn't know...Copy !req
36. by now that I was raised
in the wilderness by an ape.Copy !req
37. Well, to be fair, by a man who
thought himself an ape. But...Copy !req
38. it amounts to the same thing,
gentlemen, does it not?Copy !req
39. After spending years in a mental
hospital for attempting to...Copy !req
40. take up residence in the ape
house of the local zoo...Copy !req
41. he did his best to live by your
rules. He got a job...Copy !req
42. he married a human,
they had me.Copy !req
43. Until a national tragedy undid
all those years of therapy...Copy !req
44. and reminded him what the
human race was truly about.Copy !req
45. Apes don't assassinate their
presidents, gentlemen.Copy !req
46. So, he stole little me
from my human mother...Copy !req
47. and raised me with love and
tenderness and respect.Copy !req
48. Until quite recently gentlemen,
I believed myself to be an ape.Copy !req
49. Although, I didn't know
specifically what type.Copy !req
50. Apes don't think in terms of type.
It might be argued, gentlemen...Copy !req
51. that apes don't even know
they're apes.Copy !req
52. In retrospect, however,
I'd say I was a...Copy !req
53. pygmy chimp.Copy !req
54. I have to say
I always hated apes.Copy !req
55. Of course, I don't any longer.Copy !req
56. Now I don't even know
what hate means.Copy !req
57. But while alive, I hated apes.Copy !req
58. I blame my parents.Copy !req
59. I mean, I don't blame them.Copy !req
60. I don't know what blame is
really, anymore, but...Copy !req
61. I think they influenced me
in my ape-hating tendencies.Copy !req
62. Mama, look! Monkey!Copy !req
63. Nathan, chimpanzees are apes,
not monkeys.Copy !req
64. And furthermore, Harold,
tell the boy.Copy !req
65. Tell him, Harold.Copy !req
66. The ape is our closest
biological relative.Copy !req
67. Specifically...
the pygmy chimp.Copy !req
68. A single chromosome separates us.
But do you know what...Copy !req
69. - truly separates us?
- No, Papa, what?Copy !req
70. Civilization. Without it, we
might as well be living in pens...Copy !req
71. throwing our feces...Copy !req
72. masturbating in public, sniffing
red, swollen female rump.Copy !req
73. Your adoptive father and I
whisked you away from a life...Copy !req
74. that most certainly wouldve been
one of degradation and alcoholism.Copy !req
75. Your part of the bargain is
to never wallow...Copy !req
76. in the filth of instinct.
Any dumb animal can do that.Copy !req
77. An animal saved my life...Copy !req
78. so I decided to go live
among them in the forest.Copy !req
79. You see, animals have eyes
that don't judge.Copy !req
80. Look at all the hair,
everywhere, everywhere.Copy !req
81. On the possum and the woodchuck
and the cuddly old bear.Copy !req
82. I used to be embarrassed of hair.
Not fit to caress.Copy !req
83. Now, I'm so sure
it's a blessing...Copy !req
84. I've got no need of dressing.Copy !req
85. I once thought God
A Creator diabolicalCopy !req
86. He gave the nod
To each one of my folliclesCopy !req
87. Head to my baby toeCopy !req
88. Now I'm free
No more caresCopy !req
89. I've accepted
My millions of hairsCopy !req
90. My new friends
These split endsCopy !req
91. Far away from
Those terrible staresCopy !req
92. Squirrels don't mind
Nor do ravensCopy !req
93. If a girl is furred
Or clean-shavenCopy !req
94. Creatures are kind so I have
Found my new green havenCopy !req
95. And I ain't gonna goCopy !req
96. Cause I'm one of them
You knowCopy !req
97. I figured out a way to stay
in the woods forever.Copy !req
98. I became a nature writer.
Last night, on my mountaintop...Copy !req
99. I felt the wind whip
through my hair.Copy !req
100. It was violent.Copy !req
101. I almost died.Copy !req
102. All my petty concerns were sent
flying with those gale force winds.Copy !req
103. I was in nature.
I was nature!Copy !req
104. An otter, a stork, an oak tree.Copy !req
105. A woman.Copy !req
106. When I became a famous nature
writer, I said to myself...Copy !req
107. "Fuck humanity." I never saw my
public, I never saw my publisher.Copy !req
108. I never saw another human being
and it was wonderful.Copy !req
109. But I have to admit by the time
I was 30, I was very horny.Copy !req
110. I had to have a man in my life.Copy !req
111. I would become what I needed
to become to achieve this.Copy !req
112. My success would allow me to
afford to become a hairless lie.Copy !req
113. - Progress!
- Yeah?Copy !req
114. Yeah. Honey, you are getting
smooth, smooth, smooth all over.Copy !req
115. - Smooth as a baby's butt.
- I love it, Louise.Copy !req
116. - I'm getting like a real girl.
- You still in the market for...Copy !req
117. - a real boy?
- Always.Copy !req
118. Cause my brother knows this guy.
Might be right up your alley.Copy !req
119. Tell me. I could use
someone up my alley.Copy !req
120. I don't get that.
Something sexual?Copy !req
121. Shut up and tell me.Copy !req
122. - Handsome, 30s, psychologist.
- Loves animals?Copy !req
123. - Must love animals, Louise.
- Loves animals. Loves you.Copy !req
124. What do you mean?Copy !req
125. Well, somehow it came up that
you're a friend of mine...Copy !req
126. and Mr. Handsome Animal-loving
Psychologist said...Copy !req
127. - that he would love to meet you.
- Won't he be able to tell?Copy !req
128. My brother says the guys a
35-year-old virgin.Copy !req
129. So, maybe he won't know how
a woman usually feels.Copy !req
130. Plus, he has bad eyesight.
Almost legally blind.Copy !req
131. Which is very helpful in this
situation. Plus...Copy !req
132. he has an extremely small penis of
which he is mortifyingly ashamed.Copy !req
133. And chances are...Copy !req
134. he will be so grateful for any
non-judgmental attention...Copy !req
135. - he will be yours forever.
- He must be really close...Copy !req
136. to your brother to tell him
such personal stuff.Copy !req
137. Oh, yeah.
My brothers his shrink.Copy !req
138. - Fuck Humanity's a delightful read.
- Thank you so much.Copy !req
139. - Yes, I'm a real animal lover.
- I work with animals.Copy !req
140. Right now...Copy !req
141. I'm teaching mice...
well...Copy !req
142. table manners, to be candid.Copy !req
143. - And how's it going?
- I hope you don't think me daft.Copy !req
144. It's important work. It's part of
a larger sociological experiment.Copy !req
145. - I'm federally funded.
- What's the larger experiment?Copy !req
146. My thesis is that courtesy,
decorum, manners are all...Copy !req
147. sadly lacking from our daily
intercourse. Rudeness and...Copy !req
148. vulgarity are the norm. Ergo,
if I can teach table manners...Copy !req
149. to mice, then I can
teach them to humans.Copy !req
150. And if I can teach table manners
to humans, then maybe... I can...Copy !req
151. make the world
a little bit safer.Copy !req
152. Lord, thank You for this bountiful
gift we are about to receive.Copy !req
153. Amen.Copy !req
154. Oh, God, Nathan. No.Copy !req
155. That's the wrong fork, young man.
Harold, tell him.Copy !req
156. - It's the wrong fork.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
157. I'll use the right one.
I forgot.Copy !req
158. Harold.Copy !req
159. Tell him.Copy !req
160. It's too late.
You'll have to go to your room.Copy !req
161. And do you think, maybe, this...Copy !req
162. early childhood indoctrination
has something to do with...Copy !req
163. your interest in table manners
in the present?Copy !req
164. Seems a tad convenient,
don't you think, Wendall?Copy !req
165. Well, do you have any thoughts
then on where this passion...Copy !req
166. - might've come from?
- It's my work.Copy !req
167. You cant reduce my passion
to parental indoctrination.Copy !req
168. Why did Picasso paint?
Why did Mozart compose?Copy !req
169. Picasso's father was a painter.
Mozart's father was a musician.Copy !req
170. Yes, okay. Now you're being nasty.
Now you're just showing off.Copy !req
171. I really didn't come
here to be mocked.Copy !req
172. Well, that certainly
wasn't my intention.Copy !req
173. It's my work, Wendall.
That's all.Copy !req
174. Voil�.Copy !req
175. This looks wonderful.Copy !req
176. You look wonderful.Copy !req
177. I'm on top of the world
tonight, Lila.Copy !req
178. My work is going splendidly
and my personal life...Copy !req
179. The fork. Fork!Copy !req
180. I'm sorry?Copy !req
181. It's just... the outside fork
is usually the salad fork.Copy !req
182. - One goes from the outside in.
- Oh, I'm sorry. I never really...Copy !req
183. - learned these things.
- It's no biggie.Copy !req
184. Oh, boy, this is good.Copy !req
185. - I'm sorry if I became upset.
- No, I'm sorry.Copy !req
186. I'm a little backwards
in some ways.Copy !req
187. It's just that I really
enjoy your company.Copy !req
188. - You do?
- Yes.Copy !req
189. Please, Lila.Copy !req
190. Please don't talk when
you have food in your mouth.Copy !req
191. You're so pretty,
and it only mars your...Copy !req
192. I'm being critical.Copy !req
193. I cant believe
you think I'm pretty.Copy !req
194. I have some peculiarities,
you see.Copy !req
195. - I think you're pretty, too.
- You do?Copy !req
196. Yes, I really do. And I have
peculiarities, also.Copy !req
197. Well, I don't care. I don't care.Copy !req
198. - No?
- No.Copy !req
199. Like what, for example?Copy !req
200. Like... Nothing.Copy !req
201. I cannot believe how in love
with this man I am.Copy !req
202. Louise, he's so cute.
Even his little penis.Copy !req
203. It's like a little pig's penis
or something. It's charming.Copy !req
204. Well, you've always
been an animal lover.Copy !req
205. - He's gonna find out, Lou.
- You're a wonderful woman.Copy !req
206. - He's lucky to have you.
- Louise...Copy !req
207. you're removing hair from
my feet as you say that.Copy !req
208. So you have a physical quirk.
Big deal.Copy !req
209. I'll tell you what I fall in love
with in a man... his mind, period.Copy !req
210. - There's a limit.
- No, period. End of sentence...Copy !req
211. end of paragraph,
close the book, we're done.Copy !req
212. me a man with intellect,
like my brother.Copy !req
213. I know he's average looking,
but he's so smart. You know?Copy !req
214. I could care less
about the packaging.Copy !req
215. - You don't fuck the packaging.
- Yeah, you do.Copy !req
216. You fuck the mind, Lila.
You fuck the mind, period.Copy !req
217. Close the book, end the sentence,
close the whatever.Copy !req
218. Hey. I have a really smart friend
for you. He has an I.Q. of 170.Copy !req
219. - What's he look like?
- Oh, he's gorgeous.Copy !req
220. - He's sort of a midget.
- Jesus, Lila.Copy !req
221. I'm not dating a fucking midget.Copy !req
222. What is love anyway? From my new
vantage point, I realize that...Copy !req
223. love is nothing more than a messy
conglomeration of need...Copy !req
224. desperation, fear of death
and insecurity about penis size.Copy !req
225. But I'm not judging it. I know
how miserable it is to be alive.Copy !req
226. Listen...Copy !req
227. I don't want to be dead yet.
Is there any way to...Copy !req
228. Hello?Copy !req
229. No, I suppose not.Copy !req
230. No biggie.Copy !req
231. Anyway, Lila moved in.
We had our problems...Copy !req
232. but we both wanted love so badly,
we turned a blind eye.Copy !req
233. Like the first time I brought
Lila to meet my parents.Copy !req
234. It's lovely to finally meet you,
Mr. and Mrs. Bronfman.Copy !req
235. Nathans told me so much about
you. All good things, of course.Copy !req
236. Thank you, dear.Copy !req
237. I'm sorry, will somebody please
tell me who this little boy is?Copy !req
238. Your father and I have adopted
an additional son.Copy !req
239. Wayne just returned
from a week at Peace Camp...Copy !req
240. and a week at Science Camp. Tell
everyone what you've learned.Copy !req
241. Conflict resolution and
flatworm dissection.Copy !req
242. - Very nice to meet you, Wayne.
- Nice to meet you. Our moms...Copy !req
243. - told me so much about you.
- Yes, I wish I could say the same.Copy !req
244. By the way, his elbow
is on the table.Copy !req
245. - Good boy.
- Good boy? That's it? Good boy?Copy !req
246. You shouldn't be speaking to your
mother in that tone of voice.Copy !req
247. Forgive me, but it seems to me that
Wayne needs a tad more disci-Copy !req
248. Sorry, Mom.
I don't know where my head was.Copy !req
249. Wayne is quite
self-disciplined for his age.Copy !req
250. - Meaning?
- He does seem very disciplined.Copy !req
251. But I wonder, do you think it's
the best thing for a child-Copy !req
252. Lila's a nature writer, Mother.
Did you know that?Copy !req
253. She writes about animals and
nature and other things...Copy !req
254. about nature in addition to that.
Wind, animals, what have you.Copy !req
255. Squirrels.Copy !req
256. I love nature.Copy !req
257. As long as it stays in the zoo
where it belongs.Copy !req
258. I hate Wayne. Don't you?Copy !req
259. Listen. I'm sorry about my
mother's reaction to your work.Copy !req
260. - What are you doing in there?
- You didn't seem sorry when...Copy !req
261. you were laughing at her endless
stupid, cruel animal jokes.Copy !req
262. I was simply attempting to
keep the evening light.Copy !req
263. You know I feel similarly
to you about nature.Copy !req
264. - Do you?
- Oh, yes. Of course. I love it.Copy !req
265. - Do you? Oh, do you, darling?
- It's my favorite, nature.Copy !req
266. I'm so relieved.Copy !req
267. Lets celebrate tomorrow with
a long hike in the woods.Copy !req
268. Oh, what a great idea.Copy !req
269. That shaving cream?Copy !req
270. I don't think so.Copy !req
271. Why?Copy !req
272. Then, gentlemen, one day I saw
something I hadn't seen since...Copy !req
273. my fathers death.
I saw other apes.Copy !req
274. They chattered away in
what seemed to be gibberish.Copy !req
275. Later, I learned it was English.Copy !req
276. Now I wonder if perhaps my initial
assessment hadn't been correct.Copy !req
277. I saw a flash of white.Copy !req
278. - Did you see that?
- What?Copy !req
279. - I don't know. Something.
- A deer?Copy !req
280. No, too upright.
A person?Copy !req
281. It might behoove us
to turn back at this point.Copy !req
282. If it's a person,
why should we go see it?Copy !req
283. It's not like it's nature.Copy !req
284. Lila, people who live in the
woods don't want to be seen.Copy !req
285. We should respect their wishes.Copy !req
286. This is how you get ticks.Copy !req
287. This is it. Lyme disease.Copy !req
288. For Gods sake, what are you-Copy !req
289. An ape as I had never seen before.
Like me, yet different.Copy !req
290. And all at once I felt
a heat pass through me.Copy !req
291. Gentlemen, I wanted to touch her,
caress her, to be one with her.Copy !req
292. I had urges I could not explain.Copy !req
293. And so I did what any animal
would do in that situation.Copy !req
294. He bolted.Copy !req
295. Who are you?Copy !req
296. You don't understand my
language, do you?Copy !req
297. Now look what you've done.
Is he dead?Copy !req
298. - No.
- Please put something on.Copy !req
299. It's cold, you'll catch a cold.
What do you suppose he is...Copy !req
300. - a survivalist?
- I think he's feral.Copy !req
301. Feral? Oh, don't touch him.
He might be diseased.Copy !req
302. Oh, my God, rabies!Copy !req
303. - He looks perfectly fine.
- My God, I think we should go.Copy !req
304. Nathan, I don't understand you.
This is fascinating.Copy !req
305. Here's a human being, totally
uncontaminated by civilization.Copy !req
306. And all you want to
do is run to the car.Copy !req
307. - You're starting to annoy me.
- Forget the mice.Copy !req
308. Forget guinea pigs.
Forget cats. Monkeys, too.Copy !req
309. I'm on to stage five,
the human subject.Copy !req
310. No.Copy !req
311. I can change him.
I can teach him.Copy !req
312. I can save this unfortunate
mans life!Copy !req
313. I won't let you, it's wrong.
He's happy here.Copy !req
314. Happy? Is he happy? Never to
know the love of a good woman.Copy !req
315. Never to read Moby Dick
or marvel at a Monet.Copy !req
316. You'd be taking away his freedom.Copy !req
317. Freedom's just another word
for nothing left to lose, Lila.Copy !req
318. Doctor?Copy !req
319. Good morning.Copy !req
320. Only three shocks.Copy !req
321. A chimp takes 15. This is going
to be tr�s simple, no, Gabrielle?Copy !req
322. - Oui, doctor.
- Good morning.Copy !req
323. - We need to give him a name.
- Oui.Copy !req
324. - You decide. Today is your day.
- Really? My day?Copy !req
325. I had a sweet little mongrel dog
named Puff when I was a girl.Copy !req
326. Puff.Copy !req
327. This one reminds me of my dog.
All shaggy. So cute.Copy !req
328. I loved my doggie
very much, Monsieur.Copy !req
329. Puff it is, then.Copy !req
330. - Puff Bronfman. Is that okay?
- Oui, perfect.Copy !req
331. Good morning, Puff Bronfman.
My name is Dr. Bronfman...Copy !req
332. and this is my assistant,
Gabrielle.Copy !req
333. We're your mommy and
daddy while you're here.Copy !req
334. Would you like some salad, son?Copy !req
335. - Dr. Bronfman! Dr. Bronfman!
- Hi, Gabrielle.Copy !req
336. I just wanted to tell you that I
very much enjoy working with you.Copy !req
337. Now I'm embarrassed
that I say this.Copy !req
338. No, no. Don't be.
I really enjoyed hearing that.Copy !req
339. - You're a terrific assistant.
- Merci.Copy !req
340. Would you like to go
get a cup of coffee, perhaps?Copy !req
341. Well, I don't know.Copy !req
342. - Actually, I'm on my way to...
- Now I am truly embarrassed.Copy !req
343. Forgive me. I should not have
asked such a stupid question.Copy !req
344. - You're a very important man.
- Don't be silly.Copy !req
345. You're so sweet.Copy !req
346. There, there.Copy !req
347. You know just the right
thing to say to me.Copy !req
348. I see you tomorrow, okay?
Unless... Am I fired now?Copy !req
349. No. Of course not, Gabrielle.Copy !req
350. I like it when you say my name.
Is that stupid?Copy !req
351. Hello?Copy !req
352. Hi, Gabrielle.Copy !req
353. - Yes, right, Gabrielle.
- Who is it?Copy !req
354. - Who is it?
- Someone from work.Copy !req
355. I think you took the right
initiative, Gabrielle.Copy !req
356. It shows you to be very wise.
Oh, really? Gabrielle...Copy !req
357. Could you hold on just
one minute, please?Copy !req
358. - Who is it, Nathan?
- I am on a work call... and I-Copy !req
359. Nathan, I-Copy !req
360. It's hormonal.
I can't help it.Copy !req
361. - Your entire body?
- I'm doing electrolysis.Copy !req
362. It takes time. It's working, but
in the meantime I have to shave-Copy !req
363. - You have to shave? Like an ape?
- Apes don't shave...Copy !req
364. - you son of a bitch!
- Don't quibble...Copy !req
365. - you know what I mean.
- Please don't be mad at me.Copy !req
366. - I'm not mad, I'm disgusted.
- I'm the same person.Copy !req
367. I have to think.
I have to go.Copy !req
368. Hello? Is anybody there?Copy !req
369. No, thank you.
I couldn't eat another bite.Copy !req
370. It is lovely to make
your acquaintance.Copy !req
371. My apologies, madam.
It shan't happen again.Copy !req
372. - My compliments to the chef.
- Idiopathic hirsutism occurs...Copy !req
373. in women who have hair follicles
highly sensitive to...Copy !req
374. normal female androgen levels.Copy !req
375. How could I find myself
in this mess?Copy !req
376. Is my girlfriend a man?
No. But she deceived me.Copy !req
377. She has hair,
she's not supposed to.Copy !req
378. Oh, doctor! I did not know.
I'm sorry to disturb you.Copy !req
379. I just came for
some papers I left.Copy !req
380. Sorry I startled you,
I just came to think.Copy !req
381. - My God, did I hang up on you?
- Oui.Copy !req
382. Perhaps I called at a bad time?Copy !req
383. - I am sorry.
- I'm sorry. I was distracted.Copy !req
384. - Is everything fine?
- Oui.Copy !req
385. Now you've got me talking French.Copy !req
386. I was in my p. j. 's when I
remembered I left some papers...Copy !req
387. I need to go over. See?
I rushed right out of the house.Copy !req
388. - I must look a mess.
- No, not at all.Copy !req
389. I'm in my p. j. 's, too.Copy !req
390. Funny, huh?Copy !req
391. And how is our son?Copy !req
392. - What?
- Our son.Copy !req
393. Puff.Copy !req
394. He seems fine. I guess
we woke him up with the lights.Copy !req
395. I should turn them off.Copy !req
396. Maybe I sing him a lullaby
my mama sang to me...Copy !req
397. when I was a little girl.Copy !req
398. - When you're a little French girl?
- But of course, silly.Copy !req
399. That might be very soothing...
for him to hear that.Copy !req
400. Can you point me to
the Cezanne exhibit?Copy !req
401. There.
Shall we close up, then?Copy !req
402. I shouldn't say this, but...Copy !req
403. - you're a pretty girl, Gabrielle.
- Really?Copy !req
404. - I always think of myself so ugly.
- No.Copy !req
405. Well, no, not ugly, but plain.
A wallflower.Copy !req
406. Not at all. You're a very pretty
girl. You should know that.Copy !req
407. - You should be confident.
- Thank you so much. Merci.Copy !req
408. It is too wonderful to hear a
man say such a nice compliment.Copy !req
409. - It's true. I wouldn't lie.
- You are sweet to me.Copy !req
410. So soft.Copy !req
411. - Doctor...
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
412. I saw it, gentlemen. I saw the
whole sweaty, passionate...Copy !req
413. ugly, beautiful act.
And to use the vernacular...Copy !req
414. I wanted me some of that.Copy !req
415. And I think I understood
from that moment...Copy !req
416. that in order to get some,
I would have to play their game.Copy !req
417. Excellent, Puff, excellent.
Excellent.Copy !req
418. Now, the lady you're with excuses
herself to go powder her nose.Copy !req
419. - Perfect, Puff, perfect.
- Bravo.Copy !req
420. I still feel guilt, even dead.Copy !req
421. One would have hoped that...Copy !req
422. You know, I really did love Lila.Copy !req
423. It's just that with her problem
and then when Gabrielle...Copy !req
424. revealed her feelings, I... She
was just so conventionally female.Copy !req
425. She had that accent.Copy !req
426. I... I was lost from then on.Copy !req
427. Are you seeing somebody else, NathanCopy !req
428. I'm sorry to ask
but I need to know.Copy !req
429. - Of course not.
- It would be helpful to know.Copy !req
430. No.Copy !req
431. Because, you know, lately,
you seem so distant.Copy !req
432. You work late every night and we
hardly ever have sex...Copy !req
433. and when we do, it's...Copy !req
434. - different.
- I've been preoccupied lately.Copy !req
435. Do you like my new look?Copy !req
436. - It's nice.
- Really?Copy !req
437. I'm trying, you know.
I'm trying to be what you want.Copy !req
438. I want to be what
you want me to be, Nathan.Copy !req
439. All I want is to be
what you want.Copy !req
440. - You're exactly what I want.
- Really?Copy !req
441. Sure.
Of course.Copy !req
442. I'm really trying.
You know what?Copy !req
443. Louise said that I only have
two more years of electrolysis.Copy !req
444. - That's great.
- And I signed up for ballet class.Copy !req
445. Look at my nails.
Like a real girl!Copy !req
446. - That's a great color on you.
- Oh, Nathan, let's have a baby.Copy !req
447. So that's the nightmare I've been haCopy !req
448. for the life of me,
figure out what it's about.Copy !req
449. - I think it may be about Lila.
- Lila? How?Copy !req
450. Ever since she broached the
subject of children you've been...Copy !req
451. on edge, and I know you have
an issue with her body hair.Copy !req
452. I see that.
That's something to consider.Copy !req
453. I felt it had more to do with
child-rearing concerns.Copy !req
454. The monkey-baby representing
parenta...Copy !req
455. I think it's important that you
look at your feelings for Lila.Copy !req
456. Well, I love Lila.Copy !req
457. She's wonderful. And she loves
me. That's no small potatoes.Copy !req
458. And she's a good person.
That's pretty rare in this world.Copy !req
459. How could I stop loving someone...Copy !req
460. because of a little
physical imperfection?Copy !req
461. - If it can even be called that.
- How do you feel about Gabrielle?Copy !req
462. Good evening...
ladies...Copy !req
463. and gentle...
men!Copy !req
464. Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
465. Bravo, Puff, bravo!
Isnt Puff doing spectacularly?Copy !req
466. Nathan, we have to talk,
you and I.Copy !req
467. - My little French poodle.
- Stop, get away.Copy !req
468. - What is it?
- You have to choose.Copy !req
469. It is like Sophie's Choice.
Only it is Nathan's Choice.Copy !req
470. Did you ever see that movie,
Sophie's Choice? It is like that.Copy !req
471. Only it is this.Copy !req
472. - I'm trying to sort things out.
- It is now that you must decide!Copy !req
473. I love you, Dr. Nathan.Copy !req
474. But I will not wait.
I will not be your chippy...Copy !req
475. your little Mademoiselle
Parlez-vous side dish.Copy !req
476. I want to have...
a sweet, tiny baby...Copy !req
477. inside my belly... from you.Copy !req
478. I love you so much, Gabrielle.Copy !req
479. But? But?
There is a "but," Nathan.Copy !req
480. I don't know how to leave Lila.Copy !req
481. Goodbye, Nathan.Copy !req
482. Oh, Nathan.
I'm so happy!Copy !req
483. I know everything's
going to be just great.Copy !req
484. Voil�.Copy !req
485. - Voil�.
- Thanks.Copy !req
486. - How's work?
- Cruddy. You satisfied?Copy !req
487. I don't want your work
to be cruddy.Copy !req
488. I'm sorry.
My assistant quit today.Copy !req
489. He was highly valuable
to the project.Copy !req
490. Oh, baby, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
491. - Can you find somebody else?
- I guess. Whatever.Copy !req
492. I could come work for you.
I know I haven't been that...Copy !req
493. supportive of the project,
but I've come around.Copy !req
494. It's a wonderful project.
You taking that...Copy !req
495. poor, uncivilized creature and
turning him into a human being.Copy !req
496. What a compassionate,
kind man you are.Copy !req
497. - I had sold my fucking soul.
- I let her sell her soul.Copy !req
498. I stood by as she did it.
It's inexcusable.Copy !req
499. At the time, though, I thought
it might be good for her.Copy !req
500. When she came to work with Nathan,
gentlemen, she seemed different.Copy !req
501. I don't know, somehow...
soulless.Copy !req
502. Bravo!Copy !req
503. - Bravo to you, Puff.
- Bravo!Copy !req
504. Tame me, doctor.
Tame your little monkey of love.Copy !req
505. - Well, I'm tamed, Dr. Bronfman.
- I'm glad... my assistant.Copy !req
506. Thank you.Copy !req
507. I'll start today with
the fois gras.Copy !req
508. - I gotta crow
- I gotta crowCopy !req
509. I gotta crowCopy !req
510. - and raised to the highest
of culture and refinement.Copy !req
511. This is a priceless gift bestowed
upon me by Dr. Nathan Bronfman.Copy !req
512. - End of tape 43.
- I think he's ready.Copy !req
513. Oh, boy!Copy !req
514. Oh, boy.Copy !req
515. Now, Puff, we're leaving
the electric collar on.Copy !req
516. I don't think we'll need
to shock you, but just in case.Copy !req
517. Okay. That's fair.Copy !req
518. Congratulations.Copy !req
519. - Oh, thank you.
- No, Puff bad!Copy !req
520. - My apologies, madam.
- It's all right, Puff.Copy !req
521. It shan't happen again.Copy !req
522. Shall we?Copy !req
523. This is great, Puff.
You're doing fine.Copy !req
524. I'm loving this. It's such a
treat to be out and about.Copy !req
525. What a wonderful invention the
city is, the immense buildings...Copy !req
526. of glass and steel glinting
in the afternoon sun...Copy !req
527. the smartly dressed women in
their best summer frocks...Copy !req
528. - the colorful street vendors.
- How is everything?Copy !req
529. Just spectacular. Great salmon.
Fantastico!Copy !req
530. You've got to give me the recipe.
My compliments to the chef!Copy !req
531. I'm glad you like it.
The chef will be very... pleased.Copy !req
532. So, will that be all?Copy !req
533. It shan't happen again, I swear.Copy !req
534. I'm just getting my sea legs,
you know?Copy !req
535. It's an animal urge, Puff.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.Copy !req
536. Lila!Copy !req
537. - Tell him.
- You have to control it.Copy !req
538. We're not monkeys.Copy !req
539. Lila?Copy !req
540. Good, you're doing fine.Copy !req
541. You're doing very nicely, Puff.
I'm pleased.Copy !req
542. Excellent.Copy !req
543. Great.Copy !req
544. Excellent work, Puff.
Extra dessert tonight.Copy !req
545. Tomorrow, the acid test.Copy !req
546. - How ya'll doing today?
- Very well.Copy !req
547. - Very well.
- Good enough. What can I get you?Copy !req
548. Puff, why don't you order first?Copy !req
549. - What's a Reuben, please?
- What's a what, sweetheart?Copy !req
550. A Reuben. That's a sandwich with
corned beef and sauerkraut-Copy !req
551. Fine! That's what I'll have.
Corned beef is a good...Copy !req
552. decent meat. Someone else
please go now, please.Copy !req
553. I'll have the big basket.Copy !req
554. I'm proud of you, Puff.Copy !req
555. You did remarkably well under
difficult circumstances.Copy !req
556. - Absolutely.
- Did I?Copy !req
557. I tried so hard! I really
concentrated! Oh, I'm so happy!Copy !req
558. And because you did so well, we
have a little surprise for you.Copy !req
559. - Extra dessert?
- Even better.Copy !req
560. Surprise!Copy !req
561. Free to come and go as you
please. There's even some...Copy !req
562. "mad money" in the night
table drawer for you.Copy !req
563. It's wonderful! Do you think
I'm ready, do you really?Copy !req
564. I trust you'll make good,
mature decisions.Copy !req
565. I trust you'll do
the proper thing.Copy !req
566. I will. Your very trust has
instilled an enormous sense...Copy !req
567. of responsibility in me.
I don't want to disappoint you.Copy !req
568. Good. Remember, when in doubt...Copy !req
569. don't ever do
what you really want to do.Copy !req
570. - That's the key.
- Got it.Copy !req
571. Oh, sorry, darling!Copy !req
572. When some things are known...Copy !req
573. of which, the one inheres in the
other or is locally distanced-Copy !req
574. - related in some way
to the other...Copy !req
575. the mind straightaway knows by
virtue of that simple...Copy !req
576. apprehension of those things,
whether the thing inheres or...Copy !req
577. does not inhere, whether it-Copy !req
578. I'm going to go down and check
on Puff. See how he's holding up.Copy !req
579. - Should I come?
- Nah, you just relax.Copy !req
580. - How's the book?
- Mmm, good.Copy !req
581. I won't be long.Copy !req
582. Forget it! Maybe I'll just stay
here and get shitfaced again.Copy !req
583. - That's a classy idea.
- It passes the time, doesn't it?Copy !req
584. - Yeah, what?
- Hi, it's Nathan.Copy !req
585. Call you back.Copy !req
586. - You bastard! What do you want?
- Just want to talk.Copy !req
587. You have made your decision,
Mr. Stinky American.Copy !req
588. - I've got some things to tell you.
- Like what?Copy !req
589. I think it would be easier if I
could talk to you face to face.Copy !req
590. - What for?
- Well, I think-Copy !req
591. You think too much!
All you are is one big thing...Copy !req
592. with lots of thinks in it!
Full of thinks!Copy !req
593. So many thinks that you have
nothing to think at all!Copy !req
594. - What?
- You heard me.Copy !req
595. You make me want to be sick
when you pretend that...Copy !req
596. you don't understand what I am
saying to you. Go away from here!Copy !req
597. - I'm sorry to have bothered you.
- All right, already!Copy !req
598. Come in if you must. The doors
open, you son of a bitch!Copy !req
599. In here, you lousy piece
of merde.Copy !req
600. - Well?
- God, you're beautiful.Copy !req
601. - Please, I look a mess.
- No, you look so beautiful.Copy !req
602. Anyway, come already
to the point.Copy !req
603. I'm going to leave Lila.
I can't stop thinking about you.Copy !req
604. - I've moved on.
- I love you, Gabrielle.Copy !req
605. Just give me some time
to let Lila down easy.Copy !req
606. She's a really nice girl.Copy !req
607. I don't want to hurt her
anymore than necessary.Copy !req
608. You hurt me, you know...
when you made Nathans Choice.Copy !req
609. Does that not even matter
to you, you pig?Copy !req
610. - You were gone a long time.
- Puff and I got into a...Copy !req
611. big, philosophical discussion.
He really is quite well-read...Copy !req
612. considering he's only been
literate for a month now.Copy !req
613. He's going to make us
really famous, Lila.Copy !req
614. - So he's doing okay?
- Yes.Copy !req
615. Very well. Just a quiet evening
enjoying his new digs.Copy !req
616. That's funny, because I just
went and picked him up...Copy !req
617. at a flophouse
on the lower eastside.Copy !req
618. He called here after he ran
out of his mad money...Copy !req
619. where hed spent
the entire evening drinking...Copy !req
620. watching strippers
and fucking a whore.Copy !req
621. So, what did you do
tonight, honey?Copy !req
622. - Shit.
- What did you do tonight, honey?Copy !req
623. I'm in love with
somebody else, Lila.Copy !req
624. - And what did you do tonight?
- I fucked her, ok? I fucked her!Copy !req
625. Do you know what
I gave up to be with you?Copy !req
626. - Yes.
- I gave up my soul!Copy !req
627. I gave up my beliefs.
I gave up my body hair.Copy !req
628. So, without further ado...Copy !req
629. I give you Dr. Nathan Bronfman...
and Puff.Copy !req
630. Thank you.
Lets get right to it.Copy !req
631. Here we have Puff
on the day of his capture.Copy !req
632. No maid service!Copy !req
633. Cant you read the fucking
"do not disturb" sign...Copy !req
634. - hanging on my fucking doorknob?
- Lila, it's Louise.Copy !req
635. Go the fuck away, Louise!Copy !req
636. To say that he took me
from crayons to perfume...Copy !req
637. would be a vast understatement.Copy !req
638. Dr. Bronfman took me from
playing with my own feces...Copy !req
639. then to crayons...Copy !req
640. then to an appreciation of the
complex works of Franz Kline...Copy !req
641. Joseph Beuys, Marcel Duchamp.
From compulsive masturbation-Copy !req
642. This is who I am, Louise. This is
what I look like! This is me!Copy !req
643. And I don't want to
pretend anymore.Copy !req
644. I offer you electrolysis
because...Copy !req
645. jeez, that's all I have to offer.Copy !req
646. But I want whatever makes
you happy, okay?Copy !req
647. - Does this make you happy?
- Why won't they let me be happy?Copy !req
648. I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.Copy !req
649. - And I killed Puff.
- No. Puffs not dead.Copy !req
650. Sort of, he is.
And sort of, I did it.Copy !req
651. You'll come home with me.
We're going to fix you right up.Copy !req
652. We'll work around
the clock until it's done.Copy !req
653. And so, goodnight, adieu...
until we meet again.Copy !req
654. Au revoir.Copy !req
655. - You were wonderful.
- Was I? I wasn't a tad stiff?Copy !req
656. Oh, don't be silly.Copy !req
657. And you were wonderful, too.Copy !req
658. I especially liked the way
you said, "Au revoir."Copy !req
659. Come on you two.
Lets go celebrate.Copy !req
660. That's it. My name's Puff.Copy !req
661. And now, the tango.Copy !req
662. I thought it went
swimmingly today.Copy !req
663. - You two make an excellent team.
- Fantastic.Copy !req
664. To be taken from the depths
of depravity and ignorance...Copy !req
665. and raised to the heights
of culture and refinement.Copy !req
666. This is the priceless gift
bestowed on me by...Copy !req
667. Dr. Nathan Bronfman.Copy !req
668. Done.Copy !req
669. So, we have 17 new bookings,
my wonderful man.Copy !req
670. Terrific. We're all going
to be rich and famous.Copy !req
671. - Thanks to you, Nate.
- Thanks to you, buddy.Copy !req
672. And your diligence and your
intelligence and perseverance.Copy !req
673. And, of course, to you,
my sweet, for your...Copy !req
674. for your moral support.Copy !req
675. Excuse me.
Are you Dr. Bronfman?Copy !req
676. - Yes.
- Is that a little boy?Copy !req
677. No, Puff. This is a dwarf.Copy !req
678. I guess they prefer to
be called "little people"...Copy !req
679. - Isnt that correct, my good man?
- In actuality...Copy !req
680. I prefer to be
called Dr. Edelstein.Copy !req
681. Dr. Edelstein is a fully-grown
adult, Puff, believe it or not.Copy !req
682. - Who, due to a genetic anomaly-
- Achondroplasia.Copy !req
683. - who, due to achondroplasia, is
actually a miniature human being.Copy !req
684. Interesting.Copy !req
685. Dr. Edelstein, what is it
we can do for you?Copy !req
686. For starters, you can find
your way into...Copy !req
687. that ludicrous Lucite case.Copy !req
688. - Not you.
- Look, what is this about?Copy !req
689. We have no money on the premises.
Please, if you're from some...Copy !req
690. little person, or rather,
achondroplasiac terrorist group...Copy !req
691. I want you to know I fully
support your cause-Copy !req
692. I'm beginning to tire of you,
Dr. Bronfman.Copy !req
693. - Lila?
- Surprised, dearheart?Copy !req
694. - This is Lila?
- Yes, this is Lila. Cunt!Copy !req
695. American and proud of it.Copy !req
696. The hairs gone, Nathan.
All taken care of.Copy !req
697. And I have muscles now. And I get
looks every day in the street.Copy !req
698. - You're beautiful.
- Do you want to touch me, or what?Copy !req
699. - Yes.
- Poor baby.Copy !req
700. Thank you, Frank.
You're the best.Copy !req
701. Anything and everything
for you, my dear.Copy !req
702. Frank and I both know
what it is to be shunned...Copy !req
703. because of our appearance.Copy !req
704. "The attempt to force human
beings to despise themselves...Copy !req
705. is what I call hell.
Andre Malraux.Copy !req
706. Sorry, parkings
a bitch at this place.Copy !req
707. There's an overflow lot
across the street.Copy !req
708. Yeah, I found it.Copy !req
709. Just over on Tilton.
You cant miss it.Copy !req
710. Right next to the V.A. hospital.Copy !req
711. Wed be happy to validate
your stub.Copy !req
712. Tie them up.Copy !req
713. With pleasure.Copy !req
714. All right, Fifi, give me
your hands. Come on.Copy !req
715. Stay.Copy !req
716. Bad.Copy !req
717. Get up.Copy !req
718. Stop.Copy !req
719. Take off your clothes.Copy !req
720. Come on.Copy !req
721. Off.Copy !req
722. We're going back to nature, you
and I. I'm going to retrain you.Copy !req
723. - I'm going to make you free again.
- But I like being human now.Copy !req
724. - I want to be the way I was before?
- Good!Copy !req
725. I'm going to show you how.Copy !req
726. And so began my
re-education, gentlemen.Copy !req
727. Lila taught me so much.
She was a stern but fair teacher.Copy !req
728. And over time...Copy !req
729. I began to remember the joy of
living in a pure state of being.Copy !req
730. But something else happened
as well.Copy !req
731. Something perhaps
distinctly human.Copy !req
732. Boy, you look so good
from this angle.Copy !req
733. Sorry.Copy !req
734. You're looking lovely this
evening. Hello, my name is Puff.Copy !req
735. I am a perfect gentleman.Copy !req
736. Do you want to touch me,
Nathan, or what?Copy !req
737. I think something is wrong
with Nathan.Copy !req
738. I, too, think something is
wrong with you, Nathan.Copy !req
739. You have changed. You are moody.
You lash out.Copy !req
740. I feel when you make love
to me...Copy !req
741. you really make love
to someone else!Copy !req
742. He hardly looks at me during
our love-making sessions.Copy !req
743. I would never stop looking
at you if you were my girl.Copy !req
744. Mother, will you please tell
Wayne to stop...Copy !req
745. - hitting on my girlfriend?
- He's a 6-year-old boy, Nathan.Copy !req
746. He's hitting on her.
That's not hitting on her?Copy !req
747. Calm down,
no one's hitting on anyone.Copy !req
748. Maybe you could learn something
from your brother...Copy !req
749. about how to treat a woman. Do
you no longer love me, or what?Copy !req
750. Tell me now!Copy !req
751. Just as I suspected.
Get down from the tree.Copy !req
752. Oh, please.Copy !req
753. Is that as articulate
as you can be...Copy !req
754. after all the time
I spent teaching you?Copy !req
755. We discussed Wittgenstein,
for Gods sake.Copy !req
756. Not that you ever had
anything enlightening...Copy !req
757. to say on the subject.Copy !req
758. Don't worry, Lila.
I'm only here for Puff.Copy !req
759. I'm with Gabrielle now.Copy !req
760. She's a wonderful girl.
Not some sweaty, dirty...Copy !req
761. lusty girl.Copy !req
762. Can I touch you, Lila?
Just smell you...Copy !req
763. how you smell now...
all dirty and powerful.Copy !req
764. Please teach me to be an ape,
too. I'll study really hard.Copy !req
765. See, I've been practicing.Copy !req
766. I'm not really good at it yet...
but watch. I'm trying.Copy !req
767. Put the gun down. Please, lets
be reasonable human beings here.Copy !req
768. You and Lila stay and have your
natural life. I'll go.Copy !req
769. You'll never see me again.
I'm not an ape.Copy !req
770. Can I talk?
I have to talk.Copy !req
771. Hello, Nathan.
Nice to see you.Copy !req
772. Allow me to explain my position.Copy !req
773. Before you found me...Copy !req
774. I was a simple complete being
in harmony with my world.Copy !req
775. After you, I became duplicitous,
anal, totally out of touch...Copy !req
776. with my surroundings.
In a word, Nathan...Copy !req
777. I became you.Copy !req
778. Lila has reintroduced me
to myself.Copy !req
779. Hello, Lila.
I love and honor you.Copy !req
780. I think you should
put the gun down.Copy !req
781. Please! Don't interrupt me.
How very rude of you.Copy !req
782. Words, words, words.Copy !req
783. Words are evil!Copy !req
784. Are they not evil,
these words we use?Copy !req
785. Does anyone know the
definition of simultanagnosia?Copy !req
786. I was intending to look it up
before Lila saved me.Copy !req
787. It's the inability to perceive
elements as components of a whole.Copy !req
788. Thank you! Thank you!
My pleasure. Don't mention it.Copy !req
789. Good to see you again.
Stop! Okay...Copy !req
790. Now I'm confused.
Nothing's right.Copy !req
791. I need to make sense. I need...
I need to make...Copy !req
792. - Puff, you're agitated.
- I talk! I! I talk! Not you! I!Copy !req
793. I talk! I sing. I dance.Copy !req
794. I kill you.Copy !req
795. And then...Copy !req
796. - I shot Nathan.
- Then Lila shot Nathan.Copy !req
797. Then Puff shot me.
Then I died. That's all I know.Copy !req
798. That's the end of my story.Copy !req
799. Do I go to heaven now?
Or is it hell?Copy !req
800. Or what?Copy !req
801. I just stay here?Copy !req
802. I just stay here
and tell it again?Copy !req
803. Puff...Copy !req
804. What happened to you is
as much my fault as Nathan's.Copy !req
805. I'm going to turn myself in
for the murder.Copy !req
806. - I won't let you do that.
- Stay here in the woods.Copy !req
807. This is a sacrifice
I need to make.Copy !req
808. Then I'll live for both of us.
I'll be the most...Copy !req
809. free...Copy !req
810. - truest animal in the whole forest.
- That's what I'm counting on.Copy !req
811. But, first, go back and testify
before Congress about...Copy !req
812. the waywardness of humankind.Copy !req
813. Okay.Copy !req
814. If you think it'll help.Copy !req
815. And so, gentlemen,
that is my story.Copy !req
816. I agreed to testify before this
committee because I hope...Copy !req
817. to convey to the American
public that there is indeed...Copy !req
818. a paradise lost. Human beings
have become so enamored...Copy !req
819. of their intellectual prowess
that they've forgotten to...Copy !req
820. look to the earth...
as a teacher.Copy !req
821. This is hubris, my friends.Copy !req
822. And my story of destruction and
betrayal is proof of that.Copy !req
823. I will keep my promise to Lila.
I will shed this suit...Copy !req
824. and return to the wilderness.Copy !req
825. I will live out my days naked...
and free.Copy !req
826. Thank you, sir,
and God bless you.Copy !req
827. Your story has deeply
touched us all.Copy !req
828. We will pass some legislation
addressing this problem.Copy !req
829. Thank you.
That is all I ask.Copy !req
830. Goodbye, Lila.Copy !req
831. I take you with me
in my untamed heart.Copy !req
832. I have to say, the crowd
is just eating it up.Copy !req
833. I think that maybe he has touched
us all with his message...Copy !req
834. of respect for
the natural world.Copy !req
835. And perhaps we have all
grown a little bit today.Copy !req
836. He's just turned west
on Warren Aven-Copy !req
837. Wait!Copy !req
838. I saw you on C-Span.Copy !req
839. I've been looking for you for
30 years. Then there you were.Copy !req
840. Such a beautiful...
beautiful grown man.Copy !req
841. - Mother?
- Yes, Derek.Copy !req
842. It's a pleasure to
meet you, Mother.Copy !req
843. But I'm an ape
like Dad was, and...Copy !req
844. I have to go back into
the woods now. Forever.Copy !req
845. Oh, I suppose so.Copy !req
846. I suppose that's what I thought
you were going to say.Copy !req
847. It's good to see you
again, though.Copy !req
848. I'm in the book. If you want to
drop me a line or something.Copy !req
849. I'm an ape, Mom.
I'm an ape.Copy !req
850. And apes don't drop lines.Copy !req
851. - Hello, my little boy.
- Hey, Ma.Copy !req
852. Did you bring any clothes?
I'm freezing my ass off.Copy !req
853. Oui. Nathan's suit.Copy !req
854. Sweet.Copy !req
855. You know...
I've wanted you forever.Copy !req
856. - Say my name.
- Gabrielle.Copy !req
857. - You remind me so much of Nathan.
- Like father, like son.Copy !req
858. Plus, so much of my little
mongrel doggie.Copy !req
859. - Lets go eat. I'm starving.
- French?Copy !req
860. Oui.Copy !req