How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck (1976)

Directed by Werner Herzog

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Werner Herzog as Self • Steve Liptay as Self • Scott McKain as Self • Ralph Wade as Self • Alan Ball as Self • Abe Diffenbach as Self

Germany • Documentary

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. How did you learn to speak so fast?

2. "I used to go to a lot of auctions with my dad.

3. In our area, there was this brilliant auctioneer.

4. I was fascinated

5. by his ability to hold the attention of 400 or 500 people.

6. I wanted to do that someday too.

7. So I would listen to him.

8. I began by practicing with numbers."

9. "Then you move on to tongue twisters, for example,

10. in German:

11. A big black bug bit a big brown bear."

12. "Or: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck.

13. Then you start with numbers.

14. You start building up speed and establishing a rhythm."

15. "It takes a lot of practice and you really have to love to talk."

16. Have you got another example?

17. Can you try saying it in slow motion?

18. OBSERVATIONS ON A NEW LANGUAGE

19. A FILM BY WERNER HERZOG

20. WORLD LIVESTOCK AUCTIONEERS CHAMPIONSHIP

21. Can you decode what you just said for us?

22. "Well, I'm selling.

23. In slow motion, I'm saying,

24. 'I bid $30.

25. Would you give me $30.50?

26. Would you give me $30.75?'

27. And so on."

28. "More so than that, it's the personal feeling I get."

29. "I've managed to reach a goal I've had since I was six years old.

30. That one day I'd become World Champion Livestock Auctioneer."

31. "I can hardly believe that I've done it."

32. "Well, I started practicing

33. when I was a student at the National Auction Institute.

34. I also took lessons with an opera teacher

35. to learn breathing techniques.

36. He taught me to breathe properly,

37. to develop my volume and stamina.

38. I used to drive down the motorway

39. and try to sell to every telegraph pole that went by.

40. I'd pretend they were bidders at an auction."

41. "Then at every junction it would start again."

42. "This broke the monotony of traveling

43. and gave me the chance to practice."

44. "I have a few friends in this trade.

45. They are real, true friends. They tell me when I make mistakes."

46. How did you turn professional?

47. "It always takes practice to make perfect."

48. "When I started out as an auctioneer in 1965,

49. I was just a kid from the country.

50. Uncle Sam got me.

51. After that I started auctioneering."

52. "And just like Ralph here, I used to hold auctions with myself."

53. "You can never get too much practice."

54. "But where I really started from...

55. You probably won't believe this.

56. I was the only one in our family who would milk the cows."

57. "I'd sit down on a bucket

58. and every time I pulled on the udder, I'd take a bid."

59. "And then I'd be through milking."

60. The world championships take place

61. in the village of New Holland, Pennsylvania,

62. one of the centers for cattle farming in the US.

63. We thought it important to show some of the surrounding area

64. because it is home to a community of Amish people.

65. Here they till the soil and raise the cattle the biblical way.

66. The Amish are a sect

67. who originally come from Switzerland.

68. However, they mainly consist of a group of German immigrants

69. who arrived from the Palatinate around 200 years ago.

70. These days, they still speak an old Palatinate dialect.

71. Their most remarkable trait is their puritanical attitude

72. towards developments in our society.

73. The Amish reject the ideas of capitalism and competition.

74. So they are the very antithesis of the world championships

75. that are being held in their region this year.

76. The Amish also reject progress.

77. They dress the same as they did 200 years ago

78. and still follow many of the same customs.

79. The orthodox Amish even reject electricity and cars.

80. Today, they still drive horse-drawn carriages.

81. It may appear strange at first,

82. but there's a lot to be said for their way of life.

83. They have refused to participate in war.

84. They don't suffer from the pollution problems

85. that afflict the rest of the US.

86. The Amish don't normally like being filmed.

87. They turned away as soon as they saw us.

88. They viewed the championships with an air of mistrust.

89. Even so, they still pitched a tent outside the auction room

90. and handed out free snacks from their farms.

91. The venue for the championships

92. is an arena in this building.

93. Inside, we eavesdropped on an auctioneer

94. while he warmed up.

95. "We only have about an hour left now until the contest starts

96. and there are 53 competitors here from all over the US and Canada.

97. In fact, we don't have enough cattle for all the auctioneers

98. and each has just three to six minutes to show what they can do.

99. That's not enough time.

100. Normally, we need ten to fifteen minutes

101. so that we can really warm up

102. and satisfy the buyers and the judges."

103. And which of you gentlemen is going to win?

104. "The best. That guy over there."

105. How do you find out who is going to bid?

106. "No idea, you can just tell.

107. They wink, signal with a piece of card

108. or do this with their fingers."

109. How do you pick them out from the crowd?

110. "I just find them. It's a gift."

111. We were curious to see

112. if the Amish could understand us when we spoke German.

113. "I couldn't understand it."

114. What kind of work do you do here during the auction?

115. "I open the door

116. and let the stock off the scales."

117. What is telling

118. is that their dialect has no way of saying "world championship".

119. Before the auction, which sold cattle worth two million marks,

120. you could inspect the produce in stalls behind the auction room.

121. This contest is sponsored by the "Livestock Market Digest",

122. a trade magazine, published in the US each week.

123. This is the 13th annual World Livestock Auctioneering Championship.

124. I must point out one thing about the jury.

125. Their decisions are based on professional criteria.

126. They are organizers and buyers.

127. They select the contestant

128. they would most like to work for them.

129. We'll start by showing a scene from above

130. to make it clear how proceedings work.

131. The stalls are behind the auctioneers, who take it in turns to lead.

132. The cattle enter the arena from the right, over the scales

133. and leave to the left.

134. The buyers are dotted about in the crowd.

135. The most interested buyers sit in the front row.

136. The auctioneer is handed a note stating the weight.

137. Buyers bid per 100 pounds of live weight

138. and for all cattle in the arena at that particular point in time.

139. When a bid is accepted, it is written on the note

140. and then sent via a conveyor belt to the main office.

141. The competition is underway.

142. Needless to say, we were unable to film all 53 competitors,

143. but we were lucky enough to catch the overall winner.

144. Look out for slight hand movements.

145. This is how you spot buyers.

146. They too are competing against each other,

147. just not as openly as the others.

148. This is the first time that a woman has ever competed.

149. The cattle have ground to a halt on the scales.

150. The auctioneer says

151. that all this waiting has made him nervous.

152. This is Ralph Wade from Miami in Oklahoma.

153. He came in second.

154. The next auctioneer adds a little variety.

155. He's been working for 50 years.

156. He starts by miscounting the number of cattle.

157. He announces Canadian Steve Liptay,

158. who later goes on to win this world championship.

159. This type of language is somehow frightening,

160. but fascinating at the same time.

161. What frightens me personally

162. is the idea that our system has managed to produce a language

163. that almost surpasses the boundaries of extremity.

164. Sometimes I ask myself,

165. "Where did church liturgy come from?

166. Where did the language of propaganda come from?

167. And how did our economic system spawn this language?"

168. But at the same time, it exerts a deep, musical fascination.

169. Sometimes I think

170. that this here could be the last remaining lyrical form.

171. This auctioneer was the final contestant

172. after only three hours.

173. From this we can work out

174. that each slot lasted no more than three minutes.

175. The afternoon ended with buyers paying and loading up their cattle

176. while bystanders bid for cakes.

177. The awards ceremony took place in the evening

178. in the town of Herschey, an hour's drive away.

179. Leon Wallace from West Monroe, Louisiana, came third.

180. Ralph Wade from Miami, Oklahoma, came second.

181. And here is the new world champion, Steve Liptay.

182. It took him a long time to grasp that he had really done it.

183. Steve thanks everyone

184. and says he knows of no other profession

185. where the best come together and compete against each other

186. for the title of World Champion.

187. Subtitle ripped and processed by Contaminator