1. What the fuck
is your problem?
Copy !req
2. No dishwee-saya.
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3. My bumbaclot Johnson
no working, see?
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4. What?
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5. I'm a rasclot true gashman
and my dick won't stay tick, see?
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6. I think I got something for that.
Hold on.
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7. Girl, wake your ass up.
Damn right you ain't asleep.
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8. "Crabs... Bad breath."
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9. "Limp dick." Ha!
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10. Got that dough?
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11. Mm-hmm.
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12. Will this make my drill sergeant
stand at attention?
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13. No, but it'll make you forget
your drill sergeant don't stand at attention.
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14. Blaze two,
get at me in the morning. Peace!
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15. Yo, Silas, my brother!
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16. Oh, shit, Mikey.
Hell, no!
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17. Hey, come on, Silas.
I need something to help me out.
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18. Yeah, rehab, mouthwash,
and a job application. Jeez...
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19. I'm starting to
recognize things.
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20. That's 'cause you coming down
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21. off a three-month crack binge.
It's called reality, son.
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22. - Later, man.
- Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, Silas!
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23. You've got anything
for a head wound?
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24. Man, ain't nothing
wrong with your head.
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25. There is now.
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26. Fuckin' crackhead.
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27. Now what?
Oh, shit, lve!
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28. What's up, dog?
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29. - What's up, nigga?
- What's crackin'?
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30. Oh, shit. You know.
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31. Hey, yo, you get my message
about goin' to the Jets game?
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32. Yo, I wish I could, dog, but
I got this little shorty coming through tonight.
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33. I met her
on the Internet, chickenheads.com.
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34. This girl is banging!
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35. Yo, we even exchanged pictures
and everything!
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36. - Damn. This look like your last girlfriend.
- Mm-hmm.
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37. And did your picture have that nasty
Al B. Sure! pubic patch in it, motherfucker?
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38. Yo, this just sprang up.
You know what I think it is?
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39. It's the mark of Buddha.
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40. And your haircut game
is fucked up.
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41. Girlfriend see that,
she's gonna shit on you.
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42. This girl is different.
All she cares about is Kevin Costner movies.
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43. I'm gonna let Kev
do the foreplay, right?
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44. And I figured I could get something
from the "Garden of Weeden"
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45. to make it interesting.
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46. - Costner, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
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47. Dances with Wolves.
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48. Field of Dreams.
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49. That's a corny
motherfucker.
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50. You gonna need
some strong shit just to stay awake.
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51. You're feeling me.
You're feeling me.
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52. That's a four-hour move
you're makin', motherfucker.
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53. Whoo!
What is this?
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54. Huh?
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55. Get up.
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56. Dog, you
shouldn't have.
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57. Man, I didn't.
Get outta here with that shit.
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58. - Let me just grab her titty.
- Hell, no.
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59. She wouldn't
even know it was me.
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60. To hell with that.
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61. What you got for me?
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62. Here you go,
right here, the bomb.
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63. Oh, yeah.
What's this right here?
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64. Stop touching stuff!
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65. When you gonna
get funds for this shit?
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66. Look right there.
See that right there?
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67. That's a natural
aphrodisiac right there.
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68. Come here.
Let me show you some more shit.
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69. Look right there. See that right there?
That's a painkiller. Look up under there, bro.
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70. You see that?
Cure for blue balls.
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71. This ain't shit, all right?
Watch yourself.
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72. Yeah, well, your shit is raggedier
than a motherfucker, okay?
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73. You know, if you took your head
off these hos and put them in some books,
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74. you'd have the lab
you always talked about.
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75. Half those books is filled
with bullshit, the other half lies, all right?
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76. See what I'm saying?
I gotta give Pops his medicine.
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77. I'm hungrier
than four dudes.
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78. Hey, I'm hungrier
than five.
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79. Who is you,
and what you doing in my house, Jack?
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80. I work for
Pork Chops 0'Chunky.
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81. Whether you're black,
or a honky, or in-between,
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82. you'll love Pork Chops
0'Chunky.
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83. Man, that's mean!
So what's in this stuff?
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84. - Hey, nothing but pork.
- Wow! Right on!
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85. Why don't you come and
have a bowl...
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86. There you go.
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87. Yo, you scared to
answer your calling?
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88. Man, what calling?
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89. Pork Chops 0'Chunky taste real good
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90. Won't make your
bathroom smell funky, yeah
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91. You got an opportunity to do something here
that the drug companies would never do.
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92. Let's put the power of the healing
back into the hands of the common man.
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93. Hey, whatever, man.
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94. What you need to do
is concentrate on getting the power of booty
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95. into the hands of
your common ass.
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96. That's what the hell
you need to do.
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97. Don't worry about the lve.
I got mine coming tonight.
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98. Hey, Silas.
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99. Damn, you see
the ass on her?
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100. What's up, boy?
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101. Yo, you just remember to take
them THCs, at least try to get into college,
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102. working in a real lab,
making some real money.
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103. Yeah, okay. Whatever, man.
If you say so, bro.
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104. The world is bigger
than Staten Island, dog.
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105. I'm out.
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106. - Holler at me.
- I'll try to.
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107. What's up, ladies?
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108. Yo, Si.
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109. If I got hit by
a bus tomorrow, I got your back, dog.
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110. If anything happened to me
while I jumped out of a window
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111. and my hair caught on fire,
I got your back, dog.
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112. If my ex came at me
with a knife and stabbed me, I got your back!
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113. Man, you talk too
fucking much. Peace!
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114. Yo, Silas!
You better take those college exams!
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115. Look at Jamal.
He's a good boy, huh?
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116. Good boy, my ass. Ask him why I had
to cancel my nail appointment
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117. to go and pick him up
in the precinct last week.
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118. Mamma, they lying.
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119. They lying?
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120. They found the weed
on you, didn't they?
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121. It wasn't mine.
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122. Then what is this
that I found in your bedroom?
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123. Hello! Ma, it is a lamp.
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124. And this is where
you turn it on at.
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125. Excuse me?
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126. Head.
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127. Now, where did I go wrong
with your ass?
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128. You're gonna have to take
that THC test and get into a four-year college
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129. or I'm gonna just cut you off
from this family.
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130. Baby, you are the
first member of this family to go to college.
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131. But six years at a two-year
community college isn't what I had in mind!
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132. Tell the truth.
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133. Baby, I got a dream
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134. that one day
I could put your college diploma
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135. here under my Jesus,
who's master of this house,
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136. next to your brother's
prison-issued barber certificate
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137. and your sister's
weave master degree.
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138. Now don't disappoint me,
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139. you weed-smoking,
three-day-wearing nasty ass.
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140. - Just like your father.
- Ma,
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141. why you always gotta be
talking to me like that in front of company?
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142. These bitches
ain't nobody.
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143. Now go warm me up some
Pork Chops O'Chunky.
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144. Is that all, Mamma?
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145. Wash your nasty ass.
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146. Is that all, Mamma?
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147. You the man.
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148. What's up, baby?
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149. Oh, hell, no!
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150. I didn't know
you had dreads.
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151. And what is that?
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152. Brother just got extensions
put in today.
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153. They tight, huh?
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154. Where?
Between your eyes?
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155. What the hell is that?
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156. It's the mark of Buddha.
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157. It's the skidmark
of Buddha!
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158. Looks like he took a dump
in the middle of your face.
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159. I don't think
this is gonna work out.
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160. Hold on now!
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161. Why you doing this? I rented Field of Dreams
and Dances with Wolves.
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162. Nigga, you are a wolf.
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163. Chocolate diva!
Nubian goddess!
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164. I'm taking you off
my buddy list, bitch!
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165. I hope you get a virus,
you and your computer!
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166. If you build it, they will come.
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167. What do you mean, "If you
build it, they gonna come"?
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168. Who're these people gonna come to a fucking
cornfield? Who's gonna cut the grass?
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169. I know you don't expect me
to sell no peanuts up in this bitch.
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170. This shit remind me
of slavery, Roots and shit.
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171. I don't play this, man.
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172. Hey,
what was that?
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173. Annie! Crazy ho!
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174. Know what I'm saying? Only way I'm coming
is if you got some females and some chronic.
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175. Then we all
gonna be coming.
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176. That voice just now,
what was it?
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177. We didn't
hear anything.
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178. You got some
nice titties, dog. Word.
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179. What titties? What?
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180. Okay, you must've
heard that.
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181. It's a good
baseball field, Ray.
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182. It's kind of pretty,
isn't it?
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183. Oh, yeah.
Told you.
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184. Did not.
[ did.
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185. No, you did not.
You been busy plowin' my corn.
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186. Mark of Buddha, my ass.
Look at you now. Dead, ashes.
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187. Damn, Ivory.
After all these years of blazing,
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188. who would've thought the last thing to wind
up smoking would be your ass?
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189. I'm gonna
miss you, dog,
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190. and I'm gonna be thinking about you
while I'm taking them THCs.
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191. And if you're
really my boy,
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192. you'll make sure
I pass that motherfucker, you heard?
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193. Thanks, Pops.
Matter of fact, what's up with that little...
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194. Can I get a little...
Never mind. Forget it.
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195. Rude-ass motherfucker.
Stingy bastard!
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196. Shit.
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197. Hey, Early Girl.
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198. Oh, Ivory!
My, how you've grown!
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199. Damn, Ivory! I had no idea
you could stink so good, nigga!
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200. Jeez!
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201. Hey, man.
Get that car fixed, yo!
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202. Blunt o'clock, boy!
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203. Man, get the fuck
outta here, man!
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204. Look at this little-ass
bag of fucking weed!
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205. Yes, Lord. Oh, damn!
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206. Oh, shit! My weed!
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207. No cigar? No!
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208. Fuck! Fuck! Bitch!
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209. Fuck! Fuck! Bitch! Fuck!
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210. Got blunt?
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211. Got weed?
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212. Man, that shit smells
good as hell, dog.
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213. I'm Jamal.
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214. Peace. Silas.
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215. Say, you trying to get something to
bring them nerves down, too, huh, bro?
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216. Yeah, I figure if I study high, take
the test high, get high scores.
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217. - Right?
- Right.
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218. Right.
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219. Look at that car.
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220. Is it on fire?
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221. Hit that, son.
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222. Yo!
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223. Yo!
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224. This is the shit.
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225. That shit
is called lvory.
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226. It's the shit.
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227. That's the Ivory, right there.
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228. - Goddamn!
- This is the shit.
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229. Hey, y'all pass that, kid.
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230. I just gave it
to the guy in the back, man.
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231. Guy in the back?
What the fuck are you...
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232. - What's up, dog?
- That's Ivory.
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233. No, that's
the Ivory, bro. Damn.
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234. Ivory! Shit!
You got to be kidding me!
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235. Yo, yo, yo, Silas! Chill out! Silas!
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236. Word!
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237. What the fuck is going on?
Ain't you supposed to be dead?
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238. I am dead, but this is
what happens when you smoke your boy.
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239. Holy shit!
Man, let me try that!
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240. Silas, relax.
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241. Now can we talk about this
back in your car?
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242. Look, I know how you
can get high scores.
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243. I'm a ghost, ghost, ghost,
ghost, ghost, ghost.
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244. Don't touch me, man.
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245. It's me, dog.
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246. What are you doing, Ive? You just
running the streets, fucking with the living?
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247. No, bro. I'm just here
for you.
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248. But you gotta understand that people
can only see me when they smoke me.
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249. I got all the answers.
I can consult with people.
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250. Socrates, Nietzsche,
even the old dude who made up this test.
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251. - That's bullshit.
- I bullshit you not.
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252. Remember, I told you I have your back,
even if I got hit by a bus.
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253. Man, matter of fact, your ass
didn't even get hit by a bus.
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254. I made it!
I can't feel my legs, but I'm alive!
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255. - And you predicted that shit?
- Yeah.
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256. So what are you doing here, man?
You gonna hook me up with a chick
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257. with no gag reflex
or some shit like that?
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258. Even better.
I'm gonna be in there with you.
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259. By the time I'm done with you, every college
in the country will be knocking at your door.
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260. Ow! Shit. Man, I must not
be high enough, nigga.
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261. He's a ghost, man.
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262. Cool.
That explains everything.
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263. I'm up here trying to
put my fucking hand through the...
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264. We've never had anybody,
let alone two people, get a perfect score.
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265. We either have
a one-in-six-billion phenomenon or a cheat.
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266. - Damn!
- It would've been impossible
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267. for either of you to cheat.
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268. You had two
totally different versions of the test.
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269. Congratulations. These scores are going to
get you into any college in the country.
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270. Yo, we still high
on that lvory?
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271. Dean, it's as
simple as this.
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272. The trustees
of the university are riding my ass
Copy !req
273. about getting some
color up at Harvard.
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274. - Excuse me?
- Ethnic diversity.
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275. The trustees seem to think
we need it.
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276. How come we don't have
more minorities?
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277. How should I know?
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278. If we don't do something soon,
I might get fired.
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279. What about Upchuck Kamalu?
He's Eskimo.
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280. Why isn't he considered
as a minority? And I brought him in.
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281. Yes, but it's breaking the bank
keeping his igloo frozen.
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282. Dean, what about those two guys
I read about from the tri-states?
Copy !req
283. They made perfect scores
on their THCs!
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284. I saw those guys' pictures.
They look like mug shots!
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285. I don't care. I want them!
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286. At Reparations Technical Institute, we
offer a cornucopia of educational
Copy !req
287. and business opportunities
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288. for brothers and sisters to pursue higher
learning. Read from the brochure, brother.
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289. Brothers, join us
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290. at Reparations Technical
Institute and learn hatred for the white devil
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291. in a relaxed campus atmosphere,
where classes range...
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292. - From...
- Hatred for the white devil.
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293. - To...
- Advanced hatred for the white devil.
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294. - And...
- Volleyball.
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295. Next!
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296. You think you're all
hot tamales right now, I'll tell you.
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297. Why don't you come down
to the base and understand
Copy !req
298. what it's really like to be somebody special?
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299. You can work hard,
you learn,
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300. and then you can
build refrigerators and such.
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301. Next!
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302. - Taking a vow of celibacy...
- Next!
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303. - Frees your mind...
- Next!
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304. - And your body.
- Next!
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305. Harvard? Ain't it
a lot of richie people up there?
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306. Shit, I gotta roll up
that joint, dog.
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307. Well, with test scores like these,
you can roll up any joint you want.
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308. But Harvard, gentlemen,
is not just any joint. It's an institution.
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309. All I want to do
is develop my herbal in a real lab
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310. and get some head
while I'm doing it.
Copy !req
311. Well, we have the finest
botany department in the world
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312. and a quality of life
like no other.
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313. Music, artists,
and the women.
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314. So, does it sound tempting?
lvy League atmosphere?
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315. A place where you can
really grow academically?
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316. I'll fucks with you.
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317. Shit, I fucks
with you, too.
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318. Is that good?
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319. Yes, that's a "yes."
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320. Then we'll fox
with each other!
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321. Damn!
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322. They look like
they still in high school, yo.
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323. If there's grass
on the infield, play ball.
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324. Where the fuck
is orientation at, anyway?
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325. Damn!
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326. What the fuck
was that?
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327. Jesus!
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328. If I can pull off
six years at a community college,
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329. I know I can get
at least 12 years up in this motherfucker.
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330. Yo, how much of that
Ivory shit we got, anyway?
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331. We limited, all right?
We'll have to split this shit up.
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332. You know what I'm saying?
We only blaze at test times.
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333. What, no wake
and bake?
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334. Got other stuff
for that.
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335. Oh.
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336. Bart!
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337. Remember those artifacts
that I found this summer?
Copy !req
338. Well, I was right!
They are Ben Franklin's!
Copy !req
339. Great! Did you figure out
where you want to eat dinner tonight?
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340. Dinner? Bart, you know, some of
these things are...
Copy !req
341. They look like
earlier inventions,
Copy !req
342. and if I can discover
what these are,
Copy !req
343. it could be the greatest find
in the history of anyone attending Harvard.
Copy !req
344. I love Ben Franklin, girl,
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345. and I could listen to you
talk about his stinking ass all day long.
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346. Excuse me?
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347. Oh. Does anybody know
where the financial aid office is?
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348. Well, my man,
let me think.
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349. See that statue right there?
It's beautiful, isn't it?
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350. That statue is in the likeness
of my great-granddaddy Dooster,
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351. so |I'm guessing
that would be the Dooster House,
Copy !req
352. the financial aid office.
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353. Gee, I don't think I've ever met anyone
who actually needed to go there.
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354. All we did was come over here
and ask for directions.
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355. If we came over here
and asked if anybody needed their ass kicked,
Copy !req
356. you wouldn't sound
so fucking smug, now, would you?
Copy !req
357. My bad, bro.
We got off on the wrong foot.
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358. Let's start over.
I'm Bart.
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359. Yeah, I'm Jamal.
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360. Well, my friend, this is crew,
but don't even think about it.
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361. You don't look
like you could hang, Jermaine.
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362. The name's Jamal,
and I'll fuck your crew up.
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363. Who are they? Who are they,
goddamn it?
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364. It's rowing,
Jimmy Jam.
Copy !req
365. Well, Bart-fart,
you got skills in it?
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366. Yeah, I'm captain of the team.
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367. Well, if you can do it
I can do it, sucker.
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368. That's right, God damn it!
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369. This isn't basketball,
J. Rock.
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370. I train all year round for three seasons to
make number one in single sculls.
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371. Well, you're about to be number two,
'cause I'm signing up, buddy.
Copy !req
372. Well, practice starts tomorrow
at 6:00 a.m., all right?
Copy !req
373. Fine! I don't mind
cutting my evening short to be there.
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374. As dean of freshmen, I have welcomed
students from all over the world.
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375. From Korea, from Rome,
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376. Istanbul.
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377. Students enter Harvard
with a variety of goals.
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378. Excuse me.
Are we in the right place?
Copy !req
379. Anyone? Anyone?
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380. You? You?
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381. As I was saying,
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382. Harvard isn't
for everyone.
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383. Oh, shit! We got
a black man for a teacher.
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384. That's what
I'm talking about.
Copy !req
385. - What's up, bro? Holla.
- We straight.
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386. We straight.
Copy !req
387. - As I was saying...
- What's wrong with his ass?
Copy !req
388. He's probably been locked up more
times than me and your ass put together.
Copy !req
389. Old, green Jiminy Cricket,
suit-wearing ass motherfucker.
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390. Ghetto!
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391. Old, short Colin Powell-
haircut-having ass motherfucker.
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392. Ghetto!
Copy !req
393. Little Angela Davis
moustache
Copy !req
394. - wearing ass motherfucker!
- Ghetto!
Copy !req
395. You ol' Richard Pryor
shortcut,
Copy !req
396. fade-happening-
around-the-side wearing fucker!
Copy !req
397. You little Sammy Davis award junior
Afro-haircut-having ass motherfucker!
Copy !req
398. Ghetto!
Copy !req
399. Dynamite disco daddy
devastating...
Copy !req
400. Ghetto!
Copy !req
401. Don Cornelius-
with-a-haircut...
Copy !req
402. Gentlemen!
Copy !req
403. If you don't mind, I'd like you to sit
down. I would like to continue.
Copy !req
404. Excuse me.
Copy !req
405. Excuse me. Watch your toes.
Watch the corns. Excuse me.
Copy !req
406. Thank you for your
entertaining anecdotes.
Copy !req
407. We here at Harvard
are rooted in tradition.
Copy !req
408. What the fuck
is this?
Copy !req
409. That's toilet water.
Copy !req
410. It's a part of my pledge.
Do you guys mind?
Copy !req
411. No, but do you mind
talking that way?
Copy !req
412. 'Cause your breath smells
like straight ass-crack, bro.
Copy !req
413. Isn't there a hip-hop convention you
two should be at or something?
Copy !req
414. Ooh!
Copy !req
415. Shark has fangs!
Copy !req
416. Word.
Hey, go easy on him.
Copy !req
417. We probably the only blackheads he seen
since he looked in the mirror.
Copy !req
418. God, can you guys
just show a little respect?
Copy !req
419. This class is fucking boring.
I'm outta here!
Copy !req
420. Uh, excuse me.
Copy !req
421. Did I hear
you say something?
Copy !req
422. With all due respect, suck my dick.
Copy !req
423. No, sir.
I'm not saying anything. It's these guys.
Copy !req
424. You're an asshole.
Copy !req
425. Did you call me an asshole?
Copy !req
426. - No, I said "idiot."
- An idiot?
Copy !req
427. - No, sir.
- What did you say?
Copy !req
428. I said that this school
has nice halls.
Copy !req
429. This is not funny.
Copy !req
430. You couldn't teach
your way out of kindergarten class, dean.
Copy !req
431. I think we've had enough interruptions for
today. I think you should leave!
Copy !req
432. Sir...
Copy !req
433. This would
never have happened if I were black.
Copy !req
434. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Copy !req
435. - Better pull back on those pedals, boy.
- Why?
Copy !req
436. Maximum speed
on campus is 15 mphs.
Copy !req
437. 1] Mphsll?
Copy !req
438. Fifty bucks?
Oh, man, I can't pay this.
Copy !req
439. Well.
Copy !req
440. This isn't even
a real ticket.
Copy !req
441. It's a student citation.
See, I'm a volunteer.
Copy !req
442. You need to pay that
by Friday at 5:00...
Copy !req
443. - That was uncalled for.
- Eat me.
Copy !req
444. You just earned yourself
another citation.
Copy !req
445. Fuck off!
Copy !req
446. Well, well, well.
Copy !req
447. Look who we have here.
Copy !req
448. Damn, this bike's
phat as hell!
Copy !req
449. Whoa! Don't touch!
Copy !req
450. All right,
leave the bike alone.
Copy !req
451. Did you just call me fat?
And what is that stench?
Copy !req
452. That's my cologne.
Cannabis For Men.
Copy !req
453. I don't know what that is.
Forewarning, gentlemen.
Copy !req
454. You better watch your mouths
and your behinds.
Copy !req
455. See, I'm looking for the ecstasy.
I'm looking for the pot.
Copy !req
456. Oh, yeah. I'm looking
for those 'shrooms.
Copy !req
457. Shit, we looking
for that shit, too!
Copy !req
458. What are you
talking about?
Copy !req
459. Same thing
you talking about.
Copy !req
460. What are we
talking about?
Copy !req
461. Look, Gerald.
Either you're holding,
Copy !req
462. or get on your little roadster
and move the fuck on, okay?
Copy !req
463. It's Volunteer Officer Pickelstine,
and I am watching you.
Copy !req
464. Oh, I'm watching you
like a hawk.
Copy !req
465. Like a hawk!
Copy !req
466. Somebody needs a hug.
Copy !req
467. Don't worry, baby.
You can suck my dick after class.
Copy !req
468. Oh! Wow!
Copy !req
469. Oh, she wants me.
Welcome to Lovell House.
Copy !req
470. You look funky fresh,
and funky fresh
Copy !req
471. always likes
funky fresh women.
Copy !req
472. "Amir. Professional
student resident advisor for you."
Copy !req
473. And professional player.
So, what's mine is yours,
Copy !req
474. and what's yours
I've probably already had.
Copy !req
475. You, and you, and me,
we're the same: Africa tan.
Copy !req
476. The original man
was like us, man.
Copy !req
477. Whatever, nigga.
Copy !req
478. "I believe in the Fly Club,
its traditions and its ideals.
Copy !req
479. "I believe in the..."
Excuse me. Do you have to play that so loud?
Copy !req
480. I'm trying to study
my pledge book.
Copy !req
481. This Niggaz
With Attitude.
Copy !req
482. If you smart, you tell people you love
NWA. They think you cool.
Copy !req
483. Why you wear smelly eggs?
Copy !req
484. These eggs are a part of
my pledging.
Copy !req
485. I am getting thousands
of lifetime connections here.
Copy !req
486. I'm gonna be a part
of a fraternity.
Copy !req
487. What's up?
What's up?
Copy !req
488. Oh, God!
Copy !req
489. One glove,
my brothers!
Copy !req
490. I am Tuan, child prodigy.
Copy !req
491. Well, I'm Jamal,
a pothead.
Copy !req
492. Silas, entrepre-negro.
Copy !req
493. Jamal!
Copy !req
494. - Fresh gear, man!
- You like?
Copy !req
495. - Yeah!
- Idesigned it myself. I call it "Bufu."
Copy !req
496. Bufu.
Copy !req
497. Oh, no. Not you two!
Copy !req
498. Fake-ass Paul Bunyan
plaid-pussy-shirt-wearing man,
Copy !req
499. I'll fuck your ass up.
Shut up.
Copy !req
500. Okay, but if you two
are our roommates, who's that?
Copy !req
501. That's I Need Money!
Goddamn!
Copy !req
502. Okay, but
what's his name?
Copy !req
503. I Need Money!
Copy !req
504. Doesn't talk.
How come he?
Copy !req
505. I Need Money,
he's a mute.
Copy !req
506. When we first hooked up,
he wrote on a slip of paper "I need money."
Copy !req
507. I said,
"Shit! Me, too."
Copy !req
508. We started making it
together after that.
Copy !req
509. Where he staying?
Copy !req
510. Harvard.
Copy !req
511. Lovell House.
Second floor, right on the couch.
Copy !req
512. But he's smoking
in our room. That's not legal.
Copy !req
513. Just be cool and
you might have some fun this semester.
Copy !req
514. Stupid.
Copy !req
515. NWA?
Copy !req
516. Kid, what do you know
about that?
Copy !req
517. Yeah, yeah. I love
Niggaz With Attitude.
Copy !req
518. Nobody, I repeat, nobody,
Copy !req
519. drops the N-bomb
up in here.
Copy !req
520. Nobody.
Copy !req
521. That go for you, too.
Copy !req
522. Hey, I am down with you, man.
Copy !req
523. You East Coast,
I Far East Coast.
Copy !req
524. I'm from Wisconsin.
Copy !req
525. Yo, Fresh and Funky.
Copy !req
526. Dean Cain wants to
see you in his office. Don't be late.
Copy !req
527. Gentlemen, this institution
has graduated
Copy !req
528. countless Fortune 500 CEQ's,
41 Nobel laureates, and six presidents.
Copy !req
529. Hey, Dean,
Copy !req
530. where's all them fly-ass women
the chancellor was talking about?
Copy !req
531. I mean, so far,
I only seen some stuck-up,
Copy !req
532. nerdy-ass-looking women
out there.
Copy !req
533. You were dropping
Cheetos
Copy !req
534. on an original 18th-century,
hand-woven tapestry!
Copy !req
535. You mean, this carpet?
Copy !req
536. This is out of my
personal collection.
Copy !req
537. I got this in
my travels to Nepal!
Copy !req
538. Man, I know the bitch that makes these rugs.
You know Wynena.
Copy !req
539. Yeah, I remember
that bitch.
Copy !req
540. It means
the world to me!
Copy !req
541. Now, as I was saying,
here at Harvard, we have very high standards.
Copy !req
542. Any student
on a scholarship
Copy !req
543. must maintain at least
a 2.0 average, or you will be expelled.
Copy !req
544. It's good to know
we have the support of the faculty, Dean.
Copy !req
545. And don't you worry.
Me and Jamal here...
Copy !req
546. We're all about
good grades.
Copy !req
547. Is that right, Mr. King?
Copy !req
548. Hell, motherfucker...
I mean, yes, sir, Dean Cain, sir.
Copy !req
549. Now, how is carbon dioxide
changed into oxygen?
Copy !req
550. Plants, dick!
Copy !req
551. God! You guys!
Copy !req
552. Jamal, Jamal, Jamal.
Copy !req
553. Sleepyhead, wake up!
Copy !req
554. I got something
for your ass.
Copy !req
555. Come on, gentlemen! Pick it up,
if you want to be part of this squad!
Copy !req
556. Taxi!
Copy !req
557. Whew! What took you guys
so long?
Copy !req
558. Coach, I have not lost
an oar run in three years.
Copy !req
559. I'm wondering
if this guy cheated.
Copy !req
560. Cheated? Man, fuck you!
Copy !req
561. Why is fucking Dick Butt-Kiss
over here always riding me?
Copy !req
562. Dick Butt-Kiss?
Did you hear that, coach? He's cursing!
Copy !req
563. Bart, I think you better
go open up the boathouse.
Copy !req
564. - But, coach!
- Bart!
Copy !req
565. I don't think
you want to see this.
Copy !req
566. You, here.
Copy !req
567. Come here. Come here!
Copy !req
568. Nice comeback on the Dick
Butt-Kiss. I wish I could have said that.
Copy !req
569. His parents have been driving me crazy,
making my life a misery for years,
Copy !req
570. but they give lots of money
to the university.
Copy !req
571. I have to go to those
lousy cocktail parties.
Copy !req
572. She has lousy perfume,
and he has a lousy toupee.
Copy !req
573. Anyway, you keep
throwing zingers to this jerk-off,
Copy !req
574. and you're gonna
make the team, son.
Copy !req
575. And let that be a lesson to you!
This is the last time!
Copy !req
576. All right, rookies,
pushups! Get down!
Copy !req
577. Yo, yo, yo, what's up
with the fast stroll?
Copy !req
578. Can I holler?
Copy !req
579. Hi.
Copy !req
580. The role played
Copy !req
581. by the African Americans
in the history of this country
Copy !req
582. has been largely unnoticed.
Copy !req
583. Of course,
history is the record of an account of the past,
Copy !req
584. but the issue here is,
who is recording the account?
Copy !req
585. If it's snowflake,
whitey, paleface, peckerwoods, cracker.
Copy !req
586. Well, we got Cleopatra
looking like Elizabeth Taylor,
Copy !req
587. Jesus looks like a hippie
in a dashiki.
Copy !req
588. But if it's one of
my proud black people
Copy !req
589. doing the recording
of the account...
Copy !req
590. Yo, Silas!
Copy !req
591. Well, we might have Moses
looking like this fine black man, right here.
Copy !req
592. But black people
don't get any credit.
Copy !req
593. I'm sore
as a motherfucker, man.
Copy !req
594. Who invented
the air conditioner? A black man.
Copy !req
595. What's up, dogs?
Copy !req
596. Yo, son, I'm sore as a bitch in here, man.
And you know what else?
Copy !req
597. I'm gonna have to knock
that Bart character the fuck out.
Copy !req
598. Once again, a black man.
Copy !req
599. Can't this wait
till after class?
Copy !req
600. You're supposed to be
in here anyway.
Copy !req
601. This is black history.
Copy !req
602. Black history?
Copy !req
603. It look like all the black students
that was in here are history, nigga.
Copy !req
604. You telling me to "shh"?
See what I mean?
Copy !req
605. Fuck history.
Copy !req
606. Oh, that's right.
Copy !req
607. - Fuck history.
- Yeah, fuck history.
Copy !req
608. Mr. Moses, I expect
you'll be ready for your quiz tomorrow.
Copy !req
609. Quiz, my ass!
Copy !req
610. A white man teaching
black history, anyway, that's some bullshit.
Copy !req
611. I'm going to lunch
and take a nice long shit.
Copy !req
612. That's the kind of attitude
I like to hear. And where are you going?
Copy !req
613. We didn't land on Plymouth Rock.
Plymouth Rock landed on us.
Copy !req
614. Ooh, all right! Malcolm X!
Copy !req
615. Well, I'm glad someone's appreciating the
knowledge I'm trying to drop on you today.
Copy !req
616. What about you two? Why don't you
walk out in protest with your brothers?
Copy !req
617. Walk out on me! What are you doing
sitting there? You look like whitey.
Copy !req
618. You look like a couple
of goddamn Uncle Toms! Walk on out!
Copy !req
619. That's right,
get up and move! You should lynch me!
Copy !req
620. Lynch me, lynch me for what my people
have done to your people.
Copy !req
621. "Stand up for your rights!"
Move on up! Move on up!
Copy !req
622. Go, go, go.
Copy !req
623. Hey, what's up?
Copy !req
624. Stop!
Copy !req
625. Hey, what's going on here?
Copy !req
626. He stole my baby! Stop!
Copy !req
627. Bring my baby back!
Copy !req
628. Not my baby! Oh, God!
Copy !req
629. Oh, please, God!
Copy !req
630. Oh, my God! My wheels!
Copy !req
631. Oh, my horn!
Please, don't back up! Please, don't back up!
Copy !req
632. Hey, you!
Where's Elm and Third?
Copy !req
633. What?
Copy !req
634. Not forward!
Copy !req
635. That's not yours!
Copy !req
636. Look at these, bro!
Copy !req
637. No, don't put them in...
Oh, my baby!
Copy !req
638. Can anyone tell me
the name of this plant? Bart?
Copy !req
639. Oh, yeah.
It's a hanging rubber plant.
Copy !req
640. It's indigenous to
the wet drylands of the Northern Hemisphere.
Copy !req
641. Yeah, right, Bart.
Would you bet money on that?
Copy !req
642. Or is that below
the "Dooster principle"?
Copy !req
643. Yeah, I'll bet on it.
How about an SUV? I got three of them.
Copy !req
644. And the survey says,
"You lose."
Copy !req
645. It's a neem plant,
Professor.
Copy !req
646. Oui. It is, but how did you know that,
Silas?
Copy !req
647. I had this nasty-ass rash once.
Copy !req
648. Put a little neem plant on it,
cleared it up in an hour.
Copy !req
649. I even
smoked it before.
Copy !req
650. Well, that figures.
Copy !req
651. One thing it doesn't
cure, though, being a spoiled little bitch.
Copy !req
652. I'd like you all to do an experiment on a plant,
Copy !req
653. something that may
benefit mankind.
Copy !req
654. If you devise
something groundbreaking,
Copy !req
655. I guarantee you
an "A" in this course.
Copy !req
656. Class dismissed.
Copy !req
657. - Good work, everyone.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
658. Keep up the good work.
Copy !req
659. So he likes plants, does he?
Copy !req
660. I see still waters
run deep.
Copy !req
661. Please believe.
Copy !req
662. But wait till you
see my presentation.
Copy !req
663. You're gonna love me
after that.
Copy !req
664. So, Lauren, you might
as well tell him now and get it over with.
Copy !req
665. What?
Copy !req
666. You know. How you said
you're starting
Copy !req
667. to see Bart for
the shallow bastard that he is
Copy !req
668. and, eventually,
you're gonna leave his ass for me.
Copy !req
669. Holler.
Copy !req
670. This semester
in women's studies, we will discuss
Copy !req
671. how women are objectified
in popular culture,
Copy !req
672. while the masculine bastards
exploit women's ideas for great profit,
Copy !req
673. then take all the credit.
Jamal!
Copy !req
674. You have
the most amazing
Copy !req
675. pens.
Copy !req
676. Yes, I do.
Copy !req
677. Hell, yeah.
Copy !req
678. So, you're playing
grabby-ass again, huh?
Copy !req
679. Ma!
Copy !req
680. Did you wash
your ass today?
Copy !req
681. Damn, Ma! Stop, Ma!
Copy !req
682. You high yet?
Copy !req
683. I don't know, man.
Maybe not high enough.
Copy !req
684. Where the hell is he?
Copy !req
685. Maybe I didn't
hit it hard enough.
Copy !req
686. What are you doing in there?
Dropping your kids off at the pool?
Copy !req
687. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
688. Hey, what's up, J?
Give me five.
Copy !req
689. Yo, I hate it
when you do that.
Copy !req
690. I love that funny shit.
Copy !req
691. What took you
so long, man?
Copy !req
692. Biggie and 'Pac,
they throwing a party.
Copy !req
693. Open bar all night, man.
Everything was cool, man,
Copy !req
694. till Marvin Gaye
came in there tripping.
Copy !req
695. - Marvin Gaye?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
696. Listen, man, we got a test
in about five minutes.
Copy !req
697. Word.
Copy !req
698. What's that got to do with me, baby?
I know you're ready, I know you studied for it.
Copy !req
699. Ready?
We ain't studied...
Copy !req
700. Come on.
Copy !req
701. You have a golden
opportunity here
Copy !req
702. to make something of yourself,
and you throwing it away?
Copy !req
703. It's time for you
to learn a lesson, dog.
Copy !req
704. Come on, Ive.
Copy !req
705. - I'm out, man.
- lve!
Copy !req
706. - Don't play!
- Yo, talk to your boy, man.
Copy !req
707. Why you wanna tell him
we ain't studied for the test?
Copy !req
708. Damn all that!
Copy !req
709. You should've
thought about all that...
Copy !req
710. What's up!
Copy !req
711. I was just fucking
with you, man.
Copy !req
712. Come on, son.
Copy !req
713. This is
some good shit.
Copy !req
714. You know
you my boy, man.
Copy !req
715. "C," Silas.
Come on, man. The Portuguese.
Copy !req
716. 1863. That's "B."
Copy !req
717. J, what are
you doing? 1961.
Copy !req
718. "B"?
Copy !req
719. Trust me.
I got all the answers.
Copy !req
720. You just told me
that answer.
Copy !req
721. "A," French.
Definitely the French.
Copy !req
722. Goddamn virgins.
At least y'all being entertained.
Copy !req
723. I ain't seen a stitch of pussy
on this whole campus.
Copy !req
724. The chickens are not
clucking around here.
Copy !req
725. You've come to
the right place.
Copy !req
726. I've been an undergrad
for 12 years.
Copy !req
727. I know everything
there is to know about lvy League women.
Copy !req
728. Twelve years?
Damn, kid.
Copy !req
729. Your people paying
for all this shit?
Copy !req
730. A drop in the bucket, sucker.
I remain here solely for the purpose of
Copy !req
731. hooking up
with Harvard women.
Copy !req
732. Short ones, tall ones,
skinny ones, chunky ones.
Copy !req
733. Man, I'd love me a fat chick,
man. More cushion for the pushing.
Copy !req
734. Yes. I want "to boldly go
where no man has gone before."
Copy !req
735. I am an explorer.
Copy !req
736. I see you are very much
liking to explore STDs, also, my friend.
Copy !req
737. That shit on your lip,
got some shit on its lip, dog.
Copy !req
738. Is that why no puff-puff?
Pass the dutchy, my friends.
Copy !req
739. This is nothing!
I cut myself shaving.
Copy !req
740. Yeah, whatever.
Copy !req
741. We need to start
importing some hos.
Copy !req
742. Molly, get in here!
You have to see this!
Copy !req
743. Oh, my!
Copy !req
744. Look at those muscles!
Copy !req
745. He is quite
attractive.
Copy !req
746. Indeed.
Copy !req
747. I think there's some freak
in those geeks.
Copy !req
748. - Yeah!
- Here you go.
Copy !req
749. Ooh!
Copy !req
750. Don't get the wrong idea.
We've never done anything like this before.
Copy !req
751. We're virgins.
Copy !req
752. Virgins?
No, you're not.
Copy !req
753. Yes, we are.
Copy !req
754. - Nah!
- Yes.
Copy !req
755. No, no, no.
Copy !req
756. Yes, yes, yes.
Copy !req
757. No, no, no!
Copy !req
758. Yes, yes, yes!
Copy !req
759. Hey, bro, you got change
for a twenty?
Copy !req
760. History!
Copy !req
761. Got an "A plus,"
my nigga.
Copy !req
762. Who is that?
Copy !req
763. That is all me, G.
Copy !req
764. That's the vice president's
daughter,
Copy !req
765. as in vice president
of the United States.
Copy !req
766. What? Jamal, you don't want that.
Them girls only know three words,
Copy !req
767. stop, no and don't.
Copy !req
768. Uh-uh, my brother.
You got those words backwards.
Copy !req
769. They always tell me,
"No, don't stop!"
Copy !req
770. Excuse me.
Copy !req
771. Player, player.
Copy !req
772. I'm about to tear
this ass up right here.
Copy !req
773. Sorry, sir. Jamie's not
accepting any male callers at this time.
Copy !req
774. Man, I ain't calling.
I'm right here.
Copy !req
775. Cedric, step aside.
Copy !req
776. Whoo-wee!
Copy !req
777. What's your name?
Copy !req
778. I'm Jamal.
Copy !req
779. You ever been
arrested, Jamal?
Copy !req
780. Uh... No.
Copy !req
781. Ever busted up your mother's house and then
slapped her when she asked you about it?
Copy !req
782. Hell, no!
You crazy?
Copy !req
783. You ain't my type.
Copy !req
784. Wait 2 minute!
Copy !req
785. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
786. I once got arrested
for stealing a car one time,
Copy !req
787. but my mother
dropped the charges.
Copy !req
788. Well, it's not a felony,
but maybe we can work with that.
Copy !req
789. Yo!
Copy !req
790. - I didn't mean to scare you.
- Um...
Copy !req
791. Can I come in?
Copy !req
792. Sure, come on in.
Copy !req
793. Move my things.
There you go. You can sit there.
Copy !req
794. Thank you.
How very thoughtful.
Copy !req
795. You'll have to
pardon my desk.
Copy !req
796. I've got a lot of
artifacts and delicate things down here.
Copy !req
797. What's this shit?
Looks old.
Copy !req
798. Oh, it is old.
Copy !req
799. It's over
200 years old.
Copy !req
800. I sort of
discovered it.
Copy !req
801. You discovered
all this crazy shit.
Copy !req
802. You're a straight-up
genius, girl.
Copy !req
803. Well, I don't know
about all that.
Copy !req
804. I do know it's Ben Franklin's.
I just don't know what it is.
Copy !req
805. But I was thinking that
it could be this old revolutionary cannon,
Copy !req
806. or a telescope, or...
Copy !req
807. Whatever it is,
this shit is hot.
Copy !req
808. Let me
ask you something.
Copy !req
809. Yeah.
Copy !req
810. How'd you hook up
with that Bart dude?
Copy !req
811. I've known Bart
all my life,
Copy !req
812. and if it weren't for his family,
I probably wouldn't be here.
Copy !req
813. Isn't that sweet?
Copy !req
814. Look, you got
a little something on your dress.
Copy !req
815. My eyes.
Copy !req
816. Aha!
Copy !req
817. Bart, honey, sweetie,
you are just in time,
Copy !req
818. because I've just
finished studying.
Copy !req
819. - Studying?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
820. I didn't know the two of you
were studying in here,
Copy !req
821. alone, with the lights dimmed,
drinking beer!
Copy !req
822. Look Silas, I know what you're trying to
do, okay? You're trying to "frick" her!
Copy !req
823. Whatever, Bart-kowski.
Listen, I was just admiring your girl's thing.
Copy !req
824. Oh, well, I guess
I should say thanks.
Copy !req
825. This is a part
of history, man.
Copy !req
826. Your girl is doing something
I think you need to recognize.
Copy !req
827. Yeah? So?
Copy !req
828. Listen, I'm out.
Copy !req
829. Maybe next time
I'll get to study with you. Peace.
Copy !req
830. "Peace" is meant to explain
a state of tranquility.
Copy !req
831. So why don't you try thinking
of another way to say goodbye now that
Copy !req
832. you're amongst
civilized people?
Copy !req
833. Well, Mr. Civilized,
"peace" can also be used interjectionally
Copy !req
834. as a request,
greeting or farewell.
Copy !req
835. So try to find another way
to be an asshole,
Copy !req
836. if you don't know
your grammar, that is.
Copy !req
837. Peace.
Copy !req
838. Okay, Bart.
Copy !req
839. God! Can I get
my stuff?
Copy !req
840. Sheesh.
Copy !req
841. Yes.
Copy !req
842. It was near
the medical library.
Copy !req
843. I think they said
it was one of those tick-tocky, blow-uppy,
Copy !req
844. exploding-thingy,
pipe bomb thing-things.
Copy !req
845. Yeah. Yeah.
Copy !req
846. Thank you. You, too.
Copy !req
847. All righty. Bye.
Copy !req
848. "Dooster principle," my ass.
Copy !req
849. Man, my grandmother
would love this shit in her garden.
Copy !req
850. Outta here.
Copy !req
851. Locked on, boys.
Copy !req
852. Yee-hah!
Copy !req
853. Timber!
Copy !req
854. That statue was priceless.
It means everything to our family.
Copy !req
855. Will you stop
your damn sniveling, son?
Copy !req
856. Buck up, Bart!
Buck up!
Copy !req
857. Yo. Do you think they gonna find
out we stole the Dooster statue?
Copy !req
858. Hell, no.
Copy !req
859. Oh, my God!
I knew it.
Copy !req
860. You guys
stole the Dooster!
Copy !req
861. They do what?
Copy !req
862. Fellas, it's time
we all sat down and kicked it.
Copy !req
863. No, no, no.
I'm not kicking anything.
Copy !req
864. I have a pledge meeting to go to
and I still haven't greased myself up.
Copy !req
865. God, I just don't
get you guys.
Copy !req
866. There's a lot of
things in life your ass just don't get.
Copy !req
867. Yeah, like pussy
and respect.
Copy !req
868. I heard that.
Copy !req
869. See, the system is geared to put most of the
wealth into the hands of a few.
Copy !req
870. Rich weapons,
poor schooling.
Copy !req
871. Yeah,
that's for sure.
Copy !req
872. Yeah, for sure.
Copy !req
873. Y'all don't know shit. I'm gonna
learns you, though. I'm gonna learns you.
Copy !req
874. Dwarves, midgets,
motherfucking unicorns.
Copy !req
875. Motherfuckers
don't want to see a black man make it.
Copy !req
876. - Yeah.
- Know what I mean?
Copy !req
877. For sure.
Copy !req
878. I'll tell you
something else.
Copy !req
879. For sure.
Copy !req
880. Word up, Young MC.
You're just in time to help cheer us to victory.
Copy !req
881. Young MC!
Copy !req
882. Bart, you know, I think you keep getting
funnier every day.
Copy !req
883. You ain't gonna be laughing
in a minute, motherfucker.
Copy !req
884. Bart, I've decided since
you and Jamal are my two best athletes,
Copy !req
885. I want you up
against Yale.
Copy !req
886. You can't just change
the line-up! That's against the rules!
Copy !req
887. What rules? Who cares?
Do you guys care about the rules?
Copy !req
888. - No.
- There you go.
Copy !req
889. In the far lane, we have Yale.
Copy !req
890. In the near lane,
we have Harvard.
Copy !req
891. On your mark, get set,
Copy !req
892. And they're off!
It's a clean start.
Copy !req
893. What are you doing,
hip-hop hooray? Paddle!
Copy !req
894. Paddle like a man!
Shoot the J! Get jiggy with it. Something.
Copy !req
895. They're blowing Harvard's ass
out of the water.
Copy !req
896. Jamal, what is your ass doing rowing a
boat? You supposed to be in class.
Copy !req
897. Who the hell is
that woman in the sky?
Copy !req
898. I don't know.
Copy !req
899. What's the matter?
You been smoking too much ganja, huh?
Copy !req
900. She's huge!
Copy !req
901. Well, I guess you might as well
come hack home and live with me.
Copy !req
902. Oh, hell, no!
Copy !req
903. Did you cuss at me?
Copy !req
904. Row, motherfucker, row!
Copy !req
905. Yes, Dean Cain.
Am I to believe this is correct?
Copy !req
906. Jamal and Silas
have gotten all "A's"?
Copy !req
907. I'll call you back.
Copy !req
908. How you doing, Dean?
How you doing? How you been?
Copy !req
909. I see you're
checking out my gear, eh?
Copy !req
910. Pretty tight, right?
Copy !req
911. No, actually,
it's rather baggy.
Copy !req
912. No, man.
It's phat, dope, cool. It's Bufu, man.
Copy !req
913. Bill, what has
happened to you?
Copy !req
914. Sit down and take off
those glasses.
Copy !req
915. All righty.
Copy !req
916. Tell me,
how is Jamal doing?
Copy !req
917. Oh, fine, very well.
Yeah, he's coming along.
Copy !req
918. Now listen, Jamie's father
is having an upcoming election,
Copy !req
919. and it won't look good if she was to be
involved with someone from the lower class.
Copy !req
920. Isn't Jamie a freshman?
Copy !req
921. All right, so you want me to tell Jamal
to stop seeing Jamie?
Copy !req
922. I could do that,
but he'll just tell me, "Hey, man..."
Copy !req
923. Fuck you.
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Copy !req
924. Point well taken.
I need you to help me get proof
Copy !req
925. that Jamal
is diddling Jamie.
Copy !req
926. Oh, I see now, yes.
It's all good, yeah.
Copy !req
927. I'll go holler at him, son.
Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
928. Bill, did you
just call me "son"?
Copy !req
929. Word.
Copy !req
930. "Word"?
Copy !req
931. Stroke, smoke.
Copy !req
932. Stroke, smoke.
Copy !req
933. - Good.
- Stroke, smoke.
Copy !req
934. Stroke, smoke.
Stroke, smoke.
Copy !req
935. If Dean Cain think
he can kick me out the school that easy,
Copy !req
936. he got another
thing coming.
Copy !req
937. What an asshole.
Copy !req
938. Hey Coach, thanks a lot, man.
I owe you.
Copy !req
939. Ooh!
Copy !req
940. Listen, Jamie.
Me and you cannot see each other no more.
Copy !req
941. No more dating,
no more fooling around.
Copy !req
942. None of that.
Stop. That's it.
Copy !req
943. Yes, it's probably
better if we stop seeing each other,
Copy !req
944. for the sake of
my father's campaign.
Copy !req
945. If he lost the election
and it was my fault,
Copy !req
946. gosh, golly, that would
be so hard on me.
Copy !req
947. I don't think
I could live with myself.
Copy !req
948. Look, baby, maybe it would be better
if you went to school somewhere down south.
Copy !req
949. I think you should go
down south first!
Copy !req
950. This guy's
a real asshole.
Copy !req
951. I can't.
I can't do it, all right?
Copy !req
952. Will you bring your ass on! We've got
work to do before Dean Dickhead gets back.
Copy !req
953. - Mean!
- Come on!
Copy !req
954. Aren't you worried
about getting kicked out?
Copy !req
955. For this?
He ain't gonna never find out. Relax.
Copy !req
956. What happen to bird?
Crazy shitting everywhere?
Copy !req
957. Crazy shit, all right,
and it will be everywhere.
Copy !req
958. With that,
they just won't shit.
Copy !req
959. Yeah.
Copy !req
960. They're gonna blow up.
Copy !req
961. And, as for you two,
Copy !req
962. ever since you arrived on this campus,
there's been several mishaps.
Copy !req
963. Now, my instincts tell me it's you,
but I can't prove it. Not yet.
Copy !req
964. But I know if I give you enough time,
pretty soon you're going to slip up
Copy !req
965. and then I'll be able to send you back
to your miserable existence.
Copy !req
966. What the hell are you wearing?
Copy !req
967. Bufu!
Copy !req
968. Bufu?
Copy !req
969. "By Us, Fuck You!"
Copy !req
970. Get out! Out!
Out, out, out!
Copy !req
971. "By Us, Fuck You."
Copy !req
972. If the chancellor's
throwing a Halloween party,
Copy !req
973. wait till Harvard see
our Halloween party!
Copy !req
974. Yeah, but if Dean Cain
find out about this shit,
Copy !req
975. he gonna be mad
as a motherfucker.
Copy !req
976. What the fuck
is he gonna do? We've got the Ivory
Copy !req
977. making straight "A's."
Copy !req
978. We've got this
motherfucker locked.
Copy !req
979. They look like they got money.
Oh, he kinda cute.
Copy !req
980. Girl, we gonna get paid!
Copy !req
981. How you doing?
Copy !req
982. For real!
Copy !req
983. End Table Ass!
Copy !req
984. Hella Back!
Copy !req
985. Where the party at?
We're trying to get a party on.
Copy !req
986. We having a party.
Costume party at the Lovell House.
Copy !req
987. 11:00 p.m.
Copy !req
988. Please bring your ass
and titties along with you.
Copy !req
989. We want all the hos
out here to come.
Copy !req
990. - Wait a minute, did you just call us hos?
- Oh, no, uh-uh.
Copy !req
991. I meant that
in a good way.
Copy !req
992. Okay.
Copy !req
993. Bring all your horny friends.
There you go. Just bring all the hos.
Copy !req
994. Y'all gonna
pay us, right?
Copy !req
995. I don't hear nothing.
Copy !req
996. Yeah, we got dough.
Copy !req
997. We got dough.
If not, our best friends got dough.
Copy !req
998. And if not,
their best friends got dough.
Copy !req
999. Yeah, we gonna come.
Copy !req
1000. Ballers and stuff
gonna be there?
Copy !req
1001. Ass, titties, ballers.
Come on, girl!
Copy !req
1002. We gonna be there.
Copy !req
1003. Al right!
Copy !req
1004. Popcorn player.
Copy !req
1005. I got one more
delivery to make.
Copy !req
1006. Guess who used
to be black?
Copy !req
1007. Dean Cain.
But he is black.
Copy !req
1008. Like a polar bear,
but I got a recipe
Copy !req
1009. that'll inject
some ghetto back in his ass.
Copy !req
1010. Got some
more beer.
Copy !req
1011. What did you do to yourself?
Copy !req
1012. Oh, the Fox Club.
Copy !req
1013. They put me
in a shopping cart and shoved me down a hill.
Copy !req
1014. Thank God I fell out
before I hit the freeway.
Copy !req
1015. What the fuck are you doing?
Copy !req
1016. Put the milk back!
You're not supposed to steal from us!
Copy !req
1017. Why are you always taking
violent tones with people?
Copy !req
1018. Man, shut up before
I kick your ass.
Copy !req
1019. As human beings,
Copy !req
1020. we should be able
to talk this out, not resort to violence.
Copy !req
1021. How you gonna talk
when you shutting up?
Copy !req
1022. Fine! Fine!
Copy !req
1023. You want some violence?
You want a piece of this?
Copy !req
1024. Come on!
I'll show you some violence! Come on!
Copy !req
1025. Oh, God!
Copy !req
1026. Now go to time out.
Go to your room.
Copy !req
1027. I wonder
who this could be.
Copy !req
1028. Oh, my goodness.
Honey, look at this.
Copy !req
1029. I wonder
who these are from.
Copy !req
1030. "Dear Carl,
saw these and thought of you.
Copy !req
1031. "Love, Mrs. Ray."
Copy !req
1032. It's my old schoolmarm!
Copy !req
1033. I haven't heard
from her in years!
Copy !req
1034. Oh, how sweet.
Copy !req
1035. She knows
I love brownies.
Copy !req
1036. A little piece
of heaven.
Copy !req
1037. Better than mine?
Copy !req
1038. Darling, I don't remember
you cooking brownies.
Copy !req
1039. You're right, I don't, I don't.
Copy !req
1040. Hurry up, darling. You're going to
make us late, and you know I hate to be late.
Copy !req
1041. Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Copy !req
1042. All right.
I'll take these upstairs.
Copy !req
1043. I'll have another one.
They're great.
Copy !req
1044. Throw me a beer,
you big weenie!
Copy !req
1045. Lovell House!
Copy !req
1046. Cypress Hill.
What up, fellas?
Copy !req
1047. What's up?
Copy !req
1048. - How was the trip?
- Good. Good.
Copy !req
1049. I see Muggs couldn't make it,
so I brought my man I Need Money.
Copy !req
1050. Is he any good?
Copy !req
1051. He don't talk.
He speaks with his hands.
Copy !req
1052. Right, right.
Copy !req
1053. - You have a good show. I'm out.
- Thank you, brother. Peace.
Copy !req
1054. Hey, hey.
Hey.
Copy !req
1055. Don't fuck up tonight,
all right?
Copy !req
1056. What the fuck
is the plate for, man?
Copy !req
1057. Gonna be a long night.
Copy !req
1058. - Carl.
- Philip.
Copy !req
1059. - How are you?
- Wonderful.
Copy !req
1060. You know Ms. Janowitz,
from the chemistry department.
Copy !req
1061. Ms. Lovell,
from administration.
Copy !req
1062. And of course
you know my wife Sheila.
Copy !req
1063. I almost didn't recognize you. I thought you'd
brought a professional model to the party.
Copy !req
1064. You look lovely.
Copy !req
1065. Oh, Philip.
Copy !req
1066. Yeah, the bitch
is fine, isn't she?
Copy !req
1067. What?
Copy !req
1068. Dear, can you at least
feign some interest? You're embarrassing me.
Copy !req
1069. And will you loosen up?
You're so stiff sometimes.
Copy !req
1070. Stiff?
Copy !req
1071. Bart, this party is stiff.
Excuse me, can you hold this? I'm hot.
Copy !req
1072. Can you put this back on,
actually? Your butt is sticking out.
Copy !req
1073. What?
Copy !req
1074. What a jerk!
Copy !req
1075. Don't spoil your appetite, Dean.
We're about to have lobster bisque
Copy !req
1076. and Indian pudding
that doesn't stop.
Copy !req
1077. I got the munchies
like a motherfucker. Hold this, baby.
Copy !req
1078. He seems
unusual tonight.
Copy !req
1079. He's dehydrated.
Copy !req
1080. Dance!
Copy !req
1081. Yo, baby,
this is boring as hell! Yo, yo, yo, yo, deejay!
Copy !req
1082. Hit me!
Copy !req
1083. I told you I had you covered.
There go the two big ballers right there.
Copy !req
1084. You two stay put.
Copy !req
1085. I'm gonna hurt you!
Copy !req
1086. Yo, J. Yo, T.
Copy !req
1087. See those two
fine-ass hos right there?
Copy !req
1088. Don't you wish they were really hos and
they came over here and said,
Copy !req
1089. "We want to run
a dick-sucking marathon with y'all two"?
Copy !req
1090. Yeah, |I'd like that.
Copy !req
1091. Me, too!
Copy !req
1092. Okay. You and you.
Copy !req
1093. We want to run
a dick-suckin' marathon with y'all.
Copy !req
1094. Okay.
Copy !req
1095. I'm not that good at it.
Copy !req
1096. Baby, I ain't laughing.
I'm gonna make you mine.
Copy !req
1097. Smells good.
Copy !req
1098. Pretty boy-looking
motherfucker.
Copy !req
1099. Hey, don't be scared.
It's only pussy.
Copy !req
1100. Don't be scared.
Copy !req
1101. I got two inches
of hard dick!
Copy !req
1102. I'll work with you, baby.
Come on.
Copy !req
1103. "Costume party.
Lovell House. Friday."
Copy !req
1104. It is Friday.
Copy !req
1105. But that's what
she told Cocoa Butter.
Copy !req
1106. Now these bitches better be
out here getting my money.
Copy !req
1107. Hella Back
is my bottom bitch.
Copy !req
1108. You know that, right?
Copy !req
1109. Right. Powder.
Copy !req
1110. Bitch better be out here
checking my motherfucking money.
Copy !req
1111. Don't cuss
when I'm trying to listen to the Word.
Copy !req
1112. The Lord don't like that.
Copy !req
1113. What did I say?
Copy !req
1114. You said "bitch,"
and "bitch" ain't in the Bible.
Copy !req
1115. I know, bitch.
Neither is "motherfucker."
Copy !req
1116. So drive this
motherfucking car!
Copy !req
1117. And you an assistant pimp.
You ain't even a real pimp.
Copy !req
1118. So you supposed to be cosigning
to the shit that I say.
Copy !req
1119. You wanna lose your job?
I will pull your motherfucking application.
Copy !req
1120. Now let's practice it.
Where's my bitches?
Copy !req
1121. Where's my bitches?
Copy !req
1122. - Where's my bitches?
- Where's my bitches?
Copy !req
1123. You gotta say it together.
It goes in together.
Copy !req
1124. Where's my bitches?
Copy !req
1125. Okay, check this out.
Where's my bitches?
Copy !req
1126. Can't you just
say employees?
Copy !req
1127. What about your employees?
No, fuck that!
Copy !req
1128. Great ass!
Copy !req
1129. Go! Go! Go!
Copy !req
1130. - Silas, hi.
- Hey, hey.
Copy !req
1131. Let me ask you a question.
Don't laugh, but...
Copy !req
1132. Does my ass look fat?
Copy !req
1133. No. I say, put another one on the front
of you just like it,
Copy !req
1134. I'll slap both them
motherfuckers.
Copy !req
1135. Here. Peer pressure,
peer pressure, peer pressure...
Copy !req
1136. Come on.
Let me holler at you.
Copy !req
1137. Okay.
Copy !req
1138. Oh, that's my song!
Copy !req
1139. What's this?
Copy !req
1140. You got
a big sword, baby!
Copy !req
1141. I have to go prepare.
Copy !req
1142. You ain't got to
do shit, baby,
Copy !req
1143. except climb
out of this costume
Copy !req
1144. and climb into
some pussy, baby.
Copy !req
1145. You have to appreciate
the colorful use of English language.
Copy !req
1146. Give me that
Chinese egg roll fuck!
Copy !req
1147. I love Americal
Copy !req
1148. Let it be something
he is involved in,
Copy !req
1149. and I better be
the biggest cheerleader.
Copy !req
1150. He's a huge baby!
Copy !req
1151. I hear you
with your fine ass.
Copy !req
1152. But pass the blunt, boo!
Damn, you hogging the whole shit!
Copy !req
1153. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1154. I must be buzzed.
I'm babbling.
Copy !req
1155. You know,
you surprised me by getting high.
Copy !req
1156. I'm not that much
of a square, Silas.
Copy !req
1157. I did do it once
in high school.
Copy !req
1158. What about you?
We all have secrets.
Copy !req
1159. Well, if you act right,
I might just let you in my head one day.
Copy !req
1160. Whatever.
Copy !req
1161. But I ain't saying shit
on the first date.
Copy !req
1162. Who said this was a date?
Copy !req
1163. You smoked my weed,
didn't you? And we almost kissed, didn't we?
Copy !req
1164. - We did not.
- Yes, we did.
Copy !req
1165. - We did not.
- Here, hit this.
Copy !req
1166. My bad.
Copy !req
1167. Did I spoil the moment?
I can't help it, though.
Copy !req
1168. You know what?
Copy !req
1169. Them shits
was talking to me.
Copy !req
1170. Oh, my God, look at them.
Turn the headlights off!
Copy !req
1171. I'm gonna tell you something.
Copy !req
1172. This pimping that I got in my blood,
it came from a family tree.
Copy !req
1173. My granddaddy was a pimp.
Copy !req
1174. My great-great-
great-granddaddy was a pimp.
Copy !req
1175. I'm talking about pimping been since
pimping since been pimping...
Copy !req
1176. It's in
your bloodline.
Copy !req
1177. It's in my blood
and you'll never be that.
Copy !req
1178. - Why?
- Because you was born,
Copy !req
1179. all the people
in your family were assistant pimps.
Copy !req
1180. You's a pimp.
I never deny you that.
Copy !req
1181. I thought you was
the one the Lord chose.
Copy !req
1182. If it hadn't been
for the Lord,
Copy !req
1183. I wouldn't have not had
not a bitch come into my life.
Copy !req
1184. - Not had not a?
- Not had not a bitch!
Copy !req
1185. Nobody say "Not had not a"
like you say "Not had not a."
Copy !req
1186. Not had not a bitch.
Copy !req
1187. I still don't know
what that shit means, but it sounds good!
Copy !req
1188. "Not had not a" means
"don't get a not nothing."
Copy !req
1189. Now nothing?
Copy !req
1190. A now nothing
out of them.
Copy !req
1191. Bitch, shut up and
drive this fucking car.
Copy !req
1192. Raging party
with open beer cans in hallway.
Copy !req
1193. What's this?
Copy !req
1194. Sterilize hands tonight. Sterilize hands
tonight with antibacterial cream many times.
Copy !req
1195. What do we have here?
Copy !req
1196. Nothing.
Copy !req
1197. Aha!
Copy !req
1198. Multi-socket
extension cubes.
Copy !req
1199. This is against
campus fire code, Section 1743,
Copy !req
1200. "Thou shalt not allow
multi-socket extension cubes in dorm rooms."
Copy !req
1201. The extension cords themselves are
intertwined in the most flammable of ways,
Copy !req
1202. and they are producing
an immense amount of heat.
Copy !req
1203. They could cause an ignition
at any point and...
Copy !req
1204. Well, I'll be damned.
What is that?
Copy !req
1205. It's just a baby.
Copy !req
1206. This ain't no damn baby. What kind of shit
is that hanging out the back?
Copy !req
1207. I need to get her home.
Excuse me.
Copy !req
1208. - Where you going with that?
- Come on.
Copy !req
1209. Where them motherfucking
bitches at?
Copy !req
1210. Look at that
little bitty bitch. Look.
Copy !req
1211. Hey, little bitty bitch.
Copy !req
1212. You little bitch,
you better get off of me. Where's my bitches?
Copy !req
1213. Yo, what's up, homey?
Copy !req
1214. - Where my bitches at?
- Where are our bitches?
Copy !req
1215. You got the voice down,
but those outfits no good.
Copy !req
1216. What's wrong
with my shit?
Copy !req
1217. Homey, please.
Copy !req
1218. Your Halloween costume.
If you pimp, you broke pimp.
Copy !req
1219. You know you're
fucked up, Woody.
Copy !req
1220. Come on with it.
Copy !req
1221. Baby powder?
Copy !req
1222. What smell that is?
Copy !req
1223. You changing diapers?
Copy !req
1224. What the fuck
is all this?
Copy !req
1225. What y'all three
bitches want?
Copy !req
1226. Tell them, Powder!
Copy !req
1227. We already got pussy here.
Y'all come back later.
Copy !req
1228. I'm about to
knock you the fuck out.
Copy !req
1229. I'm gonna do
the knocking out.
Copy !req
1230. Come on with it.
Copy !req
1231. Where you going?
You gotta stay.
Copy !req
1232. A party ain't
a party without you.
Copy !req
1233. Damn, you smelly
little fucker!
Copy !req
1234. Plus, there's no room
in the limo!
Copy !req
1235. I'll be back
for you, man.
Copy !req
1236. You ain't gonna
need that.
Copy !req
1237. Cops!
Copy !req
1238. Somebody owes me for one night's worth
of flat-back fucking up in here!
Copy !req
1239. Whoa!
Copy !req
1240. This is exhilarating.
But don't get the wrong idea.
Copy !req
1241. Megan and I have never done
anything like this before.
Copy !req
1242. - We're virgins.
- Yeah, both of us.
Copy !req
1243. Molly and I
are really into D'Angelo. Do you have any?
Copy !req
1244. Ain't that a...
Hell, no, we ain't got no...
Copy !req
1245. And let me let you know something.
Copy !req
1246. While you're sitting in this car,
you don't run shit.
Copy !req
1247. Tell them, Powder.
Copy !req
1248. Dick drives this car,
not pussy.
Copy !req
1249. You think
it's funny, bitch?
Copy !req
1250. This is pimping here.
I been on Wheel of Fortune, Price is Right.
Copy !req
1251. Bitch, come on with it.
Copy !req
1252. You'd rather piss off
a barracuda than piss off Powder.
Copy !req
1253. That's funny?
Keep on laughing. Bring your face over here.
Copy !req
1254. Play that shit!
Copy !req
1255. Wow.
Copy !req
1256. Man, come on.
You act like I took it. We'll just get some more.
Copy !req
1257. Man, ain't no more.
All of Ivory's ashes was in just that plant.
Copy !req
1258. Now come on, let's go see
what this Dean stick-up-his-ass wants.
Copy !req
1259. He probably gonna
curse us out about that wild-ass party.
Copy !req
1260. Man, that party
was not that wild.
Copy !req
1261. Yeah, it did get
a little out of hand.
Copy !req
1262. See what I'm saying?
Copy !req
1263. Sex novelties,
obscenity, fighting,
Copy !req
1264. indecent exposure,
Copy !req
1265. rock bands,
without a permit.
Copy !req
1266. Welcome, gentlemen,
to academic probation.
Copy !req
1267. Damn, who gonna
be our PO?
Copy !req
1268. How charmingly ghetto.
Copy !req
1269. You're dismissed.
Copy !req
1270. We ain't got no Ivory,
Copy !req
1271. we're about to get kicked
the fuck out of here,
Copy !req
1272. and what the fuck
are you doing?
Copy !req
1273. Oh, I'm working on
my truth serum.
Copy !req
1274. Why you gotta sound all
belligerent about my shit anyway?
Copy !req
1275. Belligerent?
Copy !req
1276. Yeah, belligerent.
Copy !req
1277. As in abusive
or truculent.
Copy !req
1278. Yo, you keep on using
them big-ass Harvard words
Copy !req
1279. and your ghetto pass
is gonna get revoked, buddy.
Copy !req
1280. Why don't you go pick up
a book or something?
Copy !req
1281. If I get this shit right,
I get an "A" in botany class.
Copy !req
1282. Motherfucker.
Copy !req
1283. When I was 12,
I used to love watching my dogs hump.
Copy !req
1284. We used to have
a good time.
Copy !req
1285. What the fuck is that?
Copy !req
1286. I'm gonna have to
tweak this shit a little.
Copy !req
1287. Me hungry.
Copy !req
1288. I say we
burn them books,
Copy !req
1289. go to that graveyard,
find us a smart dead guy,
Copy !req
1290. and smoke
his skeleton ass.
Copy !req
1291. We sit down, blaze up,
Copy !req
1292. hit the books
for a few hours a day, we got this.
Copy !req
1293. I'm telling you.
We don't need no smart dead guy.
Copy !req
1294. That's what
I'm talking about.
Copy !req
1295. Light that shit up.
Copy !req
1296. Hit them books!
Copy !req
1297. These are our midterms?
Copy !req
1298. See what I'm saying? All "Fs," son.
Copy !req
1299. We are fucked.
Fucked, fucked, fucked, fucked!
Copy !req
1300. How did [ fail
women's studies? I love bitches!
Copy !req
1301. What are we doing?
Copy !req
1302. Looking for
a smart dead guy.
Copy !req
1303. Guys, hey!
This guy'll do. He's a president.
Copy !req
1304. Yeah, he should know
all the fucking answers.
Copy !req
1305. Answers?
What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1306. Wait, no, no, no! You can't
dig up somebody's grave! That's disgusting!
Copy !req
1307. You guys don't think
that there's anything wrong with this?
Copy !req
1308. You guys are fucked up!
What are you gonna do with this now?
Copy !req
1309. Shit!
Copy !req
1310. Stop acting
like a little bitch! Get the body.
Copy !req
1311. What the fuck
are you doing?
Copy !req
1312. Get the body.
Copy !req
1313. You should have some more respect
for an ex-president, asshole.
Copy !req
1314. Come on.
Put this shit on your back.
Copy !req
1315. Oh, God! No!
Copy !req
1316. Shut up before
I smack the shit out of you.
Copy !req
1317. Come on, come on.
Copy !req
1318. Oh, my God. It's so good.
Copy !req
1319. Fly!
Copy !req
1320. Yo, Silas.
What's up, dog?
Copy !req
1321. Who are you?
Do you see me?
Copy !req
1322. Relax, relax!
Copy !req
1323. Open, window!
Open, window!
Copy !req
1324. Yo, what the fuck
are we gonna do now?
Copy !req
1325. Fuck you think we gonna do?
We gonna smoke his ass,
Copy !req
1326. then we gonna start
asking questions.
Copy !req
1327. Wait a minute.
Copy !req
1328. Didn't you put the ashes
in the soil before you grew the plant?
Copy !req
1329. We ain't got no time
for that shit, all right?
Copy !req
1330. We gotta grind him now.
Get this arm.
Copy !req
1331. No.
Copy !req
1332. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Copy !req
1333. This is
a motherfucking president, man.
Copy !req
1334. What the fuck are we doing?
Copy !req
1335. You want to stay
in Harvard, or what?
Copy !req
1336. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
Copy !req
1337. I Need Money,
did you check him
Copy !req
1338. for any jewelry, or
money on him, or anything?
Copy !req
1339. Fuck all that, man.
Listen, I'm cutting this arm now.
Copy !req
1340. Get the arm!
Get the arm, man.
Copy !req
1341. Y'all calm down!
We got this. Calm down.
Copy !req
1342. This is insane.
Copy !req
1343. You're a nasty
motherfucker!
Copy !req
1344. I can't smoke a finger!
Copy !req
1345. This shit's not working.
Copy !req
1346. What up, bro?
Copy !req
1347. I didn't know
that you guys were gonna be here.
Copy !req
1348. I saved your plant.
Copy !req
1349. What did you do to it?
This is a special plant.
Copy !req
1350. I know.
Copy !req
1351. You stole our plant!
Copy !req
1352. Damn right
he stole your plant.
Copy !req
1353. Yo, Silas, this idiot
smoked up all the plant.
Copy !req
1354. You're gonna have to study
on your own.
Copy !req
1355. Damn, they can't hear me
or see me. Tell them!
Copy !req
1356. Well, you know,
someone else was breaking in here.
Copy !req
1357. So I caught them. You can give me a
reward, like more of the plant.
Copy !req
1358. Man, we ain't got
no more goddamn plant!
Copy !req
1359. Hogging all the good shit.
Okay, that's fine! Let's go, Ivory.
Copy !req
1360. Wait. Ivory here?
Copy !req
1361. Yeah, maybe.
Copy !req
1362. - Repeat after me.
- Repeat after me.
Copy !req
1363. - Yo, dog.
- Yo, zo0g.
Copy !req
1364. - Dog.
- 20g.
Copy !req
1365. - You idiot.
- You idiot!
Copy !req
1366. - I'm disappearing.
- I'm disappearing.
Copy !req
1367. - What?
- What?
Copy !req
1368. - What?
- What?
Copy !req
1369. What?
Copy !req
1370. This reminds me
of my lab back at the crib.
Copy !req
1371. I have some of
the same stuff.
Copy !req
1372. How'd you get that?
Copy !req
1373. I stole it.
Copy !req
1374. Just place them
on the wall there.
Copy !req
1375. Well, well, well.
Copy !req
1376. Never thought I'd find
you two ghetto asses up in here studying.
Copy !req
1377. "Ghetto asses"?
Copy !req
1378. Oh, did I say that?
Copy !req
1379. Oh, it must be the effects
of the brownies you sent me.
Copy !req
1380. They must still be
in my system.
Copy !req
1381. Lauren.
Copy !req
1382. How's the project coming?
Copy !req
1383. Fine. As a matter of fact,
I'm going to check on that right now.
Copy !req
1384. I got to go.
Copy !req
1385. Yo, Dean.
Why you gotta be a hater?
Copy !req
1386. Oh, yes. I'm a hater.
I hate pot-smoking punks
Copy !req
1387. that think that everything
should just be given to them.
Copy !req
1388. You two are an absolute disgrace
to this university.
Copy !req
1389. Yo, Dean, man,
what are those?
Copy !req
1390. Oh, these? These are
invitations to the alumni celebration,
Copy !req
1391. in which the vice president
will be attending.
Copy !req
1392. And Lauren will be unveiling
her Benjamin Franklin experiment.
Copy !req
1393. Certain students
will be invited, those that pass their finals.
Copy !req
1394. For real?
Copy !req
1395. But you won't
pass your finals.
Copy !req
1396. You'll fail and then I'll have you out of my
hair and out of Harvard.
Copy !req
1397. Happy studying, gentlemen.
Copy !req
1398. Fuck!
Copy !req
1399. I'm trying to do my thing.
It's pimping over here, baby.
Copy !req
1400. Baby Powder, when you gonna
pay us our money?
Copy !req
1401. I got a $25 money order...
Copy !req
1402. - $257?
- Money order?
Copy !req
1403. That you bitches
can split.
Copy !req
1404. Who you calling
a bitch, bitch?
Copy !req
1405. - Come on with it.
- I got you.
Copy !req
1406. If it ain't
"Rice Puff Daddy."
Copy !req
1407. No, Powder.
That's "Run MSG."
Copy !req
1408. Hey, what you
listening to, brother?
Copy !req
1409. Wu-Tang.
Copy !req
1410. "Wu-Tang! Wu-Tang!
I came to bring the pain!
Copy !req
1411. "Hardcore to the pain!"
Copy !req
1412. We don't listen
to that Chinese shit. We do this.
Copy !req
1413. You guys!
Copy !req
1414. You need to
sit down.
Copy !req
1415. I'll round them motherfucking almond
eyes of yours out, you understand me?
Copy !req
1416. Hold on, Powder.
Let's not get ignorant.
Copy !req
1417. Maybe he just came here
to pay our money.
Copy !req
1418. No, actually,
I come for your girls.
Copy !req
1419. Actually, you gonna come back and give me
them two duck sauces your mama...
Copy !req
1420. Let me get my switchblade out.
Let me get my blade.
Copy !req
1421. Ooh, shit!
Copy !req
1422. Come on, bitch.
Copy !req
1423. Man, it was two egg rolls,
it wasn't duck sauce.
Copy !req
1424. Who the bitch
now, hitch?
Copy !req
1425. Bitch!
Copy !req
1426. I need to slap
my goddamn self for that.
Copy !req
1427. Pimps go through
this kind of shit from time to time.
Copy !req
1428. Yes, Dean Cain here.
Copy !req
1429. Yes, I did receive them.
Copy !req
1430. As a matter of fact,
I was just going over Silas and Jamal's grades
Copy !req
1431. and I see they're all "Fs."
Copy !req
1432. Yes. I agree.
Copy !req
1433. Very sad.
Very sad, indeed.
Copy !req
1434. Yes. Well, I'll speak to
you later.
Copy !req
1435. Bye-bye.
Copy !req
1436. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Copy !req
1437. Dean Cain
expects us off campus by Monday.
Copy !req
1438. It went that bad
in botany class?
Copy !req
1439. Kid lost about
15 pounds of fluid.
Copy !req
1440. And that was just
from the mouth. And I'm still below a 2.0.
Copy !req
1441. Man, we gonna get
kicked the fuck out this school.
Copy !req
1442. Maybe I can go back
to being your manager
Copy !req
1443. and you strip
at that club again like you used to.
Copy !req
1444. No, you can't give up.
Copy !req
1445. You can't
let the Dean win.
Copy !req
1446. Did Commander Riker
give up
Copy !req
1447. when the Borg
infiltrated the Starship Enterprise
Copy !req
1448. and Captain Picard
came back all half-robot?
Copy !req
1449. The Borgs? They're here!
Copy !req
1450. Oh, God.
Run for your life!
Copy !req
1451. My point is...
Copy !req
1452. My point is
shut the fuck up!
Copy !req
1453. It's over.
Copy !req
1454. And we out of here.
Wash my hands.
Copy !req
1455. Silas, man,
you can't give up.
Copy !req
1456. If you get this botany
grade changed, they have to keep you.
Copy !req
1457. Yeah, my truth serum.
Copy !req
1458. I gotta fix it. Yo!
Copy !req
1459. That's right.
Copy !req
1460. Here's your coffee.
Copy !req
1461. Ah, Bart. Nice to see you.
Copy !req
1462. Listen, I think
I have a solution to your little problem.
Copy !req
1463. Oh, no. I already got
the prescription filled. Zing!
Copy !req
1464. Not that problem.
I'm talking about the boys.
Copy !req
1465. Those rejects
have been rejected.
Copy !req
1466. Yo, Dean Cain,
look who's back!
Copy !req
1467. Holler.
Copy !req
1468. Dean, what a surprise.
Look who's here.
Copy !req
1469. How exciting.
Copy !req
1470. Guys, we weren't expecting you,
but you're right on time.
Copy !req
1471. Let's go meet
the next likely leader of the free world.
Copy !req
1472. What are you two
doing here?
Copy !req
1473. Couldn't have my future ex-wife
show up to some big-wig event
Copy !req
1474. without her daddy
on her arm.
Copy !req
1475. Ain't that
right, baby?
Copy !req
1476. Right, Daddy.
Copy !req
1477. Old friends,
fellow alums,
Copy !req
1478. it's wonderful being back
here at Harvard,
Copy !req
1479. where I get to see
my beautiful daughter.
Copy !req
1480. - Hi, honey.
- Hi, Daddy. Daddy?
Copy !req
1481. This is Jamal.
Jamal, this is my dad.
Copy !req
1482. Hi. Hello, Jamal.
Copy !req
1483. Mr. President.
Copy !req
1484. I call you Mr. President because I know
you're gonna rock this election.
Copy !req
1485. I hope you're right, son.
Uh-oh. Camera.
Copy !req
1486. All right, Ivory.
This is the last of you. Do your stuff.
Copy !req
1487. Oh, hey, hey, hey, Professor!
What's going on?
Copy !req
1488. Nice to see you again.
Copy !req
1489. Listen, tonight I got a feeling
you're gonna see my experiment work.
Copy !req
1490. I hope we don't have to
pass out any barf bags.
Copy !req
1491. Don't even worry about that.
I found my secret ingredient.
Copy !req
1492. By adding a little bit of...
Cannabis,
Copy !req
1493. I was able to
counteract the nausea.
Copy !req
1494. I'm proud of you.
Copy !req
1495. Thank you, Professor.
Thank you, man.
Copy !req
1496. I actually
feel wonderful.
Copy !req
1497. Isn't he great, Daddy?
Copy !req
1498. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1499. - He's great.
- He's great.
Copy !req
1500. Good service.
Copy !req
1501. Oh, Jamie! Here's your dad
after a frat party.
Copy !req
1502. We don't want
the dean to get his panties in a bunch.
Copy !req
1503. He might want
a spanking!
Copy !req
1504. Sit down.
Copy !req
1505. Wait a minute.
I know you two ain't here playing grab ass
Copy !req
1506. while I'm entertaining
my future vanilla-villa father, are you?
Copy !req
1507. - Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1508. Look! The serum working, man.
They high, dog. Look!
Copy !req
1509. I got something to tell you.
Man, I been pinching your weed off.
Copy !req
1510. - What you telling me for?
- Damn.
Copy !req
1511. I don't know.
I guess it's that new serum, man.
Copy !req
1512. - I'm sorry, man.
- It's okay. Don't even worry about it.
Copy !req
1513. No, it ain't all right, man. I been taking your
CDs. I been using your weed pipes.
Copy !req
1514. I even been looking
at Lauren's ass a couple of times, man.
Copy !req
1515. She's fine!
Copy !req
1516. And if she gave me the chance, I'd wax that
ass till she show me what...
Copy !req
1517. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Copy !req
1518. Jamal, I'll take that
as a compliment.
Copy !req
1519. Thank you.
Copy !req
1520. We all know that Harvard
has been honored to host
Copy !req
1521. some of Benjamin Franklin's
artifacts, which I personally found,
Copy !req
1522. like this cannon-like
article back here.
Copy !req
1523. Now, later, you can take note
of the foot-operated carburetor,
Copy !req
1524. the reservoir,
and the top-loading bud bowl.
Copy !req
1525. Ladies and gentlemen, Harvard is now the
proud owner of America's first
Copy !req
1526. bong!
Copy !req
1527. A bong?
Copy !req
1528. This is outrageous!
Copy !req
1529. If Benjamin Franklin
were here today,
Copy !req
1530. he would deny and denounce any
claim to these so-called findings.
Copy !req
1531. I'm gonna have to
disagree on that.
Copy !req
1532. Yo, Ben, tell this fool.
Is that a bong or what?
Copy !req
1533. Yep. It's the
liberty bong. Light that shit.
Copy !req
1534. Smoke that shit,
pass that shit.
Copy !req
1535. Yo, you gotta come to
this party, Ben.
Copy !req
1536. Come on, man. Smoke.
Copy !req
1537. Gerald!
Copy !req
1538. Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
1539. This is insane!
Copy !req
1540. What are you all laughing at?
Copy !req
1541. Dean, I have had it
with your uptight,
Copy !req
1542. self-serving,
over-opinionated ass!
Copy !req
1543. Ghetto!
Copy !req
1544. In short,
you are fired!
Copy !req
1545. Oh, hit the bricks, dog!
Copy !req
1546. The big payback!
Copy !req
1547. - Silas. Yo, dog, man.
- Jamal.
Copy !req
1548. Look like you did it, dog.
You got a new serum, man.
Copy !req
1549. You gonna be
an herbal scientist, my brother.
Copy !req
1550. Me and you turned this place
upside down, didn't we?
Copy !req
1551. Did we!
Copy !req
1552. Amazing what two brothers from the PJ can
do with just a bit of opportunity.
Copy !req
1553. Word.
Holler at you, dog.
Copy !req
1554. I will, man.
Copy !req
1555. Secret Service!
Copy !req
1556. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Dean, Dean, Dean.
Copy !req
1557. Ease up on
the black-on-black crime, bro.
Copy !req
1558. This motherfucker
done messed up my shit!
Copy !req
1559. Back up! Back up!
You better give me three feet!
Copy !req
1560. Get up.
Copy !req
1561. Cool.
Copy !req
1562. Take him away, boys.
Copy !req
1563. Take your hands off of me!
Do you realize who I am?
Copy !req
1564. What are you looking at?
Copy !req
1565. I Need Money! You talk!
Copy !req
1566. Why, yes, Jamal.
It is somewhat of a surprise to me, also.
Copy !req
1567. Lord, it's a gift! It's a gift from
above! Make you float like a dove!
Copy !req
1568. Make you scream like Michael
in a rhinestone glove. Lord, Lord, Lord.
Copy !req
1569. - Popcorn player.
- Popcorn player.
Copy !req
1570. [ Didn't inhale!
Copy !req
1571. God, this is
the wildest time I've ever had.
Copy !req
1572. You won't mind that
I'm banging your daughter on the regular?
Copy !req
1573. No, no! Not at all.
Copy !req
1574. Good, because Jamal's
gonna be my baby daddy.
Copy !req
1575. Son, welcome
to the family.
Copy !req
1576. Daddy!
Copy !req
1577. Silas, your experiment
was a success.
Copy !req
1578. Your serum worked and
you're going to get an "A" in my course.
Copy !req
1579. So that means
I get to stay?
Copy !req
1580. You betcha!
Copy !req
1581. You can stay as long as it takes
you to graduate, I don't care.
Copy !req
1582. Right, ladies?
Copy !req
1583. Shall we, ladies?
Copy !req
1584. Hey, down here!
This is not happening!
Copy !req
1585. Lauren, you are
coming with me!
Copy !req
1586. Honey, you have
never satisfied me.
Copy !req
1587. Huh?
Copy !req
1588. Silas?
Copy !req
1589. But I can.
Copy !req
1590. The day you lay off
is the day you pay off.
Copy !req
1591. We come in here to get our old bitches,
but if they ain't in here
Copy !req
1592. we gonna get those intellect bitches and start
our own new stable. Feel me?
Copy !req
1593. Just keep it pimpalicious.
Keep it pimpalicious!
Copy !req
1594. Powder, what are
you doing here?
Copy !req
1595. What are you
doing in here?
Copy !req
1596. I've been rolling
this joint for 20 years.
Copy !req
1597. But if these people knew
I was using your dial-a-ho service,
Copy !req
1598. they might not
understand.
Copy !req
1599. You're one of my biggest customers.
You like them hand-jobs,
Copy !req
1600. fat bitches pissing
on you all the time.
Copy !req
1601. I like the ladies.
Copy !req
1602. Licking poodle feet
and shit.
Copy !req
1603. Stop it right there.
Have you ever been to college?
Copy !req
1604. Yeah, two years
pussyology.
Copy !req
1605. Academia.
I like it.
Copy !req
1606. Give me a call next week.
I think we can work something out.
Copy !req
1607. Today's class is called
Pimpology I and II. I'm one, that's two.
Copy !req
1608. That's what your ass
will be if you don't pass this class.
Copy !req
1609. It got to come out right!
And if it don't come out right,
Copy !req
1610. you ain't gonna get
to pimp tonight!
Copy !req
1611. Where my bitches?
Copy !req
1612. Where my bitches?
Copy !req
1613. Come on with it,
Copy !req
1614. and let it fly!
Copy !req
1615. Not yourselves!
Copy !req
1616. Shit!
Copy !req
1617. That was deep!
That was deep.
Copy !req
1618. And B-cam roll.
Copy !req
1619. "B" marker.
Copy !req
1620. Cut!
Copy !req
1621. And another thing,
I forgot my motherfucking line!
Copy !req
1622. Yo, stop doing that shit, dog.
You can't be laughing at me, man.
Copy !req
1623. Fuck my close-up up, nigger.
Copy !req
1624. They know
we stole the... What is that?
Copy !req
1625. I knew it.
You guys and your lies.
Copy !req
1626. Can I get some pussy?
Copy !req
1627. Sure. Come on in.
Copy !req
1628. I told you
we should have went to UCLA:
Copy !req
1629. You know damn well,
Copy !req
1630. I'm about to go
stick my dick in a thermos or something.
Copy !req
1631. Puffs for purgatory
for everybody. Line them up!
Copy !req
1632. Puffs for
purgatory, baby!
Copy !req
1633. Puffs for purgatory.
Copy !req
1634. See each other no more.
I mean, the fucking around...
Copy !req
1635. Ah, shit!
Copy !req
1636. I pledge allegiance
to the pimp of the United Pimps of America.
Copy !req
1637. Come on, you fuckers!
Call action!
Copy !req
1638. I don't give a fuck
if it breaks! You hear me? God damn it!
Copy !req
1639. Turn that goddamn
water off!
Copy !req
1640. Cut! Cut! Cut!
Copy !req
1641. - Cut.
- Cut.
Copy !req
1642. Cut!
Copy !req
1643. The movie's over!
Copy !req
1644. Go home!
Copy !req
1645. Go home!
Copy !req
1646. Why don't y'all
wanna leave?
Copy !req