1. MRS. Jay, breakfast is ready!Copy !req
2. Be down in a second, Mom!Copy !req
3. - Hey. Morning, Mom.
- MRS. Morning, sweetie.Copy !req
4. Hey, I had this tight dream last night
that you made me French toast and bacon.Copy !req
5. You're good.Copy !req
6. Listen, honey, I got a call
from Aunt Lois this morning.Copy !req
7. She is in the hospital.Copy !req
8. What happened?Copy !req
9. Broke her ankle.Copy !req
10. Again?Copy !req
11. The other ankle.
That woman was not meant to ski.Copy !req
12. Well, is she gonna be okay?Copy !req
13. Mmm, she'll be fine,
but she just can't get around.Copy !req
14. I'm gonna have to go down there,Copy !req
15. and I'll probably have to stay
about a week.Copy !req
16. No problem, Mom.
I can take care of myself.Copy !req
17. And don't say I'm too young.Copy !req
18. Fine, but, just so you're not lonely,Copy !req
19. I've spoken with your brother,
and he's agreedCopy !req
20. to come down from Starkwell
to keep you company.Copy !req
21. Mom! Come on, give me a break!Copy !req
22. Mike's just gonna yell at me
and boss me around all day.Copy !req
23. - He hates me.
- No, he doesn't.Copy !req
24. He worries about you. It's...
It's just how he shows he cares.Copy !req
25. Well, I'd be a whole lot happier
if he cared just a little bit less.Copy !req
26. Look, I'm gonna leave you
enough money to get you through next week.Copy !req
27. There are frozen dinners in the freezer.Copy !req
28. Use the money to buy some healthy food.Copy !req
29. - Don't just eat junk food all week, okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
30. Just five days out of seven.Copy !req
31. Listen, I'm sorry I'm going to miss
the awards ceremony tonight.Copy !req
32. It's okay, Mom. I haven't won yet.Copy !req
33. And who knows,
you might not be missing anything.Copy !req
34. I may stink out loud today.Copy !req
35. I doubt that.Copy !req
36. But, no matter what happens,Copy !req
37. I am very, very proud of you.Copy !req
38. And I know your dad
would be twice as proud.Copy !req
39. Mom... You don't think
Dad would've been disappointedCopy !req
40. if I didn't go to Starkwell, do you?Copy !req
41. You just win that scholarship to Peterson.Copy !req
42. Forward march!Copy !req
43. Left! Left! Left, right, left!Copy !req
44. Left! Left! Left, right, left!Copy !req
45. Left, left, platoon, halt!Copy !req
46. Right face! Parade rest!Copy !req
47. Now, gentlemen,Copy !req
48. you are the sorriest
bunch of invertebratesCopy !req
49. it has ever been my displeasure
to be in command of!Copy !req
50. Your bunks this morning were ridiculous!Copy !req
51. If you want to be Starkwell men,
you have got to do better than that!Copy !req
52. Sergeant Martin?
- Attention!Copy !req
53. Colonel Douglas wants to see you ASAP.Copy !req
54. Platoon dismissed!Copy !req
55. Starkwell!Copy !req
56. - Yes.
- All right, sir.Copy !req
57. You wanted to see me, sir?Copy !req
58. Cadet Martin, I understand your squad is
close to failing the semester.Copy !req
59. It's not my fault.
The guys are just lazy.Copy !req
60. The squad's grades are down
because of them, not me, sir.Copy !req
61. At ease, Mike. Listen, son,
you work hard around here.Copy !req
62. You know your regulations
forwards and backwards,Copy !req
63. but you don't know jack
about being a leader.Copy !req
64. Being a leader is more
than just yelling and screamingCopy !req
65. and blaming everything on everybody else.Copy !req
66. These men are like your brothers.Copy !req
67. Listen, when your dad taught here,
he told me something.Copy !req
68. He said, "A man will follow orders
if he fears you,Copy !req
69. "but he'll save your life
if he loves and respects you."Copy !req
70. Now, Captain Pennick told me
about your situation at home.Copy !req
71. I suggest you take this time offCopy !req
72. and you seriously think about
whether or notCopy !req
73. you're suited for
a career in the military.Copy !req
74. And believe me, son,
it's not for everyone.Copy !req
75. Excuse me. Hand it over!Copy !req
76. This is a school, not a video arcade.
Why do you think your grades are down?Copy !req
77. I'm keeping this.
You won't get it back till next semester,Copy !req
78. if you get it back at all.Copy !req
79. Hey, who's the lucky kid
Van Dusen's picking on today?Copy !req
80. Nina Morris.
She's in my little brother's class.Copy !req
81. - She's really nice.
- They always are.Copy !req
82. Bombs away!Copy !req
83. Uh, that was me.Copy !req
84. Meanwhile, the privileged few
continue to get away with anything.Copy !req
85. It's unfair with a capital "U"!Copy !req
86. Oh!Copy !req
87. Check these out.Copy !req
88. It's my newest one.Copy !req
89. That's great, Jay.Copy !req
90. Let me see that.Copy !req
91. Hey, be careful with those.
My presentation is on the other side.Copy !req
92. Morning, people.Copy !req
93. I'm gonna try
and keep it brief this morning.Copy !req
94. We have just two items
of business to attend to.Copy !req
95. First, if any of you had
the Spanish rice for lunch yesterday,Copy !req
96. please see Nurse Ketcham
if you're feeling... Different.Copy !req
97. Second, all eighth graders
should report to the auditoriumCopy !req
98. for fifth period for the Donald Peterson
Memorial Awards competition.Copy !req
99. All the finalists for the award
will be called up onto the stage.Copy !req
100. I want to thank you for your time.
Have a nice day,Copy !req
101. and, oh, let's try
and stuff our brains with thingsCopy !req
102. that we don't already know,
shall we?Copy !req
103. - This is so cool.
Watch this!Copy !req
104. Jay, are you okay?Copy !req
105. That tickle, buddy?Copy !req
106. Ronny!
Enough with the soccer! Get to class!Copy !req
107. Later, guys.Copy !req
108. Hurry up and collect those, Mr. Martin.Copy !req
109. Uh-oh, Jay...Copy !req
110. No problem, Mr. Van Dusen.Copy !req
111. Not a very flattering likeness of me.Copy !req
112. Oh!Copy !req
113. Oh! That's not you, Mr. Van Dusen.Copy !req
114. Perhaps we should discuss
your artistic endeavors with your mother.Copy !req
115. Give me the rest.Copy !req
116. But, Mr. Van Dusen, I need those.
My presentation is on the other side.Copy !req
117. At the risk of sounding like I'm saying,
"You should have thought of that before,"Copy !req
118. well, you should have
thought of that before!Copy !req
119. You'll have to rewrite them
on more appropriate cards.Copy !req
120. Bad attitude.Copy !req
121. I can't believe this! I'm dead!Copy !req
122. There's no time to write out
that whole presentation over again.Copy !req
123. People, how are we? Hmm?Copy !req
124. - We're busy here, Ronny.
- So, uh...Copy !req
125. So, Martian, I hear you're my main
competition for the scholarship.Copy !req
126. That's not his name,
and if you're his competition,Copy !req
127. - I wouldn't call it very competitive.
- Can it, jerk.Copy !req
128. Anyway... Hey. Hi.Copy !req
129. Yeah, I wanted to invite you
to a little victory partyCopy !req
130. that I'm throwing after I win
the Donald Peterson Award.Copy !req
131. I'm throwing a little victory bash
in my pool house.Copy !req
132. I'm busy.Copy !req
133. I wasn't talking to you.Copy !req
134. Hope to see you there, Trace.Copy !req
135. Gentlemen.Copy !req
136. Don't worry.
You're gonna mop up the floor with him.Copy !req
137. The only downside is that we won't get
to go to the party at his pool house.Copy !req
138. Way to be supportive.Copy !req
139. I'm serious! That pool house is amazing.Copy !req
140. It's like he's got his own place.Copy !req
141. He's got his own phone
with his own number.Copy !req
142. It's got a pool table, video games.Copy !req
143. - I hear it even has a pool.
Okay, class, let's get to work.Copy !req
144. You wanted to speak to me, Dad?Copy !req
145. Are you prepared for this presentation?Copy !req
146. Oh, yeah. I've got the winning speech
right here.Copy !req
147. It's not that ridiculous idea you hadCopy !req
148. why Jackie Chan would make
a cool president, is it?Copy !req
149. Oh!Copy !req
150. Look, you, your grandfather doesn't think
I'm doing a good job of raising you.Copy !req
151. He also doesn't think you have a chance
of winning that scholarship,Copy !req
152. and, frankly, on that account,
I tend to agree with him.Copy !req
153. We have to prove old Armand wrong.
We have to win that scholarship.Copy !req
154. Now, Jay Martin has an incredible
presentation on recyclingCopy !req
155. that's well thought out
and impeccably worded.Copy !req
156. You have about 20 minutes to come up
with a better presentation than his.Copy !req
157. I have to meet with
the food services people.Copy !req
158. I have to sweep this Spanish rice thing
under the carpet.Copy !req
159. Recycling, huh?Copy !req
160. I don't get it.
Peterson is less expensive than Starkwell.Copy !req
161. Why would you have to go to Starkwell
if you don't want to?Copy !req
162. Well, my mom can't afford either one,Copy !req
163. but my dad taught at Starkwell,
so we can get in for practically nothing.Copy !req
164. The competition's not for 15 minutes.Copy !req
165. Try and do your presentation for us
from memory.Copy !req
166. I don't think I can.
- Just try.Copy !req
167. All right. Here goes.Copy !req
168. Good afternoon.Copy !req
169. Today I want to talk to you about garbage.Copy !req
170. Each year, Americans produce
enough trash and refuseCopy !req
171. to fill a convoy of trucks
that would reach halfway to the moon.Copy !req
172. Each year, Americans produce
enough trash and ref...Copy !req
173. Refuse.Copy !req
174. Refuse to fill a convoy of trucks
that would reach halfway to the moon,Copy !req
175. and it is estimated
that within the centuryCopy !req
176. we will run out of landfill
to handle our waste.Copy !req
177. Man, how am I supposed to get up there
and give the exact same speechCopy !req
178. right after Ronny?Copy !req
179. I'd look like an idiot.Copy !req
180. Well, why didn't you say something?Copy !req
181. I don't have any proof. What's the use?Copy !req
182. What's the use?Copy !req
183. You'd be going to Peterson Academy
with me next year.Copy !req
184. Remember Peterson, the one with
the really great art program?Copy !req
185. Or you could just settle for
the all-boy military academyCopy !req
186. upstate with your brother.Copy !req
187. Hey, tough break
on that scholarship, Martian,Copy !req
188. but I guess the best man won.Copy !req
189. How does it feel to know
that you won using my presentation?Copy !req
190. What? Yeah, right, you big liar!Copy !req
191. Don't be a sore loser, Martian.
You'll have fun at the Army Academy.Copy !req
192. You'll look cute bald.Copy !req
193. Hope to see you at my party next week.Copy !req
194. Don't hold your breath, cheater.Copy !req
195. It's about my wife
Eliza Van Dusen's dog.Copy !req
196. The Pomeranian?
- Yes, her name is Camille.Copy !req
197. - Can you hold, please?
- Yes, I'll hold.Copy !req
198. Ought to be ashamed
charging that much for a candy bar.Copy !req
199. I'll get one.Copy !req
200. There we go. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
201. Martin, what is it?
Make it snappy, I'm on hold.Copy !req
202. It... It's about the presentations.Copy !req
203. Um...Copy !req
204. - I think there's been...
Mr. Van Dusen?Copy !req
205. Don't ever put me on hold again!
Do you have any idea who I am?Copy !req
206. I'm sorry, sir.Copy !req
207. I wanted the nails trimmed
on all four paws.Copy !req
208. The nails on the front paws
were long enough to play the piano.Copy !req
209. I'm bringing Camille back in tomorrow.Copy !req
210. - Am I making myself clear?
- Yes, Mr. Van Dusen.Copy !req
211. - Thank you!Copy !req
212. Walk with me.Copy !req
213. Whatever you do,
don't get yourself a show dog, Martin.Copy !req
214. For the amount of money I spend
on my wife's mutt every year,Copy !req
215. I could probably send five kids
to Peterson Academy.Copy !req
216. - Um, sir...
- Sorry about that scholarship, by the way.Copy !req
217. Couldn't be there myself
for the presentation.Copy !req
218. The Spanish rice problem
spread to the hash browns.Copy !req
219. Yeah, um, it's about the scholarship, sir.Copy !req
220. It seems that Ronny somehow
wound up with my presentation.Copy !req
221. I can certainly understand how you'd be
upset at not winning that scholarship,Copy !req
222. but to accuse another student
of cheating, that's, well...Copy !req
223. I'm sure you're well aware
of the Columbus Hall stance on cheating.Copy !req
224. - They're against it?
- Very much so.Copy !req
225. Our school creed,
written by our founder, Armand Columbus,Copy !req
226. my father-in-law, by the way,
includes the phrase,Copy !req
227. "Steadfast in all that is true."Copy !req
228. You know that means, don't you?Copy !req
229. - It's anti-cheating.
- That's right.Copy !req
230. Isn't it possible the two of you
just came up with similar ideas?Copy !req
231. It's just that
Ronny's presentationCopy !req
232. was word for word exactly like mine.Copy !req
233. Didn't the judges say anything?Copy !req
234. Well, no, sir.
See, I didn't give my presentation,Copy !req
235. because I didn't have my materials.
You took them, remember?Copy !req
236. That's right, and I had them destroyed.Copy !req
237. So there.
Ronny couldn't have taken your materials.Copy !req
238. Could you maybe just ask Ronny about it?Copy !req
239. Fine, I'll ask.Copy !req
240. - Mrs. Pintuff?
- Yes, sir?Copy !req
241. - Call Ronny to my office, please.
- Okay.Copy !req
242. - WOMAN OVER P.A.: Ronny Van Dusen...
- I'll try to get to the bottom of this.Copy !req
243. In the meantime, let's not go around
spreading any unsubstantiated rumors.Copy !req
244. Ronny, in my office.Copy !req
245. Excuse me. I'm going to need
a hall pass to get back to class.Copy !req
246. Oh, um... Yeah.
I've got a bunch here somewhere.Copy !req
247. Um...Copy !req
248. At least I should have a bunch here
somewhere, but you never know.Copy !req
249. I have been missing
a lot of hall passes lately.Copy !req
250. - I'm gonna go borrow one from Mr. Novak.
- All right.Copy !req
251. I do that all the time.
I'll be right back.Copy !req
252. Thanks.Copy !req
253. Did you steal
Jay Martin's presentation?Copy !req
254. You told me to win the dumb award.Copy !req
255. This is a new low, even for you.Copy !req
256. Did you honestly think
the Martin kid wasn't gonna notice?Copy !req
257. Well, I thought about it, see?Copy !req
258. See, but I gave my presentation
before he did,Copy !req
259. and I knew he wasn't gonna get up there
and do the exact same presentation.Copy !req
260. Pretty smart, huh?Copy !req
261. - Where are his cards?
- Oh, I left them in my locker.Copy !req
262. I didn't use them. I copied them over.Copy !req
263. I want you to get rid of those cards.Copy !req
264. I don't want any evidence
linking a Van Dusen to cheating.Copy !req
265. You understand? Pronto!
You must be out of your mind!Copy !req
266. Can I go now?
- One more thing we need to talk about.Copy !req
267. - These!
- They look like detention slips.Copy !req
268. Uh-huh.Copy !req
269. Oh!Copy !req
270. Are they mine?Copy !req
271. Your mother's been complaining to your
grandfather that you're out of control.Copy !req
272. You mess up one more time, mister,Copy !req
273. and there's going to be
dire consequences.Copy !req
274. - Dire!
- Okay, I got you.Copy !req
275. Let's see your pass.Copy !req
276. I don't have one.Copy !req
277. - Morning detention tomorrow.
- Wait just a second.Copy !req
278. Here is his pass.
He must've dropped it back there.Copy !req
279. - Come on.
- Thanks, Ronny.Copy !req
280. - Why did you do that?
- Please, dorko.Copy !req
281. Now, listen, I don't need you ruining
detention for me and my friends, okay?Copy !req
282. We have a sweet deal going,Copy !req
283. and you'll come in
and you'll be all behavey, see,Copy !req
284. and we don't need that.Copy !req
285. It's worth the two bucks
I could've gotten for the pass.Copy !req
286. Now, take a hike.Copy !req
287. All right.Copy !req
288. Hey, Martian.Copy !req
289. Watch it, road hog!Copy !req
290. Nice wheels, buddy!Copy !req
291. MRS.
Hi, you've reached the Martin residence.Copy !req
292. Please leave a message after the tone,Copy !req
293. and we'll get back to you
as soon as we can.Copy !req
294. Thank you.Copy !req
295. Hey, little brother, it's me.
If you're home, pick up the phone, please.Copy !req
296. Come on, pick it up, pick up.Copy !req
297. Jay, I know you're sitting there
listening to this.Copy !req
298. All right, look, uh, I'm not gonna be
able to get home tonight, okay?Copy !req
299. My Jeep broke down, and the guy won't be
able to get the part until tomorrow.Copy !req
300. So, I want you to call up the ZachareysCopy !req
301. and ask them if you can stay
at their place tonight, okay?Copy !req
302. Uh, my new ETA
will be 1600 hours tomorrow.Copy !req
303. And, Jay, no screw-ups!Copy !req
304. If you told Mr. Van Dusen,
then he'll have to investigate it.Copy !req
305. There's an honor code at Columbus.
"Steadfast in all that is true."Copy !req
306. I told you, Van Dusen already knows,
and he's not gonna do anything about it.Copy !req
307. And I'm gonna wind up
at Starkwell next year!Copy !req
308. They're gonna shave my head
and make me wear boots.Copy !req
309. Do you want to pet Clancy?Copy !req
310. I've heard that petting a dog
can relieve stress.Copy !req
311. I don't think so. Dogs hate me.Copy !req
312. - Clancy likes you.
- He told you that, did he?Copy !req
313. In a way. Dogs have a whole
lot of ways of communicating.Copy !req
314. Fine, fine, fine.
Have Clancy send me an e-mail.Copy !req
315. Look, look, I'm sorry.Copy !req
316. It's just I'm so upset.Copy !req
317. - My life is so unfair.
- So do something.Copy !req
318. Don't just sit around and mope about it.Copy !req
319. There has to be a way you can prove
that Ronny stole your presentation.Copy !req
320. And if you have some proof,Copy !req
321. then you can go to the teachers
who were judges.Copy !req
322. I just thought of a plan.
I gotta go.Copy !req
323. Oh, oh!Copy !req
324. - Jay, are you all right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
325. - Come on, we're late!
- They're not gonna start without us.Copy !req
326. You're the headmaster, and Ronny...Copy !req
327. Ronny is the Peterson scholarship winner,
and I couldn't be prouder.Copy !req
328. Hello! Hug the kid
in the car if you have to hug him.Copy !req
329. I'd like to get there sometime tonight.Copy !req
330. Nice doggie.Copy !req
331. Nice doggie!Copy !req
332. No, no, no!Copy !req
333. How about a nice gummy candy?Copy !req
334. Come on, Ronny, I know you got
my presentation in here somewhere.Copy !req
335. Camille!Copy !req
336. Come on!Copy !req
337. Camille!Copy !req
338. Camille!Copy !req
339. Camille!Copy !req
340. Camille?Copy !req
341. Camille?Copy !req
342. Is someone there?Copy !req
343. No, no, no! Bad dog! Go home!Copy !req
344. - Go!Copy !req
345. Go. Shoo!Copy !req
346. Go!Copy !req
347. No, Camille, go home!Copy !req
348. Get, get, get!Copy !req
349. Go home! Get! Go away!Copy !req
350. Come on, man, leave me alone!Copy !req
351. Good! Now, go home!Copy !req
352. Camille, come on!Copy !req
353. Keep that stupid dog on a leash!Copy !req
354. Okay?Copy !req
355. Oh! Come on! Gross! I'm gonna barf!Copy !req
356. You're welcome.Copy !req
357. Man, this is just great.Copy !req
358. For a dog they spend so much money on,Copy !req
359. they sure don't
watch out for her very well.Copy !req
360. All right, come on to my place.
We'll call your owners when we get there.Copy !req
361. We're gonna have to wait until afterCopy !req
362. the Van Dusens get home
from the ceremony to call them.Copy !req
363. So, um, just behave and...
Don't bother me.Copy !req
364. Get down.Copy !req
365. Stay... Stay down.Copy !req
366. Would you get down? Dang.Copy !req
367. We put enough lead
in that thing to sink it.Copy !req
368. - No wonder it stopped.
- It sure did.Copy !req
369. Do you soldiers hear that?Copy !req
370. - I'm talking to you, boy!Copy !req
371. Boy, I want you get down right now,
and give me 50!Copy !req
372. That's what I said.Copy !req
373. Here we go!Copy !req
374. What? What do you want?Copy !req
375. I don't... I don't know
what that means.Copy !req
376. Are you hungry?Copy !req
377. Fine. We'll see what's in the fridge.Copy !req
378. What do dogs eat?Copy !req
379. Mmm...Copy !req
380. Here we go.Copy !req
381. - You like pasta?Copy !req
382. There you go.Copy !req
383. Here, you want some meatloaf?Copy !req
384. Uh-oh.Copy !req
385. Hey, are you okay?Copy !req
386. Hey, man, maybe you should've stopped
eating after that tofu egg salad.Copy !req
387. Did you kidnap the Van Dusen's dog?
Is that your plan?Copy !req
388. I didn't kidnap it.
It just followed me homeCopy !req
389. when I was at their house
looking for evidence.Copy !req
390. Hey, I'm gonna call the Van Dusens to
come get it after the awards ceremony.Copy !req
391. Well, how are you going to explain
being at their place?Copy !req
392. - Did anybody see you?
- Well, their maid saw me.Copy !req
393. But I put on a mask
before she could know who I was.Copy !req
394. Jay, you're in trouble.Copy !req
395. The maid saw somebody sneaking around,
and their prize show dog is missing.Copy !req
396. You're gonna call, and Van Dusen
is gonna know you were there.Copy !req
397. You think?Copy !req
398. Listen, just bring the dog back
to Van Dusen's house and leave her.Copy !req
399. Go in there. Go. Go in there.Copy !req
400. - Stay.Copy !req
401. No, no, no!Copy !req
402. This is where you live.Copy !req
403. Now, stay in there. Go, okay, go.Copy !req
404. Stay in there!Copy !req
405. Oh, oh! Man! Go home!Copy !req
406. Come on.Copy !req
407. You are not coming home
with me. Okay?Copy !req
408. Stop following me, man. Go home!Copy !req
409. No, no! You are not coming home with me.Copy !req
410. Man, Peterson is tight.Copy !req
411. Forget it. You're going to Starkwell.Copy !req
412. Camille! C'mere, Camille!Copy !req
413. - Dad?
- Put it anywhere you want.Copy !req
414. - Okay.
- Ronny, come on!Copy !req
415. Not on the floor!Copy !req
416. Camille? Camille.
C'mere, Camille.Copy !req
417. (ON TV) Welcome to ESPN's
highlights of today's Masters action.Copy !req
418. Reporting from the clubhouse...Copy !req
419. Ward, I can't find Camille.Copy !req
420. - She must be around here somewhere.
- I've looked everywhere.Copy !req
421. - Everywhere, Eliza? That seems improbable.
- Come help me look!Copy !req
422. Get out of here!Copy !req
423. Adele, it's me! What are you doing?Copy !req
424. Adele, what in the world
do you think you're doing?Copy !req
425. You nearly spatula-ed me to death!Copy !req
426. Oh!Copy !req
427. - Mr. Van Dusen!
- Yeah!Copy !req
428. I am so sorry.Copy !req
429. I tried to stop them,
but there were too many of them.Copy !req
430. - Too many of who?
- They were in the pool house. I...Copy !req
431. The pool house.Copy !req
432. - Ronny?
- Yeah?Copy !req
433. Is everything all right in the pool house?Copy !req
434. Yeah, it's fine. Just stay out.Copy !req
435. (ON TV) And now
for that incredible hole in one...Copy !req
436. Ward, I'm worried.Copy !req
437. Adele said the yard was swarming
with huge masked men.Copy !req
438. Seems fine now.
Ronny said the pool house is okay.Copy !req
439. Probably just some neighborhood kids.
Did you notice anything missing?Copy !req
440. Yes. Camille!Copy !req
441. What if they took her?Copy !req
442. She's a valuable show dog.
They must know how much she's worth.Copy !req
443. She's fine.Copy !req
444. The regional dog show trials
are only a week away.Copy !req
445. She has to be ready to compete.Copy !req
446. She's probably just scared and hiding.Copy !req
447. She'll turn up. She always turns up.Copy !req
448. But, Ward! You know how
Camille gets without her medications.Copy !req
449. Without her medications.Copy !req
450. Nice doggie. Calm down. It's okay.Copy !req
451. It's okay.Copy !req
452. Oh, no!Copy !req
453. Oh, no!Copy !req
454. How can such a little dog
cause this much damage?Copy !req
455. Dad's glove.Copy !req
456. Man, Mike is gonna flip out.Copy !req
457. - What are you gonna do?
- I gotta get rid of the dog first.Copy !req
458. I just don't know how to get it
back to the Van DusensCopy !req
459. without them thinking I stole it.Copy !req
460. I tried leaving the stupid dog there
again last night, but she wouldn't stay.Copy !req
461. What if you called them up
and disguised your voiceCopy !req
462. so they didn't know it was you,Copy !req
463. and told them you were leaving
the dog in a basket in the park,Copy !req
464. and they could just come and pick it up?Copy !req
465. Hey. Hey, that's not such a bad idea.Copy !req
466. Testing. One, two, three.Copy !req
467. Hello?Copy !req
468. Good morning, Mr. Van Dusen.Copy !req
469. Who is this?Copy !req
470. - I have your dog.
- Really?Copy !req
471. You've kidnapped our dog?Copy !req
472. - No. No, I didn't kidnap...
- You didn't kidnap the dog?Copy !req
473. That's funny.
I thought that's what it was calledCopy !req
474. when someone breaks into a house,
steals a person's dog,Copy !req
475. then calls up with a disguised voice
asking for ransom.Copy !req
476. Mr. Van Dusen, you don't understand...Copy !req
477. No, you don't understand.
I'm glad you took the dog.Copy !req
478. You can keep her.
Don't even try to bring her back.Copy !req
479. And if I find you anywhere
near my house with that dog,Copy !req
480. I'll have you arrested so fast
it'll make your head spin.Copy !req
481. Oh, and by the way, how's Camille doing
without her medication?Copy !req
482. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
483. Get off me, you stupid dog!Copy !req
484. Get off!Copy !req
485. Bye-bye, Camille.Copy !req
486. Sadly, I won't be needing
these allergy pills anymore.Copy !req
487. I'll never sneeze again,
without that mutt. Huh.Copy !req
488. No, no! Go away! Leave me alone!Copy !req
489. Gotcha!Copy !req
490. You might as well stop,
because I'm not letting you outCopy !req
491. until I figure out what to do with you.Copy !req
492. You don't ever give up, do you?Copy !req
493. Get off of me!Copy !req
494. Get off of me!Copy !req
495. Let go of me, you stupid dog!Copy !req
496. Get off!Copy !req
497. Ha!Copy !req
498. What are you doing home already?Copy !req
499. You said you'd be home at 1600 hours.Copy !req
500. You're, like, 500 hours early.Copy !req
501. The garage got the part
for the Jeep early.Copy !req
502. Is that okay with you?Copy !req
503. - Hey, what is up with that?
- Oh, I had a little accident.Copy !req
504. - Climbing a tree.
- Yeah, whatever.Copy !req
505. Hey, those are my socks!Copy !req
506. Man, do we have to start this again?
I do own socks. I don't steal yours.Copy !req
507. Yeah, whatever. We'll just have a little
look in your dresser, shall we?Copy !req
508. Here. Carry this.Copy !req
509. You're gonna have to
toughen up, little brother,Copy !req
510. if you're gonna cut it
at Starkwell next year.Copy !req
511. Come on, keep up.
Let's go, double time.Copy !req
512. Now, I heard about
the Peterson scholarship.Copy !req
513. How?Copy !req
514. Rule number one, little brother,
always have informants, okay?Copy !req
515. Now, I know you worked hard
on that scholarship, but don't sweat it.Copy !req
516. You're better off.Copy !req
517. Don't go in there!Copy !req
518. Why not?Copy !req
519. Maybe we could go out to lunch.Copy !req
520. You know, maybe a nice Monte Cristo?Copy !req
521. Maybe a Reuben, some sauerkraut?Copy !req
522. I missed you?Copy !req
523. Nice try. Excuse me.Copy !req
524. I can explain.Copy !req
525. Come here, you.Copy !req
526. - You threw a party, didn't you?
- No.Copy !req
527. No, you don't understand. I was just...Copy !req
528. You little meatstain!
When I get through with you,Copy !req
529. there isn't gonna be enough of you
left to spread on toast!Copy !req
530. Come here!Copy !req
531. Whoa!Copy !req
532. Oh, you're dead, meatstain.Copy !req
533. Mom's gonna hear about this!Copy !req
534. What was that?Copy !req
535. - No, don't. It's noth...
- No, what was that?Copy !req
536. Okay.Copy !req
537. See? There's nothing in there, okay?
Yeah, see?Copy !req
538. What is this thing?Copy !req
539. He's right behind you. Hurry up!Copy !req
540. All right, explain! Whose dog is that?Copy !req
541. It's the Van Dusens' dog.Copy !req
542. Headmaster Van Dusen?Copy !req
543. He wanted me to help watch it for a while.Copy !req
544. And I asked Mom, and she said it was okay.Copy !req
545. Oh, yeah, right. Prove it.Copy !req
546. Well, how am I supposed to prove it?Copy !req
547. Why else would I have the Van Dusens' dog?Copy !req
548. Yeah, well, you know what?Copy !req
549. I'm not taking responsibility
for that stupid pooch, okay?Copy !req
550. Now, you get out there
and clean up that mess.Copy !req
551. I'm not helping.
Get out there and subdue that dog! Go!Copy !req
552. Oh, for crying out loud!Copy !req
553. Step aside, son.Copy !req
554. Watch how a real man
handles that stupid mutt.Copy !req
555. Hey, dog!Copy !req
556. Mike...Copy !req
557. Jay, do something, man!
Get me off of this table.Copy !req
558. Look, it's starting to crack, man!
You gotta help me!Copy !req
559. Do something! Distract it or something!Copy !req
560. Come over here.
No, no, no!Copy !req
561. Get out of here!Copy !req
562. - The table is cracking!
- Just come over here!Copy !req
563. Ow!Copy !req
564. You okay?
- No.Copy !req
565. No!Copy !req
566. - Stay close to me.
- I got you.Copy !req
567. Yeah.Copy !req
568. - What's happening?
- Cheap batteries.Copy !req
569. Fetch!Copy !req
570. Into the kitchen! Hurry up!Copy !req
571. Here she comes.Copy !req
572. Go away! Shoo! Shoo!Copy !req
573. Go check it out.Copy !req
574. Is she all right?Copy !req
575. She's still breathing.Copy !req
576. I think she just knocked herself out.
She should be okay.Copy !req
577. Hey, you really saved my skin back there.Copy !req
578. Oh, don't mention it.Copy !req
579. You think well on your feet,
and you keep a cool head under pressure.Copy !req
580. Those are good qualities in a soldier.Copy !req
581. Go away!Copy !req
582. I said...Copy !req
583. - Hello, Ward.
- Mr. Columbus, sir.Copy !req
584. Ward, we've been all through this.Copy !req
585. Mr. Columbus was my father.Copy !req
586. Besides, we're family.
You can just call me sir.Copy !req
587. Yes, sir. I guess
you've heard about our tragedy.Copy !req
588. - Poor Camille.
- That's why I'm here.Copy !req
589. Eliza called me, distraught.Copy !req
590. She loves that dog.Copy !req
591. As do we all, sir.Copy !req
592. I'll cut right to the chase, Ward.Copy !req
593. Find that dog. Whatever it takes.Copy !req
594. Eliza wants to win that dog show.Copy !req
595. Make my daughter happy, or I'll find
a competent headmaster for my school.Copy !req
596. Where's the money Mom left?Copy !req
597. In the cookie jar.Copy !req
598. And when you get finished over here,
get started on the living room.Copy !req
599. And I suggest you shake a leg.Copy !req
600. We've got some calisthenics
to get to, soldier.Copy !req
601. What? No way!Copy !req
602. Hey, don't give me any lip. All right?Copy !req
603. This is for your own good.Copy !req
604. Now, you may be smart,
but you're still a little scrawny.Copy !req
605. You won't last a week at Starkwell.Copy !req
606. Now, what's Van Dusen's number?Copy !req
607. I'm gonna call him and tell him
to pick up his insane dog.Copy !req
608. No, no, no!
I mean, I'll do it.Copy !req
609. You know,
this is all my fault anyway, so...Copy !req
610. I should be responsible for it.Copy !req
611. That's what I like to hear.Copy !req
612. Good, good, little brother.
You're taking responsibility for yourself.Copy !req
613. Now, I'm gonna be upstairs napping,
and when Mom calls,Copy !req
614. I want to talk to her.Copy !req
615. Please ring.
I'll be a nicer person, I promise.Copy !req
616. - I won't ever...Copy !req
617. - Hello? Hello?
- Hello, Mr. Van Dusen.Copy !req
618. Oh, it's you.Copy !req
619. Yeah. I'm gonna
leave your dog in the park.Copy !req
620. Well, what do you want?
Two thousand dollars?Copy !req
621. 'Cause that's all she's worth, really.Copy !req
622. - No, no. That's not what...
- Not what you had in mind?Copy !req
623. Okay, $5,000.Copy !req
624. You said the park?
Let's meet at the ice skating rink.Copy !req
625. 4:00. Okay?Copy !req
626. Do I even want to know
what you were up to in there?Copy !req
627. - I thought you were taking a nap.
- I changed my mind.Copy !req
628. Well, I didn't want to disturb you,
so I called up Mr. Van DusenCopy !req
629. and asked him
if I can bring the dog back now.Copy !req
630. And he said meet him at the park,
so can I get a lift?Copy !req
631. Well, I guess I do owe you
from before, so let's go.Copy !req
632. - Did you ask Van Dusen for money?
- What?Copy !req
633. - Excuse me?
- For the damages to the house.Copy !req
634. I mean, his dog caused it.Copy !req
635. I'd say it's at least
a couple hundred bucks' worth.Copy !req
636. Oh!Copy !req
637. Hey, ask him. Okay?Copy !req
638. He's loaded. He owes us.Copy !req
639. Okay. All right, sure. I'll ask.Copy !req
640. - Man. She's waking up.
- What?Copy !req
641. - Oh, my God!Copy !req
642. - Pull over!
- I'm pullin'!Copy !req
643. Hey, man, jump! Jump!Copy !req
644. Oh, my God! Run!Copy !req
645. She's getting away!Copy !req
646. Great. This is just great.Copy !req
647. No, see, now you're gonna have to
tell Van Dusen that you lost his dog.Copy !req
648. But she's a small dog.
She can't go too far.Copy !req
649. No. You know what? I did not sign up
for a search and rescue, okay?Copy !req
650. This is your responsibility now.Copy !req
651. I'm going home.Copy !req
652. And when you get home,
if I just so happen to be asleep,Copy !req
653. please don't wake me, all right?Copy !req
654. Good luck.Copy !req
655. Thanks for nothing!Copy !req
656. - Good afternoon.
- Hi.Copy !req
657. Do we have business to take care of?Copy !req
658. - What kind of business?
- Doggie business.Copy !req
659. Hey! Watch it, mister.Copy !req
660. - Find the dog?
- Don't worry about it.Copy !req
661. Well, how much money
did Van Dusen fork over?Copy !req
662. Um, well, he didn't give me any money,
'cause you know how he is.Copy !req
663. - Said it's not his fault.Copy !req
664. Jay, come on, little brother!
His dog is a nut case!Copy !req
665. You don't ask someone to watch your dog
and then not tell them that.Copy !req
666. You know what? I'll get him to pay.Copy !req
667. No, no, no! Don't do that! Because...Copy !req
668. - 'Cause you can't.
- Actually, yes, I can.Copy !req
669. Why? Because he owes us.Copy !req
670. Now, hand over the phone!Copy !req
671. Hey, give me that. Let go!Copy !req
672. Hey, come here! Come here.Copy !req
673. - Come here.
- Get off me.Copy !req
674. Yeah, come here. Give it.Copy !req
675. Give it, give it. Let go. Let go!Copy !req
676. - Man, stop. That's my drawing hand.
- Then let go! Give me it!Copy !req
677. See?Copy !req
678. Mike!Copy !req
679. There's something I've gotta tell you.Copy !req
680. How could you let this happen to you?Copy !req
681. You should have spoken up
right from the very beginning,Copy !req
682. right when you knew that
Ronny was giving your presentation!Copy !req
683. You have got to find a spine,
little brother!Copy !req
684. You're gonna get crushed at Starkwell.Copy !req
685. Man, enough with
the Starkwell stuff, already!Copy !req
686. I don't want to go to Starkwell!Copy !req
687. I don't want the same things
you want, Mike. I want to study art.Copy !req
688. Art is for people who think
that they're better than everyone else.Copy !req
689. And I'll tell you
something else, little brother.Copy !req
690. If it wasn't for the military,Copy !req
691. people wouldn't even be able
to waste their time with art,Copy !req
692. because there wouldn't be any freedom.Copy !req
693. Dad would've wanted me to do
whatever I wanted to do.Copy !req
694. Look, I can't get involved with this.Copy !req
695. A thing like this
could ruin my military career.Copy !req
696. You figure it out. I'm not helping.Copy !req
697. I don't want any part of this.Copy !req
698. Why would this time be any different?Copy !req
699. You never helped me with anything!Copy !req
700. That's because
you've always been such a little baby!Copy !req
701. Gosh, you're such a snot!Copy !req
702. Oh, here come the tears.
Go ahead, cry, baby.Copy !req
703. Man, I hate you!Copy !req
704. This is what I get.Copy !req
705. This is what I get after being
a brother and a father to youCopy !req
706. for the past six years.Copy !req
707. That's really nice, Jay.Copy !req
708. Man, you were nothing to me!Copy !req
709. You just don't remember.
You were too young when it happened.Copy !req
710. Man, I used to do a ton of stuff for you.Copy !req
711. Man, I remember plenty.Copy !req
712. This one night for sure.Copy !req
713. Right after he died.Copy !req
714. I was seven years old.Copy !req
715. I had a nightmare,
and I crawled into your bed.Copy !req
716. I was crying, and you woke up
and you pushed me out.Copy !req
717. You wouldn't even listen to me.Copy !req
718. All you said to me was,
"Stop being such a baby."Copy !req
719. But I was seven, Mike. I was a baby.Copy !req
720. I don't remember that.Copy !req
721. Well, I'll never forget it.Copy !req
722. It's when I learned
I should never count on you.Copy !req
723. Hey. Just...Copy !req
724. Just wait, okay?Copy !req
725. Sit down.Copy !req
726. Forget about the stupid dog, okay?Copy !req
727. It followed you home.
It got out on its own.Copy !req
728. It probably would've been lost, anyway.Copy !req
729. I don't know, Mike.Copy !req
730. It sort of is my fault
that the dog got out.Copy !req
731. Please. I'm sure that silly dog
couldn't wait to get away from Van Dusen.Copy !req
732. Come on. Someone will find it, adopt it.
It'll be much happier.Copy !req
733. I guess.Copy !req
734. And I'm gonna call Van DusenCopy !req
735. and get to the bottom of this
stolen presentation thing.Copy !req
736. No one steals from the Martins.Copy !req
737. If Ronny won with your presentation,
then you deserve that scholarship,Copy !req
738. and I'm gonna get it for you.Copy !req
739. But Van Dusen is just gonna deny it.Copy !req
740. We'll see.Copy !req
741. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
742. You okay?Copy !req
743. But Mr. Van Dusen,
the presentations were exactly the same.Copy !req
744. - Word for word.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
745. I've been over all this
with your brother, Michael.Copy !req
746. - Sir...
- Ronny wrote that presentation himself.Copy !req
747. - End of story.
- But...Copy !req
748. Are we clear on this, now?Copy !req
749. Good night.Copy !req
750. Well, what did he say?Copy !req
751. Well, he said
Ronny wrote the presentation.Copy !req
752. - Told you he would say that.
- Well, he's obviously lying.Copy !req
753. How can you tell?Copy !req
754. Well, his mouth was moving, for one,Copy !req
755. and secondly, Van Dusen's pond scum, okay?Copy !req
756. He's always been pond scum.
That's how I know he's lying.Copy !req
757. Hey, do you remember that time
when I was at ColumbusCopy !req
758. and I got cut from the baseball team
to make room for his nephewCopy !req
759. who never played baseball
before in his life?Copy !req
760. Well, Mike, there's nothing
we can do about it now.Copy !req
761. Well, we have to do something.Copy !req
762. I mean, we can't just let
Van Dusen get away with this.Copy !req
763. You know what? Here's what we'll do.Copy !req
764. We'll find this mutt of his, right?Copy !req
765. And since Van Dusen seems so eager
to pay a reward for his lost pooch,Copy !req
766. we'll just let him.Copy !req
767. But in the meantime, we have to stall
for time while we look for the dog.Copy !req
768. Wait, Mike. Are you sure
this is the right thing to do?Copy !req
769. Hey, this is about family honor, Jay.Copy !req
770. You're going to the Peterson Academy.Copy !req
771. You worked hard for that scholarship,
all right? You deserve it.Copy !req
772. Okay, what did you do
with my brother Mike?Copy !req
773. Ha, ha. Very funny.
Hey, but if we do this,Copy !req
774. we're gonna do it the Army way, okay?Copy !req
775. Strict and covert.
Not a word about this to anyone.Copy !req
776. - You understand?
- Right.Copy !req
777. All right.Copy !req
778. It is gonna be a great party.
It will. It's gonna be great.Copy !req
779. But it would be even better
if you could be there.Copy !req
780. Jay!Copy !req
781. - Hey, Ronny.
- Martian.Copy !req
782. - What's up?Copy !req
783. Anyway, listen.
If you guys need hall passes,Copy !req
784. I mean, if you do need 'em,
I am running a special this week.Copy !req
785. Two for one.Copy !req
786. So, you should call me
about the party or...Copy !req
787. Or, you know, you should e-mail me,
page me, fax me, write me, whatever.Copy !req
788. All right, babe? Bye.Copy !req
789. I'm glad you made it, Jay. Ronny's been
hanging around me like a mosquito.Copy !req
790. He never stops being a pest.Copy !req
791. Jay Martin, please report
to Mr. Van Dusen's office.Copy !req
792. Jay Martin, report to
Mr. Van Dusen's office.Copy !req
793. - Mr. Martin?
- Yes, sir?Copy !req
794. My dog is missing.Copy !req
795. I want to talk to you
about getting her back.Copy !req
796. - I am so sorry, Mr. Van Dusen...
- Yeah, yeah, I know.Copy !req
797. Looks like a textbook dognapping job.Copy !req
798. Obviously, somebody knows how much
a prize show dog is worth.Copy !req
799. I'm putting student council in charge
of posting reward signs.Copy !req
800. As president, I want you to organize it.Copy !req
801. Five thousand dollars for information
leading to the return of Camille.Copy !req
802. Wow, that's a lot of money.Copy !req
803. Whoever tries to bring
the little fluffball backCopy !req
804. is obviously the dognapper.Copy !req
805. When they show up with the dog,
I'll have him arrested, everybody's happy.Copy !req
806. I want them up by tonight!
Three hundred signs!Copy !req
807. No excuses.Copy !req
808. Go, go, go!Copy !req
809. Oh, yes, sir.Copy !req
810. He talked about them getting arrested.Copy !req
811. What'll I do?Copy !req
812. He wants to start a war? All right,
we can play that game for a little while.Copy !req
813. - What about the posters?
- Stall as long as you can, all right?Copy !req
814. Meet me at home, 1600 hours.Copy !req
815. - Yes, hello.
Hello, Van Dusen.Copy !req
816. Where were you last night?
I waited over an hour.Copy !req
817. - Where was I? Where were you?
- I was there.Copy !req
818. At the fountain? The marble statue
of the angels in the center of the park?Copy !req
819. You said the ice skating rink
near the entrance.Copy !req
820. That is insane.Copy !req
821. Why would I ever agree to meet you
at an ice rink? Witnesses, man!Copy !req
822. Use a little common sense, will you?Copy !req
823. - Look, I don't have to...
- Never mind. I forgive you.Copy !req
824. What?Copy !req
825. All right. Now,
here's what we're gonna do, okay?Copy !req
826. Just so there's no confusion or mix-ups.Copy !req
827. I want you to meet me at, um...Copy !req
828. Mrs. Bee's Bakery at exactly 4:00.Copy !req
829. Come alone. No cops.Copy !req
830. I want you to purchase a large sheet cake,Copy !req
831. and have them write on it...Copy !req
832. I'm trying to use the phone, man.
Excuse me.Copy !req
833. You know, get to steppin'. All right.Copy !req
834. Have them write on it...Copy !req
835. "The itsy bitsy spider" in blue...
No, red icing.Copy !req
836. That is ludicrous.Copy !req
837. Of course it's ludicrous!
That's the point, Van Dusen! Man!Copy !req
838. You want the dog, don't you?
Tell me you want the dog.Copy !req
839. Now, listen up, all right,
'cause there's a little more.Copy !req
840. Jay? Why can't we just make one poster
and photocopy it, like, 300 times?Copy !req
841. Well, Van Dusen wants
colorful, attractive posters.Copy !req
842. If they were all the same,
people would start ignoring them, right?Copy !req
843. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
844. All right, guys. We need 300 posters,
so, let's pick up the pace.Copy !req
845. All right, guys.
It's time to assemble a posting team.Copy !req
846. - I'll lead, and I'll take...
- Ooh, ooh. Pick me.Copy !req
847. Ooh, ooh, ooh...Copy !req
848. - Bill and Andy.
- Yes!Copy !req
849. Bill and Andy? Are you kidding?Copy !req
850. I thought Van Dusen wanted these
posters up by this century.Copy !req
851. They haven't even finished
their first poster.Copy !req
852. Well, guys, we need about 150 more.
So, let's keep 'em coming.Copy !req
853. Here, take that. Come on.Copy !req
854. Hey, thanks, Jay.
This is way cooler than coloring.Copy !req
855. Yeah, way, way cooler.Copy !req
856. Here, give me some of these.Copy !req
857. Bill, we're gonna have to split upCopy !req
858. if we're gonna get
all these posters up by tonight.Copy !req
859. Where do you want 'em posted?Copy !req
860. You know what, Andy?Copy !req
861. I'm gonna let you guys decide where you
think the most people will check 'em out.Copy !req
862. Oh, and good luck, guys.Copy !req
863. I just knew he'd pick us. I just knew.Copy !req
864. This is perfect, 'cause people stand here
for, like, 10 minutes washing their cars.Copy !req
865. Yeah, then they'll have to
read the poster.Copy !req
866. Here we go. All right.Copy !req
867. Don't be afraid of it.
It's not gonna bite you.Copy !req
868. - All right.
- Are you sure about this?Copy !req
869. Yeah, I'm positive.Copy !req
870. - All right.
- Done?Copy !req
871. Yeah, close it up tight.Copy !req
872. Oh!Copy !req
873. Hey, what about that pole over there?Copy !req
874. Perfect. It's by a stop light.Copy !req
875. People will have to stop
and read the poster.Copy !req
876. So they don't blow away.Copy !req
877. Okay.Copy !req
878. - Here you go.
- Okay.Copy !req
879. So, how does it look?Copy !req
880. It looks great.Copy !req
881. No, wait! Come back! Come back!Copy !req
882. - No, he got our posters!
- Hey, give us back our posters!Copy !req
883. Oh, no, come back.Copy !req
884. Still no sign.Copy !req
885. This is starting to look suspicious.Copy !req
886. We better try something else.Copy !req
887. Hey, man! Yo, there she is!Copy !req
888. Yes!Copy !req
889. Yeah. We got her. She's on the line.Copy !req
890. She's gone! Now what are we
gonna tell Van Dusen?Copy !req
891. I think we need a little more time.Copy !req
892. I'm gonna have you the dog by Friday, sir.Copy !req
893. Friday.
- Absolutely.Copy !req
894. - My promise.
- I'm not kidding around.Copy !req
895. - Alrighty, then. Bye-bye.
- I'm tired of your excuses, Ward.Copy !req
896. - Yes, sir. Bye-bye.
- The dog show is Friday.Copy !req
897. - I want that dog.
- Yes, sir. Good-bye.Copy !req
898. Do you know what I'm saying, Ward?Copy !req
899. I'm sorry, sir.
I wasn't hanging the phone up...Copy !req
900. What happened, you sneaky weasel?Copy !req
901. It's you!Copy !req
902. Listen to me. I did everything you asked
me to, and you still didn't show up!Copy !req
903. - You called the police, didn't you?
- I did no such thing.Copy !req
904. You're just trying
to make a buffoon out of me.Copy !req
905. I'm done with your games!Copy !req
906. Hey, that place was swarming
with badges, and you know it.Copy !req
907. - Now, you hold on a minute...
- No, I don't have a minute, Van Dusen.Copy !req
908. So, listen up, all right? 4:30 today.Copy !req
909. Go by the, uh, bowling alley.Copy !req
910. Get yourself a bright orange bowling ball.Copy !req
911. I want you to bowl
10 straight frames of gutter balls.Copy !req
912. Not one pin knocked down,
you understand me, mister?Copy !req
913. The last frame, your ball will be
returned to you with a note attached,Copy !req
914. telling you where to find the dog.Copy !req
915. By the way, does your wife have
a frilly robe and some fluffy slippers?Copy !req
916. Yes!Copy !req
917. Goose egg.Copy !req
918. Zero for 10.Copy !req
919. Guess it's not my night.Copy !req
920. Where's that note? I want my note!Copy !req
921. Where's my note?
You promised me a note!Copy !req
922. I want it! Give it to me now!
I want that note!Copy !req
923. Get away! Get away!Copy !req
924. Mommy! Get away.Copy !req
925. - Mommy!
Oh, there she is.Copy !req
926. See, I told you I knew her voice.Copy !req
927. You don't listen to that yapping all night
without getting it burned into your mind.Copy !req
928. All right, now.
Just stay behind me, all right?Copy !req
929. She might make a run for it.Copy !req
930. All right, come on. Watch my back.
All right, come here.Copy !req
931. - Come on, stay close. Stay close, come on.
- Mommy!Copy !req
932. - Hi.
- Come here, girl. Come here, Camille.Copy !req
933. - Come here, dog.
- Come on, Camille.Copy !req
934. I got her.Copy !req
935. All right, come on.
Get her, get her, get her!Copy !req
936. - I don't believe it.
- Me neither.Copy !req
937. Nice. Well done, little brother.Copy !req
938. Come here, you stupid dog. Hello.Copy !req
939. She acts a lot more normal now.Copy !req
940. Yeah. I guess all she needed
was to run aroundCopy !req
941. and burn off some energy, you know?Copy !req
942. I mean, she spends
half her life at the groomerCopy !req
943. and the other half going to dog shows.Copy !req
944. She just needed to chill out
and be a regular dog for a while.Copy !req
945. Now, we can really
set up that trade, you know?Copy !req
946. I got a good feeling about this, Jay.Copy !req
947. I've been informed that we're up
and running at your house as well.Copy !req
948. Good. I want that miscreant behind bars
as soon as possible.Copy !req
949. This way, son.Copy !req
950. You... You wanted to...Copy !req
951. What?Copy !req
952. You wanted to see me, sir?Copy !req
953. I want 300 new posters, Martin,
with a police hotline number on 'em.Copy !req
954. Get on it right away.Copy !req
955. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.Copy !req
956. No way. No way!Copy !req
957. Excuse me, are you gonna be long?Copy !req
958. 'Cause I have to make
a really important call.Copy !req
959. Are you serious?Copy !req
960. No way.Copy !req
961. No way. Really?Copy !req
962. No way.Copy !req
963. No way, no way, no way.Copy !req
964. Hello.Copy !req
965. Hello, for the last time, Van Dusen.Copy !req
966. - What do you mean?
- Well, either we settle this matter today,Copy !req
967. or it does not get settled at all.Copy !req
968. Yeah, right. Yeah, right.Copy !req
969. I'm so sure.Copy !req
970. No way. He is not.Copy !req
971. She is not.Copy !req
972. We are not!Copy !req
973. - This is an emergency. I'm really sorry.
- Oh!Copy !req
974. Let's just keep it
nice and simple, all right?Copy !req
975. Let's meet in a simple location
in a secluded part...Copy !req
976. - Oh, you know what? Hold on.Copy !req
977. That's my other line.Copy !req
978. He put me on hold.Copy !req
979. That's excellent. That buys more time.Copy !req
980. We just need two minutes.Copy !req
981. Hello?Copy !req
982. The police are tapping Van Dusen's phone!Copy !req
983. What? I'm on the other line
with him right now.Copy !req
984. Hang up! Hang up, now!Copy !req
985. - Van Dusen?
- Yes.Copy !req
986. - I thought of a place.
- Oh, you know? I gotta go. Bye.Copy !req
987. He hung up on me.Copy !req
988. Jay!Copy !req
989. - Hey, Jay!
- Over here.Copy !req
990. - Hey, man, any sign?
- No.Copy !req
991. The trace must not have gone through.Copy !req
992. We can't just turn her in now.Copy !req
993. Well, maybe we can let her loose,
and hopefully someone will find her.Copy !req
994. What if she gets hit by a car?
I can't live with that.Copy !req
995. Look, it's either that or we go to jail.Copy !req
996. I mean, do you understand, Jay?Copy !req
997. Our lives could be ruined by this.Copy !req
998. Man, look.
I'm sorry I got you involved in this.Copy !req
999. Look, if we get arrested,
I promise I will take all the blame.Copy !req
1000. And if I wasn't such a wimp,
none of this would have ever happened.Copy !req
1001. No, see, we're in this together.
And we'll get out of it together.Copy !req
1002. Good. 'Cause I think I got a plan
that'll get us out of all of this.Copy !req
1003. All right. Well, let's hear it.Copy !req
1004. Okay. First...Copy !req
1005. So, what do you think
of my disguise?Copy !req
1006. I told you, man.
It looks like you cut it off the dog.Copy !req
1007. Really?Copy !req
1008. It's 'cause I did.Copy !req
1009. I don't know about this, little brother.
It seems really risky to me.Copy !req
1010. It's simple. See, Look.
The police are in the main house.Copy !req
1011. So, I'll just sneak through
the neighbors' backyardsCopy !req
1012. and into the pool house.Copy !req
1013. But if Ronny's there,
you just distract him for a little bit.Copy !req
1014. - It'll be fine.
- I guess.Copy !req
1015. But I don't really know
a whole lot about BMX bikes.Copy !req
1016. Just wing it.Copy !req
1017. Okay, when you hear the bird call,Copy !req
1018. get out of there.Copy !req
1019. Hey, did you draw this all from memory?Copy !req
1020. - Yeah.
- It's really good, Jay.Copy !req
1021. Thanks.Copy !req
1022. All right, Camille. Ready to go home?Copy !req
1023. - Oh, I'm gonna miss you, too.Copy !req
1024. So long, puppy dog.Copy !req
1025. Quiet! Quiet!Copy !req
1026. Don't worry, Camille.Copy !req
1027. We're just gonna take you
for a little walk in the basket, okay?Copy !req
1028. Good girl. Who's a good dog?Copy !req
1029. - How'd you get her to do that?Copy !req
1030. I don't know. I was just nice to her.Copy !req
1031. All right. Wish me luck.Copy !req
1032. You don't need luck, little brother.
It's a good plan.Copy !req
1033. Go on, Suggs. Go outside.
Do your business.Copy !req
1034. Get off of me! Get away!Copy !req
1035. Get away from me! Get away, get away!Copy !req
1036. Come here, Suggs! Come on, boy!Copy !req
1037. Good boy, Suggs.Copy !req
1038. Hi. Who are you?Copy !req
1039. Hi, I'm Fred Fredrickson.Copy !req
1040. Yeah, I'm a reporter from BMX magazine.Copy !req
1041. I was wondering
if you'd be interested in doingCopy !req
1042. a small review for the magazine?Copy !req
1043. Wait. Wait, how did you know
I like BMX bikes?Copy !req
1044. Well, you do subscribe
to the magazine, don't you?Copy !req
1045. No. No, I don't.
I get my issues up the street.Copy !req
1046. Okay, well, you know what?Copy !req
1047. If you're not interested
in getting a free BMX bikeCopy !req
1048. for writing a real kid's review,
that's okay...Copy !req
1049. No, actually, I'm interested. I...Copy !req
1050. What do I do to get the bike?Copy !req
1051. Well, just answer a few questions
for us to see if you qualify, okay?Copy !req
1052. Let's have 'em.Copy !req
1053. Okay, um, questions.Copy !req
1054. Let's see what we got here.Copy !req
1055. Okay. Um...Copy !req
1056. Okay, uh, BMX stands for what, exactly?Copy !req
1057. Uh, bicycle motocross. Next.Copy !req
1058. Okay. Um...Copy !req
1059. Let's go, let's go, let's go...Copy !req
1060. Oh, man.Copy !req
1061. Um, those things that
the BMX frame rides on.Copy !req
1062. What are those called?Copy !req
1063. You mean the tires?Copy !req
1064. You're good, mister.
You're really good.Copy !req
1065. Okay, well...Copy !req
1066. To "pop a wheelie"
means to do what in BMX jargon?Copy !req
1067. These questions are ridiculous, and...Copy !req
1068. You know what? That's wrong. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1069. No, you know what? I know the answer.Copy !req
1070. I can only accept
your initial answer to the question.Copy !req
1071. Next question.Copy !req
1072. Whoa!Copy !req
1073. What was that?Copy !req
1074. Oh, sorry. I had a little rumble
in my stomach. I'm a little hungry.Copy !req
1075. So, tell me, what kind of axle grease
does BMX rider Kai Vierstra prefer?Copy !req
1076. - What's the guy's name?
- Kai Vierstra.Copy !req
1077. It's in the throat.Copy !req
1078. I don't know.Copy !req
1079. - Hello?
- Hello, Mr. Van Dusen.Copy !req
1080. Sorry I had to hang up
on you the last time.Copy !req
1081. I, uh... I stubbed my toe.Copy !req
1082. Anyway, this is your last chance
to get your dog back, so listen up.Copy !req
1083. I'm listening.Copy !req
1084. Meet me behind Fineman's Deli in one hour.Copy !req
1085. It's secluded there.Copy !req
1086. - Good-bye, Mr. Van Dusen.
- No, wait, can...Copy !req
1087. He hung up.Copy !req
1088. No, he didn't break the connection.
We're still tracing.Copy !req
1089. We're gonna get him.Copy !req
1090. Come on.Copy !req
1091. I'm gonna miss you.Copy !req
1092. Look... I don't really have time
for a long good-bye,Copy !req
1093. but... You be good, okay?Copy !req
1094. Mars is the fourth, fifth,
or sixth planet from the sun?Copy !req
1095. Wait, that has nothing
to do with BMX bikes, at all.Copy !req
1096. Bye, Camille.Copy !req
1097. Oh, you know what? It's a moot point,
because you didn't pass the test.Copy !req
1098. Wait, what do you mean, I didn't pass?
I got one wrong.Copy !req
1099. No, no, no. See, you missed the whole
"pop a wheelie" question, and...Copy !req
1100. That's still one wrong!Copy !req
1101. Thank you so much for playing.
I appreciate your time, okay.Copy !req
1102. But we've got a lovely parting gift
for you today.Copy !req
1103. Please enjoy these free BMX magazines.Copy !req
1104. Have a great day, okay? Buh-bye.Copy !req
1105. I won, really.Copy !req
1106. It says the call is coming in
from this address.Copy !req
1107. It can't be. We're all right here.Copy !req
1108. Except for...Copy !req
1109. Go, go!Copy !req
1110. Hello?Copy !req
1111. Hello, indeed.Copy !req
1112. Hey, you found Camille.Copy !req
1113. We certainly did,
and I, for one, am speechless.Copy !req
1114. My own son. I would never have guessed.Copy !req
1115. Oh, is my little baby all right?Copy !req
1116. Is this what you were
gonna do with the money?Copy !req
1117. Buy a BMXer
I already said you couldn't have?Copy !req
1118. First of all, stop calling it a BMXer.Copy !req
1119. That's not what it is.Copy !req
1120. And second of all,
what are you talking about?Copy !req
1121. Don't play innocent with us, young man.Copy !req
1122. Kidnapping your own mother's dog.
How low can you get?Copy !req
1123. I'd say the apple doesn't fall
very far from the tree, Ward.Copy !req
1124. Everybody wants to get
where they're going as fast as they can.Copy !req
1125. Including those with physical challenges.Copy !req
1126. Our town can make
greater efforts to createCopy !req
1127. a more handicapped
accessible environment.Copy !req
1128. With the addition of moving sidewalks
throughout the entire town,Copy !req
1129. and automatic doors
outside of every building,Copy !req
1130. we could begin the process
of reversing discriminationCopy !req
1131. against the physically challenged
in our world...Copy !req
1132. And, eventually, in the entire world.Copy !req
1133. You just heard
Jay Martin's scholarship-winningCopy !req
1134. community improvement presentation.Copy !req
1135. In light of some recent occurrences,
we re-opened the competition.Copy !req
1136. And so, Mr. Martin will be attending
the Donald Peterson AcademyCopy !req
1137. on a full scholarship.Copy !req
1138. - Yes! Yeah!Copy !req
1139. Mmm-mmm.Copy !req
1140. - Good job, man. Well done.
- Thanks.Copy !req
1141. Come here, come here.
Good job. Knucklehead!Copy !req
1142. Before we call the graduates up
to receive their diplomas,Copy !req
1143. I'll make a short speech
about the promise of the future.Copy !req
1144. Then, you will introduce
our keynote speaker, Nurse Ketcham.Copy !req
1145. You buzzed, sir?Copy !req
1146. Yes, Ward.Copy !req
1147. I'd like another orange soda,
with less ice this time.Copy !req
1148. And another root beer for Mr. Martin.Copy !req
1149. Sorry to interrupt, Daddy, but I just
had to stop by with the good news.Copy !req
1150. Did you see that?Copy !req
1151. I've never seen Camille
take to someone like that.Copy !req
1152. Guess I just have a way with dogs.Copy !req
1153. This dog is an excellent
judge of character.Copy !req
1154. What are you doing here, dear?Copy !req
1155. Oh, I just had to come by.
I couldn't wait.Copy !req
1156. I just came from the vet, and he said
that Camille was just fine.Copy !req
1157. He said that all this time
she was probably just stressed.Copy !req
1158. That couldn't wait until I got home?Copy !req
1159. No, this couldn't.Copy !req
1160. It's the most wonderful news in the world.Copy !req
1161. Camille is going to have puppies!Copy !req
1162. Of course, I want to keep most of them.Copy !req
1163. But, since Camille seems
to like Jay so much,Copy !req
1164. would you like one of her puppies?Copy !req
1165. Yeah, thanks.Copy !req
1166. But the puppies will play havoc
with my allergies.Copy !req
1167. Oh, I know.Copy !req
1168. With Ronny off at school,
you can move into the pool house.Copy !req
1169. It's for your own good.Copy !req
1170. Thank you, dear.Copy !req
1171. Hey, Mr. Van Dusen.
Congratulations on the puppies.Copy !req
1172. - It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.Copy !req
1173. Forward march!Copy !req
1174. Left, left, left, right, left!Copy !req
1175. Platoon, halt!Copy !req
1176. I'm proud of you, son.Copy !req
1177. You've whipped this sorry group
into fine shape.Copy !req
1178. Thank you, sir!Copy !req
1179. Carry on.Copy !req
1180. About face!Copy !req
1181. Cadet Van Dusen!Copy !req
1182. What is the Starkwell creed, son?Copy !req
1183. Always try harder! Never give up, sir!Copy !req
1184. What are the three Rs, son?Copy !req
1185. Rules, regimen and respect, sir!Copy !req
1186. What does "pop-a-wheelie"
mean to you? Yeah!Copy !req
1187. Right, face!Copy !req
1188. Forward, march!Copy !req
1189. Left, left, left, right, left.Copy !req
1190. Left, left, left, right, left.Copy !req
1191. Left, left, left, right, left.Copy !req