Holy Man (1998)

1. THIS PRODUCT REALLY WORKS.

2. AND CONDITION THE HAIR,

3. DEEP DOWN INTO THE ROOT SYSTEM.

4. BY AN ACTUAL 13th-CENTURY JAPANESE WARLORD'S DIRECT DESCENDENT.

5. WE ARE TALKING A 42-INCH RAZOR BLADE, FOLKS.

6. NUMEROUS TIMES.

7. MONEY IS A LIVING, BREATHING THING, GERI.

8. IF YOU DISRESPECT MONEY, ITS FEELINGS GET HURT,

9. YOUR TWO HUSBANDS DID.

10. WHEN YOU ARE DOWN, YOUR MONEY IS SAD.

11. AND WHEN YOU ARE STRONG, YOUR MONEY IS VERY, VERY HAPPY.

12. NO FEAR. NO PANIC.

13. JUST BE MYSELF. JUST BE MYSELF.

14. I'M READY. I'M PREPARED.

15. THE NEW GUY'S GONNA LIKE ME

16. 'CAUSE I'M A SKILLED

17. MR. RICK, YOU—

18. THANK YOU. APPRECIATE IT. THANK YOU, HONEY.

19. GOOD, BETTER, BEST.

20. IS BETTER AND YOUR BETTER IS BEST.

21. AND THEN, YOU KNOW, WHEN CRUCIAL DECISIONS ARE MADE,

22. PEOPLE GET LEFT BEHIND. WE'RE THE FUTURE.

23. LISTEN. IT REMINDS ME OF A STORY IN MY PERSONAL LIFE.

24. IN THE EARLY '60s, MY FATHER WAS IN THE EYEGLASS BUSINESS.

25. AND ONE DAY, MY UNCLE, UH, COMES TO HIM AND HE SAYS,

26. "LEO, WE GOTTA MAKE A CHANGE. THE FUTURE IS IN PLEXIGLAS."

27. MY FATHER SAID, "PLEXIGLAS IS CRAP, AND I'M NOT GONNA SELL IT."

28. AND HE DIDN'T, AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? THE PUBLIC WANTED IT.

29. MY UNCLE GOT INTO PLEXI, MADE A FORTUNE.

30. MY DAD, HE HURLED HIMSELF OUT THE 17th-FLOOR WINDOW OF HIS OFFICE.

31. IF IT'D BEEN PLEXIGLAS, HE'D STILL BE— I'LL HOLD.

32. HI, OF COURSE, I'M KIDDING. I'M PRETTY SURE MY DAD'S STILL ALIVE.

33. DON'T BE LIKE HIM. DON'T MISS THE BOAT.

34. COME ON, SELL YOUR PRODUCT ON OUR CHANNEL.

35. IN 6 MONTHS, IF YOU STILL DON'T LIKE US,

36. OF COURSE IT MAKES SENSE. I KNOW IT IS.

37. GREAT, AND YOUR STOCKHOLDERS WON'T REGRET IT, IT'S BULLETPROOF.

38. FIRE!

39. RICKY, THESE EYE MASSAGERS, WHAT DO YA THINK, HUH?

40. WHAT IS THAT, THE WHITE MASK OF ZORRO? YOU'RE SPOOKIN' ME OUT.

41. RICKY. RICKY. GREAT. HEY, AL!

42. - HOW'VE YOU BEEN? - GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

43. LOOK, I WANTED TO SHOW YOU THESE MATS.

44. I'VE SEEN THOSE. NO, THANK YOU.

45. THESE ARE DIFFERENT. THEY'RE DOORMATS. I'VE SEEN THEM.

46. THEY'RE MADE TO LOOK LIKE GRASS.

47. GOT IT. DON'T WANT IT. THANK YOU.

48. OKAY. TIM GEORGE HAS OFFERED ME A GOOD PRICE OVER AT QVC.

49. OKAY, LEMME SEE, LEMME SEE. WHAT'S THE GIMMICK? GIVE ME THE THING.

50. IT WORKS FOR ALL FOUR SEASONS. YEAH?

51. THIS ONE IS SUMMER. AUTUMN. SPRING.

52. LOOK LIKE KIDS DID THIS.

53. WINTER. HUH? OH, LOOK AT THAT.

54. WE CALL IT THE FOUR SEASONS PAD. IT'S EDUCATIONAL.

55. EDUCATIONAL? THAT'S NOT GONNA GET ME TO BUY THEM.

56. - TIM GEORGE WANTS 100,000. - THAT GETS ME TO BUY 'EM.

57. OKAY, COME UP WITH A NAME OTHER THAN THE FOUR SEASONS PAD.

58. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SANITARY NAPKIN, OR I DON'T KNOW WHAT.

59. AND CALL ME LATER AND WE'LL WORK OUT THE DETAILS.

60. CAN WE WORK OUT THE DEAL NOW, IN CASE LATER YOU'RE IN, UM—

61. HEY, RICKY.

62. I KNOW McBAINBRIDGE STARTS TODAY. WHAT, IT'S LIKE I'M GETTING FIRED?

63. NO, NO! I DID NOT—I'LL GIVE YOU A CHOP. OKAY. HEY!

64. LEAVE SOME HERE, AND WE'LL GET WHAT'S-HIS-NAME—

65. EDDIE, GREAT.

66. HIS SHOW TONIGHT. TONIGHT.

67. GREAT. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. CALL ME UP. THANK YOU.

68. THANK YOU. OKAY.

69. LADIES! HOW MANY LOVELY LADIES CAN THERE BE?

70. HEY! HEY! FRESCA. MMM! HOW'S MY FAVORITE FOOT MODEL?

71. - GREAT. - YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.

72. LET ME SEE THAT FOOT.

73. - WHAT ARE WE SELLING? - MOOD TOE RINGS.

74. GIMME THE SHOE. TAKE THE SHOE.

75. TAKE THAT. OH, LOOK AT THE—

76. OH! OH! THIS MAKES ME HAPPY.

77. LOOK AT THE TOES. LIKE CANDIES, LIKE RED HOTS.

78. SO SUCCULENT. EXCUSE ME. HELLO. WANT TO KNOW YOUR EMOTIONS?

79. MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME. I KNOW HOW I'M FEELING TODAY.

80. OOH! WAIT A MINUTE.

81. I DON'T KNOW. HANG ON. WAIT. WAIT A SECOND.

82. YOU CAN'T JUMP TO A CONCLUSION LIKE THAT.

83. LET ME DO THIS. LET ME DO THIS.

84. MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

85. YOUR PULSE IS A LITTLE FAST. LET ME GUESS.

86. YOU'RE FEELING LOST AND LIKE YOU COULD USE SOME HELP.

87. COULD I PITCH IN?

88. OH, THAT'S FUNNY.

89. THE SAME THING ABOUT YOU.

90. - WHAT, I LOOK LOST? - NO, THAT YOU NEED SOME HELP.

91. WELL, LIKE MAYBE A LITTLE HELP WITH YOUR NAME.

92. I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU HERE BEFORE. I'M SURE I'D REMEMBER.

93. YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT ONE OF THE MODELS.

94. OH, THANK YOU. THAT'S ALWAYS NICE TO HEAR.

95. OH, NO, NO, OF COURSE I MEANT YOU'RE VERY—

96. LATE.

97. MY NAME'S RICKY, BY THE WAY. WHAT'S YOUR WHOLE NAME AGAIN?

98. I DIDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU.

99. MMM!

100. LAY IT ON ME. WHAT HAVE WE GOT?

101. TELL ME EVERYTHING. JAMES BROWN IS DOING THE SHOW.

102. HI, EVERYBODY.

103. I'M CLARENCE REYNOLDS, HERE WITH THE GODFATHER OF SOUL, JAMES BROWN.

104. WELCOME TO GBSN. WELCOME BACK. OW! I FEEL GOOD THIS MORNING.

105. GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US. IT'S A GROOVE BEIN' BACK WITH YA.

106. NOW, YOU BROUGHT THE SOUL SURVIVAL SYSTEM.

107. THE ONLY WAY OUT.

108. IT'S LIKE A PERSONAL SECURITY SYSTEM.

109. NOW, HOW DOES IT WORK, JUST IN CASE, GOD FORBID,

110. THERE IS A MEDICAL EMERGENCY?

111. OKAY, IF YOU FALL DOWN, YOU MASH THE PANIC BUTTON.

112. HELP ME! HELP ME! GOOD GOD! HELP ME! HELP ME! GOOD GOD!

113. HELP ME! HELP ME! GOOD GOD!

114. IS IT JUST ME, BUT EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS NOT ENTIRELY CLEAR?

115. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. PHONE, PLEASE. OKAY.

116. - NOW, IS THIS ALL WE'VE SOLD? - YEP.

117. RICKY? RICKY. YEAH?

118. JACK SPENCER ON THE PHONE FOR YOU. NO, TELL HIM I'M BUSY.

119. HE SAYS IT'S IMPORTANT.

120. HIT ME! OW!

121. OH YEAH, THAT'LL GET YOU THE HELP YOU NEED.

122. HERE HE COMES. THANK YOU.

123. JACK, HI! WHAT A NICE SURPRI—HUH? WHAT—WHAT'S THE MATTER?

124. WELL— YEAH.

125. WELL, THAT IS— THAT'S AN OUTRAGE.

126. THE BANK SAID EVERYTHING WAS FINE.

127. COMPUTER SCREW-UPS.

128. I'M GONNA CALL 'EM RIGHT UP AND REALLY STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT. THANK YOU. BYE.

129. UM, BARRY, YOU NEED TO MOVE SOME MONEY FROM MY SAVINGS TO CHECKING.

130. THE CAR PAYMENT BOUNCED.

131. AND DON'T TELL ME THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO TRANSFER.

132. GOING TO TELL ME?

133. IS THAT WHAT THAT MEANS?

134. SELL SOME STOCK. WOW.

135. I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET THE NEW GUY TO LIKE ME SO MUCH,

136. HE'S GONNA WANT TO GIVE ME THE RAISE RIGHT AWAY.

137. YOU THINK THAT'S OVERLY OPTIMISTIC?

138. THIRTY SECONDS TO AIR!

139. YOU ARE THE BEST! YEAH!

140. YOUR STUFF IS THE BEST! I CAN DO IT!

141. THEIR THROATS! YEAH! YEAH!

142. I'M 67 YEARS OLD.

143. I'VE MADE LOVE TWICE TODAY.

144. WHY? BECAUSE I'M WEARING NEW CLAM BY VONTE.

145. NEW FRAGRANCE FROM THE SEA.

146. CLAM WORKS.

147. IT CAN BE YOURS FOR JUST 22.72.

148. FOUR EASY PAYMENTS.

149. OH!

150. THREE TIMES!

151. DANNY'S BEEN FASTENED

152. NO-HEAT GLUE GUN.

153. I WOULDN'T TRUST ANY OTHER GLUE GUN WITH MY GRANDSON'S LIFE.

154. SHOULD YOU? UH-UH.

155. BUT, YOU KNOW, BASED ON EVERYTHING I'VE JUST SAID,

156. I THINK YOU CAN SEE THAT IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS THAT A RAISE IS KIND OF, UH,

157. UH, KIND OF IN ORDER.

158. BASED ON WHAT YOU JUST SAID,

159. I THINK IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS THAT A BRAIN SCAN IS IN ORDER.

160. HAYMAN, THINGS ARE NOT CLICKING FOR YOU HERE.

161. FOR 27 MONTHS.

162. NO—WELL, I MEAN, THAT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU DEFINE "FLAT."

163. STAGNANT, NO GROWTH, DEAD.

164. OH, FLAT. FAIR ENOUGH,

165. BUT I'M SURE YOU AGREE THAT

166. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SELL! IT'S THE SELLING ITSELF.

167. IT'S ABOUT MAKING PEOPLE FEEL

168. WHEN THEY DON'T REALLY WANT IT.

169. HAYMAN, I'M GIVING YOU TWO WEEKS TO GET THINGS MOVING, OR YOU'RE HISTORY.

170. WAIT A SECOND.

171. FIRST OF ALL, TWO WEEKS— YOU GOTTA GIVE ME MORE TIME THAN THAT.

172. HOLD IT! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! YEP. YEP.

173. RIGHT THERE.

174. EVERY DAY ON MY WAY TO WORK,

175. I PASS A DOZEN GUYS CARRYING SIGNS.

176. "HOMELESS FAMILY." "WILL WORK FOR FOOD."

177. "PATHETIC VET. GOD BLESS."

178. THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT THEM.

179. A RIGHT TO STAND THERE.

180. SO, FINE, LET 'EM STAND THERE.

181. BUT HERE, IN MY OFFICE, IN MY OWN GODDAMN OFFICE,

182. I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH ANYBODY BEGGING ME FOR ANYTHING!

183. YOU GOT IT?

184. THANKS FOR LISTENING.

185. MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN.

186. WELL, I TOLD YOU

187. AT 3:00 ON THE DOT.

188. AN HOUR LATE, THERE'S A REASON. 15 MINUTES LATE SHOWS

189. CONTEMPT, DISORGANIZATION, LAZINESS.

190. DEPARTMENT.

191. TOOK A LITTLE LONGER THAN I EXPECTED.

192. - HI. I'M KATE NEWELL. - OF COURSE YOU ARE.

193. - THIS IS RICKY HAYMAN. - OH! I'VE BEEN READING ALL ABOUT YOU.

194. - OH, YEAH? - TWENTY-SEVEN MONTHS OF FLATNESS.

195. BOY, THAT'S SOME SORT OF RECORD.

196. KATE IS A MEDIA ANALYST. SHE WENT TO AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL,

197. TO SELL THINGS.

198. AND SEE IF YOU CAN GET SALES UP 8% .

199. EIGHT PERCENT? YEAH.

200. WELL, WHY NOT SHOOT FOR 8% —

201. SIT DOWN. TELL HIM THE PROBLEMS.

202. OKAY. THERE ARE TWO PROBLEMS. THE NETWORK HAS NO IDENTITY.

203. IF YOU PUT ALL OF THE SHOPPING CHANNELS TOGETHER,

204. THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN TELL THEM APART.

205. A CLEAR, DYNAMIC IDENTITY,

206. ALONG WITH BETTER SALES TECHNIQUES,

207. AND EASILY REACH OUR GROWTH TARGET.

208. IDENTITY AND SALES TECHNIQUES.

209. TO COME UP WITH A MORE COMPLETE PLAN.

210. WELL, GOOD. WELL, GOOD.

211. VISION, UH, IS CERTAINLY GOOD.

212. WOW. NEWER?

213. HELLO.

214. DINNER AT HER PLACE,

215. BARRY. BARRY, ANY BUSINESS CALLS?

216. OH, UM, NO.

217. IN McBAINBRIDGE'S OFFICE—

218. - LATER. LATER.

219. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

220. HANG ON. BLOWOUT?

221. THIS IS JUST A GREAT DAY FOR ME, OKAY, SLOW DOWN.

222. JUST A GREAT, GREAT DAY FOR ME.

223. WHEN'S THE GIANT METEOR JUST GONNA TAKE ME OUT, HUH?

224. WE'RE IN A DEAD SPOT.

225. UH, THIS I KNOW.

226. HEY, LOOK AT THIS. IDEAL. IDEAL.

227. HERE, POP THE TRUNK, AND WE'LL CHANGE IT.

228. WHOO! AAH!

229. LOSER!

230. THANKS FOR NOT USING A CAN!

231. I LOVE CHERRY.

232. OH, DON'T DO THAT, PLEASE. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

233. HEY, I SAID, DON'T DO THAT.

234. RICKY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOWER THE TIRE SO YOU CAN TIGHTEN THE LUG NUTS.

235. KATIE, KATIE, KATIE, I SAID DON'T DO IT.

236. I'VE GOT IT RIGHT TO THE LEVEL THAT I WANT IT.

237. I'M TIGHTENING THE NUT.

238. OKAY, MR. EXPERT.

239. OKAY, CAR MECHANIC, OH, EXTRAORDINAIRE.

240. OH, MAN. OH, MAN.

241. WHAT A GAL.

242. RICKY.

243. - RICKY. - WHAT?

244. - SOMEBODY'S COMING. - WHAT, ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE?

245. I DON'T THINK SO.

246. WHAT?

247. UH-OH. HE'S WAVING. DON'T WAVE BACK.

248. HEY, HEY! I SAID, DON'T WAVE BACK.

249. WHAT? HOW DO YOU NOT WAVE BACK?

250. WHEN SOMEBODY WAVES TO YOU, YOU WAVE BACK.

251. NOT IF YOU DON'T WANNA ACKNOWLEDGE THAT PERSON.

252. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

253. WHAT'S HE GONNA DO? HE'S WEARING HIS PAJAMAS.

254. - HE COULD BE DANGEROUS. - HOW DANGEROUS COULD HE BE?

255. - HE KISSES THE GROUND, FOR GOD'S SAKE. - I REST MY CASE.

256. NOTHING'S INTERESTING HERE. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

257. HELLO, TWO PEOPLE!

258. HI! WHAT? KATE! HELLO?

259. HE'S FRIENDLY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

260. OF MY HELP?

261. OH, NO. THANK YOU. NO, NO.

262. - OH, YES, YOU ARE. - NO, WE'RE NOT.

263. STAY THERE. I'M COMING OVER THERE.

264. - NO, THANK YOU. - STAY RIGHT THERE.

265. - STAY THERE! STAY THERE! - YOU NEED MY HELP.

266. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. OH, MY GOD, NO, NO, NO. OH, MY GOODNESS.

267. GO BACK!

268. SEE, I WAS RIGHT. YOU DO NEED MY HELP.

269. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP YOU TWO?

270. YOU'RE VERY KIND, SIR, REALLY, LOOK AT THIS.

271. BUT EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. MY NAME'S "G."

272. - I'M KATE. - HI.

273. - HI. HOW ARE YOU?

274. ROBERT. DIDN'T I SAY THAT? RICKY.

275. - ROBERT RICKY. - HI, ROBERT RICKY.

276. - NICE TO MEET YOU. - IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

277. OH, IT'S SUCH A—SUCH A TREAT.

278. TAKE CARE.

279. "G" STANDS FOR?

280. JUST "G" WITH A PERIOD, THAT'S IT. THAT'S MY NAME, G.

281. I LIKE THAT. OKAY. YES.

282. YOU HAVE TO EXCUSE MY APPEARANCE. I KNOW I'M A LITTLE STICKY HERE.

283. LOOKING LIKE THIS,

284. THROW THINGS AT YOU.

285. YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE A WET WIPE, WOULD YOU?

286. ACTUALLY, I DO.

287. CARRIES WET WIPES.

288. MMM, PREMIUM MOIST TOWELETTES, MY FAVORITE.

289. I CARRY THEM EVERYWHERE.

290. YOU DO?

291. THAT'S YOUR NEED TO BE PREPARED, PERFECTLY PREPARED.

292. LAST BOYFRIEND CRAZY.

293. WHAT HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND

294. YOU NEVER REALLY FEEL PREPARED.

295. THAT'S WHY YOU'RE ALWAYS OVER-PREPARED.

296. MY GOD. HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?

297. BECAUSE HE SEES ALL AND KNOWS ALL?

298. THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

299. SO, THANK YOU SO MUCH, AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

300. SORRY I COULDN'T BE OF MORE HELP TO YOU.

301. OH, NO. OH, NO. YOU WERE WONDERFUL.

302. AND IT WAS SO NICE MEETING YOU.

303. OH, SAME HERE, KATE, WONDERFUL. PLEASURE WAS ALL MINE. YEAH.

304. NICE MEETING YOU, TOO, ROBERT RICKY. MY PLEASURE.

305. MAY WE GIVE YOU A LIFT? OH, NO. I HAVE TO GET BACK TO MY PILGRIMAGE.

306. YOU SURE? YOU HEARD THE PILGRIM.

307. VERY FUNNY. YEAH, THANKS.

308. I REALLY LIKE YOU. YES. I LIKE YOU TOO.

309. KATE. IT WAS SO NICE MEETING YOU.

310. IT WAS VERY SPECIAL. YEAH. THANK YOU. THANKS AGAIN.

311. - BYE-BYE. - BYE-BYE.

312. - NOW, WATCH OUT FOR THE CARS THERE. - CAREFUL!

313. - KATE? - WHAT?

314. - ARE YOU INSANE? - WHAT?

315. IS THAT WHAT YOU DO, OFFER GUYS YOU MEET ON THE HIGHWAY RIDES?

316. HE OFFERED US HELP.

317. OH, YOU'RE NEW TO THIS PLANET, AREN'T YOU?

318. OH, MY GOD!

319. OH MY GOD!

320. AI-YI-YI. OH, MY GOD.

321. OH, MY GOD. IS HE ALL RIGHT? GIVE HIM AIR. GIVE HIM AIR.

322. HE'S NOT CONSCIOUS. MAYBE HE'S MEDITATING?

323. FACE DOWN IN THE GRAVEL? HE WAS— HE WAS KISSING THE GROUND BEFORE.

324. RICKY, THIS IS REAL. WAIT A SECOND. I DIDN'T HIT HIM.

325. I KNOW IT. I STOPPED. HE MUST'VE, UM, FAINTED. OH, GOD.

326. - CALL 9-1 -1. - OKAY.

327. NOTHING.

328. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. LET'S NOT PANIC. LET'S—LET'S, UM—

329. LET'S GET HIM INTO THE CAR. OKAY. I'LL TAKE THE—

330. UNLESS—WAIT A MINUTE. MAYBE HE SHOULDN'T BE MOVED.

331. AND SEND SOMEBODY. OH!

332. OH, GOD! NO! WHAT? WHAT?

333. THAT'S NOT DISGUSTING. I'M THINKING THINGS OUT.

334. LET'S GET HIM INTO THE CAR.

335. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU DON'T WAVE. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU DON'T WAVE.

336. OH, IT'S MY FAULT NOW?

337. LET'S NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT. COME ON.

338. DR. HOFFMAN, 308. DR. HOFFMAN, CALL 308.

339. TO TAKE CARE OF PAYMENT?

340. PAYMENT? WE JUST BROUGHT HIM IN. I DON'T KNOW HIM.

341. WELL NEITHER DO I.

342. HERE. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

343. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NO, KATE.

344. I'M BUCKS UP, I GUESS. SPONGE BATHS FOR EVERYBODY.

345. THANK YOU.

346. - HI. I'M DR. SIMON. - KATE NEWELL.

347. OH, THE DOCTOR. GOOD, GOOD. KATE NEWELL.

348. G IS SUFFERING FROM HEAT EXHAUSTION,

349. BUT, MORE SERIOUSLY, HAS SOME ARRHYTHMIA,

350. OR MAY NOT BE CHRONIC.

351. AND MONITOR HIM.

352. OVERNIGHT? WHAT DO YOU THINK BROUGHT THIS ON?

353. - IT MAY BE CONGENITAL. - MY THOUGHT, MY THOUGHT.

354. OR DUE TO SOME TRAUMATIC EVENT, A SHOCK TO THE SYSTEM.

355. WE'D LIKE TO RUN A FEW MORE TESTS TO BE SURE.

356. THANK YOU SO MUCH. APPRECIATE IT. APPRECIATE ALL YOUR TIME.

357. THANK YOU, DOCTOR. DON'T GO CRAZY ON THOSE TESTS.

358. KEEP THOSE TO A MINIMUM. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

359. WHAT? NO, I HEARD, YEAH. I MIGHT'VE BEEN RESPONSIBLE.

360. I FEEL TERRIBLE, BUT I THINK HE'S IN GOOD HANDS HERE, DON'T YOU?

361. DON'T YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS PLACE? HE SEEMS SO STRONG.

362. I THINK HE'S GONNA BE FINE.

363. AND, YOU KNOW, OUT OF EVERY NEGATIVE COMES SOME GOOD.

364. LIKE WHAT?

365. WELL, I THINK THIS TRAGEDY HAS BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER.

366. OH, PLEASE.

367. - WHAT? - NO.

368. FOR OUR KIDS.

369. IN YOUR DREAMS.

370. AND, OF COURSE, ONE'S A GIRL. I THINK WE SHOULD NAME HER Z.

371. YOU KNOW, ANNIE, I WAS SITTING HOME ALONE ONE DAY,

372. THINKING, "BALLS."

373. - BALLS? - YES.

374. CLEANING BALL.

375. THAT'S INGENIOUS— BALLS THAT CLEAN.

376. YES. AND YOU KNOW MY CARL. HE IS A HOMICIDE DETECTIVE.

377. - MIAMI'S FINEST. - OH, WELL, WE LIKE TO THINK SO.

378. THAT HE COMES HOME WITH.

379. YOU SEE, YOU HAVE YOUR BLOOD; YOU HAVE YOUR GRASS.

380. - YOU HAVE YOUR SWEAT. - VOMIT?

381. OH, YES, ABSOLUTELY, THAT'S YOUR VOMIT.

382. - I DON'T SEE ANY LIPSTICK THERE. - OH, YOU BAD GIRL!

383. THESE GALS HAVE SOMETHING, DON'T THEY?

384. YOU KNOW, I DON'T SEE A THING WRONG WITH THESE LADIES.

385. WHO BETTER THAN THESE BOUNCY,

386. HI. I WAS REVIEWING THE SALES FROM LAST NIGHT'S STUFF.

387. WHAT THE DILLY—OH, LOOK.

388. TELL ME. EDDIE THE DOG COULDN'T MOVE THE GRASS MATS, MAYBE SOLD TEN.

389. NO. HE'S PHONING IT IN. I'M GONNA TALK TO HIS TRAINER.

390. CONTROL.

391. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW AT NIGHT?

392. 'CAUSE I'M HAVING A BUNCH

393. FOR COCKTAILS AT MY PLACE, INCLUDING NINO CERRUTI,

394. WHO'S STARTING HIS NEW READY-TO-WEAR

395. TO GET HERE ON GOOD BUY.

396. SO IT'D BE SO GREAT IF YOU COULD POP OVER.

397. YEAH. HOLD ON.

398. I'M SORRY. I HAVE PLANS.

399. - RICKY. RICKY! - YOU DO?

400. THERE'S A CONSONANT HERE TO SEE YOU.

401. WHAT? SHH-SHH! A VISITOR?

402. - A BIT. - HUH! NO KIDDING?

403. YEAH, HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

404. IT'S JUST IF YOU WERE THERE, YOU KNOW, IT'D SHOW SUPPORT AND TEAM SPIRIT,

405. AND I THINK THAT IT'D WIN HIM OVER; I THINK YOU WOULD.

406. STRICTLY BUSINESS?

407. KATE, THIS IS ME.

408. IT WORKS SO EASILY.

409. I'LL TRY.

410. TO THE STAINS.

411. YOU TOSS IT IN THE WASHER. THAT'S ALL.

412. - THAT SIMPLE? - THAT SIMPLE.

413. WHAT FANTASTIC BALLS.

414. OH, JESUS! WHAT— WHAT IS THIS?

415. NO! WAIT A MINUTE. BARRY, CALL SECURITY.

416. GET THEM ON THE FLOOR IMMEDIATELY, PLEASE.

417. GO TO JAMES BROWN. HELLO, SECURITY?

418. UH, THE, UH— I CAN APPLY THIS WHILE IT'S ON YOU.

419. [G] GREAT. THAT'S EVEN BETTER.

420. ALL RIGHT.

421. STAY RIGHT HERE.

422. WHEN I SAY GO, GET HIM OUT OF THERE.

423. ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO. RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT THERE.

424. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

425. I SEE A FACE ON THIS. COME LOOK AT THIS.

426. DO YOU SEE A FACE HERE?

427. DO YOU SEE THAT? I DON'T KNOW.

428. CAN I HAVE YOUR HEADSET? THANK YOU.

429. LOOK. LOOK.

430. IT'S THE BABY JESUS.

431. NO, THAT'S NOT JESUS. THAT'S MERV GRIFFIN.

432. - NO? - WHAT?

433. LOOK. UPSIDE-DOWN. YOU SEE?

434. OH!

435. OKAY, LISTEN UP. JIM, CAMERA THREE.

436. GET A TIGHT SHOT OF THE SIGN.

437. CUT TO CAMERA THREE ON RICKY'S WORD.

438. SEE? LOOK. I'LL MAKE IT LOOK AT YOU.

439. OH!

440. SEE? AND HE'S LOOKING AT— HE'S LOOKING AT YOU.

441. HE'S LOOKING AT ME!

442. SAM, WHEN I GIVE THE WORD,

443. AND GO TO THE TEASER FOR PEPPERTOWN.

444. THREE, GET READY. READY?

445. PEPPERTOWN TEASER. ON HIS WORD.

446. IT'S AMAZING.

447. ONE PERSON'S CHERRY STAIN IS ANOTHER PERSON'S TALK SHOW HOST.

448. - NOW. - GO.

449. IT'S ALL AROUND US, WE JUST HAVE TO LOOK FOR IT, YOU KNOW?

450. GOOD. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

451. COME ON. GET HIM OUT.

452. OKAY. WE'RE OFF. TAKE HIM TO MY OFFICE.

453. I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

454. ROBERT RICKY. LOOK AT THIS.

455. THIS LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE MERV GRIFFIN.

456. WE'RE GONNA HAVE A TALK. LET'S HAVE A TALK.

457. OH, OKAY.

458. SORRY, LADIES. WE'RE OFF. HANG WITH US.

459. AND, YOU KNOW, DON'T—EVERYBODY'S SAYING "BALLS" WAY TOO MUCH.

460. DON'T SAY "BALLS." DON'T SAY "BLUE BALLS."

461. WE'RE SELLING LAUNDRY SOLUTION. THAT'S WHAT TO SAY.

462. YOU'RE WAY TOO IN LOVE WITH "BALLS," AREN'T YA?

463. THAT'S ALL I FEEL LIKE I'M HEARING, IS "BALLS, BALLS, BALLS, BALLS, BALLS."

464. ROBERT RICKY! I'M RIGHT THERE.

465. WE'LL BE BACK ON SOON.

466. I THOUGHT IT WAS JESUS. IT WAS MERV.

467. LIKE KARL MALDEN.

468. THANKS, GUYS. SURE.

469. THANK YOU, CEDRIC. THANK YOU, TED.

470. ON YOU GO. THANK YOU, CEDRIC AND TED.

471. TO ROBERT RICKY.

472. OKAY.

473. YOU HAVE HERE. EXHILARATING.

474. G?

475. - I CAN FEEL YOUR ENERGY IN THIS ROOM. - YEAH. SIR.

476. HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

477. BAD IDEA? BAD IDEA?

478. IT'S A BAD IDEA? LOOK AT THIS PLACE. NO, NO. LISTEN. LISTEN.

479. HEY! WHAT'S HAPPENING?

480. IN THIS PLACE.

481. G? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT HAPPENED?

482. YES?

483. I'D LIKE TO GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT HERE.

484. YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY FROM OUT OF TOWN AND LOOK REAL UNFAMILIAR. G!

485. OH, KATE! HOW ARE YOU? LOOK WHO'S UP AND AROUND.

486. SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

487. LET ME TELL YOU.

488. I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S YOU THAT MAKES

489. OR VICE-VERSA, BUT EITHER WAY IT'S A WINNING COMBINATION.

490. OH, THANK YOU. BUT WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

491. - YOU CAN'T JUST JUMP ON TV LIKE THAT. - I'M SORRY. I HAD A STAIN.

492. - YEAH. DID McB SEE THAT? - NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

493. OKAY, WELL, MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT, BECAUSE—

494. BECAUSE, AFTER ALL, IF CERTAIN PEOPLE HADN'T WAVED TO CERTAIN PEOPLE,

495. AS IT WAS,

496. IT WAS VERY MISGUIDED.

497. WE'LL TALK ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

498. LISTEN, WE'RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR DAY HERE.

499. DID YOU COME FOR A REASON?

500. OH, YES, I DID. I CAME BECAUSE THE HOSPITAL JUST RELEASED ME,

501. MY DOCTOR'S BILL, YEAH.

502. THANK YOU PERSONALLY, ROBERT RICKY.

503. RICKY. JUST CALL ME RICKY.

504. YOU'RE SHORTENING YOUR NAME, JUST LIKE ME.

505. WAIT 'TIL YOU GET TO JUST "R."

506. THE TIME YOU'LL SAVE WILL PUT HOURS ON YOUR LIFE, TRUST ME.

507. ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH,

508. AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAT I CAN DO TO REPAY YOU, JUST LET ME KNOW.

509. AH, I GOTCHA! I GOTCHA!

510. MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST?

511. WHAT'S THAT?

512. BACK ON YOUR WAY,

513. SEARCHING, HEALING, FOLLOWING THAT GOLDEN, GOLDEN PATH OF YOURS.

514. AND MAY GOD, OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU BELIEVE IN, SMILE UPON YOUR JOURNEY.

515. THERE'S A DOOR RIGHT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS.

516. WAIT, WHAT DID DR. SIMON SAY?

517. WELL, THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I SHOULD STAY OUT OF THE SUN FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS,

518. AND THEN I SHOULD COME BACK AND SEE HIM, HAVE ANOTHER CHECKUP,

519. AND IF EVERYTHING PANNED OUT, THEN I CAN RESUME MY PILGRIMAGE.

520. WHERE WILL YOU STAY?

521. DURING THE DAY, I CAN STAY IN A SHOPPING MALL OR SOMETHING.

522. AND AT NIGHT, IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BAD. SHOPPING MALLS ARE GREAT HERE.

523. - THAT'S GOOD. - NO!

524. THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

525. YOU WOULDN'T BE STUCK HERE IF IT WEREN'T FOR US.

526. OKAY. OKAY. UM HERE.

527. HERE'S, UM—HERE'S $180.

528. FIND YOURSELF A MOTEL ROOM, REST UP AND CONSIDER US EVEN STEVEN.

529. ABSOLUTELY NOT. THERE'S NO WAY I CAN ACCEPT MONEY.

530. I'M SORRY, BUT THANK YOU. I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND.

531. YOU'RE VERY GRATEFUL.

532. WHY DON'T YOU COME STAY AT MY PLACE?

533. WHAT?

534. I MEAN IT. I COULDN'T LET YOU STAY OUT IN THIS HEAT.

535. WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU? I'D NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF.

536. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THAT.

537. HE CAN'T DO THAT. IT'S A RELIGIOUS THING, KATE.

538. YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND.

539. NO, BELIEVE ME. IT WOULD BE MUCH WORSE

540. OUT ON THE STREETS.

541. IT'S AIR-CONDITIONED. GREAT POOL.

542. REALLY?

543. UH-HUH. I CAN'T COOK, BUT I ORDER A MEAN TAKEOUT.

544. OH, MAN. WELL, I KNOW HOW TO EAT SOME MEAN TAKEOUT TOO.

545. AND IF YOU SPILL ANYTHING, YOU'LL KNOW WHO'S GOT THE WET WIPES FOR IT.

546. OR THE STAIN BALL. THAT'LL BE FUN. IT'LL BE LIKE A SLUMBER PARTY.

547. WE COULD DANCE, WEAR OUR JAMMIES. THIS IS SO GREAT.

548. I WISH I HAD MY CAMERA.

549. AH, THIS IS SO SWEET.

550. BUT, KATE, I CANNOT IN GOOD CONSCIENCE LET G STAY WITH YOU.

551. THIS IS MY FAULT, NOW THAT I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

552. IT'S MY RESPONSIBILITY. G, PLEASE STAY WITH ME.

553. I'D LIKE YOU TO STAY AT MY HOUSE.

554. DO YOU HAVE A POOL?

555. HAVING FUN THERE, HUH? OH, YES. I ALWAYS HAVE FUN.

556. HOW ABOUT YOU?

557. YOU'RE AFTER SOMETHING, AREN'T YOU, BUDDY?

558. - DEFINITELY. - YEAH.

559. THINK I'LL FIND IT?

560. HEY, THIS THING WORKS REALLY GOOD.

561. LOOK AT THAT.

562. THANK YOU.

563. MMM. OKAY.

564. VERY NICE. WANT SOME SHEETS FOR THE BED?

565. OH, NO THANK YOU.

566. THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY. I DON'T SLEEP ON MATTRESSES.

567. YOU KNOW, MATTRESSES ARE INHABITED

568. OFF YOUR BODY WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING.

569. I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT. I LIKE THE FLOOR.

570. IT'S NICE AND COMFORTABLE AND FIRM. YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY IT SOMETIME.

571. NO. NO, THANK YOU.

572. I'LL—I'LL STICK WITH THE OLD SKIN-EATING MITE PAD.

573. YOU WANT TO BE A BUFFET, YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD.

574. I'M SURE THE MITES WILL ENJOY.

575. THEY'RE HAVING NERVOUS RICKY FLAKES TONIGHT.

576. ABBONDANZA, MITES!

577. TO YOU, RICKY.

578. GOOD MORNING. LOOK.

579. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR OF ANY BEAUTY OF LIFE, OKAY?

580. IT'S TOO EARLY.

581. A BEAUTIFUL SETTING LIKE THIS?

582. LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL PLACE.

583. I'LL TELL YOU HOW, MR. G.

584. 'CAUSE IT'S ALL, UH IT'S ALL HANGING BY A THREAD.

585. THE WHOLE HAYMAN EMPIRE.

586. AND I'M THAT CLOSE TO JOINING YOU ON THE STREET.

587. I'M SORRY. I TRAVEL ALONE.

588. GREAT. EVEN YOU WON'T HIRE ME.

589. O.J.?

590. OH, I THREW THE ORANGE JUICE OUT. IT WAS SMELLY.

591. IT HAD A LITTLE SMELL TO IT. WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS?

592. I MADE IT FRESH. IT'S DELICIOUS.

593. MMM. VERY PLEASANT, VERY REFRESHING. TRY IT.

594. NOW, DON'T DRINK IT TOO FAST. DRINK IT VERY SLOWLY.

595. TAKE IT IN. I'LL DRINK. ALL RIGHT.

596. MMMM!

597. YES. YOU LIKE THAT?

598. IT'S NOT BAD. IT'S GOOD.

599. NO, IT'S DELICIOUS. WHAT IS THAT?

600. - WHAT DO YOU TASTE IN THAT? - WHAT IS IT, PEACH?

601. - YES, PEACHES. - IT'S GOOD.

602. - YES, AND WHAT ELSE? - I DON'T KNOW.

603. - I DON'T KNOW. - MY URINE IS IN IT.

604. PSYCH YOUR MIND. NO, NO, NO, PSYCH YOUR MIND.

605. IT'S NOT MY URINE. I KID YOU. IT'S A JOKE.

606. IT'S HERBAL TEA.

607. I KNOW YOU LIKE JOKES.

608. WITH A FUNNY JOKE.

609. TRUST ME, MY URINE DOESN'T HAVE THAT TASTY ZING TO IT. I KNOW.

610. LET'S GO OUT HERE AND LOOK AT THE SUNLIGHT AND STAND IN THE SUN.

611. I DON'T WANT TO STAY IN THIS APARTMENT ALL DAY.

612. THE BEACH FROM HERE, YOU KNOW.

613. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT HERE. HERE YOU GO.

614. WELL.

615. YOU WERE CUM LAUDE. THAT'S GREAT.

616. - BARRY. BARRY. - YEAH?

617. UH—DON'T TELL ME, SOMEBODY ELSE FOR MY JOB?

618. NO, NO, NO!

619. LARRY KING DOESN'T INTERVIEW THIS MANY PEOPLE.

620. REALLY?

621. DID YOU TAKE HIM THE FAX I SENT YOU, THE NEW IMAGE SUGGESTIONS?

622. YEAH. IT'S DONE.

623. - WHAT YOU THINK? - I THOUGHT THEY WERE GREAT IDEAS.

624. JUST GREAT?

625. UH, UH, AMAZING? UH, INSPIRED?

626. - EROTIC? - DON'T.

627. HE'S GOTTA LIKE 'EM. I WAS UP ALL NIGHT.

628. I WAS UP ALL NIGHT.

629. WHAT ELSE? ANYTHING ELSE?

630. ALSO, THE BANK CALLED.

631. UH, CAR GUY OR MORTGAGE GUY? PLEASE DON'T SAY MORTGAGE GUY.

632. MORTGAGE GUY.

633. - HI. HI, BARRY. - HEY.

634. MISS NEWELL. LOOK WHO IT IS. GOOD MORNING.

635. - HOW'S G? - OH, HE'S IN THE CAR.

636. I LEFT HIM THERE. I CRACKED THE WINDOW.

637. NO, HE'S AT HOME. HE'S FINE. DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I AM?

638. McB'S REACTION TO YOUR NEW FAX, YOU'RE IN RARE FORM.

639. REALLY? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HE LIKED IT?

640. NO.

641. HE LIKED IT? OF COURSE HE LIKED IT. YOU KNOW WHY? YOU KNOW WHY?

642. 'CAUSE I'M A BORN GAME-ON-THE-LINE, FINAL SECONDS, GO-TO GUY.

643. PRESSURE IS MY MISTRESS. WHAT'D HE SAY? WHAT'D HE SAY?

644. - HE SAID THEY WERE HILARIOUS. - HILARIOUS?

645. HE WAS WEEPING IN THERE THIS MORNING, AND IT TAKES A LOT TO MAKE HIM LAUGH.

646. YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW. HE SEEMED A LITTLE DOWN.

647. HE SAYS HE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR REAL ONES.

648. RIGHT.

649. YOU KNOW, IT WAS REALLY SMART OF YOU TO GET HIM IN A GOOD MOOD.

650. LAST NIGHT'S NUMBERS.

651. DOWN 2% .

652. GRASS MATS WERE A CATASTROPHE. WE SOLD ONE.

653. YOU I WILL SEE LATER. OKAY.

654. SEE YOU LATER.

655. OKAY, PLEASE, PLEASE LET THIS PARTY WORK FOR ME.

656. YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S THE MATTER.

657. I SEEM TO BE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG.

658. OKAY. GOOD, BETTER, BEST.

659. BETTER AND YOUR BETTER IS BEST.

660. OH, HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING.

661. SAY, COULD WE HAVE A LITTLE CHAT FOR A SECOND?

662. OH, YES.

663. ACTIVITY IN THE APARTMENT.

664. YES, I DID NOTICE ALL THE FLOWERS. I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

665. RIGHT. THAT'S BECAUSE I'M HAVING A LITTLE GET-TOGETHER HERE.

666. - WONDERFUL. - OH. I KNOW. IT'S A BUSINESS FUNCTION.

667. NOW, UH, I'M NOT GONNA LOCK YOU IN HERE,

668. 'CAUSE, WELL, FRANKLY, I THINK IT'S ILLEGAL.

669. BUT, UM, AS A FAVOR TO ME,

670. UH, THE GUY WHO PAID YOUR MEDICAL EXPENSES AND HAS GIVEN YOU SHELTER,

671. WOULD YOU PLEASE STAY IN THE ROOM?

672. I'LL BE RIGHT HERE, RICKY.

673. GREAT. THANK YOU.

674. THAT'S QUITE AN OUTFIT YOU HAVE ON THERE, RICKY.

675. WHAT?

676. QUITE AN OUTFIT YOU HAVE ON THERE.

677. THANK YOU. GOOD NIGHT.

678. THINK IT'S TOO MUCH?

679. PERSONALLY, I WOULD, UM, I WOULD LOSE THE POCKET THING.

680. OH, THE HANKY?

681. - THE HANKY? YES. - I LIKE THE HANKY.

682. IT'S JUST A TRADITIONAL, UH—

683. I DON'T LIKE IT.

684. OKAY.

685. UH, SO BEFORE WE START, DO YOU WANT ANYTHING?

686. YOU KNOW, THERE'S FROZEN STUFF— PIZZA OR WHATEVER.

687. AND YOU'VE GOT A JAR OF THAT DELICIOUS "URINADE" IN THE FRIDGE.

688. OH. I'M FINE. I HAVE EVERYTHING THAT I NEED.

689. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

690. - HAVE FUN. - THANK YOU. YOU TOO.

691. THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

692. YOU KNOW, OUR NUMBERS ARE COMPETITIVE WITH ALL THE OTHER CHANNELS,

693. THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS.

694. I SAW ADS ON LAUNDRY BALLS.

695. WHEN I'M ENTIRELY WORKING ON BEAUTY?

696. IT'S TOO VULGAR.

697. ABSOLUTELY.

698. A BEAUTIFUL PERSON?

699. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.

700. - THANK YOU SO MUCH. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

701. YOU LOOK JUST GORGEOUS. AS GOOD AS A FOOT MODEL?

702. BETTER. BETTER.

703. RICKY, THIS IS SCOTT HAWKES.

704. TRUST ME, THIS WOMAN HAS THE MOST ELEGANT TOES I'VE EVER SEEN.

705. THAT'S FINE, SCOTT.

706. NINO! CHE COSA?

707. OH, SCOTT HAWKES. HOW NICE.

708. YES, HE'S A JERK; NO, WE'RE NOT TOGETHER;

709. AND TRUST ME, HE'S THE BEST AT WHAT HE DOES.

710. - WHEN DID HE SEE YOUR TOES? - WHY DON'T YOU INTRODUCE ME?

711. UH, SIGNORE NINO CERRUTI, KATE NEWELL.

712. - SO NICE TO MEET YOU. - ENCHANTED.

713. - HOW WAS YOUR FLIGHT? - FINE. GREAT.

714. GREAT. ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME HERE?

715. YES, VERY NICE, THANK YOU.

716. WONDERFUL, WELL, HOPEFULLY WE'LL BE ABLE TO SHOW YOU AROUND.

717. GEE, I SEE A SLIGHT CATERING ISSUE.

718. I'LL BE BACK IN A FLASH.

719. NINO, KATE, WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS, EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.

720. KATE, TAKE OVER, PLEASE.

721. OH, EXCUSE ME. HELLO.

722. OH, G, G, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? BACK, BACK.

723. - OH, I HAD TO GO STINKY. - OH, GO STINKY?

724. AREN'T YOU LIKE A GURU, LIKE AN INDIAN FAKIR?

725. YOU CONTROL YOUR BODILY FUNCTIONS. TRY THAT. TRY THAT.

726. RICKY, EVERYTHING IS SO LOVELY, BUT IT'S SO SOMBER HERE.

727. WHY DON'T YOU LET THE PEOPLE ENJOY SOME OF YOUR THINGS?

728. WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

729. WAIT A MINUTE, G.

730. I'M SURE A LITTLE MUSIC WILL LIVEN THIS PLACE UP.

731. HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?

732. I'M SURE THE MUSIC WILL LIGHTEN THIS WHOLE PLACE UP.

733. WHAT DID YOU PUSH? G, PLEASE.

734. DON'T DO THAT.

735. - OKAY. OKAY. SORRY. - OH, RICKY.

736. LIVEN THE ROOM UP. KATE! HELLO.

737. - HI, G. I'M TERRIFIC. - HOW ARE YOU, KATE?

738. IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU TOO. LOOK AT THIS WOMAN.

739. EVERY TIME I SEE YOU, I FEEL LIKE I'VE CHOSEN THE WRONG PATH.

740. AW! THANK YOU.

741. SHE'S SPECTACULAR. OKAY, LET'S GO TALK.

742. - WHO'S YOUR FRIEND, RICH? - I'M G. HOW ARE YOU?

743. G, SCOTT HAWKES, HAWKEWIND PRODUCTIONS.

744. HELLO.

745. THIS IS, UH, G, MY YOGA INSTRUCTOR.

746. YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I FIND THAT A GOOD KUNDALINI THING, NINO,

747. YOU KNOW, I FIND.

748. I MEDITATE TOO.

749. DO YOU REALLY? THAT'S GOOD.

750. A FEAR OF FLYING,

751. WITH LITTLE RESULTS.

752. WELL, NO—DID YOU EVER TRY HALCYON AND A DOUBLE CUBA LIBRE?

753. I'M SERIOUS, JUST BOOM, KNOCKS YOU RIGHT OUT.

754. YOU KNOW, I COULD CURE

755. WITHOUT ALCOHOL OR DRUGS.

756. OH, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TIME, DO YOU?

757. AREN'T YOU DUE BACK AT THE ASHRAM-ISHA?

758. WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE— THE CHAKRA CONVENTION.

759. COULD YOU DO SOMETHING, REALLY? I'M INTERESTED.

760. OH! NO, NO!

761. WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE TWO THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO.

762. YOU'RE IN AN AIRPLANE

763. AND YOU START TO FEEL FEARFUL,

764. TESTICLES? INTERESTING.

765. AND THEN YOU POP THEM TOGETHER, AND THE FEAR LEAVES.

766. WE'RE GONNA GO NOW.

767. THERE MUST BE ANOTHER METHOD, AND PROBABLY LESS PAINFUL.

768. YES, WELL, THE OTHER METHOD IS, I CAN HYPNOTIZE YOU RIGHT NOW,

769. AND YOU'LL NEVER, EVER HAVE A FEAR OF FLYING AGAIN.

770. YEAH. MAYBE LATER. CAN WE DO THAT LATER?

771. NINO, HAVE YOU TRIED THE SQUID POMODORO?

772. MMM! I THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT.

773. FOR YOU—AREN'T YOU HUNGRY?

774. NO, NO. REALLY, I'M INTERESTED. I'M CURIOUS.

775. THE MAN'S CURIOUS. HAVE A SEAT, NINO.

776. CURIOSITY IS A WONDERFUL THING, CURIOSITY.

777. IT KILLED SOMEBODY.

778. AND JUST RELAX. SIT STRAIGHT UP.

779. AND I NEED A LIGHTER. I GOT A ZIPPO.

780. YOU DO, SCOTT HAWKES? OKAY. PERFECT.

781. EVERYBODY GATHER AROUND. HI, EVERYBODY! MY NAME IS G.

782. HI, G.

783. HI. I'M GOING TO BE HYPNOTIZING NINO.

784. HE'S HAVING A PROBLEM HERE WITH FEAR OF FLYING.

785. WE'RE GOING TO TRY TO GET HIM OVER THAT FEAR.

786. I'M GONNA HYPNOTIZE NINO AND TRY TO HELP HIM OUT HERE;

787. KIND OF LIKE A PARTY TRICK.

788. WATCH THIS FLAME, YES?

789. JUST WATCH THE FLAME.

790. JUST RELAX, NINO.

791. YOUR EYES ARE GETTING VERY HEAVY NOW.

792. YOU'RE GETTING TIRED AND LOST IN THE FLAME.

793. YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP.

794. YOU'RE COMPLETELY ASLEEP RIGHT NOW, NINO.

795. NINO IS ASLEEP.

796. SHH! SHH!

797. HE'S ASLEEP NOW.

798. NINO, YOUR LEFT HAND FEELS VERY, VERY LIGHT.

799. IT'S GOING TO START TO RAISE UP VERY SLOWLY.

800. IT'S STARTING TO FLOAT UP.

801. ON ITS OWN IT'S FLOATING UP.

802. YOU CAN LET IT HANG THERE, RIGHT THERE, NINO.

803. YOU SEE? THIS IS A PARTY, YOU KNOW.

804. LIKE A DOG OR SOMETHING.

805. OH, G, NO.

806. GET OVER THERE OR I'LL KILL YA.

807. OKAY. NINO, PUT YOUR ARM BACK DOWN NOW.

808. PUT IT BACK, BACK DOWN.

809. THE PLANE'S TAKING OFF.

810. YOU'RE A LITTLE NERVOUS, LIKE YOU ALWAYS ARE WHEN A PLANE TAKES OFF.

811. THIS TIME WHEN IT TAKES OFF, IT'S SMOOTHER THAN IT'S EVER TAKEN OFF.

812. YOU DIDN'T EVEN FEEL THE PLANE LEAVE THE GROUND THAT TIME.

813. YOU'RE UP IN THE SKY, AND IT'S SMOOTH SAILING, NINO.

814. WOW! THIS FEELS GREAT.

815. WHAT'S THAT UP AHEAD? LOOKS LIKE A STORM CLOUD.

816. IT IS A STORM CLOUD.

817. I CAN SEE THE PILOT'S TRYING TO AVOID IT. HE CAN'T. IT'S TOO LATE.

818. NINO, WE'RE IN.

819. WE'RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORM CLOUD.

820. YOU START TO FEEL TURBULENCE. THE PLANE IS SHAKING.

821. YOU START TO FEEL IT DIP AND SWAY. OH, SO MUCH TURBULENCE.

822. OF VAST DESTRUCTION, NINO?

823. YOU'RE GETTING SCARED.

824. AT YOUR KNEES, NINO.

825. A THOUSAND FEET IN ELEVATION.

826. RIGHT INTO YOUR NECK.

827. THE CAPTAIN'S VOICE COMES OVER THE INTERCOM.

828. "ATTENTION. THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING. THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.

829. "GOD HELP US! WE'RE GONNA CRASH!

830. OH, MY GOD!"

831. YOU'RE RIGHT THERE, NINO.

832. THE LAST MOMENTS OF YOUR LIFE. RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE RIGHT THERE.

833. BUT YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT DYING.

834. YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONES.

835. YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT YOUR FAMILY

836. SHARED WITH THOSE PEOPLE.

837. YOU'RE FEELING BLESSED WITH THE GIFT OF LIFE THAT YOU RECEIVED.

838. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT.

839. YOU'RE NOT AFRAID RIGHT NOW AT ALL OF ANYTHING.

840. YOU'RE AT ONE WITH GOD. YOU'VE LET GO.

841. NOW, WHEN I TELL YOU TO, OPEN YOUR EYES.

842. WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU'LL BE COMPLETELY FEELING REFRESHED,

843. AND YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED.

844. YOU'LL NEVER BE AFRAID OF FLYING IN A PLANE AGAIN.

845. NOW OPEN YOUR EYES, NINO.

846. - HOW DO YOU FEEL? - WONDERFUL.

847. ALL RIGHT!

848. A HYPNOTIZING SWAMI.

849. YOU GOT ANY OTHER PARTY TRICKS?

850. ACTUALLY, YES, I DO.

851. THAT'S QUITE A PARTY STOPPER.

852. COOL. DO IT.

853. CAN I BORROW YOUR ROLEX? NO, NO, NO, NO.

854. COME ON, SCOTT. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

855. NO, NO. IT'S A GOOD TRICK.

856. SCOTT, SCOTT, SCOTT, SCOTT!

857. SCOTT, SCOTT, SCOTT, SCOTT!

858. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. OH, OKAY.

859. I'M GONNA NEED A HANDKERCHIEF AS WELL. DOES ANYONE HAVE A HANDKERCHIEF?

860. OH, NINO, THANK YOU. AND WE NEED A HAMMER.

861. WAIT. WHOA. A HAMMER?

862. DON'T WORRY. DON'T WORRY.

863. HERE. TAKE MY SHOE.

864. OH, THAT'LL WORK PERFECTLY.

865. NOW FOR THE RICKY SHOE. WHAT SIZE IS THAT?

866. - THIS IS A 12. - THAT'LL GET THE JOB DONE.

867. DEFINITELY.

868. OKAY, I WANT YOU TO SEE THAT I'M TAKING THE WATCH,

869. AND I'M PLACING IT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HANDKERCHIEF.

870. EVERYONE, SEE THE WATCH GOING INTO THE HANDKERCHIEF.

871. IN THE HANDKERCHIEF, ALL RIGHT?

872. THAT'S RIGHT. CAN YOU SEE THAT? YOU WANNA TOUCH THAT?

873. IT'S IN THERE, RIGHT?

874. OKAY. HERE WE GO. YEAH.

875. WE PLACE THE WATCH ON THE TABLE.

876. WE TAKE ROBERT RICKY'S TRUSTED SIZE 12 AND—

877. WHEW! RICKY.

878. THAT SOUNDS REALLY BROKEN, DOESN'T IT?

879. DOESN'T IT? YEAH?

880. WONDERFUL!

881. THAT WAS GREAT.

882. THAT WAS GOOD. OKAY, GIVE ME BACK THE WATCH NOW.

883. I CAN'T. IT'S GONE. IT'S DISAPPEARED.

884. NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, THAT'S A $10,000 WATCH.

885. I AM SERIOUS. IT'S THE DISAPPEARING ROLEX TRICK.

886. IT'S NOT THE REAPPEARING ROLEX TRICK.

887. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!

888. YO, GANDHI, GIVE ME BACK

889. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

890. THAT'S NOT FUNNY. THAT WASN'T FUNNY.

891. CHAMPAGNE FOR ANYONE? ANYONE FOR CHAMPAGNE?

892. MMM. AH, YOU'RE SURE?

893. ABSOLUTELY.

894. HIS PJs FOR HIM.

895. OH YEAH?

896. I—YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY.

897. I DON'T, UH— I DON'T SEE HIM.

898. AHH! RICKY!

899. COME IN THE WATER WITH ME!

900. OH, I'D LOVE TO REALLY, BUT SOMEBODY HAS TO PAY THE RENT.

901. COME ON, RICKY, ONE SWIM, THEN GO SELL THINGS ON TELEVISION.

902. YEAH, WELL, THAT'S KIND OF WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

903. FOR A SECOND, G?

904. WHAT'S THE MATTER? IS THERE A PROBLEM?

905. NO, NO PROBLEM.

906. IN YOUR BONNET FOR A SECOND.

907. OH, HO, NO, NO, NO! OKAY, I SEE.

908. HELLO. NO, NO, NO. FREE WILLY. I SEE. OH.

909. NO, NO, NO. JUST—JUST— VERY FUNNY.

910. LISTEN. THE NINO CERRUTI, YOU KNOW, FROM THE PARTY,

911. AND SAID THAT THEY'RE INTERESTED

912. A GREAT FLIGHT BACK TO MILAN,

913. AND IN FACT, HE'S BUYING A JET.

914. OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL. DID IT MAKE HIM HAPPY?

915. YES.

916. YOU HAVE SUCH A—A SPECIAL QUALITY.

917. BETWEEN YOU AND ME,

918. THE WORLD IN A VERY UNIQUE WAY.

919. SO, HERE'S MY IDEA. LISTEN, G. G?

920. G, HERE'S THE THING.

921. AND MADE 'EM FEEL GOOD?

922. FOR YOU ON TELEVISION?

923. YEAH, WELL, UH—YOU'D BE

924. CAN REFRESH THE SPIRIT.

925. ISN'T THAT YOUR IDEA?

926. UNLESS THEY'RE USED TO REPLACE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS,

927. WHICH THEY USUALLY ARE.

928. WOW, WOW. I JUST GOT CHILLS.

929. I JUST GOT CHILLS, AMEN.

930. FOR THE WORLD.

931. AND LISTEN, WHAT BETTER WAY TO GET IT ACROSS THAN ON TV?

932. YOU COULD HELP THOUSANDS,

933. FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES, G.

934. - WOW! - WHAT DO YOU THINK?

935. HOW ABOUT YOU? WILL IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?

936. ME? I DON'T KNOW.

937. THAT'S NOT THE POINT. ME, I FEEL GREAT.

938. OH, NO.

939. NO, YES, THAT'S EXACTLY THE POINT. WILL IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?

940. I'M GONNA LOSE MY JOB IF I DON'T DO SOMETHING SOON, SO YEAH.

941. YEAH, IT COULD REALLY HELP ME. THAT'S THE TRUTH, LIKE THAT.

942. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

943. OKAY, I'LL DO IT, BUT ONLY ONE CONDITION.

944. REALLY? WHAT?

945. - ONE CONDITION. - OKAY.

946. - IT'S NON-NEGOTIABLE. - WHAT?

947. AHH! OH!

948. AHH! AHH!

949. AHH!

950. SHARK, SHARK, SHARK, SHARK, SHARK!

951. IT'S A JOKE. IT'S A JOKE. THERE ARE NO SHARKS.

952. YES. THIS IS GOOD.

953. BARS OUT.

954. I'VE MADE YOU UP TO LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE ON NO MAKEUP AT ALL.

955. THAT'S A METAPHYSICS I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED.

956. TWENTY SECONDS TO AIR. STAND BY. CLEAR THE SET.

957. LOCK IT UP ON THE STAGE. NICE AND QUIET ALL AROUND, PLEASE.

958. HERE WE GO. THANK YOU.

959. PRICE LISTS ARE TYPED IN CONTINUOUSLY.

960. GOT IT. HEY! AH, OH, OH!

961. G, ONE MORE THING.

962. AS YOUR BEST FRIEND,

963. NEEDS MIXING BOWLS.

964. HERE WE GO. STAND BY, PLEASE.

965. IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE—

966. AND CUE THE CONSONANT.

967. TALK. YOU'RE ON. YOU'RE ON.

968. YOU'RE ON. WE'RE ROLLING. LIVE TV. GO.

969. WHAT'S THE PLAN?

970. G, GO, GO. TALK NOW.

971. ON THE TOP IS ON.

972. NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT TRAFFIC.

973. NO, IT'S TV. TALK. TALK!

974. TALK. NOW. NOW.

975. TALKIE, TALKIE, TALK, TALK. GO.

976. I...

977. OH GOOD, HE BOUGHT A VOWEL.

978. "I"?

979. - I... - "I."

980. WHO HAD NO SHOES,

981. - UNTIL I MET A MAN WHO HAD NO PENIS. - WHAT?

982. - CAN HE SAY THAT? - HE JUST DID.

983. NOW MY ONE SPECIAL FRIEND IS LISTENING. I THINK I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION NOW.

984. WHAT DO WE DO, RICKY?

985. STAY WITH HIM. STAY WITH HIM.

986. RICKY, HE JUST SAID "PENIS." WHY DID HE SAY "PENIS"?

987. - I DON'T KNOW. - THERE'S GOTTA BE A REASON.

988. HOWARD STERN SAYS "PENIS" ALL THE TIME. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

989. AND HE'S HUGE.

990. IT'S SHOCKING, WHICH IS GOOD. IT'S GOOD.

991. WHY?

992. - GOOD QUESTION. - WHY ARE WE HERE?

993. SO YOU CAN BUY MORE THINGS?

994. YOU HAVE ON THIS PLANET?

995. THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. THAT'S OUR CREDO, I THINK.

996. HE'S TALKING. HE'S LOOKING AT THE BOWLS.

997. MM-HMM?

998. I GUESS THAT'S A GOOD WAY TO GO.

999. HOW ABOUT THIS?

1000. WHOA. WHERE'S HE GOING?

1001. HE'S GONE. WHERE'D HE GO?

1002. HE'S GOING ON THE MORGAN SET. SHE'S LIVE!

1003. HI, I'M HERE TO TELL ALL OF YOU

1004. ABOUT NEW INSTA-TUCK,

1005. THE NONSURGICAL, DO-IT-YOURSELF FACIAL TONER.

1006. OH! YOU HOOK YOUR FACE UP TO THIS CAR BATTERY?

1007. WELL, WE DON'T CALL IT A CAR BATTERY.

1008. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. HE'S ON MORGAN'S SET.

1009. - AND WHY DID— - IT'S OKAY. SHE'S A PRO.

1010. FITS RIGHT ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.

1011. OH!

1012. THIS LOOKS A LOT LIKE A BATTERY. WHAT DO THESE THINGS DO?

1013. WELL, IT DOES, BUT—

1014. NO, DON'T DO THAT. DON'T DO THAT! I'M WIRED.

1015. - NO—

1016. YEAH. NOT PRETTY.

1017. SHE LOVES IMPROV. YOU KNOW THAT ABOUT HER.

1018. WASN'T SHE, BEFORE THE SERIES,

1019. A MEMBER OF THE GROUNDLINGS, OR LEMMINGS?

1020. TO THE KEY LIFT POINTS ON YOUR SCALP.

1021. KEY LIFT POINTS ON YOUR SCALP. YES. UH-HUH, RIGHT HERE.

1022. HE'S ENGAGING HER. LOOK AT HIM.

1023. HE'S LIKE A CHILD, AND NOT EVEN AWARE OF THE CAMERA; THAT'S WHAT I LOVE.

1024. ALL THE WORK FOR YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP.

1025. IN ONE EASY PUSH OF THE BUTTON.

1026. SHE'S NEVER BEEN SO ALIVE. SHE'S NEVER BEEN SO ALIVE.

1027. OH! SEE?

1028. THE YOUTHFUL LOOK.

1029. WELL, HOPEFULLY, YES.

1030. WITH INSTA-TUCK.

1031. OH, THAT'S FASCINATING.

1032. UNIT THERE?

1033. OOH, DON'T, DON'T HAND YOUR LIFE OVER TO HIM.

1034. A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY.

1035. YOU COULD SAY, "SURPRISE!"

1036. [G] IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! THAT'S KIND OF FUNNY, GUYS.

1037. YOU LOOK SO YOUTHFUL AND SURPRISED.

1038. THIS'D BE GOOD FOR?

1039. "MADAM, I THINK YOU'VE JUST WON THE ONE MILLION DOLLAR LOTTERY!"

1040. OH, MY GOD. HE'S ELECTROCUTING MORGAN FAIRCHILD.

1041. THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

1042. EVEN BETTER STILL, THE MARTIANS HAVE LANDED AND THEY'RE TAKING YOU

1043. BACK TO MARS WITH THEM.

1044. NO, NO, NO, ST—

1045. WHAT WE HAVE HERE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

1046. IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WHO'S TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU THAT YOU'RE NOT ENOUGH.

1047. THAT YOU'RE NOT BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH—

1048. OH MY GOD, HE'S LEAVING IT ON.

1049. OH, LET HER GO. LET HER GO, MAN. LET HER GO!

1050. YOU DON'T NEED INSTA-TUCK TO BE BEAUTIFUL.

1051. YOU'RE ALREADY BEAUTIFUL.

1052. DID HE SAY, "DON'T BUY THIS PRODUCT"? HE SAID, "DON'T BUY—"

1053. THAT'S AN INTERESTING WAY TO SELL.

1054. IS JUST BE YOURSELF.

1055. THIS WOMAN'S ALREADY BEAUTIFUL.

1056. SHE DOESN'T NEED INSTA-TUCK.

1057. I'M SORRY.

1058. THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN HERE, YOU DON'T NEED INSTA-TUCK.

1059. OH, INTERESTING ANGLE. UH-HUH.

1060. YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS PERSONAL.

1061. I KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.

1062. HE KNOWS I'M TRYING TO SELL STUFF, AND THIS IS A PERSONAL ATTACK.

1063. HE'S UNDERMINING ME. HE'S SABOTAGING ME.

1064. I MADE A DEAL WITH HIM. I EXPLAINED IT TO HIM.

1065. I WENT IN THE WATER WITH HIM.

1066. I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.

1067. OR A BEAUTIFUL BAYWATCH BABE,

1068. WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

1069. BAYWATCH BABE.

1070. NOW, THINK ABOUT IT.

1071. WITH A BIKINI ON.

1072. THAT'S A REALLY HOT GIRL, THE BAYWATCH BEAUTY, RIGHT?

1073. AND SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT.

1074. THERE'S NO COMPARISON. DON'T YOU AGREE?

1075. SHE AGREES. HERE. OH!

1076. RICKY, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

1077. I-I-I DON'T KNOW. I COULD GO BACK TO SCHOOL, I GUESS.

1078. THE SIZE ON THIS ONE, FOLKS.

1079. THIS IS THE SAW YOU WANT, BOYS. BUCKING, PRUNING, TRIMMING.

1080. THE HOTEL/RESTAURANT BUSINESS ALWAYS HELD A REAL LURE FOR ME.

1081. I'M A PEOPLE PERSON. WHAT?

1082. HI. HI.

1083. HELLO. NO. SO GIVE US A CALL, AND I'LL CARVE YOU A GREAT DEAL.

1084. [G] NICE CHAIN SAW.

1085. WHO ARE YOU?

1086. OH, I'M NEW HERE. I'M A FRIEND OF RICKY HAYMAN'S.

1087. HI, RICKY.

1088. JUST CURIOUS ABOUT CHAIN SAWS.

1089. INCOMING. MAYDAY. MAYDAY. THIS IS A DISASTER. THIS IS A MASSACRE.

1090. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

1091. CAN I HOLD IT? IT'S A DANDY.

1092. CAN I HAVE THE WEIGHT IN MY HAND?

1093. THAT CHAIN SAW. WOW!

1094. IT'S A HEAVY ONE. BE CAREFUL. OH, YEAH.

1095. HE'S STAYING AT MY HOME AND THIS IS HIS GRATITUDE?

1096. HE GAVE HIM THE CHAIN SAW.

1097. THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD. THIS IS NOT GOOD.

1098. I HAVE A QUESTION.

1099. SCULPT THE VENUS DE MILO WITH MY HANDS,

1100. OR CHAINSAW THIS ENTIRE STUDIO,

1101. CALL-IN VOTE WOULD BE?

1102. FOR CREATION OR DESTRUCTION? YOU GUYS CALL IN NOW. CALL.

1103. HE'S HITTING EVERY SINGLE SET. HE'S CUTTING A—IT'S A CLEAN SWEEP!

1104. HE'S MAKING A CLEAN SWATH FROM ONE SIDE OF THE STUDIO TO THE "NOTHER"!

1105. I KNOW JUST WHAT THEY WANT.

1106. WHOA!

1107. ABOUT THE SAFETY FEATURES.

1108. THIS IS GOOD. McBAINBRIDGE'LL LOVE THIS.

1109. OH NO. YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING.

1110. HE'S CHAINSAWING OUR HAPPY-TIME REDWOOD PICNIC TABLE.

1111. MORE? OF COURSE YOU WANT MORE.

1112. AND BENCH. HE GOT THE WHOLE SET.

1113. NOW, I ADMIT THAT WAS FUN. BUT I ASK YOU.

1114. AND THRILL AT DESTRUCTION?

1115. - WHY? - OKAY. OKAY.

1116. ASK YOURSELF WHY.

1117. HERE IT IS. HERE'S HIS AGENDA.

1118. LET ME TELL YOU, I'VE BEEN WATCHING FOR A LONG, LONG TIME,

1119. AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SEE.

1120. I REALLY DON'T. EVERYBODY'S ANXIOUS AND SCARED.

1121. EVERYBODY'S WORKING ALL THE TIME, BUT WHAT DO YOU REALLY GAIN?

1122. COMPUTER PETS BECAUSE THEY'VE LEARNED

1123. MORE THAN THEY DO PEOPLE.

1124. WE ACQUIRE, WE CONSUME, AND WE WASTE.

1125. HE'S BARKING MAD. HE'S A LONE NUT.

1126. AND THAT'S NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.

1127. I PROMISE YOU THAT WAS NOT THE PLAN.

1128. AND I THINK IT'S TIME SOME THINGS CHANGED AROUND HERE, DON'T YOU?

1129. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? TURN YOUR SETS OFF.

1130. - TV HISTORY? - OKAY, CUT HIM, CUT HIM.

1131. HERE'S YOUR CHAIN SAW. 'NIGHT, RICKY.

1132. HERE YOU GO. RIGHT THERE.

1133. WOULD YOU GUYS EXCUSE US, PLEASE?

1134. I NEED TO TALK TO RICKY ALONE.

1135. OKAY, GUYS.

1136. BARRY, JUST FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE?

1137. YEAH. I'M OUT.

1138. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

1139. I DON'T KNOW.

1140. EVER SINCE YOU GUYS SHOWED UP, ALL I DO IS GO BACKWARDS.

1141. YOU KNOW, IT SEEMS LIKE NO MATTER WHAT I'VE DONE YOU GET OFFENDED,

1142. OR, YOU KNOW, I MAKE HIM MAD AND—

1143. I MEAN, I DIDN'T—I DON'T WANNA LOSE THIS JOB.

1144. I—YOU KNOW, I LIKE WORKIN' HERE.

1145. I LIKE SELLING. I'M GOOD AT IT, I THINK.

1146. MY DAD WAS A SALESMAN. ON THE ROAD. YOU KNOW EVINRUDE MOTORS?

1147. YEAH, OUTBOARD MOTORS.

1148. HE DID THE WHOLE LAKE ERIE REGION, BOTH SIDES OF THE BORDER.

1149. WOW.

1150. FOR A COUPLE OF SUMMERS.

1151. MAN, THIS CAPRICE HE HAD WAS LIKE HIS HOME.

1152. HIS PLACE FOR RUBBER BANDS.

1153. HE'D KEEP ALL HIS RUBBER BANDS ON THE STICK SHIFT.

1154. A VERY PARTICULAR WAY.

1155. AND RED LICORICE. BOXES OF RED LICORICE.

1156. WE HAD A GOOD TIME FOR A WHILE.

1157. WHAT HAPPENED?

1158. OH, BAD LUCK, I GUESS.

1159. NOBODY WATER SKIS ON A DEAD LAKE.

1160. SO—

1161. YOU KNOW, HE TRIED ANYWAY, BUT, UH—

1162. YOU KNOW, YOU START TO PUSH AND GET SWEATY, AND THEY CAN SMELL IT.

1163. - WOW, THIS IS SO WEIRD. - WHAT?

1164. I'M STARTING TO THINK OF YOU AS A REAL PERSON.

1165. WELL, YEAH. SURE.

1166. THIS WHOLE BROKEN, PATHETIC HUSK THING

1167. YOU KNOW—I KNOW, IT'S VERY APPEALING.

1168. WELL, IF YA GOT IT, FLAUNT IT.

1169. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

1170. YEAH.

1171. IF I MAY SAY—

1172. YOU'RE THROUGH, HAYMAN! GET LOST!

1173. HEY. HOW'D IT GO WITH McB?

1174. - FINE, FINE. - WHAT HAPPENED?

1175. OH, HE WAS VERY GRACIOUS. NO LEGAL ACTION.

1176. AND HE GAVE ME A FULL 15 MINUTES TO LEAVE THE PREMISES.

1177. COME ON. MOVE. HE'S FLYING TO D.C.

1178. IN THE PARKING LOT.

1179. - WHO IS? - THE BOSS!

1180. NO, KATE, IT'S OVER.

1181. NOT WHEN HE SEES THESE. COME ON.

1182. PUT THAT DOWN.

1183. FROM G's SHOW.

1184. THE SECOND HE CAME ON.

1185. SO WHAT?

1186. THAT NUTCASE OFF THE AIR.

1187. HE REACHED THEM. THEY LIKED HIM.

1188. OH, GEEZ.

1189. THEY WANTED TO BUY SOMETHING; THEY JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT.

1190. JOHN, THIS IS A 30% JUMP.

1191. WITH A SPOKESPERSON.

1192. RICKY WAS RIGHT.

1193. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING? WE GIVE THIS MANIAC ANOTHER CHANCE?

1194. AH! WHICH MANIAC WOULD THAT BE?

1195. I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS ALL NIGHT. G SHOOK THEM UP.

1196. HE'S DANGEROUS, BUT HE REPRESENTS AN HONESTY THAT PEOPLE ARE LONGING FOR.

1197. TOTALLY.

1198. SPIRITUALITY ON A HOME SHOPPING NETWORK?

1199. I'M SORRY, DID I SAY SPIRITUALITY? I THINK I MEAN UNCONVENTIONALITY.

1200. - UNIQUE, HEARTFELT, WISE. - PITHY.

1201. PITHY?

1202. THAT AFTER PEOPLE BUY, THEY FEEL GUILTY.

1203. EVEN IF THEY CAN AFFORD IT,

1204. TO BUY SOMETHING FOR THEMSELVES.

1205. FOR A CHANGE?

1206. ABSOLUTELY.

1207. AND, LISTEN, LET ME JUST WORK WITH THE GUY AND LET ME FOCUS HIS MESSAGE.

1208. THAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

1209. GIVE ME THE DEADEST HOUR OF THE DAY. 2:00 A.M.?

1210. ALL RIGHT.

1211. BUT I KID YOU NOT,

1212. IF I'M EMBARRASSED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM,

1213. IT IS GOING TO BE BOTH YOUR ASSES.

1214. - MY ASS ENTIRELY. - MY ASS TOO, SIR.

1215. I MEAN, THAT'S ROUGH, YOU KNOW, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA.

1216. YES.

1217. YOU'RE A HUNGRY ONE, AREN'T YOU, SCOTT?

1218. EXCUSE ME?

1219. NO NEED FOR EXCUSES. I'M A HUNGRY ONE TOO.

1220. BUT WHAT IS IT YOU REALLY WANT? IT ISN'T THIS.

1221. THE WHOLE THING.

1222. GIVE ME THE NETWORK. LET ME RUN WITH IT.

1223. I'LL GIVE YOU A REDESIGN THAT'LL DOUBLE SALES INSIDE OF 18 MONTHS.

1224. WHAT ABOUT KATE AND HAYMAN?

1225. KATE'S SMART.

1226. AND WORK FOR ME, FINE.

1227. HAYMAN CAN CALL IN AND BUY THINGS,

1228. JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

1229. I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE DOIN' THIS AGAIN.

1230. ONE MINUTE!

1231. OKAY, A NICE, DEEP BREATH. THAT'S GOOD.

1232. - ONE MINUTE! - WHAT DO YOU THINK?

1233. ONE MINUTE!

1234. ARE YOU WITH THE PROGRAM? YOU WITH US?

1235. YOU'RE A NATURAL. ARE YOU WITH US?

1236. OH, YEAH.

1237. OKAY, OKAY. NOW REMEMBER, LET'S GO OVER THIS ONE MORE TIME.

1238. HERE'S THE TELEPROMPTER.

1239. OKAY.

1240. AND WHEN THE RED LIGHT GOES ON, YOU'RE ON, START READING.

1241. OKAY.

1242. REMEMBER, HOLD THE PRODUCT UP.

1243. FIFTY SECONDS!

1244. OKAY, WE'RE GONNA BE IN THE BOOTH.

1245. - OKAY. - YOU'RE A NATURAL.

1246. THAT'S 'CAUSE I LOVE SHOW BUSINESS.

1247. AND SHOW BUSINESS LOVES YOU.

1248. SHOW BUSINESS. IT'S A BUSINESS. SHOW BUSINESS.

1249. CAMERA ONE UP. CAMERA TWO STANDING BY.

1250. AUDIO UP.

1251. [Man #2] AUDIO, AND FIVE—

1252. AND COUNT IT OFF.

1253. FOUR, THREE.

1254. OH, PLEASE SPEAK.

1255. MR. MUM, MR. HUSH. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

1256. - HELLO. - OKAY. HOLD IT UP.

1257. WE HAVE HERE.

1258. IT'S CALLED THE STARFISH PENDANT.

1259. HE'S HOLDING IT UP. HE'S GOOD.

1260. IT'S MADE OUT OF TWO-KARAT GOLD, WONDERFUL TWO-KARAT GOLD,

1261. WHICH MAKES IT VERY CHARMING.

1262. BECAUSE IT'S SO VERY LIGHT, IT'S EASY TO WEAR.

1263. AND KIDS LOVE IT. IT LOOKS GREAT AT PARTIES.

1264. TALK. KEEP READING. KEEP READING.

1265. THAN A NECKLACE.

1266. OH, NO.

1267. THIS BROUGHT BACK A MEMORY.

1268. WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY.

1269. MEMORIES ARE GOOD. THERE WAS A STORM.

1270. STARFISH WERE WASHED UP ON THE SHORE.

1271. YOU WAVED HIM OVER.

1272. LET'S JUST HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

1273. PICKING UP THE STARFISH.

1274. BACK INTO THE OCEAN.

1275. WHEN I SAW HER DOING THIS, I SAID TO HER, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?

1276. YOU CAN ONLY SAVE A FEW BEFORE THEY DIE. WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?"

1277. AND SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SHE SAID, "TO THAT ONE, IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE."

1278. "TO THAT ONE, IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE," THAT LITTLE GIRL SAID.

1279. AND SHE WAS RIGHT.

1280. AT THAT VERY MOMENT, SHE WAS MAKING A DIFFERENCE FOR THAT STARFISH,

1281. AND SHE WAS MAKING A DIFFERENCE FOR HERSELF, TOO, BECAUSE SHE WAS

1282. CONNECTED TO THAT STARFISH.

1283. AND THAT'S WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT— CONNECTING.

1284. IN FACT, THAT'S THE ONLY TIME YOU'RE EVER ALIVE, REALLY,

1285. IS WHEN YOU'RE CONNECTING.

1286. THAT'S KIND OF A NICE STORY.

1287. THAT'S SWEET, THAT'S SWEET.

1288. WELL, THANK YOU FOR TUNING IN.

1289. AND REMEMBER, LET GO,

1290. GIVE IN AND TAKE THE JOURNEY.

1291. OH, WAIT! ONE OTHER THING.

1292. RICKY HAYMAN.

1293. WHERE'D HE GET THAT? WHERE'D HE GET THAT PICTURE?

1294. HE ASKED.

1295. OH, BARRY, YOU DIDN'T.

1296. WHAT? I DIDN'T—

1297. RICKY DOESN'T LIKE HIMSELF BECAUSE HE DOESN'T THINK HE'S A GOOD PERSON

1298. 'CAUSE HE CAN'T SEE ALL OF HIS GOOD QUALITIES.

1299. - SO—CAN YOU COME IN CLOSER? - SAM, FRAME OFF THE PICTURE.

1300. - OH, THIS IS— - SAM, SAM.

1301. I DIDN'T—I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GONNA—

1302. - DON'T GO IN CLOSE. DON'T. - DON'T, DON'T.

1303. GO IN CLOSE.

1304. DON'T, DON'T GO IN CLOSE, SAM!

1305. - TOO LATE. - OH, THIS IS EVERYBODY'S JOKE?

1306. YES. I SEE. HA-HA-HA.

1307. IT'S FUNNY DAY. HEY, CHEESY.

1308. DON'T. NO. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T.

1309. THERE'S TWO THINGS YOU CAN DO FOR ME FOR MY FRIEND RICKY HAYMAN.

1310. IF YOU RUN INTO THIS MAN ANYWHERE, IF YOU SEE HIM ANYWHERE,

1311. ONE THING IS, GO UP TO HIM

1312. ABOUT HIMSELF TO BUILD UP HIS CONFIDENCE.

1313. OR HIS HAIRSTYLE OR SOMETHING.

1314. "YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY, RICKY."

1315. SOMETHING, YOU KNOW, THAT'S REASSURING TO HIM

1316. BECAUSE HE HAS A VERY, VERY LOW SELF-IMAGE.

1317. THIS IS THE LOWEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.

1318. HUG HIM.

1319. NO, THIS IS THE LOWEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.

1320. IF YOU SEE THIS MAN, GIVE HIM A HUG.

1321. HE REALLY, REALLY WANTS TO BE HUGGED, AND HE'S NOT USED TO IT.

1322. NO!

1323. HE REALLY NEEDS IT.

1324. NO, NO. NO.

1325. YOU'RE REALLY—

1326. REALLY TALL.

1327. VERY NICE. THANK YOU FOR THE NATIONAL HUMILIATION. THANK YOU.

1328. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. LOOK AT THIS.

1329. HUMILIATED TODAY, HERO TOMORROW.

1330. HEY, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THE NUMBERS.

1331. UNBELIEVABLE.

1332. - ARE THOSE THE ACTUAL NUMBERS? - THOSE ARE THE ACTUAL NUMBERS.

1333. - THESE ARE THE PENDANTS? - HE DID IT.

1334. [Man #1 ] LOOK AT THAT.

1335. [Man #2] I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. IT'S AWESOME.

1336. MY FRIENDS, DO YOU HAVE FOOD THAT GOES TO WASTE?

1337. TO COOK A MEAL FOR YOUR FAMILY?

1338. VEGETABLES AND LUNCH MEATS FOREVER?

1339. WE SAY WET IT AGAIN WITH FOGGY.

1340. IT'S THE HOOD BUDDY—

1341. FABULOUS MEALS WHILE YOU DRIVE.

1342. LIL SQUIRT... IT'S A FESTIVE FOUNTAIN

1343. "A KISS OF REFRESHING MIST."

1344. BUT LOOK WHAT WE DID WITH FOGGY!

1345. WE MADE BANANA MUSH.

1346. SOOT GIVES IT A UNIQUE, UNRIVALED, RICH, HEARTY, ROBUST AROMA.

1347. IN THE FIRST PLACE?

1348. SUCK IT.

1349. LIL SQUIRT, THIS IS PROBABLY THE NASTIEST PRODUCT ON THE ENTIRE NETWORK.

1350. 10-4, HOOD BUDDY. YUMMY.

1351. [G] OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

1352. BUT LET'S FACE IT, THE SEAT-WARMERS THAT YOU'RE SITTING ON

1353. THAN YOU ARE.

1354. YES, THEY ARE.

1355. AND I AM YOU—

1356. IF I WERE YOU, WHAT I WOULD DO IS

1357. NEW DAY LIKE IT WAS A LONG-LOST LOVER,

1358. I POSSIBLY COULD.

1359. THE JUICER, THE JUICER. SAM, GET A SHOT OF THE JUICER.

1360. JUICERS, JUICERS.

1361. OKAY, TIGHT SHOT. KITCHEN-AID, 79.95.

1362. KITCHEN-AID JUICER, 79.95.

1363. - FABULOUS. - GO, GO, GO.

1364. FOUND A NEW GURU.

1365. HIS NAME IS G, AND HE'S A MIXTURE OF HIGHER THINKING AND LOWER PRICES.

1366. OKAY, GET OFF THE PHONE. YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THESE.

1367. I'LL CALL YOU LATER. TV GUIDE, TIME, FORBES.

1368. CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, SIR—

1369. I DON'T WANNA PUT WORDS IN YOUR MOUTH.

1370. IT FELT TO ME AS IF WE HAD A DEAL.

1371. WELL, YOU FELT WRONG.

1372. I SAID IF HAYMAN SCREWED UP, YOU WERE IN.

1373. HE DIDN'T.

1374. SINCE THE CUBIC ZIRCONIA.

1375. THAT DOESN'T PIQUE YOUR SHERLOCK HOLMES BRAIN CELLS?

1376. MY GOD, THE MAN HAS NO HISTORY,

1377. NO SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER, NO DRIVER'S LICENSE,

1378. VOTER'S REGISTRATION, BIRTH CERTIFICATE, NOTHING.

1379. G ISN'T EVEN A NAME, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

1380. YOU DON'T FIND THAT CURIOUS?

1381. YES, I DO. I JUST DON'T FIND IT ILLEGAL.

1382. TO G's PHILOSOPHY.

1383. IN G's APHORISMS.

1384. AND I'M SURE HE WILL TELL YOU HE'S—

1385. A STUDENT OF THE NEW TESTAMENT.

1386. G's ESSENTIAL RELIGIOUS FOUNDATION

1387. OF JESUS CHRIST,

1388. IN THE SEMINARY HIMSELF.

1389. NO, DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING. I WANNA KEEP IT SIMPLE.

1390. WHAT? WHAT DID I TELL YOU? EVERY MARKET.

1391. RIGHT! EVERY MARKET.

1392. LET'S RUN IT EVERYWHERE. FULL PAGE.

1393. I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH IT COSTS. SAVE ME THIS STUFF IN THE—RIGHT.

1394. WHAT? A WEEK. LET'S RUN IT FOR A WEEK, SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

1395. NO, MAN. THANK YOU.

1396. HI, NICE TO SEE YOU— TALK TO YOU. HI, HEY!

1397. HEY. HEY.

1398. HEY!

1399. THE, UH—WE'RE GLAD TO GET YOU.

1400. LISTEN, WE'RE JUST SITTIN' AROUND HERE— I KNOW IT'S SORT OF LAST MINUTE.

1401. FOR A DRINK?

1402. EXACTLY RIGHT.

1403. THE, UH—I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE A TASTE FOR, BUT—

1404. - HOW ABOUT THE BREAKWATER? - I LOVE THE BREAKWATER.

1405. IT'S, UM—

1406. WHAT TIME IS IT? 7:00?

1407. CAN YOU PICK ME UP IN HALF AN HOUR?

1408. ONE HALF HOUR. GREAT.

1409. OH. OH.

1410. OH.

1411. - I'M WET. - YOU'RE SO WET.

1412. LOOK AT THAT. WELL, SCOTT WAS CERTAINLY RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING.

1413. ABOUT WHAT?

1414. YOU DO HAVE ELEGANT TOES.

1415. SCOTT WAS, UM—

1416. WHAT? YOU TWO DATED?

1417. A WHILE AGO.

1418. FOR ABOUT A MINUTE.

1419. WELL, YOU KNOW, HE SEEMS LIKE A—

1420. LIKE A DETERMINED GUY. YEAH.

1421. TO McBAINBRIDGE.

1422. WHAT? FEEL LIKE HE USED YOU?

1423. HE DID SOME WORK FOR US. MADE ME LOOK GOOD.

1424. SO I GUESS WE USED EACH OTHER.

1425. ALL'S FAIR, RIGHT?

1426. I HAD A REALLY NICE TIME.

1427. I HAD A NICE TIME TOO.

1428. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

1429. SEE YOU LATER.

1430. RICKY!

1431. I LOVED OUR DANCE.

1432. DAMN.

1433. IT'S G. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

1434. SOMEBODY CAME FORWARD, SOME WOMAN. SHE SAYS G's HER HUSBAND.

1435. SIX KIDS—IN CHICAGO.

1436. - JUST WALKED OUT, ABANDONED THEM. - OH, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.

1437. SHE'S HOLDING A PRESS CONFERENCE IN AN HOUR.

1438. WHERE?

1439. IT WAS TIME FOR THIS CHARADE TO END.

1440. THIS MAN, G, HAD ALREADY HURT ME AND MY KIDS.

1441. AND, WELL, WHEN I SAW THIS,

1442. I KNEW I COULDN'T LET HIM HURT ANY OTHER INNOCENT PEOPLE.

1443. WELL, ISN'T THIS JUST LOVELY.

1444. SCOTT, GET US OUT OF THIS.

1445. OKAY, PEOPLE. HERE'S THE BITTER TRUTH.

1446. THE ONLY WAY WE'RE GONNA GET OUT OF THIS IN ONE PIECE IS TO FACE IT.

1447. SO, I'M SORRY, BUT, RICKY, KATE, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO RESIGN.

1448. G HASN'T SAID IF SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH.

1449. G, DO YOU KNOW THIS WOMAN?

1450. YES, THAT'S GRACE FROM CHICAGO.

1451. SHE'S HOLDING LITTLE IRIS AND THAT'S MICHAEL AND LLOYD WITH HER.

1452. EXCUSE ME A SECOND.

1453. - WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - GOING TO SAY HELLO.

1454. G, DO YOU KNOW THIS WOMAN?

1455. KIDS, HI! IT'S SO GOOD TO—EVERYBODY'S GOTTEN SO BIG.

1456. G, HOW LONG

1457. AND THE KIDS?

1458. WHAT?

1459. G, WHY DID YOU MARRY GRACE,

1460. OF THE NIGHT?

1461. YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID. YOU LEFT.

1462. NOW, THAT'S TRUE. I DID LEAVE.

1463. WHY DID YOU LIE TO AMERICA?

1464. WE TRUSTED YOU.

1465. HAVE YOU DESTROYED?

1466. GIVE US THE REAL STORY.

1467. WHAT IS THE TRUTH HERE?

1468. POSSIBLE JAIL TIME?

1469. WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. PLEASE, WAIT A MINUTE.

1470. STOP, STOP. I LIED. I LIED!

1471. I LIED FOR THE MONEY.

1472. G—G's A SAINT.

1473. HE'S NOT MY HUSBAND OR THEIR DAD.

1474. AS A FRIEND.

1475. HE HELPED US. I AM SO SORRY.

1476. YOU KNOW, I JUST—

1477. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

1478. OKAY? YOU ALL RIGHT?

1479. THAT MAN.

1480. I CALLED HIM, AND I TOLD HIM THAT I KNEW G.

1481. WHO'S SHE TALKING ABOUT?

1482. HE OFFERED ME MONEY, FIVE GRAND.

1483. $5,000 TO GET UP HERE AND SAY A FEW WORDS, TO GET UP HERE AND LIE.

1484. HE PAID ME TO LIE ABOUT G.

1485. I'M SORRY. I MAY BE POOR, BUT THERE'S YOUR BAD MAN RIGHT THERE!

1486. THERE HE IS.

1487. WHERE? SCOTT HAWKES!

1488. IS THIS A CONSPIRACY, SCOTT? OR WERE YOU BY YOURSELF?

1489. NO, I HAVE NO COMMENT.

1490. NO MORE QUESTIONS.

1491. PRIVACY. JUST A LITTLE PRIVACY.

1492. I ONLY HAVE A COMMENT AT THIS POINT. TELL US THE TRUTH.

1493. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T—LET HIM ALONE. LET HIM HAVE A LITTLE PRIVACY.

1494. AND, UH—NO, I WANNA TAKE CARE OF THAT.

1495. LISTEN, I'VE BEEN EMPOWERED BY MR. JOHN McBAINBRIDGE

1496. TO OFFER GRACE $5,000

1497. THE GOOD BUY NETWORK,

1498. UH, AS WELL AS $5,000 WORTH OF GOOD BUY PRODUCTS,

1499. INCLUDING THE, UH, NEW GEORGE FOREMAN

1500. THAT'S AVAILABLE ONLY ON WEDNESDAY NIGHTS ON GEORGE'S SHOW

1501. HERE ON OUR SHOW.

1502. - THIS SOUNDS LIKE A PUBLICITY STUNT. - CERTAINLY IS NOT, TANYA.

1503. IT WAS WHAT IT WAS, AND LET'S ALL CONTINUE ON OUR JOURNEY.

1504. THANKS SO MUCH.

1505. OH, DON'T YOU THINK WE'RE GOING A LITTLE FAR?

1506. WITH WHAT? THE ANNOUNCER?

1507. IT'S THE TOP OF THE SHOW. PIZAZZ.

1508. WE'RE JUST KIDDING AROUND WITH THAT, BUT I WANT TO MAKE IT AN EVENT.

1509. HERE'S G!

1510. WITH A BIGGER TV SET?

1511. YEAH, SURE. ON SUNDAYS, YEAH.

1512. - OR A V.C.R.? - TV SET, V.C.R.

1513. OR A LASER DISC, YES?

1514. HE'S ESPECIALLY EXCITED ABOUT LASER DISCS.

1515. GREAT. LOOK UP THE NUMBERS. GET READY TO TYPE.

1516. NO.

1517. NO?

1518. NO.

1519. NO, NO. CAN'T YOU SEE?

1520. THIS—THIS DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

1521. MY CLOTHES DON'T MEAN ANYTHING.

1522. I JUST WISH HE WEREN'T SO ANTI-EVERYTHING.

1523. YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT?

1524. I'LL SHOW YOU. COME ON.

1525. OOP, HERE WE GO. FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS.

1526. - COME WITH ME? - COME WITH ME.

1527. LET ME SHOW YOU.

1528. THIS IS IMPORTANT. THIS IS CRUCIAL.

1529. SHOULD HAVE IN THEIR LIFE.

1530. GET TIRED OF.

1531. HER NAME IS KATE, AND SHE IS AS WONDERFUL AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN GET.

1532. AND YOU KNOW WHY?

1533. BECAUSE WHEN YOU TALK TO KATE, SHE LISTENS TO WHAT YOU SAY.

1534. AND THAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY V.C.R. AND ANY TELEVISION.

1535. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, KATE?

1536. I'M SORRY. I WASN'T LISTENING. WHAT'D YOU SAY?

1537. HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE THIS WOMAN? HOW CHARMING IS SHE?

1538. HOW WONDERFUL IS SHE? LET ME TELL YOU.

1539. NEEDS TO FIND...

1540. ULTIMATE AND TRUE HAPPINESS.

1541. COME BACK, BRUTUS.

1542. SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS.

1543. THAT'S HOW MUCH TIME YOU GET IF YOU'RE LUCKY.

1544. SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS. SEVENTY-FIVE WINTERS,

1545. SEVENTY-FIVE SPRINGTIMES,

1546. AND SEVENTY-FIVE AUTUMNS.

1547. WHEN YOU LOOK AT IT LIKE THAT, IT'S NOT A LOT OF TIME, IS IT?

1548. DON'T WASTE THEM.

1549. PREOCCUPY YOUR EXISTENCE,

1550. AND GET BACK TO WHAT'S IMPORTANT NOW. RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY SECOND.

1551. AND I'M NOT SAYING DROP EVERYTHING

1552. TO A GRINDING HALT.

1553. I'M SAYING THAT YOU CAN BECOME A SEEKER. YOU CAN BE LOVING MORE.

1554. YOU COULD BE TAKING SOME CHANCES. YOU COULD BE LIVING MORE.

1555. WITH YOUR FAMILY.

1556. INSTEAD OF FEARS, THE PART OF YOU THAT LOVES INSTEAD OF HATES,

1557. THE HUMANITY IN ALL OF US.

1558. AND I TELL YOU, THAT'S WHERE

1559. OH, THERE IT IS. IT WAS A MOMENTARY BOBBLE.

1560. WE'RE BACK, WE'RE BACK.

1561. CAREFUL, BRUTUS, DON'T FALL DOWN. I WANT YOU TO SEE SOMETHING.

1562. SOMETHING VERY, VERY IMPORTANT.

1563. OKAY, RIGHT HERE.

1564. THIS GRASS HERE FOR ME, BRUTUS?

1565. THAT'S THE ANSWER RIGHT THERE.

1566. THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT, RIGHT THERE.

1567. FOR A SECOND.

1568. JUST, JUST LOOK AT THIS, THIS BEAUTIFUL,

1569. PEACEFUL PARCEL OF EARTH AROUND US.

1570. GO AHEAD, WHEREVER YOU ARE.

1571. JUST—JUST GO LOOK AT SOME GRASS. GO AHEAD.

1572. JUST GO LOOK AT SOME GRASS.

1573. SPEEDY, COME ON OVER HERE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS GRASS.

1574. BARRY. BARRY! BARRY. BARRY.

1575. GENTLEMEN, BATTLE STATIONS, BATTLE STATIONS.

1576. J.P., WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO GET READY TO SHOOT HERE LIVE.

1577. OKAY, GO, GO. BARRY, BARRY!

1578. WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE?

1579. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON! WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO CUT TO YOU.

1580. HOLD UP THE MAT. YEAH. I WANT YOU TO TALK ABOUT THE MAT.

1581. OKAY? I DON'T WANNA. I'M NOT ON-AIR.

1582. LET'S CALL IT A PEACEFUL PARCEL. PEACEFUL PAR—WHAT?

1583. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M NOT—I'M NOT ON-AIR—

1584. GO, GO!

1585. CAN WE—ARE WE—WE'RE GONNA GO IN TIGHT, RIGHT?

1586. 'CAUSE I DON'T— OH. OH, MAN.

1587. OKAY, SAM, WHAT'S UP?

1588. BARRY, HE'S ON THE FLOOR WITH ONE OF HIS MATS.

1589. THE GRASS MATS.

1590. OR A CLOSE ONE ON THE MAT.

1591. RIGHT. ONE, ON BARRY. TWO, TIGHT ON MAT.

1592. HERE WE GO. RICKY, I AM NOT ON-AIR TALENT!

1593. ALSO, GET READY TO GO TO THE GRAPHICS. READY!

1594. - OKAY, GRAPHICS PREPPED AND READY. - YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF YOUR WORRIES.

1595. - GO TO GRAPHICS. - GO TO GRAPHICS.

1596. - GO TO G. - G.

1597. - G UP. - GIVE IN.

1598. TO YOUR DESIRES.

1599. - GO TO GRAPHICS. - GRAPHICS.

1600. GO TO G. ON G.

1601. - AND TAKE THE JOURNEY.

1602. 24-HOURS A DAY.

1603. - GO TO GRAPHICS. - GRAPHICS.

1604. - GO TO BARRY. - AND TO BARRY.

1605. CUE BARRY.

1606. OKAY.

1607. THANKS, G.

1608. UM—

1609. GOOD.

1610. YOU'RE WATCHING THE, UH, THE GOOD BUY SHOPPING NETWORK,

1611. JUST A LITTLE BIT GREENER.

1612. LOOK AT HIM GO.

1613. THIS IS KATE. HI, MARY.

1614. GREAT. I'LL TELL HIM.

1615. WELL, WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH THE GRASS MATS.

1616. - THEY'RE SELLING OUT. - ALREADY?

1617. NOW, THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR. THE GRASS MATS ARE SELLING OUT.

1618. ALL RIGHT!

1619. THANK YOU SO MUCH. GOOD JOB.

1620. IF YOU'RE FEELING BAD, AND YOU

1621. WELL, THAT WAS JUST THE BEST MACARONI AND CHEESE DINNER I THINK I EVER HAD.

1622. KRAFT IN THE BOX IS, OF COURSE, THE CLASSIC,

1623. - BUT YOU HAVE A TOUCH. - MY PLEASURE.

1624. - ARE YOU OKAY? - I'M FINE.

1625. WAIT A MINUTE.

1626. THE WAY YOU SAY "I'M FINE—"

1627. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

1628. I'M WORRIED ABOUT G. REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST MET HIM?

1629. HE WAS SO HAPPY. AND THAT SMILE.

1630. AND NOW HE JUST SEEMS DRAINED.

1631. WELL, LIKE US. YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL THE WORK.

1632. RIGHT, IT IS ALL THE WORK.

1633. AND NOW THAT HE'S CAUGHT ON, IT'LL ONLY GET WORSE.

1634. IT STARTED SO SIMPLY, AND NOW IT'S BECOME THIS WHOLE, BIG PRODUCTION.

1635. IT'S THE HAYMAN AND NEWELL CIRCUS

1636. AND THE ANNOUNCERS.

1637. KINDA FUN, HUH?

1638. KITSCH. OH. YEAH?

1639. TODAY, AT THE STATION, THEY WERE

1640. WAY BEYOND THE G T-SHIRTS.

1641. WHAT DID THEY SHOW YOU?

1642. AFTER HIM, CALLED G WHIZ.

1643. WHAT? IS THAT TERRIBLE? OH.

1644. - YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS? - I HELPED COME UP WITH IT.

1645. - I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. - OH, RICKY.

1646. WHAT?

1647. THE G STRING.

1648. LOOK, I MEAN, WHO ARE WE HURTING ANYWAY?

1649. YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GETTING THIS AMAZING MESSAGE?

1650. I DON'T THINK SO. YOU KNOW.

1651. CERTAINLY— ARE WE HURTING G?

1652. YOU KNOW, INSTEAD OF GETTING STUFF TOSSED AT HIM ON SOME LONELY HIGHWAY,

1653. HE'S REACHING AMERICA, HE'S REACHING THE COUNTRY.

1654. WHO'S LOSING OUT? IT'S ALL GOOD.

1655. YES, BUT WE ARE MAKING MONEY OFF OF THAT IMAGE.

1656. OF INCENSE IS MAKING MONEY.

1657. AND, YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING THAT WE SELL,

1658. PEOPLE ARE BUYING, I THINK, 'CAUSE THEY FEEL CLOSER TO G.

1659. AND IF THEY WEAR A G T-SHIRT, PEOPLE THINK, OH, YOU KNOW,

1660. WHAT HE'S ALL ABOUT, WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT, AND THEY BECOME BETTER PEOPLE.

1661. DON'T YOU THINK SO? I THINK SO.

1662. - THE DIFFERENCE IS? - WHAT?

1663. G WOULD DO THIS FOR FREE.

1664. I THINK WE SHOULD LET HIM GO.

1665. WHAT?

1666. I MEAN, HE'S NOT CHAINED IN MY BASEMENT, YOU KNOW.

1667. HE'S A FREE MAN.

1668. - BUT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

1669. I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE G PRIME TIME.

1670. I'M GONNA GIVE HIM HIS OWN HALF-HOUR SHOW.

1671. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

1672. SURELY YOU DON'T THINK THIS IS A BAD IDEA.

1673. NO, NO.

1674. ON-AIR PERSONALITY WE'VE EVER HAD.

1675. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT, BUT, UH—

1676. AND I LOVE THE IDEA OF A NEW G SHOW. I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING.

1677. THIS IS SO FUNNY.

1678. THAT'S WHY I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU. LISTEN TO THIS.

1679. I THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA. WHAT IF, UH,

1680. WITH G AND OTHER HOSTS?

1681. WAIT A MINUTE.

1682. AN ENSEMBLE SHOW, WHERE G DOESN'T HAVE TO, YOU KNOW,

1683. CARRY THE WHOLE THING.

1684. ARE YOU NUTS?

1685. HE'S THE GUY THEY'RE INTERESTED IN. I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR HESITATION.

1686. OH, WAIT A SECOND. WAIT. I KNOW.

1687. YEAH. I KNOW, AND I UNDERSTAND.

1688. YEAH!

1689. YOU'RE UPSET BECAUSE I PROMISED I'D TAKE CARE OF YOU IF THIS TOOK OFF AND I HAVEN'T.

1690. - YET. - OH.

1691. BUT IF YOU LAUNCH THIS, AND IF YOU MAKE IT WORK,

1692. THEN EVERYTHING YOU'VE WANTED,

1693. AN OFFICE NEXT TO MINE,

1694. A VIEW OF THE STUDIO, A CAR, THE PERKS, THE BONUSES—

1695. EVERYTHING WILL BE YOURS.

1696. - AND KATE? - TO HELL WITH KATE.

1697. OR DON'T YOU?

1698. LOOK, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, KATE IS INDISPENSABLE.

1699. WE COULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN HERE WITHOUT KATE, AND MY DEAL

1700. WOULD HAVE TO BE IN PLACE, 'CAUSE, THAT'S RIGHT,

1701. YOU SAID THE LAST SHOW,

1702. I ALSO SAID TO GET G SIGNED UP, AND HAVE YOU DONE THAT, MR. ON-THE-BALL?

1703. - YEAH, HE'S BEEN HERE. - I DON'T SEE ANY PAPER.

1704. OH, WELL, THAT'S JUST A MATTER OF SIGNING.

1705. WHY? HE DOESN'T HAVE A PEN? YOU GET HIM SIGNED UP.

1706. AND THEN WE'LL TALK YOUR DEAL.

1707. WHETHER YOU'RE A LOVER OF JAZZ, GOSPEL, CLASSIC OR ROCK,

1708. YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SELECT THE KIND

1709. WHATEVER KIND OF MUSIC YOU ENJOY.

1710. GIVE YOU ALL KINDS OF FEATURES,

1711. BUT IT DOES IT IN A COMPACT SIZE.

1712. SO IF IT'S GONNA GO ON A BOOKSHELF, IF IT'S GONNA GO—

1713. AM I BOTHERING YOU?

1714. NO. HOW COULD YOU EVER BOTHER ME? I LOVE TALKING TO YOU.

1715. THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO DO— TALK WITH YOU.

1716. EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND. HELLO?

1717. YES, DR. SIMON.

1718. SO TELL ME, HOW LONG BEFORE I CAN CONTINUE MY JOURNEY?

1719. HOW COULD IT BE CHRONIC?

1720. UH, HOW CAN IT BE CHRONIC? WELL, IT'S CHRONIC BECAUSE—

1721. IT'S CHRONIC BECAUSE OF THE DECREASE

1722. I'M SORRY, I GOT—

1723. I GOT A LITTLE PHLEGM THERE. AND—

1724. YEAH, THE, UM, THE DECREASE WE REGISTERED IN YOUR "N—"

1725. DOLPHINS. ENDORPHINS!

1726. I'M SORRY, I COULDN'T READ MY OWN WRITING.

1727. YOU KNOW, DOCTOR'S HANDWRITING. YES.

1728. UH, THAT NUMBER WAS SUFFICIENTLY LOW, SO ASS TWO—

1729. YOU HAVE A POOR HEART.

1730. AT THIS TIME, I'M—I'M, UH—

1731. I'M AFRAID, UH, THAT YOU,

1732. UH, NEED TO—

1733. STAY ON THE FLOOR!

1734. UH, NO, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

1735. I WAS, UH, GIVING INSTRUCTIONS TO MY DOG.

1736. YEAH, I'M-I'M AFRAID THAT THIS TIME YOU NEED TO,

1737. UH, STICK AROUND FOR SEVERAL MONTHS, OR PERHAPS UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

1738. UH, JUST A LITTLE DOCTOR JOKE THERE, G.

1739. YEAH.

1740. NO, I'M JUST CALLING TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE OKAY.

1741. YEAH, I KNOW THAT YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED.

1742. NO, AS SOON AS THE HEAT BREAKS, I'LL— I'LL CALL TO MAKE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT.

1743. YEAH, I'M SORRY. THANKS. BYE-BYE.

1744. DID HE BUY THAT?

1745. I THINK SO.

1746. HE SOUNDED AWFULLY SAD, THOUGH.

1747. HE DID?

1748. OKAY, NOW I CAN GET HIM TO SIGN THE CONTRACT.

1749. OH MY GOD. KATE! KATE!

1750. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

1751. NO, WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

1752. RICKY, HOW? G TRUSTED YOU. I TRUSTED YOU.

1753. YOU CAN TRUST ME. OH, PLEASE!

1754. OKAY, HONEY, THAT WAS WRONG. THAT WAS WRONG.

1755. LISTEN, SWEETIE, DON'T BE UPSET WITH ME.

1756. I NEED—NEED MORE TIME.

1757. BUT DON'T BE UPSET, NOT WHEN EVERYTHING'S GOIN' GOOD FOR US.

1758. GOING GOOD?

1759. I JUST WATCHED YOU LIE TO OUR FRIEND.

1760. NO, BUT THAT WAS ISOLATED.

1761. I DIDN'T WANNA DO IT. I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.

1762. McBAINBRIDGE THIS MORNING.

1763. I HAD THIS IDEA, WHICH I ALLUDED TO LAST NIGHT, ABOUT PHASING HIM OUT EVENTUALLY,

1764. GETTING HIM TO SIGN THIS CONTRACT.

1765. OH, SO ALL'S FAIR, NEVER MIND WHAT'S GOOD OR RIGHT FOR ANYBODY ELSE.

1766. NO, NO, I THINK YOU'RE BEING IRRATIONAL.

1767. TRYING TO PERSUADE ME I'M STUPID IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO WIN THE ARGUMENT.

1768. OKAY, OKAY.

1769. TO MAKE IT RIGHT. PLEASE.

1770. OKAY. OKAY.

1771. NO, KATE.

1772. JOHN, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT RICKY'S CONTRACT.

1773. SPEAKING OF CONTRACTS, IS IT SETTLED?

1774. IS WHAT SETTLED? I'M PUTTING G ON PRIME TIME.

1775. HIS OWN SHOW.

1776. HAYMAN'S GONNA PRODUCE, IF HE DOESN'T SCREW UP.

1777. OH, HE WON'T SCREW UP.

1778. RICKY'S A GO-TO, GAME-ON-THE-LINE GUY.

1779. IN FACT, THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT, JOHN.

1780. RENEW RICKY'S CONTRACT.

1781. AN EXCELLENT TEAM.

1782. SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

1783. YOU TWO ARE CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH. ANYTHING FOR A BUCK.

1784. HOLD IT A SECOND!

1785. IF I RECALL, YOU'RE THE ONE

1786. WITH YOUR 30% RISE IN CALLS.

1787. WELL, I WAS WRONG. I WISH I NEVER HAD.

1788. WELL, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, FINE! NOW YOU'VE SAID YOUR PEACE.

1789. BUT IT'S NOT YOUR NETWORK. IT'S MY NETWORK.

1790. HOW TO RUN MY NETWORK.

1791. I CREATED YOU.

1792. YOU WALK WHEN I TELL YOU TO WALK. YOU RUN WHEN I TELL YOU TO RUN.

1793. AND YOU SELL WHAT I TELL YOU TO SELL!

1794. I WILL NOT SELL MY SOUL.

1795. KATE, WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

1796. KATE, KATE, KATE, KATE, KATE!

1797. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU AFTER ALL.

1798. SO MUCH IN MY LIFE.

1799. - RICKY HAYMAN? - YEAH.

1800. - HELLO? - KATE, HI, IT'S RICKY.

1801. HELLO?

1802. [G] A CONTRACT?

1803. YEAH, IT'S, UH, IT'S FOR SIX MONTHS

1804. IF THINGS ARE GOING WELL, AND YOU'RE GONNA BE PAID VERY WELL, OF COURSE.

1805. BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN PUT SOME ASIDE FOR YOUR FUTURE,

1806. OR—OR, UH, GIVE IT TO A CHARITY.

1807. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?

1808. BECAUSE IF THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK AND I'LL DO IT.

1809. YEAH. WOULD YOU SIGN?

1810. WELL, MR. HAYMAN, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

1811. AH, IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS?

1812. WELL, I'LL BE DIPPED IN SHIT. YOU HAVE DONE IT, MY BOY.

1813. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

1814. PROUD OF YOU, PROUD OF YOU! COME ON.

1815. LET ME USHER YOU TO YOUR NEW DIGS.

1816. FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME.

1817. WELL, HERE YOU ARE, HAYMAN. THE COMMAND MODULE.

1818. ALL SYSTEMS GO.

1819. TO THE STICKING POST AND BLAST OFF!

1820. PROUD OF YOU, MY BOY. PROUD OF YOU.

1821. - HELLO? - PLEASE DON'T HANG—

1822. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT G's IN THE STUDIO AND WE'RE ALMOST READY,

1823. TO THE CONTROL BOOTH.

1824. OKAY, BE THERE IN A SEC.

1825. - OKAY. - THANK YOU.

1826. HERE WE GO. CAMERA ONE, YOU ARE WIDE SHOT.

1827. CAMERA TWO, YOU'RE TIGHT ON G.

1828. CAMERA THREE, YOU ARE ROAMING ON PRODUCT.

1829. CAMERA FOUR, YOU'RE READY. STAND BY.

1830. CAMERA THREE, ARE YOU READY?

1831. COME ON. BACK IT UP. G's READY. HE'S OUT OF MAKEUP.

1832. - OH, THERE YOU ARE. - HERE I AM.

1833. - READY? - VERY MUCH SO.

1834. OKAY.

1835. ONE MINUTE!

1836. SHOW TIME.

1837. WAIT, WAIT. UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

1838. DON'T DO IT. DON'T—DON'T DO THE SHOW.

1839. DON'T DO THE SHOW. LEAVE THE STUDIO RIGHT NOW.

1840. - CONTINUE YOUR JOURNEY. - WHAT?

1841. YEAH. YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT YOU.

1842. THE SHOW'S—IF YOU DO IT, YOU'RE GONNA BE BIG, BIG.

1843. EVERYBODY'S GONNA BE CRAZY ABOUT YOU, BUT, UH—

1844. FROM DR. SIMON...

1845. TO BE DR. SIMON.

1846. I PUT HIM UP TO IT, AND YOUR HEART IS FINE.

1847. - WHAT? - I KNOW MY HEART'S FINE.

1848. SO IS YOURS, RICKY. SO IS YOURS.

1849. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU KNEW?

1850. OH, YES, I'VE KNOWN ALL ALONG.

1851. WELL, SO WHY'D YOU STAY?

1852. I STAYED 'CAUSE I WANTED TO HELP YOU, AND BECAUSE I LIKE YOU.

1853. BUT MOST OF ALL, YOU REALLY MAKE ME LAUGH.

1854. YOU'RE A VERY FUNNY MAN.

1855. YEAH, WELL, I'VE GOTTEN— I'VE GOTTEN

1856. SO THAT I DON'T WANNA STRANGLE YOU SO MUCH AS I USED TO.

1857. BUT—BUT, UH—YOU KNOW, REALLY,

1858. TAKE OFF, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA, YOU KNOW—

1859. I DON'T WANNA CHANGE MY MIND,

1860. BEAUTIFUL MAN, RICKY.

1861. I'M A DEAD MAN.

1862. ALL RIGHT.

1863. - AND CUE ANNOUNCER. - IT'S THE G SPOT!

1864. PHILOSOPHY, A HIGHER STATE

1865. AND NON-STOP SHOPPING!

1866. - HERE'S G! - FADE UP, CAMERA ONE. CUE G.

1867. G! G! G! G!

1868. HE'S ALWAYS FULL OF SURPRISES.

1869. SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE. HANG IN THERE, GUYS.

1870. HI, I'M RICKY HAYMAN.

1871. WHAT IS HE DOING?

1872. THANK YOU. AND G, UM, IS MY FRIEND.

1873. AND HE'S A SPECIAL FELLOW.

1874. - YEAH, I KNOW YOU GUYS KNOW THAT.

1875. THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE OR WHY YOU'RE WATCHING.

1876. BUT THAT'S ALSO THE REASON THAT, UM, I COULDN'T LET HIM DO THIS TONIGHT.

1877. SO—YEAH. I'M HERE TO APOLOGIZE

1878. 'CAUSE G AGREED TO CONTINUE DOIN' THIS SHOW IF I ASKED HIM TO,

1879. BUT I HAD TO, UH, LET HIM GO.

1880. LET HIM GO?

1881. IF HE CONTINUED ON HIS JOURNEY.

1882. AND IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN RIGHT OF ME TO KEEP HIM HERE.

1883. I MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW ME, BUT THIS IS— FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE,

1884. THE RIGHT THING.

1885. I MEAN, HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT WORLDWIDE AUDIENCES, CERTAINLY,

1886. OR FAME OR MONEY, FOR THAT MATTER, THAT'S ME.

1887. I'M, I'M GUILTY—

1888. GET ME SECURITY! I WANT HAYMAN OUT OF HERE! NOW!

1889. AS THE GIFT THAT IT IS.

1890. KILL THIS! YANK THAT SON OF A BITCH!

1891. OKAY. SURE. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO GO TO?

1892. ANYTHING!

1893. OKAY, SURE.

1894. OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. I'LL DO IT MYSELF, ASS-HOLES!

1895. REAL, REAL HARD.

1896. OF COURSE, I'M NOT G.

1897. I'M JUST A, A REGULAR, A REGULAR TYPE, BUT, UM, I THINK I'M FINALLY GETTIN' IT.

1898. OTHER PERSON LOVES YOU BACK.

1899. AND I HAD THAT.

1900. JUST A LITTLE BIT AGO.

1901. HER NAME'S KATE, AND, UH,

1902. TO DO WHAT WAS RIGHT.

1903. AND I DIDN'T LISTEN.

1904. AND I'M REAL, REAL SORRY THAT I DIDN'T DO THIS BEFORE.

1905. NOT THAT DOIN' THE RIGHT THING HASN'T COST ME.

1906. YOU KNOW, I'VE LOST MY JOB.

1907. YEAH, THE—

1908. THE SECOND G WAS OUT, SO WAS I, BUT, UM—

1909. YOU KNOW—HEY!

1910. LOOK, LOOK WHO'S THERE. YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?

1911. THAT'S, UH, MR. McBAINBRIDGE.

1912. OF MR. McBAINBRIDGE?

1913. TURN AROUND.

1914. WILL, CAN YOU PLEASE GET A SHOT OF MR. McBAINBRIDGE?

1915. THIS IS MY BOSS, OR MY EX-BOSS.

1916. NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, WAIT A SECOND.

1917. WAIT A SECOND.

1918. NO, NO, NO, DON'T BOO. DON'T BOO. HE'S NOT EVIL.

1919. HE'S JUST, UH, ALONE, I THINK.

1920. A HUG.

1921. IF YOU SEE THIS GUY ON THE STREET, GIVE HIM A HUG.

1922. OR, NO, BETTER YET, GIVE HIM A KISS.

1923. GIVE HIM A BIG KISS ON THE CHEEK.

1924. IT'LL HELP HIM.

1925. DON'T FIGHT HIM, MR. McBAINBRIDGE. AH, THEY'RE FIGHTING LIKE TWO BEARS.

1926. MR. McBAINBRIDGE. MR. McBAINBRIDGE.

1927. WE LOVE YOU, MR. McBAINBRIDGE. YES.

1928. OH, I LIKE YOU TOO. YOU TOO.

1929. YOU TOO. WHAT?

1930. SAY IT. YOU'RE ON TV. SAY.

1931. BARRY, THERE'S A CALL FOR RICKY.

1932. PUT IT THROUGH TO THE FLOOR. RICKY, YOU'VE GOT A PHONE CALL.

1933. I DO?

1934. SHOULD I TAKE A CALL? I—

1935. YES!

1936. OKAY. HELLO.

1937. THIS ISN'T FAIR.

1938. TO ANSWER YOU ON.

1939. - KATE? - IT'S KATE!

1940. YEAH!

1941. IT'S KATE. THAT'S NICE.

1942. YOU'VE BEEN SO PUBLIC ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. I WISH I COULD DO THE SAME.

1943. WELL, MAYBE QVC'll GIVE YOU A SHOW. WHERE ARE YOU?

1944. I'M IN THE CAR RACING TO GET TO YOU.

1945. WE LOST HER. HELLO? HELLO?

1946. HI, HI, THERE YOU ARE. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

1947. I'M SO CLOSE. I'M AT THE STUDIO. I'LL SEE YOU AT THE FRONT.

1948. I'LL SEE YOU AT THE FRONT DOOR.

1949. WHAT DO I DO?

1950. - WHAT DO WE DO? I DON'T KNOW. - STAY WITH HIM. STAY WITH HIM.

1951. I'M ON IT.

1952. BRUTUS, BRUTUS, YOU'RE MISSING ALL THE GOOD STUFF, BRUTUS.

1953. MOVE IT, MOVE IT!

1954. KATE!

1955. THEY'RE SO SWEET TOGETHER. YEAH.

1956. YEAH, OKAY. NOW MOVE AROUND.

1957. MOVE TO THE LEFT. MOVE TO THE LEFT. COME AROUND. COME AROUND LEFT.

1958. YEAH. OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. OH, THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S GREAT, GUYS.

1959. OH, THIS IS GREAT STUFF. THIS IS GREAT STUFF.

1960. COME HERE.

1961. OH, THEY'RE TAKING OFF.

1962. GO WITH THEM AGAIN. FOLLOW THEM AGAIN.

1963. KEEP GOIN', KEEP GOIN'. OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

1964. STAY WITH THEM. DON'T DO THAT!

1965. WAY TO GO, RICKY. WAY TO GO.

1966. I'M SORRY. IT DOESN'T MATTER.

1967. I'M SO SORRY. IT DOESN'T MATTER.

1968. I LOVE YOU.

1969. I LOVE YOU, KATE.

1970. GOOD-BYES ARE SO SAD.

1971. YES, SOME GOOD-BYES ARE VERY SAD.

1972. AND OTHER GOOD-BYES ARE LIKE, "HALLELUJAH, THAT PAJAMA-WEARING,

1973. URINE-SIPPING, FLOOR-SLEEPING FREAK HAS LEFT MY HOUSE FOREVER."

1974. THAT REALLY WAS HERBAL TEA, RIGHT?

1975. I DON'T KNOW, ROBERT.

1976. MAYBE YOU'LL COME BACK.

1977. YOU KNOW, WINTERS ARE REALLY GREAT DOWN HERE.

1978. WE'RE GONNA BE TOGETHER WHENEVER WE THINK ABOUT EACH OTHER.

1979. FOR ME, I PROMISE THAT'LL BE EVERY NIGHT.

1980. GOOD-BYES ARE SAD. ESPECIALLY THIS GOOD-BYE.

1981. I REALLY DON'T WANNA SAY GOOD-BYE. UH-UH.

1982. KATE.

1983. ROBERT RICKY.

1984. YOUR GOOD IS BETTER. YOUR BETTER IS BLESSED.