Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

1. Spare some change?

2. - (glass shatters) - (car alarm goes off)

3. - (man grunts) - Man: Come on!

4. Hit that fucker or something!

5. You boys wanna make my money, you better get more rowdy than this.

6. Hey! Hey you!

7. You wanna get in on this? Come on.

8. $10. $10.

9. Come on!

10. Ah, fuck you then!

11. You'll never make money without me.

12. All right. All right, let's see some blood.

13. That's it. That's it.

14. - Man: God damn it! - (woman screams)

15. - (gunshot) - Help me, they're coming after me!

16. Please!

17. Lady, please. Please untie me.

18. - Get this off me! - No no.

19. They're gonna fucking kill me. You've gotta help me here!

20. - Please! - My God, no!

21. Get this off my neck. Get back, don't leave me!

22. - Fuck! - (tires screeching)

23. You! Please! You've gotta help me here.

24. If you don't help me, my head is coming off my fucking body.

25. Please just untie me, that's it.

26. Oh brother of mine.

27. Look at you now. (laughs)

28. Boys, this isn't a joke anymore.

29. You weren't planning on leaving town without saying goodbye,

30. - were you? - Yeah, we've been looking all over for you.

31. I was getting worried. (laughs)

32. I'm your uncle. I've known you since you were fucking babies!

33. This cocksucker gave me the shittiest Christmas presents.

34. I hate Christmas.

35. You fucking brats! Fuck off!

36. Drake, stop this. We're family!

37. It's the rules, Logan.

38. You're our lucky contestant. (laughs)

39. No, please. Don't put me in there!

40. Show him how to play, boys.

41. Slick, you were always my favorite nephew, I swear to God I mean that.

42. Get your feet in that fucking death hole!

43. Fuck! (yells)

44. Ivan, my boy, I want everybody here to appreciate this.

45. Time to get the show on the road boy-o.

46. - (gunshots) - (crowd screaming)

47. All right, you fucking androids.

48. My father's got something he wants you all to see.

49. And I swear...

50. anybody looks away for even a second,

51. I'll make them wish they were fucking aborted.

52. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Drake Show.

53. Tonight's special episode is gonna be filled

54. with thrills and chills

55. and my own personal favorite...

56. lots and lots of that red shit

57. that flows inside all our bodies!

58. - Ivan? - Cheer, you fuckers!

59. - (cheering) - Thank you.

60. How can you watch and not do anything?

61. They're going to fucking kill me here!

62. Somebody say something! Don't just stand there!

63. - (groans) - You know,

64. ever since our mother brought Logan home from the hospital,

65. I knew he was a fucking coward.

66. I'll leave town!

67. You'll never fucking see me again.

68. Just please. I can't feel my legs, Drake.

69. He wants mercy from the Drake.

70. From the Drake?

71. And he should know better than anybody!

72. Mercy ain't my style.

73. What do you want from me?

74. Logan is no longer my brother.

75. Our relationship has been severed.

76. And now he's all alone in the world,

77. with nothing but a barbed-wire noose

78. around his neck. (laughs)

79. You can't let him do this! It's not just my life he's ruining.

80. Please! Help me!

81. Please!

82. You should have started begging a long time ago.

83. I have never enjoyed listening to you

84. as much as I do right now.

85. You're a fucking animal, Drake!

86. You're a shitty fucking weird little animal.

87. The way I see it,

88. I'm a fucking miracle worker,

89. because I am going to make it rain!

90. - Gun it, Slick! - (laughs)

91. - (screeching tires) - (yells)

92. Well, can you feel your legs now? Can you, huh?

93. A little something else you wanted to say to me?

94. Hmm? (laughs)

95. Well, thanks for tuning in, ladies and gentlemen.

96. Who knows, maybe next time

97. one of you will be our lucky contestant.

98. - (crowd clamors) - Enjoy the ride,

99. my favorite fucking uncle. (laughs)

100. Go the fuck home, everybody!

101. And don't forget to wash your dicks! (laughs)

102. - (murmuring) - (woman crying)

103. $49.99.

104. (sighs) God!

105. Ugh.

106. I dare you to lick his dick.

107. - (group laughing) - (spits)

108. (woman hollering) Whoo! Whoo!

109. You bastards!

110. Let me go, bastard! Freak!

111. Bastard! (screams)

112. - (rock music playing) - (screaming)

113. - (shouts) - (groans)

114. Hey Slick, you gotta check this out, man.

115. It's fucking awesome. (groans)

116. Hey, where the fuck are you going?

117. Business with Dad.

118. - (man laughs) - Ah!

119. Hey Otis, what are you playing?

120. Ah! I-I forgot, Slick. I spent all my money at the arcade.

121. You owe me money.

122. - You're burning me, Otis! - (whimpers)

123. Let me call my mom. I can get my allowance early.

124. Ooh, that must be some hell of an allowance, huh? (laughs)

125. Come on, man, he's a kid.

126. - (whimpers) - Let it slide.

127. - What did you say to me? - You heard me.

128. - Let it slide. - Shh shh shh.

129. The only thing I'm gonna let slide

130. is my dick in your pussy.

131. - (whimpers) - Hey, Otie.

132. - Where you going? - Don't hurt me, lvan!

133. - Shut the fuck up! - (rips)

134. - Did that hurt? - No.

135. Do you wanna know how to never feel pain again?

136. No, I don't want any more!

137. - (crying continues) - Does everybody wanna know

138. how to never feel pain again?

139. Come on, Otis!

140. - Have at it! - (groans, chokes)

141. You know how I can tell I'm making you wet?

142. (groans) No.

143. Because you're making my dick thirsty.

144. What are you supposed to be?

145. Some kind of badass murderer or something?

146. Why? Does that frighten you?

147. If you've got money to spend, nothing frightens me.

148. Baby, I've got all kinds of money with your name written all over it.

149. Well, what are you waiting for?

150. Let's go.

151. Awesome.

152. Nobody messes with you, do they?

153. Not if they give a fuck about living.

154. (snickers) So how many people have you killed?

155. What am I? A mathematician?

156. - You're too sexy for that? - You're fucking right.

157. Are we gonna fuck or what?

158. - (door clanks open) - (motor running)

159. - What the hell? - That's your ride, bitch.

160. - Come on. - This was not our fucking deal!

161. I'm paying you good money. You're gonna love this!

162. Let the girl go, punk!

163. I'm making a citizen's arrest.

164. Huh.

165. And who the fuck are you?

166. Put the knife away, kid.

167. Or I'll use it to cut welfare checks

168. from your rotten skin.

169. Well, you better cut one to Mother Teresa

170. so you can give it to her while she's finger-banging you in hell.

171. - (yelling) - Shut your filthy mouth!

172. Mother Teresa is a goddamn saint!

173. Serves you right.

174. What did you think?

175. He was gonna put a ring on your finger?

176. Lock him up with the sodomites

177. and get me the goddamned chief of police now.

178. Good day, sir.

179. No, please take a seat.

180. I don't think I've seen you around here before.

181. Let me guess... you rode in on the rail?

182. - That's right. - Aha.

183. So I understand you've been having a little bit of difficulty

184. with one of our young men.

185. I think you're gonna need a lot of dump trucks.

186. Dump trucks?

187. I-I don't follow you.

188. You get out there, get all the criminals, put 'em in dump trucks,

189. take 'em to a landfill site and bury them.

190. Put 'em in the ground!

191. I'm not too sure

192. I know what you're trying to say here, sir.

193. What I'm trying to say is

194. that people don't go bad like they do here.

195. (whispers) Yeah.

196. Look, if I'm being honest,

197. I can't argue with anything you say.

198. Crime in this city has become an embarrassment.

199. I've been suspecting some of my boys are working with Drake.

200. Can't see things getting this much out of hand

201. unless some of my officers are giving that maniac

202. a free rein.

203. So thank God for honest people like yourself.

204. You better get those officers and send them packing,

205. and start this whole operation all over again.

206. Between you and me,

207. I'd love to bring a wrecking ball down on Drake.

208. And he might as well be king around here.

209. Kings fall. You ought to read a history book, Chief.

210. Now I gave you this little bastard. Put him away for life.

211. Well, we're certainly gonna see what we can do about that.

212. By the way, did anybody officially welcome you to town yet?

213. - They never do. - Ah.

214. Well, welcome to Fucktown!

215. - (groans) - Hold still, you slimy maggot!

216. - (mutters) - Get off me!

217. These two are the princes of Fucktown! (laughs)

218. - Any idea what we should do to him, Slick? - Yeah, hold him still.

219. (yells) You're a damn kid.

220. I'm gonna carve a billboard into his chest.

221. You better get that knife away from me!

222. - (groans) - Ivan: Easy, Slick.

223. I think you might be hurting him. (laughs)

224. Jesus. God, boys, whatever happened to delicacy and finesse?

225. This is so you'll never forget what you are.

226. I thought this was a police station.

227. Not a fucking circus.

228. I just wanted to help.

229. Ah-hh. (groans)

230. And don't forget, you fucking piece of shit,

231. that everyday is garbage day

232. for street trash like you.

233. Yes.

234. Man in car: Hey.

235. You're so hot you make me want to cut my dick off

236. - and rub it all over your titties. - (snickers)

237. Why don't you just calm down and tell me what you're looking for?

238. I was hoping to keep it a surprise.

239. I've had enough surprises tonight.

240. Quit wasting my time. What's it gonna be?

241. Come on, Abby, I'm a regular.

242. Nothing about you is regular.

243. Hey, look, I'm the one with the money

244. and you're the one selling your hole.

245. - I know that, sweetie, - Yeah.

246. I'd love to take your money.

247. - Why don't you just tell me what you're after? - (woman groans)

248. Fuck it. Just give me the regular plus 10%.

249. Okay.

250. I'm gonna make you love the taste of my rot!

251. What the fuck? Get the fuck off me, you fucker!

252. Oh my God.

253. (whispers) Help me.

254. I could use a drink right now.

255. Do you mind?

256. I really appreciate you helping me out today.

257. If it wasn't for you, who knows,

258. I'd probably be dead in a ditch somewhere.

259. I see you have an empty picture frame here.

260. Why don't you put...

261. a picture of your family in there,

262. or a dog or a cat.

263. I don't really have anything worth remembering.

264. Right.

265. You seem like a smart and intelligent girl.

266. You should be teaching,

267. tell people about beautiful things and miracles.

268. You're obviously not from here.

269. I'm not from anywhere.

270. Yeah, well, I fuck for a living.

271. And believe me, I don't have a lot of other options.

272. Right.

273. Well, I wouldn't know about that shit.

274. Hey, take it easy.

275. I think I'm okay now.

276. I just...

277. tell my brain

278. when I know I'm hurting,

279. I just say, "I got nothing for you, buddy.

280. Nothing to make it go away,

281. so just go to hell."

282. And he goes.

283. He's like a brother to me now

284. and brothers fight sometimes.

285. Well,

286. I think it's time to put you and your brother to bed.

287. Come on.

288. No, I'm not gonna stay here.

289. I'm gonna go. It's all right.

290. No no, it's okay.

291. I want you to.

292. It's a good one.

293. Come on.

294. Well, I don't even remember when I slept in a real bed.

295. I am tired.

296. I didn't get your name.

297. It's Abby.

298. Here.

299. Put this on so you don't get blood on my sheets.

300. Oh, thank you.

301. Oh,

302. I like that.

303. (sniffs) This is good.

304. Thank you.

305. Well, Abby, can I...

306. tell you something about bears?

307. Sure.

308. (mutters) All right.

309. The bear is a solitary animal.

310. They like their space.

311. They live in a magic circle.

312. They don't mind if you're like a mile away,

313. but if you get inside their circle,

314. they will maul you.

315. If a bear's claw would ever strike your face,

316. it would take your whole face right off your skull...

317. your eyes, your nose, your lips,

318. everything.

319. And you would die from it.

320. Wow. (snickers)

321. I didn't know bears could be so vicious.

322. They are wild animals.

323. There's something else about bears

324. not many people know.

325. If a bear gets hooked

326. on the taste of human blood,

327. he becomes a man killer.

328. He'll go on a rampage

329. and has to be destroyed.

330. And that's...

331. why you should never hug a bear.

332. (woman shouts) What? What?

333. Give me my fucking money!

334. You give me my money!

335. You fucking little bitch!

336. I'll shove that money up your...

337. - Move, bitch! - (shouting continues)

338. Do your hustle.

339. Make you feel it.

340. - (wicked laughter) - Boy: Help!

341. Don't let him take me!

342. Help me, someone. Help!

343. (man laughs) Beautiful.

344. Beautiful. I love your work.

345. Hey!

346. Back for that $10,

347. eh, dirtbag?

348. You're right.

349. Yeah! (laughs)

350. Beautiful.

351. I'm only giving you 20 for that one, buddy.

352. Now get down on your knees.

353. Go on.

354. - Down you go. - (sighs)

355. Now I want you to start chewing the glass.

356. What?

357. I want you to start eating that glass.

358. Go on. Don't even bother looking at this

359. until you start chewing.

360. Go on.

361. That's it. (laughs)

362. That's it.

363. Oh, now smile for the camera.

364. (laughs) Holy shit.

365. This is fucking gold!

366. Now...

367. pick it up with your mouth.

368. (whispers) That's it.

369. Oh oh oh.

370. Good dog. You earned your money today.

371. Yeah.

372. Ah.

373. Yeah, you heard me right, I want four big fucking dogs.

374. Uh-huh, yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. And shave them first.

375. Lady... lady, I don't trade for babies.

376. If you're looking for jewelry, you gotta cough it up.

377. Hmm.

378. All right, everyone!

379. This is a goddamn fucking robbery!

380. - (man laughs) - (woman screams)

381. - (screaming) - (child crying)

382. Okay, this guy, this guy...

383. he is a great babysitter!

384. Don't worry about Junior.

385. I'll look after him! (laughs)

386. Give me the fucking money or I'll slit her goddamn throat!

387. - Okay okay. - What are you waiting for?

388. Fucking kill her! Kill the fucking baby!

389. Here it is, here it comes. There it is. All right.

390. Old man, you've got five seconds to give me what I want

391. or I will end her life.

392. Put your hands in the cash register!

393. Give me more, you piece of shit!

394. - That's it. That's it. That's everything. - One!

395. - No. - Two!

396. - Faster, come on! - Three!

397. No! (screaming)

398. Come on! Four!

399. Just fucking kill her already!

400. - (whacks) - I'm gonna sleep in your bloody carcasses tonight!

401. - (grunts) - Jesus Christ!

402. You vultures...

403. circle this city

404. tearing off the flesh from everything that is innocent.

405. - (clicks) - (sobs)

406. Please don't shoot me. I didn't even hurt her.

407. I want you out of this city...

408. you and your grave-robbing friends.

409. Spread the word.

410. - No! - (gunshot)

411. Pay guns!

412. Keep the change.

413. Oh fuck!

414. - (gunshot) - (screams)

415. - Where's the tape? - Leave me alone, man.

416. - Take it out. - (whimpering continues)

417. Now you put it in your mouth

418. and eat it!

419. Stupid fucking bitch!

420. Stop wasting your time doing homework.

421. Get up on the block and make me some money.

422. Come on, baby.

423. Show daddy you ain't mad at me and give me a kiss.

424. Listen. Go home to someone who loves you.

425. - Now! - (screams)

426. And you... you're fucked.

427. - (screaming continues) - (gunshot)

428. - (groaning) - (man laughing)

429. Fuck 'em.

430. Read 'em and fucking weep!

431. You can have the fucking bitches. (laughs)

432. - Happy Valentine's Day, you fucking sluts! - (whimpering)

433. - Kill him! Fucking kill him! Kill him! - (gun clicks)

434. - Hallelujah. - (women screaming)

435. - (cocks gun) - (screaming continues)

436. I'm gonna come down both your chimneys

437. and give you a big present.

438. Jerk on this, you child-molesting shitlicker.

439. Ah!

440. Night watches and other anticrime groups

441. have been springing up all throughout the city,

442. and their inspiration is this brave,

443. yet still unidentified homeless man

444. who has been delivering justice one shell at a time.

445. - (gunshot) - Man: Fuck!

446. - (man screaming) - A shotgun?

447. This town is impressed by a homeless man

448. - with a fucking shotgun? - Ow!

449. - (women laughing) - Where's the creativity in that?

450. So what happened to you? School bully get your lunch money?

451. I don't want to talk about it.

452. Look, Slick, don't make me mad. Tell me who did this to you.

453. I don't know. Some bum.

454. Some bum!

455. Have you been watching the fucking news lately? Huh?

456. Don't worry, Dad, we carved that fucker up.

457. You carved him up.

458. Somebody does this to your brother

459. and you treat him like a jack-o'-lantern. Put your head on the table.

460. Head down now!

461. - (man yells) - Don't worry, son.

462. Everybody gets knocked out once in a while.

463. Really?

464. Have you ever been knocked out?

465. - (women laughing) - Fuck no.

466. I'm the Drake. Who's gonna fuck with me? (laughs)

467. I'm Slick! No one's supposed to fuck with me either!

468. Listen, you've got a lot of potential...

469. way more than your brother.

470. Head down.

471. Maybe even more potential than me eventually,

472. but first you've got to learn to think bigger.

473. Bigger?

474. I'll crucify him to a homeless shelter.

475. That's revenge. Don't look for revenge.

476. Look for people's fear.

477. Okay, fear. I'll cut a hole in his body.

478. I'll make them watch as I spread his intestines out all over the street.

479. Well, you be ugly, you be hateful when you do that,

480. some will fear you...

481. Slick, I wanna fear you,

482. but I don't.

483. You've got to show me

484. that you can scare the shit out of everybody!

485. So why don't you unlock that imagination of yours

486. and give them a show that is so fierce

487. that everybody in this town

488. will remember your name forever.

489. What should I do?

490. Well,

491. you need to figure that out for yourself,

492. but I can give you one sweet morsel of advice.

493. When life gives you razor blades,

494. you make a baseball bat

495. covered in razor blades.

496. Hyah!

497. - (school bell ringing) - (kids clamoring, laughing)

498. Do you kids like school?

499. Hey, I asked you a question.

500. Do you kids like school?

501. - All: Yeah! - What about ice cream?

502. - Do you kids like ice cream? - Yeah!

503. - Huh? And bicycles! Yeah. - Yeah!

504. And hobos?

505. - Yeah! - I hate hobos.

506. After a horrific act of arson this afternoon,

507. a school bus was found burning.

508. There were an undisclosed number of children on board.

509. And there were no survivors.

510. Again, we regret to inform you

511. that only the charred bodies

512. of many many burnt children

513. remain.

514. - (gasping) - Hey, all you kids out there.

515. How are you doing today? Good?

516. (laughs) Great. Guess what?

517. I've got something very very special

518. to share with you today. Are you ready?

519. Yeah yeah, come on up to the screen, kids.

520. Let go of your mommy and daddy's hands.

521. - Come, come on, it's okay. - Get as close to the TV as you can.

522. - Do you see this? - (gasping)

523. This is what you get if you wanna follow a beggar instead of the Drake!

524. Now it's time to play a new game.

525. It's called gutter tag.

526. - (whimpers) - It's very very easy.

527. And every single one of you gets to play!

528. All you homeless people, you're it.

529. Everyone else, you get to kill them...

530. all of them. Otherwise...

531. We're going to kill the rest of your children!

532. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, one more thing

533. before you continue on your busy day:

534. I want that Hobo's head on my wall.

535. And whoever brings him to me,

536. gets all my broads!

537. (laughs) Oh, you're gonna like 'em!

538. - (tone) - (gasps)

539. Grab your guns, boys! Grab your fucking guns.

540. We've got homeless to kill. So let's go make some dead bodies.

541. At least he's only shooting the dirty cops.

542. We're all dirty cops.

543. - Man: Get him! - Man #2: Get him!

544. - (motor revving) - (clamoring)

545. You uh...

546. you ever sleep with a prostitute, kid?

547. No, sir.

548. Fuck, she's so hot.

549. I'd eat the peanuts out of her shit.

550. (laughs) Come on, what the fuck is wrong with you?

551. This conversation is disgusting.

552. Well, you can't beat your wife

553. like you can beat a whore.

554. See, that's what I love about them.

555. Tell you what, we'll go splits on this one.

556. You're joking, right?

557. Hey, hey, Abby.

558. Fuck,

559. I love the smell of your asshole.

560. Why don't you get in here and take me for a ride?

561. My legs are closed for the night.

562. Maybe we should get back to work.

563. Yeah, you get back to the fucking station.

564. Get the fuck out of here!

565. Come here, baby!

566. - No! - Baby doll.

567. I am gonna break your legs off

568. - to get at your sweetness. - (sobbing)

569. - Don't hurt me. I'll do anything! - (unzips fly)

570. That's not even a fucking option.

571. Now I'll tell you what... you make sure

572. that I enjoy what you give me

573. and I'll make sure

574. that you can still crawl home when I'm done.

575. Oh, come on now. I know you want it.

576. - No! - (zips fly)

577. You little fucking whore.

578. Step away from the girl.

579. I'm a cop!

580. - Don't do anything fucking stupid! - Shut up!

581. Look at her.

582. What do you see?

583. I don't know, man.

584. She's... she's just a fuck tube.

585. She is a teacher!

586. She despises you.

587. And so do I!

588. Stop! Stop!

589. What are you doing?

590. Let me walk you home!

591. Why are you out so late? It's dangerous!

592. Why are you doing this?

593. - (clamoring) - Shit.

594. I heard a gunshot! Come on, let's go!

595. - (groans) - What are you doing? You can't kill them.

596. I'm cleaning the streets from the shit.

597. And the smell makes me sick.

598. They're not bad people. They're just scared.

599. You're not afraid of what they'll do to us

600. - when they come here? - (pants)

601. We have to figure something out.

602. He shot him! The Hobo shot him!

603. He's back there!

604. Mom, I need my allowance early this week.

605. I just do!

606. - Okay, come on. Come on. - (insect buzzes)

607. You're pretty sick, you know that?

608. Come on, we gotta go.

609. Damn it! Ah!

610. I gotta go, Mom.

611. Where the hell were you going

612. - when you left here? - When?

613. Come on, man, I let you sleep in my bed.

614. Tell me where you went.

615. I just wanted to buy a lawnmower.

616. Wait,

617. you wanted to buy a lawnmower?

618. Oh, yeah. After all those years living

619. in box cars and on the streets,

620. I thought I might start up my own business.

621. That's what we'll do.

622. I've got my own slogan.

623. You grow it, I cut it.

624. You grow it, we cut it.

625. We'll get out of this town and go somewhere

626. where they have nice big lawns to mow.

627. This isn't the only place grass grows.

628. - Are you serious? - Yeah.

629. First I gotta wash this guy's asshole off my face.

630. Slick! Slick!

631. Slick, they're in there! Do you need any backup?

632. - I could join your gang. - Shut up, Otis. Now fucking beat it!

633. - You're pissing me off. - (laughs)

634. Jesus Christ. Ivan, you're going to ruin your fucking skates.

635. I ruin everything! (laughs)

636. Let's fuck.

637. Macaroni, beans, I don't know.

638. - What would you take? - Why are you in such a rush?

639. You just shot a fucking cop.

640. Everybody wants to kill you.

641. Oh, all right.

642. We need a blanket. It's gonna get cold at night.

643. - And uh, some matches. - I don't have much money.

644. All right.

645. Don't worry about the money. We'll hop on a train.

646. We'll get a job somewhere and we'll start saving up.

647. No no. No no no. No TV. We've gotta travel light.

648. Right. Fuck TV!

649. - (shatters) - None of this shit.

650. Just take what you need.

651. Okay, I think I'm ready.

652. Okay, I'm ready too.

653. Hah, whoo!

654. It's a beautiful day for a skate rape!

655. (softly) Is there another way out?

656. Whoo!

657. Do you fucking see me?

658. Do you fucking hear me?

659. Do you fucking...

660. feel me?

661. Why don't you get up, beggar,

662. and beg me for your fucking life?

663. - Hyah! - (groans)

664. Do you fucking fear me?

665. Fuck you! (screams)

666. - My face! - (screaming continues)

667. Don't kill that fuck without me.

668. Turn that whore into a baby factory. (laughs)

669. - Ah! - (groans)

670. Hit me again, motherfucker! In my fucking face!

671. I'm gonna wash this blood off with your blood.

672. - Get away from me! - Yeah?

673. No! (sobs)

674. (cries) Don't kill me. Don't.

675. But I love murder.

676. Come on, Grandpa, play with me.

677. Fucking play with me, Grandpa.

678. Fuck. (grunts)

679. Yeah! Now we're getting rowdy! (laughs)

680. Hyah!

681. (softly) Abigail.

682. Shh shh shh.

683. You!

684. Do you know me?

685. He made me come! Oh my God!

686. Slick, what the fuck is going on in there?

687. You better be killing that fucking hobo!

688. - Get the fuck out of here, lvan. - Now!

689. Bro?

690. All right, you scum carving fuck.

691. - I'm sorry. Please. - I'm gonna make you regret a whole lot of living

692. and teach you some respect!

693. All right, man, you win. You win.

694. Just tell me what you want. My dad owns this fucking town.

695. I bet there's not one human being in this town

696. whose life you haven't ruined.

697. Please please, don't shoot my dick off, okay?

698. I'm young. I've got too much fucking left to do.

699. - Please! - Goddamn it, boy!

700. No-oo!

701. I'm gonna get you to a doctor!

702. - (rings) - Just give me the fucking phone.

703. - What? - Dad.

704. (groaning) My bo... my whole body hurts, Dad...

705. - everywhere. - Slick?

706. Where are you? What happened?

707. He shot my dick off!

708. Tell me where you are. I'll come and get you.

709. I'm not gonna make it, Dad.

710. I'm dying. I'm dying.

711. Slick boy, you...

712. you're... you're tough. I'm... I'm so proud of you.

713. You're the toughest kid I know.

714. Thank you.

715. Hey Dad...

716. you were a pretty rad father.

717. Slick.

718. Slick?

719. Slick!

720. - Hobo: You. - (gasps)

721. Fix this girl.

722. - Now! - (gasps)

723. - Stop! You can't do that! - Just fix her!

724. Shit!

725. Summon the Plague.

726. Tell them to bring me that hobo.

727. Check the vitals.

728. Blood pressure declining rapidly.

729. Stay with us honey. Come on, stay with us.

730. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be all right.

731. - (nurse whimpering) - (rapid beeping)

732. - (monitor flatlining) - She's fucking dying!

733. - Come on! Stay with me! - (man grunts)

734. Live! Live, you fucking whore!

735. Come on!

736. That's it. Come on. Stay with me.

737. - Stay with me. - (Abby coughs)

738. Hey you.

739. (softly) Welcome back.

740. It's good to see you.

741. I wanted to give you something.

742. They're beautiful.

743. Just to make sure you don't forget me.

744. Where are you going?

745. I have to get back to work.

746. Please don't.

747. You should put them in your classroom.

748. They'll be good by the window.

749. You know I'm not really a schoolteacher, right?

750. - (sighs) - You do,

751. right?

752. Yeah.

753. But everybody...

754. ought to have a dream.

755. You can't solve all the world's problems with a shotgun.

756. (softly) It's all I know.

757. (whispers) Yeah.

758. (snickers) A long time ago...

759. I was one of you.

760. You're all brand new and perfect...

761. no mistakes, no regret.

762. People look at you

763. and think of how wonderful your future will be.

764. They want you to be something special,

765. like a doctor

766. or a lawyer.

767. I hate to tell you this,

768. but if you grow up here, you're more likely

769. to wind up selling your bodies on the streets

770. or shooting dope from dirty needles

771. - in a bus stop. - (baby crying)

772. And if you're successful,

773. you'll make money

774. selling junk to crackheads.

775. And you won't think twice about killing someone's wife

776. because you won't even know

777. what was wrong in the first place.

778. Or maybe...

779. you'll end up like me...

780. a hobo with a shotgun.

781. I hope you can do better.

782. (whispers) You are the future.

783. That's it!

784. I am sick and tired

785. of you fucking junkies!

786. Whoa.

787. Oh. (groaning)

788. What's going on?

789. (softly) Abby!

790. Abby?

791. (whispers) Abby, come on.

792. Ah! Oh!

793. Psst.

794. You got a match?

795. Mm. (blows)

796. Ah, the Plague. You guys fucking rock!

797. (low monstrous voice) Do you want to see him?

798. (sighs) No, I trust you guys.

799. (sniffs) I can fucking smell him from here.

800. Take him to the truck.

801. You know, I almost feel sad for you.

802. You're in the shadow of your brother.

803. And you're just a little tiny thug.

804. A thug?

805. Listen, you homeless piece of shit,

806. I'm the only son Drake has left!

807. And you know what that means?

808. That means I run the fucking show!

809. I'm gonna show everybody.

810. They're gonna fear the fuck out of me!

811. In fact, they're gonna make comic books

812. out of my hate crimes!

813. I promise you when I get out of here,

814. I'm gonna bite your face off.

815. That's funny 'cause I promised myself

816. I would bash your fucking teeth in

817. and make a chainsaw out of them.

818. (coughs) Fucker.

819. Hold it right there, lady.

820. What the hell do you think you're doing?

821. You want to know if I'm homeless so you can kill me?

822. Yeah, are you?

823. Some people got a bed to sleep on

824. where they can crawl under the covers and have a good night's rest.

825. But other people, they don't got beds at all.

826. Instead, they gotta find an alleyway or a park bench

827. where some fucker's not gonna stab them.

828. Just 'cause they don't got beds doesn't mean they're homeless.

829. 'Cause guess what, they've got the biggest home of any of us.

830. - (sirens blasting) - It's called "the streets"!

831. And right now we're all standing in their home,

832. so maybe we should show them some goddamn respect.

833. If this is their home,

834. they've got a right to keep it clean, don't they?

835. Sometimes on the streets

836. a broom just ain't gonna fucking cut it.

837. - That's when you gotta get a shotgun! - (all gasp)

838. So if you want to kill me, go ahead.

839. But I'll warn you: From where I'm standing,

840. things are looking real fucking filthy!

841. Ladies and gentlemen,

842. welcome back

843. to the Drake Show!

844. Yeah! That's how you cheer, you fucking creatures.

845. - Whoo! - Thank you, thank you.

846. Thank you, everybody.

847. Tonight I have a special treat

848. for you all... the culmination

849. of one of the bloodiest spectacles we have ever witnessed.

850. Everybody, please a round of applause

851. for the team that made this possible...

852. - the Plague! - (cheering)

853. Now

854. I want you all to meet our special guest,

855. a man I'm sure you've all heard about.

856. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado,

857. let's bring on the man of the hour,

858. the one responsible for the death

859. of my favorite son.

860. And here he is,

861. a worthless homeless

862. piece of shit.

863. Get your hands off me, demons!

864. You're crushing my smokes.

865. When God lost His son,

866. He knew He'd get him back in a few days.

867. He didn't have to mourn, not for a single second.

868. But I know I can't get my son back.

869. So what does that make me,

870. when I know more about pain

871. than the most powerful being in the universe?

872. You're a fool

873. and a shitty father.

874. Take him to the glory hole.

875. Look up at all those people.

876. I'm their god.

877. They fear me more than anything.

878. And that fear

879. is what saves their lives every day.

880. If I want something from them, I take it.

881. If they try to fight back, I kill them.

882. - Fucker. - They live to please me.

883. Because if they don't,

884. I'd cut off their fucking heads!

885. - (cheering) - (yells)

886. Well, now you look scared.

887. Drake,

888. eventually,

889. evil will turn against evil.

890. It'll wipe itself out...

891. leaving nothing but wreckage

892. and fucked-up memories.

893. - (monster mutters) - (groans)

894. Every time I find somebody like you

895. who wants to be a hero,

896. who wants to fuck with me and stop my show,

897. I send 'em

898. straight to hell.

899. What the...

900. Let him go, Drake,

901. or I'll chop your boy to pieces.

902. Abby.

903. I mean it!

904. I'll mulch this fucker in the ground.

905. What do you think?

906. Replaceable.

907. (chuckles) Dad,

908. I'm the only son you have left. Quit fucking around.

909. Sorry, boy,

910. but you've just never had that much potential.

911. - (cheering) - (Drake laughs)

912. No one upstages the Drake!

913. Do you see what I mean, folks?

914. I provide you with nothing but the highest-quality,

915. adrenaline-filled

916. family entertainment!

917. - (screams) - (engine revs)

918. Okay, Rip, let's get us some Hobo head!

919. - Mm. Ooh! - (screeching tires)

920. - Ah. - (booing)

921. - Let's go home. - Get this off me.

922. - (screams) - You wanna be the star of this show?

923. Well, I'll make you shine.

924. You take your dirty hands off her, you bastard!

925. I'd love to just shoot her but my audience,

926. they expect more. (laughs)

927. - Get your hands off me! - Settle down, honey.

928. This will be the best trick you ever gave.

929. - Stop! - Oh yeah.

930. - Let's start with a nose job, huh? - No!

931. Bleed, baby baby.

932. - Whoa. Ah! - (screaming continues)

933. - Get me out of this hole! - How?

934. - Uh, pull my hair! - What?

935. My hair. Pull it. Pull it!

936. Harder. Harder!

937. - Untie me. - (sobbing)

938. Demon's coming back.

939. She killed Grinder.

940. Now she must take his place in the Plague.

941. She's not going anywhere, buddy.

942. Listen to me.

943. You can't fall asleep now.

944. You hear me?

945. Listen,

946. there's one more thing I have to do.

947. No. I just...

948. (sobs) I just wanna go to the zoo and...

949. and see the bears with you.

950. Don't... don't leave.

951. Don't leave.

952. Bears don't belong in a zoo.

953. (Drake groans) Stupid fucking bitch.

954. I'm gonna get to find her.

955. I'm gonna come back. I'm gonna kill her

956. and I'm gonna cut his fucking nuts off

957. and stick 'em up his fucking mouth!

958. Show's over.

959. You know,

960. except for killing my son,

961. you made my town a lot more interesting.

962. You're so fucking crazy.

963. I would have been your biggest fan,

964. - you worthless street rat. - (sirens blaring)

965. Drop the fucking gun,

966. you cocksucking garbage bag.

967. Come on, come on, go, move move.

968. Flank to the right, sir.

969. They're gonna shoot him!

970. Put it down and walk away.

971. It's your only chance to leave alive!

972. You wanna die for a town

973. that never gave a fuck about you?

974. - (snickers) - You'll never beat the Drake.

975. This town worships me.

976. Boys, if he shoots, kill the fucker.

977. Whoa, what the fuck are you doing!

978. Get back inside, everybody.

979. - (shouting continues) - Put your weapons down!

980. I said put those fucking weapons down!

981. (man yelling) Back the fuck up!

982. Okay, get rid of these fucking animals now.

983. You fuckers!

984. You and me are going on a car ride to hell.

985. You're gonna miss me.

986. You're riding shotgun.

987. (shrieks) No-oo!