1. I heard Magnum condoms
are basicallyCopy !req
2. the same size
as regular condoms.Copy !req
3. Mmm-mmm.Copy !req
4. Which makes you
think, like,Copy !req
5. what else do we believe
just because of marketing?Copy !req
6. Like, if you grew up
being toldCopy !req
7. the Book of Mormon is fake,Copy !req
8. you'd probably believe
it was fake 'causeCopy !req
9. that's what you were told.Copy !req
10. No, Magnums are huge.Copy !req
11. My sister said her ex-husband
had a scary big peen,Copy !req
12. like, frighteningly big,
and they had to wear Magnums.Copy !req
13. Sounds made up.Copy !req
14. Elephant trunk.Copy !req
15. Yup.
That's what she would call it.Copy !req
16. I was
watching this video,Copy !req
17. I'm not sure where I saw it.Copy !req
18. It was these two people
having intercourse,Copy !req
19. um, sexual intercourse,Copy !req
20. sex, and, uh,
and a cameraman filming them.Copy !req
21. Like an amateur
porno... nography type thing?Copy !req
22. Um, and the girl in the video
was moaning loudly,Copy !req
23. as in typical, I assume,
in that kind of video.Copy !req
24. Just screaming.Copy !req
25. And then, all of a sudden,Copy !req
26. off camera, in the hallway,Copy !req
27. you hear this lady yell,
through the wall,Copy !req
28. "We can hear you!"Copy !req
29. And the couple stop sex-ing.Copy !req
30. And the look of embarrassment
and horror on their facesCopy !req
31. was so painful.Copy !req
32. And the porno-girl
who's, like,Copy !req
33. taking it from behind-ish,
says something defiant, like,Copy !req
34. "Good!" under her breath,Copy !req
35. but you can literally
see her soulCopy !req
36. being sucked out of her body,
right then and there.Copy !req
37. All of her dignity gone,Copy !req
38. as if realizing
for the first time, like,Copy !req
39. "Wow, this is my life,Copy !req
40. "I'm f-ing a stranger
on camera for money."Copy !req
41. And I just thought,Copy !req
42. "Like, wow,
that is really poignant."Copy !req
43. Because, like, in that moment,Copy !req
44. I was like, "Yeah."Copy !req
45. God's real.Copy !req
46. We have souls.Copy !req
47. It's divine confirmation.Copy !req
48. Do you watch a lot of...Copy !req
49. No! I do not! No.Copy !req
50. - I do not watch porno-ography.
- Okay, okay.Copy !req
51. No.Copy !req
52. - It's okay.
- No! I said no!Copy !req
53. - I'm not!
- Mmm-hmm. I know.Copy !req
54. - Not a pornography watcher.
- Okay. Okay.Copy !req
55. Oh, I hope this goes well.Copy !req
56. I know it's not a competition,Copy !req
57. but I haven't baptized
a single investigatorCopy !req
58. on my mission yet.Copy !req
59. It's okay,
I've only converted,Copy !req
60. - like, eight or nine people.
- Eight or nine?Copy !req
61. Balls.Copy !req
62. Anyway, what do you think
about what I was saying?Copy !req
63. The porno thing?Copy !req
64. Like...Copy !req
65. How has God shown you
that the church is true?Copy !req
66. I don't know.
I guess I haven't really...Copy !req
67. I haven't really
thought about it.Copy !req
68. But you know it's true.Copy !req
69. If ye receive
no witnessCopy !req
70. until after the trial
of your faith...Copy !req
71. If ye receive no witness...Copy !req
72. Who do we have...Copy !req
73. after this couple again?Copy !req
74. I think we have
the bald guy we met at Costco.Copy !req
75. Okay. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
76. Okay, for every flight
of stairs...Copy !req
77. Yeah?
our husbandCopy !req
78. gets five times hotter.Copy !req
79. Hi, good afternoon, ma'am.
My name is Sister Barnes,Copy !req
80. and this is my companion,
Sister Paxton.Copy !req
81. Are you interested in learningCopy !req
82. about our savior,
Jesus Christ?Copy !req
83. Okay.Copy !req
84. - Hi!
- Good afternoon.Copy !req
85. - Hi, are you interest...
- My name is, uh,Copy !req
86. Sister Barnes, and...Copy !req
87. You ever feel
like when you sing,Copy !req
88. it's, like,
too high or too low?Copy !req
89. I don't really
like to sing.Copy !req
90. I think you have
a beautiful voice.Copy !req
91. I know I don't have
a beautiful voice, but...Copy !req
92. No, you do. You do.Copy !req
93. I enjoy it.Copy !req
94. Oh, my gosh.
I already love these girls.Copy !req
95. Hey...Copy !req
96. Sorry!Copy !req
97. Sorry! Can we get a pic?Copy !req
98. Oh, of course!Copy !req
99. Uh, here.Copy !req
100. - Is it true?
- Is what true?Copy !req
101. - Do you wear magic underwear?
- What?Copy !req
102. Oh, my gosh!
Come on, let's go.Copy !req
103. This is it.Copy !req
104. People think we're weird.Copy !req
105. What do you mean?Copy !req
106. I don't know.
That South Park musicalCopy !req
107. kind of makes fun of us.Copy !req
108. I listened
to some of the songs,Copy !req
109. and they're actually
pretty funny.Copy !req
110. Anyway, who...
who cares what people think?Copy !req
111. You're awesome.Copy !req
112. Thanks.Copy !req
113. Hi, I'm Sister Paxton. Hi.Copy !req
114. Hello, I'm Sister Paxton.
This is my companion,Copy !req
115. Sister Barnes.Copy !req
116. God chooses prophets,Copy !req
117. such as Adam,Copy !req
118. Noah, Abraham and Moses.Copy !req
119. The prophets teach about God
and receive revelation.Copy !req
120. All right.Copy !req
121. Let's get you a baptism.Copy !req
122. Okay.Copy !req
123. Ah!Copy !req
124. Good afternoon.Copy !req
125. - Hi.
- Good afternoon.Copy !req
126. - Hi.
- Good afternoon.Copy !req
127. I'm Sister Paxton, and this is
my companion, Sister Barnes.Copy !req
128. Um, are you Mr. Reed?Copy !req
129. I am. Hello to you.Copy !req
130. - Hello. Wait.
- Hi.Copy !req
131. You are Paxton,
you are Barnes.Copy !req
132. - Barnes?
- Um, no. I'm...Copy !req
133. - Paxton, Barnes.
- Barnes, yes.Copy !req
134. - Paxton, Barnes.
- Yeah.Copy !req
135. Mr. Reed, it's so nice
to meet you, finally.Copy !req
136. We were just in the area,
and we wanted to stop byCopy !req
137. because you mentioned
you might be interestedCopy !req
138. in learning more about
the Church of Jesus ChristCopy !req
139. of Latter-day Saints?Copy !req
140. Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
141. Mr. Reed, we would like
to give you this booklet,Copy !req
142. as it will help you
understand the restoration.Copy !req
143. I... I actually
have one already,Copy !req
144. but, um, you can never
have too many.Copy !req
145. It... it tells you
all the waysCopy !req
146. the Heavenly Father
can reveal His gospel.Copy !req
147. - As a part of His plan...
- Thank you.Copy !req
148. God chooses prophets,Copy !req
149. such as Adam, Noah, Abraham
and Moses.Copy !req
150. - Uh, prophets...
- Yeah, well, talking of Noah...Copy !req
151. it is very,
very wet.Copy !req
152. teach about God
and receive revelation,Copy !req
153. and they interpret
the word of God, and preachCopy !req
154. the gospel to the world,
and because of Apostasy...Copy !req
155. Would you like to come inside?Copy !req
156. people lose knowledge
of the gospel.Copy !req
157. Do you have a girl roommate?Copy !req
158. A girl, who?Copy !req
159. A... a roommate?Copy !req
160. We can't come inside unless
another woman is presentCopy !req
161. but, um, we can, uh,
stay out hereCopy !req
162. in the doorway,
if that's fine with you?Copy !req
163. It's just for safety.
We don't mind the rain.Copy !req
164. Well, my wife is home.
Does that count?Copy !req
165. - Yeah!
- Perfect.Copy !req
166. When you said "roommate,"
I panicked. I...Copy !req
167. I haven't had a roommate
since, uh...Copy !req
168. Anyway, I... I have a soulmate
and that is good enough?Copy !req
169. - Yes!
- That's great!Copy !req
170. We'd love to come in
and meet your wife.Copy !req
171. Then come on in!
Great!Copy !req
172. - Do you like pie?
- Yeah!Copy !req
173. My wife has pie
in the oven.Copy !req
174. I've gained so much weight
on my mission.Copy !req
175. People are always
feeding us treats.Copy !req
176. We never seem
to turn them down.Copy !req
177. Well, my wife loves to bake.Copy !req
178. - May I take your coats?
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
179. I really love pie.
I'm super excited.Copy !req
180. My grandma used to make
the best pie.Copy !req
181. Okay, well, you and my wife
are gonna get on very well.Copy !req
182. - Great.
- Oh, one thing,Copy !req
183. the walls and ceilings
have metal in them.Copy !req
184. - I hope that's okay.
- We don't mind.Copy !req
185. Good!Copy !req
186. Well, I will go
and check on the snacks.Copy !req
187. Make yourselves at home.Copy !req
188. Thank you.Copy !req
189. My wife is being shy.Copy !req
190. But the pie, the pie is nigh.Copy !req
191. She'll have to be in the room
with us too.Copy !req
192. Yes, of course! Of course,
right. I understand.Copy !req
193. Please take a seat,
take a seat, take a seat.Copy !req
194. Couple of colas.
Help... help yourself.Copy !req
195. I think...Copy !req
196. it is good to be religious.Copy !req
197. Well, our work here is done.Copy !req
198. No. I just want you
to know that before we start.Copy !req
199. Yeah, I think
that we would considerCopy !req
200. that refreshing to hear.Copy !req
201. Well, sometimes, it feels likeCopy !req
202. maybe religion isn't at
the center of culture anymore.Copy !req
203. Well, it's fading, isn't it?Copy !req
204. Yeah, over time. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
205. Okay, are you ready
to hear aboutCopy !req
206. our Heavenly Father's
plan for you?Copy !req
207. I am! Wait.Copy !req
208. Where are you both from?Copy !req
209. Me? Ogden, Utah.Copy !req
210. One of eight daughters.
I know,Copy !req
211. it's as bad as it sounds.Copy !req
212. And Sister Barnes
is from Salt Lake City.Copy !req
213. Uh, Philadelphia, originally.Copy !req
214. Ah.Copy !req
215. And you're both
raised in the church, yeah?Copy !req
216. Born and raised.Copy !req
217. My mother was a convert,
so, um,Copy !req
218. when my dad passed away,Copy !req
219. we auditioned
a few different churches,Copy !req
220. just to see what was out thereCopy !req
221. and see if we still
believed in it.Copy !req
222. I know that feeling.Copy !req
223. I know that feeling very well.Copy !req
224. It's so important
to find your faithCopy !req
225. in a doctrine
you actually believe,Copy !req
226. and that's a very,
very personal struggle.Copy !req
227. That is a personal challenge
that I have struggled withCopy !req
228. for a very, very long time.Copy !req
229. You know,Copy !req
230. what is the one,
true religion?Copy !req
231. It's funny,
Sister Hall was telling usCopy !req
232. that we shouldCopy !req
233. prioritize other
investigators.Copy !req
234. - Oh.
- Oh, but no! I...Copy !req
235. I'm just sayingCopy !req
236. that I could tell that youCopy !req
237. are a very spiritually
curious person,Copy !req
238. just like Joseph Smith.Copy !req
239. You know, Joseph investigated
many different denominations,Copy !req
240. Presbyterian, Methodist,
Catholicism.Copy !req
241. And none of them quite fit,Copy !req
242. which is why
Joseph founded our church.Copy !req
243. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
244. As I understand it,
stop me when I go wrong,Copy !req
245. he was visited in the night
by an angel called Morony.Copy !req
246. Moroni.
Moroni. Yeah.Copy !req
247. Moroni, who showed him
where he could locateCopy !req
248. some golden plates
near his home.Copy !req
249. form the basis of this.Copy !req
250. Wow!Copy !req
251. No, you read more than we do!Copy !req
252. No, seriously,Copy !req
253. we should be more like you,
Mr. Reed!Copy !req
254. Mr. "Read."Copy !req
255. The pie smells amazing.Copy !req
256. And now that you've been
studying The Book of Mormon,Copy !req
257. how does it make you feel?Copy !req
258. Can you guess
what kind of pie she's making?Copy !req
259. Is it...Copy !req
260. blueberry pie?Copy !req
261. It is blueberry pie!Copy !req
262. Yes! I knew it!Copy !req
263. My favorite!Copy !req
264. Going back, can I askCopy !req
265. how did your father pass away?Copy !req
266. - Um...
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
267. - I shouldn't...
- Lou Gehrig's disease.Copy !req
268. Blueberry disease?Copy !req
269. Okay, that's...Copy !req
270. That's... that's wonderful,
blueberry disease.Copy !req
271. Who wouldn't want that? Yeah.Copy !req
272. Uh...Copy !req
273. Lou Gehrig's disease.Copy !req
274. Gehrig's.Copy !req
275. Oh, that's... that's awful.Copy !req
276. I'm so sorry.
I... I... I misheard.Copy !req
277. That is a malicious
affliction.Copy !req
278. I... I thought
you were making a jokeCopy !req
279. about the pie. I'm sorry.Copy !req
280. Yeah.Copy !req
281. Have you seen any signs of
your father since he passed?Copy !req
282. Has he tried to communicate
from the other side?Copy !req
283. Mmm, no.Copy !req
284. Strange.Copy !req
285. Well, I'm...Copy !req
286. I'm really sorry,
and I'm sorry about the...Copy !req
287. blueberry mix-up.Copy !req
288. It's okay.Copy !req
289. When I die, I want to come
back as a butterfly,Copy !req
290. just to follow around
the people I love.Copy !req
291. I'll land right on their hand.Copy !req
292. Not their arm, not their...
their head,Copy !req
293. right on their fingertip,
so they know it's me.Copy !req
294. Ah.Copy !req
295. That's sweet.Copy !req
296. Oh!Copy !req
297. Apologies!
That is a foible of the house.Copy !req
298. I'm sorry. It does that.
It does that.Copy !req
299. Um, well...Copy !req
300. Ladies, I can't see you now.Copy !req
301. - Um, I think it is time.
- Hmm.Copy !req
302. Time for what?Copy !req
303. Time for pie!Copy !req
304. Pie!Copy !req
305. Woohoo!Copy !req
306. And, uh,
time for enlightenment.Copy !req
307. Oh?Copy !req
308. I'm sorry, I should
have offered you water.Copy !req
309. The word of wisdom forbidsCopy !req
310. caffeine and alcohol,
doesn't it?Copy !req
311. Well, it doesn't, uh,
specifically mention soda.Copy !req
312. Sure, it may be healthier
to avoid caffeinated drinks,Copy !req
313. but we're just not thirsty.Copy !req
314. Aha.Copy !req
315. How do you feel
about awkward questions?Copy !req
316. The meme?Copy !req
317. Heh, no. I want to ask
an awkward, uh,Copy !req
318. an icky question,Copy !req
319. an insensitive question
that I thinkCopy !req
320. will add depth
to our conversationCopy !req
321. very quickly
before the sun goes downCopy !req
322. and we're done
for the evening.Copy !req
323. But only if you're comfortable
with that.Copy !req
324. Well, we won't know
if we're comfortableCopy !req
325. - until you ask, so...
- Fair point.Copy !req
326. Maybe you just ask?Copy !req
327. Okay.Copy !req
328. If you don't ask,Copy !req
329. I'm gonna leave here wondering
what we missed out on.Copy !req
330. Very well.
My question is this. Um...Copy !req
331. Now I feel it's been
built up to. Uh...Copy !req
332. Should I request a drum roll?Copy !req
333. I'm going to request
a drum roll.Copy !req
334. A drum roll please, ladies!Copy !req
335. Keep going!
Keep going! Keep going!Copy !req
336. More! More! More!Copy !req
337. Now, I... I... I...
my question is,Copy !req
338. how do you feel
about polygamy?Copy !req
339. How do you... how do you feel
about the concept ofCopy !req
340. a man having multiple wives?Copy !req
341. I mean, it's...
it's not for me, um...Copy !req
342. Are you asking
from a biblical perspective?Copy !req
343. Uh, Mormonism
has a controversial historyCopy !req
344. with the misogynist practiceCopy !req
345. of men claiming
multiple wives.Copy !req
346. But I am fascinated by
the idea of Modern Revelation,Copy !req
347. which was used
to erase this behaviorCopy !req
348. from the church in 1890.Copy !req
349. I just think
that's worthy of conversation.Copy !req
350. Yeah? Uh...Copy !req
351. And what I mean by thatCopy !req
352. is that we're discussing
a church thatCopy !req
353. decided that
a controversial practiceCopy !req
354. was a stain on its reputation,
and an actual hindranceCopy !req
355. to recruiting new members,
and so it used revelation,Copy !req
356. word of God
told unto the prophetCopy !req
357. to banish a provocative
religious pillarCopy !req
358. that seemed unsavory
in contemporary times.Copy !req
359. Yeah, I know that, um,Copy !req
360. it may be difficult
to understand, um,Copy !req
361. but, uh, polygamy
was a spiritual missionCopy !req
362. needed at the time in orderCopy !req
363. to grow the ranks
of our membershipCopy !req
364. in the wake of much hardship
and bloodshed.Copy !req
365. Um...
a man having plural wivesCopy !req
366. meant more... more babies
to help the community grow.Copy !req
367. Hmm.Copy !req
368. It's, yeah,
it's sketch for sure,Copy !req
369. - to our modern brains.
- And it was...Copy !req
370. it was removed from the church
not just becauseCopy !req
371. it was grotesque
or controversial,Copy !req
372. but just because
it wasn't necessary anymore.Copy !req
373. You see, I worry, and...Copy !req
374. forgive my loud language,Copy !req
375. uh,Copy !req
376. I worry that Joseph Smith
used the concept of polygamyCopy !req
377. to legitimize his affairs
with other women.Copy !req
378. I worry that Joseph's wife,
Emma Smith,Copy !req
379. was upset when he slept
with Fanny Alger,Copy !req
380. their sixteen-year-old maid.Copy !req
381. I worry that
he formulated a planCopy !req
382. to use revelation
for consequence-free sexCopy !req
383. in the aftermath
of that indiscretionCopy !req
384. and others like it.Copy !req
385. You know, "With great power
comes great responsibility."Copy !req
386. Spiderman.Copy !req
387. Voltaire.Copy !req
388. Right.Copy !req
389. I guess what I would
pose to the room is my concernCopy !req
390. that polygamy has no
spiritual bearing whatsoever.Copy !req
391. That is somewhat
of a distortion, I think...Copy !req
392. The church's own history
corroboratesCopy !req
393. and implies this...Copy !req
394. cynical
brainwashing tactic.Copy !req
395. Is that true?Copy !req
396. I... I... I'm sorry,Copy !req
397. I... I'm not sure
where you're getting this.Copy !req
398. If revelation by God
is filtered through manCopy !req
399. and man is flawed
and man sins and man lies,Copy !req
400. then how do we know
any of it's true?Copy !req
401. We know it's true because
of how it makes us feel.Copy !req
402. Bingo!
That's exactly right!Copy !req
403. That's exactly right.
Couldn't agree more.Copy !req
404. It's our personal relationship
with God which matters.Copy !req
405. Let us talk with our bishopCopy !req
406. about some of the points
you're raising. Um...Copy !req
407. Question. What's your
favorite fast food?Copy !req
408. I try not to eat it.Copy !req
409. None of us do, but go on,
we've all got one.Copy !req
410. Um...Copy !req
411. Okay. Burger King is better
than Carl's Junior...Copy !req
412. What's Carl's Junior?Copy !req
413. Hardee's on the East Coast.Copy !req
414. Burger King is better
than Hardee'sCopy !req
415. which is better
than Rally's...Copy !req
416. - Rally's?
- Checkers.Copy !req
417. Burger King is betterCopy !req
418. than Hardee's,
which is better than Checkers,Copy !req
419. which is better than Wendy's,
which is better than In-N-Out,Copy !req
420. which is better
than McDonalds,Copy !req
421. which is better
than Jack in the Box,Copy !req
422. which is better than nothing.Copy !req
423. Jack in the Box serves
breakfast all day.Copy !req
424. I love breakfast!Copy !req
425. What about Taco Bell?Copy !req
426. We don't talk about Taco Bell.Copy !req
427. Why don't we talk
about Taco Bell?Copy !req
428. We'd have to talk about
Taco Bell to talk about...Copy !req
429. why we don't
talk about Taco Bell.Copy !req
430. All right, so...
so Burger King is number one.Copy !req
431. - I think it's trash.
- Oh.Copy !req
432. Right.
Not Jack in the Box.Copy !req
433. I vote Wendy's.Copy !req
434. I could support.Copy !req
435. Good! Wendy's it is. Yeah.Copy !req
436. Do you know?
I've never had a Wendy.Copy !req
437. That came out wrong.Copy !req
438. It's okay.Copy !req
439. So when I started
studying theology,Copy !req
440. the last thing
I wanted to do was find...Copy !req
441. the Wendy's of religions.Copy !req
442. I was just writing
a research paperCopy !req
443. for a college class, and I was
content with dabbling.Copy !req
444. So, some McNuggets here,
BK Whopper over there,Copy !req
445. whatever fit the mood.Copy !req
446. As I studied the genres,
McD, BK, In-N-Out,Copy !req
447. i.e., Mormonism, Scientology,
Islam, Buddhism,Copy !req
448. as I got closer to GodCopy !req
449. through genre
and rigorous study,Copy !req
450. as I worked
on my personal relationshipCopy !req
451. with Heavenly Father,
and I think strengthened it,Copy !req
452. do you know what I found?Copy !req
453. The more you know,
the less you know.Copy !req
454. And by the time I was 50,
I was malnourishedCopy !req
455. from the fast food of religion
I'd been packing into my brainCopy !req
456. for the best part of a decade.Copy !req
457. Every sect, cult,
creed, denominationCopy !req
458. all claimed to be the one,
true doctrine,Copy !req
459. and yet none seemed true when
held under the microscope.Copy !req
460. So I wondered
what else was out there.Copy !req
461. I promise you,Copy !req
462. the last thing I wanted to doCopy !req
463. was find
the one true religion.Copy !req
464. But unfortunately, I did.Copy !req
465. Can we meet your wife?Copy !req
466. Please?Copy !req
467. Of course, yes!Copy !req
468. She just has to be present,
and we wantCopy !req
469. - to meet her as well.
- Yeah.Copy !req
470. Sorry. I'll... I'll go ask.Copy !req
471. Sister Barnes,
I don't... I don't know.Copy !req
472. Yeah,
I don't want to spook him,Copy !req
473. but we should wrap this.Copy !req
474. Any messages?Copy !req
475. Nothing.Copy !req
476. Okay. Um...Copy !req
477. let's just politely wrap this
and head back.Copy !req
478. Just the highlights...Copy !req
479. And she is finally ready.Copy !req
480. Sorry about that.Copy !req
481. Come on through.
She's eager to... meet you.Copy !req
482. There we are.Copy !req
483. - This way.
- Okay.Copy !req
484. One moment, Mr. Reed.
Uh, we're just getting a callCopy !req
485. from the Relief Society
president.Copy !req
486. - We'll be right there.
- Oh, do you need a minute?Copy !req
487. Hi.Copy !req
488. - This is Sister Barnes. Um...
- I'll wait.Copy !req
489. - I'll wait on the other side.
- Yeah. Just one moment.Copy !req
490. - Thank you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
491. - Should we leave?
- Now?Copy !req
492. - Yeah?
- Yes? Yes.Copy !req
493. What is it?Copy !req
494. Our bikes.Copy !req
495. Yeah?Copy !req
496. They're locked outside.Copy !req
497. So what?Copy !req
498. He has our coats.Copy !req
499. The key to the bike lock
is in my coat pocket.Copy !req
500. So we need our coats.Copy !req
501. Yeah.Copy !req
502. - We do.
- I don't know, do we?Copy !req
503. Walk back
without coats and bikes?Copy !req
504. What is that, two miles?Copy !req
505. No, I think it's four.Copy !req
506. It's a little over the top,
but I...Copy !req
507. I'm fine.
I'm fine to walk, yeah?Copy !req
508. - It's stuck.
- Unlock it.Copy !req
509. There's no... lock.Copy !req
510. What? Pull harder.Copy !req
511. Here. Here.Copy !req
512. All right.Copy !req
513. Is he still there?Copy !req
514. Didn't we hear him leave?Copy !req
515. Are you sure?Copy !req
516. Should we ask him for help?Copy !req
517. No.Copy !req
518. Can you fit through this?Copy !req
519. You crazy?Copy !req
520. Um, we should try Sister Hall, okay?Copy !req
521. Or Elder Kennedy, just so
they know where we are.Copy !req
522. It's not going through.Copy !req
523. It's the storm.
Keep trying, okay?Copy !req
524. Okay.Copy !req
525. We ask for help, hmm?Copy !req
526. It'll be fine.Copy !req
527. Mr. Reed?Copy !req
528. And there they are! Welcome.Copy !req
529. Mr. Reed, you have been
too generous with your time.Copy !req
530. Sister Paxton and I
were just sayingCopy !req
531. what a pleasure it's been.Copy !req
532. Um, but we just got off
the phone with Sister Hall,Copy !req
533. and she needs us
to return to the church.Copy !req
534. - Oh! Oh, well...
- Unfortunately, yeah.Copy !req
535. I won't keep you
if you wish to leave.Copy !req
536. We've been summoned back.Copy !req
537. Yeah.Copy !req
538. Damn it! Damn it,
'cause we were justCopy !req
539. getting started, weren't we?Copy !req
540. You know, you had me thinking
that maybe you wereCopy !req
541. onto something
with your visit.Copy !req
542. I've been impressed,
but I understand.Copy !req
543. Uh, yeah, your coats are here,Copy !req
544. hanging on the back
of the pew.Copy !req
545. Excuse me one moment.Copy !req
546. Yeah.Copy !req
547. Key.Copy !req
548. So... so we just, uh,
need your helpCopy !req
549. with the door. Um...Copy !req
550. It's... it's a little tricky.Copy !req
551. I'm sorry?Copy !req
552. I think your door is
a bit stuck out there.Copy !req
553. The door won't open.Copy !req
554. The front door.Copy !req
555. Yeah, the front door
won't open again.Copy !req
556. It opened when we came in.Copy !req
557. Yeah.Copy !req
558. Maybe if you unlock it,
it will open?Copy !req
559. No, no, I... I... I understand
what you're asking me,Copy !req
560. but, uh,Copy !req
561. the deadbolts are on a timer.Copy !req
562. I got carried away
with our conversation,Copy !req
563. I didn't realize the brace
had been set.Copy !req
564. I should have pulled the pin
when you came in,Copy !req
565. but I forgot.
So if you are nowCopy !req
566. regrettably ready to leave,Copy !req
567. you'll have to exit
through the back of my house.Copy !req
568. Uh, where?Copy !req
569. Just through here.Copy !req
570. Well, can you just unlock
the front one, please?Copy !req
571. We would like to go that way.Copy !req
572. Just so we don't
get turned aroundCopy !req
573. and confused
when we get outside.Copy !req
574. Yeah, it won't open again
'til morning.Copy !req
575. Please, sir?Copy !req
576. Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
577. I promise you,
it's safe to leave this way.Copy !req
578. Huh?Copy !req
579. It's a little unusual
to have a doorCopy !req
580. that, um, locks on a timer?Copy !req
581. Uh...Copy !req
582. Yes, well, I see that.Copy !req
583. Yeah.Copy !req
584. And it's...Copy !req
585. Well, it's a little unusual
that it can't be unlocked.Copy !req
586. No,
I... I... I know.Copy !req
587. I am self-aware enough to know
how this might look.Copy !req
588. Older man, two young women
in his house,Copy !req
589. but I assure you,
you are welcome to leaveCopy !req
590. through... through the back.Copy !req
591. You saw my house
from the outside, right?Copy !req
592. Mm-hmm.
Right!Copy !req
593. So, you know
it's a tiny footprint.Copy !req
594. The back of the house
is just there.Copy !req
595. Yeah.Copy !req
596. Anyway, I will leave you space
to make your decision freely.Copy !req
597. Yeah.Copy !req
598. To clarify, I am trying...Copy !req
599. have been trying very hard
to make it a pointCopy !req
600. not to pressure you,Copy !req
601. so you shouldn't even
feel the needCopy !req
602. to fabricate a story
about someone from your wardCopy !req
603. calling you to leave.
It's... perfectly fine.Copy !req
604. Leave when you want.Copy !req
605. It wasn't an excuse,
they do need us back.Copy !req
606. No, I know, but you're saying
you took a callCopy !req
607. with someone from your ward.Copy !req
608. Yeah, a moment ago.Copy !req
609. But when you came inside,
I asked if you were okayCopy !req
610. with the metal in the walls
and ceilings.Copy !req
611. What do you mean?Copy !req
612. I mean that the metal
obstructs cell phone signals,Copy !req
613. so I do know
you didn't take a call. But...Copy !req
614. Just to be clear,Copy !req
615. so you're comfortable,Copy !req
616. it is totally fine for you
to leave on your own accord.Copy !req
617. You never need to feel like
you have to...Copy !req
618. make excuses or...
or tell me little...Copy !req
619. little... little white lies.Copy !req
620. So which door
takes us outside?Copy !req
621. Pff.Copy !req
622. Well...
do you have a preference?Copy !req
623. Wh... why would I
have a preference?Copy !req
624. Should we have
a preference?Copy !req
625. That is a fair question.Copy !req
626. Not to be completely weird,
but can your wifeCopy !req
627. please just step in the room,Copy !req
628. say hello and walk us
to the back of the house?Copy !req
629. I'm not trying to be silly,Copy !req
630. I promise, I'm really not,Copy !req
631. but there are rules we follow,
and we were upfront with them.Copy !req
632. I will ask.Copy !req
633. Can I ask you
a question first?Copy !req
634. Do you...Copy !req
635. still believe that my wife
is in the next room?Copy !req
636. Despite all the evidence
to the contrary,Copy !req
637. the scented candle,Copy !req
638. the absence of an oven
with blueberry pie?Copy !req
639. Or have you been politely
indulging a lie?Copy !req
640. If you still believe that
she's in there, I'll go ask,Copy !req
641. but it's something
I want you to think aboutCopy !req
642. and maybe think aboutCopy !req
643. in the context
of your beliefs.Copy !req
644. Do you believe in God becauseCopy !req
645. somebody told you
at an impressionable ageCopy !req
646. that God is real,
despite having doubtsCopy !req
647. as you got older, despite...Copy !req
648. seeing evidence to
the contrary your whole lives?Copy !req
649. When your father
lost control of his body,Copy !req
650. did you think it was
God's plan to ruin his life?Copy !req
651. Or did you go on
believing somethingCopy !req
652. that you know is not true
just to give you comfortCopy !req
653. because you were afraid
of what it might meanCopy !req
654. if it was all a lie?Copy !req
655. I put the scented candle
on the tableCopy !req
656. because I wanted you to thinkCopy !req
657. about the things
that you believeCopy !req
658. just because somebody
asked you to believe them.Copy !req
659. Can...Copy !req
660. Can we use your phone?Copy !req
661. Please?Copy !req
662. I... I don't have a telephone.Copy !req
663. You have a really
beautiful home, Mr. Reed.Copy !req
664. It's like a church in here.Copy !req
665. Did you build it yourself?Copy !req
666. My wife built it.Copy !req
667. We're gonna leaveCopy !req
668. through the back
of your house.Copy !req
669. Now, is that okay?Copy !req
670. Of course.Copy !req
671. Just like you said,
it's okay,Copy !req
672. and we can leave, right?Copy !req
673. That's right.Copy !req
674. What is it?Copy !req
675. Sister Barnes?Copy !req
676. That's a basement.Copy !req
677. It doesn't look like
this goes outside.Copy !req
678. I think that you can
tell that we're regrettablyCopy !req
679. uncomfortable with this
situation here tonight.Copy !req
680. I'm sorry, but didn't you just
say a moment agoCopy !req
681. that you saw the outside
of my house?Copy !req
682. So then you clearly saw...Copy !req
683. that the back of my house
overhangs a hill,Copy !req
684. so you would know
that you have to go down...Copy !req
685. in order to go out.Copy !req
686. I think
it would be best for youCopy !req
687. and for all of us
if you could help usCopy !req
688. go home becauseCopy !req
689. the Stake President,
he knows where we are.Copy !req
690. And the Ward
Missionaries know.Copy !req
691. And they'll be expecting us.Copy !req
692. And there were witnesses,
weren't there, Sister Barnes?Copy !req
693. On our way here,
we passed a police officer?Copy !req
694. Whoa! The police?
I promise you,Copy !req
695. you're getting way, way, way,
way too worked up.Copy !req
696. Right.Copy !req
697. But I think that we're scaredCopy !req
698. because you lied
to us earlier.Copy !req
699. Do you want me to help?Copy !req
700. You asked me earlier
if you shouldCopy !req
701. have a preference
between the doors.Copy !req
702. I think you should.
I think it's somethingCopy !req
703. you should consider
very carefully,Copy !req
704. and then make
the right decision.Copy !req
705. Do you want me to help you?Copy !req
706. Yes.Copy !req
707. Okay.Copy !req
708. Then, please...Copy !req
709. come and stand here.
Both of you come.Copy !req
710. Just here.Copy !req
711. That's it.Copy !req
712. It's a simple choice.Copy !req
713. But it should not
be made simply.Copy !req
714. I need you to reflect
very, very deeplyCopy !req
715. and then make
a sincere decision.Copy !req
716. Have you ever playedCopy !req
717. the Parker Brothers game,
Monopoly?Copy !req
718. Monopoly is currently
published in 47 languages.Copy !req
719. They sell it
in over 114 countries.Copy !req
720. They say over a billion people
have played Monopoly.Copy !req
721. But I'm guessing that only
a fraction of that billionCopy !req
722. have actually finished it.Copy !req
723. Maybe that reminds youCopy !req
724. of something else?Copy !req
725. Just a thought.Copy !req
726. This is what most people mean
when they hear "Monopoly."Copy !req
727. There's the pewter avatars.Copy !req
728. Everyone has their favorite.
I shall not tell you mine.Copy !req
729. Meow!Copy !req
730. There's the pastel money
in various denominations,Copy !req
731. and, of course, the jail.Copy !req
732. Now, this next part
is very important.Copy !req
733. Have you ever played
the 1904 board game calledCopy !req
734. The Landlord's Game?Copy !req
735. It is very nearly identical
to MonopolyCopy !req
736. in every fundamental way.
There's the jail.Copy !req
737. There's free parking.Copy !req
738. There's fines and fees.
There's penalties.Copy !req
739. for landing
on other people's properties,Copy !req
740. and the ultimate goal
of forming monopoliesCopy !req
741. to force your opponent
out of the game.Copy !req
742. What do games have to do
with us leaving?Copy !req
743. Everything.Copy !req
744. The Landlord's Game
was designed byCopy !req
745. American feminist
Elizabeth Magie,Copy !req
746. almost three decades beforeCopy !req
747. a heater salesman
from Philadelphia,Copy !req
748. Sister Barnes,
changed the name to MonopolyCopy !req
749. and sold the concept
as his ownCopy !req
750. to Parker Brothers in 1935.Copy !req
751. This chap was called
Charles Darrow,Copy !req
752. went on to become the first
millionaire games designerCopy !req
753. in the history of the world,
while poor old Elizabeth MagieCopy !req
754. died without ever
being credited for the impactCopy !req
755. she had on American culture.Copy !req
756. I'm talking to youCopy !req
757. about iterations.Copy !req
758. I need you to have a very
basic understandingCopy !req
759. of iterating,
because I'm going to makeCopy !req
760. a very disturbing
claim tonight.Copy !req
761. It will make your stomachs
sink a littleCopy !req
762. and your hearts beat faster.Copy !req
763. It will make you sick.Copy !req
764. It may even...
I'm very sorry...Copy !req
765. make you want to...
to die.Copy !req
766. Have you heard
this song before?Copy !req
767. You just played it.Copy !req
768. No, I mean before tonight.Copy !req
769. Mmm-mmm.Copy !req
770. I disagree!Copy !req
771. I think you've heard it
many, many times before,Copy !req
772. but we will come back to that.Copy !req
773. You are, are you not, monotheistic?Copy !req
774. We believe in Heavenly Father, yes.Copy !req
775. Okay.Copy !req
776. There are three major
monotheistic religions,Copy !req
777. Judaism, Christianity
and Islam.Copy !req
778. I call them, "The Big Three."Copy !req
779. Judaism, i.e.Copy !req
780. "The Original Edition."Copy !req
781. Christianity, i.e.
"The Most Popular Edition,"Copy !req
782. and Islam, "The Newer,Copy !req
783. "Second Most Popular Edition."Copy !req
784. May I see your Book of Mormon, please?Copy !req
785. I'll give it back.Copy !req
786. Thank you.Copy !req
787. And finally, after 800 years,
this!Copy !req
788. Mormonism, i.e.Copy !req
789. "The zany regional
spin-off edition."Copy !req
790. These are all iterationsCopy !req
791. of the same source material.Copy !req
792. These texts share
many of the same charactersCopy !req
793. and histories albeit presentedCopy !req
794. with different meanings
and perspectives.Copy !req
795. So no,Copy !req
796. I will not accept...
that you stand thereCopy !req
797. and tell me
that you've never heardCopy !req
798. The Air That I Breathe
by The Hollies,Copy !req
799. when I know that you have
heard Creep by Radiohead.Copy !req
800. Oh, yes, you have. Come on.Copy !req
801. Yeah?Copy !req
802. Okay! "What the hell
am I doing here?"Copy !req
803. I know these are things
you are thinking right now,Copy !req
804. but they're also lyrics
you recognize, yes?Copy !req
805. Yes?Copy !req
806. The Hollies filed a plagiarism
lawsuit against Radiohead,Copy !req
807. which they later settled
by provingCopy !req
808. that the melody and rhythm
of The Air That I BreatheCopy !req
809. appear in Creep.Copy !req
810. How old are you? 19 or 20?Copy !req
811. - Something like that. Okay.
- Hmm.Copy !req
812. So maybe you know
Lana Del Rey,Copy !req
813. who remarkably was sued
by RadioheadCopy !req
814. for plagiarizing Creep
in her 2017 songCopy !req
815. Get Free.Copy !req
816. Iterations.Copy !req
817. Over time.Copy !req
818. Diluting the message.Copy !req
819. Obscuring the original.Copy !req
820. Judaism is the OG
monotheistic religion.Copy !req
821. It should, by a wide margin,Copy !req
822. have the most number of
practicing members. And yet,Copy !req
823. it makes up only 0.2%
of the world's population.Copy !req
824. Why is that?Copy !req
825. Why is the original
less popularCopy !req
826. than the iteration?Copy !req
827. Is it any less true
than the others?Copy !req
828. Are we talking about religion
or board games or music?Copy !req
829. Yes.Copy !req
830. It has the fewest members
because it doesn't advertise.Copy !req
831. It doesn't have
people like you,Copy !req
832. knocking on doors,Copy !req
833. selling people a better life,Copy !req
834. a better board game,
a better song.Copy !req
835. You ever think about that?Copy !req
836. How missionaries
are really just salespeopleCopy !req
837. for an organization?Copy !req
838. The product you're selling
is an idea.Copy !req
839. You knock on my door
and you sell,Copy !req
840. maybe I buy,
maybe I don't buy.Copy !req
841. Those are the rules
of engagementCopy !req
842. when I invite you
into my house.Copy !req
843. We are negotiating
a transaction of ideologies.Copy !req
844. And what I'm trying
to say to you tonightCopy !req
845. is that I have an idea which
I would like to sell to you.Copy !req
846. My argument
is that the holy textsCopy !req
847. which we revereCopy !req
848. are just mythological
iterations of storiesCopy !req
849. which ancient people have beenCopy !req
850. telling each other
for centuries.Copy !req
851. They're not true or real
in any literal sense.Copy !req
852. They are merely a conduit
to a more ancient truth.Copy !req
853. The story of a savior...Copy !req
854. who was born to a virgin,Copy !req
855. who could perform miraclesCopy !req
856. and was supernaturally
resurrected,Copy !req
857. was a very popular storyCopy !req
858. for at least a thousand yearsCopy !req
859. before Jesus was born.Copy !req
860. One of them has blonde hair,Copy !req
861. one of them's brunette,
both dressed similar.Copy !req
862. No. Never stopped by.Copy !req
863. Mithras
performed miracles.Copy !req
864. He was marked
by the sign of the cross.Copy !req
865. Horus, walked on water,Copy !req
866. was crucified,
had 12 disciples.Copy !req
867. Krishna, he was a carpenter,
born to a virgin,Copy !req
868. baptized in a river,
rose from the deadCopy !req
869. and ascended into heaven.Copy !req
870. This little gallery
depicts 12 godsCopy !req
871. who were born
on December the 25th,Copy !req
872. all of whom predate
the existence of Jesus.Copy !req
873. I am sorry,Copy !req
874. but it is impossible
to ignore the influenceCopy !req
875. of one narrative upon another,Copy !req
876. or to ignore the fact
that all these storiesCopy !req
877. iterate into...Copy !req
878. Star Wars: Episode I -
The Phantom Menace.Copy !req
879. Can you imagine
thousands of years from nowCopy !req
880. people accepting Jar JarCopy !req
881. as a significant
religious figure?Copy !req
882. Beg your pardon?Copy !req
883. Jar Jar. Jar Jar Binks.Copy !req
884. Jar Jar! Ex-squeeze me.Copy !req
885. Never mind.Copy !req
886. It is all terrifying,
isn't it? I'm sorry.Copy !req
887. It is.Copy !req
888. It is all...Copy !req
889. Scary.Copy !req
890. I'm scared.Copy !req
891. I'm scared just saying it
out loud, really.Copy !req
892. If God is real, and he watches
when we masturbate,Copy !req
893. and he has such a fragile ego
that he only helps usCopy !req
894. when we beg him
and shower him with praise,Copy !req
895. and he hates gay peopleCopy !req
896. for being what
he made them to be,Copy !req
897. well, that's terrifying.Copy !req
898. If there's no GodCopy !req
899. and we're just horny,
microscopic antsCopy !req
900. floating on a rock
through spaceCopy !req
901. with no divine purposeCopy !req
902. and no hope
to achieve eternal life,Copy !req
903. well...Copy !req
904. that's terrifying too.Copy !req
905. "Either the church is true
or it is a fraud."Copy !req
906. "It is the church
and kingdom of God,Copy !req
907. "or it is nothing."Copy !req
908. Do you agree with that?Copy !req
909. Would it help if I told you
this is Gordon B. Hinckley,Copy !req
910. the 15th President
of your church.Copy !req
911. - Do you agree with Gordon?
- Yes.Copy !req
912. Mm-hmm.
Thought you might.Copy !req
913. So either it is all trueCopy !req
914. or none of it's true, yes?Copy !req
915. Yes.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
916. Okay.Copy !req
917. Then I want you
to choose which doorCopy !req
918. to go through
based on your faith.Copy !req
919. Are...Copy !req
920. are you asking usCopy !req
921. for us to deliberate
our belief in the church?Copy !req
922. Is that a factor
which will correspondCopy !req
923. to us going home?Copy !req
924. I'm asking you
to choose between beliefCopy !req
925. and disbelief.Copy !req
926. My own claim is that all
10,000 verifiable religionsCopy !req
927. that exist in the world todayCopy !req
928. are as artificial
as the symbolic churchCopy !req
929. you are currently standing in.Copy !req
930. It is farce.Copy !req
931. There is nothing holy here.Copy !req
932. Your religious text
is mere ornament...Copy !req
933. as hollow
and as capitalisticCopy !req
934. as these ridiculous games.Copy !req
935. I want to know
what is going to happen to usCopy !req
936. - before we choose.
- I don't even knowCopy !req
937. how to begin
to answer that questionCopy !req
938. if it hasn't happened yet.Copy !req
939. Wow, Mr. Reed,Copy !req
940. you've introduced
a lot of interesting points.Copy !req
941. I think we can admit
that you're a very smart manCopy !req
942. and we still have
a lot to learn.Copy !req
943. So with that,
I would like to agreeCopy !req
944. that you've...Copy !req
945. convinced us,Copy !req
946. and we'd like to leaveCopy !req
947. through the disbelief door
and go home now.Copy !req
948. Right, Sister Barnes?Copy !req
949. Sister?Copy !req
950. Sister Barnes?Copy !req
951. I think we should listen
to our super neatCopy !req
952. and thoughtful host
and choose the right door?Copy !req
953. You know, choose the "right"?Copy !req
954. Like they taught us
in primary?Copy !req
955. It doesn't...Copy !req
956. matter what you say to him.Copy !req
957. He's not gonna let us goCopy !req
958. just because
we admit he's right.Copy !req
959. Let's just get out of here
while our host is beingCopy !req
960. gracious enough
to let us leave.Copy !req
961. I think that
we're being studied.Copy !req
962. I think he wants to learn
something about usCopy !req
963. based on which door we open.Copy !req
964. Is that the game?Copy !req
965. Someone scratches their neck,
and he's watching.Copy !req
966. We say the wrong thing,
and he stumbles on his words.Copy !req
967. A candle flame flickers,
and it captures his attention.Copy !req
968. What have you
been looking for?Copy !req
969. What have you found?Copy !req
970. If I'm right,Copy !req
971. then the only thing
that matters right nowCopy !req
972. is what we actually believe.Copy !req
973. And because I think
your rhetoric is thin,Copy !req
974. and your garage sale
board game metaphorCopy !req
975. is kind of offensive.Copy !req
976. I mean, you asked
why Judaism only makes upCopy !req
977. 0.2% of the world's populationCopy !req
978. but didn't even pause
for the Holocaust.Copy !req
979. You make no acknowledgement
of the religious persecutionCopy !req
980. Jewish people have faced.Copy !req
981. You just use it as a setupCopy !req
982. to a punchline
about missionaries.Copy !req
983. And then,
you skip over the factCopy !req
984. that none of this
addresses Islam,Copy !req
985. as Muslims don't even believe
Christ was resurrected.Copy !req
986. And then, you point out
all the similaritiesCopy !req
987. these mythological gods
have with Jesus,Copy !req
988. but breeze over the many
glaring differences!Copy !req
989. One of these guys
has a freaking bird head!Copy !req
990. I don't think...
that my point of view...Copy !req
991. fits into belief or disbelief.Copy !req
992. I think there's
an entire spectrumCopy !req
993. that your game is neglecting.Copy !req
994. So it doesn't matter
what I believe, does it?Copy !req
995. Sister Paxton, do you still
believe in God?Copy !req
996. Yes.Copy !req
997. Then let's leave through here.Copy !req
998. Let's be honest and sincereCopy !req
999. and let God decide
what happens next for us.Copy !req
1000. Okay, we're leaving now.Copy !req
1001. Thank you
for all your mentorship,Copy !req
1002. and thank you
for letting us leave.Copy !req
1003. Are you coming too?Copy !req
1004. Sister...Copy !req
1005. It's okay.Copy !req
1006. One step at a time.
We'll go slow.Copy !req
1007. Sister Barnes,
there's nothing.Copy !req
1008. It's all blocked off.Copy !req
1009. What do you think he wants?Copy !req
1010. Is he gonna
keep us here forever?Copy !req
1011. No, he's too smart.
He...Copy !req
1012. He knows an Elder
will check on us, and...Copy !req
1013. which means he'll either have
to let us go or...Copy !req
1014. kill us.Copy !req
1015. From now on, if he lands
a philosophical pointCopy !req
1016. that we don't agree with,
we challenge him.Copy !req
1017. We make him think.Copy !req
1018. He doesn't have
to steam roll us.Copy !req
1019. We might not
be a physical threat,Copy !req
1020. but we can
be an intellectual one.Copy !req
1021. I think that window
has a cage on it.Copy !req
1022. You're right.Copy !req
1023. He's coming.
He's coming.Copy !req
1024. Take this.Copy !req
1025. Take this. Put it back.Copy !req
1026. If anything happens,
you take this,Copy !req
1027. and you stab him
in the neck as hardCopy !req
1028. and as fast as you can.Copy !req
1029. - No! No, no!
- It has to be you.Copy !req
1030. He's watching me too closely.Copy !req
1031. - He won't expect us to do it.
- Sister, no!Copy !req
1032. Okay. Let's have a code word.Copy !req
1033. Okay? Um...Copy !req
1034. Hey, if I say
"magic underwear,"Copy !req
1035. that means stab. Okay?Copy !req
1036. He's coming.Copy !req
1037. Magic underwear.
That's the code word. Okay?Copy !req
1038. Mr. Reed?Copy !req
1039. Mrs. Reed?Copy !req
1040. Is that you?Copy !req
1041. What's happening to her?Copy !req
1042. Mr. Reed?Copy !req
1043. Where are you?Copy !req
1044. No.Copy !req
1045. I had to be sureCopy !req
1046. before I introduced you
to her.Copy !req
1047. Sure about what?Copy !req
1048. You are now in the presenceCopy !req
1049. of a living prophet of God.Copy !req
1050. The reason
I invited youCopy !req
1051. into my sanctuary tonight
is becauseCopy !req
1052. I have been shown a miracle.Copy !req
1053. I believe
this miracle is proofCopy !req
1054. that all known religions
are demonstrably false,Copy !req
1055. and only an ancient echo
of something true.Copy !req
1056. I need a witness,Copy !req
1057. you, to verify
that the miracle is real.Copy !req
1058. Now, our family recipe
for blueberry pie is,Copy !req
1059. I think, a traditional one.Copy !req
1060. The ingredients include
butter, flour, corn starch,Copy !req
1061. sugar, lemon,Copy !req
1062. blueberries, of course,Copy !req
1063. but tonight I've also included
some wolf's baneCopy !req
1064. and some belladonna,Copy !req
1065. which means that,
in a short while,Copy !req
1066. the Prophet will be dead
from consuming the pie.Copy !req
1067. Then,Copy !req
1068. you will witness a miracle.Copy !req
1069. By the grace of God,Copy !req
1070. she will be resurrected.Copy !req
1071. Now, feel her pulse, please.Copy !req
1072. Both of you.Copy !req
1073. I need youCopy !req
1074. to feel her pulse right now!Copy !req
1075. Acknowledge, please,Copy !req
1076. that her heart has now
stopped pumping.Copy !req
1077. Do you know how to do that?Copy !req
1078. Index and middle finger
on the side of the neck,Copy !req
1079. in the soft, hollow area
just beside the windpipe.Copy !req
1080. Both of you, please,
lift her head to be sure.Copy !req
1081. She moved! She moved!Copy !req
1082. That was
just a catalytic spasm.Copy !req
1083. She's alive!Copy !req
1084. No! No, no. Not yet.Copy !req
1085. Chemicals being released
into her body.Copy !req
1086. Acknowledge, please,
that there's no pulse.Copy !req
1087. Acknowledge!Copy !req
1088. - No. No pulse.
- No pulse.Copy !req
1089. Thank you.Copy !req
1090. Acknowledge that she is
no longer breathing.Copy !req
1091. Do you feel a breath?Copy !req
1092. No. No.Copy !req
1093. So she's dead.
Yes.Copy !req
1094. Okay.Copy !req
1095. Thank you.Copy !req
1096. A moment longer, and you will
witness a resurrection.Copy !req
1097. She'll return
and she will tell usCopy !req
1098. what she saw in the afterlife.Copy !req
1099. Has the Prophet moved?Copy !req
1100. No.Copy !req
1101. Hello?Copy !req
1102. - No. No.
- Mmm-mmm.Copy !req
1103. All right.
Just un momentino.Copy !req
1104. Only a moment longer.Copy !req
1105. The Elders?Copy !req
1106. - We scream.
- We scream.Copy !req
1107. But not until
he answers the door.Copy !req
1108. He's coming back.
Scream! Scream!Copy !req
1109. Coming!Copy !req
1110. Ah! Sorry!Copy !req
1111. I was at the back.Copy !req
1112. - No, I'm sorry to bother you.
- No.Copy !req
1113. I'm just in the neighborhood
looking forCopy !req
1114. two young ladies
from my church.Copy !req
1115. Oh.Copy !req
1116. Is everything all right?Copy !req
1117. They can't hear us.Copy !req
1118. I'm sure
everything's fine,Copy !req
1119. I was just wondering
if they...Copy !req
1120. stopped by.Copy !req
1121. No. I'm sorry to say,Copy !req
1122. you are the first house caller
I've had all day, so.Copy !req
1123. - Did you see this?
- It's locked.Copy !req
1124. Help.Copy !req
1125. Help.Copy !req
1126. We can pull the rug.Copy !req
1127. The matches.Copy !req
1128. We start a fire,Copy !req
1129. smoke out the speaking pipe
to make sureCopy !req
1130. the Elder knows we're here.Copy !req
1131. Okay. But you did askCopy !req
1132. for more information
on the church, correct?Copy !req
1133. Uh, this...
this is the which church?Copy !req
1134. The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-day Saints.Copy !req
1135. Yes, yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
1136. Pull. Careful.Copy !req
1137. Is there some other way
I can help?Copy !req
1138. Do you want to use my phone,
call the police?Copy !req
1139. - I could get my coat...
- No, no. That's fine.Copy !req
1140. and come help you
look around.Copy !req
1141. No, no, no, no, no.
I'm sure they're not far.Copy !req
1142. Uh, thank you for your time.Copy !req
1143. All right, well, good luck.
Yeah, I mean that.Copy !req
1144. - Okay.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
1145. No.Copy !req
1146. He's coming!Copy !req
1147. Yeah? Yeah? Any luck?Copy !req
1148. She moved.Copy !req
1149. - What do you mean?
- When we were gone.Copy !req
1150. No,
you're remembering it wrong.Copy !req
1151. She hasn't moved at all.Copy !req
1152. Her head is different.Copy !req
1153. - That's where she was!
- It's not!Copy !req
1154. Sister, that's not
how I remember it. Please!Copy !req
1155. Please, just come on! Help!Copy !req
1156. Hold the sleeve up.Copy !req
1157. I'd be remiss if I didn't
ask you one question.Copy !req
1158. Have you received
this booklet?Copy !req
1159. I have not,Copy !req
1160. but I will give it a look-see.Copy !req
1161. Try another.Copy !req
1162. I know.Copy !req
1163. Focus.Copy !req
1164. Faster.Copy !req
1165. Conductor...Copy !req
1166. says... my... name.Copy !req
1167. White... clouds.Copy !req
1168. Not... Heaven.Copy !req
1169. They... unplug...Copy !req
1170. my brain.Copy !req
1171. It is...Copy !req
1172. not...Copy !req
1173. real.Copy !req
1174. And, thank you, Prophet.Copy !req
1175. We are very grateful
for your passageCopy !req
1176. to the other side.Copy !req
1177. Your prophecy will be recorded
into our liturgical texts.Copy !req
1178. Come. You must be exhausted.
Take my arm.Copy !req
1179. Well, now.Copy !req
1180. You see, this is rather
interesting because...Copy !req
1181. I know that one of you
has been lyingCopy !req
1182. since you first got here.Copy !req
1183. And do you know
how I know that?Copy !req
1184. Excuse me, can I...
can I take that?Copy !req
1185. I know from the wayCopy !req
1186. that the fire reacts
to each of you.Copy !req
1187. A.Copy !req
1188. B.Copy !req
1189. Yeah. One of you has
a very, very...Copy !req
1190. very big secret,
but we will know more soon.Copy !req
1191. There will be
before you saw a woman dieCopy !req
1192. and come back to life,
and there will be after.Copy !req
1193. Books will be written
about it.Copy !req
1194. So choose your words
very carefully when I ask,Copy !req
1195. what did you witness?Copy !req
1196. Tell me. Tell me what you saw.Copy !req
1197. How did she...Copy !req
1198. I don't know...Copy !req
1199. And if you didn't
see something transcendental,Copy !req
1200. you absolutely must tell me.Copy !req
1201. I don't know.Copy !req
1202. 'Cause if I'm wrong,Copy !req
1203. I need to hear it.
That's why you're here.Copy !req
1204. It's a contrived experiment.
We are your prisoners!Copy !req
1205. - It doesn't make sense...
- Oh, pooh!Copy !req
1206. - We're all prisoners together.
- ... for us to have an opinion!Copy !req
1207. You must know by now
that any of us can leaveCopy !req
1208. whenever we want,
but why would we want,Copy !req
1209. after what we've seen?Copy !req
1210. I saw it. I saw it.Copy !req
1211. I heard her describeCopy !req
1212. what she experienced
on the other side.Copy !req
1213. Great! What did you hear?Copy !req
1214. She said
there was a conductor.Copy !req
1215. - Yes. Yeah.
- Did she mean angel?Copy !req
1216. She had a feeling
of disassociation,Copy !req
1217. a feeling that something
wasn't real.Copy !req
1218. That's it.Copy !req
1219. So now you know.Copy !req
1220. Now, we know?Copy !req
1221. Yeah, now, you know.Copy !req
1222. Know?Copy !req
1223. I can show you God.Copy !req
1224. If you're willing to die.Copy !req
1225. It... it can be painless.
It can be temporary.Copy !req
1226. Like the Prophet,
you can be brought back.Copy !req
1227. It doesn't have
to be frightening at all.Copy !req
1228. I'll tell you... I'll tell you
what's frightening.Copy !req
1229. Not knowing is frightening!Copy !req
1230. Where do we come from?
What are we doing here?Copy !req
1231. What's our purpose?Copy !req
1232. The terror of those questions
is why religions exist.Copy !req
1233. I can answer
those questions for you.Copy !req
1234. I can give you a comfort
no religion in the worldCopy !req
1235. is capable of giving you.Copy !req
1236. It all makes sense now.Copy !req
1237. I've been asking myself
all night,Copy !req
1238. how is he gonna
make killing us our idea?Copy !req
1239. Sister Barnes,
you're in a muddle.Copy !req
1240. I know. I can't tellCopy !req
1241. if you're playing chess
or checkers.Copy !req
1242. Monopoly!Copy !req
1243. Come on, it was right there.Copy !req
1244. You didn't show us a miracle.Copy !req
1245. Okay, what did I show you?Copy !req
1246. That wasn't a miracle.Copy !req
1247. So you say.
What did I show you?Copy !req
1248. That was not a miracle!Copy !req
1249. What did I show you?Copy !req
1250. It was a magic trick.Copy !req
1251. A magic trick?Copy !req
1252. You wanna know why
we don't talk about Taco Bell?Copy !req
1253. It killed me
when I was four years old.Copy !req
1254. Fifty people were hospitalized
from an E. coli outbreak.Copy !req
1255. The kids at school
called me Taco HellCopy !req
1256. 'cause I was clinically deadCopy !req
1257. while doctors operated
on my kidneys.Copy !req
1258. When I was dead,Copy !req
1259. I saw exactly
what your prophet described.Copy !req
1260. A blinding white light,Copy !req
1261. clouds, but not Heaven,
a sense of wanting to return,Copy !req
1262. a feeling that my state
of reality wasn't real.Copy !req
1263. That wasn't a prophecy.Copy !req
1264. That was a near-death
experience.Copy !req
1265. When the oxygen
leaves your brainCopy !req
1266. or your heart stops pumping,
your mindCopy !req
1267. creates unbelievable things.Copy !req
1268. I think you've been
keeping this womanCopy !req
1269. on the edge of death
in order to ask her questionsCopy !req
1270. about meaningless
hallucinationsCopy !req
1271. so that you can substantiate
your ideaCopy !req
1272. of what the one,
true religion really is.Copy !req
1273. Did you know...Copy !req
1274. that when you remember
something,Copy !req
1275. you're really only rememberingCopy !req
1276. the last time you remembered
that experience?Copy !req
1277. You're not actually
recalling the event.Copy !req
1278. So your memory of dying
at Taco Bell...Copy !req
1279. isn't really of dying,Copy !req
1280. it's of the memory
of the memoryCopy !req
1281. of the memory
of the memory of the memory...Copy !req
1282. stop me...
of that event.Copy !req
1283. So you're remembering
a false correlationCopy !req
1284. with the experience
you've just witnessed.Copy !req
1285. But this,
this is happening right now!Copy !req
1286. That's why I think,
Sister Barnes, Sister Paxton,Copy !req
1287. that you really need
to pay attentionCopy !req
1288. because I promise you...Copy !req
1289. we're not talking
about a magic trick.Copy !req
1290. No,Copy !req
1291. we're talking
about magic underwear...Copy !req
1292. Help me! Help!Copy !req
1293. She'll come back to us!Copy !req
1294. I promise!Copy !req
1295. Sister Paxton,
do not be scared!Copy !req
1296. She will rise again.Copy !req
1297. Challenge him.Copy !req
1298. Debate.Copy !req
1299. Challenge him.Copy !req
1300. Come on, now,
Sister B.Copy !req
1301. Wakey-wakey!Copy !req
1302. Whoa, whoa, whoa,Copy !req
1303. whoa, whoa, whoa!
No, that's not it.Copy !req
1304. That's not it.
That's a... a mucky pup.Copy !req
1305. Let's have that.Copy !req
1306. Moments. It'll be moments.Copy !req
1307. Let's have one
of your drum rolls, yeah?Copy !req
1308. Whoop!Copy !req
1309. Hey!Copy !req
1310. I'm very sorry.Copy !req
1311. Something is wrong.Copy !req
1312. I'm now worried...Copy !req
1313. that she's not...Copy !req
1314. coming back to us.Copy !req
1315. Yeah.Copy !req
1316. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1317. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1318. Yep.Copy !req
1319. Yep.Copy !req
1320. Yeah.Copy !req
1321. There it is.Copy !req
1322. No, it isn't.Copy !req
1323. That was a vein.Copy !req
1324. A-ha! A-ha.Copy !req
1325. The implant.Copy !req
1326. This is why she can't
come back to us.Copy !req
1327. Take a look!Copy !req
1328. I'm very sorry.Copy !req
1329. But Sister Barnes,
she's a program.Copy !req
1330. She's not real.Copy !req
1331. Do you know what gave it away?Copy !req
1332. The candles.Copy !req
1333. What are you saying?
I don't understand.Copy !req
1334. No, no, I know.
I know. I know.Copy !req
1335. How could you?Copy !req
1336. Can you explain it to me?Copy !req
1337. Are you, Sister Paxton,Copy !req
1338. familiar with
the Daoist conceptCopy !req
1339. of "The Butterfly Dream"?Copy !req
1340. A butterfly...Copy !req
1341. A butterfly flaps its wings
and causes a typhoon?Copy !req
1342. That is
"The Butterfly Effect."Copy !req
1343. Common mistake. No.
"The Butterfly Dream"...Copy !req
1344. concerns an ancient
Chinese philosopherCopy !req
1345. who asked himself
the following question.Copy !req
1346. "Was I a man dreamingCopy !req
1347. "I'm a butterfly,
or am I now..."Copy !req
1348. "... a butterfly dreaming
that I am a man?"Copy !req
1349. Come and sit down.Copy !req
1350. Come on.
Here.Copy !req
1351. This is us.Copy !req
1352. You and me alone together.Copy !req
1353. That was Barnes.Copy !req
1354. Bye-bye, Barnes.Copy !req
1355. I have come
to a dark realizationCopy !req
1356. that we exist inside
a simulation so advancedCopy !req
1357. that we cannot tell the
difference between real lifeCopy !req
1358. and artificial dream.Copy !req
1359. You heard the Prophet.
She said, "It is not real."Copy !req
1360. You see, fire dynamics
are very difficult to render.Copy !req
1361. I've noticed this anomaly
in its behaviorCopy !req
1362. when it interacts
with simulated NPCs,Copy !req
1363. like poor old Sister B.Copy !req
1364. She couldn't come back to us,
but when you die,Copy !req
1365. finger, please,
you will pass through deathCopy !req
1366. and wake up...Copy !req
1367. into the real world.Copy !req
1368. What do you think?Copy !req
1369. Yes, no, maybe?Copy !req
1370. Um...Copy !req
1371. That's a theory.Copy !req
1372. Well yeah,
you're very welcome to...Copy !req
1373. to challenge my premise.
I love that.Copy !req
1374. Go for it.Copy !req
1375. I don't think
this is a microchip.Copy !req
1376. Oh?Copy !req
1377. I think it's a contraceptive.Copy !req
1378. A... a birth control implant.Copy !req
1379. Huh.Copy !req
1380. Tell me, have you ever metCopy !req
1381. a Mormon missionary
who was on birth control?Copy !req
1382. Did "Sister Barnes" say
she was on birth control?Copy !req
1383. Our church
would've made herCopy !req
1384. feel ashamed about it,Copy !req
1385. and she would've been
too embarrassed.Copy !req
1386. - Simulation theory is...
- Ah!Copy !req
1387. "Hypothesis," please.
Sorry, it doesn't matter.Copy !req
1388. Simulation hypothesisCopy !req
1389. is not testable, is it?Copy !req
1390. No, it's a matter of belief,
like any religion.Copy !req
1391. You either believe it,
green door,Copy !req
1392. or you don't believe it,
purple door.Copy !req
1393. With all due respect,Copy !req
1394. I...Copy !req
1395. I don't believe it.Copy !req
1396. I'm not smart enough
to say why, I just don't.Copy !req
1397. Do you believe the miracle
that I showed you?Copy !req
1398. Yes.Copy !req
1399. - Yeah?
- At first.Copy !req
1400. But now?Copy !req
1401. I think something
happened tonightCopy !req
1402. that you didn't expect.Copy !req
1403. It feels like
you're improvising,Copy !req
1404. trying to convince me
of a simulation theoryCopy !req
1405. that's not sticking.
Am I right?Copy !req
1406. Uh, are you
asking me if you're rightCopy !req
1407. that I am improvisingCopy !req
1408. or you're right
that the simulation narrativeCopy !req
1409. is not sticking?Copy !req
1410. Yes.Copy !req
1411. High-five.Copy !req
1412. So, in fact,
you agree with your friend.Copy !req
1413. You think that the Prophet
was just hallucinatingCopy !req
1414. a meaningless,
near-death experience.Copy !req
1415. No.Copy !req
1416. I think you switched
the bodies.Copy !req
1417. I just haven't
figured out how yet.Copy !req
1418. I switched...Copy !req
1419. the bodies?Copy !req
1420. The doorbell rang
when the Elder got here.Copy !req
1421. Which drew our attention
to the stairs.Copy !req
1422. You would have been
prepared for that.Copy !req
1423. When we came back downstairs,Copy !req
1424. I noticed the woman wasn't in
the same position as before.Copy !req
1425. It was similar...Copy !req
1426. Her head is different.Copy !req
1427. But it was not the exact same.Copy !req
1428. I think another woman
who looked exactly like herCopy !req
1429. came into the basementCopy !req
1430. through a hidden door
or something,Copy !req
1431. disposed of her body and then
took her place at the table.Copy !req
1432. I see.Copy !req
1433. And then,
once we got back downstairs,Copy !req
1434. she read off
a scripted prophecyCopy !req
1435. that you prepared for her.Copy !req
1436. Except the last thing
she said was,Copy !req
1437. "It is not real."Copy !req
1438. not... real...Copy !req
1439. Maybe she was trying
to tell usCopy !req
1440. that the miracle wasn't real.Copy !req
1441. Ah.Copy !req
1442. You see what I mean when I sayCopy !req
1443. something happened
that you didn't expect?Copy !req
1444. I think you gave her a script,
and she went off the book,Copy !req
1445. and now you're
trying to recover.Copy !req
1446. Well, if that's right,
then, uh,Copy !req
1447. there'd have to be another way
into this basement, yeah?Copy !req
1448. Shall we have a look?Copy !req
1449. I don't think there is.Copy !req
1450. No.Copy !req
1451. I'm not doing very well,Copy !req
1452. Sister Paxton.Copy !req
1453. Unless...Copy !req
1454. Which means that...Copy !req
1455. there would have to be
a dead body down thereCopy !req
1456. if you were right, huh?Copy !req
1457. Correct.Copy !req
1458. How will you
test your theory?Copy !req
1459. I don't know.Copy !req
1460. But will you go
into that hole andCopy !req
1461. see if there's
somebody down there?Copy !req
1462. If I have to.Copy !req
1463. Why would you
do that?Copy !req
1464. Because I want
to know the truth,Copy !req
1465. and because the only way out
is through.Copy !req
1466. Robert Frost?Copy !req
1467. Swamp Thing.Copy !req
1468. Don't go into that cellar...Copy !req
1469. unless you are preparedCopy !req
1470. to discover the one,
true religion.Copy !req
1471. I knew it.Copy !req
1472. Hey.Copy !req
1473. Sorry about the cold.Copy !req
1474. Have you figured it out yet?Copy !req
1475. I think so.Copy !req
1476. So what is it?Copy !req
1477. What is the one,
true religion, Sister P?Copy !req
1478. It's...Copy !req
1479. When we first arrived,Copy !req
1480. you left us alone
in your living room.Copy !req
1481. We thought you were talking
to your wife,Copy !req
1482. but you were doing
something else.Copy !req
1483. I was.Copy !req
1484. You took a key
from Sister Barnes' coat,Copy !req
1485. went outside to unlock
our bikes and hide them.Copy !req
1486. I noticed your hair was wet
when you came backCopy !req
1487. with the drinks, like you were
out in the storm.Copy !req
1488. You did this, I assume,
because you didn't wantCopy !req
1489. the Elder to find our bikesCopy !req
1490. when he came back
looking for us.Copy !req
1491. But there was something else
on your mind.Copy !req
1492. There was.Copy !req
1493. You returned
the bike keyCopy !req
1494. to the wrong coat pocket.Copy !req
1495. We thought this was a mistake
you made.Copy !req
1496. Key.Copy !req
1497. But now I know it wasn't.Copy !req
1498. Why?Copy !req
1499. You gave the bike lock
to one of your prophets,Copy !req
1500. instructed them to lock
the final cellar door with it.Copy !req
1501. But why, why, why?
Why did I do that?Copy !req
1502. Because you wanted me to knowCopy !req
1503. the only reason
I'm standing here right nowCopy !req
1504. is because it is exactlyCopy !req
1505. where you want me
to be standing.Copy !req
1506. I'm not here
because I chose to be.Copy !req
1507. I'm here because you made me
choose to be.Copy !req
1508. Oh.Copy !req
1509. Because you want me to believe
the one, true religion is...Copy !req
1510. control.Copy !req
1511. That is exactly right.Copy !req
1512. Religion is just
a system of control...Copy !req
1513. It's okay.Copy !req
1514. I'll help you.Copy !req
1515. No, you see,
that's what's so interesting.Copy !req
1516. They don't want your help.Copy !req
1517. They...
they are exactlyCopy !req
1518. where they chose to be.Copy !req
1519. But you killed that woman.Copy !req
1520. I disagree.Copy !req
1521. She... She chose to eat
a poisoned pieCopy !req
1522. because of her profound faith.Copy !req
1523. It is called drinking the...
anyone?Copy !req
1524. Kool-Aid.Copy !req
1525. It is true...Copy !req
1526. that I keep these ladies
a little chilly,Copy !req
1527. and a little peckish,Copy !req
1528. for which I am very sorry.
Sorry, ladies.Copy !req
1529. But only for the same reasonCopy !req
1530. that your church goes to HaitiCopy !req
1531. to give out Bibles
after a hurricane.Copy !req
1532. It's easier to controlCopy !req
1533. someone who has lost...Copy !req
1534. everything.Copy !req
1535. You're absolutely right.
She did go off-book.Copy !req
1536. Why do you do this?Copy !req
1537. The question is,Copy !req
1538. why do you all let me?Copy !req
1539. Sorry...Copy !req
1540. You are here
because the ideas of othersCopy !req
1541. have influenced every single
decision you've madeCopy !req
1542. since the day you were born,
and I've been able to predictCopy !req
1543. every decision you would make
tonight because of that.Copy !req
1544. You have allowed themCopy !req
1545. to dictate
every decision of your life.Copy !req
1546. They decide who you worship,Copy !req
1547. where you worship,
what you worship.Copy !req
1548. They even dictate the garments
you wear under your clothes.Copy !req
1549. The what?Copy !req
1550. Your magic underwear.Copy !req
1551. No... No...Copy !req
1552. No...Copy !req
1553. Pray...Copy !req
1554. Pray.Copy !req
1555. Pray for us.Copy !req
1556. Praying...Copy !req
1557. doesn't work.Copy !req
1558. Have you ever heard of
the great prayer experiment?Copy !req
1559. They divided patients
into groups.Copy !req
1560. Those who received prayers
and those who didn't.Copy !req
1561. The results of the study
were conclusive.Copy !req
1562. It doesn't work.Copy !req
1563. But I think it's beautifulCopy !req
1564. that we all pray
for each other...Copy !req
1565. even though
we all probably knowCopy !req
1566. it doesn't make a difference.Copy !req
1567. It's just nice to think about
someone other than yourself.Copy !req
1568. Even if it's you.Copy !req
1569. I'm grateful
for all the trialsCopy !req
1570. you've given me in my life.Copy !req
1571. And for your path
that you've laid out for me.Copy !req
1572. Quietly.Copy !req
1573. Goodbye, Sister.Copy !req