Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)

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John Cameron Mitchell as Hedwig • Miriam Shor as Yitzhak • Stephen Trask as Skszp • Theodore Liscinski as Jacek • Rob Campbell as Krzysztof • Michael Aronov as Schlatko • Andrea Martin as Phyllis Stein

Raised a boy in East Berlin, Hedwig undergoes a personal transformation in order to emigrate to the U.S., where she reinvents herself as an 'internationally ignored' but divinely talented rock diva, inhabiting a 'beautiful gender of one'.......

United States of America • Drama • Comedy • Music

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Yeah!

2. - Yeah! - Yeah!

3. Hello?

4. Where is everybody?

5. Out.

6. "Out"? Why are you in such a mood?

7. I have been having the most wonderful time with -

8. do you remember that 45-year-old divorcee

9. with the hair and the mean look?

10. Well, she came up to me after the show, and I thought,

11. "this lady wants a piece of me."

12. So I didn't, you know, know what to do.

13. I was alone, I had nothing in my hand, I was gonna go for the eyes.

14. She came at me from both sides, somehow, and she just gave me a fucking hug.

15. She gave me a fucking hug.

16. Can you figure?

17. Can you fucking beat that? She gave me -

18. I also got a few drinks out of it as well, which was not a bad...

19. what the fuck is wrong with you?

20. Why can't we...

21. Why don't you write a new song?

22. I try and tear me down j

23. thank you, my name is Hedwig.

24. Please welcome those ambassadors of eastern bloc rock,

25. the angry inch. Here they are, ladies and gentlemen.

26. And my man Friday...

27. - Through Thursday... - Yeah!

28. Yitzhak, ladies and gentlemen. There's no need, there's none.

29. Also very talented and so very lucky to be here, right, boys?

30. - Yeah. - Yes, miss Hedwig.

31. Look out, guys, immigration!

32. I've got their passports right here.

33. Ladies and gentlemen,

34. do you like the pelt?

35. I want you to be honest,

36. because some bitch stopped me on the way in -

37. "what poor, unfortunate creature had to die

38. for you to wear that?"

39. "My aunt Trudy," I replied.

40. Just walked away. Just walked away, ladies and gentlemen.

41. - Hedwig, can we eat dessert? - What is it? Yes, you can.

42. I am thrilled. You can join me for the fabulous first night

43. of the St. Louis leg of my world tour.

44. And when it comes to huge openings, a lot of people think of me.

45. Many more of you, though, have only recently become aware of me.

46. Yeah. It took a character assassination piece like this

47. to make you finally pay attention.

48. But now you're interested, huh?

49. Intrigued, even?

50. How did some...

51. Slip of a girly-boy from communist east Berlin

52. become the internationally ignored song stylist

53. barely standing before you?

54. That's what I want to talk about tonight, ladies and gentlemen.

55. I don't wanna talk about sudden, undeserved commercial success.

56. I don't wanna talk about betrayal, I don't wanna talk about my lawsuit

57. against a certain rock and roll "icon,"

58. Tommy gnosis,

59. who, by some freak coincidence,

60. is performing right next door at busch stadium.

61. and to whom I taught everything he knows,

62. and has apparently forgotten, about rock & roll!

63. Yes, this is Phyllis Stein.

64. Manager of Hedwig and the angry inch. I've been ho -

65. "inch"! Not "itch."

66. Let me speak to Brad, please. You know I've been holding for 24 minutes?

67. Yes. Hi, Brad, this is Phyllis.

68. So what's going on with bilgewater's?

69. You make the baby cry.

70. Well, I hear the entire chain's going under.

71. Hold on, hold on a second.

72. - Hedwig! Hedwig! - We can have a gig

73. in any bilgewater's nationwide with a 24-hour notice?

74. Yeah.

75. And they know what kind of music we play? Brad, I love you.

76. Okay, ciao.

77. People, people, people.

78. Tomorrow is a travel day.

79. It's a travel day for Tommy, so it's a travel day for us.

80. Friday, Chicago.

81. Tommy's at soldier field, and we're at bilgewater's

82. in the mall down the street.

83. And the next day, looks like he's -

84. basically, he's back on the bus.

85. Phyllis... "Basically"?

86. He's doing a record signing.

87. Why do you feel the need to lie to me?

88. Hedwig, please. Come.

89. I don't think it's going to help our lawsuit

90. if you continue to -

91. if you present the appearance of stalking him.

92. - Yeah. You know I don't like that word. - Yes, I know.

93. Please listen to me. How about you don't talk to him,

94. and I get someone to steal a photo

95. - of you two together? - A photo -

96. you know some rag will run it. Will really help the lawsuit.

97. Proves you two know each other.

98. Please,

99. let me do my job. Please?

100. Okay.

101. I'm gonna make some phone calls. I'm gonna make some phone calls!

102. All right.

103. Okay, everybody. Bedski!

104. Ladies and gentlemen, I recently found my first diary.

105. Age two through six.

106. It was fully illustrated.

107. As I unrolled the pages,

108. I realized that so many people have fouched me

109. on my way fo the stage tonight.

110. How can I say who touched me the most?

111. My father, the American gi?

112. Could it have been my east German mother?

113. Pervert!

114. Get out! Get out!

115. Go on... go on!

116. It is clear that I must find my other half,

117. butis it a he or a she?

118. What does this person look like?

119. Identical fo me?

120. Or somehow complementary?

121. Does my other half have what I don't?

122. Did he get the looks?

123. The luck?

124. The love?

125. Were we really separated forcibly,

126. or did he just run off with the good stuff?

127. Or did I?

128. Will this person embarrass me?

129. What about sex?

130. Is that how we put ourselves back together again?

131. Or can two people...

132. Actually become one...

133. Again?

134. I remember once when I was six years old

135. I was watching my favorite cartoon on American forces network,

136. "Jesus was good.”

137. Eh?

138. In the year I was born, the wall went up.

139. And many people decided fo move west to freedom.

140. Mother threw me into a wheelbarrow and headed east.

141. The communists gave her a job

142. teaching sculpture to imbless children.

143. Most of my time was spent listening to American forces radlo.

144. our apartment was so small,

145. that mother made me play in the oven.

146. Late at night,

147. I would listen to the voices of the American masters.

148. Toni tennille, debby Boone,

149. Anne Murray, who was actually a Canadian working in the American idiom.

150. Lou Reed, iggy pop,

151. David bowie, who was actually an idiom working in America and Canada.

152. These artists,

153. they left as deep an impression on me

154. as that oven rack did on my face.

155. To be a young American in muskrat love,

156. soft as an easy chair, not even the chair,

157. "I am," I said, "have I never been mellow?"

158. And the colored girls sing...

159. but never with the melody.

160. How could I do it better than Toni or Lou?

161. "Hey, boy...

162. Take a walk on the wild side!"

163. Okay.

164. Okay.

165. One day, in the late mid-80s...

166. I was in my early late 20s.

167. I had just been dismissed from university

168. after delivering a brilliant lecture

169. on the aggressive influence of German philosophy

170. on rock and roll, entitled,

171. "you, kant, always get what you want."

172. At 26, my academic career was over,

173. I had never kissed a boy,

174. and I was still sleeping with mom.

175. The search for my other half

176. on my side of the wall had proved futile.

177. Might he be found on the other?

178. But how to get over? You know? People died trying.

179. Such were the thoughts flooding my tiny head,

180. on the day that I was... sunning myself...

181. In an old bomb crater I had discovered near the wall.

182. I am naked,

183. face down on a piece of broken church,

184. inhaling a fragrant westerly breeze.

185. My god, I deserved a break today.

186. Girl,

187. I, I sure don't mean to annoy you.

188. My name is sergeant Luther Robinson.

189. My name is hansel.

190. Luther is silent for a moment as he stares at my...

191. "Little bishop in a turtleneck.”

192. Hansel?

193. Well, you must like candy.

194. I like gummibéarchen.

195. The taste is completely different from a gummi bear,

196. yet somehow familiar.

197. It's much sweeter than a gummi bear

198. wow.

199. And softer, foo.

200. I feel so optimistic.

201. I suddenly recognized the flavor in my mouth.

202. It's the laste of power.

203. Damn, hansel.

204. I can't believe you're not a girl.

205. You're so fine.

206. Why don't you take the whole bag?

207. He searches my face for news of his fate.

208. His expression is echoed in scores of tiny faces,

209. pressing against clear plastic,

210. panting faces of every imaginable color,

211. creed, and non-Aryan origin,

212. fogging up the bag like the windows of a Polish bathhouse.

213. Ah!

214. I stumbled naked through the ruins,

215. back fowaras blander, less complicated confections,

216. leaving in my wake a trail of rainbow carnage.

217. Next day, hansel follows the trail back,

218. and on his way finds a milky way,

219. a roll of necco wafers,

220. some pop rocks,

221. and a giant-sized sugar daddy named Luther

222. looks like we've got some sugar daddies in the house.

223. you could give me a cavity, honey.

224. it's a car wash, ladies and gentlemen.

225. he loves me, mother.

226. He wants to marry me...

227. And get me the hell out of here.

228. Get my passport and my camera, hansel.

229. It's a simple cut-and-paste job.

230. We change the photo,

231. and you can use my name...

232. Hedwig schmidt.

233. Not so simple, ladies.

234. Baby...

235. You know I love you.

236. I'm always thinking of you.

237. But I gotta marry you here,

238. in east Berlin.

239. And that means a full physical examination.

240. They'd see right away that I have a -

241. no, baby.

242. To walk away...

243. You gotta...

244. Leave something behind.

245. Am I right, Mrs. schmidt?

246. I've always thought so, Luther.

247. To be free, one must give up a little part of oneself.

248. And I know just the doctor to take it.

249. And champagne are flowing freely...

250. As long-separated family members are reunited.

251. This is unbelievable. It's a day for the history books.

252. All border crossings are reported fo be wide open,

253. and thousands are flooding into the western half of the city

254. to celebrate their newfound freedom.

255. The Berlin wall has fallen,

256. and the world will never be the same.

257. The Germans are a patient people,

258. and good things come to those who wait.

259. Okay, everyboay!

260. ugh, I am so sorry.

261. I was waiting for the phone company.

262. God, is that his new single?

263. Don't do it, sweetie! Please don't say anything to him today.

264. If you do, he's got the power, know what I mean? He's got the power!

265. All we need is a snapshot, then they'll know that you were responsible

266. for some of the biggest hits of the millennium,

267. and you will be so fucking rich!

268. Damn it, looks like the photographer's already inside.

269. All right, everybody, stay right here. Hedwig. Hedwig. Hedwig. Hedwig.

270. Please don't say anything. Let me handle it.

271. - Yes. The Phyllis Stein party. - Who are you with?

272. We're a&r from a&m.

273. Actually, this is a private event. I'm sorry.

274. - Private event? - Mm-hmm.

275. As in, "you're not on the list."

276. - As in, "find it." - I'm looking, and you know what?

277. It's not here.

278. - Justin! Vince! - Get out of my fucking way!

279. Hey! Settle down.

280. - I could have your job! - I don't think you could.

281. - Bitches! - Where's my fucking brooch?

282. We're going to continue to shadow Tommy's tour.

283. We're going to squeeze the local press.

284. But I do not want to blow our wad

285. on my e! Channel contact until we get to New York.

286. It's all about New York. Right?

287. Honey, I've really thought about it, I think it's a bad idea, this photo-op.

288. - It was your idea. - But I'm second-guessing myself now.

289. I think...

290. I don't think you should have any personal contact with Tommy.

291. - Well, I guess we disagree. - Honey, we do disagree.

292. - But, please, listen. - Did you -

293. excuse me, did you put a bra in a dryer?

294. Did you put a bra in a dryer?

295. - Yes. - How many times do I have to tell you?

296. You don't put a bra in a dryer! It warps!

297. Hedwig, please, it's a bra.

298. You can have one of mine. Please!

299. Ugh.

300. I'm so sorry.

301. You know, ladies and gentlemen, the road is my home.

302. - My home, the road. - Hear, hear.

303. And when I think about all the people I have come upon in my travels,

304. I have to think about the people who have come upon me.

305. Tommy, can you hear me?

306. Yeah!

307. From this milk-less tit,

308. you sucked the very business we call show!

309. Okay.

310. You wanna know about Tommy gnosis?

311. Yeah!

312. Okay, I'll tell you about Tommy gnosis.

313. After my divorce, I scraped by with babysitting gigs and odd jobs.

314. Mostly the jobs we call "blow."

315. I had lost my job at the base px, and I had lost my gag reflex.

316. You do the math.

317. I sat for the baby of general speck.

318. He was the commander of the nearby army fort,

319. and his other son was...

320. Yeah, the artist formerly known as my buttboy.

321. We're talking about Tommy speck at this time.

322. Tommy speck was a 17-year-old classic rock-loving,

323. "dungeons and dragons” obsessed,

324. Jesus freak with a fish on his truck.

325. I found him incredibly...

326. Hot.

327. I had recently returned to my first love of music.

328. I had tried singing once, back in Berlin.

329. They threw tomatoes after the show...

330. I had a nice salad.

331. But newly motivated, I got myself a cheap electric piano

332. and I found a couple of Korean sergeants' wives

333. who churned out a mean rhythm section.

334. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you...

335. Both of you.

336. That song was by Mr. Kurt cobain.

337. Now that kid's got a future, huh?

338. How about kwahng-yi on guitar, ladies and gentlemen!

339. Give it up! Kwahng-yi!

340. Give it up, kwahng.

341. You know, I'd like to take it down a little. Right now.

342. What do you say, girls?

343. This is actually the first song I've ever written.

344. And, it's written for a guy to sing.

345. I know a lot of you guys out there tonight,

346. a lot better than some of you would care to admit.

347. And I know that a few of you kick some karaoke ass.

348. So...

349. If you're looking for your big, breakout single,

350. you might wanna put a bid on this one tonight,

351. ladies and gentlemen, because we are talking

352. to Phil Collins's people, right?

353. But then again, aren't we all?

354. Your show...

355. That song...

356. My dad gave me this guitar to apologize for being such a pathetic little dictator.

357. - He sang me songs. - Classics.

358. The bands were new fo me.

359. Yeah!

360. Boston, Kansas,

361. America, Europe, Asia.

362. Travel exhausts me.

363. Where are you from, Hedwig?

364. I told him my story.

365. I'm from east Berlin.

366. There was a big war.

367. Have you...

368. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?

369. No, but I...

370. I love his work.

371. No. What he was saving us from was his fucking father.

372. I mean, what kind of god creates Adam in his image

373. and then pulls Eve out of him to keep him company?

374. And then tells them not to eat from the tree of knowledge?

375. I mean, he was so micromanaging.

376. So was Adam.

377. But Eve...

378. Eve just wanted to know shit.

379. She took a bite of the apple,

380. and she found out what was good and what was evil.

381. Then she gave it to Adam, so he would know,

382. because they were in love.

383. And that was good, they now knew.

384. Hedwig...

385. Would you give me the apple?

386. The words falling from those ips.

387. And his eyes...

388. His irises were clear cylinders of surprising depth...

389. And emptiness.

390. Only a few puddles of bluish pain sloshed around inside.

391. Same blue as my eyes.

392. At the time, Tommy's performance options were limited

393. to the occasional guitar mass.

394. I initiated a six-month curriculum of rock history...

395. Lyrics,

396. grooming,

397. and vocal training.

398. for his graduation present, I gave him his name:

399. Tommy gnosis,

400. the Greek word for knowledge.

401. We collaborated.

402. Songs exploded out of us.

403. Teenage girls started showing up.

404. In three months, we were oulgrossing monster trucks in Wichita.

405. With that kind of money coming in,

406. I was able to devote myself entirely to our career.

407. We were very happy.

408. Honey, what is wrong?

409. My dad.

410. Fucking parents!

411. You're gonna blow my house down.

412. Honey, come here.

413. Just let it go, sweetie.

414. Let it go.

415. Oh, it's gone.

416. I feel it. It's gone.

417. I'm very much aware that we haven't kissed in all the months we've been together.

418. In fact, he's maintained a near perfect ignorance

419. of the front of me.

420. Honey, sweetie, you're choking me.

421. Sweetie, let go. Take it easy.

422. You wanna work on that new song?

423. Hmm? The hit?

424. While I finish trimming your eyebrows?

425. Are you drunk?

426. I'm not drunk.

427. I'm enjoying a little...

428. You know...

429. A little rainwater and everclear.

430. shit!

431. what do you think?

432. You think love lasts forever?

433. No, but this song does.

434. Don't knock a multi-platinum single.

435. When you are suddenly Mr. commercial?

436. I wish I could hit those notes.

437. She's been singing this song on a loop for three days.

438. Seriously, Tom, yeah.

439. I believe love is immortal.

440. fuck!

441. I can't hear myself.

442. How is it immortal?

443. I don't know, perhaps because...

444. Love creates something that...

445. Was not there before.

446. What?

447. Like procreation?

448. Yeah, but not only.

449. What?

450. Like recreation.

451. What is that?

452. Stop, you come in here crying and you wanna recreate with me.

453. Maybe just...

454. Creation.

455. Don't move.

456. breathe through my mouth.

457. Oh, god.

458. Oh, Hedwig...

459. When Eve was still inside Adam,

460. they were in paradise.

461. That's right, honey.

462. When she was separated from him, that's when paradise was lost.

463. So when she enters him again,

464. paradise will be regained.

465. However you want it, honey. Just kiss me while we do it.

466. Wha... what is that?

467. It's what I have to work with.

468. M-my mum's probably wondering where I am.

469. You're such a fucking sissy.

470. You are such a sissy!

471. What are you afraid of, huh?

472. What are you afraid of?

473. What?

474. I love you, I love you!

475. Then love the front of me, honey!

476. Love the...

477. Okay, now, boys.

478. We are dry, we're spent.

479. We're flat broke.

480. - Yeah. Who ordered the pizza? - Oh, pizza. Hallelujah.

481. Schlatko, what are you talking about?

482. We can't afford a pizza. This is Manhattan! We can barely -

483. come on in. We can barely afford this hole.

484. We had to cancel the gig tonight because we can't fix the amps.

485. No, I don't have any more money. Schlatko, please!

486. I got it.

487. Yes you did, and it's stunning!

488. Fuck off, Phyllis.

489. I got the part.

490. I'm playing the role of "angel"

491. in Broadway cruise's polynesian tour of rent,

492. so fuck you too, miss Hedwig!

493. I'm going to be a star. Big star.

494. There's nothing you can do about it!

495. Yeah, okay. I don't care.

496. I don't care if you have my passport.

497. Fuck you! I'm going to Guam!

498. And I want a divorce.

499. I want - ya, I want a divorce from you.

500. Mental cruelty, irreconcilable difference!

501. I'm exhausted.

502. Are you tired?

503. You look tired.

504. I think maybe we are just...

505. Both very tired.

506. Hedwig.

507. I don't think you need my help anymore.

508. wait, did you sing "the Cyrus"?

509. No, no.

510. You just sang "the Cyrus” on that recording.

511. The Cyrus, Cyrus. Cyrus the god.

512. There's no god called "Cyrus." It's "osiris," it's an Egyptian god.

513. - Remember, we read that book - - We had two versions of that song.

514. - We had one version... - No, we had two versions -

515. and you fucked it up!

516. I know.

517. Maybe... maybe we could jam sometime?

518. Maybe we could.

519. Tommy, what's your relationship to Hedwig Robinson?

520. I never knew that woman before that night, and I never knew she wasn't a woman.

521. Doll.

522. Thank you so much.

523. Hedwig and the angry inch!

524. Hedwig!

525. Hedwig!

526. Okay, everyboay!